A question for you/your followers what is going on with Hybe's new Japanese boy group? I saw they released a whole song and mv but I'm assuming it's some sort of precursor for a survival show since the song seems to be like that and they have a ridiculous amount of boys in that mv. Also for the sake of my sanity I'm hoping that &Audition isn't actually the group name. Plus it is really soon after lesserafim to be debuting a new group. All that aside if you did see the mv what did you think?

oh man i have no idea what's going on there. i think &audition is probably the name of the show/whatever the 'debut project' is, and i think the actual group is going to be called the howling? are survival type shows even a thing in japan? i know jo1 came from produce 101 japan but i have no idea if the shows themselves are popular. i have to assume there must be some demand for them because otherwise hybe wouldn't have made the choice to do it in the first place, but i also wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't a survival show per se and they went straight for more of a prep-for-supergroup type situation. i'm not overly familiar with jpop industry structures but bigass groups with smaller sub units seem much more common.

as far as the song and mv goes, yea it seems like a pretty typical competition type show theme song. there's nothing noteworthy about the mv, which is to be expected from hybe. there's no real visual hook other than naturalism and expensive production: exactly hybe's formula. so i'm not entirely sure how people are supposed to get invested in this from the mv, because there's nothing interesting or eyecatching about it.

I don’t know why I spent hours on doing this. I guess it’s a way to gain my interest back in The Sims again? This is sort of my first CC? Not really, I didn’t even make these music. All I did was convert stuff.

Anyways I got NO IDEA if anyone actually wants a custom playlist. But it’s here if someone needs it, so. Also do take note that all these custom music aren’t in Simlish (unless I got money and the agencies' contacts LMAO) and I had to spend time converting the mp3 files bitrates so that it will work properly in the game. I apologize if the music isn’t as loud as it’s game’s original music.

Spop really confuses me, at one point I thought maybe it’s their in-game version of Jpop, but it features HWASA in the later packs. So, I put out 3 options. Kpop, Jpop, or both.

For the Metal part uhhh, honestly wish I could add subgenres because Black Metal. Classic Heavy Metal, and Deathcore sound like a whole different fucking world. Well, I said fuck it and separate into bands that are more well-known/mainstream and lesser-known/not so mainstream bands here.  To simplify that metal part uhhh Mainstream bands are like Slipknot, Metallica, Poppy, idk any nu-metal bands with huuuuge fanbase really. Less Mainstream are more on either very classic or heavier side not like millions of fans ig, not something you’d hear on the radio.

Uhhh hope you enjoy my custom folders ig. I’d list all the songs and artists in here but it’s like 5am by the time I post this and I have not SLEPT.

TL;DR

Made folders with custom, trending music. 

Not in Simlish, they’re in Korean/Japanese/English/German sadly.

Comes in 3 types of folders for both Metal and Spop. Pick whatever.

The Spop combo (Jpop + Kpop together) folder is only available in GDrive because SFS hates big files. 

IMPORTANT!!!! PLEASE RENAME THE FOLDER TO EITHER “Metal” OR “Spop” AND PUT IT IN “C:\Users\Admin\Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4\Custom Music” OR A SIMILAR PATH TO YOUR CUSTOM MUSIC FOLDER IF YOU ARE NOT AN ADMIN!!!!

DOWNLOAD sfs | drive

i've actually been tagged/asked to "put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag 10 people!!" by more than one person :0 and after just the first one i was like 'eeeh i dunno', but now its like gosh i guess people are curious!

i knew it'd be something i'd have to think or be kinda insincerely selective about because even if I make sure not to list any touhou arranges (which is like 60-70% of all music i listen to lately >_>), i'd feel compelled to have a varied enough selection so i dont look like as huge a nerd as i am -_- But i probably won't be able to avoid that even now so whatever!! Here Goes, straight from either my phone, my spotify bookmarks, or youtube favourites 👂

Ghostboy - Robotaki · Claire Ridgely I heard this song once on a tumblr's autoplay like back 2016 and it just immediately captivated me since and has become a semi-regular thing i listen to. A surprising lot of these kind of bubbly low-energy songs i latched onto during that year or around there that i could probably just list five songs exactly like it

In Sympathy - Depeche Mode Not on any blog's autoplay but it was just linked there by chance on a blog i frequented in 2018ish and also latched onto this one... Compared to the one right above, this one has been less of a 'listen to in bed' song and more of a 'listen to on bus trips while staring mindlessly at the streets'. There is a distinction and it is arbitrary which songs feel more suited to which 😌

ELECTRICAL COMMUNICATION - GANASIA its the JP opening of Mega Man 8! 🤓 But i actually heard this song completely without that context first somehow and only found out later where it came from. Also not actually related but i think mm8 is fun and charming even if its apparently something of a black sheep among mega man games? Anyway the song is nice and also fills the exact same spot in my head as like, the first two initial D anime OPs as high energy 90s jpop that makes me nostalgic for a time even though i was a baby then

I FEEL LOVE - YUKIKA (im not yelling but i think full caps is how all these are meant to be spelled) i basically routinely switch between soul lady or feel special when im in the mood to let a whole kpop album play but im listing i feel love because i listened to it and the whole soul lady album just a little while ago as my aching body healed up and it filled me with energy and desire to go out and find joy (This would have been a bad idea because it hurt to move 😌)

and okay, one touhou arrange.

カフカなる群青へ (Into the ultramarine of Kafka) - Yuuhei Satellite even though its from 2012 i actually only first listened to it like last year as i was slowly made my way through this circle's older albums, but it kinda instantly and retroactively became a classic in my head and is prooooobably the wonderful heaven arrange i listen to most often now, competing with a bunch of sound holic/swing holic tracks.

i don't wanna tag anyone but im always kinda curious about what people might be listening to so... do whatever 🤪

actually in general i just think i have really uh, unsubtle tastes.

when i was a kid i used to just grab salt or sugar from the kitchen, pour it into my hand, and eat it. actually i still do that occasionally. why? because i want to eat salty food, and salt is salty. why go through the trouble of like, all those other flavors when what i want is the salt. or sugar. etc. no tolerance for bullshit i know what i'm here for and i'm not gonna be made to scrounge for it.

this is also how i feel about music. like there definitely is some "good" music that i like, but most of it is crap. the reason for that is that listening to hyper-manufactured pop, especially jpop and kpop (that don't even aim for a veneer of authenticity), is a lot like eating salt out of my hand. it's just trying to be exactly one thing, its ruthlessly optimized for it, and that's all i give a shit about. i don't care about artist expression or whatever, i want to listen to noises with a particular mood and look at this, here's some noises with a particular mood.

for jpop that mood is like "triumphant", i guess. for military marches it's "fuck you i'm strong", whatever. i don't care about the source, i don't care about the "meaning". i'm here for one thing and that's its. i want no strings attached listening. or soemthing

System intros:

Sup, I'm Navi and I'm the host of the system. I'm a teen and I'm non-binary (Nav/navself - I coined those myself. I'll also take it/itself pronouns if you *have to*) I'm also bi and aromantic so that's cool I guess. I'm not the original host but I'm the bitch in charge now so I guess that makes me... something idk lol. I'm really sarcastic sometimes but I'm not mad at you, I just have a resting bitch face/voice/everything. Uh I like reading, movies and shit like that. Yeah that's it I'll let the others go next:

Hey hey girlbosses it's me nyx! I'm 17 and I'm a fictive, although I'll let y'all guess from where XD. I'm gay and kind of non-binary (He-they-she whatever tbh), and I also regress sometimes XD I'm basically your local cryptid and I like anime (duh) and music (I play the guitar lmao) lemme think for a minute...oh I also love science ahahah, especially chemistry cuz cool reactions lmao!!! I think I'm also the System protector, since I'm always hyper and looking to cut a bitch ahahahaha, so yeah Mx chaos that's me!!!!

Hey! I'm Saki and I'm the system mom! I'm a caretaker and I'm kind of the mom friend in real life. I'm a fictive from the manga blackbird (I know...) but I don't use the same name as my...source? I like cottagecore, lovecore and stuff like that and I'm the one girl with cookies in my bag for friends haha :) If anyone is being mean, me and Nyx pop out to help deal with it! I also really like kpop and 90's jpop, and I enjoy some films as well I guess. I'm also kind of in charge of parts of school, especially group projects and stuff xoxo

Er, hey. I'm Tommy and I'm the System caretaker as well I guess. I'm in charge of school and mostly everything else, but academics is my strong point. I'm not very confident irl, I'm actually nonverbal a lot of the time. I like films, and I read books when I get the time, but I don't really have the same taste as the rest of the system. I don't honestly understand a lot of the system, but hey, that's life huh

Oh yea also we all love video games, just diff genres so feel free to come chat with us abt that - 👽☕

So yeah bitches that's it!!!

