Uhh doodles be open

I know its been a bit iv been into other fandoms lmao but iv noticed somthing every time I make or relog a post explaining that, no, in fact the CC’s are NOT their c!characters/personas (SHOCKING! I know) and they dont get to dictate how we write these characters in fandom spaces as long as not actually about the CC’S, which yes includes shipping.

And every time without fail people go “Ah yes I agree! Unless the CC has said its against their boundaries/unless its romantic ofc”

LIKE WAY TO THE MISS THE POINT!!!

The CC’s are NOT the ones being written about!! They never get to dictate fandom spaces. I still cant believe that I could write a gore filled, horror hurt no comfort story about the ocs, or hell even the cc’s, being savagely murdered and tortured without ANYONE EVEN BLINKING, and yet people “Draw the Line” at me going ”Oh these two characters have alot of chemistry in the roleplay. I want them to kiss.” and declare me an awful or gross human being??

If you can accept that “Hey in this story this character is a god, this one is a Mob hybrid player, and oh also magic is real and these three are siblings” and know that oh obviously this is about the character the cc’s portray, then you can just leave us alone about shipping.

“But OP!" I hear you say, “The CC’s said they dont wanna be shipped!”

Let me ask you, in most questions about shipping, did people every clarify they wanted to know if they should specially ship their character and not them, or did most shipping questions go “Hi can we ask your boundaries on shipping” or “Hi is it okay if we ship you lol” or something along the lines? Becuase I can guarantee that if I was asked that question Id assume you were talkin about me and Id also say no.

Obviously though, if the fandom work/ship is actually about CC then no you shouldn't ship if they say they are uncomfy with it. There’s a difference between a character portrayed who doesn't have actual feelings vs an actual person who doesn't want to be shipped. Then obviously respect their boundaries and dont ship!! And if you come across people who do ship CCs? Still just block and move on, I can promise they will not change their minds 95% of the time. 

And for the few cc’s that did actually get asked to clarify they were talkin about their characters? Iv said it before and Ill say it again, CC’s do not get to dictate fandom spaces whatsoever, they never have, just like other fandoms dont let source material dictate these spaces either. Yes sometimes something they say can be taken into account but at the end of the day, people who do fandom works get to do what we want. CC’s are honestly more authors/actors of the characters they portray, specially in roleplay circumstances like DSMP.

Becuase if your gonna try and get permission for stuff like that, we might as well ask them permission if hey can we torture your character, hey can we make your character die to motivate another character, hey can we do this or that or this please?.... Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Would you sit and go ask the cc if this is okay before making any fandom works? No? Then neither should we about shipping.

Honestly dont try to bug CC’s about shipping characters and try and look for permission, you dont need it and most of the time CC’s just want to be left out of it or just not know as long as its not shoved in their faces.

If your worried about a CC coming across said shipping, then let me tell you something; Fandom spaces have ALWAYS been for the fans. If they come into fandom spaces and areas, and they see something they dont wanna? That's on them. Specially if its been fully labeled and tagged properly, they fucked around and found out. 

“What if they stumble across it on accident before they knew or didn't understand or, the horror, someone forgot to label something properly?”

GUESS WHAT! CC’s arnt your UwU babies who will break into little pieces when they find out their characters are being shipped. Maybe they wont like it but they’re big boys and girls and others, they can handle it themselves. I promise you they dont need you trying to speak for them, and I can also promise they’d be hella more disappointed in you harassing folks, specially if you send death threats over something harmless as shipping fictional people.

And honestly, if you dont like the idea of shipping even though its pretty established by now we arnt talking about the cc’s? THEN THATS FINE! You have every right to, hell I'm not even a huge shipper myself! I just think its cute sometimes and ill reblog it or read something with it if its intriguing enough.

And even more so, you have the ability to block! Block shipping tags and people who ship and move the fuck on, its not that hard. At this point people are pretty good at making sure shipping stays out of the main tag and has its own tags for it, so if your seeing it enough to bitch about it, it means you either followed someone who ships and that's on you, or you went searching to bitch about which is honestly a bit pathetic.

Leave people alone, make use of the block blog and block tag options, and thank you for coming to my ted talk.

And remember at the end of the day all fandom works are fiction and should not be intended, nor expected to be reflected irl.  

bts fanfic recommendations.

(hiiii, these are my favorite fics ever. i highly recommend all of them. btw these are all manxwoman bc i dont really read manxman

btwww i couldnt tag all accounts cuz for some annoying ass reason tumblr only lets u tag 50 accounts.... sorry)

kim seokjin:

dont wanna fall (m) by @9uk

sugar daddy!seokjin

love bite (m) by @taetaesbaebaepsae

vampire!y/n

these wicked delights (m) by @ditzymax

incubus!seokjin

the leather loafers by @jimlingss

cinderella au (cinderella aus are superior and ofc jimlingss is a queen. everything she writes is a 10/10)

min yoongi:

heaven’s winter (m) by @matchakoo

seraph!yoongi

2.1 out of 5.0 (m) by @minflix

black mirror au

mixtape (m) by @jungblue

baby, you can drive my car (m) by @jungshookz

mechanic!yoongi

jung hoseok:

heartbeat (m) by @joonbird

gang au (i LOVEE heartbeat so much. everybody should read it, its so good)

the worst wonderful time of the year by @lamourche

christmas au, office au

my soul to reap (m) by @readyplayerhobi

reaper!hoseok, harpy!y/n

the purge by @jungblue

purge au

distractions (m) by @dreamscript

may the odds ever be in your favor (m) by @yandearest

hunger games au, yandere!hoseok

hot rod (m) @kinktae

greaser!hoseok (yes i think its the best of all of the rewind fics. sorry bitchin' stans 😴)

kim namjoon:

a taste of heaven (m) by @joonited

(read this NOW!! its really short anyway)

runaways (m) by @littlemisskookie

nerd!namjoon (yall read all the warnings first cuz its honestly kinda fucked up 😳)

thrills found on solid ground (m) by @bibbykins

soft yandere!namjoon (even though its a yandere au its really really soft yandere, i could hardly tell tbh, and its literally so good)

castaways (m) by @rmnamjoons

desert island au (this took me so long to read but definitely worth it)

wrap it up (m) by @1997jk

the dragons lair (m) by @solastia

hybrid!namjoon

park jimin:

otherworldly (m) by @sinning-on-a-sunday

coraline au, yandere!jimin (coraline and jimin. it doesnt get better than that me thinks)

ragdoll (m) by @ausblack

hybrid!jimin

i love you by @seokjinchuriki

vampire!jimin (GUYSSS,,,,, this one is so short but fuck i love it so much.... 😭😭 i would die for vampire jimin)

chained to you (m) by @addicktjimin

fuckboy!jimin

peaches & piercings (m) by @matchakoo

cheerleader!y/n, punk!jimin

kim taehyung:

stuck with you (m) by @jungshookz

roommates au (i think the best thing about all this fic are the drabbles. they really make her characters feel so alive)

tempting (m) by @kinktae

demon!taehyung (again literally everything this queen writes is amazing!!!!!!! but im not afraid to admit that i think tempting is her best work 😌)

