#also don’t perceive me reblogging this at 12 am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marengogo · 1 year

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I posted 258 times in 2022

That's 258 more posts than 2021!

124 posts created (48%)

134 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@akookminsupporter

@stormblessed95

@chikooritajjk

@marengogo

@parkparkjeon

I tagged 151 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 35 posts

#jikook - 33 posts

#bts 7 nation army - 21 posts

#people who are lost - 20 posts

#jm - 16 posts

#jk - 12 posts

#bts chapter 2 - 10 posts

#about marengo - 9 posts

#jkk nak - 8 posts

#jimin - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 36 characters

#we ain’t about that life around here

My Top Posts in 2022:

i cant stop thinking about the way jimin was giggling like a school girl after he called jk over as a guest for his bday party, and then getting all awkward and flustered as if talking to his school crush. he was smiling so much even if jungkook was just standing there— and the way jungkook was also giggling when he said "jimin came by" to greet him happy birthday on his recent live. my boys are so smitten for each other its so adorable

It’s the way they do things all the members do, but when they do it every so often it feels like we are intruding, you know?

Oh and let’s UNOT7nify things for a change, shall we? for all those people out there going “but Hobi was there as well so”. To begin with, we have no idea of how it all went down. If JM didn’t come forth with that Hobi super-crop, we could have assumed that maybe they visited him at different times. But even with Hobi being there, who was the one that was so eagerly awaiting this day? Who was the one who gave us another very cute super-crop picture, of JK this time, while he is seemingly blowing out candles?

Hobi also joined them during JM’s birthday live last year, and people that don’t want to acknowledge it will not, but the change of atmosphere was instant. Before his arrival, not gonna lie to you, I was in disbelief and I didn't realise I was holding my breath until Hobi came in. Same with the Team Party-Party~! V-Live in LV, the way JM’s whole demeanour changed when JK walked into that room. Tae unbothered and Hobi moving aside, both probably being very used to this dynamic by now, but us still watching and wondering if all of this is okay to witness?! LOL

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43 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

QUICKIE - 1: The Moon Embracing The Sun

LOVE AGAIN - by Daniel Caesar, Brandy [CASE STUDY 01]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Constantly, I hope everyone is doing great and I’m guessing we are all very excited about tomorrow! I’m perhaps overly excited and all I need to do at this point is try and get some sleep, like for real, but I feel like I’m a kid again and it's Xmas Eve’s Night where even tho I ain’t tryna catch Santa, I’m too hyped to sleep 🙃 … ANYWAYS, As the name of this series suggests, this is not going to be anything excessively long, but rather just a quick observation regarding some cute/lucky/noticeable occurrence I might have noticed or that might have happened in correlation to Jikook.

Today I’d like to talk about a “little” K-Drama called The Moon Embracing The Sun, which is from 2012, like, a good 10 years ago, but good stuff, good stuff! I literally just finished watching and it took me two weeks because I was trying to make it last (and it is a good 20 episodes). As you might already have deduced, the fact that it talked about The Moon and The Sun made me think of Jikook and straight away my brain started braining as I began to better understand a very distinct difference between how The West and The East perceive the relationship between the Moon and the Sun (myself being born and brought up in The West).

First of all, I was quite intrigued to find out that the drama was a love story between the Sun and the Moon, since (as some might have gathered by now) with me being really big on mythology (greek/roman in particular), I’ve always had a hard time thinking of the Sun and the Moon as anything other than twins, which is what Apollo (eventually god of the Sun) and Artemis (eventually goddess of the moon) are. In The East it appears that they for the most part star crossed lovers for something the moon did apparently, but lovers nevertheless.

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46 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

Silver Lining - What If #2 : I Caught You Bae Bae! [PART 1]

Dreamers - by Jungkook of BTS [Music from the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Official Soundtrack]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

This week has been a bit messy hasn’t it? And to top the madness all off, though I’m sure we are all happy to see that JK is doing well, thanks to his IG updates, it would have been great to “hear” from Jimin as well 🥹at this point is like, I know you working but, help a sister out you know? Like we be “worrying”/hella selfish here in this neck of the woods, like … jimiii↗️↘️iiin, I MISS SO MUCH IT HURTS 😭. So I thought I’d stop by to write something … cute me thinks? I think we can all use some fluffy, tender and light STD: Speculations, Thoughts and Delulu. In fact, the idea for this post was the result of me reading this post → Jikook After Tokyo by @wingzie. So welcome to another long ass post!

Though wingzie’s post was clearly about both JM and JK, I haven’t been able to shake off the image of Jimin blushing/being shy. I’ve always felt like Park Jimin is the kind of human being who, at least until circa pre-2018, would instantly wear his heart on his sleeve full-throttle. As of present, he seems to be much more in control with regards to the majority of emotions that he can control, sometimes even resorting to smart talk/ cynicism as a substitute as well. But oh boi, it used to be that we were always made aware of any kind of emotion he felt from little happiness and ecstasy to pet-peeves and straight up being bothered.

The only time we are now privy of a non-controlled emotion from Jimin is when he blushes/gets shy. There are infinite reasons why different people get shy. Some people get shy out of being complimented, some people get shy just being in the proximity of the person they maybe fancy, some people get shy when put on the spot, etc etc etc. When it comes to JM, what in my opinion, seems to be his shy trigger are situations where he REALLY doesn’t know what to do. So he “blushes” or becomes “shy”, so to say, and in his case it seems to happen mostly on 2 particular scenarios:

He is out of depts, not in his element, doesn't want us to know, and he is well aware that it will show on his face.

He hasn’t yet processed his feelings with regards to a certain situation. Hence, he hides his face so that we don’t see how he is feeling in that moment, before he himself can actually process what it is that he is even feeling.

Now, though JM has admitted on many occasions that he is indeed the shiest member of the band, people who are just focused on his performance persona, or just observe him within his comfort zone (which is for example anything with his members RUN BTS, BON VOYAGE etc) will not notice this side of him all, in fact they might even think that he is “capping”.

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52 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

hi dunno if you had this question or not but do u think before jikook become a "thing" vmin and jihope messed around... cos if u ask other blogs they will beat around the bushes but aint nobody actually answering lol im saying this cos vmin are close as jihope hobi was his roomate tho (roomates) i didnt see jimin &hobi dynamic turn around like this until bv in malta or burn the stage..?

anyway it doesnt changr my opinion on jikook im just curious cos it looks like they prob messed around lol and

at some point i think rm had a crush on jimin too thats why sometimes jungkook had ?? a "problem with minimoni " monitoring jikook

Hello Anon,

Sure, let’s talk abou it.

No, I don’t think JM messed around with any other member in BTS before, during or after JK. Short answer; amongst other factors, one (not the main factor but …) is it would take a person who actually thinks they are desired in such a manner to do so, and quite unfortunately, for the longest time, I do believe JM didn’t believe himself to be said person at all. As for the Long answer, let’s look at each pairing you mentioned, shall we?

Let’s start with giving some context to my thoughts:

Not sure if you read any other of my posts, but I think 2015 was the year JK started “peacocking” so to say, at JM, and through ups and downs it took them 2017/2018 to actually enter a steady relationship and by steady I don’t mean they were in an open relationship prior to this. What I mean is that they both were trying to figure out things like, for example; what they actually were feeling for each other, or would them “being together” actually work, or could they really actually do this., etc, etc etc.

Furthermore, I should add, that I believe JM “taunting” JK with requests of kisses and telling him he liked him and wanted to go out with him etc, as they already had a very good relationship off-camera (as proven by various interviews), was just an also quite naive approached mixing at an attempt to establish a connection with JK on camera, with feelings he still himself hadn’t quite properly acknowledged. In simple words: He was consciously kidding about feelings he subconsciously already had but never really took seriously.

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57 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Well Well Well … - 1 : … BRUH~!

Shinunoga E-Wa - by 藤井風 (Fuji Kaze) [HELP EVER HURT NEVER]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I’ve been wondering.

For the past week, I’ve been wondering about what Jeon Jungkook would do for Park Jimin’s birthday privately. Because I was 100% sure he wouldn’t appear in JM’s vlive, just as much as I was 100% sure JM wouldn’t vlive from his private home (my reasons being, are probably for another post though … 😁). BUT, at the same time I did wonder; since JK doesn’t have the excuse of being at the company anymore, and since he is not going to release another 100% centric Jimin GCF; … what is he going to do? So you might be wondering: if you didn;t think he was going to do anything public, why still wonder about what he could do?

MIND YOU, being the private person that he is (they are), I did for the most part expected JK to not post anything at all. So I was actually at work wanting to talk to my loved one and not being able to (don’t ask…) while waiting for some Jikookers to beg for JK to post something, the whole time thinking “… it would be nice if they’d leave JK alone, is not like he is going to publicly do anything ..”. AND THEN, the second I thought that, I remember about last years birthday and I was like “🤦🏾‍♀️🙄😒😬…”.

Which brought me right back to the me that had been hypothetically thinking about “if, then what?”. If JK really wanted to publicly wish JM a happy birthday in a still intimate way but still not being caught: HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT?

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60 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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ardenssolis · 1 year

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I posted 1,495 times in 2022

896 posts created (60%)

599 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tenkoseiensei

@caemthe

@oldestking

@bigdhashira

@006461

I tagged 1,495 of my posts in 2022

#answered - 649 posts

#;;inbox - 640 posts

#;v: chaldea days - 515 posts

#;;f.go - 358 posts

#;mini - 259 posts

#;v: ??? - 233 posts

#;ooc jabber - 212 posts

#tenkoseiensei - 180 posts

#;;fgo - 161 posts

#;v: summoned forth - 155 posts

Longest Tag: 87 characters

#the king of kings is fond of a certain ancient blockhead but you didn't hear it from me

My Top Posts in 2022:

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !

NAME: Shi

PRONOUNS: she / her / they / them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: IMs usually! Discord is fine too especially for plotting and general chitchat since that IM box is tiny as hell. But it tends to definitely be easier to catch me on here since for some reason, my discord doesn’t always alert me to people talking and left messages kfjsdfhdsfs. Me checking discord to see someone talked to me hours ago -- me sweating wondering if they think I ignored them while I was posting on tumblr.

NAME OF MUSE(S): Ozymandias

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): Like...over 15 years? I have, quite literally, seen and experienced everything at this point. That’s why my rules probably sound so strict because I am just a tired woman who feels like I aged to 80 sometimes. I don’t play when it comes to my boundaries anymore like when I was younger and allowed things I shouldn’t have allowed for the sake of keeping the peace and being liked. I have been so much happier putting my foot down.

