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rewatching-sam-and-dean · 1 year

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Why this Doesn’t Mean Destiel : Part 1 - Mixed Tape

I may make this a series. I may not. But I’m feeling annoyed by a certain side of fandom, so I’m going to take a look at moments (or things) that are claimed to totally make D and C cannon, and discuss why I disagree. If you like the ship, please just save yourself the annoyance and skip on past this post. If you read this anyway or are not a fan, and have anything to add, I welcome your thoughts.

THE TAPE:

First, and I can’t believe I have to say this, a mixed tape is not actually inherently romantic. Friends make mixes for each other all the time, or used to before you could just share playlists or whatever them kids are doing these days. For example, my friends have ripped me CDs because they had better internet, they gave me a mix for my birthday, we went on a road trip and they left me the mix, or just because. I have done many of these things for my friends in return. A missed-tape or CD is simply a way to share songs we like with people we care about, or even an acquaintance. Can it be romantic? Absolutely! Is it inherently so? No.

Why isn’t this particular tape romantic? Check the name: "Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx.” This looks, more than anything, like a tape Dean made for himself ("Dean's"). As in, "I really like these particular songs, so I’m going to put them on one tape, so I don’t have to keep changing tapes over on road trips." Also, note the "Zepp Traxx." This looks more to me like something a teenager would write because it looks "cool" than anything else. I mean, a Dean who is pushing 40 might write "Traxx" on a tape — maybe — but it doesn’t seem that likely. So, it’s more than likely this tape was made decades ago, for himself, thus not a romantically intended (or thought out) mixed-tape. There is nothing about the tape itself to indicate it was made for Cass or that it has any special meaning.

DEAN:

Can we be honest here for one minute, people? Can anyone — anyone who has actually watched the whole show rather than cherry picking certain people's scenes — actually picture Dean Winchester, sitting down with an old boom box, lovingly, tenderly loading tapes into one side and recording onto a blank tape in the other side, thinking, "Sigh! These songs are so special to me because they make me think of my crush, Cass!" Or "I’m going to make Cass a tape of the most romantic Zeppelin songs I can to show him I care!"? If you answered "Yes" to that … this is not the blog for you. Also, I doubt that you know who the canon Dean Winchester is, as opposed to the fanon man-shapedr 14-year-old girl version from Tumblr or AO3. Dean doesn’t have time (or inclination) to sit down and make a mixed tape from scratch at this time in the show, especially when, you know, good luck finding a working tape recorder / cassette player / boom box that still works these days. The MOL bunker was frozen in time just a touch before tape cassettes were invented, so I doubt they have one hanging around the place. So, he went and bought something he could make a tape for Cass with? Really? I’m thinking not.

The most likely scenario for Dean giving Castiel a mixed tape? They are in the impala, maybe Sam is there sitting shotgun, maybe he isn’t. Cass starts talking about how he found merit in music Sam liked, or just some random music, and Dean says, "Come on Cass! That music is crap! Here, listen to this. This is the good stuff!" Then he rummages in his box of tapes one-handed, while driving, and tosses one to Cass. "Keep that one. I have a others," Dean adds. Then Cass says, "I’ll treasure it always, Dean!" No I’m kidding. Cass says, "Okay, Dean." He may or may not intend to actually listen to it at some point. After he finds a tape deck, of course.

So, does the mixed tape mean nothing? No, it’s still a nice gesture to give something you made to someone you care about. Do I think Dean put a lot of soecific thought into it, just for Cass? No. I think it’s actually similar to Sam letting Cass hang out in his room (presumable on his bed) watching Netflix on his TV, doing something nice for a friend and sharing media.

CASTIEL:

Even if Dean had sat sobbing over his mix for hours while he painstakingly crafted it just for Cass, it still wouldn’t equal Destiel. Why? Because Cass clearly didn’t appreciate it since he simply used it as an excuse to enter Dean's room and steal from him. Even if it was intended as an act of love, it was used as a tool for deception and betrayal. Thus, this does not support Destiel, rather it makes a case against it from Cass' POV.

THE WRITER INTENTIONS

Obviously, I can’t speak to these personally, but my thoughts on their possible thought process behind the mixed tape. First, they needed Cass to return something to Dean so he can get into his room, and it has to be something that was given as a nice gesture to heighten the betrayal. A tape makes sense because it’s not something so huge that it would be automatically given a ton of significance, but it also isn’t totally insignificant either. Second, Dean has a lot of tapes and he loves music, it’s very possible for him to give one to Cass off screen without the audience getting sidetracked and wondering why (how is he going to play it BTW? Go sit alone in one of the cars he’s stolen?). Third, do I think the writers were also throwing destiellers a bone? Probably, but throwing fans a bone does not equal queerbaiting because nothing else in Dean and Cass' relationship points to romance (and Dean is not into guys or Supernatural Beings). Throwing fans a small bone also doesn’t meant it’s leading to a romantic endgame. They do it with Wincest all the time, after all.

Overall, to me the purpose of the mixtape was to show Cass throwing something Dean gave him back in his face, so he could go behind his back for supernatural purposes. Again. If someone wants to read the tape as a romantic gift from Dean (it isn’t), that actually only makes what Cass uses it for worse. Thus, the tape does not support Dean and Cass romance.

And because I have to, this is a mixed tape (CD) with clear intent.

#supernatural #anti destiel #dean winchester #castiel critical #brief Smallville nod #Zepplin tape #my thoughts #SPN Meta #fandom wank

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albafan11 · 4 months

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Making friends on Tumblr is my absolute favorite thing. One of my most beloved friends I made on here is someone I admired and was intimidated by for months before I saw that they wrote books. I wrote them random asks like 'where would you rather live? In an apartment above a bookstore in the city or in a cabin in the countryside'. Then I worked up the courage to ask if I could read any of their books, and they sent me a link to their Google docks. I read that book in 14 hours. I stayed up all night reading it. After a few hours, maybe, I got so tired that I just started live reacting to the book in their dms. And now I've seen their tits and they've seen mine. We are straight up crushing on each other! It's been what? A year? Two maybe???

Another of my dearest friends on here I made by following one big ish blog. They were friends with this amazing artist on here and reblogged a bunch of his art. I saw that art and thought it was amazing so I started following the guy. Then he posted his kofi link so ppl could commission doodles from him and I thought fuck yeah and sent him some money. I forgot to put in my tumblr name however and it instead used the last name I had used on kofi instead by auto filling. So he had no idea who wanted a doodle and he had to make a post like 'hey who's fookof and what do ya want me to draw for ya' so I had to dm him. Yada Yada Yada now we're real good friends. I mean we have each other's addresses and stuff lol.

And then there's my friend I made over ao3 by commenting on their post all the time. I saw they made a tumblr, and I immediately reached out to say hey and who I was on ao3 lmao.

I also made a friend only talking about this one character from an interactive fiction game called The Passenger (Jonny, my beloved). We talk about other things now, but that's how it started!

Another friend I made by watching the livestream of a big blog I follow. They streamed over YouTube, and the link they shared was accidentally the link to join the stream instead of just watching it. Anyways he suddenly popped up, and I thought he had a lovely smile. He shared his tumblr name and I went and followed him immediately. I then wrote him an ask that said something along the line of 'You have a lovely smile, it's so contagious 😊 ' and he shared his twitch account! I watched a ton of his streams and talking with him in the comments, I fell asleep listening to his voice! It was lovely. And then we joked about giving out our addresses so he could send me girl scout cookies and I could send him danish candy. And then we did!! It was great!

Another very, very dear friend of mine that I love AND HAVE ACTUALLY MET! TWICE! (Although first time doesn't really count since we weren't friends there.) We met irl first through a school program thing where I visited his country with my class. We exchanged tumblrs, and I followed him and then did not interact for like 3 years lol before, I finally reached out to apologize for something I did when we met. And then we started talking more! And now he's my absolute best internet friend!! We made ocs together and have so many au's lol. I think about our characters all the time, they're my blorbos, haha.

Idk what I wanted to say with this post. I just wanted to talk about my beloved friends. I love making friends over tumblr y'all are amazing.

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our-transgender-experiences · 13 days

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Hello everybody! (CW: LGBTQ-phobia is mentioned)

I only wanted to know whether I'm real transgender or transTRENDER... Let me explain now. Sorry for being so long, but it's my most honest confession.

I was a stupid boy ("girl") till I was 8 and never realized I was not cishet 'cause my parents "censored" everything connected to LGBTQ+ and "unobtrusively" convinced me that I was a straight girl (tbh, politics and sex were also forbidden topics in our house; interestingly enough, my family ain't religious, all of them are atheists). I didn't even have a thought that a boy could like boys and "a woman may want to be called a man." I gave no thought that I might not be what my parents want me to be: a straight girl who loves her husband and has children.

I only learned the word "lesbian" when my aunt accidently said it (I was 8 y. o.), and after I asked my dad the meaning of this word. He got absolutely furious and only said, quoting, "These are mentally ill girls who need to be rap... ahem, who need to have s*x with men." So, like, you know now how it was in my family.

I "had" a "crush" on my best friend when I was 9-10. It was totally made up by me because EVERYONE (our parents, friends, classmates, and even teachers) would ship us, not even listening to our "no." My dad was absolutely happy that I "have found a future husband, like every normal girl," and I just felt disconnected from this. Not only with the "found a future husband" part but also with "every normal girl" part, too. Nonetheless, I suppressed every thought like this.

I only got internet access when I was 10-11 y.o. I was getting into puberty and hated my chest: I couldn't find a reason to explain this to my parents, who knew about me disliking my growing breasts. Subconsciously, I wanted to be like my the most favorite guitarist (he's a man) from the band of my childhood. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like him. But I quickly thought it was because of my chest and was actually right.

The first time I saw the word "transgender" was when I turned 12. I learned about the pronouns and felt a strong connection to she/they and he/they set. I tried using "he/they," but I stopped in a day due to the simple fact that it felt unusual. I immediately banned myself from thinking of this, putting a limit: I can only be an ally. The problem was that I never had any strong position because my parents were constantly brainwashing me. So, I have seen some posts about radical feminism... and sooner became a TERF.

Honestly, radical feminism helped to accept my aroaceness, but it's the only good thing it has done to me. I started hating men simply because they were men, and I also started wishing death on all trans people for "supporting gender stereotypes." I had no reason for this: I was just brainwashed by TERFs when I was 13. I didn't support the whole feminism: I only hated trans people because... why? (P. S. I still hate myself for this period of life) TERFs forced me to think I am proud to be a girl, even though I MYSELF (!) never believed in it. Also, it is worth saying that being radfem was actually quite popular (if I can say it) in my country in 2020-2021 / 2022 (maybe it's still popular now, idk), so many girls were (or are) into that.

Deep down, when I looked through the photos of my favorite guitarist and thought he was handsome... and I felt jealous since I'm not like him, but I quickly restricted myself from thinking of this. I didn't know it was gender envy.

When I was turning 14, my ex-friend helped me to realize I had masculine features. And then I realized I was a guy with he/they pronouns (I go by he/him now). And I felt... relieved? It’s as if my life has acquired colors that weren’t there before this moment. I had no idea what my name was... My deadname always seemed to me so usual, but not mine, and my inner boy was almost killed with TERF's f*cking ideology. I googled some boy names and... I found an amazing one, which was the best for me (even if it wasn't typical for my country).

I went to the psychologist (who turned out to be an impostor and did not have a diploma). She said I was the girliest girl she had ever seen, and I'm faking it.

