#I can't stress enough of much of a big deal it actually is
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On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part four)
Since this is (finally) the last part of this essay and I've already previously mentioned what it will be about, I don't have an introduction to make, but I do think I need to give a couple disclaimers before getting right into this mess. First one: I have a lot of explaining to do because this gets medical again and I can't just assume you all know exactly what I'm talking about and/or to what extent; I hope I won't overexplain or sound condescending. On this same note, I forgot to open part one by explaining that bipolar disorder is a chronic mental illness that is treatable through lifelong medication and not necessarily lifelong therapy but not curable because to me that's a given, so sorry if you didn't have much knowledge on the topic and had to read my yapping with little or even no context. Second one: I will be using some words (such as "delusional") that are to be taken literally, in the medical sense. I'm not saying this because I think you are all stupid of course, but to highlight the seriousness of what I've been talking about these past months; it seems to me that lately medical terminology regarding mental health has been watered down a lot by Internet culture to the point of it losing its meaning, with memes about being "delulu 🤪" or reducing mania to dyeing your hair by yourself at 2 AM leading people to not take these things seriously. I don't mean to be a spoilsport or anything, I like and share those memes too but I've actually been (hypo)manic and delusional in the past so I guess I have the right to joke about it at least. Maybe it's not that serious but I want it to be serious at least here, which is also why I've never referred to episodes as "mood swings". I don't do that in real life either, even when talking to people who don't know much about bipolar disorder, because I've always found the term reductive and misleading: everyone has mood swings, it came free with being a human being. In my opinion it contributes to the misunderstanding of this disorder and the people who have it; no, we are not moody by default and no, we don't change our minds every five minutes or are happy one moment and then suddenly sad the next (seriously, who came up with these stereotypes and how?), but I digress.
This said, let's get down to business. I want to start with one detail that is either one of the most absurd coincidences in the entire history of literature or proof that Dostoevsky was somewhat somehow familiar with bipolar disorder and decided to integrate some things he witnessed in Ivan's character (I guess without knowing, as at the time there was very little understanding of it to the point it wasn't really considered an illness and was referred to as circular insanity and later as manic-depression, which are both cooler names than bipolar disorder but again I digress) because I swear I can't find any other explanation for it: the timeline of The Brothers Karamazov. It might seem like a very small detail, but as soon as I figured out the timeline I thought of fucking course. Now, we all know the timeline of this novel is a little confusing at first as there are almost no indicators of how much time has passed between Alyosha running from one house to another first and shit going down second, but in the first half of the novel we know it all starts in late August and honestly I didn't make anything of it, but then the timeline becomes clearer after Dmitri's arrest and we end up in early November for the trial and I mean, nothing particularly interesting or peculiar about a book covering the events of a (little over) two-month timespan, right? Technically yes, because it's not the amount of time that has passed that matters, but the time of the year: if it all had, for example, taken place from late June to early August or from late December to early February I wouldn't even be talking about it, because there's no seasonal change taking place in those months. August to November, however, is another story. I also find it interesting that it's the change from warm to cold weather, as it's the one that's the hardest for most people (for me personally it's the opposite, the shift from Winter to Spring is a nightmare, but I'm a rare case when it comes to that); I don't really know why, but the seasonal changes are always delicate periods for people with bipolar disorder as they can trigger episodes, I guess it's pretty much the same mechanism that occurs in seasonal depression. So, let me lay the timeline out for you: the Karamazovs reunite in late August, Ivan leaves a few days after, Fyodor is murdered shortly after, so probably in early September and Dmitri is arrested the same night, then Ivan comes back five days later, the trial takes place in early November the day after Pavel hangs himself, and Dmitri is sentenced five days before the story ends with Ilyusha's funeral. This timeline detail seriously drives me insane because all the other puzzle pieces I've been putting together for a while could be related to other disorders/conditions as well, such as schizophrenia (schizoaffective bipolar disorder is a thing too but I don't have it so I can't really say anything about it) and autism (autism and bipolar disorder have a lot in common), or even to just personality, but this? It's a little too oddly specific in my opinion, but I'll just keep assuming it's a coincidence for the sake of my own mental health.
Anyway, this means the story starts when a seasonal change is approaching, which is already a delicate time on its own, and Ivan has to put himself in an unpleasant situation that has a high chance of turning into a shitshow (and it does): going somewhere he wants to leave as soon as possible to discuss things he doesn't want to discuss surrounded by people he doesn't want to deal with. That's not a good start at all and it would be enough to put me, someone who has been medicated for seven years, on edge (and it has in the past); no wonder he's pissed off all the time. And it's only the start since, as we all know, the worst is yet to come. I love that the reader only gets bits and pieces of the build-up of Ivan's episode through the other characters' points of view and I particularly love how said build-up reaches its climax; it doesn't happen when Ivan hallucinates the devil (as it's mentioned he's seen him before and has also had other similar experiences in the past, I'll get into that later), but exactly a moment before that. But first, let's focus on the main build-up moments we see bits and pieces of before that. I was impressed by how realistically the whole thing was portrayed, especially considering that at the time almost everyting about this disorder was unknown; still to this day, in 2024, many people think bipolar disorder is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation, with the person being "normal" one day and waking up "crazy" the next like some sort of magic happening overnight, but that's straight up not true, it doesn't happen. Bipolar disorder is way more rational than one would think (very fitting for Ivan, isn't it?) and at times you do have an awful amount of self-awareness but can do nothing with it, it's kind of like being stuck in the passenger seat of a car with a broken steering wheel and broken breaks that's speeding straight against a wall; you know what's happening but can do nothing but watch and hope the crash won't be that painful. And that's how I felt reading too, every time I saw those bits and pieces of Ivan's story I thought oh no it's happening. And Ivan knows it's happening too, as we see in Book Eleven.
I've focused on The brothers get acquainted, Rebellion and The Grand Inquisitor already, but I have to mention them again because as I've already explained they're such a pivotal point; before that we don't really know what Ivan's deal is, but as soon as we get acquainted (sorry, I had to) with him we start to notice that something's definitely up, and there is one seemingly small detail that I just can't get out of my head: when Ivan gets up and starts walking after his talk with his brother, Aleksej points out to himself that he's swaying a little. Considering it's implied that Ivan has a problem with alcohol (it runs in the family after all) in other occasions too, that's probably an indicator that Ivan had been drinking during his stay. Not only is there a strong link between bipolar disorder and substance abuse (how could there not be? Shit's tough and sometimes you have to self medicate, especially in the 1800s), but alcohol and drugs can trigger episodes or make them worse; Ivan is also once again dealing with everything alone and trust me, that's recipe for disaster. And of course after that the aforementioned metaphorical car does nothing but gain speed and Ivan increasingly becomes angrier, restless and frantic: he has trouble sleeping, he starts isolating himself even more, he talks faster, his thoughts start racing, his speech pattern becomes more and more incoherent and he can't stay still as he's mentioned walking back and forth for seemingly no reason in different occasions; all textbook symptoms. He visibly looks sick too and bipolar episodes are known to take a toll on your physical appearance (I looked like a walking corpse for years) as well as having physical symptoms manifest along the psychological/psychiatric ones, such as headaches caused by stress, which Ivan frequently has, because stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder (and Ivan is undeniably quite stressed). Sleep also plays a huge role when it comes to bipolar disorder as it can quite literally determine your faith: the the very first sign to watch out for if you feel something might be wrong is a change in sleeping habits; if they start changing significantly it means something's definitely up and you need to intervene as soon as possible (I have prevented episodes from either spiraling or happening at all like that but it takes years of practice). Ivan's sleep schedule, if we can even call it that, during his episode reminds me of my own during an insane (no pun intended?) mixed episode I've had and it makes sense since after every manic episode comes a "crash", and during mixed episodes you can crash back and forth for days; it happened to me. But what is a manic crash? It can be summed up with a simple phrase: what comes up must come down. It's like throwing a ball in the air, it reaches its peak up there and after that it's all downhill until it crashes down on the ground and the higher it goes, harder the crash: if you stay up all night while manic, you'll sleep all day while depressed, the more euphoric you are, the more dysphoric you'll be; so it makes sense for Ivan to sleep more and more as he "comes down". As for the fever, stress can do that. Brain fever is nothing but a 19th century literature thing because it's not a real diagnosis and at the time severe emotional and psychological upset was classified as either that or hysteria, which isn't a real diagnosis either.
Another puzzle piece that fits way too well is that little mention of him tidying his room himself despite having someone to do it for him; I know it's probably thrown in there to highlight his self-isolating independence, but cleaning and tidying are very common (to the point it's almost a cliché) activities to do when you're having a (hypo)manic or mixed episode because they help getting rid of all the extra energy and give you a sense of control over your life; for me it's almost compulsive (compulsions and obsessive thoughts are common in bipolar disorder because bipolar disorder is like three different conditions in a trenchcoat), I've found myself obsessively cleaning my bathroom every day for months and fighting the compulsion to do the dishes even when it wasn't necessary. It's mentioned that Ivan feels the increasing loss of control and is ashamed of it, which brings us to the very important topics, when it comes to him, of self-awareness and control.
I already mentioned it in part one but I want to say it again: control is crucial when it comes to bipolar disorder; something out of your control happening in your life or not having enough control over your symptoms and emotions is enough to send you down (or up) a dangerous path (sounds familiar?). It takes years of treatment to be able to deal with the unexpected and to let go of this control freak attitude, but Ivan is riding this rollercoaster with no seat belt so here we are. I think this reflects best in his attitude when visiting Pavel in the hospital after Dmitri's arrest, when Ivan says he came back from Moscow as soon as possible to fix the mess they all made in his absence. He's particularly keen on letting Pavel know he has no intention of playing games and it's clear he has a no bullshit allowed policy when it comes to his family, which checks out with what I went over in part three: Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household means quiet and order. Ivan definitely has a strong personality and to me it feels like that kind of strong personality one has to develop to stay afloat, and considering Ivan is not comfortable with showing "weakness"...well; I'll get to that later. I don't know if it's a middle child thing because I'm not a middle child but I'm the only diagnosed and medicated person in a family that feels more like an emotional minefield and let me tell you, I've been running that shit like it's the Navy for years and I'm pretty sure I'm the only case of a youngest son with eldest daughter syndrome in human history and yes, it's a bipolar thing. The need for control is so strong that it extends to your surroundings and therefore the people around you; I don't know how to explain it because it's not a manipulation thing, it's an I can't deal with my own emotions so having someone express theirs in an extreme way makes me uncomfortable and I also need a stable environment to not lose my mind so I need to de-escalate any situation that might trigger me thing; it's cleaning up after other people's mess for your own sake. And maybe a little savior complex, at least in my case. Anyway, if Ivan keeps his family stable he keeps himself stable as well, so he has to take matters into his own hands even when it's too late. Damage control is a very important skill if you have bipolar disorder.
I've already been over Ivan's visceral anger so I won't go over it again, but I want to spend a few words for that one part where he punches Pavel: been there done that, and normally I'm not even a violent person. It was a pretty similar situation too: someone had been tormenting me for months while I already wasn't doing good at all, took it too far one day and I just snapped; I didn't even mean to hit that person but it's not something you can gain control over when it gets to that point, so I get where Ivan was coming from and I'll defend him until the day I die.
Since I'm going in chronological order, as you might have already noticed, this means I've finally reached the fun part. Brace yourselves, this is going to be long. I don't have much to say about the whole devil ordeal that hasn't already been said, after all it's the most blatant manifestation of Ivan's mental health status, and I think it's more important to focus on what's around the hallucination rather than the hallucination itself. The first and most important thing I noticed is that Ivan is not scared, and it makes sense for him to not be because the narrator says that situation feels familiar to Ivan, making this the second time it's mentioned by the narrator that Ivan has a past history of both depressive and dysphoric manic (usually referred to as mixed) episodes, which alone qualifies for a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis; now that I think about it I could have just said this instead of making four posts about it, but where's the fun in that? Also I don't have enough information to armchair diagnose this 19th century fictional character with a specific type of bipolar disorder, so I laid out all the relevant information for you to interpet it however you want, if you're familiar with this stuff. I think he could be either bipolar I or bipolar II as there aren't many differences between those two types. For reference, I'm bipolar II (electric boogalo), which is usually mainly depressive and has less intense "ups" (mania when it's bipolar I and hypomania when it's bipolar II, but mania and manic are often used as umbrella terms and I've used them as such in this). Ivan's episode seems more mixed (having both manic and depressive symptoms at the same time, I should've explained it earlier, sorry) than purely manic and mixed episodes are more likely to happen in bipolar II and/or to those who start having symptoms in adolescence regardless of type and I think that checks out (go to part two for that). However, hallucinating a whole person and having conversations with them is a pretty big deal and my own hallucinations are nothing like that, usually hearing noises such as knocks on my door or seeing shadows or bugs at the corner of my eye and things looking slightly off and changing in shape and size; nothing big that I can interact with and I can easily ignore that the rare times it happens. Wikipedia says that any kind of hallucination classifies as mania, but my psychiatrists obviously know I've hallucinated in the past and still haven't changed my diagnosis so don't trust Wikipedia I guess, probably because my hypomanic episodes have never significantly impaired my ability to function (like they haven't significantly impaired Ivan's; trust me, he could be doing much worse). There is a lot of nuance that Internet articles lack in my opinion.
