Oh man the new Willow show has lesbians-- 10/10 so far haha

you know how there are some groups you like but you don't think they're gonna be one of your favorites, or you don't think they'll put out something you adore, just a lot of stuff that you think is pretty good? like, maybe there's a group you think is interesting and promising, but if you were asked whether or not they're likely to release a song that becomes one of your favorite kpop songs every, you would say "probably not". you like them, but judging based on the stuff they're released so far, you don't think they'll put out something that you'll become completely obsessed with, because at this point your opinion of them is already pretty much done forming, you know?

that's why it's so wild to me that Everglow put out La Di Da. i liked Everglow, i always have since they debuted, but after Dun Dun i was pretty sure i knew the vibe they were going with, and i was on board, but if i had to list the groups who i thought would be the most likely to put out a song that would become one of my favorite kpop songs ever, i don't think i would have listed Everglow. they were my favorite girl crush group, so i don't wanna make it sound like i didn't like them, cause i definitely did! i just didn't think they were likely to do what they did with La Di Da, lol

i remember the night when it was released, because i remember thinking to myself "eh, I'm not gonna stay up for this. I'll probably like it, and hopefully i like it more than Dun Dun and Adios, but i probably won't like it more than Bon Bon Chocolat because that song is still great. so I'm just gonna go to bed and I'll listen to it tomorrow". and then it ended up being in my top 5 songs of the year which is suuuuuper high praise lol, i listened to a LOT of songs last year. 4th place out of several hundred is huge. i had no idea that i would like it this much, but i do. not only is it better than Bon Bon Chocolat, it really is one of my favorite kpop songs ever, at this point.

it fully reinvigorated my hype for Everglow, and made me rethink the whole idea i was talking about a second ago, where there are groups i wouldn't expect to blow me away. cause like, now I'm thinking about which group will be the next one to subvert my expectations and come out with something that i'll be listening to for the rest of my life hahaha

LDD is so fucking good, ugh. the synth sounds get me every time. especially the first ones in the first verse, after Sihyeon says her first line... just those two synth chords or notes or whatever... when i first listened to the song, after thinking about my expectations the night before, i started it casually, but when those synths hit i stopped everything i was doing so i could pay full attention to the song cause it caught me so off guard and i was so into it. and that chorus holy shit lol... that first moment right before the chorus, the "everglow forever let's go" could have led to anything, because that's something they've done in their other comebacks too, so it built up my suspense like "what kind of chorus will this be... probably a drop chorus, but let's see...." and then it was one of the catchiest choruses I've heard from a new song in the two years I've been into kpop.

this is just an unstructured ramble and I'm reusing things i already said in my review of the song when i made my top 10 list, so idk, maybe you should just read that, lol. i just wanted to barf my thoughts into a text post cause i just listened to the song again and it really hit the spot haha, it's such a satisfying song

Everyday I think about how vol7 should've been Weiss's volume and how she could've been the one to cut her hair instead of Blake and exactly how each of her family members plus Klein would react to her haircut. Infact there's one scene where most of her ponytail is hidden and it looks like what her short hair could've been aaa-

This volume should’ve been the Schnee volume but we are all Boo Boo the Fool and we all shall jangle miserably. 

There was too much going on for anything to be handled properly and given an ending that it deserved. None of the Schnee had good arcs, none of them followed through on the character motivations or sprouted new ones outta the air. Weiss just floated around to either weirdly have White Guilt moments to Blake or arrest her abuser and then immediately turn around and ask if she could do that in such a tone deaf scene. That’s her abuser, why are we treating this moment that is meant to be empowering for Weiss as comic relief?

Winter started growing in an interesting character with her arc around accepting becoming the Winter Maiden, even though she wasn’t 100% behind it. She was ready to make this destiny her own in a moment of empowerment, only for fucking Pinocchio to swoop in and take it. The whole justification for Penny to be the Maiden was validated by Ruby all the way back in Volume 2, she didn’t need to hijack Winter’s arc just for the story to “subvert expectations”.

Whitley is just there to have stuff thrown on him and be made fun of, only for the tone to completely shift and show that he’s suffering from abandonment issues while being stuck in a house with an abusive father and a neglectful mother. The scene where Weiss is told this doesn’t have Whitley there and it’s told by one of his abusers. Whitley isn’t there to experience the moment where Winter and Weiss tell Jacques he ain’t shit and arrest him, even though he’s suffered just as much as them. No, we’d rather have Whitley get food thrown on him and laugh at him. Haha, so funny.

Willow is… there. She’s pretty much just there to give Weiss evidence that her father ain’t shit, and apparently now has cameras everywhere to keep an eye on Jacques even though there was no indication about this before this scene, and raises the question of did Willow see Jacques hit Weiss and what did she do about it? It wasn’t mentioned between them, so is it just dropped? What happens now that Jacques has been arrested? Will she take back the SDC now, does she have business skills? Nicholas, have you been teaching your daughter properly?

Jacques is a piss poor villain. That’s all I have to say. We coulda had something on the lines of Tywin Lannister, but no we got fucking Prince Charming from Shrek. Nonthreatening, pathetic, needs a better villain in Chad Arthur to be more of a threat and get things done, and the worst thing is that he wasn’t introduced that way. He was Weiss’ abuser, the reason she was the way she was at the beginning of the show, and we saw just how far he will go when she steps out of line. He brought her back to Atlas after the Fall of Beacon and had Weiss be the good heiress he wanted to be. Now he’s just pathetic and his downfall was treated as a joke, even when he was being carted away while Willow watched. 

Onto Weiss’ hair, I completely agree and it’s why I always do my edits with Weiss having short hair. Weiss has narrative importance with her hair, it’s the thing she changes when she started growing more defiant of Jacques and Atlas as a whole. Blake has never had that with her hair, there’s no point in her cutting her hair.

Her moving on from Adam? Falls flat when you realise that Adam is barely mentioned this volume, mere days or weeks after Blake had to kill him. 

Tie into her “Japanese coding”? It’s ridiculous and doesn’t work that way. Blake’s coding is absolute trash. In modern Asian culture, cutting the hair is a sign of moving forward and change, but in Japanese culture, cutting one’s hair is to mean DISHONOR. Samurai had their top knots cut off when they were stepping down from their rank. It’s why Zuko and Iroh cut their hair in Book 2 when it was made clear that they did it because they could not go home. Ozai didn’t want Zuko there and had no intention of restoring his honor. 

But crwby just saw that scene and was like “we want it” without caring about the cultural context behind it. 

It looks ugly as well. Wavy hair doesn’t become flat and thin when you cut it, RT, I know I did the same thing. The ultimate defiance and something that would be impossible to ignore for Jacques, concerning Weiss, would be to cut off her hair. She did something out of his control, and in the volume surrounding her fighting back, it just makes thematic sense.

Challah braid Weiss is OUT, short haired Weiss is IN.  

“Knives Out” Review: Rian Johnson Subverts Again!

Directed by Rian Johnson

Starring: Ana De Armas, Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Christopher Plummer, Jamie Lee Curtis

 Much has been made about the “subverting of expectations” since the highly divisive release of “The Last Jedi.”

It’s been two years, but fans still hotly debate the merits of what exactly director Rian Johnson was going for and how well and/or how badly he executed it. In at least this reviewer’s mind “The Last Jedi” didn’t work because the pacing and tone were all over the place but the subversion was maybe one of the one things it got right.

(Try not to cry anymore about it, fanboys)

As fans of genre films, we tend to want to give extra meaning to whatever we are watching based on what these types of films usually conclude because we want it to be bigger than it actually is in reality. We all watch and read stories because we are seeking some kind of truth in it, even in things as pulpy and cheesy as those about space wizards and super heroes, but sometimes in real life the truth isn’t as complicated as that and we must grapple with things just being not all that shocking.

Rey is special just because she is Rey, not because she has a bloodline to a Skywalker, Palpatine, or Kenobi and that’s ok.

(Deal with it.)

So how does Rian Johnson take on another genre, that’s almost completed predicated on the idea that there is some special clue or big reveal you are missing? How does Johnson, famous triggerer of fan boys everywhere, deconstruct the mystery genre in his latest film “Knives Out?”

By teaching us all a valuable lesson on morality of course!

“Knives Out” takes place the day after the 85th birthday of bestselling multi-millionaire novelist Harland Thronby who’s found dead in his attic study with his throat slit likely by his own hand. The death is ruled a suicide initially but investigator Benoit Blanc, who’s called to the scene of the crime under mysterious circumstances, believes there’s more to this death than meets the eye as it becomes quickly clear that Thronby’s estranged children and relatives are all lying about something.

How “Knives Out” clever “Whodunit” mystery lays out its plot is that it actively plays on your expectations of what a story within this genre usually entails. Much in the way we all expected there to be something profound and earth-shattering out of the mystery behind “The Las Jedi” because other Star Wars films did it too, audience members will likely go into this movie over-analyzing the meanings, the little triggers, turns of phrases that mystery films usually have until the story’s ultimate conclusion.

Before we go any further, this another case of a film like this being difficult to fully analyze without talking about finer points in the plot so if you haven’t seen the film yet and don’t wish to be SPOILED I suggest turning back now.

(I promise to talk less about Star Wars from here on out...)

Anyways, director Rian Johnson counts on his audience to think there’s something more to Harland Thronby’s murder than meets the eye (played expertly well as always by the venerable Christopher Plummer). In fact, he gives pretty much everything you need to know right off the bat in the film’s first half hour. 

You’ll spend most of the movie reverting back to the film’s initial openings and setups thinking “No, that’s too obvious” but then when you arrive at the movie’s answer to all this you’ll find yourself not going “really?...” but rather “I see what you did there.”

(Me at Rian Johnson after the credits rolled.)

As the film plays out audience members will immediately throw out the obvious choices for the murderer not because the clues of the film tell us we should but because our expectations of the genre tell us we should. Rian Johnson is counting on this as you’re watching it.

What’s brilliant is this idea plays out in meta context with the film’s chief villain, Ransom Thronby Harland’s asshole grandson played by post Avengers, curse-word heavy Chris Evans. See, Ransom too counts on Harland’s nurse Marta to make all the wrong decisions in the cover-up of Harland’s death because much in the way the audience is probably thinking we want to rule out the obvious right choices in these situations he thinks Marta will too.

But instead Marta, played by the always lovely Ana De Armas, just does the right thing at every turn. She doesn’t go about things incorrectly, following strictly only her morals that leads her to fortune she eventually inherits at the end.

(I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention, what were we talking about?)

The film basically sets up viewers for a highly complicated murder mystery but, like a prowler slinking quietly through the night, it sneaks up from behind and guts us with the real truth of the movie that’s it’s really about just being a good person. The way Johnson is able to weave viewers one direction in this movie to sneakily just tell us a moral about being nice to people is kind of brilliant and in many ways meta on itself too considering the ordeal he went through with “The Last Jedi.”

There’ll probably be a few people who find the conclusion of the film’s mystery disappointing, if not surprising, but once you give it some time and stop viewing the movie by its genre alone (or a series of films it may inhabit in a franchise in another instance, not naming anything in particular of course) it becomes pretty clear the kind of beautiful puzzle Johnson sets up for here and the result is quite satisfying.

(Again. Deal with it.)

But even if you end up finding the film’s subversion too ham-fisted or irritating for whatever reason “Knives Out” is highly entertaining regardless. The aforementioned Armas, Evans, and Plummer, are of course great but they are supported by an all-star cast of actors and actresses who’s chemistry keep’s this Clue Board puzzle of a film humming along perfectly from start to finish.

