#bc now i can do it on command
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my anxiety and depression are both flaring badly today which is great bc i'm alone at work for my entire 6 and a half hour shift today so i can't even go hide in the bathroom to cry it i need to
wish me luck!
#really glad i spent my teen years disassociating through everything#bc now i can do it on command#and it's the only way i'll get through this shift#i need a fucking break#cant afford to take one tho!#love living in canada it's a such a perfect country with no issues ever 🙃🙃🙃🙃#my depression hasn't flared up in SO long#but of course it picks today to hit#that's so fun#i'm so fucking tired#ignore this#im being annoying#might cry on here later!#personal rambles#mental health#not stargate
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I just really started to think about the Royal throuples Sibling Experiences, and it's just
Breha, an only child, grew up in a free world with a matriarchal society where she was placed as the girl/woman of the place
Bail, has three sisters, also grew up in a free world with a matriarchal society
Fox, has 200k brothers with million more well on the way, grew up in an isolated world where him and everybody else were brought up to be essentially Gym Bros with Extra Baggage ™️
I don't know what this all means. But it means something.
#no I do not accept breha having a sister bc the owk showrunners cannot read#bail has drank so much respect women juice during his life#like I really think that he started drinking it after coming out of the womb#fox. fox uh. has never even met a girl before he was given a gun and told to shoot but for realsies now#we can all just imagine how this all pans out#in my opinion? fox becomes a raging feminist real quick lmao#sw#tcw#Breha Organa#Bail Organa#Commander Fox#bail/breha/fox
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cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((
#my thoughts#i slept like 3 hours but my roommate kept moving and it bothered me where every movement made me irrationally angry#and i keep waking up and having immediate brainrot lfjkfnfjnf so its fun but also not bc im literally SO drained pleasssseee shut up brain#like baby i have a presentation tomorrow at 8:30AM and i have to do a whole reflection paper#go to fucking sleeeeeeep#and the worst part is i FORGOT to eat . before bed . cuz i was too tired and said fuck it ill eat in the morn#which is horrible bc now im like. starving and gross bc i also didnt do anything i kinda just collapsed JFKDNDKDN#but i dont wanna get up. because. um. four am and i dont wannnnaaa eat.i waanaa eat in the morning#so ive just been holding stan bunny close and thinking thoughts while actively trying to sleep JFKDNFKDJD#anyways. Im a functioning human person!#: D !#GggfrRRRAGGhggh#so annoying bc i usually can sleep on command like its nothing lmfao#but i have too many things on my frickin mind i cant shut it up pensive#anyways THIS IS A LONG TAG THING NSJFJDKFJD UHHHHH runs away#DELETE LATER????
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the example people always go for with 'taking things literally' is 'not understanding idioms and metaphors' or 'not understanding sarcasm' and that's frustrating for Me, Specifically, Personally because I am a person who has a lot of social struggles with Taking Things Literally but, crucially, not in that sense. I understand idioms & metaphors just fine and, as someone who's primary special interest is the written word & storytelling, actually am pretty good at them and thrive with them. I miss sarcasm occasionally but catch it most of the time and am often sarcastic myself.
No, my Taking Things Literally is that if you say something to me or give me an instruction, I will Understand It Literally. I will get what you said and not at all what you meant. There are exceptions to this in cases where I've learned the script and even use it myself (e.g. the other day I asked my mum "Is this Not Butter" about a thing, and she replied "Yes but it has buttermilk", because we both understood the real question was "is this the lactose-free spread?" because I was making food for my sister) but in the vast majority of cases, I just. will miss implications and unspoken assumptions. I will just completely miss them, they will not register, I Did Not Know They Were There.
