#I will never be rid of this fucking feeling
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How About a Nuke?
Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI
Cooper Howard x fem!reader, the ghoul x fem!reader
A/N: I always appreciate your thoughts and comments on these chapters. I don’t reply to every comment, mainly because I’m cackling like an evil witch over your suffering
Summary: Time split in two. Both sides of the same coin and neither of you can get your shit together.
“It’s been a pleasure working with you,” you held your hand out and shook Tom’s, though your experience with him was anything but wonderful. If you didn’t need the exposure you’d never do another movie for him again. Cooper came up behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist.
“I’m sorry, I’m just going to steal her for a minute.”
Tom waved his hand and went to track down another drink. You sank into Cooper’s arms, deflating with relief. “Thank you,” you whispered.
He chuckled and the sound had shivers going down your spine. “No problem at all, sweetheart.” He swept you out of the room and into one of the hallways of whoever’s house you were at. You’d stopped paying attention after about the fifth party you’d been dragged to. Working with Cooper had been a dream come true, but you hadn’t realized just how much socializing you’d have to do.
He let go of you and you immediately missed the feeling of his arm around you. He provided you with a sense of protection you’d been severely lacking since you started acting. He was a shield against the greed of Hollywood.
You let yourself lean against the wall and he watched you with a keen eye, smiling slightly at how tired you looked. “Doing alright?”
You nodded before looking up and giving him a small smile. “Just need a little break, that’s all.”
He rested against the wall opposite to you, tugging out a cigarette and offering you one. You shook your head and tried rolling out your shoulders to get rid of some of the lingering tension. He had a knowing look on his face when he spoke.
“It was like that for me too when I first started out. No one really prepares you for how much ass you have to kiss in this industry.”
You let out a short laugh and rolled your eyes, “My lips are chapped at this point. I’ve never had to stroke so many men’s egos in one night.”
“I hope you don’t feel like you have to do the same with me.”
You glanced up at Cooper and shook your head, “No, you’re not like that.”
Fuck him, you thought. You didn’t have to do what he said. You got up, prepared to duck your way through the fighting again, when you heard the unmistakable high pitched ringing of a bullet flying by and then you were launching forward.
“Fuck!” Your hand flew to your arm, trying to stop the blood from oozing out of the graze on your arm. He hadn’t left a hole but a good chunk of your bicep was splattered on the ground.
“Now, what did I tell you sweetheart?” You turned around to stare shocked at Cooper. He pointed to the ground with his gun. “Go ahead and sit your ass back down.” The warmth of the blood seeped out from between your fingers and your other hand clenched in rage.
“Why don’t you just go fuck yourself, Cooper?” He might not have had eyebrows anymore but you could still make out the way his muscles shifted in anger. Despite it all, you could still read him like a book.
You weren’t going to let him think he could just continue to treat you however the hell he wanted. “What did you just say to me?” His voice was low, a dangerous tone that days before you might not have messed with. But you didn’t care. He’d shot you twice at this point, you couldn’t bring yourself to give a shit about catering to his feelings right now.
Your hand reached towards the gun tucked in your pants. His eyes tracked the movement but he made no move to stop you. Slowly, you wrapped your fingers around the handle and you pointed the barrel right at him. He chuckled but there was no humor in the sound. “You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart.”
“If you’re gonna shoot me, go ahead and do it. But our partnership ends here.” You hoped he couldn’t see the way your hand trembled or how the gun shook. You weren’t sure, when the moment came, if you could actually kill him. Despite it all, you still saw the man you used to love in that face.
And despite what he’d told you about that man, you couldn’t let yourself believe him. You couldn’t afford to lose the last good memory you had. You’re caught off guard when he clicks the hammer again and tucks the gun back in his holster.
Your eyes are wide with surprise but he just raises his hands in surrender. “Go ahead and leave, I’m never one to linger where I’m unwanted.” Well, that’s a fucking lie. Still, you decide to take him at his word and slowly you tuck the gun away again.
“Goodbye, Cooper.”
He smirks, “Goodbye, darling.”
You should have known better. You’ve barely turned around before a rope is looped around your waist and dragging you to the ground and back towards him.
“Thanks for having me over, Barb. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help?” She shook her head and placed your cup of coffee on the table.
“What kind of hostess would I be if I asked that of you?” She gave you a kind smile and left to dart back into the kitchen. You fiddled with the table mat in front of you, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Cooper came back in from the yard and waved you forward.
“Come on, she’ll be a while longer, it’s nicer out here.” You left your cup on the table and followed him outside. He led you to the pool, motioning for you to take a seat on one of the chairs. You appreciated how hospitable he and his wife were but you were feeling incredibly out of place in his home.
Cooper laughed and gave you a funny look. “You don’t look very comfortable over there.”
You shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile. “Am I that obvious?”
He shook his head, “Not to anyone else, maybe.”
“But you know me a bit better than anyone else,” you finished the thought for him. He was right. He knew you better than anyone in Hollywood did. And you enjoyed it and loved how close you had gotten over the course of filming the movie. But you also hated it a little bit.
Cooper Howard had always been an on-screen crush for you and now face-to-face with him, the infatuation has gotten even worse. It made you feel awful every time Barb invited you over to their house. You were a guest in her home and halfway to being in love with her husband.
But who could blame you? He was kind and sophisticated, and he wasn’t one of those Hollywood assholes who looked down on anybody who was deemed as below him.
And maybe you were mistaking his generosity for something else, but you swear he had a certain look in his eyes every time he stared at you.
You almost hoped that he didn’t. You wanted this to be different from the other men you worked with. They always claimed they were in love with you. It didn’t take long for them to realize that it was only lust and not love.
You wanted him to be different.
Maybe you’re a fool for thinking that there was still Prince Charming’s around. But you would hold onto that hope for as long as you could.
“I fucking hate you. You know that?”
“Why don’t you shut your mouth, huh, sweetheart?” You hissed in pain as Cooper squeezed the rag around your arm even tighter. He grinned at the noise and tied the makeshift bandage off.
“You should have just left me there.” He stood up and yanked your hands towards him. He used some of the rope to tie you up, leading you around on a leash like you were a damn dog.
“Couldn’t do that.”
“Yeah, why the hell not?” He finally looked at you, an angry set to his eyes. But he didn’t respond, he just yanked on the rope and dragged you forward. You complied, only because of the way your shoulder pulsed with pain.
You wished he had left you in Filly instead of dragging you along behind him. He had already dealt with Ma June and gotten whatever the hell it is that he puffs on. You had no idea why he even needed you anymore.
You weren’t of any use to him and it’s not like there’s some big bounty on your head. Why keep you around? Why not give you both what you want and just let you go?
Maybe it was cruelty. Maybe the only thing he got out of it, was knowing that he was torturing you. That seemed like enough for a man like him.
You stared at the back of his head and felt hate burning in your gut. He was right. Cooper was gone, you couldn’t even see him anymore. You didn’t want to see him anymore.
“We’ll get along just fine if you keep that attitude of yours in check.” If you could still pull out your gun, you’d take your chance. You’d shoot him dead if you could. Instead all you could do was longingly stare at it from where it was tucked in your bag.
He returned from where he’d been keeping watch, confident no one was going to bother them tonight. She sat with her back to him, the rope tied around the post of the old warehouse they were camped out in. She’d refused to talk to him since they’d made camp for the night and it was slowly driving him insane.
He’d made a decision when he went back for her. She belonged to him now, she wasn’t leaving anytime soon. He didn’t understand why she had to make all of this so hard.
He knelt down in front of her and she averted her eyes to a corner of the room behind him. He reached for the bandage on her arm and she jerked back, she looked at him at least, even if it was to glare. He’d take progress where he could get it.
“You want to let it fester and rot then be my guest.” She stared at him a moment longer before sighing and offering him her arm. He unwrapped the bandage and threw it to the ground. It was sopping wet with her blood and she winced at the noise it made when it landed, some blood sprayed off and hit her face. He’d meant to just graze her, done a bit more damage than expected.
There was a large divot where muscle should be, he could nearly see bone poking through on the deepest bit. It was a wonder she hadn’t been complaining the whole time they were walking. He’s not sure how she’s bearing the pain so well.
He needs to cauterize it before she loses more blood. He takes a glance at her face, the way her jaw is set, the cold look in her eyes everytime he so much as breathes. There’s no way this will go over very well, but there’s no point in investing any time in her if she just dies of rot tomorrow.
He starts a fire in the area with the least visibility, he’s trying not to tempt any stragglers near them. It’s not like he can rely on her to watch over him in the night, he’s sure if he handed her a knife she’d slit his throat right now.
He pulls his machete out and lets the dull edge heat up before bringing it back over to her. Her eyes widen but she still doesn’t say anything. And when he presses the edge into her wound and her skin sizzles and roasts she still doesn’t utter a word.