The movie is filled with tons of good laughs and dark humor and the pacing is razor sharp and there’s hardly a tedious moment throughout its two-hour runtime. There’s a lot of other good meta jokes that may or may not be digs at Rian Johnson’s post “Last Jedi” career and plenty more digs at real life events and relevant issues that often come up in our American clusterfuck that play into the film’s expertly crafted plot.

(Also Daniel Craig definitely enjoyed doing his Foghorn Leghorn impression way too much haha)

In the end, it’ll be hard not to enjoy “Knives Out” even if the trope of narrative subversion might annoy you. The movie moves with relentless speed, anchored strongly by it’s colorful cast of characters played by some of the best actors and actresses in Hollywood today and whether the film’s conclusion disappoints you or not it’ll be hard not to find something to enjoy about this highly entertaining unique take on the mystery genre.

It’s movie about having decency and being good in the face of relentless negativity, narcissism and selfishness, and simply doing the right thing when no one else will and that by itself is a good message to send regardless.

So, take note before you hit Twitter later this month, Star Wars fans. It cost nothing to not be an asshole.

 VERDICT:

5 out of 5

I’m sure this won’t be controversial. Yup. Everyone will be completely satisfied and not a single neckbeard rustled!

what do u mean by the until dawn windego posts thing??

Oh, uh. Let me see if I can think of a way to answer this concisely haha. (Until Dawn spoilers ahead fair warning, if you haven’t played)

So, like a year ago there was a post going around about stories involving Wendigos all being exploitative and, it not being okay to even use the word, and at the time I saw it in passing and thought, “Huh, I didn’t know that,” and did nothing else bc I had a lot going on. I’m kinda pissed at myself but c’est la vie. Probably the og author made a good faith mistake? There /is/ a first nation creature with a very similar title that is sacred, but I started a different writing project recently, and rememebred that thread and looked it up just out of curiosity, because it had seemed weird to me at the time. I played UD when it came out and watched the interviews, and there was a lot of making of stuff available, including interviews w Algonquin people they had contacted for Wendigo research, and it seemed that if the thing about Wendigos being bad to write stories about period was true, it was super werid that could have happened. It turns out, that is not the case. I read a whole bunch of interviews w first nation scholars talking about the Wendigo, and actually it’s kind of the opposite. It’s a very real supernatural entity culturally, extremely evil, that will possess and compel humans to terrible acts (specifically but not limited to cannibalism and violence), and to be feared. 

In reality, UD did about the best job I’ve ever seeen anyway of being realistic and honoring classic tradition, at least in western media. For example, Wendigos are often portrayed in fiction as being deer-like with antlers, but in tradition, that’s super inaccurate, and they basically look like giant, emaciated human beings. The horn thing is offensive and wrong, whereas the in-game portrayal is the accurate one. In addition, when westerners first arrived and got to hearing about traditions and beleifs, such as the Wendigo, they dismissed it out of hand, and told the native people they were wrong and there was no supernatural entity or posession going on, but rather a mental illness brought on by the darkness and harshness of winter, which westerners called “Wendigo Psychosis” (super fucking great at once for mentally ill people /and/ native tradition! Really knockced it out of the park, guys : )  ). And along with the rest of its complex meta narrative on horror and expectations, especially when it /comes/ to mental illness, Until Dawn worked in “Wendigo Psychosis” pretty pointedly and came down with a very solidly “No, the first nation people were right, it /is/ supernatural and real and evil”, underlined by actually /giving/ one of the most central characters, Josh, very active and debilitating psychosis, which, completely subverting viewer expectations, is not actually a driving force for the violence and tradgedy of the game, but a red-herring. 

In a sense, they put up real psychosis and let the player fall into the expected trap of assuming the ‘antagonist’ had gone insnae and was killing people because of that, then halfway through pulled a u-turn and flipped the script, and players spend the rest of the game trying to save Josh and feeling kind of fucking /terrible/ for falling into the planted expectations. In the end, the real threat is the very real and true supernatural evil (the Wendigos), and Josh is a victim everyone else in the story is partially responsible for the fate of. Anyway, it was a really cool way to work multiple metas together into a narrative, and I’ve always liked the horror meta with Josh, but I didn’t know how in-depth the supernatural side of it went too. I hope that answers your question? Basically, I saw a post that a lot of people saw (it went around a /lot/ for like 2 weeks), was too distracted and dumb to fact-check when I’m usually p diligent, and now feel le great shame of having been boo boo the fool, but am also happy to have all this very neat new meta information. : )

100 great things about megamind

basically i just watched megamind and wrote down everything that made me go “hey that’s good”

1. The opening monologue slaps I literally do not care about your “cliches” it’s GOOD

2. “8 days old and still living with my parents...pathetic right?”

3. The idea that Megamind is inherently good since his origin story should have been his dad saying he’s destined for “greatness” but the greatness got cut off uwu

4. Literally just the fact that Megamind was about to go to the Rich Nice House and his destiny changed at the last second,,,everything about this movie makes it a cinematic masterpiece

5. “A baby! How thoughtful!” “yes yes I saw it and thought of you”

6. “While they were learning the itsy bitsy spider I was learning how to dehydrate objects and rehydrate them at will”

7. When you hear the Bad to the Bone guitar riff kick in,,,,,,heck yeah babey!!

8. J.K Simmons is here! yeah!

9. Will Ferrell’s voice acting is literally SO darn good like even just from the beginning,,, the funny affectation of whatever kind of accent that is,,,,,the expressiveness of literally everything he says,,,,,I’m not actively a fan of Will Ferrell or anything but he just did a good job ok

10. “His heart is an ocean inside a bigger ocean”

11. Idk why but I just love the phrase “you fantastic fish you”

12. Metro Man is such a fun character. Like. A hero who shouldn’t be a hero, but he just….is one? Someone who’s idol-worshipped and, despite his grandeur, doesn’t exactly deserve it?

13. MEGAMIND’S CHARACTER DESIGN IS LITERALLY SO GOOD like the vivid colors of his skin and eyes? His COSTUME? His hilarious proportions, between the giant head and the skinny & scrawny everything else? Superb, you funky little alien

14. All dialogue between Megamind and Minion is god tier by default

15. The twist on “damsel in distress” where yeah the girl gets kidnapped but she is so not distressed and has the intellectual power in the situation as she roasts Megamind at every turn and he can’t combat anything she says

16. “Oh potato tomato potato tomato”

17. “I’m shaking in my BABY SEAL LEATHER BOOTS”

18. THE ENTIRE EXCHANGE BETWEEN MEGAMIND AND METRO MAN ABOUT JUSTICE AND REVENGE AND THE MICROWAVE OF EVIL AND WARRANTIES

19. “Can someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card” “You of all people know that we discontinued that”

20. The way this movie manages to SO effectively establish character while diving right into the action and keeping with a fun, fast pace? The world & characters are set up incredibly well AND the start of the journey/ “break into the new world” hits at a brisk 20 minutes? Lovely work, Dreamworks

21. When Highway to Hell kicks in with the lasers and Megamind dancing at the police,,,,,this is nothing short of priceless

22. “Imagine the most horrible terrifying evil thing you could possibly think of and multiply it…..BY SIX”

23. When you’re a supervillain who takes over the city and you say “let’s just have fun with this” to the citizens

24. *whispering behind the door* “now slam the door really hard!” *snickering like a 12 year old girl* “move they can still see you”

25. “Did you think this day would come?” “No, no not in a million years, not ever...I mean yes”

26. “That’s called a window, sir. All the kids are looking through them”

27. Crazy Train is SUCH a nice touch, the fade into Alone Again Naturally is great. The use of music in this movie is absolutely A+, MEGAMIND DID IT FIRST AND GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AIN’T SPECIAL (jk gotg you’re so special ily)

28. The images of Megamind’s destruction & deterioration of the city are so creative and funny

29. *to a desk toy bird* “What’s your vacuum like?”  

30. “GOING OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN SIR”

31. Haven’t yet mentioned how lovely the animation of Megamind’s face is! Every single frame, he’s so expressive

32. Mispronunciation of words like “school”, “Metro City”, and “melancholy”

33. This voice cast in general is so good like it’s not just big names phoning it in for an animated movie, they’re fully into it

34. Real Bernard doesn’t get much screen time but he’s hilarious

35. “Typhoon Cheese”, whatever that was gonna be

36. The juxtaposition in body language & facial expression between Real Bernard and Megamind Bernard,,,,,actually just the way Megamind’s physicality is transferred to the other characters he disguises himself as. Great stuff

37. Megamind’s off-the-walls high energy is so fun and electric

38. “This is a bad idea” “yes, a good idea for the greater good of bad” “maybe it seems good from your bad perception but from a good perception it’s just plain bad” “oh you don’t know what’s good for bad”

39. Ollo? Oh, hello

40. “I’m just yelling at my…..mother’s urn”

41. Megamind and Minion just saying “code” before things that aren’t in code. This movie is so good with its running gags, they don’t feel like “oh haha they used that joke again!” they feel like inside jokes between the characters I love it

42. Megamind fighting himself as Bernard while complimenting himself, COMEDY GOLD

43. The various occurrences of random life-altering things happening on a whim to the wrong people, like Hal getting the superpowers and earlier Metro Man being molded into a hero and Megamind landing in prison as a baby

44. The forget me stick

45. Space Dad and Space Stepmom

46. Every character Megamind inhabits always retains Megamind’s eyes

47. MR BLUE SKY PLAYING OVER HAL’S DISASTROUS TRAINING SEQUENCE AND THE FALLING IN LOVE SEQUENCE THAT INCLUDES DONKEY KONG AND MEGAMIND WEIRDLY TEXTING ON A FLIP PHONE (gotgv2 who? Don’t know her)

48. Roxanne’s positive influence making Megamind genuinely want to make the city better uwu

49. ROXANNE AND METRO MAN WERE NEVER A COUPLE! Lovely trope subversion

50. Tropes in this movie in general are so fun. This isn’t some uninspired genre parody. They don’t just subvert tropes in the exact way that you’d expect. I feel like the way that this movie plays with the superhero genre often feels unique and creative

51. Bernard’s character design kind of slaps tbh. The turtleneck, the hair, the glasses, all very nice

52. When Hal calls Roxanne “a really good looking one I’ve got my eye on” like she’s meat or something as opposed to Megamind valuing her personality…..makes ya think u know

53. T h e  b l a c k  m a m b a a a a a

54. “Maybe I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore!” and Megamind & Minion’s subsequent falling out that served as a precursor to the disastrous date with Roxanne- it happens pretty much exactly halfway through the movie. Some people look down upon following structure to a T, but sometimes it’s satisfying when a movie perfectly follows structure and this movie’s structure is flawless

55. “Good luck on your date” “I will” “That doesn’t even make any sense” “I know”

56. Right after fighting w Minion when Megamind looks in a cracked mirror and frowns at his reflection but then changes into someone else, into Bernard, and then smiles? THE CINNAMON TOGROPHY, THE STORYTELLING

57. When Hal is just an incel whose feeling of entitlement is framed as disgusting and he’s not supposed to be sympathetic and Roxanne’s rejection of him is not framed as evil but rather completely justified? VERY epic of them, this movie would have SMASHED the pop culture scene if it came out today

58. The GRAVITY of the part when Roxanne accidentally reveals Megamind in the restaurant is so powerful that I can STILL barely watch it even though I’ve seen it so many times

59. The part that immediately follows where Roxanne shuts down Megamind is SO well done. Roxanne is giving out some harsh words to our dear protagonist, but she is not framed as the bad guy. The great thing about this scene is that they let Roxanne call out Megamind on how he’s been a jerk and she gets to be RIGHT. How very cash money of them! The emotion here isn’t anger at Roxanne because she’s ~being mean~ to Megamind. It’s a sting over the fact that she’s right, and the heartbreak over the dramatic irony of us knowing that Megamind is becoming a better person and Roxanne having no idea. Now Megamind is left with a decision that will show who he truly is on the inside: he could either retreat back into safe, evil ways for the rest of time because it’s easier to be bad because then no one expects anything from him and rejection is easier to handle, or he could ultimately choose to grow from this and recognize how he was wrong and how he has to change. The execution of this midpoint is exemplary.

