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parkerslatte · 17 days

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It’s Been a Long, Long Time

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: memory loss.

Summary: The last time Azriel had seen his mate was nearly four centuries ago. The bond went silent and for those many years, Azriel believed his mate was dead. As he sits with Elain in her garden, the bond suddenly comes alive once again.

A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist

•••

The day Azriel lost his mate, he was in agony. Not because of the pain, no. It was because of the lack of knowledge if she was alive or not. The bond fell quiet and Azriel could hardly grasp onto it. It was as if he were trying to catch smoke. There was nothing to touch. For years he searched for her, he never wanted to give up. He knew that every moment he waited, she could be in danger.

Even long after she disappeared, Azriel still searched. However, as the centuries ticked by, Azriel began to lose hope. He was sure he had searched every possible location. There was no trace of Y/N.

Azriel sat with Elain in her garden. He had noticed a positive change in the middle Archeron sister for the past few months. When Rhys tasked him to watch over Elain and help her adjust, he originally hated the idea. But he knew the reason why Rhys had set him the task. It was coming up to the 400th anniversary since Y/N had disappeared.

As Azriel looked down at the ring in his hands, he could feel his heart plummet. Even if being around Elain had helped distract himself as she explained all of the flowers to him and their various meanings, the closer it got to the anniversary of Y/N’s disappearance, Azriel felt himself slip away from everyone and everything.

The ring was still beautiful even after all this time. Azriel made sure it was. Despite vowing to never take off her wedding ring, Y/N always took it off before bed, deeming that it was uncomfortable when she rested her head upon her hand to sleep. But the first thing she did every morning was slip the ring back upon her finger. The night she was taken it had been no different except one thing, Azriel had not been there. His job had kept him away for an extra day, and for the first time since they were mated and married, Azriel had not fallen asleep next to Y/N. He had regretted that for four hundred years. The only reminder of her was the ring he found on her bedside cabinet that morning.

“Azriel!” The sound of Elain’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Sorry?” He lifted his gaze from the ring and met Elain’s.

“I asked you what that was,” Elain said, gesturing down to the ring in his hand.

Azriel stilled. He never liked speaking about it with anyone but Rhys or Cassian. But seeing how Elain’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern, he could tell that a saddened expression had slipped onto his face.

Azriel sighed. “It was my mate’s wedding ring.”

“Mate?” Elain said, her expression falling slightly.

Azriel cringed internally. He knew about Elain’s small crush on him. She did not hide it well. Though he did not return her feelings, he still enjoyed her company. With her, she understood when he just wished to sit in silence and when he didn’t want to talk, she continued the conversation on her own.

Perhaps there was a time where he could have retired her feelings, Elain was rather beautiful, but she would never compare to Y/N. Azriel had never had another relationship after Y/N disappeared. He only ever wanted Y/N and he would only ever want her.

“Yes,” Azriel said, swallowing hard. “She- she disappeared four-hundred years ago. I was never able to find her.”

The small hurt expression on Elain’s face changed to one of sympathy. “Azriel, I am so sorry.”

Azriel nodded and looked back at the ring. “I have looked everywhere and there is no trace of her. I have always felt…empty since she disappeared. She was part of my soul that I have never gotten back.”

Elain dropped the bulbs she was holding back into her basket. “How do you know she is not out there? You couldn’t have searched everywhere on the planet?”

“I have searched everywhere where it was possible to take her,” Azriel answered. “I have found absolutely nothing.”

“Then believe that she is still out there,” Elain said.

“Elain, it has been nearly four-hundred years,” Azriel said. “I gave up hope of her still being alive a long time ago.”

“Do you still love her?” Elain asked.

“More than anything,” Azriel said instantly. “I haven’t been with anyone after she disappeared. I tried, about two-hundred years ago but I couldn’t do it. It felt so wrong. No one will ever compare to her.”

“Then you shouldn’t give up hope,” Elain said. “You don’t give up hope on those you love.”

Azriel did not reply. He simply looked back down at the ring once more. It was centuries old yet it still looked brand new. Azriel made sure that the silver band never tarnished. Made sure that the gem never stopped sparkling. It looked the same as the day he had slipped it onto her finger. Elain, sensing Azriel wished to no longer talk about the topic, returned back to her garden.

Ever since Y/N had disappeared, Azriel had always felt like he had lost part of his soul, and he supposed he had. Y/N was everything to him. She was who he lived for. She was the one and only love he ever needed, ever wanted. The night the bond snapped for them was one Azriel would never forget. Even if he tried, he would never be able to forget it. The initial shock then the pure feeling of the love she sent him. For the first time in his life, Azriel knew what it was like to be loved so deeply and unconditionally. It did not matter whether he deserved it or not. When he was with Y/N, none of that mattered. All that mattered was him and her and the fact that they were together.

As Azriel tucked the ring back into his breast pocket, a large surge of emotion was brought to life within him. He clutched at his chest. Azriel cried out.

“Azriel?” Elain questioned, shooting to her feet. “Are you okay?”

Her voice was muffled as Azriel continued to claw at his chest. Something was threatening to burst through.

“Something is different,” he forced out.

“Do I need to get anyone?” Elain asked.

“Rhys,” Azriel said. “I need Rhys.”

Elain nodded and ran out of the garden and into the house in search of his brother.

Azriel tried to stand but fell to his knees immediately. He could barely breathe. The pressure in his chest was gradually increasing and he could not place the feeling anywhere.

“I have Rhys,” Elain said, rushing back into the garden, Rhys following behind her.

“Az, what’s wrong?” Rhys asked, kneeling down next to him.

“I don’t know,” Azriel said, breathing heavily. “There is a pressure in my chest. I don’t know what it is.”

“What were you doing before it started?” Rhys asked.

“Telling–” Azriel cut himself off as he yelled out. The pressure was becoming worse and Azriel was sure that if he tried to repress it anymore, it would surely kill him. “Telling Elain about Y/N.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Elain asked quietly, standing a small distance away.

“Az, you need to relax,” Rhys said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t,” Azriel said through gritted teeth.

“The pressure will kill you if you don’t relax,” Rhys said sternly. “So, please, relax.”

Azriel met Rhy’s eyes and stopped clawing at his chest. The pain in his chest gradually got worse and worse. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

“Rhys,” Azriel whispered, his voice full of pain. “I can’t…”

“Yes you can,” Rhys said. “Just relax, Az.”

Azriel closed his eyes and relaxed his body, letting the pain overtake his body until he cried out once again. However as soon as he cried out, the pain stopped and a new feeling overtook his body. It was overwhelming and Azriel backed away from Rhys’s touch.

“Azriel,” Rhys said. “What is it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t–”

Azriel cut himself off as a familiar feeling rose within him. This time he didn’t claw at his chest, he gently placed his hand upon it. The emotions he was feeling weren’t his. They were someone else’s. Azriel hadn’t felt this way in a long time. He had forgotten what it felt like. But it felt right.

“The mating bond,” Azriel said. “I feel the mating bond.”

Even Rhys looked shocked as he looked at Azriel. “Are you sure?”

Azriel nodded. “I can feel it. I can feel her, Rhys.”

Tears sprung to Azriel’s eyes. He tugged on that bond that had lain dormant for four hundred years. It was weak though he felt her tug back. Azriel could have sobbed at that feeling alone.

“Take me back to my home, Rhys,” Azriel said.

The home Azriel shared with Y/N. He hadn’t entered it in a long time. He could never bring himself to. Every single time he tried, he couldn’t open the door. That house was the home he made with Y/N and Azriel did not want to be there if she wasn’t.

“Are you sure?” Rhys asked.

“I’m sure,” Azriel said. “She is there, Rhys. I can feel it.”

Rhys nodded and winnowed them to the outside of Azriel’s home on the outskirts of Velaris. As soon as they arrived, Azriel could already smell the familiar scent of his mate. He pushed away from Rhys and opened the front door.

And there she was.

Y/N stood in the middle of the room looking around with her hands on her hips. “You could have dusted, Az.”

Azriel simply couldn’t believe it. “Y/N? Are you really here?”

Y/N smiled softly and Azriel nearly collapsed right there. That smile was always in his dreams but seeing it again in person…

Azriel rushed over to her and scooped her in his arms as they both sank to the floor. Azriel couldn’t stop the sobs that came from him and neither could Y/N. The bond between them hummed happily. Four hundred years of being apart and now finally being reunited. It was something Azriel had given up on a long time ago.

“How are you here?” Azriel mumbled, his sobs subsided but his tears didn’t. “I thought you were dead.”

Y/N pulled away from the hug and cupped Azriel’s cheeks and wiped away the tears. “You are exactly as I remember. It has been so long since I remembered what you looked like.”

“What do you mean?” Azriel asked.

Y/N sighed and held onto Azriel tighter, as if she were afraid she was going to be taken once more. “The night I was taken, I was drugged, they wanted me for my power of healing and I refused to give in. They were bad men and I was not going to help them no matter how hard they tried to convince me. They drugged my food to make me compliant but the only thing I could think about was you and our bond. Once they realised who I was and who I was mated to, they gave me another drug. This time it was one to dampen the power of the mating bond. It made me stop feeling you.”

“I remember that night,” Azriel said. “I thought you blocked it off.”

Y/N shook her head. “Once the mating bond was dampened, they drugged me with something else. Over time I began to forget things, important things. My name, where I came from, my family, my friends…you.”

Azriel wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body flush against his. The sound of her heart beating was enough to bring a new surge of tears to his eyes. He never thought he would hear it again.

“They took me to a place on the continent, an entire city deep below ground with its own artificial sun and moon, whole fields and towns. Once I did not remember anything, they gave me a new identity and a whole new life.”

“You didn’t remember me?” Azriel asked.

“I didn’t,” Y/N said sadly, threading her fingers in his hair. “But I always felt that there was a part of me missing. Even though the mating bond was repressed, I always felt that something was not quite right.”

Azriel’s heart fell. This whole time he had been in agony that his mate had been missing, while she did not remember him at all. “How did you escape?” he asked.

“If you believe me or not, there are good people in that community, incredible people,” Y/N said. “They helped me flush the drugs from my system and helped me remember who I once was.”

“The bond?” Azriel asked. “Did they help with that?”

Y/N shook her head. “Once the drugs were from my system and I was finally above ground, I felt you. I winnowed back here instantly. Consider me surprised when this house looks exactly the same as when I left four-hundred years ago.”

“I haven’t been able to come back here since you were taken,” Azriel whispered, his voice soft and vulnerable.

Y/N caressed his face and wiped his tears away. “Oh, my darling. I am here now. Only if you still want me, of course.”

Azriel frowned. “Why wouldn’t I want you?”

“Az, my love, it has been four-hundred years. I would understand if you moved on in those years,” Y/N said.

Azriel shook his head. “There has been no one else. I tried almost two centuries ago but I couldn’t do it. All I wanted was you.” When Azriel looked at her face again, he nearly burst into tears once more. It had been so long since he had looked into those loving eyes. The type of love he once thought he never deserved. “If you had found anyone, I would understand. You didn’t remember me.” Just that statement alone made Azriel hurt all over again.

Y/N sighed a pained noise. “I won’t lie to you and say that there was no one, Azriel. There were a couple of people I have been with over the past four centuries.”

A new surge of tears streamed down Azriel’s cheeks as he gripped onto Y/N tighter.

“But,” she continued, “there has been no one for many years and no one ever stuck around long. I could never fully commit. It was as if my body knew that it was wrong. I did like a few people but I never loved them. I could never love anyone more than I love you.”

“I never want you to go anywhere again,” Azriel whispered into her hair. “I missed you so much.”

Azriel’s fingers tangled in her hair as he rested his forehead against hers. Her soft breath fanned his face and Azriel swore he could nearly faint. Her scent, her touch, her breath. They were all things Azriel never thought he would ever witness again.

“I am never going anywhere again,” Y/N mumbled. “I will remain beside you forever, my love.”

Azriel reluctantly unwrapped one hand from around Y/N and reached into his pocket and pulled out her ring. Y/N gasped once she saw it.

“You kept it?” She asked.

“Of course I kept it,” Azriel said. “I always have it on me. It was the only thing I had that reminded me of you.”

Y/N wiped her tears away as Azriel took her hand gently in hers and slid the ring onto her finger. “Perfect,” he whispered.

Y/N looked him in the eyes. The love she held within them was something Azriel never forgot. He would see them in his dreams and nightmares. It was something he never thought he would see in person again.

“Can I kiss you?” Azriel asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Y/N smiled. “Az, I am your mate and your wife. There might have been a four century gap in our relationship but those two facts do not change. I love you. Of course you can kiss me. Kiss me until you can’t anymore.”

The shadowsinger smiled. “Then I’m afraid we will be here a while.”

Azriel finally kissed his mate and wife for the first time in four hundred years.

#azriel fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #azriel fanfic #azriel angst #acotar #a court of thorns and roses

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finelinevogue · 4 months

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a winter solstice like no other

summary - exchanging on winter solstice gifts leads to new revelations

pairing - azriel x reader

word count - ~2k

It was the night before Winter Solstice.

The house was full of laughter and love as fae’s alike drank mulled wine and snacked on Christmas puddings.

There was an air of happiness that hadn’t been around for the longest time. It was peaceful and comforting. Family was important sound this time of year and you were glad you had a good one to spend it with.

You were quite happily sitting in the corner sofa, tucked under a blanket you had knitted, drinking hot cocoa whilst the others danced near the log burning fire.

“Mind if I sit here?”

You turned to see Azriel ask you for a seat next to you.

“Of course. You don’t have to ask, Az.” You smiled at him, pulling the blanket back so he could sit down.

His large frame took up most of the rest of the sofa, so you threw the blanket over the top of you to keep you nice and warm.

“How are you enjoying this year’s Winter Solstice?” He asked you.

“Better than last year.”

Last year had been a truly sad one for you; spending it alone in a home that wasn’t even yours anymore. The war had taken everything from you, but in return it gave you this wonderful family and more than several places to call home.

It was Azriel who had found you cold and alone, and it was Azriel who took you to his family when you need people the most.

Everyone had warmly greeted you.

You had never expected to find another family.

And you certainly had never thought you’d find your mate because of it.

But here Azriel was. Your mate.

Your mate who didn’t know he was yours.

Every moment you spent close to him, you wondered how he couldn’t possibly feel the magic that you felt for him. His eyes didn’t light the same for you as yours did for him, which is the only way you knew he didn’t know yet.

You didn’t want to force him into something that he wasn’t ready for, though. Especially when he clearly had some feelings for Elain.

The three brothers and three sisters seemed destined to be, and yet you had mated to Azriel. There was almost an element of being terrified that you’d ruined a natural order if you accepted the bond between you and Azriel when Elain was right there.

“Present time!” Cassian cheered, breaking you from your thoughts.

Cassian jumped over the back of the sofa to land next to his mate; Nesta.

“You imbecile.” Nesta punched him when he knocked the wine in her hands onto her leggings.

“I love you too.” Cassian kissed her head in return, making everyone chuckle.

Everyone had their presents under the tree already, but you had left yours upstairs just because you didn’t want to intrude on their space.

You pulled the blanket off you and stood up, Azriel’s hand catching you and making you jolt with electricity.

“You okay?” He asked, looking concerned.

“Yes.” You chuckled at his worry, “Just going to get some things. Save me a seat.”

“I will.” He let go of your hand and you went off.

Your room was tucked in a small corner of the house, as you didn’t want to take up too much room. A lot of the rooms had already been taken so there wasn’t much choice, but your room was beautiful nonetheless.

It overlooked the mountains of Velaris and into the valley below. If you ever needed a reminder of how lucky you were, all you had to do was look out your window.

You picked up your presents in your room, collecting them in your arms. You tried to juggle them as you went to open the door, only for them to spill on to the floor and go everywhere.

“Oh, Mother above.” You mumbled, picking them all up again.

Once you had made your way downstairs, you re-entered the living room only to find your seat next to Azriel taken.

Elain had joined him.

Azriel didn’t look overly happy that she was there and he kept playing with a loose thread on the blanket you’d made as a distraction.

No matter, you smiled as you entered and handed out gifts to everyone.

Everyone thanked you as you passed out their respective gifts.

“You didn’t have to do this, Y/N.” Rhys spoke. “I haven’t been able to offer you the full wage you deserve this year.”

“And you’ve apologised for that countless times, Rhys. Yet, you forget you don’t charge me rent here so I don’t mind spending my wages on you and your family.” You handed him his gift.

“We’re your family too, remember.” Feyre smiled and thanked you as you gave her hers.

“I know. I wake up grateful every day.” You reshuffled the gifts to get a second for Feyre, “And an extra something for your birthday.”

“You are bad, Y/N… I told you not to.” Feyre tutted you.

“You deserve it.”

“Y/Ns right, darling.” Rhys kissed Feyre’s forehead.

You wandered back to Azriel and Elain, only holding one more gift.

“Oh.. Mother…” You started to swear.

“What is it?” Azriel asked.

“I must’ve dropped your gift on the way downstairs Az. I’m sorry, I’ll just…”

“Hey, it’s fine. You can pass it me later.”

“You sure?” You asked, feeling bad.

“Mhm.” He warmly smiled and leant back into the sofa.

You handed Elain her gift, before rounding the room to sit on the window seat just to the side of the room. You would’ve sat on a sofa, but there was no room left and you were the last to join the inner circle so it only made sense.

“Are we ready?” Cassian asked, looking around the room. “Then let’s go!”

Everyone began unwrapping, oohing and awwing over their gifts.

“Y/N..!”” Rhys laughed.

You smiled brightly as you noticed Rhys had opened his gift. You knew that he had been complaining that his feet had been getting so cold recently, so you had decided to knit him some slipper socks. They were in a gorgeous black with silver blobs that were meant to look like stars.

“Are they okay?” You asked shyly.

This was your first year of gift giving and you didn’t want to do it wrong.

“Perfect! Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. Just a tiny thank you for helping me this past year.”

“You know we don’t need your thanks, Y/N, but you’re welcome anyways.”

As they continued opening presents and you opened yours, everyone was grateful and happy. Cassian was miffed that he got gag-gifts, but then again he hadn’t bought anything serious for anyone else.

You got to your gift from Azriel and stopped before you could tear, setting it to the side.

You looked up to Azriel and he was frowning at you, possibly thinking you didn’t care to open his gift. You gave him your kind eyes before he could think further.

“I’ll wait for you.” You mouthed across the room.

He smiled and nodded in agreement.

His gaze was broken from you as Elain nudged him to open her gift for him.

He slowly unwrapped the gift and everyone stopped to see what had made him gasp.

He slowly pulled out a Sapphire gem. A real and rare one. It was a gem that was meant to fit perfectly into his Truthteller blade.

“W-wow.” He raised his eyebrows in shock.

“I saw it the other day and just knew it was for you!” Elain giggled.

“This is far too much.” He shook his head.

“Oh please… It’s barely anything.”

You gulped at the site. If Elain thought that was nothing then your gift for him was truly worthless.

A rare gem? There was no competition, but if there were then Elaine would have won before you’d even started.

You wished more than anything that you could afford a lovely present like that for Az, but your money was often spent elsewhere through charity or simple living bills.

Everyone looked upon the two of them carefully.

Feyre knew that Azriel was your mate because you were making yourself miserable by keeping it to yourself, which obviously meant that Rhys had to know. So they didn’t look too comfortable with the gift exchange.

Rhys was trying to contact you through his mind tricks, but you didn’t let him. Not because you didn’t care, but because you knew you’d be upset the moment he tried to console you.

Whilst Elain and Az continued to have their moment, your own heart breaking a little, you quietly made your way out of the room.

You ran upstairs as quick as you could and shut your bedroom door behind you.

Opening the window, you stuck your head outside and let out a big breath - letting everything go. You felt like you could cry, but nothing good would come of that so you tried to console yourself the best you could with the fresh air and view of Velaris below.

“You o–”

“Mother of…” You turned around so quickly that you hit the side of your head on the glass window.

“Oh Gods, Y/N!” Az exclaimed as he shut the door behind him and ran over to you.

His hands took ahold of your face carefully, tilting your head to the side where you’d hit it. Instead of a pink mark, he noticed the tears instead.

“Hey, what’s with the tears?” He softly asked, wiping a thumb over your soft cheek.

“Sorry!” You laughed, “It’s been a bit much today already.”

“Tell me about it.” He answered sarcastically, before continuing. “I mean… a sapphire?” He whispered the last bit.

“Oh.. Yes. That - uhm - that was very thoughtful of Elain.” You took a step back from Azriel, wiping under your eyes.

You leant back against the windowsill and looked towards Azriel. He was carefully watching you like he didn’t quite understand something about you.

“What?” You asked.

“I have something for you.” He said, sitting back on your bed. He patted the spot next to you and you - not too eagerly - went and sat next to him.

He handed over a small blue wrapped box, as delicately wrapped as a professional would have done.

“It better not be a sapphire.” You joked.

“Oh better give it back then.” He tried to reach back for it, but you laughed and pulled it away. Turning back, you didn’t expect him to still be so close.

The bond inside of you was fluttering like a billion butterflies wings. You cleared your throat and looked down at the gift again, making Azriel lean back a bit.

You carefully opened it and found the box beneath the paper. It had a little infinity sign engraved in silver on the top of it.

You furrowed your eyebrows and swallowed back the growing lump at the back of your throat.

“Az…”

He stayed quiet.

“T.. This is from the ‘Bonded Mates’ gift shop.”

“I know.”

