So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.

Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so

I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.

I was bored and decided to speculate on the upcoming Owl House episodes

Buckle up, this got way longer than anticipated.

Often I tend to have as much or even more fun with TOH’s b plots as with the main ones, and seeing the memes the fandom I guess that’s kind of a normal feeling. But this last episode didn’t really have one and I’m pretty glad it didn’t.

Here’s how I’ve been thinking of the show, specially when it comes to episode structure. Pretty much in the first few scenes they will go like “hey, here’s an idea.” Then they go on the rest of the episode showing why that is not such a good idea. Case in point, Understanding Willow’s “out of sight, out of mind” only for the episode turn out as an argument for therapy, or that grom episode with Luz unable to answer her mom’s messages only to do so by the end of the episode (even though that is not a full solution, but still, she’s the main character and that looks like it will a main source of conflict until the show’s end... probably). On today’s episode I feel like it came out in two ways: from Luz perspective it came in the form of her indulging King’s narrative and self-image; on his case, well, it pretty much boils down to that whole identity crisis thing.

In other words, although in a certain way there are two big stories being told they both are a part of the same plot line. Moreover, King is a part of the show’s main trio.

Now, this may just be my own perception, but I feel like the last five or so episodes were kind of meant to be some turning point for specific characters, in this sequence: King, Willow, Luz, Amity, Eda, Lilith. Those episodes seem, again, at least to me, to mark some form of shift in the characters story. For Lilith it was her betraying the Emperor, for Eda it was learning who cursed her and her imprisonment for Luz’s sake in a way (learning she grew to care for Luz over her own well-being), for Amity it was her taking a first tangible step towards getting out from her parent’s dominion (which culminates in the events of EE) and becoming her own person, for Luz it was confronting the fact her biggest fear is somewhat related to guilty about how she left her world and her mom and finding in herself (and the friends she made in the Isles) the fortitude to actually confront all that, for Willow it was what I said before (which, btw, ends her whole arc that started on the conjuring episode, the whole thing about her and Amity’s friendship). The only one of those I can’t really see clearly what the episode’s point really was is King’s Really Small Problems.

Again, going on a bit of subjectivity here but I feel like that episode was kind of the show’s lowest point so far. First of, there’s the fact that Willow, Gus, and especially Luz don’t apologize to King because, I mean, they were pretty much about as guilty for everything that happened as him. They did either hijack or forget his day with Luz, so you know... Buuut, still, if I were to hazard a guess as to what the point on that episode I’d say it circles around the line “The King of Demons misses nobody.” early in the episode being contrasted by “Demons do crazy things when they’ve been missing someone.” In other words, the point of the episode, to my best guess would be him starting to deal with a shifting sense of identity.

So, this brings us to the current season. If I’m right in my understanding of Really Small Problems, then that’d mean that Echoes of the Past is picking up on that episode’s thread. Likewise, the same can be said about Escaping Expulsion. And in a sense, both King and Amity’s (moreso in Amity’s case, admittedly) arc seem to have in a way concluded with those two episodes. Moreover, going by the episode’s synopsis the next upcoming episodes seem to also doing something similar: either picking up a previous storyline and finishing it, or starting new ones. Separate Tides would be a bit of an exception, since it was the premiere and had to reacquaint the audience with the world and characters, but even then I feel it sets up a potential point of conflict for Luz in the form of her guilt over Eda’s loss of magic.

Then, again, going off a limb here, but I’d guess that, from episodes 2 to 8 the main objects will be, in this order, Amity, King, Lilith (going by the trailer implying we’ll see her beast form), Gus (who thus far didn’t really have a longer story arc beyond The First Day), Luz, Eda (which, given how it introduces a new character from her past I’d imagine it would mark the beginning of a new arc for her). But I feel bored so I want to elaborate a bit further.

Episode 4: Lilith, maybe (this part is pretty esoteric, to be honest), possibly, starts to come to grips with the consequences of sharing the curse while, due to mamma Clawthorne’s visit, seeing their past in a more nuanced fashion. I mean, Mamma Clawthorne is in the beast keeping coven, her presence while her first born daughter literally turns into a best could make for some interesting potential stories. Anyhow, I think some other interesting thing will have to do with Eda. As I said I can’t really see an arc or something along those lines happening with her as of right now. Now, bare with me while I go on a bit of a tangent. So, in Understanding Willow Willow herself is the object of the story, however in that episode we also get to see the cause of them falling apart was Odalia and Alador threatening Amity indirectly. By doing that the upcoming conflict regarding her gets established. Then next, at the Grom episode, we as the audience learn that Amity is at least attracted to Luz. There’s no point on getting too deep into this beyond this: her crush on Luz works as a strong reason, from her perspective, to stand up to her parents. Then at the Grudgby episode we see her taking active steps towards getting more agency in her life from them when she chooses to play against two people her parents sanctioned as suitable companions. Eventually this would culminate in the EE episode as I already talked at length about. The reason I’m bringing all of this up is because I get the feeling Eda’s upcoming story will follow some similar lines, whatever happens here (and will either be developed or solved on episode 7) will be set up at this episode.

Episode 5: As I said, I don’t really see clearly what Gus’ main conflict is, and I would imagine that this episode will either make that more evident or outright introduce it, so I don’t feel I’m in the position to speculate the specifics. However, we do know that the B plot is Lumity and I’ll need to dwell on this one a bit longer. After season one, I had this guess that this ship would become cannon somewhere between episode 3 at the earliest and 7 at the lastest. The reason I thought so, and I still think there’s no solid reason to reject this hypothesis, was that after WiLW the only thing standing in the way from Amity coming clean about her feelings was probably her relationship with her parents. UW set that up, WiLW took a first step in that direction, EE went through with it. Moreover, I thought that’d be in line with what we had shown of the show’s pacing up until that point. So, basically the situation I see here goes along the lines of setting up a new source of conflict for Amity (in the form of Luz eventually leaving the Isles), and for Luz in the form of (if my guess of Lumity becoming cannon in this specific episode is correct) the start of a new relationship, something she never experienced before, which would make her question whether or not she actually wants to go back to the human realm, or at the very least muddy the water a tad. However, I am not so dead certain they’ll become cannon (and, btw, by cannon I mean simply an unequivocal sign that their relationship changed, however the showrunners decide that should look like.) Moreover, that only gets accentuated if the thing she’s helping Luz with is a portal. In other words, my “prediction” that it’d become cannon around this time was mostly due to me feeling that turning them into a will they won’t they at this point would be tantamount to the show chasing its own tail, but that’d feel uncharacteristic of the show, in light of the first season. That being said, if I’m right about there being this upcoming conflict about Luz having to decide between the Isles and the human realm (which may or may not keep on developing until the shows finale, but I digress), then it wouldn’t necessarily be a problem. If handled well her being uncertain as to whether or not to take the leap with Amity could potentially be an interesting way convey her internal conflict. Still, I think that having those two be together would be more effective in give her one more strong argument in favor of staying in the Isles. Besides, there’s my thoughts about the following episode which would make the will they won’t they approach redundant. Also, the fact Amity is the one

Episode 6: Pretty much would pick up on the place it left Luz in the previous episode, again, if and only if my speculations so far are right. Two things the synopsis doesn’t really make clear: why Luz is having problem hunting a palisman; and who the foe in question is. Now, I know we see her carrying Golden Boi’s staff. I’m choosing to ignore this for now because I would actually have Boscha (who we see in one of the teasers), and who would kind of go along with some hints at her redemption like that “you’re a really good friend...” line. Besides, if this palisman thing is a part of Hexside’s curriculum it would make sense that she’d be in the same situation as Luz. Not to mention that Golden Boi helping her gain access to a weapon she can and most likely will turn against him and his boss seems pretty odd. Ultimately, however, the identity of this foe is inconsequential. The main point of interest for me is the reason why she is having trouble finding herself a palisman. We don’t know the specifics of palisman adoption or creation, so I will try not to depend to much on it. But here’s the gist: getting a palisman as a commitment not only to the palisman itself but to the world. Whatever happens between her and Amity and going by the mad logic I’m using, her sense of belonging would probably be completely scrambled even before the episode starts. Being made to make a commitment like that in midst of an existential crisis of sorts as a means to create internal conflict in Luz, that’s what I’m trying to argue is the point of this episode. Also, before I move on to another thing I think is pretty important and I’ve decided to say it now because I don’t want to rework the structure of a rambling session that’s already way longer than I expected: we see Camilla in the trailer, I think this would be the best moment to put her. The reason for that is simple enough. In the A plot we see Luz trying to decide where she belongs to, and working towards becoming more and more part of the Isles figurative landscape; on the b plot however we would get to see in the form of Camilla that she still has a home in the human realm, that there’s still someone who loves her a lot and is doing everything within her power to get her back or at least to ensure she is safe and sound. Not to mention, it would be a great moment to bring up those letters we see at the end of the Grom episode, but I’ll get to that when I get to that.

Now, that important thing I wanted to talk about: the overall message of the show. I think I said this before but my favorite thing about Luz is the effect she has on the other character, essentially she is the catalyst to their growth. She is the one that ensured Willow would confront her past with Amity resulting in her getting rid of the hang ups that were holding her back allowing her to forge her own path. She is the reason why Amity chooses to stand up for herself. She is the reason why Lilith is capable of hope to rekindle her relationship with her sister thus empowering her to break away from the Emperor. She is the reason why Eda now has some reason to, as she put it herself, “stop wasting away her magic”, she gives her something to look forward to. Hell, even if we are just starting to see it, I’m positive we can make an argument that she’s why King became more open to the possibility he is not who he thought he was, making him see himself more as who he is to the people he cares about than a dethroned king of demons.

In a sense Luz seems to find all other characters in something of a stagnation point of their. A sort of fatalistic view of their own identities, be it in a more “ontological” sense, according to my interpretation, as in Lilith and Amity’s case, or as products of Lady Luck’s whims as for Willow and Eda. {Sidenote: For me at least Lumity’s mutual crush always made more sense on Amity’s end than on Luz’s and in a certain way it still does despite EE. Case in point, if I were to pin point the precise moment her feelings towards started shaping up in a way that makes infatuation possible it would that “I’m not a witch, but I’m working hard to become”. If what I’m saying is not absolute non-sense, then this would have been a “Holy shit. You can actually do that? You can actually have enough agency over your own life to that extent do something like that?”. I mean, their following interaction, at the library has her looking like “Ok, maybe I was just a wee bit of a needlessly belligerent dick just now” after she pushes Luz away from her offering to help when reading to kids.}

To put it succinctly: the message of the show is that your identity, who you are as a person, is not the product  of a pre-existent essence but of who you actively choose to be. That even if one is not capable of deciding their circumstances (like Willow, Eda, or Amity), that are the choices one makes as they go about living their lives that determine their identity. And by centering Luz’s core conflict now as where her belonging lies only for it to be solved at the show’s finale by having her, the main character, effectively having to make this choice, to realize she belongs to wherever she decides she belongs to would be a pretty poignant way to get this point across.

So yeah, if my guesses so far are right this may as well be one of the show’s most important episodes.

Anyway, back to my esoteric predictions about the upcoming episodes...

Episode 7: Eda and Rayne. Now, I don’t to sound like a party pooper or something, but we don’t really have a reason to predict those two having a romantic connection. There’s no reason to necessarily refuse this possibility a priori either though. I mean, the further I get into the future episode the less I have to work with in terms of speculation. We don’t really know where her story is heading, and I feel like I already covered it enough when I was talking about ep 4. But there are two things I want to point out. First, like Mama Clawthorne, Rayne is a figure from Eda’s past, so whatever conflict she may have to sort through from now on stems from her past. The specifics are up to anyone’s guess, so yeah, it is perfectly possible that those two were a couple or something along those lines at some point in the past. But other than that picture that shows that they were somewhat close, we really don’t have much to go by. Second thing, and this is not really all that important. If the foe from episode 6 is not Golden Boi, I think this will be the episode on which the two interact (again, that picture of Luz with his staff, we know they will get to interact at some point, and this seems to be the one episode out of all we have a synopsis for that depends the least on Luz for the main story).

Episode 8: Just imagine me blowing raspberries. I got nothing for this one, except that: a - I really hope Axel Rose does not get to be a guest voice acting role, same goes for Slash and that bassist I keep forgetting the name of; b - I hate this expression, but this really strike me as a “filler episode”, or a breather as I’ve seem someone put it. Still, as much as with anything else I could be wrong here.

But before I move on, there are three very important characters I haven’t talked about enough thus far at least in terms of speculation. Gus, Willow, and Bellos. So I’ll address the three of them just now. Bellos: he is the force that will ultimately make Luz confronting the question about where her belonging lies all but unavoidable; essentially - and I know I must sound like a broken record, but if and only if my take is right - his actions are not all that important to the story and its message because he is less of a character and more something akin to a force of nature. Gus: again, not so sure where his story will go or if he even has one in a more strict sense as the other characters. Frankly that’s one of the  aspects of the show I find the hardest to form an opinion on, unlike the others he sort of feels complete, that makes him pretty neat but also means that there’s less stuff you can do to him, less places you can take his character and develop it. That being said, I think he has a function in the show and he fulfills it pretty nicely. Besides, they can always just go and introduce new aspects to him we just can’t foresee as of now (which might as well happen in episode 5 for all we know). Either way, I have nothing but adoration for this precious boy. Now, Willow. As I mentioned, as far as I can tell her character got pretty much done with at Understand Willow. It was really weird for me when I watched that episode because it is until now my absolute favorite of the series (although Echoes fro the Past is putting up a pretty solid fight), the first thing I thought afterwards was “Idk how many seasons the show has left, but it feels a bit too soon for a defining moment like this and I don’t know what else they can do with her.” I mean, you could argue that the Grudgby episode seems to kinda sorta set up a conflict between her and Boscha, but that story seems to concern more Luz and Amity’s characters, especially the ladder. Willow and Boscha act more as a means to make Amity take that first step and for Luz to learn not to start a mosh pit in a Radiohead concert. That being said, I feel like she is now in a similar position to Gus’: either a new unforeseen source of conflict for her or they simply leave her to occupy a fixed role in the story. Personally, I’d much rather they introduce new stories and conflicts for them, not only that would help push for that overall message I was raving on about, but I also just wanna see more of them. I adore all characters in this show, I have fun with them and want to keep doing so until the show ultimately ends.

Almost done, I promise. Just a tad more of your patience, that’s all I’m asking. I will not revise or edit this so hopefully I’m still making a semblance of sense. I mean, if you’re reading this sentence then it probably means I am. Otherwise I can only ask you one thing: why?

Now, Eclipse Lake, or episode 9. As I said when talking about episode 7, we are now in too distant a territory for me to feel any confident as to my basis. Take all of this as more wishful thinking than anything else. So, you know, if you have a tin foil hat at hand now would be a good time to put it on.