Navi's tag - 👽☕

Nyx's tag - 💢🍥

Saki's tag - 🍭💌

Tommy's tag - 🎮💀

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

Tag Game!

➡Tagged by: @nya-vivi​

Gender: Female

Star sign: Cancer

Height: 5ft 6 in / 167 cm

Birthday: June 29

Fav bands: Big Bang, SNSD, Blackpink KAT-TUN, AAA (I'm a Kpop and Jpop fans and simply learned to appreciate new cultures.)

Fav solo artists: Bruno Mars, Selena Gomez, Crystal Kay, Miyano Mamoru, Eve, Jay Park, Rainych, Shayne Orok( A mix of pop singers and YouTubers. That is pretty much my jam!)  

Song stuck in my head: "Mahou" [Magic] by Myuk (Writing by Eve) I didn't cut out my old habit of watching new series every season since high school. Also, "Accumula Town" from the Pokemon Black and White soundtrack. IDK if that counts but ever since the news on the Pokemon remake games coming soon in the Nintendo Switch, this song has been popping out in my dashboard and I have been listening to it addictively.

Last movie: I want to eat your pancreas. ( Even though, the anime plot was obvious however it managed to stimulate my emotions down the road. Bittersweet ending that teaches you about the importance of communication and to enjoy your life to the fullest.)

Last show: Accurately Attack on Titan. ( However, I was re-watching some retro animes at the same time called "Grander Musashi" [Fish show] and " Chousoko Spinners" [About Yo-yo]. The shows ridiculously go into an intense training arc and tournament like how you would see in Shounen anime nowadays. Despite all of that, a part of my childhood does enjoy these old paced shows that hold a special place in my heart. Bear with me! )

When I created this blog: I don't remember.

Last thing I googled: Grander Musashi in Arabic. ( Yeah, I know I'm a dork. I actually watched the series in Arabic and wanted to binge-watched my retro animes from its original dub (Japanese). Also, I research it in Japanese in case if any of you wanted to watch the retro series that I mentioned.

Do I get asks: Yes, I guess so.

Following: I just daily reblog whatever I watch on TV and usually on Yu Yu Hakusho tags, always eager for any new content, news or merchandise. 

Why I chose this URL: The origin of my username was founded in my freshmen days in high school. Long story short, I was praying to God that I would survive the three-episodes shot of each anime series that I was watching in each season, hoping it would be a great show that I will learn something out of it. This is why I call myself "Anime Please Good." :) Don't ask for more, I was a weird teen who preferred spending the day at home. The irony, now I wish the opposite.

Other blogs: Well, maybe I will create a new one if I finally publish the story that I was working on for quite a while. Hopefully, I regain my motivation and stop my procrastination.

Average hours of sleep: Ideally 5-7 hours but the lockdown is messing around my sleeping routine.

Lucky number: 7 ( I love Nana so much, would totally recommend it for people who love a slice of life/romantic stories and teaches a lot of life notions) I'm so blinded by the show that I almost forgot that this number brings bad luck. And no, I'm not a masochist!

Instruments: Piano. I haven't played it for a while. I do enjoy the classical soundtrack to calm my mood and help me to script.

What I’m wearing: A pair of camouflage buttoned t-shirt and pants Pj set and hairclip for my Rapunzel's hair. My whole family is insisting on me getting a new haircut. Sadly, I'm stubborn as a mule and fonded by my long hair aesthetic.

Dream trip: Literally visiting Japan, since I'm progressively learning the language.

Favorite foods: Boiled stuffed grape leaves (which I had today for lunch) as a meal and cheesecake as dessert.

Nationality: Born in Kuwait but lived my entire life in Canada.

Favourite songs: Nu'est - Hello (addictive), Plastic Love by Takeuchi Mariya (retro vibes), Love in top by Beyonce (my queen), September by Equinox Stars (Just Dance) and old anime songs stored on my Itunes.  

Top 3 fictional universes: Yu Yu Hakusho/ Hunter x Hunter, Naruto and Black Bulter. ( I listed the fandom that I read the most in Fanfiction)

@luckystarchild​

Thank you for tagging me. I had fun writing about myself and it was a great stress relief for my mental health. Also, a great practice to sort my thoughts.  

HI love! Hipe ya don't mind me sendi g u some cafe asks ❤❤🌻🔥Vanilla Chai Latte, Cappuccino, Mocha, Iced Lemon Tea, Iced Coffee and Rose Hip Tea hope thats not tooo many 🌼😂😂

Nope! Definitely not too many! <3

Vanilla Chai Latte : Are you in love?

 .... Yes? No? Maybe? It’s a small crush on one of my male friends but he’s so shy I’m not even sure he’s my type and- 😂

Cappuccino : What’s your middle name?

I don’t have one! xD Actually, I know very few people with one... I guess it’s just not common here?

Mocha : Dream Job?

A Rheumatologist! But to transfer into med from Law is very hard- Simply bc Law is a difficult course itself...

Iced Lemon Tea : Favourite song/band?

I’ll just do bands/groups/singers... bc I don’t have a favourite song y’all xD

In terms of Kpop... Seventeen and Stray Kids...

In terms of Jpop/Jrock, it’s Ikimonogatari, Amatsuki (singer), or RADWIMPS :3

In terms of Chinese music (lmao Cpop? I never know the term xD) it’d be... Mayday and Eric Zhe (singer) xD

In terms of American/English-speaking groups, it’d be... 5SOS maybe? I don’t know a lot of groups... I just like the music, so I listen to whatever xD

Iced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favourite book?

YES, YES, YES! Haha my favourite book has still gotta be S.E Hinton’s The Outsiders :3 

Rose Hip Tea : Describe your first kiss

I... Is it bad to say that I’ve never had my first kiss? Like... ever? 😂

-------------

@nad-zeta You’re such a sweetheart <3 Thank you~ for these asks! :3 I had fun <3

Honey Popcorn hate

I always find it funny when people look down on Honey Popcorn for their former (and some still, I heard) job, but it's even funnier when it's teens, like...you are what, 14? Never worked a day in your life, get everything from your parents or nothing, who knows, playing around in school and what not- and yet you are raising your nose and being like yOu cAn'TexPecT mE tO resPecT pOrn StaRs (or sex workers in general you know, when they wanna slap on some extra bullshit)??

Well, if you aren't giving them any basic human respect only based on their occupation, why the hell do you expect any basic respect yourself? *gasp* I know, right? Hard to believe that we are all just people getting to do with our bodies whatever the fuck we want, because it's no ones business and doesn't make us any less worthy of respect.

And if the only thing you can think of when looking at them is how they fuck, honey I got some news for you 👀

Get your head out of it, kiddo.

Additionally I've also seen folks talk about their gravure photoshoots and I feel like I also have to clarify, that gravure photoshoots are part of the idol culture in Japan. There are idols who are gravure idols and then there are also just your "regular" idols who do those photoshoots too. And yes, they are extremely suggestive, but barely soft erotica.

Actually, a lot of male jpop idols have similar photoshoots aimed at women. So honestly, it doesn't reduce anyone to anything at least not if you are familiar with that aspect of the industry. Call it uncomfortable or whatever, but that's just part of it and it isn't going away and there is no need shaming girls for it.

It's not even like they are trying to bring this into kpop, because they are not, it's just uneducated kpop fans, digging things up that they don't understand and don't try to understand either and then waving it around, being annoying and looking dumb

This was one of my biggest worries about the Japanese girls debuting during Produce 48, I was worried this were going to be peoples reactions and I don't know if it has come to such things for Iz*one too, but so far it seems only Honey Popcorn have gotten shit for it, I'm guessing because they were already talked about because of their AV work.

Anyway, I've known about jpop for over a decade, but I am no expert, never delved super deep so please correct me or add something if you want.

Okay so here’s a confession lmao... I kind of got into Loona because of Hunter x Hunter. 

