Thinking of Mary.

Luke 11:27-28

27 As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out,

"Blessed is the mother who gave you

birth and nursed you."

28 He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."

I think I need to make it clear that everything I post is my point of view. I’m no pastor or Bible scholar. I’m simply a man, a sinner, that loves God and the word of God.

So diving into it

This verse is very interesting. A woman calls out to Jesus and blesses Mary. Almost for shadowing that at some point because she is the mother of God people will at some point worship her. Jesus hearing this then says "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."

Almost as if he knew what was to come that although he is Jesus, son of God on earth and in heaven God himself people will in some ways make him second to Mary. Almost as if he knew that people will choose to worship Mary as they do Jesus.

So he makes a statement to in a way, combat that and let people know they blessed not by worshipping the woman who birthed him. Instead they are blessed when they hear the word of God and OBEY IT.

I’m not sure why some worship and pray to Mary, when she was alive no one worshipped her. No one prayed to her, it doesn’t say anywhere that she accepted these prayers and worship. It also doesn’t say she asked for them.

Jesus never says to do it, so why do some people worship and pray to Mary?

Let’s double check to see what God wants us to do.

1 Timothy 2:5

For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

Hmmm ok, so far it looks like only Jesus should be prayed. Looks like he’s the way to heaven.

Let’s look at another verse here

John 14:6

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Ok, Jesus Christ CONFIRMS he is the ONLY way.

So I grew up Catholic, my mother sent me to communion class and then I went to confirmation around 13-14.

At the time I wasn’t into religion, I wasn’t seeking God.

I would pray every night real quick before bed but then I wouldn’t speak to God all morning all day until the next night

I was living a life full of sin. Gangs, sex, petty crime, lust, drinking, smoking here and there.

Regardless here I was in this confirmation class and I’ll never forget what was said but I forget the exact words used. I do in fact remember the overall message and that it was the same class and same day.

Our teacher tells us do NOT pray to false Gods or anyone other than Jesus.

I remember thinking ok that’s pretty obvious we have 1 God we pray to him, I already do that at night I’m good.

Same class and this is where I no longer cared to chase religion.

My teacher tells us

“You CAN pray to Mary and the other disciples so they help guide your prayers to God. Imagine if your parent is made at you and you have to go to your other parent to talk to your parent for you!”

Me in my head I’m thinking wait a minute!?

You JUST SAID don’t pray to anyone else! But not only that now your saying that my all forgiving God who forgives those who are truly sorry can’t listen to my prayers because he’s so mad at me!?

I gotta go through another person? Who has NO supernatural powers? Who are they to tell God “hey man, listen to dudes prayers will ya?”

They have no authority over God!

Man, when I tell you I finished my confirmation and never looked back at the Catholic Church again I mean it.

I was done with religion, all of em.

I didn’t care to be part of anything because I felt like it was all misconstrued. They took the word of God and twisted it and made it something it’s not.

It’s crazy to think a sinner at that age in his heart knew something wasn’t right about this teaching.

I’m now 34 years old. I was 33 when I finally made the decision to follow God and try to be a disciple as best as I can with what I have. Almost 17 years after my confirmation, I’m walking with Christ.

Not to say I stopped believing in him, I definitely didn’t.

It was God and I only for 17 years but I had no guidance, I didn’t read the Bible, I didn’t listen or go to church. So I didn’t know how my walk with him was supposed to go.

At 33 I chose to try a Christian church.

I told myself I’m not going to accept Christianity but I’m going to listen to the word.

Man, oh man

Was I WRONG.

Thinking Christianity was a religion was my first mistake it’s not a religion it’s a relationship with God.

Ever since I was 14 I was basically a christian because I only worshipped Jesus from that point on.

I knew the disciples and I knew Mary and whole heartedly respected them.

As far as worshiping tho I saved that only for Jesus.

I’m 34 and learning all the time. I’m a Christian now, I have a relationship with God. The goal tho isn’t to be a Christian it’s to be a disciple of Jesus and that’s what I’m working on in my life now.

I hope that anyone and everyone who sees this knows that someone who was in the dark, involved in the worst kinds of things at a young age is now in the light with his father.

I urge you to follow Jesus and his word just as it is plain and simple in the Bible.

As far as worshipping anyone other Jesus let’s stop that as he’s commanded us to.

Let’s respect them, love them and thank them for the roles in what they’d done and helping to inspire us to be like them.

Every blog will be closed out in a quick prayer and this one is finished so let’s say these final words.

Heavenly Father, as we read our bibles today we thank you lord for your word. We thank you for the knowledge you have left for us, amazed at how your word has been here for so long and will continue to prosper into the future as we await your return. Heavenly Father I ask that you give your people understanding of your word, to grow into your word and follow your word. I am a sinner lord, forgive me for my sins and let your will be done.

Please continue to bless the eyes that seeing this in abundance.

In Jesus almighty name AMEN!

Have a blessed day

I love y’all

✨🌼Dear Bangtan and ARMY🌼✨

    Hello. Although I’ve been saying this every day lol hi. It’s Wednesday night. I was supposed to do my strength training but I decided to do my third day on Thursday lol I got into this Swedish film my sister recommended to me and I could not stop watching it and I have to say that this film is by far one of the saddest romantic films I have ever watched with just slice of life added in there. It is just beautiful and I was crying throughout and it just gets so serious and I love it. My sister really knows good films lol I blame her for the tears but it made me feel some type of way tonight and it just made me think about the things and people I love and if I really love them. Life is precious but so sad. -__- I feel like I need to cleanse my heart. Like damn. The film is called “A Man Called Ove” it’s just so good but there are many strong themes of self-harm in it so please do not watch if you can’t watch with that theme in mind and also if you don’t mind subtitles. But, I do recommend watching it if you can. It hits so much and you just collectively follow Ove through his life as he slowly opens up his heart to his neighbors after the passing of his wife, Sonja. The ending is just beautiful and I could not. It’s just reminiscent of the first time he encountered his wife and it’s like he reached heaven with her and it’s just beautiful the way Ove smiles at her. But, Ove and Sonja’s relationship is just so sweet, like this man literally built a ramp for his wife after she got into an accident and had to be in a wheelchair and they kept denying her to teach anywhere because there was no wheelchair accessibility. He fought tooth and nail for his wife to teach because she studied to be a teacher and the accident impeded it a bit. But, Ove stood by her and did everything to make her life normal even to the point of renovating an entire kitchen for her. It’s insane and just beautiful. I also loved how in the beginning there was this flashback when they both moved into the neighborhood and Sonja had a ton of books and Ove just built bookshelves for her without hesitation. 😭 Like y’all come on! That’s a love language to me lol Build me a bookshelf for my books and manga like YESSSSS!!! Lol 😆 But beyond this, the backstory is just deep. I love how Sonja treated Ove even though he didn’t read much and only mostly knew about engines. She treated him as her equal regardless and didn’t treat him less. I love that. It’s a lovely film. I literally cried so much when Ove was outside the school and just building Sonja that ramp in the rain. He went against the law and did it because he wanted to support Sonja’s dream to teach and he would not give up.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭That is love.  But, I put a post with some quotes with scenes I related to from the film. 🎬

   To get back to the letter lol I just have one question first, Kook, honey, what kind of detox were you on? I just want to ask because I am just wondering. I am not aware of many detoxes and only knew of juicing and slight fasting and even ones with lemon water but I have not known of those that extend for a while. I saw you said your detox failed lol I thought you finished it already because I thought maybe you were doing a detox for one day when you spoke about it that one time in your past live. Lol I’m not aware, please do give me some intel as I am not aware. But, this is why I don’t do diets or detoxes as I could never go through it enough as I am indebted to food and I can’t give it up. Hehe This short body of mines requires the fuel of a Lion. I have too much energy and food feeds it. 😂 Food is life and I only ever turn it away when I feel really sick and nauseated and that happens every few so times but not frequently. I forget to drink my water sometimes but I am doing better lol😁 I hope you enjoy your food these days. I encourage you to do so like me and Jin lol I heard that Jin has been eating really well lately and I am happy. Foooooooood🤤 Also, I was cracking up when Taehyung randomly joined the convo with Jimin saying he just had a nice nap. Lmao I could never third wheel in a conversation like that because of my introverted tendencies. When my friends did that I was always the one with the three dots and never answered back lmaoo “…” it would be crickets until someone asked me something.😂But, I was eating and came back to that whole convo and your recipe and I was laughing so hard. I love y’all. My afternoon was cheery today. 🤣🤣🤣👏

     For this week I watched most of Yoongi, Joonie, and Hobi’s lives up to the military announcement from Hobi. Let’s get into it. 😇

-I love how Yoongi came for VDAY and Jin came for White Day.🥰 So NICE. Lol but, yes!!! Min Yoongi you are right with this: CHOCOLATE IS HONESTLY TASTIER THAN CANDY.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BELGIAN CHOCOLATES ENTERED THIS CHAT. Lol I love it!!!!

-I think those 17 years of holding it down with Slam Dunk is worth it Yoongi. Lol I was also surprised when out of nowhere I kept seeing people posting about it lol 😂 I was like, “people finally appreciating anime so openly” lol I remember when I use to get mocked for even being into Kuroko No Basuke lol I remember when someone was once like, “You just love a bunch of pretty 2D boys” and I was like “At least they got more bars than you and can score, homie” lol I joked like that in high school. 😂 miss me with those pretty boy comments lol Aomine Daiki would end people. I love that blue-haired 2d boy. lmao His energy is sometimes cocky at first and very intense, but he is cool later in the manga and when you see his walls go down he is a softie.  lol I love my manga and I will defend my fictional characters to the ends of the world. Lmaoo And Yes!!! Yoongi the manga is always more fun compared to most anime movies. The manga always has more story and depth than any 1 hour or 2 can ever try to fill in. It’s cool to see but it’s not the whole vibe. Lol let’s be real here. As an avid manga reader for almost a decade, I can say this with confidence. I remember people would talk about anime films and I read more than watched and I would always spoil backstories for them because they didn’t know haha 😂

-I related when you talked about how far into the plays Slam Dunk went with the manga and I thought of Kuroko No Basuke and how with the anime, each season was insane because they were just like one to two plays happening each season and it was just milked so much that you would have to wait for the next season to see who won and it’s intense lol each season would end dramatically. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 It’s like one whole season is just one gameplay and it’s just pure filler and flashbacks leading up to it and you just want to know who wins lol 😂 The manga just rips the band aid and goes straight for the plot twists. I love reading finished mangas because of that. I hate waiting but some stories are too good.

-Yoongi, your favorite character is Hisashi Mitsui in Slam Dunk, well my favorite character from Kuroko No Basuke is between Aomine Daiki, Midorima Shintaro, and Kiyoshi Teppei. Hehe I notice you went for a shooting guard character hehe lol I see you Yoongi. I love power forward, center, and also shooting guard. I made this decision after observing those three characters through the anime and manga lol 😆Also, Yoongi it’s okay if you talk a lot about Slam Dunk lol I got you with Kuroko No Basuke haha if any ARMY out there enjoyed that manga too, HELLO! Join my club. Hehe 🏀

-Yoongi since you didn’t get any chocolate, here is some from me to you lol ✨🍫💝🍫✨ Remember, imagination goes a long way. Lolllllll🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

-With the NBA finals, I don’t follow basketball in real life lol but with your predictions for the East and West, I wonder if they will go through. Hehe You said Suns, Memphis, and Milwaukee as possibilities, let’s see. Hehe It’s fun to follow sports. This is me with soccer from time to time but not fully. Lol Like you said, sometimes it’s fun to be a fan of something. I think this is one of those cases.

-I am happy that you enjoyed your vast time in Paris also as Valentino’s ambassador. I think that’s awesome to do new things and also expand. I see some of the members are going for different brands that suit their personalities and energy and I dig it.👍 Fighting, Yoongi!

-lol the 7 tattoo. I can only assume it’s on your chest or anterior area. Lol since Jin did it behind him, I was thinking, you and Jin are alike in some ways and I thought as a guess that you did the opposite of Jin and did it frontal instead of backward lol but it may just be somewhere simple like your arms or inner arms. I am just overthinking. Haha 😆 Also, I wonder why Jin decided to do his tattoo on his back? I wish to ask him. That is an interesting placement. I always found it hard to add one on my back and could not decide as easily as my anterior tattoos. They say back tattoos are more personal because it is not as shown and I think that is why it's hard for me. In the front people can see but behind me it's more hidden and something about it feels sacred compared to tattoos I can show. lol I give props to Jin and anyone who has back tattoos, especially well-hidden ones like Jin's 7. lol

-“But since I was young, I walked pretty quickly…It’s not a place that I’m using on my own. There are many people there. And there’s quite a number of people who get hurt…but I feel that I need to hurry and leave in order to make it less disruptive to the other passengers. I think about that quote a lot…I’m thankful for everyone who comes, but people run into doors and fall…” This right here.💕 I always wondered if you walked fast because of anxiety as I do when I want to leave a place with a lot of people walking everywhere. I do it when I go to the mall or any place with a huge amount of people. But, I finally see. And this is very considerate and kind of you Yoongi. Thank you for saying this and also truly caring about your surroundings. I dig this. 🙏

-When you talked about your wrinkles as your doubled eyelid lol I was thinking about my crow's feet on my eyes because I love to smile more these days and I think it’s cute.☺️ Maybe your double eyelid came about from eye smiling so much over the years. Hehe 😉 Let's flex those smile wrinkles hehe it shows at some point we were given a reason to be happy in this life. I like to think of it that way.🥰

-“Challenges are always welcome.” Yes, Min Yoongi. Lol I’m doing one right now and I am welcoming it well. Hehe🔥🔥🔥 LET’S GO!!!

-I have not watched THE GLORY but I heard of it and it’s not for those with a light heart. Lol I was laughing when you said “very provocative” I enjoy being provocative when I feel comfortable around people but it’s mostly with dark humor or my unending sarcastic cynical views of life lol 😂

-Your live reminded me, Yoongi. To all ARMY who are hitting those midterms and mid-projects before the summer comes as we are still waiting for spring and June seems close, do your best. If you are graduating or even just finishing up another year of school or even an internship or job. FIGHTING, HONEY! You can do it! Remember, no guts, no glory. You are almost there. 💪✨ I wish you all the best! This stuff ain't easy but the universe and Homie Jesus lol, did not bring you things they didn't think you could get through and accomplish. If they believe only you are capable of doing what you are doing, believe in your capability, baby.💜

-Yoongi, I was glad I got your age right lol 😂 My mom thinks I’m turning 28 lol And when I go to order a sandwich from time to time these days, people think I’m still 18 lol I go with a hoodie out a lot so no one can see my tattoos😂 I live youthfully as Jin says to do and I feel youthful. Lmao However, when I go out in shorts and people see my tattoos I don’t get carded for medications. Lmaooo

-“The company has screenings.” Whattttt????? Y’all lucky lol I would be in that room every day with my pizza and snickers lol 😂 BTS CREW lucky but it’s well deserved. I wonder, do y'all got a huge theater, or is it like just a giant seminar room with a big screen?lol

-“The notice went up.” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh when you said this, I was thinking that beyond coming for VDAY lol you came to celebrate the release of your tour dates with ARMY and that is so sweet.😭😭😭😭😭💜

-Let’s meet offline, Yoongi. 🙏😌 I can’t wait for the tour to start. Joonie told us all to be strong with you and for you and I send all my support too! You can do it! 💪 If we think with a vision of prosperity and victory, that is what will be our reality. Let’s not doubt and carry on together well! May the Agust D Tour go well. ✨

-Joonie my family has that issue too with gray hair growing at an early age. I don’t have it but my sister does. It is common to also get gray hair at a young age. It’s not that rare but I think many people may think it is lol it can be caused to heavy onset stress as well as hormonal changes. I think it’s cool though. So many people try to bleach their heads to get gray tones as well, these days so I think it’s cool to even get them naturally lol it’s a vibe when you embrace it well. Hehe

-I am happy you are calm these days. I am just chaos with a hint of peace lol 😂

-“And I think I’m off the ‘Indigo’ mode. I think I’m on the next stage already.” I think it’s natural to feel this way. When you let it all out, a certain space gets left and you can fill it with new things. I like that sentiment. Fighting, Joonie!

-“We work to play and play to work. We have to have fun in life.” It’s kind of like the saying, we work to live not live to work. It’s contradicting but it’s true. This also reminded me that fun is what we make or define as fun. I feel like sometimes people see fun as linear and fun can be anything just depends on what reality you wish to create for yourself. The question at the end of the day in choosing what to do is: is what you are doing today adding to the life you wish to always work for?

-About your workout injuries lol I read about them but I will just say about your shins just in case lol, I hope you do mobility warmups so you don't get shin splints in the future as I did. They are a pain and require a lot of recovery time depending on how severe they get but if you prevent them, you will be fine. hehe I have been strengthening my knees like crazy and it is like a solid foundation for movement in my shins too and I feel so good. lol I just have issues overworking the back part of my legs.

-HOBIIIIIIIIIIIII *FOR THE THUMBNAIL* got me on the floor! So CUTEEEEEEE. ✌️😜✌️ lol 😭😭😭

-LEGOLAS HOPE!!!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!!!! Lol I love that you said that you put your all into those photos because they are TOP-TIER shots!!!!! ✨✨✨✨✨✨ CHO GI-SEOK has a golden eye! 👏👏👏👏👏I have to admit still that the flower photos were IT!!!! The creative eye to those is just chef’s kiss. 👌

-“I do think that these are the kind of images that only I can do in that specific time.” I love how you really appreciate the power of a moment. This adds to the idea of the many videos and photos you have captured through the years with Bangtan. You know that once a moment and opportunity is there it can be gone and never be done again. That’s precious. I love you Hobi.😭💕

-Your TMI is so pure lol 20 minutes to pick clothes. You really think hard for ARMY. 😭

-Lmao ARMY dating Bangtan for a couple of minutes is the new “Yoongi Marry Me” trend 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I love how you said “I enjoyed it. Thank you” Lmaoo

-I’m crying at your wish here, “I guess to finish off everything that I’m doing right now well?” And I think you did thus far, especially with ON THE STREET. 🙏✨ You are proof that you can tell people your wish and it can happen still lol but in all seriousness, I am glad you have been doing things well the way you wanted to, honey.🥰 Also, thank you for trusting us to listen to you for all these years too.

