#IVE PLAYED HOW MANY FUCKING HOURS AND NEVER KNEW?!
Text
I played Skyrim today.
#its a big deal lads#i havent touched it since the fight that led to my break up.... and this is the first time I thought about that night in months#and it stings a bit.... like a healing bruise thats still just a bit purple but nearly gone#its on the Switch tho... I havent touched my PS4... but I dont have it with me so... Idk#what a dull pain... Mostly sad for the girl who got hurt and not the me who has moved on... poor baby#ugh.... I've hurt so many people.... and I've been able to run from them to heal all involved except myself...#I'm so mean to me... And that's why I wear crop tops and sleep naked and eat fish and love my cat and just do things I enjoy...#amd slowly we can begin to heal and be happy#when I start standing up for me more.... Its all over for you bitches!!! Watch out cus Im close!!!#im healing#and#it feels so good#I had no fucking idea that Shavari follows you around Riften and makes dealing with Brand-Shei difficult#i just shoveled Vampire Dust into my face and hoped for the best.... Didnt know that freak ass cat was following me#IVE PLAYED HOW MANY FUCKING HOURS AND NEVER KNEW?!#killed Heimskr didnt get caught but still had the Dark Brotherhood sent after me#havent encountered Nazeem yet.... Intend to kill his ass when he opens his mouth#I. Will. Not. Kill. Partysnax. Havent met him yet tho... Cam you kill Delphine???#i wanna marry Farkas SOOOO BAD... Hes such a cutie! and hes so sweet#skyrim
1 note
·
View note
Text
Hey, guys! I've been receiving a ton of messages in response to my last post. It's reminding me of how I first discovered shifting. I feel like doing a little story time since Ive just passed the three-year mark of my discovery, and I've been reminiscing with friends about it.
I remember being in a very dark place when I stumbled upon shifting. I was depressed, and very suicidal. Yet, there was this unshakeable optimism inside me that I was meant for an extraordinary life. Despite my mental state, I had a lot of knowledge of subliminals and the law of attraction (-_-). These gave me hope, but they weren't enough tbh. I didn't want to attract my dream life through practicing gratitude or becoming a magnet for my desires or whatever. Nor did I want to have to listen to subliminals for years on end to achieve my goals. My list of desires was so long, and I needed everything to change that going step by step and waiting years for each one to manifest just wasn't feasible.
But I refused to give up. One day, after a particularly hard day of being sad per usual, I searched on Quora for something like "fastest most powerful subliminals on YouTube ever" (Y’all 😭😭). Among the recommended sub creators, I found a video called "Desired Life: Reality Shifting". The description promised everything I had ever wanted: waking up with all your desires fulfilled permanently in short. It piqued my curiosity so much. Could I really just wake up with my dream life, family, house, wealth, all based on my scripts and imagination?
Growing up, I was a heavy maladaptive daydreamer. From ages 10-17, I created alternate lives in my head, telling myself I would go there someday. I was always doing SATs (State Akin to Sleep), and I think that's what kept me from ending it all. I was constantly in the wish fulfilled state, even though I didn't know what that was at the time.
Back to my story, I went into the comments of that video and came across a guy who claimed that after a week of using this subliminal, he woke up with a new life as a multi-millionaire living in his dream penthouse. I messaged him, and he gave me his Instagram which showcased his luxurious life. He had what seemed like a perfect relationship, he was very attractive, had so many cars, and travelled 24/7 while having a six figures amount of followers. He was living proof that this wasn't just scripting. Also the law of attraction community is known for their mad expensive coaching.. like hundreds of dollars per hour for questions and he was answering it all for free something I didn’t see the law of attraction community. And I talked to him for hours! He never got mad, he had proof, and he was kind, proof and the behavior of someone who really had mastered the art of life.
After our conversation, I spent the next couple of months doing research. I found numerous stories about glitches in the matrix, accidental shifting, people entering parallel realities, and eventually, shifting communities on platforms like Amino and Reddit. It was stuff I already believed in and did in my imagination; I just didn’t know there was a term for it.
Then I got reminded of a memory that I had seriously repressed bc it was so fucking weird. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we were absolutely obsessed with dodo birds. One day, we were outside playing, and on god time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, a dodo bird appeared. I know you’re probably like “maya be so fr rn you were a kid” but no, This wasn't just our young imaginations running wild - there was a bird that was huge, dinosaur-like, exactly how dodos are described in books and pictures we had.
Then things got weirder. Suddenly it started raining eggs. Big, large eggs everywhere it was so gross and my brother and I were a mess. We were young, sure, but not stupid. We knew this wasn't normal. My brother and I rushed inside to tell our dad. When I managed to drag him outside, he was furious, accusing me of throwing eggs everywhere. To this day, he tells the story of the time I "trashed the backyard with eggs." And every time, I'm like, "Dad, where would I get that many eggs?" We didn’t have eggs but so he assumed I stole them and we went inside for hours and it was magically cleaned. So he also tells the story of how responsible I am and how I took accountability for my actions even as a child. I didn’t clean that shit bro and I tell him that too and he just laughs it makes me so mad.
My brother, who knows I'm into reality shifting (though he doesn’t really believe in it), can't explain that day either. He often shrugs it off as a "glitch in the matrix," which honestly, well no duh it is a shift dummie. He does believe in manifesting but only bc he has seen me use it and he experiences the good things I manifest as well. They’re the same thing anyways but that isn’t the point
The reason I'm bringing up this bizarre childhood memory is because during my months of research into shifting, I found countless stories of accidental shifts, people entering the void, entering parallel universes, time glitches, examples of the Mandela effect first hand, glitches in the matrix and etc. It was like uncovering a myriad of experiences that confirmed what I already believed: we can change and choose our reality. I just didn’t know the phenomena had a name. Obviously in the future I came across other things like the law of assumption, the void state, etc etc but this was where it started.
I wish I had saved all those fascinating stories, posts, and blogs. I might go back and compile everything I found because they were so real and enlightening. It will probably take forever tho if I do choose to do that, but I think it's worth sharing.
In the meantime, check out this accounts of accidental shifts that my friend shared with me this account https://instagram.com/tessicavision?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA== based off the Glitch in the Matrix subreddit which is also a goldmine of people experiencing similar phenomena. It helped me make sense of my own experiences and might do the same for you.
I don’t want this to be too long and I already got to the point I think! but regardless stay curious and realize you’re really not that special. I mean ofc you are, i mean this is not some tumblr thing teens girls discovered or created and isn’t even limited to “spiritually/manifesting inclined people” I think at the beginning of my journey people talking about accidental shifts and such, inspired me more than purposeful success stories because they really have no reason to lie and they were looking for answers just like I was.
476 notes
·
View notes
Text
unexpected
an ellabs x black!streamer!reader
some times your viewers expect you're in a relationship, and one time you spell it out clearly for them.
wc : 1.860
contains : reader is feminine ! the picture is more lightskin but all shades can read <333 ltlvc reference
a/n : coming up with chat usernames is so hard what the fawk??? but yeah while i ignore trolls the ones under these tags were pissing me off so i wrote this for my fellow black girlies <333 i hope u enjoy :)
lets get one thing out of the way, you loved being a streamer. now that you had a good following of a few thousand regular watchers, you were more than financially stable, got to do something you enjoyed as a job, and even made a few new streaming friends.
but when it came to those friends, every content creator knew simple friendships could stir up drama. you had heard of many cases of friendships being strained or ruined because of this job. more specifically because of the fans.
which is why you took an oath to leave finer details like relationships out of your work. if you did tell a story about that time you and your friends nearly got kicked out of a local mall's journey's, you would keep descriptions of friends brief and blank, even resorting to calling people "friend number one, friend number two..."
luckily most of your fans were more than understanding that you wanted to keep some of your life private.
most of them.
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case one : the first p.o. box
it was another po box opening stream you decided to start early in the day, wanting to show and appreciate chat with the things they got for you.
lululemonsz : babe i hope its a new keyboard urs is on a iv drip !
wariolover96 : open it open the box OPEN IT
shelovedantee : damn is there a bomb in it hurry up
you laughed looking at all the people in chat begging you to open the current package in your hand.
