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#I mean like in case I’m gone for more than a few days
girlgenius1111 · 1 day
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wise beyond her years
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sol meets someone, and it's doomed from the start. everyone can see it, except her. ingrid tries to balance being supportive and being... a parent?
based [ish] on the manuscript by taylor swift... mostly the lyrics "afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed"
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You met her at one of Ingrid’s games. Mapi had gone down to the locker room at halftime, and you’d been content to sit in your seat and scroll through your phone until the team made their way back out. That was, until she slid into the seat next to you and introduced herself. 
Camila. She was a bit taller than you, the epitome of Spanish beauty. She spoke English with an adorable accent, and when you looked into her eyes for the first time, you were almost speechless. She looked to be a bit older than you. Maybe around Ingrid’s age. 
You should have known better. You should have thought about how odd it was that she’d been sitting a few rows up and only came to talk to you when you were alone. How those first few dates she took you on always ended with her getting you to invite her to the next Barça game. 
It was so easy for her. You were… healing. That didn't mean that you were healed. Freud would have rolled in his grave at how oblivious you were. Dating an older woman. Only a month or so after a huge fallout with your mother. Letting her talk you into things you weren’t quite sure about. Let her talk her way into your heart, making promises and declarations of love that came much too soon. 
She said that she loved you. And it wasn’t that you believed her, not really. You just thought that if you tried hard enough to be perfect, one day she would love you.
------
Ingrid had made her displeasure with Camila known to you from the beginning. She knew exactly what the woman was up to, it was obvious to everyone but you. She was using you because you were an easy target, and you were vulnerable and young and excited that someone was paying attention to you. 
You wouldn’t listen to Ingrid, though. Not when she warned you nicely about Camila, or when she warned you much more seriously. You ignored her words completely, dismissed them. And Ingrid didn’t want to fight with you, but she couldn’t hold back her feelings about this woman that had slipped into your life, so poor Mapi bore the brunt of the Norwegian’s rants about how Camila was not good enough for her Solstråle. 
This was the case today. You were off with Camila, and Ingrid was going crazy back home. It had been weeks, and this was still going on. The worry and concern your sister had for you was at a high, it was all she could think about. Mapi felt similarly, but she tried to keep her cool because she knew very well that telling you not to date the woman would only make you want to date her more. 
“She’s going to get hurt.” Ingrid said. 
“She might. That’s how she learns, though, mi amor. We have to let her make her own mistakes.” 
“Did you read that in your parenting book?” Ingrid asked with a slight smirk. 
Mapi flushed red, avoiding her girlfriend’s gaze. “It is not a parenting book. It is a… helping sad teens book.” She argued. 
Ingrid softened. “María, don’t be embarrassed. Getting a book to learn how to help Solstråle better… that is sweet and thoughtful. Just like you.” 
Now, Mapi was blushing again, but this time a small smile adorned her features, though worry was still clouding her eyes. “Are you sure it’s okay? I know she’s your sister, and I do not want to overstep.” 
Ingrid just shook her head. “No, you are not overstepping. I couldn’t do this without you, María, and I mean that. You balance me out. I was worried, for a while, about being too much like my mother. You’d never let that happen, though, and it’s like a safety net. I don’t need to worry as much about making a mistake because you’re always there to tell me when I’m not doing the right thing. And you don’t have to be, but you are. I don’t thank you enough for that, my love. I don’t tell you enough, how incredible you are,  for being so full of love, and so happy to share it with everyone you meet.” 
“I love you.” María whispered back. “I love you, and I love mi sol, and I tolerate her dog, but I love our family. Sol is a special kid and… I don’t know. I just want you both to be happy. I want you both to feel loved and worthy of love because you are.” 
Ingrid isn’t quite sure how this conversation about your ‘girlfriend’ had led to this incredibly mushy conversation, but she pulled Mapi into her and squeezed tightly. “ Don’t make me cry, Solstråle will be home soon and she’ll make fun of me.”
Mapi laughed loudly, quickly wiping a tear off Ingrid’s cheek as the front door opened, announcing your arrival home. When you walked into the living room, it was to see Mapi and Ingrid curled up together on the couch, which wasn’t an unusual sight. Nor was the way they were looking at each other unusual, either. Like seeing the other person smile could sustain the other for days. Ingrid and Mapi loved each other so deeply, and so easily, it was clear for anyone to see. 
You wanted that, you really did. And you thought you had it where you definitely didn’t. You’d have it one day, though. Something told you that. 
-------
You weren’t sitting with Mapi at the match today. Camila had wanted it to be a real date, and not be supervised by your sister’s girlfriend, though she still wanted to attend the match. You’d been excited about it, even though you’d spent most of your free time with her in the past couple weeks. Well, excited until she’d disappeared right before kick off to get you both waters, and had been gone for 20 minutes. 
You were really just worried that something had happened to slow her down, so you got up when an opposing player went down and headed off in search of her. 
You found her pretty easily, leaning against a wall by the bathroom, talking to a girl. A girl that looked to be about your age, that looked just like you in fact. You tried not to jump to conclusions as you froze, watching carefully from a few meters away. It was obvious, though, what was going on. Even more obvious when Camila reached out and tucked a piece of the girl’s hair behind her ear.
 It wasn’t immediately clear to you what to do. You knew you should be angry, but really all you felt was hurt. Before Camila could spot you, you headed back to your seat, and when Camila returned a few minutes later, you did what you were used to. You shut down. You answered her questions with shrugs or nods, even when she started to get annoyed that you weren’t speaking. 
You wanted to talk to Frido. Not Ingrid or Mapi, because they’d freak out. Mapi would get all weirdly protective and huffy, and Ingrid would just be furious that you hadn’t listened to her. Frido would listen to you, and tell you what to do. You couldn’t get to the Swede, though, not without seeing your sister and her girlfriend. And by the time the final whistle blew, Camila’s anger was simmering under the surface, and she practically dragged you from the stadium. You quickly texted Mapi, telling her you were leaving with Camila, before your girlfriend pushed you into the car and all but slammed the door. You winced at the sound, knowing that you shouldn’t feel guilty for how you were acting. Camila should be the one feeling bad, but you couldn’t help the nagging feeling to just apologize and let it go. 
It was like the old version of you and the newer version were fighting. Was this how you deserved to be treated? Had Camila really done anything wrong? Your brain was a mess, and as Camila pulled the car out of the parking spot, and began to drive, you decided that you just needed some space to think. 
“Can you take me home?” You asked quietly, looking at your girlfriend out of the corner of your eye. She seemed to relax a bit, now that you’d spoken. Camila didn’t look as angry anymore. Just worried. 
“Is everything okay? You’ve gone silent on me.” Camila asked gently. Or, at least, it sounded gentle. She was giving you a kind, concerned smile but there was a look in her eyes that made you kind of uneasy. You ignored it, focusing on the softness, letting yourself be lulled into a false sense of security. You told yourself to be honest, that it was probably just a misunderstanding. That Camila would make you feel better about it, explain it all away. And everything would go back to normal. 
“I just… I saw you talking to that girl by the bathroom. It looked kind of cozy.” You said cautiously. The car came upon an intersection, a red light, and Camila came to a stop before she looked over at you. The concern was gone from her face. The softness nowhere to be found. She just looked furious at you. 
“Did you follow me to the bathroom for a reason?” She asked venomously. 
You shook your head, surprised at the turn this conversation had taken. “No, no, you were gone for a while, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 
Camila rolled her eyes as the light turned green, looking away from you and at the road. “Sure. I was just saying hi to an old friend. There’s no need to get all jealous.” 
“I’m not jealous.” You replied, sitting up straighter in your seat, a bit of anger flaring in you. Anger you hadn’t felt in a while, but a feeling that still filled your veins with fire. “I just wanted to know why you were flirting with someone while we were on a date.” 
Camila scoffed. “I was not flirting. I told you it was an old friend. I barely talked to her, what are you being so dramatic about?” 
“I really don’t think I’m being dramatic. I just asked you a question.” You said, trying to remain calm even as your girlfriend got angrier and angrier next to you. 
“No, you acted like a child. Going completely silent and ruining our date? I know you’re young, but I expected you to act like an adult and be more mature than that. It’s honestly embarrassing.” 
You felt your cheeks burn, and you chewed on your lip for a minute, trying not to say anything you’d regret. “I asked you a question, and you just keep deflecting. I don’t think I am being the childish one.” 
“Is this the mommy issues or something?” Camila asked, a cruel smile playing on her lips. You sat silent for a moment, not completely sure you’d heard her correctly. 
“Excuse me?” 
“The jealousy, the insecurity? I know your mom fucked you up, but this is ridiculous. We’ve only been together for a few weeks, why are you being so clingy? It’s fucking annoying, and I’ll tell you right now, no one on earth is going to want to put up with this. Especially not from you, it’s not worth it.” 
You blinked, completely shocked. You hadn’t expected her to get so angry when you’d been honest about your insecurity and worry. And you hadn’t expected her to throw things that you’d told her in a moment of vulnerability in your face either. “Are you serious?” You asked, voice cracking slightly. 
Camila let out a humorless laugh, parking the car in front of the cafe you were supposed to be going to. “Are you going to cry now?” She asked mockingly. “Christ, you really are too young. I don’t want to date someone this immature.”
You stared at her, feeling like you had whiplash from the turn this conversation had taken. It seemed like she was breaking up with you. Which was probably for the best, if this was how she reacted to you bringing up an issue with her. Still, it was like you were seeing a side of her you’d never seen before. Cold. Cruel. She looked completely unbothered as she unlocked the car doors and gave you a pointed look, one that clearly told you that this conversation was over. 
She looked unbothered, and you felt  your heart shatter as your biggest fear was coming true. You were too much. It had only taken Camila weeks to get tired of you. Hot tears fell down your cheeks, ones you desperately tried to hide. You were sad and embarrassed, but most of all. You just felt so hopeless. 
As you got out of the car, without another word said to your now ex-girlfriend, you wondered how you could have been so naive to think that someone would want you. Camila was right. You were too screwed up for anyone to choose you. 
You walked right into the cafe, making a beeline for the bathroom. Locking and shutting the door behind you, the last of your resolve broke, and you worked hard to quiet the broken sobs falling from your lips. 
Stupid. You’d been so stupid. It wasn’t the first time someone had broken your trust, or said something awful to you. But it was the first time since… things had changed. And somehow, you’d forgotten how much it hurt, feeling unwanted. You had been used to it, before, numb to it. Now, though, it burned sharp in your chest. Shame and sadness and anger and frustration. And still. That persistent feeling of hopelessness. How was anyone ever supposed to want you?
-------
Mapi had a weird feeling when you called. Your text after the match had sounded odd, and you were supposed to be getting coffee with Camila. She didn’t really have any other reason to be worried, but for some reason, she was. 
“Maps?” You greeted quietly. You called Mapi on purpose. She worried less than Ingrid, and while she disapproved of Camila, she had been pretending that she didn’t. Mapi was more likely to be willing to come and get you. Ingrid, on the other hand, you assumed would be too angry that you hadn’t listened to her. Too vindicated, and too caught up in being right to comfort you. 
“Hey, nena. What’s up?” Mapi asked. 
“Can you come get me?” You mumbled, the embarrassment of the situation really hitting you full force. 
“Send me your location, I’m on my way.” Mapi replied instantly, and you really appreciated that she didn’t try to get any details out of you, was just focused on getting to you as fast as possible. 
“Can you bring Scout?” You asked after a moment’s hesitation, knowing how Mapi felt about bringing the dog in the car with her. The simple question sent another wave of worry through the Spaniard’s body, knowing you really only asked for something you needed when… you really needed it. 
“Of course. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?” Mapi asked, rushing to grab her keys, ignoring the questioning look Ingrid was giving her from the couch, having woken up from a nap. 
“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you soon.” 
“Okay, mi sol. I love you.” 
“Love you too.” You whispered, choking back a sob as you hung up. 
“What is it? Where is she? Is she okay? Did something happen?” Ingrid asked rapidly, moving to get up from the couch. 
“Scout! Ven aqui!” Mapi called, rolling her eyes when the dog appeared instantly, as if he knew the reason for being summoned. “I don’t know, she just asked me to come get her. Don’t get up. Stay here, rest. I’ll get pequeña.” 
“But-” 
“No buts, princesa. Stay here. I’ve got this covered, we’ll be back soon. Don’t move from this couch, I mean it.” Mapi insisted, never one to take Ingrid’s recovery casually. 
Ingrid frowned but sat back down on the couch, watching as her girlfriend and your dog disappeared out the front door, both of them moving like they were on a mission. If there was one thing Mapi could agree with Scout on, it was that you were very important.
-------
When Mapi pulled up in front of the cafe, she saw you sitting with a to-go cup of coffee at a little table, staring at the ground. She parked quickly, finding a spot just around the corner,  before she got out to walk over to you, bringing Scout with her. Scout pulled harshly on his leash, and for once, Mapi didn’t mind. 
“Solstråle?” Mapi called when she got close enough, seeing your head whip up to look in the direction of your name. In a flash, you were abandoning your coffee and all but launching yourself towards Mapi. The Spaniard didn’t say anything, not quite sure what had happened but able to infer that it wasn’t good. 
“Thanks for coming so fast.” You said quietly, feeling just marginally better now that Mapi had pulled you into a tight hug. Scout nudged your leg with his nose rather insistently, until you pulled away from the hug and crouched down to pet him. 
“Of course, mi sol. I’ll always come for you. Did something happen?” Mapi asked, never not amazed by the way Scout instantly brought a small smile to your face, even if your eyes were still slightly wet with tears. 
“We broke up.” You said simply, though your voice cracked over the last word. 
“Oh, nena. I’m so sorry.” Mapi sighed. “Let's get you home, yeah?” 
“Okay.” You agreed, although you really weren’t looking forward to it. You wanted to go home, curl up into a ball and cry, by yourself. At the same time, you desperately wanted a hug from your sister. You were just completely convinced that she wouldn’t be willing to do that. 
-------
You walked into the house just behind Mapi, trying to take deep, steadying breaths. You were close to breaking down, and you didn’t really need to hear all the reasons that Ingrid had known this would happen. You didn’t need an ‘I told you so.’ 
Your sister was waiting for you in the entrance hall, pacing nervously, when you walked in. 
“Solstråle! What happened? Are you okay?” Ingrid asked as soon as you were through the door, ignoring Mapi’s look that was clearly telling her to be cool. 
“It’s fine, I’m fine. I want to be alone.” You said, pushing past her to head for the stairs. You heard Ingrid begin to go after you, but Mapi stopped her, telling her to give you a minute. 
-------
You collapsed onto your bed, Scout jumping up next to you like he thought it was a game. You just wished it would just swallow you up. It was only a few minutes later that you heard footsteps approaching your door, like you knew they would. A soft knock on your door interrupted your crying, and you hastily wiped at your eyes. “Yeah?”
Ingrid peaked her head in. “I know you said you want to be alone, but I just wanted to check…” she said, trailing off when she saw you valiantly fighting your tears. 
“I’m okay.” You mumbled, focusing on petting Scout, as opposed to looking at your sister. 
“Honey, you aren’t.” Ingrid sighed, moving in closer to take a seat on the edge of your bed. “You’re upset, that’s okay. You don’t need to be embarrassed.” 
“Well, I am. You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?” You asked bitingly, not really intending to snap so harshly at your sister, but not quite sure you felt like you could trust her at the moment. 
“No, sweetheart, that is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be wrong about her, solstråle, more than anything. I am so sorry things didn’t end well.” 
“You aren’t glad that you’re right?” You asked, astonished. It didn't really make sense to you; all of this could have been avoided if you’d just listened to your sister. How could she be sorry for you when you’d blatantly ignored her advice? 
Ingrid shook her head, her face painfully full of pity and sympathy. “No, not if it means that you’re hurting.” 
“Oh.” You weren’t quite sure what to do with that. You’d been prepared to deal with this yourself. To be completely honest, you didn’t really feel like you deserved Ingrid’s support. You’d been so stupid not to listen to her. This was all your fault, really, and Ingrid shouldn’t have to deal with implications of something that was ultimately your mistake. “I’m sorry, I should have listened.” You said quietly, looking down, refusing to make eye contact with your sister. 
“Don’t be sorry, solstråle.” Ingrid sighed. You looked so distraught, but you were leaning slightly away from your sister, like you were afraid to accept any comfort from her. Like suddenly, you weren’t sure you trusted her anymore. And though that hurt, Ingrid really couldn’t blame you. Not when the universe seemed so dead set on making you miserable. “What can I do?” 
“I just want to be alone.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around yourself, completely invalidating your statement. 
“No, you don’t. Look at me.” Ingrid instructed, waiting until you raised your head to look at her, very cautiously. “You’re allowed to be sad about this. No matter what happened, no matter what I said about her before. I never want to see you hurting. You don’t have to deal with this alone just because you made a mistake. Okay?” 
You held your sister’s gaze for a few moments, before you slowly nodded your head. “I really liked her.” You whispered after a minute, leaning almost imperceptibly towards your sister. 
“I know. Come here, honey,” Ingrid said, opening her arms for you to all but collapse into them. It was familiar, at this point, being held tightly in Ingrid’s arms. It never failed to make you feel better. And while Ingrid wished that things would just be easier for you, a very critical part of herself settled when you relaxed against her. The brunette was never quite sure she was doing a good enough job with you, but when you went to her when you were upset, allowed her to help you, even if it was rather hesitantly, it felt reassuring to her. It wasn’t full trust, but you were getting there. She must be doing something right if you were making progress. 
“What would make you feel better?” Ingrid asked after a minute, smiling to herself at how Scout had settled himself with half his upper body draped across your legs. 
“Nothing.” You replied pathetically. It wasn’t the first relationship you’d had, but it felt so much more significant than any of the others had. In just a few weeks, Camila had made herself one of the most important things in your life. You weren’t really sure how she managed it, but somehow, she’d gotten you to confess things you’d told very few people, learned more about you than many people did. And as soon as things had started to not go her way, she’d used all those things against you. It was the first time in a while that you’d really let yourself be fully vulnerable with someone, and it had backfired so horrifically. You were hurt, and you were embarrassed, but most of all, you were just sad. 
You thought this was going to be a turning point for you, but you didn’t realize you’d given Camila all of the ammunition she’d needed to make sure it was the biggest setback you’d face. Not until you were lying in your bed, wanting nothing more than to disappear. You’d been nothing to her. That was a familiar feeling, something that made every cell in your body squirm with anxiety. It was happening again. 
“What are you thinking?” Ingrid asked, interrupting your rapid stream of thoughts. 
“Is it me? Do I just… make people want to treat me badly?” You asked. It wasn’t the first time you’d considered it, but that particular fear had been dormant since everything had happened in the last few weeks. Since Ingrid and Mapi had made it clear that they wanted you here with them. It was confusing and completely contradictory, your brain couldn’t really make sense of it. Your sister and her girlfriend must just be the exception. 
“No.” Ingrid said firmly. “No. It isn’t you. You just have… bad luck. You make me and Mapi want to be better, Solstråle. Better for you, so that we can take care of you in the way that you deserve. You are good, Solstråle, and you deserve good, even when you don’t feel like it.” 
For some reason, Ingrid’s words brought tears to your eyes. Good tears. “Well, I can’t have all bad luck. I get to be here with you two, and I don’t know if I would still be…” you trailed off, trying to figure out what you wanted to say. “You both saved my life, I think. The two of you wanting me here, and taking me in, that’s good luck.” You managed, sitting up and shifting so you were facing your sister, who looked one word away from bursting into tears herself. 
“It’s not good luck, mi sol. It’s what you deserve. It’s what you should have had this whole time.” Mapi chimed in from the doorway, looking fondly at the two of you. Ingrid smiled at her in thanks, humming quietly in agreement with her girlfriend’s statement. The Spaniard wandered in closer, flopping onto the free space on your bed, causing a disgruntled Scout to shift, kicking Mapi lightly in the side. “That girl did not deserve you. And you’ll find someone who wants to treat you the way you deserve. You just can’t rush stuff like that, sí? It will come to you when it does.” 
It was potentially the most frustrating advice to receive, but it made you feel better nonetheless. 
“And she was kind of ugly.” Mapi said as an afterthought. 
“Mapi!” You laughed, smiling a real smile. Both girls’ faces lit up at the sight of the smile on your face, and both of them were desperate for you to keep smiling, for your face not to fall into the sad frown it had been in for the past hour. The conversation lulled, and Ingrid’s mind raced, trying to think of what people liked to do after breakups. She’d been with Mapi for so long, she wasn’t sure she remembered. 
“Do you want to lay in bed alone for the rest of your night, or do you want to watch a movie? Or we could go get ice cream. Or we could go shopping. Or on a run. Or-” Ingrid listed, only stopping when you cut her off. 
“Sister movie night sounds good.” You said softly, unable to express in that moment how much you appreciated how hard she was trying. You knew ingrid probably wanted to talk, to hear everything that had happened, but she was learning to respect that you really only liked to talk when you felt like it. Which wasn’t often. 
“Sister movie night, cool.” Ingrid said, trying to act like she wasn’t thrilled that you’d decided to be with her instead of requesting to be alone. “Go pick a movie, I’ll make popcorn.” 
You all dragged yourselves off your soft comforter, having grown rather comfortable, and headed for your bedroom door. 
“I’ll be in the garage.” Mapi said, smiling at both of you as she tried to wordlessly communicate that she knew you both wanted sister time, and it was okay that it didn’t include her. Both you and Ingrid froze, though, turning slightly to stare at her like she’d said something absurd. 
“Don’t be stupid.” You said, rolling your eyes. “‘Sister movie night’ obviously means ‘sister and her live-in girlfriend’ movie night.” 
Mapi looked a bit surprised, though she shouldn’t have been. There were very few times that you just wanted to be with Ingrid, and those times were becoming less and less frequent as you began to depend on Mapi more and more. “You want me to watch with you?” 
“Sí.” You said, almost exasperated. “Why wouldn’t I want you to hangout with us?”
“I just thought it was Engen sister time…” Mapi trailed off, looking uncharacteristically insecure.  
“Engen León family time.” Ingrid amended, looking at you for approval. You nodded. 
“Who else is going to talk the entire length of the film?” You asked, smirking and sprinting off down the stairs when Mapi gave you an offended look, Scout hot on your heels. 
------
The movie had been a good distraction, not that Mapi or Ingrid really paid much attention to it. Instead, they kept glancing over at where you were curled up on the couch. Scout had taken his place next to you, one of his legs stretching out every now and then to kick in Mapi’s direction. 
The conversation with them had obviously made you feel better, but they were still rather uneasy. You were acting completely normally, all of a sudden. And they didn’t buy it, not for a second. They weren’t sure what had happened, because you hadn’t said, but they knew that it wasn’t good. You’d been infatuated with Camila, and now you were reluctant to speak her name. Whatever had gone on had hurt you, deeply, but in the span of a few hours, you were acting like you were completely fine. 
To you, it just felt like there was no use in thinking about it anymore. Crying over what happened, being sad or angry with Camila wouldn’t help you. It wouldn’t make you feel better. You’d very logically taken stock of your emotions, before deciding that they were completely useless. You were fine. 
Well, maybe not, but you would be fine. Especially if you acted like nothing was wrong. Like you weren’t questioning every choice you’d made with Camila. Like you didn’t hate yourself. Emotions only had power if you gave it to them, you decided. Before, you might have been angry. Now, though, you just… forced it all off, far away. No feeling anything until it hurt less to think about what had happened. 
It seemed like a good plan to you, and you stuck to it. Even when you couldn’t fall asleep that night, your mind swirling with horrible thoughts as you tried to push them away. Eventually, you gave up, putting on a show and forcing yourself to focus on that, instead. 
It was obvious that you hadn’t slept the next morning, walking down to the kitchen like a zombie. Ingrid and Mapi were hoping you’d be a little more forthcoming with what had occurred today, but all hopes of that went out the window when you avoided eye contact with them, a hood pulled over your head, dark bags under your eyes. At least you there was no school, as you had the day off, but they had training, training they couldn’t miss. Neither of them felt very good about leaving you home alone, with no idea what was going on in your head. 
You were blankly shoveling cereal into your mouth when Ingrid got your attention. 
“Solstråle!” She said rather loudly. You jumped slightly, looking across the table at her in confusion. “I said your name 5 times. Did you not hear me?” 
Ingrid didn’t sound mad, just worried, and you felt your throat tighten. 
No. No. No tears. No sadness. That wouldn’t help. Self pity wouldn’t help. The only thing to do was to move forward. 
“Sorry. I’m just tired. Had coffee too late yesterday, couldn't sleep.” You mumbled, turning your attention back to the ceramic bowl in front of you. Your thoughts wandered, briefly, to the fact that since you’d moved in, there hadn’t been a single day where there wasn’t a box of your favorite cereal in the pantry. You really must have been feeling the complete lack of sleep, because that thought alone almost had you tearing up. 
“Come to training today. María is out on the grass, again, you can watch.” Ingrid suggested softly. 
You shook your head though, swallowing the lump in your throat. You didn’t want to be far from them, but you also knew that if they kept being so nice to you, you weren’t going to be able to keep it together. 
“I’m really tired, I just want to stay here.” You replied.  Ingrid looked like she wanted to argue, but Mapi nodded from where she stood at the fridge, filling her water.
“That’s okay. Stay here, have a chill day. We’ll be back after lunch.” She walked over to you, squeezing your shoulder kindly. The Spaniard said goodbye, before exiting the kitchen. Ingrid hung back, not really caring at all that she might make them late. 
Your sister stood from her spot at the table, and you mumbled a quiet goodbye, only looking up when she came to stand right next to you. Her hand pulled your hood down, her fingers tilting your chin up to look at her. Her face was pinched with concern, and you felt a pang of guilt that you were doing this again. Making them worry about you. 
“Try to sleep or something? You looked exhausted, sweetheart. No runs or hikes or climbs, please. Just stay here?” Ingrid asked, making sure to frame her request as a question, and not a command. 
“Okay.” You agreed, far too tired to even think about any of those things. You knew Ingrid just wanted you to stay where she knew you were, which was fine. You were honestly just surprised she hadn’t dragged you to training with her. 
She lightly patted your cheek, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Be good. I love you.” 
“Love you too. Play safe.” 
You were wide awake, completely wired. Even as everything inside of you told you that you should be tired, you felt like you might never sleep again. You kept your promise to your sister, though, collapsing onto the couch and putting a show on. Scout came to lay with you, falling asleep easily in your lap. You were jealous of your dog, you realized. It was an amusing thought, but all you felt was… Empty. Nothing. Because if you let yourself laugh, you were sure it would turn into sobs, and you couldn’t do that. 
You just had to be strong.
-------
You got into bed early that night, hoping that the added time laying down would help you fall asleep. You were so exhausted, truly, but as you laid in bed at 8pm, you knew instinctively that you wouldn’t be able to sleep again. Everytime you drifted off, your thoughts drifted too, and you’d jerk awake, struck with a reminder of what Camila had said. Her words were haunting you. Everytime you closed your eyes, you could see the sneer on her face as she spoke, and hear the cruel words she’d spoken. 
You were beginning to think she was right about you. How were you so screwed up after a relationship ended that had only lasted a few weeks to begin with? You thought you loved her, yes, but you were being dramatic. You shouldn’t be this devastated, and in your head, this only reinforced that idea that Camila had been right. You were too immature. You were too messed up. No one was ever going to want to deal with you. 
A soft knock on your door dragged you out of your thoughts, thankfully. 
“Come in,” you called. Mapi pushed the door open, taking in the rather unnaturally clean room around her. You’d gone crazy cleaning the night before, putting away all the clothes strewn across the floor. It was neat and clutter free in there now, and Mapi’s heart melted at the sight of the framed photo on your nightstand. It was of the three of you, a candid that Frido had taken after a match. It was little things like this that made Mapi deeply happy, and deeply sad all at once. For six months you’d lived here, and they’d given you the space they thought you needed. It was so far from what you actually needed, though, and Mapi couldn’t help the guilt that filled her at the thought. All she and Ingrid could do now, though, was do better. 
So, she entered your room, holding out a mug towards you. It was the one she’d picked out at Ikea, the one with the map and the sun. You knew for a fact that you’d used it this morning for your coffee, which meant Mapi must have pulled it out of the dishwasher and hand washed it herself, so she could bring it up to you. 
