Unwanted: Chapter 30, Epilogue - Pt. 2
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mild sexy stuff (Just some very light hand business. Very light.)
Word Count: 1.1k
Previously On...: You moved out of the Tower :(
A/N: This is it! The last part! You guys. I can't even. It's been a magical journey, and I'm so honored that I got to take it with all of you. I'm scheduling this post on Thursday in my office, and I'm fucking crying, because you've made this more than anything I could have ever hoped for. I love each and every one of you, so fucking much. Thank you for coming on this adventure with me. Thank you for loving Pocket. Thank you for sticking with Bucky and not throwing knives at him and his stupidity. Just, fucking THANK YOU. You are all amazing, beautiful people, and I could not have done this without you. Thirty Chapters, One Hundred Fifty Five Thousand, Four Hundred and Fourteen Words, and more to come. Bucky and Pocket's journey is not over! POOKIE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.
NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
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Not even twenty minutes later– it was actually almost pathetic how close your new place was to the Tower, really– you were opening up the door of your brand new penthouse apartment. It was more extravagant than any other place you’d ever laid your head, and when Tony’s realtor had first shown it to you, you’d balked at the opulence of it. But Tony reminded you that you’d been shot, after all, and had almost died once, then actually died, all in the span of a few days, and after that, on top of everything else you had already endured in your life, wasn’t it time you treated yourself to something good? Besides, it wasn’t like you couldn’t afford it. So, here you were.
“Honey, I’m home,” you called out softly to the enormous, empty space. It would still be some time before the movers finished loading up and delivering everything from the Tower, and then you were going to have a lot of furniture shopping to do. Toeing off your shoes, you padded your way across the apartment to the terrace. Opening the glass doors, you stepped outside. You walked to the edge and rested your elbows against the railing. Taking a deep breath, you admired the view of the city before you, the Tower just a block away. Looking across, you could easily make out Tony and Pepper’s apartment. Waving at breakfast, indeed.
You felt a pair of strong arms slink around your midsection, tugging you into a broad, warm chest. “Thought I heard you come in,” Bucky said, nuzzling his head into the crook of your shoulder.
“Hey, baby,” you smiled, reaching back to caress his face with your hand. You turned in his arms so you were facing him. “I missed you.”
Bucky laughed as he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. “I only left the Tower two hours ago,” he said. “But I missed you, too.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him, pouring every ounce of love and affection you felt for him into the motion. “I can’t believe we finally did it,” you grinned.
“Took us long enough,” he mused back, but then turned thoughtful. “Probably would have happened a lot sooner if I hadn’t–”
You brought a finger to his lips, silencing him. “Stop. We agreed not to talk about that, remember? Dr. Whitmore said we can’t move forward if we keep hashing out the past, and I just want to move forward, with you.”
“Sorry,” he murmured, but you just smiled and kissed him again.
After you’d been released from the hospital, you and Bucky had had a long, emotional discussion about the future of your relationship. The only way you’d ever stand a real chance, you’d both decided, was if you committed to couples’ counseling and complete and total honesty. Bucky knew he didn’t deserve yet another chance from you, and you probably wouldn’t have given him one if you hadn’t loved him so fucking much. But you’d actually died, and you couldn’t stand the idea of wasting any more time without him. Now, after nearly a year of doing the work, both on your relationship and yourselves, you felt your connection was stronger than ever. And besides, when it really mattered, Bucky had proven, in the most definitive way, that he would pick you over Jade Carthage.
“So…,” you said once the kiss had been broken and you began playing with the hem of his shirt.
“So, what?” he asked. You raised an eyebrow at him suggestively. His eyes widened as he caught your meaning. “What? Here? Right now?!”
You tilted your head and looked up at him with the most innocent expression you could muster, given how completely un-innocent your current thoughts were. “Yeah, right here, right now. Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough, baby?” You trailed a hand down the center of his chest and his breath hitched. “Almost a full year, spent using my fingers, pretending they were you, never feeling full enough? Never getting off as good as I got off with you? It’s been so long since I felt you inside of me, Buck. So long, it fucking hurts.”
When you had decided to give your relationship a real reset, one of the rules you had established, with the advice of Dr. Whitmore, was no sex. You needed to establish emotional intimacy and boundaries once again, without the complications a sexual relationship would bring. She had even suggested you both try to date other people, to ensure that this was the relationship you both truly wanted, but neither one of you could bring yourselves to do it. And now, here you were, almost a full year since the last time you’d been together, and you were desperate.
Bucky groaned at your words and you knew he was this close to giving in to you.
“Come on, baby,” you purred, reaching down and slowly unbuckling his belt. “Don’t you want me? Don’t you want to be inside of me?” You slowly began nibbling at his jaw, tasting the salty sweetness of his skin and letting it flood your senses.
“Always want you, Pocket,” he growled, tightening his grip on your waist and pulling you flush against his hips. You let out a low moan when you felt the evidence of his arousal press into your stomach through his jeans.
“Then have me, Barnes,” you whispered, carding your hands through his hair. “Have me on this balcony, have me on every fucking surface of this apartment, as many times as you want.”
Any remaining sense of resolve Bucky may have possessed snapped, and he was on you, sucking on the skin of your neck as he rutted his hips against you, and it felt so. fucking. good. to feel him like that again. His hand dipped into the waistband of your pants, where he found you wet and eager for him.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he growled into your skin as his fingers slipped through your slick folds to toy with your clit. “All this for me?”
You groaned as you felt one finger gently breach your entrance. “Only you, love,” you moaned. “Only ever you.”
You both froze when you heard the sound of the elevator ding, and Bucky quickly withdrew his hand, popping his finger into his mouth to suck away the evidence of his actions.