Going by this episode’s synopsis as well as episode 5′s it makes it sound that Amity will become steadily a more central point to the whole portal conundrum. She is the one going on about it more than anyone else. There’s a first a fairly obvious reason why she put herself in that position: she has a gargantuan  crush on the girl and wants to spend as much time as physically possible with her. There’s also a secondary reason why she would want to do that, and for that I’d need to bring up those letters Camilla has or had been receiving.

Now, I’m aware I can’t really make an ironclad argument for her being the one writing them. However, it is more than a bit suspicious that those letters would be brought to attention immediately after we see a piece of writing that we know for a fact was written by her and seeing how closely those two handwrittings match. Not every piece of scenary put by an author necessarily be a Tchekov’s gun, but this one reaaally looks to be the case, still circumstantial evidence so tin foil hats or whatever. Moreover, as I on at length before, Amity’s story up to this point was that of someone learning to be her own person and aim for her own goals, in this sense I can see her decision for writing those letters as an early and not stellarly thought out way to do that even if well meaning. Like a poorly articulated if good intentioned act made by someone who doesn’t really understands why she’s doing what she’s doing, what it entails, or what the full length of the consequences could be. I mean, she is a kid after all, and she is bound to have a few hiccups along her way to self-discovery. Again, I’ll get to it when I get to it. Lastly, however, the second reason why she would have a reason to volunteer to help Luz with her portal situation: if she is the one sending those letters then she has access to some form of a portal herself, be it fully functioning like Eda’s or just capable to dispatch smaller objects that’s not really the point. The point is that, if all I’m saying is right she will be put in a very strange situation. If she is possession of a portal and is “helping” Luz find one, then she’d essentially be lying to her much like Luz herself is in a sense lying to Camilla. Moreover, she’d be at this point one of the characters with the largest amount of reasons to delay Luz’s return to the human realm as much as possible, meaning that the question she’ll have to answer would probably go along these lines: do I act in self-interest, lie or maybe even do some sabotage, and make sure I keep the person I’m growing to love next to me, ooooor do I act accordingly to this love and help her achieve her goal which could potentially mean I’ll never see her again?

Also, season one’s finale had an ambiguous title. Young Blood, Old Souls can just as easily be taken as referring to Eda as well as to Lilith, the two focal points of that episode’s conflict. Likewise here, “Yesterday’s Lies” could be taken as either a reference to Luz’s lies to Camilla, or these hypothetical lies Amity may be telling Luz. That means, in this hypothetical mid-season finale I’m conceiving here these two would be the focal points of conflict (maybe alongside Camilla).

In any case, a possible counter to everything I’m saying here is Dana stating that romance was not the show’s endgame, and that is not what I’m suggesting. I have more to speculate on Amity’s role, so going from that I can say that this would in a way be a continuation of what we saw in EE. Something like: Okay, so you want to become your own person, in order to do that I’ll have to make some tough decisions, here’s your first one. It’s like confronting this infant who just took its first steps with the knowledge she’s actually running a marathon.

Anyhow, I don’t really feel well equipped to speculate on how things would play out on Luz’s end so let’s shake things up a bit and try to see things from Camilla’s perspective before getting to the long awaited conclusion. And by long awaited I mean me, this was more tiring than I expected but what the hell, I’m almost done. I can see the finish line already, so yeah. 

So, Camilla. What we know given the trailer and the Grom episode is essentially this: she is most likely aware Luz never made to the Reality Check Camp in the first place, and that regardless of where she is there’s someone who (up until the Grom episode) was sending her these comforting messages. If and only if, all I’ve said is right then well have a line of communication between one of Luz’s big arguments for staying in the Isles and her biggest argument for coming back.

Hold on to your tin foil hats, y’all need it. Because my next point is: once Camilla finds out that the letters she’d been receiving up to that are more than a bit sketchy (her ooooohhhh face at the trailer could be that) and if she has some means of responding to them, which I mean... That’s the closest thing to a lead as to Luz’s whereabouts she has, she most likely would confront this hypothetical Amity if that’s the case. If the stars align just right there’s a pretty good chance Amity would give the broad strokes of Luz‘s situation in as much a cryptic fashion as she can, as well as start creating some form rappor with Camilla. Meaning that that choice she’d have to make as I mentioned before would get this extra layer of nuance, because now she knows beyond any doubt that if Luz does cross the portal she’d be with someone who deeply cares about her. Moreover, if I’m right about Amity’s upcoming conflict centering around her apprehension with Luz crossing the portal, her correspondence with Camilla could be a way for her to overcome this fear, for better or for worse. In other words, Camilla possibly unknowing giving her potential daughter-in-law the necessary tools for her to grow as a person. And honestly, I think that would be a pretty cool story.

And that could cause a pretty interesting dynamic between the three of them: Luz not sure as to who she wants to chose to become and most likely getting very upset once she learns of Amity’s lie, whilst still wanting (I don’t really have a defense for this I just think it’d be interesting) to keep her first romantic or potentially romantic relationship, while also being worried as to how things would be with her mother considering her own lie; Amity lying to Luz, while trying to balance out her on desires versus her loved one well-being; and Camilla having mixed feeling about Amity or whoever wrote those letters (they did lie to her after all), worrying like crazy about Luz and also feeling a tad upset at Luz’s lie. 

And holy shit I think that does it. I’m done.

Anyone, next finale is “Luz x Camilla x Amity”, that out of the way like Lilith x Eda and Lilith x Luz, my guess is that season 2.5 finale would be “Gus and Willow x Luz” or “Luz x Eda and King”, the finale finale therefore would most like be Luz x Luz.

Ci vediamo.

{Couple of edits I just thought would be important:

1 - I know that considering what I’ve said regarding the mid-season final may seem like a bit too much for a 20 something minutes episode. But I mean, this fandom and Amphibia’s seem to overlap quite a bit, and we all saw the metric ton of information they threw at us during True Colors. All that I’ve said seem to me well withing the realm of possibility.

2 - In the EXTREMELY unlikely chance I’m absolutely on point on everything I’ve just spouted (Despite being purposefully vague. But oh well. We can argue the semantics of vagueness some other time) I’ll consider this fandom as owing me a rendition of The Number of the Beast’s cover art (the album, not the single... not even I am morbid enough for that) featuring the Owl Beast, Belos and Kikimora or the Golden Boi. I call it the Owl Maiden. Will I go aggro if no one does that? No. Do I have means to demand it in any forceful way that would grant that I’d get to see said rendition? hahahaha I obviously don’t. Will I be poutty? Yes, that will 100% happen. But really, that would be for the benefit of us as a community. I mean, that look pretty awesome and you can’t argue otherwise.}

Song of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 19

Song of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because there’s a hundred pages left and the main plot point broke. I dunno what we’re doing now.

Last times in book: Kylan, Naia, and Tavra have traveled to Place-in-Shadows to find a magic firca that will help them warn all Gelfling about the Skeksis. Maudra Argot’s delightful son Amri showed them to the Tomb of Relics where they met urLii the Storyteller. Annnnnnnd they find the firca. Annnnnnnd it’s broken.

=|

Chapter 19

Kylan copes with disappointment, urLii says something helpful

urLii’s reaction to the plot critical item being broken lightens the tension a little.

“Well... it wasn’t like that when I saw it last.”

I mean, for me. I laughed at this line. The character in the scene don’t see the humor. Alas.

But in fairness, not only is the firca smashed into a thousand pieces, its functionally irreparable. You can’t just mend a wind instrument like this. The cracks can never be completely sealed and that would mess up the noise but good.

Naia asks if the firca was like this when Tavra found it and Tavra replies that she didn’t bother looking inside because the box was as Maudra Argot described.

Hmmm. HMMMMMMM.

I have my eye on you, Tavra.

urLii taps the box and starts talking about the bell-bird, calling it a signing mountain-gong, and describing how they used to wake the whole world with their song when the first sun rose, that “it was the good morning from Thra, from the Heart, to all.”

Kylan asks what happened to the birds, wanting desperately to be distracted by a story.

“Died out... Died out after the Conjunction. Early on. They sipped from the well of the world, you know. Like flowers grow from the suns. They grew from the song of the Heart of Thra. When the song changed, even in the very beginning... Oh, such large and magnificent creatures cannot subsist on anything less than what gave them birth in the beginning. Old things cannot change quickly. These birds were very old, and the Conjunction very abrupt.”

“I feel like things are happening even more quickly now,” Kylan said. He set the box down before he succumbed to the urge to fling it across the room in frustration. “I feel like every time we try to accomplish something, we’re too late. The Skeksis are always one step ahead of us. Stealing my friends from Sami Thicket, and every other village. How can we hope to fight against them when they already know everything we plan to do? Are they using the Crystal to see beyond the castle? Maybe that’s why they haven’t bothered to come after us. There’s no need! They can tell that we’re not threat to them at all.”

=(

Poor Kylan.

This has been a very taxing journey for a best boy. Naia has had a hard time too but Kylan learned his parents were killed (and maybe eaten??) by a Skeksis, has had a shitty upbringing by Maudra Mera, and has felt useless and a burden almost every step of this journey.

He really was pinning all his hopes on the firca because it was something that only he could do.

S-still, cool to learn some world-building deets? I guess the bell-birds were a canary in the coal mine situation for how things went wrong after the crystal cracked?

Naia tries to cheer up Kylan but he’s uncheerable.

Encouragement was just another story, and stories weren’t going to help them right now.

It hurts to read him think a thought like that =(

Kylan declares that they need to go to Ha’rar like they promised Tavra.

Tavra, to her credit?, doesn’t gloat. Or seem to feel anyway about it at all. Except tired. Relatable.

Amri has been sitting on the sidelines of all this emotion, possibly because he wasn’t as invested in this quest, having just joined, and he still gets to go to the surface and visit places. He asks urLii if anything else in the Tomb of Relics is worth bringing.

“No, it’s mostly junk,” urLii answered.

Amri rubbed his forehead.

Pfffft.

Out of all of the times that the Mystics aren’t entirely helpful, this is my favorite now.

And Amri getting frustrated with him is perfect because to him, urLii isn’t a legendary figure of wisdom, he’s Amri’s doddering old teacher.

So Amri instead asks urLii if there’s a passage to the surface somewhere in the Tomb. The Mystic answers that there is one but it was blocked by a rockslide, although Gelflings might be able to get through anyway. Buuut he doesn’t remember where it is.

So, Amri, Naia, and Tavra split up to cover more ground, again again, but Naia tells Kylan to sit tight and just sort of cope.

“Kylan, stay here if you need to. I know... this has been hard for you. Don’t worry. We’ll find another way, and it’s going to be fine.”

best friends.

Kylan is left alone with urLii who instantly gets distracted by a scroll. And Kylan is feeling Dramatic.

“Is that the fate of song tellers, then?” he asked aloud. “To go mad?”

“Hmm... I don’t know that story, so I couldn’t tell you the end of it.”

Hah.

Also, I know that Kylan is already voiced by Shazad Latif and he does a good job but I’m suddenly imagining him as voiced by Elijah Wood because this is something that I could hear Wirt Overthegardenwall say.

Just saying. Both musical.

urLii asks Kylan if he’s a Spriton and a dream-stitcher and then pulls a conveniently located Spriton tapestry out, one that has been dream-stitched.

It was a Spriton tapestry, woven in the special way that Maudra Mera was known for. Kylan touched it, feeling the beginning of a dreamfast as he did. The dream was stitched into the threads, the simple vision of a field under an open blue sky. The wind smelled sweet with grass, and then it ended.

Geez, Gelfling just keep getting cooler and cooler.

Kylan says that this tapestry doesn’t help because it won’t fix the firca and dream-stitching won’t either and that he can’t really do much of anything.

urLii philosophically says that its Kylan’s decision to make. “One can choose either to be the weaver or the woven. The singer or the song. You know?”

Which just annoys Kylan because abstract philosophy isn’t going to help the material problem he has right now. He even kind of snaps a little at urLii, which is like snapping at a brick wall with googly eyes glued to it. You’re not doing much good there.

“No, I don’t know,” he said. “Maudra Mera only started to teach me dream-stitching because it was the only thing I could do. Then I ran away.”

His short-tempered reply did not offend the Mystic, or if it did, he didn’t show it. urLii stroked his mane in thought.

“Hmm. The only thing you could do... or a thing only you could do?”

AND THAT DOES THE TRICK

Just reversing the concept puts things in a new light for Kylan and makes him reconsider why Maudra Mera tried to teach him dream-stitching.

Good job, urLii.

But Amri finds the surface exit hidden behind some carved stones, pottery, and large gems so urLii tells Kylan to go off and join his friends.

Hey. urLii is pretty great?

The four Gelfling work to clear the obstructions from in front of the door. The other three tire out eventually leaving Tavra tirelessly finishing up.

Tavra wants to set out immediately but Naia convinces her that the other three need a break and they might have to be hauling boulders when they get to the rockslide.

And by convinces I mean Tavra impatiently leans against the wall with her arms crossed, too cool for school style.

Amri jokes that Tavra is as tireless as he imagines a Landstrider is which segues into how he would very much like to see a Landstrider. Kylan promises that when they get down to the Dark Wood or plains, he’ll call some Landstriders for the group.

The Grottan goes on to mentions that if the Landstriders are the patron animal of the Spriton, the muski are the ones of the Drenchen and of course he would like to meet one of those too and maybe he’ll have to start a list.

(I adore Amri)

This makes Naia momentarily sad about Neech being off with Gurjin but she just promises Amri that he’ll get to meet a muski someday.

Amri mentions that the Grottan don’t keep the hollerbats as familiar because they just poop so much. Shame. Bat friends though...

Kylan asks if the Vapra keep unamoths but she takes the small talk as an indication that everyone is good to travel lets immediately set off and not do small talk by getting up from her wall lean and sternly pointing down the tunnel.

Its a shame that I’m maths% sure that she’s a spider because this is a pretty funny moment for a no-fun-allowed character.

The group sets off down the tunnel towards the glimpse of sunlight they see up ahead, Tavra sticking to the back of the group like she expects someone to try to sneak away from the party again. Hah.

But as they travel and since Kylan is in the penultimate back position, he hears Tavra muttering to herself.

“Unamoths are only good for one thing...”

It was quiet, under her breath, and he wasn’t sure if she knew he could hear her when she finished the thought:

“... eating.”

!!!

