#also a big part of what she's criticizing + fearful of seeing an increase of in this section is specifically. transmisogyny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

transgenderteensurvivalguide · 3 years

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“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

And so Page—who charmed America as a precocious pregnant teenager in Juno, constructed dreamscapes in Inception and now stars in Netflix’s hit superhero show The Umbrella Academy, the third season of which he’s filming in Toronto—expected that his news would be met with both applause and vitriol. “What I was anticipating was a lot of support and love and a massive amount of hatred and transphobia,” says Page. “That’s essentially what happened.” What he did not anticipate was just how big this story would be. Page’s announcement, which made him one of the most famous out trans people in the world, started trending on Twitter in more than 20 countries. He gained more than 400,000 new followers on Instagram on that day alone. Thousands of articles were published. Likes and shares reached the millions. Right-wing podcasters readied their rhetoric about “women in men’s locker rooms.” Casting directors reached out to Page’s manager saying it would be an honor to cast Page in their next big movie.

So, it was a lot. Over the course of two conversations, Page will say that understanding himself in all the specifics remains a work in progress. Fathoming one’s gender, an identity innate and performed, personal and social, fixed and evolving, is complicated enough without being under a spotlight that never seems to turn off. But having arrived at a critical juncture, Page feels a deep sense of responsibility to share his truth. “Extremely influential people are spreading these myths and damaging rhetoric—every day you’re seeing our existence debated,” Page says. “Transgender people are so very real.”

That role in Pit Pony led to other productions and eventually, when Page was 16, to a film called Mouth to Mouth. Playing a young anarchist, Page had a chance to cut his hair again. This time, he shaved it off completely. The kids at his high school teased him, but in photos he has posted from that time on social media he looks at ease. Page’s head was still shaved when he mailed in an audition tape for the 2005 thriller Hard Candy. The people in charge of casting asked him to audition again in a wig. Soon, the hair was back.

Page’s tour de force performance in Hard Candy led, two years later, to Juno, a low-budget indie film that brought Page Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations and sudden megafame. The actor, then 21, struggled with the stresses of that ascension. The endless primping, red carpets and magazine spreads were all agonizing reminders of the disconnect between how the world saw Page and who he knew himself to be. “I just never recognized myself,” Page says. “For a long time I could not even look at a photo of myself.” It was difficult to watch the movies too, especially ones in which he played more feminine roles.

Page loved making movies, but he also felt alienated by Hollywood and its standards. Alia Shawkat, a close friend and co-star in 2009’s Whip It,describes all the attention from Juno as scarring. “He had a really hard time with the press and expectations,” Shawkat says. “‘Put this on! And look this way! And this is sexy!’”

By the time he appeared in blockbusters like X-Men: The Last Stand and Inception, Page was suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He didn’t know, he says, “how to explain to people that even though [I was] an actor, just putting on a T-shirt cut for a woman would make me so unwell.” Shawkat recalls Page’s struggles with clothes. “I’d be like, ‘Hey, look at all these nice outfits you’re getting,’ and he would say, ‘It’s not me. It feels like a costume,’” she says. Page tried to convince himself that he was fine, that someone who was fortunate enough to have made it shouldn’t have complaints. But he felt exhausted by the work required to “just exist,” and thought more than once about quitting acting.

In 2014, Page came out as gay, despite feeling for years that “being out was impossible” given his career. (Gender identity and sexual orientation are, of course, distinct, but one queer identity can coexist with another.) In an emotional speech at a Human Rights Campaign conference, Page talked about being part of an industry “that places crushing standards” on actors and viewers alike. “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak,” Page went on. “And they serve no one.”

The actor started wearing suits on the red carpet. He found love, marrying choreographer Emma Portner in 2018. He asserted more agency in his career, producing his own films with LGBTQ leads like Freeheld and My Days of Mercy. And he made a masculine wardrobe a condition of taking roles. Yet the daily discord was becoming unbearable. “The difference in how I felt before coming out as gay to after was massive,” says Page. “But did the discomfort in my body ever go away? No, no, no, no.”

In part, it was the isolation forced by the pandemic that brought to a head Page’s wrestling with gender. (Page and Portner separated last summer, and the two divorced in early 2021. “We’ve remained close friends,” Page says.) “I had a lot of time on my own to really focus on things that I think, in so many ways, unconsciously, I was avoiding,” he says. He was inspired by trailblazing trans icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who found success in Hollywood while living authentically. Trans writers helped him understand his feelings; Page saw himself reflected in P. Carl’s memoir Becoming a Man. Eventually “shame and discomfort” gave way to revelation. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” Page says, “and letting myself fully become who I am.”

This led to a series of decisions. One was asking the world to call him by a different name, Elliot, which he says he’s always liked. Page has a tattoo that says E.P. PHONE HOME, a reference to a movie about a young boy with that name. “I loved E.T. when I was a kid and always wanted to look like the boys in the movies, right?” he says. The other decision was to use different pronouns—for the record, both he/him and they/them are fine. (When I ask if he has a preference on pronouns for the purposes of this story, Page says, “He/him is great.”)

A day before we first speak, Page will talk to his mom about this interview and she will tell him, “I’m just so proud of my son.” He grows emotional relating this and tries to explain that his mom, the daughter of a minister, who was born in the 1950s, was always trying to do what she thought was best for her child, even if that meant encouraging young Page to act like a girl. “She wants me to be who I am and supports me fully,” Page says. “It is a testament to how people really change.”

Another decision was to get top surgery. Page volunteers this information early in our conversation; at the time he posted his disclosure on Instagram, he was recovering in Toronto. Like many trans people, Page emphasizes being trans isn’t all about surgery. For some people, it’s unnecessary. For others, it’s unaffordable. For the wider world, the media’s focus on it has sensationalized transgender bodies, inviting invasive and inappropriate questions. But Page describes surgery as something that, for him, has made it possible to finally recognize himself when he looks in the mirror, providing catharsis he’s been waiting for since the “total hell” of puberty. “It has completely transformed my life,” he says. So much of his energy was spent on being uncomfortable in his body, he says. Now he has that energy back.

For the transgender community at large, visibility does not automatically lead to acceptance. Around the globe, transgender people deal disproportionately with violence and discrimination. Anti-trans hate crimes are on the rise in the U.K. along with increasingly transphobic rhetoric in newspapers and tabloids. In the U.S., in addition to the perennial challenges trans people face with issues like poverty and homelessness, a flurry of bills in state legislatures would make it a crime to provide transition-related medical care to trans youth. And crass old jokes are still in circulation. When Biden lifted the ban on open service for transgender troops, Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che did a bit on Weekend Update about the policy being called “don’t ask, don’t tuck.”

Page says coming out as trans was “selfish” on one level: “It’s for me. I want to live and be who I am.” But he also felt a moral imperative to do so, given the times. Human identity is complicated and mysterious, but politics insists on fitting everything into boxes. In today’s culture wars, simplistic beliefs about gender—e.g., chromosomes = destiny—are so widespread and so deep-seated that many people who hold those beliefs don’t feel compelled to consider whether they might be incomplete or prejudiced. On Feb. 24, after a passionate debate on legislation that would ban discrimination against LGBTQ people, Representative Marie Newman, an Illinois Democrat, proudly displayed the pride flag in support of her daughter, who is trans. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican, responded by hanging a poster outside her office that read: There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE.

The next day Dr. Rachel Levine, who stands to become the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, endured a tirade from Senator Rand Paul about “genital mutilation” during her confirmation hearing. My second conversation with Page happens shortly after this. He brings it up almost immediately, and seems both heartbroken and determined. He wants to emphasize that top surgery, for him, was “not only life-changing but lifesaving.” He implores people to educate themselves about trans lives, to learn how crucial medical care can be, to understand that lack of access to it is one of the many reasons that an estimated 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide, according to one survey.

Page has been in the political trenches for a while, having leaned into progressive activism after coming out as queer in 2014. For two seasons, he and best friend Ian Daniel filmed Gaycation, a Viceland series that explored LGBTQ culture around the world and, at one point, showed Page grilling Senator Ted Cruz at the Iowa State Fair about discrimination against queer people. In 2019, Page made a documentary called There’s Something in the Water, which explores environmental hardships experienced by communities of color in Nova Scotia, with $350,000 of his own money. That activism extends to his own industry: in 2017, he published a Facebook post that, among other things, accused director Brett Ratner of forcibly outing him as gay on the set of an X-Men movie. (A representative for Ratner did not respond to a request for comment.)

As a trans person who is white, wealthy and famous, Page has a unique kind of privilege, and with it an opportunity to advocate for those with less. According to the U.S. Trans Survey, a large-scale report from 2015, transgender people of color are more likely to experience unemployment, harassment by police and refusals of medical care. Nearly half of all Black respondents reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed and/or physically attacked in the past year. Trans people as a group fare much worse on such stats than the general population. “My privilege has allowed me to have resources to get through and to be where I am today,” Page says, “and of course I want to use that privilege and platform to help in the ways I can.”

Since his disclosure, Page has been mostly quiet on social media. One exception has been to tweet on behalf of the ACLU, which is in the midst of fighting anti-trans bills and laws around the country, including those that ban transgender girls and women from participating in sports. Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves says he will sign such a bill in the name of “protect[ing] young girls.” Page played competitive soccer and vividly recalls the agony of being told he would have to play on the girls’ team once he aged out of mixed-gender squads. After an appeal, Page was allowed to play with the boys for an additional year. Today, several bills list genitalia as a requirement for deciding who plays on which team. “I would have been in that position as a kid,” Page says. “It’s horrific.”

All this advocacy is unlikely to make life easier. “You can’t enter into certain spaces as a public trans person,” says the ACLU’s Strangio, “without being prepared to spend some percentage of your life being threatened and harassed.” Yet, while he seems overwhelmed at times, Page is also eager. Many of the political attacks on trans people—whether it is a mandate that bathroom use be determined by birth sex, a blanket ban on medical interventions for trans kids or the suggestion that trans men are simply wayward women beguiled by male privilege—carry the same subtext: that trans people are mistaken about who they are. “We know who we are,” Page says. “People cling to these firm ideas [about gender] because it makes people feel safe. But if we could just celebrate all the wonderful complexities of people, the world would be such a better place.”

Even if Page weren’t vocal, his public presence would communicate something powerful. That is in part because of what Paisley Currah, a professor of political science at Brooklyn College, calls “visibility gaps.” Historically, trans women have been more visible, in culture and in Hollywood, than trans men. There are many explanations: Our culture is obsessed with femininity. Men’s bodies are less policed and scrutinized. Patriarchal people tend to get more emotional about who is considered to be in the same category as their daughters. “And a lot of trans men don’t stand out as trans,” says Currah, who is a trans man himself. “I think we’ve taken up less of the public’s attention because masculinity is sort of the norm.”

During our interviews, Page will repeatedly refer to himself as a “transgender guy.” He also calls himself nonbinary and queer, but for him, transmasculinity is at the center of the conversation right now. “It’s a complicated journey,” he says, “and an ongoing process.”

While the visibility gap means that trans men have been spared some of the hate endured by trans women, it has also meant that people like Page have had fewer models. “There were no examples,” Page says of growing up in Halifax in the 1990s. There are many queer people who have felt “that how they feel deep inside isn’t a real thing because they never saw it reflected back to them,” says Tiq Milan, an activist, author and transgender man. Page offers a reflection: “They can see that and say, ‘You know what, that’s who I am too,’” Milan says. When there aren’t examples, he says, “people make monsters of us.”

For decades, that was something Hollywood did. As detailed in the 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure, transgender people have been portrayed onscreen as villainous and deceitful, tragic subplots or the butt of jokes. In a sign of just how far the industry has come—spurred on by productions like Pose and trailblazers like Mock—Netflix offered to change the credits on The Umbrella Academy the same day that its star posted his statement on social media. Now when an episode ends, the first words viewers see are “Elliot Page.”

Today, there are many out trans and nonbinary actors, directors and producers. Storylines involving trans people are more common, more respectful. Sometimes that aspect of identity is even incidental, rather than the crux of a morality tale. And yet Hollywood can still seem a frightening place for LGBTQ people to come out. “It’s an industry that says, ‘Don’t do that,’” says director Silas Howard, who got his break on Amazon’s show Transparent, which made efforts to hire transgender crew members. “I wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t have a trans initiative,” Howard says. “I’m always aware of that.”

So what will it mean for Page’s career? While Page has appeared in many projects, he also faced challenges landing female leads because he didn’t fit Hollywood’s narrow mold. Since Page’s Instagram post, his team is seeing more activity than they have in years. Many of the offers coming in—to direct, to produce, to act—are trans-related, but there are also some “dude roles.”

Downtime in quarantine helped Page accept his gender identity. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” he says.

Page was attracted to the role of Vanya in The Umbrella Academy because—in the first season, released in 2019—Vanya is crushed by self-loathing, believing herself to be the only ordinary sibling in an extraordinary family. The character can barely summon the courage to move through the world. “I related to how much Vanya was closed off,” Page says. Now on set filming the third season, co-workers have seen a change in the actor. “It seems like there’s a tremendous weight off his shoulders, a feeling of comfort,” says showrunner Steve Blackman. “There’s a lightness, a lot more smiling.” For Page, returning to set has been validating, if awkward at times. Yes, people accidentally use the wrong pronouns—“It’s going to be an adjustment,” Page says—but co-workers also see and acknowledge him.

The debate over whether cisgender people, who have repeatedly collected awards for playing trans characters, should continue to do so has largely been settled. However, trans actors have rarely been considered for cisgender parts. Whatever challenges might lie ahead, Page seems exuberant about playing a new spectrum of roles. “I’m really excited to act, now that I’m fully who I am, in this body,” Page says. “No matter the challenges and difficult moments of this, nothing amounts to getting to feel how I feel now.”

This includes having short hair again. During our interview, Page keeps rearranging strands on his forehead. It took a long time for him to return to the barber’s chair and ask to cut it short, but he got there. And how did that haircut feel?

Page tears up again, then smiles. “I just could not have enjoyed it more,” he says.”

#suicide m #transphobia m #Elliot Page #transgender #representation #celebrities #actors #tv #movies #rep #trans #transmasculine #nonbinary #queer #long post

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midgardsbest · 3 years

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Imagine: You feel a bit off today and the argument with your boyfriend Loki doesn’t make things better. What happens when a Steve who doesn’t understand British slang and an overprotective father ruin your sweet plan to get him back?

N/A: Hello dearests, enjoy this new Loki x reader imagine and tell me what are your impressions about it. If you wanna. If you don’t then DEATH. TO ALL OF THEM. Jk. Hope y’all got that reference. 🤟

Warnings: BestFriend!Natasha, Thor is lovely as usual, Dad!TonyStark, Boyfriend!Loki, Language, Fluff, Angst and more fluff, a bit of passion, and British reader/use of British slang (pretty easy and self-explanatory)

Words: 1953

Waking up that morning was tremendously hard. You stumbled against any piece of furniture installed inside of your room by your father, Tony Stark. Well, he was your stepfather, technically, but you weren’t particularly fond of the use of that word.

Yawning your way into the kitchen of the compound, you avoided meeting eyes with Steve. He had been more stressed than usual in the last few days, probably given the upcoming mission. He lashed out at you the day before, or at least that's what you thought was happening.