Grunting in frustration, you looked around him to see the elevator doors open and the movers begin to unload dollies of boxes from the Tower into your new apartment.
“Fuck,” you whispered. “So much for reunion sex. I swear, I’ve got blue balls, Barnes”
Bucky grinned at you, leaning down to give you a quick kiss before redoing his belt and heading over to help the movers. “This’ll only take a little while, doll,” he winked at you. “We’ve got the rest of our lives together to make up for lost time.”
<- Previous Part / The End
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More parts of An unexpected role! Lily meeting the grid and all drivers are wrapped around her finger, spoiling her and everything, plus lewis Hamilton being protective about y/ n and lily treating them as his honorary daughter and granddaughter, and lily having a little baby crush/ being fond of Oscar Piastri or Ollie bearman and not wanting to leave his side.Then the other leclerc brothers (Arthur and Lorenzo) and drivers are jealous because lily doesn't give them attention.
Thank you very much for this request!! It seemed very adorable and cute to me since I had imagined what Lily would be like attending to her first race... so here you go!!
An unexpected role (pt.5) | cl16
Summary: you revealed your little secret to your date, you didn't expect he would take it so well.
Warning: none, just fluff + the drivers falling for Lily and spoiling her A LOT.
a/n: part five of “an unexpected role” I hope you like it!
follow the series!! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
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ynusername
liked by joris_trouche, itslolasss, pierregasly and others.
tagged charles_leclerc
ynusername guess where we are going this weekend 🫣🎀
see 1.738.653 comments
itslolasss nO EAY
ynusername hehe yup bestie 😋
itslolasss pls keep me updated this weekend babe, I need all the details
ynusername yup yup captain 🫡
user7 IT'S HAPPENING EVERYONE, THE LEC FAM ON THE PADDOCK THIS WEEKEND 😭😭😭😭
user4 OMG OMG OMG OMG EVERYBODY CALM DOWN, THIS IS HAPPENING
liked by creator
logansargeant finally we will meet the popular Lilyyy
arthur_leclerc finallyyy
georgerussell63 the official mascot <3
lilymhe I'm happy to meet you both 💗💗💗
ynusername omg omg im waiting 🩷🩷
carlossainz55 lord perceval biggest fans
ynusername that's for sure
charles_leclerc I'm excited to have you both this weekend, my loves 🤍🤍🤍
ynusername and we are happy to accompany you my love 🤍🤍🤍
Charles iMessage
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You never thought you were going to end up in an F1 paddock with your boyfriend and your little Lily... But there you were both, accompanying Charles at the Belgian Grand Prix, -the last stop before the much anticipated summer break, It was the first time that you and Lily were going to witness the F1 action live, of course, you watch it on television in the comfort of your bed and support Charles at all times, but there is nothing compared to seeing it up close.
You and Lily walk through the paddock while Charles has his hand on your lower back, the three of you have a very noticeable smile on their faces and no wonder, he is over the moon that you and Lily are accompanying him this weekend, it's like having extra motivation to do well in front of the two of you.
“Are you excited Lilytunes?” Charles softly asks Lily, who is wearing a Ferrari shirt that says on the back: "Daddy's #1 fan", she nods at his words. She smiles with her eyes wide open, observing everything around her and he gives her a kiss on the cheek, you also do the same, it is much more impressive to see it in person than on television, the amount of people working to keep this show going is incredible. “And what about you love? Are you excited too?” He turns his head towards you to give you a small peck on the lips, you nod smiling.
“Pretty excited honey... I still can't believe that Lily and I are here!” You say with a dreamy face and he smiles showing his dimples. You don't care that there are 20 cameras around you trying to get a good angle of the wholesome family moment, you only care about him and Lily. “This is so amazing here!” You say excitedly as he lets out a small giggle.
The three of you walk towards the general hospitality, basically the joint place where the drivers and their families can relax and have a good time, to keep the harmonious atmosphere outside the track. You and Charles sit next to Lily on one of the comfortable sofas of the lounge area, just at that moment, most of the drivers get into a hurry... Maybe they are excited to meet the ferrari's golden boy little daughter.
You grab Lily in your arms and you bounce her softly. “Look Lily! I think you have a fan club now, isn't that cool?” You say as you stroke her hair and she smiles. “And of course, we're going to see dada race here!” You say, nuzzling your nose against hers.
Lily claps her hands excitedly. “Dada fast win! Vroom!” she giggled.
Many of the drivers come to see this weekend's star, and it is no wonder since Lily radiates charisma and tenderness in her wake. One of the first to speak was Hamilton.
“Hey there Charles, how's everything going?” He says greeting Charles with a pat on the back and then turns his attention to the two of you, giving you a kind smile. “And who's this little cutie? Is it perhaps the popular Lily and y/n?”
You blink for a moment. “Popular? How is that possibl...” You were going to continue talking but Lewis subtly interrupted you.
He nodded. “That's right! Charles won't stop talking about you two, he gets very excited when he talks about you, I swear his eyes had a special shine.” He finishes and you turn your gaze to see Charles, who is scratching the back of his neck embarrassingly and has red cheeks that match his Ferrari shirt.
Lily watches Lewis curiously. “Hi!” she says shyly as she hides in your chest.
Lewis smiles at Lily. “Hello Lily, it's so nice to meet you! Your daddy tells me you're his biggest fan!”
She smiles at the mention of Charles. “Dada fast!”
Lewis giggle and pulls out a little Mercedes cap for Lily. ”That's right! And you know what fast cars and daddy's need? Fast fans! Here you go.”
Lily's eyes light up, and she takes the cap with a giggle.
“Thank you Lewis, that's so sweet!” you smile shyly at the British.
“Don't worry y/n! I'll always look after my honorary daughter and granddaughter here.” he said with a smile.
