#I just don’t feel like going through 29 hours of video. to find the clips. which I know is what I would end up doing. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avinaccia · 3 years

Text

A Completely Objective and Logical Ranking of Every Hetalia Character Song

New character songs are dropping, I have too much time on my hands, let’s go.

Also here’s a Youtube playlist for the ~✨nostalgia✨~

Bring it on in the tags

71. Ah Legendary Class⭐The Awesome Me Highway [Prussia]: Absolutely tearing it up on the drums and on the vocal cords alike (I pray for Atsushi Kousaka). Great for the memes.

70. Happy Thoughts Museum [???]: This is listed as an official song but I had literally never heard of the title. Then I listened to it and BAM! Smack back to 2013 watching the teasers for the show on Funimation. Not sure I’d count it as a character song though...

69. (Nice) My Song that is written by me for me [Prussia]: Deafened me but I can appreciate the industrial grind.

68. My House is...Quiet. ~With the Trolls~ [Norway]: I have never heard this song, nor can I find any version of it online. By default it goes here and I am so sorry Norge.

67. Make a Wish to Santa♪ [Sealand]: The discordant notes and childish exuberance only serve to make this sound like a demonic plea to Santa to eliminate the singer’s enemies.

66. Heaven and Hell on Earth [Rome]: Rome sounds like he’s been in the corner of a restroom. Extra points for the metal version, minus points for the fact that the beach scene was replayed like 1764 times.

65. Canada Complete Introduction [Canada]: Quiet af until Kumacheerio shows up and blows out your speakers. they did you dirty my darling 😔

64. It’s Easy!!! [America]: I don't think any video of this has ever stayed up for more than 20 seconds. Sounds cool, but like I was listening to 20 different genres at once, someone make him calm down.

63. Bù Zàiyì the Small Stuff ☆ [China]: I cannot for the life of me find the complete song anywhere, clips have a cool beat though

62. Let's Boil Hot Water♪ [Italy]: Exactly what it says on the tin..though a bit too close to elevator music for my tastes.

61. The Fragrance of Early Summer [Japan]: Very ‘from the books’ Japan-esque song

60. Peace Sounds Nice…[Baltic Trio]: All well and good until the radio demon shows up

59. W●D●C ~World Dancing~ [America]: How a song can sound like it’s from 4 different decades at once is beyond me

58. Overflowing Passion [BFT]: This is just drunken karaoke and I have 0 clue what’s going on #iconicforallthewrongreasons

57. Ren●Ren●Renaissance♪ [Rome+Chibitalia]: Wholesome Grandpa with Grandson content - barring the fact that Italy sounds on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Rome has had too much wine.

56. Roma Antiqua [Rome]: Similar energy to any one of China’s songs - there’s a part of the song where it sounds like he’s singing in the shower, and I will never not laugh at [CENSORED]

55. Country From Where the Sun Rises, Zipangu [Japan]: Very chill, very Japan, but just meh for me.

54. Moon Over Emei Shan [China]: Good message, okay song.

53. My Friend [England]: What a mind palace you must have Mr. Kirkland

52. With Love, from Iceland [Iceland]: Three words: Heavy. Metal. Puffin.

51. Having Friends is Nice...♫ [Russia]: Russia is the cutest thing ever

50. Mm. [Sweden]: Smooth transition from WWE Smackdown to shopping at IKEA.

49. Why don’t you come over? ~Beyond the Northern Lights~ [Iceland]: I don’t want to be mean but...this does sound like the second closing theme to an anime whose first closing was much more popular (à la Soul Eater)

48. Gakuen☆Festa [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Sounds like a 60s song of the summer but oh dear their voices do not go together. Hella cute though.

47. Wa! Wa!! World Ondo [Main Cast]: One time I travelled 10 hours in a coach bus with a bunch of teenagers to a city of note in my country, and the only souvenir I bought was the fucking PAINT IT WHITE DVD. Perfectly chaotic, UN ĐĕùX~~

46. In the Bluebell Woods [England]: In the album cover for this song he’s holding a guitar but this is not a rock song. Still has ‘running through the hills’ levels of dramatism though.

45. Poi Poi Poi♪ [Taiwan]: You’re telling me that Taiwan, someone whose has *ONE LINE* in Beautiful World (which is criminal tbh what kind of representation-) managed to get an eNTIRE CHARACTER SONG???????

44. White Flame [Russia]: There’s something to be said for a song that is 3x the length of any Hetalia episode

43. Ich liebe… [Germany]: Baking cakes for your friends has never been so wholesome.

42. We Wish you a Merry Christmas [America, China, England, France, Russia]: Nice to see they’ve gotten their shit together since United Nations Sta-hmm.

41. Ah, Worldwide à la mode [France]: Sounds like a Disney Princess song, hard not to picture France frolicking in a field of flowers.

40. Che Bello! ~My House is the Greatest!⭐~ [Italy]: Would not be out of place in an advertisement for Sea World.

39. May You Smile Today [Japan]: THE feel good song of the summer

38. Let’s Look Behind the Rainbow [Italy]: I will protect you.

37. I'm your HERO☆ [America]: “Anyone who’s sad or sullen will be arrested” did NOT age well.

36. Mein Gott! [Prussia]: Alternating headphone effect at the beginning is cool, so is the confidence...the actual singing on the other hand...

35. Nihao⭐China [China]: Listen, all of China’s character songs are great, I just can’t vibe with this one like some of the others.

34. Pechka ~Light My Heart~ [Russia]: I’m still having difficulty wrapping my head around the fact that this and Winter were released at the same time.

33. Pukapuka⭐Vacation [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Seems just a bit too much like they’re running on a treadmill that’s picking up speed and trying to sing at the same time. Peppy.

32. Santa Claus is Coming to Town [Germany, Italy, Japan]: This is unironically the best song sung by this trio; can only vibe with for two months out of the year though.

31. Excuse Me, I Am Sorry [Japan]: Japan’s character traits speedrun. Gives me barbershop quartet vibes for some reason but is catchy as hell.

30. The Story of Snow and Dreams [Russia]: A superhero anime opening in the making

29. England’s Evil Demon Summoning Song [England]: Sir that is not how you roast a marshmallow, don’t cut yourself on that edge.

28. Moi Moi Sauna♪ [Finland]: Exactly the type of song you’d expect and it’s wonderful

27. United Nations Star⭐ [America, China, England, France, Russia]: This isn’t as much of a song as it is a four minute struggle for everyone to sing without America yelling every 5 seconds...Like a particularly musical episode of Hetalia.

26. Paris is Indeed Splendid [France]: Paris-pa-pa-pa-paris

25. Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman [England]: Poppy, rocky, polka-dotty

24. Vorwärts Marsch! [Germany]: To quote the comment section: “This sounds like a German version of I’ll Make a Man out of you.” There’s some truth to that.

23. Hamburger Street [America]: The product of America’s rapper phase. 8/10 because he’s trying so hard and because I can unironically sing along to all of this.

22. Hoi Sam☆Nice Guy [Hong Kong]: A song that would absolutely destroy the ankles of anyone in DDR.

21. I Am German-Made [Germany]: There was once a version that had Germany and Prussia singing at the same time and it sounded positively demonic and Broadway could never

20. La pasión no se detiene ~Unstoppable Passion~ [Spain]: Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping...

19. Fall in Love, Mademoiselle [France]: Sounds like it should be in Mozart Opera Rock, I have kiss kiss falled in love.

18. Embrace the Très Bien Moi [France]: This is the definition of SELF LOVE PEOPLE.

17. Carrot and Stick [Belarus&Ukraine]: Absolutely DRIPPING in 2000s power ballad energy. The type of song that plays on repeat in the mind of the widow whose millionaire husband ‘mysteriously disappeared’ (and the only legit character song ever acknowledged by the anime)

16. C.B.C (Cowboyz Boot Camp) Vol. 1 [America]: AH MAH GAWWDDD

15. Winter [Russia]: Heavy metal fever dream and the perfect song for an angst-ridden teenager

14. Seychelles Here ⭐ Vacation Island [Seychelles]: UN👏DER👏RA👏TED SONG👏OF 👏THE 👏SUM👏MER👏

13. Nah, it will settle itself somehow [Romano]: One day I aspire to reach this level of chill

12. Let’s Enjoy Today [England]: I will never not feel happy when listening to this.

11. Einsamkeit [Germany]: Ludwig manages to air every single one of his worries about not being good enough compared to his friends and always being perceived as mean or uptight when he’s actually just a softie and now my heart hurts. 💔

10. Aiyaa Four Thousand Years [China]: A very poignant and beautiful song about the passage of time and the inevitability of its passing; comparable to an ancient ballad complete with explosive crescendos and meaningful lyrics.

9. Bon Bon Bon❤️C’est Bon C’est Bon! [France]: Peppy, cheerful, adorable, groundbreaking; has been my alarm tone for six years and I’ve yet to tire of it. 9/10 The moaning interspersed throughout has been an interesting wake-up call.

8. Let’s Enjoy! Let’s Get Excited! Cheers! [Denmark]: This is on par with Everytime we Touch by Cascada in terms of rage potential unlocked (the good kind)

7. Dream Journey [Japan]: Whoever’s playing the shakuhachi is absolutely KILLING IT. Dramatic, wonderful, great metaphors.

6. Gourmet’s Heart Beginner Level [China]: Absolute banger, I’m a vegetarian but this would inspire me to eat shumai.

5. Always with you...Nordic Five! [Nordic FIVVVVVEEEE]: Everyone harmonizes beautifully except for Denmark. Extremely catchy, number placement seemed appropriate.

4. Pub and GO! [England]: I love this trash man

3. Maji Kandou⭐Hong Kong Night [Hong Kong]: If you thought Denmark’s song was a banger JUST YOU WAIT. I WILL BLOW OUT MY SPEAKERS LISTENING TO LO-HA-SU.

2. Steady Rhythmus [Germany]: THIS SONG IS METAL AF. Seriously, if it can be classified as ‘hardcore’ by my father and his group of 50-somethings who have decided to single-handedly gatekeep the metal and hardrock genres, it can do anything.

1. The Delicious Tomato Song 🍅 [Romano]: Beautiful, absolutely awe-inspiring, poignant, catchy lyrics with an extremely deep meaning that only years of meticulous research and analysis can unlock, Romano I love you.

BONUS: Closing Songs

5. Hatafutte Parade (World Series)

4. Hetalian⭐Jet (The World Twinkle): The song is good, the dancing is cursed

3. Chikyuu Marugoto Hug Shitainda (World⭐Stars)

2. Marukaite Chikyuu (Hetalia: Axis Powers): nE NE PaPA

1. Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo (The Beautiful World)

93 notes · View notes

thebiasrekkers · 4 years

Text

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Additional Warnings: Graphic depiction of torture, graphic physical violence, captured/kidnapping, major character death

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 5,133

Tag List: @prisczero, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali, @shrimpmsg,

AN: And it all goes downhill from here, Ladies...

Chapter 51: Begin

“I can’t stand you crying. I want to cry instead, although I can’t.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Seoul – Samseong; Gangnam District South Korea

9:45 AM

Jungkook was three steps from heading to the insane asylum.

One step represented each day that he hadn’t been able to track Eden down.

He barely heard the words of comfort that Jimin was giving him. He knew that it had something to do with it not being his fault, but how could it not have been? He hadn’t heard from his wife in three days, assuming she got wrapped up with family affairs and was too busy to check in on the first day. The second day had him concerned that she’d gotten hurt. By the third day, Jungkook was at his wit’s end.

Only to find out that she’d been snatched up before she ever got the chance to leave for Daegu. He shouldn’t have put her second to his job. He shouldn’t have let her leave their house to go to the train station alone.

He shouldn’t have let this happen.

The image of Eden’s beaten form in the video clip was branded across the forefront of his mind. Hoseok was angry, determined to track down the Jade Fang members who’d done this. Jungkook was angry that they were still part of the equation. They should have been eliminated years ago.

It wasn’t like they weren’t aware of what Im Changkyun was capable of. They’d seen the vicious things he’d done while they were Jade Fang members themselves. He didn’t think it was necessary to attend district meetings, feeling the rest of the bosses were beneath his standards of proper mafia leadership. Hoseok was his only equal and it appeared that he continued to see him as such.

Divine Intervention prevented Jungkook from leaving the house that night and storming the stronghold of the Jade Fangs alone. He would have burned every single one of their businesses down; he was determined to do so. Jimin escorted him home that night and there was a parcel waiting at home for Jungkook. His brother made him a drink and when Jungkook opened the package, he collapsed on the floor and cried until he could barely breathe.

It was a gift Eden prepared for him for his birthday – a handmade model of his dream car. Seated in the car were miniature figures of Eden and himself. He didn’t remember passing out. He didn’t remember Jimin tucking a blanket over him. He could only remember Eden’s face, smiling as they shared breakfast together the morning she was taken.

“Jungkook-ah,” called Jimin, pulling Jungkook out of his inner musings. There was concern painted over his brother’s face and he took a breath, waiting for him to continue. “I think we’ve covered everywhere here.”

Jungkook said nothing. Instead, he pulled out the small notebook he carried with him and scratched out Gangnam from the list. For two and a half days, they combed every single section of Gangnam they could. There was a part of him that knew that the Jade Fangs wouldn’t be so arrogant to hold her hostage in their former territory. But there was also a part of him that could reason Im Changkyun doing something so ridiculous as a form of “poetic justice” against them.

To him, the Golden Jackals never disbanded.

“What about the others?”

Jimin sighed, leaning against the driver’s side door of the car. “They’re hitting the other areas. Hoseok called in some favors from the other district bosses to let us through.”

All Jungkook did was nod. There was something off about this whole situation. Very off. There shouldn’t have been a single obstacle in the way of the other district heads when it came to taking over their territories. Yongsan and Gangnam were completely up for grabs; Hoseok said as much. Jungkook could only guess that Changkyun’s influence prevented them from stepping a single foot into their turf. He more than likely was determined to get Hoseok and the others back so they could do a mass district takeover.

“I don’t like that Tae Hyung went off by himself,” he suddenly said, meeting Jimin’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he replied softly, “I don’t either.”

Jungkook frowned. “He still hasn’t checked in yet?”

“No.”

He didn’t want to prod any further. Jimin was probably more worried about Taehyung than any of them. While it was unsurprising that he went off on his own, it was unlike him to not have checked in by now. Taehyung wasn’t a morning person, which was why they all knew that he hadn’t slept while he was on the hunt.

Then again, none of them were really sleeping.

A soft ache throbbed at Jungkook’s temple. He pressed a hand to his chest, taking a small amount of comfort in feeling his wedding band dangling from the necklace chain. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle not knowing what was happening with Eden.

“Hyung, I—”

“She’s fine, Jungkook-ah.” Jimin’s words sliced through his own, as if he’d already predicted what he was going to say. When he met his brother’s gaze, he saw the reassuring smile tinged with just a hint of worry. “If I know her, she’ll make them regret the day they decided to take her.”

“Not before I do.”

Suddenly, Jimin and Jungkook’s phones chimed simultaneously – indicating they received a message. Both looked at their phones immediately and Jungkook felt his heart rate escalate. It wasn’t a matter of him losing hope as seeing the message renewed his vigor.

It was from Taehyung.

Taehyung: I found her. She’s near Namyangju in Gyeonggi-do. Somewhere in the Industrial District. I’m heading back now.

Jungkook looked at Jimin the same time he did. Without uttering a word, they flung the doors open to the car and hopped in. Jimin fired up the engine and punched it, speeding out of Gangnam. Jungkook stared at his phone as more messages came through from the others. It didn’t take him long to figure out that they were closer to that location than everyone else. It was a half an hour drive, traffic willing.

They’d get there first.

10:17 AM

Namyangju – Gyeonggi Province South Korea

Jungkook felt like it took them a hundred years to get to their destination. With every mile marker they passed, it brought him one step closer to finding Eden. One step closer to bringing her home. He clung to the smallest shreds of his willpower not to scream at Jimin to drive faster. They didn’t need to get into any kind of accident before they reached her.

Jimin swung the car into an empty street, the desolate district eerie even in the morning light. Jungkook tumbled from the passenger side, all but tearing his seatbelt from his body in the process. Jimin called after him, but he paid him no mind. His legs ate up the ground as he ran headlong into the central area of the decrepit buildings.

No one lived in the abandoned sections of the province anymore, but the government hadn’t bothered with tearing it down. His hope began to dwindle, realizing just how expansive the district was. It would take them hours to find her at this rate.

Resisting the urge to scream, he slowed to a jogging pace before stopping altogether. Running around blindly without a single clue as to where to look would get him nowhere. They were just wasting time. There was even the chance that the group would up and relocate themselves before they could even have a chance at finding them.

Eden would be lost forever.

He heard Jimin run up behind him, clapping a hand to his shoulder. Jungkook did his best to tether his scattered thoughts, chasing away the worst possibilities from his mind. He needed to calm down and think.

“There were a few cars parked near the back,” he said after catching his breath, “we might need to go up top to get a better idea of where they might be.”

Jungkook nodded, pointing straight ahead. “I’ll head to that building down there. Text me if you find anything.”

Just as he was about to take off, Jimin grabbed him – halting his movements.

“No, we stick together.” Jungkook opened his mouth to protest, but Jimin’s glare quickly silenced him. “If something happens, we won’t be able to do anything alone. We’re stronger together.”

While he wanted to argue, he knew that his brother was right. Even if splitting up would help them cover more ground, there was a good chance that they wouldn’t have a way to defend themselves if they got caught in a sticky situation. Jungkook did his best to push down his mounting impulsivities. Charging in blindly was foolish and would most likely get them killed.

“Alright, Hyung,” Jungkook said, relenting, “let’s go together.”

Not wasting another moment, they tore off down the center of the district – eyes rapidly searching in every direction their necks would allow them to turn.

10:32 AM

Minutes crept by at a snail’s pace.

Jungkook did everything he could to keep his head together. There were too many horrifying images playing rapidly in his head, like a flipbook that ended in blood splatters. Jimin stayed at his side, matching his pace as well as his fervor. Every so often, they would stop to peek into various buildings. They climbed up to higher vantage points to get a better lay of the area, dipping off to resume their search.

Everything looked so dead from the inside out.

A scream tore through the vast emptiness, causing Jungkook to trip over his own feet and he came crashing to the ground. Jimin was immediately beside him, grabbing him by the arm and hoisting him back up. Jungkook’s heart pounded double-time in his chest; it hurt. A cold sweat broke out over his skin and he couldn’t stop his body from trembling, even though Jimin rubbed small circles on his back.

“E-Eden,” he barely managed to croak, his legs shaking to the point where it was difficult to stand. Jimin continued to hold him up. “That was her!”

The sound was close.

Jimin said nothing. He continued to guide them along the path, turning around corners until he heard his wife scream again. It was even closer. They were almost to her!

He felt his brother release the hold he had on him and Jungkook involuntarily sagged against the side of a building. He didn’t know where they were or how deep into the district they’d gone. Jimin’s expression was focused and if he was feeling any sort of turmoil, it never showed. Not once.

The building they were pressed against was yellowed from age and neglect. Numerous cracks ran along the sides and bits of paint were peeling back; some pieces flying away from even the slightest gust of wind. The window had a long crack running from an upward angle to the corner of the pane; dirty and smudged. Jimin wiped a hand across the bottom to get rid of the dirt so he could see inside. Jungkook sidled up beside him to peek in as well.

