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#EDIT WRONG BLOG not that it matters i just wanted to get it off my chest

timeflow · 11 months

Text

good evening reddit users, welcome to the website. not seen one of these that tells you how to make this website bearable so here goes

starting off with dashboard settings you want to turn off endless scrolling (it slows down the website after a while of scrolling), turn off shorten long posts because one of the main things about this website is the total lack of a character limit (as an alternative to this setting, you can press j to skip to the next post on the dashboard if the current one is kind of long). turning on timestamps is convenient because it allows you to check when a post was made (don't get me wrong: this website absolutely LOVES reblogging old posts, but there are times when it's worth checking if a post has very old news in it)

turn off best stuff first right away. one of the main reasons cited for joining tumblr is because "there is no algorithm". this is not entirely true, we have one but we routinely turn off anything algorithmic that staff adds. turning off best stuff first means your dashboard will be reverse chronological no matter what, and turning off based on your likes and stuff in your orbit will get rid of the rest of the algorithmically-recommended content that appears on your dashboard

following tags is nice because you will occasionally see posts with tags you follow sprinkled into your dashboard. this is considered good because it's almost always recent, I personally recommend turning on include followed tag posts and just following a bunch of random tags that you think could be interesting (characters, media, topics, whatever)

this one's a more personal thing but I would absolutely turn off any community labels because tumblr staff has recently been just putting a bunch of random posts under this despite being entirely sfw. if you ACTUALLY want to filter content, then go to filtered tags:

unlike the community labels which are put arbitrarily by staff, tags are put on by the actual users and so you can MUCH more reliably filter out content you don't want to see by putting filtered tags. this also works for any kind of content unlike the community labels, meaning you can just filter out stuff that you don't want to see (a particular character, a particular piece of media, a certain topic, anything you want really)

turn on custom theme immediately. the standard view of tumblr.com/url will give people who are not logged in a forced login wall, meanwhile url.tumblr.com will not. by doing this you also get access to your post archive at url.tumblr.com/archive, which lets you look through your posts more easily (the search function is awful). the main benefit of this, however, is that you get to have a custom look to your blog: going to edit theme brings up a menu that allows you to customize your css, add pages to your tumblr blog, etc. all very useful stuff

it's also worth taking the time to consider whether or not you leave your liked posts and list of blogs you follow public (most people have likes turned off, following is also commonly turned off but I personally don't care about others seeing who I follow)

turn off the let people blaze your posts. blaze basically allows you to pay money to show a post to a random group of people by paying money, suffices to say that allowing others to blaze your posts without your consent will inevitably lead to one of your personal posts getting blazed by some prick and now hundreds of people have seen it

asks are one of the main ways of interacting with blogs so absolutely turn them on. whether you allow anons is your choice, anonymity allows people to say nice things without feeling embarrassed about how everyone knows who said that, but it also allows people to send hateful stuff with no consequence.

submissions are like whatever. I personally leave them on but in my 5 years of having this blog I've been submitted to twice.

to close off this post I'll leave my personal thoughts on reblog etiquette:

reblogging is great. reblog the fuck out of anything. does the post amuse you slightly? reblog it. go wild

that being said please don't put anything in your reblogs unless it's like a really important comment. your comment will be immortalized forever if someone reblogs the post from you and on popular posts I have to constantly go back a couple years to get rid of an annoying comment like "LOL THIS IS SO FUNNY" because that person didn't realize that their addition was wholly unnecessary

if you DO want to add something to say your thoughts on the post in a quiet voice that doesn't get permanently added onto the original, consider talking in the tags of your reblog. this is considered nicer since when the post is reblogged from you your tags are not going to stick around. there is also this process known as "peer review" in which if your tags are sufficiently funny one of your followers (or sometimes a random person browsing the notes of the post) will screenshot/copy and paste your tags into a reblog, which is a much more natural way of having your comment added into the post

tags are also nice to use or organizational purposes. clicking on a post with a certain tag on your blog will show you every post with that tag on your blog allowing you to find posts later, alternatively you can go to url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/[insert tag here] to a similar effect.

that's all I have to say on this subject. have fun on our glorious website

edit: oh yeah also unfollow staff. it will make you look normal 👍

#reddit migration #reddit #196 #r/196 #r196 #curatedtumblr #r/curatedtumblr #think those are all the relevant ones. hi redditors btw #r/tumblr

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olderthannetfic · 3 months

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Genuine question: what's the point of writing fanfic? As in, what's the purpose? No one in the fandom I'm in comments on fics and I even got told off by one person for doing so, as it "encourages bad writers and makes them think they're good". So it seems that it's a lot like book writing, where people work hard and are creative, but instead of getting paid and getting comments on the work, you just sit there silently hoping someone will press the kudos button and make a number go up. I feel like that time and work could be better spent on making something you might get some kind of profit off of. Don't get me wrong, I love doodling fanart, but I don't post it, as I'm aware that there's no point to doing so, and while it's a nice way to fill the time on a commute, it's not something that takes me as much time and effort as fanfic does. So... why do people bother? Sometimes I describe ideas I have and people I know in my fandom will tell me I should write it, but I don't see why. I get more interaction from just saying "imagine if [thing here]" than I would by sitting down, writing for hours, editing and posting [thing here], so what would the point be? I'm not punching down or going "haha women and their fanfic lol!", I genuinely do not get what the point is and this blog feels like it might have someone reading who knows the answer.

Do you make art for profit? Genuine question.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being motivated primarily by external factors, but it's not actually why a lot of people create things, whether it's books or recipes or doodles in a notepad.

I enjoy the actual process of writing.

I think many people lose sight of that aspect in an era where tons of <500-word fics that are mostly outlines and "Imagine if..." posts get disproportionate attention for being easy to consume. But the satisfaction of doing a bigger art piece and doing it right is real and motivates a hell of a lot of creation.

I suppose you might be thinking "Okay, but why not just write it alone and never post?", but I like sharing. Showing off my finished creation is part of the joy, and sharing with other people like me is too. But those aren't quite the same thing as worrying about kudos. It's like dressing nicely when you leave the house because you feel great when you know you look good vs. needing another person to tell you you look good.

To be honest, though, this type of feeling has grown in me the better I've gotten at a craft. The closer my finished projects get to the vision in my head, the easier it is to find them fulfilling and to be excited to share them. When I fall short of my own ambitions, it's discouraging no matter how much attention I might get from others.

I feel like it's time for my regular reblog of Adam Westbrook's video essay series The Long Game.

vimeo

youtube

The third and least known in the series is all about this idea of who you're making art for if you're not getting material rewards in the short term. It talks a lot about autotelicity—being internally driven instead of externally.

But if you really just want clicks, anon, start a blog that accepts anon asks and posts about wanky stuff. Actually tag things, unlike me, so people can find you.

No, writing for attention isn't worth it.

The time investment is too great and your brain will always fixate on the times people didn't respond instead of the times they did.

But that's not actually why most people write.

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lilmashae · 2 months

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I remember your poll from a while back with tutor!eunseok and was wondering if you could PLEASE please please elaborate on it??? BTW I like your blog a lott💗!!! Can i be 🦑 anon if you have them?

i'd be happy to elaborate :) and yes you can my love hi !

also i'm still not a fan of commas at the moment so i'll proofread and edit later !

tutor eunseok is so strict but it's only because he loves his pretty girl so much — no matter how much of a brat you are.

you piss him off all of the time: with your cute little miniskirts and constant teasing. he does his best to ignore you even if it's difficult for him — but when he reaches his limit it usually results in him fucking you senseless... whenever and wherever you are doesn't matter. eunseok'll find a way to get you behaving:

he's good for that. if he has to fuck you in the library bathroom to get you comprehending what he's saying... he will. "fuck! wait what if someone hears us? we're in public 'seokie!" he'd scoff before bending you over the restroom sink. "you didn't care about that earlier when you were trailing your hand up my thigh or when you were trying to slick touch my dick did you?" he landed a hard slap on your ass pulling your skirt up. "you haven't learned anything have you pretty girl? can you tell me what we were reading?" no you couldn't — you knew and so did he. you gulped. "i... we were reading..." you felt another firm slap land on the soft plush of your ass. "you can't."

needless to say he fucked it into you — that and his cum by yanking your panties to the side. he slid his fat cockhead into the tight warmth of your sopping cunt. "shit... 'got to fuck you stupid just so you can focus? 'so tight... ah... r-remember to... fuck! listen when i'm t-talking yeah?" you feverishly nodded your brain felt foggy feeling his girth stretch you out — his tip repeatedly kissing your g-spot buried in your gummy walls.

he's extremely efficient... his teaching methods are beyond effective and show incredible results — even if the method is lying on your back and making you recite your notes while he relentlessly thrusts into you. your tutor's very flexible — versatile... so of course these methods range from pinching your nipples whenever you get a question wrong to burying his thick fingers deep inside of your cunt as he reads off your essay and makes the necessary corrections:

"it's like you aren't even listening to me..."

"this is wrong... shit... how can you be wet right now — your grammar's awful y/n."

but he's not so mean... when you're good — he'll reward you by sweetly kissing your lips. he'll be even more proud when his pretty girl brings home full point assignments.

"look! 'seokie do you see it?" you're ecstatic. it's the first time you've gotten every single problem correct. "i'm so proud of you baby!" his arms snake around your waist and pull you into a tight embrace. "eunseok? thanks for helping me..." admittedly he was surprised hearing you express your gratitude. eunseok peeled you off of him pulling your face out of his chest. "aw look at you pretty girl... getting high marks and using your manners? you deserve a reward don't you — for being such a good girl?" you nodded eagerly.

but even wen eunseok's nice... he's still an absolute menace.

he could see how eager you were — desperate to be rewarded. "should i..." he lazily strung his words dragging them slowly on and on. "should i eat you out? or..." agonizingly slow... "or should i finger your cute little cunt until you're a squirming mess? maybe... i could just split you open on my cock? what do you think baby?" your cunt was already throbbing at the thought. you were desperate for whatever he wanted to give you. "how about all of it? hm? does my pretty girl want me to fuck her til she's overstimulated and stupid?" there was a sly grin forming on his face — he knew that's exactly what you wanted.

guidelines and disclaimers | i like this a lot. i might write up a part two or a full fic !?

#lil-ma-shae #riize smut #riize x reader #riize eunseok smut #song eunseok smut #eunseok smut #eunseok x reader #sharia : 🦑 anon!#⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ lilmashae — proofread later !

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brf-rumortrackinganon · 1 month

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Hello RTA! Could you explain what the red flags about Harry being a security risk are?

I don't have any sort of training in this, and I'm curious. How would the idiot party playboy Prince who is an avowed drug addict and a fantasist be considered as a source of reliable intelligence about his family? - this guy thinks there are penguins in the North Pole.

I'm more inclined to believe that the recent conspiracies over Catherine may have been encouraged by those who want to destabilize UK democracy - taking down William and Catherine would certainly cause some upheaval. But as I said, I have no training and this is just speculation. What do you think?

Well, you can't discount anything these days. The world changed a lot with COVID so there's a lot of upheaval everywhere.

To me, the attempted takedown of William and Kate reads a lot like bored people stirring shit up about boring people for entertainment. Because let's face it: compared to a lot of other worldwide famous people, William and Kate are probably two of the most boring and uninteresting people out there. They have complicated jobs but lead uncomplicated lives, which isn't the norm these days. Social media and the 24/7 news cycle has made us realize that most famous people are hiding complicated, messy lives and it's only a matter of time before it comes out. So when someone like Kate comes along - someone extraordinarily likeable and extraordinarily uncomplicated - it's so unthinkable that denizens of social media will do everything they can to break that person down to discover the skeletons in their closet. They do this to either a-tear them down off the pedestal society has placed them upon (e.g., "see? I always knew she was a bad person. I'm glad I didn't waste my time supporting him/her"), or b-feel better about themselves (e.g., "see? Even I know not to do that).

That's what I see happening to Kate. People can't handle that she's so ordinary and uncomplicated despite having this incredible life. They're accustomed to scandal and controversy and it's so bizarre to them that Kate's only mistake is that her skirt blew up at a windy airport and everyone saw her bum twice so when the photo edits were discovered, there was a wicked "see? I always knew she wasn't a very trustworthy person. What else has she lied about" gleefulness that perhaps she isn't so unlikeable after all.

But certainly bad actors or adversaries who want to shake things up are probably participating in the discourse about Kate. I don't think they want to shake up or destabilize UK democracy (and besides, even if they did, this is totally the wrong avenue - they need to disrupt the economy instead because all they've done is expose that Kate is happy staying at home with her family and not working so she really couldn't give a shit about the monarchy). I think it's more like they want to weaken her influence over culture, society, and the public...but the problem with that is who do they replace her with? The only options are Meghan, Charles, and Camilla, but they just don't galvanize public sentiment the way Kate (and her children) has.

Anyway, well, that's a tangent.

Let's get into the red flags and the security piece of your question. I submitted a couple of anons to another blog about this very topic a long time ago. I'll see if I can track that down later.

So some vocabulary first:

Insider threat: Someone with authorized access to or knowledge of an organization and its resources (which is everything from people to buildings/facilities to information to equipment and infrastructure).

Protected information: Information that you need authorized access to, which may or may not be classified and/or restricted.

Bad actor: Someone (a person, a group, a country) who purposefully engages in harmful behavior against another (person, group, country, region, etc.)

Adversary: An enemy

Bad actors and adversaries are often used interchangeably but this isn't correct. They're distinctly separate. A bad actor isn't always an adversary.

Harmful behavior is a huge wide range of things from the unethical and immoral to criminal and illegal. On one side of the spectrum is stuff that's pretty innocuous, like not telling a colleague a meeting was moved so you can take exclusive credit for work. On the other side of the spectrum is more serious stuff like espionage and terrorism.

When we consider whether someone is a security risk, we're looking at a) their predisposition to engage in harmful behavior and b) their predisposition to be exploited by a bad actor or an adversary. To do that we assess what indicators or stressors (aka "red flags") they have. The more indicators your profile flags, the higher your potential security risk. The higher your potential security risk, the more scrutiny you're under.

And do note that having indiciators doesn't mean you're a threat. It just means you're watched a little more closely so your patterns are better understood and once your patterns/habits are known, then someone can decide what your actual security risk is. But just as equally, not having indicators doesn't mean you're not a risk or that you aren't a threat. So it's a negotiable spectrum that changes constantly from day to day.

There are six categories of indicators: personal, background/history, behavior, technical, environment, and violence.

I'm going to list examples of them all. I'll put a 🚩 next to the ones I see in Harry and a ❌ next to the ones I see in Meghan.

Personal Indicators - Items that reflect on events currently impacting the person. There are two subtypes: personal and professional/work-related.

Serious physical, emotional, or mental health concerns 🚩 ❌

Financial need 🚩 ❌

Address change/move 🚩 ❌

Death in the family or a close friend 🚩

Addiction - Drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc. 🚩 ❌

Criticism from partners, friends, work 🚩 ❌

Interpersonal relationship issues (e.g. a break-up, divorce)

Unmet expectations relating to role, responsibility, recognition, or compensation 🚩 ❌

Legal problems (e.g. bankruptcy, traffic tickets, lawsuits)

Demotion or failure to achieve anticipated advancement at work 🚩 ❌

Loss of seniority or status at work 🚩 ❌

Conflicts with coworkers/bosses, including complaints/criticism and bad performance reviews 🚩 ❌

Transfers/relocation

Termination, including end of contract 🚩 ❌

Background Indicators - Events that happen before an individual is hired or prior to gaining access. Not things that are easily known, typically pop up in a background check.

Involvement with individuals or groups opposing core beliefs or values of the organization

Engagement in activities representing a conflict of interest with the organization ❌

Addiction 🚩 ❌

Short-term employments

History of emotional or mental health concerns 🚩 ❌

Spending exceeds income 🚩 ❌

Criminal record

Concerning business relationships 🚩 ❌

Social or professional network concerns 🚩 ❌

Behavioral Indicators - Events reflecting patterns of activities based on how the individual interacts with others, including technology.

Unwillingness to comply with established rules, procedures, or organizational policies 🚩 ❌

Observable resentment with plans of retribution 🚩 ❌

Excessive or unexplained use of data copy equipment

Making unapproved contacts with competitors or business partners 🚩 ❌

Discussions of new opportunities or of resigning from current position 🚩 ❌

Excessive overtime work or working odd or late hours without reason or authorization

Bringing personal equipment into high security areas 🚩 ❌

Carelessness or impulsiveness 🚩 ❌

Inappropriate statements, jokes, or bragging 🚩

Poor social interaction or social withdrawal 🚩

Disgruntlement towards peers due to perceived injustice 🚩 ❌

Increasingly erratic, unsafe, or aggressive behaviors 🚩❌

Repeated breaches of rules, procedures, or organizational policies 🚩 ❌

Litigiousness 🚩❌

Exploitable behavior (including gambling, sexual misconduct, substance abuse, etc.) 🚩 ❌

Excessive volunteering that elevates access to sensitive systems, networks, facilities, people, or data 🚩

Financial difficulties or unexplained financial gains 🚩 ❌

Taking multiple, short unexplained trips outside the US

Efforts to conceal foreign travel and contacts

Technical Indicators - Those that require IT systems and tools to detect.

Direct correspondence with competitors ❌🚩

Email messages with abornomally large attachments or amounts of data

DNS queries associated with Dark Web activities

Use of activity masking tools (e.g. VPN or TOR)

Executing offensive tools

Executing malware

Connecting unauthorized devices to networks

Downloading or installing prohibited software

Unexpected activity otuside of normal working hours

Attempts to bypass or disable security controls

Unauthorized attempts to escalate permissions or privileges without need to know 🚩❌

Attempting to print or copy protected or restricted documents (including photographs)

Abnormally large number of software or operating system errors

Attaching an unidentified device to a workstation

Maintaining access to sensitive data after termination notice

Different users attempting to log in from the same device or workstation

Lack of log messages or monitoring data

Unauthorized modification of centrally stored files

Copying large numbers of documents to a local drive

Authentication failures or failed login attempts

Unauthorized database content changes

Irresponsible social media habits ❌

Attempts to access resources not associated with the individual's role

User accounts used from multiple devices

Multiple accounts identified for a single user ❌

Triggering of key words or phrases in emails, text messages, or phone calls

Lack of controls to prevent unauthorized modification of critical data

Use of excessive access privilege

Compromised passwords

Failure to protect critical files

Violation of need-to-know policies

Unauthorized data download

Organizational/Environmental Indicators - Factors within an individual's organization or environment that can be used to create motivation or justification

High stress environment 🚩 ❌

Lack of candor or transparency 🚩 ❌

Tolerance of poor performance

Toxic leadership 🚩 ❌

Inconsistent enforcement of policy 🚩 ❌

Inaction following notification of grievance, threat, or increased risk 🚩 ❌

Overly aggressive reaction following notification of threat 🚩 ❌

Inappropriate disciplinary action

Bureaucratic compartmentalization of information

Lack of understanding or awareness regarding threat risk 🚩 ❌

Pattern of ovework

Lack of appreciation for employees/members 🚩 ❌

Hightened financial uncertainty 🚩 ❌

Apparent indifference to complaints of harrassment or discrimination 🚩 ❌

Undertrained staff

Violence Indicators - Specific behaviors or collections of behaviors to instill fear or concern of physical harm to others. Three subtypes - violence, domestic abuse, and terrorism, bias, hate crimes.

Intimidation 🚩 ❌

Stalking

Emotional abuse 🚩 ❌

Domestic violence

Expressions of hatred or prejudice 🚩

Harassment or bullying 🚩 ❌

Excessive use of alcohol or drugs 🚩 ❌

Unexplained absenteeism

Change in behavior 🚩

Statements indicating desperation or suicidal thoughts 🚩 ❌

Resistance to change, persistent complaining about unfair treatment 🚩 ❌

Decline in job performance

Paranoia 🚩

Violation of company policies 🚩 ❌

Emotional responses to criticism (e.g., mood swings) 🚩

Threats of homicide/suicide

Personality changes 🚩

Constantly checking in with partners

Never having money

Overly worried about pleasing partners

Uncharacteristic absenteeism or lateness

Poor concentration

Signs of emotional distress 🚩

Expressing bias or hatred towards a race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender, or disability 🚩

Browsing extremist websites

Expressing hatered or intolerance of US society or culture

Advocating violence for a political, religious, or ideological cause

Monitoring or recording security equipment, movement, or responses

Engaging in deception or concealment. 🚩 ❌

So as you can see, Harry (and Meghan) have red flags all over the place. That makes them a legitimate security risk for the UK and the BRF. All a bad actor or an adversary has to do is flatter their egos and give them money, and the Sussexes will roll over. It's happened so many times already - with Spare, with the Netflix docuseries, with Meghan's interviews and her podcast. And let's not forget Finding Freedom, where Meghan and Scobie literally printed directions on how to find the royal vaults!