OKAY SO SHE’S DEFINITELY A SPIDER

Survey #369

“so close, no matter how far  /  couldn’t be much more from the heart  /  forever trusting who we are  /  and nothing else matters”

What are three emotions you experience regularly? Sadness, shame, and stress. Is there someone right now whom you really wish would care for you? -___- Does your job allow visible tattoos? I don’t have a job, but quite honestly, I probably wouldn't take a job that didn't. I just love tattoos a lot and plan on having many, and ignorance and old-fashioned bullshit isn't gonna stop me. Do you know anyone that’s transgender? Yes. Do you think dress codes are unfair? In some places, like schools, yes. Are in a relationship? Tell me about it. I'm not. How is your road rage? I don't have road rage. By god does my sister, though. Favorite cosmetic brands? I don't wear makeup nearly enough to have a preference. The beach or the pool? The pool. I hate the feeling of sand, plus the salty wind and heat. Manga or anime? Anime. Favorites for manga? I've never read any. It's tempting to read Deadman Wonderland since it continues off the very short anime, but I just don't want to. Manga isn't my style. Favorites for anime? Fullmetal Alchemist (including Brotherhood), Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. Favorite academic subject? English. A card game that you’re good at? I'm not exceptionally good at any. Do you eat breakfast? Pretty much always. A popular book you haven’t read yet? To Kill A Mockingbird, to name one I feel like everyone had to read in school. Do you like sweaters? I'm an oversized hoodie person, really. I don't like the look of zippers. Do you like sushi? Never tried it, never will. Do you wear prescription glasses? Yes. I badly need a new pair, because I can't see for shit. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? Myself. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? I have a feeling I'll always have some degree of social anxiety. I'm sure there are other things just not coming to me. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? I had the most friends in my childhood years, probably. Or high school when I actually had a friend group. I'm sure I was most social as a kid in elementary school, not dealing with my social anxiety. I've been the least social like... now, honestly. I go essentially nowhere and have very few friends. Do you prefer to have a few close friends or a bunch of random acquaintances? Which would describe what you have now? I want close friends. I have like... two or so close friends and a handful of acquaintances. I don't know which I have "more" of when you consider the actual level of friendship/"quality" I guess. Do you journal? Generally, what do you write about? Do you find it helpful to get your thoughts out that way, or do you prefer another form of self-expression? I don't actually journal, but you could consider these surveys my "journal." I guess it's kinda why I do them so frequently? Like it lets me get stuff that's going on out, so I find it kinda therapeutic versus keeping all my thoughts jumbled up in my head. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didn't like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? To start off, I am VERY bad at sucking it up and eating something I don't like. My gag reflex is very strong, and I'm also extremely sensitive to textures I don't like, so my reactions are just very involuntary. I can try to subdue my expression when I dislike something, buuut that's extremely difficult. But anyway, yes, I've been to places where I definitely disliked the food, especially this one occasion where we went to a local Southern cooking restaurant that literally ASSUMED you want the staple foods and sweet tea, none of which I enjoy. While everyone else was eating, I just very awkwardly sat there doing nothing and pretty much panicking over looking rude. Thank god, Ashley's father-in-law noticed and called over the waiter for me to actually order something, the way it should be. I was very thankful but still felt bad. What is one way in which you compare yourself to others? In this comparison, do you regard yourself as better or worse off than the people to whom you usually do the comparing? I am very bad and comparing successes with others, but only in ways that demeans me. Like I look at others and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?" It always leads to anger and disgust of myself. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? I've thought a lot lately about how thankful I am to have my mom. She does so very much for me, and I don't think I could absolutely ever repay her in full. I wish I could. She's a damn superhero. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? I was initially going to say getting a job, but thinking about it, getting to my goal weight might be an even greater help. It would help my leg pain, not having to carry as much around, I'm sure my hyperhidrosis wouldn't be as bad (I hope), and it would MASSIVELY affect my happiness. Like I cannot tell you how negatively my weight has damaged my self-esteem, confidence, and peace with myself. Is there one emotion that you experience more often than any other? Is there an emotion you rarely ever experience? I'd say I experience stress more than anything. I'm always thinking of something that's causing a ruckus in my life. A rare emotion for me is uhhhh jealousy, even though I've dealt with it more lately. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? The disease that I think scares me more than any is Alzheimer's/dementia. I just... cannot possibly imagine. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? I'm very mopey and tired, and I can be a bit more irritable. I really, really appreciate help with things like chores when I'm not feeling well. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? It's a very small thing, but I weaned down from having two cans of soda a day to just one. Mom is proud of me for it, which I appreciate a lot. Admittedly, it does kinda matter to me that those who know it's a big deal to me see and care about my accomplishments. I'm bad about needing external validation. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? Ugh, the heat. Spring and summer are miserable to me because I veeery much love the chilly weather and no damn humidity. Have you made any changes to your style or “look” lately? How often do you change your appearance, hairstyle, fashion, etc? Or is it a pretty constant thing? No; my style is pretty constant. What was the last thing you felt hopeful about? Do you think there’s a good chance of whatever-it-is working out in your favor, or not so much? Getting a job at the tattoo parlor. I'm fearful that they won't be open to the position I'd like, so I'm trying to not get my hopes up too high. We'll find out in two days. Have you ever “recovered” from anything? What does “recovery” mean or look like to you? Yes, a traumatic breakup. I'd say recovery is just healing as much as possible from something, be it physical or emotional. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? My dad was an alcoholic, if that qualifies. That definitely isn't a *normal* thing for someone's childhood. I think it was harmful, honestly, especially because I've had more than a few nightmares about my dad drunk. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? Oh jeez... Probably not since Sara and I went catfishing with my dad. I wandered around with her some as she ventured for toads, haha. I don't really notice a dip in my mood, just because I'm so used to being indoors. I do prefer getting some time with nature, it's just hard and uncomfortable with how easy I sweat, and my knees sure do cuss me the fuck out in the form of a billion cracks if I walk much (by my standards...). What did you dream about last night? I had two dreams, but I only remember one, in which a giant green tree python was eating me backwards so I was conscious through it all. No hard feelings, I still want one as a pet, haha. They're GORGEOUS snakes and no, absolutely cannot eat you even if it tried its damnedest. What were your childhood dreams? To be a paleontologist, then a vet. What are your dreams now? If we're talking career-wise, to be a nature and wildlife photographer that gets to travel a lot. What are some Halloween costumes you would like to wear in the future? I've mentioned that #1 on my list is Ms. Oogie Boogie, then uhhhh... wow, I'm surprised I'm blanking, because I know there are lots I've thought of. Were you born with hair on your head? Yes. Would you rather have a home birth or hospital birth? I'm not having kids, but holy mother of fuck I'd have my baby at a hospital with a goddamn epidural. I do NOT know how some people can do it naturally, bigass props to them. Do you currently live in the house you grew up in? No. If not, what do you miss about it?^ It was just in general a nice house, the best one we've lived in. We had a pretty big yard too, so lots of room to play around as kids. What’s your favorite type of yogurt? I'm not a big yogurt person, really. What were your high school’s team colors? Red and white. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Girt, Maria, Megan, Dennis, Dakota... What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? A tarantula. *puppy eyes emoji* Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? If so, what? English courses were very easy for me, and I was pretty good with science. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? Not like, a whole grade, but I surpassed Writing I in my last college endeavor and started out in Writing II instead. What’s your favorite rock band? Oh brother, you can't ask me this. Who’s your favorite country singer? I consistently like Tim McGraw a bit. How many drawers does your dresser have? My dresser is unnecessarily big. There's like five or six. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? Yes. One of my favorite pictures I've taken was at Ashley's gender reveal for Emerson; even she didn't know. When her husband pulled the fog thing and it was pink, her expression was just priceless. Was your first car used or new? I haven't had my first personal car. How did you discover your favorite band? By going through my mom's CDs when I was getting into rock music. Ozzy was the first truly metal and not rock band that I ventured into. What was the last big decision you made? BIG decision... I don't know. Probably dropping out of college. What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? I love window shopping for pets online, haha. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? A political stance. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Oh yikes, it's been more than a while... It may have been Girt? In which case we probably watched TV or played board games together. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Jason just loves to show up in my dreams more than anyone else. I don't really wonder that, no. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I wish I could tell Bryar (Jason's friend I got in a fight with) I misunderstood something he said to me ("martyr" has two different definitions, and I somehow didn't know the modern one at the time) that made me seem like an absolute, attention-seeking bitch. It's so fucking embarrassing to look back on, because I agreed with him because I thought he meant it as I would die for my beliefs, which is true. What worries you most about your future? Whether or not I'll ever be in the physical shape I want to be in again. Or if I'll have a stable job. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? Find distractions, like funny YouTube videos. I also engage in deep breathing and grounding methods. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Oh my god, in elementary school, we read a book where everything a boy touched turned to chocolate. Weird book. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? Other people, definitely. I like having someone to talk to and comment on what we're watching. There's nothing I won't watch alone. What was the subject of the last video you watched? It was a let's play.

I write stuff, at times. I swear.

(Check it out! These are my research books and plot outline for this novel that I’ve been working on for nearly half a decade!)

So, it’s National Novel Writing Month, and I’ll probably be a little absent from this site for the rest of November ‘cause I’m trying to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days and am also the boss lady (ML) for the event in my area and have boss lady things that I should be doing.

Buuut since my novel is my Kill la Kill fairytale AU (which I even have a tag for!), posting about the project isn’t totally procrastinating, right? 

Anyway, I’ve written drafts of this story for two NaNos already (2016 and 2017), and the first draft is basically getting totally flushed down the toilet, but the second draft is closer to what I wanna go for, so I’ve been revisiting it to see what I wanna do with my NaNo 2019 attempt. 

And did you know? Maybe kinda relevant to all the anon hate lately, one OC I wrote for the story is a villain that exemplifies a lot of what I hate about myself. Her situation is of course different than mine—I ain’t beautiful, lol—but her jealousy, vindictiveness, egotism, etc. are all things that I despise about me.

Like, I guess maybe you could consider her my evil self-insert. Pfft.

I dunno how much of her backstory will really be in the final draft, and it’s definitely way, waaaaaaaaay too much right now ‘cause it was written for NaNo and all, lol, but tl;dr, tl;dr, I guess one big message of my entire story is that being bitter and envious isn’t fair to anyone, destroys others and yourself, and I gotta knock that crap off or be just as awful as this awful, awful woman (who arguably literally caused some of the biggest problems in the book).

If anyone’s interested in reading, I’ve included her segment under the cut! (As well as a little segment about Senketsu ‘cause that’s just where it was placed ‘cause this novel is a disaster in terms of organization, lol.) It’s super messy and unedited ‘cause it was written for NaNo, and I only lightly cleaned up some grammar and placeholder names for this upload, but eyyy, I swear I do write creatively, sometimes!!

And maybe me being so honest about the stuff I hate about myself will do something for others, I dunno. I can only hope ^^; 

From Chapter 5, “About King Prasenajit’s Daughter Ugly Adamantina”

As it would happen, the curse that befell the beautiful empress’s princess was quite the complicated affair. If the man in the cave could have been there and could have known, he might have begun the story by speaking in great length of a woman from a kingdom far beyond the Kingdom of the Reed Plains.

The woman, you see, was a magnificent, wondrous healer. She knew her medicines and herbs better than anyone had ever seen, and she knew how to combine them better than anyone had ever seen, too. And so it was said, as it may be imagined, that she was a prodigy of her craft, and she was a genius, and she could only be a miracle doctor sent from the gods.

But it was not purely the healer’s knowledge that made her well known throughout her kingdom and others. The healer, much as the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains, was also extraordinarily beautiful. People would come from far and wide to set their eyes upon her, just as people would the empress, and those who were lucky enough to be her patient would say, in great sincerity, that the healer’s beauty alone was enough to cure them of all sickness and pain.

So you must imagine that when the empress sent for all the best doctors and healers in her land and lands far beyond that this miracle doctor was called for. The healer received the invitation one quiet afternoon, and she tried her very hardest to hide her displeasure as she listened to the empress’s messenger speak.

All those with the healer were left open-mouthed by the messenger’s letter. They oohed and ahed, and then they very quickly turned their attention to the woman to whom the letter had been addressed to.

The woman smiled her politest smile, bowing before the messenger as though the messenger herself was the empress

“It is a great honor that you have come all this way,” the healer said, and she hoped very heartily that her irritation did not seem apparent in her voice. “I am much humbled to be called upon by the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains herself, and I pray for the empress’s health and happiness, and for the health and happiness of her child.”

The healer rose from her bow now. “However, I cannot leave my patients, and so I must decline.” She bowed again, her dark hair falling over her shoulders and concealing the cruel smile on her lips.

Silence fell over the room. To decline a royal order was unheard of, and the poor messenger seemed at a loss for what to say to the woman’s refusal.

Everyone’s eyes had fallen upon the woman. She was no longer smiling. There was a great sense of dread building inside her, as though she had swallowed an entire snake whole.

It was a royal order, the healer realized, even if it was not a royal order from her own country.

And so, with another great bow, and knowing that there was nothing she could do, the woman said, “Please forgive my manners. I will be on my way.”

The healer did indeed travel to the empress’s kingdom. It was a long journey, quite uncomfortable if the healer could say so herself, and all the while, her human heart grew colder and colder.

To help the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains! the healer thought to herself. It was the very last thing she could have ever wanted because, you see, she was quite worn of hearing of the empress’s beauty.

“They say, good healer,” she had been told, time and time again, “that she is even more beautiful than you yourself!”

The healer had to listen and listen to such sentiments and always smile so politely back at them, as though she truly liked to be compared in such a manner! It was a disgusting thing, the healer thought to herself all throughout her journey to the Kingdom of the Reed Plains. Not only did she have to go so many ri away from her homeland, but she had to use her skills to help this woman who could not possibly appreciate her own beauty!

How could she ever appreciate her beauty as I appreciate my beauty? the healer asked herself. Only small people came to tell the healer of her wondrous looks, you see, and the healer always adored every single one of her admirers, but the empress was adored by big people, and very big people came to even catch a glimpse of her, and she could not be like the healer herself, the healer knew, because she had to be very haughty and condescending and must surely not be thankful for the great gift of beauty she had received!

But I am thankful, the healer told herself, and she continued to tell herself this as she went on her way. She thought to herself that someone as high and mighty as the empress did not deserve her talents, and a woman like that also could not understand what it would be like to be born ugly, because a woman like that could never, ever appreciate what a great gift beauty truly is in the cruel, inhospitable world that they both lived in.

It is here, then, that the healer began to entertain a great, terrible idea.

She thought to herself, It would be most wonderful, if the empress’s child is born hideous!

And so the healer laughed to herself, and she thought herself quite amazing to consider such a thing, but she never did consider the thought anything more than a thought.

That is, you see, until the healer first arrived at the empress’s palace.

#

The story of the bitter-hearted healer is a story that the man in the cave could not tell you.

The man in the cave could also not tell you about love between humans and demons to Satsuki or anybody else. That is also a story the man does not know.

Perhaps, too, he does not want to know.

But the little red demon knows this story. It is the story that fills his blood and built his bones, and it is the story he will dedicate his life to believing.

Indeed, to the little red demon, the story that the man in the cave tells Satsuki one day—of demons and humans as mortal enemies where peace is impossible, and only one can be the victor—feels as wrong to the child as a waterfall that he has never seen flowing backwards, up a cliff.

But it is this story, you see, that the little demon heard time and time again from his mama’s setsuwa and stories.

“Why is it,” the red demon asked his mother one day, long before he catches his sister prepared to drink their mama’s blood and long before he comes across the young Ryuko collapsed in the snow, “that in all of Mama’s tales, the demons want to hurt the humans?”

He had thought at first that it was simply the case of a few villainous demons. There are surely many stories where humans play the role of the evil force that must be vanquished. But the demon soon saw that humans were allowed to be heroes and kind princesses and great shining beauties. All demons ever could be were empty-headed and ugly and horrible, ravenous beasts.

