#god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama.
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So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.
Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so
I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.
#and then I post this for what? attention?#I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty#like… you can’t just leave me alone?#you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life?#I don’t care about your puss!#I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person#we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them#god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama.#and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut…#they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages.#probably twitter but who knows maybe here too#this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this?#and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too#and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back#it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally#fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn.#stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on.#lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive#anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent.#sorry if you read all of this#text
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Okay, shopping cart accident to one side, I’m home now. Let’s go.
Tonight, on a very special “Quantum Leap”, we remind you that 2012 was about 11 years ago.
Oh fucking God, Party Rock Anthem…
Okay, it looked like Ben punched her to the floor.
“You love basketball.” Interesting time to pint that out.
“Ben, call it a hunch, but I think you have to save basketball.”
“Amanda, if you don’t rest your ankle, I’m banning you from basketball.”
You didn’t have to cue Party Rock Anthem back up, guys…
Gia should’ve done a Space Jam, but she got the job done regardless.
Now Ben, as you can tell, you are not leaping yet, so welcome to the long haul.
Ah, we’re getting right into the transphobia, delightful.
“And she’s your daughter.” She just called Ben “Dad”, no fucking shit.
I too sadly stare at high school trophies when confronted with dickhead teenagers yelling at my daughter.
In-fighting amongst the team, and Ben being scolded by the principal for having his trans daughter play basketball, we are starting off on a cheery fucking note…
“Look, my daughter can fucking grow a new ankle all I fucking care, you are the asshole here, not me!”
Calling it: In 8 years time, Amanda’s mom becomes a full blown Karen. I can technically say that since “Karen” didn’t enter the public consciousness until 2020, she doesn’t count yet in 2012.
Well, I commend Gia for trying to make light of a shit situation.
Also, dollars to donuts the principal was the one to make her use the janitor’s closet as a changing room.
Why the fuck would they use a real helicopter for “Miss Saigon”? You remember what happened with “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, right?
Ben already changed history, neat.
So, Ben has to make sure Gia has to not run away, got it. How many transphobes does he need to beat up to make this happen? Can that be the episode?
Moral of the Story: Being an ally is for scrubs, being an accomplice gets shit done.
Why am I convinced this bar is in Texas?
Also, is Janis still at the Project, or was she allowed to leave after saying a name?
Dottie, you are clearly lying about not knowing Ben, why are you lying to Ernie Hudson?
Dottie is such a sick-ass poet, the government hates her. That’s awesome.
So, while Ben is fighting transphobia in 2012, Magic and Jenn are attending a poetry slam in Not Texas.
March 13th, the scariest March. So, watch as it turns out that day was actually super bad for Dottie, and I become an asshole.
“Management here is sus.” Among Us has done a lot of fucking damage to society.
[My phone wanted to autocorrect “damage” to “Sam anger”, just FYI.]
If only “Angry Birds” was still a good game in 2023…
“I can’t believe you put her in the game without giving me a head’s up first!” It was the last 30 seconds, and Amanda had a shit ankle, stop trying to make Ben the bad guy here!
“Don’t make me the enemy, I’m already doing that to you!”
Okay, I count that as confirmation of my “Amanda’s mom becomes a Karen” theory.
I think you need to block that number, ma’am.
“I-I didn’t think-” “That’s right. You didn’t think.” Ma’am, remember how you told Ben to not make you the enemy? Yeah, that’s a two-way street.
Ma’am, I am willing to bet Gia’s going to regionals, I hope you are prepared for that.
I love how Ben indirectly asked “Why couldn’t this episode just be basketball?”
“They banned trans people in the military?” Oh, I wish to fucking God they were allowed to directly shit on Trump here…
“The point is, we saw it coming, and we[…] didn’t say anything.” A tale as old as time.
I love it when my wholesome time travel show openly admits it wants to fix the bullshit of 2017, but can’t yet.
“[soft cheerful music]” is not a caption this episode deserves.
I love how the episode is blatantly making this a wholesome family moment to set the audience up for more bullshit at that car wash. I saw the trailer.
I fucking felt myself die hearing Ben say “Swag”. Certain things were left behind in the 2010s for a fucking reason.
And now there’s a debate between Twilight and Hunger Games. I am fucking old.
“Bella is totally useless without Edward or Jacob.” Show, I did not fucking sign up for debates about the lore of Twilight, stop this.
“Who needs The Hunger Games if you got high school, am I right?” Mic drop.
And now the episode enters hardcore “This is the fucking moral” mode.
Nothing like a dance party to make life better.
Okay, legitimate question: How much of this speech was written, and how much of this is ad-libbed from personal experience?
Okay, time for the fun car wash scene set to Carly Rae Jepson, clearly things will not get bad!
Oh goody, Amanda’s mom is also here, I already do not have high hopes!
[Fun fact: I dabbled in car washing as a kid one summer. That lasted only a week; when I tried washing my sister’s car, she got annoyed that I didn’t do a good job, and when she tried doing it herself, she sprayed me in the face with the hose out of anger. That’s why I don’t wash cars anymore.]
“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s tonal whiplash, I guess sorry, maybe.”
Ohhhhhhh, I hope that wasn’t the principal’s car…
…so, of course it was actually Amanda’s mom’s car…
Ben is getting fed up with this mom, and I agree with him.
Boy, I already know what the principal has in mind for “protecting girl’s basketball”, and I already am mad.
Ben is legitimately knocking some skulls to protect Gia. Father of the year.
“Okay, let me tell you a story. It’s about me.”
“Dad, I bet it sucked for Ben Song…” “You don’t know the fucking half of it.”
“And every time I smell Febreze-“ Holy fucking tonal shift, Batman.
“She called it loneliness, but I called it toast.” …you were having a stroke?
Magic is having a religious experience in this poetry slam.
I love how she didn’t even say a name, and yet Amanda’s mom instantly owned up to being the complainer. No fucking subtlety.
Amanda, why are trying to be cordial at this point, your mom is currently making shit worse, and both you and Gia know this.
Okay, fuck it. She’s a full-blown Karen now. The evolution is complete.
Please, please let her slap the shit out of Amanda’s mom…
Amanda, there is only one reason why you would say it would be different. You know that, right?
I love how the principal has just decided to cowtow to Amanda’s bitch-ass mom.
I now really fucking hate the principal. Way to fucking go, you made shit worse!
And now Gia’s going to run away! Good job all around!
“This isn’t my first runaway kid, let me tell you about an earthquake in ‘89 sometime.”
Maybe basketball will help fix everything…
Look, Gia, if it makes you feel better, there’s a decent chance karma is going to bite Principal Kruger and Amanda’s mom both in the ass hard.
“Why don’t you grownups figure out how to make school safe for everyone?!” Gia? Hi. I’m from 2023. We’re still waiting for that question to be answered…
Ben has indirectly said the principal can go fuck herself.
Okay, cool, Amanda has decided to stop giving a shit about her mom.
“You’re really going to put your job on the line for this stunt?” “Go fuck yourself, ma’am, I’m fucking Ben Song.”
“What exactly do you think you’re going to achieve with this?” “Well, ma’am, I think we’re about to go to regionals.” I honest to God wish Ben flipped her off after saying that. You know for a fact he wanted to.
Okay, time for the most important game of basketball all episode.
The only cheaters I see are all the assholes holding up the shitty fucking signs trying to psyche Gia out.
That was Ben’s “Remember the Titans” speech.
I love how everyone at the Project is getting in on the action.
And Ian goes into the Imaging Chamber.
“Look, the principal wanted me to make you pull your daughter, but I ain’t her fucking lackey. Instead, I just want to tell you good luck, we’re all counting on you.”
Yeah, get fucked, society, the Union saves the day yet again!
Annnnnnd I was wondering when Katy Perry would poke her head into the door…
I love how Ben leapt there.
Meanwhile, back at the poetry slam.
“Dottie, you got Quantum Leaped.”
So, I guess Ian’s the secret leaper.
Meanwhile, Hell’s Kitchen.
“Awesome! I get to be a cook! Nothing bad can happen!”
[On an unrelated note, the promo revealed that the next episode involves the restaurant burning down that same day.]
All in all, I am now doubly upset I couldn’t watch this live. And that’s not even factoring in there’s another three week gap.
Also, my pet theory is that Principal Kroger gets sacked soon after that game.
#quantum leap#spoilers#let them play#cw: discussions about transphobia#twilight#the hunger games#airplane#next episode promo
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Rebound
Kuroo Tetsurou x female reader 18+
NSFW, IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT
Warning: mentions of breakup, cunnilingus, 1 photo taken (nature of which is slightly nonconsensual), aftercare
A/N: So, uhh, these past few months have been wack in regards to my love life. I went from breaking off an almost 2-year long distance relationship, to proclaiming that I’m gonna have a hoe phase on Tinder, to actually meeting a guy who I actually like (who knew I would have a successful Tinder relationship?!?!)…….. soooooooo
ALSO-- this is my first (serious) smut I've ever written. Please be kind.
ALSO ALSO-- if this gets enough love, I might make this concept into a full-blown fic
You did everything right. You made time for him. You gave him gifts. You sent him both a good morning and a goodnight text every day. You fulfilled his needs, even when it didn't necessarily benefit you.
Or so you thought.
If you didn't answer that butt-dial from him and heard the pants and moans coming from his end, you would have lived happily in ignorant bliss. If you didn't go to check on him to see if he was ok, you wouldn't be in the predicament you found yourself in currently.
Now you find yourself, wrapped in blankets, crying on his neighbor's couch.
Your boyfriend would always complain about his next door neighbor Tetsurou Kuroo, how he would be the reason your boyfriend got in trouble with loud music and smoking with the landlord. However, despite your boyfriend's hatred of him, you grew close to the rooster head, becoming proper friends and not the girl who apologizes after every night she gets a little loud. He didn't approve of this friendship, but there wasn't much he could do about it.
Now that he's your ex, there is absolutely nothing he could do about it.
"So you walked in and saw him banging his coworker?" Tetsurou asked, placing a glass of cold water into your hand. Your body shook as you lifted the glass up to your lips to take a sip. You then set the glass down on the side table.
"Yes, and it was the one he told me not to worry about." you stuttered. You didn't care much for that coworker. She always seemed to weasel her way into your relationship. Date nights were cut short by her calling your [now ex] boyfriend to help her with a problem. He always seemed to be texting or calling her, and when you would ask why, he would just say 'work' and close his phone so you couldn't see. You would express your concern, but he would assure you that he only had eyes for you.
What bullshit.
Your wails of agony have since subsided to small sniffles. Your breathing was still rapid and without control, but for the most part you were calming down.
Then your phone went off, sounding a text tone that you had specifically saved for your now ex boyfriend.
As you reach for your phone, Tetsurou grabs a hold of it.
"Gimmie that," you whine.
"Password," Tetsurou demands.
"W-what? I'm not just gonna give-"
"Password!" Tetsurou demands even louder. Sighing, you tell him your password and he unlocks your phone. He reads over the text your ex sent you, talking about how you didn't know the whole story and scoffs. He taps on your phone a bit and gently tosses it on the couch cushion next to you as she sits himself down.
"Blocked him for you. He was going on about how you don't know the whole story and that this was the first and only time he messed up. Newsflash, I'm his neighbor, and the girl he has been with the last few weeks definitely wasn't you."
"Oh," you sniffle. So your suspicions were correct. This had been going on for quite a bit. "If you knew, why didn't you tell me earlier?" you asked Tetsurou.
"Well, honestly, I just put the pieces together this morning," Tetsurou replies. The walls are thin, so he could hear every gasp and moan that happened on the other side. He figured it was you, since you were his girlfriend after all. He would just turn on a show and watch it to tune out the love making on the other side of the wall. However, when he didn't receive the usual sorry note under the door that you would write, he knew something was up. The amount of times he would have to turn on his show wasn't going down, but the amount of the little notes he received was.
"You know, I don't think he ever loved me," you say, turning away from Tetsurou. "I honestly think he only liked the idea of me." The waterworks started to flow again.
"I tried so hard, you know? I know he didn't treat me the best, but I stuck with it because I thought he truly loved me," you sob into your hands. You smash your palms into your eyes as you cry out, as if you are trying to stop the tears coming out of your eyes. But they don't stop. If anything, they start to flow out faster.
"What did I do wrong?"
As soon as that question escaped your lips, Tetsurou pulled you into his lap and pressed you head against his chest. You cried even harder, balling his tear-soaked t-shirt in your clenched fists. He ran his nails across your scalp, lightly scratching it in an attempt to calm you down. Usually you would tell him to stop so as to not mess up your hair, but hair was the last thing on your mind at the moment. His other hand was rubbing your back, grounding you from the emotions racking your body at the moment.
"You did nothing wrong," he whispered over and over again in your ear, repeating until you calmed back down. He reached across from you and grabbed the glass of cold water and placed you off of his lap.
"Please drink up, I think you cried half of your water weight in the past 30 minutes alone," he joked, earning a small giggle from you. "I hate to leave you alone, but I'm going to change real fast and get you some bubble tea from that place down the street you like. Sound like a plan?" He asked, earning a nod from you.
With that, he stood up and left to go change and get some tea. You sat back on the couch and watched the door close shut. Now you were alone.
You had been in his apartment a couple times before, but now you were truly looking around at his décor. He didn't have much hanging on his walls, but he had a few pictures here and there. One was of his old volleyball team from high school. He stood in the middle with his red number 1 jersey sticking out for all to see that he was the captain.
Another picture he had on the wall was a picture of a small girl in his arms. After recalling a couple of conversations the two of you had, you remembered that he did have an older sister who had a daughter of her own. His niece.
Her short black hair was sticking up into two little pigtails, each decorated with a small pink bow. Her fluffy pink dress contrasted beautifully with the black dress shirt Tetsurou was wearing. Both of their smiles reached their ears.
He looked pretty good.
You sit there thinking, realizing only now that Tetsurou, the 'nasty neighbor' of your ex boyfriend, your friend, was pretty attractive. How come he didn't have a girlfriend of his own? Did he maybe swing the other way? You shook that thought out of your head when you remembered the stories he would tell of his high school sweetheart.
What happened to her?
While you're lost in thought, you don't hear the front door opening up.
"Here!" Tetsurou shouts, scaring the living daylights out of you. In one hand he's holding two cups of tea with the little tapioca balls at the bottom, and in the other are two straws. You sigh in relief as he sits down next to you, handing you your tea and straw.
"Tetsurou, what ever happened to that girl you dated in high school?" you ask as you stab the straw through the plastic.
"Oh, Alisa? It wasn't too brutal. Our futures were going in different directions and we just fell out of love," he shrugged as you sipped some tea and a few balls of tapioca.
The silence is deafening. Every time you glance at him, you shutter. 'How did I not see how hot he is earlier?' you scold to yourself.
The longer you look at him, the more you get worked up. Your eyes travel downwards to his neck. His Adams apple is sticking out, not too much, but just the perfect amount. They continue downward to his arms, which are framed beautifully by the cotton t-shirt he's wearing. His veins twist across his muscular arm and down to his hands.
Oh god his hands! The roughness of the veins popping out contrast with the smooth, even coloring of his skin. light callouses dot his palms, but for the most part, his hands are soft. perfect for caressing-
Not paying attention, you start to choke on a tapioca pearl. Coughing and wheezing, and with a little help from Tetsurou, you get it out of your windpipe. You pull the straw a little higher to avoid any more tapioca at the moment to catch your breath.
"You alright?" Tetsurou asks, and you nod a little too frantically. He squints his eyes and stares at you for a little bit, seeking confirmation that you're actually ok and not lying to him. Pursing your lips together in a sort-of smile, he takes that as the confirmation he needs and moves back to his drink.
The way he sips on the straw, how his soft, supple lips form around the straw and suck. The way the tea he's drinking dribbles down his chin just a little bit. The way he moves his thumb over his chin to wipe it up.
It shouldn't be getting you this worked up.
"So, is there anything you want to do now?" Tetsurou asked, reaching for the remote as if to imply that they should watch something on the TV. The way his arm flexes as he reaches across you.
You can't take it anymore.
"I want you to fuck me!" you blurt. As soon as the words left your lips, your hands shot up to cover your mouth.
Now it is his turn to choke on his tea. He drops the remote and it breaks apart on the wooden floor. Your hands migrate from your mouth to cover your face. This has to be the most embarrassing moment in your life.
"W-what?" Tetsurou asked, finally catching his breath. You keep your hands on your face, as if they are glued in place. The last thing you want is to look at him, much less in the eye.
"Ju-just ignore what I said! It's not important!" you frantically wave your hands around, hoping maybe they can help you fly away from the current situation.
Alas, you are merely human, and must suffer through the consequences of your actions.
Frantically, you shoot up from your seat, mumbling a string of farewells as you walk toward the door. However, you do not make it far, as you find your hand encapsulated in Tetsurou's as he yanks you back onto your spot on the couch.
"You can't just leave after saying something like that," Tetsurou mumbles. His ears are burning bright red while his cheeks are dusting a soft pink.
"Don't worry about it, I'll just download tinder and relive my frustrations there," you stutter, trying to stand up. However, under Tetsurou's grip and stare, your attempts are rendered futile. Fully realizing the situation, you sigh and throw your head back against the back of the couch.
"Fine," you mumble, blushing, "sorry for making you uncomfortable, I definitely did not mean to say that out loud."
Silence.
Unsure of what to do, you start to explain yourself.
"I'm just so frustrated, and I just wanted to... you know... get him back, like an eye for an eye type of deal," yo ramble on.
Tetsurou dropped his head into the palms of his hands, nodding his head left and right.
"And while you were gone, I kinda realized how attractive you were and i-"
"I never said I wouldn't, did I?" Tetsurou asked, not lifting his face out of his hands.
With that statement, the air is sucked out of your lungs. Your heart beats faster in your chest, while simultaneously wrapping itself tight within your body.
"No, uh, you don't have t-"
""Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to... for a while now," Tetsurou admitted, "So I'll do it, my only rule being that we won't go all the way today."
You press your fists into your plush thighs. "Why not? You literally just admitted that you were attracted to me," you ask.
"Because I don't want to give myself false hope."
"Why would fucking give y-" you tried to ask before Tetsurou interrupted your interruption.
"You just broke up with your long time boyfriend, a messy break-up I may add. Your emotions are all over the place. I really like you, (y/n), I just don't want to be your rebound. I want to be with you because you truly like me, not to get back at your shitty ex next door." He let out, like a breath held underwater.
"Oh," you whisper. He made a great point. What were your intentions right now? Was this all a ploy to get revenge on your ex? Did you actually like Tetsurou that way?
Did it really matter?
"So what?" you ask, stunning Tetsurou into silence.
Tetsurou swallows the lump in his throat and asks you to clarify.
"Well, there is a mutual attraction, and we both clearly want this, why don't we just go for it and see what happens?" you ask.
The pause is long and silent. Tetsurou’s eyes were looking everywhere but at you. Did he actually want this? Yes, but in this way? He took a glance in your direction and saw you still staring down at your tea, swiveling the ice around in circles.
You were definitely a sight for sore eyes in Tetsurou’s ever so humble opinion. The way your face was tinted the slightest red color made his heart melt. He would never forgive his neighbor for what he did to you, making your larger than life personality look small and meek.
Overwhelmed with feelings of both attraction and adoration, he simply couldn’t help himself. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this, but after all this time of him secretly crushing on her from a distance, he just couldn’t hold out anymore.
He grabbed your face and turned it toward him, crashing his lips onto yours.
The kiss became more feverish as the seconds passed. A simple peck turned into moments of locking lips, trying to taste each other.
His lips were thin, however soft, with the slight sting of mint chapstick tingling your tongue. You decided to take initiative and slipped your tongue out to taste his bottom lip. He took the signal and included his tongue in the dance, the two muscles stroking together as he grasped the hair on the back of your head and pulled you closer.
As the make-out session continued, the two of you started to position yourselves on the couch; you lying against the armrest and him balancing himself on top of you. Once in this position, his hands started to wander across your body.
Every curve of yours was not left without attention. His hands traveled from behind your head to your chest, from your chest to down your stomach, from your stomach to your thighs, and finally spread your thighs apart to gain access to your covered core, where you wanted to feel his hands the most.
His kisses started trailing south to the crook of your neck, moving from kissing to sucking as he started to rub your clothed slit. An airy gasp escaped your lips, enjoying all the sensations you were feeling at the moment. Once he was satisfied by the purple bruise left just above your collarbone, he started to sit up, causing you to whine from the loss of contact.
Your whining soon stopped however when you noticed him grabbing at your shorts, working to pull them down. As he started to pull down, your breath got caught in your throat, causing it to be held in. Flinging your shorts and panties behind him, he gently kissed your thigh and asked, “Do you still want this, you seem a little tense?”
“Yes!” you gasp a little too fast. His breath was so warm against your wet pussy, teasing you to the point of no return.
“Ok, you have to let me know if you get too overwhelmed or want to stop at any point,” he says before diving down. You are about to acknowledge him until a heavy gasp escapes your lips before you can give your confirmation.
Tetsurou didn’t hesitate going down on you. He simply couldn’t wait any longer. Simply pumping his fist wasn’t doing it for him anymore.
He started to kiss, flick, and suck at your clit, making you breathe harder with the rising pleasure. His movements were soft and light, but they were shaking your very core. He grabbed your thighs and placed them over his shoulders, giving him more access.
His movement was simple, something you could easily replicate with your fingers and maybe a quality toy, but that didn’t change how it was working on you. Your heavy breaths turned into soft whimpers as the pleasure began to bubble up.
You were progressing nicely, but Kuroo didn’t think it was progressing fast enough. To remedy his frustrations, he rubbed his fingers against your wetness, slicking it up to start thrusting into you.
The anticipation of his fingers slipping into you made your whimpers louder. He switched up his mouth to sucking your clit between his teeth and flicked it with his tongue and slowly inserted a finger. He pressed the pad of his finger against the ceiling and started to thrust in and out, rubbing against the entirety of your g-spot softly.
This new sensation had you bucking your hips and bubbling over with pleasure, pretty much ripping the orgasm out of you. Tetsurou smiled as you rode out your orgasm, moaning and whimpering small vowel sounds.
The orgasm was nice, but Tetsurou knows you can be louder, he's definitely heard you get louder at least.
Before you can fully recover from your high, his lips reattach to your clit and insert two fingers into you. The moan that escaped your lips was loud and almost pornographic. He smirked, knowing your shit ex next store most likely heard it.
Although, he knew that the fun this round was only just beginning.
Instead of thrusting his fingers in and out, he started to press his fingers up against you, as if he was motioning for you to come here.