And because it's very obvious Charles wants Harry back - Harry keeps coming back for events and there's all these trial balloons from BP/CH and Montecito - it would be very easy for someone to gain control of Harry and hold him hostage against Charles and the BRF. All someone has to do is say "Harry, you've been selected to receive the inaugural Princess Diana Humanitarian Award for Superior Excellence. It comes with a $4 million USD cash prize but you have to come to Bosnia and do a landmine event to claim it." Then Harry goes to Bosnia, they get him drunker than sin and higher than God, he passes out wherever, and they Weekend-at-Bernie's him to Russia, where he's held in the gulag, escalating their blackmail demands until Charles is broker than a busted doorknob.

Farfetched? Sure. But still possible, which means it's a valid risk they need to consider.

And when we assess risk, we look at the probability of such an event happening and the consequence of the event happening on a scale from 1 to 5 where a 1 in probability means not likely to happen or a 1 in consequence is little to no damage or impact and a 5 in probability means most certainly going to happen and a 5 in consequence means significant damage/destruction, including significant loss of life or millions and millions of dollars to fix/repair/rebuild.

So the probability of Harry getting kidnapped and held hostage in Russia is 1. It's pretty low, not likely going to happen. But the impact, or consequence, of Harry getting kidnapped and held hostage in Russia is a 5. Meaning there will be a loss of life (such as war or perhaps a CIA-like exfiltration that goes wrong or perhaps Harry getting sacrificed) or a LOT of money being paid to guarantee his safety.

But Harry doesn't even have to get kidnapped by the Russians. He just has to be so disgruntled and so pissed off about how the BRF and the UK treats him that he can leverage what he knows against Charles or William to get what he wants. Which is, by the way, exactly what's happening. Harry is so pissed off that he's devolved to ultimatums: "Give me X or you won't see my children." "Give me X or I'll tell everyone about the time you Y." Which, depending on who your neighborhood tarot reader is, is what people are saying is happening in the background: Harry is using his insider knowledge and/or access to cause harm to Charles and the monarchy to gain advantage over William or the public.

That's why Harry's still on the website. That's why he still has the titles. That's why the US is dragging its feet on the visa lawsuit. Because whether he (or we) realize it or not, there's protection around Harry that's working to keep him safe from extremist threats like this because to threaten - or activate - Harry is more dangerous to UK stability and UK democracy than social media activists declaring that the Waleses are divorcing.

Well, that took a wild ride.

Anyway, I hope it's helpful, anon. If you'd like to learn more about this kind of stuff, check out some of the free DOD-supported online training courses here. These are pretty similar to the annual training requirements I have to do for work so they should give you a good background on red flags and insider threats to help better see the threats and risks that Harry poses to the UK.

Also, just a real quick thing. Risk and threat don't always mean the same thing. Risk measures potential loss. Threat measures potential harm. Sometimes they're used to mean risk = potential and threat = actualized but not in the security world.

#ask #in this essay i will #you might've seen my ramblings on this in other blogs as “national security anon”

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jasntodds · 10 months

Text

Petrichor [4]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 20,748

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, smut (wrap it before ya tap it!), a little bit of angst, mentions of scars, blood, bruises, reader gets a suit but the fit of it isn’t described just the colors (yes, it’s like Steph’s suit because it’s my favorite of the bats)

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: So, I combined chapters 4 and 5 and this was over 25k words. Google Docs was lagging so hard I couldn’t finish editing on mobile. It was an ordeal lmao I’m so sorry. I hope you guys like it!! If you want context from book 1, let me know and I’ll tell you!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next week, you and Jason continue your new dynamic. It’s fun for the both of you and it feels safe. Neither of you feel too much pressure with each other and you’re both really happy. It always starts with your game and then one of you makes the move. That’s usually who wins and it’s fun.

Now, you’re sitting in the kitchen on one of the laptops reading through a Reddit thread about the Titans. Steam is practically coming out of you ears as Jason walks in.

“You good?” Jason chuckles, seeing you look like you want to chuck the laptop out a window.

“Look at this!” You yell, pointing at the laptop screen that shows a Reddit that’s discussing the vigilante names of the Titans.

“What the fuck am I looking at?” Jason chuckles, his hand resting on the back of your chair and the other hand on the counter as he leans in.

“Acid Fingers!” You fume, pointing dramatically at the screen.

Jason bursts into a fit of laughter. “That you?” He glances at you and he knows this is going to be fun.

“I guess!” You yell, your hands flying above your head.

Jason shakes his head, looking through more of the names and they just keep more ridiculous. He’s taking a mental note of every name to call you the next time you make fun of him being Robin.

“Melty Hands?” Jason continues to chuckle, this is ridiculous.

“Glow girl!” You get more dramatic. “Who the fuck is Freddy Freeman and how can I kill him?!”

Jason looks at you and you’re so mad but he swears you’re endearing. “I think it’s great.” Jason lets his laugh subside.

You snap your neck at him, eyes wide, steam nearly coming out of your ears. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK IT’S GREAT?!?!?! YOU GOT BEASTBOY, SUPERBOY, NIGHTWING, STARFIRE, AND FUCKING ACID FINGERS?!?!?!?!!? WHAT THE FUCK.”

He thinks it’s funny how annoyed you are by it. It’s not even a big deal given you’re not actually a Titan at this current point in time and he has a vivid memory of you saying you don’t even like vigilante names from last week. And the only thing he wants to do is kiss the scowl off your face.

“Acid Fingers is a great one.” Jason tilts his head back, unable to control his laughing.

“I’m gonna hunt this little shit down. Acid Fingers.” You let out a scoff.

“I like it.” Jason says through a laugh. “I’m calling you that, now.”

“Don't you fucking dare, Jason Todd!”

Jason’s voice drops, his face coming closer to yours as he goes to taunt you. “What are you gonna do about it, Acid Fingers?”

You look back at him and the annoyance of the whole thing almost melts away because he looks at you like that, eyes darting to your lips and soft and nothing else even matters. But then he would win.

“You’re named after a fucking bird. And you don’t even look like a robin! You look more like a parrot.”

Jason’s brows furrow but he keeps his stance close to you. “A parrot?” Jason chortles.

“Red, green, black, yellow. Parrot. Robins are not that colorful.” You snark and Jason can see you trying desperately not to let a smirk come to your lips.

“Still better than, acid fingers. Could have called you Sulfar, Nitric, Bombardier, Scorpian!” Jason says enthusiastically. “Cobra could work, I guess, but that doesn’t fit, I don’t think.” He nods his head just once, his brows are just slightly knitted together.

You blink at him. “I’m actually gonna kill you.” Your words are softer this time, holding no venom with the hollow threat.

“You can try, Acid Fingers.”

“Jason Todd, so fucking help me.” You let out a groan and you knows he will never let this go.

“What’re you gonna do about it, babe?”

“You’re such a brat.” You state softly.

Jason’s laugh bellows through the kitchen as he leans up with the laugh. Bruce peaks in to see what the yelling is about but he just sees Jason laughing hysterically, happier than Bruce has ever seen him before. You look like you’re about to actually commit mass murder but Bruce catches the hint of smile on your face as you watch Jason laugh. Bruce smiles to himself before walking off and leaving the two of you to yourselves.

“I’m gonna tell this little shit--” You start, turning back to the laptop.

“Okay,” Jason cuts you off, yanking your laptop away from you and closing it. “He’s probably like twelve.” Jason laughs. “And you don’t even like the name thing so, Acid Fingers, get a grip.”

“It’s so stupid.” You whine before it turns into a laugh. “It’s so dumb!”

“Hey, I’m a bird and Dick still fucking chose Nightwing, kept the bird thing going. All of the bat stuff is called bat-something.” Jason chortles and he’s got a devious smirk.

“It’s all so dumb.” You get tears from laughing.

“I think Dick actually named most of the stuff. He named the batcomputer.” Jason explains.

“OH, but I call you guys Batsons and I don’t even get a laugh.” You roll your eyes.

“You called us Batsons?”

“Yeah! Are you not the sons of Batman?”

“I guess.” Jason mocks you.

“Shut the fuck up, Jaybird.” You groan, tilting your head back.

Jason can’t stop the laugh that escapes his mouth with the nickname. “Better than shithead, brat, and Acid Fingers.” Jason gives you a wild grin and all you can do is groan. “Come on, get up.” Jason offers you his free hand while you reach for the laptop. “No, enough internet for you today, fucking nerd. I want you to meet someone today.”

“You have friends?” You quip and Jason’s jaw drops as he narrows his eyes at you. “And don’t say me or Gar.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jason laughs. “I have more friends than you do!” You go to open your mouth but Jason goes first. “Don’t say me or Gar.”

“Don’t say me or Gar.” You mutter under your breath, mocking him. “Okay, Krypto.”

“Krypto is a dog, he doesn’t fucking count!” Jason’s eyes widen and that’s something he really likes about you. Considering Krypto as a friend.

“I’m telling him you said that. You’re gonna hurt his feelings, you’re a monster!” You yell dramatically, placing your hand over your heart.

“You're so dramatic!” Jason doesn’t remember a time he laughed this much with anyone.

“You wear a cape and put black eye shadow around your entire eye socket.” You deadpan, blinking at him.

“You were a cape and put black eye shadow around your entire eye socket.” Jason makes a face, mocking you as he mutters under his breath. You let out a laugh and you adore him. “Come on, Acid Fingers.”

“See, dramatic.” You point a finger at him, a cocky smile on your lips.

There are bubbles exploding through his veins as you look at him with big eyes and that smile that could set the world on fire. He doesn’t know what that feeling is but he wants to chase it as fast and as long as he can.

“Come on, seriously. I think you’ll like her.”

“Her?” You raise a brow at him and you hate the way you find your stomach twist at the thought. You’re his friend, too and look where you are right now.

“Jealous?” Jason quips and maybe he's hoping you will be.

You almost say yes but if you’re both just messing around, that’s not very fair. But, he’s taunting you again and he always does that. You spend nearly all your time together so you take another route.

“Should I be?” You quip with confidence and you’re so sure that he’s yours even if your stomach fills with the warmth of green at the mention of a friend that’s a girl.

Jason shrugs because it’s the easiest answer in the world. “Nope.”

“Fine.” You take his hand in yours, getting to your feet. “Where we going?”

“For coffee in the city. Trust me, I think you’ll like her and you need more friends.”

“Aw, but this is so fun.” You scrunch your nose. “I’m kind of an asshole.”

“Have you met me?” Jason gestures to himself with the arm holding the laptop. “She won’t care. If she can tolerate my shit, she can tolerate yours.” Jason rests the laptop on the counter, you going to grab it but Jason yanks you back, pulling you against him. “Seriously?”

“No.” You shake your head, getting a grin before sliding your free hand up to his neck. “Knew you’d do that.” You pull him into you and kiss him deeply. You can feel Jason relax under your touch as you nip at his bottom, Jason groaning against you. When you pull away, his smile is soft and you’ve got that grin that makes Jason’s head spin. “See, I can plan ahead.”

“Alright.” Jason’s voice is breathless as he recovers. “Fuck off.”

“Taking the bike?”

“Always.” Jason chuckles. “Come on.” Jason pulls you along with him, his hand tangled with yours. “We’ll be back.” Jason peaks into the living room, giving Bruce a nod.

“Bye, Bruce!” You smile softly at him.

“Be careful,” Bruce states as the two of you head off.

"Okay, trust me, I think you'll like her." Jason beams, hands in the pockets of his pants as you walk the short distance to the door of a local coffee shop.

He's been friends with Molly for almost two years. Similar to you, Molly doesn't really take his shit but she lets him do his thing, she lets him be. She doesn't know everything but she's always been a good friend to him. Molly was the first person Jason even really considered a close friend. And introducing you to Molly, sure, is so you can have another friend because he believes wholeheartedly you'll get along. But, it's also another introduction to things that are his. Into his world. He doesn't have many friends, but he has Molly.

"Dunno, last girl I tried to be friends with, I punched her in the face." You chortle, watching as Jason grabs the handle of the door.

"Aren't you two good now?" He shakes his head in confusion,

"Yeah," You laugh and you can feel the nerves trickling into your throat. Meeting new people isn't always the most comfortable thing in the world. "I'm just saying though, that happened."

"Well, don't punch this one in the face, alright? She's cool, I swear." Jason assures you. "She also doesn't know about the whole Robin and Batman and Titans shit so don't say shit about that." Jason warns quietly, whispering in your ear before he opens the door.

"Yeah, figured that." You nod softly.

Jason holds the door open for you as you walk inside and he follows right behind you. You look around the coffee shop as Jason joins you at your side and then your eyes land on someone familiar sitting at a table alone near the windows. Your eyes widen as your stomach drops because it's Gotham sure but Gotham is a big enough city. Hell, you and Jason did have some overlap being homeless and you never crossed paths. But, this still seems so bizarre and you find it hard to believe.

The girl looks up from her phone, spotting Jason first and offers him a wide smile. But, then her eyes land on you beside him and her eyes go wide, the smile falling. Jason glances between the two of you, growing more confused by the second.

"Molly?" You nearly yell as you ignore Jason beside you.

“Y/n?” Molly gets up and starts the walk over to the both of you.

You meet Molly in the middle, your steps slow and you can't believe it's Molly. Your heart thunders in your ears as your eyes start to water. Molly pulls you into a hug as you meet in the middle and it's a piece home back in place for you. A part of you thought, maybe, you’d never see her again. Maybe you'd make the effort to never be seen again because that would easier than explaining everything but Molly hugs you and that would have been a bad decision.

"You know each other?" Jason questions as the two of you pull away.

"You know Jason?!" You and Molly question at the same time, looking to the boy who looks more confused than he has ever looked in his life.

"You first." You say.

"One of the shelters. My mom died not long after you took off. How about you?" Molly asks as she glances between the two of you, silently putting a few pieces together.

"Uhhh..." You look to Jason, realizing that explaining your story to someone you actually know makes the whole lying thing a little more difficult. Molly knows your tells. "It's a long story but San Francisco. He got Bruce to let me stay with them."

"Well, okay." Molly laughs, her eyes landing on you. "I've missed you." Molly's eyes grow teary.

You nod, the feeling in your chest growing heavy. "Me too. I'm....I'm so sorry about your mom. I-I should--"

"No, no, it's okay. You were processing yourself, it's okay. I tried to find you."

The guilt comes back, gnawing at your bones because you actively chose to be alone. It was your decision and you never had to leave Molly. Maybe had you just stuck it out, maybe you could have stayed. Her mom was like a second mom and maybe you and Molly could have worked something out. Then Molly wouldn't have been alone. You should have known. Social media is a thing.

"And you found Jason instead." You glance to him. "I am so sorry." You laugh.

"Fuck you." Jason groans but it turns into more of a laugh. "So, this is the friend you talked about in San Francisco?" Jason asks.

"Yeah." You nod.

"And she’s the friend that ran away?" Jason pieces everything together and he doesn't know how he didn't figure that out.

"Are you surprised?" Molly quips, looking back at you.

Jason lets out a laugh but his attention is only on you. "No, she does run."

"So do you." Your eyes widen as you snap your attention to Jason.

"Well, I got us a table." Molly gestures back to her spot.

The three of you make your way to Molly's table. Jason and you sit side by side while Molly sits across from you. It does not go unnoticed the way Jason pulled out your chair and the way you watched him until he sat down, almost subconsciously.

Molly raises a brow at the two of you. "Are you two...like?"

Both of you look like deer in headlights with the question. That question was a lot easier to answer a week ago but today it feels a little more complicated. Despite your agreement to keep this whole friends with benefits thing between the two of you, you both do not want to say no. But, you aren't together and you are friends so saying anything other than no, would be a lie.

"No." Jason lets out a breath, and he hates the bitter taste of the word. "She's just using me for a roof." Jason finds himself able to quip and he intentionally keeps his attention on Molly.

It stings, just a little but not because it's not true. But because you want to explain what you are to Molly. You want to brag about him.

"You literally offered. I was gonna just live on the streets." You quip back, holding your head high.

"Well, I wasn't gonna let you." Jason scoffs.

"No, we're friends. I just like to fuck with him." You look back to Molly and Molly swears there's something there. But, she brushes it off because she hasn't seen you in a long time and maybe that's all it is.

"Oh, so that hasn't changed." Molly laughs softly.

Molly and you get talking, catching up. You mostly ask about Molly to avoid talking about yourself. But, Molly has always been the mom friend. The caretaker of the two of you. You’ve never been one to want to talk about yourself, but you’re quieter than normal. You were living in San Francisco. There's a story there and you seem happy yet you aren't saying much. Maybe you’ve changed more than Molly thinks you have but it seems weird.

"Okay, that's enough about me. Tell me about you." Molly takes a sip of her coffee and you nearly stiffen in your seat. "What happened?"

Your voice sticks in the back of your throat and Jason actively sees your eyes go distant. Talking about the stuff with him is easy, he didn't know you before. There's no worry of disappointing him. None of this was your fault, but a part of you thinks telling Molly, will make Molly disappointed. Gar reminded you of Molly. Too kind for the world. Gives that look when something bad happens that you hate so much. And you tug down the sleeves of your hoodie. Jason rests a hand on your knee under the table, you looking back at him as if it snaps you out of your haunting thoughts. He offers you a grin and then a subtle shrug.

"Uh..." You shake your head. "I was, uh, I-I was living with this guy, foster care, and he moved us to San Francisco." You nod your head, trying to find a way to lie. "Uh, he was kind of down and out. He had something wrong with him." You roll your eyes, knowing that's an easy way to put it and then you come up with the lie. "He wasn't in any place to, uh, to care for anyone. I guess, so he called this guy he knew which was Dick and that's how I ended up meeting Jason. Dick already took him in so, ya know, that's kind of it, I guess."

Molly nods her head and she always knows when you’re lying. You have a bad poker face. And Jason can see Molly wanting to ask more questions, so he interjects, squeezing your knee before placing his hand on the table.

"Yeah, Dick wasn't so bad. If foster parents or shit got overwhelmed or financial shit came up, he'd offer a place. Wasn't all bad." Jason shakes his head and you swear he's the best person you’ve ever met. He's also a better liar.

Molly's brows furrow and she can't tell when Jason lies. He's better at it. "So, Bruce sent you to live with him and then you happened to get sent there, too?"

"Yeah, Dick was adopted by Bruce." Jason states. "So, kind of fit. Dick picked her up like a month later."

"Yeah, he just brought me back and Jason has been up my ass ever since." You send him a smirk before offering him a thankful nod and a nudge with your knee.

"He get you into trouble, too?" Molly asks, a teasing smile coming to her face.

"I didn't get you into that much trouble." Jason defends with a laugh.

"How many times were we chased by the cops?" Molly quips.

"Oh, there's a story there, share." You beam.

"He was teaching me how to get the hubcaps off cars." Molly's eyes widen slightly as if to be taunting Jason.

"Fucking hubcaps." You grit your teeth as you let out a sigh.

Jason lets out a booming laugh. "And she didn't get fucking caught, did you, Molly?"

"You got caught robbing cars?" Molly asks.

"Look, I tripped and the pavement was wet, okay? It's the city's fault!" You laugh.

"The city's fault," Molly repeats with the shake of her head.

"And hey, she got me into trouble." Jason lets out a huff and you glare at him. "You told me to turn Dick blue! Or that time we were eavesdropping but I was doing it to make fun of you and Rachel was giving me a death glare for fucking two days when she caught us. That time you got me to try and sneak out after Dick enforced a curfew just so we could go to a midnight premiere of a movie!" Jason shrugs his arm over the back of his chair as he faces you.

You beam as you laugh because getting him in trouble with Dick is one of your favorite pastimes. He makes it so easy. "Okay and what about the Nerf war you started and Dick nailed all of us later that night? Or that time you said it would be funny to change all of the passcodes to fucking 42069 or when it was your idea to bookmark the weirdest out-of-context shit we could think of on all the shared electronics? And turning Dick blue, was technically your idea, I just told you to do it."

"What...what did you bookmark?" Molly asks hesitantly.

Jason gains a smirk, snickering it himself. "Use your imagination."

"It was not porn." You assure her. "We just wanted Dick to have some serious questions and boy did he."

"See, it was fun." Jason defends his stance.

"You ever do that to Bruce?" You questions.

"Oh, I did bookmark porn." Jason cackles while Molly groans and you let out a scoff.

"Of course you did." Molly nods her head.

The conversation continues, Jason and you bouncing back and forth with stories, almost all of them about harassing Dick. But you both tell stories about Gar and Rachel, too. Movie nights and video games. Molly is attentive and the entire time, she grows more confused about your dynamic. Molly's known Jason long enough now and she deems them fairly close but she's never seen him like this before. Not with anyone. And Molly remembers how you were and this is new, too. She isn't going to badger either of you but she definitely takes notice in how Jason's hand keeps dodging under the table every so often and you look at him every single time.

"Here." Molly hands over her phone over to you. "Put in your number."

