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flagbridge · 16 days

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Raoul de Chagny uniform inspiration, and general Raoul Navy musings

élève-officier ("elof") at the Borda in Brest, 1880s.

British Sub-Lieutenant (equivalent of an Ensign in the US or French Navies), approximately 1860 (by Ann Mary Newton)

Graduating students and faculty of L'Ecole Navale on board the Boarda, 1891

As some of you know, I love writing Raoul. My next projects after All Vows ends are mostly Raoul-centered, and I'm pretty deep in my research. I’ve tumbled absolutely headlong into researching La Baille (nickname for the French naval academy), and it’s amusing how across time and distance, so much of initial military training is unchanged. Even though I cosplay Christine, Raoul actually ends up being the character who I give most of my own life experience because I am, in fact, a Sailor. When I'm writing Raoul POV about being at sea, I sometimes use my own journal entries from past deployments when I was underway on the USS NEVERSAIL somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

I get a lot of questions about Raoul's uniform, so I'm sharing some of the above (hello talented artists, could we PLEASE get more Raoul Navy Phanart, I am BEGGING YOU)

élève-officier ("elof") at the Borda in Brest, 1880s.

This is exactly what Raoul's midshipman uniform would have looked like. As you can see from the photo from 1891, the uniform from that time and even a decade later is the same. Naval uniforms, especially dress uniforms change very infrequently. My dress uniform that I wear in 2024 is the same one that was designed by Mainbocher in 1941!

The term "élève-officier" translates literally to "student-officer", although most translate it as "officer candidate", which isn't inaccurate. They were then classified by year, so a first year student would be an élève-officier fourth class. However, the British and American term for a naval cadet is a "midshipman" which is often abbreviated to "mid". So "elof" is basically directly translated to "mid". However, there was an additional naval trainee rank, called "Aspirant". This was assigned to the naval cadets when they embarked for their tour du monde on actual warships. It's a unique rank that's basically a desgination that the individual is a senior at the academy--like a "Midshipman First Class", the term to describe seniors at the US Naval Academy.

2. British Sub-Lieutenant (equivalent of an Ensign in the US or French Navies), approximately 1860 (by Ann Mary Newton)

I couldn't find a good picture of a young/junior officer from this era in the French Navy but FUN FACT! The French Navy underwent a uniform shift in 1883. The officer uniform was largely unchanged, however, that short coat and triangular hat that we often associate with the end of the age of sail was phased out as a dress uniform. So it's possible that Raoul had a dress uniform very much like this around the time of Phantom of the Opera, but it was on its way out. The rank is accurate though! So if Raoul went to the opera in uniform in about 1881? This is what he would have looked like.

3. Graduating students and faculty of L'Ecole Navale on board the Borda, 1891

The uniforms were the same when Raoul would have graduated, and that is the Borda that is mentioned in the book. In my head this is Raoul's senior class photo (even though it's 10 years later), complete with a few guys who have no idea what's going on and aren't looking at the camera.

PotOmer Day 15: HEADCANON/Raoul Navy Uniform Musings

Between April 23 and June 11, I am posting 49 days of POTO content to mark the Omer, except on Shabbat. Previous days below the cut line.

Day 14: GIFSET-Ethan Freeman bows to the monkey.

DAY 13: LEROUX: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GASTON LEROUX (Ethan Freeman Reads Leroux)

Day 12: FANFIC: All Vows Chapter 38: my longfic that will be concluding at the end of May.

Day 11: (no post, Shabbat)

Day 10: FANFIC: All Vows Chapter 10 (Catch Up)

Day 9: ADAPTATION: Ghost of Zariya Hollow

Day 8: HEADCANON: Christine's Swedish Accent

Day 7: COSPLAY Hannibal Slave Girl Bodice Construction

Day 6: GIFSET: Raouls who make choices appreciation post

Day 5: PHIC UPDATE: All Vows Chapter 37! (And a bonus gif of Lily and Jon)

Day 4: (No post, Shabbat)

Day 3: GIFSET: Cape Twirl Comparison, Current West End Phantoms ('23-'24)

Day 2: BRAINWORM: "Ne Me Touchez Pas"

Day 1: GIFSET Robyns/Kerhoas: The Kiss

#potomer #phantom of the opera #poto #raoul navy #naval history #raoul de chagny #raoulcore #maritime history #the raoul navy #am wrting #research #queued

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scifrey · 6 months

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I poured my heart into a new book in 2019-2020 and have spent the time since editing and querying, and revising, and requerying, and... and so much.

And The Biz didn't want it.

I'm heartbroken.

I'm mourning.

But I commissioned a cheesecake to celebrate my 200th rejection and I promised myself that I would eat the last piece when the final response came in.

Yummy rejection.

