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smolbeandrabbles · 5 years

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Starlight - Captain Emmett Dutton x Reader (Australia)

Author’s Note: So, it took me waaaay too many watches of Australia to even think of this scenario. Or even think of him in this scenario - which is crazy and I am clearly blind. Anyways, I wrote it - here we are 💙💜

Disclaimer: I basically ripped this entire fic from the film itself and pushed the timeline on a bit, as you will see. So, I don’t want to take too much credit here at all! I wrote it that’s all!

Premise: Surprising Emmett was supposed to be the highlight of your evening, but with a little help from the weather, it’s about to get even better...

Words: 4617

Warnings: Sexual Pre-Amble (Yes, for Emmett, really!)

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And I said, "Oh my, what a marvelous tune" It was the best night, never would forget how we moved. The whole place was dressed to the nines, And we were dancing, dancing Like we're made of starlight, starlight Like we're made of starlight, starlight He said, "Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way" He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me, "Don't you see the starlight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?" Ooh ooh he's talking crazy Ooh ooh dancing with me Ooh ooh we could get married Have ten kids and teach them how to dream --- Darwin was always a gorgeous little city; and you always loved being invited out here by Emmett. Only, this particular trip you’d told him you couldn’t be in town. “What-!? Why?!” “Baby, I have work to do… You know…” “Well. Why not bring your friends..? Your friends have partners stationed here too… do they not?” “You think that’s the reason I won’t come? I’m not employed by my friends Emmett… You will simply have to wait for a more convenient time…” Of course, any time was convenient. And so was this; but, for once you wanted to surprise him. The reason he had asked you here was the party being held. He wanted you to dance with him. To introduce you to people… A different kind of class. At least, they acted like it up there in Darwin. Here where you lived was so different, but it was also a small town, not a big city. You guessed that was supposed to give them some kind of excuse to act the way they did. There was something about a close-knit community here that kept class together, not separate. That was beside the point. You had arrived and stayed with friends. But, tonight was the party. And they all wanted to help you get ready. “Are you sure he has no clue?!” “Well, you work down at the communications center, you’d know! Unless you’ve been telling him anything?” “Me?!” You eyed her; “Well?” “No!” she laughed “I would never! Him being surprised would be one thing. But the Captain seeing you in that dress!?” You looked down at yourself “Oh, well. That is the point.” They fared you well and you walked yourself across to the city hall building. Of course you likely weren’t meant to be doing this alone, but you didn’t care. Let them talk - let this be a scandal; for five minutes. You’d be in his arms soon enough. It was probably the dress, people certainly wouldn’t miss it; bright red, buttons and ribbons detailing the bodices left hand side, the skirt was voluminous – and that was before you started on the fact the back was cut deep and it was strapless. However, it made you feel like a princess, and all you needed was your prince. “Ms…Miss…” The administrator himself was speechless “…Does… Does the Captain know you are here-!? He proclaimed that he would be here alone!” “Administrator…” You gave a gentle smile, “Emmett would think that he was here alone… He is not even aware I am Darwin.” “This is a well executed plan.” “Oh! Only if it works…” You turned to the party, half nervous half excited to see him, and bit your painted lips together; “Is he… here?” “He is… my dear… I shall escort you to him myself!” You held your hand up to politely decline, with a laugh; “No, No… You must see to your other guests… That will be unnecessary… but… I thank you.” He looked a little disappointed, but, you were sure that would draw further attention you didn’t need. You continued to walk through the house slowly in your attempts to find your partner, and found yourself outside on the back lawns by the time you were accosted by someone else. “Ah-! Stanley!” “Hold on. He left you alone looking like this!?!” He placed his hand to his head and frantically looked around for Captain Dutton. “Not exactly!” You giggled. He was tall, over 6ft, dark hair, blue eyes, cool Australian tan, brilliant smile. “He has no idea does he?” “Yet none of you seem to think it at all surprising that I’m here.” “You think I think you would miss this?” He smiled and held out his arm for you to help you down the steps; “Now do you know me better than he, or does he not expect surprises?” “Sorry, you have met the man you’re courting, yes?” somehow that explained everything. “A little too serious for his own good?” “Ah. You have! I was worried!” There was a grin on his face at your remark as he looked up to the party. Now, as expected all looking at you, and all of them talking. Apart from Emmett; frozen in place. You followed Stanley’s eyes but only caught his. You weren’t sure he’d ever looked at you like that. Not even when he’d first met you. Though it wasn’t easy for him to make his way through the crowd to you. Stan let your arm go as you continued to walk forward. “Enjoy your evening!” You turned back to him, with a raised eyebrow; “And you…” Then he called out to his friend “Take care of her, Captain! I leave her in your more than capable hands!” It was a little too loud on purpose, and Emmett shook his head after Stan as the other officer departed. That left all his attention turned back on you, and he fixed you with that same look; “Y/N…” He stopped himself short, you could see it. Everything he wanted to say that would simply be inappropriate in public; “Captain…” It was his turn to hold out his arm for you to take; “I was not aware that we were expecting such company tonight…” “Well. I would be nothing, if not for surprises…” You wrapped yourself around him, unable to resist your smile. “Nothing?!” He raised an eyebrow as you took his arm; “…Now who put that idea in your head, my darling?” As he walked you through the crowd you could already see the women staring at your dress; low cut, nearly backless, strapless, bright red... not completely figure hugging - especially from the waist down due to the flowing nature of the skirt but still... you realised it was enough of a stir. And almost smirked at the way some of the older generation gasped and whispered behind their hands to each other. Either Emmett didn’t notice or pretended he didn’t. To him you looked gorgeous. And the dress had you and your personality written all over it. He clearly wouldn’t have that any other way. Still, he was very proper and versed in etiquette and you felt the need to point out the behaviour of his social class; “They are all talking...” “About you?” You noticed the subtle way he pulled you closer to him “Yes.” “Does it bother you..? I believe you like the phrase let them talk...” “I do. It’s you I’m worried about.” “Oh believe me, the women aren’t the only ones talking, it plays to my advantage also...” oh, you supposed women also wouldn’t like men’s eyes - specifically their own men’s eyes - all over you either. But that gave Emmett a little something of his own to smile about, apparently. You looked across to him “maybe I should have worn something more fitting of your status, Captain?” He shook his head, looking back to you with a gentle smile; “Don’t you dare. I would not have you any other way. Perish the thought I would...” * He'd purposefully placed you on the edge of the dancefloor for a reason. You knew that, and it was made more obvious by the way he watched those couples already embracing each other to the romantic music that filled the night air. You waited for him to voice the question that’d he probably thought he wouldn’t even get to ask of anyone this evening. And eventually he looked to you and took a nervous deep breath; “Do I get the pleasure of dancing with you?” You tipped your head, wondering if he would think you’d reject him – and decided you wouldn’t even tease him with the prospect; “What do you think I came here for?” He chuckled, touching the palm of his hand to yours; “You never want to dance with me...” You gave a delicate shrug, and looked away from him, blushing “...I’m wearing this dress... aren’t I...?” Keeping one hand in yours he freed his other gently from under your arm and caressed your face, tilting your chin with his fingertips so that you looked at him; “Is that the only reason you wore a dress like that...?” There was a smile there, like he knew but would say nothing more on it. You bashfully tucked your hair behind your ear; “No... but I figured if they were going to talk I would give them something to talk about...” “Why would they talk? Darling?” He meant besides the obvious – considering they had been talking all night. Your eyebrow raised “Because you are who you are... and I know the kind of people who frequent events like this.” “Mmm... as do I, and we shall pay them no mind...” his eyes flicked to the dancefloor and then back to you “My lady, I would be so honoured if you could join me for this dance?” You giggled “...I would love to...” He pulled you with him, gently, allowing you to position yourself as you thought wise; and he worked around you. “Would you like to lead?” “Oh-! No; I am in your hands Captain!” Now you had turned the smile on his face into one of simple embarrassment and admiration; “...If she does so insist...” You gave a wink “Oh believe me, she does...” Now playing the leader on the dancefloor there wasn’t much difference to captaining his troupe. Only they were a group of men, and you were a one-woman army from just out of county. No less fierce, but matched with a sweetness and purity that let you hold your own with the people here AND those in your home town. Sophistication and street smarts - he liked that. You and Sarah had that in common which is also why he liked her so much. And you liked him leading you, that confidence in his hands and his embrace - because he knew exactly what he was doing - but that gentleness you expected from your captain. And he swept you across that dancefloor like you were the only two on it (...well, you were the only two people were talking about). It was good to be back in his arms; with him far enough away the majority of the time now the only time you could hold him this close (and got to be held this close) was in memories and dreams. And that was good, it was fine, but sometimes all you wanted was to revel in the sensation of human touch. His lead was gentle, and gave the illusion that maybe he wasn’t leading at all; he was asking you where you wanted to go, rather than pulling you there. Emmett was always so sweet and gentle; sometimes you wondered how he ended up where he was. The army wasn’t known for that after all, but, you supposed that didn’t stop them all from being gentleman... in fact, from the insight you had into the world, you had yet to meet a man who wasn’t. You let him have two or three dances before you decided you would be allowed to lead him off the floor. “What?” “I can only take so much staring before even I need a break!” You laughed “I promise, Captain, that’s not the end...” “I would hope not, the way you look tonight, it is an honour to hold you...” You shook your head gently, taking his other hand in yours - as he’d not let your hand go yet; “Baby, the honour is all mine...” There was another sensational buzz through the crowd - not unlike the one you were apparently causing, and you both turned to see what the commotion was about. And probably broke into a smile at the same time. Sarah and Drover. You turned to him, with a slight smirk; “Did you know they were coming?” He chuckled and nudged you; “I didn’t expect you to come from a few towns away... why would I think they were coming from Faraway Downs?” “I would think they would radio!!” “Ah! You got me there!” Emmett raised his hand to greet them, and upon spotting you both they approached you. Ah, the four of you were clearly content to create quite the Stir then. As soon as you’d all embraced in greeting, you were quick to point out this fact; “Ah-! I’m sure they’re lovin’ the dress!!” Drover winked “Coulda done without being dragged here, but we can be the two misfits, right?” You nearly snorted; “Speak for yourself!!!” Drover looked from Sarah to Emmett and back; “What, with these two?” “I s’pose you’re right!” You accented yourself a little more to better make his point. “Hush! Both of you...” Sarah clearly wouldn’t hear a word of it. Which made you feel slightly guilty by the look on Emmett’s face - your dress not your stature. So, you’d maybe worn it to get people to talk. You gave him an apologetic look, which only made him shake his head and pull you closer. Drover noticed this movement, and decided it was best to get the conversation back on a different track; “Anyone for drinks?! Let’s make this a party!” You thought that was a good call, it would help you unwind a little... Emmett offered to come with him but Drover waved away his help. “I got this, and I’m not about to drag the Captain away from his lady..” he gave you a wink, “besiddddes, I know you two get to see each other way less than we do... enjoy it!” He clapped Emmett on the back and off he went. ** “So how are you doing, out in the middle of nowhere?!” You took your drink from Drover gratefully and laughed; “That best be sarcasm! Me in the middle of nowhere?!” “Oh come on, no one knows anything about where you live-! Isn’t it like a two-street town?! Everyone’s at least heard of Faraway Downs!” Emmett came in to defend you; “Only since it was put back on the map!” “You gonna take credit for signing the contract? You ought to be promoting your girls’ town and all Emmett!” Your Captain laughed; “No, fairs fair... Sarah and yourself and everyone else involved drove those cattle to Darwin on your own terms. And I don’t need to promote it - the army is well aware of it considering how many women live there that are waiting on men like myself.” “So it’s an army town?” Drover squinted at you “It’s pretty quiet with the majority stationed up here, yeah.” “I see - you train down there?” “Mmm.” Emmett gave a nod; “Personally I didn’t start there but I did end up there.” “And no doubt found reason to stay!” Sarah gave you a smile “Ay to that!” Drover too tipped his beer, making you blush. To which Sarah laughed and put an arm around you. Sarah was sweet, you liked her a lot. Emmett had alleged more than once that the two of you could be sisters. Which made sense, she had that sweet but feisty nature that often came out in you. But, he had a point on the sister thing too; any time you wanted advice or needed someone to talk to whilst you were here, or indeed when you weren’t but had access to a radio with enough signal - you called her. You liked that she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, you could have trouble with that on occasion - especially if you didn’t know people, so you were in awe of her spirit. And you learned a lot from her. “Now stop, leave the poor girl alone!” Drover gaped at her “You started it!!!” *** “You know what, I’m sick of all this talking with people staring! Why don’t we give them something to stare at?!” Drover put his empty bottle down. “I second that..!” Well if there was one thing you knew by the way Emmett took your hand in agreement, it was that he still wanted to show you off in the dance floor. Sarah shook her head at her other half, turning from her conversation with you – you liked knowing how they were getting on, although the adoption wasn’t official it was like they were all little family of their own. They surely seemed to get up to so many adventures together too, you liked hearing them – you liked thinking that maybe one day you’d want something similar for yourself. She pushed Drover gently; “Do you even remember how to dance?” He shrugged with a grumble that had you all laughing again; “I’m sure it won’t take too long to get back into it…” Now the four of you were on the dancefloor and the music had softened you wrapped your arms around Emmett’s shoulders and let him sway you, with the perfect gentleness to the turns. Still graceful, but much slower and he could really appreciate how beautiful you were - and you appreciate how handsome he looked in dress uniform, when you could stand in one place. “...I’ve been thinking...” It was as much out of the blue as it was quiet... And you tilted your head, to match the inquisitiveness in your eyes beholding his. “About what...?” “Sarah and Drover... adopting Nullah...” Your smile was playful, “What of it?” “Well... maybe we could get married...” You laughed, half in disbelief “That better not have been your proposal, Captain...” He shook his head “...No... but what if we didn’t adopt... what if we did... But what if we had children of our own? One day?” There was a few seconds pause as you tried to understand what he was really saying in the middle of a dancefloor in Darwin; he’s talking crazy, he’s too caught up in this moments and loving me and he’s talking crazy, but the more you looked into his eyes the more you realise how serious he was. “Is that what you want?” “Do you not...?” There wasn’t any disappointment there, even if you thought he’d be disappointed if the answer was no. He’s not talking crazy, he’s talking about a future he sees... a future he sees with me, no less... “Maybe I’ve just never thought about it...” you looked away from him for a moment, he needed more than that – he deserved more than that. Your eyes caught in his, waiting patiently for you; “I like it as a future with you... I see it... just not...” “Now...?” He shook his head, and pulled you closer to him “No...” his arms wound respectfully around your waist and he watched Sarah and Drover dance together over your shoulder “...But... maybe not in the too distant future either...” You pulled his eyes back to you, like something had come over you just thinking on this. About what you were doing here. What he was saying… “Kiss me...” “What?” “Right here, on the dance floor, kiss me...” He was hesitant, and his eyes flicked around at the other couples. Here you went again; Emmett was fighting with his nature. That the proper way to do this was without public displays of affection, but you felt that you’d already broken nearly every other etiquette rule in this societies very long and boring book. So you wanted this one. “Why would you want that...?” He made you giggle at what appeared to be genuine confusion “...Look at you, why wouldn’t I?” Now that was an awkward blush, and also incredibly cute. “Oh, you really want to give them something to talk about.” You gave a shrug “Emmett, they’re already talking...” He thought you had a good point, so he slowed you down, still in time to the music - to a gentle swaying turn. And then he leant in. ** The first drop of rain made you pull slightly away from him. Like you weren’t sure exactly what had fallen, but before long it was joined by another, then another, then another and soon people were scrambling from the dancefloor (and in fact any part of the outside party) and up into the house. Because 5 drops became a downpour in seconds. You and Emmett parted, but only to watch them all run, because the grip you had on each other’s hands was firm. What is a bit of rain? Except the musicians had also scattered and there would no longer be music. He laughed, watching them and turned back to you; “What do you suppose the big rush is?” By now your hair was soaked and your dress was going the same way but you didn’t care. Turning to answer him your voice, and then your laugh was drowned out by a clap of thunder overhead, you didn’t flinch - though thunder always made you uneasy, so you tried again; “Shall we dance? Captain?” He too laughed - looking relieved “I thought you’d never ask!!” With you both soaked and it hardly mattering now, Emmett could pull you closer than he had all evening. And with you wrapping him in your arms and laying your head on his chest that contented hum reverberated through you and into him. That only made him smile more as he wrapped himself in such a way to shield as much as you from the rain as possible. You couldn’t help but try to then hide your giggles as you stared up towards the house; everyone that could stand in the door or at a window staring at you both like you were insane; “Darling, we have an audience...” He just gave a gentle shrug and kissed your head; “Well, they don’t know what they are missing...” Eventually you realised this was both dangerous and getting a little out of hand. The rain was turning from warm to cold fairly rapidly and you weren’t sure there was a part of you that was dry at this point. That didn’t stop him from shrugging himself out of his jacket and holding it over you when you decided to head from the party. “Will that help?” “At least it makes me feel like I am...” “Chivalry will get you everywhere Captain...” He chuckled “That’s just the man I am...” “I know...” you leant up to kiss his cheek; “and I must always thank you for it!” *** When you eventually stepped inside of the room he was renting, you felt like your dress was holding at least a clouds worth of rain. And still the sky didn’t let up. You stood at the open double doors for a minute and your breath caught as you watched the spectacular lighting strikes fill the sky. Emmett wandered over and wrapped his arms back around you. You noticed every heating appliance had been turned on. “I could walk you home... or you could stay...” You ran you hand behind you, to caress his cheek “...I don’t want you getting wet again...” He kissed your palm gently; “Then stay... at least I know I can keep you warm, and dry and safe... that sky looks angry...” You nodded, you weren’t that big on thunder, but you had to at least admit out loud; “It’s breathtaking...” He smiled; nuzzling you - “...True... forces of nature always are beautiful...” You turned to him, in agreement, but your words got lost as the next flash of lightning illuminated his face and reflected stunningly in his blue eyes. At how alive they looked. So instead you pulled him into you, with a kiss. A kiss that was sweet, but an attempt to lead into so much more. “Alright...” He whispered against your lips, “...Alright...” with one arm still around you he kissed you once more, pulling one of the doors to and latching it in place as your hands ran from his neck to his tie; unravelling the neat sturdy knot that only an army officer could perfect (and only the partner of one could expertly undo!). You moved on to his shirt buttons, more tentative than you felt. This would be slow; he always loved you slow and delicate. Rushing this would get you nowhere. You pulled his shirt as you worked your way down it, so that it untucked itself with little effort, your lips still on his. Emmett kept one hand where it was, respectfully, but his other trickled up your exposed spine. His touch was enough to send delightful trembles over your skin. Now you were done with his shirt buttons you could press kisses into his own; across his collarbone as you slid his shirt down his arms. His kisses were gentle, like his sigh, as he touched them to your forehead, and the shell of your ear. Emmett liked that, the way you whispered promises into his skin for only you to ever know… He succeeded in making you giggle into his skin and you nudged him playfully, gathering your hands to the middle of his chest you held his gaze for a moment. “I love you…” The lightning flashed outside again, and he smiled; like you knew only he could – and only at you – Emmett placed his hands on yours, and kept you there over his heart for just a moment longer; “I love you too…” He let you claim his lips again and allowed you to slide your hands from his, down his body. You revelled in the warmth of him under your fingertips, how you could feel all those muscle groups he spent his most formative years work on, and still did needs must… Until you hit his belt buckle and stilled, half in hesitation. As if in answer to the question you weren’t even asking, his hands moved to fastenings on your dress. Still slow, at a rate that only he’d be happy with. You reciprocated that, and the notches in his belt passed through your fingers at exactly the same pace. Until he realised he had no more to undo, and you still weren’t finished with his. But Emmett was nothing if not patient; and his hands slid gently to your bare back again – letting your dress fall in a neat red puddle at your feet. You broke the kiss to let his pants join the other items of clothing. You bit your lips together to try and stop the blush rising across his cheeks happening to yours. Possibly to no avail. He pulled you from your dress and into him, arms around you he tipped your body to kiss you again. You wound your arms around him, feeling safe in his embrace as you ran your fingers into his hair. You would say to mess it up, with how neat he usually kept it, but the rain had already done most of your work for you. The crash of thunder, louder this time, was enough to make you both break from the kiss and turn back to the window. You pressed yourself a little further into him. Yes, you were safe here… “This might continue for a while…” His voice was soft, and he turned to the flickering lights “…Hmm…” Emmett rested his head gently on yours; wrapping you further in his arms. “…It’s a nice atmosphere…” That almost made you raise an eyebrow, were you not feeling the same thing – watching it roll across the horizon; bright white-blue flashes against the midnight black sky. “Well…” Your voice was quiet, but edged teasing “If it’s going to last a while… we may as well make the most of it…” His eyes flicked back towards the bed and to the lightning, then he laced his hands with yours to pull you back; “No doubt, I can keep you safe here…” --- @wrenx02 😘😘😘😘 He took me a little while, but Emmett is now yours! @dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad.

