#a real Trans Man Moment
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really feeling the lack of people like me irl. most of my friends are cis girls or fem enbies who just. don't get it. the few trans guys i DO know have very supportive families (one of them has been on t for years). like. what am i supposed to do with this. what am i supposed to do with my incredibly queerphobic parents and inability to cut my hair even though it kills me to look in the mirror and forced dress-wearing that makes me feel like shit all day.
#today we went to a shopping complex area after our competition and i was following around one of the two friends i have in choir#i was already feeling very dysphoric and sick at this point#so of course she and her group (all extremely fem cis girls) decide to go to sephora#and bath and body works#and francescas#and i cant just go off on my own so i stand awkwardly in the corner scrolling through the transmasc dysphoria tag#and said friend comes up to me joking about how much i must hate these stores and tries to find blush that suits me or whatever the fuck#things like this are what make me say “i hate femininity” and then i have to do a mental course correction#“i hate people assuming im feminine” “i hate feminity for myself” “i hate being expected to be feminine”#“i hate being surrounded by feminine girls as a masc trans guy” except that one was kinda my fault#slight upside is that i saw them cooing over dresses or earrings or smth idk and felt so extremely removed from whatever they had going on#a real Trans Man Moment#well. anyway#pigeon coos
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hiiii… i wanted to ask more about this particular val scene where mc and her talk about that portrait and mc is a bit stuck on the word husband and wants val to know theyre not a man. can i ask what inspired that type of convo? i wanted to know if it’s something you’ll touch up on again? is this underlying feelings mc had before their entombment… worried that val sees them as a man just because mc is masc? cause i know that’s kind of broader discussion in the lesbian community iirc….. was that why you wanted to incorporate it? this ask has so many questions LOL but basically i wanted to say i was intrigued and it did made me think more on those type of dynamics (thinking back to those resources you rb’d a while ago that go more into depth about diff things in the lesbian community)
oh boy get ready for another long-winded answer from me!
a lot of the feelings mc has about their gender are inspired by Leslie Feinberg's work (mainly Stone Butch Blues)
Feinberg was someone who lived & passed as a man for years of hir life, and wrote a lot about the complexities of hir gender and what it was like being a "gender outlaw."
there was actually a scene in particular from sbb that kinda put the kernel of an idea in my mind that led to this narrative of the mc feeling overshadowed by Standard and anxious about being perceived as a man. it's towards the end of the book when Jess (sbb's protagonist) meets Ruth (a trans woman that Jess falls in love with)
Jess offers to help Ruth carry groceries up to her apartment, and Ruth takes this the wrong way & is offended, partly because she thinks Jess is a man.
One Saturday afternoon I found her clutching two huge bags of groceries and fumbling with the downstairs front-door lock. I pulled out my key.
“Here, let me.” She didn’t say thank you. She hurried ahead of me on the stairs.
“Can I help you carry those?” I offered.
“Do I look weak to you?” she asked.
I stopped on the stairs. “No. Where I come from it’s just a sign of respect, that’s all.”
She continued up the stairs. “Well, where I come from,” she called out, “men don’t reward women for pretending to be helpless.” Once I heard her apartment door close I kicked the stair in anger and frustration.
later, after they get to know each other better, they have this interaction:
I laughed and picked at my salad. “Do you know if I’m a man or a woman?”
“No,” Ruth said. “That’s why I know so much about you.”
I sighed. “Did you think I was a man when you first met me?"
She nodded. "Yes. At first I thought you were a straight man. Then I thought you were gay. It’s been a shock for me to realize that even I make assumptions about sex and gender that aren’t true. I thought I was liberated from all of that.”
I smiled. “I didn’t want you to think I was a man. I wanted you to see how much more complicated I am. I wanted you to like what you saw.”
i think the inspiration here is quite obvious, hahaha. i figure anyone that's read sbb can sense the similar through-line here in my work. though the conversation between mc and Valentina has a much different tone.
there's another scene later as well after something happens to Jess and she has to have her jaw wired shut. she's working at a new job and is unable to speak, and she's also passing as a man at this job. she overhears some of her female coworkers talking about her and they refer to her as a "creep" and speculate that she's always watching one of them. Jess overhears all of this and then walks out of the job, goes home and pulls the wires out of her mouth herself:
After I was sure I’d gotten the last piece of wire out of my gums, I rinsed my mouth with whiskey and then drank the rest of it so I could sleep without remembering how Marija’s words had stripped me of my humanity.