You gulped and turned towards him, tears in your eyes as the warmth in your chest started growing and growing. Your heart felt like it was growing three sizes and your chest was being directly pulled towards his.

“You… You know.” You let out a soft sob.

Azriel’s tears built up in his own eyes, “I do.” He nodded, confirming what you thought.

“Az.. For how long?”

“Since the day I met you.”

You let out another sob, feeling slightly more than overwhelmed right now. You nodded your head continued to look into his eyes, seeing your other half look back at you.

“You never said. I thought you liked Elain.”

“I must admit, even I thought I liked Elain at the very beginning, but I slowly realised I was only trying to like her for the sake of the ‘three brother’s and three sisters’ hypothesis. In reality, all I felt was a tug towards you and every day since I have tried my best to not overwhelm you because all I want to do is bond with you.”

“You knew! All this time.” You cupped his cheek and he leant into it willingly.

“Yeah.”

You leaned closer to him and his face, “So did I.” Azriel smiled so widely at that, “And I accept you. For infinity.”

“And I accept you, for anything and beyond infinity.”

His lips touched yours before you could even take a breath. You chest tugged towards his and your heart felt like it was overloaded with love and power. You felt yourself literally tether to Azriel and it was quite possibly the best feeling in the world.

Before you could both get carried away you pulled back.

“Wait, wait, wait…” You gasped.

“What?” Azriel looked concerned.

“Your gift!” You stood up, wiping under your eyes yet again.

“Oh screw the gifts.” He tugged on your hand so you fell back on the bed, back laying flat.

Azriel creeped over you and held his weight up above you.

“Az!” You laughed. “Get off, you big brute!”

You tried to push him off but he was as steady as a mountain. He couldn’t be moved and you accepted your defeat with a huff and a smile, allowing him to watch you.

He was quiet for a moment, no telling why he pulled you back. It seemed like he was simple mesmerised with every detail of you.

“What?” You asked.

“I’m just grateful that it was you.”

You knew the ‘it’ in question was the bond and you had to gulp back another set of fresh tears.

Instead, you leaned up and kissed him again. Softly pressing your lips into his and kissing him like he deserved to be kissed. He’d been waiting, what felt like an eternity, so might as well show him why he was made to wait all this time.

You moved back down but Azriel followed you. His arms cupped themselves over your head and encased you beneath his wholly.

He didn’t let his lips free from yours, not even for one breath. You both felt like you were each other’s air. Azriel kissed and kissed you like he would never get to kiss you like this again, even though it was your first time.

“Az..” You tried to pull away again.

“Try and stop me from kissing you again and see what happens.” He warned you, and you responded by tugging his hair at the back of his neck. He moved back at the flinch of pain.

“Listen to me.” You smiled.

“No.”

And he leant back down to start kissing you again, moving his lips in such a way that you were starting to forget everything other than him.

You sneakily moved your hand up beneath his caged arms and attempted to capture his cheeks to stop him, but his shadows already knew your plans and caught your arm along the way. The shadows pinned your arm up behind your head and you huffed into your kiss.

“I don’t know whether to be offended that you keep wanting to get away from me, or not.” Az stopped kissing you to speak.

“You should. I want my gift.” You pouted.

“Oh. Do you now? Well I want to kiss my mate to make up for all our lost years, so I guess I’ll just do that instead.” He was about to lean back down to you but his shadows held him back instead. “What?”

“Seems they can listen to my thoughts now. Now stand down, Sir.”

He didn’t get much of a choice as his shadows pulled you off him and allowed you to slip away.

“You little demons.” Az groaned but allowed them to anyways, because it was worth seeing the smile as your opened your gift.

It was the daintiest bracelet you’d ever seen with a tiny little dagger charm on it. You absolutely loved it and were more happy to receive this than a thousand chariots of gold.

“Thank you. Put it on for me, please.”

You held out the bracelet and your wrist to Azriel and he carefully took both and put it on. It looked perfect against your skin and Azriel couldn’t help but smile that a little part of him was worn by you.

“Beautiful.” He said, kissing the back of your hand.

“It is. You chose well.”

“I honestly didn’t think this would have gone as well at it has. I was starting to think you’d never feel the bond.”

“The feelings mutual, darling.” You chuckled. “Now!”

You started rummaging around the room to find Az’s gift. You looked everywhere until you found it rolled away, tucked in a corner.

You grabbed it and walked over to Azriel. You stood in front of him as you handed it over.

“Happy Solstice.” You smiled.

“Thank you.” He said before opening it gently, savouring the time and effort you put into the wrapping.

As he opened it, you remembered how insignificant it was compared to Elain’s gift.

“Now, I know it’s nothing too extraordinary but I know how sensitive your hands get in the cold so I…”

“You knitted me fingerless gloves?” Az held up the deep blue coloured gloved, the tips of the fingers missing. There was a mitten like part to it that could fold over the fingers should he wish to keep them warm.

“I know it’s not a sapphire, but…”

“It’s not.” He said and you nodded, “It’s better.”

The smile on your face was unmistakable and he wanted to see you smile like that every damn day for the rest of your existence.

“Okay.” You said, trying to believe him.

“No, come here.” He pulled on the back of your waist until you toppled into him and straddled him on his lap. “It’s better. Best gift ever and not just because it came from you. It was so thoughtful. Thank you.”

You leant forwards to kiss his inviting lips.

And not for the last time, that was now for certain.

#azriel x reader #azriel #azriel fanfic #azriel blurbs #azriel acotar blurbs #azriel acotar fic #azriel fic rec #acotar fic #a court of thorns and roses

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 7 months

Text

Pretty like the wind

a/n Part one! this was born last night after a had a little cry over everything that's been going on lately. Oh, and you are free to listen to black friday by tom odell. ✨

was inspired by a request but I don't want to spoil anything so I won't answer the ask just yet.

warning: past trauma, implied violence.

Next chapter

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Love was one thing Azriel had dreamed about. Longed for. He had longed for it since he was born. He had known his mother's kind hands. Had felt a touch of tenderness, but those memories had been swept away. Buried. Shoved deep within him. Been burned out of him. Azriel had welcomed the mask of steel. Had wanted nothing more than to hide behind the tight, cold shield.

He had grown tired of being the victim. Of being shoved around. He wanted to be the one people ran from. He wanted to possess that power. To be someone people dreaded. To never fall again. To never be the one to yield. So, he welcomed the power the brotherhood with Rhys and Cassian brought him. He found strength in his brothers. They helped him up until Azriel was strong enough to stand on his own two feet.

Azriel had learned to live with the pain. He endured it. Let the scars bleed out. Let them scab over. He knew they would never truly fade. Mother, his hands were enough of a reminder of that. But they had settled enough. Settled enough for Azriel to want to live. He had found purpose in Rhys's court. Rhys had given him that. And Azriel was thankful for that in more than one way.

But the clenched grip of Amarantha had messed it all up. Had put so many things in motion. Had plucked out so many souls. Had woven so many lives. Had brought so much heartbreak. So much trauma and sleepless nights. That same helplessness. Yet it also brought Feyre to Rhys. It had brought Nesta to Cassian. But left Azriel empty-handed.

And the spymaster had observed them all. He had spent countless hours watching the love blossom right in front of him. He had caught onto the ways his brothers looked at their lovers. There was always something special about a gaze like that. It was unmistakable. So loud. Drenched with so many emotions, sometimes unnoticeable for the lovers but so clear for the ones who looked from the side.

That's when Azriel had grown restless. Careless. Desperate. He was ready to step on the values he treasured. The laws he believed in. He went as far as reaching for an already mated female. She was lost. Everyone should have sensed that. The world. The obligations they brought frightened her. And Azriel took advantage of that. He had told himself that this was right. That had to be. Three sisters for three brothers. But even with Elain wrapped up in his arms, the roaring didn't ease. But Azriel refused to let go.

Refused until Rhys stepped in. Until the high lord had done something he vowed to never do, Rhys forced Azriel to his knees with his magic. The spymaster could still hear the roaring tone, "I warned you. This thing you are doing is out of order. Elain is a mated woman, Azriel". Oh, how he had fought. How Azriel had said it over and over, the world he had made himself believe in. Three sisters for three brothers. Just that didn't reach Rhys, and when Azriel woke up in an unknown room, he knew the punishment he was to face was like no other.

Rhys had knocked politely on your mental shield that night. It was way too late. But you cracked the locks open. "Can I winnow to the sanctuary?", it was such a simple question. Yet it left you frowning. The lines on your face only deepened when you saw your high lord, followed by a male who held another unconscious body.

"I apologize for the inconvenience", Rhys stated. He was angry. Tired? You couldn't pinpoint the emotion. Drained - that seemed the most fitting. "What's... Is your soldier in need of healing?", you questioned calmly, already moving to roll up your sleeves. "In some ways...", Rhys breathed, and that's how you came to know the story of the man who had lost himself in search of love. The man who had crumbled under his demons. Male Rhys had sent to the oldest sanctuary in the Velaris Mountains. In hopes of mending the broken pieces.

Azriel did not leave his room after he regained consciousness. He was stripped of his daggers. The gift to winnow was without doubt taken away by Rhys himself. Oh, how much he had cursed his brother in the first days. He roared as he threw furniture around the small room. He growled loudly when they were all replaced by magic right in front of him. Oh, Azriel imagined how much pleasure Rhys was having watching this.

You had chosen to seek him out on his fifth day here. You had come every day, but the sheer sounds of distraction from within made you halt every time. Today, it all seemed a lot quieter. Too quiet, even. You knocked a couple of times. Not surprised when you didn't get the answer. You knew that the sanctuary provided him with food and water, but you didn't want him to feel like a prisoner.

He looked rough. You doubted he had bathed in the days he had been here. The air inside was thick. He had drowned out the light almost completely with his shadows. They swarmed around him frantically. You frowned at the harsh light that threatened to cave in on his darkness. Quickly moving your wrist, you drew back the sharp rays of light. The room dimmed.

"Hey", you breathed out quietly, "I wanted...", but the wave of darkness poured towards you, pushing you against the wall, making you gasp. "Where am I?", Azriel didn't sound human-like. An animal ridden with anger. "You're safe...", you breathed out. "That's not what I asked you!", Azriel roared. His fist shook right in front of you. "What will you do, spymaster, hit me?", you moved to push off the wall slightly. "You might be angry. The hell itself might be burning inside you for all I care", you said, opening your palms and waving threads of light through them. "But you were brought here for a reason, and you can cry like a little boy, but you will not raise a hand against any breathing creature that lives beneath this roof", your wild eyes met his. A battle of power deep-rooted. You weren't too surprised when a roar left Azriel's mouth. Thick clouds of darkness forming. You just worked faster. Suppressing it. Capturing it in the smoothness of warmth. Taking Azriel along with it. Even if that was the last thing you wanted to do,

"You will have to accept my apologies", Rhys had his head in his hands after you had been summoned into his office. He felt guilty; you couldn't mistake that emotion even if you wanted to. "Wipe that thought away", you said quietly, "He picked a fight with me. Your intervening would have caused more damage". Rhys let out a sigh. "I don't recognize him, Y/N.", the high lord shook his head, "I look at him. I look through his head, and... I don't see the same male I knew for centuries".

You made your way towards the window. "Do you remember the night you came to me after you realized that Feyre was your mate?" The question had made the high lord stiffen. He was grateful that you chose the word came instead of crawl. "Your heart was desperate, and your mind was full of roaring demons," you said as you stepped closer to the windowsill. "So time", Rhys muttered. You nodded, "Even the most broken souls find themselves eventually. We can guide them to it". Rhys nodded mostly to himself; he had so many things he still wanted to say to you and ask, but when he lifted his head, you were no longer there.

Azriel had no recollection of how he had gotten into bed. He had no recollection of opening the window ever so slightly. The cold wind soothed him. Easing the throbbing all over his body. His mind dragged out fragments of you. They were scattered and dim. But his skin still bore the feeling of light. He moved to sit up, frowning as a piece of paper fell to the floor. The spymaster reached for it instantly. "I'll forgive you for the outburst last night, but you're on kitchen duties for the rest of the month. I hope I won't have to drag you out myself", it read. Azriel stared at it. Gaped. Let the anger simmer. He crumpled the paper and threw it towards the fire, but one of his shadows caught it in time. Straightening it out before turning it back to Azriel. "You don't get to pick sides", Azriel snarled, but the shadows only waved the white paper stronger. "I could easily just make you vanish, you know?", the spymaster grumbled, but he still reached for the pile of clean clothes. He went as far as washing his face before he stepped out.

Only midway down the corridor did Azriel realize that he had no idea where he was going. And suddenly, a wave of panic washed over him. Was he even allowed to walk freely? Rhys had banished him; Mother only knew to what end. He had no idea where he was. He might as well have been cast to another dimension. The sound of small feet hitting the floor made Azriel twirl around.

Two babies, not older than five, ran towards him. Azriel waited for them to halt. Frighten and run away. But they moved towards him, squealing, clearly lost in whatever game they were playing. They dove under Azriel's wings, moving past him. Sprinting down the hall. Azriel's feet started moving without him even realizing it. He followed the laughter and happy shrieks.

He walked right until he was met with a big open space. The glass dome was right up above it. Stone columns supported it. Azriel moved quietly. He used the dim sides to hide himself. The place looked like a commune area. The sound of singing increased. Rounding the corner, Azriel moved to stand in the arch of two columns. Breath hitched in his throat as he saw Fea and Illyrian children dancing in circles. A handful of females were seated all around. He scanned the room.

His gaze halted. There, in the middle of one of the circles the children formed, stood you. Pieces of last night flashed in front of Azriel's eyes. The way he had leaped at you. The way you brought on the light. How you had wrapped him up in the comfort of it. He watched as you spun around as well. The white dress you wore twirled with you. He was convinced that you were glowing as you smiled at every little happy face that watched you.

You sang with them all, and Azriel found himself leaning against the column. He was oddly captivated by the view in front of him. A handful of tinny wings messily clapped as the younglings kicked off from the ground. Trying to soar into the air. Azriel watched them. Some old, deep wounds throbbed within his chest. He lowered his gaze for the moment, trying to suppress it. To shove it back deeper into himself.

But then an urge to lift his gaze back up struck him. Azriel found the most beautiful set of eyes looking right back at him. He wasn't sure how you had spotted him in the shadows, but you did. He held your gaze firmly. He thought about frowning. Snarling even for a second. But you had smiled up at him. Had smiled so brightly that Azriel felt some slither of warmth trying to spark to life within his chest. You nodded your head slowly at him, and Azriel found himself returning the gesture. Right as a warm feeling settled deep within his cold bones.

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#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel imagine #azriel shadowsinger #acotar imagine #acotar x reader #acotar x you #azriel acotar imagine #azriel acotar x reader

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lure-of-writing · 7 months

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Never been good enough

Authors note: I haven't written in forever so please forgive me if this isn't the best but I would love to hear what you think!

Summary: You would never be good enough for Ariel

Word Count: 2.3k Warnings: Arguing, curse words, mentions of death, Elain slander, Tamlin makes an appearance

Part two: Left in regret

Part three: Why can't We?

There was always something so enticing about Azriel that you could never put your finger on. To simply put it he was fascinating. Being a part of the inner circle for as long as you have meant that you put your feelings for him aside, did what you thought was best for the group. Not only that but Azriel never gave you any signs that he was interested in you and there was no way you would let him know about your feelings. What if you guys dated and it didn't work out? Or worse, what if you told him and he didn’t feel the same way? These types of thoughts made a home in your head and they made it a point to consistently remind you that Azriel would only ever be a friend. But hey, better a friend then nothing at all, Right?

That was until Rhysand met Feyre and in turn met Nesta and Elain. This is where your downfall began. You were truly happy for your high lord and new high lady but could have done without her sisters. Nesta was always ready to pick a fight and tear you down with her words as if she were some wild animal backed into a corner that would bite if you tried to pet it. The comparison wasn’t far off, she basically was a wild animal. Elain on the other hand was, well, contemptible at best. From what you knew Elain was basically loved by all in the inner circle but you. There was just something about her that irked you to your core. In a world that praised the strong and belittled the weak, her innocence bothered you. Why did Feyre have to do everything for her sisters, especially the middle one? As an older sister yourself you would have made any sacrifice necessary to protect your little sister. In fact you did. Maybe that's why you resented the middle sister.

Before the new additions were made to your family life was perfect, before under the mountain of course, the group was a perfectly balanced number and each person had their person. Rys with Armen, Mor and Cassian, you and Azriel. The group would spend long days giving each other a run for their money with stupid bets and at night you would have an even longer night getting drunk at ritas, but ever since Ryhsand met Feyre things changed almost instantly. It was like the people you once knew completely changed over night. You still knew who they were to their core but you didn’t recognize who they had become.

Cassian bowed to an unwavering, impolite, ungrateful human turned fae also known as Nesta, he was willing to die for someone who would never give the time of day to even acknowledge that he existed. Amren found company in her ruthlessness, found friendship and understanding in her unbothered face.

Mor found sisterhood among the complexities of healing with Feyre, through the grief and joy and thousands of other emotions one feels when finding themselves after trauma.

Ryhsand found his mate, the one he never thought he would meet. The one he was willing to die for as long as that meant she was safe.

Azriel saw the need to protect someone as delicate as Elain. So he did.

And you, you found a changed group of people before your very own eyes.

“Azriel can I please hold the fancy special dagger?” the Shadowsinger simply stares at you from the other side of the ring. Today had been training day for everyone excluding Amren, if you asked her she would say it didn’t pertain to her, and while the boys took turns sparring you were teaching Mor a new fighting technique you learned recently. “No” the short answer was no surprise to you at all. “Why not? I even said please and I never say please” the inner circle could not wait to witness this scene unfold for this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence but considering that you were Azriels favorite amongst the group even if he refused to say it, they thought that maybe one day you would wear him down enough to the point where he lets you hold the truth teller. “y/n I have never let anyone hold that dagger and you will not be the first. You are more than capable of handling yourself without my blade.” “Exactly I am more than capable of handling a dagger Azriel. One day I will get the truth teller in my hands just you wait.” he simply raised his shoulders in a shrugging manner as if to say “yeah I’m not concerned”

To say you were surprised that Azriel gave Elain the truth teller would be an understatement but honestly you should of seen it coming. Not even a few days before he was rushing into the hybern camp to save Elain without any second thought. There was never a time in the five hundred years where Azriel threw himself into a situation like that where he didn’t at least take some time to plan everything out. As a spy yourself you knew that at least having a fraction of a plan could save your life but it appeared Arizel was willing to die to save her. Feyre's sister be damned. So to watch from afar as he handed over his dagger to inexperienced hands was truly a gut wrenching experience. How could your closest friend of literally hundreds of years spend his potentially last moments with someone who was basically a stranger instead of a true friend? It was a revealing moment, it either showed how kind he was to try and help a defenseless person have a means to defend themselves if the time came where it was needed or he truly had changed and no longer cared for you. You would have your answer sooner than you had hoped.

For as long as you have existed you were trained as a spy for the cover up of an assassin. It made you as deadly as anyone else in the inner circle, maybe even deadlier since no one ever saw their death by your hands coming. So when the time came to go to war you were ready. The Battle was bloody and ugly and cruel. It was long and it felt never ending for every body you cut down it seemed there was ten more to replace it. When you watched as Cassin dove from the sky just as the cauldron unleashed its power amongst the world, the fight seemed hopeless. How were you supposed to win when hybern had that kind of power to be used whenever the king wished? But as a warrior in your own right you just wished that when you died upon this battle field that it wasn’t for nothing. That everyone in your family made it home by the end of this war, you may not recognize your family anymore but they meant the world to you and you just wanted them to be safe no matter the cost.

Seeing help arrive re-established your hope that Hybern wouldn’t win and it pushed you to fight that much harder but the renewed sense of vigor made you lose focus and that was your downfall. A hybern soldier came charging at you with the anger of a thousand suns and sliced your stomach in one quick motion and before you knew it you were one the ground bleeding out.

The inner circle was checking on Cassian when an unexpected figure came walking in with your limp body in their arms. “Oh gods, y/n!’’ Mor was the first to stand up and gawk at you in Tamlins arms before the healers directed him to a place where they could properly work on you. Nothing was said as the healers started working, as the inner circles' minds were racing and as Tamlin was leaving. “Thank you” Tamlin didn’t even stop to acknowledge Rhysands form of gratitude. Azriel was the first to speak “How did we forget about her?” no one had an answer.

Once back in Velaris with your healing underway you could tell that something was off within the group besides the obvious effects of a battle like that and a gut feeling told what it was. You could feel this sense of guilt every time you stepped foot into a room and you knew it was that they forgot about you, they never said that they did but while you were unconscious you could hear everything, and what you heard broke your heart. You were becoming an outsider in your own family.

You watched day by day as Amren bickered with Nesta, Ryhsand flirt with Feyre and cassian with Nesta, watched as Elain and Azriel danced the line of lovers and watched as you were slowly distanced from the group but it all came to a head after a heated argument with Elain. You were sick and tired of her acting like she was helpless when she wasn’t. She was cauldron made and she needed to start acting like it or else it would get someone killed or even herself. It happened on a training day.