-“The problem is that I’m way too healthy.” It’s not a problem lol to me that is world peace. 🙌 When my people eat well I love to hear it and I want them to. 😁

-“I’m good at wearing what I wore already, huh?” Lol This just proves you are versatile. ✨You can do something with the same things and make it look new and different than the last time. I love this. It’s an Aquarius thing I think.✨ Y’all turn anything into an art form.

-I was laughing about this “he’d beg me to get rid of some clothes.” Lol that sounds like Jimin. If he saw my closet he would tell me to get more clothes lol 😂 I am in my hermit era so I just got essentials and athletic wear.  I donated so many of my clothes because I wanted to downsize and be minimal this year to try it lol

-HOBI!!!!!! Did you do a SUCHWITA episode??????????? Lol is this why you drank a bit lol

-“When j-hope moves, there are no useless movements.” 👍 TRUE. Not just in dancing but also in your work. You do power moves and look at all the things you chose thus far as well as with collaborations. 😌🙌Juts gains upon gains. That's wasssup!!!!

-“‘j-hope is a multitalented artist.’ And who made that kind of j-hope? ARMY did.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭HOBIIIIIIII😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Nah. We don’t deserve you. I see what you mean but also this is just so sweet. 😊💖

-I get what you mean by saying that you don’t see yourself as a vocalist but also, I think you can sing. Singing to me is beyond just sounding a certain way but also being in love with the action of doing it. Plus, I don’t think ARMY can forget about the DNA demo lol HOBI, come on lol That is pure proof of another side of your voice. 🙂 I think I contemplated life after hearing that demo over and over again. lol ARMYs comments tell me the same lol

-Mickey doing well is happiness to me. I’m glad that since that last time, Mickey's health is doing better. 😊 I’m glad. Furry children are precious. 😭

-Rosalía x Hobi 🤝 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 I love how you be out here enjoying a lot of Latin music Hobi. Lol you really are our Jose lol 😂 But I dig it. I still remember when ARMY would nickname you that Spanish name lmao But, I listen to HIGHEST IN THE ROOM a lot, DESPECHÁ because of my parents lol they enjoy her music too, and I also like to chill to COMO UN G. Hehe 🔥🔥

-I need to catch up to RUN BTS lol I most likely will later down the line hehe but, from what I saw from ARMYs posts lol Namjoon is one to look out for this season because I saw how chaotic it went down with him and how he kept scoring and taking the ball. Lol now that I heard you pulled a Mbappé ceremony I must watch it!!!! Lol

-Jimin going all out dancing for you lol 😂 the moment he put his head back I was out of my seat. Jimin was serving unintentionally lmaooo 👏👏👏🤣🤣

-Jimin you are funny lol y’all really be out here joking about Jin as if you didn’t just call him a few minutes ago  lmaoo this: “Times probably not passing for Jin though, right?”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I love you Jimin. Haha

-“He just misses people.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 We miss him too. JINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-“So, we can beat the Sand Castle Wars.” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 An inside joke that ARMY gets because y’all been about building sand castles in weverse for a while lol I love this.

-“It’s only been 3 weeks.” Thank you for working hard on your English, Jimin lol 😂 You are almost at a whole month. 💪I love how Hobi just spilled it out of nowhere but it’s nice that y’all have been talking with each other still that you can be like this. Lol

-“There’s a reason for everything.” 🙃 will we ever know why your phone case got dirty? Maybe? Maybe not? Lol 😂

-“I’m constantly getting mad at myself, and then overcoming it. As you do that, you grow. I must grow!” I love the passion here but I laughed when Hobi told you to say this in English and said ‘I’m not baby!’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I drowned in tears there a little. Y’all so unserious. I love it.

-WORDS FOR ARMY IF ARMY NEEDS A REMINDER brought to you by Hobi: “ARMY, YOU ARE THE STANDARD, A GIVEN.” 💜🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 When you forget who you are and what power you hold, don’t forget you are the freaking standard.👏💜 Hobi called it. Thank you, Hobi. I gained strength from your words today. I am that JENN. I get stuff done. I go above and beyond. I am powerful. I don’t need to be at someone’s table when I am more than capable of making my own table lol 😂 that’s wassup!!! That’s the energy I am talking about!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥I love this. When people support me like this, it adds to my passion. lol

-I think it was nice that Jin called you as soon as the military announcement came out. I see Jin be getting the weverse notifications lol he’s an ARMY just like all of us too.🤣

-Hobi, at least we know that the second person we get back is you after Jin and that is exciting. 2SEOK is coming back first. Lol I can’t wait. 😆👏👏👏👏 I think it’s cool y’all have been preparing small gifts and videos for us. It feels like Jin is still here as he comments here and there and his videos add to it. I feel at ease a little bit. Lol I will appreciate your gifts too. I wonder what you will be gifting us in the future, but for now, I will enjoy the present with you.☺️I love you j-hobi! 🌈

-“I was always a true ARMY, everyone!” Haha I know especially because you have reposted past ARMY posts and videos and I guess you get some of the inside jokes within ARMY, Hobi. lol 😂 We all know you have been observing ARMY on socials lol

-And Hobi I just wanted to say this before I end this letter and if you did even a small video or live with your shaved head my spirit will leave my body lol I could not handle the hotness.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I think people look awesome with semi-bald heads. Lol it has that hardcore edge that can’t be created with regular hair lol something about it is lit. 🔥🔥🔥 But that’s just me. Haha Plus look at Jin, he has this new wholesome glow to him. Lol I love it. Thank you for coming for your birthday and even after the announcement Hobi. I enjoyed your lives a lot lol With Jimin, y’all know how to joke around. Y'all are my kind of people. Lol 😂

    I know that SET ME FREE PT.2 Is coming as well! Before I go and it releases, I wish to say FIGHTING, OUR JIMINIE!!!!!!! LET’S GO!!! Phase 1 of FACE IS HERE LOL ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨I’m on Jimin lockdown now haha I just wanted to ask, but I wonder how that track came to be because I wonder with Yoongi’s mixtape. The track Set Me Free. I don’t know what to expect and I wish the best. I can’t wait to see it and hear it.😇 🔥🔥🎶🔥🔥 SET ME FREAKING FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Lol 😂ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! We focus on Jimin tonight!

   I shall go now. I must go eat dinner and catch up on errands hehe I am posting this early and I hope y’all have a nice day. Please eat something delicious today! I love you. Please take care and remember just in case that even if you fail at something today, It’s okay. The people we become are made up of all the little moments we have chosen to quit something and then get back up to do things differently. Acknowledge defeat and then get up and move differently you don’t always have to do things the same way. Do it the way it feels best for you. Hehe 👍 Bye bye! 🤗 Also, I hope you enjoyed you ramen Kook. lol

With love,

Your Jennifer✨ 🤟🐰✨

Guess who’s back (back back) back again

Welp. It is a beautiful rainy day today. When they sky is gray as far as the eye can see, the world feels a little smaller (in a good way). Still struggling with getting things done. It feels like there are just SO many things to do, I don't even know where to start. I should probably physically write everything down so I can organize... but who knows if I'll get to that. Although, I am feeling more motivated to get to work on some graphic design ideas that have been floating around in my head for awhile. I also need to get moving on Christmas gifts- I had planned to make a document full of links and pictures, so I could know exactly where to go for black friday / cyber monday. Also, I certainly don't mean physically go anywhere - I tried black friday once, and hated every minute of it. As if being around throngs of people on any normal day isn't bad enough - when material greed and a sense of urgency are put into play, well, it gets gross. *cough* pandemic toilet paper and sanitizer *cough cough* I am still watching Lucifer and getting my emotions wrecked so, nothing new there. I'm trying to power through it as fast as possible so I can put it all in the rear view mirror. I have this thing with movies, books - where it's like I take on the mood of whatever it is I'm invested in at the time. It feels like my thoughts and personality shift. After getting done reading I often feel very out of sorts, like it takes me awhile to feel as though I'm back in the real world again. When I read, it's like watching a movie - most of the time I don't even realize I am reading. I get told all the time - "it's just a movie, it's not real" anytime I'm having my heart broken over a particularly sad part. And yes, that much is obvious in the most literal sense, but almost always you can draw a real-world comparison. Potential Lucifer spoilers here - but like, for example, when Charlotte died, I was a hot mess. Yes I know she isn't a real person. That character is not a person who actually died. But people do die in the real world all the time. Then I begin to think about the people who never had enough time with someone they loved - and nothing you can do can bring them back, or give them more time together. Some die painfully young, and some just die painfully. I imagine myself in that position. If my love had just died, how would I be feeling? What would I be missing?... I would miss how they smell, how good and comfortable and safe it felt to be held by them. How they would make fun of me for ridiculous things. How they'd very often break out into random songs that made me laugh. How although it took me years and a lot of struggle and pain to finally open myself up to someone - I had finally succeeded in doing so, regardless of the risk. How every time I see their favorite candy, type of car, or something we used to joke about - they would be all I could think of. Everything in the world would remind me of them, and there would be no escape from the pain. THAT is why I cry about movie deaths. Because those things DO happen to people all the time. It isn't just contained to fictional works. That massive and deep amount of heartbreak has been felt before and will be felt again - and there is nothing to be done about it. I hate that anyone should have to go through such a thing. I would feel as though most of my life had been ripped away - and the absolute finality of it, is heartbreaking. Often times I can get through something if I know that at some point, it will end. Sometimes that's the only thing that gets me through. But to know that their absence and everything they were - the entire world that they were - is just gone and will never return... well, I think that is worth having a good sob. ANYWAY... That's kind of what I'm going through watching Lucifer. And also, of course, the sadness that comes with knowing the world will never be as fantastic as in fiction. I don't believe heaven or hell exist - I'd love to be wrong, but I don't see it. There are so many things that we as humans will create and entertain in an attempt to calm the panic that comes with consciousness - and being aware that we will not live forever. It's terrifying. the more we learn about the size of the universe around us, well, it's hard to even wrap your mind around. I don't know if you've ever seen those animations they have, about size comparisons as they zoom out from earth, but it's insanely frightening. We are so, so small, in such a huge place. It is more than enough to make one question their place in this existence, in so many ways. We want to be important, we want our existence and lives to have meaning. To not just be another blip on the radar that disappears without a trace. It's hard to accept that we really don't know how the universe ultimately works.. how we came into being, or even became conscious. We don't know how things truly began or were created - but we do know- to an extent- that some day nothing will remain here at all. Our planet and everything we have ever made or done, will be swallowed by the sun and cease to exist. Past that, even, the sun someday will not exist. Why bother progressing? Why bother producing much at all? Or why record and try to leave things for people to remember us by? Eventually, there will be no one to remember anything, and no proof that anything ever actually existed to begin with. The thing I have to keep telling myself - is that even if there is no proof, even if there does come a time where simply nothing exists at all anymore - it won't change the fact that things did happen. Proof or not - the physical materials, the lives, the thoughts - they were here, whether anyone could prove it or not. And I think we created religion to try and tame this fear of our actions and our lives being all for naught. I think it was an attempt to not succumb to terror and hopelessness. And so, I do not think any of it is real. Of course I would love to feel like I had that reassurance - That once this body of mine shuffles off the mortal coil - that I will still consciously continue somewhere. I've realized myself that I'm quite attached to myself as an individual. I would want to remain me, wherever it was I ended up. But I won't tell myself a lie just to try and feel an ounce of comfort. I'm a firm believer in knowing the truth, whether or not it hurts. Lying to yourself is just... it's a way to live a fake existence, and I don't want that for myself. Anyway, I ought to get going - much to get done today and all that. I guess that was my blurb for today. I may have more later - although it seems I'm never around my laptop when these miles long trains of thought hit me. So... there's that. Until next time

Anonymous said: Rhea: What/Who gives you the safest, gentlest, most comforting feeling in the world?Stheno: Is violence the answer in response to a sibling’s demise?Tartarus: Do you think that people should take responsibility for their mortal sins and be tortured for them? - for Lucifer 

( GREEK MYTHOS IC HEADCANON QUESTIONS )

Rhea: What/Who gives you the safest, gentlest, most comforting feeling in the world?    “  I  don’t  ever  feel  particularly  unsafe.  “  Lucifer  answered  ,  wings  shuffling  a  bit  as  he  adjusted  how  he  was  sitting.  “  But  falling  asleep  in  my  bed  would  be  the  most  comforting  feeling.  Fading  away  from  the  world  ,  suspended  without  thought  or  stress  or  the  burdens.  “  But  always  ,  always  he  would  wake  again  ,  not  anywhere  close  to  fading  as  so  many  other  angels  had  through  the  eons.

   “  But  for  a  person  .  .  .  “  Once  ,  once  upon  the  time  might  have  been  Michael  whenever  they  were  sat  under  that  tree  in  Heaven  ,  in  the  times  before  Lucifer  fell  and  soared  out  of  Michael’s  reach  forever.  "  That  would  have  to  be  Samael.  He  knows  me  better  than  another  and  that  in  itself  is  comforting.  He  can  express  certain  matters  better  as  well  ,  translating  from  me  for  others.  Although  Solomon  is  comforting  in  understanding  the  burden  and  loneliness.  “  But  in  the  end  ,  even  that  too  faded.  In  the  end  ,  no  one  was  completely  understanding  of  him.

Stheno: Is violence the answer in response to a sibling’s demise?  ( NGL this one threw me for a loop because I HAVE Stheno as a muse and momentarily wondered if it was for her )    “  It  can  be.  “  Angelic  features  remained  perfectly  calm.  “  But  it  doesn’t  have  to  be.  For  example  ,  if  it’s  natural  then  what  good  does  violence  do  ?  If  you  hated  that  sibling  ,  why  would  violence  be�� the  answer  ?  If  you  never  knew  them  ?  “  Lucifer  shrugs  his  shoulders.  “  There  is  not  one  answer.  It  might  be  the  answer  to  some  ,  it  might  not  be  to  others.  What  if  it  might  kill  you  too ?  It  would  be  an  individual’s  choice  to  decide  if  it  was  worth  pursuing  violence  or  not.  Freewill  and  individuality  allows  for  that  choice.  My  answer  holds  no  value.  It  is  to  the  individual  to  decide.  But  I  can  understand  it  being  an  answer  and  I  can  understand  it  not  being  the  answer  with  equal  ability.  “

Tartarus: Do you think that people should take responsibility for their mortal sins and be tortured for them?    “  If  you  thought  this  was  a  funny  question  to  ask  ,  I’m  not  amused.  “  But  was  he  surprised  that  someone  would  ask  him  such  ?  No  ,  not  particularly.  Of  course  someone  was  bound  to  ask  if  the  opportunity  was  presented.  “  That  is  how  HE  designed  for  it  to  be.  I  have  not  spent  much  of  my  time  dwelling  on  such  matters.  Are  we  going  sins  by  HIS  definition  or  mine  ?  "  He  closes  his  eyes  in  thought.  “  But  yes  ,  regardless.  Everything  has  a  price  in  some  way.  But  my  definition  of  sins  will  differ  from  others  or  the  classic  ideas  to  some  degree  ,  I’m  certain  of  that  much.  So  not  all  of  what  humans  call  or  define  as  sin  would  I  think  deserved  torture.  But  to  my  own  definition  of  sins  ,  if  someone  commited  such  then  I  would  say  they  do.  “

GABRIEL MAY (MALIGNANT) NSFW ALPHABET

TW: mentions of dysmorphia, NSFW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Surprisingly, Gabriel actually NEEDS it, after each lovemaking session - no matter how gentle or how rough he was with you. He’ll draw the both of you a hot bath, and help you wash yourself. If you return the favour, this boy will positively melt, and let out tiny noises that sound suspiciously similar to little purrs. Afterwards, once he has patted your dry with a fluffy towel and dressed you in your favourite pyjamas, Gabriel will carry you to bed, and place you under the covers. Then, he will bring your favourite snacks and beverage, to enjoy while you huddle together to watch a movie before falling asleep.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Gabriel could never pick just one thing he loves about you - because he practically worships you body and soul. You are infinitely beautiful in his eyes, and the fact that you love and accept him for who he is feels like a miracle to him.

Since he doesn’t actually have a body of his own, he expresses his identity though clothes that he wears, which are different than the ones owned by Madison. Although they’re not body parts per say, he sees his leather coat and makeshift gold dagger as extensions of himself, and he enjoys donning them whenever he takes over his twin’s body. He will, sometimes, remain fully clothed during sex.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His pleasure is your pleasure, and he will make you cum as much as possible, if only to enjoy your desperate moans and whimpers. 

Being transmasc and trapped his Madison’s body, he suffers from severe dysmorphia and doesn’t really enjoy being touched intimately. And, as stated HERE, he did communicate with his sister when the two of you decided to become intimate, because he felt like this specific situation called for his sister’s consent. She doesn’t have access to his memories regarding his sex life, though - which is for the best.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It’s not a secret that he loves watching you pleasure yourself. The first time he witnessed it, you weren’t aware he was there, lost as you were in the act, so he quietly enjoyed the show from the door, a smug smirk playing at the corners of his mangled mouth.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

You are Gabriel’s first and only love, and the only person who ever saw him as a human being, worth of respect and adoration. So he doesn’t have that much experience, but he did his research and tried to learn as much as possible about the human body’s erogenous spots. That makes up for his lack of actual physical experience, at least most of the times. But since your guys’ relationship is based on trust, respect and communication, Gabriel is never ashamed to ask what works for you, and what doesn’t.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary, since he usually uses his mouth, fingers or a strap-on to pleasure you - and he wants to be able to look at your face, kiss your lips and hold you in his arms during sex. Gabriel is a very tactile person, and extremely touch-starved, so he actually NEEDS to be held, caressed and comforted. It’s the main reason why he enjoys making love to you so much, because the physical intimacy is something he’d never experienced before.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I wouldn’t say he’s particularly goofy, but he isn’t very stoic either. If anything awkward ensures during sex, he will try to make you laugh about it, so that you can relax and move on.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He doesn’t actually have a private area of his own, and its pretty much Madison’s business as to how she grooms her nether region. He doesn’t actually care about those parts, since he never uses them.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Very intimate, very romantic and very needy. As stated above, he craves physical contact, and he melts whenever you treat him with gentleness and affection. Hold him, kiss him, caress his scarred cheeks, and tell him how good he makes you feel, and Gabriel will be putty in your hands.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t actually partake in this act, as he doesn’t enjoy looking at, or touching the private parts of the body he shares with his sister. But sometimes, he fantasizes about what he would do to you, if he had a body of his own.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Gabriel is surprisingly vanilla, but he can be pretty dominant in the bedroom. He will pin your wrists above your head, as he fucks you into the mattress, or guide you into touching yourself, his voice a mere growl coming from your phone’s speaker. Knife kink, maybe, but only when it comes to cutting off your clothes. He doesn’t wanna hurt you, so unless you insistently ask him to, Gabriel won’t hold his makeshift dagger to your throat, or drag its blade across your skin. After all, he has other ways to let out his violent frustrations, so he feels no need to bring that to the bedroom. He was hurt by people who abhorred him, and he returned the favour years later. Love and violence do not cross paths in Gabriel’s mind.