Charles rolls his eyes playfully with a smile. “Thanks Lewis, you're spoiling Lily already.” he smiles softly.
The rest of the Thursday afternoon is a whirlwind of introductions, after the respective press duties, other drivers stop by, charmed by Lily's infectious smile, she gets a mini Red Bull helmet from Max Verstappen, a Ferrari cap signed by Carlos Sainz, a Williams blue hoodie from Logan Sargeant and a tiny McLaren t-shirt from Lando Norris. Lily becomes the star of the General Hospitality area, the drivers take turns stopping by to say hello, giving her gifts like miniature helmets and team t-shirts. Arthur and Lorenzo try to get in on the action, but Lily mostly ignores them, captivated by the older Ollie Bearman.
You giggle. “I think your plan to make it only have Ferrari merch is going very wrong amour.” You say while looking at Charles, who is watching Lily coexist with the other drivers.
He smiles. “Well, I can't blame them... Our little girl is a sweetheart, don't you think?”
You nod happily. “Of course she is, darling.”
***
Friday arrives and that's when the action really begins, all the drivers and teams prepare for the first practice sessions of the weekend, Lily is very happy and so are you, you two find yourself in the Ferrari garage using the headphones to listen to Charles's radio.
“My dear, look, it's dada! He's driving really fast, don't you think?” You whisper to Lily and she smiles and giggles as she sees Charles on the screens.
“Dada fast mama!” She says and you nod smiling. At one point she sees that on the other side of the garage is Ollie Bearman, Ferrari's reserve driver, she almost screams when she sees him and starts to smile a lot. “Ollie! Ollie!” She says between babbling, trying to get the attention of the young British man and he smiles when he hears her and approaches you both.
“But it's the little Leclerc! How are you cutie?” He says, greeting Lily sweetly, she gives him a thumbs up and he laughs. “Hi y/n, it's nice to finally meet you.” He said, extending his hand and you accepted it smiling.
You smile shyly. “The pleasure is mine” Lily starts to move in your arms and makes grabby hands towards Ollie, you let out a chuckle. “Looks like you have a little fan here, Mr. Bear.” You say and he smiles, Lily throws herself into his arms and starts pointing around.
“Are you sure it doesn't bother you?” He asks timidly and you deny.
“Slides! Slides!” Lily says pointing towards the exit. “Ollie, slides!” she says taking the collar of Ollie's shirt in her small hands.
“It's okay Lily, we'll go to the slide.” Ollie says with a shy smile as he takes off his and Lily's headphones. “I will bring her to you safe and sound.” He says and you smile and give Lily a kiss on the forehead.
You watch as Lily leaves in the British man's arms, what you didn't notice was the presence of Arthur and Lorenzo, probably looking at you in a state of shock.
“How does Lily prefer to be with bearman than with me?” he scoffs.
You smile innocently. “Let's say Lily has a little crush on Ollie.”
Lorenzo moves his head, denying several times. “Nah, nah, nah, she is too young to fall in love.”
You were so focused talking to the Leclerc brothers when you three didn't notice that practice had already ended and that now you had the presence of Charles, who made himself known by giving you a kiss on your cheek.
“What's happening gorgeous?” he asks you softly.
Arthur pulls his hair, frustrated. “Lily went with Ollie to the slides!” He says totally stressed while you and Charles just giggle. “She doesn't want to be with us anymore.”
“Oh god, Are you two seriously stressed about that?” He asked and Arthur and Lorenzo nodded, he laughs.
“I think Lily has a little crush on Ollie.” You whisper to Charles.
He grins. “I wouldn't be surprised, he's good with kids.”
After that meeting you accompany Charles to Ferrari's Hospitality, and after he changes his clothes, they go out in search of Lily. You manage to find her in a playground area for the little ones, she is smiling as she slides down the slide and Ollie watches her carefully.
Lily manages to spot you two and runs off the slide and then ends up in Charles's arms. “Dada!” she says happily.
Charles opens his arms to welcome Lily. “Hello there petit papillon! Did you see dada on the track?” He says while tickling her tummy. (little butterfly)
She nods and giggles. “Dada supa fast!” she says content.
“Oh but of course I was honey, pretty fast, don't you think?” he asks her and she nods.
“So fast!” she giggles again.
At this point almost everyone in the paddock adores and loves Lily, so much so that they spoil her with gifts and sweets, and she clearly loves that. You feel happy because you feel that it is where you two should always have been from the beginning, and the fact that Charles has talked non-stop about you two from the very beginning makes it so special, since you can see the love you radiate as a family.
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ynusername posted a story
itslolasss have fun today pretty girls, good luck to charlie from me 🩷🩷
ynusername Believe me, Lily has the most fun, everyone spoils her so much... I think I had to bring an extra suitcase for all the souvenirs.
itslolasss hahahah, she deserves it, you both deserve it actually!!
The weekend unfolds in a whirlwind of activity, Lily becomes a permanent fixture at Ollie Bearman's side, much to the amusement (and slight jealousy) of the other drivers. Arthur and Lorenzo try in vain to win her attention, showering her with toys and sweets. But Lily's heart belongs to Ollie and the shiny Ferrari little car he gave her.
Now it is Sunday, the most anticipated day, you and Lily meet again in the Ferrari garage, you both watch Charles prepare to leave for the starting grid, but not before approaching you.
You smile softly at him. “Hey bébé, are you okay?” you asked him softly. (baby)
He shrugs. “I think so... I want to do well for both of you.” He says and you give him a kiss on the tip of his nose. “To be honest with you, I'm a little bit nervous.” he whispers.
You just smile at him again, you more than anyone know how anxious he sometimes gets before the races. “You will do great my darling, but one thing is for sure... Lily and I will always be proud of you no matter what happens.” You whisper to him and give him a small but necessary hug. “Now go out there and attack them all, okay?”
