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applekitty · 4 years

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things that happened with me in the past 7 years

i feel guilty so i want to post this. it’s basically a confession post abt stuff i’ve done, stuff that’s happened to me, and general rumination on how my actions have affected people.

transparency is the thing i value most, and now that i’m comfortable to share with you guys my age, i think it’s important i share these things too.

keep in mind my memory’s a little foggy on dates so i can mostly only give approximations

content warning for MANY mentions of rape, grooming, mlp porn, and one passing mention on transphobic genderbend content. also idk if counts as it or not but just to be safe??? csa, bc it happened when i was a kid

there’s a tl;dr at the end, please at the very least read that before sending me any asks about this post

i got my iphone 4s when i was late into being 12 years old, in preparation for 7th grade. my mom thought it was time for me to get a phone so she could text me if she needed to. so, i got a way to access social media. by the time grade 7 had begun, i’d gotten this thing called ‘virtual space’. you may better know this as ‘amino’ nowadays. but back in the day, there was only one. virtual space.

virtual space (2012-2013/14?)

this was an rp media app with the ability to add posts and add pictures. i didnt know about tumblr or really anything outside of facebook at the time, so virtual space was my main social media. i only have one person who i still talk to from my times in virtual space, and i think it’s safe to say both of us do not want to remember our time there.

virtual space was a very toxic place to be, and i was one of the most toxic people on there. i was very much an elitist, a grammar nazi, and all the worst of the worst. i was very snooty and very much up my own ass. i traced art, i pretended to be a scholar.

i was nice enough to some people, but all in all, i saw myself as superior because i was ‘literate’ and others were ‘illiterate’. people who were unable to spell or write out long paragraphs like i was were seen as lesser by me, and i considered virtual space a place to assert my authority as the best writer. thanks to virtual space, i had dedicated myself to learning words, improving my writing ability, and dressing up my things with such elaborate purple prose that it’d make future me snore and die.

i did a ton of regrettable things (such as pretending i was a guy who’d gotten into a car accident purely for attention) while i was on my superiority spree.

there, on virtual space, i found out about my little pony. the first thing i ever saw from the show was the flim flam brothers song. and i loved it. so i got into mlp, starting rping in mlp things alongside the normal fandomless things.

on virtual space, people would often rip things off tumblr to put into vs. this is where i learned of tumblr. i moved off of vs and moved onto tumblr. subsequently, it’s also where i got fully into mlp.

tumblr (2013-now)

on tumblr there’s not much i can’t say that isn’t talked about in the below parts. i do want to say, though, that there was a time in my life wherein i was following and reblogging rebornica content. they reblogged some.. questionable things that i think contributed to the below stuff. just slightly, but not a bunch. btw if you do go into there you may see some of the stuff rebornica reblogged, including a thing about genderbends? know that this is my opinion on genderbends lol

mlp (2012-2015)

when i first got into mlp, it was before the season 3 premiere. during that time, i was still on vs, but i switched over to tumblr i believe after the announcements and trailers for rainbow rocks came out.

mlp ask blogs were very nice on the surface, but things like ask molestia, or ask discord whooves quickly were put into my youtube recommends. they were some of the most popular ask blogs, things that got praised; humiliation, rape, and molestation. those are the things that got you follows, those are the things that got you popular. i wanted to be popular. i was popular on vs, so i want to be here too.

if you know anything about the mlp community, there’s a reason why for that. porn is incredibly saturated in mlp, and there is a lot of rape content permeating the internet. if you need proof, just go ahead and find out what ‘fall of equestria’ is. that’s a popular au. and it’s no secret that rape is all over places like fimfiction.

~lewd mlp comic dubs~ in general were on youtube as well. they weren’t as much as a contributing factor, but their simple BEING THERE normalized the concept of ‘lewd being acceptable and beneficial for me to benefit off of’ into my mind. it was a gateway into what would further come.

mlp was my first introduction to explicit content. i was 12. it was untagged.

i opened up a multitude of ask blogs before i settled on my longest; ask shy sombra. this blog was trying to claim the fame of a inactive blog called asksissysombra. sissy sombra was an explicitly nsfw blog with rape fetishization. the blog is still up and not hidden by tumblr’s nsfw detector, nor deleted. it regularly clocked 200 notes a post.

ask shy sombra was exactly like asksissysombra, though much more tame. the rape fetishization was used in such a way where it was entirely offscreen, and fairly vague. though, with specific follower milestones, i would draw semi-lewd drawings hinting at rape, and get notes for it. thankfully, the blog didn’t get far enough into its plot (as i restarted it a total of four times) to get to the parts wherein rape was around. i made ask shy sombra when i was.. i know in eighth grade. i think a little late into eighth grade. so i’d be 14.

ask shy sombra was my most popular blog, and garnered me about 1.5k followers over a 2(?) year run. this only encouraged me to produce more content. to get more followers. naturally, this fostered in my literal child brain that this disgusting content is a good thing to make because look at all the rewards its giving me.

i would draw a lot of things purely for the edge on this ask shy sombra, and treat serious topics like things to shock people. i was surrounded by people who’d praise me and draw fanart for me. i was collecting a fanbase by making extraordinarily shitty content. wasn’t even well drawn either, lol.

i was drawing all this because i felt like i was mature and edgy for doing so, that by being dark i was better than others, that i had more substance, and that people would take me seriously.

after a while, i made myself a nsfw blog. lots of other mlp ask blogs, aka basically all of them, had nsfw blogs. so, i got myself one. i produced almost exclusively rape content, both drawings and writings. i wanted to be even more edgy, and this was a place i could do it raw, uncensored. i could unleash true horror here, on a nsfw blog. it was so shocking, so awful! isn’t that what the mlp fandom is about? being twisted and fucked up and evil on sideblogs, making awful content to go ‘ooh how edgy’ at? nothing was barred. i was 14, maybe early into 15.

i knew (aka followed, because there was a whole underground mlp nsfw community) other people, who were significantly older, for their rape content as well. and there were lots of people to choose from. one i remember (even by url) drew horrifying depictions of rape in a painterly style. there were two others i remember the style of, but not the names. these three were my introduction to guro, which thankfully i did not indulge in.

i wasn’t very active on my nsfw blog, at least. when i was, i was only there in bursts and never made anything too bad if i can remember right. most of it was just.. lewd faces or whatever. my art wasn’t good enough to get lots of reblogs in the porn sphere, thank GOD. i mass-deleted the content on that blog three times before i deleted the blog itself and never tried again. i never did like that nsfw blog.

