#I feel more confident in myself and how I perceive myself and I think the confidence also helps | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sabertoothwalrus · 2 months

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There’s something I love love loveeee about Laios and how badly he wants to be cool.

Let me preface with this: in general, I believe the harder you try to be cool, the less cool you actually are. The less you care what people think about you, if you’re “cringe” or “weird”, the more likely people will perceive you as confident and self-assured.

There are countless pieces of media where characters try to fit in with some group, change every part of themself to look/act like what they’re “supposed” to be, and end up miserable, often realizing the people they’re trying to impress aren’t worth the trouble.

I’ve experienced this in my own life too! Sometimes when I go out I wear a rainbow propeller cap! Cause I think it’s funny and silly and!! I ALWAYS get compliments!! I don’t wear it to be cool, I wear it because it makes me happy. And people overall have a positive reaction to it. it’s a huge contrast to when I was teenager and didn’t really put as much of myself into my appearance/wardrobe, and barely left any kind of impression on people.

So anyway, let’s get into it.

Laios… he’s been hurt so badly by people. He resented humanity for it. And yet, he still yearns for the approval of others. He wants FRIENDS!!!! and was angry and frustrated to learn his perception of his relationship with Shuro was so drastically different than Shuro’s!!!!

He KNEW that people were put-off by his love of monsters. Up until Falin got eaten, he deliberately suppressed how much he talked about it with others. He probably thought by not talking about monsters so much, it was working!! He was doing all the Right Things now! So Shuro confessing he always hated him was a huge blow.

But the reality is, he loves monsters. And most importantly, he loves cool monsters. He fantasizes about what would make the Ultimate Monster.

He feels very strongly about what he considers “cool” as well. He finds all aspects of monsters fascinating, but can still be HORRIBLY underwhelmed when they look too lame for his tastes.

He knows most people don’t feel the same way he does. He knows his “cool” is everyone else’s “weird”. It’s so tragically sweet how he latches onto Kabru the moment he shows interest in monsters, and takes every opportunity to infodump about them to him.

He wants people to find monsters as cool as he does!! But, he also wants people to think he’s as cool as he finds monsters.

Like!!! djkfghadkfjg IT DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER HIM WHEN PEOPLE HAVE A WRONG IMPRESSION OF HIM! He's FLATTERED by it. It's almost like, at this point, it doesn't matter to him if people don't like him. People can not like him and still think he's cool.

And my favorite thing is, it works. Laios IS cool as fuck. You KNOW he thought he looked so badass when he did this and he was RIGHT:

And yet, this is him trying very hard to look cool. But it's Laios's version of cool. It's almost contradictory, in that sense. Cause he knows people still don't get it. Like. He wants to be cool. He doesn't care about the "normal" ways to be cool. He thinks his cringe thing is cool. He does his cringe thing, that people very much do still think is cringe. So you would think that, since he wants people to think he's cool, he would not do the cringe thing. But he wore the pelt because he thought it was cool. And people clapped and cheered for him anyway.

is what he's doing really so different than this? ^

YAYYYYY WOOO GO LAIOS YOURE SO COOL!!!!!!!

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #long post #photos #laios touden #I LIKE HIM A LOT!!!!!! HES SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER!!!!!

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nohoperadio · 21 days

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That cool bee book I was talking about a while ago mostly refrains from philosophical digressions (which I think is a strength, I appreciated how the author had total confidence that just clearly presenting the facts about his subject would be enough to make a fascinating book without the need for any "...and here's why that should blow your mind" editorializing, and he's totally right), but there was one towards the end I've found myself thinking about a lot, which is: he wants people to stop using "self-consciousness" (i.e. the concept exemplified by the mirror test but used implicitly or explicitly in tons of other contexts) as a criterion for which animals can be considered sentient/morally relevant/having significant inner lives/however you want to describe it. Not, as you might expect, because he thinks it's an unreasonably high bar to meet, but because it's such a low bar that it produces no distinctions: he argues that basically any animal with any kind of developed central nervous system has to have some kind of self-consciousness almost by definition.

The example I remember best is: imagine you can see an object in your visual field getting closer to you. No matter the specifics, it's obviously always going to make a huge difference to how you evaluate this situation whether the cause of the object getting closer is a] the object is moving towards you, or b] you are moving towards the object. If a, then something might be pursuing you or falling on you or a thousand other things that are just not even worth considering in the case of b. But visually the two cases are indistinguishable; if you're going to be able to track the difference, your brain has to be putting at least some work into keeping tabs on what your own intentions are and what choices you're making as you move through the world, predicting the expected consequences of those choices, and maintaining a fairly tidy mental separation between stuff in the world that you're making happen and stuff in the world that's just happening of its own volition. Otherwise, every time you walk towards a rock you'll freak out and think the rock is rolling into you, or vice versa.

And it's not hard to see how this applies to your entire sensory world right, it applies to sounds and tactile sensations and even feelings internal to your body to some extent, if you're going to both perceive the world and take actions in the world then it's mandatory to mentally separate yourself and the world before that's going to yield even an ounce of helpful information, you just can't function successfully on the most basic level if you're processing stuff that you're doing on the same level as stuff that's happening, if you're in that state then you simply don't have a usable model of the world at all, you just have chaos.

So you can very easily eliminate a certain seductive narrative about the evolution of consciousness, which starts with very primitive animals who are mentally processing nothing but basic sensory inputs, then as you rise up the chain more complex animals are forming concepts of objects and building up a more nuanced understanding of the world, until finally you approach humans and the mind becomes so subtle and sophisticated that it gains access to this special advanced meta-level of thought where it can even understand itself! No, the self is precisely the one idea that has to be in place from the very beginning, before any of it has even the most rudimentary practical value. Self-consciousness isn't the pinnacle of the mind's evolution, it's one of the lowest, most basic foundations that everything else builds off of.

I think this is really cool stuff! I don't know enough about the relevant academic philosophy of mind debates to say how far all this does or doesn't speak to that, maybe someone will tell me the "self-consciousness" concept being attacked here is a strawman somehow, I don't know. But it's definitely impacted the way I (just a dumb guy who likes creatures) think about our small small cousins and what their lives might be like and I think it's super interesting. If you think it's interesting too then maybe you wanna buy The Mind of a Bee by Lars Chittka and read it. It's mostly not about this stuff, as I say it's light on philosophy and heavy on bee-life immersion, but if you actually read this whole post then you're probably in the market for that I feel like.