I have changed SO many labels, trying to find the most suitable one, but now I just label myself transgender man and don't give a damn. I have two names now: the one I have chosen when I was 14 and the most recent one when I realized nobody's gonna call me by my first chosen name. Both feel nice for me, and I'm even thinking of getting the other two (I'm fascinated by Janick, Dariusz, and Friedrich, honestly, but I believe 5 names will be too much for me). The guitarist I adore is still my gender envy. 🤣

I WANT to look like a man and transition... but I always think I'm not trans enough. I nearly killed my real self, letting my parents and TERFs decide who I am. What if I'm not trans and just faking it? What if the internet has brainwashed me, and I'm not real trans? I don't wanna be a "typical masculine man" or a "typical feminine woman," I wanna be myself. And my real me is dead. What if I'm just a gendervoid and can turn into everything: girl, boy, nonbinary, bigender, etc? What if I have lost in my dreams and I'm a girl? What if I'm just a transtrender?

Sorry for being so long. Thanks for reading. Sorry for taking your time.

you are 'trans enough', and even if you decide your not later, thats fine. you can be whoever you want, forever. i'm happy that you figured it out, despite terfs and parents.

also, you dont need to apologise for sending something, its what this blog is for!

#transgender

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frozenhi-chews · 3 months

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Thinking about the fact I have always self shipped and self inserted myself into the stories and worlds of things I have enjoyed. I have pretty much always been a self shipper since I was 3 or 4. And like, why wouldn't you insert yourself into the stories and make friends with the characters you love? I thought everyone did that. I inserted myself into Pokemon, Portal 2, a silly game called Castaway 2 Spore, and a few others even before I was a teen. When I say Wheatley is my oldest F/O, I mean it. I had such a big crush on him when I was nine and its still here AUGH!!

It's kinda hard to not self insert myself into stories? Like, even if I didn't have a crush on anyone, I would still do it. Cuz again, who wouldn't?

I used to have a crush on Ink Sans, and he was my biggest crush for YEARS. (Imagine that, another UT-related character XD) I could probably look around in DMS, but if I had my notebooks of my old self ship art of him, i would share it. In fact, he's the first character i actively drew self ship art with. I was around 13-14 years old, Undertale had come out and the internet was going nuts about it (and sans), and i really liked Ink PFFT. I also was just starting to draw more around this time, and i literally had that "OH I CAN DRAW ANYTHING" moment. And so, without shame, but a LOT of flustering, I had drawn myself with Ink a LOT. Developing stories, even making a fankid at one point (Rip Kenzie, you will be missed). So even tho he isnt on my list anymore and i kinda outgrew him, he's still a comfort in being the first F/O i drew stiff with. Also i was a budding artist, having an artist F/O was amazing!!

Funny how he kinda disappeared, but Springs stayed. Probably to make room for the conman and cowboy pfft

So yeah, thats my self shipping origin story!!

#self ship stuff #the cake doth speak

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rootingfordorks · 28 days

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thanks for the tag, @beckstraordinary and @probablynottola !!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Seven

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

42,769 (novella range, maybe? also, most of that is The Year of the Crush)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, just Ted Lasso!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Year of the Crush

On an Island in the Sun

Never Look Back and Say / Could Have Been Me

Not a Friend Zone (shout-out to my Rebecca/Keeley shippers!)

Hearth & Home

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to. The last handful of months have been stressful and I haven't been responding much. Or posting much. :(

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I haven't published any fics with an angsty ending. Angst in the middle, with a happy ending, is my preferred formula for comfort reads/writes. And fanfic is about comfort for me right now.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I haven't finished the Year of the Crush yet, but its ending is going to be very happy. Though they're all happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! The TL fandom is the best.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. So far I've posted one m/m smut fic, but I will add f/f to that repertoire in the next six months. (And post more m/m that I've written. And there's a possibility of a threesome.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not so's I know about it. (BTW, this is me giving blanket permission to translate my fics on here or AO3 as long as you credit me by linking to AO3. I'd love to see it if you do!)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'm bi and have ADHD, so I don't like to make decisions and have a poor memory. I'm into Ted/Trent in a way I haven't been into a pairing in years. My favorite canon ship of all time is Eleanor/Chidi from The Good Place. (And I was into Drarry for such a long time it would win if this was by minutes or words read, but I don't fuck with jkr anymore even in fandom.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I plotted out a Ted Lasso mystery AU, and wrote about a scene of it, and probably won't do anything else with it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at writing dialogue. I know I can capture growing fondness through a character's narration (or close 3rd person).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't describe places or people's appearances enough. And I'm not sure how much to bring those elements in throughout a piece of writing. (My imagination is only semi-visual, and I think conversationally in words; this is a big part of 16 and 17.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Haven't done it. Well, I have a faint memory of there being a notebook somewhere with a character speaking Italian... Mostly, I think it has to make sense for that character to know and be speaking the language. I'd do it in the right context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wrote for - Harry Potter (see above; this writing will never see the Internet)

Published/shared - Ted Lasso

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Not a Friend Zone - Keeley musters up her courage, gets serious, and tells Rebecca she fancies her.

tagging: @trentcrimminallybeautiful ... @calicomarie11 ... @tinylilemrys ... and anyone else who wants to! (I've been at a conference and have no idea who's done this already.)

#tag game #questions

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phosphoruskim · 10 months

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25. Topic that brings the most rancid discourse

9 and 10 - Worst part of fanon, worst part of canon

3 - Worst take youve seen. I dont need a screenshot, thats probably mean.

14 - What do you see in fanfic all the time?

22 - Fave part of canon that people ignore?

17 - what do you want to see more of

25. Topic that brings the most Rancid Discourse:

Honestly I'm not sure if it's 'topic' so much as like. Proximity. Which is a really heart wrenching thing to type.

(MASSIVE HEADER, I'VE BEEN IN FANDOMS BESIDES SHE RA, THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO THE MANY COOL SHE RA SERVERS I'M IN)

The most fun discord servers I've been in have had lots of different kinds of people. Really fun friendly types who were welcoming sure, but also snarky people or shy ones or others who were a little neurotic and rarely talked (me).

That leads to lots of different conversations and lots of different ideas which I think is a lot of fun for a fandom to have. But in retrospect it feels a little like there was this. Seemingly inevitable march towards division. Like small cracks keep forming as every one branches out. The internet as a whole has become pretty... discourse filled.

that doesn't exactly answer the question since the real Most Rancid Topic is like, problematicness or something. But I think division between friends in fandom hurts the most. I've started to come to the opinion that having a discord server in a fandom is like, a garden, and if you want an excellent community it probably takes some great amount of conscious effort and planning, but I'm not an expert in that

9 & 10. Worst Part of Fanon:

This isn't the 'worst' or anything but something I love about the show is how messy every one's feelings are. Glimmer and Catra practically kiss on screen (in my heart). Adora crushes on like half the girls she sees, Perfuma and Bow go on a date, Entrapta says 'its a date!' super casually. Catra blushes at scorpia etc etc

It's really fun to see the whole cast getting criss crossed in modern au's, but a lot of fanon just has them all destined for their endgame pairings from the start and I'd love to see some genuine glitra or glimmadora or scortrapta that's more than just the initial plot for something else.

Worst Part of Canon:

The worst part of canon is probably either like... Scorpia getting almost no resolution or Glimmer's season 4 plot line pretty much stopping dead in its tracks.

My real curveball opinion is that Spinerella and Netossa got WAY too much screentime in season 5!

They were pretty much entirely absent the first 4 seasons (even when glimmer was suddenly struggling with being queen.) So it was really surprising. Now, I of course loved their scenes. Extremely cute and gay, I absolutely see why they were included. But I feel there was so much to do and so little time setting up an entire arc that didn't necessarily have to be there.

14. What do I see in fanfic all the time:

(just a quick note that I've read lots of fics from really cool people I know on discord or have never met! She Ra fandom has GREAT fanfic. This isn't targeted at any one and if you're seeing this it's not about your fic!!)

TENSION AND BUILD UP FALLS APART CONSTANTLY!! for me I'm a fight scene writer and I think everyone can benefit from giving these serious attempts. When you write 3000 words of straight combat, you're forced to learn the push and pull and management of the stakes. The characters can't just yell loudly and keep going higher and higher, you need dips and crests and variety

Most fanfics don't have fight scenes (in this fandom anyways), but many have scenarios with the *pacing* of a fight scene. I consider arguments, sex, and reveals to be types of fights. They're great, but using only dialogue or straightforward descriptions will get cumbersome very quickly.

Fights teach you to pace out steps, descriptive variety, build up, all sorts of things!

Unfortunately a lot of she ra fics don't have a 'fight scene' (read: [big] argument, sex, or reveals) until late in the story. I think this causes a lot of authors to fumble their build up, moving too quickly and not lingering for dramatic effect. That's why it's important to practice 'fight scenes' so that you'll be ready for the climactic finish!

22. Fave Part of Canon that people Ignore?

CHIPPED CATRA CHIPPED CATRA CHIPPED CATRA

she rewrote my entire brain and is my discord icon and I think about her constantly but there's like a few dozen fics that have chipped catra which is heart b

17. What do you want to see more of?

mostly just wild totally out there ideas. In the course of writing this I imagined a Speed Dating AU where it's the entire cast dating each other and then being like 'hey you're cool can we-' 'TIME ALRIGHT EVERY ONE SHUFFLE' 'wAIT I WASNT FINISHED YET'.

I also want to see more of myself writing. The last several months have been nails on chalkboard!!

AND TIME.

I strayed a little bit from the questions and didnt add all the detail I wanted to but it's super late for me lmao so calling it there. Thanks for the ask and also Tipsy I will get to your other ask (the tops/bottoms headcanons one >:3c) tomorrow

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aondaneedles · 11 months

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Sims Tag

I was tagged by @andrevasims. Thank you!

1. What’s your favourite sims death?

Well, I do like for my Sims to grow old, so Hula zombie death of old age. Although I have a soft spot for drowning (not so much for the ghosts, though).

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Maxis Match! Although I'm slowly moving away from Super Maxis Match to a more grungy Maxis Match aesthetic.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

Nah, they'll have to work it off on their own.

4. Do you use move objects?

All the frigging time. It's an essential cheat for me.

5. Favorite mod?

Uuuum... all of them? I guess I'm pretty fond of ACR/ Romantic Standards for how they overhaul romance in the game.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

Nightlife. And let me tell you, I lived for those fugly outfits!

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

aLIVE as in "We're live!" LIVing doesn't make sense to my non-English brain.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Phew... Probably Galatea? She's just a funky little alien mechanic and I love her!

9. Have you made a simself?

Yeah, when I was a kid. Usually married her to whomever I thought I was crushing on at the moment.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?

Somewhat sloppy-ish, somewhere in the middle betwenn shy and outgoing, lazy, playful and nice.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I like the red. It's so vibrant. Don't like how inconsistent it is throughout the catalogue.

12. Favorite EA hair?

The long wavy basegame hairstyle. Fuzzylongcp it is called.

13. Favorite life stage?

I like all of them, but the adult lifestage just has the most opportunities.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Well, over the past few years I've been slowly inching towards builder, but above all I just want to tell stories. I'm a storyteller at heart.

15. Are you a CC creator?

Yeah! Jobs, Sims, whole neighbourhoods. I'm kind of all over the place.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

Yeah.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)

18. Do you have any sims merch?

I don't think I do.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Nope.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

Well, as I said above, I'm moving towards a more "realistic" or grungy MM style. I've also been using more and more mods over time.