BEST EXPERIENCE: Meeting really great people and continuing to meet great people! Idk I’ve met so many who have inspired me to keep writing and just enjoying this little hobby of mine. Even now I just finger gun at all those individuals and really great mutuals that make my time here on tumblr A+.

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Getting me excited for stuff and then ghosting me. Then coming to me, getting me excited again, ghosting me again -- rinse repeat like that’s a normal way to communicate with someone. Like I’m not here for that. I’ll softblock or hardblock you in a heartbeat and move on.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: I like all three honestly, but angst??? Emotional stuff? GAWD DO I EAT THAT UP. Especially for Ozy because he’s just -gestures at him- Sometimes I want him to really feel things which can be difficult. But the fact it’s difficult is what makes me love it even more.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I don’t mind both since we can basic plot something like oh how they’d meet? Are they friends? Do they hate one another?? That kind of stuff can make interaction so much easier. But memes are certainly the best way to come at me and continue things from there since I don’t do starters.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Long replies! But short is nice when your brain is tired and after staring at a computer for eight hours and working HR, my brain is often very tired during the weekdays. So a nice balance of both!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Normally in the evening. My writing just feels like it flows better for some reason.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Not even REMOTELY jkfhdskfdkfsd

tagged by: @chaieos (ilu Lis)

tagging: anyone! take it and talk about yourself! (also tag me I wanna read)

16 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Crossover ships and OC x Canon ships save lives.

17 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

@tenkoseiensei said (inbox):

sa vc teehee

HE DOES NOT PERCEIVE.

18 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

If you’re a lot younger than Ozy, chances are he will:

a.) Adopt you as his child

b.) Adopt you as his younger sibling

These are just the rules I don’t make them.

18 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[Glowing beans. D.o not r.eblog.]

19 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #JKFHDSJFDKFS THAT LAST ONE LMFAOOOOO #that's a good post right there #the only one that matters #long post /

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kellinrk800 · 3 years

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my thoughts on episode 11 of wonder egg priority

tw// neglect, possible abuse, murder, human experimentation

holy SHIT is there a lot to unpack.

first of all, everyone except ai and neiru have now experienced the truth of what happens when you complete the total amount of people to save. at the end of episode ten we saw momoe’s breakdown and panic’s death and at the beginning today’s episode we saw rika find out and mannen’s death. (i previously wrote that neiru and pinky had experienced it but after someone kindly let me know after a rewatch that it was in fact momoe, not neiru. sorry for the error)

however, ai is now the only one who knows about frill and what happened to her. speaking of, there are a RIDICULOUS amount of parallels between the two. i’ll be reblogging some posts that explain it a lot better than i ever could right after i post this.

what i really want to focus on is frill. despite her fairly questionable and downright evil actions, i can’t help but feel a shred of pity for her.

born out of quite literal boredom and under strict surveillance, she was almost destined to be unloved. she was not made to be a human, but simply something for acca and ura acca to love. in the way you might buy a doll for a small child. their mistake was adding such severe jealousy and stubbornness to something they had created to be perfection.

stuck at the age of 14 permanently, it’s no surprise her mental state was damaged. imagine the jealousy, the intense emotions, everything you go through at that age.

she is at least somewhat aware that she is artificial intelligence considering how open those who are around her seem to be about it. however, she does not seem to be keen on accepting it or believing it. after all, she is not programmed to. she is programmed to sense things in the way a human would. and that opens a whole world of other doors about how anyone could be an ai and not know it but i doubt wonder egg priority would get that meta this close to the end.

time to tie up all these loose ends. around midway through the episode we are introduced to a love interest (who i have forgotten the name of, apologies) who causes a split in acca and ura acca’s relationship (marriage), and she soon becomes pregnant with a child. a human child.

frill was programmed to be able to understand her parents in the way a daughter would. she begins to taunt ura acca about his husband cheating on him with the woman he loves and once she finally finds out that the baby is a girl, she decides to kill the mother.

the motivation behind frill’s mental deterioration is slowly becoming clearer and clearer. i strongly suspect that she felt she was being replaced with a human child and realised the inherent inferiority she was going to have once the child was born, and became overcome with jealousy. not only would she now have to take on the role to be a big sister (which she was not programmed to accept or do. she was programmed to be stubborn and jealous in the way a 14 year old girl would be) but she would lose the ability she had to be perceived as a human daughter by the parents who raised her.

imagine being created for the sole purpose of being the perfect daughter for somebody to love, and then being replaced. i am by no means excusing murder, but it’s hard not to see her motivation.

as punishment and as relief of acca’s grief, frill was then locked away with nothing but her ai machinery for anywhere between 12 and 15 years*.

enter himari, the child that survived despite frill’s attempt at murder of both mother and child. she is described as having “saved” ura acca and acca from their state after the mother’s murder and the abandonment of their artificial daughter. when we see her able to talk, she is shown asking ura acca to marry her once she is older to make up for the pain of the loss of her mother. she is stated as being in junior high at the time (*my timespan reasoning for the time frill was locked away). while this scene made me greatly uncomfortable, it might be to show frill’s impact and influence on himari. if they had come into contact, frill would arguably do anything in her power to gain back control of her parents.

perhaps himari asked this purposefully to anger frill, which is supported further by the fact himari was found dead (cause of death suicide) the night later.

suicide. what’s the entire theme OF the eggs? i don’t know about you but i can hear lightbulbs beginning to flicker.

ura acca and acca began research into girls suicides at that age, and found a steady surge around the same time as himari’s death.

acca and ura acca are trying to bring back himari, possibly their wife, and maybe, maybe just maybe frill as well. i think that is the real purpose of the wonder egg project.

we also finally have our answer as to why girls and boys suicides are different with wonder eggs! acca and ura acca are indeed sexists, just not about suicide.

i’ll let you do the rest of the theorising.

now for the loose ends that i don’t think can be tied up.

why are hyphen and dot named after punctuation? is their goal to bring frill back to life?

what was neiru’s family’s involvement in the wonder eggs? in fact, where is neiru?

is frill alive or dead? is there even a way to distinguish with someone in her state?

what happened to acca and ura acca to make them.. well, to make them like that? last i checked, turning into mannequins isn’t a symptom of grief. are they even alive?

MOMOE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MOMOE. GIVE ME MOMOE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

there are a shit ton of new, unspecified entities we’re learning about. what actually are hyphen and dot? are they AIs like frill? perhaps not fully formed? and thanatos and eros?

where do the girls go once they’ve been freed? is “freed” even the right term?

what did mr sawaki say to ai about koito? why did koito die? is mr sawaki going to have a bigger role than a consistently fucking annoying red herring after all?

rika’s father? why have that as a big factor in an episode conflict if it’s never going to be addressed again?

the sketchy lesbian representation compared to the consistent positive trans ftm and gay representation? why have the only canonically wlw character be a product of a harmful stereotype after treating everything else so respectfully?

and most importantly, how the FUCK is this going to get cleared up in one episode?

i don’t even think that’s possible. if it is, i’m really disappointed. after consistent excellent pacing, writing, storytelling, and everything else, cramming everything into the last couple of episodes is just cheap and annoying. if i wanted to drone on for an entire series before an explosion of poor plot points for shock factor, i’d just go watch the second season of the promised neverland (/hj).

the only somewhat reasonable explanation would be a second season, but it is a terrible media decision and i can’t imagine much, if any, good coming from it.

in conclusion, what the fuck. how the hell is this going to salvage itself in one episode?

also i wrote this entire thing while on my sleep meds. if there’s logical, grammatical, spelling or just general errors i apologise and i’ll fix them when i’m not half conscious.

#wonder egg priority #how the fuck are they going to salvage this #wonder egg priority spoilers #wep project #wep #i really don’t know how to feel about frill #wep frill #a moment of silence for mannen and panic

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years

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Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 12 FINALE

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: Nope! Notes: How lovely it has been, to go on this journey with you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to every person who has liked, reblogged, or left a kind comment on this story. Combined, you all have genuinely changed my life. I'm writing more than ever, more consistently, and I'm having a blast. So if you like this story, and wish it wasn't ending, well... maybe don't worry too much. There will be a sequel of sorts, same timeline but new reader, instead focusing on Cassandra. Also oops this is hella long. And mostly dialogue. Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy, Pt. 7: Harmony, Pt. 8: Obbligato, Pt. 9: Berceuse, Pt. 10b: Hymn AMAB, Pt 11: Cadence

Chapter 12: Cadence (Reprise)

(Cadence: Two chords that mark the end of a song)

Truth be told, she had never expected much of anything to come from this. ‘Twas not that she thought her daughter to be talentless, or that she denied the capabilities of the servant-turned-teacher, rather that she knew just how difficult it was to keep Daniela’s attention for any measure of time. Even as the weeks went by with undeniable progress, there was a part of her awaiting the collapse of it all. How long would this instructor last? How long before they were drained of blood, either for some perceived insult, or merely out of boredom? Surely, in the end, Alcina would not need to lift a single finger.

And yet here she was, at the end of a concert, pride roaring within her chest. What had she missed? What clues had eluded her, what had changed within her child’s nature? She knew that there were hints of deeper affections, fragments of a would-be love, but she had thought them miniscule. Thought that those feelings were doomed to crash and burn, unable to live up to the expectations set by decades of romance novels. Well, maybe they had failed. Maybe, somehow, Alcina had missed something else entirely.

The thought might have sent a shiver down her spine, if she weren’t so readily distracted by praising her youngest child… or by the looming shadow of a life-changing revelation.

“Mother… we need to talk. I… I have a confession to make,” Daniela explains, hesitantly slow, but with a conviction she rarely ever showed. Taken aback by the unexpected announcement, Alcina pauses, silently awaiting some form of elaboration. Instead, Daniela takes her hand, pulling her towards a set of chairs. They sit gingerly, each feeling the weight of terrifying possibilities upon their shoulders. When she at last continues speaking, she does so without a trace of showmanship or false bravado, trading it in for heartfelt sincerity. “I love them. All of this- these lessons, this concert- has been for them. For my sweet, innocent little songbird.” So here it was, the birthplace of her fears, brought forth from her mind into reality.

