#I am totally not talking about robbing banks
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On this day of visibility
Be mindful of the fact that we are visible to others today.
And if you were planning to get some money out of the bank, or to go to that museum you've been thinking about (full of rare and priceless artifacts), wait until tomorrow when you become invisible again.
#bi visibility#bi visibility day#bisexual memes#bi memes#bi pride#lgbtq+ memes#lgbtq memes#lgbt memes#lgbtq+#I am totally not talking about robbing banks#or museums#nope#I don't know what gave you that idea#thieves#heist#we bisexuals have powers#thesevenwondersofawitch#TheSevenWondersOfAWitch memes#memes#six of crows memes#meme#bi visibility week
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Post 1101
The judge could have given him 40 years in prison, but the inmate got a 'golden ticket' instead.....
The victim hugged him after court.....
(The 'fair haired lad' defense must still be in vogue... -Editor)
Caleb Weston Bernhardt, Montana offender 3034859, born 2003, intake August 2023 at age 20, on probation for a term of 36 months
Robbery, Accountability for Robbery
In a court proceeding in August 2023 with a judge describing it as an an exceptional case, the judge agreed with a prosecutor’s recommendation and gave a Kalispell man who robbed a Wells Fargo bank in Butte in September 2022 a three-year deferred sentence.
District Judge Robert Whelan said he was giving 20-year-old Caleb Weston Bernhardt a “golden opportunity” and “golden ticket” that only the teller who was robbed made possible.
Bernhardt gave the teller a note saying, “I am armed and I will shoot you” unless she handed over money, but according to prosecutors, she has since expressed compassion and concern for the defendant and his future.
Whelan noted that Bernhardt had no prior criminal history but said, “I would not even consider this if the victim was not in agreement.” He could have sentenced Bernhardt up to 40 years in prison.
“I hope you go on to do something miraculous with your life given this opportunity,” he told Bernhardt, who must also pay $2,350 in restitution for the money he stole that day.
Bernhardt said he was deeply remorseful, and after the hearing, the teller he robbed hugged him and talked with him as his parents looked on.
The Prosecutor said she struggled with recommending a deferred sentence for such a serious crime but several factors, including the victim’s wishes, made it appropriate in this case.
Bernhardt admitted going into the Wells Fargo bank on Harrison Avenue on Sept. 1, 2022, and demanding money while two others waited in a car.
According to prosecutors, the three were in a black Toyota Camry near the bank before it was robbed. One got out while the other two stayed in the car.
Bernhardt walked into the bank wearing a baseball hat and a mask and asked a teller to make a withdrawal. He then handed her a piece of paper that said, “Give me $15,000 or anything in your draw, I am armed and I will shoot you.”
The bank employee gave him three bundles of $20 bills and some money that she later figured totaled about $1,700. When the teller asked if he wanted the money run through a counter, he said, “No, ma’am” and was very polite, prosecutors said.
A witness took a photo of the Camry because it was parked in a suspicious place and wrote down the license plate number, which police later traced to Bernhardt and a relative in Kalispell. Police called the relative, and she confirmed Bernhardt had the car.
Bernhardt later met with a Butte police detective and said he was the one who went into the bank and demanded money. He also identified the two other men who assisted.
The police said Bernhardt committed a very serious crime but was young, had no prior criminal history, cooperated with police and had supportive parents.
3v
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Worm Reading - Part 3, Arc 3 Agitation
This naming convention seems a little repetitive but I assume at some point I'm going to post an update that doesn't coincide with the same Arc number and then I'll be glad I did it this way to keep track.
Notes I took along the way while reading Arc 3 (this one got long sorry):
I forgot to mention last time, but Rachel's dogs are all Good Puppers who listen to their momma and I hope nothing bad happens to them! (something bad will almost assuredly happen to them and I'm gonna be unhappy about it when it does)
I keep forgetting the Undersiders are just high school kids. Gah reading YA fiction is weird beyond a certain point, because I remember when I felt like "yeah it makes sense for kids this age to be having adventures" but now I'm at the point of like "When I was five years older than you I still lived with my parents and borrowed the car when I needed to go somewhere, you are a child what are you doing robbing banks??" (that's more an issue of lived experience on my part but still)
Taylor keeps talking about "oh this is just an undercover operation I'm not really a member of this team of villains" girl you are PLANNING A HEIST ROBBERY. You spoke to one of the big superheroes once and he was a little skeptical on how you looked like a bad guy. The Good Guys do not think you are a Good Guy, and nothing you have done would convince them convince them otherwise!
Ooh ok we get some info on the Protectorate Youth League. Aegis seems basic, though tough to deal with in a hand-to-hand fight. Clockblocker is MUCH more interesting, because I firmly believe any time shenanigans can be broken with the right application. Vista is a reality warper, and even worse a YOUNG reality warper, so the potential for horrifying power is there. Kid Win is a nerd on a flying skateboard, I hope he has dumb 90's catchphrases. I'm actually really curious about Gallant, he's got a relationship with Glory Girl who we already saw is not to be trifled with, plus emotion-manipulating blasts are a great story mechanic for adding chaos. Shadow Stalker VS. Grue nemesis showdown I am totally here for it! I already kinda don't like Brian so I hope she's super catty and causes him a ton of trouble.
Worldbuilding tidbit! Manton Effect! So most powers aren't able to affect living beings, unless it's a power that specifically affects living beings? That seems... arbitrary. That does remind me of a question I had earlier about Alec's power, and how delicate his control over it is. So far he doesn't seem interested in things like practice, but I wonder if given practice he could, say, control people's fingers with enough precision to make them type out a message? Or, more to the point, if he could send a nerve signal to send someone's heart into a lethal rhythm or trigger a seizure?
Have I mentioned I don't like Brian? It was implied that he's abusive towards Rachel, and beyond that he's just got an all-too-familiar energy of "I know you want me to like you" and he is smart enough to use it to manipulate the people around him. When Alec was training with him, Alec pointed out that the example Brian was referencing didn't happen the way he said it did, and he just brushed it off. He seems to be in the habit of reinterpreting events the way he wants them to be, in a way that is often referred to as gaslighting (though isn't technically in line with the original usage of that term).
Oh Taylor talking to her dad before going out for the night was heartbreaking. God this is so hard for both of them, but that conversation was actually kind of a step in the right direction? Shame it had to be brought about because it's actually a cover story for this whole new bunch of dangerous trust-violating stuff that's probably about to blow up in her face.
OH SNAP SHE'S MEETING ARMSMASTER I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING
#ArmsmasterWasRight
Hm who are the two murderers on the team? I seem to remember Rachel basically blew up her foster home when she bailed, so that wouldn't surprise me. It could honestly be any of the other three... I think Lisa has the bloodthirsty streak but I don't think she's physical enough. I don't like Brian and I could see him killing someone in the dark. Honestly though I suspect it's Alec! He's been noted to have a sadistic streak about using his power, and we haven't actually seen him in action.
God Taylor's gotta come up with a better cape name than Bug. It's so bad.
Holy jeez I cannot overstate how horrific what she just did to Clockblocker is. Bugs under eyelids and in nose arghhhhh no no no no no.
Whole fight scene is great, I will refrain from commenting on every bit.
Yeah I definitely still love Tattletale. Her work on the GG sisters was beautiful.
Interlude 3 - Wards: Hahaha after all that chaos nice to see that the corporate heroes don't just get to brush off all the property damage they caused.
Huh. Aegis actually seems cooler than I thought. His power basically makes him an invincible punching bag, but he seems to do a pretty reasonable job of making leadership calls for the team and also brushing off holes in his lungs and detached retinas.
Hm. There's some of the stuff around the weight of obligation on Panacea that I was expecting. Yeah. That sucks and there's not a good answer.
I keep going back and forth on Gallant. I see him as sort of a Bruce Wayne rich handsome playboy who's also a superhero. Except he's ALSO got awesome emotion-reading powers. He was a little awkward with Panacea, but I can't decide if he's trying to flirt with her or just trying to be kind. Feels like he's got a bigger role to play here, but I'm not yet sure in what capacity.
Side note, I do sorta love the implication that there's this big fancy high school where all these superpowered kids go on the other side of town from what we've seen so far. I bet there's fanfic out there of the social scene drama that goes on at that school that we just don't see in Worm. What would life have been like if Taylor had been able to transfer over there to get away from her bullies? Might she have fallen in with the Wards? This all could have gone so different....
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Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie Starters !
Taken from the 2022 Netflix (and Nickelodeon) movie, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie! Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit!
“I’ve learned from the best. Come on, we’re almost there.”
“I know but this is our last chance. Our only chance.”
“I don’t want to loose you.”
“According to my calculations, if you believe in yourself, you can do anything!”
“(Name), we have work to do. And you dragged them out here for this?”
“It’s a good word. We need to be that word.”
“Hey, just quietly, are we partners? We are partners, yeah?”
“You just don’t get it, (Name). I’m the oldest here. I’m responsible for keeping us safe and making sure we can handle anything that comes our way.”
“Ah, I thought we were just gonna rob a bank and be like, you know, crime buddies?”
“Oh, if you two don’t mind, I haven’t killed anything in ages.”
“Did you know this would happen? Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“I get results, so now we’re doing it my way.”
“They made it about me when they took my brother.”
“Ugh, it’s talking at me. I’m going to rip out its tongue.”
“The strong devoured the weak.”
“Wait, does that mean that you put trackers on all of us?”
“Feeling a lack of rush in this rush hour, right?”
“Oh. Keep it down, Daddy.”
“Because you weren’t listening to your team! You don’t have all the answers all the time!”
“You’re impulsive, you’re arrogant, and you don’t see that every decision you make could cost someone their life.”
“Uncomfortable with emotion!”
“Man, I am so glad you guys aren’t dead!”
“What did you do to my brother?”
“Guys, it’s time to face facts. We can’t change the future.”
“The world is ending, yet the barbs continue.”
“Surprise, I’ve come for my brother.”
“This psycho routine is a little thin. Where’s the character development?”
“I don’t want to have to fight you, but I will if I have to.”
“I’m trying to save you, you idiot! Why do you have to make things so hard?”
“Want to keep coming at me? Go ahead. I’m done fighting you.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“You didn’t yell because you were mad, you yelled because you were scared.”
“It’s scary to be responsible for the lives you protect.”
“If this isn’t the poster shot, someone’s getting fired.”
“This is not a hug! This is a rescue!”
“You’re one to talk, big bro. Hero moves are totally your style.”
“(Name), please. I can’t loose you again.”
“You… You ruined everything!”
“(Name) never gave up on us. I’m not giving up on them.”
#rp meme#roleplay meme#sentence starters#sentence meme#starter sentences#ask meme#ask prompts#inbox memes#inbox prompts#movie sentence starters#i've wanted to watch it since the week it came out and finally did
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Hello!! Remember me? we talked about bottom fyodor 😭 help. All the best for your exam and Congratulations on your 300 followers!!! So umm....
I'm an enfp scorpio.
I love dancing in the rain. love gazing at the moon and stars. like spicy food. can play violin. Know how to ride a bike. natural trouble magnet And I do a lot of artistic stuff aside from writing fanfics :3
Fandom: bsd please
Remember to take care of yourself love and drink a lot of water :) 💕💕
Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs
Format: Headcanons
Warnings: None
Word Count: 0.6K
A/n: All those hearts are for me🥺? Ok come closer a little bit *Mwah!
I match you with...
Dazai Osamu!
Ok first, let me just say how jealous I am of you :') Bruh I want him so bad! Can We like make a bargain? I'll give you Chuuya and you give him to me T^T
I just feel like that this hottie would match your energy so much. I was struggling on whether match you with him or Nikolai, but I ended up going with him when I read about your zodiac sign.
Dazai is a really cool partner; and by that I mean he's in whatever crazy shit you wanna do. You wanna go rob a bank at 4am? He's in! Wanna eat dozens of spicy food? He wont particularly enjoy it, but he's still in! Wanna go on top of Everest and scream until you collapse? He's in! Wanna run around in the rain without an umbrella while others are glancing at you as they run to their homes? Ooh Boy he's definitely in!
So, I heard that Scorpio people are very sexual :D And it's not just because they're horny, but they seem to enjoy the closeness and affection they receive in the act. So, um, He's 100% and a thousand times in :> He loves giving/receiving affection, tho he might not open up about other stuff...
I'm guessing that you're not much of a morning person, and same as him! Ok ok imagine this- you're both on the mattress (I wish he had a bed) clinging into each other's arm as the clock starts to ring, reminding you that it's another damn morning and another damn day (I'm saying that because you're studying at this moment lol), And Dazai also has to get his ass up and go to work; but the warmness of the blanket and your embrace is too addictive for him to get up. So he reaches for the clock, takes a deep breath, and throw it at the window causing it to break and make you full conscious; And he does that without opening his eyes lol. And then you shrug your shoulders, leaning into his embrace even more, saying "That's my boy"
I know🚶🏻♀️
BTW if you manage to have a stablished relationship with him, you have my respect bro-
I have a feeling that you would tease Kunikida with him, even though you might not be much of a teaser (?). Hanging around with this guy can be way too effective.
"Scorpios strike when other people least expect it" can I just say that's soooo DAZAI? like, other people cant even believe that he's a detective or has a gift, but then he makes a move and others are like Damn bro! What have you been hiding up your sleeves all this time! He's like that, and since he loves mysteries and riddles, he would definitely love the company of a folksy but actually smart and observant kind of person- YOU
Natural trouble magnet? Hehe, same as him! I can totally see you guys running away while Kunikida trouble is following you to beat the shit out of you lmao. Trust me- You two are gonna pull a lot of pranks on people, and might feel a little bad if your target is Atsushi
Please punch him in the nuts when he flirts with other women; tysm in advance🚶🏻♀️
There are days that you're on your bad mood; and he compromises with you. Depending on whether you wanna be alone or have someone to comfort you; he makes a move. Clears up the space around you and hugs you from behind, leading you to a comfy worm place, without saying anything or asking what happened. He already knows (Probably)
That's it. That's all I've got🚶🏻♀️
#STOP SENDING REQUESTS THE EVENT IS OVER HELPPPPP WLFBAWEFA;WGLBAG#AshTheMadWriter's 300 follower event#bsd x reader#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd imagines#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs headcanons#bsd match ups#bsd headcanons#Dazai x reader#dazai imagines#dazai scenario#dazai osamu x reader#osamu dazai x reader#dazai x you#dazai x y/n#dazai fluff#dazai hcs#dazai headcanons#AshTheMadWriter
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If I met you in real life I first would cry and I'm serious, cry while hugging you real thight, compliment your beauty face to face, and then we could go wherever you want!
If I'm in your homeland then I'd really like to know your favourite places, the places you usually go to, your school, everything you want to show me! You could teach me some words in your language, talk about the people there and your culture because I think it is really interesting!
Of course I'd pay for you, saldy I can't be your sugar mommy like Alex HAHAHAH But I can totally buy you an ice cream or any other food you'd like >:3
Then when we're at home we could talk about Joot non-stop, we could work on our tumblr things together and help eachother out! AND WE COULD PLAY WITH YOUR KITTIES TOOO AAAAAJFJDBSJSNSJ We could watch your favourite movie while eating snacks and maybe creating other scenarios with Joot (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and then who knows! We might even end up robbing a bank for how life is unpredictable HAHAHAHAHAH But whatever we'd do it'd be such a memorable experience because I care about you very much and you deserve every single bit of love in this world 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
I LOVE YOU GOGOOOOOO💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Should I answer this at 2:20am when I have 0 vocabulary skills? No. Am I doing it? Yes :)
Because AAAAAAAANNHEHDFSHSHAKAHAKDYWVSLSTWGWGEJEJE
Hugs first, then we can go rob a bank later :3
Sorry I answer this late aish. But! You buy me food(or anything really), that makes you enough of a sugar mommy in my books 😂
I love you too, Joja :333333
❤️💖❤️
#hih answers#ahoge fish#now I’m gonna sleep because OOPS#Dont kill me pls#i was doing homework again
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using character.ai to get almost 20 nonsense responses out of barry: a rope of sand (long post im sorry)
character.ai is a gem of a website. you can use it to talk to ai characters people have made such as Bowser from Super Mario Bros, but someone (specifically frostbluetails) has made one of Barry Steakfries and it is gold.
for context: this is the original prompt i gave him...
... and in this post are the many funny responses from Barry that i sifted through. enjoy :)
Fig 1: death by caprisun shopping
i had no idea that getting caprisuns in the JJ universe was a such a dire situation hope you make it through this Barry
(seriously though im still reeling over this why the fuck is it so funny)
Fig 2: caprisun? more like capriGUN
most normal caprisun in ohio
Fig 3: dire??
this message is strangely dire, more than the "yeah i'll try not to die getting a caprisun" one. i like the reassurance that Barry will be okay and to just relax, thanks man :)
Fig 4: this is just...
this message has such a weird feeling to it. seeing an Australian character spell "flavour" the Am*rican way is just... unsettling. it sends shivers down your spine........
