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maryhadalittlehobby · 22 days

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Recap of my experiences at the IWTV Premiere April 30, 2024

I found out about if from one of the most unlikiest sources. A person I thought was an even bigger fandom lurker than myself😅 I wasn't even gonna ask but I said fuck it, maybe they know someone who knows someone. And they did but said people were under ndas. Initially said they couldn't say but then last minute said they believe they knew where it was going to be.

I didn't say anything because 1) I didn't want them or their friend to get in trouble by spreading the info. 2) possibly spread misinfomation if that wasn't the place and 3) nobody asked lol

I thought I would just show up and see what I could see. In the past I have done this at a Walking Dead premiere. At that event it turned out that they had a lobby full of props that anyone could enter and take pics of. They even had walkers roaming around. Then the kicker-I got into that TWD premiere TICKETLESS by pure accident! So why not fuck around and find out again.

I put on a "closet cosplay" of Claudia in the upcoming yellow dress using all stuff I already owned and headed out.

I walked up to Mckittrick hotel, asked if there was a standby or waiting list but the person said they didnt know. There was a lot of important looking people surrounded with guards double checking lists and whatnot so I gave up that angle and loitered around with the other 15 or so fans who found the location too hoping to just see a glimpse of our favs.

Didn't have to wait to long as one by one they started showing up. The first one I noticed was Delainey and she slayed in that black sheer number. She was soft-spoken and a little shy but took her time and signed/took pictures with all the people who were there. Not sure if she knew I was cosplaying Claudia but she did compliment my contacts.

I had all my pics on motion video so if I didnt like the actual pic there was a few frames of vid to pick from as well. The actual video is a bonus! Too bad I can only link 1 video here but a lot of vids are on my IG in the highlight. Same name!

Then Sam came. As soon as he exited the car the wind blew his hair back and I lost my train of thought. He is pretty and his eyes are a lighter shade of blue than they look in pics. Also he is blonder! And so slim! The suit they had him in was a fun nod to vintage suits.

He too complimented my contacts! In the vid he is asking me questions about them but as soon as I take the pic another fan was yelling his name and grabbed his attentionl. Not mad lol I probably would have gotten less coherent the more I talked😅

Jacob showed up soon after-all smiles. What a cutey. He was damn near falling in the garbage they had us lowly non invites next to trying to contort this way and that to sign and take pics. Again-so small! And he too complimented my contacts😁 if the suit would have been properly tailored( the pants looked to long!) It would have been slay

Not gonna lie I kinda blacked out after meeting Sam so my memory with jacob is fuzzy.

Assad and Luke arrived together shortly after but got whisked away pretty quickly so I didn't get a pic with them. Eric was the very first to arrive and despite me being there I missed him too.

But I was sooo happy getting the unholy family little else mattered. I contemplated waiting after but I was BUZZING with adrenaline and starving lol. My fandom plug said she did come after and met EVERYONE and their momma. Cast and crew alike and they were still happy to engage even after their long night❤️

Finally Fang Gangers, please do not repost/ reupload/ or screenshot anything of mine as your content. Linking back / sharing is ok.

🖤🧛🏾‍♀️

#iwtv premiere #iwtv cast #amc iwtv s2 premiere #iwtv #sam reid #jacob anderson #delainey hayles

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maplesyrupsainz · 5 months

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Charles gf is so messy. People found her twitter and saw she liked some questionable tweets one was racist and the account was a well known neo Nazi who's account is literally "racial consciousness" and then a bunch of tweets in favour of Macrons law which is a French law which would affect the working class, it's the reason for all the riots a few years back so her being in favour is basically the equivalent of a nepo baby telling people if they don't have money they should just get a job.

When people found her account and spread the tweets she deleted the account. It died down until a few months back and even her fanpages spread the screenshots and said how upset they felt about it and she started to block people who shared the screenshot including fanpages. Spent an entire quali session deleting comments calling her racist under her post, blocked people literally today who posted the tweets on tiktok.

The thing is that she could have denied the tweets and said they were fake or even claimed she misunderstood them/was young (16) and is now more mature and knows that mindset is awful and wrong but instead she doubled down and blocked people which kind of proved they were real. There's also screenshots of Antoine (Charles' photographer) in dms with fans saying she can't be racist because she's Mexican and using the tweets to make her out to be a bad person is stupid. Which apart from being a stupid thing to even acknowledge and argue with fans over it is also him admitting those tweets were 100% real.

She's also a chronic silent sponsor girlie. Basically she promotes brands by being seen wearing their stuff and people will obviously post Charles and she'll be next to him so people will ask about her outfits. She doesn't have to legally say it's a payed ad because the laws don't class goods and engagement as official payments. So she can get away with getting sent clothes in exchange for wearing them as promo without all the hassle. It's just a shady loophole that Kelly used to do and only got called out for after her family made those comments towards Lewis.

She also used to be friends with Charlotte and when people posted about it she blocked Charlotte so all her comments, tags and likes on Charlotte's account vanished. There's also multiple instances of her lurking on gossip pages before she and Charles were official and public where she was reacting and responding to gossip about her by correcting info like nationality, age, birthday etc.

Just a bunch of shady weird shit that put people off from day one. The entire thing is actually so interesting and a huge deep dive. There's so many weird ass coincidences and it really puts Leclerc in this weird light and not in a good way. His company is questionably shady.

posting this for anyone else who didnt know about this!!! so crazy lol it would've been so so easy just to apologise & claim she was uneducated and unaware.. do these ppl not have pr reps or what?? blocking ur own fanpages is crazyyyy behaviour

i suppose rich ppl literally do not care about anything 😳

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ambivartence · 1 year

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✨ content creator year in review ✨

tagged by @alrightyaphroditie ilysm kass <3333333333

1. first creation / most recent creation my first was a hyunjin three-drawing set from the sbs gayo daejeon mirotic cover stage and my last was the bang chan three-drawing set for the stayblr secret santa event which coincidentally were the only three-drawing photosets i've ever done...essentially exactly one year apart

2. one of your favorite creations this black&white painting of dk is literally one of my best ever... as for gifs it's a dead tie between the dreamies hello future and off tbz jacob bc they're both such soft gifsets :')

3. a creation you're really proud of my drawing of jeno from the dream concert + beatbox era hair hehe and for gifs it would be my xiaojun sets (1 & 2) from lee mujin service which i posted some of the coloring for here

4. a creation that took you forever this lonely st han animation i did for ale's bday took a while to draw all the frames (but sooooo worth it ofc 💖🌷) ...and i also tend to put a lot of effort into my 1-gif posts like this the boyz gif (mostly spent cutting colors to get the file size down while keeping so many frames) and this mingyu gif (literally spliced ✂️ images from a screenshot of his photo gallery and turned them into animation frames) and this jeno gif (manually blurred the bg of each frame to fake looking HD bc i didnt have the ts file 😭) and this dojaewoo gif (erased the caption from each frame but if u look closely above their heads u will see the books are shimmering like a mirage bc they ARE a mirage LOL)

5. the creation that received the most notes my lee know as kiki's delivery service fanart & my nyfw jeno for peter do gifset

6. a creation you think deserves more notes ik i draw & gif idols from groups with varying fandom sizes here on kpopblr so i know how to set my expectations haha so instead i'm going to shout out to the creation that definitely has TOO many notes which is this blursed skz maniac hyung line set LOL i see yall skzblr... and i see ALL yalls tags....... 👀

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it i started stanning so many new groups in 2022!!!! the boyz and ab6ix and p1harmony and golden child and ateez and monsta x !!!

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart all my monsta x gifsets i made in may before i became a monbebe and i still remember standing 3 feet from minhyuk actively regretting that i was not a bigger fan of them at the time... only took me like 7 more months.......truly heartbreaking

9. a "simple" creation that you really love my cherry-era donghyun drawing! <;3 and this giant single gif of minhyuk from my footage which is also my lockscreen

10. a creation that was inspired by another one i get into phases of trying specific styles/layouts for my art like my music player series (started with changbin)

11. a favorite creation created by someone else my favorite tag in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12. favorite content creators for the year literally anyone i've reblogged from this year but extra shoutout to all the artists from my *siyuantag and *art tags and everyone tagged below

tagging (totally optional sorry if u've been tagged before lol ik we're already so deep into 2023): @agibbangs @aunty-tiger-potato @avizou @brianbangs @chanstopher @chrstphrbng @coupsnim @dalkyeom @jeongtokkie @junjunies @kdongyoung @kyubinz @nevoono @njaems @potatzu @pvddins-art @quokki @rumue @shnryjn @shorelinnes @sulfurcosmos @wabisaba @wonjinist @wonwooridul @xuseokgyu + anyone who sees this and wants to share their fave creations from 2022^^

#tag game #erm i just tagged the same ppl from my every month of 2022 tag game post lol #so sorry to annoy u again lol

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shadowthehedgehog · 4 months

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what the hell is writscrib what the hell do you mean by fat fetish art drama

I wanna preface this by saying that I dont remember everything that happened exactly and that theres def some informationIm gonna get wrong and also I dont have any evidence like screenshots or anything. All of this info is stuff i vaguely remembered from 2018. so basically

anyways. writscrib was (keyword was) a website thats very similar to pillowfort in a sense that it was supposed to be a superior alternative to tumblr. so like better user experience, better moderation and support, and it also prided itself that it was gonna be harassment free and callout posts werent allowed and at the time a lot of tumblr users bitched and moaned about cancel culture so they were frothing at the mouth about this. It had an indiegogo campaign and it ended up reaching its goal

They did open beta in 2018 and I signed up cause I thought it was gonna be the next big website (it wasnt) and I wanted to steal as many good usernames as I can. The extremely awful thing I remember about opening that damn website is that at the time everyone shared the same feed/dash no matter who you followed. So like for example, you dont follow me but my posts will still show up on your feed and it was the same for everyone.

