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adventures-in-mangaland · 26 days

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I'm going with 10 All Time Classics from the Captain America (MCU) fandom. I mean, they're all classics to me, at least. In no particular order:

1. This, You Protect by owlet

First installment in the Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail series, which are all amazing. It's a “Bucky escaping Hydra and rebuilding his sense of self” fic, which he does while spying on Steve. With eventual Avengers Family and a lovely cast of OCs bonding with Bucky in the meantime. It has a very distinctive perspective and writing style; Bucky's in constant internal (and sometimes accidentally external) dialogue with himself, making it hilarious and tragic all at the same time. I love it. I've recently been getting into The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells and this Bucky has a similar sassy-but-vulnerable vibe? Read this if you like that, anyway.

2. The One Who Knows by Dira Sudis (dsudis)

This is a Political Animals AU, in that no-powers Steve is inserted into the Political Animals world and Bucky is TJ. Discusses being outed and depression but is ultimately hopeful. The author is one of my all time faves and has written lots of great stories for this and many other fandoms.

3. Blue Scales by chaya

Steve is a merman AU. He's still Captain America, though. It's crack with heart, I love it.

Best line: "May your scales and your love story be our weird secret forever.”

4. Our Lingering Frost by eyres

AU where Bucky is rescued from Hydra in the 50s (?) and so is around for Steve to be found.

5. Assets Out of Containment by follow_the_sun

It's a classic to *me*, OK? Bucky goes undercover at Jurassic World just as that movie's plot kicks off. They're Hydra dinosaurs! It's just great. Also has a podfic and crossovers with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

6. Not Easily Conquered (series) by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears

Some of the greatest fanfiction I've ever read, the whole series is epic. Anyway, it's a "Steve doesn't go into the ice" AU with added queer angst when (never sent) love letters from Bucky resurface. I particularly like the second installment in the series The Thirteen Letters, which are just Bucky's letters and are insanely well-written.

7. to memory now I can't recall by Etharei

Time travel AU! Featuring post-CATWS Bucky accidentally switching places with CATFA era Bucky.

8. If Wishing Made It So by Leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)

Genie!Bucky AU! This author is great at writing AUs with fantasy/genre elements, it was hard to choose. They've also written an excellent werewolf!Steve AU and a horse!Steve AU that I really love.

9. Into That Good Night by Nonymos

An Interstellar AU! Very angsty and tragic but with an eventual happy ending.

10. Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square by Speranza

Speranza must be one of the best writers in the fandom, so it was hard to pick just one of their fics. Other strong contenders were All the Angels and the Saints and The Fifties, so check those out too! But this one has a special place in my heart. Steve, Tony and Natasha accidentally time travel to WW2 London, leading to an accidental run-in with CATFA-era Bucky. The author does tragic and romantic time travel tropes so well, but with a happy ending.

I now realise that most of these are AUs, so here’s a bonus rec for a non-AU in-universe story that’s severely underrated and deserves more love:

Heart, Have No Pity on this House of Bone by Sena

This story follows Bucky in-action in the Pacific Theatre. It’s very well written and, from what I can tell, well researched. Steve only appears in Bucky’s imagination and the story focuses on the horrors of war rather than romance, but it’s gripping! And it explores unrequited love, being closeted and period-typical homophobia, which I also enjoyed. I’m still holding out hope for a sequel.

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chaichaiiskai · 6 months

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Hi okay so if you're still doing a request can I get a (baki) Pickle x bottom male reader. So I want public sex where Pickle FuCks Reader Hard infront of everyone kinda like the reporter scene but you know with consent but if your not comfortable with that just normal rough sex in a bed room or forest since that's where Pickle is from.

If your not comfortable with this then that's okay i understand.

notes: OKAY, so, I did not see this until I wrote the last pickle request so I'm gonna connect this ask with that one— it's right here if ya wanna read it, deffo recommend it bc of lore :D hope ya enjoy this too !!! can't even lie, I'm thoroughly invested in the story of Pickle and Cucumber and I'm honestly thinking about keeping these two as reoccurring on my blog ngl.

warnings: mdni, homophobes do not interact, amab reader, he/him pronouns, violence against others that aren't reader, murder, blood and blood depictions, brief description of violence against woman and their wombs, mxm, pickle is very protective and basically yandere but who wouldn't be during the jurassic time period, rim jobs, lack of prep before anal, noncon mentioned but not against reader, reader is called cucumber by the facility and is basically a nickname, cumflation, belly bulge, size difference, very massive, very long, giant cock that is more weapon than genital, rough and unprotected sex bc duh they're both primitive men, hunting of animals, drugging // food tampering— I think that's it, lemme know if I missed anything.

The ultimate goal of the experiment was to further test the pure, raw strength of the primitive man when fueled by emotion and longing, going without food for a week. And their experiment proved to be true, far too true as a matter of fact. Multiple casualties would be forever staining the pages that reported the experiment and any sane person would have ended the experiment then and there to reunite the two lovers again.

However, a man at the top, who thought of nothing but himself, wanted to see just how far Pickle would go, even if that meant more casualties would have to be made. And so, the bloodbath ensued.

As Pickle roamed the facility halls, wave after wave came at him, rubber bullets aimed his way and raining on him that proved to have no impact on him whatsoever. He easily swiped aside the nuisances that are in his way, swiping away the small people until they go flying, hitting nearby walls— the sound of cracking bones, splattering, and coughing is sickening. So sickening that some of the scientists, though they love their jobs, find themselves going against the higher-ups.

One bravely moves in front of Pickle and holds his hands up, attempting to seem as if he was defenseless and then began to point behind him, pointing at a large door that was down the hall the primitive man was currently stalking down.

"He's there! There!"

He quickly announced, and then used his other hand to wave in the direction of the security camera he knew was currently watching the entire sight.

And on cue, the giant doors opened. To your surprise, the wall opening woke you out of your forced slumber that was brought onto you by a primitive form of depression sparked by your loss of companionship.

With heightened abilities, Pickle smelled you before he saw you, and as soon as he laid eyes on you, he was unable to make a sound, simply getting into all fours again and bounding towards you at full-speed. Despite being weakened by the lack of nutrients, you slowly sat up onto your hands and knees before feeling yourself being tackled back to the ground, bodies rolling until the two of your slammed against a tree, Pickle's back took the blow and nearly uprooted the thing. He rolled again onto a patch of grass, still holding you comfortably in his arms until you were in a patch of grass, dropping you onto your back while he buried his face into your neck, starting to nibble onto any part of it that he can reach, sharp fang-like teeth scratching over your skin and leaving indents.

The door to this new enclosure is shut and on the outside, the cleaning procedure begins, but not without some scolding to the researchers who went against the higher-ups. Cucumber and Pickle did not seem to care about whatever was going on outside of them, far more focused on each other and keeping each other close.

From then on, Pickle cannot be more than a foot away from you, and he can only sleep when he's on top of you, shielding you from whatever threatens the outside.

The only scientists he allows inside the enclosure are small, fragile-looking women. He'd already killed a few of the male scientists who dared to enter, a warning and a threat. And recently, in hopes to appease the two primitive men and get back on their neutral sides, wild animals have been introduced into the enclosure, giving the illusion of a hunt for the both of you, and unfortunately, your enjoyment in fruit had been ruined thanks to the scientists and their cruel, cruel experiment.

You were only able to eat what Pickle hunted, and in another week, you looked more alive again, even helping with the hunt and relishing in Pickle's presence yet again. So far, it seemed that Pickle seemed to enjoy crocodile meat quite a lot, whilst you had your own preferences. And once you were back at a healthy level of energy, Pickle immediately recognized it and let his instincts win, one could not blame him for feeding into such carnal desires.

After an especially filling meal, you find yourself being hunted just like your previous meal, but it's the kind of hunt that gets the hair on the back of your neck standing. Your primitive partner growls at you in a suggestive manner and suddenly, he's chasing you around the enclosure, getting the adrenaline pumping in your veins and his. And when he's had enough, he's got you pinned down onto the ground, pulling at the loin cloth that keeps you from him until it comes off, making him toss it aside. He's hurried and hungry, yanking his own loin cloth off as you roll onto your stomach, eager for him to mount you, hardened cock swinging between your legs while a bead of pre dribbles out the top. You're on your knees, propping your body up in the ideal position for— breeding essentially.

