#I WAS LIKE GUESS WHAT I WROTE
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The Art of Humiliation (M)
Part two of Pathetic series (you guys responded so positively to Pathetic I cranked this out as fast as I could 🫡 and I think it is of good quality)
Simplified tags: 7.7k words, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry gender-neutral friends), heavy degradation, light masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, mild pain kink, vaginal fingering, cunnulingus, creampie, spitting, slapping, spitting, mentions of safe words but they’re never used, big dick!Jeonghan, blowjob, slight public play, phone sex, y/n has a humiliation kink, mentions of aftercare but I don’t write it happening he just says what he’ll do
Officially dub con but off the book I think the consent is pretty explicit, again just tagging it so because it is an intense fic.
Guys I didn’t think I could outdo the filth that is Pathetic, but I really think I did and I don’t think I’ll be able to top this.
-
“Yoon Jeonghan?” Jeongyeon blurted, dropping her burger onto her tray. You shushed her not wanting the entire University cafeteria to know exactly what you had gotten up to on Friday night.
“Sorry, it’s just…” Jeongyeon whistled. “Jeonghan sleeps with a lot of people but not just anyone. And you- you don’t ever sleep with strangers.”
“It was a frat party,” you grumbled. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at frat parties?”
“That’s what I do at frat parties,” Jeongyeon corrected. “But you? I don’t know it’s just uncharacteristic.”
“Yeah,” you agreed. “Maybe… Can we just focus back on the food?”
Jeongyeon sighed and picked her burger back up between for fingers. She went to take a bite but stopped.
“Are you going to see him again?”
You choked on your sprite.
“See Jeonghan?” You blurted. Your head dropped, your face burning red. Now you were the one too loud. “I highly doubt he’ll want to sleep with me again. Doesn’t he… Sleep around a lot?”
“Yeah,” Jeongyeon agreed, nodding her head slowly. “I don’t think he’s ever slept with anyone twice.”
You shook your head in disbelief.
“Imagine being so attractive that you have that many people at your disposal willing to sleep with you,” you said in awe. “I bet his one night stands beg him for a second turn.”
“Is he actually that good?” Jeongyeon asked, her eyebrows briefly disappearing beneath her bangs. “I always assumed that the rumors were dramatized.”
You snorted.
“No, not dramatized at all,” you said with a shake of your head. “I never thought a man would make me come.”
“See, that’s the good thing about Jimin,” Jeongyeon said. “As much as I hate to say it- He uses his fingers very well.”
You rolled your eyes at the mention of Jeongyeon’s enemy but that was all the commentary you placed on it.
“I suppose if he reached out and wanted to…” you trailed off, one of your fingers subconsciously brushing against one of the bruises that he had left on your hips. On the bright side of the whole night, he hadn’t left any visible bruises on you.
You swallowed a little too hard, remembering the way that he had looked at you as he drilled into you.
Maybe the lack of visible bruises was a con.
“It doesn’t matter,” you said dismissively. “Everyone knows that Jeonghan doesn’t fuck the same person twice.”
-
“You look troubled,” Seungcheol observed. Jeonghan sighed, a bit dramatically he would admit, and rested his head on his hand.
“I guess.”
“Last night’s girl not up to your standards?” Jihoon observed. Jeonghan shrugged.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this but, my already boring escapades have felt even more boring since our party last week,” Jeonghan admitted. Jihoon’s eyebrows shot up.
“Really? Since you stole y/n from Chan?”
Jeonghan nodded, not even bothering to argue the statement that he had stolen you. Even though it wasn’t remotely true.”
“She…” He trailed off. “Well, she was everything I wanted and more.”
“Romantic,” Seokmin commented, knowing full well it wasn’t that.
“Well? Are you gonna sleep with her again?” Seungcheol pressed. “Is she the long awaited…” He took a deep sigh of regret before saying: “Whore?”
“I don’t sleep with anyone twice,” Jeonghan dismissed. “She’ll be out of my system by the time I get the next girl in my bed.”
The room groaned.
“And here I thought our school population was finally safe.”
Jeonghan rolled his eyes, his thoughts turning back to you.
He wondered what he would do if he were to find himself in the same room as you again.
-
“Alpha Mu, Alpha Mu, Alpha Mu,” Jeongyeon chanted, running around the small dorm room excitedly. You rolled your eyes at her, trying to bat away her hands.
“Come on, can’t I have one Friday night of peace?”
“Jimin was-”
Your threw your hand over Jeongyeon’s mouth, your eyes wide.
“I’ll come if you just promise not to tell me whatever dumb thing Jimin did.”
Jeongyeon’s tongue darted out to the palm of your hand, making you squeal in protest. Jeongyeon just smiled sheepishly at you.
“Alpha Mu!”
You didn’t really understand why Jeongyeon insisted on inviting you to these parties, because she almost never actually spent any time with you at the them. Jeongyeon dragged you into the party, tugging down your short skirt, fluffing your hair and readjusting your crop top before dropping you off with Kim Mingyu and rushing to Jun’s side.
Mingyu was a nice guy. Fun to be around at parties when you were drinking, but you weren’t in the mood for a hangover when you knew you had to work tomorrow. You ended up just wandering away from him.
There wasn’t anyone at this party that you knew- that was practically immediately noticeable.
Sure, there were familiar faces, but aside from the Alpha Mu boys, you couldn’t really name anyone. You couldn’t even name all of the boys in Alpha Mu.
You had been at the party for about an hour, considering just leaving before your eyes fell on just the person that you had been hoping you would see.
Jeonghan was standing, a water bottle in hand as he tucked his dark hair behind his ears. He smiled at Soonyoung, saying something that you couldn’t make out.
You looked away from Jeonghan.
This was why you hadn’t wanted to go to the party. You knew that you would see Jeonghan and you knew that you would want him all over again. Just looking at him you felt your core begin to heat, wondering what he would do if he put his hands on you again.
It didn’t help that you had stupidly avoided touching yourself all week. Your thought process had been something that you could only blame on mind break. You were so drunk on the idea of Jeonghan’s dick that you had refused to do what he should be doing yourself.
You risked a glance back at Jeonghan, hoping that no one would notice the look. You were desperate for his attention and at the same time terrified for him to notice you.
But you supposed you weren’t doing a good job of hiding the fact that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of Jeonghan. You felt someone nudge into you, shooting you a sharp glare.
“Are you looking at Yoon Jeonghan?” The girl snapped. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“Maybe,” you said. You felt your chin tilt up slightly, trying to show this girl that you were obviously much taller than her. You weren’t really sure what she wanted, but you could tell by the way she was looking at you that she was ready to fight you if needed. “Why do you care?”
“Because I’m going home with him tonight,” the girl said back. “So stop eyeing him up like you have a chance.”
You scoffed, unable to help it.
“I think you’d break in half if you went home with Yoon Jeonghan,” you insisted. “There’s no way you could handle him.”
“Oh, I get it,” the girl replied, not even hesitating between responses. A small smile crept on her face. “You’re one of his used toys. He tossed you aside because you weren’t good enough and now you want what you can’t have.”
The girl laughed, and flipped her long dark hair out of her face, hitting yours with it.
“Well, at least one of us will be of use to Jeonghan tonight. After all, everyone knows...” She leaned close to your ear. “He doesn’t double dip.”
She turned away from you and began to walk away from you. You watched her, your chest heaving as you tried to calm yourself down. Your face was burning red, and your fingers were balled at your side.
You watched as she walked up to Jeonghan, placing her hand on Jeonghan’s chest. She slipped her hand beneath the collar of his shirt, getting on her toes so that she could brush her lips against his cheek.
Jeonghan didn’t seem upset by the touch but he seemed surprised. His arm came around the girl, his hand falling on the small of her back. He murmured something to her, his eyes trailing around the room as if to try and find the reason for her sudden affection.
His eyes stopped when they fell on you.
You cleared your throat in surprise, turning your attention away from the two to try and make it seem like you weren’t looking and like you weren’t jealous, but when you glanced back towards him, he was still staring at you.
His eyebrow quirked when your gazes met and he tilted his face down so that his lips were against the girl from before’s ears.
He whispered something to her, something that made her look embarrassed and glance over at you. You looked away quickly, but you could feel eyes still on you.
You needed to disappear.
You wandered over to the punch bowl, picking up a cup. You looked at the liquid in the bowl, unable to help the way that your fingers tightened around the cup in frustration.
God, how pathetic were you to be wet? Jeonghan hadn’t even done anything to you. He was spending all of his time paying attention to that dumb girl and yet… If he asked-
“Someone looks frustrated.”