Lily smiles at him and hug him too. “Papa win?” she asked him.
He smiles. “We will see it my love, we'll see.”
The atmosphere is electric as the grid forms up. Lily sits on your lap, bouncing with anticipation while you both look at the screens where they show the formation of the starting grid. You feel nervous inside, something that always happens to you when you watch the races at home with Lily, but this time it is much worse, you feel anxious and expectant of what could happen and what Charles can do on track.
The race starts, and Charles battles his way through the field, since he started from P5, Lily cheers him on with every overtake and you do the same, you two are probably the most enthusiastic fans in the Ferrari garage, Andrea, Charles's personal trainer, smiles when he sees you two so happy and bubbly with every action Charles does on the track, he knows how important it is to Charles that you two be there for him.
You smile at Lily as you watch Charles move into P2 mid-race. “Oh god, look at papa go lily, he's really going for that win.” you whisper at her.
Now it's the last lap and Charles is neck and neck with Max for the race win, Lily is on the edge of her seat.
“Come on, Charles... You can do this.” you say while holding your breath.
Charles makes a daring move and takes the lead. Lily erupts in cheers. “Dada win! Dada win!”
Charles crosses the finish line first and the crowd goes wild. Lily jumps up and down, clapping her hands. You have a smile from ear to ear and no wonder, the first race you attend as a family and he decides to win for you.
The mechanics congratulate you two and seeing that everyone is going to the podium, Lily also wants to go, you are a little hesitant to really go there until Andrea takes you and Lily to the podium.
When they arrive at the parc fermé area, they see everyone in a state of ecstasy and happiness. Charles gets out of the car raising his arms in celebration and goes out to hug his team. You smile when you see him so happy and proud of himself... When he takes off his helmet and balaclava, he looks at you two and smiles from ear to ear, he runs towards you to give you both a huge hug and he kiss you on the lips, not caring who is looking at that wholesome moment, you feel him smiling in the kiss and you smile too.
***
After the podium, you and Lily wait for the champion in his driver's room. Both of you can't stop feeling excited and happy about what you've just experienced. After a couple of minutes, Charles enters holding his winner trophy, you and Lily rush to congratulate him.
“Papa win!” she smiles as he hugs her back.
He hugs Lily tightly. “That's right, sweetheart! Papa won for his two biggest fans!” He winks at you.
You smile and kiss his cheek. “We're so proud of you baby! You did a great job out there!”
“A job that would be impossible without my greatest supporters.” He smiles again, like a little boy.
“I know sweetheart.” You say and notice how Lily starts to yawn against his shoulder. ”Looks like all the excitement is catching up with our little champion... Time to head back, I think.” You let out a giggle.
He giggles too. “Right, just let me take a shower, change and we'll go, it's that okay?” he asks and you smiled and nod.
“As you say captain Lec!” you say and he laughs, you take Lily back into your arms and she lays her head on your shoulder.
***
The door clicks shut behind you as you enter your hotel room. Charles carefully lays a sleeping Lily on the bed.
You carefully undress Lily to put her in a onesie pajama. “She must be exhausted. What a whirlwind of a weekend!”
“She's out like a light. All that cheering must have tired her out.” he giggles softly.
You finish putting her pajamas on and you pull the covers gently over her small frame. “But of course, she was very happy to see you in your element, love.” you smile again.
“The best kind of whirlwind, you know? Seeing her so happy... it makes everything worth it.” He walks over to you and wraps his arms around you.
You lean your head on his chest. “Seeing you win was so so special too. You were pretty amazing out there.”
He kisses your hair. “I couldn't do it without you two there.”
A comfortable silence settles between you for a moment. You listen to the soft sounds of Lily's breathing.
“I still can't believe how much attention she got from all the drivers. Lewis practically adopted us!” you say.
He chuckles. “He does have a soft spot for kids. And let's face it, Lily's pretty irresistible.” He says.
“Especially to Ollie. That boy is a natural with her.”
He raise an eyebrow playfully. “Don't worry, are you jealous love?”
You punch him lightly on the arm. “Maybe just a little... Don't you want her to be a daddy's girl?”
He nuzzles his nose against yours. “Of course I do babe. But seeing her happy makes me happy, no matter who she's playing with.”
You look out the window at the city lights twinkling below. A comfortable silence settles again.
“This has been the perfect weekend. Maybe we can bring her to another race, you know, after the summer break, what do you think?” you ask him softly.
He kisses your forehead. “I'd love that chérie. We can make it a family tradition.” he sighs contently and then he whispers. “Thank you for everything. This weekend wouldn't have been the same without you two.”
You place a kiss on his jaw. “It was nothing, thanks to you for letting us fully enter your world, love.” you whisper and he smiles.
He pulls you closer, and you lean into his embrace. The sound of Lily's gentle breaths fills the room, a peaceful melody after a whole weekend of a high-octane excitement... The hotel room, bathed in the warm glow of the bedside lamp, feels like a haven, a family haven. You close your eyes, picturing future races with you and Lily cheering her Papa on, a happy sigh escaping your lips.
