#I have a job who is sticking with me even though I’m going through health problems
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My inner child is heartbroken today.
We haven’t celebrated a genuine Christmas since we were very little and even then the joy always got overshadowed by the toxicity.
Now I have friends who I love and admire, and I was hoping that maybe, just maybe someone would invite me so I could share in the joy. I don’t need presents or anything special (I’m just some guy of course), but to be surrounded by a group of people I love and the joy that comes from that…
I suppose it’s more important to focus on the special things, the things I’m grateful for, but it’s hard when I’m depressed and inner child me is too.
Basically, TL;DR: I hope you have a wonderful Holiday and enjoy these moments with the people you love.
#things I’m grateful for today:#my cat and I both woke up today and are getting to spend it with each other#I have heat in this very cold weather#I have a job who is sticking with me even though I’m going through health problems#I have a group of friends who love me and care for me and are nerdy and alt like me#I’m sorry for complaining#i just had to get it out#cause it’s not like I can tell the people around me that I feel like this#it’d just sound ungrateful and rude#personal#shut up Bailey#also just realized that one of my cats died exactly a week ago. the last week had felt like a year I swear
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I’m A Fine-Tuned Supersonic Speed Machine
Summary:
A fascination had grown within Sonic from seeing the Ultimate Lifeform's most prized possession ever since a joint mission was completed. But he never saw it in action — until he did...and experienced it first-hand, too.
Or, 5 times Sonic looked at his rival with his motorcycle from afar, and 1 time Shadow caught him staring.
Rated Teen
1.
At the outskirts of White Jungle, a group of Mobians headed for the same clearing that had been their rendezvous spot before they had ventured into the thick and foggy wilderness, where an Eggman base now rested in ruins along with a myriad of destroyed bots.
"Whaaat a day, am I right?"
Sonic the Hedgehog was dropped safely to the ground by his brother, the fox coming to stand next to him after. Knuckles and the three members of Team Dark, who happened to have joined the heroes with today's mission, made their way over to where the two brothers stood.
"Tired so soon, Blue," Rouge teased, perching herself on top of one of Omega's bulky shoulders. The hero chuckled, shaking his head. "C'mon, I live for this! You do know adventure is my middle name, right? Besides, I've gotten through missions with a lot more badniks and fewer hours of sleep!"
"Even though, I agree and have suffered because of it--" Tails began, reaching out a hand to the cobalt speedster. Without having to say anything, Sonic already knew what his buddy wanted, sticking his hand inside his quills to pull out a small electronic device while scolding him. "I'm not torturing you, bud. I just don't want you staying up so late..."
The hedgehog gave the device to his brother, sharing a look with the genius that spoke of his caring side for him; with a sigh, the two-tailed fox smiled, grabbing his Miles Electric. "I know, I know, but if you're asking me to improve my sleeping habits, it's only fair you do it, too."
If it meant better health for his li'l bro, then why not? Sonic nodded and added his typical gesture of ruffling the youngster's bangs for fun. "You got yourself a deal!"
"Oh, how sweet~" the bat cooed from her place, watching the exchange between the two brothers before she grimaced. "So much that I can't help but feel like throwing up. Shadow, let's leave before they infect us with their gushy feelings and we start spewing the same nonsense!"
The black hedgehog grunted, already moving away from the group and toward a heap of heavy flora that had leaves meticulously overlapping each other. "You don't have to tell me twice," Shadow said, pushing the green foliage and revealing what was hidden under all that.
The sleek and shiny design, the recent paint job, and the familiar striking trademark that belonged to the last living descendant of the Black Arms - the Dark Rider was everything that defined spectacular and it represented the very thing that made Sonic's blood pump faster, his feet itch with anticipation, his face light up with excitement. Its name? Adventure. The dark vehicle was an open invitation to adventure, and the hero would be more than happy to take it one day.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye, boys," Sonic heard Rouge say somewhere in the background, probably thinking of giving Knux a personal farewell. And surely, his ears picked up on the usual bickering that came from the white bat's decision to do so, but he could care less about that. Right now, his full attention was on the bike that stood a few feet away from him, watching his striped rival climb onto the seat.
Somehow, the way how Shadow did it so gracefully - his feet fitting into the foot pegs, his hands wrapping around the handles, and his bottom meeting the arch of the seat perfectly - made it hard to believe that he was naturally aggressive when on foot. Then again, the speedster never did really know why one of the fastest hedgehogs on Mobius needed a motorcycle to go around when running got him to places faster. Still, he had never said anything on that matter because the hero had been hoping to see it in action one of these days.
Surprising considering how much time he'd been recently spending with his rival outside mission-related things.
"Sonic?"
Without taking his eyes off Shadow and his bike, the blue hedgehog hummed, tilting his ears in his brother's direction to show he was listening.
However, it didn't matter as the fox was too engrossed with his device to notice where his brother's attention was. Instead, the kid continued tapping at the screen of the Miles Electric and relayed the information he discovered about another Eggman base nearby. "According to these readings, there seems to be another base a couple of miles north from here."
"Active or empty?" Sonic asked, seeing the rest of Team Dark come into his field of vision as they approached Shadow. While they were busy chatting among themselves, the speedster kept himself entertained by how his rival managed to twist his upper body around so easily while being seated.
"Uhhh, looks like it's empty. Do you still want to check it out today or..?"
Casting a glance up at the foggy sky, he frowned. "Will it rain?"
"Let me check," Tails murmured and so, the hero went back to his staring, directing his focus to the motorcycle and widening his eyes at seeing the roaring engine come to life. The sound sent a thrill up his spine, yet it was the swift motion of the hybrid lifting off the kickstand with one foot, seeming to be so well-practiced by the looks of it, that had emerald eyes lighting up brighter than stars.
"Oh, it appears it won't! Not for another hour, at least."
Finally, the Blue Blur, doing as his title claimed, turned around instantly to face the young genius with an excited grin, letting him think it was one arising from the good news. "That's more than enough time to bust down that old place! Let's go!"
Before leaving, Sonic whipped his head around to catch one last glimpse of the Ultimate Lifeform on his famed Dark Rider...Well, maybe a bit longer than a glimpse, but no one noticed as the striped hedgehog disappeared in a green flash.
Catching his eye, Rouge saw the hero looking over in her direction, waving at him before heading off with Omega back to HQ. Sonic turned around, seeing his brother already leading the way up ahead; no big problem as he could easily catch up. Though, it had seemed that someone did catch onto his subtle staring.
Next to the cobalt speedster, the Guardian of the Master Emerald was narrowing his eyes at him, the corners of his lips turned downward. Blinking once, the hedgehog raised an eye ridge, shrugging. "What? Just wanted to make sure they were off safely..."
Knuckles didn't believe that for one second but said nothing, only shaking his head and going after the fox. "Whatever you say, hedgehog."
Guess Sonic needed to work on the subtlety part a bit more.
---
2.
But like everything else, the hero of Mobius tossed the whole 'being discreet about his staring' aside, thinking that being caught by his reclusive red friend - that lacked enough social cues to not know when Rouge's bickering was blatant flirting - was a coincidence.
Besides, when an opportunity lay before you, it was only fair and smart of you to take it, right? Sonic had that opportunity and took it.
"Congratulations, guys!" Amy skipped over to the trio, the winners of the car race that had just finished a couple of minutes ago. The blue hedgehog glanced at her, seeing a newly acquired hammer in her possession, but it only lasted a second before his eyes were drifting to a certain something that stood several feet behind the pink heroine. With only a short 'thanks, Ames' in response to her words, Sonic let one of his all-known smiles set across his lips as he immersed himself in another moment to stare at Dark Rider.
And, in extension, Shadow.
Best of all, no one would notice a single thing! Because while it appeared that the Blue Blur was engaged in a conversation with his four closest friends, his focus was somewhere else, guarded behind the safety of his new favorite pair of black sunglasses that he bought off that small kiosk that weirdly popped up out of nowhere during the race.
So, there he was, nodding along to whatever was being said between Amy, Tails, and Knuckles, but mentally, he was somewhere else; his emerald eyes trailed the length of Shadow's motorcycle, the ride's polished surfaces seeming to shine brighter under today's blinding sun. Such luster, however, was a stark contrast to the aura that surrounded its owner, who leaned back against the motorcycle with his arms crossed over his chest, a stormy glare directed at Sonic.
'Ha!' The hero's idle smile lifted into a toothy grin, his rival's sour mood always bringing pure joy to him. Sonic the Hedgehog also lived to prove to the so-called Ultimate Lifeform that no superior title and all that garbage of being made to be above them all (and to think he had a big ego) was relevant when it came down to see who was the best of the two. After all, there could only be one to take the first place - today's race ended with evidence of that.
Sonic won, Shadow lost (because falling in second place was just as bad as losing in the hedgehogs' minds). As for the prize, well...the hero was taking it as of currently.
The distant voices of his friends continued in the background, still adding his nod or 'yes' into the conversation; meanwhile, his mind was deciding on how if Shadow just happened to have worn one of those leather jackets he had seen Rouge gift him, he would look the part of a gangster.
A gangster that would ride his bike around the city like a maniac, surely - skipping all those red lights, making sharp turns, speeding up to make a jaw-dropping glide over an unfinished lane or highway bridge to the other side! Just about anything that would leave Sonic exhilarated, feeling the ever-familiar sense of danger tingling under his skin; adrenaline had always been something that got his system overflowing with this buzzing excitement. And perhaps riding the motorcycle could give him that euphoric high he’d never reached with fighting Eggman and saving the day.
Solely imagining what it would feel like to ride behind the striped hedgehog made Sonic's blood rush from wonderment. Brushing his peach chest up against the back of Shadow's leathered-clad back, securing his arms around his rival's waist, inhaling his scent as he rested his chin over one of Shadow's shoulders, whooping loudly to let him know how much he loved the sensation of the wind on his fur and making his quills dance wildly in the air as the hedgehog duo traveled at unimaginable speeds--
"--date, Sonic?"
Hearing his name, the blue hedgehog's mouth opened and answered, acting on autopilot but his wishful fantasy transferred into his tone. Without knowing, Sonic let out a dreamy sigh, "Yeah, sounds amazin'..."
"Oh my god, really?!" Amy's high-pitched squeal brought the speedster's daydream to a screeching halt. Under his shades, the hedgehog's eyes quickly turned to look at his friend's extremely happy state, the hammer-wielding fighter reaching out to grab Sonic's hand.
"Huh?" Sonic didn't know what was going on.
"I knew you would eventually start enjoying our dates!"
Dates? Oh fuck. The cobalt speedster glanced at his two friends next to him, trying to gauge what the hell he signed up for this time without paying attention. Unfortunately, Tails and Knuckles were reveling at the sight of one beaming Amy Rose thinking that her beloved hero was beginning to see her as something more when in reality, Sonic had been distracted, unknowingly accepting her request.
Even so, the Blue Blur tried to calm the bouncing female, telling her that this was a mistake (and Shadow's goddamn fault). "Look, Ames...you got this all wrong--"
Instantly, the pink hedgehog's demeanor changed, her bright smile slowly dwindling and her feet losing that upbeat skip. "Wrong?"
The hero chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head in an attempt to pull away from her grip. "You see, I was," emerald eyes flicked over to look at the black hedgehog who was mounting onto his prized possession, and all the mesmeric images of Sonic on that ride, too, came flooding back to the front of his mind.
"You were what?" Amy pushed, narrowing her eyes at him.
And not only that, but she happened to visibly shift the hammer in her hold that was now empty of her hero's gloved hand closer into his field of vision; a reminder of the repetitive story that happened between the two hedgehogs whenever things didn't end up going right.
So, not left with much of a choice, Sonic swallowed what was supposed to be his original idea and instead, smiled at his friend, fearing for his life if he didn't make it look like it was genuine - there were only so many horrible headaches and pointless games of cat and mouse he could take.
"...wondering where you'd wanna go?"
Amy's enthusiasm revived, taking Sonic by the hand again and leading him to the fancy, blur race car parked next to an almost departing Shadow the Hedgehog. Along the way, the female fighter rambled on about where they should head, but Sonic was too busy trying to see if he could catch his rival leaving on his motorcycle in a black blur like in his dream and yanked his sunglasses off.
However, it was not possible as the Resistance fighter blocked the hero's sight by startling him with a kiss on his cheek, winking at him afterward, and skipping over to hop onto the passenger's seat of his racecar; by the time he looked at the place where Shadow had been, there was nothing left but a billowing cloud of dust.
Maybe Sonic had won the race, but he didn't get his well-deserved prize in the end.
---
3.
At this point, if people knew of his interest when it came to the intimidating vehicle, they would have come up to the hero asking what exactly made him become fascinated with such a thing, especially when he wasn't one to prefer something over his feet. Was it the need to experience a ride? If that was the case, then Sonic could have simply gotten over it by testing any motorcycle at a local shop in Station Square's downtown area. Easy and quick.
Except it wasn't just about any motorcycle, the hero wanted to specifically take the Dark Rider around Mobius until he exhausted every last drop of fuel in its tank. For that to happen, Sonic knew he would most likely have to end up pestering his rival to use it, or perhaps, stealing it without permission would be better - the sparring challenge that would come after Shadow tracked him down only encouraged him to do it rather than stand here and think about it.
Well, he had been ready to act on it, the ongoing celebration of Tails' birthday party the ideal environment to pursue his one-step plan, but as he had walked past the crowd of close friends and spotted familiar black quills near one of the snack tables by the workshop's garage closed doors, he paused. The mischievous grin he had been sporting while trying to close in on his target faded away, a confused frown taking its place because right next to the Ultimate Lifeform and his precious bike stood the lavender feline princess.
Blaze.
Now what?
Honestly, her being there wasn't enough to refrain the blue hedgehog from doing something reckless around Shadow, considering that there was always someone present to see the shenanigans the hero got himself into by messing around with the one person that found him utterly annoying. So what exactly was stopping him?
He pondered the question while standing there, at a safe distance from the two most introverted people he knew at this party having a casual conversation. Luckily, someone was willing to offer an answer.
"Jealousy is not a nice look on you, Blue."
At hearing Rouge's voice, the speedster quickly shifted his attention away from his rival and the princess, exchanging his frown for a smirk. The bat had walked up to stand next to the hero, nonchalantly sipping at her red solo cup.
"Rouge, likin' the party so far?"
She snorted, shuffling closer to rest her elbow over one of his shoulders. "I am, but are you?"