You glanced over your shoulder, surprised to see a man you had never seen before. You squinted at him, trying to place him even as someone you passed in the halls but he was ringing no bells. He seemed to notice your confusion and held out his hand. “Yongtae.”
Your nose wrinkled slightly.
“Not interested,” you commented. Yongtae laughed in surprise, throwing his hands in the air.
“I hadn’t even proposed anything yet.”
You sighed. He was right, but still. You didn’t really want Jeonghan to see you talking to someone else. It was stupid but if he did, it might dissuade him from fucking you again. You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration.
“I suppose not.”
Still you put a little bit of space between the two of you.
“Your boyfriend must be pretty possessive for you to be so closed off to a guy talking to you at a party,” Yongtae observed. He took a cup from the table and lifted it towards you. “I mean as he should be. Look at you.”
He gestured towards you.
“The short skirt? The crop top? People are practically fighting to keep their eyes off of you,” Yongtae continued, turning his hand to wave and to the crowd. “I hope I don’t sound too much like a pig.”
“I’ll certainly complain about this conversation to my best friend,” you commented. He nodded, scrunching his nose.
“Deserved. Sorry.”
He was silent for a moment.
“But if you have a possessive boyfriend that makes you not even want to talk to other people at parties, why is he making you stand alone?”
“Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to talk to you for my own reasons?” You snapped. Yongtae’s eyes widened slightly.
“Okay, okay, sore topic,” he agreed. “Look. I’m just super bored. The Alpha Mu boys are practically untouchable. I don’t know anyone here.”
“Look, I-” You sighed. “You seem... Better than most people here.” That wasn’t saying much. “But I’m not looking for company tonight.”
“But... We could talk another time?” Yongtae asked. “I’m new to school, I don’t really know anyone. Genuinely just need a friend to talk to.”
Your eyebrows furrowed at him but you couldn’t really find malice in his eyes. Yongtae proceeded to produce a sharpie.
“Have a paper?”
You shook your head, offering him your arm instead.
“I’ll just lose a paper.”
Yeongtae seemed surprised by the suggestion but didn’t hesitate to take the sharpie and write his phone number on your arm. You looked down at the numbers and nodded.
“Okay, cool. I’ll call you.”
“What do you want to do?” Yeongtae asked, leaning on the table beside him.
“Get lunch or something... I don’t know...” You trailed off. “I need to keep moving.”
“Who are you worried about seeing you anyways?” Yeongtae’s eyes trailed through the room. “The only one looking at you right now is Yoon Jeonghan.”
Your eyes widened, and you tightened your grip on the cup.
“Fuck can I-” You looked down at the drink in your cup. “Can I throw this on you?”
Yeongtae’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Well, I guess-”
You threw the drink in his face practically instantly.
“Now stop talking to me!” You said loudly. Then, a little quieter: “I’ll text you or something.”
You turned away from Yeongtae on your heel and once again pushed through the party before stopping in the corner. Your face was hot with the stress of having been caught talking to Yeongtae. You were so screwed.
If Jeonghan had been even considering sleeping with you tonight, those thoughts were in the dust now. You hadn’t been good enough. You wanted to scream. Jeonghan was going to go home with that stupid bimbo and she was going to be just like you were the week before: Desperate and begging for his cock.
“What are you doing here?” You looked up, your mouth going dry when you realized who was standing in front of you. You stepped back, eyes wide.
“Je-Jeonghan,” you managed to get out. Your eyes dropped to the ground and you cleared your throat. ”Jeongyeon brought me.”
“Ah, yeah, I thought I saw her earlier,” he agreed. You looked back up at him, noticing that he had you fixed under an intense gaze. “She always finds someone to take home. I suppose you’ll need a place to stay tonight.”
“I’m practically used to hiding underneath my comforter,” you said with a sigh. “What about you? I saw you hanging out with that girl.”
“Who?” He asked, his eyebrows raising. “You mean, Chaedom? She was in the books. But she seemed to think she had some competition... What do you think? Do you think she has competition?”
As Jeonghan spoke he stepped closer to you, his arm wrapping around your body. He tugged you up close to his chest.
“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “I think... I think that you shouldn’t take her back to your place.”
“You sound jealous. Do you think I’m yours just because we spent one night together?” Jeonghan sounded amused as he spoke. “Don’t you know?”
“You don’t fuck anyone twice,” you replied immediately. “I know.”
Your eyes dropped back to the ground, obsessed with the feeling of Jeonghan’s hands on your exposed back. You cleared your throat.
“I just... Haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, is all.”
Jeonghan hummed.
“Do you think you even deserve to be fucked again?” He asked you. “Do you really think that you deserve that?”
Your face was burning all over again.
“I mean...” You trailed off. “I would try my best to make it worth your while.”
Jeonghan’s fingers dipped underneath your shirt, searching for your bra. You looked up at him, just as he realized what you knew he would.
“You’re not even wearing..” He interrupted himself with a laugh. “Why’d you turn down that guy earlier, huh? He seemed like he would have taken you if had let him. That’s all you want isn’t it? Just a little bit of cock to fill that stupid cunt.”
A shiver wrecked through your body. You started to feel even more of your body warm, your fingers itching to touch Jeonghan the way that he was touching you.
“I didn’t want his cock,” you murmured. “I want yours.”
Jeonghan snorted.
“Beg for it.”
Your eyes widened at the request, but you weren’t above doing so.
“Jeonghan, I really want you to fuck me,” you spoke immediately. You hesitantly raised your hand to his chest. “I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll take you however you want. I just need you. I’ll be better then that stupid bitch would be in a million years. And-”
You raised yourself up a little so that you were closer to Jeonghan’s height. You lightly breathed in his face.
“Not a drop of liquor-” Jeonghan interrupted you by raising his hands to the back of your neck, smashing your lips together. You immediately melted into his touch. “Please, choose me,” you mumbled into his mouth. “I’ll be so good, anything you want-”
Jeonghan raised his grip to your hair, pulling back sharply.
“You-”
His eyes trailed down your body before suddenly stopping.
Jeonghan’s eyes darkened as he grabbed you by the forearm, sharply exposing your arm for him to see.
“What’s this?” He demanded. “You were being good all night but clearly I missed something.”
“That’s just-” You stammered over yourself trying to find your words. “He just wanted to be friends. I told him I wasn’t interested in anything else.”
Jeonghan didn’t look very convinced.
“Get it off.”
Your eyebrows shot up.
“What?”
“Get. It. Off,” Jeonghan repeated.
He didn’t have to say it again. You were quick to rush through the party, desperately searching for the kitchen. You rummaged through the cupboards, trying to find something that would help get it off. Why had you let that man write in sharpie on your arm? Why hadn’t you just taken his phone number in your phone? Where you stupid?
You found an alcohol wipe and grabbed it, rubbing frantically at your arm. The color faded but, unfortunately, didn’t completely disappear. You rushed to the sink and grabbed a sponge and some soap, rubbing your arm desperately with the sponge under some hot water. You scrubbed at it quickly, but despite your efforts the most it did was smudge the numbers.
You felt frantic but before you could try even more you felt yourself get roughly grabbed. You turned around to find Jeonghan standing there.
He exposed your forearm to himself and snorted.
“Stupid slut.”
He pulled you close to him again, looking down at you with narrowed eyes.
“You want to be fucked tonight?” He hissed at you. Despite it all you nodded eagerly.
“Please.”
As Jeonghan dragged you through the party he mumbled to you a few things, the most important of all those things being a safe word.
“If you use it at any point of the night I will stop immediately. No shame in my actions being too much for you, okay? No matter what I won’t be upset at you.”
You nodded. He made you promise that you knew what the word was, making you repeat it at nauseam before finally you were in his room and he was slamming the door shut behind you two.
“Now strip.”
You practically ripped your clothes off, excited to find that once you had turned around Jeonghan’s clothes were off too. You tried to hide your excitement but your core was burning in a way that was practically uncomfortable. You needed to be touched so badly, but you had to be patient.
Jeonghan wandered to his bed, sitting at the edge, with his legs spread wide.
“Come here-” You took a step forward but before you could get far, Jeonghan raised a finger in the air.
“No, no, no,” he laughed. “Crawl.”
Your eyes widened but you dropped down to your hands and knees, crawling over to Jeonghan. He laughed at you again, shaking his head.
“You’re so pathetic,” he said. “Don’t you have any sense of shame? You’d really crawl for me huh?”
Once you had closed the distance between the two of you, you situated yourself in between Jeonghan’s knees. His eyebrows furrowed at you and he roughly grabbed your chin.