unrelated, but i think the reason why rape as a concept in the mlp fandom is so wide spread, is because the fandom had mass produced it as a replacement for rough sex. it was just a more ‘erotic’ version of rough sex to them. a more intense version of sex, wherein tears and screams to stop were actually just lies, these creatures secretly were pleasured.

and, for people like me, it’s a good way to be the edgiest kid on the block. the more edgy you were in mlp, the more followers you were bound to get. the more attention you got. and it worked. i got so much attention.

on christmas of 2015, i stepped away from mlp for good.

in 2016, i deleted everything on ask shy sombra, (except for the follower milestones), and moved on.

psmd (2015-2017)

psmd was my new target. psmd was a lot more quiet. i hadn’t done much with psmd in comparison to mlp, as i kept most of my explicit content private. however, as some of my mutuals back in psmd would tell you, rape was not a thing i strayed from talking about here either.

leftovers from my time in mlp, sure enough, rape was in psmd as well. thankfully, it was not public, with only a select few having access to it. no one reprimanded me for it. i don’t blame them for not scolding me. what are you supposed to do to something like that? it’s nerve racking and disgusting and you just want to side-eye it and leave it alone. especially since i was most of these people’s friends.

‘private’ is a hard word to call the rape content i made for that one. because psmd’s fandom was very very, very small. there was one specific server for it with like. 15 people at most on it at one time. either way, i was making rape content for the same reason; to be the edgiest kid on the block. if you knew anything about my extraordinarily edgy psmd au, you’ll know i went all out on edge. just like with ask shy sombra, the attention-seeking for the au and the desire to get eyes on content went to the worst bottom denominator. it never went to children or whatever, though.

making rape content actually wasn’t the main thing bad i did while in that fandom, no. mostly bc it was all decently private.

i was in the pokemon ask blog community for a short while. while i was there, i was an elitist and sort of a snob. i projected my insecurity onto the bigger blogs around me, simply because i wasn’t getting the attention i thought i deserved. in mlp, it was so easy to get followers. here? not so much. i wasn’t happy about people ‘suddenly ignoring me’, so i lashed out at the community.

people who were just having fun for the sake of having fun, i didn’t like those guys! nuh uh! anyways, i sealed myself off to my small community of psmd people until i eventually decided to leave psmd for kirby in the summer of 2017. that was when i’d watched the original pilot for the kirby anime.

kirby (late 2017-now)

kirby is currently the fandom i’m in. thanks to me squishing myself into the box of ‘make this worthy of being shown on 4kids as content’, i have solidified my content. though some of it, such as my old galacta work, zero percent chill, are a little eh and show remnants of who i once was.

i’ve had a rocky transition period, however, and some individuals can attest to that, unfortunately.

i’m glad i’ve been able to try to cope with my fandom-inflicted grooming. certain events and people have gotten me to really think about morality and my actions in the past, as well as about writing and the things they may teach people.

conclusion

amino taught me that being popular and the best was the most important thing.

mlp taught me creating rape content was not only okay to produce in the most shock-factory way, but it got you popular, which is all i wanted in my 13 year old brain.

psmd taught me that people will not object to rape content— but they will pretend you and your edgy bullshit doesn’t exist. certain things are excluded from that, like one particular fic. while it’s gone now, it did exist. people knew it existed.

kirby taught me to sit down, shut the fuck up, and stop that shit. no one sat me down for it, i did it myself.

getting a few more years on me helped, lol

everyday im super duper thankful i was never groomed further past that into making incest or making pedophilic content. i’m also thankful that i got out of mlp. that my content never got truly popular in psmd. i’m thankful my grooming never got taken advantage of by any specific, older individual. i’m thankful my grooming wasn’t directly from an actual person who could’ve gotten me deeper into the mindset, wherein it’d be harder for me to get out of it.

my actions in mlp and psmd have undoubtably groomed people in the process, and for that, i’ll be eternally sorry. if you knew me during that time, with my shitty edgy-for-attention aus, sorry.

tl;dr:

when i was in the mlp fandom, i wanted to be popular and quick. i noted the most easy way to get popular, get comic dubs, get that Cool Praise, was to be edgy. and, ontop of that, one can also add in a layer of sexual assault for extra Brony Praise.

i didn’t stop to think of why things like rape or sexual assault was so massed produced in the fandom, and i don’t think i cared either. i knew rape was bad and a disgusting and terrible act and it scared me thinking about it happening to me (because im a girl lmao), so i’d write it up as a hyper-angsty thing. oohh the angst, oh how sad, look at how horrible it is, this totally isn’t stroking a huuuugeee unnecessary angstboner for a EXTRAORDINARILY delicate REAL WORLD topic at all!! totally not disrespectful to ACTUAL VICTIMS at all!!!! not that it mattered how it was written up, certain people in the fandom liked it more when things were horrible, awful, and disgustingly violent or ‘egregiously angsty’ in regards to rape. rape and its ‘angsty’ content was normalized to me when, at bare minimum, i was 13.

i ended up making rape-related extremely edgy content in the mlp fandom and i got a lot of followers. 1.5k followers. i used the shock of offscreen rape as a way to.. well, shock people. and make a horrifying story that i wanted attention towards. the praise I got for being edgy and making rape content groomed me into creating more. being groomed by no one inparticular into making this content, but by a fandom, by the sheer amount of rape content and general porn being paraded around, that really fucked me up.

when i was 15 (going on 16 in half a year), i transferred this mentality into other fandoms, trying to be the most edgy and shocking by using the actions of rape and sexual violence or even sexual trafficking as my vehicle of angst without thinking of what the writing of these subjects in such a way may say about me as a person. i didn’t care about that, i wanted to be the darkest, most edgy, most brooding. and I was, and I got mad when I didn’t get the 1.5k followers worth of attention that the mlp fandom was so willing to give me.

when i was 17, i transferred to kirby. and that’s when i realized all this edge-for-the-sake-of-edge bullshit needed to stop. i’d almost taken my extreme edge to kirby as well, but i doubled down on myself and quit that shit. thank god that i did that. i strickened myself to write g-related content with only minor, more moderate amounts of edge.

i’m now 20. i’m hypercritical of people who do the same things i did when i was younger, because hyperedge shit like the stuff i created makes me feel disgusting thinking back on it. i know i most likely groomed people into doing the exact same shit that i’d done with my presence, especially in the mlp fandom. and for everything i did, all the extremely insensitive content i made when i was younger, sorry.

i wanted to be transparent about this, and it’s important to me to be so. cards out on the table and such. if you feel uncomfortable about this new info and the things i did to get attention when i was younger, that’s completely understandable. feel free to unfollow / block me if that makes you more comfortable on this platform, even if we’re mutuals or friends.