21. What’s your Origin ID?

Don't know it by heart and I frankly don't think I should share it on the internet.

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Too many to count. Currently especially fond of @executables-sims

23. How long have you had a simblr?

I think we're coming up on twelve years now?

24. How do you edit your pictures?

Can't be bothered.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

I'm pretty happy with the game as it is. Maybe an architecture stuff pack which changes build mode a bit?

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

It's hard to limit it to just one, but apart from Nightlife (my first love!) I love Seasons for all that it brings to the game (weather, seasons, gardening, that kitchen...)

I tag @pleasure-aspiration, @katatty, @jawusa, @grimbunnies and @meefalo. Feel free to ignore!

#sims #sims 2 #meme

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watmalik · 11 months

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Oversharing on the internet

Thank you @ambiguouspenny for the tag!! <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Ohhh yes. My first name is literally the female version of my dad and brother’s name… Patricio/Patrick. My middle name is after my Abuela (dad’s side) bc she died a couple of months before I was born.

2. When was the last time you cried?

HA! I’m actually proud of this one *clears throat* ever since the 911 Lone Star finale...for now.

3. Do you have kids?

I’m 22 almost 23, so my only child has four legs and lives in my apt rent free. I’m also undecided about having them in general (bio or adopted)? I have a autoimmune disease that makes it harder for me to have them and I also had surgery when I was 14… lets say I have 1/3 of my left ovary chopped off bc of a random health issue I had as a kid and now I have a faint smiley face on my bikini line :) talk about oversharing.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

*Takes sunglasses off* Babes, I invented sarcasm. It’s the fourth language I’m fluent in… its a culture thing.

5. What sports have you played/do you play?

Fútbol and futsal. Loved them. Stopped when I got into college but I still participated in intramural games in my sorority/club. I also played basketball in middle school for a bit, but ultimately gave it up bc there wasn't really a girl’s team in my school.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their personality so I don't make them angry on purpose. I’m a notorious people pleaser, and I hate confrontation when it comes to myself, so I need you to like me…. LIKE ME

7. What's your eye colour?

I have dark, brown cow eyes

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies bc I cry when movies have happy endings and I don't like tearing up at the movies. Emotions? me? pfttt

9. Any special talents?

I can meow like an actual cat, and put my feet at the back of my head, you know the usual.

10. Where were you born?

El Caribe 😎

11. What are your hobbies?

Singing, drawing, playing the ukulele

12: Do you have any pets?

My 3 year old cat, harry :)

13. How tall are you?

I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt, inches tall.

14. Favourite subject in school?

P.E and Maths. Mind you, I hate Maths with a great passion, but I was in group B (When you reached the 6th grade, they will separate the two form groups of your year group, in my school there was two class groups per year, and they will separate students in A and B group depending on how well you were doing in that specific subject). B group was always the funniest class to be in. I was usually an A group type of student but I always made sure I was in B group for at least a few of my classes and in Maths? It was inevitable.

Anyways, I sat in the middle of the most chaotic pair of people, this dude (a twin) who had a crush on me at the time and this volleyball player who I once had a fall out with. For context, back home I went to a small British school, pre-k––12th grade, and from the 6th grade until I left on 10th grade, I always sat with them bc I will always LAUGH MY ASS OFF every damn class period. Our teacher was this 24 year old guy from Scotland and he was fine with us being together because we got good grades and did the work. I like looking back at this because, we weren't friends, we didn't hang out or talked after class much, but we always sat together because it brought us joy.

Oddly enough I will always miss the poorly drawn dicks at the last page of my maths notebook, the stupid jokes, and the dumb noises they will make on purpose 😂

15. Dream job

To be an immigration lawyer and help other minorities. I just graduated from college, so I’m taking a much needed year off and then law school here I come!

And my “You probs already did this, and def don't do it again if you have, but I’m still tagging you because its 2am” tag goes to: @noxsoulmate @itsneonbright @tailoredshirt @anchor-bird-94 @taralaurel @tylerkennedys @catanisspicy and anyone else who wants to do this :)

#tag game #oh look at the time its 2AM #AGAIN #Im doing these test with my endocrinologist to see if I can sleep like a normal person #HA #so if I seem super chaotic or a hyper child apologies #I haven’t slept properly the past THREE DAYD #Im playing fetch with harry... again #he thinks its funny #😭

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oivsyo · 1 year

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Why I’m still creating for Narutoverse?

The thing is, thanks to one particular thread on Twi, I’ve figured out that I only watched Shippuden until episode 54 in my teenagehood. Now I have watched it selectively up to the end ofc, but I think this fact is the reason why I didn't give up on Naruto and it still inspires me. I grew up during the best years of Naruto and skipped the downfall of the story, so I mostly have positive memories about the story and characters.

It all started when I was 14? (now I don't remember exactly), and my friends brought me anime titled Naruto on a flash drive, because then I didn't have the Internet yet. They said 'try this, you may like it'

OG and the beginning of Shippuden were very good. VERY GOOD.

OG is generally my favorite part of the story, the characters shone in all their glory and developed very logically. It's no surprise that these characters have made so many people fall in love with them. Also in OG, the tone of the story was completely different. The world was more cruel and gloomy, more realistic. In the first OG arc, there are two ambiguous antagonists who die dramatically in the end. The fights were about taijutsu, weapon and strategy - exactly what you would expect from a ninja story. Yes, even in OG there are many inconsistencies and plot holes, but this story IS fascinating. The Chunin exam arc is still one of my favorite arcs of all Naruto.

The space on the flash drive on which the episodes were brought to me was very small, and I couldn’t watch many episodes in a row. So I have watched many of them over and over again. I remember that before the start of the summer holidays, my friend brought me episodes with Neji VS Kidomaru. I've been tormented for 3 months about not knowing if Neji would survive. With the beginning of the new school year, my friend brought me new series with a sequel, and it turned out to be Shippuden right away.

Shippuden started very cheerfully and confidently. Euphoria that I experienced bc my favorite characters returned was beyond any words. Characters matured, their designs changed.

Sakura immediately became my goddess because the growth of her character was very much felt compared to all the others. From a useless and annoying crybaby, she became strong, strong-willed, skilled, she became a real kunoichi. I’m sad that her development and training were not shown properly, but even so the impression was very good. It's not an exaggeration to say that Sakura from early Shippuden, was a role model that I wanted to look up to as a teenager.

In the first arc team Gai was shown. Neji’s redesign won my young heart, probably it‘s Neji to blame that I’ve developed a crush for long haired men. Even though his interactions with Hinata were not shown in the beginning, it felt like he had changed a lot and softened up towards everyone.

I also really liked Hinata's design, but I remember at that moment I thought - ‘ how could she grow such long hair in such a short period of time? Apparently the Hyuga clan has some special recipes for hair care’. That was one of the reasons why in my AU I decided to make the timeskip longer - 4years instead of 2,5.

I really wanted to see how the grown-up Neji and the more self-confident Hinata interact with each other. I was sure that it would be an arc dedicated to the Hyuga clan and how the two of them, with the help of Naruto ofc, change the clan. Unfortunately, my aspirations were not destined to come true.

Ep 41 where Naruto loses control and hurts Sakura - is a chef's kiss. The fox feels like an absolute evil with which such a sunny and good person like Naruto has to deal with. Aand ofc Naruto wa supposed to loose control bc this evil is too much for him. Naruto being possessed by the demon and hurting his beloved ones is a theme that I like and I'm very sad that it was wasted.

An intriguing and long-awaited meeting with Sasuke - a moment that is well engraved in my memory as one of the last ones I watched.

Then I abandoned watching Naruto and anime in general for reasons I can’t remember, but probably it was because of graduating from school. Some years later I heard the news that Hinata confessed to Naruto and that Neji died in the manga, but at that time it didn’t make a big impression on me, firstly, I wasn’t already involved that much, secondly, I had a premonition for a long time that if Neji and Hinata are not supposed to be a couple at the end, then one of them will definitely die - most likely Neji, bc MC needs a girlfriend. So when I found out that Neji died protecting Hinata and Naruto, I just thought "NejiHina is canon and now it’s confirmed". But it didn't become a traumatic dramatic experience for me. I also remember everyone hyping that the Naruto manga was over. I even read the last chapter. I felt a slight sadness at the sight of Hinata at Neji's grave and that story that had a strong influence on me when I was a teenager is over. That was it. I again forgot about Naruto for a very long time.

Two years ago, in a rather difficult period of my life, I experienced an irresistible urge to watch Naruto. And I did it. I had a very mixed impression of what I saw.

Perhaps the last arc that I liked was the arc when Asuma was killed. I liked the villains, I liked the drama of Asuma/Kurenai, of InoShikaCho and Shikamaru’s personal growth. It was good.

Then I witnessed the degradation of the plot, the characters - of everything. I don't know what was the reason, but the series just got boring. Previously interesting and deep characters have turned into cardboard mannequins.

The more Shippuden developed, the more villains that “were not villains” appeared. There was no one comparable to Zabuza and Haku or Orochimaru from OG. A breath of fresh air for me was Hidan and Kakuzu, who simply enjoy making a fuss, torturing and killing.

The whole atmosphere of the series has become somehow very sterile and toothless. Naruto as a character became very shallow and at times even annoying for me. Becoming stronger and gaining new powers he at the same time stopped developing as a charater. Probably the only time I liked Naruto in late Shippuden was when Naruto got depressed because of Sasuke in the Land of Iron.

The fights bacame more spectacular, but were no longer as interesting as in the beginning, now everything has turned into “who has a bigger and stronger technique”.

Kaguya as a villain is just nothing. She is just a doll, very powerful, but a doll. Moreover, even such a powerful doll was subsequently weakened for the sake of the plot. In general, this "for the sake of the plot" is what characterizes Shippuden, especially the later episodes. The characters do and say what is necessary for the sake of the plot, because of which they feel like fools or cardboard for me. New characters appear to replace the old ones, which are not developed enough, the final battle of the war, where the villains hatch one from the other almost saying "It was me, Dio!" and “I’m stronger than the previous one!”

For example, I know that a lot of people like Madara, but for me he is almost never remembered, just one of war arc villains. Although I can’t deny that the intrigue about him was built up really well. And i like his design.

Akatsuki, who made an impression of a very serious opponent for the characters in the OG and the beginning of Shippuden, in fact turned out to be just an unorganized group of people who weren't so scary. It’s still not very clear for me why many members of the organization are there at all.

Itachi.... He used to be one of my favorite male characters. But the “the truth is that he is a good guy’ seemed far-fetched to me. Probably because it wasn't planned from the beginning so his previous actions contradict a lot with his intentions. Therefore, none of his good intentions forgive his asshole attitude towards Sasuke in OG. The fact that his "ingenious plan" worked is only due to the fact that it was necessary for the plot. To me, he was a very cool protagonist, but trying to make him an anti-hero only ruined him. However, I still think Itachi looks awesome.

I have not much to say about the events after Shippuden. I watched the Last. By the way, over the past year I have watched it as many times as probably no average fan of TL has watched it (I want to redraw some scenes and need to understand the logic of the original plot very well), and my opinion about the movie has changed - for the worse, unfortunatly.

