#I've been told I'm argumentative my entire life
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AITA for telling my dad to let out his emotions?
(cw: this entire post is about animal death)
Long story short, my dad (58M) has wanted a dog for decades. My mom (54F) has been refusing a dog for all 25 years they've been together. A few years ago, she finally agreed to get a puppy, and my dad was more excited than I've ever seen him be for anything.
Our dog passed away from a tumor a few months ago. He wasn't even three years old. This practically destroyed all of us, especially my dad, since he'd fought so hard for a dog for years. On top of that, he hasn't had much of a chance to let out his emotions since my mom keeps stopping him, and also making it worse.
A couple of weeks ago, on the way home from a party, something reminded my dad of the dog, and he started to cry in the car. We all comforted him, but after a few minutes my mom rolled her eyes and told him to stop crying. When we got home, my dad apologized for getting emotional. I (18M) told him he didn't have to apologize, since crying in grief is a completely normal thing to do. My mom told me I shouldn't say that, since he would just "wallow in his sadness all night" and it was better to just tell him not to do that.
I was baffled by this. I realized that she wasn't trying to make him feel better, she just didn't want to deal with him crying anymore. (I also recently noticed that she does the same thing to my sister (14F) and I.) Apparently this has been going on for pretty much their entire marriage of ~20 years.
On top of all of that, my mom brings up the topic of our dog and his death to people at Every. Single. Opportunity. And it always makes the rest of us feel like shit. She ordered a custom portrait of our dog as a Father's Day present for my dad. When I implied that this might be a bad idea, she said "So you hate it. Great." She also wants another dog exactly like our old one, despite the fact that he was a purebred, and had some health problems because of it. At this point, she wouldn't shock me if she said she wanted to clone the poor dog.
My dad has struggled with depression for years. He lived a very difficult life growing up, and was basically taught that showing sadness or fear was weak. Throughout my life, though, he's always made sure to tell my sister and I that he never wants us to have to bottle up how we feel and that the "boys don't cry" attitude is stupid.
So you can imagine my surprise when I tried to comfort him earlier tonight and he said "No, no, I'm fine. Boys don't cry. Don't worry about me." After that, my parents got into an argument about my mom telling my dad that he needs to "move past this".
TLDR: My mom keeps doing things that remind my dad of our dead dog, but then when he gets overwhelmed and starts crying she tells him to stop because she doesn't want to deal with his crying. AITA for telling my dad that she's wrong?
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Has anyone else just been having the most frustrating start to the year or... just me? I'm also laughing at how my stupid Fitbit is like "hey, you seem stressed" bc of my resting heart rate being higher than it usually is. It also seems it stopped logging my sleep at 3am last night so apparently I astral projected?
I'm finding that a recurring theme in my life is that everything has to be an issue. Nothing is easily solved. I want it to be solved easily, without consequence, but it rarely ever goes that way. Call the police on my asshat neighbors whose large breed dog that barks excessively and escapes constantly bc their door doesn't lock. The dog was loose in the front yard, no one was home, it was barking and barking for over 45 minutes (it's 9:45pm). Police respond and animal control puts the dog back in the house, which it escaped from even though I am yelling to the guy not to do that. I have to fight them to listen to me, my neighbor comes outside and echos what I'm saying. They were expecting me to just deal with it and let them walk away. Even after they shoved the dog back in the house it was barking and barking and wouldn't stop.
My son's Spanish teacher is a being a douche and is refusing to give him any credit on an assignment he did in class that she claims he used a translator for (without proof). I've been trying to ask her politely for weeks to please provide me with reasoning why he should be penalized with a zero for something he turned in. She can not provide proof, ignores my emails. Then I escalated it to her superiors. My son told me he didn't use a translator and instead used notes from some of his friends in the class. She refuses to give him any credit despite the fact that she can offer no physical proof of his "cheating". She could also just drop the grade from his grade book entirely. Strange hill to die on, but if she wants to throw herself down on it, I can as well. I freely admit my son has earned his fair share of bad grades but penalizing someone for something they actually did do and tried on? She responded to me with some curt email initially about how he "signed a contract" in the beginning of the year and I was so annoyed by her response I told her "a minor signing a 'contract' without a guardian present to witness it is not binding & is of no consequence to me".
People truly do expect you to give up and walk away when they push back. Especially if they want to be lazy. But unfortunately, for them (AND for myself, let's be real), I have no concept of giving up on anything that I see a rightful cause so I will go to battle over it. Is it a good thing? Maybe. Maybe not. This is the way I am. It is unlikely to change any time soon.
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not to be morbid on main but my life is so strange every day i'm fighting with my inner suicidal child trying to convince her to stay alive out of spite for our enemies
#this entire year i've been forced to relive past trauma -> which i'd been able to finally process but it doesn't involve just me#so basically i processed it but my family hasn't and they keep putting the blame on me for everything and guilting me for it#even though i was a literal child. in short the fact that i ''acted out'' by running away from abusive situations was and still is worse#than the actual abusive situations i was put in. as a child.#so like... i can forgive and understand and empathize with my past self at last (instead of feeling suicidal like i did for years)#but if nobody else in my close family circle does then i have to essentially stay strong and remind myself that they're wrong#point is that when i was 11-12 i would react to the emotional and physical abuse by basically putting myself in dangerous situations#and attempting suicide a couple of times lmao. staring at the train tracks every other day#because the fact that they beat me was NORMAL for me (my mom told me that i was 2 the first time my dad hit me)#and they were acting like i was (i quote) ''bipolar'' and mentally ill and acting out out of nowhere and i couldn't fully understand why#i was doing certain things at the time. so i put the entirety of the ''blame'' on myself. and later on my mom would make me feel guilty#about it for a decade to win arguments -> which almost every time start with her gaslighting me until i start crying and yelling so then she#can call me crazy. and she can make ME feel crazy so i won't take her accountable. so she avoids taking responsibility for her actions (past#and present). i finally realized this when i told her that one of the most traumatic events of my life was when she found some smoking#filters in my drawer (she used to go through my stuff all the time) that i was LITERALLY KEEPING FOR A FRIEND and she dragged me out on the#balcony by my hair and beat me. she would beat me in public places all the time to humiliate me. even my school friends remember this#and she said 1) ''it didn't happen'' and 2) ''i don't remember''#so that's that. either i'm crazy and i fabricated the memory out of nowhere... or she's not taking responsibility for her actions.#and like... I KNOW it happened. but i'm very sensitive to gaslighting (as she does this all the time about other things as well)#and sometimes i literally have to hug myself and rock back and forth and essentially try to convince myself i'm not crazy#that's the situation i'm in rn :) cool#thank god the therapist moved my appointment to tomorrow because i'm about to implode or perhaps ask for money in advance to purchase drugs
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the main reason i don’t take “i’m a native speaker of the source language” as the be-all, end-all for translation arguments in fandom specifically (as in, between fans who are not professional or even hobbyist translators) is bc, well. sometimes.......... native speakers............ are bad at their own language, too.
#we're on tumblr. we've seen the reading comprehension on this site which is mostly americans whose native language is ostensibly english#alternatively i don't take 'i asked someone who is a native speaker of the source language' as the be-all end-all of t/l arguments#like yes ofc native speakers opinions should be considered. and if i didn't speak any of the source language then fuck man#i'm not qualified to argue with them LOL. but this post is mostly me thinking abt things w/cn origin#bc i've been told my whole life my mom is Very Highly Educated in chinese language arts and speaks appropriately#and it's still pretty frustrating when she tries to make me speak in the same kind of language bc i just don't hear it around that often#but i think it has at least taught me to *think* abt things in that kind of Highly Educated highly-referential/symbolic way#even if i lack the knowledge base of references/symbols to utilize it myself i can go digging for them when t/l from cn --> en#which i think is pretty interesting bc it places me in this kind of 'historically this is what the word has meant' pov#which is just not smth we really do/consider in english esp when looking at modern texts but i think is rlly necessary in chinese#even when looking at texts written in the modern day! and thinking abt it that's probably the source kernel for some gnshn discourse#bc cn is such a context-heavy language; context which goes beyond the meaning of the bare words on the page#bc en doesn't consider historical context of words we're not used to reading into words w/different historical nuances#and since deciding whether the historical or the modern connotations should apply in a certain context is a Skill#the arguments end up sounding like 'historically it has meant x' 'so what? it means y in the modern day'#'yes but the historical meaning adds depth and nuance that changes the interpretation in this context' 'why should it tho?'#and the answer to that is just bc that's how it goes in the language!! Sometimes Other Languages And Cultures Do Things Differently!#anyway this kind of thinking definitely also affects how i write; with all the highly deliberate word choices#and occasional referential nature of my phrasing and whatnot. i like to imagine i have a somewhat chinese writing style in english#like not entirely. i don't craft my native english sentences the way i would craft an english translation of a chinese sentence#the latter of which i typically try to keep similar to the way cn sentences flow which is Different from good en sentence flow#but the extremely specific wording at times and trying to pack a lot of meaning into a few choice words using external context/references#that feels like something i can bring into my english writing and have it read as an english work w/echoes of another language hidden under#花話
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hii! can i make a request?
I've been thinking about angsty things a bit. say if, reader got pregnant, would she hate it? how would scara/childe react? in my opinion, id like to think that scara thinks of this as a way to tie her down to him more, plus its canon he likes kids!! and as for childe i think he'd be very very happy since he has soooo many siblings, (maybe he wants a lot of kids too??)
and..what if reader miscarried? i have this thought of where scara would still be cold to her but give her breaks and more space than usual, but what if reader completely locks herself in and then when he confronts her about it they get into a huge argument, how would scara tackle that, would he resort to abusive tactics and would it increase readers hatred & distance more?
just a brainrot, you dont have to write about it if you're not comfy^_^
This took me so so so long!! I'm so sorry if you were waiting for it!!
I don't typically write for things like pregnancy because it makes me uncomfortable, but I'd be lying if I said I do not absolutely fucking adore angst and hopelessness.
Parasite
Yandere! Scaramouche x Fem! Reader
Forced Marriage AU
TW: 18+ MDNI, Dark Content, Forced marriage, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Mentions of Dub/Non-Con
A week late turned into two. Two turned into a month. A month turned into three. And three turned into unusual cravings for foods that didn't go together. Sickness and vomiting clouded the hours of your mornings. Dread filled your body the second you realized what this was. Stress makes your cycles late, you told yourself, stress makes your entire body change, and this was a stressful situation, but stress wasn't causing this, was it?
Scaramouche could tell the changes in you immediately. As someone who constantly kept tabs on your life, it was only fair to assume that he'd noticed your slight fluctuation in weight and lack of asking for your monthly cloths. When you were called into his office, you felt a hot flash all over your body, you assumed it was fear, but it could've also been nausea.
His office was a place filled with dread. The air in the room was too thick and worst of all, he was there. The room made you feel small, the only good thing about it was that he was usually too focused on his mile high stacks of paperwork. Except today. Today his razor sharp gaze was focused on your trembling form as you bowed to him, his eyes following down, then back up.
“Answer me honestly,” he began, hands planted on the wood in front of him, “Are you with child?”
If you could throw up again, you would. Of course, you knew all this time, but you never wanted to say it. You hoped, just hoped and prayed that maybe if you never acknowledged it, it would all go away. It would all be a bad dream. But it was true. There was something disgusting living inside you. And it was his.
“I believe so, my lord,” the words couldn't even completely fall from your lips before you were a blubbering, sobbing mess of anguish and fear. Despite the fact that you were completely breaking down before him, he had a small smile on his face, like he was proud of what he'd done to you.
“That's good,” he said calmly, wiping away your tears and planting a forced kiss upon your face. His touch felt cold as ice, but his hands against you made you want to melt your skin away.
The reaction to the “good news” was immediate, whether that was good or bad was up in the air, but everything changed. The tight obi of all the kimono you owned would put too much pressure on your budding stomach, new one's were ordered to be ready as you grew more in size. Your diet was changed completely, less of the Inazuma raw delicacies and more lean meat and vegetables. Daily classes of calligraphy and tea ceremonies were switched to resting with your feet up or light stretching, everything to keep you happy and healthy during your pregnancy.
The biggest change was Scaramouche himself. A man filled with so much hatred and disgust, was suddenly being kinder. Or trying to at least. You watch him open his mouth to make a comment, only to shut it again in favor of saying something still rude, but less insulting.
The Scaramouche that believed that he could take your body whenever he pleased was long gone, even though that was what got you in this predicament in the first place. He'd taken to leaving you in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom to sate his urges. He'd come back with cold damp hands and lay next to you, a protective hand over your stomach as he kissed your cheek and told you how much he loved you.
