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thehighladywrites · 2 months

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— “I’m just a girl!”

☀︎ — pairing: nerd/tutor azriel x bimbo/ditzy reader

☀︎ — summary: you tell azriel you don’t know what taxes are, and that you haven’t filed them ever

☀︎ — warnings: fluff, dramatic reader, azriel being sweet and educational

☀︎ — amara’s note: man i wish i was her rn💔 also this is so fucking real bc what on earth are taxes???

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“Baby, please, you have got to grasp the gravity of this situation. Not filing your taxes is no joke. You could end up behind bars for tax evasion! There was a whole mandatory course last semester, didn’t you take it?” Azriel's tone is firm, his concern painted all over his face as he stands infront of you.

When you revealed that you didn't know what taxes were or how to "file" them, Azriel got worried sick, emphasizing the importance of understanding basic responsibilities like this.

He brought you into the living room, seated you on the sofa, and stood in front of you, carefully explaining step by step why not filing taxes was illegal and how to fix the situation. However, no matter how hard you try, you can't focus on his words, your attention completely consumed by his built muscles. Your mind goes blank as you find yourself daydreaming about him taking off his shirt.

Azriel knows you’re not focusing on his words, he knows you’re ogling his body, and even though he gets warm and loves it, he needs you to focus on the topic, at least for a few minutes.

“Are you paying attention, baby?”

You honestly don’t get it at all. Like, if they take tax from you when you’re shopping, shouldn’t they already know how much you owe or whatever? And who even are the IRS? Can’t you just live your life without all this complicated stuff? Why does Azriel have to make everything so...ugh, what's the word? Complicated?

“Oh my god, Azzie! Stop it, I don’t wanna do this and I don’t understand anything. Please, I’m just a girl!” you exclaim dramatically pulling your knees to your chest as you hide your face in your hands, tears prickling in your eyes. You’re feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation and the sheer thought of dealing with stupid taxes.

Azriel sighs deeply, his brows furrowing as he takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. If he doesn’t have a gray hair by the end of the week, he’ll consider it a win. As much as he wants you to understand what is wrong with basically committing a crime, he doesn’t want you crying, he feels sick to his stomach seeing you so sad but he just has to fucking ask.

“You’re—You're just a girl— sweetheart, what does that even mean?” he asks gently, completely flabbergasted by your statement.

You fold your arms over your chest, chin held high as you say, “Ya heard me, m’just a girl. And that means i should not be doing any of this, i should be living my best life instead of thinking about whatever taxes are.”

Azriel just looks at you with raised eyebrows, man you’re stressing him the fuck out. Luckily he caught your illegal activities early otherwise you would have gone to prison for sure. Even though he thinks it was ridiculous for a person to have never done their taxes ever, he doesn’t hold you against it. He just slumps his shoulders, taking a breather. Azriel can never be mad at you, never at his sweet angel. Especially not when you look so upset, big sparkly eyes looking at him with worry.

It’s in that moment. That tiny moment, he decides to never confront you with your mistakes. Sure you almost went to jail, but Azriel is here now. He is intelligent enough to think about the more serious issues for the both of you. And he will for the rest of his life, not because he has to, but because he wants to. He wants to take care of you.

“You’re right, my love, you shouldn’t worry about this. I’ll take care of it,” Azriel assures you, his tone gentle as he tucks a strand behind your ear.

You look up at him, eyes shiny with unshed tears as your face lights up before you stand up and jump into his arms, showering his face with kisses, your excitement bubbling over.

“Awe, you're the best baby, I love you so, so, soooo much!” you exclaimed, your words flowing freely in your ditzy excitement.

He laughs shyly, still getting nervous when you show him affection. “I love you too, beautiful.”

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hualianisms · 6 months

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Not father & son, not master & disciple, but a secret third thing

First of all, let me preface this by being clear that everyone is free to headcanon anything they want and like/dislike anything they like/dislike! That being said, sometimes I see international fans interpret FDB as LLH's son, or their dynamic as parent-child or otherwise familial, and as a native chinese speaker, I just wanted to share some reasons why I personally did not interpret them as familial.

Granted, at the start of the show, FDB is kept in the dark and also not up to LLH's level of skill in solving cases. However, FDB quickly catches up in crime-solving skills, intellect and maturity by the 2nd half of the show, after a well-written growth arc. I think the beauty of the characters and relationships in this show is that they grow & evolve, and are meant to do so. The dynamic that LLH & FDB had in episode 1 is quite different from their dynamic at the end of the show. By the later episodes, they are 2 adults who are very much equals.

Why I don't read them as father & son:

LLH & FDB act and speak in a manner that is far too informal & familiar with one another, which would be extremely inappropriate for any kind of parent & child, even a surrogate one. Several times, FDB calls LLH by just his first name "Lianhua", and sometimes even calls him "Damn Lianhua" when he is angry/upset at LLH. This would be extremely rude for a disciple to call a master, or a son to call a father. No son talks to his father the way FDB talks to LLH, and no disciple talks to their master like that. Unless the son/disciple hates the father/master, and is outright rejecting his father/master altogether. As we see in the show, not only does FDB not hate LLH at all, he instead cares deeply for LLH and would do anything to save him. Why, then would someone scold/curse someone they care about? Does the trope of the upset spouse/partner sound familiar?

For comparison, see FDB's interactions with He Xiaohui, who he is close to - he is informal & affectionate with her, but never calls her anything other than "娘 niang" ("mother"). I can't emphasize enough how taboo it is in Chinese culture to ever call your parent or parental figure by their name under any circumstance.

2. In ep 31, FDB himself explicitly rejects the idea of LLH as his shifu and himself as LLH's disciple, responding that he is too old to be LLH's disciple and it was merely a joke. He clearly sees LLH as an equal, and rejects the notion of their relationship being anything other than that of 2 adult equals. LLH also tells his shiniang that FDB is not his disciple, and a few episodes ago LLH told FDB that he has never understimated FDB.

Coding/hints as something other than platonic:

Zhiji/zhijiao - FDB calls LLH his 知交 zhijiao in ep 19, and 知己 zhiji in ep 34. "In this life, I, Fang Duobing, recognize you as my only zhiji." is practically a love declaration. And this bond is reciprocated by LLH, bc in a deleted line in ep 19, translated by forayuarchive on twitter, LLH is the one who first calls FDB his zhijiao.

To clarify, Zhiji is not specifically a romantic term, but it's what was used in both The Untamed and Word of Honor - both dramas based on danmei novels with canon gay main pairings - to bypass censorship, to code the bond between the main duo as deeper than your typical platonic male friendship. (See this post for a detailed explanation of the significance/history behind the term zhiji, and see this twitter thread for an explanation of the meaning of zhijiao in MLC - especially how zhijiao is specifically mutual, reciprocated).

2. Married bickering - forayuarchive on twitter has discussed in these twitter threads how the tone of many of LLH & FDB's interactions (especially FDB) is similar to how married couples or romantic partners speak to one another bc of the level of familiarity, tone and language. For my fav example, see this note (translation by forayuarchive) that FDB left LLH in ep 35, which reads pretty much like a note that a spouse/partner might write when leaving their shared house in a hurry.

3. "Xiaobao" - Personally as a native Chinese speaker, LLH calling FDB "xiaobao" in front of everyone is a level of intimacy that genuinely would make me feel embarrassed to hear as a third party. 小宝 xiao bao (literal meaning = "little treasure") is usually something you call actual babies/children AND is FDB's family nickname for him, so if you're calling a grown man that in front of everyone including his colleagues, family and even strangers, then one might assume he is likely either your biological family or your romantic partner. (For comparison, just imagine calling your s/o their parent's special childhood nickname for them at work.)

4. Deleted lines where FDB calls LLH "xiaohua'er". 小花儿 Xiaohua'er ("little flower") is very intimate and feels like something someone might call a lover. Or, at least, definitely not a platonic shifu, even less so a parental figure. (For meta on the names that LLH & FDB use for one another, see forayuarchive's twitter thread.)

5. More deleted scenes (translated by forayuarchive on twitter), perhaps cut due to censorship, which make apparent LLH's high regard and deep care for FDB. For e.g., a line of internal monologue by LLH in ep 40, translated here by forhenjun, shows that LLH thinks of FDB as the only person in his two lifetimes who has always treated him as a human being rather than putting him on an unfair pedestal.

6. Official MLC accounts act like as if they ship them.

As murderedbyhomework mentioned, there is a song in the official soundtrack of MLC called "Fanghua's Day-to-Day Life" (yes, the exact same words as their ship name). Sounds like a couple's daily domestic life, doesn't it?

The official iQiYi Romance youtube channel lists clips of LLH & FDB under the romance category.

The official MLC douyin account posts MVs with emotional captions (e.g. this one translated here by forayuarchive) that emphasize how much both LLH and FDB mean to one another. Another official MLC douyin calls LLH & FDB the person each other trusts the most.

The MLC clips posted by the official Guangdong TV weibo account also has captions such as these (translated by rice_jpg) that straight up describe FDB's feelings towards LLH as "when you like someone" (very similar CN phrasing as the phrasing used to describe romantic crushes).

7. They are subtly paralleled with a canon straight romantic couple (see fanqxiaobao's twitter thread on the parallels btwn LXY/QWM scenes and certain LLH/FDB scenes). MLC also made a distinct change from the novel by not having FDB get married to Princess Zhaoling, even though the drama could have easily given FDB a romance with her.

8. If you're familiar with chinese romantic tropes or the danmei genre, LLH & FDB fit many common romantic tropes e.g. sharing a drink on the rooftop under the moonlight, forgotten first meeting in childhood (and then meeting again properly as adults), power couple fighting side by side (they even held hands!), nianxia, protective younger ml, sickly older mc - just to name a few. Danmei even has many stories of shizun/shifu & disciple pairings who fall in love as adult equals.