The sun was beating down on your tired body and the whisper of a breeze was doing little to help and listening to Elain ask Azriel for help was driving you up a wall. “Azriel can you help me? I don’t think I'm doing this right?” all she was doing was stretching and she needed help with it? “For fucks sake Elain do you want him to spoon feed you and wipe your ass for you while hes at it?” Everyone stopped at your outburst and stared at you. Nesta looked like she was ready to rip off your face but Azriel beat her to it “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you watched as she shifted her body to be behind his as if she knew he would fight her battles for her. “What it means Azriel” you stalked into his space until you were face to face and watched over his shoulder and Elain moved to seek comfort between her sister and the high lord and you couldn’t help but scoff at her theatrics

“Is that all this group ever seems to do is baby her! She is not a child, she can handle herself. She doesn’t need you to teach her how to touch her toes Azriel but heaven forbid poor sweet Elain has to do something on her own for once. I mean my gods what aren’t you willing to do for her Azriel? Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you give her the truth teller?” Azriel was quick to interrupt “Is that what this is seriously about?” if looks could kill he would be dead because your glare is cutting him up into pieces “I wasn’t done. You gave her your dagger, you went into a hybern camp to save her, you answer her every single beck and call as if she's not fully capable of doing things for herself. You all enable this, every single one of you!” you point to every member of the inner circle “ And I have had enough of this bullshit! Its ridiculous! Elain loves to play sweet and innocent but really she just loves having people dote on her and not having to do anything herself.” Everyone knew you were seething for they could see the redness creeping up your neck and into your face. And apparently you pissed off Elain

“So what if Azriel did those things for me it has nothing to do with you so mind your own business.” you knew she wasn’t as nice as she seemed. “This has everything to do with me! I used to be his best friend, me! Not you! I watched everyone change when your family came along and it ruined mine! I have been in love with Azriel since the day I met him and yet I’ve had to watch him fall for you, who he hasn’t even known for two seconds! I heard him say that they forgot about me on the battlefield after hybern! So yes this is about me, I am an outsider in my own family!” The silence was deafening after watching you fight to speak through your tears and cracking voice. No one dared to move for fear of upsetting you even more or maybe it was the weight of your words keeping them in place. Azriel went to place a hand on top of your shoulder but you were quick to step out of his reach. “Y/n I had no idea you felt that way” again you couldn’t help but scoff “Of course not because you were too busy with sweet Elain to notice anything else.” he shook his head as if in a silent no “I am so sorry that we forgot about you there is no excuse it should of never happened. I-we never knew you felt this way, felt like you were being pushed away. But y/n why didn’t you ever tell me that you had feelings for me?” something broke in Azriels heart watching you cry, watched as your face scrunched in pain while you fought back sobs from taking over your body. Something pulled him to comfort you but he knew better than that. He couldn’t, not with Elain here.

“I have been telling you for five hundred years Azriel how much more do you want me to do? I may have never flat out said it but why do you think I stayed up waiting for you to come home after missions, or why I defended you against the teasing, or why I showed you my love in a thousand different ways but you never noticed even though you are the head spy master of the night court.” a sob racked your body forcing you to stop and Azriel wanted nothing more than to hold you until the tears stopped flowing and you felt whole again something in his soul was pulling him towards you but your next words stopped him in his tracks. “I never told you because to you it seems that I have never just been good enough. I have never been enough for you.”

#acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel one shot #azriel fanfic #acotar imagine #acotar x you #azriel imagine #azriel angst #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger

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mycadences · 2 months

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I honestly believe that Elain would drop Azriel like a hot potato if she were offered a chance to be turned into a human again and vice versa if he were to find his mate. I think they care about each other, but not enough to give up the one thing they each desire the most right now. And a sexual relationship (tbh I won't even call their relationship that lol since all they had was just one almost kiss) can turn platonic (proof: Cassian and Mor, Aelin and Chaol). Elain still misses Graysen and Azriel hasn't gotten over Mor yet. They're using each other as a distraction to mask their pain and longing.

I think Elain is resentful of her bond with Lucien because it reminds her time and time again that she is Fae and no longer human, while Azriel desperately yearns for a mate but believes he is undeserving of one. Again, this is another way their views diverge. Opposites can attract, but Elain and Azriel are so dissimilar that they don't complement each other at all, at least in my eyes.

Elain will feel that she has no say in her own life (everyone infantilizes her, decides what she can or cannot do, dictates her relationship with Azriel, who isn't any better with his "There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.") and ironically, it will be Lucien who gives her the choice of accepting or breaking the mating bond. The mating bond that she resents so much will become the only thing she has a choice in.

Azriel will fall into despair when he realizes that Gwyn is his mate (not confirmed yet, but highly speculated) because he believes he failed her by not arriving fast enough to stop her from being assaulted. I actually think he may be repressing their bond somewhere deep inside him (which is why his shadows are aware that Gwyn is his mate). He will have to grapple with his feelings of unworthiness and guilt and learn to let them go.

I want to see the four of them grow as characters and couples. I am unconvinced that Azriel and Elain being supposed "true mates" will allow us to see this growth. Azriel will come to the conclusion that indeed, his line of thinking is justified (three brothers = three sisters!) and how he feels about himself will be left unresolved. Similarly, it rips away an integral conflict of Elain's arc (given a mating bond with someone she does not want) because, as I've mentioned above, she currently "wants" Azriel as he is a convenient distraction. She will not be forced to do some inner reflection and realize that her humanity is not tied to her transformation or mating bond.

#gwynriel #pro gwynriel #elucien #pro elucien #antielriel #elain archeron #azriel shadowsinger

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readychilledwine · 2 months

Note

reread kissed by fire and I'm wondering what Amelia's reaction to Feyre's "fuck and fight" comment was?

Assuming you mean her comment during dinner when Nesta asked her if the food wasn't good enough?

If so, as older sister, here we go.

Meet Amelia, pre-Cauldron, and like we saw in my little side fic of her and Eris, absolutely tired of everyone's shit.

Amelia felt her eye twitch as she processed Feyre's sentence. The whole room had gone quiet, Nesta and Elain schooling their laughter better than Amelia could have asked for. "Say that again but slower?"

Feyre looked at Amelia before looking down, muttering the sentence over with less confidence as Amelia set her fork on the table, food still completely untouched, and sighed. "Did you roll in the hay with Thomas to discover this? Or did your bear, deer, overgrown cat, hybrid mutant lover tell you this?"

Rhysand choked on his drink before clearing his throat, and Amelia continued. "Do you realize how pretentious and ridiculous you sound? Or do you simply not care because you believe your new status as a creature that oppressed what you used to be must mean you are better than the rest of us now?"

The table was fully silent. No silverware gently scraping fine plates, no soft conversations. Just Elain and Nesta looking down as Amelia waited for Feyre to attempt a battle of words with the sister who has a poisoned tongue and three fae males who knew better than to interrupt a mother figuring giving a verbal lashing. "If you're done trying to impress the male sitting beside you, graciously, in our father's spot at the table, and ready to treat us like your sisters instead of random humans whose home you have broken and barged into, and made demands of, then we can continue to eat and I will negotiate the use of our home and haven with your new," she looked between Feyre and Rhysand, deciding the best word to use, "situation."

"I didn't mean-"

"I am not finished, Feyre. If you're going to continue acting like this, I will ask you four to leave. And you," Nesta straighted as Amelia's gaze fell on her. "Enough. Stop antagonizing her. Stop picking on her. Stop treating her like a damned child. If she doesn't want to eat the food, she doesn't have to. She is fully capable of deciding that for herself. I will send you to bed. And Elain," Amelia turned to her, face still unreadable. "You are under no obligation to stay here if you do not want to risk your engagement," a pointed look to Feyre reminded the youngest sister of the sacrifices her family was risking. "But thank you for your continued grace as the hellcats argue as they always have."

Amelia stood, taking her plate with her before walking and stopping next to Rhysand. "When you are ready to negotiate the use of this manor for whatever you have planned, I'll be in my father's office. Hopefully, you won't turn it into the situation at the Beddor house." She watched Rhysand pale, smiling with a glare as she told him she knew exactly who he was with few words. "Goodnight. Enjoy your meal."

#acotar #elizabeths.updates #send asks #send anons #acotar x reader #kissedbyfire #eris fic #eris x reader

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thenovocianelullaby · 1 month

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i always love the SJM men that seem to get the most hate. i’ll just be reading through and kicking my feet thinking that everyone else sees them the way i do so let me just give some opinions…

Lucien is HOT. i said it. in ACOTAR he is so funny and flirty and a fun character and as the series progresses i find him even more hot. I don’t want him to end up with elain CAUSE I WANT HIM FOR MYSELF!!!

CHAOL IS HOT AND FUN AND CHARMING! i thought that him and celaena didn’t work together but man was i swooning every god damn time he was on the page. and yes i’ll admit his brooding and self hatred got a little… old. but. he made up for it entirely in TOD and maybe it was Yrene doing the heavy lifting in making me think Chaol was hot but.. she did her job.

Eris is hot. i wanna know more about him because the picture that is being painted of him doesn’t make sense to me… that’s all i’m saying on that.

Tharion is hot and is SO CUTE AND WHOLESOME. i’m sorry but the hate he and Ithan received was unwarranted in my dumb stupid opinion. “thEy ShARe OnE BrAIn cElL aNd NeiTHeR Of TheM HaVE iT” ok and? the ENTIRE frat pack shares one brain cell. i think that makes them big dumb himbos. its not for everyone but i find it cute ok? shoot me. ANYWAYS… back to Tharion. this water himbo agreed to MARRY a fish princess cause he couldn’t keep it in his pants.. that’s funny. he actively flirts and makes moves on Bryce in front of Hunt… that’s funny. HE MARRIED HIS FRIEND’S LITTLE SISTER… like cmon that’s funny. yes i wanted to slap him half of HOFAS because he was making the stupidest decisions, but at the end of the day that’s just what a himbo does right?

on to Ithan who i mentioned earlier. yes the sunball was cringe… but have you ever MET a football/baseball/basketball player? like come on he’s a perfect stupid idiot little jock. AND AGAIN A HIMBO. and he wants to do good but he’s young and stupid. it’s like if I as in ME as in MYSELF tried to change the government… bro is just in there kinda fucking everything up but at least he’s trying. also.. i always saw him as like a little brother figure in the books. like he genuinely reminds me of my friends little brother.. which Ithan literally IS Connor’s little brother. so maybe that’s why he gets under so many people’s skin.

(i love every sjm character and i’ll die on this stupid hill)

#cc hofas #crescent city #hofas #sjm #throne of glass #acotar #tharion ketos #lucien vanserra #eris vanserra #ithan holstrom #chaol westfall #acosf #a court of thorns and roses

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stargirlie25 · 2 months

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Me having a conversation with an e/riel. Feel free to fact check by looking at the books.

Me: Why do you ship Elain and Azriel?

E/riel: Well for starters, he was the only one to go save Elain when she was in hybern.

Me: First of all, Cassian offered first. Second of all Feyre was also there and saved her (what Elain said)

E/riel: Ok but still it was romantic

Me: But it was not. Because her sister ALSO saved her :) Feyre went to UTM and got tortured,SAed,killed people and died all for Tamlin anyhow...

E/riel: Well Madja said a mate knows whats wrong with their own mate and Az figured out that Elain was a seer.

Me: Elain being a Seer was not what was wrong with her. Also Rhysand figured out Nestas power.

E/riel: Az gave Elain truthteller when he had given it to no one ever.

Me: Only because Mor begged him with tears in her eyes to stay back. Cassian offered her first (again) and then Az offered her TT bc he would not have to use it. Not to mention, Elain only took it when Feyre assured her she would not have to use it. She gave it back without a glance

E/riel: Well Feyre imagined Elain and Az as ´´Death and his lovely fawn´´

Me: Okay. Well did you also catch when she said TT is the only connection between them? Not to mention something admirable about Elain is that she is always full of light. What literally takes away Light? Darkness=Azriel. Not to mention, Azriel is death and his home sucks the life from Elain. Not that Feyres aesthetic painting mind matters anything to me :)

E/riel: What about the fact that Lucien thought Elain was crazy?

Me: What about the fact when he travelled all around to find somebody on a quest so dangerous and the only confirmation he got was from Elain?

E/riel: Elain was wearing Cobalt blue the first time she met Az.

Me: Considering Elains devotion to Graysen, there is a high chance of her wearing that color for Graysen because his crest is cobalt blue. Even if its not true, Lucien wears a coat that´s fawn brown (exact same shade of Elains eyes)

E/riel: A smile and blush bloomed on Azriel in regards to Elain.

Me: Dont care. Thats just an action. Although since you say that, did you know that a smile bloomed on Elains face after her father died (who she loved dearly) in regards to Lucien?

E/riel: What about when a charged glance went through Elain and Azriel.

Me: Sexual attraction. Lots of characters have it like Feyre and tamlin,Aelin and Chaol,Azriel to Mor....

E/riel: Well, Azriel jacks off to Elain every night while looking at the gift he got for her.

Me: Dont be shy you dont have to say a gift. You can say he jacks off to headache powder. No problem. Almost like when Nesta slept with multiple men. Trust me, that does not affect me!

E/riel: Elriel is true mates because Az was the only one to smell Eluciens bond.

Me: Bryce smelled Nessians bound, Ruhn and Lidia smelled bryce and hunts bond, Tamlin smelled feysands.

E/riel: Gwyn is a lightsinger because Az chest sparked because of her.

Me: Well than ig Lidia and Bryce are lightsingers too. Get those evil bitches away from Hunt and Ruhn right?

E/riel: There is nothing romantic for Gwynriel

Me: Thats literally just your penny for thought. Why would i care when SJM provided common banter, mate language and history for Gwynriel, and scenes where they challenge each other when she said history,sparks,conflict,and challenge all makes a good couple.

E/riel: Elain gave two gifts to Az. Not lucien

Me: Headphones for Az bc Nesta and Cass fuck so loud? So romantic i cant! Im so glad my girl SJM is saving the good,meaningful gifts for Elucien.

E/riel: Az waited for Elain to come to the table and told everybody to not eat until Elain came back.

Me: he was thinking of his mother being a slave. Thats what the situation of eating when Elain was tending to everyone reminded him of. How his mother was treated. Its not romantic but it is a very sad thing to think about.

E/riel: Azriel loves Elain. He only has not thought about a future with her because he does not allow himself to!

Me: Honestly i don´t mind that you think that! Although that is not canon. Sleeping with Elain is the only thoughts he PLEASURED himself to. Not allowed himself as some say. Again, that´s just your penny for thought. He says ´´He hadn't gone that far with his planning´´ Meaning sexual thoughts is fine but anything further is like nope, nope,nope,nope,nope too far.

E/riel: Elain literally loses her newfound boldness around Lucien.

Me: There is so many more reasons that we could come up with than what meets the eye. Have you considered it was because she didnt know what to do. Or she saw the look on Lucien ´ s face and shrank because she did not intentionally cause it and felt bad? Or maybe she FELT Luciens pain and shared it because of the bond? So much possibilities to think of especially considering we have limited text and not the actual characters POV. Also i wonder how far she will shrink when she finds out about Az and Rhysands conversation in the bonus chapter. Or maybe she heard it already?

E/riel: Azriel actually gets Elain.

Me: The way he literally does not though! When Elain begs the IC not to kill graysen Az says its best for him to be killed in acosf. When Elain says nesta cant make choices for her and then Az says she should not be exposed to the innate darkness even though later we figure out Elain is willing? When Elain says she is not a child to be fought over and than Az says he will defeat Lucien in a blood duel with her?

E/riel: Scrying is dangerous! Of course Azriel did not want her too.

Me: Yet, he said ´´Nesta really should do scrying´´ but not Elain because he underestimates her. Which is the ONLY thing SJM provides to what Az could have been doing.

E/riel: Azriel listened to Elains laugh probably because he loves the sound!

Me: Maybe its because Elain never ever laughs like that around him or the ic He was literally monitoring them which means to keep tabs on someone which directly relates to his fricking job 😂. So many words to choose from and SJM chose monitoring.

E/riel: Az gave Elain a rose necklace.

Me: Ok and? Elain gave it back. She does not want that shit. He gave it to another person. It felt wrong to clasp it around Elains neck but it sparked something in his chest and made him smile for Gwyn.

E/riel: Lucien only sees Elain for his mate but Azriel sees her for her.

Me: Nope. His reason for wanting to kiss Elain was simply ´´What fi the cauldron was wrong´´ and refers to Elain as the 3rd. She is literally a theory or more so a possibility to him. One he has not thought through in the slightest. Also, Lucien was going crazy in hybern in regards to Elain before he knew of their bond AND Elain has not accepted the bond yet he still cares for her.

E/riel: Elain called Azriels scars beautiful.

Me: first of all, its a 50% chance she called his scars beautiful. Feyre said she was not sure which one she was complimenting, the scars, or the big glowing cobalt siphon atop his hand. Second of all, even if it was 100% fact that she said his scars specifically was beautiful, it seems he does not believe it at all. He tries to not to look at his hands. He does not want to taint her with his presence or touch her beautiful skin with his scars.

E/riel: His shadows vanish around Elain and lightens. They also do that around mor who he was in love with for 500 years. Also his shadows are like snakes ready to strike in regards to Elain.

Me: Shadows lighting and vanishing are the same thing. Light takes away darkness as darkness takes away light (another reason why they are horrible together) His shadows are losing its darkness around Elain and Mor. Mor was wrong for him. The amount of pain it caused him to be in Love with her? Want that to continue with Elain and Az? Azriel does not need his darkness to be hidden. He needs it to be embraced *insert Gwyn*

E/riel: SJM would never pass on a good angsty trope like forbidden love!

Me: firstly, the only thing forbidding e/riel is Elain herself. If she rejects the bond, she can be with Az all she wants and NO ONE has a say on that. Not Rhysand. Not feyre. Not cassian. Not Lucien himself. Although she hasnt after 2 years. There is an answer to why. Its not like Elain knows she has to wait until her own book to reject it. Second of all, Forbidden love is the absolute WORST trope to give BOTH of them. For Elain, she has always hid in the shadows of her sisters in the series and the fandom. You really think Elain Archeron always full of light wants to hide in the darkness and play out Azriel´s fantasies? As for Azriel, he has been secretly silently in PAIN loving Mor for 500 years. So you want him to go through it again with Elain? No. He wants the bond nessian and feysand have. The love they share. The joy of being with your equal. The connection of a mating bond. Being proud to showcase it to the world. Forbidden love would just tear them apart.

E/riel: SJM does not write about virgin romances! Plus Gwyn is a virgin!

Me: Yes she can. Gwyn already lost her virginity against her will so biologically she is not going through the bleeding and the actual losing her physical virginity. Although it is a fact she has never slept with someone. The scene where Cassian *ahem* first enters nesta is very descriptive and SJM describes the pain of Cassian entering her......So yes she can for sure write about Gwyn having sex. This is also goes against the statement that Gwyn cant have sex because of her trauma. False. She is interested in romance books and asks Nesta if the sex was good. I think Gwyn would enjoy sex with someone she trusts in and out.

#anti elriel #anti e/riel #anti elainxazriel #anti azriel and elain #pro elucien #pro gwynriel #elucien #gwynriel

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clockwork-ashes · 1 month

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All You Have Is Your Fire - Part VI

Find Part I here :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge, huge thank you to the lovely @bettdraws who literally deserves all the credit and whose post inspired me to start writing this. I could not stop thinking about this head canon, and it was so kind of you to let me try and make a story from it :)

And a huge thank you to everyone reading!

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole

Part VII >>

Elain held tightly to Lucien’s arm, her fingers linked with his, her other hand clutching at his wrist. An anchor, his heartbeat a comfort as they were led down the winding halls of the ancient Forest House.

Lucien looked entirely unbothered, hardly troubled now that he was no longer in the presence of his family. Elain asked herself how, considering she very much felt as though she had woken from a nightmare. Her thoughts were foggy, her knees shaking in relief with every one of her steps. Elain wanted to sob.

Lucien’s thumb traced the curve of her knuckle and Elain breathed in deeply to calm her nerves.

It was almost humiliating, being paraded past the Autumn guards stationed at every corner as she clung to Lucien. She had to remind herself that it was expected of mated couples to behave so attached, that she was not amongst human nobles that would judge her for any open affection that was displayed.

Elain briefly wondered what Cora had done in her absence, and whether the other woman had been made aware of the change in their plans. Elain’s thoughts turned quickly, though, to what her sisters would say. Elain was sure that Nesta, more than Feyre, would be furious.

Elain assumed she would have the Inner Circle’s complete support, but she could only guess at their displeasure with how the night had unfolded.

Elain had told a High Lord that she was marrying his son, and she was only just beginning to realise the weight of such a promise. Elain felt her stomach flip, panic starting to creep along her spine.

Just when Elain’s anxiety started to take root, Lucien’s hand gripped hers more tightly. Elain felt as he tried to reassure her through the bond, and her annoyance was enough to redirect her thoughts.

The Forest House was strange and unlike any place she had ever been to. The rough stone walls were a warm grey, closer to the colour of sheep’s wool than to the cool toned rock she had become used to in Night.

Elain was surprised to see all the wooden furniture considering all the torches, flames dancing and sparks falling but never setting anything alight. She walked by a couple elegant fireplaces set into the walls, but she saw no chimneys, no soot or ashes.

Like the roots of an ancient tree, hallways connected and split off into different directions, an unnavigable maze. Elain wondered how anyone was able to find their way around.

One of the guards shoved Lucien towards a flight of stone steps, urging him to turn. Elain frowned when she felt him tense, thinking perhaps he had been offended by the gesture. It was only as a voice rang out beside them that Elain guessed Lucien had scented someone’s presence.

“Your services are no longer needed,” the words were rough, a demand. “I can take the prince and his lady to their shared suite from here.”