“I spoke to you,” he snapped. “I expect an answer, or I will force an answer out of you.”
“I would do anything for you,” you replied immediately. “Ask me to do anything and I’ll do it, I will, I just need you to touch me.”
Jeonghan snorted, pulling his hands away from you.
“Then prove you deserve it,” he stated. “Come on, show me how good you can be. Can you take my cock like you did last time huh?”
You nodded.
“I can, I will-”
You wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock, your mouth practically drooling as you looked at his long thick cock. You whined, as you raised your eyes back up to him.
“Can I... Can I please suck your cock?” You begged. Jeonghan’s hum was guttural.
“You better be good.”
You eagerly sucked the tip of Jeonghan’s cock into your mouth, and began to tease the slit on the tip of his cock with your tongue. Your could feel wetness seeping out of your pussy as you sucked his cock into your mouth, but you did your best to ignore that agonizing urge to be fucked. You began to work more of his cock into your mouth but Jeonghan sighed.
“I appreciate that you are trying to be a stupid little tease, and I admire the fact that you are trying to be good and patient but every other girl I’ve slept with has been so fucking unsatisfying.”
He tightened his fingers in your hair, ripping you off his cock.
“I’m going to use your throat like a fucking flesh light. You think you can handle that?”
You nodded excitedly, your fingers curling and uncurling against his thighs.
“Please.”
He smiled.
“And what should you do if you need me to stop?”
“Tap your thigh twice,” you replied immediately.
“Good girl,” he said, his voice airy. “You remember so well.”
He guided your mouth back to his cock and you opened your mouth obediently.
Jeonghan roughly pushed you all the way down on his cock. You gagged immediately but reminded yourself that you needed to breathe through your nose. You were quick to gather yourself, but just as you were getting comfortable Jeonghan was pulling you up on his cock and practically slamming you back down. He placed his hands on the sides of your face so that he had a better grip and true to his word began to use you as if you were nothing but a toy. His grunts filled the room, tumbling out of his mouth in a way that only made yourself leak more on Jeonghan’s floor.
“I want you to touch yourself whore,” Jeonghan said. “You want that don’t you? Your stupid pussy needs some attention. Go on and touch yourself for me.”
You lowered one of your shaking hands between your thighs, your fingers pressing on your clit. You moaned out at the feeling, and began to rub your clit in small circles, careful not to stimulate yourself too much, knowing that it would just make you cum.
“I don’t want you to just play with your clit,” he snapped. “I want you to fucking fuck yourself as if I’m fucking you.”
Jeonghan pulled your face off of his cock and you gasped for air, nodding.
“Right, I’m sorry,” you mumbled. Jeonghan’s hand lowered to your chin, his fingers spreading your spit all over your face. You looked at him, panting as you slid two fingers into your pussy. A whine left your lips at the feeling.
“You sure this isn’t too much?” Jeonghan asked, his voice soft like it had been after you two had finished last time. “Your mascara’s running.”
“I’m sorry,” you apologized. You raised your free hand to wipe away the tears that you hadn’t even realized were running down your face but Jeonghan’s hand caught yours.
“Don’t apologize,” Jeonghan said. “I like how it makes you look. Pathetic.”
You felt your face heat at his words, knowing that it wasn’t necessarily a compliment but it felt like one anyways.
“Get up on the bed,” Jeonghan said after a moment. Your eyes widened and you pulled your fingers out of yourself scrambling onto the edge of the bed. Jeonghan hummed, getting down on the floor himself.
“My biggest regret from last time?” Jeonghan asked, his voice low again. “Not getting to taste your pretty little cunt.”
Jeonghan situated himself between your knees this time, pressing your thighs apart with the palm of his hands.
“God, your cunt is gorgeous you know that? For a slut you are so fucking beautiful. Impossible not to stare at you at a party,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Can’t imagine how many boners men must get when they see you.”
He reached forward, his fingers sliding between your leaking folds.
“And if they knew how dirty you are? I would have trouble keeping you to myself,” Jeonghan commented. You moaned as two of his fingers slipped into you. He pulled them out and slid them between his lips. A smile crossed his lips. “And if they knew how good you taste?”
Jeonghan leaned forward, his tongue darting out to flick over your clit. You whined, leaning back as his lips attached themselves to your clit. He sucked hard on it for a few seconds before his mouth trailed down.
He always criticized you for being sloppy but he wasn’t any different. He practically devoured you, his fingers digging into your ass as he held your pussy as close to his mouth as he could. He dipped his tongue into you and flicked your clit, and practically sucked you dry.
You couldn’t help the tears that sprouted from your eyes at the pure pleasure.
“Jeo-Jeonghan,” you stuttered out. “I can’t- I’m going to-”
You panted hard, forcing yourself to keep focus.
“I’m going to c-cum. Can I? Can I-”
Jeonghan growled against your lips.
“You want to come all over my face?” He murmured against your pussy sending vibrations through your core. “You think you deserve to be the first to come?”
You shook your head no, even though Jeonghan couldn’t see what you were doing at all and he didn’t really seem to care.
“Come all over my face baby,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Let yourself go. Don’t think about anything. Just think about how much you love my mouth on your cunt.”
Your fingers clenched tightly at the bed sheets as your thighs shook around Jeonghan’s head. You felt your pussy clenching as you came all over Jeonghan’s mouth.
You were sure he would be mad at you for it but instead he wiped his lips with his hand and then pressed two fingers into you.
“You’re so messy,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Can’t help your cunt leaking out everywhere. I make you like that don’t I? Desperate and wet.”
You mewled as he slowly worked those two fingers in and out of you, the sensitivity at having just come starting to disappear.
“Fucked stupid and I haven’t even actually fucked you yet,” Jeonghan mumbled, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at you. Your brain was already starting to feel a little hazy but you tried your best to focus on Jeonghan’s face, on his eyes.
“You know this is your fault right?” He asked you softly. “You’re fault that your making a mess all over my room, your fault that I’m hard, your fault that I have to punish you for being such a slut and letting another man write on your arm.”
As he spoke he accentuated each word with a deep press of his fingers into you, curling them deep inside of you. You moaned loudly in surprise, your fingers clenching the sheets so tightly you felt like your fingers were gonna break.
“Jeonghan,” you murmured, your face burning. “I don’t want your fingers.”
Jeonghan’s expression darkened and he roughly thrust his fingers into you. You cried out.
“You think you get to decide what you get? Are you about to tell me you want my cock? Pathetic whore thinks she deserves to get off on my cock?”
Your toes curled as Jeonghan pushed his fingers impossibly deep inside you.
“I’m s-sorry,” you managed to get out. “But pl-please. I want to make you feel good so badly.”
You felt tears of frustration sprouting in your eyes again as you tried to fight your own hazy pleasure to focus on the overall goal you were trying to achieve.
“You think that a little cock sleeve like you is good enough for me?” Jeonghan asked. “I could fuck anyone at the party and come to the same outcome… What makes you think you’re special?”
“I don’t,” you responded instantly, your thighs shaking. “But please Jeonghan, I’m here. I’m the closest. I’m the easiest. I’m currently at your disposal, use me, please. I’m yours.”
Jeonghan’s fingers came to a still inside of you and your eyes widened, worried you had said something wrong. He leaned forward, dragging you into a hard kiss.
“I like hearing you say that… You’re mine…” He pulled back, slipping his fingers out of you and giving your pussy a smack.
“Fuck.”
“On all fours. Now. Before I find someone else to finish me off.”
You didn’t think you had ever turned around so quickly. You pressed your head down into the sheets, shifting your knees apart so that you were spread out for Jeonghan. He hummed, one of his hands rubbing over your ass.
“You’re so lucky that I’m wasting my time on you,” he mumbled. He slapped your ass, so hard your whole body jolted and then rubbed his hand back over the spot. Before you could think too much about his words he was sliding his cock into you: fast and hard. “Thank me for my cock.”
“Thank you,” you gasped out. “Thank you so much Jeonghan, I need this so badly.”
“It’s almost disgusting how desperate you are,” Jeonghan chided. He slowly pulled his cock out of you and then slammed it back in. Again your whole body jolted, and you struggled to keep yourself upright. “Are you finally happy? Finally sated with my cock in you?”
“Yes,” you admitted desperately. You could hear the smile in Jeonghan’s chuckle as his fingers dug into your hips.
“You’re such a good little slut.”
If you had thought Jeonghan had fucked you hard last time, he was a literal animal this time around. His thrusts were sloppy but they were so hard and deep that it was making tears roll down your cheeks with every thrust as your body buzzed with pleasure.