butches & gnc women still face this kind of dehumanization; compared or likened to men in a derogatory way, accused of being "heteropatriarchal," the predatory stereotype of the fat ugly lesbian, and on the other side they're also hypersexualized, especially online and in queer spaces. butchphobia is a specific kind of misogyny that hits from all sides, even from the people that are supposed to be a part of your community. and this attitude especially effects trans women and women of color, who are already experiencing all of these things due to transmisogyny and racism.
i also really wanted to use this to touch on the kind of gender essentialism that we see in a lot of these cis feminist discussions - to these women at this job, Jess had committed no real crime other than being quiet and being the “wrong” kind of man. something about this scene has always stuck with me and really bothered me, but it's hard to put into words; on one hand i can admit i have probably been one of those women who made some kind of similar remark about a man i barely knew, but i've also been someone on the receiving end, too, because of the way i look. the mc in blood choke is put into this box, but they can't fit in, as someone who has been on both sides and doesn't really understand where they belong because of it; how can she stand beside Valentina or Hana or Clear when they might see her as a perpetrator, someone who can't be trusted? how does this mindset harm both the women and the men of the council and everyone in between? how can we break this cycle?
one of the films i mentioned recently when talking about the character designs was The Same Difference, which is specifically about the Black lesbian community and the discrimination within that community based upon gender roles (though this is not something limited to just the Black lesbian community)
a lot of the women in that doc talk about the boxes they're put in as AG or stud lesbians - they can't have their hair long, they can't wear makeup, they can't do this or that, they have to be aggressive and hard or else they're not real studs. they discuss stud on stud (or butch4butch) and how other lesbians look down on those types of lesbians, as well as the disdain for bisexual women for "betraying" the community. it explores the way misogyny and the patriarchy still oppress these women and forces them into this restrictive gender role despite their refusal to adhere to the other role originally assigned to them, and the way racism specifically intersects and exacerbates it for Black lesbians. there's a stud that's an exotic dancer and wears a weave, and a lot of other studs have a problem with this because a weave is "a female thing." another section follows a pregnant stud, and how the community shuns her for that, because she "dresses like a man and acts like a man" so why is she getting pregnant when she should be "the man"?
mc doesn't remember how they felt before entombment, but waking up they feel this need to prove themselves - both in that they are hard and aggressive like a butch should be, but also in that they want to be this person for Valentina or Clear or Hana (or all of them) that is safe and comforting. but they aren't sure how to do that when the world perceives them as this one specific thing - as a husband, as Standard, as a man, specifically this man who hurt Valentina.
of course we've already seen this to not be true of the companions with the last chapter as the mc learns more and spends more time with everyone. but this is kind of the foundation of where this whole idea came from. it started with my novel & i chose vampires for that story & this one because there is a long history of lesbian vampirism (and also because it's sexy) but there's this "curse" that both Hana & Valerie talk about in their respective stories, the first one being the racism she's had to face, the transphobia, along with this alienation and perception of lesbians as predatory and conniving and aggressive, as vampires, which i just think really lends itself to expanding upon these issues lesbians & trans women face both in general and within the community.
anyways if you want to read more i suggest Stone Butch Blues, which you can get for free on Leslie Feinberg's website, as well as S/he, by Minnie Bruce Pratt, available on the internet archive, Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon also on the internet archive, and you can rent The Same Difference for $10 on vimeo.
#im gonna be real idk if this makes sense to anyone but me. lmfao#but basically leslie feinberg is a huge inspiration for me#and just exploring the way homophobia and transphobia and misogyny all intersect when someone is gnc#and the expectations put on them#i think about butch al a lot and the things she says to jess and the way that section of the book plays out#and then in the end when the cops raid the bar#al and jess are fags except for what the cops did to al and the way they dehumanize her#how the mc is considered a man in certain instances - when the girls throw a brick at her or when the woman yells at her in the bathroom#or when atlas shakes hands with her and calls her their man#but other times she's a 'proper lady' with V or when that man gives her and Hana a dirty look in the elevator#or when cassius says 'ladies first'#mc is always one or the other whatever is convenient and degrades her the most in the moment#you know?#i dont know. im just saying stuff#basically i want to explore these gendered expectations & stereotypes and how they harm someone vulnerable like mc#how they feel alienated even from V & hana & clear for not being butch enough#but also for being butch and trans in the first place and feeling like an infiltrator#ask#anonymous
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I feel like i should make a post saying i hate Jason for April Fool's Day but ngl that's kinda what i do internally every day.Like i'm always talking about how much i love Jason but if someone asks me if i like him,i'm like 'I don't even know who that is'.That quizz i took was right,i am a tsundere💀
#mermista moment HSHSHSG#jason todd#batfam#robin#red hood#teen titans#ditf#utrh#ditf 2020#rhato#rho#wfa#as always my jason is an agender trans man afro-dominican and very neurodivergent#real self shipping hours#jaysumm#letters from summer
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(head in hands) man.
