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sleepyboywrites · 1 year

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Creepypasta Fluff Headcanons for Trans!Male Reader Pt. 1 (Being a boy on his Period)

Because it's nearing that time again and being a boy on his period sucks ass. I'm making this to provide some comfort! For myself as a trans man and hopefully you too. This takes place with established and healthy relationships. Or as healthy as relationships with these characters come.

Tw: Possessive behavior, not necessarily wanted affection, rough contact, references to slight verbal abuse.

Eyeless Jack

• Run. Run right in the opposite direction if he hasn't eaten in a bit/is agitated. You will make him hungry due to his blood lusting demonic nature and he's not very friendly when he's hungry.

• You already aren't feeling great so if you go to him in that state anyways expect to be more uncomfortable albeit supported as a half-apology.

• If he has been satiated and is calm you may proceed to tell your demonic boyfriend that your cycle has begun and you are distressed and dysphoric about it.

• Cuddle bug. Like sits you directly into his lap and burries his face in your neck. Telling you words of encouragement. Think "I'm so sorry Baby boy." and "You're so strong y/n. One of the strongest men I know, I mean other men can't live through bleeding for 4-7 days on average."

• He's a med student so he knows the best ways to help with cramps and the physical pains that come with a menstrual cycle.

• He also gives you high testosterone foods and encourages you to wear one of his shirts and your boxers over your underwear to help with the dysphoria aspect. But he won't let you bind if your chest area gets sensitive.

• Tries to distract you and keep you as comfortable as possible

• Extremely protective during this time. He has a lot of self control but his instincts are still spiking under the surface screaming at him to lock you up/protect you. His emotional attachment to you paired with his constant hunger leave him clinging to your side and glaring at anyone else who approaches/gives you a weird look. Attacking anyone who hurts you emotionally or otherwise.

• Honestly a bit feral in a way akin to nesting.

• Insists on taking walks together once a day.

Laughing Jack

• A bit confused at first in his eyes he has erased any of your perceived biological imperfections.

• Hits you with the "But you are a boy" when you tell him you're feeling dysphoric and crying. "One who's very very important to me as well so please don't cry."

• Gives you your favorite candies and sweets

• Rubs your back when you're curled over in pain and sings you songs to help you calm down.

• Takes you to his amusement park and takes you on all your favorite rides and shows you all your favorite shows

•Always introducing the act as "Dedicated to the best boy in the world/my Favorite boy."

• Essentially his mentality is "I'm going to make sure this boy has so much fun he forgets the torment of having his brain stuck in the wrong body."

• And it fucking works. He has you laughing so hard that you can't tell where the stomach ache ends and the cramps begin.

• He likes to play "dress-up" in the sense where he has an array of gender affirming costumes and each day he insists you choose from the extensive array because even if you don't feel well at the moment doesn't mean you have to be reduced to a puddle of stained oversized clothes. He was always one for theatrics.

• If you say you really aren't up to dressing up he'll bring out an array of hoodies, baggy tees, shorts, sweats, or jeans instead.

• Genuinely just trying to distract and cheer you up

Ben Drowned

• Pretends to not know what you're talking about or why you're so upset. "Bro I assure you no one cares?" Followed by a long silence as he stares at you followed with "We all still view you the same, man."

• Then promptly refuses to leave your side

• Think anything from lurking in nearby electronics to straight up following you around everywhere.

• If a mission comes up he'll take you with him and make up some sort of excuse like he needs your help and your avatar is better abled than you physically. Alternatively if you have a mission he'll grab you and say he's coming with, before dragging you with him.

• Makes sure everyone is careful around you. No roughhousing or insults. Not at this time even if you protest.

• You had to break up a fight with the intent to maim once because Jeff had called you a "Pussy" in an attempt to agrivate you to change your mind about not being up for training today. Ben who had been lurking nearby lunged at him and you had to break the two apart.

• So much Gatorade. This boy makes you drink so much Gatorade.

• He also has a collection of snacks you normally crave and hoodies specifically for you in his closet.

• Let's you bind during your period until you don't take it off on time or act like you're in pain then he will take and hide it until it's passed.

• if you complain about dysphoria he'll roll his eyes as he drags you to his realm where your avatar already matches your gender and have you hang out there.