"everybody chill out. look, im gonna open the first one now."
you quickly got a pair of scissors to cut off the packing tape on both ends, hurrying to pull the cardboard from its place.
the chat started speeding up when your mouth fell open in shock, slowly reaching in and pulling out the keyboard. it was sleek, mechanical, and your favorite color.
biiiigpoo : omg isnt that thing like $250?
lululemonsz : this as the first gift is CRAZY
ilovestardewmc1237 : one of your viewers is in love with you
you couldn't even respond, turning the keyboard over and back again to admire the details of it. out of the corner of your eye you spot a little yellow sticky note at the bottom, bringing it up to read it without letting the camera see. once you got to the end, your eyes widened and you quickly moved on to the next gifts.
but the light reflecting from your window and monitor was enough for chat to see a few letters on the note. after that, your fandom quickly began talking of a person named "A" who had not only the money to get you crazy expensive keyboards, but was also able to fluster you with a small note.
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case two : the search history.
every so often, your mods would host little events on your stream. these could include giveaways, shitty chat therapy, and little games for everyone to play. today it was a challenege : the more bits people donated, the crazier stuff you had to do for them. it was all pretty tame, and the end goal was one you didnt think you'd manage to hit.
never doubt the power of charisma and a pretty face, because after only three hours you manged to reach that two thousand dollar mark, and chat was raving at what you'd have to reveal next : your search history.
ariagatorr : damn this lowkey invasive 💀
devonchcgo22 : and we dont give a fuck
plantsnparsnip : right open that shit up
"i hate yall, do you know that? like genuinely." you groaned, slowly movied your mouse to open your chrome history.
there wasn't much for chat to bully you about thankfully, just some light teasing about how much you use pinterest and asking what it was you bought on etsy. and just when you thought you were done, someone had to open their big damn mouth.
pian0picass0 : wait a minute why did you open ellies stream THREE times ????
chat started moving faster as they read the comment, everyone asking you to open the stream and show them what was going on. sucking your teeth and denying them as you had shown them what they wanted!
after quickly wrapping up the stream and giving your thanks and goodbyes, a portion of viewers went on a manhunt for any ellie who was streaming at the moment.
once clicking on the stream, they found it was just a casual stream with ellie. she was obviously pretty, but was super laid-back in her jeans and converse as she strummed some songs on her guitar.
"oh hey, welcome to the stream i guess. any requests? i was gonna practice some radiohead because my friend asked for it."
pian0picass0 : hey ellie! do you know who (y/u) is by any chance?
"'sup casso. uhhhh no i dont think i do. did she send yall over here? maybe ill check her channel out."
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case three : the enhanced dm's
"everybody shut the fuck up and lets start this stupid thing."
this was it, one of your biggest streams of the year. and also the most fun. and most aggravating.
the gist was simple. you and 5 other streamers were thrown into a discord call and whoever lasted the longest through the sleep deprivation and challenges won a heap of cash.
what the hell was it with you getting screwed over by challenges?
it didn't seem that bad. the host, a close friend of yours, told you to share your screen so everyone could decide something to tweet from your twitter.
now, your friends in the call didn't notice what was on your screen when you shared it, and if they did they didn't say anything. but never doubt the perseverance of your crazy ass viewers, because one took the liberty to see exactly what you were saying in that split second they could see your dm's, because they swore they knew that profile picture...
abby : don't worry you'll do fine
abby : you're not gonna get embarrassed by any of the challenges
abby : i hope
y/n : seriously
abby : come onn you know i'm rooting for you <3
y/n : aww thanks bee
abby : yup. for the whole event i'm gonna be your personal cheerleader ^3^
y/n : oooo you gonna put on a uniform for me?
abby : don't push it.
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case four : the voice chat slip up
at this point, there was no point in acting like you didn't know the two streamers.
the first was abby. mostly posted fitness, health, and lifestyle videos on youtube, but would occasionally go live on twitch to talk with her fans or stream herself working out at the gym.
(you may or may not have admitted live that you found her by watching a few of her workout streams. whoops.)
and then there was ellie, a gaming streamer who was known for being chill and quiet when playing music but as loud as a plane engine when playing cs:go. don't even get her started on cod.
but luckily you'd manage to convince her to play some games with you on your latest stream! some stardew, maybe some overcooked. even if she kept burning all of the damn food.
leave it to ellie williams to always surprise you, though.
when you hear the du-dum of the discord join noise, your face lights up and your mouth opens to greet ellie before she beats you to it.
"ok, babe, which game we playin first?"
to make a long story shot, your chat went ballistic and you gave a stern talking to the red head after the stream ended.
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case five : the instagram post
most of the time you leave most of your notifications off to avoid your phone sounding like a constant alarm. but you're guessing your recent endeavor of babysitting your cute but horrifically grabby nephew screwed you over, because before you know it the sound of dozens on instagram notifications are waking you up and pushing your bonnet from where it slipped down your eyes before unlocking your phone.
at first it seems like a normal picture abby posted, standing in front of a mirror in her living room , flexing her arm and covered in a thin sheen of sweat after an apparent workout session. ever the show off.
but when you zoomed into a blip of color in the background, your eyes almost pop out of your head when you see it.
its you and ellie, you sitting in her lap while she showed you some stupid meme on her phone she said reminded her of you.
the post was only thirty minutes old but already had a few thousand comments, the previes of 'OMG?????' and "no fucking way" giving you a hint to what people were thinking.
you turned off your phone, tossed it back on the nightstand and went back to sleep.
●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘
case six : the joint stream
y/nsstan69 : not an unscheduled stream ??? is it judgement day ???
onlycuntz : "ft surprise guest" girl we aren't stupid
you had to hide the smile from appearing on your face as you read through the comments of your chat. you knew some of them were probably smart enough to know what was going on. the three of you hadn't really been discrete in the days following abby's slip up post, and viewers jumped at the chance to point you out in the background of some of her workout videos. and to point out how you were staring at her.
assholes.
so, here you sat in the comfort of your cute gaming chair ready to tell chat the big news with your special guest.
"so, i bet some of you are wondering why im streaming off schedule, but i had something big in my personal life that i wanted to tell you guys! in a few minutes my gest should be here..."
your voice trailed off as you kept your eye on chat, seeing a bunch of comments that you werent expecting from this big announcement.
motionpickers : lmaooooo are they serious
lululemonsz : she's gonna be so pissed
you begin to turn around in your chair when two pairs of lips press a kiss to each of your cheeks.
"you guys are so unserious."
"and you are so bad at hiding things." ellie pulls up and extra chair and rolls it up to yours so her knees touch yours. she tugs your hand into hers to sit on her lap, ignoring when you pinch her with your nails.
"ignore her. we could tell what you were doing and figured we should all do it together," abby is on your other side, resting her hip on the arm of your chair. "so, go ahead. it's pretty obvious already."
"wow, thanks for the support you guys."
"anytime, hun."
uhuhstasia : i literally cant tell whos luckier
niatargaryen : IS ANYBODY ELSE FREAKNG OUT
ilovestardewmc1237 : is it appropiate to say i called this
#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson fluff#abby x reader x ellie#ellie x reader x abby#abby#ellie#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x reader#ellie x fem reader#tlou#tlou 2#tlou x reader#fem reader#streamer reader
396 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hear me out- fluffy comfort sex with scara bc y/n's severe daddy issues are acting up and it gets rougher... idk ive just been fantasizing about this 🤭
"For me~"
Tw: daddy issues, Signals of depression.
Scaramouche x GN reader PUREE comfort! :)
1.3K Words
scara masterlistt wanderer comfort
Fluff+smut
MINORS DNI---
Please make sure your taking care of yourself! I might not know you but your a beautiful person inside out who deserves the best and an amazing life no matter your age. Either young or old, things will get better. Have faith in yourself ❤️ I hope scara helps you feel better here💜
Art credit!