I watched Boruto a bit, 15 episodes or so and I must say that I even liked it. I’m not joking. The characters are quite interesting. The focus is not on the main character (as it was in the beginning of Naruto). I liked that the academy period was shown. Although sometimes what is happening is absurd and too fanservice, Naruto really lacked this. Because of what, it seemed that 1) the OG characters did not learn anything at the academy 2) they did not communicate with each other there all 6? years of the academy, and only after graduation, becoming genin, they began to interact.

In Boruto I especially liked Chocho, she is a beautiful goddess and I kneel before her. This girl rocks with her awesome self-esteem. I also liked Shikadai.

However, the attitude towards the old characters and the lore of OG and even Shippuden leaves much to be desired there. When I managed to ignore the fact that Boruto is a continuation of the story for more than 500 episodes, then it hass become ok to watch. I think this is the reason for the difference in the perception of the old audience that grew up on OG and Shippuden, and the new fans who watched Boruto first. These are really two different works and it’s very difficult to perceive them together, because in some places they simply contradict each other.

And probably someone will now think - ‘well, since you don’t like everything and you complain so much, why the hell are you staying in this fandom?’ and the answer is actually quite simple - there’re a lot of things in Naruto that I really like and that inspire me. If you want a metaphor, I choose grains from a mountain of husks and this grains inspire me a lot. I have critical thinking and imagination, what’s more important - I don’t know how to love unconditionally and don’t consider this a manifestation of pure love. I see a lot of flaws in Naruto as a story, plot holes, inconsistencies, wasted characters, etc., but I still like Naruto a lot. I prefer to focus not on what I don't like, but on what I like. Such things have a greater weight for me on the scales. And thanks to this approach, I continue to do what I do with great pleasure, it keeps me productive. No, I'm not bothered that 'it’s not like this in THE CANON!!!’(c), NEJI IS DEAD(c), and even more it doesn't bother me that someone thinks about it and that there are some ppl who don’t like my art. I like the concept of multiverses and for me Narutoverse is kinda Minecraft where you can create different stories and events useing bricks that were given in the canon. And I enjoy doing it. That's all.

What is the conclusion of all this? Well, nothing in particular, I just shared my story about Naruto bc I felt like sharing. The only thing, perhaps, if I continued to watch Naruto back then 1) most likely I would be disappointed and quit watching, the series would leave a bad impression on me and I would hardly draw Naruto after so many years 2) I had been more involved in what was happening, then Hinata's confession and Neji's death would have hurt me more, as well as many other fans who left the fandom after these events. And I just don’t take it that seriously. In general I have a rather chilling attitude to the canon, I just want to have fun and nothing else matters to me. Probably because I didn’t watch the entire series in my youth in my vision of the characters based on OG and early Shippuden images of the characters and I use them in my drawings ideas for drawings.

#personal?#i guess

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tenebraevesper · 2 years

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Identity Without A Cause - Forte.EXE (Rockman.EXE, Axess, Stream)

After having given my thoughts on Bass.EXE/Forte.EXE in the MegaMan Battle Network/Rockman.EXE games, I decided to shift my focus to Bass’ anime incarnation. However, Bass’ role in the MegaMan NT Warrior anime can be summed up with this meme:

Yeaaaahh... With a few exceptions, he doesn’t really get to do much in the anime, with the exception of Stream. It’s really disappointing, but I’ll still give my thoughts on that. I’ll only cover the Japanese dub here, so I’ll be also using the Japanese names.

So, let’s plug in!

Forte.EXE appears in 14 episodes total, as well as the movie Rockman.EXE Hikari to Yami no Program (which takes place during Rockman.EXE Stream). His first appearance is in Rockman.EXE/MegaMan NT Warrior Season 2 Episode 32: Internet City (which kicks of the Gospel Arc).

He is spotted by Rockman while absorbing bug fragments with a rather vacant look on his expression, before jumping off the ledge and vanishing, only to have a cameo in Episode 33: Crush the Virus Factory!, being engulfed by a pillar of light. He doesn’t appear again until Episode 48: Cybernetic Monster!, where he confronts the Gospel Virus Beast.

Forte senses a connection between him and Gospel, with Gospel then leaving. When Rockman asks him who he is, he just vanishes without a word.

To note, Forte does not speak in any of these appearances (I’m talking about Japanese dub only) and his screentime per episode amounts to maybe a minute or two at most, and that’s a generous estimation. Despite being relevant to the plot, as explained in the following episodes, he literally does nothing aside from showing up somewhere and disappearing.

We get an explanation about his existence in Episode 49: Gospel, courtesy of Dr. Wily, as well as more focus on him during the episode.

Dr. Wily reveals to the audience, and the Gospel Leader, that he named the Solo NetNavi Forte and that he has a connection to the Gospel Virus Beast. The Gospel Leader sends FreezeMan.EXE after Forte to delete him, as he fears Forte would interfere with Gospel’s plans.

Forte is once again seen absorbing bug fragments when he suddenly gets confronted by Rockman, who questions him who he is and whether he works for Gospel, with Forte remaining silent through the entire episode (I’m not even kidding, he doesn’t even speak until the end of the episode, having only one line).

The two then get attacked by FreezeMan, who knocks Rockman away and impales Forte with icicles. Cue to Forte shattering the ground beneath FreezeMan, who in turn encases Forte in ice.

While FreezeMan gloats, Forte lifts the whole damn building, showing just how powerful he is. While FreezeMan gets distracted by Rockman and HeatMan, Forte disappears, having broken out of his ice prison, then promptly jumpscares Rockman and kidnaps him.

We learn that he has brought Rockman to an abandoned World Three server, where he scans Rockman’s memories, revealing that he is actually PharaoMan’s reincarnation.

About that part... I did some digging and found out that the MegaMan NT Warrior anime started airing before MegaMan Battle Network 3 had been released. By the time the Gospel Arc (which was the adaptation of the MegaMan Battle Network 2 storyline) had concluded, the anime team had decided to press skip on MMBN3 and use the MegaMan Battle Network 4 storyline for its next season, MegaMan NT Warrior Axess/Rockman.EXE Axess.

This is why characters like Dr. Cossak, Mamoru Urakawa and Serenade.EXE, as well as Alpha, never appeared in the anime, why Forte’s backstory is different and why nothing is done with his character since the game his backstory had influenced was never adapted into an anime. Had MMBN3 been released before the anime started, I’m sure Forte would’ve played a bigger role in it.

In any case, Rockman’s friends and the remaining World Three members arrive to save him, with Forte finally uttering his first line in this anime: “I have awakened.” and disappears. Seriously, I wasn’t kidding when I said that he barely does anything, at least until Stream.

We then continue into Episode 50: Forte, where we learn that Forte messing with Rockman’s memories had caused the latter to be infected with a bug. Forte is then seen confronting the rampaging Gospel Virus Beast (giving us the reveal that Gospel had also been formed from the remains of PharaoMan’s data).

He manages to defeat Gospel and starts absorbing its data (wanting its Ultimate Program), but we find out that it is too much for him (as Gospel had been absorbing excess data continuously in the form of other NetNavis) and he is literally torn apart.

Just to note, the Rockman.EXE franchise will later on get even more graphic when it comes to the deaths of NetNavis, with a special mention to ShadeMan’s death by the end of Axess. This part here is nothing in comparison to what Forte goes through in the manga.

Forte appears lastly in Episode 51: Moment of Break-Down!, after Rockman Bug Style defeats Gospel, having taken over the Gospel Leader’s body (who is a robot in this incarnation).

Having returned, he decides to use the Gospel Bot to explore the world of humans and take over it. However, instead getting some insight into Forte’s plans in MegaMan NT Warrior Axess/Rockman.EXE Axess, he doesn’t appear until Episode 41: Allegro.

He has constructed a robot named Allegro, who had been kidnapping NetNavis and making them fight for his own entertainment. He explains how he had observed the world in the Gospel Bot, deeming it worthless and then promptly shuts Allegro down, deeming his antics stupid. Dark Blues asks him to join Nebula due to his grudge against humanity, but Forte tells him to get out and tells Netto and co. he’ll cross paths with them again.

He doesn’t appear until Episode 46: The Great NetPolice Battle!, observing the unfolding chaos and plugging into the network to and deciding to revive ShadeMan.

When ShadeMan questions him why Forte revived him, Forte claims that he sees a future in the Darkloids and disappears, not appearing until Episode 50: Dark VS Dark, silently observing (in the Gospel Bot) ShadeMan’s rampage through the real world. This is followed Episode 51: At the Place Where Light Reaches, where he leaves (probably in disappointment) when ShadeMan gets brutally torn into pieces by the Cross Fused Dr. Regal and LaserMan.

Yeah, this was all of his contribution in Axess. Aside from reviving ShadeMan, there is nothing that can be said and his appearances were once again a minute or two long. At least he had some speaking role, but even that was minimal.

This brings us to Rockman.EXE Stream, where he is actually given something to do, albeit only in the first two episodes, in the movie (which takes place in the middle of Stream) and the last two episodes (aka season finale). Still, despite the fact that he appears only in four episodes + movie (which can be seen as an extended episode), I actually like his role here because he is more proactive than he had been in the previous seasons.

Despite that, don’t get deceived by his appearance in the opening. It may look like he has an important role, but it essentially boils down to only one thing - defeating Slur.EXE, the servant of Duo.

In Episode 01: Duo, Forte observes the Cross Fused Netto and Enzan fighting a virus, only to kidnap Rockman shortly after the battle.

He explains to Rockman how he wasn’t behind the virus attacks, but that there is another danger looming over them and, while he obviously doesn’t care what will happen to humans, he does want to protect the cyberworld since, y’know, he lives in it.

When Rockman questions him about it, Forte replies how he’ll absorb his Ultimate Program so he can have enough power to fight this threat (this threat being an AI named Duo). Rockman refuses to go down easily, resulting in a battle between them (this is technically also their first battle), with Forte easily having the upper hand.

Fortunately for Rockman, Enzan had sent out Blues to find him, but Forte manages to defeat him before Blues appears.

Is it just me or is Forte a lot more threatening in Stream than he was in previous seasons? I guess having him do more than just toss buildings around or absorb data works wonders for his character.

The resolution of the battle is followed up in Episode 02: Earth Erasure, with Forte attempting to absorb Rockman’s Ultimate Program.

He is stopped by Blues, who questions his intentions. Forte then notes that he wants Blues’ Ultimate Program as well (as it turns out, Rockman, Blues and Forte are the only NetNavis who have it).

Blues manages to create a distraction and escape with Rockman, with Forte finding them a few seconds later, easily shattering Blues’ sword and starts to absorb the his Ultimate Program. The weakened Rockman tries to fight Forte off, but it goes as well as you’d expect.

Yeah, fighting a powerful Solo Navi without your Operator won’t do you much good, Rockman. Fortunately, Netto and Enzan had found them, and team up, giving as a Rockman (Soul Unison: Blues Soul) and Blues VS Forte battle.

This is also the episode where Forte starts using attacks from the games, specifically Hell’s Rolling and Air Burst. While the battle was awesome, my only complaint is that it’s short, as Forte logs out once Rockman and Blues attack him with Sonic Boom.

He does appear again in the Gospel Bot, entering SciLabs and plugging in.

Once he’s inside the network, he uses the satellite connection Rockman and Blues were supposed to use to travel to Duo in order to fight the latter. However, another NetNavi is sent from Duo’s comet, clashing with Forte, the feedback frying the Gospel Bot and rendering Forte’s only form of transport in the real world useless (not that he is going to need it).

