Why is Hajime squirting Teru and Miu with a squirt gun? Isn’t he the horniest person on that bus?
everyone being horny for him doesn't have to mean he's horny back
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They made Sephiroth SO GAY in that Rebirth snippet
Are you saying Sephiroth ISN'T gay?
(I've been saying he was gay for two years now. Seeing SE validate my Sephcanons is very satisfying)
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Ranking Every Ganondorf In Terms Of Fuckability (my own personal thoughts)
I’m sorry.
Not really.
First (?) Ganon (Legend of Zelda 1986)
1/10, not my personal vibe. He looks like a cartoon circus bear? And I don’t like orange. I think he’d probably make weird snorting noises a lot?.
Link to the Past Ganon (1991?)
2/10? I don’t know about this guy. He’s just like a Blue pig man? And his claws look sharp. I guess it’s the same as fucking an orc? If that’s your thing.
Ocarina of Time Ganon (uhhh 1998)
4/10 So, he kinda looks like an evil goblin witch? Or Rumpelstiltskin, But I like his fit, and those THIGHS???. If he didn’t look like he wanted to steal my firstborn, It’d probably be a 5-6.
Wind Waker Ganon (2002)
3/10 So, honestly this one would probably get a 5, but he looks way more cartoonish in game, and that version just makes me uncomfortable. He looks like a lecherous clown man. I like his robe though, I bet it’s comfy.
Zelda Four swords (also 2002? I thinks)
1/10. There is no sentience in this guy. Like i can’t see this being anything but a horrible experience. He looks like a Blue Rottweiler on steroids. Not for me.
Zelda Twilight Princess (2006)
7/10 Oh my god FINALLY. Twilight Princess had all my first Zelda crushes (Midna my Beloved). To be honest, this Ganon still looks like a troll a little bit here, but he had STYLE. And he had dark evil vibes so?. (If Zelda doesn’t want to be held captive in the castle, you can take me instead 👀).
Zelda Skyward Sword Ganon (2011).
5/10. So, first off. Yeah, this is technically Demise, but whatever. Anyway, while Groose, Gira, and Impa were clearly the hotties of this game, Demise is a DEMON KING and that’s not something I would ever willingly pass up. However that man is going to have to wear socks or something because those-eugh-those TOES?. No.
Zelda Hyrule Warriors (2014)
8.5/10. Jesus Christ. Forgive me Lord but this MAN. The armour, the hair, the build. I hope I’m not the next reincarnated Hero because Hyrule is DOOMED if they’re gonna try and make me stand against THIS?.
Zelda Breath of the wild. (2017).
2/10. I still don’t even know what this is. No matter how many times I play. Calamity Ganon? More like catastrophe Ganon because he is hurting my eyes. This haunts my dreams.
Zelda Tears of the Kingdom (2023) SPOILER??.
9/10. Listen. I loved Sonia as much as we all did, but I’m just saying that if I had been the one stabbed, and it was by this guy??. Well? Everyone deserves a second chance. Also I don’t think I’ve ever seen shirtless Ganon? (Scaley Demise don’t count) and I wholeheartedly approve of this design choice.
I knows there’s a few other Ganon’s? But I don’t know those bitches, so I’m not rating them. Anyway, I decided to do this on a whim because it seemed fun. Don’t take this super seriously, or do take it seriously? I don’t think it matters. Ganons a vibe.
Next time im gonna rate Beedles, because he’s the love of my life.
(Also this has been in my drafts for two days, and I’m finishing it up when I’m half asleep, so I might edit it if there’s other things to say.)
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