#you cant fucking give the main character therapy whats happening here
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OH THEYRE GONNA GIVE HIM THERAPY
#FHKJGHFKJGH#you cant fucking give the main character therapy whats happening here#this whole 14 situation is actually really making me think abt that like#what IS happening here and is it possible#am i weird abt doctor who yes but it IS weird#its. 60 years old its GONNA get twisted up in itself#its impossible not to#we're jst like. in a really fucking twisty bit rn it feels like#like you know when you twist a cord and the moment it goes around itself?#feels like we're in that part#maybe im wrong maybe its jsut a blip and 15 just resets and goes back to being a character#i mean thats what they aim for right?#but is it possible? the history doesnt disappear#and like. look. look what happens here when i talk about it#how every thing i say about the show is also true for the character#and we're just gonna keep going and keep building on top and keep responding to everything around us#which more nad more is gonna include what has become before because#homage and self-reference and memories and fans#whatever#im probably wrong
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Stuff I have noticed watching ST season 4 for the 5th or something time:
(Or just my rekindling of opinions and feelings)
Lucas wasn't a back stabber, he sent Jason and the crew to El and Hops old cabin (me too busy just focusing on Lucas (he is babygirl✨️))
Eddie isn't present for like 2 episodes and that is just a big wow [also Erica, miss her :(]
That classic shot of Eddie at the d&d table is not him being a dramatic whore™, rolling dice, but actually congratulating Erica
Why is Erica wearing the flag? Like slay and also the American theme song is playing but like girl?????
Erica supports the gays ✨️ (She probably is a gay 🇺🇲🇺🇸🇺🇲🇺🇸)
Angela still deserves that skate to the head [slayed !]
Murray is slay.
Still cant look at Robins outfit from the psych ward (sorry but yeah nah)
Alexei 😫
Jason is a leader but not a responsible or smart one, like he is hunting down a couple of 20 y/os and their half a dozen 14 y/o children??? And supporting his teammates to do the same (i didnt like him before but jeez dude)
also you can see his style of leadership of basketball and children hunting have some similarities sus
California Dreamin was played because ... *drumroll* THEY ARE IN CALIFORNIA!
The main group are the pick me girls of character developement (they dont develope like other characters~ they get desensitized and are used to death and gore *bites lip, tucks hair behind ear, giggles and pukes little*) but also geniuenly concerned for their sanity:
Argyle: Omg that dude dead, my 1st (?) death, the party is not here my dudes😔, wtf is happening, Ive never been through this, Im meant to deliver pizzas not dead bodies🍍🍍🍍
Byer boys + Mike: Oh my ✨️gawwdd✨️ Argyle get over it already ... like chop chop this agent died like 20 seconds ago move on !
(but they were in danger like Argyle indeed dude chop chop)
Does Yuri always just drug his coffee with sleepy pills? Like my guy thats not what coffee is meant to be used for, and the pills wouldve been low dosage cause unless Yuri is a maths wiz he wouldve been counting his mula for a while
Hop! Just dont have feet. At this point get rid of them! Get those 'orrid manky things outta 'ere!
The most horrific part of ST is not asshole Vecna and his gang, its just watching Hop get his feet dragged or him running around in the snow, no shoes, big cuts, the only thing keeping is feet on his body is Joyce, she is a super glue.
Vecna is more than just a piece of shit, hes the entire digestive system.
But him just targeting traumatised kids and touching them on the fore head, like: "Dw sweetie~ I'll fix you, shh is okay, you be nasty never again <3 Nurse Vecna will make you all better~ :)"
They are not nasty! They just been through some shit. Fuck you twerp
Freds visions with the funeral family giving ✨️Tisphone✨️ vibes ~♡
Early season 4 Mike is an asshole (dw it gets gayer *pats on head*)
Steve 🥰
Robin 😍
Nancy 😘
Eddie 🤩 (star fish boy)
Together united in harmony, they are the power Rangers💕💞✨️✨️
Dacre Montgomery (Billy) was in power Rangers (hes also aAussie which is just so oool)
Conspirewithme: #headcanons
Joyce could totally just go 1v1 brawl with the entirety of the upsidedown, Id pay to see it.
That guy who hired Robin and Steve who also worked at the arcade defo played d&d with Eddie at some point
I need to see El just have a giant therapy dog (think Perrito but Great Dame size)
Mike might be projecting Will onto El butttt he bi af, have you seen his cheekbones??? ( im watching a documentary on "Mike Gay????😱😱")
I am only up to the beggingin of episode 5, gods i hope this makes sense and im not accidently offending anyone
(Im a tag sl**)🐌
#bing bong#st4#stranger things#st eddie munson#jim hopper#joyce byers#byers boys#mike wheeler#eleven#eden my queen#robin stranger things#<3#tisiphone#hades game#vecna looks like a humans intestines tbh#what if he had hair????#wish he was just in maxs mums flannel top when he hugged Max#he would rock it#i miss that agent guy :(#i grew intensly attached to him in the few minutes he was on screen#giving parks n rec ron vibes#lol imagine#steve is like my favourite guy yet i see none of him here???#honestly resonating with high jonathan#kinning#lol#ive done my duolingo for the day but i did it in the morning so i am highly paranoid about Duo just coming out bc im not doing rn this min#said argyle and jonath#will byers is so gay#my boy is just ignored
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SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??
but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.
so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro.
oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry.
god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE
next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.
okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either.
so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.