#creatures: they've got a lot going on #I think we'd better just let them get on with it #nohopereadio #uninteresting

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stuckinapril · 8 months

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how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

#i have a lot to say ab this bc i went from being in a very low place to now being my own favorite girl in the world so #also i refer to women a couple of times here but really this is applicable to everyone!!#ask

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messiahzzz · 9 days

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as much as i dislike the dialogue option that leads to this scene, i genuinely appreciate gale's response. it is easy to overlook what he is actually trying to convey here and is instead commonly dismissed as him being "overdramatic" or as a display of his bruised ego.

player: it was fine. gale: i see. gale: well, fine is... fine. nobody weeps because the weather is fine. no monarchs were overthrown because their ruling was fine. no artworks were burned because they were not masterpieces, but merely fine. player: would you have rather i lied? gale: the dignified thing for me to say is 'no. of course not. forthrightness before all.' but honestly? yes... i would have rather you lied. gale: i'm just a man. an imperfect one, with needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel. a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power. gale: perhaps it would be better to not shake such a vessel. gale: forgive me. these were already trying times before elminster delivered his missive. now, for me at least, they are potentially end times.

gale is no stranger to introspection. despite having his natural blindspots, he is fully aware of his flaws and imperfections. he lacks an inherent sense of self-preservation, displays impatience on occasion, can be hypocritical, has trouble handling pointed criticism well, and has a tendency to respond in passive aggression if he feels his competence is brought into question. he seeks admiration and is known to not honor his limitations and own safety for the sake of receiving praise.

gale: [...] people have always commented on my confidence, sometimes my over-confidence, and in one particularly cut throat assessment at university - my 'abject and incorrigible self-delusion.'

gale is not blind to how he is perceived by others, nor does he dismiss their conclusions without careful consideration. instead of deflecting he simply takes what they dish out and files it away for later contemplation and inspection.

player: because you acted the idiot. and paid the price for it too. gale: as always, i endeavor to be invigorated by your candour, rather than eviscerated by it. gale: blunt as your summation is - it's correct. i dared to call myself an archmage while acting the apprentice. the hallmarks of a most excellent idiot, unfortunately.

player: i can't say i share the same high opinion of you, gale. gale: always bringing such candour to our conversations. some would think twice about mocking gale of waterdeep, but you just go straight for the gut. nodecontext: playing along, making fun of himself gale: i like that about you. it's one of your rarer qualities, though i fear my ego can take no more of it tonight. nodecontext: cheerfully accepting the brush off, not taking it personally

needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel.

gale craves as mortals do. for relevance, safety, consideration, loyalty, care, acceptance, and love. he's desperate, he's angry, he's petty and hurt and lonely. he's contradictory, and at times inconsistent. he's afraid, he stumbles, he yearns. if he loves, he does so with all his heart but forgets to extend the same love to himself. he gains understanding only to disregard it later. he is absorbed yet devoted. he expects kindness but is bewildered when it is extended to him in turn. he's neither a perfect colleague, a perfect companion, a perfect lover, nor a perfect husband. he's just another human who's trying to navigate and make sense of the world. who is silently hoping for his soul to be handled with tenderness and care, to finally be seen for who he is —no need for performance or pretense — and to be unconditionally cherished nonetheless.

a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power.

he knows the burden he carries. understanding that even a momentary lapse in judgment could spell catastrophe if he doesn't exert tight control over his emotions at all times. he knows what is at stake should he lose the composure he painstakingly had to master. a mere moment is all it takes. this self-assessment isn't an "indirect threat" intended to subject pressure on tav or solicit pity, it's a stark acknowledgment of the truth. he is a fragile human, housing powers that should've never been his in the first place.

player: unbelievable. did you ever think what would happen if the tadpole got the better of you? gale: every waking moment. every dreaming moment too. but there was no way out.

he is also keenly aware of how his (former) colleagues perceive him, following his fall from grace.

player: bold. few would dare to reduce a goddess to their 'muse.' gale: i am, after all, the villain of the tale.

this line in particular is one i often think about. it makes me wonder about the extent of information gale received from the outside world after locking himself in his tower for an entire year, setting magical wards so no one but tara would be able to enter. did he hear the whispers? ("shunned by the goddess of magic herself, of course, it was only a matter of time before he flew too close to the sun.") were his colleagues ridiculing him, applauding mystra for cutting off the rot at the source? how did he arrive at the assumption that he is perceived as "the villain" and not the victim?

player: you must have been lonely, with only tara for company.. gale: sometimes. but i imposed it upon myself, after all. i set up enough wards to keep an army at bay, never mind the few colleagues who sought to inquire about my welfare.

or is this solely his own harsh judgment of his folly? that there is no chance anyone would meet him with sympathy, kindness and understanding after what he had wrought. he was too greedy, too impatient — selfish in arrogance, ravenous in ambition. letting delusions of grandeur guide him. he brought it all upon himself with his lack of patience. entirely convinced of his success and skill, blind to the possibility of failure. now doomed to drag innocents into the abyss with him. the hallmarks of a villain, right? after all, who would truly believe him that his ambition hid no ill will?

players: by rights. i should kill you. gale: perhaps that is what i deserve, but you deserve no such thing. [...]

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #bg3 meta #another pet peeve of mine is how he is often portrayed in romantic dynamics that readily dismiss his own needs #its always about what he can do for his partner. what he can provide them. its about making him the perfect patient & selfless accessory #that will make all of ther woes and worries go away with his love and devotion alone #his own boundaries and wants aren't nearly as important #if at all #it speaks #fandom critical #(i guess?)

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creativity-deficient · 2 months

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Anywayssss I genuinely think this is one of the most important creek scenes we have so far and I don’t see a lot of people talk about it so let’s get into it

So it all goes back to this scene-

I know it’s generally agreed upon amongst the fandom that Tweek and Craig were only fake dating/doing it for the town at first, but at some point their relationship became real, and it’s easy to see why, I mean, it is left pretty vague in all fairness.

I, however though, don’t believe this to be the case? Like YES, the town shipping them together is absolutely what brought them together in the first place, and they did not seem to have any interest towards each other before that, that’s indisputable. HOWEVER I don’t think that necessarily means their relationship was “fake” either. I do think it took time and work to get to where they are now, but I also think that the whole situation, as crazy as it was, not only helped them both to be more open and honest with themselves about their sexualities, but also in the end, DID genuinely bring them closer together.

One thing I have always found super interesting about Tweek in this episode (and this could just be me) is that unlike Craig, he doesn’t seem to struggle as much with accepting his sexuality but rather, how he will be perceived because of it. His first thought when finding out about all the yaoi art is “what if my parents find out?” He’s afraid and anxious of what others will THINK of him if they know.

But in this scene, it’s clear that he’s no longer afraid, and I feel what he says to Craig here sums it up pretty well-

“I’m so sorry Craig, you made me believe in myself in a way I never have before. I didn’t think it had any of that in me but, you were right! I can do more than I think. You CHANGED something in me and I want to fix whatever’s hurting you now.”

It’s because of CRAIG that he now has this newfound confidence, and I truly believe it changed his perspective of him. Obviously I don’t think he full on fell in love with Craig right there and then, but I DO think that Craig being the first person to ever really make him believe in himself has made him start to see him in a different light, acting as the catalyst for what was about to come (in more ways than one, but that’s another rant)

It’s no secret that Tweek lives a pretty tough life. He’s abused, neglected, and no one really takes him seriously

But Craig?