Implications in a narrative? I am on it immediately, this is my bread and butter, I can pull a story apart to get to five layers of subtext & implication & theme like breathing
Reliably understanding that the request "Can you empty the dishwasher?" includes emptying the drying rack which is not physically part of the dishwasher because the real request is "Can you put the clean dishes away?"? Not a chance
#me#fortunately I know a lot of Techy Computer People#so I can go ''you know how if you input a command your computer will do Exactly What You Told It To? my brain works like that'#and then they get it#and that last one is one we've been working on#the request is now usually phrased as ''Can you get the dishes?'' which is mutually understood to be either#''can you put the clean dishes (in both dishwasher & drying rack) away''#or ''can you load the dishwasher & do the handwashing?''#depending on the time of day & which of those tasks needs done#however sometimes my mum & dad do forget and use ''can you empty the dishwasher'' and then later they go ''you didn't get the drying rack''#and I go ''you said dishwasher!! you didn't mention the drying rack!!'' and they go ''okay fair''#ANYWAYS. I AM HAVING SOME. COMMUNICATION DIFFICULTIES THOUGHTS ATM#[squints at this post] [sighs] okay I'm going to add the relevant tag but if this break containment I WILL be turning off reblogs posthaste#bc my activity STILL gets influxes from my last autism post to break containment#actuallyautistic
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In case anyone wanted to know what my current dialogue checks are looking like
#pathfinder wotr#txts#literally everyone either mocks pities or is scared of ember#and i am just here like: this is a child#look she can throw fire yeah#but other than that as of right now just starting out really#thats just a kid#then again no one is better at being mean than a kid just speaking their honest mind#they can dig deep man#i do just kinda find it funny given the...everyone else#like guys she has an ac of like 8 you can kick her in the shins and she'll crumble#granted i will go wage war if that does happen BUT you theoretically with no regard for your own life or those around you COULD#dont quote me on the ac btw i didnt check#the 2 tieflings is woljif+my commander btw#bc i am ~predictable~
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Chakotay leaning on the fact that he was Maquis to play-flirt with Janeway as they work on reports after hours and Janeway laughs, waving him off with a smirk and at the moment she says something like “I haven’t been charmed by the bad boy routine since I was in 8th grade” she turns to see Tuvok (also with them, has been there the whole time) looking very much charmed by the bad boy routine. (Only she can tell this.)
#Tuvok: -looking at Chakotay with a neutral expression- / Janeway: -bisexual pride flag in the background- ~!?????#play-flirt means he means it but also he's joking#anyway...Chakotay & Neelix could have had Janeway & Tuvok if they respectively let their hair gray and played up their criminal past#Tuvok: I don't want to get involved with people#Hot morally dubious guy who struggles with himself: Hi can you- / Tuvok: Yes.#Teen Tuvok wrote sooo many self insert fanfics where a hot rebel came to take him away from the temple to kiss and say 'society sucks!!'#and after he left the temple and achieved inner peace he rewrote them so that he eventually got the hot rebel to see the light and renounce#his rebel ways bc Tuvok is sooo smart and wise and handsome and correct#He wouldn't feel this way about Chakotay (Tuvok has grown and Chakotay is too stable and kind)#but that doesn't mean there isn't a little twinge of that badboy allure every now and then (Tuvok /hates/ this...Chakotay must NEVER know)#Tuvok: We should technobabble technobabble. / Chakotay: How long will that take? / Tuvok: Approximately one hour.#Chakotay: We can't wait that long. -does some on the fly big brain bullshit- There. -grins- That's how we did it in the Maquis.#Tuvok: -pupils fully dilated- .......Need I remind you that I was /in/ the Maquis Commander? -walks past him-#Chakotay: -calling after him- Then you do it next time~!!!#this post can be about chakotay/tuvok or the whole polycule <3#Janeway#Chakotay#Tuvok#Janeway & Tuvok constantly question each others taste in men but they sync up to say 'Commander Chakotay' before losing it again
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Seeing as the person who drew this for me and listens to me yell about these two and Rudyard is currently Illegal For Tumblr, I have been given permission to post this!
So a huge thank you I'm crying @ gunhorse ;0; my kids look great and I wuv them... I'm sobbing.