Tonight I grieve.

Tomorrow, I start trying to figure out what happens next.

#Anybody know how to contact Wattpad Originals? They are notoriously difficult to get a hold of.#j.m. frey #jmfrey #creative wrting #creative writing #writing #am writing #writint community #wattpad #rejection #thats just how it is #cheesecake

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ham-le-tii · 2 months

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Comments are the food for the soul of fanfiction writers, everyone, remember to feed your fanfiction writers.

#fanfic #wrting #fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfic #it's 1 am and that's what's going through my head #food for the soul #i write anime fanfic and comments always light me up #even if you just leave like some random hearts #if you liked the story make your presence known!

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amunyan · 1 month

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Unsure if I should put a warning here. Seriously; When I look at the reactions to the chapters of the other story…

So enjoy the last chapter of this one :D Word Count: around 2480 Warnings: smut

************

The person she trusts most... (3/3)

With eyes full of desire, Mereoleona steps closer towards you. Pulling you close with a gentle touch, she caresses your cheek before planting a brief but passionate kiss on your lips.

You look at her in complete bewilderment as her lips slowly separate from yours. With flushed cheeks, dipped into a bright red, you stammer something incomprehensible. Not really sure if you read the situation in the right way, when she repeats herself. „I still owed you an answer to your confession back then. Fact is; I've always loved you. Unconditionally. You are the person I trust most after you saved me by taking your own blood as an antidote.“ Mereoleona pauses for a moment and her expression changes. It becomes a little darker, almost sad. „I don't know who did you this wrong... if it was even me unknowingly. But it hurt too much to see you beating yourself up all the time. Forcing you to push yourself beyond your limits in an unhealthy way. To see you full of self-doubt, trying to get stronger.“

„I wanted so much to impress you by being able to face you in mortal combat. It was frustrating that you never took me seriously”, you sigh deeply.

„I would have killed you in an instant,“ she replies in her typical harsh manner. „But you have already impressed me - just not with your fighting skills.“

„I did what?“

„Oh? Now you hear me,“ a bright, cheeky smile appears on her lips and she playfully pet your head before caressing your face again. „Remember? I told you so many times - but you never listened. Stubbornly, you tried to become stronger - ignoring that you already were. Just in a different way...“

„And above all; I think I did all for the wrong reasons... I only realised it when you were gone. Ever since the first time we met, all I ever wanted was to be acknowledged by you. Every time you gave me a sign of approval, I was in denial. I waved away everything that I did as nothing special“.

„There is nothing wrong with trying to become stronger and working on your weaknesses. But…”

She sighs, almost unheard, before expressing her regret: „ Maybe I have been too hard on you. But I have told you so many times, and you have never believed me, that I truly adore you. You did not want to see it.

„I guess we have hurt each other in one way or the other,“ you have to admit with a sad smile. „I also realised that you are not always there to protect me or to boost my low self-esteem.

„Yeah. But now you know that's your job,“ Mereoleona adds, and you nod in agreement and repeat the sentence.

„Good. Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the fun stuff.“

With an anticipatory grin on her face, the Lioness turns and stretches before beginning to untie the rosy-coloured ribbon around her hips and pulls the jacket off her shoulders. „Come on. You too. Take your clothes off!“

„Wait? What? So fast? I mean, we haven't seen each other for months and... Desire, yes, but... Without a warning and... Although that does look a bit like you...“

Mereoleona's frightening gaze meets yours. She looks at you with a raised eyebrow and a doubtful, sceptical frown as you finish your sentence hesitantly. „Straightforwardness...“

A meaningful smile flickers across her lips before she bursts out laughing: „I was just thinking about a nice bath in the hot springs. But...“

She turns back to you. Her hand slides over your shoulders, closing the distance between you. „But I wouldn't mind pleasuring you right here and now.“

It's not just the sound of her voice so close to your ear that makes you blush. It's also the fact that, almost unnoticed, her hand has moved from your shoulder to your butt. When her hand squeezes it firmly, you can no longer suppress a little squeak.

„Still so shy about it? For the one you wanted so much a moment ago...“ She tenderly bites your earlobe. „But first let's go to the hot springs. Can you hold out until then, or do you want me to come on you right now?“

„Yes, she nods and takes a sip of her sake. „This hidden place was found by Lady Acier a long time ago. She was my mentor and we often trained together here in the volcano...“ Her eyes gaze absently at the night sky, where the first stars are already twinkling. „It was just the two of us. Not many people dare to come near this volcano.“ Mereoleona pauses again for a moment. Her expression seems almost sad for a moment, before she empties her cup of alcohol. „Sometimes... I really miss her. I always thought my attribute had an advantage over hers, but I was never able to win. I wonder if I could now?“

„It's beautiful out here,“ you comment as you slide your aching body into the warm water next to Mereo. It feels good on your painful limbs and you let out a pleasurable moan.