“I made you tea.” She said, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you grabbed the mug from her. 
“Did you think caffeine would help me sleep?” You asked skeptically. 
She rolled her eyes. “No, idiota, it is sleepytime tea. There’s no caffeine.” 
You took a cautious sip, smiling a bit when you liked the taste. 
“My mami always made it for me when I couldn’t sleep.” Mapi said quietly. “Thought it might help tonight since you decided to become nocturnal yesterday.” 
Ingrid and Mapi really toed the line of parent vs. sister / guardian. It was often a sisterly relationship, you thought, with both of them. When you would tease each other, or argue about borrowing their clothes. Other times, it felt completely parent-y. When they’d make you go to bed early, or annoy you about studying for a test. 
This situation definitely fell into the latter category, and you found that you minded it less and less. 
“It’s good.” You told her, taking another sip. “And I didn’t decide to become nocturnal. It just kind of happened.”
Mapi hummed, looking around the room again. You just had the string lights above your bed on, the room lit also by the soft glow of the TV, as your favorite sitcom played. You’d lit a candle, and you were bundled up under the covers of your bed, clearly trying hard to be comfortable. Clearly trying very hard to sleep. 
You looked so tired, it made her heart ache, and she knew Ingrid felt the same. Ingrid, who Mapi was absolutely sure was hovering outside the door, not wanting to overwhelm you. You seemed… fragile. Like you were one step away from breaking at any given moment, and neither of them wanted that to happen before you were ready. Ingrid was just as worried about you, though, and she’d only agreed not to go in if Mapi promised to make you promise something. 
“Can you promise to wake us up tonight if you can’t sleep?” Mapi said finally, looking intently at you. 
With a sigh, you shrugged. “What good would that do?”
“You wouldn’t have to be alone.” Mapi said simply, watching as a flicker of emotion flashed across your face. You didn’t have to be alone anymore. Sometimes you forgot. “If you don’t promise, Ingrid is probably going to come in here every hour or something and check on you.” 
With a roll of your eyes, and a big sigh that you didn’t really mean, you nodded. “Fine.” 
“Good.” Mapi grinned. “Goodnight, mi sol. Te quiero.” 
“Goodnight.” You replied. “Tell Ingrid in the hall goodnight too.” 
The Spaniard chuckled. “I will. Sleep tight.”
With that, she leaned down, pressing a kiss onto your forehead, before she slipped out of the room. Hushed whispers came from the hall and you smiled to yourself, just a bit. Ingrid was such a weirdo sometimes. 
-------
It was around 2am when you broke. You’d tried everything you could think of to fall asleep, and nothing had worked. Worse, the lack of sleep was really getting to you and you were feeling ridiculously emotional. When you promised Mapi you’d wake them up if you couldn’t sleep again, you hadn’t meant it. Now, though, as you lay awake in your bed, tears threatening to fall, you really didn’t want to be alone. You weren’t sure how they could help, or even if you wanted help, but you knew that the indisputably healthy choice to make here would be to go to them. And you were trying to be better for yourself. 
Even as Camila’s words rattled around in your head, and you were half convinced you were an awful person, about to become even worse by waking Ingrid and Mapi up, you got up from your bed, and walked down the hall. 
There were a lot of notable moments in your time in Spain. A lot of them consisted of long, emotional talks with Ingrid and Mapi. And you knew that this was likely what you were headed for. It was naive to think you could hold everything that had happened in, keep it all to yourself. Especially when you’d kind of gotten used to sharing things with them, as horrifying as that thought was. You weren’t nervous, like usual, though. You just wanted them to tell you that everything she’d said was wrong. 
Scout followed you down the hall, slightly annoyed that you’d woken him up when you got up. He liked to sleep with some part of him touching you, so it was inevitable that when you woke, Scout did too. Your sister’s bedroom door was open, and you peeked in, half second guessing yourself. Both of them were asleep. It was a cool night, by Barcelona’s standards, which was obvious by Mapi’s sweatshirt and sweatpants that she’d worn to bed, as well as the extra blanket pulled over her. Ingrid, on the other hand, had kicked the comforter off of her, sleeping in just a tshirt and shorts. They were laying facing each other, their hands tangled together, like they’d fallen asleep talking. 
They were sleeping. They’d had a long week. They had training the following day. You shouldn’t wake them. They looked comfortable and peaceful, and you shouldn’t ruin that. You turned to go back to your room, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying at how utterly alone you suddenly felt. 
You were sure you hadn’t made any noise, but still, a whispered voice stopped you in your tracks. 
“Solstråle?” Ingrid asked quietly, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What’s wrong?” 
“Nothing, go back to sleep.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady. It evidently didn’t work, because not a second later, Ingrid was flicking the lamp on, looking at you with a sympathetic expression on her face. Next to your sister, her girlfriend huffed in annoyance, still practically asleep, pulling the covers up and over her head. Ingrid rolled her eyes, before fixing her attention back on you.
“Come here.” Ingrid instructed, gesturing you closer to the bed. You walked over, feeling ridiculously like a small child waking their parents up after a bad dream. “You can’t sleep?”
“No.” You said miserably, roughly wiping away a stray tear. 
“How can I help? Do you want to talk?” She asked worriedly, brutally kicking Mapi in the shin as she did so, thinking that her girlfriend would be somewhat helpful in this situation, even if she was half asleep. The Spaniard grumbled unhappily, but emerged from under the covers just as you responded. 
“I don’t know, I just can’t stop thinking about her.” You whispered, truly not confident that anything could make you feel better in that moment. 
Mapi sat up, patting the middle of the bed invitingly. It was a king, and there was plenty of room, but you looked between her and Ingrid skeptically. 
“I’m not a child.” You said a bit harshly, thinking of Camila calling you immature. If only she could see you now. 
“We know. You just broke up with your girlfriend, though, and you haven’t slept in over a day. You are sad and exhausted, and it isn’t childish to need help.” Mapi said kindly, very dramatically scooching over so there was more room for you. 
You floundered for a minute, not quite sure what to do. You were an adult. An adult. And Ingrid and Mapi were not your parents. The appeal was there, though, to climb into the bed and tell them everything. To let yourself break when you knew they’d keep track of all the pieces, and put you back together. “Can I have more tea?” You blurted out, looking at Mapi. You weren’t really sure where that came from, but she nodded enthusiastically, rising from the bed, practically taking off for the kitchen in a sprint. 
“I’ll go make some!” 
You turned back to Ingrid, chewing aggressively on your lip. She rolled her eyes at you, teasingly, before she pointendly looked between you and the bed. 
“Get in the damn bed.” Ingrid sighed. It was easier, when she was telling you exactly what to do, because you didn’t have to worry about picking the wrong answer. You settled on the bed, right in the middle, and Ingrid threw an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to lean your head on her shoulder. 
“Ingrid?” You said after a minute, so quietly, your sister almost missed it. 
“Hmm?” 
“Do you think I’m immature?” You asked. 
Ingrid thought for a moment. “No. I think you’ve had to grow up really fast, and you’ve had to make a lot of big adjustments. You are more mature because of all of that. Why?”
You knew she would hate what you were going to say. “Camila said I was.” 
Ingrid grew tense next to you. “That’s because she was a 26 year old woman dating an 18 year old. What was she fucking expecting?” Ingrid said venomously. 
Mapi walked back into the room, taking care to be quiet, as it looked like you were deep in thought. She placed the mug of tea on her nightstand before she sat on the bed next to you, turning so she could see your face.
“Did she say anything else?” Ingrid asked cautiously. 
You opened your mouth to tell her that, no, Camila hadn’t said anything else. Instead, words flowed out of your mouth that you hadn’t decided to say, but you were unable to contain them. “She called me jealous and immature. She said the ‘mommy issues’ were really obvious, that I was insecure and clingy, and that I wasn’t worth it. That no one would want to put up with me.” 
You said it so forlornly, so resigned to what this awful woman had told you, Ingrid felt an anger she’d never experienced before rise within her. Neither she nor Mapi knew what to say right away, collecting their thoughts. You broke the silence again, though, after only a few seconds. 
“I think she’s right.” You said, your voice breaking clearly. You pressed your hands to your face, body shaking with silent sobs. 
“No, mi sol, no,” Mapi said softly, scooting closer to rest a hand on your knee. 
Ingrid took a breath, trying to swallow her anger, rubbing your arm with her hand comfortingly. “Solstråle, you are none of those things. That awful woman has no idea who you are, not really. You are not immature, you are 18. There is a huge difference. And you are so much more than what happened with mom. You are so many good things despite mom, sweetheart, and Camila doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She just wanted to hurt you, none of that is true.” Ingrid said insistently. 
“Why would she want to hurt me? I thought she liked me. I don’t understand.” You replied, still keeping your face hidden away in your hands. 
“Because she isn’t a good person, and she doesn’t deserve you. And you don’t understand because you are good, mi sol. So good.” 
“Then why do such horrible things keep happening?” You asked, voice raised slightly in frustration. You pulled your hands away from your face, looking between your sister and her girlfriend with a tearstained, bewildered face. “I’m trying to be good, I’m trying so hard, why is this so hard?”
Both girls felt their hearts break a little at your words. Ingrid wrapped both her arms around you, pulling you into her chest as you cried. “I know, Solstråle, it’s not fair. It’s going to get better. I promise you, it is.”
“I’m tired of everything being so hard.” You cried, shutting your eyes tightly as you spoke. You felt a soft hand brushing your hair away from your forehead, felt Ingrid leave a kiss on your forehead. “I’m tired.”
You meant it figuratively, and literally, and Mapi and Ingrid knew that very well. The best thing they could do for you now, would be to get you calm enough to sleep. It was happening without them trying very hard, honestly. You could barely keep your eyes open, even as soft sobs fell from your mouth. 
“It’s not going to be hard forever. I promise you, mi sol.” Mapi said, looking intently at you, though you didn’t look back at her. 
“I’m so tired.” You repeated, barely making sense. You were almost delirious with exhaustion, your emotional outburst only making it worse. 
“Sleep, solstråle. We are right here. Everything will feel better in the morning. You aren’t going to feel like this forever. Just relax, and sleep. We love you so much.” 
And even as you nodded, all the fight and worry of being too much for them flooding from your body, you wondered if they were right. If everything would feel better. 
If anyone would ever really want you. 
You drifted off ridiculously easily, curled up next to your sister, your brain going quiet for the first time in days. Once Ingrid was sure you were asleep, she turned to her girlfriend, who was tucking the blankets around you nice and tight. 
“I am going to kill that girl.” Ingrid murmured, feeling absurdly protective over you. 
“I will kill her first.” Mapi vowed. 
“She isn’t allowed to date again until she’s 50.” Ingrid said, a frown etched on her face. 
Mapi cracked a smile. “Good luck with that, mi amor.” 
Ingrid shook her head. “I can’t stand to see her like this.” 
The Spaniard turned serious again, nodding her agreement. “It’s gonna get better, Ingrid. It’s not going to be perfect, but she’s already better. She just needs time.” 
“I wish I could take it from her, so she could just be happy all the time.” Ingrid admitted, flicking the lamp off, her voice barely more than a whisper. 
“I do too.” Mapi whispered back. She and Ingrid looked at each other over your slumbering form, each seeing their exact feelings reflected in the other’s face, even with their features obscured by darkness. They just wanted things to be better for you. Easier and lighter and happier. They’d do anything, get you the moon if you wanted it. They didn’t consider if they were giving you all they could, that maybe you needed something else. They just promised themselves that they wouldn’t rest until you were happier, whatever it took. Whatever it took for you, because you were their sol, and nothing on earth was more important to them than your happiness. 
-------
my name is girlgenius1111 and i like to make my fictional kid suffer give me all your thoughts on this installment of sol ☀️
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The Lemon & The Apple (The Surprise, Part 7)
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Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, NSFW, sex, fingering, strap-on, oral, some explicit language, pregnancy times. established relationship, fluff, smut (let me know if I missed anything!) Word Count: 2.3k
Summary: Baby names, cravings, and more in the next few weeks of your pregnancy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Morning sickness might be gone, but so is Emily, often. She's out on a case and the second trimester has your sex drive higher than ever.
Week 14: The Lemon
Emily walked out of Quantico and into the fluorescent-lit parking lot, holding her phone to her ear as she waited for you to pick up.
“Hi, lovely,” you answered, your voice bright. You were generally happy these days, having left morning sickness behind in the first trimester.
“Hey,” she said, smiling. “I’m just now leaving the office. Have you eaten?”
“No.”
“Want me to bring you something?” she asked, plugging her phone in as she drove off, your voice filling the car.
“Yeah, I could eat,” you replied sarcastically. You could always eat right now. In fact, you had a hard time eating enough.
“What do you want?” Emily already knew the answer. These days, you wanted the same thing. Every day. Even multiple times a day. To the point that the restaurant owners knew you.
The line was quiet.
“Y/N,” Emily prompted.
“Umm…” You stalled. You knew pregnancy cravings were no joke, but it still embarrassed you a bit to be this obsessed. Emily had to be getting tired of El Rinconcito. This would be your fourth time going this week. And it was only Wednesday.
Emily smiled, knowing you were trying to be considerate of what she wanted. “You want pupusas, don’t you?”
“Yes," you admitted, a little guilty. “But we don’t have to. We can get something else if you want.”
“Ah!” Emily tutted. “Stop that. You’re my wife. You’re pregnant. You want pupusas, then that's what you'll get.”
You smiled to yourself. Emily was so good at spoiling you. “Thank you, love.”
“Same as usual?”
“Yep.”
“Alright. I love you. I’ll see you in a bit.”
When Emily walked through the door at El Rinconcito, the owner, Ernesto, threw up his hands in greeting.
“Mrs. FBI!” he called. “The usual for your beautiful wife?”
Normally, Emily hated to be called Mrs. anything, but she found Ernesto’s nickname endearing. You came in multiple times a week, and you often talked about Emily, almost always referring to her as “my wife, she’s an FBI agent.” So when Ernesto called her Mrs. FBI, what Emily heard was that you talked about her constantly; it was a nice reminder that you were crazy about her, always thinking about her. So, for you? She’d be Mrs. FBI.
“Yeah, thanks, Ernesto,” she said, sighing and leaning on the counter. “All the pupusas.”
“And for you?”
Emily flipped through a menu without really looking at anything. She’d eaten so much Salvadoran food in the last few weeks. She was starting to get tired of it. “Honestly? Anything I haven’t had yet. Surprise me.”
Half an hour later, Emily was walking through the door with a plastic bag of takeout, grinning as you stood on tiptoes to kiss her on the cheek, snatching the food from her hand.
“God, I’m starving,” you groaned, flopping onto the couch and pulling out a pupusa, moaning as you took a bite.
Emily pulled out her own food–a container of some kind of heavenly-smelling soup–and sat next to you, watching you devour the pupusa.
“I think you’re more in love with pupusas than me right now,” she joked.
“Mmhm,” you mumbled through a bite. “Look out, I might leave you for Ernesto.”
Emily was quiet for a moment as you both ate before venturing, “I’ve been thinking about names.”
“You have?” You absentmindedly placed a hand on your stomach, which flipped in excitement.
Emily looked almost scared, like she was genuinely afraid to raise the subject. She bit at her fingernails, and you took her hand to stop her.
“What are you thinking?” you prompted, trying to put her at ease.
“I was wondering if… I mean, if you’re okay with it…” She stumbled over her words, which was so rare for Emily.
You rubbed your thumb across her hand. “Em, you’re fine. Just say it.”
She avoided your eyes, her voice quiet. “I thought maybe, if you liked it, we could name him after my grandfather.
You felt your heart soften as you watched her. “The one whose cabin we stay at in France?”
“Yeah.”
“Julien?”
“Yeah…”
You smiled at her, still holding her hand. “I don’t know, Em, I was pretty set on another name,” you teased.
It was almost more than you could take when her face fell, but the joke was too good not to land.
“Oh, really?” she said, her voice low and sad.
“Mmhm,” you continued, taking another bite of pupusa. “I was thinking Ernesto.”
She glared at you, trying and failing to fight off a smile as you burst out laughing.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” you said, reaching forward to run your thumb along her cheekbone. “Babe, I love Julien. He’ll be Julien. If it’s a boy.”
“Ugh, not this again,” she complained, but you knew she was teasing. You both had grown to love your faux-feud over the baby’s gender. There was no question that the baby would be loved, perfectly and wholly, regardless of their gender at birth or their gender later on. But you both enjoyed a bit of competition and, god, you knew Emily’s correct “profiling” of the fetus would go straight to her head if the little lemon turned out to be a boy.
“So do I get to pick the name if it’s a girl?” you asked, smirking, your eyebrows raised.
“Did you have one in mind?”
“Maybe Eve? After my mom? It’s her middle name.”
She smiled softly, watching you pile the takeout trash into the plastic bag. “Yeah, I like that. But he’s a boy, so…”
You rolled your eyes, but stretched out on the couch, laying your head in Emily’s lap so that you were looking right up at her. There was so much love in her eyes when she looked at you, it took your breath away. She gave you butterflies. Nearly six years in and you still got butterflies when she looked at you like that.
“Play with my hair?” you asked, and she started running her fingers through. God, she could put you to sleep like that. You closed your eyes and sighed contentedly. “So Julien if it’s a boy, Eve if it’s a girl.”
“Mmhm,” she said, watching you in her lap. She loved the feeling of you there, the weight of you, the knowing that you felt safe and loved and comfortable. She loved making you feel that way. It was an honor, a privilege, a gift that you loved her like that. That you let her love you like that.
“So Julien it is, then.” Emily smirked, watching you frown.
You smacked her arm playfully, keeping your eyes closed. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“I know.”
But, really, it was you who were lucky to love her.
Week 15: The Apple
Another week, another long case for Emily. She’d been somewhere in Oklahoma for nearly ten days. It wasn’t the longest she’d ever been in the field, but it was close. And it likely felt longer than normal because you were pregnant and hungry and no longer had an Emily to run out and get food for you at any hour of the day or night.
After months of feeling disgusting and exhausted, your sex drive was also back in full force. What a time for Emily to be gone. Just when you needed her. Really needed her. You hadn’t heard from her in about 24 hours, which would concern you except that you had her location on your phone. You spent many an evening with your Find My app open, watching both the TV and the little dot that was your wife making her way around various cities. Mostly, you just wanted to be sure she was moving. And that she wasn’t at a hospital.
But the dot hadn’t updated in a few hours tonight. Still not necessarily cause for alarm, but you made a mental note to call Emily later and make sure she was okay. As for now, you sprawled on the couch, eating a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese (Spongebob shapes only) straight out of the saucepan, while reruns of New Girl played.
You sat up quickly when you heard the apartment door open and shut, a smile lighting up your face when you saw it was Emily.
“You’re home!” you called, meaning to leap off the couch but struggling–you still weren’t used to the added weight or the way your now-protruding stomach knocked you off balance. When you finally got to your feet, Emily was standing at a distance, just staring at you, her cheeks flushed, eyes bright and soft.
“What?” you said, reddening under her gaze.
“You’re showing,” she said, her voice rough, like she might cry. She moved closer and placed her hands on your waist so that her thumbs brushed over your belly.
You felt your skin shiver under her touch, your body already longing for hers. You put your hands on the back of her neck and pulled her down into a kiss. A heavy kiss, a hungry kiss, a kiss that set you on fire. Heated and heady and frantic.
You slid your hands under her shirt, pressing your fingers into the soft skin of her abdomen. When she pulled away, your breath was ragged, your face flushed. You whined, pulling at her collar.
She smirked at you. “I take it you missed me.” She grasped your face in both hands, her thumbs grazing back and forth against your jawline. You huffed, nearly dizzy with desire for her, as she pressed her lips to your eyelids, your chin, your cheekbone, then back to your mouth. You felt drunk on her. She pushed her tongue into your mouth, and you moaned, leaning your body into hers.
You were so dazed you couldn’t even bring yourself to open your eyes when she pulled back again, running her fingers along the bottom of your lip.
“Emily,” you said breathlessly.
“Hmm?”
“I want you to fuck me.”
She silently led you to the bedroom and laid you down on the bed, her hands all over you as she removed your sports bra and pulled down your shorts. She lowered herself on top of you, and you moaned as she ran her tongue down your neck.
“How do you want it?” she asked, swirling over first one nipple and then the other.
You arched your back and gasped. “Strap,” you said, your thighs already glistening. You wouldn't need any warming up tonight.
Emily furrowed her eyebrows and sat up, thinking. You looked up at her expectantly. “Hey.”
“Is it safe?”
“What?!”
“The strap,” she said, placing careful hands where your stomach protruded. “He’s getting bigger. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“You can’t be serious.” You groaned, shoving her off of you, and rolling over to rummage through her nightstand, emerging with your favorite dildo and her harness. You tossed them at her impatiently. “Em. You speak six languages. You’re one of the smartest people I know. You cannot be this dumb.”
Emily still looked hesitant as she strapped up, watching you with concern. “You’re sure?”
“Emily,” you chastised. “It’s big but it’s not that big. Come here.”
You grabbed her wrist and jerked her toward you, shoving her hand between your legs so she could feel how aroused you were, feel the slick coating your thighs and your center.
She exhaled breathily, shuddering above you. “Shit,” she hissed, unable to resist running her fingers through your folds.
You bucked your hips toward her, nearly incoherent with want.
“Please,” you begged. “I need you.”
And with that, Emily could resist no longer. She crashed her body into yours, her mouth and hands roaming all over you–your mouth, your face, your chest, your stomach. You cried out as she eased her fingers into you, collecting your arousal to coat her strap.
You squirmed as she teased your entrance with the tip of the strap. “Emily,” you whined.
“Shh,” she said, and you gasped as she pushed herself inside of you. Your chest heaved as you adjusted to the feeling of being filled, and she leaned down to press a kiss to the side of your head. “I got you,” she whispered, breath hot in your ear as she started to thrust.
Your body quaked and pulsed around her as she moved deeper, burying herself inside of you, your chests pressed together. Her eyelids fluttered and she trembled, her breath hitching.
You got tired of waiting for her to move, eager for the pleasure of her pressing against your walls, the way she hit every single spot perfectly until it drove you wild. You grabbed at her hips and pulled her into you.
She didn’t need any more encouragement, snapping her hips to reach as far back into you as she could. You quivered around her as she moved, pulling for more, more, more.
You were desperate for her, high on the feeling of her inside you, the taste of the sweat that dripped from her collarbone, the way her eyes burned into you then rolled back when a wave of pleasure hit her.
You felt your body winding up for release and chased it, chased it harder than perhaps you ever had, your back arched so high seeking her out that she had to hold your hips down. Unable or unwilling to wait any longer, you reached down to circle your clit with your thumb, moaning as you tensed.
Emily grabbed your hand and held it above your head. You whimpered. “Shh,” she said again, pressing her mouth into yours so deeply that you lost your breath. “Let me.”
She kept thrusting, kept hitting that spot she knew would drive you nearly over the edge, until you were nearly begging for it.
“Emily, please,” you gasped.
Finally, finally, she pressed her thumb to your clit–and that was all it took. You exploded, clenching rhythmically around her as you threw your head back. She swallowed your moans with her lips, fucking you through your orgasm and bringing you back down as you jerked and then fell limp against the bedsheets, spent and flushed red.
You breathed heavily, still shaking as Emily pulled out of you. She placed a kiss on your overstimulated clit and you groaned, pulling her mouth to yours. Emily smiled at you, brushing a sweaty strand of hair out of your face.
“Jesus, Em,” you breathed. “I don’t think I’ve ever come harder.”
“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you hornier,” she chuckled, kissing your head and cheek, then laying next to you, and pulling you in, her hands once again caressing the rise of your stomach.
You blushed. “It’s the hormones.”
“Well, I’m certainly not complaining,” she said, smiling, placing another small kiss on the tip of your nose.
You scrunched and grinned. Emily resumed staring at you, and she looked almost sad.
“You okay?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbow and placing a gentle hand on her cheek.
“You’re just so beautiful. I mean, you’re always beautiful, but…” She looked down at your stomach, then pulled you into her so you could rest your head on her chest and she could run her fingers up and down your spine. She sighed. “I just really love you.”
You stared into her eyes, running your tongue along the inside of your bottom lip. “Keep that up, you’ll have to fuck me again.”
She grinned at you, smug, and held your face gently as she kissed you. “You’re beautiful,” she said again. “So beautiful. And your body.” She groaned. "I love your body."
“You do?” you cheesed.
“You do things to me,” Emily finished, pushing her tongue through your lips.
Your body started tingling again, and you grabbed at her waist, pulling her into you. “God,” you breathed. “It’s gonna be a long night.”
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theshadowrealmitself · 9 months
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Still thinking about Spiderpeople (and people connected to those Spiderpeople) from the universes where it seems an awful lot like they’re the only heroes landing in a universe where it’s one of the Spiderpeople who’s surrounded by other heroes like the Avengers and the Fantastic 4, etc
And obviously because of this they’re gonna be extra careful about secret identities because of all the extra heroes who aren’t Spidey hanging around, and I’m just thinking about the Prowler (Aaron) trying to figure out if he’s alive or even existing in this universe while trying not to give away too much so he’s just like “who’s the coolest bald man you know?”
And Spidey’s like “oh!! I know exactly who you want!! follow me!!”
He brings them to Nick Fury.
Later on they run into what’s obviously a variant of Miles, who the other Spidey of that universe didn’t bring up because Miles isn’t known as “Spiderman” in that universe (maybe it’s like “arachnikid,” or it’s Prowler!Miles, or maybe he’s just going through a phase where he’s trying out a new hero name each week, etc)
So Aaron’s like “oh great, I can definitely ask him, but again I gotta be discrete because of all these extra heroes around” so he asks him in the exact same way he asked the other Spidey (“who’s the coolest bald man you know?”)
Miles also brings them to Nick Fury.
(Yes his uncle is still alive, yes the other Aaron is absolutely gonna tell on him)
Also! Because there’s so much emphasis on the other heroes handling “big stuff”, I like to imagine they all keep trying to insert themselves into the situation because it’s a multiverse situation which falls under “their jurisdiction” and Spidey’s just like “??? they’re all Spiderpeople tho, this is my thing, go away, shoo”
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neopuppy · 3 months
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I’m Here To Save You (M)
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pairing. alpha johnny x female omega reader
genre. traditional a/b/o AU, friends to lovers, mild angst, fluff, pwp, m/f, one shot
warnings. profanity, alpha/omega dynamics, mating ceremony, pack head Alpha Johnny, size difference, use of Alpha voice, dominant but soft Johnny. smut warnings under cut. minors DNI.
wc. 15k
now playing. pied piper//bts
smut warnings. unprotected rough sex, public sex- with audience, biting, breeding, knotting, etc
a/n. I am aware of Johnny’s actual tattoos, in case it needs to be said. my apologies for the floof🫤😑
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
By now you’d wish to have gotten the hang of climbing up a tree.
Hissing between your teeth as you pick at splinters cutting through your palm, you lean back into a more comfortable position against a large branch just in time to catch a glimpse of the group of Alphas marching out of the village for a hunt. It’d be another week condemned to the stables cleaning horse shit if any of them were to find you this deep in the woods again. 
For the most part you’ve managed to sneak around unnoticed, only catching the attention of a few elders who realized you’d been missing most of the day as you passed by and smiled inconspicuously.
Sometimes you just need to be alone, get away from the pack’s rules and hierarchy, all the duties and mundane tasks implemented. Even if your motive to distance yourself these days has less to do with wanting to be alone and more with needing to get away from a certain somebody that can’t seem to leave you alone.
“You know,” a familiar voice cuts through the trees. Long legs and thick brown hair with golden bits emerging before you can see his face in the light. “The day my father finds you out here this far from the pack, I won’t have any way to protect your ass from the punishment you’ll undoubtedly face.”
“He hasn’t caught me.” You respond, sneering down at your friend arching his neck back with a hand over his eyes to shield the sun and squint up at you. 
“Yet.” He states, snapping his fingers toward you with his free hand. “Get down from there.”
“No.”
“It’s not safe!” He hisses, peering back over his shoulder to ensure the Alphas have made it past the clearing already. “For someone like you to be up there.”
“Someone like me?” You spit, ripping a small tree branch free to hurl at his face. “What the hell is that supposed to mean!”