Craig is the first person who has actually made feel Tweek SEEN. Like he’s MORE than what others, including himself, think that he is

It’s such a brief scene, but I feel like it says SO much, because even just being there, sitting together on the couch and being able to talk about WHATEVER without feeling like he’s going to be judged because of it is probably WAY more than anyone else has ever done for him

And you can tell it means the world to him

#sorry if this is all a mess I’m kinda rambling #anyways I love them :))#south park #tweek tweak #craig tucker #sp creek

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fafnir19 · 2 months

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A new perspective

Dan walked into the employment office, shoulders slumped and a heavy weight of dejection hanging over him. A middle-aged clerk looked up from her desk, her disinterested expression morphing into a frown of recognition. "Are you here again?" she asked, her voice tinged with irritation. Dan sighed "Yeah, I am. Another job down the drain." "What didn't go right this time?" The clerk's tone was more resigned than curious. "It's always something," Dan muttered, feeling the unfairness of it all weighing down on him. The clerk pursed her lips, her expression a mix of resignation and pity. "Maybe it's time to consider coaching," she suggested, offering Dan a sympathetic smile. "You're lucky, though. Adrian usually advises CEOs, but he's offering his services to the unemployed now." Coaching? Dan had never considered it, but he figured it couldn't hurt at this point. "Sure, sign me up for whatever you think might help," he replied, trying to muster a hint of optimism.

A few days later, Dan found himself standing outside an elegant apartment building in the heart of the city. He checked the address on the slip of paper in his hand, making sure he was in the right place. This was where the coaching sessions were supposed to take place. As he stepped into the building's opulent lobby, he couldn't help but feel out of place in his worn jeans and faded hoody. But Dan squared his shoulders and climbed the stairs to the top floor. This was an opportunity for a fresh start, and he was determined not to let it slip through his fingers.

The door to Adrian's apartment was opened by a man who exuded an effortless charm and confidence that instantly made Dan feel self-conscious about his rumpled appearance. "Welcome, Dan. I'm Adrian," the man said, his warm smile putting Dan at ease.

"Dan, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting," Adrian added, his voice smooth as silk. "I've had to handle everything myself since my assistant left. Come in, come in." Dan followed Adrian into the elegant apartment that doubled as the coach's practice. The pristine white walls and tasteful artwork spoke of refinement and success, and Dan couldn't help but feel like a bull in a china shop as he hesitantly took a seat in the impeccably furnished living room. As Adrian settled into a chair opposite him, a friendly smile on his lips, Dan couldn't help but feel a surge of discomfort. The man exuded a polished charisma that made Dan acutely aware of his own scruffy appearance and lack of confidence.

Adrian leaned forward, his piercing gaze fixed on Dan. "So, tell me about your previous job. What went wrong there?" Dan shifted nervously in his seat, his eyes flicking to the intricate pattern of the rug beneath his feet, expecting a lecture or, worse, pity. "You see," he began, "my work's always been top-notch, but my bosses just never seemed to appreciate it." To his surprise, Adrian listened intently, nodding sympathetically. "Dan, it's clear that you're a top-tier employee. It's just that your potential is overshadowed by something else," he remarked, eyes glinting thoughtfully. "Wait, what? You actually think I'm not the problem?" Dan's eyes widened, disbelief coloring his tone. Adrian leaned back, exuding an air of wisdom. "It's not you, Dan. It's how others perceive you. Your appearance might be sending the wrong signals," he explained, tapping a finger against his chin. Dan's heart fluttered with hope. Finally, someone understood! "So, what do I need to change?" he asked eagerly, leaning in.

A soft chiming interrupted their conversation, and Adrian's eyes flicked to his phone on the coffee table. "I'm so sorry, Dan. I need to take this." He rose from his seat, all charm and confidence as he answered the call. Alone in the luxurious apartment, Dan couldn't help but marvel at the stark contrast between his own life and the world Adrian inhabited. He longed to break free from the cycle of dead-end jobs and unfulfilled potential, but the gulf between where he was and where he wanted to be seemed insurmountable.

Dan sat in the elegant chair, feeling a mix of anticipation and uncertainty as Adrian circled around him, eyeing Dan’s rebellious mane with a critical gaze. Adrian leaned in closer, his fingers grazing Dan’s scalp.

"Let's start with your hair," Adrian suggested. "That long, unkempt style might be a bit off-putting." Dan ran a hand through his hair, a touch of defiance in his eyes. "I'm proud of my rebellious hair, but okay. Let's try it." Adrian's fingers moved with a strange yet gentle pressure, and suddenly Dan felt a strange sensation, like a cool breeze across his head. Sitting up straight, Dan touched his head, feeling a neatly trimmed fade-cut with shaved sides.

"How did you… What just happened?" Dan sputtered, utterly bewildered. Adrian's grin grew wider. “Just a little magic,” he said, winking at Dan. “I used to work as a magician.” Dan, dumbfounded yet impressed, let out a chuckle. "Can you make my bank account disappear too?" "I might just have a trick or two up my sleeve for that," Adrian teased, his eyes gleaming.

Adrian stepped back to fully appreciate Dan's figure. “You seem a bit skinny, Dan. It might give off the impression of being sickly. People tend to avoid sickly individuals as nature's protective mechanism. How about we work on that and give you some muscle?" Dan laughed "I've tried that before. Didn't really work out for me." "Leave it to me," Adrian declared with a wink, a mischievous glint in his eye. Without another word, Adrian's fingers traced an invisible line in the air, and suddenly, Dan's frame transformed Dan blinked in surprise as tingling sensations ran through his body, and suddenly his form seemed more defined, muscles sculpted in all the right places. "Look at you," Adrian praised, a hint of pride in his tone. "That's the spirit, Dan. A little magic goes a long way." The fabric of Dan's previously baggy clothes now clung snugly to his toned physique, accentuating his newfound athleticism.

"I feel… different," Dan stammered, sensing a surge of confidence coursing through him. "You are not alone, Dan. You just have to get help,” Adrian encouraged, his voice carrying a note of assurance. “Do you trust me?” Dan nodded eagerly, his eyes shining with a newfound trust in Adrian's unconventional methods. "Great. Now, let's address your attire. Your current style might not be doing you any favors," Adrian observed, taking in Dan's outfit. "My clothes? What’s wrong with them?" Dan asked, looking down at himself. "They're a bit too casual. Let's upgrade your look and see how it changes things," Adrian suggested, pulling out a pair of tight silk pants and a fitted silk shirt. "Uh, this is a bit much, don't you think?" Dan hesitated, eyeing the clothing warily. Adrian smiled. "Trust me, Dan. It may not seem conventional, but it has its perks. It commands attention and presence. You’ll see," he assured Dan. After changing into the new outfit, Dan felt a bit exposed. "I don't even have underwear on with this," he mentioned, adjusting the unfamiliar clothing. "It's all part of the look. Trust me," Adrian reiterated, his tone unwavering. "Alright, if you say so," Dan said, trying to get used to the unfamiliar sensation.