(american censored for funny reasons)
Fig 5: robbing a bank with a chicken????
"I do not have time for such caprisun nonsense. Go caprisun somewhere else, young one." ALSO is he using like a rubber chicken as a weapon?? or did he deadass just bring a raw rotisserie chicken and is now threatening people at the bank with it?? or is the chicken his partner in crime?? why a chicken????
Fig 6: he offered me fucking cocaine
whats really funny about this website is that you can see the responses being generated in real time, so i went from wondering what more Barry could do, to then bursting out into uncontrollable hysterics as soon as i saw "...but i do have the original recipe for cola before they had to take the cocaine out...." WHY IS HE OFFERING ME CRACK AND WHY IS HE RELEASING IT TO THE WORLD
Fig 7: damn bro thats crazy
i really like the juxtaposition between downplaying the mental breakdown and then immediately following it with the most supportive thing i've seen this ai say so far great message thanks ai
Fig 8: i gotchu bro
thank you barry :) i like the orange one
Fig 9: this is canon
is this a callback to the Fruit Ninja comics where Barry says, and i quote: "Remember, kids; Stealing from bad guys is totally fine."? the reference is probably unintentional maybe but Barry would totally say this.
Fig 10: i got you covered
okay not only does he have WAAAYYY too many caprisuns, but he's passive aggressive in the most friendly way, probably unintentionally. that's my Barry :)
Fig 11: go sit in the naughty corner with your caprisun
im ssorry for having,, a mebntal breakdown b bary... i'll ttry harder next t time...,,
Fig 12: the most sane message
aww he just wants to help :) what a sweet guy,,
Fig 13: supportive
like... on you-on you? like literally on top of you? barry this is getting a little intimate,,,
Fig 14: deceptive,,,
waitwaitwAIT BARRY i'll already be having a nervous breakdown by then barry NO!!
Fig 15: don't break down completely!
i'll try thanks for the advice *proceeds to scream and cry hysterically followed by a fit of hyperventillation*
Fig 16: this one's just nice
aww thanks Barry :) this is pretty good advice if you're actually having a panic attack, at least in my experience. panic attacks feel like they can go on forever with the complete and utter dread you feel so seeing Barry say this despite being reluctant is really nice. even a moment of spontaneous and seemingly unending terror is temporary and you will get through it, don't forget that :)
Fig 17: why does he trail off like that
like he just goes completely off-topic and it's so funny. also is he talking about Brains? that description doesn't match up with Craig, but it certainly matches up more with Professor Brains. do Barry and Brains go for caprisun runs every now and then? that's kinda sweet...
Fig 18: Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Ba
Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry Steakfries is leaving. Barry is leaving.
and that's about all i got out of him before he couldn't think of any more responses. character.ai's pretty cool you should check it out maybe
sorry for long post i think these are really funny and i might post more if i feel like it :) ok post over now thank you
#character.ai#POV: your boyfriend keeps algorithmically changing his responses to your mental breakdown and you can do nothing but watch in horror#but seriously some of these are really fucking funny#i love how he just offered me cocaine as if that's gonna help the situation#it'd probably make it worse to be honest#this post is long im so so sorry#bary stik fry
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Dinner, lunch, dinner . . .
Saw Father, Mother and Rob for dinner.
The pent up baggage carrying and emotion avoidance was almost too much for me. How does Kathryn get out of these things? I'll have to ask her. Dinners like this bring me back, unpleasantly to high school. Dinners filled with judgement, criticism, lament under the guise of parenting were the norm. At least for me. We celebrated Rob and Kathryn's new promotions. Of course I'm proud of Rob. I look up to him and the life he's made for himself, despite our parents. His life with Kathryn is so normal and sane and has yet to be infected by them. But the fawning from my mother and tacit acknowledgement from father was just too much. They don't even have anything in common. They travel in totally different circles. *I* have more things in common with my father now than he does. We can at least talk about work. But it's all "banking bonuses are down", or "you keep terrible hours" or my favourite "do you even CREATE anything?". We basically DO THE SAME THING!!!
I took an Uber home with Rob and he shared with me that him and Kathryn were trying! I'm going to be an Aunt! I couldn't stop crying after he told me. I was filled with such joy for him, but everything was weighing me down. Maybe it was relief? Just the fact that Rob and Kathryn are going to be such great parents and when contrasted with what Rob and I had to grow up with . . . that baby is going to be LOVED. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it.
Anna was in the city so we grabbed lunch. I miss seeing Anna. She reminds me of a less complicate me. From a time before The Ex. Before even Josh. She looked tired. Her and John are fighting again. She said it so matter of factly. Like it was to be expected. She laughed it off and immediately changed the subject. I can tell she's hurting, but I don't even know what to say. I have no one to fight with.
Capped the weekend off with dinner with Sadie. We talked and we talked and we talked. The look of merriment in her eyes when I told her about Irish Lad . . . why do I share so much with my friends? Her unconditional support, regardless of how blunt she is, was so appreciated. Her desire for me "to get fucked more often" though I don't think was super helpful. I just don't think I have it in me to play the hook up game. The fact that I'm even thinking about it this much, precludes me from those games. Even after the hoopla over getting Tinder and plenty of right swipes, I've got nothing to show for it. I just don't think I have the demeanor for casual sex. Even though I want to. That was an admission that took some time under the bright lights of a regular Sadie interrogation. I asked her about MM and his shenanigans and she just brushed it all off. They're just FWBs. They both hooked up separately at Jac's wedding, making my little tryst with Irish Lad sound like a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Exploring dating feels fine on paper. I'm honestly curious about the experience and where it might go. I'm curious about testing my boundaries. But, I just don't think I can be that open. Be that cavalier with my own emotions. In a way Irish Lad was the perfect moment as he was here and then he wasn't. I don't need to deal with any emotional baggage from that hook up as I honestly don't think I'll ever see him again. It was very convenient. No awkward run-ins at a restaurant or in the PATH. Sadie just doesn't care enough to be that awkward. I, on the other hand, am awkward personified. I just can't give pieces of myself to that many people and not care.
So this has ended up with me going to a Feeld event with Sadie. So that's a thing.
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英语本案重点审查
Canadian legal requirements: (evidence + law + procedure + integrity)
The focus of this case is: (debt evidence + legal evidence + legal procedure)
Dear judge + lawyer: Hello, our company recommends: focus on reviewing this case:
1. I ask Focus to review me first:
My company has these violations and responsibilities. I borrowed money. I have debt. I can't pay my debts. I am a criminal and a terrorist. Therefore, my (land + house + car) was confiscated by the state. .Confiscated by the court? The criminal code stipulates that the signature of the country's prosecutor general is required to confiscate terrorist property. I'm more dangerous than a terrorist. Company property. Signed by the presiding judge. I checked and it was the court security (bailiff) representing the country's attorney general. Sign it. If I have no debts and no illegal behavior, why were hundreds of millions of assets of our company confiscated? There should always be a legal reason for an auction. Legal evidence. Legal process?
2. Royal Canadian Police, Sunshine Coast Chief Case Warning (Don Newman. RCMP) stated:
Auctioning land is legal. This is a debt dispute. This is a civil case. The local police refused to call the police and opened a case. There is no need to examine evidence of debt. No case was filed. Robbery (land+house+car) is legal. The local police have interests in the fraud gang. I'll ask the police. What are the illegal activities of our company? What is our crime? Is robbery legal? The key is to steal the company's assets worth hundreds of millions of yuan. The total amount is huge. The nature is serious and bad. It's simpler, safer and more vicious than robbing a bank. The criminal organization defrauded the group. Forged evidence and falsified debts. Deceiving the court. This is a crime of fraud and robbery. is a criminal offense
3. What is debt: Both parties agree (signed agreement + loan receipt + bank statement + financial settlement report + debt audit.) This is debt. You cannot fake a debt yourself + deceive the court. The court did not review the evidence, and his behavior constituted fraud and robbery.
4 We file a lawsuit. Talking about legal evidence: Disposing of the assets of an independent joint-stock company must meet the following legal requirements: "Five statutory conditions"
(1. Debt evidence + 2. Court trial evidence + 3. Court judgment evidence + 4. Legal procedures for company asset disposal + 5. Auction land evaluation report)
5. Canada (Company Law + Criminal Law + Property Law + Tax Law + Auction Law) provides:
A. Company Law stipulates: Company property rights are generally not affected by personal debts and liabilities. This limitation of liability helps protect company property from personal debts. This limitation of liability helps protect company property from personal debts. Corporate Independence: Under the Companies Act, a company is considered a separate legal entity with a status separate from its owners and shareholders. This means that the company has independent personality and legal rights, and the company's property is generally not affected or attacked by personal debts. The company's property is owned independently by the company.
B. Criminal law provisions:
Citizens' legal property is protected by law. It is prohibited for any organization or individual to embezzle, rob, confiscate or illegally seal, detain, freeze or confiscate. Forgery of evidence and falsification of official documents are serious crimes under the penal code. Fraud refers to misrepresentation, deception and concealment. or other acts of defrauding others of their property, causing damage to others. This crime can be determined as a crime of fraud or advanced fraud depending on the circumstances. The criminal code stipulates the confiscation of terrorist property, which requires the signature of the country’s Attorney General to confiscate our company’s property. This is the "Presiding Judge's signature." Forged verdict, I inquired. It is signed by the court security (bailiff) on behalf of the State Attorney General.
C. Property Law provides:
Citizens' legal property is protected by law. Any organization or individual is prohibited from embezzling, snatching, snatching, or illegally sealing, detaining, freezing, or confiscating. Trespassing on private property is generally a criminal offense in Canada. According to the Criminal Code, violations of private property may include theft, burglary, robbery, burglary, etc., which are all criminal offenses under the Criminal Code.
D. Tax law provisions:
Under Canadian tax law, there are tax procedures and regulations involved when disposing of company assets. Disposal of company assets may trigger capital gains tax or other tax liabilities. The company must be notified. (Financial settlement + debt audit + payment of national taxes and fees)
(publicity + procedures + land value assessment + auction at market price in accordance with the law),
(1) Capital gains tax. Capital gains may occur when a company sells assets. Under Canadian tax law, corporations are required to calculate and report gains on disposal of assets and then pay tax at the applicable capital gains tax rate.
(2) Liquidation tax: If the company is in liquidation and involves asset disposal, it may need to declare and pay taxes on the profits from the disposal according to Canadian tax laws. To ensure compliance with relevant tax laws,
6. Criminal activities of criminal organizations:
(1) Three persons violate the contract when establishing a partnership. Illegal and criminal acts:
1. Evidence 1: (Partnership Investment Agreement + Supplementary Agreement + Meeting Minutes)
A. According to the agreement, there is no default in equity capital. Equity capital is CAD 9.4 million, and the partnership is in arrears for 8 years. Taxes are C$9.8 million.
B. Evidence 2: Bank loan agreement, 4.2 million loan interest owed to HSBC Bank for 8 years,
C. Evidence 3: The first-instance judgment of the British Columbia High Court found that the evidence was forged. Fraudulent auction of castle. Illegal crime
D. Evidence 4: Refusing to implement the final judgment and (three important judgments) procedures of the Provincial High Court,
(1) Mr. Yang is the sole owner of the house and holds 100% of the equity. Gold Must Exit Title Certificate Shares
1,The bank negotiated with Yang Jin through three parties. Jin borrowed 2.1 million yuan from Yang and signed an agreement to pay the owed interest.
2, Return of investment 600,000 Canadian dollars, stock funds and interest + financial settlement + debt audit + signing of exit agreement
E. Evidence 5: Specific details of the partnership agreement: (Establish a partnership company, North American Sunshine Travel Company, and agree to manage it in accordance with corporate law)
F. Evidence 6: North American Sunshine Tourism Company License Evidence: (Shareholders: Yang Xuanwen + Jin Weiguo)
G. Evidence 7: Company Law. Regulations: A partnership cannot be cancelled, shares can only be transferred, equity cannot be converted into debts, and a partnership has no debts
(2) Fraud syndicate: criminal organization. Illegal and criminal acts:
(The following criminal acts were committed by the presiding judge of the High Court without any knowledge and were entirely operated by court security)
1. Proof of criminal offense 1: Forging false debt evidence: (CAD 1.44 million), deceiving court security, and robbing two business vehicles of the company
2. Criminal evidence 2: Criminal law provisions: excessive amount, excessive scope, illegal freezing, (freezing and seizure. Controlling the property rights of two buildings worth 16 million Canadian dollars,)
3. Criminal evidence 3: frozen and seized. Four joint-stock companies. Bank account + credit card, overage, out of range, illegal freezing
4. Criminal evidence 4: Forged false debt evidence, deceived court security, and forced me to sign, (confiscation + transfer). joint stock company assets
5. Criminal evidence 5: (forgery of expanded debt + deception of court + forgery of trial + forgery of judgment) judgment. Dealing with land prices, auction for $1 CAD
6. Criminal evidence 6: Criminal law stipulates: Confiscation of company assets must be signed by the Attorney General and notified to the company (financial settlement + debt audit) (announcement + based on procedures + legal value assessment of assets) land + legal auction at market price)), this Not robbing a bank?
7. Criminal evidence 7: Fraud gangs invade Canada. (Company Law + Property Law + Constitution + Criminal Law + Auction Law + Counterfeiting, False and Illegal Transaction Law)
8. Criminal evidence 8: The fraud gang caused serious damage: (national justice + national image + national security + economic security + public interest) huge amount, serious and egregious crime, and in accordance with the provisions of the Criminal Procedure Law, life imprisonment
North American Chinese Mutual Aid CooperativeJanuary 7, 2024
#Canadian legal requirements: (evidence + law + procedure + integrity)#The focus of this case is: (debt evidence + legal evidence + legal procedure)#Dear judge + lawyer: Hello#our company recommends: focus on reviewing this case:
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Hiya 😊 might I ask for a 🍒🌿 mistletoe matchup please, dc fandom 🍒🌿
I am female and would like either a male or female match or both if its not too much to ask xx
Female. Brunette. Blue eyes. Not tall/152cm-ish. 45kg. Irish. Ace. Early twenties. No tattoos. No piercings. Bilingual (gaeilge agus béarla). INJF. Leo. Procrastinator. I'm a librarian but if I could be anything I'd like to be an explorer in the 1800s setting off into the unknown on a big wooden sailing ship- yes I would die and yes if they realised a woman was on board I'd be dumped off somewhere but shhh. Or I'd like to be a P.I in a 40s noir book/movie.
Likes~ Winter. Tea. Reading fics. Music. Talking to myself. Cafes. Long walks alone. Shopping. Perfume. Makeup. Daydreaming. My vintage dresses, I think they're so cool esp the 1970s and 1920s one. Watching Brooklyn Nine Nine.
celebrity crushes ~ Emma Roberts 💖. Frank Sinatra. Brie Larson. Felix Mallard. Willa Holland. Chance Perdomo.
//sorry for this being late, got called in on my dayoff before I could finish this. Decided to do both ♀️♂️ for you ^^
I match you with...