„ I can't imagine you being week to anyone.“

„But that's the way it is. I also had to start somewhere, “she says with a grin. „And I also had to learn that strength is not only about your physical abilities. But enough of me now. Tell me more about your training!“

You smile back, a little awkwardly, and start to talk about your last few months of exercise. Full of setbacks, but also a little bit of hope as your skills slowly improved and you were able to develop a strategy around your strengths. „When I realised that I could use the ability to create the scent of herbs and poisons to my advantage, I suddenly knew where to start. I am physically weak, but creating an odour to weaken my opponent is my only chance of getting the upper hand. So I expanded my collection of herbs and tried to get in better shape and build up my stamina. But now I know, and today's fight showed me, that I still have a long way to go. „

Mereo slaps you playfully on the shoulder. „That's the kind of fighting spirit I like to see. „

Awkwardly, you rub your upper arm and look at her affectionately as she wraps her arm around your waist and pulls you closer. Her other hand brushes a strand of hair away from your face before bringing it to your neck. Her lips touch yours in a tender kiss - unusual for Mereoleona's wild ways, which she always seems to copy from real lions.

„Promise me one thing,“ she whispers against your lips, her eyes still closed. „This time, your self-doubt is over. Please. Once and for all. You are so much more, (Y/N). “

You nod silently and lean into her for another kiss. More passionate than the last. Your tongue slides through her mouth, caressing hers softly but full of desire.

„I see, “ Mereoleona grins. „You really can't wait any longer, sweetheart. “

Her fingers, which had been resting on your neck, slowly move down, gently stroking your back as she leaves a trail of small bite marks on your neck and shoulders with her lips before pulling you onto her lap.

Your hands also wander up and down her back, stroking it tenderly with your fingertips before you wrap your arms around her neck.

„It's a good thing we're already naked, “she comments, „otherwise I'd have had to rip your clothes off. “

„ Also that needy? “

„Are you surprised? I've missed you too, you know...“

Her other hand caressed your butt before sliding between your legs from behind, knowing you like to be teased in that sensitive area. You lift your hips a little to give her better access to your perineum as she pauses for a heartbeat. „Oh? That wet already? “ She asks with a smirk before continuing more slowly but more intensely. She even slides a finger inside your vagina. „I can feel it even under water. And I haven't even started yet“.

A small moan leaves your mouth and you bite your lower lips. Your fingertips clench tighter, roughening the bare skin of her back. Getting her blood pumping too as you leave your marks. You can tell by the sound, similar to a lion's purr, that Mereoleona still likes to be roughly touched. She also enjoys the fact that just a few touches from her can make you so aroused, even though she likes challenges. But she knows too well that, all thought you get turned on this easily, to satisfy you is an whole other story. She loves teasing you. She loves to touch you and push you to your limits. Both on the battlefield and during lovemaking. And you love the sensations she brings to your body.

„Come on, you know I can make you feel even better..., “the lioness promises as you sit between her legs, pulling your chin up.

„Turn around, “she commands you. Despite liking the way she touches you at the moment and the way your nipples rub against her in this position, you do as she asks. But not without letting out a slight groan as Mereoleona pulls you into an intimate embrace.

With your head tilted back, resting on her shoulder to return her greedy kisses, her hands, which first pulled you into a quick, innocent embrace, now turn to your breasts. The touches she gives them are no longer so innocent. She teases your already hardened nipples, letting herself be carried away by lust so that the squeezes become stronger with each touch.

You moan softly and let go of her lips as your left fingers cling lightly to her shoulders. The other goes to her thighs. Lightly, but deep enough to leave your marks. The desire to touch her too swells inside you. So your hand finds its way back to her bottom. But not properly.

„That's not fair,“ you complain groaning, „I want to touch you too.”

„Later... Let me take care of you first.” She plants a few fleeting kisses on your shoulders and lets one of her hands slide slowly down your silhouette into the warm water. The other remains stubbornly on your breasts, teasing and caressing your sensitive nipples.

Her right hand moves to your vulva, massaging your inner lips and clitoris before sliding three of her fingers inside you.

„You're getting so tight down here, (Y/N). Come on - open up for me,“ she whispers into your ear, biting your earlobe gently. You allow yourself to sink into her embrace. Taking in all the sensation she is giving your body. Whine out loudly.

„Good girl.”

It's not just the thrill she gives you with her fingers filling and touching every inch of your insides, making you scream louder with each rapid heartbeat, but also her hot breath so close to your ear, the intimate embrace, her long lost but still loved scent of cinnamon and hot spices, but above all the warm water makes the feeling strange but excitingly intense. Your hips move forward, moving to the same rhythm as Mereoleona's fingers. You just can't get enough of her. Her movements speed up. Bringing you closer to release.