#wonder egg priority#wonder egg spoilers#ai ohto#rika kawai#momoe sawaki#wonder egg priority neiru#i forgot neirus name#anime review#wonder egg ai#lgbtq anime
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Homesquared Chapter 14 part b
Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus
the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast
we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much
Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!
They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold
“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.
JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.
JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“
Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD
lol at sburb allocated blow job
yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction
John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow
But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him
Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc
Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element
so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”
versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”
John: ):
Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes
“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.
KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.
KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.
Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting
But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?
Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues
Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped
Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine
Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure
Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well
I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”
Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol
Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though
Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough
“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”
yup
man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner
“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “
hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems
Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol
Just don’t burn yourself out on that though
JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!
KARKAT: ABOUT ME?
JOHN: yes.
KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?
JOHN: about you.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.
JOHN: well...
JOHN: you know, how you feel!
KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.
I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr
What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD
Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey
Oh
this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):
I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way
Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother
but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along
the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets
and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down
I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)
so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well
I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?
I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?
So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”
and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way
but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?
John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs
but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong
Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones
But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well
Further and Further
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fucking hell where do i begin (here’s that huge s7 finale post)
i don’t watch tv shows.. not really. i cant really remember the last time i’ve loved a piece of media so fully, but it’s been a while. um….. it’s a lot of emotions. i’m also in the middle of a bad cold so i don’t think that helps. i’m trying to think of a way to make this as condensed as possible but to hell with it i don’t think it can be
there’s just some things like this that stick around for a really long time in your life, and i guess i’m just really glad to have watched it, and at an age where things mean a lot and kinda help you get through your life, even if it’s for 6 months
i’ve accepted that this is gonna be quite dramatic and long as hell. but i guess from the perspective of someone who’s just finished it for the first time, it’s alright for it to be so.
the actual ending? good, really very good. the last 3 episodes in fact, altogether, really very good. they just really sat down and last minute gave us so much. even just with relationships, what takes seasons to happen took mere minutes, and it was really great i think. i just.. could say so much about each individual character it would never end. and i don’t know who reads these things anyway. time to get brutally honest,,
buffy….sweet buffy. as far as main characters in shows go, you fucking kick ass. like everyone, you have your unsavoury moments, but you somehow managed to stay favourable throughout a whole 7 seasons?? died and came back??? didn’t stop fighting through sheer will alone???? i will say your most interesting parts are shown when you’re in a really dark place, but i just really like angst
our beloved willow was almost nominated for ‘character that i started out loving and didn’t like at the end’, mostly because of her arcs toward the end of the series. especially during s6, you were definitely pissing me off.. though you redeemed yourself pretty well i still think i liked you a lot more in the beginning. still, your power at the end is so amazing!!!! slayers everywhere!!!! things can be a little normal? also, i’m very happy about you being gay
xander! i fucking hated you for a long time. a LONG time.. and then magically you grew to be one of the best characters in this whole thing. when i say i want to pay for everyone’s therapy, xander goes first!! this dude has gone through . so so much . in life before scoobies and after it’s just thing after thing after thing!!!!! and still he goes on without any special powers!!!!! tries to have a somewhat normal life!!! he specifically gets the award for one of the best character growths in the long term . sorry i hated you king but you were pretty insufferable at first
giles . beloved . person who i share a name with here and who i DIDN’T think would stick it out till the very end, unfortunately you also turned from being someone i absolutely loved at first to just kinda Being There at the end. though you peaked in the first seasons there will always be a space for you in my heart <3 except when you tried to kill spike what was up with that. rip ripper spinoff you would’ve been so good
everyone else…… hmm. angel, you are so silly to watch back when you still acted like you were 18 comparing you to your spinoff where god knows what is happening at all times. thank you for being buffy’s little soulmate person and having chemistry together after your breakup <3 and THANK YOU for giving us angelus the first time around it’s one of my favourite things ever
DAWN…. dawn!!! i really didn’t like you when you first appeared!!! and then you became so normal it’s weird not seeing you there at first. i kinda think she’d make a good watcher. she’s also such a baby gay, i wish we got that AND i wish we got more silly spike banter with her
spike……… oh pathetic little spike :) your back must hurt for carrying the show so much. when i met james marsters i literally told him the show would be nothing without him, and that wasn’t for no reason!!! when you first appeared you instantly turned the whole vibe around and put spice into the plot, and you continued doing so for like, 6 years. i could write like 10 pages on this guy alone but i’ll spare all of you………… thank you for being a fucking WEIRDO, someone with mommy issues, a menace, a murderer, destroyer of the mf hellmouth, a poser, and someone with really cool character development (you beat xander!)
FAITH!!!!!!!!! you left and then you came back!!!!!!! your vibes are just . for the small parts you were here you also carried the show tbh i really didn’t think you’d pull through!!!!! you and buffy shouldve kissed for real
anya!!! you died!!!!! i actually think you should’ve died a WHILE ago when buffy first wanted to kill you tbh. you were really great for a while but you didn’t really add anything to the show after your breakup with xander sorry queen
cordelia….. <3 oh queen. they’ve been slaughtering you on angel but while you were here you were SO good.. you and xander should’ve stayed together tbh
OZ!!!!!!!! i love you oz. trans king. I SO WISH WE GOT YOU BACK FOR THE FINALE :( but hey live your best life!!!!!!! you mostly did nothing wrong!!!!!!! however keeping your lead singer the same was a total crime he SUCKED ass on vocals
somehow this turned into me writing little love letters to everyone !
