#also STRONG gender | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart · 10 months

Text

Robin never really got boys talk.

When Sarah turned 14 she invited all the girls in band for a sleepover. It started out fun. After her parents went to bed they put on a creepy horror movie and watched it in a huge cuddle pile. They braided each other's hair and did each other's nails and squeezed each other during tense scenes and muffled their shrieks after a sudden jumpscare.

After that they watched another one. This time Sarah sneaked her mother's makeup kit down to the living room, and so lipstick and eyeshadow joined the mess of nail polish, hair clips and snacks already on the floor.

The second movie was different. In the first one, the blood was obviously fake and the acting wasn't the best (to say the least). But the second one was tense through and through. The cries of pain were so visceral that Robin shuddered, and in the end everyone was terrified. It was silently and unanimously agreed upon that everyone had had enough TV for the night. It was already 3 in the morning, but tomorrow was the weekend and right now Robin wouldn't be able to sleep even if she wanted to, and thus began Robin's first real boys talk.

It was funny at first. Sarah pretended to die of heartbreak when "the blond hot one" was unfortunately the second to die. Heather said the nerdy one with glasses and abs was cuter, which started a very heated discussion of whether blond or brown is the more attractive hair color. Robin had to defend her correct "redheads" opinion all by herself.

(When the others got into a stalemate Sarah turned to Robin. "C'mon", she pleaded, "you know that the blond one was hotter. Just tell us which one you found prettier! And don't forget that this is my birthday party."

Robin laughed at the ribbing, played a bit hard to get, until she finally admitted. "I actually found the first one who died the prettiest." Sarah was already halfway through her victory dance, when Robin corrected her. "No, I don't mean the dude. I mean the first one. The girl with the pink purse."

Everything was silent for a moment.

Then Emma laughed. "You don't have to be jealous Robin", she consoled, "you are also very pretty."

"Yeah, especially after our makeover!"

Robin laughed and agreed and continued on as if her world just hadn't been turned on its axis. Because she knew that the stirring in her gut and the beating of her heart had nothing to do with jealousy. She didn't find the blond one hot or the brunet one cute. That was the first time she really knew it. She liked the girl.)

It was a bit funny the first time, even though she couldn't really join. It got less funny the more it went on. Suddenly boys was the only thing everyone wanted to talk about. And worse: it wasn't just unreachable famous boys like singers or actors anymore. Suddenly it was all "oh, Steve Harrington is sooooo cute" or "oh my god, Tommy Hagan had suuuuuuch a glowup" and "I want to lick the sweat of his body after basketball practice" (this last one was applicable to multiple different people, including Steve and Tommy. It was not applicable for Chrissy when she exited cheerleading practice or Beth after football.)

She thought it would get better when Emma finally confessed to her crush and they actually got together, but no. It somehow got worse. Because "normal boy talk" turned into "experienced boy talk", and Robin wasn't allowed to admit that the only thing that got wet when she thought of Billy Hargrove was her mouth, because he made her want to throw up.

At first she'd say that she didn't have crushes. After a while of people refusing to believe her (even if she was telling the truth! Sometimes.) she started pretending to be into Steve Harrington. Every girl had a crush on Steve, so it made sense that she'd been embarrassed to admit that she was just like everybody else. He was way too far above her league for her friends to force her to "confess" and she could stare without fear when he passed by in the halls with the beautiful Tammy Thompson in his arms. Truly, it was a brilliant plan. It didn't stop the boys talk, though.

So she became a tomboy. She joined football and she hung out with boys and she cut her long hair into a bob. She lost a bit of touch with Emma and Sarah and the others, but she tried not to think about it too much. Instead she threw herself into sports and started hanging out more and more with Matt, the second trumpet in band.

And that was that. Sometimes she missed wearing dresses, but it was a relief not to have her mother insisting she "do something about that hair" anymore. She and Matt became best friends. She even considered telling him for a while. Until he sat her down and confessed his feelings.

She tried to let him down as gently as possible, and they never talked again. The cycle would repeat for multiple times.

Someone out there is laughing their ass off because who would have thought that the dude she pretended to have a crush on would turn out to be the missing half of her soul?

It started out like always. She teased him, he laughed. They suffered through customer service together. He was funny and surprisingly in touch with his emotions and apparently babysat a bunch of middle schoolers, which was equally hilarious and adorable to watch. They both enjoy sports and they both hate Billy Hargrove with a passion and Robin is heartbroken because she knows she can't get attached. She has already been through this too many times to allow it to happen again. She gets close with a guy, they become best friends, he confesses, she can't reciprocate, they never talk again.