Anyway, let's go back to focusing on how Ivan feels: he's not scared, but he is exhausted and desperate. And it's heartbreaking. Not the hardest part of The Brothers Karamazov for me to read, not at all actually, but way too familiar. Ivan, who has a strong personality and a no bullshit allowed policy, who usually speaks in a firm voice and who refused to get help even if he knew his mental state was getting worse, breaks down (in private, of course) and begs and pleads; please leave me alone, shut up. He goes back and forth between desperation and rage (very mixed episode of him) and what struck me the most is how harsh his words are: almost every time the devil says something, Ivan replies with an insult or even more in a row. Yes, it's not that atypical of him considering how he talks and refers to Pavel or Dmitri, but it's, again, heartbreaking because he's never acted like that with them (or even with his father) and he knows the devil is actually himself. He's reserving his worst words, his worst attitude, his most burning and consuming rage and hatred, for himself. And he knows that. Worst thing of all to me is that at some point he covers his ears to not hear the devil, his own thoughts, and I've done that. Sometimes those thoughts are so loud that they seem to come from an outside source and covering your ears comes naturally. It obviously doesn't work. I have many other thoughts about Ivan's devil but they don't have much to do with bipolar disorder so maybe I'll write another post in the future if I feel like it. Also honorable mention to the thrown glass because apparently I've done something similar once even if I genuinely don't remember it at all (bipolar disorder also causes memory loss so you barely rememeber your episodes, it's kind of like trying to recall the events of a party you got drunk at, we're not getting into that though).
Maybe I see Ivan's story and character as less dark and tragic than the average reader does, because to most people constantly walking up and down restless with racing, out of control, incoherent thoughts and experiencing delusions and hallucinations is understandably a terrifying experience, but for me up until a couple years ago that was just a random Tuesday. I mean it is terrifying but you get used to it, after a while you understand the twisted logic bipolar disorder operates under and it becomes less scary (still is at times) and more annoying, you try to keep up with your meds and manage your symptoms as best as you can and just go on with your life while still trying to fight it when/if you can (it's less depressing than how I'm describing it I swear, I really don't know how to convey that feeling). I don't see myself as a walking tragedy or as doomed (anymore), mental illness is just mundane to me and so is to Ivan; I think Dostoevsky did a marvelous job at portraying just how uneventful it can feel from the inside and we see it the contrast between what's happening to Ivan and his reaction to it and also between the other characters' perception of him and his own perception of himself. There is nothing other than concern coming from his loved ones, no judgment, they acknowledge that he's unwell and they usually refer to him as such; Ivan on the other hand refuses to and therefore refuses to take care of himself or, God forbid, let others take care of him. He knew an episode was approaching, but as long as he was physically okay his mental state didn't matter to him. Ivan's biggest flaw is that he's independent and self-absorbed (for lack of a better word) in an unhealthy, negative, bipolar way and it only fuels his anger: the only valid judgment and opinion of himself is his own and he doesn't have a positive view of himself. The devil tells him the people at the trial will pity him and Ivan snaps; he doesn't want to be pitied, he doesn't want to be seen as "weak" because he has internalized refusal for "weakness" and "cowardice" (he asks himself if he's a coward in different occasions, sometimes straight up calling himself that). How could he not have internalized it? He was neglected growing up and as an adult he always seems to be held at an impossible standard due to the way his personality was forced to develop, from being expected to keep the peace between the Karamazovs to even after his father is brutally murdered; at the trial Ippolit Kirillovič says that if Ivan was so sure of his brother's innocence, why didn't go to the police after Smerdyakov's confession? To them that must mean said confession never happened and that Dmitri is the murderer, but in reality Ivan (poor thing) didn't go because he was delusional and thought the two of them were going to confess together the following day. People expect him to be able to think straight and fix his family's mess even when he can't. And still, he doesn't break down even at the trial: he's firm even in his delirium, he never falters, his voice never breaks, he's determined and strong like he's expected to be, even if the others can't see it. He does the right thing for himself, not caring about anyone else's opinion, and in a sense he's some sort of modern Cassandra, cursed to tell the truth without being believed by those who can save his family (and in some versions of Cassandra's myth she goes mad due to witnessing the fall of Troy). He never cries; there's only one mention of him crying in the whole novel and contrary to other characters crying, it's not something we are told by the narrator himself but it's thrown in a conversation between Katya and Alyosha by Katya. Ivan only cried in private, in front of the person who insisted to take care of him. This talk about his relationship with "weakness" and the (partial) act he puts up definitely makes more sense in relation to part three and I hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Speaking of the trial, I was struck by the attention brought to the Karamazovs', as a whole, ability to see and navigate through two opposite abysses. Dostoevsky, what the hell? Does it mean what I think it means? I don't know, but it sure is a familiar image to me and Dmitri does seem to walk the fine line between regular human behaviour and diagnostic criteria, but I don't have many thoughts about that, it could be anything really, mostly because none of them are actual real people. My own interpretation of those characters is more "literal" even if I know they're just tools to convey certain topics and messages and if you want to get more symbolic with them please do, I'd love to read it. Honestly I like the idea of a character with a heavily emotion-driven arc such as Ivan having a disorder that fucks with one's emotions so much; also seeing someone behaving like me being treated with tact and a particular kind of sensitivity by the other characters and the author himself is so special to me (at least considering the historical context, I mean they could've just thrown him in a madhouse and called it a day but nobody even thought about doing that) because uhm...I didn't receive such kindness growing up.
There are many characters from other books, movies, and shows that I love and relate to but have never seen as bipolar coded in any way, they were just relatable, but Ivan hits different as he's the first character I've seen that is so unapologetically bipolar. I've watched shows and movies with characters that canonically have bipolar disorder and even they can't hold a candle to him (let bipolar people or at least people who are familiar with them write bipolar characters I'm begging you). There isn't a single character from The Brothers Karamazov that I hate or even dislike (yes, not even Fyodor, he's not a good person but he's a good character) and all the brothers are special to me, but I just can't help having this soft spot for Ivan, I want to give him a hug and my meds.
I'm not really going to talk about Ivan's ending because while I do obviously have things to say, they don't belong here. I just want to say that him having an open and uncertain ending (I love open and uncertain endings) even more than the other characters do is very fitting.
And that's a wrap! Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was an interesting and maybe even educational (there's a lot of ignorance regarding bipolar disorder and I try to raise awareness every time I can) read, but most of all I hope I managed to make sense. I like this part more than part three because I wrote it after surviving the seasonal change while during part three I was in the trenches but oh well, the past is past. No notes on part one and two, those are good I guess. Also I've said variations of been there done that a ridiculous amount of times in this whole thing but my Twitter display name is Ivan Karamazov kinnie for a reason. And I won't apologize for the shitty jokes by the way.
See you soon* with other literary analysis!
*= don't rely on my words too much, it could be tomorrow like it could be in ten years
#I hope it's clear I'm not trying to downplay or dismiss bipolar disorder as not a big deal or anything#I can't stress enough of much of a big deal it actually is#it's just that after a while you have to come to terms with the fact that it's your life and it'll be like this forever#there's not much you can do about it y'know#it's hard to accept but again it's not like you have other options#anyway it's very funny how I started this thing citing the specific chapters I was referring to and gradually went more and more “fuck it”#and only mentioned in which books the things I'm talking about happen or straight up mentioned absolutely nothing just vibes#this stuff is all in the book tho I swear#the brothers karamazov#ivan karamazov#bipolar ivan karamazov agenda#thoughts#mine
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"other countries have poor people but worse, don't speak usamerican" fuck you actually. Shiver in my freezing ass cockroach infested poisoned water mold ladened lead paint flaking ass apartment with me. "At least you're not the REAL poor or getting bombed or whatever" repeat what you said back slowly and then jump into the poisioned river down my street. Starve with me. Bitch.
#Big difference between us centricism and BEING A POOR PERSON AND TALKING ABOUT IT Jesus christ#You are a tar pit.#☠️#'Solidarity but for only if you're suffering in the right country in the correct way' go to hell.#'homeless and poor people in the US benefit from imperialism' in the abstract yes but also do you FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF#Are you fucking insane#If your big ideologal stance is really 'not being bombed is a privilege and it's even MORE of one if you're in a Bad Country'#we are past the point of no return.#Also I'm gonna say it but just because the us found a way to profit off of queer people and claims they won't hate crime them#Doesn't mean it's not more or less illegal to be queer here I can't. Stress enough. If you can't rent an apartment#or hold a job because you're queer. That's just a slow winter or summer death here. You know but you refuse to actually understand.#I don't need your compassion it doesn't matter to me that much. I have real problems to deal with.#But again. You're a fucking tar pit. Hope your soul never finds rest.
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kiss it better | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x first responder!reader
when oscar crashes into the barrier at monza, he thinks he sees his guardian angel, in reality he's just got a concussion and that's a first responder, but it's the thought that counts.
f1
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f1: woah. huge shunt for oscar piastri in turn three. the australian was pulled out of the car by first responders and is getting treatment. red flag for now.
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user1: omg like my breath was completely gone, i hope oscar is okay
user2: holy shit that's the worst crash i've ever seen i'm so glad they aren't replaying it
user3: i tuned in late and i knew as soon as they didn't replay it it had to be bad
user4: thank the lord for the first responders, they were so fast i hope oscar is good
user5: i'm gonna need netflix to take the backseat on this one i can't take the dramatic editing this is already stressful enough
user6: the grosjean crash was bad enough, i can't deal with it with oscar
user7: are there any updates yet?
user8: not yet.
user9: i'm sat in the grandstand right where this was and it was literally so scary, the first responders literally had to jump on the car
user10: so so lucky that they were stationed so close to where he crashed
oscarpiastri
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oscarpiastri: first of all i'd like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes, i really appreciate it. it's actually thanks to y/n and the rest of the first responders that i'm back on my feet as fast as i am. big thank you to y/n for sacrificing her ability to shower comfortably to help me out of the car and avoid the flames, i am eternally grateful and mama piastri would like you over for dinner to thank you.
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user9: i'm so so happy he's okay, that crash was so scary
landonorris: glad to hear you're okay mate !
oscarpiastri: you can't get rid of me that easily norris
landonorris: woah, no joking about dying when you've only been discharged for 24 hours
oscarpiastri: sorry, skipped over that one in my contract
danielricciardo: make sure you always read that mclaren contract carefully
user11: thank you y/n for your service
user12: for real she put her leg on the line for oscar she needs a raise
yourusername: it was my pleasure to do my job and help you out oscar. and i'll always take up an offer for a mum's dinner
oscarpiastri: she'll be very happy to hear that
yourusername: text me the details and i'll be there
user13: it's so crazy to me how f1 drivers just get up and walk out of crashes like that
user14: no for real how is the medic more injured than him 😭
logansargent: you are so lucky there were no cameras when you were on painkillers cause you were talking some shit
oscarpiastri: please don't remind me
logansargent: just because there weren't cameras in the room doesn't mean i didn't record you, i look forward to my birthday present this year
oscarpiastri: you wouldn't
logansargent: you wanna bet?
user15: so like how bad do we think what oscar said was?
user16: and how much do we need to pay logan to release it?
mclaren
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mclaren: after her heroics in the first half of the season, y/n finally took oscar up and is a guest of mclaren this weekend. as a medic, y/n is one of the most important aspects of a race weekend, and it's an honour to host her!