I got caught up in the HxH manga, and there are apparently a lot of references to a jpop idol group called Keyakizaka46. There’s a nen ability called “Silent Majority”, which is like a doll thing with the exact same haircut as the main member of that group, who has a song called Silent Majority. Also Halkenburg’s bow and arrow nen ability has him make a pose from the song Fukyouwaon. So I saw that and was like “WHAT THE HELL TOGASHI”, and I checked out those songs. They’re okay. Nothing to write home about. I mean like, they’re fun I guess, I like Fukyouwaon better of those two (which are the only ones I heard), but idk. I listened to it a lot for a couple days, it was like a guilty pleasure thing haha. And then like I must have seen posts from some of my HxH mutuals (who probably aren’t mutuals anymore after... uh... the drama in late february lmao...) post about Loona, and I was like okay, if I’m listening to this idol group that I can kinda tell isn’t like the highest quality thing in the world, let’s see what a Real group is like. 

I wasn’t really attuned to the differences between jpop and kpop, though I think I have a better understanding of the prevailing trends and styles that differentiate them (not just language. theyre as different as hiphop from LA and UK grime rap. that’s pretty different). But yeah, I was interested to see what a really Quality group sounded like. I wasn’t really expecting much, I was expecting something very catchy but kinda bland, like a lot of American pop is. I was also expecting something a little exploitative because of just the nature of having a group of “idols”, and I’d heard stuff about the kpop industry that wasn’t pleasant. 

And like, I listened to Hi High (which was the top result at the time. i got into them about a week before Butterfly), and I liked it at first. I wasn’t ready to let myself love it, though. In the back of my mind there was that voice saying “lol what are you doing, you are not the target audience for this, i should keep this to myself cause it’s embarrassing. if i admit that i’m listening to kpop right now i’ll be laughed at haha”. But still, it was catchy as hell and I liked that. The video production was sooooo good too, that video looks like a movie.

I watched Egoist too cause I guess it was the top related video, and I thought that song was pretty good, but idk I guess a lot of it just didn’t like sink in or something? I don’t really know. I listened to some others but didn’t find anything that stood out, I think there was a point just before Butterfly released where I liked Hi High, Egoist, and Love Cherry Motion (though I was kinda iffy on that one). I remember talking to my friend Jaci about them cause I know Jaci’s a kpop fan, and they said that they were kinda into Loona but not especially, though Heart Attack is one of the best kpop songs ever made. After hearing that, I listened to Heart Attack, but I didn’t really like it, it was a bit too bubblegummy for me, I guess.

Then Butterfly came out, and by then I knew most of the members by name (not all), and I had watched videos from people like formoftherapy about the songs I had heard and so I felt better about liking kpop cause the illusion of it being completely shallow was shattered. Butterfly didnt wow me at first... I liked the video a lot but the song was kinda eh. The “wings, wings” in the chorus stuck out to me in a bad way lol, I didn’t like that. 

So anyway, by then I was like huh, I’m gonna check out some more stuff. So I listened to groups like Momoland and Blackpink and Red Velvet. And by listened to, I mean really just kinda one song from each of those. I listened to other Momoland songs after Bboom Bboom and they didnt really do anything for me. I listened to Red Velvet songs besides Peekaboo and they were okay, Russian Roulette was pretty good but not something that really wowed me, but I was super super super into Blackpink for about a week there haha. I don’t know, I really liked Ddu-Du Ddu-Du, and I liked the members a lot. They’re only four members, so it was really easy to get into them. I listened to more of their songs though and at first I liked them, but the more I listened, the more I realized how bad they are lol. The members themselves are fine but god, some of the other Blackpink songs besides that one are just really bad. To me, anyway. And I think that’s when I realized... oh... Loona’s really something unique, huh?

Like, listening to other groups made me like Loona more hahaha. That’s when everything started to click with me. Songs that didnt impress me at first, like Girl Front and Favorite and especially Heart Attack started REALLY clicking with me. Suddenly every song I listened to from them I liked. And I was noticing things in their songs that I didn’t notice at first. And like, that’s also when it hit me... oh, it’s not just that Grimes did a feature in the intro to one of their songs, they actually take a lot of inspiration from Grimes musically. Aaaaaand that was the nail in the coffin. See, I was one of the biggest Grimes fans alive before we all collectively realized she’s kind of a shitty person. So, to see the good aspects of her music translated and adapted and iterated on by another group is cool. It also kinda made me facepalm because like god fucking damn it, I thought I was free of Grimes, turns out even when I get into something I thought was totally separate, nope... I can’t escape haha. Then though I started noticing interesting and experimental-ish production EVERYWHERE in their songs. 

And that’s when I’m like okay... I gotta finally go through and watch all their videos in order. I knew bits and pieces about the Loonaverse already, so I was ready to sink my teeth in and see it all for myself. It takes about 2 hours to watch all their music videos but it’s really worth it, that was a cool experience haha. The next day, I watched some of formoftherapy’s reactions to doing that same marathon too, and that helped me notice and appreciate even more things, especially about the music video production, since that’s what they specialize in talking about. 

And then you know, two or so weeks later, here we are, and I’m all in, haha. It’s wild to think that I thought Egoist was pretty good and Heart Attack was not really my cup of tea at first haha. Egoist now blows me away EVERY time I watch that video... the song is sooooooo good and the video is maybe their best and most cohesive video aesthetically and thematically speaking. Heart Attack is also in my top 5 songs now.. so is Butterfly haha, that song grew on me a lot too. It helps for Butterfly that the choreo and video are so artistic and masterful. 

Oh, also, one last thing, in the part where I mention other groups... I don’t wanna knock Red Velvet at all. I love Red Velvet. I could write a separate post about my journey with their music too, and how there was a moment when their songs also started clicking for me, and I think they’re just as adventurous and eccentric as Loona. I like Loona more cause I’m more personally invested, and I think Loona covers a broader range of styles and themes and stuff, but Red Velvet are really, really good. I cannot overstate that lol. Also, there are other groups and songs I’ve gotten into since then too, I’m not just a fan of two groups lol. Though to be honest, if I had to pick the ones that I think are doing something really interesting and stand out from the crowd, I think there’s only three groups I would call myself a die hard fan of, and that’s Loona, Red Velvet, and Fromis_9 (who have sooo much potential, im excited to see where they go). 

That’s all! I don’t expect anyone will reblog this (cause its so specific to me lol) or even read this, it’s pretty long after all, but if you did, thanks <3 I just wanted to write about my journey with this. Cause like, it’s cool how this type of thing can happen. It was cool to watch myself start to allow myself to really get into it. I could feel myself getting more and more into it but I was embarrassed about that and I thought it was really lame of me haha. I don’t mean that I was sad or scared or whatever, again, I just thought it was really lame haha. But I mean, deep down I thought it was cool, and the more I got into it, the more that became the only way I thought of it. And now I just think it’s really worth checking out and like not all that lame at all. There are lame groups, yeah. It’s just cool that Loona isn’t one of those. I didn’t expect that the one I heard the most about was 1. not even close to the most popular, and 2. really deeply musically interesting and risktaking, and that’s something that’s always appealed to me about the music I like. Who knew that Loona of all groups would be like that lol. You know... Loona. From the “Stan Loona” memes. Huh. 