drusilla, thank you for existing and blessing the show with ur presence. i wish we got more closure on what happened to her.
tara my love. shoutout to amber benson for being the coolest person ever, and for tara for being the only good soul in the whole show!!!!! gone too soon!!!!!!!!gay rights!!!!
kennedy. i don’t like you willow’s too good for you and you’re edgy in a bad way
ANDREW people don’t like you but i liked you <3 honestly we needed ur gay yassification LOL thanks king
ummmmmm robin wood . you are just eh. kind of never cared <3 that shit with faith was uncalled for
harmony thanks for being a dumb vampire :) we needed you so badly tbh i hope ur having a good life
kendra i never liked you Ever . annoying ass
wesley? you sucked on here . god i’m so glad they moved you to angel
OKAY THATS IT FOR THE YEARBOOK…… did i miss anyone……. god joss whedon made so many dumb little ocs and made me have feelings about each and every one of them.
i won’t lie IM GONNA MISS IT….. i’m gonna miss new content . and there’s SO much i know but i mean show wise…..aghhhhhhhh but i’m really excited to move on to new things and start my own projects for this fandom and just so many things i want to do :-) this is such a long post lol but idc i still have so many feelings but what more can i say!!!
here’s my final verdict on ships btw
keep in mind this is BTVS ONLY!!!! some of these could be very different keeping ats in mind but this isn’t the post for that so yeah. keeping it with characters leaving and such. not pictured: kennedy x willow which i don’t like, and robin x faith which i don’t like. lol. which can i say thank GOD we didn’t get that buffy/spike/angel love triangle at the end…. i was about to strangle some writers
i’m trying to think about if there’s anything else i’m missing and there probably is but i think that’s just about it for me. again thank you to everyone that stuck around this long and actually read this and stuff :) god i cant believe i’m done. what a show
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An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness
I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?
So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)
ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.
And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)
And it destroyed me.
For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)
I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.
Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))
(i’m serious, this is fucking long)
__________
Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff
This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive
What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff
He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt
Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time
I would send an eyebrow emote if I could
Context: he's asking he says it again
Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever
I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay
This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd
He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss
Well adoptive mom
But still sudhdidu what
Bitch how dare YOU exist
Save my babyyyy
Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee
This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here
This is a super long flashback btw
Idek anymore what triggered it
Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep
It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.
yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like
how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot
hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???
also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY
they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS
the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but
idshkjds
like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT
he's very cute tho
i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it
[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]
I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh
these tonal whiplashes
there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd
nvm it just turned horny
goddamn it
can there be 1 chapter without fucking?
okay, there were the flashbacks
WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS
but im not getting the gay relationship, sad
OH WAIT
AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too
OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly
I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY
I'M :((((
different species confirmed
I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her]
im weird
HHHHH RIPPP
someone help him he looks so saddddd
not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT
AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft
PFFF
I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((
awww
i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together
OH
OH THEY'RE KISSING
best buildup, honestly
the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute
D-did someone just respect the word "stop"???
I am
amazed
i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow
Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this
getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this
hELP
chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared.
Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao
[Noah was jealous]
w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs
oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever
DOHYE
NO
YOU WERE SO DECENT
WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF
HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP
I JUST-
WHEEE TvT
the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha
okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION
They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED
understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so
tho he dont know any of that but yknow
he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot
hooo
they are boyfriends
and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll
she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that
or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too
[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]
which if, btich you gonna die even more
enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy
on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS
SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY
OH MY GODDDD
he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE
HELLLOOOOOOOOO
look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS
how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again
aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn
[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]
WAIT NO
they're actually going to the same school awww
ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but
for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd
cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly
dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs
oh. its. turning horny
i am
displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship
however
COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM
how do ppl do this
i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?"
sakjds
this is the best 3 panels in existence.
h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you
[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]
awww its cute
dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything
what is this
where can i get more of this
"well im not okay"
MY BABIESSSS
they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd
[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O
N OOOO
this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE
:((( babyyyy
I AM EMO
Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain
and the sister is asking doyhe over
I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS
OH
HE DECLINED
OKAY OKAY
he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened???
oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child
i am so emo
about this
[reminder he’s been abused TvT]
[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]
i will. murder someone
he called to ask her to delete his number btw
what is this manwha
but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((
he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD
I AM SO SAD
No
NO
It cant end
im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy
[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]
what else is she gonna do
she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart
THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh
I’M
I’M SO SAD
now he's switching SCHOOLS
NO
NOOOOO
how will i ever find happiness againnnn
NO
they're misunderstanding further
they're not talking properly
i mean i get it but oh my god
I'M :(((
NO
NOOOO
pls make up in the future at least omg
he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh
i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just
i want them to clear it up
im crying
first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha
maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess
but goddamnn ittttt
they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad
it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate
but MY HEART
NO
N O
DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE
Im. gonna cry more
Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im
im so sad
no
i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH
will i ever find sth like this flashback again
[mei: p-probably not, no]
i am
so devasted
i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha
BUT THIS WAS SO SAD???
im so emo
[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]
OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO
SAVE HIM.
JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING
its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household
so. good job. from a meta perspective
but also
NO
but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((
[main couple kissing]
this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it
but dohyeeeee
and switching to sex, YET AGAIN
now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE
it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters
why are you like this
why can't you be. like in the flashback
i am
so upset
HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE
I am just
stop fucking
jesus christ
PLEASE
I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE
im just
stop the horny
pls
just
tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much
[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]
dhsuksj thanks i feel honored
at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit
[mei: THAT TOO]
[...]
tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character
i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else
... not literally pls theres already too much of that
pls
get it together
for like 1 chapter
is the investigation even still happening i am so confused
save dohye
plEASE
wait what i have less than 10 episodes left
Dont tell me
this shit isnt even wrapped up yet
[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]
yeah i
this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but...
oh well...
i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him.
Sister can still go fuck off tho
[...]
i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots
[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]
okay
i dont care
bc dohye is currently getting assaulted
nobody asked for this
why
i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him
at least its not horny visually, one saving grace
ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly
thank you for nothing
[... removed some general confusion about the plot]
YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.
i am. suffering
i mean i cant stop but GOD
okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people
Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF???
this is ridiculous??
one good message
why
did you feel
the need
to
add
that
[actual tired rage]
im gonna die
this manwha is gonna kill me
im laughing but im suffering
oh hes
arrested
great
and thats the end
and the last update was in january of this year
why
AS IN
NOAH IS ARRESTED
nobody who actually did anything is arrested
What is this
why is this
AHHH
I
at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING
[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]
its an experience allright
WELL
_______________
yup that’s it.
in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.
That’s it.
Have a nice day.
#an innocent sin#dohye x noah#noah x dohye#long post#tori talks#tori has opinions#reactions#yes I do this often in our dms#poor mei#toriqueue
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personally, im also deep in the station 19 muck but like you i wish i wasn't. randomly watched it because pandemic and maya bishop is just so compelling, even with all the bad writing i still love her sm. is there anything you would want to see for season 4? your hair cut fic was so good and i cant stop thinking about how much better the season would have been had it ended like that instead.
first off, sorry to both of us for being here! but i guess let’s take escapism where can get it, hey. second, thank you so much for reading the fic!! i’m super honored you liked it <33
as for what i would want for s4...whew. a lot, lmao. i’ll put in under a cut to save my poor non-s19 followers.
mostly, i want them to please slow down the pacing. let story arcs breathe and build and develop. last season was so rushed—ryan’s death and rigo’s death and pruitt’s death all crammed in, andy and sullivan having a shotgun wedding out of nowhere, maya and carina fastforwarding to i love yous with only 30 second scenes and not a real date to be seen, vic hardly getting to process ripley—i could go on. it’s cheap and messy storytelling. cut it out.
i also really want them to let relationships do the same. i want to see the friendships that were so strained last season to grow again. show me andy, maya, and vic being friends and supporting each other!! for the love of god!! (show me andy and maya being friends, period. for the whole season. the whole goddamn season. no drama between them, only supporting each other through outside drama. if i have to see another season where these ‘best friends’ are at each other’s throats half the time, i swear to god.)
show me more team-as-family! a) i eat that shit up, and b) that’s supposed to be the underlying theme and premise of the show. show them laughing and goofing off together, show them holding each other up when things get tough, show them teasing each other to hell and back while they cook together in the beanery. invest in that again.
for the romances....develop that shit. honestly, i really hope andy and sullivan either break up or really do the fucking work to fix their relationship, because as-is, it’s a hot mess. and not a hot mess i particularly care to watch. i liked them fine in season 2, but the sullivan arc in s3 (which...not to out myself as having watched chicago fire, but which is a blatant rip-off of severide’s s1 arc in cf) puts him in a place where he’s not really ready for a relationship. and with the amount of shit they put andy through, she’s not, either. i know it’s impossible on a drama, but i would really like andy to be single this season? idk, i’m tired.
maya and carina better not be all sunshine and rainbows. they need to do the work! they need to show the work! after that rushed-ass ‘forgive me’ scene (where carina was...pressured into forgiving maya like the day after she cheated on her??? and that was framed as a good thing?? make it make sense), they deserve to show them actually navigating that broken trust and rebuilding something real. and as someone who doesn’t watch grey’s, i really don’t know carina very well? 90% of her scenes were her supporting maya through her ongoing breakdown (though a totally understandable breakdown! not criticizing maya for having trauma), so i’d like to see more of a balance of support in the relationship and more development of her as an individual apart from maya. she’ll be sticking around, and that will be much more interesting if she bonds with other members of the team.
dean and vic...look, my hands-down #1 wish for season 4 is that they treat vic hughes well, with respect, with screentime, and with a good arc. she’s the absolute best. and as much as i love dean miller (hint: a lot), he needs to start guzzling his respecting vic juice if the writers are gonna try to set up anything. personally, i’d really like to see them move past it? awkward crushes between friends happen. putting myself in dean’s shoes, living with one of my best friends who i’m also secretly crushing on, watching her play with my baby...it’d be a lot too!! but that doesn’t excuse being a dick, so i’d really like to see them take some time apart, and then start their friendship back up on a foundation of honesty and communication. because they’re so good, guys.
individual character notes!!!
well. i want every person at this goddamn station to go to therapy. they won’t, but i want them to.
andy needs to go to serious grief counseling after season 3. compounded by what’s bound to be a shitstorm from the discovery that her mother is alive? please. in regards to the whole mother arc, i really don’t want it her disappearance to have been like...gang-related. i’ve seen that posited as a theory, and that’s just a whole bundle of stereotypes we don’t need to get into. i also want the mom reveal to be the main revelation that takes up the majority of her arc the first half of the season, just to have time to process it. the captain’s race took up all of season 1—you can give this twist time to marinate properly.