#Oh no not this again...!#Captain Emmett Dutton #Emmett Dutton #Captain Dutton x Reader #Captain Dutton #Emmett Dutton x Reader #Ben Mendelsohn #AUSTRALIA!#76 #When She Says Baby... The... Prequel?#Though reader doesn't say Baby so much in this one #Ah! Taylor Swift gave me two perfect songs for this one #But Starlight is such a special song to me...#I like Fearless but this ONE for the plot #I just... wow...#Linzi Writes #Amalie

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elles-archives · 2 years

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Lover

(Images from Pinterest)

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Light smut, cuteness, slight angst (if you squint really hard). Please don't interact if you are a minor

Based on Lover by Taylor Swift

Word Count: 1k

Social Media AU. (Not really a pt2 but can be read after this)

Summary: You and Chris were always meant to be together. Everyone always knew. And they were right.

Song Lyrics in Pink

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January And this is our place, we make the rules

Two weeks after Christmas and all the decorations were still up. You and Chris had only moved in three months before, after dating for just over a year. You had known each other for years and neither the two of you nor your families could understand why it took so long to admit your feelings for each other but eventually you got there.

The both of you were excited for the freedom you now had. Despite the pair of you living independently, the idea of sharing your home together brought a new sense of happiness and outlook on life.

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

There was always a spark between the pair of you. Your Moms used to joke about you getting together when you were in middle school. It wasn’t until you were both in separate colleges that you realized that you really couldn’t live without each other. However, it took you years to actually do something about it.

A look here and small touches there for years when eventually after getting drunk, Chris kissed you for the first time. After that you were inseparable and when you gazed into his eyes you couldn’t believe that you had known him for over twenty years as friends but what felt like twenty seconds as lovers.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my Lover

You followed Chris around the country as he pursed his career further and now that he was mainly based in Massachusetts, you both decided that it was the perfect time to settle down. Together. Moving in was the first step and now you not only got to wake up next to the man you love but you also get to go home to him too.

The nights you had spent passionately together lingered in the bedroom. Memories of Chris on top of you and you on top of Chris. The whispered ‘I love you’ s and open-mouthed kisses as you both made love, stuck in your mind, bringing a smile to your face. Knowing that you and Chris are meant to last forever.

We could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we make the call And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

You had a housewarming party about a month after you moved in. When you woke up you found Scott passed out on your couch. That was one of the first times you felt at home in the house. Seeing one of your oldest friends asleep on your couch whilst the man you loved, who also happens to be the sleeping man’s brother, had his arms wrapped around your waist as you drank your morning coffee. Yeah, you were home.

Things were going great for you and Chris. You trusted one another and never gave the other a reason not to. However, dating the former Captain America, you knew that people across the globe wanted him. Comments online about you were made, no matter how hard you and Chris tried to keep your relationship private. People would come up to you both in the street and openly flirt with Chris as if you weren’t there at all. Most of the time it didn’t bother you, but every so often you would believe what was being said about you.

Chris noticed every change in your behavior and made sure you knew how much he loved you. How much every quality you saw as a flaw, he saw as perfection. Your always made sure to do the same. Whenever his anxiety was bad, you did everything in your power to make him feel safe and loved. The dynamic you two shared was impeccable and unbreakable.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

You and Chris talked about marriage. From a young age you both knew you wanted families, just not with each other at the time. Neither of you wanted to rush into anything but both agreed that when the time was right you would know. That one day soon you would start the family of your dreams. Have children who were a perfect mix of Chris and yourself.

Little did you know, Chris already knew it was the right time and had bought a ring. He just had to build up to the final stage of placing the ring on our finger. He kept picturing you in your pristine white gown as you walked down the aisle, ready to start the rest of your life with him. Not only did he have a ring, but he had also started preparing vows. He had a gut feeling you would say yes, and he would be right.

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue All's well that ends well to end up with you Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

You could look into Chris’ eyes and remember every event he had taken you to throughout your friendship. You remembered how he would tell dirty jokes in your ear when he was nervous or drunk. How every time you sat at a table you always sat next to each other. It was an unspoken promise that you would save the seat for one another. You would remember how the way you act was always reserved for one another. How if anyone tried to get in on a joke you would (unintentionally) push them out. How there was no one more perfect for each other.

Oh, you're my, my, my, my Darling, you're my, my, my, my Lover

Taglist:

· @mtb-chaoticmess

#chris evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans one shot #chris evans fluff #chris evans imagine #chris evans smut #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x you #chris evans fanfiction

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yeon-luv · 2 years

Text

the 1.

pairing. idol!yeonjun x idol!reader (gn) word count. 700+ genre. a little fluff, a little angst maybe warnings. none ??? kinda sad tbh. english is not my first language. bestfriend troupe :)

author’s note. yes, this is heavily influenced by taylor swift’s song, the 1, so i really recommend you to listen to it while reading!

it’s been a year since you’ve been chosen as music bank’s mc. you were so glad to hear the news because aside from being an idol, you wanted to try out hosting. yet the joy you’ve felt knowing yeonjun was your partner was nothing compared to that.

you and yeonjun were the perfect definition of partners-in-crime. there was not a single day that went by where you didn’t know about each other’s day. during your trainee days until your own groups debuted, your bond never changed.

“today’s the day.” yeonjun greeted in a monotonous tone as he entered your dressing room

you glanced at him through the mirror as your make up artist was putting some finishing touches, “so, how you feeling?” you asked.

yeonjun slammed his whole self on the sofa making sounds you couldn’t understand.

“jjunie!”, you threw your brush at him, “your make up! you’re making our make up artist suffer.”

“ah don’t worry we still have some time for retouch, right?” said as he got back up and gave the make up artist a sweet big smile.

they giggled, “that’s it. I’ll be back 10 minutes before the show starts.”

you and yeonjun gave thanks as they left you two alone.

silence immediately filled the air.

both of you didn’t know what to say. it was the day neither of you didn’t expect to come this fast.

“so, again, how are you feeling?”, you turned yourself to face him.

yeonjun gazed on you, “what else would I feel? it’s our last day together as mcs.”

you gave him a reassuring look, “you know we’ll still stay in touch after this right?”

“are you sure? our groups are growing so fast right now.”

“we’ll find a way. we always do.”

because of those words, yeonjun felt nothing but happiness. he got up and gave you a hug.

“god y/n. I’m really glad to have you.”

you gave him a hard pat on the back, “I know”, turned away with a smirk on your face as yeonjun’s turned into a crying baby.

“it was such an amazing journey.” yeonjun sighed with pleasure as he walks behind your chair to look at the mirror and fixes his hair.

“we were really something huh.”

“hmm?”