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user17: did oscar write this caption? that man was BLUSHING in the fan questions video
user18: awwww mama piastri is also there this weekend and in a load of the pictures in the paddock they stuck together
oscarpiastri: so happy to see you again y/n !!
yourusername: my pleasure, oscar. racing is a lot more fun from the garage
oscarpiastri: i'll try my best not to crash this time, i know my favourite medic isn't on duty
yourusername: oh wow what a title, i'll wear it with pride
user19: they're such dorks i love them so much
landonorris: can someone get me some popcorn, i'm enjoying watching oscar squirm and blush all weekend
oscarpiastri: i am NOT !!
landonorris: don't worry i'm sure y/n finds it cute
oscarpiastri: can you please STOP !!
yourusername: not to prove lando right but it is very cute
user20: lando is taking his big brother role a bit too far
alexalbon: you were right @logansargent this is fun to watch
logansargent: oh just you wait until you find out the stuff he was saying in hospital
oscarpiastri: please stop telling people
alexalbon: from what i heard she was right there @yourusername what did he say logan is being a good friend (for now)
yourusername: considering i literally fried my leg getting him out i don't remember most of that day
alexalbon: UGH you people are no help
yourusername: ???
oscarpiastri: ???
yourusername
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yourusername: no pulling this one out of a burning wreck this weekend 👍
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user21: omg oscar's smile ??? i am faint
landonorris: do i mean nothing to you?
yourusername: i am literally oscar's guest let me rep him in peace
landonorris: booooooo if you're going to wear his number might as well ask him out while you're at it
yourusername: mind your business, i know what i'm doing
user22: Y/N?????????
oscarpiastri: i see you know my angles already, can you come every weekend?
yourusername: i'd love to but i have a lil thing called a job :(
oscarpiastri: boring, can't you be my full time personal photographer?
landonorris: and his girlfriend?
oscarpiastri: do you mind?
landonorris: what? i'm just trying to help
oscarpiastri: you are MEDDLING
yourusername: you guys done?
oscarpiastri: yes
landonorris: NO
user23: lando is a no 1 y/n x oscar shipper he's so real
user24: y/n is so much stronger than me i'd hand in my notice right this second
yourusername: believe me i would if i could
landonorris: to both options?
oscarpiastri: LANDO STOP
yourusername
liked by alexalbon, oscarpiastri and 19,056 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: happy to be your guardian angel baby x
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user29: new f1 parents just entered the chat
landonorris: i'm taking responsibility for this happening, you’re welcome
yourusername: stop right there buddy, this was all ME
oscarpiastri: nuh uh it was ME
yourusername: i asked YOU out?
oscarpiastri: technically yes, but i asked you to dinner first
yourusername: actually, if i remember correctly that was your mum
oscarpiastri: FINE you asked me out and i'm very glad you did and you ARE my guardian angel and you ARE way out of my league
landonorris: you said it i didn't
oscarpiastri: LANDO LET ME FLIRT IN PEACE YOU NUISANCE
landonorris: woah, you've changed bro
yourusername: are we finished boys?
landonorris: yes, and for real i am very happy for you guys
user30: lando saying he made this happen is the most lando thing ever
logansargent: can you tell him to stop ignoring me now?
yourusername: soz under strict rules not to fraternize with a traitor
logansargent: I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HANDLE SPICE
user31: at least logan is self-aware
oscarpiastri
liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 702,443 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: sometimes all you need to do is flip an f1 car into a barrier and burst into flames to meet the love of your life (and give her third degree burns)
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user32: OSCAR WITH A BACKWARDS CAP TEACHING HER TENNIS SOMEONE CALL 911 I AM NOT OKAY
landonorris: okay we get it now you guys are cute
yourusername: for someone who was 'the reason we got together' you've changed your tune
landonorris: yes i am glad you have each other but that doesn't change the fact that i am LONELY and don't need to see gross couple stuff
oscarpiastri: you poor baby
landonorris: NO SYMPATHY?
oscarpiastri: i'm gonna cite all of your tomfoolery in the other comment sections
landonorris: okay fair
user33: okay but can we promise to never have a crash like that again?
yourusername: agreed
aussiegrit: happy for you kid
oscarpiastri: thank you mark :)
yourusername: so this is mark... hi?
aussiegrit: don't worry i've heard nothing but wonderful things about you, i look forward to meeting you at the next race
user34: y/n already has all of the approval oh wow
yourusername: i love you dummy (never do that again or i'll never talk to you again)
oscarpiastri: you got it, wins only from now on 🫡
yourusername: ur the champion in my heart
oscarpiastri: 🧡 🧡 🧡
logansargaent
liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 304,788 others
tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri
logansargeant: public shaming is good sometimes. though now i third wheel with only a fish by my side
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user35: i am SCREAMING
yourusername: oh florida boy, your time will come (don't put that fish pic on your tinder, i know you want to)
logansargeant: girls love fish?
yourusername: trust me they don't
logansargeant: is this just because oscar is bad at fishing?
yourusername: DELETE IT FROM YOUR TINDER PROFILE NOW OR THIRD WHEEL FOREVER
user36: what is going on here?
alexalbon: god logan this is tragic, how did you expose him and end up with a fish as your date
logansargeant: but is the size of the fish not impressive?
alexalbon: no, take y/n's advice
oscarpiastri: fine, you're forgiven. only because y/n found it cute, if she found it weird it would be you found at the bottom of a lake
logansargeant: ???????????? there was a chilli oscar
oscarpiastri: stop hiding behind your american passport, i'd eat that chilli for you
logansargeant: but it all worked out?
oscarpiastri: thankfully for you
yourusername: is it bad that this is kinda sexy?
logansargeant: he threatened to murder me?
yourusername: he's so protective 🫶
oscarpiastri: hehehehe thanks babe x
logansargeant: i give up.
note: WOAH two in one night? i am on a roll. anyhow, do enjoy, i love oscar so much so glad he extended !! xx
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#oscar piastri instagram au#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader
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Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?
[large text: Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?]
(TLDR: no. literally no.)
A frequent topic that shows up around facial differences is the self-hatred, self-disgust, self-insert-negative-emotion that we must surely experience. I want to ask* writers without FDs - why? Why do you feel about us in such a way that that's the most common way of depicting us?
*- rhetorical question. I promise I know the answers, but I'm not sure if writers do.
It's frankly worrying to me. Is it really that common to assume that disabled people have this internal, never-ending hatred for themselves? The overwhelming majority of us don't. We hate inaccessibility, when people stare, or some symptoms when they get in the way, or how expensive being disabled is, but I find the concept of us being so completely disturbed by our own disabilities extremely strange. It’s “tragedy porn” intersecting “most basic ableism”.
“But trauma!”
[large text: “But trauma!”]
Trauma of what! People with facial differences don't have some sort of default trauma that we come with like it’s a factory setting. We are a group of people with tens of thousands of stories and experiences!
“Trauma of experiencing ableism/disfiguremisia” - that's better, at least this means something. If you're writing a story about this, please get a sensitivity reader with a facial difference. You can assume how we feel all you want, but in my experience these assumptions are often bizarre and unrealistic. Or just end up writing the same “disability so sad” sob story that everyone has seen a billion times. If you want to write about disfiguremisia, you need to understand the nuance and have more than just the basic level knowledge (which 99% of people don’t have either). If you can’t do that, don’t write about it. Simple as that.
“Trauma of the accident” - thankfully, the accident is an event and a facial difference is a disability. If you want to connect these two like they're one and the same, you're almost surely going to demonize disability.
People with traumatic spinal cord injuries, acquired amputees, people with TBI, people with acquired facial differences - we participate in our communities, we have hobbies, we date, we play with our dogs. Disability isn't a death sentence. Media who make it feel like it is certainly don't help people who do suddenly become disabled, don't you think?
Here's a post by @blindbeta about blind characters becoming blind through trauma that’s better made than anything I could hope to write here. I heavily recommend giving it a read.
And, I can't stress this enough - most of us didn't have “the accident”, most of us are born like this! "Traumatic scars" isn't the only facial difference that exists, far from it, it's only one of thousands. It's 99% of our representation and "representation". If you want to make a character with FD - please consider that we aren't a monolith. Just like not all physical disabilities are "wheelchair user with paralysis", not all facial differences are "traumatic scar with somehow no nerve damage".
The overrepresentation of it is incredibly telling, and sometimes - or very frequently - feels like the writer doesn’t actually even want to deal with us. They want to use our disability as a way to cheap drama, moral metaphors, tragic backstories. Not to represent us as living people who are much more similar to you than you apparently think.
Now, I do have enough awareness to know that that's a big part of the appeal. “Horrific Thing #2456 happens” and boom, instant drama! Of course, it's a reasonable response that they would hide their disability for years, avoid talking about it in any way, and magically change their personality to be mean and reclusive, or at least be constantly soooo sad about how much it sucks to be disabled, right?
Do I really need to say that having your character becoming disabled be the worst thing ever is ableism 101? We have been talking about this for so long at this point. Writing about the process of adapting to a specific disability is better left to people who have actual experience in it.
To give an example that will hopefully resonate more with Tumblr users, I will use the fact that I'm also gay. It's not perfect by any means but probably much more familiar territory.
Imagine, let's say, a character. He's gay. The story he's in is supposedly progressive, certainly not trying to be homophobic. The character has experienced an incident, maybe an act of aggression or a hate crime, that happened because he’s gay, which was traumatic. Happens IRL, sure. So of course the character starts hating being gay. He talks about how gross and disgusting it is, he never lets anyone know that he could be “one of them”, certainly not take a stance against homophobia. You can't mention him without mentioning the accident, they're seemingly fused together. No gay love, joy, even basic happiness, he would actually choose to be straight in a heartbeat if given the option to and complains that he can't. This is shown as a neutral, obvious thing that a gay man would do, no one comments on it. He stays like this the whole time, unless there’s a plot twist in the last 10 pages where the world is now magically perfect ("we fixed discrimination, yay!"). This is the only LGBT character in the story.
Keep in mind that there are people similar to this in real life, living with extreme internalized homophobia.
Is this, in your opinion, realistic and thoughtful representation? How does it feel when written by a cishet writer, versus a gay writer who is recalling his experiences? Do you think that it's reasonable for the majority of media representation to be like this, or very close to it? How would it affect younger gay people who might already be uncomfortable with being queer? Are gay men the target audience, or are they not even considered as a group of people who read books? Is this helping or damaging the general public's idea of how it is to be gay? Why or why not?
The Masterpiece
[large text: The Masterpiece]
From 13 to 19 of May, we are celebrating Face Equality week (what a coincidence!). It’s important to me in general - and I wish it was more important to abled people, but I digress - especially its theme for this year.
“My Face is a Masterpiece”
Great statement, it represents the community well, I do enjoy how bold it is. Very cool stuff, I love the work our advocates are doing!
But why do I bring this up?
Well, to very non-subtly show that we aren’t a self-hating group of people. We are a community, a community saying “our faces are beautiful, look!”, we are saying “treat us equally, and do it now!”. Our activism isn’t about self-disgust. It’s about fighting your-disgust.
Why can’t writers keep up? Why are you still stuck decades behind?
Is this the only reason I bring it up?
The Call to Celebration
[large text: The Call to Celebration]
FEI, the org behind organizing it, asks a very simple question (emphasis mine):
“Why do we so often see stories about facial difference as a ‘tragedy’, when they should be about triumph?”
“Calling all artists, allies, creatives, galleries.
You can rewrite the story to bring about #FaceEquality and celebrate the unique artistry found in every face. Your participation this #FaceEqualityWeek will help to tell the real story, that there is a masterpiece in every face.”
Here. We are calling for you to stop. Directly from the biggest international advocacy alliance group that's out there. If you create, this is for you.
The last argument to not have your character with a facial difference hate themselves? Because we don’t want this. We are tired and frustrated. For me personally, I’m also offended by this kind of assumption. We aren’t tragedies or cheap entertainment for abled people to pity or be horrified by. We are people, and if you can’t internalize that, you have no reason to write about us.
For once, celebrate us. Happy Face Equality Week!
mod Sasza
#mod sasza#face difference#ableism#disfiguremisia#face equality week#my face is a masterpiece#writing guide#writing help#writeblr#writing resources#writing advice#writing tips#writing characters#how to write#writing disabled characters#writing disability
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period sex and aftercare and /BUGGY/ are so big brained can i ask for those two plus dacryphilia with buggy and croco-baby and maybe a secret third character (your choice) if you feel up to it!!! Thank yooouuu!!! :o)
Alright, I got ONE MORE KINK ASK after this and I'll be all done with them \o/ Holy shit I can't believe how many asks I got for this (And how much fun I've had dealing with them.)
It helps a lot that I love kinks, kinky people, one piece characters, and learning/educating >.>
Alright we got Period Sex, Aftercare, Dacryphilia (the crying kink) - For Buggy and Sir Crocodile - and since you called him Croco-baby I'll add Donquixote Doflamingo to this.
I am surprised with as often as I feel like I've seen the crying kink pop up that I haven't already done it for ANY of these guy =O
And also yay \o/ AFTERCARE ASK \lol/
Go go alphabetical!
Buggy:
Period Sex - FUCK Yes - It's messy, it's red, it's kind of flashy actually, and Buggy loves it. You don't grow up on the most famous pirate ship in the world without being comfortable with all sorts of things. I feel like everyone under Roger's flag was, we'll say educated, and as such I can't see anyone from that crew being put off by menstruation.
