#actually some kids like me
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i work with kindergartners a lot and they are so ruthless. I was talking to one about their project and they look at me and say “You have really big eyes. They match your nose. And those red dots” Okay you little twat you look like a bug dipped in vinegar and your nose is running a river but i didn’t tell you that, did i?
#kids man#they’re kind of dumb#and mean#and scary#i’m scared of them#detrimentally frightened#xoxo#they hate me#lmaoaoaoao#no they don’t#actually some kids like me#a lot of them do#like danny#he likes me#and alexa and addie and maddie and abby#it’s just freaking hazel#hazel hates me#frick you hazel#wipe your nose#addie cooks up
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Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :
Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources
Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)
Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women
Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women
Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)
Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)
Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community
Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS
Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough
Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media
Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards
Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories
Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")
And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue
Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)
#Also I'm saying this as someone who actually watched quite a few of Somerton's videos#And noticed those patterns and stopped watching bc I recognised them from here#and had already learned to unlearn them after being so exposed to them here#And tbh I think anyone who hasn't had the luck or made the conscious choice to seek out ppl who pushed against those narratives#Would absolutely have fallen for this man's bullshit. Like let's not kid ourselves we see takes like this every day on this hellsite#2014 me would have. For sure.#This is next to the plagiarism issue which as Harris points out is an Internet wide issue and this includes tumblr#James Somerton#hbomberguy#todd in the shadows#This brought to you by a conversation with my wife yesterday#So many ppl on here don't deserve to meme or be this self absolvingly critical of this man#The call is coming from inside the house#The man has a tumblr it would legit not surprise me if some of the things he supposedly made up himself he did actually get from somewhere#And that somewhere was a tumblr post
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high school theater is so funny cus like. one year you can have the most cunt wrenching performance of Phantom Of The Opera ever brought to life by 17 year olds and the next year. a really mediocre rendition of Seussical The Musical.
#was in theater crew for like 5 months and worked on some sets before I quit and let me tell you.#actually criminal that they dont pay those kids <- no I really mean it#was also in pit orchestra and my GOD. fun but christ alive theater kids could never match a tempo it was torture
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this is basically what happened, right?
(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#these two are SO sleazy and i am utterly delighted by them#can't wait to find out their tragic backstory in approximately 3-4 weeks!#fortunately i have like a month to figure out how the heck to draw their hair (spoiler: i will never figure it out)#also. god. i love it whenever leona accidentally reveals his Mom Side.#he doesn't care about any of this but he WILL be tagging along to make sure no one else gets into trouble#once again he has to be the Responsible Adult and he hates it. the whimsical hat weighs heavy upon his head.#anyway this is me so excuse me while i now talk about diasomnia for three hours#but lilia being all 'kids gotta have some adventure in their lives!' is hilarious#specifically because you know silver would NEVER.#100% silver not only never snuck out but he always went to bed on time AND brushed his teeth AND flossed even when nobody made him.#lilia: aww but you should be enjoying your youth! >:c#silver: i am. i enjoy being respectful and disciplined and honoring you as my father.#lilia:#lilia: maybe i'm TOO good at raising kids#you know i was going to say none of his kids would be involved in this but i actually think malleus definitely would#he would not see it as a moral quandry though. he would just be excited to be invited along.#(the only reason he isn't there is because he was busy admiring a termite-infested beam somewhere and yuu didn't get a chance to ask him)#i mean MAYBE if lilia as his single authority figure told him no then he would have some reservations#but lilia's the one who's screaming HELL YEAH LET'S SNEAK OUT AND DEFY AUTHORITY while dabbing so moot point there#sebek would never and he would rat on everyone else. unless malleus is going in which case he's already there.#and i guess if everyone else is going silver probably would too#but he'd. y'know. feel conflicted about it.