“we were something, don’t you think so?”

you looked down from mirror, avoiding any eye contact.

this mc journey with yeonjun made both of you grow into a better artist, however, it also made the feelings you had for him blossom too.

“y/n, we’ve talked about this.” yeonjun places his hands on your shoulder, looking at your face at the mirror.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just—”

he turns you to his direction and lifts your face, “don’t be sorry, love.”

you nodded and gave him a smile.

“if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you too.”

“okay yeonjun,” you removed his hand from your chin as you didn’t want to have another conversation like this again, “enough.”

“we are best friends. we’ve always been. from practicing to become idols to being one now. everyone, I mean, every one knows that. and if we decided to date—“

you cut him off to avoid hearing that one phrase coming from his mouth for you know it will just cause pain, “everything will be different. I got it.”

“I love you, y/n. believe me.” yeonjun responded as he reached out and held your hand.

you sighed and moved your face a little closer to his where your foreheads met.

“I love you too.”

yeonjun gave you a kiss on your forehead as he brought you closer to him.

the hugs you were giving each other at the very moment were enough to express how you long for one another. yet knew time wasn’t on your side.

as the clock counts down, you feel like a part of your life is ending today too. there’s a small part in you that you regret accepting this offer, yet the rest are more than grateful.

but you can’t help to wonder.. if we pushed it, would everything be totally different today?

“with the world watching.. it’s music bank live!”

“it’s y/n!”

“yj!”

in unison, “together we’re partners, y/n and yeonjun!”

nonetheless, like what yeonjun said, it was an amazing journey for me, for him, for us.

author’s note. and that’s it, my writing debut! my very first blog omo I really didn’t expect that I’ll get back into tumblr after how many years but here I am now treating it as one of my comfort apps (><) I am very open to any suggestions or improvements I can make through my asks pls let me know ur thoughts hehe I’m really glad I got back into writing. I missed this feeling~ anyway, I hope you like it and don’t forget to reblog. ☻

#tomorrow x together #txt #choi yeonjun #yeonjun #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun x y/n #yeonjun imagines #txt x reader #kpop x reader #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop oneshots #txt oneshots #choi yeonjun x reader #txt fluff #txt angst #txt bestfriends

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luvdsc · 3 years

Text

august.

Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him.

pairing :: liu yangyang x reader genre :: fluff, angst ⋮ best friend + college au word count :: 10,500 words warnings :: none. playlist :: time lapse (taeyeon) ⋆ 2 kids (taemin) ⋆ daydreams (exes) ⋆ sharing you (lany) ⋆ august (taylor swift) ⋆ too close to love (will hyde) ⋆ sad stripped (lany) ⋆ strangers (taemin) ⋆ the 1 (taylor swift) author’s note :: can you believe that i literally wrote this entire 10k fic in one day aka today ??? whew this gave me the same rush that i got when i wrote my research paper in the class it was due for the day of, printed it out during break, and handed it in at the end of class :’) ↳ part of the almost collaboration series.

Liu Yangyang is jumping fences to escape late night parties, shared laughter over childhood favorite cartoons on February mornings, midnight dancing in the refrigerator light, and November kisses stolen in between the shelves of the nearby 7-Eleven. He is obscure doodles in the margins of your physics notes, good intentions laced in December’s mistakes, strawberry lemonade and broken truths wrapped in summer bliss, and September endings with honest lies.

He is your August, he is your everything, but he isn’t yours.

AUGUST 2018.

August has barely begun to fade away.

You’re eighteen years old, and you’re drunk off of your first taste of freedom, one toe already dipping into the shiny pleasures of adulthood. Your new roommate, Karina, has excitedly told you about the famous beach night themed frat party that kick starts every school year at your university. Everybody who’s anybody would be there, and your heart already races at the thought of going to your very first college party.

“Coral or blue?” Karina holds up a solid colored neon blue bikini and a striped, bright pink one for you to choose between.

“Blue.” You nod towards the first option, and she discards the other one back into the open drawer. You pull out a marigold yellow one and a black one lined with white strings, wordlessly gesturing towards them, and she immediately points to the latter.

“That one is gonna look so cute on you. Well, both would, but I love that one.”

You grin at her, silently thanking whoever decided to pair the two of you together for the random dorming. “Perfect, thanks. Do you know any of the guys hosting the party?”

“Yeah, Dejun? He’s really sweet and a year above us. I met him in the music elective I’m taking.” She turns to take off her shirt and tosses it to the side, pulling on her bikini and wriggling into a pair of ripped jean shorts. “You?”

“Kind of? Jaemin is in my project group in Intro to Engineering. He’s rushing for that frat.” You quickly change out of your outfit and into your chosen swim top and daisy dukes. You make sure to grab a pair of black flip flops from your closet. The bundle of nerves in your stomach grows as you step out of your dorm with your new friend, a bit anxious but also excited to attend your very first party.

Thank goodness for summer weather. It’s still a nice, warm 75 degrees Fahrenheit according to your weather app when you and Karina finally make your way to the frat house. The sun barely begins to set, but the party slash dayger had started earlier and is in full swing. There’s a DJ set up out front, blasting some sort of EDM music, and the lawn is absolutely covered in foam. You see the source of it shakily set up on the roof of the patio along with a couple of boys sitting up there, Hawaiian shirts barely covering their figures. You catch the eye of Jaemin, who happily waves at you from his vantage point, and you wave back at him.

“Oh my god, I love college,” Karina says, grabbing your arm excitedly as the two of you step into the foam. You reach down to pick up some of it before flicking it towards your roommate, who squeals before scooping some up and throwing it in your direction as well.

“Ready for our first shitty college drink?” You pull her through the mass of other students and towards the horribly decorated tiki bar stationed in the corner of the patio.

“Hell yeah, let’s do it.”

The two of you stumble over, still throwing handfuls of foam at each other amidst giggles before making a full stop in front of the bar. The older boy behind the makeshift counter lazily grins at you both, a shell necklace hanging loosely around his neck, and his unbuttoned orange Hawaiian shirt gives you a nice flash of his toned abs.

“Hey, I’m Johnny. What can I get for you two?”

“Two vodka shots, please.”

“Alright, ID?”

You freeze, and Karina’s grip on your arm tightens, and then Johnny laughs, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Relax, I’m just messing with you, freshie. Two vodka shots coming right up.”

He pulls out two small plastic cups and pours out the drinks for you. “How many do you want?”

“This is good for now, thanks.” You and Karina pick up the drinks, smiling a little nervously at him. He flashes another amused smile at you. “Alright, come back anytime if you want another.”

You move away from the patio, and Karina follows close behind. The two of you throw back the drinks and dispose of the empty cups quickly. The burning sensation in your throat disappears after a few seconds, and you turn to your roommate. “Should we find our friends?”

“I think I see Dejun back there! Let’s go say hi, I can introduce you to him.” Karina drags you through the rising foam, the bubbles clinging to your skin, and when you go past the DJ stand, you feel the pounding bass reverberating in your chest harder than ever. You trek past the gate and into the backyard where the foam has risen to your waist, thanks to the enclosed fences. She taps on the shoulder of a boy with the prettiest almond eyes you have ever seen, and you shyly smile at him when he greets you.

“Hey, I’m Dejun.”

Oh my god, even his voice sounds pretty. Older college boys are definitely better and hotter than high school boys. Heck, they’re better than freshman boys. Nobody wants to date a freshman dude, not even the freshman girls.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You extend your hand, but then realize how stupid that must be. You hastily start to retract your hand, but he laughs and warmly grasps your hand. Smiling at you, he shakes it firmly, squeezing your hand gently before letting go.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

The butterflies in your stomach grow in volume as the conversation goes on, and you’re positively enamored by the end of the night. Karina had given you a look earlier before walking off with Dejun’s friend and joining the dancing crowd. With the addition of his phone number in your pocket and a promise to show you a new song he’s working on with his guitar next Friday, you’re walking on cloud nine.

“Do you want something to drink? I need a refill, and I can go grab you one,” he asks, and you’re about to offer to go with him, but then you remember the teasing upperclassman and simply agree, asking for another shot of vodka.

After he disappears, you look around, eyeing the crowd and wondering if you can spot your roommate anywhere. You bump into someone lightly and turn around to apologize. Your eyes meet a pair of curiously bright ones.

“Sorry about that, I’m looking for my roomie.”

The boy gives you a Cheshire Cat grin. He’s wearing one of those dumb Hawaiian shirts, too, and it’s unbuttoned, but he has a white T-shirt layered underneath it. “No biggie, it’s a massive party and it’s crowded. Who are you looking for?”

“Ah, I don’t know if you know her, but Karina? She went off with this dude, Kunhang, I think?”

His eyes light up at that name. “Oh, I know him! I saw him earlier by the keg stands inside. Your friend might be there, too. I can—”

“THE COPS ARE COMING!” A loud voice bellows, and you freeze up. Suddenly, the music is shut off as everyone starts running away. You start to panic, the terror rising in your chest, and the boy in front of you grabs your hand and pulls you with him. “What are you doing?! Don’t just stand there! We gotta go!”

“Wait, but Kar—” You start to object, but cut yourself off when you bump into his back as he abruptly stops. He scans the backyard, quickly assessing the situation before turning to you.

“There’s way too many people trapped in here, we’re not gonna make it to the gate. We need to climb over the fence. I’ll hoist you up, and you can help me up from there.”

“I don’t even know you,” you protest, and he throws you a look.

“Hi, I’m Yangyang, nice to meet you, I don’t want to get my ass hauled out by the police and continue the icebreakers in jail, so let’s move now. We good?”

“Yeah, okay, we’re good,” you say faintly, mind still whirling around as you try to grasp the situation. “I’m Y/N.”

“Great, now up you go.”

He immediately picks you up without any warning, and you almost fall backwards, arms flailing before you grasp the top of the fence and pull yourself up. Balancing precariously on top of it, you grab his arm, tugging him up until he’s sitting right next to you, too. The both of you swing your legs over the fence and jump down to the other side. You let out a sigh of relief, squatting down as you clutch your heart.

“Oh my god, we made it. I didn’t get arrested at my first party.”

“What an amazing accomplishment.” Yangyang brushes off the back of his shorts. “We aren’t going to jail. Freshman year is gonna be a breeze if your bar is set this low.”

“Hey!” You frown at him, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest. “How do you know I’m a freshman?”

“It’s written all over your face.” You give him a look, and he relents. “Only a freshman would be this scared of getting caught.”

“So are you an upperclassman?”

“Nah, this is my first party, too. I’m rushing for Nu Chi. Hold on, wait here.” He sneaks around the edge of the fence, peering around for a few seconds before jogging back towards you. “Okay, the police are over there. I’m gonna have to wait a while before going back in.”

“You have to go back?”

“Part of tonight’s rush process,” he sighs before turning to you. “Do you live on campus?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna walk back now,” you answer, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. “It’s late, and I’m not in a partying mood anymore.”

“I can walk you back,” he offers, and you shoot him a grateful smile.

“That’d be great, thanks.”

The two of you start the trek back, an awkward lull in the conversation making itself known. You wrap your arms around yourself, shivering slightly when a soft breeze picks up. There’s a light rustling noise, and you pay no mind to it until a soft cloth is draped over your shoulders. Eyes widening, you notice the colorful, palm tree-printed button down shirt wrapped around you and the boy next to you, looking straight ahead with his hands shoved into his pockets. Smiling to yourself, you slip on the shirt, loosely buttoning the front of it.

“So, Yangyang,” you casually begin, testing his name on your tongue for the first time. You decide you like it. It’s cute. He turns to you, raising an eyebrow, and you continue, “Since our lives are no longer in jeopardy, we can continue the icebreakers, right?”

His lips curve into a smile. “Alright, shoot. What’s your first question?”

“Captain America or Iron Man?”

“Oh, Iron Man, hands down. He’s so…”

You meet him in August.

FEBRUARY 2019.

“Hey, where’s your cereal? The Reese’s one?”

February marks six months of your relationship with Dejun. It also marks six months of your friendship with Yangyang. It is time for your weekly Sunday rituals of watching old cartoons and eating breakfast, and you could’ve sworn that box was still half full last week. You rummage through the top drawer Yangyang had designated for snacks and other foods in his dorm as he takes out the milk from his mini fridge and carries it over to his desk.

“I ran out a few days ago. There’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch somewhere in there though.”

With a victorious cry, you manage to pull out the slightly crushed box of the aforementioned cereal from underneath the packages of flamin’ hot Cheetos and spicy nacho Doritos and triumphantly bring it over to your best friend. He already pulls out two bowls (which were stolen from the dining hall) and hands over the plastic spoons in his grasp (which was also taken from the dining hall).

“Thanks.” After dropping a spoon into each bowl, you shake out the sugary cereal squares before pouring the milk because you’re not an absolute heathen who puts milk in first, like Sicheng. Yangyang clambers up to his top bunk bed, and you carefully pass over the two bowls of cereal, milk sloshing precariously near the edges. You climb up afterwards, and he gives you your bowl once you settle down.

“So, Scooby Doo or Pokémon?”

“Mm, we watched Pokémon last Sunday already, so let’s do Scooby Doo this time.” He nods in agreement, pulling up the cartoon from the queue in Netflix, and the two of you lean back against the ginormous mound of pillows and stuffed animals of his that occupy nearly half of his bed.

You’re shoveling a spoonful of cereal into your mouth when he casually asks, “So how’re you and Dejun doing?”

Choking slightly, you quickly swallow. “We’re doing good. I think he booked a table at the Italian restaurant down the street for Valentine’s Day. Are you doing anything for Valentine’s?”

“I’m forcing Renjun to come watch that “‘Happy Death Day’ movie with me.” The faint sounds of the Scooby Doo theme song plays in the background as you hum in acknowledgement, mouth twisting into a mischievous smirk.

“That’s so sweet. So who confessed to who? Not gonna lie, I thought you had a crush on Hyuck, not Jun.”

