I am physically unable to wait till I finish this, so let me throw another WIP Shoutout to @a-aristippus @madnessandlovesstuff @tales-of-ryloth @snowleopard-from-venus and many others who added tags and words in their reblogs for me to smile at ♥ (pspspspspps I am also absolutely looking to join an Obikin/StarWars discord, fuck knows I need friends to deal with these star-crossed tragic soulmates) Awkward Motion by Hellhills.mp3 (read as a person talking to themselves) So tell me why I feel this way Someday it has to go away We didn't really like this place We made a promise we would stay Been so unbothered by this hate Now you found comfort in my pain And you keep staring at your grave And you keep wishing that was me

Don't give me options, you got none yourself Don't make me worthless, you got no one else

Don't let go, it's not your fault You're all alone and no one's gonna change that Don't let go, it's not my fault I'm on my own, I would do anything to change that I forgot your face, yet I still remember to scream your name It all got erased, nothing but a waste of time, a waste of space

Being a bitch about the leafs getting a dewey is immature. Sadposting and making little edits about how awful Toronto is? Fuck off. Just because your team cant make the playoffs dont blame the teams that can. We will love him on the leafs. Get over yourself.

okay so i normally delete these kinda asks without bothering w a reply because i honestly think they’re kind of tiresome & because i know you’re just being a fan and if i can forgive wild fans for being unreasonable about their team i then i can forgive leafs fans for it too. 

with that said: braindead take.

just. stupid. so stupid, in fact, that i will write a reply because i think it genuinely might make me feel a little better. 

okay so lets start right at the end. WHY should i get over the fact that a player i like is no longer on my team. why should it matter that you’ll love him. my team was sold of in little bits to teams i either don’t care about or actively root against. 

that?? sucks?? 

i care about my team. i want my team to win. i want my favourite players to stay on my team and when they don’t that’s upsetting. this is not a revolutionary concept.

also the way it all played out was kinda shitty. i knew we would likely lose duhaime, but after losing pat i thought we would maybe get to keep dewar. and when the deadline passed i thought we were ok. hell, even connor thought he was safe. and that he would get to stay with his friends. and then it turns out we lost him at the last second. and that’s fucking gutting. 

“we will love him in toronto” ok. even if that is true, my favourite toy was taken away and given to some other kid. i don’t care whether or not they’re happy to have him. i didn’t want to give him away. were you happy for the canes when bunting went there instead of coming back to the leafs??? no because that’s not how this works. i don’t want good things for the leafs i want good things for my team. i don’t want other teams to win i want my team to win

and that’s allowed.

encouraged even.

“sadposting and making little edits” ok this is fair and accurate and i might make it my blog title if you don’t mind. it is funny to me that you interpret that poem as being about how much the leafs suck and not about?? how being traded suddenly?? and your best friend being traded away?? sucks??? poems are funny things and don’t say anything definitively, so you are allowed to interpret it however you like, but i haven’t gotten any angry avs fans in my inbox yelling about my "duhaime sadposts"?

but ok! directors note & something worth keeping in the back of your mind when interacting w this edit and also all other dewar edits: 

This is not!!! About you!!! 

i am not trying to hurt your feelings!! i do not care about your team!! for the love of god please just unfollow my blog.

also. and this is pedantic but i want to say it because its been bothering me. you don’t get “A Dewey”, you get Connor Dewar. the deweys were a matched set and without duhaime on the same team what does that even matter. you don’t get “dewey 2” you get Connor Dewar. congrats! that's great! he’s wonderful. please treat him nice etc etc.

being a bitch about the leafs is immature and i will do a better job of tagging my anti-leafs posts from now on. ill even tag all of my dewey poems as anti leafs if they're this upsetting to you.

one final thing: the wild not making the playoffs is very much the fault of other teams and i absolutely could blame other teams for it. theyre better and they beat us and now we might not make the playoffs. again: that's how this works. i get your point though, its not the leafs´ fault the wild have been miserable this season but i reserve the right to dislike them either way :)

congrats on the cute little guy. i will miss him very much. and again: PLEASE unfollow.

//rant where I just go off about the recent antis who have been going around. There’s been so many that I’ve seen, so it’s not about any particular users tbh. Like, my dash is filled with different antis and I wanted to say something about it lol

The recent rise of certain antis not knowing how to spell, using abbreviations for almost every word they type, and talking like they can’t be any older than 15 is really concerning tbh.

And when I say “taking like they can’t be any older than 15”, I mean they lack any sort of argument or desire to have one while using patterns in their text that is shocking similar to middle schoolers to early high schoolers using (all the way down to the slang, abbreviations, and punctuations). Everything boils down to “lol kys pedo 💀”. Like, do they not realize how dumb they sound? Do they not realize that every anon ask I get that sounds at all like this, I just delete it and move on with my day? Nobody takes them seriously besides the antis who are on the same wavelength as them, and that’s not something they should be proud of (they are proud btw). And they really think they are getting somewhere with it. Really it’s just annoying :/ I used to be an internet troll back in my day (13 to be exact lol), and what made it fun wasn’t the “hahaha I hate you” aspect of it, it was the debate. Well, for me at least. So I really don’t understand this whole thing that these new antis who have been showing up on my dash lately who have absolutely no point to be made, contradict themselves, and don’t even bother to look at anything other than a label someone uses. What do they gain from this? Like seriously. There’s no gain from my perspective when nobody is taking what you say with any seriousness and your just a minor annoyance.

I really am concerned though, and this is regardless of this new wave’s actual ages, because I’m not assuming that they are minors without proof of such (I have reason to have high suspicion that they are minors, but that’s not relevant) (and if they are minors, who fucking told them it was at all ok to interact with people who they think are pedophiles?). But like, do folks not realize that harassment with no real logic behind it just makes them look stupid when it’s done in this fashion? Like, harassment in general is dumb, but this is worse for some reason imo. I’m in awe tbh, like, /srs on this one. I’m concerned about people’s basic literacy skills and their ability to think about things rationally. If this wave consisted of people who had valid criticism and wanted to hold a debate about the topics at hand (which, personally, I love the antis who are like this because I love holding serious discussion on complicated topics), then it would be a completely different story. But there’s been nothing but stupidity clogging up my dash lately, and I’m kinda annoyed :/

I’m also waiting for the antis who have been perusing the proship tags lately to see this and say something lmao

Long Post Ahead

Ok yesterday and today I've been busy, so I haven't had time to write up that "ongoing codywan fic recs" post yet, but I promise it'll be up soon (that shit takes a surprisingly long time).

Right now, though, I just want to say something--and yes, I know I said some of it in the reblog of another post, but I was pissed when I wrote that and now want to expand on what I said a bit better.

-----

Everyone and their mother knows, by now, that Glimmer deleted all of their fics off of Ao3 because some asshole decided to harass them and make them feel like shit. Glimmer isn't the only creator that's been harassed off their platform before and I highly doubt they'll be the last, especially if things continue like they are, but I think a wake-up call is in order.

Everyone has been talking about supporting creators you like and making sure they know they're appreciated, which you absolutely should be doing, but I the bigger issue is entitlement.

Let me spell it out for some of y'all:

Creators don't owe you shit.

I think a lot of people harass creators for liking things they don't because they feel entitled to having their opinions validated by their peers--and having their peers not validate their opinions, whether that be by shipping a different pairing or not agreeing with some of their theories or whatever, makes them angry and feel like they've been personally wronged.

They also feel entitled to interacting with everyone and everything, so they think other people should change what they post rather than just filtering out tags, blocking people, etc--because they want to reap the benefits of creators without having to engage with things they might disagree with.

They don't want to give something they like up so they don't have to interact with something that makes them uncomfortable, but they also don't want to have to interact with (read: see) things they don't like in order to see the stuff they do.

Like I said: entitlement.

But here's the thing: people are going, and are allowed, to disagree with you.

That's life.

It is your responsibility, and your responsibility alone, to cultivate your feed and keep yourself from seeing shit you don't want to. No one else's.

You don't like a certain ship? Filter out the tag.

You don't like someone's opinion on the fandom media? Block them.

A post popped up that you didn't like? Hit "not interested."

If you like one thing from a creator but not something else then that is on you to decide whether or not to keep interacting with them/their works, it is not their responsibility to cater to you.

Again: creators don't owe you shit.

Not their art, not their fics, not their recs, not their theories, not their time, not their responses, not anything. Getting to interact with them and their works is a privilege, not a right, and y'all need to start acting like it.

You do not get to harass them for not agreeing with you on everything or validating your opinions.

And if you do harass others? Then you are a shit person and you don't deserve to ever interact with another creator's work again, because you are the reason we're losing so many talented and genuinely kind people to fandom toxicity.

And if one of your favorite creators gets harassed off a platform and you've harassed others? Then I feel sorry for them, but you don't have a single fucking right to complain about losing them when you are the one who's created a space where harassing creators for their work is ok.

Start minding your own fucking business and leave creators alone.

Oh wise Pix of the pool, I have questions for you!

10, 14, 20, 21, 25, and 29!

Have fun!!

(In regards to this post)

Mmmm I dunno about wise but I do have answers for this, so.

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Hm, this is a hard one, cause a lot of times I don't really have expectations for responses? Or when I do it's usually fairly on the money. I do remember being a bit surprised that A Star-Lined Path got as much interest as it did, given that my tagging on that was... kinda awful, lol.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

Ah fuck me that's a really hard one, nevermind. I mean, A Shadow, an Eon, and a Worm could be fun, given that that's my biggest megafic. My other option is my current biggest WIP, Maskless, because it's got some really nice scene imagery in there and seeing that adapted could be super cool. (One scene in particular...)

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

cracks open my AO3 works tab ok, I really like Second Sun, if only for the punnage of it all, and same with A Credit To The Order. But I think my absolute favourite is either Tempering Steel (Transformers fic), or Light in a Storm (Star Wars).

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

I am in fact currently in the process of doing that! I have about 10k of Maskless that I need to delete, because I don't like one character interaction that I have in it. Unfortunately, at the time I wasn't too bothered, so I kept writing!

And then I got writer's block, took like a four month break, and came back to it. Looked at the segment, went 'no actually I dislike this immensely', and am now having to delete pretty much that entire 10k because the way I want to rewrite this section also means needing to adjust the course of the entire rest of the conversation to keep it flowing well, so yay that.

(Technically I guess this isn't a scene? It's a big section of a scene to be deleted, it's just that I've then gotta rewrite the rest of the scene and the next chapter probably as well...)