He could feel Jimin’s vice-like grip on his shoulder, pinning him in place. Jungkook’s vision blurred momentarily before regaining focus, zeroing in on the image of his wife strung up like some animal. There were a few lackeys around and appeared to be bored – as if they were waiting for something interesting to happen. Jungkook felt the muscle at his jaw throbbing viciously as he clenched his teeth, grinding them in anger.

He wanted a gun. He would have emptied a clip into every single one of them.

Jungkook tried to move, but Jimin wouldn’t let him go.

“Hyung!” came his harsh whisper, but Jimin shook his head roughly.

“Wait, Jungkook,” he hissed back, finally letting him go, “just wait.”

“I can’t, dammit!”

“You can and you will.” Jimin’s words were final. “We don’t even know what kind of weapons they have in there. If Changkyun’s willing to play dirty like this, there’s no guarantee that his men won’t fill us full of holes with guns they obtained illegally.”

Jungkook wanted to protest, but he knew that Jimin was right. They needed to assess the situation fully before making a move. If they ran in there blindly without understanding what they were up against, there was a chance that Eden would die in the crossfire.

“So what now?”

Jimin continued to look through the window and he could see the wheels in his head turning. Strategy was his strongest suit so Jungkook did his best to be as patient as possible. A handful of seconds passed before he turned to meet his gaze.

“I’m going to go in from the front.”

“What?!” Jungkook gave him an incredulous look. “That’s crazy. Are you crazy?!”

“Shut-up and listen to me.” Jimin turned to look back through the window. “I’m going to draw their attention to me. This window is loose so as soon as I get them to chase me, I want you to go in and grab Eden and then get the hell out of here.”

He didn’t like this plan.

“There’s ten of them, Hyung. Maybe more. You can’t outrun them all.”

Jimin grinned, still peering into the building. “I can try.”

Jungkook grabbed his shoulder. “Hyung!”

He felt his arm being yanked off abruptly, causing him to take a step back. Jimin cast an icy glare in his direction.

“Do what I say.”

He wanted to protest again. He wanted to tell him that this was suicide. They should wait for the others. Wouldn’t that have been the smart thing?

But if they waited too long, then they may miss their chance. The Jade Fangs could probably swarm them, call for more men, and then overtake them completely. Jungkook knew that the plan was the best option they had right now.

It didn’t mean he had to like it.

Without waiting for him to agree or even disagree, Jimin turned and ran down one side of the building. He rounded the corner and disappeared on the other side, leaving Jungkook alone to wait. There was a distinct feeling of dread sweeping over him, telling him that there was danger to watch out for. But wasn’t that obvious? Didn’t they understand that, knowingly showing up to this place?

This was unavoidable.

A loud bang rang out inside the large interior. Jungkook peered over the bottom of the window, craning his neck as best he could. Light flooded into the dark space as he watched Jimin’s shadow stretching along the floor. All the men inside turned around, grabbing what weapons they had near them to launch an assault. Jimin immediately dispatched one of the lackeys close to the door before turning to run away from the building. All but two gave chase.

Now!

Jungkook thrust the window open, causing it to break further from the force. He leaped in through the opening and charged forward. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction caused by his entrance, Jungkook barreled into the man closest to him – taking him down with a swift grappling throw. The man landed on his head; a distinct crack heard from his skull smacking into the concrete.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, a flash of silver, and he dodged at the last second. Whirling his body around, he jumped back with his arms extended out as another man tried to hit him with a metal bat. Jungkook bobbed and weaved out of the way, moving just out of reach at the last possible moment. Pivoting on his back leg, he waited for the man to try to swing at him again before catching the bat in his hand and pulling it toward him. The man slid on his heels, the distance closing rapidly. Jungkook aimed a kick straight for his stomach and sent him flying.

He brought the bat down over the man’s head for good measure.

With the two men unconscious, Jungkook swerved around and ran toward Eden. He did his best to avoid looking at her injuries, not wanting to distract himself from the most important task he had: freeing her. As he looked at her restraints, he did his best to concentrate on her face. She was semi-conscious, the noise bringing her out of whatever fugue state she was in.

“J-Jungkook-ah?” She coughed. “Y-You shouldn’t be here…”

“Shh,” he admonished, his eyes flicking over her bindings, “save your strength.”

His hands moved with lightning speed, fidgeting over the ropes and chains binding her as she hung from a large hook attached to the ceiling. When he finally managed to loosen the ropes, he lifted her up by her waist so he could untether her from the hook. Her arms dangled limply around his neck; the chains clamped around her wrists jingling together with the sudden movement.

Her body lacked the strength to keep herself upright and she nearly collapsed to the ground. Jungkook held fast to her, moving her arms over his head so he could undo the chains around her wrists. He could tell she’d lost weight and she seemed almost a shell of who he knew her to be. He focused on getting her to safety – choosing to smother his fury into the pit of his stomach.

“Go,” she whispered as he held onto her, “get out of here.” She coughed again. “Leave me.”

“Not a chance in hell,” he snapped, draping her arm over his shoulder as he held onto her waist, “now come on.”

Jungkook wouldn’t hear anymore of this nonsense, even if it was coming from the woman he loved. She was barefoot, but there wasn’t any glass on the ground. If she didn’t think she’d be able to walk, he’d carry her on his back and dare her to say otherwise.

Shuffling toward the entrance, he could hear men yelling in the distance. But it sounded like it was getting closer. Jimin was circling back, probably to make sure that they’d gotten out. If they could hold out a little longer, the others would come and then they could cause a big enough scene to get the hell out.

Just as he reached the entryway, he turned to make sure the two men he’d dealt with were still on the ground. Satisfied that they weren’t going to be getting up anytime soon, he turned back toward the exit.

A shadow moved from the corner. Eden saw it before he did. Jungkook shuffled to the left. He was half a step short.

The pain didn’t register at first. All he could focus on was Yoo Kihyun who was now directly in his path to freedom. It wasn’t until he saw the older man take a step forward that Jungkook took a step back. But not of his own freewill. He was forced to step back.

The knife in his gut pushed him to move.

Eden screamed but he barely heard it. Jungkook nearly dropped her, but his stubbornness wouldn’t allow her to fall. Not in front of him; her captor. A chilling smile painted over Kihyun’s face as he tilted his head, peering into Jungkook’s eyes. It was like he was asking him what his next move would be without having to say it out loud. For a split second, Jungkook’s vision blurred.

Releasing the hold he had on Eden’s arm, he grabbed a hold of the knife and pushed back – pulling the blade slowly from his gut. Kihyun blinked in surprise at him, watching as he drew the older man’s arm away from his body while still holding his wife fast to him. Again, Eden screamed, but this time she moved with whatever strength was left in her body – arms reaching out in a feral manner.

She scratched her nails across Kihyun’s face, forcing him to reach up and cover his cheek. Jungkook stepped forward, pulling the knife completely from his stomach, before spinning it in his blood-soaked fingers to grasp the blade’s handle. Kihyun stumbled backward a step and Jungkook quickly closed the distance, plunging the knife directly into his shoulder and aiming a kick to his knee. He waited for him to hit the dirt before pulling Eden quickly behind him.

He didn’t have to express the need for urgency.

They both disappeared into a nearby cluster of reeds.

10:45 AM

Blood wept from the side of Jimin’s head as he rounded the corner of a building. He held onto a rusty metal pipe, clutching it at his side. He knew one of his ribs were broken, if not two, and there was a good chance he very nearly sprained his ankle hopping over a broken-down car to avoid being clobbered with a length of chain. He quickly did a tally in his head, making a note that he was able to knock down four of the eight that were chasing him. Two of them he tripped up along their pursuit and the rest were now trying to comb the nearby streets in search of him.

Hearing Eden’s scream forced him to double back toward the building where he’d left Jungkook. It wasn’t the sound of agony. It was of outrage. Something must have happened. He needed to get back to them and quickly.

Jimin wiped some of the sweat and blood from his head, spitting at the ground. Once his heart calmed down, he tried to ascertain his whereabouts. Just two buildings over and he’d be right back where he’d started.

Come on, Park Jimin. Calm down and focus.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out, eyeing the screen. It was from Yoongi.

Yoongi: We’re almost there! Where are you guys? Give us a landmark!

Taking a moment to breathe, he turned his head in every direction to try and gauge a decent landmark for the others to follow. There was a cluster of blue barrels far away from the abandoned buildings, just toward the edge where a large field of reeds were. He quickly texted him back, letting him know the location.

He slid the phone back into his pocket, gripping the metal pipe in both hands. Now he just needed to get back to Jungkook who, he hoped, had Eden in tow.

His phone buzzed again; this time in succession. Someone was calling him.

Dipping into a nearby building, he hunkered down in a shadowed corner to look at the phone. It was Jungkook. He answered.

“Jungkook-ah?”

“H-Hyung…”

Jimin could tell something was wrong.

“Where are you?”

“T-The…the reeds…”

He had to refrain from cursing. There were reeds in every direction. He took a breath to calm his nerves.

“What else do you see around you?”

There was a pregnant pause and he wondered if something was happening with the call.

Jimin-ah?”

It was Eden. His heart practically jumped into his throat.

“Oh, thank God he got you out. Are you alright?”

“Never mind that. Jungkook’s hurt.”

He could hear the frantic tone in her voice. Jimin tried to smooth his voice out in a way that would help take the edge off for her.

“Okay, just breathe. Can you tell me where you guys are right now?”

“I can’t really see anything. The reeds are so thick.”

“Can you see any barrels around you?”

“Hold on.”

It was only a few seconds, but Jimin felt like he was losing years off his life as he waited for her to answer.

“I can see some blue ones. But they’re far away.”

He resisted the urge to smile. They weren’t that far from his current location.

“How far?”

“Several yards. They’re across that dirt path.”

“Okay, good.” His side screamed at him from the position he was in, but he ignored it. “I want you to meet me there, okay?”

It sounded like she was about to sob which unnerved him.

“Can’t you just come here? Jungkook’s hurt badly and I don’t have the strength to carry him.”

Jimin hissed quietly to himself. I told him to be careful… He took a breath. “Alright, I’ll come to you. I’ll be there soon.”

“Hurry!”

Ending the call, Jimin slipped out the back of the building and made his way around the next bend. Part of him wanted to throw the pipe off in a different direction, hoping the noise would distract others away from his path. But if they got flanked, he’d need a way to defend Eden, Jungkook, and himself. Especially if Jungkook was as hurt as Eden claimed he was.

This isn’t good, he thought, tearing through the back alleyway and heading up the side of the street to disappear into the thicket of reeds.

10:57 AM

Even though he knew he’d only traveled a few blocks, it felt like he’d been moving for miles. Each turn he made, Jimin thought he was getting more and more lost. Every so often, he’d turn his head to look over his shoulder and spy out the buildings – making sure that he was still on a straight path to the others. He heard some of the other men shouting at each other, trying to figure out where they’d gone, and each of these times, Jimin would pause so that he didn’t give away his position.

Just as he was about to resume his search, he heard a distinct shuffling sound off to his right. It was close.

“J-Jimin-ah? Is that you?”

It was Eden. She sounded exhausted and halfway to the underworld, but it was her. Jimin quickly darted in the direction of her voice, parting the reeds in front of him as he went.

A lump of ice dropped in his stomach at what he saw.

There, cradled in her arms, was Jungkook. A large blood stain blossomed from his shirt and he saw Eden pressing his jacket to his stomach and putting pressure on the injury. She was crying, doing her best to keep her sobs nonexistent so they didn’t alert the others of where they were. She looked up, relief and despair battling for dominance over her features. Jimin dropped the pipe in his hands, his legs slowly carrying him toward Jungkook just as he spit up blood from his mouth.

“J-Jungkook-ah,” he stammered, collapsing to his knees.

Despite the obvious pain he was in, Jungkook flashed him a smile full of blood-stained teeth. “H-Hyung,” he managed to get out, albeit garbled from a mouthful of blood, “what took you so long?”

Jimin didn’t have the energy to snap back. He felt like part of his soul just left him completely. His eyes roved over Jungkook’s body, trying to figure out the cause of his brother’s current state. He lifted his gaze to meet Eden’s.

“What happened?”

“It was Kihyun,” she said weakly while brushing some of the fringe off of Jungkook’s forehead, “he came out of nowhere and—”

“That doesn’t matter,” Jungkook interjected, causing them both to focus on him, “Hyung, get her out of here.”

Another piece of his soul was pulled away.

“W-What?”

Eden shifted him in her arms, clinging to him in desperation. “I’m not leaving you!”

“Yes, you are.” Jungkook reached up to his neck, grabbing the necklace and popping it off in one quick motion. He smeared blood over his skin and clothes, holding it up for Eden. “Take it and go.”

She emphatically shook her head and Jimin could tell that even doing this was zapping her of what strength she had left.

“You bastard,” she muttered, curling her fingers into the fabric of his jacket, “how can you expect me to leave you? Huh?” Eden lowered herself, pulling him against her body to hug him close. “Till death do us part, remember?”

Jungkook did his best to wrap an arm around her, coughing more blood out and staining her shirt. “…and this…is where…we part.”

Eden shot back, looking down at Jungkook as tears streamed down her face, dripping onto his cheeks.

“J-Jungkook,” she stammered, her bottom lip trembling as her voice shook.

Again, he smiled up at her. “I love you, Eden.” He grabbed her hand and placed the necklace inside her palm, closing her fingers over it. “If…if I’m reborn, let me love you in the next life too, okay?”

Jimin could hear his own heart shattering in his chest.

“Hyung…take her and go.”

“But Jungkook-ah—”

“Please.”

Tears leaked out of Jimin’s eyes. It took everything he had, but he stood up and crossed over to where Eden was. She continued to hold onto her husband, refusing to let go even as Jimin tried to pull her up and onto her feet. She fought him but even she knew that she didn’t have the strength to keep it up. Jimin held her against him and they both gazed at the satisfied and peaceful expression on Jungkook’s face. He nodded to them, mouthing for them to go.

Jimin turned, hauling Eden with him as she wailed silently into the crook of his shoulder.

I’ll come back for you, Jungkook. I won’t leave you alone out here...

11:05 AM

He knew that it was only a few minutes since he watched Eden and his brother leave. In those few minutes, Jungkook believed it was several lifetimes. In those few minutes, he thought back to everything that led to this very moment. All the choices he’d made, the road he’d traveled, and the people he’d traveled on that road with along the way.

He regretted nothing up until that moment.

The only thing he knew he would have to repent for would be leaving his beautiful wife behind alone. They’d had a few chapters written in their life together, but they were pages filled with hopes and dreams for an uncertain future. Life never gave guarantees. The only certainty for life was death. It was the same for everyone.

The sun was reaching its peak over the skies. There were very little clouds littering the pale blue blanket above him and he wasn’t sure if it was the bright light that was making it difficult to see or something else. Jungkook lost feeling to the lower half of his body nearly two minutes earlier.

Again, he coughed and more blood sprayed from his mouth. Tears brimmed his eyes, slipping from the corners to seep into his ears.

My brothers…

Jungkook could feel his eyelids growing a little heavier with each passing second, but he forced them to stay open.

Eden…

But the darkness began to creep around the corners of his vision, blurring out the light until it was a faint glow in his line of sight.

He wanted to keep feeling the warmth of the sun on his face until the very end.

…until we meet again.

22 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1143

survey by brock-checkitout

Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.

What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.

Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))

Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.

Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???

Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.

Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.

What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.

What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.

Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.

What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.

Do you like cows? Sure.

What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.

What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.

What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.

Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.

Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.

Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.

What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.

Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.

What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.

Do you currently own a cat? Nope.

What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.

Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.

Do you like classical music? Sure, some.

What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc.

Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.

What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.

survey by carolynnnnonia

1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.

2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.

3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.

4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.

5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.

6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.

7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.

8. What color is your winter jacket?

9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.

10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.

11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.

12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.

13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.

14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.

15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.

16. Who did you last IM? Angela.

17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.

18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.

19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.

20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.

21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.

22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.

23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.

24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.

25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.

26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.

27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.

28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo

29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.

30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.

31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.

32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.

33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.

34. Are you wearing anything green? No.

#survey #surveys

4 notes · View notes

vanchlo · 4 years

Text

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty, “Close Calls”

All chapters can be found here!

Inspiration tag for the story!

I recently completed a character survey from Becky’s POV that you should check out!

Warning! This story contains mentions of: cancer, vomiting, chemotherapy process, and brief mentions of blood.

Sneaky peeeeeeeek!

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. The paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back.

Snowflakes flutter in front of my eyes, painting the world white. Cars zoom past on the streets down below, the size of my fingernail. Yeah, it sure looks like the first of February out there, the thought sounds inside of me. The festivities of Christmas are long over as a new year has begun. Thinking of what comes next leads to a disorganized mess behind my eyes. I try to rid my thoughts of it with a hard blink, but instead it brings something else forth.

February 1st.

It’s Harry’s birthday today.

He’s 29. Shit.

Flipping my phone over in my lap, my thumbs get working fast. But once that empty conversation is in front of my eyes, I stall. Before I chicken out, words appear on the screen quickly.

I read them over and wonder how they sound. Or, more like, how they would sound to him. Do they sound too personal? Do they not sound personal enough? Or am I worrying too much and it’ll just blend into all of the other birthday texts he’s sure to receive?

“I think if you stare at that thing any harder your eyes are gonna pop out of your skull, Ree.”

I raise my head to find the voice who said that. My dad. He smiles tiredly at me a few steps away. I laugh, realizing he’s right.

“What’s got your attention so peaked anyways?” he asks. His eyes framed with exhaustion stay for only a second. They return to the Arsenal football match playing on the telly.

“Um, just trying to write a text to somebody. But I don’t know if it’s good enough.”

“Don’t think about it so much, sweetie. I mean it, you’re probably thinking too hard about it,” he comments, scratching at the blue wool hat covering his head.

Sometimes I still expect to see the IV tubing dangling from his skinny arm. Like all of the other times at the beginning. Patches of faded red cover the insides of his arms from them now. You wouldn’t notice their small marks, but I know they’re there. The seconds of relief from their absence is whisked away when he tugs at his shirt. The moving of the material reveals the tubing leading to the port in his chest. The one I forget has been there for months when his shirt covers it.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him, and go ahead and hit Send.

Hi. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright. Just remembered it was your birthday. Wow 29, huh? Damn you really are getting old, you geezer. You better hurry and claim your senior discount now. No, but really I hope you’re having a good day, Harry. Enjoy your day. Have some drinks and do something for yourself, something you enjoy. I hope 29 is a fantastic year for you. Hopefully you’re not as run down yet as Chandler is.

I tap Send again, watching the clip from F.R.I.E.N.D.S go with the text marked by a heart. A smile pulls up my cheeks, thinking of the scene.

The three guys are sitting on the sofa in Central Perk and Chandler talks about not being 21 anymore. He’s 29 now and just wants to relax and go to bed at his bedtime, according to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” my dad comments, bringing my eyes back to him. A small smile pinches his sallow cheeks. I nod, thinking of those words, but in a different way. If only that could be said about everything.

Setting my phone down, I try to watch the match with him. I’m glad it’s taking his mind off of the poison coursing through his veins. But I’m distracted by the anxious excitement of waiting to hear a ding from my phone.

Point after point is scored and it doesn’t come. And I try not to be disappointed, but I think I’m getting rather good at being disappointed lately.