There's honestly lots more but these are just some off the top of my head. Again everyone is free to interpret anything! This is just me explaining why as a native chinese speaker I personally did not read their dynamic as that of a father and son.

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #li lianhua #fang duobing #fanghua #mlc meta #ik i alr made a post abt this but i just wanted to compile everything tgth in one post for my own ref too #full credit to the ops of the sources linked for the translations and meta!!#let me be very clear this is not me telling anyone to ship fanghua!! everyone is free to do/not do whatever they want; fandom is free #and to clarify this is not against feihua/ot3 at all; i multiship too #this post is solely about the 'fdb is llh's son' take #just explaining why shipping them is a valid interpretation given certain nuances in their portrayal

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dancingdorito · 2 months

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i can't emphasize enough how much I want bridgerton season 3 to have colin and penelope being friends just as much as lovers. Like yes of course I was the steamy scenes but also give me deep talks and fully body laughs over inside jokes.

#polin #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton

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esmes · 5 months

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don't mind me - just some rainy day musings bc sweeney todd 2023 has rotted my brain

someone's tags on a gifset got me thinking about 2023 revival lovett and todd and the special something their dynamic has. there's something about this particular iteration of these characters and their relationship, especially as we see it evolve throughout the show (even as we've seen it evolve throughout the show's run), that just makes mrs lovett's betrayal and her death at his hands hit hard. i know, i know - she deserves it. she lies! she's a lying liar. her deceit is no small thing. any one of us would be incensed to have been misled the way she misleads sweeney. even if a small part of her may have done it, as she says, to spare him having to see what became of his lucy, the larger part was certainly to serve her own interests.

but there's something about how close mrs lovett gets to bringing sweeney around to her this time that just gets me carried away. they're not just business partners - they're lovers, they're co-conspirators, and they're sort of each other's only friend in the world. at this point, he indulges her flights of fancy. they know each other intimately. they joke with each other! he's likely had to listen to countless hours of her prattling on about her thoughts, hopes, and wishes. this is a man who, at this point in the show, is slitting people's throats without remorse. and yet he spends the evening on the sofa cleaning his pipe while he patiently listens to his girlfriend rave about a seaside wedding. when she takes his hand, he doesn't wrench himself from her grasp like he used to. he doesn't get up and walk out, which he could do. he accepts her - her presence, her company, her warmth. he may struggle to admit it to himself, but he does. he can concede that he loves her - just a little bit, though he can't quite bring himself to say the words. sweeney is fiercely loyal to lucy's memory, so much so that he clearly couldn't ever wholly give his heart to someone else, but, in that moment after "by the sea", you can see that he's softened toward lovett. they were both alone a long time before this, after all.

it's not the stuff of great love songs, but it's something. it's almost enough.

this is what ultimately makes the final living moments between them all the more heartbreaking. mrs lovett has always been a sympathetic character to me - a villain, sure, but not without her reasons. she's a woman alone in a brutal world. whether the character is an older or a younger iteration, she's been alone for a desperately long time. when sweeney returns to her after all this time, she sees her moment and she takes it. she's not letting her second chance at life get away from her without a few claw marks.

when sweeney kills her, he sheds no tears over it - but the grudging fondness we'd seen him beginning to feel toward her only serves to emphasize how monstrous of a deception it is. his "you LIED to me" comes out in an anguished roar. when he throws her in that oven, all the light goes out from the world. it takes my breath away every time. though it should, it doesn’t quite feel like justice.

i know not everyone loves annaleigh's interpretation, but i have maintained from the first time i saw this revival that the warmth she brings, the honeyed, deluded, comical sweetness that lures sweeney into believing life with her could be tolerable, if not ideal, was a brilliant choice.

that's why the leap into hell together works for me. some productions have had sweeneys that barely tolerate their lovetts, so a cold diverging of paths makes sense. these two definitely fall into a different category. it makes sense to me for this sweeney and lovett's ultimate fate to be each other. who else would it be? lucy did nothing wrong - she's not going where he's going. having made lovett pay for her lies, they can head on down (hand in unlovable hand!!!!!!!) to live out the almost-enough life they created with each other. and sure, her chirping his ear off for eternity would certainly make an appropriate punishment for his crimes.

#sweeney todd #long post #lord but i do go on!#mrs lovett and i have this in common #i've enjoyed them since i discovered the show in 2006 and they are very much My Brand #but i really do just feel a deep fondness for j&a's todd/lovett antics #and any other production whose sweeney/lovett Go There #also soz to reference the movie but #the moment where hbc's lovett echoes sweeney's 'life is for the alive my dear' back at him? perfection #'maybe not like i dreamed. maybe not like you remember. but we could get by.' perfection. no notes.#anyway the girlies that get it get it #otp: if you only knew

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lloydfrontera · 6 months

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wait lmao what I didn't know there was such a skip. I'm sorry this is comedy to me. so you're telling me they have this crazy ass dimension-jumping shenanigans with Javier tearing up as he finally finds Lloyd, his best friend, the most important person in his life, while it's a mutual statement for the both of them, and then we get no dialogue. and skip to Lloyd getting shoved into a hetero romance with no build up. sorry I can't believe this is real. this sounds like a joke and I choose to treat is as such. this is the most hilarious ending and the marriage now feels even more out of place hdufiskaoa9o

OH MY FUCKING GOD RIGHT?!?!?!! it is weird isn't it???? i'm not being crazy for feeling like it's a weird ass choice??? i felt like i was going insane!! i swear to god i felt like i was being gaslighted when i read it!!! there was no way that was the ending!! there was no way that ch 401 ended with one of the most romantic and heartfelt scenes i have ever read and then the next chapter just????? did a time skip where none of that was acknowledged and lloyd was just fucking married off to alicia??? completely off-screen if i may add!

i made a post about it before but i simply need to rant all over again oh my god

general warning for spoilers because i'm about to dissect the entire novel through a llojavi lens

AGAIN. SPOILERS WARNING FOR THE ENDING OF TGED.

i literally cannot express how much of a mid fuck it is when you realize that lloyd and javier's relationship is very much Thee Slowburn of tged. like. this is an indisputable fact. even if you don't think there's anything romantic between them, which, holy fuck that's such a fucking reach one must be really be in denial to not see it but whatever, even then you simply cannot argue that their relationship isn't the most important one in the entire story.

javier is the very first person lloyd talks to in the first chapter. he's the first person that welcomes him into his new life. he's the one he has to work the hardest to endear himself to. he's the one he spends the most time with. he's the one that follows him around literally everywhere he goes.

from the very beginning their relationship is given a special attention that few other things get in the plot.

through the entire story we get constant moments of them getting to know each other as people and getting closer as a result. they're constantly in each other's thoughts, which is very natural as they're in each other's company almost 24/7. it is actually hard to find a chapter where they not talking to each other or at the very least together. i cannot emphasize enough how,,, enmeshed and entangled they are with one another as characters. i mean it when i say they are a set do not separate them.

it takes lloyd 222 chapters to even admit to himself that javier is his friend and that he wants to keep him safe not because he's the protagonist of the story or useful to him or anything like that but simply because he cares for him and doesn't want him to die. because, and i quote, 'he thought he'd always be with javier for the rest of his life. just like now, he thought they'd spend all their time together moving forward. and like they always did, they'd be by each other's side during hard times. happy moments. relaxed days. they'd share all these moments as they exchanged insults and corny jokes, growing old as a lazy lord of a fiefdom and his knight. lloyd always thought so. the thought just came naturally, without much effort from him, much like breathing. lloyd believed that javier would always remain by his side as that was how it had been until now.' (ch222) <- actual textual quote. btw. if you even care.

and then. it takes javier 320 chapters, a hundred chapters more, to realize that he cares about lloyd much more than a knight cares about his lord's son. because he, and once again i quote, 'is [his] true master in [his] heart. lloyd was his friend. and now, javier wanted to protect lloyd. he would sincerely protect him with everything he had.' <- this is, if i may add some context, said as javier is fighting against a goddamn angel, literally heaven's will, to protect lloyd. after figuring out lloyd is a fake. that he's been lying to javier for several years about almost everything including who he is. and yet. this is what javier feels for him.

they are the definition of a slowburn. it takes them this long to even admit they are friends. and this is with us getting to see them together almost every chapter of the way. we get to see every step of the way. we see their relationship develop with all manner of detail.

and then. when you think you cannot get even more dramatic about them. guess what the major conflict of the plot is. guess fucking what the last obstacle for the story to get a happy ending is.

let me set the scene for you:

lloyd has just finished the jewel of truth, the artifact that will get him the answer he seeks on how to stop the restoration of fate, how he can stop destiny from making the original events of the novel come true and destroy everything he has worked and kill everyone he loves. he has javier at his side, who rushed to join him underwater to make sure he was safe and sound while using it, and he can't help but fondly think how lucky he is to have javier, who is loyal and true and has never abandoned him.

a quote of lloyd's thoughts in this scene:

That’s why, you bastard. I’m going to take care of you until the very end. Once I, your wise and older friend, solve the restoration of destiny problem, you’re going to enjoy the rest of your life by my side in peace. [...] He smiled at Javier and thought to himself. You’re my only friend, Javier. I couldn’t have overcome all the obstacles in front of me without your help. So, my trustworthy and reliable comrade, stick with me until I become a lazy lord and you become my personal guard. I hope we will be able to grow old together… -ch 327

as you can see. he's once again planning on spending the rest of his life with javier. canonically. not even an interpretation this is straight up textual i cannot emphasize enough

and then. the jewel of truth gives him the answer. how to stop the restoration of fate. it's very easy. very simple solution in fact.

either lloyd or javier have to die or otherwise vanish from existence.

that's it. there can only be one protagonist in the world and because of everything lloyd has done he's now being acknowledged by fate as the protagonist of the story along with javier. which cannot stand.

so that's the only thing stopping lloyd from getting his happy ending. he just,,, has to either kill his best friend or kill himself.