You take the phone with gentle hands, typing away and then Molly gets a glimpse at the fading ligature scars as your sleeves fall down. Molly looks directly at Jason and he just shakes his head quickly, silently pleading with her not to bring it up. You're having a good time. If Molly brings it up, Jason knows you will shut down as you fumble for another lie. He doesn't want this exchange to go that way. You're long-lost friends and you will tell her in your own time but now is clearly not when you want to discuss any of it. And Molly accepts the plea.

"Here.” You smile softly, handing the phone back to Molly.

"I’ll text you." Molly nods softly and she swallows her questions.

"Well, we should probably head out. Bruce has a thing for us later." Jason clears his throat, standing from his seat.

You look at your phone and know it's because Jason will want to get a sparring session in before he goes on patrol. "Forgot about that." You stand with Jason while Molly follows suit.

The two of you hug quickly, saying your goodbyes before Jason and you head for the door.

He didn't know Molly was your friend. You went through your social media and archived those posts before Jason followed you. It was easier that way, you told yourself. It's why you also soft-blocked her because while you wanted to reach out, the idea of doing so and her knowing you were alive somewhere was terrifying. You were terrified she'd be mad, never forgive you for it. That's not Molly but it was scary anyway. So, Jason didn't know. But, you find yourself eternally grateful anyway. And you think he's the only one who would have noticed your apprehension about talking.

Jason and you get to the bike. Jason gets on first while you stand off to the side. Jason is ready to go but you’re still watching him, your helmet on your hip. You’re looking at him and sometimes, you give him this stare where Jason thinks you might be able to see through him. Like, maybe you can see every thought that passes through his head. It almost makes him want to push. Just almost because he can never decipher exactly what the look means.

"What? Not getting on?" Jason asks, securing his helmet on his head.

"Thank you." You let out a breath. "You didn't have to cover for me."

Jason shrugs his shoulders and he knows the look isn't one of thanks because you don't get it every time he does something for you. That's not it either. "'Know you don't like talking about that shit. And you clearly didn't want to."

He wishes he had someone that would cover for him because sometimes, giving the same damn spiel about his mom and dad and uncle just gets a little tiring. That's why he always handles it nonchalantly. Not having to air out dirty laundry and baggage is a privilege and Jason thinks you should have that privilege, even if it's just for today.

"Yeah, but thanks. I don't think anyone would have been as quick as you were about it."

Jason nods his head. "Hey, look, I'm just glad you got your friend back." He'll always cover for you if you want him to.

"Yeah, now I have you, Gar, Molly, and Krypto." Your smile is so bright Jason thinks it could light up all of Gotham.

"He's still a dog." Jason quips back.

"He's still the bestest boy out of all of you." You hold your head up high, popping your helmet on your head.

"If you fucking call me the bestest boy, I will stop fucking talking to you."

"Awwww, you seem the type to have a praise kink though." You quip, getting on the back as Jason lets out a scoff, his words nearly lodging in his throat.

"Not according to my notes from last night." Jason chuckles. "That'd be you." He turns his head to look back at you and he's thankful for the helmet hiding the burning of his cheeks.

You slide your face shield down. "Oh, so you're taking notes?"

Jason nearly chokes on his own laugh. "Fuck off. You ready?"

"I guess." You mock him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist.

Back at Wayne Manor, the two of you change into athletic wear and meet in the training room. You spar as per usual. Jason beats you every time. But you’re getting better. Every time you spar, Jason finds himself impressed because you pick up a lot on what he does and then mimic it. It's not helping you in sparring him, but he's completely confident it will help you in any real fight with anyone else. It's smart.

After your showers, Jason starts food for the both of them. You help as much as Jason will let you. This is his element and you find it endearing. You watch him and listen when he tells the story of how Alfred taught him. He's so airy about it, enthusiastic, and a little sad. He didn't know Alfred very long before he died but he clearly meant a lot to Jason. And you think you could listen to him all night if he'll keep talking.

Once dinner is done, you, Jason, and Bruce eat together. You and Jason mostly talk about meeting up with Molly and Jason learning from Alfred because he decided to bake cookies at four in the morning and woke him up. It's actually the first time you’re seeing Bruce in this light and for the first time, you kind of understand Jason's view of him. Just kind of. He doesn't seem so bad.

After dinner, you and Jason do the dishes. Jason washes while you dry. Jason glances over to you every so often and some of this almost makes him feel uneasy. It's easy with you and it feels normal but easy and normal aren't things he normally gets to experience. He's a vigilante superhero. That's not normal or easy but this feels that way with you. Cooking dinner, doing the dishes. He wonders if this will always be like this. Just him and you doing the dishes before patrol. And he gets this small hint of a smile at the thought of it because he almost has a feeling of security in thinking about the future with you.

And then you snap him from his thoughts, picking up your leg and bending your knee to kick him in the butt. Your laugh reverberates against the walls and Jason's heart skips at the sound. And he has to laugh with you, splashing the soapy water at you.

"Fuck you." Jason chortles, his nose scrunching.

"Time and place, Jay." You beam up at him and Jason gains his signature smirk, licking his lips.

"Got time before patrol." Jason states.

"Don't wanna wear you out." You quip as Jason hands you the last plate.

"Like to see you try, babe.” Jason wiggles his brows while your cheeks start to burn. “Hey," Jason shakes his head. "You wanna see if you can come out with us tonight?" Jason asks.

He's been wanting to ask all week. You’ve seemed to be enjoying your break away from being a vigilante and Jason doesn't really understand that part of you. But you did say you'd want to get back out there. He figures maybe tonight could be the night.

"Why? You want me to come?" You flash him a grin as he dries his hands and tosses the towel to the side.

Jason looks up with his eyes, a smirk dancing over his lips. "Maybe."

You shake your head, resting the dry plate to the side as you turn around, leaning your back against the counter. "Maybe another time, bring it up to Bruce." You smirk at him and you are wanting to get back out there. It's only been a few weeks but you miss it. That night with Jason, last week was so fun, sure, Bruce will be there. But it's something and you get can back to feeling useful if Bruce will let you.

"Yeah?" Jason's heart jumps to his throat and wants to reach and grab your waist.

"Yeah, kicking ass with you is fun." You give him a wild smile and he thinks he's going to combust.

"Alright, I'll ask." Jason nods his head and you get the sight a sheepish but accomplished smile on his lips. He's just so damn cute. "Wanna check out the Batcave before we have to get ready?"

"Uh, yeah." You state quickly. "Finally."

Jason takes your hand in his and leads you to the grandfather clock in the living room. Jason changes the time on the clock making the grandfather clock slide across the floor, leading into a stone hallway. You find that to be a weird point of access but it is hidden and kind of cool. You'll give Bruce that.

On the walk through the cave, going deeper under the house, Jason gives you a rundown of the rules. No joyrides in the Batmobile, don't tell anyone or show anyone. Simple rules that you already figured but Jason was told to make sure to go over them even though Jason knows Bruce will later anyway.

"This is it." Jason stretches his arms out as you enter the Batcave, passing by some tech and a hallway where you can see the Batmobile sitting.

It really is a cave. You aren't sure exactly what you expected, but you didn't think the cave thing was literal. And yet. Here you are, standing in a massive cave under Wayne Manor. There are things from the Riddler, Scarecrow, Mr. Freeze, and several other of Gotham's most notorious almost on display throughout the cave. You spot a dinosaur off to the side and you almost ask. You almost ask what the fuck but decide it's probably better you don't know why Bruce has a T-rex in the Batcave.

"It's literally a cave under his house." You state in awe as you reach one of the display cases that holds the Robin suit.

"Yeah." Jason chuckles, looking to his shoes and back to you. "Bats and caves go hand in hand."

"I guess." You laugh softly as you eye the Robin suit. "Your suit always like this?"

"Yeah." Jason nods his head. "Only comes out when we're out or when I'm traveling. Bruce's in another case hidden away." Jason explains.

"Interesting." You nod your head. It's weird seeing it on display but now you get the display room back at the tower. It was a Bruce thing. "And the batcomputer?" You ask, turning around to see a giant computer sitting in the middle of the room.

"Yeah, that's where a lot of it goes down. Researching, tracking those freaks down." Jason boasts and he does love this gig.

You think he's cute when he talks about it. His entire face lights up every single time. It means the entire world to him. And you wonder why, if it's more than just him wanting to be helpful and wanting to feel useful. But, you decide maybe she won't ask.

"This is so sick," You beam back at him. "Batman whatever, but this shit is cool." You’re amazed, looking around. You never thought you'd be in the actual Batcave at any point in your life.

"Right?" Jason agrees, leaning his lower back against the desk under the computer screens.

You walk up to him and stand right in front of him, Jason eying you carefully. It's as if every day, he shows you something new and you like him that much more. You see parts of him no one else is ever allowed to and you’re seeing the Batcave which might be Bruce's but it's Jason's, too. And you like that this is how it is. You like where you are and how you are. You like him, all of him. But you look at him with a satisfied and happy grin as you look around the Batcave and the dangers of it all settle into the marrow of your bones.

You all lost Donna. You know already. But seeing the Batcave is another reminder of what he does as Robin. No powers. Just human doing his best out there to help people. And that part scares you. Worried he won't come home one day. So, you close the distance between you and swear you won't ever tell him that.

You smirk, instead, Jason's eyes darting you up and down. "What's up?" Jason nods his head, his hands still gripping the desk under him.

You shrug, cupping his face before you press your lips to his. It sucks the breath right out of him and he doesn't miss a beat, bringing his hands to your hips and yanking you as close to him as possible. Your mouths intertwine into one and Jason lives for this. It's the not talking shit that you do. It’s the way you can kiss him now and know that's it.

You kiss and then sometimes more happens, or sometimes this is all it is. And that works for him because he's allowed to like you from this distance. He's allowed to let his heart and his blood adjust to the idea of it. To the idea of trusting another person like this. It allows him time to be careful with himself and with you. He can be sure you won't hurt each other like this. And he loves the way your mouth moves with his.

You pull away, your hands lightly gliding over his shoulders. "Don't do anything fucking stupid tonight, Jay." There's a flicker of worry that crosses your eyes, for just a split second and Jason can see it.

Jason squeezes your hips, a sign of reassurance. "Of course not." Jason chuckles. "Got a plan."

"Mhm." You hum. "Always got a plan."

"Always, babe." Jason furrows his brows, letting a smirk come to his lips. "Don't worry so much.".

You shrug a shoulder. "Someone has to."

Jason laughs softly, squeezing your hips again. "I'll be fine." Jason moves his hand to your chin moving your face closer to his again. "I got it." His voice goes a little graveled before he kisses you again.

Jason and Bruce get ready to leave not long after Jason and you come back from the Batcave. This leaves you alone in the Manor again. You don't mind it much, but it gives you a little bit more space to think and you were never a huge fan of thinking.

Your mind goes back to the tower that night it was attacked. And you wonder what would happen if someone figured out Bruce was Batman and then attacked the manor. What if it happens when they're not home? What if it's people like CADMUS? Where there's a lot of them and they're strong and you’re outnumbered? What if they want metahumans? The panic starts to set in so you go to your room and lock the door, grabbing a few of your knives.

You place one of the switchblades under your pillow, making sure it's locked before doing so. And then you place another in both of your nightstands, making sure there's always one around. Then you hide one on top of the fireplace in the middle of the room, just in case. When you’re done, you sit down with a knife in hand and pull out your phone.

You call Gar who, naturally answers after only a few rings. You talk every day still so you calling didn't send up any red flags. You kick off the conversation by asking how things are going and what he's up to. Gar asks the same back and you just say you’re kind of freaked yourself out a little and you’re trying to be honest about it. You know you’re just being paranoid but you’re freaked out anyway. So, Gar offers to stay on the phone with you until the Titans have to leave.

You keep in touch with the Titans regularly. Dick and Kory check in with you every so often to make sure everything is going okay. It's kind of nice actually. Being across the entire country and still having them on your side. You didn't really expect it but it is nice and you appreciate it. And talking with Gar is helping a little. So, when Gar says he has to go, you finds yourself getting up and grabbing your scrapbooking things before sitting back on the bed and turning on a movie.

It's after three by the time Jason and Bruce get home. You can hear them come in so you get up to unlock and up open your door, assuming Jason will find his way to you once he's changed and showered.

It's less than fifteen later when Jason appears in your doorway. Jason gets a look at you sitting cross-legged on your bed, your scrapbook stuff scattered about your entire bed and a knife sitting just off to the side. His brow quirks at it but he thinks maybe you needed it for something. And he goes back to thinking about you being beautiful and content like this. In your element with a movie on, in pajamas. And he can't help but smile softly.

"Hey." Jason says, keeping his stance. But his voice is a little groggy and he hates the way it sounds.

"How'd it go?" You ask, barely glancing at him to not seem too eager to see him.

But there's silence that follows. Seeing you, it brought him a sense of relief and comfort. A stark contrast to what he's actually feeling right about now. Patrol did not go well. And he can't lie because you'll look over at him fully eventually and call his bluff. So, instead, he hangs his head and lets the silence swallow him hole.

You look over, not liking the silence and your entire face falls at the sight of him You quickly get up from the bed and close the distance between you. It's hard. You've been injured together and you see him with bruises all the time, but it's hard. He's in pain, taking hits and getting hurt. And it hurts to see him beat up and feeling beat up. At least most nights when he comes home with a bruise, he's got that cocky grin and some story about kicking someone's ass. But, that's not the look he's giving you right now and it hurts.

"What the hell happend?" You ask, looking over his face, your hand lightly coming up to cup his jaw.

There's a light red bruise hugging his opposite jaw, a purple bruise starting right under his eye, and, blood is still dripping down the side of his face and his lip. There's a cut on his neck and Bruce was there. How did he even manage to get hurt?

Jason shrugs, a dullness in his usually vibrant eyes. "Did not go to plan." He looks exhausted.

You know he hasn't been sleeping much but this is bad. He looks defeated and you don't understand how he's managing to get so beat up when Bruce is supposed to be beside him. It doesn't make any sense.

"Fucks sake, Jay." You shake your head. "Come on." You reach down for his hand and drag him to the bathroom that sits between your rooms.

Jason takes a seat on the counter directing you to one of the cabinets that has all of the first aid supplies.

Jason's hands are shaking as he tries to calm down, resting them in his lap as he waits. A part of him doesn't even want your help right now. He wants to fight this. Fight everything and everyone around him, it should have been fine tonight. He's done this a million times but then he gets so fucking lost in his head, he loses it. It's not fair. And he's terrified Bruce is gonna catch on and take Robin away. How is he supposed to be Robin if he can't fight crime without getting hurt?

"Are you okay?" You ask, grabbing an alcohol pad to start cleaning the cut on his forehead.

"I'm fine." Jason grits his teeth.

"What happened?" You clean up the blood softly before moving up the cut, Jason barely even flinching with the sting.

"Just some fucking bullshit." The worst part is, he doesn't even know what actually happened. He just knows he paused again and all he can feel through his entire bloodstream is shame.

"That's descriptive," You state, glancing to his face and searching for any sign of anything other than exhaustion but you come up empty.

"It doesn't fucking matter, I fucked up again." Jason's scoff is bitter while you grab another alcohol pad and start cleaning the cut on his neck. Jason hisses in return, scrunching his nose.

"Did you?" You ask, looking to his eyes and then back to the cut.

"Clearly."

"Just because you got hurt doesn't mean you fucked up, Jay." You keep your voice level and calm, knowing this side of him all too well.

"Bruce said I did." Jason mutters and you pull away, tossing the alcohol pad in the trash.

"What do you mean?" Your brows furrow as you grab a gauze pad, lightly holding it to his head to stop the bleeding.

"Didn't listen, went off on this guy before Bruce was ready."

"Okay, so what happened?" You press.

You don't get it. Why would he do that? He's capable but why wouldn't he just listen to Bruce? It's not like this is new to either of them. It doesn't make any sense.

"Doesn't fucking matter." His voice is snippy but defeated and you get a glimpse at his shaky hands.

"Jay, hey, look, I'm worried about you, okay?" You eye him carefully deciding not to ask why he would do that. He's beating himself enough without you badgering him about his decision-making. "Your hands are still shaking." You offer a subtle nod, placing your free hand on top of his.

"Just an adrenaline dump." Jason brushes it off. He doesn't need you disappointed and worrying too much.

"Are you sure?" You aren't buying it. His hands shook like this after Deathstroke.

"Yeah, I'm fucking fine, alright? It's just bullshit, should have had him and I don't know. I don't know what happened."

It's not you. It'll never be you that's the problem but he can't stand the way he can't do anything anymore without being paralyzed with fear. And he hates how he can feel the burning in the back of his eyes because it's like he's losing his ability to be good at the one thing he always felt good enough for. Robin. And who he is if he can't do that anymore? And he’s just so damn mad at himself.

You nod softly. "Okay, well, if you're not, you can tell me. I won't tell Bruce." You try your best to reason with him.

You’re worried. And when he looks like this, every part of you wants to fight the entire universe for him. All you want is to make it all go away for him. And you just want him to be okay again.

Jason thinks about telling you. You won't judge him or be mad like Bruce. You'll nod and tell him it's not his fault. But he can't do that to you because he knows you worry about him. You’ve never kissed him before patrol before. He's not that dense.

"I'm fine, I don't know what happened, really." Jason urges and he gains a smile, placing his hand over yours that's holding the gauze. "Don't worry so fucking much."

"I'm always gonna worry about you, Jay," You roll your eyes and grab the butterfly stitches. And you pause for a second, sucking in a breath and decide to bite down your question. But Jason can see it picking at you as you go to place the stitches.

"What?" Jason questions, looking up at you.

You shake your head and you want to ask him if he's ever thought about taking a break to take care of himself but you think maybe he'll take it the wrong way right now. He's beating himself up enough and asking that now is going to make it worse. But, you help but can't worry about him and there's something off. You can see it across his face.

"I want to ask you something but I think you're gonna take it the wrong way and push me away." You state, keeping your stare on the cut.

He's looking up at you, watching as his heart stops in his chest. He doesn't want to push you away but if it's a question you’re worried about, he knows he's not going to like it. Maybe he will push. And that's not very fair to you.

"I won't." Jason states, letting a breath fall harshly into the air.

"Promise? Because I don't mean anything by it." You tread lightly and you know him. You’re going to ask and he's going to get mad.

"Okay." Jason’s voice is flat.

You place the final stitch before you make eye contact with him and place your hand over his in his lap. They're cold and Jason's hands are never cold.

"Have....have you thought...about taking a break from Robin?"

Jason feels his stomach fall a hundred stories. His heart stutters and everything feels cold. How could you possibly ask him that? Just because a break works for you, doesn't mean it'll work for him. You know how much Robin means to him and you’re asking him anyway. How can you ask that of him?

"You don't want me to be Robin?!" Jason barks, his brows pulling into a harsh line and you knew he'd take it the wrong way.

"No." You shake your head. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm just--"

"What?! Bruce thought I needed a fucking break!" Jason pulls his hands from yours and you take a step back. "Dick wouldn't fucking let me and look where that lead us! Taking a fucking break doesn't do fucking shit!"

"Hey, no, that's not what I'm saying, Jay. They forced a break onto you!" You yell back. "I mean you, have you thought about taking a break for you? On your own terms. Not for them. Fuck them. You know damn well I am on your side 100% of the time."

"But you're asking! You don't think I'm good enough for--"

"Shut up." You cut him off. "Don't put that shit on me because I didn't say anything. I asked you a question. Don't try and read between lines that aren't there. I am asking you because I am worried and I know you don't like it but that's just too damn bad, Jay. You ARE good enough. I'm taking a break and what? Do you think I'm not good enough for it?"

Jason pauses. "No...you are." Jason scoffs. "But I didn't fucking ask you to!"

"I know! And I'm not asking you to." You shake your head. "I don't even know if I think you need a break, but if I did, I still would never ask you to take a break. It's not my place to ask that of you. I--" You feel your heart skip and you are terrified of losing him. That's what this whole thing boils down to. You can't lose him. "I just..."

"What?" Jason asks but this time, he lacks some of the venom, getting the sense something's going on.

"I...I just..." You stutter because you have so much to say and none of the words will come out. They stick to your vocal cords as if it's a lifeline to everything you’ve come to adore over the last few months. "You....you go out every night with Bruce and...." The lump grows in your throat as your brows furrow and Jason feels the guilt seep into his blood. Maybe your question wasn't about him. "I don't know." You shake your head. "You're human, ya know? No powers and...I know that, obviously. Deathstroke and shit but uh...I don't know."

"What?" Jason pushes and there's a fear that creeps into his voice.

You almost tell him you’re worried about him not coming home. You almost tell him that if he goes out one night and doesn't come home, you'd lose it entirely. You almost tell him he's it for you. But, none of those words make their way to the surface because what you two are is fun and what you are isn't too pressured and what you are allows you both to exist in a simple bubble. What you are allows you both a safe distance from pain.

Jason thinks this is gonna be it. This is gonna be where you finally say the words and it changes everything. He's not ready to commit to it. It still scares the ever-living shit out of him and he also knows that turning you down again would be miserable. To go back to being just friends? Nothing else? That is agonizing. So, he sits nearly paralyzed, waiting to see where this going.