The last words of a Katy Perry song trickle from the speakers as I put the car in park. A soft glow pours out the living room window, waiting for me.

6:13 pm, the digital clock reads.

I let my head fall back to the head rest. The events of today and their emotions flood my thoughts. As well as the things I still need to do tonight. Bring in the groceries. Put them away. Make dinner, even though he’ll eat 5 bites that he’ll throw up. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Disinfect surfaces. Find time to vacuum when he isn’t sleeping. Change his bedsheets. Do la-

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

The incessant words forming inside of my head cease. Looking over to the passenger seat, my phone buzzes face down. I pick up and answer it without looking.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Becks,” a refreshing voice answers. It almost removes the heavy words inside of me, but not quite.

“Hi, Harry. How was your birthday?” I answer, peering down at my lap.

“It was pretty fantastic, thank you. ‘m sorry I didn’ get t’ yer text yestaday. Tha’s why ‘m callin’, an’ ‘cause I got yer gift. I love it, it was so nice o’ you! I don’ have this Fleetwood record yet, so thank ya very much. ‘s in incredible condition, too! Hope ya didn’ have t’ pay too much. I know how pricey original records can be,” his syrupy voice utters with extra sugar today. It fills me with comfort, but he also picked the worst time to call. Although, maybe it would help to get out of my head for a few minutes. If I can.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. I uh, wasn’t sure if you had it or not,” I reply slowly, unsure of what to say. I find it hard trying to pick out words from my head as so many others are whirring around. Playing with the zipper on my coat, I wait for his reply.

“I can’ wait t’ listen t’ it. There’s not a scratch on it, ‘s unbelievable. I got sum drinks with sum mates last night afta work, so tha’s why I forgot t’ text back. Had lots o’ fun tho’, an’ ate sum good food,” he narrates for me in an animated voice.

I nod at his words, wishing that would suffice. But I have to talk, even though yesterday I would’ve jumped at the chance to hear his voice. Well, I still would today. Just minus the jumping part.

“Good,” is all I say, amidst the lump building in my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe. But it doesn’t help, it never does. “I’m glad you had a good time,” I somehow manage. Cursing myself, I know he heard my voice crack at the end. Because so did I.

“Becks-.”

“I’m glad you had a good birthday with friends. It did sound fun. Um I’m sorry, but can I call you back? I was just going to run into a shop quick,” I cut him off, the lie knitting together fast.

“Ya sure, an’ thanks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later, Becks. Drive safe,” he replies, something amiss in his voice. But I can’t listen any further than that, or else the guilt will make the tears come sooner.

“Thanks, Harry. I will, and happy birthday,” I finish, not giving him a chance to reply before I hang up.

Because the tears already arrived at my last word. And he sounded so happy, and I couldn’t ruin it. Over the course of the few texts we’ve sent back and forth in the last month, it was the happiest he’s sounded. And I didn’t want to share my dark cloud, and reveal that I’m in the lowest of my lows. Another side of me selfishly wanted him to notice, almost begged him to. And that part is disappointed that he didn’t, but the other part knows that I can’t expect that. Or at least it tries to.

It’s going to take everything inside of me. To lift my head from the steering wheel and walk back into that house. And to do yesterday and the day before, all over again. Dole out the meds and write them down. Clean up the vomit. Cook the meals. Clean and clean. Endure watching the pain and suffering I can’t do a damned thing about. And on top of it all, try to deal with my own pain and suffering. Not to forget, the schoolwork.

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. Or the paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

“Hey, Becky. Could you do me a favor, love?”

The pictures of puppies I was looking at suddenly feels illegal. Closing my laptop, I look up and find Sophie standing in front of me. I still think for a split second that she’s the mom from The Princess Diaries when I look at her, even after a year of working here.

“Y-yeah yeah. What do you need, Sophie?” I ask, trying to sit up straight, for once.

“Could you run this down to the post room for me, please? I need it sent out today, and I have a video conference in a minute. I’d wait on it, but I know they pickup the post in about 20. I won’t make it since my video conference is an hour long,” she says, her lips lined in scarlet grimacing. She tugs at the end of her corkscrew brown curls, a nervous habit of hers. “I hate to be one of those bosses that makes you do stupid stuff, but-.”

“Don’t mention it, Soph. A little walk would be nice, anyways,” I insist, taking the large white envelope from her. She thanks me with a smile and a handful of ‘thank yous’ before leaving.

Standing up, I feel my joints wake back up with a few cracks. I smooth down my maroon blouse over my black dress pants. A shiver tickles my spine, and I decide to slide on my zip up black Columbia. The last thing I do before leaving is to grab my steel water bottle to fill up.

“Be right back,�� I let the girls know at the front desk. They nod with a smile before resuming their hushed conversation.

My pointed flats hardly make a noise on the tiled floor. It’s hard to look for a noise with the wind whipping around the snow outside. Just looking out the windows lining the hallway makes me feel cold, colder than it should be in March. And regret choosing these shoes this morning. I reach a corner and take a left, thinking back to when I first started and always got lost. I pass a handful of people on my way, familiar and not, and we exchange smiles or nods. I pass the doors for Human Resources, and wave at a friend. A gruff bailiff passes without either, but he was a little too scary looking to make eye contact with anyways.

I reach another corner, knowing the post room is only two turns away now. I take a right, but a few steps in, I hear voices. And laughing. My feet stop at the sound, and I turn around. The large doors to Courtroom 5 are down the hallway behind me. A clump of people stand across them talking, leaning against the wall under a clock. One of the laughs stands out to me from the others, like a musician can recognize a note. I can only see the backs of heads of those facing away from me. They shield the others from my view. My head goes from side to side with dismissal as I turn back around. But I don’t get very far, because I hear something they say.

A name.

It’s like it takes control of my limbs, and again I’m spinning around. I make it just in time to watch a figure break away from the group. Smiling and shaking hands, a laugh tickling their lips. And walk over to the drinking fountain. It’s Rose, one of the lawyers from Harry’s firm. Hmm, I think silently before walking away for real this time.

I soon find another water fountain and I decide to fill up. Luckily almost all of the ones I come across here have the nifty water bottle attachment. It was always a pain any place I’d go trying to fill it up directly from the spout. With the thick envelope under my arm, I screw the cap back on. Slipping my finger through the little handle at the top, I take off. But once again, I don’t get very far. Because this time I almost run into somebody.

“Sorry,” I automatically say before even taking a look at the person. But I don’t need to look when their voice tells me what I’m looking for.

“‘s alr- Wait, ‘s that you, Becks? Well hi, love,” Harry coos, his words catching.

“What, I don’t get an ‘it’s alright’ just because I’m not a stranger?” I joke, looking into his brilliant green eyes.

The skin around his eyes crinkles as amusement paints his face. Nodding, his growing curls dance a little on his head. “Yeah, I guess ‘s alright ya almost plowed me ova,” he jokes, his straight white teeth showing behind his happy lips.

Scratching at the back of his neck, his navy blazer pulls to the side. I see more of the cream button down underneath decorated with small navy polka dots.

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you,” I argue, trying to calm the happiness budding on my lips. But my control doesn’t last very long.

Harry replies with a breathy laugh, dropping his hand. “Oh hush, you. Now, what’re ya doin’ here, love? I hope yer not here fer a hearing,” he asks, swinging the leather messenger bag to his side. Probably heavy from his files and laptop, from the look of its bulging seams.

“I uh, work here,” I tell him slowly, my words escaping me. My fingers wrap around and lift the sleek card resting on my chest.

His moss green eyes fall to the lanyard hanging around my neck holding the access card bearing my face and name. I receive my answer when his expressive eyebrows shoot to the sky in surprise. “Here? Really, doin’ wha’?” he questions.

“Um, I do some clerk stuff back in admin,” I reply, watching his expression relax into a content smile.

“Tha’s great, Becks. That’ll look really good on yer resume when ya graduate. Good fer you, ‘m proud o’ you, darlin’,” he comments, patting my arm. I hardly know what to say with everything jumping around in my head all of a sudden. The arm pat. The beaming pride coating his features. The part where he said he’s proud of me, for the second time now. Okay, chill out, Becky. You can’t lose it, not yet. “An’ ya like it here? Are ya learnin’ more ‘bout law?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I work with a small group of people, and we get along really well. I mean there’s always that one coworker you don’t like, but what can you do?” I try to laugh, but I’m afraid it sounds fake. It’s okay though, because his laugh covers the doubt I hear in mine. And the nerves. “And I am learning, too. My boss is really great and I think she uses me being in law school to her advantage. It’s a match made in heaven, I guess.”

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that. ‘m happy t’ hear well, that yer happy,” Harry tells me with a smile framing his words. But when I look at it a second too long, I see the sadness in it. Suddenly, I regret my words, and how they sounded like he wasn’t a good boss. Or that I didn’t like it at his firm. But he doesn’t let me get too far into my thoughts, luckily. “How’s yer dad doin’? I haven’t heard from ya lately, but I undastand yer prolly real busy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I apologize, looking away with warming cheeks. But his automatic ‘’s okay’ and squeeze to my arm makes me look back at him. “Things have been pretty crazy with classes and being there for my dad. He started chemo again the beginning of last month, since they didn’t get all of the tumor, like they hoped they would. But I guess most people still do it to ensure it’s gone, or something like that. I can’t remember.”

“Stop, ‘s okay,” he says firmly, his eyebrows raising a tick. “How’s he handlin’ tha chemo? ‘ve heard that stuff’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, it is. It makes him really sick. It’s hard because sometimes he has to wait to do an infusion of it, because some levels of his are too low. Or they want him to be at a certain weight, even though the chemo makes him lose weight,” I explain, the words coming out effortlessly. “It’s hard to see him like this, and to still be a student and an employee during all of it. But my professors and boss have been really understanding and lenient.”

I bite back the tears, hoping they won’t fall without my permission. But one breaks loose from the gate as I stare at the floor. My flats are separated from his brown leather chelsea boots. Then after a blink they no longer are. I don’t make the decision to look up, but it’s made for me when I feel his thumb wiping the tear away. Peering into his gleaming green eyes always seems to make time stop. A warm smile places dimples in his cheeks, and does something to me. Like it always does.

“‘s okay. I can’t imagine how hard ‘s been fer ya, Becks. Why didn’ ya ring me? I woulda listened,” Harry asks me, his hand regretfully belonging to himself again. But there isn’t annoyance or anger in his voice. There’s emotions from the other side of the spectrum heard there. Like regret and sadness, and others I can’t fathom right this second.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Plus, I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” I confess, admiring the length of his dark eyelashes when they tickle his skin.

“Yer notta Debbie Downa, Becks, whateva tha bloody hell that ‘s,” he insists. A hint of his giggle meets my ears when I look at him weird due to that revelation. “Ya can call me anytime, ‘kay? Whether ‘s happy or sad, ‘d wanna hear ‘bout it.”

I nod at his words, savoring the sound of his voice. And what it said. His minty breath strokes my cheek as he’s close enough to touch. The words get lost in my throat as his familiar smell wafts over me, catching me off guard. “Thank you,” I mumble thoughtfully, seeing his head move in answer.

“What’re ya takin’ this semesta fer yer LLB tha’s so tough? I mean, I know all tha courses can be, but ‘m curious. Ya must be onto tha heavier courses by now, ‘s that right?”

“Well, I’m still catching up to where I should be as a kind of sophomore. Because they changed the degree around since I’ve been gone, so that’s kinda why I took Crim later than usual. But right now I’m taking Banking Law, Family Law, and Environmental Law,” I answer, watching my words register with him. He nods at certain parts, his brow knitted together as he pays attention to me, like there’s nobody else in the entire room.

“Ugh, those don’ sound any fun. I rememba takin’ those, or what were tha equivalent t’ ‘em when I was in uni. They’re tha ratha borin’ ones, an’ Family’s sad, too,” he comments, a look of disgust playing with his features. It’s amusing, but I get away with not letting it show on my face. Reaching to scratch his chin, I notice the stubble there. And the pops of color on his fingernails. Both fitting, I must say.

“Yeah they’re super boring. I’m surprised you even remember them, seeing as you’re 29 and everything,” I joke, earning a well deserved eye roll from him. But he can’t get rid of the grin showing on his raspberry lips. “Hey, I like your nails. It looks like you did a pretty good job, better than I could even,” I laugh and it grows harder when he holds them out for me to see. A wine red and turquoise blue decorate his fingers. But what gets me is that he puckers his lips, modeling like Zoolander.

“Thanks,” Harry titters, looking down at them. “Me little niece picked out tha colors an’ helped me paint ‘em tha otha night. But I think they’re growin’ on me. Already chippin’ tho they are, whatta shame.”

You let your niece paint your nails?

Wait, you’re an uncle?

Okay, the thought of you with tiny children is not helping things.

“You sound like a fun uncle.”

“Ya, I hope so. Harper says I am anyways, which ‘s quite tha compliment. Also, stop callin’ me old. 29 isn’t old,” Harry whines, sticking his bottom lip out at me.

“Oh stop it, you baby,” I giggle, and soon his joins mine. For a couple of seconds, we’re just looking at each other laughing and things couldn’t be better. But I’ve learned that good things can never last, and soon enough we’re interrupted by a voice.

“Harry, are you coming?” Rose says from across the hallway, a ‘hello’ to me following. The sweet sound coming from his lips soon fades as he looks over to her and nods. Pushing his sleeve back to look at his watch, he clucks his tongue.

“‘m afraid I can’ talk any longa, Becks. ‘m sorry. Rose an’ I are workin’ togetha onna case. It starts in half an hour, an’ we gotta go ova sum things befo’ it all starts,” he explains regretfully. I nod, acknowledging his words. And try as I might, I can’t get rid of the disappointment growing heavy in my gut.

“Yeah o-of course, don’t let me keep you. Good luck, Harry, knock ‘em dead,” I wish him with a small, but sad, smile.

A hint of one inches up his cheeks before he says, “Yer not keepin’ me, I dunno why ya always say that. I enjoy talkin’ t’ ya. ‘s nice t’ catch up again,” Harry tells me. As if in slow motion, I watch him take another step closer to me with outstretched arms. I follow suit and soon find myself in one of his hugs. “Ya ring me if ya need anythin’, ya hear me? Even just t’ talk. Maybe we could get coffee or tacos sumtime.”

The moment in his arms doesn’t last long enough, although I’m sure any amount of time wouldn’t be enough for me. Soon, I’m leaving the safety of his arms and again, I’m alone. “Of course. Thanks, Harry.”

“Welcome. Tell yer dad an’ Robbie ‘m thinkin’ of ‘em,” Harry rasps, and I just nod. “An’ take care, Becks. Good luck in yer courses, I know ya’ll do well.”

Happiness seeps through the sudden sadness with his kindness, and I muster a smile. And another thank you.

“Have a good day, love,” is the last thing he says, before he turns to walk towards Rose who waits for him.

“You too,” I mumble, watching him walk away.

Bittersweetness lines my thoughts, wondering if the sadness is worth getting to see him. And that hug. God, that fucking hug. They do fix everything that’s wrong, if only for a couple of seconds. It makes me wonder how much happier I’d be if I could have one of those every day, as a respite from the chaos of life. But that would only be in the case of if I was his-.

Yeah, I’m not going there again, I tell myself. And with that, I finally continue my journey to the post room, unsure of how I’ll be able to top that.

For the rest of day.

Week.

Maybe even, month.

The butter melts on my tongue and next the pillowy bread does too. I close my eyes and smile at the taste. Like home. Opening them again, my eyes flit over the half dozen crock pots and several other plates. Frowning, I can’t stop thinking about the meatballs, the macaroni and cheese, the sugar cookie fruit pizza, and the homemade bread.

But with a longing sigh, I walk away and leave the break room. Excited coworkers of mine pass me on the way to the food. My desk eyes me from across the room, but I ignore it. Soon, I find myself in the hallway. Twenty minutes left of my break after scarfing down the monthly potluck meal. It only gets better each month, and makes me wish it was weekly. The last bite of airy bread passes my lips. I wipe my hands on the napkin and toss it in a bin. The new storm delivers snow outside of the hallway-long windows. Although they’re frosted from the chill, I can still just make out the falling flakes.

My thoughts of snow are whisked away by the shuffling of feet. And hurried voices. It takes me a moment to figure out where I’ve gone off too. Soon, I realize I’m back by Courtroom 5. And that the people are bustling inside the doors to sit in the gallery. And watch. The sleeve of my zip up glides over my watch, revealing the time to be one o’clock. Quickly, thoughts come together like puzzle pieces in my head.

My break is over at 1:30.

It’s Friday, so it’s not like I really have anything important to do when I get back.

Sophie has been bothering me for ages to go and learn from the teachers I have just down the hall.

So she won’t mind.

And the only teacher that I can think I want to learn from is in there right now.

About to argue a case that appears to be available to the public.

I don’t remember telling my feet to move, but suddenly I’m behind an older man. And the scene in front of me changes drastically. It fills me with nervous excitement at the sight of the judicial panel, the jury box, and the witness stand. But I don’t have time to gawk, because the chatter around me is quieting down. I quickly find a seat towards the back of the seating in the gallery.

Silence follows the clanging of the doors shutting. Within a few seconds, everybody rises when the judge enters. But the rest of the room - the jury made up of all kinds of faces, the bailiff, court reporter etc. - melt away when I see that head of curly hair. I’d know it was him if we were in a crowd of people, but any doubt I had from afar is washed away when he speaks.

Harry and Rose take turns delivering their opening statement. They’re defending their client, the plaintiff, who from the sounds of it, was harassed by the defendant. It kills me to watch the opening statements unfold, even if all I can see is the back of the girl’s head. The hush over the courtroom is chilling, and goosebumps grow on my arms at the sound of Harry’s tone. His professional voice that I’ve yet to really hear before. Because although I worked for him, I was only his assistant. I never got to tag along to trials, or hear much about them. Yes, I did some of the dirty work for them, but I only saw the outside. I heard about how good or bad it was going, and then was dealt with the good news or bad news of the verdict. No more than that.

It’s awe inspiring to witness him arguing the case firsthand. The way he uses his hands to speak, or the times when his voice does all the speaking he needs to. His eloquent choice of words drills the emotion home, and is accented by the expression on his face. It’s often neutral, but at times, I watch him struggle to hide the effects of the words playing on his face. I find myself having a hard time doing the same when he returns to sit next to the plaintiff, patting her on the back during difficult moments. Unbeknownst to me, the defending lawyer may have been practicing for two years or twenty. But their skill wanes next to Harry’s, even though he’s been practicing for less than ten years. I can’t stand to watch the discrepancies and weaknesses in his arguments. Luckily, my break is over and I don’t care to waste my time watching Mr. Bow Tie over here.

I quietly leave a few minutes into his opening statement, hoping one day I can evoke as much emotion as Harry with my words. And hide from my face all of the ones that I’m feeling inside. Walking back to my department, a smile curls the edges of my lips. But then it falls, because I realize the mistake I made.

I just fell a little bit harder. Again.

“I’m gonna bring the dishes down,” I mumble, watching him nod at me.

The wooden steps creak with my weight as I juggle the tray of barely touched food. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. A piece of toast. And apple slices with peanut butter.

Options, options, options.