Harley Quinn❤🖤 and Iron Man/Tony Stark❤💛
Both of them are ENFPs, which are supposed to be soulmates to your (INJF) personality
They both are total opposites of you
But they both have a witty mind
And like that you too have an intelligent/witty mind as well
They will playfully tease you as they try to get to know you more
As well as ask questions
They will want to spend all their time around just you, despite their extroverted personality
When you start dating Harley/Tony, she/he will show you how much they care about you
They are expressive for sure
They won't push you to do something that makes you uncomfortable
Only if you want to
Harley and Tony will protect you from any harm
Harley especially won't let any supervillian harm or touch a hair on your head
She'll even protect you from the Joker if she had to (assuming that she's falling out of love with him because you are actually giving her love back in return)
Cuddles and hugs and kisses
Only the sweetest of things for you
Massages on your shoulders and your neck
Running you a warm bath
They know it must be a little stressful working as a librarian, knowing that not many people go to libraries anymore and its stressful to make money keep them open
Tony would buy the library for you
No amount of money is worth more than your happiness
Harley would probably want to try to rob a bank to help, but decide not to because she want to better herself for you
And whether by text, phone call, or face to face, they will tell you that they love you
🖤❤💛🖤❤💛🖤❤💛
🎀 lmk if you'd like to be tagged in any/all of my work 🎀
#ask#matchup#match up#dc comics#dcu#dc universe#//hope you like your match 👉💗👈#tony stark#harley quinn#iron man#👉🖤❤💛👈
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.
the day to renew our lease is coming up
june 17th isn’t that far away
and while i wouldn’t mind staying where i am, i’m starting to get stressed about finding somewhere else to live
but most places don’t allow pets, when renting, and the cats are non-negotiable, so finding a house is the only other option
but what’s the point in trying to save money for a down payment on a house? i don’t make enough money to come up with that kind of cash in time for renewal day, and i don’t have anywhere i could go if i chose to move out instead of renewing the lease
and if i do renew the lease, then i keep on not making enough money to save up for anything important. and that’s assuming our landlady doesn’t try to raise rent - if she does, all bets are off, because i’ll just have to move out because i can’t afford, on a one-person minimum wage salary, to pay more than the $475/month i’m already paying when i also have to come up with electric and internet every month.
the only way to manage it, to come up with that kind of money, is literally to commit a crime, like fucking bank robbery or some shit. or, you know, paying only the most important of my bills and never buying anything at all except the essentials, in which case i relapse horrifically (and so does my husband) and there’s no point doing that to ourselves
i’m really starting to understand why people rob banks. and do other shit like that.
like i got it before, i understood, cuz i grew up in a less-than-$20K/year household that often had to feed and clothe 4 people, and crime would have made things so much easier for us, but now that I’m the idiot earning less than $20K/year while trying to juggle all my bills AND find the money for a house, it makes even more sense.
i don’t know how my mom did it all that time. i really don’t.
my dad selling drugs to supplement our income and finance his personal interests has never made more sense to me than it does now.
it’s probably the mania talking but i’m about this close to turning to a life of crime to get by lmao
if anybody has any tips on how to supplement my income (without turning to a life of crime) please do let me know lol
like my body is not... good for sex work, even cam work, cuz i have trouble doing, ah. penetrative stuff. so despite having tried that (and still trying that) it’s not really a viable option. transcription treats me okay but only if i can get high enough quality projects, which... not easy to do. writing and drawing have made me like $350 in total in the almost-five-years i’ve been doing that for money, so... not great as an option either.
life is just. dumb. and so is money.
i’ll get over it i just have to be dramatic first
#vent#money stuff#also tmi warning if you read this#do not reblog#matt rambles#just. stream of consciousness shit mostly#i'm having A Time#it'll pass#but if ya wanna reply to the post to give me advice (or just dm me) that's also fine lol#just#dont reblog#i'd set it to unrebloggable but alas i am on desktop using the legacy editor
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Small Town Boredom (pt 1)
Alrighty, I said I wanted to write more so here's a part 1 of a story idea that I have nowhere near fully panned out:
John could only think about how the cool glass felt around his mouth as he was taking a deep inhale. He exhaled, smoke coming right out of his mouth. He passed the bong to his friend, Max.
The room was quiet as Max lit whatever was left of the weed. You could hear the bubbles violently popping as he inhaled. He held it in his lungs for a second longer, hoping he would get more high. He attempted to pass the bong back to John. John put his hand up. He had had enough for now.
"Bro, at least pack it for when we're ready", Max said offering the back bong back to him.
"Oh shit, that's a good point", John reached and grabbed the bong, putting it on his desk. It was silent for a moment before John started speaking again. "You know what the issue is?"
"No, what's the issue?", Max looked on as John packed the bowl.
"There's nothing to do in this fucking town. It's so small. All we do is go to school, come back, eat, do our homework and then what. We just sit on our asses all day doing the same things. I am so fucking tired of it!" John turned back to look at Max, "Do you know what I mean?"
"Bro I totally agree. We gotta figure out something to do with our life. There's nothing here."
"I mean we found one thing", John raised the, now fully packed, bong in the air.
Max looked at the bong, as if he were looking straight through it, "I mean no wonder we smoke so much. Right? We should stop. We've been telling ourselves that we will stop. But honestly I'd rather be bored and high than sober and high."
"Exactly dude. We're in the same boat", John said as he went to take another hit from the bong.
Max was quiet. He was thinking. He got an idea but wasn't sure how much of a good idea it was. In fact, it was quite stupid. Max grabbed the bong John was passing to him and took a hit as well. He waited a moment, once again, before exhaling all the smoke and passing it back to John.
"John, I got one idea. It's really dumb, but do you want to hear it?" Max had an awfully wicked expression on his face. His smile was crooked, his eyelids halfway down all while slouched sitting down.
"Sure, what is it Max?"
"Ok ok, hear me out but and this is just for fun, we obviously won't do it. I mean we could but we really shouldn't. It cou-"
"Dude, get to the point"
"Ok, I say we should plan out a bank heist. Kind of like Ocean's 11."
John just looked at him with a blank expression. "Dude how goddamn high are you?"
"No, but hear me out. We really don't have shit going on though. Think about how much fun it would be to case a bank and make plans to rob it."
"Yeah sure, it'd be fun to pretend but it sounded like you actually want to do it" John was saying as Max passed the bong back to him.
As John was smoking, Max kept talking, "Listen, we both got shit grades right now. Do you genuinely think we'll make it anywhere in life? This is such a small town that I'm pretty sure we could get away with it."
John passed it back to Max, "Won't we get caught though? The chance is so high."
Max interjected, "Just like us right now."
They both laughed as the room filled with smoke becoming hazy. Max handed the bong back to John to put down. They were both done with it for now. Max continued, "Yeah, that's why we'll put in all the work and only go with it if we think or know its one hundred percent foolproof. Otherwise we won't do it."
John considered this offer, for maybe a grand total of 45 seconds. This felt like half an hour to Max, but John finally looked up and said, "Alright let's do it."
Max lit up, more than he already was, "Hold on. Let me write this down somewhere. I can't forget you agreed to this." Without moving, Max followed up, "Do you have a post it note and a pen or something? There's no way I am moving right now. I just came up with the best idea ever"
John simply just gave him a stare before reaching into his back pocket and putting out his arm, "Here, write on my arm."
Max moved towards John and wrote on his arm, "I, best friend to Max, have agreed to help plan a bank heist for fun."
John gave his arm a quick look before asking, "Alright so what do you want to eat and watch while we're this gone?"
_x_
Ok well that's all I have, idk about a part 2 but that's where I am so far. I am also very tired and have decided to do hw in the morning. Also if i hate this tomorrow morning, I will 100% edit and repost it. I do no care lmao
#also how do i find this later#i be reblogging things instatnly#i just wanna be able to reference it#imma tag it#me#or#Small Town Boredom#I'll try to get this done at least once a week#that's a realistic goal#my story#short story#part 1#idk if any these tags will help but here's to hoping
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grabbing Natalka and the Ukrainians
St Barths put all the Ukrainian community on the scanner…
Anna by name, who was asked by the lab to COPY our story exactly was not ashamed when she received sympathy from it, as well as payment…
‘’We know what you Ukrainians have suffered…’’
Raika your friend is being tuned to tell your mother’s stories by the Lab, but she adds a bit of German brutality…with guarantee of being printed..
18.9.03
2a.m.
Because we murdered your father, writer Semen Telewny, we are getting a Ukrainian woman writer to write all your stories, she has orders not to change them, just add a little of her own..
As we make the physical torture heavier on you…possibly we might kill you now, but the Lab prefers you to live in total suffering..
I will not release you from the computer on which you and all you do is prisoner of St Barths until I have added a few more twists of pain and and I do not want admiration for you from anyone, you work must be equaled by everyone.
..and now Maud, Miller and the other jewess of the lab who is using your poems you wrote after visiting Roman Road Synagogue in Leeds, taught by the Rabbi Rothschild, for whom I have packaged your work are safe….
…but these people worked with the Germans…
and is Maria Horobec – Scunthorpe at her level yet..the children of a Jew cathcher of Szalasentgrot, imprisoned by the government, whose both sisters have robbed the little family, tuned by the Lab for their kindness to them.
There is no copywrite in this country anymore if St Barths is involved.
The Lab of Human Research rules the rules and makes the rules.
1.12. 03..Alicia and her Diary C.D another of our thieves, will the Queen decorate her for theft too.
Ms Lipman tells me, ‘’talk about my theft if you want, but sue the Lab. They did it.’’
18st Aug 1989
You need counseling
By another grouch
I wish I hadn’t misused them so badly
Used for medical research as toys
Your Lives now nill and void
Belong to us at research
And all you create
Totally destroyed
Tel them they have volunteered.
No one comprehends the siren of silence
Disturbing in a noisy world of sounds
Distrusting Motives
Disliking Honesty
They changed the first to a second
And then ordered blocks on any further education
They call this prison a programmed life
By research using unseen technology..
Using the worst sadists known to man
And we thought we had them…
All the while they were here.
Child with mothers first:
Using children for science play
Later we all pay
Their lives no longer sacred
HOW MANY OFFENCES HAVE YOU COMMITTED
DOCTOR?
Scotland was not alone in their trial
Therefore we use Abroathe
But Fiona shrugs as they give her work to copy
And guarantee its publication
Be quiet reverberating
clamour from outside
they robbed the old people of every penny
called it the Robe
they gave their life and toil to rebuilding this country
they left them nothing, nothing at all
for what they gave to this island so willingly…
and even murdered the old man
slit his gullet
and called it a practice
will this kill practice….
With the order
Fail everything she does from now…
Eton had picked up our beams of their life
And dare not even talk of what we did to the daughter and kids
Misreading louder messages than any words
Truth from many
Take another atrocities count of Britain
A regular quote from the Lab.
Sima, beast torturer woman of the Lab
Signs the pastels she had stolen from our house
By the Government thieves
Laughs
We hammered them constantly…
And the Barclay’ Bank syphones hundreds
For whom might we ask
To pay for a bogus film the department made?
SWEATER LADY ST BARTHS October 16, 2003
They all give themselves personas hence the silly names..has rewritten some of your work and has sent a soliliquy to a major newspaper with guarantee of print by the Lab..
In America long ago
A lady appeared suddenly on the screen
In proper fashion
They just watched quietly
And did not offend her
Until she died
Impossible in Britain
Where all has to be capitalized on
And programmes impossible
From American folders
Are withdrawn and used
Any weakness or accident
So the circle turns
And everyone then capitalizes
On them…
The Kohl election totally fixed
You were that one
Along with deaths
And watched births
Now the country is run by its most evil
And Ann of the Lab
Is the most powerful woman in the Lab
Smiles and simpers
They gave me the power
They don’t stop me though they have the power
So don’t bother to complain
As another high level death is fixed.
As a new partner is fixed
Anything to break ancient moral laws
In these liberal times..
We’ve seen it all before
So this is what we fled to….
Pitsmoor Donna and Dore Dora from Sheffield Town
Urged by the lab, rob yet again
the Universal plague
the united nations agree to the torture
aged and helpless woman with children
we block and destroy every pathway they take
it is amusing for us to watch
and add a bit of torture
and a bit of robbery
to cover rogue Research
designers of the States used colours
so they must be given every line
by a thoughtless Lab. Just prying
and peeping with a license to kill.
SHUBACA
Girl of the Lab throws all mail into bin, presents for children and grandchildren, letters to different departments of Waterstones with flyers of poetry book..all private mail from America etc..it is now the total prison the Lab said today..Octover 16. 2003
Thoughtless heroics which are vague
A whole family in brutal quarantine
To be used as guinea pigs
To test out lies and sadism.
On air and tongues
The Iraquis play
So had to pay
We do that in America
We peel slowly
It’s not so easy to detect
Just tune ordinary people
To rob
And call rape a new name
Sexing, like it was in Hitler’s camps
Of which my mother had laughed
When I was a child….
But put great care
To the smallest of crimes
Not to do with them….
Encompass desired action
Leper in solitude has reaction
Shouldn’t have taken part
And you would still be safe
In your solitutude
Children’s teevee also watched and took
So one thievie had to write Fairy Stories
Al la Renart
Only bring known sadists and not the clever
To pass and qualify in St Barths Lab
In their stupidity grows their brutality
And we can play a bit longer
They let us hack their bodies to bits
The old octogenarian volunteered St Barths told us
As Jasper tunes the Ambulance men to rob
An octogenarian heroine
And we had thought Hitler was from hell
Megele lives in Jasper
In all of western Human Research..
Can we see all the way from the States?
They did not stop us
It was their fault
All the civil servants
Each P.M. knew
It is not our fault…
We could not commit crime
If they did not take part too
It is not us to blame
It is them
If they destroy us
Their own parts will be found
SEXUAL STRESSERS
Your mother was given sexual stressers by the Lab repeatedly when she was eighty plus..October 16th 2003.
Unable to pierce velvet comfort
Considered ogre in fractions
Child of corners homes full of children grown in traction
Becoming Unacceptable
Adults Screeching for the respectable
“Don’t be seen or heard” type of reformation
Now require the opposite confirmation
A confounding away of orders.
Leave no room to be nor borders
Activating cancers from the highest to the lowest
My Forest Gate friend and angel in disguise dies
Though a sharp East End tongue was her delight
Near give her cancer with her masoids
Get squashed we would like to watch you die
On the screen of pain and sadisms
Called human research
And I once read of cruelty to animals
Which was nothing compared to this….
Squirmishly manoeuvring towards
SO YOU PEOPLE WERE MUGABE’S DEEDS
driven into please record anything
now record these copies as originals
science is the total truth now through all its lies
and Jews of Human Research forgot the past
and how science had caused the holocaust
and who had been there for them
and repeat what mad Hitler had done
and with such relish
and then mourn for their own…
‘now there we have a good arguement from the Prisoner, use it.”
Sustained silences deriving benefit only from within
Introspection abounds
Be decisive as the Deutsche Bank carries out its orders
To thieve from helpless elderly women
As once they had done from jews
Ordered by jews this time
Manifests its withdrawal
Concavenous creation
A hollow world rewards
Followed by all banks
But robbing the poor has such poor rewards
Another lesson in this great trial
To us it seems identical to Hitler’s trial
Yes, the Lords have forgotten
Get educated
brimful with empty laughter meanings
so english
Nothing but pain, give them pain
They saved jews
Give them pain by jews
Just be
removal
Inhabited by unfathonable strangers
Felix adds a new one
Take out her hair by the roots
The queen of evil Anne is going white
The prisoner is not
Remove it by the roots
Distance mirth
endless discussion of triviality
Magnitude reduction diurnal
Living within the care ,
shrinking daily
Shroven death sentence
how
are never quite sure if it was them
Having the right word to touch.
IRAQU AND LADEN
Put yourself forward what gentle reasons
tale of lessons come learn with us the lies
and then your time of weeping will come
you gave us permission to destroy for learning
Taught, to forget preciously recklessly
All those seconds of eternity which are sobs.
Join a religion
Rights of sorrows,
Science takes another aircraft
This time it is the Gulf
The ageless Arab has at last dropped his guard
years robbed, he has returned to the beginning of his learning
Unexplained, beg to be told
Repeatedly quotidian sold
Laden was promised the price not explained
The price was unexpected
As Ethopians say with wisdom
Lie once, lie twice, lie thrice…
And the agony continues from the Master computer
They say with agreement from the Military Supreme
But we have seen all this before
Twice infact Hitler and Stalin
And squint knowingly into the futre
Whilst they unseeing, uncomprehended
Think it is new and watch the crashes
Techniques now already thirty years old
Do something with mute eyes depended
Understanding why unwithered children try
Withering their hopes of death
Immortality
Seeds sown never grown cataclysm
Living within ,you can’t make it a prison
Staying for an outward sign thrown as pristine
Of battered mind bitten we’ve seen all that
Though they torture us constantly
We know who will in the end be defeated
As so many others have been already
So willst though oh great science
Now traveling on the wrong path…
The Royals withdraw their support.
At London Dental Hospital
A young man in a white coat enters a tiny room
with a steel hammer
please go there to take an X-ray
please open your mouth
Smashes four teeth
Walks out in silence
They used to do that in the Soviet too
He looks like the man in the raincoat
At Roman Road Park
When the Livingstone sound thrower
Threw its vilest
At rest not even normal life at the lowest level
permitted
From working on the hospital Ward
test from the debasement sound waves of vulgarity
thought of by Mark who is a criminal
mutters I only intended it for short periods
research took it over the years and years and years
not I…
bent science is given too much information
sadism heaving through torrential jeers from the Lab
Mark banned used again
Expiration shrouded still
The Asians don’t really understand crime
And are perfect
India says the man at Bombay
Is filled with every kind of idiot
And English always find them .
Are you living? We are
On huge salaries
Paid to torment and destroy YOU
Nothing else
For this the tax payer pays us
Bewildered
But we had saved jews..
Unable to turn back the beyond the dragging forward.
Live for gods sake resigned in calm hysteria’s break
Praying for tranquility’s sake cocooned in the impassioned
Anger sustained in wanton cabal Body and wind ballast
You can’t do: mystifying onlookers unable to hear the parody
‘that’ of forces on air waves castigating
of forces on air waves ringing in cordons of avarice.
Giving rise to unending fears astounding.