"I'm just worried about you, Jay." You stick to your usual form of concern and Jason can't figure out why his heart just fell into the pit of his stomach.

Jason lets out a breath that’s almost painful. He needs a way to reassure you that he’s fine. But, he swears that’s going to be harder than it should be. You see through every piece of bullshit he’s thrown at you. But, he has to try anyway because Jason has to believe he’ll be fine and that he’s just a little off. It’ll all be fine in the end. He just needs a little more time.

"Don't worry so much." Jason states and extends his arm out for you. You close the distance between you, standing between his legs. "I'm fine, alright? You don't have shit to worry about. I'm just a little off my game. It's not a thing."

You rest your forehead against his and Jason lets out a relieved breath. "I, um...." You pause for a second. "Just really care about you. Not sure what I would do if I lost you, ya know?"

He has never had anyone so afraid of losing him before. It's foreign. He doesn't know how to process it or what to do with it. He can't stop being a vigilante and deep down, he knows you would never ask him to stop and he doesn't even really believe you want him to. But, you make valid points and he also knows that if it were you coming like he does, he'd be worried, too.

Jason pulls away, cupping your face with is hands. "You're not gonna lose me, alright?" Jason gets a cheeky grin. "I'm fine."

He wants to push and run and flee. He wants to get the hell away from this conversation. It's the exposure of being a little vulnerable. Before, he could get used to it but now you both have that added layer of benefits and you’re saying you’re terrified of him dying and he feels so exposed.

Sun exposure can lead to skin cancer. Smoke exposure can lead to lung cancer, COPD, and smoke inhalation, all of which are deadly. Exposure to elements while being unprepared is also deadly. Exposure is deadly and he feels that fear knocking and pounding at the back of his head and against his rib cage.

And yet he finds himself wondering how someone who also hates being so exposed, just like him, is finding it in yourself to expose that part of you. You don't stutter much around him anymore but you just did, a lot, which means you were nervous. Exposed but you did it anyway for him and he doesn't fucking get it. It might as well be rocket science at this point.

And if he weren't so damn terrified of exposure and commitment and everything around him, he'd tell you he's afraid of losing you, too.

So, instead of running or pushing like he so desperately wants to do, he rests his forehead back against yours while your eyes close. Your thumbs run over his thighs and you fall into a silence as if knowing there should be more said in this conversation. But neither one of you are willing to say it.

Jason's heart is beating against his ribs and he thinks his heart is directly beating in search for yours. Maybe it's always been beating for a place to call home and it longs for yours because you’re the closest thing to home he's ever felt. And he wishes he could just tell you that.

But where words fail, actions can speak.

He pulls away, and lifts your chin, kissing your lips gently and softly. He can feel you smile against him and it brings him a sense of ease. The night still weighs heavy on his chest and in his stomach but you kiss him back, just as gently, and it makes the night seem a little easier to swallow. The way you kiss him, makes it a little easier for him to swallow the words he wishes he could say.

"What was that for?" You ask softly because he's never kissed you like that before.

"Thanks for giving a shit about me." Jason lets out a breath.

You let out a laugh, your nose scrunching. "Always." You suck in a breath and you want to understand every part of him. Jason isn’t all that hard to figure out but there are some things you realize you’ve never asked. And all you ever want to do is to be there for him and understand him, just as he does for you. "Can I ask you something?" You ask, pulling away to finish tending to the cut on his neck.

"Sure." Jason tilts his head so you can have better access to the cut.

"Why does Robin mean so much to you?" You glance to him, seeing his brows pull together in a harsh line. "I'm just wondering. I never asked before."

Jason lets out a breath. "I get to help people." Jason states. "Get to kickass with Batman every night, it's the sickest gig in the world." Jason chortles and his laugh makes your heart warm.

"That it? Get to kick some ass helping people?" You ask but the corner of your mouth is tugged up.

"I'm good at it." Jason states as you finishes placing the gauze pad.

His entire life, he's never felt good enough but he's always had this heart of gold. He's always just wanted to help and be helpful. That's it. And Robin lets him do that in such a big way. He doesn't even have the right words to describe it and a part of him doesn't even want to because he thinks it might sound lame out loud. But, he can see you offering him a soft smile.

"Yeah, you are the better Robin." You laugh softly.

"Yeah, thanks." Jason chuckles softly and he plays a big game but it's hard filling in Dick's shoes sometimes. "Just feel fucking important I guess. Like what I do matters."

You pause, your brows furrowing and you’re making it your mission to always make sure he feels important. You place your hands on his thighs while Jason's hands come to your hips. "I am not Robin but, uh, you're important to me, too, ya know? Even without Robin."

Heat rises to Jason's cheeks and he never really knows what to say when you say something like that. "Thanks." He clears his throat because he's worried this might go to a talk of sorts with the comment and he doesn't want it to go there. It can't go there. "What were you working on?"

"Scrapbook." You state and you decide to let him switch the conversation.

"What's it about?"

"It's a secret," You tease him, looking back at him before you grab a wet rag and start cleaning the cut on his lip.

"Come on," Jason groans, smirking under your touch. "Can't even tell me?"

"Nope." You pop the p and your mouth is tugged into a grin.

"Wow, thought there were no secrets between us." The sarcasm drips from his words.

You pull away and grin at him. "Oh, that are plenty of secrets, Jason Todd."

"Oh yeah, like what?" Jason's voice drops and he knows what you’re doing.

"They wouldn't be secrets if I told you." Your eyes widen at him.

He wants to hear all of your secrets. All the good, the bad, and the ugly. Jason holds many secrets close to his chest and you do, too but he wants to know yours. He'd be willing to sit and tell you more of his if you can do the same. You’re the only one he's ever felt that way with. He wants to know every detail.

"Tell me one." His voice goes soft, catching you off guard.

You rest the rag in the sink, placing your hands back on his thighs. "Then you have to tell me one." Your eyes narrow slightly, a smirk dancing over your lips.

Jason gets a smirk, his eyes darting between your eyes and lips. "Deal."

You think all of your secrets are about him. He knows everything else. You’ve told him it all whether he knows it or not. The only ones you have left are the ones about him and those are the ones most guarded. They are yours. They stay locked behind your ribcage to keep you and Jason like this. Flirt and fun and no strings attached. But, he's got these big green eyes that make your secrets want to spill out carelessly.

"Okay, are we having a discussion about these secrets or not?" You ask bluntly and you want to know what's safe to tell him now. You don't want the talk yet. What you're doing is fun and easy. You don't want to complicate it just yet.

Jason shakes his head. "Nope." He doesn't want the talk either. This is comfortable. He wants to be comfortable a little bit longer with you.

"It was always you." Your voice is so quiet Jason almost doesn't hear you and Jason just eyes you as your eyes divert to your hands slightly gripping his thighs.

If things didn't get complicated with Rose and the attack on the tower, and if he wouldn't have pushed you away and if you wouldn't have run, you would have told him. You would have just said the words but all of those things happened. And while you don't want that conversation right now because things would change too much too soon, you do want him to know. He beats himself up when things go wrong and Jason thinks he's not worthy of being cared for or important to other people. He deserves to know.

His heart nearly stops in his chest. He racks his brain, trying to figure out exactly what that means because it cannot mean what he thinks it means. But he's almost positive there can't be anything else you mean by that. He remembers every conversation you’ve ever had and you wouldn't tell him something he wouldn't remember. The only thing that comes to his head is him and Gar. And that thought is banging and pounding against his ribcage, trying to thrash its way out into the open air and ask. To verify that's true. But, he can't. His ribcage stays closed and locked and guarded.

"Don't dig into it." You state as you finally look back at him and see the gears in his head start to move. "Your turn."

Jason bounces too many secrets around on his head. He could tell her so many. He's thought about kissing you since that day in the training room where you told him what happened to you. He wishes he would have kissed you both of those nights in the bathroom. He should have asked you to leave with him. But all of those seem too heavy and he knows you will want to dig into them. That's not fair to you. He won't do that. And that’s why he doesn’t tell you it should have been you, it’s always been you. You deserve to know, too but you’ll dig and he knows you will. That’s not fair. So, he picks something else that's still honest, but not something that'll bother you.

"I like when you help me like this. Never liked when Bruce or Alfred would offer." Jason’s voice is soft but a little hesitant.

You offer him a gentle smile and you actually expected him to say something less serious, something more of a joke. You were okay with that. So, this is surprising.

"I'll always clean you up." You laugh softly.

Jason isn't gonna talk about it. Not even that, it's too much tonight so instead, he pulls you closer to him before sliding his hands up to your face and bringing your lips to his.

Over the next few weeks, things continue as normal. You and Jason continue your new arrangement and it's going well. You've managed to keep it between the two of you, not even realizing Bruce and Molly have definitely figured something was going on. You're existing in your own bubble together. Bruce upped your training so he knows what you’re capable of. He's happy to have you along on patrol but he's going to make sure you’re safe just as he did with Jason and Dick.

Training with Bruce is different than Dick and Jason. Dick was defensive, Jason is offensive, and Bruce is a mix of both as well as observing. But, you follow along with him just fine and Bruce has you fitted for a suit because if someone is going on patrol with him, they need extra protection. And you’ve felt comfortable enough on the bike, with Jason's teaching, that you applied for a motorcycle license and are just waiting for the all-clear. Jason assures you that they approve most people and you don't need a standard license to even apply. So, you’re not worried.

Now though, you’re hanging out with Molly at Molly's apartment in Crime Alley. You've been hanging out a lot more and you feel so happy. You were best friends your entire lives and you missed her. It's why you never mentioned her by name. Keeping her name out of your mouth, kept the ache of missing her at a distance. But you're back together and Molly missed you, too. She always worried you found yourself dead somewhere. She's relieved you were just across the country.

"I missed this place." You let a sigh, opening the take-out box.

"I swear, we'd eat there every weekend. I haven't had this is forever." Molly laughs softly. It was your favorite place, eating there hurt.

"Really? This was the first place I wanted to hit when I got back. Jason and me went the very next day I was here." You beam.

"Oh, you took Jason to your favorite take-out place?" Molly asks with a grin, her sitting down and opening her own take-out back.

"Yeah! He needs to experience it, too." You defend. "Why?"

"Just funny." Molly laughs softly. "Seems nothing has changed though. Getting the same order."

"And the place looks the exact same." You gesture your fork at Molly. "Tim still helping out, just as a full-time employee now."

"Yeah, instead him running orders in between doing his homework," Molly laughs and Tim is the son of the owners of the restaurant.

The three of you aren't friends by any means but you've had your fair share of conversations over the years. Tim was always in the restaurant when you and Molly would pop in and the natural order of things would be to talk to people around the same age.

"Feels so homey." You smile softly.

Your phone vibrates and Molly has noticed your face lights up when you check it. You start typing and there's this smile on your lips that warms Molly's heart. You’ve always been a little cynical, just a little. But you were also happy. It's just, Molly hasn't seen you like this and you’ve been different. In some ways a good different and in others, not so much.

"How are you? It's been a few weeks and I haven't asked in a while. I wanted to give you some space." Molly’s voice is kind as she starts on her food.

"I'm really good, actually." You answer honestly.

You’re still having nightmares and you look over your shoulder still. But, you don't feel nearly as paranoid. The nightmares are slowing down. You’re getting a little more sleep. And then there's Jason. He makes you feel so at ease with everything.

"Good, you look happy." Molly’s smile is gentle and warm.

"Yeah..." You let out a soft sigh. You aren't sure you’ve ever been this happy as you type away as at a text which is of course just Jason asking what you and Molly are up to.

"So...you and Jason...?" Molly raises a brow at you.

"What about us?" You answer slowly, resting your phone on the table.

"You like him." Molly teases softly.

"Do I?" You quip.

"Yes. You have never been more obvious about something in your life." Molly laughs.

"What do you mean?" You snort with the shake of your head.

It's not so much that you care that Molly knows. It's that you know Molly and you know Molly is going to have a whole lot of questions as to why you haven't told him yet. In order for you to answer that honestly, you would have to tell Molly about Deathstroke which means Robin and you can't do that.

"Well, no one calls him Jay so there's that. You two are always touching each other in some way which is very uncharacteristic of the both of you. The way you guys joke with each other. You talk about him a lot. You talk about the other people but not like you talk about Jason. Then there's the way you look at—"

"Okay." You cut your off, getting the point. You didn't realize you made it so obvious. "I get it."

"So?" Molly presses.

"Yeah, he just...." You pause and a sad smile comes to your lips. "I really, really like him and he's such a brat, ya know? But...I don't know. He's...good. I don't know, he gets me and I get him. It's like we don't even have to talk to get it, I guess." Your brows furrow. "I don't know."

"He likes you, too you know?" Molly pokes at her food.

"How do you figure?" You chuckle and you’re always hoping he does but you highly doubt that’s a detail Jason told Molly.

"He watches you. Like, always. When he says something he thinks is funny, he immediately looks at you to see if you laugh which, by the way, you always do and Jason isn't that funny." Molly teases and it gets a laugh out of you. "He's really protective of you, I mean, he is with most but it's different with you, remember when we saw that move last week?"

"Yes?" You question and you’re not entirely sure what that has to do with anything.

It went as it always does when you go to see a movie. You tease Jason about how few movies he’s seen and he calls you a nerd and tells you to get out more. As far as you remember, it went as it always does.

"There was a guy eyeing you and you were oblivious to it because you were too busy watching Jason but Jason was staring that guy down so hard, I thought Jason was going to walk over and hit him, the guy left. If looks could kill, that guy would have been dead. Also, don't tell him I told you this, okay?"

"Okay?"

"When he came back, he told me about this girl and I've never heard him talk like that about someone before. He said she drove him insane but was also one of the coolest people he's ever met. And he missed her. I kind of thought he was talking about Rose. Like he wasn't over her because he said he was excited this girl was coming to Gotham but then you walked into the coffee shop that day and I knew he was talking about you not Rose. So, for what it's worth, he likes you."

Jason looped Molly in about Rose when he got back. He didn't tell her much but he did tell her. So, when Jason was also talking about this other girl, Molly kind of figured it'd be Rose because Jason, as long as Molly has known him at least, hasn't been with many people. It's not all that shocking with his inability to let people in so Molly always thought it was Rose. But, she watches Jason and you and realizes all those good things she's heard, were always about you. Not Rose. And Molly, for one, thinks the two of you would be good together.

A soft, sheepish smile tugs at your lips as your heart burns in your chest. "I didn't realize he talked about me."

It's a little surprising since it's Jason. But, your heart warms with the idea of him telling anyone about you. And him being excited for you to be in Gotham with him.

"You know Jason, super open and great at communication." Molly laughs softly. "So, have you told him?"

You shake your head. "No..." You mutter as you take a drink of your drink.

"Why not!? You always tell people and he likes you, too." Molly groans and Jason, she completely understands not saying anything but you? Not so much.

"It's complicated." You let out a sigh knowing complicated is an easy way to put it.

"Life is too short and you like him, he likes you. What's so complicated?"

You run every reason through your head. Deathstroke, almost dying, Gar, Rose, not wanting to get hurt again. Not wanting to Jason to die for you and Jason not wanting you to die for him. The whole idea of a relationship is terrifying. You’re both a little bit of mess at this exact point in time. The endless trauma that seems to follow you both around. And friends with benefits is fun. There are several reasons why this is complicated but most of those you can’t tell her. But, you can tell her one reason.

"I....okay...I can't tell you everything and I'm asking you to not ask about everything, okay? It's not my shit to tell. I can't tell you without telling you everyone else's shit and that's not fair."

"Okay?" Molly nods her head slowly, her brows furrowing together, unsure what you could possibly mean by any of that.

"So, uh....you just have to take what I tell you and don't ask questions and do not dig, I know you love to dig into things, so please don't."

"Okay, but you're freaking me out." Molly forces a small laugh.

"It's fine. But, look, something happened and uh....we got hurt. And I kissed him." You cut out every other important detail, knowing that likely makes very little sense.

"You did?!"

"Yeah, and I uh, I don't know. We went back home and we helping each other out and he told me he couldn't. He had his reasons and I...I agreed with him enough, I guess. And he said, that I was into Gar and he was into Rose anyway it wouldn't work with us. And that was the end of it." You poke your food with a fork because maybe that conversation still stings a little bit.

"You did it again." Molly groans as she she shakes her head.

"Yep." You nod your head. "I know, I realized that later. I should have fought but I did like Gar and he liked Rose. Those were facts we both knew. So, I Iet him push and I ran. And now, I'm....worried if I tell him, he won't pick me again and that'll suck. I know I put Gar in that shitty situation and that's not fair but I don't want him to push again. It just sucked."

You’re not a pick-me person but it hurt anyway. And you know that the odds of Jason pushing again, after everything and with where you stand right now, are probably pretty slim. But, there is that chance because he kissed you back that night, too. He never said he didn’t like you. But, that’s also a very, very small reason for not telling him. You think you could suck up the fear of it if it weren’t for everything else but you can’t tell Molly that. You can just give her this one, miniscule reason.

"Right, but you let him. And I'm telling you he likes you. What's the worst that can happen if you tell him?" Molly shrugs her shoulders.

"We'd have to talk about it and neither of us want to." You chortle.

"So don't? You tell him and then he tells you and that can be the end of it, you don't need to have this whole contract discussed and signed about it."

"Yeah..." You let out a sigh. "There is more to it but that's what I can tell you."

"We'll, regardless, you should tell him. You would be good together." Molly shrugs softly, a cheeky smile pulling at her lips.

"I will, I swear. But, we're just having fun right now and I think we're both comfortable here for now." You take a bite of your food with the shrug of your shoulders. "What about you?" You ask changing it back to Molly. "Seeing anyone?"

Molly laughs softly, getting the hint to switch subjects. "Kind of. There's a girl, Sheila."

“Oh, Sheila?” Your eyes widen. “Go on.” You urge with a wide smile.

When you get back of the Manor, you go looking for Jason. While things are getting better for you, they almost seemed to have stalled for Jason. He feels happy. That's not the issue. The issue is patrolling as Robin and then the lack of sleep. His nightmares are several times a week and he can't bring himself to sleep some nights. He lays with you and you fall asleep. He never expects you or wants you to stay up and suffer with him. Everything is just hard. And he's so angry about it.

He's scared of everything that moves sideways and he never used to be like that. He couldn't afford to be like that. All he does is feel weak and every time he fucks up on patrol, it gets worse. He feels that much more like a failure and disappointment to Bruce. Every time a nightmare hits, he feels worse. And he hates that his leg still hurts. It's not fair and he's fine, usually. He deals with it. But, there are some days, like today, when the world feels a little heavier.

"Hey." You greet him quietly as you walk into the library, Jason seated on the couch against the windows with a book open.

He looks over the book and he smiles, almost subconsciously. "Hey, how's Molly?"

"Good, we got food from that place I like." You smile softly as you walk further into the room. He's reading Frankenstein again and you think the bags under his eyes are darker today. "Reading, huh?" You tilt your head slightly to the right.

"Yeah," Jason answers plainly.

You sleep together nearly every night and Jason doesn't know, but you feel him awake sometimes. And when you try not to sleep in each other's rooms, usually one of you wakes up from a nightmare anyway and wanders into the other's room. More often than not, it's Jason coming into your room. And sometimes, you’re the one that goes into his room to wake him up because he's screaming so loud, it wakes you up in your own room. The only reason you aren't completely freaking out is because he's getting better about talking about his nightmares with you. But, it's clear it bothers him. You wish more than anything you knew how to help him.

"Loud?" You ask and that's one thing he adores and appreciates about you. You’re never afraid to ask him about it. And you never really have to. You know. He never has to tell you. No one knows him like you do.

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Jason shakes his head, a gentle smirk on his lips. "Nope."

"Okay." You smile at him. "I'll be right back." You spin on your heels and dart out of the room, leaving Jason a little confused.

He goes back to reading his book until you walk in, carrying your scrapbook supplies in both arms, you have a warm but wide smile tugging at your lips. You sit on the floor at the table in front of Jason. Jason watches you get your supplies spread across the table and that's another thing about you. You just join him. You accept him not talking about everything because he will. He always tells you what's going on with him eventually. But until he's ready, you just sit with him so he's never alone.

"I'll just do my thing and you can talk if you want to or read." You smile widely at him as you look over your shoulder.

Jason lets out a soft chuckle. "Can read out loud if you want."

"I think you just like to hear yourself talk." You chuckle, looking back at the table.

"And you don't?" Jason chortles.

"I didn't say I didn't," You laugh softly and you could listen to him read an instruction manual and still be entertained.

"Yeah, alright. Did you want context?"

"No, you can just read." You answer softly, leaning over the table to open to the page in scrapbook you were last working on. And Jason starts reading.

Jason continues to read out loud and you work on putting your page together. Jason looks over his book after every paragraph, not even realizing he's doing it so often. But he can see some of what you’re doing and you’re working a page that looks to be all of the Titans. He can see a picture of Dick and Gar laid out while there's another one of Rachel on the actual page. And he smiles softly. He just likes you so much and he is so aware of it. You’re in your own little bubble with him reading to you and he thinks this is how it should be because it's peaceful.