Plus, orgasms are a cure for some, and there's one way to find out if it works for you to alleviate any cramping you may be feeling. You're going to be a complete mess by the time it's done though, Buggy's a little blood-lusty, surprisingly maybe, but he gets feral, and more so than with lipstick or makeup, he loves to "mark" you.
Aftercare - Oh god you don't even know - He is a terribly stressed clown, but I also think he's a big damned softie too. Buggy really is just as comfortable brushing your hair as he is ordering the crew around. Maybe more so, honestly. All that hair he has though, and that makeup he wears, the man's skin and hair care routines are on point as much as his eyeliner game. He will take care of you after every session, even if he subbing or bottoming some of it.
I think Buggy's desire to serve is almost as strong as Sanji's honestly. If you're an important person to him, he doesn't want to let you down, and he will devour your praises. But he's also The Captain™, and no matter what his role was, he's going to provide you proper aftercare.
Dacryphilia - No. - Sure sometimes tears happen. Sometimes you're so overwhelmed they slip out, sometimes you are chocking on the impressive package this man has. Sometimes tears happen, but Buggy doesn't like tears. He doesn't want to see you cry. If your makeup smears he wants it to be cause of sweat and pleasure and touch, not because you're crying. He's not even good at handling happy tears, let alone any other kind.
Buggy's more of let-him-do-the-crying-for-both-of-you type. He'd happily be the only one stressed to the ends of his capacity, than to have you worry. (Which probably worries you xD it's a bit of a cycle like that).
Sir Crocodile:
Period Sex - Yes - He doesn't mind the mess. The cause doesn't bother him. The only reason it doesn't rate higher is because it's hard to know if your period will heighten your pleasure or your pain - that lack of control bothers him, no matter how well or fast he can adjust accordingly.
He also doesn't see it as marking you the same way some others do. It's your blood, not his. It has a scent that isn't his or his cigars. If anything it's an annoyance because you should smell like him, and you shouldn't ever be hurt enough to smell like blood. You shouldn't be close enough to violence to even know what blood smells like, at least as far as he's concerned. But he'll soothe your cramps and discomfort in any way he can when it's that time.
Aftercare - Oh god you don't even know - As said before, Crocodile is all about control, and aftercare is required for control. You don't want to leave your little bottom/sub spiraling with all sorts of thoughts on their own. Whether we're talking toxic AU or not. Aside from the control though, he enjoys it. It's time to bond, to discuss, to connect. The more he knows about you the more control he can exert.
The more control you can hand over.
Plus, as beautiful as you are in his clutches, you're just as beautiful in his care.
Dacryphilia - FUCK Yes - Oh please cry for him. Sob in terror or pleasure or pain, he's not picky. Your face in tears is as lovely as your face contorted in pleasure. The only requirement is that those tears are his fault. No one else is allowed to make you cry.
As much as he will pull tears from you - and most sobs of pleasure as long as you're good - he'll kiss them away so sweetly. Brushing them aside so kindly, and with such praise.
Donquixote Doflamingo:
Period Sex - FUCK Yes - Not only is it a mess, it's a bloody mess. Doffy's a bit twisted and I can see him actually smearing the mess all over you while he's taking a break between railing you. He's not doing it so much to mark you, as he is to almost degrade you. He'll tell you how dirty you are, covered in blood and cum and tears - he 100% gets into degrading you during it.
Sometimes being on your period can make you more sensitive to pleasure, and sometimes it makes you more sensitive to pain - it doesn't matter as far as he's concerned. He'll get his pleasure at the least, and he'll enjoy turning you into a mess in the meantime.
Aftercare - Yes - Unless he's truly into you, don't take this as some kind of kindness. Aftercare is a good time to learn and bond, and for Doffy that generally means it's a great time to reinforce all his manipulations. It lets you think he cares (again, *maybe* he does), and pulls you closer into his grasp.
A truly skilled puppeteer doesn't necessarily hide the strings, he just makes sure you don't pay attention to them when you should be >.>
Dacryphilia - Oh god you don't even know - Cry for him, please. Crumble to pieces in pleasure, fear or pain - whatever it may be that you've earned at the point in time. If you're overwhelmed in pleasure he'll promise you such sweetness and devotion. If you're overwhelmed with fear he'll admonish you softly and forgive you magnanimously. If pain stains your face he'll have you begging for forgiveness, a forgiveness he'll bestow on you when he feels like it.
Perhaps after you've gone raw and hoarse from tears and begging.
Much like others who enjoy making their partners cry, it is a pleasure reserved entirely for him and no one else. Members of his immediate family may get an understanding pass, circumstances depending, but anyone beyond that is likely to be dealt with swiftly.
#kinky one piece head canon#buggy the clown#sir crocodile#donquixote doflamingo#x reader#buggy x reader#sir crocodile x reader#doflamingo x reader
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Realistic Simon "Ghost" Riley dating headcanons
- He is not interested in dating AT ALL
- Ghost actually is way too focused on his job, I personally like to think that a relationship is too big deal for him. He is dealing with enough stress for now
- He will repress any feelings towards you no matter what happens
- Realistically, he would never make any move towards you or would after you've known him for maybe 5 or more years
- Two things could happen then, he will eventually lose the feeling or they will grow stronger
- It makes him furious, he can't focus on anything. He wants to be back with his job but he is so distracted, he may think that it's stress or something but how can this be stress when he is thinking about you?
- He wants to hate you too but can't. His mind is flooding with somehow warm pictures of you. It disgusts him
- Tries to avoid you, but since he is in love obviously it's really hard
- So he makes small moves excusing himself "this is the last time, I wasn't looking at them, I sat next to them by accident" it irritates him as well.
- He sometimes doesn't talk, just being able to be in the same room as you makes him somehow happy
- Speaking of love, I highly doubt if he would like someone who is childish and annoying. I saw a lot of people make reader like that and I think he would just find them annoying.
- He prefers mature women that's for sure, he won't date someone who acts like a teenager
- If you won't confess first he will never do that. He can just accept but even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to tell you this
- he's a soldier, he barely knows how to act around women
- so he'll be awkward as fuck
- if you'll make a small talk he will listen but won't say anything back
- Maybe after knowing him for some years (I don't mean friendship, just like knowing him) he will say something back or even have a conversation
- It doesn't mean he doesn't care, he does but he is not able to show it
- nobody on earth could ever tell that he has a crush, the only evidence could be him looking in your direction a bit too many times
- If he accepts your feeling, your relationship with him will be the same as previously, almost non-existent sorry
- It's almost impossible to get the relationship going but he really does care for you
- He doesn't have much love in his heart, he doesn't love passionately or anything he is too hurt for that
- But this is somehow love
- it won't be easy to see that Ghost cares for you, but when something happens you're always in the back of his head and he's thinking.
- He's worried that you may get hurt.
- Always no matter what happens, it annoys him again ☠️
- He is much more tense when you aren't with him, he tries to get his mind out of it. You can take care of yourself after all right?
- Absolutely no touch, sorry again
- He likes sitting close to you thought
- Ghost, deep inside will be very grateful that you aren't pushing anything, you are both soldiers so that's understable plus you both are breaking the rules lmao
- If you think making him your boyfriend was hard, try to get him to bed
- If you will try it in the beggining of your relationship he will instantly break up with you. May take it as an attack or think that you will use him. That is the ending
- If you will wait, he probably won't think about it because he doesn't think about sex at all
- Sex topic aside now (there will be maybe separate post for that)
- It's all going really slowly, he smiles when you laugh at his jokes, he respects you for your brain and strenght, he likes having you around
- and maybe when his heart will eventually fill with love of you, he will accept your hug, again won't ask for it. He'll just wait for you to offer a hug
- Ghost is bad at all these things, he will be stiff as a wood and he'll just awkwardly put hands on your back
- I doubt if he will like that lol
- So no more hugs
- He doesn't like being touched or touching either
- He can make you coffee, help with something and this shit, this is his love language
- So yeah the relationship will be very uh
- You must be respectful and patient with him !!
-----
Just a reminder that this is just how I portray his character and I am not saying that this is 100% canon, also sorry for overusing "his, him, he" but I pay little attention to using names and it just looks like that 😭
#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost x reader#ghost x reader call of duty#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you
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Not Your Fault
Pairing: John Price x Fem!Reader
Summary: When you and your captain, John Price, share your usual drink at night, the alcohol loosens your tongue a little too much...
Cross-posted on AO3: here
Warnings: Past Sexual Abuse, Past Rape, Grooming, English isn't my first language
Word Count: 4.217
"You were how old?" Price asked slowly, each word separately stressed, believing he hadn't heared you correctly the first time.
It was one of those evenings when you would go to your Captain's office, John Price, to share a whiskey that was secretly stashed away in his desk. Sometimes it was one glass, sometimes two, but today it had been so many that it had loosened your tongue.
"Twelve."
The following silence in the room was eerie.
He had just shared the quite embarrassing story of how he had lost his virginity. It was all laughs and smiles until you had told yours in return. Suddenly John had looked at you in a mixture of shock and fury, but only the shock was directed at you.
"And how old was he?" John asked carefully, already expecting the answer to sky-rock his blood pressure.
"Fourty-one."
"And you were... twelve." He said in a long exhale.
"It's... It's not a big deal. It happened a long time ago." You said, trying to shrug it off in an nonchalant way, but the crack in your voice betrayed the true nature of your feelings.
"It is a big deal, hun, a very big deal. You were a child." His voice shook with poorly concealed rage.
The alcohol had made you lightheaded, the words flowing from your lips before you could stop them. "He told me he wanted to teach me how to be a woman. Said I would need to start early if I ever want a boyfriend."
You sat in the corner of the couch in your Captain's office, the back and arm rest on either side of you. Your head leant to the side so that it was resting on the backrest. Price was in the other corner across from you, holding his cigar in a death grip.
"Said if I ever want to please this boyfriend the right way, I needed to know beforehand... needed to know how to serve a man like any good girl should."
"What a monster..." Price growled, shaking his head in disgust, before choosing his next words carefully. "Was it... only once?"
Instead of answering, you avoided his eyes and looked down to your lap.
That was answer enough for him. "It was more than just that one time?"
"It happened a lot." You whispered barely audible.
"For how long?" Price asked slowly, still trying to remain calm for your sake.
"Two years... maybe three. I can't remember."
It took everything in him to not lose his cool right then and there. Staying seated on the couch, he scoots over to you and took your hands softly in his.
"Look at me."
You closed your eyes and shook your head defiantly.
"Please." He pressed, although his voice was quiet and soothing.
You straightened up into a sitting position and opened your teary eyes, afraid. "Please don't be angry at me." You breathed. "It was my fault. I wanted it."
Price raised his eyebrows, ready to yell at you that you were wrong — of course you were wrong — but he quickly shut his mouth close.
You were vulnerable right now, opening up to him, trusting him. He had to proceed thoughtfully, as if a frightened animal was sitting in front of him.
He didn't even want to imagine what you went through. He could imagine it for he had seen enough sick stuff in his years of doing his job, but this one? No, not when he had to imagine you in such a scenario as well.
"Do you really think that, hun? Do you actually believe that it was your fault?" Price asked.
"It was." You nodded, ashamed of yourself. "I wanted to be a grown-up. And he... he told me I was beautiful... he told me he loved me."
"He didn't love you." Price told you sternly, his grip tightening around your hands unintentionally. "He told you what you wanted to hear."
"No, no, no. He loved me. He told me many times how much he loved me. He told me how pretty my body is, how gorgeous I am, how womanly I am..." You were ranting now, not thinking clearly.
He repeated your name again and again, trying to stop you from talking, but you couldn't hear him in your frenzy. He knew he should treat you like a china doll in that moment, but he simply acted out of frustration when he grabbed you by your arms and shook you firmly.
"Open your eyes! You were twelve and he was a fourty-one year old man! He manipulated you, he raped you, he groomed you!"
"Don't yell. Please, don't yell. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" You cried out, tears breaking free and streaming down your cheeks.
You struggled out of his grip, slid down the couch and curled up to a ball on the floor.
Price regretted his words in an instant as he followed your movements with his eyes. He quickly pushed himself up, lowered himself next to you on the floor, and wrapped his big arms around you, pulling you on his lap. His hands ran through your hair in a calming manner as he slowly rocked you back and forth.
"I'm sorry, hun. I'm sorry for yelling." He hushed you, "But it wasn't your fault, okay? He made you think it was, but it wasn't."
You buried your face in his olive-green sweater and sobbed, your tears soaking the fabric.