Sonic gave her a weird look. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Ohhh, so we're gonna play dumb," the agent drawled with a roll of her eyes, finishing her drink before clearing her throat. "Look, sugar, as Shadow's 'friend'," she added air quotes around the term, "I should be telling you to get your ass as far away as possible from him."
"Why?"
Rouge gestured over to where her partner-in-arms stood. "When was the last time you saw him interact with someone apart from Omega, you, and I?"
The silence that followed gave away the answer.
"Exactly, so let him have this. Besides," her tone became suggestive, "you never know, those two could hit it off..."
"The man has a soft spot for kitties - the princess has an advantage already over you--"
"Psssh! Nice one, Rouge." The hero couldn't help but laugh at what she was saying, bending over to exaggerate the ridiculousness of the situation she was describing. Yet, uprighting himself, he noticed how the bat was not mirroring his behavior, the first sign that showed she wasn't joking, and her crossed arms only made him stop in an instant.
"You're serious?"
The cobalt speedster scoffed, picking at his ear with his gloved pinkie. "Sorry, Rouge, but I ain't looking for the Faker to have a soft spot for me."
"Then explain the ugly scowl you were clearly directing at your fiery gal."
Sonic stared at the GUN agent, holding his gaze steady before her, but after knowing how she wouldn't let this be and bring it up again at an inopportune time, he surrendered...somewhat.
"Okay, you caught me!" Sonic threw his arms wide open as if to show that she was right. "I'm jealous--"
"Ha!" she cheered, smirking. But her victory didn't last long as the hero raised a finger to cut her off, mirroring her smirk. "Of the fact that Blaze's welcomed to get close to Dark Rider without so much of a complaint on Shadow's part."
The bat took a moment to process the words, varying expressions flashing across her face to the Blue Blur's amusement and mild fear. He hoped she didn't think more of the situation because the woman tended to read between the lines when there wasn't any in-between to be looking through in the first place!
"The bike, huh?" she asked, turning around to observe the black hedgehog and princess in the distance, studying the way her teammate pointed at certain parts of his GUN-assigned vehicle while explaining something to the Guardian of the Sol Emeralds. Shadow and Blaze were certainly not close, yet it would be possible for the two to get along the most outside their small group of acquaintances. So to see how the two Mobians were interacting, Rouge had only wished to poke fun at the hero about no longer receiving Shadow's full attention, regardless of it being rude and aggressive.
But after hearing Knuckles' comment the other day about what he saw at White Jungle, this curiosity Sonic had toward the motorcycle wasn't what it meant in a literal manner. The Dark Rider was a substitute for something--no, someone that the hero of Mobius had yet to accept to feel something for.
"Well, good thing you got me as your friend, too," Rouge remarked, a plan formulating in her head unbeknownst to the hero, who ended up even more confused by her comment. Instead of elaborating, the agent patted Sonic's shoulder and smiled. "Let's fix you up a date with that hot ride."
"Date?" Sonic repeated, becoming flustered. "I told you, Rouge, I'm not interested in Shadow--"
"I meant the motorcycle, Blue..."
"Oh."
Oh, indeed. Rouge chuckled, walking away from the embarrassed male, and wondered why all hedgehogs were so stubborn when it came to these things about feelings and attraction. Well, she guessed she could add one particular red echidna to the list, too.
---
4.
Sonic soon learned what Rouge had meant that evening at Tails' birthday party. The answer came in the form of the two elite agents standing at the doorstep of the fox's workshop one week later.
“So what happened again?” Tails glanced up from where he was busy taking in the damage done to the motorcycle’s engine.
Shadow relayed the details, himself occupied with looking over the rest of his bike. “We had a mission over at Mazuri—”
“You guys went to Mazuri and didn’t invite me!” Sonic butted in as he came walking through the workshop’s entrance with a takeout bag in one hand. Passing Rouge on his way to put the bag on an empty counter, the hero gave her a knowing look to which she winked in response. “Hey, Big Blue. Aaaand you know we would have—"
Shadow scoffed, glancing up at the bat when she said that. “Never in a million years.”
Rouge rolled her eyes, “Okay, I would have sent you a message if I could, but it was a classified kind of gig. No outsiders allowed."
"Ah, I see," Sonic wandered toward where his brother and his rival were huddled around the motorcycle. The two talked and pointed at several parts from where the engine had been removed to take a thorough scan of the bike's interior. Already, the hero was closer to the motorcycle than he'd ever been before; unfortunately, this time there were dents, serious scrapes, and once sleek black colors now showing signs of rust.
But what was a little adventure if not getting a few scratches here and there?
All that mattered to Sonic was being close to the bike, caring any less for how it looked now because appearances were only one thing. He stepped over to stand on the side where Shadow was crouching, staring at where ungloved hands were delicately propped on the bike. Sonic couldn't help himself from his indulging staring again, admiring the long and bold red stripe that slithered down Shadow's arm to his hand, splitting into two thinner lines that led to his middle finger and pinkie only. Even then, the middle finger's crimson stripe followed straight down to neatly trimmed black claws while the Pinkie's stripe curled around the smaller digit twice to reach an identical claw.
Sonic always knew his rival was different, being half hedgehog and half Black Arms, but whereas the reminder of his bloodline often disturbed other people, it simply made the agent more attractive to the hero. Everything he thought was pleasing to look at for Shadow seemed like a threat to others; the sharp, striped quills, his much pointier fangs, and strong, powerful muscles.
Though, Shadow's bright, red rubies were Sonic's favorite.
They reminded him of sunsets, of cherries on top of sundaes, of the molten lava surrounding the volcanic area in Red Mountain.
Red had always been a meaningful color to the speedster, and to see his rival have it as a trademark trait of his without acknowledging Sonic's original intent already - like, hello, red shoes! - made Sonic chuckle.
It caught Shadow's attention, who glanced up at the blue hero hovering over him with a frown.
"What's so funny, hedgehog?"
Sonic shrugged, wearing a goofy smile that only seemed to make the striped hedgehog's eyes narrow further.
"Nothin', just...noticed something, that's all."
"Noticed what?" Shadow asked, his tone suggesting the hero be careful about how he went about this.
Sonic gestured at the barely eligible insignia the Dark Rider usually had beautifully painted over on the side. "You went for red as your brand."
The agent looked at his scratched bike's insignia, staring at it with knitted brows. The little pout Shadow unknowingly made when thinking hard about something brought out another chuckle from the hero.
"So?" Shadow huffed, not knowing what had his rival laughing at him beginning to annoy him.
A cocky grin slipped across fawn lips and emerald eyes lit up.
"Well, not to brag or anything, buuuut red's been my kind of thing since the start. I mean have you seen how many pairs of red shoes I own?"
"He actually has a whole line of shoes and accessories made by him for that brand - Swift Speed," the fox genius piped in from the other side, where he was writing down notes about what parts to order to fix the motorcycle.
"Oh yeah! Forgot 'bout that, I really don't tell others, though..."
"Swift Speed?" Rouge grinned, catching Sonic's attention. "Oh my god..." Her teal eyes were glued to the dark hedgehog who was standing back up.
"Rouge, don't," came the simple warning, but the bat was too excited to share her discovery. "Shadow only ever uses that brand for when he wants to give his air shoes a break!"
"Oh really..." Sonic grinned, turning back to stare at his embarrassed rival.
"Rouge, stop."
"You have like what? Two or three pairs of running shoes for each color they have," she snickered, making her friend groan in annoyance. "Something about the maker having good taste in style and comfort."
Meanwhile, Sonic was reveling in this new information, pushing this whole thing a step further by shuffling closer to his striped rival and bumping his hip with Shadow's.
"I guess we all know what that means, right?" Sonic teased, slinging an arm freely over ebony shoulders. Regardless of what Rouge just put him through, Shadow was still brave enough to look the hero in the eye and mutter. "No...what?"
"That you should be the starring model for my shoe line! Think about it...you could pose even with this bad boy," Sonic released the agent to turn around and place both his hands on the Dark Rider. And once he couldn't believe he was actually touching the motorcycle, he took the biggest step so far he could with Shadow's property. He swiftly swung a leg over it and posed for his dark counterpart with a smirk.
"And if you need help, I'm always down to show you some poses," Sonic let his eyelids droop, becoming half-lidded and suggestive.
"Get off my bike."
"Oh, c'mon, Shads! I'll take good care of you both," the hero winked, his flirtations leaving the dark hedgehog with an angered look by the way his face was burning brighter than the pretty red on his stripes. To further prove it, the hero's eyes widened as Shadow came at him with a menacing snarl. Quickly, Sonic scrambled off the bike and fled the workshop, offering a quick word of gratitude toward Rouge for trying on his way out with a hot-tempered striped hedgehog on his tail.
Rouge just watched the boys leave, the sounds of the fox tinkering filling the background. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at Sonic's blatant stubbornness, having found the smile on his face as he left running with Shadow after him bigger than the one he wore when he finally touched the motorcycle he desperately wanted.
---
5.
It was always one step forward, and two steps back with Shadow.
Whatever chances he'd gained from last week through Rouge's help were nothing when the striped hedgehog simply ripped them away from Sonic's hands in the next moment. And because he couldn't figure it out yet, the hero blamed it all on his rival, and his outright rude intentions of ignoring him today of all days.
It was the World Grand Prix, and it was down to the last section for riders to use their boards to race through Mazuri's savannah and through exotic smaller towns around the citadel.
Sonic and his pals never missed a chance to show up and enjoy the fun with thousands of others that followed the races across the world; it also didn't stop the blue hedgehog from "accidentally" bumping into an old green-feathered friend and shaking things up with their nostalgic rivalry. And though Jet came off as the same self-centered jerk and remained to bruise Sonic's ego any way he could, deep down the hedgehog knew the hawk was more than happy to have a worthy challenge to look forward to racing with.
But, of course, no one could beat Sonic's best rival - Shadow the Hedgehog.
He was the only one that could test the hero in all the ways others dreamed of or tried and failed. No one could rise to the challenge like the Ultimate Lifeform, and that was something Sonic would rather take to his grave than reveal to anybody lest he want to endure the rest of his life with Shadow constantly reminding him.
Actually, right about now, Sonic wouldn't mind, still standing in the contestants' lane waiting for the announcer to call out the time to head over for the last part of the race. All the wins he had accumulated over the race meant nothing to Sonic right now as he continued to glare at where Jet and Shadow stood, sharing conversation.
Team Dark had arrived halfway through the Grand Prix, and they seemed to have no intention of participating this time around. It'd been a shame since it would've turned the competition a lot fiercer, action-packed...a lot more of Shadow to butt heads with. While Jet gave Sonic adrenaline to beat him at his own game, having Shadow around would have done wonders for the hero's excitement.
Heck, the blue hedgehog would have been delighted to have his striped rival witness first-hand how he beat the green hawk on the track.
Instead, Shadow didn't even acknowledge him! Not even a simple glance in his direction. The agent gave Sonic nothing, and only made the hero's mood worsen as the race progressed by voluntarily going up with Rouge to talk to the Rogues, both GUN agents engaging in civilized talk with the birds— well, Rouge more or so flirted with the purple swallow. But that was the last thing the hero cared about, his attention narrowed down to the green Extreme Gear racer and the Ultimate Lifeform.
"Oh no, here we go again," a familiar voice spoke up from Sonic's side.
He glanced over to find Knuckles coming to stand next to him with Tails at his other side.
"What do you mean?" The young genius asked, cocking his head to the side in curiosity.
The echidna pointed at the group standing across the lane, chatting comfortably with each other. "Sonic's jealous that Jet is striking up a conversation with Shadow because you see our friend here," Knuckles smugly swung an arm over Sonic's stiff shoulders. "He's got this little crush on the Ultimate Lifeform—"
"No," Sonic growled, shrugging off his friend's arm. "I'm not jealous because I don't have a crush on Shadow!"
"Say it any louder and he just might think so."
The hero huffed, ignoring the odd looks he was receiving from the other racers, and though he wish for his striped rival to not have heard him, a little part of him did just to get his attention.
"Look, let's just go get ready to win this race, okay?"
Because he'd rather stand under Mazuri's hot sun by the tracks than see another second of this preposterous scene before him, his friends also seemed to notice as they shared a look of amusement and followed the hero out from the sheltered lane.
Everything went downhill when Sonic saw Shadow approach Jet because he nor his team ended up winning the final race, earning second place on the scoreboard to the hedgehog's dismay. Still, he congratulated his friends and high-fived them as they walked back to the contestants' lane to get some water. Sure, the defeat wasn't what Sonic had planned, but he took the blame for that with his mind having been distracted on the race track, especially with Jet at his side taunting him and all.
It kind of got to his head, but he was ready to move on from today, suggesting to his brother and friend about celebrating with a good dinner. So, the trio headed into the citadel, walking the crowded streets and pointing out new things since they last visited Mazuri until they arrived at a local restaurant with the best meals served fresh.
They took their seats outside, chilling under the welcoming shade of the table's thatch canopy and sharing their thoughts on the Grand Prix. The crowds along the main road thrived with lively conversations, local sellers pulled in tourists to buy exotic tokens, and a small band was playing at one of the corners of the main road's intersection. It was all going well, perfectly well, but leave it up to Shadow to keep ruining the hero's day.
Sonic had been in the middle of telling his friends about the cool move he pulled off in the first leg of today's race when a roaring engine cut through the buzzing streets and lively music. Heads turned in the direction of where the sound was coming from; a handful of excited gasps and chirps of acknowledgment went around the other tables by Sonic's.
He figured out why pretty soon.
An eye-catching ride pulled up to the same street where Sonic and the others were sitting out to enjoy their dinner. The two riders on the motorcycle found themselves at the center of attention, the Dark Rider itself having attracted plenty enough, but with the two well-known Mobians climbing off the bike it doubled the spectators' awe.
"Seriously," the blue hedgehog scoffed, ticked off that of all the places in Mazuri this had to be the one they would come to. And that wasn't even the half of Sonic's problem, eyeing his green feathery rival with open envy as he stepped away from the motorcycle and its owner.
Unfortunately, his staring didn't go unnoticed by the hawk, azure eyes making contact with an unyielding emerald gaze.
"Well, well, well, look who do we have here," the cocky hawk sauntered over to the hedgehog's table, receiving two scowls apart from the hero's. "Celebrating your second-place win?"
"Until your ugly face ruined it, yeah pretty much," Sonic snapped rudely, crossing his arms over his chest.