pretty kitten (m) by @sweetheartjeongguk

hybrid au, camgirl!y/n

worshippers of the sky by @jimlingss

greek goddess!y/n (my second favorite series ever i think. i deadass cried at the end of the last chapter purly because it was over and loved it so much)

dont ask, dont tell (m) by @jingabitch

hybrid!taehyung

the seven seas (m) by @readyplayerhobi

atlantis au

forbidden by @namjoonbby1

try my luck (m) by @drquinzelharleen

teacher!taehyung

jeon jungkook:

secrets of silk (m) by @nochugguk

camboy!jungkook

by its cover (m) by @gimmesumsuga

the devil’s change up (m) @jungblue

baseball player!jungkook

raising demons (m) by @jeonseok

demon!jungkook

énouement (m) by @littlemisskookie

mulan au

gold rush (m) by @nochugguk

track runner!jungkook (i literally was obsessed with this fic, i have read it sooo many times)

streamy (m) by @jungkookiebus

angel in darkness (m) by @icyhobi

mafia au, prostitution au

new romantics by @cupofteaguk

hogwarts au (if you like hogwarts aus,, this is a must read)

hunting a hybrid (m) by @btswrckd

hybrid!jungkook

under the moonlight (m) by @katobobato

werewolf!jungkook

the sea & the storm (m) by @jamaisjoons

sea spirit!y/n (this one is also really good, but i especially loved the ending. it deadass made me so happy)

shimmers by @boywivlove

hogwarts au

finding beauty in your darkest places (m) by @dreamingofkoo

mental clinic au

what happened in vegas (m) by @namjoonbby1

stripper!y/n

offside (m) by @daddychims

soccer player!jungkook (omg i only just realized that this is on tumblr too. ive always read it on ao3 cuz i didnt know it was on here. but im happy i can add it cuz its one of my fave fics ever and i always recommend it to my friends)

quarter quell by @chinkbihh

hunger games au, yandere!jungkook (omg someone else reminded me of this fic. and like thank u,,, cuz i literally forgot it existed. but i remember reading the first part and being in love with it so i read part 2 and now i love it even more 🥳 i highly recommend and im really existed for part 3. also everything on this account is a gem for yandere!bts fans)

jimin + taehyung:

baby, baby (m) by @hobiwonder

surrogacy au (i really love this one. especially jimin, he is so cute)

namjoon + seokjin:

zodiac (m) by @honeymoonjin

(i honestly dont even know how to discribe this one but its like soooo good.

hoseok + namjoon:

for the crown @seokoloqy

royality au (its an interactive which is so cool tbh)

ot7:

enjoy your stay (m) by @honeymoonjin

hotel!au (its been a while since i read this one but i did really enjoy it. i just really love hotel type aus for some reason)

armed to the fangs (m) by @jingabitch

vampire!bts, hunter!y/n (i actually really like how slowburn it is. im getting so tired of fics where y/n is like “i hate you guys,,, im not easy like other girls” and then jumps on their dick the next chapter lmao. but yes,,, this one is really good)

men on the 13th floor (m) by @khyunni

hotel au, ghost au (i love this one so much)

the iris hotel by @sugakookiecrumble

hotel au, horror au (again,,,, i really like hotel aus)

catalyst (m) by @untilspringdays

mafia au

oasis by @secret-kpoplibrary

hybrid!bts (yall this fic is so cute. i always reread when i want something fluffy)

all is fair in love & war by @smoljamswrites

mafia au

undecided by @nomimits7

detective au (i really love these type of aus!!)

thesis it by @xherxx

roommates au (this fic has a special place in my heart cuz i remember loving it so much that i stayed up the whole night to read it and skipped school the next day cuz i was too tired. good times)

moth to flame (m) by @bang-to-the-tan

vampire!bts (not to be controversial lol but im my opinion this is the best smut. its just sooo good lmfao. also vampire bts 😋 what else could u want)

ethereal orbit (m) by @miamorjoon

alien au (saving the best for last ofc. seriously i think ethereal orbit is my favorite fic ever. i just love it so much. also yall don’t understand how whipped i am for eo namjoon and jungkook. theyre the best. you have to read this one)

anyway thats all for now. i might update it later. i hope this helps u find new pics. btw sorry for the lack of yoongi and seokjin,,, 💔😾

Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately. 

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 

Yours Truly, 

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 

writing tag game

i was tagged by @annabellelux, @bazypitchandsimonsnow , @sharkmartini , and @angelsfalling16 !!! thank you, y’all!

ao3 name: cynosure_phrases (originally this, then i swapped it to my tumblr name, but that made me feel weird so i changed it back. bit of backstory, i made the username when i was 14.... yeah. that’s pretty telling.)

fandoms: currently carry on and my chemical romance, but i write strictly for carry on. i was previously in the sherlock fandom, and i originally wrote on my current ao3, but i swapped all my fics onto a different account so i wouldn’t have to see the notifs on them lmao (you can ask for the account if you’re really curious, but it’s bad)

tropes: god. handholding?? im in love with the trope of intimacy between people who are interested in each other, but not yet together. like... cuddling in the platonic sense, but both want more. so just like, yearning. the trope of yearning. that and “idiots to lovers”.

number of fics: 37 on ao3. a good 10 half-finished ones in my google drive. countless ficlets on my tumblr

fic i spent the most time on: “the storyteller”. i started that in october 2018, finished it officially february 2019. i wrote the majority of it between october and november, then sporadically worked on that in the time in-between.

fic i spent the least time on: god, i genuinely don’t know. i usually can do a 2k fic in under 3 hours including editing, but “when are we not dreaming” was written over the course of like. 5 days. i dissociated through the whole thing. genuinely. i remember starting the concept, then coming out the other end with a finished fic. multiple of those days were spent not sleeping and only drinking black coffee, according to my roommate.

longest fic: “the storyteller”, again, at 47,605 words.

shortest fic: on ao3, “happy anniversary” at 638

most hits/kuddos/comment threads/bookmarks:

hits: “room for the two of us”

kudos: “room for the two of us”

comment threads: “proximity: the collision of lonely men”

bookmarks: “room for the two of us”

total word count: 328,572

favorite fic i wrote: i wanna say one of the ones i already listed, but since i dont wanna be repetitive (again), right now it’s “let’s do the time warp again”. i kind of went off (pun intended) with that one.

fics you want to rewrite/expand on: i plotted out a full fiona/ebb fic and expanded upon “stay with me” for that. it’s angsty mf fic, but i wanted to write a god to honest lesbian fic and one day, i swear, i will. (i also want to rewrite “love you all, die for this” one day.... one day....)