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

Oh hells yes. Writing Shattering Point was a nightmare, because I did that one in class and made myself upset, very fun to try and explain. Surprisingly, the one you'd think upset me- Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow- didn't all that much? I think it's cause I wrote it in a speedrun more than anything and got caught up thinking about the reactions more. Like I was sad but it wasn't that bad?

I think if I reread it now though I'd start sobbing.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

...Hm, ok, this could be fun. Dooooo I have anything like that right now...

(The endless issue of 'if I wrote it with the intent to post it it probably got posted', lol. I have a lot of practice pieces that'll never be posted, but I don't think I've got much actual fic content...?)

Oh! I have an idea! I was, once upon a time, thinking of expanding on Revelations of Monsters, an MCU fic I wrote in the early days of me being on AO3. I never actually figured out how I'd expand it, though, so while I did write a scene for a potential sequel/expansion piece, I'll likely never use it. Soooo here have some of that I guess.

Even for Ultron. (Not the monster she’d created, no. But for the AI that would have been ULTRON, if not for her interference. ULTRON would have been different, would have grown up with a family of AI siblings and a father who adored his creations so brightly it burned, would have been taught love and compassion and to protect… Wanda had murdered that child before they could even be born, using her powers and the Sceptre, and created a monster in their place, and she wasn’t sure if there was enough grief and regret in all the worlds to atone for that fact. She wasn’t sure she wanted there to be.)

blocks @/photosthatarensfw aka @/highladysith

TW antiblackness

[Image description: a reblog by @/osha-unofficial that says “Who is their manager.”, which is reblogged and replied to by @/photosthatarensfw saying “You want their manager? ok karen”. End description.] 

A few weeks ago I sent them an ask replying to this comment of theirs, letting them know that if she’s not Black and especially if she’s white she shouldn’t be using Karen like that, it’s not for us. I had been optimistic that they would respond well given that they hadn’t used any other AAVE in the posts of hers I’d seen. They never published the ask.

Fast forward to yesterday where they asked if people would be interested in buying merch from them. I sent an admittedly pissed off ask and this is how they replied.

[Image description: an anon that says “I wouldn’t buy pins/stickers if the procedes go to you bc i sent you an ask about whether or not you’re Black bc you used AAVE and I never saw u answer it. If u did answer it and correct yourself or u r Black yes I’d buy.” Her reply reads “K”. End description.]

And I wrote that pretty late, I didn’t really remember if she’d used more AAVE or what the original instance was and I should have been polite and ask whether or not they got my ask. I do deeply regret this ask, but now that the cat’s out of the bag, OP is addressing it and showing what they think.

This is the reply they reblogged to the ask.

[Image description: The main text reads “Sorry I didn’t answer your anon, I tend to delete baity asks”. The tags read “There’s literally nothing I can say to make you think I’m not an asshole”. End description.]

Which given how I worded the ask I would take into consideration if she was confronting the issue of appropriation. I did not say what I should have, that I hadn’t noticed if they’d used more AAVE, but she should have addressed the issue at this point in our interaction. Furthermore, there absolutely ARE ways to convince me you’re not an asshole, which include owning up and moving on with composure and respect, and my second anon was worded in a way that could be read as bait, whereas, while I don’t remember the exact wording, I hope and believe my original ask was probably simply pointing out a fact.

And now is where all of the assumptions really come in, which is driving me up the fucking wall.

[Image description: an anon that says “if you said you’re black then they’d want photo evidence and throw a fit if you didn’t provide evidence. if you said your not black then they’d “cancel” you. there’s no winning”. OP replies “Exactly”. The tags read “It’s pretty obvious what my main blog is tho so. If they wanted to know they could easily figure it out. (I literally said Karen once) (that’s why they’re mad at me)”. End description.]

WHICH LIKE?? WHAT THE FUCK??

I never hinted that I wanted photo evidence, I wouldn’t have because that’s just too much, too invasive, and I’m trusting of people. I understand that it’s a trend that people will get deplatformed for minor things but the assumption that this case was that is inaccurate. Secondly, they do not have an about page on that blog and I am almost exclusively on Tumblr mobile.

I told her that on anon this morning, as well as the fact that I understood that if she is Black (or a person of color, though I forgot to mention that in the message), then answering would have put her at undue risk and it was fine if she just corrected themself. I said this all civilly and well rested. They have not published that ask yet.

I am also not mad about the unknowing use of AAVE, I am mad about the lack of addressing it now that the conversation is being had, which I believe I had communicated. I really shouldn’t have been mad when sending the second ask because I couldn’t remember if she’d used it recently, but even when sending that ask my anger was due to them not taking accountability, not from the one instance itself.

And then there was this ask.

[Image description: an anon that says “What good comes from demanding to know someones skin colour? You arent a mega corp masquerading as someone who gives a shit, just an independent content creator. I genuinely worry that people cant see nuance in “support black businesses”.” Their reply is “They’re literally just mad I said Karen once so”. End description.]

Which just ignores the whole point of wanting to avoid giving racist people a platform or money, or holding each other accountable. And once again she is deflecting to me being mad over one word instead of taking accountability or addressing the appropriation.

They also allowed jokes to be made on the ask of mine they posted.

[Image description: A reblog by @/photosthatarensfw with a screenshot of a reply by @/verisoran that says “On the plus side, this behavior from teh anon fits the sub, as it is decidedly nsfw”. OP’s reply is “did you just call me a sub?” and their tags are the joking tone indicator and “I am not submissive and breedable”. End description]

I didn’t remember that author portraits are a thing on desktop dashboard, which is the only place you can see who they are. Their main blog, @/highladysith, does not have an about page either, and her race is not listed in their bio, but they do have a profile picture with a face in it, so, given the tags of that last ask, I’m assuming this is them.

[Image description: A photo of a young bleach-blonde white person with a sparkly filter applied. End description.]

They still have not addressed the use of AAVE even though I sent them this article about an hour ago, and of the 4 anons I sent I sent (the third message wis split between two asks), she has only published the aggressive one, painting me purely as a demanding and invasive aggressor.

[Image description: a reblog by @/penrosetri-jay-ngle that says “I feel like we’re getting a little too comfortable demanding people share personal information on the internet in order to prove themselves Unproblematic”. End description.]

Given that this is the only discussion of racism on her blog as far as I’ve seen, they’re also only portraying the outcry against this appropriating in a negative light.

They’re one of those people that posts about antiblack violence but immediately argues at recommendations to listen to Black people.

Spill the tea, what's the deal with you and the BSG group (avatar-chang and her squad in particular)?

Ok anon, sorry for taking so long! I wanted to get everything right and honestly collecting the posts took a longass time xD

Anyways, the only ones I have a problem there are avatar-chang, hexful/dykesia/bizukos, catrademption, cardboardseagulls (never seen interacted b4) and bizulas (also never interacted b4).

I’m going to be really transparent about this whole thing so it’s gonna be long as there’s gonna be several links and I’ve included the dates so it’ll be easier to understand. Since I’ll be fully transparent about this, i’ll probably get hate or whatever. Honestly, I just want to put everything out there without being biased or hiding anything. I’m going to disclose everything here.

So, the whole thing between me and avatar-chang started off with this post I made last year on 10 March 2019. Afterwards, she PMed me on the same day and this was the conversation:

After that, I thought the argument was over because she blocked me lmao. The only ones I spoke to about this was nbw and my real life friends (who had nothing to do with ATLA lmao I just ranted to them).

And then the next incident I think was on 16 March 2019 when I made this post about Azula’s abuse of her friends. I was new and 16. I genuinely wanted to know why people labeled Azula as an abuser. It was dykesia who responded to me at the time.

Now, unlike avatar-chang, I had a few conversations with dykesia (who was bizukos then) that was generally civil. I first interacted with her when she made a post calling out Zucest shippers or something?? I was very new. Like fresh newbie baby ATLA tumblr fan new lmao so I thought what she said was too aggressive. I didn’t realize that there were actual Zucest shippers until after some time. And then she PMed me on 13 March 2019, saying that she doesn’t always agree on characters with me but I do write some interesting pieces on Azula— that she’s a huge fan of Azula but she just tends to stay away from her fandom. I apologized about the previous incident of the Zucest thing and it was fine after then. We talked about zuko, the fandom, the comics, Mai etc etc. I thought we were on fine terms.

And then I made a post about the cliff scene in the comics on 16 March 2019. Avatar-Chang made a post that was pretty directed at the post but it seems like she’s deleted it.

On 17 March 2019, I received an anon mail telling me that avatar-chang was talking shit about me behind my back. I censored her name then because I didn’t want to believe without any evidence. No one sent me any screenshots about it so I just dismissed it.

On the same day, avatar-chang answered an anon and talked about the 13 child post theory I made on 9 March.

On 23 April 2019, I received another anon mail about avatar-chang, asking if I’d seen the post she made about Azula. I censored her name again cuz I didn’t want to start any shit over having differing opinions. I’m assuming this is the post the anon was referring to.

On 28 April 2019, dykesia/hexful/bizukos PMed me to ask if I was talking shit about other people behind their backs, and her. I denied this because I hadn’t. This was how the conversation went:

Yes, I didn’t censor any name because as I said, full transparency. I have afp blocked because we’ve clashed several times and he’d still come for my posts last year despite already being blocked. If you’ve followed me long enough, you probably would’ve rmbered that time lmao

Anyways during then, I don’t think I realized that dykesia was actually being passive aggressive. It’d been barely a year since I started the blog and I just didn’t want to full out make enemies. Reading the messages now tho lmao she really was passive aggressive. But yeah then she said this in bsg so I don’t even know why she bothered to ask me if she wasn’t even going to consider believing me.

The 9th of June 2019 was the last time she messaged and it was to ask if I mind her discoursing this Zuko post while ‘hard and drunk’. It was the first time she could apparently agree with me so it was I quote a ‘Yay??’. Afterwards I don’t know when she did it but she blocked me lmao

On 17 July 2019, I received another anon mail telling me that avatar-chang publicly called me a bitch when she was answering an anon about me posting the scans of the EK Chronicles. She mentioned this in bsg again on 19 April 2020 lmao (she’s that petty) it seems:

On November 8 2019, an anon (one of avatar-chang’s friends actually) asked about my thoughts towards the allegations against Aaron Ehasz. I still believe in the system of ‘Innocent before proven guilty’, so I didn’t side with anyone. I tried to be as objective as possible. When I said that I hoped men would also come forward, I said that because I don’t want men to just sit on the sidelines and let the women get the heat if they were telling the truth. At the end of this whole thing, I concluded that Ehasz was a dick of a boss to the girls. Being called an abuser carries more weight than just being a dick. Everyone has been a dick at one point, but being an abuser is something else. Just because Ehasz was a dick doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching TDP or dismiss his involvement in ATLA.