“I was afraid you would say that,” Alcina muses, leaning back into the chair with a deep sigh. Something itches in the back of her throat, and she yearns for her pipe, or even just a normal cigarette to distract herself. Without one, she is left to metaphorically chew on her thoughts. Realistically, there has to be some way to deal with this, some way that she can convince her daughter of the sheer foolishness of this mess. “Daniela… how can I put this in a way you will understand, hmm?… The two of you have only known each other for three months. There is no chance that you truly love them, or them you. How close can you possibly have become?”

“When have I cared about anything for three whole months? I dedicated myself to-” Daniela is cut off by the sound of the door opening, revealing the rest of her little family. It was guaranteed that they would have heard the conversation from outside, seeing as they were all inhuman, though they perhaps intended to intervene. A single hard glance from both of the room’s occupants convinces them to change their minds. “Wait, Ava, can you get us some tea, please? Something tells me I’ll need a soothing drink soon.” Hesitating in the doorway, the butler in question eyes the both of them, naturally tempted to stay and fill the role of a therapist.

“I do believe my daughter gave you an order, Ava. Don’t tell me you have forgotten the stipulations of your agreement with Mother Miranda?” Alcina interjects. With that said, the butler finally moves, exiting with an apologetic bow. An awkward silence hangs in the air once xe closes the door behind xerself, as Daniela takes a moment to recall her place.

“Three months is a long time for me. I put all of my energy towards both them and what they taught me, almost every single day. Even when their work kept them busy for too long, I still practiced, because I wanted to make them proud! For all my flirting, I’ve never bonded with anyone this way before now,” she says, hating the way her voice gets a little shaky. No matter how much confidence she has in her own writing, it is another thing entirely to be convincing out loud, with a truth she had been hiding for so long. All of her practice had been with lies. Now she had to contest with the hope that the strength of her emotions would be enough. “That song we played together, at the end, they wrote that for me. Doesn’t that mean something?”

“Oh, my dear… I want you to be happy more than anything. But we both know that your ‘history’ is stained with a number of incidents. You have always been absorbed within those books you read, and the fantasies that they provide for you. It is one thing to enjoy these stories on the side, but another matter entirely to let them corrupt your relations with others. As your mother, it is my duty to keep you safe, first and foremost,” Alcina proclaims, sitting up straighter, trying not to let her frown evolve into a full out scowl. Beneath the table, her hands ball into fists, clutched tight to stop herself from breaking the table. In the back of her mind she could think of little other than dismembering that damned piano instructor. Focusing on the discussion at hand, she takes a deep breath before finalizing her point. “You don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, nor what it feels like. Your books are not ideal models for reference. One- or both- of you are going to end up suffering, and that is something I cannot allow, regardless of how ‘happy’ they make you before then.”

“You’re right,” Daniela whispers in defeat… or a feigned version of it. A split second later she’s making eye contact with her mother again, lips curling up into a smile. “I didn’t want to admit it, especially not to someone as attractive, talented, and charming as my Songbird, but I didn’t have to. They understood from the very start. We talked about it, about my expectations and my shitty behavior, and we worked on it. We’re still working on it. Maybe there will be bumps along the way, just like in every relationship, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it in the end. What we have is still real, and they make me want to be a better woman. I know they’ve already helped me make the change.”

Once more the door opens, making the conversation pause, as Ava near-silently brings in the requested tea. If a pin had dropped at that moment, it would have felt as ear-shattering loud as a gong. Every second that passed felt like it dragged on, stretched out by the tension in the room, as though xe was moving in slow motion. The ‘clink’ of ceramic against the table makes xer flinch, almost spilling the tea. Neither Alcina nor Daniela react, or even acknowledge xer presence with anything more than their eyes, instead remaining impassive until xe makes a hasty retreat.

“Use what you’ve learned on someone else, then. Perhaps another one of Miranda’s experiments will someday provide a suitable match. But this ‘songbird’ of yours? They’re nothing. A human, a servant, they are not worth your time, nor are they worth mine. No matter what words or songs they weave, or illusions of grandeur they show you, you will end up getting bored of them. I’m afraid it is inevitable, my dear,” Alcina says, as soon as the door is closed once more. Then she attends to her tea, with the composure of someone convinced that they had just won an argument. On the other hand, Daniela was not so quick to give in, some of her worry melting into anger.

“How can you say that? How can you be sure? We were all human, once! Even Mother Miranda was human. And my Songbird is no mere human- they are wondrous, with flowery prose and lovely melodies, with soft-lipped smiles and reassuring eyes, and don’t even get me started on how beautiful they are!” She rambles, voice getting louder with every word. All at once it is too much for Alcina, who sets down her glass a little too hard, nostrils flaring as she stares at her daughter. When Daniela speaks again, she does so with love coating her tone. “We have weathered each other’s anxieties with no signs of stopping. I promised that we would weather yours.”

“I only want you to be happy. I need you to understand where I am coming from. This may be your longest lasting infatuation so far, but you have yet to honestly convince me that this is any different from your past ‘distractions’. I’m sorry, Daniela, I simply cannot allow this to continue,” Alcina sighs, hating to break her youngest daughter’s heart like this. There was only one thing that Daniela had yet to try. Maybe two, if she was willing to resort to begging.

“Can’t you trust me enough to give us a chance? Cassandra of all people seems to understand. Bela went as far as to lie to you, for our sake! She never does anything she thinks will hurt me, or you, or any of us. Please, mother, please. How can you ever know if what I have will last, if you cut it down now? Are you going to wait forever for some ‘perfect candidate’ for me? And what if that person loves someone else? Or what if the ‘perfect’ person doesn’t exist! What if we’re stuck waiting for them like Mother Miranda waits for another child, hmm? Would you have me spend another century alone, my only memory of genuine romance being poisoned by the thought that you broke us apart?” Daniela’s words ring throughout the chamber, echoing a damning accusation, somehow more bitter than the taste they left in her mouth.

All at once, Alcina’s heart takes a hit like no other. Her hands damn-near tremble, her lungs ache, her lips purse, and her brow furrows. So be it, she thinks.

“Bring this ‘Songbird’ here. Let me talk to them.”

—————————

Goddess, you are practically vibrating at the speed of sound, palms sweaty, nervousness trashing your mind. What the hell had Daniela done? Last thing you knew, she was determined to keep your secret, even if meant being unable to celebrate with you. But now you were getting tugged along by her, while tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She had said something about “mother” and “important”. That was all the context that you had been given. When you round one last corner, pulling up in front of Lady Dimitrescu’s study, you are shown a sight that somehow makes you feel worse: Bela, Cassandra, and Ava are all resting outside of the room. They appear exhausted, and motion for you to be quiet as you approach.

“They’ve been listening in on our conversation,” Daniela admits with a whisper. Then she’s pulling you into the study, ensuring that the door doesn’t open wide enough for the eavesdroppers to get spotted. Something told you that Alcina was already well aware of their presence. “Alright, mother, here is my Songbird. What did you want to ask us?”

“Daniela… leave us. My questions are for ‘Songbird’ alone,” Alcina replies, seemingly confirming the absolute worst of your fears. This was where you would die. By her hand, without your lover by your side, after what could have been the happiest night of your life. Of course. But Daniela is not willing to go without a fight. As soon as the words leave her mother’s mouth, she is moving between the two of you, just as she had when she first called you her teacher. Before she can speak, her mother stands up and stares her down. “Don’t make me ask again- there will not be a third time.” When she still hesitates, it is your turn to be brave.

“Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be okay,” you promise her, reaching out to take her hand. Instantly she’s returning to your side, hand cupping your cheek, eyes filled to the brim with sadness. “Firefly… ‘Tell me love, we shall last until the end of days’. I love you. Nothing is going to change that, not now, not ever. We’ll be okay.” Maybe not now, you think, but you’ll be okay eventually. Cassandra and Bela, and Ava I suppose, will make sure of it.

“Okay. We’ll last until the end of days. I love you too,” Daniela says, swallowing the lump in her throat. With one last kiss she pulls away, wishing that her departure didn’t feel so much like a betrayal. She pauses in the doorway, meeting your gaze, unable to bring herself to move until you give her an accepting nod. The door swings into place with a click, sealing the room and your fate.

“So,” Alcina begins, returning to her seat as she does. For now you stay standing, unsure of just about every part of this situation, especially your upcoming role in it. “You have been deceiving me. That alone is a crime worthy of severe punishment, and yet you stooped so low as to do far, far more. I had hoped you had, somehow, managed to teach my daughter a real lesson, that you had inspired a love of music in her, that you had made an honest difference in the way she learns. But all this time… it has been nothing more than a ruse.” The last word comes out dipped in venom, acidic enough to make you flinch. Thankfully, your beloved was not the only person who had a gift with words. More than that, this was a topic that you had spent numerous nights thinking about, making you as prepared as you could ever hope to be.

“You know, as much as I desire to claim that I am that interesting, or that Daniela felt so strongly from the very start, I can do no such thing. The truth is this: Music is what brought us together in the first place. It was the catalyst for our first real interaction, the first time she ever looked at me as more than just another servant or bloodbag. We bonded because of it, and so when we went to play together, to learn, Daniela honestly did connect to it,” you explain, despite the fire in Alcina’s expression. To your surprise, she does not interrupt you, and you take it as permission to keep going. Which was very good, considering that being nervous only made you ramble more. “Music is something we’ve shared for the entirety of our relationship. Even if it’s not something she would do much of on her own, I know that she’s grown to care for it more than she might be willing to admit. And, well…

“Even if you decide that what I’ve done is unforgivable, even if I’m destined to die within the hour, I know in my heart that everything the two of us worked on still matters. Because, like it or not, she is capable of growth, of change, of progress. And even if I die, someone else will come afterwards. Daniela will get to use music as a way to forge connections for the rest of her life, now that she knows it works, now that she knows how it works. And every goddamn time that she plays, or Bela plays, or you play, she’s going to remember me. She’ll remember every moment we spent together, every piece we ever played. I’ll live on in the melodies we made. In the song that you can’t quite place, that gets stuck on loop in your head. In the song the maids sing to themselves between shifts. In the quiet evening when the rain against the window feels so much like a familiar rhythm that your daughters can’t help but start humming along, without even thinking, muscle memories in sync.”

“Are you trying to convince me that there’s no point in killing you? That, regardless, you will be in my life until the end of time?” Alcina’s eyes are narrowed, but there isn’t even a hint of anger in her tone. Just curiosity.

“No, not really. Guess I’m just making peace with my fate the best way I know how- by remembering the echoes I’ll leave behind,” you answer, pausing to wipe a few tears from your eyes. All you can think about is how much Daniela will miss you. How much pain you think she’ll go through. Because at this point, who are you trying to fool with your hope? Yourself, or the people listening?

