#Azriel has a mate too but doesn't see it yet
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my april fic recs!
percy jackson & the olympians
luke castellan
true luck’s kiss by @atlabeth
summary: luke is stuck with a streak of bad luck. what better way to get rid of it than with a child of tyche?
twin beads by @supercutszns
summary: you’ve been unclaimed for five years. you’ve loved your best friend even longer. the sea used to be your greatest solace, but after percy jackson comes to camp, it’s your cruelest reminder.
ACOTAR
azriel
a healer’s touch by @bat-boys
summary: as a healer you meet many people as part of your profession but when you are asked to heal a certain spymaster you are unprepared for the connection that comes with it.
eye of the storm (series) by @thesunloveschips
summary: Nyra is one of the older Archeron sisters. Twin to Nesta. Plagued by a mysterious illness that her mortal body cannot endure for too long. And yet, it seems her curse is to see her family suffer. When the youngest of her sisters is whisked away into the land of fae, immortality soon follows for the rest of them. And as an immortal, there is more to her that she has yet to know.
missed target by @imaginesmai
summary: Azriel is convinced Elain was made for him. Three sisters for three brothers, and no one can make him change his mind. But someone or something is determinated to change the course of fate on his behalf. No matter how hard he tries.
if it all fell by @pellucid-constellations
summary: If it all fell apart—if you forgot who you were—would you love him again? Would the bond guide you back? Azriel doesn't know if that uncertainty is one he can bear.
notice me! by @heartless-tate
summary: Azriel courting an oblivious reader.
love of choice by @writingcroissant
summary: The Cauldron doesn’t always pick wisely when it comes to mates, but even though Azriel isn’t hers, she chooses him.
bluebird (series) by @acourtofwhatthefuck
let me keep you company by @utterlyazriel
summary: You're studying in Velaris and a certain Shadowsinger catches your eyes in more than one way. It takes a while to realise the shadow keeping you company means more than you expect.
strings that bind us by @parkerslatte
summary: Y/N owns a small bookstore in Velaris. When she struggles to take her stock in, a handsome stranger approaches her and offers her help. She accepts the help and Y/N insists on making him dinner for his help. Azriel originally denies this but he finds himself eventually saying yes for reasons he doesn’t understand quite yet.
wings by @itsswritten
summary: Who would've thought that your found family would be so captivated by your hidden wings? As they reminisce about their first glimpses of your ethereal secret, you realise just how cherished and adored you truly are.
you don’t get to tell me about sad by @bubbles-for-all-of-us
summary: Azriel gets an assignment he can’t seem to decline. Now he has a princess full of attitude under his protection. The only question is whose cold heart will break first.
marvel
bucky barnes
always you, forever by @pellucid-constellations
summary: Bucky wants to take you away from it all. This time, you might just let him.
dc
clark kent
handyman by @itsrubberbisquit
summary: Clark has been smitten with his accident-prone neighbor for quite some time. She tracks him down to make a familiar request with an unusual ending.
jason todd
four times red hood blushed because of you, and one time jason todd blushed by @mxtantrights
grishaverse
nikolai lanstov
this is me trying by @criminalamnesia
summary: the last time you saw Nikolai, he told you he never wanted to see you again. now, you’re standing outside his door.
dancing with our hands tied by @criminalamnesia
summary: Nikolai confronts you about unspoken feelings
#azriel x reader#luke castellan x reader#jason todd x reader#bucky barnes x reader#clark kent x reader#nikolai lanstov x reader#acotar#percy series#pjo tv show#dc comics#red hood x reader#superman x reader#marvel fanfiction#grishaverse#fic recommendation#fic rec#ren recs#sturmhond#azriel x you#luke castellan x you#jason todd x you
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Rhysand/Azriel similar scenes & reactions...
At the end of Acotar when Rhysand and Feyre are saying goodbye to each other we see this moment happen..
Now as l was rereading acowar I noticed a similar scene with Azriel & Elain.
After coming home from their visit to The court of nightmares Elain comes down the steps and is talking about the visions she's having (this is before they figured out she is a seer) and azriel asks her what she sees..
She tells them what she sees and this was Azriels response in the next page..
Notice how His eyes churn while he studies elain.. there is emotion in them .. and then he just winnows away without a word. Why would he just leave without saying goodbye? Azriel doesn't just up and bounce in the middle of conversations let alone without saying goodbye or giving some sort of reason..We know azriel wasn't thinking about her powers because he doesn't figure out she's a seer until 50 pages later.. so what was azriel feeling or thinking in that moment looking at elain that caused him emotion and to just leave without a word?
More importantly why was Mor staring at the space long after he was gone? Seems like she's thinking about what just happened in that convo and why azriel reacted that way?
This is just another "HUH" instance between Elain&Azriel. Another moment that alludes to something else going on but we don't know what yet.(there are a few scenes that exude mate behavior between elriel but for this post I just want to focus on this specific scene and how it’s interesting that it’s similar to rhysand scene in acotar)
Now if you know me l have been saying for quiet sometime I truly believe elain and Lucien will mutually reject their bond. I've always said I hope elain and azriel are that couple that choose love over a mate bond.
However I can't deny there are a few things that point to the possibility of them being mates as well. (I have a few theories on how this could play out). I find these scenes interesting since Rhysand and Azriel have similar reactions but we don't know why Azriel has that reaction yet..
HOFAS SPOILERS BELOW
Now I know in his Bonus chapter for Hofas Azriel says he doesn't have a mate. BUT what if elain is his mate he just doesn't realize what he is feeling is a mating bond because as of now she is mates with Lucien.. so he doesn't even think it's a possibility they could be mates because as of now in the story we haven't met anyone who's had more then one mate. So he's just feeling something deep and doesn't realize what it is... or simply maybe a mating bond hasn't snapped for them either yet.
Everybody likes to think it's a "ridiculous" theory that elain and azriel could be mates too but let's not forget..
TOG SPOILERS BELOW
For 6 out of the 8 TOG books Rowan & us the readers were told Lyria & Rowan were mates as well. Rowan often questioned what he felt about Aelin because he felt strongly about her but had already had his Mate who died ( he didn't know Maeve messed w him yet).
So let's not act like any of this with Elain & Azriel isn't in the realm of possibility
#hofas#acotar#acowar#feysand#elriel#azriel#elain x azriel#canon#elain archeron#elriel month#pro elriel
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#bryce quinlan#hunt x bryce#hunt and bryce#quinlar#quinlar are mates#bryce x hunt#bryce has a mate#a mate in the fae sense#ruhn scented the bond#Azriel has a mate too but doesn't see it yet#Quinlar are mates get over it#hosab spoilers#hosab#hosab memes#cc2#cc2 spoilers#crescent city 2#crescent city 2 spoilers
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#26 for the Cassian thing where reader is an IC member too and maybe them and Cassian have been seeing each other in secret for a while but Cass doesn't wanna tell anyone yet because he doesn't wanna mess up the dynamic or make things awkward for the rest of them but then all the stuff happens and Nesta comes along and reader's just sad and pissed because they're worried Cass is in love with Nesta now and secret plot twist oh no reader knows them and Cass are mates but it hasn't snapped for him yet so reader is losing it inside but obviously they can't tell any of their closest friends because Cassian still wants it to be a secret
even if you don't want to write this I hope you're having a great day/night ✩
Forever Tied - Cassian x Reader
Hello hello 🥰
The original prompt list I reblogged has disappeared for some reason so now I have no idea what #26 actually was but I did my best with the request you sent me so hopefully this still works, sorry Anon! I've made it extra long to make up for it!
Hope you enjoy!
Word Count: 9.3k
Rhys was trapped Under the Mountain and there was nothing you could do to help. You had crumbled upon hearing his voice in your mind that last time, having no idea what this meant for your friend, your court, or even for Prythian. You hadn’t even realised you had fallen to your knees until a familiar, warm body had knelt next to you and pulled you into their shaking arms.
Cassian had been in the city centre of Velaris when he had heard, all plans for the day disappearing as the realisation of what had happened hit him full blast. Without thinking, he flew back to the House of Wind, unable and unwilling to process this alone. Although, subconsciously, there was really only one person he wanted to be with in that moment. Azriel would have distanced himself upon hearing the news, Amren was at her apartment, and Mor was at the town house, leaving only you in the House of Wind.
He stumbled in his rush as he landed on the balcony and raced inside. His heart broke even further at the sounds of muffled sobs that echoed towards him. In a blind haze he followed the sounds and found you on the ground, as though your legs had completely given out, unable to bare the weight of what had occurred. Without thinking, Cassian was beside you, pulling you into his arms as he rubbed soothing circles across your back, despite the way his own hands shook as tears threatened to burn at his eyes.
Your breathing eventually evened out, the only trace of your tears were the tracks along your cheeks and the redness of your eyes. Turning in his arms, you looked up at Cassian as though only just properly noticing that he was the comforting, warm presence that brought you back from your distressed state.
“We have to do something,” Your voice was a croaked whisper, “I know he said he put up a shield, but there has to be something we can do to help.”
The shaky inhale of Cassian’s breath told you enough. He didn’t think there was anything that could be done. Truthfully, you didn’t either.
You looked at your friend in awe as a singular tear streaked down his face, followed by another, and another. In all the centuries you had been friends, the sight of the male in front of you crying was one you had very rarely witnessed.
“Cass,” You lifted a hand to his face, gently brushing away his tears. Cassian was always the one who held everyone and everything together, and if this was the one time he openly showed he needed someone else to keep from falling apart, you would more than willingly be that person for him. “It’s going to be okay, alright? We’ll figure something out. And Rhys… well, it’s Rhys. He’s going to be just fine.”
The watery smile you gave him didn’t quite meet your eyes, the expression quickly replaced with alarm as Cassian’s breathing quickened, eyes screwed shut as though trying to compose himself. This you had never seen. Cassian completely losing control, his body shaking against yours as sobs escaped his throat.
“He’s gone,” The strangled sound that came from him had your heart splitting in two. “Amarantha, she will…she’s already…” He couldn’t seem to find the words, or couldn’t bear the thought of saying what was running through his head with Amarantha being involved.
“We’ll get him back.” You soothed, hands reaching up as you guided his head into the crook of your neck, fingers running through his dark wave of hair.
But he wasn’t calming, if anything, Cassian found himself spiralling further and further out of control, the emotions and the ‘what ifs’ sending him into a state of panic where even your comforting presence could do nothing to sooth his hyperventilating breaths, the tears, and the shaking that racked through him.
“Cass?” You pulled back, trying to force him to look at you. “Cassian? Hey, I need you to open your eyes, just focus on me, okay? There you go. Now just take in one deep breathe, alright? Just one, that’s all I need you to do. Okay, and again. You’re alright. We’re alright.”
Cassian’s hazel eyes stared into yours as you talked him through his breathing, your hands soothingly moving up and down his arms as you knelt in front of him and offered a comforting smile as you watched his panic slowly ebb away.
“Y/N, I—" Cassian started, eyes wide as he gulped and continued staring at you. Before you could blink or react in anyway, he was surging forward; one hand coming up to rest at the back of your neck, the other was gently placed on your thigh, and then his lips were hurriedly pressed against yours. You stilled and tensed in his grasp, it was all too much after everything else that had happened, but still… Maybe a distraction is what you both needed. So instead of pulling away, you leant into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him even closer, and kissing him back with such an urgency that a moan sounded in the back of his throat.
“Y/N,” he muttered against your lips, forehead resting against your own, his breath brushing across your face as it came out in heavy pants.
You just shushed him, also refusing to move too far away. “I know, it’s fine. Just a distraction.”
He looked at you for one more blink and then hungrily pressed against you, this time lowering you to the floor, his muscled body hovering over yours as you lost yourselves in the moment, desperate to forget what had happened and all that was yet to transpire.
*****
Afterwards, you lay on the floor next to one another in the, now dark, room. The combination of your heavy breathes were the only sounds that broke through the silence.
Cassian let out a sigh followed by a chuckle, “Well that was one hell of a distraction.”
You turned your head to look at him and let out a quiet, breathless laugh. Yes, it had been a momentary distraction but now what had happened to Rhys, to Prythian, hung heavy in the room. Cassian turned on his side, leaning up on one arm as he faced you, taking in your still flushed, blissed out expression that now had something akin to pain creeping across it.