The next day, BSG brought the issue up despite both avatar-chang having already blocked me by then lmao

On 5 February 2020, after Legacy of the Fire Nation came out, I made a post calling out Iroh’s bs to Azula (guy literally blames Azula for everything that happened to Zuko (something which avatar-chang agrees with apparently, and Iroh even sees Ozai in a better light).

That’s so far what I’ve remembered that involved avatar-chang and dykesia.

Moving on to the next three attackers: catrademption, cardboardseagulls and bizulas.

I’ve seen catrademption around, but I don’t remember if we’ve clashed before. We must have though cuz she’s got me blocked lmao and I mostly only debate back to people when they reply to my posts. For cardboardseagulls and bizulas, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them them before but obviously they’ve seen my blog and misinterpreted everything I’ve written.

But according to them, I’m apparently a Azula apologist, extremist, irrational, toxic, coddles and woobifies Azula, justifies everything she does and invalidates abuse victims.

You can see the posts I’ve made to judge whether I actually am an irrational Azula apologist who blames everything on Zuko. One of the most recent posts I made about Azula’s character is this, and there’s still several more posts like that. Just search #meta or #analysis in my blog search and all of them will just pop up. I can assure you, I have never acted as if Azula has done nothing wrong or did everything right or whatever lies these people are spewing.

If anyone has proof that I’ve talked shit about people in the fandom to other people before, please, present your evidence. I highly think this is impossible because I actually don’t have many friends on Tumblr, nor do I usually initiate conversation because I’m awkward af.

I’ve also tried approaching those I recognized in bsg to find out more about the situation (and at least give my side of the story). Most of them have chosen not to speak to me LMAO but one of them who’s chosen to remain anonymous for their privacy, admitted that dykesia (hexful) forced them to block a blog before (after realizing they were interacting with said blog) and if not, they would be blocked themselves. I can’t post the conversation publicly because they’re afraid their speech mannerism will give away their identity. @space-sword has also shared his experience with avatar-chang on his blog and was pressured to cut off ties with ppb21 just to join the oh so magnificent Ba Sing Gay.

There’s absolutely no reason to judge someone based on their sexual orientation, race, color or age either. They rant about being discriminated against or being generalized or stereotypes but they’re the ones hypocritically committing these actions, and then justify their actions by saying ‘we’re oppressed, they’re not, so it’s not racism or discrimination’. And yet people still wonder why discrimination is still rampant LMAO

I can’t speak for the blogs they victimized in bsg, but I personally don’t agree with talking shit about them on a public server and then criminalizing them as if they’re actually predators. I also don’t agree with involving the blogs’ friends simply because of their association. I also don’t agree with demanding people to block blogs they don’t like because that’s just pure manipulation. That’s wrong and marginalizing people. Unless someone has actually been harassing or literally preying on people, then there’s no reason to actually go around warning blogs about them unless they’re asked about it.

If they feel uncomfortable about something? Then avoid that blog, filter their tags or even block that blog if they’re that uncomfortable—BUT they shouldn’t demand others to do the same just for their own benefit. It’s not up to them to decide what a person can or cannot see or who they can or cannot interact with. They’re not their parents, and they obviously have no right to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to. If they think it tactless that I shared the conversations? Oh honestly, a line was crossed when they spread shit about me so idc. If they actually feel terrible for being called out? GOOD. That’s what they should feel, because in no way was any of what they were doing right or justified. If they’re going to shit on me then expect to be burned because I’m not someone who’ll just shrivel in fear because they have a bigger following.

I am curious--are there any Specific rp blogs that you Really admire/are Curious abt and would like to interact with but feel too intimidated by to approach? Aka heres a chance to Gush abt them or even to reach out if there is a few--and if not, feel free to delete this! Im just kinda curious! Have a good day, mun!

((oh hi!! :D thank you so much for the ask!! um, yeah!! there are quite a few blogs i’d love to interact with but am very afraid of because ,,, sjdngjmdf i am very anxious :))) i’ll list a few! this is by no means all of them though!

lemme preface this with i also run @yoursinfulangel and i’m not saying that for a self promo, i’m saying that because im gonna talk about a few people here who i haven't interacted with on this blog, but have on that one! so if they’re confused, hi, its me! i do have a lot more people that i look up to on that blog that i haven’t reached out to because i’ve been on that blog far longer shfnjdfnm

cracks knuckles. this is gonna be LONG.

uuummm ok. so. one blog that i really admire and look up to as far as writing angel dust goes is @arachn0philia ,, i love the way they write angel and i love the detail they put into his accent. i overall really like their writing style so that’s definitely one blog! i’m mentioning that one first bc i guess it goes best with the ask? i’ve looked up to their blog/followed them ever since i made this one and i’ve been way too shy to reach out but. love their writing! go check ‘em out if you haven’t already!

another one was @littledemondarling but recently we’ve interacted a bit and i’m very happy about that!! thank you very much for it :D i love writing with you, your writing is so detailed and your take on niffty is so cool! you seem like such a sweet mun and your writing flows so nicely and you’re just . chefs kiss! never stop! :D

i HAVE to gush about this blog . @sluttyowospider HELLO i know ive already gushed about you in the past to your face but. your writing. is So Good. man. chefs fuckin kiss bro your angel is amazing. i smile whenever i get an ask/reply from you, dude, and look forward to all of our threads. you’re amazing ic and ooc and i hope you know that! another angel that i have interacted with before but also love dearly is @hxllshotel portrayal of angel! we speak a lot ooc and they’re so funny and such a joy and i hope that they know their portrayal is adored!!

speaking of blogs ive interacted with but want to gush over,,, @princessofhazbin !!! you’re AMAZIIIING. ilysm. your charlie is amazing, i love your sense of humor, our threads are always Top Tier,,,,,, incredible. impeccable. i love that both of my muses get to date your charlie lmao! thank you for being so flexible!!

now if we’re talking about alastor blogs that i really like, @iinsatiablewendigo and @alastorology (won’t let me tag for some reason). GOD i adore their takes on alastor/milton SO much. same with @kxllersmxle and so many others!!! there are so many amazing alastor’s in this community it never ceases to amaze me dude.

OH OH OH @volatileroyalflush !! ASTERRRR. ilysm my guy!! i’d love to interact with you more on angel and al’s blogs both bc you’re amazing!! and i love our threads dearly! ofc take your time, absolutely no rush, just wanted to let you know that your portrayal of husk is amazing!!

okay. i THINK that’s all i’ll say for now bc this is really long but !!! yeah!!! top tier god quality blogs!! check ‘em out!! :D))

I love you love me

Inspired by a recent event (can’t remember which one now lol... Yes, I’ve been working on this one that long because Dumblr is dumb).

Sweet Kiyomasa x MC fluff with, as is common with me, a dash of angst.  I’M SORRY I AM INCAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING ELSE.  It’s either smut or something with a bit of angst in it because #Drama.

Warning:  They’re both a little dumb in this because this was without notes and I rewrote it at least three times, especially after tumblr deleted what I had done in this draft.

Tagging: @masamunesmistress, @calicocrest, @all-my-cuffs-have-buttons and @dear-mrs-otome@dear-mrs-otome

It wasn’t a sudden occurrence. 

There was no strike of lightning from the heavens, no mind-shaking epiphany that brought the feelings to my attention, as if they were buried deep in my heart.

It was slow, gradual, unnoticeable until it was too late. I was in love with Lord Kiyomasa. Autumn was still new and the leaves had yet to fall from their perch in their trees when I realized my feelings for Lord Kiyomasa were stronger than mere friendship. I had only been at Nagahama for a short time, but already I felt as if I had been a part of the clan my whole life.

Lord Hideyoshi and Lord Masanori were kind and polite, always making me feel welcome in their group, but it was Lord Kiyomasa that stood out from the others to me. He was taller than Lord Hideyoshi, lithe but still very strong.  He always seemed to be there when I needed someone to carry something I couldn’t or catch me if I started to fall. He had a boyish charm like Lord Hideyoshi, but didn’t try to placate someone like he did.  Lord Kiyomasa made sure you knew where he stood on issues in one breath, while being a shameless flirt in the next.