#feels bad man #important #im probably asleep rn (this post is scheduled) so if you wanna send asks or dms about this i'll answer them in a bit lol #this is very much a confession post. i want to get all this shit off my chest #theese is. my experiences. my actions #my anxiety says i NEED to talk about this and confess all of this so thats what im doing

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cinnbar-bun · 4 years

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hey! I just wanted to ask if you’re okay with answering how to play and get granblue fantasy?

Ah I’ll do my best nonnie!!! I’m certainly not the greatest at GBF so if others would like to reblog this and add on so I can reblog it for nonnie, that’d be good!

So TLDR; you can play granblue fantasy on your browser or on an emulator (this is of course, assuming you don’t have the Japanese App Store).

You can play it on your browser by going to this link: https://granbluefantasy.jp/sp/en/

When you do you’ll be taken to this page!

Obviously click the button that says ‘play now’.

You will prolly want to make a mobage account so you don’t lose any of your information so I suggest making one following these steps. https://japancodesupply.com/pages/how-to-create-a-japanese-mobage-account

Um it’s been a while since I made an account so I’m not sure if I forgot anything, but that’s the basic gist of it!

Now you chose a good time to join because of the festivities under way in gbf, so you have a reeeeeaaallly good chance of getting lots of new characters and lots of rewards.

Take. Advantage. Of. It.

Since you are (I am assuming) joining today (which you should because you have flash gala going on), you should take incredible advantage of how much SSRs you might get because of free spins and crystals.

Save up your crystals!!!! Do not be a fool like me my friend!!! Your tickets and your crystals are your only chance at getting you anything if you save up!!! Unlike some gacha games that don’t really guarantee you getting the character, GBF has it where if you do 300 rolls (90,000 crystals), you get to “spark” them, or trade for them. Save up. I recommend doing this for your fave holiday/limited time unit. 90k May seem daunting, but the team is certainly very generous, so you can slowly accumulate lots of crystals and tickets (btw!!! A single ticket is equivalent to a 1x spawn, which is about 300 crystals! Tickets are a good way to save up your rolls)

Now to the actual gameplay SINCE I NEED TO WARN YALL TO SAVE YOUR SPARK AND NOT BE A FOOL LIKE ME!

Granblue Fantasy has a lot of content. This is especially daunting to those who are just new to a game like this, but don’t worry.

Do this at your own pace. Grinding excessively and at an unhealthy pace WILL TIRE YOU OUT. You will get severely annoyed and hate the game, and that just defeats the point.

Who cares if you go slower than others? Why do you want to waste yourself away so you can be better? So some elitist who spent years playing the game can pat you on the back or something? It’s pointless. You do this at your own pace and don’t care about other’s paces.

You will absolutely have 0 chance of completing a tenth of the content GBF will offer you in a month or two. Don’t be a fool and think you’re hot shit and will be “that guy” who does everything so quick. You will get your ass handed to you faster than you can say Grindblue. Likewise, don’t be upset that you’re not doing much often or don’t have time to play the game. This is for YOUR enjoyment, so go at YOUR pace, not some elitists, not someone who’s spent years playing the game, not anyone else’s- YOURS.

So things like weapon grids, summons, even characters, those take time to build up! You want to play around with different classes and see which ones you like the most (whether for pure aesthetic or actual gameplay- all up to you!). I’m telling you right now, most of the high level content won’t be available until you reach rank 101, so you have plenty of time to build up your weapon grid and find out what works best for you.

Granblue is all about experimenting and collecting. It’s about taking baby steps to crafting weapons and forging gear, slowly building up your power and your characters to do better in battles, and eventually getting where you would like to be.

Your characters that you spawn definitely have an impact, but rarity isn’t the most important part of this game. Yeah sure, you def always want that rainbow, but almost all characters are usable and can function well if put into a good team. That’s where the experimenting comes in. You can always ask others to help you make a grid or choose which characters might be best with your grid, there are plenty of nice people who will gladly explain the technicalities.

Not only that, but GBF and the GBF wiki provide examples of good start grids for early content and eventually high level content- take advantage of it! You can see what you should focus on and what you can do and get the stuff you need. It’s a slow process but you’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Also, don’t think you can get away with maining only one element and ignoring the rest. You will be obliterated. Of course we all have a certain element or class affinity we like, and that’s fine, but DONT IGNORE YOUR OTHER ELEMENTS! THEY ARE VERY MUCH IMPORTANT TOO!!!

Ummmmmmmm I definitely left out a lot of stuff but I don’t want to put you in information overload so this kinda just more like... my mistakes are your warnings absolutely in no shape or form should you be as much of an idiot as I am when playing GBF. I am clown tier my friend.

Happy grinding and remember to start as soon as you can for the sweet sweet bonus!!

#gbf #granblue fantasy #long post

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rxmvns-blog1 · 5 years

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𝐇𝐈, 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 ! i’m 𝒅𝒓𝒊 (twenty, she/her, pst) ! i was late posting my intro for the first iteration for pinky, so nothing has really changed, huh ? some fun facts about me are that i have the incredibly dangerous combo of high ambition and poor time management and i’d risk it all for a.c.e, ateez, and loona ! i’m back with ya fav skater eboy(?) roman, so if you’re interested in plotting connections, feel free to im me or ask for my discord (where i would be way easier to reach) !

* 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝒔𝒂𝒏. 𝒉𝒆/𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝒄𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆. ╱ i am pretty sure i saw 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒋𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈 at manon’s party that night. the 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 year old is in their 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅 year at west bridge studying 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎. i hear they were at manon’s party because 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎. i wonder if they got the same restricted call as us. will they comply? + 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆, 𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝟐𝒂𝒎.