“Hey,” He gently grabbed your hand and soothed his thumb across the back of it. “Like you said, we’re alright. And we will get him back.”
You nodded at him then pulled yourself up, tugging your shirt back on before throwing Cassian his discarded clothes.
“Come on, we should find the others. Try to figure something out.”
*****
And that was that.
There was no mention of what had happened between the two of you. No comment on the fact that it had been, without a doubt, and despite the current situation you found yourselves in, the best sex either of you had ever had.
No, even when it happened again three weeks later, and then one week after that, and four days after that, again, and again, and again, it remained an unspoken agreement between the two of you. That momentary distraction where you could lose yourselves in the pleasure of one another and forget about the mess you were left to deal with.
That was how it worked for the next few years. You and Cassian falling into a routine of comfort that you were unable, unwilling, to get from anyone else. You had no idea if the rest of the Inner Circle were aware of what was going on; in terms of your friendship, nothing had changed, there were just additional benefits that came with it now. It didn’t mean anything more.
That is, of course, until your routine had morphed into something that felt like it was on the precipice of something else.
The sex was just as mind-blowingly passionate, however, there were now some instances where it was a bit slower and less frantic, more whispered words and lingering touches. Where the two of you used to chat afterwards, an arm’s worth of distance between you as you slipped back into your normal friendship until the other one left to return to their own room, you now found yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms, hands softly caressing skin until you both drifted into a restful sleep.
Which is where you now found yourself; wrapped up in Cassian’s arms as he softly snored against you, hand tightly holding onto yours and legs tangled together. You eased out of his grasp, careful not to disturb him and lent against the headboard with a sigh. Usually, you would wake the next morning, offer a small smile, then get on with your day, Rhys’ absence still a clear focus for you all. However, lately you had found yourself letting your mind drift more and more, especially in moments like these where Cassian was still beside you and the bubble you lost yourselves in was yet to be broken.
Each and every time you hated yourself for it, guilt taking over until you forcefully pushed the thoughts away, but you couldn’t help but think that, at some point, you all needed to continue your lives and break away from the standstill existence you had been in since Amarantha took over.
You would never say it out loud, but as the years went on, you had lost all hope of ever getting Rhys back. And if that were the case, and as much as you wished it weren’t, at some point you had to start living for yourselves again. Deep down, in the dark and quiet moments when you awoke and the house was fast asleep, you knew exactly what you wanted that life to look like.
You let out another sigh and looked at Cassian, softly brushing some stray hair away from his face and taking the time to really study his sleep-softened features. You hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but after centuries of friendship, and now the years of intimacy you had shared, the love you felt for Cassian had grown and taken form into a whole different avenue of affection. You were in love with him. You loved him and your heart ached at the thought of it because if you allowed yourself this one bit of happiness into your life, the solidarity and support that Cassian provided, then you couldn’t help but think of it as forgetting about Rhys and the torture he had been enduring whilst you were slowly and deeply falling head over heels with one of your best friends.
The worst part of it was that you were certain Cassian felt the same way about you. The way he held you and touched you, the words he whispered into your ear as you were both tangled, panting messes and then the dazed murmurings that were uttered into the silence afterwards, the longing glances he would give you when the others weren’t looking…
What had started as a desperate distraction and pure, physical need had grown into something so much more meaningful and intimate. And yet you both refused to acknowledge that it was anything other than sex as a means to cope with the instability in your lives.
“Hey,” You hadn’t realised Cassian had stirred, his gruff, sleep-filled voice tearing you away from your thoughts.
“Y/N?” Your expression pulled in confusion at the sudden worry in his voice as he sat up and grasped your hand. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”
It wasn’t until his fingers were reaching up to brush away the tears on your cheeks that you realised you had been silently crying.
“I… I don’t know.” You said with a slight sniffle.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Cassian pulled you into his lap, your head resting on his chest as he pressed kisses to the top of your head and rubbed soothing patterns across your back. The unfairness of the situation had you stifling a small sob, Cassian’s embrace reminding you of exactly what you were missing.
“Want to talk about it?” He murmured into your hair, followed by another kiss.
Whether it was the build-up of emotions or your complete and utter exhaustion, you didn’t know and didn’t care. You sat up in Cassian’s arms, desperately looking for any form of confirmation that what you were about to say wouldn’t ruin everything, then took a deep breath.
“This…whatever this is between us, I can’t keep doing it. Not how it is now,” You were too caught up to notice the heartbroken expression that flashed across his face.
Cassian had willingly fallen into this arrangement and would happily continue to do so if it meant he could pretend, even for just a few hours a day, that you were his, and he was yours. There had always been a part of him that had been completely and utterly in love with you. And then when he found out Rhys had been trapped by Amarantha, his emotions had been a surging mess, so he acted on instinct and a selfish need for the upmost form of comfort and risked it all by kissing you. Now the thought that this one bit of joy he allowed himself was being ripped away, another thing he would be losing, sent his heart racing as he waited for the final blow of your words.
“It hurts too much.” You continued, looking down at your intertwined hands before pulling away.
Cassian looked up at you in confusion, “What hurts too much?”
“This. Us,” A shaky laugh escaped you as you gestured to the empty space between you, throwing all caution to the wind as you said, “I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t anything more than a distraction. Not when I have fallen so deeply in love with you that the thought of never…”
You were cut off by Cassian all but picking you up and kissing you with such passion that you couldn’t stop your toes from curling or the small whimper that escaped your throat.
“You love me?” His voice was breathless and gravelly, barely above a whisper. You opened your eyes, his forehead rested against yours, eyes squeezed shut as though trying to hold onto the moment.
“Yes.”
A joyful laugh sounded from him and reverberated through you as his lips found yours again, tongue trailing along your bottom lip before you parted them for him.
Your mind was racing yet you couldn’t form a coherent thought, pulling away in a desperate attempt to catch your breath.
“Good.”
“Cass?”
“Good. Because I have loved you since we first met and I can’t lose you, not now.”
You grinned at him before pulling his face down to meet yours and slamming your lips to his. You had thought that maybe, just maybe, he had been starting to feel something that was more than friendship too. But the idea of him loving you for that long made your heart skip a beat and had butterflies fluttering up a storm in your stomach.
“I feel horrible,” You admitted, quick to clarify at the affronted look Cassian gave you. “It just feels wrong, like we’re betraying Rhys. We don’t…we don’t even know if he is alive, Cass. I want this, with you, more than anything. But it doesn’t feel right while everything is so…” You trailed off, unable to meet his gaze as Cassian watched you with a look of contemplation.
“So we don’t say anything. We can keep it between us, at least for now. We’ve gotten this far without the others asking questions. I love you, so much, and as much as I want everyone to know, I get what you mean. So we don’t say anything until we get him back. And we will get him back, I know we will. Alright?" You nodded; eyes wide as you grasped his calloused hands in yours.
“Besides, I basically sleep here every night anyway. Nothing will really change between us, just that I can now tell you and show you that I love you, instead of having to force the words down every time you so much as look at me.” A blush spread across your cheeks at his words and the wink that followed, but you didn’t care to hide it, instead simply giving him a dazzling smile that sent his heart racing.
He pulled you in for another kiss, murmuring “I love you” as he guided you back down onto the mattress.
“I love you too—" But a loud yawn escaped your mouth, cutting off the rest of your words and sending you into a small fit of giggles.
“Alright, we’ll continue this tomorrow,” Cassian now laughed with you. “Come on, it’s late. Get some sleep.”
You wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his chest, the comforting and familiar scent had you drifting off in a matter of minutes.
*****
Cassian had been right, not a lot in your dynamic had changed over the years after that night, other than the giddying comfort of knowing that he was yours, and you were his. You weren’t foolish enough to think that the others hadn’t picked up on the slight shift, especially when Cassian had waltzed out of your room one morning only to come face to face with Azriel. You just assumed that they thought you were sleeping together, nothing more.
Then when Rhys returned, you had been, obviously, overjoyed. Not wanting to bombard him with too much on his first night back, you and Cassian had decided later that night once you were back in your room, to hold off on saying anything about your relationship until Rhys had settled back in.
Then everything else had happened.
The arrival of Feyre and her sisters. Hybern and the cauldron. The war and near fatal injuries spread throughout your tight-knit group. It was all too much.
You and Cassian had been discussing back and forth for months: do you tell them or keep hiding it. Ultimately, keeping your relationship secret is what you always landed on. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were just finding excuses at this point to keep yourselves in your happy little bubble when so much threated to burst it.
Initially, you hadn’t wanted to rub your relationship in Rhys’ face when he was so clearly pining after Feyre who wanted nothing to do with him. Then their mating bond clicked, and you didn’t want to take away or overshadow their happiness with your own. The threat from Hybern felt like you would be playing with fire; if the King of Hybern found out… it was too great a risk when your enemies could use it against you.
Between it all, you still found time to be together; not once did the love you felt for one another falter. But with each excuse, and with each passing month, the decision wore on you more and more.
And then Rhys asked Cassian to take on Nesta.
You felt for her, you really did, but the time and energy Cassian put into helping her had a pit forming in your stomach. At the end of each day, when you were tucked tightly into his chest and his sweet nothings were whispered across your bare skin, you felt silly for ever thinking that he was losing interest in you. Yet, that feeling lingered just that little bit longer with each passing day and with each moment spent away from him when he was, instead, occupied with her.
*****
You had been away in the Summer Court the night that Nesta had hallucinated about being back in the cauldron. After you finished reporting to Rhys upon your return the following night, he had told you what had happened with her silver flames and how Cassian had managed to bring her out of it. With worry for all of them, you got back to the House of Wind as soon as you could but couldn’t find Cassian, Azriel, or Nesta anywhere. It wasn’t until later when you were getting ready for bed that there was a knock on your bedroom door. What you didn’t expect was to find Cassian on the other side of it, you weren’t sure why he suddenly decided to start knocking on the door to the room you had shared for the past 50 years.
With a quizzical look you pulled him inside the room and lent up on your toes to press a soft kiss to his lips that had him instantly wrapping his arms around your frame to pull you in tighter against him.
“I missed you,” he murmured against your skin, trailing lingering kisses down your neck that had a soft moan escaping you.
“I missed you. Rhys told me what happened here, are you alright? Is Nesta?”
Cassian pulled back, pressing another kiss to your lips then the tip of your nose before grabbing your hands and leading you to the couch by the fireplace.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” You remained silent, your doubt erupting in you as you waited for him to continue with bated breath. “We moved her to a closer room, next door to our, your, room, so that if something like that happens again one of us will know straight away.”
Cassian pulled back slightly, studying your features as though waiting for a reaction. You expression remained impassive; you could feel the other shoe about to drop and wanted him to tell you without beating around the bush.
“But,” He sighed, lifting your hand up and pressing a kiss to it, “I think, just for now, at least until things calm down a bit, I should go back to sleeping in my old room.”
“No.”
“Y/N – “
“No, Cassian,” You were shaking your head at him, not caring if you sounded needy or whiny or any of it. “This is the only time we can just be us. It’s already hard enough with keeping it a secret from everyone, I can’t lose this.”
“We decided, together, to keep this between us, there’s too much going on. And I don’t think Nesta will appreciate hearing us through the walls…” You cut him off with a scoff.
“Are you fucking serious, Cass? Are you worried about everyone finding out, or are you worried about Nesta finding out?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I never get to see you because you’re always with her. And now, because of her again, everything that our relationship is needs to go on hold? It’s not fair that after 50 years all I get is a few hours at the end of the day and to be kept your secret from everyone we care about.” You spat the word, all your emotions and fears finally bubbling over, however irrational they may be, but you had had enough.
“Sweetheart, we agreed that it’s for the best that we keep this between ourselves – “
“Well, I don’t agree anymore, Cass. I don’t want it like this. And don’t condescend me.” Your voice had a sharp snap to it. You needed something. Needed something other than the heartbreak that you could feel fast approaching; and a fight sounded like the next best thing.