let me rephrase this from a narrative perspective: the major conflict of the story is now lloyd facing either the choice of letting everything he's achieved and everyone he loves be destroyed. losing his best friend, the person he cares the most about and has been developing an extremely close relationship through the entire plot. or dying himself.

lloyd of course then spends the rest of the plot trying to find a way to avoid having to die. that's literally what the rest of the novel is about. lloyd trying by all means possible seeking a way to not having to die. because at no point, does he ever consider letting javier die in his place even an option. he doesn't want to die of course, but he never saw javier sacrificing himself as the solution to that problem.

the entire conflict of the last part of the novel is lloyd finding a way for him and javier to be able to remain together without either of them having to sacrifice their lives for the other.

he doesn't succeed.

they end up in a battle down in hell where both of them try to give for one another leading to this absolutely delightful parallel

so fucking tasty oh my god i still go crazy when i see this set of illustrations actually

lloyd wins btw. he gets to sacrifice his life for javier. to javier's absolute heartbreak.

but lloyd doesn't die. he does end up stuck in korea tho, a place he would've rather died than go back to, so he has that going on for him. he's back in his goshiwon, absolutely heartbroken and without knowing what to do.

and then we end up with that scene. javier at his doorstep, having crossed dimensions, tearing up as he sees him and tells him how much he's missed him, looking at him with this face:

now. let's pause here. let's take a moment. take in everything i've just explained. everything that has happened to get to this point.

be honest with me. what would you say is the most natural way the story can progress from here.

take into account all that i have recounted and that i skipped so many other things of the same nature so we wouldn't be here all day.

what do you as a reader would expect to happen next

well, i'll tell you:

cut to black we're now an unspecified amount of time later lloyd has already had all the important conversations we've been waiting to see the entire time off screen and is now preparing himself for his wedding to alicia that we will also not get to see by the way

and you know what the funniest thing is. you know what is the cherry on top.

fucking guess who's the last person we see him talk with.

guess who's the person he ends the novel sharing a smile with.

yeah. Yeah.

i really don't know what else to say. i don't know how else to explain how insane this feels. how incredibly dissonant it comes across. i don't want to use the worse gaslighting like this but it's the closest word i can find to describe what it feels like. i feel like i'm being told something is happening when i can see with my own eyes it is not. or rather that i'm seeing something happen and i'm being told that no it is not and that i'm making it up.

i don't know what bk moon was going for. i really don't. especially when this is what he has to say about chapter 401 aka the chapter with javier coming to find lloyd in korea

clearly he feels very strongly about this scene too. it's the one he's been wanting to show the most, he must have analyzed it from every angle possible, must have put special care to get across what he wanted to convey with it.

so why does it feel like the last true chapter of the novel is meant to,,, undercut the feeling of it?? it almost feels as if the last chapter is telling us 'yeah yeah those two are extremely devoted to each other and would and have given their lives for one another and plan on growing old at each other's sides but don't worry :) it's nothing more than them being pals :) just two guys being really good friends :) see, lloyd is even getting married to a woman that's his real happy ending he's not gay or anything :)'

and this is not me saying that two friends cannot be devoted to each other. absolutely not of course friends can love each other platonically and that be more than enough to justify their devotion to one another.

but. it feels weird when the entire novel is dedicated to building up the relationship between lloyd and javier, taking so much time to make us really feel like their relationship is growing at a realistic pace, take almost 3/4 of the novel to even make them come to terms with how much they care for one another, spend actual years following their development,,, and then make lloyd just marry someone else. someone the novel really didn't spend enough time with to justify him developing feels for her.

this is not a diss against alicia i have nothing against her i just don't... buy that lloyd developed romantic feelings for her. much less that he acted on them that easily.

this is a man who took 222 chapters and several years in-universe to even accept that javier, the person he spent all day with, with whom he spoke almost every single day, who he had risked his life for and had been saved by several times at that point, was even his friend.

and now i'm expected to believe he's in love with someone else who, by comparison, he meets a couple of times and spends a little amount of time with.

well. i don't! it's not in character, it wasn't properly built up in the text and truthfully they don't have enough chemistry to make up for it.

i don't know what happened there. i don't know why bk moon decided to add a romance when the novel didn't need it. i don't know why he chose to make it happen between two characters that didn't have a relationship as deep as the one he spent the entire novel building up and promoting as the most important one. which may i add was between his two protagonists. y'know. the ones the novel is supposed to be centered around.

i don't know. i don't know what happened. i don't know if it was censorship, last minute panic, fear of opposition or rejection or actual obliviousness to what he had written looked like, i simply do not know.

i really hope it wasn't homophobia tho that would absolutely suck lmao

but uh. yeah. i do think the ending is very funny when you put it like that askhdsjkfds

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #tged spoilers #lloyd frontera #llojavi #javier asrahan #long post #i don't what happened i started typing and suddenly all of this came out of me #i was possessed #most of what i said here i have said before but it's now all in one post #and i have So Much left to say about this topic but i really cannot make this post longer i am so embarrassed already aksjdhk #i feel a little hollow i need to shitpost to get back to normal oh my god #this is. why it takes me so long to answer asks btw. i literally cannot shut up.#i apologize but i cannot promise to change

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warabidakihime · 1 year

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Resilience in the Rain

Characters: ADA!Dazai x Reader Synopsis: Amidst the downpour of life's trials, they found solace in each other's embrace within the quiet halls of the deserted Agency office. Alone, their love became a shelter in the storm, nurturing their resilience and kindling a flame of hope that could withstand any tempest. Trigger/Content Warning: This story contains themes of emotional distress, self-hatred, guilt, vulnerability, suicidal tendencies, self-harm, and suicide. It explores complex emotions and may depict scenes that involve these sensitive topics. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, please reach out to a mental health professional or helpline. A/N: I wanted to take a moment to chat with you about this fanfic. As someone who struggles with mental health, I've got a personal connection to the topic, and I really want to explore it in my own way. Mental health is important, and I want to raise awareness and offer some comfort to anyone who's going through a tough time.

Now, I gotta be real with you. This story touches on some heavy stuff. We're talking about emotions running wild, self-hatred, guilt, and all that messy stuff. It even dives into subjects like suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and suicide. But listen, I'm not here to glamorize or make light of these things. Instead, I wanna shed light on the struggles people face and emphasize the importance of seeking help and understanding.

While you're reading, please take care of yourself. If anything gets too overwhelming, reach out to a mental health pro or helpline. Remember, you're not alone, and there are folks out there who care and wanna help.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. Let's spread some awareness, empathy, and support for mental health, one chapter at a time!

P.S this wasn't proof read, so i'm sorry for any inconsistency. i was making this in the office lol.

The rain poured relentlessly, drenching the streets of Yokohama as the Armed Detective Agency headquarters stood steadfast amidst the downpour. After a particularly grueling mission, you couldn't contain your concerns and frustrations any longer. You found Dazai nursing his wounds in a dimly lit corner of the headquarters, a faint smile dancing on his lips. Meanwhile Kunikida and the others have already returned to their respectful dorms.

You approached him, your voice laced with worry. "Osamu, until when are you going to keep this up?"

Dazai glanced up, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Ah, my dear Y/N, are you worried about me? How sweet. But rest assured, I'm always one step away from the edge, and yet, I remain standing."

Dazai, with his usual nonchalant demeanor, brushed off your very valid concerns with another dark joke, but this time, it only fueled the fire within you. Your frustration reached its boiling point, and your voice rose, shaking with sheer frustration.

"Osamu!" you shouted, your voice echoing through the room. "Enough with the jokes and deflections! This isn't a game! Do you even realize how much your self-destruction tears me apart? How useless it makes me feel that I can't do anything to help you, despite giving my all?"

Dazai's mask faltered, revealing a flicker of vulnerability as your words struck home. But before he could respond, you continued, your voice filled with raw emotion.

"I love you, damn it! I love you more than anything, and yet you push me away with your reckless behavior. How can you disregard your own life, knowing that I'm right here, willing to stand by your side? It hurts, Osamu, to see you care so little about yourself, even when you have someone who would give anything to keep you safe!"

Your voice wavered, tears streaming down your face as you poured out your heart. The room grew heavy with silence as the weight of your words hung in the air. The truth had been laid bare, leaving Dazai with no choice but to confront the pain he had inflicted.

Dazai's eyes widened, his carefree facade crumbling further. He reached out, but the words escaped him, his throat tight with remorse. The realization of the magnitude of his actions crashed over him like a tidal wave, shattering the walls he had built.

"I... I didn't..." Dazai stammered, his voice barely a whisper.

But you weren't done yet. You took a step closer, your voice filled with a mix of anguish and determination.

"I can't watch you destroy yourself anymore, Osamu," you said, your voice firm. "I can't keep picking up the pieces of your shattered soul, only for you to throw them aside again. You need to make a choice, for your own sake and your sake only. Don’t you think it’s time to break this vicious cycle?"

Dazai's eyes glistened with unshed tears, his mask finally crumbling completely.

Venom started to bubble in his throat, causing him to hesitate before opening his mouth. Regret, self-hatred, helplessness, and guilt devoured him as he gazed at you through seemingly indifferent eyes that now glistened with unshed tears. The weight of your words, the pain etched on your face, and the love that had long been overshadowed by darkness crashed over him, leaving him vulnerable and broken.

In that moment, the walls he had built around his heart crumbled, and the armor he wore so proudly shattered, exposing the rawness of his emotions to the one person who had managed to touch his soul. You watched him, your heart aching but also hopeful. This was the moment of reckoning, the catalyst for change. You reached out, your hand hovering over his trembling shoulder, a silent offer of support.

"Osamu, my love," you said, your voice soft yet resolute. "You and I both know this can't go on. Sooner or later, we have to move forward. I'm not rushing you to heal, but I am urging you to start. Not just for me, but most especially for yourself."