The plastic tray hits the counter with a hard slap, and an accentuated huff. I bend down and grab tupperware from the drawers. As I pour the soup into a container, the slam of a door upstairs makes me jump. My thoughts fly to the soup spilled all over the counter, but they stop when I hear another noise. Besides the tv in the living room, it’s the only other one I hear. It pulls my feet out of the kitchen and through the living room until I’m at the stairs. I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the top. The terrible sound carries down the hallway, leading me to the bathroom door.

I nervously rap my knuckles against the door.

“I’m fine,” my dad says from the other side, coughing.

“Dad, they said if it gets bad-.”

“It’s not bad yet,” he interrupts. There’s a pause when he blows his nose. “Please, Ree, I just want to be home. I hate having to go there.”

“I know, dad,” I reply, sighing when I hear him start to vomit again.

Walking away, I give him privacy. And my ears a break from one of my newest least favorite sounds. My fingers drift to my back pocket, sure of their actions before I am. Exhaling, I take a seat on one of the stairs.

It rings and it rings.

“Come on, pick up,” I mutter, bouncing my leg.

Kneading my temple, I listen to it continue to ring. And ring. Finally, it stops. But I’m not greeted by the sound I want to hear. Instead I hear their voicemail, making me groan. I listen to the old recording I’ve heard time and time again, but this time I just want it to go away. So I can hear the instructions, and that final beep.

“Hey, it’s me. J-just call me back when you get this, please,” I say quickly, the words running from my lips. Alongside the tears.

Dropping my phone onto my lap face down, my head falls in my hands. Noises surround me. Those of everyday life bustling around me. The sound of the laundry machine whirring downstairs. The hum of the tv. And the ones I try to ignore coming from the door behind me. The sound of the crying. And the vomiting.

I can’t keep my hands still. They go to rake through my hair. To cover my face. To play with my fingers. To make fists. I even try to sit on them, and it doesn’t help. And I can’t stop bouncing my legs, as my nerves jitter from the thoughts.

The worries.

The uncertainty.

It feels like an hour before I hear my twinkling ringtone. But when I see the time on my phone, it’s only been eleven minutes. I barely take the time to look at who’s calling before I answer it.

Clearing my throat, I say a shaky ‘hello.’

“Hey, I got yer message. ‘m sorry I didn’ answer, I was inna late meetin’, but I can talk now. ‘s everythin’ okay, Becks? Ya don’ sound so good, love,” he inquires. His caramely voice is the first comfort I’ve felt all day. My respite from this mayhem.

“No, I’’ll um, let you go. I don’t want to interrupt your meeting. I can call later,” I insist, guilt weaving its way into my words.

“No, yer okay, Becks. I stepped out. It wasn’t anythin’ important, anyways. I can have Myles tell me later. Now, wha’s goin’ on?” he tells me, but it doesn’t revoke all of the guilt consuming me. I grimace at the pain from my chapped lips when they smash together, salty tears flowing over their cracks. “Becks, talk t’ me, please. Yer not a botha, not ever. Please tell me wha’s wrong.”

“Harry,” I begin, not capable of any other words. Because that one has been constant in my head for the last twenty minutes. Ever since it started. It’s the one I’ve been holding in, and not been able to say, until now.

“‘m here, Becks,” he says. Never did I think three words could be so comforting. And at the same time, hurt so much. Because they’re true, and then they’re not. I want them to be true so badly I feel it in my veins.

“M-my dad . . . he won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. He had chemo yesterday, b-but it went fine. And then we had dinner tonight, and he hardly had three bites, before he got sick. It’s been like that all day,” I confess, leaning against the staircase railing. Letting it hold me there, because nobody else can. Because I can’t do it for myself anymore. “This happens sometimes with the chemo, b-but . . . . . it was getting better recently. I think I should bring him in like they said, but that means staying the night in the hospital. Again. I’m just so tired, Harry, I want all of this to be over already. I want him to be okay, and I want to feel what it’s like to be okay again.” I can’t get out another word, because the tears consume them. And the anxiety. And the exhaustion. My head falls to my knees and the hand cupping my mouth slides away.

“I think ya should bring ‘im in, Becks. ‘Specially if they said so. Don’ want ‘im t’ get dehydrated, that certainly won’ help things,” Harry murmurs, his voice quiet and controlled. “I know ya don’ wanna be there ‘gain, ‘specially twice in tha last two days. But he needs their help . . ‘s there anybody who can come an’ be with you? Maybe that aunt o’ yers who was at tha hospital that night? Robbie, or Skye? But I s’pose they’re 3 hours away in London . . . ,” Harry sighs, his words trailing off into the air. For some reason I nod, glad to hear that my reasoning for not wanting to ask them to come is valid.

“Yeah, it’s just me here. That’s how it’s been. Robbie and I switch off . . . But my dad doesn’t want me to bring him in, he hates going there. Being poked by them and everything. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day,” I cry, the tears soaking the knees of my ripped jeans.

“Ya hafta bring ‘im in, Becks. What if ‘s sumthin’ else, like tha stomach flu or sumthin’ worse? He needs t’ be able t’ eat an’ drink in order t’ get betta,” he urges, and finally I decide to listen.

Nodding at his words and the truth they hold, my lips part, “I know, you’re right. I-I’ll bring him in. T-thanks, Harry, for answering your phone.”

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sit up slowly. “Course, Becks. ‘m sorry I was a li’l busy when ya first rang . . . Um drive safe, ‘kay? Maybe bring yer laptop t’ do schoolwork or even jus’ t’ watch Netflix. Sumthin’ t’ distract yerself - a book, or headphones fer music.” His suggestions meet my ears, but they go through one and out the other. They’re not the kind of distraction I want, I think selfishly, but the kind I want, I can’t have. Because it’s you.

“Yeah, I’ll bring something. Thanks, Harry. Have a good night,” I say in almost a whisper, exhaustion stealing my words.

“Yer welcome, Becks. Lemme know what happens, ‘kay?”

I mutter an ‘mmmmhmm’ before hanging up, and trudging up the stairs. Listening for the sound again is hard, because I don’t know what I want to hear. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the vomiting, but the other part oddly does. Because if it stopped then he’ll try to convince me that we don’t have to go in. But I hope it hasn’t, because there’s something at the back of my head telling me we have to. Making me think we need to, because something’s wrong. And I know that if he’s stopped, he’ll tell me that there’s no reason to go in.

My gray striped socks stop on the hardwood floor in front of the door. I knock before I can convince myself to wait. “Dad?”

No answer.

“Dad, I’m bringing you to the hospital. Something’s not right, I just know it. You need to be looked at, and they can help,” I plead from the other side of the slab of wood. A sigh meets my ears and the shuffling of a body.

“Okay,” he relents. I push the door open and am met with his tear-stained face.

Trying to ignore the smell I’m by now used to, I wet a washcloth at the sink. Returning to his side, I bend down and wipe his face with it. And then his mouth. Tossing it in the laundry bin, I wash my hands. Watching him as I do so, his frail figure is slumped against the closed toilet. Embarrassment blanketing him like a sheet.

“It’ll be okay,” I try to tell him. But as I watch his barely there nod, I’m not sure if I believe it either. “Let’s get you downstairs to the car,” I say, drying my hands.

It takes us awhile, to stand up together. To get down the stairs, one step at a time. To slip on his coat. To grab my things. And to drive to the hospital as he threw up into a bucket beside me. But we got there, and the worst part still awaits us.

It pains me to leave his side, but I can’t handle watching them stick him with needles. Or the blood. Not after everything that’s happened in the last 7 months. Combing my hair out of my eyes, I begin my walk down the hallway. Yet another one.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” I respond to the voice I could pick out of a crowd. I try to prepare my words, but I’m not sure what to say. I’m so tired. “I’m at the hospital with dad. Everything is okay. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day, he’s been throwing up off and on. And after dinner, it got worse. They’re taking some blood now to run it for labs. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

“Shitttt,” Robbie replies, holding out the last syllable. Just like our dad. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ree. I’m surprised he let you take him in, but thanks for doing that. Yeah, I guess all you can do is wait until they have the tests back. Hopefully you two can go home soon,” he says quietly in a tone the polar opposite of the one he answered with.

I echo his words with a ‘me too’ before there’s nothing else to be said. And I let him go. I call Skye too to tell her, and because I can’t go back yet. I just need some time. She talks my ear off, but I’m grateful for it. She tells me about work, her newest boyfriend, the weather, and a show we’re watching together.

After I finally get away from her jabber mouth, almost half an hour has passed. I find my way back to his room in the Emergency wing. As I walk in, he shoots a tired smile at me. One I can barely make out amongst the dark room.

“Early bedtime?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He nods, barely able to keep his eyes open.

“Yeah. They did all their tests, and said it would take a little while, so fluids, anti-nausea meds, and naptime it is.”

“Good,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around his. Squeezing them, his dusty lips offer a laugh. Or the closest thing to one. He tries to squeeze back, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to when he’d nearly break my fingers giving my hand a squeeze. Somehow his hands look older than the rest of him as I look. His skin wrinkles among his bulging veins, liver spots, and freckles.

“You should too, baby girl,” he replies, surprising me. My eyes return to his face where he’s opened his eyes to look at me. “You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, I know it’s been a lot taking care of me for this long.”

“Dad,” I begin, an argument forming in my voice. But I don’t get any further than that.

“You know it’s true, and you’ve been doing a fantastic job. Don’t let yourself think any different,” he insists, the area above his eyes raising. But it doesn’t have the same effect with his dark eyebrows absent from his expression. A whimper escapes my lips as tears obscure my vision. Lifting our joined hands, he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Come here, my baby.”

It confuses me when his clean scent doesn’t surround me. But it’s there in a hint when I bury my face into his neck. His right arm pulls me against him, and I cry into him. It’s one of the only times I can remember doing this since this all started. I want to stay strong in front of him, but sometimes it’s too hard. I feel a warmth on my forehead, and my lips break into a smile at his trademark forehead kiss. “Get some sleep, sweetie. They’ll wake us with the results if they need to,” he tells me. I nod into him, feeling him scooch over for me to lay more comfortably beside him.

My words are taken away with a whooshing sound just as a ding meets my ears. A bubble appears at the top of my phone screen. With widening eyes, I hold down the bottom button for volume on the side of my phone. Peeking across the room, I exhale watching his chest lift and fall with every breath, his snoring greeting the air. My attention returns to the dings coming from my phone. I read the first one.

Me - a few minutes ago

Tests came back positive for some type of bacterial infection in his digestive tract. Starting antibiotics now. Keeping him overnight and until further notice for observation because infections can be scary with weak immune systems like his.

Harry

thx for the update. glad 2 hear it isnt anything 2 serious. its a good thing u brought him in when u did becks. thinking of u and him.

Thanks so much, Harry. I’m glad I did too. Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch again, yay!

Harry

get some zzzz’s love. might be a long nite. dont forget 2 eat.

Goodnight

My eyes don’t want to believe the clock when the growling of my stomach wakes me. Shuffling into the hallway rubbing my eyes, I swear under my breath.

“No fucking way it’s only 11 o’clock. Why can’t it be 8 am or something?” I groan, trudging down the quiet halls of the oncology wing. But I’m glad for the quiet compared to the craziness of the E.R. earlier.

Dropping my hand, I’m welcomed once again by the stinging fluorescent lights. And the packaged foods waiting for me behind the glass. Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I scan the many choices. Hmmm, salted nut roll for once, hostess cakes, sour patch kids, hard pretzels, jelly beans, or Cheez-Its? I wonder to myself, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

Another ding meets my ears. But when I lift my phone to my face, there isn’t a new text popping up on my screen. There are some, but they’re from an hour ago or longer. Weird, I think, staring at the screen and reading the words.

There’s a cough as somebody clears their throat. “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like dis,” they almost laugh, making me turn my head without a choice.

20 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

1 - Do you prefer having carpets or hardwood floors? Hardwood, for sure. My house has tile and carpet. I like tile, but hardwood is my favorite.

2 - When was the last time you took a bath? Is this something you do often or do you prefer taking showers? I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid; I only take showers.

3 - How often do you brush your teeth? Do you floss and use mouthwash as well? Once a day at least. I don’t floss or use mouthwash. I find mouthwash very irritating for my mouth.

4 - What’s your favourite way to style your hair? Do you do this hairstyle often or is it too much hassle for you? I only throw it up in a bun or pony tail cause I don’t have the energy or motivation do anything else. Such a waste, too, cause my hair is so long and could be styled in so many ways. I was never good at that, though. My hair never seemed to want to cooperate either.

5 - If you have your ears pierced, do you prefer wearing hoops, studs or drop earrings? Do you change your jewellery regularly? Small hoops or studs. I haven’t worn earrings since like March, though, and prior to that it had been years. I received a really nice pair last Christmas and wore them for a few months, but then for some reason the back of both of them started to like...get sucked into the hole? It was really weird and I had to take them out. Was not fun.

6 - What’s your opinion on clothes for dogs? If you have a dog, have you ever bought any clothing items for them? I think it’s adorable. My doggo has a few sweaters, a pajama shirt, and a “Adidogs” (haha get it?) hoodie. Some dogs absolutely don’t like them and you can tell, in which case take them off. We don’t leave them on for a long time either.

7 - Do you have a real or artificial tree at Christmas? Real. We got ours Thursday and we have yet to put it up and decorate. :/ I’m gonna make sure it gets done today.

8 - When you go to bed, do you go to sleep straight away or do you read or something similar first? “Sleep straight away” haaaa can’t imagine. Anyway, my nightly routine consists of ASMR, scrolling through Tumblr, surveys, watching TV, and sometimes I’ll read until I fall asleep.

9 - What’s your favourite snack to make when you watch a movie? I’m not a snacker anymore, but I do have to get popcorn if I go to the theater. If I’m just at home watching a movie I don’t usually have anything unless I happen to be eating lunch or dinner.

10 - When was the last time you had a milkshake? What flavour was it? It’s been a few years, but I think it was a banana shake.

11 - What will you be doing once you finish this survey? What were you doing before you started taking it? Most likely another one. Prior to starting this one I was eating and watching a YouTube video.

12 - Do you prefer the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? The Beatles.

13 - When was the last time you played a game of Monopoly? Did you play until the end or did everyone get fed up and start arguing? It’s been yearssss. Haha, I’ve never had a game that ended up in arguments. I always did play for quite awhile, though. There were times we wrote everything down to keep track so we could continue another time. Aw, I kind of want to play now.

14 - Have you ever won money on a scratch card or the lottery? How much did you win and what did you spend it on? I won a $100 once. I saved it and put it towards my Disneyland vacation spending funds.

15 - Have you been on a plane before? Where was the last place you travelled to? Yeah. We flew to the OC earlier this year for our Disneyland trip.

16 - Did you vote for or support Trump? Or were you glad that Biden won the 2020 elections? This election was such a joke.

17 - Do you have anything fun or exciting planned for tomorrow? Nope.

18 - Don’t you love it when you meet a dog or cat and they instantly love you, especially when the owner says “they normally hate strangers!”? Yeah. You can’t help but feel kinda special.

19 - Do you have to wear a uniform at your job? If so, what’s it like? If not, what do you tend to wear for work? I don’t have a job.

20 - Would you rather do a wordsearch or a crossword? Word Search. I love doing those.

21 - How old were you when you stopped believing in Father Christmas? I stopped believing in Santa when I was like 8, I think. It’s still fun to get into the spirit, though.

22 - Do you prefer multi coloured or plain white fairy lights? Both are pretty. I have a strand of multicolor mini lights hung up in my room.

23 - How often do you find you need to cut your nails? They don’t have time to grow because I’m literally always picking/clipping at them.

24 - What’s your favourite colour of skittles? Wow, I don’t even remember the last time I had Skittles. I was never really into them or fruity candy in general. The red ones were good, though.

25 - Do you have a favourite TV detective (eg. Sherlock, Poirot)? What is it that you like about them? No.

26 - Were you ever in any positions of responsibility when you were in school? I was a board member for a club in high school and in college.

27 - Will you be going to bed within the next hour or so? If not, when do you plan on going to sleep? No. Who knows when I’ll end up falling asleep.

28 - What’s your favourite thing to do at the beach? Do you get to go to the beach often? Sit from a close but safe distance from the ocean and watch/listen to the waves crash in and just get totally lost in it. It’s the only time I ever feel like I can relax a little. I love feeling the cool ocean breeze, too.

29 - What’s your favourite scent of perfume/aftershave/body spray? Is this something you wear often or do you save it for special occasions? My favorites are one with patchouli. I do like some sweet or fruity ones. Definitely not anything floral.

30 - Do you need to wear glasses or contacts? How long have you needed to wear those for? Yeah, I wear glasses. I’ve worn them since I was 9 years old.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

handmadecp · 4 years

Text

Dopp Kit Bag: Finished...finally.

Hi guys, as promised here’s the other little project I was doing recently, unfortunately I had to wait quite some time for delivery of some items to finish it, all covid related problems with the couriers, but we got there at last..with a funny ( if slightly annoying ) lesson learned. So..lets get on.

I wanted some high quality leather so purchased a half shoulder from ‘BuyLeatheronline’ (Tuscany, Italy.).I got a small piece for now because of Cost, and Brexit negotiations...or lack of at the moment. I mention it only incase anyone in the UK is thinking of buying their first piece from abroad and you are not aware that the value of something you buy from abroad needs to be no more than a certain amount or else you will incurr customs charges. check it out first. I bought a lovely factory dyed ‘Black’ veg tanned shoulder 1.5 - 2mm thick which I find is a nice thickness for bags and book covers etc. Then I purchased the pattern from ‘Dieselpunkro (Spain) who make great patterns at reasonable prices and you can buy them on PDF download.

Pic 1 : Taping.

Pic 1 and Pic 1A : After printing off the Pattern you’ll need to tape some of the pieces together to make the ‘whole’ of certain pieces as I’m seen doing here. I use Decoraters Tape as it doesn’t mark the leather when peeled off, the only down side it that sometimes it doesn’t stick very well and can ‘slip’ when attached to the leather that you want to cut out and it’s a C*w to line up again so a little easy tip..once it’s all stuck..take a small piece of tape and wrap it over the edges here and there to help it stay in position.

Pic 2 : Here you seehow the patterns should be looking when done correctly.

Pic 3 : Then it’s time to cut the pattern pieces out

Pic 4 : Be careful to cut along the black lines rather than outside of or inside of.

Pic 5 :make sure you have good lighting..I turned my bench light on just after this pic was taken, I have a light behind me and one in front , that helps to cancel ‘some’ of the shadows created helping you to see the lines better...especially if you wear glasses when ‘staring’ can make your eyes ‘wobble’ just when you are cutting an important bit. ( Yeah...I said ‘eye wobble’...it’s a real thing.....it is hahahaha )

Pic 6 : So just keep cutting until all the patterns are cut out and have all of the required holes punched. I used a round punch 1-1.5mm I find it makes a hole big enough to pass two needles across each other but small enough to close with a hammer tap when done to make a neat finish.

Pic 7 :

Pic 8 :

Pic 9 : You see here how I’ve taped it down to the leather to transfer the patter to it, at this point the tape was holding so I just ‘cracked on’ with it but if you think it’s going to come loose...put small pieces over the edges to hold it in position. Here I’m punching holes with my stitch awl as I was waiting on the delivery that had my smaller round punch in it, this did the job but was a lot slower.

Pic 10 : Lay the patterns on the leather as seen here.

Pic 11 : stick it down. another good thing about decorators tape it that you can see the hole marks through it.