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charles_leclerc
liked by antoinetruchet, oscarpiastri, susie_wolff and others.
tagged ynusername
charles_leclerc first P1 of the year!! 🏆 I can't stop thanking the team for the hard work that has been done in the last few months, it has been quite hard but it was all worth it 💪🏻 I also want to thank my biggest fans ynusername and little miss Lily, who accompanied me on their first gp weekend!! 💗💗 Thank you very much my loves, thank you for always supporting me and being there for me at all times 🤍 Thank you for making this weekend even more special for me, love you lots!! 💗💗 Now is the time to recharge and come back better than ever 💪🏻💪🏻 see you in zandvoort!! 🇳🇱
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user4 oh my, the kiss and hug on the podium was incredible to see, congratulations champ!!! 💪🏻🏆
georgerussell63 it was nice to finally meet Lily this weekend, the official f1 mascot 🫶🏻🫶🏻
landonorris she owned the paddock the weekend, she left me without candies :(
charles_leclerc stop‼️talking‼️about‼️my‼️ daughter‼️ please‼️
lorenzotl let's go little brooo!!
user1 the official f1 family 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
alex_albon little Lily was the star of this weekend <3
ynusername oh babeee 🥺🥺😭 don't thank us, we are more than happy to accompany you and support you every weekend if necessary! We love you so much champ!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
charles_leclerc honey, I love you both so so much, thank you for coming with me, I really can't find how to thank you 🥹🥹💗
ynusername you don't have to do it, it's not necessary my love 💗💗 now let's focus on taking that well-deserved break, because I think we deserve it ☺️☺️
charles_leclerc I'm looking towards it amour 🥰🥰
user6 oh my heart... the last picture, Lily looks so adorable and cute with her Olaf backpack 🥺😭
logansargeant the most wholesome family on the grid 🤍 congrats dude!!
lewishamilton it was lovely to meet Lily and ynusername this weekend 🤍🤍 you have a beautiful family mate
charles_leclerc thank you lew 🤍
ynusername it was also lovely to meet you too Lewis <3 <3
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Back to Me
Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader
Word count- 5k
Includes- Angst, Fluff
Based on the song Back to Me by the Rose
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
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Masterlists- check out for more fics
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Seonghwa POV
Sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, I wait for her to come home
This is the only way I can see her, the only way I know to get her to talk to me
To get her back
Called me all day
But I never pick up
Instead of pulling my weight
Always pushing my luck
Our relationship was volatile near the end
It didn't start out that way
Meeting in high school, high school sweethearts
Falling completely in love
I finally had someone who loved me, who cared, who'd do anything for me
My childhood and teenage years were awful
My parents were complete assholes and abusive
But when I met her.....it's like everything fell into place
Everything was worth living for again
As long as she smiled at me, I was happy
As long as she kissed me, I was loved
As long as she held me, I was safe
As long as she loved me, I was worth it
Then we graduated
She went to college to become a teacher
I didn't go to college and started my string of dead end jobs
But we were still happy
We moved in together and everything was amazing
Until I started drinking
And kept on drinking
And I started treating her like crap
I'm a mean drunk and I fought with her all the time over nothing
Screaming matches, I'd make her cry then I'd leave, disappearing for days
She'd call me all day and I wouldn't pick up the phone
The times I did pick up was to yell at her to leave me alone
I'd flirt with other girls
I never cheated on her, I would never and even when I did flirt it was just to get drinks at the bar because I was always broke
Spending our money on alcohol
Money we needed for rent and bills
Money that she was making for us
You gave me all that I could take
Yeah, I took it all for granted
And through it all, she loved me
Accepted my apologies when I used to give them in the beginning
I'd cry, beg her to forgive me and she always did
After awhile I knew my sorries meant nothing because I kept doing the same things, so I stopped apologizing
Act like nothing happened whenever I came back home or woke up the next day
And she never said a word, never demanded an apology, just told me she loves me over and over
Offer her help which I accepted when I was sober and ignored when I was drunk
I took her for granted
I took her love for granted
I thought she'd always be there
And now she's not
I remember thinking
I don't need you
But then time passed by
And it's so untrue
Now I'm the rain over your parade
Reason you're over me
When we had fights and I was so incensed, I used to think I didn't need her
And when she broke up with me three months ago, I yelled in her face that I don't need her
After the break up I kept thinking, convincing myself, I didn't need her
I was better off without her
I didn't need her nagging
Didn't need her help she offered with my drinking problem
I didn't need her smile, didn't need her holding me
I didn't need her love
I was fine
But in the back of my head I knew it wasn't true
And as time passes I'm not denying that it's untrue anymore
I can't stop thinking about her
I miss her so much it physically hurts
It's killing me to not wake up to her every morning, to not have her in my arms, to not have her to come home too
I'm dying without her
I love her more than anything in this world
But she's over me
And it hurts so fucking much, I can't breathe
The worst part
It's all my fault
Calling all day
Tryna make things right
Since you told me hit the road
I've been running on empty
If anything I know
It's how to ruin a happy ending
Ever since Wooyoung sent me that fucking picture, I've been calling her all day for the last two days
And jokes on me because now she's not picking up the phone
And I'm feeling the way she felt when I wouldn't pick up
Panicky
Upset
Desperate to hear her voice
Worried
I've been falling apart since she threw me out of her apartment but I hid it, pushed it away
I was angry she left me and I blamed everything on her
I held on to the anger for a few weeks until the pain of not being with her was too much and I couldn't hide it anymore
We were on our way to a happy ending until I fucked it up
I just had to start drinking and ruin everything
She always said I was the one she wanted forever, the one she'd marry, have a family with and I wanted that desperately too
But I ruined it all
I remember when you still needed me
Don't know how I let it go so easily
But I always keep making the same mistakes
Maybe I never deserved you anyways
I never deserved her
I knew that from the moment she said yes to me
I was always made to believe I was worthless, a loser, going nowhere in life by my parents and my family
Until her
But I always knew I didn't deserve her
I was always grateful for her love
Happy she loved me, she wanted me
Even after everything started falling apart, she stayed, continued to love me
I didn't deserve that
Not when I fought with her constantly, when I left her alone when she needed me
When I made her cry