60. “Do you really think I’d ever be with you?” “....no” the delivery of those lines is so good

61. “You were right! I was….less right!”

62. The Black Mamba is a god tier costume and the fact that it has its own theme song in the score makes it at least 6x better

63. WHEN BACK IN BLACK KICKS IN YEAAAHHHH (Iron Man who? Don’t know her) (Iron Man was already out at this point but how fun is it that this movie used TWO iconic mcu songs)

64. Megamind in the giant suit playing with cars

65. Hal SUCKS I love how much the movie wants you to hate him

66. The difference between Megamind and Hal/Titan/Tighten is so interesting to watch. How Megamind is the self-proclaimed “bad guy” but he’s not even out to do serious damage & it’s just a game to him, while Hal is out for blood but was created to be a hero

67. “Now it’s time for witty banter” “AAAAAAAAA” “I’m not really sure where to go with that”

68. “I’M CALLING A TIME OUT”

69. Twisting the Kryptonite trope by having Metro Man make up the copper weakness

70. “Does he have a hideout? A cave? A solitary fortress?” lol I understood that reference

71. “OW! MY GIANT BLUE HEAD!”

72. Metro Man’s confession scene is so good. Really, how often do you get a hero who feels that he was forced into being a hero? That’s usually a villain trope. Does the hero ever realize he doesn’t want to be a hero….and actually quit FOR GOOD? Again, the trope subversion is awesome

73. “I have eyes that can see right through leaaaaaaaad” that’s my favorite song

74. “You left the city to HIM! No offense” “no I’m with you”

75. “There’s a yin for every yang. If there’s bad, good will rise up against it.”

76. “I say we just go all GANGSTA on him” ms tina fey i would die for you

77. Megamind turns himself in to the police, the fact that he willingly submits himself to the punishment of being a villain at this point is a lovely and stirring way of showing the sense of justice he has deep down and showing his character development

78. When Roxanne gives Megamind a desperate & compassionate pep talk over live tv no matter what it means for her reputation :*))

79. When Megamind has 88 life sentences

80. “I. Am. Sorry!” *dramatically slides down door*

81. Megamind’s heartfelt and regretful admission of all his mistakes that brings his character arc to a head? Lovely

82. “Good luck” “WE’RE GONNA D I E! Hahahaha!”

83. “There is no Easter bunny, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no queen of England.”

84. MEGAMIND’S EPIC ENTRANCE BY COMING OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH

85. “Oh you’re a villain alright. Just not a super one.” “Oh yeah? What’s the difference?”

86. P R E S E N T A T I O N

87. METRO MAN THUNDER CALVES

88. Again with the green eyes continuity! Love that!

89. “Going somewhere? Besides jail?” *flies in a fancy pose*

90. When Megamind is ready to let everyone think Metro Man is back but Roxanne wants to see the real hero :*))

91. “This is the last time you make a fool out of me!” “I made you a hero, you did the fool thing all by yourself” SICK BURN

92. “There’s a benefit to losing. You get to learn from your mistakes”

93. WHEN THE DEHYDRATION GUN COMES IN CLUTCH

94. Minion being a drama queen lol comedy peaked in 2010

95. Minion’s Little Face

96. “GET BACK YOU SAVAGES” “Sorry he’s just not used to positive feedback!”

97. “Destiny is not the path given to us but the path we choose for ourselves”

98. When Megamind gets to parallel Metro Man’s entrance from the beginning of the movie and everyone cheers for him :*)) and he adds his own fun little twist by making a villain joke

99. “Megamind, defender of Metro City” “you know? I like the sound of that!”

100. Name a better villain to hero story. YOU CANNOT. Cinematic excellence. I am never disappointed.

Part 4 of my commentary of @renegadewangs‘ fanfic series Phantoms and Mirages.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Now, onto Haunted Specters! God, I love Haunted Specters.

It’s such a pivotal and crucial stepping stone. Just about all the major actors on the playing board, and in fact, the playing board itself all get rearranged in a careful balancing act that sets the scene anew.

It is, or at least it was, SUCH an incredible struggle for me to reconcile the phantom from the previous fic with the phantom we see in this one (and subsequent instalments, even) upon taking a step back, and with good reason, although for me the divide ran a little deeper, as it completely boggled my mind how this was somehow the same character being written by the same author, let alone belonging to the same fic series that somehow had a line of continuity where it made sense for these characters to end up in these situations – this situation.

I don’t merely refer to the phantom’s characterisation – what’s so great is that you can totally get away with writing him in this manner and have the audience accept it, seeing as he’s suffered a traumatic brain injury from the fall. It allows for a great amount of freedom for what direction to take the character in that would have been absent before.

No, I also refer here to (of course) the dynamic he shares with the other characters, the way he is portrayed and positioned by the narrative, and lastly, my own personal approach to reading and my feelings towards – level of investment in the character as he is in this series. As I’ve rehashed many times, I wasn’t very absorbed in or on board with this series’ version of the phantom for a lot of the previous fic when I first read it, at least until the end. But now, going into this fic, I was fully invested in especially seeing and learning what changes and impact the fall had made on him, and there was a new, thrilling level of unpredictability attached not only to the character, but to the plot itself.

By all accounts, the series so far had set me up to want to see how Blackquill and Bobby were finally going to take down the Big, Bad, Evil Phantom once and for all. How they would, against the odds, track him down and apprehend him against his will in what was bound to be an epic showdown. I was ready for that. It’s what I wanted to see. When I previously mentioned wanting – yearning for a “slightly lighter take” in my first post? That was gone now. I was ready for some pizza, at last. It’s what I had been conditioned to expect so far, so I was like, why not? I was like, heck yeah, let’s do this.

And yet, the narrative didn’t hesitate to seem to want to throw all of this out the window altogether. My expectations completely and utterly thwarted, I found myself realising I really had no idea what direction this could possibly be going in (or why my expectations had been thwarted so thoroughly like this). I well and truly had no idea what would happen next most of the time, because I couldn’t fathom where things could possibly go, and that had me hooked to reading, so eager to know what would happen next since it was such a mystery.

Rereading Chasing Phantoms as I have done for these commentary posts was helpful in truly establishing in my mind that yes, that was the same phantom, the same phantom, the same man that is present continuously within this series. That needed to be reconciled not just with regards to portrayal, but also my own misconceptions outside of that about how the story and character were constructed back then.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s start off with looking at the first few chapters.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 1

…You know, right off the bat, I know/figure this series was mostly (if not wholly) written prior to the release of SOJ, and yet. I could be wrong but it looks like all of the provided dates still seem to match up in order to make it remain fully compliant to ace attorney canon. As in, there’s nothing directly contradicting it. And if that really is the case, well that’s just pretty damn awesome all around. AA7 will surely come along in future and ruin the fun of that I’m guessing, but for the time being, you can’t tell me all of this stuff wasn’t happening in the background even as AA6 was going on. AA6 all seems to take place prior to chapter 1, anyway. God bless timeskips!

...Wait, wait, coming back to edit this much later: scrap that. Apollo’s presence throws a spanner in the works. Ah, well. We can work around that, I’m sure. I’m gonna play around with it in my mind until it fits, somehow. :P Even later edit: Oh also Gaspen.

When Simon left the office, he couldn’t quite keep the broad grin from his face, nor the light skip from his stride.

This is so cute oh gosh happy Simon!

Save it for a more appropriate time- that was what his therapist had taught him.

Oh? Oh really? Is that so? Who might that be? No one important? Oh you mean? You mean the courtroom sniper? Is that right? You mean the phantom’s future

Boyfriend?

Nah, that can’t be right. Carry on then.

Hah, don’t worry, I’m not complaining. Lang Zi says: A man who cannot keep his own affairs in order lacks the competence to be having affairs.” “… No offense, Lang-dono, but at times the suspicion dawns on me that perhaps you’re making some of these sayings up as you go.” “This coming from the man who has a thousand and one prison anecdotes to share?” Lang paused for a moment, then his voice took on a much more serious note. “Anyway, I’m not calling for idle banter.”

“Haha, yeah, good one, so anyway, there’s a good chance your boyfriend might be dead.”

Haunted Specters, Chapter 2

“No! Hold it! Mr. Butz had no reason to kill anyone!”

I WAS WONDERING IF THE DEFENDANT WAS SOMEONE WE KNEW SKNJSDNKJ

“So tell him to hold off on ordering another useless gravestone with my name on it. In fact, tell him to stop looking for me while you’re at it.”

ANOTHER- god I love how completely wack some of these characters’ lives are/have been.

“… I gave him your regards. I gave him your regards, and then some.”

Me, known phantom fangirl trash: OH GOSH IS HE OKAY???

Me, knowing full-well that Bobby would be 100% justified acting in self-defense against a known emotionless killer, therefore also with somewhat mock concern: OH BOBBY PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T HURT HIM

(Oh, but he didn’t. I needn’t have worried.)

Ah, I’ve been sitting here, wondering what I can say to this. How his assessment is completely aligned with reader expectations and further sets them up only to be subverted, how far off his guesses are… I just… “even the tiniest glimpse of him” they’re… they’re sharing an apartment… Yeah. We’ll get there. I couldn’t find an appropriate reaction image to the above block of text, really.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 3

Okay this is extremely pernickety, and I apologise, but…

And, mind you, I usually pay no attention whatsoever to these things, and it honest to goodness makes no difference at all in the end – if the narrative says it’s Tuesday, then it’s Tuesday. Simple as that. I merely looked it up out of curiosity and because I’ve annoyingly taken it upon myself to micro-analyse everything in this fanfiction series like a little pest. I also kinda figured because you are picking out the dates and actively calling attention to the day of the week, that you would have some kind of system that you are sticking to for it (and the vast majority of details added into your fic was done so meticulously). And maybe Google is off on the calculation and you got it right, heh. But yeah, I definitely paid no real mind to this at all when reading it the first time around.

But then… Even if Fulbright was now avoiding help from the people close to him, that didn’t mean there weren’t any people close to him. Similarly, the Phantom could never quite work alone.

Okay, okay. I know this is a direct lead-in to re-introducing Domestique into the mix, but… oh my gosh. You really just went right ahead and… Hm! The phantom can never quite work alone. He is working with Bobby right now, as a matter of speaking.

Also. I really like Domestique’s dialogue when he’s forced to face Simon, gosh. Just so unabashedly in-your-face, so dotted with swears, it’s kinda great, really.

I ESPECIALLY LOVE THIS LINE FROM HIM:

Because honest-to-goodness, it’s kinda funny how direct it is (and the “THAT’S TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES” asdgd), but also rings really true in a “this is exactly what someone like this would say in this situation” way – exactly how they’d phrase it.