The new motion of his fingers mixed with his lips sucking and tongue flicking at your clit was causing you to sprint to the edge way too fast. You couldn’t hold back your moans by control alone, so you bit the back of your hand in an attempt to suppress the noise.
Tetsurou was having none of that today. Using his other hand, he rips your arm away from you, silently implying that he wants to hear how loud you were being.
You try to ground yourself by grasping the armrest behind you, although that doesn’t do much to stop yourself from the orgasm that's rising far too quickly.
Your moans are getting louder and louder as you get closer and closer. Tetsurou has you teetering on the edge as his movement gets faster and faster. Soon your coil snaps and you find yourself cumming harder than you ever have before.
You thrash your head side to side as your hips buck up toward his fingers. He removes his lips and fingers and starts to quickly rub his fingers back and forth on your clit as you ride out your orgasm, extending the peak longer than what you're used to.
As you start to once again come down from your high, you hear soft chuckling coming from Tetsurou. You look up to find his shirt soaking wet.
“Di-did i-i do that?” You ask, afraid of the answer.
“If you’re referring to the squirting, yes, you just did. Hard,” Kuroo smirks, causing your already flushed face to burst even more red in embarrassment. Instinctively, you hide your face behind your hands, as if you could magically disappear if you couldn’t see him.
“Pretty hot,” he mutters to himself before beginning to suckle on your inner thigh, allowing you to completely come down before going back at it. Beyond your blissful sighs, Tetsurou heard your phone buzzing in the background.
Blocked Number.
An evil smirk came to his face as a sinister idea popped into his mind. While you were blissfully unaware of your phone buzzing, Tetsurou opened your phone and unblocked your ex, just to see if he was reacting to the pretty sounds you were making.
And reacted, he did.
Countless messages flooded your phone after Tetsurou unblocked his number, with messages ranging from ‘come back, let’s talk baby,’ to ‘you better not be with Kuroo right now.’ The final message read, “I know that’s you at Kuroo’s apartment, you fucking bitch.”
“Tetsurou, what are you doing?” you ask, finally in grip with reality.
“Just giving your ex a bit of a show,” he replied, diving right back in.
Breathlessly, you grasp his bed head, trying to get a grip on your once again slipping reality. In the heat of the moment, he pushed your thighs down to each side, revealing your flushed pussy. While flicking his tongue on your clit once again, he snapped a selfie. In the frame was his face, smirking with his tongue out flicking your clit. To make the picture even better, your manicured hands were in view, gripping his hair in pleasure.
Perfect for a porn twitter account.
Tetsurou typed out ‘your loss, pal,’ and sent the text, blocked your ex’s number once again, and tossed your phone to the side, getting back to work, soon bringing you to your third and final orgasm.
After cleaning you up and bringing you a glass of water, Tetsurou snuggled up to you under a cozy blanket. As your endorphins went down, the pure dread of what your ex did came back.
“What’s wrong, (Y/N), do you regret what we did?” Tetsurou asked, the expression of pure concern expressed on his face.
“No, I’m just angry about this whole thing! Three years gone!” you shutter, trying to hold back tears. Tetsurou held you tighter.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” he whispered, brushing your hair out of your face.
For the next ten minutes, you were crying into his chest as he rubbed you back and whispered soothing words.
As you calm down and sip your water, Tetsurou breaks the silence saying, “We need to talk about what just happened and what we are.”
You don’t reply, instead, you stare off to the side past Tetsurou’s shoulder.
“I kinda like you, but I’m not sure,” you meekly reply.
“Understandable. I want you to sleep on the idea of us. After you think of it, I want you to call me. Then we can get dinner.”
Space is what she needs, and space is what Tetsurou is willing to give her.
“Sounds great, but can I stay a little longer?” you ask, nuzzling seemingly closer into his warmth.
“Stay as long as you need, sweetie.”
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu smut#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x reader#y/n#kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsurō#tetsurou kuroo smut#kuroo x you#kuroo x reader smut#smut#lemon#do people still use lemon?#oh well im using it#cheating
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Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?
UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao
so a crossover hmmm
First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers
So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them
In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!
End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future
Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long
Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell
Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece
But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again
So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him
So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.
Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk
Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.
(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)
So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere
so of course heroes get involved
Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion
anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years
"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."
"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.
"I'm 58." Five says.
"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.
"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.
"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing
on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not
though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing
anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal
on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens
Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on
Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?
RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c
Aizawa: no
Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"
nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"
honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this
Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point
also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."
I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.
i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo
but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"
"the what"
"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"
"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."
all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention
klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn
(klaus: your name is shimura nana??
all might: immediately dies choking on blood)
i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma
the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes
diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort
Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics
every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like
Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens
Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?
izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series
Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.
Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?
Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment
Mina: hell yeah game the system
they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon
Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."
Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"
deku: vanya we have so much in common
iida and uraraka: concerned noises
aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.
there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)
five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.
(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)
five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to
nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?
klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!
luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?
on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all
allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks
allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝
aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net
i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world
i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.
they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)
i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it
i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room
also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.
a teacher: why is a student in here -
Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult
nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"
five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"
anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny
#long post#far tua long#tua bnha crossover#what kind of disaster is this#there are so many characters in bnha to even consider#there is no more apocalypse so five either chills the fuck out or his paranoia ramps up to an eleven#or both!#five teleporting into nedzu's office like: hey i wrote a 52 page potential contingency plan for if x happens#and nedzu is like 'wonderful!' and gives it back to five the next day with corrections and critiques in red ink#klaus ben and ghost!nana get along like a house on fire even if she keeps telling klaus that he's too skinny#ben: klaus is an absolute fucking idiot with zero braincells#nana nodding sagely while looking at all might: ah yes i know the exact type#diego and snipe become absolute bros like ride or die because why not#luther gets positive reinforcement and goes to therapy#also thirteen listens patiently to luther infodumping about space because i think that would be nice#five is either like 'i'm only thirteen uwu' or 'i'm fifty eight' and there is nothing in between - only what is most convenient#i feel like kaminari and mina vibe with five's brand of chaos#iida doesn't know whether to murder five for being a gremlin and disobeying so many rules or to be respectful bc five is technically old#aizawa is SO TIRED y'all#aizawa thinks vanya is going to be the good hargreeves but PSYCHE all the hargreeves are equally chaotic in different ways#five calls nedzu 'dad' for the sole reason that it makes every teacher and/or hero in earshot cringe in automatic fear#klaus also calls nedzu dad because he just thinks it's funny#five and nedzu have similar coping mechanisms so they vibe but nedzu also vibes with klaus's sense of chaotic humor#five gets talked into healthier coping mechanisms by way of 'keeping his cover' or 'preventing the hc from getting their hands on you'#aka five is not allowed to drink alcohol#five HAS gone to midnight and been like 'hey teach knock me the fuck out my brain is working overdrive and i need to not be awake anymore'
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British. Handsome. Charming. - Harry Styles x Reader Retail!AU
Sorta requested.
Warnings: Swearing, suggestive situations, I say titties like once
Words: 2108
Summary: When your coworker calls out and leaves you alone for a graveyard shift, you unintentionally enlist the help of a certain British, handsome, and charming retail employee from next door.
A/N: Hello this is my piece for @meetmeinfleetwood ‘s “to lovers��� fic challenge! I put my ‘to lovers’ trope as Coworkers Harry and Y/n but I’m kind of riffing off of that trope because I wanted to do employees at different stores in the same section of the mall.
“So, Ziva just called out...” I hear my manager Kelly break the news from behind me. A groan threatens to escape my lungs but I fight the urge as best as possible to save face in front of customers. This is the third time Ziva’s called out of her graveyard shift in the past two weeks. Tonight, we were supposed to unpack the new shipment of holiday tees, gag gifts, and decorations. On a normal night, I can handle floor set by myself, but the added challenge of holiday items and displays is a different story.
“If I take another lunch right now, I can stay and help with the floor set.”
“No,” I wave her off, already dreading the exhaustion that is bound to set in, “Go home. You’ve already done your full eight, I can fly solo for tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Go before I regret letting you!” Kelly smiles with the tip of her tongue peaking through her teeth. She thanks me for freeing her and I finish straightening the last of the yellow champion hoodies on the rack in front of me.
“The boxes are on the left side in the backroom.” Backroom… got it.
Working at Tilly’s was supposed to be my high school job. At the end of Junior year, I opted for a minimum wage position to earn some extra spending money. If I’d known I would be attending the most local university in this godforsaken town, I would’ve picked a better gig; one that pays more. Or at least one that doesn’t schedule me from 7:30PM to 3AM.
The store closes at ten but the other four ish hours are for rearranging the entire floor layout. I have to redistribute the table full of graphic tees strategically around the store to make room for the holiday items we just received. With someone else’s help I could expect to be finished by 12:30. Maybe 1. Ziva calling out wasn’t part of the plan however, so I don’t expect to be finished early at all. If anything, I might have to rush to finish before my shift ends.
Not to mention I have a prose analysis final draft due tomorrow by midnight. Ziva better have some damn good excuses when she gets back.
Readjusting the waistband of my favorite jeans against my body, I head to the dressing rooms to double check for any stragglers. Upon finding myself alone, I go lock the front doors and flick off the glowing “open” sign in the front window. Hopefully time will fly faster than it has since I got here. I should’ve asked Kelly to grab me a coffee or a coke to get me through the rest of the shift. Maybe I should do some coke to get me through the rest of the shift.
Okay. What did Kelly say?
Backroom... Was that all? I hesitantly prop the storeroom’s door with the small, tan, rubber wedge before trying to take in the overwhelming mess of the backroom. The room has painfully bright overhead LED lights illuminating my path; the brightness is mirrored off the polished concrete floors under my feet. Considering there’s no holiday bullshit directly in front of me, Kelly must have given me more directions than just ‘backroom’. Graphic tees, sunglasses, jewelry. Nothing.
In my most goddamn genius idea yet, I search the top of the self of the storeroom to see the holiday boxes sealed and intact. Lovely. I can graze the surface of the top shelf with my fingertips just enough to get them dusty, but not enough to pull down any boxes.
Fuck.
This is what we have a ladder for, but we lent it out to the Zara next door. I don’t know what time they close but intuition tells me it's soon. Figuring I have nothing to lose, I dash out of the back room and unlock the front door to round the corner into Zara. Right as I exit the store, I run into someone hard enough to lose my balance, but not hard enough to take the other person down, thank god.
“Woahhh, you alright there?” British.
I look up to the face of the person I collided with. Handsome.
“I’m so sorry, I need to get to Zara.”
“I’m afraid you’re too late for that.” The handsome stranger’s statement catches me off guard and the fog of my rushed mindset disappears. Charming.
“What?”
“Jus’ locked up, I’m afraid.” I look at the completely dark storefront, and then back at the stranger. His gleaming green eyes catch mine and, cliché-ly, I’m rendered breathless by the exquisite nature of his face. Employee.
“You work at Zara,” I state dumbly.
“That, I do. And you work…?” Dropping my eyes to my worn work shoes, I’m suddenly overwhelmingly shy about working at Tilly’s.
“Tilly’s, next door. We lent you guys our step ladder and I need it back.”
“Shit,” the man smiles softly, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “I have the key to the store, but I don’t have the key to the supply closet where we kept it.”
“Dammit.” When I pull out my phone to check the time, I groan at the loss of another ten minutes. “By any chance do you guys conveniently have a step ladder that isn’t in an inaccessible closet?” The beautiful man laughs at my question and shakes his head no.
“We don’t, but I am pretty tall, maybe I could help?”
“You’re not that tall.”
“Taller than you.” My teasing is cut short by the man’s quip and I lead him into the store with conviction.
“Basically, I’m supposed to reconfigure the entire floor layout around the table for all the holiday merch, and the shipment came in but someone brilliantly placed them on the top shelf of the back room.”
“Which is why you need the step ladder from the closet that I can’t open. Gotcha.”
“If you could just get those three boxes from the top shelf right there that’d be wonderful.” After clocking the boxes in question, he nods wordlessly, and slips off his nice coat, no doubt a piece from the store next door. Underneath, he’s wearing a grey button up of which he begins rolling up the sleeves to. The action made me stop breathing for a second. His forearms are littered with tattoos of various drawings, one in particular catching my eye.
It’s a two dimensional mermaid figure with no seashell-bra, her skin transitioning into scales only after exposing her pubic bone. In the fluorescent lighting of the store, it’s clear as day that this is quite possibly the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. What’s he doing working at an outlet mall?
Zoning back in, I see he’s already hard at work. With a box no doubt full of gag gifts on his shoulder, he speaks again.
“I’m Harry by the way.”
I return the gesture and he smiles when he hears my name.
“Pretty.”
Returning his attention to the second box, he reaches up to slide the box closer to the edge of the shelf. When he does so, the hem of his grey shirt rides up to reveal a tiny strip of his toned abdomen, where two mirrored stems of fern leaves are tattooed in strikingly black ink.
I blink quickly a few times to redirect my focus, and divert my attention to the floor where he’s set the first box. This leads me to notice the brown suede chelsea boots he’s wearing. Black coat, grey shirt, brown shoes. Interesting.
“Oh shit!” I hear him mutter in a hushed voice. Looking up to the top of the shelf, I see that the last box has already been opened. Harry is balancing it between both limbs, his shoulder, and his head, but any movement would cause the contents of the box to fall out.
I rush forward to help. Moving the flaps of the box back over the top, I reach across Harry’s body to move them. Then, to keep them shut I place one palm on top of the seam, and use the other hand to support the bottom of the box. It isn’t until I stop moving that I notice the position I’ve put us in. I’m reaching up as far as I can to secure the top of the box which has placed the entire front side of my body to the back of his. I’m painfully aware of how my hips are pressed against his ass, and he must be painfully aware of the way my titties are pressed against his upper back.
“I’m gonna move backwards so it’s off the shelf. Just hold the top in place until I have it right side up again, yea?” I nod dumbly in response before realizing he can’t see me.
“Yeah, got it.” And with that he begins to back up little by little, moving at a pace slow enough for me to consistently adjust. The box is almost intact, but I’ve run out of space from standing behind Harry, and I have to maneuver myself around him whilst keeping the box shut. I cringe before doing what I have to do, and shuffling around the side of Harry’s body, my frontside pressed against him the entire time.
Finally, it’s over and we can set the box down on top of the other two. Harry stands up straight again and dusts off his hands. He adjusts his jeans, pulling them back up his hips, and I have to keep myself from staring once more.
“Anythin’ else I can do for you?”
“I don’t think so? That’s pretty much all the heavy lifting I have to do tonight.” He nods understandingly and… dare I say disappointed? I’m probably just projecting.
“Are you alone tonight?”
“Yeah, my coworker called out, but it’s fine. My boss Kelly got most of the work done earlier when she unpacked a lot of the boxes and folded the shirts into piles, so…”
“I could help.”
“You don’t need to do that. You’re already off and I’m sure you’re exhausted and-”
“I want to.” I guess I wasn’t projecting.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. That way you can go home earlier.” His smile is soft and lopsided until we connect eyes, in which case it brightens to reveal his pearly teeth. I fall shy under his gaze and avert my eyes to the concrete floor below us. My cheeks are radiating at about 1000° and I hope he doesn’t notice.
“Thank you,” I say, more flustered than I would have liked. Why am I getting so nervous? He’s just a retail employee at Zara.
A gorgeous employee at Zara.
“I don’t mind staying back... Spending more time with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Since I already know what you do for a living, what are your hobbies?” He ignores my question.
“I don’t have much time for hobbies. I’m only part-time while I’m in uni.”
“No way, what are you studying?”
I proceed to tell Harry all about my major and my career aspirations post-graduation and post-retail. I enjoy telling people about my dreams and yet, Harry’s the first person I’ve met in a long time that’s shown any interest in me and my dreams. The way he nods attentively despite having to fold misconstrued t-shirts and holiday sweaters, ignites a fire in my stomach that warms my heart. They way he asks hyper specific, prompting questions to learn more about my plans contrasts the fire inside me by sending chills down my spine.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What are your dreams?” Harry stops folding for a moment and exhales a conflicted sigh.
“I’m not too sure at the moment. I’m content at Zara for the moment, and I haven’t decided what’s next. I do write music though.”
“You do?”
“A bit, yeah.”
“What kind of music?” He stops to think again, a bit less conflicted than before.
“It’s like, indie-folk-pop-rock ish.”
“Indie-folk-pop-rock ish?” I can’t contain the laughter spilling from my lips over the mountain of folded t-shirts.
“Yeah. A good bit of variety, really.”
“Well, it’s nice you have something to be passionate about.”
“Judging by how you talked about your dreams for an hour, I wouldn’t say I’m as passionate as you are about your studies.”
“Passion isn’t a competition. It’s what moves you forward as an individual.” It’s Harry’s turn to laugh at me.
“Okay, Gandhi.”
“Hush! I’m allowed to be philosophical.” His laugh draws into a closed-mouth smile, from humor to an adoration of sorts.
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” I unintentionally mirror his affectionate smile.
“Promise?”
***
A/N: This was absolutely one of those fics that, the longer I stared at it, the more I hated it and cut it down so here’s what’s remaining before I destroyed the whole thing. It’s def a puff piece and not an in depth fic but nuance is not my friend right now so, sorry about it :(
Taglist: @curlybrownhairedboys @meetmeinfleetwood
#Harry#Harry Styles#Harry Styles fanfiction#Harry Styles fanfic#Harry Styles fic#Harry Styles writing#Harry Styles imagine#Harry Styles oneshot#Harry Styles one shot#Harry Styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#Harry Styles fluff#Harry Styles angst#Harry Styles smut
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You Better You Bet
Previous - PART TEN - Next - Masterlist
Author’s Note: I’m garbage. You know what it is. Also, editing this in the bathtub by candlelight, drinking wine and listening to a twilight playlist. Very on brand for me I think.
Pairing: Riverdale, FP Jones, and 19-Year-Old Reader
Description: A bet with Jughead leads to so much more than winning.
Warning: Language, Adult themes, Age Gap, Forbidden love bullshit, brief mention of female masturbation, bi!FP and top!FP if you squint, fluff in a sarcastic way, getting caught red handed
Song Inspiration: illicit affairs - Taylor Swift
The word felt weird on your tongue. Girlfriend. It felt even weirder calling him your boyfriend. You didn’t use them in front of other people, not yet. It all still felt so delicate. You had admitted to Betty and Veronica that you were seeing FP, but didn’t divulge that it was exclusive or serious yet. You were also quite aware that Jughead was not as oblivious as he pretended to be, but neither of you dared bring it up to the other.
As days slipped into weeks, you got more comfortable with the words. Eventually, you had slipped into a routine with FP. You’d see each other a few times a week, either at his trailer or the Wyrm or occasionally the overlook. Usually, you’d sleepover and either drive yourself home or to school in the morning. It was comfortable, almost domestic, how easily you wrapped your lives around each other. He bought more food (you preferred that he let you cook, but he at least owned spices and herbs now); the trailer stayed cleaner and brighter with fewer empty beer cans littered around. You were brighter, too. You had always felt like a person out of their time- too old to still be in high school by most standards, the oldest kid in your family with no siblings or cousins to keep you company, forced to grow up too fast, but too young to be considered an adult in all the ways that mattered. Nothing that was supposed to feel right ever did. So it made sense that the first thing to ever feel right was a man that was supposed to be wrong. It worked, though. Somehow, it worked.
Easily your favorite part of your newfound relationship was sleeping next to FP. Falling asleep to the sound of his even heartbeat and low breath had become soothing in a way you would have never imagined. Waking up to his messy hair and gruff voice might have been even better. On the nights you couldn’t spend with him, you tossed and turned violently for hours-unable to find the comfort of sleep without being wrapped up in your man’s arms. Unfortunately, this was one of those nights. No amount of pillow flips, weighted blankets, or calming audios would put you to bed like FP could. You picked up your phone to text him- but the bright white numbers reading “3:30” made you decide against it; it was much too late to bother him. Instead, you decided to tire yourself out in the only way you knew how: with your hand slipped into your sweatpants lazily working yourself up until maybe-just maybe an orgasm would tire you out enough to put you out. But apparently, sleep wasn’t the only thing FP has ruined for you. Why were you sitting here touching yourself in vain when you could be getting railed by your boyfriend? Unfair. Ridiculous. You would just have to spend the rest of the night tossing until maybe sleep took you.
The next day was frustrating, to say the least. Working on barely two and a half hours of sleep, school was painful to get through. The only thing keeping you from going home to sleep was knowing that you were headed to FP’s trailer as soon as the end-of-day bell rang. You spent most of your day tapping your foot impatiently and chewing on your pen cap with heavy-lidded eyes, praying that somehow the clock would speed up. Somehow, you slugged through your day and eventually heaved your limp body into your car. By the time you had realized you had forgotten to turn on your radio, you were already halfway to FP’s trailer.
Once you finally arrived, you wasted no time on the usual once-over of yourself in your rearview mirror. You walked right into the trailer without even bothering to knock, took one glance at FP sitting on his sofa, and collapsed directly on top of him, head snugly in his lap. He chuckled as he ran his fingers through your hair and brushed it out of your face, which turned to look at him. “Long day, huh, baby girl?”
“You have ruined my life, Forsythe,” you informed him in a low monotone.
“Naw, don’t say that, baby. What happened?” He was actually concerned which made you feel a slight pang of guilt. Maybe you shouldn’t have started with that. Oops.
You sat up and took off your coat which you hadn’t originally bothered to peel off. “I can’t sleep…” you muttered softly.
“How exactly is that my fault?”
“You’re too comfy!”, you whined at him dramatically. “How am I supposed to get any sleep in a cold empty bed, when I’m used to passing out on your stupid warm, soft chest?”
He looked at you with stars in his eyes as a smile grew on his face. “You’re mad at me because I’m too good of a cuddler?”
“Precisely!”
“Jesus fucking…” he muttered as he got up from the couch and took your hands, leading you up with him. “C’mere…”
You followed him gratefully into the bedroom and sat down on the corner of the bed, slowly inching up towards the pillows to crawl under the covers.
“You’re gonna sleep in jeans?” he asked for with a quark of his brow.
“Sorry I didn't put PJs in my backpack today,” you replied snarkily, ready to just sleep.
“That hasn’t stopped you before,” he threw a large flannel over at you. “Get comfy, kiddo.”
You started to strip down to just your panties, “I hate when you call me that.”
He shot you a questioning glace, prodding you to explain. “It makes this weirder than it already is.”