“I’m not being condescending,” You could sense Cassian’s temper rising. “You can’t suddenly be angry because you’ve changed your mind without saying anything to me. And Nesta has nothing to do with this, it’s for...”
But the rest of his words became a blur at the sudden, incessant tug that pulled at your chest; that pulled you towards the male in front of you.
He was your mate.
Cassian was your mate.
You couldn’t do this, not now when you were in the middle of a fight. Not when Cassian didn’t even seem to be aware – or seem to care, a small voice taunted – of what had just happened. You needed to get away from him, to calm down and think before it could get even more out of hand.
“Cassian, just… Whatever, it’s fine. I’m tired, so just go back to your room, okay? We’ll figure the rest out later. I’m just…tired.” You finished lamely, voice cracking slightly as you watched him look you over, his frustration still evident, before walking out and loudly shutting the door behind him.
You slumped down, holding your knees to your chest as the sobs began. You had thought, had hoped, that Cassian was your mate. But this wasn’t how it was meant to go. Not mid-fight, with him having no idea of the bond’s existence while telling you he no longer wants to share your bed.
Having been so caught up in your thoughts and the overflooding emotions, you missed the flickering of shadows that darted around you. Moments later there was another knock on your door. Wiping your eyes, you called out in a chocked voice, “come in,” assuming it was Cassian.
Instead, Azriel quickly opened the door, closing it just as fast, before taking in the sight before him and making his way over to you.
“Y/N?” You could only sniffle in response, gratefully leaning against his side when his arm wrapped around you. “You alright?”
You remained silent for a few minutes, focusing on Azriel’s comforting hand brushing up and down your arm as you worked to control your breathing and halt your tears.
“I’m fine.” Your voice was hoarse and not at all convincing.
“Want to try that again?” You sent your elbow into his ribs, making the Shadowsinger chuckle before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.
With a sigh he asked, “This has nothing to do with the fact that Cassian is suddenly sleeping in his room for the first time in, what? 50 years?”
You gaped up at your friend in shock and at a loss for words.
“You knew?
“Of course I knew. I live here too, remember? As subtle as you might think you’re being, I’ve got these,” His shadows danced around, reminding you that it was stupid to even entertain the idea that Azriel wouldn’t know.
“Oh,” A fresh set of tears filled your eyes and you stared intently into the flickering fire.
“Can you please take me to the town house? I don’t… I can’t be here.” Despite the late hour, you knew he would do anything for you in a heartbeat. While you and Cassian had been friends for decades before anything more had happened, you and Az had been close from the start, instant friends as soon as you had met.
“Of course.”
He waited for you by your bedroom door as you pulled together a small bag of your belongings, not knowing when you would be back.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
You didn’t turn to give the room that held so many memories a final glance as you shut the door behind you and followed Azriel out onto the balcony.
*****
Thankfully, the town house was dark and empty when you arrived, giving you the space and silence to process your thoughts and feelings. You had thanked Azriel for flying you over and had said a quick goodnight before you walked inside and headed upstairs.
Sitting on your bed, you vacantly stared at the wall, lost in thought as the minutes ticked by. You jumped at the sudden dip of the mattress beside you, only to find Azriel sitting there fixing you with a look of concern, a steaming cup of tea extended towards you.
“Thanks,” You murmured, taking a sip and revelling in the slight burn as the liquid went down your throat. “I thought you went home.”
“Not yet. Didn’t want to leave you alone like this.” There was a beat of silence before, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,”
You let out a weary sigh, content on sitting in silence but your thoughts quickly became too much, and you found yourself blurting out, “He’s my mate.”
Azriel whipped around to face you, shock coating his features.
“What? They didn’t tell you?” You gestured to the shadows that skittered around him with a sad smile.
“For how long? I thought you were just sleeping together.” He trailed off, giving you an uncharacteristically sheepish expression as you let out a somewhat bitter laugh.
“It started that way, when Rhys…left,” You whispered, revelling in finally telling someone even though it may well be over. “It was a distraction from the shit show that was going on, but then it just kept happening.” Azriel remained silent, letting you talk.
“A few years in, I realised I had fallen in love with him,” you voice cracked but you kept going, “Then he told me he loved me too. Said he had for a while.”
Azriel chuckled lightly, “That’s an understatement. He was infatuated with you from the moment you met. I knew something was going on or something had at least happened when he suddenly stopped talking to me about you whenever you weren’t there.”
Tears rolled down your cheeks at his words, but with a look and a comforting squeeze of his hand, you let out a shuddering breath and continued, “That was five years into Rhys being gone, and we’ve been together ever since.”
“Five years into… But Y/N, how? That means for over 45 years, the two of you have been…” You sniffed as he put the math together and watched as his eyes widened at the realisation. “How come you never told us?”
“We felt guilty that we found some type of happiness together when Rhys was trapped – “
“He wouldn’t have cared. He would have been happy for you; for both of you” Azriel interjected.
“I know,” You smiled sadly, “But it just didn’t feel right. And then he got back, and everything with Feyre and Hybern happened – it was never the right time.”
You could tell he was still confused, hurt even, about the two of you keeping your relationship private for so long, but he didn’t push you.
“I don’t know how I missed it.” He said, seemingly to himself.
“You only half missed it,” You joked, nudging his arm to try to ease the tension in the room. “We tried to act the same, things were just different when we were alone.”
“When did you realise you were mates?” You inhaled sharply, your earlier fight rushing back to you.
“Tonight. We were arguing and I just felt this tug and knew. He doesn’t know – at least I don’t think he knows.” You voiced your doubts, the weight of them getting the better of you.
“If he knew, he would refuse to leave your side. It just hasn’t snapped into place for him yet.” You gave your friend an appreciative smile and lent your head on his shoulder.
“I’m so tired.”
“Go to sleep. I’ll come back in the morning to check on you. You’re alright here?”
“Thanks Az.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room; leaving you alone to finally mull over the fight, your emotions, and the fact that Cassian was your mate.
*****
“What’s up with you?” Mor plopped into the seat beside you, handing you a glass of wine that you gratefully took.
“Nothing,” You quickly murmured as the others traipsed into the dining room. You were aware of Cassian edging towards you and held in a sigh of relief when Azriel suddenly appeared in the seat on your other side.
It had been a week since you left the House of Wind to stay at the town house. A week since your fight with Cassian when you realised exactly what he was to you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eye. Despite his best efforts to get you alone over the past few days, you conveniently managed to slip away every time. Tonight’s family dinner was the closest you had been to him all week, the realisation only making your longing for him even more dire – especially now that you were aware of that insistent tug that pulled you towards him.
Dinner was no different to how it usually went, except for the fact that you hardly said a word, opting to keep your eyes focused on the food in front of you. You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice that Cassian also didn’t utter a single word throughout the meal, the only difference between you both was that his eyes were fixed on you, not his plate.
You jumped up as soon as everyone had finished eating, wanting to help clear the plates so you could get out and go home as soon as possible, not wanting to prolong the night for any longer than it needed to be. Too bad for you, Cassian was acutely attuned to your movements and jumped out of his seat seconds after to help in a desperate attempt to have at least one moment to talk to you.
Filling the sink with hot, soapy water, you sensed, rather than saw, Cassian follow you into the kitchen, body tensing up as he silently walked to your side. You worked in silence, scrapping dishes, washing plates, drying, and putting away. Cassian’s eyes were fixed on you, brows furrowing further with every passing moment you continued to ignore him.
“Y/N,” His voice was quiet, unsure. So different to his usual tone that it had you involuntarily turning to face him. Your heart stammered in your chest, the longing and hurt and confusion that had been tearing you apart in your time away from him threatened to burst as you finally met his hazel stare. “Are you… Are we okay? You just left and I had to find out from Az that you’re staying at the town house and now you can barely even look at me.”
His words came out hurried, frantic, as though if he spoke any slower you would disappear. Guilt flooded you at the hurt you found in his eyes, but your anger was still very much present, the lingering fear of him choosing Nesta over you held too strong for you to succumb to those feelings of guilt.
“I just need some time.” Voice barely above a whisper, you inwardly cursed as your vision blurred over with tears.
“Time for what? Y/N I don’t know what’s going on–”
“You both okay?”
Neither you nor Cassian heard Azriel approach, both turning to gape at your friend who hesitantly stood in the doorway.
“Fine. Just fine.” You pushed past him on your way out, not giving Cassian a second glance as you entered the spacious loungeroom to say goodnight to everyone. A few moments later the pair walked in after you, you missed the loaded glances they shared, not privy to the hurried conversation they had after you left the kitchen where Cassian had all but begged Azriel to intervene, to allow him the chance to finally talk to you.
“Hey, Y/N?” You turned to look expectantly at Azriel. “Did you still need me to fly you up to the House of Wind for that book?”
“Oh. Yeah, if that’s alright?” In your rush to get away the night you left you had forgotten to pack the next book you had been planning to read.
“Does tonight work? If you’re just about to head off…”
“Sure, I was just going to go…home.” Your voice trailed at the end, willing the blush away as you kept your head held high. You felt as though you didn’t know what home was anymore.
“Great, Cassian was just about to leave as well. He’ll take you up there.” With a clap to Cassian’s shoulder, Azriel sauntered over to where Rhys and Amren were talking, brushing off their questioning glances as he pointedly ignored you, allowing no room for dispute.
“Oh…”
“Is that alright?” You tensed at Cassian’s voice, glancing over your shoulder to find his wary eyes on you. It wasn’t like you could say no, it was not alright, without making a scene. You would be having words with Azriel the next time you saw him; judging by the slight smirk he was wearing, he seemed to assume just as much.
“Erm, yes. If that’s okay?” Cassian simply nodded before gesturing to the front door and, after another quick goodbye to everyone, you found yourselves outside. Another fumbled moment, then you were held tightly in Cassian’s arms with the rush of the crisp night air and an uncomfortable silence engulfing you both as he flew you towards the House of Wind.
You couldn’t stand the awkwardness. It had never been like this between the two of you and you hated that this is what it had come to. The relationship you shared, whether that be friendship or more, it had always come so naturally. Now you were faced with a stilted, tense atmosphere, not quite knowing what to say or where you stood. Then there had been the fight. Sure, you had argued before, after decades of knowing each other, you were bound to come into some disagreements along the way. But you had never had a fight like this, where you had both been so riled up, fuming at the other to the point where you had both stormed away and then not spoken for days. You hated it.
So caught up in your thoughts, you missed the slight detour Cassian was taking you on, only noticing once you were placed back on your feet and found yourself in the middle of the training ring, rather than the usual balcony that led into the house itself.
“What…”
“We’re hashing this out. Right now.”
“You want to…fight?”
“What?” Cassian did a double take, as if just connecting the location with why you would think that. “No, I don’t want to fight. That’s the problem, we are fighting. This just seemed like the most private place to work things out.”
You eyed him hesitantly, not knowing what you wanted your next step to be, especially when the urge to wrap your arms around him and inhale the scent that was so him, the scent that had become home, was so strong.
“So, words or swords?” Your eyes snapped to Cassian as he fiddled with the one of the discarded swords you usually sparred with.
Words
You wanted words. To talk this all out and be done with it, whichever way that turned out to be. But then an image flashed across your mind; an image of Cassian standing up here with Nesta, hands guiding her into the correct form, fingers shifting along her own to straighten her hold on the blade…
Without a single word, you walked to where Cassian was and hauled your own blade up.
“Okay then.” There was a slight smirk on Cassian’s face as he followed behind you into the centre of the training ring. The quirk of his eyebrow was all you needed before you were moving towards him, swords meeting with a clash that pierced the night.
You didn’t think about the moves you were making, giving way to centuries of refined and well-practiced instinct. Cassian was stronger, you knew he would hold out for longer, but you were well matched for now. Both of your foreheads started to sheen in sweat, pants of exertion echoed alongside the clank and clash of swords, and as you moved around and against one another, you finally let out all of your pent-up emotions until you had nothing left.
“I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” You gasped before dropping the sword and falling to your knees, tears streamed down your face at the sudden emotional outlet. Cassian was by your side in an instant, his sword dropped to the ground in a ricochetting crash.
