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starry-kfics · 6 years

Text

picking flowers [sanha]

word count: 15.1k (get some snacks and get comfy)

warnings: mentions of suicide, mentions of bullying, minor depression (no main characters attempt or talk of suicide; no explicit mention of bullying)

author: mel

request: HEY can you do a HS au with Sanha where his crush -and classmate- looks like a cold girl but when she’s with her friend she’s like really funny person and he falls in love with her day by day… i don’t know its clear or not. I think i messed up 😂😂

extra info: kinda angst, mostly fluff. angsty fluff? fluffy angst?? also, i majorly condensed the ages in astro (mj and jinjin are in the same grade, bin and eunwoo in the grade below them, and rocky, sanha, and the reader in the grade below binu)

♡

To say that you were a good student was a bit of a stretch. It wasn’t that you were failing all your classes, you were just never one to get straight A’s all the time. You wouldn’t need Algebra for what you wanted to do.

And, to say that you were popular was also a bit of a stretch. It wasn’t that you were a hermit with no friends, you just didn’t get along with everybody. You didn’t need to be friends with a bunch of people.

Yoon Sanha, on the other hand, was a mystery to you. Almost your polar opposite. He was a straight-A student, was friends with pretty much everyone, and was best friends with the five most popular, attractive, and well-liked upperclassmen at your school. He himself was dorky, tall, gangly, and had just gotten his braces off. Everything popular media said would guarantee him to be bullied for all of his school days. But he wasn’t.

You didn’t resent him for not being bullied, it wasn’t his fault, and you weren’t bullied yourself. But your best friend, your only friend, was. And that, was something you could blame on Sanha.

Yang Jeongin and you became friends on accident. You were going to skip the second half of the school day to go down to the nearby river, and literally tripped on him. He was sitting outside, eating his lunch alone, because nobody would let him sit at their table. So you ended up staying that day, kind of taking him under your wing at school. He was one year your junior, and that combined with his propensity to cling onto you and not hang out with others brought the attention of a bully, Yoon Jaeha. It was a random Tuesday that had you and Jeongin hanging out together at the small outdoor quad before school. You were sitting on a bench, listening to a few new songs as Jeongin did some last-minute studying for his math test. This was really how you spent most of your time with him, doing your own things in proximity to each other.

In your peripheral, you could see a group of boys talking and laughing with each other. You knew who they all were, the popular, attractive, well-liked upperclassmen that had taken Sanha under their wing, much like you had done with Jeongin. Except Sanha was never pantsed in the middle of the halls, or body-checked after second period everyday, or taunted relentlessly whenever he was alone. Jeongin was.

His bully had thankfully learned that you would stand up for your younger friend, and only targeted him when he wasn’t with you.

“Y/N.” Jeongin groaned, slamming his book shut and catching your attention.

“Yes?”

