#(Btw you never realize how tired you are until you sleep soundly for 4 days and feel Normal again)
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Arf
#It's 🤌 the sudden realization living alone is terrible for you#My mom visited and left this morning#I was feeling so great even stopped having insomnia (that i had non stop since august)#(Btw you never realize how tired you are until you sleep soundly for 4 days and feel Normal again)#The weather is probably helping too but thats not just that#And now im alone again in the house and the minute she left i felt i was starting to drift again#Im a freelancer#I work from home so i dont even have work relationships#And depression really fuels itself like if i start being tired again if it stop sleeping again#I will be too tired to go out and i will remain Isolated#Which is pretty much what happened since august#I literally dont know how to form Solid relationships too and not just like having a nice chat with people i'll see once or twice#It's terrible bc i am Not as depressed as before so i am perfectly aware of the tools i can use and i remember feeling so strong#When i was declared 'healed' a few months back. Like it was true and i was about to seize the opportunity#But it was like; snatched from me and it IS even more depressing somehow. It was just here you know?#Idk; idk. I hope i'll keep sleeping so i can go out at least but i am really feeling hopeless and uuuh#Ill-fated?#To the point im on the verge of crying#EDIT WRONG BLOG not that it matters i just wanted to get it off my chest#Adding this too - i immediately started bad habits again. Like playing games in the evening. Bc what else is there to do when you cant '#'Parallel play' with your mom in the living room? Chill while shes watches a show#?#Just chat with her (or anyone else)?#I have no interest in watching tv on my own i just wouldnt focus except if im 200% into it#So being alone in the living room is at best boring at worst anxiety inducing. Im just there. Waiting for something#So before it becomes unbearable i hurry nack to my bedroom and check my phone or go on a game#See what i mean?
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