Pickle is eager himself, lining his massively thick, veiny dick up with your rim, nearly growling at the anticipation as he presses the head against it and starts to push. Every part of the tanned man is large, including his third leg that was just a few inches over a foot in length and thick like a world record-breaking, sizable anaconda. He tried to force himself into you, but you push him out, obviously because it's been a while and it seems to frustrate the beast, eliciting a growl from him as he eyes your little hole with his brows furrowed. Everytime you breathe, it winks at him, almost like it's taunting him and you can't help but to grow frustrated, huffing at him from over your shoulder, but he can't stop staring at your hole, curious eyes drilling themselves into your ass.

Then, yet another instinct comes over him as he leans down, shoving his tongue past the first ring of muscle, the fat thing nearly longer than his cock. The sensation is strange but it only makes more pearls of pre dribble from your tip, your own cock seemingly throbbing as his wild tongue throbs around inside of you from behind, forcibly stretching you with its width. The muscle thrashes around inside of you, wildly moving about, darting in and out of you like an excitable puppy drinking water from a lake. His tongue movements are uncoordinated and hungry, so much to the point that it's darting about with no clear destination, even causing a few stray licks to the underside of your balls that makes you flinch every time.

Pickle isn't particularly sure what he's doing or why he's doing it, but he couldn't stop himself from feeding into the curiosity. It surprised you as well, considering he's never done to you before and you had never felt so good down there like this.

Shamelessly, a group of researchers and scientists were watching this ensemble unfold in real-time, gathered around with food in their hands like shameless perverts watching an adult film.

For science! They would most likely say, ignoring their own instincts to shove a hand in their pants at the scene in front of them.

The licking, although pleasant, was becoming too much and there was a buildup you were feeling in your shaft that had you panting like a dog, clawing at the ground and smashing your skull against the dirt. For some unknown reason, Pickle took your sounds as a signal of sorts and he remembered his own issue, heavy uncircumcised cock seeming to throb and lift with eagerness. Yet again, he pulls himself back to position himself properly, lining himself up with your hole and then pushes the tip in, a chirp of excitement escaping him as he plunges in deeper, going in about halfway before you feel as though the insides of your stomach are literally being rearranged. Fertile balls are pressed up against yours as he manages to jam every inch into your awaiting hole, somehow you're able to take every inch, an impressive feat within itself. Perhaps, this is why he took you as a lover. A flash of memories comes to mind to both you and Pickle.

. . .

Pickle had his share of sexual partners— instinctually he went after women, who he ultimately killed by accident after ripping through their wombs with the deadly length between his thighs. He had found a woman once, able to take him fully, but she did not recuperate his feelings and escaped him after a session of breeding. Eventually, Pickle stumbled upon Cucumber, a man of smaller stature than him, but strong in his own way. Their first meeting was anything but friendly, both of them going after the same prey of a Jurassic animal, looking for their next meal, fighting each other while simultaneously fighting the creature in hopes of getting meat. Ultimately, they ended up killing the beast together and bregrundingly shared, taking from the hunted beast without acknowledging each other much after.

But through unfortunate events, you continued to run into each other at different points in both of your traveling journeys, but continued to ignore each other regardless. And on one of those fateful meet-ups, however, Pickle had made a mistake— a mistake that brought on a sense of fear that he'd never once had to deal with before.

Consuming a wasp.

The pain he'd felt from it made him more vocal than ever, scaring away beasts and other people alike. However, Cucumber was not fearful, instead, he went a pang of sympathy for the man who he'd considered somewhat of a companion.

Immediately jumping into action, tapping into a nurturing side that he sometimes would ignore, he wandered hurriedly to the nearest lake of water, cupped his hands and gathered a healthy amount of it into his hands and wandered towards the other man. He growled at that primitive man who was still in excruciating pain, opening his mouth in an attempt to get the message across to him and with tears in his eyes, Pickle obliged, reminding Cucumber of a whimpering babe who was hungry for milk.

Dumping the handfuls of water into Pickle's mouth, you watched as he held the water in his mouth for a moment and then spit it out, along with the wasp, coughing up quite a storm. You frowned as he coughed, hesitantly patting his back afterwards, and after a while, you left to gather something to soothe the residual burning— fruits, which you forced Pickle to eat, despite his disdain for eating things that he did not hunt himself. But when he did as you wanted, the burn disappeared and you were ready to take your leave after helping him— only to have the man hot on your tail, everywhere you went, following you closely from behind.

Surprisingly, you didn't shoo him away, and that was what began the true extent of your strange relationship. It didn't take much longer before he would develop something new, love, and you returned the feeling. And in a moment of intimacy one late night, under the stars, he'd mounted you for the first time like a woman and breeded you under the moonlight. It was somewhat romantic, even with the guttural sounds of pleasure and delight that came from you both. And when you took him in his entirety without complaint, he was even more infatuated with you than he'd already been.

. . .

The primal man is grinning at this point as he's able to properly mount you, beginning to thrust at a pace that has your body rocking back and forth, his mouth and the area around it shiny with his own saliva as he plunges further. You're lucky you're stronger than the average and modern man, claws digging further into the dirt to keep yourself from toppling forward. Pickle is pounding into you, thrusting his hips with a tenacity that's enough to shake the trees around you, you're lucky your body is built for the brutality.

Watchful eyes are carefully observing, even going as far as to have a discussion onto why the two of you had chosen each other as mates since there was no chance of either of you reproducing. Then again, did reproducing matter much to the primitive people of your time? Apparently not, though Pickle seemed to be /breeding/ you as if it were indeed, possible.

Poor Cucumber was experiencing the true strength of Pickle's excitement, quite literally being fucked into the ground by a beast of mass destruction. The researchers collectively feel a sense of great respect for you as you handle the creature on top of you with gritted teeth, groaning and growling as you take every inch. It's a rough experience that leaves you teary eyed, wobbly lipped, and whining, just like all the other times he has his way with you. Pickle doesn't seem to let up, not even when your teeth chatter as a familiar and growing pleasure comes over you, blossoming in your hips and cock, strings of white spewing from your tip and onto the ground beneath you in spurts that seem to last far too long. Your cock seems to soften after cumming a second time, though it continues to twitch and swing with the pistoning of barbaric hips that continuously drive you forward. Squelching and the sound of skin repeatedly colliding is nearly as loud as the proud growls Pickle does, his chest vibrating with an animalistic equivalent of pride when you cum, squeezing his erection enough to milk him just right.

And fortunately, your poor hole doesn't need to take much more abuse before Pickle reaches his edge as well, unleashing copious amounts of his load into you, cum spilling out the edges where your bodies connected, dribbling out in the dirt like lines of salt. You'd felt full like this before, never able to get used to the feeling but still enjoying it regardless, a strange after result is the slight pouch in your lower belly that is made due to an immense amount of cum. Pickle holds himself there for a bit before pulling out and he's /still/ coming, ropes of the sticky white landing on your back and your rear, the insane amount he's dumped into you beginning to spill out and trickle from your gaping, spasming hole. Your lover lets out an affirmative, satisfied groan and then lays down onto the ground on his side right next to you. He wraps one of his lengthy arms around you and pulls you towards him, your chest neerly flush against his, and you rest your forehead against his shoulder, panting as you attempt to catch your breath, almost as if you'd been running after an especially fast prey. Pickle shuts his eyes and rests his chin on top of your head as he slowly shuts his eyes, having been drained of energy. It's not long before he's asleep and his body naturally locks in place around you, almost like a protective barrier. One of his legs is draped over yours, hooked behind your knees, his monstrous cock nestled between your thighs while yours is squeezed between your stomach and his abdomen, lower bodies entangled where it's almost difficult to distinguish between limbs. His arm is still wrapped around your back, the other had joined, slipping beneath you as his hands interlocked behind your back. This position is new, he's usually laying right on top of you when he sleeps, completely covering you up like a shell on the back of a turtle, making it nearly impossible to see you beneath him unless one looked from very specific angles.

You're tired as well, hole still leaking with Pickle's cum as your eyelids grow heavy. Your body is hot and sticky with sweat, making your skin stick to his, but you always find comfort in his presence, snaking your own arms around the massive man's body the best way you can before you drift off to sleep as well.

To the researchers and facility crew who are still watching on the security cams, they see the cuddling session as wholesome— despite the previous actions of you both— and nearly coo at the cuddling session.

Perhaps they would need to adjust their research and find different questions to think about...