“Wasn’t aware that it was weird.” It was his turn to strip down now, just to his teeshirt and boxers.
You lifted up the covers and set underneath them trying to get comfortable at once. “I mean it’s not weird but I just don’t need to be reminded that you’re over twice my age, thank you very much.”
He followed you into bed and pulled you close, hiking your leg up as far as it could go. “Shush. You’re just mad that I was backstage with Motley Crue while you weren’t even born.” He kissed your forehead with a smile. “Now sleep, little girl.”
Sleep started to take over your body but you’d be damned if you didn’t get the last word in. “I still can’t believe Tommy Lee bottomed for you.”
As your eyes closed and you faded into sweet oblivion, you could hear FP faintly whisper “I never should have told you that.”
—————————————————————-
You woke up with a startle to what sounded like the trailer door opening. FP was still next to you, also starting to wake and looking just as confused.
Your first thought was that this was going to end bloody. Some ghost from FP’s past or some new Riverdale Psycho was gonna come to turn your cozy little life upside down in mere seconds. What ended up being reality was quite possibly way worse.
“Dad?” Jughead’s voice rang loud and clear through the trailer. You and FP looked at each other with wide eyes, panicked, to say the least.
“Go!” you whispered to him, hitting him out of bed frantically as you began to look for your pants at least.
He scrambled out of bed and the small bedroom slamming the door shut behind him as he came into view of his son. It was close too; one more corner and Jughead would have found you.
It wasn’t so much that you didn’t want Jughead to know. it was just easier. You had no idea how you would begin to explain how this bet had blossomed into so much more. When the time finally came, you definitely wanted it to be on your own terms and not caught half-naked in bed on a Tuesday afternoon.
You could barely hear the conversation between the father and son, too focused on your own thoughts of what you would say if Jughead for some reason needed to come into the bedroom. From what you gathered, Jug needed help fixing up a motorcycle he picked up and wanted to see if his dad was up for the task. All you could think about was how that could have been a phone call, a text even. But no, he just had to come all the way here to ask this 5-second question. FP was quick to agree to help him and set up a time later this week for him to come over with the bike to work on it. He made up some excuse about having a long day and being exhausted, ushering Jughead out the door just as quickly as he burst in. once he was sure Jug was gone and not coming back, he walked back into the bedroom and ran his hands through his hair. God, he looked sexy when he was stressed.
“Well that was close,” you said simply
#fp jones x reader#fp jones fluff#fp jones smut#fp jones#bi!fp#top!fp#riverdale#riverdale imagine#riverdale smut#wip#rattwrites
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I hate it when you stare
Wow here I am with another part, another fic. Ignooooree my typooos. Is this more soft smut? No one told me last time if what I wrote counts so uhhhhhhh
Read the whole series: I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair // I hate the way you drive my car // I hate it when you stare // I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind // I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme // I hate the way you’re always right // I hate it when you lie // I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry // I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call // But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all
I really do have work to do for my class at 2:30 tomorrow but instead I finished this, so I hope you like this!
_______________________
“How is it bullshit? Everyone can tell that we’re in love with each other.”
“So, what, because other people believe it, that automatically means it’s true?”
--------------
Evelina was visiting home for the weekend for her mom’s birthday, which meant that you had the apartment to yourself. From Friday after work until Sunday night, you were free to do whatever you wanted by yourself. Or, you thought you were going to be doing whatever you wanted until your boss texted you saying that he wanted your project finished by Monday so you could present it that afternoon. That meant you were posted up on the couch, your hair tied in a bun on top of your head, a mug full of coffee, another of tea, and a cup with water all in front of you, the blanket normally on the back of your couch now draped over your shoulders. It was a full call to the hungover days you had back in undergrad when you woke up late and were struggling to finish the work you had due the next morning.
“It’s me!” you hear a familiar voice call from the door, snapping you out of what might have been the first and only roll you had been on working on the project.
You look up to see Matthew coming over the couch, plastic bags in hand to plop down on the table. “Remind me to change the locks.”
“That would mean you have to get up to let me in, though,” he sends a wink in your direction.
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, even though you felt butterflies throughout your entire body at the sight of him looking so comfortable next to you. It was just because he’s a guy, not because it’s Matthew. You let out a quiet sigh as he fiddles with the remote to your TV. “Who says I wouldn’t leave you in the hallway? Plus, I thought you were supposed to have practice today?” you ask, trying to focus more on your project than on him.
“We’re done, and we don’t have a game for three days for once, so we’re resting up. I figured, why not come see my favorite girl?” he says, resting his hand on your shin once your drape your legs over his lap.
“Because Taryn is in St. Louis so you settled for me instead?”
He scoffs, slowly running his hand up and down your bare leg while his eyes fixate on the television screen. He had to be able to feel the goosebumps that he was causing with his touch. “Fine, my favorite girl in Calgary unless Taryn is visiting, are you happy?”
“Am I ever happy when I’m around you?” you tease, lifting only your eyes from your screen to look at him. Still staring at the TV, you can see the smile on his face, but it almost looks like his jaw is clenching, like he’s fighting saying something back.
“And how could I not be happy around you when you treat me like that?” Your eyes linger for a second on his smile before scanning the rest of his body. Even under the long-sleeved dry fit shirt he was wearing, you could see the outline of the muscles that graced his abdomen. His arms looked like they were begging to rip the seam of the shirt, and you wanted nothing more than to take it off of him and just let them free. “Do you like what you see, babe?” you hear him say, snapping you out of the thoughts you were convincing yourself meant nothing as he was looking at you out of the corner of his eye.
“I’m trying to picture you as a more attractive guy,” you lie, “It would be so nice if Elias were here, wouldn’t it?”
“If you’re implying that you want a threesome, then I don’t think I could do it with a teammate,” he laughs, his fingers tightening around your shin. Would Elias be better than Matthew? Any guy would be better than Matthew, you tell yourself. He’s your best friend, and nothing more.
“What have I said about being crude?” you ask him, fixating your eyes on the way he’s biting his bottom lip. “I think I’m gonna go get my headphones so I can do this project.” You bolt from the living room to your bedroom, leaving Matthew there by himself while you search for your phone in a panic.
“Hey, is everything ok?” Evelina says on the other end of the phone call as you try to search for your AirPods in the mess that was your room.
“No, Matthew is here.”
“And that’s bad because?” she asks, drawing out her last word.
Groaning, you drop your phone on your desk, prompting Matthew to call to you asking if you were ok. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Turning back to Evelina, clearly in a panic that she could hear in your voice, “Matthew is here and I think I’m horny.”
“You’re always horny for him because you’re in love with him.”
“I’m not in love with him and I’m honry because I haven’t been touched by a man in like, three months. It’s starvation.”
You hear her groan on the other end, her parents voices in the background. “Hold on, I need to go into another room,” she says. “Ok, so you really told me two days when you got home that you and Matthew nearly fucked in public in the liquor store. You have been touched by a man. He was also practically feeling you up at the bar a week ago, might I remind you.”
“I don’t love him,” you say, unprompted, “And he never even kissed me.”
“Says that hickey that you somehow didn’t notice he gave you?” she says, you turning to your mirror to touch the mark she was talking about. You honestly didn’t know it was there until she said something to you when you walked in the door. “If you don’t love him, why don’t you just tell him to leave?”
“I want company and he’s the only thing I have when you aren’t here. Really, this is all your fault.”
“That was so sweet until you blamed me. If you don’t want him to leave then what’s the problem?”
“Horny,” you say at the same time. “Either do something about it or control yourself, babe, but I’ve gotta go. Miss you, love you,” she says, hanging up when you finally find your AirPods.
Pulling up your playlist so it’s already playing when you get to Matthew, you don’t even look at him as you take your computer back in your lap and throw your legs in his. You can feel his eyes tracing the outline of your body even under the baggy sweatshirt you had on from a college you never went to.
You had worked for what was probably a solid half hour, Matthew mindlessly rubbing his hand on your leg like he did before, you needing to do everything in your power to stop from thinking about and wanting more. You were interrupted by Matthew reaching over and tugging on the hem of your shorts. “Are you really listening to Christmas music right now?”
“Is it that loud?” you ask, turning the volume down immediately.
“No, I can read your lips. You were mouthing ‘Feliz Navidad,’ and ‘Sleigh Ride.’”
“Oh, then, yes,” your cheeks flushed with embarrassment that you didn’t even realize you were doing that.
“It’s March, babe.”
“Ok, but Christmas music is fine year round.”
“No?” he questions.
“So I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong,” you start, moving your computer to the table so you don’t drop it, provoking a laugh to escape from his lips, “While I don’t agree with all things in Catholic and the broader Christian doctrine, there are things I can agree with basically because they are up for interpretation, so I interpret them in the way I like. Take, for example, the ninth commandment: love thy neighbor. Some people take it as a literal ‘love thy neighbor’ as in ‘be a good neighbor,’ to the ones who live next door, but I think it’s a matter of caring for those around you, neighbor not being the person immediately next to you wherever you live, but just other people in general.”
“What is your point?” he asks, a devilish grin spread across his face.
“My point is that the Bible, which is the end all be all of Catholic doctrine according to some people, is up for interpretation and people use it the way that benefits them, no matter how wrong they normally are. In Hebrews 13:15, it says, “Through him let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name,” thereby, justifying and promoting listening to Christmas music year round. It praises Jesus, who is one of the persons that make up God, and doing year round is continuous.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works.”
“Hey, if people can be assholes and use a 2,000 year old book to try to wrongly justify their bigotry and homophobia, why can’t I use it to rightly justify my listening to christmas music all year?”
“Are you Catholic?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn about it and keep the things that I like with me. I’m not Jesuit but I follow their ideals like ‘care for the whole person’ and ‘be a man or woman with and for other.’ And Evelina’s parents are very religious, so we kind of put up a front whenever they visit to please them. They still think we go to Mass every Sunday.”
“Is that why there’s sometimes a crucifix by the door?” he asks, you nodding along. “And that weird Jesus magnet where he has a chefs hat and it says ‘fish and bread are served’ underneath him?”
“Yeah, I think her dad superglued that to the fridge because no matter how many times we’ve tried to get it off it won’t budge. Plus it’s a reference to another Bible passage.”
“I went to a Catholic high school, remember? I already knew that.” You can’t help but return the smile he was sending your way, this time your eyes flicking down to his lips, you unsure if his were doing the same. You snap out of it, biting your lip and making eye contact with Matthew, both of you breathing slightly unevenly at just thinking about what you could do with each other. Was Evelina right that you two loved each other?
No, she couldn’t be right, because you didn’t love him. You pick your computer back up to get back to work, not saying another word as Matthew turned back to the TV. You hit a deadend, finding yourself back to staring at Matthew’s perfect face while his eyes narrowed and a small smirk formed on his lips at something funny on whatever movie or show he was watching.
“Ugh, fuck,” you groan, Matthew’s head snapping to your direction as you cover your face with your hands. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
He reaches over and pulls your hands from your face, intertwining his fingers in yours. “Take a break, I brought food for us.”
“You didn’t cook it yourself, did you?” you ask. The last time he had made food for you, you were sick for a week from what you’re sure was food poisoning from something being undercooked.
He laughs, the pad of his thumb rubbing your palms. You could feel your breathing get shallow by this, trying to ignore it while he’s talking to you. “No, I got it from the store down the road, already made. Mac and Cheese!” he says, pulling it out of the bag.
You roll your eyes at his stupidity. “Matthew, we’ve been sitting here for over two hours, why would you leave that on the table instead of in the fridge?”
“It’s still warm!” he argues, opening it, “Oh and it smells so bad.” You burst out laughing as he cringes, closing it immediately. “I’ll order something else.”
You get up to go throw out the now rancid mac and cheese in the kitchen. “Hey, where do you want to order from?” you hear Matthew call, walking into the kitchen behind you.
The list.
It’s on the fridge.
Practically throwing yourself at it to try to tear it down in time, you rip it off the fridge and fold it up in your hand just in time for Matthew to come in. “Are you ok?” he asks you, noticing your slightly faster breathing and your hands behind your back.
“Yeah, the smell was just bad,” you lie to him, shoving the list in the band of your shorts. “And I was looking at the Jesus magnet.”
“That thing is so creepy,” he says, both of you looking at it. Knowing Matthew, you try as discreetly as possible to move the paper to your front so he can’t feel it as he inevitably presses his front to your back, his arms draping over your shoulders. Without thinking, you reach up to touch his hands as he rests his head on yours. “It’s way too white to be Jesus.”
His arms move their way down your body, settling around your waist as he starts to nibble at your ear. “God, you are so sexy,” you hear him let out.
“You’re awfully handsy lately, aren’t you Matty?”
“Oh come on,” he says, turning you around to face him, practically pinning you against the fridge, “You know we’re always like this with each other.”
You smile at him, cupping his face in your hands as you run the pads of your thumbs along his cheeks. “We have a weird...” you start, trying to figure out the right word to describe whatever it was you had with him, “friendship,” you settle on, not exactly liking the word yourself as your tried to hide the cringe you were sure was appearing on your face.
He swallows hard at that word. Even relationship would have been better, even if it were more broad than ‘friendship.’ At least it wasn’t such a narrow word. It felt like even if you didn’t finish the list you didn’t know he knew about, you would never see him as more than a friend. “Well, that’s what makes it my favorite friendship.”
The two of you stand there for a minute, holding each other and gazing into the others eyes. You could feel your breathing slow down studying Matthew’s facial features again, thinking only of how perfect they looked to you in that moment. “We should figure out where we’re getting food from,” you say, dragging your hands down his chest before dropping him all together.
He could have stared at you like that forever. He really couldn’t think of anyone more perfect than you, anyone he would want to look at besides you. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks, moving over to the counter. Opening your fridge, you remember you still have the list folded in the band of your shorts, throwing it in before grabbing some water out. “What did you just throw in there?” Matthew asked you, having watched your every move.
“Uh, Evelina and I have this weird list that we’re putting together, it didn’t feel right to have Jesus looking over it all of a sudden,” you tell him, “But now that you had mac and cheese on my mind, I kind of want that.”
“Oh, no, you’re not changing the subject that easily,” he says, trying to reach around you to open the fridge.
“No, come on, it’s mostly Evelina’s and I don’t know if she would want you seeing it,” you lie, batting your eyes at him and trying to contort your face to make it look like you would cry if he tried anything else. He couldn’t see the list of things you hate about it. He couldn’t find out about it.
He sighs, knowing he wasn’t going to win this one. “I ordered you mac and cheese but I’ll pay for it if you tell me the subject of the list?” he tries to bargain.
“Uh, it’s a list of kinks,” you lie, not knowing what else to say, and usure why that was the first thing that came to mind.
His eyes go wide, pretending to be shocked. It was the list of ten things you hate about him. It had to be. He grins anyway, trying to hide the pain he felt knowing that the list was already started, and probably nearly finished at this point, “Are any of them your kinks?”
“Yeah,” you start to lie to him again, a grin on your face, “One of them says, ‘When Matthew leaves me alone.’”
He scrunches up his face, pretending to be hurt by your comment as he walks back to your living room. “Oh you know just how to break my heart, pretty girl.” You follow him, plopping down next to him on your couch.
You pick up your computer, snuggling into his shoulder as he wraps his arm around you. “I have no desire to do this project.”
“Why don’t we watch something on TV then and you can work again after we eat?” he suggests. You nod, putting the computer back down, surrendering to his pout. You feel him kiss the top of your head, scrolling through the channels. “What about Lilo and Stitch?” he asks when he finds it on one of the channels.
“Ugh, I love this movie, but the American treatment of Hawaiians is awful, and I just can’t help but think about it every time I watch,” you say, thinking you were being annoying. “Sorry,” you apologize. Evelina was used to your rants, even if you were sure she normally tuned them out. You didn’t think Matthew wanted to listen to another rant from you.
“Don’t get me started?” he asks, referring to the game you and the guys played at the bar.
“Don’t get me started on the American colonization of Hawaii. The Cookes’ went to Hawaii and pretty much obliterated the royal bloodline. The king of Hawaii had the Cookes build boarding schools for the royal children, with good intentions that they would be able to educate his children on royal customs to effectively rule their land. Instead, the Cookes took the Hawaiian customs and told them they were wrong, imparting their own customs on them, instead. They wanted he land for America, they wanted to eliminate the Hawaiian culture and make them as American as possible,” you say. “The Hawaiian people were a very sex positive people, but oh no, American Catholic education and their ‘no sex is the safest sex’ ideal stopped the children from living the lives they grew up expected to live. If a boy was found in a girls room doing anything in these boarding schools, they would beat the children as punishment, and probably other things that weren't even recorded. There are actually a decent number of Wikipedia pages that have had this information erased, like when you go back into the edit history. The sources, as they claimed, weren’t valid, but in reality they weren’t the Cookes’ American-centric description of these schools. They even went so far as introducing sports into the schools as ‘an antidote to the worst evil of all: sexual promiscuity,’” you comment, drawing a laugh from Matthew. “Because we all know how much athletes hate sex, right?”
You look up at Matthew, him beaming down at you as Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride starts ironically playing in the background, “Yeah, we hate that,” he whispers. You swallow hard, trying to ignore any feelings that might be coming up at the sight of Matthew biting his bottom lip.
“American’s always just insert themselves where they don’t belong,” you finish, settling your head back onto his shoulder as he pulls you closer to him.
“Why do you know all of this?” he asks.
You shrug, not really sure how to answer, “I don’t know. When I’m doing work I see one word and it sends my mind into this never ending tangent and I end up looking up stuff online and reading for hours.”
“You really are the smartest person I know,” he says with a sigh, “Why hasn’t Ev told her parents about hiding the Catholic stuff until they come?”
You shrug, “I don’t know. I never asked, she just told me it was something she needed to do, so I did it with her. That’s her own cross to bear,” you say, taking a minute to realize the really bad pun you just made. “Ah! See what I did there!” you practically yell, Matthew groaning.
“On that note, I think I need to leave,” he jokes, getting up off the couch.
“Oh, come on, no!” you beg, taking him by the hand and trying to drag him back down to the couch. “I don’t want you to leave,” you let out as he pulls you off the couch.
“Really?” he asks you, sitting back down on the couch, your hands still connected.
Standing over him you nod as he pulls you into his lap, straddling him. He pulls you as close to him as you can, your hands wrapped around the back of his neck. Your mind flashes back to the liquor store, the feeling that came over you as he worked his way along your body like you had a feeling he was about to do again.
“Come on Matthew, you know this isn’t something we do,” you tease, even though you can’t help but look at his lips, the urge to kiss him creeping up on you as you tried desperately to suppress it. If any guy had taken you into his lap like Matthew just did, you would want to do the same thing. You were just desperate for a man, not desperate for Matthew.
“We can’t do anything?” he teases, going for your neck again. You let out a moan, praying that he doesn’t leave any more marks that you’ll have to cover up later.
“Wait,” you say to him, pulling him off of you. He looks slightly upset, not sure what to do next. ‘Ah, fuck it,’ you think to yourself, pulling his shirt off over his head, tossing it to the side and returning the favor of the hickey he gave you. You suck on his skin, listening to the moans that escaped from his lips this time, feeling him grow hard the longer you were at it. He clenches his hands on your butt, pulling you even closer to him. You work your way up his neck and to his jaw, his grip getting tighter the closer you were to his lips. You had no idea what was coming over you and causing you to want to do this, but nothing in that moment felt better. Nothing in your life had ever felt better as you kissed his face the way he did to you the other day, hearing him moan more and more with every connection you made.
Your lips are millimeters from his, both of you practically begging the other for connection when you’re startled by the sound of Matthew’s phone ringing. You both laugh, foreheads pressed together. One more second and it would have happened. “I think that means our food is here.”
“Perfect fucking timing,” he mutters, not loud enough for you to hear as you get up to go grab the food. He couldn’t believe you just did that. He checks his neck in his phone camera, seeing it littered with the red marks you had left for him. He reaches up to touch them, smiling for some reason. There’s no way this list would work against him, would it?
You come back, him practically throwing his phone so you don’t see what he’s doing, settling down on the couch with each other eating the food. Your mind starts racing with thoughts about what just happened. There was no way you really wanted that, did you? Well, you wanted a man’s touch, but it didn’t necessarily have to be Matthew. It could be any guy.
‘I have another thing for the list,’ you text Evelina, your eyes moving between your phone screen and his hands holding his food, careful not to look up at his face.
‘Good, god, what?’
‘I hate the way he stares,’ you send her, finally looking up, not taking your eyes off Matthew as the two of you can’t help but stare at each other.
#matthew tkachuk#matthew tkachuk imagines#calgary flames#calgary flames imagines#flames#flames imagines#nhl#nhl imagines#hockey#hockey imagines
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Ozone 🦋
‘I need some reasons to live, maybe you could show me some.’
Phases - Hwang Hyunjin X Chase Atlantic
Rating: M (heavy angst, fluff, slightly suggestive)
Warnings: substance abuse, drug addiction, depression and discussion of suicidal behaviours/thoughts, toxic relationship, mention of alcohol, strong language
Word Count: 9.3k+
a/n: and here is the third (and my favourite) part of phases, my hhjxchaseatlantic series! please proceed with caution because this fic contains some serious and potentially triggering topics! I really hope you guys enjoy this, lmk what you think and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist! the biggest thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess for proofreading this, love you sis xo
taglist 🦋: @diue @shesfuckedinthehead @danyxthirstae01 @linours @titleisyettobemade @jikooksgirl19 @straytannies @silverlightprincess
‘I’m so sorry, Chaer, I gotta go, they’re blowing up my phone, I-’ ‘It’s okay, y/n, don’t worry about it. I’ll finish my story after,’ Chaeryeong says softly, patting the other girl’s shoulder comfortingly, and she mirrors Chaeryeong’s smile as she gets up from the table, trying to leave without Lia noticing her. She needs to be quick because she doesn’t wanna miss anything, so she slips around the edges of the room, hoping not to get caught in a conversation with one of Lia’s drunk uncles.
The sun is just beginning to set, the sky streaked with the most beautiful pastel colours, and a gentle breeze blows, kissing her exposed skin. The dresses Lia chose for them are so gorgeous – sea blue layers of floaty chiffon with thin straps and leg slits – and they’re perfect for this warm summer evening. The doorman offers her his arm to help her, and her heels click against the front steps of the manor house that Lia’s family have rented. She continues walking, right onto the grass, to make sure she’s stood a sufficient distance from the front door and the staff, not wanting anyone to overhear her conversation.