Even though scaramouche has a interesting personality. I feel like he truly can relate to MANY people regarding their problems and that's why he's one of my, if not favorite genshin character.
He's on break from his most recent mission in inazuma and treats you out and catch up as another date. He brings you a couple of gifts and some dango he kept cold just for you. "I thought you weren't a fan of dango scara?" "I'm not but.. figured I might as well bring something sweet for you besides myself" you giggled but that soon turned into a sad expression while you played with the box of dango he handed to you. "What's wrong y/n?"
Unfortunately, hearing about what's going on with your father was the last thing he wished to hear. Your his everything and you getting treated or viewed as nothing is something that makes his skin boil.
"tsk, how about I teach that old man a lesson? Humans are all the same. Taking it out on others because they can't handle the fucking truth or their own shit life. Where is he?" Scaramouche stood up from the table and looked at his surroundings.
"S-scara baby please it's fine its fine.." he sits back down. "Being with you already makes my day a blessing." You cup his cheek and he sinks into your warm touch. Looking at your beautiful eyes. He sighs, "you don't deserve this y/n. And..I'm not going to be here all the time for you. Fuck...this is already pissing me off"
"I don't even fucking have a father, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't let myself get pushed around like this." You frowned. "Hey. Look at me. Your not a push over okay? I-im just saying this isn't right. Your beautiful and deserve the world y/n. I'd give you all of teyvat in a heartbeat" which you assumed he could after seeing the 'Shouki no kami' he and 'the doctor' have been working on. "Is he always home and like this?" "Yeah.. it's just like this when I'm around... So I'd just find something to do to try and take my mind off if it but..it still hurts." He held your hand. "Its going to hurt my love, it hurt when my mom abandoned me as well. Leaving me alone, but you have to find hope. Be it something small or anything. The fatui was.. a revenge thing you can say but. I found hope within you to be different..even if I am still in it. For now." You blushed "wow kuni~ I never knew you could be so nice." And there went his ego, "I just tell it like it is. And like I said, you are beautiful my love. And you certainly are worth it. Every hour, every second and every breath I take by your side."
It grew silent for a couple of minutes. Scara got up and paced back and forth thinking of a way to help you, to make you understand he loves you. He knew that deep in your thoughts we're tragedy and pain, that you we're alone. And he didn't want you to feel how he felt when his life crumbled due to the stoned face of a god.
He wanted to hurt that man, make him regret it. But he knew that wasn't the right way. Sometimes violence isn't always the answer and he learned that from you. You we're the yin to his yang, the beat in his heart. He loved you more than anything and you guided him into the 'happy' man he is today more then anyone could ever hope to become.
He didn't take you home, rather to his own home. It was dark, black painted walls and only 1 or 2 pictures he took with his 'buddy, Childe' and the rest we're all pictures of you. Even in his room he had taped up letters you'd write to him during his abroad trips. "Look. Come here." He was a little stern but you can tell it was because he was angry at how you we're being treated. "You see all of this here? I read these everyday. When I wake up, to be reminded that I'll always have you y/n." He held your hands and sat on the bed while taking his hat off. "I want you too feel the same way, even with that piece of shi- 'annoying parent' around. You don't have to read my letters my love, but please. Stay strong. For me. And for the future we will have together, side by side. Always."
SMUT🤪
Scaramouche laid you onto the bed and let out a groan "god look at this beautiful body of yours. How dare you look at yourself like this.. your fucking beautiful" he rubbed his hands along your body and took licks around your neck "I'm gonna treat you well t'night baby. And tomorrow I'm going to ask that brat Childe to take the rest of my missions for a bit(months) love." "B-but scara then your going to be so busy after-" he kissed you to keep you quiet. "Mmm mmm.. don't worry about that, trust me you'd be surprised to see the things he'd do after I put on a show for him(scara means killing a buncha people. Childe loves that shit😩)
Scara moved down to your private part, licking and kissing it "Scara~ stopp..your tongue~"
"Want me to stop baby? I know you like it." "N-no" you said while rubbing through his hair "you feel so good~" he smirked. "Good you like it. How about my fingers, you want that to?" "Y-yes daddy..wanna feel your fingers." Scara licked at his fingers and put two inside. "Mmm your so tight around my fingers baby..." He took his other hand and held your leg up while biting at your thighs. "Scara~ please~ ah...hah...." biting and sucking on your thighs until you got a hicky "Yes? What does love want." "I- I want you inside." He stopped biting at you and laughed. "Mmm and here I thought you wanted me to be gentle. And cherish your body." "I-i do but... I want more of you scara" "then take what you want of me, my love"
"Oh fuck baby..L-look at you, bouncing on daddys cock so well." Scara's praises made your body heat up. You two interlocked hands as you chased your orgasm "Yes y/n..Fuck yes. i love you. I love you so fucking much, Please cum for me. Let me hear those beautiful moans." "S-SCARA~ OH sHIT~" You cum oozed onto scara as he kept praising you, "Mm..fuck baby you did so well..So fucking well.. lay down f' me." Your body grew weak as your high started to fade and he guided you to the otherside of the bed. Scara licked off some of your cum while cleaning you up. "Shit.. and you taste good too baby." You threw a pillow at him "You pervet-"
You awoke to your boyfriend soundly asleep next to you. Already in his fatui attire. "S-scara...Your still here" He ruffly opened his eyes. "Of course id be here dumass.. But i do have to leave in a bit.. Otherwise how else am i gonna get that ginger idiot to take my work for a bit." You we're shocked that he still committed to what he said earlier, You thought he was just speaking to boost you up but scara was serious about it. You gave him a hug. "Im so glad to have you in my life Kuni. I love you."
"My god, my mother, humans. They've all abandoned me. Because I was 'weak. Not good enough.' But now I understand my love, I don't need them. Or what they say... All I need and want is you. I want to wake up to your beautiful smile. I want while I'm away for you to be happy. So please keep trying, not for those that dismiss you like they've done me. But for yourself and me. I believe in and love you. Just the way you are and the person you strive to be. I love your kindness, the way you smiled even when you we're sad on our dango date and wake up everyday even if it's the bare minimum. Dont hide those emotions anymore my love, When your hurt, Fall in my arms. Please stay, don't listen to that old bastard or the pain in your heart. I love you and I will stay with you until the bitter end to pick you up. Just like you always did for me"
Ps: I will be home Early, Tomorow evening most likely. Apparently, childe sees me as his 'best friend' and is willing to help regardless. What a looser. Anyway, I have to prep up for the fatui's grand dinner. I hope you ate today my love, Farewell until then.
-Kunikuzushi.
#genshin smut#genshin headcanons#genshin x you#genshin fluff#genshin scenarios#genshin x y/n#genshin impact#scaramouche smut#scaramouche fluff#scaramouche headcanons#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche x reader#scara x y/n#scara x you#scara x reader#scaramouche#kunikuzushi#kunikizushi
278 notes
·
View notes
Text
the ios app is such a disaster honestly. idk how many posts ive made on here complaining about the performance and overheating issues but i do know that ive tried to tell @staff about them multiple times, both through apple's report an issue thingy in the app store and directly via the tumblr support page. ive been through every troubleshooting step. i cant even tell you how often i reinstalled the app. i have tested it on wifi and cellular, with 5g on and 5g off. its always the same thing. the app draws insane amounts of power whenever it is active/open, even when im not scrolling, and my phone gets warmer and warmer until it eventually shuts down with a temperature warning or gets too hot to hold in my hand
a couple weeks ago i actually upgraded to a new phone (for context: my previous one was only 2 years old, not some ancient underpowered thing, and apart from tumblr i NEVER noticed any performance/temperature issues so i wasn't really looking for an upgrade, i just got a really good offer from my carrier). the tumblr app also makes my (older) ipad overheat, so i already knew that the problem here wasn't a particular device, but given the chance i was ofc curious to see if things would improve with a newer one. they didn't 🤪
anyway i conducted a little informal experiment with the new phone to figure out exactly how bad the problem is. didn't even install the tumblr app when i first set it up, just to see how the phone would perform without buggy software (the answer is really well)
under normal usage the battery lasts for at least two fucking days. texting, playing music, surfing, fucking reading ebooks, watching youtube videos, we're talking like close to 30 hours of screen time on a single charge. SCREEN time, not standby.