#— chai’s asks. !!#— chai rambles. !!#— anonnie. !!#male reader #x male reader #amab reader #baki smut #baki the grappler smut #pickle x male reader #pickle x y/n #pickle x reader #pickle x you #pickle baki #baki pickle #yandere baki hanma pickle

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disruptivevoib · 1 month

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Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

#chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash #voidthoughts #i know the album is interpretive!! but i also think it is crucial that we dont pin any one of them down as villains or anything #that like while hms are all flawed and cruel to one another they ultimately are also victims of themselves its #its the like culprit and victim motif #the “you're doing this to yourself and you shouldn't feel you have to do that”#internal communication with yourself. learning kindness and humility and whatnot is very important!!#thats all

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4dkellysworld · 8 months

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Why clear the subconscious to realise Self

I hope this helps people who are struggling with trauma/deeply rooted wounds and are looking for a way to reconcile this with their goal of self-realisation 💕

Context:

The prime obstacle we meet in seeking this unlimited being is the subconscious mind. It is full of thoughts of limitations which propel us every day and they do so automatically. We have made these habits of subconscious thoughts so strong that even when we recognize the direction we would like to go in, the subconscious thoughts keep directing us for quite some time (sometimes lifetimes) until we finally succeed in overcoming them. We overcome them with thoughts of what we really want to do in life, and in that way we become master over the mind, controlling and eliminating the thoughts until only the thoughts we want determine our behavior. Then we’re in a position where we can do something about the mind. We can start to transcend the mind, rising above it and dropping it. In short we let it go! And when we do we find ourselves this pure, infinite, limitless, totally free Being that we naturally are. Then happiness is complete. from Session 9: Mastering Mind and Matter of Keys to the Ultimate Freedom - Lester Levenson

The following excerpt illustrates Lester Levenson's own journey to self-realisation: he actually cleared a chunk of his own subconscious thoughts first before going onto self-inquiry. This would have allowed for a much quieter mind than if he just dived into self-inquiry without it.

I began correcting all my thoughts and feelings in that direction from that of wanting to be loved, to that of loving. And in that process, I discovered another major thing that kind of shocked me. I saw that I wanted to change this entire world, and that was the cause of my ulcers — or one of the major causes. In realizing how much I wanted to change things in this world, I saw how it made me a slave of this world, I made the decision to reverse that. And in the process of following out these two directions — actually unloading all the sub-conscious concepts and pressures in those directions — I discovered I was getting happier, freer, lighter, and feeling better in general. As I saw this direction was good, I made the decision that if a slice of pie tasted this good, I wanted the whole pie. And I decided not to let go of this direction until I got that entire pie of happiness, and with it the answer to “What am I? What is this life, and what is my relationship to it?” This decision allowed me, as I claim, to get the answer to life itself in a matter of only three months. I believe if I can do it, anyone can do it if they have that much “want to”. In that three month period, all the ailments I had in my physical body corrected. All my miseries dropped away. And I ended up in a place in which I was happy all the time, without sorrow. Not that the world stopped pushing against me —it continued — but I was at a place where I could resolve things almost immediately. Having cleared out the negative fears, all the negative “I can not’s,” I would focus right on the answer to every problem, and get it very quickly. And so, my whole life turned around from being depressed and sick, to being happy all the time, and being in perfect health all the time. from About the Author of another version of Keys to the Ultimate Freedom, also probably in his autobiography No Attachments, No Aversions

I'm not sure why some of the digital versions of Lester's Keys to The Ultimate Freedom didn't include this final session 37 because it's in a scanned copy of a 1993 version (1 year before he died). He had spoken on the importance of clearing subconscious thoughts first to quiet the mind but this was watered down in the 109 page digital version and even overlooked in Session 1 where he says it's "not necessary to dig up this unconscious mind, in fact it's much better to try to quiet the mind." (the wording was changed in other versions to highlight clearing subconscious thoughts first). Depending on the individual ego's own history of trauma, limiting/negative beliefs, tendencies, habits etc (aka samskaras in Hindu philosophy), they may or may not be able to easily quiet their mind to see their Self (the main goal) if they keep getting bombarded with thoughts they can't control despite their best efforts to disidentify/drop/ignore/meditate/control it.

I also believe this is the missing piece and answer to dealing with trauma in a practical and appropriate way on the path to self-realisation. Any good therapy also ultimately concludes with releasing & letting go so it no longer affects the person anymore; this is the true essence of healing. I've personally found a lot of benefit and peace from clearing subconscious thoughts on my own journey and Lester did this too and benefited a lot - he didn't jump straight to self-inquiry (Ramana Maharshi considered self-inquiry to be a practice for 'ripe souls' and recommended other methods for aspirants first depending on their state of mind (to clear and quiet their mind in preparation for self-inquiry)).

So we are all going through the same trip of trying to discover what is this all about, where is my happiness, and when we stop chasing after it out there and we turn inward, we discover that all these hard negative, terrible feelings are only a feeling. And that it is possible to get rid of these feelings by releasing them. All these feelings are subconscious programs — every bit of them put in as pro survival — it's not only fear, but survival. All our feelings have been programmed in to automatically keep us surviving. They keep looking out there, trying to survive, keeping our minds active subconsciously 24 hours a day, so never do we stop to think and discover what we are. So what is it that is keeping us from being in the most delectable state that there is? Simply the accumulated programs called feelings, all these negative feelings have us constantly struggling to survive, having us constantly looking away from this tremendous thing that we are, and all we need to do is quiet that mind and become self-obvious to ourselves of this tremendous being that we are. How do we do it? I say it’s simple. The Release Technique*. It happens to be the fastest, the most effective way there is to achieve this high state of being. When we are in total control of our universe, where every moment is a wonderful, wonderful moment, it is impossible to be unhappy. And I say that is our natural state when these negative feelings are released. So I urge you to learn this technique. It’s a tool, and in one week's time, there will be a big change in you for the better, and from there on, you wiil continue to get better and better, lighter and lighter, happier and happier. from Session 37: Release your Loving Nature - Keys to the Ultimate Freedom *The appendix describing this technique refers to a whole book called The Sedona Method (written by one of Lester's students) and it was too damn long & boring for me to read lol. (If you're interested in the book, you can download it from my Google Drive) The basic instructions is to bring subconscious thoughts to the conscious so they can be dropped: Feel all the thoughts/emotions (if any) and imagine them leaving your being, acknowledge them then consciously choose to release & let them go now so they no longer have a hold on you.

So clearing a chunk of subconscious thoughts first (not aiming for perfection, just clearing the major roadblocks - in particular the ones that keep causing intrusive/compulsive thoughts no matter how much you ignore them) will help a lot in quieting the mind and then you can more easily do the other practices such as meditate/do self-inquiry/self-surrender with a quiet mind to see & know the Infinite Being you are.

Remember that there is no "one size fits all" approach to self-realisation because everyone has different history, traumas, mental/emotional/spiritual maturity, temperament etc (this is a reminder to let your Self be your main guide & guru and do what's appropriate for your own journey, you don't have to follow any guidance/practices/teachings that don't resonate with you even if others are saying something is this way or that way). Even Ramana Maharshi acknowledged this:

When asked once by Swami Yogananda, a Swami with a large following in America, what spiritual instruction should be given to the people for their uplift, Ramana Maharshi replied: “It depends on the temperament and spiritual maturity of the individual. There can be no mass instruction.”

Obligatory disclaimer that this post does not constitute as medical advice as I am not a therapist, this is based on my own understanding of non-duality as well as my personal ego experiences both on this journey and prior to. If there are major traumas that you feel you need to release first in order to quiet the mind, I would actually recommend finding a competent and trustworthy professional to help you unless you already have experience going through therapy and know how to dig into your own subconscious and release things on your own properly (going to therapy in the past gave me the understanding and experience to do this on my own now). I emphasize on the *properly* part because if you attempt to bring up major traumas from the subconscious without knowing how to properly deal with them, it could actually cause more harm to the psyche so be careful on this please.