#i’m laying in bed trying to sleep but suddenly got the urge to look for that old render of crevan using warp.exe#but to find it i had to dig through my entire crevan tag and just#really hit me just How much i don’t like crevan sgkfgdsjfk#like not in a ‘aw man this voicebank could be so much better :(‘ kind of way#but in a ‘i am physically no longer the same person i was when i made her’ kind of way#in a ‘i don’t know if i ever really liked her or if she was just one big running bit i had because i was so scared of being cringe’#kind of way#because let’s be real#there are very few moments in that tag where i’m not purposefully distancing myself from the things i liked#and being unnecessarily mean and snarky instead so i’d somehow ‘be better’ for not ‘giving in’#whether to the temptation to be honest and genuine or the temptation to do the sorts of silly things i actually wanted to do#maybe a huge portion of it is also that i hadn’t figured out i was gay or trans yet#and felt the need to curate this horrible she/her creature to try to rectify the gender dysphoria i was feeling#but yeah#doesn’t feel great honestly#i love being open and kind and honest with what i love#and i don’t think i can ever really relate to crevan’s old ‘purposefully mean and cruel and antagonistic’ schtick#now that i’ve gone about that change#anyway sghlfsfjdg
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Taking T at the beginning really is like that last scene in Finding Nemo when the fish in the bags all get to the ocean and one just goes "...now what? 😃"
#trans#queer#trans man#testogel#Like it for real be like “Welp I'm gonna twiddle my thumbs for a moment here” y'all weren't joking#BUT I feel good about this now I can't deny that I'm excited for the changes#Who will be first: the voice or the horniness?? Stay around and find out! 🤣
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no but actually, when I was like 16 I decided to get in deep with the cult, like fanatically deep. Donating my entire allowance and dedicating myself to biweekly bible study deep. Mainly because I had deluded myself into thinking that if only I could become a perfect jehovah’s witness, god would heal my crippling gender dysphoria by either taking pity on me and simply give me a dick and testosterone for the low price of my freedom and dignity, or alternatively taking it away all together and let me live my life blissfully as a cis woman for all eternity in paradise. The latter never sounded appealing to me, and I’m not going to pretend that the blatant sexism within the cult wasn’t a part of it at all, but even if you removed it, I still didn’t particularly care for having tits. I did realize that the former alternative probably wasn’t likely to happen in the end, and that’s probably one of the big reasons I never could admit to actually just being a guy, even though it was kinda obvious. Cause when you know you can’t ever have something, it’s easier to pretend you never wanted it in the first place, lol
#ex jw#isn't it funny that I even entertained the idea of fucking JEHOVAH giving me top surgery or some shit?#dude are you daft? the babykiller who hates the gays? You really think THAT GUY would support trans rights?#also. my OG mutuals probably remembers me sort of coming out as nonbinary back then‚ and i want you to know that I was not#practically everything I ever said about my gender back then wasn't real and I KNEW it wasn't real. I was just scared as fuck lol#cause I couldn't open that can of worms and then close it again. and like yeah. experimenting with gender can be great and important#but I wasn't experimenting‚ I knew it wasn't completely right from the moment I said it and idk. I want that out in the open I guess lol#funny thing is I kinda did that thing AGAIN not that far back when I was like oh yeah any pronouns goes :) oh no it's they/them achtually#oh now im he/they and oh I just want to define anything and blah blah blah#and I was sitting there and I just asked myself what the hell I was doing cause you're a grown ass man and you KNOW you're spewing bullshit#like i thought i would keep things ambigous but in hindsight. the url i had and having my other name in my bio was kinda stupid#in my defence i didn't think about my url and i still don't really mind my legal name so lol#but i realized i was just pussyfooting around everything and i'm tired of it so yeah!#anyway. look at me revealing my fucking lore here. i've gotten way off track and idk what i was trying to get to#if you read this far you get like. knowledge about me you probably didn't want#you're welcome i guess? idk lol#insert drive through meme or something
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I don't have much to say about Magne other than there was an Attempt, but. That time when Twice and Toga got angry with Overhaul for misgendering her was already indicative of what I'm going to get at in a sec, and obviously it was especially relevant because it was a direct show of respect and support from people who very clearly cared about her (and who called her big sis already as it was!!) (×2 imo because Twice was intentionally written to be the readers' insight into the LOV, and the character with whom they were supposed sympathise with the most at/since the beginning, so it's especially important that the first one who spoke up was him), but the story's progression (especially in recent years) is what most assures me that despite a rather poor execution (definitely not the best, but also certainly not the worst) Horikoshi did mean well with her. "People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren't" :(