share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: ok so. nowadays. i’ve had more than just normal writer’s block. it’s like i’ve completely lost my ability to write (thank you, college), but i’ve had this WIP running around my head since january that i really want to find the energy to write. it’s a horror fic. simon and baz stranded in the middle of nowhere woods, roughly around 2005. nonmagical/humans. it kind of starts classic 50s horror-y. simon’s giving baz a ride to the next city. penny’s their mutual friend, but they’d never met before this. they hate each other. they argue in the car ride, they argue when they get stuck in the storm, they argue when simon walks off to find shelter somewhere, and baz angrily follows after him. they do eventually find a house, abandoned, but has a working furnace and blankets and well water and canned food that’d probably edible (coincidences but eh it’s a fic yknow), and they’re pissed but agree to settle in for the night, and wait for cell service the next day. cue series of suspense and possibly a beast in the woods. and maybe hate-make outs. who knows!!! (i have a playlist for this fic, if you’re curious. i think it goes hard)

extra fun fact bc you read this far down: i’m an awful speller!!! if you ever find spelling mistakes in my fics, know that i am. terrible. autocorrect is my best friend and confidant. if i ever spell anything wrong, please tell me adlkfjsadf

i don’t know who’s been tagged yet but! @krisrix @warriorbeeofthesea @thehoneyedhufflepuff @lovelessinmanhattan @fight-surrender @vkelleyart @the-lincyclopedia @elaboratebeauty and anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to do it!

okay since i didnt do a fan account for last time i saw vav, i decided i absolutely needed to do it this time especially since jacob was there this time. ill put this under a read more since i ended up talking a lot lol. but a few highlights from last year though real quick:

my mom went with me and she fell in love with st.van who seemed very impressed that a mother liked him so much jdkflgh

ace gets more attractive every time and. red is his color no one else can wear red except him

baron was exceptional at fan service as always

they changed their choreo for it to work for 6 people and i was very sad. but very impressed that they learned it all again

im sure theres more but thats all i can remember specifically off the top of my head. and it was over a year ago oops smh i shouldve wrote it down. anyways this year snapshots were rly expensive so i only got one with jacob and it was so so so worth it. the absolute love of my life apple of my eye my entire WORLD

i personally enjoyed this year much better than last year for a few reasons: it was the same venue who now knew what to do lol and not scrambling like last year. also the sound quality was... off. last year. could hardly hear vocals but this year it was BEAUTIFUL. also!!!! JACOB was there! that on its own makes it worth it for me! also my friend was there with me this year too hehe

also heres my fan account from 2 years ago (the first time i saw vav, with jacob) in case anyone wants to read that one too

ANYWAYS: the fansign. was much more rushed than previous years but that makes sense with the sheer volume of people there. i dont remember what i said to at least half the members lmao but i did tell jacob that i was happy he was here this time and that i missed him. also i literally went mute when i saw ace hahaha

i told lou and st.van thanks for coming (i think?) and originally i was gonna tell lou yeehaw cuz he was wearing a cowboy tie thing but i forgot. 

also ziu kept saying my name over and over except he kept pronouncing it wrong dsjhkgfl that letter ㄹ can be pronounced both as an R and an L. so my name is maiRin but he kept saying maiLin. props to him for trying again and again though lol. ziu’s handshake was so so hard too lol like he wouldnt let go so i told him he had a great handshake and he was like :))) YOU TOO!!. hes so loud and energetic lol

during the hi touch i kept thinking about how tall they are!!! like they mustve grown since last year lmao or maybe i shrunk?? anyways me and my friend made a heart together for the group photo

the concert was FUCKING AMAZING!! like i said they fixed the sound problem from last time so they sounded sooo good. they did all my fave songs except for abc but apparently ayno choreographed runway specifically for the tour bc so many of us wanted it lol

god. ace unbuttoned his shirt during poison and i think my soul left my body. and baron did that tummy tease by lifting up his sweater..... how can they do such a thing to me... im losing my voice and i can pinpoint the exact song why: dance with me. and spotlight. i screamed all those lyrics believe me!! 

ALSO THE STAGE PART?? where they called fans up on the stage? i got SO embarrassed secondhand. the 30 second eye contact made me so nervous that poor girllooked like she was abt to pass out. and then ayno kept coming closer and baron worked together w/ him and made sure she couldnt walk backwards and THEN? WHAT THE FUCK DOES AYNO DO he uses baron as a wall and does the FUCKING WALL SLAM!!!!!!!!! i dont think we screamed louder than at that moment. i couldnt watch some of the fan service it was just. so much.

and at the end!! baron did a huge dance break for poison’s encore stage and he was so close to me. he looked so fluffy and soft but also s*xy in that turtleneck sweater... 

during ending ments. people started chanting for jacob bc he wasnt there last time and i (cry emoji) as well as chanting ‘best leader’ for st.van. god i love vampz so much. st.van also took a pride flag and wore it too it was nice

and now: the snapshot session. unfortunately i only could afford one and i got mine with jacob. so some background knowledge: in their first concert i also took a pic with jacob where we did the E.T. pose where the tip of our fingers touch and. it was DESTINY OK the flash reflected off the glass behind us and lit up the exact spot where our fingers met and.. i cried when i saw it LMAO. 

SO! i brought that snapshot with me this time to show him!!! and i was able to thanks to some sneaky moves using my sweater and he was like :O but i dont think he focused on the E.T part he was more like: omg u took a pic with me before?? (like he was surprised he has fans? bitch i LOVE you you have so many fans what a humble boy but also. he needs to know hes got fans!!!!) and i was like yes!!! i saw you before!! :^) very happy abt it! and then we took the pic.

and our pose was him wrapping his arm around me. it was so sweet he held up his arm so i could come snuggle up near him and i wanted to literally DIE. and our pic together is so cute ill add it at the end!!!! and this time i did not run away lmao (spoiler 1st time i took a pic with him i ran away and the staff had to tell me to come back so he could say bye) dhfsjgk 

AND i said bye to him without stuttering!!! he smiled so brightly at me ;; and then he said: ill see u again. cant wait to meet you again. and my heart fuckin BURST. he wants to see me again!!!!!! bitch i wanna see u again for the rest of my LIFE!!!!!!!!

anyways im in my jacob feels in particular today now but also all the members were beautiful and talented and wonderful and it was just such a great night. i love them so so so much i would do anything for them

ok so ignore how i look but this is our snapshot: its a polaroid and we look so cute and happy together i wanna cry. i miss him already. apologizes for the blurriness and random lights its hard to take a pic of a polaroid lol