„Mereo...”, you cry. „Please... Let me finally come...“

Mereoleona stops briefly.

„Damn... You move way too much. I can't wait any longer.“

„Mereo?!“

Before you can react, she has pulled you out of the water and is pressing your back against the warm ground.

„I want to feel you too,“ she explains, spreading your legs again. „Can you hold on a little longer?“

Her face comes closer to yours and she leans her forehead against yours.

„Not really,“ you answer, tangling your fingers in her hair, „You know how much I want to do this to you too. So...“

You take the opportunity when Mereoleona gives you a confused look to push her down and take the dominant role.

„You know I want to make love to you too. So please - let me. “

The tips of your fingers stroke gently over Mereoleona's damp skin, teasing her nipples before you bend down to lick her breast, your lips finding their way to give them a greedy suck. Let her moan softly, like a snarling cat of prey.

Your hands go deeper, slowly parting her legs so your tongue can lick over her private parts, tasting her sweet nectar.

„I see - you are so wet already, “ you say with a soft smile on your lips, leaking provocatively over your upper lip. „Still so sweet - no one would expect you to be so delicious down there. “

You lower your head again and push your wet muscle into her. You slowly bring her to the edge. Enjoying the feel of her body shaking under your touch and the movements of your tongue. Enjoying her loud moans as her fingers tangle in your hair.

„You are too good. But this isn't what I had in mind when I pulled you out of the water...“

She pushes herself up on her forearms and leans over to you. Her fingers grab your chin and pull you up. Without saying a word, she kisses you hard on the lips before taking the control again. She forces you back down onto the hard but warm floor. Then she lifts one of your legs before slowly pressing her vulva against yours. A warm shiver runs down your spine and you bend your head. Give in to the sensation. You open your mouth to let out a loud sigh that Mereo smothers with a passionate kiss.

Her movements become faster and fiercer again, like a starving lioness. Wanting to feel her more, you move your hips too.

Breathing heavily, she lies down beside you. She puts an arm around your shoulders and plants a kiss on the top of your head.

The movements of Mereoleona, who loves you like a wild animal, accelerate. Increasingly excited by the feeling of naked skin against naked skin. Feeling her most intimate place against yours after such a long time...

„You've really challenged me every time we do this, ‘(Y/N),“ she says exhausted but with a smile on her lips.

„You too, Mereo,“ you reply with a tired chuckle.

„Did I tell you that my younger brother is awake again? I'm no longer the official captain of our squad. So...“ A thoughtful look crosses her face and she looks at you with expectant eyes. „We could train here together more often, if you like.“ „Or just look at the stars,“ you add with a tired groan, snuggling up to her and planting a soft kiss on her lips before gazing up at the star-filled night sky.

#black clover #creative wrting #x reader #mereoleona vermillion #x fem!reader #i dont know what i am doing #black clover smut #mereoleona x reader

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akaanonymouth · 8 months

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Jemma Redgrave's eyes bore into my soul as she very scathingly with a laugh pointed me out as a rock, and a very large part of me died right there and then when my heart shot right out of my body

#jemma redgrave #octopolis #the woman's a powerhouse in this play man #they were both utterly amazing the wrting is exceptional i was so invested from start to finish and not just the VERY GOOD Jemma bits lol #no spoilers but emotional whiplash about covers it yes jesus christ i am highly attached to this whole play

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idoweirdcrap · 1 month

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Im writing a fic on ao3, so if you wanna see it, lemme know and ill send u the link when its done. Bye! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

#free wrting #ao3 fanfic #lol #why am i like this

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twisted-wonderland-but-gayer · 1 year

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floyd needs to stop acting like the childe to yuu's traveller. "oH i'Ll GeT tHeM nExT wEek" no you won't stop lying to yourself 🙄🙄

Yuu has too much condensed rage to ever lose. Theyre magicless and work minimum wage.

#sometging malicous is brewing in my drafts guys i am wrting angst #not writing #not requests

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tiodolma · 1 year

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I saw a comment on the bedroom scene from 3x01 saying:

"Morgana, why can’t you just see that Merlin is hurting for you!”

...that’s what happens when the show focuses on Merlin’s POV so much 😂. The audience will always just sympathise with him and his anguish... the other aggrieved party will just have to understand him for the most part, just as we the audiences are supposed to feel what he feels. (Tbf He is The Protagonist After All)

What he feels always seem to be more important than all the hurt, anger and confusion Morgana dealt with after he poisoned and abandoned her.