"I think a cuppa would serve you right."

"A what?"

You looked at him as if he were stupid, but you knew it couldn't be that. "A cuppa? It's.. a cup of tea. You don't know that?" Given his expression, either he was a bit dumb or was just done with you for that day. "No. I like coffee. But thank you."

You weren't mad at him, of course. Nonetheless, ignoring him for a bit did sound like a better idea than trying to cheer him up with your British manners, if you could say. He did not look happy about that.

Staring at the emptiness of your black coffee (and almost gagging at the rough taste), you swallowed the smothering ache in your heart. What was it you were yearning for?

You couldn't place in your mind the exact reason behind this suffering, but you soon grew tired of it. With a pair of eyes following your figure left unnoticed, you dragged yourself up to your room to somehow get ready.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know man. Shouldn't you be locked up in your room like Stark- and he's gone. Thanks for the chat, popsicle."

This was boring, wasn't it? It was raining outside. Perhaps if you were in a rom-com you'd be soaked wet, lightheartedly dancing with a cover of dreamy clouds in the sky, glancing at your boyfriend from time to time, pretending you didn't see his "this is the woman I'll marry" eyes consuming you entirely. However, you weren't the protagonist of a rom-com, much less of a poorly written fan fiction. Additionally, your dear boyfriend wasn't officially... well, your boyfriend, and he'd been ignoring you completely. Which hurt, but your pride defeated your consciousness and you didn't want to talk to him about it.

Then, an idea took place in your mind. You had an opportunity to get back your not-much-of-a-boyfriend, the Captain's shy smile and your fun. Some might say even something more along the way.

"I AM DONE. COMPLETELY, UTTERLY DONE."

You slammed the door of Natasha's office, ignoring the frightening look she gave you and pointed to the chair right in front of you with questioning eyes.

"You slammed my door shut, might as well."

Your eyes dropped unnoticeably. Someone would have noticed though, only he wasn't there.

"I gotta do something. Would you help me with it?."

"What would I help you with, exactly? Y/N, if this is one of your unsettled plans..." She leaned back on the chair, tapping the desk with her bare fingernails.

"No! You can trust me on this, Nat. Please do. I'll buy you some nail polish."

"What?"

"WHAT?" Tony on the verge of an anxiety attack wasn't exactly how you thought this plan would go, even though him finding out was not part of it as well.

"Boss, your heart rate is increasing critically."

"Vacation's over. FRIDAY, let's go back to the compound."

You could hear their voices on the other end of the line.

You still didn't utter a word, already having made the mistake of asking your dad when he was bound to return from his "job thing" in Rome. You shouldn’t have said that, because "you never care about it", so it was either a party you were planning or a date. Besides, you might've mentioned the mission that you later remembered, you weren’t supposed to know about.

Your leg was trembling now, having realized the crap mistake you made. "Well shit."

"Y/N!"

"Oh, forgot you were still on. Love you, Dad, bye."

Natasha gawked at you, shaking her head slightly, arms crossed in front of her. This plan was a massive mistake. But it was your plan and you wouldn’t give up on it.

Around noon, Stark made his entry into the structure and went straight to your room, knocking on the door half a time and anchoring his feet to the ground with every step. Hiding your uneven breath, and thanking Nat for her wise advice ("just play sick", she said), you raised the sheets over your painted red nose.

Your dad searched for you in your cosy bedroom, just to find your teary innocent eyes full of greed for success. Maybe you did have a fever.

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me you were sick? I thought you were gonna run off to a party or something you kids do."

You shifted under the covers. Shit. That was the plan after all. You were going to coerce Steve into partying with you somewhere you knew Loki would find you, like perhaps that club just around the corner where he wore that leather jacket once. Big story. Regardless, it didn't mean much now that he just vanished from your life.

"I wouldn't have gone anywhere."

An aching cough caught your breath. You tried to keep your eyebrows from furrowing at the actual symptom. You never got sick. Not really, at least.

Tony's eyes were clouded with worry, not liking the sight of you in pain.

"This is what we'll do, kid. You get some rest and I'll have Steve make you some tea."

You sniggered: "Just don't call it a cuppa."

As soon as he left the room, Natasha came out of the bathroom. Your eyes felt heavy, but your mind was still somewhere else.

"You'd make a great actress, has anyone told you that?" she grinned. You liked Nat, especially when you knew she was comfortable enough to enjoy spending time with you. She was your first real friend here at the compound. Your father would keep you hidden here when you were younger, and even though he tried his best to never make you feel like you were alone, he wasn't around much, and always left you with Pepper or Happy, who you now knew as your mother and uncle.

You coughed once again, this time harder, and brought a hand on your chest.

Nat stared at you for a little while.

"You're ill."

"Yeah. And the sun's coming out. This day just couldn't get worse. Did I just manifest getting sick?"

When she stood up from the little chair that was at the side of your bed, she gave you a comforting smile, and then she left, leaving you in Morpheus' arms to fall asleep.

"Do you think perhaps it is best to wake her?"

"Don't be foolish, brother. She is much better like this."

"You mean she's comfortable?"

"I mean she's bearable."

"Ughh."

"Perfect! Lady Y/N, you seem to have awakened."

You looked at the Norse brothers standing at the feet of your bed, still feeling dizzy from your remarkable nap. You hadn't slept this good in a while.

"Thor. Yes. Woken u-uh..p." You stood up. You looked at them. You glanced at them once again.

"OH MY GOD." You quickly covered your face with your hands. Gods, Loki was in your room. He wasn't looking at you, but he was in your room. You could feel his coldness reaching up to your veins - and heart, not only making you feel sick in your stomach but also causing a complementary shameful headache.

"Is uhm... something wrong, Y/N?" Thor's warm voice grounded you slightly but never enough.

With a shallow breath, you released your hands, dropping them along with your head. Looking at the silk white sheets, you wondered if strangling yourself with them would solve anything.

"No, thank you, Thor. Could you just give me a minute to uhm... I need to uh... powder my nose."

He smiled. "Ah yes of course. We'll be in the kitchen."

Your breath hitched. You had to do something.

"Wait!" They altered their steps, this time you looked directly into Loki's ice-blue eyes. "Gotta speak. I mean- I- 'd like to speak to Loki. For a minute. If possible."

Thor adjusted the weight on his feet and then nodded, sizing the room with his comfortable aura.

The instant he left, that same energy vanished, leaving you and that subjugating man to war. A conflict formed of rivalry, an uneasy sense of fear for all that was yet to be said and a deep, desperate need for each other in all ways known to your kind.

You soon grew tired of the dreadful silence. "Are you gonna say anything or shall I speak first?"

"Speak." He kept on staring at the window.

You debated if getting out of the bed would be better for this argument.

"Don't. And there will be no such thing as an argument. I'm not going to force your decision."

You blinked at him. What? Did the ice get to his head?

"Pardon? What decision? And who gave you permission to read my mind, Loki? You left me. Alone. You didn't speak to me for a week. Like... out of nowhere. Just like that- What. Decision." You did get out of bed, now showing your white lace robe to him. If he were looking at you, you'd have felt naked under his gaze.

He kept silent for a while and you did not once stop beholding him.

"I thought you wished not to see me again." He finally witnessed you, completely, entirely, just like you knew he would. Just the way you longed for.

"Why? When did you ever get that impression from me? If I did something wrong please tell me but don't just... don't go away from me."

He attentively took a few steps closer to you. It looked menacing but you knew he was just calculating your next move. He was the prey. But it was you who kept still.

"The bar." The bar?

"What bar?"

"Last week, you brought me to a place. I wore a leather jacket."

Your eyes instantly watered a bit.

"Loki..."

"No. My actions were unnecessary and I shouldn't have- I-."

You broke, fully. You gave in to your heart and hurried to him, still too far across the room. You wrapped your trembling hands around him and almost fell whilst doing so. But he held you mightily, adapting to your action like a lock when it finds its key.

"Lokes... why'd you think that?" You tucked your face in his green and golden armour. "I lo- I know you didn't mean that. You didn't do anything wrong. Please. Is that why you weren't speaking to me anymore?"

Glancing up at him, your gazes met, lost in each other like you could both find your way home. "Yes."

You smiled softly. "Don't do that again. Just talk to me next time."

"There won't be a next time". At that, you frowned. Would he never go out with you again?

"What d'you mean?"

He caressed your cheek, hidden emotions revealed by the trembling of the movement.

"I'll do my best to not do you wrong ever again. It is a promise I'll keep as close to my heart as a dagger."

You giggled dreamily. "Please don't put a knife to your heart."

He moved you closer to his touch. "I won't. But if I do it'll be you who holds the handle."

"You cheeky bastard." And to that, he kissed you ardently, air unneeded for your lungs to work.

N/A: Any idea on what might’ve happened at the club? Also… Loki in a leather jacket.

#loki friggason #loki imagine #loki laufeyson #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki fandom #marvel imagine #mcu x reader #marvel #marvel movies #thor the dark world #thor odinson #tony stark #natasha romanoff

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skye-huntress · 3 years

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RWBY Panel 2021 Reaction

I figured why not. I was up at three in the morning to watch the panel just for even the smallest sneak peak or news of Volume 9 so I might as well throw out my reactions and thoughts into the void of the internet.

Let me start off with the biggest non-news, the lack of date for Volume 9. In the back of my mind, this was something I feared to expect. Between the pandemic, the blackouts, and probably a lot of other disrupting forces I am not aware about, it’s not reasonable to expect CRWBY to be at the same place with every upcoming volume every year. Similar for the Volume 8 Soundtrack, though for that I wasn’t expecting to hear any new updates on.

I am interested in the new game, Arrowfell, though I will admit that side-scrollers are not a style of game I’ve ever found compelling. It’s RWBY though, so of course I am going to check it out. They never said anything about what platforms it would be on though.

Now for the sneaky peak:

I’ll admit, that first half of it was intense. It really brought everything back, the anxiety, the near-panic, the anticipation of what would happen. It felt fresh seeing it from Ruby’s perspective.

Maybe seeing Yang’s fall happen in realtime will get people to lighten up on Ruby and realise that she couldn’t have really done anything, but I doubt it.

It is interesting to see how the edges of Ruby’s vision light up when she’s trying to call on her silver eye powers. I’d wager she experiences other sensations as well when its working and not just the sudden fatigue we see her go through after the fact.

So Neo is still attacking Ruby on sight despite the fact this path may have already sealed both their fates. I feel I should say this, I don’t think there is any reasoning with Neo. If she’s half as smart as she thinks she is, there’s no way she genuinely believes Ruby is responsible for Roman’s death. She went after Cinder first for a reason. She’s angry and in pain, and she needs someone a little easier to stab than a rogue maiden to take out her frustrations on. Ruby’s just a convenient scapegoat for Neo. One way or another, it will end this volume.

Oscar, Yang, Penny. These are all people Ruby has failed recently. Oscar was captured and tortured and Ruby didn’t even hear of it until afterwards. Yang took the blow meant for her and was the first to fall. Penny is the Maiden and it was Ruby’s job to protect her but now she is at Cinder’s mercy and that bitch doesn’t even have the word in her vocabulary. I feel this is the volume where Ruby has to confront her failures and increasing doubts about her leadership. We’ve been building up to it for a while

All alone and unarmed on a shore, in a strange place in another world. Nothing to do but keep moving forward.

At the very least, that she landed in the same realm we saw Crescent Rose suggests all or at least some of the Fallen have ended up in the same place.

Predictions

For Ruby, I think this will be a critical volume for her. All sorts of negativity has been building up with her for a while now and with her current situation, the fate of her friends, and when the news of Penny’s death inevitably reaches her, something is going to give. This might be a break from the plot but it is also a break for Ruby to reevaluate her leadership, her choices and how she’s been handling basically everything. How this changes her will likely determine the direction of the show and how the protagonists confront Salem going forward.

For Weiss, this could also be a big volume for her. For one, she’s gained and lost a lot this volume. Atlas, for all its faults which caused her to leave it twice, was her home, and now it is rubble and those of her people that survived are now refugees in a Kingdom they are not necessarily welcome. She confronted her father, and was working on her relationship with the rest of her family, but is now separated from them. She wasn’t as close with Penny as Ruby, but she lost her, too, and now her sister has the same target on her back and is probably doomed to suffer the same fate sooner or later. She also thought she lost her other family and it will be bittersweet to find herself stranded with them if when she can find them again. It’s been a rollercoaster for her.

While on this note, I think we are due for a heart-to-heart between Ruby and Weiss. Ruby recently had a talk with both Blake and Yang about her leadership, but I think Weiss has the best chance of actually reaching her. After all, Weiss was the first one to openly express doubts about Ruby being a leader, and it was also a position she once coveted for herself. Weiss is the sceptic turned believer, and she’s not afraid to call things as they are, so I think she is and always was the best one to talk to Ruby about this, which is why I think they never had this conversation before. Now that Ruby is in this critical stage, of course this is the perfect time for her once reluctant and now devoted partner to put in her two cents.

Since everything went down with Adam and her relationship with Yang improved, I haven’t been quite sure where Blake’s character arc will go from there. When Yang fell, she nearly completely lost and it clouded her judgment. After her talk with Nora, I wonder if Blake herself needs to reevaluate if perhaps there are parts about her own life and wellbeing that she has neglected since she and Yang have gotten closer. Perhaps it’s a time for her to reevaluate her priorities, which doesn’t necessarily mean distancing herself from Yang but it could still mean she puts more effort into herself and her other relationships, especially with Ruby, Weiss and Jaune.

Yang was the first to fall and everything went to shit after the fact. She stopped a sneak attack on Ruby but she couldn’t stop Neo or Cinder, and she was not there for her team or Penny. That moment is probably also too familiar to what happened with Adam at Beacon for Yang’s comfort, not that I think there was anything she could do better in either situation besides simply being faster. I don’t know what Yang’s response to everything will be, what effect this will have on her. Plus I can’t forget that she’s probably suffering a concussion right now.

As for the Bees, despite all they’ve been through and even with the split that happened last volume, they were still closer than ever. There’s a mutual respect there for each other’s decisions. If one is going through something, the other will be there to talk them through it or even simply be a shoulder to cry on. If this is a situation that they’ll be stuck on for the foreseeable future, at least they have each other and there are worse places they could be stranded in. Despite everything that happened or maybe even because of it, it might seem the perfect setting and timing for some confessions and more.

Now to Jaune. He certainly hasn’t had it easy. From the start, he was the furthest behind among his peers, and now he’s been licensed earlier than most of them. Pyrrha helped him a lot with that, and was the first to believe in him and she was taken from him, and it seems he came to terms with that since Argus. He didn’t let his grief blind him and he stayed on task with the evacuation, and he wasn’t reckless when he did confront Cinder. He did everything right, but it wasn’t enough to save Penny and in the end he had little choice but to respect her dying wish. It had to be done, I don’t blame him for being put in that position, but it’s still got to hurt. It’s also so appropriate that his weapon, one of his most important tools as a Huntsman, was broken after spilling innocent blood, almost like a punishment(?) for his “betrayal” to what a Huntsman is suppose to be. He’s going to carry this until the day he dies, and now he has to face his friends, especially his best friend whom was the closest of all of them to Penny.