Go figure. 

idk if my newer followers realize just how new to kpop i am

the first kpop song i heard was hi high, not counting any kpop songs i might have heard before that, cause i didnt seek out more of the genre. hi high made me seek out more of the genre, so i count that as my first serious dive into kpop. anyway that was like a week or two before butterfly came out. i dont really count that as my first comeback though because i was only dabbling at that point, and butterfly’s release didnt mean a lot to me at the time (I WOULD KILL TO RELIVE THAT FIRST WATCH NOW). so actually, i still havent seen a comeback from a group im into yet lol. the only group that put out a new song since i had listened to them was izone, but it was violeta that converted me from just someone who had heard la vie en rose into a fan of izone, so that didnt really feel like much either haha. i cant wait to experience the hype.... wejifoweijfmoiwf i think the anticipation of pressing play on a new loona or dc or rv or f9 song would kill me.............

and like, for the first couple weeks, i didnt tell anyone haha. cause i mean, you know, sometimes you stay up really late at night watching a documentary about a serial killer out of morbid curiosity, but it doesnt mean youre gonna join the fucking true crime fandom. so i wasnt sure if checking out this “loona” i’d heard so much about would lead to anything. there came a point though where i had to face the facts and admit to myself “oh, i really, really like this”. i also had to overcome the stigma or whatever lol, and realize oh actually a lot of kpop is really musically interesting and not embarrassing at all. i imagine though that it’s like getting into anime all of a sudden in your 20s, as opposed to growing up a weeb like i did, cause even though there’s a lot of really poignant and impactful anime out there, the stigma is a lot haha. 

also, this stuff is kinda out of the norm of what i normally listen to. well, actually, i would argue that it isnt, but it certainly does seem that way at a glance. i like a lot of extreme metal, punk rock, underground hiphop, etc, but i would argue that kpop has a lot of aspects that appeal to my sensibilities lol. first off, i was a diehard grimes fan until the elon musk hentai shit... when my fandom for her died hard, i guess lol. and there’s a lot of similar stuff to her music in kpop, whether its the fact that she was influenced by kpop, or it’s like with loona, where they were hugely influenced by grimes and have stated that even before “featuring” her on a song. i like stuff like purity ring, the knife/fever ray, and idk other electronic stuff too, so honestly kpop wasnt a big shock to my system, it just *seems* that way when you look at how much i love loona vs how much i love an album from the blackened death metal band behemoth called ‘the satanist’ so much that i went to see them in boston cause they were playing that album in its entirety. it was a bad show full of sweaty dudes, but that’s not important right now. but a lot of kpop, especially girl groups it seems, appeals to my electronic sensibilities haha. and you know, i wasnt expecting that. i’d heard jpop idol groups before, and i thought kpop would give me the same kind of uncomfortable leery creepy feeling i get from watching those music videos, but no, what i found was very a very immersive and deep pop sound with a ton of variety. even within groups... like not only are a lot of groups very distinct from each other, but even within the discographies of those groups, they vary a lot and play around with their sound. 

but anyway, this has gone on for too long

i’m still really new to all this, just a little over two months, right? i hope that doesnt make my blog like inauthentic or whatever haha. i can tell this is the kind of thing i’ll be into for a long time. even if my focus is elsewhere, like, even if in a year or so i’m really into some obscure tv show or something, and im not really listening to much music day-to-day, if i hear there’s a new loona comeback on the way you know i’m gonna pay attention to that, the same way that even though im not in a pokemon-mode rn i still pay attention to what’s going on with it. and i think its really cool to have found another form of media that’s gonna be a lifelong love i think. even if i fall off of kpop in general, the music ive found in the last two months is stuff i dont think i’ll stop loving any time soon. 

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 10!

We’re over the halfway mark. Nineteen friends. This time, Of Faraway Lands and Nearby Pals.

Our trolls are going to be...

These two.

Incidentally, I haven’t commented, but every troll select screen has a different drawing when you mouseover the troll. Usually they’re just the same troll with a light shining on them, looking more enthusiastic, but you gotta see Tegiri’s one...

In addition to the Jojo-like art style, that’s the katakana character ゴ ‘go’ repeated. For some reason, katakana is commonly used over hiragana for sound effects in manga, such as laughter. So yeah. We’ve finally found the mall katana guy mentioned waaaaay back in Polypa’s route!

Oddly, while ‘Tegiri’ would be valid romaji (although not, I checked, on lists of Japanese names I could find... I wouldn’t want to guess at a pseudo-’translation’, there’s a few possibilities), ‘Kalbur’ is decidedly not, and would be turned into something like ‘karuburu’ if it was transliterated into Japanese. That might be significant...

But that’s as far as my rudimentary Japanese knowledge can take me. We’ll come back to Tegiri shortly. First of all, it’s...

...beloved The Magic Roundabout character, Zebedee!

I really hope that’s not a coincidence.

Zebede

Zebede is the third and final troll by Magdalena Clarke, author of Vikare and Elwurd. Well, I enjoyed Elwurd, so that’s a good sign... hopefully...

This begins with getting a chittr notification. God, push notifications, am I right?

The name suggests we’re going to deal with the bees that made Sollux’s ‘mind honey’, granting goldbloods fantastic powers. (The game seems to have decisively chosen ‘gold’ rather than ‘yellow’, so I will defer to this.)

Who is this new friend? It seems to be someone who knows Cirava...

Their speech quirk seems to be using z in place of s, but not always.

Zebede invites us to download a video chat app...

Surprisingly, this does not result in our phone getting inducted into a botnet. Apparently the app we downloaded is called ‘grype’.

It’s weird to have so many Skype jokes given that Skype has pretty much given way to other messaging apps, at least in my experience...

He’s really excited to hear about how we know Cirava, and we tell him. He lets on rather unsubtly that he’s lonely and would appreciate a visit. Apparently he lives a long way out, for the sake of the bees.

We get our first choice...

Honestly no idea which one is the instant death option here. Probably asking if it’s really fine, but the ways we die are so random in this game, who knows?

Let’s go with asking where he lives.

We mention we went out to visit Skylla in the countryside, which leads him to... more self-deprecation. Wow, this guy sure is insecure.

And he decides like... we’re not really interested in visiting him. ‘A wall has been raised’, as the game puts it.

Dude, no wonder you don’t have friends.

OK, well, that was a short branch. Let’s try asking about his living situation and his lusus, whether it’s really fine.

Ah yes, play on his feelings of resentment. Get him to complain and wheedle in that way. That’s our narrator.

This guy’s face is so... pointy... I don’t have much commentary to add.

This leads us to a non-choice of saying we’ll go visit him immediately. This seems like a really healthy, non-manipulative friendship we’ve got going on here.

Apparently Zebede’s got some of whatever concentrated loneliness and fetishisation of friendship our narrator is suffering.

The narrator goes through a few friends to try and figure out who to get a lift from... and after rejecting Tagora, Amisia, Zebruh (oh god no), taxis and public transport, they decide the only option is to do crimes. Hey, I can get behind it.

By crimes they mean, finding an unlocked car and nicking it. Unlike Konyyl, they can’t punch locks off.

Apparently we know how to turn on the auto-pilot in a troll car. Not sure when we figured that one out!

Fittingly, Zebede’s hive is full of bees.

Inside, too, it’s a nice rustic bee farm.

We get a text message from... Cirava, it turns out. I wonder what they want...

We have the choice of ignoring it or letting it go to voicemail. Wow, we’re getting a lot of phone calls in this episode! Let’s try chatting with Cirava, maybe we can invite them over and all chill here...

It’s nice to see Cirava again. The protagonist’s weird obsession with collecting more friends instead of spending time with the ones they’ve made is highlighted...

What’s up with that?

The matter of Cirava’s clothes comes up.

Oh right so that’s what happened to Cirava’s clothes... I honestly forgot.

Anyway, Cirava’s a little worried when we say we’re hanging out with Zebede, who they know by chittr handle if not by name. They are worried that we’re tight, and we say we’re working on it.

Called out!

Anyway, Cirava warns us about getting too close to Zebede, and links... his fanfiction. OK, sure. It turns out to be... RPF. Of Cirava.

Oh dear, we’re gonna get into the RPF discourse in this episode, huh? That is something I generally want to stay a long way away from.

Anyway, Zebede comes back while we’re reading one of his fics.

That sure is an expression.

Anyway, when we explain that Cirava linked this, Zebede decides we’re not prioritising him after all, and clearly Cirava is more important than him.

I’m really not sure we want to be this guy’s friend.

He breaks down crying at the perceived slight of mentioning that we have other friends.

The protagonist starts feeling like a dick. There’s a poke at the blurry line between inner monologue and spoken dialogue on the protagonist’s part...

But anyway, that’s that for Zebede’s route.

So, how do we actually befriend this guy? Trick seems to be to pretend we care about literally nothing other than him, I guess. So let’s go back and ignore Cirava’s grype call.

Instead of answering the call, we work on our chittr profile. God, that’s hard enough irl, let alone when you’re on an alien planet...

So, we assure Zebede that we weren’t about to take a call in the middle of a hang sesh, and he starts showing us some pirate films. Then, switches to space pirate films. Poor guy’s really thrown for a loop by our indecisiveness.

The narrator is sympathetic, but unhelpful. Honestly narrator, just pick something. Fake some enthusiasm. If you really want to be friends with this kid...

We suggest watching the last thing he watched on grubtube. Which... seems like a shitty suggestion to me, since like, if it’s the last thing you watched...

But to Zebede, that seems to be something much worse.

