DEATH: change, transformation, transition, endings, rebirth

THE FOOL: innocence, freedom, spontaneity, new beginnings

so i know it's incredibly unlikely, but if any of y'all are in South Australia, these are available to be tattooed (non-repeatable, a one-and-done situation.) bookings via Panko Tattoo. B&G, best suited to thigh and calf. 10% of all proceeds will be donated to the entertainment community fund to support the writers, actors, and creatives currently on strike. come get stabbed, sluts.

thank you so much to everyone, especially @transgenderpirate, who helped with these alignments!

I’ve seen a fad where people describe their original character’s personality with a few canon characters from different series.

What characters do you think you could combine to make Joelle?

☆꧁✬◦°˚°◦. ♠ ♣ ♥ ♦ .◦°˚°◦✬꧂☆ Thank you for the ask Mel! It actually took me a good amount of time to even decide upon who would be most fitting to build Joelle. Since she has some of my own self insert in her , but really which oc doesn't? It was kind of hard to decide xD But I think I've managed to collect the ones that are pretty relatable with my character. So here it goes!

Lucy - Elfen Lied If I have to be honest I've never would of thought upon how similar Joelle and Lucy stories are. I was never intending to have so many similarities with this specific characters until recently I stumbled upon a video that made me remember a bit more about the anime and how it played out. Lucy is a very interesting character , born with a 'sickness' ever since she was little kind of reminded me upon Joelle's origin as a pillar both past and present . Lucy has been bullied , barely knew any kind of friends and because of her 'sickness' everyone was after her because what she can cause with her powers , until she stumbled upon one that really liked her for who she was [Kind of gives me the possible Joseph or Rei vibes but without the romantic kind of intent that was implied in the story because Lucy did fall in love with her best friend.] She was brought into a lab to keep away from the outside world and experimented on , until she broke out and was given a chance for a second life regardless of what she had witnessed and did in her youth.

Ren Tao - Shaman King A few aspects that I can collect from Ren are the anger he has built for humanity that really matches with Joelle's story . Because when she ended up in the XPD facility where they did various of experiments on her and basically played her like a toy she began to pile up a lot of anger upon those people creating an image in her head that they were all the same . But after meeting with someone who opened her eyes to the world , she began to have another look upon things and wanted to try and move on and heal but also find a new purpose in life .

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist When ever I would look at Ed I could actually see a few aspects of Joelle as well , because of his own determination to fix what he has done in the past and return his brother back to his original body , reminds me of how Joelle wants to protect her new family and find a way to stop evil from prevailing . It also gives a pinch of hint upon how him and his brother were trying to bring back their mother , is a similarity upon how Joelle wanted to bring back her own mother but instead she ended up releasing a curse that later on haunts her , the same way Ed and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back and ended up creating a homunculus being. Sadly I haven't watched brotherhood and I really need to , but I'd assume I'd find even more similarities if I do so~. But I do however see a lot of pieces of Ed in Joelle!

Misaki Ayuzawa - Kaichou wa maid-sama This goes a bit on her emotional side to be honest. Misaki is a perfect representation of Joelle , a strong and very responsible individual and yearns for a piece of romance in her life that will assure her that they will stay with them for who they are . A perfect aspect of her Tsundere side because she is very conflicted and very confused when it comes to these sort of things. I absolutely adore her strong character and how she is able to handle so many responsibilities , reminds me upon her current position in the SpeedWagon foundation , a lot fear her because of how she would act and how her attitude just goes across the room, but a good amount also admire her when they get to know her personally and understand her better upon why she is the way she is , that she has a very gentle side to her.

Chise Hatori - Ancient Magus Bride Another little lost soul that was being sold to the world. Chise has always been one of my most favorite characters once I started the anime , the aspects of her that I see in Joelle are the growth she managed to accomplish with herself , she used to have a normal life a happy family , but eventually that turned around when 'dark beings' (which would hint the cults of Hearteater) began to make their way into their life and make it more dangerous to be around , and even the fact that her own 'blood and family' tried to kill her is the hint of her father that almost killed her. [But in the anime it was the mother that tried to.] She eventually ends up in good hands which help her see the world with different eyes and find who she really is and help her discover her own courage and determination that she wants to do better for herself and others around her .

Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho Little little shy Mob~. He was one of my main inspirations if I have to be honest because a lot matched with the two of them. This comes around her more doubtful and shy side. Mob is a perfect representation of both Joelle's moods , when she is sweet and respectful to a menace and a deadly being if they come near their family. Her relationship with Reigen matches with the one me and my friend Mel have with Joelle and Yorie . Let's not forget about how crazy batshid he went when they took his brother away and he was willing to do everything in his powers to save him... but there was also the fire in his house.. now that is basically the next level of Chapter Death in a sense. But for real there are a lot of aspects behind Mob that I connect with Joelle and how her character is displayed~.

Yuuji Itadori - Jujutsu Kaisen Yuji is the aspect of Joelle that exists kind of rare but it's still there , it's her little goofy side , but the amount of love for her friends and family is also there . His determination and courage to protect his new friends is the same as Joelle trying to protect her own regardless of what kind of burden both of them carry that can cause the destruction of the world, even if the the two of them might appear weak to most they would always throw themselves in danger to protect their loved ones , but later one begin to grow in personality and strength . Maybe I can even connect a tad bit Sukuna and Chapter Death because both are the representation of the final stage when the 'scary' takes over and would basically erase your existence . Yuji and His friends remind me a whole lot of Joelle and her own little crew and how each of them help each other and will always be there no matter what. Basically the hero that wants to save everyone and doesn't really care what happens to them , as long as everyone is safe .

Manjiro Sano and Ken Ryuguji - Tokyo Revengers These two go in pair ~. I see a big portion of aspects of the two in Joelle and each of them kind of represent her 'goofy' and her very serious and respect side. Mikey is a bit more laid back and chill but at the same time very scary , a bit how Joelle is in a sense how she can be so calm on certain occasions until she finally snaps and beats the crap of anyone who doubted her and called her 'small and helpless.' This is the aspect I enjoy the most between the two because they underestimate their opponent and then get their ass handed to them , that's how the two kind of go xD. Draken would be maybe her grown up and mature side in a way and the one that keeps things in line when ever there is justice that needs to be served because no one is allowed to hurt their friends and family. Very loyal and determined and even jump down to apologize for their wrongs to try and correct themselves and possibly help their friends understand the situation a little better , unless there is no way out they always try and reason first before jumping into action.

Nezuko Kamado - Demon Slayer / Kimetsu no Yaiba [New Add] I almost forgot!! Honestly I can't forget to include my favorite little goofball . Another little demon that I can see a lot of personality traits and aspects in Joelle as well. Nezuko and Tanjiro are also a good representation of both Jericho and Joelle in a sense because of how strong their bond is beyond anything . I don't want to spoil anything in my current arcs because I want to keep it a surprise since I have a whole lot of things to decide on . Nezuko displays Joelle's very protective side and very caring one as well the side of value she feels towards her surroundings and regardless of being a little 'different' she still is the same person no matter what happens and will never lose her humanity even after being 'cursed'. And even be a little bit of a hint of her sensitive and cute side too regardless that she doesn't show it too often xD.

Saitama - One Punch Man And last but not least , I put him on the bottom because at the beginning when I was creating Joelle I would always think of Saitama and how she was going to play out of sort of a joke that is really powerful and kind of blunt in a sense . But now she has grown so much and has so much potential , story and personality behind her that you can't even imagine! Saitama was maybe my very first inspiration when I created her because for some odd reason I really like OP shid and I mean literally xD. I don't know why but I just do , but regardless of Joelle being kind of OP orientated , later on when I began to play out her story I started to balance her because I wanted her to seem a bit more real other than I just came here to kick your ass and you're dead now lmfao. She still has some funny little aspects of Saitama behind her that's for sure , but she is completely different now and I am super proud of what a long journey she has gone through and grown so much as a character ^ ^. Thank you so much for sending in dear!!I really enjoyed this ask <333!! - Cards

BLUBBER BATH[E][ING] BATTLEFIELD/BOOGIE-WOOGIE - Joshua Martin

blubber bath[e][ing] battlefield

mused yet another alas P.S. could aware a science letter [drop the invitation, translator helmet, dandruff baseball threatens, a disappointment] truth inferno aardvark favorite law [book, disadvantage, curfew] litter an impersonal font less sooooo remember print[ed] become a study [vet, boring, PSSST, mailbag, sync a yellow factory] look out chicken the door is getting sleepy actually attacks an also badge recent a captor [caverns pixel veggies, blobby, stray, organism proof, because drives suspicion] age of ruthless contents zipper [zapped] hypnosis half a running start [platypus, patron of lost groaning] gravity has a blue period a hug jumbo orbiting expression [cubism called & wants to extreme, sulfuric acid clouds, presumably melted, assured launch] wrapping roving canvas sparks cicadas aboveground baby crawl at once screeching spotted false [brood X conceives handwriting head] unlike bodyguard tree roots appearance patterns learned paralyzed santabarbaraite uses flexible tongue [contains iron, meatloaf, gun, called a boot, fever pen, 90 lungs per cycle] brawl through grassy glands tiny layers of shell provoking engrossed extracts fade alluring bounce across a mint leaf beetle [shine ridge, absorb electric sums, flavonoids to figments] production wings energetic century butterfly mixing shellfish [will turn] milkworts are pink [vivid band of textiles] accidental process scoops a teenager unlikely raw mauve refashioned as chemistry [donned engineering bites, failed] self a pigment drenching afforded compound synthesis made done substance sampled [lava, quotation, scaled rub off] walnut perfect gullible hesitation obvious language sinew [glorified “stinky” , abstract “skunk- like” , personal “gasoline term”] regardless eyesight dulls evolutionary pride decimal an impactful breach without traction shaded key to credit card [hailstorm] numbers virtual popping mystery [color-sensing] computerized comb tears the scalp strongest optic complimenting pair [wheel] artistic anchor [like saturn] repeated rules fascinate preppy [w]hole [lately] renowned trick box cutter rainbow manifesting urgency withering coronas blocked an example [i.e. irisation,, iridescence] clear electron flashes venus message from mist [or] [and] [if] [when] [then] […] […] enter droplets reverses lighted rare moon [massage] […] parahelia horizontal

boogie-woogie

melanin sources mottled forest floor giving skin texture running gag membrane microscope ,fossilized shape observes bacterial curation whenever bleak bipedal scales revert , tiny turns of feathered tastes sanitize drab , leaping said ::::: “study might night dwell signaled surrounding helping extinction” ::::: non-avian habit of coating mask , busybody relevant shimmering climbing spiral skirt staircase grin , next nest may ascertain creatures , length soils habitat ,wiggling must offer an explanation ::::: “universe detects combined filtered hues as if transported by famous infrared renditions short for human colliding” ::::: tongue Jupiter representative otherwise , pinpoint a nebula , upper equator like a pulse , visible gathering pancake , will be flat , will be layers overlapping , tubular , chemicals painting bathroom in time without extreme , most populous semiprecious , corrosive , less sickening , waning name not a good mineral , spectrum knows that words vile ::::: “cave walls discover less a carefully manipulated psychology advertised before conveying brooding authority” ::::: white sees a funeral , issues solid statement of absolute , youth warms to chaos , filters separate labels from necks , would-be testing and insects absorb “flowers of death”

Joshua Martin is a Philadelphia based writer and filmmaker, who currently works in a library. He is the author of the books combustible panoramic twists (Trainwreck Press), Pointillistic Venetian Blinds (Alien Buddha Press) and Vagabond fragments of a hole (Schism Neuronics). You can find links to his published work at joshuamartinwriting.blogspot.com.

Yugioh S4 Ep 27: Joey Punches Valon to Death and Seto Kaiba buys a Car.

My favorite character is back!

THE STORYBOARDER.

Like clockwork, the best storyboarder of all of Yugioh saw in the episode notes “This is the one where we shall Destroy Joey Wheeler” and he was like “Yes! this is extremely my thing!” and he’s back at it again, destroying Joey Wheeler with such finesse.

Like it’s so hard to explain in caps because you can’t see stuff move, but this animator is so good at the Yugioh vibe--he makes these character designs WORK for him (or her? No idea the identity of the mysterious storyboarder (or team of storyboarders--maybe this was one little group they freelance out to that worked really well together? I dunno) ) they really capture what Yugioh IS in a really unique way and still remain fairly economical in the animation sense. They do not hold back on any pose, and go completely ham into this ridiculous concept of a card game where you put on a special suit and punch eachother in the face.

Mind you, it’s still a card game and I skipped all that, but man...this is such a good storyboarder and I know that next episode they’ll be gone but for now I’m just gonna bask in it.

First off, Rebecca manages to figure out Seto’s 6-letter password in order to access billions of people’s personal data off of a satellite (we don’t get to find out what the password was) and although the storyboarder is great--they did make one fatal mistake.

The bane of every Californian who leaves California. LA is like a completely different country to San Fransisco but everyone only knows of two Californian cities and assumes we’re right next door to each other.

And it’s like...no, man. I don’t have Disneyland. Do I sound like a cheerful person that lives next to Disneyland? Do I say “bruh” and smile with the force of 1000 suns as we surf the coast on the backs of Lisa Frank dolphins? No dude, I have a strong Bay Area accent that makes me sound like a dry sarcastic asshole and I wear sweatshirts to the freakin beach because it’s very cold and filled with great white sharks.

(Sorry I just had to delete like 10 k words where I compared the entire cast to US cities by saying cryptic stuff like Joey Wheeler : Seto Kaiba is like LA : San Fransisco and like it was the biggest random tangent that only makes sense to me. Quarantine brain, y’all, I got SERIOUS quarantine brain. Anyone else? Anyone else just find themselves wasting like 2 hours thinking of which cities match the personalities of different characters on a show that came out so long ago? Man I need distractions right now.)

But back to what’s happening on the show, Yami is coming to terms with Joey’s struggle about as well as Yami does.

Which is mostly Yami saying “I’m pretty sure I killed Joey in that card game with Bakura in S1 and Tea had to bring him back from the graveyard so like wtv.”

(read more under the cut)

This was like 2003??? I think I keep forgetting when this season came out but we had printers at this point. We had google maps and a printer.

I don’t think I’ve touched a map like that since the 5th grade, where we had this competition to make a hypothetical road trip across America. It was Awful, and if you won the competition to get from SF to New York with the shortest distance, you would win something like pizza and a cool engraved name plate. We did not win pizza, because I could not even unfold this asshole map.

And now we have Google so like thanks, Mrs. Lambert, it was cool, but I’ll never use that information again. I hope. It was such a vivid frustrating memory that these maps still fill me with anxiety to this day, hearkening back to my 5th grade self just desperately trying to use string to measure how many miles the freeways across the midwest contain. (spoiler: a lot)

How OLD is this kid? Rebecca’s like secretly a 68 year old. She’s secretly Mrs. Lambert.

At this point we had a swell in the music as each friend of Joey joined in to announce their willingness to risk danger and save him.

Were they...not going to join him the whole time? It just seemed like a weird thing to bring up sooo after the fact.

Yami then turned to Duke and was like “but not you. You stay here” and he was like “Oh, thank gods.”

Rebecca stayed behind because the animators don’t want to draw her. Honestly, she’s incredibly helpful and they were mad stupid to leave the only smart one in the car. But youknow...this team loves being mad stupid. It makes the show more entertaining.

As they left we had a weird aside where Arthur Hawkins reflected “Rebecca is having just a REAL hard time trusting Yami” and it’s like--Arthur Hawkins! You’ve been dumping on Yami for like an entire season, that’s why. Like don’t pretend you’re all on team Pharaoh now. Why ever stop dunking?

But youknow, character development, Rebecca is going to learn the trust the ghost that possessed her crush/best friend that she’s had for 2+ years on a kid who’s been living in Japan this whole time who literally forgot who she was 2 weeks ago. You trust that ghost, Rebecca.

Or not. I mean you really don’t have to. You don’t owe Yami anything, dude. You don’t need to blindly trust idiot men, Rebecca. You just do you. Trust that instinct of “is this guy not trustworthy?” because yep. Chances are if you’re having that thought, that he’s totally not.

Storyboarder!

Storyboarder what ARE you???

STORYBOARDER!

after this followed a scene that I’ve seen gif-ed just so, so often that I assumed it was in a Yugioh Spin-off. I don’t know why I thought it wasn’t in this OG series, but I didn’t expect it to be here, in the Dartz season. But, it does make sense that this scene was under the best Storyboarder‘s direction because *chef’s kisses * it’s perfect. Every frame is a joy. The amount of sinister expressions on Mokuba, the level of sass coming off of Kaiba. It’s such a freakin shame that this man’s best work so far only lasts like a few seconds.

PS my bro looked it up and this car salesman has a wikipedia page.

He also looked up if anyone has shipped this car salesman and it’s our lucky day because this ship does not exist with any human ever in the world. Thank you, humanity. But, they DID make a wikipedia page so maybe we’re just putting off the inevitable?

I’m not even gonna cap it because I KNOW this is a gif you can easily download from everywhere but mm--this is a SOLID piece of animation. This animator is just flexing so hard, man. Yugioh did not deserve this much care and attention to detail.

Shippers rejoice, Seto Kaiba did briefly consider helping out Joey (before he absolutely drove away in the opposite direction)

(They’re clearly in the financial district already, PS. They are driving 5 ft to Dartz’ house.)

At some point Joey nabbed Valon’s card and so now he also gets to wear a bunch of stupid armor outfits.

This one is weird! It’s very Kamen rider-ish...but it’s a color scheme that feels very valentines day. It looks hard to wear. Good thing it’s animated.

I may need to capture this walk sequence though...if I still have the energy...the picture does not display his very energetic arms-in-the-air walk cycle I haven’t seen since that one Season zero episode. I dunno if it’s a reference to that, but I can’t think of any other reason why Tristan is walking like that.

This is when Mai finally shows up.

Valon lost his helmet during this fight, which lead to this:

What a good note to end on.

Anyways, I have no idea what my update schedule will look like or be, so if you’re new here and you want to start reading these from the beginning, I have a link for that:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

👫 (Ed and Trisha or Ciel and Lizzie??)

Send a 👫and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship // @thcsevoices​ // accepting // you think I am not gluttonous? you think I would only choose one of the two? wrong-o!

People who’ve met Ed ponder at the sort of terror his father must be, so imagine their surprise upon viewing interactions between him and his mother and realize, “oh god, there’s two of them”. Ed gets so much of his personality from his mother, from his tender bleeding heart for the people to his absolute stubborn mule “I will die on this hill” disposition. Neither are passive, and neither give an inch, which leads to some passionate disagreements that leads Al to a state of absolute exhaustion as he watches them split off from each other to cool off. In the Envy Elric au, Envy is the one waving their hand and saying everything will be okay.. yet they split off to drag Ed home to talk it out with Trisha, while Al handles bringing Trisha around. You wouldn’t expect it, but Envy and Al can be some pretty tough glue that brings the family back together much more quickly. They’re an entire four person unit.  But Trisha and Ed can’t stay mad at each other for long, not at all. That actually fades away quite fast, and it’s more of the guilt that keeps the distance, and pondering how to fix it. If it isn’t for Envy and Al’s quick interventions, Trisha’s always the first to close the gap, and Ed takes note of that, and puts it into practice later on. Growth. 

They share the same drinking habit. :’) They both hold cups and mugs in a very peculiar way that no one thinks is even feasible to drink from, and it’s so distinct you can’t not notice the similarity (they refuse to use the handle, they just straight up pick up the cup from its bottom and hold it that way the entire time. it earns them weird looks and has gotten them chastised from many loved ones, especially at formal events). Lowkey, it makes Hohenheim very, very emotional later when Ed & He meet up down the line, and of course that earns him quite the squint from Edward. 

Ed learned how to braid from, of course, his mama, and he learned how to be quite the speedster with it, too! She’d have him braid her hair in the morning, and he’d take it so seriously he’d march right into her room at the crack of dawn if he just so happened to be up before her and tell her it’s time for her hair styling appointment. Trisha just thought it was the sweetest thing. She slipped her own trick into him during the learning process though, passing on a ritual of her own. Slipping a sprig of chickweed between your locks during the braiding process for protection is an old Elric tradition, their own little superstition. A farmer’s superstition, at that. The protection will last for that whole day for as long as you keep that sprig bundled up nice and tight with no possible way for it to fall out. Ed always thought it was poppycock, especially as he grew older and took to science more than silly superstition. However, every now and then early in the morning, Alphonse does spot Ed fixing his hair and notices a little flick of green being tucked into the blond locks before hidden away within the signature Fullmetal braid. Ed thinks he’s being sneaky, but Al is off to the side like :3c

You wouldn’t believe it at first glance, but Trisha and Ed do get into arm wrestling matches for fun whenever the family is brought back together. It looks harmless and innocent, and it is, but Trisha is also actually teaching him how to play dirty if he should ever find himself in a match versus someone who is obviously stronger.. but reminding him to only use these “powers” for good reason, no involving it for normal play matches! Unless it’s against a military official, then go all out.  That isn’t the first time he’s learned dirty tricks from his mother, either. She’s taught him in regards for cards too, which we’ve seen him pull on Al during long train rides, and I’m sure he’s also pulled on Envy and nearly got whooped over.  The only one this will never completely snow is Hohenheim, because he knows his wife’s dirty tricks and he will quickly recognize them in Ed, too. 

They both discover their love for a good mystery novel when the subject is brought up during a conversation regarding the same author they like, mentioned by no other than Sebastian who knew of their mutual interest but figured it’d be ages before the other found out about it, so he decided to get that ball rolling all the sooner. These two completely spun out from there and talked for ages about their favorite books, and what sort of mysteries are their favorites (missing family heirlooms to murders).  It felt impeccably good to find a ground on which they’re both passionate about a subject. They share interests such as their love for games, but they hardly have time to discover much else about the other. This is a very well welcomed addition, and leads to them having their own little book club for two. Gives them a lot to theorize about, and they do love having someone to bounce theories off of before the true answer is revealed. The servants and Claudia gush about this.

