#I really need to start posting things more on tumblr
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𓆩♡𓆪 ｢better that sleeping pills｣ 𓆩♡𓆪
Hi! Coffee being delusional speaking! This time I was wondering
How did you deal with your sleep problems, dear?
TW: stalking, yandere behavior, delusions, insomniac reader, sleeping pills mention, somewhat willing reader, light paranoia?
Yet again another night dealing with insomnia, being told over and over that you should stop using the phone at night and, instead, pretend to sleep, that eventually dreamland will come to you like that. People that don't know what it is to be alone with thoughts and exasperation. But once again, you try to do so, hoping that maybe this time it would actually help.
tik tok tik tok tik tok
How much time has passed? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? You try to keep your mind on blank but it's impossible at some point.
An unexpected sound catch quickly your interest although you can't really recognize it, trying to dismiss it, thinking must've an hallucination or something outside, in the silence of the night, people tend to be more perspective to any sounds, right?
And just like a bad plot, once your body relaxes, you hear that sound again. . . Unconsciously welcoming the return to old habits, covering more with the blankets and turning around with the eyes still closed, as if that will make a safe shield.
Alright, this isn't your first rodeo, your brain's favorite hobby surely is playing tricks to scare the hell out of you. Taking a deep breath to relax once again, choosing to be delusional to forget everything has to be the best option right now.
What about if the sounds are because a stalker helplessly in love with you just broke into your house? A good night kiss on the forehead sounds lovely, maybe the dark romance or Tumblr posts are affecting your brain already but why care? Cuddling to sleep with someone that loves you unconditionally sounds like a perfect situation, you wouldn't really mind your sleeplessness if you could have that.
Although the normal will be calling the police, why do so if it's not a threat? In your mind, you picture your perfect obsessive s/o, no need to worry about being cheated on if the only thing in his eyes is you, no need to worry about being too much, no need to worry about his feelings ever fading away, isn't that perfect? Yes, it may come with some disadvantages like everything, but nothing you can't handle, you just need to love them, and they will be happy on a daily basis.
As you smile because of your silly fantasies while looking 'asleep' on the outside, you hear an even more unexpected sound. . . a whispering.
“oh, are you having a good sleep? It worries me how long it takes you to sleep every night, it's gonna end up being awful for your health. Maybe it will be better if I start using sleeping pills on you? You always do so much, you need a good rest, my cherry”
You stay still, unable to think what to do, a light but sweet smell invades your nostrils. Does this count as manifestation? Why is he already calling you by a pet name?
“My lovely cherry, my heart ache when I think about how exasperating must feel to hear the constant naging of those who don't really care about at least try empathize, if only I could help with something, I won't think it twice”
Feeling a gentle caress on your hair makes you wonder, this doesn't feel bad at all. Common sense screaming that you need to worry but the warm feeling of his touch disperse that though faster than you're willing to admit.
“Mmm, maybe my desires are taking over my brain already? But I think a perfect medicine for you will be if you snuggle in my embrace, I promise to have the right temperature for you to be comfy all night… if you just let me kiss that addictive face of yours, it will be enough payment for even my soul if you wish to have it”
His voice… sounds familiar, do you know him?
Even if you recognize that self-preservation should be a top priority, it's hard to care when his voice is this honeyed, using the exact words that attract you like a bee as if he can read your mind. As you feel a faint kiss on the top of your head, you start to ask yourself…
Is bad manners not to reply when someone speaks to you, isn't it? Or maybe it's better to keep pretending to sleep to see what he usually does?
Decisions decisions…
➤ keep pretending
Say something
sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣
images from pinterest
#pineapple our oc#Coffee speaking#yandere#random#yandere male#yandere imagines#yandere drabble#yandere oc#oc#male yandere#yandere scenarios#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x you#obsessive love#yandere classmate#otome#yandere x willing reader#stalker#tw stalking#soft yandere#yandere writing#drabble#silly#silly writing
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DR RATIO ANALYSIS PT 3 BUT IT'S JUST GAY
Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you've done part one, and part two, so why do we need a part three?" The answer is because of two things - one. I made a deal with the Tumblr Peoples that if one of my posts hit more than 50 likes I would do this analysis. Two. Mihoyo is making this shit canon. I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. So, let's delve into my usual disclaimer, as we might have some new people joining us for the first time with my insanity.