But she bites down on something in her mouth so hard blood leaks out of the corner of her lips. She’s being real tempting right now, all bloodied and cooked, smelling like a nice meal. Maybe he should chop her up into little pieces, she’ll keep him fed for a while, that’s for sure.
She starts panting, breathing heavy through her nose and he knows he’s kept this on here longer than necessary. Still, he can’t help himself. He presses the blade a little deeper, lets it hit some uninjured skin just to see if she says anything. She only clenches her eyes shut and turns away from him.
Disappointed by the lack of response he backs off. “You’re welcome,” he grouses.
“Fuck. Off.” She spits the words out at him, droplets of blood flying off her lips as she does.
The way her eyes flare with anger shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. But she has always been particularly pretty when she’s pissed off at him. He licks the blood off his lips and grins. “So she can talk.”
Her eyes well up with tears and he sits back, enjoying the sight of her breaking down. She’s caused enough trouble for him the past few days, she’s just getting a taste of her own medicine.
Cooper swoops in, taking her hand and leading her around the dance floor. She grins up at him, eyes shining under the lights of the ballroom, once again he’s struck by just how gorgeous she is. “I should warn you,” she leans in like she’s sharing a horrible secret and whispers, “I’m a terrible dancer.”
He takes her in, the pretty dress she’s wearing and how well it suits her and shakes his head. “Just let me lead.”
Her laugh makes his heart race and all he wants to do is run away with her. Get her out of here and just have her all for his own, if only for a few hours. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, mister.” The music picks up and he takes her through the steps he had to practice a dozen different times for a multitude of occasions, one including his wedding.
“Do you know how pretty you look tonight?”
She gives him a coy smile and shrugs. “I’ve been told by a few men, but I think I’d actually believe it if you said it.”
He leans down and kisses her. He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but he can’t help himself. She’s as soft as he’d imagined, shy and confused, but she doesn’t stop him. He feels her lean in and he slowly parts from her. “You look beautiful.” She pulls away from him, eyes wide and lips parted from shock. He sees the shine on her lips, the slight way they’ve swelled up and he wants to lean in again but he’s interrupted.
“Cut!” Sam walks over to them, a big grin on his face and claps Cooper on the shoulder. “I love the improv, Coop, we’re gonna do this again. Keep the kiss.” Cooper nods and waits for him to walk off before he turns back to her.
He offers her an apologetic smile. “I hope that didn’t bother you, darling. It felt right for the scene.” Not a complete lie, it did work better than whatever the writers had chosen for the next few minutes of dialogue. But truly, he was just fulfilling his own selfish desires.
She seems to blink herself out of some sort of daze. She shakes her head and steps away from him, he lets his hands fall down to his sides, already missing the feeling of her. “No, not at all. Good call, Coop.” His name on her lips sounds like music to his ears, especially that breathy way she says it when she’s nervous.
He sighs and rubs a hand down his face. What the fuck is he doing? He shouldn’t have kissed her. He definitely shouldn’t have pushed to get her this role, either, knowing she was going to be his love interest. He knows she’s been trying to step back from these types of things. But he also knows that she’d take any role he offered her.
He shouldn’t be taking advantage of that, but he can’t help himself. He finds that he wants to be near her, always. He wants to listen to her ramble and have her there to read scripts with, he just wants her around him constantly. It used to be purely platonic. The respectful relationship between a mentor and mentee. But she’d figured out how to navigate this world on her own.
Soon, he worried she wouldn’t need him anymore. Or want him around. He takes every opportunity he can to have her on set and it’s only recently that he’s noticed the physical attraction. He takes his hand off his face and glances to the side.
Barb is there, but she hadn’t been watching. She’s busy talking to one of the PA’s. He takes in a deep breath and gets back on his mark. If he messes up a few times, just so he can kiss her again, who could blame him?
“Cat got your tongue?”
You have a dozen different remarks, but you’re too drained to go through this routine again. You can tell he’s getting angrier the longer you ignore him. Good! He’s shot you twice, you didn’t exactly owe him the satisfaction of your conversation.
Your arm is throbbing, a dull pain that you can feel deep in your bones. You keep shifting, trying to ease some of the pressure off of it, but with the bindings around your wrist it’s nearly impossible. You want to cry, scream, fight. You want to do anything, but he’s bound you and you feel like a beaten down dog.
Your tails’ been cropped and you’re just going through endless rounds of fighting until you’re useless enough to be put down. You don’t see a way out of this. And even if there was, even if you did escape, you’d still have the rest of the Wastelands to get through.
He stands up and moves next to you. He throws himself down with a thud and digs around in your bag. “No rations left, huh?” You close your eyes and let your head thunk back against the pole you’ve been leashed to. He grabs his own bag and pulls out his foul smelling jerky.
He dangles it under your nose, slapping your cheeks with it a few times until you open up your eyes. He grins, yellowed teeth making you nauseous, “There are those pretty eyes. Come on, open up sweetheart, ass jerky ain’t gonna eat itself.”
Your nose scrunches up in disgust and you turn your head away. “Hey!” He snaps and you jump. “I’m being generous here, now, open your damn mouth.”
“Why’d you shoot me?” You spit it out, rushed and near incoherent. It’s a desperate attempt to distract him so you don’t have to eat what is confirmed human meat. That could have been you today, had you not woken up before that creepy old couple got to you.
He takes a moment, contemplating his answer. “Thought you were the raider.”
“Why?”
He rolled his eyes and the jerky, thankfully, dropped back into his lap. “I heard someone in pain. You don’t have a great track record, sweetheart, I figured someone had gotten you again.”
Indignant anger bubbled up in your gut and you moved as far away from him as you possibly could. Though, it was only a few inches. “You didn’t think I could defend myself. It wasn’t even a consideration?”
You knew how to shoot a gun, and you knew how to fight back. But shouldn’t there be a bit of grace considering a few days ago the entire world wasn’t fucking insane? You think you’ve handled yourself exceptionally well considering everything that’s been thrown at you.
There’s no hesitation in his answer, “No.”
“Well,” you spit the words out like you want to wound him with them, “you were wrong.”
To your surprise he smiles. It seems genuine enough, appreciative even, but you can’t trust him anymore. You never should have trusted him to begin with apparently. “That I was.” You wished you could smack the smug look off his face. He was acting like he had anything to do with your fighting or surviving that fight. Despite what happened with the raiders, you were capable of protecting yourself.
That woman was already bleeding out and on the ground before he had interrupted. “What the fuck do you want from me, Cooper?” His hand twitched towards his gun and he glared at you. You rolled your eyes and sighed, “Oh grow the fuck up, I said your name, shoot me or get over it. I’m not gonna play this game with you anymore. I’m not gonna let you walk all over me and I’m not going to continue to cater to your temper.”
He wasn’t angry, though, he was grinning. Making a noise that bordered on a laugh. “Someone found their fight again, it seems.”
Your jaw clenched and you kicked at him. He grunted at the impact and you felt a little bit of satisfaction flare up, “Answer the question.”
He shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t particularly like you, but I can’t seem to let you go either.”
“Well,” you scoffed, “you sure know how to make a girl swoon, don’t you.” Your wrists itched within the confines of their bindings and you pictured strangling him with the very rope he had you tied up with.
“You wanted the truth.”
“Did you enjoy yourself?”
Cooper wrapped his arms around Barb’s waist, he leaned in to kiss her but she dodged away from him. He let out a heavy sigh, already dreading this conversation, and backed up. “What are you talking about?”
She whirled around on him and glared, “Do not pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” He shook his head and walked over to the bar cart, pouring himself a glass of something that would hopefully calm him enough for another fight. They’d been fighting a lot lately.
He knew what this one was going to be about. Her, but they’d been having issues long before this attraction started up. She just wanted something to use against him, to make him the bad guy. She just couldn’t ever handle hearing the truth about herself.
But he wasn’t going to make it easy for her. He was sick of rolling over and just letting her have what she wanted for the sake of peace. “Give me something to work with here, Barb.”
She scoffed and shook her head muttering, “Unbelievable,” under her breath. “Shoving your tongue down her throat, that’s what I’m talking about!”
Cooper winced, “Lower your voice, Janey is-”
“Do not,” she held up a hand to silence him. “Do not bring our daughter into this. Answer the damn question.”
He let out a humorless laugh and held up his hands. “I don't know what you want. You’ve never had a problem with this before. It’s a part of my fucking job, Barb, what the hell do you want?”
She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just admit it, Coop, she’s different. We both know it, this isn’t some scripted kiss. You wanted it!” Of course he did. At least she actually liked him, appreciated him, made him feel something other than shame and frustration. She didn’t manipulate him at every opportunity like Barb did.
“Lower your goddamn voice!” He snapped, heat rushing to his cheeks in anger. “I am married to you, you are my wife, not her. I love you, okay, Barb. I don’t know where this is coming from, or why you’re choosing now to bring this up. But I’ve had a long day and I don’t want us to go to bed angry.”