“Y/N,” His voice was alert, on-edge, eyes dancing over you as he tried to work out what was wrong. “Are you hurt?” The frantic tone now had sobs racking from your chest, shaking your head you surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cried and cried and cried. Without a second thought, Cassian had his arms around you, pulling you into his lap as he softly caressed your back and whispered soothing words into your ear.
He stayed silent, giving you the time and space to calm down and filter through your thoughts. Not once rushing you or demanding answers after a week of uncertainty.
“I’m sorry, Cass. I’m so fucking sorry, for everything. I just…” At least you managed to get a few words out before you were overcome with tears once again. You weren’t sure what they were for at this point with so many thoughts and scenarios racing through your head: the fight, Cassian being your mate, Cassian getting close with Nesta, Cassian leaving you, Cassian leaving you for Nesta, and then you being forced to watch them be together, knowing you couldn’t stand the thought of him not being in your life, in whatever capacity you were granted.
“Shhh,” He soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he softly rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
With a deep breath, you nodded against his chest in an attempt to compose yourself. Noting in the position you were in, you could have laughed if you weren’t feeling so empty and deflated; this is how you had both gotten into this in the first place, all those years ago when you thought you would never see Rhys again – both of you with your arms around each other, crying and saying everything was going to be okay. Only this time, you weren’t so sure if the strength of your relationship would hold.
“Please, talk to me, Y/N. What’s going through that head of yours.”
You couldn’t take not knowing what was going to happen any longer. So with a final sniffle, you leant back, sitting on the ground beside him and pulling your knees up to your chest as you held your arms tightly around yourself.
“I don’t know where to start…”
“What about when you decided you wanted the others to know?” There was no malice in his voice, only gentle concern that prodded you to continue.
“I’ve always wanted the others to know,” You ignored Cassian’s slight indignation, “But it was never the right time, what with everything that was happening then, and everything that’s happened since. It felt like the right decision at the time, it felt safe. It was nice knowing that this was just for us when so much was going wrong. But I want to be with you outside of our room. I want to be able to hold your hand and walk through Velaris, kiss you in front of our friends, not pretend that you don’t mean the world to me, because you do Cassian.”
He remained quiet, letting you talk and giving you the space to get everything off your chest but the lingering presence of his hand drawing soothing circles across your back had you feeling grounded. “I love you and the thought of losing you has been tearing me apart.” You winced at the tremor in your voice, gaze fixed on the ground in front of you.
You didn’t dare mention the fact that you were mates. Not yet. He deserved the chance to properly say what needed to be said, without the cauldron’s interference tying him down if he did, in fact, want to leave.
“Why do you think you’re losing me?” Cassian’s voice was quiet and contemplative, as though processing everything you had said but not quite connecting the dots. The kiss to the side of your head had you inhaling a shaky breath and you forced yourself to will away the tears that threatened to spill.
“We’ve been so distant lately; we never get to see each other. And, look, I know it’s for Rhys, but I’m away all the time, and you’re always with Nesta. Then the other night when you said you didn’t want to share our room anymore, and that you were afraid she would find out… I don’t know, I guess it all just became too much.” You could feel his eyes on you but the blush burning your cheeks had you refusing to meet his gaze.
A moment later, Cassian softly said, “I never said I didn’t want to share a room with you, believe me, I want to spend every moment I can with you–” You made a noise of protest, but Cassian gently shushed you before continuing. “But Rhys and Feyre need Nesta to be okay and he’s given that job to me. I should’ve spoken to you about it first or explained it better when I said I was going to sleep in my old room. But you saw what Nesta was like before we got her up here, I didn’t think her seeing, or hearing, us together would be all that helpful – especially when she was using sex as a way to cope with everything.”
“Oh…” You felt stupid. Stupid and selfish and completely undeserving of the amazing, considerate male beside you.
“And,” Cassan continued with a playful nudge of his shoulder, “You have no idea how much I want everyone to know about us. No idea how hard it has been to not tell everyone that this amazing, brilliant, strong, kind female is mine. And just how hard it has been seeing other males so much as look at you without being able to say anything to them.”
You still couldn’t tear your eyes from the ground in front of you, but Cassian noticed the soft smile tugging at your lips.
“Cauldron, if you want, I can fly us back to the River House right now. We can tell everyone exactly what’s been going on, you can kiss me in front of all of our friends then we can go into Velaris, I’ll even let you hold my hand as we walk around.” Another playful nudge had you softly chuckling, eyes finally darting over to look at Cassian. Your heart faltered at the expression on his face, the complete love and adoration that laced his features as he watched you, his own mouth pulling into a smile at the laugh he managed to pull from you.
“Yeah?” Your voice was still slightly hoarse from your previous tears, but it was a touch lighter. You felt lighter.
“Yeah.” Cassian stretched his legs out in front of him, wrapping one arm around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, leaning back on the other.
Still, some doubt lingered. It couldn’t be this easy. Things were never this easy.
“So, you’re not going to leave me?” You couldn’t remember the last time you felt shy in front of him, and you hated yourself for asking, hated that he might think you weak, needy, pathetic – the words raced around, threatening to send you into a panic.
“Never,” That one word had you relaxing immediately. “You would have to force me to leave you, and even then… I’m not going aware, Sweetheart.”
You could have melted at his words. You swore you did as you leant against him, letting out a small sigh of relief, a breath you had been holding for days, weeks, months.
“Y/N?” His voice sent a shiver down your spine, the words whispered into your ear as his breath fanned across your skin. “Can I please kiss you now?”
You tilted your head up to face him, a small smile gracing your features as he slanted his lips over your own and you immediately felt as though you had returned home.
Pulling away all too quickly, your lips desperately chased his, only to receive a playful peck in response before Cassian was helping you to your feet.
“Come on,”
“Cass?” You laugh was laced with confusion, yet you followed him anyway, watching as he picked up the discarded sparring swords and placing them back alongside the others.
“What? We’ve got some news to share,” He stole another quick kiss as he laced your hands together.
“Now?”
“Yes now,” He mocked with a playful grin, “I don’t want to waste another moment, especially when it has you feeling as though–”
The abrupt stop to Cassian’s words had the smile slipping from your face as you took in his wide eyes and startled expression.
“Cassian, what’s wrong?”
“Y/N… You’re…” He let out a disbelieving laugh as he continued to stare at you, drinking in every feature, every miniscule detail and expression that crossed your face. Turning your head, you tried to look around for the cause of his sudden change in demeanour, only to be met with gentle, yet calloused, hands cupping your face, urging you to meet his gaze before his lips were pressed over yours again.
Despite the confusion, you gratefully accepted and leant into the kiss, relaxing as his arms draped around your waist and as you let your fingers travel up his neck before tangling into his hair. Cassian was breathing heavily when he pulled away, you could hear the pounding of his heart as he pressed his forehead against yours. His eyes remained tightly shut, the feel of his lashes fluttering across your skin sent your own heart fluttering in response.
Then he mumbled something incoherently; too quiet and smothered for you to even begin to comprehend.
“Hmm?” You asked, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth as you ran your fingers through his hair.
Another murmur had you pulling away, eyebrows furrowing as you took in his dumbfounded expression and the way his eyes were still tightly shut. But there was now a smile tugging at his lips.
“Cass?”
“Mate. You’re my mate.” His eyes snapped open, revealing complete, utter joy as he stared at you with wonder and bewilderment.
Oh. Right.
“And you’re my mate.” At least you didn’t have to keep this to yourself any longer.
Cassian tilted his head as he processed your reaction and the way your lips spread into a soft, loving smile.
“You knew. You already knew.” Although his voice was laced with exasperation, his face held nothing but love and giddy excitement, eyes bright as he met yours. You sent a wave of affirmation down the newly linked bond, watching with joy as Cassian’s eyes lit up even further at the sensation. You knew you were grinning just as stupidly back at him when you felt a tug of your own filled with nothing but love.
The two of you stood there grinning and staring at one another as though seeing the other in a new light. Then you were both moving, arms a flurry as they desperately wrapped around the other, lips meeting in a loving and passionate kiss that only intensified with each tug that raced down the bond, igniting the need for more, so much more.
A gentle tap from Cassian and you were quick to jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist as his arms held you tightly against him. Through the kisses and moans and soft sighs, somehow Cassian found himself moving, walking the two of you to the door that would lead you inside and to your room.
“Wait,” You pulled back, gasping for air as you leant your forehead against his, legs still tightly wrapped around his middle. Cassian was panting just as heavily, waiting on your every move and word. “Kitchen.”
The suggestive grin he shot you went straight to your core, the feeling only amplified as he attached his lips to your neck. “I think I like where this is heading,” A soft moan sounded in the back of your throat as he tugged on your earlobe, then he was walking again, albeit very quickly, towards the kitchen, his lips back on yours.
“No, idiot,” Another moan had your breathless words halting immediately. “Food.”
Now Cassian pulled away, looking at you through the haze of love and lust, now tainted by a hint of confusion.
“Food,” You continued, pressing a kiss to his lips before trailing along his jaw and returning the favour with a tug on his earlobe. “For the mating bond.”
You felt Cassian’s body tense against you, “You’re going to accept it?”
“Yes…” you said tentatively, not quite understanding the need for his question because what other answer was there?
The intensity in which he kissed you had him stumbling back a few steps, arms wrapping even tighter around you to keep you in his arms.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Your gaze softened as you took in his uncertain expression, as you felt it through the bond.
“No, I don’t know. I just thought… I mean, you’re… Do you really want to be tied to a bastard-born Illy…” You cut his words off with a sharp look and a deep kiss that conveyed exactly what you thought of what he had just implied. Then you were sending every ounce of love and affection that you could muster towards him, heart melting as his expression changed and with the way he looked at you whilst processing the raw, vulnerability of the emotions surging down the bond.
You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, barely more than a lingering peck before saying, “Please can you let me give you some food now? I’ve been keeping this in all week.”
“All week? You’ve known about this since…”
“It snapped during our fight,” You shrugged, not wanting to relive it now that you had finally reached this point.
It was Cassian’s turn to pull you into a tender kiss before you found yourself overwhelmed by the new sensation of his emotions landing right above your heart.
“I think we can hold off on telling the others for just a little bit longer.”
“I think you’re absolutely right,” You tapped his arm gently and he placed you back onto your feet. Lacing your fingers with his, you pulled him into the kitchen and made him take a seat while you went about putting a plate of food together.
“Besides,” You continued, suddenly remembering Azriel’s involvement, “Az already knows. So I’m sure the others have put the pieces together by now and will steer clear for a few days.”
“A few weeks more like.” You grinned at the slight growl in his voice and the hunger in his eyes as his gaze remained fixed on you.
“Here,” Your voice was almost breathless, stomach fluttering with excitement and nerves as you pushed the plate towards him. Cassian briefly glanced down at it then, with a look of well-honed restraint, he slowly stood and walked over to you, pulling you in for a kiss as he murmured, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Without tearing his eyes away from you, Cassian reached across the table for the plate, eating everything on it as you remained transfixed on one another, basking in the feeling of the bond you shared growing stronger and stronger until, at last, everything felt as though it had finally fallen into place.
*****
Thanks for reading 🥰
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Them: Azriel is over Elain! He said he doesn't have a mate and isn't dating anyone. He's not even thinking about Elain anymore by HoFaS.
Me: Tf is this then?
Why on earth would Bryce notice Azriel taking a pause to look towards his blade, something she knows nothing about, while talking about the death of the King of Hybern? This situation got so mischaracterized to say he did not give credit to Elain for killing the king. This wilfully ignores the entire context of the crossover, where Azriel is side eyeing Nesta the entire time for giving up too much information. He is intentionally being secretive (you know, as Azriel does,) and yet we have this on page nugget right here where he is actively thinking about Elain while he is speaking. There is no other function to bringing attention to Azriel looking down at Truth-Teller while discussing how the King was killed. And he intentionally did not say Nesta killed the king. He said she "removed his head."
Also me: Additionally- wtf is this then?
Again, there is *no function* to Bryce noticing Azriel listening closely to Nesta discuss whether or not she is happier being Fae now unless it is to add depth to his perspective and frame of mind. We already know his mind drifted to Elain during this conversation. What else is a major on page moment for Az and Elain? When he helps her recover from Amren telling her at the dinner table in ACOFAS that she can't ever become human again.