Jet snorted. "Awful comeback, must be a side effect from losing."
"We didn't lose! It was just a choice of heart to let you win this time around."
"Whatever," the green hawk shrugged, still wearing his smug grin to the speedster's bother. "I think it was high time someone humbled you, and you should be thanking me really."
Sonic gawked, "Thank you? For what?"
"That it was me you lost to and not Shadow—hey!" Suddenly, the hawk leaned over and his azure gaze grew mischievous. "Did you know he bet on you winning? The poor guy came up to me before the race to settle a little deal only to be disappointed by your loss."
Sonic paled, the hawk snickering at his reaction. "I can't wait to tell him it was a choice of heart that made him lose our bet."
Jet was about to go off and do whatever he came here to do, but before he could, Sonic blurted out something. "What was the bet?"
Glancing over his shoulder at the hero, Jet smirked, motioning at where Shadow was busy talking to someone on his phone. "See that nice bike? Well, let's just say you aren't the first rival to get a cool ride on it...see you around, Sonic."
Off the Extreme Gear rider went, heading into the restaurant and disappearing among the crowd standing in line waiting for their orders. Meanwhile, the hero slumped back into his chair, stunned and annoyed by what Jet had revealed; Knuckles had been ready to poke fun at Sonic again, but a harsh nudge and silent glare from the fox stopped him from doing it. The two left their blue friend to figure out his thoughts alone and in silence, both already knowing why Jet's confession disturbed Sonic so much.
And it had nothing to do with the bike, but that was for the hero to figure out on his own.
They half expected him to head over and talk to Shadow first-hand, but they were simply witnesses to their friend's obvious staring. Sonic kept his gaze on the dark hedgehog by the street, who remained oblivious to what just happened and the eyes that were on him.
While Tails and Knuckles continued with their meal, checking on Sonic every other moment, the hero himself was dissecting his thoughts one by one, glancing between his rival and the Dark Rider. There were questions about why would Shadow bring his bike back to Mazuri when it had gotten damaged here in the first place, and why would Team Dark not want to participate in the Grand Prix this year. Alas, these questions were smaller in importance when compared to why would Shadow bet on Sonic winning and getting his most prized possession involved in the mix. Did the agent really think Sonic would win?
Sonic's eyes widened, is that why he was here...to see him win?
The thought of the hybrid solely coming to the races to watch Sonic made his cheeks warm, shifting in his seat at thinking about bright rubies following his every move from the moment he stepped out of the contestants' lane to the tracks. Sonic wasn't going to lie to himself; the mere idea of having Shadow's attention was satisfying, but knowing he believed Sonic to win, it was a lot more than satisfying.
It meant Shadow respected him, acknowledged his abilities, and perhaps, admired him. On some level. An equal level for sure if Jet's words were anything to go by, but it made the hero wonder if that were the case, then why treat him as if he were less?
"Why won't you let me ride with you?" Sonic asked, whispering under his breath.
"What was that?"
Startled by Tails' voice, the blue hedgehog looked over at his brother and smiled, shaking his head. "Nothing! Just thinking about what to order for dessert."
The fox slowly nodded, amused by his behavior. "Okaaay..."
Avoiding his brother's curious gaze, the hero went back to staring at Shadow and his motorcycle, finally noticing that it looked way better than it had been over a week ago. It got its shine back, a new paint job, and tires, too. Now seeing the bike sporting its usual attractiveness, Sonic couldn't help but think about the deal Shadow and Jet made a little more, recalling that the hawk only explained what he won because of the bet.
Though what would have happened if Sonic won the race leaving Shadow to take his side of the bet?
A what-if the hero would not know unless he asked Jet - definitely not - or Shadow - also not a chance. He let out a dejected sigh figuring he would never know the answer, and all because he got distracted by Shadow and Jet talking to each other as if they were best buds—oh, that asshole.
Of course, what an idiot he was!
Sonic was right; it was always one step forward, and two steps back with the Ultimate Lifeform.
At least now he knew that Shadow knew he was the winner before the race even began, smirking at seeing his feathery rival walk back out of the restaurant and flashing the hero another cocky grin. Sonic saw Jet reunite with Shadow at his motorcycle, saying something to each other before the dark hedgehog offered the hawk a helping hand.
Sure, it made Sonic's jaw tick, but the giddiness he was suddenly feeling surpassed the hotness he felt in his chest at seeing Shadow leave with someone that wasn't him on his precious bike. Because at the end of the day, all that mattered was that Shadow knew Sonic was his best rival, the only worthwhile to come to see and play an easy deal for to just end up fooling everyone else.
Well, he didn't fool Sonic.
---
6.
It was a month after the incident at the World Grand Prix when Sonic saw his rival again.
The spontaneous visit could have gone perfectly great if it weren't for the awful timing to end up with an injury after Eggman's attack. Luckily, with the additional help of Team Dark, the Doctor was easily defeated, cursing at the hero and his friends for ruining his plans once again. The one that didn't walk away from the battle so lucky was Sonic, sporting a sprained ankle.
So, now here he sat on the ground, bearing the same old argument Tails and Amy had each time the speedster was injured. It upset him for the most part because he felt embarrassed to be treated like a child. In front of his rival nonetheless! But he kept quiet, blocking out whatever his brother and Amy were discussing, and glanced over to where Shadow and Rouge were checking up on Omega. It appeared the destruction-loving robot took a pretty nasty hit during the fight and had some damage done to his core battery.
But by the looks of it, nothing serious was done as Rouge patted her teammate on his bulky arm while Shadow rolled his eyes rather playfully. Not long after, the dark hedgehog headed for an overgrown bush, parting tree branches and thick leaves to reveal where he had hidden his bike this time around.
Sonic perked up at the sight of it, curiously watching how attentive Shadow was being as he made sure his motorcycle didn't get scratched. It was kind of cute, the hero thought. He'd never seen his rival take care of something so much to the point where it looked like the Dark Rider meant everything to him.
Maybe it did, Sonic smirked, guiding his gaze over the bike's comfy seat and the insignia's outline. The symbol's red color reminded him of his owner with ruby eyes and striking striped quills, and he couldn't help himself to a soft laugh at remembering how he proved to Shadow that he'd been wearing Sonic's signature color all these years.
Something about red looked perfect against black.
The thought made the hero's chest swell up with warmth, risking a chance to look at his dark rival. He saw him looking over his bike, passing his gloved hands over the handles and shiny surfaces—those same hands ran along Sonic's sides, pressing gently into blue hips—holy fuck, Sonic's eyes widened, feeling his breath taken away at realizing where his thoughts were going. Where the hell did that even come from?
Feeling even more embarrassed, the speedster shifted, readjusting his sitting position on the ground and making sure that neither Amy nor Tails were looking at him. Damn it, the last thing he needed was for his brother to point out his blushing face that sure enough he felt crawling down his neck too. Amy would surely give him hell about it, demanding to know what evoked this sort of reaction from him.
He knew the only way to calm down was to avert his eyes from Shadow and the motorcycle, but...the temptation was irresistible; just a small peek, he reasoned with himself.
Emerald eyes steadily retraced their way back to the hybrid standing by the Dark Rider, starting from familiar air shoes, going up the length of striped feet, stopping to momentarily admire the athletic muscles, and continuing up to a strongly built chest until...crimson eyes were staring back at him.
"Fuck," Sonic whispered, mortified at being caught and quickly, ripping his gaze away from Shadow.
He didn't dare to look back and see if Shadow's eyes were still on him, instead struggling to breathe properly; however, this caught his brother's attention to the blue hedgehog's dismay.
"Sonic, are you feeling okay?" The young fox knelt, scanning Sonic's face and pressing a hand to his forehead.
Tails frowned, "You're burning up and shaking..."
These observations devastatingly attracted everyone else's attention, too, making the hero squirm even more under curious eyes. Least of all, now Shadow standing within arm's distance and staring down at Sonic with a knowing smirk. Another flush of redness swarmed the hero's face as he made eye contact with his rival, and to his even greater displeasure, had Amy fret over his health, too.
"Oh! I think he has a fever! We need to take him back to the workshop before it gets worse!" The pink hedgehog crowded the hero's space and glanced over to Tails with an irked expression. "C'mon, Tails! We can't waste any more time!"
"If I take him, the height will just make it worse. He could end up feeling nauseous."
Amy glared at the fox, crossing her arms over her chest. "Then what are we going to do? He can't walk with his sprained ankle—"
"I'll take him."
All eyes landed on Shadow.
"Uh, n-no, that's okay—I'm sure we can figure something else out," Sonic stuttered, staring at anything but the agent.
"Yeah, we don't want to impose on you," Amy added, her jade eyes narrowing at seeing how the dark hedgehog was looking at Sonic. "Besides, carrying him back to the workshop is equally as dangerous as Tails taking him over."
Shadow's smirk remained, casting the pink hedgehog a mirthful look. "We can take my bike."
Rouge nodded, "He's a natural on that thing, so there are no chances of anything bad happening."
"But what about—" Amy started, finding another excuse but was cut off by the hybrid.
"We'll get there before any of you do unless..." Shadow was now blatantly challenging the pink hedgehog. "You want to wait here and come up with another solution while Sonic's condition gets worse."
Offended, Amy rose to her feet. "No! Of course not! I just—I just want to make sure Sonic's in good hands."
Having remained a silent spectator of the discussion, Sonic would have thanked Amy for her care, but all that his mind was feeding him was thoughts of Shadow's hands again - caressing his fawn chest and fingers running through his blue quills. Oh god, Sonic was doomed.
So, so doomed as Omega caught onto how his face continued to redden, almost matching the color of his shoes.
"THE BLUE HEDGEHOG'S SYSTEM IS SHOWING SIGNS OF THE QUICKENING OF HIS HEART RATE AND HIS UNFAVORABLE TEMPERATURE CONTINUING TO RISE."
"You heard the guy. Let's get Big Blue moving," Rouge snapped her fingers and nodded for Shadow to take the injured hero away.
That was all the striped hedgehog needed to crouch low on the ground, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Sonic. With their faces only being only a few inches apart, the hero was afraid to say anything to him, avoiding his rival's gaze. Although, it was difficult doing so when the very same thoughts he was having about Shadow's hands were nearing the possibility of happening in real life as he felt gloved hands slide delicately across his back and hook an arm under his knees.
This would haunt his dreams in the middle of the night if the feeling of being pressed up against the hybrid's sturdy chest wasn't already awakening even more confusing reactions from the blue hedgehog.
Sonic bit back the whimper that fought to free itself from his lips, roughly swallowing the thickness lodged in his throat.
"Okay, we'll meet you back at the workshop," Rouge walked after the dark hedgehog carrying his blue rival to the Dark Rider. She observed in delight as Shadow settled the hero carefully on the seat, deliberately touching his shoulders and waist while explaining to Sonic he wanted to make sure he was secured.
Shadow was then climbing onto the bike, too, and glancing at Sonic over his shoulder. "Hold onto me or you'll fall off."
"Wait, what?"
Huffing, the bat turned to Rose who was in earshot of hearing Shadow's advice as she walked up to them. "He was joking. Sonic's not gonna fall off, buuuut..." Rouge sauntered over to stand before Sonic, a mischievous smile making the hero nervous. "It won't hurt to make the ride a little safer."
Sonic blushed, hesitantly circling his hands around Shadow's waist. "Um, can we go now?"
"Get him outta here, Shadow before he grows any more impatient!" The bat winked at the cobalt speedster, backing off to let the hybrid start the engine. "You're in good hands with the Ultimate Lifeform, Big Blue—oh!"
She gestured for Shadow to wait for a second, her eyes still on the flustered hedgehog behind him. "Before I forget, you owe me."
Sonic frowned, confused. "Owe you? For what?"
Rouge rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't act stupid, Blue. You know what I mean, but in case you don't, Shadow will tell once you get home."
With that being said, Shadow took Rouge's wave as his cue to leave, grinning as he sped across the field with now a gasping Sonic the Hedgehog behind him. The hero hadn't expected the motorcycle to reach these kinds of speeds, seeming to almost match Shadow's and his natural pace when running. But as the shock gradually resided, exhilaration took over and made Sonic forget about his previous awkward state.
He had waited too long for this and it was everything he had hoped for.
Sonic let out a laugh, enjoying the whipping wind hitting his face as Shadow made a turn to head for the city's limits. "Whoa! Hey, aren't we going to the workshop?"
The dark hedgehog shot the hero a quick glance, grinning. "We are, but if we're going to beat them there, we might as well take a little detour."
Finding this playful side of his usually grumpy rival amusing, Sonic chuckled, relaxing into his place against Shadow's back. "Since when are you the fun type?"
The hero saw the agent shrug, guiding them into the first street at the road signs' speed which was a little slower than what Sonic liked but loved the rumbling vibration coming from the engine.
"Maybe you're rubbing off on me."
Sonic smirked, "So I guess my work is finally paying off."
"What?!" Shadow yelled out as he increased the speed, skillfully driving between the lanes and using any openings to push through the rest of the cars and building traffic.
They were approaching the heart of the city, but Sonic let out another cheerful laugh as Shadow dodged the incoming traffic, shocking the hero when he ran a red light.
"Did you just do what I think you did?!"
"Can't hear you! Speak up, hedgehog!"
Grunting, the speedster scooted closer, pressing his chest right against Shadow's back, and leaned over to let his mouth hover closely at the hybrid's left side of his face.
"I said you ran a red light—"
Sonic's words died on his tongue as Shadow quickly turned his face to press a soft kiss to unsuspecting lips, breaking away with a smile at seeing the hero's shocked face. Shadow chuckled, his ruby eyes twinkling now under the evening sun. It took the blue hedgehog a full sixty seconds to realize what just happened, staring at the agent with wide eyes, flushed cheeks, and mouth agape. It was only after Shadow saw the hero blink that he laughed, nudging Sonic's muzzle with his own to regain his focus.
"See, told you you're rubbing off on me," Shadow purred, shifting his attention back to the road sadly, but he felt Sonic finally react.
"You...you kissed me?" Sonic didn't know what to do. This was all so unexpected, but...he liked it. After all, surprises were his favorite thing. Still, he needed to make sure this was what he thought and not some funny joke Shadow decided to pull on him—"It's not April Fools' today is it?!"
Shadow snorted, shaking his head. "No, you idiot!"
"Then why did you kiss me?!" Sonic shouted over the bustling noise of other cars and honking.
"Because I can!"