Also clothed sex, because he enjoys wearing his leather coat and gloves, as he teases your naked body mercilessly.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere inside the house, but the bedroom is his favourite, because it’s more private and safe. Plus, he enjoys taking his time, so the bed is the most comfortable option when it comes to lengthy lovemaking sessions.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Whenever you treat Gabriel with kindness and love, he will feel the need to bring you pleasure, and show you just how much he covets you. For him, sex is a means of expressing his affection for you - it’s an act of adoration and gratitude.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will NOT hurt you, ever, no matter how much you insist. You are the only person who has ever treated him right, and he cannot bear the thought of harming you in any way.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Enjoys giving, and is very enthusiastic about it. This boy will eat you out for hours, and has become fucking expert at it. He knows just how to angle his face, and use his teeth and tongue to cause you maximum pleasure. Your taste is heaven to him, and your needy moans and whimpers are music to his ears. He will edge you, he will overstimulate you, he will play your body like a violin, using his mouth and fingers alone.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on the mood. Slow and sensual is his go to, but he can be rough if you ask him to. But regardless of the pace, Gabriel is ALWAYS very passionate, and completely dedicated to your pleasure. Also, this boy is inhumanly strong, so he may end up becoming rough without even realizing it - but in case it becomes too much, all you have to do is tell him, and Gabriel will apologise and treat you more gently.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not opposed to them, but he prefers taking his time.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s willing to try anything, so long as it doesn’t cause you any actual harm. Hickeys and faint finger-shaped bruises happen a lot, since he doesn’t always calibrate his strength properly all the time.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Oh, he could go on forever. Remember he experiences pleasure exclusively through you, so he never gets tired of it.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Oh, yes, 100% a fan of toys, all of them meant to drive you utterly insane with pleasure.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The most unfair and maddeningly patient tease to ever walk this Earth. He will edge you until you’re crying and begging for release - and only then will he CONSIDER to maybe let you cum.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Low growls and muffled moans are the best he can do - although he may use your phone’s speaker to talk dirty to you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Gabriel really enjoys sucking on and playing with your nipples. And, yes, he has actually made you cum by solely teasing and fondling your chest.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

As I said, he uses a strap-on, which is just the right length and thickness to bring you maximum pleasure. In fact, the more I think about it, the more inclined I am to believe he consulted with you before buying it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I would say his sex drive is medium to low, so unless you initiate it - case in which he will be delighted to take you to the bedroom - he will rarely bring it up. But he does have his moments, when he simply craves your passionate embrace.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It depends. Sometimes he falls asleep as soon as aftercare has been performed, and sometimes he stays awake a little while longer, just to watch you sleep peacefully by his side.

So I’m really sorry if you answered this anywhere else, I know that annyous you but though I’ve been following you I kinda fell out of the active fandom several years before 15x18, although I had been still watching. Anyway, given all of the cursed knowledge you had going into the finale what were your personal expectations? And what I mean is, did you actually think we’d see Cas or some kind of reunion/catharsis or given everything you knew was what we got what you figured we’d get? I know you said the finale tracked mostly with what you knew but I believe there were like 10 minutes or so you didn’t have details for. Did you expect them to actually be anything different than what they were?

Again, sorry if that had been asked before but I was just curious as to what your personal expectation/hope was. If you’ve already answered this somewhere you can just message me saying that and I’ll try and find it again. <3

Well when it comes to the finale tracking on beats I expected, they were fairly simple: Dean was going to die and transcend to heaven, Sam was going to live a life on earth. Cas was going to be restructuring heaven. Jack could land on either side. Honestly uh *flips through episode notes* quite literally that’s all that really happened in the episode unless we count breathtaking reveals like mother fucking JENNY. 

A lot of what was missing was the actual... like, meaningful substance between. 

Eileen, for example; there’s no excuse. Her terps are local. They could have had her mail off images for the frames. They could have said her name.

Dean having a more choice-based crossing that lacked any touch of suicidal idealizations and more a general reunion with the family--be that Cas, Mary, anyone else. Easily could have tied into the Eileen point like [adventures land them in heaven, but jack can send them back; Dean chooses to stay LIVING in eternity with the family, but “Eileen’s waiting for you, and someone has to help Jack out still. Go get her tiger.”]

I did not expect any kind of Empty rescue, as some people seem to think; Cas saved himself, that’s the entire point of his journey.

I more expected something that would be handwaved as familial but would unto itself stand as common sense next to 15.18. Keeping in mind even 15.18 hit the same beat run of speculation and had us all on that talk since 15.09, leaks or no leaks.

Even beyond missing shots and the like, there’s just a lot of actual SUBSTANCE missing here. The beats themselves technically landed in bare form.

I fully expected them to have to worm through on Dean’s stuff, nobody on planet earth argued that Cas was straight, genuinely. Maybe like, 3 weird megstielers, but literally nobody cares about them. Doing that was no risk. It was an Everybody Been Knew, regardless of how noisy antis were, because antis were always noisy from one side. But Dean was going to take some circumnavigating to accomplish and it looks like someone spotted that and gutted it out with a spork.

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester

From: Supernatural

Representation: mlm (*see “issues” section), abuse survivor (Dean) 

Their Importance: Dean and Cas are two characters that many in fandom viewed as LGBTQIA+, with the common belief being that Dean Winchester is bisexual. 

There’s a lot about Supernatural and Destiel, and Dean in general, which I’ll go over in the “issues” section, but I think many people in fandom didn’t expect for the show to actually go anywhere with them - until 15x18, when Cas confesses his love to Dean. It’s riddled with issues, yes, but just speaking as a bi girl who’s been watching Supernatural for a decade now, watching Cas confess his love for Dean was just so incredibly validating. It validated that I - and other fans - weren’t delusional when looking for representation from Cas (and Dean). Cas is a wonderful character and gave a new life to the show, and has been a fixture of the show for 10 years. While like with every character he has his ups and downs, he is a kind, loving character, and the only main character who actually survives the show. Despite the issues on the show, knowing that Cas is canonically LGBT+ is something that’s comforting and validating to me, and continues to be so even as Supernatural kind of trainwrecks around everything else. 

For myself, watching the show, I saw a lot of myself and my journey in Dean. Watching him grow and develop as a character, and try to experience happiness and find comfort in his found family was wonderful for me to see. I started this show when I was a young closeted kid, and I clung to Dean in a way that I didn’t fully understand until years later. I didn’t actually expect him to be explicitly mlm in the show, and for the most part, that didn’t happen - until the Spanish dub. There, we see the romantic reciprocation to Cas, and that’s something that is real and cannot be taken away. In fact, although it was said that it was a “rogue” translator, the episode will not be redubbed, so it is canon in a version of the show. Despite the fact that he didn’t get canonized in a way I expected or would have ever hoped, it still does give me some joy to know that he is canonically LGBT+ (and in my opinion, bi, although there is no actual label given to Dean). Even if it’s not in the version of the show I watched, I can go back and watch the Spanish dub of the episode and see that representation happen onscreen, and that means something to me. 

Issues: The issues list for this show is a mile long, so I’ve split it up into sections and put most of it under a read more:

Dean + Canon Rep: Trying to wade through if Dean is actually canonically LGBTQ+ was....a struggle, to say the least, and I almost didn’t put him into this submission. If you watch the show in English, Dean never once actually reciprocates feelings for Cas, states that he’s into men, or is even confirmed to be in a relationship with other men. Although for many, it is implied, the average audience member may not see Dean as canonically LGBTQ+. However, in the Spanish dub of the show, when Castiel confesses his love to Dean (which is an explicit romantic “I love you”), Dean says “y yo a ti”, which is a reciprocation of Cas’s romantic confession. This post is very long as it is, so I want to link to @destielintheimpala’s timeline of events that occurred for Supernatural and I think it best lays out all the issues about 15x18-20, why it’s been so difficult trying to figure out Dean’s sexuality in canon, why fandom is upset, and can clear up any misinformation. This situation also goes into queerbaiting quite a bit (something Supernatural is infamously known for), which you can read in this article from @thecoolestfreakyouknow. 

Reading Dean as a queer character as well - having a character who is queer (or queercoded) and an abuse survivor and then immediately killing him off is also a huge problem. As mentioned in the link above, Jensen Ackles himself felt uneasy about Dean’s ending, and many Dean fans felt the same way. To have a character suffer through abuse and traumas for 15 seasons, imply or straight out have him be LGBT+ (depending on the canon), and then immediately killing him off in the finale is needless to say, an odd choice. 

Also, with Dean being an abuse survivor - his father, John Winchester, is commonly shown to be neglectful throughout the show, and Dean has to raise his younger brother Sam by himself most times. He expresses trauma from the experiences he’s had growing up with their father and being forced to hunt at a young age. However, the show weirdly seems to flip flop on their portrayal of John, despite also specifically stating that what he put his children through was child abuse. They have Sam telling John that he did the best he could, they have characters excusing away John’s actions, etc. - it was like the writers themselves couldn’t figure out if they wanted John to have been an abusive parent or not. The show ends with John in Heaven with Mary - thus absolving John of his actions and putting him in the same Heaven with the children he abused. 

Castiel: Cas confesses his love for Dean in 15x18, but gets dragged away to a void called “The Empty” immediately afterwards, where he’s meant to be suffering for all of eternity. Cas does get out of The Empty, and even helps to rebuild Heaven - he’s actually one of the few characters to survive the finale - but he never appears onscreen again after 15x18, so fans’ last image of him is getting dragged away to The Empty. Dean never has a follow-up conversation, and there was only one line referencing Cas’s fate, so many fans believed he was still in The Empty suffering.

As the timeline linked above shows, the situation around Destiel is an odd one - the Spanish dub, cast’s overall silence, the lack of Misha Collins in the finale all led fans to believe that something was switched around last minute in terms of Dean’s sexuality and Destiel as a general ship. Obviously, this is speculation unless someone from the show explicitly comes out and says that fans are correct, but it’s included in the issues section because - regardless of it it turns out to be true or not - it’s such a big part of the issues currently surrounding Supernatural and canon representation. In any case, however, Castiel’s confession in 15x18 gave fans hope where they may not have had hope before, and then it was unceremoniously dropped with no real follow up - from a writing standpoint, it isn’t good writing to confirm a major character as queer via a love confession and then never go back to that plot point. While I’m happy that Cas is canonically queer and I’m not trying to say that I would rather not have more representation, I do look back on the show and wonder, with the story that made it to screen, what the actual point of writing that in was. 

As mentioned before, Castiel was a main character on the show for 10 years - while I’m glad that his character survives the series, to not have him show up in the final two episodes (particularly the finale, and especially after canonically making him LGBTQ+) felt like a slap in the face to both the character and the audience who loved him. 

Miscellaneous treatment of characters: In general, Supernatural has many problems in its treatment of female, characters of color, and LGBTQ+ characters. Alongside being incredibly underrepresented in the show, if they do show up, they are commonly tortured, treated poorly, and/or killed off (if not all of the above). Even thinking about their recurring characters who are also representative - Kevin, their only recurring Asian character, is killed off and appears as a ghost multiple times, Charlie, who is a lesbian, gets killed off and replaced in the show with an Alternate Universe version of herself, Eileen, a Deaf woman, gets killed off and then is brought back and is implied to survive the show, but like Cas, never actually shows up in the final two episodes even though she’s Sam’s girlfriend. I can think of very few minority characters in the show in general, much less those who got any type of happy ending. 

Episode Three: Gather raw meat of any kind, red preferred, human is fine TRANSCRIPT

(You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts.)

Recorder clicks on.

SFX: papers shuffling as Val decides on an account to focus on for the day.

ARCHIVIST:

(humming Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost for a few moments as they decide) Which one for today, then? Christ, this place is a mess.

[they stop as they pick up one covered in grime]

ARCHIVIST CONT.:

What in god’s name? What’s all over this one… (they scoff) Great, Val. You’re asking the damn recorder questions now.

[beat, then to the recorder]

Although I suppose you’re good enough company even if you can’t answer… (fondly) aren’t you?

[an awkward beat, a little too long]

(they clear their throat) I suppose I’ll be getting this one over with…

[SFX: shuffle of paper as they pick it up]

Certainly seems the most interesting given the…

[SFX: another shuffle as they flip it back and forth and take it in]

-residue… on it. (they sniff) God, the smell of it. Almost like rotten meat.

(they shudder)

(sighing) Right. Best get right into it… (muttering) it’ll be over sooner.

For the consideration of their parents: Bryn Fischer’s retelling of their time traveling alongside their road bike expedition through Massachusetts and- Dear Lord- a - what does this mean- a… a meat rain? (they sigh, exasperated) Yes, a “meat rain” that they came upon while driving.It seems Mx. Fischer is requesting their parents to pay fully for their next vacation… I’ve said it before, but (sighs) Rich People. Surprisingly, though, this account does seem to have a date written in: July 21, 2001. Regardless of my disbelief in the fact that the previous Archivist finally did something competent, their account begins as such:

[ACCOUNT STARTS]

I used to drive support for my parents’ long distance bike rides. They used to go out for anywhere from 90 to 200 miles a day with only a few stops in small towns where they could meet me at the car and grab new waters before heading right back out. They’re big bike geeks and I was the one person they’d always had at their disposal for the longer trips. Once I turned sixteen and properly had a driver’s license, it seemed to occur to them that they didn’t really have to ask their other long-distance riding friends to drive alongside them. Instead, they turned to me to make sure they were safe and sound on their excursions. Which was honestly fine for a while! I mean, when I’d first gotten the freedom of driving, it felt like such a treat to go on these trips and be able to just drive for hours and hours with someone else paying for my gas. And beyond that, it was nice to see everything out on the roads. I always found something good on those days where my parents were tirelessly trekking across the state highways. I loved seeing things I’d never seen before, whether it was the weird trinkets at rest stops or patches of snow hiding under dense forests I’d never seen before. I loved the exploring of it, but if I’m being honest, the thing that really amazed me was my parents. The dedication it took to willingly submit yourself to that much physical exertion with nothing but the few waters they could carry on their bikes between our meeting spots… Well it wasn’t something they’d passed down to me, that’s for sure.

[beat]

But, that’s all to say that after a while of driving for them, it eventually lost its charm. They eventually found a route they loved above all others and decided that they were going to make it their annual ride. As I’m sure you can tell, the whole “seeing new places and exploring” thing went away pretty quickly a few trips in. I was a stupid teenager, you know, and started griping about it to them two years in when they decided the perfect time for their next ride was over the weekend that my eighteenth birthday fell on.

ARCHIVIST:

Sometimes, Bryn, parents don’t have an ounce of self-awareness, I’ll give you that much, but this is getting past the point of exposition and I’d suggest you get to the point lest you sound like a writer who got to write in more background details than usual because this is a two-part episode.

[ACCOUNT]

After that, well I decided they could get their friends who actually gave a damn to go along with them. And even then, I was going away to college in Boston soon, so they’d have to stop relying on me eventually, so it was as good a time as any.

[beat]

Well, that’s my rambling exposition for you, I suppose.

ARCHIVIST:

Thank God.

[ACCOUNT]

But of course, by my sophomore year in university I was growing away from my parents and our calls had become less frequent. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed them. So when they called me and briefly mentioned they’d tired of their old route and would be taking on a new ride that summer, namely one that would loop right by me in Boston, I jumped at the chance, telling them to please not bother any of their friends with the trouble of driving and to let me come along. They were thrilled, of course. It had been a while since I’d willingly gone with them on their trips and they agreed without a second thought, inviting me to stay at their hotel with them like old times. I’ll spare you the details of the trip as a whole, I suppose. It was 119 miles along Wachusett mountain and there was a lot to look at. I mean I could go on and on about the sights I saw and the nostalgia that bloomed in my chest when I remembered the first few drives I’d taken with them.

ARCHIVIST:

(mocking) Heaven forbid you go on a tangent.

[ACCOUNT]

The important thing is the fact that, although I was so sure I’d checked all the maintenance lights off beforehand, by some twisted turn of fate, the lights on my dashboard flicked off, and stopped functioning altogether. It would have been fine, I mean it was in broad daylight still, but without a working speedometer, I was screwed. Now, my first thought was rage, of course, quickly followed by worry about my parents. I was lucky enough to have broken down where there was still cell service and to have my father pick up when I called, the two of them having momentarily paused to sight see. He assured me that it was okay. They’d be riding through where my car had stopped in about an hour and would be able to refuel their waters and snacks, but that they were going strong and should be fine to continue the ride. He told me just to call Triple A and make sure to get myself back to the hotel we were staying at safely and to leave the waters and things by a tree if by some miracle my car was fixed before they got to me. I tried to stay calm and called for the repair guy, who informed me he wouldn’t be there for about an hour and a half which was… just perfect.

ARCHIVIST:

Now I genuinely cannot tell if this is sarcasm or not as it’s written down so it’s anyone’s guess really.