This reminds me of Prose Merlin!Merlin’s constant anguish actually 😅

#mergana #bbc merlin #bbc morgana #thots #merlin be like woe with me i am so sad i loved too greatly i am but a fool #and then he commits war crimes #this is why i think bbc merlin wrting is genius in its own right

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santaclaushohoho1 · 9 months

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Writing blog #10:

I wish I could tell you all that I haven't been lying to your faces, that I have made significant progress in the world building, that I have a list of plot points so long that I think it might have to be multiple books, that I have fully fleshed out religions, that I have a list of cultures, that I have a list of races, that I have a list of fantasy creatures, and that I can finally start writing

So I will

Because I have all that

And I am going to start writing on Sunday (after backpacking trip)

This is the last of the large writing blogs you'll get from me I think

As Ive been doing this, it has gotten harder and harder to writing things in depth

I don't want to give anything away, this is simply a way to get me responsible and accountable

And it has worked so far

Thank you guys for stickin with me so far

Now stars Arc 2 of this blog, The Hard Part

Writing 750 words a day, 5 days a week, consistently, until it is done

This will be hard

I will miss days

I might give up

Please, for the love of God, pester me about this! I need to be held accountable from know on

If I missed a day, insult me

Call me a bubble head

Tell me I'm high and drunk and shouldn't be allowed to drive

PLEASE!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen

That is all for today

We are done with the pregame baby

#santa's writing blog #I did it!#novel writing #worldbuilding #creative wrting #writing blog #writing #i am so happy #I actually fucking did it #I've never done anything this organized and gotten this far in it when it comes to writing #Your fault progamer

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missmahgenta · 1 year

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

Remember when I said I wished to see a rewritten version of My Immortal? No? Alright- anyways, I was playing with that idea and decided to design Ebony and Willow (gotta make sure that they have something of their uniform with them right?). Also, I believe that Willow doesn’t have a cannon surname, so I gave her one, though I’m not sure if it’s goffik enough. Any suggestions are quite welcome!

#ebony dark'ness dementia raven way #artists on tumblr #digital fanart #procreate #creative wrting #writers on tumblr #fanfic #my immortal #tara gilesbie #harry potter fanfiction #goffik #Ebony x Willow am I right?#rewrite #fanfic of a fanfic #well kinda

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duple-man · 1 year

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The room was silent everyone in the cafeteria was staring at one person in particular and then as if the very deps of hell itself has bean called up into one statement someone said "HE SAID THE FUCK WORD, GET HIM."

Doom music started playing in the background as the cafeteria turned into a metaphorical and literal bloodbath as comically large spoons were thrown at alarmingly high speeds, for now dawned the age of, The Fuckening.

#creative wrting #writing promt #i am an artist #lol #mood #sleep deprived

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shewhomustnotbenamedsworld · 1 year

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Last night I had this dream where the planets realigned and it caused the world to cease to exist as we know it. I’m talking like the oceans became dried, hollowed, carcasses of what once was. Once a bottomless yet enigmatic graveyard for dreams that couldn’t come true. So, they were submerged so that no one could ever find them unless they carried a likeness of that in their own head. In the beginning, I searched for safety with an admirer who I thought understood the burdensome weight that I held inside me. The seismic sea wave came pummeling down on us, almost drowning us both. I laid them on top of a withered old greenhouse untamed on the inside. It had an assortment of things growing unseen by the mortal eye— harsh, uncontrollable, too abundant for the small room it was given, but somehow bound to just that space because it had no other choice. I turned my back to him because I felt like my work wasn’t done and needed to search further. As I looked to where he once was I saw him no more, because then it dawned on me that he was never there in the first place. I wept on the rusted yet opaque glass as I tried to decipher the containments of it, yet realized it was the sheer piece of my heart that still hopes and dreams unfoundedly. I left there and tried to find a sense of safety that didn’t feel like upchucking gallons upon gallons of salty water that would swallow me whole. I visited friends on my journey upon this now desolate place of what we called Earth. I settled and gave them parts of myself that I loved, so they would know some comfort in a world that seemed like it didn’t have any anymore. I rested and made myself a space in upper floors of libraries that held water damaged books, and top carts of ferris wheels that overlooked the sunset. As soon as I felt like I could breathe again, the water would always come back or adjust without reverence forcing me up uproot and continue on. I passed by celebrated structures that once held thousands of memories inside its walls, that were now only just those memories and nothing more. I ventured in all the spots I used to call favorites and now saw them as places of hollowed ground where I could seek sanctuary for a bit. I made my way in the houses I grew up in and reveled at the girl I was before. She didn’t hold onto as much as the Me that is now. I was stricken with sadness knowing that those lost pieces of me were suffocated long ago, and that they could never come back because the sea inside me demanded for more room. I finally reached my loved ones and embraced their tear stained faces. Time had surely worn me and I was not the same girl they had last seen. They could not stay as I had discovered a way to ensure their welfare for good, and that was by distancing them from me. Because seconds before leaping to them, I had realized I controlled the water all along. That the water was merely following itself to where it belonged—that was within me.