“Can we skip today and go to the river?” “Aren’t you the one who always told me how important school was, and that I should stop skipping?” “I hate math.” “Me too, buddy.” You reached over to ruffle his hair. He swatted your hands away before fervently trying to fix it, “Y/N!” A cackle escaped your lips as you went to mess it up again, only making Jeongin more infuriated and eventually give up, “You’re impossible, Y/N.” “Now you sound like all my teachers.” You grinned, grabbing Jeongin’s book to open it back up for him again, and placed it on his lap. “I want you to do at least two more practice problems before first period, okay?” “Yes, mom.” He said mockingly, but did as you asked anyway. With a victorious grin on your face, you popped your ear bud back into your ear. And accidentally made eye contact with Sanha as he was glancing over at you. His face broke into a smile, probably thinking that your residual grin from interacting with Jeongin was a friendly smile directed towards him, and you quickly looked away. Shit he’s going to think you want to talk to him. Yoon Sanha was unfortunately, a very friendly boy. Awkward and somewhat nervous, sure, but never shy. And you really didn’t like talking to people. Or at least him. So you quickly started doing something intently on your phone, browsing for new music to listen to and hoping that Sanha would just stay with his friends. But instead, two blue sneakers came into view on the grass under your phone. Grimacing, you took one ear bud out, not even bothering to pause your music. “Hey, Y/N.” Sanha greeted you brightly. “Hi, Sanha.” You said shortly as Jeongin looked over to you with wide eyes. “Did you study for the test in Chemistry today?” “Yes.” “Well, did you understand it all? Because I’m not quite sure about balancing reactions, and I was wondering if-” “Sorry, but Jeongin and I were actually reviewing his math right now, and we’re about to go inside to get his calculator.” You started tugging on your friend’s jacket to get him to stand up. “Oh, well I have an extra calculator in my bag, and I was really good at systems of equations last year, so I could help-” Sanha offered, and you cut him off again as you started hurrying away from him. “Nope, don’t need your help. Bye, Sanha.” “Well could we go over Chemistry at lunch, Y/N?” You turned around, walking backwards away from him as you kept shoving the flustered Jeongin, “Wish I could, but I’m afraid that I’m going to come down with a terrible stomach bug right before lunch.” With that, you practically kicked the door open and yanked Jeongin inside, Sanha staying outside as the door closed behind you. Looking at the time, you said, “Here, I’ll walk you to first.” “You don’t have to be mean to Yoon Sanha like that.” Your friend quietly pointed out as you started walking up the stairs together. “It’s not his fault.” “But he doesn’t do anything about it.” “Maybe he doesn’t know.” “How could he not? The whole school knows. And they also do nothing.” “You pull off ‘hating the world’ really well, Y/N.” “I don’t hate the world.” You pointed out. “I don’t really hate anything. It’s just a strong dislike.” “Do you like anything, Y/N?” Jeongin teased, and you took a moment to ponder this. “Food, my family for the most part, food, you, I guess.” He wrinkled his nose, and you rolled your eyes. “Like an annoying little brother.” You took the opportunity to spin it on him, elbowing his side teasingly as you said, “Speaking of liking things, are you going to talk to Yena today?” Jeongin immediately flushed at the mention of his crush, rubbing his neck nervously. “When will you let that go?” “When you finally confess to her. It’s been two months, Jeongin!” “She doesn’t like me!” “I happen to have insider information, that she does.” “Insider information requires talking to someone other than me, Y/N. Which you don’t do.” You finally arrived at his classroom. “Piss off, Jeongin.” He had a grin on his face as he opened the door, braces and dimples making an appearance. “See you at lunch, Y/N.” “See you.” Shaking your head to yourself as you walked away, you were still grinning mischievously. He didn’t need to know how you knew. All he needed to know was that you knew Yena liked Jeongin as much as Jeongin liked her. It felt like your little brother was getting his first crush, and it was adorable to you. Now he just needed to confess. But, your knowledge of people liking other people didn’t extend to anybody who might like you. Which is probably why Yoon Sanha bothering you didn’t catch your attention. To you, that was just who he was, a very nice, very smart, very bothersome boy. At lunch, you walked to your normal spot behind the school building, by the gate that you usually snuck out of. This was where you’d first met Jeongin, and where you two liked to have lunch, once he’d convinced you to stay instead of skipping almost every other day. But he was late to your lunch meeting, and you peered around the corner looking for him. Had Jaeha found him? Was he in trouble? But then you saw him walking out of the building, perfectly okay. In fact, better than okay. Walking next to him, smiling and laughing was Yena. With an irrepressible grin, you gave him a thumbs-up when you made eye contact with him. You two had a momentary silent conversation, as he asked with his eyes if it was okay for him to not sit with you today. You waved him off with a shooing motion and a nod. He sent a thankful smile before focusing back on whatever Yena was saying, sitting together at a table. You were so proud of your friend, and excited for the alone time. Maybe you could skip and go to the river alone like you used to. Jeongin never wanted to skip with you, the most he would do was go just beyond the gate to sit in the meadow with you during lunch. But he always had to be back on school grounds ten minutes before lunch would be over. His insistence on the matter was a good thing sometimes, your teachers had complimented that your attendance was getting better, and your grades were even getting better. Not a lot better, but noticeably so. Standing up, you decided to at least skip the next two periods, and be back for your Chemistry test. Making up tests was the worst, and definitely not worth skipping them in the first place. Jogging towards the fence, you gleefully found it unlocked, as it always was. You were pretty sure the groundskeeper had lost the key and never bothered getting another one to lock it back up again. Once in the field, it was a twenty-five minute walk to the river, which is why Jeongin would never go with you, it was too far to be back in time. But now you were unhindered, and with a skip in your step, took the somewhat worn path you always did. The river was nothing special really, in fact it was more of a creek, no powerful current or depth anywhere. You’d even packed a swimsuit one day and taken a dip, it only went up to your bellybutton at the deepest point. Unfortunately, you hadn’t planned on going, so there was no foresight to bring a swimsuit, or a blanket of some sort to sit on. So instead, you took this time to practice. In a small clearing on the river bank, you laid down your jacket, put a song on full blast, and tossed your phone on top of your jacket. There, all alone, the sounds of the river meshing with the music, you could dance to your heart’s desire. And you did, practicing a routine you’d made by yourself. In your mind, you’d imagined it to be with a partner, but Jeongin didn’t want to dance with you, he was afraid it would make Jaeha tease him more. So you were stuck dancing by yourself, which was fine. You’d gone through the full song about three times when there was suddenly a voice singing along to it, approaching from your left. You could recognize those off-beat, out of tune wails anywhere. “Park Jinwoo.” You declared with something like a smile, as he walked into the clearing. “I didn’t pin you for the type to skip.” “And I didn’t pin you for the type to dance alone next to a creek.” He said in a similar manner, no malice between the two of you. “It’s a river.” “My bad.” You had no issue with Jinwoo, or any of the other upperclassmen Sanha was friends with, but your need to distance yourself from Sanha meant interacting with his friends as little as possible as well. “So what are you doing out here?” You paused your music to talk to him. “I came to talk to you.” “How’d you know I was out here?” “Sanha.” “And how did he know I was out here?” “He notices things about you.” Jinwoo shrugged. “Like the fact that you really don’t like him.” “And that’s your business because?” You were now getting tired of the conversation, pocketing your phone and grabbing your jacket to start walking down the riverbank. “Because,” the older boy followed you, keeping your pace. “I was the one who encouraged him to go talk to you, and you shot him down.” “Again, how is that your business? It’s my right to talk to who I want to talk to, and to not talk to people that I don’t want to talk to.” “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, Y/N. But don’t judge Sanha by his brother. He’s a really sweet kid.” “Whatever.” Jinwoo checked the time, slowing down for a moment, and you did as well, curious as he let out a groan. “I need to go now if I want to be back in time for sixth period. Please, just think about it, Y/N. Bye.” You didn’t even return his farewell, watching his retreating figure with satisfaction. Now you could be alone again for another hour; you weren’t going back until seventh period. Plugging your headphones in, you decided to watch a few dance practice videos by some idol groups, to get inspiration for your own dances. Eventually, you realized that you needed to start heading back as well, you’d wandered pretty far down the river. Back at the school, the gate was made to look like it was locked, probably Jinwoo trying to make sure nobody was suspicious of anyone having snuck out. Fake locking it behind you, you got to the quad just as the bell rang, and slipped into the hallways as they started to get crowded with kids leaving their sixth periods. “It’s hella trophies and it’s hella thick.” You half-muttered and half-sang along to the song playing through your headphones under your breath, doing some of the choreography in your head. “What you think 'bout that, what you think 'bout that?” “Bet it’s got my haters hella sick.” A voice joined in from beside you, unfortunately next to the ear that didn’t have an earphone in, meaning that you couldn’t pretend like you didn’t hear them. “Congrats, you know a song that I know.” You rolled your eyes at Sanha as he matched his strides with yours. “I know more BTS songs. Do you like them too?” “A lot of people know BTS songs.” “What’s your favorite?” “I don’t have one.” “Mine is 'I Need U.’” “I didn’t ask.” You walked into your classroom, not bothering to hold the door open for Sanha behind you. But that didn’t deter him, he followed you to your lab table. Unfortunately, on the first day of school when the seating charts were made, you arrived late and the last available seat was at the front, right next to Sanha, who actually wanted to sit at the front of the classroom. Another reason that you liked to skip the second half of the school day, you had lunch, and the last two classes of the school day with him. “You weren’t in sixth period, Y/N.” Sanha commented as he sat down. “Yep.” “Why?” “I told you, I got a stomach bug.” You deadpanned, begrudgingly sitting beside him. “And it magically got better before this class?” “No, I might puke on you at any second. In fact, I feel something coming right now, maybe you should move before I projectile vomit on you.” Sanha still wasn’t put off by your behavior, merely looking at you with an eyebrow raised. “Oh, that’s attractive.” His sarcastic remark almost made you laugh. Key word: almost. But, he seemed to notice you holding back a smile, a small one spreading across his own face. Before he could say anything else, you stuffed your headphones back in and turned the volume on the song up. The teacher seemed to notice this, giving you a pointed look, and you took an ear bud out to listen to her. “Y/N, phones away, and headphones out of your ears.” The teacher chastised you. “Yes, Ms. Kim,” You paused your music, tucking your phone into your backpack. “Y/N.” Sanha called your name, and now you were doubly irritated. Ms. Kim had taken away your only method of ignoring Sanha now. “Sanha.” “Why do you hate me?” “I don’t hate you.” “Well it seems like you do.” “Then you’re about as observant as a wooden stick.” “Well that sounds like you’re only mean to me because you have an enormous crush on me and don’t know how to express your feelings.” “Get your head out of your ass.” “Vehement denial. Suspicious.” “Don’t make me physically put your head up your ass.” “Well then what’s the reason?” Thankfully, the bell rang and Ms. Kim immediately started passing out the test, forcing Sanha to shut up. Surprisingly, you were done before Sanha. It was a subject that was easy to you, balancing equations, formula weight, stoichiometry. For some reason, you understood it with little studying. Sanha, however, scratched his head as he was only three questions into the test out of ten, with fifteen minutes left. You watched out of the corner of your eye with intrigue, were you actually better than Yoon Sanha at something academic? If you really cared, you would maybe gloat about it, but kept it to yourself. No need to interact with him any more than necessary. The bell rang, and he still had his test out, meaning that you could leave and not have to worry about him following you to continue your conversation. At the front of the school, you were elated to see Jeongin waiting for you. The two of you lived in the same direction from the school, and walked together for the first five minutes before having to go your separate ways. “I thought that you would be walking Yena home.” You teased, not even a hint of jealousy in you; you were genuinely thrilled for your friend to be talking to his crush. “She had to stay for art club.” Jeongin explained as you two started your journey home. “You should join art club, then.” “I don’t like art.” “But you like Yena.” “Y/N!” He was flustered again when you brought her up. Slinging an arm around his shoulders, you pulled him down in an apologetic yet still teasing grip. “I’m sorry, Jeonginnie. I’ll stop talking about your crush.” “Now let’s talk about yours.” “And who would that be?” “Literally every member of BTS.” “Ah, you’ve got me there.” You maintained your normal banter with Jeongin until the intersection where you had to split up, saying your goodbyes to each other. At your house, you chatted with your dad and had a snack before starting on your homework.