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. he and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

listen… their aunt turned out to be a Helicopter Mom to them and it was… super suffocating, especially to roman. she expected so much out of them and tried to force her own dreams onto them but he was just Not Feeling It. he’d always hit her with the “ur not even my real mom” line. despite being a rather intelligent dude with a relatively quick wit, he put the bare minimum into school (especially around the halfway point in high school) … but still lowkey wanted to do well. he was the guy who always found a way to get test answers inconspicuously and found ways to work around the turnitin system, ya feel? tl;dr: smart and capable, but incredibly unmotivated

when he was fifteen, he found out (while eavesdropping on one of his aunt’s phone calls) that his dad had gotten remarried and had twins with his new wife, a girl and a boy. furious over the fact that this was kept a secret from him for two years, he went to rant about it to his sister, who told him that they should just keep pretending like they don’t know. roman suddenly couldn’t hear, and during dinner that night, he brought it up and it was an angsty time.

after this revelation, he began Acting Out more because he hated the idea that their dad just sent them away almost like it was nothing but ended up raising an entirely new family of his own afterward. it started to feel like it was him and his sister against the world, and even to this day he would do anything for her. he got into fights a lot in high school because he gets defensive and doesn’t know when to Stop. his temper is… so short…

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when roman wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch… haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he doesn’t express it often, but he would literally do anything for his sister and close friends. can be incredibly protective. no kidding, his sister has complained that people didn’t want to date her because they were afraid of him KJDHGDSG

you know that friend who is able to find a persons facebook page and essentially everything about them with very, very minimal information given? yeah, that’s roman. he :// lowkey keeps up with his dad through facebook bc all of his wife’s posts are public :// he looks at posts of their family and just Suffers… it’s so bad!!!

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

his bedroom wall is covered in polaroids, which are of his friends, scenery, and neighborhood stray cats! but mostly his friends. he loves taking pictures of his friends :/ he also loves the idea of polaroids capturing a singular moment unlike how digital cameras can be used to get the Perfect Shot after like… 30 tries

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

“u can’t wear thrasher unless u can deepthroat an entire skateboard” is his instagram bio and he thinks thrasher elitists can choke. bought all of his friends black thrasher hoodies for christmas in an act of spite.

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

roman didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up a friend after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek them out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything… but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

#pinky.intro #i rly just copied and pasted my intro n it took me almost a whole week to do tht ...#talk abt a big mess !!!!#i hav wanted connects but ill make tht page later #also if u already messaged me on discord before i even made my intro .... ill get to u after filming today fdjgksg

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lesceriises · 4 years

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[ 🍒 ] — gracing the tags with my presence before i go work on replies. hi. i’m elle. i’m mostly here for mxf shipping tbh, but i love platonic/family plots too. i have adhd which means i like jumping into things and figuring out what works and doesn’t without beating around the bush. send me memes!! send me ideas!! i love brainstorming. i have a bunch of muses right here & you can check out my open starters here.

if you’re curious about what fcs i like + what types of plots i’m interested in, click the read more.

come write with me!!!

🍒 FCS I WANT TO WRITE AGAINST 🍒

alfonso herrera, alvaro rico, chris pine, dacre montgomery, david giuntoli, edgar ramírez, jake gyllenhaal, kit harington, luke pasqualino, michiel huisman, oliver jackson-cohen, oscar isaac, ryan guzman, santiago cabrera, sean tealea, simon baker, tom ellis, tommy martinez, tyler hoechlin, zane holt, alicia vikander, alycia debnam carey, eleanor tomlinson, gugu mbatha-raw, imogen poots, johanna braddy, lupita nyong'o, margot robbie, oona chaplin, poppy drayton, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, shelley hennig, shannon purser, zendaya, zoey deutch.

🍒 PLOTS I’M INTERESTED IN: GENERAL VIEW 🍒

drama, over-the-top drama, cheesy drama, angst, romance, manipulation, lying, cheating, pregnancies, horror, supernatural, ghosts, historical, crime, royals, modern royals, fake relationships, unrequited feelings, bad timing. you can check a few plots i’d like to do here.

🍒 PLOTS I’M INTERESTED IN: SPECIFIC 🍒

if fandom isn’t your thing, i’m also v interested in rl / historical plots. you can find a list of those here.

CHOICES GAME APP & STORYSCAPE: plots based on: titanic, the perfect match, rules of engagement, desire & decorum, the royal romance, and the elementalists. we don’t have to play the “main” characters or follow the original storylines tho.

TITANIC/1900s: legit just... any and all dynamics lmao the list is infinite there’s so much potential. if you’re familiar with the game i’m looking for something taken from storyscape like matteo x adele dynamic (long-story short, matteo is a valet for a wealthy man and adele is someone who is being blackmailed by said wealthy man) or charlie x adele (charlie is a steward who befriends adele, helps her navigate her situation, and the two become very close - esp interested in a dynamic post-titanic too where he's trying very hard not to hold things against her but is struggling tremendously with guilt, ptsd, and his idealism) or a dynamic based on zetta x adele (zetta is famous and adele's employer, and adele is being blackmailed into ruining her engagement - but it'd have to be an mxf one because that's the only kind of romantic pairings i write).

THE HUNGER GAMES: capitol citizen x capitol citizen, mentor x mentor, victor x dead tribute’s sibling/dead tribute’s best friend, literally any other combO!! smth with spies would be great too like spy rebel working a the capitol x capitol staff.

VIDEO GAMES: plots based on until dawn!!!!!!!!! which is one of my favs tbh (there’s SO MUCH POTENTIAl but i’m particularly weak for “we had a ‘opposites attract, will they don’t they’ thing going on and smth was about to happen between us at the cabin but then my sibling/best friend vanished and everything went to shit and we haven’t spoken in a year even though we miss each other dearly”.

HARRY POTTER:

workaholic diplomats with a fuckton of baggage and personal struggles who are really good at their jobs and always butting heads… falling in love (bonus: maybe one of them is a squib)

pureblood order member is essentially kidnapped by their own elitist family and has their memory tampered with, meaning they now believe they’ve always just been a spy for the death eaters. they’re engaged and their significant other starts to notice little things that feel odd and unusual.

i muggleborn who started lying about her blood status and is passing as elitist pureblood who ends up getting engaged to a pureblood.

before the first wizarding war, two purebloods get married. it wasn’t an arranged marriage and for all their differences they brought out the best in each other. their families were iffy about each other but they made it work. she remained mostly a housewife, enjoying the work and taking care of the children. things were good until the war rolled around and slowly, gradually. it became clear that his family (and he himself) were prejudiced against muggles and muggleborn. in the end they end up on opposite sides of the war, and it gets ugly.

arranged marriage between two people. he’s a widower and a grump, no one really finds him good company and on top of that his wife died in questionable circumstances (everyone thinks he did it, but it was actually his parents). his parents picked her because she seems easy to manipulate and air-headed. they never thought they would end up gradually growing very fond of each other to the point of love - they have the same humor, he helps her try not to please everyone and she helps him allowing himself to be himself - and that he’d start standing up to his family.