John pulled you closer to him and kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back gently.
"It's okay, sweetheart." He sighed, "Everything is going to be fine. He will never be able to hurt you again."
You calmed down a few minutes later. You had stopped sobbing, but you stayed in Price's arms. He was still stroking your hair, humming a soothing tune.
"Do you feel better now, hun?"
Not trusting your words, you just nodded.
Price smiled at you, but his expression turned grim when a thought crossed his mind. He didn't want to ask, he really didn't, but again his experience from work had proofed him that there could be a possibility.
He had been a rookie when his former team had busted a sex trafficking ring with girls your age when you had been in that situation. He remembered how three of them had been...
"Did you..." Price really didn't know how to ask you this. "Were you..."
You avoided his eyes again.
"Were you..." He tried again, but failed.
He didn't know for sure what the truth was, but he was afraid he already knew the answer.
You knew what he was trying to ask and another wave of shame washed over you.
"The first time it happened was... was when I was thirteen."
"Thirteen..."
He really did his best not to throw up, but it still felt like a punch to the gut.
"What happened to the baby?"
"He brought me to an abortion clinic as soon as he found out."
"And no one ask you about who you are? How old you are?"
You shook your head. "No."
Then either he must have paid them well, or he found a very shady doctor who even treated children.
"Then he took me there again when I was fourteen... twice." You whispered.
Price choked on air. He looked down at you, but this time there was only rage in his eyes. "You got pregnant by this monster... three times?"
You avoided his intense gaze, biting your lip before nodding.
"Did he never use protection?"
You shook your head. "He told me how much he loved it when he could... when he could come inside me. He told me how much he loved watching it–"
"Stop." Price interrupted you, begged you. "Please stop." He tightened the embrace his arms had around you.
"I'll kill him, hun." He gritted out, his demeanour changed all of the sudden as he buried his face in your hair. "I promise I'll kill him."
At his words your body filled with warmth, relief, at the thought of him dying.
He had manipulated you and had lulled you in. He had used your childish naivety and had abused your trust. He had used you and your body in ways you couldn't even start to describe. You had tried so hard to repress the memories of his touches and his words as you grew older and more understanding of what he had actually been doing to you.
And now it all flooded back and it put you back to your 12-year-old-self.
Right now you weren't a soldier anymore, weren't a Sergeant anymore. Right now your were just the little girl again from almost two decades ago.
Although you were biting down hard on your bottom lip to stifle your sobs, you could barely hide the tremor of your body.
"Shh. I'm here, my girl."
Price continued to comfort you, rubbing your back. His voice may be soothing to you, but it was the calm before the storm. On the inside he was boiling with rage.
His voice became stern once more as he asked, "Who is he? What's his name?"
You took your time calming down, taking deep breaths, in and out.
"His name is B-Benjamin Carter." You hiccupped.
"Where is he, hun? Do you know where he is?" Price asked, his voice determined.
"He p-probably is still in m-my home town. Warrington."
You could feel him nodding in acknowledgement before he took you in his arms and lifted you up, placing you back on the couch. He walked over to his desk and pulled out a pen and paper, scribbling down what you had just told him.
He looked up and over to you. "Do you know where he lives, his address?"
"No, I'm sorry." You mumbled.
Your brain seemed to refuse to let you remember anything about the place where it all happened.
"But I know he lives across a small park called Queens Gardens." You sighed and looked at him with apologetic eyes. "I know it's not much, but..."
John just shook his head. "Don't worry. It's more than enough for me."
He gave you a small smile before he turned back to the paper and wrote Queens Gardens on it.
When he was done, he walked back to you and knelt down in front of your sitting position on the couch.
"I'm gonna take care of him, I promise you." He took both of your much smaller hands into his and pressed a feather-light kiss on your knuckles. "This isn't a mission. He isn't a target of the British Special Forces. Am I making myself clear?"
You look sheepishly at him.
"This is pretty much illegal, hun, killing a man outside of our job, killing a man for personal matters." He explained slowly like you were a child, "But I will do it anyway. For you. I wish he was a job, because I would…" Price had to take a deep breath. "I would take years to make his life a living hell. I would torture him, would break him, would make him beg me to kill him." He kissed your knuckles again. "He will never hurt anyone again."
He then pulled you into yet another hug. He tightened his arms around you, his mind racing with what he will do when he found this man.
But for now he was just holding you, protecting you.
Since Benjamin was a close family friend, your father, with whom you had long broken off, sent you a month later a message about his best friend's murder.
It wasn't typical of Warrington to have such a bloody incident, so when you looked it up on your laptop you quickly found a headline announcing:
Local citizen found dead in home with several stab wounds: police investigating.
You automatically thought about Price. He had taken a week off of work for personal reasons and had just returned today. It was already late, so he was sitting in his office now, probably letting the day end with a cigar and a whiskey.
You needed to thank him somehow.
But how? Your captain was a good-hearted, strong and caring man who had killed a man a few days ago... for you. How could you ever repay him for something like that?
Then an idea flashed into your mind. You wanted to slap yourself for being so stupid when the solution was so obvious. Of course there was something you could do.
It didn't take you even 10 minutes to ready yourself before you headed over to Price's office. You knocked dutifully on his door and soon found him working at his desk after he called you in with a "Come in!"
He looked up the second the door opened and greeted you. "Hey, hun–"
His voice failed him when he took in your appearance.
You weren't dressed in civvies like you normally were and you weren't dressed in your military attire either like he was. Instead you were standing there, in a black robe which reached to your mid-thighs, barefoot.
He wouldn't question your choice of clothes because now and then you would visit him in his office at 1 AM or 2 AM in you pyjamas, but the thin black fabric you were wearing now wasn't like you at all.
He opened his mouth to ask you what you were doing here, why you wearing that, anything, but before he could form one single word, your fingers were undoing the knot that was holding the robe close and opened it, revealing your completely bare body to his eyes.
Price's eyes widdened in shock before he averted them quickly, his neck cracking from how fast he turned his head to the side. He had tried to look away as fast as possible, but the image of your beautiful body was already burnt into his brain.
"(Y-Y/N), what are you doing?" He stuttered, his eyes fixed to the full ashtray placed at the right edge of his desk next to his half-full whiskey glass.
You approached his desk slowly, your movements making the loose fabric of the robe slide down your shoulders to the crook of your arm.
"I want to say thank you, Captain." You smiled innocently at him.
You were fully believing that this was the right way, the only way, as you were taught.
John Price was the first man you had opened up to, the first man who you trusted. Of course you trusted your other Task Force members, too, trusting them with your life on the battle field, but the trust for your Capatin was different.
Your captain had treated you like any other rookie in your first month at this base, but from there on he had started to approach you more often.
He was happy to help you when you were clueless about how to clean the different kind of weapons and guns in their own right way until you got the hang on it.
He was right behind you with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest to correct your stance or adjust your grip on your gun.
He was the first you told about your promotion to sergeant.
He was the one who brought you into his new Task Force.
He was laughing when you told him another funny story at night in his office where you shared a drink.
John Price was the man Benjamin Carter had trained you for since you were twelve years old.
"I was taught to always show gratitude."
Price's grip on the arm rests of his chair tightened, his knuckles turning white as the paper sheets sitting in front of him on his desk. "By getting naked?"
You nodded with a smile.
"Benjamin told me it's the only way to make a man happy.
You were so far lost in your head, you didn't even register his body tensing up in discomfort.
"Benjamin Carter was a monster." Price tried to be gentle, but he couldn't keep the condemnation out of his tone. "This is not how you should show gratitude, sweetheart."
You were shaking your head, the unaware and soft smile still on your lips. "I always showed how thankful I was when he did a favor for me, and now I'm going to thank you for what you did for me. It's my duty."
Only now Price seemed to realize how badly this man had damaged you mentally.
"It's not your duty." He gritted out before he took a deep breath to compose himself. "You don't have to repay something someone did for you with your body."
"But he taught me–"
"What he taught you is nothing a good person would have done. It was wrong. He was a vile and evil man who took advantage of your childlike naivety and innocence to mold you into something so horrible to satisfy his own disgusting fantasies." He said as calm and clear as he could muster.
"Do you understand me, sweetheart? Do you understand that this–" He gestured with his hand to your lack of cover. "–is wrong?"
There was a frown on your face now, seemingly aware now that he was unhappy with you.
Are you not pretty enough?
Is your belly not flat enough?
Are your breasts not big enough?
Maybe you should take off the robe completely and kneel down...
Stupid you. Of course, you could never be naked enough, never be sexy enough, never be willing enough for anything he has in mind, to repay him for what he had done for you.
"But you helped me." You whispered.
Price didn't need to look at you to hear the clear disappointment and sadness in your voice.
"Are you telling me you think you owe me? You think you owe me your body?" His tone was stern, but you didn't miss the sorrow and concern in his voice.
There was no answer and if there was he couldn't see it.
With his eyes still averted, Price got up from his seat and rounded his desk. With his eyes trained to the side, not even daring to catch a glimpse of your exposed body, he reached out to close your robe.
Misunderstanding the whole act as acceptance of your offer, you dropped down to your knees in front of him and grabbed his belt to open it.
Price, who's brain had yet to catch on what you were intending to do, grabbed your wrists and stopped you to go any further.
"Hun, no... you don't need to do this. It's okay." He said tenderly, knowing that you aren't yourself right now. "I did what I did because it was my own wish. I did it for you, yes, but I did it on my own account. So you don't owe me anything, okay? No need to return the favor."
You shook your head, his words not making any sense to you. "But I do owe you." You replied, vehemently clinging to your beliefs.
You twisted your wrists out of his grip that had starten to loosen and reached determined for his belt again.
You were stopped once more when Price's fingers locked around your wrists and pulled your hands away from his pants.
"Sweetheart, please stop it."
You looked up at him, shaking you head vigorously. "No, no. I need to."
You didn't even notice the tears that had started to run down your cheeks as you struggled against the hard and slightly painful hold he had on you.
Price lowered himself on his knees so he was on the same eye level as you. "Hun, calm down. Everything's good, everything's fine. You do not owe me anything. I don't need you to thank me. I was simply looking out for one of my soldiers."
You hiccupped. "I will like it. I will love it. I promise I will. I will be good, I will be a good girl for you." You sobbed, ignorant to his words as you talked in a frenzy.
You actually believed that this was something normal to do to show appreciation.
Price let go of your wrists to cup your tear-straked cheeks. "I don't need you to be good. I don't need you to do something you are clearly forcing yourself to."
"Am I not pretty enough?" You suddenly asked, sure of yourself that this was the reason why he didn't want you.
Price huffed. "Hun, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He smiled reassuringly at you, trying to calm you. "You're are gorgeous and intelligent and talented. You work so hard, and are always respectful and polite to anyone around you."
He reached down to your robe to close it.
"But you don't have to repay kindness with your body, hun. That's not how it works."
He wiped the remaining tears away with his thumb before he placed his hand on the side of your neck, his thumb stroking your cheek.
The fog clouding your head finally cleared and you were now able to comprehend his words fully. You felt shame and embarrassment wash over you as you wrapped your arms around yourself.
"Do you... do you maybe have some spare clothes I can borrow?" You mumbled.
"Sure thing, hun." He cooed and got up to take the few steps to the right to reach the closet where he kept his training clothes.
He kept them there for easy access if he found enough time to go to the gym. He took the bag and handed it over to you.
"Thank you." You said, your voice low and your eyes fixed on your knees.
"I will leave you alone for a moment so you can change in private." You heard his voice from above you and then the soft click of the door closing.
You finally ripped your fixed stare away to glance at the door and then to the bag in front of you. Opening it, you grabbed the shirt and sweatpants and quickly put it on. You pressed the collar of the shirt that you were practically drowning in to your nose and inhaled.
It was freshly washed, but even then you could still smell a hint of tobacco.
A knock on the door took you back to reality.
"Everything okay in there? Can I come in?"
"Yeah." You croaked.
You quickly cleared your throat and repeated, "Yeah. Come in."
Price opened the door and smiled at you, reliefed now that you are fully clothed. He pushed away the warm tingles in his belly when he took you in. In another situation, he would have been happy and proud to see you wearing his clothes, but for now he just nodded to the the couch.
"Lets sit down, okay."
You followed him and sat down, leaving a respectful space between the two of you.
"I want you to understand that everything I said today is how it is. I need you to understand that you don't owe me, anyone for that instance, anything. And if you do, you don't do it with your body. When I help you, or do something for you, it's because I care about you and I want to."
Price carefully reached out to place two fingers under you chin to turn your head so you would look at him.
"Nothing that monster had taught you was right. No man, no real man, would ever demand of you to give yourself to him to repay him or thank him. A real man would worship you, would cherish you." He clarified, "If you do something, it should be because you want to and not because you have to. Your body belongs to you and only to you."