Jason has never known peace. Between how he grew up and the streets and Robin, peace isn't exactly in his life. He didn't even think he knew a life could have peace. But then he meets you and somewhere between the chaos of your lives and falling into comfort with you, he realizes he's at peace when you’re around.

He wakes up from a nightmare and there you are looking at him with soft eyes and a look of worry across your face. But one that wreaks of kindness and adoration. And the nightmares don't seem so scary anymore. And then when things feel too heavy, you walk in and hold the world up with him. When he wants to absolutely lose it because patrol didn't go well and Bruce lectures him, you give him a smirk and it quiets the thoughts. When he thinks he's not worthy of anything good, you kiss him and he swears you are good. And maybe, just maybe, there is a part of him that can be deserving of you. When Jason doesn't think he knows what peace is, you walk in and decides to be his peace for him.

"Are you ever gonna show me?" Jason asks, looking up from his book and leaning slightly over the couch to get a better look.

You shove your book away from him. "You're so nosy." You give him a fake whine. "Maybe."

"Just maybe?" Jason leans all the way up, trying to get a look at the other side and you move it away.

"It's not done!" You turn to give him the fakest scowl he's ever seen.

"Sneak peak?" Jason gives you a cheeky smile.

"While that is cute of you, no."

Jason puts his finger in his book and swings his legs to the floor, planting his feet down. He leans over to you, closing most of the distance between you. His grin is wicked and wild like a rogue wave and you want to drown right into him.

"You're just gonna make me wait?" Jason's voice drops.

"Patience is a virtue, Jay." You lick your lips as you look to his.

"I'm not a patient person."

"Oh, I know." You laugh softly as Jason gets closer to you, his nose brushing over yours and you swear you'll never get used to it. You can feel him leaning over you though and you pull away, moving the book over. "Nice try."

Jason leans back with a booming laugh. "Worth a shot."

"Gotta be quicker than that, Jay."

"But you'll show me, right? When it's done?"

"Yes, of course." You roll your eyes. "It's just a book about you guys so I'll give that. You get to know what it's about." Your entire chest burns with his interest in your thing.

"The whole book?" Jason raises a brow.

"Mhm. You all get a dedicated page. But that's it, you don't get any more than that."

Jason's voice catches in his throat because if they all get a dedicated page, that means he does, too. "Oh, I get a page, huh?"

"Yes." You chew the inside of your cheek. "If you stop being so nosy, maybe you'll get two."

Jason wants to crack his rips wide open and let you take his heart right out of its place. He thinks maybe he was born with a broken heart, maybe it was supposed to be permanently damaged. And as he grew up, people took more pieces of his broken heart leaving him with this shell of something that doesn't even resemble a heart. Because it's guarded by so much barbed wire and latches, it's nearly impossible to access. But he wants to take all of that away and let you take what's left of it. He wants to give you every damaged piece of him he has left and maybe, just maybe, you'll offer a piece of yours for him. And his heart won't be permanently broken after all. Maybe. Just maybe, he's been wrong his entire life and he doesn't have to be broken forever.

Maybe he was born with a broken heart but maybe his heart wasn't destined to be permanently damaged.

"I'll take that." Jason beams at you and he wants to be involved in all of your hobbies.

He's not sentimental, but he wants to take all the pictures he possibly can in case you ever want them for a scrapbook. And he wants to go to your silly hobby stores and help you pick up more supplies. He wants to learn about how you choose a topic and how you plan your pages. He wants to know all of it.

"Can you show me how you do your scrapbooks sometime?"

Your brows furrow. "Um...yeah, of course. Didn't think you'd be into it."

"You like it." Jason states and you’re so head over heels for him.

"Can you teach me how to cook some of your favorites then?" You ask. "You like it." You state with ease.

Jason's smile is soft and loving. "Yeah, of course. Don't wanna learn your favorites?"

You shrug. "Yeah I do but...then I can make yours. You always make stuff for me."

"Alright." Jason chuckles softly and the both of you wonder how long you'll do this for. That was not a friendly thing either of you just offered and you both know it. "I'll teach you something tomorrow."

"Then I'll teach you tomorrow, too." You beam at him. "Think of a topic you want to do and find some pictures."

"Yes, ma'am." Sarcasm fills his words but he's so excited to learn about your thing. Jason leans in closer once more, almost kissing you before your attention is pulled to the doors by Bruce clearing his throat.

"Sorry to interrupt." Bruce states, eyeing the two of you and he finds this whole thing amusing. You both actually think he has no idea what's going on.

Jason leans back a little in his seat, cheeks shooting a fire engine red while you keep your attention on Bruce. Why do the older bats keep interrupting and how the hell do they always know? Jason though, can see that Bruce doesn't look mad or annoyed. He actually looks happy.

"Why are you so happy?" Jason questions.

"That's him being happy?" You whisper as you turn around to look at him and Jason chuckles quietly.

"Your suit has arrived." Bruce offers you a soft smile.

In all honesty, you thought that it would take longer but you can't be too surprised. This is Bruce Wayne.

"No shit?" You question and while you like to tease Jason about his suit, you do actually think it's kind of cool and you’ve been excited waiting for this day to come. That also means, you should be able to finally join them on patrol.

Jason moves to the edge of his seat because while this is your suit, he's just as excited. He remembers the first day he got to put on the Robin suit and he still deems that the best day of his life. He doesn't think it'll be like that for you but he's excited for you anyway.

"Would you like to see it?" Bruce asks.

"Hell yeah." You close your scrapbook and get to your feet, Jason immediately joining you.

The two of you follow Bruce down to the Batcave. Bruce hands you a suitcase, one similar to the one Jason has for the Robin suit. You head off to the bathroom/changing area and get changed. You look in the mirror and you beam with a sense of pride.

It's so lame and it's impractical to have to change but you really like it. In a way, it's as if it solidifies your role as a vigilante. You wear a mask and that's fine but this is different. This actually hides your identity better than just a mask does and you feel as if this is what you’re meant to do. The suit is the symbol of vigilantism and you feel so proud of it. It does not define you but you hold your head up high anyway. It just fits perfectly and it's yours. So, you walk out with your head high, a pep in your step.

Jason's eyes widen as he smiles widely, getting up from his seat at the batcomputer when you come into view. The suit is black but it has Pacific blue accents. The tactical belt is Pacific blue and the cape, that naturally has a hood, is also Pacific blue. There are two vertical stripes of blue fabric down your sides, the gloves that go almost to your elbow are blue as are your boots. The holsters hugging your thighs are even blue. Instead of a domino mask like Jason and Dick, you have a mask on the lower half of your face, covering your mouth. The mask is also blue. And Jason thinks you look absolutely amazing.

"Holy shit." Jason gawks.

"It's so cool, right?!!" You beam, nearly jumping.

Jason can't help but laugh. Of all people, he didn't think you would actually think the suit thing was cool. You’ve made fun of him a hand full of times about the Robin suit, mostly about the mask and cape. But, he finds it amusing anyway because you’re beaming at him and you’re he one that asked for the cape.

"I thought you said it was lame." Jason smirks at you.

"It is but it's so fucking cool!" You’re so excited and Jason can see the smile in your eyes. "Is my cape fireproof and bulletproof?" You look at Bruce who has a sense of pride. You’re not his vigilante in the same way Jason and Dick are and were but he thinks you'll do just fine.

"Yes, of course. All of your knives and tools fit in your belt and in the holsters." Bruce explains.

"This is so fucking cool, Bruce." You think you might vibrate right out of the suit from being too excited. "Thank you, seriously."

"You're very welcome."

"So, I can go on patrol now?" You look between the two of them.

"We go tonight." Bruce offers you a nod.

"You're a bat now." Jason quips, earning a fake glare from you.

"Guess, it's worth it. I mean, my cape is cooler than yours." You state as you pull the hood over your head. "I got a hood."

Jason lets out a heart-filled laugh. "Yeah, but yours was modeled after mine." Jason quips.

"Still it's so cool." You can't even fire back because this is just the coolest thing ever. "Gar is gonna lose his mind."

"He's gonna have a fuck ton of questions about it." Jason lets out a laugh.

"I know! But he'll think it's cool!"

"You're gonna hang out in that all day, aren't you?" Jason leans back against the desk to the batcomputer, a cocky and knowing grin on his lips.

"It is tempting." You let out a laugh as you look down over the suit.

"You'll be able to wear it plenty." Bruce chuckles and you remind him of Dick and Jason when they first put on their Robin suits.

Jason even said it was the best day of his life. It's like the suit makes it all real. It makes what you all do a reality, a sense of purpose. A sense of hope and that's why Bruce does it, recruits Robins. To help them and offer them a sense of purpose and hope. Even if things don't always go to plan.

"Thank you, again." You say genuinely.

"You're welcome."

"Can...can I show Gar? And the Titans?" You ask.

You’re not exactly sure where the line is on telling people. You know you can't just go out telling any random person, or friend that's not in your line of work. But it's the Titans, all of which know about Bruce.

"Yes." Bruce chuckles softly. "Just put it in the case when you're done." Bruce states before he exits the cave.

You pull out your phone and take a selfie, your eyes smiling for you and Jason shakes his head. You’re so pretty and funny and cute. Jason doesn't think he has enough words or even the proper words to describe how he feels about you. You walk up to Jason and hand him the phone.

"Wanna take one for me?" You ask.

"Sure." Jason chuckles softly and you stand in front of him, your hands on your hips with your head held proudly, the hood and the mask concealing most of your face and Jason has to give it to you. The hood was smart. "Here." Jason hands you the phone back as you look at the picture and you can't believe this is happening. Your entire life Batman and Robin have been the vigilantes of Gotham and now you’re one of them. It's insane. "It looks really good on you." Jason states softly.

"You think so?" You ask with hopeful eyes.

Jason nods, his eyes looking you up and down. "Yeah, it's fucking hot."

"Oh?" You question, pulling down your hood. "You think so?" Jason can't see it, but you’re giving him a teasing grin.

"Hell yeah." Jason closes some of the distance between you and he wonders if you see him like this in the Robin suit. You make fun of him sure, but now you’re the one in a suit and cape.

"Robin suit is pretty hot, too, ya know?" You shrug your shoulders lazily.

"You think so?" Jason's voice drops and he goes to look at your lips, realizing he can't so his eyes come back to yours and he swears he wants to drown in them. "Always making fun of me."

"Hell yeah." You pull the mask off and close the distance between you. "You're just easy to make fun of."

"Guess we just make a good team, huh?" Jason asks, his voice so low you can barely hear him and now he's freely glancing to your lips.

His hands rest on your hips, just above the tackle belt and he's never felt the fabric like this before, on someone else. There's a sturdiness to it. It's thick and textured under his callused palms. And a part of him, while he wants you to come on patrol, was a little nervous about it. With your whole ability to get kidnapped and held captive, or almost, it worries him just a little bit. But, you’re wearing this suit and he knows first hand that his suit protects him from so much every night and he doesn't feel so nervous about it anymore.

"Guess so." You lay your hands on his sides, lightly holding his t-shirt.

Jason grins before putting a finger under your chin and bringing your face to his, kissing you gently.

That night, you go out on patrol with Jason and Bruce for the first time. Going out with the Titans was always fun and riveting. It's one of the reasons you missed it but you were a big group. But, going out with just Bruce and Jason, it's just the three of you. And there's something about it you think you kind of prefer over the larger group. Even if that means working with Bruce. But, it's fun and you have a great time and patrol goes well. Nothing eventful really happened, just the usual small petty crimes but went well anyway.

The next day comes around Jason teaches you how to cook pot roast. It is his favorite meal after all. There's a lot of laughter and stolen glances. Jason's never taught anyone how to cook anything. It's always been him and then Alfred taught him some things. But that's all it ever was. And now he's here with you, teaching you and you’re like a sponge, absorbing everything he's telling you. You keep notes on your tablet and Jason thinks it's the cutest thing in the world. You do all of it for him. And for a second, Jason catches him thinking that friends don't do that. Again.

You're friends, that's been established whenever Molly asks. Or Bruce gives either of you one of his looks that somehow say everything and nothing all at once but they wreak of suspicion. When you first started this, you asked if it were friends with benefits and Jason said it'd be fun. It is. It is a lot of fun. But, he does find that maybe you're crossing that line more often than not now where it's not really friends anymore.

You reach for his hand during movies and TV shows so you can play with his fingers and he rubs your back and plays with your hair. You kiss a lot more than when you're joking or sparring or more. You’re dedicated to learning his favorite meals and he's dedicated to learning your hobbies. You sleep together more often than not. You are almost always together or texting when you're not. He always makes sure you’re tucked in when he wakes up first. And he swears friends don't do this and a part of him wants to freak out about it. Push you away and call this whole thing quits but he looks over at you as you beams with pure and unfiltered joy, and he knows he won't do that.

He decides, he wants this. Whatever the fuck this is going to be, he wants it forever. With you. He wants you today, tomorrow, and every day after that. Jason wants you to give him all of your broken pieces and let him mend them back together or replace them with every whole piece he has left. He swears up and down he doesn't deserve it and he doesn't deserve you. But, right now, in this moment watching you learn his favorite meal with the happiest smile he's ever seen, he can try to be someone who does deserve you. He'll try to be someone you deserve. So, he smiles back at you and walk up to you, wrapping you in his arms before kissing you.

And you teach him stuff about scrapbooking. You went to the store before dinner and you’re positive you were probably annoying because while Jason is interested, he also is a huge dork. He really enjoyed the googly eyes and insisted he would need them. For what? You don't know but sure. He was just interested in everything and you watched him with stars in your eyes because Molly is the only one who ever showed interest in your things. Molly is the only one who let you go on movie rants but Jason does, too. Jason does with enthusiasm and then it's like he keeps a mental note of everything you have ever said. You don't know why he does it or how but it makes you feel important in a way you’ve never felt before.

As the week goes by, you think patrolling with Bruce is so bizarre. He's been Batman for your entire life and now you’re....sitting on rooftops which is an entirely other situation, with him. It's weird as shit. But, you are enjoying it. You like helping innocent people stay safe. And you get to spend some more time with Jason, you get to watch Jason in his favorite element. Kicking ass. And he's hot while he does it, too.

Now, you're back at the Manor and you’re the first one to shower this time. Showering after patrol is actually the best type of shower. Even if you don't do anything, something about it feels refreshing. For you, it's kind of like you come home and then you don't have to be a hero. You can exist. You step into the shower and that part of yourself gets to wash away with the water. You think it might be better that way because you think Jason's issue is that Robin has become so embedded in every part of him, he doesn't know how to fully separate himself from it. And while you adore him, you don't want that.

You watch him and you listen to him scream in the middle of the night. He doesn't deserve it and you don't want that either. So, you separate yourself from it and when you’re here, during the day and after patrol, you are not a hero. You’re you.

Jason has found himself in the bathroom with you. It's a routine you’ve gotten into. One of you showers while the other one brushes your teeth and gets mostly ready for bed. Neither of you are even entirely sure how it started but there's a sense of comfort in it. It feels normal and safe this way. Even though the Manor is probably the safest place in all of Gotham.

And Jason can see you through the frosted glass and he adores you. You’re pretty and smart as hell, you’re dramatic and funny in all the right ways. You get his sense of humor which is a feat in itself. You get him and Jason likes to be close to you. You take care of him in ways no one has ever done. He didn't think he deserved it but you do. You clean up his cuts and scrapes and never even flinch. You give him a look sometimes with the roll of your eyes and all he can do is smirk because he knows you worry but you support him anyway because it's his thing. And you rub his back and you always know when his leg hurts.

Jason thinks maybe you don't know he notices when you notice but he does because you’re always extra cautious around him. You take care of him and he's thinking it should be the other way around.

"Hey, can I come in?" Jason asks, hiding the hesitance in his voice.

Your brows furrow but you’re not about to tell him no. "Um...sure?" Jason hears you laugh and his body erupts with goosebumps.

He strips down and pulls the door open just enough to get in the shower with you.

You turn around, feeling the cool breeze on your skin. "What're you doing?" You ask through a laugh. He's never joined you for a shower before, not that you mind.

"Thought I'd help." Jason offers you a smirk.

Your brows raise. "With?"

"You wash your hair yet?" Jason questions and you’re watching his expression carefully and sometimes, he's really, really good at hiding exactly what he's feeling and thinking. And this is one of those times.

"Yes." You state, your eyes slightly narrowing at him.

"Anything else?"

"No." You can't help but laugh and Jason loves the way it echoes on the title walls.

"I'll wash your back for you." Jason holds his head up high and you offer him a shrug, turning around.

Jason grabs his own soap and pours some in his hands. Once his hands are lathered, he gently runs his hands over your shoulders and your entire body erupts with goosebumps, static settling into the marrow of your bones. Jason is always gentle with you, even when he's not. He's careful and tender. But, this is different. You aren't laying down together or laughing about something stupid. And he's doing this just because. And it's just so nice of him and sweet and tender. All words you think no one else would ever use to describe him. But you do.

Jason rinses his hands once he's finished rubbing the soap in and he uses his hands to start washing it away. He's careful over the scars, not wanting to put too much pressure on them but he allows himself to trace over them. He wishes you didn't have them, not because he doesn't like them, but because you shouldn't have been put through that. He'd go to hell and back to prevent it from ever happening again. If anyone deserves better in this world, it's you. It's always you.

Jason presses a kiss to the top of your shoulder and you turn your head to look at him. Your eyes are soft, brows slightly knitted together. You love how his hair sticks to his forehead when it's wet and the way his skin glistens with the waterdrops. You feel your heart start to race in your chest as he moves up your neck and you have never wanted anyone more than you want him. You think he's ruined you for anyone that could have possibly come after him. And every part of you couldn't be happier about it.

"You didn't use my soap." You whisper as Jason kisses your neck, you tilting your head to give him better access.

"Nope." Jason mutters against your skin before nipping at the base of your neck.

"Why's that?" You question, your eyes closing and you think you might suffocate under his touch. You feel him smirk against your skin, setting your entire body on fire.

"Because." Jason answers before he starts sucking a spot into your neck and he definitely does it on purpose. He likes when you smell like him.

Jason nips at the skin once more, pulling away to see the mark on your skin. And he smiles proudly to himself, before kissing the area and then kissing back to your shoulder again. You aren't sure what he's doing but you swear he could do this all night and you'd feel lucky.

Lucky is not how you have felt, ever. There have been moments where you’ve realized what you had before, with your mom, was lucky. And you realize Dick finding you was also lucky. Finding these friends was lucky. Finding Jason was lucky. But, you’ve never considered yourself a lucky person. Disaster and heartbreak seem to follow you around like a magnetic tornado. But, Jason is here and he's kissing you softly and gently and he's taking care of you and for the first time, you think you might be lucky.

Lucky to have him and deserve someone like him. You’re lucky to be here with him today and for the first time, you don't let the paranoia of something bad coming, ruin this moment. Whenever something good happens to you, something bad follows but right now, with Jason, you don't have a single thought like that. Because even with you not together, you’re lucky to have him. And you know it.

You turn around, looking up at him and Jason loves your eyes. "Let me." You whisper softly, grabbing your soap from the shelf and Jason chuckles softly, turning around.

You get some soap on your hands and start massaging it into his shoulders. Jason dips his head and he really could just evaporate into oblivion under your touch. It does something so special to him that he doesn't think he can explain. But he feels wanted and cared for. You’re careful, minding the scar on his back like he did with you and you trace over it, just like he did. And you massage some of the muscle as you rub the soap in because Jason's always too tense and his back is always filled with knots.

Jason lets out a soft groan as you work out a knot under the warm water and he doesn't know how you know to do it. He doesn't know why you do it and normally that would bother him. To not have the why. But, it's you and he doesn't need to know. Because he trusts you.

You kiss his back as you wash the soap away and Jason feels exposed again but in a way, he thinks he could live like this forever. Exposed to only you. It's not so scary when it's with you. And you can feel him relax under your touch as you smile against his skin. You can always get him to relax. And you always notice.

He'll be tense, maybe he doesn't even realize it, but then you take his hand in yours or you kiss him anywhere or you put your legs on top of his and suddenly, you see him let out a breath as if he's never been able to breathe properly in his life. And his shoulders move forward just a little and he gains this half-cocked grin, every single time.

When you started this whole thing, you knew. You knew how you felt about him because you’ve always known. And you knew he did, too. You hate conversations about feelings because it's exposing yourselves to being left bleeding wide open. It exposes you to the elements of heartache and being alone. It leaves you exposed to allowing someone else to hold the hammer that could finally shatter the last remaining pieces of your hearts. And you do enough bleeding and breaking for yourselves. But, you don't need to have the conversation because you’ve always known. Even when you want to deny it because that sometimes still seems easier than allowing each other to hold the hammer.