The day you saw blood between your legs and felt an aching pain in your stomach was a joyous one indeed. A part of you wanted to scream out in glee, but you didn't want to wake your already on edge husband. The blood that coated your fingers could only mean one thing. One good thing. It was gone. You were free of it. Almost immediately, the dark air that seemed to linger over your body vanished and you let out a sigh of relief.
Scaramouche was informed shortly before breakfast that same morning. You relayed the information to a maid, who then told him, whispering the words in his ear so quietly, it sounded like she was speaking gibberish. His face, his expression, changed to one shock, then horror, then pain. You didn't even know he could make such a face, yet there he was with tears in his eyes.
“Wh-what happened?” There was that tone again. The one you were used to. The anger and distaste for you in his voice. He slammed his fist down on the desk, turning his head away from you as his voice became high and breathy, so desperate for answers, “What did I do wrong?”
You stood in his office awkwardly, even this display from a person you hated, this display of agony was hurting you as well. You thought it would be funny. Seeing the man who pulled you from your home and forced you into marriage in pain was supposed to make you happy, but you felt your own chest clenching, felt your hands tremble.
“I-i suppose…I was stressed, my lord,” you muttered, his already labored breaths hitching at those words. The few months you were carrying that thing inside your body, was when he asked for less from you. He expected you to laze around all day and relax. For your body to fall into a daze like trance of naps and delicious food. He wanted happiness for both you and his child that you carried, yet you were still the most stressed you'd ever been in your entire life, knowing that he had something inside you. Something that would continue to fester and grow, until it eventually ate you alive.
He sat back in his office chair dejected, hurt, and empty. Scaramouche's normally sharp, glaring eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling, body limp as he bit his lip, “Leave me,” he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. Had it not been for the quietness of the room, you wouldn't have heard him.
Leave him you did, closing the door as silently as possible and not lingering behind. You felt yourself finally stop tensing, telling yourself that all your woes were over, for now. The thing was gone. You were happy. For once, even if unintentionally, you'd won over your captor.
#mai<3 answers#genshin#genshin x reader#yandere genshin#genshin impact#yandere x reader#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader#yandere x you#yandere x y/n#yandere scaramouche x reader#yandere scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#tw pregnancy#mdni
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Express | J.Fisher
FEM! READER
summary: you and jeremiah are best friends and you two get into a terrible argument on the beach after showing mixed signals of each other's company. you express your feelings for him at the end of it and he realizes with you two obviously ignoring each other that he has those same feelings for you.
warnings: angst, mentions of underage drinking, cursing + TAKES PLACE IN AMAZON PRIME VIDEO SERIES SEASON 2. If you don't want minor spoilers please don't read OR you can watch season 2 first!! this one shot does not completely go with the plot of the show!
thank you and enjoy lovely readers 🤍
"I can't fucking believe you, Y/N." Jeremiah said, half intoxicated due to them leaving a party at Susannah's house. Susannah was gone and all of you had decided to throw a party.
Rewinding to at least an hour before he had said those words to you, what led up to this moment was surprising. As you and Jeremiah were partying, about to kiss a fight broke out between Milo and Steven.
Another event happened where Skye ended up sharing the news about their mom, Julia making a deal with the kids that lived, well used to live at the Cousins beach house.
You and the others were allowed one week each summer, since the family that Julia had sold it to wasn't going to use it too much. Jeremiah, you and Belly hearing the news, all three of you were happy.
Though there was one person that couldn't accept the deal and that was when Jeremiah and Conrad ended up fighting. You were in the middle of it.
"Jere don't say that-" You said, holding his arm as Jeremiah pushed you away, which caused you to be taken aback. As Belly was leaving, Skye went after her. You stayed as you watched Jeremiah throw hurtful words towards Conrad.
"Jere stop-" You said but Jeremiah looked at you, after everything that he said to Conrad.
"So what you're defending him now too?" Jeremiah asked as you looked at Conrad, before looking down and shaking your head.
"I'm, I'm not sure." You whispered.
"Yeah. There it is again. The I'm not sure from Y/N. One happy thing, such a small thing that everyone could be happy about and you go and ruin it Conrad." Jeremiah said as he walked away.
As everyone seemed to go their separate ways, you stayed in front of Conrad as you felt your chest was hurting.
Conrad was silent, his eyes teary due to the words that Jeremiah said towards him. Conrad looked up as you were lost in thought, your mind vacant before you hear Conrad calling out your name. You looked up at him when he asked, "You okay?" his voice was shaky, hoarse and like it was caught in his throat.
"Yeah...yeah it's just," You started before sighing. "Last summer was messy." You stood there as your voice was shaky too, wondering why in this moment you felt like breaking down.
There was one specific person that you loved so much. That person was Jeremiah Fisher. Yet with how things were going last summer due to the whole love triangle, Susannah and other messy stuff, it was like that again.
You were caught in the middle of it and it was not until this summer that your feelings for Jeremiah were growing uncontrollably larger.
"As soon as school got out, hearing about the house being sold I've been trying hard too. To get the house back. To talk some sense into your dad. To talk to your aunt and I never once told anyone how much things have effected me." You said as your eyes teared up remembering the way Jeremiah and Conrad looked at each other with so much remorse.
"I love Jere. So much, Conrad" You whispered. "Last summer I realized I liked Jeremiah even if he's been my best friend my entire life. Seeing Jere and Bells kiss with Steven, I couldn't take that happiness away." You smiled as you wiped your tears, you weren't a drinker so these were your raw emotions, not intensified too much because there was no alcohol intake.
Conrad seemed to go more silent hearing that Jeremiah and Belly kissed, as if not knowing that already. It was a reminder that Belly couldn't choose. You looked at him as if apologizing for bringing it up.
"Conrad," You called out, "I wanna keep fighting for this house but I don't know how much more all of us can take if it's causing this much damage," You said truthfully as your tears were falling harder. Conrad was crying as well, his head held low before pulling you into a hug.
You two were somewhat the same. Bottling things up, though Conrad got the bigger blow. You hugged Conrad tightly as you sniffled, continuing what you were saying.
"I just had to be there for you both," You mumbled. "You are here," Conrad mumbled. "You are, you really are." Conrad said in a shaky tone, not knowing how else to comfort you. Not knowing if what he was doing for you was helping you feel better.
You didn't want Belly to be alone but the one person that needed someone, knowing that Conrad would go after Belly, you knew no one would be there for Jeremiah.
Conrad pulled away as you wiped your tears. Conrad wiped his away as he patted your head. "Go after Belly," You told Conrad. You pointed to his chest.
"I already know you will." You smiled at him as Conrad nodded. Everyone rarely saw you cry. You knew that you had just let it all go to Conrad, but knew that he had something to take care.
Conrad nodded as he slowly walked away from you, leaving you there to wipe your tears away in hopes that they would be gone. You took a deep breath before walking back into the beach house, the strobing lights still seen through the house's windows since the curtains seemed to not be covering any part of the windows.
You looked through the crowd, trying to find Jeremiah amongst the people dancing and drinking. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes always made you cringe, you and Cam always got along pretty well when it came to parties because you two didn't drink.
You didn't drink specifically because your mom died due to a drunk driver. You didn't want to be that way, and there would come a time when you would finally drink.
You saw spray painting on the wall, people breaking windows and tables as you shook your head, moving past people who were shoving you left and right.
Finally though you found Jeremiah standing against a wall with a red cup already in his hands. You were in front of him as he looked down at you with the same angry expression he showed Conrad.
He was ready to leave, pulling his weight off of the wall as he turned away from you. You grabbed his wrist quickly, making him accidentally drop the red cup in his hand, spilling the drink on the ground.
Jeremiah tried his hardest to hold back his anger, you being his best friend he couldn't be mad. Not at you completely. You looked up at him as he turned around, his eyes still averted away from yours.
"Can we talk?" You asked him, loud enough to go past the loud music that was playing.
"I don't see a reason," Jeremiah said as you bit the inside of your lip and held his wrist harder.
"Then you don't need a reason but I have one." You said as Jeremiah finally looking at you. The reason he didn't want to look at you was because he saw you crying on Conrad.
He knew the reason why you were crying and it was because of him. He knew that too well that he was the one that made you cry, yet he couldn't comfort you and say that it was okay.
Jeremiah pulled his wrist away from your strong grip before walking outside with you, to the beach, a different part of it since Belly and Conrad were talking as well.
You followed after him, as you stared at the back of his head before he finally stopped when you both reached your favorite log on the beach. He turned around as he stared at you with a look of anger still.
"If this is about what I said to Conrad, I'm not taking it back." Jeremiah said.
"Jere you didn't have to say all of that-" "He asked for my blessing, Y/N" Jeremiah started getting riled up, already feeling that anger was bottled up inside of him.
"Yes he did, but he needed someone, he needed his brother and this summer you guys have been butting heads indirectly but things were getting better," You said as had your hands out, you trying not to get teary eyed. Yes you were defending Conrad because he was in the right, but you wanted Jeremiah to know that too.
"Since when were we getting better?" Jeremiah asked as he scoffed, laughing a bit because it was unbelievable to him. "He took Belly away from me. I had to watch him and Belly together. I thought of all people you would know how lonely I was because I was there for my mom when no one wasn't." Jeremiah said, his voice partially raising.
You felt your heart ache as your tears were starting to become visible but you wiped your face while Jeremiah was looking away. You didn't know. How else to tell him. How else could you possibly comfort him?
"Jere," You called out, "I'm here," Was all that could slip out.
"Where were you then? When were you here?" Jeremiah asked as his eyes were tearing up, his eyes seeming to get rid of the anger slowly but it was evidently still there.
"You always comforted everyone else before you came and checked up on me. You ran after Belly when her and Conrad fought at my mom's funeral. MY MOM'S funeral. You told me that you would always be there for me first, you liar." Jeremiah pointed to his chest, as he was hitting his chest with his fingers as he was saying that.
You hated it. Seeing him in so much pain but you were in pain as well. "Jere, I tried to take care of everyone and I'm sorry. I swear I came to check up on you first you're twisting the story," You said, trying to stay calm, while Jeremiah was raising his voice at you.
"You know what, whose side are you on?" Jeremiah asked as he put his hands on his hips, turning his body as he was now rejecting looking at you.
"I saw Conrad hugging you," "Jere are you seriously doing this right now-" "Doing what? Watching you be comforted because you're what the girl version of me and Conrad combined? Bottling shit up and then acting like it's okay? Yet you don't even go and run after me?"
"You aren't making any sense Jere why are you blaming me for that thing specifically?" You asked as you put your hand on Jeremiah's but he pushed you away once again, like he did back there during his argument with Conrad.
"Don't fucking touch me." Jeremiah said with a rough voice. "Whose side are you on." Jeremiah asked as you bit your lip.
You clenched your fists, "What do you even mean Jere?!" You finally yelled which took him aback. You looked away as your chest was heaving.
"When was I here? I've been here the entire time! Being in the middle of you and Conrad. The middle of you and Belly. The middle of you three!" You yelled as you stepped towards him, you pointing your finger on his chest as you were pushing him with it.
"I was there even if I was in pain too. With my mother's death at the beginning of last summer, then Susannah was next. You don't see it do you?" You asked as your tears were falling uncontrollably.
"You needed someone and when you say no one was there for you I watched you miserably. I watched you and felt invisible. You focused on Belly so much when you guys had a thing and I had to act like I was okay with that." You laughed but it mixed with crying too.
"I tried so hard to continuously fix things. Every time Belly had a conflict with Conrad or you I would be there for her. Every time you felt so alone I was there. I was there for each and every one of you and yet you're asking me where I was?!" You yelled.
"Y/N-" Jeremiah said as he took your finger off of his chest and held your hand but you pulled your hand off of him. "I get how much Belly effected you. How much you love her," You said as you knew the next words that you were about to say were fucked up. You knew that you shouldn't put yourself before others.
"I love you Jere," You said, in hopes that he would return the feelings. Yet you knew. You knew that you two made a promise to one another that you would never fall for each other.
There was complete silence, the silence killing you but Jeremiah was taking time to process. The processing ended up stopping, but the next words that Jeremiah said towards you were words that you wished he would never say to you, but he did.
"I can't fucking believe you, Y/N" Jeremiah said as he had a face of disgust. An expression he never had towards you but to others. You saw the way he looked at you, the way that you wished he hadn't.