‘Where the fuck are you guys? The speeches are done, they’re about to serve the starters, and you idiots still aren’t here!’ she hisses angrily down the phone, Jisung silent for a moment before he says, ‘If any of you had answered your phones, then you’d know where we’ve been. And anyway, don’t blame all of us. It’s your idiot boyfriend that’s the problem.’ She takes a deep breath, already feeling her eyes fill with tears. ‘He’s not my boyfriend.’ ‘Okay, well, whatever the fuck he is to you.’ ‘It doesn’t matter what he is to me – he’s your best friend. But anyway, what’s he done?’ ‘He’s blown out his mind again. Taken so many xans that I’m surprised he hasn’t passed out.’
She takes a deep breath, trying not to scream, and closes her eyes for a moment to compose herself. ‘Where are you?’ ‘At your place. We went straight there after the ceremony, to pick up the present like you asked, but he decided to pop a few while he waited in the car. They haven’t fully kicked in yet, so we’re waiting for him to get over the peak.’ ‘No, you can’t wait. You’re gonna have to just bring him.’
‘…y/n, are you insane? He’s gonna be higher than a kite in, like, 30 minutes!’ ‘I know, but you can’t miss this! You already missed the speeches, and Lia will start asking where you guys are soon. Our table is literally right at the front of the room, and there are four empty seats. It’s very noticeable, and very embarrassing that four of her closest friends are a no-show at her wedding!’ ‘Yeah, but we can’t bring him while he’s like this!’ ‘We’ll leave him in the car and take turns to look after him until he’s come down.’ ‘Seriously?’ ‘Yes! It’s better than you guys missing her wedding! Get here now.’ ‘Okay, okay, we’re on our way. We’ll be there in 20.’ ‘Make it 15.’ ‘y/n-’ ‘I’m not kidding, Sung!’ ‘Fine, 15. You’re paying any speed tickets, though.’ ‘Fine, whatever, just get here.’
The line clicks off and she blinks a few times to clear her vision before heading back up into the big ballroom, slipping back to her seat. ‘Where are they?’ Yeji asks the second she sits down, all of them waiting for her answer. ‘Hyunjin got high, so they were waiting for him to come back down before they came,’ she says quietly, embarrassed at his behaviour, and all of her friends look furious.
‘Is he fucking kidding? On Lia’s wedding day? How fucking selfish can he be?’ Ryujin hisses angrily, and all she can do is nod in agreement. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him. But I told them to come anyway, and he can just wait in the car. It’s not fair that the other three should miss Lia’s big day because of him,’ she says softly, none of them wanting any of the other wedding guests to hear.
‘I swear to God, y/n, you need to drop him. He’s a fucking waste of space, and I’m sick of his bullshit,’ Chaeryeong says, and the other girl doesn’t say anything, looking at the empty seat beside her with thinly veiled misery. ‘Um, he’s our friend,’ Minho says, the girls turning their irritated gazes to him. ‘He’s our friend too, but it doesn’t mean what they said isn’t true. He is a waste of space, and we are sick of his bullshit,’ Yeji says softly, the boys exchanging glances before nodding in agreement. ‘Yeah, I guess. We just… feel bad for him,’ Changbin says, and Yuna scoffs. ‘Yeah, I did too. When we were in high school. We’re adults now, and we all have our lives together. He’s the only one that doesn’t. He needs to grow up like the rest of us,’ she says drily, everyone on the table in agreement that he’s a total mess.
It’s all too much for her, hearing all of this out loud, and she gets up from the table suddenly, all of them turning their gazes to her, guilt and concern appearing on their faces. ‘y/n, are y-’ ‘I’m fine, I just… gotta… go,’ she says faintly, getting up and heading towards the exit, stumbling out into the corridor with tears filling her eyes again. She makes her way to the bathroom on shaky legs, smiling weakly at Lia’s aunties that are congregated by the mirrors, gossiping about so-and-so’s dress and so-and-so’s new haircut.
She locks herself into a cubicle and checks Jisung’s location on her phone, breathing a sigh of relief when she sees his little dot moving closer to her own. She takes a minute to calm herself down, trying not to let their words about the boy she’s in love with replay in her mind, but she can’t help it. He is selfish, and a waste of space. It may be hard to hear, but it’s all true, and he’s never done anything to prove otherwise, never even attempted to show everyone they’re wrong about him. He’s a mess, and he knows it just as well as everyone else does.
She doesn’t know how long she’s sat on the lid of the toilet, watching Jisung’s dot on her phone, but when she finally leaves the cubicle, the bathroom is completely empty and eerily quiet. She stares at herself in the mirror for a while, and a small but genuine smile appears on her face at her reflection. She woke up super early this morning to make sure she looked especially nice, and she definitely achieved it – her makeup is flawless despite the tears that have threatened to spill twice already today, and her hair is perfect, unaffected by the slight breeze that’s been blowing since this morning.
She rolls her shoulders and neck to release some of the tension in her body, the crack of her bones echoing in the empty room. She puts her phone on the side, washing her hands with the expensive jasmine hand-soap, and just as she finishes drying her hands, the door opens. ‘Ah, y/n! My darling, you look gorgeous!’ Lia’s grandmother says with a big smile, the girl letting out a little exclamation of excitement as she wraps her arms around the small woman. ‘Thank you, Mrs Choi! And you look gorgeous too!’ ‘Oh, thank you, dear! Lia chose this dress for me – it seems she has an eye for good dresses, doesn’t she? You all looked so lovely stood beside her in your beautiful dresses earlier.’ ‘Not as lovely as the bride herself, of course.’ ‘Of course, of course! She looks stunning. I feel like I’ve been on the verge of tears all day,’ Lia’s grandmother laughs, and the girl truly means it when she says, ‘me too.’
‘It is an emotional day indeed. I look forward to the day that you get married, y/n. I’ll be able to spend the day getting a little too drunk like your grandmother has today,’ Mrs Choi gossips, the two of them giggling together. ‘I look forward to that day too, Mrs Choi. Lia’s wedding has just made me so much more excited for my own. I can’t wait.’ ‘Well, I don’t think you’ll have to wait too long.’ ‘Um… I’m not so sure about that,’ the girl says, getting a suspicious look in response. ‘Don’t tell me you and Hyunjin have broken up.’ ‘We’ve never been together, which isn’t even the start of our problems. He’s… just an idiot.’ ‘All boys are idiots, y/n. The sooner you come to terms with it, the better.’ ‘He’s more of an idiot than the rest of them, Mrs Choi. He’s not even my boyfriend, and I’m just fed up of him,’ she vents, Lia’s grandmother raising an eyebrow at her.
‘Sweetheart, does somebody need to have a word with the little shit? Because if he’s going around behind your back, Mr Choi will s-’ ‘No, he’s not… going around behind my back. He just hasn’t got his life together and it’s starting to really affect our relationship, if I can even call it that.’ ‘Oh, dear. Maybe you’re better off without him.’ ‘I am better off without him.’ ‘Well, I’m glad you know it. The day you decide to actually do something about it, let me know. Lia’s got some single cousins an-’ ‘Thank you for the offer, Mrs Choi, but I don’t need you to matchmake for me.’ ‘You say that now, but just wait,’ Lia’s grandmother says with a mischievous grin, the girl rolling her eyes amusedly. ‘We’ll see.’ ‘We shall. Now you go back and join your friends, sweetheart. I’ll catch you on the dancefloor later,’ the old lady says with a little shake of her hips, the girl bursting into laughter as she heads out of the bathroom.
She checks Jisung’s location again, and he’s only a couple minutes away, so she heads back out to the front of the manor house, admiring the vast grounds with its high trees, vibrant flowers and clear lake as she waits for them to arrive. As soon as she sees the car, she heads towards the driveway, the doorman helping her down the steps again. The second the boys start getting out of the car, she begins fussing about them. They all look dishevelled, and she’d rather not know why.
‘Don’t any of you know how to answer your damn phones?’ Felix says with half-hearted annoyance, letting the girl tighten his tie around his neck. ‘Lia’s family were doing their speeches, and then everyone was coming around and greeting us, so we couldn’t exactly start talking to you idiots on the phone.’ ‘We’re not the idiots, y/n,’ Seungmin says drily, standing still to let her straighten the flower on his lapel. ‘I know,’ she says softly, not even wanting to look in the car and see him. ‘How is he anyway?’ ‘He’s at his peak, so he should be near sober in about an hour, hour and a half,’ Jisung says, rolling his eyes as the girl fixes his hair. ‘Right, fine. We’ll come get him in an hour then. Let’s go.’
‘Woah, woah, hold on. We can’t just leave him in the car by himself,’ Seungmin says, and she raises an eyebrow at him. ‘Why not? If he doesn’t wanna be left in a car by himself, he shouldn’t get high before our best friend’s wedding reception.’ ‘Yeah, I get that, but what if he does something stupid?’ Felix asks, the girl sighing. ‘What do you suggest then?’ ‘We’ll… take shifts watching him. I’ll go first,’ Jisung says, and she shakes her head with wide eyes. ‘Are you insane? You need to go in and say hi to everyone, and then send someone else out, one of the boys. I’ll keep an eye on him for now,’ she says reluctantly, the boys exchanging a glance.
‘If there’s anyone that shouldn’t do a shift, y/n, it’s you.’ ‘Yeah, I know that, Jisung, but no one else is here, so it’ll have to be me. Just go, stop wasting time. If anyone asks where he is, say he’s really ill and he’s sleeping it off in the car,’ she says quickly, taking the car keys from Seungmin and shooing them away, watching as they head up towards the house. ‘You look very hot, by the way! As always!’ Jisung shouts over his shoulder with a grin and she rolls her eyes at him, flattered but most certainly not in the mood. ‘Miss, would you like me to take the car around to the car park for you?’ the valet says, suddenly appearing by her side, and she jumps slightly in surprise. ‘Um, actually… my friend’s still in the car – he’s not very well so we’re just gonna get him to sleep it off and take turns keeping an eye on him. Is there anywhere we can park the car where it’s closer to the house?’ she asks, and the valet thinks for a moment. ‘There’s a little clearing over this side of the house, Miss. I can drive the car there if you’d like,’ he offers, the girl nodding and handing him the keys.
She follows behind the car, walking carefully along the gravel, and thanks the valet profusely as he hands the keys back to her. She wonders whether or not she should get into the car, but the decision is made for her when Hyunjin rolls down the back window, looking at her with an unreadable expression, the whites of his eyes discoloured with red and his bottom lip split. That explains why the boys were all looking dishevelled – they must have gotten into a… scuffle with him. She doesn’t say anything, looking away from him after a moment, and he chuckles. ‘Don’t I get a lecture?’ he asks amusedly, and she doesn’t even dignify his question with a response. ‘Silent treatment?’ ‘Shut the fuck up, Hyunjin.’ He just chuckles in response, and she wants nothing more than to land a heavy punch on his annoyingly perfect face. Instead, she leans against the car and looks down at her phone, scrolling unseeingly through the pictures that Jeongin took of the girls earlier.
‘Why are you always so high-strung, babe? Just relax. Take a xanny,’ he says, smile audible in his voice, and she looks at him with pure disgust. ‘It’s not funny. Not one thing about this is funny.’ ‘It’s a little bit funny.’ ‘You’re fucking sick in the head,’ she spits angrily, and he looks taken aback for a moment, quickly smoothing out his features into that arrogant expression he wears all the time. ‘Wow, that’s harsh. What have I done to you? It’s Lia’s wedding – she’s the only one that can be angry with me,’ he says amusedly, and she feels her eyes filling with tears again. ‘No, actually, I can be angry at you too. It’s fucking humiliating having everyone look at the empty seat next to mine, your empty seat, wondering where the fuck my dirtbag of a boyfriend is!’
‘I’m not your boyfriend,’ he says quickly, the girl letting out a humourless laugh, furious that that’s the thing he decides to address. ‘Yeah, you’ve made that pretty fucking obvious.’ ‘Listen, y/n, I don’t get why you’re so upset that the seat next to you is empty. Just… move seats,’ he grins, as though it’s simple, and she wants to rip his soft black hair out of his stupid head. ‘That’s not the problem, Hyunjin. It’s a lonely feeling.’ ‘You’re sat with your best friends. They’re keeping you company. How can you say you’re lonely?’ ‘They’re all sat next to their boyfriends and girlfriends. The only empty seat on the table, now that the other three are there, is the one next to mine. It’s lonely because they all have their significant others there.’ ‘Well, maybe you should get a boyfriend then. It’s not my fault that you’re single,’ he smiles serenely, and she feels her heart break.
He just called her single. They’ve been messing around since high school, and never have either of them said that they’re single. It was always ‘it’s complicated’, or ‘yeah, we’re kinda together’, or even ‘I’m seeing someone’. Never that they’re single. And he knows that. He’s saying it on purpose, to hurt her – she’s sure of it – and she’s never hated him more than in this moment. Her eyes shine with tears and he just looks back at her smugly with his slightly bloodshot eyes. His body is so accustomed to being high that it’s only ever his eyes that change. His body is never slow or sluggish, his words are never slurred, he never becomes uncoordinated or dizzy. The only sign of him being up in the clouds is his eyes being tinged with a little red.
Changbin appears, almost out of nowhere, and he looks between them with silent concern. ‘Does Lia know anything?’ Hyunjin asks, directing the question at both of them, but the girl ignores him. ‘No. She’s not stupid, though – she’ll realise soon enough,’ Changbin says with no warmth or kindness, and Hyunjin almost looks guilty when he asks, ‘Are you gonna cover for me?’ ‘We’re not gonna ruin her wedding day. So… yeah, we’ll have to cover for you,’ Changbin answers quietly, and the girl lets out a little humourless laugh. ‘You fucking owe us one, you piece of shit.’ ‘I owe you all more than just one. Especially you, y/n. I owe you hundreds. You never stop doing things for me,’ he says with a grin, as though it’s something to be proud of, and it makes her feel sick – it’s like he’s mocking her, making her seem like she’s just his little fan, who follows him around and does whatever he asks.
‘You head back inside, y/n. I’ll stay with this dickhead,’ Changbin says softly, putting a gentle hand on her arm, and she nods, not wasting another moment before heading towards the front of the manor. ‘Tell whoever’s on the next shift to bring me a bottle of vodka!’ Hyunjin calls after the girl and she bites down on her lip, to stop herself from both screaming at him and bursting into tears, feeling that Changbin’s ‘shut your fucking mouth before I shove my fist in it, you fucking moron’ is more than enough of a scolding.
When she re-enters the ballroom, the atmosphere has livened up considerably, the guests beginning to mix between tables, the music a little louder and the lights a little lower. She heads back to the table with her friends, Lia sat there, and she feels a little bit of panic when Lia spots her, the bride’s eyes narrowing. ‘What’s going on with him?’ Lia asks the second the other girl sits down, and she waits for her response with a raised eyebrow, the others on the table silent. ‘These guys already told you, right?’ ‘No, they didn’t. They’re saying that nothing’s wrong, which is bullshit. What’s going on, y/n?’ The girl decides she’s not gonna lie for him, she’s not gonna cover for him anymore, and she takes a deep sigh before saying, ‘he’s high, Lia. I’m sorry.’
Lia shakes her head disappointedly, sadness in her eyes, but there isn’t one hint of surprise in her reaction at all, which hurts. No one’s ever surprised by his behaviour. No one ever expects anything better of him. No one ever thinks he might make a change, but it’s probably because he never will.
‘I even told him he could get high after my family are all gone. They’re leaving at 9 and then we’ve got the place to ourselves all night. He just had to wait a few more hours,’ Lia says angrily, the others all shaking their heads in mutual disappointment. ‘Where is he? I wanna speak to him,’ she says abruptly, getting up from her seat without a second’s hesitation, and all her friends exchange alarmed glances. ‘Woah, Lia, hold on. Changbin’s with him, but you can’t go. It’s your wedding – you can’t just disappear,’ Yeji says, and Lia looks like she’s debating it with herself.
‘I… I wanna go and speak to him so bad. I don’t know whether I wanna knock him out or give him a hug, but I just need to see him,’ she says distractedly, as though her thoughts are too loud for her to focus on her words, and the others look at her with incredulity. ‘You wanna hug him?’ Jeongin asks disbelievingly, voicing all of their thoughts, and she lets out an exasperated sigh. ‘You guys are all so quick to get angry at him. Do you never stop to wonder why he’s always high or drunk?’ she asks, sitting back down again, and everyone rolls their eyes.
‘Lia, it’s nice of you to be concerned about him, but I really wouldn’t try and think about him in a psychological way. He’s too far gone for our help now. I mean, it’s literally your wedding day, and he couldn’t stay sober,’ Ryujin says slowly, and Lia’s eyes widen. ‘But that’s what I’m trying to say! It’s my wedding day… and he couldn’t stay sober. Why has nobody stopped to think about that? What is hurting him so much that he couldn’t stay sober for his best friend’s wedding?’ Lia says slowly, her friends silent as her words sink in, and their anger is quickly replaced by panic and guilt.
‘y/n, has he… spoken to you at all? Mentioned anything to you? I know you two aren’t exactly… well, I don’t even know what you are, but he confides in you more than anyone else,’ Minho says gently, and the girl tries to quieten her concerns, thinking back to anything she should’ve noticed. ‘I can’t think of anything. I mean… there’s the usual stuff he’s talked about since high school – how he gets high to get rid of the pain – but nothing… out of the blue. Nothing bad enough to make him get high in the middle of Lia’s wedding,’ she says quietly, desperately wracking her brains but coming up empty-handed.
‘Maybe we should try and speak to him about it? Try and get him to talk?’ ‘He doesn’t talk, Lix. He won’t talk, to any of us. Except y/n,’ Chaeryeong says gently, all of them silent as they try to think. ‘Will you speak to him, y/n? I’m just worried now that Lia’s said that.’ ‘Trust me, Yuna, I’d love to speak to him, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get anything out of him. I was just with him and… he was horrible to me. Worse than he’s ever been before. I told him it isn’t a nice feeling to be sat in here with the seat next to me empty, and he said that maybe I should get a boyfriend, and it isn’t his fault that I’m single,’ she says quietly, all of them gasping in shock.
‘That’s it. I don’t give a fuck if he’s struggling or going through something difficult – that’s no excuse to be a dick.’ ‘Jisung, please, calm do-’ ‘No, Lia! How many nights has she stayed with him? How many episodes of his has she stuck by him through? How many times has she saved his damn life? Everything she’s ever done for him, and he thinks he can speak to her like that? It doesn’t run! I’m gonna kick his ass!’ Jisung says angrily, standing up, and all the others start panicking and stand up too, trying to get him to calm down. ‘Jisung, if you don’t sit your ass down and shut up, I’ll kick your ass,’ Lia hisses, all of them suddenly conscious of the stares they’re getting from the other wedding guests, and they all quickly sit back down.
‘You don’t get to choose how we deal with him. y/n does,’ Lia says calmly, all of their gazes turning to the girl in question, and she hesitates, taking a few moments to think about it. She wants nothing more than to see him get his due, for being such a dick to her for so long, but she loves him too much to abandon him, or hurt him, at a time when he could be hurting more than he ever has before.
‘We’ll carry on doing the shifts until he’s come down... and then, I’ll speak to him. Only when he’s sobered up. The next person to go out needs to take his drugs off him, if he has any – I don’t want him to take more while he’s coming down. I’ll bring him in after speaking to him,’ she says, telling them the best plan she can think of, and they all nod. ‘Okay, y/n. That’s what we’ll do. I’ll take the next shift,’ Chan says, the others volunteering themselves to look after him, and she feels herself zoning out, worrying about him again. ‘Hey, y/n. Stop stressing. We’re gonna look after him, okay? Team effort to… save Hyunjin,’ Felix says softly with a small smile, and the girl nods, convincing herself that they’ll be able to do it. That they can save Hyunjin.
‘My eyes must have been deceiving me all night, because I haven’t seen you step foot onto that dancefloor,’ Lia’s father says from where he’s appeared behind her seat, and she smiles up at him. ‘Hey, Mr Choi.’ ‘Hi, sweetheart,’ he says, sliding into the empty seat beside her. ‘Why the sad face?’ ‘Oh, I’m not sad. I’m just… reminiscing. It feels like the end of an era,’ she says, glancing over at Lia and wondering when she grew up so much. Wondering when all of them grew up so much.
‘I’ve been thinking the same thing. I can’t help but wish the time hadn’t gone so quickly. I miss those old days. When you girls would play outside for hours each day, all summer long. It feels like just yesterday that me and the other parents waved you all goodbye on your first day of high school, and here we are. At Lia’s wedding,’ he says with a sad smile, both of them watching Lia dance with the biggest smile on her face, looking radiant in her beautiful dress. ‘It feels surreal.’ ‘I completely agree. These years have just flown by – it just feels wrong that you guys are getting married and settling down. Make sure you don’t get married for a long time, y/n. I’m not ready to see you get married yet,’ he says with a grin, the girl bursting into laughter.
‘I can’t wait too long. You’re starting to get old an-’ ‘You cheeky little-’ he exclaims, hitting the girl with a napkin. Lia’s old aunties shoot them dirty looks and they try to stifle their laughter, but it only makes everything funnier, the two of them giggling into their hands like little schoolkids. ‘You might be joking, but I’m afraid you’re right, y/n. We are getting old, so don’t wait too long. I think… in ten years should be fine,’ he says with a grin, her mouth falling open. ‘Ten years? I’ll be ancient by then!’ ‘Watch your mouth,’ he says warningly, an amused glint in his eyes.
‘If I’m being totally honest, I can see you getting married next. I think someone out there will have enough sense to put a ring on you soon,’ he says, trying to sound all mystical, but he makes it sound like a threat instead, and she can’t help but laugh. ‘No, I don’t think so. I feel like I’m destined to just be a bridesmaid for the rest of my life.’ ‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous! You’ll find the right one. Maybe it’s that boyfriend of yours,’ he says tentatively, as though testing the waters, and when she remains silent, her smile slipping a little, he backtracks.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him up.’ ‘No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. It’s… silly.’ ‘I don’t think things are ever silly with you and that boy, y/n. You two seem to have problems that are more serious than any other couple I know. And you’re not even married!’ ‘We’re not even together at all, Mr Choi. He called me single today,’ she says with a sad smile, and his mouth falls open. ‘Where is he?’ he says, clenching his hands into fists menacingly, and she laughs, shaking her head. ‘No, no, it’s okay. I’ll get over it,’ she says, but he’s distracted, looking around the room.
‘Okay, seriously… where is he? I haven’t seen him all night, and I can’t see him now. And this is supposed to be his seat, right?’ he asks, obviously picking up on how the table settings in front of the seat are untouched, how he’s the first person to have sat in that seat all night, and she nods reluctantly, the man shaking his head. ‘Where is he, y/n?’ ‘He’s been an idiot, and… we’re dealing with it,’ she says vaguely, and he raises an eyebrow.