So like Im on writscrib and im scrolling and someone posted. art they made of a fat person eating a burger and its very obviously drawn in fetishistic manner. And because all the users on that website share the same feed we were all seeing it real time so all of us were making posts like "did anyone else see that fat fetish art or was i imagining it" and the person who drew it who Ill call the Artist started getting extremely defensive about it

So I make a post that was along the lines of "i just opened this website and the first thing i see is fat fetish art lol" and the Artist SAW IT and replied like "its not nice to make fun of peoples art" which like. idk buddy ur putting fetish art that a lot of people didnt wanna see on our feeds but whatever.

I dont reply but someone else does and Ill call this person the Commenter (theyre still on tumblr but i wanna preserve their anonymity) and I guess an argument broke out between them that escalated and the Commenter was being kind of an asshole about it. So the next couple things that happened are kind of fuzzy but I guess the Artist reported him and the Commenter got their account banned. The Commenter kind of complained about it on tumblr and the Creator of writscrib saw because they were going through the writscrib tag and the Creator made it so the Commenter was perma banned for breaking TOS.

This caused more drama because the Creator responded in a really petty and passive aggressive way and a lot of people were like "hey this person got banned from writscrib for talking shit about it on a different website. Thats really fucked up and oppressive moderating" So it started this huge drama and the Creator made a non apology. I should also say that I went thru the Artists blog cause I found it and they did admit that they drew fat fetish art on purpose to start drama and troll people yet no one said anything so hmmm....

A side note but I made a mutual during that time who was a mod of the website and knew the Creator and apparently the Creator was a huge asshole to them. However I have no proof of this so like. Take it with a grain of salt.

Anyways the website ended up crashing and burning and shut down after a few months. lol. lmao even

#carto answers

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lonelyghosts-stuff · 3 years

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Marvel’s What If Episode 7 Reaction

No no this is the opposite of what I wanted. More Loki! Not less!

If they don’t have Thor being an absolute idiot without Loki being his voice of reason I’m gonna be upset

Wait what the hell I saw Seth Green in the opening credits lmao??? Now I’m just thinking about Chris Griffin

DARCY

Wow they got Jane back too

Soooo how do they know about aliens?

“HOLY MOLY” lmao

Hey thor my life isn’t that dull… okay fine that’s a lie

Sooo Thor is a frat boy?

YOOOO I NEED A SCREENSHOT OF THAT ART WITH THOR AND LOKI

ALL OF IT

Soooo in this world, Odin was a good dude and didn’t kidnap Loki and gave him back to Laufey? (Didnt Laufey abandon him tho since he was too small? I guess in this universe they simply… lost their prince? Lmao?)

Thor didn’t have Loki as his voice of reason I called it.

Night night Odin

Lmao Chad Frigga dipping Odin as soon as he’s asleep

I wonder if they got Idris Elba back for Heimdall?

“We are going to the most backward, backwater planet that not even Heimdall pays attention to.” D,: Thor why you gotta do me dirty like that???

Chris Hemsworth is definitely a better voice actor than some others

Oh yo it be Skurge

Darcy into probing huh?

(Romantic Music Playing) lmao

Man I love Darcy

Poor Howard the Duck lmao (oh yea that’s Seth green)

Skrulls huh

Honestly surprised Thor knows all of these planets. Including the grandmaster??? In the sacred timeline he didn’t even know Sakaar existed.

Wait so, are the Asgardians on good terms with Jotunheim then? If so, I wanna see party loki. Or maybe he’s too reserved for that. I wonder how Laufey raised him? IF WE DONT SEE JOTUN LOKI IM GONNA RIOT

Thor destroyed a star. That sounds about right

“Now that was an excellent party. You know, we lost Fandral for three days. Found him in a barn, curled up next to a baby goat. It was classic. Isn’t that right, Fandral?” “I NAMED HIM GARY!” “Yeah, you did.” “YEA GOATS!” Okay. Screw everyone else in the MCU. I love Fandral now. He’s the GOAT, pun intended

Oh not a star, he killed a whole planet.

I thought Asgardians were supposed to be more advanced than earth but making a tablet is so complicated?

Howard and Darcy was not a pair I thought expected

Yo it’s nebula and korg? So where’s Thanos? How is nebula allowed to go partying with Thanos looking for the infinity stones?

Drax too? Isn’t he in prison? And then Valkyrie? Seems like a lot more than just Thor being an only child is different in this universe. Most of these dudes should hypothetically be in prison or on super serious missions. And I just thought, isn’t Howard the duck imprisoned by the Collector? What’s the timeline for this?

DARCY MARRIES HOWARD THE DUCK? GIRL YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM AND HIS CORKSCREW WANG!

Aaaaaand Jane and Thor got magic and science tattoos. Mighty fast character progression.

Oh? Hookups? That took a turn.

Awwwww Fandral snuggling with a bunch of Chinchilla looking animals <3

Unknown caller?

Dammit Rumlow

Rocket???

Acting director??? What happened to Nick???

KORG NO

Damn everyone crashed at Jane’s

I mean, didn’t seem like too much of a threat

PHIL!!!

Lmao the world isn’t gonna be destroyed by parties?

Oh Carol Danvers?

Okay so…. Lemme get this straight..

Loki and an army of aliens attacking the world? Shield: “nah not a threat.” Robot with robot army threatening to destroy the whole planet “nah Carol has better things to do.” A partying dude from space with no ill intent but just doesn’t seem to understand consequences? “CALL CAPTAIN MARVEL WE NEED HER!!!” Yea okay Shield

Thor loves waffles

LOKI

JOTUN LOKI

HES HERE

LOKI!!!

HOLY CRAP HES HUGE

HE HAS ICE HORNS

See everything would be better without Odin’s interference.

(That’s what she said)

YAY THEYRE FRIENDS

“You’re my brother form another mother man.” YOOOOOO

Loki just sang “Brothers foreveeeeerrrrr!” I can’t—

Aaaaaand fart jokes… “did you boom?” “I never boom. I only boom in private.” Dammit marvel I hoped you were better than this.

LOKI MAKE A WISH

White snake? Lmao where did she get that name lol.

What’s wrong with a party tho? Is this really top priority? Yea they destroyed another planet, but you never explained how

Why doesn’t she sound like Brie Larson? She’s still acting for Marvel Studios so it’s interesting they couldn’t get her for it… unless it is her and I just can’t remember how her voice sounds

Was that punch really necessary? Dude wasn’t posing a threat to anyone.

“You know, there’s a Midgardian word for women like you.” THOR NO—

“PARTY POOPER!” Oh thank God

“This ones for fury” but it wasn’t even Thor that hit him? It was korg and on accident! Cmon carol, I had hoped you’d be smarter than this and more reasonable. Not resorting to violence when nothing has even escalated…

Haha hammer to the face

And the back of the head lmao

BAHAHAHAHA HE JUST SMACKED HER INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY

THOR DONT BOOP STONEHENGE

Dammit Thor

Lmao I love that the countries have their names on them.

Okay just stay and fight here away from civilian population

Marvel really giving us what we want with the most powerful characters fighting

Mary Sue Captain Marvel

Her lipstick has stayed perfect somehow

Fighting in a storm eh? Can’t see how this could go wrong

Haha hammer timeout

Lmao I wanna see Frigga put Thor in a timeout

They’re chanting pooper at her. Is this elementary school again?

Bruh I just realized, Thor is supposed to be acting king while Odin is in Odin sleep lmao. I bet Asgard is going to either be in the best peace ever without Thor or utterly destroyed.

Leave south and north Dakota alone lol

Lmao I love Darcy

YAY GARY THE GOAT WAS SAFE

Wow Jane used the L word fast

Kicking Jane out of the helicarrier? Yea smart move kicking off the person who actually knows anything about this albeit she is a little blinded by love

Giant Loki holding a tiny phone

BAHAHAAHAHA “hey earth girl, you haven’t got a friend, have you!” YES LOKI ITS ME. MARRY ME

Stop throwing phones lmao

BRUH HOW IS SURTUR NOT EVIL EITHER? AND STOP FLIRTING WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

NO HE DESTROYED HER ARM LMAO

There goes the power grid

NOT THE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE

Lmao there he goes

WHY DID KORG HAVE A PACIFIER IN HIS MOUTH

Bout time Heimdall popped in

Aaaaaand Jane got abducted by heimdall

Seeing as Heimdall hasn’t said anything, I’m assuming they didn’t get Idris back lol.