“Hmm. I think I understand. Now, tell me… what was that you said to my daughter a minute ago, before she left the room? It sounded familiar, though I cannot place it,” Alcina questions, idly toying with her glass of tea. You’re not entirely sure why it matters to her, but you have no qualms delaying the inevitable by answering. Besides, it was a chance to talk about how much you loved Daniela (and you’d never skip such an opportunity).

“It’s a line from a poem she wrote for me. “Tell me love, we shall last until the end of days”. A promise. The song Daniela and I played together… I wrote it in response. My way of doing what she asked of me, I guess. Like I said, she’ll always have the music we shared,” you answer, unable to stop yourself from smiling.

“Damn this… I can hardly believe I am asking this, yet I feel I have no choice: Tell me, do you love my daughter? Do you honestly, with your entire being, desire a future with her? Or was this a game of survival you couldn’t afford to lose, that turned out to be more ‘fun’ than you had anticipated? Show me your heart, as it is, bare as it would be if I tore it from your chest, this very moment.” There’s no room for argument in her voice, using the very same tone she reserved for maidens who got a tad too close to refusing her.

“Alright. It was a game. At first. Daniela wanted a distraction, something to entertain her. I didn’t want to die, like I had heard so many of her ‘playmates’ did. I can’t tell you when things changed, at least not for her,” you confess, with a shaky breath. Did that make you a monster? One worthy of death? If so, you wondered if it actually made you more fit to date Daniela. “For me… I just remember her smiling wide at me, hand on my cheek, having just cracked some lame joke. Next thing I knew, well, I knew. We had a spark of something, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to make her happy, you know? All the sudden there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I just wanted to see that smile again, everyday for the rest of my life.

“To answer your question: Yes. Goddess, yes. A thousand times yes. A ‘yes’ for every smile she’s ever shown me, for every butterfly in my stomach, for every time she’s held my hand, for every breath she’s stolen from my lungs, and for every single time my heart has skipped a beat in her name. I love her. I know we haven’t been together long, but the things I feel are undeniable. I will give her every part of myself, for as long as she wants me, for as long as I am blessed to live,” you pour your heart out, weaving your heartbeat into every turn of phrase, spilling your lifeblood onto the very conversation.

“And what will you do if she does change her mind? If she grows bored of you, as she has done with a dozen others?” Alcina counters without hesitation.

“I will weep. I will fall to my knees, and mourn this beautiful thing. But I will cherish every memory she leaves to me. Every moment where I am hers is a moment worth living, worth remembering. It will be better to have loved her with all my heart for a little slice of her immortality, than to love another, lesser so, for all of my life.” With that, Alcina sets her empty glass of tea onto the table, eying you with an unreadable expression. Something seems to stir in her chest, and at last the mask crumbles. She smiles.

“I see. Daniela, you may come back in now. Do not bother pretending that you have not been eavesdropping.” Not even a full second passes before the door opens, revealing a shaking Daniela, both of her sisters quite visible behind her (though they quickly move out of frame, leaving behind Ava, who gives a cheesy thumbs up as the door closes in xer face). She rushes to your side, taking your hand, looking stunned that you were still alive. But what shocks her more is what her mother says… “Of all the women I have ever known, family or otherwise, you are, perhaps, the most determined. Normally only in… ‘spurts’. Yet here you are, defying what I have come to expect of you. It almost feels as if I have been fooling myself this whole time, falsely believing that there is more than one possible outcome. So, ‘Songbird’, I say this: Three months ago, I agreed to give you a chance to prove yourself worthy of my daughter, for the sake of her happiness. Now, I suppose it is only fair that I do so once more.”

“Wait. Are you saying-” Daniela is once again cut off by her mother, who seems eager to avoid a trademark rant.

“Yes, yes I am. For the time being, the two of you have my blessing. I cannot say that I am entirely convinced of your chances at success, but, having seen the strength of your affections for one another, I sincerely hope that you will prove me wrong. Now come here, Daniela. I never got to finish telling you what I thought of your concert…”

—————————

In the glowing comfort of your girlfriend’s room, with the fireplace keeping things warm and cozy, you lay with your head against Daniela’s chest. One of her hands absentmindedly plays with your hair, and you release a sigh of bliss. Ava had assured you that xe would let Daphne know the good news, as xe thought that having one of the castle ladies visiting the servants’ quarters might cause a stir (and Daniela was far from willing to let go of you so soon). Now the two of you were just enjoying time holding each other close. Regardless of Alcina’s concerns, you knew that everything would be looking up from here. Assuming that Daniela didn’t have any more surprise confessions to involve you with.

“That was one hell of a surprise, Firefly. But I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore. I love you, and I don’t know how long I could have survived without being open with it,” you say, a light teasing to your voice. Beneath you, Daniela chuckles, but holds you just a bit tighter. Then she places the softest of kisses to your forehead. “I’m always gonna love you, Firefly.”

“Until the end of days?” She asks, in a delighted whisper, grin practically audible.

“Until the end of days.”

—————————

Elsewhere in the castle, a caring mother takes another long, hungry drink from her glass of wine, staring intently into the fireplace. By her side is a silver-haired servant, who wordlessly watches her every move.

“There’s still a chance that this will all end horribly. Only time will tell, of course… but I can’t help worrying for her, she’s my daughter,” Alcina proclaims, gripping the glass hard enough for a web of cracks to form along its bell. But it does not fully shatter. No, it remains just steady enough to still be of use to her. For now. “Of course, you knew about this all along, didn’t you, Ava?... I know that you value how close you are with my children, and I know that they trust in you as much as I do… but if there are relationships or entanglements that I am unaware of, I expect you to tell me, or there will have to be consequences, regardless of your affiliation with Mother Miranda. Do you understand?”

Sighing, the mute servant pulls a notebook from xer pocket, opening it up to pen in a fresh script. There’s much tension in the air, and it only gets worse when Alcina catches a glimpse at what the note reads. As xe hands it to her, she scowls, and the wine glass fully breaks into countless shards. Immediately, Ava gets to work, picking up the largest of fragments with xer bare hands, refusing to complain about the resulting cuts. All the while Alcina stares into the fire, thoughts racing, wondering if maybe this time she could end her daughter’s problem before it was too late. Beginning to brainstorm ideas, she sets the notebook aside. Inside, in perfectly penned cursive, is a very, very dangerous piece of knowledge. The sort that could affect not only Castle Dimitrescu, but the entire village.

“In that case… there’s something you need to know about Cassandra- and Mother Miranda’s lovely little ‘pet’.”

#daniela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #it's really here lads #this is it #gonna go cry now #oh my god #i can hardly believe it

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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Natalie Holt implying that Loki slept with Sif before cutting off her hair honestly makes my blood boil. The first Thor movie showed us a sympathetic character that was an outcast in Asgard, and a scapegoat in his family. Everything now just seems like Marvel trying to take all of that away. So many people are saying, "Well, now I know why Sif doesn't like him, lol!" And that is exactly as intended. We are supposed to see Loki as an ass and everyone else as a saint for putting up with him. :(

I'm just really baffled at how it's either a) supposed to make sense, or b) explain anything about their dynamic?

Like, okay, let's assume that they do hate each other bc they slept together. Why would that be? Even if you catch feelings and get rejected, that's not really justification to hate someone. Ideally you'd just go your own separate ways but since Loki and Sif shared a social circle, that probably wasn't an option, in which case the next best thing is to just be civil while you move on/get over the feelings. No hatred necessary, and certainly not for centuries.

I don't believe that either of them is stubborn enough to harbor a grudge over being rejected. Sif bc I wouldn't believe that she caught feelings for Loki anyway, and Loki bc while he would certainly be hurt, and his pride would be wounded, I just don't see him holding onto that for longer than it would take for him to move past it.

And where is the hair-cutting supposed to come in? Are we implying here that Loki is so childish and petty that he cut off Sif's hair in retaliation for her not returning his feelings? (Seeing it written down like that, I am guessing this is exactly the implication, bc of course it is, smh.) Was he 12 when they fucked, or ??

So here's the thing, though. You pointed out that the first Thor movie showed us a sympathetic character who was an outcast and a scapegoat but no, actually, it didn't. Thor 1 showed us a jealous, vindictive loner turned villain. That's the problem - the MCU isn't taking anything away as much as they're trying to re-establish the characterization they intended for him to have all along.

Thor 1 left things out that would provide more context to Loki's motivations. Thor 1 actively deleted scenes that showed Loki as sympathetic. Thor 1 set up a "good brother vs evil brother" black-and-white dichotomy between Thor and Loki, in which the narrative and the supporting characters all behaved as though Loki was innately the evil brother and there wasn't even a question about that. Thor 1 was Thor's movie, and while I obviously have no problem with that, it being Thor's movie means that to a lot of the audience, Loki was never going to be perceived as sympathetic. In order to make Thor the hero of his story, Loki has to be the villain and most people just accept that at face-value.

Is Loki sympathetic? Yes. Was he an outcast in his society and a scapegoat in his family? Yes. Was he evil at heart? No. Did he do bad things? Yes. Did he intend for them to turn out as terribly as they did? No. Etc.

These are all things that a lot of us know because we've taken the time to know them. One needs to be interested/invested enough in Loki to make the effort of interpreting his motivations and his characterization but, that said, having a vested enough interest in Loki to be an active fan doesn't necessarily mean interpreting him sympathetically. There's this weird divide and things that seem obvious in hindsight, such as Loki's sympathy as a character or the nuances of what he was really trying to achieve in Thor 1, are things that a lot of the audience + his fandom either don't pick up on or don't care to see.

There's a reason 2011-13 Loki isn't as popular as Ragnarok Loki. There's a reason there are so. many. posts. in this fandom that start off with "I love Loki, but -" and then proceed to drag him. There's a reason why a lot of his fans are like "lol I mean he did murder all those people though?" or why the "you just like Loki/apologize for Loki bc you want to fuck Tom" argument is so prevalent. There's a reason why headcanons like "Loki just fucked his way into the GM's inner circle" are treated as canon, or why nobody questions whether or not it actually made sense for Loki to randomly betray Thor right before the obedience disk scene.

The reason is that Thor 1 didn't show us who Loki really was, and because of his portrayal in that movie and in Avengers (subtext and word-of-god confirmation is clearly insufficient for the wider audience to realize that Loki wasn't acting of his own accord - no, he's just evil), there are very many fans who are just never going to see him as anything besides villainous at worst or "a fun but greasy little shit" at best, who causes trouble and does shitty things for the lulz.