ANGELS / DEMONS / NOT FANDOM SPECIFIC: angel x fallen angel (please. think of all the pain and angst) or demon x redeemed demon or smth of the sort (the betrayal!!!)

X-MEN: literally too many possible combos to list and i want them all!!! the angstier/messier the better.

THE MUMMY: doesn’t have to be based on the movie, i’m going for the ~vibes~ here. we can do: explorer/archaeologist x non-explorer, explorer/archaeologist x journalist, explorer/archaeologist x doctor, explorer/archaeologist x explorer/archaeologist…. they can be any age too! even exs with children, the options are endless.

PACIFIC RIM: trainee x trainee, pilot x scientist, pilot x pilot, doctor x pilot

OUTLANDER/TIME-TRAVELLING IN GENERAL: could be intentional, accidental, to the future or the past, etc so many options!! we can mix time-travelling with other fandoms too!!

TOMB RAIDER: feel free to make suggestions but here are some ideas: (a) and (b) have a long history (platonic, romantic, siblings, idc). they’re both explorers who for the most part have been on the same side. two peas in a pod. two sides of the same coin. etc etc. while trying to put together a mystery, and trying to beat the “bad guys” to it, they realise the object they are looking for can change the past or bring the dead back to life…. this is where (b) turns against (a), who, unlike them, wants to take the object and keep it safe inside a vault.

STAR WARS: literally too many options to list but i’ll try: “jyn” x “cassian”, spy x traitor, pilot x spy doctor, former stormtrooper x spy, former stormtrooper x regular person, spy x regular person, diplomat x pilot, diplomat x former stormtrooper, idk there’s so many possible dynamics i couldn’t list them all legit anything in this universe im begging lmao!

STRANGER THINGS: so many possibilities?? could be set at any point in time too… and/or make our characters older and have them revisit things that happened to them in the past.

MARVEL/MCU: superhero x human , superhero x superhero, hero x law enforcement, a verse where heroes are “banned” (think incredibles 2)… all of these could go in so many ways?? the sky’s the limit. reminder that i don’t write canons but i don’t mind writing against them!!

ANASTASIA: lost princess/prince x kitchen boy/girl turned con-person who is at first using them for money but ends up falling in love with them and oops turns out they are the real deal.

THE LITTLE MERMAID: mermaid x prince, mermaid x human, mermaid x pirate, “ursula” x “eric”

ALADDIN: “i pretended to be a rich prince/princess to impress the their/heiress to the throne bc i’m poor as hell and i just want to stop being poor lmao … but oh boy i’ve fallen in love…….”

FROZEN: “hans” x “anna” or “hans” x “elsa” (i just think “hans” is a great character and there’s a lot we could do with him tbh) oc guard or commoner x “elsa” “anna” and “kristoff” but their relationship isn’t working out the dynamic between “anna” and “elsa” bc i’m a sucker for sibling dynamics we could also explore the relationship of anna and elsa’s parents!!!

#indie starter #open rp #mumu rp #indie oc rp #indie horror rp #open starter

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rxmvns-a · 5 years

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↪ choi san. he/him. cis male. ╱ i thought i saw roman jeong getting questioned by the police. the twenty year old is in their third year at west bridge studying film. they were at manon’s party because he was supposed to be picking a friend up but couldn’t find them. do you think they had something to do with her death? + the scent of freshly brewed coffee, polaroids scattered on a bedroom wall, pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am.

hi, friends! i’m dri (nineteen, she/her, pst), and being extremely tardy is just integral to who i am as a person, i guess ! i’ve been really busy with my team this week in particular, but i’m here now, hello ! so, anyway, here’s my boi roman — he’s a mess, but i’m excited to bring him to y’all ! if you’re interested in plotting connections, feel free to im me or hmu on d*scord pray for dri’s kneecaps#7258 (where i would be Way easier to reach) !

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

nickname: rome

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. rome and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when rome wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch... haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

rome didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up niko after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek him out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything... but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

#ps.intro #REALLY LATE IM SRY HELLO

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justsomekpopstuff · 6 years

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11 Questions Tag!

I was tagged by both @jejublr and @lovelycheollie to do this! I’ll answer under the cut and tag all the other stuff here

I Tag: @kpopsinarios , @forever-young-got7 , @jejublr (sorry hun!), @sunnysidewrites (also sorry!), @rosecheol , @bfwooz @softhaos , @jiminyoongs , and @earlymornings-midnightcoffee

My Questions

What is your favorite au that you have read/written?

Add a picture of your favorite meme

What is your current favorite tv show?

If you could ship me with anyone (not in svt) who would it be (there is a reason for this question, just message me if you want to know why)

List the first three songs in your shuffle

If you were famous, who would be in your squad/entourage

Which entertainment agency are you willing to fight

Would you travel to the future or to the past

What would your position be if you were in a kpop group?

What is your all time favorite movie

Post your favorite picture of your bias and your bias wrecker

@jejublr ‘s questions!

The world is in shambles. Society collapsed. You found a book. Read it or burn it?

Oh, read it, for sure. I dont know anyone who would burn a book

Eat the spiciest wing any man has ever tasted or the most sour candy in the world?

Can I just cry instead? Maybe the candy? Either way, im gonna die

Who’s your favorite singer in kpop and why?

Do I have to pick just ONE? Because I love all of them. I love how unique everyone’s voice is and everything.

If I HAD to choose one, it would probably be Seokmin (svt). I don’t know what it is about his voice, but no matter what, it always gives me chills. It’s beautiful. Truly.

Describe yourself with an emoji.

👑 idk

Who do you look up to?

I look up to a lot of people. I guess if I had to choose one, I would pick my Mom. She’s a badass single mom who puts up with my bullshit and she teaches me every single day that I don’t need a man to be happy. I appreciate everything she does for me.

Give me three songs to listen to on a rainy day!

Work Song by Hozier , Habit by Svt , and Stay With Me by Chanyeol (this song has recently become a huge fave of mine)

How many siblings do you have? Tell me something about them! If not, would you like one?

That depends. I have one biological sibling, an older brother who is a string bean of a human (he’s such a noodle). I have three step-siblings, two sisters and one brother. My older step-sister is a theater person, my younger step-brother is an excellent athlete, and my youngest step-sister is a scientist to boot!

Cats or dogs?

DOGS

Pick someone famous as a roommate!