The kids have managed to hide Hyunjin’s addiction from all of their parents for years. The parents have their suspicions, of course, but it’s never been confirmed to them, because they’ve never seen him do drugs. They’ve seen him whilst he’s high, without even realising – he’s pretty much himself when he’s high, just a little hyper or chill – so he’s managed to get away with his addiction for years.
Before Mr Choi can reply, Seungmin’s voice comes from behind them. ‘y/n. You’re up,’ he says gravely, and she takes a deep breath. ‘He’s definitely okay for me to talk to him?’ she asks, Seungmin nodding. ‘I’m sorry to leave you, Mr Choi, but I gotta…’ ‘Don’t worry about it. You have my phone number so call me if something happens. Okay?’ he says, obviously wanting to intervene but not wanting to overstep, and she nods with a small smile.
The walk to the car feels like it stretches over a lifetime, her nerves growing and her legs feeling weaker with each step. It’s past sunset now, but there’s still the warm glow of a beautiful dusk over the manor grounds, the cooling air making her shiver. When she approaches Seungmin’s car, she sees that Hyunjin is sat on the boot, looking towards the lake with a blank face. She feels relief flood through her when he turns his gaze towards her and his eyes aren’t red anymore. This is him sober, or as sober as he’s been in a long time. Lia wasn’t exaggerating when she said that he’s always high or drunk – he even showed up to the ceremony this morning with the faint scent of vodka on his lips.
Neither of them say anything as she joins him, settling beside him on the boot, making sure her dress isn’t touching the floor. ‘That dress really suits you. You look… amazing,’ he murmurs quietly, looking back at the lake. ‘Thanks. And you look handsome in your suit,’ she says softly, feeling her heart flutter a little when his lips quirk up at the corners and he turns his head away with embarrassment.
He’s dressed in a standard black tux with a white shirt underneath it, but the outfit’s simplicity doesn’t stop it from accentuating his lean and slim figure nicely, the colour setting off his honey skin. His soft black hair falls over his forehead into his eyes, and silver rings adorn his long fingers. The tie hanging from his neck is the same blue as her dress, and it reminds her of when they matched his tie and her dress at high school prom all those years ago, the memory bringing a fond smile to her face.
‘Thanks,’ he says quietly, and they fall back into silence. A sudden gust of wind blows, carrying the lilt of faint birdsong, and the trees lean from its force, their leaves brushing against each other. She shivers, bringing her arms around herself, hands clutching onto her own shoulders, and he instantly begins to shrug off his jacket, handing it to her without looking in her direction. She thanks him softly, taking the jacket and pulling it around herself, feeling the echo of his body warmth in its inner lining. He rarely wears any aftershave or cologne – his natural scent is more than enough to make him smell good – but the scent of the Dior spray she bought him for his last birthday fills her senses.
‘I’m really sorry,’ he says suddenly, eyes still on the lake, and she lets out a gentle laugh. ‘It’s not me you need to apologise to. It’s not my wedding – it’s Lia’s,’ she says gently, no anger in her voice at all. She can’t be angry at him when he’s all subdued like this. ‘I know, and I owe Lia an apology too. But… I’ve owed you an apology for a long time, y/n. For so many things.’ She doesn’t say anything, not quite sure what to say, and he takes her silence as a sign to continue, neither of them looking at each other.
‘I… I’m sorry I said to you that you should get a boyfriend. I shouldn’t have called you single – it was nasty, and it wasn’t true. I don’t really know what we are, but we are something,’ he says in a small voice, sounding earnest, and she just sighs. ‘Then… why did you say it? Why did you… want to be nasty to me?’ she asks shakily, tears welling up in her eyes again, and he’s completely silent, showing no sign of answering her question.
‘I don’t understand. Every time you do these things to me, all I can think is that I just don’t understand. I deserve better than you – that’s what you say – but no matter what you do, I still want you, and I don’t understand that either. Why do I keep coming back to you when you treat me like shit? I’m doing it right now. Look how you spoke to me earlier, and I’m sat out here with you instead of being with Lia on her wedding day. Why do I do this? And why do you do this to yourself? You run from the person you need the most. No matter how much I think about it, I just don’t know why you do it. But it has to stop, Hyunjin. It has to stop,’ she says tearily, sobs breaking up her words, and he feels his heart breaking as he listens to her.
He wordlessly moves closer to her, pulling her into his arms, and she rests her head on his chest, trying her best to calm herself down as he comforts her, running his hand over her hair soothingly. ‘I was good this morning. Yeah, I took a couple shots before I left the house, but they were just to give me energy after the pills I took last night. But I was good, I was happy,’ he begins, voice quiet, and she feels a glimmer of hope at the prospect that he’s finally gonna open up to her, tell her something of substance rather than the usually vague things he tells her (she wanted to slam her head into the wall that time he spent ages building up to a big confession for it to be ‘I stay high because I don’t like being sober’).
‘And then, after the ceremony, while you guys were taking bridesmaids pictures, I overheard your parents talking to Ryujin’s parents. They were talking about how happy they are for Lia, how beautiful she looks, and then the conversation changed to you,’ he continues, tears appearing in his eyes and the girl waits nervously for the rest of the story.
He relives the moment as he tells her about it. How he heard her name come up in the conversation, his heart skipping a beat just at the mention of her, and he started listening a little more eagerly. How he couldn’t help the smile on his face when they spoke about how beautiful she’ll look on her wedding day. How he felt like he’d had his heart ripped out when her father mentioned his worries about who his daughter will marry, and how he hopes it won’t be her ‘no-good deadbeat failure of a boyfriend’ because he feels – no, he knows – that ending up with Hyunjin will mean she’ll end up heartbroken.
She bursts into tears as soon as he finishes telling her, and he’s so endeared by her reaction that he can’t help but chuckle, holding her just a little closer as the tears spill down his face. ‘Hyunjin, why didn’t you just tell me?’ she asks quietly once the sobs have stopped forcing their way up her throat. She sits back up, their shoulders touching, and he intertwines his hand with hers, a sad smile on his face. ‘What was I supposed to say? ‘I overheard your dad talking about how much he hates me and my first good mood this entire year is ruined because of it’? That’s not exactly a great conversation to have at your best friend’s wedding.’ ‘Yeah, but it’s a better conversation to have than the one we’re having right now,’ she points out, and he chuckles, nodding in agreement.
‘I know this probably won’t change anything, but you should know that my dad’s opinion on you doesn’t matter to me-’ ‘But, y/n, it’s true. He’s right. I am a no-good deadbeat failure. My life is meaningless. I don’t bring anything to the table. I don’t contribute anything positive to your life, to anyone’s life. You probably would end up heartbroken if you married me. Which is why you can’t marry me. You can’t be with me, y/n. I know I say this all the time, but you do deserve better than someone like me. I wish I was more of a man, but I’m not. All I do is neglect you, and put myself above you,’ he says softly, and she just stares at him with such an intense mix of emotions – anger, sorrow, guilt, hurt, confusion, longing – that she doesn’t even know what to say.
‘But I love you,’ she whispers eventually, and he brushes back her hair with an affectionate smile. ‘And I love you too. More than I have ever loved anything. More than anyone has ever loved anything. You are my entire life, y/n. And that’s the problem. My life is you, drugs and alcohol. You have so much more in your life – you have such a potential for success – but being with me will only drag you down. It’s what I’m already doing to you – slowly dragging you down.’ ‘But Hyunjin, you have such a potential for success too! You could have so much fulfilment in your life. You could be so much more.’ ‘But I’m not, and I don’t think I ever will be. I don’t think I’ll ever get sober,’ he whispers hesitantly, fear in his eyes, and it’s so clear to her in that moment that he hates this. The thought of living like this for the rest of his life scares him, but he feels like there’s nothing he can do to change that.
She’s silent for a moment, debating whether or not she should say what she wants to say, but she throws caution to wind and decides to contradict everything she and their friends have been saying to him for years. ‘You don’t have to get sober,’ she says slowly, his eyes widening. ‘What?’ ‘I know I’ve been saying that you need to get sober, but I’ve been thinking about it, and… it’s like weight-loss,’ she says, the boy laughing. ‘Getting sober is like weight-loss?’ ‘Yeah! Think about it; if you go from eating junk food every day and never exercising, to never eating any junk food and working out for three hours every day, it’s just not gonna work. You have to do it slowly, you know? Make lifestyle changes instead. Slowly incorporate exercise into your daily routine. Learn healthier recipes and make better choices with food that you buy.’
He processes her words, holding back laughter at her metaphor, and asks, ‘So you’re saying… I need to just slowly start taking less drugs?’ ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying! We shouldn’t expect you to get sober overnight – it probably won’t work if we try to do it like that. But if you just start taking less and less, then it’ll be an easier process. And I don’t even expect you to get completely sober. A couple xans or a joint at a party, or even a couple lines wouldn’t kill you. That’s what the other boys do. It’s about moderation. It’s about not getting high again as soon as you feel yourself coming down,’ she says pointedly, and he lets out a sigh.
‘It sounds like a great idea, y/n, but… the drugs keep me alive. They might be slowly killing me, but they’re also keeping me alive. As soon as I feel myself coming down, it all comes back. The hurt, the trauma, the self-hatred, the loneliness and the crippling pain of my life. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but there’s something very wrong with me, because when I’m sober, I want to die. When I’m sober, I don’t have any reasons to live,’ he confides in a gentle voice, holding her hand tight, and her heart sinks at his admission. ‘Well… maybe I could give you some?’ she whispers, his lips curling up into a small smile, and he puts an arm around her, pulling her close and pressing his lips to her temple. ‘Maybe you could, angel. I should at least let you try. But I can’t promise it’ll work,’ he murmurs against her skin, and she feels her heart lift with hope. This is more than he’s ever let her try before.
‘Okay. We’ll start with trying to… fix you tomorrow,’ she says, and his eyes widen. ‘Tomorrow?’ ‘Yes, tomorrow. If we keep putting it off, we’ll never get around to it. Tonight, you can go inside, say hi to everyone and apologise for your… antics, and when all of Lia’s family have left, you can get high with the boys. Then, after we see Lia off on her honeymoon, we’re starting with… ‘Operation: Help Hyunjin’. Okay?’ she asks, and he nods with a small smile. ‘Okay.’ ‘Promise me you’ll try. If I show up to your house in the morning and you’re not there, like all those other times, I’m gonna be really upset. I love you, but I can’t put up with you running from me for much longer. So I want you to actually try this time.’
‘I promise I won’t run from you. And I promise I’ll try, for you.’ ‘No. It’s not for me – it’s for you. It’s for your happiness, your future. The motivation for this needs to be you. You owe it to yourself to live a better life. Nobody else but you.’ ‘Okay. I’ll promise I’ll try. For me,’ he smiles, tilting her head up to press a gentle kiss to her lips, making her heart flutter. He chuckles at the dazed look on her face, jumping down from the boot of the car. He puts two big hands on her waist and helps to lift her down, leading her back up to the wedding.
‘You look so cute in my jacket,’ he chuckles, and she instantly begins taking it off. ‘No, angel, it’s cold!’ ‘My dress is so pretty, though. I don’t wanna cover it up. And we’re going inside now anyway,’ she says, handing him his jacket back, and he pulls it on as his eyes trail up and down her body. ‘I guess the dress is pretty. Not as pretty as you, though,’ he murmurs, and she rolls her eyes, unable to hold back a giggle. ‘That was a terrible line.’ ‘Who says it was a line? The only lines I do are coke.’ ‘…Not funny, Jin.’ ‘Sorry.’
They walk towards the front door of the manor holding hands, their fingers interlaced, and Hyunjin spots a little flower bush a few feet away. ‘Hold on,’ he says, letting go of her hand and picking one of the flowers. They’re blush pink, the same colour as the corsage he bought her from prom, and he holds it up to her with a grin, a small smile on her face as he lifts up her hair to tuck it behind her ear. It might not match the dress, but he thinks she looks beautiful, and she’s so touched that he remembers such a small detail from so long ago. Pink peonies have been her favourite flowers since he bought her that corsage, because every time she sees one, she thinks of him.
‘You look perfect,’ he murmurs, pressing his lips to hers again, and she sighs gently into the kiss, his lips curling into a smirk as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer. ‘Wanna come back to mine tonight?’ he asks once they break apart, and she rolls her eyes. ‘Really?’ ‘Yes. Your dad doesn’t want us to get married? Cool. He never said anything about us having a kid,’ he grins, and she laughs. ‘Very funny.’ ‘I’m kinda not kidding,’ he says with bright eyes, and her mouth falls open. ‘Seriously?’ ‘Yeah. I’ve always wanted a kid with you. They’ll be the most amazing kid on earth,’ he grins, the girl still not sure whether he’s joking or not, and she’s silent for a long few moments. ‘Fine, I’ll make you a deal. You get to some form of sobriety, and then I’ll get pregnant. How does that sound?’ she asks, and he lets out a whoop of joy, sweeping her up into his arms and spinning her, their laughter carrying in the wind. ‘Sounds perfect to me, y/n.’
The bridal march begins suddenly, the guests all falling quiet, and her bridesmaids make their way in one by one. Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, Chaeryeong and Yuna all have genuinely happy smiles on their faces, wearing matching dresses the same colour as the blush pink peony bouquets that they all hold, bouquets designed by the bride herself. The flowers are a main point of decoration – no matter where you look in the room, you’ll see a pink peony within your peripheral vision.
Hyunjin feels anticipation building inside him, unable to keep the smile off his face when his son enters after the bridesmaids, throwing pink flower petals with a mischievous smile on his face. You’d think he’d resemble Hyunjin, and he does in a way, with his soft fluffy hair and handsome good looks, but when Hyunjin looks at him, all he can see is her. Their son got her beautiful eyes, her beautiful smile, her beautiful heart, and he couldn’t be happier about it.
She enters after their son, the entire room gasping at how beautiful she looks. Hyunjin feels his eyes fill with tears, not at her perfect dress or perfect hair and makeup, but her perfect smile, complete and utter happiness on her face. He desperately tries to blink back the tears, eyes flitting to her father beside her, their arms linked together. He looks a lot older than Hyunjin remembers, but looking around, he realises they all look a lot older than he remembers. It’s been a long and difficult few years for all of them, her most of all.
With each step she takes, he feels himself getting more and more emotional, in disbelief at how perfect she looks, how happy she looks. She reaches the end of the aisle and joins her fiancé at the altar, handing her bouquet to her bridesmaids and taking Jisung’s hands into her own, the boy smiling unbelievably widely. He looks like the happiest man in the world.
Hyunjin watches, from right behind Jisung, as the love of his life marries his best friend, the smiles not leaving their faces for a single moment. Despite the hurt, the jealousy, the longing he feels for her, he also feels happy for her, and grateful towards Jisung. Grateful to him for being the boyfriend that Hyunjin could never be, and being the father that Hyunjin could never be. And as they kiss, sealing their promise of love, and Hyunjin’s son runs up to his mother and the man that he thinks is his father, the three of them making the happiest family on earth, Hyunjin feels paralysing regret fill him.
Regret about the drugs. Regret about the alcohol. Regret that he couldn’t prove anyone wrong. Regret about the fact that he hurt her, and ran from her, when she’s the one that he needs the most, the one he’s always needed the most. Regret that he couldn’t be more of a man. Regret that he couldn’t get sober, not for her, or their son, or even for himself.
Once the ceremony’s over, and the happy couple are taking their photos in the gardens, the guests watching on with affectionate smiles, Hyunjin’s friends gather around him, giving him brief hugs or squeezing his hand comfortingly, and he’s not sure whether it’s making him feel better or worse. The photographer calls for a picture of the happy couple with the best man, and his eyes meet with hers, a small smile on her face as he heads towards the two of them.
‘Your flower’s about to fall off,’ Jisung points out when Hyunjin joins them, and without a moment of hesitation, she lifts her hands to his lapel to fix it. ‘It’s like prom all over again – me fucking up my flower, and you spending most of the night fixing it,’ Hyunjin jokes, the girl laughing while she re-pins his pink peony boutonniere, and Jisung feels a pang of pain in his heart as he watches them. They look like they should be the bride and groom – the way she fixes his flower with the softest hands and the utmost care, the way he gazes at her with nothing but love in his eyes, the two of them laughing quietly – and even though Jisung understood his reference, he still feels left out, as though he’s the third wheel intruding on an inside joke.
They get into position for the photo, Jisung on her right and Hyunjin on her left, both of them with an arm around the bride, and she holds her bouquet, the three of them smiling in the sunlight as though they’re the happiest people in the world. Hyunjin looks like the proud best friend, successfully hiding his jealousy of Jisung and his love for her. Jisung looks like the elated groom, successfully hiding his jealousy of Hyunjin and his longing to feel her love the way his best friend always has and always will. And she looks like the picture of the bride glowing with happiness, successfully hiding her yearning for the reversal of the boys’ roles, her desire for Jisung to be the proud best friend and Hyunjin to be the elated groom. The three of them are so tragic and they don’t even know it, don’t even know the truth about each other’s desires.
Their son comes running over, wanting to get into the picture, and it’s like he knows the truth because he decides to stand between the bride and the best man rather than the bride and the groom. She feels panic fill her, not sure whether or not she should move her son, but the photographer begins taking pictures before any of them can act.
It’s almost as though the photographer’s worked them out, like he can see right through the three of them and their lies, because he suggests taking photos of the best man and the happy couple’s son, the three of them exchanging a glance before the bride and groom move away. Hyunjin lifts his son into his arms, the boy completely oblivious to Hyunjin’s inner turmoil, and he just wraps his arms around the man that he knows as his uncle, smiling widely for the camera.
The bride watches them from behind the photographer, and it’s only when Jisung walks away wordlessly that she registers the loving smile on her face which falters quickly. ‘y/n,’ the girl hears, and she tears her eyes away from Jisung’s retreating back, turning to look at Hyunjin’s mother, and the guilt fades away into excitement. ‘Mrs Hwang! Thank you so much for coming!’ the bride exclaims, throwing her arms around the woman she holds dear in her heart. ‘I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. You look so beautiful. I’m so happy for you,’ she says, holding the girl tight, and once they break apart, their eyes both wander to Hyunjin and his son, posing for pictures.
‘I’ve just noticed, y/n, how much your son looks like my son,’ Mrs Hwang murmurs, the bride silent for a moment as she watches her boys laugh together, the photographer capturing the moment. ‘I personally think he gets his looks from me. His personality is all Hyunjin, though,’ she says mildly, Mrs Hwang giving the girl a sad smile. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. I really thought he’d get his act together.’ ‘So did I, Mrs Hwang. But it’s okay. Jisung makes me happy.’ ‘I’m glad. You deserve to be happy,’ she says wistfully, the two of them still watching their boys laughing together. ‘Come and visit me soon, y/n. And bring your son. I’d quite like to meet him again, knowing what I know,’ Mrs Hwang says quietly, the bride nodding with a smile, holding the tears back.
Hyunjin notices his mother walking away from the bride, and he feels hope in his heart when his eyes lock with those of the girl that he loves, and he sees love reflected back at him, a sad smile on her face. Does she still love him? Is she wishing that she’d married him instead of his best friend? Is she wondering what her life would be like if they were the newly-weds, and their son knew the truth about his father?
But the moment is fleeting, because the sadness disappears from her smile, making him question whether it was even there in the first place, and her loving eyes are on her son instead, not Hyunjin. And suddenly, the realisation hits him. The realisation that she doesn’t love him. That she loves Jisung. And he can never call her his again. And in the few moments before his world comes crashing down, he feels the familiar itch in his fingers, the desperation to reach into his pocket and pull out the little plastic packet, full of the stuff that pushes his pain away.
So he holds it together for the last few photos before heading off towards his car with the tears in his eyes blurring the path in front of him, his absence almost entirely unnoticed in all the excitement. But she watches him with their son in her arms, feeling the crack in her heart grow with each step he takes, wishing with all her might that she could go running after him, get into his car with him so he can drive the three of them away to their own little world of happiness. And Jisung watches her, the longing and love in her eyes so clear as she watches his best friend, and he knows in that moment that his hopes that she’ll one day love him as much as she loves Hyunjin are delusional, that he’s signed his life over to being second best in the eyes of the person he loves more than anyone in the world.
Maybe the three of them are truly happy in another world, but certainly not in this one.
#straykidsland#kpopscape#kwritersworldnet#stray kids#skz#stray kids au#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids imagines#stray kids imagine#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#skz hyunjin#stray kids hyunjin#skz hwang hyunjin#stray kids hwang hyunjin#skz angst#skz fluff#phases hhj
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Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P
Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!
Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!
The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation
Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.
That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?
Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.
And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.
She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.
When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”
Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.
“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.
“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.
“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”
“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.
“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”
“Screw you,” Sam muttered.
“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”
“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”
“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”
“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”
“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”
“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”
“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.
Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”
“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”
“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”
“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.
“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.
Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”
Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.
“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.
“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.
But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.
“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.
“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.
“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.
“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”
“You did what?” Sarah asked.
“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”
“Flowers?” Sarah asked.
“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”
“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”
Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”
“Sarah!” Sam hissed.
“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”
“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”
“He’s a lady-killer.”
Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”
“Sarah!” Sam tried again.
“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”
Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”
“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.
“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”
“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.
“What?” Bucky asked again.
“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.
“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”
Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.
“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”
“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”
“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”
“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.
“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.
Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.
Read on AO3 here!