• Naptimes are mandatory once a day during this week because he knows it takes a lot out of you.

• Reminds you to take showers despite how much you hate having that reminder because you'll feel better afterwards and it helps with the cramps.

Jeff the Killer

• I promise he's trying. He's trying to keep things as normal as possible by being a jokey asshole dick like usual.

• Mans has your cycle engraved in his memory so on the first and worst day when you're at your grumpiest without fail he'll go "Can't you just give me a bloody smile god damn it?"

• You know he's joking and he knows he's joking but without fail you'll mock laugh at him, sock him in the nose, and walk away.

• One time you ran out of products and Jeff went to get them for you he called from the store and went, "Hey man, what size cunt do you have?" You shook your head, called him an asshole, and hung up.

• He tried to apologize by calling and texting and when you wouldn't answer he made you a care basket with hot wheels and various manly items such as boxers and button-ups/baggy tees. He also covered the pads wrapping in dinosaurs. And replacing "girl" with "boss" on the labels

• He's made a habit of getting you one of these everytime your supplies run out.

• Insists on more training and fighting because what better way to blow off steam and frustrations than a good ol fashioned fight.

• One time it went too far and the two of you ended up being patched up by EJ who scolded the two of you and said "If I catch you boys doing this again I will make sure Slender needs two new proxies."

• Always carrying ibuprofen and water. Always.

• Rubs your back if it hurts too much and treats you more gently.

•Will attack and maim anyone who misgenders you.

Homicidal Liu

• Liu is already constantly holding your hand as if he's scared you'll disappear, like the rest of good in his life, so you two are fairly well synced and sometimes you swear he can read your mind.

• You keep him calm, in a way that reminds him of before the incident because of this he knows all of you, obsessed over it and memorized it, including when your cycle is, it's linked in his internal clock.

• You'll often wake up to a warm bath and clean comfortable clothes if your cycle started during the night. While you bathe he'd change and wash the sheets then bring you breakfast to eat together after you finish.

• Tells you he's sorry that your body doesn't match your mind as he nuzzles into your neck. Snaking his arms around your waist and engulfing you in his weight. Sometimes uncomfortable but you know by now if you try to pry him off he'll only tighten his grip and agressively albeit incoherently mumble

•calm and supportive/protective and possessive are how his alters have always treated you. Both affectionate sometimes overly so. Heightened during your cycle due to you being in a more easily hurt and in a distressed mood.

• Think overlap of Liu and Sully's voices, "What did you just say to my boyfriend?" Followed by "You'll pay for that." should anyone so much as look at you funny in a way that'll make you feel worse about your current state of being.

• Said anyone would be carried away in a body bag. <333

• Gets you trinkets as well as anything you may be craving.

• Owns heating pads as well as cold pads at his disposal to help with cramps.

• Water/Gatorade and a variety of pain meds on hand. Always.

• Doesn't want to leave your side out of fear of you running into a less than kind individual without him there to support you and maim your instigator.

Ticci Toby

• You'd have to go to him about it because his ass doesn't know. His brain is on fifteen different topics at any given time. You occupy at least five but he doesn't have much memorized.

• He'll know that something is bothering you but won't know what unless you blatantly tell him.

• Once you do he'll probably try his best to limit his roughness/aggression and increase softer touches/tones.

• Much more pet names a lot less insults. IE: Instead of calling you a dumbass he'll call you pretty boy.

• If he gets frustrated expect said pet name to be said with aggression.

• He owns several weighted blankets he'd offer you to use on top of his own body weight when he flops onto you, should you want that affection. Though he still will with a piss-poor excuse of an apology if you don't and he does. Which he does frequently because you're one of the only people whose touch is gentle with him.

• Bad about carrying liquid. Good about carrying meds. So if you need an ibuprofen he will give you one but you'll need to either dry swallow or find liquid elsewhere.

• Also not the best at comforting you through your pain seeing as he doesn't experience that kind of thing himself. At least not in the same way, so he doesn't know what to do nor what you expect from him.

• He'll pick you up something he thinks you'll like when he goes out during this time but that ranges from "really sweet" to "the thought is what counts." Because sometimes his thoughts cross paths one too many times and he accidentally got you cleaning supplies instead of menstrual or edible treats.