How is shield so chill on murdering Thor? Yes he’s destructive but they’re resorting to killing him so fast instead of talking to him! No one has even told him he’s putting the planet at risk! Dudes too dumb to know on his own!

JANE STOP DRINKING

Damn Maria Hill I had higher hopes for you

Lying Thor

Okay so shield trusts Frigga to help, but still irks me that shield was so trigger/nuke happy… seems the opposite of what we’ve seen of them (ugh just gotta ignore it and chock it up to this being an alternate reality)

Ew Drax

Loki calling the other jotuns “ice bros” lmao

It’s also mantis and Yondu!!

wait how did grandmaster just teleport away like the bifrost?

Nice going thor. You big hunky dummy

“MY MOTHER IS COMING.” Good lord is this high school now lmao???

How do they all know Frigga and why are they all afraid?

Damn the bifrost takes a lot longer than I would have expected

No no Thor the tower of pisa is meant to be tilted—oh whatever

Wait, but I don’t see loki helping, is he gonna be up to something last minute to ruin Thor’s cover up lmao?

I don’t believe Frigga would be tricked this easily lmao

Thor you are such a bad liar

Lmao here comes carol

Hahaha how did mjolnir get so trashed

Wow thor is so much taller than Jane

Wow this Jane and Thor seem to have more chemistry than the sacred timeline version ever did

Wait I want resolve for Loki!!

Uh oh

WHAT

ULTRON VISION WITH THE INFINITY STONES?? HOW

No resolution for that??? Well then. Rip this universe too lmao

Damn I wanted more Loki

There better be a Loki centric episode sometime. If they didn’t it’d a huge missed opportunity from marvel

Okay yea looking at the credits, Carol Danvers wasn’t played by Brie Larson but a lady named Alexandra Daniels. Odd they didn’t get Brie Larson.

Probably my favorite episode so far even with how absurd it was. A lot more upbeat than the past few ones with a better resolve to the story imo.

Also, if anyone can provide me of screenshots of Loki from this episode I would be very grateful

#marvel #marvel studios #marvel cinematic universe #marvel what if…?#marvel what if #what if #what if…?#Thor #thor odinson #Frigga #Loki #loki laufeyson #marvel Thor #marvel Loki #captain marvel #carol danvers

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hotchley · 3 years

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I was just going through my screenshots and I found some from a few months ago where ppl were rude and anti hotchniss in the tags of one of my posts and now I’m feeling fucking awful again. Why do people

Like they probably don’t even remember writing that but it’s left such an impression on me?? If you don’t have something nice to say just don’t say it at all 😐 „oh but if you put sth on the internet you have to be prepared for criticism and negativity“ it’s a fucking headcanon you dumbfuck I also don’t go around saying awful things about your ships

Sorry I’m just rly mad rn

Why do I always get the ships that are hated on so much. Clintasha (what my main blog is abt) also gets so much fucking hate everywhere. Tumblr is the only half safe space. They get absolutely bashed on tiktok, on insta you better not mention that you ship them so marvel fans that don’t ship them follow you and don’t think youre weird and a few weeks back someone on twitter said that everyone who ships clintasha has been in a psychiatric facility and deserves to be there and ppl were agreeing with them?? like à la „HAKBDJSBDJDK YOU DIDNT [name]“ „SHAJDJ THEYLL COME FOR YOU HAHAHA“ I just don’t get it. Why try to ruin something that brings joy to others and doesn’t harm anyone? Clintasha personally helped me through a time where my life was absolutely fucking awful. Reading about them helped me cope. I’m so angry

~ 🐝

No I get what you mean though

Also I know that media has an effect on people, but people really do take the ship hate too far like if you don't like a ship, that's fine, but there's no need to post about it. Nobody ever looks at filtered tags and then ignores it unless it's actually triggering. We're all just too curious.

And especially on tumblr, if you don't like a ship, you filter the tag and that's the end of it. I don't particularly care about j/emily (I don't want it to show up in the tag lol) which is why I don't post about it. But I don't take a post about them and make it negative because somebody else likes that and they aren't hurting anyone.

ALSO!! I swear to god, I have NEVER in my life followed a Hotchniss shipper that shit on the other ships?? Everyone is so calm and so chill and just like: you ship what you want and I won't comment, but they get so much stick? I don't even understand??

Like with CM, Hotchniss is not the problem. Nobody ever seems to care when Reid gets infantilised in his relationships with grown men, or when he gets paired with Rossi/Gideon but somebody ships Hotchniss and suddenly they're a bad person??

WAIT CLINTASHA GETS HATED ON?? WHY?? There's nothing inherently problematic about it, is there? Like seriously. It's not an abusive power dynamic or anything like that I'm so confused.

I get what you mean though. Certain ships shouldn't exist, but you don't need to hate on ones that aren't problematic because it's not that big of a deal. People aren't hurting anyone with there preferences so stop acting like they are! That's why the only ship slander accepted on my blog is Rossi/Reid and Gideon/Reid and the obvious ones that aren't actually ships because they're abusive

It's hard, but you can't let the fandom make you hate the media. Read your fics and be happy that you just let other people live <3

#🐝anon #people talk to me #what do i even tag this as

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notyobabygirl · 2 years

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bestie what do i do if my brother and his friends are literally roasting tf out of me?? i got in a fight with my brother and he like sent a ss of my texts into his group chat and he called me an “orange ass” because i self tan, one of his friends said “has she looked in the mirror before she puts on makeup” when he’s seen me ONCE without makeup and it was in a terrible picture of me that brother took lol. idk what else anyone else said, my brother just screenshoted those messages to send to me because we were fighting and he wanted to hurt my feelings. i didn’t even reply to it but i’m just like wtf lol it’s so childish and the things i saw them say did hurt my feelings.

in shit like this, you have to pretend you dont care. when it comes to fighting with your sibling, all they want to do is hurt your feelings. my sisters and i have said the meanest things to each other and its just to make the other feel awful. which is ruthless i know but thats how siblings work. and i realized you have to pretend you dont care. like dont respond, dont acknowledge, have a straight face if they say something to your face. if you show that you dont care then they will give it up. he is being so childish right now and im glad you didnt respond because you would just be fighting fire with fire. also you know its not true so just forget about it as much as you can

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violentviolette · 4 years

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How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

#percieved rejection #npd #bpd #cluster b #actually npd #actually borderline #rejection #insecure attachment #insecure relationships #jack.speaks #anon #sorry this took me so long to answer but i wanted to make sure it made sense and i had a lot to say #clearly lol #long post

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indigopurple · 4 years

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Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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g0dtier · 4 years

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leftist tumblr/twitter really needs to chill with the outrage directed at other leftists and check facts and shit. like take leftist youtubers for example

hbomberguy got a callout posted about him that contained like 3 images of an incomplete chat log which accused him of being a rape apologist and over the years the story just turned into “hbomb is a rapist”

and like the whole story is convoluted as shit because i just went on like an hour long deep dive trying to find all the deleted pics and logs and posts and i did! and what i found was so underwhelming and weird but what it comes down to is this

this person accused a friend of hbomb without proof and conflicting messages of something heinous, 5 years after the fact apparently happened, was met with understanding but questions about clarification or proof which they could have easily given which they said so themselves but actively decided not to, said they “didnt want to blow this wide open” and then posted their callout to every single leftist and gaming subreddit they could find, raged about hbomb not linking to their callout in his apology, and then deleted their tumblr, the callout they wanted people to read so desperately and all the screenshots with it and now the facts (which were barely there) have become so convoluted that a bunch of people think hbomb is actually a rapist or smth

if u are into drama and wanna know other shit heres like, what i put together from all the shit i found

like it starts with skype chat logs in the middle of a conversation, u know a convo has been held about this before but the logs arent there for some reason, K didnt decide to post the first conversation about these accusations for some reason and this is kinda important cause later on K does something else weird with the chat logs

K accused Hbomb’s friend PL of being a rapist and sending them rapey messages 5 years before these call logs

K continued to work with Hbomb knowing PL and Hbomb were friends for 5 years before deciding to accuse out of the blue

without proof because their computer died, even though skype chat logs can easily be recovered even on a new computer and they said they had proof and logs they got from other people about PL’s behavior yet refused to show them to anyone or post them in the callout

chat logs start off with Hbomb asking about the situation but that they dont have to talk if K doesnt want to and K immediately going into a rant about how they rely on Hbomb to not become homeless and how their former rapist now has kids

this is like a really weird thing to start off a convo with. if ur friend is like “hey if you want to, you can talk to me about this rape accusation” and u immediately reply with “lol yea anyway the person who abused me as a child has kids now and no one will believe me when i talk about him and also if you dont believe me and i get shit for this accusation i WILL be homeless” thats like. some heavy emotional manipulation to start off a convo with. anyway the accusation is this