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y’know i watch so much skincare content on my fb watch feed…. where it’s skincare professionals or i guess hobbyists (???) reviewing famous people doing their skincare routines… and something that’s bothering me just now is like how young some of the celebs or like social media influencers are- like in their early 20s or whatever the fuck…. but they’re all using “revitalift” serums and other “anti ageing” products or using ingredients that are apparently known for “tackling fine lines and wrinkles!” when like…. realistically…. a few years ago they were literally kids. like. i fucking hate that at 26/27 i’m hearing literal 21yo women being all like “oh! i have to fix my crows feet stat 🙁!!! i can’t have those ruining my career this early!” or some other bullshit quip.
like you’re 22 veronica!!!! why the fuck do you need *insert chemical that the beauty industry touts as the newest wrinkle fighting ingredient* to fight “crows feet” when you’re kinda sorta still a kid and literally have NO signs of ageing yet??? you’re 23, deanna. chill the fuck out about fine lines/laugh lines/crows feet whatever the fuck else defect you’re claiming to have at such a young goddamned age.
like don’t get me wrong, i get these young mostly female social media stars or actresses/singers/other public figures are heavily feeling the pressure to look flawless with being in the spotlight all the time and are trying to cling onto their “young” images as long as possible…. but like. my god. they are SO YOUNG. for me, from ages 20 to 23 (when i look back retrospectively being 26 lmao) i was a KID. i was still so fuckin young (and i still am now at 26, despite me joking constantly that i’m ‘ancient’ or ‘old’)….. why on fucking earth do these young women need to be using revitalift serums with bha’s and aha’s that apparently “help stop ageing in its tracks!” when they’re just barely into their adult years????
and obvs you can say i’m infantilising them or something bc i’m making them sound as if they’re little kids or whatever. but like. why the fuck are young women in their early 20s obsessing over wrinkles and shit??? all under the guise of “oh i love skincare! im just taking good care of myself! because skincare is the ultimate form of self care 😊😊😊!!!! am i right???” then go on like 40 second bits about eliminating wrinkles and shit when they’re still youthful as fuck. just. what on fucking earth???
bc gerri you’re fucking 21! i understand if you want to fight skin pigmentation from acne or something. that’s totally fair because i have that. but the minute your 21yo ass goes on about “i need to fight my laugh lines early! see guys! look in the mirror!” you automatically lose some credibility points to me (as someone whose closer to 30 and SO should apparently be far more worried about crows feet and cellulite and wrinkles and apparently needing botox et al to fight these things). because you’re barely out of your teens girl. you were a kid 2-3 years ago. in high school. a baby. and you probs had ZERO thoughts about wrinkles et al in your head.
but suddenly now you’re anywhere between 20-23 and you suddenly start asking skincare communities and your dermatologists for “crows feet eliminating actives” and shit denoting that you’re apparently ageing “too fast”???? like honey!!! go out and live!!! (although pandemic yadda yadda yadda). you are SO GODDAMNED YOUNG!!! you have several years until you start developing real crows feet and wrinkles and smile lines and all the other bullshit the media loves critiquing women to “get rid of”….. so then we’re forced to look like fucking mannequins/barbie dolls with all the bullshit we’re told to inject into or rub onto our faces for “temporary facelifts” and the like. like fuck man. it’s annoying.
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Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader
a/n: As promised, I finished that damn essay so here’s some smut. I whipped it up pretty quickly but yeah, need me this energy rn 😳.
Summary: It’s been a long time since you’ve two have had a proper night together. It’s starting to get on your nerves...
Warning: Angst (and comfort lol), cussing, 18+ activities, all characters are in their 20′s
Word Count: 2.5
You eyed yourself in your mirror after applying lip gloss, it’s been about 30 minutes since he said he’d be here. You’ve been adjusting yourself in this tiny mirror for hours, feeling your heart fill and deflating with every car you think is his but isn’t. Your chest seemed to slouch uncomfortably in your outfit, you sighed and went fixing it so they appeared decent. You gave yourself one final smile and decided you didn’t want to wait outside anymore.
“Yes, I’m under Ms. L/N.” The host smiles at you and leads you across the restaurant. The restaurant was a comfortable cold, lit by warm lamps and blue lighting. Definitely felt too fancy but you wanted to give it a chance. Your host smiles again and places the menus down on the table. It was covered in a white cloth, multiple cutlery, and 4 different glasses. As someone who’s used to wobbly folding tables and the harsh scratched up wood in bars, this was very different for you.
The sun was setting over the buildings and it just seemed so romantic. You made a mental note to take a photo together when Shinsou arrives.
Your waiter approaches the table with bread and some kind of oil before filling 2 of the 4 glasses with water. “Hello, is there anything we could start you off with this evening or are you waiting for a guest.”
You smile sheepishly at the waiter, “I’m waiting, but I would actually like to order some wine, I don’t know any brand names though so give me whatever you think tastes the best.”
“Sure! I’ll be right back out with that.”
You pulled out your phone, hoping to get a text that he was on his way or approaching but it was still nothing. The waiter returned with the bottle and filled your glass, the other glass remained empty. You slowly watched lights flicker on, continuing off where the sun left off about an hour ago.
You honestly should’ve left hours ago but you didn’t want to face the embarrassment of leaving alone, but at this point you think the waiter feels the embarrassment for you. You take another look at the city at night, deciding it was time to join everyone else in going to bed. The second your legs lifted up you feel a hand shove you down, you look up confused for your eyes to meet with two purple ones. Your look of confusion turns into a frown. “I’m kind of tired Toshi, I’d like to leave.”
“I’m sorry kitten, there was a crime spree tonight and they really needed my help. It’s been terrible. But I know you’ve been waiting for long, please don’t go. He watches you struggle with your emotions before sighing and putting your bag back on the table. He takes his own seat and sits across from you. “I haven’t been at home lately-”
“You got that right.” You weren’t trying to be pissy, it was just weeks of getting put on the back burner that seemed to be pouring out of you now. “I’m sorry Hitoshi, I just, really wish you were around more. I know being a hero is important to you, so it’s important to me too. I just- I just want to see you more often, and on time, that’s all.”
He stays silent for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. He really hasn’t seen you as much as he’d like to, oftentimes he came home and you were already asleep. He wanted a warm meal with his baby, not leftovers in the fridge and your sleeping back to him. “I will take some days off, and we can do absolutely nothing for a few days, just the two of us.”
He looks at your disgruntled face turn into a small smile, “Really? That sounds great, maybe we can have a picnic. We haven’t had one of those since High school?”
“Has it really been that long?”
“Well, depends on if you count that time we broke down and ate that sandwich outside as a picnic.” You both laugh at that, the air seemed to clear and you two ordered for real this time.
Dinner was saved, and you had a great time, both of you seeming to forget that you were at a fancy restaurant and talking about nonsense until they closed.
You got into his car and settled into the passenger seat, ready to get home and just cuddle with your boyfriend. A call rings down his cell and he answers it with urgency. “Yes? Oh.”
You look at him quizzatively, and he looks at you knowing fully that you’re about to get mad.
“Yes. I’ll be there soon.”
“Hitoshi! Where are you going?!”
“I know I just apologized about this but, I have to go to work again. There’s a raid operation tonight and I’m the only person that can get it done.”
“Bullshit.”
“You can get upset about it as much as you want but It’s important for me to be there.”
He closed the door to his shared apartment quietly, he didn’t want to disturb your sleep. Two cats ran through his legs, they also missed seeing him around. “Ah, I’ve been neglecting everyone huh?” The two cats purred and chirped as he pet them, not knowing a thing about relationship problems.
_____
He opened the door to the bedroom slowly, he heard your earbuds blaring music. You were definitely awake and just being sad. He left you alone and showered, not wanting to track rubble and ash everywhere.
“I don’t care man, just drop me off.” He rolled his eyes at your attitude and drove off into the night. The two of you pulled up to the apartment and you left without even saying goodbye, he saw the tears in your eyes as you walked into the building. He sat there momentarily, wondering if he should chase after you but he realized you wouldn’t listen and left it alone.
You heard the shower turn off through your music and waited for your love to wrap his arms around you. The touch never came, instead you heard him exit the room entirely with his own set of blankets, cueing you to run out to him. “So you want to sleep alone?” You looked at him with pure exhaustion in your eyes, you were waiting for him to come home.
“No, I just didn’t know if you were still upset and wanted to give you some space.”
“The last thing I want from you is some space. I just want you, but it feels like you don’t want me.”
He looks at you hurt that you’d even say that. “Hey you know that's not true, don’t tell me that.”
“Don’t tell me I’m lying when I know I’m not.”
“You don’t sound like you know anything right now.”
You looked infuriated, “Okay, cool. Keep the bed, I’m staying with a friend tonight.”
“No you’re not Y/n,” he grabs your wrist and stares at you intensely.
“Yes I fucking am, let me go.” You pull from his grasp.
“Are you done acting like a bitch?”
“Actually, I’m no-” You feel yourself slacken and stop. Your brain makes the motions to move but your limbs would not respond, he was definitely using his quirk on you.
He grabs your arms firmly and stares at you, clearly pissed as well. “Good, now that you’re done being a brat. I love you, and I know I haven’t been around enough to say it but don’t just assume I don’t want you.” You said nothing of course, but god did you feel his deep voice. “Walk to the room.”
You follow his command and walk in, he lets his control of you go and you look at him, a mixture of still anger and...something else in your eyes. “So being pissy is what it takes to use your quirk on me, okay.” He knew he shouldn’t have done that but he really would’ve hated himself if he let you leave.
“Look, I-”
“Do it again.” The tense air fills with confusion, he doesn’t really think he heard you clearly.
“Wait did you say to do it again?”
You nodded at him, “Yes, or do I have to complain again to get you riled up.” The empty feeling returned to your head as you felt yourself float away to blankness.
“I never stopped being mad at you the first time. If I knew you were into this we could’ve done this a long time ago.” You said nothing, he smiled. “Take off your shirt.”
You felt your fingertips graze your body as you completed an action that was simultaneously entirely and not entirely of your own volition. You felt yourself already reeling, it’s been about a month since you two have had sex and you didn’t realize how badly you missed the feeling until just then.
He hummed to himself and hovered above you, grabbing your chin as you stared off into nothing. “Look at me”. You comply, and he stares back at you, ravenous. “You’ve been very bitchy today, I can think of plenty of other uses for your smart mouth, can you?” You continue to stare at him, you wish you could just put your mouth on his dick already but the fact that you can’t move at all is what’s getting you going. He strokes his hand through your hand and settles on the back of your hair. His other hand makes quick work of his underwear and you feel your body tighten at the sight of his dick, god it was so pretty.
He let it rest against your cheek, you still stared up at him, motionless. He could feel your breath against his length and he so badly wanted to shove himself down your throat. You made no movements that weren’t ordered, but he can tell through your eyes that you were desperate for this as well. But not tonight.
He pulled your hair back so you’d fall backwards onto the bed, he easily pushed you further back and got on his knees. “Don’t move”. God he knows you’re a squirmer. You wish you could see him, but you had to settle on the feeling of him sliding your underwear off unbearably slow before returning to breathe inches away from your heat. You felt kisses up your thigh as he situated his large hands on the sides of your hips. At this rate you were going to cum instantly the second he touched you. You could feel him laugh against you. “I didn’t know you liked this that much”, he kisses your heat and begins to lavishly tend to the flame that’s been burning in you for weeks now. He kept to slow circular motions that turned a lot more passionate, he was eating you out like it was his last meal. It was the strangest sensation ever, you wanted to writhe so badly, wanted to push yourself up against him, wanted to grab his hair and scream but your body laid their limp as if you weren’t even there. Truly you weren’t, even your thoughts were fuzzy and fading, it’s as if you were viewing this from a foggy window. You could feel everything though, every flick, every slurp, every finger, everything. You tried concentrating on your incoming orgasm when he suddenly let’s his control of you go. Immediately you begin to cry out, not being too concerned that it was nearly 3 AM. Your hand immediately entwines with those gorgeous purple locks of his and you feel yourself teeter the edge of insanity.
His fingers curl upwards and rubs the top of your walls at a sickening pace, the intensity on your clit is still as wild as it was before. You feel yourself bite down in an attempt to silence your orgasm but it came out anyway in harsh gasps and moans, it sounded like you were sobbing.
He licks his fingers and you watch him with a desperate look in your eye, feeling your orgasm taper into lust again.
“You ready for more,” he asks with a devilish smile on his face.
“Pleas-” You fade into the haze again, you can’t wait to have your hips broken in.
“Lay back kitty, I’ve treated you really nicely, but now I’m going to show you what happens to bitches that want to argue.” You move backward and he follows you further up your shared bed, the loving look in his eyes when he was between your legs was no longer present. He was going to use you, violently, as hard and as fast as he wanted to, and you were gonna watch. His hips quickly made contact with yours and he stopped, slowly dragging out of you so your walls could miss him. He smiled at you and caressed your cheeks before he slammed into you all the way once more, his purple eyes piercing through yours as you felt your walls throb on him. His pacing became frantic, his strong hands were gripping the life out of your hips, your ragdolled body doing nothing but taking everything he could give you.
“Raise your hips.” You did as you were told, the new angle making your thighs desperately want to buckle but his focus on you kept you sturdy. He was absolutely relentless, his own groans were loud and as rough as his movements. He felt your walls clenching around him and he gripped down hard on your thighs, deciding he wasn’t going to let you go this time.
Your whole body ached and you felt like you were on the verge of either collapsing or going to heaven. The hazy cloud in your brain knocked any other thought but his dick out of your mind, in this moment the only thing that mattered was the orgasm you were about to get fucked into.
“God you’re still such a fucking slut for me. I haven’t seen you so lewd since we first moved in. I guess I should give you what you want. Come for me kitty.”
Just like that you came, hard. His own incoming orgasm ruined his focus on you and you began to repeat his name like a mantra as you saw the blistering whites of heaven. He buckles into you, violently gripping your shoulders as he unloads inside of you, he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head at the sensation of his cum filling you. You’re both happy in heaven, loving this moment of sincerity and closeness. Your ears continued to ring as you tapped his shoulder, he pulled out of you and moved up to hug you.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here, I really am Y/n, you’re the most important person to me and I don’t know where I’d be without you” he lets out between his still harsh breathing.
“I’m sorry I wouldn’t listen Toshi, I just really missed you and I was scared that you were tired of me.”
“That’s impossible” he laughs into the crook of your neck and you both feel ready to fall asleep but know that you have to clean up first.
“Toshi?”
“Yes?”
“Could you carry me to the shower, my legs hurt.”
You can feel him chuckle against you before moving to pick you up, “of course kitten.”
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Iwaizumi Hajime (27), The Athletic Trainer (NSFW)
!Iwaizumi x !reader NSFW
Hajime Iwaizumi (27) Athletic Trainer x Y/n (21ish) College student/College soccer player
As a college soccer player with constant knee issues, you had become very friendly with Iwaizumi. After your latest injury, you two became extra friendly.
Warnings: Semi-public (storage closet), creampie, lots of teasing, bit of a slow burn, but also shameless smut.
Word count: 3015
I did try to edit some, but if its bad just let me know!
You knew you shouldn’t be doing this...but there was something about being in situations like this that just got you going.
It was after soccer practice and as always, you went to the athletic room to grab some ice for your knee. ACL reconstruction a few years prior meant you spent a lot of time with the trainers, whether it be tending to your old injury or taking steps to prevent another one.
You limped into the athletics room, tee shirt slung over your shoulder as you had used it to wipe the sweat that was coating your body. Both legs wrapped up with pre-wrap under the constricting knee braces.
Iwaizumi was sitting at his desk in the back, glasses on while he reads (what you assume are) emails. You let the door slam behind you before limping over to an exam table, hopping up and scooting back until both legs are straight in front of you.
“Iwa...my knees hurrrrt todaaaay.” You whine, flopping back on the table. You ball your shirt up and put it behind your head, getting comfortable as you hear Iwaizumi huff from behind you.
“Well, maybe if you actually stretched like you were supposed to, and iced regularly after practice and games, they wouldn’t hurt so bad.” He says, dropping his glasses on his keyboard as he stands and makes his way over to you.
He takes one look at the dirt and grass stains marking your knee braces and shorts, shaking his head. “Or maybe if you could stay on your feet instead of insisting on playing on your knees..”he trails off, giving you a dirty look.
You smirk as you look up at him, “oh? I thought you would appreciate me so much more on my knees and than my knee Iwa. My bad...” you giggle, teasing him as the tips of his ears begin to glow a soft shade of pink.
“Well y/n, not sure what gave you that idea...”
“Oh come on Iwa, it’s not like you’re a professor or anything. No need to be so stiff with me.” You tease again, wiggling your toes as he picks up one of your legs.
He shakes his head, trying to wipe the smirk off his face as he slowly tugs down the knee braces from each leg. You wince several times, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths.
“Y/n...these look pretty bad today. When was the last time you took a break?”
You shrug, keeping your eyes closed as you knew his face would be angry if you met his eyes.
“Y/n I’m being serious. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage as it is? You’re already had surgery on your ACL and at this rate you’ll be getting 2 full knee replacements by the time you’re 30.” He rolls his eyes, knowing you are hearing what he is saying, but ignoring his warnings.
“Okay fine. Want to ignore me? You’re out of practice for the rest of this week. You report here during practice for some physical rehab and actual resting.”
Your eyes spring open as you sit straight up, “Iwaizumi! You can’t do that! We’re getting way too close to our qualifying games for me to be sitting out of practice for an entire week!” You say, trying to calm the panic in your chest and stomach.
“No y/n. This is the best time for it. Because I know the type of person you are, and you’re going to keep pushing yourself too hard. If you keep going like this, you’ll end up hurt during one of those games. You remind me of my best friend...you even get on my nerves just like him…” He says, a small smirk on his face as he turns away from you, grabbing an ice pack and ace bandage wrap.
You flop back down onto the table, going over your schedule in your head. “You know this is bullshit right?..” You say quietly, having no argument back to what he was saying. You lay the backs of your hands over your eyes, knowing the tears were going to start escaping, but also knowing that it was a stupid reason to cry.
You feel Iwaizumi’s warm hand pushing some stray hair behind your ear as he leans down closer to you.
“I know it seems bad now, but I really am just looking out for you...I don’t want you to get hurt so bad that you can’t keep playing..”
You take a deep breath, wiping away the few tears that did manage to escape before giving him a small smile.
“Yes I know that. I’m literally your favorite athlete here, and I’m pretty sure you’d quit if I wasn’t playing anymore.” You say, teasing him slightly as he wraps an ice pack around each knee.
“You keep things interesting around here for sure.” He says as he lightly slaps your thigh. “Now get up and get out. I’ll see you here at 2, and I’ll let your coach know you are out of practice for the rest of the week. I better not even see you near the field.”
You roll your eyes, biting your lip as you lower yourself onto the ground again. You feel, as well as hear your knees and ankles pop in protest. You slip on your sandals and grab your bag, refusing to make eye contact again, because you already knew what he was going to say.
“Yeah yeah yeah. You give orders and I obey them. Seems like a shitty deal for me, but whatever I guess.”
--------
You show up a little after 2pm wearing shorts and your Karasuno sweatshirt from high school. It was your favorite as it was oversized, overly worn out and absolutely perfect. Iwaizumi is working with a player from the men’s volleyball team as you sit down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the room.
Your eyes dance over the mysterious volleyball player's body as you settle in. You notice how big his hands are and how some fingers seem to be taped together. It didn’t make sense to you but god did you want to suck on his fingers. They just looked so big and thick. As your eyes continue to travel, they somehow wind up on Iwaizumi.
His hands were actually pretty big too now that you really looked at them...And he was pretty muscular. Did he work out? I mean, he probably did right? He was an athletic trainer, so like, he also trains. Right? His legs...fuck. His thighs were looking so thick today. Had they always looked like that? Was he wearing shorts like that yesterday too?
Your eyes fall down to his eyes before slowly crawling back up and pausing. Mmm if he’s that big and thick everywhere else….I wonder if he’s also big and thick right there too..
You wet your lips with the tip of your tongue, completely lost in your thoughts as you stare at Iwaizumi's presumably large clothed cock. You smirk to yourself, laughing to yourself as your mind spirals out of control.
“Y/n. You having fun over there?” He says just a bit too loudly, pulling you from your rated-R thoughts and causing you to gasp just as loud. You cover your face with your hands, trying to hide the reddish pink that is surely painting your cheeks by now.
“What the actual fuck Iwa. Did you have to fucking yell?” You say between your fingers, begging your heart rate to return to normal.
He chuckles as he walks over to you, crouching down in front of you and placing his large hands over your knees. You look down to see that they completely cover your knees and his fingers come up a considerable amount onto your thighs. You finally look up at him and meet his eyes. You can see the playfulness, and perhaps a hint of something else hidden in there.
“Well it seemed like you were a bit distracted by...something. And you also were staring pretty hard. So I just wanted to make sure you heard me. Duh.”
You grab his chin and pull him a little closer, tilting your head in the process.
“Oh? I was staring? And what exactly was I staring at...Iwa-chan?”
He looks down at your lips, slowly licking his before dragging his eyes up and catching yours. He moves a little closer, putting almost no space between the two of you, your noses brushing against each other.
His voice drops down, barely above a whisper, “You’re playing a dangerous game little girl...don’t bite off more than you can chew…”
You try to hide the nervousness you were feeling as you tilt your head, ghosting your lips over his, “Mmm it’s okay if you can’t keep up old ma-...” Before you finish your sentence, Iwaizumi closes the small distance between your lips. One hand leaves your knee, quickly grabbing onto the base of your neck before snaking up into your hair. His hand feels so much bigger as it spans the back of your head, finally moving to grab onto your ponytail.
His lips feel hot and fast against yours, quickly finding your tongues twisting and toying with each other. Your small hands cup the sides of his face, pulling him closer as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. A breathless sound leaves you as his hand tightens around your hair and he softly pulls back on your lip.
He pulls your head back by your ponytail, standing up and towering over you. “I’m serious y/n. This is your last chance to leave. We can go back to how we were, flirty and fun…” He trails off as you softly shake your head. He pulls your head back further, looking down at you intensely, “Then say it. Tell me exactly what you want.” You feel as your cheeks burn as a tingle shoots down between your legs. You squeeze your legs together, looking up at him suddenly embarrassed.
“I want you to fuck me Hajime..” You say, your voice barely above a whisper.
His hands slide down and around your waist. “Wrap your arms and legs around me.” You cling to him as he easily hoists you up, his big hands moving to palm at your ass. Your fingers toy with the hair on the back of his neck as your lips start working their way up and down his neck.
As Iwaizumi pulls the door open to a storage closet, you sink your teeth into his soft flesh, giggling softly when you hear the deep groan from his chest. He steps inside and pulls the door shut behind him. The room is tiny, consisting of a small table along one wall and shelves lining the other. Iwaizumi sets you down on the table as he reaches around, looking for the string to the overhead light.
You took this opportunity to sneak your hands under his shirt, lightly dancing your fingers up. You smile when you feel his breath hitch as your fingertips graze his nipple. “Mmm is someone a little excited?” You say as the light cuts on, temporarily blinding you. You feel Iwaizumi immediately reach for your shorts, hooking his fingers over the edge and tugging them down with your panties following shortly after.
“God someone needs to teach you a lesson...So sassy all the time..” He whispers against your ear as he slots himself between your legs. He uses the tips of his fingers to tease the insides of your thighs, inching closer and closer to the growing wetness. Your teeth find your bottom lip, biting into his thick fingers move from teasing, to slowly pushing into your soaking cunt.