You couldn’t think about the party you had abandoned, or think about the pride that you had certsinly left at the door. No, all you could think about was Jeonghan’s grunts and moans and practical growls as they filled the otherwise quiet room.
Suddenly, Jeonghan grabbed something. He thrust his hands forward, holding out a phone.
“Call him.”
Your eyes widened.
“What?” You blurted.
“Call the guy who you let write on your arm,” Jeonghan hissed. You failed to take Jeonghan’s phone fast enough and his fingers buried in your hair, pulling you back by it. “Your orgasm depends on this phone call, so you better make your decision fast.”
If you were thinking clearly, you would have probably safe worded and gotten out of the phone call. You would be crazy, after all, to willingly call someone you had just met while getting railed by some frat boy.
But you weren’t think clearly. You were with Yoon Jeonghan.
You clumsily took the phone in your hands, heavy pants leaving your lips as Jeonghan relentlessly pounded into you. You looked down at your arm, the smeared numbers barely being intelligible. You typed in the numbers with shaking hands, putting the call on speaker phone.
The phone rang and you silently begged for him not to answer. Jeonghan was in no way easing his pace on you. His hand still fisted in your hair as he bounced you on his cock, driving so deep inside you that you were once again barely able to think, much less able to hold the phone to your face.
Unluckily for you, the phone rings stopped and a “hello?” Echoed out from the phone’s speakers.
“Tell him who it is,” Jeonghan instructed. You nodded the best you could.
“It’s uh, it’s y/n from the party,” you managed to get out trying to keep your voice steady. The effort was not lost on Jeonghan, his hand came down on your ass and you yelped.
“Tell him what you’re doing,” Jeonghan continued. Your eyes screwed shut as your face blazed with embarrassment.
“I’m getting f-fucked,” you stammered out.
“Uh…” Yeongtae was at a loss for words it seemed. But then again, that was fair. You had no clue how you would react if you were to get this phone call. You hoped that he would just hang up.
“Tell him why, tell him who.”
“It’s by Yoon Jeonghan. I’m getting fucked by Yoon Jeonghan and he made me call you because I was bad for letting you write your number on my arm.”
Tears sprouted at the corners of your eyes. Not because the call was too much but because you were so desperate to come. Desperate for Jeonghan’s approval in your actions.
“It’s my pussy I’m fucking, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” you cried out in agreement. “My pussy belongs to Yoon Jeonghan. I belong to Yoon Jeonghan.”
“What a little slut,” Jeonghan chided with a few clicks. “Tell him how much you enjoy this, hm? Tell him how you get off on me hitting you and telling you how pathetic you are why don’t you?”
“I-I-“ You tried to get the words out but you were so blissed out you could barely keep your head straight. “Jeonghan, Jeonghan, please.”
You were babbling nonsense at that point, and it earned you a slap across your face.
“Do what I tell you to,” Jeonghan reasserted.
“I’m sorry, I love this so much Yeongtae. I love it when Jeonghan humiliates me and hits me and treats like a whore,” you blurted out. “It’s all I could think about tonight. I need his cum so badly. I-“
Before you could finish Jeonghan hooked his fingers into your mouth.
“Shut up.”
His grip in your hair loosened and you fell forward on the bed, gagging around Jeonghan’s fingers. He sighed and with his now free hand took the phone from your hand.
“You can be friends with y/n all you want,” Jeonghan said suddenly, his voice gruff. “But she is mine to fuck. Only one person is good enough to make her like this and that’s me. So if you have any other intentions with her you can fucking forget about it.”
You heard Jeonghan toss the phone to the side and he grabbed you by your forearms.
“Aren’t you even the least embarrassed of what you just did?” Jeonghan taunted. “What do you think Yeongtae is going to think of you now? He isn’t going to think you’re some innocent little girl is he?”
You didn’t respond. You didn’t physically think you could anymore. You just let moan after moan leave your lips, your head hanging at the pure stimulation.
“But he will know that you are a very good little slut.”
He lowered one of his arms, his fingers pressing firmly down on your clit. You cried out at the contact.
“J-Jeonghan I need to come, please let me come today,” you begged lightly. “I haven’t come since the last time we fucked.”
Jeonghan leaned forward, pressing his chest to your back. He hummed against your cheek.
“Really?” He asked, a pleased tone leaving his lips. “Not even when you were alone? Touching yourself?”
Your face blazed hot.
“I didn’t...” You trailed off. “I didn’t touch myself all week.”
Jeonghan’s hips stuttered against you, his breath hitching.
“You’re lying,” he whispered.
“I’m not!” You cried out. “I needed you to tell me I could. I need you to let me or else I c-can't.”
Jeonghan scoffed.
“Stupid whore,” he mumbled but even as he said it. You felt his cock pulsing inside of you. “Can’t do anything unless I tell you to. Can’t do anything without me to help you do it. Go on then, come you stupid whore. I guess you deserve it.”
You felt yourself go limp against Jeonghan as pleasure washed over your body. For a few seconds you felt like you had stopped breathing, only able to blabber Jeonghan’s name on repeat as you quite literally milked Jeonghan’s cock. Only a few seconds after you had regained sensation, you felt Jeonghan’s cum begin to squirt deep into you. You arched your back in pleasure at the feeling, expecting Jeonghan to ease up on you, but instead he just pushed your face down in the sheets, his palm on your cheek.
You whined, your body shaking at the over stimulation but instead of safe wording, your fingers tightened in the sheets. You began to mumble thank you’s, defaulting into the mode of making Jeonghan cum.
Jeonghan’s grunts filled the air as he pummeled your pussy, only lasting a minute before he spilled his cum in you all over again. Jeonghan’s thrust started to slow down, but the feeling of being so full of his cum was absolutely intoxicating. Jeonghan slid out of you, sitting back on the bed, his hands holding him up but before he could completely relax you straddled him, lowering yourself down on his cock.
“I know, I know,” you babbled as you sunk down on his cock. Your breath hitched as his cum got push deeper into you again. You pressed your hands on his shoulders and began to shakily raise yourself up before dropping yourself back down on his cock. “I just n-need more cum. I need you to feel really, really good. I need to be better than every other person you’ve ever slept with I-”
Before you could finish Jeonghan’s fingers gripped on your hips and he stilled your motions. For a second you thought you were going to really get it. You tentatively raised your eyes to Jeonghan’s, only to find that they were glossed over, and a small smile was on his lips.
“No one I’ve ever fucked has taken three loads from me before,” he said.
He began to raise you up and down on his cock, his fingers digging bruises back into your hips. His movements were hard and rushed and a little clumsy but your moans and incoherent begging dragged a third orgasm out of him anyways.
“I know you want to,” Jeonghan mumbled in your ear as he fucked you. “Go on- Come again. You deserve it.”
You obliged instantly, unable to believe that you were given a whole third orgasm. Your arms wrapped around Jeonghan’s chest as you came again, pure bliss warming your body.
You and Jeonghan were silent for a while, your chests rising and falling against one another. After a few minutes Jeonghan lowered the two of you down in his bed, his limp cock still keeping his cum from seeping out of you.
You weren’t really sure what you were allowed to do. With former boyfriends, there was no question that you would cuddle into them. Maybe even fall asleep. But this was Yoon Jeonghan and you had managed to even exhaust him. What was the protocol?
You unsurely tilted your head up, intending on glancing at Jeonghan. Maybe you needed to suck it up and get out of his bed? But you were startled to find that he was looking down at you with a surprised expression on his face.
You blinked.
“What?” You asked him, suddenly acutely aware of everything that you had let Jeonghan do.
“Just wondering what to do with you,” Jeonghan replied, his voice soft. One of his hands lowered to your face and he closed his thumb and index finger on your jaw. He moved your face from one side to the other.
You didn’t do anything to stop him- Honestly feeling the pit of your stomach coil at being so casually toyed with.
“You’ll just let me do anything to you, won’t you?” He asked.
“I have limits,” you insisted with a roll of your eyes. “You’ll just haven’t pushed me there yet.”
Jeonghan loosened his grip on you his thumb brushing your bottom lip. He pulled your lip down.
“Can I hit you?” He asked.
“We’re alone,” you replied. “You don’t have to ask.”
Jeonghan’s hand came across your cheek, but it wasn’t as much of a slap as it was a sharp pat. He squeezed your chin again between his fingers.
“Good girl,” he mumbled. “You’d do anything for me wouldn’t you?”
You wished you could look away from Jeonghan but even if you wanted to, his grip was tight.