#poetry #sad thoughts #self healing #deep thoughts #free wrting #1 am feels #deep mind

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just-a-domesticated-cryptid · 2 years

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“Grief is stored in the lungs.” I read this forever ago, but my lungs are home to a different kind of pain.

I store my regret in my lungs in the form of heavy stones that sink deep into my alveoli. With each apology or “I love you” I couldn’t word, with each goodbye, for each failure that could have been avoided, my lungs get heavier and heavier. It’s getting harder to breathe because I carry stones I cannot let go of.

Cut me open. Slash across my body. Let my stones fall out of me until I can taste only my blood and sorrow in the back of my throat.

Then I may breathe.

I wonder if I’m broken because I store my emotions in all the wrong places.

I place my wrath in the chambers of my heart, let it pump the anger until it take over my whole body. I feel it burn underneath my skin, sour anger mixing with bitter blood. A disease I cannot escape no matter how much I bleed.

As long as my heart is still beating, my rage will continue to burn within me.

I keep my grief in my hands in the shape of sharp crystals. The tighter I hold on to the past, to the people I loved, the deeper the cuts, the more I bleed. It’s the most painful of all, but it’s the easiest to let go of. And the easiest to pick up again.

I bleed because I am sad and angry and because I love. Bleeding means feeling. It means I an still alive, that my anger is still pushed by a beating heart, that my regret filled lungs still work, in spite of heaviness I carry.

I have toxicity flow through my body, sticky like black tar, so venomous I question my own humanity, but I can still find love on the tip of my tongue, my fingers, in my chest cavity, warm and sweet.

No matter how poisonous I can be, I am still capable of tenderness.

#my writing #sadgirl #writeblr #writers on tumblr #creative wrting #idk anymore #i am just as confused #i am so tired #it’s been a long time

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hasarjunadoneanythingwrong · 2 years

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Don't forget that Kama is fighting off Sakura's urge to jump Shirou/Muramasa because of how Shiva his aura is. Kama is not in a good spot when she's fighting many battles that are rigged.

tbh that was one line for summer kama and was specifically lampshading the body she’s currently using, I don’t think it actually means she herself is attracted to him (as fucking hilarious as some peoples reactions to it were. For a fandom so fixated on ntr they sure to hate it if the person cucking them isn’t ugly or a bitch)

so I DID finally find someone who actually knows some stuff and there’s at least one actually researched book that links the two, so there’s at least a stronger connection between them than the. Scathach-Skadi thing

i think my disappointment w it is less bc they mixed them and more bc of how she and her character have been handled overall-she’s a very neat concept but it’s just :|. Ooku was billed as a prelude to lb4, and would’ve been a great time to introduce concepts like dharma, the yugas, Hindu mythology, the different devis, the four Purusharthas that should guide a persons life….and they didn’t bc instead they made it all about Buddhist symbolism and religious thought, in a Japanese setting. In a game that already runs very heavy on both Buddhist themes and Japanese motifs, in a franchise that has whole games dedicated to exploring specific aspects of Buddhism (CCC). It was crushingly disappointing for me as someone desperately hoping for even a lick of something else

And yes, hindusim and buddhism do have a lot of overlap with each other, but at the same time there’s enough of a difference that I think it would’ve been really significant if fate had bothered to explore those differences in any depth. I mentioned the Purusharthas earlier, as guidelines/aims of human life- did you know one of them is literally called kama? In hindusim kama is such a pervasive force that love and pleasure are even recognized as something humans should strive towards as part of being a balanced existence-if anything would it not make more sense for kama to loathe the Buddhist side that turned her into a malevolent demon, rather than the Hindu side that elevated her to the universe? If they’re going to fuse her with ants they should really explore what that means for both sides of who she is and what she represents!

Yeah but I’ll forgive the fsn bait this time bc it was really funny to only put it on the tsundere waifubait summer alt, pissing off a bunch of nerds

#my asks #i am once again wrting a fucking essay

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amunyan · 3 months

Text

Yeah... I go for an other Fanfic again...

The person she trusts most... (1/3)

The air is scorching hot and the disgusting smell of sulphur brings tears to your eyes.

„Ugh, you think to yourself, trying not to vomit. Both the heat and the smell make it hard for you to breathe.