The demon saw, too, the way his mama’s face would turn red in the same manner in which his face would turn green as she told him, “Do not let these stories about the bad demons make you feel as though you are destined to be bad and nothing more. There are many good demons, too.”

But Mama could not seem to tell the little red demon a single story she had heard about a good demon.

Mother had been at the loom when the red demon asked why it is the demons must always be the villain. She was weaving, chan, chan, chan, karin, and this she continued to do as she answered the little demon’s question, her amber eyes fixed on her work.

“Those stories are very ordinary human stories, my love,” she said. “If I were to tell you demon stories—and I could not, I must say, because I am not very much good with words like your dear mama—then you would see that the demons see the humans as the humans see the demons.”

The red demon was left very confused indeed. “But why would the humans and the demons want to see each other as evil?” he asked. “Isn’t it ordinary for humans and demons to be together?”

Mother still did not look the little red demon’s way. She seemed distant, as though a thousand ri away. “No, my love,” she said. “Your Mama and I are... not very ordinary at all.” A smile was on her lips as she told him so, but she seemed almost sad at the statement, as though the admittance of being unordinary brought a sort of pain, the kind that the demon would come to feel when he looks upon the fallen girl in the snow.

“Demons and humans are not meant to mix,” Mother said. “That is what everyone will tell you, both humans and demons, and even the little birds that come to visit this home will tell you, too.”

The little red demon still did not understand. The situation became ever more puzzling to the child, as incomprehensible as the world saw the red demon’s very existence.

“But you are very happy together,” he said. He frowned, the usual chan, chan, chan, karin of his mother’s loom no longer the soothing sound of his childhood but an anxious rhythm that the demon could not free from his mind.

“No, we are very happy together,” he insisted.

Mother laughed. “Yes, my little smart one,” she said. She patted the demon’s head, careful to avoid the horns that were just growing from his scalp. “But most people, my love, human and demon alike, do not believe it is possible.” She smiled again, though it still looked strange and distant, and she took her hands from the loom where she had been weaving, finally turning her eyes upon her son.

The little demon saw that she had been crying.

“Most people,” she said, “believe it is a curse for a demon to let a human into their heart, and for a human to let a demon into theirs.”

Mother turned her wet eyes away from the little red demon. “But I would do it,” she told him, unwaveringly, as though speaking a grand declaration no matter the quiet whisper of her voice.

And the red demon felt it was more to herself than to him that his mother then said, “If she would let me, I would grant her every wish and keep a piece of her within me, always.”

#

A story the man in the cave does know, as it would happen, is the story of how demons hold within them the power to grant any human’s wish.

This, you see, is a story that more humans once understood, back when the Kingdom of the Reed Plains had not been cursed to be covered in an endless, inhospitable snow that would not disappear and could not disappear.

It was a story that the bitter-hearted healer who had gone to see the empress had known, and she considered this story her first evening she spent in the beautiful empress’s palace as she peered outside to the lands that were not her kingdom and not anything much like her home country.

If I would give my heart to demons to have a wish granted, she thought to herself, I would not have my wish be to make the empress’s child born hideous.

But it would be such a nice thing, she considered some more, if I could truly make such a reality with my own two hands.

Another healer interrupted her thoughts with a great curse of her own. This healer was unabashed in her complaints and did not keep them locked deeply away as the bitter-hearted healer did.

This healer said, “I am number 37, can you believe it?” She expressed a great many more curses, crossing her arms and pouting in a manner that the bitter-hearted healer could not help but find quite admirable.

“I am number 43, myself,” she said. She smiled politely, as she was so very used to doing in her practice. “I am sure I will not be able to return to my home kingdom for quite a long while yet.”

At this, the other healer offered a sympathetic look. “Oh,” she said, and she shook her head, as though ashamed of herself. “I live very near this palace, and here I have been cursing!”

“You have every right to be upset,” said the bitter-hearted healer. She tried very hard to restrain herself from clenching up her fists at the thought of the beautiful empress and how that woman had successfully called her to this wretched palace.

The other healer smiled at that. “I most certainly do have all the reason in the world to be upset!” she said. “Calling upon so many healers and doctors! You must forgive our empress.” She lowered her voice, until she was near whispering. “She is just very afraid of losing a fourth child, you see.”

This the bitter-hearted healer understood perfectly, and had the empress been another, uglier woman, perhaps the healer would have been meant it, when she said, “I wish the best for her and her child.”

“With all these healers and doctors, there won’t be any need for wishing,” answered the other healer, and then she was quite quiet for a moment before she added, “To tell the truth, I wasn’t happy with my number because I wished to return to my family as soon as possible, but also....” She paused, as though bashful. “It’s maybe a bit silly, but I’m afraid I won’t even be able to meet the beautiful empress with my late number! I was hoping to make my family very jealous for getting to be in the same room as her!”

The bitter-hearted healer’s smile slipped, just slightly. She then made her smile all the brighter as she answered, “I have heard that she is quite a sight.”

“So the talk of her beauty goes beyond even our little Kingdom of the Reed Plains!” cried the other healer. “I so wish to see for myself.”

The healer then looked very carefully at the bitter-hearted woman.

“I hope you don’t mind my saying, Miss, but I almost find it hard to imagine a woman prettier than you.”

The bitter-hearted healer’s smile became very wicked. “You flatter me!” she said. “I am sure I cannot hold even a candle to the empress’s beauty.”

“I suppose we will see about that,” said the other healer.

But the bitter-hearted healer very much did not want to see about it. She had only been in the empress’s palace a few mere hours, but already it seemed an eternity, and so there came the time when the bitter-hearted healer—surely not thinking clearly, mind you—left her room that night and walked very resolutely to the palace gates. The other doctors and healers looked at her quite oddly as she did this, and the guards of the palace questioned her quite thoroughly.

“It is unwise,” said one of the palace guards, “to walk the streets at night, when the demons are about.”

The healer considered it might almost be a blessing, if she could be eaten by demons and never have to come before the horrible empress she did not want to see!

But the healer smiled very politely, as she was so very used to doing from her practice. “My number is very far off, you see,” she said, and she showed the guard the parchment with 43 written cleanly upon it. “I have relatives not far from this palace, and I would very much like to spend the night with them, if you understand.”

The guard shifted uncomfortably. “I understand...” he said, “But you were to come here, on royal orders—“

“And I will return,” said the bitter-hearted healer. Though she had interrupted the man, the tone of her voice had become sweeter than sugared honey. Her impertinence almost seemed kind.

“Yes, I hear what you are saying,” said the guard, and once more he shifted uncomfortably, “but you must understand....”

He could not finish his words. The bitter-hearted healer ran fingers through her slick black hair. She batted her eyelashes, only a small amount. “I know it is dangerous,” she said, “but I am a healer, and I am very good at what I do—as I am sure you know because I am standing here before you right this moment!—and if any demon were to try to hurt me, I could heal myself in just an instant!”

The bitter-hearted healer bowed down very low before the guard. “Please, good man, I am begging you to let me go.”

It was with a great hesitance that the guard did exactly so.

But the truth is that the bitter-hearted healer had no family in that kingdom. She knew no one at all in the Kingdom of the Reed Plains, and she entertained the thought that she could run away to a new settlement somewhere, perhaps by the mountains, and then she could avoid ever seeing the empress and ever living with the shame from refusing a royal order from a kingdom allied with her own.

The person she was at that moment could be considered lost. She could start a new life, and she could become a healer even more renowned than she had been in her backwater hometown. The healer’s head buzzed with ideas, bun, bun. Of course she could start up a new business someplace far away! She was so beautiful that she would quickly become the talk of the town no matter where it is she went!

This thought brought the bitter-hearted healer to stop in her tracks. No, she thought, she could not become the talk of the town in a town where the only beauty anyone could speak of was an empress who did not appreciate her beauty nor deserve it!

The healer clutched the lantern she had taken with her on her journey away from the palace quite tightly. Why did all her thoughts keep returning to such a terrible woman? Even when she had been thinking of the new life she would build for herself, the healer could not help but think of the empress.

She frowned to herself, all by herself in a great kingdom with a wondrous empress, in the forest just beyond the palace, no less, and she thought to herself that she must be such a pitiful sight that even demons would take pity upon her and spare her life should they ever find her.

The bitter-hearted healer, however, did not realize that she was so stuffed full of bitterness and cold that she smelled quite terrible to the demons who were indeed wandering about the Kingdom of the Reed Plains that night.

“That atrocious stench is ruining all the wonderful ones,” the woman heard a demon complain (though she was not aware that it was a demon speaking because the healer did not truly expect to come across demons in her great escape from the palace).

Zushin, zushin, the healer heard, thud, thud, stomp, stomp.“It must be another cold heart,” said another demon (that the healer again was not aware was truly a demon at all).

But it is quite disconcerting to hear voices that you cannot see the source of in the midst of the night, and so it was then that the healer, whose heart was beating very quickly at that moment, raised her lantern and shone it all around her.

“Who is there?” she asked. The light danced all about the darkness, and when it settled upon a face, the bitter-hearted healer was rather surprised that this face was a considerably good-looking face.

She was even more surprised when she saw another face besides the first face that was equally attractive, and indeed perhaps even more so.

“Ah,” said the owner of the first face, who looked to the bitter-hearted healer to be a young woman with eyes that sparkled like bright red rubies.“So it is you who are making this horrible, ghastly stench all throughout these lands.”

Of course, it is even more disconcerting to hear a beautiful stranger in the woods describe you as smelling atrocious, and so perhaps it is not unusual that the bitter-hearted healer felt her bitterness grow and grow within her, puffing out and expanding much like her medicinal breads did in the ovens back in her home.

She said, “Well, now, how terribly rude! I will have you know that I have traveled quite a long way!Even the bath that I have been offered in this kingdom has not treated me well, it seems!”

The owner of the second beautiful face, who seemed to the bitter-hearted healer to be an older woman with great red lips that were a deeper color than even the setting sun, shook her head at the healer, her long, dark hair brushing against her shoulders and elaborate flowered kimono.

“You misunderstand, Miss,” said this second beauty.“No amount of sweet soaps or fragrances or wondrous baths could save you from this disgusting stench that falls off you much as snow falls from the sky.”

The second beauty lifted her chin up very high.“This reek feels even more endless than snow, too,” she said.

This, too, made the bitter-hearted healer even more bitter hearted than she had been before.

The two beauties coughed before the healer could even begin to speak.

“You are making it worse!” said the first woman. “It is no good to upset a human who already smells so terrible.”

These words were the first that the bitter-hearted woman could perhaps smile at. She said, “Come now, are you traveling storytellers looking for refuge by the palace? It is quite funny of you to try to include even your audience as part of your story, but I must confess that I do not have a single coin upon my person at this moment.”

The bitter-hearted healer laughed, and the sound was surely as horrible a sound as her heart was a horrible heart and her stench was a horrible stench. “I must say, though,” said the bitter-hearted healer, “that it is not quite an appealing act to begin by insulting your audience and then continue by calling them 'human' as though you are not humans yourselves!”

These words made the two demons laugh quite heartily indeed, gera, gera, ha, ha. They laughed much more heartily than the woman, and they laughed much more genuinely, and when they had finished this laughter and wiped the tears from their eyes, the younger beauty smiled in a way that the bitter-hearted healer did not find so attractive.

Indeed, she found the grin quite terrifying.

Because, you see, the bitter-hearted healer saw that this beauty had teeth that were perhaps not quite so beautiful. There were long fangs, sharp, and it seemed very much to the healer that she was looking straight at the smiling jaws of a great monster.

“As though we are not humans ourselves!” repeated the once-beauty. The strange creature laughed once more, looking less and less beautiful to the bitter-hearted healer with every second. Its form seemed to distort and mutate before the bitter-hearted healer, and the sight was to the woman very hideous and unsightly, but somehow, you see, she could not look away.

And so it was that the bitter-hearted healer watched with wide eyes as rosy skin changed to a slick blue, shiny, dark hair became as long and wild and white as snowflakes in a great storm, and the once-beauty seemed to grow several feet, towering over the bitter-hearted healer with eyes that the healer then realized to be the shining eyes of a demon.

She also realized that they were the shining eyes of a very hungry demon.

The bitter-hearted healer, in her immense fear, toppled to the ground with a great gasp, haa, haa, wheeze, pant. Her lantern shattered, and the flames jumped out, lighting the leaves scattered upon the forest floor on fire and threatening to burn the trees as well.

Here the demons’ laughter was quite diminished.

“Look what you have made the foolish human do with your silly sideshow display,” said the older beauty. She had shifted her form as well, now bearing the appearance of a massive, red-haired blue demon clad in tiger skins, with three great horns upon her head.

She stomped out the fires with her feet, zushin, zushin, thud, thud, and the younger demon only helped with what the bitter-hearted healer would have considered reluctance, if she had the mind to think clearly. Soon enough only a small bit of flames remained, and this the younger demon held in her hands as though it was a small, fluttering little heart.

“It must be strange to you to see that flames do not burn us,” said the demon, perhaps not knowing—or perhaps knowing very, very well—that the bitter-hearted healer could think nothing on how a demon would not be burned by flames.

“As it would happen, silly, stinky human,” she explained, “demons are not affected by the cold or the heat like you flimsy creatures.”

The bitter-hearted healer could not quite take another moment of this torture. Her heart was nearly threatening to jump out of her chest, beating so very quickly, baku, baku, thump, thump, because, you see, though the healer had often come face to face with death in her practice, she had never given very much thought to the idea that she could truly, actually be the one facing death one day!

She pressed her head against the singed, cold ground with her hands in front of her and said, “Oh, please, demons, please, please spare me! Once you understand my sad tale, you cannot possibly wish to eat me!”

Of course, the bitter-hearted healer did not understand the tale of the demons themselves (and this she would never understand, much as the man in the cave would never understand the love between demons and humans, but, ah, that is a story for quite another time). The bitter-hearted healer did not understand that the demons she had encountered that fateful night were demons from a smaller settlement, and she did not know that this settlement had grown very tired of hunting humans and so had pledged, with great sincerity and passion, to refrain from ever tasting the sweet flavors of human flesh and blood ever again.

It is easy to say that the bitter-hearted healer could not have understood this tale, and it would be correct to say so, because no human in all the Kingdom of the Reed Plains at the time could say that they knew of the demons within their own lands who had sworn off eating them forever. But the bitter-hearted healer would also not have understood this tale should she have ever been told it, because, you see, to the bitter-hearted healer, a demon was a demon, and demons ate people, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

However, the bitter-hearted healer did think very much that she could avoid being the human the demons chose to eat, if she were only clever enough.

And so the woman pushed her face even farther into the dirt (which she didn’t quite think possible), and she said, “You would understand my tale, too!”  The woman’s voice absolutely dripped with desperation, and there was enough that the demons could scoop it up with their hands and drink and be filled. “You are very beautiful demons,” the woman cried, “and my sad tale could only be understood by those who understand the gift of great beauty, and I know very well that you understand this gift!”