• Think: "This rock made me think of you. Do you like [insert candy], because I grabbed some on my last mission. I meant to grab you strawberry mentos, because of a song I heard that made me think of you but accidentally grabbed menthol instead, I don't know how you'd use it but here."

• Essentially when you tell him he'll say "Okay, don't push yourself too hard." And then continue fairly normally while attempting to be nice.

Brian/Hoodie

• Initial reaction depends entirely on where/how you tell him. If you tell him in public in front of others he will simply look at you and say, "...okay".

• If you tell him in private he'll stare at you for a moment and then he'll give you a few well-thought-out sentences on how he'll be there to help and how you aren't any less of a man.

• If you give him a note or written thing however he will build you a cathedral out of paragraphs telling you that he'll do what he can to make you feel as good as you can, how this aspect doesn't change who you are not how you're received, and everything masculine and in general he adores about you.

• Always has water, meds, and a spare hoodie for you in close proximity.

• Doesn't treat you any differently in public or private.

• Very sweet most of the time, including this, minus his aggressive outbursts.

• It's very much the same old same old. He'll still melt into you and expect the same he'll still yell and throw things when he's having a n outburst.

• He'll still treat you as softly and as roughly as he does the rest of the time.

• Will get you your cravings if you ask but he won't really if he's unprompted.

• He may ask for your hand more often if he notices your distress/squeeze your hand more often.

• Though most of the time he won't he's too busy in his head or in what he's doing.

• Or alternatively trying to figure out what is in your head and what you're doing but not necessarily how you're feeling.

• He cares about you he's just not the possessive type in the way that leads to outwardly or intense displays of affection. Though if you even hinted to not wanting to be around people on your cycle you wouldn't be. He would hole up.with you until its over and be reluctant to let you go.

Tim/Masky

• Throws his reeking bomber jacket at you with a raised eyebrow. "Things like this provide some comfort right?"

• Cocky Bastard knows it's in his god-damn calendar and he likes to inadvertently let you know he knows.

• IE: throwing one of your favorite snacks at your head while you train or work.

• Bringing you water, Gatorade, and medicine to you when all you did is hold your head in your hands for five seconds.

• It's become almost a game of whether or not you can get away without him knowing.

• Mocking you lightly if you ask for help with anything. If you need supplies, or would like one of your cravings, or would like a heating pad anything. And you say, "Hey could you get me [blank] if you don't mind?" Or anything along those lines you will be met with an, "Ah ah ah pretty boy, say pretty please." When he returns with what you asked for dangling it out of reach.

• Also always asks for a kiss as payment for being your knight in shiny armor. When he gets you anything. One time he bought you a bag of chocolate kisses you were craving and when he asked you threw a chocolate at him and he chased and tackled you until you gave him an actual one.

• Deliberately and as a rule of thumb, Masky shows you a playful and cocky side he's created because you respond to it best.

• He rarely gets angry at you but when he does that anger translates to avoiding you and not speaking to you should he be in this state he will give you nothing, not even a hug during this.

• If you tend to be touch-starved during he'll be less likely to fall into that angry rut but if you're touch-adverse he's more likely to get into angry ruts because he'll take it as the front he crafted for you not being enough or attractive to you.

• Despite the fact it has nothing to do him and has everything to do with you being in physical and psychological pain.

#creepypasta x male reader #creepypasta x transmale!reader #eyeless jack #laughing jack #ben drowned #jeff the killer #homicidal liu #ticci toby #tim masky #brian hoodie #creepypasta fluff #or at least most of it #creepypasta headcanon #requests open #multiple/all

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 months

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you're trans, right? how did you come out to your parents? how did it go? how would you recommend someone go about doing it if they aren't sure how their parents are going to react? (positive to other people's kids being trans, dislike trans women in sports, generally vote democratic). i'm ftm.

sorry if this is too personal or already been answered or something

-- aar

Lee says:

As a matter of fact, I am indeed trans! I specifically identify as genderqueer, non-binary, transmasculine, transgender, and transsexual, although that's neither here nor there.