The room fell into a heavy silence as Dazai wrestled with his emotions. Tears welled up in his eyes, the weight of his actions crashing down upon him. He sank to his knees, his trembling hands covering his face, trying to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume him.

In that vulnerable moment, you approached him, your heart breaking for the man you loved. You knelt down beside him, your hand gently resting on his shoulder. Dazai looked up, his tear-streaked face revealing the pain he had long kept hidden.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he choked out, his voice raw and filled with regret. "I didn't realize how much my actions were hurting you. I never intended to make you feel useless or unimportant."

You swallowed the lump in your throat, your own tears mingling with the raindrops falling outside. "Osamu, it's not about being useless. It's about sharing the burden and supporting each other through the darkest moments. I can't fix you, but I can be there for you. But you have to let me in."

Dazai clutched at your hand, his grip desperate yet filled with hope. "Y/N, I know where you're coming from; it's just that I've been a coward, avoiding the truth about myself and my emotions. I've been a bigger idiot for finding comfort in stagnation. But I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to face my fears, confront my flaws, and become the best version of myself."

The weight of his words hung in the air, a fragile promise of a brighter future. You both knew that healing wouldn't happen overnight and that the journey ahead would be filled with challenges and setbacks. But as you looked into Dazai's eyes, you saw a newfound determination, a flicker of the man he could and can become.

The rain had finally ceased, leaving behind a tranquil atmosphere in the aftermath of the storm. The Armed Detective Agency headquarters, once filled with tension, now carried a sense of calmness. You and Dazai found yourselves seeking serendipity in each other's presence, finding comfort in the quiet moments shared between the two of you.

As the last rays of moonlight filtered through the window, casting a gentle glow across the room, you approached Dazai. Your eyes met, and a silent understanding passed between them. Without a word, you reached out and cupped his face tenderly, your thumb caressing his cheeks.

With a tender smile, you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It started as a simple connection, a way to affirm your love and draw strength from one another, as well as a promise that you would never, ever leave his side. As the kiss deepened, fueled by the pent-up emotions and desire, it threatened to escalate into something more fervent.

Yet, in that moment of intense connection, you pulled away, your breath mingling with Dazai's. You gazed into each other's eyes, your chests rising and falling in synchrony. You continue to graze your fingertips on Dazai's cheek, tracing the lines of his face as if committing every detail to memory.

He leaned into the touch, a soft sigh escaping his lips. The weariness of the day, both physically and emotionally, weighed heavily on you both. The two of you had weathered the storm together and fought your battles, and now it was time to find solace in each other's arms.

His eyes searched yours, his gaze filled with a mixture of love, possessiveness, and a tinge of insecurity. His emotions, usually hidden behind a facade of nonchalance, were now laid bare before you.

"I love you, Y/N," Dazai whispered, his voice tinged with a hint of desperation. "More than anything in this world, I can't bear the thought of losing you."

His words, filled with a newfound intensity, sent shivers down your spine. His usual cool and collected aura had transformed into a mix of passion and a touch of distress.

But instead of being scared or overwhelmed, you welcomed and embraced his heightened emotions. You understood that Dazai's love for you was profound, a force that consumed him and left him vulnerable. And you were more than ready to reciprocate, to ease his worries and soothe his restless soul.

"Osamu," you whispered, "I'm here, right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

His grip on you tightened ever so slightly, as if afraid that you might disappear if he let go. You leaned in, your lips grazing his ear as you whispered, "You are the only one for me, Osamu. No matter what happens, I'll always be by your side."

As your words sank in, Dazai's tense posture began to relax. He realized that his fears and insecurities were unwarranted and that you were steadfast in your love for him. With a mix of relief and renewed determination, he kissed you once more, his lips conveying a mixture of passion and adoration.

The world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you immersed in a bubble of love and trust. The room seemed to melt into a blur of colors as your bodies swayed with an unspoken rhythm, your connection deepening with every touch and caress.

As the kiss finally broke, you both were left breathless, your foreheads still pressed together. Dazai looked into your eyes, a mixture of vulnerability and adoration shining through his gaze.

"I don’t deserve you; you’re way too precious for someone like me, but thank you for loving me despite my flaws and for seeing the best in me. I promise to cherish you, protect you, and be the best version of myself for you," he murmured, his voice filled with reverence and devotion.

As tears welled up in your eyes, you were overcome by the profoundness of his words and the genuine emotion in his voice. "Deserve is such a powerful word, Osamu. There are countless individuals who are just as imperfect as we are, yet that doesn't automatically make us inherently wicked, right? I love every aspect of you, the parts you deem as flaws and virtues alike," you declared, your voice brimming with unwavering love.

Your words hung in the air, wrapping around them like a promise. In that intimate moment, both of you found strength, renewal, and a shared understanding. You knew the path ahead wouldn't be easy, but together, you were ready to face the challenges and forge a future built on love, trust, and healing.

With a smile, Dazai leaned in once again, capturing your lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It was a celebration of your love and an affirmation of the bond you had forged through the trials you faced.

And in that transformative moment, Dazai Osamu felt the weight of his burdens lift, liberated from the shackles that had bound him for so long. And it was all thanks to you.

After an eventful day at the ADA office, you and Dazai finally retreated to the comfort of your apartment, seeking peace and quiet. The chilly evening air prompted you to opt for a heartwarming hotpot dinner, a perfect choice to warm your souls.

As you set the table with an array of fresh ingredients and fragrant broths, Dazai made a sly gesture, revealing a hidden stash of sake. Your eyebrows shot up in a mixture of surprise and amusement, realizing the ungodly amount of alcohol he had squirreled away. With a deadpan expression, you couldn't help but playfully scold him for his excess.

You knew that part of Dazai's healing journey involved acknowledging and breaking free from his unhealthy habits, and excessive drinking was one of them. With genuine concern, you made it clear to him that going forward, he needed to be mindful of his alcohol intake. Dazai's playful pout surfaced, but beneath it, he understood and appreciated your intentions. He promised to be more mindful of his health, realizing the importance of taking care of himself.

As the evening unfolded, the apartment filled with a harmonious symphony of laughter and lighthearted banter. You and Dazai reveled in each other's company, sharing inside jokes and good-natured jabs. The stresses of the day melted away, replaced by a sense of comfort and contentment.

With every hearty slurp of hotpot and every sip of sake, the bond between you grew stronger. The shared meal became a symbol of nourishment not only for the body but also for the soul. As the day drew to a close, you found solace in the simple pleasures of being together, basking in the warmth of laughter and the undeniable connection that bound you.

#this is pretty much self-indulging lol #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x reader #osamu dazai #dazai fluff #dazai comfort #dazai x you #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs dazai #osamu dazai x you #i want this for me ngl

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punkeropercyjackson · 13 days

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In general white queer Atsv fans seem to be under the impression the poc of the Spidercast have to basically be turned white personality and presentation wise to act queer which is very harmful at worst and really annoying at best.Sorry not sorry but Miles is never gonna have some Love,Simon shit going on with Hobie and he dosen't need a bi awakening considering that realistically he probably knows he's bi already by online things and extra not sorry but trans boy Miles is nothing like M.cu Peter who's the actual disgrace on the Spiderman legacy Miles haters think Miles is and if Miles needs a queer awakening by another Spiderperson,she'd be a trans girl egg that was cracked by Gwen and it makes way more sense than 'Hobie gives Miles his first gay panic' and i can't emphasize enough how much Punkflower is more like a lot of poc4poc m/f ships than they are any bland white gay ones and Miles dosen't even have to be transfem in the context for it to be accurate

Much like this,a significant amount of Ghostflower content has Miles acting white to make it conform to norms rather than a proper transmasc4transfem couple i.e existing completely outside of cisheteronormativity and Gwen is self-inserted into by certain people in the fandom who can't accept she's not a racist weirdo like them but a genuinely realistic and awesome trans girl who's good to the characters of color and that the jealousy scene was ooc and only existed to make Gwen look bad and screw over Margo even further and it's important to note she's never been mean to Margo nor expressed actual dislike of her as a person.Margo is magically not part of the poly Spiderband despite deadass being Miles' crush and when black queer women BUILT the lgbt community and Pavitr is basically had microaggressions thrown at him nonstop by feminizing him because white westerners don't know what actual positive masculinity instead of praising men for the bare minimum is or anything about indian culture that's not the chai joke

Spiderd*ds is so fucking gringocore and as a Peter B selfshipper since 2018 y'all've made it impossible to like the newer fan content of him and i feel so bad for Miguel because he dosen't even seem to like Peter B all that much seeing as their ONE scene was him being DIRECTLY annoyed by him and showing it unlike Margo and Gwen who don't have real beef but every fandom needs it's nonexistent in canon smut fest with racism injected into it ig.Jessica's canon trans in the comics but like Margo,y'all're no blacks and women dni in bio types

And Hobie.Good fucking GOD,white punks and white people with punk fetishises can't act right.Next mf to make a they/them Hobie joke is seeing stars,Prowlerp*nk is on my shitlist purely because Miles G is made into a violent tsundere by everybody who ships it and i never wanna hear about how the super darkskin black character should've been aroace instead of the center of romantic attention to BOTH mcs.Hobie is a black transsexual,not your papable lil trans gag character and the sweetest,gentlest person ever who's a consent king and that's right there in the text by his relathionship with Gwen and oh btw,yeah,they ARE dating and he has way more reasons to be into her than he does any white boys cause he stays having a thing for transfems and i'm giving major sideeye to black Gwen being nonexistent for multiple reasons too when it's so fitting and such a no brainer take

Point is:Be better.Stop acting like poc have to whitewash ourselves to be queer.You ain't slick

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khaire-traveler · 8 months

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Hello, me again! And I want to make the same question about Hermes, so how you see Hermes? I have a difficult to see he because he is a god with very attributes and this make me a little confusing sometimes, thanks!