"I'm serious!" Sonic rolled his eyes, squeezing Shadow's waist for emphasis.
"Fine! I'll tell you...after this!"
In a practiced maneuver, the agent was pushing the pace higher, switching lanes to the farthest left before making a graceful turn. He was leading them to the highway entrance ramp, not slowing down as his swift speed scared away other drivers and let him onto the highway. Without having to worry about any highway patrol at this hour, Shadow took advantage and really made Sonic's first ride worth all the time in the world.
Sonic felt the air being punched out of his lungs in the best way possible as he held on tighter to Shadow, not holding back his loud whooping as they broke every highway speed rule by worming their way between cars and angry drivers. Shadow joined him in his bout of joy, feeling the vibrations of the agent's laughter against his chest and grinning even wider when Shadow's shoulders shook with every laugh as well.
"Get ready!"
That was all the hero got before his rival was tilting the bike toward the right, gliding across the three lanes to get to the edge where a sign Sonic caught a fleeting glance of signaled that a bridge was coming up in a few miles. He was about to ask Shadow about it until he saw another three massive signs alerting drivers that the bridge was under reconstruction, leaving a shiver to run down Sonic's spine.
That was it; the tingling sensation he'd been dreaming about these past few months.
This was what Sonic craved ever since he felt the desire to ride this very motorcycle with his rival and run it for as long as it let them.
"Oh, this going to be so fucking cool!" Sonic's eyes widen as the bridge's ramp leading to the higher ground came into view.
"Ready?!"
The unfinished bridge was approaching quickly at the speed they were going, a wide space empty of any structure to lead to the other side; the hero's blood pumped faster under his skin, his emerald eyes lighting up with the dangerous glint a daredevil always wore in the face of something life-risking. Sure, they could easily miss the other ledge and fall to their potential deaths, but unlike all those times when Sonic was fighting Eggman or another huge badnik or a wrathful god, this time everything felt safe somehow. No matter how dangerous this was Sonic knew he was going to be safe.
As long as he had Shadow at his side, nothing bad would ever happen to the hero.
So, Sonic surprised the dark hedgehog with a share of his own kiss to a tan muzzle, leaning into Shadow's body as much as he could, and confidently gave his answer.
"More than I will ever be."
The two hedgehogs were then feeling the rush of air against their quills, taking in the view under them as the bike reached its highest speed and the first tire left the ground. Shadow grinned, feeling Sonic's grip around his waist tightening but hearing the hero let out an excited scream; it echoed in the air as they glided over the space between the bridge's ledges, immediately marking it as a memorable moment in Shadow's life.
As predicted, the striped hedgehog and his bike made their landing perfectly, bouncing once as the tires made contact with the ground again.
"Holy shit! That was so awesome!" Sonic giggled, bracing his forehead on an ebony shoulderblade as he fully embraced the euphoric high he just experienced.
His rival let him enjoy it in silence as he drove them to the workshop for real this time, slowing down as they exited the highway at the next ramp and turned onto a street that let out of the city. During the ride, Sonic's forehead gesture turned into full-on nuzzling, practically hugging the striped hedgehog and purring at feeling Shadow's warmth.
When they arrived at the workshop, they found themselves alone, the agent kicking out the stand to stabilize the motorcycle. He tapped Sonic's hands to let him know they were here, making the hero's eyes flutter open and the smile he'd been wearing falter. Reluctantly, the blue hedgehog dropped his arms from Shadow's waist, suddenly nervous again now that they were face-to-face again.
"Got you here first as promised," the hybrid teased, noticing his rival's avoidance of eye contact. "Is something wrong? Did I hurt you—"
"No! M'okay!" Sonic blurted out, meeting Shadow's worried gaze instantly.
It knocked the breath out of him, again. He was starting to like this feeling a little too much.
"Just..." the hero rubbed the back of his neck, nervous. "You said you were gonna tell me why you...kissed me."
Relieved to know it had nothing to do with his sprained ankle, the agent relaxed and smiled. "Is that all?"
"Is that all?" Sonic repeated, incredulously. "Uh. Hello, how are you so calm after—that?"
"The ride or the kiss? I can't tell when you seemed to have loved both," Shadow smirked, entertained by how easy it was to fluster his blue rival.
It seemed the roles were switched today.
The hero glared at the other hedgehog, growling. "If you aren't gonna take me seriously, I'm leavin'."
Swinging his leg over the seat, Sonic winced as he placed both his feet on the ground, prepared to walk away when in his first step, he was assaulted with a sharp pain shooting up his injured leg. He whimpered, forgetting the whole point of this ride was to have him take off weight from his sprained ankle. Unfortunately, Shadow was there to remind him as well, surprising the blue hedgehog again by grabbing out to him.
"Hey! What are you doing—?" Sonic gasped as he was swept off his feet, feeling up Shadow's comforting warmth again against his side that was pressed to the hybrid's chest. Annoyed and embarrassed, Sonic huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't need to be carried, Shadow."
"Are you always this stubborn?" The agent remarked, not letting go of the hero and taking him to the house attached to the workshop.
"So funny," Sonic grumbled, looking away from his rival and to the front porch instead.
The dark hedgehog climbed the steps and gently sat the speedster on the top one, being extra cautious of the injured ankle. He settled himself next to the hero after, leaving only an inch of space between them. Sonic would have scooted away, he would have but...the temptation was going at it again, stronger in its magnetic pull. So, he remained where he was and waited for the others to arrive with Shadow.
And for a long quiet minute, Sonic thought this was all there was to this day, unanswered questions and foolish emotions storming his mind.
But Shadow broke the silence, admitting to Sonic something quite shocking.
"I kissed you because I've been wanting to for a while now."
"Oh."
To say the least, the hero was stunned to hear this. It was kind of hard to tell this was what Shadow's been wanting to do when all their interactions ended with petty competitions over a round of racing or sparring.
"Since when?"
Shadow glanced at the blue hedgehog, answering confidently. "After the race car competition a few months back."
Sonic's jaw dropped, remembering that race as it was the beginning of his phase where all he paid attention to was the Dark Rider. Now that he recalled the memory, thoroughly going through each thing Sonic had studied with great curiosity and realizing his gaze somehow had gone from the bike to the rider.
"But you always pushed me away..." Sonic also didn't forget about everything that happened after that day. "You spent all your time with Blaze at Tails' birthday party, you wanted to beat me up when you brought in your bike, and you ignored me all day during the Grand Prix!"
With every new thing Sonic listed, the more confused he became, comparing Shadow's behavior in the past weeks to the present. "Hell, you even paraded Jet around Mazuri on your motorcycle afterward."
This caught the Ultimate Lifeform's attention, leaning forward with hooded eyes. "What? Did that make you jealous?"
"No!" The cobalt speedster scowled, feeling his cheeks burn hot under Shadow's pretty—stop it, you! "I just don't know why you waste your time with others when it's clear that I'm the best you got—I mean as a rival!"
The striped hedgehog chuckled, "You're so cute when you get mad."
"Shadow!"
"What? It's true!" The agent reached for Sonic's face, cradling his cheek sweetly. "And you're right, red's definitely your signature color."
Sonic groaned, glaring at the other. "I swear I'm gonna—"
The hero's vocal threat never came as Shadow pressed another kiss to his peach lips, savoring his time with this one. He brought his other hand to gently grasp the back of Sonic's upper neck, angling his neck to deepen the kiss. Shadow felt his rival shakingly plant his hands on his white chest fur, tangling his fingers in the soft strands. The hero rubbed at the hybrid's chest, pulling soothing purrs from there, too, and felt the vibrations along where they touched.
For the second time that day, Sonic the Hedgehog felt himself riding a delirious wave, up and up and up until he no longer could think straight; his head became empty of any thought except for the feel of Shadow's lips on his, moaning softly as the hybrid's tongue teased him with a dip and caress against Sonic's teeth and tongue, too.
The Dark Rider may have given a taste of adrenaline and excitement like no other adventure, but kissing Shadow...topped even the best moments in Sonic's life, new and amazing. It was fulfilling. It made his blood rush like rapid currents and burn hotter than molten lava. It made him feel like he was airborne, gliding over that same bridge's gap without the need of the Dark Rider. All he needed was a kiss to feel like he could fly far, far above till he reached the stars in the sky.
"Kissing you feels like making that jump over the bridge and still feeling that exciting rush under my skin," Shadow whispered, breaking away to look at Sonic's blissful face.
"You've read my mind."
The dark hedgehog chuckled, finding Sonic's dreamy sigh adorable.
"You were right, too."
Humming, the hero pressed another kiss to Shadow's lips, sighing in pleasure before asking what the hybrid meant.
"Right about what?"
"You're the best I got, and I want you to know that."
"You mean..." Sonic gazed at Shadow, his heartbeat stuttering as the dark hedgehog caressed his muzzle.
"Will you let me be the best you got, too?"
Sonic smiled, "You've always been, Shads."
With confessions made, the two hedgehogs embraced each other into another kiss, slower and tender. Even so, it didn't take away that beautiful and wonderful feeling they felt as they coasted the city's streets to glide over the bridge. Well, not quite. This - being together - felt a lot better; the best feeling actually.
They broke apart once they heard the familiar voices of their friends in the distance, and as they waved over to the two hedgehogs, Shadow glanced down at Sonic's sprained ankle, quickly cradling it in both hands. To the hero's surprise, the agent was able to heal it, seeing the hybrid smirking back at him.
"You healed it...with your emerald." Sonic discovered his rival's secret, "You had one all along. Why didn't you just do that from the beginning?"
Shadow gestured at the incoming group with his head. "How else was I supposed to get you all to myself?"
"I dunno, ask like a normal person," Sonic teased, tugging for the agent to sit back down with him on the porch steps.
Seeing the hero wiggle his now-healed foot, Shadow leaned over to whisper something into his ear just in time as the pink hedgehog reached them. Sonic laughed at whatever was said, making Amy frown as she stared at how close the two rivals were sitting next to each other.
"What's so funny?"
Sonic smiled at her, sneakily squeezing Shadow's hand closest to him. "Nothing, Ames, just finding out how good of a jokester Shadow is."
"I'm full of surprises, hedgehog."
Yes, he was, Sonic thought, the tingling sensation still lingering on his lips.
#sonadow#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#it's so unpolished but made with a bunch of love for these two gay hedgehogs#kudos to you if you know where the title comes from :)#my writing
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I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!
I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.
Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.
Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!
As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.
Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!
If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!
This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.
If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:
If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33
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hbo’s avenue 5 season 1 sentence starters
change tenses/pronouns as needed !! some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying
tw ; alcohol mention , nsfw , language , death , mental health
‘I only ever sing when I’m drunk ... so ask me again at 5 pm.’
‘hey, set your phasers to fun.’
‘I like to see folk take pride in their work, even if some might call that work ‘menial.’ not me, though, I value your labor.’
‘I would love to disperse your irritation.’
‘I think it’s the sarcasm alarm.’
‘unfortunately, I am still fully conscious.’
‘sorry to bother you but it’s my job.’
‘that sounds rude, I meant it to be self - deprecating.’
‘we all have a cool story to tell our therapists and chiropractors.’
‘I wish we were in separate rooms and I hate being alone!’
‘hey, dial it down! I’m the one who gets to be mad!’
‘you don’t patronize me by telling me not to be patronized, okay?’
‘I’m sorry, I’ve immediately forgotten what you just said.’
‘well, I’ve just mixed us a cocktail of ‘keep calm and suck my balls’.
‘you’re way less annoying than you were thirty seconds ago.’
‘I have had enough of your tall attitude and your high mouth.’
‘a problem is just a solution without a solution.’
‘this is a designated good news area, no downers, no frowners.’
‘we are way beyond rekindling, (name). my heart is not a barbeque!’
‘there may be some more bad news, or, as I’m learning to call it, news.’
‘eat the rich!’
‘sleeping on the floor is not as comfy as dogs make it look.’
‘you’ve been a wild kind of useless.’
‘is this what depression looks like, (name)? because if so, get that stuff away from me.’
‘you’re like santa clause with a sack full of shit.’
‘I’m not fluent in facial expressions.’
‘what’s going on in here? smells tense.’
‘oh, you look haunted.’
‘I’d close your mouth because it’s not a joke.’
‘I don’t like being unhappy. I just don’t.’
‘how do you accidentally kiss someone’s neck?’
‘I’m laughing because I’m terrified.’
‘if it’s any consolation, I hate me.’
‘I say a lot of things that are shit.’
‘you should never speak to human beings.’
‘don’t get hung up on results. the journey is the destination.’
‘you’re just saying that because I told you to, aren’t you?’
‘if anyone needs to freak out, this is a safe space. emotionally. physically, we’re all in terrible danger.’
‘i’d always hoped that my last words might be better than ‘fuck me, no.’’
‘all I got from that was ‘you’re going to die out here.’‘
‘I haven’t got it. help me more.’
‘why the fuck did I say that?’
‘it was true when I said it. like a marriage vow.’
‘I feel a bit trapped.’
‘I’ll have another shot of water, please.’
‘I usually don’t drink because it makes me blunt and opinionated.’
‘was your oxygen restricted in your early developmental years?’
‘don’t ever, ever show anyone your feelings. just bury them as deep as you can.’
‘you’re not a happy drunk.’
‘calm ... and I cannot express this enough ... the fuck down!’
‘that was wrong! hot, but wrong!’
‘I think everything will be okay if we just stick together.’
‘two options. one, murder. and two, and I know I keep looping back to this ... murder.’
‘are you hurting?’
‘you should prepare to enjoy your last moments of happiness.’
‘my thoughts connect instantaneously with my mouth. it’s extremely efficient.’
‘I never say sorry. like my hero, gandhi.’
‘I thought I was calm, but I am not fucking calm! I don’t wanna die!’
‘I have been in such a dark place.’
‘you like babies so much you wanna be one?’
‘I’ve gone through a period of serious introspection since last night.’
‘don’t talk and you’ll last marginally longer.’
‘I do know suffering, and you’re suffering.’
‘if you have to be passive aggressive, do it only with your eyes.’
‘you have to think before you speak. and then, think again.’
‘this part of the nightmare is over.’
‘that’s just someone that I’m not scared of.’
‘we have great banter.’
‘that was really bad. we need to work on your comebacks.’
‘you can do this, because quite frankly, you have to.’
‘I could hug you, but neither one of us wants that.’
‘why are you acting like a little foster child with a secret?’