Before Dan could voice any further protest, Adrian had already moved onto the next phase of his master plan. "Now, Dan, let's work on your attitude," he said, his voice low and commanding. "My attitude?" Dan asked, a note of uncertainty tugging at the edge of his words. "Yes, your perspective, your demeanor," Adrian replied, his tone firm. "Sometimes, a change in posture can yield a change in perspective. Kneel before me, Dan." Hesitant but willing to play along, Dan lowered himself to the floor, gazing up at Adrian with a mix of curiosity and obedience.

"Now, isn't this a far more comfortable position?" Adrian asked, an air of authority lingering in his voice. Dan couldn't help but agree, feeling an odd sense of ease as he knelt before Adrian. "It... it is, actually." "You see, Dan," Adrian said, his eyes holding a mesmerizing intensity, "your doubts were unfounded. Trust in me, and I shall guide you to your true potential." Dan pondered Adrian's words, finding a strange sense of reassurance in them. "You're right, Adrian. I shouldn't have doubted." With each passing moment, Dan found himself falling deeper under Adrian's enigmatic spell, his very being seemingly attuned to every word and command Adrian imparted. Adrian's piercing gaze held Dan in place, the sense of power and control in his eyes making Dan shiver with a strange blend of excitement and apprehension. "Relax, Dan," Adrian purred, his voice smooth and persuasive. "You're doing so well. Trust me on this. You're on the right path now."

"Now, let's try something else," Adrian suggested, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Kneel with both feet on the floor. It'll be more relaxing for you." Dan complied, shifting his position as Adrian had instructed, feeling an odd sense of ease washing over him.

Adrian's smile widened, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "You look good down there, Dan," he praised, his voice smooth as velvet. Dan's cheeks flushed at the unexpected compliment, a warmth spreading through his body. "Now, Dan, I want you to spread your legs and pull down your pants," Adrian instructed, his tone authoritative yet strangely alluring. Dan hesitated for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features. "Uh, I'm not sure about this," Dan murmured, his hesitance evident in his voice. But before he could vocalize his doubts further, Adrian's persuasive words echoed in his ears. "You've come so far, Dan. Don't stop now. Trust me," Adrian's voice coaxed, wrapping around Dan's thoughts like a seductive melody. Dan swallowed hard, his heart racing as he complied with Adrian's request.

It was as if Dan's body was moving of its own accord, his hands gripping the waistband of his pants and obediently lowering them to reveal himself to Adrian. As Adrian took advantage of the vulnerable position, Dan's body became a whirlwind of conflicting sensations. A surge of warmth and pleasure ignited within him, and he couldn't deny the undeniable ecstasy coursing through his veins. "This is so wrong," Dan gasped, his voice strained with conflicting desires. "But it feels so right, doesn't it?" Adrian's words were like a caress, lulling Dan into a state of surrender. Dan's thoughts were a jumble of confusion and arousal, his body betraying his mind's protests. "You belong to me now, Dan," Adrian asserted, his tone laced with command. "You're mine to mold and guide." With each electrifying touch, Dan found himself slipping further into a state of blissful submission. "Yes, sir," Dan murmured, a newfound sense of purpose blooming within him. "I want this." The air crackled with tension as Dan relinquished himself to the overwhelming sensations engulfing him and made him finally cum.

"You are free now, my dear Dan," Adrian's voice caressed him like a tender embrace. "Embrace your true self." "But what about my job, my future?" Dan's voice wavered with uncertainty. "You have a new path now, one that fits you perfectly," Adrian assured, his gaze unwavering. Dan's breaths came in shallow gasps, and yet, a strange sense of liberation burgeoned within him. "You've always longed for guidance and structure, haven't you, Dan?" Adrian's words resonated within him, striking a chord deep within his being. "I never realized," Dan breathed, his eyes glistening with newfound clarity. "Now you have found your purpose," Adrian declared, his gaze piercing through Dan's uncertainties. "You will be my assistant, Dan. You will serve me and obey my every command. You will make coffee, answer the door and obey everything else I order you to do," Adrian declared, his words ringing in the air with an undeniable authority.

Dan felt a surge of determination welling up within him, an unshakeable resolve to fulfill Adrian's every wish. It was a curious sensation, one that filled him with a strange sense of fulfillment. "Yes, sir," Dan replied, his voice tinged with a fierce determination that surprised even himself. "I will serve you. I am yours to command." And as the aftershocks of pleasure subsided, Adrian's voice sliced through the lingering silence. Adrian quickly called the employment office and his voice pierced through the haze of pleasure. "I've solved the problem," he declared, an air of satisfaction in his tone. "He's so receptive now, that he unhesitatingly embraced his newfound submissive and gay identity. I've brought him on as my devoted assistant - you can remove him from your list." Dan blinked in disbelief, his mind struggling to comprehend the whirlwind of events that had just unfolded. Did he truly agree to everything? Was this newfound revelation his reality now? In the midst of his bewilderment, Dan glanced up at Adrian, who wore a knowing smirk that set his heart aflutter. In that moment, Dan realized the truth - Adrian had molded him into something new, something he never knew he desired. Adrian's smile was triumphant as he gazed down at Dan, his voice filled with authority, "Now, go make us some coffee, and remember, you live to serve me, and only me." Dan nodded, "At your command, sir. I exist to fulfill your wishes." With a snap of Adrian's fingers, Dan rose from his kneeling position and went to prepare the coffee, his mind filled with nothing but unwavering obedience.

#male tf #male transformation #personality change #straight to gay #servant #musclegrowth

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queenofcoquette · 9 months

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how to be magnetic <3 (marilyn style!)

introduction

hey loves! i’m going to share some tips on how to have a magnetic personality. i want to just preface by saying of course you don’t need to change. trust me you’re just fine the way you are, but if you do want to be magnetic in terms of being approachable to people, then here’s my advice! i’m going to go over body language and lifestyle changes :)

such a big misconception is that to act like marilyn you need to act dumb and smile which is WRONG. marilyn didn’t captivate by acting dumb- she was magnetic because she was calculating. acting like an airhead and laughing at everything won’t captivate anyone. marilyn described how she could “turn on” this version of herself- the marilyn that people saw who was magnetic and sultry and the actions were planned.

body language

have good posture. when you sit and stand, roll your shoulders back and stand tall. not only does this just look better but its good for your health. (bad posture can cause a ton of complications + pain)

uncross your arms when you stand. i always do it because it’s comfortable, but when you do it it just looks defensive, or like you don’t want to be there.

have your chin up. i noticed i look down a lot when i walk, like literally at my feet which looks pretty goofy. so remember to keep your head up- look forward, etc.

unclench your jaw. a lot of times we clench our jaw so tightly from stress and other things. when you unclench it it’ll feel better and make you look more approachable.

make eye contact. i know for a lot of people eye contact is uncomfortable, so for those people it’s important to work on that skill, because it really is important. marilyn practiced looking at someone’s eyes and then their lips and alternating that while speaking to someone.