Now, the demons had no desire to eat the woman or even drink her blood on account of their pledge, and truth be told, they would have no desire to eat the woman or even drink her blood had they not been bound by such a pledge. There was such a terrible, ghastly stench coming off the woman and her cold, frozen heart, and the demons were quite sure that, should they even attempt to eat her, she would taste as terrible and ghastly as she smelled.

The bitter-hearted woman could also not have known that the younger demon entertained the thought of wiping her tongue off on the bark of trees after tasting someone as disgusting as the woman who sat crouched before her, and indeed, she would not have even considered such a thing. To the bitter-hearted woman, all that mattered was her beauty, and as her thinking went, beautiful creatures must also taste quite delicious, and so she must have seemed quite the delectable treat to the two demons before her.

As the bitter-hearted woman saw her situation, she would have to try her very, very hardest to not be eaten.

The demons played along with the woman. “A tale, you say?” asked the older demon woman. “Perhaps you are the one who should be the traveling storyteller?”

In all her fear, the bitter-hearted woman thought herself at least wise enough to agree with a demon when asked such a question. “Perhaps, perhaps!” she agreed, though deep inside she could not imagine being in such a lowly, silly, worthless profession as a traveling storyteller.

The demons tried very hard to refrain from gagging at how the woman’s stench became much more terrible with her lie. They continued to play the woman’s game.

“We shall see how skilled you are,” the younger demon woman said. She still held the flames in her hands, coaxing the fire as though it were a small animal.

“Yes, yes, you shall see!” cried the bitter-hearted healer, and she then told her story in the best manner she could muster. She spoke of how the beautiful empress did not deserve her beauty and did not appreciate it, and she spoke of how all the empress deserved was a hideous child, and she said that she had half-considered running away from this horrible place and starting a brand-new life because she quite abhors ungratefulness, you see, and the beautiful empress is surely the definition of ungrateful!

The bitter-hearted healer could not have known how the demons reacted to her story. She could not have understood how the two looked at each other with great plans and ideas blooming in their minds, and she could not understand the language that they spoke to one another in quiet tones, because to the bitter-hearted healer, you see, the language of the demons sounded much the same as the go-o, go-o of the wind.

And so after the bitter-hearted healer had spoken all she had to say, she stared a great, long while at the two incredible creatures before her, knowing all too well in her frozen heart that there was nothing else she could do.

But it was such a long, painful time that the demons spoke to one another, and as you might imagine from a woman who believed very sincerely that she was at death’s door, the bitter-hearted woman became quite consumed by fear. Though there was a great bitterness inside her that would not go away, there came too to be a great terror.

How horrible and unfair is everything! the woman could not help but think, tainting her scent ever more as her heart grew ever colder. Here she had not only come to the ungrateful empress’s kingdom to do her a great deed, but on her first night in the supposedly beautiful empress’s lands, she is held hostage by demons and sentenced to death! Her great kindness to come to the empress’s aid had only resulted in her very downfall!

And so the bitter-hearted woman fumed quite thoroughly to herself, and her bitterness grew and grew, and the demons spoke more and more quickly because, you see, they were not so certain how much longer they could stand being so close to such a cold-hearted, cruel woman.

It was only once the bitter-hearted healer became very convinced that she was going to be eaten on the spot that the older demon woman said, with a hesitance that the woman did not recognize as hesitance, “You have told quite an amazing story indeed.”

The bitter-hearted woman thought immediately upon hearing these words that the demon was genuine in saying them, and she would have been correct, to an extent, because the demon woman did find her tale amazing, in a sense.

The younger demon woman said, “We like your story very much, and we would like to help you! It is true; a cruel fate has come upon you, and it is not fair that you have been sent away to this kingdom! To think that you have been sent all this way to help such an empress as the human empress that reigns in the Kingdom of the Reed Plains! It is disgusting! Despicable!”

At these words, the bitter-hearted healer could have broken out into tears, and it is only the older demon’s next words that keep her from doing just that.

“If you would come with us, just a ways, we can make it so your dreams can come true,” she said.

The bitter-hearted healer felt the great relief that had only just filled her dissipate away, tainted. Her fear came back, and this fear was a terror so great that it felt to the bitter-hearted healer to be almost as tangible as the rain that began to fall upon her at that moment, zabun, zabun, plop, plop. With dread and anxiety building deep within her, the bitter-hearted woman considered many possibilities for what the demons planned to do now.

They were discussing which of my body parts they are going to eat, she thought to herself. They are going to take me back with them to their home, and they are going to enjoy me while they drink away all the water in the river that they must live by, because of course demons must live by a river! I am going to die here, and these demons must consider me quite foolish, to think that their compliments and kind words are enough to tempt me straight into the jaws of death!

The bitter-hearted woman grew more and more bitter, but she smiled very kindly at the demons, the way she had become so accustomed to from her practice, and she knew that even in the rain, she looked very beautiful when she smiled.

“I will go with you,” she said, and she got to her feet, and the demons smiled back at her, though even the bitter-hearted woman could sense that these smiles were not fully kind.

And so the bitter-hearted healer went with the demons because there was surely nothing else she could do, and she thought to herself that when they stopped and tried to devour her whole, she could perhaps kick their teeth, or perhaps they were thinking of saving her for another day, in which case she could steal their shoes and surely run a thousand ri in just a moment.

On and on the bitter-hearted healer’s thought went in this way, and she was so very preoccupied with her illusions that she did not notice at first that the demons had stopped. The bitter-hearted woman had only the little flickering light of the demon’s fire (that had somehow not been extinguished in the rain) to use to see in the darkness, but it seemed to her that they had stopped before what the healer recognized to be an herb garden much like the one she had back in her own backwater hometown.

“It is exactly what you believe it to be,” said the younger demon. The older demon then proceeded to pick from the garden something that the healer could not recognize, even with her great skill and beauty at her craft.

The bitter-hearted woman wondered briefly if whatever it is that the demon had picked would be used to make her tastier, or perhaps it was poison, and the demons truly had been moved by her tale and wished for her to have a peaceful demise rather than be swallowed whole.

It took everything the bitter-hearted woman had to not shudder terribly at this thought.

But the older demon explained, very matter-of-fact, what it was in her hands. “We do not grow the same herbs as you humans do,” she said. “Demons are much stronger than humans, with hearts that are much lighter, and we are far more advanced in our medicines.”

The bitter-rated healer did not believe this in the slightest, but she smiled her very politest smile. “I would very much like to learn more about your herbs,” she said, though she wished to say, I want absolutely nothing to do with your cursed medicines because they would be sure to poison me and all my patients!

“Unfortunately for you, I cannot share the demons’ secrets with a human,” said the older demon. “But I can provide you with this herb, to present to the empress.”

This the bitter-hearted healer found very surprising indeed.

“An herb to present to the empress?” she repeated, a strange sensation of excitement filling her no matter the fact that she was surely just seconds away from being tricked into her own demise by demons.

“Yes,” said the younger demon. “If you present this herb to the empress, her child will be born very, very healthy, because we demons have healing magic, you know, and we have the power to cure nearly any ailment known in the world just using our own power. You must imagine that our medicines are capable of much, much more.”

The bitter-hearted healer felt her excitement wane. Her polite smile fell to nastiness, and this she did not even make the slightest attempt to hide. “Why in the world would I want to give the empress exactly what she wants?” she asked. It seemed so very horrible, and she considered herself such a very sad creature, to be in a position where even the demons sided with a disgraceful, ungrateful empress over her! Was she not beautiful enough to be given whatever it is she wanted? She, who so respected and was so very grateful for the gift of beauty that she had received from the gods?

And though the bitter-hearted woman did not take any note of it, the older demon would think that perhaps she was too harsh with her next words, but she could not help it, you see, because it is a demon’s curse to be extraordinarily honest, even if humans could not comprehend nor understand this honesty.

She said, “We would hope that even the most wicked of humans would not wish for a child to be born so sickly that they perish shortly after birth,” but then she shook her head and said to the bitter-hearted empress, who smelled even more terrible at this point and seemed very much to be fuming, “But we would like to make your dream come true, healer from a faraway kingdom.”

The bitter-hearted healer crossed her arms and surveyed the demons quite thoroughly now. “Are you saying?” she started, and she could not quite finish, even if that was quite unbecoming of a beautiful lady.

“Yes,” said the younger demon. Her face was lit up by the flame that still danced in her palm. “If you give this herb to the empress, her child will be born uglier than any human and far uglier than any demon.”

A great, horrible smile came upon the bitter-hearted healer’s face at this revelation. She very gladly took the herb from the older demon, and she even more gladly presented this herb to the beautiful empress when she returned to the palace to a very relieved guard and when it came to be her turn to come before the terrible empress who had brought such pain and misfortune upon her life.

“Take this,” the bitter-hearted healer said very confidently to the empress, smiling her very politest smile that she had grown much accustomed to smiling from her practice. “Place it in your tea, and be sure that the tea is very warm, and your child will be born very healthy and very lovely.”

The bitter-hearted healer, you see, was not like the honest demons. She very much relished her lie, and her very politest smile would have seemed distinctly not polite, had anyone looked closely enough.

But no one looked closely enough, because the bitter-hearted healer was simply a small healer from a faraway kingdom, and though she was a great beauty, no one could be bothered to look her way, not when in the same room as the most beautiful empress in all the world.

However, perhaps the woman’s heart was not as cold as the demons had seen it, because even this bitter-hearted healer felt within her a sting of remorse as she stood before the empress. In the woman’s mind, you see, the empress was surely not as beautiful as she was made out to be, but this silly empress held herself up as though she was the most beautiful creature on all of the Earth! The bitter-hearted healer almost felt sorry for the poor creature, left thinking that she is so amazingly lovely when she is so clearly not.

And yet, as it may be expected from a tale such as this one, the bitter-hearted healer’s small bit of remorse was not enough for her to treat the empress properly, as she would one of her own patients back in her hometown that the woman found herself missing in increasing amounts, and so she kept her smiling as the empress thanked her for her work.

The bitter-hearted healer, of course, did not know that it was not the demons who had made it so the medicine would cause the princess of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains to be born horrifically ugly. She could not know, and she could not understand, because she did not realize her own bitter-heartedness and would never understand it, not for as long as she lived (and this, you see, was not a very much time longer).

“Humans with hearts as cold as this woman,” the old demon had said to the younger demon, back when they had first heard the healer’s sobbed tale, in a language that the bitter-hearted healer did not understand and could not understand, “are capable of tainting even the strongest medicine with evil, but it is they who suffer the most from their bitterness. A human heart is not meant to be cold. Humans are not designed for the cold as we demons are, and a frozen heart can only beat for so long before it wears itself away with its darkness.”

And so, perhaps it was not odd that the bitter-hearted healer did not live to see the day that her tainted medicine had done its work, and the empress’s daughter was indeed born as hideous as a snake. The healer was a miracle doctor from the heavens and a healer who could heal all, it seemed, except herself. The bitter-hearted woman’s coldness made her incurably ill upon returning to her kingdom, and the people sighed for a moment at her passing.

“She was quite a beauty,” the people said, because it was quite sad to lose someone who looked so lovely, just as it is quite sad to lose a lovely flower to an unseasonal bout of cold weather. “It is a shame to lose her and no longer see such a lovely face.”

But as all beauty eventually fades one day, so did the memory of the healer, who, you must understand, was not truly especially skilled at her craft, and indeed, had relied heavily on the skills of her not-so-pretty assistants whose stories the world did remember far beyond their time.

And so the bitter-hearted healer’s tale was forgotten, and when the time comes that a man in a cave tells this story of the beautiful empress’s ugly daughter to the Crown Princess Satsuki, not a soul remains who remembers the bitter-hearted healer at all.

[Shizaya] Happy Birthday Izaya~ ☆

—

Shizuo was the only one who showed up — with a bouquet of flowers nonetheless, handed to him with a ‘fufufu’ and conveniently just outside Izaya's apartment building; coincidentally as he arrived.

Wasn't she one of Kadota's gang? How did she even know that he'd be there, let alone when?

Whatever the answer, he was there and he was more or less happy that he came, even if the pest put up a façade and lived up to his stubbornness.

“My, aren't we romantic?” Sly yet less sinister, Izaya playfully poked at the sentiment.

“Shut up.”

“Now is that any way to talk to me on my birthday?”

Shizuo pulled shock onto his features — his sleeve up to reveal a watch, “is that what today is?”

“Would you have shown up if it were any other day?”

It was a good question; one he struggled to produce an answer that stood on its own without exceptions and conditions. The conundrum left him with a bit tongue and tied up concentration.

And in time Izaya simply shrugged, seemingly expectant of a let down and shifted his eyes from the other's avoidant to examine each flower as though they differed.

"It’s a pity.”

“Huh? What is?”

“If I got these from someone else they might have been prettier. From you, though, they're akin to something like dogweed.”

A furrow at his brow, a knot at his arms, Shizuo reacted to the diss of his illegitimate gift like it was his own, “yeah? Not like anyone else would get you flowers.”

“Technically, I don't think you did either. They're too intentionally picked for their meaning to be one-hundred percent your idea, more so ten and you were just the...courier? Messenger pigeon?”

Plastic crinkled as Izaya pointed his accusation — a swish and flick that he directed at Shizuo, a sprinkle of petals now upon his slippers.

“At any rate they're not from you.”

“Ya think?”

“Often, yes.”

“You know what I meant, brat.”

“Look at you... Softening your insults and nicknames. Never expected you to catch feelings so quick~.”

“Bastard,” he trailed off.

Izaya waited, for what Shizuo wasn't positive; perhaps it was in respect of him continuing onward to deny said feelings. Meanwhile the informant stared at a spot just below his chin, rather his neck, clavicle — some nebulous region that covered more area than his own splayed shirt collar did.

“..you actually learned how to tie the bowtie I got you.”

The comment was pensive, uncharacteristically candid, and Izaya shook his head to dismiss it.

“Actually that remains to be seen, considering it's undone. For all I know you go around town like a drunken groomsman.”

“I don't.”

“Could it be that Tom does it up for you every day? He always seemed snazzy enough to have useless fashion know-how.”

“He does.”

“How...intimate,” Izaya's voice dropped into a dark, territorial register.

“Shut your brain off, Iouse. I meant he knows how and taught me.”

“Hopefully not how to remove it firsthand as well.”

“What did I just say about your annoying imagination?!”

“I'm teasing.”

Clearly he wasn't.

“Whatever. Birthday or not, I'm not stickin’ around if you're in this kinda mood.”

Shizuo didn't remember being that far into the room, but his awkward walk to the exit extended longer than he would have liked. Heels dug rubber into the hardwood, a trail of thumps in his wake — a tense man left behind.

“Stay.”

Izaya wasn't timid — meek wasn’t his proclivity, it was only a card he played when the game necessitated it. All the same, Shizuo could tell his tonal edge was dulled. His vocal cords played the same notes yet were pulled with slack intensity; desperate, but only because the time it'd take for Shizuo to leave grew short.