[ACCOUNT]

I thought for a while and decided it would be fine if I walked around the nearby woods for a little while. Like I said, I really did love the exploring aspects of these trips and I figured that if I would be stuck here for a while, I might as well make the most of it as long as I kept my phone on me and kept track of the time. And honestly? It was some of the best fun I’d had in a while. Staying in the city for college had put my love of nature on hold indefinitely and I was happy to have it, even if for a short time. After a little while of walking around, I found this nice secluded area right on the edge of an open field and took a seat within a bush where the branches grew haphazardly enough that there was a decent sized hollow space for me to rest. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the moment in spite of my circumstances.

[beat]

SFX: Eerie music begins playing.

And… that’s when I heard it. There was this slight whooshing noise followed up by a few wet squelching sounds as whatever seemed to have fallen bounced once or twice along the damp earth.

My eyes snapped open, but as I scanned the forest floor, nothing immediately caught my attention. Everything seemed normal. And then as I was staring open-eyed at the field in front of me, it seemed as though the sky opened up. But… not with rain. Instead of water, there were fleshy colored chunks of all sizes just plummeting down from the sky into the field. They flopped as they hit the ground in a way that was both comical and simultaneously made me afraid I was going to lose the continental breakfast I’d had at the hotel just a few hours earlier. And that’s before I even noticed the smell. In the end, that’s what really made me realize what I was looking at. The smell that permeated the air as the shower continued suddenly clicked in my brain: rotten meat. There was nothing else that could smell so repulsive and sickly as the mass of meat chunks that had begun to collect on the field before me.

[RECORD SCRATCH]

ARCHIVIST:

What.

[beat]

[ANOTHER BEAT]

(they clear their throat) Right.(somewhat shakily) Moving on then.

[ACCOUNT]

By now, I was holding my hands clasped to my mouth, trying not to panic and furthermore hoping that the meat shower would stay central to that one area. Honestly I didn’t know if I would be able to handle any of it coming near me and I was thankful for every second it didn’t. It went on like that for several minutes through which I finally resolved to keep my eyes firmly shut.

[beat]

And then all of a sudden, the wet flopping sound ceased. For a moment, I could almost believe I imagined it, with my eyelids still pressed together. And yet, the smell still hung in the air. I slowly opened my eyes, hoping not to see what I deep down knew I would. What had once been a gorgeous fertile field full of lush grass and the types of wildflowers that would have been classified as weeds by those without any sense-

ARCHIVIST:

You mean botanists who likely have PHD’s? Hmm. I see.

[ACCOUNT]

Well, it had been turned into a literal hellscape. Not only was the meat layered on itself in clumps of already rotting material slowly heating up in the mid-day sun- which yes is as nasty as it sounds- but even the areas where the meat hadn’t settled were covered in that kind of slimy residue that comes off when you pat pre-packaged meats dry before you cook them. Pretty awful in every sense of the word.

[beat]

I sat on the ground for a few more minutes hidden safely within my bush before I realized that it had probably been about forty-five minutes since I called the Triple A man and figured now was a good a time as any to try getting back to my car, especially since I wasn’t keen to get caught up in any second round of meat rain.

SFX: Eerie music starts playing.

Unfortunately for me, the moment I decided this was exactly the moment the man and little girl walked out into the field. They came in from exactly the opposite side from where I was attempting to stand up, so of course they saw the bush shudder even with the cover it gave me. I hoped against everything that they would pass it off as an animal, perhaps drawn towards the display looking for dinner, and it seemed that, even standing up as I was, I was lucky enough to scrape by on that front.

I guess you’ll be wanting a description of them, yeah? The man was a little older, maybe in his late thirties and seemed positively pleased to be walking through the field of gristle and gore. At the very least, his smile beamed as he passed his eyes back and forth across the field. The girl next to him seemed to be so young, a toddler: maybe five at the oldest? I don’t know, I’ve never been good at discerning children’s ages. But young as she was, she didn’t seem put off by the scene around her in the slightest, skipping along next to the man with her hand swinging along in his.

I wish I knew what happened next. You ever have one of those moments where you suddenly realize you’ve been holding your breath? That’s the only thing I can chalk it up to I guess. Maybe it was the terrifying notion of them noticing me any further, a freeze fear response, or just subconsciously trying to keep the smell out of my nostrils, but no matter the reason, I realized I hadn’t taken a breath in far too long a few moments too late and I fell forward into the bush.

[beat]

Loudly. Loud enough that when I came to my senses a second or two later, halfway fallen out of the bush where they could see me clear as day, I could see both of them staring at me with their heads cocked to the side. As frightened as I was, though, I remember clearly that the two of them shared the same calm, kind face, the pleasant demeanor dimmed only by their surroundings. And then, with my head still cloudy, I heard him call out to me.

“Are you alright over there?” And that was the moment I knew that-

[SFX: paper being turned over frantically and then a beat]

ARCHIVIST:

(frustrated) Hm. It seems that the account ends there if I’m not mistaken. Though it seems the story does not. I suppose maybe there’s another sheet around here with the rest of the story, although how I’m going to find it in this mess I can only guess. (muttering) Guess I’ll just have to keep a look out for another paper coated in this grime, which I am now unfortunately being led to believe is meat… juice.

Either way, I’m afraid that with the few details I’ve been given so far I cannot confirm anything about this case one way or another. I would love to dismiss it right off the bat and write off the… grime on this paper as a practical joke, but until further research is done or I get a hold of the rest of this story, I’m afraid I can do no such thing. (a long, drawn out sigh)

[SFX: the listeners become aware of the sound of a camcorder whirring at some point in this closing as Chris approaches]

[As Chris begins, the Archivist yelps in surprise, maybe a little desk clatter]

CHRIS:

Do you think you could do another take real quick? Maybe up the acting a bit during the meat rain, really sell the emotion?

ARCHIVIST:

Bloody hell—who are you?

CHRIS:

Oh, sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you.(then, trying to be cryptic, but she’s too over-the-top for it to be scary) Or did I?

ARCHIVIST:

(confused) You—how long have you been in here?

CHRIS:

Uh. The whole time? I thought you’d say something to me eventually, but you were really lost in the sauce there for a bit.(trying to be funny) Or, lost in the meat juice, I guess. (she giggles at her own joke.)

ARCHIVIST:

Well, my sincerest apologies, but you weren’t supposed to be in here in the first place. Who are you? Is—is that a camera?

CHRIS:

Oh, I’m Christine Lewis, one of the researchers!

[Val tries to speak, but Chris cuts them off.]

CHRIS:

Just Chris is fine. Anyways, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get some footage for my channel.

ARCHIVIST:

(slowly) Your...channel…

CHRIS:

(she hums.) I’m kind of going for like, a Buzzfeed Unsolved type vibe, you know?

ARCHIVIST:

I’m afraid I don’t know what that is.

CHRIS:

Damn. No culture in these archives. Maybe if you stanned Ryan Bergara, this never would have happened.

ARCHIVIST:

Look, Chris, as...flattered...as I am to be the subject of your web series, I don’t appreciate being recorded without my knowledge. At least I have control over when this girl here turns on and off.

CHRIS:

Did you just call the tape recorder a girl…?

ARCHIVIST:

(overlapping) Not the point. Could you please get back to doing your job, and save the videos for when you’re not at work?

CHRIS:

If you insist. It’s gonna be worth it, though. You’ll get a shoutout in my one million subscribers video, just you wait.(mumbles). Just gotta get to ten subscribers first. Maybe if I was more active on Twitter. Say, do you think we could make an account for the [REDACTED] Institute?

ARCHIVIST:

(they are at their limit) Chris?

CHRIS:

Yeah, boss?

ARCHIVIST:

Get back to work before I tell HR to write this up.

CHRIS:

Yeah, yeah, I’m going.

SFX: Chris begins to walk off.

ARCHIVIST:

(they huff a sigh.) End recording.

Recorder clicks off.

CREDITS:

Incident Report Number 31 is a podcast made by Three-Eyed Frog Presents. This episode, “Gather raw meat of any kind, red preferred, human is fine,” was written, directed, and produced by Val West and Luka Miller with sound design by Luka Miller. This episode featured Val West as the Archivist and Jesse Smith as Chris Lewis. Music is produced by Luka Miller. To keep up with the show and find transcripts, make sure to follow us on our Twitter at @IR31Pod and on tumblr at @IncidentReport31. To contact us with any questions or concerns, feel free to email us at [email protected]. Thanks for listening.

Ian and Monica vs. Yevgeny and Svetlana

That’s right. I’m going to do a meta post. Because this fantastic gifset from @sickness-health-all-that-shit got me thinking about something from a different angle. I’m not sure if this has been noted in the fandom before since I’m still relatively new compared to the Shameless veterans, so sorry in advance if this has been talked about to death. 

From the time Ian returns in season four through the last occasion when we see him with Yevgeny in season six, it’s pretty clear that he loves that kid almost as much as Svetlana does and far more than Mickey seems to. Obviously, Mickey has a lot of justifiable reasons for not feeling particularly paternal towards Yevgeny that I won’t get into here, and we do see a bit of a shift in the police station on that front for the first time. However, the fact of the matter is that Ian is more of a father to Yevgeny than Mickey--even Svetlana mentions his help when she’s talking to Kev. In my meta-viewing rounds, I’ve seen a lot about how Yevgeny’s relation to Mickey and Ian being just a genuinely kind, compassionate person play a huge role here. I agree. There is, however, an enormous parallel with his own upbringing that I want to explore at length, and since writing is kind of my medium, I figured I’d do it here. (Again, if this has been talked about before, please continue scrolling and have a wonderful day! :D )

Ian has mommy issues. 

Ian also has daddy issues. 

There. I said it. 

All the Gallagher kids have issues with Frank and Monica, and we see them “act out” throughout the series in ways that would indicate that they suffer from a level of trauma strongly associated with their parents. For now, let’s focus on Ian’s since he’s who this post is ultimately about. 

Frank:

Unlike the rest of the Gallagher siblings, we don’t really see much happening directly between Frank and Ian without the rest of the family involved in the first four seasons prior to Ian meeting Yevgeny. To my knowledge, all they really have is a brief deleted scene conversation and Frank offering “advice” when Ian is trying to warn him that Mickey is upset. Their other interactions tend to be more negative, with Frank beating on Ian or Ian joining the rest of his siblings in getting Frank out of the house. At the end of the first season, he even finds out that Frank isn’t actually his biological father. His speech to Lip and behavior for the rest of the series seem to indicate that it doesn’t matter to him and he still considers Frank his father regardless, but that was a heck of a smack to the face when he was already growing up with Frank’s special brand of manipulation and neglect. 

So, where does that lead him? Places where a child his age shouldn’t have been. Interacting with much older men who preyed on him rather than trying to find him help or just staying away. They had an aura of stability that we have seen time and again is what Ian craves, through ROTC and West Point and these relationships with people who seemingly have their shit together. (In reality, we all know it’s a facade. Kash and Ned absolutely do not have their shit together, and Ian’s demeanor around them visibly shifts when he finally sees that with Kash shooting Mickey and Ned’s family falling apart.) As with Frank, he is willing and able to let them go when he realizes that they are more of the same: another deadbeat. 

Now, let’s table that and come back to it in a moment. 

Monica:

Ian’s relationship with Monica clearly has a greater impact on him throughout the series in more ways than merely their shared bipolar situations. She’s the only biological parent he has, and she’s definitely the only parent that has shown him any real affection from what we’ve seen. (Until the wedding. I’ll give Frank a few karma points for not causing trouble and being happy for Ian.) Monica loves him--he knows that. Unfortunately, he also knows that that love is not enough to keep her around or make her a better mother to any of her children. If anything, the combination of her affection, his grudging love for her, and her disorder render any efforts she does make counterproductive. For example, Frank has never engaged with Ian’s dreams of becoming a soldier, but when Monica finds out that that is his goal and that he’s upset about not having the grades for West Point, she hauls him right over to the recruitment office. To her, it’s an act of adoration. Everybody else knows it’s insane: Ian was underage and shouldn’t have been anywhere near there. Just like he shouldn’t have been anywhere near clubs, being objectified. Monica wasn’t being malicious. She seriously thought that she was doing what was best for him in her own way. Her own way just happened to be really messed up. To a large extent, it seems like Ian recognizes this fairly early on until he gets sick and doesn’t know who to turn to.

Rather than write her off the way he does Frank, however, Ian stays in touch with her behind his siblings’ backs. He knows she isn’t a good influence and that they would be appalled if he told them that they still talk. But he cares. She’s important to him. Fiona is fantastic, but she’s his sister. This is his mother, who obviously loves him even at her worst. He can’t let that go. He has to cling to that one parent in the same way that the others cling to Frank at various points in the earlier seasons before he burns their final bridges at one moment or another. 

Character Foils: Yevgeny, Svetlana, and Mickey

I think Ian’s relationship with his parents is a huge reason for why Ian behaves the way he does with Yevgeny in part based on the timing. It doesn’t begin when he moves into the Milkovich house. It doesn’t start with the obligation if he is going to live with Mickey since Svetlana isn’t going anywhere. Even though his discomfort over Mickey going to the baptism surfaces afterward, Ian starts actively trying to take care of Yevgeny the same day he sees that baby. Why bother? He hasn’t shown any concern for Svetlana before. He even sarcastically congratulated Mickey when they found out she was in labor without actually pushing for either of them to be there. Why does he decide at that moment to get involved, knowing that Mickey wouldn’t be happy about it and that Svetlana wouldn’t accept the charity from him, of all people? 

Well, because it’s a painfully similar situation to what he’s accustomed to, isn’t it? 

Mickey left home, just like Frank. (I’m not saying he didn’t have a good reason: he had a lot of trauma to endure that Frank didn’t. Frank not wanting kids has nothing on what Mickey went through to wind up here.) He didn’t want a baby. He didn’t want to be a father. He is just chilling at the Gallaghers’ house, both of them pretending that things are the way they used to be because the changes aren’t right in front of their faces anymore. When Svetlana walks through the front door looking for him not because they’re married, but because of the baby? When Mickey doesn’t care? Regardless of the reasons, that has to look familiar to Ian in practice. 

Svetlana gives a shit. She’s willing to threaten Mickey with something that could end his life (if Terry were so inclined) if he doesn’t step up to support their child. Again, she’s not asking him at that point to be a husband. She doesn’t ask him to move back in, and when she does later, there’s no reason to believe that Ian knows about it since he wasn’t there. For her, it comes down to love for her child as far as Ian is concerned. She’s got problems--there’s no denying that. But she loves her kid more than anything. She comes to find Mickey for the first time looking frazzled because their kid needs things. When Ian needed to feel better about Mickey going to juvie, Monica was there. When Ian needed to be comforted about his future, Monica was there. By that point, Monica was even there for him when he went into a severe manic episode, ran away from the army, got kicked out of Ned’s condo, and had nowhere else to go. She didn’t stick around, as Monica’s MO tends to dictate, but she was there when he was in need and was gone when he reached a state of what she would define as stability. (We know he wasn’t stable. Dear heavens, he was so not stable.)

It’s not Yevgeny’s fault that his parents are kind of a shitshow (courtesy of Terry, of course), just like it wasn’t Ian’s fault that Frank and Monica were the same. Yevgeny was born into an awful situation he can’t control. Ian must understand that better than almost anybody. By this time, his older siblings have found a sense of control over their lives while Ian’s whole world is bouncing up and down around him, spinning too fast for him to keep up. 

Ian has something that Yevgeny doesn’t: experience. This kid is just getting started, but Ian has already been there. He’s grown up with a dad that doesn’t want him and a mother who loves him, although his own mother didn’t stick around the way Svetlana did. Then again, Ian barely knew Svetlana beyond her occupation, so for all he knew, even that wouldn’t last. Maybe she would go the same way as Monica. 

Nobody would have wanted that for Ian, and it only makes sense that he wouldn’t want it for Yevgeny.

So, he steps up right away. He doesn’t have time to go through the mental process of coming to terms with the fact that this is Mickey’s kid and how he’s going to need stability. That much is obvious when he questions why Mickey is going to the baptism only to be told, “He’s my son, man.” It clearly hadn’t registered for him entirely, they’d been so encapsulated in the bubble they’d built for themselves when Ian came home. 

Tl;dr - That gut-instinct to act? That immediate response to seeing--not hearing--that Yevgeny needed things that parents were supposed to provide for their children? Ian is such a kind-hearted person that I don’t put it past him for an instant to do what he could, but I think his own upbringing played a large role in the decision. He wasn’t looking for praise or to get Svetlana off of Mickey’s back. He saw a newborn baby who was in danger of growing up with a father who didn’t want him and a mother who loved him but perhaps not enough to save him someday. 

Just like Ian. 

Hey! How about a male reader scenario where the reader has an intense crush on Sawamura Daichi and finally confesses to him ( after a LOT of struggling) only to find out Daichi was also about to confess to him on the same day. Also i love your effort to make male reader scenarios. It really makes it easy for queer males to also have the same experience as straight female fans. Keep it up!!

Firstof all, thank you for your request! Second of all, duh XD I’m a gayguy myself so ofc I write gay fanfiction! Mymain reason to start this blog was actually my frustration caused bybeing unable to find decent HQ!! reader inserts where the reader islegitimately gender-neutral. Yes, even gender-neutral. There are some nicemale reader inserts out there but they’re few and far between.So I usually end up looking for gender-neutral insterts, headcanons, and scenarios but… Some of them areblatantly meant for female readers. Some of them claim to be gender-neutral but you can clearly see they’re actually not or just employ male and female gender stereotypes I’m definitely not comfortable with. And some ofthem are female reader inserts that are tagged as x male reader… SoI decided to say “fuck it” and create some content myself that myfellow queer readers can actually enjoy! LGBT people are alreadydenied the same experience regarding love and sexuality that straight people get so if I can somehow contribute to making this world ofours a little less fucked up for my fellow queer folks, that’s all I could ever wish for!

Okay, but enough of myinconsistent rambling and let’s get into the actual scenario!Although I probably have a crush on every and each HQ!! character(well, maybe except some of the older guys lol), Daichi is actuallyone of those I’d probably consider the best boyfriend material soI’m really glad you requested a scenario for him! Justfyi, I made the readerKarasuno’s 2ndyear manager so that Ihave something to start from, hopefully you don’t mind. Ireally hope you’ll like it! enjoy!

