#am i weird abt doctor who yes but it IS weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spectrumgarden · 2 months

Text

Idk how to say this but like. I'm so tired of it having to be self advocacy self advocacy self advocacy. Having to convince my carer people are being infantilizing. Having to painstakingly talk to carer. Full hour tonight a lot was try explain and explain with AAC that yes people treat different now! Yes it is because visible autism now! No people did not treat like this 4-5 years ago! Didnt even treat this much 2-3 years ago. Yes it actually problem ! She should be the one who want to change these things who advocate FOR ME. instead have take 15 minutes explain again and again that yea need support communicate yeah need her help NO does not mean doctor should keep treat it like I'm not in the room n talk abt me like not able to hear. Literally am communicating with them. Answer questions often. But still. Then They start talking and talking about treatment and things and more and more i look around office I rock I twirl hands I stare out of window look at ceiling look at bookshelf behind touch the table edges trace them make little sound play with sleeves .... regulate self during situation where have to pay strong attention mentally. still nod if say "understand?" Cause understand. But even that. Doesnt mean enough. See stim see weird see "doesn't look mentally pay attention" stop address me ever. Only talk to carer stop looking at me. Stop asking me if understand. Go from "this your option, this your diagnosis" etc to "this this persons option, this this persons diagnosis" as if discuss person who isnt part there. As if havent been doing best to communicate. And when tell carer carer go ! But here is excuses! Heres so many excuses!

I dont care about excuses! I dont want carer who does not ever for self realize this even happen, or in way that maybe not like! I dont want carer have to convince convince drag out approval that deserve to be talked to even if dont look pay attention, even if sometimes she need answer complex thing, even if she need to do much of "establishing full back n forth" I still do take part! I do!

Tired of carer say things like oh well child educators like me often talk about kid like kid does not hear when they seem focus on task. When other childhood educator neighbor talk abt you like you not hear bc u look focus is just that because is habit to talk that simply! When dont talk about adults like that! I never heard u talk abt adults like that! It's the observing children voice. And that actually fucked up if use for me just because I stim stim stim focus on things u dont see. Other 22 year old who dont stim like that dont move like that dont use AAC like that would never talk about the way make observation about kid. Have to explain to carer this not good. Self advocacy. I'm tired I dont want self advocacy. But If i dont do no one does. If i dont say need more support no one care. If I dont say dont treat me like that no one does.

#long post #not proof read rn cant b bother #love how language goes . bleh whenever upset like this #totally gonna help get people take serious when sound like this / sarcasm

16 notes · View notes

notyoung-neil · 3 months

Text

Ooc:

AM I YAPPIN ABT YOUNG NEIL HEADCANNONS INSTEAD OF WORKING OR SLEEPING?! YEAHH LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOOOOO

If you fucking know me or see my ACC (and my other blog accs) yk I love the OG ships like jophen/ startech (joseph x stephen) mobillce (mobile x wallace) and maybe a few other non-cannon ships like kimona (Kim x romona) and...fuck idk the ship name for hollie x roxie or Kim x Lisa but yeah those too. For neil, personally, I'm a nordegrim shipper :)) Sorry, neilphen fans :((

Since I imagine he's still on collage I assume he's taking sonthing/ changed courses into somthing more...movie thing? Idk. Mainly working with cameras, screen writing, anything movie based or whatever

Since for Joe I made him Hispanic, other scott as Chinese, I don't really know what to do for the quirky silly little guy like neil. Gimme some ideas if y'all ever see this

Has attachment issues. Or fear of being left alone or not included

He has eczema that flairs up during the winter. Sometimes, he cries silently because of how itchy he is and doesn't like the cream the doctors told him to use because it's a weird texture he isn't comfortable with

Whenever stephen is back home from work, they usually sit down and watch movies together or during dinner. Young neil yaps about a movie, and stephen replies with a dry and simple "mhm, " "yeah", "that's cool -" and sometimes the occasional questions. Neil doesn't mind since he knows stephen is tired

He sometimes steals money from stephen but not all the time. He pays stephen back quickly by making some dinner (that he fucked up)

Favorite games have to be anything RPG based and zelda. Maybe he also got into the virtual world hype like UB funkies, webkinz, neopets, or club penguin (mainly UB funkies)

If he dose have a job I imagine he'd work at the second cup just to hang out with Stacy more, maybe a comic book store, or at no account video with Kim so he can watch more movies for free

I imagine his interest related friends has to be hollie (bc I see hollie also being a cinaphile), Joseph (because he wants to learn how to operate cameras and stuff and make it look cool by editing) and Jimmy (fellow zelda and starwars fan)

He has acne/ acne scars and back acne (I think that's the term) and he always picks/scratches at it

Speaking of picking. He always picks at his fingers and sometimes peels off a good chunk to the point it is bleeding bad, so he has bandaids on his hands and fingers most of the time. He doesn't mind which sorta bandaid. He likes the colorful ones that have like a character on it, but he worries if he might be too distracting for him when he's in class

I love how ironic it is for him to wear a heart on his sleeve sorta shirt even though he doesn't really show his feelings that often. He has the same ass stare all the time, and I think it's silly. So I just imagine he would say whatever is in his head without second thought, or he would mumble it if he thinks it's weird. So whenever he talks about his feelings, like how he feels about the whole "band abandoning him" situation, he actually means It and doesn't really hide it at all.

Steph (Neil's older sister) got him a pair of headphones bc thier parents were always fighting and a Walkman so he can listen to some music. He still uses those headphones to this day even though their broken in half, the sound quality is terrible and the ear puff thingy is crumbling

Whenever he goes out to the mall or out with anyone, he either has his hands in his pocket or out, bc someone has to grab onto his wrist so he wouldn't stop and stare at things (it's mainly Stephen and Kim who has to grip onto his wrist and drag him along. He dont mind tho :/ meanwhile stacy just holds onto his hand and stares with him)

Whenever stephen has a day off and he sees neil playing video games, he asks neil if he finishes his homework. If neil says no, stephen takes away his Gameboy color, keep it in his room and tell him to do his homework. If yes then stephen would just shrug it off, ruffle his hair up and say "ight, cool"

Neil was probably the first to find out that stephen was gay when stephen brought Joseph over (make of that as you will)

He writes movie reviews online and hopes people will see em but his writing skills are ass and he just describes whatever he can and think "yeah that's good enough"

Stephen treats neil like family since well, steph (Neil's older sister) isn't in contact with him that much. And because of the name similarities, neil just treats stephen like steph

His "stuffy" are those hot rubber water bottles (I forgor the name but you pour hot water into them and they help you with cramps and aches and shit-) with a wool sleeve wrapped around it

Since this rp acc is a bit related to the stephen acc. He likes bone crusher a lot! Since he mainly stays home, he has a new buddy to talk to and hang out with. But he leaves all the chores to stephen like cleaning out the litter box or something

Ever since he found out stephen had a cat he was pissed that stephen named the cat "bone crusher" not Link, Skull Kid,Meowth,Litten or Shinx or somthing cool like that but he continues to call bone crusher, bone crusher.

He has a bike and takes it to his college campus. He has the gear for it, too. Helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, and gloves. Stephen said if he doesn't wear em he'll get into an accident, and that scared neil

Idk why, but i imagine him being the type to collect... something! Maybe anything to fill up his already messy room!