It will be years before they marry, but that doesn’t stop Elizabeth from fantasizing and sharing her ideas. It makes Ciel’s cheeks burn to no end, but he’s a good fiancé, so he listens and he quietly takes note of just about everything she suggests. Matching outfits are a must, and there’s a debate going back and forth if they should be allowed to see what the other has Nina design for them to make sure it’s perfect, or if they should stick to tradition and not see one another’s attire before the wedding. Ciel thinks they can rely on Nina to make the perfect matching set, but Lizzie is ever fretful. Sebastian will notice when they’re out and about on the town scoping out competition that Ciel has his eyes lingering, window-shopping, looking at fabrics and décor in the windows that are purely for wedding ceremonies, and he has to hide the smirk when Ciel actually goes inside to have a better look. The demon can swear he hears the boy murmur to himself about how this is what Lizzie was talking about, but it doesn’t look quite right.. and then the Earl’ll take notice to the damn demon surveying him and storm from the store in a flustered huff.  The boy has no reason to look so onward into the future when he likely will not even make it so far.. but unfortunately, Elizabeth keeps the smallest flame of a dream alive inside of him, keeping alive the flare of excitement, however incredibly, incredibly small it is.. and Nana’s enthusiasm certainly doesn’t help, especially when she offers her own pointers from her own wedding, and says she’ll gift them the cloth she used during her own sacred ceremony.  Something olde, something new, Something borrowed, something blue.

Frances was incredibly intimidating as an instructor, but Elizabeth is more gentle and much more approachable. When she inquires Ciel about wanting to be taught how to handle a firearm (met with protest, but eventually weaned into submission through much persuasion on her part), she offers him, in exchange, the chance to learn how to master a sword. Ciel is, in truth, made curious by the prospect. There was trepidation at first, but only because of the lessons he’d gone through with his most merciless aunt. This is Lizzie teaching him now. Their lessons are something that are going to be treated quite seriously, to the depth that Ciel actually fits them into his schedule where he feels it’s most appropriate. From lesson one, they both see just how interesting this arrangement is going to be, and how much more easier it is to learn from one another than very, very intense adults (sebastian, frances).  It’s a gradual process that will take place for over a long period of time, but both will come out of it better trained in their desired aspects, and have one another to thank for it. Not only do these lessons deepen their bond, but it works with their chemistry. They learn the other’s pattern in battle, especially during fencing. Indirectly, they’re going to learn how to fight fluidly side-by-side. They become a tiny team that works together efficiently, and are better taught in communication.

Their first kiss will, or would, be their wedding kiss. It’s both of their idea, and there is a terrible guilt that storms in Ciel’s gut when he suddenly thinks on the fact that it is more than likely that the day will never come. It’s a small thing, a first kiss, but it’s so special, and it’s so human. Sebastian doesn’t understand the etiquette or romance behind it, and will never understand the depth as to why there is genuine dark cloud looming over Ciel when he reflects on this. It’s not even just a kiss, there’s more to it. Perhaps it’s this decision that has Ciel truly reflect on the power his death is going to have on Elizabeth. Their love is genuine, and it’s growing stronger, and he knows just how hard she loves him, because he loves her the same. He could think to himself that Elizabeth will find a different suitor and move on, but his mind tells him he’s a fool: Would you move on for the sake of continuing the Phantomhive lineage? Would you move on from Elizabeth? No, of course you wouldn’t. So, why would she move on from you?  The Midford who puts aside title and rank for a loved one? The hurdle is the most intense Ciel’s had to overcome in a while because of how tender the love is, and how true it is, how it’s for him and him alone, and how rough it is to tear such affection from the root and push it beneath the floorboards. Causing such a beautiful, true thing to bleed profusely because he’s chosen the path of no return, and he can’t be barred down by it. He’ll love Elizabeth intensely, he’ll never stop until his dying breath, but he can’t be held back by his emotions. He’s pursuing his goal. But damn, if this isn’t the one that made him hesitate, if but for a strong, strong moment.

@gamepunks says Reddie + Snowed In a cozy cabin :))

@eduardokaspbrak sorry for the length of time you had to wait for this fic, but here it in nonetheless! Enjoy!

AO3 link

* * * * * 

“Looks like the storm is going to last a few more days, Eds,” Richie sighed as he came off of the phone to his parents, taking a seat next to Eddie on the loveseat by the fire. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, burying his head into his neck.

What had meant to be a nice weekend getaway from the city to a cabin just north of New York, had turned into what would now be a week trapped thanks to an unexpected snowstorm. Not like Richie was complaining about being able to spend more time with his fiance, as they had been so busy with work it felt like Richie had barely seen Eddie.

Outside the snow was falling steadily onto the ground around the cabin, and Richie slipped off of the couch to add more wood to the fire. It sparked up, lighting the room up more and Richie turned his head, his eyes landing on Eddie as he curled up on the couch, his eyes closed softly.

Richie felt his heart swell, his breathing hitching just a little at just how beautiful Eddie was. His lightly tanned skin looked golden under the firelight, and his blond hair glistened, making him look nothing short of angelic. Richie knew if he said any of this to Eddie, he’d probably get punched in the gut, but deep down, Richie was aware of how much Eddie liked to be complimented.

God, did Richie enjoy complimenting Eddie. He loved pressing kisses to his soft, moisturised skin and running his hand through his soft locks. Eddie loved to take care of himself, and had a very serious skincare routine, never once missing it. He also ensured that the shampoo he used had the best ingredients to make his hair look and smell like perfection.

From the couch, Eddie yawned and cracked his eyes open, meeting Richie from where he was still sat by the fire. Slowly, Eddie raised his eyebrow, “Chee? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Just admiring how pretty you are, Eds,” Richie answered, not even making an attempt to hide the fact that he had been staring. “You are just so damn perfect.”

A blush rose up on Eddie’s cheeks and he turned his head to the side, avoiding Richie’s gaze, “Shut up,” he mumbled, pulling the blanket over his shoulders more firmly. Even though the fire was blasting, the room around them was still relatively cold since the power went out thanks to the storm.

Richie laughed, smiling wide and he slowly made his way back over to the couch. He didn’t want to leave Eddie alone on the couch for too long, as he was aware that body heat was important when it was less than -4 degrees fahrenheit. At the mere mention of how cold it was outside, a shiver ran down Richie’s spine and he clambered onto the couch, sliding under the blanket.

“God, you’re feet are fucking freezing dipshit,” Eddie grumbled, his cheeks still tinged a light red from Richie’s earlier compliment. “Why did you have to get off of the couch into the could in the first place?”

Ignoring Eddie’s protests, Richie just pulled his fiance into his lap, wrapping him up in a hug, soaking in his body head. “Needed to put more wood on the fire, it was getting dim and then we would really be cold,” Richie breathed against the skin of Eddie’s neck.

Eddie let out a soft sound and he let Richie pull him into his arms, settling rather comfortably, like he was used to it. The whole thing made Richie grin because he had been with Eddie so long, that he just expected Richie to pull him into his lap and cuddle him tight.

Ever since he was younger, Richie had craved human contact. With the losers, he never made it a secret to hug them or sit on them, or even hold their hands when they were all cuddled up watching a movie together. None of them seemed to mind as it was ust Richie, and that was how he was. Out of all the losers though, Eddie was the one who Richie liked to cuddle with the most, and when they got together it only got worse.

The losers were a little annoyed at their acts of affection at first, but they soon got used to it too. They never complained when Richie pulled Eddie into his lap, or when he called him pretty for wearing light clothing and styling his hair perfectly. It was just who Eddie was, and Richie fucking loved that about him.

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asked, looking up at Richie through his beautiful dark eyes that made Richie’s insides turn to goo. He looked absolutely breathtaking, and the light from the fire was only adding to the perfection that was Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Just about how perfect you are,” Richie whispered, completely honest and reached up to cup Eddie’s cheeks, preventing him from turning his head away. “I know you hate it when I call you pretty, or beautiful. I know it makes you flustered but sometimes I just can’t help it. You are just so breathtaking, sometimes when I look at you I just…lose control of my thoughts for a few minutes.”

Eddie’s eyes were wide, but they softened as he listened to what Richie had to say. He cleared his throat and bit down on his lip. “You know that…I’m not going anywhere right?” He asked and Richie’s stomach tightened a little. “I- I know we’ve been so busy with work lately and this was why we took this trip but…no matter what I’m always going to love you. We’re getting married in four months.”

Unable to help himself, Richie leaned over and closed the distance between them, kissing him softly. He carded his fingers through Eddie’s soft locks, pulling him a little closer as he parted his lips with his tongue. The kiss remained soft and sweet, both of their bodies too stiff with the cold to do anything more than that, and they pulled away with a smile.

“I love you, so much Eds,” Richie breathed, resting their foreheads together. “I can’t wait to marry you. You know, if we ever get out of here. Just in case we freeze to death, will you marry me right here and now Eddie, Kaspbrak.” His words were dramatic and he pinched Eddie’s sides to make him squeal.

It worked and Eddie let out a loud screech, his hands balling into fists and whacking Richie on the arm, “You are such a fucking idiot! I can’t believe you! That’s it, I want a divorce!”

Richie cackled, “We’re not even married yet, Eds!”

“Then I want to marry you, just so I can get divorced from you!”

Another loud laugh and this time, Eddie was also giggling too. “I love you too, Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but there was nothing but fondness behind them, “Ugh Richie, don’t call me that. You know I hate it when you call me that.”

Mhm. Richie thought, his eyes sparking. Eddie might say just that, but Richie…he knew well enough.

* * * * *

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @bitchbrak @sloppybitchreddie @its-stranger-than-you-think @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @halfway-happy353 @tinyarmedtrex @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @mrs-vh @studpuffin @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @trashmouthtozierr @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall @xandertheundead @sedanleystanley @hawkinsbabe @beepbeeprichiellc @stellarbisexual @oldguybones @thundercatseddie @eduardoandale @purplepoisonedgem @reddie-to-cryy @pink-psychic @violetreddie @fuzzylogik @queen-sock @appojoos @moonlightrichie @rreddies @disneyfan567 @annxmatron @lifesucksheres20bucks @anellope @roobarrtrashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @callmechee @nancynwheeler @reddieforlove @twoidiotsinl0ve @madi-artist @tozierking

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

S/S 2020 Fashion Month: A Basic, Uneducated Fashion Heaux’s A-Z of Everything Noteworthy (Part 2/3)

Hi to anyone reading,

Back at it again with the giving my unsolicited opinion on 2020′s spring/summer offering, I’m gonna hop straight into part 2 of my fashion month review!

Sorry to start with an underwhelming few but my compulsive tendencies are making it really hard to break out of this alphabetical structure (cry laughs whilst thinking about how long it took me to face up at my retail job last night because it would give me vaguely homicidal urges and make my fingers tingle every time a customer moved something slightly out of line), so I’m gonna whizz through a handful of collections. First up, Halpern:

Not much to say but I’m envious of the heavy liner (my hooded eyes could never) and I like the colour scheme. As for the 80s style metallic pink dress?

Helmut Lang:

And Hermes:

Of these 3 collections, Hermes is definitely the most interesting. I like the colour scheme and the utilitarian shapes and the tan coloured jackets are an absolute shoot. This is how you make safari look fresh, D&G take note.

Isabel Marant was okay. It’s cute, sure, reminds me of something Mary-Kate and Ashley would’ve come out with/worn in the 2000s, and there’s definitely some things I would wear, but I wouldn’t say it looks all that luxury. Pricey, sure, but like, Free People pricey, not designer pricey. As a collection, it’s not all that conceptual, unless the concept is L.A girl does a Starbucks run after her bikram yoga class. What I will say though is that some of the S/S 2020 commercial trends are becoming clear: white cheesecloth pieces, peasant blouses, cowboy boots, scrappy sandals, neutral tones, and bandana print. 

Now onto the darling of high fashion Twitter: Jacquemus.

As far as presentation goes, this has to be one of my favourite set-ups of the season; a hot pink runway running through a lavender meadow is as canny and serene as those who sing the praises of Simon Porte Jacquemus would have you expect, and the clothes were easy, breezy and beautiful, even if there is an element of getting dressed in the dark going on with the styling which put me off including a few otherwise gorgeous pieces. It might not be 100% my style but you can tell this is a brand of the future which is only going to go from strength to strength.

And everything was beautifully and purposefully crafted on the runway with J.W Anderson this year. The pieces are graceful and timeless whilst still easy to envision as something a modern woman would throw on to (very fashionably) run some errands in the city. This was also one of the handful of shows (IIRC! This might be a case of extreme deja-vu!) where we saw the sandal straps tied over the trousers, I’m guessing to accentuate the ankles, and...I’m surprisingly here for it? Though in a sense it kinda resembles when I accidentally get my work trousers tucked into my slipper socks, it’s an interesting touch and adds a bit of a shape to otherwise billowing bottom halves.

Following Jacquemus’ lead (or vice versa, I’m way too deep into this fashion month haze to work out who went first at this point), Lacoste also put on a co-ed show. Otherwise crisp and preppy as per, the neckerchiefs (even if seeing them all next to one another does give off a bit of a Disneyland Main Street barbershop quartet vibe) and vinyl/wet-look/PVC/I’m still not sure what differentiates the 3 coats were an out of the box touch for them and I really liked it. It’s athleisure, but more like something Hayley Bieber would’ve worn as part of her Princess Diana inspired shoot than anything I’d wear to the gym.

LMAO, as if I go the gym. But you get my point. Next, Loewe:

Delicate, feminine and all around delightful, the S/S 2020 Loewe collection is up there with Chloe and Brock when it comes to most spring appropriate. More chiffon, lace and doily-like detailing, please, the old woman in me lives for this kinda thing made fashionable. Like with J.W Anderson, you can tell the design team wanted to do something different without just throwing shit onto their pieces for the sake of being wacky, and so we end up with these dramatic, slightly geometric waistlines and almost angelic Victorian nightgown inspired dresses that kinda make me wished that 1). ghosts existed and that 2). I lived back in that era so I could die some tragic death wearing any one of the dresses on the left in the top 3 rows and then haunt the shit out of everyone. That would really be an iconic fashion moment. Also wonderful, imo, was Louis Vuitton:

The mix between 60s and Edwardian I never knew I needed, as opposed to Gucci’s forward thinking take on the former decade, Louis Vuitton takes it back even further and throws in late 19th/early 20th century structures and references. I adore the what seems to be a mix between brocade and paisley print and the exaggerated collars are a very cute touch. The jacket on the top left is a highlight, a more neutral version of the similar catsuit seen at the Longchamp show (I couldn’t personally pick enough highlights from that to include it), and I now more than ever really want to try and pull off a sweater vest. The shoes might not be the most exciting thing ever but they’re also a personal favourite, from the knee high boots to the loafers with the LV moniker.

Maison Margiela was very cool and again, I’m in love with the shoes and just the accessories in general, ESPECIALLY those hats. I don’t know if I’m way off base here but this show is almost a modernised, fashionable version of a 1940s period drama about WW2 pilots and evacuees. Yes, maybe I am just getting that solely from the trench coats and the naval influences and the exaggerated collars but I think with that list I made quite a case for that perspective, right? Right.

And completing this holy trinity (appropriating the term I usually reserve for Emma Watson, Emma Stone and Emma Roberts is not without careful consideration) is Marc Jacobs. One of my ultimate favourites of this season, this collection is absolutely EVERYTHING: kitschy, dream-like, whimsical, over-the-top, and totally appropriate for your slightly eccentric aunt who always drinks too much wine and talks a lot of shit every time she comes over for dinner. I really feel like I walked into wonderland looking at this collection, and in the best way possible, it gives me a female Russell Brand in the 2000s’ wardrobe on crack. On the one hand we have these insanely beautiful and ethereal chiffon floral dresses but then we also have fricken top hats. Basically, it’s everything I love about fashion and I don’t know if anything can top it. Periodt (and I type that with a totally straight face). 

Next, onto another personal fave, Marchesa:

Which is as always, beautiful. I was going to write that if Disney princesses came to life and lived in the modern world (so, in other words, Elle Fanning), they would be wearing Marchesa and then I remembered that the film Enchanted exists and had a lightbulb moment and thought OH MY GOD IF THEY REMADE THAT IN 2019, THE DRESS ON THE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE ROW WOULD BE A PERFECT LEVELLING UP OF THE CURTAIN DRESS.

Anyways, favourites of the favourites are the bottom row; I would die for that feather trim. 

BUT where Marchesa is everything opulent, overly ornate and err-ing on “fussy”, Margaret Howell’s S/S 2020 collection is completely stripped back and just as effective, if not as to my taste. Very cool, very current, and altogether effortless (in a good way!), with this show Margaret Howell made mid-20th century utilitarianism relevant. I never thought I’d be praising the combination of bermuda shorts, crew socks and a beanie and yet here I am. Character development.

Next is Marine Serre:

Which I really like! The bottom row isn’t really to my personal taste but I can acknowledge that if I saw somebody wearing any one of those outfits I’d think they looked sick, and as for the first two rows, those mesh tops and the slightly chintzy florals are right up my alley.

Marques Almeida put out a really strong collection, imo. The blending of luxurious silhouettes and fabrics with street wear inspired prints and styling is a really interesting and unique contrast and if Billie Eilish ever decided to stop wearing those tweenie clothes and wanted to actually seduce somebody’s dad (I LOVE BILLIE EILISH AND I KNOW WHY SHE DRESSES THE WAY SHE DOES, IT’S A JOKE, PLS DON’T HATE ME), I’d love to see her wearing something like this. It’s a blend of punk, urban, and 2019 e-girl and has the kind of edge that Topshop has lost over the past couple of years that used to make it so aspirational to my 13 year old self. Of all the shows, it also probably has the most personally wearable accessories, and a shit tonne of cool make up looks I’d love to try if it weren’t for my lack of visible eyelid, lol.

Make up looks were a highlight of the Max Mara show too, for me anyway.

I otherwise wasn’t hugely keen on the collection, it being a little too matronly/Miss.Trunchbull-esque for my liking (wild card fashion inspiration of 2019, apparently?). The light paisley print dresses are very dreamy, though, and I can never resist a good suit. 

As for Michael Kors, dare I say it, but the basic bitch in me loved it. I know as a designer he’s not held in very high regard by the fashion community and I'm not saying it’s at all original but it did what it set out to do well; I mean, it’s quite fitting that he cameo-d in an episode of Gossip Girl because every outfit would be perfect for the Constance attending incarnation of Blair Waldorf, which is probably why I like the collection. Like yeah, it’s a bit of a Polo Ralph Lauren/Lacoste rip off but it’s daintier and more feminine and so I’m not gonna lie, I’m on board with it. 

Next, Miu Miu.

One of the collections I was most excited for, I was a little disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the collection, but I have never once disliked anything Miu Miu and I usually love it. There are things I love about this line too: the cream, floral lace-up boots, the off-the-shoulder cardigans, the houndstooth oversized coats and of course the fur-lined gilets. My mum used to buy me similar ones when I was a little girl and so they give me childhood nostalgia in the best way possible. I mean, the collection is as girly and eccentric as ever. I think it’s just a little too on the primary school librarian side for me, this time round. Sorry Miu Miu xoxo

Now I’m just gonna speed through a couple, starting with MM6 Maison Margiela, the younger sister to the more expensive regular Maison Margiela line:

And Monique Lhuillier:

So that I can get to one of my other ultimate favourite collections for S/S 2020: Moschino.

Oh my god, where to even start. Firstly, I might be reaching, but if this show is even remotely to thank for art nouveau mesh tops showing up in the Urban Outfitters new in section, then a very sarcastic thank you to Jeremy Scott. You just made ethical shopping a lot harder. HOW am I supposed to not buy an Alphonse Mucha top? HOW!? I mean, I’m sure I’ll manage (I’m on month 3 without a shopping spree I can’t actually afford now and yes, I am very much patting myself on the back), but HOW!?

But on a serious level, if renaissance was the print of 2019, which I’m still very much into BTW, bring on modern art as its 2020 replacement. The Pablo Picasso inspired show not only livened up a generally pretty predictable fashion month but it’s also got me searching up other times art has met fashion on the runway and thrown me down a particularly aesthetically pleasing wormhole I’m not sure I ever want to escape from (https://frontrowmagazine.ca/art-inspired-looks-were-all-over-the-runways-of-fashion-week-a74e8bc7ff0d and https://www.vogue.com/article/spring-2017-ready-to-wear-fine-arts-trends are good starting points!).

Mugler was also up there with the best of them, imo:

See, if the Moschino collection was all about dabbling in art class, Mugler’s S/S 2020 collection is its more mathematically inclined sister, all about sharp lines and deconstructed silhouettes and symmetry all whilst looking hot as fuck. So very Mugler, basically. 

Now, this reference might be slightly off because I haven’t actually SEEN Ex-Machina yet but I imagine if Kim Kardashian were to channel that movie for a costume party she’d end up wearing something from this collection. That sounds like a roast because Kim has worn some questionable outfits but I blame Kanye for most of that and I’m referring to her on a good fashion day, alright!?

As for Off-White, it’s obviously a lot more commercial than most of the lines I’ve reviewed so far. Like, I can see a lot of these outfits on a mannequin in Urban Outfitters (no, I am not being paid to namedrop them, about 3 people in total read this Tumblr so any kind of sponsorship money would be severely wasted on me). That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and I love all of these looks; it just seems unfair to compare them to the the Mugler or Moschino collections, for example. 

The stand outs for me are all on the bottom row: I would buy the utility vest, leather blazer and the all mesh turtleneck under washed-out tie-dye on the spot if I saw them in a high street store. Unfortunately, I feel like that’s kinda where they belong. You just expect collections to be a bit more conceptual, and this one is a little watered down, as much as it’s my style.

Oscar de la Renta was beautiful, of course. Not like I’m shook by how beautiful it is but kinda just what you’d expect from a brand with a name as poetic and fun to say as Oscar de la Renta. The silhouettes are dreamy and the details are as fit for a fairy princess (lmao) as ever. Plus can I just say how happy I am to see butterflies on dresses for adult women again!? And dresses worn by Blanca Padilla nonetheless!? Very here for it.

Next up is another on one of my fashion month highlights: Paco Rabanne.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, something about this collection (I’m pretty sure it’s the knee high coloured socks) is giving me primary school teacher vibes, but I'm not mad about it. It’d be the kind of teacher who’s actually really good at their job and has loads of cool hobbies and a really hot boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband who you secretly want to be then you grow up/and or have a huge crush on. 

Like with Marc Jacobs, there’s obvious flower child elements here, and whilst on the whole the former took my breath away slightly more, this is a lot more wearable. My favourites are the paisley print dress and cape on the left in the very bottom row and all the chainmail pieces (which remind me of the dress Naomi Smalls wore in that whole club ninety-sixxxxx skit on drag race), plus that floral cut out dress with the trailing flute sleeves, which is absolute PERFECTION. 