After Slur introduces herself as the servant of Duo, Forte attacks her, declaring how he’ll defeat Duo and take his power.

Honestly, I friggin’ love Forte’s depiction in Stream. He gets to say and do interesting things and his battle with Slur is pretty epic.

We also get to see him use Earth Breaker, Dark Arm Blade and Darkness Overload, the latter seemingly taking Slur out.

Except it didn’t...

Yeah, Slur manages to wrap him up with the cables, then kicks him straight into Hell. *looks down at the script* No, wait, I meant she kicks him into the Undernet, where he remains until the movie. Seriously, what is up with this show and writing Forte out of the season until the finale? *shakes head*

Anyways, as noted above, Forte makes an appearance in the Rockman.EXE: Hikari to Yami no Program, which takes place sometime between episodes 22-29 of Stream.

Anyways, we find Forte floating in the Undernet, where he encounters Nebula Grey, and then gets promptly brainwashed. Honestly, he can’t catch a break.

He returns from the Undernet to fight with Rockman (their second battle), who had been sent to destroy the Tadashi Hikari Program to save the world from deletion. We get another epic battle between him and Rockman, but Forte still manages to beat him.

Fortunately, Rockman is saved by Colonel, who fights Forte instead, realizing he has been under someone’s control the whole time.

Honestly, I loved the sword duel between him and Colonel, especially since he manages to keep up with the latter. Fortunately, after Rockman destroys the Tadashi Hikari Program, Forte is freed from his mind control.

A light appears, it being Nebula Grey, with Forte revealing that it was responsible for him going berserk and the trio plugs out.

Forte doesn’t appear until the final confrontation with Nebula Grey, pissed off at Dr. Regal for controlling him. He and Rockman jump into the core, where they get restrained by the cables, which start draining their energy and turn them into slime-like creatures.

In one last attempt to fight back, Rockman offers his Ultimate Program to Forte, so he can use his data to become more powerful and defeat Nebula Grey and save the world. Despite Netto protesting against the plan, Forte gleefully accepts, absorbing Rockman and fusing both of them. However, the result...

Despite being fairly powerful, Forte cannot control Rockman’s Ultimate Program, but unlike his encounter with Gospel, this one has a different, more epic outcome.

I swear, I was grinning like an idiot when I saw Forte Cross Rockman on screen. He then proceeds to kick Nebula Grey and Dr. Regal’s ass in the most awesome way possible.

Yeah, he beheaded Nebula Grey with what appears to be Darkness Overload. BAD. ASS!!!

Unfortunately for the two, this has put a lot of strain on the body, causing Forte Cross Rockman to pass out. Dr. Regal activates a black hole bomb that sends them back to the Undernet, although, after they separate back, Forte forcibly logs Rockman out, saving his life in the process and going back to the Undernet alone while laughing like a maniac. He had a taste of power of the Ultimate Program, but won’t pursue it, as he knows that he cannot control it.

Forte then reappears in Episode 50: Colonel Barrel.

He is back from the Undernet and ready to beat Slur, with both of them clashing as the episode ends. It is immediately continued in Episode 51: Toward a New Future.

This time, they’re more evenly matched, with Forte actually managing to overpower Slur thanks to the Nebula Grey fragments he had absorbed while he was in the Undernet.

He then reveals that, after defeating Slur, he wants to go to the cyberworld of the space and seek a new kind of power.

Honestly, this makes me instantly think of MegaMan Star Force. I really want to see Forte’s reaction upon running into an EM Being. X3

After clashing further, Slur is quite bruised, with Forte impaling her with his arm.

He gives her a choice: she can live, but is banished to the Undernet, or he’ll delete her. Slur chooses the latter.

“If the Earth continues to exist, we will meet again, Rockman.”

Uh, no, you won’t. Not because Earth had been deleted, but because writers decided to boot you out of the anime. You guys heard me right, this was Forte’s last appearance, as he doesn’t appear in Rockman.EXE Beast and Rockman.EXE Beast+. Admittedly, I can’t say that his farewell was disappointing - in contrary, having him defeat Nebula Grey and Slur was really epic, but unless its a oneshot character, don’t make them promise they’ll meet the protagonist again only to never appear further in the series.

Honestly, Forte.EXE was a character with a lot of potential, but because the writers had no idea what to do with him in Rockman.EXE and Axess, he got shafted, only to get some importance in Stream and Hikari to Yami no Program. I’m sure that more could’ve been done with him (e.g. have him absorb one of the Cybeasts to rival Rockman or have a confrontation with Zero.EXE), as we’re going to see in the manga.

Due to him barely doing much until Stream, this is why I feel that Forte.EXE was handled worse as a character than Bass.EXE in MegaMan Battle Network.

Thankfully, we still have the manga and I absolutely love how Ryo Takamisaki had written him. However, I’ll cover that one another time.

Plug out!

The Ultimate NetNavi (Story Archive)

#Ten's Thoughts #bass.exe #forte.exe #megaman nt warrior #rockman.exe #dr wily #megaman.exe #lan hikari #hikari netto #slur.exe #nebula gray #dr. regal #bass cross megaman #forte cross rockman #rockman.exe axess #rockman.exe stream #The Ultimate NetNavi #duo

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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Uh hello, I'm kinda questioning... so i think I need advice or something,

I think I found a label that kinda fits but I don't know if it's fair to call myself aspec/under the asexual umbrella

But I'm gonna start from the beginning so this will make sense,

Ps: this got long so I'm gonna cut some parts and make some bullet points instead

When I was 8 I chose who to have a crush on

When I was 12 I joined a very gay fandom and shipped gay people (helped me stopped being homophobic)

"But I wasn't gay"

When I was like 13 every day on the bus I was thinking of this one girl

And I was like I can't be gay

And I had a whole list on my brain of why "I wasn't allowed to be gay"

Till a friend of mine came out as bi when we were like 13-14, and I realized that if they're allowed to just be Then There's no invisible wall forbidding me

And I did too, I came out to a few people as bi

When I was 12 I had a crush on a boy, once my friend pretended to like him to see my reaction(cause it was my 1st crush while they had a different one every week) and I had deleted my feelings after a 45 minutes class, but she just told me it was a joke but, I already like, felt nothing?

I've had a couple of crushes over the years, it actually takes me a long time to figure out "Oh hey this might be a crush" and most of my crushes, they were just random people from school, that I've never talked to and I didn't actually wanted to? Like that's my crush ok. End of story, no biggie

I only had a crush on a friend once, and I never told anyone about it. This was like when I was 15, and I recently (im 17 now) found out they have an online gf and I didn't felt any kind of jealously one might expect to feel, I'm happy for them

The thing with my crushes is, fictional characters? I usually love the boys, real people? Usually Girls that look gay

I think what mostly makes me question whether I'm fully bi, is that I related a little too much to Georgia Warr from Loveless by Alice Oseman (for anyone that doesn't know the book is about Georgia figuring out her identity as aroace)

One of my main suspicions is a photo, it was from an actor I really liked a few years ago, he was shirtless and all the comments were like "😍😍🔥🔥🥵🤩hot" and the first time I saw it I was like yeah, but then I saw the same photo a week later and I was like ew why is he shirtless get dressed dude, and I was confused with the same comments I saw and agreed a week ago

Also, some of the fictional characters i love I say I'm in love with them, but I don't actually want to "date" anyone (like my friends do) and 9/10 I ship the characters with someone

And I recently found out what Aceflux is

I would explain it as "on/off sexual attraction" that's how I understand it, at least. I don't know if/how much I'm wrong. I can't find a lot about it online

When I think about it, I'm not sure what I find "hot" sometimes I see someone and I'm like oh hot but not like in a "I wanna sleep with them hot"

I'm 17 and I've never been in a relationship or anything,

And while its sounds cool and all, I'm doing fine single yknow? I'm not actively looking for a relationship like most people seem to be doing

I've been questioning with the Aceflux label for a while now, it just makes sense,

Things I've done/thought in the past make more sense if an "on/off sexuality" is an option

but I feel like a fraud if I do use it and call myself that

Google is like "mostly on the asexual spectrum but sometimes allo"

What if it's a mix? What if I'm more allo than Aceflux? Or actually I'm not even sure anymore?? Idk I think I experience sexual attraction like 10 minutes a week when I see something on the internet that seems fancy

Is there a way to measure it?

Would it be unfair to use that label?

I don't even know anymore

Also, bc I've got double questions how? Romantic people? Demiromantic? How different? Like do people get Romantic feelings instantly?how? what? I don't understand

I'm questioning everything at this point

Only my gender, which I figured out at 15, seems to be safe...for now

#asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #aceflux #demiromantic #aromantic #aroace #arospec #aroacespec #arose

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marrcelos · 1 year

Photo

“hey guys, i’m marcelo valmount and this is the wired autocomplete interview,” he chuckles, a bit nervously, “kind of scared to see what you guys have been looking up.”

autocomplete suggests the most common searches on the internet @nepofminspo

who...

1. who is marcelo valmount?

“i don’t know... who am i?” a pause is taken, as he pretends to think, “a menace to society, i’d say.” he keeps a serious face for half a second, before he bursts out laughing, “i’m marcelo valmount. it’s me! hi.”

2. who is marcelo valmount currently dating?

“wow, you guys are nosey,” the camera crew chuckles, “kidding, um,” he shrugs casually, “as of right now, no one. i’m single.”

3. who is marcelo valmount’s celebrity crush?

“honest to god, the one, the only, lana del rey. i can listen to all of her songs, released, unreleased, whatever, on a repetitive loop. she really speaks to my non existent depressed emo baby girl alter ego who drinks cherry coke and has permanent mascara stains on her cheeks,” he laughs a bit, “i’ve met her a few times too and she’s the coolest person ever. she’s honestly a gift to society – we don’t deserve her.”

4. who does marcelo valmount listen to?

“i’m assuming this means music wise, right?” he raises an eyebrow, throwing away the paper he had peeled off onto the ground. “besides lana del rey, i listen to a bit of everything, but i’m not huge on country, rap, or really mainstream pop... depends on my mood, i would say. i also really like italian music. one of my favorite italian artists is alfa. his music is really good.”

how...

5. how is marcelo valmount?

he finds himself chuckling a bit, “i’m good, thanks for asking. the fact that random people on the internet are somewhat concerned about my mental health is touching. you all get hugs.”

6. how can i meet marcelo valmount?

“i’m... not too sure. i’ve had people close to me tell me i can be hard to get a hold of, but if it helps, i really like checking out new vegan restaurants or cafe’s. if a new vegan location opens up, odds are i’ll be there.”

7. how tall is marcelo valmount?

he hides his face with the board filled with questions, before removing it and shaking his head, “could be taller. i’m 5′8.”

8. how does marcelo valmount know brad mondo?

“i got my hair done by him once!” he giggles at the memory, “yeah, one of my friend’s recommended him a while back. he bleached my hair really light blonde. he did a pretty good job. he’s a funny guy and if i ever decide to dye my hair again, he’s the first person i would call.”

is...

9. is marcelo valmount a natural blonde?

he shakes his head, “i feel the last answer gave it away, but no, i’m not. my natural hair color is brown.”

10. is marcelo valmount from italy?

“yes, and no. i was born in new york, but my mother is fully italian, born and raised. i’m really in touch with my italian roots. i consider myself more italian than anything. italy is my favorite place in the whole wide world.”