So I actually do think therapy and trauma healing has a place on this path to self-realisation and this is where my beliefs deviate from 4dbarbie a bit (I still agree with leaving the mind alone but again, clearing the major subconscious traumas/wounds/blockages first has been immensely beneficial and effective in quieting the mind to make it easier to let go of/disidentify from ego and abide as Self). Everything that I share on this blog are intended to be pointers, suggestions and helpful tips for people on the same journey. If you resonate with it, feel free to explore it further and if it doesn't, you can disregard it :)

#writings #lester levenson #keys to ultimate freedom #ramana maharshi #practical #exercise #releasing

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jasontoddsmommyissues · 4 months

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This is so fucking stupid and petty, but I am genuinely distressed over not getting anymore Eddie content. He means so fucking much to me, his character makes me feel so fucking seen, and I really don't want to move on from him. He has gotten me through a period of serious depression, and I'm so scared I'm going to have move on from him because the well is drying up. He's my ultimate comfort character, and I know it's such a minor thing, but I'm genuinely distressed about it. I don't want to let him go yet. I'm not ready.

#stranger things #eddie munson #feral raccoon boy #joseph quinn #stranger things eddie #stranger things season 5 #stranger things 4 #stranger things 4 vol 2 #vent post #sorry i'm just sad today

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antianakin · 10 days

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You know what the ideal Star Wars work for me would be right now, during my current depressive period? A story about the Jedi Order successfully managing to rebuild and be their best selves once again following the events of the films.

I'm honestly and genuinely hoping that this is what that Rey movie is going to end up being! It'll obviously have to have some kind of conflict they are dealing with in order to still be an action adventure Star Wars story, but my desperate desire is that it ultimately also shows us the Jedi Order rebuilding into something it hasn't been able to be since the Prequels, rebuilding a community that loves and supports each other, and helping rebuild the galaxy in the wake of the Empire and the First Order.

It's too bad that there's not a lot else that seems like it'll give us happy stories about the Jedi right now.

#star wars #rey skywalker #jedi #pro jedi

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 months

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Top 5 comics that aren't bat related?

GOD okay I'm admittedly so so behind on my non-Bat comic reading because trying to read Everything Published In A 15 Year Period is fucking TIME CONSUMING, but! but but but!!! I have some fun ones!! also as always these are not in ANY particular order!

Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021)

first off: yes we are including graphic novels! that's just a honkin big comic! nobody @ me! anyway, I read Thirsty Mermaids in one sitting on an airplane earlier this year and it was delightful. it follows three mermaid besties who turn themselves into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to get stuck when the party mage can't remember how to turn them back. what follows is a mix of shenanigans and genuinely heartwarming character development as the trio cope with being landlocked and try to survive capitalism. there's a high potential for a story like this to get cloyingly oversentimental, but Thirsty Mermaids struck the right balance for me the whole way through and never went overboard.

also, the character designs are soooooo fun. look at them!

2. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness (Nagata Kabi, trans. Jocelyne Allen 2016)

MLEWL is one of those books that actually completely lives up to the hype and then some, and it totally knocked me on my ass the first time I read it. I didn't really know what to expect going in, but I was totally blown away by how boldly Nagata's willing to share the ugliest parts of her life through this reflection. it's so much more than romance and yearning (and that isn't even really resolved by the book's end! Nagata continues to struggle with interpersonal relationships in later books, which you should also read!), and it felt really refreshing to see such an honest depiction of how much being depressed and anxious and insecure can just fucking suck. but at the same time, Nagata's ability to turn all of that into art and process what she's experienced in a really levelheaded way as she finds the will to grow and change is really affirming.

I have to give a special note of appreciation to the actual sex scene and how intimacy is negotiated between Nagata and the sex worker she hires, especially the ultimate realization that sex is just an act and losing her virginity didn't really change anything about why she was unhappy in her life. as a sex educator, I really appreciated the honesty and sheer practicality of how it was all framed.

3. Nimona (ND Stevenson, 2015)

hi okay yes basic bitch alert I'M AWARE, but I reread Nimona last year to remind myself of why I didn't want to watch the Netflix adaptation and I was so right for that, because OG Nimona fucks so much harder. it's heartfelt but also chaotic and violent and funny and deeply jaded; I think when I mentioned it in my monthly reading synopsis here I described it as weird art for pissed off queer people by a weird pissed off queer person. and I stand by that! if you haven't read it already or if you haven't in a while, it's right there waiting for you with an open invitation to burn the entire corrupt government to the ground.

I know the word feral is overused and therefore cringe but christ, comic Nimona is feral. come on, man. just let her kill your ex. he's a cop.

4. Superman Smashes the Klan (Gene Luen Yang and Gurihiru, 2020)

I had to get one DC comic in here, sue me! it's not Batman-related at all! it's a really rad Superman story that takes place in the 1940s and loosely reimagines an old radio serial, "Clan of the Fiery Cross," the was pretty much a 16-part hit piece on the KKK that was hugely successful in tarnishing their reputation and getting membership to drop. how cool is that? in this version we follow Lee family, Chinese-Americans who have just moved to Metropolis and are met with harassment from the local Klansmen, contrasted with Clark, early in his hero career, still figuring out the full extent of his alien abilities. you get some really nice parallel storytelling between the Lee kids, Tommy and Roberta, exploring what it means to be part of two different cultures at the same time Clark is going through something similar figuring out how to be a representative of two totally different planets, and it all works out in a way that's really sweet. now that I have a friend who's a baby I can't wait until he's old enough to get a copy.

it's an extremely comic book-y comic but in, like, the best way possible.

5. Hawkeye (Matt Fraction and David Aja, 2012-2015)

I can't believe I almost forgot to list tumblr darling Matt Fraction's Hawkeye! what do I even say about this series that hasn't been said already? I love the way Clint Barton is a sadsack piece of shit who's repeatedly ruined his own life, and I love rooting for him anyway because he's just trying so goddamn hard. and also because there's a teenage girl who stole his name and gimmick bullying him the whole time. (Kate Bishop you are everything to me and you will always be famous.) there are costumes and crime fighting but it's first and foremost a slice of life about a life that fucking sucks but keeps on trucking anyway, and that's so up my alley it's not even funny. a lot of the humor probably feels dated now but fuck it, the series is iconic for a reason.

MCU, eat your heart out.

bonus because I wrote out the whole thing and then decided I wanted to include a different one: Paper Girls (Brian K. Vaughan and Cliff Chiang, 2015-2019)

I'd be lying if I said that the thing about this series that I love first and foremost wasn't the art, because Chiang's art is breathtaking and I'll read anything ever if he does the art on it. but it's also just a super cool twisty, time-bending story about four girls getting roped into some high sci-fi bullshit when they're just trying to finish up their paper routes the morning after Halloween and having everything go to hell around them. I really respect a series that is committed to being weird and doesn't really care if you don't understand what's going on for a decent chunk of the plot, especially because it all comes together in a way that's pretty satisfying. waiting to read the whole series in one big run once it was all published so that I could track all the little hints and clues and things coming together across time travel bullshit was mwah, delicious.

also more than anything it's a story about how you Do Not fuck with 12 year old girls, especially in packs, because they're metal as hell, and I'm really about that.

#bookblr

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moorishflower · 11 months

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Okay, so I told myself I wasn't gonna dwell on this and I really am trying not to, but I figure this is a good opportunity for people who are newer to this site (hi reddit!) and newer to transformative works (hi again reddit!) to see what's absolutely not appropriate behavior in a fandom space.

And this is it. Rest below the line, for brief suicidal ideation mention (in the far past I am fine!!!!)

So, I'm mostly glad that I'm the one who got this anon, and not someone else. I'm fairly emotionally stable, I'm an adult, I have a full time job, I don't rely on tumblr to feel like I'm worth something. I've got other things in my life going on, and the reason that I write isn't for clout or for comments, but because a. it genuinely pleases me to do so because it's MY hobby, and b. I have a few close friends who enjoy my writing and if they like it, then I'm happy. Everyone else is amazing! The comments, the fanart, the kudos, the likes, all of it! You are all amazing! But at the end of the day, writing is, again, MY HOBBY. I don't do it because I want to make a living off of it! It doesn't matter to me, ultimately, if I get better or not!

But if you say shit like this to someone younger? Less stable? Someone having a hard time? Someone whose sense of validation comes ONLY from online spaces like tumblr? You're going to hurt someone. When I was in the worst depressive swing of my life, when I was 15-16, a comment like this would have been enough to make me want to kill myself. Not because the comment is true! But because my brain would've PERCEIVED it as true. I am very, very lucky that I had the chance to put in the work to get where I am today. Other people aren't as lucky. There are other people who would put far, far more stock in a message like this.