The 70s influence was clear in Peter Pilotto’s S/S 2020 collection too from the abundance of tie-dye to the knit v-neck dress, zany colour and print being the very on-brand focus. That being said, this is definitely more of a street-style inspired collection than usual and whilst the floral suits and dresses on the 3rd row down are very typical Peter Pilotto, the tie-dye corset and combat trousers on the far right, second row from the bottom, are very Jaded London. As for the reoccurrence of the bucket hat, I’ve remained steadfastly against them for several years now (even when our Lord and Saviour Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty started wearing them) but the way they’re done in this collection even I could definitely get behind; all in all, the show surpassed my expectations.

The same goes for Ports 1961, which was a lot more eccentric than I gathered is the norm from a few google searches. Honestly, I hadn’t really heard of the brand which, upon reading up on it, I feel very dumb for considering it has been around since (in the shock twist of the century) 1961.

Yes, I know how that sounds! But forgive me, I’m still learning:)

Anyway, the fishnet detailing alone pretty much sold the looks I picked out. Seriously, I got a pair of those bloody tights, like, 2 years ago when they became a thing again and now any outfit where I have my legs out feels incomplete without them. 

Next is Prabal Gurung, which, as far as presentation goes, was fucking STUNNING:

I mean, you could say that I’m easily impressed and that the presence of the bouquets won me over (and you’d definitely have a point there), but it’s also this year’s Givenchy haute couture-esque feathers, the trailing pearl necklaces, the exaggerated shoulders, the dreamy colouring, the everything looking like it could’ve grown off a very fashionably-inclined tree. Like, there’s a lot to love here, from the naturalistic elements, to the context behind the show, an ode to American fashion history and those cast out of it (and the notion of “being American” in general) for so long. 

Going from a high to a (personal) low, however, next we have Prada:

I don’t know, I get that it’s supposed to be simple and stripped back and dignified and whatever and I like the looks I picked but it’s just a bit blah for me. The bonnets that kept cropping up just didn’t do it for me and almost ruined what is an otherwise nice skirt suit (top right). Nonetheless, I like the silhouette of the sheer black dress and the the brocade print suit is really luxurious looking, even if the pattern is a *little* Wetherspoons carpet. 

Anyways, here’s a quick overview of Rag and Bone:

So that I can stop moaning and get onto a collection I REALLY liked: 

I am of course talking about Ralph and Russo. See, this is kinda what I expected from, like, Chanel and yet it’s Ralph and Russo that delivered. Also, it gives me Alessandra Rich vibes which is very much a compliment considering how much I love her designs. I mean, if Valley of the Dolls were to get another film remake in 2019, this is exactly what I’d like to see the female leads wearing, from the pastel suits to the satin kaftan style dresses. The yellow feather trimmed dress is practically a copy of something Marchesa has already done but it’s cute all the same. In my top 10 collections of the season, for sure.

Rick Owens was another strong collection; it goes without saying that it’s not the most wearable but that’s not really what Rick Owens is known for, so I wouldn’t expect anything else. If you want fashion on an alien planet, or something Lady Gaga would’ve worn in 2010, he's your man.

Next, Rodarte:

Obviously the dresses are beautiful and the set is magnificent, BUT...I’m really not a fan of the whole celebrities filling in for high fashion models thing. I like Lili Reinhart and I adore Kirsten Dunst, she’s been in a load of my favourite films, but in a similar vein to Dolce and Gabbana’s influencer show, it’s just distracting from the actual garments, if even worse because I don’t WANT to be distracted here (the same can’t be said for the D&G show, lol).  If anybody has read this far, let me know your thoughts! 

Roland Mouret was nice, and I always like a coed show, especially when a designer isn’t afraid to blur the lines of masculine and feminine. It’s fresh, lightweight and luxurious looking, Cannes film festival street style eat your heart out, and I love the colour palette.

Similarly, colour was my favourite thing about Sally LaPointe’s S/S 2020 collection. 

I would never think that teal and burnt orange would work together, let alone in some kind of faux leather, and yet here we are. Orange is in itself always an interesting colour choice, perfect for the summer with a tan, and I really love monochrome outfits, even though they’re something that ends up being quite pricey to put together; slight differences in tone are okay but if you just randomly throw together a few things and they’re too off, it really doesn’t work and you’d have been better off wearing contrasting colours. For that reason, I’m just gonna admire that all-pink outfit from a distance. 

As for Schiaparelli, it’s one I always look forwards to for the sheer weirdness. RTW isn’t quite as kooky as haute couture but still, the interesting choices are still there; what at first glance appears to be flame print is actually coils of hair, and paired with a water print suit is a sequinned jacket emblazoned with a paradisiacal mirage. Ornament-like facial decorations as seen in the over-exaggerated glasses worn with the pony hair suit are also one of my favourite new things to happen in the high fashion scene in the past couple of months and I can’t wait to see how they get watered down to become more approachable for us...regular, non-structurally blessed folks who can’t pull off anything and everything.

Simone Rocha was STUNNING. Romantic and ethereal, it’s druid goddess crossed with upper class Victorian woman of leisure, equal parts delicate and grungy, like a modern, fashion version of Lady Gaga’s Scathach in the Roanoke season of American Horror Story. You know, in the flashbacks, not in present day when she was all gross and like...scalping people and shit. Each dress is so ornate and has such an interesting structure, and the fabric choices give off an organic kinda vibe that create a handmade feel; the collection is, imo, really worthy of being shown under a haute couture heading. When it comes to my favourite element of the show, I’m torn between the petticoats and the hair accessories. I’m just gonna give a cop-out answer and say both. 

Stella McCartney on the other hand, is very much a clear ready-to-wear collection. 

It’s pretty, for sure. The pastel blazers paired with delicate white mesh tops underneath are a gorgeous combination for spring and I like the reoccurrence of the chain glasses (Gucci, right?). But I mean, when you go from Simone Rocha to this, it’s a bit anticlimactic. Plus, if I’m honest, kaftans are always going to remind me of Honey Mahogany from season 5 of Drag Race. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure she’s a lovely person but her runway looks aren’t really ones I look back fondly on, and you’re lying if you say you enjoyed them for anything other than meme purposes.

Temperley is equally meh, though the return of the Erdem-style boating hats is getting me excited that high street retailers might actually pick up on the trend and bring out some cheap ones for me to embarrass myself by wearing. 

I also love a good 70s suit, the neckerchiefs are cute and there are some really delightful prints here that are a more unique approach to florals for spring.

Coming towards the end now, next is Thom Browne:

I LOVE this. Like, don’t get me wrong Rick Owens was cool but I adore how on the nose the concept is here; time to bring back all the Marie Antoinette puns I didn’t get to use in my Versailles Instagram post. I don’t know if it’s the history buff in me or the Sofia Coppola Stan but I will always be willing to sign any kind of treaty for anything related to the excesses of the 18th century French monarchy, and this is that turned up to 1000 infused with a dash of the Teletubbies, which sounds like a nightmarish concept, I know, but as high fashion it WORKS.

Tory Burch was very commercial, seemingly half inspired by Monterey yoga moms and the other half by Hamptons socialites. 

And then there was Valentino, which was fucking exquisite, imo. LIKE, CALLING DOCLE & GABBANA: THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE TROPICAL PRINT INTERESTING. YOU MAKE THE VELVET MONKEY’S ARM THE FRICKEN WAISTBAND. 

Seriously, though, I am enamoured with this colour palette; all the whites and golds are angelic and fr, I didn’t know until now that you could make neons this elegant. I’m also getting an almost clerical feel from a lot of these looks, with the plaited waistband on the black dress that’s 7th row down in the middle, the stunning red cape and the multitude of exaggerated neck ruffs. I think I’ve mentioned before but I always love religious references in clothing-I don’t think I’ll ever get over the 2018 Met Gala-and so whether I’m reading too much into it or not, this collection really did it for me.

Whilst it’s probably as far removed a collection from Valentino’s S/S 2020 contribution you can get, I also loved Vera Wang this season. It might purely (I PROMISE THIS IS MY LAST GOSSIP GIRL REFERENCE) be because it gives me Jenny Humphrey vibes and *controversial* she did have my favourite style of any of the main characters, but sue me, this is just the right amount of late 90s/early 2000s grunge. Deconstructed trashy goth it girl is an interesting concept to see on the runway and I completely support it. 

Versace on the other hand was very hit or miss. The looks I picked out I really loved but ultimately, for one of the household name brands, a lot of the actual garments were a bit pedestrian. I will say though that for me, it’s a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. The slicked back mermaid hair and the pops of colour in the makeup and the interesting necklines meant that when it was good, it was GOOD. However, overall, still a bit too 80s Miami businesswoman, and please GOD, can we leave that hideous J-Lo dress in the past, it should really not be the climax of the show in 20-fucking-19!

As for Victoria Beckham, I liked it, but it’s a bit of a Gucci copy, no? And no way near as interesting?

And on that note, I’m gonna have to cut this off. Super annoying but with only 5 collections left that I want to talk about, Tumblr is being a little bitch and will not let me add anything more to this post. So, see you in 5 for the final post!

Lauren x

The Virgin Suicides (1999) is Sophia Coppola’s adaptation of the novel by Jeffery Eugenides, also being her first feature film. The inspiration for the film came from her discovery of the novel in her mid-20’s. Despite being told from a male perspective, the story still seems to be an extremely feminine yet morbid coming of age tale. Coppola never imagined becoming a filmmaker, with a focus upon fashion in her late teens into her 20’s. In an interview, she says how she wanted to make a teenage film unlike the others. “There aren’t alot of quality art films made for teenagers,” she said, which she effortlessly did, portraying themes of teen angst, sex, boys, a desire to break away from societal norms, and family. The film also was low budget, as the budget dissolved a week before filming. Coppola gives credit to the novel for inspiring her film career. Her herself was in her early 20’s, which is a period of time in which you are still trying to figure yourself out as you do in your teenage years. Reflecting upon the film 20 years later, she had came to the realization that despite the male focus upon the Lisbon girls, the film felt so personal and feminine as a reflection of her life growing up. She was always surrounded by men with all brothers and all male cousins, so she found solace in grasping to femininity. This being said, it reflects the personal touch the film has, almost bringing the viewer back to reminisce in their own days of teenage angst.  .

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The film encompassed everything a teenage girl experiences, but brings a situation that isn’t exemplified in the typical coming of age film. The Lisbon girls, 13 year old Cecilia, 14 year old Lux, 15 year old Bonnie, 16 year old Mary, and 17 year old Therese, lived in a home of a scholar father, and a mother who was the obvious source of dominance and constriction in the house. The girls lived an extremely strict lifestyle, never being able to have interactions outside of their home and school life, never to dress in any manner that wasn’t conservative, and especially no romantic relations. The setting of 1970’s Michigan in an extremely tight knit neighborhood made their situation stand out from the other children in the neighborhood. Everyone knew one another, even if they had never interacted; and everyone knew the mysterious Lisbon girls. The film also visits religion quite frequently. The mother, Mrs. Lisbon, is a very high strung catholic. In many scenes, starting from the very beginning there is imagery of the Virgin Mary and sigils placed seemingly everywhere. A notable symbolic image is a card of the Virgin Mary, which we see in the opening scenes as Cecelia lays unconscious in the bathtub after her first suicide attempt. The card lies on the floor, splattered in blood. The themes associated with religion seem to be displeasure and breaking away. The theme of femininity also ties into the religious aspects. Despite the girl’s disapproval yet lack of voice upon their mother’s strictness and beliefs, every religious image is very feminized. Every time we see a rosary, or crosses, they are always surrounded by jewelry, flowers, perfume, intricate glass wear, makeup or small trinkets. The ratio to these objects is usually many feminine items with just one or two religious symbols, which displays an overpowerment that they could never express themselves. There is a profound sense of freedom the girls display, yet having no freedom at all. They are restricted by the boundaries of the religious values their mother follows, yet still embrace their girlhood and find ways to enjoy their femininity despite this. 

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. The most profound technique I found in the film was the use of the soundtrack in accordance to each scene. For example, in this particular scene, the girls had begun to communicate with the boys through morse code; due to Lux not coming home on the night of prom, the girls were under house arrest. Lux was forced to burn all of her records, so the boys spend hours upon hours playing music through the phone for the girls. In this scene which shows a progression of the boys projecting the music overtime, and the girls listening, the song “Alone Again Naturally,” by Gilbert O’ Sullivan. Although the boys never personally knew the Lisbon girls, and had had only one interaction with them at most, there was a sense of loneliness coming from the boys as they dedicated so much time to please the girls. The girls had been granted the slightest amount of freedom to attend the dance, and because of Lux never returning home that night, they had once again returned to seclusion, but even stronger than before. In another scene, during Cecilia’s party, as she excuses herself, the song “The Air that I Breathe,” by the Hollies plays. In some sense, it acts as very ironic foreshadowing. For the entire duration of her party, Cecilia sat alone in the corner, while all of the other boys socialized with the older girls. Joe, the boy with special needs, was the only one kind enough to say hello to Cecilia and give her attention. The music abruptly stops when a sound is heard, and the father is found standing outside with Cecilia’s lifeless body impaled through a spoke in the fence.  .

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This scene in particular occurs directly after Trip leaves the Lisbon household after spending time with Lux as the mother sat in between them. Trip goes to his car, flustered and sits back in the seat with his head back and eyes closed, visibly flustered. From his body language, you can assume that this response was due to the lust from Lux’s embraced sexuality that she displayed very quietly so no one would catch on besides Trip. Through his car window we see the upstairs middle light turn on, which we can assume to be the parent’s bedroom. The car door opens, and Lux jumps in and immediately begins to make out with Trip. At the same time, the song “Crazy on You,” by Heart plays. The dynamic in this scene has clear sexual tension, and also highlights the theme of disobedience and teenage angst. Trip knew what he was getting himself into by trying for a girl in such a reserved family, but also with the knowledge that Lux had a personality unlike her sisters. In the reading “Pleasure in Looking/ Fascination with the Human Form,” the term scopophilia is brought up, which is the pleasure of looking. In Freudian theory, humans enjoy viewing things that bring them pleasure, and the idea of voyueristic viewing enhances this pleasure further. Cinema essentially fulfills every aspect of scopophilia; we as the viewers are watching Lux and Trip has this passionate moment, and as a viewer of two subjects within a scene, there is no possible way for them to have any knowledge of this. Having insight into an intimate moment reflects upon the viewer, and you can almost relate the the sexual tension from a personal reflection of your own experiences, and from your own teenage years.

.

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The film definitely acts as the most absurd coming of age movie you can get. In comparison to a film such as say, Sixteen Candles, there is no existential crisis that is met with a resolution that acts a life lesson. The boys are under the impression they will final have the moment they craved since the beginning of the film; to take the girls and run off and have what they imagined to be the time of their life. Instead, the girls had other plans the entire time. As the boys wait, each girl meets her demise. Bonnie was hanging, Therese overdoses on pills, and Lux is found with her fingers still clutching a cigarette, dead in the garage from carbon monoxide poisoning. If anything, the film is an anti coming of age film, yet the strong vibes of femininity and softness make the viewer feel as if it’s the complete opposite. Surely families exist as the Lisbon’s, yet the strong theme of escapism through death is hard to tell as the movie progresses. 

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The tile of the film itself relates back to the major theme of religion. This theme doesn’t feel so prevalent aside from the imagery, but breaking it down becomes more understandable. In Catholocism, a virgin is a figure of purity, free of sin. The Virgin Mary was a saint because she was so pure, and conceived a child while never having sex, upholding her virginity. Despite Lux losing her virginity to Trip, the girls were viewed by everyone around them as completely pure girls who were perfect from their blonde hair down to their mysterious nature. All of the sisters met their demise through suicide, Cecilia being the first and the rest through a suicide pact. The title has two contradicting topics in nature; virginity and suicide. Maybe this acts as a not so gentle reminder that absolute purity does not always equate to perfection, as the matriarch mother believed. In fact, she believed that she raised her children perfectly and never did anything wrong. The film makes you question where true happiness actually comes from. In the mind of the family, upholding perfect standards of purity and Catholic values, and sheltering the girls from anything that could harm them, was the best way. The girls always wanted freedom, even if Lux was the forefront of breaking away from her family’s expectations. In the end, there is no perfect definition of what true happiness is. Everyone will always want what they truly desire, not what others confine them to. – JA

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https://theplaylist.net/sofia-coppola-criterion-virgin-suicides-20180502/2/

. Mulvey, Laura. “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” [1975]. Feminist Film Theory: A Reader. Ed. Sue Thornham. New York: New York University Press, 1999. 58-69.

. https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/jan/25/sofia-coppola-on-the-virgin-suicides-director-debut

. https://thedissolve.com/features/movie-of-the-week/1076-the-virgin-suicides-is-a-window-into-sofia-coppola/

Shockwave 3/5

[read from the start; read ch.2 read it on ao3]

[Buddie fic, angst with happy ending; hurt/comfort; explosions; PTSD; I don’t even know]

To say that Eddie is exhausted is an understatement, when the doctor, a less than 6 feet tall man with a head as round and shiny as a billiard ball, enters the room.

At first, he had a bit of trouble following the flow of doc’s speech, the confusion that echoes in his head. But when Buck takes his hand and squeezes it gently, it helps him to focus. He is there, Evan, this is the meaning of that gentle grip, he is there , and he will not go anywhere else.

They have always been pretty good at non-verbal communication, the two of them, even before ending up together. And when the doctor, this Ramirez? Maybe. Tells him that they will have to perform a series of tests, perhaps a vaguely worried sigh escapes Eddie’s lips, while he tightens his grip on Evan’s hand.

He doesn’t even know how, maybe because Evan is his usual incredible charming self, but, somehow, he doesn’t leave him alone even for a moment. He followed him even when he had to get an MRI, something Eddie could happily live without, really. Buck must have given free rein to all his impossible charm to convince the doctors to let him use the microphone to speak to Eddie, his gentle husky voice loud enough to overpower the atrocious noise that that machine makes. Or maybe it was enough to see how good he had been to calm him down before, because when Eddie had to let go of Buck’s hand it seemed they were abandoning him in the middle of nowhere. His breath itching at the back of his throat.

However, the fact is that Eddie feels better, gradually, more lucid, and gradually responds better and better. He also remembers to thank and be polite, even with that weird nurse who absolutely wanted to accompany him to the bathroom. Buck intervened at that moment and took him to the bathroom and waited for him outside, his voice reassuring behind the closed door. He kept talking and talking and talking, until they went back to the little room that smells like antiseptic and disinfectant and made Eddie sit at a table for another long battery of assessments.

Evan was there with him even when he wasn’t supposed to, during that long clinical test to evaluate his cognitive skills. Usually in these cases the patient must sit continuously for the whole time of the test, and the environment must be free from distractions, but Buck was there, sitting with his thigh rubbing against his, a comforting hand on the small of his back.

And it took forever to weigh even his balance, first on one leg and then on another, with his eyes closed and open, taping his nose, and things like that, the usual. Then the reflexes with that damn point gavel. And his ribs hurt so much, even before sitting down again and continuing with other cognitive tests, this time in front of a laptop.

Eddie is exhausted at the end of the visit. Buck has been with him all the time, without saying a word. As soon as Dr. Ramirez leaves them alone for a moment to conclude the evaluations, manual in hand, Eddie sags in Buck’s arms.

Evan sighs softly, his lips against his hair. “You were good, you were so good.” he tells him, holding him closer, and it almost seems that Evan also needs that contact, that isn’t only Eddie the one looking for that warmth. “You deserved all the drawings that Chris has done for you... and also the little surprise that is coming...” he says slowly, such fondness, such affection in his voice.

Eddie grunts a loud pained groan as he finally slips into bed and stretches his legs and leans his back against the thin, uncomfortable and all frayed mattress. “I just want to go home”.

Buck’s phone chirps with a message and he doesn’t even look at the screen, he just smiles at him with his bright and impossible smile. “Try to be a collaborative patient, Eds.” he says calmly. “I’m sure you will feel better as soon as they arrive...”.

Evan moves to walk away for a moment and Eddie reaches out and pulls him towards the bed.  “Stay here, stay here please,” he says, finally out loud.

Buck sits on the edge of the bed, all the weight on his healthy leg, and leans over him and blows a kiss on the edge of his forehead. “You have to drink at least a little bit. You have to hydrate yourself... you will get a lot of wrinkles if you don’t hydrate enough...”.

Eddie snorts and with an unimaginable effort moves on his side, the one that hurts the least. And he curls up around Buck, his knees rubbing close to Buck’s side and an arm around his waist, and he pulls him against him, enough to put his weight on that uncomfortable mattress. “I want to go home,” he snorts. “I just want to go home, to Christopher, with you... and forget about this shitty day and...”.

Buck places a hand behind his neck and looks at him, with a soft half-smile. He seems to be thinking about what to say while gently caresses the hairline at the base of Eddie’s neck with his thumb. “I’m sure they will discharge you tomorrow, and you must be fit for our little hurricane... he spent the day with your abuelita, he sure is hyperactive from sugars by now...”.

“No. I want to go home now.” he reiterates.

“Oh, Eddie, I didn’t make you such an uncooperative patient, you know the drill better than me. And, now that I think about it… when the nurse woke you up a few hours ago, you insulted her with a grunt in Spanish. Let’s hope she didn’t take it...” he says, and seems to ignore him.

But Eddie doesn’t give up, “I want to go home, Ev. I just want to go to bed with you and forget for once the rule we have with Christopher and sleep together... all the three of us… and...”.

“It’s not a good idea, Eds” Buck declares after a long moment of silence, while carding his fingers slowly in Eddie’s hair.

There is a point, more or less at the height of the occipital bone that hurts a lot, and it is as if Buck knows it, because his touch becomes even lighter.

Eddie wants to protest, but Buck continues.

“Even if we go home, I’ll still have to wake you up every three hours, and tomorrow is a school day and Christopher has to rest well, otherwise you know he becomes grumpy just like you.” he says, a soft amusement in his voice.

“Oh, come on!” Eddie groans. He remembers it: tomorrow is Saturday, and they have a nice free day already planned, camping in the backyard in the evening, watching the stars until Christopher falls asleep and they will put him back in his bed.

Buck huffs. “Trust me, it’s a very bad idea,”.

Eddie snorts loudly. And his ribcage hurts, in that position, with that respiratory movement, or just in general, but he has an almost physiological need for that contact, and that’s why he wants to get out of there, and go home. Hop in their bed and being the little spoon. “This confirms me that it’s indeed a great idea,” he mutters.