11. is marcelo valmount a vegan?

he nods enthusiastically, “i am a vegan, yes! again, feel like my response to a previous question gave this one away, but i’ve been a vegan for... maybe three, four years now? not too sure.”

12. is marcelo valmount gay?

he lets out a laugh, but nods his head, “i don’t like to label myself, but yes, society would label me as gay. yes, i am gay.”

13. is marcelo valmount related to hayden christensen?

he lets out a disappointed sigh, “i get this question a lot, but tragically, unfortunately, sadly? no. we’re not related. i’ve never even met him before. it would be really cool if we were, though.”

14. is marcelo valmount a libra?

“no, i’m not. i’m a sagittarius. i’m not too into the zodiac, but i get asked if i’m a libra a lot. i’m not sure why people think i’m a libra.”

15. is marcelo valmount friends with jeffree star?

he nods, “yeah, i am. not sure why though, considering he’s a bully,” he playfully pokes his tongue out at the camera, “no, but he’s actually really cool. i’ve known him for a while now. anytime i go over and the talk gets too deep he’ll be like ‘marcelo, shut up. you’re a baby!’ and i’m like ‘nah, you’re just old’. we have some idiotic banter going on for sure, but yes, he’s my friend.”

what...

16. what is marcelo valmount’s comfort show?

he smiles softly. “oh, i love this question. i’d say please like me is one of my favorite’s. i’ve seen it about five times already. i can relate to a lot of it, it’s a great coming of age, lgbt show, and i love the australian accents.”

17. what is marcelo valmount’s favorite color?

“it’s a tie between blue or gold, though i’d probably say mostly blue. i really like any shade of blue a lot.”

18. what color are marcelo valmount’s eyes?

“blue, and changes depending on the lighting. sometimes they look grey, other times shooting towards green, but most definitely blue.”

19. what is marcelo valmount’s middle name?

“my middle name is leonardo!”

20. what is marcelo valmount’s favorite dish?

he thinks about this for a while. “i would say vegan eggplant parmesan. i also really like caesar salad.”

21. what is marcelo valmount’s favorite season?

“definitely summer. i’m not a fan of the cold. i definitely struggle with new york’s harsh winter’s.” he admits with a light hearted laugh.

22. what is marcelo valmount doing right now?

“this interview, of course, and enjoying every moment of it.”

23. what is marcelo valmount’s favorite nail polish brand?

“mooncat! it’s honestly incredible. i mean... it doesn’t even look like nail polish, it looks like art. it lasts forever too, longer than when i actually go and get my nails done. my favorite shade from them is millennia. i highly recommend this brand if you’re a nail junkie like me.” he shows his painted, holographic nails to the camera and waves them around, grinning.

24. what languages can marcelo valmount speak?

“english, obviously, italian, and spanish. i’d like to learn portuguese too, but baby steps.”

where...

25. where does marcelo valmount get his rings from?

“usually tous or swarovski. they’re usually custom made so... sorry if you don’t find them anywhere.”

26. where is marcelo valmount’s modeling agency located at?

“there are a couple worldwide, but the one i work for is somewhere on the upper east side. i don’t know the address exactly, though.”

27. where does marcelo valmount eat breakfast?

“i know it’s the most important meal of the day, but i usually don’t eat breakfast,” he runs a hand past his hair, “in the morning, i can’t get myself to eat. especially if it’s really early, i don’t know, it makes me sick. so the answer to this is nowhere! i wait until lunch time. i can’t be bothered to eat at eight in the morning.” he waves a hand dismissively.

does...

28. does marcelo valmount have tattoos?

“i don’t! um,” he shrugs, “not that i haven’t thought about it, i just don’t think i’ve ever liked anything long enough to get it permanently on my skin. on top of that, i’m a real scaredy cat when it comes to needles, so the idea of one repeatedly gracing my skin with ink just terrifies me. i don’t have any tattoos and will probably never get a tattoo, but i like tattoos. especially color ones.”

29. does marcelo valmount have siblings?

he’s quiet for what seems to be an eternity, before he nods, hesitantly. “i do. that’s my only answer. yes.”

30. does marcelo valmount like scary movies?

he shakes his head all too quickly. “definitely not a fan of scary movies. i’ll pass hard on that one. i don’t like purposefully scaring myself.”

31. does marcelo valmount have a pet?

he starts smiling widely, “yes, i do. i have a ragdoll cat who i love with my whole heart. the story of how i got him is quite sad. um,” he scratches his bridge of his nose, “i found him in a garbage can when he was no older than four months. how someone has the heart to put a baby animal in a garbage can is beyond me, but i’m glad i found him. his name is draco meowfoy... i came up with the name after three mimosas, so don’t judge.”

32. does marcelo valmount sing?

“god, no,” he laughs a bit, “i love music, but i can’t hold a tune to save my life.”

33. does marcelo valmount dance?

“yes! i like dancing when i’m out at the club with my friends, or even dancing to a song i find catchy. note that the question is do i dance, not if i’m a good dancer, because i’m definitely not.”

34. does marcelo valmount speak spanish?

“si! i don’t think my spanish is as spot on as my italian, but i definitely understand everything being said, and i can reply back in spanish. yes, i speak spanish.”

35. does marcelo valmount have an android?

“i don’t have an android. i think there’s a misconception that i do because i was on a galaxy commercial when i was like.... nineteen, but no, i don’t have an android.”

36. does marcelo valmount have instagram?

“yes, my username is @marcelo.valmount.”

37. does marcelo valmount have his own clothing line?

he lets out an excited squeal. “it’s a work in progress, but i think i can answer now with certainty... yes! i’ve been working on it for a really long time now and it’s finally being dropped next year in february. it’s called to the moon and mars. mars is my nickname, so i thought i was being clever there. i’m very excited for you guys to see what i’m going to be releasing. i’m honestly so thankful i’m getting the opportunity to do this.”

did...

38. did marcelo valmount break his wrist?

“i didn’t break it, i fractured it last year. it’s fully healed now. it was very painful... wouldn’t like to relive it, honestly.”

39. did marcelo valmount date connor jessup?

“we did not date, no. there’s this idea that we have because we’re both gay and we’re friends, but we never dated.”

40. did marcelo valmount ever graduate high school?

“yes i did. i’m even going to college now. time flies.”

he throws the final cardboard onto the ground. “this was my wired autocomplete interview. probably one of my favorite interviews so far, very random questions,” he chuckles softly, “bye guys!” he waves, the camera officially no longer rolling.

#nepofm.task001 #♡ ∗ * º • ◦ ✧ ⋮ 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 ╱ headcanons .#♡ ∗ * º • ◦ ✧ ⋮ 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 ╱ muse .#♡ ∗ * º • ◦ ✧ ⋮ 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 ╱ career .#this took me longer than i expected #dont stare at the graphic too hard xx thnx sdjkfnvjkdfv

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sys128 · 1 year

Text

The Happy Post

I will warn you: this entire thing is about a half-hour read, which easily some of the longest things I have typed in a while. This was calculated by taking the number of words in the document and dividing by my personal talking speed. This half-hour metric is not going to be very consistent because people do things at their own pace, so sorry to my psychology teacher (Shoutout!), who has to read this whole thing. Good luck grading.

In introduction, one of the most important things in life is to remain positive. This is mainly because of the benefits we can reap from it. The things we do and experience greatly impact on our outlook on life. Here, I have compiled multiple lists on things that are generally positive and my thoughts and experiences that connect with them. This was originally made as a project for my psychology class but I am more than willing to make it a blog post. I guess you could say I thought real positively about my project, huh? Huh? … Sorry...

Five things I am grateful for

Love. Love is a general concept, and multiple ways exist to describe and experience it. The first of which I will mention is family love. Family love is the main sign of a healthy relationship in the household. It has to be genuine love, though, because people in the world take it out of context and then do nasty things with it. That would be the case for any kind of love, actually. That is how we get fake friends. Speaking of friends, that is the second kind of love that I want to mention. Family and friends are perhaps the two most important things someone needs in their lives. It is different with friends, though, because one may need more friends than others. Think about introverts. Even having one single friend will positively affect your life. There was a saying I once heard that having five friends that care a lot about you is more important than having tons and tons of them that don’t care very much about you, even after you pass away. The third and fourth parts of love are the ones I tend to be most curious about, especially in the stage of life I am in right now: romantic and sexual love. I am putting those two together to explain them simultaneously because they often go hand in hand for some people. Around the adolescent years, people begin to truly explore themselves and discover who they truly are and who they want to be with in the future. I am no stranger to this experience. I had to revise my goals often to find the type of people I would rather be with. The biggest thing would have to be the target gender of people. In 2019, I was 14 and started thinking much more about this. At the time, I just went with the flow of what everyone else was doing, which affected my general attitude substantially. I began researching LGBTQ+ issues near the end of the year.

At first, I found it hard to understand why some things were the way they were, especially at 14. I had conformed to what was deemed correct in society for my whole life up to that point. For a while, I was confidently incorrect about the things I was observing, which of course made me look kind of stupid. There are records on the internet of me being quite ignorant about certain things. Of course, as the saying goes, people change. When I was 15, I started to think about my connection to this newfangled "LGBTQ+" thing and started to try out different things. This would also mark a transition point in my life. The first thing I tried was asexuality, the lack of sexual attraction. I quickly found that it didn’t work out for me because I still had some thoughts that clearly stated otherwise, so I retracted that. My first real crush took form in late January of 2021, and to my surprise, it was not a woman like I thought it would be. It was a male-aligned, non-binary person (they would later identify as a demi-boy). When I first noticed this, I thought, "There is no way I am falling for a guy right now," and I tried to obscure these thoughts. But they did not go away, no matter how hard I tried. A relationship would start between them and me the following month. That same day, I started using the "biromantic" label for myself and later "bisexual" to include the sexual side. They helped me on my way to finding the kinds of people I loved. I don’t know what I would do now if it weren't for them. Much more progress was made on the exploration front, and May 31, 2022, would mark the day when I fully came out as gay. Of course, as most first-times go, some instability was involved, and it eventually fell apart. (We eventually made amends and moved on.) A pattern you begin to see as you progress through life is that nothing lasts forever. Everything you know has an end to it at some point. Family members start to die out, friends move away and eventually die or maybe even not enjoy you anymore, and of course, relationships end. The best thing to focus on is not their absence, but the opportunity to spend as much time as you did with those people, making an impact on both sides of life and having more memories of you, good or bad. Love is a strange thing, but I cherish it with every fiber of my being and look forward to what it has in store for me when I become an adult.

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a bandage for a lot of things. There have been countless times in my life when I have had to forgive somebody for something that they did wrong if it benefited both sides in the future. Why is it so important to me? Mainly, it is just because, well, it works! It sometimes takes me a while, but it works! Usually, forgiveness leads to positive outcomes, depending on what sort of situation I was in at the time the bad thing happened. In recent memory, I can recount two days when I had to use forgiveness. About a week ago, there was a basketball game at my school where my current town had to play against the town I grew up in. I found this to be the perfect opportunity to meet up with some people I used to talk to back in elementary and middle school. Before then, I was kind of in a rough spot with them. In middle school, I was greatly affected by my old classmates, to the point where I had mental troubles going into high school, which lingered on until my sophomore year of high school. There were two prominent people involved with it, but I will not give out either of their names out of respect for privacy. The situation was especially bad in 7th grade, where I used to get bullied by them to oblivion. It also made me do things that I would come to regret later on, like the deletion of old social media accounts and my self-isolation from the crowd. At that game, I recounted all of these factors that affected me and found something good in them. These factors jumpstarted my goal to become a better person. I also took note of the age we were all at when everything happened and decided that I should not worry about them anymore. I forgave them. I later logged on to an old account of mine and contacted one of the people that used to pick on me, and we had a truce. That lifted some pressure that I felt for a while, especially since I used to be opposed to the idea of returning to my old hometown. Now, I don’t mind if I ever come back to that place. There was something else that happened that was related to friends recently. There were two friend groups that existed almost separately from each other. They were in this state because of a big fight that had happened the previous year. It was one that hurt everyone in the group. There was betrayal, deceit, humiliation, and snitching. All of that happened over the course of a couple of hours. It had felt sort of like a battlefield, a war between sides. After that whole fiasco, there was over a year of separation. Both sides sat at a standstill, minding their own business.