I actually didn't come out to my parents-- I came out to my friends, and then more publicly to my classmates at school. Then one of my classmates told her parents about me being trans, and that parent met my parents at a party and mentioned that I was trans. Unfortunately it just so happened that while they were at the party and out of the house, I took the opportunity to cut my hair short at home. Yikes!

Anyway, I would fully recommend actually coming out over being outed, if you have the choice, because then you have some control over the start of the conversation and can initially let them know whatever you want them to know.

As always, safety comes first. Do not come out if you do not think you will be safe. If there's any risk of harm or severe negative consequences, you should wait to come out until you're in a more secure position, like being 18 or older, financially independent, not living at home, or at the very least, having a support system in place like a trusted therapist who can help you deal with the repercussions of coming out.

There's a difference between being genuinely unsafe and feeling uncomfortable. Most people will feel their fight-or-flight anxiety response kick in when they have a really scary and stressful conversation, especially when they're talking with someone who means a lot to them and has a lot of authority in their life. But being anxious about their reaction might make something feel unsafe, emotionally, even if you logically know that you are safe and they will not kick you out, abuse you, etc.

That doesn't mean that your feelings aren't real feelings though. If you think that you would not be able to cope if your parents don't immediately and fully accept and support you, then maybe it isn't the right time to come out either. Your emotional well being is important, and if you would be unsafe as a result of mental illness/extreme distress after coming out (if your parent's reaction isn't what you had hoped it would be) then you should consider that to be just as important as if you were physically in danger from an external source. After you've had some time and therapy and got re-stabilized then you can reconsider coming out.

Let's say that you've decided to proceed with coming out. The next step is to continue to gauge their attitudes. You've already observed some of their views. This can be a good starting point to understand how they might react. Remember, though, that parents' reactions to their own child can sometimes be different from their general opinions. So they might be fine with your trans friends, but not be fine with you being trans yourself.

You can't fully predict what will happen, but making sure you have a sense of what they currently think might help a little-- if the topic hasn't come up in over a year and you're working off of what you remember them saying far in the past, it's possible their views have changed by now.

But either way, you'll never really know what will happen after you come out, so if you want to do it, you just gotta go for it.

Now it's time to prepare. You may want to have resources ready for your parents, so looking to find those resources should be your next step. Are there local support groups for parents of trans kids and do you know of any peers whose parents have attended? They might have questions or misconceptions about being a trans man, so be ready to share some basic 101 information with them and don't assume they understand what it really means to be trans. Websites, books, or even contact information for a knowledgeable counselor can be helpful.

Think about what you want to say beforehand. What's the point of coming out? Do you want something to change, like having them call you a different name, use different pronouns, buy you different clothes? Do you want them to understand the nuances of your identity and know the right terms and words to use and what terms and words are offensive? Think about all of your goals, and then write down the key points you want to get down.

This is the time to consider your answers to the questions they might ask you, like "how long have you felt this way," "do you plan on medically transitioning," "what does this mean for your sexual orientation," etc. Even if you don't know all the answers yet and are still figuring yourself out, you want to have an idea of what you'll tell them, even if it's just "I don't know yet, I'm still figuring it out".

I'm personally not a fan of gimmicky/"cute" ways of coming out when you aren't sure whether your family will be accepting. So I would recommend just using a letter to initially come out if you're worried about getting overwhelmed or forgetting important details, and being prepared to follow that up by having a sit-down conversation.

Have a support system in place. This could be friends, other family members, teachers, counselors, or online communities who understand and support your identity. I always recommend scheduling an event with friends either for directly after you come out so you have an excuse to leave the conversation and go, or at least for the next day so you can decompress and discuss it with people who support you.

When you're as ready as you can be, choose the right moment. Find a time when your parents are likely to be calm and not preoccupied with other stressors (so not on their birthday, a major holiday, etc) and either leave the letter for them or ask them if they are available to have an important conversation.

This might not always be possible, but a peaceful environment can facilitate a better conversation. Choose a time and place where you feel safe and where you won't be interrupted. This could be at home during a quiet weekend afternoon, an evening after dinner, or during a walk together, depending on your family dynamics.

Finally, it's time to have the conversation. You should be clear and direct. Tell them "I'm transgender and that means I feel I am a man," or whatever language you feel comfortable with. Don't hint at it because they might not know what you're trying to tell them, just tell them exactly what you want to say.