You promise you absolutely won’t judge him. We may regret this.

Mostly, it turns out to be videos of Cirava. Yeah, we get it, he’s got a crush.

He shows us some music videos of a group called hatched2dance. I’m guessing this is a KPop (or perhaps JPop) parody, especially given the whole RPF angle...

Honestly like I probably couldn’t stand this guy in real life but I have some sympathies for his whole awkward gay teenager reading fic thing.

Anyway, seeing themselves reflected in Zebede prompts some reflection in the narrator.

The narrator has kind of a freakout on realising how offputting they’ve been - that they’ve been ‘a big phony’.

We’re saved from an existential crisis by someone showing up to reclaim their scuttlebuggy.

The narrator decides they should probably go out and face the music before this troll carves their way into the hive. This wins over Zebede even harder.

We learn that Zebede’s psychic power is... controlling bees. Using the bees, they drive off the troll outside.

And so we chill with Zebede, and the protagonist takes notes on ‘not being such a desperate piece of shit’.

We’ll see if this whole change of heart actually lasts.

The Alternian text in the picture says ‘ALTERNIA K-POP ALL-STARS’ in the Hiveswap version of the alphabet. Just in case you had any doubt what videos he’s into.

Tegiri

And now... time for things to get anime. This is the debut of David Turnbull.

The protagonist notices the edges of sunrise, and concludes they need to make a friend before daybreak. At that moment, someone accosts them.

Tegiri also gets chiptunes, in common with our other anime troll. I think it’s a remix of one of the tracks elsewhere in Homestuck. But it could easily fit in with a genuine 8-bit game.

Reassuringly, Tegiri concludes that since we’re an alien not a troll, he doesn’t have to cull us.

His typing quirk is that he replaces the letter ‘L’ with slashes.

And his character trait is, sure enough...

HUGE WEEB. Though, glass houses, stones, etc....

Naturally, the initial instant death choice is...

Unusually, we get three choices.

I can assert with 100% confidence that if I click anything other than ‘subs’, I will be executed by katana. So let’s try... both are good.

He casts us out for our indecisiveness.

The Alternian text here reads ‘PATHETIC.’ The drawing here recalls a particular anime meme... after some digging I was able to identify it as a screencap of Asuka from eva:

Think this is probably from End of Evangelion? But I can’t really recall.

...god I’m not helping my case for not being as much a weeb as Tegiri here, am I?

OK, let’s try subs now.

...lol, I’m wrong. He prefers dubs. What kind of weeb is this guy?

However, even though we’re wrong on the Most Important Question, we get to come back to his hive.

We can see body pillows around his recuperacoon, an improbable number of katanas, a bunch of figurines... the text above his bed says OPPAI, which is, well... Japanese for boobs. Yeah.

If you look closely at the anime figurines, I’m sure you can identify a few.

But except for Luffy in top right, I’m not sure about the rest. Someone who knows more about anime, feel free to fill me in. Bottom right might be a machine lifeform from NieR Automata, but that seems too recent, and wouldn’t 2B be a more in-character one for him to have?

Anyway...

I like how this casually assumes that the reader knows what an otaku is, but then again who reads Homestuck without knowing that I guess.

The narration says Tegiri has sorted his merch by blood colour, which is like... contradicted by the illustration which clearly has a bronzeblood troll at the top, but who cares I guess.

This guy is just too quotable lol.

Anyway, we get to meet a lusus again. This time, the lusus is actually drawn, not just a filtered stock photo!

It’s also mildly terrifying :D

It’s called Tadashi Inu, which means... well it kind of doesn’t mean anything (‘however dog’???), but if it was Tadashii Inu, it would mean Correct Dog.

Anyway, naturally what does an anime club do but watch anime?

He’s presently in the middle of watching ‘Philosopher’s Half-Iron’, which I’m guessing is a joke about Fullmetal Alchemist? Instead, he proposes Schoolfed Heroism (BNHA maybe?) and Kismet:Stuck Morning (no guesses for this one... I’m a fake weeb).

It’s also interesting that we’re watching on DVDs. If they wanted to go full weeb, they could put in fansub jokes here... but then this guy prefers dubs to subs, so maybe he likes to buy official releases.

Naturally, we run into translation issues.

He wanted the first edition and ‘paid extra for it’. So rather than enjoy the rest of the episode, we set off to have a word with the importer...

I have to ask... how does the troll economy work? There’s hints at a capitalist economy, money is mentioned and we had the guy running the club just now, but none of the trolls seem to have jobs. They seem to just get issued money according to their blood colour?

Speaking of which, we get some comments on troll retail...

So yeah, we’re gonna find another weeb I guess.

If that’s the billboard in the background, it's too small and blurry to work out what it says, unfortunately.

He seems pretty opposed to any ‘rebel sentiments’. Which of course he discusses with the weebiest metaphors. Alternia balances on...

He goes on about katanas for a while, like he’s going down a checklist of orientalist tropes. Naturally it’s a prelude to a challenge to ‘dance’.

We say swords are cool and this gets a little rant about bushido. You know, that self-serving horseshit some guy in the late 1800s fabricated as nationalist mythology...

We arrive at the anime store.

More text to transcribe, oh joy. At the top of the store it says the name of the shop, mentioned in dialogue, ‘SUPER TOPATO IMPORTS’. Above the door behind the counter it says ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’.  On the bookshelf full of manga it says something too squished to easily read.

Anyway, we’re having a look around, but Tegiri starts kicking up a stink.

It’s basically the navy seal copypasta, slightly modified to be more trollish.

Meanwhile we’ve accidentally knocked some anime and manga out of someone’s hand.

Still not getting these references, unfortunately.

The troll with a pink sign is apparently against troll law - ‘depiction of nonstandard hemological attributes’.

This is all going over my head at this point. The references, I mean. Obviously the text - that Tegiri is an entitled douchebag - is clear enough.

Oh, this one I get - Ace Attorney, of course.

Anyway, this is where we get a choice. Do we stop Tegiri straight up murdering someone for peddling the wrong kind of anime?

Obviously we will try. Even though this seems like a great way to end up dead ourselves.

We speak up for the shopkeeper, and manage to convince Tegiri not to straight-up kill him. This leads to... a story, of a previous time he showed mercy, in contradiction to the law.

Of course, we know who this baby - who should have been culled for lacking a lusus, by troll law - would have been. God, I’d sure rather be hanging out with Polypa than this guy.

The narrator, of course, has one thing on their mind...

We suggest that the law, and what is right, are maybe not the same thing...?

The hard decisions such as ‘do I murder this baby?’

The narrator decides they know something about bad ways to manage loneliness...

The narrator manages to divert his rant by asking about his eyes. Which are... any guesses? Contact lenses. For cosplay.

Before we can make the error of accusing him of breaking the law by cosplaying a nonexistent blood caste, who should show up but...

Oh thank god. Save us, Polypa.

Of course he says 何 nani instead of ‘what’. And as for 後輩 kōhai, that’s basically the counterpart to senpai, the junior partner in an informal hierarchy within an organisation, dictating the use of certain honorifics. If my reading of the wiki article is right, he’s using it quite incorrectly.

Polypa lets on that we’re moirails. This causes Tegiri to be a little taken aback. The narration has some fun.

Tegiri claims - despite his huge stack of body pillows and figurines - that he has no time for quadrants.

‘Were it not for the laws of this land’ is most commonly associated with a meme from a Ghanaian film, not anime, but the sentiment surely fits.

Polypa tries to talk some sense into him.

So we end up doing an anime sleepover...

The dog is saying ワンワン (wanwan), which is standard Japanese onomatopoeia for a dog barking.

The text in this screen says... ‘Ore wa kaizoku-ou ni naru otoko da!’, which is a One Piece reference, meaning ‘I'm the man who will be the pirate king!’.

So, Tegiri may be insufferable, but at least with Polypa around we can keep him more or less under control.

There’s a few more options to explore. What if we’d picked dubs, not subs, near the start? He praises our choice, but otherwise, the story proceeds in the same way. I think that’s actually the first time we’ve had branches merge.

Now, what if we let him kill the shopkeeper?

Shockingly, he’s not as much a swordsman as he makes out. And the shopkeeper, it turns out, is psychic, and zaps him before legging it.

I was under the impression that psychic abilities were rare in goldbloods, but what do I know?

We ask like... was that really necessary?