“Jeonghan, you’re embarrassing me,” you murmured, your voice quiet. Jeonghan laughed and his grip loosened on your chin so that you could look away.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just genuinely surprised. I’ve never slept with someone who let me do so much to them and liked it so much. I’m starting to think you don’t remember our safe word.”
You repeated the safe word under your breath, just to prove that you still knew it.
“Where does the control stop?” Jeonghan asked. “How often can I do this sort of thing to you?”
That earned Jeonghan your gaze back.
“How often...” You trailed off. “Like, we’re going to do this again?”
You couldn’t keep yourself from being surprised.
“But you never sleep with anyone twice?”
“We’re not going to be dating really,” Jeonghan said. “If you agree with it, I mean, but I want to see you at parties. I want you to be my eye candy. I don’t want you fucking other people.”
You nodded.
“Done, done, and done,” you agreed. “You can be controlling in public. I don’t mind the way that you physically move me around, and I like it when your grip is tight on me because you don’t like the attention I’m getting...”
You trailed off.
“But you can’t hit me in public. You have to let me talk to who I want to. The reaction with Yeongtae was...” You cleared your throat. “Hot... As long as you don’t actually mind me talking to him.”
“You’re going to talk to Yeongtae after that phone call?” Jeonghan asked, his voice high.
“Absolutely not, I’d rather die,” you laughed. “But you know what I mean.”
You glanced away from him.
“I... You...” You sighed. “I don’t think any man has ever made me come before,” you admitted. “I’d do anything to still be your fuck buddy.”
Jeonghan stared at you for a little bit.
“Give me a phrase for if I’m doing too much in public.” Jeonghan stated. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in a way that you don’t like.”
“I think Jennie texted me,” you replied instantly. Jeonghan nodded, his eyes drifting to the side for a moment in thought.
“Done.”
Jeonghan’s hand slid down to your neck, his thumb pushing up your chin. His nose brushed against yours and he pressed his lips to yours. It wasn’t chaste like you were used to after sex. It was heavy, controlling, almost as if Jeonghan wanted to turn you back on all over again.
But before he could do much his lips pulled away from yours and his thumb rubbed your neck.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so drained by a partner,” Jeonghan said with a laugh. He shifted, slipping his cock out of you. You whined in protest, but Jeonghan completely ignored you. He pulled away from you, stretching once he was standing upright.
“Don’t fall asleep,” he said. “You have to take a shower.”
You groaned in protest.
“I don’t need it. I’m fine.”
Jeonghan rolled his eyes and without warning dipped two of his fingers into your pussy, pushing his cum deeper inside of you. You mewled at the feeling.
“So you just want to keep this inside you, huh?”
He withdrew his fingers, shaking his head.
“I’ll come back for you, so you can get in the shower,” he said. “What do you want to eat?”
“I’m not really that hungry,” you stated, but that wasn’t really true. You were starving.
“Don’t care. What do you want?”
You sighed.
“Mac and cheese?”
“Done,” Jeonghan said. He smiled at you. “Now be a good girl and put on one of my shirts.”
-
Waking up before Jeonghan, you decided to just let yourself out. Jeonghan hadn’t really told you when he wanted to see you next but regardless, you didn’t want to find yourself in an awkward post one night stand situation. You weren’t really sure how to act around Jeonghan if you weren’t being railed by him after all.
You didn’t quite escape without being sighted. You sent an awkward smile to a tall boy sitting at the kitchen table, shooting you a scrunched nose look.
“You can walk after that night?”
Your face blazed, and all you could manage to murmur was an apology and a good bye.
After a second shower and a breakfast with Jeongyeon recounting your night in as little details as possible you went to work at your job on campus. By the time your shift was over, your memories of the night before were hazy at best.
“...Y/n?” Confusion riddled across your face and you turned around, taking one of your airpods out of your ear. You searched for the source of the voice and when you found it, your face paled.
“Oh my god-”
And yet, those memories weren’t nearly hazy enough.
Yeongtae smiled at you, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck.
“It’s good to see you,” he greeted. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes ran over the part of your body that he can see. “I’m surprised he doesn’t leave bruises on you that people can see. He sounded possessive on the phone.”
“I-” You weren’t entirely sure what to say. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what comes over me when he’s in control but I just can’t help but do whatever he wants me to and-”
Yeongtae raised his hand in the air.
“It’s fine. People have their own things they’re into,” Yeongtae said. “Some of the things... Weird and disturbing, but their own things nonetheless.”
“Have you had lunch yet?” He continued. “Would your boyfriend care if we got something to eat?”
“Jeonghan and I are not dating,” you denied with a roll of your eyes.
“You know that makes the phone call I received worse right?”
“Why were you on the line for so long?!” You snapped back. Yeongtae laughed at your quick clap-back, and the smile on his face actually made a smile appear on yours. “You’re fucking weird Yeongtae.”
“Weird, and hungry. You down for a lunch date or what?”
You thought over the invitation, but the decision ended up being easy when your stomach grumbled in protest at the lack of food.
“Yeah, okay but cool it on the weird shit.”
“Says the one who got off to telling me they were a slut over-”
“Okay, what did you want to eat?”
Part Three: Not a Friend
#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen fanfic#svt fanfic#svt fanfiction#seventeen smut#svt smut#kpop smut#Jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan#jeonghan#jeonghan au#seventeen jeonghan#jeonghan fanfiction#jeonghan fanfic#I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT WHAT I WROTE IN THIS PART#I ACTUALLY TOLD MY FRIENDS#I WAS LIKE GUESS WHAT I WROTE#AND THEY LITERALLY WERE LIKE THAT IS THE FILTHIEST THING IVE EVER HEARD#again humiliating but WORTH IT
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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CALLING ALL EXMORMONS/PIMOS
i have a proposition- lets all write the nastiest, most unhinged, atrocious mormon themed smut that we possibly can. It was honestly weirdly healing for me to read wild ass smut on ao3 that was themed around the religion and not the musical, and i want it to become such a popular trend for exmos and pimos to start doing that they have to start vagueing about it in general conference. It doesnt have to be good. It just needs to *be.*
Once im done writing my Ammon×Lamoni smut fic I'm absolutely reblogging this post with the link added, please join me in this unhinged rebellion
#look those two always had something homoerotic going on alright#even before i knew what homoeroticism was#just like. the inherent dom sub dynamics of willingly and happily listening to everything the king says?#asking for more duties just so you can spend time around him?#fighting an entire rampaging group of men intent on harming your b̶o̶y̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶ I mean king's sheep?#cutting off said enemies arms to show him how devoted you are?#and on lamoni's side--#giving up your kingdom for your “best friend” so he can be safe??#protecting him from anyone who disagrees with you and thinks he shouldnt be here?#the tldr of this i guess is that if joe smith wrote smut instead of the book of mormon and making it into a cult i would have less trauma#exmo#exmormon#ex lds#ex mormon#pimo#calling all exmos
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I am thinking thoughts about airports and flying again. And Dreamling, of course.
So. Human AU. History professor Hob has to fly around a lot for work, perhaps for conferences or smth of the sort so it's always to a small handful of the same nearby cities. He's pretty neutral on the idea of flying in general, though he wishes it was a bit more environmentally friendly, but Hob is a sucker for a nice airport and especially a nice airport lounge during layovers or before boarding.
Hob has begun to frequent a small local airline (White Horse Air, the logo is a coat of arms with a little pegasus, wyvern, and hippogriff on it, haha) when traveling because he likes their service (they've never lost his bags, not even once!) and their flights are never fully booked, which makes them quieter and easier for hob's chronic pains. He always picks seats with no one next to him so he can sprawl out and so it's easier on his knees.
Until, one day, he boards the little plane and there's someone in the seat next to his. Hob's sure that when he booked his seat, the other one was empty. Oh well, whatever, Hob's not going to bother the other man already sitting there for one flight— he'll just have to be a little more mindful booking next time. Hob shuffles into the seat, and notices that the stranger sat beside him is reading Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur! Hob gets excited because! That's a William Caxton publication! And Hob has so much to say about Caxton! He turns to the stranger to strike up conversation about it and... is immediately lost at how pretty the stranger is. Handsome, gorgeous, yes of course, but pretty, with the shell pink lips and focused blue eyes and slight frown at the book in his hands. Hob picks up his metaphorical jaw off the metaphorical ground and strikes up conversation with the stranger. Though the other man starts off apprehensive, somehow the two hours of flying fly by and the two of them end up talking about all sorts of art, history, and everything in between. Hob learns that the stranger works in publishing, thus his interest in Caxton.