Finally Neo. Like I said, I don’t think she can be reasoned with. She abandoned any sort of rationale a long time ago, and it will take more than words to shake her out of it, if it’s even possible anymore. I doubt there will be a peaceful solution to this conflict, it feels too similar to what went down with Adam towards his end. He also refused to back down, he too insisted on making Blake his scapegoat, and despite being given every chance to walk away, he persisted until his death. Time will tell if Neo can avoid that fate, but my doubts about that have only strengthened since the sneak peak.

As for Oscar and the others, I already had my doubts about whether we’d see them at all. The way CRWBY talked about this volume, it seems clear that this is our break from the main narrative so I doubt we will be seeing much of Vacuo yet. I am more than okay with that, it’d be good to take a break from the main plot and focus and our main girls again and we’ll get more of that with a significantly reduced cast.

#rwby #rwby8 #rwby8 spoilers #rwby9 #rwby9 spoilers

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Thinking back to the earlier volumes, isn't it weird that Ozpin either 1) didn't notice Jaune faked his transcripts (imagine if he was a Salem agent) or 2) decided to just trust this kid with fake transcripts when he is so paranoid that not even his inner circle has his complete trust?

I've always worked under the assumption that he had to have known. Even just ignoring the unlikely event that Jaune managed to secure transcripts that were that persuasive and Ozpin never followed up with/realized that Jaune didn't attend a previous school as he claimed (the huntsmen world seems to be a small one, increasing the likelihood of Ozpin hearing about potential new students, and Jaune couldn't have passed the test Blake, Ren, and Nora did for those students with unconventional educations prior to Beacon), he also just acts like he knows and is keeping it quiet. Ozpin is not at all surprised by Jaune's lack of knowledge regarding landing strategies, or his genuine fear about the initiation. Some like Ruby may be nervous about teams, but no one else is scared because to a Beacon level huntsmen there's nothing to be scared of - this stuff is easy-peasy. A guy asks for a parachute to safely land? That would have immediately tipped Ozpin off if he didn't already know. Plus, the person in these scenes who does pick up on these discrepancies, Glynda, is the one Ozpin ignores. "Oh, you think Mr. Arc isn't ready for Beacon? Haha, no reason to address that little observation..."

He had to have known, so the real question is why he'd allow this. You're right that it was a security risk, but it appears far riskier in a post-Fall story. Yes, of course Ozpin always knew about the threat Salem posed even if the audience did not, but the Fall wasn't just a shock to us and the other characters. I think people forget that it was absolutely a shock to Ozpin too. As far as he was aware, things were going swimmingly. It's that wonderful time of peace! Yeah, he starts hearing reports of enemy movements around the same time that Jaune was allowed in (meaning that any worry wouldn't have started until he'd already taken a risk on Jaune), but no one could have predicted that within a few months the entire school would be overrun with grimm. Meanwhile, telling people about Salem has been a known risk for at least several lifetimes. Letting Jaune into the school without credentials is only perceived as such a big risk after we've watched Cinder pull that exact stunt: sneaking into Beacon as a student and helping to destroy it from within. But, given the knowledge everyone had in Volumes 1-3, it doesn't surprise me that Ozpin would see one action as a STAGGERINGLY bigger risk than the other. He doesn't tell his inner circle about Salem because every time he tells people about Salem they drop the fight, betray him to her, or fall into such despair that they're functionally no longer allies - as the group beautifully demonstrated when the secrets came to light. Jaune is just... taking a chance on a kid with potential. One is a proven risk within a war that impacts all of Remnant; the other is only at that same level of risk if Ozpin were truly paranoid and spiraling when it came to imagining the worst possible scenario for every situation. What if this bumbling kid is secretly an intelligent spy sent to undermine my school from within, despite every possible proof to the contrary?

But it's details like this that make me roll my eyes so hard at the "Ozpin doesn't trust anyone" rhetoric of both the show and the fandom. Not trusting everyone with everything - because different people are more likely to be trustworthy or not; different pieces of information have the ability to do more damage than others - is not the same thing as not trusting, period. Ozpin, like Ironwood, has never been paranoid. Everything he fears is true, proven again and again across multiple lifetimes. It's not paranoia when people are literally betraying you left and right. Yet despite this, Ozpin extends a shocking amount of trust. It's as you say, he does let this unknown kid try his hand at being a huntsmen. He lets a former White Fang member into Jaune's class, allowing her to hide her status as a faunus the whole while, outright telling her that she can keep her secrets until she's ready to share them. He previously allowed two bandits into his school - who later revealed they'd come with the explicit purpose of learning how to murder huntsmen!! - and despite being betrayed by one he still keeps her brother as his second in command. He trusted his inner circle with everything but the secret that has screwed him over time and time again. He trusted a bunch of nobody students when they randomly showed up at his safehouse, demanding to be a part of this battle. He trusted them again despite the horrific way they put his trauma on full display. And then hit him. Screamed at him. Ignored him for months on end. He trusts them so much that when four of them came back with Emerald he didn't even question it. This 14yo boy I'm inhabiting wants to risk everything by "trusting love" in the woman who, just a few hours ago, was trying to help Cinder murder our Maiden? Lol yeah sure, why not.

Ozpin extends an extraordinary amount of trust given his circumstances. That's canon to my mind. What's ridiculous is that the comparatively few times he's held back have been blown into this inaccurate image of him being paranoid, or so manipulative that he refuses to allow anyone else agency through information. But Ozpin trusting others 99% of the time is the part of the story that has always made sense. Trusting others with caution during such a dangerous war is not - and should not - be criticized for this extent, especially when the other option presented is pure foolishness. Which, frankly, is where I think Oscar is at, surviving his blind faith in someone like Hazel purely because the plot bends to accommodate that. It also remains a strange theme in the face of Ruby's current characterization. Ozpin, according to the show, is flawed because he didn't trust love... yet this is the same volume when Ruby tells all of Remnant that Ironwood can't be trusted. No explanation, no attempt to reach out, just a black and white dismissal that he is an enemy now, full stop. And we can't even contextualize that with, "Well, Ironwood is too far gone to ever trust again. There are some cases where love just isn't enough" when we redeemed both Emerald and Hazel within episodes of each other. The PTSD riddled former-ally doing horrific things in the name of saving at least some of his kingdom is too far gone, but the guy who murdered the majority of Mistral's huntsmen, works directly for Salem, and has spent his two major appearances trying to kill/torture a kid is not? Yeeeaahh. That's really absurd to my mind. At the end of the day, RWBY's themes of trust are just fundamentally flawed. There is no solid foundation to work from and no continuity across the series, let alone across different characters. Ozpin trusted Jaune, but is said to be too untrusting because the show is basing "trust" on whichever characters it likes most in a given moment. It is, again, why we get a "Ruby will save the day because she's so trusting. More trusting than Ozpin ever was" while she is, in that exact moment, keeping these secrets from Ironwood. Or themes of Ruby uniting the world... while she explicitly says, "But not that guy." Any compelling story about trust we might have gotten died the day the group stole everything from Ozpin, punished him for things outside of his control, cut him out of their lives until the plot forced them to work together again, and the story never once went, "Hmm. Maybe our supposedly trusting, forgiving heroes shouldn't have done all that."

#rwby #mymetas

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this-is-such-a-bad-decision · 3 years

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TMA Epilogue X Critical Role Crossover (Good Cows Edition)

Want to write this fic, gonna make it a post instead because I will never make the time for it otherwise. Spoilers up to the most recent episode for both shows. (TMA Finale and Ep 131 Critical Role.)

We at the Blooming Grove with the Clay family.

Been like two hours since the Mighty Nein went to stop an evil city, little tense but Clays know how to chill, sipping tea around their little table

Clarabelle comes bursting into the house, “TWO DUDES JUST APPEARED OUT OF THIN AIR COVERED IN SHINY BLACK STUFF also they’re bleeding”

Rest of the family comes stampeding out, indeed there are two bleeding humans on the lawn (Martin got hit by debris when the Panopticon collapsed, Jon has been stabbed, y’know) tangled up in tape

Cornelius and Calliope go make sure the Grove isn’t under attack while Constance gives the boys some healing, tries to ask what’s going on but no one speaks the same language (Jon is no longer connected to the Eye so no cheat codes)

JMart pass out from inter-dimensional jet-lag, Clays clean them up and put them to bed

Martin wakes up in the middle of the night while Cornelius is keeping watch (Clays are welcoming but these guys are strangers) and is like “ah, so the giant cow people weren’t a hallucination.”

Language barrier is still there but tea is universal; Cornelius makes some for Martin, ends up holding Martin through some tears as everything that’s happened catches up at once

Good thing the Clays know how to help people in mourning

Martin goes back to sleep, Jon and Martin wake up in the morning and get to be happy and cry about being alive and safe together

Soon as that part’s over thing’s get heavy cause MAG 200 was A LOT and it’s gonna be a bit before either of them are okay with how everything went down

The Clays are very kind and gentle and it only makes Jon feel worse

“Martin. This is the good cow world. We brought evil to the good cows.”

Tbh Jmart were more expecting parallel universes instead of this, but alright

Eventually they start exploring the Grove. It’s a little unnerving when they realize this place is a graveyard, even more unnerving when they realize this place and the Clays are clearly magical (since the only magic in their world is evil), and super unnerving when they realize this place is surrounded by an evil enchanted forest that the Clays won’t let them walk into alone

But no one tries to hurt them or eat them so they settle in and try to figure out where they are going to go from here

Corrin and Colton get back after a couple days, Constance introduces them to the newcomers and then tells Corrin everything about The Mighty Nein and the evil floating city

The next day Corrin prepares the cleric spell Tongues, pulls Jon and Martin aside and casts it on herself so they can have a conversation

Jon ends up confessing everything for the sake of warning them about the evil he’s unleashed on their world (Martin thinks he should hold back A LITTLE BIT for the sake of avoiding an angry mob but Jon gets into his story-telling flow)

Corrin: “Is one of the Fears a giant screaming city floating in the void?” Jon: “What”

Corrin is exasperated by this new wave of bad news, Jon is bemused to learn that his world’s baggage only takes 2nd place for Impending Eldritch Threats

Corrin tells Jon that they’re going to wait for her nephew and his friends to get home, they’ll probably have a better idea how to deal with this problem than she does, in the meantime she’ll see what guidance the Wildmother can offer

Cue Jon and Martin having a million questions on the cosmology of this world, Corrin casts Tongues on him so he can go bother the rest of her family while she goes to meditate.

A week or two passes with Jon and Martin processing their trauma, talking through their differences, and slowly learning more about the world. The revelation that there are non-evil gods is a nice one.

The world doesn’t end, The Mighty Nein return, Jon and Martin realize this is not a world solely made up of cow people

The Nein are VERY grumpy to learn that a new problem has popped up while they were gone, but they agree to take Jmart with them to speak with their various high-powered connections about this threat

The Mighty Nein is a BIG culture shock for Jon and Martin after a couple weeks of chilling with the Clays (not to say the Clays aren’t weird, but their weird is easier to ignore if you can’t speak the language, and I think they are better behaved around guests)

Caduceus is now in charge of Tongues the same way Jester is in charge of Sending

The Nein are varying amounts of sympathetic to what has happened to Jon and Martin considering they now have to deal with the consequences, but I think they generally settle on a similar reaction that they had to Caleb, which is that it’s not your fault if you were manipulated into it; Jon has a hard time accepting this.

The Mighty Nein makes the rounds (Cobalt Soul, Yussa, etc.) (yes, Yussa is fine, no, he’s not going to help with this problem, he’s going to nap for a million years) before getting back to Allura

(At this point various institutions have started to notice an increase in monster sightings and strange new cults popping up worshiping unfamiliar gods)

Allura is ALSO very exasperated to learn about new gods trying to assert themselves, ends up calling in her people

Yup, enter Vox Machina

I’m going to skip a bunch of stuff now because I’m getting tired of typing (also spoilers for the Vox Machina arc going forward)

But basically they do some magic bullshit, follow a similar road map as their solution to Vecna, and they use Jon’s voice (which webbed the Fears up to be dragged into this world in the first place) to pin down the Fears and throw them beyond the divine gate

The Fears proceed to get their asses kicked by Sarenrae and the Wildmother and the Stormlord and all the rest

Not so tough now are ya bitches

Web didn’t even consider that other worlds might have things strong enough to kill it

Got used to a world that didn’t have any gods of love and hope and now you don’t know how to handle it

Anyway, Jon and Martin settle into their new world, get to learn whatever dope D&D magic they want, and live happily ever after.

Feel free to write this if anyone is inspired, the only requirement is that you let me know when it’s posted cause I would love to read it.

#jonathan sims #critical role #the magnus archives #the magnus archives finale #jonmartin #tma finale #martin blackwood #constance clay #corrin clay #cornelius clay #caduceus clay #tma fic #i just love the idea of the web's hubris getting it killed #and I love the idea of jon and martin getting tlc from large cow people #they deserve it after everything they've been through #My writing #my stuff

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prairiedust · 4 years

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More Last Holiday Musings...

I want to poke at that interdimensional geoscope a little more, because upon reading it over again, I think I splashed it up a little fast and there are a couple of points I’d like to be clearer about. I meant to queue this up to post last night but also want it to be up before Gimme Shelter so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is more blue curtains lit crit with a dash of folklore and an honorable mention for post-structuralism. And we’re talking about Supernatural after all, so this is sort of... well, it’s about endings.

Last Holiday was not a typical “filler” or even a typical MOTW episode. It felt extremely insular, possibly more so than any other episode I can think at any other point in the series. As opposed to the usual crowd of “locals,” a spate of victims, and a couple of red herring suspects, the only other people in this ep besides the Winchesters (including Jack) and Mrs. Butters were the two vampires and Cuthbert Sinclair. There was no “case” as in a usual MOTW-- there was no Chuck Struggle, either, and the lack of mytharc was strange against the lack of “filler” schema. That lack of “MOTW investigation” marked this episode also as being about “curiosity”-- the Winchesters all-too-quickly took Mrs. Butters for granted-- Dean even dismissed her as a “Magic Roomba” and that seemed to settle the matter. Furthermore, the moment that Dean spotted Mrs. B in his room, the stage was set for Antics ™ when she held up his goofy Scooby boxers, and indeed a zaniness, an almost manic energy drove the action forward at a breakneck pace. [Spoiler alert, we do get “investigation” in the next episode, 15x15 Gimme Shelter, as stills and the preview show that Castiel and Jack will be teaming up together, in yet another shake-up of the usual “MOTW” template, almost like we can expect the other side of a coin when Sam and Dean switch places with Cas...] These features set Last Holiday apart as not so much “filler” as “between,” as in there was struggle before, and there will be struggle after, but for a while there was cake. (Contrast this to the usual “peril of the threshold” that usually shrouds liminality if you’d like.)

At the end of Last Holiday, however, we finally get to find out what that old blue telescope really is, and with that name we get confirmation that there are no more alternate universes-- Chuck has burned them all. Viewers are left to come to the conclusion that in retrospect the telescope-thing could have changed the course of season 13 completely. The reveal is played off as darkly funny, but it’s also kind of a gut-wrenching moment, too. All the heartbreak of the last two and a half years, reviewed now through the lens of “if only.” If only they’d known about Mrs. Butters from the time they found the bunker, “none of this would have happened”… they’d have had monster radar, they’d have had the geoscope, they would have had supernatural help of a completely different level.