I have been researching psychology personally for about six years, so although I am not a professional (crawling my way there through the education system. I will be one, one day.) I do have some experience with analyzing homosexuals. Psychology hours, my children. They don't call me "chronically cooking" for nothing. Maybe I should change my url to that...
NOW THAT MY LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, LET'S GET INTO THIS! It's time to deconstruct these homosexuals like a modern airplane, because they might as well be taking off with how canon they are.
"It can't be canon," they say, but then Mihoyo DOES PAID SPONSORSHIPS WITH THESE FUCKERS BEING GAY. We've all seen the paid partnership edit. We've all seen the video where Aventurine has the audio of "nice rack" as he talks to Dr. Ratio. PAID SPONSORSHIPS. Now, if that piece of evidence isn't enough for you - let's dive into their actual relationship, which is just a HOMOSEXUAL MESS. I will be focusing more on how Dr. Ratio sees this guy as this is a Dr. Ratio analysis™, but hey, the crumbs.. we eat 'em all. Amen.
Let's start off (I say as I write this part three days later) about how people are like, 'Aven is Ratio's favourite idiot' WRONG. Ratio does NOT consider Aventurine to be an idiot and knows that he is smart and capable in his own right. While Ratio is book smart, Aven is extremely street smart and holds his own very well. Ratio does not consider Aventurine to be an idiot as he takes off his plaster head around him and actually indulges in his whims around him. This is a blatant showcase of fondness because although he is emotionally constipated and can't be affectionate through words without sounding semi-backhanded because he's never had true affection in his life, he showcases his love through actions rather than words. He's just bad at showing love, okay? But he does love Aven. Or like him, to some extent, if you don't want to see them as romantic, which is fine. However, no matter what you label their bond as, it's obvious that they care for one another.
Also, the fucking ZEST FEST that was 'keeping up with Star Rail'. He says, "wait a minute - MUTUAL?" which indicates that he has respect for Aventurine in the first place. He LITERALLY TOLD US that he respects Aventurine and he was commenting on Aventurine's playstyle & everything.. also, at the end, he was here because 'I appreciate this show's dedication to knowledge' - his TONE. Kudos to the VA because that was not convincing at all. Bro was NOT here for the knowledge, bro was here to be GAY!!! Also his little own bathtub couch. We all know Aven bought it for him. Trust, I am John Hoyoverse.
"The Charming Audacity" HUH? BRO? Okay this is hilarious to me because this is the first time that we ever really see them interact with one another, and we get absolutely bitchslapped in the fact that Dr. Ratio calls this guy's audacity 'charming'. That's GAY. That's HOMOSEXUAL.
Also, comparing him to a peacock.. a very beautiful bird.... Must I say more?
Now, the part that I really want to focus on is the part where he gives the Doctor's Note to Aventurine. This shit is important. And I agree with the people who are like - Acheron helped him. Because she did. She was a big part of it and she helped Aventurine get back on his feet in the void. Dr. Ratio is not his only reason to live, but the note, showing that someone will stay by his side? Showing that someone truly cares for him? Someone who's waiting for him when he get back? This bond that he has with Dr. Ratio isn't fake. He already has a starting point to get back to - an anchor to return to. Dr. Ratio is his anchor. Whenever he goes off to do crazy shit, Veritas Ratio will be there when he returns. Because Ratio is loyal. Ratio cares. He cared enough to almost jeopardize their plan to make sure that Aventurine was going to be okay. He cares so damn much about Aventurine that he decided that this man's emotional state after the fake betrayal was more important than all of fucking Penacony.
If you want an example of "I would let the world burn for you," it's Ratio. He's a romantic not in the traditional sense, but he cares and loves Aventurine so damn much it makes my heart hurt. "Do stay alive," he says, knowing that Aventurine struggles with living. Those three words mean the whole fucking world to someone who struggles with suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Someone wants you to live. Someone wants you to stay. Someone wants you by their side.