There was another wave of tears trickling from the corners of your eyes and down your cheeks.
"I'm there for you, hun. Never think you need to do anything you don't want to to be worthy of affection."
Overwhelmed by his gravely voice and his solacing words, not knowing what to do with this flutter in your belly, you grabbed his face and pressed your lips on his.
Price tensed in surprise. A selfish part of him wanted to pull you in and kiss you passionately until you had to part to breathe, but he already had experience in pushing that part aside when it came to you.
He pushed you away from him by your shoulders, shaking his head. "No, hun."
He sighed when he saw the hurt in your eyes. He had wanted to do this a long time ago, had waited for this to happen, but not like this. He refused to take advantage of your vulnerability.
"I want to, but I can't. Not when you're like this, not in this state. You need to recover from what you had been through, need to work with your trauma, and when you're ready, and I mean truly ready, then we can talk." Price says with a heavy exhale. "But right now, this is not what you need."
He took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles before he looked into your eyes.
"Take all the time that you need to heal. And if you still think that I'm worthy of your attention, I will be there. I'll be there, waiting for you."
#john price x reader#john price x you#captain price x reader#captain price x you#captain john price x reader#captain john price x you#call of duty#fanfic
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Hello!! This is my first time sending a ask to this blog so sorry if I break any rules- ^^;
I just wanted to ask for a Lumine! Reader, where they have a bad mental breakdown, full on falling to the ground and sobbing hard cuz they are looking for something very important that they lost and they've been asking everyone for help but those people ask for something in return before they help but then they never help in the end, just using the Reader-
Can it be with Himeko, Silver wolf, Stelle and Bronya?
( Poor Lumine, she just wants to find her brother but everyone's asking for stuff in return before they help and than they never fulfill their part of the deal )
I know😭 Lumine has to deal with so much and she gets so little in return
Hope you'll enjoy😄
Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping
Himeko: She feels guilty over it but she has waited for this exact moment, for you to come crying to her and she can comfort you. She loves you so much but you never seem to have enough time to notice.
Himeko will hug you, she holds you in place with one hand while the other softly rubs your back, you can't notice because of your position but she is smiling right now, she won't let you go back to searching, you will stay with her from now on. She will not take a no for an answer.
"The world is just full of bad people isn't that right, whatever it is you're looking for can wait right? I'll always be here for you, so why don't you just stay"
Silver Wolf: She feels sad over that maybe she is one of the reasons for your breakdown, she asked for your help in the past, she regrets ever doing that now, she takes you to her home and you play video games together, she isn't very good at comforting so this will have to do.
Silver Wolf let's you lie down on her bed and fall asleep, she joins you later and big spoons you, she knows what she has to do, she needs to hide you from the world, you are too precious, too lovely to ever let go, now be comforted in the safety of her arms cus you aren't leaving anytime soon.
"Oh, you wonder where the door is? Well I removed it, I don't want you to continue your search... I-I love you too much to let you have another breakdown"
Stelle: She knows how it is, a lot of people ask her for help as well, only difference is that Stelle doesn't have a goal that gets set back whenever she helps others, actually Stelle makes sure to help you more than others, so that she is the most important in your life.
So when you come running and cries into Stelle's arms that is when she makes a decision, you shouldn't have to deal with people when they only hurt you so much, Stelle leaves the Astral Express and joins you instead, she'll make sure you only know happiness from now on, now she just needs to convince you to stop searching and instead focus all of your attention on her instead, as it should be.
"There is no reason to cry anymore, I wont let you talk with anyone else again, I'm going to help you, so let me see a smile on that pretty face"
Bronya: She regrets not kidnapping you when she first fell for you, instead she let you go to search for what you lost, but each day without you made her feel more lonely, her mind drifted to darker thoughts, she has decorated a room for you decorated with stars and with a fluffy bed for your enjoyment. And chains ready to be used to keep you there
Bronya when she sees you again and you're crying, breaking down and begging for comfort leads you to that room where she will comfort you to her fullest capabilities. When you get tired and falls asleep on the bed is when she chains you down, this is how you should be, comfortable and safe with her by your side.
"Calm down, I know you can't move very much but it's for the best isn't it? Now you don't need to deal with any of the stress and betrayals, now all you need to do is think of and love me"
#yandere#yandere honkai star rail#yandere hsr#yandere female#yandere himeko#yandere himeko x reader#yandere silver wolf#yandere silver wolf x reader#yandere stelle#yandere stelle x reader#yandere bronya#yandere bronya x reader
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I want Miles to be shown dealing with PTSD from Miguel's assault for the first third of Beyond's plot. Like even for a significant amount of time after he's been found by Gwen and the band, he's freaking out at everything. He stares at shadows, fearing that one of Miguel's loyal spiders could be lurking. He gets antsy when the gang insist on making a pit stop to rest or do something important (idk what the overall plot structure is gonna be like) because what if they get ambushed? He freaks out about going to any new location because he thinks they might be walking into a trap (or they're walking him into a trap). He'll outright refuse to be left behind himself alone for a moment once he's finally reached the point where he trusts his friends again. We just bear witness to Miles in this constant state of terror for the first third or so of the film, with so much to fear while not knowing what will happen to him in the end.
And he will be struggling to bottle up all this pent up stress and terror he's amassed in the past 24 hours with nowhere healthy to put it because he still doesn't know who he can trust and also because he's Miles and you know he's shoving down all his negative thought patterns and just how afraid and anxious he is for the sake of his end goal. We'll see Miles' will to never dwell on things go from being his best quality to his worst obstacle simply because he learns these life lessons a little too well for his own good. He's gonna just keep going until he flies too close to the sun and shrivels up and burns. And all his pent up anxiety is gonna come out eventually for sure, but I think in a very ugly way.
Like I want his PTSD to really affect things. For his anxiety to affect the progress of the mission and slow the team down sometimes or give the spider society the upper hand while they're hunting them down across dimensions (that seems to be the direction they're going in since Miguel's final line in ATSV is a command to send every spider out to hunt for Miles). Like if they actually come face to face with society members and have to fight, Miles will freeze up in terror and he'll have to be rescued or the enemies end up succeeding in causing problems because Miles couldn't stop them.
Or better yet, and here's the real cherry on top: what if his anxiety causes his powers to malfunction. Like they still work, but he completely loses control over them when he's experiencing these moments of intense panic. He's so scared that he's flickering in and out of invisibility and instead of venom striking on command, he's having these infrequent yet uncontrollable electric outbursts that vary in intensity, like he's having bioelectrical spasms fueled by the panic, and he can't even concentrate enough to direct the venom strikes at anyone in particular. So now like he's essentially defenseless against the Society and it'll be another big factor in him learning to trust Gwen and the Spider-Band again, because he'll have no choice but to rely on them for his survival.
#atsv#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#miles morales#gwiles#spider verse#ghostflower#atsv miles#spiderverse miles#brushneb says stuff#forgot to add that Tag dang it#gotta get used to that
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okay so odd-ball thought abt the zombie asks floating around;
santi and his lil obsession get separated, he’s absolutely GEEKED out, already stressed and fatigued, so he’s kinda reverting back to his OLD old snappy self.
a few weeks of this happening and he’s reached his peak, just a complete douche and asshat when patches (i’m assuming if the Clergy gang were all together when it happened they stayed together cause numbers=safety most of the time) runs up and has this fucking lump in his arms covered with a blanket— santi instantly smelled his lil lover and damn near rips patches’ arms off to get to her and just kinda stands there holding her and purring or smth
then they fuck cause yeah it’s santi and he’s a mix of absolutely starved and carnally obsessed with this sudden reunion with his lover.
(i love zombie aus. sorry if this doesn’t match his personality or traits, i’m severely tired but i HAD to blurb about this for a hot second-)
TW: Noncon moment.
It's not unlikely that he'll revert back to that mindset. After all, it's almost like his younger days in the Rings, always looking out for himself and trusting no one.
He might become worse, actually, since there's so little people out there who retain their intelligence and social norms. Santi doesn't have to be constantly checking himself and acting in ways that purposely charm others around him. There's no one to charm, no one to seduce, therefore he doesn't need to exert energy in thinking of tactics and lines and what kind of expressions he should make. Overtime, those mannerisms fade and he becomes a more raw, brute version of what an incubus truly is deep down. A predator looking to fuck the energy out of you so it can sustain itself.
His coworkers don't make a big deal out of it, they've known Santi for a long while, especially Grimbly, and they know how he gets when in a truly foul mood. They've seen him devoid of charming mannerisms. They don't care for his tantrums, but there have been instances where Santi simply picks fights with them just to prove something to himself he can't even understand, just to take his mind off things, because it's easier to brawl and sexually harass someone than to admit that he needs help. That he's broken and sees no real reason to exist anymore except to remember you.
In this state, Santi has no qualms being incredibly sadistic and hunting down anything he considers worth the effort, hurting them as the brute acts necessary for his feeding unfurl. They're not even people, these walking husks... And the survivors he does find, they'd rather try to kill him, so they're not any better than the zombies are they? They don't deserve an inch of his mercy, so they can squirm themselves to death on the incubus' cock for all he cares.
When he gets you back, as surprising as it is that he even got you back at all after basically mourning your loss and spiraling into the worst version of himself... Santi doesn't know what to do with himself. It's like being hit with a brick to the face. And he realizes what a cunt he is.
You won't love him like that.
It's been so long, he can barely crack the same smile he used to for you. His claws are way too big, his body's covered in scuff marks from willingly getting into dangerous altercations. Santi forgot half the charm he used to have, and the remnants he's trying to put back on are forced. Unnatural.
When you wake up in his arms, it's all the demon can do not to blubber like a fucking baby. He doesn't speak too much initially because aside from "I'm so glad I found you again.", he's probably going to spit something tasteless and ruin the moment.
Santi finds himself unintentionally being brutish to you, snapping, speaking too roughly, grabbing you hard, subconsciously treating you the same way he would his prey. He sees the fear in your eyes and instantly freezes, realizing he's a danger to you and not recovering fast enough to avoid damaging the relationship.
The others around him, the ones that can still stand him, try to offer Santi advice and comfort him when he distances himself from your hurt self.
It all culminates in an intimate moment where Santi stops listening to you and just takes. You tell him to slow down, and he doesn't. It's a few minutes of him being a senseless rutting beast until he hears you sobbing. Not the pleasured sobbing of someone who has orgasmed too many times, the sobs and cries of someone who is in pain and scared.
You're the last person he wants to hurt, and Santi just wounded you in the worst way he possibly could.
After that, the incubus comes clean about what happened to him, who he was in his past, what happened when he thought he had lost you forever. And more than that, as much as he hates to do it, Santi gives up most control of things to you while he works to restore the incubus you fell in love with.
Because if you considered leaving him now, he would probably never recover at all.
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I haven't played less of p, but can keep asking questions!
Do you have any propaganda for playing the game?
hi welcome to the lies of p propaganda
literally a mix of bloodborne and american mcgee's alice when it comes to aesthetic, vibes, themes and battle systems. if you liked either of them and are upset that bloodborne won't get a port and alice won't get a sequel this is a good alternative
the devs confirmed a sequel and a dlc btw. and they're indie so they shouldn't have many problems
INCREDIBLE soundtrack, and here's some examples of my favorites because i need to share quixotic, memory of beach, shattered memories, hall of fame and arche abbey everywhere
the boss fights are difficult, but most of them are very fair and easy to learn the patterns of. while some are clearly fodder... anyone who played a soulsborne game know that every now and then you have to deal with a curse-rotted greatwood or a witch of hemwick if it means you can have a pontiff sulyvan or a lady maria in return!! if you don't mind spoilers i highly recommend checking out the battles with the king of puppets or with champion victor
tackles themes of overcoming grief, different ways to deal with it, rebirth, what it means to be human, being your own person and honestly and lies, with the latter especially being the most prominent one and heavily implying that even if honesty is good, sometimes a lie is a much better option for everyone
INCREDIBLE visuals hello
i need to talk about how good the monsters design is because body and mechanical horror fans rise UP
you can actually mix-n-match every single weapons you can find around, not including very overpowered boss weapons, and you can have a cannon arm?? like yes it's far from being the fastest weapon but consider: i can either hit and dash or i can make the boss explode
Your Choices Matter you know when a game promises you that they don't. well they do they DOOO literally every single choice starting with your very first one matter HEAVILY in the end
i can't stress enough how good the characters are, they're all full of life and energy and Love. you get a puppet in love, a beautiful charismatic old woman, a spunky young mechanic, whatever the fuck venigni my dad venigni has going on, an actually pretty fun version of the cricket and even pinocchio, who like most soulsborne seems to have little to no personality, is way more human from the get-go, with a lot of characters noting that he's so easily annoyed by their bigger-than-life personality and dramatique
this game made me cry SO many times between the music the lore and the incredible writing and voice acting. it's weird to say i didn't expect that much from it, like when the first trailer arrived we all went haha bishounen pinocchio bloodborne game, but the various npcs and even some bosses feel so human that inevitably seeing them going through situation destroyed me fr fr
but seriously the small details fuck me up so bad. the fact that pinocchio starts by making heavy mechanical noises whenever he moves and occasionally twitches and makes no noise when he attacks and the more "good ending" choices you make the less mechanical noises he makes and the more he occasionally grunts whenever he's hit is so nice?? they literally change every single one of his animation if you aim for that ending and it's so!!!!! aaaa
and also you can play fashionsouls the clothes have no effect other than being fancy so you can literally wear whatever the fuck you want and i, personally, find it very fun. big fan of the workshop master clothes btw that was my main until i unlocked the white clothes
i could go on but it would fall in spoilers territory fnasdmg point is. play lies of p
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Tails for All! - Abaddon edition
Other parts: Kings | Gehenna | Tartaros | Hades | Avisos | Nilfheim | Paradise Lost
Dantalian
A small fluffy ball, slightly elongated towards the top. It looks like a deer, but with black fur instead of brown.