vic hughes, my moon, my stars! i really loved the snippets of vic’s backstory that they gave us in s3. as someone who lost a family member to early-onset alzheimer’s in november, 3x09 was...oof. a lot. i love how they committed to fleshing out her past and her backstory more and i love the emotional depth barrett doss always brings to the screen. for season 4, i’d love to see vic get to process ripley and jackson properly. (and here i repeat my forever adage for female characters lol: let them be single for a hot sec.) i want her to move in with maya, because i think that dynamic is so fun and ripe for exploration, and then i’d love to see her digging in to her issues and getting help—going back to the firefighter group, actually talking, spending time with her found family. (sidenote: would love to see her help out with some like youth community theatre classes on her days off? developing connections with kids who have gone through losses, supporting them and in turn realizing the support she needs herself...tell me vic singing with kids wouldn’t be the cutest shit). anyway, i just rly want her to get a good storyline. but i’m not a screenwriter so like...hope they come up with one!
i’ve already written much more than i’m sure you wanted, so i’m going to condense the boys into one paragraph lol. i want jack gibson to heal himself and stop sleeping with taken women! his new found family is super sweet, so i really hope he gets to keep it throughout s4. i want travis montgomery to get only good and happy things, and the same goes for warren. actually, i’d love to see warren step into his new role as team Older Person a bit more? i think that would be a really fun and heartwarming dynamic to play with all the other characters. dean i think i already touched on, but i’d love him to take a breath, apologize to vic and explain, and lean on the rest of his found family. he’s gonna be such a good dad and i’m excited to see more of that.
finally: maya. oh, maya. she needs therapy. you can’t have a character say she’s been dealing with suicidal ideation and anxiety for nearly 20 years and just...magically make it all better. she deserves to get to unpack all the shit with her dad, and all the ways that’s impacted her. on some level, i kinda wish she’d not stayed as captain—i love her scenes so much when she’s allowed to be just chilling on the same level as her team. since that’s not the case, finding a right balance of her as captain and her as friend is gonna be super important. i want her to open up to her friends and lean on them. i’d love for mason to come back, too? i think her trying to heal herself, establish herself as a team member and leader, and rebuild her relationships with her brother as well as her found family and girlfriend would be more than enough material for an arc. it won’t always go great! this stuff isn’t an easy fix! but that’s why it’d be worth writing. plus, so many members of the team have shitty relationships with their parents that even though they won’t understand what maya went through, there’s some really fertile ground for compassion and cathartic ‘fuck our dads’ ball-busting i’d love to see seeded. bonus father’s day episode where literally none of them are happy and they decide to like...go play laser tag or something.
anyway, i’m sure that’s more than you wanted!! but thank you for the q lmao apparently i had a lot to say
#station 19#maya bishop#vic hughes#andy herrera#like...everybody else lmao#yes i have homework due in 10 minutes i haven't started!#yes i decided to think about this instead!#what of it#....whoops#Anonymous
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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW
what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?
Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia
which scene in the book was your favorite?
EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James (aside from the whispering room ofc).
what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?
ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((
what scenes were unsatisfactory?
there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)
but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later
what made you laugh the most?
matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said
what bored you?
this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem
also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!
what disappointed you?
cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.
what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?
see above.
what things did you predict that came true?
JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK
what are some things that were really unexpected?
ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:
- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((
-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((
-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl
-liking jesse as much as i did
-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho
-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it
- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him
are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?
yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)
are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?
I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.
who was your favorite new character?
does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!
what places in the book would you like to visit?
that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl
did you like the ending?
ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((
what did you think of the epilogue?
i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this
what are your thoughts on the engagement?
i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.
what did you want to see that didn’t happen?
matthew getting therapy periodt
umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.
what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?
i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug.
what is your favorite pairing as of now?
jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.
which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?
CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER
ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass
matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu
what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?
ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life
and barbara!! she seemed so sweet
which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?
ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.
oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies
which characters got what they deserved?
literally. none of them yet. :(
who should have died but didn’t?
Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent
what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?
okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but
what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?
THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy
which pairing do you like the least?
alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol
what are some theories you have for chain of iron?
- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane
- the bracelet will break (?)
- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book
-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.
what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?
lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)
anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT
#chain of gold spoilers#chain of gold#james herondale#Cordelia Carstairs#Matthew Fairchild#lucie herondale#anna lightwood#thomas lightwood#alastair carstairs#charles fairchild#christopher lightwood#grace blackthorn#jesse blackthorn#tatiana blackthorn#the last hours#tlh#cassandra clare#the last hours spoilers#chog spoilers
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okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you
- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)
-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.
-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.
-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.
- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.
-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.
-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...
- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?
To summarize....I hate it here.
#nbc good girls#good girls nbc#im just venting#really don't want to turn this into a debate#ive been awake for 24 hours and drinking for 20 of those
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LOOSE ENDS, ASSHOLES.
I wrote this 3 days ago, because I just KNEW they were going to fuck it all up.
^PHOTO OF A LIAR, for reference. LONG list of pissed off thoughts below.
ON YOUR WATCH.
That Molly scene in TFP was so horrendous. I don’t even ship them at all, but really. How much of an asshole do you have to be???
How did John and Sherlock survive a bomb by jumping through glass windows and landing 2 stories down on the concrete with no injuries?
How did they get on that boat?