She shook her head again and paced the length of the living room. “Cooper, I can’t-”
The phone ringing interrupted her. She looked at it like she knew who was calling and waved her hand to dismiss him. “We will continue this,” he walked towards the phone and took it off the hook. “What?”
He regretted how short he sounded when he heard her on the other line. She sounded a little confused and like she was sorry for bugging him. “Coop? Sorry, is this a bad time?” He glanced over his shoulder at Barb but she wasn’t looking at him anymore.
He let out a deep sigh and tried to reign in his temper, “No, sweetheart, what’s up?”
“Oh, well a few of us figured we’d go out and get some drinks. I wanted to see if you wanted to join us, or if you could give me a ride?”
He let the phone droop to his cheek and glanced at Barb again. She was already making her way towards the bedroom. “Make your choice, Cooper,” she called over her shoulder.
She piped up on the other end, “Coop?”
He glanced down at the phone again before he shook his head and brought it back up to his ear. “Yeah, I’ll be right over, honey. Let me just grab my jacket.”
“You remember that first movie we did together?” He leaned back against the wall, arm propped up on his knee and gazing out at the Wasteland. “Passed a poster for it in this old movie theater a week ago.” He glanced over at her and nudged her shoulder. “Must have been a sign, huh?”
Her voice was a hoarse croak that he nearly didn’t understand. “Did you ever love me?” The question came out of nowhere, catching him slightly off guard.
Anger flared through him. He turned to glare at her but she wouldn’t look at him. She had the audacity to ask something that fucking stupid and then she couldn’t even look at him?
“Hey,” she sighed and turned to face him. “‘Course I did. Why the hell would you say that?”
She snorted and shook her head. “Seriously?” He nodded and she sighed. “You told me you didn’t. All I was, was a hole to fill.”
He ran a hand down his face and shrugged. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you sweetheart.”
“How about the truth,” she gave him a sharp look and he laughed. She was real cute when she was trying to be threatening.
“Alright. You want some advice? Everyone in the Wastelands lies. Can’t trust a thing anyone says.”
She nodded but he should know better than to think she would give up so easy. “So, I can’t believe you now then?” She must have thought she was real clever. He was getting a little sick of this back and forth. She needed to learn to just listen to him, she’d get a lot farther a lot faster that way.
“Consider this the one exception.”
“And here I thought you didn’t like to drink, sweetheart.” She let out a drunken giggle and slumped further against Cooper. He glanced at her and laughed. Her eyes were barely open and she kept pointing at something but refused to tell him what it was she was talking about. “Keys?”
She lifted her purse but it dropped to the ground before he could grab it from her. Cooper sighed and propped her against her door, he leaned down to grab the bag and dug around until he found the keys. He noticed the little key chain he got her dangling from them and smiled.
A mini revolver, to commemorate their first movie together. It was cute that she had kept it, he hadn’t really expected her too. Then again, he’s kept every ridiculous gag gift she’s gotten him. “Alright, let’s get you to bed.” She threw an uncoordinated arm over his shoulder and let her feet drag while he tried to corral her into her apartment.
“Work with me, honey, come on.” She finally lifted her feet enough to stumble into her bedroom. He closed the door and heard a loud thud. “Shit,” he ran into her room but she’d only tossed her shoes across the room.
“I don’t drink,” she slurred, eyes red and cheeks puffy.
He chuckled and nodded his head. He hoped to get her lucid enough just long enough to get her tucked into bed. He was tired and going to get drinks had been a mistake. He wasn’t in the mood to try and entertain a group of people with tales of his glamorous Hollywood experience. Honestly, he’d gone just to talk to her, but she’d been in more of a mood to party than he had expected.
“Don’t trust anyone.” He grabbed the sleeves of her jacket, helping her out of it and trying not to laugh at how much she struggled with them. “Just you,” she hummed, giving him a smile even though her eyes were closed and she was a second away from passing out.
“That’s real sweet, why don’t you get in bed?” She nodded and threw herself down against the pillows. Cooper sighed and got up to get her trash can out of the bathroom, dropping it by the side of her bed in case she needed it.
He glanced down at her, taking in the serene expression she held when she slept. It was so different to the usual way she kept herself guarded, she seemed so vulnerable in moments like these. He brushed the hair off her face and turned the light off. It made him feel good to know that she felt safe with him.
He could never be with her the way that he wanted to, but at the very least he could protect her from the people who would just take what he wanted.
“I don’t think I can do this on my own,” she whispered. She shifted again, tugging at the bindings once more. Annoyed at her constant fidgeting he reached over and loosened them slightly. His fingers lingered on the reddened marks on her wrist, he pressed lightly on them and she shivered.
He let her go and sat back against the post. “I know.”
“I stupidly thought I would find something in Filly. I think I was trying to prove something to myself, but I can’t do this. I need help, but I’m not gonna let you treat me like some pet you didn’t want.”
He sighed and she turned to look at him. When he really took her in, actually paid attention to her, he could see how tired she was. That sort of bone deep tired that you only get after a lot of bad days. He’s sure that’s what this was, it’s how it was for him when he first started out on his own.
He didn’t have anyone to help him or guide him, he figured it out on his own. It made him smarter, stronger, turned him into somebody that no one was going to fuck with. She was a lot different than him, though.
“Alright.”
“You’re going to help me,” she held out her hands and he understood the gesture for what it was. A test, to see if he was true to his word, if you could actually believe him.
He grinned and yanked her closer, reveling in the way she winced at the ropes burning the open wounds. “I’ve had a taste of you now, sweetheart, I won’t be letting you go anytime soon.” She doesn’t flinch when he pulls out his knife, not even when he presses it against the tender skin of her wrist.
There’s trust in her eyes, a hesitant trust, but it was there. He slices through the knot of rope and wraps the rest of it up to put back in his bag. She lets out a sigh of relief and rubs at the irritated patches of skin. “I really did love you, you know?”
He’s sick of this. He’s sick of how sad she sounds, how tired. It’s barely been a week and she’s already starting to give up. He's already made the decision to keep her around, he’s not one to go back on his word. But she’s making it real hard to not just knock her out and shut her up. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, “so did I.”
She scoffed, “No. You didn’t, not like I did.”
His hand clenches at his side in frustration. What’s it gonna take to drill this into her head? He grabs her by the chin and yanks her forward, the leather of his glove smushing her lips together. “I loved you. You don’t get to doubt that and you don’t get to doubt me.”
He’s darting forward before she can shove him back. Her hands hang limply between them and she gasps in surprise when he presses their lips together. It’s not altogether pleasant, her lips cracked and bloodied and his have long since turned to leather.
But that familiar passion he once held for her sparks up and he shoves forward. She whimpers and lets herself fall back, hands grabbing at his jacket and tugging him closer. He used to treat her gently, savor their time together like they’d never have another chance. It always felt like that, they were one moment away from losing each other. He supposes he’d been right, their time was short.
Who they were now were two different people to who they’d been. He bites down on her lip hard enough to draw blood and pulls back. She’s staring up at him, shocked and flustered. He can’t tell if she wants to kiss him again or slap him. He doesn’t give her a chance to choose, he licks her blood off his lips and drops her to the ground.
She groans as her head slams against the floor, sand and dust billowing out from under her. “You should get some rest. We’ve got a long walk tomorrow.” He leaves her there in the dirt, lets her linger in the feeling of his rejection. He rubs at his lips and savors the taste of her blood on his tongue.
end. — I do not own the characters or the game/show Fallout, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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.·:*¨༺don't leave ༻¨*:·.
paige x reader
word count - 586
themes :
-angst
-just pure sadness
warnings :
-arguing
-sad ending
-cursing
a/n - sorry this is so short, i just had some...feelings i needed to get out. i might make a part two idk....
paige slammed the door behind the two of us, locking it aggressively. "can acknowledge what happened?" she said while i had my back turned at her.
we had been out for a while, she was obviously drunk out of her mind and i had to deal with that mixed with the fact that i was hanging out with another girl most of the time we were out.
"acknowledge what paige? acknowledge the fact that i was talking to someone else while you were getting shit faced? it is not that big of a deal."
i snapped and immediately regretted it. i knew how jealous paige could get and she was convincing me that this was her highest point of jealousy. but to be fair it was my fault that she wasn't even talking to me tonight.
i heard her take a long but sharp breath and when i turned around her hands were tangled in her own, already messy, hair. i could feel the anger surging through my veins when she spoke again.
"y/n you can't fucking do that to me. if i'm drinking without you it's not my fault if you don't follow. but the last thing you should be doing is going and talking to other girls." she was practically yelling now, flailing her arms in the air in between us.
"it was a girl. just one. do you think i'm the kind to just go and flirt with someone else the second i'm not getting attention?"
paige scoffed, turning her head around to hide the obvious smile on her face.
"i mean i wouldn't be surprised." she whispered under her breath.
i could feel tears welling up in my waterline. i quickly swallowed the hard lump in my throat, shoving it down to my stomach.
"what the fuck did you just say? you cannot be serious paige." i took a couple steps closer to the blonde.