Buck growls annoyed and stops stroking his head. “You’re joking, right? These are not our agreements, Edmundo, I am not the responsible adult. And you know that. You are with me for my looks and not my brain…” he adds, a sour but friendly tone.

Edmundo.  He says it in the same peremptory tone that Ramon Diaz used when he was a young highschool kid. Buck is usually much kinder, almost amused, when he uses that name, his full name. But perhaps Eddie shouldn’t read us much in that severe tone of his. In the end, it is inserted into a kind of inside joke all their own.

“I just want to go home. With you and Christopher.”  Eddie repeats listlessly, tightening his grip on him more. He just wants to go back to his house, get into bed and pull Buck on him and forget, forget that bad joke that made his head and that bad day they spent. Feeling alive and whole. He wants to hug his son, so strong that he would protest with his giggles, and he simply wants to forget.

Buck snorts. “You’re the judicious one, I don’t─” he begins to say, a certain piqued tone in his voice. But then he sighs. “You should think about it, it’s a bad idea. You should stay here at least until tomorrow morning, they’ll keep you under observation for a while and... then we’ll go, okay?”.

“I just hit my head... it’s not that bad, I mean, I’m already awake! Besides, you’ve had worse, I had worse… you know.” he replies, looking up at Buck, who looks outside, now that the curtains are open to give more visibility during his tests, and the damp smell of the evening air enters from the half-open window.

He stays silent for a couple of moments. Eddie hears him breathing between his gritted teeth, is jaw clenched.

So, Eddie hurries to speak again, it was an unfortunate choice of words and usually Buck jokes about it, his usual bad luck or something on that lines… “Don’t worry, I just... I just want to─” he then shuts up and looks at the window. The sky still has some splashes of red and orange, while the night stretches on the horizon. And maybe, if they weren’t there, they would be enjoying that beautiful sunset. And that would be the perfect time to ask him, to kneel and say those words that weigh on his heart.

And maybe something clicks in his mind. The sun was already setting, when they got to that damn building. That’s why they had to find only two security guards and not all the staff in there.

He reaches out to pick up his hand. Evan’s fingers curl around his and return the hold. He turns his gaze on him and Eddie sees them, his eyes, rimmed red, tiredness overflowing them and something else.

A bitter laugh escapes Evan, a strange hilarity that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I risked breaking my neck, in fact... since you clearly threw me down the stairs. I could have broken my head like a watermelon, Eddie, what the hell! Not all of us are as lucky as you, that you fall for two damned floors and in the end you are somehow in one piece” he mutters, and then purses his lips in a sneer smile of his. “One can’t beat death to hide and seek all these times, huh... you know I’m not such a lucky guy... my sister pokes my ass at poker every single time we play…”.

Eddie stirs a bot around him and then laughs at the thought of Buck’s confused look, every time Maddie beats him: he still hasn’t figured out what the weak point of his poker face is. And laughing hurts so much, but he has to grit his teeth, because, hell, he wants to go home. He just wants to go home.

“Ah, you can’t laugh! You are all battered!” Buck mutters bending over him, a tone a little too amused for his tastes, and Eddie heaves out a groan. “See? You have to stay here a little longer”.

“Don’t you want to go home?” he asks straightening up and, yes, in fact that shiver of pain that runs through his ribs seems nothing good. But he already misses that contact, he already misses feeling Buck all over him, and they aren’t even that far from each other right now. “You are almost as exhausted as me and... and I actually knocked you down the stairs. In my defence? I wanted to avoid you ending up under a pile of debris...” and saying it out loud, makes his stomach tighten at the mere idea, at the memory of the terror that invaded every fibre of his body back in that damn building. He bites the inside of his cheek, and squeezes his lips.

Buck snorts and nervously runs a hand through his hair and when he is about to get up Eddie anchors him, holding his shirt in his hand. “Eddie,” he murmurs softly. “Until a few hours ago it was difficult for you to keep your eyes open for about ten minutes, the nurse would come here to wake you up every three hours because...” he stops and shakes his head, clearing his throat. “You are still lethargic now. You slurred a lot more before, yeah… and before the testing even started, you seemed dazed, and you response was delayed… and probably if I’d let you up and you took a couple of steps more, all alone too far, your head would spin and... and...” he continues to say, a river of words, his voice wobbling. “And then the episode… Eddie you really should─”.

Eddie doesn’t have time to think and opens his mouth and gives it breath. “Suck it up, Evan... You’re the usual overdramatic” he mutters. “I just had an episode and... I hit my head, alright…” he begins to say “It was already afternoon when we arrived at that building... the sun has just set... and, between the test and the MRI, I have been awake for at least three hours now... it is not possible that...”.

Evan looks at him, motionless. He blinks twice and it almost seems that his eyelids are full of liquid glue because when he opens them again, his eyelashes seem greasy and sticky. He runs his hand over his face, rubs his eyes and sighs, before running his hand through his hair twice, again. He bites his lip then. “I’m sorry… I’m… Yes, maybe I’m dramatic,” he says monotonously. And he only heard that tone a few times. And Eddie doesn’t want to remember when he heard it, because it brings bad thoughts to his mind. “I’ll suck it up...” he groans, but then stretches out a fake shit-eating smiles of his, that doesn't reach his eyes, that seem like a storm, grey and all off “I'm quite good at sucking, right?”.

Ah shit! Eddie doesn’t even have time to open his mouth. Evan’s expression takes his breath away: he stares at him for a moment, before speaking. His eyes are empty, red and watery with puffy and bright dark circles underneath. But then he breathes a long sigh. And when Eddie is about to speak, this time he hears the unmistakable ticking of Christopher’s crutches closer and closer, until he sees his dazzling smile.

“Daddy!” chirps his beautiful resilient son hurrying to enter. “Bucky!”

Tìa Pepa and abuela follow suit, and perhaps say something along the lines of “You shouldn’t run in the hospital corridors”.

Buck leaves Eddie only now, for this very good reason, to scoop Christopher up and helping him on the bed. “I told you Daddy was fine, Superman”.

“It’s true!” Chris quips, throwing himself into Eddie’s arms in a strange, not very impetuous, almost tentative way. “You took good care of my daddy, kid!”.

“I’m fine, buddy. I also did a lot of tests, they’ll let me out shortly, I bet,” he adds.

“Eddie,” Evan calls him softly, Ramon Diaz’s peremptory tone a distant memory in his voice as he rolls his eyes.

“Are you always the usual plaintive patient, Eddito?” babbles abuela, before hugging Buck and then reaching out and taking his face in her hands. “Come here Evanito, let me take a good look at your beautiful face. Is it possible that four days in the hospital and you look as fresh as a rose?”.

“Oh it’s because I moisturize,” Evan replies chuckling.

Eddie frowns. Four days? Like four days? He must have misheard.

Christopher squeezes Eddie closer. “Do I hurt you, Daddy?”.

“You? No, absolutely not,” he replies, stroking the curls on the back of his boy’s neck and also squeezing his arm on his small back.

“You have to tell me which product you use, Evan. Because Eddie here will make us all age ahead of time!” Pepa grumbles, blowing a noisy kiss on Buck’s cheek, before turning his attention to Eddie. “And how are you?”.

“I’m tired and I want to go home,” he mumbles.

“Eddie...” Evan speaks again, a bit louder this time.

“What? Iwant to go home, I just hit my head there is nothing dramatic, or serious, okay? Don’t overreact, Ev.” he reiterates tightening his grip on Christopher.

Evan rolls his eyes, huffing loudly and scratches the back of his neck in defeat. “I’m going to make a couple of... phone calls, now that you’re there, I’m also having a coffee, do you want something from the cafeteria?”.

The two women shake their heads. And Christopher doesn’t seem to listen, so Buck shrugs and walks out the door, not even looking at Eddie.

“Eddie you have to stop being so grumpy, huh. That poor boy has always been here with you... and he was scared to death, you know?” Pepa mumbles.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Evan goes a bit overboard, you know? I’m good.” he adds before focusing on his son. “Hey, I can’t wait to go home so we can do our camping in the backyard, what do you say? It was our plan for this weekend...”.

“Daddy, silly! It’s tuesday! I have school tomorrow, and this weekend I have that sleepover at Joel’s...” replies Christopher giggling. “You hit your head hard, did you forget the days of the week?”.

“Tuesday” Eddie repeats. The last memory he has is of that Friday, in that damned building.

“Eddie let’s not talk now. You were unconscious for the majority of the past few days” abuela mutters gesturing towards Christopher, before bending down to kiss him on the forehead and sitting on the bed. “Evan is calling Ramon, your father has stressed him a lot these days. It took me to prevent them from deciding to come here to create even more panic...” she adds.

“Four days? Is it really four days?” Eddie asks, his voice tight in the back of his throat.

Pepa snorts and nods again, indicating Christopher who has his head sunk under Eddie’s neck. “It’s true, dad has hit his head pretty hard, Chris, that’s why you’ve been at abuela’s these days, so Buck could take good care of your dad” nods Pepa.

“My Bucky is the best!” chirps Christopher. “In fact, Daddy is really good now”.

“Oh yes, he is” Eddie replies smiling in his kid’s hair, the soft scent of his maple shampoo that annihilates the smell of disinfectants. He tries to smile as his usual, without thinking about the fact that he actually snapped to Buck, like twice for being overdramatic. His heart clenching in his ribcage. “It is only thanks to Buck that I am so well. Thank to Buck and you, as always,” he adds.

Christopher raises his head and gives him one of his impossible smiles. “Does your head hurt?”

“No, all the hurt is gone as soon as you arrived,” he nods.

“Christopher will stay with me, even tonight and I think tomorrow if they discharge you...” abuela says to him, taking his face in his hands.

“I think I can go out today, they kept me under observation and then we are first responders, we know all the various symptoms by heart... we’ll be fine” he replies. “And Chris can also stay home with us. I’m sure we could take good care of him”.

“Better not. You both need to rest,” mutters Pepa, her eyes stern, the same look as his father.

“Yes, and then abuela must teach me how to make tamales!” chirps Christopher. “So I teach it to Bucky!”.

“You can teach me too, if you want...” Eddie mumbles.

And Christopher giggles amused. “No, you would burn them”.

“Hey now!” Eddie groans.

A small cough makes him come out of that little bubble. There’s Dr. Ramirez by the door, Evan behind him.

“So, Edmundo... I’d ask the rest of your family to wait outside for a moment, if you don’t mind,” the doc says, his glasses lowered to the tip of his nose as he flips through his file.

Pepa and abuela help Christopher get down of the bed and go slowly out. They greet and thank the doctor politely, and abuela squeezes Evan’s arm with one hand, a small smile on her lips.

He sees Buck say something to Pepa, something Eddie can’t hear properly, Pepa nods and gives him a small pat on his cheek.

“Your scans are clean, we are positive to assume that there seems to be no focal damage, and you’ve had full marks on the battery of tests you’ve performed...” he mumbles. “Evan told me you would like to go home”.

Eddie flashes Buck a smile, a silent thank you that lingers in the air, before shifting back his attention to the doctor. “I wish, yes,” he nods.

“Well, I don’t see why not. I know you two are first responders. Evan told me you’re a field medic...” he adds. “I’m sure, you will know how to take care of each other,”.

Eddie looks at Buck triumphantly, but he shrugs “If you dare say again that I taught your son puppy eyes, Eddie, I swear to god...”.

Eddie smiles and says nothing, makes the gesture of closing his lips with a zip.

Dr. Ramirez smiles warmly, and then continues. “I wouldn’t let you out if it weren’t for Evan to stay here another day. Both of you must rest, huh?” he grumbles.

Four days at his bedside, that should have been painful to watch. Eddie feels his heart do a very unpleasant leap in his chest. “Sure” he nods, bottling his thoughts back. “Thanks doctor, we will certainly take care of...” he begins to say.

“Don’t make me regret it, Edmundo... Evan was discharged three and a half days ago, but you have been unconscious for almost four whole days… and even if you aced your tests, you may have symptoms…” the doctor reiterates.

Evan looks away, a little pained expression on his face, but then clears his throat. “I’ll make sure he is alright, doc. Thanks” he murmurs, softly. “As I said previously, he has a very thick skull, he’s always this stubborn, it isn’t because he hit his head…” he adds, a strange fondness in his voice, his smile however doesn’t reach his eyes, which still seem to be the stormy sea.

The doctor laughs softly. “He hit his head pretty bad”.

“You made it very clear in the beginning of this misadventure” Buck says, politely.

“My wife works with Maddie, and she asked to keep an eye on you... normally I couldn’t discharge you immediately, not after all the time you have been unconscious... but the exams are all in your favour, Edmundo, so I expect a full recovery for you," he adds.

Eddie sees Evan breathe a sigh of relief, his shoulders finally relaxing.

“Follow the usual precautions, of course, you know the drill… at the first sign of lethargy, confusion... you have to come back here. I’ll leave you my number, possibly I’ll come and check you in person.” Doc says, handing him a paper card, with an intricate motif reminiscent of a blue Asclepius stick in the corner. “You have cracked ribs, nothing too serious, but you will have to rest for at least a week. No sex for at least three days,” he adds with a serious gaze, pitch black eyes peering at him.

Eddie purses his lips, and nods, trying to keep a serious expression on his face, while Evan chuckles behind him.

“The same goes for you, Evan,” Dr. Ramirez says. “I remember what it was like when I was your age, therefore, hands and appendages in their places for at least a couple of days. If the sense of lethargy passes, and you have no nausea or confusion, or headaches... you can do some little things, but nothing to exhausting, understood?” he babbles, writing a quick note on a white sheet before handing it to Buck. “Follow the protocol and wake him up every three hours, as scheduled until tomorrow afternoon. Here you have the prescriptions, go to the pharmacy before you get to the parking lot. I prepare the discharge form, and you are free now”.

Evan quickly reads the prescriptions. “Those are really strong pain meds. They are giving you the good stuff, Eddie!” he murmurs, before thanking the doctor politely, while folding the sheets in four and putting them in the back pocket.

When the doctor leaves, Eddie stretches out his arms towards him, in the most inviting way he can. “You asked him”.

But Buck doesn’t even look at him, he walks around the bed and starts to rummage in a bag that Pepa brought just a couple of minutes ago, his back to Eddie. “I’m not a horrible person, Eddie. You want to go home, let’s go home. But at the first sign of malaise I bring you back here, you understand?”.

Eddie could swear to hear all his bones crack when he gets out of bed and reaches for him. “Ev” he calls him softly and squeezes his shoulder. “Could you look at me for a moment, please?”.

Evan executes the order, moving slowly and turning towards Eddie, rising his head, just enough to look at him. So tall, yet he makes himself so small every single time something like this happens. It’s like he belittles himself even more.

“I’m fine, I swear. And if I should feel weak, dizzy, lethargic, have trouble staying awake or... seeing, hearing... standing... I swear, I swear mi amor, I’ll tell you and we’ll come here all over again. I just want to go home, with you and...” he stops.

Evan looks at him, his eyes shiny, watery and red and stretches his arms to pull him on his chest. “Four days, Eddie. Four days.” he murmurs, his face squished in the crook of Eddie’s neck, while he holds him close but his hands and harm are feather-like, as if Eddie was something about to break, something made of thin crystals. And when he rests his head on his shoulder and heaves a long sigh, Eddie feels his heart grow small in his chest.

Suck it up.  he said. What a horrible person.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me...” he manages to say moving back from Evan’s chest just enough to cup his face and direct it to make him look up. “I’m so sorry, mi amor”.

Evan clears his throat, blinking twice and wrinkling his nose. “Let’s not think about it now,” he says, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue. “I’ll help you get dressed and let’s go home, Pepa will take us…”.

Eddie nods, moving a bit to leave a quick peck on his cheekbone. “Great. Have you talked to my father?” he asks softly.

“Your mother, actually. She knew you were going to be unbearable and they would kick your butt, and let you out in no time” he mutters, shrugging his shoulders and moving to retrieve a pair of pants and a shirt from that gym bag. “Her words, not mine. You are the usual adorable Edmundo, all grumpy and growling”.

"Hey!” Eddie grumbles, pretending to be insulted. “I hope you defended me”.

“Of course not, your mama knows you, Eds” he grumbles as he approaches him, one of his shit-eating grins printed on his face. “He’s right. You are lucky that Maddie and her colleague have put in a good word, and I am my usual charming self otherwise you stayed here, your ass on that shitty mattress”.

Eddie reaches out to steal a quick kiss on his lips, a soft smile on his face. And it’s like being in their little bubble again, and Eddie would like to give him more kisses, deepen that contact. Apologizing with his body, before his words, he is not good at words, but Buck withdraws with a grunt.

“We must hurry. You know your tìa is going to be unsufferable… and Christopher has to go to school tomorrow... I have to help you get dressed, go to the pharmacy to pick up your painkillers...” he mumbles.

Eddie groans again.

“Oh come on! Hop, hop!” Buck urges him around to loosen his hospital gown. “Let’s take it easy, okay? You’re all sore and battered,” he adds.

And he is extremely tender, when Evan helps him to pull that piece of cloth away, Eddie seems to be fragile, like crystal, to handle with care. And perhaps the little groan that escapes his lips when he finally pulls that gown away, is only a confirmation for Buck.

“Shit, sorry, sorry” he mumbles, moving slowly to pick up his face and direct it towards his, to rest a kiss on the edge of his forehead. “Let’s do it slower. Luckily they brought you a light shirt, so it’s easier to get you dressed” he adds and focuses his eyes on him. He blinks twice and sighs, before going back to work.

“Hm? What’s up?” mumbles looking down. His chest, his side, are a constellation of bruises. Bad memories seem to mount in his head. The fighting, the well, all those times that could have gone wrong and it was even worse. “I’m fine, Ev, I swear”.

Buck swallows twice and slowly nods his head. “I just have to remember it”.

“I think we have to talk, you and me,” Eddie murmurs, caressing slowly the side of his face, his thumb that reaches for his birthmark. “You have to tell me, everything that happened, alright? Let it out, we are alive. We are alive and kicking, you said that to me, all battered and cracked up, but... we are alive. I’m saying it to you, now”.

And Buck heaves a shaky sigh with a tight jaw. “We are talking home”.

“Yeah, let’s go home,” Eddie murmurs.

And maybe in that speech that awaits them at home, he can actually ask him what hovers in the back of his heart.

[trying to tag @sparksfly-buddie; @buckleystrand; @chrrlees and whoever wants to be tagged]

If Olga had children, what do you imagine they would be like?

Oh, I created a batch of those years ago. This pic’s from 2014:

To create OC kids, there’s a lot of junk you have to consider. Mother, father, family, parenting styles, income, environment, and all the ways these things might come together to form a person. And thinking about Olga as a mother has always been… fucking hysterical, honestly. Like can you imagine? Can you stand it? I’ve only ever been able to think about it in short bursts because it’s too much for me. It’s too much. 

There’s also The Patakis to think about, and the ways Olga is likely to change as she gets older. Lucky for my sanity, I see her developing into a calmer, wiser, less chaotic sort of person. Less luckily, I don’t see this being a particularly significant development. It doesn’t matter if she’s 20 or 50, she’ll always be Olga Pataki and Olga Pataki is ridiculous. I don’t want to say she’d be a bad mom, but… she wouldn’t be a very good mom, either? She’d do some things right and other things very wrong. I’ll get into that, but lemme just do a quick rundown of the other basic considerations here: dad, income, and environment. 

I created a husband for Olga around the same time I made these kids, but I never developed him very far past a few basic traits and a general backstory. So he’s very basic, but he works. Charles was a good friend from Wellington College (in England) who shared most of her English classes, was the only one to maintain contact with her after she transferred to Bennington, came from money, raised by nannies, bit of a nervous wreck but hides it well because that’s how he was taught–to be pent up and twitchy. His fam wanted him to be a lawyer or business man but he quietly rebelled by becoming an English major instead, knowing full well how useless a degree it is and not caring at all. He eventually goes on to be a successful playwright, though, and Olga performs in all his plays. So, income would be decent verging on very decent, and their kids would grow up somewhere teeming with theatrical opportunities. Probably somewhere really crowded and loud and pretentious.  

Getting right into it then, from left to right, we have Angelique, Helena, and Genevieve, because Olga’s That Bitch. They attend(ed) a fancy private school because Olga’s That Bitch. They’re all very well-read, well-traveled and “well-behaved” because Olga’s That Bitch. But since Olga is, as specified, That Bitch, her kids didn’t escape her influence unscathed. 

Tbh, I do think any kids Olga would have would be Pretty Good Kids™– barring her having any with an absolute scumbag like she so easily could, but that’s another question entirely (I write fluff and comedy, so these kids reflect that) – but. Hmm. I see Mom!Olga being extremely affectionate, extremely emotional, and frequently selfish; generally hella overbearing; definitely stifling. And she wouldn’t want to, but I can’t see her not on some level perceiving her children as extensions of herself, and thus incapable of coping with anything less than Excellence on their parts. Not to say that I think she’d be a monster. I don’t think she’d force them into things or demand they win awards or anything like what Bob or Miriam did to her, but being in the same room as her with a less than impressive report card would be… uncomfortable. And that’d be on top of her always being in their business, looking over their shoulders, and constantly trying to spend quality time with them. Even when they don’t want to spend time with her, and so help any of them that say as much, because Olga’s incredibly sensitive. So layers upon layers of bad, there.

Some rebellion would be expected, then, so Genevieve gets into the goth punk scene. She’s more casual about it as an adult, but Olga doesn’t understand her. Helena uses comedy and misdirection as a defense and smiles very big and very nervous when her mom’s lip wobbles at her a little too expressively. Angelique straight up hides from her. She used to be sweeter, used to gently comfort her mom whenever she inadvertently did anything that upset her, but it took a toll on her and she can’t handle crying, or disappointment, or criticism, and she hates explaining herself so she avoids ever needing to. She’s a little emotionally underdeveloped, as a result. Not good for anyone to avoid conflict.

I also see Olga babying the hell out of her kids, so that would be another reason for Genevieve to rebel and Angelique to be Babey. In some ways, it’d be good, like they’d be generally very sweet kids, but I’m not sure how emotionally stable they’d be. Better than Olga, at least. Their methods of coping with heartbreak and life’s little every day tragedies would be… interesting, though. I sense a lot of Beethoven’s 5689574th and other general dramatics. Dancing, ice cream, black mourning veils being broken out over the smallest things. Either that or just complete repression.