WHY were they on that boat?
WTF was that imaginary plane bullshit???
NO ONE CARES THAT THE DOG ISNT REAL, ARE YOU KIDDING ME
Why did Mary think John would pull away from Sherlock if she died, if she didn’t know she was going to die saving Sherlock? If she’d died ANY other way, John would have no reason to pull away.
Why did Mary give Sherlock the 10000% worst advice in the world (seriously, who tf tells their “friend”, who is a DRUG ADDICT, “GO FUCK YOURSELF on drugs, and GO DIE on purpose” on the random ass off chance that John would find this out in time???)?
Why did Mary have a slip of paper to knock Sherlock out prepared ahead of time?
Why did Mary tell Sherlock and John that “A.G.R.A.” was her initials, when if they had just looked at the fucking drive they would see her real name?
Why was she SOOOOO worried that Sherlock and John would look at the drive, if all that was on there were A.G.R.A.’s identities???
Why did Mary shoot Sherlock directly in the chest point blank, which did kill him enough that the doctors GAVE UP, if she wasn’t trying to fucking kill him dead forever?
Why would Mary not recognize Vivian (or at least, her voice) if A.G.R.A. worked with her?
If Mycroft dealt with freelancers, why did he not know Mary wasn’t fucking MARY???
Why would Mary name her daughter after an alias that could get said daughter KILLED??? AND WE FUCKING KNOW THAT NAME WAS DANGEROUS, BECAUSE MARY LEFT IT BEHIND TO BECOME “MARY MORSTAN” YOU IDIOTS
What did John’s letter to Sherlock say? If is wasn’t going to be addressed, why the fuck would you put it in the episode??
Why did Molly deliver such a hard “John would rather have anyone but you. Anyone” message if it had NO POINT.
Where did the baby go when everyone the baby knew was at John’s “Therapist’s” office at the beginning of TLD? And don’t give me that “it was with friendS” crap, literally only Sherlock, Molly, and Mrs. Hudson went to that kid’s babyshower for fuck sake, John has no other friends.
If you can’t handle the placement of a baby for ONE EPISODE, don’t write one into your show FOR LITERALLY NO REASON.
What was Sherlock’s reoccurring dream that he was telling Ella? Why put that in if it wasn’t important?
If Mary isn’t bad, and therefore wasn’t working with “Faith” and Culverton to set Sherlock up to die (which would have been a perfect and interesting conspiracy), HOW did “Faith” and Culverton know Sherlock would be drugged up enough to fall into their trap??
WTF was the POINT of Eurus texting with John IF SHE WASNT WORKING WITH MARY to mess with Him and Sherlock? Literally ZERO point to the “plot”.
Also, we see that John and Eurus see eachother for a 2nd time at the bus stop. I thought it was important, even though y’all acted like all they did was text, BUT NOPE just another loose end.
TD-12 was absolutely useless, and you spent SO MUCH time on it.
why did mary keep repeating villain lines (“Miss me?” multiple times, “Anyone!” multiple times in her video, literally fuck off)
If mary had time to jump 5 feet to take a bullet after its already been shot than sherlock had time to jump out of the way you idiots
also the irony of your holier-than-thou deduction sequence when Sherlock got shot, about how big spurts of dramatic blood only happens in movies? You literally fucked yourself.
zero point to Sherlock and John’s extended “ROMANTIC LOVE WILL COMPLETE YOUUUUU” scene on every level, went no where
speaking of that scene, how did Sherlock hear “Mary” say that he should wear the hat???? HUH>?
Mrs. Hudson WATCHED Mary’’s DVD with sherlock, why was she all “OH, wonder what this is, what could it be, WOW LOOK JOHN its your wife???” later with John and Mycroft WHEN SHE KNEW SHERLOCK WAS PROBABLY DYING
Also why would she just let John watch that cold, knowing Mary’s face would show up??
Why did you make Irene a lesbian if you were going to keep making her ride Sherlock’s dick via text message AGAIN.
I’m sure she would want to tell you this if she was here, so I’ll relay the message: LITERALLY GO FUCK YOURSELVES, YOU “SHERLOCK CAN TURN A LESBIAN WOMAN STRAIGHT, HES JUST THAT AMAZING, NO HOMO!!!” ASSHOLES
why was John still crying about his no homo bro being dead after two years, no offense to my best friend but I will think of you really fondly but probably not be going to therapy forever and being all “I literally am so heartbroken that i cant even say the things that i wanted to say to him when he was alive”
speaking of that thing that he couldn’t say out loud to Ella the Therapist: i guess he just really wanted to tell sherlock “No homo tho”, just to make sure he knew that before he died
speaking of things unsaid - I guess the serious thing that sherlock was going to say to john on the tarmac, that he chose not to say for absolutely no decernable reason, was “Bro, I’m gonna miss you, bro! We had some good bro times bro, NO HOMO!!1!” and then they do that back-slap hug that guys do so things don't get too homo
no offense to the prop department, but that light-up skull, that would be either lit or not lit or COMPLETELY BLACK, was bullshit
speaking of bullshit: kindly shove all of those elephants up your ass
including that Take-Out menu on Mycroft’s fridge. I hope you get a paper-cut that never heals.
i might as well have not even bothered taking notes on these episodes, when I could have literally never watched the show before, not cared at all, and been totally fulfilled by everything by not giving a shit about details and character arcs and, you know, literally all of ACD’s original works.
OMG SHERLOCK HAS A SISTER, I don’t fucking care.