"be real with me y/n. let's get logical. everytime you get in a relationship you get all touch starved and need someone new within two months."
i wanted to punch her. the rage built up behind my face had never been here before. especially not for the one girl i had done anything for. i've always beat myself up thinking about if i fuck something up with her and here i was being accused of doing so.
"i-" i stumbled upon my own words, not knowing how to come back from what was just said to me.
"yeah." she snarled.
my lip began to quiver at the thought of losing paige but i quickly got rid of that hesitation.
"fuck you." i said plainly before leaning down and picking up my bag along with a pair of shoes and my keys.
"wait shit i'm sorry i didn't mean that" paige quickly rushed to apologizing, while trying to cup my face and hips.
"no! get the fuck off of me paige." i pushed her off and stormed out of our apartment. my first instinct was to head over to azzi's place or nika's but i couldn't even be around them.
i ended up staying at a hotel for the night.
my heart was heavy. paige had never said anything like that, even while she was drunk. and if she actually meant that i don't know if id ever be able to forgive her. i fell asleep on a tear soaked pillow without any covers over my body. no blanket could replace the warmth of paige that i still needed to sleep.
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again i'm sorry this is short....i didn't spell check btw!!!!!
#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#uconhuskies#paigebueckersxreader#paigexreader#paige#paige x reader#angst#paige angst#paige bueckers angst
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💓Heartbeat Disco ☆ Timeless Tarot Guidance
Elements/Signs in this reading are calibrated to all aenergetic placements. Feel free to read as many Elements/Signs as you feel called to at this point in your spiritual evolution♡
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Are you feeling this aenergy of a Higher Romance that’s been pouring unto Earth this year? Earth’s temperatures are finally changing and so many Destined Lovers are going to find each other in the coming decades. I hope you’re excited for that for yourself~ You might just get a heartbeat disco this year and I hope that gets you enjoying Life and Love all over again! ☆
Fated encounters? Honest romance? Love that doesn’t leave you guessing? What’s coming to you in Love within the year you’re seeing this reading?! I hope your happiness is here to stay finally~♪
☆♪°・. aenergetic companion PAC ☆♪°・.
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Heartbeat Disco for 🐞Fire Signs – Gold Astrologer (Simon Forman)
Page of Cups, 8 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles
This year, Fire Signs, you are going to meet very interesting people that will make your heart flutter. This isn’t just about romance but a real sense of human connection that makes you understand, finally, that good people really do exist. And you’ll be glad you never lost hope in people—at least, not entirely XD The people you’ll be encountering are either younger than you in age or they simply exude a joyful and optimistic aura. These people are going to pull you into their worlds—their worlds are very exciting. You just need to know that you, too, have a place in those worlds.
Up until now, you’ve lived under the impression that you’d never amount to anything. This was all a mind game though; perhaps your society made you believe that someone from your country or background would never be able to be where you dream to be; perhaps you were gaslit since childhood, being made to believe that you’re worthless; perhaps there were many evil whispers about your power and talents. All’s a mind game. You’re getting out of that fuck-fog; you’re seeing your true worth now and you have been magnetising your Tribe.
This year—whatever year you’re finding this reading—you’re on the fast track towards your Soul Tribe and that place you belong to. On this new land, on this new landscape, you will be sharing positive aenergies and ideas with people who are similar to you not only in character but also in dreams and ambitions. For the first time ever, you will truly know what it feels like to have a ‘family’. And this family is so much better than you could’ve ever imagined~🍀
Oracle Guidance for Fire Signs🔻❤️
🐏Aries – Priestess of Prosperity
🦁Leo – Priestess of Luxury
🎠Sagittarius – Priestess of Luck
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Heartbeat Disco for 🐍Earth Signs – Red Alchemist (John Dee)
3 of Cups Rx, Queen of Cups Rx, 8 of Wands
Wow, seems you’ve been through some betrayals up until this point. It could also be a feeling of being disappointed in people—people or communities you thought had your best interests. For quite a while now, I think you’ve been in a purging phase. Ridding yourself of attachments and expectations that no longer served your highest good. It seems to me this year you’re still gonna be in that phase. This year is probably your last leg of the purging process though.
This whole being isolated, being alone, keeping to your own, learning to care for your mental health, has been necessary as part of your growing up. This is integral to your character/story development. Your Higher Self (and likely your ancestors, too) wanted to shield you from outside forces—vampiric forces—that would’ve drunk from your aenergy constantly, leaving you mentally drained and exhausted.
This year could be your last year of being alone in that sense—or maybe some time beginning next year. Your new chapter of better communications and better connections with high-quality people is only beginning to unfold. It hasn’t even started yet, dang. So keep going and be expectant for what’s to come. You have high places to go and powerful/inspirational people to meet. Your glorious days are yet to come, babe~🥂
Oracle Guidance for Earth Signs🔻💚
🐂Taurus – Priestess of Ritual
🧘🏻♀️Virgo – Priestess of Opulence
🐐Capricorn – Priestess of Inspiration
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Heartbeat Disco for ⛲Air Signs – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)
Knight of Cups, 9 of Wands Rx, Knight of Wands
Have you been wishing upon a star for a healthy Love? Seems like lately there’s been a love song in your heart <3 Seems like your Higher Self is announcing the advent of someone special this year hahah Of all the Signs, Air and Water seem like they’re going to be having the hardest heartbeat disco LMAO A destined encounter is very likely to happen for Air Signs this year. I sense you’re on the trajectory of a Soul Mission. I know you’ve been having signs and synchronicities. Your Spirit Guides have been giving you premonitions~
You’re seriously coming out of a karmic loop where in the past relationships were always taxing on your emotions, and simply, difficult/confusing to navigate. You’ve done all the inner work now. Starting this year, it’s like you’ve transported yourself into a different timeline altogether and you will start meeting very important Souls throughout the next chapter of your Life. In what ways are they important? All ways! You’ll know when you meet them! The excitement in your heart will tell you what purpose each Soul is meant to serve in your Story.
Some may lead you towards your Life Purpose; some may really carry you through the storms so you get to your Life Purpose; some may work with you as part of your collective dharmic Life Purpose. The scenarios vary but the people you will begin to meet starting this year are those that will make you fall in love with Life and yourself again. For some, romance may not seem all too close this year because you’re really working on your enterprise, but that surely can come later, right? XD
Oracle Guidance for Air Signs🔻💙
👯Gemini – Priestess of Intellect
⚖️Libra – Priestess of Illumination
🏺Aquarius – Priestess of Enchantment
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Heartbeat Disco for 🐝Water Signs – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)
4 of Pentacles Rx, 4 of Swords Rx, 5 of Swords Rx
Ready to mingle, Water Signs? :D Y’all seem to be the peeps who are most ready to re-enter society LOL You’re the ones who have been most disciplined in your healing and transformation. I sense this is especially the case if Water is your Moon or Ascendant! And to some extent, if Water is your North Node or the NN is in a Water House. Anyway, you’ve done such a marvellous inner work all by yourself, isolated from society and some of you have probably been dealing with curses and financial misery and whatnot. You’ve been keeping your chin up tho! The time for you to get rich, mingling, and be of assistance to others is NOW!
If you’ve not been able to go out or work regularly or even hold a decent conversation with anyone, soon you’ll see that you’re coming back to your healthy self. It’s your psychology that you’ve been working so hard on fixing and healing. This year is the end of all your spiritual struggles. You’re coming into your authentic power, your authentic expression. You don’t care anymore and you won’t be easily triggered by what used to depress you so much before. You’ve won this WAR against frequencies that were trying to destroy you from the inside!
I’m actually seeing bombs raining down on whoever tried to mess with you up until recently XD All of the bad karma, all of the negative thought-forms formed against you are firing back at their generator(s). You’re safe. You’re on calm shores now. And moving forward, you’re going to be surrounded by new friends and family who are going to be so supportive as well as protective of you. Congratulations! Love is in the aethers for you! Claim it~ Aaaahh! <3<3<3 Happiness is the most potent revenge on those who wished death upon your Light!
Oracle Guidance for Water Signs🔻💛
🦀Cancer – Priestess of Healing
🦂Scorpio – Priestess of Solitude
🎏Pisces – Priestess of Love
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
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#Punk Astro Guidance#tarot#tarot reading#astro tumblr#astrology#astro notes#astro observations#astrology notes#astrology observations#pick a card#astroblr#tarotblr#witchblr#witchcore#witchythings#love reading#tarot future spouse#future spouse reading#future spouse#divine counterpart
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Lay your hands on me
PAIRINGS: Bill 2011 x Female reader
CONTENT: Smut, Angst ??
SYNOPSIS: You start to see your friend Bill differently after noticing his beautiful hands.
WARNINGS: kissing, fingering
A/N: I blame it on my hand kink
You and Bill were always good friends who talked about everything and sometimes got drunk together. You thought you two would go separate ways when his fame increased, but even though you were away for a long time, whenever you met again everything was the same, you still had things in common and each other's company was never strange.