(And for those wondering, the agent named Bravo encounters Katale a fair amount though completely intentional from her. He thinks that she's just a very nice woman who got mixed up in the wrong crowd and she doesn't seem to wish him hard and he doesn't wish her harm so in the end when he sees her he's putting his gun away into a shoulder holster because he's a Good Boy.)
#two crime bosses and a very good boy#i had a different tag plotted for them but i have long since derailed lol#its now the katale show and she holds it all together so were scrapping the agent based title#also the names are clifford is the agent but he goes by bravo cause it summarizes his entire personality#bravo is the name of one of the 101 dalmatians in some iteration (thank you 101 dalmatian wiki)#b is for bravo as in code word and hes a spy slash agent#and also he is immensely weak to praise and bravo can be said to approve and praise#therefore its his whole personality bc mans a puppy#and also clifford (name suggested by gunhorse actually and im keeping it) bc big pubby and my childhood#also well known as clifford the big RED dog which is very fun bc the crime bosses are constantly wearing red#and they end up befriending the good little agent so him being a part of the red crew in name is a good thought uwu#and then katale meaning stronger than you is the woman and she is actually second in command by choice#she doesnt WANT to be number one she wants to have someone else do That Stuff#but shes known crime her whole life as she had multiple relatives in the crime organization#and then rudyard belzer the top dog now actually worked his way up from a henchman type status#and i love them all dearly#tw blood#long post#i forget if later tags are counted still and i will be so sad if they arent i just forgot ...#i wanted to talk about ocs so bad...#gift art
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One thing about my worldbuilding that isn't really important, I just think it's cute: the Pokemon anime is a TV show within the main gameverse and it's meant to educate kids about certain Pokemon while telling it's own story that's very, very, verrry loosely based on Red's journey.
#saying bc castor caught a few episodes of it and hes a fan#i take a few things from it or at least inspirations from it but for the most part its its own thing#also i think red watches the show and really likes it. hes really flattered. blue thinks gary is funny as hell#the main thing i take is the implications behind meowth's character but he's not a legit example of a pokemon learning to talk#idk if that makes sense. also humans assume that each and every pokemon speak the same language#when... its not like they cannot communicate with each other. this is where aura and telepathy kind of come in#every pokemon is capable of some form of telepathy that varies among species#but untrained- they can talk with their own species and others within that family- like canine pokemon can talk to each other#but otherwise nope. they cant really talk with one another. at least not inherently#its something a pokemon can be trained to do like extend their telepathy so that feline and equine pokemon can hear them#and it takes a LOT to learn how to do that with a human#usually caught pokemon naturally learn to do this since theyre usually exposed to a ton of different pokemon#... mayyyybe theres a quality in pokeballs that helps with that? i dont know i havent figured that out yet#also its easier to learn how to hear other species talk than it is to actually speak it#so a lot of caught pokemon can understand what their trainer is saying and ofc can hear battle commands#but they wont be able to actually talk to them#in pmd however this is all completely out the window. all pokemon understand one another and they also understand humans#bc their auras evolved overtime so that telepathy with all pokemon is natural to them#idk why that is yet exactly... i have to iron that out but these are my ideas for now#maybe it was something the legendaries did... it could also just be a side effect of pokemon growing to have their own civilizations#it is VERY weird for castor when he enters bc he hadnt learned telepathy with every type yet but suddenly bam he knows everything#and its very surreal to him to suddenly have a steelix talking to him#echoed voice
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constantly being reminded that the standard acknowledge-enough formula for getting guard/guardian dogs to stop barking does not work on many other dogs
#what we do with my family's two large guardian breed dogs is that you let them alery- acknowledge what they've alerted to#I.e. if they're barking bc a car door slammed outside you say ''thank you. I heard it''- and then you tell them ''alright that's enough''#it usually works pretty well bc what they need to know is that someone else will take care of what they perceive as a threat.#if they know you're Aware of it (and yes they can understand this) they'll relax a bit#however I forget that the dogs I've grown up with and that my family has right now are... extremely conversational#we talk to them like people basically. I say please and thank you to them and genuinely they understand me.#they're SUPER in tune to vocal commands/being spoken to in any context.#many other dogs are... not. my brother's dachshund is very well trained but he does Not stop barking when I#instinctively say ''thanks I heard it that's enough'' it just doesn't work on him sjdskfnskfbskfnsk#Lu rambles
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Listen. Probably my favorite thing about The Terror is that because the story is one planned out season, the arcs and parallel scenes are set up so cleanly and nicely that it echos.