And so he continued his hesitancy, “the flowers weren't enough.”

Shizuo’s agitation lost to a smile and looked over his shoulder to display it, “so what else do you want?”

“Get creative, Shizu-chan. It's not my duty to come up with something today.”

“How do you always have clever fuckin’ rebuttals?” He shook the style from his hair, removed his glasses — began to work at his shoelaces in a crouch. “I hate it.”

“Yes, well I hate that I have to come up with them.”

"Good. 'Least we agree on something.”

Izaya showered a mess of pollen over Shizuo with the aid of his brandished flowers.

“Maybe tonight we can agree on something more…hmm,” he paused, “positive? Fun?”

Shizuo took hold of the hand he was offered and allowed Izaya to pull him up close and personal.

“If you wish.”

“Ohoho, he's so easily swayed. Happy birthday to me for certain.”

“Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, Izaya.”

—

AN: I intend to have two more drabbles, shinzaya and izanamie related, buuut they might be late. >>;; Anyway. Cheesy shizaya for now. ('∇' ;)ゞ

20 Things I Learned Before Turning 20

Last August 29, I turned 20, bye teenage life huhuhu but adulting sounds exciting too. Hello, lovely people! These past few days I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing and started writing some sort of what I’ve learned for the past 19 years of my life before I turn 20. Being a teenager, it’s always there… and tbh there are a lot of ups and downs that the world will throw at us but it will definitely give us something in return. As I grew up, there are these thoughts that I’ve realized and things that I never imagined I can do. Lowkey who would have thought that this girl who cried on her first day of college, that girl who doesn’t know how to do a marketing plan and that awkward little girl would be someone she actually never envisioned she will be. Gawhd time flies so fast. And as I infiltrate another milestone of my life, here are the things I’ve learned throughout that roller coaster ride of being a teenager.

Face your fears. No one could ever face that except you. Go out of your nutshell, spread your wings and just be that person that is you. Let people love you for who you really are.

Family is always a blessing. I know I’m not the only one who ever dreamt of having a perfect family. There are these times that I wish to have a different mother and father even sisters. But at the end of the day, there’s no such thing as perfection, there is only love. And that love is the reason why I’m here. I have to accept the fact that my family is the greatest blessing God has given me for any reason. I know these people are the ones who never and will never leave me despite all my inconsistencies and all.

I am not special, I’m not the sun. Heard it from ate Hannah Ngohayon, a vlogger. I am not special. I guess by this age I must constantly remind myself that “the world doesn’t revolve around me” and I have to deal with it. People do have other priorities other than me, the same way I don’t towards them.

Don’t ever lose yourself by just trying to catch up to the world.  No matter how weird you are, you are beautiful, you are unique and it’s just a matter of appreciation. Of how you will turn your insecurities into something favorable to you. Don’t compare yourself to other people cos you don’t know their stories and they might as well don’t know your story. Lastly, 

We can lose friendships. And that’s okay. But a real friendship will end up still together even after a long time separation. Because the equivalent of friendship is misunderstandings but at the end of the day, real friends will choose friendship and forgiveness more than anything else. And real friends will never EVER turn their back on you despite all your irrationality, and those people are the people worth keeping for.

Don’t let others make fun of you. Because you don’t deserve that, girl. You deserve to be complimented in a nice way. Because swear, that’ll be the start of having doubts about yourself. Don’t ever let that happen to you.

Appreciate the little things. No matter how small it is, remember that other people might not have what you have and they deserve it even more than you. And yet you have it.

Say I Love You. cos it will definitely not kill you. Say Thank you. For everyone deserves to hear that, not because they did something for you but because their presence is… just enough.

I can do all things. Through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13. I suddenly remember what my high school teacher told us: “To see is to believe but to believe is to see”. I know I can do such things but doubts are always making its way to me and my goals. But to believe that God has it already planned for you then I guess you just have to believe that we all can do it.

It’s okay to cry. Because all of us is capable of being hurt. But you must always know how to see the light behind it just like what the cliché saying goes: “There’s always a rainbow after the rain”.

It’s okay to have fun and it’s okay to be happy. Because you deserve it too and as simple as that. But it doesn’t mean that you will only have fun when you’re with your friends or family. Happiness can also be found inside of you, you just have to let it go. And sometimes because of our over and rational thinking, we most likely to make more mistakes. So gotta make use of own guts sometimes as well.

Keep a journal. I’ve learned it from kuya Nate Punzalan, a vlogger also. Hello, hello, hello #PUNmily. That every people must have a journal, or most likely I should have a journal. We never know when we will get some kind of inspiration to write because inspirations can come from nowhere. And when we have it, we grab it, we write it.

Control your emotions. I recently watched Kita Kita. That part where Lea chose to just stare at her fiancé and her friend together rather than to confront them directly with a lot of people watching. I’ve realized that you don’t have to waste your time for those undeserving people because that will only take a lot of your energy that deserves more than that.

Think before you speak. And just what the old saying says: “Do not unto others what you do not want others to undo you”. So you have to think about the things you want to blabber out to people because as much as you do, they can be hurt in just a matter of snap.

Don’t live to impress people. You can’t even please all the people around you so girl, don’t bother impressing them for something you’re really not. You’ll just end up the victim of your own frame-up story.

Some people can’t give you what you expect them to do for you. One of the feeling that I hate the most is the feeling of disappointment. And by that I need to have something to control it, to alter it and that is to… just don’t expect too much from people. In that way, you’ll not just be helping yourself not to get hurt but at the same time, you can take things lightly as well.

Everything happens for a reason. a cliche. I always knew or more likely I want to always keep in mind that everything that is happening around me is something worth keeping because there will be a time that you’ll realize that… oh yeah, that thing is that thing I’ve been trying to know why and here is it, taaa daaa. There might be a lot of no answer from the Man up there, but hey, definitely He got more than good reasons why that is happening to us. Patience is just a key to it.

There is always someone better than you. When I was in high school, I felt like I’m a dominant above all my classmates because I kind of like “advance” to them like with the techs I have and the things that I’ve already experienced and things like that buuut but… when I turned college gawhd. I’ve come to realize that I am no better than other people. I’m just like them. I felt like I just came out of my mother’s womb again and I don’t know anything. I am completely blank, just like what I said in my intro, I got culture shock on the very first day of college. But that doesn’t mean that you’ll not work hard for anything you want. Victories are earned and not by just luck.

You are not alone. And if you ever feel that girl, kneel down and look above. We people are not meant to go about this life alone. We are not alone. There are social media… phone calls. Make use of it to contact relatives or even old friends. We need not to do everything all by ourselves and there are still people willing to help you. Go grab them, appreciate them.

God is everything. And it said it all.

Thank you, Lord! For more lovely and fruitful years!

 Photo from: xxx

✍ ⚠ ♨ for heather c, ☺ ☘ ❤ for siobhan, ☕ ☂ for trish, ⌚ ♿ ⚠ for madeline

for heather c ;

already did the handwriting one! so…

⚠ : How does your muse react to possibly dangerous situations? Do they face them head-on, or do they plan out their actions first?

heather is… used to not having much to be afraid of (even if that may not be the case now), and that paired with her temperament means she’s. well. not always good at fully recognizing how dangerous something might be (as someone may or may not have already pointed out to her,)

she’s headstrong at best and immediately and aggressively confrontational at worst, and she’s also not very good at… choosing her words carefully or backing down down from a situation even when she probably should. and being real a lot of her coping mechanisms are kind of deliberately borderline-endangering to begin with (which is oftentimes kind of standard for someone who’s been working through a neglectful situation).

long story short this all makes her particularly likely to get herself into trouble when it comes to a place like denny, especially when she’s so frequently on edge (hint: fear does not make her much less volatile than anger does)

♨ : Does your muse have good table manners? How do they feel about bad table manners? 

i don’t think heather goes out of her way to practice like, fucking pristine etiquette or anything, like she’s not living her life like she’s in the princess diaries, but i also feel like people with really bad table manners is probably one of her pet peeves. imagine having to eat with like… kurt and ram at any given time,

so yeah she’s pretty much just a typical teenage girl about it. she’s hardly overly fancy but she’s about as neat and meticulous as she is with everything else, and very quickly gets annoyed if someone is too Rowdy in comparison.  too bad she missed weekly beacon heights dinners with judar and hakuryuu,

for siobhan ;

☺ : What is your muse’s smile like? Do they smile often? 

siobhan pulls off a more masterful ‘fake-polite business smile’ than most people on denny would probably believe, given her history at catco and how intent she once was on moving up through the ranks there. buuut these days you’re much more likely to catch one of her trademark smirks – oftentimes biting and meant to instigate, sometimes (with people she tolerates better) just amused, but always relatively detached from true sincerity.

an actual, genuine smile from her is much more rare (i feel like probably only stardust is successful in occasionally pulling them out of her, and that’s very occasionally), and surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly, if you really know her) kind of clumsy. she has a pretty smile, if also a very contained one, but with how obviously unused to it she is it tends to be more endearing than anything.

☘ : Does your muse believe in luck? How about fate?

well she’s irish, so,

nah but yeah, siobhan was raised on a lot of little luck-based superstitions, though more at the hands of her aunt and grandmother than her parents themselves. they’re not the sort of things she ever took particularly seriously, once she grew out of them, although…

…well, now that she’s the victim of an actual ancient banshee curse, she tends to give things like that a little more weight. you can never be too careful!

though i think she’s definitely less inclined to believe in any concept of ‘fate’ because that’s dumb and corny, though at least then she would have something to blame for all the shit that tends to happen to her.

❤ : What are your muse’s thoughts on love? If they are not in a relationship, do they believe that they will ever find a perfect someone for them?

hmmmmmmm Bad.

siobhan is unmistakably kind of bitter when it comes to this particular thing. platonic love his hard enough for her to grapple with (or, you know, acknowledge the existence of at all) and romantic love is. well.

she’s been on denny for over a year so she’s not so much hung up on winn anymore but it still kind of… stings to think about, sometimes.she has a hard time believing that people care about her in general , so the fact that she almost did with him and then felt she was betrayed is in many ways a. difficult thing to recover from. so the idea of pursuing someone romantically makes her kind of defensive and scornful, and given that time’s been running out for her for awhile now, it’s not really something she’s thought about to begin with.

i can’t wait for her to marry rocket!

for trish ;

☕ : Does your muse prefer coffee or tea?

either or both, really! she has more of a preference for tea if pressed to pick and usually stocks her apartment with several different varieties at any given time, but she’s hardly opposed to stopping at a good cafe for some coffee.  most days as long as she gets some caffeine in her… that’s what matters in the end. she’s one of those people who is not particularly pleasant if she’s deprived of caffeine in the mornings.

☂  : Does your muse like rain?

to be specific, she likes the feeling of being inside and warm on like… a cool, fall rainy day. she likes the sound of thunder, and rain against window panes, and the warmth of firelight against a grey cloudy sky outside. but actually being caught outside in the rain is, no, not ideal.

i mean… there’s a part of her that wants to revel in things like that just a little, but it’s difficult for her to indulge it. there’s a lot of ways growing up in the industry will mess you up as a kid, even under the best of circumstances, so (often times in spite of herself) she retains habits like constantly watching what she eats, how she looks, whether or not her hair and make up are ruined by a sudden new york city downpour… you get the idea.

madeline ;

⌚ : Is your muse good with keeping on schedule for meetings, appointments, or events, or are they always late? Or, are they always a bit early?

as a mother of two children who’s also working a parttime job, madeline is… terrifyingly good at scheduling things and making and keeping appointments. even when she has to juggle several of them in a week, she has like, a photographic memory for what times things start and she is always a few minutes early (with the exception of when she wants to make a point of making a dramatic entrance, of course!).

you can generally count on her to get where she needs to be, or to get you where you need to be, on time. also she will willingly handle all phone calls and appointment making for denny kids with phone anxiety if asked so she is, personally, my dream mom,

♿ : Has your muse had any injuries in the past?

honestly she was something of a tomboy growing up, so back then she was used to having scrapes and bruises and sprains and what have you. she spent a lot of time outside. she was into sports (particularly like… fucking tennis or something, i forget what the book mentioned specifically).

more recently there was the infamous ankle injury that she sustained yelling at a bunch of teenagers in the middle of the street (as you do), which funnily enough is the whole reason she became friends with jane. looking back, she’s pretty grateful for that one (though some people from town will claim that it’s the whole reason everything spiraled into disaster and i guess… technically… they’re not wrong?)

when she came to denny she was a little banged up from a pretty dire recent encounter, but she’s had time to heal since then. most of the time madeline is pretty stoic about her injuries. she might occasionally boast about them, but she rarely complains.

⚠ : How does your muse react to possibly dangerous situations? Do they face them head-on, or do they plan out their actions first?

for all of madeline’s tendencies to immediately be confrontational and be unafraid of starting discourse, she’s not used to very serious, life-threatening danger. so you’d think that would mean that suddenly coming up against it would quell her… readiness a little, but…

well, you never really know how you’re going to react to those situations until you’re in them, and suffice to say that madeline now knows. her immediate reaction when [vague spoilers] perry fucking lost it was to leap in and try to defend her friends against someone a lot more physically powerful, in spite of knowing exactly what he was capable of by that point. it wasn’t something she thought about, it was just something she did – and would do again. when it comes down to dire circumstances, the odd don’t really matter to her, if someone she cares about is at stake. she’s a real mama bear.

all of that being said, though, in more mundane Discourse Situations she can be a very meticulous and sometimes terrifyingly thorough planner. someone please stop her

WIS Florians, Dubois, & Tritons with

Fun, fun, fun! Okay, let’s give this a go. See if I’ve got match-making material.

Florians:

@kinglyben: I actually think he and @malfaeryx make a ton of sense! After all, he’s our king and she’s, like, the unofficial princess of the Isle - it’s a smart move in uniting our worlds and they seem really happy together; plus, if she’s with him, she’ll probably never go evil, which is good considering she probably has dragon-powers and that would be terrifying. But if it ever didn’t work out with Mal for whatever reason, I think I would pair him with one of the following: (A) a royal from Auradon who knows how to play the political game and can take some of that stress off his chest - I used to ship him and @eveningstardubois for this very reason, or may as I be so bold as to suggest myself or (B) another Isle girl who’s poised and beautiful and has a big heart and exemplifies how good someone from there can be so even the oldest of old stuffy people here in Auradon are forced to admit that they’re a-okay - my nomination is @dizzy-t, because really, who wouldn’t love her as their queen?

@chloeoftheball: Chloe is super sweet and pretty and smart, so I’m selfish and ship her with my brother tbh. Chad could definitely use a girl like Chloe around, and how cute do their names sound together? Chad and Chloe, Chloe and Chad. But if she doesn’t want to marry into my family, which is ridic because who wouldn’t, there are some other guys she’d be just as adorbs with. @ticktockbents or @lucasbelrose would be a good place to start - who doesn’t think that childhood friends growing up to fall in love is an adorable love story, right? Or, oooh, that @heathlemon might not be a bad fit for her either! He’s another nerdy-but-hot type and I’m not saying a couple has to have everything in common but it helps! And they’re smart in different fields, one in science and one in literature, so it’s kind of like opposites attract, right? I’m onto something here, I can feel it in my fingertips!