The slight burn as the 2 digits move further into you causes you to moan softly, opening your legs wider at your fists ball into his shirt. He slowly pumps his fingers into you, stretching and scissoring you as soft moans begin falling from your lips. His other hand leaves your side, 2 fingers going directly into your mouth. Before Iwaizumi even has a chance to say anything, you begin sucking, your tongue twisting and flicking the tips of his fingers.
His eyes flutter shut before quickly springing back open, alternating between watching his fingers disappear into your mouth and watching his fingers get sucked into your greedly little hole.
You let go of his shirt, grabbing at the waistband of his shorts and boxers. You hook your fingers into them, pushing them down just fair enough for his cock to pop out. It stood straight out, precum already starting to collect at the tip again.
“Touch it…” You bite your lip, holding back a whimper as your hand wraps around him. He feels heavy as you start to slowly move your hand up and down his length, amazed at how hard it was for your fingers to full wrap around it. His head drops onto your shoulder, one hand speeding up his thumbs moves to toy with your clit. He uses his other hand to steady himself against the table, his quiet moans and breathy sighs tickling your ear.
You begin to work your hand quicker, spreading your legs wider as you feel yourself getting closer to cumming. A louder cry erupts from you as his thumb pushes harder against your throbbing clit. He grunts, slowly his hand inside you. “No no princess...You have to be quiet. You don’t want someone to hear, especially if they happen to stop by the training room.”
You whine, looking up at him annoyed that you were so close and he had the audacity to stop.
“Why didn’t you lock the door dumbass.” You huff, his lips finding your neck and fingers slowly starting to pump into you again.
“Mmm I can’t lock the training doors while there are practices going on…” He says, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you to the edge of the table. You wrap your legs around him lazily, using the sleeve of your sweatshirt to wipe your face before pulling it over your head. You drop it onto the table next to you, your eyes finally zeroing in on his sex. The way his big hand sluggishly strokes up and down while lining himself up to your dripping pussy.
You lean back on your elbows, propping yourself up to watch where you two will soon be connected. “Fuck! Can you please hurry up..” You whine, wiggling your hips down, causing his tips to rub into your slick.
Iwaizumi plants one hand by your elbow, the other moving to sprawl out over the lower middle of your back. In this position, you were able to reach up, lacing your fingers into his hair and attach your lips onto his neck.
A shiver ran through his body before you felt him pushing into you, filling you to the brim..plus some. You bit into his shoulder, trying to hold in the loud groan as your walls continued to flutter around him. His head falls into your neck as your head falls back, trying to catch your breath as he gives you time to adjust.
He slowly pulls his hips back until just the tip sits inside you, before pushing himself back in. Once again, when he bottoms out his head falls into your neck.
“Fuck Princess you are so fucking tight...And you’re taking me so well..”
Your entire body shivers just hearing those words, already beginning to crave more of him.
As if reading your thoughts, Iwaizumi starts a slow but deep thrust, your plushy walls begging him to move faster. You wrap your legs around his waist, gripping his hair tighter as you bring your lips to his ear.
“I need more...I need it harder..” You beg. He takes no time to answer as his hips move from leisurely movements to a punishing pace. Your head falls back as moans fall out of you, no longer caring about how loud they are. Iwaizumi lets his head fall against your chest, now using both hands to hold your waist as he fucks into you. Gruff grunts and groans spur you on even further, having never imagined that he could make sounds like that.
You felt your slick dripping onto the table and insides of your thighs. You tighten your legs around his waist as small explosions go off around your body. Loud cries rip from your lungs as your pussy flutters and calms down around him continuously. “Hajime!” You shriek as he picks his pace up, lifting your bottom half and moving you to meet his hips. His eyes are glued to where his fat cock drives into you over and over again. His grunts and groans turn into deep gruff moans before he bites his bottom lip, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.
You feel the first spurt of cum splash inside you before the second and third completely fill you. You watch his face, the way the corners of his lips turn up slightly as he drives his hips into you harder. He slowly sets your bottom back on the table, stepping closer and pushing his softening cock deeper inside you.
He licks his lips quickly, his hand softly grabbing your chin. “Hmm how about we stay like this for a minute...Go for a round 2...Treat your knee and then maybe go grab something to eat or something…?” He says quietly, his cheeks painting themselves a soft pink. You smile, tightening your legs around him as you lean up, giving him a soft peck on the lips.
“Oh wow. Is the famous Iwaizumi asking lil ol’me on a date?” You say, slowly moving your hips back and forth against him. “I mean, this pussy IS to die for, right?” You tease, giggling as he rolls his eyes, his hands taking hold of your hips and starting a slow shallow thrust inside you.
#haikyuu iwaizumi#hq iwaizumi#iwa-chan#hajime iwaizumi#hajime hq#iwaizumi x you#reader insert#iwaizumi smut#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#weebnation#CozyFics#hq x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x reader#cozykozume
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Angels Like You (Can't Fly Down Here With Me)(A. Matthews/M. Marner)(Chapter 2)
As soon as Mitch closes and locks the door to his apartment, he slumps against it, dropping his bag to the floor in the process. His cheeks are scratchy and dry from the tears that had been falling for like half an hour, but at least he’s finally stopped crying. He pulls his phone out of his sweatpants pocket and glances at the notifications. There’s only a snapchat from Dylan Strome and an Instagram message from Kasperi, probably from before his practice started. Nothing from Monica, which hurts more than he thought it would. He clicks his phone off, and puts it on the tile floor next to him. He leans his head back but misjudges how far he’s sitting from the door and ends up banging the back of his head against it. “Fuck,” he mutters, shutting his eyes closed. He isn’t about to start crying again, and definitely not about bumping his goddamn head.
His stomach rumbles, but he doesn’t want to get up from the cool tile floor. His entire body aches like somebody just cross-checked him onto his face. Not even Zeus, his dog, is there to cheer him up, since he’s visiting with Mitch’s brother for the week. Usually Mitch would call Monica after practice, but after her surprise showing up in the locker room, he doubts that will ever happen again. Maybe he could call Auston, but after the whole teary-hug-thing, he doesn’t know if that’s the best idea ever. Auston would just not stop asking if he’s okay, rather than pretending like nothing happened, which is honestly all that Mitch needs right now. It hurts too much to even think about it.
He has to go get wasted.
Even though it's not even six p.m.
So he scrolls through his phone to find Willy’s number and sends a quick text.
Drinks?
The ‘typing’ dots show up almost right away, and a second later a message pops up.
Mitch it’s 4:30
And?
Yeah ur right
I’ll be at ur place in 15
Mitch nods at his phone and slowly gets up from the floor. He thinks about texting Fred and Mo and maybe Zach, but he’s not really in the mood for a big party thing. He just wants to get drunk with one of his best friends.
So he goes into his room and pulls off his shirt to change into something a bit nicer when his phone dings with another text from Will.
Auston coming?
No and don’t ask him
I just wanna hang u and me
He does feel kind of bad about not asking him, because when do they ever go out without each other, but Mitch knows Auston well enough to know that he won’t let Mitch breathe if he were to come. Instead of overthinking it, Mitch grabs his keys and goes to wait outside his apartment building for Will’s car.
He’s outside for a couple of minutes before Will gets there, and when he pulls up Mitch jumps up and runs the couple of meters to his black car. “William,” Mitch states when he opens the passenger-side door.
“Mitchell. Where are we heading?” He taps the steering wheel lightly and runs his hand through his blonde hair. He is really pretty, Mitch has to admit but he’s definitely not his type, the whole ‘I’m beautiful and I know it’ thing a bit too obvious.
If he were gay, that is. He’s not. Definitely not.
“The usual place.” Mitch replies, and Will nods and puts the car in gear. It’s silent for the first few minutes, Will focusing on getting through the Toronto traffic, Mitch staring blankly at his phone. He opens Instagram, but the first picture on his feed is from Monica’s account, so he quickly unfollows her and shuts off his phone, dropping it onto his lap when he’s done.
“So,” Will starts, unsure of how Mitch will take the question he’s about to ask.
“If you’re going to start with ‘how are you doing with the breakup, Mitch?’ don’t even bother. I don’t wanna talk about it right now.” Mitch puts on a deep voice and waves his hands in the air in an attempt to mock Will, and it’s obvious he’s only half-joking. Will doesnt take it personally, though, telling himself that his friend is going through a lot.
“Um, first of all, that is not how I sound, and second of all, I was going to ask what’s going on with you and Auston? Usually the three of us go out, and after this afternoon…” he trails off.
“Nothings going on with me and Auston,” Mitch says slowly, unsure of what exactly Will is getting at. “What are you even talking about? I didn’t ask him to come because I knew he’d be weird about it and not let me live.” Will just nods, looking straight ahead. He turns his blinker on and Mitch starts again. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. I just assumed something might have happened, that’s all.” Mitch gives him a look and Will lets out a breathy laugh. “Seriously! That’s all.” Mitch nods at him cautiously and the conversation kind of trails off. They talk hockey for a couple minutes, but it’s painfully obvious that the two are waiting to get at least one drink down to talk about their relationship, or, in Mitch’s case, ex-relationship, problems.
Will makes another turn into the parking lot of a small bar you wouldn't notice if you didn’t know exactly where it was. The two walk into the bar and realize it’s busier than they would have thought it would be at 5 in the afternoon, but what difference does it make at this point. They’re already there, so Mitch finds a booth while Will goes to the bar to order them beers. Mitch pulls out his phone and sees a text from Auston that reads it was sent five minutes ago.
how r u mitch? everything ok? :(
Mitch has a weird sinking feeling in his stomach when he reads the text, but he tells himself he shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s not like he did anything wrong. He ignores the text and forces a smile he knows looks fake when Will comes back to the table, a beer in each hand. He sets one down in front of Mitch and the two sit in silence for a second. “Spill. Everything.”
“I don’t even know what the fuck happened, Willy. I knew something was coming, because she always gets kind of distant and stops responding to my texts and calls before she pulls some drastic bullshit like this, but I didn’t think she’d make me choose between my two favourite people on the planet.” He looks up suddenly, as if the words are falling out of his mouth faster than he can process them. “No offence, you’re obviously also my favorite person, it’s just...” Will just shakes his head, smiles a bit and waves him off, taking a sip of his drink. Mitch does the same, and Will takes it as a chance for him to talk.
“Did you ever actually love her, Mitch? Like, I know you always said she’s so great and makes you so happy, but when you really think about it, was there ever even one full day where you were completely and utterly happy with her?”
He pauses and racks his brain for something, anything, literally one fucking memory of the two of them together when Mitch wasn’t berated for something he did wrong, or when she wasn’t on her phone the entire time they were together, or that time she ditched him for her friends on their six month anniversary where Mitch had planned a dinner at a fancy restaurant and they would walk through downtown Toronto in the evening and watch the sunrise on the beach. He was devastated that day, and suddenly the sadness he was feeling turns to anger and guilt. Anger at her, for everything she put him through while somehow convincing him it was love, and guilt, for all the times he ignored his friends while they told him how bad she was for her. He feels like he’s about to start crying again, and he knows he will if he looks up at his friend, so staring at the table, he says, “I can’t.”
Will nods, cocking his head to the side. “It’s okay, Marns. And it’s okay that you’re still hurting over her, because trust me, even though now you realize it was never real, it’s gonna hurt like hell. You have to let it, otherwise it’ll never get better.”
“I’ve been through a breakup before, William,” Mitch snaps, but he’s smiling.
“I know, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. And so is Auston.” He doesn’t realize what he’s implying until it’s out of his mouth, but he’s almost 100% sure Mitch missed it too. Just to be safe, he adds, “And the rest of the team, too, obviously.”
Mitch nods and downs half his beer, then looks at Will. “Honestly it doesn’t even hurt now that I realize that. I’m just really fucking angry.”
“So you know what you should do?”
“Hm?” Mitch tips the glass of beer back to finish it off and sets it back on the table, never breaking eye-contact with Willy.
“When you get home, you pack a box of her shit together and fucking set fire to it. Burn everything. Pictures, souvenirs, ticket stubs, everything. It’s what I did when I broke up with my high school girlfriend, and it’s honestly really freeing.”
Mitch nods, kind of unsure about the idea of setting their relationship up in flames. Will reads him easily though, so he laughs and continues. “Or, you could put her shit in a box and tell her to come pick it up, otherwise it's going in the trash.” The two of them smile and Mitch nods.
“That sounds like a much better option. And still freeing.” There’s a lull in conversation, and honestly Mitch doesn’t have much more to say about his predicament other than long, angry rants, so he decides to prompt Willy. “So, you and Kas…”
“Oh my God my turn! Okay so he called me last night, right,” he leans forward and props his elbows up on the table, and Mitch smiles and leans his head in his hands.
The two of them spend the next few hours in their booth, Mitch downing beer after beer, Will stopping after one because he’s going to be the one to have to drive them both home. Close to eight pm, Will realizes how long the two of them have been sitting there, as well as just how drunk Mitch is. He’s slurring his words and isn’t really focusing on Will, looking around the room unfocused while he attempts to keep up with the conversation. He smiles to himself and tells Mitch it’s time to get home.
“No,” he states like a five year old. “I don’t wanna go home.”
“Yes, you do, bud. We have a game tomorrow night, and you don’t wanna be too tired and hungover to play, do you?”
Mitch shakes his head while Will stands, stuffs his phone into his pocket, and pulls out his keys. He waits for Mitch to stand, then wraps his arm around his waist to help him to the door. He could probably walk on his own, but he doesn’t want to take that chance in a crowded bar with a guy who is heavier as dead weight than he looks like he’d be.
The drive home is silent until Mitch picks up his phone and quickly realizes he can’t read what’s on the screen. “I’m drunk,” he announces, and Will laughs. “Can you read it?” he attempts to hand his phone to Will, then realizes shit, he’s driving, and pulls it back to himself.
“After, Mitch,” and he nods exaggeratedly in response. They pull up to Mitch’s apartment, and getting him up to his floor is slightly easier than Will imagined it would be. He does have to help him into bed, though, and doesn’t bother undressing him. He pulls the covers back for Mitch and sits him down on the mattress. He takes the phone from him while he lies down and glances at the screen. There's five text messages from Auston, all spaced out over the three hours they’d been out.
if u need to talk, u know im here
mitch?
ur probably busy or smtg… text when u get a chance
did i make things weird tdy? im sry if i did
call me mitch plz
“Jesus,” Will mutters under his breath and unlocks Mitch’s phone to respond. Mitch gave him his passcode a long time ago, so he knows he won’t care.
Hey its Will
Everything is fine, Mitch is super drunk, that's all
Dw about him
oh
u guys went out?
Will knows how bad it looks that the two of them went without Auston, but he should be able to understand.
He needed some one-on-one w someone not as close to him I think
It def wasn't a party, we drowned in our emotions, man
alright i get it
shit, can u plz delete the messages from before?
including these actually
Ofc np
“Night, Mitch,” Will whispers, although he already realizes Mitch is passed out. He sets his phone on the night table next to him and makes sure to lock the apartment door behind him. Mitch honestly cannot be more blind about his literal soulmate being madly in love with him, but he thinks he has a plan to help him figure it out now.
U should pick him up tmrw for the game. He's gonna be hungover af and moody
ofc, was planning on it anyways :)
#auston matthews#mitch marner#william nylander#kasperi kapanen fics#dylan strome#auston matthews/mitch marner#auston matthews x mitch marner#mitch marner x auston matthews#mitch marner/auston matthews#unrequited love#toronto maple leafs#nhl#nhl hockey#boys are dumb and i love them#willykappymarnsmatts
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𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒀𝒐𝒖: part 7
“It’s always been you. Has it always been me?”
✨part 1
✨part 2
✨part 3
✨part 4
✨part 5
✨part 6
pairing: Tobio Kageyama x fem! reader
rating/warnings: swearing, angst (?)
synopsis: You liked him. He liked you. Easy right? Well, maybe not as easy as you thought.
a/n: ahhh hello💓 im super excited to share these chapters! these chapters honestly hit a little close to home but i had a lot of fun writing them! again, taglist is open for the final part after this and so are my asks/requests! enjoy xx
•
Thirteen: the middle of the gym
Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and before you knew it, your first year at Karasuno was almost finished. Your first year of high school wasn’t what you expected but it was filled with wonderful surprises. After all, you managed to snatch up your dream guy, Tobio Kageyama. You two were inseparable. Everyday after school you would spend time together. You loved being with Kageyama. Being with him was easy, effortless. You knew that you wouldn’t want to spend your time with anyone else. You knew you would always pick him.
It was the last week of school and you now sat in class, eating your lunch and talking with Kageyama and his friends.
“Y/N I have no idea how you deal with this dumbass. He’s such a pain,” said Tsukki. You laughed and Kageyama gave Tsukki the side eye.
“Well he’s my dumbass,” you smiled, grabbing Kageyama’s hand. Tsukki, Tadashi, and Hinata groaned.
“You two are gross,” said Hinata, fake gagging. Kageyama punched his arm.
“Shut up.”
~
The school day ended and you were now by your locker, grabbing your change of clothes for practice.
“Hey you,” Kageyama snuck up behind you and wrapped his arms around you. You smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Hi there.”
“Meet me by the vending machine after practice?” he asked. You turned around to face him.
“Of course,” you smiled. Kageyama kissed your head and ran off to practice.
You made your way over to the locker room to change for practice. You could hear talking from outside the door and you swear you heard someone say your name. The voice sounded like Koi’s. You pressed your ear on the door to listen better.
“I can’t believe they are still together. It’s driving me insane,” said Koi. You jumped.
“Who? Y/N and Tobio? They’re like perfect for each other,” said another voice.
“They are not! I can’t stand seeing her with him. It’s seriously starting to piss me off. But hey, first year relationships never last. So I’ll just need to be patient. I’m sure by next week Y/N and Tobio will be ancient history.”
“Koi isn’t Y/N your best friend?”
“Of course she is. I love her to death. But right now she’s the goalie and I’m trying to score. She’s just a temporary obstacle. Tobio’s already all over me as it is. So I’ve got the upper hand over her on that one. Mark my words ladies, Tobio and Koi will be end game. I promise.”
You were frozen. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t talk. You felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you. You grabbed your bag and ran to the nearest bathroom. You busted through the doors, entering the first stall you found and crashing to the floor. You covered your mouth to muffle the sound of your faint cries. You felt helpless.
How was it that your best friend could say those awful things? Was Kageyama cheating on you? Was Koi being serious in saying that he couldn’t keep his hands off her as it is? Was your whole friendship with Koi a lie? And what about your feelings for Kageyama? Were those lies too? Those questions felt like a million bricks falling on you.
Your salty tears streamed down your face. Your breathing was heavy and your chest hurt. You didn’t know what to do. You knew that you had to go to practice but that meant facing Koi. You didn’t think you had the strength to look her in the eyes. But that meant she won. And you most certainly weren’t gonna let her sick words overpower you. So you got up from the floor, wiped the tears from your face, and changed into your practice clothes.
~
Walking to practice felt like a march off to your death. You instantly spotted Koi. She gave you a smile and waved you over.
“Hey girl,” smiled Koi. You smiled back even though you felt like strangling her. You wanted to confront her about what you heard from the locker room, but you didn’t. You decided that it might be best to talk to Kageyama about it and since he was a horrible liar, you’d get the truth from him. You came to realize that Koi might be a better liar than you thought.
Practice was slow. You felt like the universe was slowing down time just to annoy you. You were so sick of today that you needed to get this over with. All you wanted was to be with your boyfriend, and hopefully debunk all this stupid Koi drama.
When practice ended, you watched as Koi walked in the direction of her house, leaving you with some peace of mind. You made your way over to the vending machine to wait for Kageyama.
~
You waited for 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes. Then 30 minutes. You checked your phone again to see that you had been waiting for Kageyama for almost an hour. It was unusual for him to be so late. It would have been different if he hadn’t told you to wait for him at the vending machine, because that usually implied that he would be done with practice on time. You began to get a pit in your stomach. You tried not to overthink the situation.
He’s fine. Everythings fine. He’ll be here any minute.
You tried to think of any reassuring thoughts possible but nothing seemed to calm you down. After the shit day you’ve had, this was the absolute last thing you needed.
Then, it began to rain. Well shit. You decided you weren’t going to sit around and wait any longer. You decided to go to the gym to check if Kageyama was still there, because there was always the chance that he forgot and already went home. Even though it was unlikely, there was always a chance.
You walked in the rain to the gym. The doors were open and the lights were on. You felt relieved seeing two volleyball bags outside the door. You concluded that they were Kageyama’s and Hinata’s. You stood at the footsteps of the gym, shaking off any rain water from your clothes. You stepped inside the gym, but nothing could have prepared you for the sight you were about to see.
“Hey Kags are you-”
Your hand came flying to your mouth in shock. You couldn’t believe what you were looking at. The scene before you felt like a million daggers to your heart. There they were. Her arms wrapped around him like yours would be. His hands on her hips like how he would hold you. Their lips touching. There stood Koi and Kageyama, in the middle of the gym, kissing.
•
Fourteen: losing you
You ran so fast out of the gym that you almost slipped on the wet pavement. The second you saw Kageyama with Koi, you were a mess. The tears began to pour. You began to shake. You felt like you were gonna pass out. You ran in the rain but you only made it a couple hundred feet away from the gym. Your legs felt weak. They could barely carry you. You heard heavy footsteps behind you.
“Y/N wait! Please!” yelled Kageyama. You couldn’t turn to look at him. It was unbearable.
“Go away Tobio!” you yelled back. Never had you called him Tobio.
“Y/N please just let me explain!” you felt his hand grab your wrist but you shook him off. You turned to face him.
“Explain? Explain what Tobio? That you’ve been secretly fucking my best friend? That whatever was happening between us is just complete bullshit? That everything was a fucking lie? You can explain all you want but I’m not gonna listen to a damn thing you have to say!” You shouted back at him. Your voice was shaky. Your emotions were on high. You continued to sob in between breaths.
“Y/N it’s not what it looked like.”
“Bullshit because you know what it looked like? It looked like you were making out with Koi and that's exactly what you were doing. Good luck trying to explain your way out of that one.”
Tears began to stream down Kageyama’s face too. You looked at each other, distraught. You turned back around and began to walk home again.
“Y/N please!” cried Kageyama. You whipped your head back around to face him.
“God Kageyama don’t you get it? It's you! It’s always you! It will always be you today, tomorrow, and a hundred years from now. I will always pick you. It’s always been you. Has it always been me?” you pleaded.