K accuses PL of threatening to rape them 5 years ago, K and PL were wanting to meet up but PL made rapey comments and K, according to the callout post, didnt show for the meeting

Hbomb says he has some trouble with this because he absolutely wants to believe and support K and asks what he can do for them, but also mentions how theyve talked about PL for years and that there never was anything like this mentioned and that this accusation is sort of coming out of the blue. he also mentions, which is kinda important, that K told him after the original meetup was cancelled that they were afraid PL actually cancelled the meetup because he lost interest in K. Which doesnt correlate at all with what K claims and seems like something they should clear up right

anyway hbomb is like completely chill and supportive during this entire conversation and mentions how he feels like garbage over not being able to believe K out of the blue, which is 100% fucking reasonable considering the situation where K actually apparently felt sad about the meetup not continuing, everything being fine for 5 years, and then accusing PL out of the blue without any proof while also prefacing it with a “if u dont believe me i will be homeless”. like thats 100% just a fucking reasonable reaction lmfao.

so u imagine there’s gonna be some clearup about everything being fine for 5 years and what hbomb said about K confiding in him all those years ago that they thought PL cancelled the meeting because they didnt like them, right?

wrong because the next logs are the only chat logs of that conversation where a bunch of K’s reply is completely cut off. Like K decided posting these logs was important but deliberately decided to cut out a bunch of their own reply after being asked in the most non-confrontational way fucking ever for some 100% reasonable clarification on their accusations. like they have multiple screenshots which show the chat continuing exactly from the last screenshot by including the last thing said on the former screenshot but they did decide that the last screenshot should start halfway through their last message to hbomb

K then decides to not go after PL at all but make a huge ass callout about hbomb instead for not believing them. like the callout isnt even “hey PL made rapey comments at me” the callout is “hbomb didnt believe me when i told him this”

after this a couple things happened

K spread the callout everywhere they could because they wanted everyone to know about this and they recieved tons of support

they posted some out of context screenshots of hbomb replying to unknown messages and his replies may or may not be about this incident, no one knows because theyre completely vague without earlier context which again wasnt included

they also posted stuff about his mods defending him when all the mod (singular) in question says is to take up comments about this with hbomb himself bc discussing public callouts and dragging people has been prohibited since way before this thing happened and it makes people uncomfortable to discuss new and vague situations like this in the public server instead of in PMs which is like. logical

then they claim that (again no proof) they heard through the grapevine from someone else that hbomb had been dragging K in voice chat and calling them a crazy bitch or something like that which makes zero fucking sense because boasting in a public voice chat on a server where people are already trying to drag you about how someone who made a callout post is a crazy bitch, with your own voice, which can easily be recorded and is way harder to accuse of being faked is actually a 0 brain cell move and while i dont know hbomb personally i dont think anyone would actually be that fucking stupid

Hbomb wrote an apology and K accused him of copying it from an ask they got about what an apology should be like which is like really fucking weird because nothing in the apology even remotely resembles what they asked for so its like aight

after hbomb was thoroughly dragged through the mud because K spread the callout everywhere they could and got mad at hbomb for not including a link to their callout in his original apology and then, right after the fucking apology and they got all the traction they really tried to get they just...deleted their tumblr and all the archives and screenshots lmfao

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hyunjjins · 6 years

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*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ soft bias tag

i was tagged by @just-oneofthegays

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. WHO IS YOUR BIAS?

i love too many kpop boys but for the sake of this tag i’ll choose felix because im full of uwus on his behalf atm

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. WHAT MADE YOU NOTICE THEM?

his whole ass voice. like im pretty sure there’s a screenshot of a snapchat i sent to eli one of the first times i listened to skz asking about who he is bc of his voice (accompanied by the cliche “it doesnt Fucking match is face” whICH IS TRUE) but also yes im shit at faces so when im getting into a new kpop group theres always one member who i keep asking whO IS THIS even though ive already asked 100 times so yes. voice + face = bias

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM?

wow okay uM i love his dedication. like he can rap in korean? a language he didnt know until joining the group? and he can rap well? and hes getting so good at korean, obviously his members are helping, but everything he does blows me away bc he’s so committed to doing everything he does well and i admire that. (also his freckles and his smile are bonuses but we can talk more about those later)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. WHO WOULD INITIATE SKINSHIP MORE?

him. hands down him. i’m all for physical affection but because most of my friends dont like it i dont usually initiate but i live for that shit. and he is one of the most physical people i have ever seen and i am one touch starved motherfucker so that would work out super well for both of us. except its all strictly platonic because im a huge lesbian and hes gay 4 changbin so it would be more like when @violet-hyunggu and i are in the same room for more than 3 minutes hahA

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. WHO WOULD HOG BLANKETS MORE?

yo idk im not usually one to use that many blankets but i can totally see lix running around with a blanket cloak on even though all he’s wearing is a tank top and shorts and there are sweatpands right over there, jesus, put on some socks you’ll be warmer

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. WHO WOULD BE MORE CLINGY?

have you seen felix? like ever?

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. WHO WOULD SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST?

probably me but only because i have sait it about him before lmAO so it wouldnt be weird for it to just like. slip out. and i tell my friends i love them all the time and i seriously do love him i just feel like he wouldnt say it bc he would be worried he would be crossing some kind of Line in our friendship but then i say it once and hes like “okay time to shower her with Love and Affection”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 8. WHO WOULD BE MORE EASILY FLUSTERED?

i mean idk. im taking this as the two of us being bffs so i dont think there would be much flustering involved. aside from that we’re both panicked gays so we would both be flustered constantly, unrelated to the actions of each other.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. WHAT CUDDLING POSITION WOULD YOU TWO HAVE?

im always a slut for the ol’ “my head on someone elses stomach while they play with my hair” but also just like any way that we could be pressed against each other would be perfect. also im a huge sucker for intertwined legs (even though his are probably a whole six inches longer than mine lol im Small)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. WHICH COLORS REMIND YOU OF THEM AND WHY?

blue but like the bright blue of a summer sky when it’s midday and like 100 degrees and existence is pain but you look up and see the stark contrast of fluffy white clouds and huge blue sky and you’re like, holy shit, the universe is huge and i’m part of it. also i feel like he is the human embodyment of a blue raspberry sno-cone

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 11. WHICH SEASON WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND WITH THEM?

summer but the part of summer that is in september. idk why but thats one of my favorite times of the year and i love being with people at that time. you know like you can still get away with going to the beach if its warm enough but also fairs are starting up and it’s plaid season

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. WHO WOULD BAKE THE COOKIES AND WHO WOULD STEAL THE BATTER?

i would bake because i feel like felix is a disaster in the kitchen and tbh i would make them with the express intention of him eating some of the batter. you know like specifically washing the eggs so he wouldnt get salmonella and making more than i want to have for the cookies so he could have some and we would still have a good amount of cookies

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE BAD PUNS AND HOW WOULD THE OTHER REACT?

i am a pun god and he would smack me every time but it would be Worth It

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. WHO WOULD WANT TO ADOPT 50 DOGS AND CATS?

i have been known to look at google images of kittens and weep so i would want to but not act upon it but he has little to no self control so he would spend hours at the local shelter and send me pictures of every single animal they had and ask if we could have it (fuck now i want to write a felix-works-in-an-animal-shelter au)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD NEARLY BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN TRYING TO MICROWAVE A POP TART AND WHO WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE?

again felix is a disaster in the kitchen because first of all. who microwaves a pop tart they are strictly a toaster food. second of all. i would come to the rescue

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. WHO LIKES TO LEAN OVER TALL RAILINGS AND WHO PULLS THEM BACK?

felix is a huge railing leaner and i have massive amounts of anxiety but i also love a good people watching session so i feel like i would pull him back but then join him at a reasonable angle

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. WHAT WOULD WATCHING A HORROR FILM WITH THEM BE LIKE?

i like to pretend to be touch but i am actually the biggest baby and so is he so watching a horror film would be a disaster. some are okay though and then its fun. but other than that we are strictly a mean girls and lemonade mouth couple

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. WHO WOULD BE THE CHEESY FLIRT AND WHO WOULD BE THE SMOOTH FLIRT?

i feel like i might be the smooth one but hear me out. my logic is that im smooth when its playful and any flirting i would do with him would be playful. he’s just a mess no mater what

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. WHO IS MORE COMPETITIVE?

me, myself, and i. i have found that i dont usually like the concept of competetion (like sports and stuff) but once i get started i am a competetive monster who cannot be stopped

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. WHO WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN CONSTANT REMINDERS? (REMEMBER TO EAT, DON’T FORGET YOUR KEYS, ETC)

him. hes a certified mess and im a mom friend but then when i forget something he makes fun of me for hours lol

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. WHO SENDS MEMES AND WHO SENDS CUTE ‘I MISS YOU’ TEXTS AT 3AM?

we both do. i am the queen of “this made me think of you” *weird ass picture* and once he found out that im a memer he wont stop sending me memes. and im a sucker for when someone waits until youre asleep and then sends a “for when you wake up” message. i send those all the time and i love it

okay so i tag @spear-bean and @notleefelix and anyone else who happens to see this and wants to do it uwu

#this was a lot of fun thanks eli #stray kids #tag #long post

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madokasoratsugu · 3 years

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therefore you and me post-production notes (or: murphy’s law as a project that has been two years in the making)

ive had this idea for ‘therefore you and me’ and Fritz ever since i first played CindPhenon. nothing ever fell into place until i played Evermore though, so here we are!

drafting this project was pretty easy tbh (see: hubris). the parallel imagery and everything about the lyrics was right up my alley aha.

fun thing with the lyrics: TadanoCo uses ‘要る (iru)’ in the line ‘Which do you want (iru)? Or do you want neither (iranai; aka negative form of ‘iru’)?’