He sighs, stepping back to dodge your weak attempt to hurt him. “Don’t make me come up there.”
“Go away.”
“No.” Setting his hands on his hips he motions toward the lake with his head. “Let’s go swimming, it’s a nice day and with the Alphas gone it’s pretty empty.”
“Don’t want to.” You sigh, leaning back on the thick part of the tree. 
“Please? I already lied to Jaehyun to get out of hanging out with him today.” Reaching for the satchel laid on his hip, he pulls out a bottle antiseptic. “Bet your hands are really beat from scaling this ancient tree too. Come on, don’t make me beg to hang out with my best friend.”
Jaehyun’s your best friend. You want to snap back at him, huffing and frowning as you pick at a small splinter. 
“The waters perfect right now..” 
“Beg.” You say, peering down with a smile.
He chuckles, head shaking, pressing his hands against the tree. “Yeah? Should I get on my knees and cry? Would that make you come down?”
“Perhaps..”
“I said—“ with gritted teeth he grips onto the trunk of the tree firmly and shakes, adding kicks in-between. “Get down from there!”
“Johnny!” He’s stronger than you’d think from his gangly appearance, at least able to shake your position enough to clutch onto a large branch and curse as more bits of wood cut through your palm. “Stop it!”
“Are you coming down?!”
“Fine! You stupid neanderthal!”
“Nice one.” Catching his breath he moves back enough to grant you space to come down, reaching for your waist once you��re close enough to the ground. “I seriously hate when you sneak off without telling anyone.”
“It’s not a big deal.” You heave out of breath, swatting his hands away. Johnny’s persistent, grabbing a hold of your wrists and spinning you around to face him. 
“‘No.” He mutters, tsking under his breath. “It’s a huge deal. Goddess look at your hands.” A frown takes over his features, kneeling down to empty his bag in search of tweezers. “I only carry these around because of you.”
“I’m fine.” You scoff, ignoring the sting shooting through your hands. “I’ll wash them out in the water.”
“And risk infection?” Standing back up, he grabs onto your wrist again, turning your palm to face him. “Have your mother blame me for allowing you to ruin your delicate soft skin?”
“And who’s to say I need your permission to do anything?” You scowl, attempting to free your hand from his grip that only tightens.
“You know she expects me to look out for you.” Ignoring your petulance, he raises your hand up to carefully dissect a splinter from your middle finger, gentle with each movement to not make this hurt more than it has to. “As future head Alpha I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Yeah yeah yeah.” You snort sarcastically, rolling your eyes to avoid looking at the taller. “Pack Alpha this and that.”
“Right.” Johnny nods, dabbing a cloth drenched with antiseptic after each splinter removal. “This hatred towards Alphas, how exactly will that work and play out after I’ve presented?”
“Won’t matter.” You shrug, foregoing your struggle to allow him to bandage your palm up. 
“And why’s that?”
“My mother’s a Beta, my father’s an Alpha.” You say as if that’s enough of an answer.
Johnny’s gaze raises to yours, biting down on his lip. “Mmm.. right.” 
Squinting back at him, you shove his shoulder, nodding in the direction of the lake. “Let’s go before it gets too late.”
Too late, not referring to sundown but to the real reason you’ve journeyed out to the woods more and more these days. It’s around the corner, ready to rear its ugly head and ruin the one friendship you can always count on. Ruin the genuine care and love that’s formed between the two of you over the years.
“Loser has to clean out the pups dirty diaper can this week!” He shouts, running past you toward the lake.
“Johnny!” You whine, losing your breath to chase after him and grab onto the back of his shirt. “That’s not fair!”
“Hey!” He growls playfully, spinning around to grip around your waist as you tug on his collar and stretch the material out. “Let go!”
“You’re a cheater!” You hiss, aiming for his chest to punch lightly. “Be fair!” 
“Fine.” He laughs, releasing you to drop his satchel and tug his shirt off. “3 laps.” Pointing from one end of the lake to the other he motions between the two of you, knowing you can kick his ass at swimming anyday. “Me and you.”
“Deal.” Shoving down your hoodie and shorts, you barrel into his side and run past him to cannonball onto the water first. “Loser!”
“Hey!” Johnny jumps out of his shorts, pouncing in after you, arms paddling rapidly to race after you. “What’s fair about this!”
“Me winning!” 
You’re out of breath by the time you finish the last lap and bend over belly flat onto the rocks lining the lake. Johnny stops next to you shortly after, resting on his forearms as he mimics your position and swallows down air. 
“Hey, I’m getting better at this.” He says breathlessly, stomach sucking in and out. 
“Only because you’ve had an insane growth spurt..” you mumble, bracing your arms to shove out of the lake and move to the dry patch of grass nearby. 
He takes a few more minutes to bask in the sun, skin glistening with golden rays streaming across his back and shoulders. The hours spent outside during summer really brightened up his complexion, painting his hair with light brassy  streaks. It’s the same every year, as if the sun wants to be around him at all times, melting into his skin and soft brown eyes as he lifts his head and stretches.
“Yeah, dad measured me the other day.” He responds after a while, lifting his long torso to push up and out of the water and plop down by your side. “Grew another two inches..”
“Yeah, I can tell..” you mumble, looking away and rubbing at your arms. 
“So, why don’t we ever talk about it?” He says quietly, picking at shards of grass by his hip. “He thinks I’ll present soon, like.. really soon.”
Instead of opening the door to what a conversation like this can lead to, you shrug and roll your neck back to crack. “Let’s head back before it starts getting dark.”
Johnny lets out a tired sigh, teeth gritted as he stands up and follows after you, grabbing your elbow. “Don’t be like this.”
“Like what?”
He’s silent for a moment, head tilted and analyzing your lack of expression before letting you go. “It could be years until we see eachot—“
“I don’t care, okay? Drop it.”
“How could you not care?!” He asks, eyes wild and bewildered. “Do you not care about me??”
“Of course I care about you!” You shout, tearing your arm away from him. “But this is inevitable, it’s your destiny!”
“And you?” He’s quick to cut you off, stepping closer. “What about you? Are you a part of that destiny? Because right now I really feel like you’re trying to push me away and forget my existence.”
If only it was that easy.
“There’s nothing more to be said Johnny.” 
His gaze lowers seemingly disappointed, softly nodding, biting his bottom lip before a tremble can pass through. “Can I say something?”
No. Please don’t. Don’t make this harder on me than it already is.
“Fine.”
“Take care of yourself, for my sake? And please, stay close to the pack. Try to have some guilt in your conscience that your best friend can’t get a proper night of sleep while worrying about you running into a feral rogue or breaking a leg out there without anyone to find you.”
“Can you tell my friend that I’m not helpless and can very well fend for myself?” You retort, turning and stomping away back to the trail leading toward your pack's land. 
Johnny huffs, shaking his head and gathering the clothes you both discarded, clutching your hoodie for a minute in thought. There’s barely a scent on it, a hint of your mother and father’s lingering, really nothing more than a light memory of the times he’s walked you back to your cabin. If not for the nice weather today he’d chase after you and tackle you down until you cover up, staggering behind instead to stuff your sweater up to his nose.
He shouldn’t, not even allowed to innocently scent you let alone do anything like this. His father would be so disappointed with him, always lecturing him about befriending a girl like you. Very stubborn and unruly, always disobeying the pack Omegas that only want what’s best for you.
But this could be his last chance to savor something from you for some time, because he’d never ask you to scent.. as if you’d ever let him. The smell left behind is barely enough to taste, most of the scent belonging to your Alpha father, smokey and musk. Relaxing against a tree trunk he sighs, clutching the material to his chest solemnly. As stubborn as you may be, he can’t help to think you’re hurting more than you’re willing to show. 
You’d always been resilient toward him, avoiding him even after the first encounter you’d ever had. 
The pack Alphas son that everyone admires and adores, all except you.
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
“Where’s Johnny?” You ask sheepishly, staggering nearby the head Alphas cabin too chicken to actually knock on the door for an answer. Things hadn’t ended on the best note yesterday, and typically by now your friend would have sought you out, probably dragged you to the canteen for a snack since you slept through breakfast again.
“What do you mean?” Jaehyun snickers, passing by with bags full of manure on his way to the stables. “You didn’t hear?”
“Hear what?” You ask, mildly panicked.
Jaehyun scoffs quietly, glancing around cautiously for head Alphas presence. “He presented.”
“What?!” 
“Shh!” He hisses, grabbing your arm to drag you along with him and out of the pack leaders' close proximity. “How could you not know?! Last night, head Omega had to stay with the elders because Johnny’s rut hit.”
“Rut.. meaning—he’s..”
“Oh come on.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, flicking your chin.” “You always knew, don’t you remember the first time we met?”
Of course you remember.
When you’re five years old, you get dropped off at the learning center for the first time. It’s not much, depending on the amount of Omegas vs Alphas amongst your pack. No more than 30 pups ranging in elementary age running around screaming.
That’s when you meet Jaehyun of the Jung lineage. He’s the first boy to ever make fun of you. Stuck to share a desk with him based on the proximity of your last names. Jaehyun prods your cheek with the end of his pencil. Asking you why they’re so round, adding a jab by showing off the deep indents on his own. 
He follows you out to the field when the lead Omega instructor dismisses you for break. Skipping along your side boasting about how he’s already begun learning archery. 
“My dads one of the strongest Alphas the pack has!” He gloats. Drawing an arm back to shoot an invisible arrow toward the forest that surrounds your village. “Says I’ll be just like him someday, better even!”
Squinting at him, you nod, lacking the same enthusiasm he has. Opting to search for a toy to occupy your free time, you browse through the crates piled together outside. A yo-yo could be fun, once you untangle the string another pup had evidently left to be discarded.
“Hey!” Jaehyun smacks the toy out of your hold. Pouting like a petulant upset baby. “Are you even listening to me?”
“Why did you do that?” A taller boy interrupts the two of you. Bending down to grab the yo-yo that’s rolled away, hitting the toe of his sneaker. He lifts it up with a bit of inspection, beginning to unravel the string. 
“..oh..Johnny..” Jaehyun stammers. His once bratty tone falling into a hushed one lacking confidence. “I was just messing around.”
Johnny, as Jaehyun calls him, concentrates on straightening out the toys string. Winding it up with ease and gesturing for you to take it once he’s finished.
“Should be all good to use now.” He smiles brightly. Having to lean his neck down as he looks over your lost expression. With the corners of his lips dropping to a pronounced frown, he blares Jaehyun with a cold stare. “Don’t do that again okay? No future strong Alpha of our pack would behave in such a manner.”
Flitting you with a rushed look, he turns away. Meeting up with a few other pups who seemed closer to his age. Jaehyun grumbles at your side, crossing his arms over his chest. His small foot lifting to a stomp for added dramatics.
“Great, now he’s going to snitch on me to the Head Alpha. I wasn’t even doing anything bad!” Jaehyun cries out. Sucking on his bottom lip in thought. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Nodding quietly, you loop the yo-yo’s thread around your index finger. Having to tighten it from where Johnny had left it. 
Jaehyun continues to follow you around, quite talkative for a pup. Too talkative in comparison to you. Directing you to walk in any direction that wouldn’t bring you any closer to the boy that had clearly left him shook up. 
“Do you know him?” You wonder. Glancing to where Johnny spikes a volleyball high above a net setup. The opposition weakened by a powerful collision meeting his chest. 
“Pft, of course!” Jaehyun gawks, fitting you with widened eyes. “That’s Head Alpha’s firstborn son! You can’t be serious right? He’s most likely to lead our pack some day.”
The yo-yo zips up with speed, caught in your grip tightly, mewling over Jaehyun’s explanation. Cheers to your left pull you to catch sight of the pup who had helped you. Hoisted up off his feet by a group of others who cheered from a victorious outcome of whatever game they had been playing.
Johnny was destined to be an Alpha. 
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to hear the news that your best friend finally presented. If anything, you’re disappointed. You’d been too mean yesterday.. really for the last few weeks as if you could sense it coming. 
“Since he’s presented, I’m sure we’ll be going next.” Jaehyun interrupts your inner turmoil, rubbing his chin. “Can feel my Alpha ready to break free any minute now.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, typically it’s somewhat of a domino effect. One Alpha presents and suddenly a slew of Omegas appear.. which triggers our Alphas.” He explains as if you’re clueless.
“Not that. I mean, I’m not going anywhere. Except to help in the kitchens along with the rest of the Betas.” You say surely, waving an arm out. “Maybe I’ll end up in the farms, wherever I get assigned to.”
Jaehyun laughs amused, eyebrows raised high. “Sweetie, you’re about as Omega as they come.”
Instead of letting the same comment you’ve heard most of your life get to you, you shrug it off and glance back toward the head Alphas cabin. “Will I get to see him again?”
Jaehyun hums. “Probably in a few weeks, you know.. when they start to separate us.”
Knowing you’d left things in a somewhat awkward place with your friend really dragged your heart through the mud, making your way back to the lake you’d been at just the day before full of regret that you’d been cutting him off and spending less time together. Perhaps deep down inside you knew the feelings you continued to stomp down into nothing consisted of a culmination of fear and anger. Anger because you don’t want to lose him, fear of what the future holds in store for you once you have inevitably presented. Fear that you will end up stuck with the Omegas until adulthood. Anger that you can’t seek Johnny to comfort your worries anymore.
Jaehyun was right, as everyone has always been about you. The domino effect took its toll on the pack, triggering heats and ruts alike until yours hit in the middle of the night and consumed you with the worst pain you’ve ever felt. 
A pain of yearning and insatiable hunger, hunger that had one name written at the back of your tongue, attempting to swallow it down before your Omega could break free and shout his name out. Tears burned down your face as you fisted at your bedding and grinded your hips down, not even the strongest elixir of ancient herbs could quell your lust for the Alpha.
Johnny Johnny Johnny..
His name swirled through your mind, each memory and touch you ever shared, his hold on your waist and shoulders, the difference in size between you just this last year.
“Alpha..”
With 20 pack members presenting the council decided it’s time to move you onto your next step. 
You pleaded and cried in your mother’s arms begging for her to do something to stop this, to let you stay with her somehow, someway. Realistically no amount of tears could stop the assimilation you all must face. 
“It will be over before you know it my love.” She said sweetly, braiding your hair the night before you’re to move to the Omega quarters. 
Won’t be over soon enough, you think, keeping your thoughts to yourself the more your eyes puff up. Sleep would be hard to come by tonight, knowing tomorrow changes everything. The days of being a young careless pup with lack of responsibility change now, cursed by your damn Omegan genetic chemistry. Because whether you accepted it or not, the chances of a Beta mating anything other than a Beta rarely ever led to the same sub-gender offspring. Even your mother always hinted and skirted around the idea of you presenting as an Omega, never an Alpha with your delicate soft nature, no matter how hard headed you may be.
“At least you will get to see your friends once more tomorrow.” She said as she tucked you in and kisses your forehead. “I’m sure they’re eager to congratulate you on presenting.”
Friends.
The only friend she’s ever even seen you with being the pack Alphas son. She knew very well how odd your relationship is, being that you don’t even come from one of the stronger lineages. Perhaps her prayers to the moon goddess to grant her daughter a prosperous future had been answered. Time would tell..
Sunlight entered your room right as your eyes were ready to fall shut after failed attempts of counting sheep to shut your mind off. Nothing could stop your incessant fear from escalating knowing what a new day would bring.
“We don’t want to be late, princess. It’s time.” Your father chirped happily from your bedroom door, gathering the bag you’d be taking with you later today.
No, of course you wouldn’t want to be late to the induction ceremony. Even with a stomach full of nerves as you made your way to the divided trails leading to sectioned off lands for Alphas and Omegas you tried to calm yourself, take deep breaths, fiddle with your hands until you had no choice but to ball them up in tight fists.
“My baby’s grown so much.” Your mother cuts the unbearable loud silence pounding in your head, smoothing loose tendrils away from your face. “You’ll surely make us proud in there, receive many merits and accolades from the elder Omegas.”
“I’ll do my best.” You say solemnly, leaning your cheek into her palm one last time. “I’ll miss you both so much.”
“Soon soon, angel. Everything will go by so fast, you’ll be back in no time.”
The ceremony to send you off lasted no longer than a few minutes after all goodbyes were said, staggering behind before making your way to catch up with the rest of the newly presented Omegas. You slowly turn to look over your shoulder, breath lodged in your throat when you find his gaze already on you. 
“Johnny?” You mouth hopefully. He stands straight, stepping to the side of his group until you’re close enough to take in how much more he’s filled out in mere days. The once gangly long limbs now protrude with muscle, shoulders grown in width, and jawline sharpened with definition as baby fat disappears.  
“Johnny.” You whisper, reaching a hand out for your best friend, now Alpha, to take a hold of. He visibly swallows, a tormented expression streaking across his face as he looks you over.
“I can’t.” He whispers back, blinking furiously. Tugging the straps of his bag on his shoulders tighter. “I can’t..”
He nods swiftly, turning his face away from you with a stiff twist of his neck to keep himself staring ahead. Pain scorches up your gut, burning the pathway leading to your heart as your hand falls limp by your hip and you sniffle back the onslaught of tears already rushing to the backs of your eyes. 
“I’m sorry.” He barely whispers before turning down the opposite path, leaving you with the last memory you’d hold onto for the next 5 years to come.
One last look caught yours before disappearing behind the fence meant to keep new Alpha and Omega apart.
Time. Only more time can make any difference now.
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
“I can’t wait until we integrate with the rest of the pack.”
“I can.” You say quietly, keeping your head low to not draw the attention of the lead Omegas walking around observing how well you’ve all begun to take on your roles. “I don’t dream of being mated.”
“Ah, well.” Minnie, the bubbly Omega you’ve come to know in your last year by no choice of your own smiles softly, tilting her head dreamily. “I can’t wait to be with my first pup, and finally know my mate. It’s all I can think about.”
Of course it is, you want to say, lowly humming and continuing to brush out the furs dropped off today. They carried all types of scents from the elders, council members, even faint traces of betas. Alpha furs are only to remain within the village grounds, nowhere near unmated Omegas. 
“You really have no desire to mate?” Minnie continues to pester you, smile turning mischievous. “I bet I can change your mind.”
She seems more than up to no good judging by the way her lips tweak to one side before bouncing up onto the balls of her feet, pointing this and that way while hurriedly explaining something to one of the elder Omegas.
“Fine fine Minnie, take that one with you and be back on time to help in the kitchen.” She motions your way, cutting off the younger Omega before she talks her ear off.
She skips on her way back to you, bundling up a few of the furs you’ve been cleaning. “Told her we need to deep clean these to get the smell out.” 
“They don’t sme—“
“Shh!” She rushes, grabbing a hold of your arm to hoist you up and drag you away from the group of Omegas working hard to brush out knots and stains. “You have to be quiet about this okay? I’ll get into so much trouble if the word about this gets back to the council.”
“What are you going on about?!” You grit, failing to shake her arms off. Leaving you with no choice but to follow along as she leads you past the riverbank. 
“I’m telling you, there’s something special a few of the Omegas showed me a while ago.” She says excitedly, teeth on full display as she peers over her shoulder to ensure no one’s nearby. “Over here, these fences behind the leaders cabin.”
“We’re not supposed to go this far..” you say hesitantly, digging your heels into the dirt path to slow her down.
“It’s not prohibited.. but they haven’t renovated these parts in decades..” she explains, using extra strength to make you turn down the short hill that covers most of the fence. “They really should too.”
“Why? Doesn’t it just lead to the village?”
“Well, no..” he trails off, biting down on her lip deviously. “You have to promise not to say anything, alright?”
Sighing, you shrug and wrap around her pinky, unsure of what could possibly be so secretive about this area. She nods, pressing a finger to her lips as you step up to the area covered by old tree branches. “Don’t be loud.”
Releasing your arm, she reaches to move a few branches aside and motions for you to come closer. There behind the mess of greenery are two holes on the old tall wooden fence. You stop for a moment to glance back at her, nodding with her lips pursed for you to look through.
Nothing could have prepared you for what actually resides on the other side of the fence. More water that you didn’t know existed, the rest of the river that’s been cut off by this man-made fence constructed decades ago when the pack struggled to keep Alphas and Omegas consistently equal in numbers. The council decided it best to separate freshly presented pups into individual camps until they experienced their first heat or rut. Segregating the two sub-genders to manage future matings with annual runs. Their plan had been successful after balancing the scale, allowing for their pack to grow healthy and plentiful.
It’s been years since you’ve last seen an Alpha.. until now.
“Is..” you stutter, blinking rapidly. “Is that..”
“The Alphas.” She whispers near your ear, lightly tapping a fingertip against the fence. “They swim and clean off at this stream after their hunts, seems to be only the ones that are soon on their way out of the camp..”
Alphas, playfully shooting water at each other, laughing and rough housing after a morning hunt. They have baskets full of fish lined up near their weapons on the path, a few of them deeper in the water scrubbing their arms and chest clean with cloths. 
“Our future mates could be here right now.” She beams, pushing her cheek against yours to steal a look. “Oh Goddess, it’s him..” 
“Who?”
“Head Alphas son..” she murmurs off, eyes going lazy as she rests against your head for you to both get a look
Head Alphas son? But that would be..
How could you have not immediately noticed him, trudging out from the shallow end of the stream glistening under the daylight sun, shaking off the water cascading from his broad frame the closer he reaches toward the end.
It’s him, it has to be him. 10 inches taller than you remember, hair longer and framed around his much sharper and pronounced bone structure. The baby fat on his cheeks long gone, body built up from years of hunting. The pressure of having to be the strongest and most reputable Alpha evident in his intimidating stance alone.
“Johnny.” The name passes from your lips without realizing, widening Minnie’s eyes as she turns to look at you.
“You know him?”
Know him? He was the last member of your pack that you had contact with before joining the rest of the newly presented Omegas. Even sharing goodbyes with your own family before him. You knew he’d be an Alpha eventually, but you’d never considered how painful it would be to lose your best friend to the otherside. 
The reality always loomed though. The pack Alphas first born son could never present as a Beta, Goddess forbid as an Omega. 
“No.” You reply, clearing your throat and tearing your gaze away. “We shouldn’t be here, it’s against pack law to be in contact with Alphas while unmated.”
“We aren’t contacting them, not really..” she smirks coyly, trapping your arm once more. “Just a little longer? They’ll be on their way eat soon.”
You shouldn’t, should stand your ground and put your foot down against this condemnable behavior.
But one more look can’t hurt much.
One more look just to be certain that it’s him, that it’s really your Johnny.
He’s changed so so much, nearly unrecognizable if you weren’t sure of his residency on the other side of this fence. 
“He’s incredibly handsome, don’t you think?” Minnie disrupts the one on one conversation happening with yourself, looping an arm around your waist to bring you both closer to the holes. “Can you believe we’ll be in the same mating hunt as our next head Alpha?”
“What??” You practically shriek, covering your mouth and pulling away. 
She looks at you half amused, in awe of your clueless nature. “It’s been five years silly, the elders have been discussing lowering our time inside these lands to ensure a strong Winter. The moon goddess predicts we will need many healthy pups due to the severity of climate change that’s recently taken place.”
“How do you know all of this?!”
She sighs, wagging a finger in your face. “You never pay attention during the morning lecture. They say we could be out of here as soon as the next red moon! That’s only a few weeks from now.”
A few WEEKS?! 
“Judging by the look of these Alphas..” she hums flirtatiously, turning back to peep through the fence and suck a long breath in. “They’re certainly ready to hunt, and I’m ready to be chased.”
“The mating hunt, is it guaranteed that all who participate will be mated?” You ask full of worry, dragging fingers through your hair. 
“Of course, that’s the point of all this!” She says, clicking her tongue. “If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were born yesterday.”
Stealing one more look, she sighs and bites her lip excitedly. “I’m so ready to be out of here.” Turning back to you she grabs your arm. “Let's get back before the elders catch on to us missing. Besides, we’ll be with our Alphas in no time.”
In no time. Too soon. 
And as if to mock your worry the days tick by faster and faster, now very alert during your usual extra nap time in the morning. You listen to every word, biting at your nails by the third week as the elders rejoice that the forecast had been correct and the blood red moon will indeed rise in the next few days. 
“Soon you will birth strong and powerful members to contribute to the pack.” They preached and flounced about full of excite. “Tomorrow we will introduce you back to the pack to prepare for the hunt. Not a hair or patch of dry skin shall appear on you! You must impress your potential Alpha suitors to desire and want to chase you.”
More thrilled than you could ever be about this, they began to distribute scent blockers around the hall. Instructing you all begin using them tonight to ensure no Alpha can trail you off scent. It has to be instinct and intuition to find your true mate.
Once you have presented, every pack Omega is expected to participate in the annual mating ceremony. Ensuring the packs healthy growth to avoid a desolate village.
Your biggest dread of presenting as an Omega subsided as you met your predator's gaze. Stalking around you with snapping teeth and no escape. 
There was no way to predict the Alpha determined to mate you would end up being your best friend.
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
“I can’t do this.” You whisper, sneaking a watery look at your mother. The reunion with your parents had been too fast, not enough time to plead your case and beg for them to find you another option. She smiles stiffly at you, securing the braids she put your hair in with ribbons.
“Sweety..” she says between clenched teeth, blinking furiously. “Do not embarrass us. It’s an honor that you’ve been summoned to participate in the mating hunt.”
An honor? Giving up your freedom and shred of independence you can barely cling onto for an Alpha? An Alpha that will breed and claim you like nothing more than a whore?
“What’s honorable about this, mother?”
She sighs, painting your cheeks with thin stripes of oil to illuminate your skin and make you more desirable for your possible mate. “I only wish I’d been given the chance you have to strengthen the pack. Omegas are the backbone of our livelihood, without you we’d go extinct faster than animals.”
Popping her mouth for you to mimic she applies a smudge of red tint to your lips, standing proudly after to take in your full appearance. “Without a scent to trail, the Alphas will really have to focus on using their other senses.. and you look ethereal. Always knew you’d grow up to be one of the prettiest in our pack, even if I worried about all those scars you’d come home with all the time.”
“What if I refuse?” You ask wearily, glancing around at the other Omegas being prepped for the hunt.
“You’ll be exiled.” Your mom says sternly, tight lipped as she grips your shoulders to look at her. “Think about your father and I, please. We barely got you back.”
A mixture of guilt and rancid vomit combines in your stomach the longer you stand around and wait for the Alphas to show up. The elders have been greeting each other, smugly smiling as if they’ve accomplished something by forcing young Omegas to hand over their lives and become breeding machines. They gather around and announce the next generation of Alphas to lead the pack. You can’t see their entrance from where you stay hidden with the rest of the Omegas participating, not allowed to see any of your potential mates. Only able to swallow down the throw up that rises up your throat as cheers and roars pound through the earth beneath your feet. Alphas praised for merely existing, for being the breadwinners of the pack that ensure longevity and protection. 
Omegas are the real backbone, as your mother said, whether she meant it or simply wanted to shut you up and finish dolling you for essentially a stranger to ship off with. 
“This is so thrilling.” Minnie pops up next to you, her lips a deep cherry, cheeks stung with the residue to make her skin glow. She looks radiant, lovely as ever, so ready to show off a bite on her beautiful long neck. “I want to be caught already.”
Nothing could compel you to agree, silently nodding to resist the incessant urge to gag. Judging by the giggles and squeals surrounding you, no one seems to share your sentiment. Why would they after years of being brainwashed to want this.
She takes your hand, squeezing and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “May the moon goddess bring you the best Alpha.”
“You too, Min..”
A whistle blows signaling you to line up and ready yourselves to run, everyone scrambles around excitedly, leaving you at the forefront as the elders explain the ‘rules’ again.
“You are not to ever remove your scent blockers, you are to hide once the Alphas begin their hunt. You are forbidden to leave the pack lands, and if you are not claimed you shall immediately report back to the Omega sector until the next red moon. Claimed Omegas are to come back with their Alpha mated. Only once paired off may you re-enter the pack.”
It’s due or die, whether or not you avoid an Alphas claim you’ll never be free from this restrictive life..
The second the horn sets off you run, feet pounding to the earth without a second thought. Heavy breathing and laughter fades away behind you, distancing yourself further and further away from where most of the Omegas will choose to hide, you imagine. The same trees you used to wander through catch your attention out ahead, furiously quickening your pace at the sound of another horn signaling that the Alphas are on the move.