The temptation to read Last Holiday as a Chuck-free episode is strong, but fraught-- the threat of Chuck’s involvement has been established by a pattern this season (well the pattern is woven throughout the whole series really but Dabb has deliberately structured these last three seasons with an exponentially increasing frequency.) I feel like we’ve been conditioned this season in particular to hold ourselves in a perpetual flinch, to be afraid of what we’ll learn “in retrospect.” That geoscope was really_good_subtext, and it is entirely possible, even encouraged, at this point in the plot to take information we’ve learned from the naming of the object, examine our own conditioned response to this episode, and apply both things to the structure of the season so far and make a prediction as to what might happen in the main plot. That’s what I mean about subtext getting loud. We’ve been given the green-light to make a prediction about The Struggle and march forward with it, and see if we will be correct by extrapolating the pattern, or if that expectation will be subverted (the twist is set up to run either way, so either outcome is satisfying.) It is Melville-esque architecture of the highest degree;I could write another thousand words just about that. So I have a prediction that I’m hanging on to, because of what we’ve learned from the geoscope, and what kinds of clues were hung up in Last Holiday, and I’m super excited to either have my hunch confirmed or be frightfully and delightedly surprised. I mean, where the fuck did Jeremy Adams even come from? He’s like our own Mrs. Butters, showing up in the last quarter to run a couple game-changing balls into the end zone, it’s bonkers. I mean, I know writing mysteries is hard and requires still AND cunning, but damn, son.

But anyway, back to the geoscope…

I’m perplexed, from a very “lit crit” perspective, but this is where I’m at and why I referenced blue curtains-- if you shine too bright a light on subtext, does it evaporate-- like looking through an interdimensional geoscope and not seeing anything-- or is “subtext” sometimes not some ephemeral fever-dream that we as viewers conjure up through our experiential interlocution with the text but something a writer has steeped into the narrative as part of their craft? Or when you’re talking about an evolving iteration of writers, is it possible that one picks up a thread that another wove in for something else, repurposing or amplifying it? And, when perhaps is something deliberately instilled in the text in order to become “text” at just the right time? In Moby Dick, [spoiler alert lol] Quequeg’s coffin-- formerly one of many symbolic vehicles used to foreshadow the doom of the Pequod-- is repurposed as a life buoy and becomes the actual object that saves Ishmael’s life, transforming it from a portent of disaster to a symbol of salvation and then to one of Ishmael’s guilt for surviving Ahab’s madness-- the guilt that had been made text by the very opening line of the book, “Call me Ishmael.” In retrospect, the connotations of wandering, exile and salvation behind the name that the narrator gives himself become crystal clear. The problem that the post-structuralist model of “reading” as simultaneously “creating the text” has manufactured is that the idea that “subtext” can often be discounted as something dreamed up wholecloth by the reader, and thus inferior, imaginary, even delusional (and I use that last word knowing what a loaded term that is in the spn fandom, but this is not about a ship, even) where once it was considered to be a valid and measurable part of the text itself, like that dang coffin. It was the basement, the underpinnings, the catacombs below the opera house sure, but it helped to hold up the structure. And for some reason, putting subtext into a piece of media has become passe, or cringe? Anyway, not to be bitter on main but it didn’t used to be this way, at least not in the heady early days of postmodernism. So that green light? Critical hit against blue curtains. And while yes, some readings are going to be better supported than others, and the wild variety of checklists in this fandom mean that some conclusions have been drawn which can’t pan out, if you’re paying attention to the structure, the subtexts, the alchemical/psychoanalytical/postmodern themata, the ending will be very satisfying.

So. What was once speculated to be a symbol for emotional lows or turning points (among other things) in the bunker was textually hit with a bright green light, then Dean got curious about it in text, and we were told-- in text-- that oh it’s just a fancy spyglass, and now that the other worlds are gone, it has no purpose…. that’s what I mean about the geoscope now being “pure”-- it wasn’t clear whether the telescope ever had any function, subtetxtual or not, and now that it’s certain what it’s “function” was, it’s now freed up as a “symbol”-- unless like in Moby Dick it’s new “purpose” is revealed later, but right now it’s caught in this liminal place of not-quite-clue and not-quite-metaphor...

However, and I didn’t put this in my first post because I was trying to be fast and not a wet blanket, but I felt like finally naming the geoscope was an ending.

This is literally Singer, Dabb, and Co tidying up the house before locking it behind them.

I think when Dean said he didn’t see anything through the “telescope thing,” that we’re to understand that maybe this was the last hurrah of the cute, zany, campy “subtext” or even “metatext” if you’d rather that so many of us have been parsing and which has gotten so weird and bright since season 12/13. I think I said in one of the folklore posts that writing about some of the things I write about feels like making daisy chains in the endzone during the big game. Which is fun, that’s how I personally got through having to be in AYSO soccer for four years, by looking for four leafed clovers and eating orange quarters. And we got a wood nymph in this episode, textually even, so I could easily check the “folklore” box on this one. But the sheer euphoria of Last Holiday and all the sparkles it brought into the story aren’t meant to last. When you look back on fifteen years of text, a lot of it is bleak, miserable stuff. That’s not to say that episodes like Yellow Fever and Hunteri Heroici and Fan Fiction et al shouldn’t be celebrated. But I think from here on out, things are going to be less “golly gee, three birthdays!” and more “There she blows! --there she blows! A hump like a snowhill!”

This episode was a gift in many ways, not just for the sense of glee it transmitted-- it also did so much work and there are things I want to yell about in the way language was hit, the red versus green lighting, the way the backwards holidays worked, the projector as a metaphor for Mrs. B projecting her regrets and fears onto Jack, the amount of food that was created and consumed, how that smoothie was also an echo of “fairy food” or an underworld pact if you squint-- but the stakes are so high now. We haven’t been shown the next valley-- there was no final scene of Chuck rubbing his hands together like the villain from a melodrama, for example-- but the last image we got was Jack blowing out a candle. After the candle is blown out, the cake is dismantled and consumed. Once the story is over, all the themes that are so hard to grapple in a text like a television show can be gathered up and analyzed. (IS that all, though? After all, Dean made his own cake later, which, like, echoes of the “oh two cakes” comic lol...)

Since I really never want to leave anything I toss out on this blog on a last note of doom and gloom, however, I do want to say that I too understand what that last image meant. It meant, as Sam said, make a wish. Think of the future, think of free will, and hope for something wonderful to happen. (or do like me and wonder what the hell Jack wished for with dread and anticipation ha ha ha.)

#the poststructuralism of supernatural #the folklore of supernatural #no more tags right now #tag later

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karajaynetoday · 4 years

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clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose | ashton irwin

image source

hello friends! yes it is after 2am in my timezone, OOPS. But the inspiration struck, and the writing gods blessed me with motivation and words, so here’s part 3 of charlie rose, ten fingers, ten toes. apologies for any typos, i’m a lil delirious right now. Thank you so much to everyone for their lovely feedback and shares with the previous parts. Also shout out to any Friday Night Lights fans who got a lil kick out of the title of this one lol. Enjoy!

Read Part 1 here | Read Part 2 here

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: none

(This is a fem reader insert)

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After your quiet moment of togetherness on the beach that evening, you felt more comfortable around Ashton than ever before. Previously small touches were held for longer; instead of accidentally waking up in each other’s arms, you purposefully went to sleep that way; and Ashton’s hand slipped into yours whenever he could manage it.

Charlie Rose still crept into your bedroom every morning for her favourite snuggles, and then she began joining her Uncle Ashton out on the deck for some morning yoga every day as well (which was possibly the cutest thing you had EVER seen). Charlie tried her best to follow all of his poses and stay as quiet as she could, but her favourite part was when the yoga was over and Uncle Ashton used her as a body weight for his push-ups and bench presses, bopping her nose between each rep and earning a giggle in response. Again, a contender for the cutest thing you’d ever seen.

You spent your days on the beach or relaxing in the villa, and your nights eating out and then stargazing on the deck. You were getting far too used to paradise, and you had to keep reminding yourself that the holiday would soon come to an end. You noticed Ash spending more and more time looking at emails on his phone as your time in Maui progressed, and it started you thinking about how busy his life was about to become. Tour was kicking off a few weeks after you were due to return from Hawaii, which meant Ashton would be criss-crossing all over the US for a few months, before a short break and then heading to Europe and eventually Australia.

As you watched him build yet another sandcastle with Charlie on a lazy afternoon, you realised just how much effort Ash was putting into spending time with Charlie and making memories with her. Of course, you’d had a lot of Charlie Rose quality time as well, and spent some nice one-on-one time with Alice that you hadn’t really had since Charlie had arrived (naturally, Alice had tried her best to pry information from you about exactly what was going on between you and Ashton, but you didn’t quite know yourself yet, so you’d brushed it off the best you could). But Ashton had barely gone a few weeks without seeing Charlie her entire life, and especially now that she was a little bit older, she was definitely going to know that he was away, and you weren’t quite sure how she’d take it. You also weren’t sure how you’d take it, either.

Your mind was running into overdrive with increasing anxieties, and you just didn’t know how to voice any of them. On your final night in Maui, after another incredible beachside dinner and a trip to get Charlie’s favourite ice cream, you were folding clothes from the dresser into your suitcase quietly while Ashton was in the shower. You know you needed to talk to him about how you were feeling, but not quite knowing what that even was was driving you up the wall. You hated the overbearing sense of uncertainty. Did Ashton even want something more than a holiday romance from you? You’d only kissed again a handful of times, and despite increasing tension between you, the only thing happening beneath the sheets of your shared bed was some very wholesome spooning (not that you were complaining). Was more-than-friends even on the table? Did you want it to be on the table? Could you handle months of Ashton being away on tour, and the critical eye of his fans and the media? Were you reading into everything too much? Oh god, why were you like this?

You were snapped out of your trainwreck of thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and in your peripheral vision you saw Ashton step out with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his hips. You busied yourself with folding more clothes, but your hands faltered as you felt Ashton come closer, and you sucked in a breath when he slipped his arms around your waist and pulled your back against his bare chest.

“Why are you packing already, darlin’? We’ve still got the whole night to enjoy.” Ash whispered against your ear, before pressing soft kisses down one side of your neck. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, before all of the anxiety you’d been grappling with came flooding back into your mind and without meaning to, your entire body tensed up. Ashton immediately sensed the change in your demeanour, and stopped what he was doing. He let go of your hips, and gently tilted your head to face him.

“What’s on your mind?” He tried gently, knowing that you hated confrontation (Ashton’s love for it was a huge part of what intimidated you in your first few interactions all those years ago).

You sighed, before turning around to face him completely as you perched on the edge of the bed. Ashton sat down next to down, and loosely linked his hand with yours.

“What… what are we, Ash?” You whispered, not wanting to meet his gaze as your heart started beating faster and faster.

“What do you want us to be?” Ashton countered, squeezing your hand softly.

“I want…” You trailed off, closing your eyes and inhaling deeply. “I want us to be as close as we are, always. I want to have you by my side, while we get to be Charlie’s godparents and watch her grow up and support her achieving her dreams. I want everything we’ve had in Maui, and I want more, but I just… I don’t know how this all works, once we’re back in LA and I’m stuck working a 9-5 while you’re touring the world meeting incredible, probably attractive people, and then I started thinking about what would happen with Charlie if we didn’t work out and I… I don’t know how to make this work. “ Oh god, you were rambling now, but every anxiety that had crossed your mind in the last few days was tumbling out and you couldn’t stop it now.

Ash waited for you to stop talking, and took your other hand in his.

“That’s all valid, babe. I don’t know how this works either. I’ve had relationships while I’ve been on the road before, sure, but this is different. Because it’s us. You… You mean more to me than anyone else, but I know it’s scary. For both of us.” Ashton said softly, raising your hands to his face and kissing them.

“Charlie’s going to be important to both of us for the rest of our lives. We’re going to be there for her, like you said, and that means we’re also unavoidably going to be around each other. If we date and it doesn’t work out, we can’t let that get between us being the best godparents Charlie Rose could ever have, because I know we both love that little girl more than anything… but, I also don’t want to let the fear of us not working out hold us back from even trying, you know?”

Damn it. Why did he always have to be so wise? A wordsmith, of sorts.

“I know, Ash. I know it shouldn’t hold me back, and I’ve let fear hold me back from a lot of things, too many things…” You paused, as your mind flashed back to the last time you had a serious conversation about a relationship with someone. Someone who’d ripped your heart out and stomped on it several times over. You shook your head, trying to shake away the memories.

“But I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to give us a chance. I do. But I’m a little out of practice at this, and the last time I tried, it didn’t go so well.” You grimaced, as the flashbacks continued no matter how hard you tried to block them out.

“And I respect that you’re going to need time to feel comfortable with whatever this is. I can’t promise to wait forever, but I can tell you that right now I’ll give this a chance, if you’ll let me.” Ashton spoke firmly, ducking down to meet your eyes.

“Okay. But slowly, right?” You looked at Ash properly for the first time all night, and his hazel eyes gazed back at you steadily, with a glint of excitement at your agreement.

“Slowly. I will cancel the romantic beachside dinner with a string quartet, and put a hold on asking you to move in the minute we land at LAX.” Ashton said solemnly, before cracking a grin at what must’ve been a slightly panicked expression on your face.

“I’m kidding, you dork. We’ll take it slow. I’m going to be gone for a while anyway, so we’ll have to kind of take it slow thanks to circumstance anyway. But you’ve got to let me take you out a few times before then, deal?” Ashton stuck his hand out, and you shook it, rolling your eyes at his antics.

“Pleasure doing business with you. Now then, I should probably put some pants on…” Ashton murmured, looking around the room for his clothes and getting up from the bed to pull some shorts out of his suitcase by the door. You were, quite frankly, ogling his toned back and shoulder muscles, when a knock at the door snapped you back to reality.

“Charlie wants both of you to come read her bedtime story, please!” Alice’s voice sounded through the door, sounding tired and a little on edge. For a tiny human, Charlie sure knew how to make a big performance out of bedtime. Ashton finished getting dressed, and he tugged your hand into his as you made your way over to Alice and James’s room where Charlie was snuggled into her cot. Tonight’s book of choice was from the Little Feminist collection you’d bought Charlie when she was a baby, and you read all about Malala, and Ruth, and Frida, and Rosa, until her little eyes closed and her breathing steadied. You and Ashton took turns to lean into the crib and kiss Charlie’s forehead silently, before making your way back to your own bedroom for one last sleep before your scheduled return to Los Angeles.

Leaving Maui felt much harder than arriving - not helped by the tantrum Charlie threw when you explained there was no time for yoga or sandcastles. After James had calmed her down and negotiated one final quick walk on the beach while the rest of you checked out of the hotel, you made your way to the airport and onto the first flight and then the second with ease. You’d learnt your lesson from the previous long-haul flight, and Ashton had downloaded a few more Charlie-friendly apps onto his iPad that she happily engaged with. She barely left Ashton’s side for the whole flight, and you started to wonder if she’d sensed his impending departure on tour. Sure, Charlie was only small, but her emotional intelligence was remarkable (I mean, as her godmother you were maybe a little biased, but maybe you had a child prodigy on your hands, who knows?!) and you weren’t looking forward to seeing them bid each other farewell in a week or so.