However, under all that bravado, he was as sweet as honey with a heart as golden as his hair. Hair I kept feeling my hands itch to run my fingers through because of how soft it looked. If I bought some glass beads, would he let me add to the ones he already had…? He always made me smile, taught me how to fold origami cranes, would talk with me into the wee hours of the morning on the veranda as we looked up at the moon.  He was strong, wholly dedicated to Lord Hideyoshi and reliable.  All of this and so much more drew me towards him, wanting more.  Needing more. But I knew it wasn’t meant to be.  Lord Kiyomasa was just getting into his stride in life as a samurai, proving himself in battle and coming out on top. He didn’t need anything extra in his life keeping him back.  At least, not until he decided he needed to seek out a wife of prominent lineage. A prominent lineage of which I certainly had none of. I shook my head to scatter those cloudy thoughts as I served Lord Hideyoshi his lunch, returning his kind smile when he thanked me before moving on. Perhaps Lord Kiyomasa would let me at least continue to be friends with him and serve in his castle if he ever found a woman suitable to be his wife. ~*~ “Why don’t you say something?” Kiyomasa looked up from his bowl of miso soup to his left where Masanori sat when he asked that question, before turning his eyes to follow you around the room. “I have no idea what you mean.” “You can’t fool me.  I see the way you look at her.” His red haired friend replied, eating calmly as if he didn’t care about the conversation at all. Kiyomasa sighed and put his bowl down to sit back, watching you surreptitiously as you finished serving the other retainers with a smile and went back to the kitchen. He thought back to all the times he had spent time with you, the way being around you made his heart race.  The way your very presence brought absolute calm to his soul. He loved how caring and thoughtful you were.  He looked forward to your cooking every day and was marveled at how such a talented cook could be so horrible folding origami. He thought you were beautiful in your humbleness, not fretting over pretty hairpins, obi ties, or makeup like other girls he had been with. He found spending time with you refreshing and revitalizing and every time he had a day off, he sought you out because that was when he was most relaxed. He knew he had deep feelings for you, but couldn’t bring himself to act on them for one reason. Hideyoshi. The way Hideyoshi also looked at you hadn’t escaped him. He saw adoration in his gaze whenever you interacted with him, the soft smiles, the laughing.  So many times he had to convince himself from trying to steal you away and tell you how he felt. He wouldn’t though, because he wouldn’t steal away the girl his friend and Lord has his eyes on.  He respected Hideyoshi too much to do that to him. He was resigned to tell himself he would just be happy with the way things were and to help the love between you and Hideyoshi blossom and grow.  Eventually, the knife twisting in his heart would stop and the pain would ease, right? “She’s not for me.  Sure, she’s fun to spend time with, but she isn’t my type. I like girls who know how to have fun. You know what I mean?” He winked at Masanori with a flirty smirk and a nudge with his elbow, trying to distract those listening, hoping they would think he meant carnal entertainment as he had once been known to partake in. Masanori paused long enough to cast him a deadpan look before returning to his meal. Kiyomasa could tell that his friend didn't believe his words for a moment. “You know, Lord Kiyomasa, she looks at you the same way, right?” Sakon decided to supply from his right side, the entire conversation earning a disgruntled huff from Mitsunari, who was sitting on the other side of Sakon, next to Hideyoshi. “You’re seeing things, kid.” Kiyomasa scoffed, picking his soup up to drink from the bowl. “Fine, don’t believe us.  But we’re telling you that she likes you, too.” Kiyomasa looked at Sakon from the corner of his eye. Surely he must be mistaken. A lady like her, interested in a ruffian like him? No way. “Just talk to her. That will clear things up.” He looked to his other side, watching as Masanori finished off his fish, leaving nothing but a skeleton on his plate before moving on to the next dish. Could he do that?  What if he asked and, as he thought, she really did have feelings for Hideyoshi?  Could he handle the rejection, despite being prepared for it? At least, if he did ask, he would know and could move on. ~*~ “Lord Kiyomasa?” His ears perked at the sound of her voice several days later.  He quickly stood from the desk where he was reading and moved towards the shoji door to his rooms. When he opened it, she was standing there, her hands folded before her over her obi, the light of the waning afternoon sun causing her to be limned in gold. It took everything in him not to show how the sight made him feel like he got punched in the gut. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, my lady?” He gave her his best, most flirtatious smirk as he backed up and motioned for her to enter. She shook her head and remained in the doorway, still acting the prim and proper lady, Kiyomasa felt like rubbing his chest where the pain from his metaphorical gut-punch moved up, squeezing his heart with a tight fist. “I need to talk to you about something very important. Something I can’t talk to anyone else about. Something that I’ve been needing to get of my chest.” “Important, huh? Would you like some tea?" She shook her head again. “I was thinking it was a nice day for a walk?” Kiyomasa nodded and stepped out of his room before closing the door behind him. They walked together for a time before she paused near the back wall of Nagahama’s gardens.  A thousand thoughts flit past his minds eye, all potential topics that she could possibly want to talk to him about. Alone and in the back of the garden. “Is everything okay?” He asked, prompting her to speak. She slowly turned to face him.  Never could he remember seeing her look so serious. ~*~ I could feel sweat gathering at the back of my neck, my heart racing at a fast clip in my chest. Most of the day had been spent thinking things over while doing my chores and, finally, I decided that telling Lord Kiyomasa how I felt was better over all for my health than keeping it in.  The decision had been hard, but I knew it was right.  If he didn’t feel the same way about me, then at least I would know. I could move on.  Or at least try to. “I want to say everything is ok, but I can’t lie to you.  There’s been something I’ve needed to tell you for a while now, and I’ve finally plucked up the courage.” He reached up to tuck some stray hair behind my ear, opening his mouth to say something, but he froze and pulled his hand away, closing his mouth to look at me.  There was an intensity in his gaze I rarely saw unless he spoke of something he was passionate about. “What is it?” “It’s hard to say.  I have strong feelings for someone, but I’m afraid to tell him.  He’s a samurai, I’m just a no-name cook.  He’s going places, I’m not - not like him at least.” “It’s Hideyoshi, isn’t it?” Despair came over his features when he suggested our Lord and friend. He thought I loved Lord Hideyoshi? What caused such sadness on his handsome features?

I moved closer to cup the side of his face on one side.  He looked down at me, his gaze wavering as he seemed to study my face.  I was about to reply when he opened his mouth.

“Honestly, you couldn’t do better.” “Wait, what? No, I’m not…” “I’ve seen you two.  He cares for you deeply.  I’m happy for you, truly.  He’ll make you very happy and be a good husband to you.” With those final words, Lord Kiyomasa turned to walk away from me towards his room in the castle.  Without thinking, I cast my hand out to catch his sleeve to stop him from leaving, forcing him to turn around and face me.  I quickly drop my hand, seeing surprise on his handsome features, feeling it on my own as well. “It’s not… not Lord Hideyoshi.  He’s nice, and I enjoy working for him, but he’s not the one my heart desires.” “Masanori?” “No.” “Mitsunari?” “No!  Gods, no…” “Sakon?” “I’m not even going to grace that response with an answer.” “Who else could it be?  You’re a beautiful, amazing woman that any man should feel honored to have at his side.” “Even you?” “Especially me!  I…” All I hear for several moments after that was the wind blowing through the trees, the chatter of small animals, and the song of birds. “Lord Kiyomasa?” For some reason, he frowned down at me a moment before he gripped both of my forearms and pushed me away, turning on his heel and moving back to the castle. But for just a second, I saw a flash of embarrassment in his golden gaze. I couldn’t let him go without telling him what I had gone there to say - I didn't want to lose my courage. So I chased after him.  When I got close enough, he turned towards me when he heard me running and I saw a look of surprise as I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and planting my lips against his.   My kiss didn’t get the reaction I had been hoping for, considering how well known with the maids he was and the stories I had heard from his friends.  Perhaps I had been mistaken in what he had meant. The disheartening thought made me stiffen and practically throw myself from him.  What was I doing, throwing myself at him like that? When I backed to a respectable distance and looked at my feet, my hands wringing each other out as I tried to come up with an excuse for my attack and one to escape. ”I…I, um… I’m sorry. After what you said… I thought...” After a few more moments if awkward silence, just as I was about to leave him in my shame, Lord Kiyomasa closed the distance. ~*~ He was ashamed of how long it took to recover from the suddenness of her kiss. It was the last thing he had expected, but certainly not something unwanted. There had been nights he’d fallen asleep thinking about what her lips would taste like, what they would feel like against his own. Which, of course, lead to other thoughts more suited for his bedroom. He didn’t even think about what he was doing - Kiyomasa closed the distance she had created, raised his hands to either side of her head and slanted his lips over hers hungrily. Lips as sweet as berries and just as plump, soon gave way to his kiss, accepting it with enthusiasm and giving as good as she got when he added his tongue to play with hers when she opened to him. ‘So, this is what it feels like to kiss the woman you truly love.’ He thought to himself, feeling her hands gripping at his sides, using his kimono to bodies closer together. ~*~ ‘So, this is what it feels like to kiss the man you truly love.’ I thought to myself, pulling him closer as our tongues dueled and our teeth clashed.I could feel my skin tingling along the path his hand created over my kimono when he moved one of his arms down to wrap around my waist, easing us down into the grass. The feeling of him over me unlike anything I'd ever experienced before - the heat licking at my flesh warming me from the inside out, his weight comforting even as he held himself above me. Lord Kiyomasa was like a man dying of thirst as he moved his lips over my own, lapping and sucking, toying with me and managing to pull a whimper from my throat. My cheeks heated at the sound that came from me, but he replied with a similar sound, pressing his hips into my leg, showing me just how much he was enjoying this.  The feel of his hardened manhood against my thigh caused searing heat to bloom in my core and it made me gasp. I felt a moment of clarity forcing its way through the fog of the arousal he was causing and I pressed the palms of my hands against his chest, ending the kiss."What's wrong?" Panting and deliciously flushed, he looked down at me with heat and a little confusion and uncertainty in his eyes. "Did I go too far?"I just shook my head and smiled up at him, hoping he could see all of the emotions I felt for him in my eyes. "No. I'm okay with this.  But are you? What about your future?" I know that I'd asked this of him already, but I had to be sure.  I wasn't about to let him back out once he told me he was sure.  I wanted - needed- him in my life and wasn't sure if I would settle for less.He just waved my words off with his hand and a smirk. "I wasn't born with this title, as you well know.  I have no designs for the future except to continue serving Hideyoshi. I could care less for having a snobbish noblewoman for a wife.  I want a sweet, caring cook from the capitol who has a perchance for trouble and whose kiss sets my blood aflame.  Someone who I can talk to, can search out and find when troubled, knowing she will make everything better."Lord Kiyomasa delicately carded the fingers of his waving hand through my hair at my temple, sending little sparks through my entire body. "You're the one I want  to come home to, to be at my side, and one day, to share my bed with.  You have been for a long time."His words gathered and settled nice and warm in my chest as I tightened my hold on him, pulling him close as we lay in the dying grass of the garden.  "I have loved you for a long time as well, Lord Kiyomasa. I will stay with you as long as you will have me.  All I ask is that you let me know if you change your mind."I could feel him shaking and heard a low chuckle. When he looked up, I saw flames rekindling in his eyes. "Then be ready to be with me until the end of our days. I'm not letting you go anywhere without me."I hugged him tight again, cradling his forehead where my neck met my shoulder. "Yes, milord."~*~

1 Year Blogiversary

So. Hello people. Since 100 followers is still far away for me this was just me taking a chance to appreciate mutual, let me have this. 

All of these could be started with we've never talked/we haven't talked much so. Ehe. That one’s on me folks.

This is just a big, dumb, sappy post that I wouldn't recommend reading tbh.

Thank you to everyone who follows me, no matter for how long. It must get exhausting to see my dumb ass so often.

@wydyuto You were my first follower! When you first followed me it gave me so much confidence to keep going and making moodboards. Thank you so much! 

@igot7-penta-seo You've been dming me all these posts and I feel bad since I never send anything back. One day I will, I promise! It feels so long ago but I just remember reading all your pentagon stuff when I was getting into them and loving your writing and them even more. 

@mrchoiholic Alright since I’m dumb and don’t know when we became mutuals I’m putting you here. I remember my first interaction with you (technically) was I requested a Hoshi fic and then reblogged it because the title was incredible. Then I was Tea anon for a while, which was a good time. You’ve always given me caring older sister vibes even if you’re my ‘mom’. 

@cxvert-edits Oh my goodness hello! So I deleted my insta app. Since you’re mostly on there and I’m mostly on here we don’t really see each other much :(.It took me far too long to realize but I kind of sounded like an ass in our my last dm’s on here so. Very sorry about that, I didn’t really realize how my words sounded at the time. Honestly you were among my first inspirations for moodboards. 