The same forest you spent days hiding inside of is just right outside of your lands, against the rules, but you need to wait it out long enough. Once enough time has passed and the Alphas make their claims you can move back to your packs territory. No one has to know.
Not even the splinters clawing through the skin of your palms can slow you down, hoisting yourself up the largest tree you can find until you manage to get up high and let out a sigh of relief. The pounding in your heart refuses to settle even so, hissing as you wipe your hands off on your tunic and try to adjust your weight onto a thick branch. Even at this proximity you can hear howls and cries, sounds of pleasure ripping through the tears as Omegas go down, claimed and gnawed at by rabid Alphas. 
Time goes by slowly as you sit still and listen, sucking at your wounded hands to ease the sting left behind. It’s nothing compared to the mix of pain swarming between moans. Deep guttural Alpha wails break through the dusk, shifting and breaking bones as they take their conquests and solidify their claim with a knot.
Only a few more hours until it dies down, you hope.. peering up at the clouds that dance around the red moon. Orange light sprays across the ground, illuminating clear paths for predator eyes to seek their prey. They’d never be able to find you up here, unless..
A loud huff snaps your neck toward the entrance of the forest, cracking tree branches and kicking rocks as the sound grows near.
Large, terrifyingly large, medium brown soft with light hints of gold, and eyes you’d recognize even if you suffered from amnesia. Those sharp sleek eyes that you’d never be able to forget no matter how much you try. Why would he come out here? Why did he have to come out here.
There’s only one reason. Snarling and puffing large breaths of air as he slowly paws through and approaches the largest tree, listening attentively for any movement. Sitting back on his hind legs, his gaze lands on you without sparing a second, squinting past the leaves you’ve shrouded yourself with. He barks, baring his teeth as trickles of saliva drip down his jowls.
Get down from there.
“Go away!” You hiss, grabbing onto a tree branch firmly as he nears and clambers up, scratching his claws along the trunk.
It’s been years and you still insist on giving me the biggest headache.
“I said go away Johnny!” 
Get down. Immediately. Don’t make me climb up there.
“I’m not coming down! Now get away before another Alpha follows your trail and figures out that I’m hiding out here.” You grunt, fearfully looking out as another large wolf approaches.
You need to come down. Right now.
“You’re leading him right to me.” You whine, moving up another branch to hide yourself from the Alpha passing between the trees.
Johnny’s teeth snap, biting at the air as an Alpha with dark fur growls at him, leaping up on his hind legs he stands tall above him, shouting at the new presence to get lost.
This one's mine.
The dark furred Alpha hesitates for a bit, egging the lighter to get his nose in his face, snout digging into the others until he whimpers and backs away, slowly making his exit from the woods.
An enormous sense of relief lightens the tension weighing down your shoulders, leaning back on the tree until a sudden huge ruckus shoots you to sit up urgently. 
The Alpha down below backs up and rams into the trunk repeatedly, growling and smashing his dome forward until you’re shouting.
“Johnny! Stop! Stop!” 
GET DOWN. RIGHT NOW!
His Alpha sounds vicious, ripping through your mind, causing your Omega to cower and frightfully shiver. Biting down on your lip to contain a whimper, you nod and gingerly set your foot down to make your way down the tree. 
“Please, don’t tell head Alpha about this.. he’ll have me condemned..” you plead, keeping your gaze to the floor to not have to look your old friend in the eye. Shame, embarrassment and fear runs rampant throughout your system, lighting goosebumps up your flesh. 
No one is touching my mate.
“What?!” You nearly lunge back, falling down onto your ass as you crawl away without taking your eyes off of him. “Johnny! It’s me! You’re mistaken—“
Quiet. Omega. 
Slowly trudging closer to you, he stops to sit. Stance big and strong towering above you.
Present.
“Johnny, I can’t do tha—“ 
The growl he lets out cracks a whimper from your throat, rustling the leaves throughout each surrounding tree, echoing loud enough for even birds to flock away out of fear.
“You don’t want this, not with me, remember me?” It seems futile to attempt conversation with an Alpha in wolf form, feeling defenseless and defeated as your back knocks against a rock and the Alpha leaves you with nowhere to run. 
Present for your Alpha. I won’t ask again.
“I-I can’t, don’t ask that of me.” Bile rises up your chest, digging your fingers through clumps of dirt as the large wolf nuzzles your face and takes a deep inhale. “This is a mistake, has to be a mistake..”
Lights blind your vision, collapsing on the ground when his scent slams into you. A husk leather oud infiltrates your senses, strong and rich, immediately swirling between each crevice until your chest caves. The Alphas scent is the strongest you’ve ever felt, dominant, enrapturing, near drug-inducing. The scent of a powerful Alpha, more powerful than you’ve ever experienced. Too much for your secluded body and mind to handle atop of the raging fear beating from your chest.
The Alpha nudges your limp figure a few times, softly huffing and licking up your cheek. There’s no point in waiting it out, already gone for hours since the hunt began, he shifts back and hoists your lifeless body onto his arms, carrying you out of the woods with ease. The walk back to your lands can take about another hour, knowing his father will undoubtedly be waiting for his return with a proud smile as his son triumphantly strides back through with his future head Omega intact.
Exactly as he imagined it, his father stands tall and full of pride, the smile on his lips slowly sinking as he sees no sign of a mating mark. Confusion flows between the two Alphas as he comes to a stop and adjusts your limp weight in his arms. 
“What is this son? Have you not mated?” He asks sternly, leaning in closer to inspect your naked throat.
“The Omega, she fainted before I could consummate..”
“Ah, I see. Drop her off at the infirmary and continue on your way back out. Many Alphas have already returned with their claimed mates. You need to be swift and hurry now.”
“This is my mate, father.” Johnny states loud and clear, cradling you closer to his chest. “She is the one my wolf has chosen.”
Clarity evades the head alphas features, scowling as he steps forward to whisper. “You dare to bring disgrace upon my name with this unmated weak Omega? What have I taught you?”
“No father, I do not wish to bring shame upon our lineage.”
The head Alpha snaps his fingers, ushering his main henchmen to cover up their surroundings. “Get the Omega back to your cabin. Do not bring her back without your markings.” He orders, rushing two of the elders to cut around the village to his son’s cabin. “I will not have you humiliate my name with your choice.”
Johnny nods without protest, following along with the elders that obscure your bodies behind veiled cloaks. At least in his cabin he can help you get proper rest and keep an eye on you. 
“Get her inside.” One of the elders says in a hushed voice, covering the entrance to his cabin. “Listen to me my boy, if that Omega exits your sights without a mark, I don’t want to jump to conclusions of what your father may pull, but it won’t be pleasant.”
He nods assuredly, thanking the older Alpha for helping him before leading you to his furs to lay upon. At least this way you can become accustomed to his scent, enough to keep you stable even if it overwhelms you. He should have anticipated that you’d be difficult to deal with even now after all of this time apart. You’ve grown a lot, as has he, but clearly your disdain towards Alphas hasn’t changed much.
He wonders for a moment if he should have just walked away when Jaehyun showed up with intent to mate you. The thought alone makes his Alpha scream at the top of its lungs, clenching his fist and shaking his head to calm the rage building inside of him.
Anyone else mating you has never been an option, because Johnny always knew it had to be him. He always knew that it had to be you. 
‘That sweaters a bit tight for you, don’t you think?’ His friend jeered, poking at the faded cotton material stretched over his much larger body.
Johnny ignored him, waving Jaehyun off before heading to the river to wash off, making a stop by the bathrooms nearby first. He’s kept your oversized sweater stuffed at the very bottom of his bag as he marched into the newly presented Alpha sector of your packs lands, heart beating from his chest as he stole one last look back and found your gaze peering over your shoulder practically begging to be saved.
He’d dreamt about it for years, what your scent would smell of, how you’d grow to be the most beautiful Omega, strong and regal by his side. Perfect to lead a pack by him in time. 
In time you will see, even if you don’t have much left to spare.
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
Air thick as molasses glides down your tongue, struggling to swallow as you sit up and break out into a fit of coughs. Everything’s too warm, incinerating you from inside out with each breath you take in. Grasping around yourself you find a wall behind you, choking on your next breath right as the Alpha enters and rushes over to you.
“Here, drink this.” He sits down fast, raising a cup of cooled tea to your lips, tipping it for you to drink from. The sensation of calming herbs flows through your chest, filling your senses from nose to taste, opening up your air passages to breath with ease. “Drink all of it.”
“What is that??” You cough, wiping at your lips and pushing the mug away.
“You fainted, healer Ryu said it can happen when Omegas aren’t accustomed to the scent of Alpha..” tilting his head to the side, he taps at a scent blocker stuck to his neck. “This should help, you’re in my cabin thought, my scent is pretty much everywhere..”
“What am I doing here?” You try to say clearly, choking on the spit lining your throat that's thickened up. “W-why did you bring me here?”
Johnny’s gaze darkens, dragging down your even toned neck, the expanse of your smooth delicate shoulders and your bare arms. “Because.” He stiffens, glaring at your throat. “I want you to be awake when I mate you.”
“Mate me?!?” Shooting up straight, you clutch the furs on top of your body tightly, half questioning if he undressed you to get you under here in the first place..
Sitting up, he nods and reaches to move your hair back causing you to flinch as his knuckles drag down your cheek. “Do you not remember me?”
He seems hesitant to ask, lips tugged down at the sides, grazing past your scent gland still masked by blockers. 
“Of course I remember you!” Glowering, you grab his wrist and dig your fingernails in. “Now answer me! What am I doing here?!”
The sensation of your stubby nails clawing at his flesh has no effect, shrugging you away as he comes to stand and paces in front of the bed you sit on. “Did you hit your pretty little head falling down from one of those trees while trying to hide?” He asks in a snarky manner, placing hands on his hips to widen his size. “How many times are you expecting me to repeat myself?”
“You know I never fall.”
Johnny rights himself, standing tall above you. “And I know where you’d go to hide from a gang of Alphas seeking their prey.”
“You cheated.” 
“I found you fairly, just in time too. Jaehyun was trailing my ass knowing I’d be looking for you. You’re lucky he knows better than to go up against me.”
Jaehyun. The other Alpha that Johnny had scared away.
“It’s not fair.. you left our territory—“
“And you should be grateful that I did.” He lunges toward you, slamming his fists down on the bed. “If anyone else had found you breaking the rules like that I’d never be able to save your ass.”
“I don’t need to be saved, especially not thanks to an Alpha.” You spit, cowering back against a wall.
“Watch your tongue little one. We aren’t pups anymore.”
Hard knocks shake through the cabin, pursuing your lips together to stop an insult from dicing its way through the Alphas flesh. Moving away, he peers back over his shoulder, motioning your way. “Don’t move, Omega.”
He disappears behind the door shutting, springing to your feet to scamper your way over when you hear deep voices murmur through.
“Have you done it?” You can recognize head Alphas domineering tone, judging from the way Johnny replies alone. He sounds immature, young and still innocent but still respectful.
“Not yet father.” He’s quiet, probably keeping his head down, too much shame to look his dad in the eye.
“I never expected this from you son.” Head Alpha sounds disappointed, drawing out a long sigh. “All of this over some Omega.”
“She’s more than that.”
“I do not care.” Shutting down his son quickly, head Alpha takes heavy steps, most likely pushing his chest out to instill intimidation. 
“If you do not mate her by the end of today, I have no choice son. I will not allow your obsession with this inadequate Omega to tarnish the reputation I have helped you build. No one wants to follow orders from an Alpha that cannot even control his Omega. You will do what I see fit or I shall summon the council to order a public mating.” Head Alpha spits each word out like shards of glass, gashing through even your flesh from where you listen through the door. The thought of Johnny on the other side trying to keep up a strong facade pings through your chest, willing it away with your arms tightening around yourself.
He must be stoic, emotionless to his father’s rage, because he doesn’t reply, nothing but the sound of footsteps follow for the next few minutes. 
Stepping back inside abruptly, he catches you off guard, leaping away from the door and rushing to hide your tear-filled eyes. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t stay in place.”
“You know me.” You mutter sarcastically, lips tugging down at the sides. “Public mating?”
Johnny sighs, starting to pace and run his hands through his long locks. “I assume you heard everything.”
“What was head Alpha talking about? Is he going to have me exiled?”
He scoffs, glaring at you from the corner of his eye. “As if I’d ever allow that.”
“You’d have to, you can’t go against your father.”
“I can’t?” Lifting a defined eyebrow at you, he steps forward to get in your face, neck craning lower. “What do you not understand? You are my mate. I would go against anyone for you, even my own damn blood.”
“I don’t understand, okay?!” You shout, frustrated, taking a step back nervously. 
“I’ve always known.” Johnny cuts you off, following you with long strides until your back meets a wall. “You have too.”
“No.. Johnny..” 
“Alpha.”
“No!” Lifting your hands, you press flat against his chest to put distance between your bodies. Useless as he doesn’t so much as budge, reaching for your waist as he bends in closer until his lips hover an inch away from yours.
“This stubborn act was endearing when we were kids, you know.” He laments, laughing under his breath. “It was cute and I may do whatever it takes to make you mine, but you will respect me as your mate.”
His tone lowers, near a rumble that has your Omega howling in pain, every signal warning for you to behave. “You’re not my mate.”
He snaps fast, growling deep in his chest, palms slamming down on the wall behind your head. “Do not disobey me.”
The Alphas voice cuts deep, rolling tremors down your limbs until your knees give and buckle, dropping your face between his chest as a pathetic whimper springs from your lips. You crumble at the fury, the Omega inside of you curling up into a ball in shame. How could you anger our mate enough to make him use his Alpha voice? It’s your fault, unleashing an onslaught of pain throughout your body the more you cower against him.
An exhausted sigh blows across the side of your face, standing up straight with arms wrapped around your waist he holds you close, nose dropping to your hair to take in a long inhale. “I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what overcame me just now..”
“I hate you.” You cry between chattering teeth, weakly hitting his chest. “How could you do that to me?”
“No you don’t.” Johnny’s eyes fall shut, dragging his nose against your crown. “I need you to listen to me. I’m sorry. I’m frustrated and stressed over what my father said..”
Sniffling, you ease against him, looping an arm around his waist to regain your balance, and maybe comfort the emotionally wounded Omega whimpering inside of you to fix this. “Public mating?”
“Yes..” he hesitates for a minute, rubbing a soothing large hand up and down your back before pulling away to cup your face.”If the council agrees, I will be summoned to claim you before the pack Alphas..”
“What??”
Pursing his lips, he looks away, forehead wrinkling. “As their next head Alpha, I cannot risk dishonoring tradition..”
“What’s traditional about this?!” You speak up, pushing away again only to be kept in place by strong built arms. 
“It’s not up to me anymore.”
“Then let me leave!” Hissing, you strike a balled up fist against his chest, lip trembling to contain your tears. “Johnny, please!”
“I can’t.” He says firmly, taking a hold of your shoulders to keep you still against the wall. “Tomorrow I will mate you, and if you try to run, I will never stop chasing after you.”
Silence falls between the two of you as he keeps you stuck in place with a look full of hunger. Eyes dancing between desire and passion. It’s enough to bite your tongue and hold back the whiplash of words your mind fights against your heart to shout at him. 
“There’s no other way?” You ask brokenly, throat exhausted as if your Omega used your vocal chords to scream her murderous tears. 
Shaking his head slowly, he leans in and plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. “There is no other way.”
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
There is no other way.
Because this is the only way to prove to the pack that you belong to Johnny. That the Alpha has truly thoroughly fucked and claimed you, that no one will ever question his position to lead this pack.
The council wastes no time on discourse, immediately proclaiming that a mating ritual shall take place today, and that the Omega set to be the next head by pack Alphas side will have a mark on her neck by the end of this day.
“Here I thought the hunt would be the highest honor, you’re lucky the council has been lenient enough to allow this.” Your mother’s fixing up your face once again, unable to remove the giant dumb smile from her face as she moves to brush your hair. “Ah, the moon goddess truly heard my wishes. Head Alphas son of all Alphas! What a blessing.”
Every single member of the pack seemed to question how and why you were chosen. Walking through the village to your parents cabin drew more attention to you than you’d ever experienced. Whispers floated through the air, backing the rumors that you couldn’t even handle the next head Alpha, that you’d passed out before he’d even had the chance to mate you.
‘Doesn’t make any sense why he’d even bother with her after that.’
‘Heard one of the Alphas over breakfast mention that they were close as pups. Head Alphas son probably imprinted on her years ago, none of us ever stood a chance against that type of bond.’
‘Seems unfair if you ask me, she’s not even grateful.’
They spoke so foul of you without knowing anything about you. To even dare question the innocent relationship you once had with Johnny. The friendship that you cherished and would sell your soul to have back. Everything’s different now, he’s different.
“I’m already dreaming of the pups you’ll have.” Your mother sighs happily, fluffing your hair to frame your face. “Johnny’s so handsome and strong, with his genes you will birth only strong pups.”
Pups.
Birth.
With Johnny.
Fear heightens in your stomach similar to a ticking time bomb, sensing your imminent doom as the elders come to escort you to the Alphas sector where the ritual will take place. They wear pleased smiles, cheerful as they drag you along and bring you to what can only come straight out of nightmares.
Alphas stagger around, eyeing you curiously as you’re brought to stand in the middle where a large lifted platform covered with cushions and furs has been set up. It’s worse than the hunt, multiple predatory eyes burn into your skin, gathering closer to get a good look at the flimsy garment doing a poor job of hiding your ample curves. Growls and grunts fly around you, trapping you with nowhere to go as they circle around and barricade you, shortening your breath the more imprisoned you begin to feel.
“J-Johnny?” You ask hesitantly, gaze stuck to your feet, too anxious at the thought of meeting eyes with any of the unknown Alphas around.
“I’m here.” A soft tone ripples up your spine, standing straight and pulling your shoulders back as he takes a hold of your elbow and turns you to face him. “Look at me.”
Slowly lifting your head up you see him, warm eyes and a soft smile intended to comfort you. He stands before you, moving in closer to wrap around your waist. “You’re nervous.”
Sniffling, you nod, embarrassed that every Alpha in the pack you’re meant to lead side by side with the one currently holding you tight will see you defiled for the very first time in mere minutes. “It’s just you and me right now, got that? Don’t even think about anything else. No one else exists, only us.” 
As much as you wish to believe that to be true, your ears can’t tune out the whistles and jeers coming from every side, biting on your lip and shaking your head, you reach for the Alphas shoulders to hide your face in his chest. “Can’t.. they’re everywhere.”
“I said look at me Omega.” He speaks more sternly, not moving to force you, but waiting for your head to raise and return to his still lovingly warm gaze. “You will not take your eyes off of me, do you hear me? You’re mine, you are only to look at me.”
Without using his Alpha voice he still manages to make your chest tighten, stomach churning anxiously as you nod slowly and he bends closer until your foreheads are pressed together. “I’ve been waiting for this.”
A part of you wants to scream, consider running only to be tackled down by a militia of powerful Alphas, but the other part of you swoons, reminded of the days you craved nothing more than to be by Johnny’s side and ripped your own heart to pieces once you realized the inevitable fate you’d been dealt.
“…for how long, Alpha?” You ask, barely above a whisper, fluttering his eyes in surprise.
“Forever.” He whispers, nose brushing against yours. “I’d wait an eternity for you.”
“You’ll take care of me Alpha?” You question cautiously, lips barely grazing his plump pout. “Make me yours to protect?”
“Always have.” Johnny states, licking your upper lip with closed eyes. He blinks slowly, reaching to cup your cheeks and dip his mouth to yours. “And I always will.”
It may not be ideal nor how you ever allowed yourself to imagine, but as the Alphas lips meld to yours, the tension weighing on your back dissipates. Easing into his dominant touch, you fall into the kiss easily. Every worry and silent wishful hope lets out a sigh of relief throughout your body, dragging your arms up higher to cling around his neck and deepen the kiss.
This time your lips planted together unlocks what you never knew you needed. The Omega inside of you quells instantaneously, rolling around with what can only he a giant smile now that your Alpha finally seems satisfied. The two of you rejoice, drawing him in deeper to grant your tongue access inside the delicious cavern of his mouth. If only a kiss can ignite this much in you, you can only shake as you imagine what more your conjoined bodies can release.
“I’ve got you baby.” Johnny says softly against your lips, for your ears only. “No one else exists.” He repeats, calming the tremble rolling up and down your spine with tender pets. “Your first time?”
You nod, skin flushed with goosebumps as your nerves skyrocket and missile launch to the sky erupting each and every worry you’ve ever had. The Alphas never had to be concerned with any inexperience. Always taken care of with various concubines in preparation for the day they’d have to race for a mate. Johnny knew exactly what to do with you, how to use your body and pleasure himself, only heightening your anxiety.
“You trust me don’t you?” He continues to whisper, brushing against your now swollen lips. “Trust that your Alpha will make you feel good, you’ll always reach your pleasure first with me.”
“Can I trust you Alpha?” You ask for further affirmation, sliding your hands beneath the leather furs draped over his shoulders. 
“Have I ever lied to you?” 
Without answering, you push the furs off, eyes going wide at the sight of ink carved onto his skin. Immediately you reach to run the tips of your fingers across the raised flesh, poked through with sterilized needles and squid ink, half scarred from the forced injury to create the permanent markings. “Is that?”
“You.”
It’s as if you’ve woken up in Johnny’s cabin once more, short of breath as you trace over the lithe wolf prowling along a tree branch between leaves. Large golden flecks stare back at you, running your touch over the leaves as the Omega tattooed on his skin almost watches your movements. “Me?”
“My Omega.”
Grasping your wrist he drags your hand higher to the path of flowers blooming open on his shoulder. “My Omega made of honeysuckle and snow coated grass. As sweet as Autumn and fierce as Winter.”
“Johnny..”
Nights of clenching your eyes shut, pretending to ignore the Alphas eyes appearing in your dreams, shove aside the warmth you sought out from the memory of his touch. Every night and day kept apart had taken more of a toll on both of you than either could have realized, desperate to be close as you sink into his chest and wrap around him with a tight hug. “Alpha.”
“I know.” The gentle tone he keeps with you could erase any fear, comforted by the scent that had been suffocating you. Taking deep long inhales you finally let him in, head hazy as the Alphas scent combines with yours. “Never take your eyes off of me Omega.”
He means it, tempted to use his Alpha voice to manipulate you to follow his orders. It’s hard enough to tune out the whispers and groans that surround you from the crowd gathered around as he begins to strip your flimsy tunic away and slowly takes in every inch of your exposed skin, quietly cursing under his breath. “Beautiful, you’re so beautiful.”
Every touch is soft, voice hushed for only your ears to pick up on, gaze lit up full of love that you can feel each time your eyes meet. Nerves prickle under the drag of his finger, softly gliding down your stomach to the tops of your thighs to part you open, swallowing down a loud deep breath. Embarrassment twitches your knees, wanting to slam them shut as the Alphas lowers to get a close up look and curls his biceps around your thighs. “The most perfect Omega, aren’t you pretty?”
Slick gushes between your folds, shaking from the tips of your fingers to your toes as your peer down between your thighs. Johnny’s eyes shoot up, lowering his thick lips to your center. The invitation of your warm glistening cunt is enough to have him groaning, unintentionally teasing the hood of flesh hiding your clit. Pouty pressed together lips flatten and kiss the bundle of nerves, lighting triggers up your calves and thighs for more slick to drip out onto the Alphas chin grazing across your awaiting entrance.
Given any other circumstance, including the one you could have ended up in, he would have had you present on all fours and fucked you like a proper Omega slut. Alpha urges roar for him to hurry it up, enough to worship your cunt. Ignoring his wolf's demands, he moves lower to kiss at your entrance, slurping up the sweet sticky syrupy slick for the direct source. Burying his nose in to snort your aroused scent this up close. He mouths sloppily at your hole, not even to get you off yet, but to finally have a taste of his dreams. A taste of what he could only imagine for years.
Nothing would ever be able to compare or come close to the heavenly taste of you. 
“My Omega, so sweet. Taste so fucking sweet, pretty pretty girl.” His chins doused with your gleaming arousal when he decides to finally come up from air at the sound of your moans turning into impatient whines. Jerking against his mouth desperately, needing something inside. He can feel it, the frustration coming from both of your wolves, attacking you from inside out to mate mate mate.
The Alphas breath fans across your now sweaty neck, body heat rising at accelerated speed the more he teasingly tortured you. Licking up your scent gland, he drags a way to your ear, biting on the lobe softly. “My innocent Omega wants Alphas cock so badly? Rutting against me like some horny pup.”
And it’s true, without thought your thighs wrap around one of his long muscular legs, jamming your bare core up and down the flexed limb. Hair grazes your slick cunt, making a mess of wet down the Alphas thighs as your hips speed up chasing after a relief only he can fulfill.
“Alpha, I need to.. be closer.” Every and each bone in your body rattles, craving and needing to feel him inside of you. Johnny tenses, eyebrows wrinkling together as he grabs onto your hips and forces you to stop.
“You’re gonna give me a hard time with that pretty ass and pussy, aren’t you?” He says through gritted teeth, eyes fluttering shut. “I’ll fuck you, fuck you full of my pups. Keep you satisfied until all you know is how to take your Alphas cock. Is that what you want?”
Thick palms slide beneath your back, gliding lower to cup and squeeze your ass, encouraging your hips to push down on his thigh again and plead for more. Vigorous grinds of your hips force him to lodge his knees down, shifting the furs laid out beneath you. He grunts, rasping out breaths shakily. “Fuck baby, get it nice and wet for me. Keep doing it just like that.”
As if to warn you, he grips your ass roughly, jamming his hardened clothed length against your hip for you to really feel what you’re about to take. A heavy hot thick rod ruts from your lower belly to your hip, a thin garment separating your lower halves, bowing your spine up pathetically. “Alpha—that, please, please, g-give me!”
A round of groans sound around you, quickly reminding you of where you are, but not long enough before Johnny sits up between your thighs, bringing your hands to his hips. 
“This what you want?” He asks damn near mockingly. Licking at his lips akin to a thirsty rabid wolf. 
“Alpha—want, want it!” 
Hisses, growls, harsh ragged breaths turn louder the more you whine, resisting your Omegas curious urge to glance around. Johnny cups your chin to keep you focused, sleek eyes melting your gaze. “What do you want? Say it clear for your Alpha.”
The size of him above you makes you feel so small, curling into yourself as he positions close between your thighs to jam his clothed size against your drenched cunt. Johnny trembles at the contact, having to sneak a look down as you soak through his light fabric cover up and the shape of his cockhead fully pokes through, pressing the tip to your swollen clit. “Want this?” He mutters, curling the fabric around his cock to slap down heavily between your thighs.
Jerking up in response you let out a howling scream, arms shooting out to grab his biceps. “Please please!”
“Say it!” He growls ferociously, slapping the heavy meat down with audible loud wet claps of skin hitting skin. The contact rushes blood down, chubbing your pussy up in preparation to squeeze the life out of your Alphas dick. 
“Want your cock Alpha! Wan-want you to breed me, pup me!” 
If only you had anything else on your mind other than the Alpha burying inside of you, you’d hear the uproar of feral cries set off around you. Each Alpha willing to sell their soul to be in Johnny’s position right now. They watch on drooling, snarling, rubbing themselves over their garments as your Alpha sits up proudly and strips his lower half free of the fabric. His thick cock bounces up, slapping loudly against the flat planes of his ripped stomach. The visual of Johnny’s chest rising and falling rapidly has slick pouring out of you obscenely, toes curling as you take in the full mass of him. Clenching up as small as you can as you envision what can only be compared to your forearm in size penetrating you.
“Alpha, s’too big..” you say wantonly, still wanting to feel him split you open. Still needy for your Alphas cock to break through your cervix and fatten your belly full of cum.
“I know, baby.” Laying down on you without resting his weight, his cock pressed against your stomach. The tip slotted a few inches above your navel as a preview of how deep he’ll be inside of you soon. Maneuvering his fingers between your thighs, he nips at your jaw, murmuring praises about how wet you are.
“It’s so loud, so warm.” Johnny sighs, sucking on your earlobe. “So slippery between my fingers.”