I've already blocked this anon (it was an empty tumblr, so like...you made a tumblr just to send a mean message???), but if this person somehow sees this post, I guess my question is, what were you hoping to achieve here? What was your goal? Did you want me to...stop writing? Because you continuing to read someone's writing past what you consider their "good period" is on you, bud. Did you want me to feel bad? Why? What does making a person feel bad do for you? Does it make you feel better? And if it makes YOU feel better to make another person feel bad, a person who is putting their work out on the internet for free for others to enjoy with no expectation of reciprocity...consider, anon, do you maybe need someone to talk to? Are you okay? How are YOU feeling about YOURself?

#anon messages #hatemail #tw suicide mention #fandom

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hyperactivewhore · 4 months

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In your opinion who is the best mother in the TVD universe? I think it has to be Hayley. She had made a lot of mistakes, but at the end of the day, Hope has never once doubted that her mother truly and unconditionally loved and supported her. Hayley practically raised Hope by herself. All Hayley wanted is for Hope to have a normal, happy childhood. And unlike many people I don’t think she ever abandoned Hope. Yes, she sent her away to the Salvatore school - but I think that’s because she knew that Hope couldn’t live a normal life in New Orleans and she thought that the best chance of Hope having a semi normal childhood is if no one knew who she was. And in legacies, it’s said that she still visited Hope at school frequently.

Hayley Marshall without a doubt was the best mother in tvdu, especially considering the events regarding her pregnancy, daughter and her daughter's family.

Hayley loved Hope from the very beginning, don't bring up how she tried to abort Hope because that's just rubbish: she wanted to do it because it would be better for both of them, but ultimately couldn't bring herself to do it. Claiming Elijah was the first person to care about Hope is so wrong, he didn't give a damn about the fetus but what it could mean to Klaus and his fucked up family at the beginning, he only saw his niece as her own person when she was fifteen years old.

Motherhood was forced upon Hayley and she had no other choice but to accept it, Klaus and Elijah made that very clear and it sickens me how people brush over Hayley herself saying how terrified and scared she was during this period of her life. She was barely an adult, thrown into the most dangerous family to ever live just because she happened to carry a baby and was killed twice because of that same family.

Saying Hayley was a bad mother is crazy, she loved Hope and put her above everyone almost always (I won't praise her for this, though, loving your child is the bare minium a decent parent should do) even if it was above people she cared about. People always bring up how she "stole" Hope in season two to try to put her in a bad light and it's embarrassing every time.

Was it a dangerous and risky choice? Obviously, yes, but Klaus, the father of her daughter, was jeopardizing Hope at the time with his paranoia and refusal to trust his family, and at the time everyone believed he had killed Aiden, a member of Hayley's pack, of course she would panick and run away with their kid. It was wrong nonetheless because she was putting in danger her whole pack, her husband, her daughter and herself, but I'll never blame her for it considering how much shit she went through only because of the Mikaelson.

Like Klaus, Hayley was scared too and this is often "forgotten" by the fandom: like him, she never had any good parent, but this didn't make her stop talking to Hope suddenly. The fandom often justifies Klaus abandoning Hope because he had daddy issues and because of The Hollow, but was it that hard to write letters, answer her phone calls? He ghosted his own daughter when she was nine because she saw him murdering someone, but somehow Klaus is the better parent in tvdu and the one Hope loved the most. Make it make sense.

Caroline was away too from her daughters, but she didn't ghost them the way Klaus did. Hayley was co-leading New Orleans, a whole city full of supernatural creatures, but she didn't abandon Hope either: as you said, Josie herself said she used to come to Mystic Falls frequently just for her daughter. Sending Hope away to school after nearly dying and losing her father was too soon, and while Legacies made everything they could to make these women look like bad mothers (Hope being basically depressed as a child, wanting to belong into the Saltzman family, her line in season three "my mom and dad will come back for me" - though I'm not sure if it should consider it proof, considering it was a weird Star Wars episode -, Lizzie feeling neglected by her mother, etc) they simply weren't.

Caroline and Hayley were both forced to be mothers and both proved to be better than everyone in the series. People should start criticizing the actual bad parents in this show instead of them.

#hayley marshall #caroline forbes #hope mikaelson #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #jackson kenner #the vampire diaries #the originals #tvd #to #tvdu #phoebe tonkin #candice king #candice accola #the originals meta

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 1 month

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saw your yuki/kyo dissection and i was curious to know what's the other ship you think was an obvious possible option?

... after consulting @cafedanslanuit , Imma say it. For the plot. And Imma write my essay explaining my case. But y'all... don't get mad at me for being right. Strap in, this is gonna be a long one lmao.

But before I actually say it, we need to talk about Akito and Tohru and how they parallel one another.

Because these two are the same character at the opposite ends of the spectrum and 2/3 of the key aspects of Fruits Basket that make the show work. Without them, there's no Fruits Basket.

Both of them are quite literally the same character.

Masculine naming convention? Check.

Abandonment issues? Check.

A favored parent and a parent they have negative feelings towards? Check.

Especially since their respective relationships with their parents led to those abandonment issues and how they interact with the world. Akira was to Akito what Kyoko was Tohru. Ren's unnatural hatred of Akito, viewing her as a threat for Akira's attention, Akira's death and Kureno's curse suddenly breaking for no rhyme or reason led to Akito becoming the person she became.

Katsuya's death caused Kyoko to fall into a depression so deep she neglected Tohru for an indeterminable amount of time. Very nearly left Tohru to herself before coming her senses and becoming the best mom in the world that we the audience know her as. But that period of Tohru's life was very forming for who she became.

Kyoko came back after coming to her senses, we know this. But to Tohru, her mother suddenly embracing her for the first time in likely weeks, was the result of Tohru mimicking her dad's speech. A formal way of speaking that became so engrained into her daily habits, it's completely inseparable from her now.

Akito and Tohru's respective experiences ultimately lead them to the same core aspect of their character: Loneliness.

Both of them are terribly afraid of being alone, they just keep people in their lives in very different way.

Akito relied on fear, Tohru used kindness.

Akito used violence, Tohru used compassion.

Akito's go-to was embracing her father's words that she was a special child born to be loved. As such, she could do anything she wanted to the other members of the zodiac without facing any repercussions.

Tohru's go-to was her belief that her not prioritizing her mother over rest is inherently connected to her mother's death. That she should have prioritized her mother over everything. That her mother had to be her number one even in death. Thus, she became afraid of loving anything or anyone more than her mother. And yet, she still didn't want to lose anyone else in her life.

Tohru's kindness is genuine but there is a benefit she gains from it similarly yet juxtaposed to Akito's abuse.

That's why the two of them are able to come to an understanding with one another by the end of the story. Why Tohru was able to set everything else aside to start from zero because she understands that fear of being alone all too well.

They are both a mirror into what the other person could have been like if their circumstances were different. Tohru could have been that bitter, hate-filled woman, while Akito could have just as easily been the sweetest woman in the world.

Akito is Tohru

and Tohru is Akito.

All this buildup is to say that...

I think the only other obvious choice for Tohru was Shigure.

Yes, Shigure.

Y'all heard me right.

The final piece to what makes Furuba work, the one who instigated the plot in the first place.

And I'm sorry if y'all get mad at me for saying that, but I really don't think this is an incorrect assessment. I'll die on the hill that it was an obvious what if.

There's superficial things one can have fun mentioning in regards to these two ー

Across all adaptations of Furuba, Shigure is the first Sohma we are introduced to

Shigure's cursed year is the Dog, Tohru's birth year is the Dog

But the biggest thing for me is in how Tohru is an intrinsic part of something Shigure lacks as a person, that being empathy.

To make myself clear, I'm not saying Shigure is completely void of empathy. Because we can see him expressing it to the people he cares for in the story. (Ex. Wanting to go on a vacation during Golden Week so Hatori can avoid his ex's wedding.)

But for Shigure, empathy isn't something that comes easy for him. As he words it, his kindness isn't as good as the real thing someone like Hatori has. Shigure considers his kindness a hastily manufactured afterthought.

He's someone perfectly content using someone if he gets something out of it. And if he sees someone hesitating to reach for something they want, he'd rather just provoke them into action than attempt to warmly encourage them or understand where they're coming from. Because he doesn't see a point in hesitating at all and frankly, he knows comforting people like that doesn't come easy to him. So he normally opts not to.

As such, he's fascinated by the levels of empathy and kindness Tohru has. Tohru's kindness sometimes even makes him feel guilty and Shigure isn't someone who often feels guilt in the first place.