He's a maximalist (I think that's how you spell it), as you can see from his room

OUGHHH, I CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN MAKING NEIL A DEMI BOY OR MAKING NEIL TRANS FTM AJXJWJXKWKXKWKKXKS

I imagine he has those window markers to doodle on his window or to doodle out ideas for another screen play

I imagine him and Stacy are pretty much on the platonic and cute relationship wise. Holding hands, cuddling all that sorta stuff and stacy likes to listen to Neil's rambles about movies and how good/bad they are

Neil likes it whenever he receives gifts :DDD and tries to pay back by acts of service or something idk. Even if it's his birthday or Christmas he makes sure he owes everybody a equal amount. For example (*COUGH COUGH* DS SITUATION) he's gotta pay back stephen by taking care of bone crusher for a day maybe, doing Stephen's chores and stuff

Not a neil headcannon but I imagine stacy trying to watch the movies neil recommend her so she can catch up and talk to neil abt it and I think it's really cute and sweet :DDD

Yk damn well he's got a BIG ASS forehead underneath all that hair. Justin Bieber lookin ah. No wonder why young neil is Canadian/j

Also not a neil headcannon. But I imagine everyone calling stephen, STEVEN (IDK HOW STEPHENS NAME IS PRONOUNCED. IS IT STEVEN OR STEPH-EM WJKDWKDJWN) that includes neil but Joseph calls stephen by his last name (stills) (joseph just calls everyone by thier last names to seem fancy and shit expect for Neil's. He just calls neil, kid or just neil because he doesn't know to how to read Neil's last name nor say it so...he just calls neil, neil)

Bases around one headcannon I saw. I forgor what acc and where it came from (I'll go ahead and credit them if I find it it) but since neil had like parents who always fought or is strict as hell he perfected the ways of walking around the house quiet af and accidentally scars ppl bc of this

#nordegrim #stephen stills #headcannons #young neil #ooc #scott pilgrim the anime #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim young neil #scott pilgrim headcanons #cringe ah #im writing this at 10pm i should go to sleep now :/#...bojack horsemens neil mcbeal the navy seal :)))#i cant just say NEILS NAME WITHOUT THINKUNG OF THE NEIL FROM BOJACKNWJZJWKDKKW

14 notes · View notes

petrichor-idyllic · 1 year

Note

hihi ^^

so i have another request but for spiderman (mcu) where it takes place post no way home, basically fem!reader doesnt end up losing her memory abt peter and she's always been by his side even after everything. But peter thought she would just lose her memory as well so when she finds him one day he gets shocked and emotional and the whole thing's js fluffy, comfort with some hurt/angst

i dont mean to rush or anything cuz u prolly have other reqs😭 but i js came up with this rn and wanted to drop it to u <33

Oh my god, a request not for the Maze Runner??? My time has come. I'm joking, I love writing for TMR, but there is a range of universes I write for on my masterlist and I'm actually thinking of updating it, so keep an eye out :))

LONG TIME COMING

MASTERLIST | PETER PARKER MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Takes place after the events of No Way Home.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, teenage angst and loneliness, sad times.

You'd known Peter Parker your whole life.

You went to the same pre-school, kindergarten, middle school and high school together. You were connected at the hip for life, even when Ned joined in with your little group.

When you and Ned accidentally found out that Peter is Spiderman, neither of you knew how to react or what to do. But, over time, you all got used to it.

Ned used to always tease you because he thought you had a crush on Peter. You always brushed him off and told him he was dumb, until Peter started to crush on MJ. You weren't even bothered when he liked Liz, but that was different.

MJ was like you guys. A loser and a nerd who was smart and sarcastic, and she was gorgeous. Peter loved her, and when they started dating after MJ figured out he was Spiderman, you didn't have a chance.

Then Mysterio leaked Peter's face and he was desperate to change that. Seeking out Doctor Strange and accidentally causing a tear in the Multiverse.

You met his other universe counterparts, and enemies, and everything changed after that.

Peter vanished.

Your best friend for your whole life had disappeared.

But the weird thing was no one seemed to care. No one even remembered him.

MJ, Ned, everyone you went to school with- nothing.

You asked MJ day in, day out, you spoke to Ned about him all the time. But they just thought you were losing your mind or that this boy was someone you'd met and had mistakenly thought you'd introduced.

But you knew Peter. You heard the spell Docter Strange had cast- but you remembered him. Somehow, his spell left you unaffected.

Maybe it was a strange override- you'd known him your whole life, so without Peter, you'd have no memories left. And that would definitely be suspicious. Or maybe it was how close the two of you were, some unspoken rule that you can't forget the one you love most.

Peter was your entire life- he is your entire life.

And now he's gone.

But if Peter taught you anything, it's that you can't give up. He's got to be somewhere in the city, and you're going to keep looking, no matter how big New York may be.

"You're going out again?" You mother stands in the doorway of the living room of your small apartment. You've been fighting with your shoes for the last couple of minutes, accidentally waking her up. "It's very early."

"I have to, Mom, I can't waste any time-"

"I know, I know," she sighs. Your mother is your biggest supporter, but even she is doubtful. "This... boy, your friend that no one remembers- an Avenger, a superhero. You have to find him, but... but, sweetheart, are you sure that-?"

"Yes, I'm sure- no, I'm not losing my mind, even if everyone thinks I am. I'm going to find him, if it's the last thing I do." You put your foot down, standing with your arms crossed.

Your mother sighs. "Okay- but at least wear a coat; it's horrendous out there."

You give her a sheepish smile, then a nod. Grabbing your coat off of the hook in front of your door, you pull it over your shoulders. You open the door, slamming it behind you and taking to the streets, once again.

Darkness still consumes the rougher area you live in, sunlight just starting to peek over the buildings. Your mother was right; the rain beats down on the stone streets, sending a chill through you as it sinks in through your jeans- your coat keeps your upper body dry, though.

You prefer the mornings. It's still quiet, the only people about are coming home from night shifts or having to make early commutes to work. On your days off from work, this is how you spend your time. Walking the streets every chance you can get. Every chance you've had for the last few months.

The only hint you got was when a strange boy came into MJ's work. You just knew it had to be Peter, but you were too busy covering a shift to be there.

As the shops start to open, businesses coming into full swing, the creeping thought that this might be another day wasted starts to take over. You're starting to think you're never going to see him again.

You should've said something. Before him and MJ started dating, you should've realised your feelings sooner and told him how much he meant to you- maybe then he would have come looking for you as well.

You stand outside a corner shop, taking the moment to check your phone. MJ has sent a picture of the view from MIT with Ned in it. You smile. Your friends went to college and whilst you stay in touch, you chose to start working after school to help your mother instead.

And to stay and look for Peter.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Miss," the voice strikes you as you look up. You blink repeatedly like you're imagining it.

Peter stands, having just come out of the shop, a bag of groceries in his hands as he talks to a woman he's just bumped into by mistake. You'd think his Spider Sense would make him less clumsy.

They have a brief interaction, before she slips past him and into the store. And he, of course, holds the door open for her.

"Peter," your voice barely comes out as a croak, watching him adjust his bag to carry it easier. "Peter!" You scream.

He freezes, looking up and meeting your eye as you stand in the pouring rain.

It's him. You can't believe it's him.

"(Y/N)?" He stands in some form of disbelief, completely unable to process that you just said his name.

"Peter!" You move forward, jogging towards him. You throw your arms around him, making him stumble backwards as he stiffens for a second.

In a heartbeat, his shopping scatters to the floor, his strong arms encasing you, pulling you in closer.

"(Y/N), oh my God," he mumbles into your damp hair. He pulls away, his hands on your shoulders as tears threaten to fall from your eyes. "How..? I don't understand- you remember me?"

You nod, frantically. "Of course, I do."

"But... how? How is that possible?"

"I-I don't know," you shake your head, your emotions finally caving as tears roll down your cheeks.

He pulls you back into a hug, clinging onto you like he never has before.

"Why didn't you come and find me?" You sob into his shoulder. "You spoke to MJ and Ned, I know you did." You sniff. "Why didn't you find me?"

"I-I couldn't... it's hard to explain," he sighs, pulling away again. "How about we talk about it somewhere dry, hm? I've got a place not too far away."

You give a stiff nod after a moment's hesitation. "Okay."

Peter's place is somehow worse than yours. It's a shitty one room apartment with a bed, a desk and a kitchen in the same vicinity.

"Nice place," you attempt to joke to break the awkward tension from the mainly silent walk here.

He scoffs in response. "It's not much... but, yanno, it'll do." He takes his jacket it off, hanging it up. "Here, give me your coat." You obey, taking it off and handing it to him for him to do the same.

He sits on the end of his bed. "Guess I better explain why I've not found you, huh?"

"I mean, it'd be appreciated." You rock on your heels, staying where you're stood instead of joining his side.

"I just... I couldn't..." He lets out a deep sigh. "When I saw MJ and Ned in the café, I was almost relieved you weren't there. Standing there and watching them have no idea who I was... hurt. It hurt so much. But it would've been so much worse if you were there. I couldn't bare the thought of looking at you and you not knowing who I was. Looking at me like I'm a complete stranger- I could handle MJ and Ned," he pauses, looking at you as you step closer.

Standing in front of him, he reaches for your hands, taking them in his and playing with the old ring he gave you as a birthday gift. He smiles slightly, the fact you still wear it warming him.

"But, I couldn't handle it with you." He looks up. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't face you as a stranger. My (Y/N) looking at me like I don't know anything -everything- about her?" He shakes his head, pushing his lips into a thin line. "I just... couldn't."