"Loki cut Sif's hair for no other reason than to be a dick after they fucked" falls perfectly in line with that characterization, and the result is that you get tons of fans who are like "LOL that's SO Loki!" or "No wonder Sif hates him!" etc. And if, in 2021, ten years after Loki was introduced into the MCU, people are still coming away from his narrative arc + his own series believing that he is, or ever was, just a rotten little shit who caused trouble for the lulz? Then that is clearly the Loki that they see, that they stan, and that means whatever he means to them, and regardless of how our portion of the fandom may object and cry foul, there's honestly just nothing we can do about it.

So, I mean, there we are. People can feel however they want about Loki. It is what it is. And I think I'm just tired of getting upset about it. Re Loki/Sif, I will share my opinion that it's a trash headcanon and laugh at it, but I'm tired of allowing myself to get genuinely upset about how other people perceive this character, especially when there's nothing I can do about it and the only person who ends up suffering is me when my mental health spirals downward (bc I care way too much about fiction and I have no problem admitting it).

I didn't intend for this to be so long, and obviously this is not any kind of rebuttal against you or your ask personally, anon. It just gave me an opportunity to put into words what I've been feeling for quite awhile. It is what it is.

I also feel it's worth mentioning, again, that I think Natalie's soundtrack is absolute fire and I have nothing but respect for her as the composer in this series, but I do not think that earns her any merit in how she perceives these characters. Loki/Sif is her headcanon, and she also said that Loki looks at Sylvie the way he looks at his mother, which is like, and how do you think he's looking at his mother, Nat? Cause uh. I don't think they are the same. I know most people won't agree, but I feel like her words need to be taken with a grain of salt and not accepted as canon based on nothing more than her position of being someone who worked on the show.

I should put this behind a cut, but meh. Also, I know a lot of people reblogged/added onto my Loki/Sif post from last night and I was going to engage but I just don't have time, so please accept this as my general response + stance on the entire clusterfuck.

#asks #charlotte replies #a nonny mouse #this isn't really negativity i don't think #just my feels #loki pokey artichokey #if anyone feels i should add any tags they've blacklisted just let me know and i'll add them

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imagineredwood · 4 years

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Educating the fandom + nonexamples + history of tone policing POC

There seems to have been a lot of growth and self reflection that has gone on in the last day maybe two. That’s an amazing thing. We love to see it. That’s what we wanted from the beginning. Now, I’m not trying to stir up the pot again, but there are just a few more things I want to go over that have come to my attention after the fact especially since various people have reached out to me wanting examples on how to approach these types of situations. I also want to lay out exactly why some of us may not be as willing to continue educating in the future due to how things happened.

So lets start from the beginning. The very first time I ever mentioned the fact that Papi is a term of endearment on this blog was a literal four years ago. Someone asked if I would call someone daddy sexually and I talk about how they may perceive it as being sexual if I were to say papi because that’s just something that I say, but it’s a term of endearment. You can find that post here

I mentioned it again two years ago on a post here when someone asked how the Mayans would feel being called Papi and then again in that same year 2018 which you can find here

Then once more a year ago regarding Coco being called papi that you can find here

So this is not something new. I’ve been fighting against this for years, its just that in the last month or so I’ve grown tired. Nearly five years of trying to explain and and teach and educate and reason and nothing changes. The only reason I believe it changed now is because I had to be forceful and direct about it and other Latinas fought with me. Now, I’ve spoken about the papi thing various times this week, but yesterday and the way before was where it got the most air time because other Latinx people in this fandom opened up to me about the way that it’s affecting their personal lives.

Here’s the thing: google is free. Media in the form of books, podcasts, films and more that detail the Latinx Diaspora, can be accessed for free. Educating yourself can be done for free. It is not our responsibility nor any other POC’s responsibility to educate the masses. If we do, its because we want to make a difference. So counting on us to teach you right from wrong is a lot to ask and we shouldn’t have to carry that weight, but willingly some of us do. We don’t have to but we do, because we want to try and make our spaces better places. Regardless, if you say that you don’t know and someone enlightens you, the ball is in your court. I made posts going over why calling Latin men either real or fictional papi is problematic, cringy, and inappropriate at on the 8th, 9th, and 10th. Three days in a row. Then yesterday at 10pm I went over it again by reblogging another post. At around 12 am this is a tag on a picture of Clayton

Again, portraying papi as meaning daddy in a sexual sense. Around 10-20 minutes later, someone politely tried to correct her and give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just didn’t know, even though we know she did, and this is the response

So right there she ignored education once more and then deadass went out of her way to find a gif (ironically of a Latinx woman who is from PR and also uses it as a term of endearment) to use the word out of spite and say that us speaking out about fetishization of our people is “stupid as fuck”. A slap to the face. But that’s not all. When approached again when she’s had time to think and acknowledge the issue, here’s the response:

Why try to guilt trip and reverse psychology? No one said not to write, we said stop writing fetishizing work. And when the guilt tripping doesn’t work, that’s when the vilifying and demonizing starts:

“Attack” “being attacked” anytime POC stand up for themselves after being ignored, suddenly were painted as mean, aggressive, attacking, etc. Pay attention to the language used. Now who got reckless at the mouth first? Because it wasn’t us. Then there’s this:

Says she doesn’t get the issue and then later proceeds to explain that she can’t call her own father daddy because of how sexualized the word daddy is. So she does understand but it suddenly doesn’t compute when the word is now spanish...🤔

We all tried to teach her but because we’re Latinas, it was attacking when we did it and enlightening when someone not Latinx but Spanish did (and I’m thankful that you did sweetpea!) Another reason why it’s important for those not in the Latinx community to help us out in addressing these issues. Plenty of people will disregard Latinos yet listen to people outside of the community and respect them but not us 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apologizes to someone who explained to her what she did wrong but doesn’t apologize to the people she ridiculed, disregarded and tried to vilify.

All in all I just want this to be a learning curve. More of y’all than I was expecting came to our defense and not only held it down for us but used your own voices and platforms to make sure that ours were heard. That’s an ally, and we’re thankful for y’all more than I think y’all realize 🙏🏼🤍

@likedovesinthewnd @awildcur

#support latinx writers #support latina writers #support POC writers #meta discussions

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nothorses · 3 years

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I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!

#trans #transmasc #transgender #ftm #nonbinary #the 'transmascs are overrepresented' argument is also provably false #there are about 1/3 the amount of trans male characters in film and tv that there are trans female #and thats being generous #its very clearly an issue of hypervisibility v invisibility and both groups struggle in different ways!#harlequincy

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autismisaokay · 4 years

Text

As a fair warning this post is a time where I break my NSFW rule because it has to do about my body and health. So as a warning I will be talking about some heavy stuff.

I wasn’t sure when there was going to be a good time to really bring this up. A while back I brought up that I was doing research on trans man. Lately I’ve also been reblogging some trans support and resources. I just got a question asking if I was trans and the answer is, yes I’m a man. More specifically I’m a trans man.

Honestly this whole process has been just that a process and it’s no where near from being done. I’ve been terrified to bring this up for multiple reasons that I can’t even list all here. I was going to wait until I was on T before I started to really choose. However my insurance won’t pay for my HRT until I have a psych eval and I’ve been living as a man (again without T) for 12 months. An people have really started to pick it up irl and it was only a matter of time until people started to figure it out here.

This hasn’t been fun for me and I had to come out twice in the span of three days to my mother. Who says she will not respect my pronouns or my name until I’ve gotten them legally changed and gotten the psych eval. (The fact I also need to do a psych eval in the first place is really degrading to me) She also told me that since I never played with trucks as a kid or didn’t show signs to her that I can’t be trans. She would have accepted me if I had shown the signs early on and she knows trans people and I can’t be one. I tried telling her I was scared and I hid it. She also told me that my grandmother knows and my grandmother asks that I, “Please wait until she dies.” To transition or else this will be the thing that kills her and she doesn’t have long left anyway. My grandmother was my first best friend in the world and I thought would be until the day she died and the family member I was closest to. I’ve also been told by my mother that I’m being selfish and that the rest of my family wouldn’t accept this. Which I told her I understood.

My mom thinks I’m doing this for attention, I got caught up in one of my “phases”, and because it’s a “internet trend.” When I told her this is who I am she said that, “this is who I am” is the buzzword for the trans internet right now and to try again and give her another reason other than that. She also believes being trans is a trend right now. Which is another reason why I was scared to come out here. I know a lot of people are transitioning here and I was horrified of looking like I was doing this for attention or trying to take attention away.

She wants me to go to my endo appointment and an eval and she says she’ll only accept this unless they do because “she has to” at that point. She doesn’t want to do any of this and in order for me to get any respect I have to hold her hand. I understand she’s grieving a child but I feel like my whole family just died and she kinda confirmed they did, metaphorically.

This is my coming out letter I wrote that I got to read the second time I came out that I couldn’t read to her the first time. I think it will help explain what I’ve been going through.

“I’ve been receiving a variety of questions on my appearance and mental health from multiple people. “Why did you change things up?” Or, “What’s been going on with me?” Lately I have had a lot of time to consider seriously what I’ve wanted out of life as well as my identity as a whole. What could make and, in many ways, would make me the happiest. To put it bluntly, I figured out I’m a man. I ask that you please save all questions or comments until the end of what I have said, thank you.

There was this over looming anxiety I couldn’t quite put together throughout the process of figuring this out. There was this “entity” we will call it, I had always put to the side or hid for years. Because in the end I didn’t even really have a discernible answer for it. And if I could keep pushing this to the side, it must not be that big of a deal or even affect me that badly. I would always find, or was, in some sort of distraction to keep from digging any deeper into my identity then I was ready for.

When I discovered I’m autistic for the first time for a while it seemed to solve many of my questions, and I was able to put things to bed for a while. Until those self-reflective questions, feelings, and thoughts on who I am woke up in a panicked scream again a couple of years later. Yet I still tried metaphorically placing a pillow over its head to try and force it all “back to bed.” I repeated this cycle again and again, and each time events in my life would cause those questions and feelings to resurface. Becoming worse and worse each time, until I finally had to sit down and face this.