on saturday morning, while using the tumblr app (and only the tumblr app), i went from 90% to 50% in TWO AND A HALF HOURS. that is insane.
like not only is it super uncomfortable to hold a piping hot thing made of glass and metal in your hands, im also genuinely concerned about the health of my battery lmao
until a few months ago i had NEVER encountered this problem, not even on my old iphone 8 that sometimes struggled with other apps as well. tumblr always worked fine. idk what they changed or which weird new feature that nobody asked for is responsible for this but something is drawing power like CRAZY and literally FRYING MY HARDWARE.
honestly its like the world's shittiest screen time reminder lmao. after 30 minutes the temperature starts to get uncomfortable and after an hour i literally have to take a break, close the app for 5 minutes and let my phone cool off. WHICH IT DOES BTW. like almost INSTANTLY. idk what else to say except that this seems to be a feature not a bug. in the sense that it happens no matter what i do
lmao sorry this turned into such a long rant. like i said, i already messaged tumblr support about it but this has been going on for months at this point and i am P I S S E D
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have a confession
i love blade (also holy shit hello second blade ssr, goddamn.)
so anyway i just started playing nu: carnival lmfao. I heard of it awhile ago, but at the time had no interest in mobile games. And then I got an ad with like the animated opening and thought 'huh, that's cool. You know what? I'm gonna give it a shot.'
so blah blah blah. anyway the second i saw blade, i knew i loved him. he's my favorite. (ngl his appearance reminds me a lot of floyd leech from twisted wonderland. except brighter. and from the few appearances ive seen of him from going through the current events and reading the wiki page on him a little, he's like. kind of more. innocent?? naive??? uhh. ye.)
so. then i spent the next 9-10 hours grinding up as many of the thingies that you use to wish as i could. because it lasts until the 4th. and i think the timezone's different cuz the other event due on like the 4th too had like '[] hours left'. (i took a nap at one point tho)
so for one. i am very lucky that he was there (what are the chances). and two. holy fucking shit. i fall way too easily to gacha time limits temptations lmfao.
anyway my hands hate me. ive mostly just been replaying chapter battles (ive just finished the fourth now, idk how many there are) to get my level up cause i also wanted to finish reading through the story of the event that was due soon cuz i was stuck since the enemies were too strong. i did tho so yAY. (im probably never going to play the game in such a large quantity though lmfao.)
this just proves i dont have a life. *headbang*.
(anyway this game is 18+. just a warning.)
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Alík happy ending?? Oh my god???? Never knew such words could be spoken into this world…wow. I’m giggling so joyfully at this
hehe!!! tbh shes gone through so much angst she deserves it... !!!
so, gabriela kozlova: you may not know her !! but ive posted some (like, two) art of her on my art blog.. shes a high ranking scientist at the facility, involved in a bit of everything. shes nastyas primary handler, too! sometimes involved with alík, but not all the time. only sometimes, and only ever since alík became an 04. not as close to her as she is to nastya, or even just other 01s and 04s she gets to see on a more regular basis. the some times she does see alík are often when alík's in wolf mode
gabriela doesnt wish bad things to happen to the mutants. she doesnt think they deserve to be killed or smth just bc theyre mutants - shes a mutant herself, after all, and so is her brother (she only has to sleep like 4 hours a day, kozlov doesn't feel pain) - but she does see they hold scientific potential. and, well, science is the whole reason she moved to pafl city from poland city!!
she doesnt see the experiments she performs on the subjects, no matter how brutal, as immoral, cruel, or any kind of evil. she sees them as subjects. theyre living, sure, they breathe, they feel, she knows that. but they hold scientific potential.
she Does also experiment on herself, sorta, by only sleeping 2 hours a day at most ever. her mutation isnt that big tho so she cant all too much. her brother, tho, he lets her inspect him and shit. if he gets a wound he lets her take samples and such. shes patching him up for free, after all, and his only alternative is going to the hospital - and well. they could figure out hes a mutant there, And a stalker. Not Good. also he trusts gabriela
i think kozlov dies in quite a few timelines. theres a bunch of different ways this could play out. he could die in the zone, he could get caught as a mutant and get sent to the facility, he could get killed by a rival stalker gang, he could just do something stupid - the list goes on and on. i Promise this will tie into alíks happy ending. he doesnt care for his safety all that much, is very carefree, and a silly goofy guy! alík and he would get along if they ever met. they're similar in many ways, after all:)
i think that similarity would matter to kozlova so so much, if kozlov died. she'd be sooo sad. tremendous grief. maybe angry? a whole bunch of emotions, too ugly for her to unwrap without her brother, her twin, with her around.
she's not close with alík. but she knows enough about her to project the image of kozlov onto her, esp young kozlov. again, i'll reitarate that kozlova holds a high ranking position - she's not above temnova, or even same rank as her, but she's well respected - and that shes involved in a bit of everything.
"Sheltering mutants and possession of anomalous objects without special governmental permission is illegal." extra emphasis on "special permission" this is from the google doc. what's in it also, though, states that mutants who are deemed too dangerous stay at the facility, and ferrys said before that most ever 02s get released, with 03 releases being even rarer. 01s are too important and 04s are too dangerous.
as we know, alík is an 04.
as we know, alík didn't start out as an 04. she started her stay at the facility as an 03. i dont remember her exact age when she gets it changed, but its lke.. 12? so shes been an 04 for about five years when kozlov dies. if he dies. maybe he just goes missing. idk. wouldnt it be fucked up if he like, died at kozlova's? comes to her bc hes injured and she fails to save him. that could drive her to try and save alík even more
so, i think... kozlova, in this universe, would get more.. intense? protective? she'd spend more time with AT004-212. she'd argue for better living conditions for the subject, that if she gets more free time that her mutation will grow easier to control, if her hypothesis is correct. she argues she can traint the subject. and, bc of her position and connections.. i think she could make it happen. little by little, at least.
and i think alík could get better, yea. i think she could develop a bond with kozlova. shes like Wowww miss youre so nice to me thank you for getting me a bigger room and a better bed and giving me excersicing time:))) and such.. and i think kozlova would eventually realize alík and kozlov aren't that similar, at the core. but i think she'd get too attached to stop at that point. to give up on the subject. or she'd lie to herself idk
so. it might take a year, might take half a year, might take two years - but, i think... kozlova would eventually argue that alíks scientific potential is no more. not much more to do with her... so, let her take the subject home. if she hurts anyone, she'll bear the consequences. if she breaks any law, she'll go to jail too. and i think she knows how to forge some documents:) i thinkshe knows how to lie:)
so i think that's how alík could get legally free. well. she'd probably be legally 'owned' by kozlova, but ahh technicalities. theres still the societys great . um. uh. hate? for lack of a better word. or fear. of mutants, and since alíks such a visible one.. maybe she'd wear a collar with a nameplate or smth to signify shes allowed out
i dont think it'd be easy for either of them. but i think she'd be happy. she'd have someone that loves her! that sees her as not human, sees what she is, and accepts it! she'd have a home, food, a whole city to explore.. itd be hard adjusting, and even harder not going wolf mode all the time.
maybe there'd have to be monthly reports, even. who knows? all i know is kozlova can forge and fake, and ithink if she really had to, she'd forge alíks death.
and i think alík would be happy. and i think kozlova would be, too. and i think she'd learn to overcome kozlovs death with alík. maybe. she'd accept it. and i think it gets better:)
andddddd i also i think alík would go by ája. as we know, alík is the nickname the scientists gave to her. so i think... as a treat, ája would give herself a new name:) to symbolise shes her own (as much as she can be..) wolf, that shes no longer a subject, that she can decide things for herself. i think she'd be happy:)
(you can refer to her as alík, ája, at, whatever you want! all are a-ok)
heres a filterless version of the alík art
#alikcore#nonymous#gabrielacore#kozlov#unsure if hes just kozlov like volkov or kozlovcore...#kozlovcore#ill figure it out later#ur getting ALÍK'D TODAY
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Follow up to this post, where I started cataloging my Final Fantasy journey.