Dr. Ratio cares. Let me say that again - he cares. He banters with Aventurine, tries to create an environment where Aventurine can feel a little bit more comfortable with the two of them, even in a place as dangerous as Penacony. He will put his own life on the line for Aventurine.
He cares. He cares so damn much. I hate gay people. They make me VIOLENTLY homophobic.
Dr. Ratio after expressing his care indirectly and complimenting Aventurine indirectly: Did I do it?
Aventurine, who has caught none of the hints:
Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
#aurae analyzes#hsr#aventio#honkai star rail#dr ratio#ratiorine#aventurine#veritas ratio#raturine#golden ratio#aventurine x dr ratio#analysis#character analysis#relationship analysis#these bitches gay#good for them
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Uzi thunk…pls…
"Uzi Doorman those things killed your frikin' mother"
Did you know that Uzi's on the villains wiki? Bc I sure didn't.
Anyway Uzi Doorman hcs under the cut
Main character time lets go, jumping straight into this one:
Uzi will eventually turn into a murder drone (see my post about N for details)
Uzi absolutely refuses to say that she's dating N on principle (this is a lie and she knows it)
Uzi is always really tired, doesn't matter how much sleep she got
Uzi got over killing people waaayy too fast for everyone else's liking
Uzi's slover runs hotter than the dds but she needs to be colder, so she has to drink a LOT of oil
Uzi's tail sometimes gets stuck to things with it's spines
She tries to have a decent relationship with her dad sometimes: but it's hard to get through to him
Uzi wants to be a parent just solely so she can prove to Khan that she would be a better parent than him
Uzi sometimes experiments with her admin rights for N and V while they sleep (she once set their eyes to flash with rainbow colours and had a midnight disco on her own)
Uzi uses the healing powers of the solver to make even more dangerous tools and weapons without the risk of getting hurt
If Uzi ever found Beetlejuice the musical, she would spend days just listening to the soundtrack
Same with a lot of musicals and bands actually
The last time Khan left Uzi alone in the house for more than 12 hours, a large section of the bunker was lit on fire and destroyed
Uzi is oddly supportive of all the weird things N gets up to in the worker colony
V however has been shouted at multiple times for dropping on top of drones from the ceiling
The books Uzi uses to reach her locker are textbooks on doors that her dad wrote
She is the only one in her class that finds it weird that they can't just download the knowledge into their storage like, you know, a robot would
If she could find the spare parts, she would modify herself in any way possible (starting with extendable legs)
Uzi loves any weapon she can get her hands on and is thoroughly disappointed by her lack of claws from the solver
Uzi has a personal vendetta against a pipe that runs through her classroom after it burst and nearly short-circuited her
Uzi would be top of her class if she ever bothered to do the actual work
And if Lizzy didn't always get her dad to lower Uzi's grades
Uzi still hasn't figured out how to bypass her automatic censors, so every time she tries to properly swear she just goes *beep*
Khan fully blames N and V for activating Uzi's solver
Uzi occasionally will sleep hanging upside-down with N if they are caught out by the sun while hunting together
That's about it for this post, there are more but they start going a bit off the wall after here
Currently writing this instead of preparing for my art exam on Monday, 10 hours of lovely silence to enjoy being understimulated as all balls in... yay :(
At least I might get in some more thinking then
#answered#murder drones#n murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#n x uzi#nuzi#biscuitbites#have to get the tags in somehow#hello connor#again#pls request things I need more to posr about#does anyone even read these#sorry normal people
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The Story of Sin [UPDATE 4/27/2024]
Find the demo here.
Link to the main post here.
Hey guys!
Welp, I finished the chapter just in time for this month’s update. 😅 I really liked this chapter, though… Things are starting to not be ok for Sin, mentally, and I always love writing things like that
In this chapter, you…
Pick up that small creature! [And NOT hurt it!! Good job!! 👏]
Hang out with Murmur for a bit and learn a bit more about yourself
Hurt Murmur’s feelings :( [It’s ok, you can apologize!]