Contrast to him, Tohru is so pure that Shigure can't help acknowledging how twisted he is. In season 1/the manga's first arc, he even tells Hatori that because of that forced realization he gets every time he looks at her he thinks Tohru is too pure for him.

Compare to that to our final arc of the manga/season ー where it all eventually escalates to Shigure's quiet contemplationthat maybe he should have dreamed of Tohru.

That it's most likely that Akito wasn't the right one to dream of.

That someone as twisted as him needs someone like Tohru to balance it. To be that beacon that can lead him into being a 'normal' person.

He genuinely thinks about it in that moment as he playfully tells Tohru 「もしもの、お話し」 which is more accurately translated as "It's a what-if story".

Had Shigure dreamed of Tohru all those years ago, what would have been different?

...

But Tohru isn't who he dreamed of and this is the bed Shigure has decided to make for himself. One he has kept on the path of for years. So he lets himself think about the what ifs for a moment before ultimately deciding to keep lying in the bed he's made in hopes of the day Akito finally comes around.

But it's in Shigure's mind, and now the audience's mind, that more than likely it should have been Tohru. Tohru and what she represents is who he should have dreamed of.

You can see signs that a relationship with Tohru is something Shigure's considered even vaguely in the series even before that point though.

Sure it's passed as a joke, but when you look back at the scene with the "what if story" goggles, you can't help wondering "was it really though?"

Hell, Shigure desiring Tohru is something that even Akito feared.

She was enraged at the thought very thought of it during the Summer Vacation arc. It's what set Akito off enough to tell Tohru that she is the God of the zodiacs and they all belong to her, Shigure in particular.

Akito was already even in an agitated state before she asked Shigure if he felt anything even partially romantic towards Tohru. Why? Because she's displeased that Shigure isn't kind to her the way he used to be. That he used to only look at Akito but now he doesn't. She wants him to be kind to her again, like he was before.

And Shigure is exceptionally kind to Tohru.

Like he is very careful and considerate when he comes to Tohru which he even confesses to Mayu at one point when she tells him that he should treat her carefully. He tells her 「これでも僕にしてはめずらしいくらい大切にしてると思うんだけどね」 which can, more accurately be given a rough translation of "I think it's unusual for me, but I'm taking good care of her" or even "I think it's unusual for me to value someone this much".

And if you look back on the series, that isn't cap.

Excluding characters like Kisa, Hiro and Momiji (who isn't the same age as the other two but acts youthful enough it is easy to forget), Tohru is the only character Shigure doesn't really treat the way he does everyone else.

Shigure has no problem poking and prodding at people, even in moments where they're very clearly in emotional turmoil when he says them.

Asking Yuki what Akito told him during the Summer Vacation arc.

Telling Kyo that he is using hating Yuki as a shield for what he doesn't want to think about.

(... Telling Akito "bitch I wouldn't have cheated on you if you didn't cheat on me first" lmaooo.)

Even if at the end of the day, it is coming from his own way of caring (trying to get people to act and move forward), that doesn't change the fact Shigure can be a complete asshole. One that will say some very hurtful things to people.

And he's done it multiple times to the same people over and over again. Measuring what's the right amount of what to say to avoid or invoke a specific reaction that he does or doesn't want. Sometimes it's played for laughs, other times it is to rile someone up so badly they cannot contain their aggravation.

So it really isn't cap when he tells Mayu he does, in reality, treat Tohru very gently. For all that Shigure is capable of doing, he treats Tohru with more care than he normally gives to people. Especially considering he has no real reason to since she was a stranger to him until recently.

It takes Shigure until the final arc to do anything of his usual nature to Tohru. And when he does, he asks her if she's mad at him afterwards. It doesn't sound like much until you realize he's never done anything of that sort for any other character in the series.

Yuki. Kyo. Akito.

He'll back off. He might sigh and state it's pointless to continue a debate when he and the other person are going back and forth in circles. But he never asks to see how that other person feels because he doesn't care. Hell, he can tell if that other person is upset with him or done with his shenanigans.

And yet with Tohru, he feels compelled to ask for the first time ever.

And, of course, I can't talk about all this stuff and not mention Shigure's calm fury when Tohru fell from the cliffside. He stayed quiet for damn near 20 seconds as he processed that Akito told him that Tohru fell and we don't see his face the entire time he's processing. Then once he finally pulls himself together, he couldn't even let Akito finish her sentence when he asked if Tohru's 'fall' was a push.

We never truly get to see in Furuba, something that could set Shigure off.

But I think in that moment we get a glimpse of it. A glimpse that shows just how strongly he feels for Tohru. Because it begs the question, if Akito had pushed Tohru off that cliff, what would Shigure have done? How would he have reacted? I don't think even Shigure knew how he would have reacted.

I'm honestly morbidly curious.

That's all to say, that, "what if" story was with Shigure. Not Momiji, not Yuki. It was Shigure.

'If you didn't end up with A, you definitely would have ended up with B'. If we narrowed this down to Yuki and Tohru specifically, there's only two other characters that come close to that. If it wasn't Machi for Yuki and Kyo for Tohru ー YuKyo and ShiTohru would have been at the finish line.

If Shigure had dreamed of Tohru... or hell, what if he had dreamt of Akito but decided that that dream alone wasn't enough to keep the canine sense of loyalty he was cursed with?

There definitely would have been more than just proposals played for laughs and musings of that 'what could have been's.

Well anyway if you're curious to see my take on what it could have been like if Shigure dreamed of Tohru (complete w/ YuKyo and onesided AkiGure) do I have the story for you because I'm writing it on AO3. Read and give me comments to validate my delusions wwwwwwwwwww

#look she's answering #anon #fruits basket #furuba #lmao i was wheezing this because some of y'all might get mad at me for saying it #but at the same time i'm totally right not sorry #fruba #akigure #shitohru #shigure x tohru #kyoru #ish i kinda mention them here #animanga thoughts

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iwanderthroughthesenights · 2 months

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I am particularly intrigued by each of the bonus tracks because as we saw with Midnights, the fact that these songs usually remain mostly within the fandom because they're more shielded from the radar of the "general public/locals" gives her a lot of freedom to be even more honest and raw, and also to address topics that are more uncomfortable and/or controversial (see: all the tracks in the 3am edition).

We know The Black Dog is most likely referencing impending depression. I'm so curious to see if it'll talk about that period of all-consuming sadness that happened after the breakup and the rebound, or if it will actually be about a period where she was deeply depressed during the last years of their rs OR, which is what I feel is more likely for some reason, if there was a period where both Taylor and Joe were very depressed but together, bc of something that happened that they had to face together and were both deeply sad about. The death of a loved one, the loss of something, the end of a period of time where they were both happy in their rs and had the right balance, a disappointing outcome to something one or both of them worked really hard on, the crumbling of something they were expecting or looking forward to that ultimately couldn't happen. So many possibilities, these are just very general descriptions.

We know a big aspect of their dynamic was being sad together and reflecting about life, often through that sadness. In LPSS, when explaining hoax, Taylor talks about how she thinks a part of love is "who would you be sad with?". It's quite interesting how this is such a strong recurrent theme in the art she made with Joe as a muse. "I'm with you even if it makes me blue", "Don't want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do", "The rain is always gonna come if you stand in with me", "I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm, if your cascade ocean wave blues come", "Those Windemere peaks look like a perfect place to cry", "I want auroras and sad prose", "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed", "You don't really read into my melancholia", "Tears on the letter, I vowed not to cry anymore if we survived the Great War", "why don't you rain on my parade? Shred my evening gown, read my sentence out loud, cause I love this curse on our house", "how long could we be a sad song till we were too far gone to bring back to life?".

#taylor swift #joe alwyn #taylor and joe #joever #TTPD #the black dog #midnights #folklore #hoax #peace #the lakes #ivy #paper rings #lavender haze #the great war #the Alcott #you're losing me

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blackjackkent · 7 months

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The Ebbs and Flows of Programming

I got a very nice shoutout from @vexacarnivorous the other day as part of their writeup of resources in the codeblr sphere. It made me smile and I very much appreciated it. <3

It also made me think a lot.

Vexa shouted me out for the fact that I offer free programming tutoring as part of my Twitch livestream - which is very true, and I welcome anyone requesting it. I love helping people, especially those just getting into the industry. If you would like to reach out to me for assistance, learning, or just chatting about code, please, please do; I am always available for it.