Tmi / talk about menstruation and iud / venting / but i just wanna get this out, and maybe someone else is in the same boat as me because ive never been able to find any accounts of similar experiences ... I wanna preface this by saying im 26 and have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia/chronic pain, which is probably related but i dont know how. I normally have super heavy periods and debilitating cramps, along with discomfort during penetration (or similar activities) on some occasions. Ive tried a couple different birth control options over the years and each one has given me constant cramping. Its weird because the cramping on the pill (2 or 3 different kinds of BC pills in different times of my life) and depoprovera shot were the same in that i would get terrible cramps whenever i did any kind of activity but especially when i stand up from a sitting position. I remember being in college and standing up and having to immediately sit back down hunched over until it passed. I got the depo shot a few months ago and it was the worst thing ever. I had severe cramping with all kinds of movement (and havent been able to even touch myself without setting off the cramps) and after a month of it i started bleeding for a month straight until a doctor gave me estrogen pills on top of it to stop the bleeding. The pills stopped the bleeding but not the cramps, so the plan was for me to wait it out and try an iud next since the medicine would be administered locally instead of by pill or shot through my whole body.... three months during the depo shot i could not exercise or do any physical activity, which of course is making my fibromyalgia and mood worse. I feel like ive lost a whole year to the depo shot, on top of other health problems that have been acting up before the depo. It sucked and im not trying it again. I had about 2 weeks until the mirena iud insertion where i was taking the estrogen pills and still cramping (along with getting a full heavy and bad cramping period during the vitamin-pill week while i waited for the prescription to come in. The cramping was so bad i almost wanted to go to the emergency room, but it lessened by the next day even if i was still going through so many pads.) Before the iud insertion i took a pill the night before which the doctor said could help loosen up my organ to allow for easier insertion since ive never had a kid. I knew i could expect a lot of pain given how sensitive i know i am, but the few people ive heard get them said it was only really painful during and they were fine after, so i figure i could be strong and deal with it if its going to help stop my monthly cramping and bleeding. Turns out the insertion was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life. Normally having a speculum put in already puts me in considerable pain (a speculum feels like a shard of glass shoved in me) but it pales in comparison to getting the iud. I was crying out and struggling to stay still during the proceedure but once it was over i hoped it would start to feel better. It burned with pain and still does days later. I didnt realise i would get severe cramping immediately after the insertion, but i could barely stand up. The doctors had to let me stay in the room for like a half hour before i could limp back to the car. Im lucky i had my mom to drive me home because i could still barely breathe it hurt so badly. I took tylenol about a half hour before the proceedure but i dont think it did anything. I couldnt take advil because of other medicines im taking. So the only other thing i could do is lay there screaming in pain with the heating pad pressed on me. A few hours later my mom had to call an on-call doctor from the same hospital and he said to go to the er so we went. The rest of the night is kind of blurry i was in so much pain and could barely think. The er gave me a painkiller and later a muscle relaxant before telling me i have to stop my other meds so i can take advil. I was there for like 6 hours i think, feeling waves of terrible cramps that feel like a knife is slicing the inside of me - the same feeling as the iud insertion. I feel bad for everyone who had to hear me screaming every 10 minutes and my mom who had to stay with me. The doctors kicked me out immediately after giving me advil and i went home barely able to even walk or move. It took me another 2 hours to manage to fall asleep even though i was so exhausted and had the worst chest and body pain from being so tense at experiencing the worst pain of my life. Nornally, if unmedicated, ill get periods so bad im screaming in pain, but it will only last 1-2 hours until the advil or tylenol kicks in and dulls it down to a bearable ache, so this iud was supposed to be my fall back on options to eliminate cramps. (I really wish the doctor would just let me get a hysterectomy i dont ever want kids and this whole situation is giving me severe gender dysphoria) Yesterday i spent the whole day sleeping off my traumatic er experience and today im still getting really horrible waves of cramping and nausea. Thankfully im not bleeding (...yet?) But it still feels like having a tampon being yanked out of me that wont come out. The knife feeling isnt there so im not screaming, but the cramps are still so bad and i dont know if i need to take it out. The er doctor said to take it out if the advil doesnt help, and that this is most likely anxiety making the pain get out of control. The er nurse said this is normal. Like??? How the fuck to people deal with this im scared about taking it out because thats probably going to hurt even more. I forgot to ask my prescribing doctor if theres a risk for toxic shock or something but like i dont have a fever its just so painful feeling it there. The placement is "right" according to the ultrasounds but it hurts so much and is still giving me cramps I really dont know how anyone could deal with this the whole thing is so upsetting i want it out but i dont want to deal with the proceedure to get it out and that same severe cramping i dont think theyll allow it to be a surgical removal but i wont be able to sit there and deal with it again!!!! Just thinking about all of it is giving me more anxiety too, i have such dysphoria about my internal organs and such a terrible phobia about even having them!!! This amount of cramping should not fucking be "normal" i hate being invalidated at the er like that God i just dont know what to do the cramping is so bad and im still scared of getting an ulcer from the advil. Thats another thing. A year ago i got an ulcer from taking advil because of period cramps, so ive been suffering taking tylenol! Thats why i want a BC that works to get rid of cramps and bleeding!! Now here i am with the worst cramps and bloating of my life!! How am i expected to function like this!!! I dont remember half of the past few days because ive been in so much pain!!! I can only hope this gets better because it feels worse today than it did yesterday, even if its not as bad as the day before when i had the insertion done. The doctor said if im still having the same kind of cramps ive been getting with the other types of birth control after a month i can look into other options (hopefully hysterectomy!!) But thats so far away and i havent been able to practise driving or apply to any jobs because i cant fucking do more than sit or lie down because of the god damn cramps Ive lost like all my personality and enjoyment of life and lost any one i could call a friend because this is consuming me and i cant fucking do anything i hate it i just want something to go right for once i want to be able to exercise again i love exercising and i havent been able to go for a walk without getting winded and severe cramping I cant even find other people that get cramping on birth control when standing up or doing activities so i dont know why this is happening to me ive looked everywhere i can and all i get is dysphoria because """"mensutruation is a womens health problem"""" and my phobia of pregnancy makes it impossible to browse forums I dont know what my point to all this is i just really need to vent because i feel so alone with this specific problem Life sucks and then you die i guess lmao

i'm not the anon, but i do want to hear about your OCs!!!!!!! i'm bad with details but i vaguely remember you had these two gay bois and maybe one was a computer programmer or something?? idk but i think you had an art piece of him at a laptop,, anyway they were v cute

alright since i got a lot of gay boys i had to go searching to make sure i had the right gay boys sdhjfghsgsfg why do i have so many gay boys i do wonder mh

so im thinking u mean vince n xiaoli cuz of that piece of the latter 

if not then oops u gon have to hear about them anyway uwu (im putting this under cut cause i tend to speak a lot and i dont wanna clog up people’s feed ya feel) if i got it wrong feel free to scream at me and demand explainations of other characters lmao

its em

Those two got a whole ass story (not a story about ass i just keep putting the word ass everywhere). 

They were besties as kids, like, very young kids, talking inseparable besties. But, one day, quite suddenly Xiaoli’s family had to move back to China and so the two were seperated with no ways to contact or even ideas as to where the other was (factor in the fact that they were still very young and all, and if we take time into account that must mean they were in some time of barely no internet for everyone so prolly didnt have even emails tbh). The whole story i got planned for em is about how they grow up, evolve, yet still try to find each other again through the few pieces of useful information that they remember from back in the days. (and since im a sucker for happy ending it aint no spoiler that they do find each other at the end or smth like, pls, id die if they didnt. the important part is the path they took, and all the shit that happens in between ofc)

 but who cares bout plot tbh, the important thing is the cHARACTERS (i kno cause my studies include storytelling classes so like bitch, i kno the story is the characters and all that jazz) so lets talk about the boys themselves some more, shall we uwu

Lets start with Vince, who’s the youngest of the two :

first thing i gotta say is that he changed a LOT design wise, like his first looks ?? wack.

who are you i dont know you u look rude im scared what happened to your hair ? so many questions

anyway now he looks like a baby and that’s all that matters.