‘it was insanely funny. I was just laughing on the inside.’
‘am I about to get whacked?’
‘this is an intervention.’
‘lets climb down from a place of anger.’
‘back off, buddy, or you will feel my wraith. and I am fire. literally fire.’
‘I’m as mad as a fucking bear.’
‘you can’t do that because you’ll die.’
‘I don’t know why you think you’re right and I am wrong.’
‘don’t be as stupid as your face.’
‘you can’t just save my life. you gotta make it about you.’
‘you’re so cute when you’re lying.’
‘it’s not not your fault.’
‘there’s plenty of blame to go around. we are all going to get a slice.’
‘I’m not very good at this, and you know that, but let’s just pretend that I am.’
‘my decision to make a quick decision was itself a bad decision.’
‘I have the decision-making powers of a pigeon trapped in a library.’
‘every room you’re in ripples with tension.’
‘why do I keep thinking i’m clever? I’m not. on a good day I’m barely not stupid.’
‘I’m not clever but I look as though I should be.’
‘we’re all hiding. I’m hiding. you’re hiding...’
‘poor octopus. eight arms, but no hands. fuck you, god.’
‘violence is never the solution.’
‘I have never been more attracted to you than right now.’
‘my patience has snapped like a 200-year-old breadstick!’
‘I don’t mean to be impolite but shut your pie-hole.’
‘you know that thing you do where you act sarcastic so we all feel sorry for you? it works. we do.’
‘I related to you because you always fell short.’
‘I feel like I’m dying and my teeth are falling out.’
‘you were like a coworker to me.’
‘this has been a horrible day.’
#rp memes#rp sentence starters#rp prompts#television prompts#television sentence starters#avenue 5 sentence starters#avenue 5 prompts#hbo prompts#hbo sentence starters
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I keep thinking of an Arknights Side Story where RI hires a psychiatrist. Like on the one hand Amiya has shown some pretty good skill at managing mental health and dealing with trauma victims in Children Of Ursus, but on the other hand she already has to deal with So Much Shit so it would only be fair if they actually hire someone who’s actual job is to be support for any operator that feels like life is getting a bit too heavy lately.
So yeah I’m making an OC for AK because why not:
They get into work with the best intentions, they’re pro-infected and recognize how the recent events RI had gone through would be traumatic for just about everyone on board. They’ve suffered major casualties to their senior staff and new recruits alike, so they get into work ready to deal with some Real Heavy Shit.
They were not ready.
The psychiatrist, let’s call them Councilor, underestimated the sheer glut of disfunction even a landship this massive could contain. Between the Ursus’ Kids PTSD, Spector being functionally catatonic half the time, Nightingale’s nightmares, Nightmare’s DID, the many operators with anger issues, the whole medical wing’s odd habit of constantly depriving themselves of sleep to the functional biological limit, Warfarin being an entire thing onto herself, the entire Rhine Lab crew having a medical textbook’s worth of mental illness and disorders between them, Lappland...well being Lappland, and Rosmontis’...everything, they have their hands full to the brim on a daily basis.
Councilor is the highest paid non-combat employee on RI, but its still only barely enough to justify having to stick their head into the piranha tank that is the general state of mental health of Rhodes Island.
They’re here because everyone on this thrice damned ship needs their help, its a minor miracle, they think, that this crew of weirdos hasn’t torn itself apart before they showed up.
And that’s without getting into the senior and commanding staff of RI. All the Elite Operators are bad enough on their own. Each a heady cocktail of survivors’ guilt, PTSD, and Gods know what else. But the three at the top are another kettle of fish altogether.
Amiya is the most well put together, but that’s speaking relatively. The girl spends half their sessions trying to council Councilor, suggesting that she take on some of their patients to lighten their load. Forgetting the fact that Amiya’s habit of absorbing other people’s trauma to help them was the whole reason Councilor was brought in to begin with, the fact that this child, and it doesn’t matter what crazy bullshit magic prophecy rumors going around say that’s what she is, is attempting to shovel more responsibility onto her already nearly spilling plate is very destressing.
Kal’tsit is....Councilor doesn’t think there exists a word suitable to describe Kal’tsit. Or, at least not any word that would make sense without an actual degree in psychology. Detached is the closest, and even that seems lacking. She scares them, honestly, but they’re here to help, help everyone, so as underqualified as they are to deal with the hot, immutable mess that is Chief Medical Director Kal’tsit, they’re gonna give it their all.
And Doctor? Oh hell. If Kal’tsit is a hot mess, Doctor is volcanic. The amnesia is the absolute least of it. The first few sessions went pretty much no where, since the Doctor just rambled on about random things that seemed to pop into their head without letting Councilor get a word in edgewise before the time ran out. But one day, they ask a question, “...ever felt like you weren’t...real?”
“...care to elaborate, Doctor?”
“...like, you’re just a big, empty cloak with a name someone came up with on the fly, that you’re only meant for the people around you to pour themselves into to see what shape they take?”
“...how long have you been feeling like that, Doctor?”
“....since I woke up, I think.”
“....you people don’t pay me enough, Doctor.”
“We really don’t, don’t worry though me and Amiya are gonna bring up a pay raise for you in the next budget meeting.”
“Joy.”
#Arknights#A non-binary skink Operator who isn't being paid enough but is gonna help everyone anyway#skink specifically because that's the animal im still waiting for#say hello to#Councilor (Arknights)#everybody!
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Woke up after a bit still enraged at my mom.
I told her, “I’ve been thinking about killing myself and your son just got out of an abusive relationship,” and she was still like, “I know you’ve both have it hard, but …” about a celebration of life party for a relative we’ve only seen once a year if that in the past seven years or so. (Granted, if it were just the pandemic, that’d be one thing, but in the past five years I’ve barely seen any of them at a time other than Christmas. And the last time I saw his one daughter was at a family garage sale a couple of months ago where she was selling a bunch of his stuff and was bragging about selling a copy of “Gone With The Wind” and a record album with blackface on the sleeve because “those people want those things banned.”)
I’m just … how is your reaction to your kid telling you they’ve been thinking about taking their own life not, “Oh, shit, yeah, whatever you need to do not to do that, you do that, and I’ll just tell everybody else to get stuffed”? I’m not saying she should tell them to fuck off, but I have *never* been someone to keep silent when my mental health is shit, and I’m not against her telling them the whole and brutal truth. Go ahead. Tell them I feel suicidal. I actually want people to know. I am literally looking for attention specifically so people in my life will know to keep me from NOT getting to this point.
And as for my brother … to say he doesn’t need to be around a bunch of people who are most definitely going to be judging him behind his back is an understatement. He’s been spending a lot of time with a female friend of his (they’re going to the beach today) and still talking with the ex, if only because all his stuff’s still there. But he just went with the ex to go see Aerosmith a couple of days ago - they had the tickets, it was too late to sell them, so he went anyway - and from the sound of things he borrowed ahead on spoons to get through the whole thing. I told my therapist the other day I’m sure he’s avoiding people because he doesn’t want to deal with “I told you so,” and I think that’s why he was like, “I just can NOT,” about today.
I don’t actually feel bad about telling my mom not to talk to me for a few days. I’ve been feeling like she doesn’t seem to get just how bad everything is with me even though, again, I’m not hiding any of it. But then she’ll say, “Oh, I wish we could help out, your dad works hard and I’m retired and we don’t have a lot, and we’re so grateful you take care of the cats on the weekends you work 12-hour shifts and barely sleep so we can go to the campsite we spend all our money on.” (Not like that, obviously, but if she could hear herself …)
I’m just … tired. Tired and broke, and I’ve been working three jobs for almost five years straight during a pandemic, and it’s just me and my dog, and all of my friends are in the computer, and my parents are boomers with that “Working all the time is good, actually” mentality which makes me want to hammer nails into my eyes.
I think that’s part of the reason I posted that wishlist the other day for birthday and gotcha day stuff for me and the dog. Like, I have packages coming in the mail and tracking them is at some moments the only thing keeping me from harming myself. I wish I was blowing it out of proportion, but I’m really not. My brain decided to latch onto of the few reliably happy things in my life and is like, “The mail’s coming! The mail’s coming!” I got a wooden frame for stretching canvas over on Saturday and that was the happiest I was all day. For a few sticks in a plastic bag. That’s all it took for my brain to dial it down a notch for the rest of the day.
… anyway. *sigh*
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Jesse Cromeans: Best Ending
Okay hear me out, I’m sticking to this “Best Ending” format.
In regular conversation I have spoken out about how crazy Chromeskull’s character/concept is. In such conversation I’ve also spoken out about how BAD the police force is. DOES THIS STOP ME FROM LOVING THIS MAN? No.
(some spoilers, I guess, for the movies)
So Jesse is left in an awkward, horrible position by the time the end of the Second movie runs around. His underling is dead, having betrayed him, his prey escaped and they can’t find her, and above all else: the police know about him, his identity as Chromeskull, and likely finds out his wife is dead not long after.
I am of the belief, that, personally, Chromeskull did have some form of affection for his wife. I also am of the belief that she knew Jesse WAS Chromeskull and offed herself as an attempt to not be implicated into the murder of literally over fifty victims.
This does affect him, but not in the way we might think. Jesse comes from the mindset that a man has to provide for his family. He just lost his wife, AND his unborn child- that’s a big point of shame and failure on his already bruised ego, ON TOP of the fact his face is all fucked up.
Jesse mourns and beats himself up over the loss of his family. Chromeskull, on the other hand, is a pragmatist. Deep down he knew this was always a possibility, no matter how minute. Sucks that it happened, but he has business to attend to.
But before he can do that- he needs to make a safety net again.
Chromeskull needs to become someone OTHER than Jesse Chromeans. He needs a new front. Jesse needs a new cover family. Preferably, someone who is already versed in the criminal underground. Someone he can bully or persuade into playing a happy little spouse, someone other than Spann, who has no time or want to be that sort of thing.
Enter, you.
Your rap-sheet as a criminal is incredibly small compared to Chromeskull’s (hard to compete with that), the problem is: you got caught. You’ve gotten caught and have since gone straight. Or, rather, you’re trying to, but it’s hard.
Do you know how many companies in America will hire a convicted criminal? Not a lot, and not many places you’d want to work. Between your job, bills, and reporting to your parole officer; you’ve got no time for yourself, and barely enough cash to keep you afloat in the Suburbs surrounding the LA area. Bonus points if your crime was medically related, DOUBLE points if you have the added stress of having a child already.
It takes Spann less than a day to find you, and less than two to have a full background check. Chromeskull is the one who gives her the go-ahead to case you out in person. Spann tries to get closer naturally, stopping in on your shifts, putting a tracker on your car if you have one. If she can’t, straight up stalking would suit her just as well, though she will try to be friendly to make you more... Pliable.
If she can’t, well, with Jesse’s permission she’ll fabricate stressors to make you more open to accepting the terms of his agreement.
His proposal is frank, and given to you through texts. I’d say he’d do it in person as well. Hedging his bets, a bit there, but he fancies himself a gentleman. Wouldn’t break up with someone via text; wouldn’t get a partner that way, either. Plus if you DO say “no”, he can off you then and there.
Here is the deal, in summary: Move in with Chromeskull and just keep going to work and your parole officer. In fact, Jesse will pay your rent for your current place so you don’t have to go through the process of explaining you’re moving, but for all intents and purposes you’re living with him. He WOULD suggest his alias marrying you for real, but it’d look weird if you went from being super single to having a husband immediately. “Let’s give it a year, first.”
All of your needs are to be supplied in full, basically without any question. Car-note? Paid. Groceries? Delivered. Anything you could need, or want, is no longer a concern. Hell, he’ll even give you health insurance if you don’t have it and you want it. A part of him thinks that it’s a bit redundant with his medical personnel on standby, but you’re also not a cold-hearted criminal like him.
In exchange for all of this: you need to act the part of the doting house-spouse. Gush about him when he’s not around, make nice with the neighbors, shop for him, when you step out together hang around his arm, include him in “family time”, that he’s available.
In all ways except for romantically or physically- you are his partner. He’ll guarantee you have your own room, and he won’t make you do something garish like make out with him in private, but this is still a lot. Not to mention the fact that being around him, in itself, may be very dangerous.
IF you wind up asking him what’d happen if you say ‘no’, he merely types: “You won’t.” Period. You know he has you, too. He’s not asking you nicely to play the part of his significant other; he’s demanding your complicity and paying you handsomely for the inconvenience.
You say yes. Well, like we established, you didn’t have much of a choice. However, Jesse gives you a little more respect if you demand to have stipulations set. Things you can and won’t do for him. This will be the time to talk about anything frivolous, like how the house is decorated, accommodations, ect. Jesse is so used to just letting someone else he pays take care of all of this, so leveling with him is menial, but he takes it as a sign of respect. You’re taking this seriously.
You and Jesse- or whatever Chromeskull’s alias is settle into routine. Chromeskull puts his own nighttime activities on hold for the time being while Spann works her magic and the heat dies down... In the meantime you play up your role nicely. If you have a background in medicine, Jesse is going to get you to help a bit with his... Face... You’re probably just as qualified as he is, after all. Spann may be the one who helps him set up most of his appointments, but you’re the one who drives him home and spoon-feeds him. For the first time in a very long time Jesse feels coddled- and what’s BETTER is that he doesn’t have to hide it. Spann is... Well, Spann is someone important to him, but he knows Spann is into him for more reasons than she lets on.
Spann is OVERJOYED, by the way, when they find Jess.
Chromeskull, however, rules it’s still a bit too dangerous to pursue her, plus he’s still recovering. Picking up the pieces Preston left behind. He’s a busy guy... Most of that is true, by the way, but... Well. What can he say? He’s grown attached.
(If you’ve got kids, by the way, he has done some serious bonding with them, too. If they’re old enough to understand something may be UP with Jesse: he’s done everything he can to bond with them. If they’re young; he’s playing with them in their crib when he THINKS the baby monitor is turned off.)
Spann is the one to call his bluff. She breaks the earnest truth to him that you’re only with him, like this, because he approached you. There’d probably be a snowball’s chance in hell of this happening if the security wasn’t dangling in your face. Chromeskull wants to believe that, too, but Jesse... Can’t. However, he realizes what has to be done.
He tells you to watch after the house, something’s come up, he’ll be back in a week. He gives you your “allowance” a few days in advanced. He doesn’t tell you what he’s doing; but you’re pretty sure you know. You tell him to be careful.