AW POOR MARY, John and her were clearly soooo in love!! - says a person who thinks couples that don’t want to be together even a little are super romantic
literally he was trying to leave his marriage like a month after it started, literally go fuck yourself
Your show made less sense, in terms of emotion and character arcs, than Guy Ritchie’s cash grab movies. Yeah. I said it.
“Look at us both”. YEAH, LOOK AT YOURSELVES IN THE MIRROR.
oh wait i forgot, you don’t know what a mirror is. what is literature? what are emotions? idk, lets make mary gasp for breathe and say “you were my whole world!!!” to john even though that makes zero fucking sense for her character or their relationship at all and does huge disservice to them both LOL
Mary could have been the most Awesome Badass Mastermind EVER but you fucked her
An Emotional Arc: Its this thing where characters (who, like people) have emotions (CRAZZY i know), and they start in one place emotionally, and end somewhere new through the story! Lets see:
Sherlock: Starts as a suave, kinda swashbuckling guy who tries to tidy up his apartment for John, asks him to dinner, and basically blushes at John’s attention. In the middle: a bit of an asshole, but one who literally tries to die for John over and over, and literally COMES BACK TO LIFE from a FATAL gunshot bc his subconsious doesn’t want to leave John with Mary. End? “Sometimes I text Irene, just like you text your side-chick! No Homo For Life, RIGHT??? Don’t think about how every action I take is to keep you safe or happy, lol”
John: Starts as an emotionally repressed, suicidal, PTSD stricken loner who is immediately enamored with Sherlock’s brain, and literally kills a man like 1 day after they meet. Middle: A bit of an asshole who is horrible at understanding that Sherlock is NOT a robot without feelings - but an asshole who is willing to die for him, and with him, but who has major trust issues. End? “I wish I had REALLY cheated on Mary with Bus Girl, I can’t believe I missed my chance! Also, even though I’m reacting extremely jealously to you texting Irene, I think you should hit that! Now hold me while I cry, and then lets get cake while my baby cries on the floor like a Sim somewhere NO HOMEO”
I will never let you forget this.
Congrats actually, you HAVE made history! You’ve made a Historically Huge Fuck Up.
Your show’s depth is thinner than Donald Trump’s skin.
200+ adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, no courage present - oh, except for that one parody “Oklahomo” one (thanks for including Sherlock tweeting an “Oklahoma!” reference also! if I had balls, that would’ve been a kick to them!).
LOL Sherlock and John - literally so hilarious!! All those people whining “They’re Not GAY that gross, Doyle would be rolling in his grave if he found out people thought that!” and “NO! SHERLOCK IS AN EMOTIONLESS ROBOT except he can fuck irene I'm okay with that for some reason”? They were all right! What a fucking joke.
I guess “Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes [he’s in love with you]. But do you ache for him?” meant nothing—OH WAIT that’s from a show that actually textually acknowledged the feelings of love between it’s two main characters. And they didn’t even say “No homo!” afterwards?? I can’t believe it.
don’t ever ask your audience to pay attention on a subtextual level again. clearly, you can’t handle it.
also: I honestly couldn’t give a shit about your endless and constant derision and annoyance with people asking about the relationship between the MAIN CHARACtTERS OF YOUR FUCKING SHOW get over yourselves, and i really hope somehow ACD comes back as a ghost to haunt you one christmas, just to tell you straightt to your stupid faces that you fucked up, and how sad he is that it will always be 1895 - because nothing ever changes, and they will be stuck there forever, out of time.
how dare you bring Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury into this mess.
Your intentions don’t matter - what matters is that I would have been better off not paying attention to literally ANY details, not caring one ounce about the characters, and just tuning in as a completely casual viewer.
The real lesson was “Caring is not an advantage.”, and that is sad.
And the real Final Problem? “It’s not about the characters, its about some stupid ass dog and a stupid ass ‘Saw’ house, and who gives a shit about the rest.
Congratulations - I no longer care!
#sherlock spoilers#TFP spoilers#tjlc#sherlock meta#LOOSE ENDS#SOOOO MANY because this episode and season were shit apparently#good riddance#johnlock#LONG POST#btw
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Oh Hi!
Oh hey. Haha fuck I sound like my 6 year old self...”Oh hey diary! How are you? Sorry I havent written in a while..” But....yeah. I haven’t. So I think I have quite a few things to catch myself up on.
I am not really sure if the reason I have’nt been writing. It think its a combination of being really busy (I moved, my cousin got married, my grandma Betty passed away, Ive been working two jobs pretty consistently, I’m still in acting classes, I’m trying to find a new agent) mixed with the fact that I am seeing a therapist once a week, so I guess a lot of the things that I would find myself writing about on here are being worked out with a professional in the real world.
The trouble with being so busy, is everything kind of tends to feel like its coming at you at a warped hyper speed, you know? Like I feel like a lot of the time I dont have the luxury or the time to really process anything or be in the present moment because I’m too busy worrying about what needs to be done, or I am working....Its something that I have been trying to work on in therapy. I am also meditating before I go to sleep at night-trying to be present and also boost my self confidence. And when I finally DO have a minute to process things, I find myself being really tired and needing to lie down and close my eyes. Its really hard to find that time for me, and I am learning more and more that that time is something that I really need to find a way to prioritize. Finding time to just be with myself and not be distracted by thoughts of what I ‘should’ be doing or what I need to do in the next couple of days, you know?