‘ 要る ‘ as a verb can mean ‘to be wanted’ or ‘to be needed’.

hence, the line can also be read: ‘Which do you need? Or do you need neither?” or any other variation of the verb’s usage.

it’s halfway through drawing the lineart that murphy’s law began. 1) i drew ~15 panels on the wrong dimensions, and had to redraw them all (lol), re-grey tone (LOL), and re-ink (LOLOL). it was not a fun three days.

then i lost momentum because of lunar new year (happy late lunar new year btw! happy year of the ox :”) )

anyway: the moment i regained momentum for the project again, i hit a roadblock in the form of overconfident, sloppy drafting (see: hubris is my downfall).

because of the lack of clear drafting for certain panels (and changes to previous panels), i had to redraft two different sections of the PV while keeping in mind that there was the bridge still to be drafted. fun !

i decided to simplify the bridge. can you believe it was supposed to be another animation. i can’t. so i scrapped it.

(slight tangent. Evermore’s release honestly cleared up a lot of uncertainty regarding the direction of the PV and whether or not to include Fritz’s mother (who I still fondly call Beatrice). im really happy the PV never came to fruition before Evermore’s release, as im not sure i would have done half as good a job without Evermore’s content.)

back to the hubris of proceeding with a messy draft - there was a lot of push and pull internally for me as to how much i should keep to the original PV and how much i should just put my spin on things. i ended up doing a bit of half-and-half, i think.

but really, it only delayed things as i ended up redrafting and having multiple drafts of certain panels haha//

the last two choruses were honestly my favourite parts to draw. the shift from Varg’s clothes and colours to Fritz, Fritz’s acceptance of Varg and the soft way Varg looks at Fritz (and no one else). there’s something cathartic about acceptance and acknowledgement. i think that’s what i aimed to really capture.

also: in between drawing all the panels, murphy’s law 2) my Evermore itchio game file ? got deleted off my computer ?

it’s a very old, barely functional brick so im lowkey unsurprised but at the same time it was a crazy experience and setback when i needed to reference certain scenes. oh, and Steam decided to not download Evermore too. i still haven’t fixed that one. haha. ha.

i have screenshot posters to thank for uploads of certain CGs, although im still pretty sure its best not to post a ton of those publicly at one shot?

also, i had to scrap the recreation of the famous ‘did you love Varg’ scene because of this aha. looking back now, i think it worked out.

(another tangent: using referencing as an excuse, i actually took the opportunity to replay Fritz’s route for the third time. i ended up checking nothing at all and falling in love with the masquerade scene again.)

up till the very end, im still not sure if everyone got that the line “You are love itself.” was meant to be said by Lucette to Fritz. i colour-coded Lucette with her own unique blue for the PV, which was the same hue as the line. i hope that it got across, aha.

with that said, video production was a whole entanglement in and of itself. i think murphy’s law really took up a hammer and swung hard at this stage.

timing was actual hell. im usually not this bad at it, but this project in particular was tricky bc TadanoCo uses a lot of background beats that aren’t overt, which his PV also matches - i think? or maybe im just not good at recognising beats from lack of video/music production haha//

hence there were certain scenes i was stuck at and kept revising because i wasnt clear where the beat was meant to be, what transitions i should use, and when the transitions should be.

subtitling was actually really fun! until i rendered my first version and realised all the subtitles were completely off and blurry.

turns out my project properties were different from my video properties, hence the off-alignment. huh. didnt know those were Actual Things(tm).

also, quick tip to all vid-making amateurs like me out there: you may have to double the dimensions of the font’s media properties if you dont want them to come out fuzzy. another thing i didnt know lol.

anyway all this lead to: me needing to spend another evening to redo subtitles. haha. it was not a fun two back-to-back 3am nights + extra evening afterward.

in between all this was countless rendering tests to guess-and-check what’s causing numerous errors in the video btw.

and with those rendering tests came: glaring mistakes in the panel art that i only now spotted and had to fix, and refix, and refix again. then reimport into sony vegas, put it into the video, render and double check if it’s alright. rinse and repeat countless times ! haha ! PV making is fun !

i think i nearly redid a certain scene with the exact same panels once. like i said: not a fun two 3am nights.

that said: i dont know how all this technical issues (and more) popped up and were resolved over two 3am nights and one evening. im not about to question it either.

at this point: panel art - fixed ! subtitling all redone ! render works fine, everything checks out.

i make the mistake of uploading it directly to yt instead of leaving it unlisted first.

murphy’s law 3) when im watching the vid on yt, the yellow parts in the second verse were completely unable to be seen.

panic put it on unlisted. people are already watching it and leaving (very sweet) comments. panic delete it.

btw if you’re one of the first three commenters reading this: thank you for the quick response !! it means a lot and made me really flustered in a good way :”))

cue me re-colouring those scenes, redo-ing the section and oops, is that a panel in the masquerade scene where Fritz literally is missing his mask ???

i think i lost my mind entirely at this point. from then on i was fueled by spite to complete this cursed project.

at thereforeFINAL.mp4, (version five of the full PV, version maybe 10-11 of all the rendered videos, including tests) finally. finally it is done.

i upload it.

the end !

(except, not really. because here you are at post-production notes detailing the worst luck i’ve ever had with PV making.

i learnt a lot from this though, and honestly on hindsight i should have learnt all these from my first PV but nothing went wrong at this magnitude so i kinda just...shelved it aha//

but really, im relieved it turned out well, and that i took the time to redo scenes until i was satisfied. for a PV that’s been waiting in the background for two years now, i think this is the least it deserves.

if the comic about Fritz and Varg (which i referenced in one of the last choruses, i wonder if anyone caught that?) was meant to be a love letter to Fritz’s route, i think this PV ought to be a tribute to the character himself.

although - hm, this isn’t quite as good a tribute to Fritz as it is to his route, maybe? i don’t know, haha ! maybe it’s just myself wanting to make excuses to create more for him//

i was thinking of continuing on about the PV and it’s significance to Fritz and Varg, but hm. maybe not on this post. maybe some other one, some other time.

but at it’s core, at it’s simplest, most raw - i think i just wanted to explore what it means to Fritz to ‘want’ and to ‘need’ with this PV.

thank you for watching the PV, and thank you for reading this.

- blu.)

#linear notes #notes #bluh bluh text #long post

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mcjour · 4 years

Text

the other day S reached out of me out of the blue to ask about what happened during the retreat. kinda caught me off guard. also, I remember S was a toxic friend to the point where i knew i had to end it, but I think I blacked out whatever it was that she did due to (other) trauma. i literally don’t remember what she did. So that’s awkward. but we are friendly and have just casual conversations, so i can live with whatever pseudo friendship we have.

and honestly it was a good conversation. i gave her the play by play of what i could remember from each of the days. and she was like wow what a shitshow. but then she disagreed about the last day. long story short, if anyone is reading this without context, the second day we did this shitty ass cross the line activity that was highly triggering and traumatic for everyone, (in what workplace is it appropriate to say cross the line if youve been sexually assaulted and make eye contact with the people across the line and other similar intrusive questions) but especially hard for me given that i have quite a lifetime of trauma and cptsd on top of it. so by the next day, i had totally lost my mind. like full mental breakdown triggered by my ptsd, lost control of my mind and body, felt like i was drowning, having trouble breathing, had weird visions of me cutting myself, etc. So i said listen like i need to go home, i can’t stay here any longer i am very sick, i literally can’t stop crying and i don’t even know what is going on. but they forced me to stay so i sat out of the activity. it was a bad situation because they activity changed to be a conversation about race. i knew i shouldn’t sit out of it as a white person, but like i’m not kidding when i said that i was very sick. they made me make a split second decision when my brain was fried and i chose to sit out, thinking that the last thing that the people of color in the room needed was me uncontrollably sobbing in the corner and taking up space during a very tense conversation (there were other events that led up to this tense atmosphere). i fully intended to try to catch up on what i missed, but also knew it would be no substitution for the real thing.

anyway S was saying that if she was there, she would’ve been upset that i was in the room and i totally got that. if anything, i have been waiting to have that conversation since that day, but my therapist is not quite there to have that conversation, she’s a white lady and while i think she generally is good about social justice issues, she would definitely be like oh no! you’re not racist! kind of a thing. S and I were on the same page, I think. We agreed that i was very triggered in put in a bad position where like no matter what i chose would be a bad choice sort of a thing. it wasn’t anything “new” but it helped clear things up all the same. and maybe she is right, maybe i DID make the wrong choice. But like I said, both choices were bad and i was literally not even in the right mind to make any decision let alone that. S was also saying that she would’ve understood anyway, because this was like a one time situation and she knows i am constantly standing up and speaking up on social justice issues and she would know i was supportive even if i wasn’t in the room.