…

Oh, I love. This meeting between Bobby and the phantom at the end of the chapter. It’s – aaah. Very good. With the way it’s set out, you’re somewhat kinda like, oh, huh, is it really him though? Could it really be him? But the narrative goes right ahead and keeps dropping explicit hints. It still doesn’t outright confirm it, leaving the slightest hint of plausible deniability that perhaps this is a New Character we’re being introduced to, but… :D

Haunted Specters, Chapter 4

Even the revelation that the Chief Prosecutor had helped uncover a mole who’d been hiding right by Lang’s side was a story that’d spread through hearsay only.

Second reference to the Her 👀 (yes, I’ve been paying attention to that on this readthrough).

“Coupons. Ambassador Palaeno sends me a considerable package of these things every year, yet I find no use for them. They’re redeemable only in Cohdopia itself, so I’m sure you see my problem.”

Bro. Bro you keep making vague references to characters only for them to actually become super important and plot-relevant later on. I’m blindsided every time.

Me, reading this for the first time: Haha nice reference to a minor ace attorney character, yes, Edgey would totally still receive coupons from him. I can see that. He’s totally unrelated to this story though.

Me later: THIS SUCKER WAS ALREADY BEING REFERENCED AT THE BEGINNING OF FIC 2.

The Chief Prosecutor received gifts from the Cohdopian ambassador? Honestly, everyone was intertwined in one way or the other, weren’t they?

Good work. This is very true of the ace attorney universe and it’s cool that Simon takes note of it here like this. But it’s also very true of this fic series as well, helping reiterate that fact. Oh, Simon, you don’t even know yet how intertwined everyone even is…

You set the scene so well upon Simon arriving in Cohdopia. Really depict the atmosphere and everything super well!

So then, Simon arrives at the address, and he finds… Bobby? And it’s like, wait, wasn’t that supposed to be the phantom’s address? Why’s Bobby here? Aint that hugely coincidental…? How did Bobby find… Well, he did cross paths with the phantom, so I guess he also managed to track him down to this place somehow and he just so happens to be arriving at the same time as Simon (?!) and then some other stranger that Bobby seems to know arrives and…

…

…What?!

I love how there was still plausible deniability up until the very moment Bobby says it outright. Like, the phantom’s apartment might have been abandoned years ago, and this “stranger” is completely unrelated, and took up residence there some time after it was abandoned. Yeah – a stranger that will be an important ally and help them on their quest to bring the phantom down! Right? But Bobby’s behaviour, and then he… that’s… that stranger is no stranger at all…

Simon waited, all sorts of hypotheses dawning on him, each more ludicrous than the next. As it turned out, one of the theories he’d dismissed almost immediately on grounds of being too farfetched turned out to be truth.

LITERALLY ME

Haunted Specters, Chapter 5

“I warned you, Simon. Now back away,” Bobby hissed, grabbing him by the arm to pull him away from the faux Cohdopian.

“Faux Cohdopian”… Well,

Anyway. Well. Wow. What can I even say about this chapter? Most of it’s all contained in Simon’s POV narrative itself.

First off, you have the obvious, “whoa, this is how the phantom is being formally re-introduced to the narrative? I really don’t know what I expected but it sure as hell wasn’t this.”

This chapter, this situation, the characters, are all so incredibly volatile and it plays out, it really plays out with that constant volatility.

I, kinda immediately suspected that something was off in that the fall had done some damage to the phantom’s mind in an important, meaningful way.

Bobby’s behaviour is so surreal. Just like it is to Simon. There’s so much going on, so much to process all at once.

“I think that even you, Phantom, would agree this is nothing short of folly.”  A moment of silence followed. Sam didn’t so much as blink at the question. He merely downed the pill he’d been given by draining the water in one go. “… Sam doesn’t speak English,” was all Bobby said.

Now THINGS LIKE THIS, are what made me think, well, the narrative seemed to be encouraging this viewpoint that maybe, at this point the phantom doesn’t actually remember being the phantom. Maybe he lost all his memories, and he’s just wandering around as some poor confused amnesiac who genuinely thinks he’s Sam Specter. (That doesn’t explain a couple of things, but it was only a temporary thought of mine as I read through). But this viewpoint allowed Bobby’s behaviour to make sense in my eyes. It raises a very interesting dilemma. That the phantom is still despicable and needs to be brought to justice and what have you, but how? The phantom is completely absent now, if this man has no memories of any of that. If he genuinely thinks he’s Sam Specter, an innocent civilian who has done no wrong, and for all intents and purposes is trying to live his life as such, reacts as such? Then Bobby would probably bear no ill will against “Sam Specter”. That perhaps, well and truly up until a certain point, “Sam’s” act was not an act. Or it, at the very least, was much less of an act than it would usually be. It’s… quite convincing. In which case, Bobby wouldn’t want harm to come to innocent civilian “Sam Specter”, even if he used to be the phantom. But now? Now he’s just some weak, frail man with a serious mental condition.

The attempts to affirm the personhood, to what extent there is one, of “Sam Specter” is a very interesting point of contention.

With this in mind, as Simon went after the phantom trying to get him to come out, I kind of expected it to consistently not work. That Simon would just keep pushing and pushing to be faced with that murderer once more, only for “Sam Specter” to never break character, perhaps because there is no real character to break from at that point, so caught in a delusion. For Bobby to want him to stop because at that point he’d just be needlessly harassing “Sam Specter”.

But then he does break character, so that theory kind of goes out the window.

He’d been cornered, faced with the truth and forced to drop the charade.

But. It’s still not revealed to what extent the phantom was impacted by the fall. And I kind of got the impression that the phantom was “holding onto” the act… more than usual. More than he usually would. He only broke character under duress, so there are still a whole bunch of questions raised here about just how much he was immersed and caught up in the role of Sam, exactly. Also. Yes. On a second readthrough he reacts fiercely and breaks character specifically after the asylum comment and I just – oh my GOSH.

Also: Peacekeeper Bobby…

Bobby’s gaze moved from the broken glass to Sam Specter, who was once again cradling his head with both hands. Who was rocking back and forth on the couch, muttering to himself. Obviously not listening to a word they were saying.

Oh gosh, he really… Yeah. A fall from an apartment building can certainly do that to you.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 6

What if… What if this was a mistake? What if he’d just freed a common criminal?

Well, UM.

“Oh. Oh, right. That makes sense.” A moment’s pause. “…Wait, wouldn’t I be walking backwards then, making your six my twelve?” “…” “Or uh… I’ll just turn the clock around and make my twelve six so it’ll still be right side up for you.” “… I doubt this conversation would be any different if I were having it with a young child.”

Oh my gooosh. He’s really like this huh. He’s really just Like This.

“Oh. … Well, that’s good! That nobody else is stuck here, I mean, not the… the selling.” “Stop wasting time on such trivial sentiments and prepare yourself.”

“Trivial sentiments”… I just… He’s really always Like This. Your version of the phantom is so talkative, something I noticed pretty early on, but I love it, honestly. He could have easily just ignored the statement and continued to tend to the task at hand here, not saying anything, and Bobby would have easily taken that cue and also started to focus more and not really said anything further, but oh, no, the phantom just had to throw in some kind of remark. Not replying would have conveyed the same meaning, but this guy? He’s absolutely gonna say something. He didn’t have to equate Bobby to a child either, easily could have chosen to say nothing. BUT HERE WE ARE. I love it.

Two strangers, guarding each other with their lives on the gamble they’d both make it out in one piece.

Incredible. Incredible!

“What…? Friendship?” For the first time since they’d met, the man’s voice showed more than a stoic nature. Some sort of subdued confusion. “… Wasn’t it… justice?”

THIS MOMENT IS GOLDEN. Yes, YES.

And, you know, his brain’s all muddled, he’s missing huge chunks of his memory… And he really is kind of blurting this out at this point? Like a knee-jerk reaction. He’s reaching for a – for a memory that just comes to him even if he can’t quite put it in full context, or even if he CAN, he really says this without thinking. Because even if he was suffering from this confusion, I am very certain that he would not just blurt it out like that under normal circumstances. No. This man is half out of his mind! He must know that Bobby doesn’t recognise him and he has no real reason to tip him off otherwise right now (because it could backfire very easily if Bobby freezes up or freaks out as a result!), to ask him like that... Haaah. I’m so here for really-not-all-there phantom.

Still, even through their little exchange, Sam looked blissfully lost. As if he truly didn’t understand what they were discussing about the Phantom. About him. What a pathetic little farce.

This really did have me genuinely uncertain what to think. Like, how much of “Sam Specter” is a farce? How invested was the phantom into that role? The phantom understands English perfectly, but because Sam supposedly doesn’t… Was it possible at all that selective hearing was truly at play? That the phantom gets so deep into the role that he tricks himself, his brain, into not really understanding English properly – refusing to process it? At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Bobby makes the requests for the phantom in Cohdopian, after all. He doesn’t just casually sit there and say “hey phantom, come out” in English. Switching between “Sam” and “the phantom” evidently takes… some effort for him. And mind you, I was putting all of this (selective hearing etc.) down to the results of the fall as well. I mean, if the phantom was “Sam” under normal circumstances before the fall he’d be able to understand English perfectly well, he’d just pretend he couldn’t, and also that he’d be able to switch in and out and between personas quite easily. But that the fall did things to his mind to make it all more difficult, for him to now be able to engage in this selective understanding, is what I figured.

But… maybe Simon’s right. Maybe he still really does understand everything they say, and is just faking it. He’s such a good actor that it really is hard to tell.

And maybe the simple fact is that it’s still easy for the phantom to switch between personas, it’s just difficult to switch out of them since he has so little sense of self. And maybe that’s just the way it always has been and the fall didn’t actually change that.

Sam’s personhood hinges on how “conscious” the phantom is while Sam is in place. The less the phantom is actually present (selective hearing etc), the more “Sam” is just Sam. But it’s later implied (more than once I think) that the phantom really is just, conscious while he is Sam, and that being “brought out” is not such an immense struggle as it otherwise could be. And yet, at the same time, the narrative seems to want to tilt us in favour of acknowledging Sam as a… a person, his own person. Of sorts. And… I guess it makes sense(?). During the whole of Dual Destinies, even if every action taken by “Bobby” was consciously chosen by the phantom… Those actions were all taken for a reason, all matching up to the consistent persona “Bobby Fulbright”. Both “Bobby” and the phantom would make a choice or engage in a behaviour for the most part, even if the reasoning was different at times they were united on the action itself. Sam is… kind of the same? He is the spitting image of what used to be a real human being, all of his outward actions and behaviours (are intended to) replicate that human being. By cobbling together some approximation of a real person like this, it is perhaps easier to treat them like a real person if they behave in all intents and purposes as such. Especially considering the circumstances. There’s a constant duality going on which I guess is what we’re supposed to settle on? The phantom never really goes away, he’s always there behind the scenes. But Sam’s there too, and we gotta treat him as real or things kinda just fall apart, really. There’s also much to be said for how Sam’s personhood is as much constituted to the extent that it’s acknowledged by those around him, too. We can’t just look at it on its own. It’s also something that’s made more “real” by others treating it and to an extent acknowledging it as real. Even if, in the very end, there might be nothing truly behind it.

THERE IT IS. Right off the bat, I just gotta say: the phantom is really channelling his inner Franziska. XD. Addressing characters by their FULL NAMES. I noticed it quite a bit in the sense that it is, very consistent within his speech pattern, almost making it a kind of “character trait” of a man who himself claims to have no real character. But of course – it makes it stand out all the more when switching to “Prosecutor Blackquill” instead.

”If you attempt to lay a hand on Sam Specter a second time, I will not hesitate to interfere and protect him.”