Much to Elain’s surprise, the guards obeyed. In the time it took for them to leave, Elain had turned her attention to the new arrival.

The man was handsome, Elain could admit. His short hair a more copper shade of red, his eyes a bright hazel. He was pale, like most of the people she had seen in Autumn, and he looked battle-worn. A slashing scar cut across his throat, just visible above the fabric of his jacket.

Even if Elain had not just been in a room with Beron Vanserra, she would have still been able to see the resemblance between the High Lord and the man who so obviously was another one of his sons. She took a step beck, knocking into Lucien’s side.

The man raised a brow, but other than a passing glance, he paid her no mind. His focus was on Lucien, the torches on the wall flared. Elain wondered if that always happened, if flames simply responded to those in Autumn, a reflection of their emotions.

“Where’s Eris?” He snapped, like he had no patience for either her or Lucien.

Her mate’s shoulders were stiff. “Is the loyal dog looking for its master?” Lucien’s drawl was taunting, as though he was expecting a reaction from his brother. His words were obviously meant to offend.

Elain could feel Lucien’s shock flooding the bond between them when his brother merely shook his head.

“You always did cause so much trouble, Lucien,” he frowned, looking very much like Eris. With a sigh, he angled his chin to the flight of stairs in front of them. “Follow me.”

Not like they had a choice, Elain thought. She could feel as Lucien turned to look at her, to check in, but she stared at his brother as he led them to a pair of thick oak doors. His attempt to comfort her was appreciated, but Elain truly thought she could not look at him without her anxiety once more taking hold. With a wave of his brother’s beringed hand, the doors opened to reveal a cosy space.

The fireplace was already lit, comfortable carpets covered the stone floor, and by the arched window on the room’s other side was a large bed, fit for two. Elain blushed, forgetting for a moment that Lucien and her were to be married, of course their shared suite would have only one bed.

Elain watched as Lucien’s brother waved his hand once again, this time lighting the candles littered on some of the wooden tables and nightstands. “I hope the rooms have been set to your liking. Should you need anything, let one of the guards know.”

Elain spoke for the first time since having left the throne room, “My lady’s maid was with me, I was wondering…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

“I’ll let Eris know,” the Autumn prince offered. “I’m sure he’s thought of everything.” There was no bitterness to his words, only an acknowledgement of his eldest brother’s very thorough planning.

Elain dipped her head in thanks, but he had already begun to leave. Elain looked to Lucien as he watched his brother warily, and he hardly seemed surprised when the other man paused at the room’s threshold.

“Congratulations to the both of you on your engagement,” he said flippantly, over his shoulder. Elain could hear a flicker of doubt in his tone, perhaps a suggestion that he was not entirely convinced by their act. She wondered if Eris had mentioned it to him, if they were close enough to have shared such information.

Elain noticed the irritation that flashed in Lucien’s eye, how the other one whirred. “Thank you, Callum.”

It was clear to Elain that there was bad blood between the brothers, and while she was curious, Elain also knew that it would probably be very rude to ask Lucien about it. She watched as Callum left, glad that she no longer needed to play the role she had given herself.

The doors slammed shut behind the Autumn prince, and Elain promptly let go of Lucien’s hand. She already missed the feeling, but to reach for him would be like an admission of how she so often longed for his touch when he was near. She put distance between them, almost tripping on the edge of the carpet in her rush.

“Gods,” she mumbled, running her fingers through her curls. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Lucien’s scent, apples and summer mornings, lingered in the air.

What have I done?

Elain decided that she was a fool for coming to Autumn. She had no idea what she had gotten herself into, had been so desperate to save Lucien’s life that she had doomed them both.

When Elain opened her eyes, she saw Lucien flexing his fingers, like the memory of her hand in his was enough to unsettle him. He had dark bruises along his jaw, clenched in what she thought was concern. There were blood stains, brown and aged, along the collar of his white shirt. A smear of dirt was on his temple and Elain could tell he had been treated poorly until she had come.

Lucien was still the loveliest man Elain had ever seen, and she hated herself for believing it.

“How in the hell did Feyre convince you to come for me?” Lucien asked, voice tired, like his own thoughts were weighing him down.

Elain furrowed her brow, frowning at him. “Feyre?” She echoed, incredulous.

At her question Lucien seemed to anger, only for a moment, before he spoke once more. “Rhysand, then, made you do this?”

“No one made me do anything,” Elain hissed, keeping her voice down, remembering how careful Eris was with his words even when they had been alone. “I came for you because I chose to.” She was frustrated, angry that everyone assumed she could not make decisions for herself. It was with great effort that she kept her hands at her sides, that she did not begin pointing at Lucien with an accusing finger.

“Why would you do such a thing?” Confusion and disbelief lingering in his words.

“Because I felt like it,” she snapped, feeling very much like a child. Elain did not share with him that after so much death, so much change in the last few years, she did not think she could bear more. “And you should be thanking me, not questioning my motives.”

Elain watched as he bent ever so slightly at the waist, the smallest of bows. He did not take his eyes off her as he said, “You have my thanks, Elain.”

At the sound of her name falling from Lucien’s lips, Elain took a step towards him, the movement almost involuntary. “You shouldn’t call me that,” the impropriety of it all had Elain blushing, she attempted to tell herself that was why she could feel her heartbeat quicken. “You don’t have the right—”

“I think I do,” Lucien said with a shrug, “considering we’re about to be married.”

It looked like he wanted to say more, but Elain interrupted. “It means nothing,” she was shocked at how snarled the last word was. “Nothing has changed between us,” her words held a finality to them.

Lucien ran a hand through his hair, “Not for one moment did I believe otherwise.” He sounded exhausted, Elain noticed.

Briefly, Elain felt guilty for being upset with him.

Lucien shook his head, and as he spoke he did not look at her. “You shouldn’t have come to Autumn.” Elain could not say it with certainty, but she could have sworn fear leaked slowly down their shared bond.

“Next time I’ll let you be killed,” Elain waved her hand dismissively. “What’s done is done, I can hardly tell your father I’ve changed my mind.”

“I think we’re well past that,” Lucien confirmed. The silence between them was awkward, and Elain wished they had separate rooms, despite knowing it was for the best that they were together.

She could feel Lucien’s gaze on her, but Elain was looking at the comfortable armchair by the fireplace. She cleared her throat, “You take the bed.”

Lucien did not argue with her, a testament to how utterly drained he must have been, Elain concluded.

“Thank you, Elain,” he said softly, sincerely.

Elain was left with the impression that Lucien was thanking her for more than just the bed.

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #elucien #elain x lucien #elain archeron x lucien vanserra #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #autumn court #vanserra brothers #they finally talk to each other alone #ashes writes sometimes #all you have is your fire

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everythingacotarbxm1012 · 15 days

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Nightmares & Dreams

Summary - Cassian just needed some physical contact to help him sleep.

A/N - Friendly reminder that canon cassian does like physical contact. Also, it’s short but I just needed to get something out there so here it is! 620 words.

*Don’t repost or translate my work without my permission. *These characters and world do not belong to me.

🌌✨🌌

Cassian was known for many things. To the entirety of Prythian he was an Illyrian, a warrior, a General––Lord of Bloodshed. To his family he was a brother, a friend, a jokester, and a poor diplomat, who went to Rita’s for the drinks, not the dancing.

His life was really rather simple. Get up, train, train some more, maybe make a few visits required of him. Eat, sleep. The sleep was less predictable. Somehow there was this magic belief that he was so strong and he really only suffered injuries. His work came with more than physical consequence.

Cassian had injured and killed countless people during his lifetime. When the carriage was over he often found himself vomiting, sometimes mourning his victims––the guilt pumping through his veins. Guilt that chased him even when he slept. He had become used to the lack of sleep. It wasn’t uncommon for Cassian to wake up two or three times throughout the night from his nightmares. Flashes of death all around him, and then he was suddenly sitting up in his bed, in a cold sweat.

Cassian had also grown used to the following hour of lying awake, unable to get himself to fall back asleep. That hour alone with his thoughts, the images from the nightmares flashing before him. Then there were some mornings when he didn’t try to fall back asleep. Those were the mornings that people took him as a dedicated warrior who rose extra early to train, not a general running from his nightmares.

Then you entered the picture. For the number of times he had been to Rita’s Cassian questioned how you had never caught his eye. A beautiful female Illyrian freely dancing on the floor amongst others, lost in the music.

“Cassian! Cassian! Did you… oh–” Mor said before realizing Cassian was already heading for you. She subtly smirked to herself.

Somehow between the many bodies and loud music, Cassian managed to find himself in an intimate conversation, one that flowed effortlessly. The following night Cassian found himself at Rita’s again, but unlike past nights he didn’t head straight to the bar.

“She’s over there,” Mor said with a grin, pointing towards where you were dancing.

Cassian didn’t respond, making his way to you––his reputation parting the crowd for him. It happened again. Hours of conversation only this time Cassian found you in his bed that night. It felt like he had barely fallen asleep when he was plagued with a nightmare.

He stood in the middle of a field, everyone dead around him and then he saw Rhys, Feyre. Cassian turned his head to see Az and Mor. Nesta’s body over Elain’s, protecting her sister until her last breath. Then he was down in the library again and he was being dragged away down, down, down.

But for the first time something called to him, to pull him away from the Bryaxis. “General? General?! Cassian!”

Everything blurred around him and suddenly was back in bed…next to you. Cassian glanced over to you, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Cassian,” you could see the panic in his eyes and without a second you wrapped the Lord of Bloodshed in your arms.

Cassian didn’t protest, a fuzzy feeling filling his body. He adored physical contact. He clung to you like you were a lifeline, his arms tightly around your middle until his heartbeat slowed and for the first time in his life it didn’t take an hour to find sleep, only half that time. Just before Cassian completely drifted off he felt a tug at his chest, a feeling he had waited for all his life, a feeling that told him you were his dream.

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar x reader #feyre x rhysand #cassian acotar #reader #feyre archeron #rhysand acotar #azriel acotar #mor acotar #bryaxis #nesta archeron #elain archeron #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar oneshot

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acourtofwhatthefuck · 1 year

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Strawberries and Cream - (Nesta x Reader)

Hiiii! @greeneyedivy and I collaborated and wrote this piece for @azsazz's and @writingsbychlo's Starfall Week! This was SO much fun to write and we really hope you enjoy it!

The prompt we used was "Character A and Character B meet at Starfall"

Summary: Nesta doesn't care for Starfall and just wants to get away from the Inner Circle...which subsequently leads to an encounter that changes her life.

Word count: 5006

Warnings: SMUT! 🌶️

✧: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *

Starfall.

It was all anyone had been talking about for weeks, and Nesta was sick of it.

There was no escaping it. If she wasn’t being subjected to the Inner Circle’s excited preparations, then walking the streets of Velaris was a sure way of reminding her of the occasion. She couldn’t turn a corner without seeing posters of businesses offering promotional offers, or catching a glimpse of the storefront decorations that had been hung. The entire thing was giving her a headache.

No, she didn’t care to watch the stars crash into each other, and no, she didn’t care what everyone would be wearing while they did. Even Elain had been sucked into the allure of the whole thing, but Nesta — Nesta saw it for what it was.

Unnatural. Just as unnatural as going from human to fae. She felt such a visceral hatred for the entire situation that it ached her bones.

She may have had no choice but to live on the other side of the Wall, now, but that didn’t mean she had to partake in the foolish traditions that existed there.

You’re still welcome to join us, Feyre had said, dressed up to the nines alongside the others. They were all heading to the House of Wind — the best place, apparently, to witness what was about to happen.

No, was all Nesta had responded, and they didn’t push any further, even as her sisters left with disappointment on their faces.

Nesta would create her own plans, she’d decided. And that was how she’d ended up in quite possibly the seediest tavern she’d ever seen, far across the other side of Velaris.

Her shoes had stuck to the floor as she’d traipsed in, and the groups of punters dotted about the place all looked up, drinking in her appearance, the chatter lowering a little. She lifted her chin, ignoring them as she took a seat at the bar, aware of hungry gazes that studied the outline of her figure in her dress. She could just as easily leave and find somewhere more upbeat and alive, but this…this was what she wanted. A place that could be any dingy, old tavern in the human lands, if she ignored the fae features around her. A place where she could pretend, at least for one night, that her new life was just one big nightmare.

So she ordered herself a drink and focused on the sensuous strum of a lute across the room.

The notes were charming and beautiful, soon transporting her to another life, another world, entirely. Nesta loved music — it was one of the very few things she still could love, and the setting didn’t matter as the tune climbed and fell, one song trailing off into the next. Her plans to down drink after drink seemed to fall to the wayside as she instead became distracted by the music.

Time ran away with her like that. She found herself able to push her thoughts away for the first time in a long while, and she nursed her drink and focused on anything but reality, and the dull sounds of soaring stars outside. Perhaps that was why she didn’t catch the sound of approaching footsteps, nor the fact that the music had come to a stop. The male voice that spoke to her was an unwanted obtrusion.

“Can I buy you another drink?”

She glanced up, finding a mildly handsome face smiling at her. The mess of blonde hair on his head and the piercing blue eyes did nothing for her. She stared back at him blankly, forcing herself to be polite.

“No,” she responded. “Thank you.”

“Come on.” The male persisted, sidling up to her. “There’s no sense in sitting there with an empty glass. Same again?”

“She said no, Mallas. Piss off.”

Both Nesta and Mallas looked up upon the third voice that was injected into the conversation. A female voice, slightly smoky and raspy. The sound seemed to skitter over Nesta’s skin like chills.

Her eyes took in the female that stood there, holding a lute as she stared down the male. In the dim faelights that lit the tavern, she looked…ethereal. Like the music she’d been playing moments before. Nesta couldn’t help staring.

“I was only offering.” Mallas mumbled, pushing past her. “Bitch.”

“Kiss my ass.” Her eyes watched him closely, tracking him as he returned to the group of deadbeats he mingled with. Only once he was sat back down did she turn back to Nesta. “You shouldn’t be here, Nesta Archeron.”

Nesta blinked, caught off guard for once. And then frowned at her. “Do I know you?”

“No.” She leaned against the bar. “But everyone here knows you. The sister of our High Lady should not be keeping company such as the dregs of society that loiter in this dive. And I would know — my uncle owns the place.”

Nesta lifted her chin. “I’m not some silly little girl. I can choose, for myself, whose company I keep, thank you very much.”

The female’s lips twitched into what appeared to be amusement. “Well, then.” She said. “Have a good night. And happy Starfall to you.”

With that, she turned, sidling around the bar. Nesta couldn’t help watching every tiny movement as the female hung her lute over her shoulder, whistling a merry little tune as she headed towards the door at the back.

“Wait.” She found herself blurting, and the female turned curiously. “I—you play the lute.”

The musician stared back at her, that same look of teetering amusement seeming to pass across her face. Nesta thought she might die from humiliation — beg the ground to swallow her up, or something. You play the lute. As if that wasn’t already obvious.

She just…she felt intrigued. Maybe even a little awed. Her body and mind felt more alert than it had in months — and that was just from a few seconds of conversation. She…she wanted more of it.

“I do.” The female answered. She angled herself back around, studying the oldest Archeron. “…you like music?”

“I love it.”

Chewing her lip, the female seemed to consider that for a moment. What, exactly, she was thinking, Nesta wasn’t sure. But she liked the way she looked at her…assessing and curious. Not the contempt she’d become used to. It made her body feel hot and cold.

“…Okay.” The female eventually said. “Then I have something you might like — if you care to see it.”

Nesta didn’t even hesitate. She shrugged, forcing nonchalance that she didn’t feel. “Why not?”

“Indeed.” The female’s hand shot out in offering. “My name is Y/N.”

Nesta shook that hand, entirely aware of the lightning strike that, in that moment, seemed to bring her back to life.

✧: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

“This is my home.” Y/N held a chipped, dented door open, stepping aside.

Nesta tried to school her expression as she wandered in. Not that she wasn’t used to small, modest houses, of course, but after months in Rhysand’s luxury, this place was…definitely not that.

A soft snort came from behind her, and Nesta glanced over her shoulder, kicking her shoes off. “What?”

“It’s no High Lord’s house, I grant you.” Y/N said, throwing her keys into a bowl beside the door. “But it’s home — my space.”

“I like it.” Nesta said, and she realised she was telling the truth.

With a smile, Y/N led her through to a small sitting room. The place was…colourful. Vibrant wall hangings and beaded curtains in doorways that led off to other places. Patchwork throws were draped over the sofas, and there were piles of books — titles that Nesta recognised, some she didn’t — and plants hanging from the ceiling and perched on shelves and standing in pots on the floor.

“You live here alone?” Nesta found herself asking, drinking in every detail.

“I do. My family is…complicated. I’d genuinely go insane if I didn’t have my own space.” Y/N hung her jacket up, and Nesta glimpsed the pretty, dark peplum blouse and tight breeches she wore. “Drink?”

She tore her gaze away. “Yes. Thank you.”

Y/N pushed through one of those beaded curtains, drifting into what Nesta assumed was a small kitchen. The sounds of cupboards opening and glasses clinking travelled through as Nesta slowly approached one of the sofas and perched down. She studied the coffee table before her — covered in pages and pages of parchment. And on them, she realised, music. Compositions.

The beads rustled again, and Y/N sat next to her, handing her a small glass of amber liquid. “I write it all myself — the music.”

“That’s incredible.” Nesta reached out, her fingers brushing over the indentations of ink on the pages. She couldn’t read any of it for the life of her, but…there was something beautiful about just studying the notes. Words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them. “Music is…an escape for me.”

“I get that.”

The two females had known each other barely an hour, and yet Nesta just knew — knew that Y/N did get it. That there was some sadness in the confession that she could relate to.

“Do you write just for yourself?” She asked, sipping her drink.

“For now.” Y/N nodded. “But I’d like to perform in the Rainbow one day — or at least hear my compositions being performed there. That’s my goal. To…to be different to what my family are. To break from that mould.”

“And what are they? Your family?”

With a soft laugh, Y/N placed her drink down and rose once more. “Well…that actually brings me to what I was going to show you.”

Nesta waited patiently, watching as the female strode over to a cabinet and rifled through. She was…beautiful, her hair flowing down her back, the cut of her figure through her clothes. For a moment, Nesta found her thoughts emptying, her mouth drying. She quickly looked away.

“This,” Y/N said, slumping back down with a small box in her palm, “is a Symphonia. Go ahead — take a look.”

Nesta stared at her for a moment, their gazes meeting. She cautiously outreached a hand, opening the box and peering inside. Her brow furrowed at the small, silver ball that sat within.

“You can take it out. I promise you’ll like it.”

Nesta’s long, slender fingers dipped into the box, carefully pulling the ball out. She set it down in her palm, realising that while the top was curved, the bottom had a smoother surface — to be set down without rolling, she supposed.

“What does it do?” She asked.

Y/N reached out, and Nesta jolted as she gently took her free hand. The two females stared at each other again, gazes not once faltering as Y/N guided her fingers to the top of the Symphonia.

“Just tap it.” She murmured, giving a light press. “Like this.”

Nesta jumped, her lips parting in pure astonishment as music suddenly filled the room, the small object breathing notes and symphonies into the air. She knew there was a whole wealth of magic that she was yet to encounter in Prythian — and had been hesitant to ever do so. But this…she never would have considered anything like this.

“How does it do that?” She breathed.

Y/N smiled. “It uses magic to trap the music inside so that it can be played back to you. Everything you hear is being played by me. I use it for music composition. It’s…a very rare object.

“Where did you get it?”

“…that’s where my family comes into it.” Y/N shifted a little uncomfortably, pulling her hand away. “I come from a family full to the brim with criminals. One of the things they deal in is rare magical objects. Usually, I try to distance myself from them and have nothing to do with them. I’d like to get away from them completely. But this…the Symphonia…it was the last thing my father gave me before he was killed.”

It was an effort for Nesta not to flinch, not to return to those harrowing thoughts of her own father. She swallowed, forcing herself to focus on the music.

“Stolen or not, I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.” Y/N said. “Even if that makes me a terrible person.”

Nesta glanced up through her lashes, meeting her gaze. “It doesn’t.”

Again, the two females found themselves locked in their staring, the music floating around them. Unsaid words seemed to intertwine with it. Words that Nesta thought she might never have the courage to speak, but that made her skin tingle.

Eventually, Y/N smiled, prising the Symphonia from Nesta’s palm and placing it onto the coffee table. She held out a hand once more.

“Would you like to dance, Nesta Archeron?”

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They did dance. And danced and danced and danced until their feet hurt. Until Nesta felt like a different person. And even as the stars completed their journeys across the skies, the two females showed no signs of tiring.

Nesta was drunk – not really on alcohol, no, even with the glasses they’d knocked back. She was drunk on elation. On…happiness. She’d never felt so on top of the world.

The Symphonia had given them three run-throughs of every piece of music before they were slumping back onto the sofa side-by-side, their heads swimming and eyes smiling, lips laughing. Their arms brushed, that zipping energy that had been sparking between them all evening still very much present.

It was enough to slow the pace down, to ground Nesta.

Her head still tilted back against the sofa, she angled it to find Y/N already gazing at her. Studying her. There had been a lot of glances like that as the night had wore on, only seeming to grow more heated and honeyed with every passing touch and word.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Nesta asked, not minding at all.

Y/N’s eyes traced the sharp, flawless lines of her face. A face that so many would deem cold and unfeeling, albeit beautiful. But there was more behind that facade…layers that Y/N wanted to peel back.

“I’m seeing you.” She replied.