I couldn't stand to see her cry, knowing she was crying because of me and I had to leave
I should of stayed there with her, held her, apologized, comforted her
But I ran away
She needed me and I left her
She always said she needed me but she really didn't
I needed her but she didn't need me
She said she needed me to hold her at night, she needed to cuddle me when we watched TV, she needed me with her, near her, she needed my love
I wasn't sure about that then or even now but I do know that the times she did truly need me, when she was crying, when I left her alone for days, I wasn't there
I ignored her
I failed her
I can make you mad
I can make you scream
I can make you cry
I can make you leave
I can make you hate me
For everything
I can make a world out of broken dreams
I can make you say things you don't mean
I can unmake all we were made to be
But I can't make you come back to me
I know whenever we fought it drove her crazy
I'd say stupid shit, making her angry, making her say things I knew she didn't mean
Like I'm a jerk, an asshole, a stupid idiot, a drunk
Made her threaten to leave me
Make her scream at me
She'd never wanted to fight, always tried to diffuse the situation but I kept going, pushing her buttons until she lost it
I made her leave the fight a few times
Making it too much for her to deal with that she just walked away
Lock herself in the bedroom or go stay at her friend's house
I made her cry way too many times
I always said I'd never make her cry when we first got together
But I failed miserably at that
The last fight we had, the one that finally broke her was bad
I was drunk at some bar, flirting with some girl to get her to pay for my drinks
One of my friends called her to come and get me
I remember the hurt on her face when she saw me laughing with the other girl
Smiling, flirting, the girl touching my bicep I was flexing for her
Even though I was drunk, I saw how unhappy she was, how sad and I hated myself
She came over to me and told me she came to bring me home
I fought with her, because of course I did
I told her to go the fuck away, leave me alone
She wouldn't leave, begging me to come home with her
"Please Hwannie. Come home"
She tugged on my arm and I was so out of it, I let her drag me out of the bar
When the cool air hit me once we were out in the street, it woke me up a bit and I realized she was taking me home
Walking me to her car
And I snapped
"Get the fuck off me!", I shouted, pulling my arm out of her grip
"Hwa, stop baby. You need to come home and sleep this off"
"I don't want to go anywhere with you!", I shouted, ashamed of how I was acting and that just pissed me off more
"Seonghwa!"
"You go home. I don't want to fucking go there. I hate being there"
"I'm there baby", she whispered
"I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be around you! All you do is fight with me and it's annoying! You're fucking annoying!"
I remember her starting to cry and it infuriated me
I was angry with myself and took it out on her
I was screaming at her to shut the fuck up in the middle of the sidewalk, to get the fuck away from me, that I wanted her gone
"Seonghwa, I love you-"
"I don't care!", I screamed, "I don't want you! I can't stand you!"
She cried harder, "I...I can't do this anymore Seonghwa. I love you so much but I can't take this anymore. You've been gone for five days and I just want you home with me"
"I don't want to go home! I want to go back inside, I want to drink and flirt with girls who'll buy me what I want!"
She shook her head, "Seonghwa, if you....if you don't come home with me that's it. It's over. You and me....it's over. I love you but I can't drive myself crazy worrying about you, fighting with you. You need help and I want to help you"
"I don't want your help!", I shouted, "I don't fucking need you!"
I remember the tears rolling down her face as she said, "If you don't come home with me right now, then don't come back"
"Fine", I snapped, then turned around and walked right back to the bar, her sobs making me angry at the moment but remembering it now, those sobs break me
I went back to the bar and drank until I blacked out
I woke up on Hongjoong's couch
I found out later that she texted Hongjoong to watch me and bring me to his house
He told me what happened the night before, that her and I were over
I didn't believe him, taking for granted that she wouldn't really leave me
I drank the next night and the next, staying away from the apartment
I only realized everything was real, she really left me, was when I woke up in Hongjoong's apartment three days later and all my stuff was in his living room in boxes
I asked him what the fuck was going on and he reminded me that we broke up
He relayed the fight again, relayed how I made the decision by walking away from her and how she was following through with that decision
He told me she packed all my stuff and asked him to come get it
And I knew in that moment that I took everything too far
I unmade everything we were and everything we were supposed to be
That was the day my world ended, the day I pushed it all away until slowly, bit by bit I'm here now, utterly broken and desperate to talk to her
I could do all the wrong things but I can't make her come back to me
The only thing I can do is try
Which is why I'm here, waiting for her to come home
To convince her to come back to me
--------------------------------
I wait hours until I hear footsteps coming down the hall
She's looking at her phone as she walks towards her apartment
I take the few seconds before she sees me to take her in
Beautiful like always but her whole aura is....sad?
She looks skinnier than the last time I saw her, darker bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted
She looks how I look and feel
Miserable
Her head lifts, her gaze landing on me
Her eyes narrow and harden, a pissed off look forming on her face
"What do you want?", she snaps as I stand up
I know she's mad and I deserve every ounce of her anger
"I...I want to talk to you"
"I have nothing to say. Go away"
She breaks eye contact, moving to the door
I stand aside so she can unlock it
"Please? Just for ten minutes?"
"Seonghwa-"
"Please?", I beg, my voice shaky
I don't know how else to get her back if she won't speak to me
She glares, "You have ten minutes. Then you fucking leave"
I nod, hoping that she'll take me back and I'll never have to leave again
She turns her back to me, walking in her apartment and I follow like a lost puppy
Because truthfully, I'm completely lost without her
"What do you want?", she snaps, throwing her bag and her jacket on the couch, then facing me, her arms crossed over her chest
"I'm sorry", I blurt
"No you're not", she snarls
"Yes I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I shouldn't have fought with you. I should of went home with you that night"
"But you didn't. You wanted to drink and flirt with other girls. You got your wish. You can go and flirt with anyone you want. So why don't you go do that and leave me alone"
"Because I want you", I whisper, ashamed at the things I said to her
I know it hurt her so much
It would hurt me if she said she wanted to flirt with other guys
"No you don't. You walked away from me remember?", she snaps, "Oh wait, you probably don't because you were piss faced drunk"
"I'm sorry", I repeat, desperate for her to see how fucking sorry I really am, "I...I want to come back. I want you"
She snorts, "Now you want me? Now you wanna be here? Where were you when I needed you?"