Crisis Core
I watched a playthrough back in high school cuz I thought Zack was cool as shit and I loved the theme music, but I never actually played it. But since I finally played 7, I knew I had to follow it up with this, and I went with the Reunion remake since I heard the combat is a lot better. Which I guess it is? I can't compare it to the original since I never played it, but the combat here was real fun and snappy -- I spent hours just doing side missions. And of course the story was as good as I remember it. Only downside is Zack's new actor is nowhere near as good as his original, and that really brings it down a tad. But it still doesn't kick Zack out of my "Top 5 FF characters" list. Also, I always liked Genesis, which I guess a lot of people don't? But I think he's just so funny. Like he actually stops his mission to kill Hojo or whatever to info-dump Loveless lore on everyone in the room. Dude's so weird, I hope he's in the remake trilogy. I think a 8/10 is fair.
Final Fantasy IV
Took me a bit to finish this one since stuff got in the way. Not really much to say about this one, though, I guess. The story was good, and some areas and events were cool (like the giant robot thing), with lots of characters who show up and do their thing then leave. Cecil is pretty cool, Kain sure is a guy, and I like Rydia a decent amount. Love how that dude Edge is just straight up called Edge though lmao -- I imagined him having a sort of Johnny Bravo/Might Guy voice, which really elevated his character in my head. But otherwise, the whole game was a pretty standard affair. I kinda thought the vehicle stuff was pretty interesting -- like how you had to use the hoverboat, to get to the ship, to get to the better ship, etc. That was neat in its own way. Fuck the final boss, though, that shit felt unfair. 6/10, I guess? Definitely the mainline FF I've been least into so far, but it's still nowhere a "bad" game.
Final Fantasy XII
I heard this was one divisive, but I don't see how? Like, this was really good. I did hear the original release was pretty bad compared to the Zodiac version I was playing, which made me think...... Between 12's initial release, 14's initial release, and 15's initial release...is 16 the first mainline game in over a decade that came out completely fine without needing an overhauled re-release or oodles of DLC to smooth things over in some way?? (I haven't played 13 yet, so that may have been fine upon release.) Anyway, to speak of the game itself, the License Board and Gambit System was really interesting and I kinda hope they bring it back in some way in the future, cuz I love tedious grindy stuff like that where you slowly fill up an ability grid (reminded me of the Sphere Grid, kinda). And the story -- while sometimes feeling really overwhelming with the amount of terms and names I had to memorize -- was well structured and I like how everyone's stories wrapped up by the end. Vaan is truly not a protagonist though, is he? lol. If anything, Ashe was the main character of this story, which I did kinda fuck with, even if she's not one of my favorite characters from the game. Also, I loved how many areas and differing locales we went to on the journey. I wasn't expecting such an array of distinct and visually engaging locations. One thing, though...why did half the voice over audio sound like it was being recorded through a soup can? It was so weirdly mixed. Like, you get used to it, but what happened?? Anyway, as a FF14 fan I though it was neat to see where all the Ivalice inspiration came from, and overall the game was really enjoyable to play. I've definitely not scratched the surface when it comes to the optional content, like Espers or whatever, but idk if I'll ever have the time to complete all that anyway. But for the main game itself, definitely a solid 8/10. Maybe even an 8.5.
Not sure what to do next, maybe try V once it goes on sale. Or probably just jump into Remake and Rebirth.
0 notes
Text
Saturday-long run-
My runs are getting longer and taking more time. An hour - i was running about 35 minutes. my music still will not play when im running. ive tried to figure it out to no avail. it's so frustrating. i'm left alone with my thoughts. my breathing- my shoe was making a weird noise today- and i had to blow my nose on a leaf... i forgot tissues again. i checked the temp before i headed out and it was 35-- warm.. hahahaha.. 45 is hot. 20's cold.. i thought of my uncle chuck today and how when i was little her taught me the right way to paint my finger nails. that was the type of kid i was- i didnt ask how to do things.. i just did them and figured it out.. from a very young age. there was no one paying much attention to me. my mom always said children should be seen and not heard.. i dont even think they saw me. i was a good kid.. i dont even know if my uncle chuck is still alive. i wish i cold thank him.. for seeing me and teaching me how to paint my nails.
i spent some time with Mads today. always a good time.. mostly always. she likes working 3rd shift.. so far.. next week will be the real test as she is scheduled like really overnight. i'm glad she is happy.. but ughh.. i feel better knowing she is home,safe with me at night. i really do not like her out all night. she said the people are weird. i am done Christmas shopping and looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow and Monday- i'm working a few hours on xmas. today was a good day. i feel blessed- happy - peaceful- my car is acting weird again.. months and months of it running good and today the dash decides to light up. madison said something about aunt paula.. we started taking about paula and how she basically hated kevin.. i was telling madison how it was normalized- the brothers being assholes was normal.. ohh thats just the way they are.. im convinced paula is an abused person. without a doubt.. it brings up a lot of things for me. once you see the truth you cant unsee it- how is it that i spent over 20 years with someone and knew nothing about him. i dont think there is much to know- he was and is just a shell of a human. nothing real to get to know- he of course knew nothing about me- his made up version of who i was/am.. bipolar like her mother. i can hear him say it. i have come to terms with my role in michael and meghan's life. i'm sure there will be a time when the pain of what is brings me to my knees- again.. i dont know much about anything but i do know that the pain does stop and i am able to find my peace again. acceptance- how many times in my life have i wanted things to be different how many times? ive spend decades wishing things were different- things are the way they are. i think of madison and how she has handled things. i know it hurts her. i'm proud of how she's handled herself and the pain she feels. i hope Michael and Meghan can heal themselves and live with the decisions they have made. how can 1 man cause so much damage to so many people? if i didnt live it i wouldnt believe it.
Madisons friend was telling me how her family has needed a kitchen table for years. I told her that someday htey would get a kitchen table- it takes time- i waited over 20 years for a dining room table. sometimes it take time. I feel bad for her friend. its just a bad situation. the mom doesnt food shop.. there is never any food in the house. maddy's friend had to have her hours cut at work because her mom would get less welfare. how is anyone supposed to better themselves? an uphill battle for a young girl that already has years of trauma behind her. i thought about x today more than i have in a long long while.. maybe because of the conversations i had wiht madison.. he actually told my children i was a sex addict.. i wanted to have sex with my husband.. who the fuck tells their children that. its difficult to not blame yourself when the person you're married to doesnt want to have sex with you. there must be something wrong with me..
someday.. someday.. he will get what he deserves.. eventually, we all do.. tomorrow... run.. i need new sneakers. i'm running longer and my feet are swelling up. i'm not sure-i'm hoping its normal.. i'm gonna need to do something. i dont think ill be running 13 miles by spring. i finally figured out how to use my fitbit.. to actually track my run. hopefully i'll remember to use it tomorrow. i'm excited for tomorrow- tomorrow feels like Christmas to me. i heard someone say my name at work.. i actually said who called my name.. no one..
one of my co workers gave me a bottle of wine.. i gave it away. my mom asked me if i wanted a bottle of champagne wiht out even thinking i said no Mom i dont drink. she said oh good.. i do worry that in the dating world not drinking can be seen as a red flag.. i'm not dating but if i was.. if someone does think not drinking is a red flag,i guess they arent my person.. alcohol is actual poison.. i think not working out it a red flag so there's that.