The response wasn’t exactly what Nesta had been expecting; an odd, puzzling answer. She stared back at her, feeling strangely naked as she asked, “what are you seeing?”

“I’m seeing,” the female shifted, somehow inching closer. Their faces were mere centimetres apart, breaths mingling, “someone who is scared.”

Nesta didn’t react. Right – she was so damn right, it was painful. Nesta hated it, how vulnerable it made her. Still, Y/N went on.

“I’m seeing,” she continued, “someone who feels a huge volume of things, all at once. Someone who doesn’t know what the fuck to do with those feelings, but is expected to have it all figured out. Someone who desperately wants to let go and lose control, but is equally scared of doing so.”

The words were so accurate, hitting so close to home, that they robbed Nesta of breath. She’d spent months feeling isolated and alone and misunderstood, angry and hurt and like nobody fucking saw her.

And yet, she’d met a complete stranger who had managed to sum her up perfectly within hours of their first words.

It made her…made her want to keep feeling. No matter how terrifying that was.

She didn’t know what to say, how to respond. It seemed a bit strange to thank someone for accurately reading her, seeing her. There weren’t really any words–

So she gave in to the urge that had been building in her all night, as their bodies had danced closer and closer until they were moving in one, fluid unit. As their scents had mingled, and Nesta had got drunk on it.

She leaned forward, cupping Y/N’s cheek, and slanted her lips over hers.

It was like two puzzle pieces locking into place. Y/N didn’t hesitate to lean in to the kiss, reciprocating with as much enthusiasm. Her own hand moved up, tangling in Nesta’s hair.

They both tasted like the honey wine they’d been drinking, their tongues sweet as they began to explore each other. It was the first time Nesta had ever kissed another female, and it was different. Exciting. Right.

Their lips didn’t separate, even as their bodies began to move. Y/N was inching closer, angling herself over Nesta, and Nesta tentatively placed her hands on her waist, hoping it was the right thing to do, wondering if she was allowed to explore further.

Realising she wanted to.

Y/N nipped her lip gently, and then pulled back just slightly to study her face, their breaths hot and fast.

“I think that you’re probably used to being dominant, Nesta Archeron.” Her smoky voice caressed Nesta’s ears, her skin. “And I think you want to give up that control for once. That you’d like to know what it feels like to submit.”

A quick, short breath escaped Nesta’s lips. “Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Lips coasted over her lips, her jaw, down to her neck. “Do you want to let go, Nesta?”

“Yes. Yes.”

Y/N smiled against her skin, pressing a kiss to the hollow of her throat. “Very well.”

Nesta didn’t know what to expect, but she knew her skin was deliciously on fire. Wetness was already pooling between her thighs, and the sure musk of arousal began to mingle with the sweeter scents in the air. Not just Nesta’s arousal, but Y/N’s too – and it only made Nesta wetter to know she was the cause.

“Relax.” Y/N whispered against the shell of her ear. “I’ll take care of you.”

It was only then that Nesta realised how rigid her body was – how she naturally tensed and threw her guard up to ward people off. But she didn’t want to do that. She wanted…wanted to let go, and experience everything that accompanied that bravery. To feel.

She forced her limbs to loosen into the sofa, the feeling in itself strangely pleasurable. Was this what it was like to experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake? Y/N was right – Nesta was used to being dominant. Every sexual encounter she’d engaged in had been about exacting control, feeling powerful. Having the command of things, as she did so rarely these days, in this new life.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to let go. And letting go was…euphoric.

“That’s it,” Y/N encouraged, as Nesta’s limbs loosened more. Her fingers began to skim over the buttons at the bodice of her dress. “Can I undo these?”

Nesta nodded once, quick. “Yes – please.”

If Nesta’s skin was fire, Y/N’s fingers were contrasting, delicious ice, as though one offset the other. Y/N didn’t fumble with the buttons like males always did. She undid them one by one, torturously slow, until the two halves of the dress were parting and exposing Nesta’s full, generous breasts to the cool air, her nipples immediately hardening.

And then Y/N was rocking back on her legs, hungrily drinking in the sight. She swallowed, glancing up to meet Nesta’s eyes. “You’re fucking exquisite.”

Nesta found herself blushing. But there was no time to feel coy as Y/N leaned in, capturing her lips once more.

The kiss was hungry, fierce, and even as Nesta’s body tried to take control, she gave over to the need to stop and feel. She cupped Y/N’s face in her hands, her thumbs stroking her cheeks as they kissed and kissed and kissed until they were both breathless. An ache was already building between her legs, and she pressed them together, moaning softly.

Y/N smiled, lips pulling away from hers to trail down and down, just as they had before. But they continued on further, brushing over the swells of Nesta’s breasts. One of her hands came up to knead one breast while her lips fastened on the nipple of the other.

The sensation was…unreal. Nothing like anything Nesta had felt before. Males had paid plenty of attention to her breasts, kissing and sucking and touching, but none of that came close to the feeling of Y/N’s tongue flicking over her nipple, her teeth grazing just slightly. Another, louder moan fell from Nesta’s lips, and her head fell back, her eyes screwing shut.

“Look at me.” Y/N hummed, moving to pay the same attention to the other breast. “I want to know that you’re enjoying this.”

Nesta’s chest heaved as her breath hitched. “I am. Gods, I am.”

Y/N smiled, and Nesta began to wonder if it was possible to come from the treatment her breasts were receiving alone. The sensations…every lick and suck, the bites and the subsequent kisses to the hurts they left behind…it was possible she might combust.

But then Y/N lips coasted further down, still. As far as they could go with Nesta’s gown still on. She pressed quick, gentle kisses to Nesta’s stomach, glancing up at her. “Can I take your dress off?”

“I think I may rip it off myself if you don’t.”

Y/N’s breathy laugh was music to her ears. A strange thought popped into her head that she’d happily trap the sound of that laugh within the Symphonia and listen to it over and over again. But all thoughts emptied from her mind as she lifted her body from the sofa, and deft hands and fingers were pulling the fabric away from her body, leaving her utterly exposed.

Nesta was a confident woman, well aware that she was beautiful, that her body was the envy of many. But as she slumped back down, her underwear the only thing left covering her, she found herself…worried. Worried that she wouldn’t be to Y/N’s liking.

She’d never once cared nor considered that with anyone before.

But the way Y/N stared at her put all those worries promptly to bed. That was fierce hunger in her eyes, her tongue swiping at her lip as her gaze trailed down and down, over Nesta’s breasts, her toned stomach, her sensuous hips and slender legs. And between those legs, the pulsing wet heat beneath her underwear. Her arousal drifted up to smother Y/N in its essence, and her eyes almost rolled back into her head.

“I repeat,” she said tightly, as though she was trying to hold herself back from devouring Nesta whole, “You’re fucking exquisite.”

Nesta swallowed, studying her just as fiercely. “Why don’t you show me what you look like under those clothes?”

“There’s plenty of time for that. But this is about you. All you.”

And Nesta couldn’t deny that she loved the sound of that. Even though she found herself strangely nervous, her body trembling slightly, her arousal only built and built as Y/N stepped closer again.

And dropped to her knees before her.

“Anything you don’t like,” Y/N said, her hands gently trailing up Nesta’s legs, “you tell me, okay?”

Nesta nodded. Swallowed. “Yes.”

“Good.” She leaned in, pressing a kiss to one of those long, luscious legs. Her lips coasted over the skin, smiling as Nesta seemed to gasp at the sensation. “Pretty as this underwear is, I’d much prefer it off.”

Nesta would much prefer it thrown out of the window, far out of sight. It was nothing but torturous friction rubbing against her. She gladly lifted her hips as Y/N’s hands climbed up, gripping the fabric with nothing but gentleness.

And then she was tugging them down, down until they were gone, discarded somewhere behind her.

The heady scent of Nesta’s arousal hit her like a wave; a wave she’d happily drown in. The scent was mouthwatering, and she had to steel herself, gather her thoughts before she unleashed herself on her entirely and drank in that wetness she so badly wanted a taste of.

“You smell incredible.” Y/N breathed, swallowing at the sight of her exposed, dripping centre. “I bet you taste even better.”

Nesta tracked every movement. “Are you going to find out?”

“Would you like me to?”

“Yes. Gods above, yes.”

“Then I will.”

The confirmation in itself had Nesta moaning – or perhaps it was the way Y/N hoisted one of those legs over her shoulder, her fingers gently dancing over her calf as her lips pressed small, quick kisses over the skin. Nobody had ever paid such attention to her like this. She wasn’t sure she’d ever let anyone do so.

But as Y/N lifted the other leg, allowing them both to rest on her shoulders, Nesta felt nothing but a potent mix of excitement and anticipation and bliss. She sank into the sofa, lifting her hips as Y/N kissed and nipped her way up to her thighs.

“You have such pretty thighs.” Y/N hummed, kissing the inside of one, and then the other. “Your skin reminds me of cream.”

Nesta released a breath, head falling back.

“And with every little mark I leave,” She nipped, nibbled, leaving trails of faint red marks that weaved a path right up to her centre. “It’s like strawberries and cream. Beautiful.”

Her lips, her tongue, were so close to where Nesta wanted them. To where Nesta wanted all of her. She was filled with new, frenzied thoughts, wondering what it might be like for them both to be naked, skin to skin, bodies moving in tandem with each other, Nesta’s sex rubbing against hers. She moaned, instinctively dragging a hand down her body, desperate for some sort of release.

“Pretty, pretty Nesta.” Y/N gently grasped that hand. Laced their fingers together. “Let me make you feel good.”

“Please,” Nesta begged softly, and Y/N struck.

Her face lowered to Nesta’s soaked sex, the grip on her hand immediately tightening as she breathed in her scent, her nose nudging her clit. She glanced up, drinking in the sight of flushed cheeks and parted lips and the firm, furrowed brow. And then she dipped, licking a stripe up the centre of her.

Nesta immediately gasped, her hips lifting off the couch. Again – that contrast of ice and fire. Y/N’s tongue was an inviting trail of coolness as she lapped at the damp heat of Nesta’s cunt. Nesta’s hand was clenching around hers, and her nails dug slightly in as Y/N’s tongue reached the apex of her thighs, swirling around the sensitive bud of her clit.

“Oh, gods,” Nesta moaned, throwing her head back. Every little lick and lap was like being touched for the first time. Attentive and giving and raw. Her heart moved at a thudding gallop inside her chest, seeming to jerk at every sensation.

“Is that good?” Y/N hummed against her, her teeth lightly grazing her clit.

“Yes. Fuck, Y/N, yes.”

Nesta could feel Y/N’s lips smiling against her. Her body trembled, fighting with the urges to both give and take as Y/N licked and nipped and sucked. But this was about giving over control – about taking. And as Y/N used her free hand to slowly slide a finger into her, she was happy to do just that.

“Doing so well for me.” Y/N breathed, pumping her finger in and out as Nesta’s juices coated her tongue. The taste had every one of her nerves alert and craving, and the moans she let out were certainly not for show as she fucking devoured. “Gods, you taste like sunlight.”

Never would Nesta have believed that anyone would describe her as sunlight. The praise felt just as pleasurable as the sensations as she reached out, threading her empty hand within Y/N’s hair. She gave a gentle tug, and Y/N grinned, sliding another finger into her.

She curled those two fingers inside of her, and the delicious ache that was beginning to build and pique, the feeling of those fingers and her tongue working inside her and against her–

“Fuck, I can’t–” Nesta’s hips lifted off the seat again, her head thrown back.

“You can let go.” Y/N lapped against her, pumping her fingers faster, harder. “Let go, Nesta. I’ve got you.”

Nesta did just that, a shout breaking from her throat as release overtook her body. She was nothing but pure, shaking, feverish pleasure as she came, hips bucking and legs trembling. She gripped onto Y/N’s hair, riding her release against her face.

Incredible, really, that Y/N didn’t falter once. Even as Nesta’s centre was grinding against her, practically smothering her, she seemed hungry for the whole thing, continuing the expert strokes of her fingers and tongue. And as Nesta’s trembling legs buckled and had her tumbling back onto the sofa, Y/N held her, kissing her thighs and stroking her hand still intertwined with hers.

Seconds or minutes or hours could have passed, and Nesta’s heart was still thudding, her ears ringing. When she’d regained enough sense to speak, she was weakly pulling on Y/N’s hand, tugging her up, up towards her. As soon as their faces were close enough, Nesta captured Y/N’s lips in a kiss, moaning at the taste of herself that lingered there.

“I want you.” Nesta breathed, pulling back just slightly. She stared at Y/N, swallowing, wondering – and knowing, deep down – what the fire was that had been lit inside of her. “I want — more.”

Y/N studied her face, the flushed cheeks and glazed eyes. She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Nesta’s mouth, and then she was tugging her to her feet. “So stay.” She said.

Nesta didn’t need to respond – not as Y/N pulled her from the room on shaking legs.

She felt more alive than she had in months. Than she thought she might ever feel again.

And for the first time in years – perhaps for the first time in her life – she felt like she’d found home.

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lucienarcheron · 28 days

Text

Spirit Meets the Bones - X

Genre: Angst/Romance Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. Please be mindful: some implied language may be found triggering.

shoutout to my darling @abruisedmuse for being on this journey with me <3

Find it all here.

Lucien and Elain looked up from their breakfast as Eris paused at their gate, glancing at them seated on their front porch. They had been residing in a beautiful home on the outskirts of the Day Court Palace for a few months now, choosing a life separate from the previous ones they’d both known.

Of course, it was also because his brother was the heir to the Day Court and a very limited number of people aside from himself knew this information now.

To everyone else, Lucien and Elain lived here courtesy of his emissary connections and Helion’s sudden interest in Elain’s seer abilities. Nothing more, nothing less.

Eris swallowed, frozen where he stood, fists clenched at his sides as he debated whether to move forward or go back with the way his brother and sister-in-law watched him, concerned.

“You’ll have to come a little closer for breakfast. If I throw it at you, I don't think you would catch it from over there.” Elain coaxed gently and Eris glanced at her then with a breath, he began walking towards them.

“Is mother alright?” Lucien asked immediately, standing as Eris joined them.

“She’s fine,” Eris said tiredly, sinking into a chair between them. “As fine as she can be with my father still, unfortunately, alive.”

Lucien and Elain exchanged a glance.

“Then what’s wrong? Has your wife kicked you out already?” Lucien said as he took his seat again, eyeing Eris.

“Lucien!” Elain reprimanded and shot him a scowl, but Lucien only grinned at his mate and blew her a kiss. Elain rolled her eyes but allowed it before turning back to Eris. “Should we be worried you’re here so early?”

Eris scowled, quiet for a moment. It was probably a mistake to come to his brother and his brother's mate who were disgustingly and happily mated and married, when he was currently not feeling the happiness of matrimony. His face heated.

Elain slowly pushed a cup of tea towards him, watching him with wide eyes. Lucien kicked him under the table.

“What’s wrong?” he asked his brother again and Eris sighed.

He sat back in his chair and looked up at the morning sky — so peaceful, the sun so bright in this spacious court. His lips went into a thin line debating how much he should share. How much should he say?

A lifetime ago, he would’ve rather choked on faebane than discuss anything with Lucien, but things were different now. They had reconciled in an unexpected way, mostly thanks to Elain whom he truly cherished like a sister. Every single thing he had kept to himself over the years about his father, about his own feelings towards Lucien, about any involvement he had with Lucien’s life — had all come out and Lucien in return, hadn’t held back. It had been a slow mend, but it was one Eris held dearly.

Three years had passed and so many things had changed between them all for the better. They were better.

Still, he balked at the idea of talking about Iris. Talking about his feelings. His mother was one thing but this…

“My wife is a delight.” he said dryly.

Lucien and Elain exchanged another look, both holding back slight smiles.

“Is she pretty?” Elain asked and leaned towards him, resting her chin in her hands. It reminded Eris of when Iris had done that same gesture and he frowned.

“Unfortunately.”

“How can that be unfortunate!” Elain asked with a laugh and shoved him lightly. Eris gave her a reluctant smile.

“It’s unfortunate because he can’t decide if he likes her or wants to throttle her,” Lucien said with a snort and Eris waved a hand towards his brother as Elain gave them both a reproachful look.

“Don’t talk about her like that! That’s rude,” she said and pointed at Lucien who held up his hands with a chuckle.

“He’s not wrong,” Eris said with a snort of his own. “She’s breathtaking but has quite the temper and frankly, kind of a pain in the ass.”

“Is her temper the reason why you left your breathtaking wife and joined us here early in the morning?” she asked, and Eris paused here. He debated once more, exactly how forward he should be.

He pursed his lips, his cheeks reddening slightly before he very, very quietly said, “It’s…not going quite well at the moment.”

A beat of silence passed then Lucien slammed his hand on the table.

“Pay up, dove. I told you he would be a little bitch about it.” Lucien said and held out his hand, but Elain smacked his hand away with a scowl and turned back to Eris who flipped Lucien off with a glare.

“What do you mean?” she asked calmly, now sliding a plate of food toward him.

“My father,” Eris said dully and all mirth left Lucien’s body as he sat up slowly.

“What did he do?”

“What he does best — ruin my life.” he muttered and with more of Elain��s gentle coaxing and Lucien’s very aggressive shoving, Eris recapped snippets of what happened, leaving out all the details he didn’t think Iris would appreciate anyone else knowing.

“We had a lovely continuation of the bitterness this morning. Which made everything worse.” Eris muttered. “Whatever fragile thing we had went up in flames because my father is an asshole, and she couldn’t take it. And then she was an asshole to me, and I was an asshole right back.”

“Just two peas in an asshole pod, huh?” Lucien asked and Eris scowled at him. Lucien held up his hands again, but the twitch of his lips had Eris rolling his eyes.

“Mother keeps talking about kindness but I’m unsure where the hell that’s supposed to come from.” he said dully and frowned, pushing his teacup around.

Elain pursed her lips, watching him. “But didn’t you say it was going well at first? You two were getting along?”

“Yes.”

“Then the problem isn’t the two of you.” Elain said simply and Eris blinked at her.

“Did you miss the part where I said we were being assholes to each other?”

“We all know who triggered that,” Lucien said with a snort. “Our — your father is the source of every single problem within our family.”

Eris frowned again. “That’s fair.”

“Where did you tell her you were going this morning?” Elain asked.

“I didn’t tell her.”

“You just...left?” Lucien asked with raised brows.

“We weren’t exactly on the best-speaking terms.” he grumbled, and Elain exchanged a look with Lucien then chuckled.

“Do you want my opinion?”

“No, I just came to steal your food and kick Lucien.” he replied with a snort and promptly kicked Lucien, who kicked him right back.

Elain shot them both a look before she stirred her tea and spoke, “I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. The last serious relationship you were in was so long ago and it didn’t end well. But Iris is different. She’s your wife but she’s also not used to your family dynamic. She’s not used to you.” she said quietly, and Eris’s fingers clenched. “You can’t be surprised that she reacted that way. Being told about Beron is one thing...experiencing him is another. It was a stressful situation for the both of you.”

“I know this. I know.” he said quietly and looked at Lucien. “But you know he’s going to make things worse. How much more sneaking can I do? How much more hiding? Every move I make is a risk. On myself. On mother. And now on her. I can’t even pretend to tolerate my wife because he’ll twist it. I can’t even be nice to her in front of him —”

Elain squeezed his hand as his volume rose and Eris leaned his head back and took a deep breath.

“Eris, remember that he needs you.” Lucien said quietly, shooting his brother a sympathetic look. “He needs you and that kills him. Make Iris a boundary he can’t cross. Force it if you have to.”

Eris swallowed and was quiet for a moment, his eyes up at the sky. “I can only force so much before he thinks she’s too important. There’s so much more to lose with her in the picture. She’s an unexpected variable now and I don’t know how to —” he paused and glared at the sky. “I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it.”

“What exactly were you expecting?” Elain asked him with a small smile and Eris shrugged.

“I don’t know. A viper only interested in money I can give her and leaves me alone. Or maybe a cowering thing that cried at the sight of me who would also leave me alone.” he muttered. “I don’t know which would be easier to ignore.”

Lucien rolled his eyes at his brother. “So, either one as long as you had nothing to do with her?”

“Yes.”

“That doesn’t seem like a happy marriage.” Elain remarked and Eris looked at her with furrowed brows.

“Who said anything about happy?”

Elain and Lucien exchanged another glance before turning to look at him.

“So, you’re telling me,” Lucien began and gave his brother a knowing look. “That all this time you’ve spent with Iris so far, there wasn’t a moment you could see yourself being truly happy with her?”

Eris pursed his lips and immediately, the moment of them at the piano popped into his head. He scowled. He had known from that first night that he wanted it to work. That there was something about her that was...more.

His scowl deepened. “It doesn’t matter. My father will ruin anything. There’s no point in trying.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong, you fool.” Elain chided, swatting his hand. “Trying is the most important part of it. Nothing works without effort.”

“Besides, the Eris I know wouldn’t wait for me to tell him to do something about Beron.” Lucien added. “You would’ve already done something.”

“I did already,” Eris replied with a wave of his hand. “You know how easily I can annoy him with little things. I’m sure he’ll call on me the moment I return to yell at me.”

“Good,” Lucien said, sitting back. “You’re good at annoying him all on your own but if you need anything from me, let me know.”

Eris shot him a small smile. “I can’t even ask you for relationship advice since you’re so terrible at it. Why would I ask you about anything else?”

“My wife is literally sitting right here.”

Eris turned to Elain. “He’s terrible, isn’t he?”

“Just the worst.” Elain said with a grin and Lucien rolled his eyes.