SO yeah. i left that conversation feeling good. ok not good. but felt like i had some clarity and i thought it was a productive conversation and we both listened to each other even though we were initially kinda disagreeing.

anyway turns out that wasn’t the end of hte conversation. the next morning she was brining up some of the people we both knew and she also mentioned someone had been talking shit about me to her and i was like oh? and she sent me screenshots.

the screenshot looked like it was in june, so it was in response to something else, not specifically my latest expose LOL.

but basically this girl V was like saying that i am biased in my hate against the organization, i can’t separate my feelings from what is actually going on, i was fired because i caused harm to my team and with teachers and never take accountability for my actions.

would love to know how V thinks she knows all this shit..? like where is she getting this info?? her own asshole??? or fed to her from my abusive boss’ friend? like?? what’s happening???

can’t separate my feelings from what’s happening?? ok... so where do you think my feelings are coming from if not from what’s happening....? did i just pull some hate out of my ass? like i don’t just hate shit for no good reason LOL.

yep, i did cause harm to my team and and i took accountability and i actively worked on it and got positive feedback for it. so i’m confused what is happening here. did i right every wrong before i was fired? no. but to say i didnt take accountability is ... wrong.

the thing is just that i don’t just view actions in a vacuum. so there were legitimate things happening that caused me to act the ways that i did. aka my abusive boss fucking with my head. of course i struggled to support my team when my boss made it clear that she would never consider me a part of the team. and i don’t say that to shift the blame from me to her. but you can’t just focus on me and not her role in that?

and it’s wild you say that i caused harm on the team and with teachers? because my boss did all of that and at least ten times worse than i ever did and she didn’t get fired.

ALSO they told me i was getting fired for my mental health issues. which is fucked up. maybe they lied and V is right? i doubt that first of all. but ok, even if they did, they did tell me i was leaving as a compelling personal circumstance, on good terms, would still be eligible for my scholarship. of course i never got that scholarship because they asked for wild fake documents. BUT if i was getting fired for doing such a bad job, wouldn’t they have told me that? or at the very least not told me i was leaving on good terms??? IDK is it legal to lie in an exit meeting?

and also wtf is the harm with teachers???????? i know my boss accused me of shit talking her with the teachers but that simply was not true lol. a lot of teachers actually came up to me on their own accord to shit talk my boss LOL. they decided on their own that she was shitty, they had their own eyes and ears and brains. but even then i would redirect them and tell them to talk to my boss about their problems with her! the only thing i can think of was a situation with the teacher next door.

the teacher next door hated her cy. she liked me better. it was super awkward. she was also really good friends with my teacher. so i was put in a weird uncomfortable position where i liked her (as a friend/ coworker lol) so i felt awkward telling her off especially when there was this power difference of her being a teacher and then with her being friends with my teacher too. like if i told her to fuck off, would i ruin my relationship with my partner teacher? my partner teacher was all i had left because of the way that my abusive boss isolated me from everyone else. i admit that i believed this teacher over the cy and i have since talked to the cy and we both apologized and understood each other’s perspectives so like, as bad as i feel, there’s nothing else to be done, i guess. well, not that i could do anything so long after the fact anyway. and like it wasn’t llike i did absolutely nothing anyway. i kept in contact with my manager about it but like i was already overworked and underpaid and all that and sorry but im getting paid below the poverty line so trying to solve this weird dispute that has nothing to do with me is a bit above my pay grade

but here’s the kciker: this woman was literally a pedophile who was manipulating all of us! like me, my teacher, the cy, even up to the assistant principal! so hello! no wonder i felt so trapped! how the hell was i supposed to outsmart a pedophile at this below entry level job! and i don’t say that to get out of accountability, V. trust me, it eats at me to know that i was blind to a lot of fucked up shit that was happening. but once again, actions don’t happen in a vacuum. this woman was a manipulative mastermind and she used us as her puppets! dude i am 24 years old and this is my first job out of college and how the hell was i supposed to see that coming without any training.

so i would love to know how v came to these shit ass conclusions without ever stepping into my school or into my life or having a single ounce of perspective.

which is so fucking wild to me because these people are working with highly traumatized kids????? so if y’all keep viewing everything through your stupid tunnel vision eyes then you are gonna fuck some kids up the way you fucked me up.

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warmau · 7 years

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hi!!!!! can I please request for a minhyun college au? I am addicted to your writing (･´з`･) thank you in advance xxx

for nu’est ive decided it’d be cool to make them all medical students!! so consider it residency-college!au LOL~

specialty: minhyun is doing his residency in dermatology

is known as the “pretty boy” of the unit and other residents are always joking that patients favor him because,,,,,,,,well one he has gorgeous skin,,,,,,,but everything else about him is literally just as gorgeous

is really sweet and tries his best to be polite,,,,,,even if taking another 10 hour shift is literally going to Kill Him,,,,,minhyun just smiles and is like : ) it’s fine : ) im fine

his superiors like him the most and their favoritism shows because guess who doesn’t get yelled out for taking a five minute snack break? it’s minhyun

but even though he comes off so mannered and mature,,,,,he has a lil nerdy side,,,,,like his phone background is always his cute niece and him but one day someone noticed that his lock screen was literally a screenshot from the transformers movie,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,

everyone keeps asking if he’s dating and minhyun is just like,,,,i,,,,,d,,dating?!?!?!?! and they’re like oh my god you have the face and you’re telling us you haven’t used it yet

and minhyun is like ?!?! i use it everyday to eat, to read - and everyone is like oh jesus no that’s nOT WHat we MEANT

but if anyone as much as dares to try to do ‘corrupt’ minhyun (as dongho affectionately refers to it) minhyun just turns pink and bites his lips and is like i!! don’t know anything about that,,,,,

boy is already in residency and sometimes if a patient get too close he has to excuse himself,,,,,,,soft boy

speaking of dongho and the rest of nu’est they all do residency in the same hospital so every now and then they’ll meet up to eat lunch outside

and everyone swoons because they’re the ~visual residents~ a group of goodlooking guys in white doctors coats,,,,,,what a dREAM

and then dongho gets crumbs all over his scrubs and minhyun is like come here i need to clean it - don’t you dare run from me- come bacK

is really good at his job though, so much so that people are like he doesn’t even need to do residency he knows sO MUCh

graduated at the top of his class in med school, still studies as diligently as before, literally takes notes on e v e r y t h i n g the doctors say

jr jokes that when minhyun opens his own dermatology clinic he should give all of them face lifts but minhyun is like,,,,,,,,im not doing that im doing immunodermatology wanna hear what i learned about leprosy-

jr: i gtg rn i was just trying to make a joke i am so sorry

anyway you also work in the hospital,,,,,but not as a resident or anything you’re actually in the tech department

and you know about minhyun because how can you not,,,,,but also,,,,,,,,he’s called the tech department like a minimum of twenty times a week because for some reason he’s super smart

but takes like ten years to type in a patients chart notes and he’s always getting a bit confused with the hospitals interface

and you,,,,,,,dont mind being the one called to help him i mean like have you /SEEN/ him

just standing beside him is like basking in the sunlights glow and u dont mind. not one bit. tbh u r not gonna like lie when u see a call from the dermatology dept u basically fight people for the phone

buuuuut you also know that it’s a one sided kinda thing,,,because minhyun could have anyone,,,,,,,literally

u can tell from the fact that his lab coats pockets are always full of candy, letters, and more that both patients and staff give him and yeah it makes ur heart sink a bit but like,,,,

whatever the short moment where you get to stand beside him at the desk and tell him (for the 15th time) how to reset the scheduling system works like,,,,,it’s enough

which is why when you get called down again, minhyun voice sounding apologetic over the phone u cheerily tell him it’s no problem - you’ll be right down to see what happened

but since the elevator is taking too long u decide to go down the stairs where,,,,you hear voices echoing as you get closer to the floor ur supposed to meet minhyun on

and???? they sound familiar,,,,,one is obviously dongho’s,,,,,and the other???? minhyun?

and u stop your steps,,,listening to their echoing words

“are you going to ask them? minhyun it’s been two weeks since you decided to say something and you’re still putting it off.”