#^ when she quotes her friend. like had the manga not gone on like it has that could have very well been a generic#We Live in a Society moment. but it wasn't. and that's what's comforting tbh#in general i think a big issue with magne from what little we know of her is that her reason for joining the lov was fighting back against#a tangibile real world issue (transphobia) vs all the other villains. whose situations Are partially real world issues as well#(eg child abuse) but they also very much present fantasy elements to them (eg toga's treatment due to her quirk)#and i'm not saying this as a justification for killing her off but. when you're writing a superhero comic with a target audience of young#cishet men it is much easier to present them with fantasy solutions to fantasy problems. again not that i think it's right!!!#but i do assume that horikoshi's thought process was more or less this. like. tiger is there alive and well#but he passes and was confirmed to be trans only via word of god so his identity has no bearing on the story itself#while magne's did. which doesn't make tiger's transness any less ''real'' than hers ofc but again i think it was a matter of what horikoshi#could actually deal with (fantasy problems) with the average readers that he has. it sucks all the way around.#which begs the question. ''why create her character in the first place then'' to which i answer: i don't fucking know man#bnha#animanga#mytext#in general. i've seen lots of people do this even with eg toga and her bisexuality (and when it comes to her i completely disagree but w/e)#but. authors who want to depic queer characters in good will but make mistakes or do it awkwardly or anything else#should Not be put on the same level as actively queerphobic authors. at all. do criticise what's worthy of constructive#criticism when you see it but don't even pretend that those two are remotely the same thing#(jic i didn't explain myself well bc i don't think that i did. what i wholly disagree with is that ''toga is a bad bi stereotype''.#i am bi people and i disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Y'all I was just vibing in Hot Topic earlier today when suddenly I find myself SEVERELY dysphoric, having an Autism Moment (derogatory), AND stuck in a cat shift. What the hell. Why did my brain do that to me.
#seriously I was like a sim that suddenly had a bunch of negative moodlets applied at once#went real quiet and hid in my hoodie and could barely talk except in little meows 😭#I still kinda feel like crying. what the hell.#autism#autistic#therian#cat therian#trans#trans man#trans ftm#btw I'm not saying cat shifts are bad lol but it was very much affected by the other two things so in the moment it felt uncomfortable
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I dreamed last night that I came to the conclusion that I was a trans man & started transitioning
I also dreamed I made a giant ground beef dish with a million spices and vegetables and also added ramen noodles to it. So really I was just living it up in my dream apparently
#speculation nation#dream shit#no i am not a trans man though i believe in their beliefs#<- joke tag#real answer is i am kinda male sometimes but im also kinda female and also something else and oftentimes nothing#genderluid is more apt than nonbinary if i wanna be specific. but since my gender is just Whatever it's easier to say nonbinary#also i rather like the flag so :P#call myself gay call myself nonbinary like lol you arent getting the specifics of my gender and sexuality in the average moment#too much work to describe it! u just gotta use ur imagination
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listen listen listen i am reading Summer Fun by Jeanne Thornton right now and i am halfway through and it is so fucking good like so so fucking good. please read it, it's so amazing. it's a novel about being an obsessive fan of a band (in this case, a fictionalized version of the beach boys) and also a novel about being trans and also a novel about alienation/loneliness and the ways in which transness exacerbates that rut but also how to get out of it and it's so fucking good.
it was pitched to me as a novel that asks "what if brian wilson of the beach boys was actually a trans woman?" and i was basically sold at that but it's so much more than that because it's that question from the point of view of a trans woman who's an obsessive fan of this fictional band with a long lost final album and it's told through letters she's writing to the leader of the band sort of dear mr henshaw-style recounting the story of the band and then also her own life and her desire to find the band leader who vanished from public eye after the band broke up and the fact that it becomes an actual possibility when the leader's granddaughter shows up at her workplace by chance one day.
anyway i'm not doing it justice just read it, it's so good.