Hello, thank you for asking again on this account! 🧡

This is all based on my personal experience. Some worshippers have very different experiences with him than what I have, and the gods will always adjust to whomever is interacting with them. It's almost always a different experience for everyone, but I'll do my best to explain what I have personally seen Hermes as.

For me, Hermes has always been an extremely helpful and friendly presence in my life. He is always there when I need him, and he seems to genuinely enjoy helping people with their problems. When I communicate with him, he always knows how (and when) to make me laugh and make a serious subject seem a little less scary. Hermes is frequently busy, in my experience, likely due to having so many domains of influence, but he is never too busy to listen to me or even lend a hand when I'm most in need. It's something I have a deep appreciation for.

Hermes tends to be lighthearted and breezy, but there is deep wisdom to him as well. He is extremely intelligent and comes up with solutions to problems in the most creative way I've ever seen. He encouraged me to listen to myself and my own judgement, above all else - even above his judgment - but that's also a lesson that's part of my personal journey, so I'm not sure if he does this with others. He can be really cunning, and when I'm communicating with him, he sometimes drops hints at things in a clever way that I wouldn't notice unless I was looking for it. Sometimes he's also played pranks on me, but they've never been harmful or anything, just lighthearted jokes to make me laugh.

Hermes is often depicted as just being the Silly Mailman™, but he is SO much more than that. He is a friend to animals, a guide to souls, a beacon of hope in a hopeless place - he is so many wonderful things that often go overlooked within modern media. He is a complex figure, as all gods and people are, and there are many facets to him that can't be easily described by mere words.

If you're considering worshipping or working with Hermes, my personal bias will always have me encouraging that. If it feels right and good to you, I highly recommend it. Hermes is an amazing god to know, especially closely, and he will literally always rise above any expectations you might already have for him. Hermes is an amazing god, and I seriously cannot emphasize that enough.

I hope this answered your question! Have a wonderful day/night. 🧡☺️

#hermes deity #hermes worship #helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #asks #answered asks #hellenic pantheon #deity worship

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gattnk · 10 months

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It's hard to forget Ang-Lì and Mefisto, for the oddest reasons.

These two were unlucky enough to become cut content in the cartoon, and I can see why: the cast was huge, the new plot had a stronger focus on the protagonists, and sadly Ang-Lì and Mefisto were sort of... tertiary in the comics. While it seems like the comic was just about to pick up the pace with them, it got discontinued right before they got their moment to shine. I did my best to take all of this into account, and here's my resulting notes on the redesign process:

I dug up all I could about these two to make sure I understood their characters as much as possible, since the comics themselves shared very little. Finding the extra content that came with the comics was crucial (the original printed issues included all sorts of cool stuff you'd expect from kid magazines at the time).

I noticed how Ang-Lì is usually very enthusiastic in the comic, often cracking a joke or two mid conversation, and he also has a passion for earthly comic books. I gave him pretty plain clothes to contrast with his joking nature, represented by the yellow-orange. This way the color and his personality really pop up!

According to the extra content, Mefisto's super laidback about most things, with the exception of music: he's a metalhead who may or may not pirate his favorite Earth bands, who's also the vocalist of the devils, and can't make it through the day without his headphones. So I just went with the classic metalhead look: dark shirt, washed jeans, wallet chain and thick wristbands. The duller colors go really well with all the green hair, it doesn't feel like too much.

I tried to emphasize their interests with their accessories since their clothes are quite plain compared to the other redesigns. Since Mefisto's headphones are so important to him, they also had to pop out, hence the orange, white and toxic green. In the meantime, Ang-Lì's kicks are a pun of sorts: he keeps the jokes running. lol.

Turns out Ang-Lì's mascot is a stick bug, who knew? He keeps it in his shirt pocket like a pencil, as a bit of a joke. Meanwhile Mefisto places his gecko mascot on his wallet chain, like those lizard keychain bottle openers that used to be popular in the 2000s. I thought it represented their respective natures well.

I actively chose to swap Mefisto's skin color. The devils could use a bit more variety, honestly, and it still holds homage to his old color palette. Besides, you don't see many black metalheads in media and that's a shame! Rock on my metal siblings!

Ang-Lì had a pretty solid design from the start that still holds up well, so the biggest personal change was the haircut. everything else (clothes aside) I kept pretty much the same.

That would be it for these two! Honestly, keeping their character essence was particularly easy, compared to my other redesigns (yes, even easier than Raf/Sulfus). Even with the little content we have, all in all they're pretty solid characters! So yeah, they deserved to be brought back. I did my best to give them the spotlight more often in my script, let's see if I do them justice!

I'll Fly With You (rewrite fic) Art masterpost

#my art tag #angel's friends #angels friends #IFWY #character redesign #ang-li #mefisto

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tmblrcolouredpaper · 1 year

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Fuck You

Bang Chan/ Reader

established relationship; argument; mental health issues; angst and cuddles

wc: 2809

'Fuck you!'

'Fuck me? Sure, sure, it's me who screwed up here.'

'Who else if not you?'

'You can't be serious.'

'Do I look like I'm joking?'

'Just fuck YOU!'

He basically yelled the last word to emphasize how done he was with your behavior.

It all started with a mild disagreement about how you did not handle a comment by one of your mutual friends well.

In Chan's opinion it was nothing to freak out about.

Lee Know just observed and expressed that you preferred comfortable clothes when he saw you sitting down at the table in the restaurant wearing bigger clothes than you usually would.

There was no judgment in his statement, but still, it made your mood turn 180 degrees, leaving a sulking quiete you back there.

Once Chan entered the apartment with you following some steps behind him, you went straight to the bathroom, taking a shower and going to bed.

He did his night routine, trying to take his mind off, but he felt kinda restless, neither wanting you to go to sleep in a bad mood nor wanting himself to be unaware of what was going in your head.

So he stepped inside the shared bedroom after he was done and simply spoke into the dark room that he would like you to come to the living room to talk.

He plopped down on the sofa, always looking behind him to see when you would come.

Some minutes later you sleepy figure approached him saying:'I'm tired.', but still proceeding to sit next to Chan.

You talked about the incidence.

He explained to you his point of view and clarified that there was no bad intention from Lee Know.

It bothered him how you were not aware of that, since you knew the younger one.

You somewhat saw where he was coming from, but you were stubborn and annoyed of the fact that people had to comment on such a silly thing like clothes in the first place.

That was when the calm talk about a minor misinterpretation started to shift.

'It's not about him saying something about your outfit. It's about the fact that you're starting to hide again.'

'How am I hiding by wearing a casual outfit to a casual dinner with friends?'

'It's not just that. But it's one of the things you started doing again, you know. If you would have been fine with your outfit choices, you wouldn't have been that bothered by his comment.'

'One of the things I started doing again? Chan, I was wearing comfortable clothes, don't make a big deal out of it.'

'You have plenty of other comfortable clothes that aren't extra baggy.'

'So you wished I was choosing prettier clothes?'

'I don't care what you're wearing.'

'Obviously you do care. A lot if it makes you that upset that you prevent me from sleeping when I'm tired after a long day.'

'Don't do this. I just want to clarify what happened, because you were obviously affected by his words.'

'So what am I supposed to do? Dress better so that people stop commenting on my looks?'

He sighed in frustration. He did not want the conversation to be like that. All he wanted was to tell you that you were perfect the way you were and that you did not have hide yourself from the world, that you did not have to be ashamed of yourself in any sense.

'I saw the clothes that you put out before you changed your mind and went for the bigger clothes. I saw when you got really excited some days ago when the others talked about the new Spiderman movie, but then you completely shut down and didn't dare to say a word. It's not just the outfit today, but considering that you enjoy putting a different kind outfit together, it just seems like another aspect of where you're hiding again.'

He looked at you, hoping you now understood that it was about much more than just today's dinner.

'So you're saying I'm not trying hard enough? I'm literally always working on getting over that shit, but how dare I to not be fully confident here and there.'

'I didn't say that-'

'It's just clothes, it's just a movie, it could be so much worse, why do you have to bring that up now?'

'Because you are clearly bothered.'

'So what. Happens.'

'I told you, don't do that.'

'What?'

'Being so fucking emotionless.'

You looked at him. He did not just say that, did he?

'Fuck you.', you said not looking at him, done with this bullshit of a conversation.

'Fuck me?', he could not believe that you were being so immature right now.

'Sure, sure, it's me who screwed up here.', he continued sarcastically, angry at you for not even considering the idea that he just wanted to help you.

'Who else if not you?'

A rhetorical question. You were so pissed that he always had to be so nosy, not letting you be and sort your stuff out by yourself, he always wanted to be part of it.

'You can't be serious.', he stated in complete disbelief.

'Do I look like I'm joking?', you asked. If you hated something more than not being left alone, then it was not being taken seriously.

'Just fuck YOU!', he yelled, hurt by your ignorance.

It was silent after that.

You fucked up and you knew it.

He was always soft and caring, he did not yell at you, so when he did just now you were not angry anymore, you were not absorbed by your own insecurities that slowly got the best of again, making you lose focus on anything around you and even Chan's feelings.

You did not feel sorry, you did not feel much, not having the capacity to do so, but you knew you were wrong for acting the way you did.

'Chan?', you asked in a low voice, glancing over to him.

He sat there with straight posture, both hands placed on his knees, eyes focused on something only he could concentrate on somewhere in front of him, not moving an inch, maybe still in shock of what just happened.

'I'm sorry.', he whispered.

'No, Chan, I-', you tried to bring out words to calm him down, but you knew he was strict on himself and he would be hard on himself for yelling at you.

You scooted over to him and laid your arms around him, engulfing him in a hug.

He did not move, but eventually after some minutes in silence and deep breaths of shock, he let his body melt into yours, followed by his arms that he quickly circled around your shoulders.

'I'm so sorry.', he sniffled.

'I know, Chan.', you said, caressing his head in a soothing manner.

'I'm sorry too.', you told him.