This is what is going to happen. She should already be used to it, but it still hurts. It's better for her to keep her distance. To encourage him to flirt with other girls, even if she can see that he mostly does it to amuse her.

And then they uncover an actual real life Russian spy network right beneath their place of work like some fucking blockbuster. And then they are pumped up with drugs and the next thing she knows is that they are both throwing up in a cinema bathroom.

And then it happens. Of course it happens.

He starts his little speech and her heart is already breaking. She surprises herself when she realizes how much she started enjoying Steve's company. He is a dingus, but she is also a dingus and they just fit.

She is already preparing her apology in her head (oh fuck work is going to be so awkward), but what comes out instead is what she wishes she could've said every time this happened. What she wished she could have said every time she got close to another person, every time her parents questioned if she finally found a boyfriend. Something she really tried not to feel ashamed of, but it was so fucking hard when you had to keep it hidden all the time.

(She remembers when she used to train in front of the mirror. She would stare at herself and repeat again and again "I am Robin Buckley and I am a lesbian. I am a lesbian. I am-")

She doesn't breathe as she waits for what she knows what comes next. What has to come next. There is a reason she never told anyone, always kept it hidden and to herself even if she wanted to scream it into the world. He will mock her and he will out her and he will be disgusted and-

"Tammy Thompson?!"

Instead they have girls talk. And Robin finally gets it.

#heteronormativity being like: every strong emotion you feel towards the other gender is romance #+ patriarchy being like: men are entitled to women #= robin suffering #</3 #fun fact i actually never had to invent a crush #like they questioned that i never seemed to be into anybody sometimes #but i always said it so vehemently and also outside of 'boys talk' that they just believed me after a while lol #but i know of multiple ppl who had to #robin stranger things #stranger things #steve harrington #robin buckley #pen.#stranger things drabble #robin buckley drabble #stobin #platonic with a capital p #platonic stobin #does this count as a character study?

724 notes · View notes

deadwooddross · 1 year

Photo

I was picking through old sketchbooks and it seems a shame that I only have 3 pages of Public Umami when I must have Hundred(s?) of pages of her elsewhere...so...here’s some select picks of some Oooolder art! Back before I really figured out her shape, and also she was a shapeshifter...She can’t really do that anymore*, but as per her sort of baseline/dubiously Canon setting she’s a thing I just call a tonsil beast- Huge spongy whale things who guard giant VR servers in the icy oceans of...Somewhere. As you can see, she’s pretty people shaped! What an oddball, better leave her with the people shaped locals *She does have dramatic shifts in weight based on how she’s doing tho, so that kinda counts right

#Umami #oddside #babie gooooorl i loooove youuuuuuu #i still love the tonsilbeastie look tho #gotta do something with that #as you can see her gender also went real *wobblesheet sfx* for a bit there until she decided on a STRONG SHE/HER

450 notes · View notes

martianbugsbunny · 6 months

Text

Midwife? Nah babe he's a perfect 10

#I'm so sorry it is a horrible joke and almost certainly one that has been made before #I just couldn't help myself #bad jokes and bildad the shuhite are my twin passions #also I just love referring to crowley as wife it makes my world go round #hehe #the gender is strong with this one #good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #bildad the shuhite #also sorry to anyone who thought I was done bildad the shuhite-posting that may never truly happen #she's in my brain now and there is zero chance of him leaving #there is a bildad the shuhite zone #goats and aziraphale are allowed entrance to the zone but nothing else #martianbugsbunny does horrible jokes

149 notes · View notes

sourscratched · 27 days

Text

sometimes you make good life choices. and other times you spend hours making a silly little video about a frog in an offbook song

(⚠️ mild eye strain and rapid images in the middle just as a heads up ⚠️)

#off book #my gender is the little poison dart frog from this song if anyone’s wondering #i know i should have just taken a video recording and added subs like a normal person #but the imagery was too strong and i wanted to draw a colorful little frog so bad #and im also taking any excuse to procrastinate on my serious animatic lmao #will upload to youtube later for an easier viewing experience #off book podcast

86 notes · View notes

neoputo · 6 months

Text

saw someone say izzy's makeup in the calypso's bday episode was ugly... so what? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE UGLY! this is izzy's first time doing drag/painting his face. he didn't know what makeup is. god, he didn't even know it was an option! & ofc when you try doing something for the first time you're gonna be bad at it. guaranteed. & i guess john wee (who, btw, ATE that look) helped izzy out a bit, but probably only by suggesting some tips & tricks while izzy did the makeup himself—at least to me, he himself chose the colors, the shapes, etc. & he was so happy he could finally express himself in a way he didn't know was even possible yet he certainly needed.. ahhhh the power of drag!