Azriel's heart was broken seeing Elain struggle to adjust to being Fae and potentially wish she was still human. His eyes were filled with sorrow. Then he calls Amren a lil mouse and Elain's eyes fill with light that Feyre will not see dimmed further.
Of course Azriel is interested in hearing the sisters discuss if they prefer being Fae or not. This calls back to a scene that has already happened on page, just like the nod to Truth-Teller.
He is still thinking about Elain. These connections are not a stretch. They are quite explicit and direct.
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Wrongfully Imprisoned Azriel x Female Reader
Warnings: Violence
You had never felt as embarrassed as you did now being led out of a shop in the middle of Velaris for attempted theft/fraud. You tried to hide your face from the crowd that had gathered to watch the spectacle. It was all a misunderstanding. You had found a beautiful dress and went to pay for it using Azriel's account. Apparently, he hadn't added you as an authorized user yet, and so now you were being escorted to prison. You had tried to explain to the shopkeeper that you were Azriel's mate, but they just sneered at you as if you were lying. When the guards came to escort you away, you pleaded with them to get Azriel, but they wouldn't listen. They insisted he didn't have time to waste on someone as trivial as you. Once you realized no one was going to listen, you kept quiet.
Once you arrived at the prison, you were placed in a holding cell. You were silently resigned to your fate since you couldn't reach Azriel, and you weren't sure if any of the others would notice. In one last attempt, you try to get the guards to get ahold of Azriel for you, "Please! This is just a misunderstanding. You need to get Azriel. He'll clear this all up!" You hear footsteps approaching, so you take a step back. The door unlocks, and a guard steps in, crowding your space. "I've told you already, the spymaster is too busy to deal with a nobody like you! Now shut up or else!" He threatens. "Please, I assure you I'm his mate -" You're cut off by his hand slapping you across the face, forcing you to the ground. "I said, shut up!" He yells before leaving you locked in the cell alone.
As the minutes turn to hours, you start to get worried. You keep trying the bond, but it's silent. You've tried to reach out to Rhys, but there's no response. Your face still stings from being hit. You're sure you'll have a bruise. You lay down facing away from the door as try to will yourself to sleep. Drowning out the loudness of the other and muttering of the guards. You eventually drift off into a restless sleep.
Azriel had returned home to find the house empty. He knew you said you were going shopping, but he would've thought you'd be back by now. He tugged on the bond and felt the emptiness of it. He became worried as he reached out to Rhys to see if he or Feyre had seen you. Once he confirmed they hadn't, Rhys said he'll check with the other to see if they had. Azriel takes off towards town, hoping to find you amongst the crowds still out and about. He doesn't see any sign of you, and Rhys informs him that no one else has seen you either. He tries the bond again, and is still met with emptiness. He remembers telling you to use his account to buy whatever you wanted.
After barging into the bank, he asks them to pull up his spending records from the day. As they pull records, the teller helping him says no purchases were made. "My mate has been shopping all day, so surely there must be some transactions for today." He says impatiently. "Looks like the only transaction for today was flagged as fraud. it looks like an unauthorized user was trying to make a purchase." She says. "When and what store?!" He demands. She tells him before he takes off towards the store. He has Rhys meet him there. Once inside, they quickly find the employee working.
"Earlier today, a woman came in and tried to use my account. Where did she go?!" Azriel says. "I remember her. She was arrested after trying to use your account, claiming to be your mate." She says as her eyes roam over him. "You had her arrested?!" He shouts. "Obviously, she was lying and trying to steal from you. There's no way she was your mate. Look at her, then look at you. You're way too hot for her." She says. Azriel's reatraint is hanging by a thread as Rhys pulls him away from her, "it didn't think that maybe you should contact me to verify any of what she said?!" He shouts, "I should throw you in prison!" Rhys pulls him outside, "Come on, we need to go get y/n." Rhys says.
Once they arrive at the prison, the guards stand at attention. "The female that was brought in claiming to be my mate, where is she?!" Azriel demands. "Oh, she's a crazy one, for sure. She is still in holding, sir." The guard from earlier says. "None of you thought it best to contact me and tell me what was going on?" He says through clenched teeth. "We didn't think you'd want to bother with such a matter." He says. "SHE IS MY MATE!!" He yells, waking you up to the sound of his voice. "Azriel?!" You call. Moments later, you hear footsteps running closer to you. In an instant, he has your cell unlocked and is holding you close to him.
"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner, princess." He says gently. "I begged them to get a hold of you, but they wouldn't listen." You say as he kisses the top of your head. He pulls away from you to look at you. His eyes darken when they land on your face, seeing the bruising on your face. "Who did it?" He asks gently. He watches as your eyes drift to the guard standing behind Rhys. "Why did you touch her?!" He questions him without taking his eyes off you. "She wouldn't follow orders, sir." He states calmy. "And what were the orders she didn't follow?" He asks as he turns to face the guard. "She wouldn't remain quiet." He says. "Did he tell you to stay quiet, princess?" Azriel asks.
"He told me to shut up or else." You say as Azriel turns his attention back to the guard. The guard glares at you, "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know who she was." "She told you multiple times who she was, and you never bothered to look into it! Instead, you called her crazy and laid your hands on what doesn't belong to you!" Azriel says eerily calm. He stands in front of the guard as his shadows linger around you. The guard doesn't have time to dodge as Azriel's fist connects with his jaw, knocking him to the floor. Azriel is on top of him in a second, hammering his fist into the side of the guards face as he tells him how incompetent he is and how things will be changing.
You watch as your mate bloodies his face until Rhys pulls him off. Azriel turns his attention to you, "Let's go home, princess. You've spent more than enough time here." He says as he wraps an arm around you. He takes you home and carries you into the bathroom before sitting you down on the vanity. You grab a wash cloth and run it under warm water before gently cleaning his bloodied hands. Once his hands are clean, you put some salve on his knuckles before gently wrapping them. "I should be the one taking care of you." He says as he leans his forehead against yours. "We'll take care of each other." You say softly as you hold onto his waist. "Let's get you ready for bed." He says before he starts to undress you and help you into one of his shirts.
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Azriel is jealous of Lucien
Azriel is 100% jealous of Lucien and here is, in my opinion, why:
1. There's the obvious factor: he has a mate and Azriel does not (or so he thinks). He's jealous of Rhysand and Cassian for this but he still manages to be happy for them because they're his closest friends. But he perceives Lucien as this "outsider," yet he got a mate while Azriel did not.
2. Truthfully? Lucien and Azriel have many similarities, particularly when you consider their backstories. Both grew up in abusive households and have difficulty getting over females that are not their mates despite their conviction that they are (Jesminda and Mor). Both feel like outsiders, although it's wild that Azriel feels that way considering he has Rhys and Cass but whatever. They even both have scars as a result of unbearable cruelty. But while Azriel came out of that situation with unresolved anger issues and a tendency towards violence (as demonstrated during the High Lord's meeting) and a darkness to him, Lucien came out of that situation a gentleman, still managing to be kind and with an incredible amount of self-restraint and lightness to him (and typically opting for nonviolence). Azriel sees himself as a bad person and he resents the fact that Lucien still maintains himself as a good person despite it all.
3. Lucien was easily accepted as a part of the group as his true self (or that's what Azriel sees) while Azriel still feels like he can't be his true self. He admitted in the bonus chapter that he only lets Rhys see the full extent of his anger because Rhysand is the only one who can match it. So, he doesn't even show his full anger to Cassian or Feyre.
And look at them during the solstice in ACOSF:
Rhys sprawled in an armchair, and Cassian occupied a second
armchair with Lucien leaning against it, arguing with them about something that seemed related to a sporting event.
vs Azriel:
Azriel lingered near the door, quiet enough that when Feyre and Mor
began talking about some of her paintings, Nesta went over to him.
Lucien, with his ability to talk with people, worked his magic on Rhysand and Cassian easily. Lucien, despite having to deal with the strain of the mating bond, is still managing to converse with them while their own best friend of centuries cannot bear the scent of Lucien's bond, even though the person most affected by it isn't him.
4. Azriel feels replaced by Lucien. He is the Inner Circle's spy, mainly, but he isn't good for much else if we're being honest. Lucien, on the other hand, can ALSO spy. Evidence:
Lucien took a steadying breath, and I wondered—wondered if
being emissary also meant being spymaster.
Apart from that, he has exceptional abilities with people. He was instantly seen working his magic when the IC was having difficulty working out a time and place for the High Lord meeting. He helped create the antidote for the faebane as well.
Then there's Azriel's other use: being a warrior.
Lucien is a warrior too. And he is so powerful that he was able to venture into the continent by himself where even Rhysand with all his power feared to tread and come back with a large army which was essential for their victory.
And post-war, he is the one keeping Prythian together, along with his beloved older brother Eris.
He had to give Lucien credit: the male was somehow able to move
between his three roles—an emissary for the Night Court, ally to Jurian and Vassa, and liaison to Tamlin—and still dress immaculately.
Then there is this from Azriel:
“No. But we need to summon Lucien,” Azriel said, just a shade tightly, as if he didn’t like it one bit.
Elriels take this to be about Elain, but I actually believe this is further evidence of his complete and utter jealousy. It pains him to admit that the IC needs Lucien even more than they already did. With Lucien's increased role, Azriel's role further diminishes in Az's eyes.
So when Azriel says he thinks "Lucien will never be good enough for her?" He is projecting his own feelings onto Lucien. Deep down he knows that he is completely and utterly wrong for Elain and that Lucien is 100% right for her.
When he says that he'd "Defeat Lucien with little effort?" In his mind, it's a chance to regain some of his worth. He perceives that his only value to the IC is his spying and warrior abilities. He wants to prove that Lucien can't replace him because Azriel is better at these things. But in reality, he can't possibly believe he'd defeat the male who dominated Cassian with one word with little effort. Because even if he wasn't there for that moment, he knows Lucien survived the continent. He knows everything Lucien has been through and has definitely sparred with the guy. And we know Rhys agreed with him to keep him from getting any angrier or more frustrated.
The beef between Azriel and Lucien is soooo one-sided. Lucien thinks of him as a decent dude! These two could be best friends if Azriel got over his dumb jealousy. But I don't care; I'm a Lucien stan for life and you'd better start treating my man right. Going through trauma is NOT an excuse to choke people or challenge them to blood duels. Lucien has gone through plenty and he hasn't even lashed out at anyone, even though he'd be completely valid for doing so. Learn from Lulu, Az.
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Maybe it's my age talking, but I do think the Azriel vs. Lucien thing is blown way out of proportion.
There's a difference between attraction and being in love with someone, and another difference still between having a crush and being in love.
TL/DR: I genuinely think the biggest piece people overlook in this Azriel vs. Lucien puzzle is Elain herself and the layers of her internal conflict. Personally, I suspect it's much bigger than them both.
Here's the thing:
Azriel is gorgeous and is basically described as looking like a dark, fallen angel. He went into Hybern's war camp and got her out of there alongside Feyre, took her in his arms and flew her to safety. He's been kind to her, too. He hasn't pushed her to talk and has a quiet, strong presence that I'm sure is quite comforting to her.
There is zero expectation with him--zero pressure that she would even be able to create in her own mind. There's no "mate" term dangling over them and no friends or family breathing down their necks at every turn, acting like they should be supervised for something they didn't do. They're the only two people in their current circle (exempting Mor, though that's a bit different) who are still single. They both are constantly bombarded with this idea of "mates" and being on the outside of what that means.
I don't think it would be a reach at all to call her and Az friends.
It's not odd or confusing to me at all that she would have a crush on him; be attracted to him, want him to kiss her, or even to sleep with him. It seems completely natural.
I would argue that Az has been a gentleman towards her (and I will stand by the fact that internal frustrations are very different than actions, and that something expressed in confidence to your brother is nowhere near the same as acting out of turn), but I also wonder, too, if there's a part of her that makes her think she doesn't want a gentleman right now.
That while she's handled her trauma very differently than Nesta (thank the Cauldron), there's a part of her that's taken that robbing of life to heart and Graysen's whiny bitch comments/rejection to heart. That it's impacted her self-worth to make her think she is something "other" that's beyond saving or isn't worth the kind of fairytale love she always dreamed of for herself.