pay attention when people talk to you. listen to other people, really care and look like you do too. ask people about themselves, smile and just be a nice person. that goes such a far way.

say the nice thoughts you have. when you think someone looks good, tell them. when you have a compliment for someone- tell them! expressing these good thoughts makes the people around us happy, and it’s important to spread good energy around.

don’t try too hard. you don’t need to try to be overly likeable. laughing at everything someone says, being a people pleaser, that’s not the best. when you’re genuine then people want to impress you more because you’re not always impressed by them.

mental

work on building your confidence. in your private time work on becoming confident, whether it’s saying positive things, journalling, something of that nature. i’ve made a post or two about confidence before, and how to become a confident person.

stay educated. read books, use a high vocabulary. things like this make a big difference in how you’re perceived, and it’s also just generally good to be a well educated person.

take care of yourself. work on being confident, work on being happy. be grateful and live for the little moments. take care of your health and your body, treat yourself kindly. :)

stay out of drama. i always listen but never involve myself in other people’s business. there’s just no reason to be messy, stay quiet and do your own thing, it’s a lot less stressful.

protect your peace. i’m always careful about the people i befriend and the people i trust. i make sure to avoid people who are overly dramatic and cause problems- i have a close cirlce of people i trust with my life, and i dont’ engage in things i know will make me upset.

if you have a problem with someone, talk to them privately. be genuine- instead of talking bad about people behind their back, always have discussions with people. this is productive to help them change and makes sure that you don’t become a gossiper.

appearance

look put together. have a good scent, keep your lips moisturized, take care of your skin and hair.

wear things that make you comfortable/that you like. when you feel good, you look better. wear clothing that makes you feel good!

but ultimately? feel comfortable as yourself. be genuine to who you are, embrace youre uniqueness and once you begin to radiate a little bit of confidence, everything will fall into line. don’t lose your individuality to please other people, or fit their image. when you’re the best version of yourself thats all that matters. :)

overall just be aware of your actions and what you’re doing. if you want to be magnetic just have good body language, be genuine and listen to other people. take care of your health, your mind and your appearance. once you’re taking care of yourself then you can spread the goodness by helping other people.

#that girl #that girl 2023 #self improvement #pink pilates princess #queenofcoquette

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dribs-and-drabbles · 6 months

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Let's talk about... Mhok's Fart Proudly t-shirt

Let's be honest here, this IS a ridiculous shirt. But it is just so Director Aof to put one of his characters in such a ridiculous shirt during a poignant scene.

This is Baseball Mom 2.0

And I say that not only because it's ridiculous but because, just like Baseball Mom, it also has a deeper meaning connected to the narrative - as is Aof's style - and it's what I adore about his work, that he puts so much attention to detail into the characters' wardrobe.

But on to the shirt.

If we can get past the loudness of the "FART PROUDLY" we can see the rest of the text reads approximately as thus:

I believe a fart is a healthy, natural thing - and is nothing to be embarrassed about. I have pledged myself to changing society's attitude towards farts by showing that I am not afraid to release my farts freely - wherever, whenever - and without shame.

And yes, it's about farts BUT the underlying messages here are the parts I have highlighted.

Throughout ep 2, Mhok tries to encourage Day to get out of his room, to "open his eyes" to things, to remind him the rest of his body still 'works' ("Your hands are available" / "You can still hear"), to try things before dismissing them. He learns that Day is scared of how he is perceived by others and tells Aon there's nothing to be embarrassed about. He asks Day why he cares what people think...all the while knowing to some capacity what it's like to to be judged on face-value. And Mhok is able to let that judgement roll off him, it seems he's able to meet his challenges without shame.

After Mhok gets fired, he uses this confidence to spend time in the market blindfolded. He's not afraid to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable in order to understand Day and what he's experiencing. He proudly endeavours to navigate through the space and to eat without his sight regardless of what others may think of him. He feels the fear, but does it anyway. He has no qualms about doing more than necessary - after all he could have just walked away and not thought about Day again. But, as the wardrobe choices tell us as well, the best never rest. And Mhok is one of the best.

Day used to be "a guy with confidence", and Mhok is trying to give that back to him. The t-shirt also asks "Can I count on you, now, to stand behind me?" which, in the context of the farting, could be 'are you willing to endure my farts?' or 'will you join me in farting freely', but with Mhok and Day it's 'are you with me? Can you be brave enough to not be embarrassed? To say fuck it and live your life regardless of others?' and/or 'will you let me help and protect you?'.

Mhok cares a lot. Not about what others think of him - he had no hesitation to get naked and let people watch when Day asked ('do this and I'll forgive you' -> 'how brave are you? how brave can you be for me?') - but about Day and the other people in his life. And Day is also starting to care - he not only left his house to see Mhok but agreed to let a relative stranger take him to a very crowded and, having been shut in his room for a year, what must have been a very scary place. Which makes Day's t-shit in this scene equally fitting. "Capacity Intensive Care".

It may be small now - their care and affection for each other - but it will soon grow, even if they don't see it yet. But they'll both be getting "more care, more often, right where [they] live".

#last twilight #last twilight series #*shakes fist at aof*#look what you've made me do!#I'm back to analysing t-shirts slogans #but I will defend them all to my last breath #yes they're ridiculous but they are also RIDICULOUSLY BRILLIANT #I can't wait for more of them #edited to change a typo

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reimeichan · 4 months

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Been doing some reflection on what it means to be me's, myselves, and I's. What it means to me to have DID, to be a system of alters, and to be an alter in that system. What a "self" is in relation to all that. And I think I have the beginnings of an answer to that.

The self is the narrative I tell myself about my life. It's about my history and experiences, and it's also about how I perceived that history and those experiences. And that history may stretch back to things I don't personally remember and will not personally remember. Family history, ancestral history, things that happened to me in the womb, and even things that happened to me that I have forgotten.... all of these things make up who I am. But it's not just that history, it's also what I take from it. The lessons I took from it, the scars it left with me, the love and joy that stay with me.

And it's because of this shared history that I have with all these other parts of me, these other "alters", that I can feel confident that we are, indeed, the same self. But I am also my own self, because the way I look at and examine this history of my life is different from how another part of me may tell the story. In that way, this self has many selves. We hold multiple perspectives of the same life and the same story.

In the past, we had a habit of thinking of each other as "alternate universe" selves. But now... I think what may be more accurate is that we are all retellings of the same story. Or even different readers of the same book.

And I think that's kind of how I want people to understand me. My history, my past, is the same and unchanged. But from moment to moment, my understanding of it may be different, and that may color which version of "me" you're talking to. No matter which version you're talking to, though, that's still me. Even if I disagree with the other me. Even if I want to deny and reject that other me. It's still me.

#did #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #osddid #by green

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velnna · 3 months

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i fucking LOVE your art so much. I've been trying to learn how to draw myself and it's been going... lets just say badly. do you perhaps have any tips for other artists, especially beginner ones?