Their flight lands, and the two of them disembark at the gate, still attempting to continue their conversation while Hob tries to wrangle his carry-on bags. (The Stranger only has a small laptop bag on one shoulder and a suit jacket folded over his other arm with him.) Then Hob has to check the time and begrudgingly says that he should probably head towards his next gate soon— this is just a layover after all. The Stranger looks ever so slightly disappointed and admits that this is his actual destination and he needs to meet his sister soon. They part ways, and Hob tries to dwell on the strange warmth in his chest. He thinks about the Stranger for his entire work trip afterwards.
This, somehow, happens a couple times. Turns out they both frequent White Horse Air, and though they're never in booked seats next to each other again, the flights are always empty enough that they can shift to sit next to each other once the plane's in the air. They chat the flight away, and then part ways once they disembark, with the Stranger headed to the baggage claim and Hob to his next flight. One time, the Stranger even requests the hostess to bring out a special bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1828 just for the two of them to share. Hob's in awe. He really enjoys their conversations, it's nice to be able to talk about his interests in a non-academia environment. The Stranger always has the most intriguing and eye-opening perspectives on everything, too. It doesn't really help that Hob thinks... maybe he's developing a tiny, teeny, really inconsequential really crush on his Stranger. He's not in grade school anymore, how does he feel like this about someone he doesn't even know the name of yet!
This all comes to a head when Hob mentions to the Stranger that his layover is a bit longer than it usually is, and if the Stranger is in no rush, they can continue their conversation in one of the airport's lounges. White Horse Air is a bit too small an airline to have their own lounge, but Hob's collected enough miles to get into one of the other airline lounges and is fully willing to pay to get in one if it means more time with his Stranger.
The Stranger is extremely enthusiastic about the idea— which shows up physically as a subtle, coy upturning at the corner of his mouth and a little sparkle in his eye. (Hob feels proud that he can read this reaction so well.) He's so enthusiastic, in fact, that the Stranger offers to get them both into a first-class lounge. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes.
Let's just say they get to the lounge, split some cheese and wine, and the proceed to get even more enthusiastic with each other in a private room. Hob's lucky he brought a change of clothes in his carry-on. (Maybe Hob's not so lucky and can't sit comfortably during his next three-hour flight.)
Hob gets a bit emotional when he has to leave for his next flight (already missing being able to hold his Stranger's face so gently, being able to card his fingers through his soft, smokey hair) and gets his guts together to ask if the Stranger wants to exchange phone numbers or something, so they can be in contact more regularly. Perhaps even, meet on purpose maybe? The Stranger smiles and kisses him lightly on the cheek when he slips a business card into Hob's hand.
Hob's so caught up in it all that he doesn't check the business card until he's fully boarded and sat on his next flight. And he gawks.
Morpheus Aion
The Dreaming Publishing House
As in, one of White Horse Air's biggest shareholders? Aion, as in, probably the sibling of Teleute Aion? As in, Teleute Aion, the CEO of White Horse Air?! Hob almost passes out.
In the end, Morpheus and Hob laugh it out. Morpheus promises he never abused his sibling privileges to invade Hob's privacy, but used the sibling perks to frequent White Horse Air flights a little more than he even needed to just for the chance to see Hob again. They're both happy to not need to keep flying just for that chance anymore, haha. Idiots in love! Turns out, while Teleute lives where Hob keeps having his layovers, Morpheus and Hob actually live just a few hours driving from each other from their shared initial departure location. It all works out perfectly, and Morpheus self-restraint from inviting Hob to move in (so they don't have to keep travelling to see each other, no matter how small) lasts not even a year after they officially start dating. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes :)
(Years down the line, much after they're married, Hob finally has enough miles to get them back into those first-class lounges to have more fun. It's all very lovely.)
#my thought process was “can i get them to fuck in an airport lounge room” and then i never even wrote that part#guess what i am also a sucker for a nice airport and an even nicer airport lounge. i am yearning for a nice flight rn#i genuinely love flying so much. not domestic travel but international travel is what my entire life revolves around and i am allowed to#romanticise it a little bit haha#anyway#(me describing morpheus' lips with a guitar color) ah yes literature#how the hell do i tag this#i dont usually post idea dumps like this but i have no where else to put it haha#i'd love to write it but i dont think i'd know how to approach this lol#if anyone wants to take this as a prompt go ahead!!#the sandman#dreamling#dc#rex speaks#rex writes#(?)#long post
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the kids released a new album
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#AUverse#dhestyn#kelly#ok i actually have things to say about this#FIRST OF ALL this is not what i intended to make when i sat down & started working on the bandAU#i had this big elaborate thing planned & then i realized... i didn't wanna do it. at least. not right now lol#idk why i think everything i make needs to be so elaborate & involved bc it doesn't?? like where did i get that idea from?#i can just make something small & silly sometimes yk#n e way. this is like. one of the kids' albums i guess? my thought is that dhes wrote it/was in charge of it#that's why he's on the cover.#kel writes most of their albums (w help from the others ofc) but dhes really wanted to try writing one & this is what came of it#most of the titles don't actually mean anything. they're just like. random words i thought dhes would use lol#but the first 3 are references to the canonverse#also i originally wanted to have dhes shirtless bc 1. symbolism of like vulnerability?#but also 2. i thought the lighting would look pretty against his skin#BUT he has a death note tattoo right there between his shoulder blades & i just.......... could not take him seriously like that so#he had to keep his clothes on
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when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts
but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!
and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?
welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast
anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.
#sbs rambles#fandom#fandom stuff#ao3#basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day#but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms#and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms#and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here#because I'm havin a blast#and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL#my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3#(double checks)#oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!!#my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!!#time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳#anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now#but buds. you can laugh at me#I'm thinkin about sam and cas#what's up with those guys?#fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean#:')#but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order#that's what I've realized#now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T#also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status#that's the rules
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So, as part of my language course, I had to give a speech in front of a bunch of teachers at my homophobic college, and me, being the rebel that I am, decided to do it on 'why aroace people deserve better representation'. The day arrived where I had to give it and I was so nervous because there were so many teachers and I was definitely not prepared. I said it and when I was done they were all silent. No questions, no claps, no nothing. Until the deputy head just said "see, they get it"
And that's how I found out that the deputy of a majorly homophobic college was, in fact, an aroace.
#aroace#aromantic#asexual#story time#like what possessed me at 3am to decide to do something worth 40% of my grade on something the school as a whole hated#I got full marks though probably because I was brave enough to do it on lgbtq#the guy before me wrote his entirely on chat GPT#and it was on why hard drugs should be legalised#so I guess the bar was set pretty low#lgbtq community#lowkey actually proud of myself
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fundamentally i disagree with the notion that Jeff Knows Everything because he read shauna's journals. that implies not only that shauna wrote in detail about Everything that happened during those nineteen months but most crucially it implies shauna wouldn't be an unreliable narrator
#unless i see him say out loud what things he knows shauna did specifically and how she felt about it i just do not believe he Knows#his reaction when shauna took that gun last ep? his dumbass idea that shauna just wants an adventurous husband?#that man is entirely unaware#idk what and HOW shauna wrote in her diary but she's like ten hundred layers of repression and fucked up urges#just imagining her trying to write her lil fucked up diary out there is breaking my brain#yellowjackets spoilers#i guess for the gun thing mention in the tags#i'll eat my words if i'm wrong but i do not think Jeff Knows Everything. jeff has some idea#based on whatever distorted version of events he reads abt in shauna's diary#but yeah no i do not think this man Knows there i said it#yellowjackets blogging
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@steddie-week day 1: Hunger | 1.1k words
cw: light angst in that Steve is a little sad/dealing with some mental stuff but like hurt/comfort (not EDs which mental stuff combined with the prompt word might make it seem like, hunger is used as a metaphor)
Sometimes Steve doesn’t talk to anyone for days. He just shuts himself in his room and hides, barely leaves his bed. Pretends he doesn’t exist, or that time has stopped and he’s the only thing that exists.
Sometimes, he’ll go back too soon, feel bad for the ignored calls and drag himself out of bed to see the people who matter most to him. But it won’t feel warm and soft those times. He’ll be too raw and It’ll feel like they’re grabbing his insides and eating them. Pulling his heart and brain out of his body and devouring them without letting him eat theirs in return.
Usually, he’s okay with that. He knows his place, he knows that’s what he’s for. For other people to get fed. And he’s happy to feed, to do that for them.
He loves them, of course he’s gonna give himself over. It’s just that sometimes they take too much. They don’t know they do he thinks, they don’t know they’re eating him alive. That he’s presenting himself on a silver platter and letting them take take take, and that sometimes they take too much.