What are these questions though you are probably asking yourself at this point? They are as follows in no order that I’ve asked myself throughout my life, and yes some even in childhood. Why have I always been so self-conscious about my image? Why did my body feel so disgusting and wrong other than inability to love myself? Why did I feel like I had too much of some parts and too little of others? Why was I angry that my voice would not get any deeper? Why did I imagine myself wearing suits but was too scared to do and say so and pushed it aside? Why did the way I pee not feel right? Why when I drew myself as a boy growing up did it feel so good but so bad enough to hide it? Why did I secretly go on boy’s puberty sites as a teenager and feel like it was a game of connecting the dots when anything matched with the boys? Why were the dreams I had as a boy feel so natural?

It all came to one answer, I am a man.

To be honest, I didn’t understand any of this fully or was able to come to terms with this up until the end of March of this year. I had always been trying to do the best with what I was given, in fact I wanted to. Somethings that are perceived as “girly” by certain people I even enjoy which made things doubly confusing. I thought I was just over blowing things and that for a while being autistic seemed to explain many things, but not everything. Or that I had penis envy, or I didn’t think highly enough of girls and that made me bad. More than anything I was afraid to come to these realizations in fear of what people would think or what would happen. Or that it would be dismissed away, which really scared me. To figure out something as immense as this and not be able to maybe finally be more comfortable and know myself better. That terrified me.

Due to the misunderstandings of trans individuals I feared I would be thought of as a pervert. I even came to think that I was one for being this way. I feared being thought of as incompetent to decide this for myself due to being autistic. A pulsating fiery raging scream stayed buried deep in the pit of my stomach from these thoughts.I started to experiment, to be more certain of coming to terms with this.

I did research and made things like a starter packer. Which are socks bunched together to make a bulge shape like a penis and testes to wear. This gave me enough euphoria to know I wanted more. So, I bought myself a packer (a silicone prosthetic) and something called a STP (Stand To Pee device). Which gave me so much euphoria I cried the first time I used my STP because it felt so right. At that time, I was speaking with Julia (therapist) to help sort me through this journey since around late March early April. I went on to buy men’s pants and undergarments and cut off all my hair and bought a binder. (Safely compresses my breasts) In addition, I also chose my name and came out to some friends who accepted me and used my correct pronouns. With Julia’s aid she also advised me the biggest thing I could do right now is speak with the community. So, I did and since then I’ve found an online support group and a local support group that I’ve been going to meetings for. It’s helped me place myself and instead of feeling like I didn’t belong I felt like things made more sense in many regards.

I still have many other fears and adversities I will continue to face while living as my true self. One of the things that has really challenged me is that I feel like my words do not have any bearing anymore advocating for autistic people who identify as girls. Now that I’m coming out as a man. As much as I know I’m a man I feel like I’m a bad person for identifying this way since there’s so much stuff out there saying that men are toxic, trash, and unfeeling. And I’m trying to learn how to best be a good and responsible man in this world.

The real me has always been out there and I’d like to be able to live my life the way I was meant to. As a man and on my way to medically transitioning. I am saying all of this because I care, and I want to be able to finally get this out of my system and help elevate this confusion to the best of my ability.

My name is Ren Jason P***, I’m your son, big brother, grandson, friend, colleague, classmate, autistic advocate, and fellow human being. Please don’t turn away the little boy and man, who shouldn’t be dictated by a body he didn’t ask for.

As Princess BubbleGum says:

“People get built different.”

“We don’t need to figure it out. We just need to respect it.” “

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #trans #transgender #trans man #trans guy #trans dude #ftm #personal #private parts #trigger #trigger warning

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takaraphoenix · 3 years

Note

I didn't notice there was a new ask game! 😱😍

1 for your very first fandom

11 and 14 for whichever you choose

And

13, but it can't be Percy Jackson or Jace Herondale! ❤️

Aw, thanks for playing! And heh, funny considering I reblogged that one from you, actually. xDDD

1. First ship you remember

Depends on how we count. Like, first non-canon ship I remember sailing? That would be Shere Khan/Bagheera from Jungle Book, though more so through Jungle Cubs.

First one I remember actively reading fics for, really engaging in...? More hazy on that. It's been a hot minute and I think I dove head first into multiple things, but I distinctively remember the first fandom I read for was One Piece, which doesn't narrow it down too much because I had a whole lot of ships in that fandom back in the day. Probably Zoro/Luffy or Smoker/Ace.

The first one I engaged with by writing for? That would be Kaiba/Joey from Yu-Gi-Oh!. That was the first fandom I really made myself an active part of.

11. Ship that you would never have wanted in canon but like in fanworks

Oh, that's a lot. I generally prefer my ships in fanon over canon. I hold canon to a different standard than fanon, because fandom spaces are where you deliberately seek out the things you want and can avoid uncomfortable ships or themes. Canon is forced down your throat and canon takes actual influence on the people engaging with it, on a far broader reach than fanfiction ever could. So while I love, love, love my gods/Percy ships in fanon for example, I loathe, loathe, loathe that Riordan actually made some teenagers end up with gods because I think the "really old immortal wants to shag a kid" thing is a dangerous trope to promote in canon materials aimed at impressionable youths, who already perceive themselves as more mature than they really are and who feel validated through this nonsense.

12. Character that you can only imagine in one ship

Interesting one. As a notorious multishipper, there aren't many of those. None among the characters I am very deeply invested in.

I'd say someone like a Grover Underwood, where the canon endgame is pretty nice and means I don't have to "do the work", aka set up any ships or anything and can just take it as face value, it's nice enough so I accept it and he has been deeply friendzoned so I don't ship him with my most shippable boy *cough* Percy *cough* either.

(At which point I noticed you said 14, not 12. But now I formulated that already sooo it stays in xDDD)

14. Character that you can’t imagine in any ship

That'd be a Valentine Morgenstern or a Gabe Ugliano; characters whose entire purpose is to be abusive parents and partners. Go die in a ditch, I don't want you anywhere near any potential romantic partner.

13. Most shippable character

Well now, that is very rude of you. You can't ask me for my most shippable character and then literally forbid me from picking my two most shippable characters. xDDD

So my third most shippable character then, huh. Let me crosscheck my list...

Okay, so, back in the olden days, my first fandom where I got DEEP into, I had my fave too, the one I shipped with essentially everyone. And that'd be Rei Kon. I had Tony Stark in the Marvel fandom for a hot minute, but I have moved on from that fandom too. I don't multiship very excessively in DC, I kinda have my set ships in that fandom, so that's out too.

I suppose, the only one that I am still also very invested in who would qualify would be Monkey D. Luffy? I am still invested in all the Luffy ships I ever had and I love this anime still.

Fandom Ship Ask Game

#One Piece #Shadowhunters #PJOverse #Jungle Book #Shipping #Fandom Ship Ask Game #send me asks

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reinetulpamoved99999 · 3 years

Text

Responding to @hellamella77 's questions for endogenic systems! Our system is mixed origin, and I (Reine, a tulpa) am working with the host to answer these! Feel free to talk to us and ask us further questions, however this blog is not for syscourse. Responses are under the cut!

I also ran out of room, so this will be continued in a reblog!

1. What kind of system are you?

We've agreed that we're mixed origin! As a reflex, I would call us endogenic, although reconsidering, not all of us comfortably fit under that term.

2. How many of you are there?

Six, including me and the host. Although I suspect we have more members that we can't communicate with.

3. How long have you known about your plurality?

Loaded question! Roughly, I was created on and off during 2018, but the host focused on creating me late 2019 to early 2020. From then we found/gained more members. However, one of our members say he has been around for years before that.

4. What kind of spaces/communities do you/did you hang out in?

5. Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality?

Yes! Someone who is close with the host has DID and told him before he created me. However, when he found out about tulpas he didn't connect them in the slightest.

6. Do you have a wonderland? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there?

We do! Right now its just "the headspace" and for the most part its works as a place to hang out, help with meditation, visualisation, and some other things. Some like swimming there, going off and doing their own thing, and playing. I do pretty much everything in there, especially cooking and gardening.

7. What do you call your system members?

Usually by their name! Jokes aside, usually just headmates, as the brain is dyslexic and gets alters/altars confused. If I'm not comfortable revealing their identity, I might give them titles such as syskid or nicknames like C.

8. If you're plural but don't use the word "system" to describe you&, what word do you use?

For the most part we use system, but considered changing to 'Constellation' since it's a cute, aesthetic name. This however gets difficult since system is a universal (;)) term, and the habit never stuck.

9. What are some of the best things about being plural?

It's an unique experience! Obviously, for me, I wouldn't exist, but I also believe it's an effective coping mechanism for us, exercises the brains ability to process things, and helps when we can't access therapy.

10. What are some of the not-so-great things about being plural?

Due to plurality being so personalised, sometimes things just start happening without a conceivable answer (which can be stressful since our brain is autistic and wants a solid answer,) which is about 40% of the issues. The other 40% is syscourse, worried about faking, etc. 20% probably falls under small things that are easy to fix.

11. Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality?

Mixed! While the host and most other headmates (the ones who care, that is,) have a psychological view, I see it as both. I personally believe that I was brought here to help the host and that I am from a place beyond his mind, however also understand his mind has a hand in forming into how he perceives me.

12. Do you ever experience switching? If so, what do you call it, how difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time?

We call it switching or fronting since possession has negative connotations. Some of us can switch at the drop of a hat, some have triggers, some can't, and some (me) struggle switching. Switching doesn't come easy with me and mostly comes when the host is drunk. However, we have done some training which has been improving our ability! I can now control the hands/arms with prior meditation.

13. How do you and your system mates relate to each other?

Depends on the headmate! For our syskid I'm a parent/guardian, our protector I'm a friend (or annoyance- either way of platonically love them ^^), for the host I'm a source of comfort and close friend. We don't see each other as family for the most part, but generally get along.

#endogenic #actuallyendogenic #system #plural #endovoices #tulpa #tulpamancy #tulpavoices #tulpa positivity #endo positivity #part 1 #reines post

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spyderfyngers · 3 years

Text

Tagged by: @slushiepuff

1. Why did you choose your url? I have very long, thin fingers.

2. Any side blogs? I used to run @thesmithslooklikerentboys-b-blog but then a famous photographer took umbrage and I had to stop. I also run @politenoticesbypriests.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? Too goddamn long. I am 4000 years old. I saw the Hindenberg burn.

4. Do you have a queue tag? I can’t even organise my sock drawer.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? I was doing my MA and it was a displacement activity. People were leaving Livejournal and it seemed like an interesting way to waste time.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? Eyeballs are cool. I think it’s from an alchemical text.