Pic 12 : If you don’t have any patience..pick another hobby, there are hundreds of holes to punch and it takes time and you should line the punch up with each hole mark carefully, the better you do here the straighter yours titching will be later, ( however..you are going to ‘wobble’ from time to time..it is Handmade after all, but try not to at least. You can use a stitch punch as long as the teeth gaps are the same measurements as the holes on the patterns or else it won’t line up.

Pic 13 : Then carefull cut out the middle hole for the Zipper, I do find that the zips only barely sit on the edge when glued so unless you can find really wide zippers try to cut the hole a bit narrower than the pattern, I found it helped.

Pic 14 : Cutting out the zipper hole.

Pic 15 : Using the stitch awl to make the holes a bit wider. ( This issue was resolved once my new punch arrived as it made the hole in one shot. )

Pic 16 :same process to transfer the smaller sections, be careful if there are two of something that you don’t cut two ‘right or left pieces’ ( yup, done that too )

Pic 17 : We now have all the pieces cut from leather and all the holes punched, time to build it.

Pic 18 : The zippers finally arrived, I decided on a double zip for this one but it’s your project so your choice, they fit as easily as any other zips.

Pic 19 : I layed a line of 528 contact cement to fix the zipper in place ready for stitching. The 528 is really good..so good that if you use it as instructed..once it touches it is a sure bet it’s not coming apart, so until you are confident I’d choose a glue with a longer setting time incase you need to adjust position.

Pic 20 : Next I used a saddle stitch to attach it more permanently.

Pic 21 : I usually use a Stitch horse but this thing flopped around too much so had to do this ‘Old School’. So many projects on the go all at the same time.

Pic 22: Nearly there, takes a while so you need a lot of patience.

Pic 23 : Done.

Pic 24 : I bent the zipper section back on itself as shown and used a clip to hold in place whilst I stitched it

Pic 25 : other view.

Pic 26 : attaching the outer ‘skirt’ that the actual side piece will later be attached to, here I’m just aligning the holes to mark them where I need them. The actual mis-alignement came later.

Pic 26A : a closer look at a ‘skirt’ being attached.

Pic 27 : close up. You can also see here the strap section which has been riveted to the side piece ..at one end using silver double cap rivets. I always use double cap unless the back will be hidden from view, It’s a personal thing I just think it looks better ir when you look inside the rivets look as good as on the outside. Again..if you are making one yourself, it’s your choice.

Pic 28 Here’s a view of the side section that I’m about to attach.

Pic 29 : You can see I am using the stitch awl as well as the clip to keep the holes lined up...or so I thought.

Pic 30 : Saddle stitched all the way round.

Pic 31 : First side on now side two, a repeat of the same.

Pic 32 : almost there, if you are thinking of trying some leather craft for the first time, be warned, the thread can cut right into your hand after a few hours, at the very least your fingers will be sore, you never see it on my pics but I ususally have plasters everywhere just to prevent it, after almost six years I have grown more used to it but it can still get sore after a few hundred stitches.

Pic 33 : Oops. it looks like I took my eye off the ball and mis-aligned a couple of holes at the beginning causing a twist in the body as seen here, nothing else for it but to carefully pick the stitches and re do it being a bit more precise. As I said earlier..an annoying Lesson but a good reminder to check twice before stitching. But..these things happen and even after a few hours of stitching it can go wrong. If you can take it as a lesson and just move ahead...go for it, because it’s going to happen at some point.

Pic 34 : It’s all feeling a bit ‘De ja vous’ at this point as I begin to correct the mistake.

Pic 34A : After unpicking the whole side and skirt, I first did the skirt again and then I realigned the side using half tooth picks to go around the edge and kept doing this until it aligned perfectly and ‘sat’ nice and flat. Then I started the stitching all over again. Lesson learned.

Pic 35 : from another angle.

Pic 36: continuing the stitch but being careful that each hole I marked after aligning meets up exactly as before.

Pic 37 : using the clip until it’s got enough stitch to hold it in place the rest of the way.

Pic 38 Anotherangle as I proceeded to adjust.:

Pic 39 : Almost there. ( Thank god hahahaha )

Pic 40 : And Voila..all straightened out, no more twist and looking the complete business. A beautiful Handmade Dopp kit bag. But I guess it can be used for many things. I’ll sell this on to someone that will appreciate the hard work that went into it and who also appreciates real 100% Leather goods. This can be found on my Etsy shop as from tomorrow. ( Please understand if any of my projects are not on Etsy when you look, it may be that they have been sold already and that this post has aged a bit.) Well guys I hope this has inspired some of you to give it a go yourself, this particular project is a little more advanced, I wouldn’t recommend a beginner to try this as this Leather is expensive and shouldn’t really be used to ‘learn’ on. But if you bought a cheaper quality leather to practice on then I guess you could make this..if you take it slow and follow Dieselpunkro’s instructional video which can be found on their website by the same name. Thanks for following my little projects I appreciate it, please tell your friends. There will be more projects to come this year, so as always, Watch this space ‘Stay Crafty’ and Stay safe everyone.

#wash kit #wash gear #mens wash #possibles bag #leather goods #just for him #just for her #unisex bag #handmade bag

3 notes · View notes

canyongmc28 · 4 years

Text

This is a place for me to come to, to get shit off my mind. Things that have been absorbing in my head. Fantasies, thoughts, things that turn me on. Things that I would NEVER do in the real.

I am married. I have 2 beautiful boys and I love my family very much. Though my wife is NOT very sexually active. She is extremely hot in my book. She isn't sex talkative. She doesn't like bringing it up. Gets uncomfortable at times. And I'm the complete opposite 🤣.

I love talking about sex. Even in the most nastiest of ways... Like kinky, orgasmic, fun, different, etc. Like anal, for instance.

I am pansexual. Meaning I love and respect everyone for whom they desire or call themselves. Race, sex, origin, w.e. I'm not judgemental. She isn't into anal. Like at all.

Now I can eat the booty like groceries 😋. But I can't get my dick up inside of her. But my tongue can go as far as she will let me. Or my fingers (Fingers, only being 1).

I love giving and receiving anal. It feels amazing. But I have never had a real dick inside of me. always wanted to try it. I'm sure it feel way better than a dildo or toy. But, I can never get her to talk about tryin anything new. She's traditional in a way. But she is bi. And always wants to do something with another woman. But as soon as I bring up the topic, it all of a sudden becomes cheating???? Like TF??? How the hell does that make any Sense?

So, ur telling me. That it's ok for u to bring up wanting to try something different with another woman in our relationship. But me as the pan man 😂🤣 I can't. How the fuck????

Explain!

Please lol.

My wife and I were both born on the same month, same day, down to the same year. Even better, I was born 7 hours before she was. That's rare asf. We r both Capricorns. But I don't feel like I'm my sign. I act way differently then my sign. I act more like all of them in a way lol.

Off topic sorry. Already start drink 😅😭🤣🤣🤣🤣 💩🤦🤦🤦🤦

Ik, ik.... What is wrong with me? I'm married to a hot ass woman and she's not even in any kind of way like me lol... But we like and dislike alot of the same things. There r se things that r different from each other. But only very few things.

We r both about to be 29 in 3 months. Crazy how the time flies these days.

Our kids r about to be closer and closer to becoming preteens. So we feel much older then we r lol.

Again, off topic LMFAO 😂.

I'm extremely sexually active 😜. I love sex in all kinds of ways. Just NOT into BDSM, bondage. Or any other weird kinks alot of ppl r into.... I'm different and sensitive. But I claim myself to be a femboi/trap/trans. I have been thinking about goin through transition for a while now. But everytime I want to talk to my wife about it. She isn't ready for me to talk about it. It's not u, it's me. So why r u not ready for me to talk about something???? That make no freaking sense.....

Can anyone help me out here???

What am I doing wrong here? Is there any pointers I can get so that I may change something or the way I'm goin about this....

Now don't get me wrong. My wife and I r very hard workers. She works as an assistant manager at a pretty Kool restaurant. And I work 2 to 3 jobs. I do landscaping, construction, and mechanical work on the side. But between work and everything... There is little time to spend with each other. And it's like bruh.... I just want to spend time with my wife. And the thing so want to go and do, I can't without her. Because I want her to be there with me when I do them. So that she can witness it with me. To have that experience.

I'm a big teddy bear. Not that I'm a big guy lol. I'm not. I'm only 195 lbs. I've lost a shit load of weight in the past 2 years. I used to be 237lbs. So I'm doin good. But I still have that tummy. Which btw I fuckin hate.

I'm struggling here and need someone to talk to that isn't goin to point me in the wrong direction or judge me for me. I'm a really nice guy and it's extremely hard to find ppl like me in this fucked up world we live in. I love helping ppl in any ways that I can.

Alot of ppl judge me because I have no teeth. I have gingivitis. I was born with it. It means (only for those of u outtthere that don't know what it means) my gums and teeth naturally fall out of my mouth and brushing them only makes it worse, mouth wash makes them bleed uncontrollably. I have been to the dentist and they all have told me it's gunna take alot of work and time to fix my teeth and make them look and feel like teeth again. So in other words.... If I don't come up with $125,000 In the next 2 to 3 years. My teeth will remain like this till I die.... Wonderful.

Guys/girls/trans everything.....

😭😭😭😭 I hate not having teeth and as a grown ass man it tears me up about not having teeth. Like the other day I finally got to take my wife out on a date. It's been 3 years since we were even able to do that. I got something I haven't had in a while. It was mostly soft. We were talking and laughing. It's been a while for that too. I love seeing the look on her face when she laughs. It's beautiful.

But I bit down on my food and I felt something snap.

I was instantly like oh no.... What now.... Crossing my fingers I was hoping it was just part of the food. Praying to everything in me that it wasn't my tooth...

I spit all my food out and started to dig through my half chewed up food and feeling around with my tongue in my mouth what tooth it may have been. Then I found it.

I started to tear up and cry a bit. U have no idea how much it hurts to not be able to smile because I have no teeth. Or ur teeth r rotting out. And it makes u look like a crack head. Dude.... I'm a fuckin pothead. I have never in my fuckin life ever done anything but smoke fuckin weed and my teeth look like I'm an overdosing crackhead.

Do uk what that's like???? My wife is the only person I have ever met that doesn't judge me for not having teeth. She just looks at me, rubs my back and says maybe we should go. And being me, I'm like no it's ok. As ppl around me stare like what is wrong with him....

And me bek g the guy I am when I am hurting inside... Look over and go "WHAT??? HAVE U NEVER SEEN A GROWN MAN CRY BEFORE?". And they look away in such disgust.

Dude, this shit sucks.

Of topic in a way.

She is absolutely amazing. Idk what I would do without her. And I'm sorry for those of u out there that recently lost someone like my wife. Only u, understand what it's like to truly love someone as unconditional as I do for my wife.

And I feel u on so many levels.

She is one of a kind. As I am as well.

But, there r some things we still need working on. All relationships r not perfect. And mine is by far from perfect. Is not. And that's ok. I don't want perfect. I want different. But at the same time I want to be heard, just as much as she does.

If anyone has some advice, please feel free to message me.

So just so everyone is aware of my post.

I post things that I fantasize about on a daily. Things that I DO NOT ACT OUT ON. Things that just make me think. I have never done some of the thing I have posted on here. But I would love to try some.

My turn on r (for those of u out there that want to send me anything that I might like):

I love live videos of sex in any way. Real pictures of sex in any way. Anyone who wants to know more send me a message. I will get in depth.

Another thing I have been dying to try is having ppl send me money to send them videos or short clips of me riding my dildo or in my panties.

I do need some new friends who r into some fun stuff. I love public sex. Getting caught is the fun part. Gangbangs r a turn on. Orgies, parties, drugs, alcohol, school porn, I'm not into anything hairy. (No hairy dicks, or pussy pics) I like dog sex. Horse sex. Old and young. Gay. Twink. Shemales. Tranny's. Ladyboy's. Femboys. Traps. Sissies. Transgender. Toys. Dildos. Any positions. Drunk. Stranger. Public stranger. Police. Hospital. Ghetto. Teens. Kids. Underage. Anime. Hentia. Comics. Cosplay. Driving. Hitchhiker. Abduction. Kidnapped. Ransom. Random. Creampied. Cum swapping. Facials. Bukkake. Anal. Blowjob's. Handjobs. I'm not into feet. But, I'll try anything once. Cum covered. Public cum blasting. Fingering. Rimjobs. Ass to mouth. Masturbating. Parents. Cheating. Father daughter. Father son. Mother daughter. Mother son. Family. Incest. Pool. Tied up. Dungeon. Rape. And anything else u might think I like. Some of these I would love to try. Any videos of these help. I'm also a huge fun of black girls and boys. Big dicks. Pyt. Omegle. Vichatter, etc. Homemade. Anything illegal. Send me a message with w.e. u want. Hell. I'll even take links if u have those. Something that isn't going to give me a virus on my phone or computer. And get me any to prison. Last time I did that. I almost went to jail for murder cuz it was a friend of mine and he tried to set me up. I'm not ok with that.

It's hard enough not being able to talk about this shit with anyone. Cuz ur afraid they will think ur a pedo or something.

Fantasy. Those r the ones who need dick the most.

Thank u guys. Love u all. Hope to hear from u soon.

3 notes · View notes

mahou-queen · 4 years

Text

♡52 Weeks of Lolita Questionnaire♡

In a recent Lovely Lor video, Lor answered questions from Loliprompts’ questionnaire “52 weeks of lolita”. It seems like a fun list of questions and I thought I would answer them too~ ♡

1. What is your favorite brand, and why? What’s its history? ♡ I guess my favorite brand would have to be Angelic Pretty. I love a lot of other brands, but the majority of dresses in my wish list right now are Angelic Pretty. As for their history? I don’t really know haha, I guess I should research that a bit.

2. How would you describe lolita fashion to a curious person you met in passing? ♡ I always just say I am apart of a fashion club? People don’t generally require more than that but if they did I would probably tell them that it’s an alternative fashion based on Victorian fashion and we have a fashion club and we get dressed up and meet for tea and stuff.

3. What style do you think is the most underrated, and why? ♡ qi and wa lolita. I almost never see them, or see interest in them which is a shame because there are some really beautiful dresses out there that are suited for these styles.

4. What does the phrase “lolita lifestyle” mean to you, and do you, or would you like to, adhere to it? ♡ lolita lifestyle is when you try to bring lolita or lolita-esque aesthetics into every aspect of your life. Maybe wearing lolita every or most days, and having a very “loliable” home/room. I could never be a lifestyler because I have other fashion interests. Also lolita is not appropriate at my workplace.

5. What do you think constitutes lolita etiquette or good manners? ♡ I don’t believe there is any “lolita etiquette” I think you should just be yourself. Good manner are good manners, don’t be rude to your comm members, don’t dance on the tables at a tea party. But that’s just commonsense I don’t think there is a way to behave that is lolita.

6. Does your style change with the seasons, or do you dress the same and try to bear the cold/heat? ♡ I try, but admittedly I am awful at it. I try to keep berets in the cooler months, as well as long sleeves. BUT I’m a sucker for ankle socks and I wear them all year despite the cold and I do freeze my legs off at winter meets.

7. Do you have a fashion role-model? What do you admire most about them? ♡ I actually have several! I will list them and their instagrams here: sleepyriri - Her coords are so dreamy looking, very light floaty aesthetic which I love. She also has her own lolita brand! Le_verger_sucre - Her coords are so pink and princess-y. I find myself sharing her photos a lot. Fannyrosie - the classic lolita queen. Need I say more? Tokimeki.bunny - I love the cuteness of her coords. They always have a lot of extra elements and are so well balanced. She’s also really good at coordinating printed tights which I am awful at. Tsumikko - Lavender QUEEN! I love her use of aprons, layering, and color balancing. Very light, floaty vibes. Milkcircus - Print QUEEN. Her use of prints and patterns absolutely inspires me. Coords are always very multi-dimensional Cursed.Kaiser - They’re coords are honestly so cool, there’s a kind of drama in them that I really like. Darkxdelirium - She almost made me want honey cake with her impeccable coording skills.

8. What are the top 10 things you love most about lolita? Can you also compile a list of things you hate? ♡ I don’t think I can come up with 10 but I’ll do my best. ♡ Loves: The community aspect, the ability to reclaim my femininity through lolita, the creativity that goes into building coords, crafting to make one of a kind pieces, being able to feel beautiful without being “sexy”, having a hobby to focus on when I need something to escape to.

♡ Hates: Second-hand market price fluctuation, brands still releasing dresses with a max 96cm bust, buying petticoats, storing my stuff (especially purses), brands who charge astronomical prices for low quality materials (AP purses, Q-pot jewelry, etc).

9. How strict are you in applying the rules to yourself? To others? ♡ I am pretty strict on myself. For a long time I was terrified to be seen as ita. I was even afraid to wear bodyline for fear of being ”ita” even though my coord was good. These days I am less strict on myself and worry much less about these things, but I still struggle to get out of the strict mindset from time to time. others? I love experimentation even if I am afraid to do so so I am really not too strict on others, if it works, it works, and I am not going to criticize anyone.

10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever incorporated into a coord, or the weirdest material you’ve ever worn? ♡ The weirdest thing I think I have ever worn in a coord were a pair of korilakkuma bell earrings. As you can imagine, bells on your ears? not great.

11. What’s the story behind your discovery of lolita fashion? ♡ When I was a senior in high school, a new girl started attending my school. She wore fairy kei and sweet lolita to school. We became friends through art class and eventually she ended up teaching me about the fashion. She sold me my first dress, and later my first brand piece. I am really glad to have met her and to have been exposed to lolita. You can follow her on instagram here

12. What is the one item that you’ve owned the longest? ♡ I still own my very first dress I got in 2012. Bodyline Squirrel Party. However, I am planning to sell it since I’ve worn it in everyway I can think of.

13. Do you think lolita is only about clothes, or does it also encompass a certain attitude or mindset? ♡ Lolita is about the fashion. All kinds of people are lolitas and they like it or wear it for different reasons.

14. Have you ever decorated a room or other space (car?) with lolita aesthetics in mind? ♡ My old bedroom used to be very “kawaii”. I love pink so my car stuff, my desk, as much as I can get away with, is pink.

15. Is it possible to be too obsessed with lolita? ♡ If lolita is interfering with your ability to pay your bills, or to be happy, or to focus on school or work or family then you should probably pull back. Some people do get very absorbed by things and in those cases it can become too much.

16. What are you favorite and least favorite trends? Do you think it’s important to follow them, or to do as you like regardless of them? ♡ My favorite trend ever is the chiffon half blouse. So comfortable, affordable, light, cute, and much more size inclusive. Least favorite trend? mis-matched shoes from the 2010 era. I like my shoes to get equal wear. I think these days more than ever, you can really just do whatever you want. Wear the fashion is right now is like anything goes which I think is great,

17. How do you define “lolita cosplay” and how do you feel about it? ♡ Lolita cosplay is stupid. sorry

18. Are there other fashions that you wear regularly, or are you an everyday lolita? ♡ I don't wear other street fashions anymore. I used to wear fairy kei and himekaji but these days I just dress regular outside of lolita.

19. Do you look for bargains to save as much money as possible, or are you willing to make sacrifices for high-quality products? ♡ I try to find the best prices when applicable but if I am in love with something I’ll do what I have to do.