"So that's it," You said as your breath hitched before your next words came. "You and I were about to kiss, obviously getting even closer during this whole week and you say that to me," You said as Jeremiah looked away.
"That was a mistake," Jeremiah said as your lips quivered, tears falling harder. "I didn't mean to do that. I just wanted to kiss someone." Jeremiah lied, but you didn't know that. Jeremiah knew that he didn't want to hurt you if he was still in love with Belly.
"You wanted to kiss someone?" You asked as Jeremiah nodded. "I love Belly." Jeremiah said straightforwardly. "We promised each other that we wouldn't."
"Fuck- promises are meant to be broken!" You yelled. "Can't you make an exception just this once? That you can love me somehow? The way I love you?" You asked, begging for Jeremiah to somehow look at you the way he always has.
The one time that you finally break, after being so worn out with being the therapy friend, the friend that everyone could depend on but at your lowest moments you could only depend on Susannah and Laurel.
Susannah was gone and that impacted you too but you knew that if you compared it to the pain that Jeremiah and Conrad felt, it would be selfish. That the mother figure that replaced your mom when she passed, was now gone and the last mother figure you had was Laurel.
"I can't fucking look at you." Jeremiah said, his breath shaky. "I can't believe you." Jeremiah said as he started walking past you. You didn't watch him leave, as you stood there, still in front of your favorite log that you two would always have heartfelt conversations on.
Before he could walk away completely, you turned to him. "You can't just leave it at that!" You yelled before Jeremiah stopped. You sobbed as you begged for him one more time, wanting his answer to change.
"Yes I can." Jeremiah said as he turned around, his eyebrows knitted. "I can say that I can't." Jeremiah said, his voice shaky because he was afraid. Afraid that he was losing you now too and it was because of the words that were coming out of his mouth.
You walked up to him and tried your hardest but still he pushed you off of him. He would never treat a girl like this, ever. Yet it seemed like you were a different case. He wanted to get away from you.
"Just- Just get away from me alright?!" Jeremiah yelled which made you stop. You froze and as you did, Jeremiah ran his fingers through his hair before his tears fell as his breath was hitching too.
You watched as he sobbed, his emotions seeming to stir in the pot but with each new ingredient in there, it was the wrong ones every time. You reached out to Jeremiah, but your efforts were short as he finally decided to leave.
This time you didn't go after him. As much as you tried to comfort him, he still walked away without turning back even if your cries were heard. You had tried to hug him, knowing that was always the solution but this time, that solution was last place.
You fell to your knees as you sobbed out, wishing that the conversation ended on a high note but it didn't. Your heart ached before you felt everything suddenly get blurry and shaky. Due to the many emotions you were feeling everything had gone black.
NEXT MORNING
The sun was shining over Cousins beach. The next morning came and everyone at the party was gone. The guests were gone at least except the mess that was left behind.
You felt your breath catch in your lungs before waking up when you felt the glare of the sun hitting your body. You woke up, getting up from the sand on the beach.
"Did I really sleep here?" You asked before your eyes softened realizing no one noticed you were gone. You were hoping Jeremiah would at least bring you inside or be concerned for you seeing that you didn't come inside later that night.
You had your hands on the sand before standing up, your legs feeling numb because of the emotions that were still hitting you right as you wake up.
You walked off of the beach and into the beach house, seeing that the door was wide open, before realizing Laurel's car was there in the driveway.
You blinked before you realized. You ran inside but was met with Belly walking out of the house. Belly was holding her cheek. "Bells?" You called out as held her arm, trying to stop her. She hugged you tightly, her tears falling onto your shoulder.
You were shocked seeing the amount of tears coming out of Belly's eyes. You held the back of her head as you hugged her tightly before she pulled away and walked out to the beach.
You watched as she left, your breathing on double time before walking inside knowing that she needed space. You saw Laurel there, with Steven, Conrad and Jeremiah.
Steven told Laurel that Belly and the rest of the kids were at least here for Susannah's boys while Laurel was absent. After hearing Laurel already knew about the house being up for sale. Everyone walked away from Laurel and apparently you now. Jeremiah didn't bat an eye at you, covered in sand.
Laurel looked over to you before you looked away. "I'll start cleaning up," You whispered. "Belly needs her mom right now." You whispered before grabbing a trash bag, feeling somewhat small as you started to clean the place.
It was an hour or two later that Laurel announced that she would fight for the house and talk to Julia about it. Everyone was thankful for Laurel, glad that Belly reached out to her mom.
You kept your distance from everyone as you felt invisible and sad again. You looked at Jeremiah a few times but he never looked at you. He really did mean that he wouldn't look at you at all.
Julia finally arrived and as the kids were cleaning up, Laurel pulled Julia aside talking at Susannah and her's favorite spot.
You continued to clean up as Belly came over to you with Taylor. "You okay?" Belly asked, her hand on your back. You didn't know that Jeremiah and the others were also listening in as well.
"Yeah, just a little tired." You told Belly. "Jere and I had a big argument last night." You smiled sadly. As Belly pulled you aside along with Taylor and Skye who seemed to tag along, Steven looked over at Jeremiah.
"What happened?" Steven asked Jeremiah who was scrubbing the wall, trying to get the spray paint off of it. Jeremiah shook his head. He knew if he thought about it then he would've said the wrong things somehow.
"Nothing," "Well it doesn't seem like nothing Jere. Taylor and I watched the whole thing. I wanted to punch you so badly seeing the way you made her cry." Steven said as Conrad awkwardly listened, still on the silent treatment with Jeremiah.
Steven put down his trash bag as he made Jeremiah stop too. "I get it. We've all been through a lot of shit man but I know damn well that you love Y/N. More than Belly." Steven said as Jeremiah looked away.
"I don't." "You really are an airhead like they all say." Steven chuckled before making Jeremiah face him.
"You may think that taking the easier option is better but the better option will always be there for you and if I'm going to be honest it's Y/N. You said it so yourself. Belly will always have something for Conrad. There's someone though waiting for you." Steven said since Conrad left the room. Jeremiah looked up at Steven as Steven was awkwardly smiling.
"I.." Jeremiah said before his shoulders fell, "I fucked up so badly," Jeremiah said as Steven agreed.
"Well yeah. Can't say that I don't agree with you cause I do." Steven laughed as Jeremiah nodded.
"I..I don't know. I just don't know." "Well you gotta know somehow. All the things you said weren't her true intentions and even you know that when you start to regret what you said. She's always been there for you. Through everything. Of course she would love you dude. It isn't hard to love someone like you. Especially her. She always finds a reason." Steven reassured as Jeremiah's eyes teared up.
"Do you think she'd forgive me? For the things I said? I've never in my life spoke to her like that. I've never said such harsh things to her and yet in that moment it felt that that was the only thing that I could do." Jeremiah explained, his obvious regret showing.
"Give it a day or two. You'll probably realize it more." Steven patted Jeremiah's shoulder. "What you said was fucked. Even I would be hurt if someone said that to me." Steven said, not trying to blame Jeremiah but he knew that the two would push through.
Jeremiah paused for a bit before nodding. He knew that he had to do something somehow. He knew if he wasn't there for you the way you were there for him, then no one would be. Hearing that you slept on the beach, eavesdropping and everything no one came to come get you.
Jeremiah knew that as a best friend he should've been there for you. To carry you inside despite being so mad at you. He knew that he put his emotions first. Who knows what could've happened. He wasn't there for you the way you were there for him.
Those thoughts of what he said to you last night started to course through his mind. He winced at the thought of everything as Steven went to go clean more.
He would give it a day or two, in hopes that he would realize it all.
That he needed you, and loved you the way you did.
Taylor was currently giving you a hug as you tried your best not to cry. You stayed so strong up until now but again, you were a carbon copy of Conrad and Jeremiah combined. Belly and Skye were rubbing your back as you cried.
You hated the words that Jeremiah said towards you. Taylor had heard it all with Steven and explained everything to Belly and Skye for you so that you didn't have to.
You closed your eyes, hoping that all of this was a bad dream. Hoping that what Jeremiah said wasn't meant. Your chest kept on going up and down quickly. You were hiccuping as your walls crashed down.
You hoped that the house would be in the possession of the boys. You knew though that you didn't want to be a part of it anymore. You told yourself as you were being comforted, that this would be your last summer at the Cousin's house.
THE NEXT DAY
As you all were wrapping things up, Conrad and Jeremiah had a heartfelt conversations the night before. It seemed that everything was able to be fixed yesterday except things with you and Jeremiah.
You of course included yourself in helping Conrad study for his test in Brown to get into Stanford. Everyone was all for it, especially Belly. Yesterday evening was the last time you saw Julia and Skye for now.
After being able to convince Jeremiah and Conrad's dad about selling the house they had in Boston, things started to get good from there.
The morning came around and things needed to finish up. With the house not being on the market, everyone needed to go home and would be able to come back whenever they'd like and whenever everyone had free time.
You smiled as you were saying goodbye to Laurel. While the others were saying goodbye to one another, you wanted to talk to Laurel first.
"Thank you so much Laurel for everything that you've done up to this point." You said as you were holding her hands. Laurel smiled as she looked at you. You looked back at her, and the obvious eye bags were under your eyes.
"I heard what happened between you and Jeremiah," Laurel said as she gave you a hug. "Thank you so much for being here for everyone. We'd love to see you here again next summer or this summer if anything." You softened up in Laurel's hold before holding onto her and smiling.
"I'll think about it," You said as Laurel nodded. Laurel slowly pulled away as everyone started getting into their cars. You ended up actually driving here, so you didn't have a problem taking your time getting home. You took a good look at the Cousins house.
You weren't ready to leave yet, as everyone was talking about when they would next be all together. Everyone was saying the fourth. You looked at everyone in the group before smiling and humming.
"Yeah, I'll be available whenever." You chuckled as you started waving goodbye to everyone. "I'm gonna stay here for a bit longer. Conrad tell me how the test goes. Tell us everything," You smiled as Conrad nodded, with a content smile.
"See you whenever, Y/N" You nodded as everyone seemed to be driving out of the driveway. You didn't notice that Jeremiah actually stayed behind, instead of driving off in his brother's car. Conrad ended up leaving without Jeremiah.
You had your back turned, oblivious to Jeremiah staying behind as you walked into the Cousin's house, going to the pool as you dipped your feet in the cold water.
You heard the door open and looked back seeing Jeremiah was there, his hands in his pockets as he looked over at you, sitting on the ledge of the swimming pool.
You slowly looked away, still kicking your feet gently. Jeremiah slowly sat next to you, dipping his feet in the water with yours. It was silent for a good minute as the awkward silence was sitting there with you two as well.
Jeremiah was the first to break the silence, as he looked at you slowly, seeing that you were watching your feet kick in the water that you were now used to since they have been in there for at least a minute.
"Let's talk?" He asked as you tensed up a little before shaking your head. "I don't see a reason to." You snapped back, repeating his words from last night. To your surprise though, Jeremiah said the exact same thing that you had said to him too. You both switched placed though.
"Then you don't need a reason but I have one." Jeremiah whispered which made you stop kicking your feet. You slowly looked over at Jeremiah, your eyes already teary eyed. Jeremiah stared at your hurt filled eyes as he winced seeing how drained you looked.
Jeremiah reached up as he cupped your cheek gently, but you pulled away a bit. Jeremiah still tried though, holding both of your cheeks as he took a good look at you.
"No," Jeremiah whispered. "Don't pull away," You shook your head more as you held onto Jeremiah's wrists, wanting to shove his hands off of you but you knew that if you didn't want to do that truly.
"But you did," You told Jeremiah as you continued to look at his ocean eyes. "You pushed me away," Jeremiah nodded.
"I know I did, and I'm sorry Y/N." Jeremiah said as he wiped away the tears that were streaming down your cheeks as they were coming down.
"You didn't eat today or yesterday. You haven't slept either. I saw you were still awake even when everyone else was sleeping." Jeremiah said as he put his thumb gently under one of your eyes, seeing the obvious eye bags that already grew.
"It's hard to when you're mad at me." You admitted. "I didn't think you would have noticed me at all since you said that you couldn't look at me," You looked away as Jeremiah's eyes softened.
"Everything with Conrad, I resolved all of it. We told each other that we would talk things out as they come and not let them linger." Jeremiah admitted towards you.
"Things with Belly..I already knew that I don't love her that way. That there will always be a better option for me and..Y/N that's you." Jeremiah said, trying to convince you that the words he said to you a night ago was wrong.
You continued to look away as Jeremiah was the one speaking this time. "I do love you too. In the way that a best friend does but the way that a lover does too." Jeremiah said as he slowly let go of your cheeks, grabbing hold of your hands that he noticed were shaking, seeing your body tremble as well.