Tapping at your entrance, he nudges your thighs open further, gliding two fingers in past the ring of muscle that feels as if you’re trying to bite them right off of his hand. Cursing again, he sucks in a ragged breath, licking swirls along your ear. Thumb making way to your clit to loosen up the clamp your cunt has around his fingers. A few meticulous rubs and flicks combined with his hot mouth have you relaxing, shoulders laying flat as he begins to scissors inside of you.
“Feel that Omega? Your pretty tiny fucking pussy.” He grits, fingers beginning to jam in and out of you at heightened speed. “Feel so tight and warm around me, gripping me so good baby.”
Johnny’s nasty words make your mind spin, head thrown back watching the sky above you turn upside down. The sound of your gushing slick louder than anything, muting all but the guttural groans coming from your Alpha. Pleasure scorches throughout your body, reaching for his wrist with a trembling saliva covered bottom lip and watery eyes. “Please, enough. Alpha, I need it, need you.”
He hears you loud and clear, tongue toying with his lip for a moment before drawing free from your cunt. As much as he wants to make this easy for you, there’s no way. Both of you too insatiable and driven by your hunger to be one. To feel conjoined, even if you know it will hurt.
Slowly stroking his cock, he watches your pussy in a trance-like state. Stomach muscle twitching, taking sharp breaths as he rubs a smear of pre-cum around the tip. Dipping his fingers between your sensitive pussy lips again because he can’t help himself, too enthralled by the gush of slick that bubbles out messy and loud. It’s all for him, slowly collecting the wad of slick to coat his cock with like some type of silent apology for what he’s about to do to you.
The twitch your tiny little hole gives in response only makes him groan, setting the head right against your slit to admire the difference in size for a minute.
“Perfect.” Johnny whispers, rubbing his thumb down your clit to the outer rim of your cunt pulsing against his length. He can’t stop his hips from jerking, slowly thrusting to watch your muscle stretch, fighting back the much too large intrusion trying to invade and make a home for himself. The fat tip of his size throbs, pushing it in until he feels your hole snap around him, hissing and biting his lip. “Babies first time, just for me..”
It’s dizzying for him, almost too dizzying to hear your rushed intakes of air, to see your eyes clenched shut, fists balled up on your chest, and your teeth grinding to not scream. Johnny reaches for your forearms, pushing them down for leverage. Slowly he plunges in more, managing to get a few more inches in before pausing to take deep breaths. “You okay baby?”
Nodding furiously, you curse at him to continue. Distracting yourself from the pain by focusing on your breathing. You have to be good, prove yourself worthy, not only for your Alpha, but for the pack of onlookers. Determined to take him, you let out a moan and force your hips up into a swivel, further sliding his length inside.
A slew of curses spring from his lips in shock, reveling in the pressure and tightness enveloping half of his length. “Want it so badly, don’t you.” He says more to himself, moving to grab your hips and hold them down. “But you’ll do as I say.”
He pulls out, a lewd loud pop resounding as Johnny lifts his hips back enough to rub his length up and down. The fat tip of his size purposely nudging and bumping your swollen clit. Each drag against your sensitive pussy further ruining you, sobbing out loud without a care. The hold on your hips keeps you from moving, letting out a desperate shout as Johnny lays his palm flat on your stomach, taking his cock in hand to slap down on against your clit.
“Alpha! N-no!”
“Take it.” He groans, struck by the thick we s of slick that cling to his length with each heavy smack. Emitting pornographic squelching sounds for everyone of the Alphas he will lead someday to hear, to memorize, to know that they will never have a taste of you, let alone ever experience this again.
With a pleased smirk, the engorged tip of his length meets your entrance again. Pussy throbbing like a wounded animal as the Alpha finally presses in again, slowly breaching your hole to make you feel every overwhelming sensation all over again. The pain subsides as pleasure and desperation takes over, incessantly starving to feel him stuff you full. You sob, reaching out for something as he leans in to bracket your head with thick biceps. Finding solace in his shoulders, you claw at his smooth skin, arching up to bite down a scream into his muscle.
It’s heat inducing, arching against the Alpha to get him deeper inside of you. Long thick cock stretching you with each new inch added, too good once fully sheathed inside. You can’t stop whining, licking at Johnny’s smooth pronounced collarbone. Split open by the only one you’ve ever wanted, something about it swells your chest. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders to feel even closer. 
“Alpha, please—“ you start to wail, drooling on his neck, planting haphazard messy kisses.
“What are you begging for, huh?” He chokes out, moving to wrap around your shoulders in the same manner, knowing that your Omega needs to be close. That your heart needs to feel his beating against it. “You’re so tight for me baby. Gonna ruin that perfect pussy you have, make it mine.”
“Ugh!” Dropping your neck back, hot tears fill your eyes, raining down your cheeks as he begins to thrust in and out. 
“All mine, my pretty gorgeous Omega.” He moans, fully pulling out only to ram back in and sending your back arching up with a shout. Johnny can’t slow down, chasing after your release to get to his. Falling into a rough rhythm, he thrusts hard enough to have you both sliding up with each ramming force of his hips. The clenches you give around his cock accompanied by drool coated moans only encouraging him to push in harder, make you taste his cock in the back of your throat from here.
“Alpha..”
“Yeah, what did I say baby? Keep those pretty eyes on me baby. Keep looking at me.” Clutching your neck, he presses your foreheads together. Cock drilling deep past your tight hole. It’s not completely without pain, snapping around the intrusion of his thick long girth. Johnny works hard to keep his own eyes open, consumed by the way your pouty lips fall apart with a moan, how your eyes roll up and back to him over and over again. “Opening up so so good for Alpha. Feel good baby?”
Gliding a hand between your bodies, he lowers closer to your chest, pushing his arm lower to rest the back of your head along the dip of his elbow. Fingers find their way to your clit, circling the bundle of nerves with another thrust, easing more inches past your convulsing heat.
“Ahh—!” Incoherently you begin to nod, head spinning, thighs aching around his hips. The pinch to your clit shoots up your spine, lifting your butt up only to be slammed back down into place with another powerful thrust. Johnny curses, sucking at spit around his tongue as he lifts enough to watch you take the last inch of his cock again.
“Oh shit baby.” He croons, biting down on his lip at the sight of his cock completely disappearing inside of you like nothing. The way you take it only as an Omega can. It’s indescribable to feel your heat suck around him, the way your walls clamp on his size like wet firm kisses. Pangs of pleasure throb up his length, cockhead pressed to your cervix at this angle. “Can’t believe—“ the Alpha drags his slick coated fingers to your lips, pushing them down on your tongue, teeth gritting. “Can’t believe I’m inside of you.”
That awakens your lost mind, licking between his digits as he circles down into you and lets you truly feel how big he is. Each twist of his hips feels like a delicious new stretch, opening your cunt up to always be ready for your Alpha to fill you up. He sighs, smiling and pressing in to capture your lips. Cock thrumming inside of you letting you get used to the sheer size of him. Distracting you with wet and messy glides of his tongue, he continues to slur between sucks, drawing your tongue out with his suctioning lips. 
“Such a pretty fucking pussy baby, best cunt ever.” Johnny sounds lost himself, lapping at the combination of your spit smearing between your chins. “Tight, so tight for your Alpha.”
All you can do is whine and agree between his overpowering kisses, failing to grab his tongue with yours. Johnny controls everything, the way you kiss, the way you fuck, the way your body reacts to him. Infiltrating your brain, lungs, heart, cunt, filling every empty hole inside of you with himself, staking claim to his Omega the way only a real Alpha can.
“Pl-please, Alpha, please,” you start to beg, throwing your limbless arms around his shoulders to weakly throw your hips into a circle. Turning desperate to really feel him, to really get fucked by your Alpha.
He fully lets go, tearing past his own resistance to fuck you full, hard and fast. Wet sounds clap around you, jostled by each punching thrust, swearing you can feel him as deep as your lungs from the way you gag on spit and choke on your breath. Weakly tapping at his shoulders you lose it, clamping on the Alphas size hard enough to make him stop for a moment. Johnny growl’s animalistically, pounding through the splash of slick threatening to push his size out from the force of your powerful orgasm. He keeps fucking you through it, looming large over your body going lifeless beneath him.  
“Knot, g-gonna knot baby.” The veins lining his long throat pop out under sweat glistening flesh, dropping his nose to yours as his stomach convulses and he thrusts in all the way deep surely leaving your cervix bruised. “Fucking—-fu—ahh shit!”
It’s the most shattered he’s sounded, raspy and whiny, coming to a stop as the base of his length begins to expand. Swiping his lips against yours between panted breaths.
“S’too.. can’t.” You beg, lightly tapping his chest. It’s useless, both of you too strung out by the peak of your pleasure. The only option left is to wait it out and grit your teeth through the burn stretching against your hole.
Right as you feel every last inch of your body go limp, Johnny securely cups behind your neck, licking across the top row of his teeth practically salivating at the sight of your extended throat arched up so invitingly. The knot thrums against your walls, painful stretch burning as he adjusts to lower his chest to yours and whisper against your lips. “My Omega.”
The bite hurts initially, gnawing deep through the flesh covering your scent gland. Long canines dig through your veins, sucking at the blood that gushes past his bite. Memories of the first time you met the Alpha flash behind your eyes, weakly sinking your nails into his shoulders as tears rush from your eyes and everything he’s ever wanted to say to you flies around your mind. The days you spent together, the times he always let you win just to see you smile, and the frantic need to protect you. Pain washes away along with the tears rolling down your face, whimpering and clutching onto him as hard as you’re able to.
“Johnny..”
The pitiful sounds that come from his throat remind you of a distressed pup, lapping up your bite aggressively as guilt claws at his chest seeing you grow weaker beneath him.
“S’okay Alpha..” you mumble, sliding your hands up his neck to hold his cheeks. The difference in size seems more daunting now, stuck on his knot that hasn’t deflated one bit, the visual of your small hands thumbing his wet cheeks feels right. Feels as if you’ll never have to fend for yourself as each emotion and reassuring sense of devotion fills your head. 
Johnny’s your Alpha, destined to lead, destined to be yours.
“Hurt you..” he barely whispers, thumb caressing the mark on your neck solemnly. Fighting between his pride and lust to prioritize what you could be going through. “Sorry..”
“No no,” tucking your chin, you capture his thumb to suckle on, head shaking softly. “Love you.”
The look that illuminates his features can only be described as one of love. Adoration and admiration, relief, lightly tipping the corners of his lips upward and releasing the tension pinching at his ears. “Love you, my mate.” He says proudly, knot gone down enough to fix your positions and lift you onto his lap. “Let's go home.”
Without allowing you time to look around, he holds onto your bottom, keeping you impaled in place with his knot as his thighs burn to stand, free hand petting the back of your head and easing your nose to rest against his scent gland, successfully masking your eyes from the Alphas that stand around drooling, hard cocks pulsing, desperate to have a piece of you for themselves. With a last look of warning at the group, he turns and takes the back trail back to his cabin, shushing your whines.
“Almost there baby.”
“We’re going home?” You ask drowsily, clinging onto his shoulders as if you fear the idea of falling, knowing the Alpha would never allow for such a thing.
“Our home.” He states, rounding a corner to the back entrance of his cabin to avoid allowing anyone else that may be roaming around to see you in this position. “You did such a good job for me back there pretty.”
“I did?” Warmth fills your stomach, brows knitting as your hips roll against him on their own to feel the Alphas half deflated knot push past your aching entrance. He hisses, cupping your ass firmly on the way to the bed you rested in yesterday, already soaked with your scent, weakening his knees as he lays you down and hovers above you, fist planted by your sides. 
“So good for me, my perfect Omega.”
Reaching up for his shoulder, you trace the wolf gazing down at you once again, head tilted curiously. “Has it always been me? Really?”
Johnny’s eyebrows gather together furiously, nodding rapidly, clicking his tongue annoyed. “You know that it has.”
“It’s nice to hear.” You smile, biting on your lip. 
“Yeah?” Lowering down, he thrusts the rest of his size in to fill you with every inch, knot gone down enough to shove his length in deep once again. “And me? I want to hear you say it.”
Damp strands of hair hang around your face, framing the Alphas sharp cheekbones, long eyes that stare down at you obsessively. 
“It’s always been you.” You admit, arching up for a kiss. 
Already knowing that is one thing, but hearing you say it strikes a nerve, growling from deep in his chest as he reaches to draw your hands above your head and teases your lips with barely there kisses.
“You’re mine.” Small pecks litter your top and bottom lip, lowering to your chin and jaw, trailing a pathway up to your ear and back as he continues to repeat mineminemine.
“Mine to have.” Another kiss.
“Mine to keep.” Another kiss.
“Mine to save.” Another kiss.
“And mine to ruin.” The last kiss steals your breath, bred full again by the next thrust, only held in place by his solid grip on your forearms.
The Alpha made good on his promise to take care of you, fucked and bred night after night to birth the strongest members of your pack. 
Occasionally you’d find your way back to the forest, now with Johnny by your side helping you climb trees that you insisted on being able to do on your own.
“It’s nice up here.” He hums, laying back on the large part of the base with you on his chest, stroking up and down your spine soothingly.
“It’s nicer with you.”
“Yeah?” His eyebrow lifts, tapping your chin to look at him. “No more running away from me then?”
“You’re here with me, aren’t you?” You tease, pretending to bite his finger.
“That’s my girl.”
・ ⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⠄⠂⋆ ・ ⋆ ・
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help-itrappedmyself · 1 month
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Dead on Main Part 9
My apology for the earlier mishap. Hope you like it!
Masterpost
A few hours later, a fourth of the way home, they start arguing about who should drive the next shift. There seem to be two main arguments. The first is between Dick and Bruce on whether Bruce even needs a break.The second is between Dick and Tim about who should take over for Bruce.
Bruce has been driving for four hours, and it’s now about midnight, so he should take a break to sleep. Dick had napped for about an hour after the panicked stop when Jason’s ectoplasm had gone haywire, and he was the only one who had slept so far. He’s winning the argument between him and Bruce. Because he was the only one who had napped so far, and apparently Tim had been awake for a terrible amount of time, Dick is also winning the argument between him and Tim.
Danny is pretty sure even sleep deprived most people would drive better than his father, and he doesn’t have a driver’s license so he keeps quiet. It’s funny how intense they get in their arguments without ever becoming serious. Danny appreciates that no matter how intense they get there’s never any anger in their voices.
“Tim, you haven’t slept more than five hours in the last two days, you are not driving this car. There is no way you are driving this car. Neither of us are going to let you.”
“Bruce has been awake for 23 hours straight!” Tim argues.
“Which is why Bruce should also not be driving anymore!”
“Tim you are definitely not driving, go to sleep. Dick, If we switch drivers we have to stop and we can’t afford to stop and waste time. We’ll switch drivers when we need gas next.” Bruce states rationally. Danny thinks this is a good argument really.
“If we crash and die we’ll also waste time.” Tim points out, sulking.
“Switching drivers will take all of two seconds and so help me If I am not driving in the next two minutes I am commandeering the radio for the rest of the trip and you know neither of you will be able to stop me.”
Danny isn’t sure why that is so serious of a threat, but that shut both Bruce and Tim up immediately. Bruce pulls over and they do a quick seating change. Since Bruce and Tim need to sleep so one of them can drive later, Danny switches into the passenger seat while Dick slips into the driver's seat. That way Bruce and Tim can stretch out in the back.
“What do you listen to that they dislike so much?” Danny asks a little later. Danny can’t tell if either of them are sleeping, but neither of them have moved at all in the last ten minutes. He’s quiet just in case.
“I mean, I like a lot of music. They just know that I can put on circus music for hours. I grew up in a circus, so I'll even enjoy doing it. It annoys them after like three songs at most though.”
Danny has a moment where all he can think of is Freakshow’s circus, but he shakes it off.
“Did all of you grow up in the circus?” Danny could have sworn Bruce was more like Vlad. Grew up wealthy, ran a business (less illegally, he thinks, but that's not hard considering), and went to parties and stuff. Dick laughs at his question.
“No, only me, I’m afraid.” Dick glances at the back seat, before refocusing on the road. “Bruce adopted all of us, except for Damian. But even Damian grew up with his mother before coming to live with Bruce. So all of us have very different upbringings actually. Circus for me. Jason was next, he had a hard life before Bruce found him, and after too. He’s been through a lot. Tim had rich parents, they loved him but weren't around much. Duke was adopted after his parents died but he was raised by both of them, he had the most normal life growing up.”
“Tim and Damian both found Bruce more than the other way around. Damian’s mom… loves him a lot, but she was in a dangerous situation and wanted Damian to be safe. So she dropped him off with us.” You could hear the love in Dick’s voice as he spoke about his family.
“Your family seems happy. Nice. I mean, you all dropped everything to drive me home. I appreciate it.” Danny thought carefully for a moment, he didn't want to learn too much second hand. He'd rather get to know Jason personally. But some things only family can tell you. “Do you think Jason and I will get along? From what I've heard I know we have similar senses of humor, at least relating to our own deaths. And, well, we have that experience to bond over. But our lives seem like they've been very different.”
Dick’s face softens. “I think that Jason has spent his whole life fighting. For anything and everything. He's not going to stop now. You guys’ll figure it out.”
Danny looks at him. “Have you met your soulmate?”
Dick’s whole face lights up. “I have. We knew each other before the switch, but.. it was still a lot of drama and awkwardness at first. I think Bruce almost had a heart attack when it happened, and then an aneurysm when he found out who it was. That was hilarious.”
Dick glances at Danny, saw him biting his lip and twisting his hands together, eyes in his lap. “We had met, but we still had a lot to learn about each other. Getting to know him has been one of the best parts of my life. He’s my best friend.”
Dick reaches over and ruffles Danny’s hair. “Why don't you try to sleep Danny. You'll be meeting him soon.”
Danny nodded, giving Dick a light smile and settling himself into his chair.
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riordanness · 4 months
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lover — [w.wonka]
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wordcount: 1K
warnings: none
requested: yes!! anon <3
You’d think that working for the greatest chocolate maker in the world would be awesome, right?
You’d be correct. However… some parts were not quite so awesome. Especially when you’re head over heels in love with said chocolate maker.
“Noodle!” I scold, laughing as she tosses yet another chocolate in her mouth, rather than stacking them as we’re supposed to be doing.
She shrugs, and gives me a wicked grin. “Sorry, not sorry.”
I roll my eyes, taking a bite out of my own selected piece of chocolate. Willy always says that we should eat whatever and whenever we like. He just cares that much for us.
“What do you want to do when you’re older, y/n?” Noodle asks me suddenly.
I frown at the question. “I am older.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re like eighteen. I mean older, older.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m pretty content just working at this shop right now. But I’d like to fall in love, get married, and have a family. That would be nice, I guess. It’s not likely, though.”
“Why not? That’s totally likely.”
I smile a little. “Because, Noodle-dee, I’m not that kind of girl. Guys don’t just go and fall in love with me.”
She smirks a little, and pops another chocolate in her mouth. “You never know, y/n-doo.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” There’s a smile in my voice.
Noodle doesn’t reply, so I let it go, going back to stacking Willy’s gorgeous chocolates in their pretty display cases for the shop. This is honestly probably my favourite job in the entire store. Making it look pretty.
It’s the end of the day, all the customers are gone, and just Noodle, Willy, and I are left, all doing our individual closing duties.
Noodle cleans the floors, I count the till money, and Willy, well, I’m still not exactly sure what he does, but he walks through every single room in the entire building, checking something.
Probably some big important, owner-of-the-chocolate-factory job I don’t know about.
Noodle and her bucket of soapy water makes it way over to me. “Hey y/n,” she sing-songs.
“Mm?” I glance up from counting silver sovereigns.
“You know how you were saying you wanted to fall in love?”
“Someday, yeah.”
Noodle looks amused about something. “Are you already in love? Do you at least have someone in mind?”
My brain immediately, unhelpfully, offers up an image of Willy, with his smiling face and unruly dark curls. I suddenly get very flustered. “Uh—no. Of course not, Noodle.”
“Really.” She raises an eyebrow, deadpanning at me.
I shake my head. “I don’t have anyone, uh, in mind, no. I’m not in love. That’s ridiculous.”
At that moment, without either me or Noodle noticing, Willy reenters the main shop room where we both are. But I’m so engrossed in trying to convince Noodle to drop this topic that I don’t even see him.
“What about Willy?” Noodle suddenly asks.
I drop my stack of sovereigns. “What do you mean?”
Noodle has her hands on her hips. “You like him. It’s so obvious.”
I fumble with the coins, trying desperately to keep my hands from shaking. “No—? I don’t—um. No. I don’t like him. I mean I do, like him. But not, uh, like, like him.”
“Are you sure? You don’t seem sure.”
I groan, slamming the sovereigns onto the counter. “Fine. You win, Noodle-dee. I like Willy. A lot. In fact, I’m desperately in love with him and I think about him almost constantly. Now can you please drop it?” I don’t even realise I have tears in my eyes, but my emotions suddenly come to a swirling head, and I hiccup, and brush a tear away.
“I’m sorry,” Noodle whispers, but she sounds more triumphant than sorry. “I won’t ask you about it again.”
She grabs up her bucket and leaves abruptly.
I blink a few times, let out a sigh, and finish up with the till money. Then I flick off all the lights, lock up the inner doors, and get ready to leave for the day.
Noodle has already signed out, so I guess it’s only Willy left in the shop somewhere. “Willy?” I call, “I’m heading off now!”
Willy appears, hurrying over to me. “Thanks, y/n.” He has a weird look on his face, and he won’t look at me.
“Everything okay?” I ask uncertainly. “You look strange.”
He shakes his head. “Fine, fine. I’m okay.”
“Alright.” I shrug. “I’m heading home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I say this every day. It’s like clockwork.
Willy usually echoes it back, tells me to get home safely, and gives me a smile. But today, it’s different.
“Y/n, wait,” he says, just as my fingers are on the doorknob.
I glance at him. “Yeah?”
He licks his lips, glancing everywhere but me. “I heard you and Noodle earlier.”
I freeze, unsure of what to say or do. “You did?”
He nods. “Is it true? You’re in love with me?”
I don’t answer right away. I look at him for a moment, breathe, and then nod my head once. “Ever since I met you,” I say, and try to laugh. But it’s not really that funny. It’s kind of pathetic, actually. Because I am just y/n, and he is Willy Wonka.
“Me too, you know.”
It takes me way too many heartbeats to understand what he means. “What?”
“I’m in love with you, too, silly.” He chuckles, playing with his fingers.
I stare at him. “You… you, what?”
He laughs again, more forcefully this time. “Y/n, just come here.” He reaches for me, hands cupping my face, and when he pulls me into him, and kisses me, I can’t even breathe. It’s surreal, like a dream, but it’s real, and it’s happening, and it’s him, and it’s everything.
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stevieschrodinger · 4 months
Text
Part One
for @vampiregirl1797
“I just feel like we should put all our cards on the table before we go...all in. I’d like to go all in, but I feel like we need to be straight with each other about some stuff.”
“Oooookay,” Eddie says slowly, lowering himself to sit at the table. He had to shuffle the chair back a bit to fit the bump, “uhm, right.” Eddie feels kind of sick. Not the morning sickness kind, that’s long gone now, just the regular this is the End Of The Steve Thing kind of sick. Because someone basically saying we need to talk has never, not once, turned out well.
So.
Eddie maybe hasn’t come clean about anything. Eddie’s maybe been spending months scenting Steve curled up on his couch watching shitty movies. Eddie maybe just said the pups father isn’t in the picture and didn’t elaborate. Eddie maybe thought Steve had just bought that.
But Steve wants the truth, and Eddie’s going to let him have it, even though when Steve finds out what a little drug dealing slut of an Omega Eddie has been, like, historically, this might be it for straight laced Steve.
The End.
“I started in the library because I was doing community restitution.”
Eddie’s brain screeches to a sort of halt. Because wait. This was about Eddie admitting he’s a shit human being, right? Not for Steve to admit to doing anything wrong…? Wasn't it?
“Community restitution?” Eddie starts slowly, “like...you’re a criminal?”
Steve snorts but then looks at the table, fiddling with his own fingers before he looks back up again, “yeah. Kinda’.”
“And the crime was..?”
“Property damage. Rob’s boss tried to touch her up and then when she walked he screwed her out of her last pay check. It was her word against his so that didn’t go anywhere and...I may have smashed a couple of windows. A dozen. A dozen windows. While intoxicated.”
Eddie can’t even imagine that. Steve’s wearing fucking slippers and he’s at home now, so he’s swapped into the glasses that have an old people chain so he can hang them around his neck and not loose them, “I mean. Sounds...like a fair response. Yeah. Okay.”
“Sure?” Steve looks uncertain.
“I mean? If that's the worst thing you've ever done I’m pretty sure were good?”
Steve hums, it’s not a positive sound, “you know I’m,” he indicates the sides of his head. Steve’s told Eddie about the concussions. The sports scholarship. The one too many hits to the head and then the burst eardrum and the following infections that fucked his hearing up real good and pretty conclusively ended his career before it even started.
“Yeah?”
“Right, so without them in, I mean, I don’t wear them to sleep.”
And Eddie hadn’t thought about that, didn’t realize, because he hasn’t actually slept with Steve yet. Because Steve was courting him. Properly courting him. They have date night. It’s so fucking domestic Eddie nearly turns inside out over it.
Also Steve works in a library and he read somewhere that the bite of an Alpha who is not the sire of the pup can, in a few rare cases, cause the Omega’s body to fail the pregnancy and like...reject the pup in favor of having another heat so it can carry the pup of their actual mate. Or something. And because of that Steve won’t do more than kiss Eddie. Because he’s not willing to even take the risk that he might bite Eddie in the heat of the moment. He’s so fucking committed he actually offered to get Eddie off. Was very clear that he wanted absolutely nothing in return, was just happy to do hand or even mouth stuff to keep Eddie happy if that’s what he wanted.
Steve is like, just, how is he even real? And obviously Eddie said no because he's not a complete dick and saying yes felt incredibly selfish, even though he's been kicking himself every day since because when Eddie makes a decision Steve fucking respects that.
Fucking perfect loveable bastard.
Which is as adorable as it is fucking frustrating. But Eddie has also agreed that they will wait. They will wait until the pups born. They will wait for such time as Eddie can fully focus on a relationship. Whatever Steve means by that because Eddie is horny and doesn’t really care for the waiting part but-
“So I’m pretty deaf, at night.”
“Riiiight…?” Eddie has no idea where Steve’s going with this. Eddie is clearly fucking missing something along the line here.
“So when the pup cries at night, I won’t hear it. Like I definitely won’t hear it. And I get that, someone who can help more would be more appealing. Sometimes I don’t hear so good if there’s a lot of noise, so I’m worried if the pup cries and like, the TV’s on or something, I might not hear right away. And if you’re tired, I want to help at night, it’s not fair if you have to wake up all the time. I know I should have said something sooner but honestly it only really occurred to me today at work-”
Eddie’s heart is fucking melting into his guts. This is too much. Steve Harrington who smashes windows in defense of his best friend's honor. Steve Harrington who actually worries about his ability to look after another Alpha’s pup. This man. Eddie doesn’t know what to do and now his stupid face is leaking because he cries at fucking everything at the moment and Steve is looking at him absolutely horrified. Jesus Christ on a cracker.
Steve dashes around the table and dabs Eddie’s eyes with his own sleeve, while Eddie blubs incoherently about how perfect Steve is and how he’s the best Alpha ever.
So. There’s that.
Later, when Eddie’s finally managed to stop crying, but is lying splotchy faced on the couch, admits to Steve, “I’m not sure who the Alpha is. And they’re all douches so I didn’t want to hang around to find out.”
“Oh,” Steve says quietly, rubbing at Eddie’s knee, “do you want to find out now?”
“Still no. And, I get if you think it’s...wrong or...selfish...or whatever. I understand if you...you know, don’t like that I was sleeping around a bit.”
Steve seems to actually ponder that for a while, so Eddie decides to go all in and put the final nail in his own coffin, “also, I used to sell drugs. And do drugs. Some drugs. But not now. Not touched it since I found out about the pup. Haven’t been selling since I came back. Or smoking actually,” Eddie sighs, “could kill for a smoke right now though.”
Steve’s quiet for a long time, thinking. “Is the Alpha...likely to find out? Could this come back on you?”
Eddie bites his lip, taking a moment over it, “I don’t see how it ever could, no.”