You slide your hands up his chest and rest your cheek against his back, hugging him softly. You feel Jason vibrate as a chuckle pulls through his lungs. He rests his hands on top of yours before picking one of them up and kissing the top of it. Jason turns around and places his hands on your hips, squeezing softly and he loves how your skin is soft compared to his hands. You offer him a gentle smile as you rest your hands on his shoulders and you love the way his shoulders feel on your hands, warm and sturdy.

"You didn't use my soap." Jason states with so much warmth you swear you'll never be cold again.

"Nope." You smile up at him.

"Why's that?" Jason dips his head closer to you.

He holds your hips like they're a lifeline to hope and happiness. And he wants to hold on forever because sometimes he needs a reason to keep holding onto hope. And you, in the middle of the chaos, offer him that hope. And he wants you, he wants this, late nights in the shower with you after patrol, cooking dinner with you, doing dishes, reading and hanging out in the library with you, today, tomorrow, and every day after that.

"Because." You whisper softly, brushing your nose against his.

Jason rests his forehead against yours and closes his eyes for just a second. There's this feeling in his chest, something he doesn't think he's ever felt before. It's in his chest and his stomach and seeping into every crevice of his brain. It's in his blood and bones and knees. It's warm like a campfire and thrilling. It's like lightning struck his entire body and this vibrating, burning feeling is the aftermath. He feels so happy. And instead of butterflies in his stomach, it's more like lightning bugs coming out during the first warm day of the year. Flickering with light and warmth, glowing. A reminder that the cold days are only temporary and it will be warm again. It's easy and subtle and calming. And scary and thrilling and exciting and happy. It's everything all at once. He doesn't know exactly what that feeling is, what the vibrating in his bones is or the weakness in his knees is, but he knows it feels like home with you.

You press your lips to his and it's gentle and soft. The kiss is sweet as honey and Jason pulls you impossibly close to him, your chests touching. And he wants to devour you.

You snake your hands into his wet hair, giving a light tug and Jason's hands trail to your ass, giving you a squeeze. You squeal against him and Jason chuckles against your lips. And you feel his length growing between you.

You take him into your hand, pumping him slowly and eagerly while Jason bites your bottom lip. The heat grows between your thighs as the kiss grows sloppy. Jason is heaving softly against you and his right hand snakes between the two of you, teasing your hole with a single finger. Your knees weaken with the touch and you let out a soft whimper, feelings your body desperate for more.

"Eager?" Jason chuckles hoarsely against your lips.

"So are you." You quip back, pumping just the tip as you feel precum leak onto your hand, mixing with the water. Jason lets out a groan, jerking his hips forward. "You're perfect, Jay." You whisper against his lips.

Jason’s heart booms against his ribcage as his head swims with praise. His cock twitches in your hand and the only thing he wants to do is pin you against the wall and drown right into you.

"Shit." Jason mutters as you pump him quicker, squeezing more at the tip before going back down the shaft.

Jason slides a second finger into you, you letting out another moan. His palm brushes over your clit with every pump and it’s like a bolt of electricity every single time. Your breath hitches as you feel Jason smirk against your lips. His fingers curl into you further, gaining an eclectic moan from you and he loves the way your moans sound reverberating against the walls.

"C'mere." Jason mutters pulling his hand away as you let out a whimper from the lack of contact.

Jason grabs your hips and turns you around so you’re facing the wall. Jason lines himself up with her gaping hole as you place your hands on the wall for security. Jason slides in with ease thanks to your wetness and the water spraying down on you. Jason starts pumping into you softly and then firmly. Your moans grow louder. Jason grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling you up to him.

"Shh, don't want Bruce to hear." Jason's voice is graveled and you whimper, eyes rolling back.

"Jay." You let a quiet whine. "More."

There’s a snicker that falls from Jason’s throat and it’s rough and warm against your skin. Jason is nothing if not a tease in more ways than one.

Jason particularly likes these situations where he can get you to nearly beg him to fuck you. It sends his entire body into a lust-filled frenzy, taking all of his self-control not to completely lose it.

"What was that?" Jason asks, a snicker lingering in his voice.

Your voice catches in your throat, a whine falling from your lips as Jason's thrusts stall. You buck your hips back, trying to get more contact, trying desperately fill every part of you. Jason lets your hair go, gripping your hips tighter so you can’t move.

"I didn't quite hear you." He teases and you want to bite the smirk off his lips you knows he's wearing right now.

"More, Jay." You get out through gritted teeth. “Please.”

Jason chuckles, pulling out and slamming into you. "Anything for you, princess."

Jason pumps harder, fast, and deeper into your gaping hole and you can feel yourself about to unravel. Jason can feel it with the way your pussy clenches around his cock with every thrust. He reaches his hand down to circle your clit.

You let out quiet gasp before it turns into a near pornographic moan. Tears brim your eyes as the pit in your stomach grows thicker and heavier. Your body feels like it’s on fire while your hands almost try to grip the slick tile wall. Jason moves his free hand to your mouth, him still pumping eagerly into you.

“C’mon, babe,” Jason’s voice is low and raspy, hot and lust-filled. “Wanna feel you cum on my cock.” Jason nips your neck.

You mutter against his hand as your eyes roll back in your head, bolts of electricity ripping through your body. Your knees shake as your teeth sink into Jason’s hand. Jason lets outa hiss as his thrusts become sloppy and erratic.

He feels himself nearing his own orgasm and he quickly pulls out, spraying into the shower and down the drain. His chest heaves as he hangs his head, the high lingering around him as you turn around. You offer him a lazy and lust-blown smile. Your breathing is ragged but you do adore him with every piece of you.

Jason’s pupils nearly cover every piece of green in his eyes but there’s a delighted and tender smile on his lips. You watch his chest rise quickly, the water highlighting every raised and toned muscle on his torso. His hair sticks slick to his forehead and there’s just something about him that makes you feel alive.

"Can I wash your hair?" You ask bluntly and Jason lets out a booming laugh.

He looks back at you, brows raised. "Really?"

You shrug. "Yeah, of course. I like your hair." There’s a wide, toothy smile on your face as your eyes are hopeful and lively.

Jason shrugs one shoulder, a delicate smile pulling his lips up. "Sure." He chuckles before washing his hands under the water.

The next morning rolls around and you make sure you’re up earlier than usual, before Jason. It's his birthday today. You wanted to make sure you could grab his presents and be back in his room before he wakes up. So, you’re quiet and careful getting up and heading to your room.

You grab the wrapped presents you have hidden under your bed and then you head back to Jason's room. When you get back, he's stirring awake so you hide the presents behind your back before getting back on the bed, sitting on your knees.

"Morning," Jason says groggily but he's got this lazy and tired smile that makes you melt.

He's so confused. You’re smiling and the morning sun peaking in through the curtains is kissing your skin in just the right ways. You look so beautiful. But you are never up before he is, not when it's not because of a nightmare. Yet, here you are, smiling and beaming and he can't even imagine why.

"Good morning, happy birthday, Jay." You bounce slightly on your knees and Jason lets out a tired laugh.

"Thank you." He shakes his head, grabbing his phone from the charger and checking the time. "You woke up early for that?"

"Yes." You nod your head once and you feel the nervousness flood your veins. "It's your birthday, of course, I did."

"It's not a big deal." Jason lets out a scoff and his birthday has never been a big deal. He was lucky if anyone even remembered besides himself.

"Yeah, it is." You state confidently. "I got you some stuff." You safe softly as Jason sits up.

"You fucking got me something?" Jason questions, trying to figure out when you would have done that and how.

You give him a shy smile, reaching behind you and grabbing one of the presents. "Of course, I did." You hand it to him and it's wrapped in metallic red wrapping paper and Jason can't help but think it matches his suit. You did it on purpose.

He takes the gift softly from you and you watch him nervously, waiting to see if he likes it. Jason's heart stops as he opens a first-edition Frankenstein that's in a clear display case box. He looks to you with wide eyes and he never expected this. He doesn't own first editions. He's never asked because he's so worried he'll ruin them but you wrapped it in a box for a display. How the hell did you even know that? And he's only read it to you once and you knew it was one of his favorites.

"A first edition?" There's a softness in his voice as if he's unsure how to react.

You nod softly. "I asked Bruce for help but yeah." You reach behind you and grab the other one. "Here."

After dinner a few weeks ago, you followed Bruce into the living room to ask for help in getting Jason a few things for his birthday. You hate even having to ask but you knew nothing about getting first editions of books or money to get those first editions. But, Bruce was really nice and actually seemed happy to help.

"You didn't have to." Jason shakes his head, his grip on the case light, careful not to smudge it.

"I know but I wanted to." You shrug your shoulders softly and you think he deserves the entire world.

Jason shakes his head and opens the next present. This time, it's a first edition of Pride and Prejudice wrapped the exact same way and he just doesn't know how you knew that. How you knew these two books and also to put them into display cases. No one's ever paid such close attention to the things he likes, besides Bruce.

"Another one!?"

"I know you really like those books. You're a fast reader but I see you with Frankenstein and Pride and Prejudice often enough to know you really like them. And they're two of the books you have two copies of." You point to the corner of his room where he has his bookshelf. "Also...uh....there's more." You say with hesitance and you reach behind yourself, grabbing two thick sheets of paper and you hand them to him with shaking hands. "I made those for you."

Jason's entire face softens as he looks over the first one. It's like a scrapbook page, like what you showed him to do. But this one has what looks like torn pages from Frankenstein, his favorite exerts and quotes. There are pictures from the movie and Jason just blinks at you before moving the second one. This one is the same but for Pride and Prejudice and he is so confused but he feels so important and he can't even begin to understand it. He just doesn't know how you knew all of that about him without him ever having to tell you.

"How the fuck did you even know?" Jason's voice is breathy. "My favorite lines and shit?"

"When I saw you had two copies, I looked in them and saw you annotate one like a fucking nerd," You give him a smirk. "So, uh, I did not destroy a book. I just used Photoshop and made the book page images using your quotes and stuff you had underlined and had notes next to.” You explain, the nervousness growing in your stomach because you can't tell if he likes them or not.

"Why would you do all this?" His brows are pulled in a tight line, no smirk or grin across his face and you’re thinking maybe you overstepped.

You know you both cross the friend boundary all the time. A part of you wants to stop saying you're just friends when someone asks at this point. But, you are and you’re wondering if this was too much. But, he means the world to you and he struggles with himself. You just want him to know he's important to you, everyday.

"Because you're my favorite person." You suck in a breath. "And this is the day the earth was blessed with your insane presence." You laugh softly. "You deserve it."

"Thank you." Jason looks back to the pages and he thinks this must have taken a lot of time and planning.

He thinks this must have been something important to you to make because you don't show anyone your scrapbook stuff. But, you made this for him. He's not sentimental, but he swears he'll hold onto this for the rest of his life.

"Do you like—"

"Yeah! I fucking love it, thank you, I'm serious. I'm gonna frame these ya know?" Jason lets out a soft laugh, giving you a teasing grin.

You feel heat running over your cheeks. "I'm glad you like them, Jay."

Jason scoots closer to you and puts his hand under your chin. "Thank you." His voice is soft before he presses a kiss to your lips and you want to live here forever. His birthday might be your favorite day of the year.

"How do you remember all of this shit?" Jason pulls away, scanning your face.

"Because it's important to you." You state so casually and Jason is so shocked he can't find any words. It's as if it were the easiest sentence you ever said. "It matters to you so it matters to me."

That feeling in his chest is back. It’s coming at him in full force like a wrecking ball. Banging and pounding against every bone in his body. He’s sitting down but he swears his knees are weak and his head is foggy. His chest is on fucking fire but the only thing he feels right now is a tender and comforting type of warmth.

"Thank you." Jason pulls you into him and kisses you again and he thinks this is the only thing he wants to do for the rest of his life. With you.

prev. chapter | next chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

A/n: I promise I’m getting to the angst lol But because I know what I wrote for that and what I have planned, I’m giving you guys a lot of fluff on purpose lol but I’m excited to get there which is why I’m combining chapters lol

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @anthemabby // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover // @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou

#jason todd x reader #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #jason todd x yn #petrichor #jason todd smut

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goldenhaz · 2 years

Note

Hi! I'm new to your blog and i dont really know the rules for requesting but i saw that you wanted requests so could you maybe do jj maybank with a routledge! reader who's really smart sorta like pope? Thanks (p.s its totally ok to say no if you dont want to :) )

YES HI HELLO WELCOME!! This idea is one I’ve actually had in the back of mind of doing, so I’m super happy you suggested it! Sorry it took me so long! I’ve been writing up and editing all the requests I’ve been sent! I want to make sure they live up to all of your expectations ☺️ hope you enjoy this one :))

Warning(s): none

Summary: JJ loves watching how smart his lover acts, especially when outsmarting Pope.

Einstein

“Y/N it is not that simple! If it was, don’t you think scientists would’ve figured out how to create the waves themselves?” Pope argues, earning an eye roll from Y/N.

“We ourselves make waves, we create the orbiting water molecules just like any water nature has.”

JJ had just arrived at the Chateau on a late Thursday evening, hearing his beloved lover and Pope arguing about something that most likely didn’t matter.

JJ has walked inside and greeting John B and Kie with their handshakes, watching as they didn’t take their eyes off the two debating on the couch. He adjusted his hat as he made his way over to sit next to Y/N.

“What’s tonight’s debate about?” He jokes, earning a loud shush from Y/N.

“Okay, but think about the how the crest of a wave forms,” Y/N starts. “It’s based off of the Orbital path that the water molecules create, therefore the more molecules that orbit the bigger the wave will become. It helps build and create the energy to water when it begins to peak.”

They all watch Pope roll his eyes. “Nobody said that Scientists haven’t figured out a way to create waves. Some water parks have wave pools designed to create a certain wave length, and there’s even outdoor places where they’ve made lakes have surf able waves.”

“What does that have to do with the ocean?” Pope asks.

Y/N facepalms. “So if they can create wavelengths that can match real orbital molecules, what makes you think they can’t do it for parts of the ocean?”

Pope sighs in defeat, knowing that they’re arguing will get neither of them nowhere.

Y/N lets up a small smirk, leaning back against JJ as everyone watches Pope debate on pushing further. “Before you say anything further, it’s based off of physics. Waves are science and mathematics. Just gotta figure out the equation to make it work.”

“And what’s the equation exactly?” Y/N’s brother asks across the room,

As Y/N was about to answer, Pope interrupts her. “Easy. It’s going to be X(y,t) equals A cosign and then two pi over the time period multiplied by two pi over the wave length plus or minus zero. In parentheses.” Pope answers, proud of his equation before looking back to the Y/H/C one who was content in JJ’s arms.

Y/N shook her head and hit her tongue, JJ placing a kiss on the corner of the mouth, and wrapping his arms fully around Y/N’s waist to pull his lover onto his lap.

“What? Is it wrong?” Sarah buds in, Pope letting out a sound as if saying he was questioning if he was wrong too.

“Yes, it is wrong actually,” Y/N states, earning a shocked snort from Pope.

“I’m never wrong, I could do that equation in my sleep.” He says, watching as Y/N’s head shakes.

“Well then that shows that you need to sleep less and learn it more,” earning a bunch of howls from their friends.

“It is actually first off going to depend on the height and the length of the waves. It could switch up at anytime. But the average equation is known as Y, which would be the vertical height, with X and T in parentheses next to it equaling and equation of A, which is the height of the wave, multiplied by Cosign. And in parentheses next to that is where it would be two pi over the wavelength multiplied by X, which is the horizontal position of a wave, added or subtracted by two pi again over the time period per wave times T, which is the frequency, added or subtracted by zero.” Y/N explains as if it’s as easy as two plus two, looking at everyone who looked back in awe and shock.

Pope just groans and rubs his hand over his face, nodding as a signal of saying Y/N’s equation was right.

JJ looked down at his lover, completely astonished by the smarts that left Y/N’s mouth. Dare he say it made him feel turned on.

“Holy fuck, how did you know that by fucking heart?” John B asks, Y/N just shrugging.

“I love learning equations, what can I say?”

John B shakes his head with a laugh. “You really got dad’s smarts, that’s all I have to say.” Making the rest of the group agree and laugh.

They all had decided to switch the subject and talk about more chill things, JJ and Y/N in their own little world as they had their own conversation.

John B announced that the crew and him would be heading to Kie’s parent’s restaurant for a late dinner, asking if the lovebirds wanted to join.

“Nah, I want to hear more of this smart equation talk,” JJ says, a smug tone in his voice which earned him a pillow smack to the head by John B.

“Careful what you say about my sibling when I’m in the room, Maybank. Or I may have to kick your ass.” He warns, earning a middle finger from Y/N as the two watch their friends pile out of the Chateau.

Once they were in the clear of the group being gone, JJ immediately picked up and threw Y/N over his shoulder and made his way to the extra bedroom.

He shit the door behind him as he ignored the whines and laughs from the young Routledge before throwing the both of them onto the bed with JJ on top.

“That’s quite the sexy talk you’ve going on, baby.” He praises, placing kisses along Y/N’s collarbones and neck.

Y/N let out a gasp at the contact with a short laugh near the end. “I always find it kinda embarrassing when I know a lot.”

JJ’s head perks up at the answer, a smirk coming to his lips. “I find it hot. You’re like an Albert Einstein.”

He watches as Y/N’s lips curl up into a smile. “How hot?”

“You’re about to find out.”

#fluff #outer banks #obx cast #obx fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank fic #rudy pankow

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pastafossa · 1 year

Note

how long did it take for your fanfiction to start getting some recognition? did you "advertise" it or "promote" it in any way?

i know that people say this doesn't matter, but i feel like even if you love writing the feeling that you're just talking to yourself gets pretty exhausting at some point. so i'm not talking about having thousands of readers but rather like. what's your advice to have readers at least?

- someone who hasn't even started writing their ideas yet...

LONG POST INCOMING.

First I want you (and everyone else reading who may be struggling with this) to know I'm absolutely with you and generally think 'it doesn't matter' is a horseshit answer. It's this weird thing we do in fanfic that we generally don't apply to other artforms that I've seen. If you're a painter, a playwriter, a novel writer, and you say, 'I want at least a few people to love my paintings, I want some people to come see my play, I want my novel to be published and do at least ok' we all support them, we nod, we agree, we talk about how they can do that successfully. It's considered normal to want some amount of success. But hold up fanfic instead and it becomes, 'how dare you want that praise, you're being egotistical, you should be writing only for yourself'. I'm not saying you can't do that - there are some who do - but it's definitely this bizarre switchup to say there's this single artform in which we can't want attention on our work and that there's something wrong with us if we do. That can be an absolute creativity killer depending on what kind of writer you are (hi, extrovert writer here who only gets writy writy juice from social interaction - aka comments and discussion. So I totally get it being exhausting just doing this on your own).

So let me say this categorically: you're allowed to want things. You're allowed to want kudos, comments, and hits. You're allowed to want messages and asks. You're allowed to want some readers you can talk with about your story.

You. Are. Allowed.

Ok, now that that's out of the way.

Edit: more below the cut cause I didn't realize the length of this on mobile

TRT definitely didn't get popular overnight. The first four chapters were sporadic, and then I took a hiatus due to life things for a couple years. During that time, it kept slowly ticking up bit by bit on AO3, with occasional comments. Iirc it was hovering somewhere around 700 kudos by the time I came back in Jan 2021 - and that's a awesome! It's big! But it's also a number that was gained over a few years, to put it in perspective. It absolutely took off after I came back though, and over the past 2 years both TRT's popularity and the stats of my one-shots in the fandom have grown. Part of that's just the time frame (TRT's been up about 6 years), but it's also due to a couple things that I think built up TRT's popularity.

Building a tumblr presence was huge. Ironically I didn't really intend to do it for advertising; I just wanted a place readers could ask questions or we could all freak out about Matt or I could post some drabbles or updates on the fic. But considering the fact that AO3 and tumblr are the top fic sites online, I wound up promoting my fics unintentionally just by being a friendly, happy tumblr user and fandom goer. All I did was follow the courtesy rules I knew - post stuff regularly, reblog, comment, make friends with other writers, just be friendly in your neighborhood because you love the lady with the gif flower shop on the corner or the wise old pizza maker who serves hot fandom takes all day long. I built familiarity with my writing and name by posting short fics, and by taking part in challenges and prompt lists and short requests for drabbles if I saw them, though that's something that's hard to do if you don't have time (I've got less time now, but I started this blog in the early pandemic so I had aaaaall the time in the world to write and was using it to stay sane). I tagged religiously because I LOVE tags, but that helped, too. Tumblr's search system is half broken but the half that works means people CAN find your writing even if they aren't following. Doing all this over here got me a huge boost over on AO3.

I will say that if you can have a fandom tiktok presence, there's a lot of fic reviewers, edits, and good stuff that can get your fic some readers (I've had some people do this on tiktok for TRT and it sent a surge over). I personally haven't done anything there yet, in part because while I'm on tiktok I try to keep my actual, real person accounts separate from my fic/fandom accounts and i haven't bothered to make a second account solely dedicated to the Pasta name yet.