Anyone paying attention, though, might have noticed I haven't done my coding stream except when tutoring in a number of weeks or really posted much about coding at all. The truth is, I haven't really done much programming outside of work for several months.

I've been hesitant to term it "burnout" because it hasn't come with the hallmarks we typically associate with that word - I don't feel depressed, I don't feel resentful or stressed really. But really it is a flavor of the same thing, and I think as someone who prides myself on representing what being a developer is Really Like, I think this sort of thing bears its own round of discussion.

Sometimes you just won't want to code, and that's also okay.

I think this is a difficult thing to conceptualize when you are a new developer. In my experience, those early years in the field are full of excitement and promise. You have so many ideas and there is so much to learn and every bit of new technique or technology feels like opening a treasure trove. For years, I was the poster child for this level of enthusiasm - late nights working on side projects and coming into work with dark circles under my eyes.

And I am not for a moment saying that's a bad thing! Ride that enthusiasm train as far as it will go whenever it comes into the station. :) This is an exciting field and I love seeing anyone get excited about an idea, implement it, run with it, feel fulfilled by making it.

What I want to talk about, though, is the days when it doesn't feel like that - because you will have them. Everyone has them. Personally, I'm 34 and tired. XD Sometimes I go through periods where I just want to play video games and not think about anything after work. And just as often, the urge to work on a project eventually comes back - probably quicker when I don't force it - but it's really easy to be too hard on myself for those periods where the enthusiasm isn't there.

The reason I think this is important to discuss is that there is a LOT of stigma, spoken and unspoken, in the industry against people who leave work at work. There's the concept of the 10x engineer - a developer whose productivity and output matches that of 10 "regular" engineers, and who is constantly in the trenches. There's the vocal admiration for people who drive themselves to distraction, working 80 hour weeks to achieve their vision of some killer app, side project, or even their company's product. This is viewed as the apotheosis of developer-hood, but in truth, it's unhealthy - both for those grinding that way and those who don't want to but are stuck with the image all the same.

I struggle with this image myself. The last few months, a recurring throughline in my therapy session has been - what am I bringing to the world if I'm not producing project output All The Time. It's been a little humbling stepping into the spaces of young developers to offer my help, and realizing that they are full of that exuberance and energy when I am in a slump where I am not.

But what I want to say here, ultimately, is this, and most likely it goes for other callings as well - sometimes you will feel the fire burning within you, and sometimes you won't. Don't get caught in the trap of feeling that your worth as a person (or as a developer) comes in passionate, all-consuming output. The important thing, always, is whether you are doing work, or living life, in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. And I, for one, am proud of you (and learning to be proud of myself) no matter what that looks like.

#bjk talks #codeblr #programming #software development #coding #this turned out kind of rambly and i'm not sure it matches the image of the post that i had in my head XD #but hopefully it helps someone

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tmntkiseki · 4 months

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Diary of an Idiot Trying to Learn to Draw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Part 1: Escaping the Comfort Zone)

Before we talk turtles and the early steps of my art journey with them, let's talk about me for a little bit.

Hello, most people know me by my online nickname, Star. I'm a perpetually tired gremlin in her late 20s from New England who still lives with her parents and two brothers. (I'm the middle child!) I love my two dogs to bits, I have a weird fascination with shipwrecks and maritime disasters, and I am a known art enjoyer to point of attempting to draw her own pictures. Sometimes it goes well, other times... ah, we'll get to that.

When I think about my history in terms of drawing, it all starts with anime. My first exposure anime was through a fairly obscure one called Sky Girls; I encountered it through Dance Dance Revolution: Super Nova 2 on the PS2, as the opening to the original OVA was one of the songs available in the game. I ended up watching most of the television series and I was quick to discover that, hey, there's an entire genre of animated television series that originate from Japan; subsequently, I ended up watching several anime that were popular during the late 2000s with Lucky Star, Haruhi Suzumiya, Clannad, and Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni all being shows that I watched during this period. It's difficult to say what entranced me so much about the art style quirks we so heavily associate with anime, but it's definitely had the biggest influences on my art; not just anime itself, but video games with anime art styles as well. If I had to name which pieces of Japanese media have affected me most in terms of art development, it would be Odin Sphere, KyoAni's works (especially Violet Evergarden), and Hidari (the character designer for three of the Atelier games and Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia.)

"Okay, but what about when you actually began to do your own art?" WELL, I can definitely say throughout elementary school I absolutely LOVED being in art class, but I didn't start seriously practicing until I was around 13; this was when my depression first reared its ugly head, but it was also about when I first got into fandom online. Now, the first fandom I actually made "content" for was Pokemon, but that wasn't drawing; that was fanfiction. The first fandom I actually drew for?

Call of Duty: Zombies. Yeah, I think we all have that one fandom we're embarrassed to mention that we were ever involved in. Regardless of the cringe factor, it was still important for me because that was when I first started interacting with other fanartists online and if I hadn't spent so much time drawing fanart of a bunch of WWII stereotypes while I was in high school, I wouldn't have laid the groundwork for what came afterwards.

In terms of overall skill, I'm definitely way better than I was back when I first started out, but there is still so much I have to learn; I do often look at other artists who are around my age or, hell, are even YOUNGER than me and think to myself "Why am I not that good?" and, ya know, art is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice and due to my mental illness and lack of confidence/self-worth, there were periods where I would go for MONTHS without drawing anything, so the fact I'm not where I feel like I should be skill-wise is ultimately circumstantial (there are other personal shortcomings that have also been holding me back, but we'll get to those later). I have managed to learn to stop being so hard on myself and not be as perfectionistic, and I find myself drawing more and more for the fun of it and learning new techniques that'll result in better pieces rather than anything else. These are some of the Rune Factory 4 pieces I drew last year (all Arthur/Frey ship art, oops) and at this point I can look at them and think "Yeah, they're not perfect, but I also did a pretty good job."

All right, this is the part of the post where we finally get to talking about my experiences learning how to draw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--specifically, the 2003 versions. It's been about a month since I started studying the show's art and even if I'm not the best artist on the block, I still have a decent amount of experience under my belt that learning how to draw them shouldn't be too hard, right? Right? I mean how hard can it be to draw four humanoid turtles?

Oh boy, of all the fandoms I've drawn fanart for, TMNT 2003 probably has one of the steepest learning curves that I have EVER experienced.

All right, what are some of the advantages do I have going in? There is my existing experience drawing, but I'd argue the fact that my brain is so hardwired to draw anime is an advantage in some ways. When I first looked at the show's art style (more specifically that of seasons 1 - 5), I was thinking to myself "How the everliving FUCK am I supposed to draw this?!" However, when I actually sat down and studied the model sheets, I was delighted to discover that a lot of the basic fundamentals that I already learned drawing anime bodies can be applied to the turtles; one of the only major adjustments I had to make was exaggerating the muscles of the arms and legs. Not only that, but one of the less human aspects of the turtles IE the plastron is actually incredibly useful as a makeshift guideline for the torsos; it quite literally divides them into chest, abdomen, and pelvis areas and I absolutely love it!

Unfortunately, that's about where my happiness with drawing the turtles ends and where my actual struggles start.

("Nekomata Mikey" from January 7th, which is probably my best and favorite turtle attempt thus far)

So, I suffer from a little something called "not liking to leave my comfort zone." It's not something that I'm incapable of doing, but getting me to break out of a repetitive routine and try something new or challenging is insanely difficult--no idea if it's a result of my autism spectrum disorder or not, but it definitely explains why I've hesitated to experiment more with my art and try new things... which is important if you want to further develop your style and improve. Oooooooh boy.

Now, I'm not necessarily looking to accurately replicate TMNT 2003's style, but I am hoping to maintain certain aspects when I draw the turtles. Stuff that is definitely contradicting what I'm comfortable with when it comes to drawing; the thick lines you see in a lot of the official art, the fact this show really likes using sharp angles to define physical features, the dark color palette of the first five seasons, the fact those seasons break the rule of "don't shade with black" that I've been taught from the beginning--a lot of stuff that I'm just not used to. It's hard not to become frustrated because half the time you have no idea what you're doing and have no idea whether it's going to look good or not.