Here it is, the phantom himself almost treating Sam like a completely separate person… I… don’t think he would have taken this approach before the fall. Hmm. BUT ALSO. Here he’s also implying that he is conscious enough while behaving as Sam to be able to “not hesitate to interfere and protect him”. Hmm!

“Watch your tongue before I cut it off,” he hissed. “I would never lay a hand on Fulbright.” “… See that you don’t.”

Me: I WELL AND TRULY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL, WHAT IS GOING ON, the phantom is protective of Bobby, well and truly his brain was influenced by that fall.

Simon really is/was in the exact same boat, honestly.

Now we have the smuggling ring brought up, the March 2019 exposure referenced, another reference to how there was a mole in interpol before… And I was kind of like, “hm! You know! There’s a certain character this brings to mind, yet unfortunately they’re nowhere in sight. Kinda really sucks they’re not a character in this fic series, honestly!” Yes, such a shame, really.

”[…] That’s why we need to expose the involvement of Lex Luster […]”

Me, reading this for the first time: Wait. Lex… Le…x. Huh. That’s… for some reason, that name rings a bell. Ah – that’s right. This “Lex”, he’s quite an important character, isn’t he? From what tiny random scraps of information I’ve seen about this fic series (from years ago!)… Yes. I’m pretty sure that this “Lex” character will be showing up quite a lot going forward.

...Well, I wasn’t wrong.

Michael After Midnight: Movie 43

I want you all to know I sat at my computer for many minutes trying desperately and ultimately failing to find some way to talk about anthology or sketch comedy films. I kept trying to come up with some comparisons to how well the horror genre handles these kinds of films (for the most part anyway). And I was totally going to come up with some brilliant, cutting lead in to talking about the black hole of talent known as Movie 43.

Sorry to disappoint you all. It’s a sentiment I share with just about every single actor in this film.

Movie 43 is a sketch comedy film, though honestly the “comedy” part should be in quotations because it takes a mind heavily impaired by illicit substances to find humor in this film. And look, I’m no comedic prude; I get a laugh out of stuff like Freddy Got Fingered, I’m not so snooty I’m above Scary Movie or getting a chuckle out of Step Brothers, I’m not only in to high concept British comedies or anything. But this, this really is bad on a level that even The ABCs of Death wasn’t, because as disgusting, vomit-inducingly bad as that film was, at least it was full of no-name actors with nothing to lose and no dignity to begin with seeing as they were in The ABCs of Death. This movie is not only stuffed to the brim with famous actors and actresses, most of them were roped into appearing in this out of strict contractual obligation rather than any real desire to be in the film. A lot of actors just got sucked in and guilted, only a small handful of them even showed up to the premier, and only Stephen Marchant has anything nice to say about being in the movie. Everyone else has at least enough dignity to be ashamed of their involvement.

I guess there’s no sense in prolonging this: let’s take a look at one of the most abysmal comedies of the modern age:

The Pitch: This is the framing device that is used for the US cut of the film, and thus the framing device I saw, in which a disgraced movie director played by Randy Quaid pitches his numerous shitty ideas to a producer, with said shitty ideas being all the sketches in this film. So basically, what you’re watching is what I can only assume was the actual pitch for this movie, and thus it sucks. There is nothing entertaining about this framing device; it really says something when the international version’s framing device, where kids look for a banned movie on the internet, sounds a lot better as a framing device.

The Catch: So apparently this was the first sketch filed, and it was used to sucker other celebs into joining the film. And I mean, it has Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, and who wouldn’t want to be in a movie with those two? Well, when Hugh Jackman has testicles dangling from his neck, I sure wouldn’t. This isn’t really the worst sketch because of its content, but it is awful because it just hurts so much to see something so embarrassing. You feel so bad for Jackman for having those fake testicles on his neck, and you feel bad for Kate Winslet for having to act through this with Jackman. It honestly makes me depressed just thinking about it.

Homeschooled: This is probably one of the few sketches in the film that actually approaches being amusing. In it, parents played by Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber talk to another couple about how they homeschooled their kid, and how they made his homeschooling feel like authentic high school, complete with the parents bullying, hazing, and just making their poor son’s life into a living hell. All these jokes are pretty standard and basic, and of course they gotta throw in some incest jokes too and top everything off with some Oedipal imagery, but it could have been worse. Really, when it comes to this film, “could have been worse” is the best you can ask for.

The Proposition: Have you ever wanted to see Chris Pratt’s ex-wife ask him to take a shit on her? No? Well congratulations, fucker! You’re a normal, functioning human being, and not either of the writers for this shitty segment. This segment ends with Chris Pratt being hit by a car, exploding in a massive shit tsunami, and then his girlfriend finally accepts his proposal. What a load.

Veronica: Out of the entire movie, this might be the most inoffensive clip of the bunch; it’s not funny or anything, but it’s at least not as tacky and offensive as the others. I guess it helps that Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin are just really hamming it up for this one, as if they know they’re in a terrible bastardization of an indie movie scene and just want to make the whole thing look as dumb as possible. It’s not a good sketch, but it’s almost okay.

iBabe: So there’s this new life-sized nude replica of a woman you can use as an MP3 player. The fan was place din a certain spot that’s causing problems. Can you guess the spot, and the problem? If you’re the age of twelve or older, you sure can, and if you can, there’s really no reason to watch this pointless sketch.

Superhero Speed Dating: Batman is a dick to Robin. Tee hee. What a funny fucking joke. Next.

Machine Ki- Ok you know what? Fuck it. I am talking about the fucking speed dating segment, because it is just such an obnoxious, unfunny joke. Batman is just rude, condescending, and worst of all a total cockblock who doesn’t respect his partner, which is the sort of thing you see a lot in parodies of Batman mythos. And it’s just so… totally opposite of what Batman is, it doesn’t really subvert his relationship with Robin in a funny way either, it’s just “Haha what if Batman was a dick to his student?” And it’s just not funny. It’s lame, it’s lazy, and it’s a sign of someone with an extremely shallow knowledge of Batman.

Anyway…

Machine Kids: So it was kind of supposed to just be a joke, interrupting this segment to rant about the last one, but there is honestly just nothing I can say about this one. It’s a sketch that exists, I guess? It’s not particularly funny, it’s just something that’s real.

Middleschool Date: You know what’s really funny? Girls getting their periods. That’s the entire joke of this segment. If you don’t think girls getting their periods and teens freaking out over not understanding basic life facts is funny, this won’t amuse you. It also has a rather nonsensical ending, which certainly doesn’t help it out much.

Happy Birthday: This is it. This is the sketch that most closely approaches the realm of being funny. It’s about a guy catching a leprechaun for his buddy’s birthday, but the leprechaun is an obscene, nasty little bastard. It’s funny seeing Gerard Butler play a leprechaun, the joke is okay, the sketch doesn’t really overstay its welcome, and it has a juvenile but kinda amusing punchline. Maybe it’s just because everything else in the movie is so bad, but this one just isn’t really one I can muster a lot of hate for.

Truth or Dare: Halle Berry and Stephen Marchant go on a date and begin playing, well, truth or dare, and soon enough things go from risque to downright insane. If you’ve ever wanted to see Halle Berry make guacamole with a prosthetic boob, well, here you are. I feel it’s not worth it considering how nasty and disturbing the end is, but Marchant sure is unashamedly proud of being in a sketch with Halle Berry.

Victory’s Glory: This one is just boring and filled with bland stereotyping. It’s one you’ll forget exists as soon as it’s over.

Beezle: In the midst of the credits, we see how far James Gunn has come as a creator when we are subjected to this edgy piece of garbage he created. It’s about a girl who thinks her boyfriend’s animated cat is trying to sabotage her relationship, which he is. It has sodomy, brutal murder, bestiality, all that charming stuff from the man who brought us Guardians of the Galaxy. I guess this really is good as a showcase of how far he has come as a writer and director, because this ain’t Guardians, it ain’t Slither, and most importantly it ain’t good.

So… yeah. As you can see, there’s really nothing of value to be found here. Like yes, there’s an okay sketch in the middle of all this, but there were some passable ones in The ABCs of Death, and that movie was still shit. I’m sure you’re expecting some witty summation of this movie and its flaws, maybe a reiteration of how depressing it is to see so much talent wasted for unfunny jokes, maybe some sort of comedic take on all this garbage.

Well, that’s not happening. Even thinking about this stupid movie for this long has sapped my strength. I’m going to lie down. Fuck this movie.

Mx Nillin

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

Personally? Less than 5 years. I’ve been non-monogamous with my nesting partner, Falon, for about 4 years now, but neither of us explicitly identified as polyamorous until we started seeing our best friend Kate about a year ago. 

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

Falon and I are legally married and live together in a tiny apartment with a cat and two guinea pigs. We’re in a romantic, sexual, and emotional relationship with our best friend, Kate, who lives on her own a short drive across town.

Kate doesn’t want to ever get married or live with anybody else. She really values having her own place to herself and so do we, so, it just works out for everybody really well! We all see each other multiple times a week, binge watching Netflix shows, playing nerdy tabletop games, going on date nights, checking out local events, or trying out threesome positions for ourselves and then blogging about them [http://mxnillin.com/will-it-threesome-double-dip/] LOL

Though Fal, Kate, and I are in a closed polyamorous triad together, we’re all still non-monogamous to a degree. Each of us has a friend or two we sometimes share nudes and flirt with outside of our relationship, but the three of us are all romantically committed to each other.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

Ugh, honestly, I wouldn’t say that I “excel” at anything so much as I’m just doing the best I can to look after my own health and wellness while also striving to be the best partner I can be to Kate and Falon.

I used to be REALLY bad at the whole self-care thing and it lead to a lot of fear, anxiety, insecurities, and jealousy in my past relationships. I almost exclusively relied on those who I was intimate with to just comfort me until I felt better. In some cases, I put the entire onus of my mental and emotional health onto my past partners. Unsurprisingly, that created some incredibly fucking unhealthy behaviors as I sought out a pretty constant supply of comfort, validation, and assurance from them in order for me to feel happy and secure in those relationships.

That’s not so much an issue for me anymore, and I’m really proud of that because it has taken a lot of hard work to unlearn those toxic behaviors, develop healthier personal habits, and overall better communicate with the people who I love. I’m also much more on top of taking my anti-depressant pills, and going in to see my counsellor, when necessary.

That’s not to say I’m some stoic, chill master of my emotions or anything. Insecurities still crop up, jealousy sometimes rears its head, and on occasion a little validation is appreciated, but I think all of that is pretty natural

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

The stigma. Holy shit, the stigma

I‘ve never loved two people at the same time, and in the same ways, before. I’ve never been committed to two partners at once before. Like, it’s no exaggeration when I say that my relationship with Falon and Kate has shattered my entire perspective of life, love, family, the institution of marriage, identity, politics, and so much more.

And all for the better, I might add!

But polyamory isn’t something you see reflected back at you by society, especially not in any sort of positive, judgement-free way. It’s not a relationship structure that’s even sorta socially, politically, governmentally, or economically accepted, let alone widely acknowledged, talked about, written about, ore seen out in public. And it sure as shit isn’t represented in a lot in literature, or art, or media of any kind… at least not in ways that don’t tend to be fetishizing or tragic. 

I mean, when’s the last time you’ve seen any sort of show about an everyday non-binary queer navigating life with their poly family? Never? Yeah, me neither.

All of this has led to us having to pretty regularly endure super shitty, awkward situations of us having to be in the closet depending on who we’re interacting with at any given time. Trying to remember who you’re out to, and who is SAFE to be out to, is exhausting and stressful for us all.