(that was def done for a school exercise but look how cute he is awn)

He lives in the US, born of Ecuadorian parents. Ever since he was tiny he wanted only one thing, and that is to Win Gold at the olympics (yeah i know, small ambitions, what can i say he’s a realist at heart) for tracks (aint decided yet what exact part of tracks cause im not knowledgeable in track n field and i still gotta do my research boo bad me for procrastinating). 

So he runs. A lot. That’s his main thing. A big part of his identity.  But not all of it naturally otherwise he’d be a running robot not a guy.

He’s still very young so he can be a tad stupid, naturally. He’s also close to his family. And he big gay. He’s a friendly guy, the puppy type with others. He’s really big on listening to his friends vent out since he believes it does a lot to relieve stress (and ya cant be stressed if you want to perform amazing !!!)

He’s kiiiiind of an overachiever. Just a small bit. He wants to do perfect all the time, so he studies a lot, trains a lot, cleans his room, does his bed, brushes his teeth, he’s a Good Kid. He’s got a really strict timetable that he follows really closely, and in general, tends to monitor his life, maybe a biiiiit too much ? Even leisure time is a specific moment of the day, a set time, nothing more. Then he goes to bed, early, so he can get a full good sleep and go run in the morning. He needs to learn how to chill a bit more. He does have friends to help him get back into a more relaxed mindset sometimes, and once he reunites with his long lost bestie he definetly will have to accept a biiiit of chaos and imprevisible...

Cause let’s talk a bit bout Xiaoli huhuhu...

At first glance you may think “oh, what a reliable serious pretty boy, he seems nice and helpful” but he’s actually a sNAKE. Or more like a fox ? I’m no vet so I’m not sure what animal analogy fits best...

Fact is he IS reliable, and nice, but he’s ALSO a bitch. If you’re pal with him he’ll help you out with your homework, listen to you rant about a heartbreak, be a total sweetheart, but if you’re his FRieND then you’ll get that but under snarky remarks, teasing, and he’ll probably record you when you’re doing ridiculous drunk antics or just tripping over your own feet...

actually he def will do that.

He’s also very expressive and open, he’s one of those characters that i like to use for expression practice because his face will stretch in any possible way. He still keeps secrets tho, mostly he doesnt talk at all about his search for Vince (probably because he’s got the biggest lead, namely having randomly found him once through his running exploits and discovering his past bestie was now becoming some sort of “upcoming athlete celebrity you have to keep an eye out for” or something...)

He actually studies medecine, not computer science but tbh, I could change it in the future, its nothing fixed nor anything too relevant to his character dshsfsgs, and also he IS pretty tech savy so that’d make sense mh.....can you believe im gonna turn into those creators who take “fan theories” and turn them canon smh

He’s quite likes going out, partying and having fun. He values balance between work and fun above a lot of things, and he’s also not much of a big planner. 

Also since I mentionned it for Vince, lets make it equal : he’s a HongKong resident, his mum is half Australian so that makes him a ? Quarterie ? Is there a word for half-halfie ? Idk man. And he’s very very bi, and quite chill about it, and quite absolutely into getting dates.

Those two got some potential for me to turn them into a story so i kinda hope i’ll be able to some time in the future, who knows, maybe that’ll happen somedays uwu

Fic search #11

Sorry if you guys have been waiting for your ask and thanks for being patient~

1) anonymous asked: hello! I was wondering if you guys know the title of the fic wherein oc likes chanyeol but chanyeol likes baek, i think the summary goes like “chanyeol was your first love unfortunately you weren’t his”? Thank you in advance! And thanks for running a blog like this! :)

x third wheel, spinning

2) anonymous asked: I fear tumblr might have lost my question (at least it wasn't part of the big fic search), so I thought I'd try again: I'm looking for a secret agent au with a side of gtop. chanyeol and seunghyun are both agents working for the SK gov. C is dating supposed civilian B who later turns out to be working for the NK gov with jiyong. they are after the same target, B fucks up, NK wants him dead, he fakes his own death and in the end they all run away together to a deserted island. thx in advance :*

3) anonymous asked: hi i love reading chanbaek fics and i was just wondering if there’s any chanbaek veterinarian aus? thank you! :)

4) anonymous asked: theres a fic on asianfanfics thats about geisha baekyun and prince chanyeol. Chanyeol is some kind of sun or moon heir and his other half is that woman and they are supposed to be soulmates and rule the kingdom. But that woman lies and chanyeol's soulmate is baekhyun but like i said baekhyun is a geisha and kyungsoo (idk his title) takes a liking to him. I cant remember any other details but could you help me to find this fic?? Thank you so much!!

x  Tsukuyomi-No-Mikoto

5) anonymous asked: Do you have some ffs where Baek is in love with Chanyeol but Chan only dates Baekhyun just for advantages. But before Chanyeol realize his feelings, Baek finds out and broke up with him, so Chan has to win him back? Maybe a school Au would be great but others would be also perfectly fine ! Thank you for your great work, have a nice day ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

×Check this tweet fic if you're up to!

6) chan61baek4 asked: hi! i saw this screenshot of a fic i had in my gallery but i dont remember reading it lmao i cant even recall the plot of it so i asked my followers on insta if they know it but it doesnt seem like they do :( there's this one line tho: "smile if you're going to smile baekhyunnie. im not going to stop you" - CY then after that BH called him 'daddy' then CY replied with 'baby' i know it's really vague and i dont think you can find it with this useless info but i really hope you can help me :((

7) anonymous asked: hello!! I'm looking for a fic where b was a stylist/designer and c is the fiance of his new client. cb broke up bc c had cancer(?) and thought he was going to die but he didn't and met b again where they eventually get back together. i remember there was a scene where the 3 of them visit c's parents and b had to pretend he hadn't been there before. thank you for your hard work!! <33

8) btstrashjames asked: Hi, I love your blog and i really appreciate your hard work! I was thinking if you know any ff's where one of them is really young (under 15 y/o) and the other is a bit older (max. 18 y/o)? I was reading one ff where Baek was idk 11 or so and Chan was 17? and it's like forbidden love (and there was a bit smut) and i wanted to read smth similar (the author has a block or smth) Thank you🙈💜

9) anonymous asked: Hi! I can't remember the title of this fic I read on aff before. It was an airplaneau, where chanyeol, kai are pilots and baekhyun, d.o are stewards and baekyeol was ex lovers. Halfway through the flight, there was a malfunction, and I think there was this scene where d.o almost fell off the plane? Baekhyun went to the cockpit to ask chanyeol what was going on and he kept asking him to stop the plane. Everyone suffered from ptsd after this and baekyeol got back together? Pls help! Thankyou:)

10) noirrrr98 asked: Hye, i love you guys and being soooooo grateful because of this account and all the admins. I just wanna ask if you know a story where chanbaek is together I'm not sure whether as a married couple or just together. And chanyeol cheated, and baekhyun just can't with it.. both end up break off and never get together again and before the break up baekhyun let out everything bottled up inside him for a long time waiting for chanyeol all this while It's a bit heavy angst and i remember it's from ao3

11) anonymous asked: hi again!! I was the one asking about omega baekhyun + human chanyeol with Tao chanyeol wouldnt sleep with baekhyun, it was actually a hybrid au with Tao + baekhyun both as cat hybrids I think?? I just wanted to correct my mistake

12) anonymous asked: Hello, I'm searching for a fic. Baekhyun has cancer and he wanted to escape from it. Chanyeol brings him to the beach and suddenly Baekhyun is crying. Chanyeol carries Baekhyun on his back and muttering "I Love You". At the end, Baekhyun died. It's a one shot.