'Do you mean it?', he asked.

'Not really, I don't really feel it, but I am sorry if I made you frustrated. I don't want to make you feel bad in any way.', you confessed.

He tightened his arms around you, pulling you even closer.

'How bad is it again?'

You knew he referred to your mental state, without particularly naming it.

'I don't know.', you sighed.

'I-... Sometimes-', you looked down, shaking your head, unable to express yourself.

He placed a kiss on your temple.

'It's fine. You wanna try talking about it now or calm down first?', he asked, searching for the most comfortable option.

'Now.', you said. 'I just don't know where to start, I don't know if I can explain it to you well enough.'

'Whichever words feel right to you. I will give my best to understand, okay? I'm here.', he assured.

Silence.

He saw you looking around the room, as if you were searching for something.

'Was there a reason why you went so quite when they were talking about the movie?', he tried giving you a topic to start with.

You leaned into his embrace a bit more, as if you were hiding from the world.

'I wanted to watch the movie in the cinema. I couldn't bring myself to actually do it.'

He hummed in anticipation, caressing some hair out of your face.

'It's not a big deal, I know it. I'm not even scared or anything. I just didn't go and then I was disappointed that I didn't.', you explained.

'But you didn't panic or anything?', he asked in confusion.

'No. I didn't even try.'

He caressed you back up and down.

Silence.

'Chan-'

'Hmm.'

'I don't wanna talk. It doesn't make sense.'

'What doesn't make sense?'

'This.', you said, pushing away from him.

'What do you mean?', he asked, remaining the confusion.

'I didn't feel like anything was up. I was only annoyed of that comment today. The movie thing is more like I didn't prioritize my own wish for watching it.

Nothing is up. Everything is fine. Just you trying to make a point by analyzing my psyche based on a few interpretations-... I-... I was just scared because you yelled. You don't just yell. I thought if you're that frustrated that you start yelling, it must mean you actually think something is wrong and I trust your feeling for that, but now talking about it-... I don't think it's getting worse. Everything is fine.', you explained and threw in big gestures unintentionally.

'Maybe I misinterpreted things.', he said and you nodded, still sitting up straight, not leaning into him to have a better position for reading his face.

You truly believed that the points he brought up were not indicators for a worsen health condition of yours and you felt relieved that the conversation seemed to be over, you just wanted to go to sleep.

So you just sat there, on the sofa next to Chan.

You waited patiently for him to do something, maybe to get up and do his night routine, anything, it did not matter what, you just waited for him to initiate any change of the current situation you were in.

You were not hiding nowadays, you were passive.

You were present without putting yourself out there as much as you would become the center of attention for even a second.

Considering that exactly that happened today, it was no surprise that the comment that drew attention to you had a bigger impact than it would have had normally.

Chan did not move away to do anything else, but stayed in the same position.

You were unaware of him observing you closely.

He meant it when he surrendered and said he might have misinterpreted your behavior, but the feeling that you did not feel a hundred percent did not leave him.

He knew you and sometimes it was easier to see what was going on from the outside by just going through the list of signs than experiencing struggles yourself that overwhelm you until you were almost completely numb.

'Let's go to bed, shall we?', he asked.

'Yes.', you answered in relief that you were allowed to leave the situation.

Once you were back in the dark bedroom covered by blankets and snuggled into Chan's body you fell asleep.

However Chan was still awake for a long time.

Too much was on his mind: The guilt he felt for yelling at you, he would never do that again, never, his own stress got the best of him as well, but he would not excuse his actions in any way;

the worry about your health that was obviously worse compared to some month ago and the fact that you said yourself that you did not feel anything much made obvious that you needed more support again;

besides those two point there was also his constant fear of finally being rejected by you after all, because he knew he was a lot and maybe too much and at the same time not enough.

What if you would break up with him? Who would be by your side helping you? How was he supposed to catch any sleep again without you calming him down?

'Chan?', you grunted half asleep.

'Yes?', he responded in surprise.

'Stop worrying andjustsleep.', you proceeded to mumble falling asleep again while talking.

'Okay.', he whispered and nuzzled his head in between your shoulder and neck in an attempt to distract himself.

He felt much more relaxed when your warmth surrounded his senses and he pressed his eyes together to not let any tear slip out that wanted to stream down his cheeks.

The try of regulating his breath to become slow and more even was interrupted by your hand combing his messy locks.

Your weight shifted as you rolled on your back.

'Come here.', you whispered and tucked on the black hoodie your boyfriend was wearing to signal him to lay down on top of you.

He quickly sat up and pulled the fabric over his head and threw it on the ground before he let himself rest on top of you without forgetting to grab the blanket that covered both of you again after some seconds of the position change.

'It's comfier like this.', he blurted out and made you giggle.

He felt your hand on his bare back, first drawing circles then going up and down slowly.

'I love you.', he heard you whisper and then felt your lips on his forehead that was close to your chin as his head rested on your upper body.

It was the last straw and he let his tears escape.

'Chan, no, it's okay.', you cooed, holding him close.

'I just-... It's sooo hard to- to se you going through it again. And I- I', he stuttered, 'I am so scared of losing you, I know I'm not doing well enough, I'm so so s-s-sorry... please just- just, please-'

'Chan', he heard you saying, interrupting his mumbling.

'You are doing well. You're just overthinking, don't stress yourself like this, okay?', you tried to assure him still caressing his skin.

'I can't lose you.', he whispered as if saying it out loud and clear would make it become reality in an instant.

You interrupted the steady movements on his back and places your palms on both side of his head what caused him to look up to you.

With a deep stare in his eyes you said: 'You don't. You won't. I promise.'

He pushed his body up and freed himself from your touch transitioning to hovering above you without breaking eye contact once.

The sudden move surprised you and you just laid there looking at him, not sure what to say or do.

He believed you, he wanted nothing more than trusting in your words and he knew he could do so.

However it did not stop his worries just like that.

He shifted to the side and sank his lower body onto the mattress while keeping his upper body up with the weight on one arm.

Carefully he adjusted the blanket that fell to the side due to his movements.

Once you were covered again, he pushed some strands of your hair to the side and caressed your cheeks.

He saw the goosebumps creeping over your skin.

'I just want you to be happy.', he whispered and looked down on you with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

He saw how you reached out to grab his hand and went along by taking yours.

He wanted you to be closer, but at the same time he wanted to see your face.

It broke his heart a little when he saw how absent you looked like. It was beyond the tiredness of the end of a day.

He felt your grip tightening around his palm and you whispered:

'I'm trying-'

He saw you closing your eye and taking a deep breath.

'I don't know how- I- I'm sorry.'

He knew he could not do much. As much as he wanted to give you the whole world, he knew it would not help.

He could just be there and hope that was at least something.

So, he robbed closer and gathered your body in his embrace that you immediately welcomed by snuggling into him.

He closed his arms around you and dropped down on the bed.

'There is nothing to be sorry about. You're working so hard to get better, I know. It must be frustrating, hm?'

He felt you nodding.

He knew it was not about him here. It was not about getting his desire to help satisfied, it was about you feeling better again.

'How are you feeling?', he asked and caressed your head.

'Tired. Just tired.'

'Wanna talk about it tomorrow?'

'Yes, please.'

'Okay. Anything I can do for you now?'

'You're here. That's already more than enough.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

#skz fanfic #skz x reader #bang chan #kpop fanfic #gif #kpop imagines #skz imagines #bang chan imagines #kpop scenarios #skz scenarios #sorry for any typos

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fandomfluffandfuck · 1 year

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I can't get away from the thought of Chris Evans in glasses. I reblogged that older drabble earlier, but I'm still thinking about him in those 😮‍💨😮‍💨

What if he really needs glasses now?

What if he feels a little self-conscious about needing them? Joking to Sebastian that he really is an old man now after it soaks in, wearing them for the first week or so.

What if Sebastian makes sure Chris never feels self-conscious about it again by sitting him on the couch or in a lazy chair, getting him a beer, making him spread his legs comfortably wide, and then... settling in his lap to worship him? Seb starts by touching Chris over his clothes and slowly, slowly, slowly strips him. Opening his jeans and dragging them down his thighs. Rucking up his shirt before outright getting him out of it. Messing up his hair. All without taking off his glasses. He makes sure to leave those exactly where they are.

Sebastian is a little bashful about it--he's always had that shy streak in him--but he runs his mouth the whole time, telling Chris how much he loves how he looks with those frames. Sebastian is touching him all over, yeah, but between moving to new areas, he gets his hand on that nice, square jaw. Stroking his beard, holding onto his face, and looking him right in the eyes as he speaks. The glasses emphasize his gorgeous eyes. They look perfect with his bone structure. They do make him look older, yeah, but it's hot as hell. Respectfully, he looks distinguished. Unrespectually, he looks Daddy™️.

It's a drawn-out afternoon of touching and talking, slow yet intense. Dragging it out until they're both sweating and clinging to each other. Kissing their lips raw (especially Sebastian's lips, have you seen Chris' beard? It's soft, but after going at it for so long... there's nothing to be done 😮‍💨).

And before long, Chris is groaning, low, with his whole chest, and he's jerking his hips up into Sebastian's fist. He's breathing heavily. His eyes keep sliding shut until Sebastian reminds him not to and then those lashes flutter back open.

Sebastian has to reward him for such good behavior, so he smirks and melts down between Chris' legs to get his mouth around his throbbing, dripping cock.

Against the tip of his cock he murmurs, "I can't resist when you look like this, I'll do anything you want."

Chris groans again, reverberating through his entire chest, "ah, Jesus, Seb!" His glasses slide down his handsome nose as he stares hungrily down at Seb between his thighs.

Sebastian pulls off with an obscene slurp, fisting the base of his cock just tight enough, about to tell Chris to fix his glasses when--

Chris does it first, his hands shaking as he adjusts them.

Mmm-hmm.

He looks fucking good.