I don't answer, ashamed
I wasn't with her, where I was supposed to be
"No answer? Well I'll answer for you. You were at the bar getting shit faced. You were flirting with other girls to get drinks. You were gone for days, never answering your phone. When all I wanted was you, you were doing who the fuck knows"
I wasn't here with her but I wasn't doing anything significant when I was gone
Mostly sleeping off my hangover in one of my friend's apartments
Then I'd go out at night again to get drunk again and it would all happen all over again
"I don't even know if you ever cheated on me"
"I didn't", I answer immediately, "I never did"
"How do you know? You were always too far gone to remember what you did"
I shake my head, adamant about this
I know I never cheated on her
I never would
Even when I was drunk, one of the guys was always there
To watch me but really they didn't have to
They told me I never tried anything with any girl, except to flirt to get drinks
And anytime a girl came on to me, I told them no
So even piss faced drunk I didn't cheat on her
"I know. The guys know. They were there. They saw me refuse every girl that came on to me when I was drunk. And I never tried to get with any girl. I only flirted to get my drinks paid for. You can ask them"
They even told me I was the most well behaved drunk they've known, in that aspect anyway
"Whatever", she snaps, "It doesn't change the fact that you would rather get drunk than be home with me"
"That's not true!", I answer, upset she thinks that, "It's just, when I get alcohol in me that's all I wanted but when I was sober all I wanted was to be with you. And that's all I want, is to be with you again. All I want is you"
She just shakes her head, looking away, "Why are you here Seonghwa? It's been three months and I haven't heard from you since the day we broke up. There's more you're not telling me. What happened? Why are you here now? Why not a month ago? Why not a week after we broke up? Why now?"
"Because", I exclaim, my heart hurting just thinking about it, "You went out with someone else! And the thought of another man touching you...I can't handle it"
She stares at me like I've lost my mind
I feel like I lost my mind
"What the hell are you talking about? I haven't gone out with anyone"
Is she really gonna lie to me?
To my face?
"Yes you did Joanne. Wooyoung saw you out with some guy at a diner", I tell her, pulling my phone out and opening it to the picture
The picture Wooyoung took of her and the guy and sent to me, effectively breaking my heart
I can't even look at it without tearing up
Holding it up, I show it to her, a look of anger and disbelief on her face
"Wooyoung took the picture and sent it to me"
"Oh my god, he's such a creep!", she yells, her eyes moving from the picture to me, "And you're a fucking idiot!"
Well, I don't know what I expected but this reaction was not it
"That guy is a friend and coworker! He's married!", she shouts, "His wife was coming back from a business trip and he had some time to kill before going to meet her at the airport. He said he was going to get something to eat and invited me along"
Ok it's not a date but that guy could still want her
Being married never stopped anyone from cheating
And it doesn't mean she doesn't like him that way either
"And you went", I accuse
"Yes I went!", she snaps, "I went because I couldn't stand being back in this apartment alone for another entire night!"
Her eyes fill with tears and I hate that I'm making her cry yet again
"This entire apartment is filled with you! With memories of you!", she sobs, glaring at me angrily, "I can't handle it. Everything I look at reminds me of you! I can't sit on the couch because all I think about is you sitting there playing a stupid video game or us cuddling while we watched tv"
I swallow hard at the emotion in her voice
I didn't know she thought about us
The last time I saw her...it seemed like she had given up on us
"I can't sleep on your side of the bed or hell even in the middle because all I remember is you holding me all night. The kitchen reminds me of us cooking together. The shower reminds me of you washing my hair and us having soap fights. Every room is filled with you!"
"Jo-", I start, not sure what I want to say but I just want to make her feel better
I was wrong about everything
Again
I thought she was over me
I didn't know she's just as bad as I am
"And you're a fucking idiot if you think I could just go out with someone else after three months of not being with you!", she yells, "That's something you would do, not me!"
"I wouldn't-"
"Shut up!", she cries, "If you don't think that this entire break up hasn't completely devastated me, that I'm not utterly lost without you, then you're a fucking moron! I miss you all the time. You're all I think about. Wondering if you found a new girl to be with and forgot all about me"
"I didn't", I shake my head, "I didn't jagi"
"Three months is not enough time to get over someone I love more than anything in this world", she whispers, "It's not enough time to get over the love of my life, if that's even possible"
Hearing her call me the love of her life keeps the hope I have alive
The hope that she might forgive me and take me back
"You're the love of my life Jo", I tell her
She snorts through tears, "Fuck off Seonghwa"
"No! I won't fuck off ", I say loudly, "You had your turn to speak, now it's mine!"
"There's nothing to say Seonghwa. You've more than proven that I'm nothing you want. You screamed in my face that you don't want me and don't need me. Remember?"