0 notes
Text
should i be getting rid of his stuff?? somehow i feel his energy is around me if i keep it. i can feel his presence all the time. like im lowkey obsessing over the thought/idea of him. its understandable and im not upset over it, he was genuinely the best i ever had. ive said this multiple times now. its not a huge deal, cause its only up from here. and he wont be the best forever. but like its a shift. a positive shift in my standards for men.
ive always said i need to experience things to really learn and the consequence of a mistake leaves me with the gift of wisdom and knowledge. so ill never regret it. but yeah... im done. so i should probably get rid of his stuff?
its crazy how much energy can stick. its literally like something is compelling me to attach to him. something so addictive and hard to resist? like almost like magic? its strange. i only knew this man so briefly and im completely sucked in. like no one ive ever experienced before.
maybe its BECAUSE it was so brief that im so addicted? it was so long ago but i cant forget. everything is so incredibly vivid in my memory. it was so exciting, like being with him was so magnetic and our energies literally bounced off eachother. like what? was that lovebombing ? it felt so real and unlike something ive had with someone.... actually, i did with my ex. i think something like it. could it be something in me changed? no. he brought that side out in me. but not many guys can...
hmm. im starting to rethink ghosting him so soon. but he was ignoring me for days! no. hes not the idea you have of him. he switched up. no grown man does that to a girl he cares about. also, hes all of 24 and doesnt know that being that kind of guy is so fucking cringe and going to leave you single for longer??? but then i come back around to my main, anxious, pointless idea - maybe he never intended to be in a relationship, and had some desire to know (insecure?) that i WOULD be in a relationship with him, and after achieving getting me to come around - manipulating me? playing me - just lost interest? textbook time waster. and then that brings me to the idea that what kind of person finds satisfaction in that? like how mentally ill can you be?? then i feel bad for him. cause thats so sad...
im literally so happy and abundant and radiant on my own, that i think guys think using their usual tactics and playing games somehow works in claiming that energy for themself. the reality is, they'll feel it for a split second, and once i leave, theyll never forget how they fumbled the most authentic person theyll probably ever meet or have the privilege of knowing. you cant steal my personality and my energy for yourself. i am smarter than that now. i know im an earth angel and my energy is so precious for the people who do matter.
you hurt me but youre only helping me in calling in the next lesson in for my growth.
okay i went on a stoned tangent there.
another interesting thing about this situation is the typical flashbacks to my ex that i get after a failed relationship. its really unlikely hed still have the exact same personality as the guy i dated, but the way we connected at the time still feels very profound and unlike any relationship i have had since. like pivotal in my development.
my heart was fully open and i was all in with him. and he was with me. like... thats crazy. and the way we'd be playful with eachother... it was amazing.
and then i meet this guy, and in one hour he has established that comfortable, flirty, playful banter between us so authentically. and by the next morning he made me feel comfortable enough to do the most crazy things in bed with him. reading that back sounds like a red flag. i dont know. it was fun.
maybe i need to consider why the fuck i am so attracted to toxicity, if that is the case and i just happened to ignore a billion red flags. i need to debrief with chloe to find out if this is true.
its not a redflag! it was fun. it was everything i needed it to be. it was everything that happened after we separated that was the red flag. im kind of just glad he was normal while we were together so i could enjoy the fun of it.
this has been a riveting, worthwhile experience.
one of my core memories is watching a late night movie as a child on a random channel where a writer was cheating on her husband with another married couple where there was a specific scene of the other man upset at her because writers care about experiences/their writing more than other people.
ever since that day... i feel like thats been central in my life. i really just was to be confident and comfortable in myself enough to do anything that will thicken the plot, or give me more understanding about life. any crazy thing. any rebellious thing. anything that might be disapproved of. because i can.
i did it because i could and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. and it ended up being a once in a lifetime experience. and im glad it gets to stay perfect in its little bubble of one random weekend at the end of spring...
anyways. fucking hell girl. GIRL , MOVE ON!!!! in my sassy mans words, move on.
0 notes
Text
That time again: things i have overheard at the dive bar i work at!
——
P1: Girl, it is freezing only wearing a sports bra
P2: Well if its any consolation you look great
P1 buying and putting on a bar shirt: Well youre gunna have to pay to see it again
——
P1: im sticking to you over here
P2 just minding his own business and zoning out: huh sure
P1 proceeds to talk his ear off for the better part of an hour: if i knew my phone number i would give it to you. Wait have my facebook!
P1 leaves
Me: you got a girlfriend
P2: a stripper girlfriend at that. Ima send her a friends request
Me: shes going to block you
— the next day —
P2: my stripper girlfriend declined my friend request
——
P1: that guy looks like a lumberjack
P2: and the girl hes with looks uncomfortable
P1 starts narrating whats happening
P2: shh wish.com lumberjack is going to hear you
——
P: well time to leave and never return
Me: why?
P: do you hear whos singing outside? Shes blowing us all away!
——
P1 and i singing a duet for karaoke
P2 at the end: fuck you guys. I have to follow that?
Me: good luck
Heading inside with a crowd of people
P2: and you took everyone with you
P1: well yeah cause you suck
——
P1: we brought the guy that pissed in the parking lot
P2: im sorry for that i really had to go
Me: we just wanted to throw our trash away
——
P: i need more pool shooty fluid
Me: what?
P *waves beer bottle*
——
P1: i call interference!
Owner: youre calling interderence on a pool game?
P2: we are
Me: we need to red flag this play
O: run it again. Too many defenders
P1: the felts too lose
——
P1 after p2 just fumbled a pool shot: you should get the batteries checked in that thing
——
P *reads bar riddles*: ITS COKE!
Me: its is not coke
P: its coke to me
——
P1: durring covid the bathroom was so clean that you could do a line off the toilet paper dispencer
P2 to me: what happened? The bathrooms are gross now
Me: we got tired of cleaning drugs up
——
Me: if you dont live here, work here, or sleep with someone that works here it is time to go
P: marry me!
——
Me: its [closing time] you dont have to go home, but you cant stay here
P1: thats from a song right? What song is it
P2: its closing time
P1: i know, but this song is bugging me
P2 sighs and drags p1 away
——
P1: hey [me]
Me: yeah
P1: why arnt you wearing your ring?
Me: my ring?
P1: yeah the one i proposed with-i never gave it to you!
P2: you forgot to give her a ring?
——
P1: crazy? If there is a crazy in [town] i probably have her number
P2: how?
P1: cause im a slut
——
O: if a cop comes in, we were here the whole time
Me: ok
P2 coming up behind her: we broke like every law!
——
P1: can we change the channel from the naked people?
P2: please do ive seen to many ass shots to be comfortable
——
P1 and i watching tv
Me: they just made whiskey out of milk
P1: thats one famous cow
P1 and i make sounds of disgust
P2: whats going on over there
P1: milk whiskey
——
P1: do you want another beer?
P2: only if [me] comes and rubs her boobs against me
Me: is that how this is going to go?
——
P: hows your day?
Me: well im here
P: upright and breathing
Me: not crying
——
Me to other bartender: you should read the com log theres some hot goss inside
P: am i in there?
Me: no even worse you in the [liquor commission] log
——
P1: [me] can you help? The balls didnt drop
Owner slightly tipsy walks up and kicks the table causing the balls to drop
P2: shes magic!
——
P1: going to go home and lay in bed
Me: that sounds like youre sharing a bed
P1 laughing: it does
P2: you got to watch what you say around here. People are gunna think we share a bed
P1: what do you mean? We do
——
Many many more but this post is getting long
0 notes
Text
july fucking 31st
it's 2 am
after the show i said fuck all of THIS
and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy
and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started.
but anyways thats a write up for another day.
im just going to talk about something specific that happened today..
im so pissed, and heartbroken.
CONTEXT
in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl.
the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out,
and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone,
and it's really nice.
i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me.
and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that.
fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away.
i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all.
and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided.
I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all.
not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context.
THE REAL STORY
so it's july 2023
i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings.
we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck.
during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that.
i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life
because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.
so i need to tell her asap.
i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.
because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.
TODAY
she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings??
anyways,
i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..
NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..
we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them!
she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke.
WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc
but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her.
she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that.
someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--
THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS
I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)??
LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES??