Steve sighs, “okay, and clearly you weren't being safe, so did you get tested?”
Eddie swallows thickly, desperately trying not to start crying again, the embarrassment of admitting this out loud to Steve, Steve who is just so much better than him, might eat him alive, “yeah. Yeah, first uhm, appointment I had with the Omega nurse, we did all that. I’m all good. And I haven’t...been with anyone, since I got back to Hawkins.”
“So, basically, you found out about your pup and changed everything about your life, so you could do the best thing you possibly could for you baby, practically overnight?”
“I- I mean. I’ve tried?”
Steve pulls Eddie up and into his lap, so they can scent each other thoroughly, “Eddie, I think you’re wonderful.”
And Eddie shoves his face harder into Steve’s neck because he’s pretty sure his whole face is bright red with blush.
Eddie’s knee is bouncing, making the chain from his wallet jiggle, but he doesn’t seem to be able to make it stop. Steve rests his hand on Eddie’s disobedient knee; that works.
When Eddie’s name gets called, he goes, knowing that Steve is right behind him. They do the boring bit, and then Eddie is getting up on the bed and then the nurse is saying, “are you staying?” With a frown on her face.
And Steve looks down to Eddie and Eddie says, “yes?” and is then suddenly bristling at the side eye they are both getting from this nurse. Because yes, okay, Eddie doesn’t have a bite, and yes, fine, he and Steve aren’t mated but god dammit he wants Steve here for this.
He can feel the stupid nurse judging him and he fucking hates it but then Steve is squeezing his fingers reassuringly and yeah, okay, that does make it better.
Eddie doesn’t like the cold gel or the pressure, but he does love hearing his pups heartbeat. He really fucking does. It’s quick and strong and perfect.
“Would you like to know the sex?”
Eddie looks at Steve, but Steve’s just smiling and shrugging and being all perfect still. Happy to go along with whatever Eddie wants. Everything Eddie wants. Even though it’s technically not Steve’s choice anyway, even though it’s not Steve’s pup. Even though all of that, some Alphas would be presumptuous enough to pass an opinion, or worse; Steve absolutely never has.
And Eddie was always the kind of kid who shook the Christmas gifts, who couldn’t sleep, who couldn’t wait.
“Yeah, yeah please?”
“It’s a girl.”
“A girl,” and Eddie can feel the waterworks starting up again already and it doesn’t help when he looks up and Steve is looking at the screen with a look of wonder on his face. Steve looks like he’s in love. “I’d like to refer you though, for a routine investigation.”
Eddie’s nerves spark even though the nurse lady hasn’t given any indication of anything being wrong, “what for?”
She hums, moving the wand thing around, “it’s reasonably common in male Omega that their hips are too narrow to safely pass the pup. And from what I see here you may fall into that category, we should find out now and not in the delivery room.”
Steve squeezes Eddie’s hand again, “yeah. Yeah, makes sense.”
At least it means there’s no guesswork. Eddie isn’t waiting to go into labor; his narrow hips mean he has a date and time to meet his pup. He wants Steve with him, Wayne doesn’t even question it; is happy to sit in the waiting room with his newspaper and wordie or whatever that thing is he plays on his phone. There’s a curtain up, and Eddie can’t feel a fucking thing from the chest down because of the godamn terrifying needle thing they’ve put in his spine. So at least there’s that.
It feels like forever and no time at all, a lifetime of trying desperately not to panic while Steve holds his hand tight and tells him everything is okay. And god Eddie wants to snap and ask him where his sudden medical degree has come from, but he doesn’t, he bites it back, knows it’s the fear talking.
And then there’s a pup crying and she’s a bit gross and covered in gack but she’s being deposited straight onto Eddie’s bare chest and he doesn’t know what to do because suddenly he’s a parent. But Steve coos down at her and doesn’t seem at all phased by the gack when he holds her tiny hand oh so gently in his big one.
Eddie wakes up, and his calves are throbbing. He feels like he's actually run somewhere, and has the worst cramp. But then, he wriggles his toes and realizes he can feel everything again, even if he wishes he couldn't because everything fucking hurts.
Right behind that, he remembers why everything fucking hurts, and that startles him the rest of the way awake, suddenly flooded with panic because where is-?
Oh. All he has to do it look to the side, and she's right there, swaddled up in Steve's arms, Steve comfortably feeding her a bottle.
Steve must sense he's awake grinning over, "did you see how much hair she has? It's going to be just like yours." And Steve looks so absolutely delighted by that simple thing, and Eddie can't help but think that maybe this whole thing will work out okay.
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ghcstao3 · 4 months
Note
Civilian Soap x Ghost
Ghost is in the Scottish Highlands for something, everyone else only knowing him as a visitor. He bumps into Soap a few times and is invited to stay for a round of drinks whenever he wants a break.
Something goes wrong and there is no safe house, so Ghost has to ask Soap if he can stay.
Ghost promptly gets a family meal to welcome him. He ends up being well clothed, shelted and fed as he slots perfectly into their dynamic. Rather close to Soap as the night goes on.
By the end of the stay Ghost is freely cuddling Soap on the couch like a happy cat and might as well be purring.
Ghost doesn’t exactly remember when or how he met John MacTavish, but in this moment, he’s never been more grateful.
Stranded in Middle-of-Nowhere, Scotland, with his only option for a safe house being barely less than 200km away when a low-stakes operation had somehow gone to shit, Ghost is sitting in a decrepit phone booth, praying for John to pick up his phone.
There’s finally a click on the other end of the line, as painfully early in the morning as it is, followed by a sleepy, “H’llo?”
“Johnny,” Ghost murmurs. His initial checks had told him he hadn’t been followed, but just in case. “It’s Simon.”
John seems to brighten up at this. “Simon! To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I—“ Ghost grimaces beneath his mask. “I need a place to stay. But I can’t… tell you why.”
“‘S no biggie,” John says, then yawns. “Can you tell me where you are? I assume you need a ride.”
Ghost rattles off what he thinks is the location after squinting at some yellowing and torn flyers pasted on the sides of the booth, and for a long moment is met with silence.
He begins to worry the line’s gone dead when John exclaims, “Oh! That’s closer to my parents’ than my flat. I was actually goin’ up for a visit soon but I’m sure we can rearrange some things. I can be there in… say two hours?”
“Sure, yeah,” Ghost agrees before be can give it any more forethought. Because, yes it’s a place to stay—but with John’s parents?
He can almost hear John’s smile through the line. “Perfect. See you soon, Si.”
John hangs up, and Ghost puts the phone back on the hook with a sigh. Now, he waits.
And definitely doesn’t worry about meeting John’s parents more than he should. He’s friends with John—why should it matter? It’s not weird.
It’s not.
Ghost slumps against the side of the phone booth and lets his eyelids fall shut.
* * *
It had taken maybe two and half hours for John to arrive, but the drive to his parents’ is only forty or so minutes. John happily chats Ghost’s ear off the entire way, catching him up from the last time they’d talked, skillfully avoiding any mention of the situation Ghost is in.
John does his best to reassure Ghost over and over that he had talked to his parents, they’re fine with him staying however long he needs to until something more official comes along, and it helps a little.
Ghost still feels guilty for intruding.
But true to his word, John’s parents greet him with friendly smiles and welcoming words, ushering Ghost into their home with the familiarity of old friends—or perhaps even family.
The guilt does wear down little by little, as pleasant conversation is made, and, just as John had, no questions are asked about Ghost’s circumstances. Ghost wonders if that’s John’s doing, or if John had fed them some story just to avoid it. Either way, Ghost appreciates it.
He’d rather not think of his next steps for just a little while, as Price is surely piecing some of it together for him.
Ghost is made dinner later in the evening, and all three MacTavishes present insist there’s no issue in Ghost occupying John’s room for the night (he’d already promised to leave the next day, even if that means he winds up in a hotel instead).
He takes the couch anyway. He ignores the look John’s parents share when Ghost says, “It’s Johnny’s room, and I’m only here for one night,” ignores the blush that spans from John’s ears down his neck when they mouth ‘Johnny?’ in his direction.
And now, Ghost stands in the emptied out living room, just taking a moment to breathe. Because while he’s eternally grateful for the hospitality, he’s just a little worn out.
“You’re allowed to sit, you know.”
Attention pulled away from his thoughts, Ghost glances to John, who’s smiling crookedly as he holds an armful of pillows and a thick blanket. He dumps them on the sofa, plops himself down, and pats the seat beside him.
Ghost sits, and as he sinks into the cushions, realizes just how exhausted he is.
“You don’t have to tell me,” John is saying, “I mean, I know you can’t—but is this… was it a work thing that brought you here?”
Ghost hums an affirmative. His body is taking over before his mind can think twice, leaning over enough to rest his head on John’s shoulder. Tired, is all he can think. John laughs.
“There, there,” he teases. “Big scary military man’s a little sleepy, is he?”
Ghost swats at John with a mumbled shut up.
Civilian or not—there’s always been something different about him. With him.
John snorts. “Well, c’mere, then. Don’t be shy.”
Ghost complies easily, tucking further into John’s side like it’s second nature. Like it’s been months since he’s last seen the man.
Friends, is how Ghost has thus far labelled them. How Price would laugh his ass off hearing that.
At some point John begins to card his fingers through Ghost’s hair—he’s never worn the mask around him, never felt the need to—and between that moment and the next, Ghost is fast asleep, curled up with John like something a little more than just friends.
Fleetingly, Ghost thinks, just moments before his brain shuts off—I should visit him more.
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chastiefoul · 9 months
Text
frozen in time | kaeya
back with kaeya angst word count: 1.1k words theme: neglect, regret
gone were the days where he looked at you and saw his world, and somehow he’d always find a way to remind you of that fact.
and today is just the last straw.
-
when you first started dating him, you wondered how could kaeya never get tired of sweet-talking and complimenting you and the answer came as naturally as breathing for him, you deserve it. now that a few years passed, and his song of praises gradually dulled.. in-between exasperated sighs and spaces, was he implying that you have become someone who is not worthy of it anymore?
 “kaeya, will you come home early today?” you asked, voice still laced with sleep as you catch him already up and about in the break of dawn. funny how quickly things change. he used to be the hardest person the get rid of when you wake up in the morning as he cling into you until the very last second where he’d be late to work. but now even the hold of his arms when sunrise peeked is turning into a rare occasion.
the question lingered in the air, enough for it to sink into you how you’re now so accustomed in asking a question you never thought would be asking. kaeya who’d be running home the second his job allowed him to, spring on his step now barely come home early, now most often than not reeks of booze when coming home and you no longer have the heart to ask why. Not when the man seemed to be avoiding your shared house like a disease, going to work early, coming home late.
though sometimes a little bird with the title outrider would always tell you that kaeya drinks alone, it feels like it doesn’t mean anything anymore. nothing does, when he’s not by your side; and you’re starting to think that it’s not the case for him. kaeya has changed and unfortunately not for the better, not for you anyway. but you’re sure the knight of favonius hq was cheering now that the cavalry captain seemed to be taking his job more seriously.
he sighed, you stiffed slightly. he’s been doing that too many times these days, so loudly that you knew he’s making sure you heard it. making sure you know what you’ve asked inconvenienced him. “there’s a lot of work i need to catch up on,” he said coldly, tidying himself in front of a mirror, not sparing even a glance at you. your stomach tightened at the tone no matter how many times you’ve heard it, “okay, um.. well i’m planning making your favorite meal today for dinner, can you try?” you asked softly, another one of your many wasteful efforts to spend time with him, or lately, it feels like you wanted to reassure yourself that kaeya still loves and wanted to be with you. but why is it that each day the only reassurance you’re getting is that you’re being completely wrong?
no good morning or night, nothing of his gentle voice when speaking to you as he couldn’t seem to get his hands off you, no more of sweet nothing whispers, no more of... everything.
every day you keep building a hope that today will be different, that his reponse to something will be different, will get less cold but alas, those expectations keep being crushed by the man himself; leaving you to almost nothing to hang on onto this strained relationship except for the most important reason of all—that  you love him. so completely utterly in love with him. however you’re not sure you can keep doing that when he slowly but surely showed that he perhaps no longer feel the same.
he let out another of his signature annoyed sigh. How many times must you be reminded that now kaeya thinks talking to you is a chore?
“i can’t, (y/n), just.. drop it okay?”
you knew that one, a rhetorical question he had expected the answer to, assuming that you’d be okay with that. well, you thought that maybe it’s finally time to tell him that you were definitely not okay. “no, kaeya, i will not drop it this time, what is it today? another drinking session that’s why you can’t come home early?”
he’s quiet for a moment.
“can you really blame me? the house feels a little suffocating lately.”
that stung. oh that stung like a bitch.
because you were there. the unsaid words were clear the second he let out those words and he knew that because his face turned into one of ‘fuck i didn’t mean to say that’ so quickly. regret apparent on his features.
you didn’t even know how else you’d react to this horrible revelation that you just laughed. but instead of joy that it emitted, it just sounded incredibly painful. the back of your eyes felt burning, the lump on  your throat hurts. his hands reached out to you but the thought of him touching you right that second just felt revolting. “don’t. even.” you whispered, gritting your teeth.
“(y/n), i-“ kaeya started and you just had enough. you’ve heard him talk for far too long. “no. you felt suffocated by this relationship? tough. i felt unloved and unwanted for the past few months and you don’t see me drinking my life away at some bar.  you know what i did? i tried. i fucking tried, kaeya. i woke up earlier so maybe we can talk more, i visited you at work to bring lunches even when what greeted me was a ‘thanks’ you muttered to your documents, i organized the file of work you brought home when you accidentally slept on your desk, i tried making your preferred meals for dinner in hope you’d come home and spend time with me like we used to, i-“ you took a deep breath, your voice had become so shaky from the threatening sobs of cries.
you covered your crying face with your palms, not giving him the luxury of your defeated face, the face of someone who tried and lost.
“i give up, kaeya. the house feels suffocating? then i’ll leave.” you whispered, tears streaming down your face as you started to go to your shared room, wanting to pack up your stuff. kaeya who has been stunned for the past two minutes, processing your outburst finally snapped out of his trance. remorse and sorrow were all over his face as the usually calm and collected male panicked.
“honey, wait please. fuck. i’m sorry. (y/n), please, don’t leave.” he followed you closely, knowing his place and didn’t dare to touch you. you kept adding clothes to your bag, packing as lightly as possible cause the main thing for you that second was to get away from him, get away from that house that was full of your past and memories.
beside you kaeya kept apologizing multiple times, yet it’s all like a jumble of noise in your head. he kept hovering over you until the last step before the door.
“please, i can’t live without you,” his voice was incredibly weak, strained and would absolutely made you caved in if it was a few weeks ago, before all his actions proved otherwise and your presence there was not a welcomed one.
“kaeya, you haven’t been living with me at all for the past few months except when we’re asleep, i think you can get used to me not being there pretty quickly, you’re very good at that, right?”
your words once again left the man stunned, he's having a hard time finding words that would make all of this a bit more okay however it would be the same as sticking a band-aid on a stabbed and bloody stomach. it doesn't fucking work.
you stared at the man who once made you believed he loved you. anger, frustration, and betrayal all flooded in your chest but above all of that it's just sorrow.
you left, not looking back even once.
-
part 2.......?
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holylulusworld · 5 months
Text
Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (3)
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Summary: Your marriage starts rocky.
Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Wife!Reader
Warnings: angst, shy reader, fluff, getting to know each other, implied innocent reader, protective/possessive Sherlock, mentions of getting robbed
A/N: A collection of drabbles on how you became Mrs. Sherlock Holmes.
Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (2)
Mrs. Sherlock Holmes masterlist
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You wake warm and cozy, Sherlock’s arms locked tight around your middle. He nuzzles his face in your hair, whispering your name. “Sir, I mean Sherlock.”
“Good morning, Precious,” he husks in your ear. “How did you sleep? Does your face still hurt? I can call for the doctor again.”
“I feel better,” you say. It’s a little too much this morning. Sherlock being so close. His change of behavior. Sherlock seems to be everywhere you are to shower you with affection. “It barely hurts anymore.”
“Good, that’s good,” he softly kisses your hair. “I’ll be away this morning for a few hours. But I promise to come back soon. Mycroft and Enola will arrive tonight. We need to discuss her future.”
“Do you want me to prepare something special for them? Maybe I can help in the kitchen.”
“Y/N, you are the lady of the house. You don’t need to take care of the food. I already prepared everything,” he kisses your temple. “And I’ll take care of the problem with Mrs. Demeter too. She will never treat you the way she did.”
You snuggle in your pillow to get a little more sleep as Sherlock slips out of bed. He watches you fall asleep before turning to get ready for the day.
“Sleep well, my precious angel. I’ll see you soon.”
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“Mrs. Demeter, we are expecting guests tonight. We need more flowers, don’t you think?” She sneers at your words. You only wanted the dining room to look more welcoming, and all she did was ignore your every word.
“I don’t think so,” she finally says. “Mr. Holmes asked me to prepare everything for tonight. I think his brother and sister expect more than flowers from dinner with Mr. Holmes.”
She rushes out of the room, barking orders at the staff while you stand in the dining room, close to tears. Nothing has changed. 
Sherlock is gone once again and Mrs. Demeter acts like she’s his wife, not you.
You wipe your wet eyes and flee out of the dining room. If your husband is more interested in listening to what this woman has to say, he can spend the evening with her and his guests.
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“Precious open the door,” Sherlock hammers against the door to your bedroom. “What has gotten into you? Mycroft and Enola will be here any minute!”
“Why don’t you ask Mrs. Demeter to join you for dinner? Obviously, she’s the woman you trust the most. I’m having a terrible headache!”
He sighs and knocks again. “Please open the door. Whatever happened while I was away wasn’t my fault. I told her to respect you.”
“She will never respect me, Mr. Holmes. I think we should consider this marriage as what it is. Loveless and hopeless. You are married to your cases. And while you are away your precious Mrs. Demeter makes my life even harder. I will never leave this room again.”
“Brother, what is this about?” Mycroft hurriedly walks toward your room. “Where is your lovely wife? Why doesn’t she join us? Is she sick, or still scared because of the incident?”
“She’s angry at me,” Sherlock sighs and runs his fingers through his locks. “Mrs. Demeter…she…”
“You should talk to that woman while I try to make your wife feel safe and welcome in this family again,” Mycroft snaps at his brother. 
“She’s my wife, not yours,” your husband glares at his brother. “I know how to make her feel safe.”
“No. You don’t,” his brother exclaims. “If you did, she wouldn’t have locked herself away from you, and the world.”
Sherlock grits his teeth when Mrs. Demeter dares to walk his way. “Mr. Holmes, Sir.” She coos his name and tries to make him believe you are suffering from female hysteria.
“Mrs. Demeter,” Sherlock raises his voice, making even his brother flinch. “I must mishear! Did you accuse my wife of being hysterical? This diagnosis is nonsense. Every person with a sharp mind knows it.”
“Sherlock,” Mycroft tries to calm his brother, but Sherlock moves closer to Mrs. Demeter. He towers over her, panting heavily. “You are dismissed. I want you to pack your things and leave my home.”
“Mr. Holmes, you can do this! Not over this hysteric girl and her lies,” she cries and begs but Sherlock won’t have it.
“Mrs. Demeter, you should leave now. My brother is close to losing his composure. Believe me, you don’t want to feel his wrath.”
Mycroft leads Mrs. Demeter down the stairs to give your husband time to talk to you.
“Please open the door. I believe she’ll treat you with respect. I wanted to give her one last chance. I owed her that much.” He presses his ear to the door. “Precious, open the door.”
“Only when she’s gone,” you unlock the door and step away. “If you lied, I’ll stay here.”
Sherlock opens the door, almost ripping it open to get to you. He wraps you in his arms and peppers kisses all over your forehead. “I’ll never disappoint you again, wife. From now on, I’m your loyal servant…”
Part 4
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maissafespace · 6 months
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Always There.
Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader
synopsis: what hasn’t he gone through, would be a good question. all that was bound to break him more than anything, people left, people died, but somehow he could still feel warmth in his heart. it was all because of you, you were always there and he was grateful for it.
warnings: fluff. close friends, intimacy, may/may not have slept together, suggestive, gojo being a flirt to not show feelings, reader is a year younger, canonverse after volume 0. light angst. gojo’s trauma, gojo bottling up, crying.
a/n: don’t really know where i was going with this, i don’t know if there will be a part two or something but i wanted some fluff with gojo, hope you like it! reblog and comment! t!p if you can XD.
Masterlist • Masterpost.
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walking through the gardens surrounded by utmost silence would’ve been routine for you, relax without anyone annoying you, but, today of all days, your heart was heavy in your chest as you walked toward Satoru’s residence.
you had only come back to Tokyo today in the early morning and had been notified by Yaga of the events that occurred this last week.
noticeably, Suguru’s return.
you had remained shook at the everything that happened, Suguru’s new plans or former plans for the Jujutsu world. so much, that you could not go to Satoru right away, you had to clear your own mind before ever going to comfort him at all.
you greeted the workers with a small smile, making your way through the hallways and stairs till you were in front of his door and made your way in.
the whole room was dark even though it was late afternoon, a few rays of light got through, brightening the little it could, enough for you to see the silhouette of his body on the bed, lying with an arm over his face, his bare chest going up and down with his breathing and legs crouched with a pair of sweatpants on.
you sighed, taking the dark blue uniform off you and throwing it on the couch on the other side of the room, leaving you in your panties and a t-shirt.
“satoruuu…” you called him softly and calmly, climbing on the other side of the bed, sitting on your knees beside him. your hand poking his side waiting for a reaction. “satoru.” but nothing.
a bit annoyed you made the move. with another sigh, your hands sat on his chest, throwing your leg on the other side of his waist. you saw immediately that stupid grin on his face with his free hand going on your thigh in a millisecond.
“this is a good feeling.” he said with a chuckle. “heard you got back today from some lost place in South Africa, i’m offended you didn’t come to greet me first thing, babe.”
“right, can we go right to the point, honey.” you got his arm off his face but his eyes were still closed. “maybe you could look at me to start off.”
he breathed deeply, the amusement falling off for a second into numbness, he opened them, looking to the side for a moment before looking at you. you smiled sadly at the single glance to his beautiful light blue eyes. a pair that held so much behind them, feelings that he didn’t show easily.
“do you want to talk?” you asked him softly, your thumb brushing the side of his cheek, along his jawline.
“there’s something more productive i’d like to do. you, for example.” his fingers were playing with the elastic band of your panties.
“and they say romance is dead.” his light laugh and snort made a faint smile on your face appear. “if that were true, i’d feel you poking into me then i’d reject you as i’ve done before. but that’s not the case.”
“i mean, it doesn’t really take a lot…” his finger was going to the front of your panties, bringing them down till your own hand brought him out of them, back onto your waist. “we both need it, y/n, a nice distraction and consolation.” he sighed.
“i’ll consider it if we talk first. come on, we have done this before, satoru.” you were trying to be patient, keyword is trying, but that’s all, you have been through this countless times already, you knew the flirting and cute words were just to distract you from the purpose, though he knew you were not a flatterer.
“have i told you how pretty you look today?” he said with his hand lightly stroking your chin. you smiled, kissing the tip of his fingers.
“i love to hear such things from a handsome man.” you leaned down on him, chest to chest, your forearms keeping you up enough to still face him. “but we still need to talk. now you’re trapped, so start talking before we stay for days on this bed.”
“what about your trip? tell me about it? was the special grade curse as bad as people were making it out to be?” you sighed. you cupped his cheeks fully, inches away from his face. looking directly into his eyes, your heart beating fast at the way you would break the ice so abruptly.
“‘toru, tell me what happened with Suguru.” you asked.
you felt the way his chest stopped their movement for a second, you saw how his breath hitched and his eyes widened quickly. yet, no response came, you were just looking at him continuously, to the point where you didn’t realize how your positions changed.
he was on top of you, your legs wrapped around him as he breathed heavily. “satoru… i’m here. i’ve always been here.” you reminded him, trying to give him some faith and trust in yourself.
he collapsed gently, his head on your chest, his big figure sprawled on top of you and between your legs.
your hand brushing through his hair gently, rubbing his scalp and nape like a feather as he took his time.
“he’s gone.”
you hummed at his choked tone of voice. his shoulders were slightly trembling, then the sniffling started and then you felt your t-shirt dampening of his tears.
you just held him as he cried.
nobody was unaware of the relationship they had when they were young and in school, they had a friendship like no others, they were friends, brothers, family, maybe soulmates. you had just come in accidentally, being a year younger gave you all the time to admire your superiors, just one day you had found him wondering around alone, sighing.
sighing was a bad indicator for anything. you approached him and till now you had become something similar to a diary or a therapist, perhaps.
he told you the place each person had in his life, suguru was something like the sun in the hell of a childhood he lived, he was an anchor of life for him. when he left, it was visible how his life seemed to have been sucked out of him, you hated to see him like that. he slowly recovered from it but it was never the same, the walls were built.
it was worse the first months, he wouldn’t talk about it, he wouldn’t utter a word, he put on an act, then he’d get annoyed, then he’d try to run and make you leave, yell even, till you pressed and finally he opened up. he cried then too, he let his vulnerable side out in the world with you and you cried with him the first time. but now it was different.
you were in no way trying to involve yourself, or understand what he was going through, even though you did, since you had lost Yu after all, but right then it wasn’t your job to play who had it worse or make it about you, it was a moment of “let it out, before it consumes you.”
his body was calming down after some time.
his arms were even tighter around your torso, his body growing in heat, letting you reach around you to drop a blanket over the both of you before he got sick.
he cleared his throat, his voice still hoarse but he started to tell you in detail everything that had happened while you were away. you hummed here and there, asking a few questions as well, still rubbing your hands on his back and shoulders, seemingly comforting him.
“so up till now, you have not eaten a single thing.” you asked. “that’s not good, satoru, come on, we got to get out of bed.” you patted him, he whined in response.
“i disagree with that notion. we can cuddle and snuggle, maybe have some great sex-“
“see, no.” you tried to pull him off you but he didn’t let go. “i have a date tonight, but i need you up on your feet before i go, because if we wait you’ll be rotting tomorrow. wait!” in a moment and costing your neck, you were up, straddling his lap. as he looked up with a frown.
“what do you mean date? we have never agreed to this.” he really looked incredulous.
“you didn’t. i did. life is continuing outside the Jujustu world, my dear friend.” you slapped his cheek softly. “get up, you are having dinner right now.” you got out of his arms and out of bed, reaching for the couch as you put your pants back on. you turned on the lights and looked at him, his hand was ruffling his own hair while he still sat on the edge of the bed.
“satoru?” you called him. you walked back to him, taking his hands from his knees and have him stand up. “let’s go.”
you guided him slowly, he just complied, he followed after you, looking down at the your intertwined hands.
he looked at you as you talked friendly to the maid, asking her to please cook a little something in big portions to feed him for the days he had not eaten, and once everything was prepared he wanted to laugh at all the food laid out in front of him but you sat there with your arms crossed, looking at him intensely.
he just complied. starting to eat as you watched with a small smile, sometimes it fell into sadness to then turn into fondness.
it was dark outside by the time he was done. he laid back on his back with his legs still under the table, breathing heavily waiting for his stomach to do its job. “that was too much.” he muttered.
“now, you’ll think twice about starving yourself. i’m turning into a granny by worrying for you.” you said getting up, ready to get out of here and into the world.
“i’ll need you even if you’d turn into a granny. you’d be a hot granny.” you chuckled, reaching his side, receiving the invite of his hand reaching for you. you sat down with him one last time. looking directly into each other, his lips formed a weak smile, guiding his hand with yours in it to his lips and kissing it lightly.
he wanted to grin at the slight blush on your cheeks, but he refrained from doing that. “thank you.” you smiled genuinely at his words. “thank you for always being there for me. i haven’t been the best for you, but you’re always here. so, thank you.”
the smile on your face widened, your eyes almost completely invisible by it. “love to hear it.”
there was a moment of silence before the maids started to come in and the shiny atmosphere was disrupted. “i have to go now. i’ll see you tomorrow.”
“all right, see you later, y/n.”
he sat up, watching you walk away and out of his residence with a big smile while he sighed and stood to walk back to his room.
he stood under the hot water, thinking. and thinking. and thinking more.