Have another strange dream
Upset Will. :( [It’s ok again! You can apologize… Eventually.]
Hang out with Murmur and Anya for a bit.
Some things- I’m slowly changing the look of the whole game. Now that some ✨THEMES✨ are settling in, I’m able to actually make the IF look a little prettier. I have some other art I will be adding later, when something in particular happens in the story, so get ready for that as well! [Also, this is random, but I realize that I’ve never mentioned this… The beautiful hand/forehead model for the SoS banner is my lovely little sister. Just wanted to throw that out there! 😂] I am also introducing a secret stat 👀 I’m not entirely sure how I want it to look on the stat page, so right now it’s just a number that will either go up or down depending on some of your choices. So, until I figure out how I want it to look…… Enjoy just a random number on the stats page. 😂
Also! If you are interested in being a beta-tester/proofreader, please send me a message on tumblr. Or, if you don’t have a tumblr, just send me an email. [email protected] Please only message me if you are serious in beta-testing or being a proofreader. I’m not really picky about how much experience you have, but I do want people who would actively be helping me correct things like grammar, bugs, coding errors, etc. Oh! Also, you will need a discord account to be a beta-tester or proofreader. That’s the only requirement!!
And, since it’s been a hot second and I have a lot more followers now… If you are able to, and like my art/works to the point that you would like extra content, please consider becoming a patron, or buying me a kofi! I know times are tough right now, so it’s totally fine if you can’t donate anything. But even just sharing/liking/commenting/etc. Are other ways you can help support me. But, if you do have a few dollars you can spare a month, I have tiers on patreon ranging from $1-$5- you get extra content that you can request, and early access to updates and whatnot!
One more thing! I was just able to get this month’s update done, but I definitely think May’s update might not happen. 🥺 Midterms are next week, AND I’ll be going on a small vacation to Portland, OR. for about a week at the start of May… So I may not have enough time to put together the update for next month! I’ll let you guys for sure when the time comes, but I just wanted to let you know now in case it ends up happening! Thank you for being patient and understanding. ☺️
See you all next update!
CURRENT WORD COUNT: 45,725 52,969 [+7,244]
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I thought I might start using this graphic for the updates, too! At least until I get bored of it and end up creating another. 🌊 We love eye-catching visuals in this house.
Anyway, sorry for the delay with this update! Last weekend was insane, putting it lightly, and I only really feel like I have started to return to capacity now. I appreciate your patience!
As of 04/27, I have added the following resources (in no particular order) to Sea's Community Compendium for FFXIV Creatives:
LARGE SCALE
XIV TODO — honestly, huge thanks to whoever submitted this resource because I didn't know it existed! This is another set of tools and tailored checklists for XIV that help you track encounters, content completion, dailies and more! It's also extremely alt-friendly for those of us who have more characters than sense.
FREE COMPANY / COMMUNITY FOCUSED
THE VIERAN MAFIA — do you like suave Noir-themed bars framed by mystery and intrigue? How about a bit of organised crime? This Free Company is for you! (They're also hiring, if you're interested. Get in touch with @fjotla-vithir!)
MISC
FFXIV BUFF AND DEBUFF MAKER — if you have ever thought a screenshot of yours would be made funnier by a buff/debuff but you don't have access to photo editing software, @fortunafavore has you covered with this simple tool!
XKIT REWRITTEN — The most up-to-date iteration of the original XKit tool, XKit Rewritten provides a series of enhancement tools for Tumblr's web-based interface including accessibility tools, anti-capitalism bocks and recommendation tweaks.
Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here, send me an ask with the relevant information contained on the Compendium, or join my Discord at SEAFLOOR (21+ only)!
As a reminder, the answer to the question of "Is my resource/community applicable to the Compendium?" is almost always a resounding yes. I want to know what's out there. I want to feature your project!
However, for the sake of clarity, I'll pop the FAQ from this post below in a read more for you to check out if you're worried. ✨
I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?
Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!
I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —
Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.
I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?
Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.
What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?
Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!
How active does a community need to be?
If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.
I have [insert a question not stated here]?