If I read into it perhaps a bit too much, I think Az is a little off when he assumes Elain doesn't know about the types of things he's done, whether that be atrocities or something more private. She might even see her involvement in killing Hybern to be some dark thing outside her nature she's having difficulty coming to terms with.
I'm not at all saying Az isn't a good guy who's deserving of love too, but I don't think what Elain's looking for with him in that extra chapter has much of anything to do with love. I think she wants a distraction with someone she thinks understands.
I think there's a chance, too, she's overwhelmed by Lucien being in the same house. Overwhelmed by that strong, involuntary pull she feels towards him and that she doesn't know what to make of him at all.
I will say it until I'm blue in the face, but I genuinely think the only barrier--the only real issue--that prevents her from warming to Lucien in the same or a similar way is that heavy, life-altering M-word that got slapped onto them both on arguably the worst day of her life.
He hasn't had the luxury of being around her as part of her family like Az has. Hasn't had the luxury of Elain seeing him fully through her own eyes without the "mate" label being forced into their lives. Yet it doesn't lessen the pull she has towards him, and that combined with everything she's experienced of mates thus far can't exactly be easy to process, especially after a brutal rejection, lost love, and lost future.
She isn't able right now to see the bond as a choice.
She doesn't even get the chance to evolve naturally into seeing it as a choice with the way her family hovers and breathes down her neck. How suddenly the most un-purity culture people in existence magically start caring a great deal about Elain's choices in that regard and insert themselves into chaperone roles like Elain and Lucien are two teenagers who can't control themselves at a junior high dance.
How confusing and contradictory that must be for Elain, who's been condescended and told by her sisters (namely Nesta) that the Fae don't live by human customs when it comes to sex or anything of the like. How the one time she did take that chance with someone she thought she loved it only got thrown back in her face by both Graysen and Nesta?
And what do we know about Lucien? He's devastatingly beautiful. Elegant yet rakish. An intelligent, educated, trained courtier and the son of a high lord. Even Feyre--a happily mated female--can't go five minutes in her internal monologues without noting how attractive and sexy he is even when he's doing absolutely nothing and minding his own business.
She knows he's Feyre's friend. She's heard some of the stories there. So she is aware, then, of at least some of the qualities her sister sees and admires in him despite their current rocky relationship.
Lucien is, in every way, being respectful of Elain's wishes and giving her space even though her rejection hurts him. He's still warring with the guilt of his own lost love in his mind and with a sense of unworthiness. He's been achingly thoughtful towards her; the epitome of a gentleman.
Elain would know that especially with that bond she doesn't fully understand, he's not someone she could simply have a pleasant distraction with. That he's someone who could see through her in every way she wants to hide and that she would never be able to hide in the mere idea that he simply doesn't press her (in the way Az doesn't press her).
Az feels safe right now and someone still attached to her comfort zone. He's a place she can continue to hide without fully facing her present and future and all Prythian is.
She can't hide her pain or suffering from Lucien in the same way. She can't quietly stare out the window into the sunlight without him knowing and feeling exactly what she needs.
She knows--senses--that she won't be able to separate the most vulnerable fragments of herself from her bond with Lucien. Again, a bond she didn't choose, and doesn't currently see that she still has a choice in.
So, she turns away from it in every way she knows how and looks for new ways to do so.
The way people treat Elain when it comes to her love life is so predictably (to her) unlike how Feyre and Nesta have been treated. Elain has always been different from them both, especially when it comes to love and sex. She's more modest and more reserved; has never been the type to fall into bed with some random man or Fae male. She's more guarded; a bit more protective of her own heart.
Maybe, to some extent, there's something she feels she needs to prove to herself. That she can fit within this more sexually liberated Fae world and that she's not some outsider in need of being treated with kid gloves.
Az, in that capacity, is definitely not someone who will. He's also not someone she can't keep her guard up with and can't keep her vulnerability from.
It would not surprise me either if there's a part of her that wants to deter Luicen (thinking back to Mor's tactic of deterring Azriel when she slept with Helion), but more strongly and importantly, to deter and distract herself from the bond. She doesn't want to allow herself to feel anything towards him.
The fact that she does feel a strong pull and, more likely than not, an overwhelming attraction of some kind makes me think it wasn't fully coincidence that she approached Az on Solstice when Lucien was in the same house.
I think she very much wanted to tie someone else to what she's feeling and try to get Lucien, the bond, and that dreaded M-word out of her mind.
Running the risk of sounding crude, Az could probably achieve that at least temporarily.
But it'd come right back. It's always been interesting to me that everyone seems to note that their bond is strong despite nothing having happened between them yet.
Until Elain acknowledges that bond and Lucien one way or another, that internal conflict she's clearly feeling is never going to change for her.
Two things can be true at once: we can fully acknowledge that neither Elain nor Lucien had a choice in the bond snapping between them, and that until they face it, neither one of them are going to have much choice in anything else at all. Not beyond a meaningless tangle in the sheets with someone else.
I think it would've been worse in the long run for Elain to learn that the hard way.
I also genuinely don't think Elain understands that there's nothing wrong with her for being different than her sisters or being different than the Fae norms. That there's nothing wrong with her for struggling to process this or for being overwhelmed.
She's still healing. She still has wounds she hasn't addressed. She's still hiding and seeking distractions while growing restless about wanting more from her life and being frustrated by her sisters' low expectations.
Feyre and Nesta love her, and it's not the protectiveness from love in itself that's wrong.
But they're suffocating her.
Lucien is, in every way, a person who never could. He's something so different and "other" than what she's used to both as a human and as a Fae while also being a bridge between those worlds. He can function in both. He can thrive in both.
He can see, perhaps too clearly, all sides of her whether she likes it or not.
I think she also very much senses he's the type she could fall in love with. The type she'll never be able to fully distract herself from if she lets herself fall or take that leap.
Her heart's still wounded, and she's not ready to risk opening that again right now.
That doesn't mean she won't be later on, and that doing so won't be incredibly worth it.
She will never find herself or open that chance up to herself, though, if she also keeps hiding in only the channels she knows. The barriers--intentional or otherwise--set around her by her sisters.
I do think that's inevitably going to be the difference between them, though: Elain and Lucien are going to face their reality and find healing together and in each other, and in the process, are going to end up falling in love. Real, true, soulful love.
Lucien's love is the kind that will leave her wondering why she ever thought she'd known what love is in the first place, and what they could find in each other is the kind of love they both deserve.
I cannot wait to see Elain facing her fears when she's fully free to do so. I can't wait to see her getting to know Lucien without the IC watching their every move and making her feel like a caged animal. I can't wait to see her find her strength, her love, and the fullest extent of her freedom.
That's not to say that Az would not have many wonderful qualities he could offer her too, but the person she's going to find more of herself than she every thought possible with is Lucien.
Az, in my humble opinion, is likely going to end up with someone else. An actual mate where he'll find his own healing alongside.
#elucien#acotar#elain archeron#lucien vanserra#azriel#TL/DR: I am completely unwilling to demonize one or the other of these males#hot takes
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I'm gonna need the ACOTAR fandom to be so fcking for real right now. Which of these is a better story?
A) An uncomfortable/awkward indifference between two people that have been declared mates already, turns into love. Join Elain & Lucien as they grow...and heal...together...and end up together to the surprise of absolutely no one. Elain, again, bends to the will of others and makes a choice that makes everyone else happy. She leaves her sisters, and moves into the human lands or day/spring/autumn/anywhere but Night court with Lucien for her happily ever after.
B) A priestess who is afraid around men due to her traumatic past ventures out to start her healing journey by learning self defense in order to never be weak again – only to fall for her training instructor. They fall in love through training, where the instructor is very careful and respectful of her and all the other women he trains. The training instructor is known as a freak in bed, and she is suddenly all healed to go have kinky sex with him. Follow their journey of fighting, and fucking, and bantering, and fucking some more as they fight and banter. There are ribbons and friendship bracelets. And a pegasus shows up.
C) A woman who everyone underestimates and makes decisions for finally gets to make her own choice. Fate has given her a partner she does not want, who makes her uncomfortable. An iron crockpot has stripped her of her mortality and forced her into a life she did not choose for herself.
Yet, this woman, this female, is so lovely and good that she finds the best in things, despite the circumstances. She adapts to her new life, her new world. She makes friends, she tries to bridge the gap between her relationship with her sisters. In the process of acclimating to her new life, she starts to have feelings for someone else.
A quiet male, the first to truly see her for who she is. The first to talk to her like a real person, the first to hand her a powerful weapon, the first to discover her powers and free her from her depressive murky realm. The male seems to want her too, but is careful around her because she already has a mate. Yet, he cannot seem to stay away from her. One night, under the cover of the night, they meet and are about to share a kiss when something pulls him away. He says "This is a mistake" and she is hurt - Was she imagining all the secret touches? The shy glances? The time they spent together?
She doesn't know that he was physically ordered away from her. The High Lord of their court ordered the male to stay away from her, claimed that she is already spoken for. The male immediately argues, says, "You can't order me to do that". But after some more angry threats, he relents. His own brother basically affirmed the fact that he does not deserve a female as lovely as her. He is tortured endlessly of how he could love someone so much, and yet, fate gave her to someone else?
Then their journey officially begins in the next book. Fate once again, brings the two secret lovers together. Circumstances demand Elain train her powers, and who better to do that than the Spymaster himself? He is the only person (other than Amren, perhaps) with the type of skills (Seeing/Hearing/Spying without physically being there) to be able to understand how to build her powers. They train together, are forced to interact and finally they make up. They cannot stay away from each other, but they have been expressly forbidden to be together. So they sneak away to the garden, under the covers of the stars, when not even the shadows are awake to witness the two lovers find peace in one another. Their love, their bond grows stronger - until Azriel can't physically stay away from her and he finally tells her his suspicions - that they also share a bond. Once it snaps into place, Elain, sweet lovely Elain, understands she has been given not one bond, but two bonds. The cauldron loved her so much, it wanted her to have the choice of whom to love. Elain, after understanding this, decides they've hidden their love long enough. She accepts the bond with Azriel, making her choice forever. They live happily ever after, raising their kids alongside her sisters and their mates.
Idk you guys, clearly I have a bias, but I'm going for option C 🤭
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Bonus Chapters matter.
While they also don't.
What I mean by that is the information presented in them is important only if the author continues on with the information presented in them in the actual book that everyone has access too.
There are still people shocked to find out about the Azriel bonus from SF. Had they missed reading it, they would have never known about the almost kiss with Elain, about the regifting of the necklace, about Gwyn sparking something in Az's chest.
Nesta and Cassian shared a near kiss in the ACOMAF bonus but you know what happened after that?
We are not left questioning whether Cassian has feelings towards Nesta and we don't need the Bonus Chapter to tell us that. You can remain completely unaware that Wings and Embers exists yet still see that Cassian is drawn to her.
The bonus is a fun little extra but it's not really the main source for telling us what we need to know.
Without the bonus, all Elain and Az interactions drop off after Solstice.
Before that, there's the question of whether there might be something between them but Az is still jealous over Mor (which we see in his interaction with Helion) and how he interrupts Nesta's question about Elain to ask about Mor. So while E/riel did share a charged look, there's enough to make us doubt exactly what it is we're seeing and SJM does not give us reason to think it was anything at all considering there are zero clues after Solstice (not on his end or hers).
After Solstice, even if you had missed the Az bonus, you would have seen his banter with Gwyn become more apparent. Where Az has zero mentions of anything with either Elain or Mor related but where he shows admiration and amusement towards Gwyn and where she is sassy towards him "see you tomorrow, Shadowsinger", where Nesta tells Az he's Gwyn's new ribbon.
We don't need the bonus to see that something has shifted for he and Gwyn, it's subtle but it's there.
But there are Elucien clues after the Feyre bonus. In the Feyre bonus, she thinks on how if Elain had been wearing Lucien's gift from last Solstice, nothing would have pierced her. Had you not read that particular bonus you would have still seen that Lucien stares at her with longing on Solstice and how Elain is standing near Helion for the fist time ever on Starfall. Again, subtle clues but there is something there versus nothing for Az and Elain after his bonus.