@ladyluck852 Hey bub! I haven’t seen you around much but I hope you’re doing well. You’ve seen a lot of my blog and I hope you’re here for a lot longer. 

@mixtapejoon It seems like you started @/chulobangtan again so I think you’ll see this. I love reading all your stuff and since it seems like you enjoy writing so much I really hope you get the chance to again. With all the crap that went on with that guy and your school I hope you’re doing better now. 

@peachy-bangchan I feel like I don't talk to or about you enough which is an issue I must remedy immediately. I didn't know how popular you were when you followed me so I didn't properly lose my shit. You've really been here for a long time and never once have you stopped supporting me. Thank you, I appreciate that more than I could ever put into words.

@luvhannie Moodboard queen Anna! You’ve given me so much inspiration for moodboards. Motivation, too. I remember when you said you liked my moodboard, I felt amazing for like a week. 

@queerjunhui I just remember being so intimidated by you (still am lol) because you were friends with so many cool people. I think I sent you an anon once as Emotional anon? Maybe that was a dream or something. I started a conversation with you once and I’m pretty sure that was before we became mutuals, interesting. 

@middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich Your URL will always be a mood lol. A lot of your more recent stuff has been Monsta X and non-kpop related but you still follow all my weird bullshit.

@stray-kids-stuff My first official stay mutual! You’re such a darling and I’m glad I found your blog and that discord. I hope you’re doing at least a little better now. 

@han-jxsungs  I clowned myself as ao3 anon that was fun lmao. OMG I just looked and ROSE HELLO MY DARLING ANGEL. If you didn’t get my last ask, just now it was super sappy and gross. I’m glad you’re back but if it gets too much again, don’t hesitate to leave. 

@gryffindor925 lmao hey Aaykta what’s up. I don’t think you use tumblr because wow you must be tired of all this kpop shit. I forget you follow me most of the time. If you ever thought I was curbing my tags to seem less weird at some point it was because I see her in real life and thought that me freaking out about this stuff was super weird. I actually had a dream last night I found your secret kpop blog. 

@finn-shitposts I honestly didn’t connect this blog and your art one until after you were revealed because I’m dumb. You seriously made the most amazing thing. Pun + Jilix, gah that was seriously amazing, and when I think about it I smile. 

@pikachulein Even though I had several very popular blogs follow me before you were the first one I seriously like, panicked about. I have an official offer for you. Feel free to decline because time zones are crap but french learning buddies? 

@ult-bee So we met in a discord server but I feel like I left it? I honestly couldn’t tell you what server it was though. Sorry, boo. Love you though <3

@dreamsevens You made the cutest Junhao drawing ever. You were such a sweet lil anonnie, too. We haven’t really interacted but I see you, boo. 

@jihan You’re both such lil sweeties! Honestly just a wholesome jihan blog, would recommend. Loved being an anon even if it was just a little while. 

@nerdynerdynerdy Iyoniiiiiiiii! You’re just the sweetest lil babe and I feel like I need to protect you. 

@visualgiggles I don’t know how I didn’t see you before we were platonically shipped, but I didn’t. I’m really glad that happened though, and that I had my brief anon stint. 

@3rachad Clowned the hell out of myself and revealed as CB anon (who I still am because I’m cowardly and dumb). Love the new hair cut bb.

@0hyja Ya seem super cool but also. You called Park Jisung rat boy and I don't know if I can truly forgive you for that  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ jkjkjk. I just feel like you don’t like me. One day I’ll get over that and send some asks or something. 

@nanjaemin I always forget you’re younger than me because you talk exactly the same as the other people on here. You baby. Love you darling, don’t let those give you shit.

@ethereal-lix I so often go to send you ask games and then forget entirely. I will make a better effort to interact with you! 

@soulclub My first aroha mutual! I really like seeing all your edits and thank you for co-creating the idea of Aroha Village! I’m trying to write a kind of tour thing for it but it’s not great so. This is embarrassing but you and Bex kind of meld together. I don’t know what it is but the best reason I have is my terrible memory.

@cherry-seungmin My stay host(?)! Wow going to your blog is such an explosion of happiness and Seungmin I love that. It felt like ages ago we were freaking out about Miroh teasers but it was actually March.

@ultkyu You were my lil stay anon! I feel bad that I haven’t made anything for 99kdh. It might take me a little longer yet but I will do it.

@uwujpgs Heeeeeey Bex. I don’t really know what to say :(. Actually. This is embarrassing but sometimes you and Rae just meld together. I don’t know why and then when I get you mixed up I feel bad. But yeah. Stay safe and know I’m figuratively sending you nice candles.

@jinniesmeow I’ll be honest I thought you didn’t like me at first. It sounds dumb but after I joined skzrequests you didn’t follow me so I was just like ‘:} ok.’ I want to honestly apologize because I was kind of ignoring you in the kakao chat. I don't have a reason/excuse for that. An official question for you as well. Feel free to decline because time zones suck but be my unofficial french teacher?

@staytion-nine Pitchfork anon! I have no idea where the anon name came from. I was pretty surprised when I saw the post about you getting a tumblr. Overall you’re just a little dol and I hope to know you better.

@kimwoojin-s I thought I was going to cry when you followed me istg. I’ll talk in the TGS chat. One day, eventually. Take care of yourself and try not to burn out lovely.

@bbywooyoungie  We have interacted exactly 0 times (i’ll send an ask soon, promise). Scrolling down your blog I now notice we have mutual mutuals. I don’t understand how I didn’t see that before, but ok brain sure. 

@re-biirthday Anyone who organizes an anon event is automatically a sweetheart in my book, so there you are. I really liked that sketch you posted today and I hope you’re doing well sweets. 

@xiaocity I saw you in others ask boxes for a loooooooong time but only followed you recently for some reason. Yeah, you just seem super dope and I’m glad we have something in common. Even if it is finding our bias intimidating lol.

@luvjisungs I’ve only seen you around recently but you are an absolute darling. Thank you so much for helping me out that night, I really needed it.

Ok actually I know the tags on my gif post I just did said I wasn’t sure when I’d be back, but I’m feeling strangely articulate tonight so here we go. Long-winded under the cut.

TL;DR - Real life is (and will continue to be) a busy bitch, a writer’s ego is a fragile thing, and my Lightning Struck series (Cullen/Evelyn) can now be considered on indefinite hiatus.

Hi! Yes, I’m alive and well and I really do appreciate the messages asking if I was all right and checking on me. You’re all too sweet and kind, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. Keep that in mind as this ramble continues, please.

This has been a weird year already, and it’s only March. Normally I’d be like “IT’S ALREADY MARCH?!” but no, this year...It’s only March. That’s how I’ve been feeling.

January started off with a weird mood for me. Over the holidays I had the usual  family stress and blahness that comes with adulthood, but a few fandom things happened too that put me into a rather...difficult headspace, shall we say. For one thing, I will say I’ve noticed I’m not the only one who’s pointed out that it feels like the fandom is dying. And it is. Which is sad. I feel like I only just got here - I’ve played DA for years but I only really started to interact with its fandom in late 2017, so for me it was still all fresh and new and exciting. Seeing that die down, compounded with the Tumblr wank, especially, was really disappointing.

As a creator, too, it was hard not to take that personally. It was hard not to take people moving on to other fandoms and interests and things as an indictment on my work. Rational brain knew that that was the problem, rational me knew that we were all just moving on because other things were catching our interest. It’s natural. But dumb, idiot writer brain was struggling with the fact that I was feeling like I was screaming into the void.

What bothered me more was that I even cared. I never once wanted to care about that. I always preach writing for oneself, and that’s why I write. But I hated  the fact that for a time I’d gotten so much feedback that I noticed its absence when it died down a little. And that’s not anyone’s fault, I’m not begging for comments or feedback, seriously. Again, rational me was shrugging and still wanted to write for me because it was fun and I enjoy it, but the fragile writer ego we all carry around inside us took a hit and began to doubt.

It stopped being fun. Especially because it wasn’t necessarily a total lack of feedback - it was, for me, a lack of feedback on what I was actually, currently working on. Over the holidays for some reason I began to get comments on WIPs that I hadn’t updated in ages - asking me for updates. Now, everyone has their own opinion on those sorts of comments, so this is only my own, and take it with a grain of salt and everything I just mentioned above.

It sucked. It absolutely, 100% sucked. Seeing the email notification that I got a comment would bring me so much joy - only to open it to see that it was a comment on something I hadn’t written for in a long time asking me when I’d feel like providing more content for that fic again. I began to feel like fic was a transaction and I was piling up debts. I started to feel like I owed fandom and readers what they wanted, instead of doing this for the reason I started in the first place - for myself.

I know that Rylen is niche. I know that fics that have very little to do with canon are niche. I know that Abby isn’t always super likable. I know that John is off-putting because he’s such a morally ambiguous OC who has nothing to do with DA and makes really shit decisions. I know all of that, and I’ve never expected any of those fics to get any sort of response, so the fact that they’ve gotten the response that they have still blows my mind and makes me insanely, insanely happy. And so I hated that I felt ungrateful, and that I was doubting my work, and that writing and fandom was beginning to feel like a labor and not something I loved.

The more I noticed I was struggling with working on updates, the more I started to think a break might be in order. When some RL stuff finally cropped up, the fact that I was sort of forced into a break was a blessing in disguise, to be honest. I leaned into the skid and let myself step back to reevaluate why I do this and what I want to get out of it. I fell into a new fandom and worked on random pieces of writing for it, which I threw into the voids of ao3 on a second account and only shared for myself and a few friends who were also falling into that fandom with me. I rediscovered the joy of writing and not caring what response I get. I reignited my love of crafting a story a certain way because I wanted to and not because I thought it was where anyone else thought it should go.

I remembered why I love writing in the first place - for myself.

And with that, I finally began to let go of some things, and let myself mull over decisions I’d been putting off or avoiding. I shrugged off the stress of expectation and “owing” anyone my time or effort, and I’m finally back to enjoying myself and my writing, free of doubt.

With that, I have some news, good and bad. The bad news first - my Cullen muse has left the building. I have waited, and hoped, and tried, but at some point he walked out the door and he hasn’t made an appearance since. That isn’t to say that I don’t still love his character or content about him, but personally, I can no longer write his POV or romance. The ability to do so has eluded me for months now, but I’ve accepted this sad truth at long last. Unless he’s trading banter with Rylen or Abby, his muse is no longer whispering in my ear. And that makes me sad, and for all I know he’ll reemerge some day, ready to help me write again. For now, though, that isn’t possible. Which does, unfortunately, mean that my Cullen/Evelyn WIPs are currently either abandoned or on an indefinite hiatus (I’ve tagged them appropriately on ao3 if you’re curious). If I do manage to return to them, I expect to only focus on Moments Passed and Miss Grey. As for what I’ll do about Beautiful Disaster...I’m not quite certain yet.