No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#crystal rp#crystal roleplay#｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea's community compendium#ok DONE now i don't feel guilty for letting this lapse#also me: knows full well irl happens#me again: and??? get on with it#SDKJGHSDF
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Prints here 🤍
#good omens fanart#aziraphale#good omens#digital watercolor#I really need to start posting things more on tumblr
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got him off-balance!
#my art#ds9#star trek deep space nine#julian bashir#elim garak#garashir#watercolor#image desc in alt text#i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare#“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT!#look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior#if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !”#cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad#ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole#the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod#AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel#because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it#often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows#i struggled at first to find full body references#they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless
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Hey #GreekMythology tumblr, I want ya’lls help on something :).
So, I’ve been thinking about starting this massive project. Like, would take years and years work of writing and research and sheerly finding the time and motivation for. And as I was thinking about the specifics, I thought: why not bring others into it as well? Because as much as I am interested in a lot of Greek Mythology, there are things that are simply not my interests and might cause writers block and my goal for the project would to be as fun as possible. So, here we are.
What is the project exactly? Well, hopefully, it’ll be a long Ao3 series/fic focusing on the individual perspectives of various figures/events in Greek Mythology arranged in (semi/good enough) chronological order. I personally intend to write for Poseidon in his/my version of the Titanomachy and (maybe) some events that follow, if you want a little bit of an idea on what I’m talking about.
The limits on this are almost completely free, all that I ask are that each of your submissions are one POV only (and by that I mean your main subject’s POV). Why do I say this? I say this because that is what I want this project to look like. It doesn’t matter if it’s First, Second, or Third POV along with all the other variants of those three, my main focus is on the individual experiences of these individuals. Kind of like character studies, if you know what I mean. I’m intending for it to be mostly formal but I will absolutely accept crack admissions that I will probably put into its own series to Separate the Vibes for whoever comes by :).
Ultimately, this is a completely open-ended project that has absolutely no deadline. I’m about to go to bed so I can’t go into too much detail, but if you want to DM me or send any asks, I am completely okay with that and we’ll all flesh out the specifics we go :).
What is my overall purpose? Not only is this project made for my own individual purposes of learning more about the gods and other Greek Mythology writers, but it’s also the chance to spread the word of other writers. I know how hard it is to get specific audiences, especially when you’re shy, so this is a chance for your work to be stumbled upon. Each post on the eventual Ao3 fic will include your socials, how to find you, and your other general works on either ao3, tumblr, wattpad, or other :)
Can you participate even without socials or a tumblr page? Yes you absolutely can :). My asks will always be open to anons and I will do my best to give credit when I eventually post everything :). If you want to post multiple submissions or simply just want a trackable (between works) name to your writing, just sign something at the end. It could be a name, it could be a potential username, I don’t mind at all :)).
How do I submit things? Well, the best way would be to DM me :). I have a personal writing email separate from most things that would be perfect to either share a google docs with or to just send a copy-and-pasted copy of it. Otherwise, I take asks. None of them will be posted unless asked or we’re ready to so it’ll be safe to just drop them off in! It’s also where I take questions :).