7. Why did you choose your header? I don’t have one.

8. What’s your post with the most notes? Probably a picture of Lenny from The Young Pope. I don’t fancy Jude Law but it turns out quite a lot of people do.

9. How many mutuals do you have? Not a clue. Is there even a way to find out?

10. How many followers do you have? 262.

11. How many people do you follow? 372.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? When I ran @thesmithslooklikerentboys-b-blog I sometimes did, because I only ever remembered the blog existed when I was high on pain medication.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day? I drop in once or twice. I swore off it for a few years because scrolling = obsessive behaviour for me.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? As I say, I’m 4000 years old. I save all my ire for the Mongol Empire.

15. How do u feel about “u need to reblog this” posts? Unless it’s a really good picture of a frog, I ignore it.

16. Do you like tag games? I think this is the first one I’ve done.

17. Do you like ask games? Do not attempt to perceive me.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I know some talented artists who probably get a lot of attention, but I assume Tumblr famous means “went to prison for stalking the Sherlock guy” or something. Oh, or Bone Thief Girl. Yeah, no one wants to be Tumblr famous.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? I had an emotion once, in 1992.

20. Tags feel free to ignore: @elfgrandfather @therealmoni

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tailsisfluffy · 3 years

Note

Can u do 12 and 14 for shun x ikumi pls? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

I am SO sorry that this particular ask took so long to do! I really hope you like it.

Also, in case you forgot, which is reasonable, this is from the “Romantic One Liner” post I reblogged a while back.

Ikumi always thought Shun was unique.

Her other companions were all special in their own way, and she loved them all dearly.

But the smoke master was different.

Maybe because he really was different from all the rest of their friends. He was the quiet and almost emotionless one while everyone else was almost the opposite.

Or maybe it was how he rarely beat around the bush when he wanted to speak, which was something Ikumi liked.

Or maybe it was the way how he didn’t make a big deal when she something new with her wardrobe. He would just compliment her and continue on with what he was doing at the time.

Or maybe it was the way he glared at the people who would catcall her. The worst ones would somehow end up in a Shokugeki with him.

Or maybe it was because he would not judge her when she couldn’t contain her fascination with a really cute plushie. And would not take no for an answer when he ended up buying it for her.

Or maybe it was just because the way he smelled. It would always be a smoky smell, but she liked the way his scent would change depending on the type of material he used that time.

But she was sure with one thing. Something she would tell him occasionally. Something that she would only admit when he was cuddling her and had fallen asleep. Only then she would whisper:

“Sometimes, being with you feels like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from.”

----

Shun first caught Ikumi’s concern after the Autumn Elections.

He had been holed up in his room during the party, not coming to join until Yuki dragged him out by the collar of his sweater. He then drank as much rice juice as he could with Zenji before falling asleep in a quiet corner of the room. At the time, Ikumi thought not much of it. She had also been bitter about the results. If it hadn’t been for Soma’s invitation to the party, she would be back home carving some meat to let out frustration. She probably would have joined him if she wasn’t still upset about what had happened on the balcony with Shoji and Daigo trying to put sauce on a nice cut of meat.

But this was the first time she felt on the same wavelength as him.

And she continued to feel the same way. Especially when she found out he suffered a loss. Their friends knew when he did, as he would hole himself up in his room. As dorm parties rarely lined up with those days of defeat, he would usually not be dragged out to socialize.

Ikumi would not leave him alone, though.

“We’re the same, you and I.” She told him, ignoring the smoke that slowly filled his retreat. She was used to it, as she was used to the quiet yet passionate aura he carried around him.

“Are we?” Shun growled. She nodded, walking closer to where he was standing.

“We don’t want to talk about our feelings because it would make us seem weak.”

His hands paused as his head turned in her direction.

“I know how it is to be perceived as strong. We have to, or else people will walk all over us. Or they would scold us for not being mature enough to handle our emotions.” She continued, now next to him by his small stove. The smoke was thicker here, but Ikumi made sure that her voice cut through it. “But even the strongest people need someone to rely on from time to time.”

“Is this a roundabout way to get me to talk?” Even though Shun’s tone was even, she knew all too well the signs of defense.

“More of a warning.” She told him. “You’ll hit the ground pretty hard if you are too strong. I know from experience.” One of her tanned hands curled around his arm. “And to keep that from happening to you, I will remind you of something.”

“And that’s…”

“You can always talk to me, I will always be here for you.”

#asks #ibusaki shun #mito ikumi #food wars #shokugeki no soma

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

Text

REFLECTIONS Answer the following questions:

What is the single best thing that happened in the past year?

2015: The beginning of the fall semester when I grew a lot more confidence

2016: Studied abroad

2017: Graduated

2018: Moved into the B Flat

2019: Got a boyfriend

2020: Got a car

2. What is the most challenging thing that happened to you in 2015/16/17/18/19/20?

2015: Getting over Marble maybe

2016: Getting over Hawaii

2017: Making my 4500 film

2018: The music videos I did

2019: Deciding whether to date my now boyfriend

2020: The entire pandemic

3. What thing did you learn the most from this year?

2015: Hawaii and Marble

2016: My film class

2017: Also my film class

2018: My film jobs and internships

2019: Starting a relationship

2020: I guess the pandemic

4. What is the kindest thing you did this year?

2015: I don’t think I’m the one to ask, you’d have to ask people who perceived kindness

2016: Same

2017: Same

2018: Same

2019: Same

2020: Wore a mask

5. Did you lose any close family member this year?

2015: Nope

2016: No

2017: No

2018: My great aunt died

2019: No close ones, but my grandma’s dementia is getting so bad she doesn’t remember who I am

2020: No

6. Pick three words to describe 2015/16/17/18/19/20.

2015: A learning experience

2016: Single, senior, band

2017: Senior to graduate

2018: Almost an adult

2019: Another year older

2020: Covid, long, stagnant

7. What did you do in 2015/16/17/18/19/20 that you never did before?

2015: Got further than I ever had in my love life

2016: Studied abroad

2017: Moved into a house with roommates

2018: Moved in with male roommates, did an internship

2019: Got a boyfriend

2020: Bought a car

8. Did you keep last year’s resolutions? What were they?

2015: Here we go. Put one happy moment from each day into a jar: YES. Go to the gym regularly: Doing better but still could use improvement. Get a summer job: Yes. Make an effort to eat breakfast: Haha nope. Make an effort to look pretty: About the same as last year. Talk to people more and appear more confident: Yes. Find things to be excited about: Not as much as I want. Find a boyfriend: NOPE. Write more: Not really. Read more: Maybe a little. Have adventures: Some, but not as much as I would like. Initiate things: Yes. Use “I” more: Yes. Be less mean to myself: Yes. Overthink less: No, still working on that. Be proud of myself for trying my best but accept not being perfect: I guess. Take responsibility: More. Be positive and enthusiastic: Still working on it. Carpe diem: Not enough.

2016: I can’t remember lol

2017: I can’t remember what I wrote. Here’s what I’ll do: write my 2018 resolutions so that when I reblog this next year I will know:

2018: Be more adventurous: Maybe? Overthink and strategize less: HA not really. Get a film job: Yes. Eat more vegetables: Maybe a little but still not enough. Go to the gym, like, ever: Yes. Read more: Kinda. Finish my Harry Potter spellbook: Not yet.

2019: Get a boyfriend: Finally did! Be more spontaneous and adventurous: Kinda? Sometimes? Lose weight and eat better: Nope. Read more books: Nope. Finish my Harry Potter spellbook: Not yet. Learn how to work hard: Not really. Spend more time with my friends: Kinda. Love myself, and be someone I love: Not really. Carpe diem: Sometimes. Keep doing the moment calendar and journal: Yes. Earn more money than I spend: Nope. Travel: Yes. Discover new music: Yes. Try new creative things: Yes. Believe in myself: Not really. Learn to be a leader: Nope. Watch more movies: Some. Think about other people: Tried to. Learn how to make mistakes: Kinda.

2020: Get a new job: No. Lose weight and fit into my dresses again: Noope, the opposite. Read more books: A couple. Spend more time with friends: Haha, nope, although I did zoom with them some. Go on dates: Not really. Keep doing the moment calendar and journal: Yes. Try new creative things: Yes, I tried dice making. Take risks even if they cost money: Yes, again the dice making. Make more money than I spend: Actually yes with the stimulus. Make jewelry: Some, and opened and etsy page. Get back to people in a timely manner: So-so. Be more punctual: Nope. Finish my harry potter spellbook and keep up with my character book: Nope. Learn new things: Not enough. Be the kind of person I wish I could be: No. Be more open to ideas: No. Post more pictures online: No. Don’t be such a control freak: Not even a little bit. Worry less about what people think: Kinda. Laugh more: No.

2021 resolutions: Get an interesting job. Get my own apartment. Get a covid vaccine. Lose weight. Keep doing my sticky notes and moment calendar. Be less hard on myself. Survive.

9. Did you travel to any interesting places in 2015/16/17/18/19/20?

2015: Went to Las Vegas for my birthday and California with the band and Kentucky to see Paul McCartney.

2016: Went to Italy, went on band trips to California and Texas

2017: Went to London with my mom, went to New Orleans for my cousin’s wedding and hooked up with my 6th grade crush, went to Wyoming for the solar eclipse

2018: Went to Las Vegas for a film shoot

2019: Went to Israel

2020: Went to Harry Potter World in Orlando with my boyfriend

10. What would you like to have in 2016/17/18/19/20/21 that you lacked in 2015/16/17/18/19/20?

2015: A BOYFRIEND HAHAHA

2016: Still a boyfriend lmao fml

2017: Still a boyfriend but one that I feel satisfied with. I’m not sure if I’m there with Guacamole. Also he’s not even my boyfriend yet

2018: Still a boyfriend lmao

2019: An interesting job (finally got the boyfriend!)

2020: A job, an apartment, and a vaccine

11. Do you even believe in new year’s resolutions? Why or why not?

2015: I think they are a good idea, for reflection as much as goals.