"I remember you. You should've."

He snorts. "Yeah, well, I know that now, don't I? You found me instead. Guess you've learnt something from me."

"Not really," you scoff. "I looked for you. Everyday for months since you vanished. I felt crazy- everyone thinks I'm losing my mind. But I knew I wasn't; I had to find you."

"I can't believe the spell didn't work on you," he chuckles lightly, and you grin, laughing too,in disbelief more than anything.

"Must be special," you joke, giving him a mischievous grin.

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I coulda told ya that."

Your face suddenly becomes serious. All of your feelings for Peter flooding back in the damn breaks. It's rolling over in your mind. You swore you would tell him how you felt when you found him, that you should've done it earlier.

But now, him sitting in front of you, still playing with your fingers like they're a fidget toy, you don't know if you can.

"Hey," his voice is soft, easily able to see the internal anguish you're facing. "I know that face," he nudges you, letting his hands fall to his sides. "What's wrong?"

You shake your head, taking in a deep breath. "You know, when I lost you, I thought over and over what I'd say when I found you again. And..." You trail off.

"And what? You can tell me anything, that hasn't changed."

"I know," you huff, "and I know that you're probably still in love with MJ, and I get that but... screw it, I have to tell you. I like you. More than just a friend, and it shouldn't have taken you getting a girlfriend and vanishing off of the face of the Earth for me to realise."

You look at him, in the eyes, his expression is blank but you keep going.

"I love you, Peter Parker. And I think I always have."

"You... love me?"

"You don't have to love me back. I get it, but I just had to tell you just in case I don't get another chance and lose you again."

He laughs.

Like, he actually laughs at you, making you feel even more insecure.

"What? Why are you..? Okay, it's not that funny, asshole."

"I'm not.." He grins, leaning forward before standing up, making you step back. "I've had a crush on you since we were five. I've wanted you for as long as I can remember, but I figured you didn't feel the same- I mean, you didn't act like you did. So, I tried pushing it down, dating other girls. A-and MJ meant a lot to me, but there's a reason you were the person I couldn't face."

His hand comes to your face, cupping your cheek and lifting your head to look more at him. "It's just funny because I... well, I have always loved you- and I think I probably always will."

You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, heat flushing your body as you step closer to him. Your noses brush, glancing at his lips before he fully leans in.

Your lips connect. Your hands pull on his damp shirt, his coming to your waist. You want to kiss him forever, feel him every chance you get. The heat quickly becomes more heated, the loneliness he felt washing away and the anxiety you had vanishing.

He's here.

And he's yours.

You're interrupted when your ringtone goes off.

"Sorry," you mumble as you pull away, pulling your phone out of your pocket and reading the name flashing up on your screen. "Shit, it's my Mom. Do you mind..?"

"No," he clears his throat, stepping back "'course not.

You pick up. "(Y/N)? Where are you? I've been texting you non-stop. You know I get worried when you-"

"Mom," you cut her off and she stops talking as a beat skips.

"...You found him, didn't you?" Her voice is almost happy for you, relief audibly filling her.

"Yeah," you squeak, emotions once again getting the best of you, "I found him."

Yooo, this was actually very fun to write and I very much enjoyed writing for the mcu for a change.

I have a fair few requests in atm so new requests may take a while for me to get to, but I will try to get through them ASAP.

I know most of you follow me for TMR content, but I hope you enjoyed something a bit different :))

#🌿 petri writes #🌿 petri writes mcu #🌿 petri mcu peter parker #🍃 petri mcu #peter parker #spiderman #mcu imagine #marvel mcu #x reader #mcu x reader

54 notes · View notes

doberbutts · 1 year

Note

Your post abt how male victim sa is treated as a joke in media really resonates w/ me. like i dont watch drama tv shows, i watch like sitcom/comedy stuff and so its extra apparent to me in a way?

Because while in a drama tv show you can have both male and female sa victims, sitcoms will rarely if ever try to make jokes about female sa (or at least now anyway, i dont watch older sitcoms) they absolutely do make male sa jokes.

For example, in Parks and Rec theres this episode where April and Andy make a lot of doctors appointments in one day and in one part Andy is listing out all the doctors they've seen and Andy says like "One guy looked at my weiner, touched it, that was weird" and April says "And that guy wasn't even a doctor" and Andy says "...What" with an uncomfortable look on his face and then it just moves on.

And its supposed to be a funny haha moment but everytime I see that clip I get really uncomfortable bc like its never clarified if she was kidding or not but also why would you joke abt your husband being sa'd???

And thats just one example, theres plenty of others. (The whole thing with Barney and Rhonda French in HIMYM makes me super uncomfortable even tho its played as consensual, it gives me bad vibes)

But it feels like no one ever really cares to talk abt it, so it was nice to see someone bring it up. Sorry for the long ask 😅

The comedy I watch is normally yes about equal to Parks and Rec or Brooklyn 99 and yes, there's a lot of jokes that fly under the radar because they victimize one group or another that isn't seen as "in danger". The amount of prison rape and prostate exam (hinthint wink wink not performed by a doctor though teehee) jokes really stand out the more you pay attention to it. And maybe it IS time to pay attention to it, because clearly this is a symptom of a bigger issue, one that endangers everyone.

Going back to stuff I watch more of because I haven't seen more than a clip or two of HIMYM, but I remember when I was watching Buffy with my ex [then boyfriend] and he pointed out that Xander had a really good reason not to like Faith and it's because Faith rapes him (forced to penetrate) and how Xander really... never seemed to forgive her for it and always seemed uncomfortable around her after. And while I was not part of the fandom during the show's heyday, being that I am a relatively recent watcher only maybe about 6 or 7 years ago, he told me it was very frustrating to him that the fandom seemed to focus more on the wrongdoing of Spike's *attempt* to rape Buffy, than the *actual rape* Faith did to Xander.

Even with my Witcher example, I'm seeing people shipping Yennefer and Jaskier because they had a moderately improved friendship in season two, while not at ALL touching on the fact that Jaskier's first memory of her is a blatant sexual assault and maybe that's why he's increasingly aggressive to her every time they see each other for the remainder of season one and when seeing her again in season two. It's more than "he's somewhat jealous of her closeness with Geralt" when I know for a fact she pinned and grabbed him by the penis and I wouldn't fault anyone for not liking someone who grabbed their genitals without consent. I'm not yucking anyone's yum but it's really frustrating to me to see people skate right by that.

(again, books/games fans who follow/reblog, your faves are not immune, I present to you one Triss Merigold who rapes *Geralt himself* by means of a love potion in the books and who does it *again* in the games if you let her manipulate Geralt into sleeping with her when he has amnesia, do not even start with 'wehweh this is why the show sucks' when your favorite adaption did it too and Triss/Geralt is a possible romance path in the third game, AND Yennefer is mad at Geralt for... letting Triss rape him while they were together, because she considers it cheating, if you talk to her about it in the third game she dumps you in the lake to punish you for defending yourself)

Big sigh.

40 notes · View notes

hellbabyfromhell · 1 year

Note

ellie is ur rib still fucked up

they are ! i had to wait till january bc of insurance to x ray, so i went and got x rayed and they legit did it for the wrong thing, the results were about pulmonary stuff snd the x ray doc was like “yeah this is kinda a lazy way to get the full chest” but its just my ribs lol and theyre visibly weird; id post pics but it does look freaky. anyway basically yes and the other side is having issues but its mostly the original bad rib side. im really disappointed i went to the x ray place after so long and it was for the wrong thing. also they were NOT PICKING UP the phone even tho i knew they were there lol i left a message and a call. called thrice and they finally picked up and said ummmm we’ll call you back about it. also the nurse who picked up was the one who made me cry at the office because she kept dissuading me from seeing the doc bc i had no insurance, i was already unhappy abt that and she kept being so mean likr “do you really need to see the doctor” like !??!??? so i showed her my bones and “would You go t the dr for this.” and she was like “Mm. 😐” i think i need to find a better doctor. i am gonna see a GENETICIST about my EDSso dats crazy. thanks for asking!’