“,,,,,what if they don’t like me-”

“NO OFFENSE BUT THATS NOT POSSIBLE”

you blink,,,,wondering if you’re hearing another voice,,,,,and it is,,,,this one belongs to another resident. ren

“minhyun, seriously you’re handsome. i dont say that a lot. but ur handsome. very handsome. look at me minhyun does it look like i would lie.”

and finally,,,,the calmest voice of the bunch belong to jr: “you should go for it. i think they like you too.”

and you’re not sure what else they say because the door opens and a couple of nurses rush by you, their footsteps making noise

and in your head you’re wondering,,,,,,who is it that minhyun likes,,,,,,,

but not wanting to get lost in your thoughts you rush down coming out into the dermatology dept and seeing minhyun leaning against the wall near the elevators.

you pat his shoulder,,making him jump a bit and the both of you breaking into blushing apologizes but then he mumbles that he’s pretty sure something is going on with the vital monitor

and you go inside the room to check it out

and as you’re doing your work,,,,you don’t notice minhyun bite his lip,,,,shy eyes trying to avoid your figure in the center of the room

quietly fidgeting with his name tag pinned to his collar

and when you turn, smile on your face “done! it just got unhooked-”

“are you free,,,,,on sunday?”

minhyun’s sudden question catches you off guard and you’re like w-what?? and he’s like,,,,,,,, “i-,,,,i have a shift,,,,but i can- it ends at 8 so i could take u to dinner,,,,,maybe,,,,,-”

minhyun,,,,with all his pretty features and polite personality cannot seem to stutter out a date invitation

but,,,,you also cant believe ur ears???? the person minhyun liked?????was you???

and you’re like “d-don’t you not have many free days? you should rest-”

“it’s ok! i want to,,,,,spend it with you.”

there’s something of a shy smile on his face,,,,but his eyes are nervous and you’re always feeling your palms sweat

because god u really want to say yes,,,,the happiness in your stomach is turning to butterflies,,,,,but you also know that minhyun should rest

so you go “ok,,,,,but how about we do something simple,,,,like watch a movie at my place?”

and minhyun almost turns cherry red at the mention of coming over and he refuses,,,,,saying it’d be un-gentlemen-y of him but ur just like pleassse it’s fine

safe to say you guys do have that date at your place but you purposly pick a boring movie so minhyun falls asleep fifteen minutes in and you let the tired med student sleep soundly on your shoulder as you do your own thing

and ofc when he wakes up minhyun is a mess of “im sorrys” and “im not a creep i promise” but u just laugh and tell him it’s ok,,,,,it was a perfect first date because u were able to see him rest

which honestly just makes minhyun’s heart flutter even more about you,,,,,on the way home he texts ren and is like “i think they’re an angel,,,,,,,”

dating med student!minhyun is slow at first because he’s surprisingly shy about pda or skinship,,,,,to the point where when he first holds ur hand he has to let go 5 minutes later and be like “its not that i dont want to,,,its just,,,,,my hand got sweat and i didnt want u to think thats gross-” and u had to grab his hand back and be like idc if its sweaty i want to hold it forever, minhyun once he gets more comfortable has a habit for always dusting off your uniform or tucking strands of your hair back because he thinks u look cute when ur all neat and whatnot, tbh dongho and jr tell minhyun it might be a lil weird but u like it,,,its minhyun’s personality so u accept it, since he works super long hours u dont really get to see each other often but minhyun really likes it when u text him what ur doing after work esp if u include pictures, at first he’d just be like oh! cool :D or looks yummy! but as you two get closer he’ll kinda be a little sappy saying things like even your silhouette is pretty or i wish i could be beside you right now, a constant struggle is showing people photos of you and minhyun together looking cute in the hospital lobby doing peace signs and ur like that’s my boyfriend! and people are like no no no thats a celebrity honey and ur like,,,no,,,,,no he’s my bf,,,,,,,basically people r just really shocked because minhyun’s visuals are no joke, whenever someone confesses to minhyun whether it’s a patient or a staff he gets all embarrassed but also secretly reaLLY likes saying he has a significant other that he is head over heels for, ren makes fun of him so much for it he imitates his voice and calls out ur name and is like head !!! oveR HEELs~~~!! and minhyun is like pLEASE and ren is just kiss kiss love love u two are sooooo corny, on an anniversary minhyun had work but he sent you a video of him playing on the piano and singing your favorite love song and it legitimately made you tear up, does this thing where when he gets really really tired he’ll never admit it but one kiss from you makes it feel like he can take on the WORLD, an exchange resident named aaron comes to visit and minhyun introduces you to him and is like he’s my bff and aaron is just like “so what base have you and minhyun reac-oK FINE I WONT ASK”, those rare times where residents get more than a day off minhyun always insists on doing the absolute most for you and sometimes you have to literally argue with him to let you do something because he works so hard you want to support him and make it easy, you cooked for him once and you can’t tell if him telling you he LOVED it was fake or real,,,,,,,you guys got matching sweaters from the nu’est boys as a gift and they’re bright pink and corny and minhyun refuses to wear them until you giggled and put it on and minhyun melts for anything you do so he was like ok FINE, surprised you once by pulling you into a storage closet at the hospital and letting a hand slip up your shirt and you were like minhyun?? ?against his neck and he,,,,,couldn’t keep it up you felt his cheeks go hot and he was a stuttering mess like ten minutes in but he was also like i just,,,i really wanted you i dont know what came over me ,,,,,WHAT A FREAKING CUTIE AMIRIGHT THO,,,,promises that once he is done with residency he’s going to get a good job and take you on vacation for never leaving his side through the hardest years of his life and you just kiss his nose and tell him not to worry about it,,,,,but seriously the only thing on minhyun’s mind sometimes (which he finds fascinating) is how much he really rEALLY wants to make you happy,,,,,,,,,,he wants a future,,,,with you

find others here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwi

#nu'est scenarios #nuest scenario #minhyun scenario #minhyun au #minhyun imagine #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 season 2 #pd101 imagines #pd101 scenarios #nu'est au #nuest imagine #hwang minhyun #sfw #college!au #wanna one scenarios #wanna one

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tumblunni · 7 years

Text

OKAY SO THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG

Man it REALLY sucks that the only place you can’t take screenshots is in the cutscenes. SO MUCH GODDAMN PLOT HAPPENED!! I’m gonna try and sum it up! basically ORESHIKA GOT REAL

* Okay so to recap what’s happened before: we’re a magic cursed clan of zombie doods who need to defeat Abe No Senmei to break the curse. We can each only live for two years, so the game is built on hundreds of generations of this family marching into death over and over again until eventually some great great grandkid might get a normal life back. But oddly enough it isn’t actually as super dark as expected, cos you dont really have any personality or bonding scenes with the family members. I kinda stopped getting very upset after the first three generations, now theyve just become a bunch of numbers that i have to selectively breed to make a better next generation. Seriously its been OVER 150 CHARACTERS SO FAR and I’’m only around 2/3rds through the game! And like the plot also seemed super simple and it didn’t feel like anything was gonna happen to anyone outside of the backstory?? I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO GET SO REAL

* Abe No Seimei is a cool smarmy ass jerk villain with a neat design and a weird ancient japanese hand puppet. like this really funky cool wooden mask thing with a giant wig that I legit thought was an actual demon attatched to his arm until it started having clickitty clack face animations. I got REALLY UNUSUALLY SAD ABOUT THAT! Cos seriously abe no seimei is just.. weirdly.. nice...? He keeps telling you how to defeat him, he waits to do all his evil plots when you’re there to watch him, he literally sends you letters to come to his grand feasts celebrating each evil plan. And its so fuckin mysterious and getting to know him is really the only thing driving the plot forwards, cos none of your characters have actual voices. And like.. he’s this immortal guy who seems like he wants to die, and he’s deliberately playing the villain so you guys will be motivated enough to find out a way to do it. And like HE HAS ONLY ONE FRIEND and its HIMSELF DOING A STUPID PUPPET PAL VOICE. i’m really abnormally upset that onigashira isn’t really alive! His cute comedy sidekick doesnt exist! MR SERIOUS VILLAINMAN IS DOING THAT VOICE ALL ALONE IN HIS STUPID SAD HOUSE why do i want to hug this horrible jerkface

* Okay but then the other mystery we have is the character Nueko, who’s a weird demigod of some sort who can reincarnate in human form. She’s the one who gave us our magic zombie powers in the first place, she’s got the power to DIE HORRIBLY REPEATEDLY AND FEED PEOPLE HER BLOOD in order to cure them of deadly diseases and bring them back to life and stuff. And this actually becomes a gameplay thing! You can repeatedly bring her back as a new human reincarnation, and then her special skills let her shield allies from damage at the cost of basically going poof back to the heavens again. Its a really useful relief from the punishing permadeath! While not being overpowered cos she can only save one person per dungeoncrawl, and you cant reincarnate her again for a while afterwards. Anyway she keeps popping up every now and again like ‘hey guys i slept off that last death’ and being a super helpful badass team mom and such. But then THE PLOT STARTS HAPPENING EVERYWHERE Cos it turns out she’s got ~magical anime amnesia~ and doesnt understand her demigodness any better than we do. But wtf why does this evil sorcerer man keep implying he knows some secret about her...?