That was until one day, a member of the other group decided to form a group with both sides of the party in it. Perhaps there was some back-and-forth behind the scenes that led them to ultimately decide to keep things the way they used to be and perhaps even recount the mistakes they made by splitting up. I was, of course, added to this group as well. I quickly realized there was no longer any pressure on either side. Everything seemed to have simmered down. My friend, who used to be on my side post-split, said that everything that happened was caused by the heat of the moment, and actually, most of that tension simmered out sooner than we all had previously thought. At least, that is how I interpreted it. There was one guy in particular from the other side with whom I used to have a bit of beef that we both apologized to each other for, and with that also came forgiveness. Those weren’t the only people I forgave that night. I also noticed that I started to feel guilt for what I said behind those people’s backs. That gave me another lesson: the art of forgiving yourself. It also ties back to some of the past mistakes I made in middle school with the hometown situation. It was also important to forgive myself for those too, but it was okay to still feel some regret. The most important thing to take away is to learn from your mistakes and use that newly learned information to make yourself a better person in the long run. Funny enough, this also ties in to the next thing I am grateful for.

Self-improvement. Self-improvement and self-awareness and things I cherish more than forgiveness, but not as much as love, but it gets kind of close to that spot. I make important lessons for myself based on what happens during that day. Almost every single one of those days has something for me either to review or something new to take away. These lessons usually relate to either my strengths or weaknesses, which I have found many for in each, especially in the past year. I would say that during that timeframe, I have learned more about myself than at any other time in my life. It has also gotten to the point where I find some lessons more important to me than others. One that I have learned recently comes from when I was having relationship issues with my ex-boyfriend (even though they went by they/them pronouns, they were fine with calling it a fully homoromantic relationship), and I was starting to feel really bad without having someone like them to love. This had affected me for about a couple of months, especially during the summer of 2022. However, this did not last for too much longer after the school year started, because the more I felt this, the more I started to notice how other people got over their own breakups. This led to a lesson I have been learning for the past month. It sounds counterintuitive at first, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense: if you want to look for another relationship, stop actively looking for one. Put simply, the reason it does not work as well otherwise is because of desperation. People hate desperation. If you go with the flow and just talk to people, it will eventually happen. The more people you talk to, the more likely it is that you will meet your future soulmate. But I also recognize that it is hard to start. You essentially have to give up to eventually be successful, which doesn't sound right at first. The first time I dated, it started this way too, because I was not actively looking for someone who was not a woman at the time. Things like that just happen! Having this in mind has greatly helped me overcome my feelings of loneliness. And you know what? Not only is that part of self-improvement, but an important component to using that technique is to use another thing I mentioned on the list: forgiveness! See, it all ties together in some way! Having done that, I was able to properly make amends with my ex and move on, this time with a focus more on what I have now—friends, family, and talent—than on what I don’t have.

Eustress. Eustress is a type of stress that falls under the umbrella term "stress." Eustress refers to positive stress, the type of thing that motivates you and even helps you build skills in the thing that you are doing. Distress, on the other hand, is stress that we all don't want to feel but do. It is that type of stress that demotivates you and causes you all sorts of problems if it happens often enough. Stress is something we all experience in some way, shape, or form, so I am also no stranger to it. Actually, believe it or not, stress is the number one thing I still need to work on at the moment. I tend to turn something that is supposed to emit excitement into distress. But when the good eustress moments happen, that is the type of thing that makes me feel good when I am learning something. I also seem to get a little anxious, and sometimes even angry, when I get stuck on something, such as my homework. This could be for any subject, but it seems to happen the most for my physics and my calculus homework. Some may think that I hate calculus, but in truth, I don’t! I think calculus is fascinating! I just hate when I get stuck on it because I want to understand. However, I am immediately jumping to the conclusion that some things are just too hard for me to do at that moment. I also get worried when I get stuck at every segment of something, because that seems to tell me that a bad grade may pop up once the test comes around because I am not understanding something fundamental over an entire unit. Again, it is not that I hate math — in fact, I love math — I just wish I could understand it. Another example of a common time where I struggle to use stress but think I could benefit from it is when I am playing video games. Like every young boy, I love to play video games. I especially find enjoyment in playing rhythm games, usually 4K, if any of you know what that means in rhythm gaming. There are some days where I just struggle to match the score that I got on a map three weeks ago and decide to call it quits for the session. Rage quitting, if you will. Like what my friend said before in regards to forgiveness, this is usually just in the heat of the moment, and I will always return to it some day, usually the next one. After this happens, I eventually find out what I could have done better in that session. Essentially, the thoughts come in, but they come in too late. It would be best to have them appear during the session. Right, so I have the fundamental goal here and the thoughts that I want to think, but I have to think of a method to actually put those thoughts into practice and use it to have a better time while I am doing my homework or playing games. I have found that eustress is something that takes a little while to implement and has to be done in steps. That way, you can find what works well for you and what does not. Ultimately, it leads to better-developed skills more quickly. Despite having a decidedly underdeveloped idea of how to experience more eustress, I am still grateful for having the ability to experience it at all. Maybe the more I practice using it and find calming techniques, I will be able to overcome the challenge of stress.

Intelligence. Because I strive to know lots of things, you could say I have become a bit of a nerd, especially when it comes to technology. In the past couple of years alone, I have taught myself how to use Linux, the Colemak keyboard layout, some programming (enough to collaborate with someone else to create a game in Python), and some stuff about building computers, the last of which started from my fascination with watching my dad do things with computers. Other than that, I have always had a fascination with technology as a whole, as well as math. Math is probably the reason why I was able to get into programming so easily. I think intelligence can tie into knowing what a good life looks like from one's own perspective. It is personalized for the person who has it. I'm sure my life is good, but since I'm still in my teen years, I believe I still have a long way to go before I can live a great and fulfilling life. That will depend on the choices I make when I become an adult. Another cool thing about intelligence is that it does not necessarily have to equate to someone’s general “smart-ness.” I personally believe that someone can still have some form of “intelligence” if they are just an expert in something, even if it’s the most uninteresting, simplest thing that can just be passed off as nothing by everyone else. Everyone is good at something, even if that something is not so useful.

My rankings out of these five qualities to life.

Love

Self-improvement

Intelligence

Eustress

Forgiveness

Acts of Kindness

The second part of this post is to identify two “acts of kindness” that I have done. These were not forced as per project but these just kinda happen naturally. Not to say that they are a bad thing though, assigning someone with the task of doing acts of kindness is a good thing because that gives people a chance to practice things like social skills. Looking back in my week, here are two of the things that fit in the criteria.

Over the past nine months, I have had to help with my mom a whole bunch. This week is no exception. Fun fact, as of submitting this post to Tumblr, my new sister would have been born! Welcome to the world, and Happy 0th Birthday! Anyhow, she has been hitting the age where it hurts more to do some things than before so she has been taking it easy on her bed for a while to make sure both she and the baby were safe. As a result, we had to do a bit more chores around the house. For a while, actually, I barely felt a difference! It felt the same as usual, but my little brother, since he is starting to get a little bit older himself, has definitely seen a bit of an increase in the number of chores he has been asked to do. As you can imagine, he was not very appreciative of that. If it weren’t for the help of the rest of the family, she would have felt a lot more stress too. She has relied a lot of the cooperation of the entire family, and when that happens, it relieves a lot. I can safely assume the effects were positive. She probably couldn’t do much of the chores we had to do with a baby inside of her. And another thing, because of how she is going to the hospital to get the baby out into the world, that also means I get to stay home from school! But that results in a missed holiday party in physics class. Damn it… I guess the more time I have to get other school stuff done, the better, right?

Another family thing that I have been working on this past week, or really these past few months, is improving my relations with my little brother. We have never been the nicest to each other, meaning he talks too much and I get annoyed, and then he gets annoyed. And then I intensely type, and especially play rhythm games, on my uber-cool mechanical keyboard, and then he gets upset and I get upset. I have been doing things that made him laugh a little more often. Like earlier today, I joked that I was going to put a bit of canned macaroni and beef on his head. The goal here was to make him laugh, and it worked well! One thing that strengthens a bond between two people I have found, was laughter, especially if it is with someone much younger than you are. Kids are well known to be super playful and easy to please given the right circumstances. Being playful is a good way to achieve this. As they say, laughter is the best medicine, including for relationships that are not exactly up to par with standards.

Bucket List

Everyone has goals for what they want to achieve in life. For the third part of this post, I list 10 things that I want to achieve before I die.

In my adult life, I want to explore the world more. Ever since the age of about 11, I have always wondered what it would be like to live in a different place. I have especially found lots of interesting differences in cultures and languages of the world and wonder how much difference there really is if I were to have grown up in those places rather than America. The answer depends on the country. Some are similar to the United States whereas others are about as different as fruit is to empty calories. I project that once I become more financially stable, I will save up for various trips to different states and countries. I currently have a few of these places in mind, those of which being Colorado, Canada, Denmark, and Japan.

Another thing I have been wanting to do is document more of my life. I have done so here and there in my tween-age years and some of my teenage life, but I am personally not a fan of the breaks I would take from doing them and stretch them out into oblivion. I think this will be somewhat fixed with my Tumblr blog, which has so far been proven successful because it captures the time spent on my computer and adds a writing element to it. Sure, it is a 2000s-y way to do it, but it gets the job done and I am very appreciative of it.

There has been a goal I have had in my mind in the past five years or so, but have yet to achieve that goal. That is to learn a second language and become fluent in it. During middle school and high school, I immersed myself into a whole ton of different languages, and they were fun to learn for a while, but the problem lies in the fact that I have never been able to make it stick. I get to around the intermediate level at the very best and then forget everything a few months down the line. This has happened before in my attempts of learning Spanish, Danish, and Russian. I was even considering Toki Pona one day, which is a constructed language not evolved via natural means. At the moment, I am studying Japanese, and so far, results are more promising than they are for the time I was learning Danish.

I have learned a lot from my first and currently only romantic relationship. I aim to use the lessons I have learned from those experiences to do a better job for whoever I end up being with in the future. I currently have a couple of guys in mind but I would have to talk to them more before I spill the beans on them. Not really much else to say here because half of this post so far has been about the different kinds of love, and I have wrung that dry.

As for how I want to make a living, there are two options I want to consider when I get the chance to. One of these is to grab a career in computer science, which I would also say is the more “normal” one as far as jobs go. Those types of jobs are in higher demand than ever before and the need for them continues to grow. I have had some self-taught and professionally-taught experience in programming, and have developed some things already, so I am kinda sure that I am off to a good start. The other thing I wanna consider is finding a way to make a semi-passive income. You know, something where the only work you need is to start it off and maintain it by doing a little bit, and then watch as the revenue trickles in. That is what people do with YouTube. They make videos for a living, and they can do it as often as they want, but results may vary.