Another drop out fed by chaos lodged in yesterday.
Too clever by half for tomorrow’s children depreciate
Never mind the dole feel the weight
One doctor feels the weight of his patients testicles
And that too goes onto their internet file of mine
As mini crime waves created by the Germans invited to the Lab cause headaches to the Lords and Councillors..
keeps them in concurrence.
21st Aug 1989 Duty
Abhyasa
It’s a mothers duty to they tell us expounding
to love, to serve, to organize, to ……
Everything with no deviating
All encompassed in one inferior body.
One inferior mind
Or so they tell us blithely
God help you if you can’t promulgate
No excuses, No reasons, definitely no seasons
For any deficiencies, called human.
Martyrs one and all terminate
You mustn’t fail them crewman
With only two hands
(are we octopuses? Or are we even octupii?)
Don’t we try whatever colour.
Whatever creed to do it all.
Unstintingly, Unbegrudgingly
Lab lice and their women kill till we fall.
Free our eyes become taciturn
The skin on our hands is torn and worn
They call that love
……
For this transaction
We get ……what ?
The lowest title of oration
Unmarketable product obsequious
Finally obsolete unless you are good and work with children
Or become a tart for some man’s pleasure fantasies
After they’ve buried us phlegmatically
They might remember precisely
Why is it really love?
Were likely monstrously
Missing our care, our work, our loyalty
Mother, don’t be facetious
Who worked so well so hectically grumbled muttering
You dared to leave them
Worn and maligned by the female Jews
Your worth is valued limpidly
Too late loathsomely
For you impartible
Can’t toil anymore for anyone, anyway.
Finally homage
Deserved facile rest
Who cared anyway
E lucidate a eulogy
8.3.90 You have a child
Mum
Soft, warm, cuddly Mum
Milk in warm bottles worry, exhaustion, panic
Sucking, licking, stroking Do well, exams
Love unlimited,-protection The future, don’t worry
The total world It’ll all work out
Pressure
Mum
brushing, pulling, tugging Mum
shoelaces, buttons, hair Distant, dreamy, untouchable
Behave, -naughty In love every week
Go to bed spots, acne, clothes
Orders abound Don’t be seen
Growing up
Mum Mum
Crying, clinging, fearful Distant, dreamy, untouchable
Schools, strangers, socialisation Quarrels, selfish, why
Don’t go, sit, be silent I know, you don’t
Got to learn Friends, gangs
Discipline voting now.
Mum
Somewhere, far away or near Mum
Too busy, life of my own gone now
Bashing rules to bits tears hidden
Kings of the road I loved you really
Young adulthood Too much to do
Wish you were here
Mum
Living life, making money
Getting on, this way or that
Forging for the future
We all know it all
Developed
Mum
I was so busy, now I remember
Where are you, you’re so small
So old, so helpless now
Forgot you,
Didn’t mean to
Sorry,
That’s life
Are you dead yet
Has the Lab murdered you yet
Though they’ll call it secret manslaughter?
Citta
22.Aug.89
bitter purgings
we walked hand in hand
over the hills
down the dales
of our new city
close as always
for twenty three years
soon after
you walked out
never to return
and never once said why
I asked
Is he still living?
Taking my life
You wrung it out
Having more concern
For that dishcloth
Now I find it was a Lab’s conflict game
not you
now seen they put me into shock
and left the children alone with a sick mother
in a strange city to cope
resigned to what has been
What is to be
It’s all clear
How little we mattered in our dance together
How distant we remained
To you dear husband and father of my children
But the Lab made the decision
After twenty three years of married love
Each up and down we had conquered
we lost it all, in a glance from one Lance
The profit was all yours
Husband, lover, father?
Only repenting
Ego defending
Work excusing
Enployment,
Goy hated returning
Presiding always
So ?
Who says the righteous always win
Was it a sin?
To love my man
For the children to admire their father
It was my job
To keep their childhood happy
We are not jews like the Lab
Who make themselves bleed with no wounds
All just a game to them
You couldn’t feel our grief vibrating
Would you care?
In your immaturity and vehemence
You are the first to be tortured in this way
How often will it be repeated
No human on earth will ever repeat this
How often will science say this we wonder
How often have we heard all this
Concentration camps and gas
And concrete in the womb as this started with
Now I understand what they did
And who created all the royal divorces?
Hitler too played these games with people
The jewish Labs just play them secretly
And are continuing the Auschwitz programmes
Too late dear they use these tools on their own students
The girls lose purity tuned to be used by their bosses
The prize a first and we and I fear not
The torment and terror the Lab applied after that
Are still too evil to explain
But more than evil it’s never been allowed before
Anan Koffie himself signed a false report
Or was it one of his underlings
Who never checks the script
Maybe he cannot even read..
What was the reason developed the laser to its clicking
Beyond any normal mind as they laser everything
Sarah sends death threats via the screen on Friday nights
Leaving me lifting my prayer book high
As we believe God is still stronger than St Barths.
They are our men
who for Gods sake
the men we clothed back then ….
and when she goes mad,
we’ll put her into one of our hospitals
we’ll walk around her bed talking
and then discharge her insane and mad…
Complexions we gave and continue the womb torture charges
Even to this very day often used as she was teaching
In Colleges classes filled with asylum seekers and ethnics
But our beliefs are different as they put over their hidden voices
called love, loyalty, truth
now have only one name
no wrath from us
Just mistrust
Doesn’t it sadden you
All we have shared and hoped
in voice throwers she threw you whore
and anything is possible now
but we are too evil in research to use it for good
I will drive you out of every institution in this country
Why do these people always get such high marks…
We lied to the top nurses too
In order to get you blacked…
There at Newham Hospital
That big red cross still doesn’t mean much
Even over here
We had used you too
We fear justice
And prison awaits us
If you live…
going to the park for an ice cream to draw flowers
grieving my man
Blind
You couldn’t envisage my hands
Aching warily
To touch for verification
Not just to work vacantly
Deaf
You were dead to my sighs
Telling unanimously
Everything too tranquilly
In soundless words
Dumb
You never spoke
Shared thoughts not synopsis
Yourself tyro
We imagined you not wanting us
Son’s traumatized out of their minds
No one cared
No one knew us
When did you actually leave
I was so ill from their Lab computer shock
In milder form they did that to the Princess too
They say it is necessary to tear people apart
I really can’t remember
Except going to find some milk
Somehow I knew my children needed milk and bread
Without a penny you left us tuned by the men at the Lab
But not the first time
But my mother was a long way away
This time she couldn’t feed us
Lacking any knowledge
To guide tentatively
Only to find subsequently
Our picture was painted closing its shutters
Our tally had different meanings
When clarified to synchronize
You left us sleazily
As you came to me
A stranger
And never once explained why...
I still don’t know why you left us.
Pounding the asphalt
Feet ahead with eyes averted
Scurrying rats follow rules with no emotions
No smiles without pleasure
Beaming complications from ware watery suns
Telling other stories.
Now Britain is just a testing ground for the super power
All of us activated
Pain and death...
24.Aug.89
Summary for this nanny
Platonic prop my surrogate sons
Disarrange anguish they feel for me
But bring happiness of a sort back into our home
I know you for terror
Creating no pleasure
Slowed permutations
Since childhood’s freedoms
Torn too early for comprehensions
So long ago, yesterday
Hugging tightly, you squeezed the black night
Shining through each optic nerve
always forgotten from shock after shock
rememberances clear in milky hazes of Laboratory shocks
you followed me round art exhibitions
and stood on the steps of the Tate
Madmen singing London’s pride
Making up stories
Unreal created happenings created by doctors
Freezing anger they call sensing and destroying
Super strong emotional arousers from computer
Never melted pain in searching frenzy
Sincerely yours
I tried to find you
But first I had to feed my children
I run down to the Cathedral for help and bread
The Lab has already been
What do I feed the children
I depended on you for any money
And spent any I earned on you
What to do?
Maxwell asked for my head in plaster
Had grown gentle in age
We come from the same homeland
Not far apart
We knew you well
We each other
Because he knew the truth
He had to die by science
A clear blue night
Of frost and snow
Everything died
Except despair
Turning in circular agony
For that unfindable probing for amusement
They are paid by the State so can play to keep busy
Lost, losing every stanza
Unclear then art brought life slowly to life
Words and forms the saviours all my life
Yet again did their work for me
Where my refugee comrades had despaired and died
My deaths were on the papers and in verse
Did the world itself disintigrate
Or maybe it was me
In deepest memories
Caves filled with more trilling laughter
Healing water of our God’s mind
Breathing living life still
Present, ever dead
Since searching endlessly
Fundamental aroma turned
a sickening joke against all women by new women haters
Nowhere discovered
Life
Restarted so often it is no longer possible
Living again as the lab keeps on trying to kill..
A ten minute piece for Sheffield University Writers .... Performance Poetry Sept.’89
(which my favourite home, London is very rich in)
The fifth Our Joe
12 o’clock Bye, see you…
12.05 Later
Let’s go to the supermarket mmmm …
Later… 2.00
Now…Please… 2.03--
12.30 --ah, you again
12.45 gotta watch these fifths—
help mummy put the groceries away nurse!
Later Three minutes now, is it?
Now…Please Screens around this bed
1.45 Shave
1.48 1/2 Hot bath
Oh dear, you’ve wet yourself Caster oil
Can’t cook lunch 2.45
Go get some chips 2.47
Later
Now…Please Dear neighbour, your first is it?
Be good Blib, blib, blib, blib…
Be back soon What a pretty nighty
Later What’s the machine?
Damned traffic my doctor’s really good (she
-got the suitcase
under the bed did you nothing is too much trouble for him nothing is too Who---?
Your mother and your… All full---except B
Husband… It’s a fifth, be quick
And yours?… Warm pain, sweating
Oh, its my fifth bleeding relief
Later … Slithering, sliding
They’ll all come later no longer while here starched
Been here so often… cotton
(hardly count anymore) Help, please, give me
could do it on her own really a hand up—
tick tock tick tock 3.15
—cold steel trumpet again It’s a beautiful healthy boy
what an enormous writhing lump look
can’t wait to be born— Doctor’ll come
I’m listening— Later
2.51 more blankets
2.15 1/2 Now
go on, short Shock
someone help— There cup of tea dear
Quickly Please
Now…Please No.o—Later
Delivery room Now.
Quick
Which
Hello Mrs Kenny just having our
Tea. Slipped on the way here alright
Oh dear, patchwork to sew blankets don’t worry
Ha ha, for my tea Later
Hm hm
now
Fine healthy boy
Sucking his thumb, look
Later
In his glass box
—like snow white
—and as the seven dwarfs wept
They tripped
And she came to life again.
Perfect Baby Boy
Eject their poison
6.30
Back to the ward
Now
What endless passages
Wheeling, flashing past
Alarming speed
Keep her covered
Shock
Please
Now
And Later
For all of you
From the rogue branch of medecine
The Lunatics
Now...
Sheffield University Writers Group..five minute piece
1.Feb.90 Borsch
Borsch all mixed in with beetroot
Day in day out its red hot too
It simmered it boiled A bit of paprika
Thick and tun did We’re Hungarian too—
“Does you good”, mamuschka Never measured
That’s why I’m so strong always mixed
Tatuschka labours the point what can you do
Mamuschka sniffing Each day as you come
Have to cook what he says a home
He’s the boss with its never , ending
Pungent and strong pot—
Changes day by day that pot of borsch
Our pot is altered that haunts me still
According to pay sometime, I think I can
—I can’t bear it smell it stile
after three years or four and taste it too
but we eat it It’ll be with me forever
all the more beetroot follow me wherever I go
cabbage, tomatoes sure dad, I grew on it
fat and pork too —ugh grew sick of the smell of it
and garlic and spices yet.
With onions It was good for us
Good for the blood !! too
Kept us going so long
Through poverty, strife and need
our tradition
till
Today
It’s only a memory
They sell it in restaurants. (so they say)
In delicatessens too
In super posh restaurants
Not for me thank you
I’ll slick to my vegetarian stew
They’re tasteless and smelless
Without the barrack smell and melting tar
And memories of how it was
And good for me too??
25.Aug.89
Mamushka and Tatuschka
Tenor was in every moment
Now turned to gnarled old age
Fearsome was in every glance
Now turned to sadness
No more than a blind notation of the second
Time has eroded ingenious
Shifted power from them to others
Respect sown could not grow
With age…for age
Was mysterious
Deception completed by the filth of politics
Detected then slaughtered again a second time
By experimental medicine
To save those we had saved
In heaving waist lines
Mottled skin and memories which remember silently
Warriors slowed
Arms laid down
Tension threads broken
Allow shocked breathing
Slowing mind forgets its bark
Racing life awaiting death
Tomorrow the children will live somehow
It was the only choice possible then
Has thrown its wand away
Purging all sins
Past and present
Now forgiveness is an easy concept
Sorrow in mellowness
For sunsets that were then
Sunrises that should have been
Actions dictated lost for ever
To be remembered in disproportioned flashes
After the grave
For nothing
For duty
Total deference saved our lives and outside calm
But was that life worth saving
If the memory could only die...
2.Feb.90
a New Illness
I was ill, very ill—so—why?
How do you feel dear?
Now do be honest What did you feel dear?
About those nights as you sat Tell it dearly
All alone About that eternity you lived
Felling the baby moving Not knowing the way,
No where to turn
Stirring No one to blame
In slow movements Having the proof at last
To footsteps No longer fevered imagined
Quickly the proof that hid on a
Passing the time medical card
Waiting, Waiting… Forgetting, forgetting
What do you think dear? You never forget dear?
Do be clear Did you—
About those days as you waited the pain of that moment
All alone The baby inside in revulsion turned
For ever That silence became total
Expecting his ringing call With the trust broken
Telling you Could never be repeated
Knowing his call eyes stopped shining
“Happy to be leaving” that day, dear
Listening, listening and that night endless—
Still hasn’t ended
A Believer 16. 12.90
I believed
An idealist of ideals
I believed
In love
Encompassing
loyalty, tenderness, completeness
I believed
In honesty
A helping hand
held out to all
We are one
Equal in dignity
If not the same
If different in essence
Each given a different name
With each different version
They call belief things like
Religion, Marxism, democracy
I called love belief
I believed in vain
13.Oct.90
Suksmadrsti
Reunite them all
Is what we want most of all
Their revolutions
Which knows no end
Their fodder
Prod and prong
Throw away—
Whist they scream their prayers
To indifferent hungry ears
Bellies blinded by running
We are the experiment
That mistake of all mistakes
Humanities progress
In this worldly obmutescence
Margined with ear-splitting rows
Daily living arthas
Lost touches of reality
Chaotic actions bluster
In ordered unison keels
Ice drop drums cracking
Blackened splintered shavings
All of it will come true
We just put it into code
Those who know..
13.Oct.90 part poem. part lost
We despise you as a Mongrel
I am amazed
I had not realised
That Israel was so pure over here
Israel the people from the Mediterranean
Who still havn’t found their roots
And still hang on their boots
It’s ok, I like Arabs too..
Somewhere they pinched and flinched
Their revolutions
Knows no end
Their fodder
To prod and prong
Throw away—
While they scream their prayers
To hungry ears and sieved bellies
Blinded by running from gunning
That mistake of all mistakes
Humanities progress
Speaking in channels
Senses abscond with sanity
Dumbstruck tongues dilacerated
Phalanx breath fluxes
The terminal civilization
Descry the heels in tanks and gun wheels
Of quaking depth science makes death
Until the fireball ingurgitates
Survival in toto
But the Reform didn’t hurt me...
Religious people are nearly always nice
And it’s necessary to die a billion deaths to provide for life
29.Aug.89 Break down
having felt it all
simulated fogs
The thought and subordination
Experienced every variation
Every nuance of pain
Life and the Lab had taught
An endless lesion of interpretations
Yet now another pain watched by the boys from Spain
Supersedes all others
More poignant, drawing no open sympathy
Waiting which is over
Whilst waiting
Always alone allowing the Lab to hammer unabated
That deepest pain to remove
Immovable, destructive, frustrating
corrupt beyond the imagination
There is no reason visible
—yet—
To continue striving is hollow triumph
on and on ,wondering—why—
Dignity of endless tears harden
Become a wall of pressure
Unreleased resentments no longer needed
Once heroic become Lab rats for their enjoyment
Having no hostile reason, to fall
Why have you gone?
Watching, seeing; the suffering heart
Feeling, hot prickling skins as the media repeats again and again
Sorrowing from all the borrowing
Its appearance
Each second a reminder
After twenty three years
Another day wasted
Another night pasted
I lived more than twice as long
as with you
what they did with my parents!
Along and called it the Robe..