You were sitting on the couch in his living room while he excitedly explained the songs the band will release and the new concerts. You were listening attentively until he brought the products that would be sold to show you.
And you really wanted to pay attention to what he was saying and showing you, but your attention kept falling back to his arms and hands. You had never really stopped to watch them. But now that they were on display, in front of you, you couldn't look away.
You liked the way the subtle muscles in his arms tensed with the movements and his veins stood out.
You agreed with everything he said as you looked down at his hands. So beautiful and big. You bit your lip as you watched the slender fingers. You sighed trying to shake off all the sinful thoughts you were having. He's your friend and you shouldn't be thinking about these things.
You looked at him and he was already looking at you. You felt your cheeks heat up and you knew you were blushing.
"So, did you like?" He asked excitedly, seeming oblivious to the way you were looking at him seconds ago.
“Yes, I loved it.” You responded quickly, smiling at him as you tried to act natural.
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After that day, every time you met Bill felt like a test of your sanity. Did he always move his fingers like that? Have his rings always looked this sexy? You kept looking down at his hands involuntarily.
Imagining all the things he could do with his pretty hand, how they would feel around your neck, how he could leave the impression of his fingers on your hip if he squeezed enough, how his fingers would feel sliding into your pussy.
You sighed, biting your bottom lip hard to see if the pain would distract you and drive away those thoughts. You had been watching them rehearse for the concert for a few hours and there wasn't much you could do to distract you from the fact that you wanted to jump on your friend and beg him to fuck you.
You wanted to make up some excuse and stay away from Bill for a few days to get rid of these feelings, but you knew he would find it strange and question you about it, since whenever you two have the opportunity to spend time together you always take advantage of it.
The fact that Bill was so affectionate didn't help you either, he was always hugging you randomly. Before it was just a normal thing that you were used to, but now every time he put his hands on you it just wasn't enough. You squirmed in frustration every time his fingers gently touched your waist before he pulled away.
“You should blink every now and then.” You turned around and Tom was next to you with an amused look on his face. You watched as he grabbed a bottle of water and drank some. You hadn't noticed him approaching and apparently you hadn't noticed that the rehearsal was already over.
"What?" You asked with feigned innocence. Tom was always very smart and direct, of course he would notice something and speak up.
“You’re eating him with your eyes, it’s not hard to notice.”
You looked away and began to watch the other boys arranging their instruments calmly, oblivious to the two of you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He just looked you up and down with a small smile, as if saying he didn't believe in your act.
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You watched the entire concert from behind the scenes, it was the first time seeing it from this angle and it was really fun, mainly because you could see part of the audience and the reaction people had to each interaction with one of the boys.
As soon as the concert ended, Bill ran towards you and wrapped you in a hug, taking you off the ground, the adrenaline still running through his veins made him hold you tightly against his body.
You felt his sticky sweat against you neck, his natural scent invaded your sense and made you shiver.
“Bill, you’re suffocating me.” You whispered, hoping that he would let you go.
He placed you back on the ground after whispering a “sorry” but didn’t move away. You could still feel the heat his body emanated.
Tom asked suddenly. “You’re going to celebrate with us, right?” it sounded more like a summons than a question and you wanted to punch him in the face.
You were waiting for the right moment to walk away without being noticed and now you would have to come up with some excuse not to tag along to wherever they are going.
“I think I'll go home, I'm a little tired.” You said awkwardly. The disappointment on Bill's face didn't go unnoticed.
"Are you okay?" He asked as he looked at you with doe eyes. You had never stopped spending time with him because of tiredness, so it was to be expected that he would think it suspicious or be worried.
You were panicking not knowing what to say, he knows you well enough to know if you try to blatantly lie to him. You opened your mouth a few times thinking about what to say and heard Tom let out a loud laugh.
Bill looked at his brother and the two stared at each other for a few seconds as if they were communicating without saying anything. Soon after, Tom left.
Before Bill could ask anything else you started walking towards the dressing rooms, hoping to sneak out while he was changing.
Bill followed behind you, getting close to you up quickly, as your short legs didn't walk as fast as his.
"What is happening?" Now you could hear the worry in his voice. You were sure that if you looked at him you would quickly give in to his puppy eyes.
“Nothing is happening.” You said softly, but continued walking without looking at him.
Bill furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He overtook you and stopped in front of you, forcing you to stop and face him.
You sighed, preparing yourself for the argument knowing that you wouldn't get out of this situation so easily. He was always stubborn when he decided on something. Damn it.
“You’re acting strange.”
"I'm just tired." The answer didn't seem to convince him at all. "I promise."
Bill wasn't entirely convinced, but he seemed to accept it. You saw him approaching you, those hands ready to touch you again and you automatically moved away. Knowing the dangers of your thoughts, you were still recovering from the hug from a few minutes ago.
“What the fuck?” He shouted angry and hurt. Not only because you walked away from him, but because now it was clear that there was something wrong and you weren't telling him.
Not wanting to argue in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the dressing room.
The boys who were finishing packing their things left as quickly as possible, not wanting to get in the middle of the argument.
The two of you stared at each other for a while without saying anything. Bill was still holding you like he was afraid you would run away.
When you looked away from him, he sighed trying to calm himself and let go of your wrist. “You’ve been acting strange all week, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, I swear there’s nothing going on.” You whispered feeling guilty for worrying him. Bill had an are-you-kidding-me look.
You let out a surprised gasp when you felt him pull you down, forcing you to sit on his lap. You swallowed hard when you noticed his brown eyes so close watching you intently.
You moved back, trying to get off his lap, which only made your body move on top of him, Bill wrapped his arms around your waist and held you in place. “I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Bill.” You whispered in warning, trying to push his body away, but it didn't even bother him.
You had to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. Having his body so close to yours was making your thoughts run wild and you could already feel your body heating up with excitement.
Bill watched you trying to decipher what was going on. You looked away, hoping that would make him stop looking at you. But the act did not have the desired effect. He was looking at you wondering if he was crossing the line, but his mind replied no. After all, you didn't really seem upset with him.
When you didn't say anything else he asked. “Was it something I did?”
"No!" You responded automatically. You never wanted him to feel guilty about your strange behavior.
Bill grunted, throwing his head back and you felt his hand squeeze your waist. He was clearly frustrated.
You had to bite your lip to keep from moaning loudly at the feeling of his hand squeezing you.
“I won’t be mad, just tell me…” He placed his forehead against yours, you could feel his warm breath against your face. His hands traveled over your body, making a caress that at any other time could be described as calming, but the effect it had on you now was completely opposite.
“Bill, please…” You sighed, not even knowing what you were asking. No matter how much you wanted to leave and pretend nothing happened and keep your friendship as it always was, everything had already changed.
Bill was looking at you carefully, now seeming less oblivious to the whole situation. “Tell me, what do you want?”
“Your fingers…” Your mouth… Your cock… You didn’t dare admit the last two, even though you really wanted to right now. “Inside me…” You spoke the words as your legs shook as you spread them as wide as you could in your position.
Contrary to what you imagined, Bill didn't seem shocked. Then he smiled, watching your neck exposed to him. Bill lowered his head, pressing a wet kiss to your skin. Your body slowly relaxed as his lips softened and warmed the skin of your neck, leaving sensual kisses and bites. You closed your eyes enjoying the affection.
Bill smiled against your skin, with smug excitement. Taking it as consent, he moved his hand from your waist to the inside of your dress. He took advantage of your parted lips to slide his tongue into your mouth. You let out a muffled moan when you felt his hand move and squeeze your breasts tightly.
You responded to Bill's kiss, almost breathless, unable to keep up with his desperate pace. He seemed to be able to do everything at once without you realizing what was happening, until he started something else.
Bill's fingers ran up your thigh, purposely scratching your skin, brushed your entrance, just the tip of his index finger pushing in slowly before pulling back in teasing.
“How do good girls ask?” He asked, satisfied with your frustration. This was what you deserved for making him so worried.
“Shit – hmm – Bill…” You swore between moans, grinding your teeth and frowning. Bill laughed and you really should have seen this coming. He was a damn provocative son of a bitch.
“Trying to insult me doesn’t seem as effective when you’re moaning with my fingers inside you.” He whispered before rubbing his palm over your clit as his fingertips teased your entrance.
You bite your lip and throw your head back against Bill's body. That particular move was good, you wanted to pull your own hair out. Or his. But it wasn't enough.
"Please." You breathed breathlessly through your moans.
"What was that?" He pushed in a finger, but immediately pulled out, leaving the hole open and empty.
“Please, Bill! Please just-” He interrupted you by entering you with his index and middle fingers. You let out a loud, lewd moan as his fingers filled you. He rubbed inside you, curling his fingers over that perfect, swollen spot that made your knees buckle and your mouth open in pleasure. You could feel his rings scratching the skin of your thigh every time you tried to bring your legs together.