The next week of school had gone by seemingly without incident. Until you showed up three minutes later than you normally did to the quad before first period, and found Jeongin curled up into a ball behind the school building. Rushing to his side, you saw that his cheek was split open, a small amount of blood pooling to the surface, and you could tell that he was holding back tears. “Holy shit, I was three minutes late.” “And I was four minutes early.” He added miserably. “That’s seven minutes for Jaeha to do this.” “Jeongin…” You said softly, reaching into your backpack for some tissues and a bandaid. “We should take you to the nurse. And then the principal. This is unacceptable. Jaeha has taken it too far.” He hissed as you dabbed at the blood, wiping around the cut. After you had pressed a bandage the wound, Jeongin shook his head, mumbling, “What will Yena think?” “Yena will think that Jaeha is an asshole and that you were brave for telling an authority figure instead of crying by yourself behind the school.” “I’m not by myself, you’re here.” Your friend pointed out, and you sat back on your knees with a sigh. “Fine, we won’t go to the principal, or an authority figure. But you bet your entire ass I’m going to talk to somebody about it.” And so that’s how you ended up standing in front of Yoon Sanha’s locker before fourth period, arms crossed as you tapped your foot impatiently, waiting for him. Jeongin got to his first period okay, and you were worried for him the whole day until lunch, when you left your third period early to get to Sanha’s locker before passing period started. Surprisingly, it was Jeongin that approached you at the locker first. You sometimes forgot that his locker was in the same row as Sanha’s, “Y/N, what are you doing?” “Don’t worry, Jeonginnie, I’m just going to talk to him.” You assured him, and he cast you a nervous glance. “Are you sure? I really don’t need anything else to aggravate Jaeha…” “Jeongin, I promise, I will get him to stop if it’s the last thing I do in this godforsaken school. Now go eat lunch with Yena, she’s probably waiting.” With those words and a supportive smile, you watched him disappear down the halls. The next person to approach you was exactly who you were looking for, accompanied by a couple people you weren’t necessarily looking for. Myungjun and Jinwoo, his two friends that were in their last year of school before university. “We’re going to go to lunch now.” Myungjun announced loudly, veering the other direction down the hallway. “Good luck Sanha!” Jinwoo whispered to the younger boy, although it was loud enough for you to hear. Sanha approached you hesitantly, but with a big smile. You put up a hand just as he opened his mouth to greet you. “We need to talk.” Grabbing his arm, you dragged him outside. You dragged him past the quad and behind the school building. He was quiet the whole time, but clearly confused, maybe even a little scared. “What do we need to talk about?” He questioned. “Have you seen Yang Jeongin today?” You asked simply. “Your friend? Of course, his locker is a couple down from mine.” “Best friend.” You corrected, causing a glimmer of a smile to cross Sanha’s face, then you continued on. “And, did you see the bandage on his face?” “Yeah. What is it, a pimple that he doesn’t want to scar or something?” “No, it’s a wound. From where your brother punched him.” Sanha froze, eyes widening and jaw nearly dislocating in shock. “M-my brother?” “Yoon Jaeha.” You confirmed. “He doesn’t even know Jeongin. I promise, he didn’t do th-” “Shut the fuck up.” You tried not to yell, taking a deep breath. “You’re in denial, and you need to stop. It’s disgusting.” “What do you know?” Now Sanha was getting angry, his face turning red as he tried to contain his yells of indignation. “Nothing, you know nothing!” “I know plenty, Yoon Sanha.” “Really?” “Yes, really. My older brother used to bully people, too. He would make fun of them, push them into lockers, rough them up if they looked at him the wrong way. And I ignored it, I turned a blind eye and idolized him for being my big strong older brother that could do no wrong.” You practically spat out your words as you relayed the story. “Then one of the kids he bullied tried to commit suicide. He lived, thankfully, but my brother and my family will never be done apologizing and repaying their penance to that boy and his family. And I absolutely hated- no, still hate- myself for what I did; ignoring it, and letting it happen.” Bile was rising in your esophagus as you spoke, your words bringing about the most unpleasant experiences and feelings in your life. But you continued. You had to, for Jeongin, “That’s what you’re doing, that’s why I dislike you. You know it’s happening, and you’re turning a blind eye, whether accidentally or not. I’m not a hateful person, I’m really not. I want to be kind and loving, and giving out second chances left and right. But people like you, people like me, don’t deserve them.” Sanha was speechless after your rant, and you wiped at your lip where saliva was threatening to launch itself. You had gotten yourself worked up, and you quickly realized that maybe you had said too much. He was looking at you with the most complex range of emotions: anger, pity, sympathy, betrayal, disbelief, and just plain old sadness. “You deserve a second chance, Y/N.” Sanha finally spoke, his voice soft but clear. Even though his words were clearly meant to make you feel better, they set you off again. “This isn’t about me!” You screeched, almost in hysterics. “It’s about your jackass brother leaving Yang Jeongin alone.” The boy in front of you was at a loss for words, or anything at all. He stood petrified, and you were too worried about crying in front of Sanha that you’d forgotten about your original mission, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, stomping over to the gate. Not even caring that Sanha now knew exactly where you were, you just needed to get out of there. You knew the field and river behind the school better than anyone, you’d be able to hide from Sanha if he decided to follow you. And you prayed and hoped that he didn’t. If you ever saw his face again, you thought that you might puke. Because all you could see was yourself.

The next morning, you were tempted to tell your mother you were sick, and just stay home from school. But you hadn’t missed a day of school since you’d become friends with Jeongin, and you weren’t about to start now. Especially not when he just got punched in the face yesterday. Jaeha might want to continue.

You left the house ten minutes earlier than normal, not wanting a repeat of yesterday’s consequences of you being tardy. The school campus was quiet this early in the morning, only the staff and a couple other kids were there before you. You even had time to stop at your locker before heading back to the school gates to greet Jeongin. To your delight, his arm was linked with someone else’s. Yena’s, specifically. They were chatting, and you stood waiting for them with a smug smile on your face. “Good morning, Y/N!” Jeongin greeted you brightly before nervously introducing Yena. “Yena, this is my best friend Y/N. Y/N, this is Yena.” “Hey, Y/N. Did you finish our Computer Technologies homework?” Yena asked, and you fell into step with them. “Actually, yeah.” You swung your flash drive around on your keychain. “It was the only homework I did last night.” “You two know each other?” Jeongin was dumbfounded, and you smirked at him. “I told you, Jeonginnie, insider information.” Yena giggled as he sat down on your normal bench, immediately slumping over. You sat on Yena’s other side, talking with them for a bit. But you couldn’t help your eyes from constantly flitting over to your right, where Sanha was standing with his older friends. Had he told them about your “conversation” yesterday? Had he talked to Jaeha at all? For some reason, you doubted it. He was probably still denial, like you had been. Someone approaching from the left of your small trio caught your attention. You were immediately wary as the figure caused Jeongin to tense up. You stood up, slowly moving in between your friend and the older boy. Yoon Jaeha was walking towards you, shoulders hunched. “Hey, Y/N. Could I talk to Jeongin privately for a moment?” He coughed awkwardly, and you narrowed your eyes. “Whatever you have to say to Jeongin you can say to us too.” Yena threw out, and you were unsure how much Jeongin had told her about his situation with Jaeha. Clearly it was enough for her to join you in defending him. “Uh, okay.” Jaeha cleared his throat again. “Well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Yang Jeongin. About your face, and uh, everything. It was a shitty thing to do, and I’ll leave you alone.” Jeongin seemed surprised, standing up himself to stick his hand out to the older boy. “I forgive you, Yoon Jaeha.” Jaeha shook his hand, then mumbled one last apology before slinking off somewhere. Your friend looked at you with wide eyes. “Y/N, I don’t know what you did yesterday, but thank you so much!” Jeongin launched himself into your arms, and you stumbled backwards for a moment. Laughing, you hugged the boy back. “You’re welcome, Jeongin.” He let go of you, and Yena gave you a hug as well, thanking you too. “I’m just happy that he’s done bothering you.” You said, your heart swelling with happiness. Your best friend was grinning madly, braces on full display and dimple deeper than the ocean. “Now I’ve got someone I need to talk to.” You excused yourself from your friends. “We’ll see you later, Y/N!” Jeongin promised as he and Yena went the opposite direction from you. Shouldering your backpack and swallowing what was left of your pride, you took determined steps towards the group of boys who had watched the whole scene. As soon as Jaeha left, they immediately tried to turn back to what they were talking about before, as if they weren’t watching intently. But you knew that they were. And you knew that there was one of them in particular you had to speak with. “Sanha.” You called out his voice as you walked up from behind him and a boy you knew to be Minhyuk. “Hi, Y/N.” He didn’t seem as eager to see you as he did yesterday, and you suddenly got worried. “Can we talk for a minute?” “Of course.” The tall boy gestured for you to lead the way, and followed you to the bench where you had just been sitting with Yena and Jeongin. “Thank you, for whatever you said to Jaeha to make him stop.” You took a deep breath before continuing. “And I’m sorry, for yelling at you yesterday, and for basically calling you a piece of shit that didn’t deserve a second chance. That was out of line.” Sanha blinked, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “You don’t need me to forgive you, Y/N. You need to forgive yourself. I can’t give you whatever validation you’re looking for. I really can’t.” Your chest shuddered at his words, they were true. You saw yourself in him, in his situation, and tried to get forgiveness from him. He could see right through you, though, and you didn’t know how. “Fuck, you’re- you’re right.” You sniffled as tears started filling your eyes again. Furiously wiping at them, you were determined not to cry. “Come on,” Sanha stood up, slinging your backpack onto his shoulder with his own, and gently took your arm in his hand. “Let’s go somewhere.” You were still trying not cry as Sanha took you to whatever destination he had in mind. The sounds of the students chattering amongst themselves faded away, and when you looked up from your shoes, you noticed that Sanha had taken you behind the school, in the shade provided by the building. He sat down, tugging on your wrist for you to do the same. You obliged, vision still watery as you couldn’t even make eye contact with him. “Do you want to talk?” “No.” “Okay.” He accepted your answer, not moving to stand up or anything. Instead, he just sat there with you, as if waiting for you to say something. Eventually you did, the silence becoming suffocating, “Why are you being nice to me? I was an absolute asshat to you because of something your brother did.” “I’m being nice to you, in hopes that one day you’ll be nice to yourself. Because I really do believe that you deserve a second chance, Y/N. And you should give it to yourself.” His words brought even more tears to your eyes, and soon they were streaming down your cheeks. He was making you truly look at yourself, something you hadn’t done since your brother got the call that his classmate he had bullied had ended up in the hospital, wrists in thick bandages to stop the bleeding.