He's glad he has small horns because it makes him look less dangerous. He is even happier with his little tail. It's cute and matches Sailor Moon's uniform more than any nasty weapon. He only wishes you could write on it.
Asmodeus doesn't like his tail because, unlike the other two, he can't hold Dantalian by the tail like on a leash. Dantalian offered to attach barbed wire to his tail. You don't know how this conversation went further.
His tail smells lovely, like almonds. Why? Nobody knows.
The best anti-stress squeeze in all of Hell.
Sensitiveness 10/10. Stand on it. Crush it. Tear out the fur. Set it on fire. The more you abuse it, the better.
He will be honestly surprised when you start stroking and kissing him, but... hey, it's actually nice too!
Phenix
A long, feathery tail. The feathers are blurry because they are made of pure flames, you can't see where the feathers end and the fire begins. The whole thing is long up to the feet.
The color of his tail depends on his emotions, in arousal the shades change between red, orange and white when he cums (so usually).
Asmodeus asked Beelzebub to give Phenix a piercing at the base of his tail. Beel could not agree, because he was not his citizen, but under his watchful eye, Asmo did it himself and put a padlock on Phenix, thanks to which his tail does not burn inanimated objects.
Phenix can actually regulate whether his tail will burn someone or not, but he's too excited to consider such things.
Perfect for fighting. Angel feathers smell beautiful when they burn. In addition, severed limbs can be burned to prevent the enemy from bleeding out too quickly.
When not excited, his tail curls up and is much smaller and about the size of Stolas. At least that's what Morax said. No one else can confirm or deny.
Sensitiveness ?/10. How do you want to touch the fire?
In fact, you saw that a one person can touch Phenix's tail whenever he wants. But Asmo is a mean bastard and all you will hear from him is "try it yourself".
In bed it can only be used as a night lamp. At least until you teach that little bird to keep his emotions in check (good luck).
Ronove
Calf-length, very hard, covered with stone-hard skin, with a ball the size of a fist at the end. Morningstar, actually. Dark, gray skin, rough. He actually has patches like a dinosaur.
The spines are long, sharp and hooked at the tip. They will tear out a piece of meat if they get stuck.
Can retract spikes. He controls them much better than Phenix controls his flame. When you're dealing with just the ball, it's very nicely slick and in the right shape... wait, that should have been at the end.
When he was younger and Asmodeus told him to shut up, he put his tail in his mouth. Now it's a bit too big. You can lick it too... wait, yes, at the end. Again. Oops.
Perfect massager. Heavy enough that you can feel it running along your back and shoulders, but not overwhelming.
Sensitiveness 7/10. He loves playing with his tail when you are together. The tip and base are the most sensitive. Play with them, but not too gently, spankings and whips are most desirable.
Rough skin is perfect for grinding. Besides, he'd love to see it.
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…well, we know about one more figure from this country. And I have an unhealthy obsession with him. He's so hot he burned a hole in my brain, and he isn't even out yet. We only know his appearance from Love Unholyc, but just let's have some fun, I'll try to fit him something. We'll see how this post ages lol.
Asmodeus
Scorpion tail. As thick as his arms, black as his hair, hard and shiny, with a sting at the end.
At first, his tail is confused with Beel and vice versa. In fact, they are two completely different things. Beel is much more flexible and thinner, while Asmo is larger and harder.
He likes to sit on a chaise-longue-like throne in a brothel-looking hall, hold you in his lap, wrap his deadly tail around you, and watch Dantesque scenes at his feet with his queen by his side. The only thing missing is popcorn.
Like his hair, the tail is wrapped in barbed wire. Normal devils would prefer it had some sort of cover on it. The other kings wondered whether they should really do one to him.
Of course it's poisonous. The only antidote is to drink milk from his horn. If you don't please him, he will sting you to try harder. He likes watching you fight for your life…
...but he will never lose himself enough to do real harm to you. I mean, kill you. He will detoxify you long before you pass out.
By the way, do I need to mention that this poison is the strongest aphrodisiac in hell?
Sensitiveness 4/10. As opposed to being the embodiment of lust, his tail is used for fighting rather than caressing.
Yes, he will try to put his stinger in you. No, this is not a good idea. Of course he knows it, but he loves the horror and outrage on your face.
#whb#what in hell is bad#whb phenix#whb ronove#whb dantalian#btw does Abbadon have any color assigned? Guys don't have ults#whb asmodeus#I was physically unable to skip him#at least we know more about him than Orias#I know he's supposed to be with the kings but he ended up here as an extra because he's unofficial#He'll change his place if he kindly shows us his sexy ass
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AITA for saying tomy dad he doesn't knows how to use the damn washing machine?
🎣 So I can find it later
Me (transmasc, 25) live with my parents. This is something they suggested me after I had a breakup with someone abusive, before someone jumps at my neck for living with them, immediately voting that I am the asshole. No they don't respect either my name or my pronouns, that's how bad the relationship was. I also pay a fixed amount per month that's about half of my salary+do more complex house chores. This was a while ago when mom had just given birth.
My dad is pretty big at fishing, and gets his fishing clothes pretty dirty. Fishy smell, dirt, grass, dirty water, you know the drill. Fishes a shitton of fishes and sell it for some extra money. I think it's important to mention his salary isn't bad, it's actually about 7 times the minimum wage here, he just spends in a lot of stuff he doesn't needs like getting a lot of toys for the younger sibling, a lot of fishing material he doesn't uses, paying for bills he made back when he exchanged our house for a farm and then got absolutely ridden in debt from farm expenses because he thought everything would be perfect like in those farm movies. And then had to exchange the farm again in a worse house and still pay back some money, getting pets he can't pay for the expenses like about 15-20 native birds (that are illegal btw) and canaries that cost some real money because they eat specialized food and fresh fruit+medicine. I think it's also important to mention that when I was younger my mom and him fought at least one time per month about his fishing habits that were like, leave on Friday and coke back either sunday night or monday morning. Now they're much more tamer usually capping off at one day, but still are frequent, like at least one time per week.
Now to the real deal: mom always washes his clothes, but in this specific time I was doing laundry because she just was cut open with a C-section to have the twins because of an emergency with the babies .Twins weren't home yet but it was not like she could do anything, so I was doing laundry, organizing my siblings chores (15F, 13M, 4F), taking care of the younger one, unfortunately overwhelmed from being the mom. And dad just leaves to fishing every weekend like it's no biggie and leaves their children to just fend for themselves I guess if I wasn't here. So I am making food, making chores and all of that, real mama chores including dealing with the very moody 4yo that isn't happy dad isn't home and mom can't get out of the bed and cried from about anything that mildly inconveniences her.
Then he comes home from fishing and tuck his dirty clothes god knows where, and one week later finds it again and starts bitching about how no one washed his fishing outfit and I, very tired, very overwhelmed and very stressed, say to him "why, don't you know how to use the damn washing machine?" And he gets like, really offended and says he won't even answer me do he won't offend me, and in my tired state I just answer that all he needs to do is to throw it there with soap and turn it on, he could do that and he gets more mad and storms off to fish (again yes, leaving my mom with basically a recovering surgery with the kids.)
Another detail is that a year before he did the same thing but mom had left for some christian stuff for two weeks, and when I asked him if he could load the washing machine so I could finish fixing lunch, he told me he didn't know how to use it and I taught him. He's 45. It's one of those washing machines with literally everything written on them on how to use.
I also should clarify that he's not mentally disabled or physically disabled, if the fishing trips weren't enough clue for his overall wellness. Mom acted as I should bend to his will and just washes the clothes because it's not worth fighting. My 15yo sister is with me because he makes her clean the sink he uses to clean the fishes every time he fishes. Mom is mad at both of us because we're tearing this family apart and we should just accept dad as he is and do what he says.
Tldr: AITA for asking my dad if he doesn't knows how to do the laundry even after I taught him to do so?
What are these acronyms?
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— SHOWER ME WITH LOVE!
scenario ; married au?! How would they express their love and affection to you? Especially when you ask them to?
type ; headcanon
include/s ; ushijima, bokuto, sawamura, kuroo
pairing/s ; character x gn! reader
genre ; fluff, comedy, a mountain full of corn
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI
Would probably take you to their hometown and go for a nice hike in the mountains.
Well it could be troublesome to do so, but having the time away from his volleyball career is good enough, since you begged him to pay attention to you, his partner as well. And he listened.
Having a dip in a hot spring is good as well, the stress being removed from all over you, and try to loosen up a bit!
It doesn't look like it, but Ushijima himself enjoys it to an extent. He is more like an action type of guy instead of charming you with his words, since the he isn't that bright at that part at the very least.
After the hot spring, he would give you a massage. Now, wearing robes and now clothing underneath it feels as if it's much free and easy to move around.
A nice refreshing vacation, and Ushijima giving you a massage + pampering you until you fall asleep.
"Just close your eyes and get lost to the feeling, you feel your body loosening up and the sound of the water streams calms you down..."
Well, of course he wouldn't come up with this plan without Tendou helping him out!
BOKUTO KOUTAROU
Bokuto would pamper you with love and affection, it's just that he forgets that it's about you and only you only.
He would take you to the zoo, a zoo date on a hot summer day. Of course.
This man loves birds, that he admires them and goes in an awe. He does this until he gets tired staring at them, as if having an eye staring contest.
Some may say that he is a little bit childish, well they are not wrong there. But Bokuto means good, he really dedicates this date to you and only you.
"I know you're kind of tired with the birds and all, but wait until you see your favorite animal!"
Despite this hot day, you got to see your favorite animal. This then puts a smile on your face. Looking at Bokuto back he grins to himself like his proud of what his done.
You asked to be pampered, and you've got your 50 percent pamper after you mostly pampered him on the way home. Well, we can't blame the man who is clearly obsessed with birds who still wanted to explore more species of it.
SAWAMURA DAICHI
His idea of showering you with love is charming you with his cooking skills. He wasn't that much of a good cook until you thought him before.
Now he knows how to even watch complex cooking tutorials with you teaching him all the roundabouts for a beginner cook.
"The way to my partner is to their stomach!"
Sawamura then placed a bunch of different dishes which you weren't even familiar with. He even made big servings out of it.
Well, he was confident enough that with the both of you eating it all nothing is impossible. He took a huge bite then he did it again and again just by the looks of it he is well satisfied by his cooking.
When you got to have your first bite, you immediately praised him and admired his cooking skills. He was shocked and happy to hear you praise him. He let out a huge grin.
With his food, this was enough for you to feel how much he means it when he loves cooking for you.
KUROO TETSUROU
He would rather pamper a cat rather than pampering a clingy dog, he said. But right now you are both, in need of attention and some of that tender loving care from your husband.
"Hon, I can't believe you're actually behaving like a sassy cat and at the same time a persistent pup."
With that being said, you laid down his thighs as he watches the television. You asked to be petted on your head and kissed on your forehead whenever you asked him to, and he does it.
He was actually getting tired of it, until you started pouting. Of course, he was bothered by it. Started to apologize and even made a greater deal than ever before.
And that is, Kuroo has to say 'I love you' every time he kisses your forehead. It was a funny sight to see but to be pampered like this with so much love and attention how can you not resist.
a/n ; yes! I wanted to make this a fluff instead since I want some comfort to read!
taglist ; @sammushy @gcj-doesart @ryuuudesuwa @jasugoi
check my masterlist if you want more, click on my pfp!