"I was stupid!", I yell, "I was. I did everything wrong but I won't let you think I don't love you. Of course I need you. I love you"
She looks away and I can tell she doesn't know if she should believe me
"Jo, I've never loved anything in my life until you", I confess, "I love you with everything in me baby. I'm going insane without you"
I move closer to her, taking her hand and breathing in relief when she doesn't pull away
"You're all I think about", I tell her, "I miss you so much Jo, it fucking hurts. I'm just as lost without you jagi. Everyday, I wake up in dread because you're not next to me and I remember that I can't see you. I can't just pick up the phone and call you, I can't spend the day with you and it's soul crushing"
I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes from how heartbroken I am without her
"When I saw the picture Wooyoung sent me, I felt like I was dying jagi", I confess, the tears falling down my face, "I...I realized that I really lost you and the thought of you with another guy...fuck it killed me. And it made me realize that I have to change my life to be the man you deserve"
She shakes her head, "You can't change for me Seonghwa. You have to change for you. You'll just end up resenting me if you change for me"
"I am changing for me and for you jagi. I..I need help to do it but I'm going to"
"What are you talking about?", she asks quietly
I take a breath to tell her everything I've started changing once Wooyoung sent me that picture
"I stopped drinking jagi. I got into an AA group and I went to the first meeting yesterday"
I know my drinking was a huge problem
I'd become belligerent, say hurtful things to her, make her cry
I never want to do that again
"Wow, that's...that's really good Seonghwa. That'll help you so much. I'm...I'm happy for you", she says, genuine shock and relief in her face
I nod, glad I can actually show her I'm changing
"I also found a therapist to go to. Psychologist. To talk about the shit I've had to go through when I was young. To get to the bottom of the drinking problem and get better"
Her eyes widen as she takes in my words
"I...uh...I also got a job", I tell her, "A real job with Hongjoong. He's ..he's going to teach me to be a mechanic"
That's something I was always interested in but with my drinking there was no way I could concentrate on trade school and no one would let me work on cars anyway
"Hongjoong hired you?"
"Yeah", I nod, "One uh, one of the conditions to keep working with him is that I stay sober, go to AA meetings and keep seeing the psychologist"
"That's good Seonghwa. He's a good friend to help you like this"
He is
I don't know where I'd be without him
But there is someone else I need
"I need you baby", I whisper
Her eyes break away from mine, darting to the floor, her face unsure
"I don't....know Seonghwa. I miss you and I love you more than anything...but I can't...I can't go through everything again. I can't handle the fights, the way it seems like you hate me when you get angry-"
"I don't hate you. I never hated you baby. I love you more than anything", I tell her, "It'll be hard jagi, I...I may fuck up a bit but I will never let it get like it used to be. I won't be drinking baby so that will cut out a lot of our problems"
"But you might get....irritable because you can't drink"
I nod, knowing that's true
It's what the AA meeting leader said could happen
"Yeah baby, that's when... I...I'll need your help too...if you can"
"You want my help?", she asks quietly
I know it's shocking
I never wanted her help before but now I can't think of anyone better to help me then her
"Yeah baby", I answer, "I..I know they'll be setbacks and it'll be difficult but there's no one I'd rather have by my side than you"
She bites her lip hesitantly
"I can do it easier with you jagi. Please baby, give me one more chance? Come back to me?"
I hold my breath, waiting for her answer
Hoping, praying that she takes me back
"This is your last chance Seonghwa", she says softly, "I understand you may fall off the wagon a few times and I'll help you if that happens but if it gets to be like before....with you out all night, getting drunk every night, flirting, never coming home, fighting with me then it's over for good. Nothing you say will make me take you back"
"I understand jagi", I tell her, hope filling me, "I won't let it get to that, I promise"
She nods, "Ok Hwannie"
"Ok? I...I can come home? With you?", I ask, wanting confirmation
She nods, "You can come home Hwa"
Her words wash over me and I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face in her neck and sobbing in relief and utter happiness
"I love you Jo. I love you so much", I cry
Her arms move around me and I break down more, the feeling of being in her arms absolute heaven
"I love you Seonghwa. More than anything in this world baby", she sobs too, her arms so tight around me, "My Hwa"
"Only yours", I assure her, "Just yours. I love you"
"I love you"
Pulling back a little, I look down at my beautiful jagi, wiping her tears away
Leaning down, I kiss her in a loving kiss I've been waiting to feel since I lost her
And it's one of the best kisses she's ever given me
--------------------------------
"I can bring all my stuff back tomorrow, if it's ok?", I ask her as we get into bed
"Yeah baby. Do you need help packing?"
I shake my head, "I just been crashing at Hongjoong's and everything is still in the boxes you packed. I can just load them up into the car and bring them back"
After we kissed, we've just been glued to each other all night
We ordered food then watched TV, cuddling on the couch
I've never been so happy to have her in my arms, to run my fingers in her hair, to just be with her
I'm never giving that, giving her up again
I will make sure I will be the best man I can be
"You never unpacked?"
I shake my head, "No jagi...I...I guess I didn't think we were really over until I saw the picture of you with that guy"
"He's just a friend baby", she says softly, facing me in bed, running her fingers in my hair, "I swear Hwa. I only love you"
I nod
I know
After tonight, after everything she said, I know she only loves me
"And yeah, you can bring all your stuff back tomorrow baby"
I smile, so fucking happy, so grateful I'm back home, with her
She smiles softly, her thumb moving over my lips softly, "I missed your smile Hwannie. I missed you so much"
"I missed you jagi. I swear baby, I didn't know that I could feel that much pain from not being with you. I honestly don't think I can live without you"
She nods, "I know Hwa. I feel the same way baby. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Please don't hurt me again baby"
"I won't", I swear, "Never again jagi. I shouldn't have to begin with and I'm so sorry I hurt you but I swear, never again"
She nods, moving closer, her lips pressing against mine softly in a sweet kiss
My body immediately relaxes into hers, moving my arms around her, pulling her right against me, kissing her desperately
I need her, it feels like her kisses are reviving me and it's just what I need
"I love you", she murmurs after the kiss
"I love you", I tell her, "So much"
She smiles, kisses me again, then cuddles against me
I kiss the top of her head, holding her tightly so grateful she took me back
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