He could still see the silent cries you were giving and he knew that instead of being jealous of others that he'd rather be there for you than watch you crying in someone else's arms.
You stayed silent as you listened to Jeremiah, still trying to register everything. "I know..it's hard to forget what I said. But I'd rather say this and take back all of the words." Jeremiah held your hands still, trying to stop them from shaking as he kissed your hands gently.
He closed his eyes, "I'm so sorry for the way I talked to you. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for blaming you and lying to you that it was a mistake." You started to sob but Jeremiah didn't stop.
"I'm sorry for pushing you away and thinking you're invisible..you aren't. I needed someone and Belly couldn't be there for me because she was always with Conrad the most. I'm sorry for forgetting about you." Jeremiah's voice started to become shaky, starting to get emotional as he continued.
"I'm sorry for never realizing how much I loved you, Y/N." Jeremiah stopped when you took your hands off of Jeremiah's hands. With this, Jeremiah thought that you were going to get up and leave but you had your hands on his chest, pushing him gently.
Jeremiah looked up at you as you looked at him, hiccuping as your voice finally came out. "Stop," You whispered as you punched him gently, "Just kiss me already," You begged as Jeremiah's eyes widened.
Jeremiah put his forehead on yours as he watched you start to calm down, feeling how close he was to you. Jeremiah gently, hesitantly grabbed your cheek.
"I want to kiss you, I really do." Jeremiah said as your noses touched, booping one another's. "Out of all the people, it was always you." Jeremiah said before his lips hit yours.
Your body stopped trembling, as you melted into the kiss that Jeremiah had given you. Your first kiss was with your best friend. This was Jeremiah's millionth kiss probably but to you, this was the kiss you wanted it to be with.
You kissed Jeremiah, wrapping your arms around Jeremiah's neck as you pulled him closer.
He pulled you closer by the waist as he held you tightly, not wanting to let you go. You pulled away for a second before reconnecting your lips together with his.
Jeremiah tucked some strands of your hair behind your ear, feeling his chest was about to explode because of how much his heart was beating double time.
No one else could make both of you feel this way, both of you knew that for sure as you felt sparks. As Jeremiah slowly pulled away, Jeremiah stared into your eyes as he smiled softly, seeing how out of breath you were.
"The tears are gone." Jeremiah pointed out as he hugged you tightly, burying his face in your neck. You pressed your lips against his curly hair, closing your eyes slowly.
Jeremiah looked up at you again, pulling away a bit from the hug. He connected his lips with yours again, kissing you was so easy to him it seemed.
You kissed him back instantly, smiling in the kiss because you felt better. You felt that things really were going to be okay with Jeremiah. Jeremiah pulled away this time, staring at your lips before pecking it gently with a smile.
Jeremiah rubbed your back gently before getting up and helping you up as well. Jeremiah held your hands before sitting down on one of the beach chairs with you. He put you on his lap gently, having you face him.
You had your hands on his shoulders, having some support as you stared into his eyes.
As you two were silently looking at one another, the silence was broken when both of you said at the same time,
"I love you," You and him stared at each other before laughing softly together.
"Let's stay here for a bit, then I'll come over and sleep over." Jeremiah said as you nodded.
"I'd love that, a lot." You said as you pushed all of your weight on Jeremiah's as he laid on the beach chair with you on top of him.
Jeremiah kissed your forehead gently, having his arms up as a arm pillow.
Jeremiah closed his eyes as he smiled softly. "Me too,"
#jeremiah fisher#tsitp fanfic#angst with a happy ending#fluff#tsitp jeremiah#jeremiah fisher x reader#love#best friends to lovers#the summer i turned pretty#xreader#imagine#one shot
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hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?
So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.
It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.
RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.
Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.
If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.
Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.
So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.
"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.
Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.
And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.
I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.
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can u do a imagine that you and barzal get into a argument and it ends happily
The door slams loudly behind you, and you whirl around, fire in your eyes and venom in your words when you say "Just because you're angry that you're not getting your way doesn't mean you can start slamming shit like a caveman."
Mat's nostrils flare, the vein popping in his neck. "I'm not angry because I'm 'not getting my way,' I'm angry because you're just not listening."
"No, you're the one not listening, Mat. I've said exactly how I felt a dozen times. My mind hasn't changed, and we keep coming back to this same argument because everything I say goes in one ear and out the other with you. You can ask me as many times as you want, but I am not going to uproot and change my entire life around just because you feel like it suits you better."
"But we're dating! And we're in love! What's so wrong with living together if we're dating?"
You push air out of your nostrils, the brunch the two of you just ate turning sour in your stomach. "As I've told you over and over, we've only been together for three months, Mathew. You and I have entirely different schedules, entirely different lives, and I am both not ready to and believe that we are not in a place where I feel I can share my space with you that way, or take that step with you, until we've been together a little longer."
"I can respect your schedule, life, and space, and still do it as your boyfriend who lives with you." He pushes, gesturing around to your apartment. "Have I not done that so far?"
"You have," you say, frustration creeping through your veins at the fact that you've having to explain yourself yet again. "But you've done so because you don't live here. I do. And I've done the same at your place because I don't live there."
Mat waves a hand dismissively. "We sleep over at each other's places all the time, what's the difference if it happens all the time instead of a few times a week?"
"Because that's temporary! That's basically us playing house, not actually living together." You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose when you can feel a headache starting to bloom at the back of your skull.
"Well I don't see what's so wrong with me wanting someone to come home to at the end of the day." Mat bites out, and your eyes squeeze shut.
"You already do that. You call me or text me or you ask if you can come over if you need to see me at the end of the day, and I do the same to you."
His face hardens. "Oh, I see. It's fine that way because I get to leave after, right?"
Your eyes fly open and your hands drop to your sides. "Mathew," you warn. "You're being extremely unreasonable right now, and I do not have the energy to continue repeating the same script over and over until it finally sinks in."
"How am I being unreasonable? I'm pointing out the obvious here!"
And that...that's your limit.
The two of you had been arguing about this for the last two weeks off and on, and you'd hoped that this would be the last time.
You don't know if you had another fight like this in you.
"If you can't take no for an answer, then I think it's best you just leave."
He blinks, taking a step back like you've shoved him. "What?"
"I think you should leave." You repeat. "You're not listening to me, you're only hearing the things you think you can pick apart to try to win the argument. But arguing with the person you're in a relationship with isn't about winning, it's about understanding, and you and I clearly don't understand each other right now. So you should leave."
"Baby, I-" he says, swallowing a lump in his throat, and you sigh a little.
"Not like that, just...I just think we need to cool down, okay?"
You can see it in the lines of his body that he wants to protest, to demand to stay and work things out, but instead he nods, jaw ticking in irritation. His hands twitch at his sides, and you know what he wants to do, but clearly isn't sure if he's allowed to right now.
Instead, you approach him, kissing his cheek and gently squeezing his biceps. "It's okay," you assure him. "Just for a little bit."
He nods, body relaxing a little under your touch. "Okay," he says quietly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. Without another word, he turns and leaves your apartment, this time, gently shutting the door behind him.
The second he's gone, all the frustration finally boils over, and you shut your eyes, tears silently falling from your face.
~
You're brushing through your wet hair, resting on the couch in your pajamas and trying to catch up on your favorite TV show before bed when the intercom on your wall buzzes.
Tossing your brush to the couch cushion beside you, you head for the intercom, already having a good idea of who's on the other side. You press the buzzer to open the front door to your building, then head back to the couch to grab your hairbrush and put it back in your bathroom.
You head back to your living room, heading straight for the door once you hear the soft knocks on the wood. When you open it, you find Mat just as you expected, but what you didn't expect was the find him with his face red, puffy, and tears caught in his eyelashes.
When he sees you, his body launches forward, and he wraps you tightly in his arms, bending down a little to bury his face in your neck, and you can feel him sag with relief.
Carefully, you wrap your arms around him, shutting the door and locking it before walking you both backwards a little, bringing him further into your apartment.
You hold each other like that for a little bit, and when you feel Mat's body shake a little as he starts to cry again, you can feel your own tears brimming in your eyes, exhaustion settling in your bones.
Mat hiccups a little bit, and then you feel him press a gentle kiss to the base of your neck before he murmurs "I love you so much."
You tense in his arms.
I love you so much.
I love you so much.
I love you so much.
He'd never said that to you before.
"You don't have to say it back." He says, voice scratchy. "I didn't say it so you'd forgive me, or so that it would make anything better. I just wanted...if this was the last time...I just wanted you to know that I do love you."
"I love you too," you say without hesitation.
His body sags a little more, and he holds you tighter. "You were right, about all of it. I wasn't listening, and I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," you say. "If I hurt your feelings, or if I made it seem like I wasn't-"
"No," Mat says emphatically. "You have nothing to apologize for. This was all me."
You put your hands on his shoulders gently, pulling back a little bit and frowning slightly when you see his face. He frowns when he sees yours, his hands coming to your face and brushing your tears away with his thumbs.
"I didn't mean to make you sad." He mutters.
You laugh a little, thumbing away his tears too. "I didn't mean to make you sad either. C'mon, let's sit down."
You lead him over to the couch, and instead of sitting like you intended, Mat lays down, pulling you with him until you're pressed against the back of the couch and he's essentially wrapped himself around you.
"You're a whole person," he says once you're both settled. "Relationships should be about adding to one another's lives, not trying to take away from them, and I thought I was doing that, but I wasn't. I was asking for something that wasn't for us, but for me, and I'm sorry."
"I get where you were coming from," you assure him. "And I accept your apology."
A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and Mat's breathing starts to even out as his tears settle. Eventually, the late hour blinks at you from your cable box, and Mat runs a finger along your jawline. "I can go home, if you want."
You shake your head. "You can stay the night, I want you to."
"Are you sure?" He checks.
"Yes," you assure him, starting to sit up and pulling him with you. "I think we've earned ourselves a good night's sleep."
The two of you head into your bathroom to start to get ready for bed, and Mat reaches for your hairbrush while you brush your teeth, running his fingers through it every now and again.
Something in your mirror's reflection catches your eyes, and after you rinse your mouth out and put your toothbrush away, you turn to Mat, tilting your head at him curiously.
"What is it?" He asks, setting your brush down on the counter.
"How about a drawer?" You ask, and Mat blinks at you.
"What do you mean?"
"A drawer," you repeat. "A drawer of your things at my place, and a drawer of my things at yours. It's not moving in, but it's a...a baby step."
Mat's quiet for a second, looking at you almost as if to make sure you're certain about your offer before he say anything. He must decide eventually that you are, because eventually, he nods. "I'd like that."
You hold your hand out to him, and Mat raises a brow at it. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Barzal."
Mat laughs, rolling his eyes before he puts his hand in yours and tugs you to him, pressing his lips to yours.
"I love you so much," he whispers against them.
You smile into his next kiss, winding your arms around his neck. "I love you too."
#mathew barzal#mat barzal#mathew barzal x reader#mat barzal x reader#requests#writing challenge#mendeshoney masterlist
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Tsukasa Is Tsukasa
Recently I discovered a poll asking if people thought the Supernatural Tsukasa and the Red House Tsukasa were different, and the results surprised me! A majority of voters thought they were not the same. Not only that, but I've seen many people in the fandom start believing they are separate people, if they hadn't already believed it before.
I think this stance can very easily be explained by the scene in Chapter 111 where Amane comes to the conclusion that the Tsukasa who went missing isn't the same as the one who came back:
While people might be divided on the details, the conclusion is basically the same: whatever that is inside of him, it's not Amane's brother.
And I can see why they think this! In fact, it used to be a popular theory back during the release of chapters 78-82 when we didn't know the specifics of what happened. Heck, we still don't know many of the specifics...and many people continued believing the Tsukasas were different anyway!
There's decent evidence to support this, too. When Tsukasa returned, he had sharp teeth and supernatural powers. He knew that Kunishige's wish was that the head priest would die. He's demonstrably different from the innocent little Tsukasa that sacrificed his life for Amane.
If that wasn't enough, even his own mom came to the conclusion that Tsukasa wasn't her son! This is basically the same conclusion Amane comes to in Chapter 111. That's 2/3 of Tsukasa's family members thinking some evil entity is larping around in his skin--not a good look!
In any case, while I could try and convince you guys there are two Tsukasas and the Tsukasas are different, that's not what I'm here to do. If you read my blog you already know I'm 100% on the side that Tsukasa is Tsukasa and always has been, and nothing AidaIro has shown me so far has been convincing enough to change my mind. In this post, I am here to argue that the Red House Tsukasa is the same as the Supernatural Tsukasa and that he merely works in tandem with the ancient god living inside him.