Eris had to look away as they exchanged a look too full of love for him to witness. He was starting to regret his visit. He shouldn’t have come here and burdened anyone else with his problems. It was like his mouth had gotten used to sharing things and now he didn’t know how to shut the fuck up. Clearly —

A swift kick to his shin had Eris swearing as he glared at Lucien. “What the fuck was that for?”

“You’re overthinking. Shut the fuck up.”

“Honestly, Eris. You know we want to be a part of your life and love when you share things with us.” Elain said gently with a knowing smile. “I know we couldn’t be at the wedding but that doesn’t change that we want to have a relationship with Iris too.”

“I’m still trying to have a relationship with her.” he said with a scoff and Elain rolled her eyes as Lucien chuckled.

“Well, ask yourself this,” Lucien began. “Since you are, generally, a giant pain in everyone’s ass on the regular —”

“Well, fuck you too brother.”

“— do you want to be a pain in the ass for her too?”

Eris pursed his lips. Of course, he didn’t. He wanted it to work. Badly. The tips of his ears heated just thinking about how badly he wanted to have an actual relationship with his wife.

“Not on purpose, I guess.” was the only answer he was willing to give, and Elain rolled her eyes at him.

“The world won’t end if you say you want to be nice to your wife.” she said with a small laugh.

“Didn’t want to give anyone a cardiac arrest with that sort of confession.” he said dryly, and Lucien snorted.

“My dear big brother, the worst of our court with his sinister smile and wrath of the gods,” Lucien said dramatically, and Eris scowled. “Be nice to his wife? By choice? The world as we know it is ending.”

Eris just turned to Elain. “Can I still have food if I stab him?”

“I’m afraid not, no.” Elain said with a smile. “I like having him around.”

Eris made a gagging sound as Lucien blew Elain a kiss that she returned.

“Mated freaks.” he mumbled but Lucien only gave his brother a knowing smile.

“You know what you want isn’t out of your reach.” he said. “You already know how you want this relationship to go. Make it work. Even when you’re embarrassed about it.”

“Like mother told you, get to know each other away from everyone else,” Elain added. “It’ll help more than you know.”

“More importantly, put your father in his place. You play your role too well.” Lucien said with a pointed look and Eris sighed as Elain patted his arm.

“Patience. Give yourself more time with her. Nothing is going to happen overnight.” Elain added and though Eris nodded, the attention was starting to make his self-loathing fester again, so he squinted at Elain.

“That’s rich coming from you.” he teased, and Elain smacked his arm.

“Don’t be a jackass, that was long ago.”

Eris put a hand over his heart and smirked. “But who am I if not a jackass, little acorn?”

“If that’s the side you’re showing Iris, you’re lucky she hasn't slit your throat yet.” Lucien said with a grin then laughed when Eris smirked shamelessly.

“She desperately wants to. With my own dagger, no less.” he said and couldn’t help the small chuckle that slipped his lips — which was a mistake because Lucien and Elain exchanged yet another look and then turned back to him.

“Eris. You’re not who Beron keeps trying to make you to be.” Lucien said quietly and Eris’s smile faded. “You just need to be honest with her.”

“I’m trying,” he said with another sigh. “She doesn’t trust me yet.”

Elain gave him a small smile. “Communication takes time. It’ll work itself out,” she said and patted his hand. “I’m going to make you a bouquet to take back for Iris and smooth things over so you can talk it out. What flowers does she like?”

Eris blinked and pursed his lips, fingers drumming on the table. “At the risk of sounding like a complete imbecile, I’m going to go with irises?”

Elain snorted and stood. “I’ll make a mix but if she hates it, blame yourself and ask her what kind she likes for next time.”

“How many apology bouquets are you expecting me to give her?” he asked with a scoff, turning to watch her as she walked away then turned back to Lucien with a frown. “She was mean to me too, you know.”

Lucien rolled his eyes. “Suck it up. She has to deal with Beron now.”

“He’s my father.”

“You had no choice in the matter. She did and still landed in our miserable family.”

Eris made a noise. “She didn’t really have a choice either, you know. Her father is as big of a piece of shit as mine,” he said then waved his hand. “Speaking of fathers, how are you and Helion?”

Lucien’s lips twitched and Eris raised a brow.

“He got me a whole wardrobe of just togas.” Lucien said quietly, flushing lightly. “It is very...breezy.”

Eris snorted then started laughing. “I bet Elain loves those.”

“That she does.” Lucien said with a grin when Eris laughed again. Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he added, “He’s trying though. It’s been...an adjustment but he’s a good male.”

“Overbearing mother hen, huh?” Eris asked, running a hand through his hair with a small smile.

“Just a smidge,” Lucien said with a chuckle. “But Elain and I really like it here.”

Lucien paused here, looking away for a moment then gave Eris a sad smile. “He’s never stopped loving her, you know. He’ll wait for her forever.”

“I know.” Eris said quietly. “It’s the least of what she deserves.”

Lucien licked his lips before quietly adding, “The letters she sends me...she’s careful when she includes those...extra ones, right?”

Eris let out a small breath. Alongside Elain’s packages, his mother loved sending letters to Lucien and her letters often had other letters hidden to a specific someone that would cost his mother her life should his father find out.

“As careful as she can be. Even though it's a huge risk and I don’t like it,” he replied and rubbed his bottom lip. “I can’t bring myself to stop her when I know it’s bringing back some small ounce of her happiness.”

And Eris would hand-deliver the letters to Helion himself if it meant his mother’s eventual happiness. He would bring his mother right to Helion’s fucken doorstep right now if he could and get her away from his father.

But not yet. It was enough she was finding her spark again, rekindling herself slowly.

Lucien’s lips tightened into a thin line as he asked quietly, “He knows for sure now, doesn’t he?”

Eris nodded tightly. “He does but hasn’t actually said anything. Helion hasn’t openly claimed you either, so he won’t be the one to expose anything.”

“He’s not going to risk it until Mother is safe because this time, she won’t be going back,” Lucien replied tightly. “He’s waited too long for her to be with him. He will shred Beron to pieces the moment she says so.”

“She’s ready to shred him to pieces herself but not yet.” Eris replied quietly. “Soon.”

Lucien nodded then looked his brother over once more.

“I know it’s hard, Eris, but keep being honest with Iris. You being vulnerable lets her want to be vulnerable with you.” He advised gently and gave his brother a small smile as Eris scowled, his face coloring lightly. “You have to be the one to guide this relationship until she’s more comfortable. She’s going to need that from you.”

“It’s...hard.” He said through clenched teeth and Lucien nodded again.

“I know. It makes you feel like you want to hurl your insides and then shoot yourself with six arrows. Repeatedly.” he said with a chuckle. “But if you want to get anywhere with her, you need to build trust.”

“I tried that and the first chance she got, she threw it in my face.”

“She was angry and scared. It doesn’t make it right but with time, it will get better.” Lucien said, standing with a smile as Elain made their way back to them. “I would know. And I tell you, it’ll be worth it.”

Eris watched his brother’s smile widen as Elain beamed back and his heart clenched. He hated this feeling. This stupid, foolish feeling of longing. Of want.

Sighing, he stood as well, turning as Elain held out the bouquet to him and Eris blinked rapidly.

“How the fuck am I supposed to walk into our court with this? It’s a smoke signal.”

“Do you want to make up with your wife or not?” she asked sharply, and Eris nodded quickly. “Then shut up and take the bouquet.”

Eris reached out to take the flowers then paused. “Elain, look away.”

Rolling her eyes, Elain turned with a huff and the brothers grimaced at each other before awkwardly and very quickly hugging with a pat on each other’s backs. Before Lucien could stop him, Eris swiftly punched him in the gut.

“Eris!” Elain reprimanded, whirling around.

“That was for the punch last time. You’re a piece of shit.” Eris said and patted his brother’s shoulder.

“Fuck you, asshole.” Lucien wheezed, flipping him off.

Taking the flowers from Elain, Eris leaned in to kiss her cheek then pulled back with a sigh. “Thank you. For listening to me.”

“Anytime, shitface.”

“Always.” Elain said with a smile. “Now bring Iris over soon. We insist!”

Eris nodded his thanks again with a tight smile and walked the few steps away from them before he winnowed back home. Even after they’ve been working on their relationship for so long, it still embarrassed him to be so open with them. To be...affectionate. He didn’t hate it though. The back of his neck heated at the fact that he liked it too much for his own good.

He took the path with the least traffic, not wanting to run into anyone to see him holding flowers like an idiot. He glanced at the bouquet warily, wondering if Iris even liked flowers. But he’d try anything not to have that bitterness between them.

Eris made his trek slowly back to their wing, all the while thinking of his father and his conversation with Lucien and Elain. Eris knew better than to let Beron get away with talking to both of them that way, but yesterday’s conversation triggered bad memories and bad memories caused a spiral of more negative emotions. It wasn’t like he had too many healthy coping mechanisms.

He rolled his shoulders back. He wouldn’t let it happen again. It was his job to protect his wife and Eris would be damned if he let Beron take another thing away from him.

Eris could be a thorn in anyone’s side at the drop of a hat, especially his father. He could remind Beron exactly how soft he could be.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the doors to their chamber and stepped into his living space, his eyes darting across the room. But no Iris in sight.

Placing the flowers on the table, he walked towards their bathroom and put an ear against the door.

“Iris?” he called out. He heard a small rustle and waited a few minutes with no response. Eris rolled his eyes and just as he opened his mouth to call out again, a knock came to their door.

Abandoning his attempt to talk to his wife, Eris stalked to the door and opened it to find one of his sentries standing there.

“Lord Eris.” he said with a nod.

“He got the report?” Eris asked, leaning against the door with a small smirk.

“He did. He’s requested you in his chambers.”

“But of course. Who am I but an obedient son?” he said, and his sentry’s lips twitched at the tone. Glancing once more behind him, his eyes flickered to the space at the bottom of the door and the shadows shuffling behind it. The corner of his mouth ticked up. He’d give her a few more minutes. And when he returned...they would have better words.

#eris vanserra #eris vanserra x oc #elucien #eris x oc #eris vanserra fanfic #guess who makes a cameo!#acotar fanfiction #gfics #smtb chapters #if you'd like to be tagged or removed (no hard feelings lol) please let me know!!#thank you for reading!!! <3

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crazy-ache · 1 month

Note

Elucien….number eight 🥵 please?

8 ...secrecy.

"What did you want to show me again? So far from the party?" Lucien turned to look at Elain, whose shoulder was now brushing against his arm as they stood in the cramped proximity of her garden shed.

From the far distance, the sound of stringed instruments blurred into the horizon, a faint reminder of her sister's ongoing mating ceremony. "Well," Elain licked her lips nervously, turning to face him fully. Carefully, she pulled out a thin box from a drawer. "I thought you could finally remove the enchantments from the gloves you had gifted me."

Lucien slowly turned, looking down at the familiar gloves he had spelled years ago now. He was quiet as she continued on. "You see...I don't like being treated like something fragile. Like how everyone treats me. Something delicate and precious."

His gaze dragged from the gloves, to her trembling fingers, up her flushed neck, until they found her parted lips. He raised a single eyebrow, his strong, warm hands sliding into her grasp until they were both holding the pair of gloves together, flesh brushing against flesh.

"But Elain," his grip tightened on the gloves, taking it from her shaky hold, from where she radiated longing and desire. He placed it carefully behind him on the shelf. She did not move a muscle, her brown eyes wide. "You are precious. You are precious to me."

Lucien stepped closer, his lips grazing her cheek. Her shudder was an invitation, a beckoning for more. A burning whisper next to her ear made the air escape from her lungs. "And I intend to shatter you to pieces."

It didn't matter if she couldn't breathe, because then his breath was on hers, and as his arms circled around her, they became one. Lucien crashed into her, hands at her neck, then her back, then firmly at her backside until she found herself on the small table of her shed. Pots and tools clattered on the ground.

Lucien's kiss grew in force and hunger for her lips and skin, and Elain felt herself break into pieces again and again and again.

And only Lucien Vanserra could put her back together.

Kiss prompts.

#pro elucien #elucien #elain x lucien #ask box #this was a fun one #kiss prompts

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separatist-apologist · 2 months

Text

Traitors Never Win

Summary: When Feyre Archeron's father promises she'll marry notorious crime boss Rhysand Moreno, Feyre will do anything to get out of the arrangement…including framing him for murder.

Rhysand isn't about to let her go so easily.

Read on AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Now I get to write nessian

Rhys knew he was on borrowed time.

Never more so than when Cassian and Azriel crossed into Wisconsin to track down the newly reunited Nesta and Elain. The sisters were officially out of custody and it was only a matter of time before someone went to check on Feyre. Rhys was no closer to making her his wife that morning than he had been when he met her.

It occurred to him that he could force her. Drag her home, tie her up, gag her, and call someone willing to overlook her distress. He wanted a more auspicious start for them rather than repeat his own mothers marriage. She’d never been happy with his father despite his fathers obsession with her.

Rhys rolled to his side where Feyre lay, her back facing him. Gently, he ran his finger over the soft ridges over her spine and considered his next move. He needed her—and refused to give her back. He was out of options, though.

For the two of them, it was now or it was never. If he told her, though, Feyre would dig her heels in. Stubborn to a fault, Rhys believed she’d refuse to marry him on principle, even if she wanted him. It had to be a conclusion she came to on her own, even if he manipulated her into thinking she wanted it.

Staring at his phone, Rhys reread the message Cassian sent that morning.

Get home if you can. Koschei is on our trail and if he’s found us, he’ll find you.

Oh, no doubt he was sending one of his little soldiers out to Rhys. It was fucked up and he knew it…but maybe a little danger was what Feyre needed. Just enough adrenaline to see him clearly, make a decision she wouldn’t normally, and see it finalized before she could change her mind. Rhys could keep her distracted with his body if she agreed, trapped in a rose colored haze for the next few weeks.

And then it would be too late. There was no divorce for them.

Besides, if that didn’t work he could always just get her pregnant, assuming she wasn’t already. He’d been too nervous to ask if she was using birth control, unwilling to admit any part of his fucked up plans. He’d been poking around her cabinet looking for them—but maybe she used an insert.

Maybe he ought to stop obsessing over her body, he reminded himself. Everything was fine—case and point, Feyre was naked in his bed and he hadn’t had to force her to do it. And while she had kicked him in the stomach once, she’d also flipped herself onto her stomach and raised her ass in the air when she felt his cock pressed against her tailbone.

And he’d take it.

“Hey, pretty baby,” he whispered, brushing his lips against the back of her neck. It was fun to see goosebumps rise on her shoulders, to feel her stir against the morning light pouring through the windows. “Are you hungry?”

Feyre was always hungry—if Rhys didn’t know what she wanted, he could always start with food.

“Do you ever sleep in?” she mumbled.

“Would you like to?” he questioned. Rhys loved to be up early, with a cup of coffee in one hand while he sat outside and watched the sun rise. It reminded him that he was alive and Rhys knew too well how much a gift that was. Especially for someone like him, forever hunted. Even then, Rhys could feel Koschei getting closer and closer.

Not the man himself, of course. He’d let people like Hybern do the work for him, venturing out only if everyone around him failed. If he hadn’t been so focused on Feyre, Rhys would have been working on drawing them out and setting his little traps.

Maybe he still could.

“Yes,” Feyre interrupted, unaware of the slant of his thoughts. “Until at least noon, but maybe all day.

“A whole day in bed?” Rhys practically purred, trying to imagine it. In his daydreams, they were somewhere tropical and isolated, surrounded by warm water and open skies.

Feyre rolled onto her back, making him painfully aware of her perky breasts staring up at him. “Yeah, Rhys. You never spend a day just rotting in bed?”

“No,” he admitted. He got up, he went to the gym, and he went to work—always in that order. Even when he was sick, Rhys thought it was better to get up and power through than to stay in bed doing nothing.

Still, if Feyre was in his bed, the thought of nothing suddenly seemed exceptionally appealing.

“Never?” she questioned, blue eyes focused on his face.

“I could be tempted,” he told her, trying—and failing—not to look at her naked breasts.

“Today?”

This was what he needed—Feyre, inviting him to stay in bed with her where the activities were fairly limited and he was positive she’d have sex with him at least once.

“Why not,” Rhys agreed, sliding his phone onto the table next to the bed.

Feyre settled among the pillows once she’d reached over the edge of the bed for his shirt—he was letting her wear them despite losing access to her body, if only because he liked the sight of her in his too big shirt.

She wore it like a dress, drenched in his scent. There was something primal about it, he decided. Rhys liked the way she looked in his clothes, his bed, his everything.

“What now?” Rhys questioned, hoping she was going to let him slip beneath the blanket and have his wicked way with her.

Feyre considered his question. “Now we just…lay here. We could watch something, or—” “Or we could talk,” he suggested. Feyre raised her brows.

“Is that a euphemism?”

“No. I like the sound of your voice,” Rhys admitted. “Tell me about your life.”

“What part?” she questioned.

“All of it,” Rhys said, greedy as ever. “Tell me all of it.”

Feyre balked a little—did he want to know about being a baby, she wondered? Yes, he’d declared. Start from the beginning, tell him everything. And Feyre, for her part, did. It wasn’t linear, but she told him stories about her life while Rhys listened, absorbing it all. He did get up to make breakfast, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and nothing else while Feyre trailed after him.

She was less prickly that morning, answering his questions when he asked. And Rhys had a thousand questions—a million, really—that he wanted answered. He brought the food into the bedroom, tempted to feed her fruit from his fingers though he abstained. No need to ruin what was turning into a perfect day.

“Why did you kill him?” Rhys heard himself asking later in the day. She’d danced around her father, omitting him from most of her stories.

Feyre drew her knees to her chest, back resting against the wooden headboard. “I was angry,” she admitted. “I’d been angry for a long time.”

“Why?”

She grew silent for a moment, contemplating her feelings. “I guess…after our mom died, he just became something of a shell. He was spending money recklessly, he was making decisions without telling anyone…”

That explained her anger about their engagement, he supposed.

“All he wanted to do was hole up in his office. He left everything else to me and my sisters and we just…we weren’t accustomed to taking care of his household. Elain was taking care of him and Nesta was just so mad all the time which caused us to fight…I was just tired. And when he came home and he informed me he’d decided to marry me off, I guess I just snapped.”

“You know, I was at home when I heard the news he was dead,” Rhys told her, wondering if she cared about him at all. Feyre looked over, eyes bright again.

“Were you angry when they told you what I said?”

Rhys smiled. “No. I had a good laugh about it, though. If I was going to kill your father, I would have done a far neater job.”

“Were you? Going to kill him, I mean?”

“No. His debts would have killed him eventually without any help from me. I was merely a bandaid for his bigger problems. If you wanted him dead, you should have come to me.”

“And what? You would have done it? Just like that?” she asked skeptically, snapping her fingers to illustrate her point.

“Just like that,” Rhys agreed easily.

“Why me? Why not Nesta or Elain?”

Rhys couldn’t even remember what they looked like. He just shrugged. “Would you hate me if I told you that you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen?”

“No,” she replied with the pinkest cheeks he’d ever seen. “I’m starting to think its not possible to hate you.”

“I’m growing on you,” he said with a grin.

“Like a fungus,” she agreed. “You should hate me, you know.”

He shrugged. “I don’t see why. If I were in your position, I might have done the same.”

“I don’t think I’d be so forgiving,” she informed him, looking over to drink him in. “I don’t know if your face is that tempting.”

“What about the rest of me?” Rhys questioned, running a hand down his bare torso. “Maybe I should have sent you a picture of my cock—”

“That would not have helped!”

“You don’t know that,” he replied good naturedly. “It’s a nice cock.”

She didn’t argue, and Rhys didn’t push her. He knew the truth and besides, there was no point in ruining what was shaping into being a perfect day. She was in his bed, telling him about her life and for once they weren’t arguing or snapping. It was a little peek into the life he wanted—domesticated Feyre purring in his lap like a house cat.

“I didn’t plan it,” she finally said, eyes glazed with memory. “It just happened.”

“I don’t judge you for it,” Rhys told her, unwilling to admit that he couldn’t remember everyone he’d killed.

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t. I wasn’t thinking about you at the time. I planned to turn myself in—”

“Foolish,” Rhys hissed, immediately frustrated by the thought. Even with all his money and influence, Rhys didn’t think he could have kept her from prison.

Feyre offered him a small smile. “You sound like my sister.”

“You did the right thing,” he praised, not wanting her to feel an ounce of guilt on his behalf. “They’ll never tie me to it.”

“I said you did it,” Feyre reminded him.

Rhys tapped her nose with the tip of his finger. “You didn’t see me, little love. And just as soon as Azriel gets back, there will be no evidence tying you or me to that death.”

“Why do you say that?” Feyre asked, her face paling.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said quietly. “The less you know, the better.”

“I thought we were equals—”

“We would be if you were my wife,” Rhys shot back before he could stop himself. Feyre crossed her arms over her chest, eyes narrowing.

“Why? So I can’t testify against you—”

“So I don’t have to testify against you,” he snarled, suddenly furious. “You committed the crime, Feyre—not me. And one of these days some overzealous agent looking for a promotion is going to reexamine the scene, the evidence, and who was standing in that house that day and they’re going to realize what you’ve done.”

She took a breath. “They won’t.”

“They will,” Rhys replied. “Trust me—putting away a mobster is the dream of every cop. They write your names in books for that kind of take down. They’ll be looking for me…but they’ll find you. And then they’ll send some nervous, sweaty asshole to my door offering to look the other way if I tell them what happened when I tracked you down. That’s a tempting offer, Feyre.”