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love fics where Danny ends up in the DC universe & every alarm goes off at once & the magic users are like "yeah that's the most powerful being in the universe & also possibly super evil we are FUCKED fucked" & the Justice League is freaking tf out trying to find this thing that casually tore a hole in reality & it just cuts to Danny (Fenton) standing in the background blissfully unaware & like "man my life sucks but at least i have this candy bar—" *drops it in a puddle*
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dp x dc#sorry it's 7am i havent slept & all i can think about is dp shit#so a normal day for me basically#you know that ''oh hes fucked up actually'' meme?#i like to view Danny as that but opposite. ''oh he's normal actually''#i think that is underutilized. Danny just being some kid#his life is insane & he has superpowers & is half dead & his parents are ghost hunters & his house is a lab#but underneath it all he really is just some kid#okay so this has gotten almost 300 notes in less than 12 hours so i need to say something#Danny being a little bit pathetic is key here#the others can view him as some super powerful god king. he can even look like it. but he HAS to be a little pathetic & even a bit stupid#he HAS to accidentally drop that candy bar & it HAS to land directly in some dirty street puddle#& he has to stand there for a minute just staring at it before picking it up phasing the water off & sighing so dejectedly#it rattles his lungs like he's about to cry & then he eats it anyways because that boy will eat anything#& all he had with him when he fell through that stupid portal was this candy bar Tucker threw at his head 2 seconds prior#so really he doesn't have anything else to eat at the moment#& then Batman is there#whipping the adoption papers out of his cape & choking out ''god i can't NOT adopt him'' or whatever
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oh ok so its the usual no-homo bullshit you always hear, good to know.
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#nandermo#look im a reasonable guy#i dont get worked up easily and ive been around writers rooms and understand the pressures of writing a big show like wwdits#hell i even liked season 4#but this has got to be one of the most offensive bs ive read that wasnt from 2015#‘its only a small (but vocal) amount of people that actually want to see them together’#‘their love isnt ~s*xual~ they dont need to kiss its more ~profound~ than that’#‘you don’t REALLY want to see them together! (thats gross!)’#also ‘the power dynamic is ~problematic~’??? are you kidding me???#jfc its like someone literally got this out of the queerbating handbook from 2010#and like yeah i know wwdits isnt queerbating but its queerness feels more performative when it treats an actual central relationship#like its a gross kinkything only a few freaks on the internet want#instead of a legitimate plausible story that deserves exploration#nandermo should be a triumph - a victory for the characters and something the writers should be pleased with writing#not…this.#like it’s some problem pressured reluctantly upon them that needs to be carefully defused#this has left a bad taste in my mouth
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Something other about his eyes
Bonus! Based on this quick thing I did this afternoon and the idea took a bit more shape and turned into that thing from above uEK
#not too much effort on the colors with this one#o would’ve left it just with lineart but at the end I thought it would look nicer with some rough shadows#shadowing. you know what I meant.#his plant markings being extremely faint on his eyes when they aren’t glowing is very true to me also#I think itd be awesome if Vash’s eyes would just look like that when he isn’t masking#or they could be a bit more lax but still look like they are staring far far away into the void#or into your souls if you so happen to make eye contact with him. like woowoo over here#he is probably listening for one of his sisters who is not so close to him. maybe even Kni? who knows it’s up to interpretation#Vash’s hair can be such a nightmare also. I do not think of physics when drawing him whatsoever#I give him the Mickey Mouse ears treatment sometimes and some other I actually respect the fact that his hair will always be swept#to the right. if you haven’t noticed that yet. I think it’s way more noticeable on the 2d art#which is a nice touch! considering that’s the direction I’m which his haircut was when they were kids. isn’t that fun#anyways weird Vash for me once again and I’ll share a little with you. ah I’ll get to the requests later btw!#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#vash saverem#ah extra note. this is meant to be pre plant revelation. I think Vash would already know about what WW is there for since very early on#but about the plant thing he was still a little doubtful since he wouldn’t think Kni would disclose that information so easily.#so seeing that Nick has a very keen eye and is very observant kind of ticks him off even though he is just the same. so maybe that’s why#it ticks him in the first place. headcanons everywhere in this household
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"Okay everyone floor is lava in 10..."
children scatter across the in door park.