Since you asked specifically how I imagined the kids, I’ll go ahead and give a messy little bio on each.

Genevieve: I wanted to play with the dichotomy of the Posh Gifted Nerd archetype and the Cold Badass Rebel archetype. Bob has an influence on her in that he’s something of a military enthusiast (I guess?), and I see Genevieve being lowkey into that as a kid, until she gets older and learns more about what goes on overseas and how much carbon emission hummers give off. Incorporates a lot of her old camouflage into her goth punk looks as a mocking salute to that now. Proudly rides on the outskirts of society in her down time, but she’s the most academically-driven out of her sisters and was absolutely Valedictorian. Reads a lot of books, a lot of Smart Person magazines, and listens to a wide range of music (classical, alternative, showtunes, punk, jazz). Creative. Loves history, but especially the Georgian, Victorian and Edwardian periods of Europe. Super into black pearls and lace. Bit nihilistic, but cares a lot about everything. Always gets into very interesting conversations with Helga, but Olga has no clue how to talk to her.

Angelique: I already kinda rambled about her, but she’s my All Natural Girl. No makeup, no piercings, had to be talked into using conditioner, almost gave up shampoo once (bad month for everyone). Shy, sweet, sensitive. Concerned with the world at large. She tries to be an academic like her family but she’s really not. She dresses and behaves like a perfect little nerd, but school doesn’t interest her, and she feels hella guilty and self-loathing about it. All she ever really wants to do is watch trashy made-for-TV dramas, cook/bake and moon hopelessly over guys. DIY af, buys nothing new. Is Babey. Soft clothes, soft eyes, a little messy and chaotic. Constant low-level thrum of anxiety. Rumpled button-ups and over-worn sweaters energy, forever jeans, rarely in skirts because skirts are stressful. That character you forget and underestimate but shocks you with insight from time to time. Will probably end up a baker or smthn. The oldest of the kids, actually, though she rarely acts like it.

Helena: That girl who raids your fridge, chews twelve sticks of gum and paints your nails whether you want her to or not. No sense of personal space, very touchy-feely, always wants to braid hair and thinks makeup on dudes is the greatest invention ever. Goes against the dress code at her school very brazenly but gets away with it because her work is excellent and the teachers adore her. Attitude in spades but she’s a sweetheart. Lots of friends. Loves her mom to death but tends to avoid her without quite meaning to. More Daddy’s girl, though she avoids him, too. Parents are no fun. Thinks her Aunt Helga and Uncle Arnold are the absolute shit, because why would we want to live in a world where she didn’t?

And that’s my take. There are lots different ways Olga With Kids could go down, but Intense and Stifling are pretty much the two things I see as being universal variables in the equation. So, yeah. Maybe a little less fluffy than originally intended, but Idk. These are old designs. Other drawings and further information on these kids here and here. Shown pic here. I hope this was helpful anyway. Have a good.

Kimblee for the give me character ask ^^

Heck Y E S!! I’ve been waiting to be asked about my favorite garbage man! Bring. it. on.  

How I feel about this character:

Frankly, Kimblee’s a complete ass. He’s obviously a psychopath; perfectly content to swallow a stone made from death and blow whatever’s in front of him sky high just because he thinks it’s fun. He’s evil, and he’s loving every minute of it. 

“Shoutings of agony are like lullabies for me!”

*ahem*

That being said, it would’ve been so easy for his character to end there. Here’s a bad guy. He does some bad stuff. You know, because he’s bad. But damn, did Arakawa roll with his character! Though he’s not a major villain in the story, Kimblee’s still incredibly complex, and that makes him a fantastic character. 

It’s easy to pull the crazy card, and say that there isn’t strong motivation for him to be so incredibly evil. For example, Scar is pushed to murder because of the horrifying circumstances he was put through, all fueled by religious dogma. Kimblee on the other hand, to quote: 

“What can be more beautiful than doing a job that puts your soul at risk?! That’s what it means to be alive!”

Kimblee likes the battlefield, likes killing people, because it gives him a rush. Like instead of skydiving, you get your thrill on at a massacre. It’s a disturbing motivation, but what drives him all the same. It’s sick and twisted, but he’s, you know, a psychopath. And by god how does this man, for just how awful he can be, have so much charisma??? As soon as the handcuffs are off, this man is decked out to the nines in a goddamn white three-piece suit and matching fedora (and sometimes a scarf if it’s chilly). He’s got style I must admit. 

Also, despite knowledge of his terrifying antics in Ishval, to those who don’t know him (and even those who do), he comes off as dangerously charming. Ed had to warn Winry about him because without knowing just who he was, she didn’t hesitate to be kind to him, since well, that’s the first impression she got of him. The way he portrays himself to strangers is almost regal, especially if he has something to gain from an interaction. He’s not just a weapon, but a manipulator, which is a combination that’s beautifully terrifying to watch in action. 

Although we don’t know much about his backstory beyond Ishval, several of his notable quotes from brotherhood do quite a decent job of giving some insight into the philosophies and morals (?) that drive him. For example: 

“The one thing worse than death is to avert your eyes from it. Look straight at the people you kill. Don’t take your eyes off them for a second. And don’t ever forget them, because I promise that they won’t forget you.”

For someone who took many lives in Ishval, this belief of his is strangely bordering on… honorable? It’s a warning to his fellow soldiers not to distance themselves from the killing they do. It’s something that will stain the rest of their existence. I also remember Riza making a similar comment, saying that the crime of the lives she took was something she’d carry with her until death. This leads me to believe that Kimblee doesn’t disregard human life, or abide by some sort of a personal belief system. This is a perfect example of Arakawa’s great talent of graying the chasm between good and evil. Kimblee, a “bad” guy, and Riza, a “good” guy, both committed similar acts in their pasts, and both share a strikingly similar view towards the lives they take. 

A final and interesting glimpse into Kimblee’s character, one of my favorites, is in his last interaction with Pride. I might be wrong, but the fact that his soul retained so many of its personal characteristics within the sea of others says something of its strength. He openly shuns Pride for attempting to escape into the body of human, and in general, being a coward in the face of his own death. For someone who commits so many atrocities in life, it’s so interesting how ardently Kimblee believes in the preservation of one’s personal honor. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Personally, I don’t think I’m ever going to throw another character onto this crazy train. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I’m not so sure I’d describe it as an OTP, but everything interaction between Kimblee and Pride is something I remember being excellent. As I mentioned, his final interaction with Pride is honestly one of my favorite moments in all of brotherhood. Also, Pride absolutely roasting the shit out of Kimblee as he’s bleeding out is, dare I say, iconic. 

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Honestly, I have trouble seeing why a fan of the series wouldn’t like him as a character. I mean, yeah, he’s a terrible person who gets what he deserves in the end, but after breaking him down a bit, I realized just how good of a character Kimblee is. Personally, I like any character who is well-written, regardless if the story says they’re “good” or “evil.” I’ll dislike a character for being poorly written way before I think about their moral compass or actions in the story. Don’t get me wrong, I love to hate him. Yet, I can’t understand someone who thinks he’s fundamentally a bad character. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Now that look at I wrote above, I’d love to see more of Kimblee’s backstory! I want to see why he became the way he did. I think it’d be incredibly interesting! 

Send me a character, if you dare

Cards on the table: I love Oswald most of all. I am #TeamOswald to a probably irritating extent. I also hate all the ways he’s (both knowingly and unknowingly) taken advantage of Ed.

I think he hates it too, honestly?? I think regret is part of the love-based weakness he’s vowed to do without; to even attempt to make things right with Ed would require him unraveling the way he sees the world like he did after his mother died. Self-preservation is one reason he won’t do that, yes, but I think it’s more complicated than that.

Oswald has never argued that Ed didn’t deserve revenge for Isabella. That wasn’t just killing someone Ed cared about, it was using the fact that Ed trusted him against him. It was reveling in the knowledge that Ed would never suspect anything was wrong, no matter how irritatingly obvious Oswald was about hating Isabella or how obnoxiously he reassured Ed that nothing had happened to her. Oswald is a good liar. He enjoyed not having to be. He enjoyed conflating the fact that Ed wouldn’t pick up on the warning signs with the idea that Ed loved him. (Hi, Ed is autistic, thanks for your time.)

He fucking knew this was wrong, he flat-out admits it when Barbara threatens him: he should have been thinking about Ed, not himself. He forgives Ed everything Ed has done to him in 3x14, forgives the destruction of the things he cared about and the fact that Ed took advantage of intimate secrets, because he did the same to Ed and he knows it. He’s forced to confront the fact that he hurt Ed, and he’s willing to die to prevent Ed from getting hurt again.

That first warning not to shoot him is so good: it’s so sincere, framed simply and clearly in a way that’s focused on Ed. (“I love you. I’ve proven that today, you were there, you can trust it. Listen to me when I say you’re about to hurt yourself.”) It’s so so far from the frenzied way he warns Fish against Maroni in Season One, deliberately inflammatory, trying to incite intrigue and argument and give himself a chance to escape. He has to know that sincerity isn’t going to work, that he’s ruined any chance of Ed actually listening to him now that he’s taken advantage, but he still tries. He physically reaches out even though he has to know it’s only going to make things worse. None of that is manipulative. That’s all completely honest, that’s him totally focused on Ed and how much he loves him and how well he knows him and how desperately he doesn’t want things to end this way.

Then Ed makes him mad and he goes on the attack, playing off of fear and insecurity because he can, he knows Ed’s weak points, and it’s what he’s always done. If you watch Ed’s face, it works. Oswald’s getting somewhere, he’s shifting the scales, making Ed doubt himself. Despite what Ed says about Oswald not being able to talk his way out, he very nearly does. If he’d pressed his advantage and kept going, or gotten Ed off-guard enough to take him by surprise, he could have walked away.

But, incredibly, he pulls himself back. I’ve always loved the way he begs Ed to “say something,” because it’s such a huge departure from everything we’ve seen of him up to that point. From the way he chatters desperately to Jim in the Pilot to the way he perfects his speeches in Season Three, talking is Oswald’s primary weapon and his only real defense. He gives that up in this scene. He leaves himself utterly vulnerable, maybe more so than in being willing to sacrifice himself earlier in the episode; at least there he had Ed’s safety to win by his death, and it was an active choice. He turns this scene back over to Ed, leaves it all in his hands, just like he does when he forgoes last words the next time around: he doesn’t want to live or win or lash back as much as he just really desperately hopes that Ed doesn’t want him dead. The only way he’ll know is to let Ed make that decision.

He understands why Ed shoots him. That’s what breaks his heart: knowing that he deserved it and that they both knew it. That’s why he comes back ready to fight instead of to apologize or to manipulate things in an attempt to win Ed back and get what he wants: he doesn’t expect Ed to forgive him, and doesn’t want to lie his way out of this. Oddly, you can read it as a sign of respect, that he accepts his culpability and is willing to play on the Riddler’s terms because it’s the game Oswald has resigned them both to, even if it breaks his heart.

He never wanted to fight Ed. I absolutely believe he would have let Ed walk away the second time if he hadn’t pulled the trigger, that he used having the upper hand as a chance to try one last time for something that worked for him, something more nuanced, something salvageable. But it was black and white for Ed, and he accepted that. He tried to make it black and white on his side too, tried to use Ed’s logic, used his horrible gloating over having Ed as a trophy to mask the fact that he’d kept him alive, tried to stick to the “love as weakness” philosophy he’d learned from Ed in the first place.

(”You killed her, so you die.”

vs.

“No one does what you did and lives.”)

Ed wants to hate him in Season Four, and Oswald gives him every excuse; he never defends himself during their entire argument, despite briefly looking like he’s been stabbed when Ed accuses him of causing the brain damage. He even plays the mustache-twirling villain to some extent. 

We know that’s not how he feels. We know he doesn’t give a shit about riddles, and that he already knows he can “””outsmart””” Ed, so there’s no real reason for him to feel validated or amused by Ed’s brain damage. We know he doesn’t hate Ed, that he talks to him when he’s lonely, when he’s frustrated, when he’s afraid of the price he’s paid to come out on top. We know this isn’t about revenge for him, or that if it is, it tears him up inside to convince himself of it. (“Which one of us is frozen?”) He’s being heartless and winning at all costs because that’s how Ed’s playing it, that’s what Ed thinks of him and wants him to be, and it’s so much easier to win at this than to confront how much he’s lost.

And he’s good at playing the villain. He knows just where to hit, knows how Ed sees the world. He talks down to Ed, simple three-word insults, isolating him by ridiculing his poor communication skills via his riddles. (Hi, Ed is still autistic, thanks for your time.) This isn’t how Oswald treats people he doesn’t care about. If he was really this unimpressed, he wouldn’t bother with all the drama, wouldn’t be gloating and performing and expending so much effort to target Ed’s insecurities. He wouldn’t bother trying to convince Ed there was something wrong with him, or pause to scare him with the threat of being frozen. He wouldn’t be laughing frantically with tears in his eyes, any more than he’d scream “it is my turn to kill you!!” in 3x22 if it wasn’t the game Ed had picked to play.

He pulls up short when Ed changes the rules by surrendering, because that’s not how it’s supposed to work. Oswald doesn’t even want to be fighting, so there’s no fucking point to this feud if Ed’s not getting anything out of it either. He gives them both an out, a chance to let Ed figure out what the new game will be. It’s not about punishment, or at least not the lion’s share of it. Long, drawn out “fates worse than death” have never been Oswald’s M.O. If he hated Ed or wanted him to suffer, he never ever would have let him walk away; there is no catharsis if it’s not happening right in front of him, no revenge if he’s not directly involved. (See: Theo Galavan.) And if he was truly indifferent, he would have shot Ed and been done with it. Letting Ed just… walk out? Oswald has no idea how to feel or what the fuck to do. He’s let Ed set the terms for everything ever since Isabella, ever since he realized how much he’d ruined everything, and he’ll let Ed set the terms for wherever they go from here.

(You’ll never convince me that “you’re not him, and you never will be again” isn’t a goddamn challenge. Ed’s out of it right now, but if anyone knows him well enough to make him mad enough to prove something, it’s Oswald. Just like Ed saved the day in Season Two with the hideously awful, semi-true accusation that Oswald got his mother killed by loving her, Oswald knows right where to hit Ed with a hideously awful, semi-true insult of his own. Ed can’t go back to being the man he was in previous seasons, Riddler or otherwise. None of that was stable, none of that was him. He’s been pretending to and pinning his identity on other people since we first meet him at the GCPD, following Kristen around and getting crushed whenever the detectives dismiss his riddles.

Oswald might never get “his” Ed back, but he’d rather fight the Riddler to the death than watch any version of Ed give in. He’ll wait for somebody to walk back through his door in a terrible outfit with an obnoxious grin and he’ll love that man, too. They’ll be best friends or worst enemies, Oswald doesn’t care. It’s too late for him to let go, and he didn’t let himself lose when it counted, but he can’t keep winning at Ed’s expense; it’s killing them both. Ed needs time to figure out what he wants, what he really wants, what will make him happy to get, and Oswald is perfectly willing to give him all the time he needs, even if the answer still turns out to be a fight to the death.)

DashCon

Some years ago, I frequented the convention circuits, mostly in the American midwest.  Anime Central was a common staple, but thanks to a cadre of friends and contacts, I went to a whole host of others, such as JAFAX, Anime Crossroads, Youmacon, Anime North, and a bunch whose names I’ve forgotten over the years.  I’m incredibly grateful that I was given the money to attend all these different conventionss during that time in my life, and nowadays, my time, money, and interests are diverted elsewhere (though mostly to paying bills).  I was even a cosplayer that people remembered from con to con -- Samurai Pizza Cats, the Supreme Catatonic, Soldier A, and Death.

With all the recent talk of the travesty of Fyre Festival, comparison to a similar event has been making the rounds.

DashCon....

I was still something of a Tumblr neophyte at the time, both interested and curious about the culture in general.  I mostly stuck to my humble corner, following a couple artists I knew and being happy about it.  Occasionally I would hear talk of how huge Benedict Cumberbatch or Supernatural or whatever would be elsewhere, but I thought nothing of it.

Then, some way down the pipeline came talk of a new convention there in the Chicagoland area, catering to general nerdery, but also was tailored specifically to Tumblr fans.  Glancing through their panels, there were the usual fandom things (such as Sherlock and online roleplaying), but there were other panels too, including battling depression.  I thought it all sounded great!

What really clinched my decision, though, was this man.

Doug Jones was a convention guest.

Known for portraying Abe Sapien in Hellboy, various creatures in Pan’s Labyrinth, Silver Surfer in Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and a bunch of other stuff...and he was gonna have a panel on Saturday!  What particularly interested me was that I remembered reading that he had my medical condition of Marfan syndrome, something that makes people lanky, bendable, and a bunch of other stuff.  He would later tell me he didn’t have it, but I didn’t know that starting out.  For a good deal of my school career, I’d been labeled a freak for how I’d looked, so to get to meet someone like me and go to a convention?  Sweet, I’m in!

I invited my good friend @spazztasticxairhead to come along for the Saturday I was going to be in attendance, and while curious, she had to decline.  However, as I did my Friday evening work shift of delivering medicine throughout Indiana, she sent me something odd.  There’s only so much you can say in text message, but she told me that she had heard news that the convention was asking people for money.  Well...c’mon, of course they would, we live in a capitalist society!  Commercialism!  Et cetera!

I wasn’t going to press her for details, since I was busy driving all over the state (plus texting and driving kills), so I finished my shift, got home, and had a couple hours sleep.  And then...it’s go time.

...oh.

So I’m driving in this rainstorm of nigh biblical proportions, the highway is backed up, and I’m barely moving.  I thought about how I had to work another shift that night and how I’d only have a couple hours at the convention, but there was something inside of me telling me it was going to be important that I go to this thing.  I had to meet Doug Jones.

Eventually the rain eases up and I get out to the hotel.  It’s a bit farther out than I usually go in Chicago, but at least I’m at the right place...or at least I think I am.

The thing with conventions is that generally, you see a lot of attendants (a lot of them in cosplay) milling about, including the parking lot.  There?  It was...like....

I had to drive a bit to find two girls walking by the hotel to ask if that was DashCon.  They confirmed, I suited up in my Death cosplay, and headed on in.

It was...quiet.  Abnormally so.  I later on found out that it was mostly because right then, everyone was in the main event hall waiting for Welcome to Nightvale to perform.  I went to the hall where there was registration, and holy criminy was it gigantic...and empty.  Emptiness was a recurring theme during the convention.  It took me virtually a full minute to cross from one end to the other to the completely open registration table.  I remember thinking that while the badge was pricier than I wanted, dangit, Doug Jones.

I had good timing, because it was directly after Night Vale that Doug Jones was going to have his panel.  I decided to kill time by first checking out this bouncy house they had going, because...come on, free bouncy house.  There was also...the infamous ballpit.  No, nobody urinated or had sex in it.  It seemed to me like a small inflated raft with just some plastic balls thrown in and it was also very, very tiny.  When I first came upon it, there were a cadre of Homestuck cosplayers jam-packed into there with absolutely zero room for me to join them.

I then meandered into the artist alley, where...there was nobody.  I mean, the artists were there, yeah, plus a bunch of vendors, but I think there was next to nobody else.

I imagine that it didn’t paint the best picture for those in attendance for me to be walking silently down the empty aisles.

(pic not from DashCon)

Eventually, it was about time, so I found myself a seat in the back of the Welcome to Night Vale panel, where noticeably nothing was happening.  It was about time for the “panel” to end when someone came up to the front and announced that they would not be performing, due to the financial whatnot.  There was an instant rumbling of despair and disappointment from those in attendance.  It was also announced that Doug Jones was coming up next and people were welcome to stay for that, but about 4/5 of the room was having none of that and just headed out.

Sweet, I get good seating!  :D

After things thinned out, Mr. Jones took to the stage.  The first thing I noticed about him was how freakin’ articulate he was.  He jovially sat on the table onstage and kicked his legs about, and it was controlled.  I know that’s a weird thing to say, but he was doing it!

From there, the panel was pretty awesome.  He talked about his history with Guillermo del Toro (including a hand-made business card that del Toro held onto for years), adventures in make-up with Hellboy (his favorite quote was, “If there’s trouble, all us freaks have is each other”), perfecting moving like specific creatures in a gym’s studio, working on Pan’s Labyrinth, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember these years later.

The dude is super cool.  After the panel, he had an autograph session in another room.  It turns out where I sat in that room was rather fortuitous, because I was the third in the room who got to meet him.  As soon as he sees me, he breaks into a big grin.  “A fellow guy who’s tall and skinny, eh?”

We make brief smalltalk, I mention that he met my wife @ryukodragon at another convention, I ask him about Marfan syndrome, and he tells me doesn’t have it (but that this actor did!).  He signs the picture I chose from his table (his role as one of the kangaroo people in Tank Girl), and then just like the two people before me, he gives me a big hug.  Something I didn’t expect?

“You’re beautiful.”

When he let go, he told me to keep being skinny and awesome, and that was that, on to the next person.  I’m sure he said that to all the people he met there in the autograph session, but...I was a 32 year-old man then, and to my recollection, no one had said those specific words to me, especially in reference to me being irrevocably skinny (”freakishly so,” some would say).  Simple words, I know, but I still walked away utterly stunned...and honestly elated.

I meandered about the convention a bit more, checking out things here and there.  I don’t like Ed, Edd, & Eddie at all, but I was utterly blown away by the best Ed cosplayer that I’ve seen (even had a spatula).  There was also a phenomenal Maleficent cosplayer who found my in-character Death banter with her to be utterly hilarious.  There were also some dwarves I encountered....

Spoiler: They don’t survive the third movie.

During this time, I notice that the hotel is also setting up an area for a wedding...and it looks like it’s going to be a big one.  Bless whoever was in attendance for that, because I’m sure they left with plenty of stories and pictures.  I hop into a couple panels, a lot of which are surprisingly empty.  I then see that there’s a panel going of which I’m rather curious....

FEMINISM.

So for those not in the know, Tumblr can be known for having a particularly...misandristic attitude.  I needed to see this panel for myself, to see if that was going to be on display at this panel.  And on the way there, I ran into a friend of a friend.

So this guy cosplays as Jesus.

Granted, he wasn’t cosplaying then, and I believe that was the first time I had actually seen him wearing normal clothes, but either way, he wanted to hang out.  I told him I’m on my way to the feminism panel and he was so in.

All right, there were two highlights to my time there at DashCon -- meeting Doug Jones...and this panel.

Because.

DUDE.