Any other things to note? I’d really appreciate some other moderators and editors :). There’d only be like two or three of each and we’d have to know each other decently well before officially starting, but some help would be appreciated! Also, I’d like to keep a working ‘spreadsheet’ of who’s working on what just for people to see what’s going on :). Maybe some people can collaborate or it’ll encourage those niche writers to write :). A third thing is that most questionable stuff is accepted. I’d personally rather not handle all those things other than posting it so it might be a while until I can officially accept (consensual and/or graphic) ✨spicy stuff✨ but, other than that, I’ll take any of it (also, it’s Greek Mythology, almost all of it already happened). If someone’s willing to take over the ✨spicy stuff✨ then please DM me so we can work out the details and see if it’s a nice fit :)
Honestly, that all should be it. The main point is that I’m trying to start up a long-term project on Tumblr and Ao3 about what is essentially Greek Mythology character studies that not only allows for mass communication across a wide audience, but also (hopefully) gets some recognition for the smaller writers :). Feel free to DM me or send me asks with questions but for now, I shall sleep
Tagging: @bluebellstudio @thirteen-deaths-later @0lympian-c0uncil @happyk44 @h0bg0blin-meat @sworeontheriverstyx @deathlessathanasia @gotstabbedbyapen. Sorry if I tagged you and you want nothing to do with it, I just wanted to get it out there /pos /gen
#ya know this is the one time I regret deleting all my old accounts :/#I had such a large (ish) following on my old tumblr (neptunes-sea-of-writing btw if you recognize it)#that it’s kind of intimidating to restart again :(#need to do it tho. i just gotta#but I haven’t really written-#anyway that’s not this post’s problem#tagging everyone to try to get it out there#even if you aren’t interested#it’d be appreciated if you share anyway to get to a larger audience :)#i just. wanna build that community and know more things#as much as I’d love to tackle this project all on my own#I know I can’t and it wouldn’t be beneficial for me#but since a large portion of it is gaining knowledge#why not ask it from others?#tagging everyone to get it out there#also the general tag is going to be:#Neptune’s Big Ass Greek Mythology Project#bc why not :)#but seriously#consider it if it’s your thing#and if it’s not that’s fine#I remember being a small writer so intimidated to find people#and I’m feeling that feeling once again having started my entire platform over again :)#we’ve all got this. we’ll make it work /pos#greek mythology#also#you can write for absolutely any fandom#idc#as long as it’s one consistent pov of your focus character :)#also I’m like incredibly sleep deprived and tired rn ive been up since four am and its nine pm rn
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day
#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :///#and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones#should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess#my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it#like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it#but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh.#i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update#but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know#if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend#but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks#and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me#i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao#delete later maybe#just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com
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literally why the fuck is tumblr determined to make it impossible to reach the source of a post. they went from "we're gonna make it easier" to "we're gonna eliminate that possibility entirely"
#OOC / HOLLY.#WHAT IS THE POINT#there was an xkit extension that like if you clicked on the username of the person someone reblogged the post from#at the absolute top of the rbed post it would take you to that post on their blog#instead of just taking you to the front page of their blog#well this morning I wake up to find tumblr has removed that entirely#the top of a rbed post just has '[username] reblogged this'#OKAY??? FROM WHOM??? FUCK YOU#not to mention that seeing who a mutual rbed a post from has historically been a decent way to find more people to follow#but now unless that person is the op OR added something to the body of the post you'll have to dredge through the notes to find anything#which anyway still doesn't address the problem that you can't just go directly to the post on op's blog#where the rpc is concerned 'reblog memes from the source' is about to be a thing of the past#which personally I don't care about#that wasn't really a thing when I started out in rp + I've never found it to be an issue for me. it has never once clogged up my feed#however I understand it's a different story for some people#some people need their activity feed cleaner#and I don't complain about tumblr updates. I generally find them benign#this one is a pain tho. as are the changes to how posts show up in tags [which was perfectly fckn functional thank you]#and the defaulting to the 'for you' tab and the tumblr live that we can't turn off permanently#the rest I can either adapt to; ignore; or turn off
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I genuinely tear up whenever I think about how English fans are learning Spanish for Quackity and how Spanish fans are learning English for him. He's really loved.