#izzy hands #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #little rant bc i LOVE this show and how it's so openly gay and trans and drag and queer in general #also jim being proud of izzy bc they knows the guts it takes to express ur gender in a way that just feels right #esp when it comes to izzy who had acted like the tough guy throughout the entirety of s1 & now is starting to show his true self #a bit rushed and abrupt but still vulnerable and tender and strong as fuck

125 notes · View notes

swordsandsadness · 2 years

Text

Task force z really said Jason is strong AND smart we love an intellectual strongman

#also I love when they point out how STRONG Jason is #he’s a tank he could lift a tree and throw it #real gender vibes from this one lads #task force z spoilers #task force z 7 #jason todd #red hood #Batman #batfam #batfamily #victor zsasz #my post #task force z

2K notes · View notes

cloudcountry · 4 months

Text

it really sucks when people are in such desperation to make characters lgbt that they end up enforcing the very gender roles the lgbt community wants to break so bad.

#auburn's rambles <3 #like you guys misunderstood the assignment i think.#we're not supposed to be headcanoning “feminine” characters as transfem thats . literally shoving them in a box #in which they cannot express their gender identity freely #same goes for “masculine” characters as transmasc #in doing that youre saying women cannot be strong and gruff and exhibit traditionally masculine traits while also embracing feminity #PLEASE.//...././/. YOURE DOING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE NEED.

44 notes · View notes

triptychgardener · 1 year

Note

In regards to that harleycrockerbert post, there’s something about how homestucks first real flash is there to describe the weirdly desolate, isolating feeling of the suburbs, with the audio of wind whipping down the street with chimes. I feel like that was meant to be a bigger theme somehow but got dropped

YES, EXACTLY! Like, that flash is the literal title card for Homestuck! It's notable that, whenever we see June/Jane's neighborhood, there's almost no one around. Just row upon row of near-identical houses, and besides from one possible neighbor, there is absolutely no "community" that exists there. All the kids, to one degree or another, grow up in a place of physical isolation. Dave being stuck on the top floor of a huge apartment complex, Rose being sequestered out in the middle of the woods, Jade on her island, but June's isolation is that particular American Suburban Desolation that's captured perfectly: a neighborhood, ostensibly for people to live in, but completely devoid of life. Even small details allude to this particular interpretation: why the hell does Dad Egbert have to constantly take his car to get more baking supplies? It doesn't take him that long to get back, but it's clear that a car is necessary for getting around in the suburban sprawl. The sort of archetypal nature of the tire swing, attached to a single, scrappy tree in the front yard. The continuing use of "can hardly be considered to be a proper [] at all!" applied to what would be considered normal for a Proper American Suburban Family. I could go on! And this is a much bigger discussion, but isn't it interesting that the game "Sburb" mainly functions through building up an endless, tumorous growth of the same housing, over and over again? One might even say that the goal of the game is to create a Sburban Sprawl so overwhelming that it makes a whole new universe, which certainly has... implications for the world beyond. I'd need to do a thorough reading of like, the Epilogues to see if that's actually conveyed/dealt with, but these continuing motifs of the suburbs never really leave homestuck even as it becomes more fantastical. I do kind of wish there was more textual stuff in the comic that dealt with that, but I think Egbert (and a lot of the kids) in Homestuck proper lack the necessary context and introspection at the time to grapple with the world that came before.