Well, he’s certainly a tool, he got that part right. (Sorry.)

We go to report the shopkeeper’s terrible crimes to the drone, but unfortunately... it seems that the protagonist has a rap sheet themselves!

They can’t pin it on us! We’re innocent!

God, the ‘everything happened’ approach to continuity is still fucking with me. Did we make friends with Remele? Did we not? Earlier, the narration mentioned making ‘between 1 and 19′ friends. What if someone didn’t obsessively explore and replay every branch? They’d be so confused!

But despite his ineptitude with a sword, our attempted escape over an overpass leaves us...

Dead.

I’m sure this shot is also an allusion to an anime meme, but I can’t say which one, so yeah.

That’s Zebede and Tegiri. Not the best friends we’ve made, but I enjoyed the chance to be a huggggeee neeeerrrd in this post. (>implying that I could be anything other than a huge nerd on my homestuck liveread blog)

“These fans sitting around, known as ARMY, are almost as famous as the band itself. Fiercely devoted, they’re able to mobilize themselves en masse and sell out stadiums like no one else—as well as being often misrepresented by media outlets as insane screaming teenage girls with no substance, who “don’t even understand the lyrics.” Because, of course, for some critics young women are not allowed to be passionate about anything without being submitted to ridicule.”

| © Biju Belinky @ Noisey (Vice Magazine)

THAT 👏 SHADE  👏THO! 👏

Can we talk about it for a minute and how fucking true it is?  And its not just limited to music, but to everything and anything women do.

I’ve seen and felt this first hand growing up, especially if you live with a traditional/conservative family. And it only gets more irritating if you have an older brother who happens to the favorite.

If my brother likes Anime and plays video games its called a hobby. But if I do the same its me wasting my time.

If my brother shows minor interest in art, he’s seen as a cultured/intellectual individual. But if I fully dedicate myself to art to the point of earning not one, but two degrees in the field I’m told that I could have done something better with my life and receive zero support from my family whatsoever to help me get a job post graduating.

If my brother makes random drawings, scribbles once very full moon out of boredom he’s “an artist” Whereas if I put a lot of effort, time and detail into an actual drawing (be it digital or traditional) its seen as infantile.

My brother can listen to heavy metal and that’s “normal” for him, but if I express interest in the same music genre I’m told that “it’s not what girls should listen to” and “what would people think if they see you singing like a maniac who deserves to be locked up in a loony bin?”

Lets not forget when I got really into Jrock/Jpop back in Highschool (in 2001-2004) and genuinely wanted to learn about Japanese culture; their language, society, their history as a whole (i had already decided then I would major in History)... I was called an embarrassment and my family would literally tell me to shut up if we were in public and I would get caught singing any song that I was into at the time to myself, because “people would think that I was crazy”.

Now that I’ve been into Kpop since early 2013, its no different. All I receive are eye rolls, disapproving shake of the heads, the occasional “why are you obsessed with a bunch of Chinese that look like girls anyway?”, “are you gay too?”, “you don’t even understand what they’re singing.”

What’s kept me standing throughout most of my life, despite the heavy prejudice, has been essentially being born with a defiant spirit and a sense of not wanting to conform with society’s (and sometimes religion) norms of what’s “appropriate” according to my gender.

Because I believe that our genders should not define what’s right/appropriate based on a standard/predetermined design made by someone else.

Like RM said: “Do YOU, do whatever the fuck you want.” cause in the end haters are gonna hate and people in general will always find a way to talk shit and judge you whether or not you try to fit into their overall (superficial) standards.

You like BTS? Then stand BTS, sing their songs, go to concerts, find and FEEL that special meaning behind every word they sing if it gives you a reason to wake up in the morning, to run faster, scream louder. People think and say “Armys are just crazy/delulu fans” for supporting their cause?

Well hey, guess what? Fuck ‘em.  

Cause we won’t stop.

Siloso Vibes

who?: Wanna One’s Ha Sungwoon genre: 🌸 type: bullet point, part of Christmas collab wink wonk blog navigator. • part of the collab with @onlyjihoonsand@hwinkinghwi • a day at Sentosa with Sungwoon + added Christmas spirit finally writing something for Sungwoon :”), never got a request for him before so I’m happy - Admin L posted late out of respect for Jonghyun. Admins will officially return on the 25/12 Rest in peace, king. you did well. forever and always in my heart. 