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shit ending i know, but i didn’t have the inspiration for the conclusion. not my best work.
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maysileeewrites · 6 months
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a helping hand - John Murphy x reader
Summary: „Why are you helping me? I’m the bad guy, in case you forgot.“ Set during 1 x 10 (I am become Death), based on this teaser.
warnings: mentions of blood + injuries, angst, Murphy being Murphy (yes, he does have a soft side in this, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not still a dick); please lmk if I forgot something! 
AN: I’m not quite sure whether anyone will still care for Murphy x reader in 2023, but I love my trash son so much, I just had to write something about him. Please let me know if you liked it! 
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You dip the bloodied cloth into the bucket filled with water, watching as the water slowly turns red. Your hands are bloody as well and there’s dried blood crested under your fingernails, but with all the sick teens around you needing medical attendance, you don’t have time to try to thoroughly wash your hands, so you just dip them into the water, grabbing a bar of soap, watching as the water turns an even deeper red. 
Blood. 
There’s just so much of it. 
You sigh, standing up again. There’s no time for dwelling on your thoughts, not when the whole first floor of the Dropship is full of sick, coughing teenagers that need your help. 
You go to Fox and Connor next, checking up on them. But apart from trying to clean them up - they’ve started coughing up blood as well - and getting them to drink some water, there isn’t much you can do to actually help them. You have no medicine, no painkillers - apart from Monty’s moonshine and considering that a painkiller really is a stretch in your opinion -, nothing. Only a few spare blankets you and Clarke gave out earlier, in order to help keep everyone warm. 
A sudden wave of anger and irritation at your helplessness when faced with this unknown, dangerous virus overcomes you and you clench your fists in frustration. You allow yourself a moment to try and bury that emotion deep inside - because being this emotionally overwhelmed, you won’t be any help to the others -, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. 
When you open your eyes again, they land on Murphy - who’s looking right back at you with his good eye, the other one is still swollen shut. 
You gulp, trying to swallow down the nervousness that is suddenly clawing its way up your throat. Murphy’s the one who brought the disease into the Camp. 
After being tortured by the grounders for days, you try to remind yourself. After being unceremoniously tossed out of Camp for a murder he didn’t commit. And while he’s definitely a rude asshole that can be a bit unpredictable at times - though you think more often than not he’s just lashing out when provoked, attacked, or in case of the whole Charlotte incident, wrongfully accused - you don’t think that he’s as bad as everyone makes him out to be. 
But maybe that’s just you being naive, always wanting to see the good in people. He did try to go after Charlotte, after all. Though, you think, that probably had more to do with him seeking justice - a twisted, self-righteous kind of justice, but still justice - than vengeance. 
You sigh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Whatever the deal with Murphy is - and whatever the reason for you to suddenly spend so much of your thoughts on him is - right now, it doesn’t matter. 
Right now the only thing that matters is that he’s sick and hurt and he needs someone to help him clean up his wounds and that’s exactly what you’re here for. 
So, you take a deep breath and square your shoulders, before walking over to him and dropping down in front of him. His blue-green eyes - the good one at least- meet yours for just a split second, but then he’s looking away again. You dip the cloth into the bucket of water - after helping Fox and Connor you’d gone out to get some fresh water - and reach out for him, but just when you’re about to touch him, he twists away from you. 
„What’re you doing?“, he says, his voice low, distrust and irritation evident in his expression. 
„Helping you“, you answer, gesturing to the wet cloth in your hands. „Someone needs to clean up your wounds, Murphy.“ 
He scoffs. „Yeah, right.“ 
You frown. „Look Murphy, just let me help you, please.“ 
He doesn’t say anything to that, doesn’t acknowledge your words with anything other than a raise of his eyebrows, but you decide to just take his lack of a verbal response as a good sign - or at least as a sign that he hopefully won’t refuse your help any further. 
You wet the cloth cloth again, before carefully reaching your hand out to him again. This time, he doesn’t twist away from you, so you gingerly touch his bloodied and scarred cheek with your fingertips, before carefully applying pressure with the cloth. 
All the while, Murphy looks at you, an undecipherable emotion in his blue-green eyes. The intensity of his gaze is distracting, and you swallow, trying to concentrate on cleaning up his wounds, trying to ignore the burning heat of his gaze. Though it’s impossible to really ignore it, with you two being so close that you can feel his warm breath ghosting over your skin, causing you to shiver. 
Something shifts in Murphy’s expression then - if you weren’t paying so much attention, you might’ve missed it, but as it is, you can see the bitter smirk that crosses his lips for an instant, before he bites down hard on his lips. 
Your eyes meet then. You swallow - you feel caught in his stare, unable to look at anything but him. 
„Why are you helping me?“, he asks you, his voice low and raspy and laced with something that almost sounds like desperation. „I’m the bad guy, in case you forgot.“ 
„Because you need help“, you say, underlining your words by lightly trailing your fingertips over the deep cut on his left cheek. „And because I want to understand you.“ It’s true - you do want to understand him. You want to know how he came to be who he is today, why on earth he set fire to a room on the Ark. 
And fuck. This - this is dangerous. 
That bitter smirk crosses his face again. „Oh, so you want to know why I’m such a jerk, why I told the Camp’s location to the grounders, is that it?“ 
„You were tortured“, you say softly, but Murphy only scoffs. 
„Yeah, I’m afraid that doesn’t count as an excuse“, he says, voice full of bitterness. 
„Wha-“, you start to say, but then you remember that you saw Bellamy talking to Murphy earlier. And yes, that would certainly explain Murphy’s comments about his being tortured not being an excuse for giving up your location. 
You sigh frustratedly. Of course you know that Bellamy only wants to protect everyone at Camp, but you also know him well enough to imagine him making some kind of petty remark how he wouldn’t have caved under torture, wouldn’t have given up the Camp’s location. 
Which - fuck that. Anyone would eventually cave under torture, even someone as strong-willed and fierce as Bellamy. 
Murphy’s hiss of pain when you accidentally linger too long on one of his cuts with your fingertips draws you out of your thoughts. „Sorry“ you say, biting your lip. 
Murphy just shrugs and suddenly you’re hit with the desperate urge to help him, even though you’re not quite sure if there even is anything you can do that could make his situation better - apart from cleaning up his wounds, which you already are doing. 
„I’m sorry for what happened to you“, you say then, looking at him. „That’s not - I can only imagine what you went through and I really am sorry that that happened to you.“ 
Murphy looks at you, confusion and irritation evident in his expression. 
„And I know that won’t change anything-“
„No it won’t“, Murphy interrupts you, but this time, there’s no venom in his voice - just pain and resignation. „But it’s nothing I haven’t experienced before.“ 
Now it’s your turn to be confused. As you continue cleaning up his wounds, you mull over his words in your mind, trying to understand what he’s implying with his words. Does he mean that he was tortured on the Ark? But that can’t be right, can it? Yes, the Ark’s council is strict and unforgiving, but you haven’t heard about them torturing somebody. 
„Can you even see anything like that?“, Murphy says, interrupting your thought process, and suddenly he’s reaching out with one hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 
You swallow, trying desperately not to show how much that one little touch affected you. But your heart is thundering so loudly in your chest that you’re convinced that he’s able to hear it. 
Especially once you can no longer pretend to re-inspect the cuts on his face yet again - you really need to take a look at the wounds on his chest. 
You clear your throat, trying to sound more confident than you feel. „I - uh - I need to take a look at the wounds on your chest, judging by all that blood I’ll probably need to do some stitches … uhm could you - uh - maybe take off your shirt?“ 
Kill me, you think, wanting to die from embarrassment. Of course, the first time you’ll see a boy without his shirt on - apart from some of the boys that walk around Camp shirtless in the morning and you don’t think that they actually count - has to be in this weird situation. 
As if reading your thoughts, Murphy just smirks, before taking off his shirt. But just when’s almost free of his shirt, he hisses, his face screwing up in pain. 
„Let me“, you say, helping him. 
For a moment, you just stare at each other breathlessly. 
Then, so quietly that you’re not quite sure whether you’ve imagined it, he says: „Thank you.“ 
You nod, clearing your throat. Not knowing what else to say, you start inspecting his chest, lightly trailing your fingertips over the various scratches and other wounds - trying not to be distracted by his muscles you can feel under your fingertips and his burning gaze. 
Murphy hisses again when your fingers brush over a particularly deep wound. „Sorry“, you murmur, leaning in even closer to get a better look at his wound. „This wound needs some stitches, I’m, uh, going to get a needle and some thread.“ 
You get up and walk over to where all the medical supplies are stored, thankful for this short moment away from Murphy, his intense stare and your confusing thoughts about him. 
„Here“, you say, after sitting down in front of Murphy again and hand him the bottle of moonshine you’ve grabbed as well, „you might want to drink this before I get started on those stitches.“
Murphy just nods, taking the bottle of moonshine from you and taking a long, big sip. „Do your worst“, he says, prompting you to roll your eyes. 
„Thanks for the vote of confidence“, you murmur, though you can understand why he’d be apprehensive about this. If it were you being in his situation, you’d rather be stitched up by a trained doctor as well, but since you teens are all on your own and Clarke, the only one of you with actual medical training is currently getting some well-deserved sleep, you’re his only option. Unlike Clarke, you haven’t received any actual medical training but you do know how to give stitches - in theory at least - so you hopefully won’t screw this up. 
Here goes nothing, you think, getting started on the stitches. 
Murphy bites down hard on his lips, though a slight hiss still escapes him. 
You cringe, shooting him an apologetic smile before concentrating on his wound again. „Sorry.“ 
Murphy doesn’t say anything in response, just nods. 
You’re both quiet as you continue with the stitches. Then, when you’re almost done, Murphy suddenly says: „I got real sick when I was thirteen … only made it because my dad stole some medicine for me ... course, he got floated for it …“ 
You swallow, meeting his gaze. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you this - you just know that the story he’s about to tell you most likely won’t have a happy ending. 
Murphy looks away from you then, laughing bitterly. „My mother … she was never the same after his death … She started drinking. Blamed me for his death. Told me everyday that I’m a worthless good-for-nothing that’s responsible for his father’s death. She died three years after him … and I just-“
He stops talking then, shaking his head. 
„Murphy, I-“, you start to say, though you stop as well, not quite knowing what it is that you actually want to say. Murphy suddenly opening up to you is so confusing and his story so heartbreaking, you’re not quite sure what the appropriate words for this situation are, let alone if there even are any. 
„Anyway“, Murphy now says, voice tinged with bitterness, „I just - I had all this pai- anger in me and I didn’t know how to handle it, how to let it out. So I set fire to those rooms, got arrested.“ 
„Murphy …“, you say, your voice hollow, your heart breaking for the broken, angry boy in front of. 
He laughs dryly, though the sound has a wheezing quality to it that instantly worries you. „You wanted to know, didn’t you? Wanted to understand why I became such a jerk. Well, there you have it.“
„I do“, you say, putting away the needle and thread and looking at Murphy, meeting his gaze. „I do understand you, Murphy. I still think you’re an opportunistic jerk, but I understand, I really do. I - I know that it’s not worth much, but I am sorry that this happened to you, it’s awful.“ 
Murphy just shrugs, not saying anything. 
But he’s still looking at you and now that you know what to look for, now that you finally understand him better, you see the pain in his expression.
Not just due to the torture. There’s so much more, pain that’s probably been building in him for years and that he turned into sharp, pointed hate and anger, because he didn’t know how to deal with all of his pain. 
You want to help him, though you don’t really know how and why. Yes, he is a rude jerk and at Camp he was also somewhat of a bully, but you think that that’s most likely due to him not knowing how to communicate in something that’s not just anger and aggression. But you also believe that there’s more to him - that he’s not just this lonely, broken, rude jerk that that’s probably just a facade he’s hiding behind. 
„I understand, Murphy“, you say again, still looking at the storm of emotions in his green-blue eyes. Something shifts in Murphy’s expression then - he’s listening to you and something in his gaze tells you that he believes your words, believes you. „I truly do. But there’s more to life than just pain, anger and aggression.“ 
With that, you reach out a hand, softly grasping one of his hands with yours. You’re not quite sure why you’re doing it, you just know that you want to be there for Murphy, that you want to help him - and that you want him to understand that you truly mean your words. 
Murphy’s arm jerks, as if he wants to rip his hand out of your grasp, but then he grasps your hand, squeezing it lightly. He reaches up with his other hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 
Just like before, your breath hitches. But this - this is different than before. This time, there’s no venom in Murphy’s gaze, no quiet challenge, no pent-up anger. Just curiosity and something softer that you can’t quite describe. 
„I still don’t really get why you’re helping me“, Murphy says, leaning even closer to you. You’re so close that you could count the lashes on his good eye. You feel his breath ghosting over your skin and you shiver in anticipation. 
„But I’m glad that I let you.“ With that, he leans in even closer, searching your eyes and whatever he sees in them, must convince him. He presses his lips to yours and you’re so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to react. But just when you feel Murphy starting to pull away, you kiss him back, bringing your free hand up to his neck. 
You feel him smirk into the kiss and if you weren’t currently kissing him, you’d definitely roll your eyes at him. As it is, you continue kissing him, though you give his hand a squeeze that’s probably a bit too harsh. 
Murphy just smirks again, deepening the kiss and tangling his hand in your hair. You can feel your heart start to beat faster and there’s a curious sensation in your stomach that feels like those butterflies that you’ve read about in books. 
You lose yourself in the kiss, in the feeling of Murphy.
Kissing Murphy feels good, though his lips are chapped and dry and he hisses in pain when you overeagerly lean a little too much against him. But still - kissing Murphy feels good. 
And even though you’re still confused and you know that one conversation won’t suddenly make him sunshine personified - you like his dry sarcasm way too much for that - you also know that you want more. You want to get to know Murphy, really get to know him, you want to be there for him. And if there are more occasions to kiss him along the way of getting to know him and helping him, then you certainly won’t complain about that. 
Murphy gives you one last, bruising kiss, before breaking the kiss, breathlessly leaning his forehead against yours. 
„I - Murphy - what …“, you stammer, still too wound up from the kiss. 
Murphy smirks. „That was thank you.“ 
You can’t help but roll your eyes. „I see“, you say dryly. 
„For stitching me up … and for not giving up on me“, Murphy adds, his voice serious again. 
You smile softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of his eye. „I’ll be sure to stick around then.“ 
Murphy grins, though there’s a vulnerability to it now that wasn’t there before. „Doesn’t sound too bad …“ 
„Yeah, it doesn’t“, you agree, before leaning up to kiss him again. 
You feel him smiling into the kiss, causing you to smile as well. 
Yes, the road ahead is not going to be easy - this is John Murphy, resident sarcastic, rude asshole, after all - but you’re not afraid to walk it with Murphy. 
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popponn · 8 months
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call you later; 1.
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notes: what if you didn't pick up their call? they left a voicemail, in their own ways. characters: isagi yoichi, itoshi sae, seishirou nagi. [ part 2 : rin, bachira ]
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isagi yoichi
Probably felt a little bit sad you didn’t pick up. You are probably his first crush—and only, for a long time, maybe, and this boy is committed with capital C when he is into something—so don’t be too hard on him. Like, hey, his #2 after the soccer itself didn’t pick up his phone? Poor guy.
But like the considerate boy off the pitch he is, Yoichi will immediately give you a brief of what he wanted to tell you before leaving the classic note of ‘i will call you again later’. It won’t be overly long, as he prefers to talk to you rather than to the empty void of a voicemail. Or at least he intends so to seem polite and proper, until he stutters and tripped all over his words a little bit. It’s cute though.
All in all, probably one of the most normal guy from Blue Lock, as usual, and whatever sad feelings he had from getting his call not being picked up will be gone the moment he got the chance to talk to you. A little advice, just make sure to actually call him later—knowing you reach out to him as soon as you can will make Mr. Egoist pretty happy.
“Uh, so… are you busy? Wait—you are not picking up of course you are busy…” Yoichi trailed off with a nervous laugh. “But, so, anyway, about our promise to walk around Saitama, I was wondering if your schedule is free this Sunday? I got two weeks off Blue Lock but I kinda want to make sure we can do it as soon as we can, so if anything comes up—ah, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way!”
It took Yoichi a few seconds to gather his composure before he continued, “I mean, uh, yeah, I just want to do it with you soon. I will call you again so we can talk about it later! Work hard, or have a good time! See you!”
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itoshi sae
First of all, how dare you. He is famous and probably have people lining up for his number while you get him punching your number and didn’t pick up. Just for that, Sae might throw a tantrum, albeit a silent one.
On a more serious note, he will raise an eyebrow honestly, especially if you are the type to usually answer. But he is pretty independent most of the time, so he will only left a few words on the voice mail. In some occasions, though, when he just calls for the sake of listening to you, he will feel a little bit down. You can cheer him up later—you should, actually. Sometimes talking with Sae requires advanced mind reading technique and when he is a little bit down or pissed you really have to use that skill. Because boy, this guy is pretty constipated emotionally.
So, end notes, just call him real soon, okay? He might act cold and tough but he is also someone whose favorite show is Chibi Maruko-chan. He won’t say much in the voicemail or act like it afterwards, but he might really wait for you to call back, especially if he didn’t hear anything from or about you for a day. Though, honestly, just call him back or answer his next call before five seconds so everyone could be saved from his scathing vocabularies.
“What do you want for dinner? I’m picking you up later,” Sae said without wasting a second. “Hurry up and decide, then call me soon, got it? And in case you are thinking of anything funny, finish whatever you are working on first, then call me as soon as possible.”
For a moment, it was as if he was done. Then, a few beats of silence passed and he continued, “…and honestly… nevermind. Just call me soon.”
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nagi seishirou
Yeah, let’s be real—he won’t leave a note and just give up. He willed out energy to call you first and you asked more from him? Wow. The fucking audacity.
But, let’s say, he really really wants to talk to you at the time and is in a really really really good mood—it will be long, if only for the long pauses. He will speaks sparsely, like the personification of bullet notes, as he doesn’t really see the point in talking if you are not really there to begin with. But, at the same time, Nagi Seishirou is also a Blue Lock egoist and he thinks having you listen to his voice note for a long time is not exactly a bad thought.
In the end, though, he really just want to hear your voice, actually. So, sooner or later, he will end the note with a ‘call me soon’ and plays a few games while waiting for you. The guy really need to recharge whatever small battery he has with you, so you really better call back if you don’t want to deal with a pouty Nagi holding a petty grudge for three minutes. And come on, do it for Reo, dude has way too much on his plate already.
“Eh, why are you not picking up?” Seishirou started with a complain, before immediately staying silent for a long time. Clearly on purpose, rather than for trying to remember something. “…I want to talk to you, so call me later, ‘kay?” he continued, in the end. “Choki also misses you by the way. You love Choki, right? So you really better call me back.”
Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Oh, I also have something I want to show you. So, let’s meet up next week. That’s all. Later.”
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701 notes · View notes
revehae · 3 months
Text
hurts so good (2)
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pairing ↠ mark x you x jeno
genre .. warnings ↠ unprotected sex, degradation, slapping, impact play, cheating, cuckolding without the marriage, brief mention of nonconsented recording
summary ↠ jeno proves to be the perfect remedy to your bedroom problems with mark, but not without cost. the longer you lie to your perfect boyfriend, the more guilt builds like a plaque in your chest. but is it enough to make you set aside your pleasure?
wc ↠ 3.9k
a/n ↠ this the second and final part of a repost. part one here! happy readings lovelies!
don’t like it, don’t read.
“fuck,” you moaned.
“don’t talk.”
you bit your bleeding lip, trying hard to comply in spite of knowing your attempts would be in vain and you would ultimately earn yourself a smack. later you would have to explain to mark why you had a bruise on your bottom lip, and likely the rest of you, but you were of no mind to be worried about that right now. 
not when jeno was currently pounding you out against a wall.
you met his heavy stare. even his gaze made you feel small and dainty, like you could break if he just looked at you for too long. looking at you, jeno thought the same thing. you were such a pretty, fragile little thing, but you liked being broken just as much as he liked breaking you.
you wanted to loathe how good jeno made you feel in spite of hurting you all the while, but your body couldn’t lie and you were clenching around his thick cock, fighting back the most pathetic of whimpers. he was dangerously deep inside you, borderline fucking you into the wall as he tried to coax himself even deeper.
“jeno,” you cried out at a particular thrust, your back roughly hitting the wall. like he was of a mind to force you through it. 
your legs tightly coiled around his waist, drawing him into you like you were afraid of letting go, gave jeno the perfect opportunity to wrap his hands around your throat, hissing, “i said shut up. i’m not afraid of choking you unconscious if it means you’ll shut that big mouth.”
one of your arms dangled from his neck, and you used one to weakly try to pry his hands off your throat, though to no avail. jeno was stronger than you could ever dream to be. “i can’t… jeno, i…,” you choked out, struggling to speak and breathe.
jeno chuckled darkly, tightening his grip. “you can’t what, baby? say it. i fucking dare you.”
though you tried, it was difficult given that jeno had you pinned to the wall by your throat. you loved how effortlessly cruel he could get, firmening his hold because he knew damn well what you were trying to say.
he knew that you were struggling to breathe, and he didn’t care, cruel enough to choke you out even harder. you adored his cruelness because it was everything you wanted and everything you knew you could never have in the long run. he was your biggest, most tantalizing temptation. when you left his apartment that day, you told yourself over and over that it couldn’t happen again, but you knew when you looked jeno in the eye after he came inside you that this couldn’t be a one-time thing.
and so it happened again. a few more times.
you were beginning to lose count of how many times you had made the poor decision of getting into bed with him again (or, in this case, onto a wall), but you tried to fight off the urge and ultimately succumbed to your need for twisted pleasure. a kind you could only find in jeno.
it made you feel bad when you lied to mark, a gut-wrenching feeling that made you bristle with self-disgust. don’t lie to me. that’s the worst thing you can do, said his sweet voice, replaying on repeat like a mantra in your head. you could see the look on his face when he found out, the sting of betrayal. with his best friend, no less. but you were too far gone to stop now.
the most sickening part was that you had a terrible feeling that mark wouldn’t even want to break up with you, he wouldn’t fault you. he would beat himself over it and find fault in himself, which was even worse because he had done nothing wrong. 
so why were you letting jeno have what you swore to mark was only his - why did you keep running back?
you had tried to break things with jeno off, to restrain yourself and be a good girlfriend, but it never lasted for very long. it got to the point where whenever you told jeno that it had to be the last time, he would merely laugh in your face and scoff that you weren’t going anywhere.
he knew you too well. much like mark. it made you contemplate.
jeno let you breathe when you tapped his fist with your fingers and you sucked in a large breath like it was the last time you would ever inhale again. you never really knew with him.
“know a girl like you can’t keep quiet,” jeno said snidely. “feels too good, doesn’t it? you like being fucked like a whore too much to shut up.”
you tried to say no, to save what was left of your pride, but only a squeaky noise rose from the back of your throat. 
jeno asked teasingly, “do you get this noisy with mark too, or just me?”
you didn’t want to answer, face hot with shame because you knew the answer and it didn’t in any way make you look good. jeno, of course, already knew the answer. he had heard enough about you and mark’s sexcapades from both sides. he just wanted to hear it from your own mouth.
jeno grabbed your hair, not in any way gentle, and growled, “that was a question. don’t act all shy now.”
“no,” you whispered. 
jeno scrunched his brows as if he couldn’t hear you, pulling your hair even rougher. “what was that, baby?”
“no,” you cried out, partially from how forceful he was. “just you, jeno.”
jeno merely laughed and released his hold again. you swore it gave him some kind of ego boost to know he fucked you better than mark. you wondered if he cared, given that he was just as guilty as you for sleeping with his best friend’s girlfriend on more than one occasion, but he never seemed to give a damn. part of you envied his carefree nature, but another part of you wondered how he could be so shameless.
not that it mattered. you knew as well as he did that it wouldn’t stop you from crawling back.
“you’re the prettiest like this, you know,” jeno whispered, though not necessarily meaning it affectionately. “when you look like you’re falling apart, all these marks all over your body.”
you were so close to orgasm it was mind-numbing. and jeno was unintentionally going to be what brought you to the end, dangling over the edge.
“you’re close,” jeno stated, not even needing to ask. it was both awful and astonishing that he learned to recognize the signs. once upon a time, only mark knew your body that intimately. 
you nodded. then, begged, “can i please cum?”
“cum around my dick, princess. just moan my name when you do,” was all he had to say in retort.
and a couple of moments later, you were doing as told, arms looped around his neck as you clang to him and your legs tightening just below his ribs. you sang jeno’s name, and the cry was so sweet it brought about his own climax, an even sweeter sound leaving you when you felt his load inside you.
then, jeno carried you over to his bed in his brawny arms and threw you on top of his mattress to fuck those sounds out of you again. and likely all of your sense.
“we really need to stop,” you told jeno after a couple of rounds.
jeno groaned, half-tempted to duck tape your lips. “you keep saying that. then, you hit my phone when you need a fuck and you’re on my dick again. make up your damn mind.”
“but i like it too much,” you whined. 
“i could have told you that.”
you gave him a look.
“listen, it’s not my fault you keep spreading your legs for me. what the fuck do you want me to do when you’re the one begging me to fuck the shit out of you? tell you no?”
yes, because someone needs to control me. i can’t do it myself, you mused, having no rein on yourself whatsoever. your urges had a mind of their own. you couldn’t be the one to make yourself stop, and if he didn’t, then nobody would.
“don’t you feel the least bit guilty?” you asked, sorrow in your eyes. post-nut clarity was a bitch.
jeno shrugged. no, was the simple answer, but he didn’t feel like explaining himself right now. “is guilt stopping you from lying in my bed right now?”
“this isn’t about me,” you groaned. 
jeno laughed at that. “please. this is all about you,” he said. “i’m the middleman here. i’ve only been doing what you wanted.”
“you should stop doing that.”
“then, leave,” jeno said nonchalantly, picking up his phone as he pretended not to care. “you act like i’m making you stay here. you have free will. but i bet you’ll be back in no time at all.”
and you were.
it was maddening that he was always right. what the hell were you thinking? you couldn’t give something as good him up for another girl to fuck, because you knew you could be replaced in no time. you couldn’t even convince yourself that you didn’t want him. 
god, you had only been fucking him for a week and you were already addicted.
one night, you crawled into bed with mark after a hot shower, washing away jeno’s scent. you were facing mark, just staring at each other with complete awe, but a tear fell from your eyes.
mark immediately fretted, kissing your cheek chastely like he knew to and asked, “why are you crying?”
you shook your head. you couldn’t tell him. it would break you. “no reason,” you lied, whispering. “i love you.”
“i love you too,” mark said without a second of hesitation. he knew in his soul that you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. “i love you more than anything.”
don’t make this harder on me, you whispered to yourself, falling apart as you let your hand touch his pretty face. mark smiled at your touch, and you gave him a smile back. on nights like this, you could pretend everything was alright.
on the other end, mark didn’t know how to feel. you really thought he was a fool. and maybe he was. maybe he was foolishly in love with you, and that was why he pretended to not know. it was almost better that way. 
he was still thinking about last friday. 
how’d it go?
how do you think? 
she’s glowing. what did you do? 
it’s not that hard, mark. all you gotta do is slap her around a little. 
i’ll keep that in mind.
still on for friday?
you bet. 
wanna see? 
mark furrowed his brows. what is there to see?
[jeno sent one attachment] when you jack off to that later, don’t let her see. 
mark’s jaw slacked when he realized what the video was. you recorded it? what the fuck, dude? 
you’re welcome. 
you never noticed the far from perfectly hidden red flashing light, especially not bent over, too absorbed in how perfect jeno had been making you feel. mark had been reluctant to open it at first, but ultimately caved in to temptation, and he had gotten off to it countless times since then.
it made no sense how beautiful you looked being fucked into oblivion by a man that wasn’t him. 
on friday when mark left to run errands, you were back at jeno’s door. he gave you a scan. he could feel your anxiety from a mile away. 