Also let me apologize that it took me so long to write this but for some reason, I’ve been feeling utterly uninspired lately :/ It took the first episode of S4 and a volleyball match I watched yesterday for me to finally get some inspiration to finish this scenario XD

Pairing: Sawamura Daichi x Male Reader

Word count: 1659

告り告られ — A Double Confession

“Oh come on, just confess tohim!”

“You know I can’t!”

“You can and you will!”Yachi’s eyes bored into you and you turned your gaze away, feelingas though those two goldenorbs were penetrating your very soul. “Why do you have to make itharder than it actually is? You like him, you confess, you gettogether. Simple!”

“Like hell it would go thatsmoothly,” you scoffed. “I don’t even know if he’s gay.”

“Oh come on, have you not seenhow close he is with Sugawara-san?”

“But that’s precisely theproblem!” You looked Yachi in the eye confrontingly. “If he’snot gay, I don’t even have a chance, and even if he is, I stilldon’t have a chance since he’s probably already inlove with Suga-san.”

“…you will confess to himeventually anyways,” Yachi cut the conversation, pouting.

You looked away. You knew she wasright. You were going to confess to him eventually. It’s just… Itwas so fucking hard to work up the courage. You’dhad a crush on Daichi since your first year, since a while afteryou’djoined the volleyball club.

Atfirst, it was all fun and games. Youjoined the club simply because you liked volleyball but getting towatch pretty boys get all worked up and sweaty while playing was anice bonus for you. Once you realized you liked Daichi, it got evenmore fun… for a while. Howmany people could say they get to see their crash shirtless on adaily basis?

But the longer you watched, thecloser you got to him, the more painful it got. Daichicould look scary at first, especially during practice sessions whenhe had to rein in first and second years, but asalways, appearances couldbe deceptive. Youmanaged to befriend him, also getting closer with Suga and Asahi inthe process, but soon yourealized that being just friends was hardly enough for you. Youstill couldn’t forget that one time when Daichi said you were “likea younger brother to him” and how much it hurt.

“All right!”

What snapped you out of yourcontemplation was Daichi’s voice. Whileyou were bickering with Yachi standing on the side of the court, theboys were actually training. Shimizu was in charge of taking notestoday so you and Yachi didn’t have much to do at the moment.

You turnedyour eyes in the direction Daichi’svoice had come from. Andthere he was, looking asgood as always, with that damn smile of his he always had on his faceafter a good receive, just a few feet away from you.

So close yet so far.

It was the day. It was the dayyou were going to confess to Daichi.

It had been a month since yourargument with Yachi. Over the last 30 daysand even more late-night phone calls with Yachi, you decided toconfess your feelings to Daichi. Even if he didn’t like you back,you wanted him to know what you feel. The days were growing longerand Spring High wasgetting closer and closer. Regardless of whether you won or lost, thethird-years were going to quit the club once the tournament was over.And once that happened,you were bound to grow more distant with Daichi, let alone having achance to confess to him. If you were going to do it, you had to doit now.

The morning sun was shininggently upon you as you walked through the schoolyard withyour heart pounding in your chest andyou still had like half a day to go before the actual confession. Youreally hoped your teachers wouldn’t quiz you today. You’dprobably fail it miserably since you couldn’t focus on anythingelse but the dreadful perspective of what was going to happen thisevening.

Yourplan was simple. You were going to take alittle longer cleaningup after practice so that you end up staying alone in the storageroom. Then, Yachi was going to “notice” that you’re missing andask Daichi to go and look for you because she had “somethingimportant to talk to you about.” If everything went smoothly, youwere going to end up alone with Daichi in the storage room. That wasgoing to be your chance.

When you were going overthe plan in your head walking down the hallway, your phone rang. Youpulled your phone out of your bag to find out you had a new text fromYachi.

“I’m sorry m(_ _)m”

You tilted your head. That wasall she wrote.

“What do you mean?” youtexted back as you entered your classroom.

You spent the first periodstressing over Yachi’s message. Whatever she was sorry about, itwas bound to be nothing good.

Turnedout Yachiwas sick.

Accordingto Yachi herself, he had suddenly felt really unwell last night whichhadturned out to beonly the beginning of a long, feverish night. Whenher mom had taken her to the doctor this morning, she’d beendiagnosed with a bad case of influenza. Shewould probably be staying at home for at least a week.

Yourplan was ruined, which of course made you very upset… but somewheredeep in your heart, you also felt kind of relieved that the momentyou were going to confess to Daichi was put off by at least a week,and you hated yourself for it.

Youlet out a deep sigh as you leaned against a mop you held in yourhands. Youended up being the last one left in the gym anyways, no matter yourplan. You’dlied to Shimizu and the guys about needing to clean up the storageroom—you needed some time foryourself.

“Needsome help?”

Youturned your face up to find the source of the voice only to be facesby Daichi leaning against the door frame, looking at you.

You gulped.

You didn’t even need your planto be left alone with Daichi.

If this wasn’t the heavenstelling you it was high time you’d confessed then what was.

“Yeah,actually, I’m really glad you’re here,” you said, lookingstraight at Daichi. “There’s something I need to tell you.” Yougulped. “I like you.”

Youfinally said it.

Daichi stood in front of yousilently, as though processing what you had just said, and you justwaited. You weren’t going anywhere until you got an answer,especially given that Daichi was standing in the doorway, blockingyour way. You had quite a spectacle to watch anyways.

Thefirst few seconds, Daichi’s face just… froze, as he stared at youunblinkingly. Then came a slight blush which gradually turned moreand more red eventually taking on the color of an especially ripebeet. Hecovered hismouth with both of his hands, as though he was in an utter shock.Which he probably was. It took him like half a minute to calm down.Once his blush subsided a little bit, he lowered his hands andfinally let himself blink.

“I… I like you, too,” hesaid quietly, turning his eyes away from you.

“No, I don’t mean it likethat.” You smiled sadly. “I mean it, like, in a romantic way.”

“That’s what I mean, too.”

This time it was you that foundyourself shook to the bone.

“What…wait, what?!”

“I actually came here toconfess to you,” Daichi explained, his blush growing brighteragain. “Shimizu told me you’d said you’d stay in the gym alittle longer and everyone else has already left so I thought it wasmy chance…”

You stared at each otherwordlessly for a few seconds. You were the one to start laughing.

“Whatthe hell is this?! Whathave I even been worried about this past year?!”

“Iknow, right?” Daichi giggled as well. “Wait,you’ve had a crush on me fora yearalready?!”

“Over a year, I’d say,” youresponded. “You?”

“You beat me on that one.”Daichi’s smile was really the most beautiful thing you’d everseen. “I’d say since the previous Spring High? You remember howyou cheered me up after we lost? That’s when I realized.”

“Isee.” You couldn’t stop grinning. “So I guess we’reboyfriends now?”

“I guess so.” Daichi grabbedyour hand and pulled you toward the door. “Let’s go hometogether.

“That’s so amazing!!!!!!I’m so happy for you two!!!!!!!!! And I’m so so sorry I couldn’thelp you today T_T”

You smiled at your phone. Yachiwas really the sweetest.

“If you hadn’t supportedme this whole time, I wouldn’t have confessed to him in the firstplace!”

“Sorry you had to wait.”

You put your phone back into yourpocket as you turned your eyes to Daichi. He had to grab hiss stufffrom the club room and you’d been waiting for him downstairs.

“No problem,” you responded,readjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder. “Shall we gothen?”

“Let’s.”

You walked down the streetleading up to the school. You were talking and laughing, enjoyingeach other’s presence. It was late and there was nobody around.Daichi grabbed your hand and you squeezed it back.

“Hey,” Daichi started, hisvoice sounding a little anxious. “Don’t you wanna come over? Myparents are at home but I’m sure my mom will be happy to have youover for dinner. We could watch some movies or something.”

“Sure thing,” you respondedwith a smile. “I’d love that.”

Daichi smiled at you again andyou couldn’t hold yourself back any longer. You leaned in placing agentle kiss on his lips.

A clap of distant thunder rumbled throughthe skies. You couldn’t know that yet but it was just the beginningof a thunderstorm that was going to force you to stay the night atDaichi’s house.

Not that you minded.

SFW Alphabet - Good Omens Crowley x Reader

A/N: So here are my SFW Crowley x Reader Alphabet headcanons! I'll repost it with the tags because I gotta do this bit through HTML and apparently tags don't like that. The Aziraphale ones will be coming shortly. Anyway, enjoy!

Headcanons

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Crowley is affectionate in his own unique way. He’s definitely more on the Act of Service or Physical Affection side of things. In public? PDA all the way, whether its holding hands, arm wrapped around your shoulder, small kisses wherever he knows he can get away with. You aren’t sure if he likes touching you or just wants the world to know that you are his and he is yours or a combination of the two, but its always a constant. As for the acts of service, well, they are often meant well and are thought out, but they don’t always work out the way he wants. You appreciate it either way.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) He’d be a protective friend, I feel. He doesn’t have very many (read: one) people he’d consider friends and none of which are human. He’d be protective of you because, in his eyes, you are fragile, and he doesn’t want to lose you. He’d just like spending time with you doing what interests you, as long as you go drinking afterwards. Most likely met him when you were both out on the town, he would have been drinking and/or tempting and you showed him kindness and snark in a weird mix that he’s never experienced before. It confused him and wanted to know how it worked which eventually lead to your friendship.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Let me be clear, he will never, ever ask for cuddles. You’ve gotta read the room to see if he’s in the mood. First thing in the morning, cuddles are a must, its not even a question. Normally you’d wake up with him pressed up against you, his arms locked tightly around you regardless of what position you end up in. If he just needs affection, he has two ways of getting your attention. Laying next to you as you are fiddling on your laptop or reading a book and slowly but surely, pushing his head into your lap and slowly he turns his body so his back is against your chest and his legs are tangled with yours, making sure to position himself in such a way that you have to throw away whatever you are doing and focus on just cuddling him. Alternatively, he goes into his snake form and slowly slither up until he can coil in the warmth of your lap as you absentmindedly stroke his scales as he naps.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) I don’t think you guys ever really have a talk about settling down or moving in, it just…happens? You end up staying over at his place more and more until you realise that you are paying rent for somewhere you haven’t been to in over a month and just decide to move the few things you had left in and break your lease. Crowley either doesn’t mention it or doesn’t notice. You do most of the cooking because Crowley’s version of cooking is pouring wine into a glass. Cleaning tends to be more of a joint job because Crowley likes a clean and spacious environment, so he doesn’t feel claustrophobia like he does in Hell.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) I have a feeling if it was a short term thing he’d just ghost you and if you ran into him he’d just say something like ‘oh things got busy and yeah I don’t think this is working’ in a kinda jerk way but kinda not? Just blunt because he can’t deal with tears and stuff. If it was long term, something pretty drastic would have to come by in order for him to want to end things (and it’d most likely be for your protection, or if you did something like cheat etc.) but he’d go about it by trying to make you hate him, so you break it off. Chances are, it’d end with a lot of shouting and an argument that was one for the ages.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) With Crowley, marriage really isn’t high on his list, he’d rather spend time with you and enjoy life without having to put it to paper. In his mind, its pointless. He doesn’t need a ceremony to show the world he loves you. If you wanted a wedding though, he’d be down and would participate equally in the prep. The ball would be in your court for how long the engagement goes for, however.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Crowley knows how to read a room. He can tell when all you need is a hug and some kind words. Its not often he will generally be just gentle with you, he just tends to be Crowley. But when it’s needed, he can be.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) He isn’t a massive hugger, he tends to prefer cuddles. You usually have to initiate them and although they are usually brief, they are always warm, tight and full of love for you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) I don’t think he would say the l word that often, it’s just implied through his actions and how devoted he is to you. If he does say it, its in response to you telling him or in retaliation to him or you doing something dangerously stupid (‘You know I love you right?’ ‘What did you do this time?’). On the occasion that it slips out, it’s almost nonchalant, like he doesn’t realise he’s said it. Usually this is when he’s saying bye on the phone, or if he’s in a half-awake state and he’s feeling particularly affectionate.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) It doesn’t take a lot to make him jealous, but it takes a bit to make him act on it. He knows you weren’t going to cheat in anyway, but if there is a guy or gal who won’t let up? He will sashay his way over and make it clear that you are taken, usually with an overly passionate kiss or a bite to the neck that ends with his arms around your waist as he leans in against you, glaring at the creep until they get the point.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) When it’s on the mouth - passionate, it’s very rare that you will get a chaste kiss. Always heated, always having some tongue involvement. Anywhere else, it depends on where you are? In public he may just rest his lips against your neck or press a gentle kiss to the inner part of your wrist, or he may just go full on necking if the mood hits him right. It doesn’t really matter where he kisses you, he just loves the action and the meaning behind it. The only time you get annoyed is when you’re in public and he wants a full make out sesh or the few times that he’s lightly bitten you when you weren’t paying enough attention to him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) He is good with children because children love his honesty and overall aesthetic. I don’t think he’d want a child but if you accidently fell pregnant or adopted a family member’s kid, I think he’d be a very loving and devoted father, he just fears becoming one.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Lazy mornings are the norm. If you have work and try to get out of bed, you better be quick because he will pull you in for ‘5 more minutes’ of snuggling. When you eventually get him to either let you go or get out of bed, he is still very touchy-feely and just wants to be with you. If he needs to rush somewhere, its almost comical to see him try to get into his jeans and run out the door in a hurry. On those rare days where neither of you have somewhere to go, you just lay in bed in each other’s company, talking, making out, only getting out of bed to make a cup of tea then come straight back to bed.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Sometimes you go to Aziraphale’s and have a drink or two, sometimes you stay at home and have a drink or two. To be honest, most of your nights either end up with alcohol, sex or listening to Queen quietly as you both rant about your days or just share things between you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) To begin with? It felt like you were sharing everything and Crowley either wasn’t interested or couldn’t be open with you. Over time, you began to realise that Crowley is usually a very guarded individual, Hell will do that to you. But, as he slowly began to grow more comfortable, he slowly started letting his walls fall and things began to slip. About how and why he Fell, his life before you, what Hell is really like, what he really wanted for humanity, how frustrating he finds Aziraphale’s complete devotion to Heaven but understands it because he was once the same. He finds it easier to talk to you when he’s not facing you, when he’s leaning up against you and you are just spending that time listening and tracing patterns. The true moment you realised he was opening up to you was when you realised he stopped wearing his sunglasses around you when you were home. Crowley is very much an actions speak louder than words type of guy, and when you realised he wasn’t wearing them you knew he fully trusted you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Not very. Don’t get me wrong, he won’t get upset if you forget certain things or if you’ve had a bad day and haven’t been able to be your usual self. But if something is taking too long or if something is bothering him, you’ll soon find out. The only exception is he’s patient with you. If your mental health is playing up? He’s by your side until you can pick yourself back up again. Had a hard day? He will order take out and spend his time listening to you and comforting you through your tears. You keep repeating the same story until you can fully process what’s going on and will accept and take on advice from your friendly neighbourhood demon? I mean, I’m not saying he won’t be frustrated but he’s not gonna curse you out for it.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Crowley will act like he can’t remember thing but in actuality, everything you’ve ever said or mentioned to him he’s remembered and will remember. Will remember birthdays, anniversaries, who you like, who’s giving you bother, what you felt about the dinner you had at that American Bistro in Brighton on the 3rd of October, 2018. He is a demon after all and he knows his time with you is short – so he wants to remember every detail he can about your time together.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) When you decked Gabriel. There are a lot of moments that the both of you shared that are beautiful – most of them quiet and intimate – but there was no doubt that the apocodidnthappen caused a lot of stress on you over the 11 years that you spent trying to stop it and when it finally came to a head and Gabriel and Beelzebub came to Earth to see what stopped their beloved war? It hit the nail on the head for you. Gabriel wasn’t expecting it and Crowley couldn’t have been prouder as you decked the Archangel for ‘all the shit you’ve done to Aziraphale, you sick fuck’.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Incredibly protective. A lot of demonic miracles to make your life go smoother – you were worth the paper work – and touching when in public. Texting when you were apart to make sure you were ok and once even insisted that Aziraphale came in and checked on you when he had to go to Hell and you were sick, home with the flu. Would die and Fall all over again for you and even though it can be frustrating, it’s kind of flattering.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Would definitely put a lot of thought into gifts and anniversaries but dates tend to be pretty relaxed, which suits the both of you perfectly. He, however, wouldn’t buy you something or get you something without knowing 100% that you’d like it. Birthday gifts and anniversaries are often well thought and planned out, and always run perfectly.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) You don’t particularly like it when he shouts at his plants at 3 in the morning because he can’t sleep. You find that, if anything, extremely irritating. The fact that he won’t accept compliments drives you insane, the one time you called something he did ‘kind’, he yelled at you and didn’t speak to you for a week. It was a very awkward week. If there was one thing you could change, it’d definitely be that.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Very.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) I think he’d feel the separation when you weren’t near. He isn’t one to think he needs you to ‘complete’ him per se but definitely feels an ache when you aren’t near him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) When he was evil Mary Poppins, he secretly wanted you to join him and Aziraphale in ‘bringing up the anti-christ right’ plan. You eventually agreed because 11 years apart in such a way was just not an option at that point. You’d only been officially together for three months, but you couldn’t bare the thought of breaking up with him. So, off you went. Aziraphale mentioned to Crowley about the love he felt which made Crowley react in his very Crowley way. Aziraphale, as a result, knew that the two of you were deeply in love with each other before the two of you had acknowledged it to yourself or indeed each other. Aziraphale then spent the next however many years trying to trip either of you up to admit it to each other.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) He also probably wouldn’t like it if their partner just ‘followed the crowd’ or didn’t stick up for themselves or others when things were unfair or discriminatory. Also couldn’t stand it if you were rude to Aziraphale, that’s a nope goodbye and also here have a year’s worth of bad luck!