.....WHAT THE FUCK...
im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb.
she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again.
what the fuck.
im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..
but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her
so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for .
she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care.
i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me.
that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay.
anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore.
i really hope she lets me see her man.
i just want to let her know how special she is to me.
it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything.
and maybe she'll share something loving as well
maybe
0 notes
Text
One more thing… How DARE you get mad at me for asking obvious questions, (feeling like my gut is telling me something) and CONTINUE trying to make me think I’m crazy, when YOU KNOW YOUVE BEEN LYING TO ME FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS!!!!
You’ve been hiding your lies by trying to turn all of my questions, insecurities, and boundaries around on me, while simultaneously playing the victim online to God knows how many people.
How many woman do you have believing you and feeling sorry for you? How many woman are you future faking online with just to get their attention?!? You gave yourself away, and I don’t know if you meant to or not but I finally solved the puzzle.
My third eye finally led me to the truth. At least now I know I can trust MYSELF. Ive realized that you’re incapable of feeling guilt, shame, or remorse . You need people there feeding your soul because you don’t love yourself. I should’ve known that you couldn’t possibly love me.
Maybe you were afraid that I would come between your online romances or friendships. All I wanted was for you to respect me by being open and honest with me. You refused to do that. It wasn’t much of an odd request coming from a woman who had just gotten out of a 14 year marriage due to him being unfaithful. You knew that. I told you how I felt from day one and instead of backing off, you continued on doing you. You just tried to be really good at hiding it. It may have taken me two and a half years to finally uncover the truth, but like I said, I gave you chance after chance to be honest. Instead, you run off and make me look like a crazy ex to God knows how many people.
You lied to me and made me feel like I could count on my best friend. You told me you loved me. You said you loved my kids. But just as soon as I would start to believe you, you’d rip the rug out from underneath my feet.
You’d block me and ghost me for hours or a day and then you’d start calling, texting, emailing, or showing up to be confrontational and abusive. You took things that belonged to me, destroyed my property, coerced and threatened me into giving you money…
Then you would come back and love bomb me. You would future fake anything you could to weasel and lie your way back in. All to feed your own ego.
And every time you put me down and left me looking at your headlights, I felt like you had someone else in your ear. Someone else giving you their one sided opinion based off of half truths.
But you’d always lie and tell me “You won’t let me have any friends and you won’t let me see my family” To which I would reply, “What?!? I have NEVER EVER said you can’t have any friends!!! I told you I have trust issues and all I asked if you was for YOU TO BE HONEST! I’ve NEVER kept you from your family! They all hate me because of your bath mouthing half truths and one text message I sent them, letting them know how grateful I was for their kindness and hospitality. I did slip into that text that things have been bad between you and me and that I was sorry to be walking out of their lives, but my ex doesn’t even want my kids around Matt”
I was only being HONEST: An important trait that you do not possess.
No wonder you always accused ME of being a liar!!! I KNEW you were abusing me. I’m the one who spent and continue to spend hours upon hours learning more and more about abuse and NPD. I should’ve taken my own advice waaaay back when I figured it out. But I didn’t want to believe that you were lying to me. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared to believe that all the superficial arguments we had were all stemmed from your own dishonesty. I fucking knew it all along but I didn’t want to accept that our entire situationship has all been a lie.
Do you feel good about yourself? You’ve destroyed me. But I will work through this. I will never trust again, but I will make it out with my head held high, knowing that I wasn’t living a lie.
In this relationship I KNEW all of these ridiculous fights were NOT just my fault. You were future faking, lying to me, making me feel like you had my back… then splitting into a man who hated my guts in the blink of an eye, you never hesitated to be done with me, yet you really didn’t do much to absolve the problem at hand whenever you’d make your way back… Yet you wouldn’t just tell me that your friendships were more important than me. You lied to me. Day in, day out. You called ME a liar. You had cameras in MY house. You went through MY phone without my permission, yet you won’t even let me ASK to look through the pictures on your phone without dumping me. That feeling was there Christmas Eve. It was there the nights you would video tape me reacting to you egging me on. The night you ripped apart my house and threw my plant across the room.
Why? Why did you think it was okay to tell me you were going to kill yourself because of me? You would really be okay knowing you’ve been hiding another life behind my back. You’ve been lying to me from day one. All I wanted was your honesty. I’ve never spent more time with any one person than I did with you. I thought I meant more to you then some online “friends”, but I guess I was wrong.
God damnit. Why? Why did you break me like this? This isn’t okay to do to someone you know you were fooling. Especially after I tried and tried and tried to get my kids to like you. Every fucking time my kids told me I chose you over them they were right. I got fooled into thinking you were with me, on my team. You convinced me that you weren’t lying or hiding anything from me.
I would have been understanding (depending on what your topics of conversations are with your friends- you know the golden rule) and if you weren’t having inappropriate “friendships” then you wouldn’t have had to hide it. You never would’ve lied if I was all you needed and wanted.
You also stole from me again when you left in the middle of the night. After lying to me and wasting my time, you steal from me. You really are a bad person. Karma is a bitch. You were my karma. Can’t wait for you to get yours.
0 notes
Text
How does one simply reflect from love bombing? How do I see past the bullshit? When are you ever change? How do you feel okay leaving me soulless? Ruining my mood on important days. My dad's birthday. My birthday. Mother's day. Yesterday. Me crying about my mom when she had cancer. You found a way to make it about yourself. You found a reason to be in a bad mood. You toxicity is filling and influencing everyone in this home. Why can't I think about every single thing you said that was completely horrible and just LEAVE? You've said alot of horrible things to me. You makr me feel horrible by bringing up my past, my past when we weren't even together, was never thought of. You slut shame me when you've slept with alot of people. But it's different cause I'm a girl right!? (Sarcasm) You say things like "I'm not gonna lie about -"
And it's thing you should've kept to yourself like
1. You check our girls asses out for a second.
2. You complaining about my food.
"What, do you want me to lie???"
Just about things like that I'd rather not know.
You bring up one specific thing how I betrayed you, something that happened 10 years ago. We was in talking stag, but we wasn't dating. I had one night stand. A drunken one. I shouldn't of lied. But I figured you wouldn't want to date me if you knew. I heard things from your close resources that you was just playing me so I felt hurt. I shouldn't have had a one night stand. It wasn't worth it. You claim it was cheating but we wasn't even together. You hold that against me, still. You remind me how of a piece of shit I am. You made me literally delete facebook, the one thing as a stay at home wife has for commutation. You say if this never happened, we would have friends. We would have social media. You blame all of those things because of one thing ive done. I've cried and apologize and pour my heart out how sorry i am. You don't care. We still have this same fight about a guy who is a nobody to me. I have changed so much. My old skin has shed. I do everything to make you happy. I have became the house wife while you work so you don't have worry about responsibilities here. And yet, it's not good enough. But you don't even bother helping with anything anyways. Guess you just see me as your sex maid slave. You can't even flush the fucking toilet when you piss. Yet you're "getting a little tired of the laziness" you said that because I was really sick and sitting on the couch. But you haven't even mowed the grass in a month. You was off for two weeks for work. You didn't do a single fucking thing but sit there. I love seeing you happy and relax. I love having lazy days with you. But you can't be a hypocrite. I am going crazy.
I just hate how everything reminds me of you. Being together for 9 years. We've made a lot of great memories. A lot of songs we claimed that are ours. We've watched and binged so many shows together. Spent hours playing games together. Made a family. We traveled. We've had a lot of adventures and experiences. We've laughed until we cried. We both made each other feel so special. Date nights and backrubs. I love you so fucking much but you're destroying me. You will make me feel like shit by yelling at me and how I did something wrong, you stonewall me, tell me you need space, because I finally stood my ground, civily. Then I spend the next hour crying because you're mad at me. My mood is ruined... then 2 hours later you trying to hug me, love on me. Flirt with me. I am having a hard time deciding what my life truly needs. I imagine a life without you, there's a good side where I'm free, I am able to do what you don't allow. Then the bad side where I miss you so fucking much it hurts. I can't bring myself to leave you. It would ruin me to see you with another. I just want your goodside.