And that fucking blows. Yet it’s oftentimes necessary for all our safety.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

I talk about it with my partners. A lot. We check in with each other pretty often and we don’t let difficult discussions go undiscussed for long. 

And I write about it too! Maybe too much at times haha.

I find that by putting myself out there, speaking up about my experiences and relationships, it has helped me empower others in their poly relationships while offering me the opportunity to learn from them as well. Especially other sex bloggers, writers, and workers.

I’ve also surrounded myself with a pretty amazing little family of queer and trans folks who have been wonderful supports in my life.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Clear, concise, honest communication has been key. Fal, Kate, and I are all aware of each other’s past partners and we’ve all tested ourselves for STI’s. Currently, we’re all fluid-bonded together, so, condom usage isn’t really there like it used to be. However, we still make sure to boil any sex toys that are shared (between uses), keep our nails trimmed, use lube as needed, and generally make sure that we’re listening to and respecting each other’s boundaries.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that? 

Not sure if this is really a polyamory mistake so much as it is a boundaries issue. A couple years ago, shortly after Falon and I were married, I had JUST started blogging about how non-monogamy worked for us when we became good friends with somebody we had met through our local LGBTQ+ community. Early on in the friendship, the three of us mutually masturbated together, but we were very explicit in expressing that we were not looking for a relationship of any kind and that the three-way ‘bating was just for fun and probably not a regular thing. 

End of story, right?

Not so much. While Fal and I felt that we were very clear, and that our friend had understood, he instead doubled down. Over the months that followed, he ended up inserting himself into our relationship in a lot of invasive ways that on their own looked innocent enough, but when considered all at once were actually quite manipulative. Then one day he tries to show up at our house to talk with Falon, and when they said they weren’t feeling comfortable taking right now (he was being very pushy) he just forced the conversation anyway by professing his love to them. Oh, and me too, but only as an afterthought when Falon made it clear they were NOT interested.

Things went downhill from there really fast as we started to realize the real degree of his intrusiveness, complete with finding out he had been self-sabotaging opportunities for himself because he had this thought in his head that we’d all live up living together.

Anyway, it’s a long story overall but Fal and I learned a lot about what we were and weren’t comfortable with and set even cleared boundaries with others. That whole thing was bad enough that it almost turned us off from non-monogamy and polyamory altogether though. Luckily, we worked through it because several months after that gong show things started up with Kate, which has been amazing!

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like polyamory intersects with or affects those identities?

I am a fat, queer, non-binary, loud, foul-mouthed sex blogger with hairy tits, a girl cock, and a full-on fetish for actively subverting social roles and expectations… so of course I’m also polyamorous haha. Seriously though, over the last several years I’ve radically transformed myself as a person, to better reflect who I’ve always been but didn’t feel safe or confident being until my late twenties. I had to, because if I didn’t I was on the fast track to self-destruction [but that’s another story entirely]. 

Now, for the first time ever, I feel empowered to live my life as my authentic self and it turns out that a big part of that has included being polyamorous. Monogamy, at least in how it exists in our culture, has always felt incredibly restrictive, uncomfortable, and toxic to me personally; whereas falling in love with Falon and Kate, opening myself up to them both and forming our queer little polycule, has felt like the most natural thing in the world to me since I came out as queer and trans.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

You can find the vast majority of my work on my blog at www.mxnillin.com. One of the most popular features there is "Mx Nillin Fucks", a blog post series in which I stick my girl cock in a wide variety of inanimate objects, mostly foods so far,  as makeshift masturbation sleeves and write about how good or bad it is. This year is themed "Back to Basics" and has focused on classic masturbation items (banana peels, socks, DIY penetrables, melons, etc.). Outside of this you can also find me regularly participating in #SexEdPornReviews tweets for The Crash Pad Series.

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Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

I don’t speak in class and yet here I am saying this anyway (sorry for the really overt reference...bye)

I didn’t mean to do this, but, since I’ve been sick and laying in bed a lot because I haven’t really had the energy to do anything, I started reading interviews with and articles about Pearl Jam. A couple of them I remembered I’d already read, but I kept reading, anyway, because I forgot some of the things they mentioned and how they said them. So, somehow, after I finished reading all the interviews/articles I felt like reading, I decided to watch the “Jeremy” video again. And, afterward, I started having some serious, analytical thoughts about it, so I opened up OneNote on my phone and started taking notes. Only, these notes weren’t just notes. And then they weren’t just about “Jeremy.” So that’s why I’m writing this now, even though in my head I already wrote this post and I wrote it completely differently than the way I’m writing it now. Bummer. Thoughts are only good once, I guess.

So, the reason I’m writing this, after the context above, is because, after writing down some of my critique ideas about “Jeremy,” I ended up going off on a tangent and critiquing Pearl Jam, instead. And the thing is, awhile back I talked about wanting to write a gender critique of Pearl Jam, right? I did. I said so a couple times at least. But I haven’t really touched the article since I first had the idea for it, and maybe one other time, very briefly. I definitely did not intend to come back to that article now, and I have no idea where these thoughts came from precisely. But I wrote them down, nonetheless, and now…well, now I have anxiety. So I needed to write, of course.

I just find it interesting how I planned to write the critique of Pearl Jam, and, in my head, it was going to be mostly positive. It really was. And maybe that’s because the topic is fairly narrowed down – gender – but I really had it in my head that it would be a positive critique. Well…I guess I didn’t account for getting sick and having all this seemingly-extra time on my hands and these thoughts that are most likely not influenced by my illness but I suppose it’s possible they are. But hey, I’ve thought them so far, so there’s some validity in that, at least.

Anyway, long story short, this critique I suddenly started writing ideas down for that ended up not being related to “Jeremy” at all became a critique of the band. Gender was definitely a topic I centered most of my ideas around, as well as philanthropy and social issues (now that was directly related to my piece about “Jeremy”), and so, to explain further, I think I came to this topic when I started writing about subverting expectations. And basically I concluded in a fairly short space with only a few ideas to support this idea, that Pearl Jam do not and have not inherently subverted any expectations. So…it became a negative critique. In other words.

And honestly, hence the anxiety, I guess I’m struggling with that right now. Since I became such a big fan a few months ago, I recognize now that I was participating in the very thing I’ve been so annoyed about: ultimate, blind fandom. Of course, a lot of the fandom I’ve been annoyed about involves sexualizing the musicians which I have not been doing, but blind fandom – I mean, they’re in a similar space, I think. So now that I feel like I’ve regained my sight, I also feel disappointed in my own actions, let alone theirs. (And, anyway, their actions have nothing to do with me. I’ve simply critiqued theirs to the point where I feel less good about all the respect I previously amassed upon them.)

Now, before anyone gets up in arms over this, I’m not sharing any of my critique here tonight or probably for a long time in the future. I just needed to write about this to document my struggle with it. And it is a struggle, which maybe you don’t believe. But I typically don’t start liking something or someone, become obsessed with it, critique it, realize the error of my affections, and then immediately get over it. That’s definitely not what happens, and that’s not what is going to happen here. To start with, I didn’t become obsessed with Pearl Jam when I started listening to them. In fact, I listened to their first three albums for an entire year before I started watching live performances and became interested in them as a group/as people. So, basically, I think it’s fair to say I was wary. I was wary for the same, low-key reasons I mentioned just a few months ago, for example, when I tried identifying their personality types – I judged them based on my own bias. But the thing about that is, and not to alienate anybody (or myself?) but my first impressions tend to be pretty dead-on. Whatever I feel based on the way someone comes off a lot of the time ends up ringing true in the end. Which is to say, I feel whatever I do about someone, I warm up to them and think I was stupid not to have given them a chance earlier, and then we come full circle and whatever it was I didn’t like about them from the beginning ends up ending my connection to them. And I’m not saying that to be like, ‘Haha, look at me, I can identify people and their true nature really well from the very start and it sucks for all of you people who can’t…’ because, like…well, no, because if that were true, I wouldn’t end up giving them a chance. But sometimes I do, and look where it’s gotten me! So I don’t actually always learn my lesson with that.

So here’s me not learning my lesson…again.

However, I do think it’s important to say that, no matter how my critique ends up turning out (be it positive or more on the negative side of things), I still respect the music. While I may not learn my lesson about trusting my gut instinct about someone or something from the very start and ending up down a rabbit hole of ‘everything depends on my respect for this person/group’ in particular, probably, I still have this blessed ability to respect the art and be able to put all of my admiration and energy into respecting that. As an artist, myself, I absolutely believe that art is sacred. Not everything art has to say is sacred, but the act of creating and sharing that art is THE MOST sacred thing. Not to get all preachy, but I really do feel that’s true.

Even though, sometimes, I will admit I have moments where I’m listening to their music and I think ‘Hm, um…you know what? This…this actually…really isn’t that good…’ And I never know if I think that because of my mood – because I’m feeling particularly antagonistic/critical (about the music or, perhaps, more specifically about/because of the band) – or because there is some little justifiable reason for the thought, but other times I obviously rock tf out and I feel the music very deeply and appreciate its existence. Still, whatever I feel about it, I still respect it. But the fact of the matter is that my respect for the music and my respect for the people who make it is not intertwined. I know it is for a lot of people, and hey, maybe it is for me right now (hence the struggle), but that’s not how it is for me all the time, and I absolutely appreciate that. When the artists let me down, the great thing is that the art is always there for me. I can always depend on the art. And I always want that, because, a lot of the time, that’s how I fucking stay alive. That’s how I decide to keep living. So yeah, I fucking respect the art. But I don’t inherently owe my respect to the people who make it. That’s just a lucky bonus that sometimes happens.

The thing is, back to my “please don’t kill me, fellow Pearl Jam fans,” I don’t not respect them. I respect their philanthropy efforts a WHOLE HELL of a lot. For one thing, when I became a fan, I did NOT expect to respect that so much, but that’s really something that they’ve been about since their inception, so there’s no reason in relation to that for me to say, ‘Nah, fuck these guys, they’re not doing enough’ or ‘They’re not doing anything that’s actually making a difference.’ Not that I think anyone – fan or not – would actually say or think that, but I’M JUST SAYING…I'm not saying that. At least not exactly. I recognize that, as a band who already does a great service by sharing their music with the world, they’re not, by any means, obligated to support other/outside and often political issues. Like, especially me, I believe wholeheartedly that art is political. And it may be a lot more obvious with a band like Pearl Jam, but still, I think that should say even more that they’re not required to be political otherwise. And yet, they are! And they’ve done AMAZING, INCREDIBLE things for people and their community (which I happen to sort of be part of) and issues that are really important to them. So I’m not discounting or discrediting that at all, for a second. All I’ll say about my critique is that, from just some of the ideas I ended up writing down, I realized that I’m disappointed there is not more to admire. And yeah, I did just say in this same paragraph and then disprove that “they’re not doing enough,” but well…in some ways – just some ways! – that is true. In issues unrelated to the things I’ve already mentioned/that most PJ fans already know about, and things I’m specifically educated in/about, I’m thinking there is veracity in that. And that’s all I will say until I post my actual critique, which I do plan on doing, but possibly not until the far future because I want to be as thoughtful and resourceful in my critique as I possibly can be. This…this is really just me writing about my reaction to the realization. But this isn’t at all the realization, itself. At least not fully formed and eloquently stated with sources and evidence to support my idea. :) I definitely admit that.

If you don't mind me asking, why don't you like sanvers?