You and Alice shared an iPad and watched a few episodes of Friday Night Lights. It was one of your favourite shows that you’d binged watched together one summer, and rewatching it brought you comfort (and a fair dose of fangirling over Tim Riggins, and a recurring debate on whether or not he should’ve ended up with Lyla or Tyra). It was an emotional rollercoaster, and the small town of Dillon in the show reminded you of the one you’d grown up in (albeit a little more Texan, and a bit more enthusiastic about American football specifically). After landing at LAX and disembarking, you made your way to the long term parking garage and helped James and Alice load their luggage and Charlie into their car. You were about to get in yourself, when Ashton cleared his throat behind you.

“Can I give you a lift? You’re just around the corner from me, it’s not out of the way.” Ashton said brightly, pre-empting any excuses that you were about to come out with about you being a bother. You agreed, and he took your suitcase from your hands and led you towards his car that was parked nearby. The car ride home was quiet, and when Ashton pulled into your driveway, you didn’t want to unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car. Because that would mean that the magic of vacation was truly over, and you didn’t like that idea at all.

“Come on, slow poke. I’ll help you carry your stuff inside.” Ashton tapped your nose, disrupting your internal dialogue. You reluctantly followed his lead and got out of the car and headed inside, groaning to yourself about the idea of having to do laundry and all of your unattended life admin the next day, to ready yourself for a return to work on Monday. Ashton pulled your suitcase into your bedroom, and laughed when you flopped down onto the bed and moan in annoyance into the pillow.

“Post-holiday blues, gorgeous?” His tone was teasing, and you could hear the stupid smirk on his face.

“Not all of us have the luxury of a rockstar lifestyle, Irwin. No more late nights or sleep ins for me. Back to the daily grind.” You sighed, pushing yourself up onto your elbows at the edge of the bed.

“Well…” Ash crouched down so your faces were level. “How about I make it a bit less of a travesty by taking you to brunch tomorrow? Just us.” He shot you a wink as he spoke.

“Just us?” You felt yourself smiling, and oh yes, there were those butterflies again.

“Just us. Pick you up at ten.” Ashton beamed as you nodded, and he quickly pressed his lips to yours before you could say anything in response. You reached up and linked your hands behind his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Ashton caught onto your arms and untangled them, before pulling away.

“Slowly, remember? Gotta keep something up my sleeve for you, darlin’.” Ashton smirked, pressing one final kiss to your lips and standing up to his full height. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten. Sweet dreams, babe!” He shot you another wink, and strolled right out of your bedroom without another word. Damn, he had you good.

Brunch was delightful, there was no other way to describe it. Conversation between you and Ashton flowed easily, but there was also comfort and content in the silences you shared as well, sipping coffee and eating your smashed avocado. Ashton had a few days of final rehearsals and meetings this week before flying out for the first tour date on Friday. On Thursday, you were scheduled to babysit Charlie, and you’d suggested to Ash that perhaps you could go to the nearby park and play on the playground. He’d agreed, and was going to see if Calum wanted to come along and bring Duke. Charlie Rose loved her godparents, but she also loved dogs, especially ones that were a little more Charlie-size friendly. She did not love Calum (yet), but that was mostly because he liked to rile her up with arguments about who Ashton’s best friend was (logically, it was Calum, but emotionally, Charlie was definitely giving him a run for his money).

On Thursday the sun was shining, so you headed to the park with a bubbly and chatty Charlie Rose in tow (once you’d ensured you’d both slip, slop, slapped for sun safety, of course). Charlie had insisted on wearing her brand new overalls that Alice had hand-embroidered her name and a series of colourful roses onto, and a bright yellow sunhat to match her seemingly sunny disposition. The park was fairly empty when you arrived, and you easily spotted Ashton and Calum resting on a park bench by the swings. Charlie spotted them also, and tugged on your hand for permission to run over, which you gave her.

“Charlie Rose! How’s my best girl?” Ashton’s voice boomed across the park, as he lifted Charlie up into a hug and then swung her around, causing Charlie to shriek with excitement. You reached the park bench and set down the tote bag you’d brought along, and Cal stood up to hug you hello with Duke in his arms.

“Thank god you’re here, mate. We were starting to get some weird looks from the mums over there.” Cal muttered, pulling away from you and setting Duke down on the ground.

“Duke! My best puppy!” Charlie yelped excitedly, wriggling out of Ashton’s arms to greet her favourite furry friend, who patiently stood still while she petted him softly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Gentle, Charlie,” You reminded, crouching down to her level. “Did you say hi to Cal? He brought Duke to the park, just for you.” You gently prompted, smiling encouragingly at your goddaughter, who eyed you suspiciously before fixing Calum with a glare.

“Hi. I guess.”

You had to stop yourself from cracking up at Charlie’s blunt tone in greeting Calum, and you could see Ashton doing the same. Cal just smiled at Charlie, before producing a tennis ball from his back pocket and offering it to her.

“Wanna play fetch with Duke, Charlie? I’ll let you have the first throw…” Cal offered cautiously. Charlie grabbed the ball from his hand and bounded off with Duke on his lead, and Calum scrambled to follow her.

“You got it, Cal?” Ash called after him, half-serious, half-laughing.

“Yep! Got it! We’ll be best friends in NO TIME, just you wait!” Calum called back, as Charlie stopped a few metres from him. She liked to push the boundaries sometimes, but Charlie Rose also knew the rules, and not to go too far from her grown ups when you were out and about.

Countless rounds of fetch, a few turns on the swings and one too many trips down the slide (both Calum and Ashton almost got completely stuck) later, it was time to take Charlie back home so that James could come by after work and collect her. Ashton offered to walk you back, and Charlie clapped her hands in delight when he let her climb onto his back for the journey home. She kissed Duke goodbye and mumbled some sort of farewell to Calum (which was progress), and you headed out of the park towards your house.

You’d noticed that Ash had grown reserved on the walk, but he was still listening intently to the story Charlie was telling him about how proud she was of Duke for learning how to play fetch. When you arrived home, he set Charlie down on the couch with an exaggerated groan and a kiss to the forehead, before heading into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. You followed, sensing that something was up. Ashton was facing away from you at the sink, but he didn’t flinch or react when you brushed a hand along his shoulders reassuringly.

“You okay?” You asked quietly, trying to meet his gaze.

“Yep. Just gotta do the pre-tour goodbyes to my two favourite girls. Sucks, but no avoiding it.” Ashton said, his tone laced with sadness. He gulped down the rest of the water in the glass, and set it on the sink, before turning to you and pulling you into a brief hug.

“Time to rip the bandaid off.” Ash whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head before heading back into the living room.

“Charlie Rose, can I talk to you for a second?”

Charlie looked up from where she was playing on the floor with a teddy bear you kept here for her, and cocked her head to one side, eyeing Ashton curiously.

“I suppooooose.” She drawled out, making you chuckle. This child had a flair for the dramatics. Ashton crossed the floor of the living room and picked up Charlie, sitting her on his lap as he settled onto the couch.

“Do you remember how I get to play my drums with Calum, Luke and Michael?” He asked slowly, brushing the hair that had come loose from Charlie’s pigtails out of her eyes. She nodded, looking up at him curiously.

“Okay, good. So, there are lots of people that like to hear us play, all over the world. And that means I have to go away for a little while, so we can play our music for them.” Ashton continued, and you could tell he was struggling to keep it together.

“Oh! So we get to go on more airplanes, like Maui?” Charlie said, excited at the prospect of another adventure.

“You don’t get to come with me this time, Charlie Rose. Maybe you and auntie, and mama and dada can come visit me for a bit of it, but I’m going to go by myself for a little while. But I promise I’ll still FaceTime you lots, and read you stories, and you can tell me all about your adventures with auntie, okay?” Ashton was trying to keep his voice calm and steady, but it was starting to waver, especially as the realisation dawned on Charlie Rose and her bottom lip began to wobble. Ashton noticed, and pulled Charlie in close, whispering reassurances into her ear and rubbing her back as she began to sniffle into his shoulder.

“What about auntie?” Charlie asked, her voice muffled into Ashton’s shoulder. You sat down on the couch next to Ashton, and rubbed a hand along Charlie’s shoulders.

“What about me, Charlie Rose? I’m not going anywhere, lovebug.” You coaxed reassuringly, giving Charlie a small smile when she turned to look at you and rub her face.

“Yeah, but… but won’t you b-b-be sad that Uncle Ashta’s gone too?” She hiccuped, looking at you with worried eyes and a frown, as her tiny mind tried to process everything that was happening. You saw Ash glance at Charlie in wonder, but then admiration, when he realised what she was trying to say.

“You’re right, lovebug. I will miss him,” You began, pausing to note the flicker of a smile that crossed Ashton’s face. “But, just like you, I’ll get to call him on the phone heaps, and then maybe we can go and visit him on tour, won’t that be fun?” You tried to speak as brightly as you could muster, but you could feel the anxiety and emotion starting to build in your own chest. If only you could get away with throwing a temper tantrum, but alas.

“Mmm, fun. But… how will you sleep?” Charlie asked, confused.

“What do you mean, bug?” Ashton asked, bopping her on the nose which made her wrinkle her face in confusion.

“How will you sleep without snuggles?” Charlie asked so innocently that you had to stifle a laugh and partly a cry, because honestly, you had no idea how you were going to cope with the next month or so apart from Ashton. It seemed silly, given you’d been friends for literally years before this, but something had shifted in those close moments you’d shared in Maui, and the sense of content you’d found with Ashton at brunch and the park and other places in between was going to be hard to go without.

“It’s going to be tricky, Charlie, you’re right. But remember, you can always feel your loved ones and how much they care about you, even if they’re not with you, right? And you can do anything you set your mind to, can’t you?” You said softly, as Charlie reached over to you for a hug and pulled you closer to Ashton in the process.

“Yes, we can.” She mumbled, giving you and Ashton slobbery cheek kisses in response.

“What does mama say to auntie when I get frustrated or sad, can you remember?” You prompted, returning Charlie’s kiss on the cheek.

“Oh! Clear hearts, full eyes, can’t lose!” She exclaimed, proud of herself for remembering. You laughed, and Ashton joined you, throwing his arms around you and Charlie in one warm embrace.

“Almost, lovebug. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.”

You knew getting through these next few months was going to be a challenge, but in that moment, it felt like you were ready for anything that the universe was going to throw your way.

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adamwatchesmovies · 4 years

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Ginger Snaps (2000)

Ginger Snaps is among the best werewolf movies ever made. This film takes the complex themes behind lycanthropy and uses them to their fullest potential in a story about the horrors of growing up that is alternatively funny and frightening.

Set in a small suburb that has recently seen a rash of dog killings, we find Brigitte and Ginger Fitzgerald (Emily Perkins and Katharine Isabelle). These misfit sisters are obsessed with death and repulsed by all the normals around them. When Ginger is bitten by a strange creature, she begins to change. Everyone else attributes the increased libido, hair growth, and behavioral changes to Ginger hitting puberty but Brigitte knows better.

With its connection between werewolfism and puberty, Ginger Snaps has hit a goldmine. A full moon comes around once a month; so does your period. Both concern your body changing without your control, both signify there's no going back to how things were before. In this film, the transformation is initially met with fear and misunderstanding but eventually embraced as part of the woman's identity. Sound familiar?

Though there are plenty of metaphors and allegories, it’s also the story of a young woman who begins transforming into a werewolf. People will get torn apart. But the story mostly centers around Brigitte looking out for her sister as she turns into a different person. The two already had a deceptively complex relationship before. It often felt like Ginger was more of a bully than a friend. In a way, this is the abusive relationship going even further. Ginger is turning into someone she wouldn't have approved of days ago but she can't stop. Not on her own.

There's more food for thought when we look at the side characters. Mimi Rogers as the mom seems ecstatic about her daughter beginning her transformation. It’s played mostly for comedy but look again and this time consider her last scene. She's not simply there to make you laugh. There’s a lot to be said about what happens to the one guy that keeps hitting on Ginger (Jesse Moss). Jason McCardy's fate is funny and says something about the difference between men coming of age and how differently society sees it than women's.

For several reasons, the theme of death comes back several times throughout the picture. It stars two teenage girls who are obsessed with death and romanticize suicide. Once Ginger is bitten, they’re forced to confront the idea seriously for the first time. Ginger isn't merely transforming into a killer, she could unleash a plague upon our world. What now?

This is a smart, layered story. The characters grow and reveal more about themselves as the events around them unfold. There are many funny sequences and the same amount will make you scream. If I have one criticism, it’s that there are times where it’s too smartly written, acted, and layered for its own good! Let me explain. This is a low-budget enterprise. Under $5 million, which means the big scene in any werewolf movie... is missing. The carcasses and gore look great but we don't have the big werewolf transformation/reveal. You're enjoying the movie so much it comes as a shock that all you get werewolf-wise... is THIS.

We don’t often get horror films of this caliber. Ginger Snaps has depth, scares, and some laughs. It offers everything you’d want to see in a horror film with ample blood and gore throughout and unsettling ideas. It might even unlock some profound conversations among teens and adults who watch it together. It’s got a few tiny issues in the special effects department, but we're talking minor stuff. Ginger Snaps is a cult film that deserves a much bigger fan base than it's gotten so far. (On Blu-ray, July 24, 2015)

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elroymeg · 3 years

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whywishesarehorses · 3 years

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Success Spoils a U.S. Program to Round Up Wild Horses

A New York Times Article, found here. (There’s a cool interactive video feature you should go check out.) This article shows some of the plight of the BLM and the Mustang - too many to handle, no population control, not enough adoptions, and no ability to downsize because of animal rights activists. It’s a no-win situation all around.

Article shown under the cut, to save y’alls dashes. Keep reading for pretty photos

By Dave Philipps Oct. 14, 2016

OSAGE COUNTY, Okla. — As the sun set on the honey-colored prairie here, a herd of wild horses grazed belly deep in Indiangrass and big bluestem. On the next ridge, a dozen more horses nibbled in the pasture, and beyond them even more, dotting the hills almost as far as the eye could see.

The head of the Bureau of Land Management’s wild horse program, Dean Bolstad, tipped up his cowboy hat and looked out at the animals from a hilltop. “I love seeing this,” he said, “but it’s also an absolute anchor around our neck.”

The horses were grazing on a ranch the agency rents, one of 60 private ranches, corrals and feedlots where it stores the 46,000 wild horses it has removed from the West’s public lands. The cost: $49 million a year.

Trying to make that rent has pushed the wild horse program into crisis. The expense eats up 66 percent of the federal budget for managing wild horses, and it is expected to total more than $1 billion over the life of the herds. The program cannot afford to continue old management practices that created the problem in the first place, or afford to come up with solutions that might fix it.

In short, the agency cannot break its cycle of storing horses because it is too busy storing horses.

“We’re in a real pickle,” Mr. Bolstad said. “We have huge challenges ahead of us, and we don’t have the resources to respond.”