That’s why he disappears, so he can grow back. So he can give more. Because if he stops giving he's afraid they’ll get tired. He won’t be useful, he can’t give when he’s like that. He starts craving, he starts wanting. He feels starved and wants to take and feed too, and that’s not part of the deal. He’s not supposed to eat, he’s supposed to be eaten. So when he turns hungry and ravenous he hides, he isolates.
Robin is the only one who truly gets this about him, who doesn’t take and demand. She gently accepts the things he gives and never without giving too, forcing him to stay whole. It’s overwhelming and sometimes he has to hide from that too, he doesn’t know how to deal with the force of it. He’s so used to the constant hunger it’s a shock when it’s gone but he’s gotten better. And anyway, he and Robin are part of one whole so whatever is given or taken between them is never really gone. It stays with both of them.
Robin is the only one, or she was the only one he should say. Because now there’s Eddie. Eddie who gives and gives and gives, almost as much as he does. But who doesn’t seem to dwindle and dim like Steve does. Who doesn’t seem to starve or hunger. Eddie who notices when Steve does, when he stumbles and gets greedy. Who holds him up and makes him whole with a look, a touch, a word.
Eddie who breaks in through his window when he shuts himself in his big empty house and lays with him in his bed, softly telling Steve stories and running his fingers through his hair.
It’s wonderful.
It's the worst.
“I’m afraid you’re gonna end up as empty as me,” Steve tells him, whispers it into the dark. “That you’re here now and you’re giving and I’m taking and you’re gonna be the one left with nothing.”
Eddie doesn’t respond immediately but hums in acknowledgment, lets him know he heard and is thinking.
“This is good for me too,” he says eventually, “being with you and resting. Getting to be here for you when you never used to let anyone but Robin be. It’s good for me too.”
“It can be good and still drain you.” Says Steve, knows it to be true. He doesn’t resent giving the way he does, he loves it, it’s good. It drains him.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, “this doesn’t drain me, you’re comforting me too. It’s balanced.”
Balanced. That’s what Robin tells him too. That’s what Nancy sometimes asked him for when they dated and he couldn’t let her see the cracks. That’s what he wonders about with his other friends.
He doesn’t usually know how to do that. He doesn’t know where the lines are. He doesn’t understand how Eddie knows.
“You let me give, and I let you give, so it’s balanced. We don’t take from each other, we gift and we receive. It’s balanced. You have to let other people give sometimes too, Steve.”
It hits something deep in him, the last words. He knows this, he doesn’t want to know it.
“I’m afraid they won’t. if I open myself up to it. If I ask, I’m afraid they won’t.” He says it so quietly it’s almost inaudible but Eddie hears.
His hands still in Steve’s hair for a moment before moving again, gently scratching his scalp.
“I know baby. But that’s not fair, they want to give too. If they knew how much they took without giving back they’d be heartbroken. It’s not fair to you or them.”
Steve lets Eddies words wash over him, he knows he’s right. They’d be nauseous with it. His sweet wonderful friends and family would be crushed.
“Sometimes it will happen, maybe,” Eddie continues when Steve doesn’t respond beyond a sharp breath in. “Sometimes people won’t know how to give after only getting but you gotta let them try. Sometimes they’ll learn and adjust, sometimes they won’t and you’ll have to deal with that. But you can’t starve yourself like this because you won’t let them try.”
"What if I take too much?"
"Then they talk to you, like you should talk to them."
“When did you get so wise,” Steve snorts, his voice is tight but he makes the effort, tries to lighten the mood. Deflects, like he always does.
Eddie lets him, a little, knows Steve has to. But he’s still serious when he answers.
“Wayne is like a never-ending well of insight and digging around in everything, never lets me get away with shit.”
The opposite of Steve’s parents who were the first to take from him and never give, never look into his eyes and tell him to eat.
“He’s a good guy,” Steve tells Eddie instead of weighing him down more than he already has. Instead of acknowledging and relieving the hunger pang that strikes him at the thought. Even now, here, he doesn’t know how.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “I’m here to relay his wisdom, like playing telephone with whatever stuff he teaches me. The things your parents took away from you.”
Eddie still knows, of course, he does. He always knows.
“And what do you get?” Steve has to ask.
“I get you. I get everything.”
Steve smiles, turns around to kiss Eddie. He doesn’t feel empty when Eddie kisses him back, hungry. When he takes and devours.
#i didn't think i was gonna be able to do steddie week becuase it crept up on me and i haven't kept up#and i wasn't gonna post this but like i wrote this in like 40 minutes in a haze and then went on tumblr and saw one of the#prompts for day 1 was hunger and i had literally just written this thing where i used hunger as a metaphor so i went back and reread it#and did some edits and now im posting it#which well i usually stick to humor in my writing so this is always scary but here we are#this is so different from what i usually post but this is also representative of like 70% of my notes app i just dont share#this kind of writing but fuck it i guess#my writing#dels steddie thoughts#steddieweek2023#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie#stranger things#steddie fic#steddie week
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Alenoah Week 2024: Day 3 - "TDWT Ending Rewrite"
The trek to the top of the volcano was, in layman's terms, agonizing.
Searing heat, somehow simultaneously swelteringly humid and suffocatingly dry, blistered at every inch of Noah's exposed skin and burned through his lungs like hot coals with every laboured breath. The sweat that would've been dripping from his exhausted body like a faulty faucet didn't even have the opportunity to form into pearl-shaped droplets before it evaporated against the overwhelming force of just how fucking hot it was.
And yet he'd made it.
He'd gotten there first, too.
Noah had somehow managed to out-slither the slippery fiend whilst the two were stumbling across the skipping stones of a lava lake, despite the weight of his pineapple dummy causing him to falter after almost every step.
The maw of the volcano bubbled and spat embers at his feet, just a few measly inches from the cynic himself. It was time to end it; the competition, the show, his… rivalry with Alejandro.
As if the mere thought of the Spaniard had somehow summoned him, Noah heard the tell-tale clicking of heeled boots against rock behind him quickly followed by harsh, laboured panting (not nearly as desperate as his own wheezing, but a far cry from the womanizer's usual composure). Alejandro's ponytailed hair rose from the plateaued peak of the volcano, followed by a pair of thick eyebrows furrowed against sweat-sheened skin, then a pair of furious sage green eyes- and sage was the most appropriate description Noah could think of, since they burned with a competitive fire comparable to the all-encompassing heat around them.
"It's over, Alejandro. I have the high ground."
Noah's voice was a hoarse, painful rasp, though whether it was from its unbearable dryness or the tenseness of the situation, he wasn't sure. He stood firmly at the edge of the volcano, searing light illuminating the edges of his form like a foreboding halo as he held Pinealejandro almost covetingly in a bridal carry, hovering the dummy over the scorching cavern of its imminent demise.
Alejandro- the human one, not the pineapple one- continued his unwavering ascent to the volcano's peak until he was but a few insignificant feet away from Noah. His shoulders visibly rose and fell with each huff of magma-scorched breath, and the barbaric snarl he bared towards the bookworm twisted his handsome features into something wild, alight with a passion that burned at white-hot as the lava below.
Then he roared.
"You underestimate my power!"
And lunged towards Noah, carelessly discarding his own pineapple dummy (comparatively twiggier and more feeble looking than Noah's own) as he cleared the space between them in the blink of a cinder-dusted eye.
"I will not lose to someone as infuriating as you!"
Before he could process what was even happening, Noah found himself scooped away from the edge of the volcano and lifted a few extra meters off of the ground, held victoriously above the latino in an overhead lift like he was some sort or glorified barbell. The shock of which inadvertently caused him to drop his own dummy, sending the construct tumbling into the bubbling, gaping chasm below until it plunged into the awaiting magma with a barely audible 'plop'.
For a brief tension-paused moment the two remained eerily still, almost frozen in place with disbelief (an impressive feat, considering it was far too fucking hot for anything to freeze atop the volcano).
Well.
That was that, then.
…It was sort of anticlimactic, really. Noah was almost disappointed.
"Um," The bookworm began, quickly schooling his surprise at being lifted and brandished like a javelin into his usual apathetic countenance, "Are you going to put me down, or…?"
Noah's enquiry was met a bark of high pitched laughter, a sound so entrenched in sardonic humour it was practically swimming in animosity.
"Ah, but Noah," Alejandro preened indulgently, as if he were speaking to a small child, and his snarl curled into a manic grimace. The archvillain's eyes were widened to their extreme, dying wisps of ember light flickering across his gaze which trailed from the waifish nerd held above his head to the boiling magma below.