It’s okay to admit if you don’t have all the answers yet. Transitioning is a journey, and it's fine to be figuring things out as you go.

But if that isn't the case for you, and you are sure, then you should be ready to stand up for yourself and tell them that. They might react positively, negatively, or be unsure, but their feelings are not your fault/your responsibility because you're living true to yourself. It's okay if they need time to process the information, but don't back down and let them railroad you into saying that you're not sure or didn't mean it if you are sure and do mean it.

Finally, be prepared for the long haul. Understand that your parents might need time to fully grasp and accept your identity. Patience can be challenging but is often necessary since it can take several months to years before they come around and truly support you. That means that one conversation is usually not enough. Be open to ongoing discussions and expect them to be sometimes awkward.

We have a coming out page with more info, although some of the links are old and broke (I promise I'll get to fixing it some day!)

Followers, any advice for anon?

#Lee says #coming out #ftm

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misteria247 · 2 years

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In your opinion if someone were to insult the rise turtles to the point where they just start feeling dejected how would their 2012 counterparts deal with that person and how would they make their counterpart feel better afterwards? By the way been reading your Universal collision fic and I am obsessed with it!

Oooo this is an interesting question!! Hmm.....

Well the 2012 boys would not be pleased if they say someone talking about the Rise boys in such a negative manner that it effects them mentally and emotionally. The way they'd handle it would probably be somewhere along the lines of-

Raphael would definitely be kicking some ass for this. He's fiercely loyal to those he cares about is fiercely protective of them. If he caught someone insulting the Rise boys he'd definitely throw hands (Raph would probably have to hold him back from beating the person up to a plup). Afterwards he'd be giving all sorts of examples on how they're all kick ass and the person who insulted them was just a pansy.

Michelangelo would be a bit ruthless when it came to the person who hurt their younger counterparts. Our favorite orange lad would definitely make the person feel very uncomfortable and make them feel like that they've got to watch their backs in the near future. Much like Raphael he's fiercely protective of those he cares about and he'd definitely not let it slide by. After the incident he'd use his Michelangelo charms to lighten their spirits.

Donatello on the other hand would be extremely blunt. I'm talking like "If you continue to talk about them in this manner you're not going to be talking for very long" kind of blunt. Donatello even though he's a bit timid is not someone to stand by and let people he cares about be insulted. Our purple genius would definitely make sure that his threat was understood and if not then much in a Raphael type of manner he'd "accidentally" hit them over the head with his bo staff.

Several times.

All accidentally.

Afterwards he'd list off the logical things that make them wonderful and use facts to prove his words correct.

Now Leonardo......oof this boy would definitely become very less likable if he saw this kind of thing happening to the younger turtles and how it affected them. Leonardo is the oldest out of all of them and just like he is with his brothers he'd be the same way with the Rise boys. He'd offer them support and more or less quietly threaten the party responsible for their distress. Like I'm talking like "Your business is with me, you keep my family out of this and stay away from them or you'll regret it" kind of thing. Leonardo does not fuck around, he's the leader and the head of the Hamato clan and he's the ultimate mom.

They'd definitely be facing his cold silent wrath.

Once the situation was handled Leonardo would mother hen the Rise boys quite a bit, showering them in his Leonardo brand love and affection.

At least that's how I see them reacting to this type of situation. Also omg I'm so happy that you're enjoying A Universal Collision so far!!! Thank you so much for reading my fic dude!!!! You're simply wonderful!!!

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protectbrowngirls · 3 years

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(1) Hi! I'm the anon you asked to resend the first part of their message - I will try to summarise. I'm a brown girl at home from college/university due to health reasons and I'm super concerned about my mom's unstable and erratic behaviour...She seems to have these phases/episodes where she goes "crazy" and will scream/cry/break things and generally act erratically. This has been going on for many years but has gotten a lot worse now. Recently she also keeps saying to me that she is going to kill herself and that she has depression (before she had also said this in an emotionally manipulative way). On top of that, she has been using me as an emotional dump 24/7 (literally) to vent about her issues with my dad's personality and gets mad if I say I am uncomfortable and don't want to listen - she insists I "have to" listen. She's also created a lot of silly and unnecessary drama with some of her family recently. I know she needs help and so does my dad, but with the stigma around mental health in South Asian communities and her unawareness of how her actions affect others, I'm pretty sure it's going to be difficult to convince her to get therapy. Thank you so much in advance💕

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this level of emotional burden. I can’t imagine how exhausting this has been for you. I’m sure you’re already aware that you shouldn’t have to deal with this, but I want to reiterate that this is all WAY beyond your pay grade. You shouldn’t have to act as your mother’s confidante. You shouldn’t have to be her caretaker. I know that doesn’t make this situation easier to deal with, but please know that any distress or discomfort you are feeling is valid.