„The ultimate volcano... An active volcano, as we can easily see,“ you mutter to yourself as you watch the lava bubble up again and again. „Yes, I've come to the right place. “

Anyone else would have made you suspicious. You might even have thought you were at the wrong location. But any other person wouldn't have suggested an active volcano as a place to meet. It was even somehow typical of her, Mereoleona Vermillion. You would have been more surprised if she had ordered you to a romantic forest lake with ducks quacking happily.

„She really is crazy, “you remark, still a little paralyzed. „Do I really want to go there?“

You wrap yourself in your magic, keeping it tightly drawn around you to protect you from the high temperatures, but also from the strong mana of your surroundings. To make it a little more bearable, even if you still find it hard to fight the enormous heat with your plant attribute.

“She called it Manaskin...”, you remember. A magic technique that Mereoleona tried to teach you before you split up in a fight.

„If you don't stop beating yourself up, I can't help you. All you do is complain and moan. “

„But my magic is weak. I can't do anything. “

„Nonsense! Your magic isn't weak. You're just full of self-doubt. That's why you can't control it. That's why you've never tried to go beyond your limits. You've never even approached them. “

„But... I'm trying. You see? I train hard to be acknowledged by you. So that you...“ Your voice broke as you looked at her with tears in your eyes. „Mereo… We spent so much time together. We did a lot of training together... we even had an intimate relationship. Mereo... I really love you. I would do anything to be loved by you.”

„You stupid little... It doesn't work that way! Tell me, how can anyone acknowledge your abilities if even you don't believe in them? “

„But... If you just tell me that I've grown... That I'm strong. I would start to believe...“

„That's not my job, “ she replied gruffly. „Try to accept yourself first - not the other way around. And when you've done that, we can talk again. “

With those words she had left you alone. Unclear whether she was just so damn angry with you, or because of the letter she had received earlier that day. A message about her younger brother, who had been so badly injured that she had to take over the order of the crimson lions for him.

Since then, a couple of months have gone by. Almost a year...

You wonder if she still remembers you: "Or has she already forgotten me? The first question I should ask is whether she's even here. Or is she too busy to come?"

Despite these questions swirling in your head, you take the first step onto the hot, rocky ground to search for Mereo, feeling something other than that hellish mana - a warm, familiar feeling that has grown so close to your heart.

„That answers the question of 'if' and 'whether'...“, you consider, „She's here...“ A painful smile appeared on your lips, and with this certainty, at least the first doubts were removed.

„I have to be careful, I know her, she has a tendency to attack you out of nowhere...“ You strengthen your defences and a light scent of lavender and other herbs envelops you; A sweet-smelling potpourri to mask the foul aroma of a completely different herb. An herb whose scent alone is poisonous and intoxicating enough to stun. The foul odour of the golden, but highly poisonous Angelic Taraxacum. Although your trait is herbal magic, you have used your knowledge of plants to find the most poisonous herbs and use them in your magic. What you have acquired is almost comparable to poison magic. You can summon any herb and imitate its scent. Provided you have touched it before and immortalised it in your Grimoire...

„I hope this works...“ you mumble, still unsure and uncomfortable with your battle strategy in this area.

Barely three steps later, a flaming beast rushes towards you as if it came out of nowhere. So fast, you probably wouldn't have noticed it before. But you activate your defences at the right moment and block its playful attack.

„So you actually dared to come here, “a wide smile flits across Mereoleonas lips.

„Of course I did. I wanted to show you that I've grown stronger, “you reply with a thin voice and a narrowed eye.

„Well then... Let's see what you've learned, my sweet. “She jumps back, keeping her distance and allowing her fiery mana to flare up.

You get into a fighting stance too, spreading your legs a little and bending your knees to get a firm foothold. Your heart pounds in your throat. You are nervous. Not only because of Mereo, but also because of your surroundings. „ I have never trained in such an extreme environment. Not to mention fought. One false step and I'll be barbecued. But... I've trained so hard every day for this. I can trust myself and my abilities. I'm ready for this fight!" The grim expression on your face, which you had just used to stare at the lava in fear, turns to pure determination. You show this to your opponent, who gets probably even more energized by this.

„Very nice! I like you like that! You really seem to have grown a lot since we last met. Not just your mana, but your whole aura seems much more confident. But will that be enough for you to fight me? “

„I hope so, “you call out to her as you prepare for her attack. The adrenaline rushes through your veins as she launches her first move. Fast and silent like a lion on the hunt. Her movements used to terrify you. You couldn't keep up. Time and time again you have been defeated by Mereoleona with ease. But today, the rush of adrenaline has only made you stronger and sharpened your senses. You can dodge her attack and launch a counterattack.

„Blossoms of Oblivion, “you call out, and your Grimoire flips to the page with the spell. A split second later, you envelop her in a swirling column of colorful petals. Sharp-edged little leaves, but they can do little harm to the undefeated lioness Mereo.