Tinged with regrets for them
Because we had yet again met the Jew
Whom we had saved
Within over crowded city life to hide
Filled with milling crowds of solitariness
Waking each dawn in our refuge of response
feeling sliced under the experimental machine
Betray us for all,
Aimed for only their profits,
seeming not real in amazement
but we gave you life then
why do you do this to us now?
A thundering anxiety within skinny ribs
Hollow dragging beyond each day and year
Measured unreality even the United Nations
Of future goals to future generations
Aware only instinctively as Germans whisper
Survival is no more, no less
But I would not believe them
Not of you..our friends and cousins
They told the truth.
And ashes to ashes
With time, the time has flown
With excruciating time to wait
Replaced by the departed
So lets have male prostitutes
“I meant no wrong”
Punished for nations
Still weeping in the bath as the doctors whisper
That old lecher meyer
And miller, my tears fill oil
Oil replaces stinging soap
Choking life—trying
Threatening
Burn to death then
—die—
and I don’t know why
but we liked your naked body...
27.Aug.89
MANAS at Synagogue
a chance to glance at them at prayer
we saved them then
Scaring, searching faces
Worshipers with easy with cases
Knots swooning , all bigots
Chairs appear more rigid
in the pattern of gods
Undiscovered divinity
Where is your true sign
Put your money where your faith is
To eat the full load
Nothing buried just the goading
Do they see more clearly or am I blind
Reverend piety and fears hover
Strangers gather to pray
And the Cathedral no longer helps
Nor the Priest speaks to children
But we try to believe in them.
Nothing touches the fine
to hear lechers singing
the nuns speak nicely but too gently
without the fear no one senses
Perceiving, sensing insincerity of impossibility
Theologians nightmare,
each religious dream
Turned to shambles
With profit and no lover
We didn’t know women preferred celibacy
Well it isn’t the english gels
Their morality has similarity.
Deity to discover
Representative shackles, to be dispersed
And fundamentalist’s bread is the fastest
Wading through incomprehensions in nests
Of placid spirituality by militant obedience
383 observing laws
From time immemorial bowing
Humanity excluded as cowing
Within that inclusion of belonging
A game of extension turning
Selection and Existentialism
Versus pantheism represented
Unthinkable truths depressing the norm
Dropped chared offerings reflect
cannibalism of missions and holy men
drink of my blood, eat my flesh
eat a nun and you will be holier.
Healer of entrails in tatters
bringer of spare answers spatters
but
never listened to!
Continues with
Deity to discover
in a wiff of formality
in fluted neutrality of many John Kennedys
I am god to you
Feared, humoured, unheard and sometimes pitied
Figure of contempt by all modernity
To teach the within
Thwarted psychology of hopes without any ropes
Misunderstood context of despair
Allowing no parallels
Parables of communists
Ramblings of life in the hereafter
And a truth no one wants to listen to...
The Lab will ask Dana to use this up.
29.Aug.89
WITH A SMILE
White bastards and that Ahmed
Brown enigmatic smile
Saying from nothing dries
Curling tendrils portrayed deep within
A ark glistening eyes
Check the dole and tries
Black market workers fry
Flowing silence cries
Of gibbering Currie
(Lets send our jews,
no one dare upset them
Its uncivilized to be seen anti-semitic)
Silent nod of the head
Understood crop reaction of the mindless
Truth readings and the thermometer splinters as it drops
Another chalk mark, another insult
Compounded wisdom just an insult of submission
Hidden fury disguised with a smile
Shuttered within remission
eye globes never flicker
To be added to that endless list
Treacheries
Multiplying within unspoken fists
disappointed hopes they silently call compensation
Unheard by future recipients
Feelings so damning the chairs shake
In readiness for some future day
Praying for another mistake, quakes
The meaningful roars of scandalized bores
Shocked at the thoughts of a nation turning gently browner
Yet spend a fortune tanning every summer
Frizzing and perming in aping fashion
Playing, toying, blind disgrace using every Muslim
The time of the Muslims tears has started
In warmless puritanical disregard
Excluded red , derided white, tolerated blue
—needed—true?
A dying island race
unadmitted anihalation
a purpose sublime
Unremitting account of debit
Against the passbook of proof
Brotherhood?
Or crime
When needed, only when needed
Easily, instantly discarded love story
Excercised and excused within Christianity
Weird morality seeded
And they always use sex to destroy
tells our sikh Historian on our sub continent
even then within their truth
onwards Christian soldier is meaning less
Ignorance sharing the answer
To wards the master’s accumulation
Its culture a wealth to create and soothe
Not the slow dripping destruction
Of the great queens flames
Burning blazes of indifference
—one day brother
Account will settle
We’ll own all of you —
Nodding our heads in obedience
30.Sept.89
KENNY from Kil KENNY
Another Irish club
A barb from another bard
Crowded blank interest
Appraising the stage
—“Where’s the TEA?”
Performance and performer
—“asks the Priest from his pulpit”
Nodding approval
To another man’s sweat
And the lump dare not complain
Changing their beds in shifts
Pouring messages in the tricklets and bricks
As the whiskey flowed forrgetfulness
Rivulets of experience hidden sorrows
Encapsulated is song for today and tomorrow
Black’s tars stings and sings for everyone
And orange men weep
Thrilling words on fleeting moments
A living race, condemned
A beauteous land penitent
Undestroyable quotations so blatant
Forming passionate pleas without ears
Brits get out all over the world
Within.
In Sheffield’s granite city...
Scribbled is panic—
upon not finding the teaching block
LOST AGAIN
4.Oct.89
1st day of BE’d
Row upon row
Keen and witty
Willing to —what—?
We’ll teach the future
We’ll reach and future
Taught what to teach, ourselves
We’ll blank their thinking
This citizenry to be
With opened pigeon holes
Filled with monitored facts
To produce
The next lot of moduled models
Who’ll perform
Who’ll teach
By Government training
The next layer upon layer
Caged and peppered by pacts
No lateral thought
not permitted thinking
Because we taught them all
By government order
They call it education
4.Oct.89
In the hall
1st day of BE’d
Starting today
I wonder what it is I’m doing.
—I was into thought—but—
battling inside my head is the notion
that big brother has won after all
Telling us how to think yet again
And exactly how to repeat it
Pass it on
Testing
And teachers must look tidy—in suits
Is this a finishing school for big blouses?
All spurned—churned out
To produce the canon fodder for righteous profits
For our future
For our capitalist society
And bribes with airy status
Suddenly I need to protest
Seeing in reality myself
Tied mouth, dumb hands
Immobile
Another product of organized thought
A gory of mind, enslaved, desperate
And I wanted to teach
Thinking, thoughts to mushroom
We just shackle, really
Teaching dominance
Wiping away heeding
free-doom’s freedom
Oh dear and they really are so young
And its all planned already
How many jobs at the end
So give me the child
And I’ll turn him into a willing doley
If it has any originality left
5.Oct.89
by a laughing
Books person of wit
They give me books
Into to library
And books and books
I try to read them all
Hoping to expand
hoping to fill my mind
To blank out all I’ve learnt from living
I feel dejected
I feel stupified
I feel blanketed
I feel frozen solid by so much knowledge!!!
Not for me they told me
all this thinking
Just copy the masters did
that’ll do
everyone jumps on their back
we don’t need thinkers
to spoil our planners
So
For whom are we learning
Who needs all this to live
Or
Do they teach us anti-living
With government preaching
With religions teaching
The massive don’ts
So Here a sermon of won’ts
But stile we need
To read and read
Jsut go out and breed!
4.Oct.89
Despair as day goes on/an first day of BE’d.(P.E)
I watch your words
My typist keeps typing bed for BE’d
Does this mean something?
They sink in
Yet
Understand not a jot and got
I scream for you and you ignore me
This is not my game
They’ll hate me for it I already know
Same old trademarks
She’s haughty, thinks she’s too good
But my thoughts cry with interest lacking
The english girls all complain
In that smarmy way they do
Whilst I just disappear down to the Computer room
For peace and not to be seen
I want to learn—deep thoughts and thinking
I want to learn—to touch words
That excite
That give meaning and forms
To that endless stream of thought
—dictated to by necessity
I sit and listen
And slowly dry out and crumble
—to make a living
mother again—my needs come last.
thereby lost
My learning unimportant
So easily created
Then long ago
Love is a heavy taskmaster
Methinks
Then you find out
You are to so dumb
As they all had you believe..
3.Sept.89
TIMES GONE
Time should have been filled
With words
With images
With thoughts
Encompassed in progress
Within an outward creation
Instead
Daily happenings were tied
To lonely drudgery
To household tasks
To created tenderness
Unnoticed inverted maid
Misses freedom all given with love
Only within the chanters of roving dreams
Daily songs hummed
Wordless sounds of humanity
What cravings were hived
it could have been like
Living on a cloud
Longing for a footstep
Trembling for a voice
wondering about long past
Too late for matured dreams
Too far, all gone too far
Work, like a hapless prison, beckons
Is recompense for nothing
One second , two, in the minutes of life
It seemed.
Just may be
Maybe there might be a moment
Life could soar on wings
And dreams could become more than
Gutteral speculations
And a refugee could use its pen..
For battle and thought
Banished to sleep
That moment gone now forever
The seconds tick frantically
And I used to wake
With those shards teasing as
Daily companions
Pain sharp and clear
No one to tell
No one could see
After nights of horror
The magnitude of vivid incomprehensions
With shudders left deeply tormented
Leaving a pretended forgotten age
Pressing tears of memory
Time renews covering open gashes
With a new skin of different names
A graft that’s impossible to remove
Vale of irony
An endless away of sharpened blades
Performing walzes on bleeding soles
sealing a million satin filled hearts
Bring the only relief
Running on.
9.Sept.89
having been sentenced and sectioned
all of us
secretly
our whole family
for the comfort of criminal government professionals
who never go to the confessional
nor need to confess anything
Become part of our normal world
Who’s more mad?
The mad
Those that think about the mad-
And so they tell us
What the normal world
Induced ideas and norms
Force brain washed lives of indifference
To comprehend an order
Seemingly clear until seeing
Takes over
Depression of tears, hidden
Hearts buried is frustration
And formal capitalism
Adhering to its rules
Profit for something else through normality
Men of loin please join our game
Bending with all the rips and tears
Scarred nature fits its pattern
To lives lost in living
Constitutes
Phenomenal cost of success
Cease to be, be normal
No other way, it has to be
That flew clinging to their normality
Bleating upon battered straws of theology
Tentacles of self realization
For that inner man
Needs expression as succumbing to
Rationality
Logicality
Loses itself to bitter task masters
Of dull useless ache
Modernity over brimmed with contradictory reactions
Twisted echoes of response
Causing inactivity
Endless futures leave reeling mind
And force explosion of incomprehension
Normality achieved.
10.Sept.89
Waning alone at jot
Each autumn attests to the fears
Is tingling crushed awareness
Graying sighs of living
A mourning of endless nights
Evenings cocooned is darkness
Disappearing hazy whispers of yesterdays sunlight
Closing the circle of existence
Leaving only flight
Hidden in artificiality
All its limitations exposed
Fragilities weakened
Man and beast
To instinctive reaction
And child abuse records its horrors
Forwards a closing book
Withered heart beats of warmth
Shrouded stretchings covered
Aligned to musky nature
4.4.93
Labour. Upton. Park ward
Eligible conspiracy of politics giving
Appearances of greatness which convulse
Success or failure –no question of which ?
It doesn’t count
Members only qualify for broken promises
Hand in hand
I’ll nominate
You-?We’ll rejoin with our egos maintained
Your country needs you.
so march for withdrawal from Ireland
And It’s all lies, have you got you stage
Apologies Ladies and Gentlemen?
It’s such an absurd anomaly
Combating racial harrasment that’s my party
piece
-baleful dubiety
There may be some things
frail and fragile
recorded by actual
Numbers
represented
The money spent,
efforts taken
Results achieved
- with their usual instantaneous intelligence
Money which sent impulses/
dubious financiers
Signing the power game at the back
Briskly, with catachresis
Hexes
-the copy of generosity
Father Xmas knows no bounds of ……
Y move he enter by the side entrance
Not the tunnel of fumes
As tinges appear of deferred smells
Wasting
each tradesman’s entrance-
Next naïve question-?
Louder please
Repressive revulsion dessicates
The eyes have it, for the have’s
For chauvinism for flag waving fascism
nationalism
No support though for the lapsed
We all frankly object……
It’s questionable whether we can cope with all the eyes
Of truths and Out of ace
the business losses-
divulge or stifle
Putting it forward with all that cash
Views which report too much
Unex purgated started the memberships of democracy
Visitors definitely signed-
Archetypal, accursed, nefarious batards
Treachery on the flat!
He has the letters
Pass it on with explanations
To the uncaring carers
With those letters after their names
Deleting one thing after another
So necessary to life-
I do not wish to overthrow, just to win
Other peoples impossible
would be developing the improvement
Improve on nature? -directive
Interesting to see and
The deign, who?
Another investigation or is it investor
who knows
Covers for those comedians
Have you got the front,
the nerve,
the verve
No and I’ll just go to the sponsor
To conquer and combat
Grapple with the strikers
sacked if they don’t spike her
Return to work haranguing and disputing
Newspapers
Not being helpful.
they scream
Can you hear them whimper
From the doss cars as they simper
Not yet gone altogether
My impression spoken to someone else
Resolutions for revolutions of apathy-
Blearily watching, rebuffs which mortify
The movement of a snail
Up dated on latest position-screens
And bottom line as always is nothing decided
And yet another meeting with more
Deputy secretary and
Leaderships and
Meantime more resolutions from
Chairs of corporate services
Attenuating on further possibilities
Desecrations
Redundancies
Redeployments
Issues of outstanding problems sidle into
Consciousness
Unrealistic hopes committed
Indulgent schemes
Inadequate abstentiousness
All appeared on central records
Moderation expected - the eternal
Battle cry shrouded in doubt
Job doesn’t exist
Job not appropriate
Please retain at all costs, engage, hire
Abstruse, commission or enlist
Take on, take up – We say it all - be off
What ever the wording would be
One firm job often is all they need or want
“System doesn’t work at the moment ladies and gentlemen”
Temporary contracts with consequent renewals
After the last contract
Following the last
And before the last, victimization
Yes too, bully, cheat, exploit, all with amiable complacency
Just people who were acquisitive:
are then persecuted, used apprized
If your face fits, invitations pour in
Otherwise not, so negotiate, negate
Stop listening, fight, scream, be heard
You fool
Tread, stamp, march, not for your country for you
Against capping beaurocrats
Who cap through grapevines –friends
The drums holler, anesthetized
Let’s look seriously, look through everything
At these nonentities – in their magnanity
Angels are business, so major speaks
The shop floor to be cleared
Angels removed and profits counted
Compulsory reviews, offers on orders from acheion
And management versus workers
Charlatans of old –
Valuable resource, botchers at work
All in who’s who
Hadn’t appreciated idiosyncratic
Partnerships promising appeasement
Of shady suspicion with more partnerships
In private sectors promising
Community care
Everything is profit making or eradicated
The city appeases
all are challenges
In crumbling schemes of hopeless messes
And it all stinks
As another meeting closes.
31.3.93 U.E.L.Cultural Studies
Reds...
They drink tea
Those people – you know – those
Those – reds under the beds
Those ruskies, and ukys, Cossacks, not those
We had hot – then and Uzbeks and them –
And the loot they ate.
Good food
But they don’t
Would you believe it
They don’t, because they’re commis –
We drink tea too
Smile as much
We do. Laugh sometimes. Really laugh
And the government can’t cope
I drink tea too
However
Her majesty
And her majesty’s government
Sub – humans by her majesty’s governments
Promise to bow to orders
Honest
Feeling pain pushed out
Trained with past colonials
Bring tea...
89.
Madness Series –
Mary Jane on WARD16.
Were you mad that day Mary Jane
As you strolled the past with lapping tufts
Tearing your hair inside your scalp?
Were you mad as you watched, Mary Jane
With eyes turned into shedding suns
A fog of a fireball inside your head
Yes Mary Jane, were you mad?
They said so Mary Jane
As your blood turned into a box of pins
And the days into needles, punctured all through the night
With tears much larger than life or death
Were you mad?
I cried for you then Mary Jane
As I cry for you now on that some spot
Slowly stroked roots into pivots of hair
For you Mary Jane
And taught you to see words again Mary Jane
Instead of the future’s distant timelessness
It was all a concert of sounds Mary Jane
It shouldn’t have been –
And you had to learn to exist all over again
Without any help as then – you see, don’t you?
For I’m you Mary Jane and you ‘re me
And those punctures have rotted away
We remember it both Mary Jane
That day we went mad.
How do you feel now Mary Jane?