20. When was the last time you wore lolita, and what did you do that day? If you wear it daily, when was the last time you went OTT or extra-fancy? ♡ The last time I wore lolita was in April lmao. For a virtual meet-up with my comm.

21. If you were to combine lolita fashion with an unrelated style or theme, what would your new creation be? ♡uhhhh I honestly have no idea at all.

22. What is your favorite accessory, and why is it your favorite? ♡ I have 2, 2-way bow clips from back when bodyline had a massive “sundries” section. They're no longer available and haven't been for a long time. I am really glad I got them, I wish I had bought more sundries when that section was still there.

23. What’s your favorite online lolita community or forum? Are there any that you avoid? ♡ I don’t have a favorite tbh. I have never been on 4chan and I never will be.

24. What is your favorite theme (e.g. school loli, pirate loli, nurse loli) or motif (e.g. deer, music notes, stars/constellations)? ♡ black and gold stars! Valentines day! fruits! gingham!

25. Is there any music that you associate with lolita? ♡ orange caramel lol

26. Will you ever be too old for lolita? ♡ never

27. Do you enjoy sewing? Why or why not? ♡ I don’t know how to sew :(

28. How does your location affect your involvement in the local lolita community? Would you like to move elsewhere to be closer, or perhaps farther away? ♡ I drive about 1.5 hours for meetups because that’s the closest active comm. I do not mind so much. I’d like to maybe be closer.

29. Does your sleepwear resemble lolita at all? ♡ not at all. I sleep in oversized t-shirts

30. Can you admit to any unpopular opinions regarding lolita? ♡ I hate peeking bloomers. I’m sorry :(

31. How do you feel about Visual kei or Jrock, and do you feel it’s related to lolita, or not? ♡ Love it, and absolutely. Visual Kei is like lolitas relative.

32. Whether or not you wear them (looking at you, Ouji), do you prefer the look of skirts, JSKs, and OPs with or without prints? ♡ I like both, but these days I am appreciating non-printed items more.

33. How has your style evolved over time? ♡ It hasn't really, just gotten more refined.

34. If applicable, what other communities do you belong to? What other identities do you adopt? ♡ I’m queer, so the LGBTQ community is important to me.

35. What are your favorite shoes to wear with your style, or what’s your dream pair? ♡ I love heels. I do not like flat shoes because I like to elongate my legs. I don’t have a dream pair.

36. Would you, or have you ever, dressed your pets in lolita? ♡ lol I’d try but I don't think it would work.

37. How do you feel about people who wear lolita for Halloween? Does it depend on whether that person is already a lolita? ♡ Wearing lolita for Halloween as a lolita is fine, but wearing it as a costume is kind of meh.

38. Excluding fashion shows, what’s the most amount of outfits you’ve ever worn in a day? ♡ just 1 haha

39. What’s your worst lolita horror story? ♡ I don’t really have any. I one time went with some of my college friends to a con and I left my dorm building in full sweet early in the morning. I was afraid my dormmates would see me cause I did not want to explain but luckily no one was awake and I made it to the van unscathed.

40. Do you like sweets? If so, what’s your favorite dessert? ♡ I love angel food cake

41. Do you have any beauty products, health routines, or special diet to keep you at your best? ♡ I take co-q-10 for my eczema, I like laneige lip sleeping mask, especially in the winter.

42. What were the best and worst meetups you’ve hosted? If you haven’t hosted, would you like to someday? ♡ I wanted to host a garden meet this summer but covid ruined that. Maybe next year.

43. Who is your favorite artist? If not famous for lolita art, do you think they have lolita appeal? ♡ I love a lot of artists, some of them I think are lolita-adjacent because their style is kawaii. I’ll list some here: jisaaaa! ubokhee MISOART_ meowwniz gojio_ hanavbara Fancy Surprise Arcade Healer Yurie Sekiya and many many more. Go stalk my following on instagram for lots of kawaii artists.

44. How do you feel about wigs? Do you wear any, or style your natural hair? ♡ I used to wear wigs, but my hair is too long now so I use my natural hair with fake bangs.

45. What’s your favorite animal motif? ♡ bears?

46. Have you ever visited a brand’s shop/boutique? If so, what was your reaction? If not, what shop would you most like to visit? ♡ I want to visit AP San Francisco

47. Do you think posting photos of your coord online is a crucial part of belonging to the community? ♡ YES, it’s how we all stay connected and inspired

48. How has the lolita community changed since you became a part of it? Where do you see lolita heading in the future in terms of community and networking? ♡ I think it’s become way more accepting and accessible. When I got into lolita there were virtually no legit resellers, the community was entirely on livejournal, buying second hand was a nightmare. Buying anything! was a nightmare. There was so much stress around looking “ita”, and the superiority of brand. These days its just not like that. So much amazing taobao brands have really helped even the field for lolita. We have so much more access to the clothes, the community, everything. It’s great. I only see it getting better as years go on.

49. What advice would you give someone who is nervous about starting lolita? Or do you think they should learn their own lessons? ♡ I think too many lolitas today rely on seasoned lolitas to tell them everything. I would say, go watch lovely lor, read @lolita-tips and look at other peoples coordinates. Lolita Tips tumblr taught me basically everything I know back in the day and it a wealth of info and concrit. Part of what makes the lolita journey so great is the research, the learning, the mistakes. You don’t wanna be like someone else, you wanna be you. So you really need to do the work yourself so you can put your personal flair into the fashion. That’s when it’s at its best.

50. What’s your dream dress/garment? Is it a faraway goal or have you obtained it? ♡ My dream dress was AP sweetie violet jsk in lavender. Which I got in 2019. My new dream dress is AP rose tea garden jsk in navy. It’ll probably be a while before I can afford to buy one.

51. How do you feel about the stereotype that lolitas are full of drama? What’s the worst drama you’ve ever witnessed or been involved in? ♡ I think any and all groups of people are bound to have drama. I don’t believe that’s specific to lolita at all. I personally have not been involved in any lolita drama.

52. Are you loyal to any particular makeup brands? ♡ I am very particular about my makeup because I do not like to use certain ingredients. I really like Pacifica. But I also like some Korean brands like The Saem, MISSHA, and TonyMoly.

This was super long but I had fun answering all the questions. Have you done this questionnaire? I’d love to see your answers~

#about me #lolita asks #loliprompts #52 weeks of lolita #lolita fashion #egl community #j fashion

1 note · View note

the-reverse-mermaid · 5 years

Note

1 through 98

oh? oh???

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? energetic

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer? flowers

10. game you were best at in p.e.? four square

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? eggs in some form, but it’s my breakfast AND lunch because i get home form work around 11:30am, and I’m generally not hungry at 4:30am when I leave, so.

12. name of your favorite playlist? “Current favs”

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? hot tomales tied with sour gummy worms

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? A Tale of Two Cities

16. most comfortable position to sit in? tummy-down on the floor

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? VERY ratty blue converse

18. ideal weather? sunny and windy

19. sleeping position? on left side/ on back/ sometimes on tummy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood? Danny Phantom & mermaids

22. role model? Joan of Arc, and lotsa others

23. strange habits? fingerspelling, brushing my teeth for like 15 min

24. favorite crystal? quartz

25. first song you remember hearing? the lullaby that came out of my stuffed rabbit

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? swim/ nap

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? go on walks/ nap

28. five songs to describe you? Self Portrait by Stephanie Smith, Glorious by David Archuleta, Shatter Me by Lindsay Stirling, My, Myself and Time by Demi Lovato, and Paper Tigers by Owl City

29. best way to bond with you? let me talk about my favorite things

30. places that you find sacred? LDS temples, esp the Orlando temple

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? My spider-man hoodie and sweats

32. top five favorite vines? I don’t know any vines…(sweats)

33. most used phrase in your phone? K

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? none

35. average time you fall asleep? Like how long it takes to fall asleep? If it’s a good night, like 10 min; if it’s a bad night, several hours

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? oh gosh. I remember where I was when I heard the term meme for the first time. It was about rage comics, I think it was the freaking troll face in like, 2011.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? One time I came to class a few minutes late and nobody was there and the whiteboard said “class is longboarding outside” and i was really confused…walked back out of the room, saw my whole class down the hall laughing at me…It was April Fool’s Day.

41. last person you texted? my sister and brother in law, with whom i have a text conversation solely to send them the weirdest images i can find

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap? Christmas tree scent

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? sweats and t-shirt tho i often wake up to find i have stripped in the night

47. favorite type of cheese? mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Apple

49. what saying or quote do you live by? decisions determine destiny

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? it’s called the boob game and it’s what my family plays on car trips and i invented it and for some reason it was/is hilarious despite it’s immaturity; you just look around at billboards and signs and replace one word with the word ‘boob’

51. current stresses? i gotta grade some papers for my TA job and I’m procrastinating it

52. favorite font? comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands? clipped unpainted nails (the way i like); probably need some lotion

54. what did you learn from your first job? money is nice

55. favorite fairy tale? The Boy Who Drew Cats

56. favorite tradition? decorating cookies at Christmas

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? ED, rejection from animation program, LDS missionary service

58. four talents you’re proud of having? drawing, writing essays, writing stories, listening

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? listen up buddy

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? mermaids/mythical creatures

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? From The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness: “In this world of numbness and information overload, the ability to feel is a rare gift indeed”

62. seven characters you relate to? Hiccup (HTTYD), Kiki (Kiki’s Delivery Service), Ned (SM:Hoco), Kit (Unicorn Store), Aunt Cass (BH6), Danny (DP)

63. five songs that would play in your club? It would be an Owl City only club

64. favorite website from your childhood? neopets, baby

65. any permanent scars? In my left armpit I have a long scar from a heart surgery when I was a baby

66. favorite flower(s)? I adore the smell of daffodils

67. good luck charms? a leaf necklace given to me by a friend

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? i hate tootsie rolls

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? human DNA and banana DNA is 50% identical

70. left or right handed? right

71. least favorite pattern? don’t have a least fav

72. worst subject? statistics

73. favorite weird flavor combo? this is more texture than flavor, but i like eating cake in a bowl of milk

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 6

75. when did you lose your first tooth? in childhood (i don’t remember)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? ur asking me? idk, i can’t grow stuff

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear? hopelessness

88. your greatest wish? happiness

89. who would you put before everyone else? my nephew and niece

90. luckiest mistake? tumblr…lucky bc of the homies

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames? Bean/Beanie, Spoons, Good Cop

94. favorite season? Spring

95. favorite app on your phone? whichever one holds my current obsession

96. desktop background? President Nelson on a swing (Russel M Nelson is the current prophet of the Church and he’s an adorable old man who i love)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? Two, mine and my mom’s

98. favorite historical era? I don’t think I have one

#holy crap this was exhausting u owe me a reply anon #long post

7 notes · View notes

bountyofbeads · 5 years

Text

What Happens When Ordinary People End Up in Trump’s Tweets https://nyti.ms/32bCiou

🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈

What Happens When Ordinary People End Up in Trump’s Tweets

By MATT FLEGENHEIMER | Published Nov. 2, 2019 | New York Times | Posted November 3, 2019 |

McCALLA, Ala. — The evening of April 29 passed like many others for Ben Rawls, a fire lieutenant in Tuscaloosa: settled in the rocking chair on his porch, amid empty beer cans and mosquito-fighting candles, tweeting to an audience of dozens until he got sleepy.

“Granted I am in Alabama,” Mr. Rawls, 45, wrote around 11 p.m., after a major firefighters’ union endorsed Joseph R. Biden Jr. for president, “but most of the firefighters I talk to are voting @realDonaldTrump.”

The morning of May 1, some 36 hours later, was less typical.

Mr. Rawls showered and took his daughters to school. He ignored his phone, until it yapped so insistently that he had to look. An ashbin of Twitter comments greeted him: Racist. Moron. “‘Toothless’ — that was a good one,” he recalled.

The most curious posts disputed Mr. Rawls’s very existence. Strangers accused him of being a bot. He replied to one with a video he recorded in his pickup. “Here I am,” he said to the camera. “No faking here.”

All told, it took about 12 hours for him to solve the mystery. Back in his rocking chair, he stared at a fellow Twitter user’s note of congratulations: Mr. Rawls had been retweeted by the president of the United States.

Along with the Republican allies, Fox News hosts and conspiracy-mongering trolls whose messages President Trump pinballs across the political arena, he has also elevated regular people whose words he finds pleasing. Perhaps no group understands the praise-seeking cyclone that is @realDonaldTrump better than these arbitrary few who have lived inside it, briefly and usually unwittingly.

Their brushes with cybercelebrity are a portal into the Twitter feedback loop powered and experienced by Mr. Trump — dark, caustic, skimpy on nuance — where the ripples of a single presidential tweet can be hard to fathom unless measured against the relative anonymity to which these users were accustomed. Mr. Rawls got 2,700 retweets and 14,000 “likes” with the boost from Mr. Trump. The reach of his tweets before and since, he estimated, was approximately zero.

For many of the retweeted, the temporary platform stands as a testament to a style of politics they have never seen before — one that has bonded the president to his followers, virtual or otherwise.

“No other president has ever done stuff like this,” said Curtis Vincent, a 35-year old in Bowling Green, Ky., who operates one of the more than 215 unverified accounts Mr. Trump has retweeted since taking office. “They’ve been on a higher pedestal.”

Mr. Rawls, Mr. Vincent and several others were retweeted by Mr. Trump on May 1 after responding to a post by a Fox News personality, Dan Bongino, about the fire union’s endorsing Mr. Biden.

Joining them in temporary Twitter fame was Joelle Palombo, 46, a Southern California resident with 11 followers, who had largely used her account to cheer on her daughter’s soccer team. But after Mr. Bongino tweeted that “NONE of the firemen” he knew were with Mr. Biden, she replied with a note of support for Mr. Trump from one “fire family” out West.

The flood of reactions so spooked Ms. Palombo that she enlisted her teenage son to help block anyone she saw in her feed. The purge took three days, she said, and included the president, who she did not realize had retweeted her until a reporter told her months later.

“I went and looked at his account, and I blocked him,” Ms. Palombo said of Mr. Trump. “That’s how scared I was. I’m just one tiny hair on a dog. Are you kidding me?”

Although her affection for the president persists, Ms. Palombo questions the value of his favored medium. “How many hours of the day do people put in to do this?” she said. “I don’t need to have a voice on this. I’ll vote.”

Others have found more purpose in the practice. Mr. Rawls described himself as a reluctant Trump voter in 2016. He preferred Ted Cruz during the Republican primary, and he winces at some of the president’s choices, including insulting John McCain well after the senator’s death.

But as the 2020 election approaches, Mr. Rawls suggests, the president’s Twitter output is a more effective galvanizer than even the slickest campaign ad. “The tweeting doesn’t bother me so much anymore,” he said. “I don’t really feel like I wasted a vote.”

And the validation of the president’s retweet has encouraged his own more quarrelsome instincts. “Before all this happened, I would type something out and say, ‘People will think I’m crazy,’” he recalled, citing prospective tweets that he scrapped.

Since May, these second thoughts have been rarer. He has called Anthony Scaramucci, the former White House communications director, a “bitter jerk.” He has shared a doctored video of Speaker Nancy Pelosi appearing to slur her words. He has weaponized a gif of Judge Judy (“Either you are playing dumb, or it’s not an act”) to mock Representative Eric Swalwell, a California Democrat promoting gun control.

“I’m a little bit less of a wallflower than I used to be,” Mr. Rawls said, crediting Mr. Trump’s retweet. “I guess you could say I was more emboldened.”

CATCHING HIS EYE

Capital letters help. Sentence structure can be disregarded. Mornings, East Coast time, are best.

Grabbing Mr. Trump’s attention on Twitter is more art than science — and, often, more fluke than art. But some who have been retweeted say there are certain flourishes that can improve the odds.

The surest path is echoing Mr. Trump’s voice. The user @fiiibuster, whose profile boasts that he has been retweeted twice by the president, has built a following of more than 38,000 accounts — and won the digital stamp of approval from a man with 66 million — through a steady offering of posts that resemble Mr. Trump’s own. Among the words in @fiiibuster’s retweeted messages: “security,” “prosperity,” “America first,” “Pathetic,” “bad reporter,” “shame!”

In other cases, Mr. Trump has gravitated toward those who share his taste in reading. A few weeks ago, he retweeted Cathy Buffaloe, 70, a retired librarian in Walton County, Ga., after she quoted a Wall Street Journal column criticizing Representative Adam Schiff, the Democratic chairman of the House Intelligence Committee.

When she told her husband what had happened, he asked if she had simply dreamed it. She took screenshots to show to friends and gained about 200 followers. “It isn’t often that ‘regular’ people have an opportunity to be heard concerning national issues,” Ms. Buffaloe said in an email.

J. T. Lewis, a 19-year-old Republican candidate for the Connecticut State Senate whose brother Jesse was killed in the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012, was retweeted last year after writing a flattering message to Mr. Trump. When he traveled to Washington months later to meet with the president as part of a school safety event, Mr. Lewis brought a printout of the tweet.

“He smirked and signed it,” he said. “It’s in my room somewhere.”

Mr. Lewis said he hoped the president’s imprimatur would show that Mr. Trump was not in league with the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who has spread bogus claims about the Sandy Hook shooting, including asserting that the victims’ families were actors and part of a plot to confiscate guns. (In 2015, Mr. Trump appeared on Mr. Jones’s “Infowars” program and praised him.)

But Mr. Lewis is skeptical that getting through to Mr. Trump owes to any elaborate strategy. “I don’t think things are planned out the way we think they are from the outside,” he said. “I think that was literally just: Guy in pajamas, ‘Oh, this is a nice tweet.’”

THE WRONG IVANKA

“The fingers aren’t as good as the brain,” the president once explained, discussing the typos he makes on Twitter.

And those fingers have at times conferred a spotlight on unsuspecting tweeters with low opinions of him.

In a tweet one night in January 2017, just before his inauguration, Mr. Trump shared a message calling his daughter Ivanka “a woman with real character and class” and tagging @ivanka.

That Twitter handle belongs to Ivanka Majic, 45, a technology researcher in Brighton, England, who shares a first name and little else with the president’s daughter. Ms. Majic woke up to media inquiries and a dilemma.

“There’s a decision to be made,” she said in an interview. “If you’re going to say something, what are you going to say?”

Ms. Majic recognized she would probably never be handed a megaphone like this again. “He was a bit unlucky, really, that it was my Twitter account,” she said.

She settled on this: “You’re a man with great responsibilities. May I suggest more care on Twitter and more time learning about #climatechange.”

Instantly, Ms. Majic became something of a local luminary as her progressive city strained to process Mr. Trump’s victory. Days later, at the London chapter of the global Women’s March, one attendee’s sign read, “@Ivanka, loving your work!”

In the years since, Ms. Majic has celebrated an annual “Trumpiversary” to mark the occasion. But one news clipping from the time still grates.

“There was one article that said, ‘Ivanka only has 2,700 followers,’” she remembered. “I was like, ‘That’s quite good for a normal person!’”

_______

Karen Yourish and Larry Buchanan contributed reporting. Kitty Bennett contributed research. Produced by Gray Beltran and Rumsey Taylor.

🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈🍂🍻🍁🏈

1 note · View note

andrewologist · 5 years

Text

My Antisepticeye Theory

Notes

“Lore Seán” is Jack, and Seán is “real life Seán.”