“don’t say a goddamn word,” you hissed, walking past him and into his house. 
jeno closed the door behind you, chuckling in amusement. and as if he didn’t hear you, said, “i gotta give you some credit. it’s been like, what, five days? you lasted a lot longer than i thought you would.”
you narrowed your eyes at him and snarled, “didn’t i just say…”
jeno cut you off with a kiss, backing you into a wall. it was intense and greedy, and you could barely keep up, letting him take the lead while his hands roamed all over your body. the more you moaned into jeno’s mouth, the rougher he kissed you. if you didn’t know any better, you would say he had been impatient himself. 
you were both shirtless by the time he had pulled away from you, and your bra was thrown across his sofa in the heat of the kiss. you could see the arousal in his eyes, feel it in his touch, and it was driving you mad. 
“i’m tired of listening to you,” jeno growled into your ear, breath against your neck. “you’re gonna do what i want.”
all you could do was nod. jeno crashed his lips against yours again and kissed you the whole way to his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes in your wake.
you were so engrossed in the way his lips felt on yours that you didn’t even notice the other man in the room.
“breathe,” jeno told you when he pulled back, chuckling. 
you giggled, trying to catch your breath, but when you caught a glance of the bed through the corner of your eye, you nearly leapt out of your skin, shrieking, “mark?”
mark was silently sitting on jeno’s bed, eyes fixed to you. the look on his face was so unreadable that you couldn’t tell what kind of thoughts were running through his mind and you were borderline afraid to. your heart was racing quicker than you thought healthy. you glanced at jeno, baffled, but he merely gazed back at you with a smirk.
you stiffened. “mark, i... i thought you were… what are you…”
“i overestimated you. i thought you were smarter than this,” jeno teased, shaking his head.
you were frozen in your skin, scared to speak. 
“well, i technically was running an errand because i was talking to jeno about something, but you got here earlier than expected,” mark mumbled. 
jeno chipped in, “in other words, you’re so needy you did all the heavy lifting for us.”
“i… don’t understand?”
jeno threw his head back. “how much more do i have to dumb it down for you? mark knew about us this whole time. he set you up.”
you paralyzed with cold realization. it was all beginning to add up now. jeno’s nonchalance and detachment in contrast to your nerves. he’ll be glad it’s just me instead of somebody else, jeno had once told you. to which you replied, you say that like mark himself told you that.
because he did. 
you covered your tits, throwing mark a fretful glance. 
mark knew you better than anyone and spoke up before you could, “i’m not mad.”
“why?” you asked. he should have been furious. he should have ended things with you then and there, if not a long time ago. 
mark met your eyes tenderly and whispered, “because i just want you to be happy.”
this fucking loser, jeno scoffed to himself. “because he gets off to knowing somebody else is getting you off,” jeno added. “you know he asks me every detail of every fuck we have? he’s just as freaky as you.”
mark flustered. and so did you. maybe you were a match made in heaven.
“you both annoy the shit out of me,” jeno said, deadpan. then, he leaned into you and asked quietly, “wanna give your boyfriend a show?”
it was jeno touching you, but your eyes were fixed to mark. at those words, you noticed the slightest bit of excitement become visible in your boyfriend. what he couldn’t conceal, you saw glimmer in his eyes. so, without breaking eye contact with mark, you nodded.
“good girl,” jeno praised, before switching on a dime and growling, “bed.”
you knew what that meant. with no hesitation at all, you climbed into bed and mark gawked in astonishment at how quickly you presented yourself in a perfect arch at jeno’s command. he had you completely trained to bend to his will as if you were some sort of pet.
jeno was right behind you, grinning with unadulterated pride. he knew you belonged to mark, but you were also his now in some sick, twisted way. and he wasn’t about to give you back up. “good. you’re already watching each other,” jeno commented, amused. “don’t take your eyes off of him.”
“or else what?” 
jeno grabbed you by the throat, but it wasn’t harsh at all, much more like a warning. “fuck around and find out,” he replied darkly.
that sent a shiver down your spine. 
mark watched jeno position himself behind you, silent as could be. jeno slipped your panties to the side, not bothering to prepare you in spite of his size. he couldn’t imagine it. to mark, you were like some deity than deserved absolute worship. you moaned when jeno pushed inside you, tempted to tip your head, but fought it for now.
mark could feel his heart racing and arousal gripping him by the throat. he couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something about this that made him mad with lust.
your lips parted, tears making your eyes burn. you could still feel the lingering bruises jeno had left on your body that you desperately tried to hide from mark, because not only were they proof of your trysts, but mark would probably kill anybody that hurt you. except for jeno, apparently.
“she’s so tight, mark,” jeno groaned like you weren’t even there. “it’s like she gets tighter every time she runs back to me. do you ever fuck her?”
“it’s been a while,” mark said, sucking in a breath. he was getting hard. 
“clearly,” jeno mumbled. 
you whimpered, nails digging into the sheets to anchor yourself when jeno picked up his pace. which wasn’t after long. he was fucking you into the mattress before you even knew it yourself, making it all too difficult to hold eye contact with mark, and you broke it, glancing downwards. it was an impossible challenge from the start, that all three of you knew.
“jeno,” you whined, trying to pry his fingers from your hips.
jeno glanced down at you, seeing what you were doing, and asked, “where does it hurt? here?”
you bobbed your head. 
instead of making an effort to be more careful, jeno pressed his fingers down on the bruise, chuckling to himself when you cried out in a mixture of pain and shock. “eyes up, princess,” he whispered icily.
you brought your eyes back to your boyfriend’s, silently observing each other with a kind of telepathic communication. you had mastered that art in the past couple of years. there was no need for words. 
it was lewd and taboo. never had you done anything that felt as wrong as this; letting your boyfriend’s best friend fuck you right in front of his face, watching each other the whole time. but he made no move to stop either of you, merely standing there like a complete fool.
ironically, you were starting to understand each other better that way.
you looked pathetic as ever right now, tears rolling down your eyes in a stream. you made the wise choice not to wear makeup today, but jeno wished you would have. he always loved the look of streaks of black mascara running down your cheeks. it made you look even more ruined. but you never got like this for mark; most of the time, it was you ruining him. you liked making mark fall apart without doing much at all.
though to be far, you had never seen this side of mark either. had you known he liked it that much, that would have made everything a hell of a lot easier.
maybe this new situation could mutually benefit the three of you. you loved the grunts jeno made when he was pressed deep inside you, dragging his cock against your velvet walls. you liked when he put his hands on you and you could feel the sting for days. and you knew jeno loved fucking you, almost as if he couldn’t get enough of your body. 
“harder,” you cried. 
jeno cocked a brow. “you want it harder? you look like you’re about to break, princess.”
all you had to say to that was a hoarse, “break me.”
that jeno had every intention of, with or without your blessing.
mark was painfully hard at this point and made a move to take his clothes off, but jeno interrupted, “don’t touch yourself.”
mark shot him a look, flabbergasted and unsure if he should have listened or not. 
jeno beckoned him to approach the two of you. it was as if he had taken control of your relationship now. he flipped you onto your back, resulting in you emitting a loud sound of surprise. “hit her, mark,” jeno commanded, watching your face tense. “do it.”
mark stammered, “i… i can’t.”
“oh, for fuck’s sake. must i do everything for you?” jeno groaned, irritated. “it’s easy. i’ll show you.”
the pleasure of knowing he was about to hit you fused with the pain of his palm on your cheek and blended into something inexplicably erotic.
“see, the freaky little bitch likes it,” jeno commented, pointing out the dazed look on your face. “your turn.”
mark hesitated. he never wanted to hurt you, that was why he had gotten jeno to do the job. well, part of the reason. inwardly uttering a couple of motivational words to himself, mark gave you a weak smack to your cheek.
“lame,” jeno deadpanned. “but progress is progress.”
“harder, mark,” you whimpered, smiling up at him. “please? for me?”
mark could never tell you no when you looked at him like that, begging him with that sweet voice. so he gave in, hitting you again, even harder. you made a noise, face turning to the other side, which worried mark before he ultimately realized it was a sound of pleasure.
jeno laughed, on the verge of applause. “would you look at that.”
“did you like it?” mark asked bashfully. curse his need for validation. 
“mm-hm,” you hummed, sighing out in content.
mark smiled a tiny bit and his eyes fell down the rest of your body, spotting bruise after bruise. he had to give you credit; you had done an amazing job at concealing them, though the lack of sex definitely helped. now that you were naked, they were everywhere. apparently, jeno only put them in areas where they wouldn’t be immediately visible. he started to kiss them, one after the other, and much to your surprise, his tenderness somehow brought you even closer to finish. 
“i’m so close,” you told no one in particular, merely putting it out there. 
“come on, baby. show mark what it’s really like when you cum,” jeno said, grabbing a handful of your hair. “gonna let me fill you up with your boyfriend right there?”
you could do nothing but nod. you were chasing relief, chasing satiation. 
then, the thread snapped, and you came hard as ever. jeno was whispering mean words in your ear and all the while, mark was showing your body in affections, the contrast strong enough to give you whiplash. you moaned when you felt jeno finally cum inside you, and he pulled out to watch it drip from your stuffed cunt.
jeno glanced to mark and asked tauntingly, “need another tutorial or do you got it this time?”
you tried to catch your breath. maybe you could get used to this.
336 notes · View notes
writingdumpster · 2 years
Text
good boyfriend
pairing: Matt Murdock x reader
warnings: SMUT 18+, fem receiving oral, fingering, male receiving oral, cum eating, daddy! kink, p in v, creampie
summary: Matt's worried about being a good boyfriend because he's never had a relationship as serious as yours. To assure him he's a good boyfriend you tell him you love him the first time.
word count: 2,700
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“Come back to bed, Matty.” 
You were wrapped up in his blankets looking over at Matt who was pulling clothes out of his dresser. He had only gotten you to let him out of your arms when he threatened to pee on you. But now he was defying his orders to immediately return to bed. 
“Foggy called,” he said. “We’ve got a problem with the Asimov case.” He picked up a shirt and then went to sit on the edge of the bed. 
“Let Foggy handle it,” you said. Matt rested his hand on your hip over the blanket as he smiled down at you. 
“We’re partners, sweetheart,” he said. 
“No, you’re a control freak,” you said flatly. 
“I am not a control freak,” Matt said with a laugh. 
“Aren’t you, daddy?” You teased him. 
“Don’t start,” Matt warned. You sighed. 
“Matty, you told me that we’d have the whole weekend together,” you complained. 
“And we will, sweetheart. I’ll only be gone a few hours. It’s just a quick meeting,” he said. Matt started to rise. You reached forward and grabbed the hand that Matt had resting on your hip. 
“You promised, Matt.” Matt could feel the way you were staring at him. He could sense the disappointment in your expression and taste the salt in the air as tears welled in your eyes. It was the use of his name that changed his mind. You didn’t call him ‘Matt.’ Ever. You called him ‘Matty,’ or ‘Murdock,’ and even the occasional ‘Matthew,’ but never Matt. Not since your second date. He had to stay. 
“I did, didn’t I?” He asked rhetorically. 
“Yes. You did,” you said firmly. He nodded. 
“I’ll call Foggy and tell him I can’t go,” he said. He heard your face move as you smiled. 
“Thank you, Matty,” you said. 
“You don’t need to thank me,” Matt said. “I promised you. Wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I didn’t keep my promises.” 
“You’re a good boyfriend, Matthew,” you said softly. You tugged on his hand, pulling it up to your lips to kiss his knuckles. 
“Am I? Really?” His voice was raw and you could hear the fear in his tone. 
“Matty,” you murmured. You sat up from the bed and swung your legs over the edge so you could face Matt properly. You took his other hand in yours, your fingers tangling between his. “Are you serious?” 
“Yeah, I mean…I’ve never been with someone this long. I don’t know how I’m doing. And it’s not like I’m…normal,” he said. You chuckled. 
“You think I want someone normal?” You teased him. 
“You know what I mean, sweetheart. You got a lot more than you bargained for with me,” Matt said. There was worry on his face. You hated to see him like that, especially on his day off. You looked up at him. You still had his hands in yours but he felt miles away. 
“Sit down with me, Matty,” you called to him as you tugged on his arms. Matt smiled softly, the expression on his face lightening. He sat on the edge of the mattress, but you pulled him back further onto the bed so you could seat yourself in his lap, straddling his hips. He chuckled as you shoved him around.
“Was pushing me necessary to the conversation?” Matt asked as his hands settled on your ass. You pushed your hands against his chest gently.
“Sorry, do you want me to get off?” You taunted him. His grip on your body tightened. 
“Don’t you dare,” he said. You giggled as you slid your hands over his chest up to his shoulders, one of them reaching behind his neck to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. There was a moment of quiet as you looked over every inch of Matt. He smiled softly as he felt the way you were looking at him, knowing that just as he did with you, you paid attention to every detail of him that you could sense. 
“You’re a good boyfriend, Matthew,” you said after a moment. 
“You swear?” He asked. 
“Matty, the vase in my kitchen hasn’t been empty since we started dating,” you said. 
“Anyone could buy you flowers,” he said. He was a true Catholic, never taking credit for any of the good things he did.  
“But no one else ever has,” you told him. A frown remained on Matt’s face. You were searching for what to say to him to make him understand just how good he really was. “You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, Matty,” you said frankly.
“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” he said dismissively. He looked so forlorn and it was breaking your heart. You took a deep breath, gearing up to tell him something you had known for a while, but had been too afraid to say. 
“I love you,” you said. Matt’s head snapped up to face you. 
“Really?” He asked in disbelief. You smiled softly at him. 
“Yeah, Matty. I love you. A lot, actually,” you told him. Matt grinned. 
“I love you too,” he said. “Also a lot,” he added. You chuckled lightly. You leaned forward and kissed Matt gently, but he pulled you in closer, sliding his tongue into your mouth and moving it against yours. His hands explored the curves of your body beneath the old Columbia shirt of his you were wearing. 
“Let me show you, sweetheart. Let me make you feel my love,” Matt murmured against your lips. “Please, baby,” he pleaded when you didn’t respond immediately. 
“Show me, Matty,” you drawled. “I want to feel you.” Matt let out a low groan. He pushed you down onto your back sliding down between your legs. His fingers were drawing lines down your sides as he settled on his stomach. He found the waistband of your underwear. His head turned in your direction. 
“May I?” Matt asked. You nodded. 
“Please,” you whispered. He smirked as he tugged down your underwear. He pushed your legs apart and reached out his hand running his thumb along your opening. You were wet already. You were wet pretty much any time you were around Matt. He knew and he relished in the smell of you any time he was around you. It cut above the perfume you wore and the scented shampoo. It haunted his senses and made him desperate for you anytime you were near. 
“Hmm,” he hummed contentedly. “So wet. Is it for me?” His voice sounded innocent somehow. Sweet and unassuming. Like he didn’t already know the answer. 
“Of course it’s for you, Matty. Always you. Only you.” Matt moaned. 
“I love you,” he whispered. 
“I love you t—ahh!” Matt dove his tongue into your pussy, slurping at your hole before moving to lick circles around your clit. 
“You taste so fucking good, sweetheart,” he muttered against you. “Absolutely divine.”
“Feels so good, Matty,” you murmured. Matt alternated between fucking you with his tongue, suckling on your clit, and licking circles around it. He listened closely to your heart and your breathing, focusing on the same spot whenever your heart picked up a bit or your breath caught in your throat. “Matty?”
“Hmm?” He hummed against you. You moaned wildly at the vibrations 
“Your fingers,” you panted out. Two of his fingers found your entrance plunging into you at once. You moaned loudly as Matt began thrusting his ring and middle fingers in a solid rhythm against your walls. 
“C’mon, sweetheart,” he murmured against your body. “Give me what I want.” You let out a strangled moan as Matt wrapped his lips around your clit once more and sucked harshly, making your orgasm crash into you like a tidal wave. Matt kept his movements against your body until he felt your hand pulling at his hair tugging his head away from your body. “Feel good?” He teased you. He listened as you caught your breath, relishing in every moment that you were unable to speak. You smiled at Matt when you had recovered. You pulled him up your body and pushed him onto his back. 
“Your turn, Murdock,” you sang sweetly. Matt listened as you grabbed his underwear and pulled them down his legs. His hard cock sprang up, finally free of its constraints. You let out a small hum of pleasure at the sight and Matt smirked. 
“You like what you see, sweet girl?” He taunted. 
“You know I do,” you said as you settled between his legs. You reached forward and wrapped your fingers around the base of Matt’s cock. His breath hitched. You gave him a gentle squeeze. “Mmm. Can’t wait to have you inside me.” 
“We can skip to that part,” Matt called down. You chuckled. 
“No, Murdock. You’ve gotta feel how much I love you too,” you said. Before he could reply you leaned down and took the tip of his dick in your mouth. Matt moaned roughly. You sucked at the tip, sliding your tongue through the slit at the top of his cock. His breathing was growing more and more ragged, but you were still focusing only on the tip. 
“Take the whole thing, baby. Please,” Matt whined. You hummed a ‘no’ around him and he let out a whimper. “Please, baby. Please. Just a little bit more, baby. Just a little deeper.” You kept your focus on his tip and Matt gave a pained whine. He threw his head back against the mattress in frustration. You smiled around him before pushing yourself down his whole cock, letting him hit the back of your throat. 
“Fuck, baby!” Matt shouted. He jerked his hips against you and moaned loudly. You bobbed your head up and down a few times, moving your hand in unison with your mouth. Matt was gasping and whimpering when you took his balls in your free hand, squeezing them gently. 
“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna come,” Matt cried. “Don’t stop, feels so good!” His hand went to your hair, winding into it so he could control your movements slightly. You only made a few more strokes before you felt him spilling into your mouth. Matt was moaning and his hips were shaking against the mattress. You hummed happily at the taste of his cum, swallowing every drop. You leaned back onto your knees and smiled down at him as he came down from his high, gasping and twitching as he settled.
“Can you go again?” You asked when he had calmed. Matt chuckled. 
“For you? Always.” He said. He sat up from the mattress and smashed his mouth against yours. He wrapped his arms around you and flipped you over, throwing you onto your back. You giggled. Matt was kissing all down your body, every inch of you covered by him in some way or another. 
“Do you need a minute?” You asked. Matt’s lips popped off your nipple, licking over the nub before moving his lips up to your neck. 
“Tell me you love me again,” Matt murmured against your neck. You smiled. 
“I love you, Matthew Murdock. More than I’ve ever loved anyone,” you sang. Matt moaned deeply. 
“I don’t need a minute,” he said. You looked down and saw that he was hard again. You felt your heart throb as you realized that your love was what turned Matt on. You let out a small moan of your own. 
“Please, Matty,” you whined. Matt lined his tip up with your soaked entrance. He slowly began pushing into you, both of you moaning in unison as his cock stretched you out. You could feel every inch of him filling the emptiness that you felt when he wasn’t around. He was deep inside you, reaching places in your body that no other man had touched. He started to pull out again once he was all the way inside you, but you grabbed his hips and pulled his body into yours. 
“Wait!” You called. “I need to feel you this way,” you said. Matt nodded. He pushed deeper into you, so that there wasn’t any space between the two of you. “God, you’re so deep, Matty.” Your cunt flexed around Matt and he groaned. 
“Fuck, baby,” he muttered. “Your pussy’s so fucking tight.” 
“It’s your pussy, Matty. Belongs to you,” you moaned. Your hands moved to Matt’s shoulders, holding him firmly. “Fuck me, Matty.” Matt shifted onto his forearms and began slowly moving his hips against you. You lifted your legs and wrapped them around his hips. He began to hit you at a deeper angle as he sped up, creating a steady rhythm against your body. You started moaning roughly as Matt began rolling his hips. You dug your nails into his back. 
“Does that feel good, sweetheart?” He taunted. You nodded and let out a strangled moan in agreement. 
“Love your cock, Matty!” You cried roughly. He grabbed your legs, unhooking them from his body. 
“Turn over and get on your knees,” Matt instructed you as he pulled out. You whined when you felt empty again, but quickly followed his instructions. Matt took your hip in one hand and his cock in the other. He lined himself up and pushed his tip into you. He stilled his hips once he’d gotten his head in. You looked over your shoulder at him, wondering what the hold up was and saw him grinning at you. You were about to question him when he opened his mouth. “Work for it.” 
“Yes, daddy,” you said. You turned back to face forward as you pushed your hips back against Matt. He moaned roughly as he felt you wrapped all the way around him once more. You began pushing your hips back against him in a steady rhythm, pulling moans from yourself as you worked against his cock. 
“I need you deeper,” you cried. Matt leaned forward and grabbed your shoulder, pulling you away from the mattress and against his chest. He grabbed your arms, holding them behind your back. He began thrusting into you quickly, slamming his hips against yours. 
“Is this deep enough for you, baby?” Matt whispered in your ear. You felt his cock pushing into the wall of your stomach as his relentless movements continued. 
“Yes, daddy! Feels so good!” You screamed. Matt reached around your body with his free hand and began rubbing quick circles on your clit. The noise you made was almost inhuman in the amount of pleasure it proved. 
“Come on my cock and I’ll fill you up, sweetheart,” Matt growled into your ear. 
“Ohh! Fu–u–uck, Matty!” You cried. His words were enough to push you into your orgasm and you let out a high pitched whine as pleasure overtook your body. You shook uncontrollably in Matt’s arms and your eyes rolled back in your head. Your walls were pulsing relentlessly against his cock and he let out a deafening groan as he came into you. He fell forward onto the mattress, trapping your body beneath him as you milked him of everything he had to give you. 
You were both catching your breaths, your minds reconnecting with your bodies after the overwhelming pleasure of the orgasms you’d given each other. 
“You’re squishing me,” you murmured against the pillow when you had calmed. Matt pushed off you immediately, rolling to your side. 
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured. You shifted onto your side so you could face him and reached out to push some of the sweaty hairs off his forehead. 
“It’s okay, Matty. I still love you,” you said with a grin. Matt grinned right back. 
“I love hearing that from you,” he said sweetly. 
“I love being able to say it,” you said. Matt leaned forward and kissed you chastely. He was smiling in your direction, clearly dazed by how much he was hopelessly in love with you when panic spread over his face. 
“Shit!” He shouted and shot up from the bed, hands digging through his bedside table.
“What?” You questioned as you sat up from the mattress. 
“I didn’t call Foggy!”
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creedslove · 12 days
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BESTIEEE I know you’re probably not taking any request now but… since I’m a slut for angst… it came up in my mind reader and Joel being together, she wants kids, he doesn’t since he’s way older than her and already had Sarah so he’s not up to have another kid at his age and reader agreed with that for the sake of their relationship and because she just loves Joel so damn much so she’s willing to give up her desire of becoming a mom. But they’re like at a friend party or at the park and he sees her playing with some friend’s kids and her eyes just sparkle so Joel feels sad for taking away that from her and he gives her the talk “I love you but I need to let you go cause I just want your happiness so she can have kids with someone else and the end is up to you 🥹❤️❤️
No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader
A/N: hi bestie, I know it's been a few days since I got this ask, and even if I was focused on a certain cowboy, you can be sure this lovely idea hasn't left my mind because it's just so perfect and great, thank you for sharing 🤌
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• when you'd traced plans in your life, you had always established some goals: study, get a nice job, travel, be happy, get married and have a family. That was pretty much all you wanted from life, since it seemed only fair you could have it all
• what you did not plan nor expect, was falling in love with a handsome, older and charming man; the heart wants what the heart wants and in your case, your heart (and let's be honest, your body and soul too) wanted Joel Miller, but who wouldn't want him?
• he was big, broad, handsome, strong, he had great hair, beautiful puppy brown eyes and we were only talking about his physical features, although he was much more than that: he was also smart, hardworking, responsible, he was a great dad and even if he seemed a little shy or like he kept to himself, he had so much love to give, and much to your luck, he wanted you as much as you wanted him
• so you simply clicked, despite Joel being older than you; it wasn't a deal breaker for you, it never was, because if by any means that became a problem, you wouldn't even start dating to begin with; although there were some generational conflicts that was quite amusing to see: Joel referred to TV shows, some movies or ads you'd never even heard of in your life, while he didn't get why you always thought those stupid silly videos on your phone were so funny. He didn't really get Taylor Swift - or he pretended he didn't - and you would absolutely fall asleep midway pretty much every movie he claimed he'd watched at the movies when he was a teen and it simply kicked ass
• bur nothing that came even close to being a problem. Sarah enjoyed that exchange, she knew her dad was a modern man, she also knew he looked good by the amount of women who would shamelessly swoon around him, but she always worried he would simply lock himself inside once she took off to live her own adventures, so she appreciated how much you loved and cared about him, making her happy to see how much her dad really loved and cared about you too
• you both had a great relationship, it was mature, sexy, full of understanding, passion and partnership, but Joel being an experienced man, knew it was important to put all the cards on the table before you two were in too deep to decide what was a deal breaker or not
• so you both talked openly about your plans and ambitions for the future, your no's and things like this, to decide beforehand if it was worthy
• you were on board with almost everything, with the exception of Joel being honest and clear about the fact he was older, he had already gone through the fatherhood experience - which had been quite traumatic even if Sarah was the thing he loved the most in his life - and that he didn't want to go through it again, which meant kids were definitely off the table
• you felt your heart shattering; you've always wanted to have kids, and not only that, you could see Joel being a perfect dad to your kids, because not only was he already an amazing father, but he had all the great qualities of a partner, and perhaps a future husband, and to make things worse, Joel did want all of those things with you, he wanted to spend the rest of his life by your side, to give you his name and a home, but not kids
• and even if he knew you wanted kids and you knew it too, you decided to suppress this side of you, because you loved him so much, you thought it was worth sacrificing your desire to have Joel in your life; maybe life would be easier and better if you just stayed with each other, you'd be happy, no doubt about it, and just hoped you wouldn't feel incomplete at everything else
• Joel wasn't insensitive though, he knew that decision took a toll on you, it was complicated and it pained him to think he was the reason why you still hadn't made your wish come true, but how could he get into something he didn't want to? If roles were reversed, it would be too unfair to ask you to have his child, so he tried telling himself he wasn't holding you back
• however, what was so hard was that in addition to knowing about your wish to be a mom, he could see how good you'd certainly be at it; the way little kids and babies immediately took a liking to you, often wanting to play and cuddle and the way you were always so caring and attentive towards them, it always brought a pang into his chest, it hurt to see you not having it because of him
• as much as he loved you and cherished your presence and relationship, that guilt started eating him up alive; he was getting more and more upset about it, the way you simply didn't complain or insist on it also made him upset and worried, he didn't know what to do, he got to the point where he felt tortured to see you interacting with little kids, because he could tell how much you wanted that reality for yourself but he was stopping you from it
• when you both were invited to one of his cousin's baby's first birthday, you immediately accepted the invitation. Joel thought about declining it, but then, what could he say? he had no excuses of any sorts to simply say no, so there was no way other than going and that was it
• he was sort of enjoying the party, having a beer with his relatives and having some treats when he spotted you around the kids: you were having so much fun, simply the life of the party, as the kids giggled and cheered around you, all happily and excitedly, and you wouldn't leave them at all
• Joel's heart shattered, he couldn't keep on doing that to you, it was too much, he loved you and if you love someone you gotta do your best to make them happy, and in that situation he was aware he wasn't doing everything at his power for that, so he swallowed hard, as he took a decision, it was a hard one, but it had to be done
• so once the party was over, you noticed Joel's sadden expression, even if you asked him what was going on, he didn't say it, he just shook it off and said it was work problems, not wanting to extend the subject, you just shrugged and didn't say anything else, leaving the tension home, sensing things weren't going to be easy
• so a couple of days after the party in which things weren't great, Joel finally took the courage to come forward and talk to you about things
"I love you, darling. I swear I do, with all my heart, but I know I'm not making you totally happy, not as happy as you can fully be. I can't stay here, preventing you from finding someone you will really be happy with, someone you will be able to build a life with. You deserve it, baby. I can't give it to you, but I can't see you suffering any longer"
• it broke your heart, you didn't want to break things up with Joel, you loved him, but you were honored to see how much he cared for you, it wasn't easy to recover and get things back on track, having to remodel your life after breaking up with Joel, getting used to being without him, but time heals all, you learned after a while
• Joel also had to relearn how to live his life without you; it was complicated but he loved you so, so he trusted his gut in letting you go, especially a couple of years later, when Sarah came over to visit him with her new boyfriend and handed him her phone: she'd found your Instagram and it showed you happily married to some guy named Marcus Pike, apparently he was an FBI agent, gentle and good-looking and extremely excited to announce he was going to be a dad for the first time ❤️
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