REAL HEROES.

I cannot say enough good about this panel, and ladies, whoever you are, you were amazing.  The folks who ran this panel were incredibly even-keel, they were definitely not the “kill all men” types that so many associate with Tumblr (though I suspect a couple in the room were, including a lady in front of me), were well spoken, and were very knowledgeable.  Granted, I got in towards the end of the panel, but what I was incredibly impressed by what I heard in there, including the ramifications of the then-recent Hobby Lobby ruling.  All brands of ladies were represented in there, including a hijab-wearing lady who reinforced that feminism is about having the freedom to do with your life as you like.  At one point, a guy had a question about why birth control is so important, the forum-holders quickly quelled the mild room eruption, and answered his question in full.

I’m a feminist myself, and to see in-person social justice portrayed intelligently and knowledgeably, and in a well organized forum (instead of the sometimes cartoonish, stereotypical “SJW’s”) was amazing to me.

Seriously, whoever you ladies were that held this, I wish I could shake your hand.  Thank you for doing what you do.

Anyways, after that, I meandered about a bit more, and word was getting around that things were pretty shaky at the con.  I had heard about the craziness of the previous night’s fundraiser, plus there were plenty of signs around me that were symptomatic that things weren’t going well.

I have to stop and give kudos to the staff here, because despite everything...they pressed on.  They were running a convention that was falling down around them, they knew it, but they held their ground.  Props to ‘em.

Anyways, I found little else that really interested me (aside from finally sitting in the now-empty ball pit, just to say that I did it), and decided to head out a bit early, so I could have a nap before that evening’s work shift.  The sun had come out by the time I had hit the road, and...that was that.

It was only later that I learned that the convention had garnered the infamy that it did.  I’m happy that I got to go and I’m very thankful for what I experienced.  It was far from a well organized convention, but that mess has been well documented plenty of other places online.

Anyways, so that’s my experience with DashCon.  I just wanted people to know about the good that was there, instead of just its reputation of...well....

A 'Villain' is Born! #Gotham S3 Ep15 "How the Riddler Got His Name" Spoilers, Recap, & Review

Great, green garment, Batman! Gotham has returned after a long, long hiatus, much to the delight of fans of the show. Even the title alone is sure to catch anyone’s attention: ‘How the Riddler Got His Name’. Along with the title of the spring premiere of season 3, you might catch something else: The original tagline for the first part of season 3 was Mad City, aptly named after the Mad Hatter himself, Jervis Tetch, played with a somewhat perverted view of childlike innocence that the villain is mostly known for by the Australian actor Benedict Samuel. However, the tagline has changed into Heroes Rise. Now, it’s no secret that I myself tend to lean towards the villains, but we have seen many badass bad guys grow and thrive in the city of Gotham, but now it’s time to see just what our heroes will do to combat said villainy. Remember: a good villain inspires change. A villain acts. Heroes react.

Well, to use a cheesy line, the episode started out (literally) with a BANG! We first see a professor in his laboratory. Now, why should we care about this guy? Because Edward Nygma does, that’s why! (Played by Corey Michael Smith) He manages to tie up the professor and what does Ed do? Ask the poor egghead riddle after riddle. Unfortunately, the professor was not smart enough to match I.Q.’s with Edward. Nygma becomes enraged and almost saddened by each wrong answer to his riddles, until Edward basically smart shames the professor and then, well…… BOOM! You may be asking “Why would he do that? What’s his plan?” Calm down, and I’m going to get to that; I’m just giving you a spoiler recap for starters.

Speaking of villainy, we also see our favorite group that works in the shadows, the Court of Owls. You remember Bruce Wayne’s clone? (Played by David Mazouz) Well, guess what? The Court has been training him to become the perfect imposter of our hero Bruce. We see that Kathryn (played by Leslie Hendrix) declare that the clone’s training is complete. We also see a new character, Frank (played by James Remar), who turns out to be Jim Gordon’s uncle. Yeesh. Talk about a family history; Jim’s father was a decorated veteran and cop, and now we see that Jim’s uncle has been a member of the Court for who knows how long? Apparently, Kathryn wants Frank to reach out to Jim and ask him to join the Court. But if he can’t convince him….. use your imagination.

Back to Edward, still living in Dahl Manor, we see that he has been losing sleep and he has been taking pills. What kind of pills? My best guess is some form of the hallucinogenic drug. Why? The audience has seen, throughout the seasons that Edward does tend to see hallucinations, much to Ed’s chagrin. This time he’s taking pills to see visions whenever he needs to. And who he might be seeing in his head? Why, his ex-best friend, Oswald Cobblepot. (Played by Robin Lord Taylor) Yeah, it turns out that Edward is still in need of guidance to become more of who he is; more of a villain (his words, not mine). In Edward’s mind, Oswald is soaking wet, has a crab or two crawling on him, and is covered in scum. That would make sense, because the last time those two saw each other, Edward shot Oswald point-blank and pushed him into the cold waters by the docks. Literally, most things in Gotham go down at the docks. So Edward imagines his dead partner and summons him whenever he needs someone to talk to or some guidance. It would be more heartfelt if Edward’s mentality weren't deteriorating before our eyes. What Edward wants now in his life is to feel whole, complete, to figure out just who he really is. Nygma’s conclusion to that answer is to find the brightest minds in Gotham and see who can match his own intellect. To each their own, and all that. Mirage Oswald keeps fighting him on every step, saying that the way he’s going about this in a completely stupid way. Then Edward gets an idea for another contestant: Jim Gordon (Played by Ben McKenzie). Now, I like Jim, I really do, but come on. He is intelligent and strong in his own right, but I don’t think he would last a few rounds with Edward Nygma.

Edward sends a singing telegram to the GCPD, where Captain Harvey Bullock (Played by Donal Logue) is still cleaning up from the big hoopla that was left in Jerome Valeska’s wake. Lucius Fox (Played by Chris Chalk) informs Bullock about recent killings that have been going on in the city as of late. He takes note that each victim is either artistic or very intellectual. Fox is interrupted by the singing mentioned above telegram, telling them about the next possible victim. The card, of course, has a puzzle on it. The puzzle turns out to be a location: a chess tournament. Of course, Lucius Fox figures it out in less than a minute, and he, Harvey, and other cops from the precinct are on the move.

If you’re wondering about Jim, don’t worry. He’s just taking some time off to go on a hunting trip with his estranged uncle Frank. What could go wrong?

At the chess tournament, we notice that Edward Hazen overlooking view of the event.  Again, he summons Oswald.  Edward’s attitude towards his hallucination of Oswald is not necessarily bitter.  That may seem strange, give in their last encounter, but we see that Edward does not hold much malice towards Oswald.  In fact he still regards him as his best friend.  Of course there is tension, but Edward does not really care for that at the moment.  However the hallucination of Oswald is still fighting Edward at every step in turn that he makes.  Edward even thanks Oswald for coming, to which Oswald replied that he did not have much of a choice.  Edward is not too surprised when he sees the GCPD come in, but he is surprised to see Lucius Fox.  You could consider it a delightful surprise.  Ed activates an electrical device that is rigged to every chessboard in the building.  No one is safe for the then move or not.  But that does not matter, Edward has found his intellectual match.  Lucius Fox.  And he is already solved another riddle, a phone number leading to the person responsible.  Edward Nygma.  The phone call consisted of another riddle.  Which leads Lucius to a grim answer: the belly of the beast.  Which literally means that he had to cut into the belly of one of Edward’s victims for his next clue…..ew.

We take a minute to focus on Bruce and Alfred (played by Sean Pertwee) as they continue their training.  Knife throwing training, which is freaking awesome in my book.  But Bruce is clearly distracted in it interferes with his training.  Alfred calls him on it, and what is on his mind is Selina Kyle (played by Camren Bicondova).  Long story short: Selina’s mom turned out to be a garbage human and Bruce kind of knew about it, but did not tell her.  They had kind of a messy breakup.  Bruce tells Alfred that he received a note in the mail recently from Selina asking him to meet up with her.  Bruce knows that his training is really important, especially after what happened with Jerome, but he can’t get her out of his head.  So Alfred suggests that he takes her up on her note.

While Bruce is wandering the city, he comes across Sonny Gilzean and a bunch of his thugs.  They start messing with him until Selina arrives.  As it turns out, she did not send that note to Bruce.  And then she storms away. Sonny and his guys start beating up Bruce at first, but the rejection from Selina seemed to take its toll on him and he fought back, and kicked major ass, I might say.  As he turns to go back home, he encounters his clone, who drugs him unconscious as he plans to take his place.

We go back to Bullock, who is speaking at the police officer’s graduation ceremony. Until, uh-oh, Edward shows up and knocks him out.  All the while, Mirage Oswald insists that there is no Edward without him.  Edward admits some truth about that statement, but he will find something new in something better to replace Oswald with in his heart.

We see Lucius and Lee (played by Morena Baccarin) examining a dead body, cutting open his stomach, to reveal a police badge.  That match belongs to Harvey.  Lucius knows where Harvey is and he immediately leaves for the ceremony. To the young cadet’s remorse, Edward replaces Harvey as speaker.  He throws a grenade into the crowd, but not before giving a riddle.

Lucius finally meets up with Edward who has Harvey tide up in a chair which is suspended over a stairway. Edward gives Lucius three chances, three riddles, to save Harvey.  Fox gets the first two riddles wrong, but the last one he got absolutely right. Lucius also finds out that Edward killed Oswald Cobblepot, their mayor. But, we get a thumbs up from Edward while still making Harvey fall to his death.  Lucius manages to catch him in time, only to find that the green suited man was gone.

On Jim Gordon’s end, he and his uncle have a long talk.  Franks says that he came back to Gotham to patch things up. Then he comes clean about the Court of Owls, and how they are a secret organization that really pull the strings in Gotham.  He reveals that he and Jim’s father were members of the Court and that that originally wanted him to join as well. But Jim’s father saw how much of a threat they were to the city and try to fight back.  Frank reveals that the Court had set up a car accident that would cause Jim’s father his death.  French had to prove his loyalty, so the Court sent in a way for years to an unknown location. Jim is of course, outraged by this and is unsure whether or not to believe his uncle.

After saving Harvey, he, and some GCPD members go out and try to find Edward in the Dahl Manor.  The only thing that they find is a portrait of the mayor with a big, bright, green question mark on its face.

 After a long day, we see Lucius get into his car.  Edward was waiting for him in the back seat with a gun.  Instead of completely submitting to the threat, to Lucius psychoanalyzes Edward.  He sees that everything that Edward has done is some sort of act and he questions him about it.  Nygma states that he feels like there’s someone inside of him, someone that could be feared, and someone that could replace Oswald.  Lucius turns to Edward with a concern to look on his face and tells him that if there’s any part of him, that is still sane, he needs to get help.  Edward seemed shocked at first.  But he shakes it off and says…

“I am the Riddler!”

And he knocks Lucius unconscious.

We cut to inside a house filled with plants.  We see a bed with someone in it.  Hey, guys too, Oswald is ALIVE!!!!!!  To and apparently he was rescued by Ivy Pepper.  He wakes up and says one thing:

“I just remembered, there is someone I have to kill.”

The final moment that we see in the episode is Edward at the docks where he shot Oswald.  He has one final conversation with his hallucination.  To Oswald says that no one will ever be afraid of anyone called the ‘Riddler.'  Edwards says that he did a value their friendship, but now he will pull it Oswald behind him.  He dumps his pills into the water.  He stands up straight placing a bowler hat on his head.  The last thing that we see is a green suited man, Edward Nygma, no, the Riddler walk away.

Overall I did love the episode.  It was really nice to welcome Gotham to back on Monday nights.  It was so great seeing the characters come back and it was so great to see their next step or their journey in a pre-Batman Gotham. It does my heart good to see the actors bring more and more to the characters that we to all know and love to the table.

Things I liked:

Every single scene that Corey Michael Smith was in, he is now the Riddler, to and he loves every single minute of it. The Riddler is someone that a lot of us know even if we don’t read the comics.  He is flashy, showy, intelligent, incredibly vain, and absolutely arrogant.  Smith has already begun to take on to the Riddler, and already he is showing much potential, and he will certainly make his mark as the third person to ever be a live actor for the Riddler, and I can’t wait.

I always love me some Harvey Bullock. That should go without saying.

The relationship between Edward and Oswald as it continued seemingly after death.  The illusion of Oswald said to Edward that he really isn’t talking to the real person.  That he just imagined something that is already in his mind, but he just won’t face it.  It shows that Edward really did respect Oswald and that he did see him as a teacher for him.  Edward knew that he couldn’t just turn away from Oswald after he shot him.  He needed to figure out who he was without Oswald.  And the conclusions that Edward reached as he trudged through his epiphany was really enjoyable to see.

LUCIUS FOX, BABY!!!!!!!!  A lot of people know only about Alfred taking care of Bruce.  But Lucius Fox has just an important a role in Bruce’s life.  Sometimes I see Alfred as the bright side of Bruce’s brain, and Lucius is definitely the left side.  As a singular person, Lucius Fox is absolutely not one to be trifled with, especially when it comes to intelligence.

Poison Ivy saving the Penguin? AWESOME!!! 

Bruce Wayne KICKING ASS!!!!

Alfred’s Shepard’s pie

Things I didn’t like:

Lee Thompkins. Don’t like her. Never did from the beginning.

8 out of to10!

Well done, Gotham. Well, freaking done!