1. Chapter 82
This is the chapter when a lot of people dropped the theory that there are two Tsukasas, including me. (Yes, I used to believe there were two Tsukasas--people change!)
Kou and Nene had determined that the Red House Tsukasa was the real Tsukasa and that the one Amane killed was a fake. They come to this conclusion because this Tsukasa was trapped in the Red House for 50 years and acts a lot nicer and sweeter than the one we know.
The issue is, Kou tells this Tsukasa that Amane is going to kill Tsukasa and die at the age of 13...and unbeknownst to Kou, the seemingly innocent little Red House Tsukasa is EXCITED at the idea! Tsukasa, thankful to Kou and Nene, helps them escape the house but stays behind. This scene is when a lot of cool stuff happens.
First, we learn that Tsukasa wasn't actually trapped in the Red House and he always knew how to get back home, but that he never left because he was worried about what would happen to Amane. However, once Kou told him that Amane wasn't happy after Tsukasa left and that Amane kills not just Tsukasa but also himself, Tsukasa realizes he doesn't know that much about Amane and wants to learn more. The most shocking part of this scene to me was that Tsukasa's excitement at dying was very similar to the lighthearted way the Supernatural Tsukasa brings up his death with Amane.
Second, we see Tsukasa not only has the entity he sacrificed himself to to save Amane stored in his chest, but that he holds a conversation with it.
The entity being shown in his chest is actually a popular argument for the "Tsukasa isn't Tsukasa" theory, but I feel this scene proves otherwise. Tsukasa is not the unwilling host of this entity, as one might expect, but instead almost treats it as a friend. They have a sort of symbiotic relationship going on, and Tsukasa makes the decision to go back wholly of his own, despite them both knowing how to get back the entire time. He even says "let's go back TOGETHER," which supports the idea that they work together and that it isn't simply piloting a Tsukasa meat puppet.
We can argue Tsukasa is the victim to the entity's machinations, that the entity needed Tsukasa to do it willingly or that the entity took full control of Tsukasa after he succumbed to the flames or what not and tricked him, but so far AidaIro has only shown cooperation between these two characters. It's not unreasonable to suggest that Tsukasa gaining supernatural powers after he comes back isn't a sign that he's a different being entirely but that he's just working with one.
2. Mother Doesn't Always Know Best
This one will be a quick section, but considering Mother Yugi is basically the origin of "Tsukasa isn't Tsukasa" I wanted to cover why I think she's wrong.
In Chapter 79 Kunishige recounts how Mother Yugi took Tsukasa to their shrine because she thought her son was possessed by a demon after being spirited away. Kunishige thinks she's crazy at first, and so do the priests, who find nothing wrong with Tsukasa. Put a pin in that btw.
However, Kunishige later learns she was onto something because Tsukasa is not only an incredibly unsettling child but he correctly predicts the death of the head priest of the shrine and tells Kunishige his wish, for the head priest to disappear, would be granted tomorrow. This proves Tsukasa has otherworldly power, since he knows Kunishige's wish without Kunishige telling him, and also might have the ability to grant wishes, something the entity in his chest is shown to be capable of.
Now, I personally think the fact that the priests found nothing wrong with Tsukasa is HUGELY in favor of my theory. I understand how you can argue that the entity somehow avoided detection because it's powerful, or because there was nothing left of the original Tsukasa or something, but I still think the fact the priests detected nothing wrong is extremely weird. What if that's because Tsukasa is still in control?
I think the fact Mother Yugi was convinced Tsukasa isn't her son and wasn't persuaded otherwise is important, too. In fact, I think it might directly correlate with the conclusion Amane makes in Chapter 111. I think Amane is more or less coming to the same conclusion his mother made, something he hadn't wanted to believe at first but eventually, finally, succumbed to. I have to imagine his mother's insistence that Tsukasa wasn't Tsukasa left a big impression on Amane, and it's something that's bothered him for years.
I can't exactly blame them both, either. By the time Tsukasa came back, he'd lost a lot of his innocence. Keep in mind that they think Tsukasa was gone for six months. Any normal 4-year-old kid might have been traumatized by leaving his family for six months, but Tsukasa just acts creepy and possessed. And despite him meeting Nene and Kou 50 years in the future, it's possible it really was only six months for Tsukasa! Time worked differently there. Still, it's not hard to see how the extreme circumstances he was in might have changed him. Not only was he stuck in a haunted death house, he later learns the wish he granted for Amane wasn't Amane's true wish and that Amane kills Tsukasa. This is all pretty life-changing information, and when you tack on the fact that he's buddy-buddy with an ancient man-eating god, it's really not that surprising Tsukasa has changed so dramatically, especially when he's still at the tender age of 4.
3. Behavior
For something that's supposedly replaced Tsukasa entirely, it certainly gets very personal with Amane, doesn't it?
I said before that Red House Tsukasa in Chapter 82 acts similar to Supernatural Tsukasa. How they find delight in death. But I don't think this is the only point of similarity between them, either. In Chapter 81, Red House Tsukasa is under the impression that Amane hates him.
In Chapter 111, after Amane tells Tsukasa he hates him, Tsukasa tells him he already knew that.
Mind you, this line comes seconds before Amane comes to the conclusion that Tsukasa isn't Tsukasa.
Think about it. Tsukasa tells Amane that he knows Amane hates him, echoing a sentiment that the Red House Tsukasa shares. And Amane, after hearing this, comes to the conclusion that this Tsukasa is an impostor.
Isn't that... really sad?! I mean, I'm not going to say that Amane's whole reasoning for Tsukasa being a fake is that he thinks Amane hates him, but...before this scene, Amane was saying he couldn't destroy his yorishiro because he cared about Tsukasa too much. And for Tsukasa to say something he's thought ever since Amane pushed him as a little kid, and for THAT to make Amane say he thinks Tsukasa is fake... it really shows they've never understood each other at all.
Tsukasa's never been shown to get extremely upset about being hated by Amane, either, so you can't say Amane is right just because Tsukasa is laughing in Chapter 111. Tsukasa initially seems shocked when he was pushed, and overall seems a little sad about it in Chapter 81, but he still remarks that Amane hates him with a smile. He's selfless about it. And later, when he learns Amane kills him, this feeling gets more complex. Despite Kou's attempts to convince him otherwise, I think Kou's reveal only made Tsukasa more convinced that Amane hates him, and this is shown in Chapter 111 when he laughs about it. It's just a funny joke to him at this point.
I...genuinely cannot reconcile this behavior with Tsukasa being a fake. I just can't! Why would the entity be this personal with Amane? Why would it share opinions that the supposedly "real" Tsukasa had? If AidaIro really is trying to write a story about a little boy being replaced by a supernatural entity, then they could at least do a better job of making them act different. TBHK makes it clear that supernaturals can experience human emotions just as strongly as actual humans, so it wouldn't surprise me if the god has its own personality and feelings, but for them to just...be the exact same as the human it replaced? I'm not buying it.
There is no difference between the Red House Tsukasa and the Supernatural Tsukasa that can't be explained away by the fact that people change as they grow older. Everything about Tsukasa's character arc as I've presented it is completely logical.
Conclusion
With so little info on the ancient man-eating god, it's kind of impossible to reach a proper conclusion at this point. All we really know about its personality is that it hungers for flesh and will grant any wish in exchange for it. With this in mind, it's incredibly easy to see why people think the god and Supernatural Tsukasa are one and the same, especially when the cast tends to treat them as such. I could just as easily write a post in favor of them being different as I could of them being the same.
And I think this is what AidaIro ultimately wants! I think AidaIro wants us to second guess ourselves. If I know anything about Aidairo, it's that they like to keep up on our toes and shock us with surprising twists. Who really knows what they have hiding up their sleeves?
Still, I feel the theory that the god replaced Tsukasa raises more questions than answers, and I hope I managed to explain my side of things.
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cara mia
ALEJANDRO VARGAS X F!READER
inspired by the glorious lovers, Gomez and Morticia.
a request that i hope will succeed to mend every heart i broke because of certain angst
summary: you can't love someone more than yourself and live everyday as if it's the last.. well, certainly not according to you and your lover
warnings: none, sfw, pure fluff <3
note: im not that good at writing romance.. im an angst person but yeah that was really entertaining, doing some research and planning 🤭 tysm for your request anon, I'd love hearing from you again, tell me what you think 🫶🏻
"I've finally found you, now my life tastes sweet like cinnamon"
"I think they truly love each other, but I'm not entirely sure," Rudy chuckled at Soap's comment as they observed Alejandro and his lover, you, dancing on the crowded dance floor.
Throughout the night, you danced, kissed, and flirted, seemingly inseparable.
Los Vaqueros had organized a party to celebrate their latest mission after the tank operation. It was an ideal opportunity for Alejandro to introduce you to his brothers and new allies: Gaz, Soap, Ghost, and Captain Price.
The evening had started as a simple get-together, but it quickly turned into a display of intense flirting and hours of dancing and drinks.
Rudy would often joke that Alejandro seemed to forget everyone else when he was with you. He was even distracted at the shooting range, nearly shooting one of his own men when he caught a glimpse of you passing by.
The men sitting at the table laughed, sipping their beers while keeping an eye on the couple swaying on the dance floor. "I can't believe this is the same man I used to work with. He is completely smitten with her," Rudy laughed heartily, clearly becoming more and more tipsy.
Shaking his head, he smiled. "No hermano, Alejandro and _ are not whipped. They simply love each other. They've had this connection ever since they met."
You had met Alejandro years ago, during a time when you both had to work together amidst the scandalous movements of the cartel. After a period of dating, he proposed, and within a year, you were married. Though Alejandro had some flaws, such as anger issues and work addiction, he never let that affect your relationship. Any disagreement or argument would swiftly be resolved with passionate apologies shared behind closed doors. Some never started believing in soulmates till they witnessed the Colonel and his wife dancing bachata at 2 am.
To Alejandro, you were a delicate flower, even with your own strong-willed nature. He took pleasure in watching you bark orders to incompetent recruits.
When some of his men playfully asked him whether he'll choose you over eternity.. well of course he chose you. Because, quoting him: "how could I choose a life where you are not by my side, cara mia? I'd consider it as hell itself. For me, amor, I'd rather hold you for a brief moment over any eternities."
You, on the other side, proudly showcased your love for him. The bond you shared was powerful and seemingly magical. Together, you lived for the moment, sucking the joy of life and spating out the sorrow. There wasn't any words that could describe how you feel about him.
Crazy? maybe. Deeply in love? Absolutely.
Taking a break from dancing, you volunteered to get drinks, and Alejandro made his way back to the table. A broad smile adorned his face as he glanced at you, seated closely to him, holding onto his arm. You smiled back, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as he kissed your forehead and kept a protective arm around your waist.
Captain Price chuckled and patted Alejandro's back, remarking, "Well son, you never told us you were married. Rudy mentioned it before he passed out."
You glanced at Alejandro, resting your elbow on the table, cheek supported by your palm, wearing a playful smirk.
"Is that so? He didn't mention me even once? Must have been pretty busy, right, amor?"
Alejandro held your hand, gently squeezing it within his calloused palm and placing soft kisses on your fingertips.
"Just because I didn't talk about you doesn't mean you weren't on my mind, Querida. You reside there constantly, occupying every thought of mine."
"That was cheesy, Alejandro. Eres increíble!" you teased, his eyes seemed to flicker like stars shining in his dark brown orbs. He drew closer to you, his smile wide.
"You really shouldn't speak Spanish to me, amor. You know it drives me mad."
"I'd absolutely love seeing you mad, Hermoso."
The men around the table followed your conversation, enraptured by this side of Alejandro.He was unafraid to show you off, proud of your relationship and unapologetic about his love for you. In fact, if he was to be called out for loving you this much, he'd proudly wear the title. He cherished you deeply, and you had no worries about the cartel using you against him. They knew not to cross that line, for you were a protected and treasured part of Alejandro's life. God help the ones who tried to cross it, let some peace fall upon their limp bodies.
After a long night, it was almost four in the morning when you and Alejandro reached your home. In the blue hour, you both would often take a moment to witness the captivating beauty of nature while wrapped in each other's arms.
Alejandro gently tilted your chin, meeting your gaze with a smile as he whispered slurred words into your ear.
"Do you remember our honeymoon, darling?"
"Which one, amor? Every day with you feels like a honeymoon, and you're definitely giving me a sweet tooth."