The behaviors you’ve described are definitely concerning, and the suicidal ideation (saying she’s going to kill herself) alone is enough to warrant professional help. Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother is unlikely to willingly seek that help. Which means that any attempts to get her professional help will probably set her off. If you want her to get help, you’ll have to prepare for her to fight back. That may take the form of hysterics as an attempted guilt trip, or the form of promising she’ll get better (only for her to revert to her behaviors once the threat of professional help is gone). She may pressure you about what will the family say. She may insist you must hate her to do this to her. But you have to remember that these are all defense mechanisms on her part, and that she needs help you straight up aren’t qualified to give. Start preparing now to either ignore her outright, or placate her with non-answers like “I love you and I want the best for you.”

One approach you may want to consider is framing this whole thing not in terms of “mental health” but in terms of concern for your mother. “Mom has been talking about suicide. Dad, you and I can’t watch her 24/7. I’m scared she’ll do something erratic while we’re both busy. I think we need to bring her to an inpatient facility to make sure she’s surrounded by people who can keep her safe.”

You may also be able to call Adult Protective Services (if APS or something similar exists in your country). APS will be able to put you in touch with resources and help you develop a course of action. If they determine your mother is in immediate danger, I believe they may also be able to get her help without needing her or your father’s permission.

Finally, if you need to go nuclear, you may want to start treating all of your mother’s threats seriously, while framing it as a matter of being concerned for her. What I mean is, the next time she says she wants to kill herself, say “Mom, it scares me when you say that, and if you say it again, I’ll have to call 911 or take you to the hospital to ensure your safety.” Your parents may say “This is normal, this will pass, stop being dramatic,” but you need to insist you’re going to take these threats seriously. And then call 911 next time. The appropriate authorities will put her on suicide watch, and hopefully this will be a wake-up call to your family.

In all of these cases, your family may see you as the bad guy. But you know your mother needs help. And you know you’re out of your depth. What matters most is getting your mother that help, no matter what people will say. Remind yourself that you’re doing this because you care for her and want her to be healthy and happy, and she has demonstrated that she’s unable to achieve that health and happiness on her own. Her behaviors are harming both her and the people around her. She needs help for all of your sakes.

Finally, this is a huge burden for you to carry. And getting her help is probably going to be an extremely emotionally and mentally draining ordeal. If you aren’t seeing a therapist already, I would urge you to seek out professional help yourself in order to unpack and/or process all of this. Many psychologists and therapists have sliding scales for people who can’t afford therapy, and your university may offer some free counseling sessions as well.

#tw suicidal ideation #suicide ment #cw suicide #unhealthy parenting #unhealthy relationships #emotional abuse #emotional manipulation #parenting #advice #anon #ask

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scripttorture · 4 years

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I'm currently writing a character around the age of 13, who has been in solitary confinement since the age of 9, they were locked away by someone they saw as an older sibling figure (and were previously abused, physically and emotionally, between the ages of 5/6-9) by this person. They were taken out for “missions” (which involved having to hurt/kill people) by other people they considered their friends. They had previously existing mental health issues and were notably viewed as sadistic- (1-?)

by the people around them. Prior to being in the company of their abuser they were abused by their parents / people at a hospital they were sent to. During their time in confinement they had almost no contact with anyone for the first year (other than a guard sliding meals into their room), and then later contact every three months with one of their other abusers, then eventually contact to some of the people who took them out for missions. Otherwise they have had no contact with people (2/?)around their age, and have not had contact with anyone around their age since they were three. They had no way to see the outside world, and in their cell they only had very dim light. Later on they are severely traumatized by two people who torture them to use their fantasy-esque hallucination powers against a large amount of people. They hate this ability very much and really wish not to have it. I’m really sorry if this question makes you uncomfy or if it’s too long or specific,, (¾)but are there any tips you can give me for this character and their reactions to what they have been through? I really want to portray them in a more varied light even though they have both been through a lot of horrible things and done a lot of horrible things (hurting people willingly n such),,, I’m sorry if it comes off as insensitive as rude.