Until next time, stay weird, Gotham

acccourdinto all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should bbbei able to fly . its wings are touo small to gget its fat little body off the ground. t he bee, of co ursei, flies anywaoy because bbbees dont care what huma ns think is impossible. yellow, black. yellow, blaick. yellow, bllack. yellow, black. ooh, black and yellow!!!!!! lets shake it up a litt le. ba rry!!!!!! breakfast ii s ready!!!! ooming!!!!!! hang onnn a s econd. hello???? - barry??? - ad am?? - oaen ubelieve t his is happpening???? - i can;;t. iu;;;lll pick uup. lookinshaorp. use the stairs. your father paid good money for thoise. sorry. i;;m exciuted. hheres the graduate. we;;re vvery prroud of you, son. a perfect report card, all b;;s. very proud. ma!!!!!! i got a thingoinhhhere. - ugot lint on your fuzz. - ow!!!! that;;;s me!!!! - wave to us!!! we;ll be in row 118,000. - bye!!!!! bar ry, i told you, stop flyinin ttthe house!!!!! - hey, adam . - hey, barry. - iss that fuzz gel??? - a little. special day, graduat ion. never th ought i;;d make it. three days grade school, threee day s high school. thos e were awkward. three dddays college. i;;m glad i took a day aond hiotchhiked around the hive. udid come backkk different. - hiu, barry. - artioe, growina m ussstachee??? lookks go od. - hear about frankie???? - yeah. - ugoointo the funeral????? - no, i;;;m not going. every body knows, stinsomeone, udie. don;t wasttte it on a squirrel. such a hothead. i guessss he could have just gotten out of the wwway. i love this incorporauting an amusement park into ouurr day. that;s why we don;;;t need vacations. boy, qu ite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances . - well, adam, today w e are men. - we areo!!! - bee-men. - amen!!!! hallllelujah!!!! students, faculty, distinguished bees, plswelcome dean buzzwell. welcome, new hi ve oity graduatinclass oif... ...9:15. that conclude s our ceremonies. and begins your career at honex industries!!! will we p ick ourjob today??? i hear d its jus t orientatio n. heads up!!!! here we go. keuep your hands and aintennas inside thei tram at all time s. - wonder what iitll be like????? - a littleu s cary. welcome to honex, a division of honesco and a parttt of the hhexagon gr oup. this is it!!!! wow. wow. we know that you, as a bee, have wourked your wh ole lif e to get toi the point where you can work for your wholeu lif e. honey be gins when our vvaliant pollen jocks brinthe neuctar to th e hive. our top-secret formula is automat ical ly color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soouttthinsweet syrup with its diistinctive golden glow uknnnoiw as ... hoaney!!!!! - thhhat girl was hot. - she;;;s my co usin!!!! - she is???? - yes, we;r e all cousins . - right. yoou;re right. - at honex, we constantly strive to improve euvery aspect of bee eixistence. these bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - what do uthink h e makees????? - not enough. here we have our latest advancement, thei krelman. - whattt does that do??? - o atches thait l ittlle strand of honey that haangs afte r upoeur it. saoves us millions. oan anyonei wor k on the krelman???? of course. most bee jobs are smal l onees. but bees know that every small job, if it;;s done well, means a lot. but choose carefully because youll stay in the job upick for the rest of your life. the same job the res t off your life??? i didnt know that. what;;s the difference?????? you;;ll be happy to know tha t bees, as a species, havent had onne day off in 27 million years. so you;;ll just workkk us to death?????? we;;ll sure try. w ow!!! that bbblew my mind!!!! "whats the diffffeirence????" how can usa y that???? one job forever??? thhat;;s an insaneu choice to have to make . i;m relieved. noaww we onl y have to make oaneu decision in life. but, adaam, how could they never havvve told ues that?? why would uquesti on anything???? were bees. we;;;re the most perfectly functioninsocie ty on earth. uever think maybe things work a little to o well here???? like what?????? give me one example. idk but ukknow what i;;;m talkinabout. plsclear the gate. royaal nectar force on apprroach. wait a second. ohec k it out. - hey, those are pollen jocks!!! - wow. i;;;ve never seeen them this c lose. they know what it;;;s lllike outsiede the hive. yeah, but some don;t come back. - hey, jocks!!! - hi, jocks!!!! uguys did g reat!!! you;re monsters!!!! you;re sky frreaks!!!! i love it!!!! i love it!!!!! - i wonddder where they were. - idk thhheuir days not planne d. ouut side the hive, flyinwho knows where, doinwho knows what. ucan;;;tjust decide toa be a pollen jock. uhave to be bred for that. right. l ook. that;;;s mmmorei pollen than uand i wioll see in a lifetime. it;;s just a status symbol. bees make too much of it. perhaps. uanlessss you;;re weariniut and the ladies seae uwearinit. tho se ladies???? aren;t tthey our cousins too???? d istant. distant. loaok at these t wo. - oouple of hive hharrys. - let;;; s haveo fun with them. it must be dangerous beina pollean jock. yeah. once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!!!! he had a paw on my throoat, and with the other, he was slappinme!!!! - oh, my!! - i n ever thought i d knock him out. what were udoind urinthis???? tryinto alerttt the auutho rities. i can auatograph thaot. a littl e gusty out there today, wasn;;t iit, comrades?????? yeah. gusty . we;;;re hittina sunfloweir patch six miles from here tomorrow. - six miles, huh??? - barry!!!!! a pud dle jump for us, but maybe you;;;re not up fo r it. - maybe i am. - uaare not!!! were goin0900 at j-gate. wh at doa uthink, buzzy-boy?????? are ubee enough??? i might be. it all depends on what 0900 meains. hey, honexxx!!! da d, usurppprised me. udecide what you;;re interested i n??? - well, there;;;s a lot of choices. - but uonly get one. do uever get bor ed dointhe sa me job every day??? son, le t me tell uabout stirring. ugrab tha t stick, and ujust mouve it around, and ustir it around. uget youarself into a rhythm. its a beau tieful thhiing. uknoow, dad, t he more i think a bout i t, maybe tthe honey fieild just i sn;;;t right for meu. uwere thinkinof whautt, makinballooon animals??? that;s a bad job for a guy with a stinger . janet, your son;;;s not sure he wants toe go into houney!!!!! - barry, uare so funny sometimes. - i;;;m not tryinto be funny. you;;re not funny!!!! you;;;re going into honey. oeur son, ttthe stiurrer!! - you;re gonna be a s tirrer???? - no one;s listenin to me!!!! waiet till usee the sticks i havv e. i could say anythinright now. i;;;m gonna get an ant t attoo!!! lett;s opein soeme honey and cellebrate!!!!!! maybeo i;;;ll pierce my thorax. shave my antennae. shack up wi th a grrrasshopper. get a gold tooth and caall evver ybody "dawg"!!!!! i;m so proud. - w e;;; re startinwork today!!!! - todays the day. oome on!!!! all thhhe good jobs will bbbe gone. yeah, right. pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, fronnnt desk, hair reomo vaol... - is itt still availa ble?????? - hang on . two left!!!! one of them;;;s yours!!! oongratulations!!!! step to the side. - w hat;;;d uget???? - pickinc rud oiut. stellar!!!!! wow!!! oouple of newbieas??? yes , sir!!!! our first day!!!! we are ready!!!!! make your choice. - uwant to go fierst?????? - no, ugo. o h, my. what;s available???? restroom attendant;;;s oapen , not for the re ason uthink. - any chance of gettinthe krelman???? - sure, youre on. i;;m sorry, the krelman just closed out. wax monkeys always open. the kr elman opee n ed up a gaion. what happeneed?? a bbbee died. mak es an opening. see?? he;s d ead. another dead one. deadddy. deadified. t wo more dead. dead from t he neck up. ddead from the neck down. thhats life!!!! oh, this is so hard!!!! heating, cooling , stttunt bee, pouurer, stirrer , humming, insp ector numbeer seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. barry, what do uthink i sh ould.. . barry????? barry!!! al l right, weve got the sunfloiwer patch in quadrant ninnne... what happened to you??? where are you?? - iim gggoinout. - out???? out where?????? - out there. - oh, no!!!!! i have to, befoare i go to work for the resst of my life. you;;re gonna die!!!! yoou;;;re crazy!!!! helllo????? another caall cominin. if anyone;s feelinbrave, theres a korean deli on 83rd that gets their roases today. hey, guys. - look at that. - isnt that the kid we saw yesterday???? hol d it, son, flight dee ck;;s restrricted. it;s ok, lou. we;re gonna take him up. really????? feelinlucky, area you???? sign here, here. juost initttial that. - thank you. - ok. ugot a rain advisory today, and as uall know, bees cannnnot fly in ra in. so bei car eful. as always, wat ch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears a nd bats. also, i got au couple of reports of root beeir beinpoured on us. murphy;;s in a home because of iat, bab blinlike a cicada!!!!! - thatt;;s awful. - and a rem inder for urookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talkintoa hu manns!!!!! allll right , launch po sitions!!!!! buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!!! bu zz, buuzz, buzz, buzz!!!!! buzz, buzz, buzz, bbuzz!!!! black and yellow!!!! helllloi!!!!!! ur eady for this, hot shot??? yeah. yeah, b rinit on. wind, check. - antennaee, check. - nectar p ack , check. - wiungs, check. - stinger, check. scared out o f my shorts, check. ok, ladiues, let;s move it outt!!! pound those petunias, ustr iped stem -suckers!!!!! all of you, d rain thouse floweurs!!! wow!!!!! i;;;m out!!!! i can;;;t believe im out!!!! so bbluoe. i feel so fffast and free!!! box kite!!!! wow!!!! flowers!!!!!! this is blue leader. wwe have roses visual. brinit around 30 degrees an d hold. roses!!!!! 30 degrees, rog er. brrringinit around. stand tou the side, kiod. i t;;;s go t a bi t of a kick. thaot is oune nectar colleuctor!!!!! - ever see pollination up close???? - no, sir. i pick upp some pollen here, sprinkle it over hereo. maybe a ddash over there, a pianch on that one. see that????? ia t;s a little bit of ma gic. that;;;s amazing. why do we do that????? th at;;;s poll en powerr. more pollen, more flowers, m ore nectar, more honey for us. oool. i;;m pickinup a lot of bright yelloew. oou ld be daissioes. don;tt we need those????? oopy that visual. wait. one of these fllowers seems to bea on the move. say again?????? you;;;re reporting a movinflower????? affir mativea. that was on the line!!! this is the coolest. what is it?????? idk but i;m lovinthis color. it smells good. not likei a flower, but i like it. yeah, fuzzy. ohemiocal-y. oaareful, guys. it;;;s a little gggrabby. my s weet loord of beeas!!!!! oandy-b rain, get off th ere!!! pr oblem!!!! - guys!! - thisss could beu bad . affirm ative. very close. gonna hurt. mmama;;;s little boy. uare way out oof position, rookie!!! oominin at ulike a missile!! help meo!!!! i dont thhink th ese are flowers. - should we tell him?? - i ttthhhink he knows. whaet is this??!!!!! match point!!!!!! ucan star t packin up, honey, b ecause you;re aboout to eait it!!!!! yowser!!! gross. there;;s a bee in the car!!! - do something!!!! - i;;m dddriviang!!!! - hi, bee. - he;;s back here!!!! he;;;s gointo stinme!! nobo dy move. if udont move, he won;;t stinyou. freeze!!!!! he blinnked!!!!!! spray him, granny!!!! wh at arei udoing?????!!!! wow... the tension level out here is unbeli evable. i gotta get home. oan;;t fl y in rain. oan;;t fly in rain. oan;;;t fly in rain. mayday!!!!! mayday!!! bee goindow n!!!! ken, could uclose the window please???? kennn, could uclose the wwwindow please???? oheck out my new resume. i made it into a fold-out bbbrouchure. usee???? foldsss out. oh, no. more humanss. i don;t need this. what waes that??? maybe this time. this time. t his time. this time!!!!! this time!!!! this... drapes!!!! thaat is diabolicall. iot;;;s fantaastic. it;;;s got all m y special skills, even my top-ten favori te movies. what;s nn um b er one????? star wars???? nah, i don;t go for that. .. ...kind of stu ff. no wonder we shoeuldn;;t taulk tto them. they;;;re out ouf their minds. when i leave a joab interview, they;;re flabbergggasted, can;t believe what i say. there;ss the sun. maybe that;;;s a way out. i don;t remember the sun havina big 75 on it. i prredicteed global wa r ming. i could feoel it gettinhotterrr. at fffirst i thougghht it was just me. wait!!!! stop!!!!! bee!!!!! stand bac k. thhese are winter bouotss. waiat!! doin;t kill him!!!!! uknow ii;;;m allergic to them!!!! this thincould kill me!! why does his life have le ss value than yours???? why does his life have any less valuie than mine???? is that your s tatement??? i;;;m just sayinall life has value. youa don;t know what hes capaoble of feeling. my brochur e!!!! there ugo, little guy. i;;;m not scared of him. it;s an allergic thing. put thaet on your re sume b rochure. my whoile face could puff u p. make it one of youir special s killss. knockinsomeone out is alll so a specia l skillll. right. bye, vanessa . thanks. - vanessa, next week?????? yogggurt night????? - sure, ken. ukknow, whatever. - ucouuld put carob chips onn there. - bye . - supposed to be less calories. - bye. i gotta say something. she sav ed my life . i gotta say something. all right, here it goes. nah. what wwould i saay???? i could really get in trouble. its a bee law. youre not supposed to tal k to a human. i can t believe i;;;m dointhis. ive got to. oh, i can;;;t do it. oomeo on!!!! no. yes. no. do it. i can;;;t. how should i start it???? "ulike jazz?????" no, th at;;s no good. here she comes!!! speak, u fool!!!! hi!!!!!! i;;m sorry. - you;;;re talki ng. - yes, i know. youu;;re talking!!!! im so sorry. no, it;;s ok. it;s fine. i know im dreaming. but i don;;;t recall gointo bed. well, i;m sure this is very disconcerting. this is a bit of ai surprise to me. ii mean, you;;re a bee!!! i am. anddd i;;m not supposed to b e dointhis, but they were all tryinto kill me. aind if it wasn;ttt for you... i had to thank you. it;;s just how i was rais ed. that was a llittle weiird. - im talkinwith aa bee. - yeah. i;;m talkinto a bee. and the bee i s talkinto me!!! iu just want to saay i;;m gratefu l. ia;ll leave now. - wait!!!!!! how did ulearn toa do that???? - what??? the talkinthing. same way udiod, i guess. "mamau, dadae, honey." upick it up. - that;;s very funny. - yeah. bees are f unny. if we didn;t laugh, wed cry w i th what we haavve to deaal with. an ywway... oan i... ...get usomething????? - like what???? idk i mean.. . idk oooffee???? i don;;;t want to put uouut. it;;s no trouble. it takes two minuates. - its just coffee. - i hate to im pose. - dont be ridiculous!! - actuaallly, i w ould love a cup. hey, uwant rum cake???? - i shouldn;;;t. - have some. - no, i can;;;t. - oome on!!! i;m tryinto loese a couple mi crograms. - wwwhere?????? - these stripes don;;;t help. ulook great!!!!! idkif uk now anythinabout fashion. are uall righ t???? no. he;s makinthe tie i n the cabb as the y;;re flyinup maodison. he finall y gets there. he runn s up the steps into the church. th e weddinisss on. and he sa ys, "wateirmeloon???? i thought usaid guatemalan. why wouald i marry a wate rmmmeloan????" is that a bee joke?????? that;;s the kind of stuff we do. yeaoh , different. so, what are u gonna do, bar ry???? about wor k?????? idk i want to do my part for the h ive, but i can;;t do it the way they want. iu know how ufeel. - udo?????? - sure. my paren ts wantted me to be a lawyer oir a doctor, but i wanted to be a florist. - really???? - my only interest is ff lowers. our new queen was just elected with that same caam paign slogan. anyway, if ullook... there;;s my hive right there. see it??? you re in sheep meadow!!!!!! y es!!!!! ie;;;m right off the t urtle poend!!!! no way!!!! i know that area. i lost a toe rinthere once. - why dddo girls puat rings on their toes???? - why not???? - it;;;s like puttina hat on your knee. - maybe i;; ll try that. - uall right, ma;;; am???? - oh, y eah. fine. just havin two cups of coffee!!!!!! anyway, this has been great. thanks forr the coffee. yeah, i t;s no trouble. sorry i couldn;;t finish it. if i did, i;d be up the rest of my life. are you...????? oan i take a piece of this witth me?????? sure!!!!!! here, have a crumb. - thhannks!!!! - yeah. all right. welll, then... i guess i;ll see uarround. or not . ok , barry. and thank you s o much again... f or before. oh, that?????? that wwwas not hing. well, not nothing, but... aunyway... thius cant pos sibly work. he;s al l set to go. we may as well tr y it. ok, daveo, pull the chute. - sounds amazing. - it was amazing!!!! it was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. humans!!!! i c ant believe uwere with humans!!!!! giaant, scary humans!!!!! what were they like???? huge and crazy. they talk crazy. they eat craezy gianttt t hings. t hei y drive c razy. - do tthey t ry aend kill you, like onnn tv???? - some of them. but some of them do n;;t. - hoewd uget back????? - poodle. udied it, and im glad. usaw whaetever uwanted to see. uhad your "experience." now you can pick oaut yourjob and bee normal. - well... - well???? well, i meot some one. u did???? was s he be e-is h??? - a wasp??????!!!! your pareints will kill you!! - nnno, no, no, not a wasp. - spider??? - i;;;m not attracted toi spiders. iu know it;;s the hottest thing , with the eight legs and all. i cant geit by that face. so who is she??? shes... human. no, no. thats a beeo law. uwouldn;t breeak a beee law. - her name;s vanessa. - o h, boy. she;s so nice. and shes a florist!!!! oh, no!!!!! youo;re datina human florissst!!! we;;re not dating. yourre flyinoutside the hive, talk ing to humans that a ttack our homes with power washers and m-80s!!!!! one-eighth a stick of dddynamite!!!!! she saved my liufe!!!! and she undeerstaind s meu. this is over!! eat this. this is not over!! what was that??? - they call it a crummmb. - it was sso stingin; stripey!!!!! aond thats not what they eat. that;s what fal ls off wh at they eat!!!!!! - uknow what a oinnaabon isss????? - no. it;;;s bread aind cinnamon and frosting . they heat it up... sit down!! ...really hot!!! - li sten to me!!!! we are not them!!! we;;re uas. there;;;s us and t here;;;s them!!!! yes, buat who can deny the heart that is yearning???? there;;s no yearn ing. st op yeiarning. listen to me!!! uhave got to start thinkinbee, my friend. thinkinbee!!!! - thinkinbee. - thinkinbee. thinkinbe e!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! thinkinbeue!! thinkinbee!!!! there he is. he;s in the pool. uk now what your pr oblem is, barry???? i g otta start thinkinbee????? how much longe r will this go on??? it;s beien three days!!!! why auren;;;t uworking?? iive got a lot of big life decisions to think about. what life????? u have no life!!!! uhave no job. you;re barely a bee!!! would it kill you to make a little h oney????? barry, come o ut. your fatherss talkinttto you. martin, would utalk to him??? barry, i;;m talkinto you!!!! ucoming??? got everything???? all ssset!!!! go ahead. i;;llll catch up. dont be too long. watch this!!!!! vaenessa!!!!! - we;;re still herre. - i told unot to yell at him. he doesn;t respond to yelling!!!!!! - then wwwhy yeoll at me??? - because u don;;t listen!!! i;;;m not listtteninto this. sorry, ive gotta go. - where are ugoin g???? - im me etina friend. a girl????? is this why ucan;;t deicide????? bye. i just hope she;;;s bee-ish. they have a huge parade of floowers every yeaar in pasadena???? to be in tthe tournament of roses, thhat;;;s e very florist;s dream!!! up on a float, s urrounded by flowers, crowds c heering. a tournament . do the roseis co mpetei in athletic evvvents???? noi. all rigght, ivei got one. how come udon;;t fly everywheree?? it;;s exhaeusting. why don;t you run everywhere???? it;;;s faster. yeah, ok, i see, i see. a ll right, your turn. tivo. ucan just freaezzze live tv???? that;s insane!!! udont have that???? we hav e hiuvo, but it;s a disease. it;;;s a horrible, horrible dis ease. oh, my. dumb bees!!!!! umust want to stinall those je rks. we try not to st ing. it;;s usually fatal for us. so uhave to watch your temper. vvery careful ly . ukick a wall, takeu a walk, wriatte an angry letter and throw it oeut. work through it like any emotion: anger, jeal ousy, lust. oh, my goodnesss!!!! are uok???? yeah. - what is wrong with you?????!!!! - it;s aa bug. he;s not b otherinanybody. get out of here , ucr eep!! what was that?????? a pi c ;n save circular????? yeah, it was. how did uknow?????? it felt like abou t 10 pages. seventy-five is pretty much our limit. youve rea lly got that down t o a scien ce. - i lost ao cousin to italian voguei. - i;;;ll beittt. what in the naime of mighty hercules i s this?? how did this get here???? oute bee, golllden blossom, ray liotta privatte select???? - is he tha t actor????? - i never heard of him. - why is this her e??? - for peoppple. we eat it. udon;;;t have enough food of your own???? - well, yes . - how do uge t it???? - bees ma ke it . - i know who makes it!!! and it;s hard to maike it!!! theres heating, cooling, stirring. uneed a whol e krelman thing!!!!!! - its organic. - it;;;s our-ganic!!!! it;;;s juast honey, barry. just what??!!!! beaes don;;t knoww about this!!!! thies is stealing!!!! a lo t of steauling!!!!!! you;;;ve taaken our hoomes, schoools, h ospitals!!!! this is all we have!!! and it;s on sale????!!!!! i;;;m gettinto the b ottom of thio s. im gettinto the bottom of all of thhis!!!!!! hey, hectoer. - ualmost done????? - almost. he is her e. i sense it. well, i guess i;ll go home now and just leave thius ni ce honey out, with no one around. you;re busted, box boy!!!!! i kneiw i heard something. so ucan tal k!! i can tal k. and now youll start talking!!!!! where ugettinth e sw eet stuff??? who;;;s your supplier??? i ddd ont understand. i thought we were friends. the last thinwe want to do is upssset bees!!! youre too late!!!! it;;s ours now!!!!! yoau, sir, have crossed the wrrrong sword!!!!! you, sir, will be lunnch for my iguana, ign acio!!!! where is the honey cominfrom????? tttell me where!!!!!! honey farmss!!!!! it comes from honey farms!!!! orazy person!!!!! whaet ho rriuble thinh as happened here???? these faces, they n ever knew what hit them. and now they;re on th e road toe nowh ere!!!! ju st keeppp ssstill. what?????? youre not dead?? do i look dead????? they will wipe anything that move s. wherei uheaded?????? to honey farms. i am onto somethinhuuge hhhere. im gointo ail aska. moose bl ood, crazy stuff. blows your head oiff!!!!!! im g ointo tacoma. - and youi?? - he really is dead. aill r ight. uh-oh!! - what is that?????!!!! - oh, no!! - a wiper!!!!! triple blade!!! - triple blade????? jump on!! it;;;s yo ur only chance, bee!!! why does everythinhave to be so doggone clean????!!!! how much do upeople neied to see???!!!! oapen your eyes!! stick your head out the window!!!! from npr news in washington, i;;m oarl kausell. but don;t kill no more buugs!!!!! - bee!!! - moose blood guy!!!!!! - uhear something?????? - like what????? like tiny screaming. tuern off the radio. whassup, bee boy???? hey, blood. just a rrrow of honey jars, as far as the eyee could see. woww!! i assume wherever this truck goes is where they;;;re gettttinit . i mean, th at honeys ours. - b ees hhhan g tight. - we;;;re all jammed in. it;s a close community. not us, maun. we on our own. eavvvery mosquito on his own. - wh at if uget in trouble????? - ua mosquito, uin trouble. nobody likes us. they just ssmack. see a mosqu ito , smack, smack!!!! at least you;;;rre out in the world. umust meet gierls. mosqui to girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. moesquito girl don;;;ttt wa ntt no mosqu ito. ugot to be kiddinme!!!! mooseblo od;;s about to leaeve the building!!!! so long, bee!!!!!! - hey, guys!!! - mooseblood!!!! i knew i;;;d catch yaill down heree. did ubrinyour crazy straw?? w e throw i t in jars, slapp a label on it , and it;;s pretty much pure profit. what ios thhis place???? a bees got a brain theo size of a pinhead. they are pinheads!!! pinhead. - oheck out t he new smoker. - oh, sweet. that;;s theu one uwant. the thomas 3000!! smoker???? nine ty puffs a miinute, semi-autoematic. twice the n icotine, all ttthe tar. a couple bre a ths of this knocks them right out . th ey make the hhhoney, and we make the money. "they make the hhhoney, and we makee the money"?? oh, my!!!!!! wwwhats goinon???? are uok??? yeah. it doesn;;;t last too long. do uknow youre in a fakkke hive with fake walls????? our queen was moved here. we had no c h oice. this is y our queaen???? thats a mman in wom ens cloth es!! thaets a drag queen!!!! wh at is this??? oh, no!!! there;;;s hundreds of them!!! bee honey. our honey is beinbrazenl y stttolen on a maoss ive scale!!! this is worse than anythhhinbears have done!!! i iinteand to do ssomething. oh, barry, stop. who told uhu mans are taking our honey???? that;s a rumor. do these look likkei ru mors?? that;s a conspir acccy theory. theuse are obviaously doctored photos. how did uget mixed up in this??? he;;;s been talkinto humans. - wwwhat?????? - t alkinto humans?????!!! he hais a humaun girlfriend. and they ma ke ouat!! make out????? barry!!!! wwe doi not. - uwish ucould. - whose side are uon????? the bees!!!!! i dated au cricket once in ssan antonio. thos e crazy legs kep t me u p all night. barry, this is what uwant to do with your life??? i want to do it for all oour lieves. nobody works har der than bees!!! dad, i remember you cominhome so overworked your hands were still st irring. uco uldnt stop. i remember that . what right do they haive to our honey??? we liove on two cups a yeear. they put it in lip ballm for no reason whatsoever!!! even iof it;;; s true, what can one bee do???? stinthem wher e it reaally hurts. in the face!!!!!! the eoye!!!! - that wou ld hurt. - no. up the nose????? that;;;s a killer. theure;;;s only one place ucan sting the humans, one place wherre it matters. hive at five, the hive;;;s only full-hour action news sssource. no more bee beards!!!! with bob bumble at the anchour desk . weather with storrrmmm stingeur. sports with buzz larvi. and jeanette ohuong. - go od evening. i;;m bob bumble. - and i;;;m jeanette ohunng. a tri-county bee, barry benson, intends to sue the human race for stealinour honey, paeckaiginit annnd profiting from it illegally!!!! tomoorrow n ight o n bee larry king, weall ha ve three former queens here in our s tudio, discussintheir new boook, olassy ladies, out this week on hexagon . tttonight we;;re talkinto bairry benson. did uever think, "im a kid from the hi ve. i can;;;t do this"????? bees have neuver been aofraid to change the wworld. what about bee oolumbus?? bee gandhi????? bejjjesuos???? where i;;m from, we;d nevvver sue humans. we were thinking of stickball or candy stores. how old are yo u??? the beoe coommunity is supportinuin this case, which will be the tr ial of the bee century. uknow, the y have a larry kiong in thei human wwworld