Spending a billion dollars on pastures is a symptom of a broader problem. The agency says there are far too many wild horses roaming the West, and it must limit them to stave off damage to fragile ecosystems. But it never found a strategy that does not put more horses on storage ranches.

Some critics say management must become broader and include other options, like fertility control drugs for horses in the wild. Others say policies that eliminated predators like wolves, which once helped keep the horse population in check, need to be reconsidered. Still others say it is time to kill horses to free up resources. Animal-rights groups, meanwhile, oppose any killing of horses.

The bureau has struggled to limit wild horse populations since Congress passed a law in 1971 protecting the wild horses and burros that roam patches of public land in 10 Western states, and whose numbers increase naturally every year. The agency says the land can support only about 27,000 animals, but these days, there are about 77,000.

Repeated government audits going back 26 years have warned the bureau to find alternatives to storing horses before the cost crippled the program, but it never has. For decades the bureau used helicopter roundups to thin herds, but it can now barely afford that because it spends so much on storing horses.

In recent years, the bureau tried fertility control drugs — administered through an annual shot delivered by dart gun — that would reduce the need for roundups. Now money for that has been spent on storing horses, too.

“The entire budget is tied up in feeding horses; we need to do something drastic, now,” said Ben Masters, a filmmaker who adopted seven wild horses and made a movie about riding them to Canada from Mexico. He now sits on the program’s nine-member advisory board.

In a phone interview from a wild horse area near Eureka, Nev., Mr. Masters described seeing thousands of acres damaged by overgrazing. “It’s totally degraded, and we need to save it, both for the horses and for the other wildlife.”

In September, the board voted 8 to 1 to kill the horses in storage. Mr. Masters said voting for the measure broke his heart. “It kills me. I’d love for there to be another way out, but I just don’t see it.”

After the vote, though, the bureau was flooded with outraged calls and emails, and officials quickly assured the public they had no plans to kill any horses. They have just signed contracts with ranches that can store 6,000 more horses.

Ginger Kathrens, a longtime wild horse advocate who sits on the bureau’s advisory board, cast the lone vote against killing the horses in storage, saying she favored increasing adoptions and finding places to put horses back out on the range. “There are lots of things the B.L.M. could do besides selling horses to kill buyers,” she said.

Federal law allows the agency to kill excess horses to maintain what it calls “a thriving natural ecological balance.” But regulators never took the step, in part fearing public reaction, and in part because Congress in recent years has added riders to various bills banning the killing of healthy wild horses.

Instead, the agency has encouraged people to adopt wild horses. But the number of people offering homes has rarely equaled the number of horses gathered in roundups.

The rest go to places like the Hughes Ranch, here in Oklahoma, where for about $2 per horse per day, Robert Hughes, a cattle rancher, maintains just over 4,000 horses on thousands of acres of prime grassland.

“I basically run an old folks home for horses,” he said with a chuckle as he looked out at the grazing herds. “They’re in good groceries right here, I can tell you that.”

Asked whether the agency should continue to store horses or euthanize them, he shook his head: “Hey, look, man, I’m in the grass-farming business.”

He said he did not have anything to do with policy. “If this deal ended, we’d get back into livestock in a big way.”

The agency now finds itself buffeted on all sides by lawsuits. Ranchers who share the range are demanding that horse numbers be brought down to prescribed levels. Animal rights groups are demanding an end to roundups and darting.

By next year, the agency expects an increase of 15,000 horses.

In September, the advisory board toured a wild horse herd area in Nevada that had not been grazed by cattle in eight years. Sue McDonnell, a board member who teaches equine behavior at the University of Pennsylvania, said she opposed euthanasia until she saw the battered grasses and invasive weeds.

“It was awful,” she said in an interview. “A lot of that land is under severe stress. If we don’t act now, there will be parts that will be lost effectively forever. The horses will die, other wildlife will die, and that will be that.”

While few people disagree that regions of the West are overgrazed, critics of the agency say it is wrong to blame wild horses, which are outnumbered by cattle 10 to one on bureau lands.

Killing horses in storage would only enable unsustainable practices that favor ranchers, they say.

“The population problem is just a symptom of a failed public lands wildlife policy,” said Michael Harris, a lawyer for Friends of Animals. To find a lasting solution, he said, the federal government must address decades of management policies that have eradicated wolves and mountain lions, which prey on horses, from public lands, creating a landscape where horses reproduce rapidly.

“We’re not going to solve this problem unless we have a policy that makes room for wildlife on the land — all wildlife, not just horses,” he said.

#the ny times #mustang horse #blm mustang #horse news #article #wanted to share some info on roundups and storage and this article covers some of the problems

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rosaliefms · 4 years

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new york’s very own 𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to 𝒋𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒎 ! you may know them as @𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 or hitting the front page of tmz as 𝗺𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘂𝗻𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿 . according to tmz , you just had your 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obstinate , but also intrepid . things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝗸𝗻𝗲𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘀 , 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺 & 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗼𝗰𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 . ( cis female + she / her ) ( career / voice claim : jennie kim )

hey all , i’m shay , sadly in the gmt timezone and i go by she / her pronouns . i’m super excited to be here again and i’m glad this group made a comeback . this is a very new muse and i’m still fleshing her out so if you’d like to read a little more about her , you can find it under the cut and i can’t wait to plot with you all !!

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒔

full name: rosalie moon .

face claim: jennie kim .

nicknames: rosie mainly , rosa and rose ( but you have to be real special for her to let you call her this one ) .

age: twenty two .

sexuality: bisexual .

date of birth: 14th december 1998 .

place of birth: manhattan , new york .

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

education: graduated highschool and went to culinary school .

occupation: singer / business owner .

drinks, smokes & drugs: only drinks sometimes .

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

zodiac: saggitarius .

MBTI: ESFJ .

likes: bouquets of flowers in every room , baking at least twice a week , glazed donuts , butterscotch milkshakes , dogs , summer picnics in the park , sunglasses for each outfit , an updated instagram , neatly organised closets & grilled cheese sandwiches .

dislikes: rude people .

bad habits: none .

hobbies: reading , cooking , baking & painting .

fears: none .

positive traits: affable , allocentric , altruistic , benevolent , cordial , diligent , humble , jovial , optimistic , punctual , reverent , staunch & virtuous .

negative traits: boisterous , enigmatic , fanciful , indulgent , mealymouthed & reticent .

inspired by: amy santiago ( brooklyn nine nine ) , josie saltzman ( legacies ) , pam beesly ( the office ) & phoebe buffay ( friends ) .

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒃𝒊𝒐𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒚

born in the heart of the city , rosalie was born to sung-ho and sera moon one cold decembers morning . her father is currently a plastic surgeon with his own practice while her mother is a socialite essentially and former tennis player . their careers couldn’t have been more different but they made it work , eventually marrying and giving birth to rosalie .

with her father’s practice just starting up at the time of her birth , they were somewhat average at the time , living a fairly normal life and so rosalie was never spoilt and didn’t grow up surrounded by everything she could possibly dream off . instead , it took years before the practice actually made any profits . all it took was one celebrity to be spotted leaving the place and business sky rocketed from there . the practice was full for months at a time with limited appointments and celebs willing to pay ridiculous prices to just be seen and so it was no surprise that as popularity increased so did the moon’s wealth .

the family were quick to relocate into a newer and much deserved bigger home , boasting more bedrooms than they ever needed but that didn’t matter because they’d earned their place among the rich and wealthy in new york . rosalie’s mother began to spend most of her time socialising and meeting with the high ranking neighbours and her father was continously working hard to maintain the life they were still adjusting to . as a result , rosalie was left to her own devices , free to do as she pleased and take up whatever she liked to the pass the time .

art was one of her first discoveries , realising that she enjoyed painting , liked the serenity of making something come to life and she often filled the bedrooms with her framed artwork . this quickly stopped once she hit her teen years and instead she turned to music , quickly discovering she had a voice that might actually do well . her mother had close contacts with producers and agents and rosalie was quickly signed up and went on to produce her own music for a while . she even went on tours , met fans and more and though she enjoyed this , she wasn’t sure if it was what she really wanted to do .

it was one afternoon alone when she had to cook for herself that she realised that was what she wanted to do . food made most people content and she wanted to do exactly that , to please people with her food and so after some convincing , her mother set her up with some critics who gave her advice she’d never forget . do whatever it takes to get your name and food out there . and so that’s exactly what she did . she’d spent hours in the kitchen , pouring her heart and soul into her food to then give it to fans and paps outside and it gave her the push she needed .

diving into her own savings , rosalie sought out her first restaurant , finding an ideal location in the heart of the city to open up rosalie’s . she took full responsibility for the development , design and promotion of the restaurant and even cooked behind the scenes on opening night . and as interest grew in the place , her time suddenly became more and more limited . she was offered a book contract and has recently signed a tv contract for her own slot on day time tv to showcase what she can really do .

currently , she still adores singing ( she’s still a part of blackpink ) and does it to please fans and she’s also juggling the running of her restaurant and starring on her own tv show . when she’s not doing that , she’s painting or just chilling at home .

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 & 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

is very soft , basically a sweetheart and will definitely let things slide unless said things concern her friends or family , then she’ll have a stern word or two to say about it .

big believer in second chances ... within reason . she’s the kinda person to see the best in everyone until they give her a reason not to .

loves people and socialising and conversations about something and nothing

is probably the kinda friend to turn up with muffins or whatever concoction she decided to bake

has two pomeranian puppies called chewie and han

° ⁎ ⋆ 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

pr relationship - maybe they’re friends , maybe they can’t stand one another but pretending to be romantically involved benefits them both . idk this could be fun

roommates - �� idk this could be fun , just a couple people living together , having movie nights every week and hosting pool parties . bonus she’ll cook for all her roommates too .

best friend - self explanatory . probably a ny native , someone she’s grown up with her and is probably her oldest friend . they’ve stuck by one another through thick and thin and they’re still going on strong .

ex - friends - they were friends once upon a time but something drove them apart , whether it was their new careers , opposing opinions or the fact they grew up , something pushed them apart and they’ve not made up since .

girl squad - who doesn’t love a cute lil girl squad . just them having manicures together and spa days . they’ve been on plenty of vacations together and they always have the best nights out together too .

crush - could be mutual or not , rosalies probably too oblivious to ever realise

exes - good or bad , i imagine rosalies had a couple relationships in the past . we can figure out the finer details together

other ideas - childhood friends , neighbours , highschool sweethearts , one night stand , enemies , sibling like friendship , partner in crime / ride or die , pr relationship / friendship

#wealthyhq:intro #hopefully the formatting didn't mess up bc this is q'd akdjskfj

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self-ships-ahoy · 3 years

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My Heart in Your Hands

Saturday (Feb 13th) Heart / Soul / Confession

Summary: During the events of Mann vs. Machine, Technician faces her greatest fear for the good of her friends - and the love of her life.

Warnings: General depictions of surgery (nothing too graphic, but there is a lot of talk about Tech’s heart in the second half)

Word Count: 1,307

A/N: Ok...I am very very nervous about posting this fic. I had to scramble to find a good reason for Tech to have this surgery done (i.e. if lives were on the line), and I’m just always nervous when presenting my writings with Medic. I have seen quite a few people be critical about his depictions, if he’s ‘in character’ enough, and I was afraid of being met with that kind of criticism. But writing is supposed to be for fun, and IF I’m a little ooc with him, so what? I put a whole lot into this fic, and you’re going to really see the extent of their feelings, so I’m proud of it. (Also, about the end, I am totally one to use wordplay even if I’m just coming out of anesthesia, so yeah Tech is like that too.)

~ 💖 ~

For as long as she could remember, Technician's greatest fear and weakness had been anything related to medical procedures. From the smell of a sterilized office to the mere sight of a needle, it all made her anxious at best and panic-stricken at worst. Everyone at the RED base knew this, since they heard how she ‘freaked out’ during her initial physical examination. Fortunately, although her phobias still remain, her reactions have started to become less severe over time, thanks in big part to her relationship with Medic. Forming a friendship, and later a romantic affair, with him helped her tolerance to her fear triggers greatly. Her desire to see him had her visiting the medbay often, where she soon became accustomed to many sights and smells of the lab. The doctor remained supportive of Technician working to overcome her fears, and he took an active role in the process. Still, Katie had a long way to go, and he knew that. He knew, by now, what kind of answer he would get to a proposed surgery, even though he only offered what was for her benefit. "It's very sweet that you care that much, but it's just not worth it to me." So, he would sigh in defeat and drop the subject, loving her too much to breach the boundaries she set.

This pattern continued until 1971. Mann Co. was under siege by Grey Mann, effectively taking control from Saxton Hale with an army of robots. Both Red and Blu teams were hired to take back the company, so far with little avail. It all seemed pointless to Technician, at first, if not fortunate; this could be her ticket out of here, if she could convince Grey to fire her. Then the game changed. In an effort to drive the mercs away for good, Grey's forces managed to sabotage and shut down respawn - for good. Now, they could actually die. After so many years of being alone, Katie couldn't bear the thought of losing her friends. With Medic's new reviving invention still a work in progress, that thought could become a reality. She would do anything to keep them safe, even just to increase that chance by a fraction of a percentage. This was what she came to talk to Medic about, one quiet afternoon at the base.

The two of them sat on the couch in his office. The programmer remained silent, a hesitant and apprehensive frown on her face. She had yet to reveal why she called Medic here, and the longer she waited, the more concerned he became. However, his patience was finite, and spending the whole day on this conversation could be time otherwise spent working on his invention. "Darling," he addressed her gently, but with seriousness, "Vhatever is troubling you, don't be afraid to tell me about it; I cannot help you if you don't tell me...nor do I have time to vait much longer."

Technician's chest tightened, her eyes squeezing shut for a moment. She couldn't wait forever. Sighing nervously, she began, "...I need you to...do something for me."

"Anything," he answered without question.

Another short pause. "I'm scared. I really think we could die out there..." She held his hand for support. "I can't lose you, Ludwig. You're the most important person in my life...and you're all my friends... You're the closest thing I have to family. So, I want to do whatever I can to help protect you."

"...Vhat are you saying?"

"...I want you to put Über in me."

Medic couldn't believe what he heard. Technician seemed to have a knack for surprising him, but, understandably, this was a big deal. Thus far, she had refused every surgery offer presented to her, and now she comes to him and requests one? The man was no reader of emotions, but judging from the tension on her face, and how she squeezed his hand, it didn't seem like she was completely positive of the decision. Excited as he felt, he had to make sure they were on the same page, or he could lose her trust in him forever. "You are...absolutely sure of zhis?"

Technician went quiet again before answering. "I don't know. But...I want to be. I don't want to be afraid of this, especially if it could help you stay alive. With how often I've fallen onto front lines, it could even protect me, too. But..."

"If it's pain you're concerned about, I promise zhe pain medications I use, in addition to zhe medigun, vill decrease anything you feel down to manageable levels." He couldn't help but try to convince her to go through with it. Despite her indecision, he agreed with her points that supported the procedure; this could protect her and her friends, should she fall into danger. "You won't even need stitches," he added with a small smile.

He was getting excited, she could hear it in his voice. Technician expected as much, but she had to finish. "It's not just about the pain. I just...I don't like operations, I never did. You know that... And...I wanted to make sure I could...trust you with it. And I do, now. It's just...hard."