* THE PLOT TWIST SHE’S HIS MOM HIS MOM and seriously I LOVE ONIGASHIRA SO MUCH its like Nueko: What did you say?! Onigashira: *literally looks out the fourth wall* Did you hear it, kids? He totally said “waaaah, mummy, I missed you so much”, right! Literal actual player prompt: Yes/No Bunni, of course: SLAM THAT YES And oh god its just so extra funny cos Seimei actually doesnt even deny it?? He cracks a semi genuine smile and just looks embarassed, its so weird cos its like the only time he hasnt been all smug grumpy asshole. And I mean if it is indeed true that Onigashira is just a puppet, then the whole thing was his genuine feelings from the start.. ... though also DOES THAT MEAN SEIMEI CAN SEE THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL its weird how thats MORE SCARY than the literal demon doing it! like i feel like the game wants me to be scared of onigashira but he’s just SO CUTE AND FUNNY and I really dont want him to be imaginary okay. can we adopt him after we defeat seimei :(

* BUT ANYWAY UMM Yeah, Nueko is actually his mum despite looking younger than him! He kinda inherited her reincarnation power in a broken way, cos he’s half human. Instead of experiencing multiple lives whenever he chooses it, and getting to nap in the clouds in between, instead he just CANNOT DIE NO MATTER HOW MUCH PUNISHMENT HE TAKES. Seriously he introduced himself by setting himself on fire, burning to a crisp and then growing back his skin right in front of us, just to prove it! I can honestly relate to this guy going mad if he’s had to put up with this super crappy immortality that he never even asked for. And also its gotta sting to see that his own mum gets to stay more youthful looking, lol. i mean he’s pretty bishie too right now, but I’m assuming he’d actually continue to age and thats gotta suck!

* Oh and there’s this really cool element that all the bosses that Seimei summons to figth you become new powerups for Nueko! Its an early clue about their connection- at first she’s like WTF WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, but then it turns out these bosses actually originally were her familiars and she left them to look after her son. So they’re still loyal to her original command until she defeats them in battle. Also the WAY these familiars get used is EXTRA SUPER COOL! They’re sealed in magic tattoos all over her body, so she gets more sweet ink every time you reach a storyline milestone. And then she doesn’t just summon them or just boost her stats, she friggin GROWS MASSIVE MONSTER ARMS ALL OVER THE SHOP! Like I was so worried when her design looked all fanservicey at first, but then she’s never degraded in any way and she gets this super disservice power lol. I can’t imagine any smut fanfiction with her! “Yes hunny i will take off my bra and then BRING OUT THE CRAB ARMS” She grows fuckin CRAB ARMS! And snake heads for legs! She can shoot different demons out of all of her limbs and grow giant horns and wing hair and breathe fire and holy fuckin shit yo. And she’s really fuckin terrifyingly stoic badass even before she unlocks her powers! She could probably crush your head in her palm and not even need the crab. basically I Love Strong Mom

* Oh and apparantly Nueko’s husband was another god who got erased from history? Literally nobody is able to say his name, it comes out as garbled scribbled out text. And at the moment its ambiguous what happened, but it might be possible that he was actually sniped out by his fellow gods for being TOO GOOD. Like, he wanted to make peace with demons and give a bigger share fo divine power to humans, and everyone else was all ‘BUT THE STATUS QUO’ and stabbed him in the back. possibly? Maybe? ITS ALL SO MYSTERY!!

* so ANYWAY ANYWAY a required other thing for explaining the EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE MOMENT is that there’s this duo of minor helpful npcs i never mentioned before, cos i honestly didnt think they were gonna be important there’s this justice-powered cute princess who’s determined to do political stuffs to clear your clan’s name and let you back into your former land, though all you really see of it is that she makes a few sentences of progress every time you get back from a story dungeon. And then there’s her grumpy ass bodyguard who’s kinda your rival? he’s always hating on you while she always supports you, and its like he’s jealous cos he has a crush on her and doesnt want commoners talking to his precious princes. And blablabla ‘i am the only one strong enough to protect her GRARR i need to get stronger how did you defeat me’ yadda yadda. Except you dont even get to fight him, again its just like one sentence every story dungeon where he says he was totally gonna rescue the magical artifact you beat him to. Even tho he doesnt do it no matter how many years pass, lol So yeah we like.. didnt really even know them very well, but also they felt like this comforting constant that would never leave? GuesS WHAT THE EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE BIT WAS

* Okay so HEY SEIMEI KIDNPPED PRINCESS LADY HAHA JUST AN ORDINARY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS PLOT we’re TOTALLY gonna successfully get her back, this is probably just filler... HA... HA... HA...

* The rollercoaster of emotions begins! Hey onigashira might actually really be alive! Apparantly this puppet mask is haunted, or something? like onigashira is the name of a whole set of masks that give you super power if you wear them, but turn you beserker loopy demon man. Though they dont seem to be sentient or anything and also like nobody else seems to be able to wear them without losing their humanity?? So like did seimei escape the curse by wearing it as a hand puppet instead? or is the puppet not connected to the masks at all? Or is it gonna be something lame like seimei was never in control of his actions and the puppet is sentient and is the real baddie? COS I LIKE HIM BEING THE CUTE COMIC RELIEF YO Oh, wait, like.. maybe its something like seimei is possessed by the mask but the mask isnt really alive and like.. doing ventriloquism is just his random symptom of this ambiguously defined madness? Like instead of going beserker it made him ‘give in to his instincts’ in a different way, so he stays mostly in control but involuntarily expresses his true hidden feelings through the puppet. Hence why it is the best and cutest goofball who encourages him to be honest and hug his mom. OR JUST I DUNNO I JUST KNOW I HAVE MY FAITH SLIGHTLY RESTORED THAT CUTE SIDEKICK MIGHT BE REAL AND I CAN ADOPT HIM

* but hey guess what happened right after that happy moment of wow cool yay in the middle of me being like ‘yay seimei is so cool yay onigashira is actually gonna play a bigger plot role than just a sidekick and may actually be his own separate character’ SUDDENLY THEY KILL THE SAMURAI And like OHHH NO they dont even JUST kill the samurai I was still thinking the moment was cool!! Seimei throws a second mask on him and curses him to fight the party and i was just like WOW YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD and WHAT A COOL BOSS FIGHT CONCEPT And like I was proud of myself for sweeping the fight super quickly?? I just thought he’d be fine once we got the mask off??? BUT NO HE’S FUCKIN DEAD WE COULDNT UNDO THE CURSE WE JUST HAD TO KILL HIM AND THEY SHOW HIS VERY GRAPHICALLY BLOODIED CORPSE and like his whole plotline got cut off with no resolution?? he only existed to die here?? THE WRITERS NEVER HAD ANY INTENTION OF LETTING HIM CONFESS HIS PRINCESS LOVE. AND HE ALSO NEVER MADE UP WITH US AND LEARNED FROM HIS RIVAL PLOTS he just died really sadly and then like FOR THE SECOND TIME ONLY IN THE ENTIRE GAME we had an actual dialogue choice to decide the personality of our hero first time: lol onigashira mommy jokes second time: pick one of three ways to try and soften the blow as you tell the rescued princess that her childhood friend and crush just died horribly :(

* :(

* the one I picked was telling her he died saving her, not that he was the one being mind controlled to threaten her. :(

* I DIDNT EVEN LIKE YOU GRUMPY DUDE BUT YOU DESERVED BETTER THAN THAAAAAT

* look can i just headcanon that he became a guardian spirit like my characters can do if they get that rare random event. or like.. geez.. why couldnt nueko use her ressurection powers on him if she could do it for us?? they should have at least had a line of dialogue saying something like ‘it cant be done cos his soul was corrupted by the demon power’ or something...

* MAY YOU RESOLVE YOUR DAMN PLOTLINE IN THE AFTERLIFE, GRUMP FRIEND

* also seimei I am fuckin pissed. you have been promoted from trash boss who i kinda wanna give a hug to the same thing but without the hug now. you dont even deserve your sweet sidekick! IM TAKING YOUR DAMN PUPPET PAL, SHITTY POOP MAN i fuckin SWEAR if this game doesnt end with me ripping that puppet out of his hands i am gonna throttle a bitch

* ALSO I FUCKIN SWEAR IF THEY PULL A ‘PUPPET PAL WAS THE REAL VILLAIN AND SEIMEI WAS BRAINWASHED’ I AM GONNA DOUBLE CHOKE YA inm gonna fuckin build my own puppet with animatronic stranglin’ hands

#bunni plays oreshika #I WILL NOT CEASE IN MY ENDLESS BELIEF IN PUPPET PAL

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