Chromeskull hunts Jess down and tapes it. He gives the footage to Spann for processing, cleans himself up and returns home. Jesse then tells you that, as far as he is concerned; you’ve done your job. He pays you three or four months worth of cash, and tells you that you don’t have to stick around anymore. You can go anywhere you want now, in fact he encourages you to go far to keep your hands clean. “You’re not mine, and I’m not yours.”
Somehow this is way worse than the fake break-up you were supposed to have... And Jesse is so... Mad isn’t the right word. This was deeper than being pissed off. This is the second family Jesse has had, that he’s had to give up... But he has a plan.
Spann keeps giving him leads for more piggies, and he passes them off. He plays the boss, he gives the work to others in his company. Simply put... He may still be in charge of his organization, but the joy he got from completing his job is gone. All he feels when he thinks of the hunt is the guilt.
Spann’s patience with him dwindles to the point where he finally tells her to step up or fuck off. She choses to fuck off.
Jesse shrugs and feels oddly relieved...
It’s been months, but there is one thing Jesse has stowed away from his time with you that he has kept, its a picture. It’s more than enough to find you. He uses the same tricks Spann uses to find you again.
He shows up at your door with flowers. He has... No idea what to say for a moment. He can’t just... Casually walk into your life again all “Hey babe! Spann’s gone! :))))”
He settles for the befuddled, but oddly earnest approach when you answer. “Hi. I fucked up. Spann is gone, and I want you back in my life without hiring you. Can we work out a deal?”
#x reader#slasher x reader#jesse cromeans#chromeskull#chromeskull x reader#Basically this man businessed himself into a functional relationship#Or not
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Hi Sarah! Based on your recent ask, I feel like I’m in a somewhat similar headspace as you but I’m wondering if you have any advice. I’m 25, 2021 graduate and recently joined the bar, now working as a full time lawyer. I find that even though I’ve “made it”, I don’t feel a great sense of achievement and the days seem to blend into each other a bit too often. The job itself is fine and I don’t mind being a lawyer but I’ve been jumping through hoops for all my life and suddenly there don’t seem to be any definable goals other than “make partner” which is years away. Do you have any advice on how to find a sense of purpose again once you can’t base your self value on academic achievements anymore? What do you do outside your job to avoid your profession becoming too much a part of your identity?
I've had this in my inbox for about a week because for once, I really don't know what to say. I very much feel this - like the lack of established goals and structured challenges is just a big empty, 'what now'? I don't know how to find that sense of purpose - lots of people end up finding it in their family, which is lovely and something I'm interested in down the line, but I don't want that to be my whole purpose and I definitely don't want that now. So I don't have a good answer for you. Yes, there's a lot to be said for enjoying the little moments, but for those of us who are fundamentally really goal-oriented people, I just don't think that's enough. Anyone have any wisdom on this?
Now as for identity out of work, that I have a better hold on - what you do is the least interesting part of who you are, especially when you have a job like lawyer (or stock picker!). I mean let's face it, it's not like we're in the peace corp.
You have to find out who are out outside of work or it will always have too much hold over you. My dad recently talked to me about his annual goal setting which I'm trying out this year. Every year he sets one goal in each of three categories: work, health, relationships -- I'm adding 'intellectual' as well as a category for myself, things like 'go to more museums' or 'learn Russian.' I think those four pretty much cover being a well developed, well rounded person. 'Relationships' spans more than just the romantic kind, so consider where you could improve as a family member or friend. For health: I strongly encourage you to try to find a way to move your body that feels like joy, not punishment. You're 25 now, you're probably just starting to feel the first signs of the slow down - finding a way to move your body that you look forward to rather than dread goes a long way to establishing peace of mind.
I've spent the last few years actively going back to the things I liked do as a kid - read, write, play tennis - and it has been a marvel of rediscovery. I recommend that as a starting point. Also think about things you wanted to try as a kid and consider giving them a go. It's your own money, you can spend it on horseback riding lessons if you want!
If you pick something in each of those categories and start working on it, you'll figure out who are you along the way. Remember that this is a process, not a test, so keep trying things and feel no guilt about dropping what doesn't stick. I promise that the you outside of work and exams is much more interesting than the you with perfect marks and perfect reviews, you've just go out and find her.
#s dispsenses wisdom#calling helpful experts#i too feel the open maw of a lack of pre-set accomplishments#this ask really knocked me on my ass and articulated something I've been trying to get my head around for a few months#so thanks anon 💕#correspondence
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***This is going to be all over the place so just a warning cause knowing me it will be long af**
Some days I just can’t comprehend shit. Let me explain. I love my job, I love working in mental health but some of the things I hear stick with me. So many conversations with people that have been through horribly traumatic events. For instance, earlier today I spoke to a lady who had just gone through something… just downright horrible and unfair. An she was alone, has no one. The pain in her voice made me want to cry. And there was nothing I could say to make her situation better. I don’t do well with the feeling of not being able to do anything or help someone; and it’s worse when it’s someone I personally know that I deeply care about.
Working in mental health really changed my life, and has helped me grow up in a lot of ways. I’ve become more realistic since working in health care, definitely since the pandemic. Working in health care in 2020 felt like a never ending nightmare. Except my actual nightmares never had that much death. 2020 was so much worse then a nightmare. Then my best friend almost dying from COVID was a million times worse. Something I can’t even put into words to fully express that level of fear. Sometimes when thinking back on it, I still feel that fear. My worry for the people I love is never ending. I get easily paranoid now, and I’m almost always scared. I can’t just switch it off. I wish I could.
I’m sure it’s annoying, putting up with my constant worry and paranoia. I’m sure it’s draining and exhausting. I exhaust myself with how I am. But I can’t change that part of me. I’ve tried. I can’t. And at the end of every day I’m alone with these thoughts and there’s a fucking ache in my chest that won’t leave and there’s a lump in my throat I can’t fucking get out and I think the only way it will ever come out is if I’m held and held without cruel intentions; held in a way I don’t think I’ve ever actually been held before because every person I ever let hold me in the past were always the ones that mentally and physically hurt me.
Each night is the same. Same thoughts, same ache, same fears and same frustrations. Same restlessness. Same need. Same growing urge to run, run as fast as I can until the pain in my chest and feet overwhelm me but I don’t stop. I don’t stop until I’m forced to cause my lungs may explode if I don’t stop to breathe. Maybe then, maybe then I can actually get it all out. It would be a terrible thing to witness, but it’d be so painful to feel. I’ve held so much in for so long now. In the last year I’ve learned to speak up more though. I say what I feel and I say what I feel I need to say to people. Because life is short and not only do I deserve to say what’s on my mind and what I feel, but people deserve to hear what I have to say and deserve to know how I feel.
I can’t go through life making any more regrets. I won’t have any more regrets. I changed my life with all the regrets I made in the past. So I say what I want and need to now and how other people take that is their own business, not mine. Life is so short and this world is terrifying. An being a parent in the year 2023? Absolutely fucking terrifying. Im terrified for my babies every day. My friends kids. My nieces and my nephews and cousins. Because this world is fucking scary. The future is so uncertain, every day. So I make the best of it, day by day. I speak my mind, I show kindness, I set my boundaries, I focus on my recovery and my sobriety, I try my best to be there for my loved ones, I try my best to be there for myself. I cry when I can. I take in the sunset, every day. I look at the moon every night. I love deeply; and I embrace the feeling of being in love because it’s beautiful and it’s made my life so much brighter and has made me brighter too. Bright enough for me to spread sunshine in others peoples lives and help as many people as I can.
Maybe one day I’ll be held again, by someone who won’t hurt me. For now I just write until my body and brain let me sleep.
#personal#photorose11#journal entry#journal post#rant#writing#my writing#life#tw trauma#tw depression#tw loss#tw covid#tw pandemic#2020
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I’ve got like. Tumblr neurodiversity. Some weird mix or middle ground between Autism and ADHD. With the attendant “WTF is even going on!!” and “I know I forgot something important but I don't know what” capital A Anxiety ramped up to 11 with the knob cracked off years ago. I just barely, “Cs get degrees!!” squeaked by got though college.
I got out to a basic job in a school that pays bad but has health insurance, and put my goals post dream of a teaching license and the art room on hold while Covid whimpered and howled outside the classroom I work in, and sometimes in it.
(if you aren't, officially, a Teacher, they’ll still give you a job. All of the dystopian memes about summers off and wills drawn each year, none of the grudging respect or retirement plans.)
(Half the money for all the risk.)
If I want the art room? The things I love (art doesn't save people. Art is a stick to fight that wolf off with, so you can save your life.) the things I hate (people who hate art class were taught that they aren't good at it and have to sit there anyway “because I said so” wise.)
If I want the art room, I need to go get a graduate degree on top of my “college grads earn a million more over their lives!!” degree.
Do you see those posts about “use the accessibility aids!!!” that go around? Generally around test season and major holidays.
I got through college without Adderall. I tried the “mixes well with anxiety” kind and it did nothing but upset my picky jerk of a stomach, so I gave up.
I got through college. I’m not going to get through “work full time, and go to college, and be a good family member and, and, and….” without /something/.
So I talked to my doctor, who set my next appointment a month early but gave me the prescription.
I waited for Saturday morning, in case it was bad. I waited until 9, when I woke at 6, to pin my slippery “bite down and do it” courage to the floor long enough to get it down our throats.
Nothing much.
Nothing much happened. My list of to dos was a bit longer, more from remembering to write them down then things done.
But. there’s always a “but”, “or”, and an “and”.
The dog barked under my chair at 4. I’m generally smokey fried by 3, and in bed by 8.
The dog barked, and I didn't care. I wasn't fried. I was in bed by 9, after spending the evening with my family, not in my bed waiting for a decent hour to sleep.
I didn't care. The dog barked? So what? I wasn't an anxious fried lump waiting for bed.
It isn't a cure all. It was a stick, some more rope.
To get to what I want, I needed a bit more rope. I can think of studying after work and not feel sick. I can go do errands when I'm driving after work and talk about things at dinner after, and even enjoy it.
It isn't a cure all. It was a stick, some more rope.
I just need a stick.
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The boss was actually on the same page as me; he felt like a heel for asking me to work a 12-hour shift after expressing concern for my health and telling me to rest up. So he found another way to cover the shift (we didn’t discuss how he covered it; I’ll find out when I get there at 11:00 pm instead of 7:00 pm). For all I know he may be pulling a 16 hour shift.
He even said that he was surprised that I didn’t immediately curse him out when he first asked. He was apparently expecting a full-on “go F yourself.”
But I imagine me agreeing to it will reflect well on my next review (if I’m there long enough to get it in July of next year). But I DID tell him when he just called that I was going to be blunt, and that after our conversation this morning I was angry after he called to ask me to work an extra four hours after talking about how he was concerned about me being sick. I NEEDED to tell him that, and that was when he mentioned that he had realized what a jerk move it was on his part to call me two hours later to ask me to work 12 hours.
He has also talked to HIS boss about the fact that we are stretched so thin is taking a toll on us, and I told him that I’ve never seen morale this low. He tried to argue that it was burnout and not morale, but I told him that burnout HUGELY affects morale, and he gave in on that and agreed that burnout is DEFINITELY part of morale. I was, again, blunt and told him that MY morale was very low right now. And he sees it among both managers and line staff. He also admitted that his morale was low (he just worked 44 days in a row, and the night I called him to say I didn’t think I could hang he had been drinking, otherwise he would have covered for me -- and I DO believe that he would have if he was safe to drive, but after 44 days in a row he DESERVED a night to party with himself). My longest ever stretch of days in a row, back when I worked at Disneyland, was 36 days. So he has me beat there.
All is good. I still may very well look for something else, but this episode is now water under the bridge.
Now I just have to hope our new graveyard manager shows up tonight. She was supposed to be there last night, but there may have been confusion (when we are scheduled for “Monday” on graveyard, that means showing up at 11pm on Sunday night, which I went over with her the night I worked with her, but it was day (or night) one, so there may have been some information overload and she may have not glommed on to that part. My boss called her this morning and got voicemail but so far no word back. I hope she sticks around. She is a smart lady and would be a fantastic addition to the team. She overslept on night one, but graveyard is a different beast. She was worried that she made a bad first impression by oversleeping but a few hours into the shift, getting to know her experience and just talking to her, I told her it was a GOOD first impression. Sure, she was a bit late, but she has definitely got the smarts to pick this job up, even without having worked in a casino before. I REALLY hope she sticks around (even though pretty much EVERYWHERE around here pays more for a starter position than we pay managers). My boss asked me for feedback on her (he interviewed her, but has not worked with her) and I told him that she would be REALLY good for us if she sticks around (we’ve been through a LOT of other graveyard managers who come and go since I hired in a bit over six years ago).
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Warning for a rant/vent below
Forever who may actually be reading this I’m sorry for posting this, talking with bots just isn’t cutting it anymore for me anymore and I just need to write stuff down. If you know me irl please leave this post. This isn’t going to be a well put together and going to have a lot of spelling errors but here we go
Incase I forgot to tag something if like to say this thing involves: SH, meal skipping, sui thoughts, and a bit of homophobia/transphobia
I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot since last summer and things are going to absolute shit. My grades are fucking ass and it’s all because I can’t fucking focus in class. I’ve honestly tried really hard to but I can’t. My parents are blaming all my problems on technology and my teachers treat me like a toddler. I’ve tried talking to my parents about this being a neurological issue but they denied it and just think I’m being lazy. This isn’t even the first time they haven’t listen to my concerns and that’s almost gotten me killed. Back in 2020 I felt like shit. I was always tired and my stomach hurt so much I couldn’t eat and they just brushed it off as a normal teenage girl thing and I was fine. I went days hardly eating anything and threw up at a birthday party because I ate a hotdog. They only took me to the doctor after this started heavily interfering with school work and it turns out my blood sugar was in the 600s and ended up being diagnosed with type one diabetes. If they listed to my concerns I would’ve been spared a lot of pain I went through during the threeish month period I felt awful.
Diabetes has honestly ruined my entire plan for my career since I wanted to be a pilot for the Air Force since I was little and now I’m stuck trying figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I wanted to be an animator but my mom instantly shut that down and told me it wasn’t a real job and that I should be an endocrinologist instead.