"9..."
some leap onto nearby benches. Others climb nearby trees.
"8...7..."
the nearby safe spots become too crowded. Some force their way in while others sprint for the only place with enough room for the remaining few. The water fountain.
"6...5..."
the fountain can hold them all but is far. The slow one's won't make it.
"3...2...1..."
Some of the strong ones carry the slowest. their kindness is their downfall.
"FLOOR IS LAVA!!"
the lava takes them.
"Okay everyone on the ground is out!"
*chorus of groaning*
"So we have, 1, 2, 3...8...11...wait. Everyone hold still for a sec." the human recounts the children. And then again. And again.
"Where's Piper?"
"She was running that way!"
"Yeah towards the field!"
"The field? But there's nothing to climb there.."
"Is the floor still lava!?!"
Out in the field is Piper, sitting on top of her other teacher Kim's shoulders.
"Piper your out, you know the rules. You can't ask someone to carry you when the floor is lava."
"I didn't carry her."
"Kim no fibbing. Kids don't like it when it comes to floor is lava."
"No really I didn't. She climbed me," the woman picks the girl off her and put her down "show them Piper."
The 7 year old smiles and goes behind Kim and then starts to climb. Using the adults calves as a step she boosts her other foot to Kim's hip and then latches onto her neck with her arms. From their she shimmies herself onto her teacher's shoulders. All while Kim keeps her arms to her sides.
"...how long has she been able to do this?"
"Since yesterday."
"That's really cool."
"I know, right?"
.
..
...
"Human Kim I'd like to ask you a question about...human children."
"Yeah sure, go ahead."
"So as you know I am courting Morgan, who has 2 children, and I was wondering if it's normal for them at their age to not be able to climb me or him?"
"Climb you?"
"Yes, like that human child with blonde hair. Harrison is about her age yet he can't climb us like she can climb you."
"...Ohhh, yeah that's not a normal thing."
"Really?? But she does it with such ease and you look so, so, used to it. As if it was normal behavior."
"Piper is incredibly flexible and strong for her age, and while yes I am used to it that's because I'm used to kids climbing me while I'm sitting or helping them."
"So human children do climb their caretakers?"
"Yes."
"But Piper's climbing is not normal?"
"...yes. Wait. Hold on...So human children do climb on their family members but most of them can't climb to an adult's shoulders like that without help. Only a few like Piper are strong enough to do that."
"Ah. So I should not be concerned that Morgan's children can't do that?"
"No, you should not."
"Okay then. Humans are strange."
"That they are!"
#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#humans in space#the adventures of kim and max running a space child care centre#I was talking to some other kids at work and slowly noticed that 'Piper' was climbing me#and was actually doing a great job at it#the child climbed onto my shoulders like it was nothing#in like 15 seconds she was up there#i have no idea why she thought of climbing me but she did and was determined to get up there#i'm not tall but still it's impressive cause there's a 12inch difference between us
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summer '93
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#AUverse#kelly#dhestyn#something came over me when i made these man#i don't know#AUverse is the new tag for all of my miniAUs btw. so it encompasses multiple AUs#this one is what i'm currently calling the 90sAU (ideally it will have a real name eventually. it just. doesn't yet)#uh i have a confession which is that i haven't actually written anything for this particular AU yet#like. not even bullet points or anything#but i am completely obsessed with it#something about the boys traveling around in their lil van is just so fun to me#i love the idea of kel just being some punk ass kid who ran away from home#& dhes sees him on the side of the road one day & is like. oh. yea. that one's cute. sure. i'll pick him up.#& they literally just travel the states together#like originally dhes was only gonna drive him to this one concert in a nearby city but#since they had a few days to spare dhes convinced kel to let him take him on a small detour & go sight seeing#& they ended up having a lot of fun!!!#i haven't decided for sure yet but i think they're like... 19 or 20 in this AU#i'll figure out the details once i actually start writing it though
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councilor 3D model
i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him
[link]
please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)
currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.