“... I would shove you right now, but I just did my laundry, and rewashing my comforter is expensive and I’m out of quarters.”

You stick your tongue out at him, and he rolls his eyes before lifting his bowl up to sip the best part of having Cinnamon Toast Crunch: the milk infused with all the cinnamony, sugary goodness. You let your spoon fall back into your bowl with a soft clink, a sudden worrying thought popping into your head.

“I bought him some customized guitar picks and a pretty composition book. Do you think he’ll like it?”

“That’s a pretty basic gift, isn’t it? It feels like something Kun would get him,” he teases, but his heart falls when he notices you chewing on your bottom lip, spoon held limply in your hand.

“Hey, I’m just joking, of course he would like it. He’s completely whipped. He’ll love anything from you.” Yangyang’s voice grows softer, and he fiddles with a stray thread on his comforter, avoiding eye contact with you. “I know I would.”

He looks up slightly and sees you smiling gratefully at him, eyes shining bright. He quickly ducks his head, turning away slightly to hide the hues of pink blooming on his cheeks. He feels you leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh, and his breath hitches in his throat.

“Thanks, Yang.”

Replaying the sight of your smile in his mind makes his stomach flip flop, and he resists the overwhelming urge to tell you you’re pretty, pushing it back into the farthest crevice of his mind. Your head on his shoulder makes him feel like he’s carrying the entire world, and he doesn’t know what to do. He paints on a tight smile of his own, silently hoping you can’t hear the way his heart nearly pounds out of his chest.

Yangyang knows that having feelings for his best friend, specifically one of his good friends’ girlfriends, is something he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t help it. His stupid heart refuses to listen to his brain. For now, all he can do is desperately hope that this dumb crush of his goes away soon because while 99% of his friends are oblivious (including you), Ten and Donghyuck are not. They’ll be able to spot his feelings from a mile away, like how Kun always knows when there’s a good sale going on at the Asian supermarket downtown (This week, it was the 50% off bean sprouts and chili paste).

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Yangyang carefully rests his head on top of yours. Clutching the empty bowl with one hand, he shoves his other one under his thigh to stop himself from reaching over and tangling his fingers with yours. He stares at the screen, watching until the bright colors blur together.

“Anytime.”

He likes you in February.

AUGUST 2019.

The earth spins around the sun for another time, and August makes its presence known once again. It’s Thursday night, and you’re sitting on the countertop in Nu Chi Theta’s kitchen, swinging your legs back and forth as Yangyang struggles to make some scrambled eggs because the half filled carton of eggs the two of you managed to find is the only thing that isn’t expired (besides Jeno’s protein shakes, but neither of you are gonna touch that cardboard tasting monstrosity).

“Maybe I should make it.” You peer over at the frying pan, wincing when you see the full damage of your future meal. “Did you use oil?”

“Of course I did!” he exclaims indignantly before pitifully pushing around the nearly charred mess of yolk and whites around with his spatula. “I’m not Mark.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” you mutter, waving your hand around to dissipate the acrid burning smell, and Yangyang throws you a dirty look. He grabs a fork and stabs a small chunk of the eggs. Picking it up, he brings it closer to his mouth before hesitating. His eyes dart to you, and you raise your eyebrows at him, a silent challenge in your gaze. The sad piece of egg hovers in the air for a few more seconds before he defeatedly drops it back into the pan.

“Okay, what if we just Uber Eats some McDonald’s?” Turning off the stove, he then tosses the remnants of his cooking into the trash and drops the pan into the sink.

“Stellar plan. Best idea you’ve had all night.” You hop off the counter to stand next to him, propping your chin on his shoulder to see him pull up the app. He immediately puts in your usual order along with his before holding it up for you to see it better.

“Looks good?”

“Looks perfect.”

He clicks the confirmation button, and the delivery is set to come in 30 minutes. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how close you are with your chest pressed against his back and hastily move away, warmth spreading across your cheeks.

Glancing over at your best friend, you don't miss the way Yangyang smiles down at something on his phone before his fingers fly across the screen. When he looks up, you immediately turn away, focusing your eyes on anything but him.

“Hey, you’re going to the Alpha Sig formal, right?” Yangyang calls out, and you throw on a teasing grin.

“You mean Alpha Sigma Psi, also known as the sorority I’m in?”

“Ah, right, yeah.” He flushes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “But you’re going, right?”

You nod, the sudden realization creeping up on you. “Oh yeah, I am, thanks for reminding me. I completely forgot to ask, but do you want t—”

“Ningning just asked me to go with her,” Yangyang blurts out, and you freeze, failing to hide your shock for a split second before you regain your composure.

“Oh wow, that’s great, Yang! I’ll see you there then.” You try to give him a convincing smile. He wrings his hands, biting his bottom lip. Something is on his mind. You can tell. He’s not someone to hold back with his words, but this time, he is.

“I… I don’t know if I’m gonna go,” he says at last. Your heart picks up a little at that. Does that mean he doesn’t want to go to the dance at all? Or does he not want to go with Ningning? If you asked him now, would it make a difference?

“I’ve never slow danced,” he confesses, leaning against the opposite counter, and your heart drops. So that was it. Of course, he wouldn’t reject Ningning. She’s an absolute goddess, heck, you wouldn’t say no if she asked you either. You stamp out that last flicker of hope.

“What if I suck at it?” he continues, absentmindedly carding his fingers through his hair. “Oh god, I bet Yukhei and Kunhang are never gonna let me live it down. I can do choreographed dances, but I’m gonna mess up over a stupid slow dance. But where am I supposed to put my hands?! Like on her shoulders? Her waist? Do I hold her hand?”

Your eyes follow the way his hair ruffles slightly, and you wonder if it’s as soft as it looks. You swallow hard before saying quietly, “I can teach you?”

His hand pauses mid-movement, and your eyes fly down to meet his. His eyes widen, and he contemplates your offer for a split second before nodding excitedly. “Yeah, that’d be great! Can you teach me right now? While we wait for our food to come!”

“S-sure,” you stammer, flustered at the sudden acceptance and his eagerness. “Um, here? In the kitchen?”

“Yeah, why not?” He shrugs before straightening up. “The lights should be dimmed, right? We can kind of mimic that here to set the mood or whatever.”

He goes over and fiddles with the light switch, flicking it on and off, and you laugh, walking over and placing your hand over his. “What are you doing? Some kind of Kevin Nguyen mating call to look for a rave bae?”

“First off, I’m offended that you think I’d be one of them,” Yangyang narrows his eyes at you. “Secondly, I’m trying to make this feel more formal dance-y. Oh, wait!”

He turns off the lights for the last time and reaches over to pull open the refrigerator doors, the artificial fluorescent light pouring out and mixing with the faint beams coming in through the window from the street lamps outside. He grins at you, satisfied. “Romantic, huh?”

You roll your eyes, but the amused smile on your face gives away your true feelings. “Wow, Romeo, you swept me off my feet. The food is gonna go bad, and Kun is gonna kill you for the high electricity bill.”

“What food? Jeno’s protein shakes probably never expire.” He snorts before standing closer to you, his hands resting on either side of you on the counter. You can see the pretty gold flecks in his irises, and your breath gets caught in your throat. “And I guess this means you gotta teach me fast before we waste more electricity, right?”

You place your hands on his chest and lightly push him away, and he laughs, stepping back. You let out a shaky breath, remembering that your lungs need oxygen in order to, you know, continue living.

“Okay,” you clear your throat before pulling out your phone and putting on a slow song. “Ready?”

“You chose Ed Sheeran? Thinking Out Loud? Really?”

You raise your hands up defensively. “Hey, he’s the king of sappy slow songs that all girls want to be played at their weddings for their first dance.”

When your legs don't work like they used to before,

And I can't sweep you off of your feet,

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

“Is this the song you want played at your wedding?” He raises an eyebrow at you, and your face grows warm. You ignore the question, and this time, you’re the one taking a bold step forward, a few centimeters now separating you and your best friend. You see his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps lightly before meeting your eyes.

And darling, I will be loving you 'til we're seventy,

And baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three,

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways.

“So, your hands go here.” You take his hands and place them on either side of your waist. His arms freeze up. “Relax, Yang. Precious cargo here.”

He lets out a chuckle, loosening his grip as he starts to relax. You reach up and slide your arms around his neck, interlocking your fingers. You gaze back at him, saying softly, “Now pull me closer.”

He does so.

Maybe just the touch of a hand,

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day,

And I just wanna tell you I am.

“And now follow my lead. We’re going to take one step. And then another. We’re just slowly turning in a circle.”

After a few spins and steps, you stop leading and let yourself be led. Yangyang continues to hold onto you carefully, and you can hear him muttering a 1, 2, 3, 4 count under his breath until he finally gets the hang of it. He grows a little braver, pulling you even closer.

So honey now,

Take me into your loving arms,

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.

“Are you going with Dejun?” he asks quietly, and you stiffen at the mention at him before shaking your head.

“No, we broke up in July.”

Yangyang falters in his step before recovering. “Oh. You never told me.”

“Yeah.” You struggle to keep your voice level. “I just… he’s your friend, and I didn’t want to make it weird.”

“You’re my best friend though,” he says firmly, looking you directly in the eyes. His grip on your waist tightens. “It’s his loss. That dumbass just lost the best person who’ll ever come into his life.”

You give him a tired half smile, one that doesn’t quite meet your eyes. He hugs you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and securing you against his chest. You rest your head in the crook of his neck and hope that he doesn’t feel how quickly your heart beats in your chest.

Place your head on my beating heart,

I'm thinking out loud,

Maybe we found love right where we are.

“Thanks, Yang,” you whisper, your breath tickling his skin. He envelops you tightly, and the two of you continue to spin in slow circles, quietly dancing in the refrigerator light as the remaining verses of the song warble in the background.

You think you finally understand what Dejun meant when he said he’s breaking up with you because your heart was already occupied by someone else.

You fall in love with him in August.

NOVEMBER 2019.

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: hey you up?

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: 7/11 in ten mins?

Tiredly rubbing your eyes, you stumble out of your dorm building, one of Jeno’s sweaters draped over your figure. November nights are cold, but this one seems chillier than usual. Yangyang stands near the front steps, and he stiffens up when he notices whose hoodie you’re wearing. He makes no mention of it though when you join him.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He glances over to you as the two of you walk side by side to the small convenience store just on the edge of campus. You shake your head, shoving your hands into the front pocket of your sweater.

“I was up cramming for midterms. I could use a break anyway,” you shrug. A wisp of your hair falls in your face, and Yangyang starts to reach out to fix it, but forces himself to keep his hand by his side. You reach out to carelessly brush it away, tucking it behind your ear.

“What about you?” You look over at him, noting the bags under his eyes. “Rough night?”

He smiles tiredly at you, shoving his hands into his pockets as he kicks a stray pebble along the sidewalk. “More like rough week. Two more midterms left, and they’re for electromagnetic theory and linear systems.”

“Oh god, good luck. I took linear systems today, and it was absolutely brutal.” You wince, brightening up when you see the familiar neon orange, red, and green lights up ahead.

“Maybe I should just withdraw and take it again next quarter,” your best friend grumbles, kicking the stone as far as he possibly can.

“You really want another quarter with Hwang?”

“You’re right,” he sighs, “I just need to get a C+ to maintain my GPA. C if I’m pushing it.”

The two of you hurry over to the 7-Eleven, quickening your pace, until you reach the store doors, and you pull them open. Entering quickly, you push the door open slightly wider, and Yangyang slips in behind you. The cashier doesn’t even look up, texting away on his phone. You make a beeline towards the chips aisle, grabbing a bag of flamin’ hot Cheetos and a pack of sour gummy worms.

“What are you getting, Yang?” You call out over your shoulder, eyes zeroing in on the Red Bull stand at the end of the aisle. When you hear no response, you halt in your steps, turning around. Yangyang stands in the middle of the aisle, looking dazed under the fluorescent lights.

Putting your items back on the shelf, you approach him, reaching out and touching his arm gently. “Yangyang, what’s wrong?”

He jerks back before silently holding up his phone for you to see. There’s a slew of text messages from Ningning a few hours ago, and a quick scan tells you all you need to know. Your heart weighs heavily in your chest when you look back at him, a forlorn expression on his face.

“She dumped me,” he says quietly, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “She said our relationship was like a friendship. She didn’t feel anything. She said we could still be friends if I wanted to be though.”

He jabs a large bag of Lays potato chips angrily as his voice raises slightly higher. “But I don’t get it. Do friends take each other on dates? Do friends spend the night? Do friends hug each other and hold hands walking to class? Do friends spend three hundred dollars to do a surprise weekend trip for their birthday?”

He whirls around to face you, and he’s so close that you can see those pretty golden sparkles in his eyes again. Suddenly, his hands are cupping your face, and the next thing you know, he’s kissing you. Your eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they flutter shut, and you press your lips against his. The 90s pop station music playing overhead seems to fade away, and all you can focus on is that your best friend tastes like spearmint gum and grape soju. He pulls away abruptly, the realization of what he’s done finally hitting him as his chest heaves up and down.

“Do friends kiss like this?”

His voice is barely a whisper, but it cuts through the silence. You feel like you’re spinning out of control, a split second from careening and crashing.

“No, we—they don’t,” you mumble, and Yangyang sees the starstruck look in your eyes, and he wants to apologize: to say sorry for kissing you. But he doesn’t. Because for some reason, he doesn’t feel sorry. He closes his eyes, curling his hands into fists before exhaling slowly. He sees you looking back at him this time, and he wonders if you feel as equally lost as he does.

Because you’re right. Friends don’t kiss each other like that. Friends don’t feel like this about each other.

He kisses you in November.

AUGUST 2020.