0 notes
Text
the way we heal | jj maybank
- pairings: jj maybank x reader
- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take
- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse
- wc: 2.2k :))))
a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors
People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.
See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.
This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.
The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.
Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.
However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.
But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.
Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.
So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.
About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.
At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.
Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.
“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.
“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.
“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.
“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken
“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.
JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.
“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.
“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.
“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.
“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”
“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.
“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed
“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words
“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.
“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”
“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished
“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”
“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.
“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.
“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.
“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air
“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”
Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.
You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.
#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank#outerbanks#outerbanks fanfic#obx#outerbanks season 2#jj maybank imagine
232 notes
·
View notes
Text
mess that you wanted % doyoung
pairing: idolbf!doyoung x reader
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 1.5k words
requested: yes
synopsis: both tired from your work; doyoung busy being an idol and you busy preparing for your company’s big presentation the two of you started arguing over the smallest things.
warnings: one or two curse words idk, mentions of passing out due to starving, mentions of being hospitalized.
"you don't understand how i feel!" you shout as the argument between you and your boyfriend escalates. it all started when he asked you to eat before him and his members go for a schedule.
he tried to calm himself down before speaking, "y/n, how am i supposed to know what you feel if you won't tell me what the problem is?"
you glared at him, knowing damn well that you aren't able to tell him what the problem is because he was barely by your side. it's not like you're expecting much from doyoung, you know that he's busy being an artist.
but all you ever ask is for him to be there to listen to you like the way you listen to him whenever he tells you about the rude encounters he had backstage and how his day simply went.
"tell me what's up?" he asked as he cupped your cheeks, you were about to speak when you saw a head peeking at the door, "doyoung hyung." haechan called.
you both looked at him, "sorry, noona. but we have to go now." he smiled a little before heading out.
"tell me." doyoung continued to ask, "doyoung, you guys need to go." you told him, knowing that this isn't the right time to talk about the imperfections of your relationship.
"please-" he wasn't even done pleading but you cut him off, "doyoung!"
you started to feel bad as you see the shock in his eyes, "you should go." you said, trying not to speak with a shaking voice. he even hesitated to go until some of the members shout his name.
"can we talk about this later?" he asked, you harshly closed his eyes trying not to shout at him again, "doyoung, i'm kinda tired. i don't think i can keep waiting."
"please?" he plead with his eyes, the shouts from outside the door began to get louder, "just go." you insisted before removing his hands that had been holding yours for a long time now.
left with nothing, doyoung began to walk out of the room. still with care in his eyes as he closes the door.
once you heard the engine of their van start, you started to pack your things as fast as you could. because staying in here wouldn't help you unwind and calm down. you might even end up breaking some things that you don't want to break if you'll stay here.
you walked your way to the bus stop trying your best not to get caught by anyone while you walk out of their dorm. you don't even have enough energy to hide, but you tried to understand that once the media sees that there is a girl leaving NCT 127's dorm, they would make a big fucking fuss out of nothing.
as you sat on the bench, you started rummaging through your bag, trying to get your wallet. but once you put your hand inside, you knew that you left your laptop in their dorms. even though you wouldn't want to go back, there are important files there. you didn't work your ass off the whole week for your presentation just for it to be left there in the dorms.
with bottled emotions all you wanted to do was scream and curse the hell out of the world, but instead of doing that you just quietly walked your way back to the dorm. and your day couldn't go any worse, as it started pouring heavy rain and you don't even have an umbrella with you.
the instant that you opened the door to open the dorms, you felt an unexplainable ache in your head. the ceiling started getting shaky, but you ignored it and focused on getting your laptop. but even before reaching the table, the shaky living room began to turn black. and you fell on the floor, cold and alone.
on the other hand, doyoung and the other members started getting ready for a radio show but there is this feeling that can't keep doyoung calm. so taeyong tried to help him, "it's okay you guys will be okay."
"i know." he sighed, "we have to be."
"it will get better. i mean, both of you fought a lot but look, you're still together after all these years." taeyong tapped his shoulder.
he just kep quietly nodding while taeyong tries to cheer him up, "taeyong?" he called out, johnny stopped talking and just looked at him, "can i ask you a favor?"
"anything i can do." taeyong offers.
doyoung grabbed his phone and wallet, "can you make up an excuse for me? i have to go back to the dorms." he asked, "just say that my stomach felt a little upset or something."
taeyong nodded, "anything for you." he gave doyoung his car keys and the man rushed out the building, trying to get as little attention that he can get. he started driving fast back to the dorm that even flash himself is humiliated.
as soon as he arrived, he rushed inside. and there, he saw you there laying on the floor soulless. "y/n!" he shout at an instant, he tried to wake you up but you wont. so when he sees you breathing, he carried you into the car and hurried to the hospital.
a minute to an hour passed, but as every second go doyoung grows more worried and impatient. he thought to himself; if only he wasn't so busy and had time to be there for you, none of this would have happened.
"guardian for patient lee y/n?" the nurse called, so doyoung immediately stood up. "she's currently in room 301, her doctor will tell you the details about her condition." she said before going, so doyoung ran as fast as he could to see you.
but since it is considered that today isn't your luckiest day, the elevators are taking too much time to reach his floor and he doesn't have enough time to wait for that. so he just climbed through the stairs.
and when he reached your room, he was barely breathing and hardly sweating. "sir, are you okay?" the doctor worriedly asked. doyoung nodded, "i'm fine, i just climbed using the stairs." he said.
"how is she?" the doctor answered, "she's fine. we just saw that she lacks some nutrients and was heavily dehydrated. but she will be okay, we put her on iv and prescribed her some vitamins that she can take."
with that said, doyoung was able to breathe properly. "she was also cold due to the weather, but again, she will be fine." he said. "no need to worry that much, just make sure that she wouldn't skip any meal and that she takes enough fluid." after asking some questions, the doctor goes out of the room.
doyoung kissed your hand that he has been holding this whole time while he waits for you to wake up, "doyoung?" when he heard you call him with your weak voice, his eyes started to water.
"y/n." you're confusedly looking around, "why are we here?" you asked, while he patiently answers your question you started to feel bad.
"i'm sorry." he apologized, "this wouldn't have happened if i was a better boyfriend."
you shook your head no, "i disagree. i should be the one who should apologize, if only i listened to you. if only i ate more, this would never happen. but i was stubborn."
"no-" he was about to say something when taeyong barged inside, "okay stop with all the apologizing." he said followed by the rest of the members. "you guys should apologize to me! my new car is all wet now." he jokingly said.
"you lent it to me, and now you're angry?" doyoung argued in a joking manner. they continued to bicker the whole night you were there.
when you told doyoung that you're ready for a relationship, you have never pictured hanging out with his famous celebrity friends. not even the thought of them being there while you're resting on a hospital bed.
"okay! all of you can go now. y/n needs to rest." doyoung shoo his friends out the room. "goodbye y/n!" they said, so i waved my hand at them, "take care! eat the fruits we bought!" you hear johnny shout before doyoung shuts the door.
"sorry. i texted them earlier because i was so nervous." he said, "it's fine, they're fun to be with after all."
"yeah yeah, but no one compares to me, right?" he sked as the two of you sandwiched in the tine hospital bed. you smiled at him, "of course." then plant a quick kiss on his lips. "now, leave me alone." you said and rest your head on his chest.
"sleep tight, love." he said while he plays with your hair.
being a busy man's girlfirend it isn't the best. but you could say that having doyoung as your boyfriend isn't the worst. as he is more than just the doyoung who sings, but he's also the doyoung who thought you many things and helped you throughout anything. you were a mess but he still made you feel wanted.
#nct#nct imagines#fluff#angst#nct fluff#nct angst#nct x reader#nct doyoung#doyoung x reader#doyoung imagines#doyoung fluff#doyoung angst#idolbf doyoung#postalenha delivery#doyoung smut#smut#nct 127#taeyong#johnny#haechan#jaehyun#taeyong imagines#dotae#johnny imagines#jaehyun imagines#haechan imagines#nct 127 x reader#female reader
220 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