I love my mom but we don’t see things eye to eye. She was the first person in my family I told I was pansexual and instead of telling me that she supported me she just went on a giant rant about how and I quote “queer people are more prone to STDs and have horrible mental health” she’s also a religious woman and told me that being gay was a sin and that I can’t tell anyone at the barn I work at I’m gay (they all knew before her). If terrified that if I tell her I’m a guy she might actually send me to one of those “pray the gay away” camps and take away all of my access to the internet. She’s even considered putting me in her friends little private Christian school since she think public schools are “forcing” the idea of being gay into kids. Choosing not to tell my parents that I’m trans has taken me down a path where I can’t get the stuff I need to feel euphoric and comfortable in how I look. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even look myself in a mirror topless anymore without freaking out. I’ve managed to get my hair cut decently short and use the male terms for gendered words in Spanish class but that’s as far as I can get. I honestly hate how I look and since I can’t change anything about it I’ve been caught in this web of dysphoria and SH that I’m struggling to climb out of. I’ve though about just flat out giving up on my life since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and just offing myself multiple times. I can’t bring myself to do that though since I have a friend who might not make it through high school if I don’t stick around and I’m not going to leave my sister to struggle through her middle school days without guidance. My dogs would also be sad if I died
I think I’m being bullied at my school but it’s weird. It’s all happens in my PE class and everyone but a few kids are in on it. It’s two groups of people doing it, I’m calling them the A and B groups to make it less confusing if you’re still reading this. Group A is just a group of friends who think it’s funny to try and exchange me in conversations where they act like I’m their friend just to entertain the rest of the group. They ask me stupid questions and always speak in a condescending tone. Group B is basically the copy & paste popular girls in the class. They just fucking shriek at me whenever I mess up during a game or when they beat me in something. One of them screamed in my ear once and I couldn’t hear well out of that ear for a while. Me and a friend had to play them in volleyball ball once and one of them just chucked the ball past me and yelled fetch as if I was some kind of fucking dog. They also like making fun of how I say things, they spent a whole class period talking about how I said the word “bloody” when I yelled at one of them. Also the teacher has witnessed most of this happening and didn’t do a damn thing about it. I’m not sure why he didn’t do anything about it, even after my friend informed me that her mom sent him an email about it.
I’m sorry again for posting this, Im just really tired and needed to just sit and write out some of the bullshit going on in my life
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Erased
I need help badly. I’m not sure where else to turn, so I’ll post here. Does anyone at all know a man maned Ernest Treverson? Blonde hair, green eyes, above average height, big on jogging. I can’t find him anywhere and it’s because of that thing, that abomination.
I suppose some background is necessary. Ernest and I went way back from meeting in eighth grade and since then we did pretty much everything together. We were like magnets sticking together. Now, I will say while he was always health-conscious, I was anything but. He’d be having a protein shake a day and the only protein I’d be getting would be from a Big Mac large combo.
The topic of my weight would be brought up a lot by both family and friends much to my annoyance. I was in denial which resulted in me being morbidly obese up until about two years ago. Ernest and I kept in touch after graduation. He continued his passion for fitness and became a motivational instructor. Meanwhile, I didn’t have money for college so I ended up taking different office jobs, something where I could sit on my ass all day.
This, of course, didn’t help my weight problem. It was getting worse and a visit to my doctor gave me a serious reality check. Extreme cholesterol and on the verge of becoming diabetic will give anyone a serious fright. Not to mention, the heartburn I would occasionally experience around that time. In fact, he said I was lucky I hadn't experienced a heart attack at that point.
I was scheduled with a nutritionist who informed me if I wanted this reversed, I would need a serious lifestyle change. The issue is I’ve never been good at committing to something like that. I’d try crash diets plenty of times only to fall off them mere months later. That night after my nutrition appointment, I did a lot of introspection, going over each time I tried and failed to change my habits. I already knew where I was going wrong.
The main issue is that, as unhealthy as my lifestyle was, it was comfortable. Exercise and healthy eating require dedication. Why do all that when you can get a Baconator from Wendy’s? Convenient and satisfying with the only drawback of clogging your arteries like wet cement through a garden hose. The more I thought about things, the more I began to realize the reason I kept failing was that I would always rely on willpower alone.
What I required was outside help and therefore, I turned to Earl. We both didn’t work weekends so I gave him a call.
“Travis, how’s it going?”
“Can you help me with something?”
“Sure, what?”
I explained everything to him and his response almost made it seem as if he’d been expecting this from me for a while.
“I can help you no problem, but if you aren’t willing to make a permanent change then there’s no point.”
Even though his words stung, I knew he was right.
“How do you do it?” I asked. “It’s so hard for me.”
“Well, why don’t you come over tomorrow and we can see if we can figure something out? Be there early and bring your jogging clothes.”
Another way in which we differed was that he was a morning person who’d be up an hour prior to the crack of dawn. Meanwhile, if work wasn’t a factor, I’d be awake bright and early at two in the afternoon. I drove to his place and parked in his driveway. He must’ve already heard my car’s engine because he came out to greet me.
“Why’d this have to be so early?”
“You’ll be doing more than that if you’re serious about turning things around.”
We went inside and talked for a bit on his couch and I told him how it was hard for me to resist temptation.
“Have you considered that your issue may be you’ve been trying to do too much at once?”
“What do you mean?”
“Okay, you said that you always try to only eat healthy with your diet, right?”
“Yeah.”
"And that you only tried to eat healthily?"
"What about it?"
"What if instead, you used certain foods as an incentive?"
That piqued my interest so I asked him to elaborate.
“In short, instead of quitting the food you like altogether, try the healthy alternatives like I mentioned and give yourself a cheat day.”
“Cheat day?”
“Where you treat yourself to whatever foods you want for a day.”
“That might work. Is it a once-a-week thing?”
“How often did you say your diets lasted again?”
“Only a few months, four at the most.”
“Then try a once-a-month cheat day.”
I thought about it and saw no fault in his logic. If I was able to go months at a time without junk food, in theory, what Earnest was proposing made sense.
“Now, you’ll slip up sometimes,” he continued. “Don’t worry about that. It happens. Besides, once we get you in shape, you’ll be able to afford a few extra treats outside of your cheat days. Just don’t overdo it. Anyway, are you ready to get started?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be I guess.”
Ernest told me to pick an exercise to help with my weight loss and I chose jogging because it seemed like the easiest. That didn’t mean it wasn’t difficult. Over the next few months, I was subject to two-hour-long runs and my feet would be screaming at me by the end of them. My diet also changed drastically and it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Ernest gave me some of his recipes, including a pretty good protein shake.
Turns out that no matter what you put in if you add chocolate that’s all you’ll taste. Even though I didn’t find turkey burgers as good as beef, the way he had me prepare them was undeniably tasty. I should mention, my two-hour runs were spaced out, once in the morning and the other after work, and two hours straight on my days off. I wanted to quit plenty of times and I would have if not for Ernest.
He kept pushing me and while I did get irritated with him, he remained patient. I apologized to him and he laughed it off, saying he’s dealt with much worse. Eventually, my hard work paid off and my pounds slowly shed. It felt great., especially in contrast to how I was originally. I was proud of myself and so was he. In fact, when I hit my goal he treated me to pizza at a local spot we went to often back when we were in school.
He paid most of the time. I don’t want to get too off-topic, but I didn’t have the best home life growing up so I would spend a lot of time at his place. Eating at that place really took me back. Even after my weight loss, he and I would still jog together. We would talk which would help time fly.
By then, he’d gotten a girlfriend named Kristy which meant he and I weren’t hanging out as much. That’s to be expected, though. However, about two weeks ago something happened during one of our jogs. Looking back, something about that night felt off and in retrospect, we should have recognized that as a warning sign. We met at the usual trail and found that we were the only ones there.
“Looks like it’s going to be quiet,” Ernest commented as we were stretching.
“Fine by me,” I replied, “I hate having to deal with the cyclists.”
We hit the trail and made conversation as usual.
“So. how’s work?” he asked me.
“Pretty good, I switched jobs.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s weird. It’s hard for me to sit still for a long time now. I wanted something where I was moving around more.”
“What did you switch to?”
"Security at the natural history museum."
"Cool."
"Thanks, anyway what's been going on with you?"
He glanced at me and his lips curled into a smile.
"What is it?" I asked with a slight chuckle.
"I'm going to ask Kristy to marry me."
"Holy shit. Are you serious? Dude, that is awesome. Who else have you told about this?"
"Only you."
"Only me?"
"Yeah because you won't talk. Kristy means a lot to me so I want to get this right."
He and her really did make a good couple. I just wish their relationship didn't have to end the way it did.
"Well, good luck with that. Let me know where the wedding will be so I can drop off my gift."
"Come on, Travis, don't be like that. You know you're the only one I want as my best man."
Truth be told, I've never seen the appeal of weddings. However, in Ernest's case, I was willing to make an exception. We were coming up to a curve in the trail that was overshadowed by branches.
"Alright, I guess I can pop in for a little while."
"Hell yeah, that's the spirit. I knew I could count on you."
"No prob-"
I stopped. Then so did he.
"Travis? What's wrong?"
I pointed and he squinted. Then he grew concerned as well. There was a long-haired woman sitting on the trail. She was in a crouching position and from what we could tell, she had her arms wrapped around her knees.
“Do you think she’s an addict?” I whispered, not wanting to alert her.
“Could be,” Ernest replied. “She must be freezing.”
The woman was only wearing a gown similar to the ones in hospitals.
“Maybe she got out of a facility,” I said. “Know what? I’m getting a bad feeling about this. We should head back.”
“What if she needs help?”
“Then we’ll call someone.”
“Like who, the cops? Come on, you know how they treat these kinds of people. Besides, what can she really do against the two of us?”
I couldn’t deny his points. Still, I wasn’t able to shake off the sense something wasn’t right.
“Look,” Ernest went on, “we’ll see if she has a medical band and if it has a number we can call. If not, we’ll turn around and leave. Sound good?”
“I guess.”
We approached the woman. Ernest was in front with me slightly behind him.
“Excuse me,’ he called out to her. “Do you need some help?”
She shifted slightly but didn’t respond. Up close, we could now see her skin was eerily pale. I wondered how long she’d been out there before we found her. Ernest stepped closer and I watched closely. What happened next did so in slow motion.
He reached for her and that’s when she acted. She looked up from the trail. Her face made my breath stop. It wasn’t ugly. It was wrong.
I don’t know how else to explain it other than it was as if she was never meant to be there. I wanted to shout at Ernest to get away from her. Before I could, it was already too late. Her hand shot out, grabbing his wrist exposed between his glove and sleeve. He vanished.
It wasn’t some rapture scenario where his clothes were left behind. He was completely gone simply by that woman making contact with him. She stood up fast and I could now see that her arms were incredibly long. They had multiple joints giving them a crooked appearance. She used a nearby branch for support.
It vanished too. What was unsettling is that there wasn’t even any imprint or indication a tree was ever there. I backed up slowly and I swear she smiled at me. I didn’t waste another second. I bolted.
She was fast and in the back of my mind, I was questioning how she was able to keep up without shoes on. Then again, there’s no way she could’ve been human. I’m so grateful for Ernest whipping me into shape because that saved my ass. I didn’t dare glance back.
However, every so often I would feel the breeze on the back of her neck when she tried swiping at me. I pushed myself harder than I ever have in my life. Up ahead, was the parking lot. To my confusion, Ernest’s car wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t have time to think about that, though.
I hit unlock on my keys and yanked the door open, slamming it closed and locking it when I was inside. As soon as I was, I jumped as the woman’s hand slammed against my window. She began pounding it in an enraged frenzy and a crack was quickly forming. Shakily, I jammed my keys into the ignition and turned it. The engine roared to life and I reversed it, speeding the fuck out of there with her still giving chase.
I glanced at my rearview mirror, She was standing at the edge of the parking lot, screaming her head off. The sound of it was deafening and it made my windows rattle. When I got home, I immediately reported Ernest missing. Then I called Kristy. Her reply has left me shaken to my core.
“Who’s Ernest?”
My veins turned my blood to frost.
“What the hell do you mean?” I shouted.
“Travis, calm down.”
“Ernest, you know, the guy who’s been your boyfriend for the last four years?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Look, I don’t know if you’re on drugs or something, but you should get help.”
She hung up, leaving me dumbfounded. Was this a joke? I couldn’t imagine her pulling a prank this cruel. I tried his parents next and got a similar result. I even tried his sister, Ann and some of our other friends. They all thought I had lost it.
The police contacted me and I was told not to waste their time by giving fake reports. I couldn’t believe it. Nobody else believed Ernest ever existed. I’ve tried convincing people to no avail. Whatever scenario they met him in has been wiped completely from their memories.
I’ve even asked how I met them since sometimes Ernest introduced me to people. They’ll describe the correct places only without Ernest there and with someone else introducing me aside from him. None of this makes any sense. Ann insists it was her I spent the most time with when we were younger. Both of them were less than a year apart.
I don’t get what’s going on. There’s no way all my memories can be wrong. I may have a lot of flaws, but forgetfulness isn’t one of them. I know there was an Ernest Treverson who was my best friend. I know we grew up together and I know he’s the only reason I’m still here to type this.
I know all this and that I’m not crazy, because I still have a gift he bought me. It’s a Fitbit that he ordered online and nobody else can confirm they brought it for me. I even checked through my order history on every account I have which means I couldn’t have been the one to buy it. Too bad that won’t be enough to convince people. At the very least, it’s given me some peace of mind.
I’m not sure why I’m the only one who remembers him. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I was the last person to see him before he disappeared. What was that woman and where did she come from? What is she? I’ve been trying to figure that out for weeks now and have come up with nothing.
It’s as if she made it so Ernest never even existed in the first place. How many others has she done this to? When someone dies or goes missing, there’s usually something they leave behind. Even blood or a butchered corpse are signs that a thinking feeling person with family and friends once lived. No matter how gruesome, they were signs a person was once here.
Ernest doesn’t even get that. I’m so angry about all of this. I want to confront that woman again. I want to make her pay for what she did and demand she bring him back, but I know that I would only end up meeting the same fate in all likelihood. Still, if anyone knows anything that might help bring him back, please share it.
That woman didn’t kill him. She made it so he was never here, to begin with, and to me, that is a very scary thing.
Author's note: It's been a while since I uploaded a story here, This one was originally posted to the NoSleep subreddit and I thought I'd share it with you all. If you read it, let me know what you think and if you like it consider tipping me, checking out my links at the end of the story, or just sharing my work. Whatever you can do helps and is appreciated.