"..The night after we got married," he reminisced. "When everyone had left, leaving only you and me. We sat on the balcony, with the cold wind weaving through our hair. I held you close as the sun rose."
A slight smile formed on your lips as you relived the memory. Your fingertips lingered on the burning flesh of his cheek. Closing your eyes, his words sank in the depth of your mind.
"Do you ever realize you become a poet when you're drunk?"
"Just for you, amor, I'll be anything you want, if you wanted me to get you the stars, I'll collect every piece of them, even if i died trying. But if you wanted to shove me away, I'll stick with you for eternity and beyond. You're too precious for me, cara mia"
His hand found yours, in slow movements and dizzy stares, he squeezed your palm. As if the simple mouvement was a promise, a vow for you.
"I want to recreate that moment tonight," Alejandro murmured, his voice filled with warmth and love. "Let's stay up until the sun rises again, and we can relive our love story once more."
You nodded, anticipation gleaming in your eyes. Hand in hand, you made your way to the balcony, watching as the sky transformed from dark to a palette of soft hues. Wrapped in each other's arms, you whispered sweet nothings, promising to love, support, and protect one another until the end of time.
This kind of love that almost felt irreal, you shared a deep mutual connection that none could explain, and neither of you tried.
If anything, you just loved each other. You digged and bathed in the joy, forgetting the sorrow. Was this a blessing of life, an apology for the misery your souls endured during lifetimes?
Or were you simply lucky enough of to find the missing piece of your heart?
For the matter, you both knew that this love was enough to mend your hearts, over and over again.
As the first rays of sunlight kissed your skin, Alejandro leaned in and whispered against your lips.
"Te amo, mi vida. Forever and always."
"Te amo también, mi amor. Nada ni nadie nos separará."
(can i marry him please? i stg he's perfect. sorry if it's not accurate or not what you expected. ily all 🫶🏻❤️)
#cod headcanons#task force 141#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty headcanons#alejandro vargas#alejandro cod#ghost cod#rudy cod#rudy parra#captain john price#ghost simon riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley#cod mwii#cod modern warfare#cod fanfiction#alejandro mw2#alejandro vargas x reader#alejandro x f!reader#fall4rudy#kyle gaz garrick#könig mw2#gomez addams#gomez and morticia#morticia addams#romance#cod fanfic#mw2 fanfic#cod mw2
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Secret Whispers (ln4)
✨ join waratah's (over) 100 follower celebration ✨
Made to order for my love @flowerchild-96
Tagged: landonorris
Liked by carmenmmundt, yourfriend and 78,368 others
ynhamilton: Alexa, play Reunited by Peaches & Herb
yourfriend: Boy is whipped
↳ landonorris: Happily 🥰
landonorris: pls don't leave me again
↳ ynhamilton: I didn't come to ONE race
↳ landonorris: And I barely survived without you
softboynorris: this is the content I signed up for
↳ ynhamilton: Glad to be of service.
Tagged: roscoelovescoco
Liked by lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1 and 63,108 others
ynhamilton: Good race this week. Roscoe made some great strategy calls.
lewishamilton: Roscoe made it to your photo dump and I didn't?
↳ ynhamilton: Boy got a promotion he deserved the feature
↳ lewishamilton: Can't argue with that.
↳ landonorris: I took the first photo and I didn't even get a credit
↳ ynhamilton: landonorris You signed up for photography duty when you begged me to date you
↳ landonorris: ynhamilton Baby I'm not complaining that my camera roll is 90% you
↳ lewishamilton: I'm turning off notifications if this is going to continue.
yourfriend: can I just be the first to say daaaaayum 🔥
Liked by ynhamilton
Liked by f1wags, f1driversdaily and 8,274 others
f1gossipgirl: Lando Norris and Lewis Hamilton were seen in a heated discussion after yesterdays race. Lando has been dating Lewis's younger sister for the past three years, rumor has it that the Mercedes driver left the conversation with the McLaren driver calling after him.
laaaaando: I need the tea now... Where's Pierre?
↳ charlesisstupid: Or Esteban he has the good goss.
f1driversdaily: It has to have something to do with ynhamilton, right?
dannyric: He cheated on his girlfriend. Some girl on TikTok said she hooked up with him in Miami.
↳ softboynorris: Denial is a river in Egypt
Tagged: yourfriend, yourfriend1, yourfriend2
Liked by landonorris, carmenmmundt and 52,389 others
ynhamilton: Tequila with extra lime please
landonorris: How do you look like that? 😍😍😍
Liked by ynhamilton
yourfriend1: Too much dancing. My feet hurt 😭
↳ yourfriend2: I told you to wear flats!
↳ ynhamilton: But fashion!
laaaando: she's wearing a necklace with an L on it 🥺
↳ softboynorris: For Lando... I'm not crying ur crying
Liked by ynhamilton
Liked by pierregasly, f1wags and 9,362 others
f1gossipgirl: Lando Norris and Lewis Hamilton have appeared made up after their alleged argument at the last race. The two drivers were spotted laughing together before qualifying.
laaaando: Pierre what do you know?
↳ charlesisstupid: He must know something.
estiebestie: This drama seems so dumb.
↳ carlando4eva: Nah I bet something happened... Something to do with Lewis's sister/Lando's girlfriend.
ynhamilton and landonorris
Liked by lewishamilton, mclaren and 2,469,284 others
ynhamilton: The easiest yes of my entire life. I can't wait to become Mrs. Norris ❤
landonorris: The easiest question I've ever asked. Love you baby ❤
Liked by ynhamilton
lewishamilton: I know I told you two all the sappy stuff in person but congratulations again ❤
↳ ynhamilton: 🥺 love you big bro
↳ landonorris: Thanks again for your blessing mate
susie_wolff: Congratulations sweetheart!
↳ ynhamilton: Thank you Susie!
charles_leclerc: MATE! How?
↳ landonorris: Not a clue mate. Still pinching myself.
softboynorris: The dots are connecting...
↳ carlando4eva: It all makes sense!
read more of my writing here
ﾟ｡ ⋆ mags' radio: Can I just say how frustratingly difficult it was to find these pictures on pinterest? So disappointing. ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆
taglist: @fulla02reads @lazybot @rd14 @camillalarke @cool-ultra-nerd @xeliaaaa @azxulaa @hrlzy @ghosttwit @booksobsess @formulakay3
(if you're not highlighted I couldn't tag you. If you'd like to be removed from the tag list please send me a message.)
#waratah-vroom perfumes#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x you#lando norris instagram edit#lando norris insta au#lando norris smau#f1 instagram au#f1 instagram#f1 fanfic#f1
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Trust -W2S
Words: 0.9k+
Warnings: angst, jealousy, argument.
In which you and Simon have known each other all your lives but everything changes when he meets a certain girl.
a/n: I absolutely love Talia! This does in no way represent her irl🤍
I've known Simon my entire life. I met him during my first year in preschool, and we immediately became inseparable. We also share a birthday (7th of September). Since I moved to London with Simon I naturally became great friends with the boys, along with Freya and Faith. Our relationship has always been completely platonic, he's like a brother to me and I wouldn't dream of ever going near him in that way. Each girlfriend he's had has always seemed liked me, I presume it's because I make sure that they know I'm a girls girl and always make an effort to become their friend too.
Until he met Talia. She has made it very clear that she doesn't trust me, which completely confused me since I've been nothing but nice to her. It's been 3 months since Simon met her and I've barely seen him. He avoids me at parties, every night out and rarely replies to any of my messages.
One night during a party at JJ's apartment... as I walked towards the counter containing all the alcohol I realised Simon was leaning there with his back against the marble and arms crossed. I took a deep breath and quickly lent over him to grab one of the red cups. "What are you doing?!" My brows furrowed as I quickly turned around. Talia stood in front of me with an angry look on her face. "Getting a drink?" I replied. "Didn't look like it." She retaliated angrily. I turned my head to Simon. He stood sheepishly looking at the ground. I huffed "you know what, I'm so fucking tired of your shit. Both of you!" I shouted. Everyone quickly gathered around the kitchen area. "I've known him my whole fucking life!" I spat in Talia's face. When nether of them said a word I shook my head in disbelief, grabbed my things and left, with a quick "sorry" to JJ on my way out.
That night I got a text from Harry checking if I was alright and after that we became close, sitting in the corner and chatting amongst ourselves at parties and nights out (that he'd made sure I was invited to), going round to each other's houses to watch a movie (even though he hates them) and eat takeout, texting constantly, etc.
One night while we were sat on my sofa, my feet perched comfortably on his lap, he told me he liked me. Surprisingly it wasn't at all awkward and I quickly told him I felt the same. When we told everyone they seemed very happy for us. I didn't personally tell Simon but I believe JJ informed him about it, which felt weird because we always told each other everything.
Soon after Harry asked me to be his girlfriend while we were on a date in a cute restaurant, obviously I said yes. It continued on like that for another few weeks. I seriously missed Simon, I mean we've known each other forever. We did everything together and I'm so incredibly appreciative of Harry but I just feel like something's missing. So for the first time in months I decided to text him.
y/n:
Hey, how are you?
Simon:
I'm good
You?
y/n:
Fine
I miss you
Simon:
I miss you too
How are you and Harry?
y/n:
Really good
I'm glad he's been here for me when you weren't
Simon:
I'm sorry.
Are you free tomorrow?
y/n:
Why?
Simon:
Talia wants to apologise
And so do I
That message shocked me. I told him I was free so I'm going round to his apartment tomorrow at 1.
The next day... I woke up relatively early, got dressed into some comfy clothes, did my skincare, hair, then had some breakfast. Once I was finished it was almost 1 so I grabbed my phone and left.
When I arrived outside the apartment building I let myself in using the code that I've had memorised for years, said a quick "hello" to the receptionist then made my way up through the lift. I knocked on Simon's door. And played with my hands while I waited. The door clicked, I took a deep breath. He stood with a comforting smile on his face. "Come in." He said, stepping aside. I nervously walked into the apartment, then he led me towards the living room, where Talia sat on the sofa. Both me and Simon sat down. It was silent for a moment before Talia spoke "I'm ready sorry y/n," she began "I should've trusted you. I- I was just a little intimidated by how good you and Simon's friendship was and I was worried he'd chose you over me." I smiled lightly. "I understand." Her head shot up. "You do?" She questioned. I nodded "I'd feel the same way, but if you'd just gotten to know me you'd have realised that I seriously wouldn't go near him with a six foot pole." "Oi!" Simon shouted, offended. Talia laughed.
After almost an hour sat in the apartment it became considerably less awkward, and I realised that Talia was actually a really nice girl. Simon also apologised for pushing me away and since life's too short to hold grudges I easily forgave them both.
#fanfic#image#oneshot#sidemen#w2s#harry lewis#harry w2s#w2s imagine#w2s x reader#w2s fic#wrotoshaw#miniminter#simon minter#talia mar#faith kelly#freya nightingale#vikkstar123#behzinga#zerkaa#ksi#tobjzl#angst#friends to lovers#jealousy
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Got Me Thinking
Part 8: When I Needed You Most
Synopsis: This is supposed to be a time of healing, so you let Jack know what you had been feeling since the last time the two of you spoke despite how difficult it is. You feel like he failed you, but unexpectedly, a piece of paper is about to change both of your lives forever.
Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader
Series Masterlist 💕
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
As hard as it was for Jack to walk away from you that night, he knew if he had wavered for a second then he would have instantly changed his mind and went right back to you. It was a difficult decision for him to make, but when he really sat down and thought about it, it made the most sense. A lot had occurred within the last six months and knew that your anxiety was probably getting the best of you and instead of putting pressure on you by being in the situation, he decided to take a step back in order for both of you to begin to properly heal.
He didn't leave until you fell asleep and made sure you were safe at this point, he was praying that you didn't run off again.
He drove back to his house in silence and was surprised to walk in to see Kelsey gathering all of her things. Or what was left of them for that matter. Ever since he had gotten back from Paris and being with you, of course an argument took place about the paparazzi pictures when Kelsey finally confronted him and he owned up to it.
He loved you and didn't love her and didn't want to be with her anymore.
“Oh, I thought that you would be with her. I was trying to be gone before you got back.” She quietly said as she was zipping one of her suitcases.
“I was earlier.”
“Can we just talk for a second? No bullshit.” She asked and Jack slowly nodded before shrugging, because at this point what did he have to lose?