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) Crowley loves to sleep. He once slept for a century and you didn’t blame him, to be honest. He tends to want to hold something while he sleeps and that ‘something’ generally ends up being you. He also snores but softly. He has a tendency to have nightmares, hence the holding onto something, but if you’re near he claims they tend to settle. Definitely a multi alarm kinda guy. He also slept for a month when you first started seeing each other, didn’t realise, texted you and got confused as to why you were acting short with him. Since then, he makes sure not to go into mini comas.

NSFW Alphabet with Will “Ironhead” Miller

Writer: Jess/Lari

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

For Will, sex is about connection, but the aftercare is about intimacy. Regardless of the type of sex you two had, Will likes to hug and cuddle you afterwards. He keeps you wrapped inside his arms, caressing specific parts of your body - especially the ones he grabbed a lot. He likes to feel your sweaty body against his, the sensation calming him down as you catch your breath and comes down from your high, feeling safe and satisfied next to him.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Will is pretty proud of his chest. Even with the few scars he has, he likes how firm it is - and part of it it’s because you like his chest, to lay down on it, kiss his scars, and stuff. Your love makes Will feel more confident.

On the other hand, Will loves your back. He loves to see you arching your back while he pleasures you, and how sweaty they get as you tire yourself making love to him.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Will is much more about the whole sex - on seeing you whisper his name and be euphoric in pleasure - than the actual orgasm. Of course he likes it, but he rather see you cum first - preferably, more than once. He likes to see you in every step before you cum - how you arch your back when he licks you; how your face get all flushed when your whispering; how you scratch his back mercilessly, and just how beautiful you get when you squeeze your thighs and call his name while you cum. After that, you know he doesn't mind not cumming at all, but you sure as hell ride him until he does, in that beautiful congested face of his, squeezing your legs, looking you straight in the eyes, as always.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Like everything in his life, Will keeps count of how many times he has sex with you. He doesn’t tell you he does that, but it’s not that hard to figure it out. Not only he keeps count of it, he also keeps a top 3 best nights he had with you. His top 3 is is 1) the first time he had sex with you, because it meant a lot to him and God, it was amazing; 2) the sex he had with you after coming back from South America - it was about healing each other’s wounds, caused by how much you missed each other, and also about being there for him after Tom’s death; 3) the time he has sex with you on his truck’s hood, in the middle of an empty road - it was rough and quick, but he came so fast and so hard he swear he would never come down from his high.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Will knows the stuff. Not just because he's been engaged for sometime, but also because he was with a few women in his life before that. He's not the type of person that hooks with someone all the time when he's single, but when he was he liked every person he ever been with - not in a romantic way, of course. Will is the type of man who likes women - no matter how tall, or short, or dark-skinned, or white-skinned, or skin, or with some fat; not that he had been with so many women, though. Will loves women in all their ways and gestures and smiles and textures. He liked to know how women responded to him in bed - how something that was heaven for some ones was hell to others. So yeah, he's not the "I-don't-like-this-or-that" in bed. What gives you pleasure and whatever you want, that's what he's gonna do - but if he wants, he knows exactly how to drive you crazy. 

You are good experienced enough, you believe. You've been in a long term relationship before - although you didn't get engaged like Will. But you also hooked up with some people before and after that, maybe not so much, but enough to know what you like and what a man likes too, learning to respect your own body and will - and some tricks along the way, of course.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Will loves every position as long as he does it with you, but his favorite is you on top of him. He likes to see your reaction, your boobs as you bounce on top of him, and how beautiful you look gasping for air with messy hair all over your sweaty face.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Will can be surprisingly serious at the moment, especially if you're in an intimate kind of sex. He gets his jaw all contracted and his eyes all over you, with that sexy frowned expression that you just love to see. Sometimes, you can see that he's been through a stressing day - when he's kind of agitated, with lots of adrenaline to waste -, and he just wants a rough sex. Not exactly a brutal one, just something fast, without many prelimimaries, to discharge the energies; something that you really understand because sometimes that's all you want too. In some special occasions, when he's hiding some surprise from you - on a Valentine's Day or something -, he gets all goofy in his own way, and the sex that comes after that is a very funny and loving one.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He’s pretty well groomed, although he doesn’t shave it entirely. It bothers him to have long hair down there, so he used to shave it just enough to not bother him. After he met you and started a relationship with you, he never actually talked to you about how you prefers it, but he keeps his maintaining down there so it won’t become a problem.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Will is not the proud type of man. He doesn’t feel bad or any less of a man knowing that he’s romantic as fuck. But it’s not that cliché of giving flowers all the time or anything like this. He’s romantic when he cooks for you whenever he gets home erlier; when he helps you shopping when you don’t want to do it alone; when he’s patient as fuck during your PMS. And also when he fucks you nice and slow, looking you in the eye and making you feel like you’re a goddess. He likes to sense your smell, he’s face in your neck; he likes to squeeze your thighs and he loves it when you’re close to your orgasm. He knows it perfectly, and sometimes he asks you to cum when you’re on top of him, just to watch it completely.

You are in love with every aspect of this man. You know when he wants you because he gets really close to you - in bed or in the sofa - and starts caressing your thigh, real slow, then you just wait to see he starting to squeeze it a little. You already know that, if you look down on him, you will see his stiffness right there, and that’s just when you can’t take it anymore. That’s how he works, most of the time - silent, but with an intense heat that can drag or sanity with it.

You love it when he smiles during sex, and when he kisses you while he’s smiling, all during a delicious rythm down there. You also know when he’s about to cum, and you don’t deny that you love to provoke him a little bit before he does - seeing him with that furrowed brow, the face congested with pleasure, all tense, fingers sunk on your skin; it’s just too good.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He likes to jack off only when he’s away from you. Before he met you, it was an usual thing he used to do maybe three times a week, since he felt lonely sexually. But now that he has you, he doesn’t need to do it  (although when he does, he fantasizes about you) - he much rather have you jerking him off with your soft hands.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

- Hair Pulling: Will likes to pull your hair during sex, and even more to have his hair being pulled. He doesn’t get aggressive while fucking you, but he does like to have a little bit of that type of excitement in bed. It just makes him groan louder when you’re on top of him, riding him, and you pull his hair.

- Voyeurism: He doesn’t like to watch or being watched, but he sure likes the thrill of almost being caught. Will did everything right his whole life, or at least he tried to, so the idea of almost being caught during such an intimate moment, for him, it’s exciting. It makes him hard and even more horny.

- Orgam Denial:  Will likes to tease you in sex and deny your orgasm when you fight over something banal and he “wins”, or when you loose some bet you both did - or even when you win, but gives him a hard time afterwards. So he does his best performance - kisses you all over, touches parts he knows you like, bites you lip and your neck and lots of other tricks that just makes you almost beg to be fucked. And after he does, he let you come real close and then just stop, loving to see how angry and horny you are.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

- The bed you two share

- The couch

- His car

- Basically any wall

- The kitchen counter

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything about you can turn him on, but there are some body parts of you and some contexts that he just can't fight with. Will loves your back, so anything that includes them naked can make him go nuts; but he also likes very much your inner thigh and your ass, these fleshy parts that he finds perfect to squeeze. Will is very visual, but at the same time you know how to play with his imagination, which is something delicious to do. When you wanna get him real crazy, you just have to let him know you are provoking him, that you know you're making him go nuts, and "not" caring about it, sort of speak. Like when you appear in front of him with just one of his big T-shirts, with no underwear, and  crouch down to "get" something, doing something boring right after. When Will knows you're all naked under that one clothe and that you're playing him, it really can get him wild in a delicious way.

Will also likes it when you initiate the sex, when you get all controlling and intense, with urgency to take him down anywhere and ride him until you have no more air in your lungs - just "using" him but at the same time making him feel like his the only man in the world for you, which he is, actually. You don't differ much. You love everything about him, but his chest and his ass are just his best parts for you. When he squeezes you on the wall and kisses you as if he never did before, you just can't even think of resisting - is almost something naturally impossible for you. Or when he gets all bossy. God knows how much you love it. Will knows what to do and he loves to give you pleasure, but he's not always the one who slaps your ass or pulls your hair - except when he's like this. He really can make you beg to be slapped and squeezed if he wants. The idea of hurting you is impossible for him to conceive, so when he's feeling wild - which is not so often exactly because of this -, he uses this power he has on you and makes you really beg, just to be sure you really want it - and, of course, because he just loves to see you like that sometimes.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

It is not common, but Will doesn’t like to do it when he’s angry or when he’s in one of those really bad days. He gets easily stressed then and he just doesn’t feel like doing it. It’s not like when you fight over something “normal” and then fix it with sex - that’s still okay. But when he’s in a bad day - one that he wakes up like that and just feels horrible for some unknown reason -, he’s just trying really hard not to be rude to you, and he thinks that if you start something, it won’t be with a good and genuine desire, it will be with that anger and just the thought of it makes him feel terrible.

You hate to do it if you’re in your period. For you this is something obvious, because you’re all stressed out and horny too, but the blood just turns you off, it’s really uncomfortable. But for Will is not at all and you find it really weird of him - sometimes he even tries to insist a little, just a little, like trying to persuade you to do it in the shower. He really doesn’t care and you have to tell him for the thousandth time that it is just impossible.

 O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Will definitely likes to give oral. Of course he likes recieving too, but for him, giving is the best. He likes to kiss you until you're completely out of your mind, touch you in parts he knows that turns you on, just to go down there and find out you're more wet than ever. And God knows how much he likes to lick you, not only because he like the thing, but also because seeing you arching all your body and squeezing his head sometimes on pleasure means like and orgasm to him. 

But, as said before, that doesn't mean he doesn't like receiving it from you. When you start getting down over his body in bed - or getting down your knees, if you're standing - his heart starts beating faster. Just to see you with that malicious look in your face, grabbing his dick as if is the only thing you want, it just blows his mind. By the time you actually starts doing it, his so horny is like you've done it already. He doesn't pull your head or anything like that, he's just very visual, so he wants to see everything of what you're doing. If he's not, that means he's concentrating not to cum.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends. Usually, Will is about enjoying the sex, so he likes to do it slow and deep, feeling you around him more and more with each thrust until you two are a moaning mess and cum. Some other times, when he’s on a hurry (read below), he likes it fast and rough. These times are all about how you two are horny and can’t keep your hands off each other. The one thing you can be damn well sure is that he’ll do his best to always make you feel him and the other way around. Will is a fan of sex, regardless of how it’s been doing it - since it doesn’t past his limits.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

You really doesn’t know if it’s something weird of you, but both you and Will just love the quickies on his truck. When you did that one time in the middle of the road - rough and wild, you bouncing on his lap, that dry sound of skin hitting each other -, that was one of your best ones, and there are a lot more fucks that truck witnessed. 

You particularly like it when you’re drunk from some party you went to, and you’re both too horny to go nice and slow - one time you almost did it in the elevator, so in a rush to do it you both were. It’s too exciting when you just grin the door kissing each other desperately, hands all over one another, just walking without seeing where you’re going and hopping to find something solid to lean on along the way. The sofa and the kitchen counter have been the two most used places, but in these hot moments any wall can work - or even the floor.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Will loves to experiment new things during sex, as long as they don’t mean any harm to you or to him. He can’t take the thought of hurting you or getting hurt during something that is supposed to be fun.

But he does like to take risks. Will likes the thrill of almost being caught whenever you two has sex in somewhere public (like the time he fucked you in the middle of a road, or when you two almost fucked in an elevator). He rather have sex somewhere safe, but if he’s feeling adventurous and can’t wait to have his way with you, then you sure is down for a crazy ride.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Are you kidding us? Will likes to jog and exercise ever since he was in the US Special Forces (and a little bit before that). This man’s stamina is out of this world. He can go for as many rounds as he wants to - or as you can take it, which is usually two, three if you’re full of energy. But Will, Will is a freaking machine when he wants to. He can go from thrusting hard into you on a random wall, to eating you out on the bed, to have you riding him. He likes to burn energy by making love to you, but of course you gotta want to. He would never force you to do anything, and in the moment you say you’re done, then he’s done too - even if he can go for more rounds.

When it comes to longing, it depends. Will is very disciplined, so he can hold on his orgarm to see you cum first for as long as he wants to. But he thinks you’re super hot and sometimes he just can’t with the sight of you boucing on top of him, moaning his name and claiming you’re close to your orgasm. It’s too much for him, and next thing you know he’s filling you with his own fluid.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Will doesn’t have toys himself, but he doesn’t mind if you do. He much rather use his bare hands to please you, but more often than not you like to play him a show and make him watch as you please yourself with your vibrator, which makes him go crazy. He will then step in and use the vibrator on you, asking you if you rather being fucked by that piece of rubber or by himself. He will tease the hell out of you, and make you cum hard before eating you out.

But besides the vibrator, Will isn’t against toys, he just doesn’t use them that much - but he’s pretty open to do so, if you have any ideas.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

It depends on his mood. If he’s feeling quite playful, he will tease you until you’re begging for him to fuck you. He will touch you in all the right places, kissing and slightly biting your neck and shoulders, making his way down your body with his hands until he’s fingering you and feeling you wet on his fingers.

He also likes when you tease him, slowly dry humping on his lap as he grabs your waist and looks straight to your face, enjoying how you look like you have all under control when the truth is you’re dying to have him inside you. In moments like these, he will just laugh at your actions and all of the above will happen, so he can show you who’s more dependent on each other’s touch.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Will isn’t that loud when it comes to sex. He’s quite a talker, because he likes to say things like “yes, darling” and “cum for me”, among others. But when it comes to moaning, he prefers doing it quietly on your ear, as he knows it will drive you crazy to hear his rough voice moaning just for you. He also groans a lot, trying to control himself when you’re giving him that much pleasure.

You, on the other hand, can’t contain your moans. Will sees them as a sign that he’s doing a good job, so he does his best to make you moan, groan and sometimes even scream as much as he wants to.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

- Will loves morning sex. He loves waking you up with an oral, you all sleepy and soft, and then seeing you go in a calming orgasm in the first hours of the day.

- It’s not very common, since Will always tries to be a better person everyday, but sometimes when he’s too rude to you in a discussion or just upsets you for some reason, he tends to compensate it with something sexual.

- Of course he apologizes first, but sometimes you just have a hard time letting it go and being fine, and that’s when he tries to kiss you gently and be there just for you - with his tongue, fingers and all his soul.

- Contrary to what many people think, Will is not a womanizer and never was. He did sleep women when he was single, but wasn't used to just have sex with them and then never see them again. The first time he ever had sex with someone was with his first girlfriend, when he was in high school. All the teenagers were thinking about sex and stuff, and so was Will, but he never wanted to just fuck someone and brag about that. 

- And there was this girl from some of his classes that he liked a lot. They were kind of friends because Benny and the girl's brother were close to each other at that time, and they helped Will to ask her out - which led them to date. She was the first person he ever loved, and the first woman he slept with. 

- It was a hot summer night, they were listening to some music in her room, and it just happened. It was slow, messy, but very passionate sex. Will never forgets that night, it was pretty special to him.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

12 inches cock. That speaks for itself.

Okay, I’m just kidding. But Will is thick and long, something around 5 or 6 inches. He’s slightly curved and full of veins.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s not like he’s crazy about sex or a nympho, but he likes to have sex quite a lot, maybe three times a week - if you’re up to it, of course. It’s a good way to burn out energy and to be intimate with you. But like I said, he’s not crazy about sex. He could easily go three, maybe four weeks only relying on his bare hands to please himself. There’s more ways to connect to each other too, so it isn’t like sex is the only option.

When you’re on your period, he patiently wait for it to end before he tries anything - even though you two are completely horny and crazy to touch each other. So yeah, he has quite a high sex drive, but nothing out of normal.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If he’s really tired after making you moan like hell, then Will fall asleep pretty fast, having you wrapped inside his big arms and resting your head on his sweaty chest, feeling his compassed breath. In these moments, Will just keep in mind how lucky he is to have someone who he truly loves as he drifts to sleep. Now, if you two had sex in the middle of the afternoon or whatever, you might fall asleep, but Will will stay awake watching you with a cute little grin on his face, trying to catch his breath and come down from his high while feeling satisfied.

Good Omens fanfic - Damage (part 2)

Remember that ‘Gabriel blinds Aziraphale’ thing I wrote? I know I already wrote a second part of it, but this is a chapter 2 of something that will hopefully resemble a coherent(ish) multi-chapter fic.

The escalator that Aziraphale usually used to enter and exit Heaven was not the only way in or out. Although the Archangels that had snatched him had taken him that way and paraded him through the lobby to ensure that he was seen by as many angels as possible, they had chosen to leave by another, much more ancient, means of transportation.

Aziraphale had to admit to being slightly relieved, both that he was to be returned to Earth at all, and that Gabriel had opted not to show off what he had done. Aziraphale didn’t think he could have stood being dragged through Heaven and then London, unable to see where the Archangels were leading him.

There was no sensation of movement, no wind whipping through his hair or whistling in his ears, because there was no air; for a moment, it was gone and he found himself traveling in a vacuum. He, and the Archangels that had accompanied him, were deposited on Earth with a ‘pop’ sound as the air rushed in to fill the vacuum they had brought with them.

Aziraphale flexed both of his hands as he fought the urge to adjust the cuffs of his jacket and smooth down his suit. With an Archangel holding onto each arm it would have been quite impossible, and he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of feeling him struggle against their grip. Especially because if he did, they might simply oblige and let him go. The moment their hands were no longer holding onto his arms, he would no longer know where they were.

There was something particularly disquieting about that idea. Especially in the case of Sandalphon, who had always made him, if it were possible, even more nervous than Gabriel did. Although he decided he may need to reassess that thought now that he knew what Gabriel was capable of.

A further thought occurred. Once the Archangels released their grip on his arms, he would no longer know where anything was. He would be cast adrift in a sea of darkness, and that idea was absolutely terrifying.

He held his eyes closed, as he had since the moment the light of the hellfire had grown too bright for him to stand. He had slammed them shut and turned away as best he could, but it had made no difference. The light had eventually faded to black even while he could still hear the fire burning, leaving nothing but a dull ache in his eyes.

He could open them, but he didn’t. The moment he did, and he found still more darkness on the other side of his eyelids, that was the moment when he would know, with absolute certainty, that what had been done to him was real.