Thank you mizukiasakura | roygbvx for the help!

MORE ASKS I’VE BEEN IGNORING!!!!!!!

GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT

P.S. ALL OF U WHO SENT ME THE CHAIN THINGY ILYSOMUCH 

Why is her step-douche such a foken piece of shit? omg i hate him

some mysteries are never meant to be explained tbh. why is he so ugly and evil? who wronged him? but also who cares he’s in jail forever now good riddance ugly

I know this is probably really bad, but after I saw the newest molly posts, I thought of that video where the little girl is yelling "MISS KEISHA, MISS KEISHA, oh my fukin gosh she fukin dead"

OMFGFD I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT VIDEO WAS SO I JUST WATCHED IT AND I’M LAUGHIN

i don’t blame u i bet when it happens i’m gonna be like “u know she ded”

(To the previous anon) i agree with you so, so much! In Poland, these dumbass politicians are letting shooting pregnant bisons (?? Im not sure how they're called) become legal. Like BITCH WHAT. Can you imagine??? A fucking pregnant lil' cow getting shot????? I feel Molly's pain on an emotional level rn (sorry if this is too nsfw, just needed to get that outta my system...)

i think this was in response to someone saying that hurting pregnant women is one of the worst crimes but um WTF shooting animals at all makes me itchy but pregnant ones..............nah that’s......nah

it’s ok get it outta ur system i’m here 4 u

the first thing I check in the morning is your account.... you have me whipped! ;|

OMG WHA LMAO REALLY that’s wild. i feel like i’m the only one who looks at my page which is dumb but like idk i still feel like a little kid that no one cares about lmao. but then you guys exist and amaze me with your responsiveness every day and i just ;____________; ily all

hi Sunny. first of all i'm gonna say i love your story and your editing style so much! your blog is goals like literally. i need an advice if you don't mind. you always find such amazing angles for your pictures while mine are so boring. any tips or tricks you can share?

HI thank you so much ;-; sooooo i’ve been thinking about this question the past couple of times i went in game, trying to figure out how to describe how i take pictures. for one thing i live in tab mode lmao. meaning you press the tab button on your keyboard to go into camera mode and get all these sexy angles and super zoom and stufffff. i almost always zoom in super far idk why. so there’s one tip. i honestly just play around with going up and down with the q and e keys (i think?) until i find angles i like. i take a lottttt of pictures with so many different angles just so i have a lot to choose from. basically i try to focus on different things in each picture in order to get a mix of the most diverse and dynamic shots possible. you just need to experiment and get creative. i know that’s the most vague advice ever but really just try a new angle that you’ve never considered before and i bet you’ll get cool results. an interesting setting is also the biggest factor, because certain objects and their placements will give you interesting results. 

i honestly want to print out your reaction pic to that one post and just hang it on my wall, put it in my heart locket necklace, stamp it on people's faces, start an email thread with it. i love it.

an add on to the last ask i sent about your reaction pic. i've been looking at it religiously since it was posted, and i dont regret a minute of it. LMAO I'LL STOP NOW.

SAKJDLJKGKSDAF STOPPPP LMAOOO i looked so ugly but that was my pure unadulterated reaction to that question and i trust you all to not judge my ugliness and instead share this reaction with me. i’m glad u liked it that much, i just printed it out and i’m cutting it into a small heart to put inside ur locket ok

everytime i hear cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant i think of a serious case of the novembers like its so fitting and then i get all emo when i listen to it lmao rip

OMMMMGGGGGGG YESSSSS how have i never made that connection before honestly. cage the elephant is one of my faves and i’ve seen them perform twice actually!! i’m watching the music vid for that song now and even that reminds me of my story ;-; i cry

thank you for sending this, and also i cry @ the fact that you used the actual title *dies* now this song is gonna make me emo til the end of time thx

i might sound like some crazy stalker fan but i just want to say you are so freakin awesome and nice and funny and cute and (i can go on forever) so caring! i love your blog so much and all the hard work and care you put into all your posts and followers. thanks for making my day and making me smile so much. you have no clue how much i look forward to seeing your posts and your hilarious hashtags and answers from asks and AMAZING story posts. im sorry i just wanted to let you know ur awesome ily

OFMG WHAT!!!!!! I AM ONLY AN EEL!!!!!! but no you don’t sound like a crazy stalker, i actually love this, you’re too sweet, thank you ;-; i’m just blushin so much reading this omg. YOU EVEN LIKE MY TAGS WOW that’s true love. ily ;-; <333

how do you get your sims' facial expressions to line up with your scenes? I feel like my sims' faces are never right :(

tbh i just use a lot of the same neutral poses...my go-to’s are @helgatisha‘s poses lol. they’re the easiest to work with when i do just plain talking scenes, and often i tweak my sims’ eyebrows and mouths with the liquify tool if i want them to look a bit more concerned, sad, mad, happy, etc., it works like a charm!! i also tend to play around with angles, you’d be surprised how much a different angle can enhance a scene.

Hey smol bean, I'm sent you an ask and now I feel bad that it probably made you feel anxious because you didn't answer it. It was the one about you not liking my posts, I have anxiety too so I'm sorry If I made you feel sad. I think I'm just looking for validation from people I look upto you get me? Anyway sorry again, don't worry about it! Love you!

hiya bb, i know you saw my answer to your original post (and i’m sorry it got some negative attention, i didn’t mean for that to happen by any means) anyway don’t sweat it, and i really appreciate this follow-up message. you didn’t make me feel sad, i just wanna know what i can do. it’s just a hard question y’know. i understand what you mean, i think everyone wants validation to some degree. tbh you can just come off anon and message me, i promise it’s not as nerve-wracking as it seems! ily

How did you make Santi's tattoos? I want some like that for my Sims but idk how to do it

boop

I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOLLY IS GOING TO DIE DURING THE BIRTH OF THE BEAN OR IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER STEPFATHER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BEAN

WELP U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

how did you make your characters page on your blog like that?

uoohhh like what?? i used this theme (monolog) if that’s what you mean aheh. here’s a guide on how to use custom page themes

okay so THIS IS MY THEORY: they might keep the baby and molly might actually carry it to full term, but then the kid dies in childbirth and either molly also dies or maybe kills herself or gets killed later? or maybe she's still alive but just won't speak to santi anymore cause she like can't look him in the eye after all of that or idk?? since ppl were sending theories i wanted to add mine lmao. another possible theory is that the stepdad finds out and kills her but thats TOO DARK omg

TOO DARK U SAY...WELL!!! it’s not AS dark as you guessed but only marginally

If Molly turns out to be alive and raising their kid alone (though from what I'm seeing in response to most questions I think that may not be the route) am I allowed to slap Santi (unless Molly didn't give him the option to help) because raising a child alone is not easy I've watched my mom do it for years.