You and I soundlessly
With vibrating handles screaming for help
We’re learning silence again
But Mary Jane
As twilight dawns
The pictures appear once again
And we sit together you and I Mary Jane
Dripping that madness away
Your food became pills Mary Jane
And pills were your food
They kept you up right on your canvas
all through the night
As you lived in your mind far, far away
That world on your thumb print Mary Jane
It’s all splintered in wheels of past days
Yet – Mary Jane – yet, you learnt the whole truth
On that day you went mad.
MY COTTAGE plashet road. E13.
The vacant buses pass
Roman revenge
Brown beech trees
Gooseberries sinking
Dried cracked thorns blinking
Crowns of thistles
Happiness no matter what life brings
As I walk into the door
The Hetman’s four
30th.Sept.89
Snarling, gnashing
Noise of loneliness
Wounds hiding
Imagined tender aspirations
Never came book
Footsteps
Familiar deer handle
Of the beloved
Tenderness and caning
Love
Of the faceless one
With a thousand faces
30.Sept.89
I am a woman
I dreamed as a girl
Of wooing
Of being loved
Shared laughter and chatter
Of holding hands
Along seashores
I dreamed of sharing dreams
Is a world of harsh realities
Of the eternally displaced person
Taught never to demand
Duty and loyalty above all
Gain through world
Misinterpreting
Thought work would equal love
Walked the wedding plank
Not noticing his reality
Only the outward Anglo – Saxon fairness
That longing of every foreigner
Eternally different
The home a shelter, divided
Children foreign too unshared
Distanced separateness a noiseless wall
So different
Neither laughter nor rage
Only barbs
Enforced with superior brow beating
The strangers lot
Learning, their ways are learnt
Their outside coverings
The casing as hard as steel
Allowing no visions or dreams displayed
But still
I am woman
From warm earth which nurtures responses
Its seeds slice lurking within
Frozen in sorrow
Never able to grasp why
15.Dec.89
Breakdown
Unfinished sadness at life
Dull miscomprehension of conceptions
Apprehended
Spewed out
By
Misappropriation
And the weeping sickness
Clinging by living
To drowning ideals
Slice searching
Nov.20th
Breakdown
In this silent world
Brimming with ear splitting rows
Daily living
lost touch to reality
Chaotic actions
In ordered unison
Ear drums cracking into ice drops
Of splintered showings
Called being normal
Speaking in channels
Fleshy cheeks watched
With the bones of successes
Senses flown
Tongues torn
Forcing breath flown
with the last civilization
Finding the heels
A silent quaking deepens
Until the fireball swallows it all whole
15.Dec.89
you’re mad
Living alone is that silent world
Nobody spoke a word
We’re too busy to bother was the excuse
And so are you
Now they ask why I didn’t shout
And
You’re dumb as he walked out of the door
And who kept their lives running so smoothly
I ask
And never a glance who or how
Through sickness or health from any of them
My voice was printed is a thousand verbs
Long lost around the world
Life’s experience is brown envelopes
Exchanged for a million ideals
Conversations with heavens
Sin daily written style
Till – you’re mad they all declared as one
You make no sound
This was my silence which I now declare
21.Nov.89
Bullshit
They distort and contort
Diffusing the very pattern of me
Individuality, ill fitting
Questioned
It’s etched
Messages of the might
Seeking tranquility
And the pharmacists answer
22.Nov
magpie
This personal experience
Called making art
Is it imitation
At it loftiest
Elitism gone mad
Does it allow freedom
Freedom to what
The quest of all mankind
Expressing itself
In its textures of shrapnels
And shades of tenor
To hide in
We
Who have refuge
Nov.21
The model
Sitting
She
Is
Nature
Creation
Searching the strands of her pores
Probing her skin
To find
Only ourselves
Reflections
Of pain and joy
Hopelessness
Imortalising life
Whilst she sits
In her chaotic peace
For the oblivion of the human race
22.Nov.89
Under the blazing lights
Its human flesh
Reveals the profanity of living
In dragging truths
And breathless voice
Encumbrant civilization reverant
In non – belief
Revued
Seconds giving each lie
A lifetime’s story
And disorientated thoughts
Its brain washing reputed
By shadows
]
30.Aug.89
That second before death
Stunted and splintered
Existing only to die
Knowing
Life holds no future
No expectations
Leaves no tender past
Daily grind of automated celibacy
In continued waves of silence
Perished yet never ending
Misunderstanding reasons professed
Is reasonings
Limbo
Giving the lie
Unwished for contracts
Of continuing wash
Daylight formed of necessity
A cry for contact
Why the trials alone
A refugees lament
Grey clouds burning holes into emotions
Tied into grey eyes, keyed into grey skin, staring
Its all pervading sadness
Down beat land
Land of our refuge
If only the sun would shire
Even our pores are turning rusty from damp
Flocking here
Viewing your greatness
Justice
Finite understanding
From clenched anger
Of Churchill’s betrayal
Resentment still burning
As interlopers
2.Feb.86
Women conservation
He went lovely, did he?
Dear me, lovely and so did they
Soon be forty you sit all alone lovely
How many years and so do I
Three or four you say lost your way lovely
Dear me lovely whilst they all played
Lines around the eyes They’re all got someone lovely
The kids are grown lovely while your heart broke
And his are wandering
Your work is done without a penny lovely
Spent a lifetime lovely you sit and wait
Sorting them out it’s a long wait lovely
Hang on lovely till the grave eats you up
What’ll happen if he goes they didn’t train you lovely
You’ll have nothing lovely that’s for other
Gave it all to them who didn’t give so much
How will you manage lovely They seem to have it all lovely
If you let him go while you seemed to
Go wandering for his youth lovely live in vain
Whilst you’re grown old live now with those memories
That keep you upright
And keep you awake lovely
As the years drag you down
You’re told /you’re too old now lovely
Too old for what
And your time’s passed
What was it all for lovely?
They said it was love –
Jan.90
The day the wall: to Joe
Came down
They’re opened up my homeland
Oh god what will this mean
Can I go see, find out
Become
Will it change me, us
My images, reflections with aged newness
My breast beats savagely on hearing
Home’s like the nearly lover
Who walks across the sleet
Never to ached and bitter sweet
Those memories that could have been
To risk the pain to risk the looking
At what’s been missed and al gone by
Is it too late to dare
Touch histories of scattered memories
Stories of Slovaks made jewish by implication
By Jewesses of no talent by the british
As is the file of lies, lies by implication…
Now the crippling begins, under the Red Cross
A jewish Red Cross with medical fronts…….
- over there time moved on –
Standing stiles in our treads
In mellow warmth of distant past
A land now different to all that was
Where do I come how, belong
These strangers here
Or those strangers there?
6.2.90
Waiting for interview at Northern General
Seconds in between
Its met quite like I thought
All carpets, smiles and tea
This interviewing lark
The tea gets churned is nerves
The smiles turn boiling reds
Now they’re said – yes
Hip hip hurra
Only three more years ahead
You worry and you scurry
Is this really right?
Am I good enough
Will I do
Oh god, should I be here at all
It’s all so doubtful now
Courage courage
It’ll all work out
They haven’t bit you yet
But will you ever qualify
Pass exams, do alright
Well, got to have a go
That’s life
There’s people here and there
It’s like a great big town
A miniscule universe
Within the hospital ground
There’s those in charge
And those below
And those who laugh and cry
And then there’s even some who work
To make the place go round
There teachers, preachers, folks who pray
Those spending their last days
And those who tremble at the might
Of all within their sight
- I’m coming to join them all, I think
To hide within this crowd
I’ll do my bit and moan and groan
Just as they all do here
And beneath it all be filled with faith
About the way to go
I’ve filled my little jug with wee
And answered all their questions
With answers that were right for me –
Can’t except much more than that right now
Given them my honest thoughts
Now they’ll expect my labours too
What makes it all worth while I ask
This work and caring so immense
Well, there’s the wage –
Is that so big?
Eeh, I don’t know, you’ll see
They tell me naught
Watch carefully what I do
Can’t see that tickle in my turn
Excitement hope and a new start
With all I’ve learnt from life’s bashes
To use in service – here –
Can they use flying spirits though ,I ask
Gotta wait and see
When I come back they’ll tell
If I’m worth it or no
Autumn.tern.89.[BED]shades of flokinokinihilipilification
Look what I found is this bucket of mothers
Shining with gold
Cared for coiffeurs
Attired is fashioned articles
And I expected the thinkers
And we’re the strugglers
Instead
Powdered and puffed
Needing interest
To add to their pampered lives –
So what of us
The losers
Well yes, a bit different
It’s all a bit difficult
Its pocket money to them
Three peoples total assets to us
But nevertheless moving mountains
We become
Hoping to teach
Have a profession
Starving to get there
No free roofs of marriage
No luxuries for the children
The LEA thinks – methinks
We belong to the moaners
New Year.89
What are we doing
We artists of live form or colour
Or frightened of
Of disarranging for ever
As we disappear
Hope to live for ever
As obsessive line, form or colour
Obsession for what
What makes us
Who make us
For what purpose
Put our souls on paper
On view to the world
Shouting our emotions
Fleshy syllables in lines and forms – colour
Textures excused by profits
We’ll sell we excuse
It isn’t so, we need to
What
Create in existances name
6.Jan.92.
Performance Poetry
Stratford Dole Office
Whilst Waiting
Waiting on benches at Stratford
Unfortunately
the area I live in
Is ok
But life’s a shit
You know why?
It’s Britain
Hurrah for Britain
Someone
Somewhere
Knows
We sit – on benches
And claim
Fresh claims and general enquiries
To feed
The excecutive
Hail now Marx
Come and help us
Lets raise the flag
Where are we going?
Our next
Appointment
For the system
No one starves
Where - ?
In Britain doze
That’s why we sit
here
Waiting for the officers
What officers
We won the war
We freed Britain
With all our new claims
Join the Army
Join the Dole
Join the Queue
Just don’t ask
For
For what?
What are we asking for
Pray
Do tell us
About what
What’s free about Britain
What’s the percentage
Percentage of what
Black, white, brown
But they only come here
For what
and yellow too
The grand life style of course
of the empire
That’s why we sit here
On our benches
Its compensation
Shit –
What’s this
Hunchbached gargoils
It’s like church
Isn’t it?
There they fed obedience
What dill they give us in
church?
And school
School too
What do they give us
In the wonderful
The wonderful, the wonderful
The wonderful what
Oh yea
The wonderful British establishments
Where they teach
Now my belief is
That –
What’s my belief
I give
What do I give?
I give the dole
Where its at
What?
Where what’s at
We’re society man
We’re society
We’re big and little
And skinny
And fat
And and and and.....
And we went to school
And we went to church
Honest we did
We did
And they taught us
They taught us
Now let me remember
They taught us how to sit on benches
To say
Yes sir
Yes miss
Cause you know it all
Miss – sir
You got it all – right
Sir Sir Sir.....
And I stick your hand – out
For the care
Miss Miss Miss
And
And why aren’t you telling me
What to do now
Miss – sir
You’re standing up there sir – miss
You’ve got
A job
A car
A house
A holiday
Even –
I’ll bet you’ve even got
Got Got Got.....
Shall I tell you – miss, sir
What your establishment got me
I got to sit on benches
Sir – miss
Does that tell you something
Miss – sir
Does that tell you
Does that
Shit sir – miss
What does that tell you?
I know what it tells me sir – miss
If tells me
Hey, you’re the brain box
You’re the ore who knows it all
You stand up there
All of you
And tell us
On all the benches
That we’ve sat on
Shit sir – miss
Since we were –
I can’t remember anymore when
Pant of your machinery
Your plan
Sir – miss
Your great big almighty machine
That sits people on benches
You
Sat us
On
Benches
All over
Your system
With
Your
Forms
Exams
Orders
And tidy little plans
Of how
YOUR
Society
Should look
Sir – miss
Did you think
How
I’d
Feel
When you spewed me
Out
from your machinery
On to your waste – valve
Did I get it wrong
Sir – miss
Or did you?
29.1.93
SHEEZAN’S DARACH
Visiting the Writers syndicate.
Often clinking
coffee at East Ham
In a café
They don’t collect rubbish anymore
The East end and the streets are
Is yellow grit paved in gold!
Is plastic orange chairs
Is green tea/afloat with bits
Specks of multi – coloured life
Life and lives
Warm skins of dancing cool greys
Dancing is that daunted eternity way
And I am still new
Here
new old way
Winter cloths with pitted teeth
(fake or true) obtained from the dole
no truth here
children conceived and born to feed
with endless opportunities to sigh no
in the rain
in the damp
watching ……for the opportune moment to scream at officials
each stocky feat full of skinny housewives
with their purses bulging with dole
and he? Himself – in their sky – scrapers scraping for the skies
grinning at some sow of a civil servant
is yet another got office,
and she
glistening
like an over decorated got covered Christmas
Tree
Amazing trellis
With the wellies to wade through the dirt
It all goes in mulch
Quite reverently
Seeing the buses pass
Strangers in the night
Trudging like
Ships that parse
Or something like that
He declares he wants his love
Well floured
A man needs a tart to cheer
his worship the dole
Just around the corner at the Muslim pub
On black plastic
And
Jesus watched too watches from below
Lights suggested it all passing
The red lights
Passing by that pink glow
Passing away
Where all sat listening
To plastic creaking
Springs, squeaking
Through rotten walls
Shiny black plastic
Of unknown qualities
Quantity unknown
And the lights flickered over the tombs
Of London
all night long
Drown
Londoners enjoying black plastic
Shiny black plastic
Filled with rubbish
Such a waste
Raised with the sweat of competitive racism
And a million or more
And more millions folk
All perspiring
Into driblets of salty cracked sewers
Jerking spewing out – trash
Mice and rats
Around the blacks
Glassy black plastic realities
Detrimental
Orange green glass cup
Over the bar of differences
We’re
All
Easterners
Local
East Enders, who
What’s local
In London
We
all spit on
the black shiny plastic
Equality pegs longer
the same equally
They’ve changed it all as we watched
Unseeing not caring
Sit again and there’s yet a church
or some one’s house of god
Talk of church windows
Squares of honesty
Latticed with theology
Smelling of breweries
How all its accomplishment
Knowing that Jesus can’t
Visit
Neither
The coloureds preach
To us now and I thought we had damned Jesus to them
Even the temples
And smells of drugs
With their handled virginity
As everyone gives their arm an opinion
Lots of thoughts for others
To peruse over
And eat in sickening knuckles of gristles
Pork or penises
Yes and no’s
Scream through the chattering
Of clattering irony
Shining reflections
To deflect the holy wood never ending
Immigration circular
Movements of the world
Screen at its veins of crunchy marrow
Hollows burning into osteopaths
Chairs
Levered by politicians
Munch in the same skeins
Of baby pale – blue cotton wool clouds
Robust threads
Running through glazed policies
Magnifying goodness
Please welcome to Sheezan
And Imran Kahn
Invites you to his clinic
Or is it restaurant
Is it Halal
Butchers relax
We’re all watching you
Trays piled with magnetized strengths
Sepia smells wafting
Traveling
With taunted restraint
Isolated performers
Anglicization Protected
Stifling the dusty brilliance
Turquoise masses leaning
Blotchy
Held in a net of sun shine leaving
Back
The gauges washes in the grimy waters
the Thames flows in these quarters
Like pee
Life added to yet another
Setting sun
1.Nov.89
Course Committee of students
I am the student
Who is the reptile?
Representative
Profile Please
Feed back if they ever
Evaluation of dried leaves
Subject leaders under foot
An afternoon inspiration
Odd writings locked in this room
Consulting bodies air waves
Advisers – teachers tear savers
Organizing and chaneling park lands
Thoughts and actions dark hands
Yes
The melee
Which ignores,
which wanders,
which dawdles
Through it’s all in orders
Deaf as atone to all
This specification and that squeezing
We invoked
What did you say
A future for the few
A life of promise
What promise?
In happiness, I cried out
This king
Of those
Left –
Who’ll never live
Who’ll never know
That glory and honour
Of becoming
Acceptable
Left on the sheep of living
Without a plan
Mathematics of words
Literacy examined
By examination and figures
Sounds of beauty
Music is corporate
Washing the tepid suds
Of artistic depths
We discuss
They tack
So necessary
Without
Such a loss
But dear
oh dear
We could
Paint
Write
Wonder on crispy leaves
- such heroes
are we
Discussing,
talking and
Oh so, so necessary
Minor politicians
One and all
Except me
Rationalize thoughts?