20 notes · View notes

troglobite · 11 months

Text

lkjaflksdj

i'm in an anxiety spiral and i'm legitimately terrified now. fun.

so had an arachnophobia thing today. do not talk to me abt it.

and now i'm sitting here and i was abt to go to sleep.

and i've just been ignoring the fact that my nose has been congested for hours. bc i've been. too tired to bother. i haven't wanted to.

i finally take care of it. take the extra benadryl. i get up, i change my shirt (unrelated) and i lay back down.

and i realize my face is hot. like a little feverish hot.

and now i'm overthinking how weird my chest felt today.

bc i'm like "i talked myself hoarse on thurs, that's all"

but now i'm worried i have covid

bc of the congestion, the fever/face hotness, the tiredness, the chest weirdness

and like yes i have an autoimmune condition that i still have not had diagnosed (i have other shit going on, i'm tired and scared, i simply have too many hoops to jump through)

yes i have flareups

but this feels different

and now i'm not going to be able to sleep

and i have therapy in 6.5 hrs

and i'm going to have to take a covid test tomorrow bc i can't fucking handle doing one rn

and i'm just.

like.

so i leave the house ONCE. i have a NICE TIME. i get EXCITED abt something.

and now what, i'm either having a terrible flare up or i fucking have covid.

WHY.

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HAVE A NICE DAY SOMETIMES WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH UNPREDICTABLE AND FUCKING MISERABLE CONSEQUENCES AND WORRYING THAT I'M FUCKING DYING

it would be fucking GREAT if the fucking government could decide to give a SINGLE FUCKING FLYING SHIT abt EVERYBODY and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE FUCKING PANDEMIC so we could MOVE ON WITH OUR FUCKING LIVES

because i'm tired of this

i'm spiraling and i'm fucking tired of this.

i'm tired of being scared and helpless and depressed

i'm tired of not being able to plan for anything in my life

bc it's just this PIT of "okay what illness do i have. how serious is it. am i fucking dying."

and our house is all fucked up bc of the floor thing

we have to pack and move out for 2 weeks for them to take care of it

there are spiders EVERYWHERE bc of this FUCKING MISERABLE FUCKING VALLEY

i just wanna move. i wanna get a job. i want friends who actually want to play dnd with me. i want to not have to be the only one reaching out all the fucking time. i want to not be sick.

i want to move somewhere else and have some of my symptoms go the fuck away.

i want to not have to jump through 50000 hoops to get access to a doctor who will then spend AGES diagnosing me.

i would like to go more than half a day without having a fucking health scare.

I HAVE OCD.

I AM NOT BUILT TO FUCKING HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS.

I AM NOT BUILT TO WITHSTAND A PANDEMIC WHERE NOBODY ELSE GIVES A FLYING FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THE FUCKING PANDEMIC

i can't do this anymore. i really, really can't.

i'm so fucking angry.

i stg i better not fucking have covid or i just might legitimately give the fuck up.

1 note · View note

noah-moth-cursed-chaos · 1 year

Text

It’s kinda weird how much I dance around describing myself as physically disabled bc of my back injury because I’m so nervous I’d be somehow taking something away from ‘actual disabled people’(aka any disabled person who isn’t me)

Like what am I scared of taking? The single accommodation my work had that is no longer available bc somebody else broke it?

The over the counter ibuprofen that does basically nothing but I take anyway so when the doctor asks me ‘Oh did you try ibuprofen?’ I can say ‘Yes. For years. I am still in excruciating pain most days.’ And just in case it would be worse if I stopped?

The used back brace I bought for two dollars bc I can’t afford anything better that broke after two uses?

It’s not like I have any access to medical help anyway. I don’t have transportation to a doctor, nor literally any time truly to myself, or my own insurance information. It’s not like that’s what I’m so worried abt

Maybe I’m just so used to having to be the ‘healthy one’ in my family I just feel guilty I can’t fill that role. Even though I never actually filled it very well, it’s just that nobody cared. Idk if I’d use the term out loud for myself still but like. There’s something wrong, and it’s getting worse, and I’m scared that it’s going to take away my ability to work and do things I love. I probably shouldn’t be mean to myself or deny myself something as simple as *acknowledging* that it’s affecting me because of it.

2 notes · View notes

stardustanddaffodils · 2 years

Note

aw no?? that truly sucks a lot i'm sorry :( apologies for assumptions and also sounding super salty but it rlly sounds like they're east asian there bc like. lmao. no other part of asia would be THAT confident abt people not being asian unless their history stretches back to the part of asia that has been deeply acknowledged as basically all asia is for like fucking forever. like what is this??!! tbh asian academic/strict parents jokes are a thing i am ok with with my friends who yk are going through a lot of the stereotypical shitty asian stuff and also who i've known for absolutely forever, like since diapers forever, but it's so weird to think that it's to the point that asian jokes are Internet Memes^tm and a bunch of kids r just talking abt issues they have with their families and with their lives and academics like they're haha funny and #relatable and idk. reduced to this very small view of what asia is? like it's COOL that there's a community for that but also 1. that sounds fucking miserable to just spend so much time complaining abt your shitty parents and 2. that example just feels like gatekeeping ethnicity my guy and it doesn't sound fun at all

yepp,,

like. i make (or used to make) asian parents jokes n like. i see the validity in that (tho ive been trying to do that less bc it does sometimes make ppl uncomfortable n. idk it feels like minimizing? idk how to explain it) but. nods. yes

and to your point. it is kind of sad maybe? just that. these are lives and experiences and yeah maybe they are influenced by culture but the fact that. parenting styles (however "good or bad" they might be) and cultural values & expectations (ie being smart? i guess that could fit here?) and also like experiences... like a lot of asian parents or grandparents want their kids or grandkids to be doctors or lawyers or scientists of some sort bc its well paying, respectable, & allowed them a stable life or could provide a stable life that they didnt have... like making jokes abt your experiences. okay ig! but the fact that all of these stereotypes came from something that. has reason and meaning is. yk? i dont know how well my thoughts are conveyed but goodness i guess the more you think about stereotypes the more its like. stop using them as a Haha Funny Stereotype moment pls? these are things With Meaning, and the fact that they're often true of a certain group of people comes from Somewhere

#asks #ink tag #soryasongsaa #i will answer your music asks later or tmrw btw i currently dont have my earbuds :]#hmm thoughts. also thank u for your support #<3 and dont worry i went to bed LSHDFJ

3 notes · View notes

wildernessuntothemselves · 2 years

Note

first of all THANK YOUUU~ to 🌶 anon

i am so flattered other ppl read my LONG ASS ask,,,, i hope you enjoyed it~

i took some time to rest (aka i fueled my introverted battery and baked a cake,,, gave it away (dont ask, i felt like baking), showered, watched some tv, ordered pizza and am now chillin on my couch hehe) and now i feel very talk active sooo here i am ONCE AGAIN

AND @shanice-1104 U ARE SO RIGHT

ITS ME,,,,IM THE SIMP (intelligent people are just so😫),, I AM INDEED OPEN FOR A SUGGAR- I MEAN FOR A DOCTOR TO PAY FOR MY NEEDS 😁😁😁😁😁

YALL SEE THEM CALLING ME DEAR AND BABE‼️‼️‼️ AND TELLING ME I SHOULD REST‼️‼️AND HOW THEY LOVE MY IDEAS‼️‼️‼️‼️ THE PRAISEEEE THE PRAISEE

anyone wanna be my yamqn!beomgyu but without the yandere 💗🥹🤌🏻

and what is a turn off…

like i said i am one kinky bitch… which actually literally no one i know personally knows😭

but i have some no gos and also some unpop opinions aaand this is the perf opportunity to just talk abt them i think its fun

so one thing i find rlly off putting is ddbg😟

or age play.. it makes me a little uncomfortable cause sometimes it feels like they’re sexualizing things that should be kept innocent and not be smth that has to do with … well sex, in my opinion and also THAT LACTATION THING BC ITS THERE TO FEED BABYS (with women) AND THATS WEIRD ON ITS OWN SO WHY WOULD U LIKE IT FOR MEN ????

and i know many people like roleplay but ill be honest, i never get the appeal of it, it kind of just puts me OUT of the mood immediately when i read it in fics or someone mentions it..

and exhibitionism, i do not understand the appeal of doing it in public for example, i can see why the ✨forbidden✨ aspect might be fun but in general i do not like the idea of random people seeing smth so intimidate and i also always feel bad for people who maybe notice it 💀

what i do find interesting and fun..

is somnophilia… and the thing is its kind of risky and a lot of people dislike it

but i think with the right circumstances it can be so nice?!