It’s not rude or too long or specific. And it takes quite a bit to make me uncomfortable. You are fine Anon. :)

But this scenario isn’t realistic. I’m going to talk about what you’ve got wrong here, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I’m here because it’s difficult to find this information and a lot of people make these mistakes.

First off if you’re using torture to ‘force’ a character to be violent then you’re buying into two very common apologist tropes: the idea that torture makes survivors obedient and the idea that it makes survivors violent/dangerous. These are not true. And they are used to justify barring real survivors from treatment and support.

You can read about commonly used apologist tropes here.

You’re massively underestimating the damage caused by solitary confinement, especially to children this young.

For reference the ‘safe’ period of solitary confinement for adults is thought to be a week.

You may want to have a look at the masterpost on solitary confinement, here.

I’m not sure a child of nine would survive four years in solitary confinement. Some adults don’t and all the evidence we have suggests solitary is much more dangerous for children then adults.

If they did survive they’d be even less use on violent missions then an ordinary child. Their physical and mental development would be severely impaired. They’d probably be able to talk but- they’d appear visibly mentally ill and would probably not be able to blend in around other people in any way.

They’d be likely to have obvious, severe panic attacks and meltdowns when taken outside. They might not be able to walk down a normal street. They could also have pretty bad eye sight due to the dim lighting in their cell.

Depending on how some of their symptoms manifest they could easily have problems related to starvation and sleep deprivation as well. At this sort of age that means a permanent drop in intellectual and physical ability/potential. It means an individual who is weaker, less intelligent, more prone to illness and has a slower reaction time. They also tend to have a shorter overall life.

Insomnia is a common symptom of trauma generally. Depression, which is another common symptom, can cause nausea and sometimes vomiting. Over a long period of time that can mean a character isn’t eating enough and over this age range that is especially dangerous.

You can find the masterpost on sleep deprivation here. And the masterpost on starvation here.

This is without factoring in the other abuse this character is suffering throughout their childhood.

Solitary confinement makes all tested mental health problems worse (and oh boy we have tested a lot of them thanks to the American prison system).

The kind of familial abuse you’re describing makes it likely that the character would already have several severe mental health conditions before being put in solitary confinement.

Keep in mind that the data set for children is almost entirely older then the character you’re writing (majority 15-18, I am aware of one 12 year old in the data sets I’ve seen). The trend suggests the effect is worse the younger the child. So I may be underestimating the damage.

Honestly? Factoring all of it in I’m not sure a child this young would survive six months. Solitary confinement is dangerous and it’s especially dangerous for children.

These are common mistakes. I run this blog because I know it’s really easy for authors to make these mistakes. Especially with ‘clean’ tortures like solitary confinement.

So let’s move on from what’s wrong to ways you can try and fix it.

Get rid of any suggestion that torture or abuse ‘made’ this character dangerous or bad.

If you want the character to comply with their abusers think about why they might choose to do that, rather then assuming they will be forced to by pain. Provide a clear reason for compliance.

Take a look at this ask which talks about slavery and compliance to get an idea of why a character might choose to comply and how they might resist.

I think you need to massively scale back the abuse this character suffers. I think you’d be better off removing the physical abuse, neglect/poor living conditions and reducing solitary confinement to a maximum of a month.

If you want to you could split the incidences of solitary confinement up. So for instance the character might be confined for a week at a stretch, but this might happen every two or three months. In an adult I don’t think this would necessarily cause permanent damage (although it would cause pain and distress). However since solitary has a bigger effect on children I think this would probably have a lasting effect on a young child.

That’s if you’re sure you want to use solitary confinement. I think you need to decide whether solitary confinement or these successful violent missions are more important to the story. I don’t think you can have both unless you’re prepared to age the character up by about a decade. (Even then I would consider it extremely unlikely: trauma survivors do not make good soldiers).