It wasn’t a moment that he wanted the Archangels to witness.

“Okay, all set?” Gabriel asked. His voice sounded cheerful, like a parent dropping off a child at a friend’s house for the night, already anticipating some long overdue alone time, and wanting to ensure that they wouldn’t get a call in the middle of the night telling them the kid had forgotten his toothbrush.

He also sounded very pleased with himself, and Aziraphale tried very hard not to imagine the smug expression on his face, but it was an impossible task. It had, after all, been one of the last things he had seen.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he held himself very still, facing straight ahead in the same way he had in Heaven, not acknowledging their presence, refusing to give them the satisfaction of seeing his fear.

He suspected they could see it regardless.

“I’m going to go ahead and assume the silence means ‘yes’,” Gabriel said. “So, we’re just gonna drop you off here, okay?” He didn’t bother to wait for a reply this time. His hand dropped away, leaving only Sandalphon, holding his other arm. A moment later, taking his cue from Gabriel, he, too, broke contact and disappeared.

They were still there, standing just feet away. Aziraphale was aware of their presences, but beyond that, nothing. He kept his eyes closed, refusing to open them. Not yet. Not while Gabriel was there.

“So, it goes without saying,” Gabriel said, “but I’m going to say it anyway. You’re done, Aziraphale. You’re cut off. I couldn’t get permission to make you Fall, not just yet, but stay out of Heaven anyway. We don’t want you there anymore. And you should watch yourself, because one wrong step and you will find yourself taking a bath in molten sulphur.”

“He can’t,” Sandalphon, interjected.

Aziraphale put effort into keeping his breathing slow and steady, refusing to show any sign of weakness now. He faced forward and kept his expression as blank as he could manage.

“Can’t what?” asked Gabriel, and Aziraphale could hear the irritation at being interrupted in his tone.

“Watch himself. Or anything, actually.”

There was a pause as the comment settled. Aziraphale felt himself flinch, and knew that the Archangels must have seen it. Finally, a burst of laughter from Gabriel broke the silence and the Archangel clasped him so hard and so unexpectedly on the shoulder that Aziraphale stumbled and almost fell backward. “He’s right, you know,” Gabriel told him. “You can’t. Very good, Sandalphon!”

Aziraphale righted himself and resumed his pose, a little more shaken than he had been before. The hand on his shoulder disappeared again.

“Okay, bye,” Gabriel said, and just like that, the two other angelic presences were gone, and he was alone.

Aziraphale didn’t move. Still with eyes closed, he tried to force himself to think. They had returned him to the bookshop, he knew that much. He would recognise the place anywhere. It wasn’t only the distinctive smell of old books, the accumulated dust of two hundred or so years, and the ticking of the old grandfather clock that he had bought not long after he opened of the shop, but also the sense of love that filled every inch of the place. It was unmistakable, and would have been impossible to duplicate.

What he didn’t know was exactly where in the bookshop he might be. Still standing very still, he reached out with one hand, into the darkness before him. He swept it through the air, touching nothing. He tried again, reaching in another direction this time. Again, nothing.

He took a deep breath. He had no excuse to put it off any longer, he needed to try to see. Perhaps the damage wasn’t as bad as Gabriel had planned. Perhaps he would still be able to see something, but there was only one way to find out. He took a moment, steeling himself, then carefully opened his eyes.

Nothing. The same expanse of nothing that he had seen with eyes closed, only it felt so much worse now, so much bigger, more oppressive, more frightening. He felt his eyes — the undamaged human eyes of the body that he was wearing — instinctively straining to see, trying to pick up anything; some hint of light, a shadow, the difference between light and dark. He found nothing at all.

Disorientation hit him hard. He reached out again, panicked hands trying to grab at anything he could find. He turned, and a wave of dizziness struck him. With no point of reference to ground him, he couldn’t make it stop. He took a careful, shuffling step, barely lifting his feet off the ground; the only thing in the shop other than himself that he could locate. His hands flew frantically from left to right, trying to find anything.

As he tried to walk, he realised that he was trembling. His entire body, but his legs in particular, were shaking as though he had been on his feet for weeks. Adrenaline, he supposed, caused by fear and panic. A side effect of inhabiting a human body was that everything he felt, he felt so much more. Sometimes that had been a good thing. Right now, it really, really wasn’t.

Suddenly exhausted, more tired than he remembered ever having been before, he surrendered to the need to sink down to the floor. Somewhere in the shop, somewhere not far away to his left, the telephone started to ring. If he had the mental energy to think, he knew he might have been able to use that in some way, either to work out where he was, or to get somewhere else. But he didn’t, and so he remained where he was, sitting on the floor of the bookshop, surrounded by books that he couldn’t see, and that he would never be able to read again.

Gabriel’s cruel taunt pushed itself unbidden into his mind. “I wonder if you’ll keep the bookshop? Once you can’t read the books will there be any point?” He tried to ignore it, but the Archangel had been right.

He blinked hard, screwing his eyes closed before opening them wide. He repeated the move a few times, blinking almost compulsively, as though if he just kept at it, he could clear his vision and begin to penetrate the darkness. It didn’t work, the world remained completely, utterly, devastatingly, black.

“Oh…” he said to himself. He backed up a little, scooting backward across the floor of the bookshop in what he imagined to be a very undignified way. His back touched a wall behind him, and he relaxed, just a little, finding there was something in his world other than the floor and the ringing of a telephone. He tried reaching out to one side, and his fingers brushed the spines of several books on a shelf. A fresh wave of despair washed over him.

No. He needed to stop. He needed to quell the panic and stop himself before he sank into despair. He was an angel, for Heaven’s sa… he was an angel. He had fought in Heaven’s first great war and prevented a second. He had wielded a flaming sword and guarded the eastern gate of Eden. He had faced things that would have sent most angels screaming back to Heaven. He had stood before Satan himself, and he was not going to be defeated by this.

He was not afraid of the dark.

Only, yes, he realised. He was.

Fallen First, Serpent Second

Fandom: Good Omens

Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley.

[Disclaimer: I am neither claiming to own, or to have invented, any copyrighted characters or concepts in the below works. The work below is purely for entertainment purposes only and receives no profit. Credit is given to their respective owners, with many thanks for the creation of a work that brings so many fans together.]

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Note: I haven’t written in a decade; I am as thankful for GO as I am floored that it’s been so long. I’m back. Feedback welcome.

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No one talks about what happens after major events, usually. Everyone leaves out the clean-up, the put-togethers, the assembly of people crowding around after a big event wondering what’s next?

These things are less exciting, less of a spectacle, and generally much messier, and thus less fun to discuss.

After the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t, Aziraphale without a moped and his companion without his beloved car, both found themselves scrunched in a London bus.

Without much conscious thought, the angel found himself sitting next to the widow, whether out of an age-old habit to take up the least room and not infringe upon others, or rather a desire to see the world mosey along as if it hadn’t just nearly ceased to exist less than an hour ago.

Aziraphale barely thinks to look up, lost in a daze, before he realizes that his companion who had been stead-fastly behind him, and oh, didn’t that seem to be true for more than just the past hour?, was lagging.

Crowley’s gait, always awkwardly shuffing side to side, as if he’d never quite managed to stand right on two legs in these past six-thousand years, and what if he hadn’t? Aziraphale had not really thought to ask; did he perhaps feel comfortable in one form over the other?

Aziraphale found his thoughts were clouded and it was as if they had all been brushed in homemade butter, but someone had forgotten to remove the clotted cream up top and now his thoughts were wandering and floating in chunks because Aziraphale had had Faith, certainly, and Hope, definitely, and a Belief in the Ineffable, always, but…

But he had not realized until now that he didn’t quite expect to live past today.

And yet, here he is.

Here they are, he thinks, looking at this gangly fellow shuffling about hesitatingly, footwork reminiscent of their time in a Germanic church.

It was only by the grace of knowing someone who wore shades as dark as night for the last few millennia, that he recognized the minute tics to Crowley’s brows; eyeing the seat Aziraphale was in, before darting away and skittering towards the empty seats around him.

It was at once, easy to think that, of course they shouldn’t go sitting together so closely on the bus, as what would either side say?, as it was to think it preposterous for Crowley to sit anywhere else.

He was warring with himself, unknowing if either side would seek them out in the next twenty minutes it would take to get where they were going, oh where were they going at any rate, as it was to not care in the slightest so long as Crowley sank into the seat next to him.

Aziraphale barely had thought as much before he found himself looking purposefully at Crowley and slightly tilting his head towards the seat, and he could practically see the slight ease in tension around the other’s jawline as he no doubt quit clenching his teeth.

Aziraphale felt the worn seating dip with the other’s weight next to him as they sat silent, both contemplative before he realized the other had sat, but was no less relaxed.

Crowley’s jawline bowed where the muscle was taught from clenched jaw, lips moderately pursed from the effort, and his body taut as a bow string.

Just as Aziraphale began to speak he noticed Crowley’s hand twitch before slowly reaching towards him.

Giving up the pretense of not looking at him, Aziraphale’s head tilted, looking at the proffered hand, tilted up, its fingers lax despite the tightly coiled body they were attached too, and the head of auburn hair tilted slightly down, as if Crowley couldn’t bare to look at him and had only had the capacity to raise one limb, and he’d chosen to reach out.

He found himself seized at once with the realization, that perhaps it’s all the energy the other did have.

He took in the dried sweat mussed hair, soot covered appearance, and thought of this demon, this Fallen, this man asking for insurance, for help, for companionship and possibly a million other little things by them all throughout the years, and getting turned down each time.

Crowley was full of grandiose gestures; typically complete with wild hand motions, flailing about and somehow managing to land more on the side of endearing and quirky rather than ridiculous and inane; however, it seemed that whatever had been fueling him had slowly been cutting away strings until this was all that was left.

Belatedly Aziraphale thought that he had been given a sword, never scissors, but that didn’t seem to have stopped him from cutting regardless.

He saw the offered hand twitch briefly at his blatant scrutiny before the hand began to close slowly, rotating gently towards Crowley’s thigh, as if for security.

He recalled telling the other that he had gone to fast at one point. Though now Aziraphale could only look back on the last several millennia and reach the conclusion that it had indeed been one long, slow journey to this.

And regardless if either Heaven or Hell’s staff disapproved of them sitting together, nor him offering comfort to a demon, surely it would be crueler to refuse? If anything, this was practically his duty, to help that is.

He had always been good at rationalizing things in their favor previously, and it seemed that nothing should change in that regard.

He reached out, hand reaching around the other’s wrist, wrapping a now clenched hand in his own.

At the same time, he noticed Crowley’s legs stiffen further, his feet inching closer together and back dipping more; effectively causing the other to curl in on himself, barely able to make out the sharp intake of air and the instantaneous creasing to the other’s eyes, obviously clenching behind black shades.

Aziraphale felt a sharp pang as he recalled Crowley’s posture at the revelation that his car was gone and realized he quite disliked seeing his friend in such a state, nor any similar.

His hand tightened further around the long fingers in his grasp, pulling the willing arm closer, and resting his other hand atop the other’s forearm.

“There, there dearest.”

Crowley’s entire body jerked suddenly, and if his arm wasn’t so thoroughly entangled in Aziraphale’s own, he might have jolted it back to himself.

“D -,” Crowley’s body curled more into itself, “don’t. Not - can’t,” he cut himself off, arm attempting to pull from Aziraphale in earnest now, before the angel locked his hold, gently, but firmly tugging the others towards him.

“Hush now, until our stop then.” Aziraphale murmured, feeling the other’s shiver and holding the lanky curled arm with its lankier owner, curled inward as if trying to ball into coils he was not in the proper form for.

Aziraphale was tempted; a feeling he usually laid blame for at Crowley’s feet, but would admit, if only to himself, came from a personal desire to soothe at this point, to pat the other’s head and push the hair matted around his temples into some semblance of its normal style, for comfort of course, before he relegated himself to patting the other’s arm in three quick motions before falling still the remainder of the way.

The bus lurched forward before toddering back at each stop, and so too did their bodies sway with the great vehicle. Finding themselves tilting left or right with its wide turns, until Aziraphale was reminded of a multitude of reasons as to why he was not a fan of public transportation.

Finally, they reached their stop and Crowley was jerkily trying to rise as best he could with one arm held captive, brows and forehead twitching madly, a subtle thing, as Aziraphale could imagine his eyes were clamoring about the bus again, ready for an escape more suited to prey than the predator Crowley had been formed to be.

Aziraphale rose with the other before releasing the arm he’d held and following him out.

Crowley didn’t look back before hurriedly making his way down the street to his house, Aziraphale trailing behind him, albeit somewhat nervously.

Crowley tried the door with his keys approximately three times, each fumbling attempt with a shakiness to the other’s hand that Aziraphale had never associated with the other, before he dropped them resolutely and with a snap of his fingers the doors opened for them.

When he tried to continue forward still without look at him still, Aziraphale reached out for the same hand he’d held not ten minutes prior.

“Crowley…” he stated imploringly, as the other finally turned his hunched form to look at him.

Face tauter than Aziraphale had ever seen, Crowley snapped back at him: “What?! What angel? What do you want now, because I…,” his voice cracked as did his anger and he winced in upset at himself or embarrassment for the situation, Aziraphale wasn’t quite able to discern. And oh, this was worse than the Bentley. 

“Dearest, I’m just trying to catch up.” he states primly, “Come now, what has you in such a state?”

He finds himself leading through the other’s home, although he’d never been given the tour, and finds that they path had led to him naturally dragging the other to a living room lush with plant life and a grandiose couch. Very Crowley, he thinks.

After a minute of both settling on the couch, and Crowley finding a means to sit ramrod straight and yet still seem curled inwards, a far cry from his usual sprawl, and as far away as the couch and Aziraphale grip on his arm would allow, the blonde found himself nudging the other with a squeeze to his newly acquired captive third limb.

Crowley eventually seems to lose whatever resolve he had, heaving a shuddering sigh before practically folding in on himself, head nearly dipping down to his knees, heels tucked nearly under the couch.

“It…Aziraphale,” Crowley trailed off as if unsure of how to begin, because how do you begin to explain to someone thoughts that you can’t even form into coherent thought patterns, much less words? Aziraphale has yet to learn and he’s well aware that of the two, he does more talking. It seems only fair that Crowley is at more of a loss than even he.

His demon forged on, stuttering through his own haze of muddled thoughts, and a seemingly overwhelming sense of displacement, head slowly rising to meet Aziraphale’s face.

“You were - I mean, I had thought - that is,” he swallowed heavily, “youweregoneAziraphale.” He finished in a furious hoarse whisper that seemed to absorb the oxygen around them.

The air was charged in static, as if one of them had frozen time and Aziraphale found his thoughts muddled again, as if trudging through water.

The other’s teeth were grit in such a way that Aziraphale could see the unevenness to them, the one on his bottom right that went awry in it’s build and tilted away from the rest, and if that didn’t endear him more to this man in front of him, Aziraphale would somehow damn himself.

It hit him then.

He recalled the auburn man in all black at the bar drowning himself in bottles, less than hours before the end of the world, but looking as if it has already ended for him. He recalled the look of awe on his fiendish friend’s face at his appearance, blatant even when he was looking through a hazy veil of discorporation. He recalled the way the madmen had driven through fire in a burning car as if driven by a primal force to get somewhere, to himself Aziraphale belatedly realized, and how the demon had immediately shuffled over to help before realizing what had become of his most prized possession and had to have a moment to himself.

“…the friend you’d mentioned.” He stated with a tone of realization. 

Realization that it was him.

He received a suspiciously watery sounding laugh in return.

“Yeah,” he seemed to force out, “friend. You.”

“Oh Crowley.” Aziraphale said with feeling, voice in a tone of wonder as his mind reeled. “You do go fast, don’t you?”

There was a commiserable keen next to him, quickly cut off when Crowley crumpled again, arm going limp in his hold as the other legs curled underneath him.

“I’m sorry A-”

“Hush that, you silly serpent,” he murmured fondly squeezing the hand he held and reaching for the other’s face to tilt it towards him. “You do, you know. Go fast that is. Terribly at odds with my pace.”

Aziraphale found himself brushing his knuckles softly over the jawline he’d been touching, his softer, admittingly rounded white hands brushing achingly gentle over black streaked darkened skin and clenched tight skin.

Perfectly at odds with one another, but in a sense, so perfectly contrasting as well.

“But I supposed you always been slowing your steps for my shorter legs then, haven’t you now? Not quite my fault that this body was built shorter than yours, to be fair.”

Crowley’s brows creased again, head tilting to face his own, and Aziraphale found his hands inching towards those every-present shades pausing only the slighted for the other to give the smallest of nods in acquiesce for their removal and - oh.

Oh.

There was so much warring in that expression, Aziraphale could have written a book over the pages of confusion and uncertainty in those eyes. He found something in himself choke at the look of hope in them because he could feel hope. He was an angel. He should be able to feel that feeling envelope him anytime he was around it, so why -

Once more with feeling:

Oh.

“Crowley.” He stated, stunned.

“Uh …angel?” A wry smile broke out on the face he was cradling, before vanishing as Aziraphale leaned in to rest his forehead on the others, scooting closer so they were both more comfortable with this change.

Crowley’s body language was hesitant, but now that Azirphale bothered to feel him, now that he had opened up a channel he had become so complacent with, that he no longer even noticed, he could…oh he could feel it.

A wash of love he’d not felt since the presence of the Almighty Herself had graced him with Her Light all those years ago.

It was so strong Aziraphale found himself agape at the potency of it, breathe stolen from his pseudo lungs and heart stuttering at the weight of it. The crescendo of its depth, the calamity of its meaning, his soul twisting in a mass of near disbelief and awe at the accompanying emotions of faith, longing, and the piteously small trendle of hope snaking through it all.

He breathed out slowly.

“Oh darling. Your love is so very strong.”

At the word ‘love’ Crowley seemed to flinch in on himself before Aziraphale could see the beginning of tears well in the serpent’s eyes as they fettered shut hard.

“Demon’s don’t feel love angel. Remember?” He croaked out, body shuddering, and not in a moment Aziraphale realized the poor thing was running on empty, as were they both, but that he was fairly certain the other was -

“It’s okay to cry, Crowley.”