#thats not even to mention the isolation encoded into the very society of the trolls by Lord English #who also kind of created the gender binary in the first place by forcing it on a species which as far as we know didnt have a particularly #strong binary gender system in the first place #basically it all comes back to it being caliborns fault #but i tend towards the concept of sburb as #well maybe not a malignant entity but certainly not a benevolent one #meta #i gotta come up with a family tag for these posts because i find the harleycrockerengbert family to have such a fascinating dynamic #and history #asks #archaicequilibrirum25 #lets go with #harleybert family shenanigans

351 notes · View notes

olive-garden-hoe · 7 months

Text

Man when 2012!Splinter said “you are who you choose to be, not what others made you” that really hit my little non-binary heart

80 notes · View notes

cosmichawk · 9 months

Text

so i finally caught up w/ recent news about winx reboot and decided to art dump all winx (or black circle) drawings i did. all of them r like... 8 months old? maybe more.

i have more but the rest r unfinished. prob gonna finish them just in time for 1st episode of the reboot lmao

#i was really surprised when i learned that these bitches will appear in the reboot #i thought it will be like 1st season reboot or smth #black circle is my fav antagonist group (not in just winx) actually #black circle? more like bestie circle lmao #ogron and duman still have their strong grip on me even after so many years of me seeing 4th season for the 1st time #gender envy from them both #also duman definitely fried some wires in my upstairs department #there is 0 other explanation as to why i feel about him the way i do :/#winx #winx club #duman #ogron #winx duman #winx ogron #artists on tumblr #digital artwork #ch - art

82 notes · View notes

gonnaeatyourgirlfriend · 1 month

Text

me: i'm feeling so very nonbinary. huh what if i'm not even genderfluid, but nonbinary and i just-

*sees two men holding hands*

OH MY GAY HEART YEARNS FOR ANOTHER MAN

#-> turned to a man #sometimes because i feel a gender (id) so strong and i can't relate to the other ones and i go #/0\ what if i'm not genderfluid?!#<- bitchboy please stop thinking #i've had this happen to me soooo many times #and i still question it at times #dumb. dumb. never learns. dumb.#genderfluid #nonbinary #trans man #transmasc #transgender #transtuff #also yea i.... yearn.......goodbye

48 notes · View notes

comradekatara · 1 year

Text

I feel like I see ppl say that ozai is dumb (and I totally get why, because he’s extremely shallow to the point of looking downright foolish) but honestly..... is he?? is ozai dumb, is zhao dumb, is zuko dumb, or all they all just men from the fire nation who were taught to embody a certain aggressive, active, prideful, impulsive, violent, reckless, singleminded mode of masculinity that praised them for certain behaviors and virtues such as strength and power and condemned any man who didn’t align with these values?

ozai is smart enough to seize and maintain power over the fire nation, which is his life’s primary goal. zhao is smart enough to invade the north pole, which was impenetrable for the past century of war, and while destroying the moon obviously is not a sensible thing to do, it does carry out his intended effect, which is to debilitate his enemies and demonstrate the sheer force of his power.

zhao’s lack of accounting for the spirits can be attributed directly to the fact that a key aspect of fire nation propaganda is denying spiritualism to the point where he finds iroh silly for respecting their status in the ecosystem whatsoever. he’s not unintelligent, he’s just ignorant due to his cultural upbringing. of course he has massive blindspots, he was fed fire nation propaganda his whole life, but he would never have risen through the ranks of the fire navy just through ozai’s favor alone.

furthermore, the idea that ozai’s reliance on the women in his family to do his dirty work (ursa killing azulon, azula capturing zuko & iroh and taking ba sing se) is a sign of weakness doesn’t actually hold water. if anything, ozai using women for his own ends and then discarding them once they are no longer useful to him demonstrates his strength as a patriarch.

additionally, the way he banishes zuko by giving him an impossible quest with the promise of return on its completion incentivizes zuko to remain loyal to his nation and his father, instead of simply banishing him with no hope of return, at which point zuko would have nothing to lose in attempting to usurp ozai, which is clearly an anxiety for ozai considering that zuko was banished for threatening treason in the first place. (and note that zuko only does resist ozai once he returns to the fire nation, something azula orchestrated without ozai’s approval. if zuko had stayed in ba sing se as a fugitive it is highly unlikely that he would have ever participated in the avatar’s revolution, but azula wanted her brother to come back home and found a way to make it so.)

ozai is very good at manipulating people, he is a very powerful firebender (think of the way he is able to summon lightning instantly, underground, moments after an eclipse is over, without any sort of warning), and he was very close to winning the war for good only six years into his reign. he is myopic, shallow, egotistical, and generally wrong about many things, but that doesn’t actually make him dumb.