Thank you! I've been drawing my whole life so it's hard for me to put myself in the shoes of a full beginner, BUT learning art never stops and I've got a long way to go myself so I'll just give some "tips" that have helped me evolve.

The "finished, not perfect" mantra is always a good one. I used to be a perfectionist and overthink art to the point that I was never satisfied with how it looked and sank a lot of time in. Moving past that mentality to a more "well at least it's done" one really helps, and as you add to your pile of "finished" things your confidence grows too.

Be your biggest fan is a good one, too. Draw what you like because you like it and want to consume it yourself, in a sense? I'm not saying it's not good to consider how others will perceive your work but I think (especially as a hobbyist) it's important to make sure YOU'RE the first one to look at it and go "hell yeah"

And generally speaking, from my experience: you can absolutely stay in your comfort zone for as long as you need, if that's what makes your brain click. Eventually circumstances or boredom might force you out • High resolutions are overrated - it's easy to get lost in details and miss the overall shape or composition of a drawing if your canvas is too big. I draw tiny as shit and it helps me a ton • Playing around with brushes makes a HUGE difference to me and is definitely worth the time to find one that suits your style. Using a brush that doesn't feel right kills my motivation easily, while using a brush that feels great has the opposite effect (in digital art at least) • working smarter not harder is always a good idea lol

#q&a

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grendel-menz · 2 months

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I agree with what anon said about the song and your voice! I was thinking a gravelly, higher-pitched alto… my jaw dropped when I actually heard it! Made me wonder if you like your voice? Do you feel like it matches you? I wonder if it hinders people’s perception of your gender identity or like, makes it more difficult for people to perceive you as masculine because of it?

And I agree with the other stuff too—you sound like a natural singer! I think there are definitely people who would listen to your music, me included!!

Ooo this is such an interesting question!

I think as a kid/teenager I definitely had some anxiety and dysphoria about the way I looked and sounded - I thought a lot about going on T and having surgery and all that, but both because of where and how I live and being broke nothing like that ever ended up happening. At first I was upset and bitter about it, but then I began to build up more confidence in myself as a person and more sure in my identity. Honestly, I'm like 5' and the men in my family can't grow body hair or anything so even if I had done something with my hormones or top surgery I don't think it'd have been worth it for me personally.

Then when I was 20 or so I started researching precolonial ideas around gender and presentation and how things were seen and really became content with myself - my identity became based on my philosophy and politics and the role I want to play in my communities rather than my physical presentation. I don't care if people see me as a girl or whatever else because it's not going to change whether or not I hold doors open for women, etc etc.

Also it's like! I'm so lucky to have the body I have and the life I have, and I have better things to do then nitpick my own self how other people perceive me. (Also this is just my approach to myself, not everyone will have the same journey and all that!).

Also thank you ;_;... I am not confident in my singing or song making but I wanna do everything ever so I am in the process of putting some of my music up on spotify.

#asks

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metallicaislife · 5 months

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Meet and Greet

Requested by: Anon

Word Count: 1,536

Genre: 18+ Smut minors dni

Warnings: protected sex, oral(f and m receiving), swearing

The sun beat down on me as I waited in line. As soon as I heard Metallica was coming to my city, you bet I snatched a ticket so fast, and paid extra for the meet and greet. It didn’t matter that none of my friends were interested in the band, nothing was going to stop me from coming even if it meant I was going alone.

I was surprised that I got there before the band did. I watched as their bus pulled up, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the door as it opened. The first member off of the bus was Kirk, he has been my favorite since I got into the band. He’s geeky, and proud of it, he just seems like the sweetest guy. His looks take my breath away, seeing him in person is so much better than the glimpses I've gotten on the television. His mop of curly dark hair, and deep brown eyes. Perfect.

Our eyes met as he walked past, and he smiled. Kirk fucking Hammett perceived me with his eyeballs and smiled. I could die right now and still be the happiest woman alive.

The rest of the guys walked past and waved saying hi to their fans. I was still on cloud nine just thinking about the smile from Kirk.

Not long after they got there, the line started moving and the meet and greet began. When it was my turn for the one on ones, I talked to Cliff first, he was really kind, even though I could see he would rather meet fans in the wild instead of this sort of setting, but now they were blowing up and not playing small venues, that is a bit harder, so I’m grateful they are doing this meet and greet. Lars was next, and he was super funny. He talked my ear off about how excited he was for this tour and thanked me for coming. James had to tell him to shut his trap so the line could keep going, which brought me to James, super sweet guy. Like Cliff, this wasn’t his jam, maybe if it was the fan just talking to the whole group instead of the one on one, he would flourish a little more, he was delightful to chat with though. Kirk was last in line, I could feel my heartbeat picking up, just like out in line our eyes met and he smiled at me.

“Hey, I’m Kirk.” He said, giving me a small wave. I introduced myself and mirrored his wave. He let out a soft chuckle.

“Thanks for coming out, we really appreciate our fans, we wouldn’t be where we are without you all.” He said.

“No, thank you for sharing your talent with us, my life wouldn’t be the same without your insane guitar riffs.” I complimented him. His grin widened.

“You’re too kind, and cute too. I don’t know if my heart can handle such compliments from a woman like you.” He winked. I could feel my cheeks heating up. “I don’t do this often, and believe me that isn’t a line, but here,” He said and reached in his back pocket and sneakily handed me a pass. “Our time is short here, but meet me backstage after the show.” He finished. In utter shock, I pocketed the pass and nodded.

“Will do, Mr. Hammett.” I said, starting to feel more confident. Kirk smirked at me and we parted ways.

Okay, keep it together. Yes, I just had my main character moment but I had to keep my head on planet earth. After the show could go many ways, but the most likely scenario had me clenching my thighs at the thought.

Preoccupied with my thoughts, time passed fast, before I knew it, the show started. I was at the barricade on Kirk’s side. I know I already said it, but the tv screen does not do that man justice. He was so sexy on stage, lost in his playing. He kept looking my way and would smirk as I screamed along to the music.

Needless to say the show was abso-fucking-lutely phenominal and I knew right then and there any time they come to play I would be purchasing a ticket.

When the show finished, I confidently made my way backstage. Well, I was confident until I passed security and had no earthly idea where to go. I must have looked like a lost puppy as I stood awkwardly unsure if I should just start knocking on doors, because no way in hell would I give up whatever opportunity I was given by Kirk.

“Hey, you’re the girl from the meet and greet.” A voice called out. I turned around and was met with Cliff, who had a smirk gracing his lips.

“Uh, yeah, I am.” I replied.

“Loverboy’s dressing room is that one over there.” He said and pointed to the only door off to the side.

“Thank you, Cliff.” I said, he nodded and moseyed off to his own dressing room.

I made my way to Kirk’s dressing room and knocked. He poked his head out soon after, and smiled when he saw me.

“Come on in.” He said opening the door wider. My eyes widened slightly seeing he was sweaty and shirtless already. I entered and he shut the door behind me.