I can not tell you what the most important aspect of this story is. That decision is yours.

But I don’t think solitary confinement in a child this young is compatible with learning or success in anything but the most basic tasks (ie menial labour, breaking rocks, making bricks etc). The sheer scale of health problems, mental and physical, would get in the way.

Having the character fail, or be unable to do something, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. From what you’ve said I get the impression that what this character actually does isn’t necessarily the focus so much as what they feel they’re to blame for. And what other people blame them for.

So if the character is sent ‘on missions’ which they can’t successfully complete, that would be possible. And I think that it could feed in to this idea of the character carrying a lot of guilt and self-blame.

That could also fit very well with realistic memory problems as a long term symptom of solitary. I have a masterpost on that here.

Inaccurate memories are very common in torture survivors. Usually this means that the basic details are correct but a lot of the other details of the memory are wrong. So for instance if a survivor says they remember being beaten that probably happened. But they may be wrong about the timing of the attack, the lay out of the room, the clothes the attacker was wearing and a dozen other things.

Your character could remember being sent on these missions with other people, being told to attack people and honestly trying to do it. But they might be wrong about who actually killed the target and how useful they actually were on the mission.

I think they’d be especially likely to over-estimate how dangerous they are if the people around them keep telling them they’re dangerous, violent etc.

It’s possible to write that sort of scenario without falling into tropes about torture giving torturers complete control over their victims. Or suggesting that abuse has made torture survivors dangerous.

But honestly? That’s hard.

I think the better options (especially if you’re just starting and not confident writing survivors) are to either remove all kinds of physical abuse/neglect, keeping the missions and emotional manipulation/abuse or to remove the missions and keep a very scaled down version of the physical abuse/neglect.

The masterpost on solitary, starvation and sleep deprivation linked above and the sources in those posts should help you if you feel the abuse is the more important part of the story.

Remember that children are more vulnerable to the effects of solitary confinement and starvation, both have a greater negative effect at younger ages. Remember that my estimates and lists of effects assume the character is an adult.

Remember that while long term psychological symptoms are unpredictable (making it perfectly fine for authors to pick and choose the psychological symptoms they want to write) the physical effects of starvation and lack of sleep are not unpredictable. If you want to commit to writing this sort of torture then you are committing to the character suffering from those physical effects. At this age range that means lifelong effects ranging from a higher cancer risk to stunted growth and weaker bones.

For the other option it’s a lot simpler: show how awful emotional abuse can be.

You’re talking about a nine year old child. Someone who is almost entirely dependant on the adults around them.

Without other input if those people tell this child they are dangerous, they are bad the child will probably believe it. If they tell the child the only ‘good’ and valuable thing they can do, to please the adults, is these dangerous missions, then the child will probably do their best to complete these missions.

A child who is raised to believe that no one outside their familial circle could ever love them is unlikely to try and leave. In fact they’d probably bend over backwards to stay in the family and prove their worth. Even though the environment is toxic. Even though that love is conditional and comes with a high price.

We value our social circles incredibly highly. It takes a lot to make us go against them or leave them. Physical abuse and neglect is one of the things that can drive us to leave.

I feel like one of the problems here is a lack of confidence, or may be conviction on your part. I get the impression that you don’t feel entirely confident in your ability to show this character is suffering. So you’re compensating by piling more on to the character.

In my experience that approach just doesn’t work. It’s understandable but you have better options.

First off, read what survivors say about their experiences and their lives. You can find quotes from survivors of solitary confinement in this sourcebook. You can find accounts of emotional manipulation and abuse by looking up accounts from people raised in cults.

Secondly practice. Write different scenarios. Experiment and give yourself permission to fail, that’s part of how we learn.

Remember that it isn’t what happens to the characters that effects readers. It is your words. It really is all in how you write.

A good writer can make the loss of a sock emotional and a bad writer can make the loss of a limb seem dull.

I hope that helps. :)

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#writing advice #tw torture #tw child abuse #tw child soldiers #torture apologia #clean torture #effects of torture #Effects of Solitary Confinement #fantasy ask #mental illness #starvation #sleep deprivation #compliance under torture #torture survivors are not broken #torture does not work #child soldiers #writing torture #writing victims #self blame

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