i think he mostly seems dumb because when put next to azula (or iroh, or ursa), he is far less subtle in his intellect. azula is shrewd, calculating, clever, and far less image-obsessed than ozai is. she is completely willing to sublimate herself for the sake of serving her empire, whereas ozai is the empire and therefore must project absolute power at all times. zuko, especially in book 1, is far more like ozai than azula is, which is what makes azula such a threatening villain: the fact that she is a girl is crucial to her character. so many of her traits that make her so much more threatening than anyone else in positions of power throughout the show are directly born out of the fact that despite being raised on the same values, she was socialized differently.

her feminine behaviors and the expectations placed on her as a girl are what make so her anomalous among the myopic, egotistical, prideful, power-hungry fire nation military. she doesn’t care as much about projecting power, so she’s able to get rid of her fancy fleet and recruit mai and ty lee, she’s able to disguise herself to enter ba sing se instead of laying siege to it and successfully takes it over when iroh could not after nearly two years. she does not rely on brute force, but rather “feminine qualities” such as manipulation, calculation, and subterfuge. same goes for mai and ty lee, hence why they are also so powerful despite merely being two non-bending teenage girls. by not being forced into performing those restrictive masculine behaviors, she is able to beat the men at their own game.

similarly, ursa uses poison to kill azulon, an act she does for the benefit of the men in her family (ozai and zuko), through a traditionally feminine weapon. a fire nation man would never think to poison their enemy because that is not how men kill other men. but use a woman as a proxy, and this becomes a sufficiently masculine act through the way in which the man exerts his power over a woman.

iroh uses brute force and projection of power as his primary tactics before his reckoning (see his siege on ba sing se), and manipulation, scheming, disguise, and sublimation to achieve his ends only after he has unlearned fire nation propaganda and gained a broader perspective. sokka is similar in this regard, in that it takes him learning feminine strategies from women warriors (the kyoshi warriors technique is about using their opponents’ force against them) to understand that he needs to prioritize his intellect over brute force if he ever intends to win a single fight. zuko’s blue spirit persona demonstrates his capabilities for being smart in battle, but when he is not inhabiting the blue spirit (his mother’s values), he is channeling ozai, and thus loses fights due to his aggression and impulsivity, which is always used against him.

zuko’s growth involves him improving as a fighter when he sheds the fire nation model of masculinity that values blind rage and aggression, and instead embraces the feminine values of warmth, healing, gentleness, and understanding, which allows him to go toe to toe with azula as someone who has internalized feminine values by virtue of being born a girl: being calculating and precise instead of powerful, manipulative and scheming instead of blunt, and patient instead of impulsive. the final agni kai sees azula prioritizing sheer power as she suffers a nervous breakdown, which zuko and katara are able to use against her in a way that they otherwise could not since she is uniquely impulsive and reckless in this fight (although she is still able to strategize as shown when she points her lightning at katara instead of zuko).

the reason azula seems so much smarter than ozai is because she wasn’t raised to prioritize her own ego above everything else; no, she was raised as a girl, and this social disadvantage also proves to be her greatest strength. the reason iroh seems so much smarter than ozai is because he is willing to embrace multiple ideas about the world, instead of just one. to his credit, ozai is very good at implementing his idea; it’s just that said idea sucks. ozai isn’t dumb, he just has an incredibly limited perspective. he’s great at what he does, which is projecting power. but he has no reason to do anything else, so we really shouldn’t expect him to.

ozai isn’t stupid, he’s just wrong. and yes, there is a difference.

#analysis #hot takes #ozai #azula #zhao #iroh #zuko #wrote this whole thing in a frenzy last night after I saw someone call ozai a dumbass lmao #I mean he is a dumbass but he’s also way smarter and more powerful than I think we want to give him credit for #it’s not his fault his life’s single goal happens to seem very stupid to us #but yeah azulas entire character would simply not work if she wasn’t a girl lol like her gender is so integral to her character #and why every girl in avatar is a better fighter than the big strong powerful masculine men who fight using brute force #toph beats boulder. etc

391 notes · View notes

acowardinmordor · 9 months

Text

My brain won't shut up about this, so maybe if I write it my brain will let me finish working and get this massive work project off my plate.

Warning for Accidental Drunken Pregnancy

Fandom loves, correctly, the idea of Girl!Steve Harrington, either as an 'always a' or trans, we're a fan. And that's good. No arguments from me there.