“I knew. I knew and I didn't want to believe it. From the moment you brought her to your show and I saw how everyone gravitated towards her, I instantly got jealous because I couldn't even remember the last time you looked at me like how you looked at her. Actually, you never have. Not even on our wedding day. Since then, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to compete and when Clay told me that you and her were just friends, I highly doubted it.”
“Kelsey…”
“Just let me finish. Please. I'm sorry for what I did to you and I'm sorry for how I've treated you overall for these last few months.”
“Hmm, more so an entire two years, but go on.”
“I deserved that. I'm realizing how bad I've hurt you and I started pushing you away so you going back to your ex is not surprising and I should have seen it coming. I just want you to be happy at the end of the day and I now know that Y/N is the one who brings you happiness and not me. I should have been able to realize this on my own, but it took me talking to my therapist and my sister to see how wrong I was. I mean I cheated first so I guess this is my karma.”
“At one point in time, I did see myself being with you for the rest of my life, but Kelsey, you changed and it wasn't for the better.”
“That's fair and I agree. I wasn't the nicest person. I just…. want this divorce to go as smoothly as possible so whatever you want me to sign, I'll do it. Here's your key back. And I wish the best for you and Y/N, jealousy aside, she seems like an amazing girl who loves and cares about you a lot. I'm sorry that I took you for granted. I know now that we were kinda doomed from the beginning because of what I did. Take care of yourself and take care of Y/N.” Kelsey placed the house key in Jack’s hand before grabbing her suitcase and making her way towards the front door.
Once the door shut, Jack had sat down on the couch playing with the key in his hands and trying to make sense of what had just happened. If circumstances were different, you would be the first person that he told, but figured that it was best to give you your space.
—
You didn’t bother moving when you heard the front door open knowing that it was Tania who just got done her shift and had the rest of the day to herself which meant that she would be all up under you and not letting you out of her sight.
“Y/N, are you watching White Men Can't Jump again? This is the fourth time today and maybe the fifteenth time this week.” Tania said as she came into your bedroom to see you surrounded by snacks and Jack's face on the TV.
“I miss him and he hates me.” You quietly responded before stuffing another cheese puff into your mouth.
You were back in Calabasas in your house and Tania had been staying with you because everyone just knew that you were probably going to make a run for it again, even though you had said that you weren't.
“He does not hate you and I'm sure he misses you too. But you damn near gave all of us a heart attack…. again. I got on the first flight I could find to come and look for your ass.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Stop it. Stop apologizing. What's done is done. Now you have to start healing. Did you call that therapist that my cousin had recommended?”
When you were quiet, she grabbed the remote to press pause.
“How are you supposed to heal if you won't even try? This is not what you do to start to heal.”
“I'll do it tomorrow.”
“And I'm going to keep bothering you until you do.”
“Tania, I literally uprooted the life that I've known for like the past 5 years for him all to be like we need to work on ourselves before we be together how we want to be. Like what the fuck? You couldn't have figured that out before? In that regard, I'm pissed at him.”
“And I see why because I would be too. However, look at it from this perspective. He loves you enough to be honest and tell you that because he wants the relationship to be successful. We are all literally rooting for the two of you. I'm going to be here with you every step of the way. You can always call him, because what's stopping you? But… what the hell are you eating? Did you just dip your cheese puff in cream cheese and peanut butter?”
“What? I'm hungry?”
“No, that is the diet of someone who is pregnant.”
You looked over at her and rolled your eyes as you grabbed another one.
“You are literally so dramatic. I can't be. Already took a test when I was with Jack and it was negative. I'm just hungry like I said. Stop making a big deal out of everything.”
“Y/N, you have never eaten that when you're hungry so cut the bullshit.”
All of a sudden, a wave of nausea hit you and you then hopped up to run into the bathroom emptying the contents of your stomach with Tania right behind you.
Once you were finished, you stood up and brushed your teeth before splashing cold water on your face and Tania was eyeing you through the mirror.
“There’s a baby in there.”
“No there isn't and stop wishing that on me. I can't have a baby right now because that is only going to complicate things. It's not like me and Jack are exactly talking to one another.”
“Let's just take another one and see. I'll go buy it.”
All you did was let out a groan before rolling your eyes at her.
“Auntie Tania reporting for duty.”
“I can still kick you out of my house.”
—
Jack had been pacing back and forth in the studio while staring at his phone debating on if he was going to call you. It had been a few weeks and he wanted to check in on you and make sure that you were okay, but he wasn't quite sure if you would be willing to talk to him.
A few people came with him to Nashville to start working on new music, but truth be told, he did it to get out of Louisville and to hopefully get his mind off of you.
And his plan was failing…. Miserably. He couldn't focus for more than thirty minutes at a time.
“Will you just call her already?” Clay asked while glancing at his older brother.
“If you keep this up, you’re going to run a hole in the floor and I'm not paying for it.” Neelam said from behind him as she walked into the room.
“I'll call her for you!” 2fo yelled from the corner as he had just opened a bag of cheetos.
“I don't understand why you're acting like this when you were the one who broke it off with Y/N in the first place.” Urban quietly said and Jack shot him a look.
“I didn't break it off! We're taking a break. Hiatus if you will.”
“Why are you yelling at us? We didn't tell you to do that. It seems like you're more miserable now then you were when you and Kelsey were a thing. If you could call it that.”
“Ew, I just got chills and not the good kind.” Clay confessed and Urban stifled a laugh.
“We needed to. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was important. She literally had all of us looking for her for hours and didn't even think to let anyone know that she was okay.”
“Still better than Kelsey in my book.”
“URBAN!” Neelam scolded and he held his hands up in defense.
“Just call her.” Clay said as he picked up Jack's phone and handed it to him.
“She probably doesn't want to talk to me.”
“Hmm, I wouldn't either after I left my husband, quit my job, and moved back home to be with you and then you break up with me.”
“URBAN, FOR THE LAST TIME WE DIDN’T BREAK UP.”
“But yall are not together though.” Clay said while taking a long sip of his smoothie as he was backing up Urban and Jack sighed.
“Not too much on my mans now! He fumbled a baddie though.” 2fo piped up with cheeto stained fingers as Jack shook his head.
“Jack…. I don't know who allowed you to be an adult because the math is NOT mathing when it comes to you and making decisions regarding relationships. Y/N is EVERYTHING you want! And you have your opportunity right in front of you! Go and call your girl.”
Jack didn't have a chance to respond as his phone vibrated in his hand to see that it was a facetime call from you.
“Look at his face, it's her!”
“ANSWER IT!”
Once your face popped up on the screen, Jack could tell that you had been crying and immediately asked why you were upset.
“Buttercup, what's going on?”
“Are you by yourself? Because this can't wait.”
“Give me a minute.” Jack responded as he left the room to walk down the hallway.
Once he was in a secluded corner, he asked you to tell him what was going on.
In response you simply switched the camera view to show a piece of paper and the section that was highlighted on it.
Jack's jaw had now hit the floor.
He had to read it multiple times to make sure he had read it right.
“Is that? Is that real?” He quietly asked and you got a dumbfounded look on your face as you turned the camera back to you.
“That was a dumb question. I'm sorry, but how?”
“She's saying that when I did it the first time, it's possible that it was too early and that's why.”
“Fuck.”
“That's all you have to say?” You asked catching a slight attitude because you were growing increasingly annoyed.
“I just… I'm surprised that's all and I definitely wasn't expecting this.” Jack said, attempting to plead his case.
“And I was?”
“Y/N, please. The last thing I want to do is fight with you. We're going to get through this.”
“There is no we in this unless we're together and last time I checked, we weren't. And keep in mind that was your choice. You left when I needed you the most and didn't even think twice about it. You saw that I was hurting and what did you do? Decide that it wasn't the best idea for us to be together even though you knew how bad I wanted to be.”
“Buttercup….”
“I'll talk to you later I guess.”
“Wait!”
Before he could get another word in, you hung up the phone.
#jack harlow#jack harlow fic#jack harlow concepts#jack harlow x reader#jack harlow x black reader#jack harlow fanfic#jack harlow angst#jack harlow imagine#jack harlow concept#jack harlow fluff
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A is for Assbutt, ch. 1
Summary:
Dean has been a teacher for five years, and a dad for three. Well, he'd been a dad for six years, but Lydia failed to share that information. When she died in a car accident, he got custody of Emma, who became his entire life in an instant.
Charlie and Stevie tell Dean he needs to date, but as a single dad, he can't just pick up anyone. Emma comes first.
A chance meeting with another single dad at pickup, the father of Emma's friend Jack, has possibilities suddenly occurring to Dean. Cas has sole custody of Jack, and is also the legal guardian of his neice, Claire.
Can Dean and Cas make it work?
~~
The mid-winter sun shone down on the schoolyard. Kids were running every which way as shouts and laughter echoed off the red brick of Crestview Public School, where Dean had been teaching for five years. He, along with two other teachers, was on yard duty, and he blew on his chilled fingers, his gloves forgotten at home yet again.
“Mister Dean!”
The shrill cry, urgent and angry, but not injured, pulled his attention to the boy running full tilt toward him, a smaller figure trailing behind. The bigger kid, Ryan, stopped in front of him, the smile curving his lips wide with an unholy glee that he remembered far too well from the previous year when the little shit of a bully – sorry, energetic and strong-willed child – was in his second-grade class.
“He called me the B-word!” Ryan declared, pointing at the younger boy, who tilted his head in confusion at Ryan before turning big blue eyes on Dean and shaking his head.
“Did not,” he said solemnly, and Ryan turned on him, looking like he was about to turn the argument physical. Dean stepped between them quickly, holding a hand out, and Ryan stopped his charge, a mulish expression on his face.
“He did! He’s lying! He called me the B-word!” Ryan shouted, his face red with the cold and with anger, and Dean sighed internally.
“I'll deal with this, Ryan.” He crouched down to be at eye-level with the other boy, who met his gaze earnestly, bright blue eyes open and honest. “What's your name, buddy?”
“I'm Jack Novak, and I'm six years old,” Jack told him promptly, and Dean couldn't help but smile a little. Still, they really tried to discourage name-calling, so he smoothed his expression, going for serious but not threatening.
“Jack, did you call Ryan the B-word?” he asked, and again, Jack tilted his head to one side, a little like a kitten inspecting a bug for the first time.
Jack shook his head.
“I promise I didn't, Mister Dean. My daddy told me I shouldn't lie to teachers.” Dean took a breath, sensing that Ryan was about to explode behind him, but Jack continued. “I called him an assbutt. That doesn't start with a B.”
~~
This is very much a WIP, with 8 chapters already, roughly 30K written so far. I've got a crap-ton of bangs to write, so this is the one that'll be going up as I work on those but can't share.
Read chapter 1 on AO3.
Part of my Embarrassing Things Kids Say series.
~~
Thanks to @nickelkeep and Ariadne for the beta!
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Avoidance (Nikolai Lantsov x Female Reader)
A/N: Heyyyy... it's been a minute... soooo, I could just drop this without saying anything about my disappearance from Tumblr (I mean, I've still been active, but I haven't posted anything), but I figured I should say something. I'm fine. Life's good. I just didn't have the motivation to write. Anyways, this probably sucks ass, but here ya go.
Ro's Masterpost
WORD COUNT: 2.3k words
WARNINGS: SMUT, friends to lovers, argument/yelling, oral (f receiving), unprotected P in V (please use a condom), fingering (kinda).
You laughed while Nikolai told the story of a shared childhood memory he had recalled earlier in the day.
You had been seven years old and it was Nikolai's eighth birthday. Another noble boy, the son of a count, you believed, bullied Nikolai throughout his entire birthday party, and you had made it your sole mission to ruin the boy's life, or day at the very least.
You had actually succeeded. You had known that his parents didn't allow him to eat sweets, so you managed to convince him to have one of every pastry served at the party, of which there were quite a few, with it being a young prince's birthday party.
"The poor boy's parents were fuming when they caught him with his face covered in frosting," you cackled and Nikolai threw a pillow from your sofa, which you were both sitting on, at you, which only made you laugh harder.
"I believe they banned him from any social events for a month because of that incident." Nikolai took a small sip of his whiskey.
"I still think he deserved it."
"Oh, of course."
You settled in a comfortable silence, sipping your drinks, chuckling every few seconds. Nikolai scooted closer to you on the couch, moving the pillow he had thrown at you off your lap and next to him.
You leaned your head on his shoulder. He took a deep inhale before wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you a little closer to him as he took a final sip of his whiskey. Noticing that you had also finished your drink, he took your glass and placed both yours and his on the table in front of you before settling back into you.
"For the record, I would do the same thing for you," Nikolai said, breaking the silence.