I also find myself getting a little sad and scared that I am too busy worrying and stressing and working myself so hard that I am missing out on moments that are more important...Like genuine time with myself or my friends. Really enjoying time in the moment with little things like the sun, blue skies, leaves blowing in the wind, reading a book, painting, writing, etc.
Anyway..I guess that was just a really long winded way of me saying ‘I have been really busy’.
So...I’ll just give a quick recap of the past couple of months.
Okay, so I thiiiiiink I wrote about working on ‘Sacred Lies’ on my last post? But just in case, I will give a quick little refresher. So I got cast as an SOC principle character on a TV show about a cult...and my roommate Daniel actually got cast too, so it was really nice to have a carpool buddy and someone that I could talk to on set. But it turned out that I was actually okay on my own too. The cast was really nice and I ended up making some pretty cool friends with a couple of them.
Its been prettttyyyy much dead for me since then though. So in terms of acting, I have been unemployed since April. And I knooowwww that I should feel liucky for the opportunity-AND I DO!!!. Its just, I am starting to feel a little antsy...and wanting to get back on something...anything!! I’ve said it many times before, but its really hard for a woman to navigate through this industry. And I’m not even a fuckin minority- I know I have white privelage, and I feel shitty saying this, but....Its been really tough for me as a woman in this industry in the past few months, man.
Like. I am just going to rant here for a sec. Since Sacred Lies, Daniel has booked 3 more shows and has gone down to LA twice to see casting directors and shit. And I have had....maaayybe 3 auditions? I wanna say 2 of them were one liners. What reaaallllyyyy bothers me is that I can guarantee that these booking have NOTHING to do with his talent, or his resume (think I have spoken about his weird act-y voice and his horrible, narcissistic attitude). It all has to do with the fact that he is a tall, young looking white guy. THATS IT.
The thing I dont understand about hollywood is this. They FINALLY make these HUGE blockbuster films starring women and people of colour like ‘Wonder Woman’ and ‘Black Panther’ and ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and they all make MAAAADDD bank. They are so well received that they break box office records. Which absolutely makes sense because there are people who are FINALLY feeling represented and like they ACTUALLY see themselves in the characters on screen. But they still make so many films that have a 1. pro-dominantly white cast and 2. Most of the main characters are played by WHITE MEN. Like...How many Hollywood Rom-Coms have cast someone who identifies as First Nations as a lead? Someone who identifies as Middle Eastern? Muslim? Asian? Lesbian? Trans? Non-Binary? Truthfully, there are maaannny things about the injustices in this industry that I am not even aware of, and I could be overstepping my boundaries by saying all of this, but man. If I am feeling unrepresented and angry as a white woman, I cannot even IMAGINE how angry many of the minorities feel. Fuck it makes me so angry man. Honestly, I could talk about this for hours until my head blows up or I throw my fucking computer across the room, so I am just going to stop there by saying this. More people of colour need to be cast (especially First Nations actors!!), more women need to be given larger roles and more women need to write, direct, produce, AD, edit, sound design-every single role in film needs more women. Period.
Okay moving on. My cousin Alex got married this summer! Fuck that was emotional. The whole experience was just so lovely and happy and so much fun. She was married on the lake that we grew up spending our summers on. There was a lot of smoke from forest fires, but it was still so beautiful. Our family was there and it was amazing. I was Maid of Honour (My sister was supposed to be there as Co-maid of honour with me, but she was at school already, down in the states, so she couldn't be there.) and I was also the MC. I was really stressed about it at first, but once I had a few drinks in me, I felt better and had alot of fun (I think the guests had fun too...unless they were all just pretending to laugh at all of my jokes...). I gotta say though, I am not a huge fan of her husband. He’s not friendly, very needy and relies on her too much and their relationship reminded me a lot of what my parent’s looked like when I was growing up. Plus his family is fuckin trash (His bother and his brother’s girlfriend ended up getting in a huuggeee fight the night before the wedding and the cops were called, so Alex’s husband ended up calling her and asking her to come get her...) Anyway. Their relationship isn't any of my business...and as hard as it is to see someone I love be married to someone I dont particularly like or respect, I gotta let it be and hope for the best for her.
My grandma Betty also recently passed. Which was very sad. I’ve experienced death and loss before, but it was when I was younger. This was the first time that I experienced death as an adult. When I think about how my sister and I got through what we did when we were kids, I just...I dont know how in the hell we did it. Becuase my grandma had dementia, and was very unwell and not herself, when I got the call, I was almost relieved. Obviously I was very sad. But I also felt strangely grateful for the time that I had with her and I also felt very lucky to have someone like her watching out over me. Like I FINALLY had someone in my corner. I still cant believe that she's gone. Saying that she ‘passed away’ is still so strange to say.
Anyway...thats pretty much it. Lots of life happened in the past couple of months. Lots of crying, anxiety, laughs, reminiscing, hoping, meditating, painting, more crying, more anxiety...just lots of life man.
I gotta say though, instead of ending this on a note of desperately hoping for ‘something good to happen’ by masking it with “manifesting”, I think I’m going to end it by saying this instead.
I am going to take better care of myself. And be kinder to myself. I think that something good will come out of that regardless. Whether it be through acting or just my relationship with myself. For once in my life, I am going to take care of myself. Everything else comes secondary (at least for now) and will happen as its supposed to, according to the universe.
And by saying that, by putting myself first, I think everything I have ever wanted for myself will come when its ready and in a healthier and more welcomed way.
Okay. Thanks.
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