"C'mon," Sebastian murmurs, lips hot and slick against his shaft, "gimme it. Wanna see your face when you cum in glasses," he adds a soft little, "please?" just to hear Chris' low whimper. Chris can't help himself. Seb just begs too pretty.

It's over in a hot, explosive moment. Most of it Sebastian swallows but he's also a fucking menace and so he lets some of Chris' release paint his slick, kiss-swollen, lazy-open mouth. Looking up at Chris from under his lashes, focused on how his eyebrows come together under the frames of his new glasses and how his eyes close tight, savoring the pleasure. Flushed red.

He is too goddamn hot.

And--

Jesus fuck, fine, fine, Chris thinks as he recovers, panting, he doesn't hate the glasses.

#fandomfluffandfuck #chris evans #sebastian stan #evanstan #rpf #real person fanfiction

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shinycollarboneapologist · 8 months

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taylorverse!girlie and matty getting tipsy and dancing at some afterparty being all cute and giggly 🥰🥹 and the boys will definitely make fun of matty but he doesn’t care bc he’s obsessed w his girl <33

this is so can i ask you a question coded with a little bit of fearless?

you blame the tequila. the tequila and the sheer shirt he's wearing that emphasizes the darkened ink of his tattoos. he's ephemeral; only yours for the pregnant pause between jokes, or the general lulls in conversation that make you realize just how much the liquor is effecting your system. but with each fleeting glance, you feel your heart swell. it works overtime to pump, exerting itself a bit more to cast a heat in your cheeks.

his hand wraps around your wrist as he pulls himself onto the table you're currently dancing on. if he was in any better shape, he would've stopped himself from uttering: "bitches love an elevated surface, and i'm bitches."

its a horrible joke, one that has you drunkenly roll your eyes and catch yourself on his shoulder. but it still has you giggling. he still has you giggling.

his gaze is hungry; yet not darkened by the animalistic nature that usually accompanies his blown out pupils. he looks giddy. he gazes upon you with a glint in his eye, hungry for the rush of serotonin he gets from being near you. from touching your slick skin and feeling your alcohol tainted lips mouth the words to the pitbull song against his heated skin. he's flushed.

your laugh permeates the thumping bass as he spins you around and pulls your back into his chest. he giggles with you, he can't help it. your demeanor is infectious, your aura is addicting. he can't get enough of you, he never will. and even though he knows this moment is fleeting, he's never felt more at ease or more in touch with himself. you bring out the best in him.

so he ignores the flashes of his friends phones as you both scream the lyrics to a cheesy y2k pop hit. he disregards the way they laugh at the two of you tangled up in one another, its all in good fun, as you sway to the songs and bask in the limelight of one another. he pushes away the nagging thoughts of how they're going to rib him for this one at rehearsals tomorrow.

and intstead, he enjoys the small snippet of a moment he gets to just be himself with the person he loves.

#idk how i feel abt this #but i wrote it :D #💭 - matty.

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who-is-page · 3 months

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just wanted to say that I really loved the centaurus festival. it was the push I think I needed to actually start like making stuff about my alterhumanity. bc before it I had a Massive imposter syndrome, I thought that my experiences didn't matter at all, like I'm just a grain of salt compared to like beings like you who are older and more experienced and are more like 'relevant' to the community. but seeing you guys making jokes, interacting with us like we are (gasp) equals, and being giant nerds (aff) was. so important to me. like. you are just some guys.

anyways I'm not really good with words and especially not in English (as you can probably tell), so I was thinking that I could contribute with art. after all, pictures speak more than words sometimes! I wanna draw. I wanna make comics. I wanna make Stuff, ya know? so thank you, for making me feel like I can. that's all.

This was such a wonderful ask to receive that I had to sit on it for a day before posting. 💚🤍💜 Aaaaaa!!! It's really amazing to hear that you're feeling comfortable making stuff about your alterhumanity and feel encouraged to do so. Making stuff is cool as hell!!! I look forward to whatever stuff you make!!!!! (Please send it to me when you're done I would totally love to see it and archive it!!! ‼️👀‼️#FeedYourArchivists con movement)

And yeah, we truly are Just Some Nerds, the same as everyone else. Our experiences and writings/art/etc aren't inherently any more valuable than someone else's, no matter how much we might make or how old we might be. I'm really glad that that was a major take away for you and for some of the other folks I've talked to, because all community creations are important and I really can't emphasize that enough. No one can write or draw or sing about your experiences the same way you can! You're a wholly unique person and all your autobiographical work will ALSO be wholly unique and isn't that cool as fuck?

Aaaaaaaaa thank you so much for this ask, anon!!!!!! I'm still reeling in recovery mode from running the con, but this was really really awesome to see. It's been amazing to see some of the works people have been making from being inspired by the con. It's so wild to feel like I've helped folks and made a difference. And it's been SO COOL to read what people have been sending me. I can't thank you and everyone else enough for joining us and making this weekend absolutely magical. 💚🤍💜

#ask #anonymous #centaurus festival

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stranger-fanfiction-n-things · 3 months

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CHAPTER 2: THE WEIRDO ON MAPLE STREET

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: Tommy is an a**hole. Has anyone ever felt like Diana? Where you want to say so much but the words get caught in your throat? Being envious of people who are able to speak their minds so freely. There is a little moment with Jonathan. I can't wait to expand on Diana's relationship with him. Also, the power of persuasion is Nancy Wheeler.

Warnings: Mentions of violence. Bullying. Dustin's charm.

Word Count: 2764

Masterlist

PART I || PART II || PART III

HAWKINS HIGH

“When alpha particles go through gold foil, they become…”

“Unoccupied space.” Nancy and I say.

Nancy, Barb and I walk down the hall doing some last-minute studying before Kaminsky’s test. I feel jittery and nervous even though I know I’m prepared for the test with the amount of studying I did last night. Barb flips through another one of my flash cards.

“A molecule that can—Hey!”

Out of nowhere, Steve snatches the stack out of her hand before she can finish. Tommy H and Carol are close by snickering at Steve who walks ahead of us shuffling through my cards, mixing up the colours.

“Hey!” Nancy calls, rushing after him.

Barb and I follow behind stopping beside Nancy and Steve in the middle of the main hallway. I frown at Tommy H sticking his finger in Barb’s ear. She rolls her shoulders to move his hand away while Carol laughs.

“I think you’ve studied enough, Nance.” He says, looking down at her with a smile. “I’m telling you, you know, you got this. Don’t worry.”

It is clear he went to her house last night to help her study. I watch him shove my flash cards in his back pocket and stick out my hand.

“Can I have my cards back, please?”

Steve glances down at me and pulls the stack from his pocket. He hands them to me, lips curling to a small smile.

“Sorry, I thought they were Nancy’s.”

“Thank you.” I say, taking them back.

I walk to Barb standing beside her, far away from Steve, Tommy H and Carol and begin to reorganize my flash cards.

“Now, on to more important matters,” Steve begins and I give him a look under my bangs which goes unnoticed as he smiles at Nancy. “My dad has left town on a conference and my mom’s gone with him, cause, you know, she doesn’t trust him.”

“Good call,” Tommy jokes. I wrinkle my nose at the comment. Steve ignores him staring at Nancy expectantly.

“So, are you in?”

“In for what?” Nancy asks.

“No parents? Big house?” Carol says, her tone is laced with condescend.

“A party?”

“Ding, ding, ding!”

“It’s Tuesday,” I blurt out.

“It’s Tuesday,” Tommy mocks me. “Oh my God.” Carol and Tommy laugh at me. Steve smiles nudging him.

“Come on. It’ll be lowkey. It’ll just be us.” He emphasizes us to include Barb and I. “What do you say? Are you in or are you out?”

Never in a million years did I think Steve Harrington would invite us to his house much less for a party. I look at Barb. It’s obvious Steve only invited us because he knows Nancy will not go to his house alone. I stifle a groan at the thought of hanging out past school hours with Tommy H and Carol. I would much rather study for Kaminsky’s test again than do that.

“Oh, God. Look,” Carol says interrupting my thoughts.

I turn around and see from across the hall, Jonathan Byers pinning a piece of paper to the bulletin board. A missing persons photo. My stomach is in knots looking at the photo of Will smiling. I haven’t spoken to Jonathan since finding out about Will’s disappearance. I don’t know what to say or how to be there for him. I can’t begin to understand what Jonathan is going through right now. I’ve known Jonathan for nearly as long as Nancy and see him around at school. Our brothers are best friends but I barely talk to him.

“Oh, God, that’s depressing.” Steve mutters.

“Should we say something?” Nancy asks.

“I don’t think he speaks.” Carol replies, chewing obnoxiously on bubble gum. I want to take the piece of gum out of her mouth and throw it at her.

“How much you want to bet he killed him?” Tommy mumbles.

I flinch stepping back on my feet. Barb touches my shoulder looking down at me with concern. I close my eyes again counting down from five and take a deep breath, but I don’t feel any better. If anything, I feel worse. For Tommy to insinuate something so vile is a new low even for him.

“Ignore him, Diana. He’s just being a douchebag.” Barb mutters.

I stand rigid under Barb’s touch, squeezing my eyes together. My stomach clenches from the force of my restraint.

“What’s up with you, Princess?”

I open my eyes, turning my head to Tommy. There’s a playful glint in his eyes that reminds me of a predator stalking its prey. I clench my jaw finding his amusement appalling. He’s challenging me, knowing I won’t say how I really feel. I never do; no matter how many times he taunts and provokes me. I feel Barb drawing circles around my shoulder in efforts to keep me calm.

“Nothing.” I mutter under my breath.

Tommy grins, satisfied with my answer. I shake my head feeling disappointed in myself. His brother, my little brother’s best friend, is missing you insufferable asshole. The least you could be is compassionate. I want to shout at Tommy H, but again I stay silent. Why is it so hard to say how I feel? Why can’t I stand up for myself? I look at Nancy talking to Jonathan. Nancy is always brave and not afraid to take risks. She always speaks her mind and is unapologetic about it. I can’t hold eye contact for too long without wanting to disappear. I have been dancing at The Academy my whole life and I still struggle to make friends.