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! fluff#hq x reader#hq fanfic#hq headcanons#hq fic#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x y/n#hq x gender neutral reader#hq x you#hq x y/n#hq sawamura#hq bokuto#hq ushijima#hq kuroo#haikyuu ushijima#haikyuu boys#haikyuu bokuto#haikyuu kuroo#haikyuu sawamura#ushijima x reader#bokuto x you#kuroo x you#sawamura daichi x reader#ushijima wakatoshi#bokuto koutarou#kuroo tetsurou#daichi sawamura
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If Legend were to lose his memory, what would happen?
Oh boy!
(Warning, I got really into this! It's not a fic, but it might as well be LOL)
Full personality reset!
Legend is a hero who started young, and while there's not a lot in the games to go off of, the manga, official art, and some circumstances indicate that prior to LA he was actually a really sweet, caring, openly positive sort of guy with a big heart. Granted, he was still a smart-aleck if you read the manga, and got sassy and snarky at times, but he was generally someone I think most people would enjoy being around. But then LA happened, and then ALBW, and maybe a few more adventures (someone converted me to add Cadence of Hyrule to the roster but I don't know where). Suddenly, he's not only going through puberty, but he's dealing with world ending threats left, right, and forward. He can't catch a break, he's under a lot of stress, and the people he should be able to rely on either betray him or disappear.
Cue the salty vet we know. He's wary and guarded. He's still got a big heart and a great sense of humor, but now he's not ready to share those as much. He cares enough to protect the other heroes from injury or from Time's harsh words, but he's not ready to lower his guard enough to relax and be who he was. There's too much distrust, too much certainty that they'll be like all the other people he counted on and either disappear or betray him, or just not understand. Sure, they're heroes, but at most, any of them has only ever had two adventures. They don't get what it's like spending your whole life running around the world saving people and fighting monsters, to the point where you don't have time for family, for growing up properly, for establishing connections or support systems or any of the important things that the other heroes DO have time for.
Legend, as he is, is a wary and guarded individual who shields himself by using snark and jokes to divert attention away from his weaknesses and insecurities. Why? Because his past taught him to be like that.
What if you take away the memories of his past though? What if, suddenly, Legend has no recollection of the betrayals of Hyrule's Knights? Of the person he thought was a friend but tried to kill him once she knew what his bloodline was (Ghanti)? Suddenly, he only knows he's got scars and is in a lot of pain all of the time. He doesn't know why, but he has no reason to doubt that the people around him, who are like him (more Hylians! They've almost died out in his time, but here they are!) are telling the truth when they desperately insist that he's their companion.
Granted, he's still Legend, he's still got anxiety and that Bunny Spirit likely means he's wary by nature of things/people he doesn't know, but once he's given good reason, why shouldn't he accept these people? Why shouldn't he openly show emotion and care and warmth?
Meanwhile for the other heroes, it's whiplash. Legend got the worst side of a battle/dungeon/accident and they were all worried and waiting for him to wake up, but when he does? Blank. He has no clue who they are, where he is, who he is, or what's going on. Horror quickly overtakes them as they realize that holy shoot, did he lose his memories too?
I think in such a situation, Wild would be the one to basically take one look at another amnesiac hero and decide he's going to help out the best he can because, for once in Legend's life, someone knows exactly what he's going through. So what if Legend's suddenly more open and understanding? So what if he laughs off his lack of memories like a bad joke, assuring them that he's sure they'll come back? So what if suddenly Legend is teasing and playing around like someone his age would normally do? He's affectionate and warm and encourages the others, but his self esteem is utter and complete shit, which...their vet has his pride? This kid has some, but not in himself so much as that he has enough to not appreciate being made the butt of every joke or some such.
Memory loss doesn't tend to hamper a persons ability to accomplish tasks or know core information (history facts, how to write/read, stuff like that) so Legend still can wield a sword and fight beside them, but he's not fighting like normal because he's not adapting around their needs anymore, so it still throws them off. He doesn't cover their tails so much as dance around the enemy instead and kick ass. It's new, it's different, and this version of Legend no longer understands that it's important for him to hold back. (And once he realizes the armory he has at his fingertips, all his items, well!)
In general though, it's probably shocking for them. He's an expressive kid, he's got a big heart, he loves to laugh but sometimes he shuts down because the anxiety is winning and he no longer knows how to cope with that. It's Legend, yes, but it's Legend with all the shields and guards lowered, almost gone. He's instinctively scared of things that normal Legend is, but he doesn't know why, or that he's supposed to hide it. He can't tell them why the storms make him hyperventilate or why Wolfie's presence sets him ill at ease, only that it does and that hey, if I pass out, don't freak out okay?
He's openly affectionate, he's attentive and caring, he's warm and playful. He still snarks at those in authority and he still teases and jokes, but it's without that harsh bite from before. It's a strange thing for the heroes because as sweet as this kid is, they're being torn by two emotions.
It's sort of heartbreaking that behind all that hurt and wariness, there was this sweet kid. Seeing Legend like this makes them realize that he's essentially had his life stolen by adventuring and it's hurt him a lot, turned him into a different person. The contrast makes them realize just how much the adventures affected the vet and how little they really understand who he was before and how he was affected.
They miss him. Like, yeah, this version of him is great and all, but they've become used to having someone in their group who will bite and snap and hiss, and without that, it throws off their whole balance! Legend used to say what everyone else was thinking but had the good manners to not say, he was the conduit of their darker thoughts and feelings, and if he expressed things, then no one else needed to. Now he's not doing that so they ARE and the realization that maybe they're all a bit more jaded then they let on, maybe the soft is a little harsher, makes them all uncomfortable.
They want their guarded, harsh, veteran hero back, but the cost is losing the sweet teenager whose taken his place.
And I know you asked about Legend but hey, this would 100% set off some stuff for Wild too, because now he knows. He gets to witness firsthand how other people are affected when a loved one loses their memories and becomes a different person. I think for him it would shed some light on a lot of things, that maybe being without some memories is a blessing; it might mean he's a happier and kinder person than he used to be. But at the same time, the fact that the other heroes, and even himself when he's not thinking about it, still expect the body and face they recognize to act in certain ways, so when Legend doesn't, they get thrown off and confused, I think that would bother him. He tries really hard, but when he realizes that the others want back the traumatized and utterly broken version of his friend, it hurts part of him too because not only does this mean they want an unhappy Legend more (in his mind), it also means that people don't want the version of him that he is now either, because they probably want the old him back too.
I think Wild would be highly defensive over the vet, would be shattered at the others wanting Legend to turn back to normal because what's wrong with how he is now? Why does he have to be someone different? It's a loaded question because he means it as much about himself as Legend.
If Legend went without getting most of his memories back, or even just started getting a few but, like Wild, disassociating them from himself, or even if he got them back slowly and thus just processed them as they came, learning things but not changing back into who he was, I feel like it could mess with things. Wild is supportive and helpful. He sits with him and talks him through stuff, they discuss memories and coping mechanisms and Wild, a person who knows who Legend was before, is there to assure and give answers where he can. In such a case, I think Legend would slowly regain things, but like Wild, wouldn't become who he used to be just because he's got the memories back. He's more sedate than when he didn't have them, but he's not as harsh as when he had them all. He's quieter, deals with a lot of insecurities about it, but Wild is there to assure and help him grow and overcome and move past and he just...becomes a different person entirely. Because yes, same traumas and memories, but now it's like they're happening again for the first time, only he has support now, he has help now, he has a coping mechanism and ways to process it in healthy ways now and he just...grows around those scars.
Alternatively, if he did somehow recover all his memories, just like that, and went back to being his old self, I think we'd just have a Legend with a new story under his belt. Wild though? Wild would be utterly devastated. Everyone is so happy to have the old Legend back, they're glad he's not the version of himself without memories. They like him better like this, like how he's supposed to be. It's heart shattering for Wild becomes the implications that the people who know him feel the same way about him is heart-breaking.
As a note, I don't think the other heroes would be asses about the situation. They're just really glad their old friend is back because as nice as the other version of him is, it's not the version they know and share memories and experiences with. They would have accepted it if he'd never remembered, but the relief that comes with having him back to himself, having him predictable and familiar and balancing out their group and dynamics again, it's overwhelming because they missed him.
If he never recovered into who he was though, I feel like they'd still accept and embrace him. They mourn who he used to be, but this new version of Legend would understand. He'd feel bad that he's not who they remember, but he appreciates that they lost a friend and that they need the time. He's somewhat insecure, much like Wild, over not being who he was, but the Chain are all Links; they adapt, and eventually they grow around the loss and accept the new Legend like he's just joined them. I think he'd probably decide to use a different title, maybe call himself the Hero of Worlds since Legend was a different guy altogether, and it helps everyone move on better. The Hero of Legend is gone, and the Hero of Worlds just joined. It makes coping easier, growing around it easier, and it's better for World because they can talk about "Legend" all they like and it's like talking about a different guy entirely.
In the case of his memories coming slowly and him never coming back, I think they'd all learn to move on, adapt, and accept World in Legend's place.
In the case of Legend coming back fully though, I think the others would regard it as a crazy story to tell, while Wild would be utterly and completely shattered by it. He'd still accept Legend back of course, it's not Legend's fault, but he would struggle so, so much with the whole thing.
So yeah! That's what I think would happen!
#asks and answers#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu legend#lu wild#i swear this is basically a fic#but not#it was fun though!#i thought about savig it for a fic#but i decided it would be better to ust answer ad IF i decide to write a fic than it's great#but if not you still get your answer :)
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Hi, we are several hundred rats. More accurately, I am a rat, writing on behalf of my several hundred friends, who are also rats.
It's pretty good, being rats, certainly compared to all the nonsense sapios and other bipeds have to deal with. Like knees, and dentist appointments. Recently, though, we've run into a problem. It's very common for sapios to mistake us for a multi-coporeal entity or a collective intelligence or something of that nature. You know, quote-unquote hive minds. Ignoring the fact that most hives don't actually work like that and the way that the common vernacular exposes the inherent sapionormative biases of the modern social system, it usually isn't a problem. One of us corrects them, the human reacts however they react, no big deal. Their reactions are on them, not our problem.
I'm being asked to add that it's a little sad that the humans don't have the close social bonds that could be mistaken for that kind of thing. So now I have. And now they're discussing whether it's sad or just the nature of the human condition. I'm going to keep writing while they're not trying to co-author this letter.
Well, about three years ago, a colony of cerebrachnids moved in next door with their host body. We don't need to tell you, of course, that brain spiders are actually a collective intelligence. Almost all of us have been of great terms with them since day one. It's nice having someone around who can sympathize with how sapios view us. Rats and spiders, right?
Turns out that they've thought we were some sort of multi-coporeal entity this whole time. It came up last week when some of us were visiting for tea. They've thought for years that we were some manner of genus similar to them, and have just been too polite to ask what we are. I, the rat doing the typing, wasn't there, but the ones who were there all agree that our neighbor got a little weird about it, and they're a lot less overtly friendly since then.
We can't agree if they're feeling awkward, or if they're maybe reevaluating the whole friendship in the light of how we have less in common with them than they thought.
Any advice? Do we just pretend it didn't happen and go on like normal?
Thank you for getting touch, reader – or should I say, readers? I'm extremely heartened to hear how healthy your collective attitudes are to the misconceptions people have about multi-corporeal entities and collective intelligences. I'm also pleased that you recognise your own boundaries in managing other people's expectations and reactions to your lived reality.
That said, I don't think there's any risk of your overstepping those boundaries by reaching out to this neighbour and clearing the air about their misconception. I understand you don't want to take on more than your share of the emotional work. But frankly, simply being aware of that as a potential issue is generally enough to stop it from happening.
There might be any number of reasons for your neighbours' sudden standoffishness. They might be embarrassed by their mistake, or feeling foolish for misunderstanding your nature. Or they might be disappointed at the loss of what they assumed was a friendship built on commonality of experience. The fact is, you won't know until you talk to them.
Invite them over for tea and let them know how much you've missed them. Emphasise how much you all value your relationship with them, and that you're keen that this misunderstanding should be set aside.
I would also take the time to stress how much you do have in common, despite these differences. You may not share the same kind of consciousness as them, but there has been enough shared between you to sustain years of friendship – not only shared interests and talking points, but also deeper commonalities around how sapios treat your genuses.
I don't think anything will be gained by making them feel shamed or punished, especially if they were acting out of nothing more malicious than embarrassment. Give them a little grace, and take the time to clear the air between you properly. Then, with any luck, you'll all be able to shrug this moment off as nothing but an awkward bump in the otherwise smooth road of friendship.
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