The sun still shines bright late into the day, and August greets you like an old friend. You’re absentmindedly doodling in the margins of your notebook designated for Quantum Mechanics. Yangyang sits next to you in the lecture hall, making a bunch of origami cranes before tossing them at Renjun’s head right in front of him. When the bird reaches its target for the sixth time in a row, the annoyed boy whirls around in his seat, glaring at your best friend.

“Stop that,” he hisses, and Yangyang innocently raises his hands in the air. Renjun angrily frowns at him before turning back around in his seat. After a few minutes, Yangyang flicks another crane towards his friend. If this was a cartoon, you would see steam blowing out of your friend’s ears. You silently watch as he wordlessly picks up his phone, seething as he presses on a particular number.

Suddenly, Travis Scott’s SICKO MODE starts blasting, amplified by the large auditorium-like room. The professor goes silent, and everyone turns to see Yangyang scrambling to pick up his phone. He fumbles around for a few seconds with it before finally shutting it off and putting it on vibrate mode. Cheeks burning red, he meekly puts his phone back in his bag and squeaks out a “sorry” before sinking down in his chair (You can see the culprit grinning like the cat ate the canary right in front of him. Karma’s a bitch who also goes by the name of Renjun).

You pat his arm consolingly as he sulks next to you for a few minutes, mouth jutting out into a pout. You decide to take pity on him and lean closer to him, whispering quietly, “Would it make you feel better if I bought you boba after class?”

Immediately, he brightens up. “One oolong milk tea, half sugar with white pearls and coconut jelly?”

“Yes, I’ll pay for your overpriced drink,” you huff, thinking about how his one seven dollar drink could buy you a whole rotisserie chicken that’ll last you a week. At least the fluffy dog at Cloudy with a Chance of Boba is cute and fun to play with. “I’ll even get the honey waffle fries.”

“Heck yeah!” he whisper-yells, fist pumping quietly before he suddenly deflates. “Wait, I can’t. I promised Lia I’d get lunch with her.”

Ah, right, there’s Lia now. Yangyang’s new girlfriend: the only other student who went to Düsseldorf, Germany to study abroad over the summer, and inevitably, the two of them became close. All you really know about her is that she’s pretty, she’s in Iota Theta Zeta, and she followed you on Instagram a few weeks ago (of course, you followed her back because of the unspoken best friend and girlfriend policy).

Her page looks carefully curated, and there’s a common pink tinted theme going on throughout her feed. She has over a thousand followers, and it seems like Yangyang fits perfectly in her magazine curated life, judging by how he occupies nearly every picture taken in the summer with her or how he’s tagged as the photographer. You can’t deny that they look good together, pointedly shoving the green eyed monster back under the bed.

You take a peek at your messy Instagram page where you only post pictures when you’re half drunk, so there’s no semblance of uniformity anywhere. You shrug at him, pocketing your phone.

“No biggie. I’ll see if Karina is up for some boba. She’s been holed up in the dance studio already, and it’s only week two of classes, can you believe it?”

“I remember Ten was the same way,” Yangyang hums, eyes fixated on his phone and fingers tapping away. He laughs quietly, lips curling into a pretty smile, and you glance over curiously.

“What’s so funny?”

“Hmm?” Yangyang finally tears his eyes away from his screen for a split second to look at you before another buzz takes his attention away. He’s distracted, lovestruck, and you wistfully smile before turning back to your notes.

“Sorry, what’d you say earlier?” he loudly whispers a few minutes later, and you barely glance up from the large bulbasaur doodle you’re in the progress of completing right next to the chart marking the wave functions for a bouncing ball that you had copied down from the blackboard.

“Oh, I just asked what was so funny,” you murmur, coloring in the flowers you drew around the Pokémon with your blue ballpoint pen.

He looks confused for a moment before lighting up. “Oh! It was just a German joke. It’s not really funny if I translate it though.”

“Got it, no worries.” You notice the professor starting a new example problem, and you abandon your drawing, focusing on the formulas rapidly filling up the chalkboards in front of you. A quiet chuckle echoes in your ears, and you pause in your note taking to look over and see your best friend still typing on his phone. You make a mental reminder to create a copy of your notes for him later on when you pass the library on the way to the dining hall.

“Hey, Y/N.” Yangyang nudges you gently. “Rain check on the boba?”

You offer him a soft smile. “Of course. Anytime.”

He gives you a quick grin in return before his attention returns to the device in his hand—or rather, the pretty girl behind those texts. Your best friend is sitting right next to you, but you’ve never felt so far away. You know distance makes the heart grow fonder, but you don’t think it’s possible to be even fonder of him than you are now. Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him. No wonder it’s beginning to hurt so much.

You lose him in August.

DECEMBER 2020.

December is the coldest month of the year, yet it is also simultaneously the warmest with all the holiday festivities it brings. If Yangyang were to choose a month to describe you, it’d be this one. You are a walking paradox, a conundrum he might never solve, an oxymoron come to life. He doesn’t understand how you can be his best friend, yet feel like a stranger; a friend who he wants as a lover; someone who has created such an impact in his life, but disappears seamlessly here and there.

He wonders when you’ve gotten so distant. He wonders why he never noticed the way you seemed to slip away through the cracks until it’s now nearing the end of the year, and the last time he’s seen you in person was before the November autumn break.

But you’re here.

You’re standing right next to the punch bowl filled with spiked eggnog, wearing a garish knitted button down jumper with brightly colored Christmas lights decorating it. It’s perfectly in theme with the Ugly Christmas Sweater party Nu Chi is holding, and Yangyang is beyond ecstatic to know that you’re attending. He had texted you an invite two weeks ago, and you merely reacted with a thumbs up.

Yangyang swears he was going to follow up with you on that, but he got so caught up with midterms, then meeting Lia’s family for Thanksgiving, then studying for finals, and then finally, preparing for this party. Buying enough beer for twenty-three keg stands is a lot more difficult than it seems (Donghyuck’s car broke down halfway during one trip, and they all had to carry back the packs of beers to the house in 40 degree weather in their Sperry boat shoes and Patagonia long sleeves that definitely weren’t cut out for this kind of weather).

His girlfriend is somewhere in the room, wearing the other half of the reindeer sweater she forced him to put on, but all he can focus on is you. He hurriedly makes his way over, skidding to a stop in front of you, and you’re startled before a smile spreads across your face.

“Hey, you, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You grin at him, reaching out to poke the reindeer tail sticking out from the front of his itchy sweater (Lia got to wear the head half of the reindeer, while he was stuck with the behind).

“Yeah, how have you been?” He reaches around you to pick up a cup and pour himself some eggnog. He offers you one, but you decline with a small shake of your head.

“I’ve been doing good, a bit tired with finals coming up, but what’s new?” You joke, grabbing one of the sugar cookies from the table. You’re secretly surprised that they actually have real food (No, Hyuck, Jell-O shots do not count as real food). You suspect Jaemin has something to do with it. He always contributes to the annual Greek row bake sale.

“Are you here with someone? Did Karina come?” he asks, curiosity coating every word. He looks around for your roommate, but she’s nowhere to be found.

You shake your head. “No, I actually came with—”

“Me!”

Yukhei bounds over, slipping an arm over your shoulder. He hands you a new cup of apple cider, which you accept gratefully. He grins happily at Yangyang, who freezes up at the sight of his tall friend. “I asked her to be my date for the party, and she agreed. She also made our sweaters! Aren’t they so cool? There’s even lights that spell my name and play Christmas songs. She did a bunch of cool programming tricks to make them work.”

Yangyang realizes with a start that the two of you are indeed wearing matching sweaters, and that leaves a rather sour taste in his mouth (and it definitely wasn’t because of expired eggnog). The corners of his lips tilt downward as he presses his lips together tightly.

“So… you two are together?” He gestures between you and Yukhei with a forced laugh. Jealousy never did look good on anybody, and unfortunately, he’s not an exception.

“We’re just seeing each other and seeing how it goes for now,” you answer quietly, noting the way your best friend reacts. You have always been good at reading him, and you tread carefully now, not wanting to make a scene. Drunk Yangyang never holds anything back, and he’s had quite a few pre-game shots already (It definitely doesn’t help that he’s a lightweight, too).

“I see. How did you guys meet? Or I guess, start talking?” He attempts to look intimidating, staring down at Yukhei, but it’s a difficult feat to accomplish, especially when he’s trying to stare down a six foot guy who’s more like an overgrown puppy and his friend.

“Oh, she came by for one of your boba runs, but you were still out with Lia. So I asked if I could go with her.” Yukhei flashes his pearly whites at you, and you chuckle, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I said yes, and we hit it off, I guess.”

“You guess? And you took him on our boba runs?”

“You were out with Lia,” you say defensively, and he blanches when he hears his girlfriend’s name come out of your mouth.

“You could’ve waited,” he mutters, but you still hear it, and you give him a scathing look, finally too tired of this push and pull game that’s been going on behind the scenes for nearly three years now.

“I did. I waited over an hour here for you, but you didn’t show up or even text me that you were gonna be late. Yukhei was nice enough to offer to go with me.”

He stays silent, and you gnaw on your bottom lip, unsure of what to say next. Yukhei looks at you in concern, but you reach up and squeeze his hand reassuringly, which your best friend doesn’t fail to notice, his lips pressing into an even thinner line.

“I don’t understand what the deal is,” you finally burst out, startling both boys. “What’s the big deal about me and Yukhei going out?”

Something inside of him finally snaps. “The big deal is that you’re basically sleeping through my list of friends and then breaking up with them! First Dejun, then Jeno, now Yukhei? Who’s next? Should I give Renjun a heads up? Pencil you into his planner? Or Sicheng? Sungchan? You have a class with him, so you’re bound to flirt with him, too, right? When are you gonna stop fucking around with my frien—”

He gasps, stopping mid-outburst as he stares at you in disbelief. Apple cider slides down from his hair, dripping onto his face and soaking into his sweater, the sticky juice clinging to his skin uncomfortably. You’re absolutely seething, the empty cup crackling in your clenched fist. Shocked, Yukhei carefully tugs the plastic away from you and places it on the table before replacing it with his own hand, his thumb caressing circles on the back of your hand soothingly. Yangyang doesn’t dare to meet his furious gaze, lifting his chin to look at you instead. The entire room has hushed down by now, all eyes staring directly at the three of you in a mixture of surprise and slight terror.

“Screw you, Yangyang,” you say lowly, voice shaking with anger. Tears form on the edge of your waterline, but you blink them away before hastily brushing a stray droplet from your cheek. “They asked me out. I said yes. We went out. It didn’t work out. We move on. Just like how you’ve gone out with my friends. And they didn’t work out, so you moved on. So what’s so wrong about that? What’s so wrong about trying again to find love?”

He can’t answer you, curling his hands into fists until his fingernails indent miniature crescents in his palms—until the pain overtakes the feelings that are threatening to spill from his heart. Yangyang may not be yours, but he doesn’t like the fact that he can’t call you his either.

Love. That’s what you want, that’s what you crave, but not if it’s from him. So what is he supposed to do with love that’s unwanted? It’s bursting at the seams, and he has nowhere to hide it anymore.

He loves you in December.

AUGUST 2021.

August sneaks up on you this time around, and you find yourself in Kunhang’s apartment. All of your close friends are here, starting the last year of youth with one final first day party. You think back to that day three years ago: when your eyes met a pair of equally bright ones for the first time.

Curled up next to Yukhei on the couch, you look across the room and meet those very same eyes, although they seem hazier this time around. Lia is wrapped around his arm, and you think it’s quite ironic how both your and his relationships remain the same after all this time. Perhaps you both were bad luck for each other, leading to the other’s demise with short lived relationships. He looks away from you.

The rules of truth or dare are simple. You cannot ask the same person again until three other people have been asked first, and no one can be asked more than three times in each round. And, for reasons you can’t understand, everyone seems to take the code of truth seriously.

“I’ll start,” Kunhang announces, leaning back in one of the several beanbags he has in his place. “Goeun, truth or dare?”

Goeun sighs, leaning back on the palms of her hands. “Dare.”

“You and Mark, seven minutes in heaven.” Hendery points towards the coat closet, and the immediate reaction of hoots and wolf whistles has the girl rolling her eyes. With an exasperated huff, she stands up and pulls a red faced Mark along with her.

“Wait, you gotta pick the next person!” Donghyuck calls out, and she stops in her tracks, throwing open the closet door and shrugging. “You can choose for me.”

With that, she and Mark disappear behind the door, and Donghyuck turns toward the rest of the group, eyes glimmering mischievously. You pay no attention to him, absentmindedly playing with Yukhei’s fingers. You tug one of his rings off his finger, and he smiles, plucking it from your grasp carefully before holding your hand. He carefully slides it onto your right ring finger, but it falls off. Grinning, he pretends to try it on every single one of your fingers until finally settling on your thumb. The ring fits snugly there, and you admire it, wriggling your thumb around.

“Well, look at that. It fits you. I think that means we’re meant to be,” Yukhei says, smiling broadly, and you laugh, interlocking your fingers with his again before glancing down at the silver engraved band resting on your finger. The weight of the metal feels heavy resting against your knuckle.

“Yangyang, truth or dare.”

Donghyuck’s voice cuts through your thoughts, and you instinctively perk up in your seat at the sound of his name before freezing up in your spot. Yukhei squeezes your hand softly, and you tighten your grip around his fingers.

“Truth.”

“You’re no fun,” Donghyuck sighs, slouching back against the armrest. Yukhei leans over and whispers something in his ear before settling back next to you, shifting slightly to wrap his arm around you. Donghyuck lifts an eyebrow at your boyfriend before shrugging. “Okay, here’s an easy one. Are you in love…”

“Yes.” is his immediate response, and you notice how Lia absolutely preens next to him.

“… with Y/N?”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and you immediately turn your head to look at Yukhei, your eyes growing wide in horror. He looks apologetic, shoulders drooping. “I’m sorry, but just the way he looks at you, it’s so obvious, and I had to know.”