#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild#have fun playing toys with him#ultrakill#councilor#councilor ultrakill#3d stuff#obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on#so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks#(like obviously the wings & halo)#(but also the chestplate design)#but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces?#i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored#i had to add them#to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff-#i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result#but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!!#gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but#i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this#i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project#and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going#(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress)#this was like 1 entire month in the making#but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost#so thank you guys for liking it <3#i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head#but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe
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Gift (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Second go around! Maybe he can talk about it with the one who actually got the scarf!#Or not haha - better to just let some things lie#Though ♪ Of course Papyrus would recognize Gaster's efforts ♥ His emotional intelligence hhhh <3#He knows everything there was Gaster's initially and so reading between the lines of Gaster telling him he can have it#It's a gift! Properly! That deserves praise!! Good job you did something nice!#I also deeply love when Gaster is first pulled back out how one of his first little smiles is at Papyrus being silly#Gaster is also very prideful! It's cute to see his son being self-aggrandizing in that kid way! Seeing him enjoy it is so nice ;;#Also I know that Papyrus is still shorter than Gaster I just really like the idea of him being almost his dad's height ;;#He's so grown up now! He's grown into such a beautiful adult <3#It does make sense that he's still shorter considering the whole ''torn in half'' thing ahh#Maybe Gaster is leaning down just let me have this lol#I also ended up doing a lot of digital reconstruction on this one!#Especially panels 2 through 4 - I actually pulled out my tablet to draw in the bits that got cut off by the surrounding doodles#I wasn't as careful with my spacing with these oops :P But I think they turned out pretty style-matched :)#Cute lads happy <3
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Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.
His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).
Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt headcanons#am I looking too much into things? almost assuredly yes#I actually appreciate how tim immediately goes ‘it’s not your fault’ as well? like he could’ve just blamed this 15/16 year old but he didn’t#but yeah this moment got to me a little mainly because it made me realize that Leo…DOES take responsibility for things a lot#he messes up a ton yeah but he says sorry at a pretty consistent rate#and y’know thinking about it#THIS IS TINFOIL HAT TERRITORY BE WARNED#he’s mentioned being betrayed by his brothers before - I wonder if it was something as simple as taking the fall for like#breaking something of Splinters or whatever#point is it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to get the full blame for something only partially his fault#or not his fault at all in some cases#like in bug busters where Raph gets mad at Leo for not getting captured with them#(I understand Raph’s mindset here a ton - Raph’s the leader and he’s likely lashing out so I don’t blame the poor kid)#but this plus the moment at the beginning of the movie#where only Leo is reprimanded despite Mikey and Donnie having full autonomy to join the fun pizza stacking#make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed#I think that “it’s not about you” doesn’t just pertain to being arrogant and wanting the spotlight#I think it’s also about how responsibility is meant to be shared#and like#Leo DOES mess up a lot! so he’s honestly probably used to having the blame because it is often at least somewhat warranted#he’s specifically described as being good at apologizing after all#tldr: Leo messes up a lot of the time so he is very used to blame and attention both good and bad#even when the full blame should not be solely on his shoulders
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Prompt 239
Y'know what I think would be hilarious for a DP and PJO crossover? Percy & co finally getting to Kronos, straight up ready for anything after they pass through magic and portal of green and-
There's the smell of cookies. Freshly baked cookies, a warm oven, something about it reminding them of home in this strange place of floating gears and ticking clocks.
And there's a long, serpentine tail twisting through the gears, twisting up and down and across in a size that could hides yet reveals just how large this entity is. There's power soaking into every inch of this place, every centimeter nearly sending lightning up their legs with each step.
The ticking is getting stronger, a distant gonging of the hour echoing through a place that should feel cold and empty like the ringing of bells in the end of times.
And suddenly there's a kid- a teen like them, human yet not- with a cookie half in their mouth and hair flickering like the cosmos as they peer down from above them with a frown, eyes brighter than the sun yet darker than the moon.