She swings her flaming fist at you, not only piercing the swirling herbs, but burning them as well. You barely manage to dodge a follow-up attack by diving away.

Stepping aside you and try to improve your manaskin in this harsh environment. To take it to the next level, so that you are no longer tied to the ground by the manazone. „This technique that Mereoleona tried to teach me back then. It took me an awfully long time to understand it and an even longer time to use it. Will I be able to do it here in this mana-rich area? I can't let her down. No... Most of all, I can't let myself down“.

You pushed yourself to the limit. Even keeping your manaskin up in this heat was hard. Even harder in this battle - so many things to focus on just to stay alive. Another attack seems rather difficult to handle. At least for now.

„I just need a little more time to get the hang of it. I don't need to be perfect. Just wait for a good opportunity to attack her. And while I wait, the scent of the herbs will make her tired and make it easier for me. Hopefully...“

The battle continues. Even though you're both mages, you fight with your bare hands. Especially Mereoleona, who more or less only uses her magic to enhance her physical abilities. She's more like a very skilled boxer who fights with flame-covered fists.

It was she who taught you the basics of combat. So your style is quite similar. But not the level of your power. Not even close, as you will now discover to your horror. „Damn it... Her mana rate is increasing way too fast?! I can't keep up my defence. Her mana is completely wiping out mine...”

Panic began to creep in. Even though you had told yourself not to rush, now you are. You want it to be over quickly. The smell of your herbs grows stronger. And a little out of control; because Mereoleona notices it too.

A knowledge smirk crosses her lips. „I see what you were trying to do, (Y/N). Nice strategy. But... Does it really do any good against this? “

You swallow as you notice a drastic change in her mana.

„To be honest, I've been putting a lot of effort into my training too. I've been pushing my bounderis harder than ever for an upcoming battle against some devils...“

„That's not possible, “you stumble and take a few steps back. Your legs and body tremble at the sight of Mereo. She wasn't just covered in mana or in control of it. No. She's become pure, fiery mana.

Your scent of poisonous herbs, which had enveloped her to support her in the duel, was burned away by her heat in a fraction of a second.

Slowly the heat penetrates your defences. You find it harder and harder to maintain. Thick beads of sweat form on your forehead and you begin to feel the first twinges of self-doubt.

"Hey! Concentrate!" Mereoleona shouts at you. "The moment you lose your manaskin, the heat will burn you to a crisp! Don't be afraid of me. You know I would never seriously hurt you. So come and show me all your power!"

Mereoleonas words have jolted you out of your rising despair. You see her challenging gaze, which encourages you to continue. With a silent nod, you concentrate again. You gather your mana tightly around you. One last time for this fight, you try to go beyond your limits. You want to use all your remaining mana for one last attack. Although you expect it to be pointless.

„But maybe it will catch them off guard...“ This thought was enough for you to give it a try.

„Herbs of Doom, “you call again. Your Grimour lights up and flips through the pages, a vortex of blossoming leaves enveloping you.

„Again? I thought you'd learned more? “The scream of the lioness was full of disappointment. But you know better. This attack was not only your defence. The moment Mereos Attack would hit you, the herb storm would grab her. Besides, the little herbs were not only sharp, but also poisonous and caustic to the touch.

„I don't think they could seriously hurt her, but they might give me a chance for a surprise attack...“

Your opponent comes closer. As her punch penetrates your defences, you send a swirl of herbs at her. She wasn't expecting that, and you use the split second it takes for the herbs to turn into small fireballs to catch up and strike with your right fist. You aim for her face. „She'd have no problem taking it, and I’ve already gotten one or two purples from her, “you think, and hit her with everything you have. And you hit her. About half. Your fist grazes Mereoleonas cheek. You don't even feel it yourself because of the heat. And you've closed your eyes because you don't want to see for yourself.

A mistake. A serious mistake. Because of course you can't see how she clenches her fist to counter. The fist lands with full force in the pit of your stomach. You can't breathe for a few moments and water shoots into your eyes. And if you weren't already blinking, you probably would have been now.

The force of Mereos Flame Fist throws you back a few meters. You manage to scramble to your feet, but you stumble and stagger back another two or three steps as you take your final step, unable to feel the ground beneath your feet. Nothing but crumbling rocks falling into the bubbling hot lava beneath you. Frantically, you flail your arms, trying to catch yourself, but the blow of the attack was too strong. Making you lose your balance and fall.

You don't even have to try for a mana zone, as your manaskin slowly dissolves and the heat of the lava welcomes you with its greedy claws.

„That's it, “you think to yourself, “that was the wrong move to turn me into a BBQ. Shit...“

#black clover #creative wrting #x reader #mereoleona vermillion #x fem!reader #i dont know what i am doing

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