Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

babpy.

Wyll breaking up with the player character if Ulder dies so Wyll must become the Duke makes me wanna throw up sobbing because he actually thinks that just because his father's first duty being to Baldur's Gate made him a Bad Father that Wyll himself will inevitably be a Bad Lover because surely no one could match love with duty if his father couldn't, unknowing he has more love in one hand than his father had in his entire body. fuck

Working is exhausting, and next week I'm moving up to full time (which will involve getting up at 5:00 in the morning).

And it's at a mill, so it's a lot of labour work when I deal with chronic pain issues. I've been having a lot of baths.

I've been struggling a lot with my allowing myself to have things.

Trying to remind myself that it's okay to buy myself bath bombs, or other things for the bath that make me feel better (even if it's mentally and not physically) are okay to do. It's a hard train of thought to break. It's tricky to find the balance of whether it's an impulse buy from my impulses, or not.

It's also tricky because I'm working to save money to get out of my environment and it feels like I'm delaying that when I make other purchases. Maybe it does mean I am delaying it on some level. But the thing I've had to teach myself is that my mental health and physical health matter, too. And I could argue that they're more important to not delaying me than the extra money I spend that I could technically be saving.

My long-winded, rambled point is that it's okay to buy nice things for yourself. It's okay if there isn't a reason other than it cheers you up. Navigating that line between impulse spending that gets out of hand and other spending can be hard, but please try not to go to the one extreme I did where you never allow yourself a little luxury or treat because those things can be so crucial to your well-being. The line for everyone is different (for me, it's allowing myself one-two bath bombs a week instead of every day like I want to), but it is not wrong or terrible to want to get yourself something nice. You deserve nice things.

default dragonborn durge gif edits save me

the burnout is real lads . . . . .

Does the flag REALLY means death once again? Can’t it mean something else for just once? Why is the flag denied a fairytale ending even this time?

There's something to be said about the same people who praised Vecna for being an allegory for mental illness in season 4 volume 1 are the same people who vehemently hate the character who has been self-destructing since season 2 and was ready to kill himself for a friend's baby teeth in season 1.

my anxiety and depression are both flaring badly today which is great bc i'm alone at work for my entire 6 and a half hour shift today so i can't even go hide in the bathroom to cry it i need to

wish me luck!

How can you make yourself not care about the thing you care very much about? Asking for a friend

the things my mind will do to NOT have to face the consequences of a traumatic story arc

"oh so and so died last week? and the new episode is tonight? hmm sounds like it'll be a good one...

.....y'know i've really been meaning to get into [absolute rabbit hole of a fandom]"

Mentally tough day🎀

Had a good streak but wasnt doin so great today and that's okay ♡ I felt worthless and insecure about a few things :( and trying to reassure myself that I dont need certain things in order to feel worthy plus trying to ignore the gossiping in my household n societal pressures of a woman <3 hope to feel better soon b4 bday💜😔

and you? since when?

and

you since

when

?

and you

since when

?

and [in addition to myself]

you [love me]

since [for how long]

when [have or will you]

? [love me]

i'm always refreshing the limoreau tag on ao3 just waiting for an update of imma keep you in mind 😭😭

lolllll it will be up by today (Friday my time) i’m just not in my dorm rn. scouts honor 🫡

i’m unwell today apparently bc literally all i can think about is xarrastarion intimacy and sweetness. as if it’s my fault.

I’m fucking disabled