It did also mean that I was able to let go of something that had bothered me for a while as well. I’m almost positive no one noticed since it’s been kind of off radar for a while, but - my fic What Are the Odds has been orphaned. I’m still proud of it as a fic, but it came with a lot of baggage and my Cullen/Evelyn pairing was just ever so slightly OOC to the point that comments on it made me cringe. I’m a firm believer in not deleting, and so off to the fandom as an orphaned work it went, to be enjoyed without me having to be aware of it at all.

Now, the good news is - I do 100% still plan on writing Abby/Rylen. Their muses are still there and whispering to me, and I definitely want to continue working on the WIPs I have for them. At the moment After Rain might be slow to update (need to figure out how I’m navigating some canon plot to get me from point A to B to C to D and on). But I plan on trying to finish it as well as the others that I have for them. Abby/Ry live on, because I absolutely love them so much, and the idea of writing for them is back to bringing me joy.

I cannot make guarantees on update speed for the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of the year. Currently RL continues to be a shitshow, as I was reminded today, and writing more than a sentence here or there has been difficult. In a few months I will also be moving, and once at my new destination I actually have a Big Project (a writing one I hope to be able to share here, if people are still around/Tumblr is still a thing) that I intend to make my full time focus. My goal has always been to be a writer, and while fanfic has been an amazing way to explore my writing style/storytelling/character voice, I have plans to get published. I’ll have a better opportunity to put those plans into realistic action later this year, which I’m actually really, insanely excited about.

If you have made it this far, THANK YOU. I love this fandom, and I’ve met so many wonderful, lovely, supportive, talented people in it and I have missed you all dearly during my time away. In no way was this a call out post directed at anyone in particular, and in no way was this a “woe is me, please give me attention” cry for help. I’ve just had a lot of thoughts and feelings during this break, and I actually wanted to sort of vocalize them because: 1) wow I already feel better after doing so, and 2) to let other writers know it’s 100% valid to need to take a break or occasionally get in your head about needing validation/feedback/wonder why we do this when it just feels like screaming into a fathomless void. It’s natural and normal and totally human, and if you’re feeling that way, find someone supportive to help you through and take a step back. Everything will be waiting there for you when you’re ready for it. And remember - do it for yourself because it’s something you enjoy.

xx

Ye Olde Tag Game

Tagged by @jaywrites101​. (OK, if you’ve read any of these, you probably know the drill by now: “read” and “book” can and will be substituted with “watch/play” and “story.” Because I don’t actually read all-that-many books, but I consume mountains of stories in other formats.)

1: What book have you read a million times and would read a million times more? And why?

I will never get tired of watching Durarara!! I LOVE the characters, their dynamics, the twisty plot that just keeps building on itself -- and I never seem to stop noticing little character quirks or hidden details!

2: Which OC of your current wip did you come up with first?

Not many OCs going on at the moment. And by that I mean, I have none that I can actually TELL you about right now. Try again in a few months, lol!

3: What piece of world-building gave or is giving you the most trouble?

Believe it or not, the freaking Marauders’ Map was a headache-and-a-half to figure out workable mechanics that didn’t give Danny away. Thankfully, JK gave us little enough to go on for how it works that I could more-or-less make it up.

(If you’re interested in how I decided the Map works in PM: The Map shows the Hogwarts’ ghosts because they are “tied” to the Grounds, but it would not show a non-tied ghost if one was to appear. It DOES NOT show dementors because, while they are tangible and sentient beings, they do not have names. Phantasm physiology is closer to that of a dementor than a ghost, but in this case, the ectoplasmic/non-corporeal nature of his body wins out. In this case, the Map treats him like a “non-tied ghost,” rather than a “named dementor.”

I decided on these mechanics for plot reasons because we aren’t told about the Map showing unnamed animals OR dementors in the books.)

4: What type of scene is your favorite to write? Why?

I love writing scenes with lots of suspense and moving parts! Any scene that I can see playing out in my head like a movie, I absolutely LOVE putting on a page. (Such as the opening fight scenes in PM, the biting/kissing part of the OSW “Chocolate Blood,” or Hiyori’s temper-tantrum in OSW “Petty Irreplaceable”)

5: (Stealing this one) What chapter of your main wip is your favorite? Why?

Ah! Finally a question I can (kind of) answer using Crossroad of Infinity!

My favorite chapter WILL (probably) be the final chapter of the book. ... Y’know, actually... My favorite chapters of longer WIPs almost always ARE the last (or second-to-last, in the case of PM) chapters. Huh...

6: If your OCs the characters in your WIP were transplanted into another genre (say, fantasy to sci-fi or sci-fi to horror), what would their new occupations be?

Well, we’ve lived through just about everything... Yo, Noctu! You answer this one. I’m running on empty here.

(Seriously? No crazy color fonts on PC? It’s Pride Month, you losers! Come fix this!) “Occupations” huh? Heh. Tess once was a barma-

AAAAAANNNNDDD that was a mistake. I really should’ve known better. Noctu has been bored out of their mind in this dimension.

Can you really blame me? There’s NOTHING interesting or different about this world’s physics! I’ve seen all of this a million times. ... LITERALLY!!!

7: How well would you survive if you were dropped into the world of your main wip?

We HAVE lived them! CofI is LITERALLY OUR LI-

If you’re going to be a grumpy-butt, then go back to studying the Crossroad and stop yelling at the readers.

8: Which of your OCs is the scariest, or if none are scary, which is the sweetest? Why?

[ (<< ) Wait for Noctu to lose intereeeessst.... Aaaand GONE!] You wouldn’t know it by how they’ve been acting recently, but Noctu is basically “the Mom/Dad.” They get attached SUPER easily, and once they do, they go straight into “protecc-mode!” As for scary, that’d be me. ...We go to great pains sometimes to keep me from getting “hungry.”

9: What would you say was the one thing that sparked the idea for your main wip?

For Phantasma Magica, I didn’t actually come up with it -- I adopted the fic from Atrieisan YEARS ago. But the main PLOT TWIST/cliffhanger was all me. The idea for THAT occurred when I was rewatching the Prisoner of Azkaban movie one day and wondered “So what would happen if-”(you can fill this in after PM is over)

10: Describe the space you write in like you’re telling a story.

I wait for the noise to disappear from the house. A last call of “Goodnight” hits my ears through the door -- and I emerge. All is quiet and dark. I make my way by memory to the lamp, and the room is lit with a soft glow. I can see the driveway through the large window taking up half the wall. There’s a soft woosh as the occasional car passes by. I set the lap-tray down on the couch and fetch my snack: some beef jerky, an orange, a cup of water, and maybe some coffee and some crackers. I sit and place the blanket over my feet, move the tray over me lap, grab the laptop from the table beside me -- and my night begins.

Perhaps I’ll start with some episodes of Tsubasa. I need to eat first to think clearly anyway, so I might as well continue the series. I want to fulfill that OSW request, after all...

11: What is the first thing you remember reading and thinking ‘This inspires me to write’?

The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Danny Phantom one on the nickelodeon website. (It has long since been deleted by the people in charge of the forum for lack of interaction with or updates on the post.) This was almost a decade ago, though, so I don’t remember much about it. It was an OC-insert and there was something about Ember’s sister also being a music-themed ghost, but preferring acoustic/country...?

Tagging whoever. Feel free to do this if you want!

Endgame Spoilers

Sorry, had to delete the original version of this because I tried to make an edit on my phone and it messed up my formatting. So this post is full of massive spoilers for Endgame. Seriously. Don’t open it if you’ve not seen the movie yet - it’s not going to make sense to you anyway. If you have seen it and you’re confused by some of the sci-fi mechanics of the movie, this might help...

Alright I’m seeing a lot of confusion around what is happening with the time travel in Endgame, so I’m going to do my best to explain my understanding of how it works. This is based on one viewing that took place at midnight, so there are almost certainly mistakes. I hope you’ll forgive me for them.

Time travel in stories works in many different ways, here are some of the main ones:

A. Back to the Future style – changing events in the past changes the future, BUT doesn’t change you. So when you go forwards in time again you might find you no longer exist or your Mum has married an asshole, and you’re aware these things have changed. B. Almost Back to the Future style (sorry can’t think of a good example for this) – changing events in the past changes the future and does affect you. This could mean the future version of you just vanishes or you become a different person. Basically that future is wiped out but the actions relating to time travel that you took in that future still must have happened. It’s a paradox but we roll with it. The possible negative consequences of this for the time-travelling version of you are pretty limitless, but on a positive you’ll never know about them.

C. The Azkaban Approach – this is how time travel exists in the Harry Potter universe (we do not speak of Cursed Child). Basically you cannot change the past/present/future by time travel. Whatever happens has already happened. You may, however, have to make sure those things happen.

D. The Discworld Dilemma (sorry, I can’t resist alliteration) – basically history wants to happen how it’s supposed to happen, although you might try to change things it will basically begin to heal itself one way or another – unless wizards, Death, gods or mystical monks living in the mountains get involved. This is more or less how Doctor Who works too.

E. Multi-verse Mechanics – basically every possible action every person in the universe is taking is creating infinite other alternate versions of that universe ALL THE TIME. When you change something by time travel you end up in a different alternate. I guess this is really similar to A/B depending on what happens to the you skipping between the universes – it’s just a different way of thinking about it.

In the movie they specifically say that A and B won’t work – because this movie-verse won’t allow time-paradoxes. Version D also clearly doesn’t work. And we can rule out E based on the Ancient One’s comments to Bruce about parallel realities being BAD and damaging your current universe (although that in itself raises issues with a lot of other comic-verse stuff). I’m going to come back to C later. Which leaves us with what Endgame is doing:

F. Personal timelines must be linear – i.e. your personal timeline may take place in lots of different timeframes, going backwards and forwards in time, without issue UNLESS you affect a past version of yourself. In that case the A and B paradox issues kicks in and, as you may end up not being the version of you that went time travelling in the first place, you (and the universe) is probably fucked.    - This is why they can’t bring the dusted back until after they complete the actions to reverse Thanos’ actions – i.e. you couldn’t have them dusted and un-dusted instantaneously. Because if you did that none of the things that happened in the intervening five years would happen and you wouldn’t become the people with the capability to undo the dusting and then you have a massive paradox.    - Obviously it’s more complicated than just your personal actions, because any person who’s actions you change could end up altering the course of the future. Even moving an object a few feet could have massive unseen consequences.    - This means that during the time travel heist the least interaction with the past they can manage the better. For example, if Steve had gone into the lift and killed or seriously hurt any of the hydra agents – that could easily change the future, because that person could have done something in the future that contributed to the circumstances in the present etc...    - Because of this there is absolutely no way for people, primarily Steve, to go back and alter historical issues in his own timeline - i.e. he can’t stop the rise of Hyrda or save Bucky any earlier without fucking up the entire universe.