#listen. i safely traveled the 1st leg of my vacation journey and now im gonna rant abt the terror a sec bc god#i just want to line up all the parallel scenes bc theyre so good in my brain. i love it so much. even my dumbass can see what theyre doing#i dont have a good media analysis brain. i was in and English class full of other stem kids in college who got shouted at for mineing books#like we were looking for data and not going for the meaning lol. but ive watched thr show so many times. so many times and yet reading the#scripts is even better bc it makes it even more clear what theyre doing in each scene. i love it#im just gonna list scenes i remember that echo back. obv the more than god loves them via james as a parallel and an arc for francis. silna#y do u want to die. James god wants u to live. hicky bitching abt the dog thrn the crew bitching abt the dog. james assuring john abt his#being given command. francis reassuring james abt being given command. irving god sees u here more than anywhere. goodsir is god here? any#god? goodsir talking abt the radience when ppl die. goodsir hearing the angles as he dies. theres more but those r at the top of my head#i just wanna line them all up and stare at them. god. do i try to learn video editing for that? with what fucking time? but then i could#force my observations on other ppl in a way thats satisfying lol. maybe. id also want all the lines that echo constantly in my head edited#together. also. reading thr scripts they r obviously writing the apathy of god into the story. the sundog is a portentous celestial eye lol#im gonna have to write out my thoughts on god in the terror. whether or not i make a video. but the thumbnail would b Crozier staring at#the sundogs. i just have zero video editing skills and also zero time when im working lol. ugh but this idea is like a maligned tumor in#my head. and i must satisfy its demands. also just watch the terror. i beg of u. its so so good. also if u dont live in a city hellscape or#the god forsaken desert. go run around in the grass. it feels so so nice. i had to run around the house a few times when i got home lol#unrelated#the terror
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campaign update: my cringefail loser bard noble dropout's voice has gone from annoying bisexual to taako adventure zone to straight up fucking shaggy. just shaggy. this is what testosterone does to you, kids
#silentstories#dnd#bc of my voice deepening it cracks quite a bit but i can do it on command#and i already used a cracky nasally voice for this character so it just.#morphed into shaggy#and i thought it was so funny that im keeping it#his noble house name is now norville#this is canon
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just let me change my tav's appearance in the middle of the game i wanna try some modded hairs on rowena
#watch someone say that you can already do that and i'm just stupid#i downloaded a bunch of stuff for sirius's playthrough but rowena's remains vanilla#bc there's no console commands you can only get the custom armors early game and i'm just abt to enter act 3 with her#i think? i'm at the mindflayer colony right now and i just have to kill the evil dude#i'm scared i lost nightsong idk if she can die but she lost all her health and the monster thing-y took her#it sucks if she dies because of that#i wonder how long the act 3 is i feel like act 2 was quite short#💬
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attempting to make a sequel to my bestest little boy with my newfound Python Knowledge i got from my intro class fjkhdkg
#the only reason i wanna do this instead of using the thing i used before#is bc i hated how hard it was to edit things i already made for my other bot#i'd have to delete THE ENTIRE COMMAND and start over with it#now i can just. open my silly little apps and edit him in any way#the problem: i have no idea how to work bots fkjhdg#i have So Many Tabs open#IT'S SLOWLY WORKING THO!! he can talk back and he can embed#soon i will find out how to put pictures in the embeds. and i would Love to figure out how to have him send links#'send links' is a terrible description of what i want him to do but i cant think of the exact words rn#the other problem is that i need my command prompt open at all times#but the other bot NEVER COMES ONLINE ANYWAYS EVEN WHEN I ASK HIM TO so i consider that an upgrade actually#anyways my head hurts i've been doing this for way too long i need to eat and sleep lol#chat#technobot
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pride month drabble challenge fill #1
prompts: 15. Transmasc + 9. Moonlight + 7. "Do you ever get afraid?" (prompts)
fandom: XCOM 2 (gen verse)
TWs/CWs: none
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They're standing on the flight deck with Central, the cold moonlight turning them both silver black blue. Beside them, their XO stares out over the railing toward the distant glittering night shine of a city center.