Zendaya. I feel like she would be an awesome person to have around as a roomate

If you were in jail, what would most likely be the cause?

Defending basic human rights at a rally that got a bit too out of hand. I’m not ashamed of it.

How would you want to be remembered by people?

I want to be remembered as someone who was accepting to everyone. I am pretty religious, and I hate that there are people who share the same faith that are so incredibly hateful and close-minded. On top of that, half of my family are incredibly elitist and think that anyone who doesn’t have wealth or a name for themselves is garbage, and I hate it. I want to be remembered as someone who valued human life and lived her life speaking out and defending the basic human rights of other people. We are people. People deserve respect. Easy as that.

@lovelycheollie ‘s questions

How are you going to spend your vacation?

Well, I just spend my spring break filled with anxiety because of all of the stuff that I have due the next few days, so that was that...

But, I have a lot of fun plans for the summer! I have a cool vacation planned with my mom and brother, and then I get to go and see my extended family for a family reunion!

A dish/snack you always seem to crave at stressful times?

Anything sweet. I have a huge sweet tooth, and whenever I feel stressed, anything sweet can help me feel better

Favorite show on TV?

Currently? I have, like, a million. I think the big ones right now are Game of Thrones, Queer Eye, Supernatural, and Brooklyn 99. For dramas, I just finished W-Two Worlds and LOVED it, and I’m going to try watching Goblin (my emotions), and a few others soon.

What do you think is your spirit animal?

A honey badger. Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger doesn’t give a shit yes calling back to old memes. I am small and look cute but I will also destroy you.

Pick a mutual, what do you want to say to him/her?

@sunnysidewrites you have been working so super hard, and i am very proud of you. You always say sorry for taking time off to do stuff, but I’m super proud of you! You never have to apologize for taking time off to do some amazing things. You are awesome, and please please PLEASE take care of yourself.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Night owl, for sure. I hate mornings. When I get out of bed I seriously look like i have been through hell and back

Recommend us an app you’re using

I am currently using the app Headspace to help with my anxiety. It has different activities to help with calming yourself down and for getting your breathing on track. It’s been very helpful

What would be the perfect theme of your bias’s overall look?

Soft and sexy combined into one. I mean...can you blame me? Shua has been coming for everyone recently. He is a soft boi but also looks hella fine

Do you have any favorite animated movie?

Inside Out for sure. I love all animated movies, but Inside Out really takes the cake for me. As a psychology major, I am constantly looking for good ways to describe how the human mind works, and Inside Out totally nails it. It is a genuinely heartfelt and excellent movie, and it is also a perfect way to explain to kids how emotions work. Its amazing for both entertainment and psychological purposes, and I am OBSESSED with it.

Show us a picture of your pet (or a dream pet if you don’t have one)

All the dogs. I will adopt all the dogs.That is an honest statement.

Can you give a message to your followers 😊

I love you all so much, you have no idea. I know I don’t write as much as I used to, or as much as I want to, and I apologize. Thank you for putting up with me and my crazy schedule, and for always supporting my work. Please, if you ever want to talk or just gush about your bias or something, feel free to message me. I know I get a little intense but I promise I am always down for some keyboard smashing goodness

#tagged #about me

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working-on-becoming-a-better-me · 3 years

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Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get) - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

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adulting-with-autism · 7 years

Video

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Yippee! It’s episode three!

@izzyisahufflepuff @firesidoni @yesharrypotterlover123blr

Transcript under cut:

Welcome to AWA. Today’s episode is going to be slightly different because Liz is ill so I’ll be handling your questions solo. Hopefully I’ll do okay.

izzyisahufflepuff said:

“I just saw your tips for toothbrushing, and though they're very helpful, can you offer some tips as to how I can stop forgetting to/coming up with excuses not to brush my teeth? please and thank you”

Now what I generally recommend is something like habitica or similar apps that sort of provide little incentives in a game like structure. Wouldn’t say gamify I hate that word an irrational amount. But that’s something that’s worked for me in the past. Or something like writing down a little schedule for yourself could work quite well. That’s about as much as I’ve got for that one really. Just try and establish a routine through an app or a more old fashioned method. But whatever you do, try to go a couple of days in a row of doing a thing and you should start to adjust hopefully.

Next Question: firesidoni says

“I generally have a terrible time making out what people are saying when there's much background noise - I have a hard time turning the noise into words. Is this (potentially) an autism thing, or just a me thing?”

It’s definitely not a you thing. That’s something where I’ll definitely have a problem hearing people if there’s a lot going on. I tend to withdraw and things like that ‘cause it can be hard to pick out one particular set of sounds and interpret them so you’re not alone there. As for dealing with it I don’t have an answer for you there, I just avoid those situations where I can.

yesharrypotterlover123blr said

“Hi I'm autistic. I try following blogs and debating people, but I wind up offending people accidently. I don't feel comfortable saying it's autism, because it might not be (as I'm very sheltered and privileged/rich/white), + it sounds like an excuse (regardless of the situation in question) but I'm sick of seeing privileged neurotypicals get the benefit of the doubt just for being tactful. Any advice?”

Ok, for not offending people I guess one thing that really helps is just well sometimes I’ll go “right I won’t discuss this issue” if it’s sort of an emotive topic. One thing that really can cause problems, I think this came up in a previous episode, is when you’re interested in an abstract debate on an issue. A lot of people can get this, neurotypicals as well. People like looking at issues in the abstract and going about it in a thought experiment sort of way when the person they’re trying to have the conversation with is saying “this happened to me, this is an experience I had”.

The question is: is this a person who’s talking about – if you look at someone’s blog and they’re talking about had or have on a regular or semi-regular basis. I might post, I don’t know, money’s really tight or something like that, or alternatively on familiar ground someone might talk about sensory issues. You wouldn’t want, I’m sure, lots of us post about that kind of thing but you wouldn’t want somebody replying to that saying let’s start a long proper debate about how you feel. So that’s sometimes how trying to debate people comes across I think.

Because sometimes the best response isn’t a debate. It’s not necessarily what you want, it seems you like debating, but what’s sometimes best is saying “that sucks” rather than saying “but does it happen like that” or “is your experience really valid”. That can just, I think, get in the way. That means you’re not going to get a good faith debate because you could maybe say on a particular issue I’m not sure that…

There’s a difference between disagreeing on a solution for a societal problem, which is fine it happens every day it’s perfectly healthy, and disagreeing that something is a problem in the first place. It’s quite possible and healthy to have a discussion about the former, “right you know, this is an issue how do we get past it” there aren’t always cut and dried answers to these questions.