#i talk#dsmp talk#I have now moved from ''genuinely tear up'' to ''I am currently crying my eyes out rn thinking about it''#maybe this is a bit too tmi for a frickin tumblr post but#I'm Mexican and I've always been really deeply ashamed that I can't speak Spanish#esp because I look white passing and Ive dealt with the whole ''but you dont SEEM Mexican!'' thing my whole life#which — as someone who has always been fiercely proud of her heritage — never failed to piss me off#but I've always been too scared to practice with other people or with family#because I'm still afraid of that judgement and I'm afraid of not being seen as ''good enough'' or ''Mexican enough''#and like. I know I am I KNOW I am and there's no invisible standard or whatever I need to prove myself to#but at the same time. those kinda things build up over the years y'know?#then I got into DSMP and I found out Quackity was Mexican too#and I got really invested in his character and him as a person / creator#and when he joined Karmaland I finally decided to start practicing Spanish#and like. I've never been someone who could learn Any Kind of language outside of a classroom setting#and it's hard and frustrating and embarassing more than anything else#but I saw Quackity post about today's lore on his Spanish twitter a bit ago saying people should watch it even if its in English#and one of his Spanish-speaking fans responded to it saying how they started doing English duolingo for him#and like y'know Ive been an English teacher for ages and I'm always quick to congratulate people because learning a new language is hard#so I (in Spanish) respond by saying that I'm learning Spanish so I can watch Karmaland#and I say how amazing it is how everyone's learning a different language for Quackity and I wish them good luck#and I'm looking at the responses to both our comments rn and it's making me cry more#because the English and Spanish communities are both so enthusiastic and supportive of each other because we all love Quackity#I'm not really sure how to put my emotions into words but. it's nice to see that support. it's nice to feel seen by my own people#and it's nice to see that love trancends culture and language barriers#I see so much bad stuff in the world but then I see stuff like this & it makes me bawl my eyes out because we're all just people in the end#something about human connection and love and communication#I dunno. Quackity is very important to me and so is his community.#Anyways I know lore's gonna kill me today because this just made me bawl for 10 minutes#karmaland talk
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happy new years guys!! i hope you're all having a wonderful day/night so far <3
i'm not sure about everyone else, but it really doesn't feel like a typical new year! i think with the heaviness of the mars & mercury rx (especially considering the signs are inconjunct, which makes things extra tough), it kind of just feels like another day!! if you have a day chart, you might feel extra impacted by the mars retrograde as compared to night chart babies. definitely take it easy if you're feeling off/stressed/etc, and perhaps use january as a time of reflection, and focus more on putting plans into action in march! (or, in january - if it feels right for you!! but if you feel overwhelmed or lack motivation for any sort of resolutions or planning, just know you aren't alone, the sky right now is a bit "heavy")
personally i tend to celebrate the new year as per the astrological new year (aka first day of aries szn as the new year) which feels extra right because that'll be around the time mars is no longer rx nor in the shadow period!!!
anyway!! how are you all feeling?! any thoughts about 2022/2023, plans/etc?! personally the only thing on my mind rn is genshin impact girl groups, and relaxing as much as possible in january until mars and mercury chill out!!! 2022 was rough!!
#luna.txt#would luv to hear how u guys are feeling!!!#esp how ur feeling + ur rising/dominants?!#if u have any q's about astrology or current transits or just anything im here!!!#im working on some posts finally!! and i decided im gonna offer readings in january!!!#ive spent the last month reading even more astro books#ive studied astrology for so many years but this month i somehow feel like#ive learnt more in a month than i have in 8+ years studying omg#not really but you know what i mean fdjlkfjdf#i might make a post asking y'all preferences re: readings?! or maybe ill just go for it idk#idk about u guys but 2022 was one of the hardest years ever for me??#and it was mainly bc internal? like not that many external things happened idk??#it was a 12h solar return sun year for me.. hated that!#worst sr sun ever for me#my panic disorder relapsed right when mars rx entered it's shadow omg its been so rough#but starting to feel better slowly!! but still hard to learn how to live w/ panic again!!!#part of why ive been so ghost from this blog :((#BUT I MISS IT<3#i also considered making a girl group and maybe genshin tumblr too!!#cause i have like 1.2 friends who like that stuff and i need to yell abt it anyway#ANYWAY HI if anyone feels like talking in my ask.. come rant abt ur year or astro or anything ily
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My apologies for being absent!
/cracks knuckles, but I'm in the midst of typing about fear and with it, hope to make it up to you guys a little. I don't remember the last time that I've been so motivated to write meta of any kind, but Kafka makes me never want to shut up, and honestly— I feel bad when I'm sitting in Discord, with someone's DMs open and I'm sitting on my hands to prevent myself from hypothesizing, because when I don't, it's twelve paragraphs at least. So here we go, let's take my hypothesizing to the dashboard.