You whip around to face the boy in question. With bated breath, you look at him, but Yangyang stares at the center of the floor, struggling internally. Everyone is quiet, and it reminds you of the calm before a storm. At last, he looks up, gazing right at you, and you can almost swear that you see those pretty little gold flecks in his irises from here.

“Yes,” Yangyang confesses quietly.

There’s almost a collective gasp rippling through the room, and Yukhei lets out an inaudible swear under his breath. Your grip on his hand grows slack as you fumble to get a grasp on the entire situation.

He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

The words echo in your mind like a mantra until it grows so loud that you can’t hear any of your own thoughts anymore. Lia is in absolute hysterics, demanding an explanation from him, but he merely shrugs her off. Standing up, he quickly moves to leave the room, glancing at you one more time before disappearing out the front door.

It’s like your body is on auto-pilot after this. You drop Yukhei’s hand, immediately standing up and rushing after your best friend, paying no mind to the hushed whispers that only seem to increase in volume once you leave. You step out onto the porch, and there he is, sitting on the steps.

You quietly stand behind him, contemplating what to say and carefully choosing your next words. But there’s only one question on your mind.

“Why did you say that?”

He stays silent for a moment, staring out at the moon shining brightly ahead. “Because I meant it.”

Your heart wrenches in your chest. “You shouldn’t.”

He finally turns to look at you, an indescribable look in his eyes. It reminds you of heartbreak. “But I do. And I tried not to for the past three fucking years, but I can’t anymore.”

“Since freshman year?” You feel the tears well up in your eyes, and this time, you let them go. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Yangyang grips onto the edge of the stairs tightly, frustration ringing with every word that falls from his mouth. “Because I was scared. And I thought you never felt the same way. You’re my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Yang…” You whisper, hand reaching out as you let it hover over his shoulder for a few seconds. Then, you pull back, curling your fingers into fists, pressing crescent indentations into the palms of your hands.

He stands up, whirling around to look at you, desperate. “Tell me I’m not too late. Please, Y/N.”

Something inside of you breaks. You open your mouth and start to say something when the door opens behind you. Turning around, you see Yukhei. His eyes widen when he sees the two of you standing there.

You know this is it. This is the moment. This is where you have to decide.

“I, I was just looking for you. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Yukhei awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, taking a step back. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna go back in and—”

“No, wait, it’s okay,” you gently interrupt him. You reach out and slip your hand into his, and he relaxes, giving you a relieved smile. You smile softly back at your boyfriend before turning to face him, eyes apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Yangyang.”

He and you are asymptotes: two lines curving towards each other, but never touching; two hands reaching towards each other, but never interlocking; two people tangling their red strings of fate, but never tying.

You give him one last glance before going back inside with Yukhei.

You break his heart in August.

SEPTEMBER 2021.

September is supposed to be a new beginning: the transition from summer to autumn. Yangyang doesn’t think he can let go of you as easily as the trees shed their green for gold and red. Wherever he goes, wherever he looks, little reminders of you bloom in every crevice. You’re absolutely everywhere and nowhere, and it drives him crazy.

He thinks he’s gone completely insane when he hears your laugh while he’s walking to the laundromat one day. He shoves his airpods in and continues on his way until he sees you. Walking across the street, there you are. You’re on the phone with someone, and he contemplates going over to say hello. But suddenly, you’re hanging up the phone and waving eagerly at someone. When he turns his head to look, his heart drops and gets buried six feet under. He hurriedly ducks into a nearby bookstore and watches as you run up to Yukhei, slipping your hand into his like it’s second nature to you now. The two of you walk off together, and Yangyang is left standing at the window of the store until the shop owner politely asks if there’s anything he needs.

He doubts a time machine is something they have in stock, so he silently shakes his head and steps out onto the street once again. It is now silent and empty.

He loses you in September.

AUGUST 2022.

A lot can change in eleven months.

You’re twenty two years old, but you feel like you’re eighteen again. You know you’re going to see him for the first time since September at Kun’s housewarming. You had repeatedly assured Yukhei that you’d be fine. After all, life goes on; the world doesn’t stop just because you had a falling out with your best friend, even if it may have been a little more than that. Nevertheless, a year has nearly passed. Time is known to be the best healer, and perhaps your heart has shed its old skin and habits.

Your hand is safely enveloped in Yukhei’s, and the two of you walk towards your older friend’s new apartment. He playfully swings your interlocked hands back and forth, and you giggle, tightening your grip around his fingers. You stop in front of the door, the muffled sounds of a party slipping through the cracks. You suck in a breath, shoulders tensed. He’s in there.

“Are you okay?”

Yukhei squeezes your hand gently, voice laced with concern. You remember to breathe, exhaling slowly and relaxing before nodding. You smile up at him. “I’m okay.”

“If you want, we can go back home now, have another NCIS marathon, and drink this by ourselves.” Yukhei waves around the nice bottle of wine the two of you had brought for Kun. “We can even stop by the convenience store and get some ramen.”

You laugh quietly, the corners of your lips upturning with mirth. “It’s okay, I’m fine, Yukhei, I promise. Plus, I have you, right?”

He brightens up at that, practically beaming at you, and your heart skips a beat. “Right!”

You reach out and knock on the door. Kun greets the two of you, and you enter his apartment. Yukhei still doesn’t let go of your hand, and you follow behind him as you weave your way through the living room, greeting some of your friends. You hear Kunhang calling out to your boyfriend from the kitchen and feel him hesitate next to you. You squeeze his hand gently before letting go and nudging him in the direction of his friend. Yukhei gives you one last look, but you wave him off, smiling goodnaturedly and silently assuring that you’re okay. He swoops down and leaves behind a soft kiss for you before going.

You walk over to the alcohol table, pouring yourself something to drink. Leaning against the wall, you take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting over the rim of your cup and slowly scanning the room. It feels like forever, like everything is moving in slow motion, like the world is submerged underwater, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds.

You find him easily. After all, it’s hard to forget someone whose features you’ve memorized over the past four years. Your eyes map the delicate outline of his face once more, and for a moment, you wonder if red is still his favorite color, or who he shares a carton of Ben and Jerry’s with nowadays. You wonder if he thinks of you sometimes, too.

But then, you wonder where Yukhei is. You search around until you see your boyfriend still standing in the kitchen, laughing at something your mutual friend said. Your eyes soften when you see him grab your favorite snack. You turn back around, your heart swelling in your chest tenfold, and your lips curl upwards, an endeared expression on your face.

That’s when you notice that he’s looking at you.

You brace yourself, waiting for the tidal wave of emotions to wash over you and the quickening of your heart rate to greet you like an old friend. Because that’s what always happens when you’re around him. After all, he is the biggest what-if in your life. He is someone you almost loved forever, someone you almost stayed for.

And yet, nothing happens. You wait a little longer. The world still goes round, and you’re still breathing. There’s no shortness of breath, no erratic heart palpitations, no sweaty palms, absolutely nothing. Liu Yangyang is a stranger in a familiar body, and your heart remains still.

You give Yangyang a faint smile, nodding towards him, and it feels like a sudden jolt in his heart. Time stops, and all he can see is you. You look beautiful. You have always been beautiful. This is his chance. Whatever higher entity out there has taken pity on him and given him a second try to make it right. He finally takes a step towards you, and the tender, encouraging expression in your eyes gives him the strength to take another one. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Clutching his drink in hand, he pushes his way through the crowd. He’s only eight, seven, six, five steps away from you now. A smile grows on his face as relief curls around his heart like a bandage. You’re standing there, waiting for him, smiling at him.

And suddenly, you’re no longer looking at him.

You stopped looking at him.

Yukhei makes his presence known next to you, excitedly chattering about something and gesturing towards the kitchen as he hands you something to eat. It’s a snickerdoodle cookie. Your favorite. Your eyes are fixated on the tall boy, positively sparkling as you beam at him.

Yangyang feels like he can’t breathe. The bandage is ripped off, and all he can feel is excruciating pain like a thousand pinpricks into his heart before the numbness hits. He freezes, rooting himself in that spot on the scratched hardwood floor as his colleagues and friends continue to jostle around him. As his world crumbles around him, he can’t tear his eyes away from you. They stay on you, the barest traces of nostalgia lingering in the dimmed golden flecks of his irises that you had still admired all those months ago. It’s like he’s trapped in a silent film, stuck in a fish bowl and swimming in circles, and he watches in horror as you outstretch your hand and intertwine your fingers around Yukhei’s, leaning up to press your lips against his tenderly. Your boyfriend looks at you like you hung the stars in the night sky yourself (He would believe it if you said you did).

You don’t look at him like that anymore.

Yangyang remembers when you used to. When you used to love him. When you were almost his. He feels something inside of him break for a second time.

The world continues to spin, and yet, he’s still not moving. He’s stuck in quicksand, sinking deeper and deeper as everyone around him moves on—as you move on. He desperately tries to keep you in his view, and his feet finally pick up as he lurches forward. He’s not fast enough. You’re slipping away, walking away from him, hand in hand with Yukhei, disappearing around the corner of the hallway, and he can’t do anything about it. It’s too late. He’s too late. The sticky remnants of cheap beer run down his wrist, and it finally registers in his mind that he had crushed the flimsy plastic cup in his hand sometime in between now and then. In a crowded room full of people, he’s left standing there, alone and lonely.

Almost is the worst way to love someone, Yangyang bitterly realizes. It hurts to lose someone you almost love. No, it was never an ‘almost’. He most certainly loved—loves—you. And it should be impossible to lose someone who was never his to begin with, yet he has. All this time, he thought he had you, but it had always been the other way around.

He was your August, he was your everything, and he is yours.

But you will never be his.

You let go of him in August.

1K notes · View notes

onlydreamofmysoul · 3 years

Text

Cardigan (Wolfstar)

I sat down to write a teeny drabble with two lines from the song Cardigan by Taylor Swift. It quickly spiralled into this. (I really love it though).

Set in the cannon universe, cw for mentions of death, injuries and scars. (Nothing graphic though).

I knew you, dancing in your Levi’s drunk under a streetlight.

“Shh! Pads. you’re gonna get us caught!” Remus half-whispered, his own voice a tad too loud for his own liking but his slightly tipsy state didn’t allow for a lower volume. Sirius spun into him smushing his fingers right up against Remus’ lips, both of them chest to chest under James’ cloak. It was hard to believe the four of them mused to fit under this - now it only just about covered Remus and Sirius even with Remus ducking down to Sirius’ height.

“Come on Moony, you’re ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’,” He said, punctuating each word of the grand title with his index finger poking into Remus; chest. “Even if we do get caught, you can charm our way out of it.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but followed. The passage was dim and the ground was uneven and to be perfectly honest, they hadn’t yet discovered if this particular passage way had been caved in since they last explored it the previous year, but Sirius seemed sure of himself and that was enough for Remus. If Sirius was the one leading, he’d always follow.

“Alright, but I’m late on a transfiguration essay, so if Minnie catches us, you’re on your own. I need to save my charm for that.” He said, his tone stern, but all his reserve melted when Sirius smiled up at him and pressed a victorious kiss to his cheek.

“I take back your title.” Sirius said dramatically, looking at Remus with a smug righteousness. “Apparently ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’ isn’t so perfect after all.”

He pressed his mouth right up next to Remus’ ear just as they stepped out the little secret entrance, ducking under the ivy trellis that hid their little passageway. “It’s a good thing I like bad boys.” Sirius breathed, and Remus couldn’t wait any more, not caring whether the cloak revealed their ankles or not when he pulled Sirius in for a blazing kiss.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Sirius smirked and kissed him again. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

Remus laughed and took off walking again, tugging the cloak off as soon as they were far enough away from the school, catching hands and spinning under the soft glow of the lamplights illuminating the path to Hogsmeade. Sirius tilted his head back, still spinning, their hands acting as the axis that centred the entire universe.

“I love you too.”

I knew you, hands under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better.

“Sirius, if you don’t start being more careful, I’m gonna-”

“What?” Sirius teased, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, looking far too haughty for a man sitting on a countertop, his legs dangling in the air. “What’re you gonna do Re? You gonna punish me?”

Remus pursed his lips to try hide his smile, but gave in, kissing Sirius once briefly.

“No,” He said, pulling up Sirius’ jumper to get a proper look at the gash he had acquired after climbing a tree. Then subsequently falling out of said tree. “But I will send you to Madam Pomfrey and have you try to explain to her that you thought you’d be able to pull off a levitation charm if there was a ‘more extreme sense of urgency’.” He finished, mocking Sirius’ words from earlier.

Sirius just scrunched up his face playfully in retaliation, before breathing in shakily as Remus coated the cut with a liberal amount of salve, watching in fascination as the skin knitted back together.

“There.” He said, straightening up to stand between Sirius’ legs, pulling down his jumper again. “Good as new.”

“Nah ah.” Sirius countered, shaking his head as his legs locked behind Remus’ back, binding them together. “Gotta kiss it better.”

Remus wet his lips, shaking his head in fond disbelief, but leaned in willingly, feeling the hot slide of Sirius’ mouth against his own cooler one.

“All better?” Remus asked, panting slightly as they rested their foreheads together.

Sirius shrugged, hooking his arm more firmly around Remus’ neck. “Close, but not quite better yet.”

Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other.

(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite.

“Sirius?” Re said softly, pushing the door to their dorm open slowly. “Are you here?”

“Yeah,” Came a muffled reply. “I’m here.”

Remus stepped into the room, looking first to Sirius’ bed to find it empty. Remus frowned, looking around to find Sirius curled up on Remus’ own bed, his favourite cardigan folded gently around him.

“Hi sweetheart,” Remus said, voice hushed as he climbed onto the bed next to the other boy, noting the red stained eyes and puffed lips. “What do you need?”

At the words, anything that seemed to be holding Sirius together until that point shattered, the raven haired boy collapsing into Sirius’ arms.