You were pulsing around him, the sounds coming from his fingers moving in and out of you were completely obscene. But somehow it made you more excited.
“Faster…” you said and Bill swallowed hard, his breathing rising rapidly as if he had just run a mile. You were so beautiful to look at. He obeyed, his hand speeding up, pumping his fingers in and out of you faster and faster. He could cum just from your moans and the movement of your ass rubbing against him. You were completely ecstatic now. It was exactly where nothing else mattered except the orgasm being built. And you were so close.
You moved your head towards him, smelling his hair. Bill looked down, watching you with your mouth slightly open and your eyebrows furrowed. Your cheeks were flushed and your hair stuck to your face.
“Oh, Bill…” You closed your eyes as if you were looking too much. You moaned, not knowing you were doing it directly in his ear and Bill's fingers twitched inside you.
"Are you going to cum on my fingers, liebe?" The way he said it with the nickname only made it seem even sweeter. Even though deep down you knew he wasn't.
One of your hands was twisting his shirt into little fist and the other was on top of him, guiding his fingers in and out of you, as if you were scared he would stop. He pressed his mouth to your neck, and you imagined his mouth the same way on your pussy. Your orgasm came stronger than you had ever had in your life.
You squeezed your thighs tightly, wanting to keep him inside you for as long as possible. The tremors of your orgasm still ran through your body like a wave. You didn't say anything for a while after that.
You felt your face turn red with embarrassment as you had to spread your thighs so Bill could remove his fingers from you. You let out a small noise, knowing it would be sore for a while.
Bill's hand gently brushed the hair out of your face before whispering in your ear. “Was it so hard to tell the truth?”
You wanted to respond to his provocation, but the sound of someone knocking on the door made you divert your attention.
And then came Tom's angry voice. “Are you guys going to stay there all fucking night?”
#bill kaulitz#tokio hotel#tom kaulitz#georg listing#gustav schäfer#bill kaulitz smut#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz smut#bill kaulitz fanfic#bill kaulitz x you#tokio hotel smut
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Cozy Corner Domaystic prompt #24: OCD
Homelander, Billy Butcher. Gen coparenting. Or gen as far as we know.
Art by @maxkennedy24 . Commission them! 😊 They’ve put up with some bizarre requests from me, including this one.
Butcher hears cursing under his breath before the vacuum powers on. Somehow he doubts this supe cunt has vacuumed a day in his life before he got a roommate he never asked for.
The New York City Family Court awarded Butcher joint custody of Ryan after a DNA test. Homelander is still appealing the ruling, and cited Butcher’s apartment as ‘completely uninhabitable for a child’ in the course of his complaint. He probably didn’t expect Butcher to shrug and say he’d move in if that’s what Homelander really wanted. And he probably didn’t foresee Butcher getting the chance to make his life miserable by refusing to move into a neighboring Vought apartment, and Stan Edgar authorizing all of it with a sadistic twinkle in his eye because he seems to have it out for his top product.
Homelander is so mortified by the turn of events that he won’t even call in housekeeping on the days when Butcher stays there. He doesn’t want anyone witnessing this, apparently.
Butcher takes another drag of his cigarette and taps it to have ash fall on the floor.
“CAN YOU JUST-“ Homelander explodes but then catches himself and bites his tongue.
“Just what,” Butcher asks rhetorically, not looking up from his phone.
“Nothing. I was going to ask you to get your ass off the couch and clean up your mess. Ryan’s coming back up here soon from his lessons. I thought maybe you’d feel at least a smidgen ashamed of all this.” Homelander points at the open, not-all-finished-off beer bottles on the floor.
“Lucky for me this apartment comes with maid service.” Butcher chuckles as Homelander sighs and lifts up the entire couch to vacuum under it more easily.
“I know you don’t live in a pigsty like this,” he laments. “So I don’t know what you’re trying to prove right now.”
“Oh so you think my apartment is cleaner than yours? Did I hear you correctly?”
“Shut up,” Homelander mutters, but still puts the couch down gingerly, because he doesn’t want to fuck up his shiny lacquered floor.
“It ain’t healthy to get so OCD about minor things.”
“It’s hardly OCD not to want your child tripping over beer bottles and inhaling cigarette fumes!” Homelander mutters as he gathers all the beer bottles, throws them in the recycling bin he’s had to acquire, then thinks better of it and drags the bin outside into the hallway.
“Yeah, that plastic bin don’t really fit in with the rest of the decor in here.”
“More like I don’t want Ryan smelling beer in this apartment.”
Homelander stands there with his arms crossed, waiting for his gaze to be met, but Butcher pointedly pretends not to notice him.
“If I could get rid of things just because they don’t fit with the decor, you’d be the first to go,” Homelander mutters angrily, but then he evidently hears Ryan taking the elevator up and his face instantly transforms into a much happier, tense mask before he whirls around and opens the door to greet him.
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Can you do a fluff with slash where the reader has a bad day at work and feels dizzy so slash tries to comfort her ??
A/n: As someone who's low iron I can understand the getting dizzy so I kind of based this off of my own experiences, hope others can relate, even if not I hope you still enjoy it <3
Warnings: None, just fluff
I love pictures of slash where you can see his eyes bc he looks just as surprised that he actually does have eyes, also looks mildly insane but that’s ok ☺️
Your head was killing you. It wasn’t even so much of a headache as it was this weird feeling you just couldn’t get rid of. Your body was freezing but you were sweating, your hands were shaking and your knees felt weak. Like a deer on ice.
You told your boss how you were feeling, she took one look at your pale face and sent you home. You sat outside on the curb until Slash could come pick you up. It was fall, winter just coming up. It was too cold to stay out for long but it felt nice for you right now.
Slash pulled up and barely stopped the car before he rushed out to get to you, sitting beside you on the curb and throwing his leather jacket around you. “Jesus, fuck, what happened?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you.
You shrugged and leaned into his touch. “Didn’t feel good.” You mumbled. Slash kissed your forehead.
“No shit.” He helped you up and got you into the backseat of the car so you could lay down.
Upon arriving at your shared home he got you into bed, putting on your favourite movie. “Wait here until I get back, alright?” He kissed your forehead and cheek before turning to leave.
“Where-where are you going?” You asked, voice carrying hints of exhaustion.
Slash turned again and came right back to your side. “I’m just going to get some things.” He brushed your hair out of your face. “I’ll be right back, okay?” You nodded, your eyes already starting to close. He kissed your forehead again and left.
When he returned you were all sprawled out on the couch with the TV all a channel that was pure snow. Slash dropped the bags and rushed over to you in fear that your condition had worsened.
“Hey, hey. What’re you doing out here?” He asked, shaking you gently. You stirred, slowly blinking your eyes open, a wide smile pulling at the corners of your mouth when you saw the curly haired guitarist.
You reached for him and he scooped you into his arms, sitting on the couch with you in his lap. “Hey, baby, how did you get out here?”
Your head rested on his chest. “I woke up and you weren’t back yet.” You said, reaching up to play with his hair. “You said you’d be right back.”
Slash sighed and gave your arm a quick rub. “Yeah. Yeah, I know, I just went out to get some snacks and stuff to help you feel better.” You hummed in understanding. “How about you go crawl back into bed and I’ll make you some tea?” You smiled and nodded, slowly standing and heading to the bedroom. “Just call for me if you need anything.”
You curled up in bed. Your body had mellowed out, no longer sweating, no longer freezing. Your chest still felt heavy and everything was a little foggy still but you were doing better.
Slash came in a while later with a tray of food. He was never one for cooking so you watched him carefully as he approached. There was a cup of tea, a sandwich and a muffin. He handed you the tray with such a proud smile of what he’d done. You smiled up at him. “Did you make the sandwich?” He nodded as he got in bed next to you.
“Yeah, sorry, I tried.” You kissed his cheek.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” It wasn’t a half bad looking sandwich, mozzarella cheese, bright lettuce, juicy tomatoes. Slash fumbled with the remote until he found a good channel to watch, horror movies, of course.
Slash didn’t leave your side the rest of the night for more than a few minutes. It took some convincing to even get him to let you go to the bathroom alone.
He held onto you as much as he could, repeatedly asking you how you were doing, if you needed something for the pain, food. He made sure you were well taken care of. He brought some cats in to give you cuddles because he’d seen somewhere that they have ‘healing qualities’.
To a point you could understand it but you were pretty sure he just wanted the cats to sleep with you guys. They craved the warmth of your bodies on the bed, one or two even crawling under the blankets and licking your toes.
“Feeling better?” Slash whispered in your ear, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. You nodded, nuzzling into him.
“Thank you for taking care of me.” Slash kissed your forehead.
“Anything for you, sweetheart.”
#guns n roses#guns n roses fanfic#guns n roses x reader#gnr#slash#gnr fanfiction#slash gnr#gnr x reader#gnr fic#slash guns n roses#slash fic#slash fanfiction#slash fluff
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Your ocs are so interesting, I found you through a repost of another yandere blog I love but now I also love yours so get ready for my weird asks.