But I was thinking about Always a Girl Eddie. And the impact that would have. Because see, Eddie is already Wrong in a lot of ways. She's poor, she's loud, she's a freak, she sells drugs, and starts shit with bullies. She's too much in every way, and she refuses to be a girl properly. Has ever since she was old enough to express an opinion.

She didn't want to play with dolls or play house. She wanted to run through the park chasing dragons. When her parents fought, she wanted to run away and get found by the Addams family where no one would be mad at her for liking black and reading about blood and fights and monsters.

By the time she's in high school, everyone's decided she's a lesbian. She isn't. She thinks she isn't, but she doesn't get a chance to try or test or find out before the whole damn town has made it Known. Eddie doesn't wear skirts, and she doesn't style her hair, and she doesn't listen when the counselor sits her down to talk about her behavior and how she needs to try to be a bit more like other girls if she wants to get married one day. That's her junior year, which is when she snaps and, true or not, goes on a rant about being a carpet munching butch who never wants to have a husband.

Her friends don't care. They've talked to her and agree its all bullshit. Her only regret about it is that her outburst becomes fodder for the kind of bias that makes her fail two classes her senior year. It makes her fail four her second time around. PE is one of them. The teacher won't let her participate if she isn't 'dressed appropriately' which suddenly requires that all the girls have their legs shaved. Surprise surprise, Eddie is the only one that has an impact on. Wayne gets into a shouting match over it, and he wins, but not in time for Eddie to pass.

And every time someone pushes her to be more ladylike, Eddie doubles down on being a freak because she's a lot of things, but she's not a quitter. The one good she knows she manages is that barely any other girls in Hawkins get bullied all that much. Eddie pulls too much attention, and Eddie is so far off the end of the scale, it makes the minor mistakes easy to ignore.

All her friends are guys because the girls of Hawkins are scared of the witch/lesbian/succubus/whatever bs they came up with this week. There are some girls who Eddie thinks want to come talk to her, thinks she'd be friends with if she could, but any girl willingly hanging around the Freak is going to get painted with the same brush.

She showed up to every single class in her third go around, daring her teachers to fail her again when she was getting perfect scores on anything with a straight answer, and doing so well on the subjective stuff they were giving her passing grades. She had a new flock of sheep who didn't care about the rumors because she ran Hellfire for them.

After Spring Break, after they accuse her of seducing and murdering Chrissy, after Eddie walks into Mordor and is dragged out the other side. After Eddie gives everything she has for a town that hates her, the school gives her the diploma. Maybe its just because they're terrified that she'll come back for a fourth try if they don't, but she has the damn thing.

Or maybe they don't want the new freshmen to start crying when they see her scars.

After the hospital lets them all leave, and after El and Will do whatever it is they do and promise it's over for real this time, Robin, Eddie, and Harrington sit around and watch crap movies and talk. It's still June when Robin comes out to her, and Eddie has to awkwardly explain that she isn't. Supportive, in favor of it, but not sure if she's like Robin.

"But everyone heard about what you said to--"

"Yeah, she was telling me I should start curling my hair and wearing makeup so I could find a husband."

"She did not."

"Yeah. I kinda snapped."

A few minutes tearing apart that kind of thinking later, and Steve asks, "So you like dudes?"

Eddie shrugs, because she's never tested that either. A bit of leftover enmity from when he was the King and she was the Freak keeps her from admitting she's a virgin. Instead she gestures to her face and neck, the part of her chest visible around her tank top.

"Don't think that's going to matter, Stevie, not now that I look like the Wicked Witch midway through melting."

There's nothing either of them can say about that. Between her status as a murder suspect, the infection from Upside Down dirt, and how efficient the demo bat fuckers were, her scars are ugly. Not the sort of thing she's read in books that a hero learns to take pride in. Just a mess. Her smile is jacked up on the left, and while she does have both of her nipples, the one boob is significantly smaller, and lumpier than the other now.

But they're friends, and its nice. Robin didn't find a fellow lesbian, but Eddie can understand the way she feels, and they bond over it. Where Robin goes, so goes Steve, so intentional or not, Eddie and Steve get close. Help each other with scar cream type close. It would be weird if there was any universe in which Steve would ever be interested in her. Instead they're good friends, and co-conspirators against the gremlins.

Robin is starting college in the spring semester in Chicago. Steve is going with her. Obviously. Eddie hasn't agreed to anything, but she's considering it.