"Oh great, what did my half-siblings do this Time?"
#prompts#dp x pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#danny fenton#clockwork#not ghost king danny#space core danny#All gods of time are part of Clockwork#DPxPJO#Clockwork is the primordial force of Time itself#CW has been waiting for Space to finally form its own Primordial and is cooing over Danny constantly#CW: You end up destroying *One* timeline and the kids who disowned themselves start freaking out#CW: smh at least I have my dear children who actually enjoy my company and baking#Jordan (Armageddon) Ellie (Infinity) Jazz (Mind): I mean what kind of timeline we talkin about#Sun Core Dan#Moon Core Dani#Ocean Core Jazz#Danny to Percy & Co: So there's a 50/50 chance you'll believe me but I feel like there's been some sort of misunderstanding here-
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Introducing to this jumbled up mess of a family: Lief! Hes actually already made his debut in a comic but he was easy to miss
Hes the stand in for Jades kid from @spjs fic Lost Opportunity which is so good ah, Jade is also their oc and I love her which is why shes here. I'm not gonna spoil anything more tho hehe
Well kind of. I have to explain the guy. I'll put it in the tags for those who wanna read the fic and figure out who Lief is standing in for lol.
Lief doesnt do much in the story up until the 3rd movies storyline, hes kind of just a fun silly guy in the background until then.
He's around the same age as Poppy, so they were in school together, he hangs out a lot with JD, but when JD isn't around he'll go bug Floyd or Branch. Floyd doesnt mind entertaining him but Branch has trouble since Lief is a massive klutz, so hes afraid he'll break something or hurt himself.
#my art#trolls#trolls oc#n2 au#dreamworks trolls#not the only one au#trolls branch#trolls john dory#trolls poppy#hes been rotating in my head for a fat sec#okay so originally i wasnt going to really add him in#but i realized i didnt know what to do for the 3rd movie plot in some areas#like it needed more substance#and if youre reading the tag youre okay with spoilers cuz this will spoil the fic#but Leif is JDs kid#he stands in for branch in that fic where jd is secretly branchs dad its written so well dude#youll find me in the comments lmao#but ye so i have leif taking tiny diamonds place as a tag along#and he actually has more purpose as part of the perfect family harmony#im not gonna like shoehorn him in in scenes where he wpuldnt fit#lile hes not in the reunion scene between clay and jd cuz hed take it ofer cuz at that point jd would know leif is his kid#which he doesnt for a while#so leif being there would take priority in johns brain so ge couldnt fully focus on the reunion#also i just realized im spelling his name wrong in the tags but whatever#lief leif its all the same rn you know who im talking about#but yeah he also hangs back during scenes like bruces reunion with branch and floyd#and clays reunion with branch and floyd#and theres a character reason for it im not just having him not acknowledge them for no reason#the biggest reason im including this subplot of jd secret child and stuff is because#jd and floyd coming back changes one of the biggest conflicts of the film and i needed to add it back ive reached the tag limit so expln l8r
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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I fully believe we haven't seen mk truly lose it on anyone yet--no not even when he fought azure or the curse--mk has always had control over what he's doing outside of accidental fumbles when hes first learning how to use his powers and I'd say he's almost more deadly when he's angry because so far being mad hasn't made him crazy or wild or out of control so far as I've observed being mad has only made him more focused
#knox rambles#monkie kid#lego monkie kid#mk monkie kid#IM JUST THINKING#angry mk? actually i think he knows exactly what hes doing he actively chooses to do what he does when hes mad#catch him upset or depressed then thats different#but mk angry? im convinced he could unleash his full power on someone and that flower in the ground next to them will remain untouched#who knows s 5 could prove me wrong but mk has some WILD control over himself when hes descructive on purpose it is pointed and controled#okay anyway i gotta hydrate GO HYDRATE#RHY I KNOW YOUVE SAID SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE I JUST WANTED TO ADD THE FOCUS THING#SOMETHUNG ABOUT MKS ANGER MAKING HIM SHARPER
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