YEAH i would give you permission to slap him lmao he would be a grade A piece o’ shit if that were the case. i would never ever write that tho because santi does own up to his actions if they’re that detrimental. his altruistic nature, no matter how backwards, would never allow him to do that.

There will be complication with the abortion so she will not be able to carry a baby anymore and she's going to kill herself OR her step dad is going to find out and he'll beat her to death. And in both situation Santi his blaming himself because he wasn't there at the right time... Okay I really really hope I'm wrong now !

I don't even follow your story very closely but every time I see your posts my heart hurts.

OMFG...that’s how u know the pain is real

but like wow my stuff is really so visceral that even my apathetic followers can feel the hurt...that’s real...that’s real my guy

omg!! you should 100% play or at least watch a playthrough of life is strange! legit the best game ever made, its so beautiful. the storyline kills you a thousand times over (much like your beautiful story) <3333

yaaaa i’ve heard lots of good things about it!! my bf played it actually, maybe he’ll revisit it again someday and i’ll watch him do it (i’m only a fan of video games if i can watch them like a movie lmao) thank you btw <3

I am shook and I worship you and your story and you are amazing WOW BYE

WORSHIP LMAO WHAT!!! PLS I AM UNDESERVING...ily tho don’t worship false gods

Do you let Molly and the younger versions of your characters frolic around your main save or do they have a separate one?

UM YES LMAO because i didn’t even know you could have separate saves until after i started the flashbacks lmao i’m...a noob. i don’t want separate saves anyway because 1) it’s too much of a hassle switching back and forth and 2) it gets too confusing for me and i’d be afraid of overwriting one save with another and NOPE too much anxiety for that soooo yeah there’s three santis in my game: child, teen and adult lmfao (fun fact: teen santi’s name is literally just Lil Santi)

I made it to my senior year with 6 A's and 1 B ... Be proud of me too? 😂 Lmao I told this to people and some of them were just like .. okay cool?! LMAO it's so funny but also kinda sad

I AM PROUD OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!! my smart childrens

“okay cool” UM PLEASE that’s a feat...at my school if you got an A in a class in senior year you were allowed to be exempt from the final. so yeah that rules. ily

sorry

thanks for nothing. i came because you were my friend, not because i wanted to be lied to and hurt.

vent under the cut

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You ruined my life. I never want to see you again. It’s your fault. I hate you.

Yet I still choose to remember you.

Your name was Anna. You loved bananas. Rarity was your favorite pony. Neeky was your best friend. And I like to think that, at one point, I was too. You had a sister. Her name was Abby. She loved Disney. She loved Disney movies. Her life revolved around them. She loved to roleplay. She was your best friend, and you were hers.

We were so happy. There wasn’t a single moment when you weren’t happy and excited for something. Except-

When we had a fight. Yes, I remember. Exactly how it went.

I called myself a night owl. You got mad. That was Abby’s spirit animal. You told Abby, she got mad at me too. The rest is fuzzy, but you- You called me a whore. And you hurt me. You made me cry, for the first time. Though it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

We broke apart.

Later, we- we came back. When I told the truth about my name and age. You seemed to take it well. That was good. We were all friends again. We were happy. It was nice.

I was happy.

Until one day, you texted me out of the blue.

You told me that Abby died.

I was heartbroken, at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t find the right words. I didn’t know what to do. I cried, again. I was 9, 10 maybe. Naive. I believed it. You told me her friend would be on her account. I talked to “her friend”. I asked if they would sue.

“No, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, and besides, the camp was fun anyway.”

And I believed you.

I trusted you.

I was naive.

Last year, I reread the story Abby had wrote for you. For your birthday. The last words written were “maybe we should wake up,” spoken by one of two characters laying in bed, contemplating their next actions. I won’t lie. I teared up.

I spoke to you for the first time in years.

“hey

anna

uh

do you know where abby was going in her fanfiction for you?”

“Hm? Oh that! Sorry, I forgot all about it but.. no I.. actually have no idea.. I don't know if she's continuing it :c”

“ak

that sucks

i just finished reading it and

i was actually the one she trusted to proofread it

i feel like i should be the one to continue it

idk but

aaa

i wanna continue it but i don't know where she was going with it”

“She's busy right now, idk if she wants to continue it.. but I can see if she really really wants to, if not she'll probably just give it up to us! :D”

Color me confused.

I didn’t understand. I thought she had died.

I asked Neeky if she remembered.

“hey uh

idk if you talk to anna anymore but dont tell her i said this

didn't abby..die ??? i was asking her about the fnaf fanfiction and

hold on ill just send a transcript ig”

“she keeps saying it as if it never happened

and i just

im getting mixed messages

like

was she lying? is she talking about someone else who 'took abby's place'??? im honestly so fuck ing c o nf us ed

and im too much of a fucking wimp to ask her

there was such a huge boom about it when it happened

i remember she messaged me after it, she was upset as fuck and i mean i understood, i still do, her sister died and she got her phone and it was almost her birthday and i just aaa

but i dont

whats going on anymore im fu ckign”

“When did she supposedly die? Like a month or something?”

“wh

i

when we used to be the odd squad?”

“Lmao I worded that weird sorry like was it when school was still going”

“it was

camp

i think

yeah

and there was supposedly a big zipline over a waterfall with sharp rocks and abby wasn't secured properly

thats how i know it

i remember it like yesterday even, anna was so upset but im starting to think it was a lie i dont even fucking know anymore”

“Um,,,,, p sure she's not dead if Anna went to school as her normal self. Knowing anna, she would be so upset that she most likely wouldn't step out of her house?

That's when we still talked so she would've told me if she died and I don't recall she ever did?”

“have you seen abby around though?

she told me, i remember it, goddamn it

i think i still have the screenshot, even

im fucked up dude like what the fuck even

i,

he lp”

“Wait,,, idk if you remember but her dad was the vice principal of our middle school at the time. even he didn't take time off or something to mourn or attend a funeral or something of the sort.

Unless I somehow missed an entire period of my life”

“i have the screenshot but anna's wording it like it never happened and i dont understand i”

“Well I mean my point still stands. She didn't look any different while at school and when she texted me, she sounded as enthusiastic as she was before. Perhaps she lied?

And adding what you've said about how she talks, it doesn't really seem like something this tragic happened.”

So we confronted Anna about it.

“Hey anna”

“Ya?”

“uh

so

about abby”

“Ya..”

“didnt she...die? when i was talking to you about the fanfic you worded it all as if it never happened

‘ Hm? Oh that! Sorry, I forgot all about it but.. no I.. actually have no idea.. I don't know if she's continuing it :c’

‘ She's busy right now, idk if she wants to continue it.. but I can see if she really really wants to, if not she'll probably just give it up to us! :D’ “

“OH YEAAAAAAA

I thought I didn't tell you..