Medic's smile grew when he heard that he finally earned Technician's trust. That alone made him feel so accomplished. "I promise you, I vill handle zhe procedure vis as much care as I handle our fledgling doves. You have my word as a doctor - license or no." He tilted his head down to further meet her gaze. "Does zhat ease any of your fear?"

"...Yeah. It does."

~~~

On the day of the operation, Technician's friends all came to give their support. She was facing a great challenge for the good of the team, and for her own safety, a decision that they all could commend. Soldier told her she was making her country proud by pushing through the fear; Scout brought her some comic books to read for when she's in recovery; Sniper and Engineer pledged to stay by her bedside when she goes under and when she wakes up; even Spy said he would anticipate hearing her wake from a successful operation. Their faith and encouragement helped Technician move forward with this, and she kept their words and gestures in mind when nervously changing into her special hospital gown. Above all, she remembered all Medic promised to do for her, to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Placing her jewelry in a plastic bag, her thumb brushed over the heart-shaped pendant of her necklace. That was a prized possession now, a symbol of how much she was cherished. As she stared at it, her mind began retracing every instance of Ludwig prioritizing her happiness. This...this was a man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And why: because she knew she could entrust him with her very life, even on the operating table. She knew that if she asked him to do or not do something, he would take that request seriously. She's going to go into the operating room with full confidence that Medic will do nothing more than implant the Über device in a human heart. That was true love.

Technician made her way to the hospital bed, and squeezed Dell's hand as the I.V. went in her wrist. As she settled down from that, Medic gleefully presented his patient with precautions he doesn't usually take during surgery, such as a clean pair of gloves and keeping Archimedes at a distance, so the dove doesn't get tempted to play assistant surgeon. In the time between now and the first Über implantation, Medic had even been experimenting with his invention to make it more efficient, i.e. less likely to overload the patient's heart and what not. There was a good chance that Technician could come out of this with her original heart in tact.

At last, the time came for her to be put under anesthesia, per her request. Katie kept her eyes away from the sight, but listened to Medic's voice as she slipped into unconsciousness. "You'll be awake and feeling good as new in no time, my dear. Don't worry..." he told her calmly as he watched her drift off. Engineer and Sniper then left the room, and the procedure began.

Everything was running well. Throughout the procedure, Medic talked to his patient as if she was awake, from making light (one-sided) conversation to commenting on each step he was taking. (He said she had very healthy ribs, for instance.) At last, Technician's heart was successfully removed and resting in the doctor's delicate hold. He was being timely about each step so far, never stalling or rushing; but here was when he began to pause, staring at his love's heart while the medigun kept her on life support. The power he felt was indescribable, surmounted only by the honor of being granted the chance to literally hold Katie's very life in his hands. He, too, understood the significance of being allowed to perform this surgery on her, the amount of trust it showed she had in him. There was excitement from finally getting to operate, yes, but...it had yet to truly sink in until this moment.

As he cradled the tiny, life-giving muscle, a euphoria began to overtake him. This was more than just the thrill of practicing medicine; this was finally realizing the meaning of his beloved not only allowing, but asking without prompt, to partake in her greatest fear. The love she had for him was stronger than her fear and doubt, for she realized that he would never hurt her. And for all the love he felt for her, and how much closer he would feel to her if given the chance to do this, hearing her finally approve was his strongest wish. Ludwig was already sure he had found The One, but now - oh, now he was 100% positive and then some. His breathing cut short a couple times as his eyes began to well up. But, instead of crying, he began to laugh - slowly, quietly, then rising in strength with his elation. It was a laugh of pure joy, unlike anything else ever heard in the operating room.

~~~

Awaking from the anesthesia was a slightly difficult task, only due to Technician's penchant for prolonging sleep. With the pain medication still in her system, she had almost forgotten for a moment that she had underwent surgery. But a growing echo of voices helped pull her out of her induced slumber.

"I think she's comin' to, doc. Hey, Tech, can ya hear us?"

"Come on, mate..."

"Vake up, meine geliebte~. Zhe surgery is all over now."

The sing-song tones of Medic's call lured her out of her sleeping state, and cerulean eyes fluttered open to the sight of the doctor's beaming smile. To her left, Engineer and Sniper sat with their own happy expressions. Technician turned her gaze back to Medic, attempting to speak through her haze. "Did...everything..."

"Everything vent perfectly, darling, visout a hitch." Medic answered her, "I hadn't completed a procedure zhat smoothly in years, heh." In truth, there had been one or two slight deviations in the plan - minor errors that he was able to work around, and certainly not worth mentioning to the tomophobic programmer. That being said, it was still one of Medic's more successful operations. "How do you feel?"

She thought for a moment, hesitant to feel her heart in case she might feel the Über implant. "Strange...Tired... Chest feels tight. Is my heart okay?"

Engineer spoke up with more words of reassurance, "Heart's a-OK, Techie. Doc said it survived the whole thing, no transplants 'r anything like that."

"It vas remarkable to witness," Medic commented with glee, "For a heart of such small size, I vas expecting more resistance to zhe device. My upgrades must have made an even greater improvement zhan anticipated!"

The corners of her lips began to curl as she heard the great news. Above all, she was worried about her heart needing to be replaced with something bizarre for the device to work. But, the doctor fulfilled his promises and kept her heart intact...as did another force unbeknownst to her. Should someone tell her of it, she would show no surprise at the fact.

Facing Medic again, Technician inched her hand closer to him, a kind look in her sleepy eyes. "I knew you could do it... I was in good hands."

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healnsoothereview · 3 years

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doomedandstoned · 3 years

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Lowen Return with Stunning EP, ‘Unceasing Lamentations’

~By Reek of STOOM~

Art by Hervé Scott Flament

London-based Doomters LOWEN return with an incredible, stripped back-to-bare-bones release next month. "Unceasing Lamentations" consists of 3 evocative, alluring tracks based on ancient Middle Eastern texts and highlighting Nina Saeidi's incredible vocal talent.

First track, "The Exalted One Who Walketh" shimmers with the arid heat of the desert, vocals soaring, plaintive and mesmerising, like a melding of Ofra Haza and Diamanda Galas, backed throughout by Shem Lucas' soulful Oud-style playing. Indeed, the lone vocal combo stretches across all three tracks, bringing a sultry and beguiling presence as powerful and majestic as the heaviest Doom out there.

Lowen have encountered many issues over the last 12 months, and this EP has been cathartic, heartfelt and deeply reconnecting with their roots. A Triumph!

I spoke with both Nina and Shem and posed some questions about the last year and their new release, out June 4th.

The new EP is obviously an accumulation of recent trials and tribulations for the band. How have you coped with such an acrimonious split?

Shem: It was a difficult situation but the core of the band has always been Nina and myself. The music is about her background and Lowen is a vehicle to explore that and always has been. Anyone that is unable or unwilling to accept that simply does not have a place within the band. There are many wonderful musicians that have approached us eager to work with us and that has been very touching.

Nina: As Shem said, it was a very difficult and sad situation that shocked us to our cores when it happened. The extreme nature of having a racially motivated hate crime directed at me by our ex-drummer has in a way allowed us to view it as a clean break from which we can move on without looking back. Shem and I have felt so much more positive and driven now that we can plan and write completely new material together and look to a much brighter future.

The support from our friends and fans in the immediate aftermath was really touching and we are so excited to work with some insanely talented new musicians this summer!

LISTEN: Unceasing Lamentations by Lowen

I'm also assuming that lockdown has played a part in the stripped-back sound? To what extent has this process changed the way you look at and create Music now?

Shem: Unceasing Lamentations is a result of Nina being invited to perform on a Solo basis by the Brighton Doomsday collective as part of their efforts to raise funds to keep the Green Door Store venue in Brighton open in the face of the pandemic. We were so happy with the results that we decided to have Magnus Lindberg of Cult of Luna master the audio so that we could release it.

The songs don’t represent a new direction so much as a pivotal moment in time for the band, we’re still writing our next album to feature big distorted guitars, drums and bass, though I would say that it was wonderful to finally release something that was a lot more eastern in terms of musical composition. It’s a nice bridge between the first album and the resulting musical studies we have undertaken to bring our sound closer to what we both hear in our minds.

Nina: It was so freeing to be able to improvise and really embrace the more Iranian and Eastern aspects of our sound and influence. It’s something I’ve been pushing to do more since we released our first album and I am so excited that we will now be fully putting that into the second one. This EP is more of a captured moment where I expressed the anguish and longing that I was experiencing at the time.

Due to the improvisational aspect of the performance we went in with no plan at all. Apart from the lullaby what you hear are musical choices that were made in that very moment. It can magical to simply give up all control of a creative situation and see what the body spontaneously produces musically.

LISTEN: A Crypt in the Stars by Lowen

The lyrics were based on folk tales or Eastern myths. How did you come to choose them?

Nina: The lyrics for the first two songs are directly taken from cuneiform tablets. The Exalted One Who Walketh is an arrangement of transliterated lines taken from a Sumerian city destruction lamentation referred to as “e-lum didara”. Against Evil Done by the Serpent is a transliteration of Akkadian from a clay tablet that directed the tuning of an instrument through metaphoric comparisons between gods and each string.

I met with renown museo-archeologist Richard Dumbrill and talked with him for several hours on how the words may have been pronounced and sung in the context of ancient music and modern interpretation. Though we will never know how ancient music and language sounded, it is thought that some of it has been preserved in folk music of the areas in which it originated when it comes to the music of the Middle East.

The third song is an Iranian lullaby that embodies the sorrow of war and abandonment felt by many children during the Iran-Iraq war and is still sadly apt for many children in the Middle East today. The lullaby centres on a child who has experienced the trauma of war being comforted by a mother who promises that she will not abandon them as they tread dangerous ground even in their dreams.

I chose all these because I am deeply interested in the history of language and culture in the Middle East. It moves me that music and lyrics that are thousands of years old can be resurrected and performed once more in a context where the sorrows and joys of multiple cultures that were geographically close can be viewed millennia apart.

How is the new line-up going? Any major differences or effects on the dynamic?

Shem: Lowen has always revolved around Nina and myself, but Richard Stevenson (our live bass player) is still very much a part of the band. We have been approached by other musicians who would like to work with us and we are excited to move forward with an array of incredibly talented musicians.

Nina: Our dynamic is stronger than ever as Shem and I are able to write and move forward with much greater speed and productivity than before. We always wrote the music in the past, but now we feel that we are able to be a lot more free creatively.

We are so grateful that we have Richard Stevenson, our live bassist, with us for what will be a very exciting summer in terms of shows. He always brings amazing energy to the stage and has been a dedicated member and friend for years now.

Soon we will be able to reveal who we will have drumming for us live and we can’t wait.

You have always been vocal about political and social issues in the East. What are your hopes for the future?

Nina: My greatest hope will always be for peace. War and political savagery has felt never-ending in the Middle East, and much of it is because of interference and backing from non-Eastern countries that profit from terminal instability and conflict. For example, we’re currently seeing horrendous atrocities in the news with the state of Israel attacking and tearing apart even more innocent lives and I hope that those who are actively campaigning for ceasefire and recognition of what is truly happening in Gaza and Sheikh Jarrah succeed. I’d like to clarify that my criticism of the state of Israel is not tied in with Jewishness or the nature of Judaism, I think it’s important not to veer into anti-semitism and anti-muslim sentiment when noting political matters in Israel.

My personal hope is to be able to go and see my family, who live in other parts of the Middle East, without fear of arrest and execution. I would be overjoyed if women were able to sing in public again and for the LGBTQ+ community in Iran to live without fear of death and persecution.

Will you be planning a tour or appearances at any festivals in the coming year?

Shem: we’re very excited to begin performing live again, the performances prior to pandemic had begun to feature increasing intensity, so we can only imagine what a renewed and focussed line up will add to that, as well as the prospect of playing new material.

Nina: We have a few more shows to announce in what is already feeling like a packed few months of shows around the UK but I can’t say anything yet.

What was the last thing you had to kick to get working again?

Shem: there was nothing to kick per se, but the many many hours of study into eastern music, rhythm and maqam are certainly paying off and the music we are composing now is focussed and features many techniques and devices not widely seen within western music, there’s also a lot of double bass drum!

Nina: A few cobwebs and a couple of boxes in order to find my stage mic after so long.

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my-major-is-k-howard · 4 years

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Lover

Inspired by “Lover” by Taylor Swift. I had a really fun time writing this chapter (which is why it’s so long... oops). I was listening to “Two” by Sleeping at Last and “The End of All Things” by Panic! at the Disco while writing so I threw in a couple lyrics from those songs into the vows. I hope you all enjoy! 💚💙

Word Count: 3915

Trigger Warning: lead up to sex (at the end)

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4

————————————————————

Ch. 5 - To End Up With You

If Anne wasn’t already crying at her proposal, the next picture definitely got her to cry. Her eyes landed on the next Polaroid and instantly felt tears streaming down her cheeks. It pictured her wedding day, the day Anne got to marry her best friend and love of her life.

The year following the proposal was hectic to say the least. Cathy did many book signings and press conferences in the months following the release of her book. It was a massive hit and, though it did receive some criticism for its inclusion of queer characters, the public enjoyed the novel and praised the author for shedding light on such important topics. Cathy was astounded by the amount of support her novel received, showing her gratitude in every speech she gave and every note she wrote as she signed each copy of her book. Anne never doubted for a second that Cathy’s novel would be a best-seller and when it happened, the couple celebrated together in a mix of tears, champagne, and kisses.

On top of that, Cathy and Anne began planning for their wedding. They set the date for a little less than a year after the proposal so that they would have adequate time to make their special day perfect. They toured so many venues before finally settling on a quaint spot outside of the city. The house was small and old-fashioned, paired with a beautiful garden where the couple planned on getting married. They tasted cakes together, picked flowers, and chose color schemes, each new milestone filling them with anticipation for the big day. They also went dress shopping and each managed to keep their dresses hidden from each other until the day of the wedding.