#squash rambles#i'm halfway through and the moment the brian wilson-esque character has the real breakthrough moment#sees another trans woman for the first time and recognizes herself there like oh man it's SO GOOD
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me when my dad is actually like weirdly supportive abt the trans thing (to an extent) and weirdly open to learning abt it and all it takes is… me directly communicating it! who the hell would have thunk
#my parents have their moments but they’re lovely PEOPLE. and that’s like.. a lot. because some people have parents who suck AND r just#generally annoying shitty people#but like. me when he compares the amount of people coming out as trans rn to people coming out as gay when he was a teenager in the 80s#which like yea it IS the same sort of thing thx! me when he interrupts my mom with ‘so it sounds like you’re saying that it’s more like a#gut feeling from the heart you can’t explain than like a philosophical choice? yeah i have heard that before’#like what the hell you actually believe in trans people?#thanks man (may eat my words later)#me when i see him for the first time this morning and he actually they/thems me.#i still wish my parents came at it from more of a We very much see being trans as an innate thing and don’t have political concerns (ig this#is more my mom) and believe less fearmongering abt the tavistock centre’#but#like#yeah it’s ok i guess#still real scary they r so anti medical transition for example#but whatever better than nothing#oliver talks
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I am now unable to sing real men by mitski as testosterone lowered my voice
Poetic irony
#trans man#real men by mitski#this is a gender euphoria moment but its also sad#my speaking range is completely different now even tho its still high#t is the substance of the gods#just for transmen tho#E is for the goddesses
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Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun
#rat rambles#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™#Im ok just kinda emotional#and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not#I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area#if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk#Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit#like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow#like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff#but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself#I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go#or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh#it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying#Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled#sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional#now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh#idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like#again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice#like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships#and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such#but again its all theoretical rn 😔#anyways I need to shower bro its so late#rat vents
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Immediately opening tiktok to pointless queer discourse while coming down from psychedelics is a surreal experience
#I really felt the “online gays post discourse and real life gays look for ketamine” tiktok in that moment#gay#trans#trans man#lgbt#gay discourse#transgender#gay guy
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You know what? Yeah that's fair.
#my husband and my bestie...........#WOAHG just remembered new b&t comics in a month#!!!! yayayayay bill time bill time bill time !!! been so long since I last posted a bunch about him#also my roommate is at their bf's for the night so I can actually sleep h*lding plush spam without feeling cringe#they always cuddle their plushies when they sleep and they've told me they find it silly that I don't even though I have them on my bed...#but like. idk. brain says that's cringe moments.#anyway hold your best buds it is so important for your mental health (and also theirs)#hhmmm I should draw present day bill and rozzie again at some point. I love being a gay middle aged man and kissing other middle aged men ♡#we are trans dilf rights for real ♡#ok bye goodnight#sorry those tags are kinda all over the place. it's like 1:40am#roz posts#♡: 🎸🤘⚡️#☆: 💸☎️📧
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I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either
She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is
Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟
#the letter#rebecca gales#my beloved my bestie my wife etc#ive also just written like in a scenario where she gets with luke shes gonna like get that dick and then shes like oh fuckkkkk#and its pretty frightening cuz luke is a notorious asshole but hes about to find out so she just lets it out#and hes weirdly chill hes just like ‘hnnnghh does it look like i fucking care about that right now daisy’#they uh. arent exactly a match made in heaven alkskf the way i write it like they are genuinely good for each other in a lot of ways#like i think they both can just help the other see important sides to themselves and improve#but i dont see them being like this happy long term couple i think rebecca can do soooo much better i think theyd get together when shes at#rock bottom and feels like no one will ever love her and she forms a bond with luke and she relates to him in a weird way#and this makes her feel worse like luke is the only one who sees the real her and she wants him because shes afraid hes the only one whod#tolerate her its just a very unhealthy situation and he has enough good in him to keep her on the hook#but enough bad in him to never satisfy what she needs and to make her feel like shit#its like. i dont think its IMPOSSIBLE for luke to be a good partner to her but hed have to do a LOTTT of changing that im just not confident#hed do plus like i mean hes literally a murderer and all of rebeccas friends hate him i dont think shed really be able to see past that#plus like hed be transphobic like maybe he isnt opposed to having sex with a trans woman in the moment but he certainly wouldnt be an ally#its all about whats convenient for him i think at best hed be like ‘youre one of the good ones!’#i kinda love lukebecca lol not in a ‘theyre cute’ way ew just in a. ‘their interactions are really funny and interesting’ kinda way#i want them to fuck nasty and i want rebecca to almost sink to his level but then rise above and kick his ass#and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life#and then rebecca lives her best life with her awesome friends and they work on communicating properly#and she realizes she doesnt need a man to complete her and then she writes a book and is loved pleaseeee
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