Sorry..

SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS SUCKS”

“but”

“..?

Her friend took over her accounts, yah.”

“but neeky said when you went to school you seemed happy and chipper as usual and- wasnt your dad the vice principal or something

?

neeky said there wasnt any funeral or anything and i do nt

e ve ne

i mf ucke d u p”

“I.. really don't like talking about this”

So then Neeky asked:

“Like I wasn't even told about this until not too long ago,,,,

Um can you at least give me some info if this is real bc I didn't even know,,.,.,..,”

So then you left. And I tried to get in touch with you and ask what happened. Just- for any answer. Any smidge of an answer you had for me.

Nothing.

You were quiet.

Until you finally answered.

And tore my heart in pieces.

“I.. alright, yes, I did lie to you.. anyways.. I.. I'm really sorry but.. no, I'm not sorry.. let's just get this over with.

I can't be your friend.

You've lied to me and told me the truth but..

I really hate that because I gave so much of my friendship to you.

One of my good friends on Kik is going to talk to you, goodbye.”

I got a message.

I talked to your friend.

I was told to kill myself, that I hurt you, you’ll never forgive me, you hate me, you don’t want to be my friend, you don’t want to see me ever again.

I cried.

Again.

And now here we are.

Present day.

And I’m writing about you.

I guess there’s a reason we remember our most traumatizing moments.

I hate you.

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/                           like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.

okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

1) Are you really ready for 1000000 questions? ok

2) What was the last thing you drank? Orange juice 

3) Do you believe in God? Yes.

4) What did you last say? “oh my god.”

5) Do you regret it?

No?

6) Have you ever been depressed? I have depression.

7) Have a best friend? I do. 

8) Are you a boy or girl? I am a girl.

9) What is your relationship status? taken. 9 months holy shit!!!

10) How do you want to die? In my sleep. quietly and peaceful, please.

11) What did you last eat? Mac n cheese. 

12) Play any sports? Not anymore, i used to play volley ball in school

13) Do you bite your nails? yeah, and i hate itttt

14) When was your last physical fight? Never really been in a physical fight

15) What is the last sound you just heard? my fingers on the keyboard

16) Do you hate anyone at the moment? yep!

17) Do you miss anyone? Yes a lot of people, actually.

18) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? neither. i hate spaghetti.

19) Do you tan a lot? no. only naturally in the summer lmao

20) Have any pets? 2 cats

21) How exactly are you feeling? i feel fine. i had an interview, went good. i few weird right now, though. anixous 

22) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? Yeah, i dont do it often, unless were on trips

23) Ever made out in a bathroom? yes, kinda? i mean we fucked in the bathroom

24) Would you take any of your exes back? No. they all suck

25) Are you scared of spiders? no 

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I would, maybe to stop alan from hurting me, or maybe to tell myself to not trust anyone, but idk it was a learning experience, but it was awful. I dont know, really.

27) Do you regret anything from your past? Oh yes.

28) What are your plans for this weekend? The weekend just past, but for this coming weekend, im thinking im hanging out with my best friend, and then seeing Connor, probably.

29) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with a C? Yes, my current boyfriend, connor 

30) Do you type fast? Yes.

31) Do you have piercings? I did, I had my ears pierced, and the lady said to take them out within 3 months. so i did, and well i took them out to put new earrings in and it hurt really bad, so i left them out for like 3 hours and by then they were closed. =.=

32) Can you spell well? Yeah, i think so

33) Do you miss anyone from your past? I do

34) What are you craving right now? nothing

35) Ever been to a bonfire party? Not really. i would love too

36) Have you ever been on a horse? yeah a couple times

37) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? my boyfriend

38) Last hug? Connor

39) Have you ever been cheated on? Not that im aware of

40) Last thing you watched on tv? Troll Hunters. LOL yes connor makes me watch cartoons with him. He’s turning 27.

41) Would you live with someone without marrying them? yeah. Connor and I are planning on moving in together in the next little bit.

42) What should you be doing? nothing really...

43) What’s irritating you right now? a lot of things. 

44) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Yes.

45) Does somebody love you? my boyfriend, friends, family. my cats.

46) What is your favorite color? lilac 

47) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yes.

48) Do you have trust issues? I do now. 

49) What’s the last thing you said out loud? “Youre so weird”

50) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? No.

51) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah

52) What’s on your mind? nothing really.

53) Last book you read? I like him. He likes her.

54) Who was the last person you cried in front of? connor

55) Do you give out second chances too easily? yeah. I shouldn’t, but i do.

56) Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive duh

57) Is this year the best year of your life? ehhhh, i mean i feel happier in a way?

58) Do you think you’ re a good person? i hope so

59) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? No. not everything

60) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? I was editing Youtube Videos

61) Does your mind ever get stuck in the past? yeah, im always dwelling on it. wishing i could change time, or wishing it was different

62) What is bothering you? honestly nothing

63) Have you ever been out of province?Out of county? Yes.

64) Do you play the Wii? We have one, but i don’t play on it as much. I play on the Wii U though. But i like my Playstation 4 more

67) Are you listening to music right now? Nope.

68) Do you like Chinese food? Yeah, but i had some last night and made me sick =.=

69) Do you know your fathers b-day? Yes.

70) Are you afraid of the dark? Yes.

71) Is cheating ever okay? No its not. 

72) Are you mean? i dont think so.

73) Can you keep white shoes clean? I can.

74) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal? No lmao

75) Do you believe in true love? yeah. 

76) Are you proud of the person you’ve become? yes and no.

77) Do you like the outside? yeah..when its not snowing. =.=

78) Are you currently bored? noo

79) Do you wanna get married? eventually 

80) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? yeah, i like it when connor calls me that.

81) Are you hungry? no

82) Do you have a bank account? Yes.

83) What makes you happy? cats 

84) Ever been to Alaska? No.

85) Do you watch the news? Yes.

86) Do you like Subway? I do.

87) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? noooo. were dating 

88) Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My mom.

89) Do you talk like your friends? yeah, its funny. I notice little things i say and do and im like damn thats just like so and so

90) What’s a word you say a lot? “For sure”, “ I know” “Um..” “Like” “ I dont know “ “ I was kidding” “FUUUUCK” lol that almost makes a sentence 

91) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Yes

92) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah

93) Who is the last girl you talked to? My sister 

94) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? He smokes weed, but i don’t care. I only would care if he was doing cigs, and if it was extreme.

95) Do you go to church? sometimes when i can

96) What’s going on between you and your best friend? nothing ??

97) Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? Kaylie

98) Have you ever regretted letting someone go? Yes.

99) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos? yeah

100) What do you wear more: Hoodies, Jackets, Cardies..? Hoodies.

101) You’re a Sharpie marker, what color are you? lilac or a pastel color 

102) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? morning, but i like baths at night.

103) Have you ever said you’d never love again? yeah. lol

104) Do you want to please everyone? usually.

105) Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no

106) Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it? Yes.

107) Are you alone right now? yes

108) Did you speak to your father today? he is dead.

109) How many months/days untill your birthday? 10 months

110) Did you enjoy this survey? yea it was lit