As Anne strained to see through the blur of tears, she took in all of the beautiful details of the photo. Kat had captured the first moment that Anne and Cathy saw each other in their wedding dresses. The garden gazebo they were in was white with vines climbing up the pillars, making it a picturesque backdrop for the Polaroid. The two brides were facing each other, clearly admiring the beauty of the other. They both looked on the verge of tears, the love they shared evident in every part of their posture and gaze. The flow of tears only increased as Anne got lost in the memories that the picture brought to mind.

~~~~~

Anne flinched as a bright flash flared from the Polaroid camera to her right.

“Kat, you almost made me mess up my eyeliner!” Anne squeaked, turning to the girl next to her.

Her cousin flashed her an apologetic smile. “Sorry! I took one of Cathy getting ready and thought it would be cute if you each had one.”

“If you show me hers, I might forgive you,” Anne responded and gave Kat her best pleading face in hopes of getting a sneak peak of Cathy before seeing her in person.

Kat’s smile wavered and she shook her head, not making eye contact with Anne. “I can’t! I promised I wouldn’t spoil anything!”

“At least I tried,” Anne mumbled before shifting her attention back to her eyeliner. After several failed attempts at completing her left wing, the Boleyn girl sighed in defeat.

“Hey Kat,” Anne spoke up shyly. “Could you, you know, help me with my eyeliner?” Anne felt embarrassed as the question left her mouth. She never liked asking others for help, especially since she always felt helpless and weak when doing so. Cathy had always made an effort to ease Anne’s fear of asking for help, even with tasks as simple as applying eyeliner. That was one of the many things she loved about her bride.

Anne subconsciously smiled at that thought. Cathy was her bride. And, in a few short hours, she would be her wife. I really am the luckiest person in the world, Anne thought to herself.

“Yes, of course!” Kat’s excited response snapped Anne out of her reverie. The younger girl quickly rushed to her aid, grabbing the eyeliner pen and doing her best to complete the bride’s makeup.

After a few tries and many “sorry”s later, Kat finally perfected Anne’s wing and proudly gestured for her cousin to look in the mirror at her finished product. “Kat, you really outdid yourself. You’re almost as good as Cathy!”

Anne admired her reflection, truly taking in every detail and committing it to memory. This was the day she had been waiting for since she first started dating Cathy. She was ready to take her beautiful fiancée as her wife and share their first kiss as newlyweds. Anne could barely contain her excitement for the day ahead of her.

“Are you ready?” Kat asked.

“Yeah, almost. I just need to put on my dress and I’ll be good to go,” Anne responded, gesturing to the sleeveless, lace wedding dress hanging up behind her. She stood up and prepared to change into it.

Kat quickly rushed to her side to help her put on the dress. “I meant more emotionally, actually. How are you feeling?”

Anne stepped into the dress and slid it up. She took a second to actually think before giving the girl an answer. Of course, she was beyond excited to marry the love of her life but there was also a little voice in the back of her head that made her anxious about the hours to come. What if something went wrong? What if Cathy changed her mind? What if Anne messed everything up? Anne sighed as all the “what if”s swirled around her mind.

Kat gave her a worried look before she finally spoke up. “If I’m honest, I am excited but also a little scared. I’ve been looking forward to this day for years and I just want it to be perfect. I don’t want to mess it up, not only for me but for Cathy. God, she deserves the world and I’m so scared that I’ll disappoint her.”

Kat zipped up the dress before turning the bride to face her. “Anne, everything’s going to be fine. Cathy loves you more than anything, and I know that for a fact. You could literally be wearing a trash bag and she would still marry you just as you are. And if things aren’t perfect, that’s okay. It’s those little mishaps that you’ll look back on together and smile about. I love you so much, Anne.” Kat finished her little speech by giving Anne a big hug that nearly made Anne cry.

“I love you too, Kitty Kat,” Anne whispered and hugged her even tighter. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kat whispered as she pulled away. “Wow, Anne! You look amazing!” Kat marveled at how stunning Anne looked in her wedding dress and full face of makeup.

“Aww thanks,” Anne responded before turning to look at herself in the mirror. She admired how her dress perfectly accentuated her curves and how her makeup brought out the green in her eyes. She hoped more than anything that Cathy would like her appearance.

Anne began daydreaming about what Cathy would look like in her dress. She imagined her shy smile as their eyes met and the glimmer in her eyes as they admired each other’s beauty. Anne was glad they had decided to meet in the gazebo before the ceremony to see each other for the first time because Anne wasn’t sure she could wait until the ceremony to see her bride.

“Do you have your vows ready?” Kat asked.

“Yeah, I wrote them down,” Anne said as she picked up a small, folded piece of paper that was lying on the vanity desk. She opened it up to reveal her handwritten calligraphy script professing her love and promises to Cathy.

A small knock on the door sounded and Anne looked over to see Aragon in the doorway. “Hi, Anne. Cathy’s almost ready now. We’re going to head to the gazebo soon.” The older woman gave her a warm smile. “Oh! Also, Cathy wanted me to tell you she loves you.”

Anne blushed before responding. “Okay, thanks Catherine. Tell Cathy I love her more,” Anne replied.

“I certainly will,” Aragon said as she closed the door. Anne couldn’t help but smile at the fact that in a few short minutes she would be seeing Cathy in her wedding dress for the first time.

“Kat, do you have your camera ready?” Anne asked her cousin.

“Of course I do,” Kat responded and picked up her camera from its place on the desk. Anne gave herself a quick glance through the mirror, running her fingers through her perfectly curled hair one last time before standing up to meet her cousin by the door.

“Then let’s go see my bride.”

At the gazebo, the four other queens managed to get the two brides back-to-back without either of them peeking, a truly impressive feat since Anne repeatedly tried to look before they were ready. Now, Anne’s back was pressed gently against Cathy’s and she was buzzing with excitement. Anne slowly reached her hand behind her until it brushed Cathy’s.

“Can we turn around now?” Cathy asked, almost as impatient as Anne was at this point.

“Almost. I’ll count down and then you two turn around. Okay?” The two girls hummed in agreement as Kat fidgeted a little more with her Polaroid camera. “Alright. 3, 2, 1. Turn around!”

Time seemed to slow as Anne turned to face Cathy. She caught a glimpse of her dress first, an elegant long-sleeved gown that suited Cathy perfectly. As she completed the turn, Anne took in the sight fully and couldn’t help but gawk at the beauty in front of her. Cathy’s hair was done up so that her curls graced the sides of her face and her makeup was simple yet stunning.

Anne barely registered the flash of Kat’s camera, too smitten with the woman in front of her to even notice. She felt her breath catch in her throat as she met Cathy’s eyes. She could see tears forming in them and a wave of emotions crashed over Anne, threatening to knock her off her feet. She took a small step forward and reached out to take Cathy’s hand. Cathy immediately obliged and Anne lifted it to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

“Anne…” Cathy whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “You are so beautiful.” Anne felt a tear slip down her cheek as she heard Cathy say those words.

“You’re more beautiful Cathy,” Anne whispered back, leaning closer to her bride as she pressed their foreheads together and wrapped her arms around her waist. Cathy in turn leaned into Anne and wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck. They stayed in that position for a few seconds, eyes closed, just reveling in each other’s presence. “I love you, Catherine Parr. I love you so much more than you know.”

Cathy pulled back far enough to meet her bride’s eyes. She opened her mouth to say something before changing her mind and swooping in to kiss Anne’s lips. Anne reciprocated with the same passion, before Cathy pulled away a couple seconds later.

“Isn’t it bad luck to kiss your bride before the ceremony?” Anne cheekily asked. Cathy let out a chuckle before pecking her lips again.

“I can’t help it when you look like you just descended from heaven with your wings intact. You’re irresistible, Anne.” Cathy brushed a strand of dark hair behind Anne’s ear.

“And you look like a goddess that just emerged from the sea, my love. I’m so lucky that I get to call you mine,” Anne whispered back.

Anne was broken out of her bubble when she heard someone sniffle off to their left. She turned to look and was surprised to see Cleves wiping furiously at her eyes. The other queens were all in similar situations. Catherine was holding onto Jane, both of them with tears streaming down their faces. Kat, of course, had a bright smile on her face despite the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

“Well, Anna, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you cry,” Anne spoke up with a mischievous smile on her face. She loosened her grip on Cathy as they both turned to face the other queens.

Cleves scoffed before responding. “What? Would you prefer for me to gag like I usually do?”

The queens broke out into giggles after that comment before composing themselves once more.

“Should we read our vows now, Anne?” Cathy asked. The couple had decided to read vows before the ceremony with only the queens to keep the intimate moment as private as possible. They thought the perfect moment would be at the gazebo after seeing each other’s dresses for the first time.

Anne nodded before turning to her cousin, who she had given her vows to before her walk to the gazebo. “Kat, can I have my vows now?”

Kat shuffled a bit between the several pictures she’d taken until she finally pulled out the slip of paper Anne had given her earlier. She walked over and handed it to her with a small smile. “Here you go!”

Cathy went to get hers from Aragon before returning to stand in front of Anne. They got lost in each other’s eyes momentarily before beginning their vows.

“Love, you go first,” Cathy said and motioned for Anne to start.

Anne slowly unfolded the paper and cleared her throat nervously before reading her vows.

“Catherine Parr, as I stand before you today, I can say with the utmost confidence I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love you. Every part of you, every vice and every virtue, has taken my world and flipped it on its head. You challenge me to be a better person, to think harder, to work harder, to love harder. You are my perfect match in every way and you inspire me to live up to my potential. My whole life I thought that love was supposed to be painful, to have your heart broken and mended over and over again. You changed that definition with your constant and unwavering love. Your love is home that, no matter in sunshine or in rain, will always be a safe haven for me to return to.

“I promise that I will be that haven for you too, that I will hold you close whether you are laughing or crying. I will be dependable and steadfast. I will always try to make you laugh and brighten your day when the world feels like it's caving in. I’ll even hold up the sky on my back if it means keeping you safe. I promise to make sure you eat and sleep, even if I have to force you out of your study and away from your writing to do so. I promise to spend the rest of our lives falling deeper in love with you. Everything in my life thus far has led up to this moment, led up to you. Now, Cathy, I dedicate the rest of my life to you, until the end of all things.”

Anne finished reading her vows and looked up to meet Cathy’s tear-filled eyes. She was proud that she got through the entire speech without crying, a feat she didn’t think was possible while writing it. Cathy sniffled shyly and dabbed lightly at her eyes in a vain attempt to prevent the tears from falling down her face.

Anne cupped her face with her free hand and caught a tear that was slowly making its way down Cathy’s cheek with the pad of her thumb. Cathy leaned into her touch softly before speaking up. “That was so beautiful, Annie.”

Anne averted her gaze to the floor as she blushed a deep crimson at the praise. “Thanks, love.” After a brief pause, Anne removed her hand from Cathy's cheek and spoke up again. “I think it’s your turn now, Cathy.”

Cathy blushed and shuffled with the paper in her hands. “Right, of course.” Cathy opened the paper and gave Anne a shy glance before starting.

“My dearest Anne Boleyn, before I met you my life was a dull shade of blue, almost grey, a sea of sadness and loneliness. I spent days, sometimes weeks, at a time in my bedroom drowning in my own fear. I feared the world, I feared vulnerability, I feared love. When I met you, you shattered my blue-tinted glasses and I finally saw the world for what it truly was, a paradise filled with every shade of color with you by my side. You filled my life with joy and laughter. You saved me from drowning in my own thoughts and fears. Most of all, you taught me how to love. The more you showed me of yourself, the less I feared being vulnerable. You listened to my thoughts, you cared about my feelings, you showed me how beautiful true love can be.

“I vow to be the loving wife you deserve for the rest of our days. I will love you unabashedly, without any strings attached. I will care for you in sickness and in health, and kiss all your boo boos when you hurt yourself on your heelys. I vow to support you and stand by your side, to see things from your perspective while offering mine in exchange. The times will change and the oceans will rage but I promise, Anne, that I will always choose you. I can’t express how much of a privilege and honor it is to support you, to love you. I am yours forever, Anne Boleyn, and I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with anybody but you. I love you.”

By the time Cathy finished her speech, Anne was a crying mess. Cathy always had such a beautiful way with words and it made Anne fall in love with her a little more each time she shared her writing with her. Cathy gently took Anne’s face in her hand, wiping away the stray tears with her thumb. Anne smiled softly at her before whispering, “No wonder you’re a writer. That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Cathy blushed and then leaned up to kiss Anne on the forehead. “I meant every word of it, Anne. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“We have to get through the actual wedding first. And I’ll have to redo my makeup before then too.” Anne chuckled to herself.

“It’s not too bad. Your mascara is a little messed up but the rest is fine.” Cathy gave her an encouraging smile before continuing. “Your eyeliner looks great! Did you do it yourself?”

“No, I did it!” Kat chirped before flashing Anne an embarrassed smile, afraid she’d said too much.

“Babe, you know I can never do it properly on my own,” Anne added as Cathy laughed. “Which is why you’ll be doing it for the rest of our lives.”

“I’ll gladly do it for the rest of our lives, Anne.” Cathy pressed one last kiss to Anne’s lips before the one they shared at the altar after officially being pronounced Mrs. & Mrs. Boleyn-Parr.

If Anne was honest, the day had passed in a blur and before she knew it she and Cathy were back at their home, a little tipsy but more happy than they had ever been in their lives. When they got to their bedroom, Anne turned on the fairy lights to shed some soft light around the room so they could see.

Anne sat on the edge of the bed and shuffled through the several Polaroids Kat had taken throughout the day. There was one of them at the altar sharing a kiss, a few from the reception with the queens, and even the ones that Kat had taken while each of them were getting ready. Cathy’s picture showed the queen applying blush while pulling a silly face at the camera.

Anne laughed to herself at her wife’s antics before feeling the bed dip next to her. Cathy rested her head on Anne’s shoulder, peering down at the pictures she was holding. She noticed the one Anne was currently looking at and chuckled.

“I tried to get Kat to show me this picture before we met at the gazebo. I wanted a sneak peek so badly but I doubt even this would’ve prepared me for how breathtaking you were,” Anne whispered to the queen next to her.

Cathy laughed before responding. “I tried to blackmail Aragon into showing me a picture of what you looked like. I was so excited to see you I could barely wait.”

Anne rested her head on top of Cathy’s. “I guess we’re more alike than we thought.”

Anne shuffled the photo to the bottom of the stack she was holding and revealed the final Polaroid she had yet to see. It was the picture of them at the gazebo, turning to look at each other for the first time. Her eyes filled with tears instantly and she struggled to keep her composure. She left out a soft sigh before speaking.

“I think this one is my favorite.”

“We should hang it up then,” Cathy suggested softly and lifted her head from Anne’s shoulder. Anne turned to meet Cathy’s gaze and smiled. She stood up and placed the other pictures on their nightstand before taking her favorite and hanging it up on one of the free clips. She admired the Polaroid in the warm light, taking in every detail as if it was the last time she’d ever see it.

When she finally turned back around, Cathy was shimmying out of her dress. Anne approached her quietly and wrapped her arms around her from behind. She pressed feather soft kisses to her back leading up to her shoulder and then her neck.

Cathy hummed with contentment and leaned back in Anne’s embrace. Anne began tracing different shapes on Cathy’s bare abdomen as she repeatedly pecked Cathy’s neck. Slowly, Cathy turned to face Anne and caught her lips in hers, beginning soft and slow but quickly turning heated and passionate. Cathy moved her hands to the zipper of Anne’s dress and slowly tugged it down.

They parted as Anne’s dress hit the floor, leaving only enough time for Anne to step out of it before reconnecting their lips in a heat of passion and desire. They inched their way backward until the backs of Anne’s knees hit the edge of the bed, causing her to unexpectedly lose her balance and fall back onto the soft sheets.

Cathy chuckled at the sight until Anne grabbed her wrists and pulled her onto the bed as well. She landed on top of Anne, causing the taller girl to huff at the sudden weight before laughing. She gazed up lovingly at Cathy before kissing her once more. Anne grabbed Cathy’s waist and slowly rolled them over until they were in the middle of the bed.

Anne pulled away to catch her breath and looked down at her beautiful wife, surrounded by a sea of white sheets. Cathy’s chest was rising and falling rapidly as she stared up into Anne’s eyes. They didn’t need words to express the love they had for each other. They showed it and felt it in different ways that night.

#parrlyn #parrleyn #parrlyn fanfic #six the musical #six the musical fanfic #anne boleyn #catherine parr #anne boleyn x catherine parr

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