While I tried to find as many videos as possible, most social media posts will be excluded. Many of the captions have since changed, bios and avatars have gone back to normal, and posts are buried deep. Many of them are irrelevant at this point.

So everything is easy to read, things originally in zalgo text will be bolded.

This is the longest post I’ve ever made. I’m so sorry. It’s all under the cut.

Some of this probably sucks. Feel free to prove me wrong.

It’s a long shot, but I’d love to hear @therealjacksepticeye‘s opinion on this stuff.

2016

May 1

Reading your comments #90

In a reading your comments video, someone asks “What do you think of antiseptic?” and Jack says “WHERE?! Don’t joke about that!”

While this is a joke, it’s also the first acknowledgement of Anti.

July 10

Welcome to the Game #2

Jackieboy Man’s first appearance.

August 11

Title: The Jacksepticeye Power Hour - Marvin’s Magic

Marvin the Magnificent’s first appearance.

September 15

Title: The Jacksepticeye Power Hour - Dr. Schneeplestein

Dr. Schneeplestein’s first appearance.

October 10

Anti’s first official appearance.

Title: THE START OF THE NIGHTMARE | Five Night at Freddy’s Sister Location #1

The bottom of the description reads “You’ve waited a long time, now I wake” and in the source code, one of the keywords is “snooping.” (I think that the keyword was added at a later date, but it is still significant)

The description suggests that Anti has been watching us for awhile, or at least knows that we created him. He’s calling us out in the source code, or maybe just observing.

A lot of this first video is Anti testing us, seeing how we react. He’s new at this point, so he doesn’t know much about the community and how we work.

October 13

Title: THEY HAVE AWOKEN | Five Night at Freddy’s Sister Location #2

Description says “follow the signs, release me.” In the source code, one of the keywords is “curious I see.”

Again, Anti is testing the waters, seeing what we do, how far we go for clues. He’s seeing if we obey him, if we are willing to “release” him out of pure curiosity.

When he says “release me” he’s asking us to follow him. Us believing in him/obeying him gives him power, which would help him escape.

As far as where he is trapped, I think that is Jack’s computer. This is why the face-cam can still glitch without Anti having a physical form. He’s manipulating the camera itself.

October 17

Title: BE THE BAT! | Batman Arkham VR

The whiteboard behind Jack says “I’M HERE.”

October 18

Title: SOMETHING INSIDE | Five Night at Freddy’s Sister Location #3

At 5:26, the glitch has Anti saying “I am near.” There is also multiple glitches that include Anti laughing.

In the description there is “I see you understand now, keep watching” and a keyword is “stronger.”

Anti has learned that we will still watch, even if it hurts Jack, because we are curious. This following has made him stronger.

Also in the description, there is a link to a video.

Title: SOON

In this video, there is general static, creepy music, and children laughing. Text that says “I’M HERE” shows up. The description says “Very good, you may be worthy” and Jack also left a comment that says “I’m glad I have your attention now.”

Anti now has the strength to make entire videos. He doesn’t have a physical form yet, but he is able to all of this from within in a computer. He has figured out how far we go for clues, and is taking full advantage of that.

The next video of the 18th also includes a small appearance.

Title: Temple of No!

At 11:10 Jack says “We all know about Anti don’t we?” and there is a slight glitch. This is important because it is a direct acknowledgment of Anti.

October 19

Tile: TOO MUCH WEIRD | Accounting (HTC Vive video)

Whiteboard reads “SOON.”

Title: PLEASE DON’T KILL ME | Hello Neighbor #2

9:45, the game glitches and then crashes, and Anti is seen in the face-cam.

The way Jack reacts to Anti messing with him is important. He almost pointedly ignores it/plays it off.

October 22

Title: MERGED TOGETHER | Five Night at Freddy’s Sister Location # 4

At 1:19, Jack complains that his eye is itching. This is the first time that Anti influences Jack’s body.

7:32, Anti says “I’m here.”

10:06, intense glitching, and then Jack slumps in his chair.

The end clip is Jack saying “I don’t feel so good.”

Description says “We are merged together now as one in Five Nights at Freddy’s Sister Location” and at the bottom it says “It’s almost time, I grow stronger.”

Jack becoming sick/weak happens after Anti says “I’m here.” This is implies that Anti has “merged together” with Jack, and is presenting as a virus.

Keywords, which were added in 2017, are “The doctor” and “can’t save.”

October 24

Title: SWIMMING IN POOP | Pipe Job (HTC Vive)

The end clip has Jack super close the the camera saying “Hi there, my name’s Jack” with a glitch after.

This glitch and the slight laugh he does suggests that this is Anti imitating Jack. Almost like he’s getting used to piloting his body.

October 26

Title: MEET THE YANGS | Guts and Glory #5

6:57, Jack coughs and there is a slight glitch. This suggests that Anti was the one to make Jack cough. He is making him sick.

October 28

Title: ALONE AND AFRAID | Layers of Fear #1

22:08, Anti laughs, and Jack acknowledges it. He says “The hell was that weird sound? Just came from my gully hole.” Again, he is pointedly ignoring Anti. He doesn’t say talk about it beyond this. More importantly, Anti is laughing through Jack.

The description says “It’s time to say goodbye” which emphasizes that Anti is taking over Jack’s body.

October 29

Title: SORE FROM LAUGHING | Stuntfest #2

2:19, there is a glitch when Jack coughs. Again, Anti is presenting as a virus.

So why is Anti presenting as a virus? Well, if he is a demon, then he is “possessing” Jack’s body. I think that the way he takes over his body is systematic. He takes over the immune system first so Jack is weaker and can’t fight back. Then he takes over the nervous system, which we will see in the following pieces of evidence. Simultaneously, he is a virus in Jack’s computer. He corrupts camera footage, crashes games, and screws up text.

October 30

Title: SCARIER THAN IT LOOKS | The Cubicle (HTC Vive)

White board says “DON’T WATCH.” This is generally out of character for Anti, who gains power from a following. So is it Anti who wrote this? While many people think it was Jack, I think it was Anti. He’s testing us and mocking us. He wants to see if we follow everything he says, or if we’re just curious enough to want to see what happens next. He knows that we are powerless.

3:47, Anti appears standing behind Jack. This is not an actual physical form. Instead, Anti is glitching the camera footage to make himself appear to be there. However, it is still significant that we see a full shot of what Anti looks like. He sees himself as a version of Jack.

7:24, the screen goes black and we hear “1, 2, Anti’s coming for you” and reversed audio of “and he’s dead.” This is Anti mocking us again, because he knows that we will continue to watch, even as Jack dies.

In the end clip, Anti stands in front of the camera saying “I have come” and when it switches back to normal, Jack looks genuinely scared and says “I could have sworn I just heard something.” Jack is really starting to notice that something is amiss.

The description says “Tomorrow ends him.”

Title: THE SIGNS ARE THERE | Layers of Fear #2

13:03, Jack talks about foreshadowing, and Anti glitches in to wink at us. Not a whole lot of significance, just one of the communities favorite gifs. ;)

The description says “It’s almost time.”

October 31

Title: SAY GOODBYE

Because there are so many glitches in this video, and because Anti is in a good chunk of it, I will only be discussing the parts that I find the most important.

4:21, Jack comments that the smell of the pumpkin isn’t making him feel good. There is intense glitching, and his nose starts bleeding. This is Anti affecting his immune/respiratory system. When he appears on screen after Jack leaves, that is him glitching the camera.

6:34, this glitch includes Jack twitching/yelling. It also has Anti reaching out and touching Jack. This is both aspects of Anti’s power shown at once. He is affecting Jack’s nervous system (rather severely), and the camera.

8:28, Jack hears banging/walking around in his apartment and walks off screen to investigate. Anti glitches himself in. The auditory allusion for Jack is Anti messing with his head, and for us it’s Anti messing with the audio.

10:37 starts Anti’s first major appearance. We all know what happens here, but my explanation is that Anti gained full control of Jack’s nervous system.

During this appearance we hear Jack say “help me” which means he is still alive, but is unable to escape and defeat Anti. Anti tells us “you could have stopped me, but you just watched as this happened.”

In the description it says “you wanted me so here I am.”

We all watched this video despite the warnings we were given, and Anti grew stronger because of this.

In the keywords, which were added in 2017, it says “I’m back” and “good puppet.”

To summarize 2016, Anti was brought into existence by the community. He grew stronger through that following. He infected Jack’s computer, then Jack himself. He presents as a virus because he attacks the immune system first. He eventually took over Jack’s body and trapped Jack in a place where he couldn’t fight back.

2017

January 25

Title: I’M SO SORRY | Detention #2

3:45, face-cam glitches and audio distorts as Jack reads “forgotten, or just too afraid to remember?” In this glitch, Anti is pointing at the camera, like he is accusing us.

The description says “forgotten, or just too afraid to remember.”

This phrase suggests that Jack has suppressed the events in October 2016.

February 4

Title: BROKEN INSIDE | Detention #3

There are two glitches in this video, but, more importantly, the description says “broken spirit, let me out” and one of the keywords is “antisepticeye.”

The fact that the description is in zalgo, and that a keyword is antisepticeye leads me to believe that Jack somehow found a temporary way to suppress Anti. This angered Anti, and he now wants to be let out again. Remember, all he has to do to get more strength is gain a following.

February 16

Title: BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS | Detention #4

The title itself is again pointing a finger at us for Jack’s defeat.

27:49, as Jack reads “memories are like a mirror, reflecting the true likeness of your soul” there are glitches and audio distortion. This is more of Anti blaming us and mocking us.

28:01, Jack reads “maybe you still want to forget, maybe you’re still afraid” in his Anti voice. Anti knows that he scared us and that we underestimated him.

The description reads “betrayal neglect mistake.” This can be taken as Anti saying we betrayed Jack by making the mistake of neglecting him. By neglecting him and paying attention to Anti, we gave Anti more power.

A keyword is “antisepticeye” again.

March 8

Title: ALWAYS WATCHING

At Jack’s Pax East panel, he played a video before he went on stage. As we all know, Anti appeared in this. Here are the things that I found important.

@broadway-of-life deciphered the beginning audio that was spliced together from previous videos as “Haha. Jack is dead. You’re too late.” I think Anti is bluffing. However, he did take over Jack’s body again.

“I’ve been here this entire time, keeping an eye on things.” This is significant because it confirms that Anti was never truly defeated, he was at least lurking in the background.

After Anti says “I’m always there, always watching” you can hear Jack say “help me” very faintly.

The description of the actual video says “you thought I was gone. Tried to replace me. I’m always here.” By “replace” he means that we tried to go back to Jack.

April 11

Title: The Jacksepticeye Power Hour - Chase Brody

This is Chase’s first appearance. In this video we learn that his wife, Stacy, left him, and that he has two kids.

June 12

Title: SPREADING THE SICKNESS | Epidemic

8:40, when Jack says “laughter is the best medicine for death” there is a glitch and Anti’s laughter.

June 24

Title: TRUST ME, I’M A DOCTOR | Bio Inc. Redemption #4

In the keywords, “cracks.”

July 31

Title: TOUGHER THAN EXPECTED | The Escapists 2 #2

Description says “need a doctor?”

August 3

Title: KILL JACKSEPTICEYE | Bio Inc Redemption

This video has the most individual glitches, so I will again only analyze the important parts.

0:36, Jack gets sick and runs off screen. Dr. Schneeplestein takes over the video. This confirms that Shneep knows who Jack is.

2:57, Schneep says that Jack has mood swings where he’s like “a completely different person.” This suggests that Anti and Jack inhabit the same body, and they alternate control.

4:20 (HA), Schneep confirms that he saved Chase’s life after his suicide attempt.

6:51, Schneep says that he ALMOST lost Jack once before. This further confirms that Anti didn’t actually kill Jack.

7:14, Schneep’s voice distorts as he says “system failure” and at 7:26 he says “once one goes down, they all go down.” This is more evidence for my theory that Anti takes over bodies systematically.

8:05, Schneep begins to acknowledge Anti’s existence. This makes him the most knowledgeable ego so far.

8:42, Anti’s appearance begins.

Anti says “they all follow me” and “we’ve always been in control.” This is basically Anti stating that he has control of all of the egos, and that he can get them to do whatever he wants. Furthermore, he calls them “my puppets.”

The description says “so concerned for your little boy, pay attention next time, who’s next?” and the keywords include the following “save him, virus, no, puppets, no strings on me.”

October 31

Title: The Jacksepticeye Power Hour - Jameson Jackson

This is JJ’s first appearance. However, the end of the video features an appearance from Anti. I actually do not believe JJ was ever good. He’s separate from Anti, but he was created by Anti.

Text appears during Anti’s appearance that says “still here, still watching, puppets, watching, smile” and JJ rips off his mustache while smiling.

November 22

Title: MEMORIES OF UNDERTALE | Heartbound

It is important to note that this is not an official appearance, but the audio distortion while Jack reads lines is really important. Here are the stand outs.

“I was like you once.”

“He’s not coming back. You did this.”

“What kind of person are you?” The original line is “What kind of person you are,” but Jack’s audio is glitched.

“You can’t stop me.”

“You’ll get your chance.”

December 17-18

Title: Overnight Watch

So this is one of the biggest events ever. I do not have a video of the full night, and therefore I cannot analyze it properly. If you have a video like this, please send it to me so I can update this section.

2018

May 4

Title: THE DOCTOR IS BACK | Gastric Bypass, Liposuction Surgery

18:56, Schneep bursts into the room and Jack says “Who are you?” This tells us that Jack doesn’t know who Schneep is, even though he saved Jack’s life.

May 5

Title: WATCH THIS WITH THE LIGHTS OFF | Stories Untold Chapter 1

“You are entering a realm that is unusual.” (See May 14)

22:06, Jack’s door opens behind him and he glitches into the TV.

May 6

Title: Barry Has A Secret

12:36, a first person sequence where Jack (or maybe Anti) catches us and presumably attacks us. My vote is that this is Anti catching us snooping. And we weren’t supposed to know that he’s back yet.

Title: THEY ARE LISTENING | Stories Untold Chapter 2

“This door leads to a place unknown to you before.” (See May 14)

30:29, floating cameras that look like eyes are watching the camera.

May 7

Title: THEY’RE HERE | Stories Untold Chapter 3

“You take a picture of a man. When you check the film, you realize the man is not in the picture.”

40:58, we hear “Jack. Jack. This is Chase. You need to wake up.” There is also morse code that translates to “where am I?” Obviously, Jack has been defeated once again by Anti. This happened during KJSE. However, Jack is unaware of his defeat this time.

May 8

Title: IT WAS ALL CONNECTED! | Stories Untold Chapter 4

“You see a man in front of you. This man looks strange, not like any man you have seen before. Suddenly, you realize you were looking in a mirror.” (See May 14)

45:07, Jack wakes up from a nightmare and says “I remember what he did to me.” This means that he either woke up from his coma, or just remembered what happened and is dreaming about it.

May 9

Title: Try to Fall Asleep!

3:33, Marvin is seen in the TV static.

11:15, Marvin is in the static.

11:20, “Jack you have to” in static. This statement mimics Chase’s from Stories Untold Chapter 3.

11:42, Jack’s lighting turns red.

16:41, JJ in static after Jack says “can a doctor revive me?” This is JJ mocking Jack.

17:34, Marvin in static. These appearances are Marvin attempting to get through to Jack.

May 11

Title: TIE - A Game About Depression

In this video, the most important thing is that Chase confirms the fact that Jack is currently in a coma.

“Foreshadowing” is a keyword. Not sure what to do with this. It could just relate to the game.

May 14

Title: Dark Silence

“You are entering a realm which is unusual” Chase is seen walking through hallways, confused and lost. There are lots of strange sounds.

“This door leads to a place unknown to you before” Chase obviously doesn’t know where he is.

“You see a man in front of you. This man looks strange, not like any man you have seen before. Suddenly, you realize you were looking in a mirror“ Chase sees Anti at the end of a hallway. He doesn’t know who he is, and is confused when Anti turns around. Chase sees himself at the end of the hallway. We know that it is Anti in Jack’s body, but Chase doesn’t.

In this sequence, we hear children crying and screaming. When Chase see’s Anti, he asks “Where are they? What do you want from me?”

At this point, we do not know the status of Chase’s kids. It is easy to assume that Anti took them.

The video ends with Anti running at Chase.

May 16

Title: EXPLORING AN ABANDONED HOSPITAL | Exiles

Jack wakes up confused and playing a game about being in a hospital.

14:30, Jack’s eyes are bleeding and there’s whispering that is repeating “it’s all your fault, you did this.”

This video is Jack waking up after Chase’s disappearance. Anti comes after him again.

May 22

Title: I AM SO CREEPED OUT BY THIS! | First Winter

Two glitches with Jack bleeding out of his eyes.

26:02, there is a glitch as Jack says “let me out.” This is Jack asking to be let out again.

(Note: I am skipping Akinator and Transference. I do not find them important)

October 14

Title: 3 SCARY GAMES, 1 VIDEO #7

30:43, face-cam glitch and audio distortion as Jack says “time to take off the masks.”

Anti is tired of “playing pretend.”

October 22

Title: THIS GAME SCARED THE **** OUT OF ME | Watson-Scott Test #1

The end clip has Jack asking “are you playing a game right now?” In my opinion, this is Anti. He’s asking us if this is all a game to us, if we take him seriously or not.

December 1

Title: TIME IS BROKEN | Umfend

The title itself references a twitter bio of Jack’s on Halloween 2017 (JJ’s appearance).

End clip, Anti asks “do you remember?” Accompanied by a glitch. He’s mocking us once again.

December 16

Title: QUIT THE GAME TO WIN

Anti stares at the camera and comes off as unsettling and creepy with out a single glitch. His eye twitches in FUCKING MORSE CODE that says “Anti.”

The end of the video has Anti saying “you passed the test, now let’s move onto the next phase” which tells us that Anti is toying with us again. He’s testing us further, because he already knows so much about us.

December 18

Title: Take Your Eyes Off The Screen

The title was originally “Simulacra Pipe Dreams.” Anti changed it.

The thumbnail had “2019″ in the corner very faintly. It has since changed.

By giving us a vague date, Anti has made us want him to appear, has made us excited to see him. He’s going to have a lot of power during his next appearance.

#anti theories #long post #I am so sorry for how long this is #antisepticeye #jacksepticeye #jacksepticegos #golly gee

25 notes · View notes

sweetpeatrashxo · 5 years

Text

Little Rant

TW: heartbreak... alcohol and drug abuse

Okay so the reason I’ve been so inactive lately is cause I’m going through a heartbreak. Legit it’s tearing me a fucking part, but I don’t know why I can’t just give up on it. I was just listening to Lie To Me by 5SOS and the story behind that song was that Luke was in a really toxic relationship, while the other three members couldn’t do anything about it, they tried and he pushed them away I guess. So all they could do was sit back and watch it unfold in front of them. And the music video represents that too, Luke sitting in a car getting hit the fuck out of. While Calum, Michael and Ashton couldn’t do anything but sit back and watch. They didn’t wanna be in the cross fire. (I’ll link the video clip or song to this)

But what I’m getting at is, this guy, he would talk to me for a couple days straight (for example: Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday) but the other days (Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday) there’d be no contact at all, he’d ignore my messages and snapchats. It was back and forth for a while. He was the first fucking person i let in since my parents divorce at the start of the year, I didn’t even let my close friends get close. And just out of no where he says he doesn’t want anything serious, that he wants to do his own thing, that he hated seeing me get so attached. So we left it at that, I was fucking broken. To sum up my weeks I’m 20 I go out and club every weekend, so I saw him out a lot, but after that I just stayed in my room, cooped in my bed, curled up in a ball. I legit wouldn’t move, I couldn’t move. It was like I was going into my mental health funk. But it was different cause I wouldn’t even talk to anyone and when I’m going into my funk I’ll still talk to selective people. But even those people didn’t get a word from me, it was to the point they showed up at my house and I didn’t answer my phone to go out the front and bring them in. I ignored their calls, my nan let them in. And when they found me I was the biggest fucking wreak, I was curled up, listening to depressing songs on repeat. Even songs I hadn’t listening to since a massive traumatic thing happened in my life.