So what if MC is a god, not a good one nor a bad one, not popular but neither unknown. That doesn't matter to them, they have unlimited power and are immortal. So what best way to use that power than go to gamble for the fun of it? They are cunning and extremely confident (for obvious reasons) and treat others with basic respect but it is apparent that they view them as ants compared to them.
You can choose which OCs find out they are a god and wich don't. How would they react? How will they act around them?
Specifically for DD, MC decides to gamble their life and loose just to fuck with them as they try to pierce their skin and it's simply impossible (or maybe not and they love too much and spare them, I still don't know what he would do if their beloved lost their life)
-🦊 anon
OOOH THIS IS COOL!!! THANK YOU !!!!
Yandere!OCs x GN God!Reader
(Pssst, TW for a mention of suicide)
Amias
Amias has always known there was something off about you. Your mannerisms are strange and he constantly feels like you're looking down on him.
When you decide to gamble your life, he's appalled. How dare you? As far as he's concerned, your life is his too. This is too much for him.
He feels his heart melt out of his chest when you lose. Time stops as he falls on his hands and knees in front of you, eyes wide and unfocused. He's not ready to have a dead darling.
But you seem confident. Was this your plan? To get rid of him, you want to die? He can't stand to watch as you make your way confidently to the execution arena.
Did he go too far? Did you really need to do this? He can be better. Please don't leave.
But the blade doesn't make even a dent as it rests against your skin. You laugh mockingly toward the crowd before announcing your immortality with a confident smile.
Amias is shattered. You did this all... just to mess with him? Oh, dear. Such a pretty little bird doesn't need to be making a big fuss. You'll be safer from yourself in his arms.
Edge
Edge always knew. He could see right through you. It just makes you even more interesting, in his eyes. The way you look down on him... He's so untouchable, usually. So for you to treat him like an insect?
It's intoxicating.
Degrade him more! Tell him how useless and disgusting he is! Fuck, you've unlocked something in him. He's never been treated so poorly before, and he's entranced.
He's under your thumb, this time. You seem to be enjoying it too, so what's the harm? There's no way you're ever losing a game, by the way. You've unlocked simp Edge.
Double Down
He has no clue. He doesn't care much about your degrading comments. He's been rejected before, and he'll still go after you no matter how many times you tell him to die.
DD absolutely REFUSES to kill you, even when you gamble your life. You'd have to get him real mad before he even considers it, which is very difficult to do. When Edge tells him he HAS to, he says he's quitting his job then. He doesn't care. He'll walk out with you on his arm (you looking less than amused) whether you like it or not.
So, now he's unemployed and attached at your hip. You're annoyed. This weird mortal is clinging to you like a weird dog with separation anxiety. He looks happy, though.
Jackpot
He's already prepared to worship you, so don't worry about being a god. Nothing will change, he adores you either way.
If you gamble your life and lose, he's broken. Forever. Doesn't matter if you don't actually die, he's shattered. You did it on purpose? Even worse. He's never going to forgive himself.
He's hardly what he used to be. He won't eat or sleep. By this point, Gambit probably hates you. Jackpot's by your side, weakly clinging to your hand whenever he can be. He doesn't show up to work, either.
You've ruined him.
Gambit
Gambit isn't sure how to feel once he finds out. He ends up with the information on accident when Edge tells him, but he doesn't know how to react. He doesn't change much, maybe gets a bit more shy around you.
He loves you regardless, don't get him wrong. He just doesn't feel worthy of being around you.
If you gamble your life and lose, he'll calmly escort you out of the casino to give you a stern lecture on the value of life. You're half asleep by the time he finishes.
He'll keep you tied up if it means he can keep you safe, no matter how immortal you are.
#yandere oc#yandere#yandere boy#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere x darling#yandere boyfriend#yandere scenarios#bpdoubledown#bpedge#bpamias#bpgambit#bpjackpot
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Hi ! It's going to sound weird but....
How do you think Kai would have influenced Luke's personality if Luke actually won during the merge ?
I know Kai was stronger, but let's say Luke wins.
He was already pretty strong since he was able to break Liv out of the spell she was trying to do. He was stronger than his sister. He would have won if they were to do the merge. I don't exactly remember how powerful he was but I suppose he was fairly quite good with magic.
And magical powers aside, he has quite a strong personality. He's fed up with the Mystic Falls gang bullshit. He was not even that scared of Kai. I mean, he knew his brother was a freaking threat, but he did not hesitate to go on his own and do the merge with Kai. Even when Kai didn't want to do it Luke was like "Hey bitch, you scared I could win ?"
I don't think Luke really thought he could win or maybe he did, anyway he just wanted it to end. He wanted to project his sisters.
So, with Kai's personality inside of him, what would he be like ? I think that guy would at least find a way to end that Gemini tradition crap about the merge, and the lives of the whole coven linked to the leader.
Apart from that I don't know.
That would not be as fun as seeing Kai struggle with new emotions 🤣 but I want to see Luke being even more badass you know.
Yup, really long question sorry not sorry. X)
This is a very interesting question! Tho I have wondered what Jo would be like if she merged w Kai & won, I've never wondered about Luke until now... I think it could be a very compelling arc for him & the gemini coven. Here's what I think would happen! (I wrote a whole ass mini-fanfic in my answer lmfao):
Fresh after the merge: Luke would initially act & feel almost exactly like same old Luke, except maybe he'd rightfully be a bit more grim, traumatized and world-weary after defeating Kai. Liv & Jo would be concerned but he'd tell them not to worry bc he just needs some time to recover & leading the coven rn is more important than his mental health anyway (aka the FIRST Red Flag). Liv & Jo would disagree but let it go for now to avoid stressing him out.
First few months as leader: I think Luke's first order of business would be to undo the damage Joshua did as a terrible coven leader. That might mean overturning fucked up coven laws, etc. but Joshua doesn't like this, so he gets his supporters in the coven to back him & veto Luke's changes. Meanwhile, Luke's own coven support is growing bc I do believe he'd be a MUCH better leader than Joshua, so old man's resentment grows more. Eventually, it reaches a point where Luke feels boxed in like he can't make any real GOOD change bc of Joshua's puppets & THAT is when... the whispers of Kai's voice begin to awaken in Luke's mind. Uh-oh...
Conflict resolution 101: The part of Luke that's in control tries to be diplomatic about getting rid of Joshua's supporters but it just. doesn't. work. The assholes are FLUENT in gemini bureaucracy bc they've been around longer so they outmaneuver Luke constantly. That's when Kai begins suggesting some... less diplomatic solutions, including the idea that Joshua's supporters wouldn't be such a problem if JOSHUA was gone. Luke spends a long time rejecting this & literally warring with himself, so Liv & Jo are like "dude are u ok" and in a moment of weakness he admits his idea about taking joshua out. They're shocked, but after a sec, they're like "wait this is the same man who tried to off his own kids more than once. Uk what? yes lets do it." And suddenly all 3 (ahem, 4) Parker kids are plotting to put dad in a magical coma (hmm does that sound familiar? I wonder which sibling's idea this was...) so he can't influence his supporters anymore. And the siblings succeed! Joshua's out! but it becomes their lil secret, hidden from the coven...
A Good Ol' Frame Job: Lo and behold, Joshua's supporters still stay loyal to the man in a coma instead of Luke! Liv & Jo are like "it's fine luke, dad isn't gonna wake up so eventually they'll have no choice but to listen to you" but KAI isn't convinced... and neither is Luke. Diplomacy didn't work, sleeping beauty-ing joshua didn't work, so now he needs to play dirty. He doesn't jump to violence or anything - he simply frames a few of them for crimes they didn't commit. Snakey, but simple. Only problem is... Luke can't recall if this idea was his own, or Kai's...... bc they're both equally likely to have thought of it. Kai's influence is growing... So when Jo & Liv come to him like "wow crazy how those supporters got revealed as criminals right? That worked out conveniently," Luke goes w the safest option & says "haaa yea what a coincidence! no idea how that happened" ......and now he's lying to his sisters (Big Red Flag #2)
Calm before the storm: Now that joshua's remaining supporters (who haven't been framed) are very few, Luke doesn't face much resistance anymore & he actually succeeds at reforming a lot of fucked up gemini practices & making positive change. Maybe he even succeeds at eliminating the merge altogether! Luke's flying high, believing he's a true protector of the geminis & the best leader and savior (which, to be fair, he rly is better than the shitty leaders before him)! Kai's influence here is very sneaky bc some of Luke's old sense of humor comes back to him, with some new hints of cockiness that weren't there before. Luke's golden boy charm & Kai's cockiness creates the perfect politician cocktail & liv and jo appreciate the good he's done for geminis but also lowkey resent the big-headed self-important persona he's growing.