His breath fogs in the air, and the Commander wishes they had those stupid sweaters still. They itched but they were warm, and the wind that rushes over the deck is frigid enough that they'd be willing to wear the damn thing again.
The Commander studies Central's face. He looks like they've always wished, no longer the clean and proper young man he was, more rugged and just--
Their stomach twists.
Masculine. Almost stereotypically so. He has it so effortlessly. They never will-- they don't know the state of gender affirming health care now and frankly? They'd rather not; it'd make them cry more than everything already does.
But they look at Central and they're envious. They look at him and they want to wear his skin. They look at him and mourn what they can't be.
Their capture did nothing to help. They guess it's nice that they didn't age, but... that's time they've lost. They'll never get it back. Time they could have--
Could have what? No time for transitioning when the world's on fire, they think bitterly.
Central looks over at them.
"You're looking awfully pensive," he says. "Something eating you, Commander?"
"Do you ever get afraid?" they ask.
Their central officer's mouth drops a bit in a frown. "Not sure I'm following," he says. "Of the aliens? The war? The Chosen? What's next? You're gonna need to be--"
"Of -- of not getting --"
Their voice trails off. What does their dysphoria matter, in this time? So meaningless admist the horrors. They shove their hands in their pockets and look at their feet.
Central's eyes are on them. "Ohhh," he says as they try not to meet his gaze. "Ohh, you think you don't deserve to talk about whatever it is, I see."
He scoffs. "Well, I think you do," he says, looking back out at the city center. "Even if it seems small to you, it still means something. You should get to talk about it."
"Thanks, Central," they say.
"So what is it?"
They take a long breath of the crisp cold air, feel it burn in their chest. "I'm not who I'm supposed to be," they say, hesitantly. "And I probably won't ever get to be."
Central's looking at them again.
Their stomach churns under his soft gaze. "Stop," they say. "Stop, you're pitying me."
"I am not," he retorts. "I still don't even really get it but maybe I don't have to. This is a trans thing, right?"
They nod.
"I won't ever know what that's like," Central continues. "I won't claim that I would or will, but..." He pauses. "I don't know, if I can help somehow, I'd like to."
The Commander shifts weight from foot to foot, is still avoiding eye contact. "I don't know what you could even do," they say. "I mean, besides what you do already, with pronouns and..."
"Yeah, but that's just being a decent human," Central says.
"Maybe that's all I can really ask, all you can really do," the Commander says. "Not like you can just manifest a surgeon or HRT or whatever."
"If I could I would," he says. "I could... someone has to be helping folks in the resistance transition. I'll look around."
The Commander smiles a little, shuffles a little closer to Central.
"You're right," they say. "There has to be somebody, something." They hesitate. "I just...sometimes I feel like I'm alone, and that it'll never happen, and that I have to settle. That's what I mean."
"You shouldn't ever have to settle," Central says. "Not on something like this-- when it's about yourself and your life and..." He struggles a second. "You should get to be happy."
The Commander wants to reach for his hand. They don't. Instead they say, "You should too."
He looks away, back toward the cityscape and its neon lights. "I've got mine," he says. "Your turn now, Commander."