You snorted. "You have done the same thing. Remember when we were sixteen? We had just enlisted and that stupid asshole-"
You were interrupted by Nikolai's lips crashing onto yours, pulling you into a kiss. You tensed up for just a few seconds, but before you could return the kiss, he pulled away and turned his body away from you.
"Nik."
Nikolai gathered his coat from your couch and stood up, leaving your room without another word.
Your jaw dropped at the shock that he just left right after kissing you without even giving you a chance to say anything.
Nikolai avoided you for two weeks. Anytime you tried to speak to him he would walk away as if he had somewhere to be. Which, with him being a king, he very well may have had somewhere to be, but it was still rude.
Since he wouldn't come to you, you would go to him. No matter if it was the middle of the night.
You banged on his door, aggressively knocking until he finally opened the door.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed. "It's late. You should be sleeping."
"So should you, but you're not even dressed for bed," you slipped past him and entered his room, stopping at a small table covered in piles of documents of work and you picked one up, "and you're working."
Nikolai closed his door behind you and leaned his back against the wall. "Well, you're dressed for bed." He gestured to the robe that was wrapped around you, covering your nightgown. "Why are you here?"
You dropped the paper back on the table. "I'm here because you kissed me two weeks ago and you have been avoiding me since." He lowered his head to avoid your gaze. "I deserve an explanation."
"I shouldn't have kissed you."
You stomped over to Nikolai. "Says who?"
"Me!" He pointed to his chest. "I shouldn't have put you in that position!"
"If you had waited one more second I would have kissed you back! I was just shocked because I didn't think you returned my feelings for you!"
Nikolai shook his head. "We're not doing this."
"Why?"
He gripped your arms, not nearly enough to hurt you, and pulled your body closer to his. He lowered his lips to your ear. "Because if we start, I won't want to stop," he whispered.
"And what if I don't want you to stop?"
He pulled back from you a little, looking into your eyes. E/C eyes that showed your love for him, your desire for him, and your anger toward him for ignoring you for two weeks.
He swallowed and moved his hands from gripping your upper arms to your lower back, covered by that damn silk robe. He had seen you in it many times before and he considered each moment a blessing. It was your favorite color and it suited your body perfectly.
"Are you sure?"
You nodded. "Yes."
Now having your permission, he spun the two of you, you now pinned against the wall he was previously leaning on. He captured your lips against his, pushing you even closer to the wall while one of your hands landed on the nape of his neck, curling into the short hair there, and the other went to his upper back, pushing him closer to your body.
He obliged your hand's desire, pressing himself against you. His lips wandered from yours to your jaw, then down to your neck. You let out a sigh as you moved your head to the side to give him more access. In appreciation, he sucked a hickey into your neck.
As Nikolai kissed down your body, your hand gripped his hair. Once he was fully kneeling in front of you, he looked up into your eyes as he untied the tie of your robe. He opened the silk fabric, giving him full view of your nightgown-covered body. He pressed a kiss to your clothed hip bone and looked up at you again. "Can you please take your robe off, darling?"
You pushed the robe off your shoulders and let it fall down your arms, dropping it into a pool of silk at your feet. Taking advantage of the robe on the floor, Nikolai placed it under his knees to protect himself from kneeling on the hard floors.
Nikolai dragged his fingers up your leg into your nightgown, pushing it up to your waist. You took the nightgown off and threw it off to the side.
You were left in only your underwear that blocked the one thing Nikolai had on his mind in that moment.
"Can I take these off?" he asked.
"Yes," you whispered.
He dragged the small garment down your legs, lifting your feet to completely remove them from your body.
He took a moment to drink in the visual of your completely naked body. You were perfect. You were the only Saint that he would ever worship, and he intended to do just that.
He nudged your right leg a little bit away from your left, giving you the hint to spread your legs. Once you were where he wanted you, his hands went to your hips and he gave them little massages as he moved his face closer to you.
You took deep breaths as you watched him move closer until he finally placed a kiss on your clit. You gasped, one hand returning to his hair and the other holding onto the doorframe next to you for support.
Nikolai kissed wet, open-mouthed kisses around your pussy, leaving you gasping and moaning while he kept looking up at your face. He kissed and licked and sucked at your entrance and your grip tightened on his messy blond curls.
He licked from your entrance to your clit, closing his eyes as he sucked at it. Your hand moved from his hair to the back of his head to push his face closer into you. After a little fluttering of his tongue on your pussy, then your clit, a high overcame you, making you lean your head back on the wall. One of Nikolai's hands came up to your side to massage it as he worked you through the orgasm, greedily licking at all of your wetness until you pushed his head away.
He smiled as he fell to the floor before he stood back up, holding you against him as he kissed your cheek, whispering praises into your ear while you recovered.
"I've got you, sweetheart. I've got you."
You pulled him into a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips. Slowly, you began making your way to Nikolai's bed until you hit his mattress. You fell down onto the bed, Nikolai following, placing himself on top of you.
You broke the kiss and scrambled to unbutton Nikolai's shirt. Your hands were still shaking, making it difficult to undo the buttons. Noticing your shaking hands, Nikolai took hold of your hands, stopping you. He pressed light kisses on your fingertips.
"Go ahead and lay on the pillows. I'll be right there."
You scooted yourself up his mattress, laying your head comfortably on his pillows as he had asked you to. Only a moment later, Nikolai was crawling above you, completely bare. You looked down his body from his chest, and lower, and lower.
Nikolai gently lifted your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. He pressed a soft kiss in between your eyebrows. "Have you done this before?" he asked.
You nodded. You had had a few flings in your lifetime, as you were sure Nikolai did too, especially during his time as Sturmhond. He had his own flings on the Volkvolny, as did you.
"Good. I'll give you as much time as you need to adjust and if you ever need me to stop, you let me know. I don't want to hurt you."
You gave him a quick kiss. "You could never hurt me. Except for when you avoided me for two weeks, but- Saints."
His cock entering you interrupted you, though it was quite the pleasant interruption. He filled you slowly and perfectly. Nikolai kissed your cheek as his hips met yours. You took some deep breaths as you got used to the feeling of his cock inside of you. Finally, you gave him a ready nod.
Nikolai started off slowly and it wasn't until you asked him to go faster that he sped up. He kissed you deeply as he fucked you. You moaned into those kisses, the feeling of his cock sending you into euphoria.
"Fuck!" you cursed. "A little harder please?"
He obeyed, going just a bit harder, but enough to have you seeing stars. Your hand started moving down your body to rub at your clit, but Nikolai swatted your hand away and rubbed your clit in small circles himself.
Your hands returned to his hair for the millionth time that night, gripping the blond tufts. He gasped.
"Shit, can you pull it harder?"
You tugged on his hair, making him moan loudly. You smiled as you continued pulling on his hair, loving the sounds that escaped him at the feeling.
He began thrusting into you rougher, bringing you closer and closer to the edge of orgasm.
"Nik, fuck! I'm so close!"
Nikolai rubbed at your clit harder. "Me too. Where do you want it?"
"In me! Just-" You groaned, your orgasm overcoming you.
Nikolai wasn't far behind you. It was only a few seconds after your orgasm when you felt his cum shoot into you. He stilled, peppering kisses on your forehead and cheeks.
After you recovered, he slowly pulled out of you, rolling off you and onto the bed to your right. He opened a drawer in his nightstand, grabbed something, and closed it before rolling back to face you and handing you the Alkemi contraceptive. You drank it and he took the empty bottle, placing it on top of the nightstand.
He pulled you closer to him, where your side was tucked close to his torso. The both of you rested in this position for a few moments, you laying on your back, him on his side.
"I'm an idiot," Nikolai said quietly.
You smiled. "Congratulations, you've finally caught up with the rest of us."
He gently pinched your side before lightly laughing.
"What I mean is I shouldn't have avoided you. I shouldn't have left your room that night without letting you say or do anything. I'm sorry."
Your thumb rubbed his cheek. "Apology accepted. On one condition. You tell me how long you've been in love with me."
Nikolai groaned. "My eighth birthday party is when it started. When I saw how determined you were to ruin that idiot's life over him being mean to me."
You laughed. "Wow. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that."
"Now it's your turn."
You shook your head. "I'm not the one who owed an apology."
Nikolai raised his brows. "Fine. Since you don't want to tell me..."
He moved his hand from your side to your clit, rubbing small circles again. You threw your head back on the pillows, cursing.
"Shit, Nik."
He didn't stop. He kept rubbing your clit, occasionally dipping into your pussy for more moisture. He sped up his motions until you came once again. He gathered all of the wetness on his fingers and licked it all off.
"When we were 16 and had just enlisted. That asshole Novikov was harassing me. You punched him in the face one day. Three times. You broke his nose. That's when I fell in love with you."
"Awww. We both fell in love with each other when we harmed other people." He kissed your forehead. "Should we be concerned about that?"
"Probably, but right now, I want to sleep."
Nikolai hummed in response, pulling the blankets over the two of you. You turned to lay on your side as he got up to blow out all of the candles. When he finally got back in bed, he pulled you into him, your back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you.
"I love you," Nikolai whispered.
You closed your eyes. "I love you, too."
"Good night."
You softly smiled to yourself. "Good night."
#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lantsov smut#nikolai lantsov#shadow and bone#grishaverse#rowritesstuff
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I’m not sure if you’ve ever said anything about this, but the first time I read new moon, the vote chapter, there was one bit that really stuck out:
(from Bella’s point of view) Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle. Carlisle ignored that.
Bella later went on to say it was hard to talk clearly with how Edward was holding her jaw. I don’t know if I’ve misunderstood what exactly was happening, but why did the entire family watch that and do nothing? I’ve read the metas where you’ve said it’d take a lot for Carlisle to realise what Edward really is, but surely that’s a pretty massive indicator and Carlisle actively ignored it?
Anon, you're hilarious.
An Aside in Which I Say "Look in the Mirror"
I've been running this blog for a few years now (a terrifying thought) and I'm both a) one of the most critical of Edward in this space (which is not a bad thing, mind, people are free to do what they like) b) often get asks in which I am asked by anons to justify why I think poorly of Edward.
This is on top of the thousands of metas I've written pointing out various things from canon, where I've presented many arguments, and anons still will ask me to make more arguments.
This is fandom, anon, relatively objective observers who are privy to information the characters in the story don't have. We know Bella's exact thoughts, we know how Edward has interacted with her in private, and we even know Edward's private thoughts for at least the duration of Twilight because of Midnight Sun.
AND YET, I AM HERE.
And you ask this as if it should be obvious to the most casual observer.
Back to Your Ask
I've discussed this at length in posts I'm too lazy to look up at the moment but the crux of it is that
a) Edward's a beloved family member and it's deeply hard to think ill of those we love and we want to justify their actions
b) the family doesn't see most of what goes on with Bella and are only told things by Alice and Edward with Alice being firmly on Edward's side
c) Due to his having previously had a redemption arc in which Edward came back unprompted to the diet even though it must have been not only humiliating but terrifying, Edward comes across as one of the Cullens who best understands that human life is worth protecting and just why they're all doing the diet.
This particular moment though, I'd also give Edward a pass if I was present. To touch Bella at all, to move her like this, Edward has to be extraordinarily gentle and careful. If he was at all rough with her, at all, Bella would be dead or seriously injured (with her jaw crushed between Edward's fingers, her neck snapped, etc.) Basically, for Edward to do this at all, he's being incredibly mindful and the Cullens as vampires are very aware of that.
Add onto that that Bella can speak, when this is a guy who's hand is made of stone, he has to be holding her incredibly gently from his perspective for her to be able to speak at all (and not have a broken jaw).
Also from the outside perspective, where Bella and Edward are in this romantic relationship (even though they just got out of being broken up) and they all know Edward's deeply in love with Bella, this looks like an intimate gesture than it does a "LOOK AT ME" gesture. It's not something any of them would do, or a normal person would, but they're also not dating Bella/convinced they're soulmates with her.
Add into that that they're in the middle of a very intense day, in which Edward had just tried to kill himself and is very emotionally fragile, Bella's now asking to be turned directly, the Volturi barely pardoned them, and Edward is coming unglued with the idea that Bella's going to be turned and the Cullens aren't at the top of their game.
They're just trying to get through the conversation where they tell Edward (and Rosalie) that, yes, they actually do have to turn Bella.
This doesn't register as physical violence to them, and I don't blame them for this one.
#twilight#twilight meta#twilight headcanon#twilight renaissance#edward cullen#anti edward cullen#bella swan#the cullens#carlisle cullen#meta#headcanon#opinion
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