Elain standing next to her mates unknown father sets the stage for them to have future interactions and where Helion is, Lucien will eventually be.
Sarah mentioning how Cassian and Az will still train the Valkyrie after the Rite sets them up for future interactions.
But there is nothing that sets up Az and Elain for anything in the future once Solstice has passed. She's not connected to the time travel plots (Az and Gwyn are). She's not connected to Illyrian plots (Az and Gwyn are). She's not connected to the Valkyrie (Az and Gwyn are).
Az is not connected to the Trove items (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Koschei (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Vassa (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Spring (Elain and Lucien are).
So again, the bonus chapter matters but it doesn't matter all that much. If SJM does not carry on the information learned in the bonus in the actual book then it's information that isn't going to matter all that much moving forward.
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The development of Elriel (so far)
This is my (rather long) breakdown of what I believe to be the timeline of their relationship so far. I don't believe they love each other at this point in the books, but I definitely think they're on that path, and this is how we got there:
ACOMAF
This is when they first meet, but there are no romantic feelings between them.
During this book, Elain is in love and engaged and Azriel is still very much in love with Mor. However, when they meet, it is clear that they feel comfortable around each other.
Feyre points out that she thinks Elain would cling to Azriel for peace and quiet if she came to Velaris. That gives us the image of them together but, again, there are no romantically coded interactions between them.
At the end of the book, Elain is turned and learns that her mate is Lucien.
ACOWAR
This is where things start to get interesting.
In this book, Elain is still in love with Graysen and Azriel is still in love with Mor, but we start to see a shift as they spend time together.
From Azriel's perspective, I think he finds it easy to be around her, and finds her presence comforting, which is why he takes her out to the garden not once, but twice. He takes notice of her when others are writing her off as crazy and discovers what, specifically, has been plaguing her since she was turned fae. Not even Nesta really made that effort.
Not to mention, she calls his scars beautiful, which is something he is deeply insecure about.
He grows to care for her, but not yet romantically, as evidenced by his continued feelings for Mor. He probably didn't consider it given his feelings, her struggles, her mating bond, and her engagement.
But then he was the first to think of her when something mysterious went through the war camp. He was the first to volunteer to get her out, and he didn't want to let her go even when he was injured.
I think the rescue is when he first starts to realize that he cares for Elain more than normal. In fact, he cared for her enough that when the final battle came, he gave her Truth-Teller, something he never let another person touch before. Not even Mor, the person he's loved for 500 years.
From Elain's perspective, she's never been lower. She's lost her whole future she was excited for, she lost her mortality, and now she's seeing things others can't and is doing her best to communicate it but people aren't understanding her.
Then, someone listens. Someone figures it out. The very person who had taken her out to the garden and was content to sit quietly with her. The very person who had made her feel comfortable the first time the big scary fae came into her home when she was still human.
He pulled her out of that murky realm because he listened to her. Because he saw her when even her mate couldn't.
Of course, Elain still held out hope that she could marry Graysen. She wasn't about to jump into a relationship with anyone else. She wasn't interested.
But then he rejected her and she was clearly upset about it. While she was wallowing in her tent, the Cauldron kidnaps her and takes her right into the middle of the enemy's camp, which must have been horrifically terrifying. When she was chained and gagged and waiting for her captors to decide what to do with her, her rescuers arrive, and the first face she saw was the very same one that rescued her from her own mind.
"You came for me."
After helping her twice, she is now not only comfortable around him, but trusts him completely. So when he offers her his knife, she takes it, trusting what he offers her more than Cassian.
Then, of course, she was actually able to use TT, but that doesn't really affect the development of their relationship, so I'm gonna ignore it for now.
ACOFAS
This is where it starts to pick up.
Coming into this book, we now know that Elain and Azriel care for each other, but it's too early for either of them to jump into a relationship.
Elain is still mourning her relationship with Graysen.
Azriel still clearly has some residual feelings for Mor. There are some longing glances at her, a blush on his cheeks when she gives him a shitty present. But it's important to note that this is the last time we see that from him. We never see it again after the headache powder.
The other moments between Elain and Az in this book are great. The potatoes, his approaching her to wish her a happy solstice, they show us that these two characters have some budding feelings for each other, but the headache powder is by far the most significant moment because it changes everything.
Not only did it make him laugh in a way that took Feyre completely by surprise, but after centuries of receiving the most half-assed, mediocre gifts from the woman he loved, someone came along (someone who he already had some feelings for) and gave him a personal gift. A gift to show that she saw him, that she cared for him.
And then the two of them stayed up to the middle of the night talking about gardening. Azriel engages with Elain's interests and is trying to see her the way she clearly saw him.
ACOSF
We get less time with the two of them in this book, but that makes sense given that Nesta needed space from her sisters to heal.
But this is the book where it's pointed out to us through Cassian's POV that Az no longer seemed interested in Mor.
We see Az and Elain share a shy smile across the dinner table.
We see Az following the sound of Elain's laughter and "something charged" between them.
We see Nesta understand why Az keeps a distance at Solstice and she gives us "his secret to tell never hers"
All of this is meant to show us that they have feelings for each other. I don't believe it is yet love, but there is something there. Their feelings for others no longer seem to be an issue, the issue now is the mating bond. Which leads me to...
The bonus chapter
This BC is the final confirmation of Elain and Azriel's feelings.
They exchange thoughtful gifts, they nearly share a kiss, and they clearly have a mutual sexual attraction as well.
I'm sorry but you cannot tell me it's only lust on Az's part because of the headache powder, the thing that he's kept next to his bed and started at for a year.
He's not the type of person to lose so much sleep over being horny. It's been made clear to us on numerous occasions that he has no problem getting laid.
He wouldn't be willing to fight and possibly kill someone just for sex, either.
In the same way that the Nessian bonus chapter showed us that the barrier for their relationship was Nesta herself, I believe Az's bonus chapter is meant to show us that his barrier for a relationship with Elain would be the mating bond.
And that's it, really! That's how I think Elriel has developed throughout the books. Their development hasn't been loud and in your face because that's not who they are as people. They are quiet and keep their feelings to themselves, and that's reflected in how their romance has started.
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I don't get it.
Like seriously, I honestly don't understand it.
Sjm says that Elain was someone who she and Lucien didn't see coming. She had always envisioned him with Nesta, but realized they'd tear each other apart (not in a good way, as she loves that kind of banter, but theirs would be awful). She mentions 'without getting too spoilery' that and I quote:
"there was actually a great deal of tension, growth, and healing to be found for both of them (together)"
You mean to tell me, that she says there is a great deal of tension (which we've all been seeing between them), growth and healing for them TOGETHER ONLY to have Elain break her bond with him and leave him to suffer a broken bond?
You want to tell me that SJM planned to have Elain become Lucien's mate, so they could grow and heal together, only for her to dump him and choose Azriel, and leave Lucien alone with a broken bond?
This woman, who has written Lucien as kind, patient, understanding, and truly concerned for Elain, is planning on making his mate turn away from him? This man who is said to be fiercely loyal, who could have ANY woman in Prythian he wanted but has no interest in any females, who has suffered physical and emotional trauma to help his friends. You think Sarah is just going to be like "Yeah, I'm going to put Lucien with a girl who is all around perfect for him and just take her away so she can run into the arms of another man!"
Look, I torture my precious babies too, but that?! That's INSANE to me that anyone thinks Sarah planned to set him up with a mate and said all those things if she planned for it to be a failure.
Especially since she made a comment, unprompted mind you, about an Elucien date where they go visit the gardens in London, before heading out to the countryside, stating that they're BOTH happy in nature. So she's going to talk about Feysand, Nessien modern dating, and just throw in Elucien even though she doesn't even plan for them to be together?
it simply doesn't make any sense to me.
Like take a moment, to actually sit down and think, why would this author say those kinds of things if she as some had said "planned Elriel since MAF" when she literally states the opposite. She confirmed Nessien in that same moment as well, because the series was originally supposed to finish. Az and Elain didn't have anything together, they were never planned. She didn't change from that trajectory either (as stated in her interview that I guess people want to misquote, forget, or take her words completely out of context).
SJM did say there were SMALL changes, like some characters had been added (which I suspect are Gwyn and Em), Mor's sexual orientation, but the overall arch was still the same.
Honestly, here's what I think about that.
Azriel was always meant to have a mate. A lot of people pointed out that in MAF there was a lot of Moriel hints and they were meant to be endgame. When she got backlash for lack of LGBT representation, she just decided to have Mor's preference shift. I think it left Az without a mate, but by the time SF came around she began to leave breadcrumbs for who he'd end up with. That being Gwyn.
I personally think SJM wants Gwynriel so much so, that she retconned Az's backstory so he was the one at Sangravah. That he killed everyone in site, leaving none left alive (completely OOC for Az, yet fitting with mate behavior). Like if she had no intention for Az to be connected to her in such a way, why actively make HIM the one to save her? Why make it so that Az killed everyone and left not a single person alive?
Why did she have his shadows react to her in a very specific way, a way that's calm and happy? The way they sing and dance to her, reaching out to her in a playful way. Why would she change history and put attention on these things, if there was never any future for them? What, so we can see Az fall for Elain? You mean Sarah went out of her way to change parts of Az's story and how his shadows react specifically to Gwyn, just so he can turn from her and rush into the arms of Elain? Why bother?
And before anyone says "lightsinger" and Gwyn's 'evil powers' are causing Az's shadows to dance and sing... there's a whole bonus chapter where Az's shadows dance to Azriel's singing. Gwyn isn't even there, so that's debunked.
That's all, I just had to get that off my chest. I keep seeing so many people rant and say that SJM's old editor pushed for Elucien and her new one is pushing Elriel because it's more 'popular' and she's going in this new direction now. I have no idea where that came from when she said that nothing's changed from her drunken rant, so we'll see I guess.
#elucien#elucien supremacy#pro lucien vanserra#pro elucien#elain x lucien#pro gwynriel#gwynriel#gwyneth berdara#gwyn x azriel
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An E/riel made me raise my eyebrows when they said “If Gwyn and Az are mates, why aren't they together in HOFAS? Why would Az say he doesn't have a mate or a partner in HOFAS if Gwyn is his mate? Az certainly would have felt the mating bond by now given the amount of time they've spent together and the traumatic events Gwyn has gone through that Az has been present for. There is nothing keeping Gwyn and Az apart. There's no reason they can't get together immediately. They have no barriers to their relationship, internal or external. Maybe that's why Az says he doesn't have a mate or a partner yet in HOFAS-because he wants to be with Elain but he can't be. Because e/riel is next and we'll see them overcome these barriers to get together in their book.”
Sarah is not going to write an off-page romance. She is not going to write about a mating bond (something extremely important) snapping off-page, especially in a book that’s not ACOTAR. And that’s why Gwynriel’s were fine with Azriel saying he doesn’t have a mate or a partner. Because we get to read about it happening. That’s what we want. We want to see Gwyn and Azriel becomes friends, fall in love, and have a mating bond snap. If it happened off-page, the I would honestly be really upset and disappointed. I know E/riel’s love to believe that their ship, their “forbidden romance”, is happening off-page (which is highly unlikely), but us Gwynriel’s prefer to get to actually read about the romance blossoming.
And as for Azriel not feeling the mating bond, how do we actually know? We don’t have his pov, so we don’t know. It’s been three months since SF ended, and we haven’t had his pov since his bonus chapter, so we don’t know what has been going on through his head, or what he’s been up to. And as for nothing keeping Gwyn & Az apart, both of them have their own things to work through. Azriel struggles with self worth, and he needs to talk to Mor. That conversation needs to happen. And Gwyn has her own trauma, so it’s understandable. Sarah is not going to not write about this and have Gwynriel develop off-page. That would be wasted plot. I don’t think Sarah has ever written an off-page romance (please genuinely correct me if I’m wrong).