The team’s inability to not alter anything in the past and (possibly) their active decisions to change things obviously presents us with some issues, here are some of the ones I’ve seen discussed/was confused by myself and how/if they’re resolved in the story: 

- Thanos and his chums – Thanos going forward to the future before he ever used the infinity stones and then being destroyed obviously creates a massive paradox. Luckily Tony is more than smart enough to realise this, so we can assume that what he actually did was send Thanos and his army back to before they intercepted Nebula’s consciousness. This puts all of Infinity Wars/Endgame into a fixed time-loop that will always play out the same. Although I can understand the symbolic significance of making what happened look like the dusting, I sort of wish they’d given it a green glow or mentioned the time loop or something to make this clearer. [RESOLVED – though not firmly stated in the movie]**

- The stones/Mjolnir not being where they need to be. Presumably we just need to accept Steve’s mission has put all this right, although I don’t remember him having anything big enough to be carrying the sceptre (it was 3am though, so maybe there was) – so we’re going to just have to imagine how he restored all the stones to their former states. [RESOLVED]

- Present-Steve telling Past-Steve about Bucky – luckily this was an easy fix as he was holding the mind stone at the time and we see him use it to wipe Steve’s memory of the encounter. [RESOLVED]

- Loki vanishing with the tesseract – both versions of the tesseract we see in this movie need to be put back and whilst the Shield base version is *relatively* simple (let’s not ask how many Steve Roger’s are running about New York at a time), Loki’s is not - this one we don’t see resolved in this story. We could assume that Steve fixes it during his mission, using the tesseract he has to track down Loki before returning it to the Shield base. However, I think it’s more likely we will see the solution to this either in the Loki tv show or Guardian’s 3. [UNRESOLVED]

- Impact of knocking out Quill/Tony’s heart attack/the lift people thinking Steve is Hydra etc. – basically I could see ways that all the “small” changes we see in the movie could have fundamentally important impacts. Tony thinking his heart is failing? Wouldn’t that impact his behaviour afterwards? Quill waking up and realising he was randomly unconscious for an unknown length of time? None of this is really resolved in the story, but we’re just going to have to assume it didn’t really as the universe didn’t explode. [RESOLVED???]

- Steve marrying Peggy – I think this is the one I’ve seen most people frustrated by, because it seems the hugest change, and this is where I’m coming back to C. I think the Azkaban Approach is in play here, with a side order of Doctor/River weirdness. Steve ALWAYS married Peggy. I went back and watched their meeting in the hospice again last night and if you look at her pictures on the bedside table, there are pictures of her with her kids but not her husband, BECAUSE her husband is Steve and they knew they couldn’t risk having photos of him on display/anyone finding out. The Peggy we see in that hospital bed knows she can’t tell that version of Steve they were married, because he hasn’t defeated Thanos yet. And she knows she has to allow him to suffer and lose everyone and defeat Thanos because the future-Steve that came back in time to marry her, told her about it. There’s the River and Doctor weirdness for you, their timelines are not in sync, they meet each other out of order (for Peggy at any rate) but with secrecy and carefulness they can make it work. And they know they can make it work because they already did. I love it but I can understand it’s a bit of a head-fuck. And, of course, there are cruelties to it. Steve can’t tackle Hydra taking over Shield or Bucky being tortured because if he does it causes a paradox and the universe is destroyed. That must be terrible but at least that version of Steve knows how it all works out, knows he left Bucky healthy and happy and as much at peace as it is possible to be. [RESOLVED – at least for me]

OK – what did I miss? What still doesn’t make any sense? Any other thoughts? – Although please be careful to tag things properly if commenting, so people don’t get accidentally spoilt.

** Extra note – I have seen a lot of discussion about where Endgame leaves Gamora and basically we don’t know. Which is cool. It all comes down to how Tony worded/understood his use of the infinity stones. If he wished everyone who was out of time back to their correct times, she’s gone and probably trapped in the time loop (although now time travel is an active super hero skill, who knows). If it was more along the lines of him sending the people they were fighting against back to their correct times, the fact that she had already switched times might have saved her. She’ll still be past-Gamora but she’s out there in the present somewhere.

My Tumblr History (feat. a LOT of rambling, I apologize)

I’ve been on Tumblr 9 years. I came to Tumblr from Xanga (which IDK if that’s even still a thing or not) after being thoroughly obsessed with latter for about 4 or so years. Xanga was much more of a typical blog blog, and though I interacted with far less people on it, those few I did became honest to god friends that I still think about to this day. Though, as years past, my few friends began to drop off one by one from the site and I found myself enjoying it much less once they were gone. Eventually, I left too.

A few months later, I decided to join Tumblr. It was still a fairly new site in 2010 when I had joined, and I had only heard a few things here and there around the internet before I decided to check it out myself. When I first started, I used this site a lot like I used Xanga and basically had it exclusively as an internet journal to talk about life and nerdy shit and the like (I remember even thinking the reblog option was dumb because why not just make your own content? Why reblog other peoples stuff? loooool) and also did a lot of those writing daily challenges. Do you guys remember those? I loved them. Anyway...

Needless to say as time went on and I got older and followed more people and gained more followers (some of you have been here from very early on and for that I am incredibly thankful) as dweeby as this may sound, I really grew as a person. God, I remember 9 years ago I would sometimes post uncredited art or really insensitive, not funny at all, “jokes” because I honestly didn’t see a problem with them (and the only reason I really remember these awful things is occasionally once in a blue moon random people would find them in the bowels of my blog and like them and I would shudder and delete them). I kinda started Tumblr as this young social media doofus that, again as cheesy as it sounds, learned a lot and grew from my experience here. I would never dream of posting uncredited art now, and those “jokes” make me want to vomit. I learned a lot about social issues through this blog and it also helped me open up and learn about my sexuality. I got to see a broader world view from all different walks of life here (which was incredibly refreshing after growing up in a very close knit predominately white republican community) , and met some fantastic humans I’m blessed to have interacted with and become their friend. I never would have met them without this site!

Not to mention just like... all the cool shit. There are SO many talented people on Tumblr. So much beautiful art, fantastic writing, and just all round hilarious and interesting humans that I loved to get even a small peak into their lives and learn about them and what they like and do for fun. I’ve picked up hobbies through this site, joined fandoms through this site, made friends, laughed endlessly, become inspired, found some of my favorite anime/books/movies, and have had so much fun in these nine years on Tumblr.

... Not to say that it hasn’t been without it’s bad. I’ve been here long enough to remember when Tumblr users proudly boasted about how open and inviting to any and all people they were, how they would never point fingers, be mean, or turn others away. Boy, how that has changed looool. I’ve been through the annoying but innocent enough superwholocks and the scandals of older users who used to be Tumblr royalty that fucked up in some way and fell from grace, to the disgrace of people who are totally fine humans that didn’t completely cater to exactly what certain people wanted or made a few wrong steps that people felt like they had to attack them viciously for the littlest asinine shit. The good the bad and the ugly, all the way through to now.

Now. :(

To be frank, this entire site has been a disaster for a loooooooooong time with a staff that seems to be equal mix of not knowing at all how to run a functioning site and not giving a shit at all about it’s user base and their feelings (which reeeeeeeally sucks for all the fantastic content creators and people who have been here forever who have essentially made this site what it is). Little things like ‘oh we made an update that ‘everyone’ will love but is actually dumb as hell and just pisses people off’ to their have been porn bots, pedos, and nazis on this site for YEARS terrorizing people and being awful but guess that is just how it will be... Until they got banned from the app store and THEN it’s an issue (because they lost money ofc)!

Suddenly, Tumblr staff cares, but only for themselves. Instead of actually resolving the issue THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS AND IS AN EXTREMELY WELL KNOW AND COMPLAINED ABOUT ISSUE they just decide fuck it, punish everyone. No “porn” at all, but I use that term lightly because they say some nudity is allowed (don’t get me started on female presenting nipples it also makes me laugh to hard and then I won’t be able to type) and for some reason apparently written erotica is allowed (which makes absolutely zero sense if you are truly trying to make this a ‘family friendly’ site, why is visual porn not allowed but written OK?) but... Is it really? Posts that are completely innocent are getting tagged left and right as not suitable content. Like, thousands of posts are getting tagged by whatever stupid algorithm they are using that are completely void of anything remotely sexual and you expect me to believe your incompetent asses are going to go through them and deem which are OK and which aren’t based on you shoddy stupid ass new rules? Fuck that. 

And all the sex workers and people and run side blogs and NSFW art blogs and the like are just completely screwed (no pun intended). It upsets me because like... Porn blogs have never been the issue. There are definitely some horrible ones, no denying that, but for the most part they just stayed in their lane and interacted with other porn blogs. They weren’t the issue (And, if Tumblr knew at all how to create a damn site, they wouldn’t have been an issue at all if the damn safe mode toggle actually worked like it was supposed to). The ungodly amount of bots is the fucking issue. I can tell you right now, I have over a thousand followers and I am in no way kidding when I say half of those are porn bots that I just gave up reporting because I get like, 3 of them following me a week on average. It’s ridiculous! Also, ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD PORN? THAT IS EASILY ACCESSIBLE EVEN WHEN NOT LOOKING UP ANYTHING NSFW (which I very unfortunately know through experience)? And to top it all off, fucking NAZIS who for some reason are still allowed to spew their bullshit on this site??? Is this a nightmare?