But THEN there's trouble in paradise: joshua's leftover supporters find a piece of evidence that proves Luke framed the others & they threaten Luke w it, deducing that he also had smthg to do w Joshua's coma. They order him to step down but he can't do that. Not now, when he's finally *this* close to changing the coven for good! These pricks will wake joshua & bring the old laws back! No, he can't let that happen, he can't let it- ....Luke snaps. He blacks out, then wakes up in horror to realize he violently killed. them. all. He panics, calling Jo & Liv for help BUT to cover his ass, he lies & says he had to kill them bc they found out about "all 3 of them" cursing Joshua... while choosing not to mention how they also discovered his frame jobs. Liv & Jo are horrified yet they help him cover this up bc he's falsely led them to believe their asses are also on the line for cursing joshua... but then Jo notices some of them were killed in very "Kai" ways (bled to death from their spleens getting cut out, etc.) & Liv finds the piece of evidence they had that links Luke to the frame jobs...... the 2 of them realize Luke is not in control anymore.
The Climax: Liv & Jo confront Luke, asking him to step down but warning him that they'll MAKE him if he doesn't agree. He doesn't agree. A fight ensues & Luke is pretty OP despite the 2 v. 1. Luke gets *this* close to killing them (while Kai cheers him on), but then says SIKE and kills JOSHUA's comatose body instead, shocking everyone. Jo, Liv AND Kai are like "wha- why?!" & Luke the politician diabolically reveals that he can't bring himself to kill them - but he can frame them for Joshua's death & turn the coven against them.... OR he can frame the dead supporters for Joshua's death & save his sisters, IF Liv & Jo stay loyal to his cause. At this ultimatum, Jo & Liv finally give up, saying they'd rather get framed or killed than let him rule the coven like this. The Kai in Luke gets triggered by their abandonment bc he's a gOoD LEADER can't u SEE?! Kai's increased presence & Luke's increased lack of control make his SIPHONING manifest for the first time & he unintentionally starts siphoning the sisters. And Luke gets triggered by them trying to overthrow him bc he's the OnLy one who can PROTECT the coven!! Just like he protected Jo & Liv from Kai!! At this point the sisters' resentment RLY comes out like "WE DIDNT ASK YOU TO!! YOU chose to merge to protect us WITHOUT ASKING what WE wanted!! U literally knocked out Jo when she was ABOUT to merge! You protected us bc that's what U wanted, not US. And now the coven doesn't need to be protected BY you anymore, it needs to be protected FROM you!!" Like a bucket of ice water, Luke realizes he's siphoning his sisters rn. He has become Kai. They're right. He is not in control anymore. He steps away & realizes the whole coven itself is broken. The best way to save it is to take the ruling family nonsense out of it & free everyone. He agrees to step down & Jo & Liv help him break the coven link altogether and they free the coven! For a moment, it seems like Kai is going to stop them, but then even the Kai in his mind realizes the coven fucked him over his whole life & he'd much rather see it gone. So all 4 kids unite in Sibling Solidarity and liberate the coven!
Epilogue: Luke gets therapy & that means Kai begrudgingly gets it too bc he's stuck in luke's head. They both start healing & finding a medium ground of how to share space in luke's head. Kai even uses Luke to apologize to Liv & Jo for his own crimes. I'd like to think he'd even get Luke to go to Bonnie and apologize on his behalf & maybe help her out whenever he can, tho i don't think it would be sexual, bc in canon the merge didn't change kai's sexuality so i doubt it would change luke's. But yea I think bonnie would still at least have a new ally in luke thanks to the Kai in him xD
THE END lol I hope my impromptu mini-fanfic here answered your question ahaahaha thank you for asking!!!
#tvd#kai parker#jo parker#luke parker#liv parker#joshua parker#bonnie bennett#merge#gemini coven#headcanon#fanfiction#fanfic#asks#mine
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wow its times like these where I'm reminded I fucking hate myself
#vent#I will never be rid of this fucking feeling#gnawing at my insides#some days its hard for me to do anything bc I know it means nothing#i am this close to losing it#I am THIS CLOSE to giving up on art entirely#*draws something* wow I never want to draw again#can't do this shit no more 😹
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journey’s end au where the doctor tries to kick everyone off the TARDIS and they just go, ‘???? no?’ and won’t leave. can’t be stupid and think everyone will leave you when they won’t get out of your house.
#the doctor is simultaneously so happy about this and SO annoyed. get out of his house!!! this is his tardis!!!!#(tentoo voice) OUR tardis. (doctor voice) MY TARDIS!!!!!#rose and martha and donna and jack are literally having a girls night in the same room as this argument#sarah jane was invited but did not join them. autisms.#however mickey and her have been bonding and the doctor feels so betrayed. sarah jane is supposed to be on his side!!!#can’t even complain to the metal dog. k-9 is still busy.#(sarah jane voice) oh i should invite luke and his friends- (doctor voice) NO CHILDREN ON MY SHIP#((tentoo voice. from the other room.) OUR ship)#jack manages to sneak ianto and gwen on board before sarah jane gets the bannerman gang in simply because torchwood is easier wrangled than#literal children (not saying much)#how does gwen manage to sneak rhys on that one time? no one’s really sure. he didn’t stay on very long but it was long enough for jack to#lose a bet.#i think only jackie leaves but NOT before she and tentoo and rose have established interdimensional facetime so that she can phone her#daughter and her son-in-law and her guy-who-her-son-in-law-is-cloned-from#(doctor voice) donna i need to erase ur memories ur brain will explode otherwise (rose from across the room) hey didnt i absorb something#that would explode my brain once. i still have my memories. (donna voice) YEAH DOCTOR CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT????#donna metacrisis is solved because jack says ‘fuck it let me eat the metacrisis somehow it probably wont kill me’ and then he glows for like#a week but he’s fine.#he is literally never getting rid of any of them. get found family-ed idiot#(god wait funniest fucking thing if end of time happens here and the master’s plans are completely derailed because he gets tackled by seven#different companions. kicking him while he’s on the ground while the doctor goes D:)#doctor who#tardis family au
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deeply underrated duo. i think they should have hung out
#my art#fern the human#fern mertens#betty grof#magic betty#adventure time#fionna and cake#atimers#in my heart of hearts this is canon and we just never saw it#but i think that like. fern would go to Betty because she seems like the only person in ooo to be studying how to fix curses and fern wants#to fix his shit. betty takes him in only because it could be beneficial to her research#given that the grass curse is a NASTY ONE#and it’s holding his body together and affecting his mental state and ability to control himself#so betty is going to run like. every test she can on this boy#fern will go along with it because he’s desperate#and eventually#because fern kinda feels like he has Nobody he gets attatched to Betty and might even start seeing her as something of a mother figure. lol.#which is fucked up!! because betty has no interest in being this kids mom and she really only wants to use him for research but now she#can’t get rid of him and he’s still Useful obviously so she just kinda has to. deal with it#Does anyone hear me. please god.
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God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like
Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault
On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself
IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure#but god both possibilities are so tasty#personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders#shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil#but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked#like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma#and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her#like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others#and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much#because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die#and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on#but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen#not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize#he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her#but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off#and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much#she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed#and its all just too much and she completely loses it#so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder#but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are#those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :(#as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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i was welcomed with open arms and now i am part of a yarn club in town... this fucking rules. i got an old lady group i'm part of now FUCK YEAH
#genuinely this is so awesome DJSKL theyre all so cool#i realized halfway through that ohhh this is the group i've seen and wished i could join... WELL NOW I HAVE JOINED. HA.#it was really fun and fsdjkl i think theyre expecting me to not want to come back bc they kept saying i simply HAVE TO and im like YES !!#I FUCKING LOVE IT HERE!! YES I WILL BE RETURNING EVERY WEEK!! YOU WILL NEVER GET RID OF ME ACTUALLY!!#ALSO i have a tie-in that i decided to use (wouldve been awkward later if i didnt say anything right away) that my grandma used to attend#before she moved away#and they all seemed absolutely tickled pink at that dsfjkl small town things JFDSJKL#i was hesitant to admit to that though bc im never sure how ppl feel about my grandparents bc... both sets are. strange LMAO#but they seemed happy about it so yay :]#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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maybe I could get over the paralysing fear of any type of medical procedure or institution ever if it just meant they would rip this stupid unnecessary bitch organ out of me........
#I DON'T WANT THIS USELESS UTERUS IT DOES NOTHING BUT TAKE UP SPACE AND FUCK MY MOOD AND BLEED RANDOMLY?????#is there some kind of pill that makes you not have a period ever but that also isn't the actual pill because the actual pill is horrifying#i just want to get rid of this thing i don't need it i have never needed it i HATE IT#i'm not even on my period yet but i keep feeling like crying whenever someone even looks at me and i KNOW THAT'S HER FAULT#rayrambles
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ok gwens my girl and I love her but s5 gwen was not eating
#I feel like they got rid of her personality#why the fuck was she sentencing the serving girl to death#gwen would never#merlin#bbc merlin#gwen#guinevere
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