The trick is at least start out saying “that sucks how can things get better” rather than “did this really happen, was this an issue, was that person…” I don’t know, running dry on examples but I think maybe do something like put up on your blog, I don’t know if you have already, something about “I like debating” and maybe post an invitation, put a post up on your blog or add a little line on your profile “I’m open for a proper theoretical debate, theoretical conversation”

I think there’s impassioned conversations about social justice and there’s debates about these things and there’s room for both, but you’ve got to set parameters for a debate. Like in schools and colleges debate clubs don’t just spring up. They’ve got to be formalised. You say we’ll set up here, go by these rules, and not make things too personal, that’s great that’s fine but a real problem lies when people take that kind of debate club mentality, that debate club ethos and expect it to apply in every situation.

It doesn’t sound like you’re falling into that trap you want to engage people in a respectful way, you’re trying to work out how to do that so kudos to you. The main thing is you’ve got to set the parameters. Say “this is a call for debate so get in my inbox, comment on my post and we can start that conversation”. I think that could happen. Might not be that successful but you’ve got a better shot with that because sometimes you might end up derailing a more personal subjective conversation about social justice and things like that with a demand for an entirely different kind of conversation.

It’s how, I think, things can get out of hand it’s two very different styles of discussing issues and I guess that’s what you’ve got to be really clear on. You can always say “sorry I was looking at it in an abstract kind of way, I wasn’t trying to minimise what you’re going through or the issue”. You can always say “sorry I’m looking at it a bit too abstract you guys carry on”, or alternatively try to look at it from the other person’s pov. How you’d feel if somebody tried to put an abstract spin on something personal to you. I’ve started rambling so that’s as much as I’ve got on that I think.

There is a long question on here. It’s a three parter and it sounds kind of thorny so I’m probably going to be spending the rest of the episode responding to this and working out what to say.

“Hello guys, I was wondering how you feel about polyamory. As a queer autistic boy in a big group of friends (including my partner) who are all allistic nb, queer, and polyamorous (no one’s dating each other, just friends), I feel very left out in a way, because my brain is incredibly hierarchical. I find that I can only have one (1!!!) best friend at a time, and I can only love ONE person (i.e my partner). How can I unlearn this hierarchal thinking? It feels absolutely impossible

but I hate feeling left out (a big source of anxiety for me). People often (my friends and partner included) seem to make polyamory seem like a more Moral alternative, and that monogamy, on the other hand is a Conscious Choice one has to be Determined to make? This feels alien and a bit upsetting to me. And even though my partner says that just because you love 1 person doesn't mean you love someone else more, you can love equally, but this concept I just cannot grasp.

It's as hard to me to understand, as it is for humans in general to imagine colours we've never seen. It's impossible. But I feel kinda guilty and immoral, as if I'm not as emotionally developed as them or something, and as if I'm "possessive" because I can't handle my partner dating someone else than me WHILE they're dating me? My partner isn't actively polyamorous when they’re with me ‘cause they know it'd upset me but still... I don’t wanna be the autie weirdo.. I don’t know what to do”

And breathe. Right, that sounds like a fraught sitch. Thing is I know lots of my friends who are poly and many of the things you’ve mentioned, and I think that frankly I’m sure Liz would back me up on this, acting all as if it’s a better choice is just daft. It’s plain daft is what it is. Looking at alternative forms of relationships to monogamy is really interesting. It works really well for some people but not for others. Some people have, you can have vastly different levels of comfort, different thresholds for jealousy without being a controlling person, without being a bad or insecure person. It’s okay that you feel that there’s one person you want to be with and you don’t want to date anyone else or have your partner date anyone else.

It’s fine. And that could be the way you feel for the rest of your life or you could change your mind, but whatever feels right in that relationship is the right call. There’s no higher or better form of a relationship and anybody who says otherwise is leading you astray I think. I think that there’s a good chance with a lot of people who wouldn’t be comfortable being polyamorous and going for it anyway I feel like there’s, if you feel you’d get possessive, then simply trying to switch to a different form of relationship wouldn’t make it go away, it might just manifest in a different way. It doesn’t sound like you’re being a bad or possessive person at all.

Lots of people have a small amount of people they’re close to in friendship and romance. Lots of people have one partner and one best friend. That’s a really common thing and sometimes people can be a bit elitist about it and a bit, “oh I’m doing a different thing I’m standing out”. It could be that they’re not trying to say the form of their relationship is an inherently moral choice, might just be it’s the right thing for them. There’s a point halfway through about talking about monogamy as a conscious choice. They’re both conscious choices. Choosing to remain with one person choosing to be with multiple people, that’s a conscious choice. But choosing something that’s different to the mainstream isn’t necessarily a better thing nor a worse thing. The only way to make that kind of decision is based around your emotional well-being and your partner’s emotional well-being.

That’s the only thing that really matters there. Tis important to just do what makes you happy. There’s no more right or wrong answer than that. It sounds like you’re someone who’d be much more comfortable being monogamous. It sounds like you wouldn’t be happy with that, it would make you feel less happy in the relationship and even if you feel like you said to your partner “alright let’s try a different tac”, if you’re just doing that to make them happy and you’re uncomfortable with it, chances are they’d notice your discomfort and that would have a knock on effect.

I feel like if you think it’s a thing you can handle or go for, and would be genuinely interested in it then go for it, but going down that path because of what sounds like peer pressure is a really bad way to go I think. It’s got to be about what’s right for you what’s right for your partner and I don’t think it’s necessarily autism at the root of it. It may have something to do with it. But you don’t have to unlearn any thinking.

You don’t have to change. The thing is if it is down to disability then anybody expecting you to change a part of yourself change a part of your thinking is being really gross I think. That’s plain weird. Be yourself, there’s no better person to be. There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing less moral about you. You’re trying to do what’s right for your emotional well-being. It doesn’t sound like you’re judging others, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything negative towards anyone.

You keep on going the way you’re going. It might be a good idea to talk to your friends about how they may come across and how it feels like they’re pushing it as a superior thing. I guess a lot of people fall into monogamy by default but you’re someone who knows the options there, knows the choices they’ve got and you seem to know what makes you feel comfortable. There’s a point to make that people default to monogamy but for some people it seems like you included, it seems like the right way to go.

That’s the last question in the inbox and that just about wraps up the show.