first of all having a partner you trust and have talked it through with completely! all the limits and what you do like/want

and then i saw this idea of having little necklaces, since it could take away some of the fun of having to personally ask your partner the night of, if they consent.. bc it could take away the suprise for example,, but generalizing and saying its always okey isnt great either… bc maybe ur in a bad mood or had a shit day and dont feel like it at all… so those necklaces could be customized to say yes or no or smth and indicate if the partner consents to it on that night or not

i think that just makes it a little safer for misunderstandings NOT to happen!

what i like abt it is the idea of waking up to your partner pleasuring you, or think your partner is so needy at night but they dont wanna disturb you so it just opens a lot of possibilities and i think its fun and maybe exciting which is what kinks are supossed to be i believe!

and what i RLLY like is marking up my partner i srsly love it (an obsession of mine here we go-)

i dont like it in the childisch way of having an obvious hickey on your neck and then flaunting it at school like youre THE DUDE… it feels a bit immature tbh

i love it in the way of (and i have written this a bit ago, explaining to my ex why i like it so much)

“i dont want others to see, i just wanna look at my work at the end of the night, making a mental image and the next time they look in the mirror they’ll be reminded of what we did”

which is also why i have a soft spot for thighs, hands or wrists, collarbones, lower bellys, backs and chests/boobs… theyre my fav places to mark up and i just love the idea of cuddling with my partner, counting all the hickeys or bite marks i left and recalling memories, the idea of them knowing i “own” them in the sense of theyre mine and mine only to ✨see✨ (although in general im not rlly possessive and don’t get jealous easily) so i can even bite their thigh for example and im the only one who’ll know (like our lil secret) or maybe leaving a cute lil hickey on their wrist and next time i play with their hands fingers i can see my mark- oftentimes when i find someone insanely attractive and their collarbones and neck show (in a photo (maybe a nude- for example) the idea of me being able to ruin or corrupt the beautiful sight with bitemarks makes my heart go 💗💗💗 and me in general 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

yeah i def got carried away AGAIN. i even wrote this in my notes so i wont get distracted and delete everything… and now i have completely exposed myself, everyone be careful i might bite ;)

-❄️ (feelin a bit spicy today now are we)

that sounds restorative. glad to hear about it ❤️ but i can't imagine going through the effort to bake or cook something just for someone else like that could never be me. i too need a yamqn gyu which is probably why i prefer him to tyun lmao

and omg y'all are blinded by the doctor title. i don't have shit to my name. my 5 years younger brother makes around three times my salary lol you only make good money out of being a doctor in america i swear

i totally get the ddbg and age play thing. like i get it the appeal to some extent like being taken care of and spoiled (is that the appeal? idk) but i just find it icky when the "baby" character can't speak or they have very obviously child-like mannerisms. it grosses me out. i've seen more than a couple fics of that type around felix lmao

and yeah lactation both ways freak me out but especially on males. i don't remember if i've written female lactation for iyym or not but if i have it was only to increase the crazy factor of felix (says I who writes noncon scenes)

roleplay is tricky because in real life i don't think i could ever take it seriously and in fics it wouldn't be roleplay it would just be the characters being the actual roles like teacher/student etc. but maybe if i tried it in real life i'd like it? idk i think i'd just laugh

oh man exhibitionism is definitely a kink that only belongs to the fics for me. i may have done a couple of things in public before but that wasn't because i was into it. i just didn't have a place to do it lmao. but getting caught is THE WORST (which i did like 3 times lmao)

somnophilia (with consent if it's in real life) is such a good concept. it's like the feeling you get when you wake up from a wet dream but better lol. but it does have it's drawbacks like morning breath and maybe having sweated through the night 😂

yesss the necklaces are also sooo good for the free use kink. like if you put the necklace on, it lets your partner know that they can just grab you and fuck your brains out whenever they want

for marks i like it for both ways honestly. the sweet one you mentioned and the "mine" aspect but the mine aspect is only for the fics again. i'd never intentionally mark my partner for the world to see that would be mortifying lmao (i did it once accidentally and it really was mortifying :'D)

#loved this little chat #so fun #mort talks #❄️ anon

2 notes · View notes

hyenadon · 10 months

Text

woke up at 2:30 yday sent an email to my managers wish I could fall back asleep but i'm thinking abt a few things

1) my mom (not my biomom, my real mom) realized she might be autistic and i'm like. yeah. yes. we've been telling you. Babe. No shit. I've known you since I was like 13 or 14 and you've been so deeply autistic that whole time. Babes. Hon. Being super good at masking doesn't make you not autistic. You're just good at masking. MOM YOU ARE SO AUTISTIC. MOM. YOU CRY AT NOISES. MOM. MOM. MUMMA. YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY AUTISTIC. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MUMMA GIRAFFE. YOU ARE AUTISTIC. YA DUMMY. I LOVE YOU.

2) people tend to not believe me when I say I might be autistic or have adhd but I really have been doing the research. I've done my raads-r, ive done my cat-q. I've also talked to multiple liscened therapists and theyve said like "hmnnnn sounds like adhd or autism" And along with that it seems that I have a *lot* of the comorbidities that show up with autism. I have tummy issues, I have recently discovered that I have FUCKING GOD DAMN SEIZURES, maybe epilepsy, And my mom, who is a literal goddamn autism researcher, said "yeah that happens a lot with autism". And my biological parents have heard me describe how I feel about like, eye contact, and communication, and always feeling like i'm not communicating Good Enough, and my BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. the worst people on the earth. The folks that don't *listen* at all. Even they have said "are you sure you aren't autistic?" like. if even THEY can notice that I might be autistic, I feel like that's enough.

i'm tired of talking about how autistic I am but just like a reminder about how I genuinely might have epilepsy- in the past month both times i've felt this weird have been right when theres been a thunderstorm or a tornado and everyone I know who has migraines or seizures tells me that thunderstorms are a huge affector.

also I think i'm having super quick hallucinations. They are very easy to dismiss and toss away as not-real, but like. god I need to get to a doctor as soon as possible. i am seizing. i'm puking so hard my nose starts bleeding. i'm motherfucking hallucinating. thats not okay. (at least the hallucinations aren't super scary. Last one, a few minutes ago, was a gianr tarantula crawling across my windowsill, and I stared at it and thought to myself "that is not real".) but heres the thing. It's still scary even though I know its not real. it's scary *because* its not real.

and my dog can smell it too, i'm pretty sure. No, i'm very sure. Koda has done this a few times before, she starts chewing on my hands, nosing at my face, nipping at me, whining, yelping. And it's only been in the summer, during a storm, during a time of stress. All of the symptoms are there and Koda knows them.

it just uhm. fucking blows. bc Im p sure i fit every diagnostic criteria for epilepsy and then most criteria for autism or adhd. i can deal w the autism or adhd but the epilepsy....i feel so sick lately and I keep snapping in and out of concuousness wnd falling asleep in the middle of sentences its not ok i need to se doctor so soon anywau goodnnitut

0 notes

castle-dominion · 1 year

Text

going to watch rise 4x1 audio commentary I think. director/exec producer rob bowman, actors jon huertas, seamus dever, tamala jones

while eating supper & you play him well Yeah as much info as short as u can!

TJ: This was a hard day bc everybody was joking around & I had to cry & be serious! She went to go touch her chin but had blood on her

SD: It was hard because usually you're listening to the other actor but here we were both just yelling into our phones walking down the hallway as fast as we can & I'm like "I keep saying your lines bro" TJ: what was really hard was being strapped to that gurney, trying to get lines out, bursting through doors

Good! They got a med tech in there helping choreograph

They didn't show the shove I gave him back tho

Susan sullivan is a great actress. Marta, the butcher of south london. She cuts for emotion, doesn't care what your story board said.

Yeah I was actually thinking about how they wree just... in the hallway. I didn't care tho I just assumed I was being silly.

& [the rifle] is pointing at castle See that's a good director.

your WHAT NOW? I know you called him mystery man, the other name, no not shadow man either, that name: deep throat. Pardon me??

WAIT WHAT SHADOW MAN WAS THE DOCTOR WALKING BEHIND CASTLE WHEN CASTLE CHECKS HIS HAIR????? Seemingly an ally

TJ while RB is talking about ILYs & GSWs: could that man be any hotter?