• Sentosa • first, I need to explain what Sentosa is and what there is on that island • so Sentosa is an island off the coast of Singapore, linked to the mainland by a bridge • everything there is built on reclaimed land • which is basically throwing sand into the sea to form a platform • I think so • yeah • okay • ‘babe,’ someone says, waking you up from your sleep. ‘Come on, wake up.’ • oh, it’s Sungwoon • who let him into my house? • WHO • I NEED SLEEP • oh yeah, my parents are completely in love with him so I can understand why the gladly opened the door for him • Ha Sungwoon had your parents wrapped around his pinky finger • he finally took a trip back to your homeland after graduation • let me explain • you had flown to Seoul, South Korea to further your university education and there, you met Sungwoon • you guys started going out in Junior year • everyone shipped it • Daniel owed Jihoon $10 • Jaehwan was so touched, he composed multiple songs for both of you • and some were on his debut album • oooh • recently, the both of you had graduated university • CONGRATS TO THE CLASS OF 2017 • AND TO EVERYONE STILL STUDYING, KEEP GOING AND WORKING HARD • YOU GOT THIS • YOU WILL MAKE IT OUT ALIVE • burning the midnight oil writing papers and feasting on instant noodles at 2am was all worth it to hold that 4.0 GPA in your hands • uhh…maybe • possibly • I’m sure its GPA calculated there • sorry, no wifi to check right now :( • right after your graduation ceremony • you ran back to your dorm, packed up whatever was left and met Sungwoon in the campus carpark • he was decked out in full tourist attire • floral beach button down • board shorts • fanny pack securely tightened around his waist • and of course • he just HAD to wear his Birkenstocks • of all of his expensive shoes rotting in his house • his Birkenstocks • at least they weren’t Crocs • you were grateful for that • at least that • I have nothing against Birkenstocks • I guess they just aren’t my style • but Sungwoon still looked like a freaking buffet so you weren’t complaining • he’s probably that young guy who can pull of the ‘dad look’ really well • you know • random coloured t-shirt • or polo • jean shorts? kakis? • white high socks tucked into sports sneakers • or moccasins • maybe pairing Adidas socks with Nike running shoes • can’t forget that leather fanny pack • or a black dad hat • sometimes he would trade that for a snapback or sun hat • okay that’s enough visualising weird images • brain: Sungwoon with that Prince Eric black hair, golden circular spectacles, in a white button-down with the first few buttons open and tight-fitting black slacks • me: SCREAMS • THROWS MYSELF OUT OF A WINDOW • you know that iconic Jimin black hair part? yeah, that one. that would look SO good on Sungwoon • he’s sort of Jimin’s brother anyway • let’s move on • shall we? • Sungwoon as Prince Eric though • super frickin’ hot • ENOUGH • so you two threw your stuffed suitcases into your car trunk and sped off to Jaehwan’s mansion • that’ll be Sungwoon’s car’s house for the next month • some of your friends are there chilling out, still clad in graduation gowns • they’re like ‘what’ • after explaining, they wished you a safe journey and kissed both of you goodbye • Sungwoon left a 23-page journal on how to care for his car • in case Jaehwan had no idea • he was reassured when Minhyun mentioned he would be living with Jaehwan until his apartment was ready • Sungwoon’s car would be safe in Minhwan’s hands • hopefully • Jisung and Daniel drove the two of you to the airport • helping with the luggage and all • Jisung pushing Daniel on the trolley that’s actually meant for baggage • snapping pictures like fansites • ‘hi I’m starting a Sungwoon fansite, I’d like to call it Smolwoon.’ • angry chilli padi Sungwoon activated • he’s so small but spicy I love • ready for takeoff • taken off • RUN DANIEL RUN • is there a sungwoon fansite with that name? please link them if it exists • if not, feel free to take the name • or smallwoon • and tell me about it! • you and Sungwoon eventually get checked in and everything • after hugging Daniel and Jisung of course • video calling the rest of your friends to say goodbye • Jisung almost shed tears • wow • imagine of Seongwoo was there • drama time • flights are such a blessing, I personally love flying and travelling • slept on the flight in Seoul • woke up in Singapore • hELLO CHANGI AIRPORT IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN MY LOVE BEST AIRPORT IN THE WORLD • YOU’RE DOING GREAT CHANGI AIRPORT • it was so cute to see Sungwoon half stumble off the plane • because he had an amazing nap • he emerged still sleepy-eyed and clearly freshly awoken • I’m talking bed-head, trying to cover up his puffy face with glasses and a mask • but he looked refreshed and well-rested so all is well • it’s important to sleep properly! • says the one who stays up to 2am to watch Master Key • Master Key is really addicting, I’ve never been so whipped • you guys managed to get a cab • around 1am three days ago, you got to your house after Sungwoon was dropped off at his hotel • because your house didn’t exactly have a guest room and sleeping in your room was a huge no-no • so you called and talked to him until 2am • how the hell did he wake early enough to get from Ritz Carlton to your home • what even • Sungwoon wasn’t one to wake early • he loved his sleep • and his pre-bed skin-care routine • speaking of which, his skin was effortlessly glowing • hmm, must be a change of weather • ‘BABE!’ Sungwoon yelled, shaking your blanket-clad figure. ‘WAKE UP!’ • was he…okay? • why does he want to deprive me of sleep? isn’t he supposed to come and cuddle with me? • :( • oh! • IT’S TODAY • ‘Aren’t you excited?’ Sungwoon whines, sitting on the edge of your bed. ‘Today’s going to be so much fun!’ • ‘and tomorrow,’ you mumble, still half asleep. ‘Are you not jet lagged? I feel like    I got run over by a truck.’ • SG translation: I kena truck langar • Sungwoon laughs, beaming brightly, sparkling like a total angel • ‘I am but I conquered all to come see you~’ • ROMANTIC • he’s such a hopeless romantic but pretends he isn’t • just a vibe • ‘see,’ he says, pulling up his Uber app to show you his new ride. ‘I even took an Uber here myself, and I spoke to the driver with slang and English.’ • you guys are probably using a mix of Korean and English to communicate btw • it’s so fun speaking in two languages • like you can interchange words into sentences • and no one around you will know what you’re saying • and when you speak dialect, it’s like your communicating in a secret code • for me at least • heh • you guys never had qualms speaking in both languages • for Sungwoon, who had pored over his English notes night after night so he could increase his fluency level, independently taking an Uber with a mainly English speaking driver was a huge deal • friendly reminder that English is not the only language in this world and people should not be obliged to learn/speak it. • it may be a commonly used language and more prominent but that still doesn’t mean everyone has to abandon their culture and switch to English • also, that Kpop, Jpop, Cpop, Cantopop, Bollywood, any other non-native English speaking idols/groups do not need to speak English to be valid • goes for anyone for that matter • :)))) • let people appreciate their cultures and languages • yay okay back to the story • the reason for Sungwoon’s excitement and eagerness • ahem..peculiar behaviour such as rising early • your itinerary for today was a day at Sentosa • more specifically, Universal Studios Singapore • can someone please go with me? • tomorrow would be Adventure Cove • should there be a part two for this? tell me, please • moving on… • it’s the most wonderful time of the year • to visit Universal Studios • well, the queues even at 10am in the morning proved you wrong • but we shall backtrack a little • how you got out of the house? • Sungwoon practically dragged you out of bed • threw you into the shower • saying that he would get your breakfast ready • you tried to battle the morning heat and wake up at the same time by taking an icy cold shower • WAKE UP • emerged refreshed and ready to roll • sort of • Sungwoon was sitting in the living room, talking to your parents • no sucking up needed to win their favour • especially since he helped to prepare your breakfast • ‘oh babe, you’re here! I packed your breakfast in a lunch box in case we didn’t have time.’ • so prepared I can’t • pulls a MOTHER • Sungwoon mum mode: activated • I know Jisung’s the mum but Sungwoon is probably the grandmother, mother or 帅叔叔 [handsome uncle] • flashback when Xuan described San E as 怪叔叔 [strange uncle] • I’m cackling • maybe Sungwoon could be a strange uncle too • eh • he strikes me as that • ‘see,’ he says, patting a stuffed tote black. ‘I even prepared all the things we could need. Umbrella, raincoat, sunscreen, moisturiser, bb cream…oh! This is a new kind of energy drink Jaehwan recommended!’ • hmmm….Jaehwan recommended • okay then… • your parents are SWOONING • WHAT A WELL-ORGANISED MAN • probably has an organiser in that tote • ‘uhh, okay. thanks, babe. so, mum and dad, we’ll be making a move.’ • your parents insist you update them every few hours • and they take a picture • like a prom picture • don’t blame them, they’ve only seen you and Sungwoon over Skype calls and Facetime • you guys hug them goodbye • ‘LET’S GO’ Sungwoon yells, tossing his tote into the backseat of your Rover • maybe some other car because Rovers are unreasonably expensive here • everything is unreasonably expensive here • ‘VROOM!’ • you speed off towards Sentosa. • in the ticketing queue, Sungwoon insists on applying a thick layer of sunblock • you hold his mirror • and then he does it on your face, purposely not blending it • asian beauty standards are like: • pls stop whitewashing • and idolising fair/white skin • dark skin is beautiful and should be deemed normal and acceptable too • anyway • at least he blended the cream properly before you approached the staff • Sungwoon couldn’t stop yelling excitedly as he entered the gates • he was amazed by every single little thing • CHRISTMAS SONGS • CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS • CHRISTMAS SPIRIT • santa hats everywhere • he does have Lotte World • but this was a whole new universe • ;) • Sungwoon’s hand envelopes yours and you two happily skip to the first ride • ‘what about Transformers?’ • ‘sure!’ • honestly, the queue for this ride is so ridiculous • luckily, Sungwoon keeps you entertained by taking a ton of Snapchat filtered selfies • Snow filters • making memes • Facetiming a tired Jihoon - time difference • who wishes he tagged along • he screams a lot during the ride • and screams after about how much fun he had • you two go on a couple more rides • got chased by a T-rex and got a bird’s eye view of the park • burnt to a crisp by a fire-breathing mummy before the roller coaster plunged backwards • went on a safari adventure and nearly got eaten by a crocodile • these are some of my favourite rides tbh • went along for a boat ride with Madagascar animals • ‘yo Sungwoon are you sure you’re tall enough to ride this?’ you tease playfully. • he pouts • yells a bit • before securing his red baseball cap on his head and confidently marching into the queue • ‘watch me.’ • ‘small is spicy.’ • after, you guys ended up buying ice cream • salted popcorn in a Minion container • Sungwoon calculated the expenses to the very cent • he’s either the guy to drop $1000 in a blink of an eye with no hesitation • or drop his friend off before the ERP [a system you pay - using cash card - to use a certain road via vehicle] because he wants to save that $2 • this happens to my friend irl lol ^ • you guys even purchase matching Santa hats • even though those at the mama shop are SO MUCH cheaper • Sungwoon persuades you to buy matching shirts too • ‘uhh are you really sure you want to buy that shirt for Guanlin?’ you questioned, pointing to the shirt in Sungwoon’s hands he got from the children’s section • ‘oh shush I know my son through and through, he’ll love it.’ • ‘….he’s almost 18 soon-‘ • ‘nope!’ Sungwoon exclaims, clamping a hand over your mouth. ‘No, no. His 8th birthday just passed.’ • poor Guanlin • Sungwoon and Jisung are going to feed him banana milk for the rest of his life • ‘what about Daehwi? He’s your son too.’ you point out his bias • ‘…well, he’s Jisung’s son right now because the sun is still out but I should buy my babies matching shirts too right?’ • ‘babe, help me choose one!’ • you guys spend at least half an hour haggling over shirts • which colour one would match Daehwi’s skin more? • wait, this is the exact colour of Guanlin’s eyes! • …this t-rex reminds me a lot of my sons • bet, Guanlin looks like this when he wakes up • *ends up spending much more than anticipated* • Sungwoon takes a brave step and agrees to ride the Battlestar Galactica:  Human Vs Cylon • two of the major roller coasters here • ‘woon, are you sure you’re over 125cm? you need to measure your height again…’ • *167cm* • ‘HAH’ he grins triumphantly • sighs • is confident • and brags about how he loves roller coasters • until he’s standing behind the metal gate, waiting for the cars to come back and all the screams from the previous riders can be heard • ‘uh babe are you sure you want to sit in the first carriage? I can always ask them to change our seats if you’re scared.’ • *bats eyelids* • you nearly fall for it • then, you gently push him to take his seat • ‘WAIT NO MY THING ISN’T CLICKING SHUT’ • a staff has to help him secure his barrier • he takes a deep breath • ‘I’m more nervous then when it was my debut-‘ • *yelling begins* • *yelling pauses* • Sungwoon nearly passes out • after,,, ‘THAT WAS SO FUN LET’S GO AGAIN BABE.’ • you guys stay there until almost closing time • cue staff trying to chase you out • ‘the night is still young.’ • so, you take a trip to Siloso Beach to watch the sunset • munching on fries • you rest your head in Sungwoon’s lap, his hands playing with your hair • the waves crash against the beach, the sunlight glimmers against your skin • ‘this is so different from Korea…’ Sungwoon mutters, almost to himself • he kisses your forehead affectionately, causing a smile to pull at your lips • ‘I like spending this kind of Christmas with you too.’