Another wet laugh choked out harshly and the other’s head began shaking against Aziraphale’s own.

“Demon’s don’t cry either.”

There was a pause as they both did not mention the wetness pooling around his eyes, and Aziraphale looked at the bloodshot veins making their home in exhausted but otherwise gold eyes.

Aziraphale decided to give in to his earlier urge and grabbed the back of Crowley’s head gently carding his fingers through hair singed from fire and thickened from soot and guiding it to rest against Aziraphale shoulder.

The body in front of him shuddered violently as his other arm reached behind to pull Crowley closer, because he needed it, because he needed it: the both of them. They were alive, and Crowley hadn’t known. There was love, and Aziraphale hadn’t realized.

Crowley was chilled to the touch despite the sky-light above them pooling sunlight onto auburn hair causing it to glint like the fire that had tried to ravage it while ensconced in a car earlier, and Aziraphale wanted to offer warmth, to offer his own love and tugged him closer still. After a scant few minutes he found himself with a lap full of a loose-limbed six-foot and one-inch mess of a man.

“If I recall, you were a Fallen first.”

He continued, maneuvering liquid limbs into an arrangement that, to be fair, did not seem very probable for the other. Legs splayed on either side of Aziraphale, knees folded around his middle, and arms and elbows trapped against the angels’s chest, but seemed to be possible all the same.

“A serpent second,” he added hushedly, feeling this moment as a sacred one and unwilling to break it, speaking despite the wetness he felt seeping through his vest and shirt to his skin, “and it’s a good thing Hell won’t claim you as a demon now, wouldn’t you say?”

Aziraphale tucked Crowley’s head under his own, not giving up having his fingers tangled in the other’s mess of a haircut, while the other firmly grasped at the lithe body in his lap, as if to stop it from quaking.

And together they rocked as if still on the musty London bus, but sat as a mass of tangled limbs atop one another, knowing that the next stop would be theirs as well.

__________________________

((So, this is a super personal thing that relates to my beliefs. So if you don’t wanna read cause you’re not interested, that’s totally cool. This is gonna be OOC and stuff. I just wanna post this here cause I don’t feel that I can openly say this anywhere else just yet. It’s not really safe for me in case bio family sees it. But I’m just... really excited and wanna talk about it. So if you’re interested, read more is below. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom if you want.))

So, anyone who knows me personally in any intimate manner might know that I’ve struggled with my beliefs for a really long time. I was raised super, super Christian, and even though my family was non-denominational, and we didn’t have a lot of religious “rules” like in mainstream Catholicism or anything similar, it was still really oppressive to me. Parts of my mental illnesses were blamed on demons and went untreated, and actually aggravated with the methods used to “help,” namely my OCD. To this day I have ticks that were programmed into my thought patters based in prayers I was taught that became compulsive habits rather than soothing mantras. And since I was very young I’ve been in a really precarious place with my faith.

I wanna say first and foremost, I don’t think Christianity is bad. I DO think the way people carry it out is harmful. But I don’t believe the faith as a whole is bad. I think that any religion practiced by someone for the want of peace and personal fulfillment without harming others is good so long as it makes them happy. I’m only saying that Christianity as I was taught it hurt me, and the people who taught it to me hurt me. And I now have a very uneasy relationship with the faith as a whole.

For probably around ten years or so, I’ve been a very... nihilistic person, not out of choice, but out of a compulsively logical mindset. If I didn’t have proof of it, my brain didn’t wanna believe it. It still doesn’t. I don’t claim to have ever experienced any proof of the supernatural. But I didn’t wanna call myself an atheist. I WANT to believe in something, anything. But any time I try, the logic part of my brain steps in and demands proof. And it’s been slowly killing me for several years, choking off my spirituality and adding to my depression. It didn’t help that, although I was too logical to believe in anything, I still had the fear and guilt that came with believing I was gonna be sent to hell. I had all of the guilt of religion, and none of the personal peace or fulfillment.

I have spent the last few years of my life talking to people of other faiths and lack there ofs-- atheists, agnostics, Lokean, Wiccan, Catholic, Voodoo practitioners, Heathens, Jews, Muslims, Hedonists, Multi-Theists, Hellenists, and a lot more, as well as several variations of Christians. But no matter what I tried, nothing seemed to fit. I couldn’t settle back into Christianity, no matter how much I tried to fit myself into more secular and relaxed sections of the faith, it never felt welcoming or comfortable. I could never get away from the guilt. But I also never felt attached to any other faith I dabbled in, either. Nothing clicked. I felt present and welcomed, but I didn’t feel at home.

I’ve been working in therapy to really explore myself, and doing a lot of self-reflecting. And part of that has been looking back on what I’ve identified with through the years. And something I have always gone back to was Dark Angels and things associated with Death. When I was very little and my Mom would watch Touched by an Angel, I’d ask her about the Angel of Death, and she would explain that he was not a bad person, but that he was someone who would come take us to Heaven when we died. And that stuck with me. I’ve always been drawn to characters who were outcasts, logical thinkers, people who thought of things with raw data and not pre-conceived ideas, and, of course, those associated with Darkness. Duo Maxwell, Treize Khushrenada, Lucemon, Violet Parr, Levi Ackerman, Rorschach, Raven Roth, Laura Kinney, Vaal Hazak, Sephiroth, Howl Jenkins Pendragon, Adrian Tepes, Black Shucks, Damien Bloodmarch... I never could put my finger on what they had in common until now. All of them are outcasts who think differently than society as a whole, many of them with dark or complex morality or emotionally injured themes about them. I have always been drawn to the darkness, even since I was a little kid. And I think, because of the fear I was taught, I denied and lied to myself something that I’m fairly sure I’ve known for years.

After really learning what other beliefs are, that they’re not all goat sacrifice and child rape, and learning the actual principals behind them, I think I might finally be ready to choose a title for myself and my belief set. After years of introspection, and debate, and self-exploration, I, for now, when it is safe to do so, will align myself with  Luciferian Satanism.

I have chosen this faith for many reasons. Lucifer expects nothing from me, not even for me to truly believe in them. Do no harm, and take no shit. This faith allows me to still be a kind human being, but also to not let myself be hurt and abused as I’ve been in the past. It is the first thing to slightly allay my fear of death in years. It recognizes that life is sometimes shit, but that we don’t have to live in existential dread all the time because of it. Sure, this life is piss sometimes-- but what the fuck is sulking about it gonna do? I might not be able to change the world, but I can make a few people feel better for a little while. I don’t need to search for the meaning in life-- it doesn’t matter if life is inherently meaningless, cause I am here, so I’m gonna have fun. And I’m gonna help others have fun, too. I’m gonna be kind to people because it makes me feel better to know I’ve made someone else feel better. Yeah, it’s a selfish motivation, but that’s what all acts are motivated by-- the want to feel better. And that’s very much okay. There’s nothing wrong with helping people because it makes you feel good, knowing that someone else’s day was improved by you. I don’t need an entity threatening me to make me do good things, and I don’t need praise from humans. I can worship myself, I can love and care for myself, and that’s not only okay but expected. Things aren’t good or bad just because society says they are. Things are good or bad because of the effect they put out into the world. It’s okay to be weird as long as you’re not hurting anyone else. I don’t have to always speak as others do or move like they do. It’s okay that I’m on the spectrum. I don’t have to pretend to be normal. Whatever comes for me, I’m gonna embrace it with open arms, and will take control and improve what I can, and ask for help when I need it, because I’m alive and I chose to try and be happy. I don’t need the promise of heaven or any afterlife to make me happy. If one comes, that’s wonderful. I hope I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me.

I’m not going to lie and say Lucemon didn’t have a part in me realizing I’m a Satanist, because they definitely did. I don’t think I would have ever been willing to even truly consider it if not for this angel. But I want to clarify one thing, as some of my friends seem to be a bit confused. I do believe I am kin with Lucemon. I do not believe myself to be kin with Lucifer, Satan, or the Devil. I may have a shard of them in me, but I lay no claim to their power except what I’ve been allotted in this life. I will absolutely claim myself and my power and title as Lucemon, Demon Lord of Pride in the Digital World. But I at no time want to claim to speak for Lucifer or have any right to his power.

On a similar note, I am not in this belief for the power. I don’t expect Satan to bestow me with a silver tongue or armies of demons. I do wish to become stronger in magic and charisma and use of my natural abilities to get what I want, but I intend to work for these things, not have them handed to me. I recognize that I have nothing Lucifer could ever potentially want, except possibly, maybe my understanding. I have nothing I could offer that would be of use to them. So I won’t try to barter for something I know damn well I’m not entitled to. I intend to work, study, practice, listen, and learn to grow my power. Lucifer expects nothing from me, I expect nothing from him. I only wish to devote to them my heart and respect because I feel a kindred spirit within them.

I believe Lucifer to be an enlightener, a symbol of progress, logic, exploration, love of knowledge and acceptance, and seeing things without bias. They may exist as a concept, or as an actual entity, or something in-between, or something totally outside my comprehension. Regardless of the nature of their existence, they bring me peace, and I find speaking of and to them to be soothing and helpful to me. I also do not feel that my devotion to them will interfere with my offerings to other gods. Lucifer is not tyrannical. Lucifer is not Jealous. They want only for me to be kind, and be myself. And that’s all I want.

I’m getting super tired, and I’m really rambling at this point. But I really wanted to state all this somewhere. I’m so grateful to finally begin to have something to take solace in. And I intend to accept this and further growth, regardless of where it takes me, openly and thankfully, as holding back has only hurt me. I intend to further research my stance, and potentially am looking into calling myself a Warlock. I understand that term is typically given to you by others as a derogatory term, and is used for those who have been expelled from their covens. But with that said, I HAVE been ejected from everything I knew before. I’ve thrown much of it out in favor of healthier beliefs and practices, and I seem myself as not fitting in with where I was and as something of an “other.” So I feel this term resonates with me and what I am and want to be.

So, yes. TL;DR: I consider myself a agnostic Luciferian Satanist, and am hoping to study and grow fully into a Warlock. This has given me peace I haven’t had in many years, and I am happier with this than I’ve been with anything else since I was a child.

Thank you all so much for listening to me. I love you.

Finding out MC is a runaway (Eisuke - KBTBB)

Characters: Eisuke Ichinomiya (Kissed by the Baddest Bidder) [for now] Genre: Family, Drama

Kiyuki was happily serving the high profile guests attending this most recent IVC. She had long gotten over the nervousness and timidity that had plagued her for her first few months on the job and had quickly become a favourite among recurring guests with how attentive she was and how she always seemed to know the tiniest details that made their experience at Tres Spades better than anywhere in the world. All was well and good as she worked along with her coworkers, until she saw who Sakiko was giving new champagne to.

Not them. She ducked around a large couple surrounded by young men under the guise of picking up a trash tray, scrambling to get as far away from the impeccably dressed dark haired man and his spit-polished wife.

A guest called out to her, “Waitress, I’d like-”

“Pardon me! Apologies! I’m getting some more right away!” All that was on Kiyuki’s mind was Do not let them see me.

Escaping to the safety of the industrial kitchen, Kiyuki held the now cleared serving tray to her chest and took slow deep breaths. There was no way she was going back out there. These past five years had been challenging, but she wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world. And she would be damned if she let anyone take this new life she had so painstakingly crafted from scraps and ashes away from her.

It didn’t take long for Eisuke to notice Kiyuki’s disappearance. Ever since they’d met on that fateful night his eyes were always following her. She was so intriguing and devoted to her job for someone with the refined presence that she had. He could sense there was something below the surface of that love for domesticated work and service to others. One would almost think she was happy to hold herself back from all she seemed to be naturally capable of.

Tonight’s auction was running smoothly as any other so he left his seat - but of course not before he could be jabbed at.

“Bored without the pretty lady, Boss?” Baba grinned as Eisuke half-rolled his eyes.

“You don’t need me here,” Eisuke said. “I can attend to other things.”

Ota smirked. “Other things beginning with Kiyuki and ending with Kuroi.”

Eisuke didn’t deign them with a response as he made his way back up to the penthouse lounge. Clicking through the CCTV feeds, it didn’t take too long to spot Kiyuki hiding in kitchen, washing dishes of all things. What was wrong with this woman? If she didn’t want to work the floor she could’ve just come back to the penthouse. He paged her, unable to help the inner quirk of the corner of his mouth as he watched her jump on the screen, hastily drying her hands to reach in her pocket although they both knew he was the only one who could contact her that way. He sat back as she disappeared from one screen and zipped by a next, out into the hallway, on the elevator, in the penthouse hall. He cut the screens before she got to the lounge door.

“I’m not late this time, I know it!” She huffed as she burst through doors. “What’ll it be, coffee?”

Eisuke looked at her with a minuscule tilt of his head. “Answers.”

She furrowed her brow. “To…?”

“What were you doing just now?”

“...Helping out in the kitchen…”

Eisuke raised an eyebrow. “Are you kitchen staff?”

“No, but…”

“Did they ask for your assistance?”

“They appreciated it…”

“Not what I asked you.” Eisuke sat up. “Did something happen at the IVC?”

“No.” That’s why she went to the kitchen. To make sure it stayed that way.

“So you were avoiding something.”

Kiyuki stiffened.

Eisuke walked up to her, his presence alone forcing her to drop her gaze to the floor. “Look at me.”

Kiyuki looked off to the side and shook her head timidly, knowing he would make her do it regardless of how long he allowed her to stall.

“What are you hiding, Kiyuki?” Eisuke asked from directly above her lowered head. “It’s not like you to run away from your duties like that.”

Kiyuki closed her eyes, willing the unbidden images phasing through her mind to go away. She couldn’t go back to that. They couldn’t find her. She could only imagine what they would do if they found out what she had done with her life. Being connected with someone as elite and powerful as the CEO of the Ichinomiya Group? Those two demons in human flesh would think it was all part of some grand scheme to solidify her place among the elite - to prove that she wasn’t the failure they had been so disappointed to have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars raising.

“Kiyuki-”

“My parents,” she admitted in a rushed squeak of a voice. “My parents are at the party and I didn’t want them to see me so I hid in the kitchen.”

Eisuke furrowed his brows. She’d never mentioned her parents - or any family at all for that matter - in the year that he’d known her as more than one of his many hotel employees. With two fingers on her chin he lifted her face and his eyes demanded further explanation.

Kiyuki knew she couldn’t get out of this without digging a deeper hole for herself, but how could she possibly explain? To say ‘they wouldn’t approve’ would be both the understatement of the millennium and the tip of the iceberg. What would Eisuke say when he found out the truth about her? Surely he would call her foolish, ungrateful at the least, to do what she had done, but at the same time she had learned that it was ok for her to decide what she wanted to do with her life. And what she didn’t want as well.

She opened her mouth, still not looking at him. “I was tired of being a puppet,” she murmured. “I was born into the wrong family so when I got old enough - and rebellious enough, you could say - I ran away and haven’t looked back since.”

Eisuke contemplated what the meaning behind her reluctant eyes and sullen voice could be for half a moment before he straightened and pulled her by the wrist over to the sofa. He sat her down then sat next to her. “I need to know more, Kiyuki.”

She swallowed. “My parents are the Toyamas. You know them, long line of prestigious business moguls descended from an old Japanese royal family. Elite in every sense of the word.”

Eisuke blinked at her. Anyone who was anyone knew the power and influence the Toyama name held in the business world. “You changed your name.”

“I had to. There was no way I could escape them if I didn’t.” She looked at him with helpless eyes. “I was hopeless. All the etiquette training, the world-renowned tutors, economics studies… I couldn’t handle it. I always felt like I didn’t belong. Like I was wearing a mask, a marionette on strings just operating as I was manipulated to. Wake up every day, the fancy dresses and jeweled heels, so much makeup on my face I could never recognize myself in pictures or even in the mirror… everything was so fake. My brother and sister were stellar at everything and belonged. Me? I was always just passing the bar. I couldn’t stand all the eyes on me… judging me for what I couldn’t control down to the powder on my face.” Kiyuki looked down at her hands. “I had no control and no sense of connection to that world. So the night after my twentieth birthday gala… I packed a bag and ran.”

“You just left? And they didn’t look for you?”

“Oh, I’m sure they did. How much of a disgrace and a dishonor is it to the mighty Toyama family name that their youngest child disappeared without a trace?”

“How long after that did you change your name?”

“It took me three years to get it done. My surname was way too much of a hassle to try to live a middle-class life with. Everyone asked if I was related. My mannerisms often gave away my high class upbringing so I lived in shelters for a while to learn to act more common.”

Eisuke simply watched her as she spilled her story, his face giving away none of the numerous thoughts swirling in his head. There was a lot more he would need to know but for now, one thing stood out in his mind. “If they saw you, they would want to take you back.”

Kiyuki let out a dry laugh. “Most of the elite would disown a child like me. But they know that’s what I want so they wouldn’t do it.”

Wow. They truly want to torture her. “Where did you choose your name?”

“I adopted ‘Kuroi’ from a book I read about a boy couldn’t speak. I thought it was appropriate since I considered myself the black sheep of the Toyamas.”

“Do you miss your family?”

“You can’t think of me any less than you already do so I can admit that I don’t,” she sighed. “I always felt like my parents were out of reach and while I was closer to my siblings, we were more like classmates than family.”

There was a long moment of silence with her gaze on her lap and his eyes on her shadowed face. “I won’t make you go back out there,” Eisuke finally said. “But part of taking control of your life is not letting them keep you from what you want to do. You love to serve - which I’m sure would horrify your parents immensely-”

Kiyuki grinned along with Eisuke’s smirk. “My mother would faint on the spot. ‘A Toyama? A lowly waitress?! Good heavens, no!’” She placed her hand on her chest and dramatically fell over onto Eisuke’s shoulder where he looked down at her with the smirk in his eyes. “It’s unheard of.”

With his free arm he turned the security feeds back on. “Show them to me.”

Kiyuki straightened and looked up at him. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing, for the time being. But I need to confirm who we’ll be on the lookout for from now on. No one, not even your own parents, is going to take you from me.”

~*~

Written between April 19th and April 29th 2019 (10 days?!)