Beyond that, there is the matter of the less human aspects of the turtles that are giving me a run for my money. I can somewhat handle the chunky three fingered hands and large two toed feet, but when I get to the heads and shells, that's where I start tearing my hair out. Even with multiple reference screenshots from the show and sassatello's tutorial on the head structure handy, I still find myself fumbling and making heads that are too angular and chunky (especially in the cheek area) or heads that are too round to the point of almost looking babyish. The shells are another matter entirely; it's weird because they are basically a dome-shaped backpack, but something about those things keeps throwing me for the loop no matter what angle or pose I'm drawing a turtle from.

*LOUD SIGH*

For all the struggles and frustrations I have, I'm still very happy to be studying and practicing how to draw the turtles. It's been about a month since I started pouring over the model sheets, taking screencaps from individual episodes to examine and annotate, and just drawing, and I've already learned so much. Not only that, but this whole experience of trying to figure out how to draw the main characters from an (almost) 21 year old cartoon has pushed me to look up... A LOT of tutorials for art skills I've admittedly been neglecting. Basic shapes used in the structure of the body, color theory and shading, all that good stuff. It is also a fact that studying the art of TMNT 2003 is exactly what inspired me to start posting all the model sheets and concept arts I have saved on my laptop. When you have a ton of art resources at your disposal, why not share them? Someone else might need them as much as you do.

I'm hoping to make another post like this in a couple months or so just to see how much I've improved, where I'm still kicking and screaming, and what areas I ought to focus on. Until then, take care and have a good day!

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt art diary

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drdemonprince · 1 year

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What physical symptoms can autistic burnout have? I used to be very physically strong and energetic. My mobility and my hands are so weak now. I don’t know if it’s something separate which co-occured with burnout. Are things like PoTS or EDS more common in autistic people? is it possible to lose skills you gained while masking once you reach burnout? Will I need to relearn skills I used to have? I’m 28 and previously v high achieving but I feel like I’ve lost all my developmental milestones

Autistic burnout can have any of the symptoms that regular burnout can -- because they actually are the same phenomenon. The only difference between Autistic burnout and 'regular' burnout is that the former is more likely to be related to masking, and Autistics seem to lose even more skills and require even longer rest periods than others. But that's a pretty subjective thing. And for both groups, skills lost sometimes never come back. Returning to the life situation that provoked the burnout should never be the goal.

My burnout was both Autistic burnout and regular burnout at the same time (I discuss this at length in the book Laziness Does Not Exist). I have months-long fevers, bone-shaking chills, anemia, a heart murmur, depression. I lost all passion for the field of academic study that provoked my burnout and it never came back. I had to radically reorient my life, which I was lucky to be able to do. I lost masking skills, lost the ability to pretend to be cishet, lost drive and motivation. Ultimately it was a necessary awakening. But it was frightening to be so tired and weak.

Autism is strongly correlated with EDS. Lots of people who are Autistic or related to people who are Autistic report having EDS. I'm not sure about POTS.

One of the defining characteristics of burnout is in fact a loss of skills. In Autistics this skills loss tends to be more obvious than in non-Autistic people. We lose the ability to mask, to make eye contact, to overwork, to conform to expectations that were not serving us, to be exploited. It is painful but it is a wake-up call that the life you have been leading is not sustainable.

Again, this is why focusing on relearning skills or retaining one's prior abilities to be exploited/pressured to conform ought not to be the goal. The goal is to find a sustainable lifestyle and healing. I understand that's incredibly threatening to one's self-concept in most cases, and even more pressingly, it's a threat to one's ability to survive under capitalism. So it makes sense that most people find it very difficult to accept (and admittedly, I still panic and have trouble making sense of myself and my place in the world every time I experience a skills drop). But accepting your current state of functioning and strategizing how to survive, get support, and build a life that works with that present reality will probably serve you better in the long term.

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weirdducky17 · 2 years

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Personal Headcanons (UnderTale AUs Edition!)

(Part 1/?)

UnderTale, UnderFell and Underswap!!

Tis my personal headcanons of the skeleton brothers! I hope you like my interpretations of these wacky skele dudes!

UNDERTALE:

SANS

Ultimate Pun Master

The Sans-ational Sans

A very humerus comedian

One depressed mf

Very distrustful of anyone outside of his circle of friends and acquaintances

Closed off and introverted but can be extroverted in certain situations

I feel like he's not really someone interested in romance??

If he did have a romantic interest, he would definitely figure out his feelings very quickly but won't act upon them

Papyrus is his #1 Top Priority

Sorry fangirls but papy more important than you :[

Chugs the shit out of straight, black coffee

Naps a lot but is very hyper aware of his surroundings

A light sleeper. Often wakes up at night, def has insomnia.

Bottles up his feelings a lot until someone makes him snap

Very traumatized from the resets which in turn makes him have a very pessimistic view of the world and how he interacts with humans

He needs some loving, this very squishable skeleton :(

I kin him, he's me to a T.

PAPYRUS

The most hyperactive dude you'll ever meet

Wakes up at the ass crack of dawn fs

He has a lot of energy and most likely experiences a long period of burn out as a result

He has anxiety about not doing something active, he's not really someone who likes sitting still

He tends to put a lot of effort in different interests

He can cook great food, he just cannot grasp how to cook proper and edible spaghetti

Coffee gives him headaches so he prefers to drink tea instead, Sea Tea more specifically

Hides his emotions as well from his brother, worries that he's just adding more to his older brother's overflowing plate

If he had a romantic interest, he would he more bold in his displays of affection, sometimes outright declaring it.

His dating manual comes in very handy

Sans needs to pick up his goddamn sock >:[

Easily stressed baby

He needs a well deserved break

UNDERFELL

RED

My favorite boi 💕

Kind of a dick ngl

Very perverted and aint afraid to show this judging by his very suggestive and flirty comments

Wears a loootttt of gold jewelry, he looks great with them okay?

A simp must simp!

He's verryyyy touch starved, so bad its kinda sad—

Gamer boi, very cultured in the gaming community

Is a very pleasant guy once you get pass his flirty and kinda dick-ish behavior

If he had a romantic interest, he would try to deny it as having "vulnerable feelings" is considered a weakness in his underground

He got used to shoving his feelings deeeppp down and kinda just sucks up

But he's still the more expressive one, gets aggressive easily, him being upset is very obvious to tell and when he's happy it's more concealed but he's quite genuine

He's very proud of his brother, he'll do anything for Edge which is why he took the submissive approach in their brotherly dynamic

Doomfanger fucking hates him lol

EDGE

Mr Egotistical

Napoleon complex but taller

Quite an understanding person once you earn his respect

He has high standards and expects people to meet them

A real good cook, one of the few papyruses that makes great food... unless it's lasagna. It's a 50/50 if his lasagna has glass in it—

Best Cat Dad! Doomfanger is a spoiled baby, high quality tuna and fresh milk only for the bestest of kitties

I would hang out with him if I'm in a good mood ngl

If he had a romantic interest, he would expect them to make the first move 100%. This man had no idea how to do love

Def a tsundere

A tea enjoyer, golden flower tea is his favorite

UNDERSWAP

BLUE

No, it's not UwU Blueberry. We don't talk about him 😬

Is actually quite mature despite being quite hyperactive and have a childish nature

Very responsible and loves being active

He is a terrible cook but a great baker! He makes great cupcakes and cakes, needs work on presentation but its the thought that counts 💕

Is an empath, hyper aware of how people feel around him.

Secretly depressed

Gets annoyed pretty quickly

Doesn't back down easily and stands his ground very firmly if he believes he's in the right

Flirts casually and a cheeky person

Secretly insecure about how people see him

Hates being called short and treated like a child

STRETCH

My favorite Papyrus AU 💕

He snores loudly and prefers to sleep on the couch more than his own bed

He tries cutting down on his smoking by eating candy

Is just as distrustful as Sans but more overprotective of Blue

Will actually consider murder if someone hurts his brother

Flirts casually and isn't as interested in romance

He's very touch starved but he prefers to only show it if its his family or his future s/o

How to trust people 101

Very stressed which is why he took up smoking as a stress reliever

He has adult magazines hidden under his mattress, you can't convince me he doesnt— COUGH COUGH

He's a hoarder and quite messy, he has some cigarette butts still left over in his room

Hope you like my headcanons for them!!

Next headcanons are the Star Sanses and then the Bad Sanses!!

#undertale #undertaleaus #ink sans #nightmare sans #undertale au #underswap #underfell #underfell sans x reader #underswap x reader #undertale x reader #dust sans #sanssweep #sans the skeleton #sans

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