I’m always deathly afraid of falling back into the "idol” abyss. 

(I wrote about this a few days ago, so I’m trying to remember my thoughts and so this is going to be all over the place)

For a year or so when I was a teenager I was really into Jpop and I never want to return to those days when I was so obsessed with something. I needed to know EVERYTHING about my favourite celebrities and it took up so much time in my life. And I just constantly thought of them. Like I literally didn’t think of anything else (other than like, school). 

Idol industry

Something that’s gotten my attention recently is just how the idol industry works. It’s literally a person factory where they recruit literal children and morph them into whatever they want. 

The concept of idols (especially Jpop idols) is that they aren’t exactly marketing an artist, but rather, an person. It’s just that for idols, you have a real person’s face to go with the archetype. 

For idols, having a fun personality is part of their job. But where do you draw the line between your personality as an idol and your personality as a regular person, off the clock? Because it’s so hard to differentiate the two, I think that is why entertainment companies feel the need to exert so much control over their “products” (the idols).

I think there probably used to be a bigger differentiation between artists when performing (acting, singing, dancing) and when they were not (behind the scenes, promotional interviews, etc.). I think the idea for idols is that even when they’re doing behind the scenes stuff or promotional interviews, they are still acting. They’re acting as their idol aliases. So the time when idols are acting has increased in proportion to the time when they are off the clock and can be their normal selves. 

The other thing that kind of messes with my brain is the idea that idols don’t actually have to be good at their artistry. I read an article recently about Produce 48 and comparing idol cultures in Korea and Japan. In Japan, idols’ jobs are to look like they’re having fun and to be cute, whereas apparently in Korea, the music industry was a lot more mainstreamed so idols could only survive if they became the best musicians. 

The other thing that throws me off, however, is that there are such defined roles in groups, especially Kpop groups. There are members that only sing and members that only rap. There are some members that are known for being “lead dancers” (despite all of them actually having to dance). Not to mention how the “vocalists” don’t even really get to show off their actual singing a lot of the time because they have to dance very complicated routines. And the wildest “role” for me was the concept of a “visual.” Apparently a visual is someone who is good-looking, and that’s their role (usually not their only role, but the idea that this exists was completely new to me). 

Here’s the thing, if I want to listen to a great singer, I don’t usually listen to an idol group. If I want to listen to a song that’s very well arranged, I don’t usually listen to an idol group. What I do go to an idol group for, however, are dance routines (especially Kpop groups) or music videos. So I guess idol groups have become more about dancing and look/feel than the music.

Fan culture

The fan culture is the other thing that I look at and just do a double nope out. I don’t know what it is about idols, but there’s some weird pressure to keep up with every single release/appearance/interview of a favourite group. I don’t know where it comes from but it’s there. 

It’s easy to look at the crazy extreme fans of idols and say you’d never do something like that. But it’s important to look at how idol culture targets its fans. 

One of the most obvious appeals of the idol industry is marketing young men/women as approachable people who “could be your next significant other.” This kind of thinking obviously targets a certain group of people, a group of people who perhaps feel lonely. 

Back in the old days, I think there was a more of an understanding that celebrities were this “untouchable” and “unattainable” group of people. With social media (making celebs more accessible), fanmeets/conventions, etc. fans have more opportunities to meet their favourite celebrities. So the idol industry is working towards making fans’ fantasies of meeting and befriending/dating their favourite idols more and more perfect.

The ugly truth, as always, is that the higher you climb, the harder you fall. When fantasies are too perfect, any small thing, any hair out of place, can mess up the fantasy, leading to negative reactions from fans who rely and embrace the fantasy. I totally get it. Sometimes I see news of my favourite male celebrities dating and it makes me sad even though I know it’s not like I’m ever going to meet them and date them. Because I’ve fallen victim to the fantasy that I could one day meet and date them. 

Sorry my thoughts don’t really connect here. What I’m trying to say is that I think that yes, some fans are crazy, but I think it’s because idol culture targets a specific demographic by creating more and more unrealistic dreams, and when those dreams are shattered, you get drastic reactions. I just think it’s a very, very unhealthy fan-celeb relationship. 

I mean, I already think that fan-celeb relationships are very strange and that is why I never want to meet or be near any of my favourite celebrities. They just have a very strange sense of power over me and it’s not like we could ever be real friends because I was a fan of them before and had a distorted image of who they are. 

Idol dramas

Very recently did I discover there was a distinction in dramas between “idol dramas” and “normal dramas.” I think there is an understanding that idol dramas don’t really feature the best writing or acting, but instead focus on aesthetics, good looking and popular actors and actresses, nice clothes, etc. The other “normal dramas” are the ones you’re supposed to go to if you want a great story or terrific acting. I suppose this is the entertainment industry being self aware and I think it actually helps me to compartmentalize and not get caught up in idol culture because there are tons of dramas that don’t rely on idol popularity or celebrity-related pizzazz to create an engaging story. In fact, I now prefer that I didn’t know any of the actors in the shows I watch because it lets me focus on the story and the characters rather than the celebrities who are acting. 

Sorry for this whole stream of consciousness post. I wish I’d written it better but it’s late at night and I just want to get it out. 

It’s just that every time I re-dip my toe into Kpop or Jpop I need to remind myself why it’s not good for me personally (because of how stressed and anxious I felt when I was an idol fan). I hate that I do fall into the trap because dammit I have dreams of dating a handsome man too, but I hate the idea of having an unattainable fantasy marketed to me because it’s unattainable. So I need to remind myself why I can’t fall into the trap. 

I know some people will be like, bro, just like what you like. But I know for a fact, that being someone who gets easily obsessed, getting into idol culture will NOT be good for me. I just need to convince my heart to heed the words of my brain.

I know I’m a hypocrite because I say all this and yet I still get caught up in celebrity culture. I’m trying to be a fan in a healthy way. I just feel that idol culture is not healthy for me. I can’t help being a fan of shows and sports and stuff. Because they are part of my interests. But fan culture is a whole other monster and I need to remind myself to be a healthy fan, not an obsessive and unhealthy one.  

blergh. good night.

It also sucks to have fellow friends that may be into kpop/khh/krnb but have noo idea, whatsoever, about American hiphop/rnb..I don't get it..how can you like one that basically either being influenced or copying the other bit know the other or like the other...I mean I know people like different things but come on, now..😕...

My guess has always been they can’t understand it so it kinda gets more of a pass? Like it’s like when the LA auditions happened on SMTM, there’s always been bad contestants of contestants that sound good but don’t actually have good lyrics but nobody really noticed since they don’t truly understand. So it was just like whatever. 

Part of the reason why I started liking kpop/jpop and less American pop is because in the beginning I understood NOTHING so I couldn’t hear how meaningless and weird and awkward and childish some of the lyrics were. I had stopped listening to the American radio (I still don’t btw) because the content of the songs was so cringeworthy. I mean I never went full on with it like some people do wih the whole “kpop is SOOO ~beautiful~” thing. I was at least a little aware. Pop music is pop music is pop music but I couldn’t understand it so it was more bearable. I could just pay attention to the vocals, dances, catchy choruses (that I didn’t understand), and cool beats. I mean now I understand more as well as knowing that I can just find an English translation but now it’s already grown on me lol.

So I think that’s a large part of it. Not being aware + fetishization of Korean people + general anti-blackness is a hell of a drug though and that the exact drug that quite a lot of fans are on though so all bets are off.