"I still have a dummy to discard of."
In other words,
THROW THAT TWIG
INTO THE VOLCANO!!!
#enemies to lovers was yesterday today it's enemies AND lovers (and attempted murder)#what's more romantic than a competition fuelled hate-crush ultimately leading up to a final standoff atop a volcano?#listen i swear this is romantic. just in like a kismesis kind of way. (ew homestuck reference)#not gonna lie i kind of popped off with the writing on this one#considering i wrote it all in one sitting at 5am this morning#the art's cool too i guess#total drama#td noah#td alejandro#alenoah#alenoahweek2024#high effort shitposting#this is nothing it's literally nothing
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//
oppressive, burning, terrible Grace, or, on the divine Absence which is also divine Love
//
Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens // Graceless - The National // The Queen of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner // The Sparrow Duology: Children of God - Mary Doria Russell // The Witness for the Dead & The Grief of Stones - Katherine Addison // Piranesi - Susanna Clarke // The Return of the Thief - Megan Whalen Turner // The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare - GK Chesterton // The War of Vaslav Nijinksy - Frank Bidart // [x] - @ crawfish comic // post by @ intactics [deactivated] // This Hour and What is Dead - Li-Young Lee // Seven Swans -Sufjan Stevens // Hole Theory - Thomasin Francis // First Love/Late Spring - Mitski // [x] - @ slothu // Bad Blood - Bear's Den
#web weaving#faith tag#long post#uhhhh idk i want ppl to see this ive been cooking it in the back of my mind for ages but feel weird tagging it#uhhh??#christianity#i GUESS??#faith#god's silence#divine absence#i keep hesitating to post it thinking oh no im gonna think of smthn else to add to it IMMEDIATELY#and i KNOW I WILL. but i cant keep hedging my bets#ive been sitting on this since november#divine grace#divine love#where are the divine silence = divine grace = divine absence = divine love understanders#WHERE ARE THEY#maybe religious despair and religious fervour are adjacent flavours. to me#including mitski lyrics like. yes i am on my make everything about divine despair agenda. even romance. OOPS#medieval mystics who wrote abt god as a romantic lover and that despair and agony and longing. they knew what was up
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I've been going back and forth trying to decide whether I want to make the old ibvs oneshots be available on ao3 but every time I look at them I go into a state of shock at how… absolutely teenager they are
also this
#error asked calmly#also the narrator clarifies 'not as any kind of attack' immediately after which makes me insane#that is inherently an aggressive statement WHAT are you talking about#barry is f'ing doing free secret medical care on this guy#and edward is just like 'I've never considered whether you deserve to know how I got bruised and bloodied' BRUh#WHY IS EDWARD BRUISED AND BLOODIED#back when the plot of ibvs was edward beating the shit out of anyone who talked to him I guess#that barry and edward fic is nuts#knowing now that barry has a gf. and edward is the one that kisses him first without asking. I know stacy didn't exist yet but#the way its written is so ambiguous it makes it feel like barry could in fact be cheating on stacy which is so insane#old ibvs causes me a bit of psychic damage#I wrote those parts when I was 17-19. which explains the vibe of course#remember back when barry was edward's frenemy#and that's just that one fic. I'm not ready to look at the ones that came before it#random stuff
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hi….! any chance we can see your art process ? it’s fine if not! i was wondering if u do a sketch before your lines or you just skip directly to lineart? your art is very beautiful!
HI!!! AUGGHHHJHH THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH T__T my art style is kinda simple imo so my process is pretty bare-bones ^^;; there's not rly much too it!! it also kinda changes depending on how uhhhh lazy im feeling in the moment HAHA
probably around half of my drawings are straight to line art bc they're rly just doodles or things i decide to draw without any planning (but also im kinda impatient so i try to skip the sketching step if i can LOL...). but if i DO have a specific pose in mind for a drawing, i'll start with a sort of mannequin sketch or loose pass, then depending on how messy it is, ill either do the lineart pass on the layer on top or duplicate the sketch and then clean it up.
and then my coloring process is not sophisticated at all i just create a new layer and then paint bucket tool away LMAOOOO
here's an example of a drawing where i did sketch first ^_^
#clarification on the second image: usually when i make changes to the sketch i just go straight to lineart rather than doing a second pass#which i what i did for this drawing. i just like to minimize how many sketch passes i do (again bc i am impatient and lazy lol)#but also bc personally i get frustrated when my lineart doesnt turn out like my sketch so the solution my brain came up with is to..#...skip sketching i guess LMAO;;#idk if this was helpful or not AHGHAAH my process is rly nothing fancy and there's not much to show T_T;#ALSO OMFG IM SOOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO GKJFHDJG THIS WAS SENT LIKE A MONTH AGO I THINK T_____T#i saw this when i got off the plane coming home from a trip and then i remembered it a few days later#but then in the middle of writing my answer i left to eat dinner and forgot to save so when i came back the page refreshed#and deleted everything i wrote T____T AND THEN IFORGOT ABT IT AGAIN
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I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.
But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.
Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.
I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.
I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?
Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?
I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.
...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.
#yeah idk either i wrote this in a haze at 1 am#also i have not yet finished trimax so idk how these kinds of matters are going to be tackled or if i am way off base#if nothing else this kind of reads like one of my guilt spirals and writing it out made me realize how batshit insane i must sound#outside of my own head so if nothing else i guess it was kind of useful for that?#anyways. vash's solution to being hungry all the time is to pretend he isn't hungry for so long he doesn't know what he craves anymore#incredible.#on that note by contrast i'm intrigued by meryl and milly ordering their trademark food and drink with such confidence#also i do love how this fear of a part of himself conflicts so strongly with how incredibly confident he is otherwise#cool character choices you know?#aghhh ok i guess i'll post this before i chicken out. i can always delete it if i hate it after#trigun#trimax#tristamp#vash the stampede#storyrambles
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auror harry has caught malfoy red-handed
#my art#draco malfoy#drarry#harry potter#hpdm#it's not what it looks like!#idk why i wrote chinese LMFAOAOAOAO but i feel like this quote feels more smooth in cn#??? idfk what is the context of this. inspired by those fics where draco is a framed criminal i guess#tw blood#... again#sorry it was completely unecessary (but he looks so cute stained with blood icb#i wish i could find it in me to render a piece properly sometime#my wife the loml my glowing moon on a starless night#ok im gonna be very honest auror harry isnt my fav but i also like the concept of it and i think he looks really hot in the uniform so#sorry harry ive been neglecting you... i have a favourite tho
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now personally, i think as far as compelling romantic dynamics go from yj98 i think i lean more towards cissie and cassie (ALSO anitas big ass crush on cissie lmao) + kon and bart (aka kon’s big ass crush on bart) but i will say i still enjoy tim and kon’s friendship in it.
they’re so funny because they so obviously like each other. they’re best friends! or at least kon considers tim his best friend! but they’re so so so bad at showing it. they would gag excessively if they knew about the “you’re my robin…” scene. wdym you’re saying you like that guy??? just tape his favorite show while he’s in space on an insane mission??? simply beat up (or attempt to beat up) a guy on his behalf multiple times???
i dunno i just feel like kon’s viewpoint on the importance of trust and tim not telling the team his real identity is really interesting to explore. especially paralleled with adventure comics #3. the way tim so easily pulls down his cowl v.s. how it felt like pulllng teeth for him every time kon brought up secret identity issues. and mind you! a lot of that was match, but it still obviously really hurt him! especially with the entirety of what happens in owaw! (my beloved <3)
i cannot for the life of me think of the issue number but during sins of youth when kon and clark are switched and they talk about clark not bringing up his secret identity. and despite his chill demeanor, kon seems pretty hurt by it. he likes to know he’s trusted. it’s kind of the same thing with the legion in early sb94. i think his lack of secret identity initially also plays into this. like, he can talk about everything in his personal life because, well, his personal life and professional life are essentially the same thing. now cut to tim complaining about having to lie to his dad. and his friends (including young justice and even bruce). and his girlfriend(s).
their dynamic is obviously heavily impacted by where they are in their lives at that point and it’s so compelling to me specifically.
+ the way kon latches onto being able to say tim’s real name soooo bad after wwyj. like. okay girl…!
#all this to say… i like when they r complicated :-)#kon el#tim drake#yj98#meta tag#i guess?#i’m really just ranting about kon#as one does#can u tell i wrote an entire fic about this topic :3#yj our worlds at war save me… save me yj our worlds at war…#dc#what’s bro yappin about#timkon#robin 93 tag#sb94 tag#long post
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