Be more physically active and healthy. As it stands right now, I am NOT a very active person. I mostly just kinda sit around and do nothing on my PC. I also eat lots of junk… but it all tastes so good!! That is going to change in some way in my adult life but I have not fully developed how I will go about doing that yet. I know the kind of food that I think would be a better choice for me. I have always been kind of scrawny due to the fact that my metabolism is blazingly fast. Because of this, I think it would be a good idea to look more into protein products and eat more eggs and stuff. I could also do some exercising in some way, but I have not decided on if I wanna go to a gym or get myself some equipment at home. I hope this improves me not only physically, but mentally as well. Both areas are equally as important when someone is exercising. There are numerous articles on the positive effects of both.

I eventually want to try to participate in some voluntary community service. That idea was put forth to me when I was selected for possible recruitment of the National Honor Society last year. One of the requirements was to do a bunch of community service, which I personally find to be a strange requirement, so I did not commit to that. But I think I could benefit from doing things like that in other ways.

Mathematics is something that will be trained more after high school, for sure. If I do good enough in my high school calculus class, then some more math afterward in either a college or individual study is likely. I will probably end up using that new knowledge for more programming work. There are certain areas that I wanna study a bit more in my own time, but those are usually more of a fun thing rather than practical. Take googology for example, which plays around with the idea of inconceivably big numbers. It’s like using long words to sound more intelligent but with numbers instead, it’s great!

There are world records I want to set at some point. I also do not know what they will be but having titles like that would be cool. I do technically have one of these records though but it is for something that would only be important to one of the communities I engage with on the internet. For those of you who know, you know!

There is a concept in humanist psychology that I found quite interesting, that of the hierarchy of needs. This relates to each person’s curiosity with themselves and what they need. The more needs they have that are met, the closer to the top of the triangle they are, where they have fulfilled themselves to the fullest. I want to work towards that status. It may be the hardest of them all but I think it can be done.

Making the World a Better Place

And finally, since I am running out of steam, part 4 is going to be a bit shorter, but it is ways I can make the world a better place for people. I did have to think about this one for a while. I don’t think that I will commit to ALL of these in my life, but doing at least one or two should be enough. I don’t wanna do TOO much without focusing on myself. I believe that there should be a balance of care between others and yourself. But I digress…

I will say it again but voluntary community service. I have talked about this already but just in case I need to mention, it is pretty self-explanatory as to why this would be helpful for the world. The more help in these areas, the better off we are, even if one single person is helping out with things like this. It may not be enough sometimes, but it is something.

I think teaching people things has been a thing I have been doing here and there, but I might have already mentioned that a while ago, but that’s okay. The spreading of knowledge is a good way to increase the intelligence of others!

Use the skills I will build up to make a solution to a problem. There are lots of questions that I would like to answer at some point. Good thing that other people are interested in getting these questions answered too. Perhaps I could help out with finding solutions to those problems.

Continue being nice to other people, and improving on that little by little based on the things I learn around me. At this point, I am repeating a lot of things I have said before in this post but if I keep valuing the things I do, I will continue to improve in this area.

Put more work towards achieving the goals of both me and other people that will contribute to the world of those people. This can be with things like projects that require hard work, whether it be for academics, life, or otherwise.

Donate, which can kind of be part of the community service thing. I will have to wait until I am more financially stable to do this though because I am kinda saving money hardcore at the moment.

Express my creativity to inspire other people to make things in the same vein to whatever I have created, which in itself was inspired from people that made similar things before me. I am in the middle of the chain of a bunch of inspiration that took place before me, and will take place after me.

Wow! You have made it to the end of my post! This was kind of a pain in the ass to put on here. Because before this paragraph is a total of 5,428 words, making this the longest post I have ever put on this site. And what, just for a summative project at school that could have just been done with bullet points? Yeah, that was technically all I needed, but I spent all morning and a good chunk of last afternoon writing all of this! Comes to show how much fun I have with these things!

"You love torturing yourself, don't you?" - infinitysnapz, 2022

Until the next time I post, OoooHH!!! Scary RAi!!!!!

#text block #self reflection #positivity

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womanhood2 · 3 months

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Can I ask/what led you to transitioning twice? If you've already answered then feel free to link me so you don't have to type it all out again! Thank you

No problem! I did type up a brief “about me” a few months ago when I started this blog, but I forgot to pin it and I don’t think it went very in-depth about my initial transition so I will go ahead and re-tell it in better depth.

I do want to clarify that my first transition was entirely social, and thus my first “detransition” would be considered desisting and not a formal, medical “detransition”. However, I say that I “detransitioned twice” to clarify that I changed my identity from and back to female on two separate occasions, as I feel like saying “desisted and detransitioned” could lead some people to believe that I simply started identifying as female and stopped hormones only once and at the same time.

But back to my initial transition. As I mentioned it was entirely social and almost entirely online, save for one person I knew in real life (my at-the-time boyfriend). This was 2014-2017 and in the rural American south- transgender was NOT a thing in our mainstream (by 2017 there were occasional mentions of it but it was still rather obscure and certainly not something that happened in middle or elementary schools). Homosexual relationships were barely tolerated. I should mention I was also a closeted lesbian/bisexual- I didn’t know at the time that those two labels were different, but I knew that I liked girls in a much different way than I “liked”(envied and wanted to be friends with) boys. The only reason I had the “boyfriend” that I mentioned earlier was so that I could make friends with more boys, as girls did NOT like me. This was for multiple reasons: 1) I was an undiagnosed autistic. I only “knew” how to talk about arthropods, horses, and anime. The preppy rich girls at the private k-12 school that I earned a scholarship to did not want to talk about any of those 2) as I mentioned before, I was a “scholarship student”(aka someone who did not have much money and was from a family that lived “out in the country”) which meant that I did not go on interesting vacations, have a boat that everyone could hang out on, wear super expensive clothes and makeup, ect and 3) (once everyone found out) I was a lesbian. Girls did not want to be near me once they learned that I had a crush on another girl. I will not go into heavy detail but there was also an incident where multiple girls who were part of a Christian worship group attacked me after school for being a lesbian. (That was not the only time I was attacked at school for not being straight, but the other time was by a boy. That time was more intense and the school got involved and I came within a hair of being outed to my parents.) On top of this, my family was HEAVILY involved in the Baptist church, and thus not open to anyone (let alone their child) being LGBT

So clearly, being openly gay or transgender was NOT an option in my environment if I valued my safety. Also, no child wants to loose the home and family that they love! Even if you are uncomfortable in your body and jealous every day of the boys that you go to school with, you are 12 (or 13 or 14 or 15) and you would still rather have a bed to sleep in at night and food and parents that do not hit you most of the time than nothing. (That is another trend I tend to see with these openly trans children- none of them seem to have parents who would hit or abuse them for “acting out of line”, “associating that with our family”, ect…. Heh, they really don’t know “oppression”.)

So what was I to do in such a hostile environment? Go to the Internet of course! Online forums where I first learned of being transgender and already had transgender friends there- except some of my irl friend already knew my account names, and I couldn’t risk them telling their parents. So I made new accounts on the same sites but with a different name, pronouns, and often a different age. Eventually I told my online friends about my new accounts, but kept them hidden from my irl friends so that my irl friends only knew my first account (where I was a girl) and my online friends interacted with my through my new account (where I was a boy). I firmly believed that I was supposed to be a boy, and thought that when I got away from my parents, I would be able to transition and all my problems would be solved. Every night I would pray to God that he would make me intersex or make my body produce more testosterone somehow, so that I would look and sound more like a boy, since it would be years before I would be able to transition. I would “practice binding” using methods I saw online (such as the “sports bra method”) when my parents were asleep. (TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM) I should mention that I also experienced severe dysphoria involving my genitals, and would self harm them.

I should note that I WAS seeing a therapist at the time but she only diagnosed me with social anxiety (not even autism! Despite me telling her about how every child in my school hated me and I had no friends) and eventually for the abuse that my siblings and I were experiencing from our parents (my stepmom specifically would become violent towards me and later my brother during my middle and early high school years). So why didn’t I tell her about the gender dysphoria and self harm? Simple! We were still in the south, and she was a……. You guessed it! Christian “therapist”. 🫠

Right before high school (I was 15) I went on a field trip where I had to spend a lot of time with the girls in my grade. It made me soooooo dysphoric but I could not tell anyone because of the risk that it posed to my safety if my parents found out. I was terrified and so convinced that all the girls somehow knew that I was actually trans, even though I was still dressing (somewhat) like a girl and using a girls name. I thought that they knew that I knew I was trans, and they hated me for continuing to pretend to be a girl. Being with the boys during the times that I could on that trip made me feel so much better. It relieved me to pretend to be one of them, even if from the shadows. That trip really “cemented” in me that I was actually a boy, so when I got home from the trip I decided that I needed to break the news to my boyfriend (we were not allowed to have our phones for the duration of the trip). I don’t remember the conversation very well, but it went something like this.

Me: Hey, I love you and I need to tell you something

Him: Sure, what is it?

Me: I’m pretty sure I am actually a boy.

Him: No you are not.

Me: I really think I am. None of the girls like me and I don’t act like a girl or enjoy girly things. I am sorry if you don’t love me for this.

Him: I would love you even if you were a boy, but you’re not a boy. I am a boy, so if you were a boy I would know. If you tell everyone that you are a boy, then the boys will try to hurt you. I want don’t want to see you be hurt, especially by my friends. Please don’t tell anyone that you think you’re a boy.

It hurt me to hear from my closest friend that he did not believe I was a boy, and that boys/men would not accept me as one of them. However, this did not change my mind. I knew that we were in high school and this boyfriend would probably break up with me eventually. But I did heed his advice and continued not to tell anyone in real life that I believed I was a transgender boy/man.

As for my first detransition/desisting… It’s kind of hard to explain. I remember it but it was rather insignificant compared to what I’ve heard other people go through. It was maybe a year after I “came out” to the now ex-boyfriend. I was in the hallway in my school. The boys were walking past me and I realized they were taller than me now. I was jealous, so jealous, as my hight dysphoria was probably the most intense (possibly second to the genital dysphoria) dysphoria that I experienced. And then I just… made the realization. I realized that at this point it was too late for testosterone already. If I wanted to have a man’s body, I would have needed the hormones years ago. By the time I would be able to get hormones and be able to transition, it would already be too late. I would never catch up. What was the point of chasing something unattainable?

So I went inactive on my trans accounts. I did give my new discord (where I would be cis) to some of the people who knew me on those accounts but it was only very few, only 2 or 3 of which I still talk to today.

Internally, it was a slow process. It started with just joking about being a girl. Then eventually, one day I went into the women’s restroom and realized I didn’t feel like an imposter! Then the “women in STEM” craze came along and I realized maybe I could feel more like a women with these girls. I learned to love my tiny breasts once they started to develop. I learned that not shaving my facial or body hair (something that I had always HATED being forced to do) did not make me more of a man or less of a woman. I still have dysphoria involving my hips, height, and genitals.

So that was my first transition and desisting. I did not expect it to be so long! As for my second transition and consequent detransition, it is unfortunately darker, and involves sexual abuse, manipulation, and drugs and thus I will be making a second post about it since this one is already quite lengthy and contains some heavy content.

#Detransition #mine #long post #child abuse

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