My chin trembles and I bite my lip to keep from crying. From the corner of my eye, I feel Steve watching me and it takes everything in me to not look at him. Thankfully, the bell rings and I blink several times to push down the tears threatening to fall.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

I lift my chin, forcing myself to smile. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Attention, faculty and students. At 8:00 pm, tonight, there will be an assembly on the football field in support of Will Byers and his family. All are encouraged to attend. Volunteer sign-ups for search parties are still available in the office.

I look over my shoulder at Jonathan. He lingers by the bulletin board staring at the picture of Will. Sensing someone is looking at him, he turns his head meeting my gaze. I bite my lip and wave at him. Jonathan lifts his hand in acknowledgement before walking out the front doors.

WHEELER RESIDENCE

I stare at the white ceiling with my knees bent to my chest. I extend my left leg outward, keeping my right knee bent and begin to draw circles with my knee. I breathe in and out deeply, relaxing my muscles in my hips to feel the stretch. Coming straight home after school is something I will never get used to. I don’t know how Nancy can stand it after having a specific routine all her life. Home. School. Dance. Repeat. I feel restless. By now, I would be finished barre with Madame Petrovna and ready for rehearsal. I close my eyes and switch my leg to repeat the stretch.

“Diana.”

“Hm?”

“I was thinking,” Nancy begins, her bed creaks and I can assume she’s moving closer. “…about the party tonight.”

“Oh, no.” I groan, opening my eyes.

Nancy is perched on her arms, peering down at me from her bed. She bites her lip.

“We should go.”

I release my leg sitting up on my elbows. My long hair unravels from its low bun. “No, no—”

“—You, me, and Barb!”

“Absolutely not.”

Nancy gives me a puppy dog look.

“Why not?”

I sit up, crossing my legs and unwrap my hair tie from my hair. “Because I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Nancy whines.

“Will is still missing and if he was abducted, the person who took him could still be out there.”

Nancy sits up, rolling her eyes. “Oh, c’mon.”

“I’m serious, Nance.” I say, combing my fingers through my hair. The fact that they still haven’t found Will scares me. “Besides, my parents won’t let me go to a party on a school night.”

“Just tell your parents you’re sleeping over tonight.”

“They’ll know I’m lying! I don’t have any clothes to wear.”

I stand up and walk to her floor-length mirror, observing how I look. It was colder today and I feel extra cozy in my oversized baby blue sweater and matching leggings. My white socks are frilly and soft against my feet. I pull the waist band higher on my torso before fixing my hair. Nancy pushes herself to the edge of her bed watching me.

“Please? I don’t want to go by myself.”

“I’ve never lied to my parents before.”

It’s true. I haven’t. I have a really good relationship with my parents and would never want to betray their trust. I’ve heard stories of other kids getting into bad arguments with their parents, some even got kicked out of their homes. The thought of talking back to my parents was just that. A thought. I can’t imagine doing it. Mom and Dad don’t argue. At least not in front of us. Barb says I’m a goody-two shoes, but I just don’t want to ever disappoint my parents.

“You won’t be lying because when we come back from the party, you can sleepover anyways.”

I give her a look through the mirror. I refuse to lie to my parents to go to Steve Harrington’s house. It was clear he only invited Barb and I because he knows Nancy won’t come without us which puts us in a compromising position.

“Do you have any ChapStick?” I ask, brushing my fingertips against my lips.

Nancy reaches over to her nightstand and opens her drawer. She stands up from her bed and hands me the ChapStick. I pull off the cap and apply some on my lips. Nancy watches me from the mirror with her hands crossed above her chest.

“What?” I say, eying her.

“If Barb comes, will you come then?”

“Sure,” I shrug, rubbing my lips together. I know Barb doesn’t want to go either.

“Fine. I’m calling her right now.”

Nancy sits on her bed with her blue phone on her lap. She quickly punches Barbs number and picks up the receiver. On the third ring, Barb picks up. I stand with my hands on my hips waiting.

“Barb!” Nancy exclaims, looking at me. “I’m trying to convince Diana to go to Steve’s party, but she’ll only go if you go.”

I hear Barbs muffled voice. Nancy deflates.

“Told you.” I mouth. Nancy sticks out her tongue.

“C’mon Barb, please?” Nancy begs. She waits for Barb to respond. “Because I don’t want to go by myself. You’re coming, okay? I want you both there with me.”

I turn back to the mirror to fix my hair again.

“Barb, it’s not rocket science. You just tell your parents you’re gonna stay at my place afterwards.” Nancy says. “No, tell them we’re…studying or actually,” she smiles. “There’s going to be an assembly tonight for Will, tell them you’re going! That’s a better excuse. They won’t be suspicious. Di and I are going to tell our parents about it.”

My jaw drops. This can’t be happening.

“Nancy! Diana! Dinner!” Mrs. Wheeler calls.

“Coming!” Nancy and I reply.

“I’ll see you in an hour, bye.”

I am speechless as Nancy puts down the phone. She grins at me, squealing in excitement.

“I really don’t want to go, Nance.” I whine.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” She says, walking to her door.

I highly doubt that. I follow behind Nancy feeling a little betrayed by Barb because now I have to lie to my parents to go to a party. As I enter the hallway, I hear Mike, Dustin and my brother quietly arguing in a circle about what? I don’t know. Upon seeing me, Mike perks up waving frantically.

“Hi, Diana!”

I wave cautiously. “Hi, Mike.”

Lucas spins around, eyes wide in alarm. “What are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you too,” I mumble, wrinkling my nose at his tone.

“I’m sorry. Hi!” he greets. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m hanging out with Nancy…” I squint at him and the boys. They seem weirder than usual. More antsy and fidgety. “What’s up with you guys?”

“Nothing!” Lucas responds quickly. “We’re fine. Just really hungry, right guys?”

Mike and Dustin nod their heads in unison. My frown deepens and I look back at Nancy who rolls her eyes.

“They’re so weird,” she mutters.

Mike and my brother run past us, except Dustin who lingers, with a gummy smile on his face.

“Hi, Diana,” he greets shyly.

“Hi, Dustin.” I smile.

“You look very pretty today.”

“Aw, thank you, Dustin. I like your hat.”

His cheeks turn pink. “Thank you.”

“Please stop hitting on my sister.” Lucas hisses, standing at the top of the stairs. He scowls at Dustin. If looks could kill…

“I’m not hitting on her. I’m complimenting her.”

“Please stop complimenting my sister.”

“I can’t.” Dustin says walking past Nancy and I. “I’m a gentleman.”

“You’re gross is what you are.”

Another day. Another quiet dinner. Mrs. Wheeler made meatloaf, with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. I sit across from Nancy beside Mr. Wheeler. He seems to be the only person at the table enjoying his dinner. I feel bad because Mrs. Wheeler always makes good food, but I can’t stop thinking about this stupid party and the fact that I need to call my parents. I smash a green bean with my fork watching green juice ooze out in between the grooves and peer around the table. Mike, Dustin and Lucas have been weird since I saw them upstairs. Usually, they were loud and obnoxious when they’re altogether. They’ve barely said more than three words to each other since dinner started.

“Something wrong with the meatloaf?” Mrs. Wheeler asks.

“Oh, no. I had two bologna sandwiches for lunch.” Dustin answers with a smile. It slowly fades. “I don’t know why.”

“Me too.” Lucas adds, smiling politely.

I squint. Lucas told me upstairs he and the boys were hungry. I glance around the table again at their long faces. Mike looks the most dejected. I sigh inwardly, feeling sorry for the boys. Maybe the disappearance of Will was beginning to weigh down on them.

“It’s delicious, mommy.” Nancy says, though she has barely eaten as well.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

Nancy plays with her mashed potatoes. “So, there’s this special assembly thing tonight for Will at the school field. Barb’s driving.”

“Why am I just hearing about this?”

Here we go.

“I thought you knew.” Nancy says innocently.

Mrs. Wheeler shakes her head. “I told you; I don’t want you out after dark until Will is found.”

I give Nancy a pointed look. I would vocally agree with Mrs. Wheeler if I wasn’t sucked into Nancy’s plan. I still believe it’s not safe for anyone to be outside.

“I know.” Nancy agrees. “I know, but it’ll be super weird if I’m not there. I mean everyone’s going.”

Mrs. Wheeler turns her head. “Are you going, Diana?”

I quickly nod my head. “Yes, Mrs. Wheeler. My parents said I could.” I lie. I hate how easy it feels.

Mrs. Wheeler is quiet for a moment and I am waiting for her to burst out yelling at us for lying to her. Instead, she sighs shaking her head.

“Just be back by 10:00pm.”

Nancy smiles. The little food in my stomach turns to lead, but I force a smile on my face.

“Why don’t you take the boys, too?”

“No!” The boys shout.

“Mmm-mmm,” Lucas hums, shaking his head.

It’s the most life I’ve seen in them all dinner. Nancy and I look at each other and then the boys. My brow arches in suspicion and I watch Mike reach for his glass of milk.

Mrs. Wheeler’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Don’t you think you should be there? For Will?”

All of a sudden, Mike is blowing milk all over himself and Dustin is slamming his fists against the table. Lucas looks like he just saw a ghost. Holly is crying. Nancy is annoyed with Dustin for making Holly cry. Mrs. Wheeler looks taken aback but is too distracted by Holly to ask any questions. I’m trying to wrap my head around what happened and Mr. Wheeler is still in his own world enjoying his dinner.

NEXT -> PART III

#stranger things rewrite #black fem reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #dianasinclair #eddie munson x black!reader #steve harrington x black!reader #sinclair!reader #eddie munson x female reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x sinclair!reader #eddie munson x sinclair!reader

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