Longfics on AO3 have the advantage in fic stats in the sense that every time you add a chapter, it gets bumped to the top of the front page and you get seen again. Eventually a lot of people will click out of curiosity. They may not, however, give you a lot of user subs or add to your other fic stats at first, whereas if you do a bunch of oneshots you're more likely to get user subs but less hits on each fic. This is a decision you'll have to make, and I know folks in both camps who built their followings using different methods on each. Either way, it helps if you're posting regularly, either in a long fic or one-shots. I call this the Stephen King method, who said he just writes a ton and throws it all at the wall, and eventually you get enough good despite the bad that you start building a following.

Learn learn learn. This is standard fic advice I always give, but it's still relevant. I think one of the reasons imo TRT has done so well is that I've spent a lot of time over the years learning how to write and edit - I read a ton of books (sometimes just to figure out HOW good authors structure their stories), I took a lot of English classes, I've taken some creative writing courses in my spare time. That two year hiatus was heavily spent doing a lot of research and practice around an original novel I want published one day. And I used ALL of that in TRT, just to see what it was like to put it all together. Be hungry for knowledge, be hungry to learn. The more you learn, the better your fic will be, and the more people that will click.

That learning also includes a looooong string of fanfics that started at a very novice level (hello 12 year old me), to fics that were ok and did moderately well but weren't anything huge. Hell, I had a tumblr account for my previous fandoms before I wandered over to Pastafossa, and while those fics did decently, I never had the huge reaction I've gotten here. But I used each and every one of those fics to learn and grow and adapt. Treat your own fics the same way. If it doesn't get hits, try to learn from it before moving on to the next idea a little wiser and a slightly better writer than before. There will always be people who start to follow you along the way.

A small one, but important: I swear to god, do not shit-talk yourself. Not in the summary, not in the tags, not in the A/Ns. I'm not talking, 'this is my first fic!' That's fine. I mean trashing your own work. Shit like, 'ha ha this sucks, it's terrible but oh well' will absolutely lower your stats, because people will believe you and will ditch your fic. On top of that, it's just mean to yourself, and as I said above, you want to be a good person in the fandom neighborhood. That means not breaking the windows of your own house.

People generally think of summaries as a side note, but a shitty summary can absolutely tank your stats. Treat it like the rest of your fic - this is the trailer before the movie, and it's a huge element of what gets people interested in the first place.

Lastly, like I said at the top, the biggest factor is time. There are people who post one fic and explode in popularity, absolutely. But far, far more little followings are built on the bones of time, of abandoned fics, of muttering and highlighting phrases in books in the middle of the night, of trying and trying and trying until we have at last have a breakthrough and then drag that breakthrough forward with us to the next fic. TRT is absolutely one part lightning in a bottle - the biggest success I've ever had anywhere with my writing, a confluence of fandom factors and world events that gave people (and me!) time to write and read. But it's also standing on the back of whole lot of fics I wrote that look like everyone else's: ones with no comments, low interaction, insults; ones where I had precisely zero idea of what I was doing, but wanted to try anyway. And the way I got through that, as a writer who needs interaction in order to create, was by building friendships in fandom so that even when a fic didn't do all that well, I still had friends I could talk to about the characters, the world, the fandom itself. I asked friends to look them over and give advice. I had friends being my cheerleaders. And if you're an extrovert like me, or just a writer who needs that to create, then those connections are vital as you build up a following.

That's a lot of what I've done. I know there are other ways to build a following, but this is generally what I've done, what I've learned to do, and it seems to have worked. Just remember that there are no bad fics - just learning opportunities. Learn something, and that fic's a success, and work as hard as you can to make those fandom connections to carry you through the process.

I absolutely hope to see your work around one day, so that I can be on of those followers!

#writing advice #fic advice #fic tips #building a following #fanfic #fic #writing tips #tbh i was shocked and still kind of am by how popular trt's become #because i have had ZERO previous experiences in my fic writing time that aligned #BUT #there are absolutely things I did in hindsight I think that helped a ton #and all of the practice and writing fic including the ones with zero interaction helped #i learned how to be a good fandom goer even when i didn't write #because i genuinely loved my little neighborhoods #and i used a lot of that when i started writing again cause why wouldn't i???#also avoid petty fandom drama you don't need to waste your energy on it #i WANT my blog to generally be a positive space cause i've got shit going on elsewhere and i don't need more #but that also means i think that people like wandering through cause they know there's a lot of happy things here #be the person in the neighborhood watering your daisies and putting out a rainbow pinwheel even when ted down the block #is feuding with susan up the block over the height of ted's fence

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jinchuls-moved · 5 months

Text

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

#you don’t have to reblog or anything #this is more for me n my mutuals #sorry #can retire the definitelynotecho blog i made entirely to piss off kaze on her bday

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eideticmemory · 6 months

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I’m the op of that Reddit thread that you and your little followers loved discussing. I just LOVED finding out from my friend that my thread was being discussed here. I loved it even more that details I shared in a PRIVATE message were posted and discussed publicly. Like wtaf? Although some details were changed or completely fabricated, like I couldn’t go to work? WHAT? 🤣 I guess this was my karma for posting such detailed things about Matthew? And for the record, this in fact DID happen and we’re still hooking up. Nice to know that someone I spoke to privately on Reddit was a mole for tumblr though 👏👍

oh. this is…okay. well, you did post these things to a public forum. a forum which a lot of tumblr users are also present on. ppl have always felt comfortable sending me blind items like this and we shoot the shit. it’s nothing serious. you will see that i never said i don’t believe you. matter of fact, i’m on your side! i read your thread when it was posted a YEAR ago and i shrugged it off because I BELIEVED YOU. you think i read that and said, “my 40 y/o raised mormon, unmarried celebrity crush with no children and severe attachment to his mother would NEVER do that”? NO! i’m a realist and i am a GIRL’S GIRL before i’m a fan. so when i hear a woman say a man did her wrong, i believe her. matthew being the man in question never made a difference. i want better for you. i want better for you than to be on reddit and tumblr, feeling the need to defend yourself for the simple use of this man’s name. i want you to keep it to yourself that you still fucked him after he ghosted you because holy fuck…it’s not a good look. i want you to live in your truth and do it genuinely. i understand wanting to shit talk a man (one of my favorite hobbies, honestly) and idc that you called him out. but THIS. THIS entire thing you’ve got going on is not a good look and i hate that for you. i am sorry that matthew hurt you in the past and that people have broken your trust by coming to tumblr, but none of those people are me. myself and my blog are not the place to heal your frustrations and i do not accept accountability for them. all i can ask for you is to please, please, please get off these forums and go! fuck! matthew! please! if i could, i would be doing it RIGHT NOW. we all would! and you apparently CAN! so why argue??? go! go!!!!!!!!! i won’t post about this anymore.

edit:

and take her with you! ✌️ just terrible vibes, we don’t do that here.

#answered

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prolix-yuy · 1 year

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Writers' Iron Chef #9: My Everything and Beyond

[PROMPT] Song lyrics from Leon Bridges’ “Beyond” “Do you think I’m being foolish if I don’t rush in?

I’m scared to death that she might be it That the love is real That the shoe might fit She might just be my everything and beyond”

[TIME LIMIT] Optional, 10 minutes prep. time 30 minutes writing time Optional, 10 minutes editing time

Pairing: Marcus Pike x F!Reader

Rating: T, some angsty Marcus, overthinking galore, lotsa sweetness. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ so MINORS DNI.

Summary: He's never named the feeling in his chest, but it's as much a part of him as he wants you to be,

Notes: Written for Writers’ Iron Chef Prompt 9.

To ease myself back into writing after the holidays, here's a little fun with Marcus. I am a classically trained overthinker, so I thought it would be fun to see Marcus trying his darnedest to not keep making the same mistakes. I love these prompts as little writing warmups, and while this one got a little belabored in the metaphor it definitely got my wheels turning! Thanks to @writersironchef for always giving the best prompts!

He was wrong before, and that’s what scares him now. This twisting, aching, anxious feeling scrambling in his chest is so close to what he felt for Teresa, but with sharper teeth. Claws that scrape and dig between his ribs. And words that drift up and past his ears like steam from an unattended teapot ready to burst into song.

You love her.

But Marcus doesn’t know when to trust that voice anymore. Every time it’s hissed softly into his hopeful ear his heart took the damage. College girlfriend who balked at his promise ring. A wife gained, a wife lost. Another proposal dashed to bits on the cold concrete. This feeling is a liar, a trickster that beats against its confines no matter how hard Marcus tries to ignore it.

When you looked at him for the first time, more than the passing glance he waited for every morning, it tapped tentatively against his sternum.

When your morning greetings grew from “Hello Marcus!” to “I wish you never told me about The Subject was Roses, I cried for an hour after. You better have lunch free to talk about it!” it skated up his spine like ascending notes on a xylophone.

And finally, after six dinners at the same terrible Chinese place between your apartment when he admitted he wished all of them had been dates, it dug its claws into his chest and held still for a breath.

But when you smiled over the lip of your beer, and said “Haven’t they been?” it roared.

Falling in love was Marcus’ true profession, but was he ever lousy at staying employed. Not for lack of trying, and after Teresa he realized maybe for an abundance of trying. So with you he wrestles the tremors of excitement back. He’s going to play it cool, play it slow. Dampen the voice that begs him to kiss you, hold you, tell you every little thing he wants and desires and what he’ll do to give you the world.

He’s going to do it right this time.

But every time he tries not to linger on your touch, he finds his hands ghosting over your skin. Your teases set his face ablaze, needing to take several laps around the office to regain his composure. And the last few times he’d watched you mount your steps, saying goodnight with a beat longer than necessary before heading inside, he wanted to follow.

He knows he’s getting close to trouble now. The worst part is how much you’re stoking this feeling, and how hard it's becoming to resist. All he wants to do is quell the ache ponging around his stomach, but your last moments each night are spent obsessing over whether now is the time to kiss you. And if it is, can he stop once he’s started?

You’re starting to notice, and it’s only making it worse. The pendulum has swung too far in the other direction, and now Marcus is positively glacial in his courtship. Thinking about it makes his jaw ache, the twin desires of tell her everything and don’t scare her off become a torturous purgatory of his own devising.

Tonight the air is crisp, and you’re walking closer than usual. He took you to a cozy Mediterranean place this time, the vegetal spice of oregano and grape leaves still dancing on his tongue. You’d slipped your hand into his, tucking both into his overcoat pocket and the closeness makes the feeling rabid.

You love her.

I like her. A lot.

Tell her you love her.

I’ll scare her away.

Tell her you need her.

Stop it.

Kiss her kiss her taste her take her.

Marcus barely realizes he’s climbed the steps with you before he’s there, your hand still in his and your smile soft on your lips. He’s at a loss, all the words he’s warring with trapped in his throat.

“I…” he manages to croak out.

“Marcus,” you interrupt, opening your front door. If he could just focus for a moment, concentrate on the perfect arrangement of words to let you know how he feels without being too much, too fast, too soon.

“What are you waiting for?”

Your question quells the feeling for the first time in…Marcus isn’t sure how long. But it finally settles, like a feral cat come to love its home. And Marcus finally breathes.

“For you,” he says, chasing your smile as long as you’ll let him.

END

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#marcus pike x f!reader #marcus pike x you #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x female reader #the mentalist fanfiction #the mentalist fanfic #lissie's writers' iron chef #iron chef 9

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obedienttransgirl · 10 months

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Hello everyone. My name is Amber. I am a 31 year old closeted trans girl. Due to circumstances within my life, I am sadly not in a place where I can be able to transition and live as my true gender. I suffer with depression that I have been living with ever since I was a kid due to being born in the wrong body, OCD, and some trauma from my childhood. I wanted to create this blog so it can be a place where I am able to be myself and not have to pretend to be a man, as well as a way to escape from crushing reality of my life. This blog will contain a mixture of my interests and hobbies, expression of my femininity, and to engage with my kinks.

Before I created this pinned post I used to engage with some kinks that….. well I’m not really proud of. They felt really good and aroused me, and I don’t think I’ll ever get rid myself of desire to engage with, the fact is they made me feel worthless and made me even more depressed. I think I was using them as a form of self destruction because I don’t really like myself that much but no matter how much they turn me on it only made me feel worse about myself. So I went through my blog to delete posts I made or reblogged and unfollowed tags and other people who engaged in those kinks as well. In a way I’m hoping to make a fresh start to my account. If there happened to be people who followed me explicitly for those types of posts I am truly sorry but I no longer wish to take part in those kinks. I think that’s most of what I wanted to say so I’ll finish this post off with a little info about me.

Interests: Video Games, Anime, Metal Music, Alt and goth aesthetic, and cute kitties and cats

Sexuality: I’m bisexual and 100 percent a submissive bottom

Kinks: Gentledom, feminization, mind control/hypnosis, Bimbofication/dumbing down, having someone take control of my life, tell me what to do and to make all decisions for me because they know what’s best for their good girl better than I do. Basically I want to be someone’s obedient good girl pet. And also I love degradation(within reason) and I have a misogyny and patriarchy kink

Hard Limits: Pain play, hardcore degradation ( I like degradation to a degree, like telling me I’m a dumb slut that needs to submit to a man is fine for example, but I don’t like being told that I’m worthless, or disgusting or being told no one will like a freak like me or similar extreme degradation) ,homo and transphobia, pedos, misgendering, and no matter what, never ask me where I live. Other than what country I live in I will never disclose my location. Anyone violates my hard limits and I will immediately block you. Edit: I am personally ok with the term sissy. Most trans women are not and for good reason but I am ok with it but with limits. I am not a sissy fa**ot. I am not a sissy boy or boi or whatever. I am a woman, and if you want to call me a sissy girl that’s fine. But I am not a gay boy, femboy or whatever kind of other boy you can think of. I am a trans woman that happens to be ok with the term sissy. Please respect that.

One last thing, I would love to roleplay as a pet but I will never meet anyone in person nor will I talk via voice chat or show pictures of myself. I am not ready for that and I just can’t do it. I have severe social anxiety due to childhood trauma and I can’t go any further than text chat. I will also never do tributes. If you are under 18 years old, LEAVE THIS BLOG IMMEDIATELY!

I am not looking for masters or mistresses. I’m a closeted trans woman and for now I need it to stay that way.

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unhappytimeleaper · 1 year

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hello this is that anon that request about shu × reader last time... since request is still open can I request eichi × gn!reader too if I can still ask from the yandere alphabet and the letter would also be his name for easy writing, have a great day... sorry for the disturbance ^^

Word Count: 3,300+

I genuinely don’t know how I feel about Eichi,, I both love and hate him so much. Also random fact he has my favorite solo song out of all of them so if you haven’t heard it this is your demand to go do so. Also these aren’t in order of his name because some need to reference the letter before them.

Also I forgot how to write. Not sure how good this is, I started it months ago and then stopped writing because sad hours and then finished it yesterday + quick edit so it might be all over the place.

Tenshouin Eichi; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

Warnings; yandere content, isolation, blackmail, hospitals/medical issues mentioned.

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Eichi is painful to acknowledge as he really doesn’t have any boundaries when it comes to rubbing in your fate. See, for one, you wouldn’t necessarily be abducted or kidnapped but threatened to go with him, a note that you can’t refuse as Eichi is willing to hit you anywhere it hurts the most. Threatening your friends or family, sabotaging your career/education, creating a feeling that you’re never truly alone... anything is game for Eichi to blackmail you into coming with him. Expenses aren’t a problem. It’s something you could expect from the start to be wary about. Not that he would become so intense with love, but knowing that he is someone who is manipulative, who does whatever he wants to maintain what he wants for his own ideal. Eichi is powerful and dangerous; it’s one of the first things you would learn apart when working at the company, and he doesn’t hold back to get what he wants. I mean, just remember how he tried to forcibly get Trickstar to disband when he started seeing them as a threat to the student council. Or the known damage he did during the war without remorse, still holding firm to his beliefs is the right thing for the long term. It is a painful reminder that he feels no guilt for what he did to you, no matter how loving he acts in the long term. No matter how much he plays the loving boyfriend, the one who only wants the best for you that he is in charge of everything.

No, Eichi isn’t one to mistreat you. You are taken care of and given the best clothing, food, room, access to hobbies, and care. It’s a life many would be jealous of, and for most people, even if given a chance to complain, would scoff, acting as if you’re in the wrong. Why are you complaining— you have a loving, handsome partner who treats you right [at least the public thinks so] with the only thing to worry about are the roles of a stay-at-home spouse. You have everything taken care of to the point you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life. What stings more is Eichi just as much likes to reiterate this logic, although he doesn’t shelter you from his poor intentions. He doesn’t try to lie that he blackmailed you into this, and to a point, even accepts if you dislike him because of this. He doesn’t even purposefully mock you, although he might as well with his comments on the situation.

Something else is that Eichi only takes away certain privileges if you are cruel to him or disobey the few rules he sets in place. It is good to establish what Eichi wants most is a monopoly over your attention and time. He doesn’t want to cut you off from everything, perhaps limit it but by no means does he remove you from the world unless necessary. This could be you being cold to him, showing favoritism to someone else, trying to convince others to help you, etc. Eichi also wants you to play the role of someone in a genuine relationship with him. Cooking for him [or with him], talking with him, taking care of him, cuddling with him, giving him kisses, giving gifts, accepting dates and proposals. In a sense, Eichi doesn’t always know how to adequately express the emotions that accompany romance, yet he craves that connection that comes with intimacy and expects it. In a sense, you can take charge to predict what he wants. This also comes from feeling powerful of having you dedicate so much effort and time into a relationship with him, even if it is a sham. Of course, he puts in the same level in it for you-- just often, it feels a lot stiffer in his pursuit of it, not fully understanding how to convey how he truly feels about it all.

There are three levels of trust you can build once you’ve been ‘taken.’ The first is limited to the estate, mostly your room, or if Eichi can accompany you around the ground in other parts. If you notify him where you are, he doesn’t take issue with you in places like the study or tea room if you let him know where you are, but for the most part, it’s more comforting to just to your own space. If you try to be extremely unreasonable to his requests, he might take away your ‘rights’ to specific places in the estate or your hobbies to fill your time. During this time, it’s also common to be in the hospital with Eichi when he is admitted. However, this is mainly because he gets to be doted on by you, and it’s a great way to get time with you since work can often becomes a huge part of his time. You can interact with staff if needed, but he expects this to be left at a ‘business exchange’ rather than becoming too friendly with the nurses. The second is coming with him to concerts, often you’ll be separated from the audience and kept with staff. It’s expected to kinda be apart from them to let everyone focus on work— they don’t need you distracting them, so he tells you.

Honest, you can tell that he gets jealous if you spend too much time talking to them, once again limiting how much you speak with them about business. He doesn’t like you having much of a relationship with the other fine members either, all-knowing your situation; most of the time, they stay out of Eichi and your business, but they do often have little contact with you when you attend events [although it’s mostly Wataru who you speak with as Tori doesn’t care and Yuzuru doesn’t have any reason to interact with you outside of basic pleasantries]. Most of the time at concerts, you are left in the room where they get ready. Eichi savoring every moment of getting to perform for you and the attention you give him before a stage. Watching from the front row, a special seat just for you. The last would be being able to come to work with him, although this would take a lot of trust on his end, and you best believe you’ll have to ham up your love for him to get to this point. Like going to stages, you are expected to have limited contact with other people and spend as much of your time focusing solely on giving Eichi the attention he wants. In reality, it was probably the worse, though, being able to attend ES with Eichi. A bitter reminder that your life is taken and left a shell of its former potential. It also gives him the most chance to rub salt in the wounds of his power over you, even more not being able to really converse with those you once called friends.

Overall, other than the time in the hospital, which is miserable for both of you [since it’s a hospital and just has a feeling of dread], it’s often not too bad if you play along with the fantasy Eichi wants. Even if you both know it’s fake. You can make it as easy as you want it; just beware, Eichi is aware of his power and knows he can make your life and those closest to you a living hell if you don’t play by his rules.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It’s hard because Eichi is both a decently vulnerable person to many while also being highly closed off, keeping his feelings so close to his chest it’s hard to believe he even has them. Plus, the level of vulnerability will be even higher, as you likely often do. Take care of him in his weak moments when he’s locked to a hospital room for days, unsure of what the future will look like. It’s moments like that which are the hardest, regardless of if you’ve fallen for him or resent him because there is a deep surrealness to seeing him in that state. That the tyrant Eichi you likely heard stories of, the rule over Yumenosaki that harmed so many, is genuinely just a sickly child who has always feared for losing the future he always wanted a chance of having, a future that could never be. All of it is more than just the present you’re facing. You can see it in his eyes that of the kid he once was and why he is this way. Eichi doesn’t need to tell you with words the vulnerability he has. It’s present every day when you see him, and in a way that sucks, it humanizes him. Pairing this with the fact Eichi never asks for forgiveness makes your heart knot itself even more with a sick confusion of emotions. Really, he never asks for forgiveness from anyone he’s hurt in the past, instead living in peace with the action he takes and does even once he’s apologized.