Never
How can you –
Big brother squeezing personalities
Into shape
Herds of manageability
- increased cooperativity
Grey life matter
Given distance, close up
Not me
Black motes
Melodious
Glances
White notes
Secondary dances
Porous, cellulose voices of living
Putting sounds into actions
Protruded debates
Waftings all clarified
Of yesterday’s hopes
Nostalgia and beauty
Combines
On faceless boards
Sad words of rejection
Words
Words of analyzing
Categorizing
Humanity lost it’s touch in numbers
Love words
Words of love
With
Words of hate
Afield listening organisations
With wonderment programmed
Candidates are lumps of flesh
Suddenly turn to life
Emitting their time subject
Sounds of and colour character targeted
Wondorous wonder
How did man aquire
fluctuating musical sounds
Binds them with draw
Overwhelmed tell all
In grunts groans that have of belief become
Lofty wisdom
Words
Sound thudding
Distant whispers
Hollow booming
Leaves its marks
Patches of oval reasonings
Opposed voices of action
Conformity technique
Interview application break
With later identifications
Now what was said in this meeting
Broken problem issues mentioned
Spokesmen’s particularness support transferred
Talking groups council jargoning
On conducted occassions
Don’t ask me at the combines
meeting what was said at this meeting
8.10am over the TV.on sixth November 1997
NOV. 1997
I wouldn’t have believed it
I’ve got away with it
I think I’ve got away with it
Per the British and other governments
On TV
Murders with much pain
Thousands robbed
A life destroyed
An artist destroyed
Misery for 20 years to now
Much beyond yet
Britain’s advancement
To save its corrupt Jews
Christmas 93
Khounlivong Cheng’s party
Khounlivong Cheng – Ost str 60.
Cheng visits [Berlin]
Rice sticks
Sticky balls
Of food
And Mao wrote beautiful verse
That politician of dreams
That student of ancient poetry
Fighting a waiting attack
through out the night
In his caves
Cheng knows
Farms are watered
Filled with the blood
Of this philosophy and that
No one wins
Cheng reads
Cold nights
damp mountains
Was it worth it?
eating would
Or was it the power of the mushroom?
The bones rotted
Cheng shivered
Who remembers?
Cheng worries –
Whose bones?
Cheng sits cross legged
cold earth
Alive
Thinks of chrysanthemums
And lives his celibacy
In a strange
strange land
Where they cry
smiling –
Cheng tells
If they see black hair
It’s dangerous.
Cheng reasons
Then they made rope from such black hair
Friends end up in hospital
Beaten like steak
Cared for by the state!
Cheng smiled as he visited
Learned to know
Smiled as we shivered
Read as he smiled
Smiled as we sat
And cried through the telling
Sitting up in hospital
We all sighed
Three years later
A boy was killed
Here on the streets of London
After a football match
A Dutch boy
The hatred never ceases
Because he looked like a German
By a mob of football fans.....
6.Nov.97
Those dogs
you’re not bad for a German he said
Tho’ I hate them like dogs
Actually
Our German sergeant dug trenches
For all of us
to live
When we refused
There battling for them in Italy
And sat there laughing at him
Soldiers of the Wehrmacht all of us
- he was one hell of a worker!
Actually
Our officer was a dammed efficient guy
Couldn’t fault him
They did miracles
We never got kicked by them
Like the British
Well Scotts Guard kicked us
But I hate Germans
Actually
They’re hard working
Yes and decant
And quiet
But I hate Germans
In the end
a few took my life quite without cause.
In democratic Britain
but I hate the Germans, like dogs!!
He sighed
The Priest, Protestant ofcourse because we are Catholics, who was asked into the Human Research Lab of St Barths to watch the vilest of lewd films for an illegal highly dangerous, banned unofficial programme made by their licensious staff, says….a programme of manipulation and destruction as has never been known before, yet totally secretly…
“however you have written good ideas,” chirped the English man, “good thoughts, I will use them in Sermons.”
And Raika, my childhood friend from Elsham Camp, Lincolnshire, is now tuned to explore every second of our camp life to ensure I cannot talk of any of it. She writes, friend alters and Lab ensures all is printed..
It is considered ‘’revenge’’………yet, hadn’t my mother ensured that over two hundred of their women were fed and kept safe and alive in humane conditions……..
No avenue must be left, no voice will be given to these people we have damaged, destroyed and murdered murmures the Lab.
M/s ‘’they are going to try a monetary collapse next. The tidal wave hasn’t come off yet.’’
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Family Visit- Teen Titans x Aquagirl! Reader
Masterlist
Request: May I request a noncanonical episode where the titans meet Aquagirl's family?
Summary: You can't escape your strained relationship with your parents even through fanfic sorry
Word Count: 2274
A/N: first non-canon fic I've gotten! There's still more so I'll try to get those out b4 getting to episode inserts :)) Hope you like!
It was an average day as a Teen Titan for you. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and members of the HIVE decided to rob a bank at 7 in the morning.
You yawned, dodging a blast of energy from Jinx, ducking as Gizmo tried to mow you over mid-air; nothing new. That was until you heard a beep from your T-communicator.
Huh. That's weird. All of my teammates are here; who could this be from? You stop mid-fight and pull out the communicator.
"Hello?"
"Y/n!" You hear a voice on the communicator. It was your dad.
"OH hi dad!" You say, putting your hand on your hip.
"How's Jump City? Are you doing well in school?" He asks. You wince, remembering the fact that you hadn't told anyone in your hometown that you were Aquagirl, including your parents.
"Uhhhh yeah! Things are going great!" You say, barely dodging Mammoth trying to barrel into you. Beast Boy turns into a lion and jumps onto him, so you go back to your call.
"What's going on over there?" Your dad asks. "I'm hearing a lot of noise on your side. Are you in a fight?"
"NO! Um, no I'm not." You stumble, sweat dripping down your face. "You know how school is! Always busy, people talking, and my service is bad here so that's probably why too!"
"Well, your mom is home today, so I think you should come down and visit!" You dad says.
"Today? I ,uh, have plans with my friends." You protest, looking over to your teammates, who are still fighting the HIVE.
"Bring your friends too then! Or I'll come up and visit you!" He says. You freeze, thinking about the giant T-shaped tower you live in.
"NO! I mean- I think I can come down today actually. I'll see you soon!" You say, flustered. You hear a click of the phone hanging up and you hang your head.
"Aquagirl, to your left!" You hear a Cyborg yell. You swiftly punch towards your left, hitting Jinx square in the nose. The rest of the HIVE members laid defeated on the ground. You look at your teammates, who were waiting for you to explain the phone call.
"It's gonna be a long day."
.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T TELL YOUR FAMILY ABOUT YOUR JOB??" Beast Boy yells. You were back at the tower, and you sat all your teammates down for a talk.
"How was I supposed to tell them?? 'Hey mom and dad I woke up with magical powers and now I'm a superhero with five other people you don't know and oh yeah! I live in a GIANT T-SHAPED TOWER.'" You argue, steam blowing from your ears.
"So how're we gonna visit them?" Cyborg asks.
"We just won't mention it!" You decide, hands on your hips.
“Yeah, easy, it's not like half of us aren’t fully human.” Raven remarks.
"So you will choose to be ingenuine?" Starfire asks. "On my planet that is looked down upon."
"On every planet that's looked down upon." Robin says, concerned. "Aquagirl, are you sure you don't wanna tell them? You can't hide who you are forever."
"You're one to talk, Mr. Mask-and-secret-identity-guy." You blurt, before sighing. "Listen guys, it's just for today. I'll figure it out later, ok?"
They all reluctantly nod and you smile.
"Ok, let's get you set up with disguises."
.
You scan the line of Titans, all dressed in casual wear. You yourself were wearing an outfit similar to a school uniform. You wore a collared shirt, a black pleated skirt, and white socks with black shoes. To you it screamed, hey mom and dad look how good of a student I am and definitely not a crime fighter!!!
"I think you guys look completely normal," You said, satisfied.
"Uh huh. Like this is totally normal." Beast Boy whined, wearing a pair of headphones to disguise his pointy ears.
"Yeah, and if anyone asks, you got into the green food dye." Robin jokes, a dark pair of sunglasses hiding his eyes.
"How will I be able to explain my non-earthly toned skin?" Starfire asks, sporting a bright pink dress.
"We'll just say that you tan a lot! And that Raven doesn't tan enough." You say. The pale girl just stares indifferent. You didn't have any clothing that fit Ravens style, so you settled on a Hello Kitty t-shirt over her black leotard.
"Aquagirl," Cyborg calls your attention. "You know I never wanted to wear this again." He points to his sweatshirt, the hood hiding his robotic eye. It’s what he wore when you first met him, back when he was ashamed to say that he was made out of metal.
"I know I just- I don't want them to find out just yet." You stutter. "They'd freak if they found out what I was doing."
"You're not them, A.G. You're special; they deserve to know that. " He said calmly. You looked at him.
"I know I-I just need this one day. I promise." You plead. He looked at you reluctantly then nodded. You smiled weakly.
"Ok team- Let's get this show on the road!"
.
You got to your house a few hours later. It's not like you actually traveled; you told your dad that you would get there at around noon by train, then had Raven teleport you guys there when the time came. You stood outside of the house; it looked the same, almost like you never left.
You breathed, adjusted your skirt, then knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, revealing your dad. He looked the same, maybe slightly more wrinkly than the last time you saw him, and maybe you got taller from when you first joined the Titans.
"Y/N!" Your dad exclaims, pulling you into a hug in front of your friends. You stiffly hug back, aware of your friends being right next to you.
"Hi dad, where's mom?" You ask, breaking the hug.
"She's inside. Who's your friends?" He asks.
"This is uhhhhh…" You just realized that you never figured out fake names for your friends.
"Rob… Stacy… Rachel…uh…Ben…and… Vic!" You say, trying to hide the fact that sweat was visibly rolling down your face.
"Ok.. it's nice to meet you all." Your dad said, eyebrow raised. "Please, come inside."
You motioned for the other Titans to enter your house. Your house was right near the beach, so it had lots of windows and simple furniture, though the biggest shock to you was how clean it was.
Now that I think of it, the Titans are the first people in years to visit; I never even had my other friends come over, you realize, making your way over to the dining room table. Suddenly you hear a voice.
"Y/n?" Your turn to see your mom, coming out of her room.
"Hi mom," You go up to hug her before sitting back down, and she decides to sit next to you. You look at the other Titans from across the table as your mom begins to talk.
“So, who are all your friends?” She asked. Your dad interjects.
“She already told me hon. That's Ron, Tracy, Raquelle, Beck, and Vin.” You winced as he further butchered their names.
“So, how did you all meet?” your mother asked.
“We met.. At school obviously.” you say.
“Oh, yes! I was confused as to where my classes were located, and they assisted me.” Starfire adds. That fact was somewhat true, minus the school setting.
“She’s a foreign exchange student,” you nod, hoping that that explained her odd vernacular.
“I see. And you’re all roommates with one another?” she asks.
“Yes,” Robin says. “We share a dorm, but we all get our own rooms.”
“And what sort of electives do the rest of you take?” your mom continued to drill them.
“Computer science.”
“Astrology.”
“Literature.”
“Martial Arts.”
“Uh, lunch is an elective, right?”
“He’s in ceramics.” you say.
“And school is going well for you?”
“Of course! You know me; straight A’s as always.” you lie through your teeth.
“Not surprised. I heard Jump City’s pretty dangerous, there’s tons of villains there.” your mom changes the subject. “Do they even have superheroes there?” The room felt tenser than ever.
“Uh, yeah there are actually.” you say. “I heard they’re a bunch of teens too.”
“Oh yeah, leave protecting the city to a bunch of kids.” your mom complains. “No wonder I haven’t heard of them.”
“I'm sure they’re doing their best.” Cyborg says flatly, glaring at your mom. You look frantically at Cyborg, telling him to cut it out.
“So uh, aren’t you wondering what it’s like for us to live together?” you say to try to break the tension. “‘Cause it's pretty nice.”
“Of course. Has y/n been a satisfactory roommate?”
"Oh yeah, she's great," Beast Boy leans back on his chair, chowing down on food from your refrigerator. "Never had a better team- I mean roommate."
"I see," she says. "Why don't you all go hang out outside while I talk to y/n alone?"
They all stare at you and you stare back, your way of telling them, just go. I'll be fine.
They all reluctantly leave, leaving you with your parents. Immediately she starts criticizing them.
"Have you seen how tanned the tall girl is? Honey, tell her how tan the tall girl is." Your mom says. Your dad silently nods.
"And all those boys; terrible manners. Eating our food, talking back like that, and wearing sunglasses inside!"she scoffs. You hang your head.
"I don't see why you can't move back y/n. I don't think these people are good for you."
"Why do you care so much? You don't even know them!" You argue.
"I want to see you succeed. You're already doing so well in school." She defends.
"I can't do this. " You push out your chair. "I'm going outside to be with my friends."
You walk out the door and head to your friends, who were waiting for you patiently.
"What happened?" Robin asked, as you rejoined them.
"Well," You smile sadly. "Turns out they don't approve of you guys even when you're not superheroes. They think that I need to be surrounded by the perfect people to be perfect."
"Well, you're already perfect to us," Cyborg reassures, putting a hand on your shoulder. "If they can't accept that, they don't deserve you."
"Thanks Cyborg." You smile. "I think we should go home now."
"Hold it right there, pit-sniffers!" You hear a voice yell. It was Gizmo, back with the HIVE, more angrier than ever.
"Gizmo," Robin snarls. "How did you find us?"
"You didn't think we'd find out why you ditched us? We're not stupid, unlike you guys." Jinx laughed.
"Well if it's a fight you want," Cyborg said, removing his clothes to reveal his robot exterior. "It's a fight you're gonna get!"
The other Titans removed their clothes to reveal their costumes and charged into battle. You were about to do the same when an arm yanked you back. It was your parents.
"Y/N! Stay back!" Your mom yelled.
"No!" You yelled back, pulling your arm away.
"BUT-" she stopped as she noticed your friends, almost in uniform fighting. “What the-”
"Mom, you know how you said that there's a lot of villains in Jump City? The reason why they're stopped is because of my friends! My team! ME!" You yell, pointing to your team. Your parents stared at you in shock.
"What??? But how???"
"I got powers the day I left and I've been fighting crime ever since! I've been defeating bad guys! I've been missing school! And I'm sorry that I lied but that's who I am now!" Tears began to form in your eyes.
"Go," your dad says, putting a hand on your shoulder. You smile and run into the fight, your parents watching in awe. You rip off your shirt to reveal your uniform underneath.
"Titans! Fall back!" You yell. You stand in front of your opponents, excited to take you on. But what they failed to realize was that they were on the beach.
Your eyes glow blue as you raise your hands. Tendrils of water spike out from the ocean and into your command. You aim at Gizmo, the water seeping into his gear and causing it to go haywire. You blast one at Jinx, causing her to go crashing into the ground. You allowed one to seep into the ground, the sand pulling away at Mammoths feet, trapping him in a giant pit.
Faster than you can say "Wait, Slade's first name is SLADE???" You had defeated the HIVE. The team cheered and ran over to you. You laughed, hugging them. You saw your parents come over and immediately tensed up.
"Just breathe." You heard Cyborg whisper.
"Mom, Dad, these are my friends. Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire. And I'm Aquagirl."
"Thank you for protecting us." Your mom said calmly. "Y/N- or Aquagirl I should say, I see now that your friends have helped you grow. I am proud of you."
You hugged your parents and sniffled.
"I'll make sure to visit more often." you promise, then turn to your friends.
"So, is it time to go home?" Raven asked.
"Well, we could go home…" Cyborg starts.
"Or we could grab some pizza!!!" Beast Boy exclaims.
"I know a place nearby." You mentioned.
"Sounds like a plan." Robin smiles.
"Let us go and celebrate, friends!" Starfire cheers.
You smile. Everyday you’re more thankful that you found the Titans as your friends.
#butterknife's x reader series#dc comics#dc universe#robin#dc headcanon#reader insert#fem!reader#female reader#raven teen titans#teen titans robin#teen titans#teen titans x reader#x y/n#dick grayson x reader#robin x reader#x reader#raven x reader#raven roth#raven#starfire#vic stone#victor stone#robin!dick#beast boy x reader#beastboy#beast boy#teen titans 2003#rachel roth#koriandr#koriand'r
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Prisoner's Game Pt. 2 (Rowaelin)
Part 1
~Rowan~
Rowan didn't think he'd ever been so pissed off in his life.
The only time that even came close was when he lost his first and only court case, but over the years he'd come to live with that.
This though?
This immature, childish, irritatingly clever woman... he had a feeling he'd carry the rage he felt against her until the day he finally died of it.
Although, if he was honest, his returning move had been a little childish, too.
He'd ordered one of the guards to strip her cell of everything except the chess set. Her mattress, the makeshift knife he shuddered to think she'd had in the same room as him, her pillow.
If she wanted to steal his shit, he'd steal hers, too.
He'd also had the guard move one of his pawns forward on the board.
Not the most creative, but he didn't have many options.
What did you take from a woman who had nothing? How did you punish someone who was already serving the longest punishment available?