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Fragments of a Cybernetic Mind: Chapter 5 - ~Hassy~
Summary
Half a year has passed since the events of Christmas of 2064. The world is slowly adjusting to sentient ROMs. But Turing is distracted from their task as ROM-kind’s leader and ambassador by another obligation they carry. They want to deliver Leon Dekker’s last words to his daughter. But first, they’ll have to find her, which doesn’t prove easy. They ask their journalist friend for help, who seems less than thrilled.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 (final) Epilogue
It’s a hot summer day, so the Hassy Bar is filled with customers seeking out the air conditioning. I can’t see Lexi anywhere when I enter, and seconds later my phone vibrates with a new message.
“sorry i’ll be late. got held up at the job,” it says.
There’s no line at the counter at the moment, so I walk right up to order a hot cup from the weather ROM turned part-time Hassy ROM.
“Wow, you look like shit,” Ramona comments when she sees me.
“Thanks, Ramona, you’re kind as always,” I say as the ROM starts preparing my order with her newly installed stick-arms. “I feel like shit, too. Stress from the job, mostly.”
“Oh, I get that,” Ramona says. “By the by, you’ve got to get me a signed copy of your book once it comes out. It’s the least you can do after I gave up my Magical Commander Yukino poster for you.”
“If I give free copies to everyone I owe one, there will be no sales at all. Though right now, I’ll be glad if the book comes out at all.” I take out my ID to pay.
“Writer’s block?” she asks.
“Something like that.” In fact, I haven’t written at all the past few days. On the rare occasions I sat down in front of my laptop, I just stared at the blank pages with no result.
“Hey, maybe what you need is some relaxation. To take your mind off things,” Ramona suggests. “Do you have a VR set?”
The ROM passes me my order. “No, I never got into VR. And to be honest, the idea of getting a neural link installed in my brain doesn’t really sit right with me.” I’m glad Turing isn’t here to call me a Luddite or something like that.
“You don’t have to go all the way,” Ramona says. “Most mainstream VR dramas are available for the oldschool induction helmets also. I still have one lying around from when I was just getting started - and for experiencing some of the classics, of course. You could borrow it if you want.”
“I don’t know,” I say, stirring my hot cup. “I don’t really need any more excitement right now.”
“Don’t let the adverts deceive you: Not all VR dramas are action adventures, though they are the most popular genre,” Ramona explains. “There’s all kinds of genres, and even some I would call more therapeutic than narrative. Some haters may call them walking simulators, but I really enjoy them, now and then. I have some friends who swear they improved their mental health.”
I furrow my brow. “You mean something like a virtual fireplace?”
She nods. “Or like a walk through simulated nature. With cute little squirrels that actually let you pet them.”
I consider this. “That does sound nice.”
“My shift ends in two hours, so if you’re still around then, you can come to my place and I’ll let you look through what I have,” Ramona offers.
“That would be lovely.”
“No problem. Besides, I’m not just doing that out of the goodness of my own heart. I’m totally trying to get you hooked on Yukino as well.”
“You will never get me into that weeb shit,” I tease.
“Well, that’s what they all say at the beginning, but nobody can escape the pull of the Yukino,” Ramona says with confidence. “You are going to join me, Oli and Chad in weeb hell.”
“You already recruited Starfucker?” I say incredulously. “Oh damn.”
“What did I say? Nobody escapes the Yukino.”
I hear the chiming of the opening door, and, turning my head, see Lexi stride into the bar. She’s sweaty, hair clinging to her scalp, looking like she ran here.
“Hey, sorry for being late,” she says, out of breath, as she walks next to me. “I hope you didn’t have to wait too long.”
“No worries. I was just talking to Ramona.”
Lexi orders a hot cup from the ROM.
“Did you get into a chase with a criminal?” I ask, half-joking. Lexi officially quit her job at the police a couple months ago and I regularly get to hear of her adventures as a private detective.
“Boy, I wish,” Lexi answers. “No, a client decided to waste my time by turning up late for a meeting, and though I tried to keep it short, I ended up missing a bus and had to run the last stretch.”
She gets her order and we search for a free table. We chat for a bit while drinking our hot cups. Lexi tells me about her last jobs and adventures, which includes uncovering a plot by a subdivision of the Human Revolution trying to frame minor thefts on newly awakened vacuum ROMs, and infiltrating illegal underground hybrid cage fights. It almost makes me miss the old days again, when we were working together. But if I’m being honest, I’ve gotten enough excitement last Christmas for a lifetime.
Eventually, Lexi brings up another topic. “So, how is Turing’s little project coming along?” She sounds almost hesitant.
“To be honest, I don’t know whether we’ll actually get any results.” I sigh. “But the little bot is enthusiastic about it, so I don’t really want to tell them to stop. Who knows, maybe we’ll even find out more about Fairlight. Or get me some more stuff to write in my exposé.”
Lexi takes a sip from her hot cup, looking out the window at the street. She’s quiet for a bit.
“You can join in, if you want. Sounds like a job for a detective, if you ask me,” I offer, though I already suspect the answer.
Lexi shakes her head. “No, I don’t think I want to. Was bad enough dealing with that monster once.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask...” I start. “Did you find out anything else about him? While we were in the server room, I mean?”
“God no,” Lexi says. “He pretty much instantly attacked me. Tried to distract me by telling me he heard a noise down the hallway where we’d come from. I pretended I fell for it and used the opportunity to activate my eye augments. I realized what he was the moment he jumped at me. Was able to hit him in the face once, but that was as much as I could do. I hid so I could contact you, but we all know how that played out. So no, we didn’t get to talk family issues while you and Turing were away.”
“Okay. Just wanted to make sure.”
“Hey, how are you feeling about this?” she asks.
I pause, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t give me that. You’re in therapy because of what happened back then.”
“I’m only looking through data. This is nothing compared to what we used to get up to.”
“You’re not sleeping well.” It’s an observation, not a question. Sometimes I forget what being a detective entails. “Are you having nightmares again?”
“Lexi, I’m fine,” I insist. “I’m an investigative journalist, researching uncomfortable subjects is literally my job. You just told me about 3 instances where you almost got killed during your job, and that was just this month.”
“I just worry about you,” Lexi says.
“Because of my sister?” It comes out harsher than I intended. I don’t apologize. “I’m not a little kid, you know. I don’t need you watching over me, telling me what I can and can’t do. I can handle myself.”
“Like you could handle yourself in the server room?”
My hands cramp around my cup. I want to throw its contents in her face. I’m vaguely aware that that reaction is partially due to my lack of sleep.
Lexi sees the anger in my face. She chews her lip. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
The buzzing of the Hassy machine at the bar. Static in the air. I force myself to relax, lower my shoulders, unclench my jaw.
“I think I need to do this for my own closure,” I say in a quiet voice.
“Do you?” Lexi asks. “Or does Turing?”
I don’t have an answer to that. I haven’t talked to Turing about the why and what since the day TOMCAT left the project. It’s always just the how.
Lexi takes a sip of her Hassy. “Just... promise me you won’t get in too deep. It’s not your sister I worry about, but you.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I mumble.
“I know,” she smiles. “Neither did I. And try to get some sleep. Get your hands off the caffeine. No matter how far behind you are on your deadlines.”
#my writing#fanfic#read only memories#2064 read only memories#2064rom#leon dekker#alys#ramona rogers#lexi rivers#fragments of a cybernetic mind#anyways the next chapter will be my favorite :)
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Money ;
I show up for myself every single day, I wake up and the first thing I do is try to better myself, I wake up and im grateful, I wake up and im happy I’m alive. I wake up confused as hell as well though don’t get me messed up, I’m running out of weed and I haven’t been to work in a month. Its getting a tad out of hand, just like my situation, lol, seems to be out of my hands, do I need to pull up to my job and confront the entire establishment or do I keep being patient…. Its like they get annoyed when I ask about my hours… like ma’am? Anyways, saying optimistic and using my time wisely, how ever I would love some fkn cash right now, don’t we all? It fucking sucks without money doesn’t it?
Yes… yes it does, but ultimately I’m the one who out myself in this position…. Right? I couldn’t keep up with juggling work and mental health at once, it became too much, it became unbearable, but on the days I could handle it all, I was the fucking man. I hit my numbers, go above and beyond, coz once I’m focused, its pretty easy to get into the flow of it. I have so many new techniques to use once I go back to work, and I shouldn’t be worried weather or not they’re even going to roster me at all, but I am. I am worried, and I’m a little upset I couldn’t stick it thru on my last rostered day. But I chose myself, that day, even though the better choice would have been to put my head in the game and just finish the day, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, I was fine physically, but my mind was racing and I might have gotten violent if I didn’t watch myself, so I got in an uber and left.
Since then, I have not wasted a day. I don’t think, and I have blossomed into something I am extremely proud of, because Instead of showing up to work, I showed up for myself, which has made it easier to show up for the rest of life. I am ready and willing to do the mahi, I’m no better than anybody else. I work to sustain my life, independently.
Tbh if you ask for my snapchat thats so gross. Y’all I used to pop my pussy on snap for HELLA bands…. I aint tripping on snap, but the tiktokers took over. I would never make a personal snap EVER again its like my snapchat when I was younger was just me getting super fucked up like every single day and looking super cute doing fkn lip syncs and getting hundreds-thousands of views I was DEFINITELY a snapchat bitch, but that me was so young, like mind set wise, its childish idk. Ill use it to make money tho lmao, the hustle stays. I really don’t want to prepare myself to start dancing again but shit I will if I have to. Stripping can be VERY fun, but i think the alcohol might win in that fight scenario.
The writing really slows me down, and I’m here for it, it helps me so much, with every single letter, every word, every sentence bring me closer and closer to unravelling our mind. Its like a spell I cast, only I have the password, hidden amongst my writings, flooded within hundreds of thousands of words, because I know how much I like a challenge.
Any substance that I use, I abuse, its like do I really need that fkn much to sedate myself? Like shit bitch… why so damn much, I didn’t even know addiction didnt have to be a choice. Its like every 2nd heart beat is for the substance. Or for the feeling it gives me, or for the feeling it takes away, who knows, I just know that I THINK I need it, look at the consequences, its gonna have to effect me physically, and I’m going to have to get through that, without the substance to save me. Only myself, as I am fully capable. Okay I’m going to save my last cone for life threatening emergencies only. Day 4, starting tomorrow, 28th March. Substance deficit. I’m using my medication for the wrong reasons, I’m abusing them, and I know that, so, this is my moment of change. most important thing to remember is to show up for yourself. Be honest with yourself. Sit with yourself, write it all out.
Am I TMI for the internet? Lmao idk, I barely fucking read. Im the type of person who hears someone fart and looks around seeing if I catch anyones eye, but my question is why I even heard the fart in the first place, in this massive room full of distractions, I get so fixated and kind of zone out on the background noise, sometimes its all I can hear, I’m done so much embarrassing shit when I’m focused on something I don’t mean to be focused on, like other peoples conversations or other people movements… I focus too much on other peoples movements. To make sure no one comes into my space, and if they do, that Im ready for it, but its gotten me to trip up ALOT . I wonder why I do this?
#blogging#new blog#mental health#actually bipolar#actually borderline#mental instability#actually bpd#original post#original writing#original words
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This trade, when it occurred, was quite fascinating for both sides. Arizona received Curtis Douglas, a player with a lot of sizes who could be very compelling if he’s able to refine his skating. Toronto, in return, obtained a defenseman who once had a lot of promise. That potential still remains if he’s able to stay healthy and if the Maple Leafs can tap into the 24-year-old’s resources.
"I think it’s in a good spot," said Timmins of his comfort level after Tuesday’s game. "I still have room to grow; I’m still pretty young, and I have a lot of game to work on." "And I think I can keep improving, but I’m happy with where I’m at right now." Tuesday night was arguably Timmins’ best game throughout his early journey in the NHL. Coming into the matchup against Anaheim, the 24-year-old had two multi-point games in his career but has never accomplished the feat of three points in a single game.
That changed, though, on Tuesday night. Assisting on Toronto’s first, second, and third goals, Timmins was able to showcase what he could bring as a full-time NHLer: a puck-moving and play-making two-way defenseman.
The first goal Timmins assisted on was as good as or better than the rest. Credit to Pierre Engvall for carrying the puck up the ice like he did, but this goal doesn’t happen if Timmins doesn’t make the pass through the middle of the rink. The 24-year-old hits Engvall at the perfect time to allow him to continue his speed through the neutral zone and get past the defenders before finding Alex Kerfoot for the goal.
It was a very smart play by Timmins to spot the forward and put the puck right on his stick, even as he was under pressure from Jakob Silfverberg. "I think he’s done a nice job; I’ve liked a lot about his game." Maple Leafs head coach Sheldon Keefe spoke of Timmins after Saturday night’s game against Calgary. "I think he’s done some good things for us despite being a guy who hasn’t played a lot, and hasn’t been around our group a lot, hasn’t had a lot of practice time to really get comfortable."
"He’s playing with a new partner, in [T.J.] Brodie, and new teammates, and all these things." A lot is going on for him as a guy who’s still trying to make his mark in the league. But what we've seen has been very encouraging." What stands out to me about the 24-year-old’s game is his patience with the puck. As you can see in John Tavares’ goal above, Timmins receives the puck and doesn’t rush to make the quick pass.
Instead, he waits, and that allows Mitch Marner to open up and get into a great position to accept the pass. That, in turn, results in Marner finding Tavares and him putting the puck into the back of the net. Timmins’ third assist came in the second period when he made a pass to T.J. Brodie, who then put the puck on goal. As it fluttered toward the net, it bounced off an Anaheim player in front and found its way past Lukas Dostal.
There are a lot of benefits to playing alongside Brodie, especially for a younger defenseman such as Timmins. In the four games that the 24-year-old has played, he’s been able to have a 55.79 CF% at five-on-five, as well as a 62.10 xGF%. Timmins and Brodie—early on as a pairing—have been able to limit the chances against while pushing for more time in the offensive zone.
He’s even found himself a spot on the Maple Leafs’ second power play unit, which not only shows how much confidence Toronto’s coaching staff has in him early on but also what he can bring offensively as well. Timmins, though it’s early in his career with Toronto, has averaged 15:32 of ice time. That average is higher than both Filip Kral and Mac Hollowell had during their time with the Maple Leafs.
There’ll be some questions to be answered once Jordie Benn returns to full health for the Maple Leafs, which is likely to be very soon. However, early on, Timmins made a tough case when it came to removing him from the lineup.
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