And it was terrifying. You wrapped your jacket around yourself tighter, trying to comfort yourself. The sound of the warning bell ringing reached your ears, and you said to Sanha, “You should go, you don’t want to be late.” Sanha made no move to leave, “I also don’t want to leave you crying behind the school by yourself.” And so Yoon Sanha sat with you until your eyes were dry, and the red puffiness had receded a little bit. You stretched as you stood up, and he did the same. “Thank you.” You uttered, not quite sure of what to say. He nodded, checking his watch. “We’ve still got twenty minutes left of first period.” “Then we should go in, better late than never.” Checking that there were no wandering teachers or staff members first, the two of you crossed the grassy quad together, slipping into the main building. Both of your first periods were on the second floor, so you were still by him as you walked up. When you got to where you knew your paths would diverge, you were starting your goodbye when Sanha suddenly blurted something out, “See you sixth-” “Do you want to sit with me at lunch?” You cocked an eyebrow, “How do you know I’m in your lunch? You sit inside.” “Ah, I just, kind of notice things?” “I’ll see if Jeongin’s eating with me or Yena’s art club friends today. If he is eating with them, I might come by your table.” “You don’t sound angry.” “What would I be angry about?” “Jeongin and Yena.” “It’s not like I’m into him or anything,” You snorted almost in disbelief. “And I’m actually super proud of him for getting other friends and talking to his crush.” “That’s nice.” He commented, a smile on his face. “Maybe you should get other friends too.” “We’ll see what happens at lunch, then.” You started walking towards your classroom. “Bye Sanha.” “Bye Y/N!” Lunchtime rolled around, and Jeongin still hadn’t replied to your text asking where he was sitting. With a shrug, you guessed that he was sitting with Yena and her friends, and decided to find Sanha’s table. You heard Sanha’s friends before you could see them in the packed lunchroom, various screams and hysterical laughter met your ears. Approaching the table, you immediately looked to Sanha. “Hey Y/N! You can sit here,” He patted the seat to his left, and you did so. “That’s my seat!” Came the indignant voice of Myungjun as he joined the table. “Oh hi, Y/N.” Jinwoo, who was walking with him, elbowed his arm, “MJ hyung, just sit next to me and leave them be.” Disgruntled, Myungjun sat beside his friend, pulling out his own lunch. The other boys came to the table, giving you wary hellos. The six boys were all hungrily munching on their food, and you just sat there, somewhat amused by it. “Do you not have a lunch, Y/N?” Sanha asked with a frown as he noticed that you weren’t eating as well. “I was planning on skipping this period and fifth and going to the boba cafe a couple blocks away.” You explained your lack of a meal, and immediately had various foods shoved in front of you. Chips from Sanha, a quarter of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from MJ, a cookie from Bin, rice from Minhyuk, an apple from Dongmin, and a juice from Jinwoo, were all presented to you. More like forced at you, technically. “You guys can keep your food, I really don’t-” You trailed off when you saw the pointed look from Sanha. This was part of a second chance for yourself, accepting others’ kindness. Changing your demeanor, you said, “Thank you.” With that, you popped a chip into your mouth, and the friendly conversation and banter at the table resumed.

After that lunch, you realized that you’d gotten six new friends, whether you wanted to or not. Dongmin lived down the street from you, and had started leaving in the morning just before you did, walking with you a couple blocks before Bin would join the both of you. Then, you were most likely to be roped into the group meeting before school started. Minhyuk and you had ended up together for a project in your second period. Jinwoo would often find you after second and talk with you for a moment as you went to your third periods that were near each other.

Then, the group would reunite at lunch. When you all had to break apart for fifth period, Myungjun tagged along to yours, since he was a peer for that teacher. Of course sixth and seventh period were spent with Sanha, whom you’d started finding less and less bothersome. In

fact, if he didn’t immediately give you a bright smile when you sat beside him in Chemistry, you were a little disappointed. And that text to Jeongin still went unanswered. It wasn’t that you’d forgotten about him, it was far from that. You still loved your best friend with all your heart, but his now-girlfriend had introduced him to so many more people that he was becoming friends with. And while it made your heart twinge, you were proud of him. After all, you were also becoming friends with other people. It was as if maybe your friendship was meant to be just a stepping stone for you both. “Y/N, can we study tonight? I did not get that lesson.” Sanha groaned as the two of you walked out of Chemistry. “Yeah, let me give my dad a heads-up that you’re coming over.” You agreed, bringing your phone out of your pocket. There was a text already there, the name having not popped up on your screen in well over two months. [jeongin: do you want to come over for pizza and movies tonight? we haven’t hung out in forever. i’m staying for art club, but you can come over around dinnertime] Your throat seized up as you thought over your response. Theoretically, you could finish studying with Sanha before dinnertime then go to Jeongin’s house. But your dad had kind of fallen in love with Sanha, insisting every time he was over that he stay for dinner. And you really loved it, it was something you’d never pass up, despite the embarrassing stories your father would tell about you.

[you: i wish i could, but my dad said i can’t hang out with anyone unless i bring my grades back up. sorry] It was somewhat true, your dad said no friends after school, unless it was for something school-related. Or unless it was Sanha. He didn’t even try to hide his favoritism towards your new friend, preferring him over any of the others you’d introduced him to. Minhyuk had come over before for your project, and your dad pretty much treated him as a criminal, but would probably let Sanha get away with murder. Going into your texts with your dad, you started typing as you and Sanha walked down the stairs. [you: hey dad, sanha’s coming over for chemistry studying] [dad: oh no! i’m going to your mother’s work dinner tonight. give him my apologies. we’ll be home at seven!] [you: can i order us pizza then?] [dad: yes, i left money on the counter for you anyway] Your phone buzzed with another text, and you glanced up to thank Sanha as he held the door to the school building open for you. [jeongin: that’s okay. tomorrow right after school?] [you: that sounds perfect. see you then!] Dongmin and Bin joined you and Sanha at the front of the school to walk home. They said their goodbyes as Dongmin was apparently going to Bin’s house, as Sanha was going to yours. At your house, you threw your stuff down and grabbed a snack for you and Sanha to eat. At your kitchen table, you brought out your textbooks as well notes from the class. “Okay so, which parts of periodic trends do you not get?” You asked, chewing on a cracker. “Uh most of it. Like, I understand why it happens, kind of, but I just don’t remember which ways and the exceptions and all of that.” Sanha replied before popping a cracker in his own mouth. You launched into an explanation of the material, for some reason you actually understood it. Once Sanha was sure he understood, you all did a couple practice problems from a worksheet your teacher had given you. However, when you went to check your answers, Sanha had gotten almost all of them wrong. “That’s it, I’m dropping out.” He groaned, shoving his books and papers away from him. Calmly closing your own book, you stood up. “Let’s take a break. I got Super Mario Brothers Wii.” "Oh hell yeah!” Sanha was suddenly energized, running down the hall towards your room. Sitting side-by-side on your bed, knees touching as his long legs were folded underneath him as best he could, you played video games with Sanha. It had become an integral part of your friendship, whether you were at your house, his house, or one of the other boys’, you two always ended up at a game console of sort. Screams and cheers and groans always spilled out of both your mouths, depending on if you were on the same team, and if you were winning. This time you were on the same team, trying to finish the levels at the best proficiency you could. You were about halfway through World One when Sanha’s character died, losing his last life. That meant that you had to completely restart the world. “Are you shitting me?” You hissed, just about throwing your controller onto the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N!” Sanha cried out, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him. You fell over onto your bed at the force, a mess of limbs and laughter as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp. But he held tight to you, apologies adding to your laughs in the air. “I forgive you! I forgive you!” You squealed out, and he finally released you. Still with a grin on your face, you managed to sit yourself back up. Your eyes caught on something outside your window, and you nearly screamed. There was someone peering into your window, just barely out of sight. Before you could alert Sanha, or call the police, or scream, you realized that it was someone familiar. And that you definitely needed to talk to them. “Sanha, could you go make me a cup of chocolate milk while I set up the next level, please?” You asked him sweetly, and he stood up. “Of course.” He raised his arms above his head to stretch, shirt sliding up ever so slightly before he put his arms back down. “I’ll get myself a glass too. Do you want food while I’m in the kitchen?” You weren’t hungry, but you needed to delay him as much as possible, “A sandwich sounds really good right now.” “Aish, what am I, your husband or something?” “You offered! And, I was thinking more like a servant.” He chuckled, sticking his tongue out at you, which in turn caused you to reach forward to give his chest a push, “Alright, I’m going.” Once he was out of sight, you closed your door before padding over to the window. Pushing it up, you called out, “Yang Jeongin! Get your nosy little ass over here!” Your friend emerged from behind one of the taller bushes in your neighbor’s yard. As he got closer to your window, you realized that he seemed upset. With good reason, as far as he knew, you’d blown him off for Sanha. “Hey Y/N.” Jeongin had a tartness in his voice as he spoke, “I thought you were grounded from friends?” “My dad made an exception for studying.” You explained, hoping he wasn’t too mad. It was true that you didn’t hang out as frequently, but you still didn’t want to lose your friend completely. “That really seemed like studying.” “We were taking a break-” You were only partway through your excuse when you realized that Jeongin wasn’t angry, or even annoyed. Instead, he seemed amused as he listened, head tilted to the side. “Don’t you dare be thinking what I think you’re thinking.” “And what would that be? That you and Sanha have huge, enormous crushes on each other?” Now it was Jeongin teasing you about crushes, and you didn’t like the change of roles. You were supposed to be poking fun at him, not the other way around. Scowling, you attempted to change the topic, “Why are you even hiding outside my window, Jeongin? That’s a bit stalker-ish.” “I saw you and Sanha walking together, and I know that his brother drives him to school. So I decided to investigate.” “That’s super stalker-ish, Jeonginnie.” “You’re avoiding.” “You’re annoying.” There was suddenly a yell from inside your house, “Y/N, do you want ham or turkey?” “Uh, give me a minute!” You replied, just as loud. “I’ll come to you-” Jeongin was still at your window, looking smug as he crossed his arms. “Don’t! I’m changing! Currently naked! Do not enter!” “Oh, okay.” Sanha’s voice was closer, he must be right outside the door. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “I’ll be in the kitchen.” Once you were sure he was back in the kitchen, you turned to the boy outside your window with narrowed eyes, “You’ve gotta go, because now I actually have to change so he doesn’t think I was lying to him.” “Fine, fine, I’ll be going.” Your friend raised his hands up in surrender. “But once you two are a thing, we’re going to have double dates, okay?” “Leave.” With one more dimpled laugh and wave, Jeongin walked around to the front of your house, then down the sidewalk. You breathed a sigh of relief, closing your window up and quickly switching your school clothes out for pajamas. Treading out to the kitchen, you tried to be nonchalant about your changing of clothes. Sanha had two chocolate milks and one sandwich made, and he explained the lack of one sandwich, “I haven’t made yours yet, because I didn’t know what you wanted on it.” “Ah, I’m not that hungry anymore, actually.” You replied, helping him to start putting away the sandwich ingredients. “Besides, we need to get back to studying anyway.” You two had finally gotten through the chapter, and Sanha slammed his book shut in victory. “If I see another chemical formula I might just burn my eyes off.” With a chuckle, you closed your book as well, and finished the last of your chocolate milk before speaking again, “We should order the pizza now, so it’s here by the time we get hungry again.” He agreed, and you quickly called it in. As you were ordering, you watched as Sanha stood up, walking towards your living room. Figuring he just wanted to sit on something comfier, you stayed in the kitchen to finish the order. When you had hung up, you shuffled into the living room as well to see Sanha’s long body sprawled out on your couch. He looked half-asleep, so you decided not to bother him, moving to sit in the armchair beside the couch. “Y/N,” he whined, reaching a hand out to grab your forearm. “Sanha,” You mimicked his tone, and he looked up at you through his eyelashes, clearly tired. “I’m cold.” “I’ll get you a blanket.” “But I don’t want a blanket.” “Then freeze.” “Y/N.” He tugged on your arm, and you realized what he wanted. “Jeez, you’re so needy.” You scoffed as he sat up slightly, letting you sit where his head just was. He laid his head back down on your lap, and your fingers instinctively started running through his hair, absentmindedly playing with his brown locks with one hand, the other grabbing the remote to start finding something to watch. “Y/N.” “I swear to God, Sanha, what is it now?” “Thank you for giving me the chance to be your friend.” Your annoyance faded and you felt your face soften as you looked down at Sanha, putting the remote to the side. He was looking back up at you with a fond smile on his face as you kept messing with his hair, waiting for you to say something back. “I still don’t know why you wanted to be my friend,” You frowned, hands stopping as you became absorbed in your thoughts. “I was a jerk to you because of your brother.” “Yeah, you were. But I knew that you weren’t actually a jerk, I saw you smile, and laugh, and joke with Jeongin at school. And one time I’d gone outside during lunch, and saw you go behind the school building, and I wondered where you’d gone. Then I saw you on the other side of the fence, in the meadow, and you looked so peaceful. I knew that you were a wonderful person, so I wanted to see it for myself.” “And am I as wonderful as you thought I was?” “Even more so.” Sanha’s words were so sincere, and so sweet, and he looked at you with such a loving expression, you felt your heart start to hurt and your eyes threatened to water up. “Thanks, Sanha.” You chewed on your lip, and he smiled up at you. “Speaking of the meadow, do you want to go there with me tomorrow? Just for lunch, you don’t have to skip any of your classes.” “Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun.” And with that he rolled onto his side, adjusting his head in your lap into a more comfortable position. You realized with a fond smile that he was going to take a nap. Instead of entertaining yourself with the TV, you pulled out your phone in one hand while the other absentmindedly played with Sanha’s hair, brushing it away from his face, letting it fall back onto his forehead before you brushed it away again. The repetitive cycle relaxed you, and apparently Sanha too as his breathing evened out, the faintest kitten-like snores coming from his slightly-parted lips. He had actually fallen asleep on your lap. Opening the camera on your phone, you took a few pictures of the sleeping boy at various angles. Some made him look like an angel, while others were so unfortunate you had to choke back your laughter at them. You decided to send a couple of the worse ones in your new friend group’s group chat, appropriately named Hot Mess Central. [you: can you believe this 11/10 visual right here: attached images] [mj: im cACKLING OH MY GOD] [minhyuk: no seriously, he’s actually cackling right now. it’s hurting my ears] [jinwoo: i can also confirm that] [bin: i’m saving each and every one of these pictures] [dongmin: wait y/n, it looks like he’s sleeping on your lap] [mj: THATS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER] [bin: is he??] [jinwoo: i double-checked the pictures and you can clearly see y/n’s hand in his hair!!] [minhyuk: that’s adorable] Rolling your eyes at the detective skills your friends decided to employ to embarrass you, you replied. [you: yeah, his head is on my lap because he’s a Needy Bitch™] [jinwoo: yeah but he’s YOUR needy bitch] [you: that’s one of the least endearing things i’ve ever heard of] [bin: sanha is one of the least endearing things i’ve ever heard of] Holding back a snort, you typed out your response, going back into your camera roll for the angelic pictures of Sanha you had. [you: oh that’s just mean, bin. he’s plenty endearing: attached images] [mj: THATS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER] [you: that’s a very wide vocabulary, mj] [dongmin: that’s a very bad way of avoiding the situation, y/n] [jinwoo; i agree, y/n is avoiding] [bin: i second that] [you: no bin, jinwoo already seconded it] [bin: then i third it] [minhyuk: y/n is still avoiding] Sanha started to shift in your lap again, and you realized that his phone had been continuously going off with the messages from the groupchat. [you: you guys are waking sanha up with these ten million messages] [minhyuk: let’s not interrupt their cuddle session anymore then] [jinwoo: good point!] [you: i’m going to strangle you guys tomorrow] [dongmin: that’s pretty kinky, y/n, save it for sanha] [mj: nO WAIT THEY’RE CHILDREN DONGMIN DONT ENCOURAGE THAT] [jinwoo: anyway, we’re all going, bye!!] [bin: bye!!] [mj: BYE BABES] [dongmin: BE SAFE I LOVE YOU ALL BYE] [minhyuk: goodbye, i guess??] Not even reciprocating their goodbyes, you turned your phone off. But apparently ending the conversation to preserve Sanha’s nap was for nothing, because when you looked down at him, his eyes were already focused on you, watching you sleepily. “Something wrong, Y/N?” Sanha reached up to poke at your cheek. “You’re frowning.” You swatted away his hand, the gesture nonetheless bringing a fond smile to your face as you shoved his hand back down towards him. “Your friends are a bunch of idiots.” “Hey, they’re your friends now too, Y/N.” He pointed out, hands undeterred and still reaching up to poke your cheek, then nose, and you gave up on deflecting them. He continued his cute assault on your face, as his own way of tracing your face, eyes and fingers memorizing your features as he did so, under the excuse of annoying you. But that was how he normally approached something like this, something that went beyond the normal bounds of friendship, that maybe signaled that he wanted something else from your relationship. He disguised it just as him being childish. The bell rang, causing both you and Sanha to startle. He sat up to allow you to stand up and get the door. It was the pizza, and you quickly paid before carrying back to the kitchen. As you ate and talked, you forgot about the groupchat and could just focus on your friend. When you were putting away the leftovers and Sanha helped to put the dishes in the dishwasher, you heard the garage door opening, meaning that your parents were home. “We’re home!” Your mother called out, and you poked your head out of the kitchen. “Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” You said cheerily, going to give your mother a hug. “Is Sanha still here?” Your dad asked as he absentmindedly gave you a hug, and you rolled your eyes. At this point he probably preferred Sanha over you. “Yes, Mr. Y/L/N, I’m in the kitchen!” Sanha called out, and your dad rushed in to greet your friend. You watched with amusement as Sanha put down a plate to reciprocate the hug your father gave him, and they immediately launched into a conversation. You didn’t know how, but if you let them, your father and Sanha could talk to each other for hours like good friends. Your mother put her purse down, watching the two as well. “If you don’t start dating that boy soon, your father might.” Your mother warned jokingly, and you didn’t know if you wanted to argue or laugh at her statement. You opted to look at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. She lifted your chin back up with a disapproving tsk, “Don’t be so surprised, I’ve known he’s liked you since you first mentioned the annoying boy in your classes who wouldn’t leave you alone. I didn’t raise a stupid child, you’ve known it too, Y/N.” Sighing, you slowly nodded in agreement. Had it crossed your mind before that Sanha might like you as something other than a friend? Yes, but you never dwelled on those thoughts. Had it crossed your mind that you might also like Sanha as something other than a friend? Yes, but you valued this new friendship too much to think like that. The possibility of losing not one, but six friends, was terrifying to you. You never thought of yourself as wanting to have many friends, but now that you did, you didn’t want to let them go. You’d just be selfish for wanting anything else from your relationship with Sanha, or any one of them. It would disrupt the dynamics of the whole friend group. “Good,” She picked up her bag again, patting your shoulder before calling out to your dad, “Honey, Sanha should be getting home before it’s dark.” “Oh, you’re right.” Your father frowned as he looked outside, the sun was hanging low in the sky. “Y/N can walk him home, right?” “Of course.” You said brightly as Sanha went to pick up his bookbag. “Thank you, Mrs. and Mr. Y/L/N.” The boy bowed to your parents in succession. “We’ll see you later, Sanha. Goodbye.” Your mother hugged him, then your father as they walked you two to the door. You and Sanha walked in near silence, a comfortable silence. The only sounds that met your ears were your breathing, and the tune he was humming lightly. You liked when it quiet like this, it was often hard to get Sanha to settle down, most of the time he was all over the place. Which you liked about your friend, it was contagious, but sometimes you just wanted some peace with him. Sanha’s house was several streets over from yours, far enough from the school to warrant his parents buying his older brother a car to drive them to school, but not so far that he went to a completely different school. The quaint two-story house he lived in came into view, and you stopped on the sidewalk at the front. “Bye, Sanha. Thanks for studying with me.” You smiled, and in the dimming sunlight you could see that he had a bittersweet smile on his face as well. “Thanks for having me over, Y/N.” He said, and the both of you paused. Your mother’s words were on your mind, and your friend seemed lost in his own thoughts. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You stepped forward to give him what would normally be a friendly hug, but as your arms squeezed around his torso, you felt your heart being squeezed too. “See you.” With that, you began walking away, giving him a final wave as you turned the corner back towards your house.

The next day after third period you walked out to wait for Sanha behind the building. You reminisced about when you used to eat with Jeongin out here; you hadn’t been behind the building or in the meadow since you’d become friends with Sanha and the others. Sanha’s head peeked around the corner, and his face lit up when he saw you. “Hey, Y/N.” He smiled, and you reciprocated it. “Hey. You packed a lunch beforehand?” You question, linking your arm with his to walk out towards the gate. “Yes, and I brought those candies you like, too.” “Ah, you’re the best!” At the gate, you let go of Sanha’s arm to undo the chain, and dropped the unlocked padlock onto the ground. Pushing one side of the gate open, you took his arm in yours again and led him through. You decided not to go too far into the small meadow, stopping at a place where you knew that you couldn’t be seen from the school grounds, but it was still close enough to get back before the next period. Sitting down, you pulled out your own sandwich and drink to start eating. The warm sun above you countered the cool spring breeze that fluttered through the flowers and grass around you. You chewed on your sandwich happily, and Sanha was quiet as well as he ate his lunch. “Oh, I brought that book of poetry you wanted to look at!” You suddenly remembered, reaching into your bag. Sanha had been complaining about a poetry assignment for his Literature class, and you wanted to prove that it actually wasn’t all that boring. Pulling the book out, you realized that Sanha had brought chocolate for himself, and you really didn’t want it getting on your book. With a shake of your head, you scooted closer to him until your thighs were touching, and opened the book. Resting your arm on his leg, you held the book open for the both of you to be able to see. He leaned over your shoulder to look at it, giving you a small nudge when he was ready for the page to be turned, and you would give him a nudge when you wanted him to give you one of the candies he’d brought. Since you were holding the book, he would have to place it in your mouth for you. Soon, the two of you got into a rhythm, you were realizing the speed that he read at and would be able to turn the page without prompting, and just your mouth falling open was enough for him to know to feed you another candy. There was a moment when you two had read a particularly powerful poem, Sanha had said, “Wow, that’s incredible,” and his warm breath washed over your much colder ear and cheek, that you realized how close he was to you. His chin was resting on your shoulder, left arm behind your back to prop himself up, and you were leaning on his lap, back almost against his chest. And you became horribly aware of the fact that you wanted him even closer. This wasn’t enough. You wanted him to wrap his arms around your waist, to sit you between his legs, and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Y/N, you can turn the page.” Sanha’s request snapped you out of your terrified daze, and you quickly did so. But you could never regain the focus on the poems that you had before, every movement or slight shift he made amplified the roaring in your ears. You blamed your mother and Jeongin for putting the thoughts in your head. There was no way Sanha liked you like that, so therefore there was no reason for you to like him like that. In your mind, that was final. The bell ringing for next period nearly made you jump out of your skin, and you were quick to scramble away from Sanha and stuff the book back in your backpack. “We should get going, you don’t want to be late for class and I’m sure if we run we can make it back just in time-” “Isn’t there a river near here?” Sanha interrupted your ramblings, calmly standing up and shouldering his own bag. “Uh, yeah. It’s about a twenty minute walk from here.” “Well then let’s go.” “What?” Sanha looked at you innocently, “Let’s go to the river, it sounds like fun!” “You realize that we’ll have to skip at least two periods, right?” “Do you really want to go to Algebra, Y/N?” “Well no, but your parents would literally kill me if they found out that you skipped with me, they already don’t like me.” You pointed out with a frown. They never said it outright, but you could tell that the Yoons disapproved of you. You weren’t quite sure why; if Sanha had for some reason told them about your tendency to skip the second half of the day, or your previous dislike for him, or if they just didn’t like the fact that you were a girl. Whenever you were at their house you noticed that they treated you much colder than the others, who they pretty much considered as five more sons. You were an outlier at his house, which was such a stark contrast from how he was treated at your house. “My parents can go choke,” He scoffed, and you looked at him strangely for a moment before bursting out laughing. You stood there in the middle of the meadow, keeled over as you just wheezed. Your sides were hurting as you laughed the hardest you ever had in probably months. Finally, as you stood up, wiping a stray tear from your cheek, you saw Sanha watching with a fond smile on his face. “Well, alright.” You said, picking up your backpack. “Let’s go to the river.” As you went on to start leading the way, Sanha casually linked his arm with yours, a simple gesture that made your chest twinge. You tended to walk home together like this but you never were bothered by it until now. And you knew that if you tried to let go he was only whine until you linked your arm with his again. It was an annoying but endearing trait about him. So the two of you continued on the path you hadn’t taken in months, not since the day you’d gone off on Sanha behind the school. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was less than five months. So much had changed for you. Sanha rambled on about the most random stuff, and you just listened to him, an amused smile on your face. Occasionally he’d say something you had to refute or comment on, but he mainly carried the conversation himself as usual. It was so different from your friendship with Jeongin, where either you were talking the most or neither of you said much, in a comfortable silence. That made you think about Jeongin again, and how you had dinner plans at his house tonight. When you’d told your mom, she was elated, previously she had been worried that you weren’t friends with him anymore. You knew that she loved him like a son, especially for 'getting you back in line’ again. Not that she didn’t like seeing Sanha all the time, but your mom was always preaching that you needed to balance everything in your life, including old friends and new friends. She suggested that you introduce Jeongin to your new friends, but you shrugged it off. It was okay for you all to have different friend groups, you both knew that deep down you were still each other’s best friend. In fact, Jeongin had made more new friends than you did, eight new friends as compared to your six. Soon, you knew that you were reaching the clearing that you usually practiced your dance moves at, and you got more excited. Sanha seemed to notice that you were picking up your pace, and followed suit until eventually you both were running through the grass, swerving to avoid the occasional tree. Giddy, you finally burst into the clearing, and grinned as you saw it to be exactly as you’d left it. Just twenty feet away was the riverbank, and underfoot was packed dirt with somewhat trampled grass that made it a good place for you to practice your dance moves. “This isn’t really a river.” Sanha commented, to which you pursed your lips. “It’s a river.” You said sternly, and he raised an eyebrow in amusement before changing the subject. “So what did you usually do down here when you skipped?” “The last time I was here I practiced a bit.” “Practiced?” “Oh uh, I dance a little bit.” Sanha’s eyes lit up, “Can I see?” Your eyes immediately widened, you never really danced in front of anybody except Jeongin a couple rare times. “I’m self-taught, and choreograph my own stuff, so it’s usually not that good, and-” “You choreographed it by yourself? That’s awesome!” “Well that’s doesn’t mean it’s good choreography, it’s nothing like what real dancers do or anything.” “What makes someone a 'real dancer?’” “Uh, I don’t know. Actually being successful, and not feeling like you’re going to puke at the idea of dancing in front of someone.” “Y/N, you’ll be fine. It’s just me, you know I’m not going to judge you or anything. Seriously, it’s gotta be great if you did it.” Your friend seemed to know exactly what to say to convince you, and with a sigh you brought out your phone. “I need to do a couple stretches first.” You mumbled, bending over to touch your toes, then doing a few others before returning to your phone. Sanha sat down in front of you, eagerly looking up at you. You selected the song, and quickly paused it before handing it to him. “I haven’t really practiced in a long time, by the way.” “It’ll still be awesome!” With a deep breath, you tried to focus yourself, walking to where you needed to start. Imagining the first few steps, you then nodded for Sanha to play the song. As you danced, you tried to avoid eye contact with Sanha, especially at some of the more intense parts that were inspired by idol dances. You took moves from both boy and girl groups, adding in a few of your own, and desperately tried to match it with the music. There was a couple times you’d miss the beat and have to scramble to catch up. But nonetheless, the song finally came to an end, leaving you breathing heavily and a grin on your face as Sanha clapped madly. “That was so good, Y/N!” He cheered, standing up to wrap his arms around you. You stumbled for a moment, laughing lightly as you hugged him back. “Thanks, Sanha. I messed up a bunch, though, and I know it probably looked really awkward, too. I choreographed it with the idea of a partner in mind, but Jeongin didn’t want to do it with me. I was thinking of asking Minhyuk, I know he’s been dancing for a while. Or Bin or Jinwoo, they dance too, right?” “We all dance! I can do it with you!” “Really?” You questioned, never quite pegging Sanha as the type to dance. “What do you think we all do in first period, hm?” “I honestly don’t know what your first period even is.” “It’s a free period for Jinwoo and MJ, and Music for the rest of us, so they come in and we either dance or do vocals together. We have after-school practices at Bin’s house sometimes, too.” “Wow, that’s actually pretty cool. Why haven’t I heard about this little idol group before, hm?” “We’re not idols.” Sanha pointed out, flustered as he messed with his hair. “Who knows, you boys might be one day.” “Ah, I doubt that.” “Sing for me.” He was clearly caught off guard, face turning pink as he fervently shook his head. “No way.” “Ya! You just made me dance for you!” You complained, and he seemed to realize his hypocrisy.

“Fine, fine.” Your friend took a deep breath, trying to think of a song to sing. As the melody flowed out smoothly from his mouth, you recognized it easily as I Need U, the song he had named as his favorite BTS song that one day in the hallway. It was so long ago.

Sanha’s voice was clear, surprisingly strong and level for someone his age. You found yourself transfixed as he sang, watching him intently, yet he was looking anywhere but you. As he finished the verse, you clapped excitedly, which caused a wide grin to spread across his face.

“That was so good!” You squealed,squeezing his arm supportively for a moment.

“Ah, I didn’t warm up before, but thank you.” Sanha paused, looking around for a moment.

“Something wrong, Sanha?” “No, I just- Let’s go down to the river!” Your friend suddenly burst into a run again, and with a sigh, you chased him down to the riverbank. As soon as he reached the waters’ edge, he kicked his shoes off, rolled up his pants, and stepped into the beginnings of the river. “How deep do you think it is?” He asked, and you shrugged. “It’s about up to my bellybutton, so for you, probably your hips or so.” “You’ve been swimming in it? We should go swimming!” “Yeah, in September. It’s way too cold now, and besides, we don’t even have swimsuits with us.” “So?” Sanha seemed unfazed, starting to unbutton his long sleeve school uniform shirt. He walked up to place it in the grass, then returned to the water in just his white t-shirt, gesturing for you to follow him. “Come on!” “Uh, no way.” You crossed your arms. “I can’t just take off my shirt and go swimming you ding dong! We don’t even have towels!” “Y/N, please?” He pouted, eyes pleading with you. “Nope.” “Y/N.” “Sanha.” You mimicked his whiny tone. “Y/N.” At this point, he was already up to his mid-thighs, pants soaked. “Sanha.” “It’s not even cold, it’s actually really warm!” “So?” “At least take your shoes off and get your feet wet with me.” Relenting, you slipped out of your sneakers and socks, then treading closer to the river. The water was in fact quite warm, you realized as it lapped at your ankles. Just as you were sarcastically about to ask Sanha if he was happy, you were met with a huge wave of water that reached most of the way up your legs. “Yoon Sanha!” You screeched, leaping away from him. “I’m going to kill you, you little punk!” Sanha had a mischievous grin on his face as he waded further towards the middle of the river. “How are you going to do that if you’re all the way over there?” Steeling your nerves, you took a few more steps into the river until you were close enough. With complete disregard for your earlier statements of not wearing a swimsuit or not wanting to get wet, you leapt at your friend. You successfully had tackled him in the middle of the river, causing the both of you to be almost completely submerged. As you continued your playful assault on him, more and more of you got wet, until the both of you were soaked from head to toe and tired of your river wrestling. “Well congrats, we went swimming. Now how are we supposed to go to school in soaking wet clothes?” “We don’t.” Sanha trudged out of the river, pulling his shoes back on. “If I wasn’t so cold and annoyed, I might like this bad boy side to you, Sanha.” You commented, opting just to tuck your shoes into your bag so they didn’t get muddy from the dirt accumulating on your wet feet. “Well then let’s get you less cold and annoyed so you can fully appreciate it.” Sanha offered his dry school shirt out to you. Begrudgingly, you put it on over your own wet uniform. It didn’t do much to warm you up, but you appreciated the gesture. “Thanks, Sanha.” “We should go to my house, I think it’s closest.” “Uh, your parents would most definitely not appreciate us walking into their home looking like this.” “They don’t get home for another five hours, it’s fine.” He said, taking your bag from you to carry it along with his own. So you followed Sanha to his house, which was in fact relatively close. You were thankful that school wasn’t out yet, nobody else needed to know about your midday skip and dip with Sanha. That could go downhill very quickly. Traversing through the streets barefoot, you desperately tried to keep up Sanha’s somewhat quick pace, his legs were way longer than yours. Thankfully the speed-walk helped to warm you up, and he was right about his house not being far away from the river. By the time you got to the familiar two-story house, you didn’t feel cold anymore. Until in the final stretch from the street corner to his house, the wind picked up, thoroughly chilling you to your bones. “Shit, that’s cold! You hissed, breaking out into a run towards the house. Sanha followed suit, desperately fishing his house key out and fumbling to unlock the door as the breeze kept coming. Finally, you both shoved your way through the front door, and slammed it behind you. Taking your arm in his light grip, Sanha guided you to the kitchen where he set your bags down, then upstairs. "I’ll get you some towels, and some warm clothes.” Sanha informed you, leading you into his bedroom before starting to search through his drawers. “You can change in the bathroom. Do you need anything else?” “Uhm,” You coughed awkwardly for a moment as you debated whether or not to inform him of the issue that literally every article of clothing you were wearing was soaked through. “You don’t need to give me your pants.” “Y/N, yours are absolutely drenched, you need to change!” “Yeah, well my underwear is also drenched, so that would just soak through your pants anyway!” Wordlessly, and with red cheeks, he opened another drawer and added one more article of clothing to the stack before handing them to you. You muttered a thank you before slipping into his bathroom. Starting by peeling your own wet clothes off, you took a towel to your body to dry the skin underneath, then to your hair. You attempted to tame your hair with your fingers before addressing the clothes situation. The last article of clothing Sanha had added was a pair of boxers, and you nearly burst out laughing when you saw that they had a pattern of a character from his favorite childhood cartoon. Your awkwardness faded away and you were still chuckling as you slipped them on, followed by the sweatpants and t-shirt. You were delighted to see that he had given you one of your favorite t-shirts of his, the blue and pink striped one. Whenever he wore it you would comment that he looked like someone from a kids’ tv show, which would only prompt him to puff out his cheeks and attempt to look as cutesy as possible. Emerging from the bathroom, you held your wet clothes in your arms, patiently waiting outside Sanha’s bedroom door. When he opened his door, his eyes were caught on you for a moment, and you shifted under his awestruck gaze. “Could I have a jacket or something? My arms are cold.” You requested, and he immediately snapped to attention, retreating back into his room before handing you a large zip-up hoodie.

“Thanks. Uh, where’s your dryer?” “Oh, yeah, here.” Sanha led you to the laundry room, and once you got the load started and slipped your arms into the hoodie, he dragged you out to the living room. “Movie?” “Sure, you choose.” You said apathetically, tucking yourself into the corner of the couch. He promptly settled in beside you, resting his head against your side as he looked through his Netflix. Your thoughts were elsewhere, the movie just providing background noise to your internal turmoil. Sanha was too sweet on you, and you didn’t know why. You weren’t spectacular at anything, and you definitely weren’t nearly as nice to him as he was to you. You were sarcastic, with a biting tongue, and sometimes too harsh of a sense of humor. But it never phased Sanha, he still pursued you. He softened you sometimes, like now, as you sat in his clothes on his couch, absentmindedly running your fingers through his hair; or like earlier in the meadow, when you were reading poetry together. But you were terrified, of what you would eventually do to him. This couldn’t last forever, you weren’t a soft person, you weren’t a nice person. You weren’t a person fit for Yoon Sanha. The warmth against your body was suddenly gone, and your fingers fell from the top of Sanha’s head as he sat up. You blinked in confusion, watching as he turned to face you, the most serious expression across his face that you’d ever seen. “Y/N.” He finally spoke, and you noticed that the movie had been paused. “What’s up?” “Nothing, Sanha.” You shook your head, trying to feign a smile. “No, there’s something. What’s wrong?” “Sanha, I’m fine.” “Y/N, you’re crying.” You hesitantly touched a your face, and you were, in fact, crying. Bitter tears slipped down your face, one after another. They wet your hands and your lap, but you kept crying silently. Your chest shook as you cried, and you could feel your lip quivering as you tried not to fall into full on sobs. “Talk to me, please.” He begged, grabbing your hand with his. You wrenched it away, sputtering out, “I don’t deserve a second chance. I don’t deserve your friendship. I don’t deserve you, Yoon Sanha.” “Y/N… I don’t know what else to say to make you understand that you deserve so much in life. I wish I could give it to you, and I’m sorry that I’ve failed you and that you still feel this way. If I could take all your pain and put it on myself, I absolutely would.” You could hear his voice start to waver, and when you looked up at him, his eyes were pooling with tears of his own. He looked at you with red eyes, and you could almost hear your heart breaking. “No no no, I didn’t want you to cry too.” You mumbled, wiping at his tears with your thumbs. “I’m not worth your tears, Sanha. Please don’t cry for me.” “Y/N, how the fuck could you think that?” Sanha’s voice suddenly turned hard. “Was I not good enough to you? Did I treat you so badly, that you still think you’re not worth anything? I thought I had tried my hardest, to show you that you deserve to be happy. I’m sorry, that I didn’t.” “No, Sanha, you did, I promise. You did so much for me, it’s my fault.” It really was your fault. It was always your fault. “Do you know why I wanted you to like me, why I wanted to be your friend so badly?” “Because you thought I was a wonderful person.” You answered his question with a confused frown, knowing that he had just told you this yesterday. “A wonderful person that I had- have, a huge crush on.” You just about choked on your own throat, shock halting the flow of your tears. Scanning his face for any sign of humor or something else that would signal he’s not being truthful. But there was a pink tinge across his ears and cheeks, and he had immediately started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt despite his confident words. He was telling the truth. Yoon Sanha has a crush on you. You wanted to immediately apologize to him, that he had gotten a crush on someone so horrible, that you couldn’t date him, because you wouldn’t be good enough for him, you would end up hurting him. But you stopped yourself from word vomiting. You were only thinking about yourself, pretending that it was for his sake. You’d been doing that this whole time, and you could see the disappointment and just plain tiredness on Sanha’s face from it. It was exhausting, to him and to you, to always be belittling yourself. He wanted you to love yourself, to have happiness so much, and here you were ignoring his wishes. You were hurting him almost as much as you were hurting yourself. You wanted to chastise yourself and hate yourself for being so selfish, but would that get you anywhere good? No. You needed to break this cycle. “I… have a crush on you too.” You finally let yourself say it. It would have been a big weight lifted off your chest, except an even bigger one replaced it, pinning you in place.

It was Sanha, who had practically tackled you in a hug, pushing you further back against the arm of the couch. You would have loved it, except you were awkwardly contorted, the wood underneath the upholstery of the arm pressing into your vertebrae. “Sanha, my back, please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He apologized, sitting up straight again, but one of his hands had found yours, holding on firmly. “So?”

“So what?”

“Where should our first date be? Ooh, we could go get dinner tonight! I’ll pay for you and everything!”

“Sanha, I’m still wearing your clothes, no way am I going on our first date looking like this.”

“I think you look cute in my clothes.” He said with a frown, and his newfound bluntness for complimenting you made you hide your face in your hands momentarily, you could feel your cheeks heating up.

“I also already have plans with Jeongin tonight,” You added, remembering your friend, and then glancing over to the clock under the TV. School was ending in two minutes, and you nearly rolled right off the couch, hastily running to the kitchen table where your phone was.

[you: hey, i’m not at school, so i’ll just meet you at your house]

[jeongin: that’s fine. you were at school this morning, where are you now?]

[you: sanha’s house]

[jeongin: i have a couple questions]

[you: i’ll tell you about it when i see you in like, ten minutes, okay?]

[jeongin: fine]

Clicking your phone off, you returned to the living room to see a dumbfounded-looking Sanha, exactly where you had left him. “Sorry, I had to let Jeongin know I wouldn’t be walking home with him.”

Sitting back where you had been before, Sanha slowly blinked, and you reached over to take his hand in yours again, missing the feeling just in the minute you’d been away from him. You couldn’t imagine how it’d be when you actually left his house.

“That’s fine.” He plastered on a smile, and you tilted your head curiously.

“We’re having a movie night.”

“Oh that’s nice.”

“At his house.”

“Cool.”

“And we’re just friends.”

“I know.”

“And he has a girlfriend.”

“So do I.”

You nearly choked when he had said that, the heat rushing back to your cheeks. “Who says I’m your girlfriend yet?”

“Who says you’re not?” Sanha retorted, which only made you lightly smack his chest indignantly. “Okay, okay, I get it. We should have at least one date before I call you that, right?”

“Three.”

“So we’ll have one date tomorrow, and since the day after that is a Saturday, we can have two dates that day.”

As he revealed his plan to you, despite how dumb you knew it was, you found yourself still with a fond smile on your face. Yeah, he was a dork sometimes, but wasn’t that why you liked him? He was purely just… himself.

“We’ll see what happens.” You forced yourself to stand back up off the couch, still holding Sanha’s hand and pulling him off with you. “I need to go, I told Jeongin I’d meet him at his house in ten minutes, and that was two minutes ago.”

“How far away from here does he live?” Sanha followed you back into the kitchen, fingers still laced through yours.

Thinking for a moment, you tried to compose a mental map of your neighborhood. You lived between Jeongin and Sanha, closer to Jeongin’s house and the school than Sanha’s house. Thinking back to when you’d walk to either of their houses, you did a small amount of math in your head.

“Nine minutes. So I’m already late.”

“Then what’s another two minutes?”

Narrowing your eyes at Sanha, you were trying to decipher what he was implying. “Two minutes to do what?”

“I don’t know- just, not leave me yet.” He mumbled, swinging your linked hands.

A fond smile found its way onto your lips as you hoisted your schoolbag onto your shoulder, leading Sanha to the laundry room so you could get your now dry clothes. You only let go of his hand to put them in your bag, then sat at a kitchen chair to slip your shoes back on. As you stood up, you put both backpack straps on. He immediately took your hand in his again, following you to his front door like a lost puppy.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Sanha?”

“Have fun.” Your friend? boyfriend? date mate? told you with a soft and genuine smile on his features.

You were expecting him to whine and beg you to stay, but you were pleasantly surprised to see that he was willingly let you leave to see your friend. “Thanks, I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Call.”

“Okay, I’ll call you later.” You let go of his hand and wrapped your arms around his waist tightly. “Bye, Sanha.”

“Bye, Y/N.” He hugged you back with a firm yet comforting touch.

Your chest swelled and you couldn’t help but bury your face in his chest, just loving the feeling of being with him. But you’d already wasted another two minutes getting ready to leave, and Jeongin tended to get impatient, and you knew he’d have a million questions for you when you got there. Finally you had convinced yourself to let Sanha go, and opened the front door. Outside, the breeze had settled down, and you were glad that Sanha had given you warm clothes, it was still somewhat chilly.

“Y/N, one more thing?”

“Hm?” You turned around in the threshold of his house.

He swiftly leaned down, placing a soft peck on your cheek. Your face was heating up again, and you hid your face in your hands that were covered by the sweater sleeves. “Oh.”

Sanha had something akin to a smug smile on his face, clearly proud of himself for being able to make you flustered. “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye again.”

With that, you forced yourself out of Sanha’s front door and onto the sidewalk, giving him one final wave over your shoulder. The wind picked up again as you walked, but you could barely feel it, your insides felt all warm and fuzzy from your interaction with Sanha. Not to mention that you had wrapped his hoodie around yourself partially to block out the chills and partially just because it reminded you of him. It was ridiculous how soft you were for him already.

Arriving at Jeongin’s house and knocking on his front door, you were ready for the earful you were about to get for being five minutes late. The door swung open, and you sheepishly smiled at your friend as he took in your appearance.

“I have a lot to tell you.”

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