But fast forward to tonight (29/03/2019) I was finally coming out of this little funk he put me in cause I got use to seeing him, I’d say hi, have a smoke with him and my mates. Then disappear, but tonight, he messaged me, to come for a drive. My dumbass was like alright there isn’t much going on. So I did, but little did I know 50 minutes to an hour later he’d be kissing me. WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY GONNA BE OKAY HE COMES FUCKING SWOOPING IN AND WRAPPING ME BACK AROUND HIS FINGER. Now it’s 5am, the 30th, I’m up fucking writing this. Cause I know I’m in love with this guy, and he’s an absolute asshole, but I can’t pin point what I want. I can’t pin point why I keep going back and letting myself do this, I just want to know what it is that makes me want him so fucking badly. I just want to be okay. I just want to not have a fucking broken heart. I just want to drink to have fun. Not to forget the night. I’m legit smoking weed every chance I get my mates offer me a cap I’ll take it and chew my jaw away. Just to feel that little bit of happiness again, just to feel what’s close to myself as it should be. But I wake up in the morning and just wanna be beside him again, I just wanna wake up and him bring me a coffee with whipped cream and a freshly rolled smoke. Or to even wake up with his arms around me. I wanna wake up and realise this was all just a bad dream. Like what makes him so fucking different from the others, I’ve fallen for 2 guys. But I always used things to do with them as closure but I can’t find closure with this guy. And I’m over it I just want to be happy.

But that’s pretty much why I have been so inactive lately. I’m sorry for the little rant but I just needed to get it out.

2 notes · View notes

our-springdays · 6 years

Text

april 29: 京都 pt 1

April 29 marks the start of ゴールデンウィーク (Golden Week) in Japan! There is no class for a whole week because there are 4 national holidays during the week (Showa Day, Constitution Memorial Day, Greenery Day, and Children's Day) and many offices tend to be closed as well. That means there are going to be a lot of people traveling during this time period.

About a week ago, a group of friends and I visited Waseda’s Co-Op Store to purchase Shinkansen tickets to go to Kansai. There is 学割 (Gakuwari) or student discount for these tickets. Since you’re going to be on a Student VISA to Japan, you’re not going to be eligible for JR Pass. You can get the 学割 printed at a machine in Building 14, 25, or 7. Bring those with you to the Co-Op Store; you will need to print 2 copies because one copy is only for one-way. So when you go to the Co-Op Store, you fill out a form with where you want to go and use a timetable book to find times for when you want your tickets for. A really nice lady at the store was assisting us after seeing us struggle for a long time. It would be very helpful if you or a friend knew a little Japanese so you can communicate with the people there. I’m not too sure if they knew much English because we mainly spoke in Japanese. The form that you need to fill out is also in Japanese, so it would help a lot if you knew a little of the language (or Google Translate might help). If not, I am sure the people at the Co-Op Store may know minimal English to help you get by since Waseda has a lot of foreign students. We bought a one-way ticket on the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto and then another one-way ticket from Osaka back to Tokyo. The total came out to $233.35 inclusive of base fare, shinkansen fare, and seat reservation fee. (If you are just a tourist, the JR Pass makes your trip a lot cheaper! But take note that you can’t use JR Pass for the fastest trains - Nozomi and Mizuho. You can use it on Hikari, Kodama, & Sakura). Another side note, taking a plane might be cheaper than taking the shinkansen at one point, so you might want to check flights as well before booking!

Just moments before boarding the shinkansen to Kyoto~ We took the Fukutoshin Line from Nishi-Waseda to Shinjuku San-Chome to transfer to the Marunouchi Line to get to Tokyo Station. I think we just went with the fastest route Google Maps showed us at that time. It might be faster to actually just take the Tozai Line from Waseda Station instead. So take your pick. When you get to Tokyo Station, if I remember correctly, you first put in your base fare ticket. Remember to take the base fare ticket with you. Before you get onto the shinkansen, there’s going to be another ticket gate, & you have to put both your base fare ticket with the Shinkansen Super Express ticket. Remember to take them with you so you can get out of Kyoto Station when you arrive. Also, this is a given but leave early. You’re going to need as much wiggle room as possible in case you get lost in Tokyo Station. Make sure you have ample time to make mistakes because things happen.

Finally on the shinkansen!! It was my first time riding the shinkansen! There was plenty of leg room (enough for me to keep my luggage in front of my legs) and the seats are super comfortable too. It runs super smoothly on the tracks that it put me to sleep after I was able to spot Mount Fuji out the window. (I took a video, but it’s hard for me to insert clips because my phone doesn’t like syncing them onto my laptop. Perhaps I’ll figure it out one day!! - Stay Tuned!) At one point, my ears felt like they were being plugged as if we were on an airplane. I think this is due to the fast speed that the train is running at, which causes a change in air pressure.

Having a bentou on the shinkansen is a classic!! I highly recommend this. Thanks to my dormy Gustavo for letting me take a picture of his food!! :) (and sorry Gustavo that I get the better angle LOL) Honestly, I slept 3 hours the night before so I didn’t have any appetite in the morning. Definitely learned my lesson to not go out the whole day the night before when I haven’t done laundry nor packed for this trip. But that is another story to tell at a different time!

We arrived at Kyoto Station!! I honestly don’t remember taking this photo, but what’s important is - WE’RE HERE!!! I think it took about 2.5 hours to get from Tokyo to Kyoto via Nozomi. Definitely got some good sleep on this train ride.

We dropped off our luggage in coin lockers at the station because it was too early for us to check into our Airbnb. In the meantime, we decided to walk around because guess who planned our week trip in this group!!! - NO ONE. We are young and like to live life on the edge. (Just kidding, maybe only slightly.) But pictured above is Kyoto Tower! There’s actually a huge food court at the foot of Kyoto Tower called Kyoto Tower Sando. We decided to check that place out a little later.

Since no one has planned anything, we thought this map would be super useful for us to pick sightseeing areas. I hope you can get some ideas too from this map if you visit Kyoto! (And hopefully, you plan ahead.) Also, know that there should be a bus ticket discount at the machines somewhere!! Since no one has done research, we only noticed it after using our IC cards around the area; I randomly peeped through a window and saw an unlimited bus pass. According to the quick search I just did, it is a 1-day bus pass that allows you to take unlimited rides on the Kyoto City Bus and Kyoto Bus. It is 600 yen for adults and is beneficial if you take the bus 3 times or more in a day. There is a flat rate for bus rides in Kyoto - 230 yen per ride. You enter through the back of the bus and exit through the front where you will then pay. This is a little different from Tokyo buses because you enter & pay at the front for Tokyo buses (which is similar to New York!)

We decided to walk to the Museum of Kyoto from Kyoto Station. I think it was over a half hour walk or maybe even longer... And when we got there, some people didn’t want to pay for admission so we didn’t go inside the actual museum part. Instead, we walked around the souvenir stores. There was a very beautiful postcard store in here for I think only 200 yen each. If you like paintings, you’ll really like the postcards. I decided to buy... ice-cream..! from 京あめとにまる, which sources their green tea from 宇治 (Uji). Probably not the best thing to eat as your first meal of the day, but I can’t reject matcha and anko. It was 380 yen for this cone! I’m going to miss cheap matcha cones when I get back to New York. This was so goood! I wish I could eat it now.

After killing some time at the shops, it was time to go back to Kyoto Station to pick up our luggage and then check into our Airbnb. We got lost trying to find it, but we eventually made it. I honestly wanted to break down onto the floor from dragging my luggage everywhere because it was so exhausting. That’s when I learned, I need to go back to the gym to train so I can become stronger!! There was this mural to our Airbnb room. Definitely cramped for 4 people because we had luggage with us. Also, the air ventilation wasn’t the best. We were able to smell smoke coming from somewhere nearby. It was a self check-in hostel type of Airbnb so there were people living upstairs. Also, to our surprise, the door to this hostel wasn’t lockable. It was lockable for your own personal room, but the door to enter into the hostel was just a sliding door. So basically anyone can come into the living room, kitchen area, and shower rooms. Honestly, that made me feel a little uneasy, but because we were in Japan, it’s a lot safer compared to New York.

There was a lot of manga (Naruto & One Piece) and very retro games in this Airbnb! The gaming systems went back to as far as the Nintendo 64! It was definitely one of my childhood gaming systems. The guys played Mario Party for a bit, and I decided to plan the itinerary for the rest of this trip. The bad thing is that the Wi-Fi wasn’t working in this Airbnb! I had to hotspot my phone data onto my laptop. After the itinerary was finished, we decided to go eat.

We passed by 京都勝牛 (Kyoto Katsugyu) the first time we were trying to find our Airbnb, so we knew we had to walk back for dinner! The line for this place was out the door and progressively got longer as we waited. We ordered the katsu set (140g) that came with rice, miso soup, & cabbage. With this set, there are 4 ways to eat your katsu: curry, wasabi soy sauce, Japanese salt, and “Worcester sauce.” Honestly, I’m not too sure about the translations they used on the menu, but they were all really good! I think my favorite one might be the curry. It is a cash only place and this set was 1,382 yen, which isn’t bad at all for wagyu beef! Also, there are unlimited rice refills!! Perfect because I barely ate anything all day. I guess I was too stressed from settling in that I didn’t even realize that I barely ate all day. But it was a really good dinner!! I remember being very sad while taking my last bite of the katsu. I’ll come back here for sure!

#kyoto #food #shinkansen #golden week #Waseda University #exchange program #study abroad #japan #day 41

3 notes · View notes

ablodhere · 6 years

Text

Chase Brody and Antisepticeye the originals: Theory™

(Trademark symbol just because. :P)

Disclaimer: All of this was just a little idea I had so I have some "evidence" but most of it is just filler to make an understanding of who @therealjacksepticeye 's alter egos are. It makes sense that they’re split personalities, but I want to push the bar and say that it all starts with Chase and Anti as the first in line. Again, this is my theory (Some would argue fanfiction) so I hope you respect my thoughts and ideas and maybe it will help you think about it or expand on your own theory. If you don't agree with it, don't worry. It is why it is a theory and somewhat story since I can only do so much with video clips of these characters.

Speaking of which, I will be mentioning some video series of Jack's. I will add some of the links but only if I say the title video name and add a timestamps. All the gifs are from Jack's videos. Now, let's get into the theory.

Let's start off with Chase Brody and "The Jacksepticeye's Power Hour - Chase Brody." Now this is when we first meet Chase. Clearly it is supposed to be a stage name of some sort (especially if you want to consider that Jack has made fun of the name once in “HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL! | Douchebag’s Chick” 10:25), so this is most likely supposed to be an earlier or later version of Jack who has had a family and kids, who wants some type of fame if they don’t already have or want more. As we see though, his family is taken away because of his neglectance, he is now depressed because his wife and him got a divorce and she took the kids with her and the show is being run by people who just want views and tasks that are near impossible to complete. Later, “jokes” in the show, such as the drive-by shot and his depression caused by “suicide” makes him “shoot” himself on camera, in order to end Chase’s time on air.

Later, he takes up or takes back the name Jacksepticeye and continues making videos, but on his own terms. As stated in “SPLIT PERSONALITIES! | Reading Your Comments #47″ Stamp: 00:14-00:24, he has split personalities (when the video was made, I’m sure it was just for a joke, but for the sake of this theory/story, we are going to treat it as if it is a character trait Chase/Jack has). In the clip shown, it is clear that the other voice is aggressive, so if we are assuming that the voice isn’t Chase or Jack, then who would it end up being? It is a voice prone to violence and harm, not only on 1others like in the power hour with the “drive-by”, but also to himself, again, shown in the power hour and the split personalities video, not only making it seem like he committed suicide, but is also verbally aggressive against his other personalities.

Now to Antisepticeye. What do we really know about him? He seems to be a type of glitchy demon to be the opposite of our beloved YouTube star. (Clips here is not linked to Jack’s videos, but to a YouTube channel called @helen92edits, thank you, you made my job so much easier.) “Antisepticeye Clips” is a compilation of Anti moments, and I’ve noticed that yes, he is prone to harming Jack, says he’ll harm others, said he has killed with the earliest clip “You aren’t allowed to see the dead bodies,” enjoys the uneasiness and the creepy feel he projects to others and see them uncomfortable, helpless or in pain. In all honesty, we know a lot about Anti, and he is a demon. After all, he does occasionally flash his blacked out eyes at the camera, which is a signature mark of a demon.

Now to put the story together. These are recent videos Jack has made, but not in order. First is “TIE - A Game About Depression” Stamp: 12:00. Chase is playing the game, we know based off of how Chase knows how it feels to feel depressed and probably still is depressed saying that his mind is racing, maybe from voices in his head, or thoughts planted there and longing for things to go back to how they were before. Then the video shows Chase is sporting a black shirt and black pants, drinking whisky, and is distressed. He puts his hat down and walks away.

Next video: “WATCH THIS WITH THE LIGHTS OFF | Stories Untold - Chapter 1″ Stamp: 22:01 (Also, I want to say that I think the intro sequences for the Stories Untold are referencing the three, Jack, Anti, and Chase. 2 is probably foreshadowing to the ending of the Dark Silence video which I will cover, 3 is maybe about or to Chase’s kids when referencing a missing father, and 4 was cut short, but is maybe about Jack not recognizing himself in the mirror and feels like someone else is looking at him, which correlates to depression, or if he has split personalities like we suspect, it would mean he realizes that he isn’t the only one in that body). In the middle of the outro, Jack is interrupted because he hears rustling sounds, scraping as it says in the subtitles if you turn them on. The door then opens, he turns and it cuts to a TV on a desk after lightning claps. A second or two after, an image of Jack, or someone who looks like him (Anti), flashes on the TV, where he looks directly at you before it is just static.

“DARK SILENCE” Stamp: 20:35 Jack is then out and walking around a house he doesn’t recognize based off of the seemingly confused look on his face. Most likely he is in his mind since these alters can manifest in both real life and in his head. A child’s laugh can be heard when walking around. Then a woman’s scream and whispers as he turns towards his left to go upstairs, then a child crying and more whispers as he turns right to see Anti waiting there in a doorway in front of him. He screams “Where are they?! What do you want from me?!” to Anti before he advances to the camera. (This was the Chapter 2 reference, first you turn to a door on your left, then to your right. Just listen to it, it is a bit of a stretch though.)

“EXPLORING AN ABANDONED HOSPITAL | Exiles” Stamp: Very opening and then 14:29. In the middle of his sentence, Jack stares at the camera as he starts bleeding from his eyes. Similar to when he started bleeding from the corner of his eye and face in one of the sister locations videos (I don’t remember which one so “Antisepticeye Clips” Stamp: 2:27). You hear whispers as Jack bleeds and it gets louder. You start hearing them say “All your fault, you did this,” repeat over and over again.

In “Barry Has A Secret” , we notice Jack is acting a little strange and at 12:19 he fidgets and panics when we leave, only for us to find a (prop) baby hand in his cupboard and him saying we weren’t supposed to see that in a malicious manor. He lunges his hand toward us, then the camera goes black.

(I’m not sure what the blinding light at the the end of “THEY ARE LISTENING | Stories Untold - Chapter 2″ Stamp: 30:27 means, but the beginning again refers back to Dark Silence, which came out later then this video, but maybe you guys can try and help me figure out what the light means.) “THEY’RE HERE! |Stories Untold - Chapter 3″ Stamp: 40:50 . Whispers start and the screen goes black and you hear this dialog “Jack... Jack! This is Chase. You need to wake up!” Meaning he is hearing this in his head, Chase is another entity in his head, another persona that he can take. Also that would mean Anti is able to be in Jack’s head or in real life if he is truly a demon.

“IT WAS ALL CONNECTED! | Stories Untold - Chapter 4″ Stamp: 45:07 we are greeted to Jack tossing in his bed while whispers are heard. He sits up panting and then looks into the camera and says “I remember what he did to me...” then the camera goes black. (I should also mention that “Try to Fall Asleep” is a bit weird, the intro is probably Anti telling us to try to fall asleep since it would be the easiest way to possess us, the play through itself is Chase and the ending at 19:55 is maybe Jack still in a dream until he is scared awake, which is what causes the Chapter 4 ending. Yet it doesn’t really seem like it fits right. Maybe you guys will figure this out too if you want.)

What does all this information mean? Well, Chase/Jack (Chase is the show guy and he goes by Jack in videos now since he “killed himself”, and I am using the name Jack instead of Seán because I don’t want to somehow misspell his actual name. I don’t want to forget the accent on it, I’m very picky about that. But Jack is more of the planner, the one that makes the schedules while Chase is the show boat. They are practically the same person, but Jack will call Chase by his real name while Chase just uses Seán’s nickname Jack.) is depressed about losing his family, so instead of moving on, he makes a deal with a demon in efforts to get them back. Now this demon inhabits Jack/Chase’s body in the form we know as Anti. And that’s it. It is that simple. It is the reason why Chase (TIE ending) is seen wearing the same clothing as Anti does in literally anything else he does. Why Chase hasn’t woken up since he got “captured” by Anti (Stories Untold - Chapter 1 ending). It is why Chase looks so confused in Exiles, it is Jack at the desk while Chase is trapped wondering their mind (Dark Silence ending), until Anti finds him, which is why he yells about the his family, he figures if the demon is their then his family would be back, that was the deal. Instead, Anti most likely killed the wife and kids (Barry Has A Secret) after taking over, ( which is why he has a baby hand in the cupboard and why he says we weren’t supposed to see that) and him taking over causes Jack to bleed like he did (Exiles). It is also way in Barry Has A Secret, it is evident by his demeanor in the beginning and end of the video that it wasn’t Jack or Chase. Despite the circumstances, Chase is able to break out of Anti’s control but it causes Jack to fall asleep in Chase’s place. So Chase tries to wake him up (Stories Untold - Chapter 3) and why when Jack did wake up (Stories Untold - Chapter 4) he says, “I remember what he did to me...” He remember that Anti used him and killed his ex-wife and kids. Then again this last little bit that doesn’t seem right and I feel we are missing a piece somewhere in past or in an upcoming video but we just need to wait and see.

This is what I have, hope you guys liked my theory/Story. I spent a lot of time figuring this out and setting up a timeline. This took about a week for me to make this. From having the initial idea, I had two days of research, aka watching the videos and a full day of sorting out the video orders to have it make sense and three more days of writing and editing. Feel free to share this idea around, modify it to make it better or just ignore it if you don’t like it. If you have anything that helps support or think some parts don’t have anything to do with this, feel free to say so. Hoped you enjoyed the long explanation.

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #jacksepticegos #chase brody

24 notes · View notes