RB: i had to promise stana that I would make her look like a cadaver

RB: did she hear it did she not? Me: Oh who knows? She probably DID hear it, but she claimed to remember everything & there is NO WAY she remembers everything. TJ: Oh she heard it she just chose not to answer

I didn't even notice that the man had two phones, funnily enough it was a flip phone & a touchscreen

"we were scared it was going to be an 80s movie"

TJ, interrupting the convo: OH MY GOD SD: stop looking at my ass TJ: SEAMUS, YOUR BUTT SD: don't look at my ass there TJ: I AM LOOKING AT YOUR BUTT SD: Idk why it was lit so well! TJ: THEY WERE JUST PERKED UP, THEY WERE LIKE SITTING UP HIGH, like boing-oing-oing-oing-oing SD: why did Bill light my ass so-- RB: Children may be watching this *laughter, "sorry," & convo goes back to looking like an 80s movie* my mom when we paused to laugh: (speaking at TJ) "They were just Up There, right at eye level!" *holds her hands up to show how "perked up" his booty was* mister seamus dever if you're reading this (if you are then: why? that's weird) I would like to apologize for the actions of myself & my mom & my (hot+gay) older bro (I'll give u his # /j)

SD: Penny. Jonas. Jerald. PJJ as we--.. as I call her. I didn't even as. RB: affetionately

Well bc she's a woman in a male dominated place. Like big bro's mash character. I had a teacher once, I'd say "yes ma'am" all the time but she said it made her feel old. She told me to call her superstar or smth so I started saying "you got it superstar" & it was nice. She even wrote it on my IPP/PLP/SP once. Then FNAF came out & everyone thought I was quoting freddy but I had been saying it for years before freddy.

Paranoid ryan <3 he wasn't paranoid he was just noid

JH/JE: I shoot [gates] winks every once in a while that's my plan SD/KR: I think you're hitting on her

SD: I like how my character has knowledg eof people magazine RB: seam-lessly ; )

wow ok I just had to make a card, STOP making a card, sign a card that someone miscommunicated with my abt, break down & put away my calligraphy pen, listen to my older brother rant about the new DHMIS (which I'm excited abt too) & then listen to "the one thing they can never replace" by john mulaney. Wow

I was right! When I saw the superhero episode I knew it was her! SD: When my wife saw it she was like "Who is that? Why was she so featured?" & I went 'just keep watching, watch next week.'

NO, there was that one time when they made a bet on a murder & caskett was working on one murder & rysposito was working on the other, ofc eventually they became the same case but other than that

THE WHAT? PAPARAZZI UNDERWEAR? WAIT WHAT

they're just watching now, not commenting

SD: I want to hear her, "hey beckett can you get me a cup of coffee?" 'I WAS SHOT IN THE CHEST'

Oh yeah the nanny episode but no they did not sit on the swingset I love hearing them talk about framing & set & decisions

We're in the middle of a third act & we're like "hey so what's the murder about"

oh I didn't notice they remodeled the captain's office! hm! I'm glad they mentioned & explained that. traditional vs masculine, power, all that good stuff. JH: nice grouping

TJ: Gates has a wedding band on. Is she married? RB: Yes to the guy who killed beckett RB: no, idk TJ: but is she with a guy or a girl? Nah she's sadly def with a man. Everyone: but it's new york, it's new york state, *implying that they can still give her a wife* wait holy crap this is before 2015. ny was 2011 tho apparently.

HOLY CRAP that whistle scared me, my older bro has a whistle that means my little brother & a whistle that means me, like in the sound of music, & whenever I hear it I always look. One time a friend at culinary school just whistled, then my head shot up & I was staring at him & he was kind of scared like "what? why are you looking at me" & I had to explain that my brother's whistle language that was like calling my name. Then he would occasionally do it on purpose just to see me jump in shock "big bro isn't here is he?" & there was actually one time we were both heading in to school late, around 6.45am & he whistled from the other hallway & we were able to say hi.

"some parts of this story are dramatized for impact" "JON LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ANYBODY"

Bubble wrap...?

Yeah. I couldn't even see the amps sorry.

You're a drummer rob? They totally should have had him cameo as the frummer in the band or smth

SD: we're playing that jon (JE) is the only one that can talk to her & I (kr) kind of freeze up. Also u apparently can't lie. espt trained not to give up information RB: PJJ came up to me & asked where she was & I said "You're learning very quickly that they all lie" & she's figuring out what to tolerate & what to punish bc they still solve murders. "& we're trying to figure out how we feel about her"

Beckett's place is a permanent set now!

"I give you enough close-ups, you don't need to say that" SD: when other directors tell me 'take your time think through your lines' I say "When you tell me that I get a visual image of rob bowman looking at a watch" (I think /j) just see rob in editing looking over marta's shoulder (sd speaking as marta) "who directed this, rob?"

What is e4? big speeches? wait is that 3xk number two? Ooh I hope they do commentary on that one wait no it is #4, they would not comment on it, crud.

RB as castle: "I'm just a writer who got bored, now I'm getting scary phone calls from scary people"

TJ: Molly has grown <3 uwu RB: Yeah I remember back when she was sweet TJ, sounding like she'd slap him: She's still sweet! RB: not what I meant SD: She's a cagey adult JH: She's a cagey teenager SD: She's a cagey teenager JH: She's a cagey teenager who thinks she's an adult TJ: She schooled me in some of my scenes!

TJ, interrupting the emotional "let becks solve the case" moment they're discussing: Ok girlie moment, Look at that place! Who wouldn't want that? *nice bed, nice furniture, nice wall,* RB: *continues talking about castle teeing beckett up* SD+JH laugh: nobody followed up to your girly moment 'cause you're the only girl here right now you know that might be fun, have all the gals comment. SK MQ SS TJ, prolific women BTS too

RB: Castle can't lift the mattress & carry the scene at the same time JH+SD: No he just couldn't lift the mattress, it was a heavy mattress

rock star skinny jeans apparently my aunt had a friend who would get dressed in the bathtub & let her pants dry to her skin bc they were that tight

JH: Good thing she's there rn bc esposito would have shot that guy by now TJ: right between the eyes JH: hell yeah (ew, cops are not lawyers nor judges, they don't have that power)

SD: Speaking of shotguns do you know what jon got be for christmas? Um what? I have farming family we have guns, I have metis family we go hunting, but us in the city? We don't. Do regular actors living in the big city have guns? just? have guns? get each other guns for xmas? I thought it was really cool for a sec until I realized that he really had no need for a gun. None of my business tho! Guns are fascinating! I mean, if you want to fight someone, do it the honourable way with fists & feet but this is none of my business. I mean he has to protect his home from the impending apocalypse ig.

for now <3

TJ is SO right.

JH: He's got a touch screen too? SD: He's rich of course he's got a touchscreen

Michael Dorn JH: Fanboy moment, I was wrapped & I just hung out for 45 minutes just bc I wanted to meet him

everyone else: thanks for watching SD: *whistling the outro music*

#castle s4 commentary cut

0 notes

aro-aizawa · 3 years

Text

i feel like a lot of ppl don’t get what i mean when i say that i don’t mind being perceived as female. i am nonbinary but i present rather heavily femininely, i don’t intentionally do so but the things that are most comfortable to me (long hair, high waisted skirts, women’s style bags, pink phone case, etc) are most commonly perceived as female. i don’t actually think of myself as female, but i do prefer people i’m not out to to perceive me as such. i want ppl who i’ve explicitly told that i’m nonbinary to recognise and respect me as such but the idea of ppl just knowing i’m non-cis makes me feel vulnerable. im fine with female terms, but equating me to being the same as cis females when i’m already out to them hurts me softly. a gentle punch that still leaves a bruise for weeks after. i’m nonbinary. to strangers i’m not but if you know that i am, remember and respect that please.

#shut up danni #nonbinary #yes i have a weird relationship to gender but yes i am still nonbinary #i mean i’m not exactly in hiding who i am i just want the choice to be in my hands #rather than some person i walk by on the street sees me and immediately thinks my gender is bullshit #bc i feel like most cis ppl would understand my stand on feminine terms being ‘oh so basically not trans’ and ignore my identity #when uh being nonbinary is a v big part of my identity #i’m open abt my nonbinary status online bc unless you send me your transphobic thoughts i would even guess anyone is thinking it #(this isn’t aimed at anyone btw)#(more like aimed @ my dysphoria i guess. i am nonbinary no matter what the world says abt it.)#(also that one doctor in the nhs who refused my case bc i wasn’t Trans Enough)#(fuck you in particular bitch ass doctor)#(it’s been p much half a decade and i still don’t hate a medical professional as much as i hate you.)