Can I also just... say how much two instrumental tracks scream Kafka to me and I lose my mind? I need to stop losing my mind. But this character is just everything I've craved to write for much too long, her premise, dynamics, her goal, the references and symbolism, it's so delightful and thrilling and absolute chef's kiss. Any way, in case anyone may want to know what's playing over and over and over again without stop. The romanticism of Kafka:
— Table for Two
— The Field
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ the difficult thing is that i have this feeling like i always need to be more coherent on the dashboard and sometimes certain... ]#[ 'mid-thought' ... thoughts get lost. not in translation but my head is like tony stark. 50000 thoughts at the same time. ]#[ when those little cogs of this little human being that is me start going at a million miles an hour. ]#[ and i can't write them all down in a tumblr post-- or maybe i could. perhaps i should just have a 'read more' section... ]#[ and just dump the random thoughts there if they're still there when i'm done typing or as i'm typing. ]#[ we'll see. that may actually be a really good idea of me. oh my gosh look at that. I STILL FUNCTION. ]#[ the heatwave didn't ruin me entirely. ]#[ also i'm learning to use a pressure cooker and i swear i can hear the light sound from here and i just worry-- ]#[ this thing is going to explode any minute and every minute even if it isn't. ]#[ i'm not by default or by nature an anxious individual but jesus. ]#[ this thing stresses me out. 8 MORE MINS; GOD. please hold on. 😭 ]#[ okay okay-- abel korzeniowski and i are gonna continue. see you on the flipside in like 6 hours. ]
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*Admits the blog is them playing a character*
*entire blog is dedicated to being this character*
*could not more clearly be a roleplay blog*
*proceeds to continue tagging as unreality*
#it just annoys me so much like#who actually looks at the realpokemon posts and doesnt instantly clock is as rp?#sometimes sure it takes awhile for the asker to mention pokemon but like. thats more of a 'haha i thought they were talking about something#real and was confused' and not a 'this is incredibly mentally distressing me and should have a tw' thing#did we forget about the concept of askblogs?#where someone would rp as a character(s) and answer questions in character#have we really forgotten our routes so much that people think rp needs to be tagged as un///reality?#whats next. are gimmick blogs going to start tagging that too on every post where they stay in character?#which on tumblr. is pretty much all their posts
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Just started TLJ for fun because it was a Long Day and I wanted some form of distraction that didn't involve the current Ghost Crew kinda high stakes episode I was halfway through and I must say..... this is so strange to me
#the brief scenes with paige just gutted me#you know that post about the unnamed servant in king lear (i THINK it's king lear at least) that has that cs lewis quote#that's paige. like. that's literally her that's her role in the story that's what she chooses to do and that's why#poe's Personally Sanctioned mission to destroy the dreadnought or whatever it's called succeeds. it's because of her#not gonna lie i wish we saw more of her!!!!!#anyhow there are a lot of things that were little gems. like our intro to rose is her sitting alone in an empty space sobbing#because she lost her sister as she's clutching the matching necklace. that was a really good bit#and finn being like. WHERE'S REY. HOW CAN SHE GET TO US IN THIS CHAOS.#and the sheer intensity of rage from kylo ren#unlike many of my fellow tumblr girlies (please don't burn me at the stake for this) i don't find adam driver very attractive and am a bit#puzzled as to what makes people like him So Much (mentally i'm like ???? which is my reaction to timothee chalamet enthusiasm too)#but i can give him one thing. he's absolutely terrifying. the intensity and sheer out of control FORCE of his anger terrifies ME#probably on the same level as hayden's anakin does tbh#i jumped a little when he punched the elevator wall. that man has got Deep Seated Issues that he REALLY needs to work out at this point#there are also bits of this movie that REALLY confuzzle me#like leia's force hovering through space (????) and poe's anger/control/defiance (??????????)#and also LUKE GIVING UP????? i was like. well the video essay peeps on youtube were right about THIS bit being#the Worst Part Thus Far. a luke skywalker abandoning hope is a luke skywalker i'm struggling to recognize#anyhow more thoughts incoming...... class has started and media analysis brain is on#is it EVER OFF THOUGH LOL#tlj liveblog
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