The Commander closes the distance between them, leans on him. "What if we both got ours? Got to be happy?" they say. "What about that, Central?"
Central stiffens under their weight, and then relaxes a bit. "I'd like that," he says, his voice quiet, slow. The Commander can feel his body rising and falling with each breath under their ear.
"Me too," they say. "Me too."
#wolf barking#tailstrokes#hello commander#pride month drabble challenge#hey you can add readmore on mobile wo doing the :readmore: thing now?????#anyway * strikes a pose * have this#also sorry jax all i have to offer is x2 brainrot so thats what youre getting#i added the dialouge prompt from my own list bc i needed. more inspo ^^;#and i do these challenges very haphazardly (ie i roll 3d10 on each prompt list and do that instead of day by day) so i hope thats alright.#everyone: can we see something else other than c/c shipping / me: sorry brainrot!#'ITS BEEN 6 YEARS WOLF' IM IN HELL!
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They are Looking
#Tuvok's pose is so weird /affectionate#they all look kinda cute here idk why it's like they're kids staring at a worm#'Hey Chakotay come look at this! Found something weird.'#Imagine if that fucking pan flute was diegetic#Tuvok: Commander look at this#Chakotay: -looks-#Neelix: What's that noise?#Tuvok: A pan flute. It means he is remembering something. It happens every time.#Chakotay's dad is fucking killing it in that fit though....he said 'I am an adventure guy and EVERYONE needs to know it on SIGHT'#teen Chakotay's casting is really good~!#screenshot#Hehehe I like how Neelix follows Tuvok around...doesn't seem to be doing much just there for moral support#Tuvok got into that elevator very smoothly...so elegant#Aww HEHE the 'I breed orchids too!' scene was v nice#Tuvok slowly looking down at Neelix's hand I can hear him going 'touching me....why is he touching me....'#and Chakotay's laughing to himself~#Chakotay: You guys are the flower squad now :) get to work flower boys :)#liveblogging#Doctor's also being cute...Kes was like 'I wish you'd have more compassion! Maybe if you were sick you'd understand'#and even though he thinks its gonna be no problem (bc he doesn't know what being sicks means or is! He's just a baby!)#He /does/ immediately go 'Kes look~!!! I'm sick just like you said~!!'#O H MYGOD WHAT??? SULU KNEW TUVOK AND CHAKOTAY??? Hahaha...aww they could have met~ (I know they didn't though)#Oh I was wondering how young starfleet academy students were! Chakotay can enter at 15 ... damn theyreally have these kids for LIFE huh#H EY CHAKOTAY....I KNOW WHY BUT ALSO...IT'S /WILD/ TO THINK GETTING NAKED MAKES YOU /LESS/ THREATENING#If I saw a weird alien and that weird alien stripped and started yelling about how I had nothing to fear I'd definitely not believe them
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dreamy, i want to start using screencaps (i've been using the import video frames to layers) but i can't seem to find a free software for windows :( do you possibly have any recs?
oh boy.
i do have a recommendation! i use mpv which is a player u can get for free! however. the setup is a bit complicated and can be Very intimidating and scary. but i would 100% recommend it bc once u got thru the setup it's extremely easy to use and works very well
i recommend following this tutorial but if u need any help feel free to dm me i can walk u thru it if u want
#like i'm a tech savvy person and i wont even lie setting that up was scary#like they pulled out the command lines and i was like girl if this is a virus that's gonna be my 13th reason#but it's all good and now it works fantastically#so def do give it a try if u feel up for it#personally i would say tho that u don't _need_ to work with screencaps unless u use 4k files#like i can't see any difference tbh it's just a different method#but it's def useful to know!#as i said do hit me up if u think it's scary or need any guidance that the tutorial doesn't provide bc I KNOW#oh also u don't need to use import video frames to layers as long as the video is not too long u can just slap the video in photoshop#and work on it directly. btw#asks
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