I have heard this argument a lot too. I think part of Azriel's issue is that he feels so much icy rage all the time, is so used to fighting to suppress it that he supresses a lot of the good stuff too. He comes across as cold and focused but from his short POV we see he is quick to anger, hates himself and feels unworthy, and has a lot of issues to work through. I don't think he would even realize the mating bond if it clunked him on the head. And if he did, I have to wonder if he would feel worthy of that bond either. Personally I think that will be a big part of his story--accepting himself and the fact that he does deserve love. I'm not saying he's currently incapable of it, he clearly loves the IC and in HOFAS he mentions finding people he loves. But his obsession with Mor, and his thoughts in the ACOSF bonus chapter suggest he has a long way to go. Also side note, but a forbidden romance for Azriel would be disastrous and do absolutely nothing to help with his lack of self worth.
Imagine if when asked if he has a mate he said yes. We'd all be like wtf? Since when? (Although personally I believe it's Gwyn) I don't really understand why Elriels seem perfectly fine with their ship developing off page. I want to be present for all of it. Also we have no way of knowing for sure what happened in that time after ACOSF and HOFAS, like you said. But why should we have to guess and make stuff up? We will find out in the next book. I agree with you, I can't think of any romance that developed off page. Or of a female main character who did not need to go through a painful healing arc to realize what she truly wants and needs. I only bring this up because I often see the claim that "Elain is happy and fulfilled in the night court, she has friends, she loves Az". I do not see her happy and healed at all. And if that were all true then why exactly does she need her own book?
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Think about how fucked up the mating bond is, people get bonded to whoever tf the magic chooses for them considering only how much powerful you are and that your kids will be powerful as fuck, and if you don't like them or some shit happened between you two earlier, sorry but the chances of you ending up with said person in a toxic relationship are still high, look at how many toxic bonds we saw:
we have tamlin's family, his father and brothers were worse than the vanserras and his mom and father were mated, so it didn't matter how much shit his father was, the mom just accepted that.
feysand's bond, fucked up as fuck. after all rhysand put feyre through during UTM, we get to acomaf (and there is also that stupid ring quest, imagine if she died..) where he gives her a long ass sad background story and she just accepted it.... yet if she wasn't his mate she would be pretty much death in book 1, and oh wait, let's not forget the fact he hid life threatening information about her pregnancy, and like, she is still with him as if nothing had happened.
nessian bond! also fucked up, we have cassian watching nesta fall the stairs and be like "haha i watched bc if get to the end, i would have to take you back upstairs, also you fell bc you didnt train so it is all YOUR fault", cassian telling her everybody hates her, cassian doesn't understand how her sisters love her, cassian taking her to a hike bc she (25 years old) was the only one between all those 500+ years old bitches who had balls to tell feyre she was gonna die before christmas, makes her carry a bag that is a third of her weight (lets say she is 1,75m and weights 60kg, she was carrying around 20kg and according to a search in google, a hiking backpack shouldn't weight more than 10 percent of the person's weight, which in this case Nesta should be carrying 6kg and not more than that...) during this hike. He has sex with her after she gets sexual assaulted by a mythical creature, he gets butthurt when she says a fact about riceman, gets angry when she gets uncomfortabled about the fact he wants everyone to know they share bed (and he literaly says exactly that), like, he even says that he didn't choice to be shackled to her, that means he wouldn't choice her => he wouldn't be with her if there wasn't a bond. During acosf we see that he knows shit about her and he doesnt even like her but he stilld wants her exclusively bc of the bond and nesta is molded and treated like shit until submission so she can fit him and his family. Let's not forget that whatever thing nesta disagres, cassian get like "is that because i am a bastard low born nobody and my ass is flat?". Also from a logic point of view (considering the power thing and that the cauldron chooses who you are mated with and it blessed elain with gifts and got angry at nesta bc she took its power) wouldn't make more sense if nesta ended up with a high lord/high lord heir or azriel? nesta is powerful as fuck, powerful to the point rhysand, a pOWErfuLl high lord (take his telepathy away and he is in the same level as the other high lords) struggles to contain her power, she is in the same level of a high lord, and i know cassian had 7 siphons but it is azriel who has not only 7 siphons but is also a shadowsinger, they are poweful but not in the same level as a high lord/nesta yet azriel at least has a special power, so between them two azriel is more logical, and in a general point of view, a high lord/heir... (i repeat, this bond was a curse threw at nesta)
drakon and miryam, too fucked up, she was a slave, that was given to him as gift from his bride/wife/girlfriend whatever. she was a slave, and half human, and during this time humans were all slaves. and drakon, prince, faerie... she was with jurian then somehow she fell in love with drakon(?) i don't remember their story properly, but i am pretty sure that if there wasn't a mating bond, they would not have any relationship. I honestly find this one too weird/absurd that I even have a theory that drakon is daemanti and manipulated miryam to ''love'' him (pretty much like rhysand seems to be doing/did to feyre... maybe that is why drakon and rhysand were friends or something, drakon taught him the telepathy things)
vs non-toxic:
Lucien and Elain, they aren't together, elain doesn't want to get close to lucien and he respects it, lucien doesn't force himself into her, keeps his distance s he is aware she is not comfortable, he let her know they are bonded from the beginning as opposite to some people up there...
Kallias and viviane - we didn't see much about them but considering they were friends since young age, so we are supposed to assume they are good...
Honestly if i was faerie i would be afraid of having a mate.
#anti feysand#anti nessian#anti acosf#anti acowar#anti acomaf#i probably forgot someone. as usual#lucien vanserra#kallias#nesta archeron#anti cassian
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Your latest post 👏 👏
When Azriel presented the necklace to Elain he didn’t once think about how she would feel about the necklace, unlike later on in the bc with a certain priestess (whom he barely knows as ppl like to point out). If he’s known Elain for soo long, shouldn’t he at least wonder about her? Not her bond, but her. Ppl are giving Azriel too much credit for his feelings towards Elain.
HOFAS SPOILER-ISH
At this point, Azriel has shown more care (outwardly) towards Nesta than he ever has for Elain. You can’t just say this dude keeps everything internal when he has literally shown us readers what he does for those he cares for (i.e. Nesta in HOFAS).
I wanted to finish HOFAS before I answered this, but absolutely, people give Azriel too much credit towards his feelings towards Elain, and more importantly, he doesn't consider Elain's feelings in SF, and we are told in the ways that he doesn't.
Elriels like to push for choice and how Elain will choose Az, but Az has never given her the space to make that choice, even back when Az gave Elain Truth-Teller and her face turned white about the idea of being armed. It's frustrating how supportive he is towards Feyre wanting to learn how to fly, Nesta over keeping her weapons, a bunch of priestesses with varying states of trauma to learn how to defend themselves, and most importantly, Gwyn with wanting to learn more about daggers and spywork.
Did Az consider how Nesta's actions were hurting Elain, especially considering how close they were? Did Az consider how her bond is affecting her, not trying to figure out why she has not made a decision yet? Did Az consider that Elain wants to do more for the IC but makes the argument that she shouldn't be exposed to that darkness and yet Nesta, who was visibly shaken from the idea, should? Did Az consider that she did like him over her own mate to push past his own feelings to be close to her?
Elriels keep saying that Elain has no one to confide in, so she's close to Nuala and Cerridwen but not close enough that she can express this to. Azriel could have been that person, and yet we were told that Azriel keeps away from her, and he left thinking that it was the right thing that he did.
No mate can keep away from their counterpart for long, and the only reason why they did is because their mates wanted them to. Rhys stepped aside because Feyre wanted to marry Tamlin. Cassian barely spoke to Nesta for nine months up until the intervention because Nesta made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him. Lucien moved to the human lands to give Elain space, and we don't even see him force himself onto her.
Az's reasons are because that's what he felt is best for him when Elain wants the complete opposite, and Elain understood that she will never be what he actually wants - a mate - and expressed that by returning the necklace, effectively closing the door to the idea they can be something more.
Not only that, but she chose not to explore her skills of wielding a weapon by returning Truth-Teller.
Azriel left thinking he was proven right, not that he will prove Rhys wrong. Azriel tells Bryce tightly no he doesn't have a mate, not arrogantly that he doesn't need one.
So I really don't understand how half of his BC, where it's canon that his feelings for Elain are mutual, while simultaneously ignoring that he had absolutely no intention of pursuing it. Even with Elain's offer and permission and his delayed reaction, he stuck by that decision.
Elain can choose Az, but I don't think, given what we have, Az will make that same choice when it comes down to it. And Elain is aware of this, so she already chose between Azriel and Lucien in the bonus chapter when we were explicitly told she returned the necklace.
Her choosing not to reject the bond is still her choosing Lucien over Azriel, and Azriel has not given her any confidence that rejecting the bond to be with him is a good decision, especially when he called it a mistake.
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Vassa
I see quite a few people who ship Lucien with Vassa and ask why Lucien stans want Lucien with someone who doesn't want him (Elain) so I just wanted to address this:
1. We don't actually have any confirmation Elain doesn't want Lucien. Is she avoiding him? Yes. But that's because she's running from her problems, the mating bond on the top of her list. When she was begging for Graysen to take her back (barf), she still managed to say "His name is Lucien." Am I really supposed to believe she hates him? Nesta was avoiding Cassian too but it's canon that she still wanted him. But she didn't want the mating bond. Elain is similar in this way. And going after Azriel is an easy way to avoid her problems. She has had a ton of time to reject the bond and hasn't, which is telling.
2. It may seem superficial to think about, but Vassa is a human. Lucien is immortal. There is no way for this to work unless Lucien bounds his life to hers like Lorcan, and I just don't see that happening, because Lucien is destined to play a bigger role in Prythian which would really make binding his life to a human's unfeasable.
3. Neither Lucien nor Vassa is interested. Lucien is canonically seen to be looking at Elain with longing at the end of ACOSF. "Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing." And I'm pretty sure Vassa is into Jurian (a pairing that makes sense since they're both human)
“And Jurian and Vassa?”
“At each other’s throats, as they like to be,” he said, a tad sharply.
Vassa rolled her eyes, then looked to Lucien, who sank onto the sofa
beside Jurian. Like the Fae male had settled similar arguments between them before.
Sounds like Lucien is the middle man between Jassa.
4. Vassa is not like Jesminda. Yes, they're both described as wild, but Jesminda's was described as a carefree, joyful spirit whereas Vassa's wild is described as warriorlike. Besides, being similar to somebody you did love doesn't mean you're going to fall in love with them too.
5. I think people underestimate the depth of Lucien's love for Jesminda. In this way, Lucien's story is kind of similar to Rowan's, only Rowan was hoodwinked by a spell. Lucien, on the other hand, loved Jesminda so much he genuinely believed she was his mate. The only kind of love that could ever compare to that is his true mating bond, which in Faelore makes marriage seem insignificant. Rowan, too, could never get over Lyria until he met his true mate, Aelin.
6. I'll be the first to admit I'm disappointed with Elain thus far. But it is canon that we haven't seen all Elain has to offer yet. And I believe once she gets her head out of her ass she'll be perfect for Lucien. For one, they're both excellent speakers, despise violence, have been constantly underestimated and frankly disrespected by the IC, both lost their first loves in a painful manner (I know Elain's love isn't dead, but he might as well be), were both ripped from their homes and forced to settle in a place where they're not very comfortable.
7. Only when Lucien arrived did Elain start to eat properly. Only when Lucien was there did Elain show her powers. Only when Lucien was there did she start to come out of her shell. Lucien was the only one who actually understood what she needed. I don't give a shit if Azriel discovered her seer powers; that doesn't make him a mate in any way. Understanding her power doesn't constitute understanding her. By this same token, you could say Lucien understood that Nesta's power was a cold fire first. Mates! Actually there's more evidence in favor of this since Sarah had originally made the two of them mates lol. Nesta asked Elain what she wanted and she said Sunshine. And it was constantly said that the Spring court would be perfect for Elain. Guess who is the heir to the Day Court and has serious connections with the Spring Court. Yes! Lucien Spell-Cleaving Vanserra!
8. Have you SEEN the elucien fanart??? You expect me not to ship them after seeing it?? I'm pretty sure Vassien was created so that people could get rid of Lucien in favor of Ewriel anyway.
#lucien vanserra#pro lucien vanserra#band of exiles#the band of exiles#jassa#elucien#pro elucien#lucien spell cleaver#high lord lucien#elain archeron#ewriel
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