They have one last party at Harrington's place. The kids leave around seven. The Hellfire guys leave around nine. By eleven, all three of them are plastered, and Robin is lamenting that she's leaving Hawkins and still hasn't kissed a girl. Eddie rolls her eyes and smacks one on her. Get it over and done with, right?

After an hour of Robin flustered and babbling about 'yes, yes, yeah, I do like girls! Kissing! Kissing girls is great! Steve! Steve-o! Did you know kissing girls is great?" she passes out on the couch.

Steve and Eddie, just sober enough to know that they're all going to be hungover in the morning, close blinds and lock doors. They leave water and asprin by Robin, then chug down a glass each.

"So, did it help you figure it out? Kissing my Soulmate with a capital P? Did you figure out if you like kissing girls more than guys?"

Eddie giggles instead of answering.

"I know Rob's not kissed anyone, but if you liked kissing her you probably could tell, right? So if you liked kissing her as much as you like kissing guys, or if its not like kissing guys, then you know!"

Steve's not a dumb as the kids joke. When Eddie doesn't answer, he puts it together. "Oh. Oh shit. Eds. You and Robin were each others' first kisses? Thats so -- you didn't have to do that! And now you don't know if you like kissing girls or guys or both or neither or -- Oh!"

Eddie watches Steve come to his decision and turn, and she decides to let it happen. Steve is the only guy her age who doesn't wince looking at her face. This is probably the only chance she's got until she's old enough her skin gets all wrinkly and no one can see the scars are there anymore.

It's better than kissing Robin. There's a lot of reasons why that might be true, but none of them matter, because after that first one. After a few seconds pause. After she leans a little closer like she's asking, they don't stop.

She wakes up naked and sore, with a blinding headache and the tight-skin pain that comes from forgetting the scar cream.

Awkward doesn't cover it when they look at each other in bed. When Robin trips on her way to make coffee, it gives them an excuse not to talk about it. It's bad enough that Eddie keeps thinking about it, and excavating the fragments of memory she's got. Probably the only chance she's going to get, and she remembers barely half. She does remember liking it, and Steve liking it, and neither of them being weird about the scars because they've been helping each other with them for months now.

Once they're sober enough for it, they talk, both of them apologizing, but not really. Neither of them regret it, even if it wasn't their best idea, and Eddie starts quoting Robin's rant about antiquated concepts of virginity when Steve tries to apologize for that. It's definitely weird, but they're not going to freak out about it.

By Wednesday, when Steve and Rob are loading up the beemer to drive north before the holidays, so they could get a place with a rental discount, everyone turns out to say bye. Eddie winks at Robin again, because it still makes her blush, and it still makes Eddie and Steve laugh when she does. She gives Steve a hug, and a promise to make a decision soon about moving up with them.

Six weeks of scheduled phone calls with them, and uncomfortable talks with Wayne, Eddie has finally, finally decided to go for it. She'll still be a freak, but according to Steve, no one in the city will bother her about it unless she asks them to. He's working at a diner, and swears the bookstore across the street will totally hire Eddie if she applies. Robin loves her classes, and her part time hours at the library on campus.

It's while Eddie is looking around and opening drawers, trying to plan how to move with more detail than 'throw stuff in the van' that she notices. There's a box of pads, mostly empty, in the corner of the bathroom cabinet. It's been mostly empty since November. And yeah, her period has never been predictable, and this isn't the longest its gone, and Eddie has never cared since she wears black all the time -- but. This time she had sex.

The odds are tiny, and the image of it is ridiculous. Eddie isn't any kind of a mom. Harrington is more a mom than she is. Anyway, all that shit in sex ed about it only takes once is crap. And she remembers Steve getting out the box of condoms. She doesn't remember anything between that and getting fucked, but she definitely remembers how concerned he was about opening the foil. So there's no way. No chance. Absolutely none.

The test comes back positive, and the nurse at the planed parenthood in Indianapolis asks if she wants to hear about her options.

It's pretty easy to choose as it turns out. Easier than quitting smoking cold turkey is for sure. Hell of a lot easier than telling Wayne. It's not something she ever wanted, ever thought about or considered, but Eddie knows this is the only chance she's got. Well. Sperm donors maybe, not that she'll ever have the money for it, unless she paid a guy to keep coming around until she got knocked up.