I don’t mind your asking, though I suspect some people might mind listening. I do want to say off the bat that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. This isn’t a bad or “problematic” relationship or anything. It just leaves me drier than a desert. And frustrated. Especially because it wasn’t my initial reaction to it. In fact, Sanvers owes me water. Preferably coconut.

I’ll just dump this below the cut.

Idk, yeah, when it was first introduced, I was pretty excited about it. It was set-up as a slow-burn throughout the season, and though I didn’t personally find Alex’s story relatable, I do know it was well-done and quite validating, particularly for people who came into their sexuality later in life. At the same time, I was getting a bit into Kate Kane canon, and seeing a Renee Montoya-inspired character on the screen was super exciting (thank you Griffin, for that one).

“Maggie Sawyer” (I have issues with them picking that name, but whatever) was this kind of snarky, edgy, smarter-than-average lady cop who would look *banging* in a fedora and 3-piece Kevlar suit.

Don’t get me started on my otp, btw.

Nah, I mean I figured their Mags was going to be whatever they needed, but I still assumed that she’d take some queues from Renee Montoya. And I was right! There was a backstory copy+paste in 2x13…sorta.

The thing is, while this setup was great, then there was that episode where the writers were just like, “LOL relationship!” And on one-hand, that’s great, but my initial reaction to it was disappointment that the slow burn was going away. But, whatever, subverted expectations are no big deal.

However, I think part of that disappointment was a worry that getting them together and an almost “we’re so ideal!” timeline was going to shove them into the mold of “okay, we did the gay thing, and now they can be over here.” Which is a simplification of what we ended up with, but I do think it was pretty fucking sanitized. I talk about the “closer to earth” trope a lot, and goddamn if there wasn’t a better example than Alex inviting Maggie’s ex-girlfriend to a date (literally no one would do this), and then them having about 2 seconds of conflict before Alex was all, “haha I’m glad you have baggage.”

Maybe in a different mood I would have been into that (my mood wasn’t great for the rest of the series this year, if I’m being honest), but it just read as almost infantilizing. Like, we queer ladies can’t handle anything other than perfect and pure love, or else we crumble! Add to that the stupid fucking marriage proposal. I’m sorry, U-Hauling is totally a thing, but jumping into a heteronormative institution that damn quickly, especially given Maggie’s less than ideal past with how people have reacted to her sexuality? Like…ehhhh.

Also, remember that time Maggie was holding off jumping into something with Alex because she had so many concerns about Alex’s first time with a woman seeming shiny and new and she’d have these feelings that would be intense and that rushing shit was a bad idea? Which is COMPLETELY ACCURATE?

Speaking of Maggie, I was a bit disheartened to see her transform from, like, a character, to Girlfriend McPlotNeeds. Because there is just…it’s like there’s nothing to her. Paper-thin, and no consistency. And yeah, after reading the excellent Gotham Central (thank you again, Griffin), to go from that to Montoya-light with 15 different police disciplines and utter incompetence when it comes to defending the police station (just go rewatch the shotgun scene, because girl, this is so inefficient), I was a little miffed. So I know I can get a tad…nitpicky with these logistics. But there was just so much wasted potential.

Look, I get the aspirational aspect of Sanvers, because they legit are supportive. My issue is that the support feels empty, because there’s really nothing underneath. “Ride or die” is a cool mentality, but that’s really the perfect microcosm here. Because when Maggie said that, the context didn’t really make sense. Like…Alex was going to be breaking all the laws and dragging her into it. Okay, support her at the end of the day if it’s like, “she’s going to do this any way,” but at least check if she’s really, REALLY sure. And maybe point out the consequences. Good partners should challenge you when you need to be.

Not that I would know anything about that.

I was in a relationship with some pretty obvious red flags, and not a single friend of mine said shit about it because they were determined to be good allies and would just chuck support at the concept of us. I know Sanvers isn’t problematic in any way, but it feels just like that same mentality went into the scripting. At a different stage in my life, or maybe without Mon-El putting me in a horrible mood for these episodes anyway, I’d feel differently towards it. But for now I just say, “really isn’t for me.”

You know what is for me?

These two ain’t closer to earth, I’ll tell you that.

Hell Fest Review

Hell Fest came out of nowhere for me last fall and wasn’t on my radar at all initially. Once I knew about the premise—a slasher loose in a Halloween theme park—I was in. It turns out that it could’ve been a little more inventive in places and gone further when it was doing new things, but it was definitely a fun thrill ride!

Full Spoilers…

The movie absolutely nailed the atmosphere and feeling of being at a Halloween event like Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights, except when the characters were in the haunted houses: there’s no way the people in line would wait for each group to go through alone. I wish Universal could manage that! haha That said, I agree with some other comments I read online that Hell Fest could’ve used the theme park setting (in particular, the rides) a little more: this environment could’ve lent itself to a wider variety of kills based on the existence of the rides alone. One area where not using the theme park mentality as expected actually worked to great effect was the security guards’ reactions to the news that a killer was on the loose. The one-night-only conceit of Hell Fest could’ve given the security guards’ disbelief in a real serial killer a more sinister bent (they can’t shut the park down because it’d be disastrous financially), but it was a nice surprise that they genuinely believed that it was just an employee doing their job and only pretending to kill people. That was a great layer of the “what’s really happening and what’s fake?” psychological games our heroes have to contend with. It’s actually also what I wish they had pushed further with the theme park setting rather than deaths on rides: even more uncertainty about what was actually going on.

I also liked that the movie subverted my expectations regarding some of the deaths. Given one of her first scenes at Hell Fest, I thought they’d have Brooke (Reign Edwards) get killed first, following the “black girl/guy dies first” cliché, so it was an awesome surprise that charging into an isolated area after the killer in defense of her bestie Natalie (Amy Forsyth) by herself didn’t result in her dying. I also expected good guy Gavin (Roby Attal) to survive the film, allowing the harrowing events of the night to give him and Natalie the confidence to get together, so his being killed first was another shock. He also got an inventive death—killed with a carnival “test your strength” mallet—which was a good change of pace from the typical slasher M.O. Taylor’s (Bex Taylor-Klaus) death was probably the best scene of the film: first we get a theme park-sanctioned fake-out as she’s “beheaded” by a guillotine in front of a crowd, then the murderous ‘Other’ tries to kill her while she’s still strapped to the guillotine only for the blade to not be sharp enough, so she manages to free herself and escape for a brief chase where no one believes she’s in real danger. That sequence managed to create a whole lot of tension, dread, and even some comedy with the Other’s reaction to the guillotine not working the first time. It’s an extremely well-crafted sequence, so it’s a shame that it ended with the Other just going on a stabbing spree, which was much more generic (and disappointing) than the deaths that had come before. Another innovation was Nat giving up the location of a terrified Hell Fest-goer (Courtney Dietz) to the Other and even encouraging him to kill her (thinking it was all part of the haunted house). That forged a connection between them, but I wish they’d taken a lot more time to explore its effects on Natalie once she knew people were really dying. One of my favorite scares at Halloween Horror Nights was a scare-actor pulling a planted employee out of line inside one of the houses and killing them in full view of everyone, so having Natalie goad the Other into ‘doing his job’ was the most unsettling moment in this movie. Anyone could’ve made her mistake: in that kind of environment, how would you be able to tell if something like that was real?

While I liked Natalie as the lead, there was a weird streak of vaguely-defined darkness in her past that was repeatedly referenced but never really expounded on. It seemed like it was there to make her “deeper” or something, but darkness and angst aren’t shortcuts to depth, nor do they necessarily add anything to a character. She didn’t need that weirdness to make her relatable; there wouldn’t have been anything wrong with her just being a normal college student. She was a solid character without some past tragedy and it didn’t make her fight for survival any more compelling to have this vaguely referenced past (especially when the creepy bond between Natalie and the Other is established and is MUCH darker than almost anything that could possibly be in her past). Still, it was great to see Nat fight back in classic Final Girl fashion and popping out of a Boo Hole to stab the killer was great! That was a nice use of her earlier clocking the pattern of scares in the houses. The bond between Natalie and Brooke was well written and acted by both of them, making even a reference to running off to Spain that could’ve felt completely random feel like a piece of their shared history. I really liked that all these friends actually had each other’s backs and stood up for each other instead of being the unlikable idiots that you might expect in a slasher movie.

Bex Taylor-Klaus had the most energy amongst the cast and I wish the others matched her more often (though everyone else’s characters were written to be much more subdued than hers, especially the other women). She was best playing off of Tony Todd, who was wasted in his cameo. If only four people died as the news at the end of the movie says, I hope Taylor survived her stab wounds.

The villain was unfortunately kinda lackluster and the humming he was constantly doing didn’t add any creepiness. It’s not that he wasn’t a threat—the circumstances of Hell Fest made him potentially omnipresent and definitely dangerous—but he didn’t stand out as an iconic slasher. I did like how easy it was for him to get a weapon inside Hell Fest, but otherwise the Other was a pretty run-of-the-mill character, with the environment doing the heavy lifting of his intimidation factor. The reveal at the end about who he really was worked well; I wasn’t unsettled, but I liked the fact that it was just some guy. Maybe that’s an argument to not give him iconic and memorable characteristics like Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger, but the balance between his ability to blend into normal society and the memorable factor should’ve swung more in the latter’s favor for the purposes of a movie.

The movie’s dialogue was a little off in the first few scenes, but once they got to Hell Fest it flowed much more naturally. This was especially true of Natalie and Gavin’s bonding scenes; they sounded just like real people trying to find their groove on a slightly awkward first date. I liked most of the characters and thought their respective actors did a good job, particularly Forsyth, Edwards, Taylor-Klaus, and Attal. The score was good too. I thought they did a good job of crafting a more or less new environment for a slasher film, even if they didn’t utilize it to its fullest potential. Things like a ride “breaking down” and Natalie not knowing if the masked man approaching her while she was trapped in the car was the real killer or just an employee, were very cool tricks to throw the audience and the characters off-balance as to what was real and what was just part of the experience. More of that could’ve created a bigger thriller vibe, but what was there worked well.

Overall, Hell Fest is a fun slasher movie that could’ve pushed itself further. It’s worth watching, and if a sequel were to dig deeper into some of the themes and uncertainty this movie touched on, I’d watch that too.

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!  

Saw Wonder Woman Today!

Overall, way better than Man of Steel/BvS.

That being said, I still had a few problems with the writing. Spoilers under the cut:

Why does every second conversation with the Captain have to involve babymaking and/or sex. Like, the first time we have the dick/watch joke it’s haha okay but by the 5th time into the story it was really tiring. 

I’m usually pretty ambivalent about forced romance in these kinds of movies but for some reason this one just irked me. It didn’t seem natural at all and as much as I like Chris Pine I didn’t like how his character was written at all. I remember desperately hoping for them not to have an awkward love-making scene and then... being disappointed. 

One thing that was less of a genuine writing complaint and more of something I found awkward was the depiction of Ares. It was pretty obvious that Ludendorff would not turn out to be Ares but my guess was that Doctor Poison would end up being Ares. I was pleasantly surprised when they went a different route completely (I like it went movies subvert my expectations) but I still think Ares’ implementation was iffy. Particularly during the big reveal scene where Ares crashes down to Earth and looks at the camera, revealing his big-ass British mustache. It doesn’t make sense at all considering he’s a Greek god and that style of facial hair really wouldn’t have made sense in that time? I understand why they did it (easier for the audience to follow Ares’ identity) and I admit it’s a super nitpicky detail, but the audience (including myself) in the theater I was at mostly laughed at what should otherwise have been a serious scene. 