“Are you blackmailing me?”

Rhys didn’t think about it. “If I have to. Though, I’d prefer you willing.”

Feyre stood abruptly, her face unreadable. “I need a minute.”

“Take your time,” he replied, climbing out of bed himself. He let her walk toward the back of the cabin, assuming she was going to his office to think. Let her think about the day she’d sat on his cock while he worked, he thought sullenly. Rhys went to the living room so he could stare moodily out the window.

Nothing ever went the way he imagined. It was hard to celebrate fucking her when she didn’t like him or trust him. Would he blackmail her into being his wife? Rhys wanted to be the kind of man who would say not…but he knew he would. He knew if he couldn’t get her to agree in the next two days, he’d be tying her up again and threatening to turn her in.

“Rhys?” Feyre’s voice asked from behind him. He twisted to look at her, stepping to the left to keep balance.

“Ye—”

The glass behind him shattered and something threw him forcefully to the ground as Feyre screamed, arms up over her head.

“Get down!” he roared, terrified another bullet would silence her. He’d been shot, he realized—though rather than hitting him dead center, he’d been shot through the shoulder. It wasn’t ideal, but it was workable.

Someone was coming—Rhys could hear boots crunching against snow. Twisting, he turned to make his way to Feyre only to find she was gone. Fuck. Now he had two problems—a killer at his front door and a runaway wife out the back. He didn’t have time to grab a gun before the door kicked open.

He knew the bitch standing in front of him. He’d recognize that bottled red hair from space—Amarantha.

“Rhys,” she said, flashing him a vicious smile. “You’re getting sloppy.”

He forced himself to his feet, refusing to die on his knees. “Your aim is as good as it's always been.”

Amarantha shrugged, gloved hands holding her rifle firmly. “You know, I usually love our banter but today I just don’t have time. You’ll forgive my—”

A shot fired, sending Amarantha flying to the ground like a doll who’s strings had just been cut. Rhys looked up to find Feyre, barefoot and pantless, standing in the doorway holding a gun. He expected to see fear—or maybe shock—but all he found on that beautiful face of hers was grim determination.

“A friend of yours?” Feyre questioned, dancing back into the house in an attempt to avoid the snow.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Rhys replied. Feyre came to him, stepping over Amarantha’s body like it didn’t exist.

“You’re hurt,” she said, reaching out to touch the blood before pulling back.

“I’ll survive,” he replied, grateful adrenaline was keeping the pain at bay. This was what he’d wanted, right? A little danger to soften her? Maybe not like this—Rhys had assumed they’d have more of a warning and less bullets coming at them.

Still.

“We need to go,” Rhys told her, steering Feyre toward the bedroom. He’d kept her clothes from that first night specifically for this reason. He couldn’t drag her naked across the country, afterall. Rhys pulled out the jeans, t-shirt, and jacket before tossing it to the bed.

“What about your arm?” Feyre asked, gun still in hand. “Shouldn’t we dig it out?”

“You’re a doctor now?” Rhys asked, hating that he needed her to do this for him. Feyre shrugged.

“I’ve done it before. For my dad, I mean.”

“You’re a good girl, Feyre,” he murmured, wishing he had the time to bend her over the bed. Rhys could still fuck her, injured or not. In fact, he thought the sight of his blood smeared over her tits would send him into a frenzy. “My good girl.”

“I thought she killed you,” Feyre whispered as Rhys sat on the edge of the tub. “I thought…”

“I’m fine,” he told her, heart thudding in his throat. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Yeah,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Rhys couldn’t take his eyes off her while she worked, swallowing his pain so he didn’t upset her. Maybe, in another life, Feyre would have been a doctor—she certainly had a soft touch. She managed to get the bullet out in one go while he was lucky it hadn’t shattered into a million little pieces.

His arm burned by the time Feyre got to suturing, and all he wanted to do was lay down. Dried blood coated his upper half and stained his shorts, the towel beneath his feet, and likely the white tile, too.

“Can you stand?” Feyre whispered, brushing her fingers against his jaw.

“Of course,” he lied. “Go get dressed.” But he couldn’t. Rhys wobbled the moment he tried, flinging out his hand to hold the wall so he didn’t fall backward. His whole body trembled from the dull, throbbing pain from his wound that seemed to echo in his skull.

He didn’t know how long he stood there. Only that Feyre returned, more blur than woman, and led him out.

“You can go,” Rhys whispered as he collapsed to the bed, too heavy to move. His eye lids were iron, unwilling to open once they’d shut. “You should go.”

The blackness ate away at him before he heard what she said in response.

And then he was lost.

FEYRE:

Rhys was a big man.

She’d never really thought about it before he’d collapsed onto the bed, shirtless and bloody. A dull roaring filled Feyre’s ears as panic threatened to consume her. They couldn’t stay—someone else might be coming. So Feyre forced herself to swallow her fear so she could dress him in a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. She packed him a few things, unsure what he’d want to wear when he woke, and then began the arduous task of dragging his muscular body out to the car.

She did it, though. She put him in the back, her guns in the front, and then herself in the car. “We did it,” she said with a grin, turning toward the road with unrestrained glee. His car had a navigation system and after she thought she was far enough from the cabin, Feyre quickly typed in her destination.

And then she drove. It was strange to be in a car again—for the last five years, Feyre had biked everywhere she went. Tamlin had kept her isolated, perhaps to her benefit at the time. Now, though, Feyre finally felt uncaged. Free, somehow.

Feyre drove through the night without stopping, terrified that she was being tracked at first. After she was certain she wasn’t, Feyre worried about leaving Rhys’s unconscious body in the back of her car. The last thing she needed were the cops pulling them over and realizing who they were.

Sheer will alone would keep Rhys from dying.

He was a predictable man. Rhys woke with a start just before the sun began to rise, peering first out the window before looking between the seats at her.

“You’re still here,” he rasped. Feyre smothered her smile.

“Did you think I’d leave you to die?”

“Expected it, actually,” Rhys replied with a grimace. “Where are we?”

“Nevada,” Feyre replied with a grin.

Rhys blinked. “Why?”

“Oh, are you coy now?” Feyre half teased. “Why else would I be here?”

“Feyre—”

“I realized something,” she interrupted, uninterested in his attempts at nobility. It was too late now. “When you were down and I thought you were dead, it occurred to me that I didn’t want you dead. I want to keep talking to you, Rhys. And I know this whole situation is a mess, but I think I might be falling in love with you.”

“Oh, thank God,” he panted, resting his chin on the seat of her chair.

“Plus, I figured this was the only way you’d agree to take me home.”

“You know me so well, darling.”

“Now it's your turn,” Feyre murmured, needing a distraction from the decision she was about to make. “Tell me about your life.”

Rhys settled back against the seat with a soft groan and began to talk. Feyre half listened, mind occasionally wandering to her sisters. She could bring them all back together…though what would they say when they realized the last five years had been for nothing? She trusted them not to betray her, but didn’t trust they wouldn’t shun her.

Nesta, at least.

“What happened after your sister died?” Feyre questioned, wincing at the story of how she’d been shot in the back after his mother had been executed by a rival family.

“Dad went berserk,” Rhys murmured, eyes dark. “He wanted revenge which made him reckless. He died to a bullet, to…and I took over.”

“That must have been hard.”

Rhys shrugged. “Not as hard as you’re imagining. I miss my family, but I was groomed for this. Work is easy.”

“The last five years have been easy?” she questioned.

Rhys smiled. “Frustrating, I suppose…but I found you, didn’t I? Was it all worth it, Feyre?”

“Yeah,” she replied, unsure if that was true or not. There was no reason to give him the satisfaction of being right. “I’d do it all over again.”

Rhys liked that answer, murmuring something about foreplay. It was the perfect time to stop, get a marriage license, and then have a quick, quiet courthouse wedding. Rhys swore up and down he didn’t want anything flashy or big which suited Feyre more than fine. She hated to be the center of attention.

“I want to fly home,” Feyre whispered to him later that night when they were alone, pretending like neither one of them wanted to peel the other out of their clothes. “And I want you to tell your friends to let my sisters come home.”

“What else do you want?” Rhys asked her, fingers laced with hers as he kissed her fingertips.

“If you ever step out of this marriage, I’ll have your balls.”

Rhys chuckled. “I think that’s reasonable.”

There was no question if he needed to issue the same threat. Feyre wondered if Rhys was merely willing to tolerate her indiscretions or if he merely assumed she never would. Feyre knew Rhys well enough to assume if he ever caught her, he’d execute the unlucky man without sparing a second thought.

It should have bothered her and yet it didn’t. Maybe, she thought, she was just as messed up as he was. Maybe worse, because Feyre found herself rolling over to look at him.

“How is your shoulder?” she questioned.

“Fine,” he lied, eyes sharp with hunger.

“Oh? I guess you don’t need me to take care of you, then?” she asked, sliding her leg over his waist. Rhys swallowed.

“You ah…could check,” he said. Feyre straddled him, pushing the hem of his shirt upward over his chest before gently pulling it over his head. She was careful with his injured shoulder, removing that sleeve last so he didn’t have to raise it over his head.

Rhys merely watched, eyes wide while he waited to see what was about to happen. Perhaps this was the moment Feyre would pull out her knife and kill him. Feyre didn’t have a knife on her and the guns she’d stolen were hidden in the hotel room they were staying in, far out of reach.

She merely kissed the wound.

“You can be sweet when you want to be,” Rhys breathed, his good hand resting on her hip.

“Don’t get used to it.”

“Why not?” he replied, arching her neck as she pressed a kiss against the hollow of his throat.

“I want to see you live to old age, which means keeping you sharp.”

Rhys sucked in a shuddering breath, relaxing as she crawled down his body. It felt good not to pretend anymore—to just give in to the life that had always been waiting for her. Maybe she’d regret this in another five years.

But maybe not.

She didn’t right then, as she licked a path down his stomach toward the erection she knew was waiting for her. Rhys seemed to be perpetually aroused and today was no exception.

“Feyre,” he breathed as she pulled his cock from his shorts. “Come back here—”

“Stop talking,” she ordered, just before licking a stripe up his shaft. Rhys moaned, lifting his hips in the air. It was tempting to stop and ask him how often he’d fantasized about this. She didn’t. He’d tell her when they finished, if only because Rhys loved to talk more than he loved anything else. He told her his every thought, sometimes as he was thinking them.

Feyre liked that about him.

“Is this what you want?” she whispered, teasing the blunt head with her tongue.

“Yes,” he all but pleaded.

Feyre took him in her mouth like she’d done the first time, though she wasn’t hanging upside down. Stretching her jaw to accommodate him, Feyre watched through half lidded eyes to gauge his pleasure. In turn, Rhys watched her. He gathered her hair up in his hands, wincing from his wound. It clearly wasn’t painful enough to stop him and Feyre wasn’t going to demand it of him, either.

She wanted to make him feel good, easing her own mind after the day she’d had. She hadn’t told him how she’d had to drag him out to the car, assuming he understood how he’d gotten there. It didn’t make the experience any less harrowing.

Feyre worked on taking him deeper, until his cock was lodged in her throat as she softly gagged around him. Rhys swept his thumb over her jaw before moving his hand to her throat as she took him again, feeling himself through her skin.

“Fuck,” he whispered, keeping his hand loosely wrapped around her. He should have let her continue given how much he was obviously enjoying himself, but he didn't. Rhys tugged her, pulling her mouth off his cock so abruptly that strings of saliva came with her.

“Rhys,” she protested as he lifted his hips, trying to line himself up with her own body.

“Please,” he said in response, finding his target. Rhys slid into her with a fluid motion, both hands on her hips to guide her. “Take off your shirt.”

It was all she was wearing. Feyre had become used to wearing Rhys’s shirts and rather liked it, though she’d never admit it. In that moment, Feyre was happy to comply. She tossed her shirt to the floor as Rhys’s hands slid up her body to cup her breasts.

“You’re so fucking pretty, baby. Do you know that?”

Feyre only moaned, rocking her hips against him. While Rhys tried to touch her everywhere all at once, Feyre merely dug her nails into his broad chest and continued moving against him. Every time Feyre and Rhys met, her clit brushed against his skin causing her to tighten around him.

“You feel so good,” Rhys whined, arching his back. “This is my pussy now.”

It was an absurd thing to say and only a man like Rhys could pull it off. Rising up so Feyre was fully in his lap, Rhys pressed them chest to chest.

“You’re my wife,” he whispered against her neck. “Tell me you love me.”

“Rhys—”

His teeth grazed her throat. “Say it.”

“I love you,” she gasped after a particularly brutal thrust that left her brainless. Rhys kissed her, hands bracing her ass so he was doing most of the work. Somewhere in the very back of her mind, Feyre knew his arm must have been killing him.

Gripping the back of his hair, Feyre pulled Rhys back just enough to force him to look at her. “Now you.” He moaned, “I love you.”

That was enough to send them both careening over the edge, gasping and kissing long after her orgasm had faded. If they had neighbors on either side, they had surely heard everything…and would hear more as they night went on. Who needed sleep, anyway?

Who needed anything at all, beyond the man in front of her.

“Rhys?” she murmured, chin resting on his uninjured shoulder. “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything. Just name it.”

“Take me home.”

Rhys smiled, face pressed to her hair. “You got it, baby.”

#feysand #i literally finished this so i could start working on nessian seriously #also warning for egregious use of the word baby #and for rhys saying something i had to look away from as i typed #it embarrassed me hahaha

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lure-of-writing · 6 months

Text

I'm Sorry

Authors note: Hi everyone! long time no see! I am finally back with what I think will be the last part of the "Never Good Enough" Series (Even though I feel like I should make one with the opposite ending, but that's a topic for a different day) and as always I can't wait to hear what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Summary: After one year, you and Azriel are finally in the same room again and actually ready to talk about your feelings

Word count: 6.2k

Warnings: None- please let me know if I forgot any

Part one, part two, part three

It had been a year since Azriel had last seen you and almost two since you had last lived in the house of wind with him, Cassian and Nesta. Every day since he last saw you was a painful reminder of what he could have had with you but Azriel also knew there was no one to blame but himself.

“He will never be someone I need saved from. You on the other hand, well the same can’t be said for you.” Your words from that day plagued his mind at every moment of the day. When he was with his family, while on a mission, when training with Cassian. Every single moment of every single day it's all he could think about, well that and the way your face just looked so heartbroken and so tired. After he watched you winnow away with Kolos, Azriel knew that he had to change, become a better for you and then maybe then you would be willing to give the mating bond a chance. Azriel knew that the likelihood of you agreeing to try was practically nonexistent but even if there was a sliver of hope then he was going to do anything to try and make it work.

In the days following your final departure from the inner circles, Azriel made a plan of the things he needed to right and the things he needed to change in order to give himself a fighting chance of getting you back starting with Elain.

He had found her exactly where he knew she would be; in the garden of Feyre and Rhysands river house tending to the blooming flowers. “I need to talk to you.” These were the first words Azriel has said to the middle sister in almost a year. He watched as Elain wordlessly moved to sit on a bench while she made a gesture for him to sit. He did not. For a minute all he did was stare at Elain, he wondered how he could ever be with someone like her, someone who wasn’t you. Azriel cleared his throat before speaking. “What we did was a mistake. You have a mate and I should have respected that and you should have also but I am willing to admit that I didn’t. I think it goes without saying but I deeply regret ever having a relationship with you, if we can even call it that. Y/n is my mate and I will do everything in my power for her to give us a chance and even if she doesn’t it does not mean that I will want a relationship with you. I will never want a relationship with anyone but her. I am not asking for you to be understanding of this; but I do need you to be respectful of both me and y/n and whatever relationship we might have.”

He watched as Elain processed his words and for a few minutes there was nothing said. Just the sound of birds singing in the distance along with the sound of the city of Velairs. “No.” Azriel was stunned. “No?” Finally she looked at the shadowsinger “No. I will not respect her since she has never once respected me or our relationship so I won’t respect yours. If there even is one that is. Plus Azriel you would have never regretted it if she wasn’t your “mate”. Once you realize everything she’s told you is a lie you will come right back to me but just know I won’t take you back.” Azriel had never seen Elain act or say anything like that before, apparently he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. “I will never come back to you Elain. But just know if you disrespect her again, even if she's not here, I will not tolerate it.” With that he left the disgruntled woman where he found her.

A few days later Azriel found himself in Rhysands office. Rhys sorted through letter after letter while waiting on Cassian's arrival. “Have you tried to reach out to her?” he wasn’t sure why Rhys was asking considering that he knew the answer “No, I’m giving her the space and time that she requested, Why do you ask?” Rhysand glanced a look at him over the papers. “Just curious.” Azriel knew better than to believe Rhysand was simply “just curious”. “What is the real reason for asking?” Azriel was never to get his answer because just as Rhysand went to open his mouth Cassian came strolling into the room and with that their meeting started.

At first Azriel did not understand how he could be someone you needed to be saved from but the more he sat and replayed the last two interactions he had with you he came to understand where he went wrong. It was not easy to admit that he was in the wrong but he was willing to do anything for you, even if that meant taking a long hard look into the mirror and confronting all of his ugly actions and words towards you , whether they had been intentional or not. After sitting and thinking about how to do better for you Azriel was hit with a groundbreaking realization. There were many moments in life where he had not been wanted even by the people that were supposed to want him. He remembers so vividly how it felt when he was rejected or picked last just because of who he was. He finally understood what you had been saying this whole time. Being picked because you were the last option or because the person picking you had no other option was gut wrenching and that was exactly what he had done to you. If only he had understood this two years ago then maybe he wouldn’t be in this position. Somehow Azriel had to find a way for him to show you that he would pick you a million times over without question, without any hesitation because he wanted you like he's never wanted anyone else.

Kolos watched over the course of the two years as you pieced yourself back together again. With the help of him of course. Nothing brought him more joy than seeing you flourish after walking away from your mate. At first all you did was cry because you were never sure if you had made the right decision or you were angry at how you found out about your mating bond or simply just angry that these were the cards you had been dealt.

“I hate him.” Kolos held your shaking body in his arms while you screamed into the darkness of the night. “I hate him so much. How could he do this to me?” Once more he simply held you and offered no answer for he had none. He, himself, could not understand why Azriel couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

“If you think any harder, that little brain of yours just might explode.” Kolos studied you as you took a seat in the chair in front of his desk propping your legs up on his desk. “How very kind of you my sweet y/n.” snorting you smiled while shaking your head. “Couldn’t get any sweeter if I tried. Trust me I would know.” “Oh I’m sure.” for a second the conversation lulled but it wasn’t uncomfortable you both just sat and observed each other for a minute. “So what do I owe to the pleasure of your company?” grinning from ear to ear you shrugged “I figure that just my mere existence would bring you some much needed joy since without me your day would be quite dreary.” He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Placing an arm on top of his desk he rested his head upon his hand slightly tilted. “How did you know?” he said dramatically. “Anyone's day would get better if they were blessed with my presence.” At that he chuckled “Never been wrong a day in your life huh?” “Never.” lazily you got up out of the unusually comfortable chair. “As much as I enjoy doing good deeds for those in need, unlike you I have a job to do so I will have to cut this charity session short today. I’ll see you later” and with that you were out of his door not without giving him a wink and catlike smile.

Kolos knew that lately the two of you had been crossing over the line of just friends but he would never pressure you into something more. He always followed your lead and respected your feelings. When you first came back to the dawn court there was definitely some light teasing tossed around but he could tell that it was a way to deflect your true feelings and distract yourself from having to feel them but now it was different. It was genuine.

Less than an hour later Kolos was sat across from you where the closest member of Thesans court sat at a circle table. Once again you winked at him with a sly smile before turning to face where Thesan was seated. You were going to be the death of him. For an hour you sat and listened to whatever news the different members had to deliver to your high lord before he relieved the true reasoning for the meeting. “I would like to take a visit to the night court in a few weeks time.” you were stunned to say the least. As high lord Thesan didn’t need to run anything by you but you would assume considering all things he would have at least given you a warning. You looked towards the second in command and saw that Kolos looked just as surprised as you felt. At least you weren’t the only one kept in the dark about this choice.

After taking a much needed bath to relax you quickly dried off before donning a comfortable pair of loose trousers and a sweater you had stolen from kolos months ago on “accident”. Moseying into the living room you found kolos laying on the cream colored couch holding what you could only assume to be anything but interesting reports about nothing important. He watched as you went into the kitchen and started preparing something that he was assuming was for the both of you. “Is that my sweater?” without missing a beat you responded. “And if it is?” for a second he took in your appearance. Wet hair messily braided and resting on top of your shoulder, slightly flushed skin from a bath that he knew was unnecessarily hot, once he walked into the bathroom after you had taken a bath and wonder if he had been transported into a boiling pot of water instead of his bathroom and he wasn’t even in the water he just took a breath of the hot air and that was enough for him, the look of you all bundled up in his sweater. And he couldn’t find it in himself to care that you stole his clothes, you looked better in them anyways. “Then you should keep it. It looks good on you.” Kolos knew you to be a flirt but what you said next truly caught him off guard. “It would look better on the floor.”

Azriel had just returned from yet another mission when Rhysand had summoned to his office where he saw just about every member of the inner circle waiting for seemingly his materialization. “What’s going on?” Azriel watched as his high lord and lady went back and forth mentally on how to tell him about whatever was going on. By the looks of everyone, no one had died or disappeared while he was gone so it couldn’t be that bad. Rhysand quickly looked at Cassian before turning his focus onto him. “Thesan would like to have a meeting with me here in the night court. He said he would like to bring some of his court members with but did not specify which ones. Y/n could be in attendance or she could not be, I don’t know.” Rhysand watched as his brother took in the information he provided him and waited for a reaction.