3 notes · View notes

gayspock · 2 years

Note

for the character ask .. mickey dr who … :]

YES YES THANK YOU (DROPS AN ESSAY)

How I feel about this character: i'll defend mickey to the fucking grave. both the show and so much of the fanbase do him a GREAT disservice.... rtd era is, like, my favourite era of doctor who - but it treated its black companions like fucking dirt, and sooo much of the fandom also just follows suit in that sentiment it STINKS -_-. ive seen ppl call him abusive, baselessly- and its like... im sorry, but when and where?

he was a shitty boyfriend at the beginning of the series, that's true. but he was just up his own arse in a way where its like... yah, sucks, but a lot of ppl are at that age. and besides, rose wasnt so great to him either - jesus, i'd insist she never DOES start to treat him with respect onscreen. but, like, in s1 they were both, like, 19... and theres a lot of ppl who havent rlly figured stuff out properly either and arent in totally sparkling relationships. i think its rlly weird how they take his scenes from the beginning of s1e1, and just characterise him as an utter jerk bc of that.

and its also, like- like ALL of that aside i think its why i like him a lot as a character. he does actually go through quite a fucking lot, yknow? and unlike the mainstay companions, its something heclearly did not want at the beginning. like a lot of them CHOSE to live life tangential to the doctor- he was just kinda dragged into it despite being v fucking terrified, which is truthfully quite fair yah.but by the end of his tenure on the show hes completely different!? and like- dont get me wrong, i LOVE all arcs on the show regarding companions, and what they bring but... there's something abt that, that i just really do admire a lot. i feel like changing, like, your very nature- that's so much more? and again this- IM NOT TRYING TO SHIT ON ROSE... I SWEAR I AM NOT. bc i do love rose- i just think the show itself did revere her in this sort of way. which, hey! makes sense for it to do- whilst its not inherently from the doctor's perspective, it was very much their story being told a lot of the time, so it does make a lot of sense... but again like i said before.

i feel like rose never did end up respecting mickey and in turn it feels like she gets a lot more applause for a lot... less? same happened to poor fucking martha. but again uh. thats going back to the thing abt rtd era who kinda disrespecting black companions, and writing them BOTH in positions where they're second fiddle to the main romance and constantly putting them down / comparing them to it in the process.

. and god- backtracking a bit, im so glad they did what they did with him in s2. like thats such a defining moment where its like my little king rlly has changed... where he sat down and CHOSE to stay in the parallel universe to fight like GODDD. (screams and punches the ground) like i eat that shit up like MAD... like are you KIDDING me. (starts ripping shit apart) bc he didnt have anyone... sniff sniff. he didnt have anyone so he just left and he went somewhere where he DID have people.

All the people I ship romantically with this character FUNNILY ENOUGH? i dont rlly ship anyone with him. i mean- i like people entertaining the foursome 9/rose/jack/mickey idea. so true besties- im not trying to be a hater, but they all had so much more chemistry in boom town alone than the fam from chibnalls era ever rlly managed to get to. that being said, i think if you're like.... actually taking that FURTHER-furhter, whilst i thibk their dynamic is sweet and like. it does work in that episode i dont really run with it in, like, seriousness just bc of how it doesnt work so much within the context of the show- its moreso a cute little insight into a different reality...

and then, i know he ends up with martha (ambiguously?) but eh!! im not against it- i just feel like it was an odd, "lets just stick them both together" even though martha already had like a guy they mentioned she was engaged to and whatever... it was really weird??? I MEAN- like i think they have A LOT of similarities when it comes to wht i was saying above with the doctor... but i think thats where their dynamic sort of ends for me, with what they have? which isnt to say they'd suck together- maybe if we got to see them, i could really come to like it (i could see them being cute, and having nice back and forth!) but instead ive always been a little... ambivalent, i suppose, bc the thought of them dating just bc of their odd dynamic witrh the doctor feels... counter to what their own personal journeys were, if that makes sense? yeah<3

what i will say, bc i love to bring it up every time. the fact that rickey, his parallel universe self, was canonically dating jake (who: sorry to insert this, but hiii- that's my uncle's ex, not to brag... smirk) was confirmed in a DELETED SCENE still makes me furious like PUT IT IN. PUT IT BACK IN. that's also why i think mickey is confirmed not straight. <3 (though i dont ship MICKEY-mickey with jake, bc i think that's a little... :( after what happened to rickey like noo but i think he'd be an important person in his life after the fact)

My non-romantic OTP for this character also going back to the 9/rose/jack/mickey dynamic. i think it works really good friendship wise, too. in any sort of combination- both rose and mickey, jack and mickey, 9 and mickey.... i think again its a thing more out of the context of the show. rose and mickey especially- though i suppose they'd definitely work as better friends and closer, post canon.

ODDLY enough i dont rlly like 10 and mickey being friends bc i feel like their interactions in the show always felt weirdly ... cruel? in a way 9s never were. or maybe thats me. like- 9 was a bit of a dick but that was just him. 10 was, like, specifically more cruel to mickey it always felt like. and eh thats not a vibe for me personally.

My unpopular opinion about this character honestly everything i said about him being disrespected. i still see so much shit about him it sucks.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

i think (waves hand at above) everything like... regarding just tweaks with scenes with him, all over the place. ultimately i want the show to do right by him, yknow? and thats vague as hell, but yeah. i think you can kinda guess wht i mean abt that from my first ramble. just stuff to round him out bc i do think he is so underrated.

and if it werent for the parallel universe part.... i'd have liked to see him come back, actually. i never liked how moffat hard reset everything and refused to let different companions meet. i get why you might want that as a showrunner (and funnily enough: i dont think chibnall handled jack THAT well in all honesty) but he is a type that i do think, with martha, could have made more returns. AND UHM- ALSO, THAT IS.... I AM TALKING EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT HIS CHARACTER HERE. i dont want him to actually be brought back any more after all the crap that happened with noel- no duh...

and also. hell. i would have loved to have seen him join torchwood, back when it was airing... i think he'd fit in really nicely and couldhave rounded out the team in a fun way.

#egg yells back #traitorslament

8 notes · View notes

whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years

Text

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle

36 notes · View notes

thecolordemon · 4 years

Note

Haha hi :) I already asked but I wanna do it properly here. So, can I request headcanons abt the brothers reactions after knowing that MC had an incurable disease and they're gonna die soon? Thanks! 💕 (Btw I LOVE ur drawing)

Of course you can😊 It will be my first time writing Angst in the english language🤣😅 but I hope you'll enjoy it either way because who doesn't like to suffer a little bit? @flyme--tothemoon I added some shortstorys to the headcanon because...I couldn't help myself.

Request: Headcanons-How would the brothers react after knowing that MC had an incurable disease and that they're gonna die soon?🥺😭

⚠️Angst, Sadness, mentions of illness and death⚠️

*Lucifer*:

he noticed some sickenly sweet scent lingering over your small frame since you arrived in Devildom

but he couldn't put his finger on it

he never lived among humans how could he know?

he couldn't

and that's the whole point

he asks you about it during having dinner with all of the brothers

when your laughter dies down everything else turns quiet too

he knows immediately that something is wrong

"Did someone else noticed it too?" you ask without looking up

they nod

"Well...I guess...I have to tell you something."

Angsty/Sad Short story (other brothers below):

They all looked at you with big eyes. Filled with questions and worries because of the sad little smile that crept on your face and conquered your lips like a dark sky swallowing the sun. All of them noticed that sickenly sweet scent over your normal aroma. They just didn't thought that it would be such a big deal... "Well...I guess...I have to tell you something."

You cleared your throat and put down your cutlery. It was weird...I kind of felt like the day where you got your deadly diagnosis.

But this time you were the doctor.

And your beloved demons were the patients.

You knew that you couldn't hide it from them forever. Being here was like a daydream and it made you forget your disease a little bit more every day. Living with the demons brought so much new adventures in your life that the illness seemed so far away. It was like you left it at home. In the human world. Somewhere where it couldn't reach you. Throughout the day you never wasted a single thought about your approaching death. And why would you? Death was unavoidable. In the end everbody dies...Just for you it meant, that death would greet you a little bit sooner.