At first, she keeps it quiet because the nurse told her about the potential problems, especially with how much Eddie drank and smoked. It's not certain, so she stays quiet. Stalls the topic of moving up. She waits an entire day for the doctor to slip her in between appointments to get an ultrasound and check. Everything looks good. Healthy. and Eddie gets on their weekly scheduled call, hears Robin and Steve laughing as they tell stories, and Eddie breaks it to them.

"What do you mean? You said you were going to move up here. I thought you said you -- Eds, what the hell? You're going to leave me alone to watch Robin's attempts at flirting? You - I thought you promised."

"Excuse you, Dingus, she needs to come up so we can watch your attempts at flirting. I'm great."

"Fun as that sounds, me and Wayne are getting out of Hawkins. Wayne has some family in West Virginia, and I can't leave him at the mercy of all those spinsters. I'll still have a phone, you know."

They move before she's showing, and Wayne never asks, and Eddie never tells, but her uncle knows who it has to be. They land in Summersville, which is a damn lie since its a blizzard when they arrive. It isn't hard to use moving as an excuse to cancel a few phone calls. Then uses a boss moving her hours working at motel as an excuse when hormones means she knows she'll start sobbing if she gets picks up the phone.

Steve gets accepted to a community college. Robin aces her exams. Eddie finds out she's having a girl. She wouldn't have spent the money to find out since it wouldn't change anything, but the planned parenthood was still worried because of the alcohol at the start.

Wayne brings it up. Eddie considers it.

Steve gets a girlfriend. Eddie stalls.

Robin calls solo because Steve is on a one month anniversary date.

Eddie abandons the idea.

She never makes a choice to hide it from anybody. It's always one moment at a time, needing to get through one more thing, one more problem, one more checkpoint, then she could say it. By the end of July it's been too long, and it would be too weird. They didn't have some great tragic romance. They were good friends who got drunk one night. And Eddie is just living up to the warnings all the guidance counselors scribbled down about her.

She's never going to be anything special. She's not going to go chase her dreams and become the Joan Jett of metal music. She's coming up on eight months pregnant, can't hide it or pretend its something it isn't. She's still loud and obnoxious. She still wears all black and chained pants and refuses to style her hair in anything more complex than a ponytail. She's still mauled by monsters and scarred.

She's never going to be marriage material, and never wanted to be anyway. She can be a good mom though. Not a normal mom. Or a traditional one. She's probably going to end up punching someone at a pta meeting. But she can be a good mom for her daughter, whoever her daughter wants to be as she grows. And if that means she has to learn about ballet and glitter and my little pony, then she will.

Steve and Robin ask about a visit before their classes start since they'll have to do calls every other week now. They offer to drive to West Virginia, or buy Eddie a bus ticket. Eddie manages to dodge that bullet.

She dodges another when she starts contractions while on the phone with them, and plays it off like she has heartburn. She cries when she holds her daughter thirty hours later, smiling broad enough that the scars on her face hurt nearly as bad as the rest of her.

She gets good at sewing together a patchwork lie. Gets Wayne to take Lulu out for a walk during calls. Swallows the guilt when Steve talks about his girlfriend, Amy, who wants to have kids. Stares down the pediatrician who raises an eyebrow at her daughter's name.

It's awful. It's wonderful. It hurts more to do it alone than Eddie could have imagined, but she still can't bring herself to say it. Not because she thinks Steve would hate her for it . He wouldn't. One look at Stephanie Luthien Munson -- Lulu -- and Steve would know. And Steve would stay. And Steve would give up his classes and his girlfriend and his hope for his perfect family. Eddie has always known she's not what anyone is looking for.

So Eddie gets good at dodging questions, and explaining away noises in the background, and finding very reasonable excuses not to come out to visit. Very good at it.

She makes it to June of 1989, when her best friends decide it's been too long, and show up for a surprise visit.

Eddie was right though. It only takes a glance at the toddler on Eddie's hip as she opens the door for both of them to know.

#Female Eddie Munson #apparently #this is neither the thing I wanted to be writing (FTB)#nor the thing I needed to be writing (Massive Spreadsheet)#so file complaints with whatever muse popped in with this infection #and if its your muse who did this to me #come collect them #I do have strong feelings about Eddie as a girl though #bc the extra layer of societal expectations she would flip off?#the layer of predatory lesbian they'd paint her with #also im pretty sure this Eddie's gender is “Why does everyone care so much?”#and her sexuality is somewhere on the ace spectrum #Accidental Pregnancy #Pregnancy

85 notes · View notes