2016: Maybe. Idk

2017: Yeah it’s a good idea

2018: It’s always good to try to better yourself and it gives you motivation to do it

2019: It’s a good idea for goals

2020: It’s good to make goals and remind yourself what to work on

12. Do you believe that 2015/16/17/18/19/20 had an reoccurring theme for you? If so, which theme and why?

2015: No more than any other year really

2016: More like my entire life has a recurring theme of being single af

2017: Not really

2018: Boys I like having girlfriends

2019: Macy’s

2020: Covid

13. Do you feel like 2015/16/17/18/19/20 went by too fast?

2015: No

2016: It went a little fast, especially now that I’m about to graduate

2017: Not really

2018: Not really, but maybe my youth went too fast

2019: It went by too fast for how much I accomplished

2020: It went by way too slow

14. Did you fall in love with any new artists during the year 2015/16/17/18/19/20? List them.

2015: I fell back in love with Taylor Swift

2016: Collabro

2017: Anastasia the Musical cast, and Hamilton is growing on me

2018: A bunch of musicals

2019: My musicals playlist on spotify has Rent, Dear Evan Hansen, Legally Blonde, Galavant, Hamilton, A Star Is Born, Frozen 2

2020: Fell more in love with taylor Swift, and Come From Away

15. Brag about two of your accomplishments in 2015/16/17/18/19/20.

2015: I made a couple cool music videos, and I lost some weight after increasing my gym attendance.

2016: I made a short film, Pancakes, with a full crew. I got straight A’s in the spring.

2017: I graduated and I made another short film

2018: I worked on two film shoots and I got promoted at work

2019: I stayed in touch with friends I made on a film shoot, and I got a boyfriend

2020: Bought a car and was the costume designer for a TV pilot

16. What was your favorite movie that came out this year?

2015: The Martian

2016: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

2017: Coco

2018: A Star Is Born

2019: Rocketman

2020: None of them were really memorable

17. Fill in the blank: In 2016/17/18/19/20/21 I will ____________.

2015: Get the confidence back that I had in the fall

2016: Graduate college

2017: Start looking for film jobs

2018: Find myself

2019: Find a new job

2020: Survive, please

18. If you could fly anywhere in the world in 2016/17/18/19/2021, where would you go?

2015: Italy, and I plan to!

2016: London, and I plan to

2017: Scotland or Ireland, and I don’t have any plans to

2018: Maybe that Israel birthright thing

2019: Maybe Ireland or Amsterdam

2020: Wherever has the least amount of covid. Of course that probably means they wouldn’t let me in

19. What was your biggest regret of 2015/16/17/18/19/20?

2015: Worrying about the future when I had something good rather than just enjoying it

2016: Not trying enough in making friends and making the most out of it

2017: Maybe not getting quite enough out of college

2018: Forgetting or never quite learning how to work hard. That and not asking a cute guy out in time

2019: Not buying that moonstone necklace

2020: Gaining weight

20. Do you think you’ll be having a better 2016/17/18/19/20/21 than 2015/16/17/18/19/20?

2015: I hope so

2016: I hope so

2017: I hope so

2018: I hope so and I think so

2019: I sure hope so

2020: I fucking hope so

21. Did you make any new friends this year? Lose any friends?

2015: I got closer with some friends :)

2016: I made some new band and film friends. One of my friends from freshman year died.

2017: I almost lost a friend but now we seem to be friends again. I also made some new ones

2018: I made some new ones, and kinda stopped being friends with some of my old roommates

2019: I think I got closer to some friends

2020: I met a few online playing among us, and I probably lost my roommates

22. What was the biggest adventure of the last year?

2015: Hawaii, I think

2016: Studying abroad

2017: Moving out and starting to adult

2018: The film shoots

2019: Dating my boyfriend

2020: Harry Potter World

23. Did you get cake on your birthday? Presents? What you wanted?

2015: Yeah I went to Vegas which was cool! Got cake and alcohol and presents

2016: I did not get cake but I got IHOP. I got presents, and the football team won the game that day sending us to the PAC 12 Championship

2017: I got pancakes, presents, and maybe I’m starting to get what I wanted?

2018: I got chocolate mousse and presents and I didn’t even know what I wanted

2019: I got cake and presents including one thing I wanted

2020: I got bundt cake and a few things from my wish list

24. How much did you change this year? What’s different about you?

2015: Not too much has changed but I think I’m prettier, more confident, braver, and value bravery more.

2016: I’m lazier, gained back the weight that I lost last year, and lost some of the confidence from last year. Wow…

2017: I’m not a student anymore

2018: I maybe lost some of my hope in my love life and felt more set in my ways

2019: I don’t have as much FOMO but I’m also getting more frustrated with my life

2020: Gained weight, got more anxiety

CONFESSIONS

Bold the statements that are true (2015) and cross out (2016) and italicize (2017) and I’m running out of formats so CAPS (2018) and *star (2019) and ~tilde (2020)

In the year 2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020 I confess that I….

KISSED SOMEONE I HAVE NEVER KISSED BEFORE. ~*DID SOMETHING I REGRET. *Painted a picture. *Dyed my hair. Got a new haircut I thought I’d never get before. Wrote a poem. Graduated from High School. Graduated from College. Applied for Graduate School. RAN A MILE. Ate much healthier. Ended toxic friendships. ~*GAINED A NEW FRIEND. Gained a new best friend. *Visited a foreign country. ~*LIED. ~*HAD A FIGHT WITH MY PARENTS. *HAD A SECRET/KEPT A SECRET. Realized my homosexuality. ~REALIZED MY BISEXUALITY. (OR AT LEAST QUESTIONED IT) Realized my pansexuality. Realized my asexuality. ~*Broke a promise. *Slept under the stars. ~*STAYED UP TILL SUNRISE. ~*PUSHED SOMEONE AWAY. ~*Got in a fight. SLEPT WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER. ~*ATTENDED A PARTY. Got dumped. Got a new piercing/tattoo. Learned that I wasn’t cis gender. Drank underage/used illegal substances. *ATTENDED A CONCERT. *ATTENDED A MUSICAL. ~*TRAVELED TO ANOTHER CITY. *Broke someone’s heart. *Hiding something from someone. ~*MADE SOMEONE’S DAY. Cheated on a test/homework. Physically cheated on my significant other. ~*Emotionally cheated on my significant other. ~Quit a job. GOT A NEW JOB. Learned to hate someone I thought I never would. Learned to be more patient. Saw the supermoon. ~SAW THE METEOR SHOWER.

#survey #new years

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jhordxn · 5 years

Text

✨Greetings, friends! ✨

I am officially opening my Paid services!

I ask that you read over this entire post before requesting a reading. Thank you!

✨☀️🌕✨☀️🌕✨☀️🌕✨☀️🌕✨☀️🌕✨

What services will you offer, what about price?

Tarot Readings: deck in use

will not charge extra for cards that jump out!

One card pull - $5

Any question, so long as it follows my Guidelines below. If unsure what to ask, you can just request whatever you need to know at this time. Similar to my previous free readings— except more thorough and detailed!

Two Card Spread - $7 for each spread.

Block & Help: Your current blockage and what can be done to overcome it.

Fear & Reality: Your present fears vs. your actual reality.

Heal & Lesson: What occurred, and what lesson you learned/should learn.

Three Card Spread - $9 for each spread.

Incarnation: Past, Present, Future.

Evolution: Past life, Current life, Future life.

Destiny: You, Your path, Your potential.

Spirit: You, Your Spirit Guide, How to connect.

Romance: Your strengths, Your weaknesses, The advice.

Overcome: The situation, The obstacle, The advice.

LoveBirds: Your dynamic, Your partner’s dynamic, What to work on.

Spirit Guide Messages:

Can be bought along with your Tarot purchase or separately! I will not charge extra for more than one Guide coming through.

Guide(s) Message - $12

A message from your Spirit Guide(s): you may ask one question. If unsure what to ask, you can just request whatever you need to hear right now. I’ll include their name(s) as well, if it’s available, at no extra cost!

Guide(s) Description- $10

I channel any Guide(s) of yours wishing to come through and give you a thorough description of them as they appear. I’ll include their name(s) too, if it’s available, at no extra cost!

Spirit Guide Bundle Deal - $16

You receive both the Guide(s) message along with the description of your Guide(s) who come through— along with their name(s), if it’s available, at no extra cost!

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How may I ask for a Paid Reading?

You may ask for a reading of your choice via Direct Message only, I will not accept requests through Ask Box. In your Direct Message I will provide you with additional information such as:

What method of payment you wish to use (PayPal, CashApp, Venmo, Zelle).

When to expect your reading.

If you have your own tarot spread in mind, we can discuss pricing and if I’m able to do that.

And any additional questions you may have!

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How will I receive my reading?

Once your payment is finalized, your Reading(s) will be submitted through Direct Message as well; Everything will be done through there and there only.

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So, what do you allow & not allow in readings?

READ ALL OF THESE

These mainly are rules for the one card reading, since your question is your’s to ask, and it also applies to your Spirit Guide message, if you have a question to ask them as well. Nonetheless, all rules have to be followed, or else I will politely deny your reading request.

When you private message me, I need your first name, if that makes you uncomfortable then at least your initials. This helps me strengthen the connection & develop a more accurate reading for you.

I DO NOT DO: non-consenting third party questions. For example: “what does C think of me?” & “is J happy now?”. It never has felt right for me to tap into someone else’s personal energies. However I DO allow: “what is the energy between me and C?”, “what can I improve in our relationship?”, as for me these are less personal and more vague.

I DO NOT DO: Death related, medical related, financial related & legal related questions of any sorts. No exceptions.

I DO NOT DO: time sentive question. For example: “in THREE DAYS I’m doing ____, I need advice!!” & “When will I ___”. Why? Because for one, these really stress me out! Secondly, futures change!

DISCLAIMERS & OTHER THINGS TO NOTE:

I am Legally obligated to inform you that all readings that come from me are intended to offer energetic insight into your spiritual life and are utterly meant for entertainment purposes only.

I cannot & I will not promise that you will like what you hear. Do keep in mind that what comes through is out of my control; furthermore, I, like any reader, only deliver what Spirit communicates, no less & no more. Allow Spirit to give you what you are meant to hear.

Your Fate is in your hands and can be changed in an instant. To echo what I mentioned above, keep in mind these really are energy readings on your current setting, nothing is set in stone. You are a multi-dimensional being with unlimited amounts of free-will. You are far more powerful than you perceive.

All readings discussed stay confidential between me & you.

Reviews are heavily respected.

My Guidelines can be found anytime at #JhordxnReadings

Lastly, I realize not everyone can afford readings, so don’t worry, I don’t want anyone feeling left out. I will open free readings once in a while, but Paid Readings will be my main and only source for thorough & intricate readings!

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⭐️ Short gallery of previous Reviews ⭐️

💫 Cosmic Tip Jar 💫

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I look forward to reading for you!

If you can’t afford to buy a reading, please Reblog! It would help tremendously!

Love & Light to you all! 💛✨

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