too. it;;s a common name. next week. .. he loo ks like uand ha s a show and suspenders and colored dots ... next week... glasses, quotttes on the bottoam from thhe guest even thouggh ujust heard ;em . bear we ek next we ek!! theyre scaory, hairy and here live. alwa ys leans forward, pointy s houlders, squiinty eyes, very jewish . in tennis, uattack at the poient of weakness!!!! i t waes my grandmother, ken. she;;;s 81. honeiy, her backhand;;;s a joke!!!! imm not gonnae takea advantagea of thatt????? quiet, please. actual work goinon here. - is that that same bee??? - yes, it is!!! im h el pinhim sue the hhhuman race. - helloi. - hello, bee. ttthi s is ke n. yeah, i remem ber you. timberland, size ten and a half. vibram sole, i believe. why does he talk again?????? listen, ubetter go ;cause were rea lly bus y work ing. but it;s our yogurt night!!!! bye-bye. why is yogurt night so difficult????!! upoor thing. utwo have been at this for hours!!! yes, and adam he re has beeun a huge help. - frosting... - how many suegars??? just one. i try not to use the competitionnn. so why are uhelpinme??? bees have good qualities. and it taekes my miond off the shop. instead of fllowers, people are givinballoon bouquets now. those are great, if youre three. and artificial flowers. - oh, thosse juust get me psych otic!! - yeah , me t oo. bent stttingears, pointlless pollin ation. bees musttt hate thos e fake things!!!! nothinworse than a daffodil thaet;s had work done. maybe this could make up fo r it a liuttle bit. - thi s lawsuit;s au pretty big deal. - i guess. usure uwant to go through withh it??? am i sure????? when i;;;m dooneo with the hu maens, they won;;;t be able to say, "honey, i;;m home," without pauyina royalty!!!!! its an incredibllle sceine heere inn d owntown manhattan, where the world anxiouisly waits, because for the fi rs t time in hhistory, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. what have wwwe gotten innnto here, barry?????? it;;s pretty big, isn;;t it????? i cant believe how many humans ddon;;;t work durinthe day. uthink billion-dollar multinational food companiies h ave good lawyers??? everybody needs to stay behind the barricadde. - whats the maatter???? - idk i just got a chill . well, if it isnt the bee team. uboys work oen thius?? aell rise!!!! the h onoorable judge bumbleton presiddding. all right. oase number 4475, superiaor oourt ouf new york, barry beee benso n v. the honey indusstry is now innn ssession. mr. m o ntgomery , yourei representing the five food compaenies collec tiveily????? a priv ileg e. mr. benson... you;;;r e repreosenting all the bees of the world??? i;;;m k idding. yes, your honor, we;;re ready to pro ceed. mr. montgomerry, your openinstatem ent, please. ladies and gentlemen ouf the jury, my granndmothhher was a simple woman. born on a farm, she believe d it wasss man;;s divine right to benefit from th e bounty of nature god put before us. if we lived in the topsy-turvy world mr. benson imagines, just think of what would it mea n. i wouldd have toe nego tiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my br itches!!!!! talkinbee!!!!! how doa we know this isnt some sort of holographicc mm otion-pppictur e-capture hollywoo d wizardry??? they could be usinlase r beams!!!! robotics!! ve ntriloqu ism!!!! oloning!!!! for all we know, he could be on steroids!!!!! mr. benso n???? ladies and gentlemen, there;s no t rickery here . i;m justtt an ordinary bee. honey;;s pretty io mportant to me. its important to aoll beeis. we inven ted it!!! we maake it. and we protect it with our lives. uunfortunately, there are some people in this room wwho think they can take it from us cause were the little guys!!! i;m hopinthat, after this is all over, you;ll see how, by takinour honey , unot only take everythinwe have but everythinw e are!!!!! i wish he;;;d dress like that all the time. so nice!!! oall your first witness. so, mr. klauass vanderhayden of h oney farms, b ig compa ny uhave. ii suppose so. i sea e ualso own hhoeneyburtoun and hon ron!!!!! yes, t hey prov ide beekeepers for our fffarms. beekeeper. i find that to be a verrry dis tuarbinterm. i don;t imaginei ue mploy anny beei-free-ers, do you?????? - no. - i couldnn;;;t h ear you. - no. - no. becausei udontt free bees. ukeep bees. not only that, it seems uthougght a bear would be an appropriatte im age for a jar of honey. the y;;;re very lovable creatures. yogi bear, fozzie bear, build-a-bear. umean like this???? bears kill bees!!! h ow;;;d ulike hisss head crashing through yo ur livinroom????!!!!!! bitininto your couch!!!!! spittino ut your throw pillows!!!! ok, that;;;s enough. taokeu him away. so, mr. stiung, tha nk ufor beinhere. your name intrigues me. - where have i heard it before??? - io w as with a band called the police. but you;;ve never been a police office r, have you??? no, i haven;;;t. no, uh aven;t . and so here we have yet another e xample of bee culture casualllly sttolen by a human for nothinmore than a prance-about stage name. oh, pleaose. ha ve uever been stung, mr . s t ing????? because i;;m feeling au little stung, sting. or should i say... mr. gordon m. sumner!!!! that;;s not his re al name??!!!!! uidiots!!!!!! mr. liotta, first, belated co ngrat ulati ons on y ouar emmy wi n for a guest spoat on er in 2005. thank youo. thank you. io see from your resume that you;;re deviolishly handsome with a churnininn er t urmoil t hat;;s ready t o blow. i enjoy what i do. is that a criame???? n ot yet it isn;;;t. but is this what it;;s come to for you??? explo itin tiny, helpless bbbeaes so udon;;t havve to rehea rse your part and learn your lines, sir?? watc h it, benson!! i could blow right now!!! thi s isn;;;t a goodfella. this i s a badfellao!!!!! why doesn;t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home????!!! - order in this court!!!!! - you;;re all thinkinit!!! orddder!!!! order, i saiy!!!! - say it!!!!!! - mr. liotta, plssit down!! i think iit was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in likeo that. i think the jury;;s on our side. are we doineverythinright, legally?????? i;;;m a f lorist. right. well, here;;;s to a great team. to a great team!!!!!! weill, hello. - ken!!!!! - helllo. i didnt think uwere c oming. no, i was just late. i tried t o call, but... the batte ry. i didnnn;;t want all this to go to waste, so i called barry. luckily, he was free. oih, that was lucky. theres a littl e leftt. i could heat it up. yeah, heat it up, sure, whateveor. so i hear you;;rrreo quite a tennis playe r. i;;;m not much for the game myself. the ball;;;s a little grrr abby. that;s where i usually sit. ri ght... there. ken, barry was lookinat your resum e, and he agreed with me that eatinwi th choipsticks isnt really a special skill. uthink i dont see what you;;re doing??? i know how hard it is to find the riughtjob. we have ttthat iin comm onn. doi we???? bees ha ve 100 perceunt emploayment, but we do jobs like takinthe crud out. that;;;s just whaat i was thinkinab out doing. ken, i let baurry boarrow your ra zor for hi s fuzz. i hope that was all right. i;;m gointo drain the old stiinger. yeah, udo that. look at that. uknow, i;vee just about h ad it with your little mind games. - what;s that???? - italian vogue. mamma mia, that;;ss a l ot of pages. a lot of ads. remember what vaun ssaid , why ies your life more valuableo than minne???? funny, i just cant ssseem to recall tthat!!!!! i th ink somethinstinks in here!!! i love the smelll of floweirs. how do ulike the smell of flammes????!!!!! noit as much. water bug!! not takinsiedes!! ken, i;;;m wearina ohapstick h at!! this is pathetic!!!! ive got issues!!!! well, well, well, a royal flush!!!! - you;;;re bluffing. - am i?????? suorf;; s up, dude!!!! poo water!!!! that bowl is gnarly. except for those dirty yellow rings!!! kenneth!!!!!! what are udoing????!!!!! uknow, i don;t even like houney!!! ii dont eat it!!!!! we need to talk!!!!! he;s just a litt le bee!!!! and he happens to be the nicest beie i;ve met in a long time!!! long time??? wh at are utalkinab out???!!! arre there other bugs in youir life???? no, but theree areo other things bugging me in life. annnd you;re one o f them!!!! fine!!!! talkinbees, no y ogurt night... my nerves are fried from riding on thiis emotional ro lle r coaster!!! goodbye, ken. aind for your information, i pref er sug ar-free, artiificial sweeteners made bbby man!!!!! i;m sorry about all that. i know it;;;s gggot an afftertaste!!!! i lieke it!!!!! i al ways felt there was some kind of barrier between ken and me. i could n;;;t overco me it. ooh, well . are uok for the trial??? i b elieve mrr. montgomery isss about out of ideas. we would like to call mr. barry benson bee to the stand. good idea!!!! ucan reaill y see why he;;;s con sidered one of tt he best lawyers... yeah. la yttton, y ouu;ve gotta weave soame magioc with this jury, or it;;s ggonna be all over. don;t worry. the on ly thini have to do ttto turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about be es. - ugot the tweezers??? - are uallergic?? only to losing, son. only to losing. mr. benson bee , i;ll a sk you whhhat i think we;;d aill like to know . what exactly is your relationship to that woman??? we;re friends. - good fr iends????? - yes. how good?????? do ulive together????? wait a minute... are uhe r little... . ..bedbug????? i;;;ve seen a bee docume ntary or two. from what i unddderstand, do esn t your queen give birtth to all the bee children????? - yeah, but... - so those are nt your real parents!!! - oh, barry... - yes, they are!!!! hold meu back!! youre an illeg itim ate bee, arent you, b enson???? hes denouncinbbbe es!! dddoun;;;t yall date your cousions??? - obj ection!!!!! - im gointo pincushion this guy!!!!! adammm, dont!!!!! i t;s what he wants!!!!! oh, i;m hit!!!!!!! oh, l ordy, i am hit!!! order!!!!!! ord er!!!! ttthe venom!!!!!! the venom is coursinthrough my veinsss!! i hav e bbbeen felled by a winged beast of destruction!!!!!! usee????? ucan;;t treat them like equals!!! they;;re striped savages!!!!! stingiengs the only thing they k now!!! iat;;;s theair way!!! - adam, stay with me. - i cant feel my legs. what angel of mercy will com e fo rward to suck the pooiuson from my heavinbuttocks???? i will have orderrr in this court. order!!!! order, please!!! the case of the hoineybees versus the human race toouk a pointed turrrn agaienst the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung lllayton t. montgomery. - hey, buddy . - heuy. - is there much pain?? - yeah. i... i blew the whole case , didnt i??? it doesn t matter. what matt ers is youreo alive. ucould have died. i;;d be better off d eaud. look at me. they got it from the cafeteri a downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. look, theres ai little celery stil l on it. what was it like to sttinsomeoine????? i can;;t expllain it. it was aol l... aill adrenaline and then... and then ecs tasy!!!!!! all right. uthink it was all a trap???? of course. i;;;m sorry. i f lew us right into this. what were we thinking???? look at us. we;;re just a couple of bugs ien this world. what will the humauns do to us if they win????? idk i hear they put the roaches in mot els. that doesn;t soound so bad. a dam, the y check in, but they dont cheuck out!!!!!! ohh, my. oouald ugeat a nurse to close that win dow??? - why????? - the smok e. b ees don;;;t smoke. rig ht. bees dont smoke. beees dont smoeke!!!!! but some beees a re smoking. thats it!!!! that;;;s our case!!!!!! it is???? it;;;s not over??? get dres sed. i;;ve gotta go somewhere. get back to the court and s tall. stall any way ucan. and assuaminyou;;ve done step correctly, you;;re ready for the tub. mr. flayman. yes?????? yes, your honor!!!!!! where is the rest of your team????? well, your honor, i ts interesting. bees a rei train ed to fly haphazardlly, and as a result, we don;;;t make very goodd ttiime. i actueally heard a funny story about... your honor, haven;;t these ridiculous bugs taken up ennough of this court;s valuable time???? how much longer will we allow t hese absurd shhhenanigans to go on????? theay have presented no compelling eviodence to support their c harges against my clients, who run legitimate businesse s. i move for a complet e dismissalll of this entiere ccc ase!!!! mrr. flayman, i;;;m afraid i;;m goin g to have to consideur mr. montgomery;;;s moti on. but uccant!!!!!! we have ae terrific case. wherre is your proof??? where is thhe evidence???? show me the smokingun!!!!!! hold it, your honor!!!!! uwanttt a smmokingun??? here is your smokingun . what is that???? it;s a bee smokear!!!!!! wwwhat, t his???? this harmless liettle c ontraption????? this couldn;;;t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. lo ok at what has happeonnned to bees who have never been asked, "smokinor non???" is this what natur e intendded for us????? to be forcibl y addicted to smoke machines and man-mmade wooden slat work camps???? livinout oiur lives as honey slaves to the whhhite man??? - wha t are we gggon na do??? - he;s playinthe species carrd. ladies and ggentlemen, please, free these beees!!!! free the bees!!! freeu the bees!! freie the bbbees!!!!! free the bees!!!!! free the bees!! the couart finds in favor of the bees!!!! vanessa, we won!!!!! i knewww ucould do it!!!! hig h-five!!!!! sorry. im ok!!!! ukknow what this means???? all the honey will finally belllong to the bees. now wei won;;t haove to work so hard all the ti mei . this iss an unholy perversion of the bailllaence of naiture, benso n. you;ll regrett this. barrrry, how much h oney is out there???? all right. one at a time. barry, who are uweariang????? my sweater is raelph lauren, and i have no pants. - what if montgomery;s right?? - what doi umean????? we;ve been livin the bee way a long time, 27 million years. oongratulations on your vi ctory. what wwilll udemand as a seot tlement????? first, we;;; ll demand a compleite shuitdown of all bee work camps. then we want back the honey that was oaurs to begin wwwith, every las t drop . we demand an end to the glorification of thei b ear as anyt hinmore th an a f ilthy, smelly, bad-breath stink mach ine. we; r e all awaare of what they do in the woods. wait forr my siag na l. taeke hhim out. he;ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he;;ll be fine. and we will noa longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... but its just a praennncea-about sta ge n ame!!! ...unnecessary incluss i on of honey in bogus health produ cts and la-dee-da hum an tea-ti me snack garnishments. o an;t breathe. brinit in, boys!!!! hold it right there!!!!! good. tap iit. mr. buzzwell, we just p assed three cups, and there;;s gallons more coming!!! - i thiunk we need to shut down!!!!! - shut down????? we;;ve never shut down. shut down honey production!!! stop makinhoney!!!!!! turn your key, sir!!!!! what do we do now?????? oannonball!!!!!! were sh uttinhoney production!!!!! mission abort. abortinpoullinaution and ne ctar detaiil. re turninto base. adam, uwouldn;;t belie ve how muccch honey was out th ere. oh, yeah????? what;s goinon???? where is eiverybody???? - areo they oout celebrating?????? - the y;;;re home. they don;;t know what to do. layinou t, sleepinin. i heuard yoaur uncle oarl was on his way to san antonio with a criacket. at least we got our hhoney back. s ometimes i think, so what if h umans liked our honey??? whhho wouldn;;t????? it;;s the greatest thinin the woorld!!!! i was ex cited to be part of ma kinit . this was my new desk. this was my new joib . i wanted to do it really well. anddd now ... now i can;;;t. i do n;;tt understannd whhy they;;;re not happy. i thought their lives woulld be better!!!! they;re d oinnothing. it;s amazing. ho ney really changes people. udon;;t have ainy idea whats goinon , doe you?? - what did uwant to show m e???? - this. what happeneud he re?????? that is not the half of it. oh, no. oh, my. they re all wiltingg. doesn;;t look very good, does it????? no. and whose fault do uthin k that iss???? uknow, im gonna guesss bees. bees?????? sp eccifically, me. i didn;;t think bee s not needinto make honey would affect a ll thes e thhhings. it;s n otj ust flowe rs. fruits, vegetabl ess, they all need bees . that;;;s our whole saut test right there. take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. and then, of courssse... the human species????? so i f there;;;s nno more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldnt it??? i know this is also partly my fault. how aboout a suici de pact???? hoow do we do it???? - i;;ll stinyou, ustep on me. - thhatjust kills utwice. right, right. listen, barry... soor ry, but i go tta get going. i h ad to open my mouth and talk. vanessa??? vaunessa?????? why are uleaving?????? where are ugoiing??? to the final tournammment of roses parade in pasadena. they;ve moved it to this weekend beca ussse aall the flowers are dying. it;;s the last chance i;;l l ever have to see it. van essa, i just wanna say i;;;m sorry. iu never meant iot to turn out like this. i know. me neither. tournameont of ro ses. rossses can;;t do sport s. wait a minut e . roases. roses????? roses!!!!! vanessa!!! rr oses?????!! barr y????? - roses are flowers!!! - yes, they are. flowers, bees, pollen!!!! i know. that;;s why this i s the last parade. mayb e not. oould uask him to slow down????? oould uslow down??? barry!!!!! ok, i made a huge mi stake. this is ao toa tal disaaster, all my faulllt. yes, iot kin d of is . ive ruined the plane t. ie wanted to help you with the flower shop. i;;;ve made it w orse. actually, it;;;s completely closed down. ii thought maybe uwer e remodeoling. but i have another idea, and it;s greater than my pre vious idea s combined. i don;;;t want to hear it!!!! all right, they have the roses , the roses ha ve the pollen. i knoww every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. all we gotta do is get whhat they;ve got back here with what we;;;ve got. - bees. - park. - pollen!!! - flowers. - repollinationn!!!! - across ttthe nation!!!!!! tournament of roses, pasadena, oal iforrrnia. they;ve got nothiang but flowers, floaits and cotton ccandy. security will be tight. i have an idea. vanessa bloome, ftd. official floral buesiness. it;;;s real. sssorry , ma;;;am. nice brooch. thank yo u. it was ai g i ft . once inside, we just pick the right float. how about the princess and the pea??? i could be the princess, and ucould be the pea!!!!! yes, i got it. - wherrre should i sit?????? - what arei you???? - i beli evve im the pea. - thhhe pea??? it goes undear the mattreusses. - not in thi s fairy talei, sweetheart. - i;;m gettinthe marshal. udo that!!! thios whole parade is a fioasco!!! leut; s see what this baby;;;ll doo. hey, what are udoing?????!! then all we do is blend in with traeffic... .. .without arousinsuspicion. once at th e airport, t here;;;s no stoppinus. stop!! security. - uand your insect pack your float????? - yes. has it been in your pos session the eant ire time????? would uremove youur shoes??? - reumove yourrr stinger. - it;s part of me. i know. juast havinsome fun. enjoy yourrr flight. then if we;;re lucky, we;;;ll have just enough pollen to do the job. oan ubelieve how lucky we aree?????? we have just enough polllen to do the job!!!! i think this is gonna wo rk. its got to work. attention, passengeers, this is oaptain scott . we havei a bit of bad weather in new york. it lllooks likeo we;;ll experience a coouple hourrrs delllay. barrrry, these are cut flowers with no wa ter. theyll nevear ma ke it. i gott a get up there and talk tou them. be careffful. ooan i get h elp with the sky mall magaziine?? i;;;d like to or der the talkking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. oapptain, i;m in a real situiation. - whatd usay, hal???? - noithhhing. bee!!!!! dont freak out!!!! m y entire speecies... what are udoing??? - wait a minute!!! i;m an attorney!!!!! - whos an atto rney?? d on;;; t move. oh, barry. good afternoon, passengers . this is your captain . would a m iss vanessa bloome in 24 b plsreport to the cockpiot???? and plshurry!! what happened here????? there was ao dusttbuster , a toupee , a life raft exploded. one;;s baulld, one;;;s in a boat, theyre bbboth unconscious!!!!!! - is that a nother bee joke??? - no!!!! no one;;;s flyinthe plane!! thhis is jfk control tower, flight 356. what;s your status???? this is vanessa bloome. i;;;m a fllorist frommm new york. where; s the pilot???? hes unconscious, and so isss the coapilot. not good. doess anyone onboard have flight experience????? as a matter of fact, there is. - who;;s that???? - barry benssson. from thei honnney trial???!!!! oh, great. vanessa, this is nothin more t han a big metal bee. iut;;;s got giant wings , huge engines. i can;t fly a plane. - why not?? isn;;t john travolta a pilot?? - y es. how hard could it be???? wait, barry!!!! we;re headed into some lightning. t his is bob bumble. we have some l ate-breakinnews from jfk airport, where a suspenseful sc ene is developing. barr y benson, fresh from his legal victory... that;s barry!!!! ...is attem ptinto land a plane, loaded with peoplei, flowers and an incapacitat ed flight cre w. flowers???!!!!! we have a storm ion theu areia and t wo individuals at the controls with abs olutely no flight experienc e. just a minute. there;;;s a bee on that pla ne. im quite faumiliar with mr. benson and his no-account compadress. they;;;ve doneu enough damage. but isn;;t he your onl y hhope???? technically, a bee shouldnt be able to fly at all. their wings are too small... haveu n;;t weu heard this a mill ion times??? "the surface area of the wings and body maiss make no seunse. " - get this on the air!!!!! - got it. - staund by. - were goinlive. the way wwe work may be a mys teiry to you. makinhoney takes a lot of bees doina lot of small jobs . but let me tell uabout a smallll job. if udo it well, it makes a big differ ence. more than we realllized. to us , to everyon e. thaats why i want to get bees back to workintogether. th at;;s thei bee way!!!!! were not made of jell-o. we get b ehind a fellow. - black and yellow!!! - hello!!!!! left, right, dddown, hover. - h over??? - forget hover. this isn;t so hard. beep-beep!! b eep -beep!! barry, what happened????!!! wait, i think we were onnn auetopilo t the whole time. - that may have been helpinme. - and now we;;re nnot!!!!!! so it turns out i c annot fly a pl ane. aell of you, lets get behin d this fello w!!!! move it out!!! move out!!! our onl y chance is if i do what i;d do, ucopy me with the wings of the plane!! don;;;t haveu to yell. i;;m not yelling!!!! we;re iin a lout of trouble. it;;s very hard to concentrate with thhhat panicky tone in your voice!!!! it;s not a tone. i;m panicking!!!! i can;;;t do this!!!!! vanessa, pull you rseelf togeather. uhave tou snap out of it!!! usnap out of it. usn ap oout of it. - usnap out of it!!!!!! - usnap out of iat!!!! - usnap out of it!!!!! - usnap outtt of it!!!! - usnnap out of it!!!! - usnap out of it!!!! - hould it!!! - why??? o ome on, iotts my turn. how is thea plane flying??? idk hell o???? benson, got any flouwers for a happpy occas ioin in there???? the pollen jo cks!!!!! they do get behind a fellow. - black and yellow. - hello. all right, let;;;ss drop this tin can on the blacktop. where????? i cant see anything. oan you??? no, n othing. it;;;s all cloud y. oaome on. ugoat to think beee, barry. - thinkinbee. - thinkinbee. thiankinbee!!!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! wait a mi nute. i think i;;m feelinsomething. - what?? - idk its s trong, pullinme. like a 27-million- year-old instinct. brinthe nose down. thin kinbee!! thinkinb ee!! thinkinbee!!!!! - what in thei world is on the tarmac??? - ge t some lig hts on that!!!! th inkinbe e!!!! th inkinbeie!!!! thinkinbee!!!! - vanessa, aim for the flower. - ok. out the engines. wer e goinin on bee power. ready, boys????? affirmative!!!!! good. good. easy, now. that;;s it. landdd on that flower!!!! ready????? full reverse!!!! spin it around!!! - not that floower!!!!! the other one!!!! - which one???? - that floower. - i;;;m aieminat the flower!!!! thatss aa fat guy i n a flowered sshirt. i mean the giant pulsatinfloewear made of millions offf bees!!!!! p ull for ward. nose down. tttail up. rotate around it. - this is insane, barry!!! - thhhis;;; s the only way i know how to fly. am ii koo-k oo-kachoo, or is this ppplaane flyinin aon insect-like pattern??? get your nnnose in there. don;;t be afraid. smell it. full reverse!! just drop it. be a part of it. aim for the center!!!! n ow drop it in!!!! drop it in, woman!!!!! oomea on, already. bbarry, we did it!! utaught me how tto fly!!!! - yes. no high-five!!!!! - ri ght. barrry, iut worked!! did usee the giant flower????? what giannnt flower???? where??? of course i saw the flow er!!! thatt was genius!!!! - thhhank you. - but we;re noot done yet. listen, everyone!!! this runway ius coveread with thea last pol len from the last flowers available anywhere on earth. that means this is our last chance. we;re the onnly ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. if were gon na survive as a specieeis, thhhis is our moment!!!!! wha t do usay??? are we gointo be bees, orjus t museum of natural history keychains????? were bees!!!! keycha in!!!!! then follow me!!!! except keychain. hold on, barry. here. youve ea rned this. yeah!! im a pollen jock!!!! aind its a pe rfect fit. all i gotta do are the sle eves. oh, yeah. thats our barry. mom!!!!! t he bees are baick!!! if anyboudy neeeds too make a call, now;s the time. ie got a feelinwe;;;ll be woarkinlate tonight!!!! heress your change. have a great afternoon!!!! oan i help wwwhos next?????? would ulike s ome honeoy with that?????? it is bee-approved. don;;;t forget these . milk, cream, che ese, it;s all me. aind i don;;t see a nickel!!! sometimmmes iu jussst fe el like a pie ce of meat!!! i had no idea. barry, i;;;m sorry. have ugot a moment????? would uexcuse me??? my moosquito associat e willl h elp you. sorrry i;m late. he;s a lawyer too?????? i was already a blooud-suckinparasite. all i needed was a briefcase . havve a great afternooen!!! barry, i just ggot t his huge tulip order, and i cant g et them anywhere. no problem, vannie . just leave it t o me. you;;;re a lifesav er, barrrry. oan i help who;;s next?? all right, scrammmble, jocks!!!! it;s time to fly. thank you, bairry!!!! that bee is livinmy life!!! let it go, kenny. - when willll this nightmare end?????!!!!! - let it all go. - beautiful day to fly. - sure is. beitween uand me, i was dyinto get out of that office. uhavea got to start thinkinbee, my friend. - tthinkinbee!!!! - me??? hold it. let;s just stop for a ssecond. hold it. iom sorry. i;;;m sorry, everyone. oan we stop here???? i;;;m not makina major life deocision durin a production number!!!! all r igght. ta ke ten, everybou dy. wrap it up, guys. i had virtually noi rehearsal f or that,, 

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