So with all this happening, I believe it’s pretty safe to say Tumblr’s days are numbered. It makes me laugh and cry, it’s something you could see coming a mile away and yet something that you didn’t think would actually happen. I don’t want to leave Tumblr. I love you guys (the users not the staff). You have all brought joy and enrichment to my life and I am so grateful I got to be here with you. I also just like a lot of nuances of tumblr, like the fact I can read an entry so powerful and moving it brings me to tears and then just one post underneath is an over baked nonsensical cat meme which has me wheezing for reasons I can’t quite explain. I can be anonymous and as weird as I want to here without having to really worry about family, coworkers, or older friends seeing it and being like WTF is wrong with you, what does all this mean??? I like how my blog looks and how I can bitch in the tags and chat with my friends and message people and talk about my oc’s and randoms interests and get pointers and learn new things and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I love Tumblr. I don’t want to leave and don’t necessarily plan to. But then again, I said they same thing about Xanga, and if Tumblr keeps going in the way it is going... I’m not sure I really truly  want to be lumped in with that. :/

Now this has already been entirely too long (and honestly I’m kind of feeling how I did when I started this blog in 2010 lul) but lemme say this: Thanks guys, I had a whole lot of fun. And if I do end up leaving sometime in the maybe not to distant future know that I will always be lurking around somewhere on the internet, and I had the best time while I was here. I wish nothing but the best for all of you, and may we all be able to remain a happy and dysfunctional little group, if not here, somewhere much better.

Please blog about hp when you read them, I love talking about so much hahaha. I really wish I would be following more blogs on here that focus on hp but it would take time to get into it and find good blogs. I still struggle with that even in this fandom. So many people I follow have problems with each other and I am just so confused? Like I just want to follow decent people and have a good time and it‘s hard so I take time off as much as I can (as I said multiple times I know) and just come on here to reblog cute things like YOUR LYRIC EDIT! Cuuuuuuuute! Such a nice present for your friend. 🥺🥺🥺

While scrolling through your reblogs - all so cute I swear - I did see something we don‘t have in common though so I thought I’d tell you, just to spice things up: I can‘t get into Taylor Swift. I was such a die hard fan the first two albums (I was so fucking little lol) and then she started heavily on the pop and then I just lost her? I mean I understand her talent and lyrically she is really amazing but she ist just nobody I can or want to listen to. Okay kill me now hahaah. How did you come to like her music? Maybe give me three of your favourite songs and I promise to try again. 😅

Moooving on: I can only imagine how cool it must be to become friends with someone over creating something together. That is a really good foundation for friendship or at least connection because you automatically have to get personal and open up, right? At least that‘s how I see it... It‘s one of the things I wish I had in my life. Sharing my creativity with others, even friends, you know?

A comfort album... yes absolutely! 🥺

I have a 1D Playlist where I have all their songs collected and when I put that on I just let it run through and I don‘t really get to the point where I can skip because it‘s like a Mood™️ if that makes sense haha. But yeah I totally get that you‘d only trust Niall with Little Things and he would never let you down. When Liam sang it I was like „Nice, thanks for the memories, amazing vocals“ ajsklsn. Maybe I should start hating some songs too, builds personality hahah.

I am so sorry you had such a weird weekend. And sorry you had those cramps again. 😫 I am already dreading mine. 😭 Why did you stop taking the pill, if you don‘t mind answering that? I stopped because I couldn‘t handle the hormones at all. I hope you get this figured out! Please keep me updated. 💓 Oh and I think you have a healthy relationship with crying and it‘s good to be open about it! If it helps I cried today too, yayyy! Is there anything I can do to cheer you up though maybe? Oh and tell me why your book is depressing? We should opening a book club honestly. I am currently crying over rwrb, I finally got some time to really get into it and am almost finished and... NOT OK. Wow okay I have been ranting again. Hope you had a better day! x

I definitely will! When I get back home I’ll read them and I can tag the posts, it’s gonna be so fun! I don’t follow hp blogs :/ I think I follow just one but I don’t even remember the url sjdhjd

If you need chill people to follow I recommend all my mutuals! I’m a strong advocate in having a curated online experience and most of my mutuals are drama free blogs 🤍

Thank you beer nony 🥺🥺🥺I just realised I never made you anything for your bday 😔😔😔 I’m so so so so sorry skdjjdjd next edit is dedicated to you, and I’m also gonna make something for tee! Lately all my post are gifts for mutuals and I love that

I won’t kill you JDHDJD it’s okay, I like Taylor but I’m nowhere near a hardcore stan so I don’t really mind it, also I understand what you’re saying, albums like 1989 and reputation are completely pop and tbh they’re not my fav albums lol 😳 although they both have songs that I LOVE, she never misses. Two of my best friends are swifties, and me and my other best friend are 1d stans so everytime we hang out we play taylor and 1d dkdhdjdj that’s kinda how it happened I think

If you miss the old taylor, my recommendations is ofc folklore and evermore! Cozy comfort albums, goes back to her roots a little bit more, it’s definitely not pop. My fav album is red for sure, and I know you don’t like her pop music but lover is just spectacular and you can’t miss it

Top songs for me are (in no particular order) red, the story of us, miss Americana, state of grace, holy ground, the lakes, no body no crime, champagne problems, gold rush, come back be here, New Romantics and getaway car! And I’m sure I’m missing so many gems too! But yeah, if you want to give her a second chance, red, lover and evermore are my recommendations! And you can check out the folklore online concert on disney+

Ohhh nony 🥺🥺🥺 you’re right, it’s a very nice feeling, and that’s how I always make friendships really djjfjd idk other ways to interact :/ and you can do it! I would love to see what you make, maybe it’s harder irl but online you can make so many friends sharing your art! And I would love to see it

Djdhjdjd I totally get the mood feeling, bc it is a vibe for sure 🤍 ugh I love Niall, he’s the only man I trust

Thank you nony! This time I didn’t suffer near as much as the last time but still not fun. I stopped bc of some logistic problems with the pharmacy djdjdj and I wasn’t really having sex so why bother yk? (Funny story the other day my ex asked me if I wanted to go to his house and I had a full breakdown that made me delete my Instagram so, yeah, that’s my sex life). Besides a little breakout on my skin once in a while I didn’t have many side effects but now I’m really struggling with it now. Mine have a very little dose of hormones so it didn’t affect me much, but yeah some pills can be so bad :( I’m sorry to hear that, and don’t worry I’ll keep you updated

Yay crying 🤍 lol djdhdjd idk if I have a healthy relationship with crying, it’s either nothing or all at once but I’m getting better with it.

The book is about very triggering stuff that I really don’t want to mention bc I would have to filter this post and I don’t feel like it skdhdjdhd but it ended on a nice note, so it’s okay

I had a great day today! Honestly yesterday was the stress and the hormones acting up on me, now I’m more chill and I feel better, so thank you love 🤍 enjoy your week!

it’s ml editor appreciation week, so I have to give shoutout to the server that motivates me every single day to make gifs for the ml fandom~

brace yourself folks it’s gonna be a long and sappy one

I joined the fandom this time last year and even though I loved making gifs for the show, motivation was hard to come by and that led me to almost deleting this blog. I told myself though that I should stick around for a bit and see if I still wanted to stay.

Soon enough, I was asked to join a discord server where ml gifmakers and editors could talk and interact. I said yes, obviously, because this meant that I could get to know more people and also because I’m not the type of person to approach people first, so this was a great opportunity to talk to others in the fandom.

What started off as a simple group chat turned into a budding friendship between everyone of us. I’m so thankful that it turned out like this and you guys means the absolute world to me, I hope you all know that.

You guys are the reason I didn’t leave, the reason I didn’t delete this blog. You guys are my source of motivation and the reason I want to improve my editing skills.

There are moments when I talk to you guys and think to myself ‘Thank God I didn’t deactivate.’ because then I wouldn’t be able to interact with awesome people like you all. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you guys for everything ♡

I’m gonna talk about specific people now (below the cut bc it’s gonna be full of sap ayy)

@ladyofacat — I nicknamed you as the mom of the group in my head ajksdhbkasjhdk anyways thank you so much for creating and inviting me to the server because really, without it I wouldn’t be able to create what I consider ‘good content’ on my blog than if it didn’t exist. ily the anitaaaa ♡

@miraculousladybuggifs — sarah babeeeee you’re my biggest hypewoman, everytime i see your tags on my gifsets i get so happy and my heart swells aaaaaa thank you for being such a big supporter of my sets ♡ if you need someone to fight by your side in any sort of battle, I volunteer to do so asjdhfkj ilyyy

@bananagreste — zueeee I looked up to you before we started talking and like had a minor freak out when i saw you in the server ajkhsdh you’ve always been so supportive of my gifs and so motivational whenever I felt insecure about them, so thank you so much for motivating me at my lowest points ♡ ps. your gifs are my reason to live

@vyctornikiforov — isabella the support of my edits from you means the absolute world to me and the way you hype them up makes me feel really good about myself aaaaa thank you for being so supportive ily ily ily ♡

@adriexnette — clalaaa we’ve known each other since our frozen days (rip) and it’s so nice to know that we’re still here with our love for miraculous alksdhflk you’re amazing and your support means everything to me ily so so so much girl ♡

@seaweedbraens — vani omg i love your gifs so much??? what in perfection??? you’ve also been so supportive of everything that i do and im super thankful for that ♡ thank you so much ilysm babeee

@marinette-buginette — i looked up to you even before we started talking in the serve ajsdkhfgk thank you for the support you give out not just for my edits but everything in general ♡ ily flaviaaaa p.s. if you call your gifs fugly one more time i will actually fly to your place and fight you 

@inklizard — kiz i love your edits so much wtf im in awe with the dedication you put into your sets because gimp is so damn hard to use ajhsdbfkjadk thank you for the love you give out for my gifs, they mean so damn much to me ok ily ♡ 

@miraculous-content — candy i swear no matter how many times you’ll try and stop me from complimenting you, i will rise from my grave and do it again a million more times. you’re so talented ok and i admire your edits so much asjdhfkasd thank you for the support you give for my edits ily ♡

@asianladybug — justine istg whenever i see you complimenting my sets i cry of happiness and almost burst into tears (that’s embarrassing to admit but WHATEVER) thank you for that love and support it means everything to me aaaaa ilyy ♡

@smirkingkeith — i looked up to you before meeting you in the server aaaaaa you and i have that same amount of love for mari and adrienette it’s almost scary akjhdsfhks anyways i love your gifs and edits they’re so good???? thank you also for the support you give of my sets ily shirley ♡

@serizawazs — kei omg where do i begin i love your edits so much they’re so bright and gorgeous and aaaaaaa i just really love them?? thank you for supporting me and my edits ♡ ily you wonderful human being

@jamiereyes, @tourmei, @chatnoirs-baton — we don’t talk very much (bc im too much of an anxious nerd whenever i try to start conversations) but man i look up to you guys so much??? i love all of your edits and sets, i cry whenever i see them because they’re so good??? y’all are amazing i swear and ily guys ♡

Thank you all so much for supporting my gifs, edits, and other shenanigans. You guys mean the absolute world to me and I’m so lucky and thankful that I got to know you all. ♡

p.s. I blame you lot for getting me into voltron ok bye