“When?” Feyre spoke before Rhys could. “In a week's time.” Azriel nodded his head at the information but everyone in the room could tell that it hasn’t really registered with him that you may be in the night court again or even within his sight. “I pray to the mother that she will be here.” It was all that Azriel could say without feeling completely overwhelmed. He may be a crytherian and have been in more wars then he would like to remember but this is the most nervous he's ever been in his life. Azriel knew he had been preparing for months for this exact moment but now that it is arriving he wished he could have a few more months to keep getting ready to speak to you again. Even with the lack of feeling prepared he would do everything in his power to show you just how much work he's put into becoming better for you.

“Cat got your tongue Kolos?” never in his seven hundred year life had he been more dumbfounded then he was in that moment. “Y/n that's not something to joke about.” He watched as you crossed the kitchen and moved to sit across from him on the couch as he moved himself to sit upright in front of you. “Who said I was joking? I mean come on Kolos I’ve been quite blatantly flirting with you for weeks now and you have done nothing but respond to it a few times here and there. I wait to be more than friends, that is unless you do not return my feelings." If you were the same woman you had once been while living at the night court you would have been terrified that his answer could be no but you were no longer her. You were different now, confident and self-assured and countless other empowering things but you were also fearless. Even in a moment where you should be scared you knew no matter what you would be ok and that's all that mattered. Night court you would never recognize dawn court you and for that you were more than thankful.

“Of course I return your feelings” you watched as Kolos fought to find the right words. In his moment of silence you took a moment to truly take in his beauty. While Azriel was mesmerizing and could capture the attention of anyone who spared a glance his way, his beauty would tempt yours in and consume all of it, not letting it ever come back again. Azriels beauty was cold and ruthless. Koloss beauty on the other hand was warm. His golden skin radiates warmth and comfort so do his emerald green eyes that welcome you with uncontained joy. His shoulder length chocolate brown hair, that was always half tied up, helped complete his look of safe comfortability. Kolos had beauty that complemented anyone who was around him. His beauty would bring out yours without any question. You wondered how you were so blind to his beauty before, how had you not noticed it? “And I knew that you were flirting with me obviously, I was doing it back but I just wanted you to be able to heal and figure out what you wanted to do. I was following your lead. I was waiting for you to make the first move. I never wanted to do something and make you uncomfortable so I was waiting for you to decide what you wanted.”

“Was what I said earlier about your sweater looking better on the floor a good enough first move or should I have been even bolder? I’m not really sure how I would get any bolder than that though.” Suddenly the male before you was full on belly laughing and before you knew it he was pulling you into himself. “That was more than bold enough.” gently he cupped your cheek bringing you to face him. “Can I?” his eyes ghosted over your features while he waited for you to respond “Ever the gentlemen” he watched as you finally gave him the go ahead. “Of course.” without being told twice he pulled you into his lips and Kolos swore nothing was ever going to beat the feeling of your lips on his.

During the week leading up to Thesans planned trip to the night court you and Kolos talked about what you wanted and didn’t want, how to go from friends to lovers and anything in between but most importantly how you were going to deal with Azriel once again, since both of you were one hundred percent sure that he would be there no matter what other obligations he had going on.

It was the day before you were to leave with the rest of Thesans court members to attend the meeting with the night court when you found yourself strolling into Koloss office to bother him yet again. “ I’m convinced that you don’t actually do anything besides walk around and bother people.” Kolos didn’t even have to look up to see that it was you who had entered his office. “Be nice Kolos or you just might hurt my feelings.” hearing the slight pout in your voice he looked up to find you perched on the corner of his desk and honestly he wasn’t sure how you got there with him noticing but what he did notice was the mischievous look in your eyes. “But I only walk around and bother you. For the most part I just sit around and look pretty. I thought you knew that?” Kolos could hear the teasing in your voice and once again he knew your only real intention to come to his office was to bother him but he didn’t mind at all, not with you smiling at him like that. “I would never dream of hurting your feelings but thank you for informing me that I am the only person who you bother, it really makes me feel better about myself. And as for you just sitting around and looking pretty, that sounds about right. I knew we didn’t give you a real job.” The light smack you delivered to his arm was accompanied by your sweet laughter filling the room as you tilted your head back from his remark and Kolos knew he would never get enough of that sound “And here I thought you were such a gentleman.” Kolos grabbed the hand you smacked him with and brought it to his lips to place a loving kiss on the back of your hand. “For you sweetheart I will be anything.”

Kolos knew today was going to be a true test for not only you but also for your newfound relationship. Kolos had no fear that you would be swayed by whatever stunt Azirel was sure to pull, since he knew you would not have entered a relationship unless you were one hundred percent sure that it was what you wanted, but he was definitely skeptical of Azriel and what he would do. The lengths he would go to to get you to accept the bond and him.

Thesan, his lover and Kolos himself were in the common throne room waiting for all members of the court to arrive when he saw you walk in with another advisor. You were clearly in a deep discussion when you looked eyes with him. He watched as the two of you slowly made your way over to the now forming circle of people and heard you excuse yourself from the conversation while also promising to continue it at a later time. “So are we thinking this is going to be a full on shit show or a semi-shit show?” Kolos chuckled under his breath as not to disrupt the group with the belly laugh that was threatening to take over. “I was thinking it was going to be more of a game of tug-of-war?” you glared at Kolos as he took in your outfit. It was a two toned dress, one side a light pink and the other a light peach color. The top was asymmetric leaving one shoulder bare and the other covered and of course in y/n fashion the bottom had a slit going up the leg as usual. “I’m kidding sweetheart. It is only going to be a shit show if Azriel opens his mouth otherwise we're safe.” Kolos’s unworried smile was the last thing you saw before Thesan winnowed you to the night court.

Once again you were back in the presence of people you once saw as family. Rhysand was standing promptly at the front of the group like you knew he would be and next to him was Freye. She looked as poised as ever. To her left was Cassian and Nesta looking less than impressed to be a part of this meeting, not that you blame them. It doesn’t take a genius to know that once the high lords left to have their private conversation shit would hit the fan. Lastly to Rhysands right was Azriel, you didn’t have to look in his direction to know that he was looking at you. So skipping over him you looked to the spot next to him expecting to see Morrigan standing next to him but she wasn’t and you couldn't help but wonder where she was at.

“Welcome to the night court.” Rhysands presence took over the room just like his words did. “Thank you for having me. And the members of my court, it is greatly appreciated.” you didn’t hear much after that. You were too busy avoiding four pairs of pleading eyes and praying to the mother you make it out of this meeting relatively unscathed along with Kolos, mother knew he needed it more than you.

It had been at least two hours of Thesan and Rhysand going back and forth about whatever they deemed necessary when you felt Kolos nudge your arm with his. Slowly you looked to see what he wanted “How are you doing?” he questioned quietly while Cassian was speaking. “I’m fine, I just forgot how boring these meetings are. I wasn’t kidding when I said my job is to sit around and look pretty, I have no idea what's going on. I’m going to die of boredom.” Kolos held back the laugh he wanted to let out. He knew that you did in fact know what was going on; you just couldn’t care less about court politics. He also knew you do more than just sit around and look pretty. “Well you are doing an excellent job of pretending that you are lost and you also are doing a good job at doing your “real” job. Keep it up.”

You felt Azriels eyes bounce between you and Kolos through your whole interaction. Actually you felt his eyes on you the whole time since you quite literally magically appeared in front of him. He had watched every move you make, every subtle shift of your face. He watched everything. You could tell he was trying to be nonchalant while in your presence but he was greatly failing. Azriel may be the spymaster but to you he was always an open book from day one and it seems that some things never change. Placing your elbow on top of the table then resting your head on it you stared at the male who once had your heart. If he wanted to be out right obvious then so could you.

Finally Rhysand, Freye and Thesan went to have a private conversation and only then did Azriel come to approach you. You hadn’t even been about to stand from your seat when you felt his presence looming over you. “I need to talk to you. Alone please. Only if you allow it of course.” Azriel watched as you contemplated his words before finally you nodded and motioned for you to lead the way.

If there is one thing that Azriel is used to, it is silence. Being the spymaster and all meant that silence was a staple in his work environment, that is of course unless it called for the opposite. But the silence between the two of you was nerve wracking as he led you to an open cloister before stopping to look at you. Something was different about you but it couldn’t put his finger on it and if he was being honest with himself it scared him not knowing what it was.

Leaning against a pillar you watched as Azriel fought to pick the right word to say. You could tell that he had changed just from watching during the meeting. He was remorseful but also he finally respected not only your choices but you. Silence continued to envelope the space between the two of you while contemplative looks were shared between the two of you. Finally Azriel has the courage to clear his throat and begin speaking. “How have you been?” you know that you shouldn’t be caught off guard by his question. You were friends for hundreds of years before you were mates. “I’ve.. been…good.” if he noticed you lack of a better word, which he did, he didn’t mention it. “How about you, how have you been?” you so desperately wanted to tack on “How have you and Elain been?” on the end but you refrained. Another argument with Azriel was the last thing you wanted to do again. “I’ve been good.” again quietness fell upon the two of you as you nodded in understanding to Azriels answer.

When it became obvious that Azriel wasn’t going to say anything you did. “So what did you need to talk to me about?” this seemed to knock Azriel out of whatever trance he was in. You examine Azriel as he takes a deep breath in an attempt to still himself for whatever he was about to say because clearly it was making him nervous. “There is a never ending list of things that I need to apologize for and trust me I will but for now let me start with this. I ended everything with Elain. I made it very clear what we did will only ever be a mistake and nothing more than that. Not only does she have a mate, which in retrospect I should have accepted at face value and not go forward with a relationship with her and I know that not everyone wants to be with their mate and chose to find another partner that isn’t their mate, but Lucien is not a random person, he is a friend of not only Freye but of the night court and I should have respected him and unfortunately for him, his very unwilling mate.” Azriel took a breath giving you a chance to respond but when you didn’t he continued on. There was no way he was going to mess this up now even with your unflinching gaze upon his and lack of verbal response to his apology. It may make him want to empty the lunch he had earlier into whichever bush was closest but he would endure it to make things right with you.

“I am ashamed to admit this but it took me longer than I would have liked to finally understand what you were saying all those months ago. And I sincerely mean it when I say I am so extremely sorry for the pain I have caused you. I hope you know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I was absolutely blind to the love you had for me even if it was right in front of my face literally for hundreds of years and I now understand what you mean by being my second choice. First it was Morrigan, then it was you. After Morrigan it was Elain and then it was you. You were never first on the list and you are absolutely right when you said if it wasn’t for the bond I would have never picked you. There are so many excuses I could give you as to why it was never you but truthfully none of them would ever be close to good enough. I was too busy looking for the person and love I thought I wanted without ever stopping to realize the person and love I needed was right in front of me this whole time, and for that I am sorry.” Again you simply looked at Azriel without saying anything so he continued on even though he was sure his heart would give out at any second from how hard it was beating.

“I am going to be honest. If it wasn’t for the bond then no I probably wouldn’t have picked you over Elain. I would like to think that one day I would have come to my senses and realized it was you that I wanted and not her but I can’t say that for certain. But I have thanked the mother everyday since the bond snapped into place that you are my mate. I’ve have wanted nothing more than to find my mate and I finally have. I know that I have to earn your trust and prove to you for the rest of eternity, just how much I am grateful that you are my mate, but it is something I am willing to do if it means I get a chance to try again with you. But…”

You may be a different person then what you were two years ago when you left the night court but deep down Azriel is still your friend, he is still someone you would never want to hurt no matter how much he hurt you. So to see the tears welling in his eyes hurt your heart.

“But if this is not something that you want then I will accept your choice, no matter how much it hurts. I will respect that choice. I won’t try to change your mind. I won’t beg you to change your mind, no matter how much I want to. If this mating bond isn’t what you want then just know that I will always be here ready to give us a try. No matter how much time has passed, whether it's one hundred years or a thousand I will be here waiting with open arms just for you. There will never be another person. There is only you. Since the moment I knew we were mates it has only ever been you.”

For the first time since that fateful day you allowed Azriel feel your emotions through the mating bond and he did the same. Remorse, longing, heartbreak, sadness any and every emotion was overwhelming the both of you. It brought tears to your eyes just like it had pushed the tears in Azriels eyes over the dam of his lashes. “Come here” you beckoned while trying to fan the tears away. Azriel didn’t need to be told twice and before he knew it you had wrapped him in your arms and placed your head in the crook of his neck. And Azriel knew there was never going to be a more perfect feeling than you in his arms. Azriel wrapped you in his arms just like you had done with him mere moments before. For a long while there was no sound besides the random sniffle and rouge sob that would escape from each other's body. “I am so sorry.” He mumbled while pressing a kiss into the crown of your hair. Reluctantly he pulled your body away from his and what he found broke his heart even more. Tear stained cheeks that were flushed from crying and red rimmed eyes looking back at him. In that moment Azriel swore to himself that he would never be the reason you cried again.

Bending down to be eye level with you he wiped away your tears while taking in just how beautiful you were even after crying. For a long second you and Azriel just stared into each other's eyes before you finally looked away.

“Oh mother, that really hurt my soul.” a breathy laugh fell from your face as you wiped away the tears that fell after Azriels hands returned to his side. “I can’t believe you said that to Elain. I’m sure she was pissed wasn’t she?” your mate shrugged while giving you a cheshire cat smile. He may not have said anything, for probably not wanting to admit you were right about Elain not being as nice and innocent as she portrays, but his body language told you everything you needed to know.

“I truly appreciate your apology and I am happy that you finally understand what I was trying to tell you all those months ago. You're smart so I knew you would have figured it out eventually.” Azriel laughed at your attempt of a joke. But then he watched as it was your turn to struggle for the right words and suddenly he was nervous all over again. “I don’t know how to say this or if there even is a right way to say this but Azriel please know that what I am about to say is not meant to hurt you in any way. It's actually the last thing I want to do.” It was as if Azriel had been pushed underwater because suddenly he couldn’t breathe and he knew you were going to walk away from him once again by the time everything was said and done.

“As much as I appreciate everything you said and trust me I do. It means more to me than you know. And I can tell how much work you put into understanding where I was coming from which again I truly appreciate it but I need to be honest with you. There are wounds that I am still healing from when I found out we are mates, and it has nothing to do with you. I promise it's just something that I need to work out on my own, and please don’t worry it’s getting better day by day. But there is also something I need to tell you.” Azriel watched as you wring your hands from nerves. “I am in a relationship with Kolos. And I’m sure you have questions but I am not ready to answer them and I hope you can respect that. I don’t know where my relationship with him is going to go but what I can say is that I am finally happy, Azriel. I am not pining after someone who doesn’t want me like I want them and it feels so good to be wanted for no other reason than simply being wanted. And I'm sorry that this information hurts you but I feel the need to be honest with you even though it hurts.”

“I can’t say for certain that I do or don’t want the bond with you Azriel but for now I want to see what else life has to offer me. Completely on my own and not as a member of the night court or day court or whatever other titles have been given to me. I want to go live life unapologetically and maybe one day when everything is said and done I will be able to let go of the anger and hatred I have felt towards you for the past two years. I don’t want to hate you Azriel but there is nothing but sadness and anger and hate towards you and until those feelings are gone I can’t love you. So for now I am going to walk away, not from you but from this relationship because I am not ready. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for breaking yours. I can’t promise that I will ever come back but all I ask is that if I do, you welcome me with open arms and a forgiving heart.”

If Azriel wasn’t heart broken at what you told him before then he sure was now. But he would never be mad at you for doing whatever was best for you even if it meant not being with him. For the second time in his life because of you he was speechless. He knew you were waiting for him to say anything but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, there were no words. Or maybe not enough words in the human language to describe what he was feeling either way he wasn’t sure.

With your mates lack of words you took it as your cue to leave. You placed a kiss upon his cheek and held his hand before slowly backing away while you took in your mate for one last time for mother knows how long. Reluctantly you gave his hand a tight squeeze before letting go “I’m sorry.”

Unable to say anything, Azriel watched your retreating figure go as you followed the path he led you down to get to the cloister, once around the corner he fell to his knees and allowed himself to mourn for the first time in years since learning of your mating bond. Just around the corner you listen to Azriel cry in heartbreak while you felt all of his emotion and once again felt your own heartbreak and for the first time in your life you wondered if you had made the right choice.

Once again you were back in the presence of people you once saw as family. Rhysand was standing promptly at the front of the group like you knew he would be and next to him was Freye. She looked as poised as ever. To her left was Cassian and Nesta looking less than impressed to be a part of this meeting, not that you blame them. It doesn’t take a genius to know that once the high lords left to have their private conversation shit would hit the fan. Lastly to Rhysands right was Azirel, you didn’t have to look in his direction to know that he was looking at you. So skipping over him you looked to the spot next to him expecting to see Morrigan standing next to him but she wasn’t and you couldn't help but wonder where she was at.

It had been at least two hours of Thesan and Rhysand going back and forth about whatever they deemed necessary when you felt Kolos nudge your arm with his. Slowly you looked to see what he wanted “How are you doing?” he questioned quietly while Cassian was speaking. “I’m fine, I just forgot how boring these meetings are. I wasn’t kidding when I said my job is to sit around and look pretty, I have no idea what's going on. I’m going to die of boredom.” Kolos led back the laugh he wanted to let out. He knew that you did in fact know what was going on; you just couldn’t care less about court politics. He also knew you do more than just sit around and look pretty. “Well you are doing an excellent job of pretending that you are lost and you also are doing a good job at doing your “real” job. Keep it up.”

You felt Azirels eyes bounce between you and Kolos through your whole interaction. Actually you felt his eyes on you the whole time since you quite literally magically appeared in front of him. He had watched every move you make, every subtle shift of your face. He watched everything. You could tell he was trying to be nonchalant while in your presence but he was greatly failing. Azirel may be the spymaster but to you he was always an open book from day one and it seems that some things never change. Placing your elbow on top of the table then resting your head on it you stared at the male who once had your heart. If he wanted to be out right obvious then so could you.

Finally Rhysand, Freye and Thesan went to have a private conversation and only then did Azirel come to approach you. You hadn’t even been about to stand from your seat when you felt his presence looming over you. “I need to talk to you. Alone please. Only if you allow it of course.” Azirel watched as you contemplated his words before finally you nodded and motioned for you to lead the way.

If there is one thing that Azirel is used to, it is silence. Being the spymaster and all meant that silence was a staple in his work environment, that is of course unless it called for the opposite. But the silence between the two of you was nerve wracking as he led you to an open cloister before stopping to look at you. Something was different about you but it couldn’t put his finger on it and if he was being honest with himself it scared him not knowing what it was.

Leaning against a pillar you watched as Azirel fought to pick the right word to say. You could tell that he had changed just from watching during the meeting. He was remorseful but also he finally respected not only your choices but you. Silence continued to envelope the space between the two of you while contemplative looks were shared between the two of you. Finally Azirel has the courage to clear his throat and begin speaking. “How have you been?” you know that you shouldn’t be caught off guard by his question. You were friends for hundreds of years before you were mates. “I’ve.. been…good.” if he noticed you lack of a better word, which he did, he didn’t mention it. “How about you, how have you been?” you so desperately wanted to tack on “How have you and Elain been?” on the end but you refrained. Another argument with Azirel was the last thing you wanted to do again. “I’ve been good.” again quietness fell upon the two of you as you nodded in understanding to Azirels answer.

When it became obvious that Azirel wasn’t going to say anything you did. “So what did you need to talk to me about?” this seemed to knock Azirel out of whatever trance he was in. You examine Azirel as he takes a deep breath in an attempt to still himself for whatever he was about to say because clearly it was making him nervous. “There is a never ending list of things that I need to apologize for and trust me I will but for now let me start with this. I ended everything with Elain. I made it very clear what we did will only ever be a mistake and nothing more than that. Not only does she have a mate, which in retrospect I should have accepted at face value and not go forward with a relationship with her and I know that not everyone wants to be with their mate and chose to find another partner that isn’t their mate, but Lucien is not a random person, he is a friend of not only Freye but of the night court and I should have respected him and unfortunately for him, his very unwilling mate.” Azirel took a breath giving you a chance to respond but when you didn’t he continued on. There was no way he was going to mess this up now even with your unflinching gaze upon his and lack of verbal response to his apology. It may make him want to empty the lunch he had earlier into whichever bush was closest but he would endure it to make things right with you.

For the first time since that fateful day you allowed Azriel feel your emotions through the mating bond and he did the same. Remorse, longing, heartbreak, sadness any and every emotion was overwhelming the both of you. It brought tears to your eyes just like it had pushed the tears in Azirels eyes over the dam of his lashes. “Come here” you beckoned while trying to fan the tears away. Azriel didn’t need to be told twice and before he knew it you had wrapped him in your arms and placed your head in the crook of his neck. And Azriel knew there was never going to be a more perfect feeling than you in his arms. Azriel wrapped you in his arms just like you had done with him mere moments before. For a long while there was no sound besides the random sniffle and rouge sob that would escape from each other's body. “I am so sorry.” He mumbled while pressing a kiss into the crown of your hair. Reluctantly he pulled your body away from his and what he found broke his heart even more. Tear stained cheeks that were flushed from crying and red rimmed eyes looking back at him. In that moment Azriel swore to himself that he would never be the reason you cried again.

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