"Two years ago...I fainted. I was not feeling good for a...very, very long time after this. And it did not get better. I thought I hit my head a little bit to hard on the concrete. I...vomited very often and that one night my parents took me to a hospital because of it. They wanted to make sure that I'm okay..." You stopped and looked down at you fingers which were intertwined with the black tablecloth. This night was branded inside your mind like a tattoo you never asked for. Neither did you like it. The brothers did not dare to interrupt you. You could just feel them all staring at you. It was so quiet...so terribly quiet.

"It truned out that...I have a very dangerous disease." you continued. The swallowing felt so much harder now...like something big and bitter was stuck in your throat. "And...sadly...there is no cure..." The bitterness stung in your eyes and you had to fight back the hot upcoming tears. The hopeless and shocked faces of your family were something you could never possibly forget. And right now all of the brothers had this exact same shattered expression on their faces. You bit your bottom lip and your nails digged into the soft skin of you thighs.

"...Is it...deadly?" Lucifer asked and his voice sounded oddly thin. For a little while you did nothing but to stare into space. You did not want them to see you cry. Not when you had to be strong for them again...but then you nodded.

"yes." you breathed. "Yes, it's deadly. They said I have 3 years left-"

The following opressive silence was broken when some of the brothers shifted uncomfortably in their seats. One of them dropped a knife. But nobody saied something. It was like some higher power turned the volume of the universe down. 'Well-' you thought to yourself. 'Maybe this is what shock sounds like...' When you forced yourself to look up, the effects of your confession showed.

All of them were pale. Nobody seemed to breath. Nobody talked. You could see them falling when you looked into their eyes. They were all being swallowed by the big black hole that was your disease and there was no safe shore in sight. You broke them...

All of them.

"I'm so sorry-" you whispered. "I'm sorry for doing this to you." None of them reacted. You couldn't stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks anymore. The salty liquid dribbled over your warm skin like raindrops over glass and ran down to your chin. "I wanted to tell you but--I couldn't-you all made me feel so good that finally I stopped worrying about it-I didn't mean to hurt you--please forgive me-" The sobs came out of your mouth like little hickups.

'They hate me--they hate me for breaking them-I'm a terrible person-'

Lucifer suddenly stood up. His jaw was clenched and his hands were balled into fists. He shoved his chair back and walked around the dinner table until he stood before you. Sadness and anger radiated of him like a upcoming thunderstorm and it scared you.

Would he hurt you? Would he send you back? Would he banish you from the Devildom?

You thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly embraced you in a very thight hug. His fingertips digged deep into the flesh of you back and he hold you so close as if you were going to disappear right on the spot. It took your breath away. "L-Lucifer?-"

The avatar of pride trembled. And there was something wet in your hair...was he crying?! Finally he spoke. His voice broken like a shattered mirror. "You're--telling us--that you're going to die--and still you're-apologizing for it?!-" His grip thightend. "I thought you would hate me now--" you cried desperately. His hug send shivers down your spine. "MC, you're part of our family-We could never hate you-" His voice broke again. "I'm the one who needs to apologize! I ripped you away from your human family! While you have such little time left-I brought you here without checking your whole background-my research was horrible and icomplete-I am the one who has to apologize! Not you! Not you!!" He grabbed you by your shoulders and now you were able to see it. He was really crying. Lucifer, the avatar of pride, was crying. His crimson red eyes were glassy and shimmered with so much regret.

"No-No don't say this Lucifer, please--I'm so happy here--this is my home too-I'm so glad I got the chance to meet all of you-" Your hand reached his wet cheek and he shivered when you did so. "You all made my time so much better than I could've ever imagined-And I'm so grateful-" You whimpered and burried your face in Lucifer's red tie. Your attention was pulled towards Mammon when you heared his sobbing.

*Mammon*:

"This--this is not fair--" Mammon stood up too and he trembled like an earthquake was running through his body. "Finally I meet someone who is nice to me-someone who listens to me-someone who doesn't treat me like shit or like I'm dump--and now-" His thin voice broke in a shaky cry. "I fucking love you-" He broke down and fell to his knees, his face twisted in deep hurt and despair. His glasses and cheeks were already covered in hot, steamy tears and his hands fisted into the rough carpet. Satans hand touched his back but even he did not know what to do. It was a sad single try to calm Mamon down but it didn't work. "Mammon--" you breathed with a hitching voice while still beeing hugged by Lucifer. "I'm sorry-"

"QUIET APOLOGIZING, WILL YA?!" he screamed and then went back to crying hopelessly. His horns showed. He was interrupted by Leviathan's weak voice.

*Leviathan*:

"I-I don't understand-", he whispered and stood next to the quivering Mammon. He looked like he saw a ghost. He was so pale that it looked like he was starting to disappear. His eyes were red and the tears streamed down like little waterfalls. His small frame trembled uncontrollably and his hands were deep inside his pockets. "We were having so much fun together-we were staying up all night together to play videogames-and now this all is--ending?" A new wave of tears gushed over his face. "This wasn't healthy at all--I hurt you-I didn't knew--I-I'm sorry-" His fingers fisted into his lilac hair and he pulled harshly as if he tried to wake himself from this nightmare. "You're my friend---" Asmodeus tried to stop him. "You will get bold-stop-" But he was also not in a good condition. Neither was Satan.

*Satan*:

He normally really payed close attention to his mimic and gesture. But right now...He couldn't even think straight. It was clearly visible that he was deeply upset and his left hand massages his torso like he had a heart attack. "MC-why didn't you tell us sooner?-" There were tears appearing in the corner of his eyes. "I read so much--maybe we could find a magic cure-I newly read a paragraph about-" But you interrupted him right away. "Satan--I know you want to stop it but--there is no solution in no book-I talked with Simeon about it-I asked if he could miracle it away--but he couldn't. He said that only guardian angles are allowed to do such a thing--and they have to be very powerful to do that-and since there are people on earth living under worse conditions-" Your voice broke and Satan looked away in shame when he couldn't stop the tears anymore. He hated not being in control-He would lose you-.

*Asmodeus*:

"God does not throw dice-" Asmodeus whimpered and everyone looked at him. His beautiful eyes were red and puffy from all the crying and not beautiful at all. It looked like he had a terrible allergy against something unknown. But right now he couldn't care less about his appearance. "That's something I always hated about god--They say there is a reason for everything but they won't tell you an actual reason--and then you're still stuck with your problems all by yourself-" He cried out in despair and hid his face behind his fingers. "-without a solution-" he added with a very thin voice. That was just to much for him and he had to cuddle up to Satan for more support. "How can they leave you to die--you-such a perfect human being like you-you should be the top of their creation-how is this possible-." His pink painted fingernails clawed over his flawless skin and left red stripes. He looked like a locked up animal-trying to break free.

*Beelzebub*:

Beelzebub is a quiet soul by nature. Not a man of big and a lot words. And now he seems even more quiet than before. He can't wrap his head around this new, horrible informations. He grew so fond of you, he needs you, you make him feel better-Fuck it all you brought his brother back! And now you're going to be punished with-Death?! That's not fair at all-that's not okay-he can't lose you-not like he lost Belphie-not like he lost Lillith-he-. With big steps he walked towards you and Lucifer. He towers above both of you like a big mountain that's ready to collapse. Without hestiation he pulls you and his oldest brother into a crushing hug. Tears dribble down from his face into your hair and mix with Lucifer's tears. "We can't lose you MC-your family-family means that nobody gets left behind-."

*Belphegor*:

He is the calmest of his brothers. At least it seems like that. He is just sitting there processing what you just said. You are going to die. In less than a year actually. You're going to die and this means that you're going to leave. His eyes flutter in confusion. He was never upset about humans dying. That's what they do. They live, they die. It's that simple. He knew that. He always knew that. He also knew that you were going to die. One day.

...But why so fast?! Why so damn fast?! His heart beats harder, nearly bursting with anger. His tail and horns appear and his whole demon form starts to mainfest in front of you and his brothers. "No!!", he shouts. "I'm not having this! We need to do something-we-" His eyes land on you and that's just to much. "Who do you think you are?! Huh?! You come down here and wreck our worlds, you live with us, you eat with us-you improve our lifes-and-now--" His tail flinches with agression. Belphie's eyes are drowing in tears as his angers makes place for the deep grief that takes over his whole body. He also, like Mammon, falls to his knees. "You can't leave Mc--I need you-"

(Okay I'm gonna leave now, I cried a little bit while writing and...yeah...maybe I'm just sensitive🥺 I hope it's angsty enough though...)

812 notes · View notes