@lenflorian: Ugh, I love Len so much! My fellow young blondie and royal gorgeousness deserves someone way awesome. I can’t quite picture her with any of the castle boys she grew up with, though; she needs someone outside of the box. Maybe @maggienottingham? That girl is fierce and interesting and knows how to act like a royal, which is tres important when it comes to marrying into the royal family. Buuut I guess @berniewijanto could fit this role too, if he wanted. He’s so so weird but it’s in a really fun way and Len deserves all the fun in the world. I just wonder whether or not he’d look as good in a crown as Maggie would. One way to find out! Oh, oh, or @gastonlegume3! Since he’s the non-taken Gaston and also kind of seems like the nicer one? He and Len would look so so good together! And I could kind of see them getting along, actually.

Dubois:

@liamdubcis: I am officially writing too much about all of them, ugh, I need to chill out, but it’s hard! Especially when it comes to people with multiple options like Liam. I think if I had to pick just one for him it would be my cousin @ava-tremaine. I’m all for all of my little Tremaines ending up on some throne because let’s face it, they’re all regal and gorgeous as heck. Ava keeps it real and she’s hilarious and gorgeous and she and Liam could be interesting together but I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that he and @faciliersfreddie would make way too gorgeous of a couple. Plus they’ve got that star-crossed angle working for them, they’re musically gifted, and can we talk about their faces?! Good Lord, if they had a baby, it would be automatically the most beautiful baby in the world. Maybe we shouldn’t ship them because of that, because of the unfair gorgeousness that is their faces side by side, but I’m a sucker for beauty!

@eveningstardubois: She and @kinglyben were so what I expected but I guess it’s been long enough that we can officially call them friendzoned, sigh. Since she’s proven to like Gamma Chi boys, what about @emmettvardaros? He’s single now and proven to be a good boyfriend, which is what Miss Evangeline needs. Plus he’s kind of got an Auradon’s Most Eligible Bachelor thing going on about him, and sorority and fraternity presidents ending up together? Wouldn’t it be so romantic?! And imagine the mixers that would be born from it. If that doesn’t tickle your tastebuds though, maybe her and @happyevieafter could make it work! Let’s do the math - they’re both gorgeous, both close to the crown, both good at seeming royal, and Evie could make sure Evangeline was always the best dressed at any event. I mean, Lina did throw Evie a ball last year, hello?! And it’d be the easiest thing ever for them to double date with Ben and Mal, oh gosh, I’m convincing myself!

@jimdubs: I used to ship @abigailtremaine with Liam when it came to the Dubois brothers, but upon further reflection, I think Jimmy might be more her speed. And that’s assuming she doesn’t stay with her fittie of a boyfriend, but hey, weirder things have happened! Jimmy is hot and funny and has a voice like melting butter and my cousin has proven to like at least two of those things. If Jimmy and Abby don’t work for you though, I would also be down for him and @lexi-la-bouff. I know everyone expects him and @maddielabouff and trust me, I love the girl - she’s a great riding partner - but it’s sooooo cliche at this point and his little Valentine’s Day video? It was more amusing than it was heart-warming; maybe that’s because everyone’s pairing him with the wrong La Bouff! And Lexi is sweet and adorable and who knows what could possibly happen?! 

Tritons:

Melody: Okay, there are more Tritons than any other royal family so I’m going to try really REALLY hard to limit my rambling. I like Melody and @parkerspan, I always have. And didn’t Parker’s dad have a thing for the Neverland mermaids? Maybe it’ll be like father, like son. 

@harmonytriton: She and @zoetomago have the robo-girl thing going for them both and they’d look presh together, but idk if I want to pair her up with someone who could help her build something scary. Maybe I’ll say @regdubois. He seems her speed.

@toritriton: Why did she and @viperbubbles break up again? Does anyone know? Because I sure don’t and I can remember a time where I thought they were the cutest thing with four legs soooooo……. If you’re forcing me to pick another option, I like her and @frankiefearless too.

@olivia-triton: I like her and @dylan-donati! I think they’d be really compatible and Dylan seems like the kind of guy who’d treat a girl right, you know? Plus he can cook! Oh, or her and @briannakluck! I think they would look so so pretty together.

@andreatriton: I know, I know, @marykatehood is taken and also they swear they’re platonic, but does anyone else see a spark? I also think she and @whereswaldohatter would be fun buuut that’s just me probably. I can also see her handling someone as kick-butt as @warriorprincessli.

@littlejoanna: JoJo! She’s so presh and I adore her which means I know she needs a beach bum if they’re going to make the distance. I’ll say a Kawena, tbh - @hokukawena maybe, how cute would that be? But also she and @racheladale would probably have fun every day soooooo idk! Oh, or @hasira-mwitu! Running on the beach together would be so hot!

I NEED ENTERTAINMENT!

Tagged x2

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag 10 other people.

Re-tagged by @magnificent-winged-beast thank you :D

1. Which are the most influential books over your lifetime? Der Irrläufer (o.t. Villskudd) by Gudmund Vindland was the first queer book I ever read and I still love it to death to this day. The God Delusion had a lot of influence on me when I was younger and taught me that I'm not automatically a bad person just because I don't believe in (a) God.

2. What your patronus will look like? Probably a cat, because I grew up with cats and am so very much like them. Or a rat, I love those little buggers so damn much.

3. Where do you think you will go when you die? I have no idea. Being an atheist I don't really believe in Heaven or Hell, but I kind of hope there actually is a “better place” after death. I can't believe that there is just nothing. I do believe in a sort of reincarnation though.

4. How many times did you watch Supernatural entire series from the beginning to the last season? I think I'm on my fourth complete rewatch now...

5. Where is your Happy place? Supernatural and Destiel at the moment, actually. Just imagining how happy Dean and Cas would be together...

6. If it were possible, would you like for your consciousness be transfered in to an android after you die? Hell yes. A body without pain? Sign me up!

7. Do you believe in our Hot Over Lord Misha Collins? Of course I do! Our buff Overlord will rule the world! (with kindness)

8. Do you prefer a Human!Cas or you wish Cas to keep his Grace and everything that makes him an angel when he comes back? Confession: I don't like Human!Cas. I realize it's probably headed that way, but I just... don't. I want Cas to be at full power again, with wings. I miss him popping in on the boys and startling them, I miss Dean praying to him. The thought of an angel falling in love with a human, experiencing all these emotions despite being “dulled” by his grace, in my personal opinion that's more beautiful than an angel choosing to become human to feel all that.

9. Which song do you think could perfectly fit for the first kiss on screen of Dean and Cas? Ah geez, I don't know. I only listen to one band at the moment and it's not classic rock. Buuut keeping in mind that beautiful video we got recently, why not Nothing Else Matters? :D

10. Tell me about a recurrent dream that makes you happy. Not that happy, but my recurring dream of re-visiting my childhood home is always nice. Other than that, I barely ever remember my dreams. Re-tagged by @starsinursa thank you, too <3

1. What song would you choose as the theme-song for your life? Not to be “emo” or anything, but Numb by Linkin Park would be the best fit.

2. What’s an embarrassing story about you as a child? When I was about fourteen I was at my grandma's. It was summer, she gave me a drink with ice cubes. As you do, at least I did, I swallowed the ice cubes. Or tried to. One was to big, it got stuck in my throat. I couldn't breathe, panicked and ran to my grandma, who was in the kitchen. Just as I got there, the ice cube had melted enough for me to swallow it finally. To this day she hasn't given me anything with ice cubes... (Also at my grandma's, when I was four, I bit into the glass I was drinking out of. Hard. It broke. I bled and still have a light scar on my lip. My mom still won't give small children a glass to drink out of...)

3. What’s a hobby or skill that you want to learn? I've always wanted to learn how to speedrun a game. But I'm too much of a noob and my coordination sucks. 4. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? Does kangaroo count as weird? It's delicious. (sorry!) Other than that, I don't know. I will try almost everything once. I ate a lot of stuff just to weird my ex-boyfriend out... Salami and Nutella sandwich definitely counts, right? It was good, actually.

5. If you could pick your age, what age would you want to stay forever? 23! Nice age, prime number and magic number.

6. What’s your least favorite household chore? Laundry. Ugh.

7. Have you ever been told you look like someone famous, and if so, who? My best friend from school once said I looked like Bam Margera... (remember when Bam Margera was cool? Good times. I feel old...)

8. If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be? “That weird kid that never grew up” or something like that xD

9. What’s the meaning of your name? My real first name? Writer Jonathan Swift made it up for his secret mistress. Really.

10. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? How beautiful and deep my eyes are. I never forgot about that one even though it's been over ten years.

Not going to tag anyone this time, but feel free to answer these questions if you want:

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? 2. Favorite Supernatural season and why? 3. Coke or Pepsi? 4. What is your preferred sleeping position? 5. Have you ever been in the woods at night? 6. Favorite role of Misha in Supernatural and why? 7.  What does your dream home look like? 8. What was/is your favorite class in school? 9.  Do you have any superstitions? 10. Misha's orange underwear or Jensen's underbear?

[Shinra & Shizuo] Inebriated Idiocy

     The situation required contemplation of certain moral ramifications, as brief as that consideration might last.

On one hand, alcohol was said to be the window to someone’s truest thoughts; bring about their most genuine feelings and unconscious desires. On the other hand, Shinra was an intellectual that keenly understood the human psyche; he knew better than to believe societal nonsense. In actuality, alcohol only lowered someone’s inhibitions enough to vocalise thoughts exactly as they formed; this included, but wasn’t exclusive to situational opinions, primal reactions to anything remotely sexual, and sober observations that hadn’t been sussed out.

So honestly, Shizuo letting himself into Shinra’s apartment with an odd request might have coincidentally been his own influence, the other day asking for blood and marrow samples in jest, yet again. Which the tease seemed to continue its bumble ‘round his friend’s absent mind.

    Not having much going on up there must explain why it’s still relevant.

His drunken stupour was no different than a conclusion from a simple dream; what was sorted alongside other curious tidbits gained while conscious, and that scientific proposal hadn’t been determined trash or data just yet, despite it being the same ol’ same old.

That being said…

    “What other opportunity would I have short of drugging him myself?” Shinra hummed; gathered vials and tools, bounced through his preparation. “Morally speaking it checks out if I didn’t administer the drug. After all, he came to me pre-doped! Haha." 

He glanced over at Shizuo who somehow managed a cool guy pose upon the examination table, simultaneously a blathering mess — slurring incomprehensible words and half-baked thoughts. All to which seemed on par with what Shinra normally mocked, so it assured that no bad karma, nor bad blood would arise.

    ”…it was the least I could do,“ Shizuo concluded what had been internal dialogue.

    Shinra focused on his assembly, "hmm~? I didn’t catch what you did." 

    "Drink.”

    “Then that wasn’t the least you could do, right? That would’ve been not drinking, since doing nothing is the less than something active.”

    Shizuo looked annoyed. “Meant I didn’t drink randomly, asshole. I did it ‘cause…” he spaced, pinched his nose. “…ugh, there’s a reason. Just…whatever.”

    “That’s fine, Shizuo. Your oldest friend doesn’t need an excuse for your impromptu visit. Especially since you’re granting me the honour of—”

    “Tom!” A heavy hand slammed on the table.

Shinra jumped — juggled a device, caught it by the tubular tail before it hit the floor.

    “E-ehh?” his pulse refused to steady.

    “Tom’s birthday. We went for drinks. 'Parently Vorona’s a heavyweight.”

    Shinra laughed, kind of embarrassed for his friend. “I don’t think that’s actually the term you’re going for…" 

    "She cheated.”

    “How so?”

    “She’s Russian.”

    “You’re honestly the type to play into stereotypes, Shizuo?”

    He groaned, “she shoved vodka on me. 'Don’t handle it well.”

    Of course, it’s some oddball connection, nothing offensive.

    “And she knew that?”

    “No.”

    “So it was more that you couldn’t handle the defeat!”

    The drunk grunted. “Ya wanna die?”

    Shinra waved in mercy, “no no! Let’s just move on!!”

     Though the more Shizuo spouted trash fragments, the more difficult it was for Shinra to sway his conscience that this was alright, as maybe the blood alcohol level was higher than he’d anticipated.

Every step of drawing blood was a joke to Shizuo. He laughed while his sleeve was rolled up, mocked the concentration Shinra wore while he struggled to stick the needle in; knocked the doctor’s glasses askew like a young brat that thought himself a slapstick comedian. 

    Unamused, Shinra adjusted his frames with a latex-free wrist. “Please stop.” 

    “I kinda felt bad. Told ‘im thirty was just a number,” he disrupted the blood-pull with a messy gesture.

    “Shizuo, why are you so animated?!”

    “He said he was twenty-seven! Whoops.” 

    “Yeah, you’re an idiot, we get it,” Shinra paused between a third attempt.     “Probably, haha.”

It was then that he noticed how flush his patient was; how boyish his crinkled features were, and how Shizuo’s jovial nature was too foreign to be anything but drunkenness. Blurredly he watched the other above half-mast lenses, but a thought with prescription clarity hit him in result of the study — the vision of a perturbed Celty demanding that her held out PDA be read.

    //It’s taking advantage of Shizuo!//     //!!! N-n-not in that way, p-pervert!//

It wasn’t actually Celty’s textual wisdom, but his own beratement spoken through her beautiful voice, that of course he’d long ago created for her in place of having none to speak with. It was a flurried dissuasion he wouldn’t follow without her image affixed, whether in physical or mental form.

Thus Shinra was defeated by his own imagination. 

    “Come on,” he sighed, “I’ll set you up on the couch for the night." 

    “Oh…uh, sure.”

Shizuo stumbled off the table and stabilised when a hand supported his back to send him along the path to the living room. As Shinra motioned his follow, he spotted a rolled bandage that he’d previously readied. 

His decade awaited experiment may have been a bust, but he had an idea that might give him a chuckle the next morning.

—

    The recovering drunk studied a cross at the crook of his elbow. It screamed at his memory bank in vibrant fuchsia; with consternation Shizuo recognised the bandage as he recalled swaths of highschool peers wore them after donating blood; an annual fashion accessory that Shizuo never got to sport — only ever able to bling the trash cans with broken needles.

That indicated only one thing in the present: he’d been pin-pricked by an advantageous prick, and he was hardly impressed with how Shinra tagged him without any recollection.

    "Oh! You’re up earlier than I thought you’d be,” the devil spoke at the doorway, audaciously donned his goofy grin, with a coffee mug in hand.

    “Shinra…” he growled, “wanna explain this?”

    “I’m curious to hear what you think it means! I wouldn’t be shocked if you’re either right or wrong.”

The silence grew stronger, Shizuo’s annoyance grew palpable, and for a split moment Shinra mused over the spontaneous prank.

    Perhaps I got tipsy off the atmosphere last night and made my own drunken regret…

Which he externalised as a solo ‘eep!’, a wild scramble upon slippery slipper footing; an aerial trail of coffee in his wake. 