“Re,” He gasped, between his sobs as Remus just pulled him closer. “Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Isn’t love supposed to be good? If it’s so great, then why the fuck does it hurt so much?”

Remus’ heart clenched. Regulus.

“I don’t know sweetheart,” He murmured, holding Sirius close. “But it makes us who we are.” He cupped Sirius’ face so he could meet the raging stormy eyes. “It’s better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.”

Sirius just blinked at him.

“But for the record,” Remus said, touching their heads together. “I don’t think you’ve lost him. He’s just lost right now. But he’ll find his way back to you.”

Sirius nodded, and slumped against Remus’ chest, no longer crying, just breathing deeply.

“You know Remus Lupin,” He whispered after a while. “I don’t care how long it takes, but I’m gonna marry you someday.”

To kiss in cars, and downtown bars, was all we needed.

“Oh Merlin, they’re snogging again.” Peter commented as he turned his head to spot James and Lily, leaning in for a kiss. Remus, currently with his tongue in Sirius’ mouth heard this, but let Peter discover the other couple in his own time.

“Christ, the pair of you are too. You’re all fuckin at it.” He grumbled. If Remus’ mouth wasn’t already a little preoccupied, he would have laughed. There it was.

“Right, I’m off to find humans capable of holding decent conversation.” Peter muttered and he might have left. He could have stayed and done a jig on the table for all Remus cared, but in this moment, he noticed none of it. What was the poem he had read somewhere? Stars and moths and rinds slanting around fruit. This moment.

You drew stars around my scars and now I’m bleeding.

“Hey, look at this.” Sirius said somewhat excitedly, rolling away from Remus momentarily and returning with a quill and a jar of ink.

Remus eyed him skeptically, his arm tucked under his head as they lounged on his bed, the curtains drawn to create the illusion of their own little oasis.

“I bet I could draw stars on your chest and then your scars could connect them, like in astronomy.”

Remus bit his lip, looking at Sirius’ appraised expression. “I feel like I should say no,” He said slowly, even as he unscrewed the ink. “But go for it.”

Sirius grinned triumphantly and studied Remus for a minute, brushing the quill over his lips as he concentrated. Remus couldn’t help but muse that if Sirius put half as much effort into his schoolwork as he was doing here, he would be top of the class. Finally, Sirius ditched the quill, dipping a finger into the ink directly.

“I don’t want the point of the quill to scratch you.” He explained, after noticing Remus’ raised eyebrow. Something warmed inside Remus’ chest while something cold trickled over the outside. Remus closed his eyes and let himself focus on the slightly ticklish, but mostly soothing sensation of Sirius tracing patterns over his skin.

“Done.” Sirius muttered after a while and Remus opened his eyes, raising his head a little to peer down at himself. He looked like some abstract piece of art, covered in black and blue and red and green, scars shining silver between it all.

“Woah,” He breathed, “That’s pretty cool.”

Sirius grinned, then pointed to a star just over Remus; appendix. “That’s Sirius right there.”

Remus hummed, pursing his lips together, then grabbed a jar of ink, tracing a star a little messily, right over his heart.

“Nah,” He countered, “Sirius is there.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but came up to press their lips together. In the morning, they both looked like works of art.

But I knew you, stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain.

“I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll be taking this train.” James said, the four of them standing in a row on the platform, not yet ready to get on.

“We’ll be back.” Remus said. “Someday, we’ll be back.”

Sirius linked their fingers together. As one, the marauders stepped onto the train.

Mischief Managed.

I knew you, tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.

Remus just stared at the auror.

“Mr Lupin,” The man said gently, playing his hand tenderly on Remus’ arm. Remus didn’t know what his name was. It was probable the man had said it but Remus wasn’t listening. Everything had gone dark. “I realise this must come as a shock.”

Remus wrenched his arm back, shaking his head. “A shock?” He laughed a little manically. “No, you’re wrong.”

“Mr Lupin, we have evidence that Sirius Black was the one to-”

“Well you’re wrong!” Remus yelled. Or maybe he had whispered. It was possible he hadn’t even spoken at all, but the words swirled around and around in his head. “I don’t know how, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong, this isn’t right, you have it all wrong, he would never-”

Remus gasped, pressing a hand to his cracking heart as if it would hold him together. “He would never.” He repeated, his voice breaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. When they had gotten there, he didn’t know, but their presence was suddenly noticeable with the cold rush against Remus’ skin.

“I’m so sorry.” The auror said and then he was gone. And Remus was alone.

Had it always been this way? Remus alone. Remus with friends. Remus with Sirius. Remus alone.

Maybe he had made the entire thing up.

But dreams didn’t leave you feeling like the last kiss you’d ever had was from a dementor, not your true love.

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He had said that to Sirius once.

What a fool he had been.

I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water, when you are young they assume you know nothing.

“It is believed this was a plan Mr Black had been staging for quite some time now.” A newspaper read. Remus snorted and threw it in the fire. Sirius couldn’t even plan a week in advance. What they fuck did these people know.

But then, what did Remus know? His love was long lost, Rapunzel in a tower. Remus was no knight.

But he knew in his heart, none of this was true. He knew. He didn't care what anyone else said, they may have known his thoughts, but Remus knew his heart.

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss.

Sirius’ leather jacket still hung in the cupboard under the stairs. His hair potion, still in the shower. Remus couldn’t bear to see them. He could never throw them away.

I knew you’d haunt all of my what if’s.

Remus should have fought harder for Harry.

He should have, he should have, he should have, he should have.

He should have known better.

What if.

A smirking smile and stormy eyes. Hair held up with a wand. Those same dark strands coiled around Remus’ fingers.

The smell of smoke would hang around this long. Cause I knew everything when I was young.

Remus woke up to James’ scream. Except it couldn’t be James. Unless… Had this all been a dream?

James opened his eyes and suddenly there was Lily. Lily and James and they didn’t know who Remus was.

(Remus had been the first one to hold baby Harry. Before even Sirius. And now he didn’t even know him)

I knew I’d curse you for the longest time.

Remus hated Sirius. Not for being the notorious mass murderer Sirius Black. But for leaving him alone.

Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Remus wanted to laugh. His question to Sirius now would be this; Why couldn’t he stop loving someone he should hate.

Chasing shadows in the grocery line.

The students all murmured about the Grimm. The paintings gossiped about little else. Even the staff room had a few words on the subject matter. Remus tried not to let his heart flutter.

(But his boy was free. And there was a grim on the loose).

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.

Walking down to Hagrid's hut, Remus thought he saw something rustle in the bushes. He stepped off the path and looked closer, barely even breathing as his heart thundered, but the shadows that had lurked were gone.

And you’d be standing in my front porch light.

“Lie low at Lupins.”

For the first time in twelve years, amber met grey.

“Re,” Sirius croaked, and Remus shattered. He pulled Sirius inside the door quickly, shutting it and reinforcing all of the charms around his little cottage, drawing all the blinds shut and placing a charm around the area so he would know if anyone approached the house before he finally turned, and there he was.

And I knew you’d come back to me.

Not Mass Murderer Sirius Black.

Not even Padfoot.

But Sirius. Remus’ Sirius.

“Re,” Sirius said again, “It’s not true, it’s not true.” He said, repeating the words as he shook his head, eyes filling. “It’s not true, I would never.”

He would never.

Remus shook his head too, pulling Sirius into the tightest hug they ever might have shared.

“I know.” He whispered. “I know.”

You’d come back to me.

Sirius after a few weeks of good food and warmth looked a lot more like the boy Remus had once known, but there was no denying the person with his was now a man. Remus supposed they both were.

You’d come back.

“I love you.” Sirius whispered one night as they were curled under a blanket, Remus reading as Sirius lay on his chest, the position comforting and oh so familiar.

“Do you think you could ever love me again?”

Remus’ heart cracked as he set down his book and curled his fingers gently around Sirius’ jaw, tilting his head so Remus could look into that swirling sea.

“Love you again?” He said, his voice nearly cracking in disbelief. “Pads, how could I love you again when I never stopped?”

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite.

“I can’t believe you still have this.” Sirius whispered, pulling the same cardigan he always stole out of the back of Remus’ drawer.

“It used to smell like you.” Remus admitted. “But I wore it too much, I missed you too much.”

Sirius smiled, shrugging it on, it curling around his shoulders the way he curled into Remus, tilting his head up and pressing his lips against Remus’.

“I can fix that.” He whispered and Remus held him close, taking his time.

(For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

#wolfstar #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #wolfstar oneshot #Marauders #marauders era fanfiction #cannon compliant #wolfstar fic #James Potter #peter pettigrew #Lily Evans #harry potter #cardigan taylor swift #ao3 OpeningMyEyes #wolfstar angst

272 notes · View notes

jeontaehui · 3 years

Text

nananananana (210331 VLIVE)

taehee bites back a grin as fans enter the live. “hello everyoneeee,” she greets softly, her cheekbones lifting into a soft smile. “i’m in the practice room once again.”

“i was just learning a dance actually, it’s my break right now so this’ll probably be short,” she mentions. “and then i turned on vlive without asking permission— well, i did ask permission after i... turned it on,” she giggles. “she’s gonna say yes anyways. no one can say no to me,” the comments section blows up after she sent a sly wink to the viewers. she knew her effect on them one way or another.

mark lee i love you HELLO THE TITLE?? IS THIS A SPOILER???

lee donghyuck’s long hair i only entered the live but i feel like crying T—T why must she be so cute

taeyongbub taehee in the practice room is so attractive??? wth???

taehee tucks a few strands behind her ear asking, “did you guys have dinner already? have you guys eaten?”

mataechan what did taehee eat today?

hyuckschurros PIZZA !!!!

“aw, pizza? i’m craving now,” she shortly puts on a pout before a smile shows itself once again. “i haven’t eaten but i think i’ll have........ um,” taehee seems to think for a moment as she looks up the ceiling, trying to remember what jungwoo said she’d have at the dorms.

“i can’t remember,” she shrugs, proceeding to continue reading the comments.

jungwoo tehet are you going to dance again?

aussiechan TAEHEEEE !!! come home to australia :(

svtzen DREAM SPOILERS PLEASEE

“the dance that me and my teacher did today was to party favors by tinashe! i have to practice some more to get it right but i’m,” she stands up and dusts off her track pants, placing the phone on the floor in front of the mirror, “going to show you guys the part where i’m most confident in.”

she disappears as she goes to the side to play the music, and the strong beats of tinashe’s party favors fills the practice room. she adjusts her pants around her waist and runs a hand through her black hair, ruffling her bangs for a moment before getting into position.

she dances. no matter how hard-hitting the choreography is, taehee knew well how to control her own body, and gracefully yet powerfully sync her movements to the beats.

taehee marry me she’s so hot what the heck do i do

markcity i’m single for this reason only

fullsunnn THIS IS WHY WE NEED A TAEHEE SOLO ASAP !!!

from the corner of her eye, taehee sees her dance instructor imitate the part where she got the dance wrong during their practice, causing her to lose focus and burst into laughter.

ncityinthehouse everyone, the duality of miss jeon taehee

“unnie is laughing at me right now!” taehee giggles. her eyes glance to the side then back to the screen. “yes so, until there did i memorize the dance. i’ll try to post on instagram the full version of it. oh!” she claps her hands excitedly, a habit nctzens took note of before she says an idea.

“since it’s a wednesday today and! the end of the month, you guys can comment whatever you guys want me to do or any question you want to ask and i’ll answer them.”

“i’m going to scroll with my eyes closed and whatever my finger lands on will be picked,” she cutely asks if the viewers got it before briefly explaining what she just said in english.

“i’ll give you guys maybe 30 seconds? is 30 seconds enough? okay, ready and start!”

taehee bobbed her head as she counted the numbers in her head. “30! okay, i’ll close my eyes now.”

juhfahm skincare routine?

merrymark give us a phone tour :D

twiceyeon please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung !!!! <3

“from twiceyeon,” taehee reads, putting her emcee mode on. “please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung! ohh i think i’ve seen this on my recommended but i haven’t had the time to watch it— sorry, chaeyoung-ah,” she winces.

you can hear keys being tapped on taehee’s phone screen as she typed the title on youtube’s search bar. the music video appears a few seconds later and she immediately clicks on it.

“oooo dahyun-ssi is very pretty,” taehee says. her expression quickly changes when she sees the twice member use her foot as she played the piano, her hand going up to cover the giggles that escaped out of her. “this is so cool,” she beamed.

“oh sexy!” taehee exclaims after chaeyoung appeared. “i really like chaengie’s short hair.”

she compliments the set when the scene changes, a summer pool vibe replacing the vintage set-up at the intro. “the dance is cute too,” she mumbles.

she smiles at chaeyoung and dahyun’s playfulness in the music video before moving on to compliment her best friend again. “chaeyoung is seriously so pretty... whaaat!”

taehee continues to watch the rest of the video as she moves to the beat, occasionally letting out a chuckle or two at the adorableness of the duo.

“hold on,” she grabs her earphones and plugs them into her phone. “(it’s) to avoid copyright,” she smirks.

taehee finishes the music video with a grin on her face, “the music video was very cute! did they perform this on stage? i think the stage set and the fits would’ve been pretty.”

“speaking of music videos, baekhyun hyung’s new album just dropped yesterday! have you guys watched the music video?” taehee shuffles closer to the camera to read the comments. almost everyone was saying that they did, in fact, watch the music video and really enjoyed it.

“i never said this directly to him but i really am a fan of his, seriously,” she dictates. taehee breaks into a grin as she giggles again, the viewers watching how her eyes twinkled while she talked. “‘bambi’ is really great— it’s immaculate. you guys should stream the whole album and recommend it to your family and friends. baekhyunie hyung never fails to deliver (good songs).”

bbhubblegum taehee promoting baekhyun and other artists better than sm pt. 74628392

going on her phone, she mumbles, “and i really like the choreography of his songs.” there was an adorable pout to her lips as she spoke, much to the amusement of the viewers.

then she looks up from the device in her hands and her eyes hold a certain glint in them before she playfully squints. “just be quiet about this though. i am never gonna hear the end of this from him,” she shakes her head with an amused chuckle, recalling all the times baekhyun teased her and the ‘admiration’ she has for him.