The bank had seized her assets when she'd been locked up, and the lease on her apartment had long since run out. She didn't have any personal items with her, didn't seem to even care about anything besides making his life hell.
Case in point, when he got home that night, exhausted from dealing with Aelin and spending a long day at the office, he'd discovered her retaliation.
She'd stolen his bed.
The whole goddamn thing, frame and all.
How she'd managed to get it out of a penthouse condo with security not realizing a thing, he had no idea. He knew from experience it wouldn't even fit through the door.
It'd seemed if she was going to be uncomfortable, so was he.
Steaming with anger, he'd showered and flopped on the couch like an idiot, not even able to sleep thanks to the rage she'd worked him into.
She was completely kicking his ass. From the inside of a jail cell.
He hadn't gotten more than a few hours of sleep before giving up on even trying. At six, he'd dressed and driven to Whitehorn and Salvaterre, the law firm he was a partner at.
If he couldn't sleep, he'd at least figure out how the hell she was pulling this shit off.
Looking through her folder, he went through her daily schedule, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.
Eight am wake-up, breakfast, shower, lunch, yard time, dinner, lights out at nine. Between activities, she worked out in her cell or read a book from the run-down prison library.
In the eight years she'd been in prison, she hadn't had a single visitor. Her cousin Aedion--a playboy Rowan couldn't be paid to associate with--delivered a care package on the first of every month.
Strange, considering nothing of the sort had been in her cell.
She'd been in solitary confinement ever since randomly attacking her cellmate a little over a month ago. She was still allowed yard time and meals with the other prisoners, but she was chained at all times.
Also strange, considering Aelin wasn't the type to do anything randomly.
Rowan watched the security tapes he'd strong armed the guards into giving him, going through the past few days to see how she'd gotten out of her cell to rob him.
He watched as she was escorted to the yard, watched as she ate breakfast and lunch and dinner alone, watched as she put herself through vigorous training in her cell.
Days of footage, and he didn't find anything.
Feeling like a bit of a creep, he watched the nighttime footage of her sleeping, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.
She didn't move too much or too little--both of which would indicate it wasn't really her under that thin blanket. There were no attempts to pick the locks in between her wrists and ankles, no digging into the wall behind her toilet.
Nothing.
Which meant someone was helping her.
He could go through the official channels and ask the police for her known connections, but he hadn't reported either of the robberies yet.
Partly because he wanted to deal with her himself, partly because he felt a bit stupid getting robbed from a woman in the most secure prison in the city.
Which means he'd have to go about it a different way.
Grabbing his keys from his desk, he debated how else he could make her miserable, unfortunately finding nothing else he could do to her, no revenge he could get from robbing her tiny little cell.
No, he'd have to try something new.
Maybe he could bribe her into confessing. She didn't have anything right now, but maybe he could give her something to lose.
He'd bring her lunch, force himself to apologize for yelling at her, and just politely ask who her accomplice was.
He thought on it as he rode down the elevator to the garage. It probably wouldn't work, but he didn't know what else to do.
And besides, he knew from experience Aelin didn't respond well to his anger.
Checking his email to make sure he wasn't missing any important meetings, he pressed the button on his car fob, expecting to hear the resounding beep from his designated parking spot.
Except the beep never came.
Slowly looking up, Rowan had to amend his earlier statement.
Now he didn't think he'd ever been so pissed off in his life.
He stormed over to the security booth, hardly refraining from grabbing the man inside and throwing him to the ground.
"Where's my car, Rolland?"
"In your spot, boss," the stout little man replied instantly and surely, snapping his gum and looking at him in confusion. "Haven't seen you drive out yet."
"Yes, exactly. Which is why it's a mystery why it's no longer in it's spot."
Rolland caught up slowly. "You mean... it was stolen? From here? From you?"
Jaw so tight his molars were practically fused together, Rowan growled, "Just let me see the security tapes from this morning."
The guard nodded quickly, eyes nervous as he typed something into the desktop in front of him.
"That's weird," he muttered a moment later, typing faster and sending Rowan a nervous glance.
"What?" he asked, trying to calm himself down with a few of the breathing techniques he'd learned over the years.
"The tapes are gone, but there's... this."
Rolland turned the screen so Rowan could see it, and all the breathing in the world couldn't keep him from slamming a fist into the side of the security shack.
The footage was gone, and on the blank black screen read: Bishop to J7.
He was going to fucking kill her.
~Aelin~
"Enjoy your taxi ride here?" she asked sweetly, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs.
Rowan scowled at her as he crossed the small room inmates could use to talk to their lawyers. He yanked the chair across from her out, then threw himself into it. "You are such a pain in my ass."
She just shrugged.
He sat across from her, angry and broody, and for a long time, he just stared at her.
Finally he asked, "Why are you doing this, Aelin?"
"I told you. You locked me up for something I didn't do. I want you to be as miserable as I am. It's simple, petty revenge."
Nothing about it was simple, but that was besides the point.
He was quiet for another moment. "Why now?"
She sighed, but she wasn't upset. Truthfully, she'd been waiting for him to ask that question.
"I want to tell you a story."
He stood up suddenly, face exasperated. "I'm not fucking joking around. And I'm not going to let you waste any more of my time."
He made his way to the door, and his dismissal of her pissed her off enough to say, "Sit down, or your car's going off Whigsby Bridge."
He smiled like he'd won their little game. "So you admit you have it."
"Sure," she said casually, honestly not giving a shit about the car.
His brow furrowed. "You're giving up? Just like that?"
"You're a fucking idiot if you think this is about your car, Rowan. But sure, I admit I know exactly where it, and your bed, and your little dagger are being hidden."
He narrowed his eyes. "This conversation is being recorded, and you just admitted to being an accessory to robbery, so-"
"You aren't going to press charges," she cut him off, pulling a cigarette out of her pocket and lighting it.
Nasty little prison habit she'd developed, smoking.
Or maybe she just did it because she knew he hated the smell.
"Oh, really?" he asked incredulously, eyeing the cigarette with disdain.
She grinned. "Once you sit and hear my story and realize I'm telling the truth, you're going to feel so guilty you won't even care about the car. Now sit down. I'd hate to see a classic get totaled because you're being stubborn again."
He glared at her, but came back to the table and sat down again.
Then reached over and snatched the cigarette from her lips, putting it out against the steel table top.
She just pulled out another, lighting it with one of her last matches. The irritation on his face made it worth the loss.
He waved a hand as if to say Get on with it.
She'd debated how to tell him this story for a long time. It was long, and messy and not particularly pleasant for her. But she wanted him to know the full thing, so she'd decided to start at the very beginning.
"My parents died when I was four," she began, ignoring his dramatic sigh. "I went into foster care, and as you can imagine, I was a particularly unruly child."
She smiled at the few memories she had. "I stole from the nuns, snuck out of my room at night and ran through the house, set all the clocks back an hour so we could sleep in. Small stuff. But it irritated them, because they couldn't prove it was me."
"Sounds familiar," he grouched, making her grin.
"I was adopted by Arobynn Hamel a year later."
As she'd predicted, his mouth fell open at that.
Arobynn was the known king of the underworld in Rifthold. He had a hand in every aspect of crime, yet no one could do anything about it because he never committed the crime himself.
His name was revered, so much so no one ever dared to cross him.
"But your record says-"
"That I stayed in foster care until I turned eighteen, I know."
Arobynn hated public records and had a deal with someone in the system that he'd take some of the kids off their hands if they kept quiet about it. Illegal as hell, but he wasn't someone you refused without suffering serious consequences.
It was the perfect crime. No one would miss unwanted kids, and it gave the system one less mouth to feed.
"I didn't know it, but he'd been watching me for a while. He... I don't know, saw something in me. Natural, innocent talent he could work with and turn into something different. He adopted me on my fifth birthday. And then he started training me."
"To do what?" Rowan asked, shoulders tensing.
"Everything," she answered with a shaky laugh, taking a long drag from her cigarette. "Stuff I wanted to learn, like how to pick a lock or walk without making sound. But as I got older, he taught me other stuff. Stuff I didn't want to know."
"How to kill," he finished, picking up on her tone.
She nodded, finishing her cigarette and flicking the butt on the floor.
"I was good," she told him quietly, looking down at the table. "By the time I was fifteen, he said I was the best he'd ever had. None of his other... children could beat me in a fight, not even the older ones who had a hundred pounds on me. And I could steal anything and not leave a trace."
His eyes didn't show an ounce of doubt, and she didn't know how to feel about it. But she kept going anyway.
"I was his favorite. I was his best asset, and I didn't care about anything that would compromise me. I lost my parents, and despite how much he wanted me to, I never loved him. I had no weaknesses. Except Sam."
"Another of his students?" Rowan asked, and it wasn't lost on her he said students instead of children.
She nodded. "We were adopted around the same time, grew up together. He was a year older, and whenever I had a problem, he was the one I'd turn to. He was good to me, and by the time I was seventeen, not a small part of me loved him."
Aelin broke off and took a deep breath, wishing she had another cigarette and trying to figure out how to put into words how much he'd meant to her.
"Was?" Rowan asked, so softly and quietly and understandingly that she was reminded of the man he'd once been, the one she'd loved.
Shaking her head to clear it, she said, "He made a mistake. He went on a job; he was supposed to break into one of the underground casino's owned by Arobynn's competitor and memorize the ledger, but he got caught. It was messy and horrible and stupid, and the owner wanted blood. Arobynn promised he'd kill Sam as retribution."
Rowan's eyes widened, almost like he hadn't realized how brutally she'd been raised until that moment.
"I begged him not to. Sam had saved me and helped me so many times that I couldn't not do the same for him. I told him I'd do anything."
She studied her hands, regret and guilt thick on her skin. "Arobynn said if I took ten of the jobs Sam was supposed to do, he wouldn't kill him. I thought they'd be similar to the one he'd messed up on, small break-ins or robberies. So I accepted."
A tear rolled down her cheek, and she batted it away as she continued, "The second I shook his hand, Tern--another of Arobynn's--shot Sam in the head."
Rowan's face blanched so quickly, she thought he might pass out.
He started to say something, but she spoke faster. "I... snapped. I killed Tern, tried to kill Arobynn. You called me a murderer, and that's true. I am, and I don't regret it. Tern was a sadistic bastard, and I'm glad he's dead. And one day, I'll kill Arobynn for what he did."
Rowan shook his head, confusion and shock and something similar to pity in his eyes. "Why didn't you leave, run away?"
She leveled a look at him. "I didn't exactly have a choice, Rowan. My punishment for Tern lasted for over a year."
There was a long pause.
"Punishment?" he asked in a breathless voice that made something in her chest hurt.
She looked at the table again, skin pebbling at the memory of that year. "He locked me in a cell in the basement, in the dark. Once a month he'd come in to ask if I knew someone named Sam. It took me ten months to get confused, another three to say no."
Still not meeting his eyes, she looked at his hands, noticing they were clenched so tightly the knuckles were white. And a part of her, buried under all the rage and resentment and sadness, warmed at the thought that he was... he was angry for her.
"It took me a long time after to figure out what was real and what wasn't. But Arobynn never let me forget our deal. And right before I met you, he told me the first job."
"What were the jobs?"
Aelin looked back up at that, the air thick between them as she said, "You already know."
"The murders."
She nodded, somehow managing to keep her spine straight despite the feeling of a hundred pound weight being lifted from her shoulders.
He at least knows why now, she thought to herself.
It was one of the things that had bothered her over the years. That he didn't know why she'd done what he thought she'd done. That he thought she'd.. wanted to do it.
He was silent for a long time, just watching her with a carefully emotionless face. "Thank you for telling me that," he said eventually. "I never could understand why."
Then he stood and walked to the door again, and it was only when his hand was on the handle she spoke again. "You asked why I'm doing this, and why I'm doing it now."
He opened the door but paused. Waited.
"It's because I tried to tell you this all those years ago, and you didn't care. You just assumed I was guilty because the evidence looked like it."
She spoke around the lump in her throat. "I told you I didn't kill those people, Rowan, and you didn't even care."
He spun around, slamming the door so hard it rattled, and in a split second, he was in front of her. A hand on the table, the other on her chair, he leaned down and got in her face.
He was so angry, so unbelievably enraged she couldn't believe it. He was angry?
"I didn't care? I didn't fucking care, that's what you think? Watching you get dragged away in cuffs was the worst moment of my life, and you think I didn't fucking care?"
Shock hit her like a bucket of ice water.
That moment was crystal clear in her mind, and she couldn't put what he was saying with what she knew.
He'd watched her with that same expressionless face, with cold eyes that had haunted her ever since.
She opened her mouth to say something, but he wasn't done.
"I fucked loved you! I thought you were the love of my life, Aelin. I begged you to tell me something that would help, tell me anything. But you didn't! You just kept saying you were innocent; you didn't give me anything to actually work with."
"I-"
"I found that stupid fucking list five days before I reported it, did you know that?"
She shook her head, because she hadn't.
"Exactly. You don't know what the hell you're talking about," he growled, eyes flashing. "I spent five days investigating it myself, trying to make sense of why you'd know those names. After your arrest, I spent two weeks trying to find anything, a single piece of evidence, that said it wasn't you. And after the trial, I spent another two months trying to poke holes in my own goddamn case."
He slammed a hand into the table. "I did everything I fucking could! I was desperate for it not to be you. I argued my case so your lawyer could plead circumstantial evidence. I put you on the stand so you could say anything you wanted. I went for life sentences instead of the death penalty to give you time to actually tell me what the hell was going on!"
She was breathing heavily, heart breaking and reforming over and over again at what he was saying, what he was implying.
"I didn't assume shit," he said in a low voice, so close they shared air. "You didn't tell me anything."
Aelin's voice trembled as she croaked, "I tried."
He shook his head, letting out a breath of amusement. "No, you didn't. If this past week has proven anything, it's that you don't try to do anything, you do it. You didn't tell me anything, Aelin. You're still not telling me anything."
"I'm telling you to look again! I'm telling you you didn't look hard enough, because I left breadcrumbs only you could find, breadcrumbs that explain everything."
"Stop playing games with me!" he shouted, eyes flashing with a fresh wave of anger. "It's been eight years! Stop holding onto whatever secret you're holding onto and just tell me!"
Gods, she wanted to.
He was the one person she couldn't trust with this secret, this stupid, most important secret, and yet he was the also the one person she wanted to tell it to.
She opened her mouth to tell him, but what came out was, "I didn't kill them, Rowan. I promise I didn't kill them. I can't... I can't tell you anything else."
"Jesus, Aelin," he spat, pushing off the table and turning to leave.
"Just look into it," she called after him, fingers digging into the table to resist the urge to try and follow him. "I promise you can figure everything out, and you'll understand everything. Please."
She knew why, after all this time, it was so important for him to know the truth when that hadn't been her original plan.
It was because she'd spent eight years believing he hadn't tried, believing she hadn't been a good enough person for him to even look into the possibility it wasn't her.
And maybe it was because he was once again leaving her, or maybe it was because she felt like she was in that courtroom again, begging him to believe her, or maybe it was because of something she didn't even understand yet.
Regardless of the reason, she found herself saying, "I loved you, too, you know."
He looked at her with sad eyes that she was sure mirrored her own and shook his head. "Not enough, apparently."
"You don't believe that," she argued, shaking her head and trying to keep the building emotions down.
"If you'd loved me, you would've told me. You would've given me the proof, whatever breadcrumbs you're talking about. You wouldn't have let me watch them take you away."
"Rowan-"
"You wouldn't have thought, for a second, that I didn't try to fight for you. And you sure as hell wouldn't have waited eight years to do whatever it is you're trying to do."
"I had to," she whispered, even as she knew it wouldn't be enough.
She shook with the effort to not tell him everything, but even after all he'd told her and how everything had changed, she just couldn't. Not yet.
He stood at the door, watching her with those eyes she'd once thought looked like the most beautiful emeralds. "Sometimes I think about it, you know. What life would be like if I hadn't tried to fix your sink in the middle of the night."
She smiled sadly. "Me too."
Rowan shook his head, gaze taking in her face like he thought he'd never see her again.
He thought it was over now, she realized. He thought that now she knew he hadn't given up on her immediately, now that she'd told him the story she'd wanted to tell him, that it was over and she'd give up.
"Look again," she whispered. "You know I didn't do it. It's why you're here, why you kept looking after the trial ended. You know I wouldn't."
"Goodbye, Aelin," he said instead, not telling her any of the things she really wanted to hear.
It wasn't until the door shut behind him she finally let herself cry.
She'd told herself that it didn't matter; that in a month the truth would come out and everything would be normal again.
She'd told herself she was only messing with Rowan for revenge, not because she wanted to see him again or test that he'd find the clues she'd left for him.
She'd told herself this was just a game.
She'd told herself all sorts of things that turned out to be lies.
~~~
Part 3
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