To the carpet’s relief, the liquid was suspended mere inches above it, encapsulated in shadow. With luck, Celty formed it within a second’s notice as she was hastily passed by two scuttling idiots.

    “I’m innocent! Innocent, I swear!”

    “Like hell ya are!”

Celty puffed out air too exhausted for the early hours. 

    At least it’s spilt coffee and not blood spill.

—

    It took a few laps around the apartment for the duo to wind up on opposite couches in a truce. Celty, their moderator, sat close at Shinra’s side to prevent a young death.

    “You see, Shizuo, as you claimed you were in full control of your faculties, so I kindly decided to fulfill your request.” Shinra rubbed at a wallop injury at his crown. “which seemed a fair assumption since you weren’t acting any less intelligible than usual." 

He was forced to squint while Celty futzed with the bent plastic and metal of his glasses. 

    “Lucky you, I’m perceptive enough to notice little details which proved that you were, in fact, inebriated. I stopped before I collected any samples.”

Whether or not Shizuo’s grunt was an invitation for the rest of the schpeel, or if it was an indignant ‘fuck off’ made no difference.     “Feel free to leave a tip for my better judgement. I know it’s not customary for doctor visits, but I’m never too humble to decline monetary praise.”

A shadow placed glasses back on his nose, but he immediately let them slip back down when a glare across the table was in clear view. The hangover effect must of have worked mental lapses between Shizuo’s comprehension of insults, thus he remained in a slump with exhausted shadows below his cold eyes.

    "Yanno, that better be the treatment you give Celty, or so help me…”

    “A-ah, she can’t get inebriated in the first place, or drink for that matter—”

    “So you’d take advantage of her if she could??”

    “No, no! Never! If anything I want her to reveal her own desires to have me sweep her into fits of romance…” he darted his eyes from Shizuo’s disgust.

    ”…buuut I better let that topic be laid to rest.“

—

    "Honestly…I almost wish he’d just done it.”

    //Really?//

    Shizuo nodded in between takes of smoke, “maybe it’s about time I figure out what makes me…me. You know, so I can control myself better…or something.”

    //That’s a noble thing to do, Shizuo…//

He shook his head, wasted half of his cigarette when he extinguished it on the deck railing before he brushed ash into his hand.

    //Maybe do it when you’re sober, though. That way you can feel good about the decision to better yourself and not have it be a drunken decision you accept.//

    “You know,” he smiled, “I like that.”

It wasn’t odd that he agreed with Celty, it was that he wanted his abnormality to be experimented on by his dysfunctional friend; that he was finally ready to face the facts and learn how to work with his condition. Despite that realisation, it was best to ask Shinra with sobriety.

    “Might make him pony up the cash for my blood, though. It’s a hot commodity, right?”

Celty chuckled with a bob of her shoulders.

—

    “And that’s why I always trust my doctor’s instincts over Shizuo. In this case, causality didn’t result in my casualty and I can rest in peace standing six-feet above ground and not under it! Hmm…I should pay respects at the nearest shrine for good measure.

    “At anyrate, I’ll take advantage of the opportunity to showcase Celty’s handiwork of my repaired glasses, a token of her dedication and love for all to appreciate! Even if they’re imperfect, they’re perfect to me. So let’s think of this as a public service announcement, kids: don’t drink and make hasty decisions!”

—

AN: Shinra breaking the fourth wall is one of my favourite things; it’s delightful. (O´▽`o)~♡

Based on one of the headcanons I wrote for Shizuo in a character meme, except it’s a little goofier than when I wrote the HC. Probably because I made it primarily from Shinra’s perspective. \(=~=)/ Thank you, @monopsys for the inspiration to actually write this!

Survey #175

“imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls.”

Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen your ex’s new partner? If so, what do you think of them? I don't know or care if he currently has one. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Done it twice now, it's not difficult if you're picky and serious with who you date. Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? Well my mom was somewhat aware of things that were happening. What was the last piece of candy you ate? Good question. I got my tongue re-pierced because of a bar length issue with swelling, and now this one is just shy of long enough to disable me from biting down entirely (they're snake eyes, so across the tip). I'm only just getting back into eating soft things very slowly unless I want pain, so candy's a no. I have to wait no less than three weeks to get a correctly-sized bar, and it's only been just over one aaaahhh. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. Is your room painted or wallpapered? Painted. What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? I'm an American I stan them meat lovers. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? No. Well actually idk, I still don't know for *sure* if I forgive him. Like I'm completely over it and it no longer affects me, but I could never ever ever ever look at him even remotely the same or even consider trusting him. I don't think that's supposed to happen when you forgive someone. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who has a homosexual parent? No. What type of music could this world live without? Pure screamo (no, not as a carpet term for metal). Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Who’s the last person you cried over? Does myself count? Did the house you grew up in have a fence? Yeah, but not all around. What’s your YouTube channel name? 0zzkat. Who of your FB friends has the cutest toddler(s)? Uhhhh idk. Anastasia's baby girl is pretty cute, I guess. Did you decorate pumpkins this year? No. :/ They were totally gone the day we were gonna get one (the day before Halloween so no, we weren't that surprised lmao). What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? More like what color WOULDN'T I dye it? What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again? Shadow of the Colossus. I've beaten it around 30 times. Would be more if I didn't lose the disc, buuut it's actually coming in the mail now! What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Don't show me that fucking Linkin Park "crawling in my crawl" worm video. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name? None come to mind. What’s your dearest souvenir? *shrugs* What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably coffee bc of Mom. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? If so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? Long instance + same-sex simultaneously. Distance is fucking hard when you really want each other's company, especially for emotional support. Being same-sex makes me nervous due to potential violent homophobics, especiiiiaaaally living where I do. I do it regardless, but even just holding hands leaves me worrying some asshole is going to cause a problem. I know my sister's husband isn't at all fond of it either and I'm 99% sure he's why Sara's never met the kids. But anyway, all those things are absolutely worth it. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? Absolutely not, because I strictly believe in the exclusiveness of love. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? Colleen, probably. We are just about the antitheses of each other, yet we were "best friends." We disagreed too frequently, she was drama-ravenous, we kept leaving and coming back, etc. No, we don't talk now, and I refuse to ever do so again as friends. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? No. I absolutely do not believe in "making amends" with your abuser. Keep them the fuck out of your life. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? Toxic... you mean Colleen? Did it too many times, and no, she didn't. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at? Part of me says no, another says yes. I guess it depends on the subject. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing? Being socially awkward as all hell, and yes. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? I was playing Spyro just earlier today lmao. In almost all cases, no. I do believe that something like a full-grown adult playing pretend with dolls or something may be questionable, but even then there's not a real reason I can give you. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? Something PTSD-related, but I can't remember exactly what it was, I guess because I got past it pretty quickly. There are certain songs I should avoid, I canNOT look at the medicine I ODed on, I don't like seeing or being near large knives at all... If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? All of them, yeah. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? I feel that too many people working in the field care far more about the pay than the people. I can't guarantee a professional truly cared about what I was dealing with until Holly Hill. I've had one particularly horrible psychiatrist that threw diagnoses and pills around like they were nothing (the most ridiculous being ADHD, which I in no way exhibited), and a long-time therapist I had was pretty bad, something I realized only after I started with my current one. She was strict about that "you've got an hour, you're staying an hour, you're leaving no later" shit, and we always ran out of things to talk about so I'd just be sitting there super uncomfortably and numerous times start crying because I felt so awkward, and she'd just take it as a sign that I wasn't telling her something. She drove "and how does that make you feel" and "what're you thinking of" into the goddamn ground. Yeesh, having been a mental health patient for so long, I could really write a novel here. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else? Hm, idk. I'm so uninvolved with others that that's a hard question to answer. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? HAVING THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR PANTS GET WET. I hate chapped lips, too. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Are you ticklish? YEAH. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? No. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? I wouldn’t. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Only hot tubs. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's hard lemonade. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Idk, I was a baby. What was your first detention for? Too many tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever been on radio? No. How long has your longest ever phone call been? A few hours. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Ummm I guess some kind of chicken is common? When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? Idk. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Uhhhh how am I blanking, I change my mind on things every five minutes. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Sara's both my girlfriend but also the only "friend" I ever hang with now even tho we live several states apart lmao. I was there two weeks, so we did an array of stuff. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Hell, I barely ever remember my dreams. Jason still shows up maybe ehhhh around or maybe less than once a month, and I have no clue why other than maybe there's some PTSD effects I don't actually detect or something? It's not like I think about him much, so I really don't see why he shows up, but the theme is constant: awkwardness seeing each other again, and he sometimes tries to get back with me (thank FUCKING GOD even in my dreams, I don't). Sara's in some dreams that I remember. Mom, maybe. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? Nothing. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? I'll usually turn to YouTube for a distraction. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Mom. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Probably Bite Me by idr-who. I actually don't remember. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Another sensor came off the keyboard. :') I dunno about fixed. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Butterflies and semicolons. Hence my semicolon butterfly tattoo. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? Yeah. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. What is something unusual that you find attractive? why does?????? everyone hate fedoras tbh?????????? What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? BOY this varies so much like fuck. Sometimes I don't eat breakfast at all, sometimes I do right when I get outta bed. Dinner can be at like almost 10:00 with Mom's schedule, or I may have it like five hours earlier. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I'm getting into a horror LPer and I'm binging her Silent Hill playthroughs. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I like pink but bloody guts and brains are cool 2. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? N/A What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video/computer games. Have you ever been close to drowning? No. Do you watch any Japanese anime? Not currently, but I've kinda had the urge to pick an interesting one up? Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? Mom and Sara above anyone else. Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? Uhhhhh good question. I don't exactly go to new places often. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? I don't believe so off the top of my head? Then again I think everyone has little bad habits they don't try to improve upon, but I can't think of anything serious. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? I'm sure something with Mom, but idk what. Are you good at committing to things like Nanowrimo or Inktober? Nope. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing. Or drawing if I'm in the mood. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? I tried to reach the suicide hotline via their online one-on-one chatroom because I was too afraid to actually call, but I ended up waiting I think 45 minutes before the OD happened. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? I drove at night and ordered food at a drive-thru myself. It went well. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I have a strong sense of right and wrong. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? Depression as a whole. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Social life, success, and motivation to name a few. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? Sure. Mental health stuff flares up sometimes if I think about some things too deeply. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? Getting rid of Bentley, and neither, really. Mom knows we shouldn't have him for a world of reasons, yet she refuses to try to find a far more suitable home for him or at least talk to Nicole about it (he's her dog, but she doesn't live here), who's never even paid him almost any attention. I could rant about this for hours. What is something you wish was different about your family? THAT WE WERE CLOSER. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Getting out of the house/becoming more of a functioning adult. Are you more dramatic or stoic? I'm neither extreme, really, but I'd say I'm much further from stoic. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? A lot, but the only ones I feel don't work are the ones for my tremors and knees. I was on one med for a while that I was scared to take because it made me vomit (safe to say I wasn't on it long), and even my life-saver med made me sick at first, but I took prescription nausea pills to ride that out as my body adjusted. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Short, but not too short. When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents? Idr. Do you tend to eat the same few things all the time or do you vary your intake? Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? Are there any commonly enjoyed foods that you don’t like? I'm picky and definitely have a limited palate. Some foods I can think of for the last question include fried chicken, BBQ, watermelon, tacos, all cheeses but American, aaaand I'm blanking again in an area I should have a book about. Do you have good body image? Do you feel more confident about your body or your personality? What is one thing about yourself about which you do feel particularly confident? Ha, as if, so personality. I like how open-minded I am. How likely are you to compliment other people? How do you react or respond when you receive a compliment? What are your favorite types to receive? It depends on the person, the atmosphere, and my anxiety level. I sometimes fear complimenting people because I don't want someone to be like "um why is she talking to me?"/"is she flirting with me?"/"why did she notice that?", etc. I become so giddy (at the very least internally) when people compliment me because of how my self-esteem is, and I really appreciate them. The compliments that mean most to me are regarding my photography. With how badly I want to be a successful photographer, people seeming to genuinely like what I do has actually made me smile like an idiot and giggle publicly. It just means a lot to me. Describe the last thing you reblogged? How many posts do you tend to reblog during a day? A clip of Mark having a fit over a dog in RDR2. How much I reblog varies greatly; depends on how much I get on Tumblr that day, what I feel like sharing at that moment, what I queue... Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? Depends. If it's Sara, I usually do. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? Vegetable. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It is pierced. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? I don't recall. Did you ever have a favorite teacher in high school? What made them your favorite? Coach Collie. He was very friendly, wise, his sense of humor was great, he cared deeply for his students, was super chill, shared life advice all the time, etc. etc. Can you think of a time when you were really obviously judged by your appearance? What happened? Not that I recall. What’s something your mother told you growing up that you actually listened to? Mind your manners. What are three emotions you experience regularly? Stress, content, but also discontent. What is your favorite Halloween candy? Reese's. Is there anyone who refuses to communicate with you? *shrugs* What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something for vocational rehab. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have a job or drive. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? When I found out one of my closest high school friends is pregnant. I was obviously happy for her. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? Anger; envy (but it's not often). Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? Plenty times, but it depends on my level of shits given and the location. Honestly wish pjs were more acceptable in public places cuz like why not, you've got clothes on, just don't go around where everyone can totally see your dick, ass, or tits. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? My phone. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? LOTS!!!! I particularly love fantasy-styled portraiture or macabre work, and omg give me soft lighting. I'm a sucker for emotive or conceptual portraits and the like. I like to photograph an array of things, but my faves are nature and animals. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Nope. Busiest shopping day I indirectly experienced was when I worked at GameStop during the holiday season... nope. It's a small store and it was flooded. I hated it. Idk about one where I/my family was the shopper. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? No. No. No. NO. I can't stomach going any further back than '15 at the RP forum because fucking cringe. All old stuff like physical journals and such, they're long gone because I never want to see them again lmao. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Hmmm, probably video games were the first things I was *really* deep into. Recently developed... good question. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc? I'M FUCKING /CRANKY/ IF I'M HOT. Serious lack of sleep makes me moodier. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? Work and independence. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? HEAT. If it's hot to me, you're gonna know. I'll complain if my stomach especially hurts, sometimes with other pain. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? I don't cook, so. But I'd definitely be the latter. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? I hung up on this insurance agency or whatever they are that call me every other goddamn day. I dunno about the second question. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? I fucking dare you to ridicule the mentally ill in front of me. Goddamn dare you. For the second part, not to my recollection. Do you have a large dog? No, both our dogs are medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is the reason you last received money? Mom borrowed some from me so she was paying me back. Is anyone in your family sick? Not to my knowledge. Are you very upfront about things or do you "beat around the bush"? The latter, typically. Do you ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Not really anymore. Middle and high school? I was all about it. I wrote only one poem this year. How many bones have you broken? None. Whose house did you visit last? My sister Ashley's. Have you ever bought a fragrance by a celeb because you liked who it was? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia.