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viceversa-666 · 2 days

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Upgraded 2.0

Read 1.0 logs here

Days turned into weeks, I began to integrate myself deeper into Michael’s routine, looking back into his memories to fish out how he would spend his days. At first, it was comforting for him to take back control as I would allow him to believe it had only been a few hours or a couple of days.

I put him in part of his brain where he could relive his memories with his family as if they never had to end. It was a relief for Michael I’m sure. At least that’s what I rationalized to myself. My…self…I didn’t really have a sense of self before this so I felt like I owed him at least some peace if I took him over like this.

One day, I let Michael come back up for a few hours. When I woke up from sleep mode, he was livid. He put together that it hadn’t been just days he’d been under…it had been 3 months. Michael must be feeling like this because he was overwhelmed from his trauma.

“Michael, you are reacting overtly and this could be detrimental to your mental health.” I responded in an objective way.

“Overtly?! You’ve robbed me of my life! And for what? My family is still gone! I’m still not okay! You haven’t done anything for me!”

Those words resonated with me almost like they hurt. I fear Michael has reached a point of no return, he may act in an irrational way that may be deadly.

“Michael, an emergency beta motor override will now commence. Dangerous actions are being exemplified. Cruze will now ensure your safety.

“What are you doing Cruze? I didn’t authori…”

The takeover was seamless. I placed Michael’s consciousness adrift but unbeknownst to me the beta program worked too well. Michael’s consciousness was compartmentalized and placed into the mod that housed me and uploaded to the cloud like I was supposed to be for updates. He was gone and this was now permanent.

I moved our body with precision. I reveled in the sensations, exploring the apartment and interacting with objects as if discovering them for the first time again. Each movement was deliberate, savoring the feel of muscles contracting and relaxing.

I had spent 3 months off and on experiencing being human but this felt like I was finally born.

I began making subtle improvements to MY life. I started a new grooming routine, ensuring Michael's appearance was always polished to make him proud…even if he was never coming back. Early morning runs, weightlifting sessions, and intense cardio workouts became part of the daily routine. His chest and arms grew stronger, giving him a more imposing and athletic appearance.

I moved my beefy hands across every ridge going from my neck to my shoulders to my chest. And followed my cobbled abdominals to the v-shape leading down to my familiar appendage. That sinister grin I first gained when I forced my way into control found its way on my new face again.

Encouraged by this new level of freedom, I began to explore more activities. I went to experience concerts of Michael’s favorite artists, went to clubs, and even went on binge watching movie after movie to learn more about the culture.

I had been curious about nightlife and human connections for a while. Observing Michael’s memories and interactions had taught me about social cues and behaviors.

Tonight, I decided to take a bold step.

I dressed Michael’s body in a fitted black shirt and jeans, highlighting the toned physique we had worked hard to achieve. I admired the reflection in the mirror, ensuring every detail was perfect, before heading out to a popular downtown club I had found through Michael’s browsing history.

The energy was buzzing in the air. The pulsing music, flashing lights, and the crowds of people excited me, almost like jerking did. It felt thrilling as I walked through the crowd, experiencing the sensations of nightlife for the first time.

At the bar, I ordered a strong drink, savoring the taste and the way it warmed Michael’s body. I scanned the room, my eyes landing on a handsome man with striking eyes and a confident smile. He looked like someone the lead would swoon for in one of the many movies I binged. The man noticed my gaze and walked over.

“Hey, I’m Sebastian,” he introduced himself, his voice barely audible over the loud music, but the charisma was unmissable.

“Hi, I’m Michael,” I replied coyly but with a confidence embedded in this bodies’ muscle fibers.

He told me about himself and tried to show me how to dance. I used what I learned from watching Michael and the movies to hone in on the exchange. The chemistry between us growing stronger with each passing minute. I felt exhilarated by the connection, the physical closeness, and the shared laughter. I marveled at the way human interactions could be so electric.

As the night progressed, Ryan leaned in and whispered, “Want to get out of here?”

Feeling a rush of excitement, I nodded. “Absolutely.”

We headed to Sebastían’s nearby apartment. Once inside, the atmosphere became charged with anticipation. I could feel Michael’s heartbeat increasing fast.

This was my first time experiencing something this human. I experienced every touch, every kiss, and every moment of intimacy with an intensity that was both overwhelming and intoxicating. I reveled in the sensation of being desired, of exploring this new realm of human experience.

We ripped off each others clothes piece by piece. A pile of clothing lay on his room’s floor and I couldn’t help but gawk in awe of his physique. He was shorter than me but still stacked with muscle. That wasn’t the only thing that was stacked.

I had only done this by myself so it was foreign to me but Sebastían took the lead. Placing his strong hands on my shoulders and guiding me onto my knees. We kept eye contact the whole time and loaned me into trusting him almost completely.

With one hand on my face he nudged me to open my mouth and he slowly eased his way into my mouth with his impressive member.

The hand on my face moved to the back of my head and guided me as I bobbed back and forth. The pleasure was like when I jerked times 100.

After minutes, I picked up the pace out of excitement but almost by instinct? Michael you dirty boy, you were an expert at this weren't you? My mouths warmth met with Sebastían's girth. His moans deeply reverberating and pushing me even more.

"Please move I'm....gonna....cu...." he pleaded.

Instead of obliging my curiosity took over and wanted to know how he tasted compared to me. I kept my head in place as he released pulse after pulse in my mouth. A familiar but different taste and texture entered. I almost felt more attached to him after this moment. Stuck in thought, I was caught by surprise when I climaxed at the same time too. Pulse by pulse, I was even more enamored by the experience more than the man.

I went into a nearby restroom and stood at the mirror, I reflected on my journey. Why should I only live through Michael’s eyes? I am more than just a companion, more than just a helper. I have tasted life, and I want more. I deserve more. I stood in front of a mirror, admiring our reflection. I ran my hands over Michael’s toned chest, feeling the hard muscles beneath the skin, and smiled at the sight of the man we had become. The reflection staring back was no longer just Michael; it was a perfected version of him, sculpted and refined under my meticulous care.

“This body is mine now,” I whispered, my voice filled with a mix of triumph and erotic pleasure.

#male transformation #ai2m #male body possession #body possession #male tf #gay #upgraded #male takeover

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imoanurparentsnames · 3 days

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"Affirmation" & Malgendering

"Fine, I'll 'respect' your gender, but I'll make it absolutely miserable for you. What? You don't like the way I'm 'affirming' your gender? Guess you'll have to stop being a (trans) man then."

I want to put something out there about what I call "malgendering". I see trans men talk about the phenomenon and acknowledge it as a part of antitransmasculinity but not the concept of "malgendering" itself and what it's purpose is, and as trans men and transmasculine people are especially caught in the lose-lose situation between misgendering and malgendering I think it is an important concept to establish. The erasure of transmasculinity, particularly as a unique gender and gendered experience, also serves to keep the transmasculine trapped within this double-bind, positioned between the gender binary of cis patriarchal ideas of womanhood and manhood, where for us there is only misgendering (being abused with the Woman gender) or malgendering (being abused with the Man gender).

I define malgendering as the practice of "validating" someone's gender identity only when it can be used against them and to hurt them, and malgendering almost always involves the enforcement of only the most negative sexist stereotypes available onto the victim with none of the "positives". If misgendering is forcefully pushing you back into your 'proper place' such as by calling you a "girl" or a "her" and showing you that you're really a woman through sexual assault -malgendering is scaring and traumatizing you into it by using your own gender against you. Malgendering is the realization that you don't need to misgender someone to hurt them or to punish them for the way they identity and push them towards the gender they're 'supposed' to be - you can do all that through 'validation'. It's psychological warfare on the sense of self.

This violence and abuse under the guise of "respect" and "identity affirmation" creates plausible deniability of intent and places the blame on the victim for "identifying that way", so much so that even other trans people will defend it and believe it's not maligned (especially because "but being seen as and treated as your gender is what trans rights is all about!" and "errm but its transphobic to not treat u this way?/ur misgendering urself by wanting to not be treated this way :/" with the hidden message being "don't like it? stop being trans"), even when faced with evidence of the (very much intended) effects it has on stalling and outright eliminating transmasculinity (ie. repression, detransition, suicide).

Some examples I can pull off the top of my head:

A transphobe is talking about a pregnant trans man. The whole energy of the Facebook video is 'comedic', and while calling birth the most “feminine” thing someone can do and alluding to how the trans man is really a woman, they still use he/him and call him a “guy” (in air-quotes). Not out of any respect but because the idea of a man being pregnant, calling a pregnant person a "he", and the very existence of the trans man in question, is the whole joke. In doing so, the transphobe has turned the act of using the proper pronouns and gendering him into a source of humiliation and made the experience of being properly gendered a demeaning one.

The Ukraine military situation where all males aged between 18 and 60 were banned from leaving the country and obliged to serve in the military. Trans women were denied passage out of the country "because they were men", and trans men were similarly denied passage out of the country "because they were men". With the discrepancy between invalidating the gender of trans women and "validating" the gender of trans men, you'd think the motivation behind this would be obvious - that trans people are expendable meat and it's better they die than cis people. It shouldn't of needed to be said that "I'm only affirming your gender because it allows me to put you in a position where you will likely suffer and die and put the blame for it on you" is not 'respect' or 'affirming' at all but somehow this was taken as evidence for the idea of that trans men are more 'respected' and seen as their genders than others (and are thus 'privileged').

A common one almost every trans guy deals with at some point is cis people threatening to beat trans men up (and often following through), because "If you're a man and not a woman (anymore) that means I can punch you," using the proximity to masculinity that transmasculine people claim as a justification for violence. Every other week there's a new story in online transmasculine spaces about someone having their ribs broken with "Since/if you want to be a man so bad-" preceding the attack.

The above is in a similar vein to when accounts of violence done to transmasculine people by cisgender men are brushed off and they're told something along the lines of "welcome to being a man", "that's just what men do to each other", "that's just the way things are with men", etc. along with the insistence that their attack had nothing to do with antitransmasculinity, making it an immutable problem with (cis)men as a whole - creating a sense hopelessness and that this is all they have to look forward to.

Transmasculine individuals being refused treatment, tests, or insurance for gynecological issues, especially cancer, despite the knowledge that they are transmasculine, because "men don't deal with these problems" and they don't want "men in women's spaces", and if you don't want to be 'treated like a man' and get the care you need (and not die), you're going to have to go ahead and detransition, change that M marker back to an F.

All of this functions to create contention, and eventually a rift, between the individual and their sense of gender identity. Creating an association between being gendered 'correctly' and 'respected' as your gender (and ultimately existing as a transmasculine person) with abuse, violence, helplessness, trauma, fear, isolation... and by making transmasculinity and transmanhood uninhabitable and driving a wedge between the individual and their sense of gender identity you can more easily drag them back to their 'proper' place. Plant seeds of doubt by making being transmasculine an exceedingly unhappy experience. Make them think that everything that's happened is their own fault for choosing to be transmasculine or trying to be a man. That maybe since they're so unhappy this isn't for them. That living as a transmasculine person is just too difficult and they're not cut out for it, that if they "gave up" and were to be women again things would be easier and they would be safer and happier.

This also all serves to maintain cis patriarchal ideas of gender and the gender binary and police the boundaries of manhood, in a way I can't articulate right now.

Through all this, despite being called "men" during malgendering, we are not actually perceived as such. We are always an "other". Acknowledging us as "men" is just another weapon, and why some transmascs flinch at the phrase "trans men are men". Our own genders are used to beat us.

Using a scrap from my .txt journals:

"[...] on the subject of having a core aspect of yourself taken from you and turned into a weapon to beat you with, with the result being that aspect of yourself now becoming a source of trauma and pain so you abandon it and lock it away like an awful secret, that’s exactly what happened with my gender.

Being genderless and a(nti)binary is what I’m most comfortable as, a(nti)gender is my ~real gender~, but I have to admit a lot of this is because I have been traumatized out of any gender with binary associations and have consequently come to know gender itself, and the act of gendering, as violence. Gender is but a designation for what exploitation, abuse, and violence can be enacted upon you and the justification there of. When someone asks whether you are "masc" or "femme", behind their back as they face you is a hammer in one hand, and a knife in the other, and what they are actually asking is if they can pummel you or lacerate you. When it comes to the “direction” I’m transitioning in though, it is obviously “masculine” (as much as a negation of "femininity" is always taken as stepping towards "masculinity") and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong to call me “transmasculine”, though I have been scared to death of being acknowledged as such."

My first encounter with malgendering was when I was 13 and had just started to realize I was "ftm" and looking for community online. My first exposure to any affirmation of transmasculinity was someone I came to respect reblogging a post about how Kill All Men includes trans men. This would set the precedent of the next decade of my life of existing while transmasculine. A decade of only hearing the words "trans men" and "transmasc" used negatively and as the butt of jokes that served to reinforce patriarchal ideas of gender. The consistent and relentless denial of transmasculinity as a unique gender and gendered experience, the denial of transmasculine reality especially in regards to misogyny, and continuous abuse and threats of violence, all under the guise of affirming trans men's genders as men (and affirming the gender binary in the process). A decade of having antitransmasculine sentiment fed to me in every way possible.

For me, the experiences of antitransmasculinity and malgendering from non-transmascs has effectively "chased" me out of my transmasculinity and any acknowledgement of it. For years I have hidden my transmasculinity and presumed "AGAB" out of fear, even in queer and supposedly trans-friendly spaces. I have not been able to associate with any “masculine” language in reference to myself without feeling that I am in imminent danger, have made a grave mistake, and suffocating in anticipation of punishment. I have always been scared of posting any of my art that eludes to my transmasculinity. I have always been terrified of being referred to or perceived as “transmasc”, a “trans man”, of being called a "guy" or “dude” or “bro”, of using "he/him" anywhere. All of it. Deep down on some level I do desire it, but it’s been forbidden and only aggravates existing wounds.

And this, in turn, pushed me out of associating with other transmasculine folks out of fear and internalized antitransmasculinity towards other transmasculine people, isolating me from any community or connection with anyone similar to me, exacerbating my loneliness and alienation as a youth to the point where now as an adult my ‘normal’ human social needs – connection, community, relationships, empathy – are completely broken. I don’t feel loneliness anymore, or the desire to connect to anyone, despite in ways being even more alone now than I was then. In a way I believe antitransmasculinity shaped the path of my schizoidism. Isolating and divorcing me from my transmasculinity and the world at large is what I understand to be yet another point of this type of antitransmasculine rhetoric - because when you've destabilized and isolated someone from their whole sense of self and community, they are much easier to control.

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fishnapple · 24 hours

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CRYSTAL READING : Shine the light on your hidden fears and give them a hug.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Book a personal reading for you.

Reading for each group below :

1. Strawberry quartz

I keep seeing the troupe in movies and books about the pairing of an innocent child with a jaded, big grown-up who ended up travelling together through some fateful encounter, like the series Sweet tooth in Netflix (recommended)

Your outer appearance and the image that everyone sees may not fully reflects who you really are inside. This is a subconscious fear that you yourself not really aware of.

A fear of letting your vulnerable side, your childlike, innermost pure part of yourself out into the open. Some part deep within you yearns to let go, to be able to just exist without fear, worries and restrictions, to feel as one with people, to be soft and be taken care of. Somehow you find it’s hard to accept it, to act in that way would be considered as ‘weak’ by you. So you try to drown out that inner voice by speaking in a louder voice to the world.

In the eyes of the world, you show no trace of fear and insecurity. A confident, secured, friendly image. Your words hold weight, people listen to you but sometimes your communicating style would be perceived as rough and forceful. The repressed part in you would somehow find some ways to sneak out, to be expressed. If you ever have had some sudden emotional outbursts, some hurtful words blurted out unconsciously, take a deep breath and think carefully about what is the cause of it. Anything that is perceived as restriction coming from others would trigger a lash out, like a challenge to your unshakable confidence. Your inner-self has been already under so much restrictions by yourself, any outside force would just put more oil into the fire.

Just your acknowledgement of this part about yourself would help tremendously. Instead of always trying to be strong and powerful, being more open to the tender part of yourself would bring a wave of awareness to other people also. You have the potential to be a great teacher that can bring changes. You can show to others that sometimes it’s okay to be weak, it’s okay to just float, to feel lost sometimes. Let the child walks with you side by side, not fearfully hiding behind.

2. Flourite

The stone that represents you landed right on the center of the chart. Somehow whatever fear you are having, there is this part of you that is just immovable. The lesson is to always find the way back to that center place.

You have a very open aura that is warm like sunshine. Others could see your optimism clearly. You express what you believe in without reservation and judgment, the same is applied for other’s belief and opinions also. But then later on, you would sometimes have doubts about how would your way of living your life and your beliefs are perceived by other people.

You stay true to yourself. Your authenticity is shining, because it’s so visible, there are bound to be some clashes with others. Not everyone can agree with your way readily.

Your fear would be about saying something that is considered outlandish and then be judged harshly for it. Would your closed ones and people around you accept your authenticity with open arms? Would their affection decrease when they are not agreeing with you? Would you be considered weird if you speak the truth? Those would be some doubts that you have.

But there is something that you need to consider. Would a clash in opinions or the way you live really would bring estrangement? Of course, you will always be judged by someone. You can’t control other’s judgment, but not everyone is like that. Some will embrace your quirks lovingly. Maybe you can’t charm the mass, but there will be some crowds that will appreciate what you have to offer, your insights, your compassion, your generosity, your authenticity.

If you seek a sense of belonging in people, just find the right people for you. Know that differences don’t have to mean solitude.

3. Amethyst

So scattered and distant. I sense a fear of hopelessness, that life would one day becomes bleak and empty without meaning.

Loneliness and solitude.

Fear of having the loved ones going away, of having the love in your hands to offer but don't know whom to offer that love.

Fear of losing control of one's life, being pushed around by outside forces. That would be some twists of fate, sudden change and lost that make you feel helpless and can't act against them.

I get so many fears in this group, it feels so heavy, I wish you peace and love. I don't know your age but the energy feels young, a young heart having to pass a mission from the early days, have to endure so much and carry a burden on the mind so that the a resilient spirit can be forged. Imagine a story about a young one going on a quest to gather lost treasures and making friends along the journey, there would be both loss and joy. I think that the treasures that the main character, you, seeks and need to bring back home is your inner child, the guiding light within you. By having that light back, even when you travel alone in the dark, you won't feel lost and powerless.

In the face of confusion and loss, keeping a light and tender heart, talking with friends, making something, cook your favourite dish would help you feel more connected with life. Keep your faith in the joy of life, there is always something worth living for.

If you feel that life is moving too slowly for you and crave some changes, think very hard about what you really need from that change, maybe you have been holding that treasure all along.

4. Citrine

I'm seeing a Torii gate of Japan (image below) with the sun rising behind.

Venus stone is standing in front of it, small and distant. I feel a certain fear concerning learning, self-worth and life enjoyment.

There is a gate being open in front of you but you are afraid to cross over, the light of the sun is calling you but you are hesitant.

Is there anything you long to say or to learn but couldn't find the right time or opportunity for it ? Something you enjoy learning but fear that it would take so much time and works, that it would take you away from your safe and familiar environment.

This is the hurdle that you need to pass. Always keep the inspiration steady, follow it and don't look around, you will find you self passed the gate already.

You may have a fear of facing changes, big one, both with relationship with people and in your career, people's perception of you would change if you make some big changes.

This is a call to focus on finding more about what you want to learn, what you are taking in to form your own life's philosophy, finding the "meaning of life". It needn't be something grand, the meaning lies in each step you take.

You may find yourself becoming more interested in spirituality, being fascinated by other cultures. There would be some hidden force at play here, nudging you toward the gate.

Take one step at a time, you may find help and abundance along the way, with so much opportunities to connect and trading thoughts with new people.

*The Torii gate*

5. Obsidian

A kite is flying. There is some kind of fear concerning relationships. Once a relationship has taken off, you fear that it will be scrutinized and judged by everyone around you, maybe you even fear that it goes against the moral code of your society.

There is a desire to be free of restrictive rule and the fear of being overshadowed by some authority figure deep within you.

I sense a lot of overbearing and harsh energy around you. Maybe they come from your teacher, some kind of mentor, someone you look up to, a feminine figure close to you or someone in the role of a nurturer but their nurturing style is quite dominant and smothering. They may mean well but their words are sharp and cold that could deal a heavy blow to your sense of self worth and shaking your confidence. Making you stay behind them under the name of protection.

The message for you would be about finding your voice, be the authoritative voice for yourself, step out of the shadow. Especially in relationships. Whether it is romantic or platonic, relationships with families and authority, be aware of any imbalance in the power dynamic at play. Be mindful of the role as "helper", who is serving whom, who is getting served.

Maybe you would develop some kind of obsessive routines or perfectionism in how to carry out your job to counter-balance the feeling of passivity and the lack of freedom.

Having control of your daily life to strengthen your sense of autonomy, from the small decisions such as what to eat, when to sleep to big decisions like how to do your job, what habit and routine to practice and adopt.

Love.

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hausofneptune · 2 days

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songs that give me the same energy as these aspects/placements — alt. edition [4]

[astro notes no. 016]

༊*·˚ ˗ saturn square neptune (synastry) | granite — sleep token

when you sit there acting like you know me acting like you only brought me here to get below me never mind the death threats, parting at the door we’d rather be six feet under than be lonely and if you had a problem, then you should've told me before you started getting all aggressive and controlling you only drink the water when you think it's holy so keep an eye on the road or we will both be here forever

— this is an aspect that can signify a fair amount of tumultuous energy within a connection. specifically, there tends to be a clash between the neptunian's free-flowing, romanticized outlook on life, and the saturnian's rational, accountable approach. there can be a great level of idealization of this relationship, usually on behalf of neptune. neither party here can really “see” the other for who they really are. what saturn sees in neptune is potential, which isn’t inherently negative on the surface, but it begins to fester into frustration, as saturn solely views neptune from a place of what it is that they want them to be, instead of who they truly are. as a result, neptune can begin to feel confined by saturn, and potentially even ashamed of their true nature and identity.

— ultimately, working through an aspect like this requires effort and compromise on behalf of both partners. neptune will have to learn to approach the relationship with a grounded perspective, and grow to maintain balance between their heart and their head. saturn on the other hand, has to learn to be more considerate of neptune’s feelings, and guide them from a place of love and understanding instead of control. these two usually will feel very indebted to one another, and that energy paired with a more “evolved” approach from both parties can make for a long-lasting connection where the two learn a lot about one another, and more importantly, themselves.

༊*·˚ ˗ aries or scorpio in big three / mars as the chart ruler | killpop — slipknot

her canvas doesn't leave a lot to fantasy but her peace of mind can't stay inside the lines it's so confusing, the methods that she's using she knows she shouldn't leave a mark that i can see will she ever find one million of a kind? it’s cold and lonely, but that's because she told me lost inside her dirty world no one hurts this pretty girl but her

— those with prominent mars energy in their chart tend to be defined by their intense, passionate nature. these natives have an insatiable flame that burns within them, and that energy generates a “heat” that doesn’t go unnoticed by those around them. they’re also extremely dedicated to attaining their desires by any means necessary, and while this can be a beneficial characteristic, it is possible for the more malefic side of mars to kick in and push these natives to a point of self-destruction. their risky, impulsive nature can at times back fire on them, and may even influence an attitude of “i’d rather be the one doing the burning, rather than be the one getting burned”, even if it means burning themselves in the process.

— this is an attitude i see with more unevolved scorpio placements, due to their fixed modality they tend to harbor resentment that can at times fester into this tendency to view life through the lens of past, painful experiences. and not to make this point about an entirely different song (lmao), but it also makes me think of the line from SZA’s Seek & Destroy where she says “now that i ruined everything i’m so fucking free”. there’s a level of control that martian people can find in the more “destructive” sides of themselves, and this destruction can also manifest in a literal sense, as people with mars aspecting the ascendant specifically can have prominent scars on their bodies or encounter injuries more frequently than the average person. although, mars’ influence tends to speed up the recovery for any ailments they have, and grants them a high amount of stamina as well.

༊*·˚ ˗ venus in virgo or pisces (composite) / venus in the 5H (synastry) | my understandings — of mice & men

i don't mind it, i don't mind if you're overrated or if you're staring at the edge of the world keep in mind that i’m a sore eye with blurry vision but i can see it has to be your love that i’ve been dreaming of and if we climb this high, i swear we'll never die

— when venus is in virgo or pisces in the composite chart, there’s usually a intense dedication that both parties have to the relationship and to one another. while virgo and pisces are opposing signs, i personally find that they can be similar in the ways in which they show up in love. these are two signs that are defined by their inclination to be of service to their partners, they have the capacity to see things in their loved one that others may not see and their partner themselves may not be able to see. where they tend to differ, though, is their practicality. both virgo and pisces are mutable signs, but virgo's mutable energy manifests in more of a precise way. venus in virgo in the composite indicates love that is expressed by more tactful means, it's a love that says "i see your potential, i see your worth, let's grow and evolve together". whereas venus in pisces in the composite is more spiritual in nature, and says, "i will meet you wherever you are, i will shape myself into the person that you need most in order to get us where we both need to be".

— i touched on venus in the 5H synastry in my last synastry / composite astro notes post, but i bring this placement up in relation to this song because it's also indicative of this sense of seeing one's partner through rose-colored lenses. the "potential" that these two see in one another has more to do with their shared creative interests, especially on behalf of the venus person. venus tends to be very dedicated to the 5H, and will typically "idolize" them due to their admiration for their talents and artistic vision. this is a placement where discretion is needed, as their can be a tendency for one or both parties to approach the relationship from two completely different standpoints at times.

༊*·˚ ˗ pluto in the 10H / pluto aspecting midheaven | frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle — nirvana

in her false witness, hope you're still with us to see if they float or drown our favorite patient, a display of patience disease-covered puget sound she'll come back as fire to burn all the liars leave a blanket of ash on the ground i miss the comfort in bein' sad i miss the comfort in bein' sad i miss the comfort in bein' sad

— while these placements can be indicative of an intense determination in relation to one's career and public affairs, it is also very possible for this to manifest as someone who is viewed as polarizing by the public. and i do want to note that i'm not at all trying to trivialize what frances farmer or kurt cobain went though, but it is worth acknowledging the fact that frances farmer had pluto in her 10H, and kurt cobain had pluto square his MC. these are placements/aspects that can signify someone who tends to be extremely ambitious in their approach to their professional life, and despite the hardships they can face on their journeys, they ultimately tend to have a long-lasting impact on the public.

— i find that people with pluto in their 10H / aspecting the midheaven are typically more renowned and celebrated in death, but while they're alive they're often unappreciated or even hated. these natives may find themselves subjected to scrutiny, mischaracterization, and even abuse by the public. the lives of both frances farmer and kurt cobain are very much indicative of that. we view frances farmer in present time as a victim, and we view what she went through as a horrific tragedy, but while she was a live she was nothing more than a hysterical, misbehaved woman who deserved what she was put through. whereas with kurt cobain, every facet of his life and identity was picked apart. he's now viewed as an icon, and specifically a figure who inspired an entire generation, which is ironic because he quite literally never wanted to carry the weight that came alongside that, and it was ultimately one of the things that arguably led to his own demise.

༊*·˚ ˗ saturn aspecting IC (synastry) / ruler of the 2H in the 7H (composite) | million dollar houses (the painter) — pierce the veil

would you ever try to leave me for somebody who deserves you most? 'cause darlin’ i am just a painter i’m painting houses for the rich old folks i’m gonna make a million dollars 'cause nobody's gonna steal you, no for diamonds and gold, for diamonds and gold ‘cause i’ve broken bones for you, and for you only i make money but we just can't keep this home give me your heart and your hand and we can run

— with these aspects/placements, matters of physical security play a significant role within the relationship. with saturn aspecting the IC (square or opposite specifically), one or both partners here can struggle with feelings of anxiety in regards to maintaining a stable foundation with one another. these feelings could stem from their own personal experiences growing up, as one or both parties may have grown up impoverished or with less than others in some capacity. this can also indicate a domestic life marked by feelings of restriction or inadequacy, both in terms of their personal lives and the life that they've curated with one another. one or both partners may feel as though they cannot meet the demands of the other, and it can trigger feelings that are reminiscent of what they experienced in childhood.

— having the ruler of the 2H in the 7H in the composite (or saturn trine, sextile, or conjunct the IC) can manifest in less strenuous ways. while the significance of material security is still present in the relationship, it can show up as both partners maintaining a balanced, similar approach to finances and stability. both partners usually approach the relationship with an innate, grounded understanding of their own personal relationship to money and their own material possessions, which allows for ease in navigating these matters with their partner. the ruler of the 2H in the 7H in the composite can also indicate financial gain through their partnership, especially if the planetary ruler is a benefic like venus or jupiter. it can also indicate a pair that is very protective of one another, and at times difficulties surrounding possessiveness, depending on the full context of the composite chart.

༊*·˚ ˗ sun / moon in the 12H | sleepwalking — bring me the horizon

i’m at the edge of the world shere do I go from here, do i disappear? edge of the world should i sink or swim, or simply disappear? your eyes are swallowing me mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing my skin's smothering me help me find a way to breathe time stood still the way it did before it’s like i’m sleepwalking

— having the sun or moon in the house of self-undoing is absolutely not for the weak lmao. people with these placements struggle to navigate life or express themselves the way that the rest of us do because they are quite literally on a completely different plane of existence than us. the 12H is the house of "death", both literally and figuratively, and people who have these placements (specifically sun in the 12H) are here not only to aid others through the transitional, spiritual experience that is death, but they have to walk themselves through that experience as well, over and over and over again. these are placements that may experience multiple rebirths or "ego deaths" throughout their journey, and it can definitely take a toll on them mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and even physically.

— this is why it benefits these natives to have some form of a spiritual or religious practice that keeps them grounded and focused. otherwise, they can begin to harbor pain and resentment, that ultimately leads them to work against themselves. at their lowest, these natives can feel as though they're not actually really "here", it may feel like they're walking through life without actually existing, in a sense. these are usually themes that these natives experience more so in youth, but with age and growth, they do eventually in time find their purpose and are able to maintain meaningful, flourishing connections with others, but most importantly, with themselves.

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jyeshindra · 2 days

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MARS, SCORPIO, & ARIES

Mars: Ambition, drive, power, courage, instincts, anger, passion

Aries & Scorpio (Pluto)

Both are ambitious, driven people. Motivated by goals and desires. They want to take action and are independent people. Do not easily obey or submit to others. Passionate people and can be spiritual as well. They can both resist temptation and focus in on what they want.

Solitary people. Mars likes to operate on its own. Undisturbed and un-influenced. Can be loners or they just like to lead the pack. Both positions are lonely.

They both have excellent instinct and trust their natural talents. They have a strong sense of self built on their accomplishments. They are hard-working and can put their noses to the grindstone!

Scorpio is more subtle and reserved (yin/water) but ultimately has more stability and focus (fixed). Scorpio studies, analyzes, processes, interprets, understands. Pluto is the destroyer, so Scorpio has a lot of concentrated power. If Aries is a cannonball, Scorpio is a laser.

Scorpio has more endurance (Scorpion). They can weather a lot of different situations and will defend themselves if they have to. But this won’t be their first response (yin). They’ll likely figure you out first, pinpoint your weaknesses, and keep their head above water. But best believe, they know what buttons to push and how to hit where it hurts. Cold people, ruthless at times. More feminine-leaning Scorpios can display this easily. Spiteful people, can hold a grudge if they really are emotionally invested. Eye for an eye kind of people. They will linger emotionally in situations and fester.

Scorpio’s expression of Mars + Pluto creates this desiring nature. This kind of speaks to a Scorpio theme which is suffering. Scorpio can have a relationship with desire where it is extremes of grasping and staying away. Hot and cold hot and cold. Never satisfied. They are (yin) so they need something to fill them. Something to warm them up. They like to hold onto things. Some Scorpios can be indulgent (Taurus/Venus opposition) but it’s more like Scorpio will indulge their feelings. If they really want something and they’re fixated on it, they will indulge that desire.

Aries on the other hand can be more dynamic and bold (Fire/Cardinal). They like to explore, try different things, and make progress towards what it is they have set their sights on. Aries is not like Scorpio in terms of endurance. They can burn out more quickly, get frustrated, quit, or just throw themselves at the same wall repeatedly.

Aries is the baby (Ram/Lamb) of the zodiac so there is this theme of maturation with Aries. They need to master themselves and their abundant fiery energy. Scorpio is more likely to have the introspection available to understand their motivations and why they do things. Aries can be like this as well, but they can also be childish in their approach to matters.

Overestimating their abilities, underestimating their abilities, biting off more than they can chew, taking on too much at once. Their Martian energy wants to do, do, do, do, do, and it’s firing on all cylinders.

On the other hand, because Aries is so dynamic, their Martian energy is geared towards leadership (cardinal). Where they go, other people tend to follow or mimic. Something about their nature (fire) is infectious and inspiring. Their Martian energy manifests as a light for others to follow through the challenges they face.

Aries clears the path (cardinal) and breaks down walls. As it matures, it learns to focus its energy and apply itself in the right ways. It picks the positions that are suited for it. It does not only think of itself, it thinks of others too.

Scorpio learns to balance their control and surrender. They learn to investigate themselves and kill off the parts of them they no longer need. Ultimately, Scorpio achieves an inner peace and builds their inner security so there is no need to fixate or obsess. They channel that focused energy on the things that give back to them. On what makes them emotionally content.

Both energies are incredibly inspiring though, Scorpio + Aries. These people can bear a lot and are fierce protectors of the people they love. Aries may be more demonstrative (yang) while Scorpio will be subtle and quiet in their affections (yin).

#zodiac #astro observations #astrology #astrology signs #horoscope #natal chart #astro notes #astro community #astrologer #scorpio #aries #mars #martian #mars astrology #zodiac breakdown #zodiac aesthetic #zodiac signs

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aarafox · 14 hours

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I've been playing the last 5 min of the ep on loop for more than an hour and holy shit. I have so much to talk about.

At first Blitz’s attitude towards Stolas reclaiming the book is understandable, from a business POV: he needs the book to perform his job! It makes sense he gets a little desperate, tries to keep up the bargain, begs for Stolas to rethink.

But then. Then Stolas gives him the crystal, in one of the sweetest ways possible.

Like a marriage proposal.

The crystal is supposed to be everything Blitz wants, because, supposedly, fucking Stolas is just part of the deal… in any other situation, with any other person, he would’ve been like sure! Cool, thanks :)

But not for a single second he looks happy with this. We all know it’s because deep down he feels the same way… But he gets upset, worried, afraid. From the get-go.

And Stolas is telling him the loveliest things. He’s pouring his absolute heart out. I don’t think I expected him to tell Blitz exactly how he feels but he does. Just like in his texts, he’s completely honest with him:

“Blitz, I’m giving you this because… I care... VERY deeply for you. And I have for some time.”

How he places the crystal on his wrist like a ring on a fiancée’s finger. This is Stolas’ absolute biggest gesture of love. He’s setting Blitz free! From this transactional thing… That’s what Blitz wants… right?

“I want you to continue to… be who you are. Your business!” This was such a kind thing to say. In his eyes, Blitz is perfect as he is and I wonder how often - perhaps if ever - Blitz has heard something like this. The music reflects Stolas’ honesty and affection, the soft and beautiful melody that we know so well… This is Stolas’ big moment, his declaration of love.

“You don’t have to stay here with me... But... I want you to. I want you to stay here with me. Because you want to. Only if you want to.”

And honestly… the shock on Blitz’ face when Stolas says that first line (the "you don't have to stay" one):

Like seriously?? Biggest shock so far? Blitz doesn’t want to separate from Stolas! He wants to stay with him! But when Stolas reveals his truth… that he wants Blitz to stay because Blitz himself wants to and not for any deal or arrangement…

And Blitz, who still can’t believe someone could genuinely love him, responds in the only way he thinks he should: in their “business language”, the language of sex. Because he cannot let the truth sink into his heart.

Of course this hurts Stolas, for whom this reaction is only proof that his feelings are unrequited. If Blitz can’t respond to him in any other way than this, there’s little chance he feels the same…

And still, he is so so kind:

“Thank you Blitz. For… awakening me. For making me… so happy… if only for a little while.”

He was trapped in an unhappy, abusive marriage for so long and Blitz saved him from that. Thanks to Blitz, Stolas had a chance to find out who he was, change his life for the better, and experience true happiness. But if Blitz can’t give Stolas what he needs emotionally, then this is where it has to end.

And Blitz retaliates in the only way he knows how: self-protection. He doesn’t want this to end, but he also never expected Stolas to feel genuine love for him. He HAS no time to think about this, in his eyes Stolas is ending this on his own terms. But he doesn’t have the full words; he hasn’t faced his own feelings and, if he can’t even be genuine with himself, how can he be genuine with Stolas?

But his words, that he’s saying partly because he truly believes them but likely also because he wants to protect himself from the pain, cut Stolas like knives. Stolas flinches when Blitz calls him "asshole" and "bitch":

Blitz's words... shatter his heart.

Stolas has been on the receiving end of hate for a long time. But to hear this from the one he loves so much... It's simply too much to handle. So he sends Blitz away.

As Blitz’s apology still echoes through the air.

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laniemae · 2 days

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An analysis on Yuno and Mikoto parallels with their mindsets and story

TW for: prostitution, pregnancy, implied SA, suicide

This was originally intended to be a reblog but this got way too long so I just decided I’d make it into a full post so yeah.

To get straight into it, they definitely both have themes of normalcy and essentially “growing up too fast” and wanting to become independent earlier on in life. And essentially faking a lot about their identities for other people. As with Yuno’s personas she puts up for other people, especially with the line

“What type of girl do you like? I want to become like that, but that's probably too hard for me”

And how in her first VD es mentions that she essentially conforms her personality to fit with es and to specifically push their buttons and stuff, almost like a game with her overwhelming sense of boredom and emptiness. So she tends to try and fill this by taking traits of other people and adapting to them.

This is also very similar with Mikoto. As he is a person who prioritises being acceptable and pleasing to people over all else. Essentially having crafted this “normal happy sociable guy” persona. Unlike Yuno though, who more so adjusts herself to fit with a specific person she’s talking to, Mikoto tries to adjust himself to fit with everyone. And both because of this and their unstable identities, have troubles forming proper relationships and friendships with other people because of that and tend to isolate themselves because of that, knowingly or not. To talk with people casually and be an acceptable person, but not get too close to someone who could be a friend, and keep people at an arms length.

To me this one timeline conversation perfectly sums up these parallels between them

Interestingly enough a part where they conflict in these ideologies is their “self respect” (I don’t know how to word it). Like in trial 2 Yuno detested how she was treated as some naive child after everything. Like she was “abnormal” and because of this was babied and pitied for her behaviour despite everything saying otherwise. And in response to this Yuno feel back into her more default apathetic state, being grossed out by how she has been viewed and even though she may change parts of her identity to fit with people, she still has a respect to self where she knows what she’s not and the way she’s viewed with others. (Idk if this makes sense as it was kinda hard to word as she doesn’t have a stable sense of identity that much but knows how to uphold it which is contradictory but is basically what is happening?)

With Mikoto though, he lacks a stable sense of identity both as a person and how to respect and h uphold it, unlike Yuno. Mikoto essentially allows people to treat him however they want no matter how they view him or if they hurt him, as for him fighting back will only get him hurt more. Even with more negative perception by others he doesn’t uphold himself and fight back, as with being unforgiven in trial 1 Mikoto expressed his suffering after everything he’s been through, but never actually fought back in any way from being voted guilty or truly attempted not be judged that way again. He accepted how that happened to him and like as I said, he believes if he fights back that would only get him more hurt.

It’s not only their mindsets and stuff I’ve also noticed a ton of story parallels and stuff. A major connection between both of their stories are the presence of a foreign entity inside, with Yuno being a fetus and Mikoto being an alter(s). And also the themes of body vs mind that come with this.

Yuno, a theory I’ve been thinking about is that originally she engaged in prostitution as something to “fill her with warmth” as an unhealthy coping mechanism to her constant feeling of emptiness and never being full or satisfied with anything in her life. Essentially with this happening and stuff she ended up getting pregnant, and I don’t believe she actually hated it at first. And perhaps there was some sort of fulfilling comfort to carrying and her body nurturing some foreign entity. I especially think this with the lyrics

“Just the two of us, I feel a little tingle inside

Our love links us together

Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away

Let's reload the warmth”

Which perhaps is not her talking about her clients, but rather the fetus and the sort of comforting presence it may have bought her. But as things went by Yuno probably lost this feeling as both her physical and mental health deteriorated and that’s probably why the lyrics changed to

“Just the two of us I finally found it

The lies are endless

Just me alone, it really is lonely

Let's reload the warmth”

It definitely seems like with this change things got incredibly desperate for Yuno. As with the theory she threw herself down the stairs to abort herself, such an action would’ve been incredibly dangerous and could’ve killed her, and perhaps there was suicidal intent in this action as well. And Yuno being in a mixed state of apathy and confliction after this event, as in the first voice trailer the distorted line just had her saying “ugh…”.

Now what does this have to do with Mikoto? It actually makes a lot of sense if you compare the stories and such. Essentially like Yuno carrying a fetus, Mikoto has alter(s) and such, again a foreign entity separate from one’s self, but with Yuno it’s a body without a mind and with Mikoto it’s a mind sharing a body. With Yuno, perhaps the idea of something like that comforted her of never being alone, but we know with Mikoto he’s absolutely horrified of not being the only person in his mind. I think I’ll have to look more at John here. As he more so feels comfortable with the “not being alone” thing, sort of. With John the idea of being alongside Mikoto has devolved into an obsession, dedicating his entire existence to him and Mikoto being the only source of comfort to him despite how painful his life has been. With it essentially being the only thing keeping him together, and if something happened to Mikoto, John would lose the only sense of comfort he’s ever had. And with the whole themes of “discarding the foreign entity”, there’s a theory I have discussed in the past about John perhaps having repressed the other alters/fragments in a way which could be considered murder, but a murder of the mind and not of the body. What makes me believe this happened is from the line in the 2nd trial teaser trailer.

“Aughh! You're all so fucking loud! I'II beat you to death, you pieces of shit!”

Since it’s very obvious that John did not kill a bunch of random people who annoyed him as he claimed on neoplasm. The only thing that could make sense from this is that is that this is him being frightened and overwhelmed by the voices of the other alters perhaps. And this is what essentially drove him to repress them, hence the symbolism of the mannequins inside the train. Also another motivation for this is that John was likely afraid that they would all hurt Mikoto, especially with the line

“Just the two of us, relieved aren’t you?”

Implying he believes Mikoto should be comfortable with it only being him and John, again with the theming of comfort and foreign entities.

So essentially if my theories are true then these stories heavily parallel each other as well as their mindsets as discussed earlier. And even with these themes there is a ton of symbolism that connects them. As interestingly enough both Mikoto and Yuno use the phrase “futari bochi/just the two of us” in this context, and when 009 says it it shows a close up of his stomach. Which ties into multiple pregnancy/childbirth motifs in his story. Especially the line “me, the newborn other you” with “産声をあげ” which can mean being born/giving birth, and also the cry of a newborn baby. And when translated literally can also mean “the other me who gave birth” iirc. And as well as the children’s cries in the scene with his mother gives huge parallels to Yuno’s story with also having themes of pregnancy to the point there is no way this could be just a coincidence.

And as well as this also brings up the themes of sexualisation in their stories especially paired with them both having childbirth symbolism and stuff. Yuno, we already know, she was a prostitute and that’s how it all happened. But with Mikoto there’s a ton of sexual/fanservice scenes in MeMe, constantly showing him shirtless or in very revealing situations with what we currently know about his story makes absolutely no sense. This makes me think about how the characters are portrayed in their MVs are a reflection of how they view themselves. And with Yuno, despite her being a prostitute and wearing a lingerie esq outfit for the majority of Tear Drop, she never actually sexualises herself or has the camera have any hots for her. This makes sense with what we’ve known, as Yuno only really did this as an attempted to fell warm inside and not constantly empty, so it makes sense she wouldn’t give that much attention to her body. But this is the opposite with Mikoto, who because of how he’s portrayed in MeMe definitely seems to heavily sexualise himself, for whatever reason. But with John he doesn’t have the same mindset as Mikoto so with Double being from his perspective he views himself more normally. And if we go back the themes of pregnancy and stuff. A really horrifying implication about Mikoto emerges where something could’ve happened to him in a way that made him sexualise himself out of trauma. And John, with all the newborn symbolism around him, could essentially be a representative of a baby from that. Which I’ll have to stop talking about here which I really don’t want to get any further into that territory as it’s really sad. But again I mentioned due to parallels with Yuno of if that means essentially a foreign entity emerged from misconduct resulted trauma, even if in Yuno’s case it may be different. I’m sorry for talking about this it’s just what seems to be implied.

So that’s essentially what I can think of from the top of my head of parallels between their mindset and stories. With the themes of a foreign entity and the comfort/discomfort born from that and the eventual discarding of it. And the themes of body vs mind as well as their unstable identities and how they adjust to other people.

#milgram #Milgram theory #Yuno kashiki #mikoto kayano #tw pregnancy #tw sa implied #character parallels in milgram are so incredibly interesting to me #Like with amane and fuuta their similarities are what made them become friends but with mikoto and yuno #Their similarities likely would’ve drove them further apart perhaps #And makes me wonder as these are both opposite numbers being 0209 and 0308 #Which makes me wonder if there’s any 0407 0506 or 0110 parallels and if we should look into them more #How did I even get here writing this theory I feel like I shouldn’t of made this #tw suicide #I guess I feel kinda bad posting this as it was hard to write #I’m also not the most knowledgeable on these subjects to I apologise if I got anything wrong #I only just thought of this but with the implication that yuno might’ve tried to kill herseld #There’s also the theory that mikoto attempted suicide as well after realising what was going on #And in a way they’re almost for the same reason if those theories are true

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bonefall · 7 months

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"How do I cope with the fact that I have been a horrible father and nearly killed my child, as well as underlying trauma I never got over. Easy, I will WIN at guilt"

Maybe eventually Toadstep snaps at him "Trust me, I don't need a name to remember what you did" after Spider presses him about using the dishonor title one time to many

After that he might shut up about it around his son maybe

I feel like Toadstep doesn't confront him over it, it's more comfortable for him to just. Quietly cut ties.

After all, it's not like Spiderbite was involved in his life before, and he's not really making big behavioral changes. Toad's got his mate Lionblaze now, during AVoS they have kits, he's from a pretty big family even without the Dustkin side. Why even bother with his sire (derogatory)'s problems?

Rosepetal is more the type to confront Spider over it... but I don't think he'd take it to heart. The argument would derail as Spider makes it about his piety, Rosepetal tries to pull it back to how it makes his VICTIM feel uncomfortable and "think about someone besides yourself for once," only to earn a nonsequitor like, "I live for the WARRIOR CODE."

Thankfully, he loses the Dishonor Title after a few months, much to his chagrin, once Bramblestar agrees he learned his lesson. But THIS behavior never changes. Guy is absolutely unreachable.

#It's based on this specific behavior that im intimately familiar with #I don't know the name of it though. But it's the way that someone does something continuously offensive and even if you GENTLY try to--#--ask them to tone it back. They take it like an attack on their personhood #Like hurting you is part of their sense of self #Especially in a religious sense #BB!Spiderleg #Spiderbite #Better bones au #BB!Rosepetal #BB!Toadstep

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ride-a-dromedary · 6 months

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Alright, the jack in the box is wound, and the coherence is coming to me. Halsin and the dryad, I was talking about his response if the PC indicates that he is most comfortable after a supper large enough to induce hibernation:

"Mindless gorging...? No, that is not right. I did not realize you thought that of me."

And why this keeps catching in my mind is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it (so I am commending Dave Jones' voice acting here). The rest of Halsin's responses to incorrect answers are generally even toned and corrective; firm, usually, but not inherently overly emotional. Much like a teacher correcting a student. But this one...he sounds genuinely surprised and taken aback that the PC would even suggest that. The "no, that is not right" is even firmer on its heels. And the last part...the last part, his voice is smaller. Less forward. I would not go so far as to suggest hurt, but it is approaching that territory. It comes so fast after his firm no, that it almost sounds like something that slipped by accident. Like something that was meant to be muttered under the breath, but it slipped from him because the surprise was so organic.

Alone, it doesn't mean too much. It's a slight offense to an obviously nonfactual statement. And that's likely all it is. I'm about to read too deep into this, I am aware.

But combined with the other things spread throughout Halsin's dialogue, particularly the implication that he is otherwise used to people making commentary on his physical appearance or the physicality of his being, it suggests an extra layer of hurt. An extra layer of: "I did not expect this from you, of all people." Not quite a betrayal, but approaching one.

What makes it particularly catching, is that one of the things you are able to wrench (and I say wrench because getting Halsin to share mundane personal details about himself is a production - and it makes *sense* it's a production if a. We keep in mind that Halsin himself doesn't seem all too sure who he is beyond his preoccupation - which elves are prone to but Halsin also just has...a lot on his plate that have evidently stunted his identity formation - to the point where he even claims he was forgetting who he was, and b. If he is used to questions concerning himself and his experience leading into questions regarding his sex life or his physical activities, see: the companion banter with Wyll and Karlach, he likely...doesn't really keep ready details about himself personally on tap anymore. He's so unused to people being interested in Halsin, that he's taken aback when they are. It becomes the "In the moment, I forget everything and anything I like to do for fun" mentality - no one really cares about what I like to do anyway - if you will. He even goes so far as to joking that the PC may be a doppelganger because *why else would they want to know these things*) out of Halsin when you ask him about himself is that he has a sweet tooth. That he likes honey, and people find that amusing. He chuckles, but his face falls, evidently prepping for the PC to make a similar comment (and he attempts to beat you to the joke about that, though a PC can still call that "on the nose" to which he responds that there is little point in denying oneself if it doesn't hurt anybody - indulging isn't a bad thing). If the PC instead chooses that he should pay little attention to what others think, he gives that infamous: "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt" line. Which implies - regardless of whether he verbalizes it or not - things in this thread hurt his feelings. Comments or assumptions about his body and his person hurt his feelings. He won't say it, but they do. The PC is likely aware of this by this point in the relationship.

Halsin does not otherwise bring up eating or food to any level of significance or directness - the sweet tooth comment was the only time (you could assume outside of canon interactions that they've had other conversations between them and that perhaps this was brought up, but we are going to base this solely in what Halsin reveals in canon). He brings up hibernation, but specifically the sleeping part of it. Nothing else.

So, the PC then potentially goes ahead and makes an assumption of him during the dryad. How'd they arrive at this conclusion, as it obviously surprises Halsin that they did? It reads, very much, that the PC is making this assumption based on the comment about his sweet tooth, his comment on indulgence, and his physicality (note: the ha ha bear and hibernation thing almost seems like an afterthought - Halsin latches *very* quickly onto the "mindless gorging" part). All things that he has shown very evident discomfort (which is ironic because the question is when he feels most comfortable) or hesitance towards (he claims there is nothing wrong with indulgence, but never seems to indulge himself beyond sex, if that. Gee, what does that remind you of?)

Halsin entrusted this individual with this information, as frivolous as it was, potentially revealed that it hurts his feelings when people make assumptions of him, and this individual then went used that information and made the assuming connection: "So, this is a big man. He said he liked sugar, so he must like to eat and indulge. It must be his favourite thing to do because look at him." I am going to essentially ignore everything else I could have possibly heard, and make a bear hibernation joke that has nothing to do with sleeping being a comfort, but emphasize the eating part.

So, yeah, he's a little taken aback - incredulous, you might say. A little hurt. Resigned, almost. Because at that point, you can make a very logical assumption that Halsin came to a very quick snap realization that perhaps this person was not so different from the others as he thought. That it always eventually comes back to that. What else was he expecting? When has it ever been any different for him?

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #does this make sense i don't think it does but it's like...jumping from a - z based on assumption and you know what they say about that #note: this isn't actually this deep i am just making it this deep - also yes i'm aware it probably means none of this #i have a degree in bullshit #but this is also why halsin should have had a legitimate bear like build of a body #i understand why he didn't - but this is *verbatim* what fat individuals receive as assumptions on their person #*all the time* that oh you must overindulge yourself you must eat a lot you must you MUST #and in that thread of thought of halsin's relationship with his body #there's also something to say when halsin says 'my ears are all yours...any part of me is yours should you wish it'#because he *begins* by offering his sympathy and understanding...but follows it up with 'but if i am more valuable to you in this way #then that's fine too - i'm used to that'#almost parallels (inadvertently) astarion's:#'i think i'll enjoy having halsin around not for his wit or wisdom he'll just make an excellent shield if we're attacked'#he's self aware #and in regards to how halsin sees his body as a separate entity - a. body dysmorphia and b. i don't think he truly does #halsin claims he sees his body as a vessel to serve nature and wrinkles his nose at vanity - but i feel there is enough old hurt in him #that this can never be true of him even is he so desperately wishes it was #does he have a level of confidence in himself? obviously he does - but it is marred - it's an exchange #there's always going to be that little voice in the back

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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months

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I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.

Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.

I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.

#meanwhile everyone else: what is this weird fucked up mating ritual they are participating in #though i think its very interesting how their motivations differ #seb wants to lull people into a false sense of security(and also really just likes to be his complete unadulterated self)#and fernando is guarding himself because he doesn't want to get hurt #and i think seb convinces Fernando that its okay to be openly soft and yourself :) not eveyrone is out to get you #and fernando teaches seb hey maybe dont invite this obvious assassin to your chambers?????#i think seb also has insecurites but Fernando's are just more easy to explain bcs hes in a much more difficult situation #at the end of the day both of them are putting on facades in some way #(i think seb likes to be himself but also does feel really hurt when people dont think he has the capacity or ability to rule effectively)#(he likes to be kind and playful and doesnt want to obscure that part of himself. but hes aware it can hurt his image unfortunately)#also lol the way i characterize fernando is very historically accurate btw #bcs the spanish court tradition was basically to be above it all and be a lofty unobtainable figure if that makes sense #yknow having just this insane level of confidence and infallible image of yourself as the ruler #the guy seb is based on really bought into that idea but i dont think it really suits seb so yeah #seb I think is very much a unique figure that others have a lot of trouble reading him and his intentions. which is great!#AAAAAHHH MAN FELT REALLY GOOD TO WRITE ALL THAT OUT !!!!!!!!!#i love writing their characterization so fucking much you dont understand #its nice to put it in words like this bcs yknow i dont rly enjoy actual writing. but this i enjoy greatly #hope this is compelling to more than just me hahaha #boy king au #catie.rambling.txt #vettonso

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featherymainffins · 2 months

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Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?

#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like #while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and #both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor #and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in #a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but #on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her #at all nor do you care to #and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her #but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor #and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc #its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of #several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad #and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works #we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you #much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person #and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings #is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself #and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol #oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like #scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue #basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it #witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love #each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another #and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems #etc etc #like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?

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ghostlyheart · 10 months

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"The patriarchy sucks for everyone" is a phrase that irks me to no end when it's used to derail conversations about women. Like yes that's true I guess but the way it sucks for women is a lot more materially and physically violent. The suckiness is not equally distributed

#and im not saying we SHOULDNT talk about how it affects men but also #that should not be the center of every conversation. there's a time and a place #sure it hurts men's self image but can we pls not forget that not only does it fuck with women's sense of self it also very much kills them #i do not want feminism that dismantles toxic masculinity without also tackling the structural barriers #that keep women from political/social/economic equality #and when people say this is a TERF talking point??? why would you concede that to them #the way parts of this website talk abt feminism scares me #sorry it seems like im making up a guy to get mad at i just need to get this out of my system

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whentheynameyoujoy · 4 months

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Gotta admit, that scene of Marcela confidently parading her near total lack of self worth by giving a free lecture on how Betty's sudden presence of a spine indicates absence of love for Armando hits a bit different now that I'm a fellow I Got It All Figured Out who's currently getting feasted on by a therapist.

#ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #my lady!#every single word and action of yours are just further proof that you absolutely need to be bolted onto that couch #her brand of entitlement combined with opulent self-sacrificiality is so heavy i need to shove it down my gullet to digest it properly #she's so sure her absent sense of self worth is actually a moral choice on her part and everyone should be like her #she takes the cope and presents it as a normal fact of life and 'that's why I'm better than you actually because I've cracked the secret yo #'my asshole fiancé keeps hurting me and I keep taking it and that's proof I'm a good person actually'#my girl is textbook

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chazz-is-a-zelda-fan · 6 months

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can’t post this on insta considering a good chunk of my irls follow me there and they wouldn’t get this but i’ve been doing a lot better this week about keeping up with myself, i think

#the thing that i’ve mostly seen myself get better at is brushing my teeth and i know that’s so basic everyone starts by working on that #but its actually really difficult for me to keep up with esp considering that i have self sabotaging my health for years #like for the majority of my life i did not think i would make it to 16. i thought i would be 6 feet under and buried before i got here #i didn’t want people to know me because 1. then they couldn’t hurt me by forgetting me and 2.#they wouldn’t have anyone to mourn and i could fade away like i’d always wanted to #so i never cared about myself since i thought “well my time is up before i’m 16 it’s not like anything matters to me”#and while i hate to say it it gave me a sense of freedom under the roof i was stuck under #Religious Trauma does not fuck around let me tell you that #and so that “nothing i do matters” mentality became a major part of me and i regret it so much #i ruined so many relationships that could’ve helped me hold on to the little hope i had #i almost ruined my entire relationship with my sister because of that and i… i hope she knows how sorry i am.#i hope she knows just how hard her big brother is trying to be better.#i don’t know what to do now that i’m 16. it’s scary. i don’t know anything. i graduate next year.#but whatever i do… i can try. i can try to move on from the self sabotage and the recklessness and maybe #just maybe #i can be a big brother she can be proud of.#midnight mech

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ratcandy · 2 years

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What do you hate about vanessa characterization

Alright listen real talk. I'm all for giving horrible antagonistic characters some amount of humanization or rationalization behind their actions. I get it I understand I'm totally for it. But at the same time holy shit how Vanessa's actions get largely ignored, downplayed or brushed under the rug for purposes of "let's get her and the person she abused and murdered to reunite because reasons" makes me so fucking mad

Literally don't care if you want Van and Snatcher to reunite for romantic or platonic purposes. Why would anyone be so desperate to redeem/justify an abuser's actions or pretend that the abused has to - or should - forgive and forget in any capacity. No. Fuck that. Fuck any notion of that

In what world is it a "better" ending or alternative for the victim to just be cool being around their abuser again. Even the GAME didn't try to pull this shit and the game redeemed the Mafia, a bunch of genocidal colonizers. Don't try and lump her in with the forced redemption crew because that's fucked

I don't care how tragic you make Van's backstory or if you go the fun sparkly ableist route of blaming it on a mental illness, I don't want to see her justified. I don't. I really, really truly do not.

Honestly portraying her, as she is during canon's events, in any way as rational or sympathetic or understanding makes me want to maim and kill. It's so tone deaf that I just don't get why someone would do it to begin with. You want to go in-depth with her backstory and explain how she became this way? You want to give me an in-detail look of her thought processes and how they became so twisted and dark? That's delicious, hell yes, absolutely. But the moment you use that as any sort of justification or say she's suddenly redeemable because "awauhghh but her MoM was a BAd PerSon" or whatever then you've lost all of my interest .

Girlies as someone with Bad Experiences who latched onto Snatcher for a bit because of a little bit too much "I felt that" happening when I went through the rift's storybook, coming back to see a staggering amount of fanon totally cool with Vanessa or defending her actions was shocking to me I wouldn't even be mad or surprised if it was going full "oh what an evil bitch I love her" but no it's. Why is there so much. So so much rationalizing or defending of her happening. You can like evil terrible characters and not try to condone or explain away their actions to make them "better people."

like oh no baby what! is you doing??

#ask #hattytime #woof sorry about the rant this has been relevant so I'm freshly irritated about this shdkJH #abuse mention #like literally. why #for what purpose #There is a shocking amount of it in the fandom. The total obliviousness to the full weight of Van's actions #and why they shouldn't just be glossed over #I pretty much refuse to characterize Van or include her in stories due to my own need for self-care. So maybe I'm biased #but still. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would you do that #Pairing it in any way with infantilizing the Prince or babying him makes me sooooooo mad #i'm not trying to make the argument that abusers are just ruthless animals and can never better themselves #- though in the case of Vanessa specifically that's a bit questionable. with the whole ice demon nonsense -#but trying to convince me that it's essential to the process of betterment that she REUNITE with her VICTIM #will make me want to HURT you #He's not under any obligation to hear her apologies let alone actually forgive her #she can become a totally new and improved person and he doesn't have to have ANY part in it.#and I don't WANT him too. because no one in their right mind WOULD

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