You knew it was an unfair question but you didn’t care. You stood there, helpless, waiting for his answer. Kageyama just stood there. The tears continued to fall down his face and so did the rain. His lips quivered. He didn’t say anything.
Please say something.
You took his silence as an answer.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you whispered. You turned back around and continued to go home.
“Y/N!” Kageyama shouted behind you.
“Leave me alone!” you shouted back, but you didn’t look back at him. You just ran.
~
You struggled to get your door opened. Your hands were unstable. You were freezing. The rain didn’t help. The second you got inside your house, you dropped down to your knees. Sobbing. Your cries grew louder but you couldn’t help it. You were in unbearable pain. Your entire world was falling apart, just as you thought it was falling into place.
Saying that it was always him was your way of saying ‘I love you’. You so desperately needed him to say it back. You needed to hear that it was always you too.
You didn’t move from the floor. You physically couldn’t. You didn’t have the willpower to get up. You were completely broken. You just laid there, practically drowning in your own salty tears.
“Y-Y/N?” a faint voice called from outside the door. You covered your mouth not to make any noise giving away that you were by the door.
“Y/N please. I just wanna talk to you,” Kageyama said. You pressed your back against the door. You couldn’t quiet down your cries.
“I know you’re there so please just let me in.” he begged. You shook your head.
“I-I can’t,” Your heart was telling you to let him in but your head knew that you shouldn’t.
“Yes you can baby, please.”
“J-just go.”
“No Y/N I’m not leaving. Please, I-I can’t lose you,” he whispered.
Kageyama’s forehead was pressed against the other side of the door. His tears instantly fell to the ground.
You sniffled and tried to control your quivering lips. You stood up, keeping your back to the door, and went upstairs.
“You already did.”
~
[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @lilnuances @jennasquishy8 @ladybird-00 @moonlightsof @maii-thirsts @tamaguchi @seiijixcia @killuaking @keomoon ]
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu#haikyuu tobio#hq#tobio fluff#tobio x you#kageyama#Tobio Kageyama#always you. 🌸
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freezedive:
I think I said it in one of your other beautiful posts, but I thought I’d mention it again. All of the ridiculous cutscenes did give us a golden nugget of information on Luna that most of us who are brutally critical of her (like you and me), suspected all along: Luna openly admits to Gentiana that she doesn’t think she has anything to offer Noctis outside of being an oracle. And Gentiana makes it worse by speaking in fancy words by saying some bullshit about her being the oracle is her being human or something and that she is fulfilling her true calling and that is what Noctis needs? Idk but it reeked of emotional manipulation.
I hold little to no regard for Ravus because there’s evidence Luna was being brutally beaten right under his own nose while he was busy being the Emperor’s lapdog thinking it could maybe give him the power to save his sister? The man should have opened his eyes and defended her against the men that kept them jailed
I happened on this reply to roxainn’s post while trying to recapitulate all my other FFXV critical posts and reblogs on the way to making new ones.
Crawling back to find anything about this point, I find that it was posted 3 years ago. But at least I reblogged the reply to it.... and missed that it was literally @ ME. Goddamn did I slack.
But here’s my reply, 3 years late, which should elaborate on where I stand on this.
Yes, the flashback that gets triggered by a random creepy little girl in Tenebrae is about Luna and Gentiana. Somehow the little girl knew about that conversation even though she wasn’t there to witness it first-hand? Or maybe Noctis was imagining what the conversation would be like between Gentiana and Luna off of the vague suggestion from the girl, and it’s just him telling on himself that his imagination of Luna says all that? Otherwise the not-altogether-tinfoil-hat theory says it’s Gentiana in the form of a little girl, telling Noctis something that IMO should piss him off but just makes him sad and guilty because Luna loved him so much, don’t you see. She loved him so much that after wrapping her entire life around him, she’d just want to keep that going for the rest of their lives!
Gentiana opens the conversation with, “At first, the father had mourned the fate of his chosen son. Yet in Tenebrae, the two found solace. It was not the Oracle who assuaged their fears. But the girl…she holds…the true power.”
Then Luna replies, “I have little to offer a king, other than the voice afforded the Oracle. Nevertheless…” She turns to look at the wedding dress. “And—I’m afraid he might find this foolish… But…to be together with Noctis again, even if only for a short while… It…would mean the world to me. I do not seek to guide him, merely to stand beside him.”
The exchange is all types of fucky.
First off, she was twelve. What comfort could she have offered Regis and Noctis? What comfort was she capable of when Sylva was right there, an adult with experience of an Oracle and a personality thanks to a presumable full life not hampered by grooming of the gods?
Second, every other scene of Luna as a child is of her telling Noctis his duty, and that it was her duty to see it through. Did that assuage his fears-- the fears he didn’t have at the time since he never knew the entire meaning of his fate and was being told a saccharine, embellished version of it by Luna right there? Did that comfort Regis, knowing a little girl would also die to protect his son if the gods wanted it, but that she wouldn’t have the will to avert their fates whatsoever?
Third, even she thinks Noctis would think her desire to be with him is foolish. So... was she expecting that Noctis himself didn’t have feelings for her or want to spend time with her of his own volition for reasons outside of her job? She was looking forward to a marriage with no emotional security, where her desires are one-sided and unreciprocated, and the man she cares for think she’s worthless outside of her powers? She would’ve been willing to put herself through that, given a choice?
We know what we know and think what we think, but the fact that this was placed right in the vanilla game and no one thought that was wrong, and instead they doubled down on it in patches, is pathetic on their part.
Moreover, what does The Girl have, that was separate from The Princess and The Oracle? Every facet of her being wrapped around Noctis since age 4. She was nothing but her duty by the time Noctis met her; they had no scenes where they acted as children would. Even supplemental/promotional art for other XV media and related locales cement that. Little Luna serves Little Noctis pastries, she’s not seen eating with him. Luna teaches Noctis how to play piano, she’s not playing with him. Dawn of the Future came out with its own art, and Noctis is afforded the liberty to sit in a chair, and his son(?) sits on his lap, while Luna and her spitting image child(?) are both on their knees, looking up at the dudes.
In most of their art together, Luna and Noctis are either not meeting each other's gazes, she's bending or kneeling to him, or he's supposed to be holding her close but he hover-hands her, or there’s that one time where they took a selfie and the picture was of their Pocket Edition versions. They’re still not looking at each other in that one. And it’s not canon.
Anyway yeah, any conversation Gentiana has with Luna about Noctis is emotional manipulation on Gentiana’s part, but the writers manage just enough to make everyone involved seem creepy and reprehensible in their own way.
In DOTF, Luna has a death soliloquy that confirms she sunk into the water at the end of the game’s Chapter 9, but the soliloquy is about how she was prepared to die even at the age of 12, and she put on a smile and resolved to be strong for Noctis’s sake, so that he wouldn’t remember her having a look of despair. There’s a line there about how she would cry herself to sleep but Gentiana would wipe her tears. Gentiana does nothing else except allow her to cry and wipe her tears afterward, and makes no effort to save her from her fate or at least take her out of terrible situations so that she would cry fewer tears. But there is cut dialogue from the game, and used in the novel, where Gentiana revealed herself as Shiva when Luna was <16 (probably still 12 at the time), when she thought she was being held back from forming the covenants, so there’s that. And Luna still somehow ignored that this meant Shiva allowed Sylva to die, and thanked this useless goddess for her nonexistent generosity.
For whatever reason they had to add a passage where Luna superimposes the image of an eight-year-old Noctis onto the adult version-- quote, "the image of him as a child, burned into my eyelids, overlaps with his now-grown face"-- even though Noctis has canonically sent her photos of him as a teenager (15-16, around the time he met Prompto in high school, see: Brotherhood). Granted, that's a translation from Luna's voice actress reading an excerpt as if it were first person POV. The English version says she sees the child image first, then the adult version is superimposed. Then not much after that there's a passage where Noctis smiles as his child self and it was "that smile she loved that had been in her heart all these years, giving her strength, always and forever".
So she was groomed and turned into a shell since age 4, believes she has no value outside of her job and turned her grooming on a similarly vulnerable child, and her strongest image of him, the one she fell in love with and kept in her heart, is of the helpless boy that promised her the world without knowing the cost. The smile of the carefree boy that didn't know his journey would end with his soul annihilated. It couldn’t have been that hard to have her see an image of him as the 30 year old True King of Light that he would become. At least she'd sound a little less like a weirdo who continually places herself (and is placed by the narrative) as below him, unworthy of him, etc. but also has strong feelings and memories toward a goddamn child.
Re: Ravus: you already got a reply to that, but for real? Ravus was also shafted by the plot and beaten down by terrible, amateur writing. The narrative shits on him as if it’s written by a high schooler or otherwise emotionally arrested adult trying to push a Mary Sue Protagonist. The modus operandi for those stories is that everyone who disagrees with the protagonist in any way has to suffer tremendous humiliation including but not limited to death, because the Protagonist Is Just So Good And Perfect And Always Right.
Nothing Ravus does justifies his treatment in-game or in-fandom like he’s a one-note out-and-out villain who wanted nothing but to kill Noctis and disrespect his sister, to the point where his corpse is defiled multiple times in Chapter 13 and he’s twisted into a perversion of himself that begs to die.
Chapter 13 has Noctis land next to Ravus’s corpse and all his letters to Luna, and Noctis has piss all to say about it, either out loud or to anyone. He looks at the Sword of the Father, glances at Ravus, and without a word takes the Royal Arm and lets the Magitek arm-- still dripping, still gross-- fall onto Ravus’s body and doesn’t even move it.
He had no way of knowing beforehand that Ignis and Gladio knew of Ravus being killed. WE didn't even know they saw security footage until Ch13V2 was added in. Noctis happening on his late fiancée's dead bro sounds, I don’t fucking know, like something you’d want to tell everyone else about later. Along with the letters he wrote evidencing that he intended to return the Sword of the Father to Noctis!
An aside: The Letters from Ravus are just weird to behold; it isn't 100% clear whether Luna ever received all of those letters. She had to have received the first one, at least. But the idea that Ardyn intercepted even one other letter so that Luna never heard from her brother between Tenebrae and Altissia is farfetched. He shouldn’t be able to intercept those messages as if they were delivered conventionally. Luna has a pair of magic space-bending Shiba Inu that send letters instantly across continents. If she’s sparing their use to send Noctis one-liners and stickers but can’t afford that for Ravus to send her discrete updates on Noctis’s status, she’s a piece of shit.
They do meet in Tenebrae as Ravus wanted her to, and they have the conversation where he gets on her case about her “throwing [her] life away” for Noctis. So chances are higher that Ardyn only got a hold of all three letters after Luna received them and no sooner, but then he shouldn’t be tossing letters from Ravus at the dude’s body when it makes more sense for him to toss down letters to Ravus, since the writers wanted to make a point of Ardyn having a vicious streak. It makes way more sense for Ardyn to deprive Ravus of Luna’s writing, then insult him with them post-mortem, unless Ravus’s notes were really all he could acquire, meaning Luna never once wrote back to her brother.
The Doylist explanation is that the writing team sucks and couldn't be assed to think of anything for Luna to say because they didn't think of her at all. The Watsonian explanation is that Luna’s a piece of shit and that tracks with her in Kingsglaive watching her brother burn alive in response to the Ring, but ignoring him and running to Regis’s aid instead, but then the rest of the plot presents her as morally pure through her white clothing and “unconditional, self-abnegating love” for Noctis.
Back to the topic: I don’t know, maybe I’m being old fashioned, but Noctis should’ve given more of a shit that his dropping the Magitek Arm on Ravus’s body was probably what turned him into a mutated abomination begging to die, and he thought so little of Ravus that the dude isn’t even in the glimpse of "people who helped me get this far" in the Beyond. Ravus doesn’t even get a spot to wish Noctis and Luna well on their afterlife wedding, not that it makes any sense for any of them to have words to say since Noctis is already dead, no one was there with them, and none of the bros expressed any sign that they knew that Noctis was bound to get married after his sacrifice (he sure doesn’t mention it in the final campfire scene and that’d be a better place than any). But anyway, Regis is in the Beyond at Noctis’s side even though he never told Noctis a damn thing and still never spoke to him from within the Ring, but Ravus? Nah, he’s the real asshole somehow and doesn’t deserve any recognition whatsoever.
The only other characters I know of that have a remotely similar dynamic to Noctis, Luna, and Ravus (lovers, but the girl has a straight-edge protective brother working for the bad guys) is Nero, Kyrie, and Credo (see: Devil May Cry), but as much as I think the writing in that series is hokey as fuck, at least the writer(s) for DMCs 4 and 5 had enough sense to make the love story simple and based it from a line from Amagasaki City-- “I love you, so I love the city that you love.”-- and opted against portraying Credo as an outright villain because if Nero killed him, Kyrie would resent him for it even though she knew Credo was working for the same Order that threatened her life.
Shouldn’t Noctis care about the shit Luna cares about even if he has no personal investment in it or it’s inconvenient to him? Shouldn’t he care about Tenebrae and its prosperity? or about Ravus? Nah, it’s okay, Noctis doesn’t have to respect Luna’s love for her brother or her kingdom because for all intents and purposes, she doesn’t care for Ravus or for Tenebrae as much as she loves Noctis. Her love for Noctis and her looking forward to the wedding is what matters here.
The yaaaas queen vicious clapback from Kingsglaive!Luna about how Ravus is the Empire’s dog is especially rich coming from her when she’s fellating the gods all through the game even though Eos’s equivalent of The Holy Bible says the Hexatheon’s Revelations destroy cities and that undoubtedly means people are killed by the gods, and their summoner is complicit, because there’s no such thing as a perfect evacuation. See: "Revelations left great devastation in their wake, with entire cities being laid to ruin," noted in the Cosmogony long before the True King even exists.
Luna herself didn’t see a problem with this and helped in the effort, with no regard to the collateral damage she would cause with the summoning: bonus points for the part where Leviathan is hostile to humanity and threatens to eat every living being if Noctis fails! She had even less regard to the damage Niflheim would cause in their attempt to kill the gods even though she was first-hand witness to them sacking Insomnia. Waking and defeating Titan deprived Lestallum of the meteor they derived power from. Waking Leviathan destroyed Altissia. Luna’s refusal to leave Insomnia when told to by Regis led to her being used as bait and taking the whole of the Kingsglaive out of Insomnia in time for their Face Heel Turn and Insomnia being destroyed. Everything else leads to the eventual World of Ruin where people also die.
All because she killed herself prematurely from the covenants and didn’t hold back the longer nights as she promised to the public’s face and on her honor as Oracle she would do. Her dying words in Chapter 9 were her being completely satisfied with her fate because “[her] prayers were answered, [her] calling fulfilled”, even though the calling requires that she dies and she should’ve known better than anyone that her death, even if it was for Noctis’s ascension, would endanger the rest of the world for 10 years and helped the Starscourge spread. But instead of fighting for her own life to stem the plague for as long as possible, she let herself die under the belief that "Noct can handle this" to give him the chance to be the revered King of Light. She also didn’t make a single appearance on the world of the living in her spirit form during those ten years until Noctis needed help with a piddly imitation of the Magic Wall, only then does she come down in her ghost form with seemingly all of her power intact, and summons five of The Six as if Noctis can’t easily do it himself.
But Ravus is the lapdog? Luna’s the one with her “ends justify the means” behavior and what looks like general neglect for actual human beings.
Anyway, Ravus stabs Caligo in the back and kills him, and that move only makes sense in light of the idea that Caligo was manhandling Luna as seen in the Dawn trailer. Ravus was 16 when Tenebrae was overrun, and there’s no reason to believe he was magically immune to institutional abuse, so there’s a high chance that he was abused by the Empire too, held resentment of that, and waited for the time he’d be able to retaliate with no repercussions. Gentiana as a goddess is 1000000% more on the hook about letting Luna be beaten than Ravus is, since he saw his mother die in front of him while Regis ran away. Regis had the power of the Ring and could have used elemancy to put out that fire, or void magic to banish Glauca and his MT army, didn’t do that, but he totally spares enough magic during the treaty signing to toss around Thunder spells straight from his hand, cast barriers, and summon some Royal Arms straight at Iedolas, and that’s bad enough. Gentiana who’s been the Fleuret family attendant since Luna was born and also is Shiva who can freeze people with her fingertip had even less excuse to let that fire rage, to let Sylva die protecting her son, and to stand by and allow her ward(s) to get thrown around by some random Imperial soldier.
#freezedive#ffxv critical#ffxv criticism#lunafreya critical#gentiana critical#regis critical#lunafreya nox fleuret#ravus nox fleuret#regis lucis caelum#ravus deserved better#long read
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Is Now a Good Time to Become a Hippie?
Ha ha fun little opening note: I opened my iPad to write this and saw the Cornell notes template and now I’m wondering how the people who had to take Cornell notes to get through college are doing these days. Probably not well.
I’m cracking open the blog again this summer to really do some justice to the two month identity crisis that I, and maybe you, have been experiencing since graduation. I’ve been through the wringer, like most people, with the classic post-grad crises of “What am I doing with my life?” and “What am I even good at?”, and “Will I ever have fun again like I did in college?”. But honestly fuck those crises. That kind of shit is so cliche and boring to talk about. I need bigger broader shit on my plate. The type of existential garbage that can really wreck you. The types of questions that can’t be answered by your Mom saying “it’s okay honey”.
So the set I came up with is as follows: “What rules should I live my life by if I truly believe that our society will crumble to climate change in 1 - 2 generations?”, “How can I ever protect my soul from capitalism when I need the constant stimulation of city life to distract me from my depression?”, and “If I reconnect with my hippie childhood, will it destroy my chances of happiness and success later in life like it did for my parents?”.
I know what you’re thinking: “That’s an awesome list Ava. I wish I could have come up with that myself”. Sorry you can’t be me.
It’s got just enough “this girl needs to lay off the acid” undertones to be dismissed by the common man, yet is valid enough to make any stoner or stoner+ (the + is psychedelics) a little itchy.
Whithought further ado--I left this typo in here because I couldn’t stop laughing at it--, lettuce unpack these crises.
1. What rules should I live my life by if I truly believe that our society as we know it will crumble in 1 - 2 generations? I wish the answer was as simple as “more whippets”, but sadly, it just never is. There are actually a lot of sub-questions here like “Is enough change to reverse the course of climate change even possible at this point?”, “Does our species even deserve to be saved, or should we lean into the suffering and let the deer dance on our graves?”, “What the fuck are you supposed to be with your life when you can’t bring yourself to reproduce because the world is ending so you have to constantly invent a sense of purpose for yourself instead of just using your kids as a cop out?, and lastly “What if you’re making a mistake by not going to Mars with Jeff and Elon na d the vibes there end up being super lit?”
You see, I’m really good at coming up with these questions, but pretty bad at answering them. All I’ve come up with in terms of the rules and purpose part is just to vibe it out and focus my energy on good ol’ drugs, sex, and rock n roll till the end. But UH OH! Now I’ve become my parents.
Perhaps I could focus on nature, gratitude, and spirituality? OH CRUD! Now I’m Rose, who has definitely reconciled these issues better than me, but has the advantage of being an introvert. Shorty don’t need that social stimulation like I do and can just go hermit mode when the going gets tough. Not I.
How about a commune? Tempting, but I’ve heard about a lot of commune drama in my day and don’t really want to get whisked into some Midsommer shit by accident.
Comedy? Can’t go monetizing my best coping mechanism, now can I?
Pose your questions to a broader audience in folk songs like Bob Dylan? I think I’m too street for that and I can’t play the guitar.
Focus on work and being successful? Nope. Work blows and I’m supposed to be protecting my soul from capitalism.
I tend to treat this question like the hard ones on the EOGs and just skip it and plan on circling back later.
2. How do I protect my soul from capitalism when I need the constant stimulation of city life to distract me from my depression? And when I say I need that shit, I mean it. New people. New shit to do. All the time. I ain’t havin’ no baby, so settling down isn’t in the cards either. There is no scenario where I am going to move out to the suburbs just to stare at my husband every night for 30+ years or, in a more likely scenario, stare at the wall. I’m staying on the scene for a long time, maybe forever.
That being said, the city is ripe with capitalism. Everyone works like a dog 24/7, switching back and forth between 2 - 4 Apple devices to accomplish God knows what in the grand scheme of things. Tech, finance, and marketing (the classic city trio) have to be the most pointless and cutthroat industries we have come up with to date. It feels like you have to have to have one of those jobs to live there. To afford it, sure, but beyond that, to know that you beat out someone else to get it and that you have successfully stepped on your first of many necks on the way to the top.
I’m moving to Chicago in like 2 weeks to work in tech/finance and sucking my own dick for having a management position so, clearly, I am not above any of this. But I sure wish I was. Even the first month of my soul-selling transaction feels like it has taken years off my life and dulled my flame quite a bit more than school ever did. So I am on the LOOKOUT for ways to get my mouth on some deep dish pizza and fine Chicago men without all of these bullshit side effects.
And Finally…
3. If I reconnect with my hippie childhood now, will it destroy my chances at happiness and success like it did for my parents?
I feel like this one needs to be elaborated on a little more. For anyone who doesn’t know, my parents are both raging Dead Heads who practiced the art of escapism together on tour for 20 some years until Jerry Garcia died tragically in ‘95. In a desperate search for a new purpose, they popped out me and my sister and now we’re all living the middle class dream in a ranch house on the outskirts of Greensboro. “But at least they’re happy and they love each other right?” Nope. Ls all around.
Sadly, this isn’t just my parents. This seems to be the classic hippie timeline. You feel good, get high, get laid, and indulge your senses in your 20s and you realize that none of it is monetizable and come out the other end begging for capitalism to take you back and bless you with a mediocre career. I know I sound like Nixon right now, but I’m just reading off the data from what I’ve seen.
Shit is really fucking sad man. I just want to think and feel and vibe and enjoy the world for what it is before it gets too crispy but I feel like I can’t. Any step away from my career feels like it will just land me at the bottom of the totem poll with a job that sucks even more than the one I started with. And yeah, I’m a lot smarter and slicker and decidedly childless than my parents, but it feels like a big fucking dice roll to do the same thing that they did and expect a different outcome. I mean they are the two most genetically similar people to me on the planet, after-all. I really do think I have to be careful and stick with the straight and narrow for now. Bummer because I would like to just bool before the world ends, but unfortunately, that’s going to take a little too long for me to avoid these problems.
In conclusion: I believe the answer to the question I posed in the title is “Not really and I should probably start hashing these things out with a therapist instead of a tumblr blog sooner rather than later”.
And if you are wondering, no I am not high right now, but I am about to be because that shit was heavy.
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