As for his feelings for you specifically, it’s a decent openness that is masked by his rules and blackmail. You can feel it in how much he wants a normal, domestic relationship, how he acts, and how much he wants you to play the role of a lover. Even in a few of the ways he talks to you, there is a layer where you can tell his genuine cares, which can create a layer of annoyance since there is no need for him to go through all this trouble if that’s what he wanted [though unlikely you could reciprocate after all of this]. But based on how he handled Yumenosaki, there isn’t much surprise you can have that he doesn’t just take the actual easy way but instead chooses to get you to love him through traditional courting. If anything, how much he bears his heart, either on purpose or through other means, can help play into keeping more of your freedom.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Eichi likely doesn’t like thinking too much of his future with you. Ironic as he is someone who always is thinking about the future and the betterment of the industries in the long term, pushing him to do hurtful things to others over what he deems is ‘better for the future.’ But Eichi is aware of the possible little time he has with you. He knows that at any time, it can end and that even if he wants the future, he wants with you to be long, that it isn’t guaranteed. It hurts to know that. Even bringing it up is a sore subject and makes Eichi’s mood noticeably more foul, so it doesn’t take long for you to learn to stay away from the issue. Even if you don’t care for him, I think there is a mental impact on you. Knowing that someone you are faking love for is going to die soon makes it rough for even you to acknowledge. A paradoxical birdcage in a sense; you know that, in a way, it would be freedom regardless of your feelings for him, but that doesn’t mean you want him to pass either; as mentioned before, you understand the level of why he acts this way. Because you again can feel the past and the future that haunts him, the cruelness of the cards in life he was dealt.

However, this likely doesn’t stop Eichi from daydreaming ‘what ifs’ with you. What if he wasn’t sick? What if he could do normal things, be a normal person, and not be so weak all the time? If he wasn’t in and out of the hospital. It honestly annoys him even more, and you can tell if he’s been lingering on the mindset for too long since he’ll be much quicker to become irritated. He’s never liked to dwell on the concept of what-ifs, but there is a future he wants to have. He wants to get married, he wants to start a family that he can live to enjoy, and he wants to continue to be an idol and have you to show off to the world. To have everyone know you are his and his alone. That he is so deeply in love with you that it would be his one last wish for everyone worldwide to know of it.

And to an extent, he does foresee it happening, maybe not all of it, but he has the power to make it happen. A public announcement to your relationship; sure, fans would be upset since he is in one of the most prominent idol groups, but it’s not as if anything could happen to you given the mass safety you are under, aka locked to limited locations and interactions. He can pass off the relationship as being around longer than it has, and you can play the o-so-deeply-in-love companion through blackmail. No one would doubt a thing. You should have known something was wrong when one might he offered a public date [something both of you knew was a risk due to fame and overzealous fans]. It was finally even a crumb of freedom that you almost couldn’t help but be excited about. Even worse, it was enjoyable that if your guard was barely down to start, it ultimately fell by the later hours of the day. Eichi was a shining example of the perfect boyfriend that day. He took you to all your favorite spots and chose activities he knew he could participate in but still things you loved. In a frustrating way, you couldn’t help but note the charm he naturally has that allows him to be such a manipulative powerhouse. Of course, it all came crashing back to reality when he kneeled before you on one of the busiest streets and proposed. That photos of the day likely would be circulating around online even now, and the glaring camera pointed at you. That there was no way you could turn down the heir of the Tenshouin and key idol Eichi in such a busy place— let alone given that he was the one holding all of the cards now. It was a seal of fate for your engagement. The future might not be guaranteed, nor that Eichi could get everything he dreamed of before his life ended but with you publicly tied down to him. Even if he were to pass, you’d be forever sucked, barring the title of a Tenshouin. Even once widowed, he’ll forever be a figure haunting your life from the shadows.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

As I mentioned in that last section, your worst experience as mentioned would be the day of your proposal. As, of course, part of it is what was mentioned before, the crushing feeling of letting your guard down, having a wonderful day, and then the rug being pulled out from under you. To have a feeling that this could be a turning point in the relationship for you two, that maybe you could have him drop everything that happened and work to slowly progress to being an average couple. One where you are monitored, locked up, and blackmailed into staying with him. All of it comes falling back into the reality of your situation. The power Eichi has not only as an idol but through his family and business connections. There is no way you could turn him down; worse, he knows that. That just as always, he is as manipulative to get what he wants rather than trying like an average couple in a normal relationship. It stings even more that you have to put on a joyous act, too, the lights blinding you, so all you can see is white but the feeling of the cameras searing themselves on your body. You could feel the tears rolling down your cheeks, falling in blobs against your hands, covering your mouth to control your sobs. The whispers of people, ‘is that Tenshouin, that Tenshouin Eichi?’ ‘They must be so happy; look at how emotional they are.’ ‘They look so young; it’s wonderful to find someone that special so you!’ ‘He’s so happy, how could someone break his heart…’ Salt in the wound. You have to push down the wave of nuance, choking out a yes for the crowd. If you thought Eichi fans were bad when they found out you were dating, your heart sunk in the horror at the picture of them founding out that you would reject the painted love of your life in media. As Eichi wrapped his arms around you, sliding the ring onto your finger, you only sobbed harder into his chest, mumbling about how you hated him. You hated him so much, and you know saying that would get some of your rights taken away, but what else could you do? In a moment, he kisses your forehead— a simple ‘I know.’ as the lights continue to sparkle around you.

It feels like forever until you get back to the estate, the ring on your finger weighing like a ton of bricks. The ride in the car back was silent, but everything felt like a thousand words. There was no energy for you to even be upset or want to fight him on the proposal. Even asking if this was real or just an act, you knew deep down this was real. And you knew that once this wedding went through, you’ll forever be stuck in this life, with these asinine rules and logic to appease Eichi. It doesn’t matter, even if you wanted to throw a fit and argue back against this; it would only push him into using the dirt he has on you and those you hold dear or to punish you by taking away parts of your freedom. Or that he already has the excuses lined up about how this can make it easier for you too, not just personally, as now it will be documented but consider the hospital now? Airports, finances, documentation, etc., so much will be less of a burden through marriage. You played this game long enough to know you’ll always be the first to cave. That no matter how smart, how witty, how manipulative you can be, you’re no match with him in the long game. All that was left was changing into nightwear, crawling under the sheets next to your now-fiancee, drifting between sleep.

A big reason why this is the worst as most of the other times is that as much as every other experience sucks, it becomes routine after a while. With that, it’s all so dependent on you specifically. Life with Eichi can be effortless, more than many others, because if you just play the role of someone who loves him, most things can be undeniably smooth. There can be some challenging moments, and losing pieces of your freedom is not easy, but you can still leave the house and talk to some people. That you have access to media and hobbies. Though since this experience can be so varied in how an individual can choose to act, the worst experience would likely be the proposal— it doesn’t matter how much freedom you have or pretend that things are okay because now it’s something that can’t be changed. If you choose to be rude and consistently push back against Eichi, it’s not like he’ll not go through with it. You’ll just be trapped in a single room with little to do and still engaged. Perhaps planning a wedding will give you something to do with your time. Either way, there is no way to put a positive spin on the engagement in the long term.

#enstars.leaps #yandere character #yandere writing #yandere x reader #yandere enstars #yandere ensemble stars #yandere fine #yandere eichi #enstars x reader #ensemble stars eichi #eichi tenshouin #tw: yandere #tw: isolation #tw: blackmail

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meowthefluffy · 1 year

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AU EXPLANATION MASTERPOST

Hello hello my darling followers, I’ve noticed there’s a lot of new folks here so I thought id explain all my au’s in one post and where to read them so all of you can understand what the hell I’m talking about 90% of the time!

I’m Madeline, the world’s number one producer of hyper specific prinxiety au’s and I hope you’ll enjoy what’s I’ve got in store for you!

I’ve ordered these in descending order of most content to least amount of content. Each story has a brief plot description and where to find them! All of my au’s are ongoing so even if it’s a bit old if you pop me an ask or want more content of an au I am happy to provide :)

(Explanations are under the cut)

Lust!Roman au:

First and foremost the au that started it all, the lust Roman saga! Don’t let the title fool you this is a 100% pg13 story I just named it before I thought through the consequences.

Format: This au unlike all my others is a full scale comic (that ranges in quality art wise as I’ve spent over three years on this comic and I’ve improved a lot as an artist)

It also is the au with the most amount of supplementary material ( animatics, a side ask blog illustrations ect.) As well as the only one I have that takes place in the normal universe

Summary.

Something is horribly wrong with Roman. Some thing or someone has replaced the Roman the sides know and Virgil is determined to get to the bottom of it, but he’s far closer to the center of the issue than he could have ever predicted.

TLDR: Roman goes evil mode to get Virgil to love him

Rating: Solidly pg13 , a few jokes here and there but mostly a serious emotional drama

Link to master post :

Evil king au

One of my more recent au’s but definitely a favorite of mine!

Format: Sketched Comics, illustrations and a series of asks explaining the au in bite sized chunks

Summary:

Virgil is a morally bankrupt evil king and Roman is his diligent personal guard. When Virgil eventually falls for his guard he’s convinced Roman is too good for him, Virgil is evil after all, but his guard is happy to prove him wrong. Underneath his sweet exterior Roman is just as twisted and is more than happy to serve his king.

TLDR :

Omg they are so messed up and evil but they’re gonna kiss about it

Rating: Definitely dark but has clear spots of happiness. Overall a tragedy

This au is all under the tag #evil king au so you can find everything there!

Sleeping beauty au:

A very recent au, A modern fairytale retelling, now with bonus tragedy!

Format:

Colored and sketched Comics, illustrations and asks

Summary:

Once upon a time like in many other stories a prince fell into a deep slumber, but unlike those other stories true loves kiss doesn’t come to save him. Instead the prince is awoken again in the present, hundreds of years after he was put to sleep and is has lost everything. Now he’s nothing but a footnote in history and everyone he has ever known is long gone.

And to make matters worse a man identical to the one he loved in his time is here as well, with no recollection of him at all.

But as he grows accustomed to modern life he begins to question, was any of it even real?

TLDR:

Man out of time, fairytale tragedy edition

Rating:

Overall quite sad but with a hopeful ending.

All of this au can be found under the tag #sleeping beauty au

Zombie au:

An older series but a fun one nonetheless! Also my au with the highest number of sketches comics !

Format :

Mostly sketched comics, with sketch sheets, illustrations and an animatic to supplement

Summary :

Virgil and Roman are best friends (and maybe something more) but when the zombie apocalypse breaks out the two are separated and Roman parishes.

Virgil feels extreme guilt over this, so when he suddenly finds Roman again, now fully zombified and questionably sentient he’s determined not to let him go again.

Now they must try and face off against the wasteland they’re in and survive together, hopefully…

TLDR : It takes the literal Zombie apocalypse for Virgil and Roman to get together

Rating: It has quite a bit of violence and a little bit of gore (Roman is rotting after all) with an overall melancholy tone at best

This au sadly has a very inconsistent tagging system, (I kept forgetting what the tag was when I made new posts) but check my archive tags for any variation of the tag #zombie au!

Cupid au

Format: Comics, illustrations, and asks

Summary :

Virgil is a grim reaper that works in the misfortune department of the heavenly council. Roman is the first cupid to ever be transferred to the misfortune department, and Virgil is assigned to him to keep him in check. The two get along wonderfully despite their differences, or at least right up until Virgil accidentally proposes to Roman. And Roman says yes.

By the time Virgil realizes what he’s done it’s too late, Roman is already half way through planning the wedding and Virgil would rather die than break his heart like that. Roman’s just so happy and he keeps looking at Virgil likes he’s hung the moon every time they’re in the same room, and he can’t take that joy from him. There are worse people to accidentally marry, this won’t be too bad.

Right?

TLDR

LOCAL EMO ACCIDENTALLY MARRYS CO WORKER AND THEN FALLS IN LOVE WITH SAID COWORKER

(This one is one of my favorites)

Rating E for everyone, all rom-com gags and sweet moments

Found under the #cupid!au or #cupidau! Tags

Eldridge abomination au

Format Gag comics , illustrations,bullet fics and asks

Summary

Virgil moves into a new neighborhood and is obsessed with his very reclusive neighbors. He’s convinced there’s something horribly wrong with him(and he’s right but no one knows that just yet)

Now he’s determined to figure out what, so of course he has to observe his neighbor!

And if those “observation sessions” happen to be in the format of dates that is nobody’s business.

TLDR LOCAL CRYPTOZOOLOGIST OBSESSES OVER HIS MONSTER NEIGHBOR BUT HE PROMISES ITS NOT CAUSE HE’S GAY

Rating Very family friendly (it’s all gags) not including Romans whole horrible abomination monster thing which might be a bit spooky for some

Found under the tag #Eldridge abomination au

Superhero au

Format: very unfinished at the moment, it’s an older au I am currently reworking, mostly illustrations and explanation posts

Summary

Virgil is a superhero and Roman is his supervillain, but when they aren’t fighting each-other the two are best friends at school . (and also crushing on each-other HARD) shenanigans ensue!

TLDR what if the miraculous love square was good

Rating Very chill au , angsty in regards to Roman’s backstory but it’s mostly cartoon fun :)

Found under the tag #superhero au (Altho the tagging is a bit inconsistent)

Bonus au’s with not a ton of content but can still be fun to check out :

Mermaid au: I only made a few posts about this au but it can be found under the tag #mermaid au

Ghost au: This au never really took shape but it’s still a cool concept so check it out under the tag #ghost au!

Let me know what you think of my au’s if you do end up looking at any of them ! :)

#prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #zombie au #superhero au #cupid! au #cupid au #lust!roman

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yooniesim · 1 year

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any suggestions for becoming a sims based blog? I used to do it back in the hayday of sims 3 but it's been YEARS and I still absolutely love making sims, but I'm too shy and nervous to interact with the community ;;;

hi nonny! this is a complicated question that I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask lol but let me try it out. I think I'm gonna separate it into two parts for ease of reading. And sorry if it's a bit more cynical than you probably expected. I've just learned a lot i wish I had done from the start, lol. So here we go.

Sims content

Post whatever tf you feel like. If you love making sims, post the hell outta them and don't worry about what anyone thinks. There's no one perfect type of content to appeal to everyone; the community is made up of a million smaller niche ones. Editors, sim makers, gameplayers, storytellers, cc makers, etc. If you're passionate about it, you'll find people that love your posts. So don't worry too much.

Don't get too hung up on editing, if you want your pics to look "better" then use gshade/reshade and/or simple psd actions to your liking. Don't let it get stressful cos it ain't worth it. If you don't enjoy editing, don't do it at all. (I wrote more about how I edit & make it easier in this post)

Try your very best not to worry about notes. I know it's hard. Everyone wants their stuff to be seen, but when it comes to engagement on here, you're aiming for quality over quantity. A few awesome mutuals commenting on your stuff is way better than 600 silent likes. Also, having more attention sucks bc it brings the vile swamp rats out of their holes to see what shit they can stir up. The brief serotonins aint worth it. Just aim to find a few cool ppl to talk about your sims with cos thats all that matters.

If you want, find bachelor/ette or similar challenges ppl are doing and submit sims for them. And once you get some mutuals/followers, open sim requests so you can make sims for people. It's super fun and awesome to see your sims in other people's games! And you don't have to talk too much if you don't feel like it, but it's an easy way to get involved with others.

Social stuff & safety

Comment on peoples posts often if you like them. Engage with ppl. Reblog posts you see you like but don't really have any reblogs. I know you said you're shy but, this is most of the way to actual have mutuals that enjoy talking to you and comment on your stuff as well. You can just not talk if you want but it'll make it harder to have any engagement unless you're really good at edits or cc making.

Don't get involved with drama/discourse, it means nothing and amounts to nothing. If you're going to boost someone else's post, look into it first and look for evidence that it's even true before you reblog. If people hate on you in your inbox, block the anon and don't respond even to laugh at them. Block anyone that gives you bad vibes. They look at you funny, breathe wrong, use a color you don't like. Block. If anyone tries to start shit with you, block & completely ignore them & don't comment on it. It hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it, and people will move on if you ignore them.

Don't reveal any personal info about yourself on here or to anyone in DMs. Don't use your real name. Don't have anything connected to your other socials. Don't trust anyone on here with your vulnerable emotions, past trauma, etc. And don't say anything in DM you wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone else on the internet potentially seeing.

If you pledge to people on patreon, be aware that your email will show up on their end when you do. Dont use your real name as your patreon username.

If simblr is causing you stress, you feel like your mental health is suffering, take breaks. Log off or delete the app for a while.

And... I think that's all I can think of for now. If there's anything else detailed you wanna ask about feel free. But these are just my general thoughts. Good luck, nonny :)

#asks #anonymous #ceci speaks #i feel like this anon is so nice and hopeful #compared to how i sound lol #sorry if i got scary or something #😂#its really not that bad on here #if you block all the weirdos #but #keep yourself safe #all the same

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ace-sher-bi-john · 6 months

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Welcome One & All

I am new to the BBC Sherlock fandom, having only been a fan for a little over a month now. And I love it!

On this blog, I want to fill in some gaps in the market, so to speak in the Sherlock fandom. Examples of what I plan to provide are aro-spec/a-spec Sherlock headcanons, lots of Johnlock and Parentlock.

Aro/Ace Sherlock & Johnlock...

Naturally, of course I love Johnlock. It took me a little longer than it probably should have to see how perfect they were for each other, because one of the first video edits I ever watched was Sherlock Being AroAce for 12.5 Minutes. Being that I am somewhat aroace myself, I was excited to find that I related to Sherlock and that was part of what drew me into the fandom.

But at first I didn't want to ship John and Sherlock, because it kinda conflicted with my headcanon that Sherlock is aroace. If I were to put an aromantic character into a romantic relationship, that would be a bit arophobic would it not? It would make it seem like I believe romantic relationships to be superior to platonic relationships.

But then I remembered that aromanticism and asexuality have spectrums. I am on said spectrum. My personal headcanon for Sherlock Holmes is now that he is grey-homoromantic asexual. Basically, he's never been in love until he met John.

That sounds pretty cliche, but that's how being greyromantic works for some people. People who identify that way, may only ever fall in love with one person romantically. Or they may experience romantic attraction for multiple people in their lives. All being greyromantic means is that you rarely experience romantic attraction, but sometimes you do.

Still unsure of whether I want to headcanon Johnlock to be a queer platonic relationship or full blown romance.

I want to add my aro-spec and a-spec Sherlock headcanons, because I don't feel that there are enough out there. Which is sad because just as representation is important for other identities to feel seen and valid, it seems as though aro-spec and a-spec people get next to no positive, respectful, accurate representation.

This can lead to people who are aro/ace feeling like there's something wrong with them. They may have a hard time finding an identity that fits them, and may lead to them having misconceptions about said identity which lead to them feeling invalid in their own identity. It took me three years to feel valid in being aroace, but also romance-positive and desiring a romantic relationship.

But now that I have educated myself on the matter, I want to spread the information to anyone who feels they are struggling with their potential aro-spec/a-spec identity. To people who are struggling with misconceptions which make them feel invalid.

Parentlock...

Rosie is the most adorable thing to happen to these characters and it's a shame that we didn't get to see more of her on the show. It's just as much of a shame that there are next to no headcanons, fanfic, fanart, anything of her. I plan to fix that.

I have no guarantees on the fanfiction, but I do plan to write a massive AU which is mostly canon-compliant, except I rewrite the episodes and change canon to be the way I personally would have liked it to be.

In my fanfiction series, I will write the infamous duo's adventures in raising Rosie. If I ever make it that far, that is. I will be starting my series in season one, and making my way slowly to a potential full rewrite of season four. Then after I've written every era of BBC Sherlock into my story, I will write Rosie's story. From being an infant, to an adult. I am a sucker for a good Parentlock adventure, and will be writing ALL of the Parentlock adventures.

But once again, zero guarantees. I have never written a full fanfiction in my life. I've never been motivated enough, no matter how many ideas I have. Every time I sit down to write down my ideas, they just escape and my brain goes blank.

To End Things Off...

I just wanted to end this by saying that I am excited to be a part of this fandom. I am excited to hopefully become as good as everyone else at analyzing every single scene for every little detail. I hope to one day be writing the analyses that I love to read so much.

I'm probably not going to mention this again on here, but I was on Tumblr a couple years ago. I didn't have the best experience with the fandom I was in, and it took a toll on my mental health. I have been debating coming back on Tumblr, but decided that it was important to share my headcanons. I can't think of a better place to share them than here.

I won't be reblogging anything that's unrelated to Sherlock, unless it's really funny and positive and something that I need as a part of my life on this blog. On my old account, I would feel immense guilt if I didn't reblog every single serious non-fandom post. While those posts were important, I found that it wasn't very healthy for me to constantly expose myself to them.

I want this to be as mentally healthy an experience for me as possible :)

Thank you for visiting ace-sher-bi-john please enjoy your stay!

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