I understand that Doctor Poison is a separate villain for Wonder Woman with their own backstory, but I still think it was a missed opportunity for the doctor to not wind up as this universe’s incarnation of Ares. Would’ve been cool, but I guess it would have crossed fans who are really into the Wonder Woman lore (I am not so familiar myself). 

Honestly, these are pretty small complaints for what is otherwise a pretty good movie. The plot didn’t have any major problems, and Gal Gadot did a wonderful job with her role. If anything I feel that most of my complaints stem from Zac Snyder getting his grubby hands all over the DC franchise, and at the very least I’m glad that Patty Jenkins seemed to be in charge of most of it. Also, they made the lasso super cool, something that I was a little skeptical of going into the movie.

Tl;dr: I’m glad the movie exists but I feel like there’s definitely room for improvement.

Slumber’s 2017 Writing Round-Up

source: https://trey.dreamwidth.org/584.html 1. Total year-long word count: 56623 (+ 23700 in WIPs, so about 80k \o/)

2. Word count by fandom: Just give it all to BNHA lbr, though I did one Harry Potter fic too

3. Fics completed: 12, plus a bunch of drabbles

4. Works-in-progress: 3, 2 of which I've been avoiding for a month >.>

5. This year I wrote and posted: A LOT-- most of them here

6. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? Way, way more. I wasn't planning on writing this year at all-- I'd reached a point in my fandom life where I was pretty set on engaging in canon content primarily, and maybe reading a couple fics here and there. I'd written one thing last year, but hadn't really written since 2013. Then BNHA happened. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Uh. I got into a new fandom in the summer, and it's been my main one since, so I definitely did not predict any of that... OH. I wrote a soulmate AU. That was... not super expected, because I really kind of don’t like them in general, but uh... considering I wrote it to subvert the things I didn’t like about it, not at all that unsurprising. 

8. What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? 

It's a toss up.

"show me how to" was one of the easiest things I've ever written, the story as born from the discussion on the kink meme came so fast to me I was compelled to start writing it during my lunch break, lol. And it was written in a day, which means I have no memories of it truly tormenting me. >.> I just had so much fun writing it-- it was silly and a little out there, but I have good memories of it. :3

I also really liked "and my heart went boom", because this was maybe the least pretentious, most self-indulgent thing I'd ever given in to writing. Plus I'd had the idea for a mechanic AU for years, from a different fandom no less, so I was glad I finally got it out of me. (I just like writing disaster queers and their awkward crushes. :3)

9. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Haha, yes, I owned up to the #problematic smut I wrote for the kink meme and posted them to my AO3 account. I debated using a throwaway account for it but at the end of the day, I wanted to be honest about the topics I'd been interested in exploring, even if only for a few words. (I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER IT WAS DIFFICULT TO DO OKAY I'M TRYING TO GIVE FEWER FUCKS.)

10. Your best story of this year: I'm not sure what decides this… I kind of feel like even though I've been pretty happy with most of the stuff I've written, there's always something I wanted to do better/improve every time I reread them? I guess forced to pick, I'd go with "like you're running out of time, like you need it to survive" -- feels a little weird to say the first thing I'd written this year is the best (shouldn't I be improving? >.>) but I think this was also the biggest, most compelling story I'd had to write? Like, most of the things I wanted to say about Kiribaku are in this fic, and it's the most closely aligned to canon (minus that hospital scene >.>) which IDK, feels like it counts for something.

11. Your most popular story of this year: I guess going by kudos/hit count it's "the world you keep erasing", but I feel like I've heard the most good things for "domestic life was never quite my style" (it has more comment threads and bookmarks)?

12. Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion: Uhhhh I'm a rare pair writer, so I feel like those are underappreciated. XD But I guess of my rare pair fics I wish more people tried "diametrically opposed" (which is Rappa/Fatgum FRAPPA) and "wonders great and small" (which is Tetsudenki).

13. Most fun story to write: Oh. >.> "show me how to" for sure. I also really enjoyed writing "wonders great and small", mostly because the ending was super clear to me from the beginning and I was so motivated to get there.

14. Story with the single sexiest moment: Hahaha nothing no story I don't write sexy. >.>

15. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: OH yeah I put up a bunch, they're in "hate the sin", which is a collection of 1-sentence fills for the kink meme that specifically had some, uh, questionable pairs. Sorry. >.>

16. Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters: "show me how to" -- I hadn't really shipped Erasermic prior to this, and I actually wasn't planning to write this as Erasermic when it started. But Mic was a disaster and the casual pining slipped in, and oops now I love them.

17. Hardest story to write: "the world you keep erasing" -- I think every part of this story was a struggle to put down.

18. Biggest disappointment: I don't really know that there is one. This year I've written primarily for myself, and honestly more the reverse, I've been incredibly surprised and taken aback by the response I've gotten? Even with rare pairs, which I pretty much expect to get very little attention, get some really great feedback.

19. Biggest surprise: "and my heart went boom" -- this is like. Pure self-indulgence, I didn't expect this to get the feedback it did bc it was just. Thirsting. And not smutty. And not particularly emotional or ~deep~.  

20. Most unintentionally telling story: I don't know if it was unintentional, but I pulled a lot of my own experiences (with failures/setbacks) for "like you're running out of time, like you need it to survive".

ALSO in general nearly every fic I wrote was a love letter to Kirishima, so uhhhhh it’s very telling in that way. >.>

21. Favorite opening line(s):

Katsuki doesn't remember a world without color. (from "the world you keep erasing")

The last thing Shouto expects to be doing on a Tuesday morning is to get caught in a screaming match with a guy from Support. (from "fan this spark into a flame")

22. Favorite closing line(s): I'm less happy with my closing lines, uhhhh, so maybe The knighting business is beginning to look up. (from "wonders great and small")

23. Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere:

And Katsuki thinks: Kirishima would have taken anyone's hand. - like you're running out of time, like you need it to survive

What Kirishima does is this: a week after saving his soulmate from a flying car, he asks her out for coffee. - the world you keep erasing

When he's deep in thought, it strips the shine and varnish away to reveal the sturdy, honest core lying beneath. - soldier boys, tripping over themselves

It strikes Yamada then, the irony of it all, Yamada receiving the best orgasm of his life from the combined efforts of a virgin and an asexual. - show me how to

That's not the right butt. - and my heart went boom (<.<)

24. Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:

Not quite a scene, but mechanic!Kirishima and Bakugou's very obvious thirst, please. XD (and my heart went boom)

Bakugou and the Class A girls making chocolate. (domestic life was never quite my style)

Kaminari, Tetsutetsu, and a campfire kiss. (wonders great and small)

Any of the scenes where Frappa are eating, to be honest. (diametrically opposed)

Midoriya with a flamethrower against the ice monsters. (fan this spark into a flame)

25. Fic-writing goals for next year: I would like to finish the multi-chapter WIP I've been working on since November (I'm, uh, gonna have to re-write majority of it, oops). That's really the big one. The rest is just to continue having fun, remembering to write for myself, and being okay with taking writing breaks.

Book Reviews - The Fall of the House of Cabal

The Fall of the House of Cabal - Jonathan L. Howard - I almost didn’t want to read this book when I found out that it was the last book in this series; most of my favourite book series are still ongoing, and so there’s always more of them to come, so it says magnitudes about my love for this series that this is arguably the first time I’ve been sad that a book series was ending (I say ‘first time’ because guess what, at time of writing I still haven’t finished the fucking Discworld series) - I remember once upon a yonder when my book reviews were kind of shite, I decided that when reviewing a series of books I should review each book individually, but the problem with this is that whenever it’s time to talk about the collective positives of a book series as a whole, I’ve got to repeat the same shit over and over again; but yeah it goes without saying that this book has all the good shit that you would expect from a Johannes Cabal book -> In basic terms, you can expect a hilarious story with adventures and magic and monsters and a shit load of sarcasm, though I will say that this book deserves props for amping up the adventure aspect of the book by having FOUR fucking adventures, with cool different shit happening in each, which is astounding - The protagonist characters in this book are at their bloody best; Johannes is hilarious in his sarcasm, Horst is hilarious in his ignorance (which works especially well when played alongside his brother), Leonie is strong-willed and funny and surprisingly human, and holy shit you bet your arse I was grinning like a fool when Zarenyia, the oddly endearing spider succubus and one of my favourite aspects of the short stories, is enlisted as a main fucking character - The narrative voice in this book is so fucking hilarious, with the metanarrative often serving not only a comedic purpose but as a means of speeding the story along; whereas in Fear Institute Howard would describe every aspect of the journey, even if such a journey is relatively mundane, in this book Howard speeds past the boring bits to get to the juicy adventure stuff, and what’s more recognises that monster encounters and times of danger are so everyday for Cabal that he skips over them too should they be unimportant to the overall plot, which is fucking genius - Like with a lot of ‘last book in a series’s, there aren’t really a whole lot of new fantastic concepts and things introduced in this book, but as an exchange this book does a great job at bringing back old stuff from the series and subverting them in interesting and unpredictable ways, which, as a great fan of this series, gave me so much joy - The ending of this book, and thus the ending of the whole series, was predictably bittersweet but no less effective for its predictability; ultimately it’s as good an ending as I could have hoped for without it completely changing tone, and I’ve got to say that even if there are no more books in this series, I am happy with how it’s ended - I felt that the overall setting of this book suffered from how convoluted it was -> The setup for the adventures basically revolves around the gang travelling through these pocket dimensions shaped and formed by a person’s memories to challenge or test the person responsible for shaping it, and this works well for the worlds that beggar belief within the context of the setting, allowing for some pretty cool allegorical trials and ‘alternate world’ things with pre-existing characters -> However, this gets kind of bollocked up when considering that the world that these books take place in are already pretty weird, with its demons and steampunk airships and ghouls and shit, and so some of the dimension-hopping malarkey seems somewhat unnecessary when the adventures probably could have just been set in the real world -> Like I was really hyped to see this world’s version of grimy gothic steampunk London, but then we just end up with two pocket dimensions that are fabricated ‘versions’ of London instead, and it certainly seemed a little unnecessary - The setup does seem a rather contrived reason for allow for a shit load of adventures and trials; I realise now that the ending of the previous book was left so deliberately ambiguous solely so that Howard could bullshit this rather tenuous reasoning for adventuring escapades -> I really ought not to be complaining, since adventures are fucking cool, but I feel like a lot of reviewers might cut Howard some slack because ‘oh he’s finishing the book series, he needs to end it somehow otherwise it’ll just continue on forever and ever and eventually get stale and shite’, and though I won’t refute this claim, I don’t feel that a lack of forward planning over exactly how things are going to end and be resolved should be ignored or applauded; I didn’t let that shit slide with Sanderson, and I can’t really let personal bias get too in the way of my judgement - There is a bit of a conflicting vibe regarding the antagonists; the villains are for the most part quite comedic, being fat or overblown or possessing a ridiculously stereotypical voice, and yet this is at opposition with how seriously everyone takes their villainous actions, and there were a few times when the writing rapidly alternates between making me laugh and trying to evoke pathos -> Yeah I know Voltaire said ‘I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord make my enemies ridiculous’’, but that doesn’t really apply too much in a book that needs threatening villains to make me feel worried for the protagonists (haha I got a Voltaire quote in here) - I do wonder exactly how much of this series Howard planned out from the get go, especially when looking at how characters have developed; not that it doesn’t make sense for the characters to have developed in the ways that they do, but characters change to ridiculous extents really quickly and abruptly, and it can be a wee bit jarring - 8.5/10

There’s a load of other book reviews on my blog, check that shit out.