“You played really well tonight.” I told him.

“Again, the prettiest woman with the compliments, I don’t know if my heart can handle it.” He said, placing his hand over his heart. I giggled. “Can I get you some water or beer?” He asked.

“I’m fine, thanks.” I said. I wrung my hands together, the confidence leaving my body unsure of where this encounter would take us. I mean, I know what I wanted, but if I read the situation wrong I would absolutely die of embarrassment. Kirk noticed my hands and reached out stilling them.

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just thought you were gorgeous, and had good vibes.” He said reassuringly.

“Oh I definitely want to, unless you don’t want to, I just wanted to make sure I read the situation right.” I said. Kirk chuckled.

“I definitely want to.” He replied.

“So it would be okay if I kissed you?” I asked softly.

“More than okay.” He whispered back.

I closed my eyes, our lips met softly as we wrapped our arms around one another. The kiss grew heated as he backed me into the couch and helped me lay down. He kissed my neck and left a mark. All reservations were gone as my hands wandered his body. He undressed me. My back arched as he I found his tongue to be just as skilled as his fingers.

“Oh my god, Kirk…” I moaned out. I gripped his hair tightly and he hummed against my pussy. He used two fingers to bring me over the edge. My voice already hoarse from the concert. As I came down from my orgasm I noticed his boxers were removed. He stood next to my head and I positioned myself so I could take his dick in my mouth. I darted my tongue out liking the tip before letting him slide into my mouth. I hollowed out my cheeks as he began thrusting softly. Tears entered my eyes as he repeatedly hit the back of my throat. He picked up the pace and had his hand in my hair as he helped me meet his thrusts. I could feel him getting closer to his high. He stopped and pulled out of my mouth, he found a condom and rolled it on before climbing back on top of me. His lips found mine in a deep kiss as he sunk into me. His pace was relentless. He broke the kiss as my head fell back, I let out a hoarse scream. He bit my neck softly as his hand found my clit. He rubbed me as he continued rutting into me. I came a second time, the pleasure hazing my vision. Kirk came soon after and buried his forehead on my shoulder.

“Fuck that was so good.” Kirk muttered.

After we cooled down, He helped me clean up and we got dressed.

“I probably ought to head out.” I said after gathering my things.

“I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I don’t do this often, I know I’m in the middle of tour, but I want to see you again.” Kirk smiled at me.

“I would like that too.” I smiled back.

Kirk and I exchanged numbers and he walked me out to my car that was in the nearly empty lot. Kirk kissed me, and waved goodbye as I drove off.

Not only did I get to meet my favorite band, see them perform and have mind blowing sex with my celebrity crush… He wanted to see me again. Even if we don’t, I won’t kid myself, we live very different lives- I’ll be content knowing for one night I took the breath away from the man who has consistently stolen my breath since I saw his first interview.

Thank you for reading! :)

-Isa

#metallica x reader #metallica #metallica imagines #metallica scenarios #metallica smut #kirk hammett x reader #kirk hammett #kirk hammett smut

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genderkoolaid · 10 months

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I have seen some intersex people, such as on the recent post you reblogged, say they are uncomfortable with the term salmacian (not necessarily the transition, but how the word is derived). I myself am intersex and don't really have any thoughts besides "do what makes you happy" I'm curious how you navigate this! Sorry if this is assuming you are perisex but if you are, I think you are a good ally. But this sort of transition is controversial to some intersex people (not that it should be).

Okay wait- I looked in the notes of that post and the person talking about salmacian as a term is just. spreading misinformation?

"Salmacian" has nothing to do with salamanders being hermaphroditic animals. The term Salmacian comes from the Spring of Salmacis, which comes from the nymph Salmacis who fell in love with the god Hermaphroditus and wanted to be joined physically with him forever. The Spring of Salmacis, in mythology, was said to have the ability to feminize men & masculinize women who bathed in it. You can read more about the history of the term here, which also mentions that the [modern, queer use of the] term was coined by an intersex queer person (formerly Raphael Carter, now Cameron Reed).

I don't doubt that there are salmacians who act in intersexist ways. But this is just... misinformation, and its equally confusing that they say using salmacian is a "roundabout way of saying they ID as intersex"? And given that, I don't know if by "fetishization" they are including "salmacian people liking our own bodies/our ideal bodies & talking about that." Again, I'm not saying fetishization of being intersex doesn't happen, or that salmacian people are never intersexist (I haven't personally seen it so far, but I am sure there have been salmacian people who make intersexist comments about intersex people's bodies, or hypothetical bodies). But like. It does not inspire me with confidence that they are either wildly misinformed or lying about the term salmacian.

To kind of answer your question, I think that going forward there's an unavoidable need to have discussions between intersex people & salmacians (one which especially supports intersex salmacians), and I think its right perisex people who are salmacian to feel some kind of obligation to educate themselves on intersex issues and be vocally & actively against intersexism as much as they can. But I also think there's unavoidable exorsexism around how salmacians are perceived that also needs to be considered in these discussions, and how a lot of times when people talk about salmacians they end up re-using transphobic rhetoric (i.e "you just want to change your body to fit your sick fetish!") & there's also going to be areas where our oppressions overlap & its important that we have solidarity with one another on that. The internet is unfortunately a generally not great place for tough discussions.

#m.#ask box

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defectivehero · 2 months

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warnings: child abuse, neglect, murder

"You seem jumpy today, detective," the villain whispers from just over their shoulder. The detective flinches and stiffens all at once, questioning how they didn't notice their enemy lurking in their office. Just how long have they been standing there? They don't realize the villain is waiting for an answer until they're coughing pointedly.

"Me, jumpy?" The detective asks wryly. They're not sure they manifest enough confidence to convince the villain—they're not even convincing themselves. "No." They turn their attention back to the newspapers in front of them, scanning for a name.

"Hm," the villain hums. Their hand is burning through the fabric of the detective's shirt, straight into their shoulder until their skin fuses together. The detective is trying their best not to pay their adversary any attention, yet even they can tell that there is an entirely different sentiment in the air today, in the interaction that has barely begun. "You think I haven't noticed?"

"You're going to have to be more specific," the detective spits out, their eyebrows furrowed. They return their attention to the newspaper, flipping a page with a shaking hand. They feel their shoulders shrinking as the villain casts a menacing shadow on the wall across from them.

For a moment, there is only silence as their enemy looks over their shoulder. For a moment, the detective is deluded enough to think that, perhaps, the villain's curiosity has been sated. But of course, their curiosity hasn't been fed. And of course, the villain's patience is a fickle thing.

Suddenly, the villain is reaching out and slamming a hand on top of the newspaper, snatching it from their desk and crumpling it into a wad, before shoving it in their pocket. The detective doesn't even bother to let out a protest, knowing it will fall on uncaring ears.

They decide to stare at the wall in front of them. Eye contact feels daunting right now. Unfortunately, their adversary doesn't share the same sentiment, as their chair is roughly spun around until the detective is forced to look up at the villain.