Somehow I’ve manage to talk to about as long as our regular show just on my lonesome. I was tempted to fill in for Liz by occasionally doing an impression but I think they’d probably end up listening and I’m not sure they’d appreciate it. So it’s tarrah for now until next time dear listeners.

That was Adulting with Autism, a very Nick centric special.

Take care.

#podcast #episode 3

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mysweetkittae · 7 years

Text

There has been a sudden influx of negativity in international armys lately and it really needs to stop.

To start with, there seems to be this bizarre notion that Jimin hates international armys??? Like what twisted convoluted path did you stumble across to even get anywhere near that conclusion? Listen, Park Jimin is quite possibly the sweetest, kindest, more caring human being to have ever graced the face of this planet - there is no way that he, or bangtan as a whole for that matter, hates anyone, most definitely not i-armys. And you say that he hates us because he talks to Korean fans? Are you hearing yourself? They are KOREAN boys born and brought up in KOREA who’s first language is KOREAN and are working in KOREA and who’s main audience is KOREAN PEOPLE.

OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO SPEAK IN KOREAN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!!?

So because they don’t always directly address you personally you just assume that they hate you and don’t care about you? If they never addressed Korean armys wouldn’t they feel sad and left out? People seem to forget that bangtan always thank armys whenever they win something, whether it’s a music award or a daesang - armys are the first people they thank and they always thank international fans. Or have you decided to block that fact out of your brain just so you can feel important for a few seconds and complain?

Learning another language isn’t simple, some people have a knack for it and some people don’t, and that’s okay. They try their hardest to communicate with us however they can yet you still say that they don’t care. How hurt must Jimin have been after he heard people saying that he didn’t care enough about international fans? So much so that on the CH+ chat he told people to translate what he was saying because he couldn’t. It hurts my heart thinking about how bad he must have felt even though he has no reason to.

Similarly, every single video there are so many comments complaining that there are no English subtitles and demanding bighit to put them up and claiming that bangtan/bighit obviously don’t care about their international audience if they can’t be bothered to subtitle everything. Now this honestly just baffles me. First of all, the fact that they subtitle their MVs is amazing because not many groups do that, so we should be grateful that they even do that. Don’t forget there are so many wonderful people that take the time to translate literally everything bangtan do/post and it’s often done within a few hours so you don’t even have to wait that long. Do you have any idea how blessed we are that people are willing to dedicate so much time and do that for us? If you’re so pressed about not being able to understand what they’re saying as soon as they say it then why do you try learning Korean yourself? Oh wait, because you don’t want to put in any effort and want everything to be handed to you on a silver platter.

Another thing that bothers me is that it’s always people complaining about things not having English subtitles. Do you really think that the only international fans they have are English speaking? NEWS FLASH: You’re wrong. Believe it or not, English isn’t the only language in the world! *gasp* I know, shocking right? But my dear friends, it’s true. You don’t see other people demanding for subtitles in their language do you? Yes it would be nice if everything was immediately subtitled in every language, but bighit have no obligation to do so, nor is such a task realistic or feasible. So please, stop being so entitled and elitist and thinking that everything revolves around you because it doesn’t.

This brings me on to my next point - the wings tour in Europe. Look, I’m a European army myself and am upset that they aren’t coming to the UK or anywhere else in Europe, but you need to stop hating. First of all, there’s still a possibility for more tour dates so we still have a chance. Secondly, at least they’ve been here before. There are places like Africa or South Asia that they’ve never been to, and unfortunately the chances of them going are very slim. Please stop screaming at them and try to understand that maybe they want to come here, but can’t because of logistics. Organising a concert in another country isn’t easy - there’s visas and travel and accommodation and concert venues and organisers and just so many things that are involved for not just the members but the staff as well. It’s so much more complicated than you might think and sometimes things just don’t work out. Couldn’t there also be the possibility that although there were organisers willing to work with them they weren’t good or trustworthy? We all know the wreck that happened in the highlight tour so I doubt they’d want something similar to happen. Please, just believe in bighit and bangtan. They’d never intentionally exclude people, the circumstances might just make it so.

Lately I’ve also heard a lot of people saying that bangtan and bighit are greedy and letting the fame get to their head. First off, you seem to forget that bighit is a business and this is literally bangtan’s job, of course they’re expecting to get paid. Do you go to work and do everything for free? Obviously not, so why should they? Yes it can be frustrating not being able to buy all the merchandise that they put out, but never at any point have they ever put a gun to your head and forced you to buy something. That’s all on you, so you have absolutely no right to complain. Instead of being pessimistic why don’t you see this as a good thing? They’re giving you the opportunity to support them and get all this wonderful content (which even if you don’t buy it is always uploaded thank you kind souls you da real mvp). There are fans out there that have to wait years for a comeback from their idol and hardly get any content or interactions from them. Armys seem to forget just how spoiled we are as a fandom - bangtan regularly have comebacks, they upload videos for us on their youtube channel, and they talk to us almost everyday whether it’s through twitter, v app or the fancafe. They do so much and care so much for us, yet you still have the audacity to say that they’re greedy and only care about the money? People like you honestly make me sick.

Speaking of not caring, the number of people I’ve seen saying that Taehyung doesn’t care about bangtan anymore and that he’s found better friends it’s actually ridiculous. Listen, bangtan are far beyond the stage of friendship, they are a true family and if you doubt that for even one second then you really don’t know them at all. There’s no law stating that he’s not allowed to have friends that aren’t the members, and I’m sure they trust each other enough to know that even if they hang out with other people sometimes they still love and care about each other so much. And people saying that he’s always distant now need to just stop. The poor boy lost his grandmother, the woman he loved so much and that practically raised him, 6 months ago. Give him time to grieve, please. Things like this aren’t something you can just get over like that, this is going to stay with him and affect him for the rest of his life. He’s a human being just like the rest of us, he’s going to have days where he can’t stop crying and is in pain, and that’s okay. What he needs, now more than ever, is us supporting him, being there for him every step of the way, and just giving him time. He’s an incredibly strong person and I know that he’ll be okay, just please give him time.

Bangtan get so much hate from everyone everywhere, please don’t give them hate from within the fandom too. All they want to do is make music and perform, so please please just be a decent human being and treat them with the love and respect that we all know they deserve.

#my thoughts #ranting kittae #bts #sorry this is so long it's just everything i've been wanting to say for a long time but never knew how to say it #but after today i just couldn't keep it in any longer #my stuff #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #j hope #hoseok #rap monster #namjoon #jimin #v #taehyung #jungkook

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