This conversation—if one could even call it that—is utterly confounding. The detective isn't sure if they should even bother to pretend like they know what's going on.

Their bewilderment only increases upon hearing the villain's next remark. "You've been avoiding me," they hum, a soft yet dangerous whisper in the still air.

"I've done nothing of the sort," the detective frowns, crossing a leg over their knee. They don't need to see the skeptical expression on the villain's face to know what they're thinking.

"Haven't you?" The villain murmurs. This is a new side to their enemy, a side the detective has not seen before. The villain has always seemed to find comfort in the shadows, in the smaller gestures. Now, their posture, their body language, is infuriatingly silent. The detective can hardly perceive the person in front of them. "Lingering on cases that went cold years ago, rereading files..." They break off, their gaze falling to the newspapers littering the surface of their desk. "You've practically gone full radio silence."

At that, the detective frowns. "I don't recall having an obligation to tell you everything," is the unfortunate phrase that rips its way from their lips. They almost flinch instinctually, waiting for a blow that doesn't come. Instead, the villain just breathes out a laugh.

"Of course not," their enemy acquiesces, with a flippant gesture. Their gaze has not moved in minutes. The detective is immensely uncomfortable, being so intensely scrutinized. They're supposed to be the one doing the scrutinizing, the one taking in information and drawing conclusions from it. "And yet, I find myself wondering. You seem to be... hiding from something."

The detective is rattled, they'll admit it. They never thought their behavior was so so mind-numbingly predictable, so easily deduced. They suppose they tend to fall into a world of their own creation when they dive into cold cases, neglecting even the most basic of rituals and activities. The detective is a frequent visitor of the shadows, soaking them in and absorbing their camouflage when necessary.

The villain is studying their every reaction. The detective is trying to keep the expression on their face as blank as possible, and they're sure it's not nearly convincing enough to fool anyone—let alone the villain.

"Or, perhaps, you're hiding from someone?" The villain asks, raising an eyebrow at them. And something in the detective snaps. All of the fear, rage, guilt, and helplessness brewing inside them just... slips out. They feel as if they're spilling their guts all over the ground, leaving puddles of bloody gore oozing out of their form as the purpose behind their actions is slowly teased out.

"Okay, that's enough," the detective hisses, pushing the villain away and getting up from their chair. They don't know where they're going—they just know they need to get away from here. It's getting too close for comfort now. Before long, they are going to cross a line they can't come back from. "I've entertained this silly farce for long enough, if you'll excuse me-"

Quick as a flash, the villain brandishes their knife. The metal gleams tauntingly, hovering a breath away from the detective's throat. The detective freezes in place. There's a wicked grin on their adversary's face. The detective's stomach turns in unease.

"Tell me what changed," the villain demands. There have been few times when they have appeared truly dangerous in the detective's eyes—now is one of those times. "Now."

"Fine," the detective says. "You really want to know? Fine. Let go of me." Something in their tone is commanding enough to convince the villain to release their grip and let their arm fall to their side, as if they'd been burned. The detective turns their back on their enemy, despite knowing full well the villain could sink that knife into their back right now. Then again, the villain is seeking answers. They're not going to kill them before they get those answers.

After a moment of rifling through their rather disorganized filing system—they really need to dedicate some time to sorting that out—they find what they're looking for.

"Years ago, when I was at the precinct," the detective starts, "I was asked to help out with a case. Child neglect, abuse; two siblings living in inhuman conditions. I was young, then. It turned my stomach."

It still does, the detective pointedly does not say. "The children escaped, made their way to the precinct. A few agents were sent to investigate the home they had been trapped in, only to find the dead body of their parent, horribly mutilated beyond recognition.

"The children were called in for questioning: they had an age gap of a few years. The younger sibling was clearly terrified. The older one seemed a bit more aware of their surroundings, but still wary. There was dried blood buried under the older one's fingernails and caked in the younger one's hair.

"After a rather lengthy interrogation, the children—well, young adults, I suppose—were determined to be innocent. What was left of their parent was cremated. The murderer was never found. The case file collected dust at the precinct.

"Years later, when I transferred to my own private agency, I took the file with me. That was very illegal, of course—had my coworkers caught me, I would've been in prison. But something didn't feel right.

"For a while, the file collected dust as it sat hidden in my desk. I resolved never to think about that case again—after all, it was my first. Arguably, my first failure.

"And then you showed up. Suddenly, those two siblings were following me into my dreams. I couldn't stop thinking about them, about the remnants of the house they were found in, about the trail that had gone cold and then simply... vanished.

"A few nights ago, I couldn't sleep. I found myself sitting at this desk in the bleak hours of the morning, tripping over the words the older sibling had uttered all those years ago. For some reason, I was getting a sense of déjà vu."

"Get on with it," the villain seethes, seemingly tired of waiting.

"Very well," the detective sighs. They suppose they were fortunate to get as much time speaking as they did. They hold the newspaper clipping up to their enemy, pointing at the picture buried in the corner. "This is you, isn't it? The older sibling?"

The villain takes a step closer, squints at the photo. It's small, after all. The detective watches as their eyes flit across the page, reading the headline: Child Abuser, Found Dead in Remnants of Home. The detective's heart is thundering in their chest. They wait for an answer.

"So it is," the villain hums disinterestedly. The detective feels their breath stall. The clock on the wall ticks mockingly, a haunting rhythm. The detective can't get rid of the inexplicable conviction that they've just made a horrible misstep. "And what are you going to do now?"

"What?" The detective chokes out. The voice that leaves their lips sounds foreign.

"What are you going to do?" The villain repeats slowly. They hand the newspaper clipping back. The detective tries to take it, but they miscalculate and it falls to the floor. Neither of the two notice or bother to bend down and pick it up. "Now that you've figured me out?"

The detective feels dread prickling along their skin. The villain continues. "The truth has been revealed. The mystery you were so desperate to solve.

"You wanted to understand me... And now, you have."

No. No. That can't be true. Surely, that can't be true. The detective watches helplessly as the villain regards them for a moment, before turning on their heel.

"I have nothing more to say to you," the villain says. The detective can't see them, but they know there is an utter lack of expression on the villain's face. And there is no emotion in their adversary's voice.

The detective watches silently as the villain walks away. The door to their office falls shut with a soft click. The detective stares at it in complete disbelief. They have never felt more lost and uncertain in their entire life. Yet, one thing is clear: they will never see the villain again.

________

whew I went for the jugular in this one, huh...

and I really gave the detective a shuichi backstory, too... sigh....

I had originally written this to fit into the existing detective/villain pairing I have going (@red-is-the-reputation4444 this is loosely inspired by your ask with that detective quote)... but this snippet quickly spiraled out of my control. I figured I could keep things ambiguous and let the reader decide if this is a continuation of the existing pairing, or the creation of a new one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"they will never see the villain again" mhmmmm sure, sure.... definitely....

anyway. thanks for reading! <3

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