“you’re my only bambi bambi,” taehee sang effortlessly. “it’s a perfect night for you,” her tone was a little softer this time.

“okay so that was our first request? dare? of the live, let’s get to the next one right away!”

taeheeroar do you listen to the neighborhood?

wooyoungification do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?

“the next one is.... wooyoungification! ooo wooyoung-ah hello,” taehee says, prolonging the last syllable of her sentence. “they asked, “do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?”

“well,” she clears her throat, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were in thought. “there are a lot of great artists out there. taylor swift is already my answer by default but,” she giggles again, “if i have to think of people outside sm, i think it’d be nice to have a collab with stray kids’ 3racha. they’re their producing unit if i’m not mistaken. it’d be fun to work with them.”

“i also had this dream of having a collaboration stage with the other dancers outside nct, like blackpink’s lisa or seulgi unnie. would you guys want that?”

midzyseason this isnt good for my gay ass

reveluvbar can taehee just take over sm

taehee hums, “i think i never mentioned it before but i wanna try doing drama ost’s too. i don’t watch as much dramas as i do before, but when i was still learning korean, they helped me so much.”

“i watched ‘guardian: the lonely and great god’ a lot and i really liked ‘stay with me’. hopefully, i can collab with punch too.”

taehee unconsciously moves her lips to the side, forming another pout and thinks again. “from sm, i think kai hyung? not counting superm, okay?” she beams.

“kai hyung and,” then a snort escapes taehee before she could even stop it, “baekhyun hyung.”

she puts a hand to her chest once she recovers from her mini-giggling fit before holding it up and swearing it was the truth. “these two were the ones that came to the top of my head, seriously.”

beansprout lolll remember when kai used to “complain” about taehee ever only talking about sehun cause he was the one she was closest to in exo when they first met ?

sodangerous it’s so touching how taehee looked up to exo while she was still a trainee and now they’re like family

taehee nods and bites her bottom lip, asking herself, “why do i feel like a youtuber?”

she smiles to someone off screen and quickly glances back to the camera, “next question!”

asteroidsung what did you get for renjun’s birthday?

“what did i get for renjun’s birthday? i just gave mine literally yesterday. i know it’s summer but i gave him a hoodie that i thought would look cute on him,” she smiles. “it was pink.”

“i was with haechanie when i bought it.”

chenlezoned hyuck said he’s gonna marry daegal next month

“hyuck’s gonna marry who now?!” taehee exclaims, “DAEGAL’S A MINOR!!!”

dreamtopia BYEEEEEEE

themissingpuzzlepiece everyone at haechan marrying daegal:❓❓meanwhile taehee: 🌋🌋⁉️

boohoohyuck sending my prayers to lee haechan

just then, taehee’s phone suddenly rings and her eyes widen at the caller id displayed on the screen. “wow, this dude’s timing is really! spot-on.”

she puts the speaker on, “donghyuck-ah, what’s this i’m hearing that you’re marrying daegal?? are you leaving me and chubs already?! oh and you’re on speaker.”

fullseun don’t you just cry on the inside when markhee calls hyuck by his real name or fullsun

you hear haechan’s boisterous laughter first before he could answer taehee’s question. “i talked about that on vlive,” he said, “where are you?”

“i’m doing vlive.”

“but it’s almost midnight.”

when taehee makes no move to answer, haechan goes, “are you in the practice room again?”

“so?” taehee answers sassily, causing the boy on the other end of the line to groan.

“noona, we talked about this already,” haechan whines. “then we can talk about it again later!” taehee shrugs exasperatedly. “noona....” the former warns, as if he was scolding a child. “i’m just on a break,” she gives in, “i’ll go home soon.”

“promise?” taehee rolls her eyes, though it was clear that she was grateful for haechan’s concern by the soft smile she held on her face. “i promise.”

taehyuckles i know i wished for a taehyuck live but this will suffice Gosh they are so cute !!!!!!

“you haven’t said hello to czennie,” taehee reminds him. “czennie, hello!!” he greets sweetly.

“anyways, i just called you because you agreed to playing a few rounds with me but i’ll just wait for you until you get home,” taehee winces at his statement. she might have forgotten. “oh right, i’m sorry. just a few more minutes?” haechan hums affirmatively from the other end.

“get home safely, noonaaa,” after they exchanged their goodbyes, taehee hangs up the call.

“yes, okay! everyone that was lee haechan on the phone with me and i think i can do,” she turns her back to look at the wall clock in the practice room, “three more comments.”

yangqied taehee’s an idol in the day, pro-gamer by night

“okay, so our next question is: are you friends with aespa? yes! i am friends with aespa,” she beamed.

“i actually saw them the day before their debut stage. my time slot in the practice room was after theirs and so we met there,” taehee recalls. “they’re very pretty! and they look cool when they danced to ‘black mamba’. i wished them luck on their debut stage,” she chuckles.

taehee closes her eyes and proceeds to swipe at the screen, “next question is... oh! i dare you to post on instagram. okay, let me find some photos and show you guys so we can all vote.”

“i’ll send them on bubble but i’ll show it here too in case you guys don’t have a subscription. that’s okay.”

markerlee tb to when taehee sent her pcs to bubble... she really said fuck capitalism !!!!

“okay, option 1: this one,” she brings her phone up to the screen, showing a picture of her with the bird filter on mac.

jisungbye I LIKE THIS ONEEE

kunniekunkun this one’s cute!!!

moloism markhee pls post ur photos with the mac filters im begging you

“orrrr this one,” she faces her phone towards the camera once more. she was sitting on the pavement with the view of the orange-pink sunset behind her, a mask concealing half of her face.

the127thsense everything just screams girlfriend material to me

deryqueen taehee, i am free this friday. i repeat, i am free this friday.

solhyuck i think you should post these as a set on instagram!

“what should i post on instagram? everyone choose between 1 or 2!” taehee tells them in korean, before switching to english. “you guys pick between the first one and the second one, and i’ll post it on instagram.”

oncezenni 2

flamboyanthyuck the second one!

ohmajesus i like the first one

iamjeno second pleaseee

“mm okay, most of you are voting for the second one so i’ll be posting that first thing tomorrow! and then i’ll just send the other one on bubble,” taehee puts her pinky finger up as she speaks, making a promise to the viewers.

“how many was that? two already?” a pout subtly makes its way on taehee’s lips and a few of her hair strands fell in front of her face, causing her to push them back as she huffed. nctzens found it adorable!

takeoffbesttrack can i kiss you.

“can you kiss me?” taehee presses her lips on the tips of her fingers before lightly tapping them on the screen. “i,” one of the corners of her mouth raises to a smirk, “kissed you.”

mahaecries GODDDD

tenvely you will be the death of me

deryqueen AGAIN TAEHEE I AM FREE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT !!!!!!!!!!

taehee giggles after seeing the comment section blow up and her dimples peek out from her cheeks.

“i’m gonna have to end this soon, guys. this is the last one, okay?”

haecity can you go live with markhyuck?

snoopyscoop do you have any more funny stories with jungwoo?

taromilktea did you see sungchan when he debuted as an emcee?

“did i go see sungchan when he debuted as emcee? nooo,” she frowns, “but i did call him on facetime.”

“he said he was nervous but i told him he’d do great! and he did, right?” taehee’s frown was quickly turned into a proud grin. “i watched a replay of it on youtube the day after. he was very cute.”

“i told him to just think of it like he was talking to us so he’s more comfortable, and he told me it helped a lot so i’m relieved,” she nods. “i sent him churros too!”

taehee shuffles closer to the camera and brings her knees close to her chest while she talks, “please support him! i know sungchanie’s glad to have received this opportunity that’s why he’s been practicing diligently.”

taehee reads a few more comments and smiles at the funny ones. the humor of nctzens never fail to make her smile. the memes they send during menpas are so hilarious that she can’t help but reply to most of them.

taeheespresident i guess she’s gonna end the live now? :(

jungwootehet it’s nearing 1 am and i still have school tomorrow...... whoops!

“i’ll have to go now guys, it was nice doing all this with you,” taehee softly mumbles.

“i like this idea of having you guys comment what you would want me to do ‘cause i’m able to connect with you guys more, i’ll try to do a live again soon.”

“the weather’s nice here in korea— well at least for me,” she chuckles, “it rained recently but it might be hot? in other places so please remember to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.”

“also wear your masks and keep social distancing! we’re not only trying to protect ourselves but we have to stop the spreading of it all so,” taehee gives another small smile at the camera as she reminds the people to be careful, “stay safe.”

after a few beats of silence, taehee speaks again. “okay so, until here is taehee’s nananananana live!” she sings while doing the infamous choreo of ‘go’.

empathy127 I KNEW IT WAS FROM GO !!!!

“good night! or good morning to those who are starting their day right now,” she adds, “goodnight! we’ll see you guys soon.”

taehee does her infamous ily hand gesture and winks at the camera before waving bye and ending the livestream.

#taehee.sns #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #wayv #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct blurbs #nct reactions #nct x reader #nct au #nct female member #nct female addition #kpop female addition #kpop female oc

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vernesatlas · 3 years

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six of crows ships x folklore

i assign songs from miss taylor swift’s folklore album to kanej, wesper and helnik, because pain is infinite and inescapable. (will be changing some of miss swift’s original meanings to fit the ships)

wesper - mirrorball

a song about expectations, insecurities, but also about how there’s a special someone you’ll always shine for. a pure, beautiful song for them but also with a bit of angst.

i'll show you every version of yourself tonight/ i'll get you out on the floor/ shimmering beautiful- they both bring out the best in each other

hush/ when no one is around, my dear/ you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes/ spinning in my highest heels, love/ shining just for you- intimately they both show each other their real selves (e.g. wylan confessing that he has dyslexia, the Scene preceding their first kiss)

i can change everything about me to fit in- jesper is a grisha but he pretends not to be one in order to fit in with the dregs (and also not to get fucking killed but ok) and wylan hides his dyslexia out of fear that he would be shamed

you are not like the regulars/ the masquerade revelers- they are both accustomed to a certain lifestyle; jesper the dirty streets of the staves and wylan the luxurious though unhappy life he lived with his father. and jesper thinking that wylan “looked like he’d fallen into a wrong story, a prince turned pauper”.

helnik - exile

pretty self-explanatory title. by all accounts almost a perfect song for them. describes their relationship after nina’s betrayal and matthias gets locked up in hellgate (nina, probably: oops)

you’re not my homeland anymore/ so what am i defending now?/ you were my town/ now i’m in exile seeing you out- matthias having a big ol’ crisis over his loyalty to his country vs this hot grisha who threw him into jail. him not knowing where his place is anymore

i’m not your problem anymore/ so who am i offending now?/ you were my crown/ now i’m in exile seeing you out- nina’s persperctive: “ok dumb fjerdan i’m not here to make you angry now u happy?” but still feeling that she has lost something by betraying matthias

all this time/ we’ve always walked a very thin line/ you didn’t even hear me out/ you never gave a warning sign- their relationship as allies being precarious from the start as... well because one of them was a grisha and the other hunts grisha for a living. nina betraying matthias in order to protect matty boy but matthias only being angry (you didn’t even hear me out) and matthias being caught off guard at the moment of betrayal (you never gave a warning sign)

kanej - peace & hoax

ah finally. the reason i made this post. these songs are actually made for them. and i might be cheating a little here since it’s two songs but i always saw them as a combined duo. and also because they’re the saddest songs in the whole album.

peace

but i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/ if your cascade ocean wave blues come- they keep each other “warm” by their own ways, protecting each other from trauma and hurt. “brittle heart” reminds me of kaz so deeply.

all these people think love’s for show/ but i would die for you in secret- seems like something they would say to each other, especially kaz with all his dramatic bullshit.

would it be enough if i could never give you peace?- mostly kaz fearing that his love wasn’t good enough for inej and always fearing that his love for her would put them in danger

give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other- they often sit together in silence, e.g. when kaz is working in his office and inej is outside his window feeding the crows. the intimacy and understanding that they have is perfectly portrayed by this line.

hoax

my twisted knife/ my sleepless night/ my winless fight- all motifs related to kanej. first one obviously inej, the last two pointing to kaz and all his vengeance

don’t want no other shade of blue but you/ no other sadness in the world would do- reminds me of inej saying that she will have kaz without armor or she will not have him at all. they want each other, trauma and all, and nothing else can replace that

my best laid plan/ your sleight of hand- also motifs, this time reminding me of kaz

you know it still hurts underneath my scars/ from when they pulled me apart- both of their traumas hidden under their “scars”, both figuratively and literally.

and thus concludes my post on using my education on writing about fictional people. i would also very much like to do an evermore one. possibly.

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delacyrose224 · 3 years

Text

Long Story Short

-Pairing: guitarist!Jin x reader (named)

-Premise: You've been hurt in past relationships, but there's a goofy guitarist that seems to be passing every test you throw at him. Now what?

-Genre: rock band!AU, fluff with a sprinkle of angst (as always)

-Warnings: cursing, douchebag Namjoon, shirtless Seokjin (which always deserves a warning for heart health)

-Word Count: 4.8k

-Author's Note: This is conclusion to the evermore trilogy/Gold Rush universe. Based off of 'long story short' by Taylor Swift, but once again, you don't need to know the song to enjoy!

*Bzzt bzzt*

You hear the buzzing of your phone from across the room where you’re curled up in a blanket watching tv. Who the heck is calling you on a Saturday morning at 10am? You fling the blanket off yourself and pad over to your bag, fumbling through its contents until you find your phone, angrily screaming your ringtone even louder as you remove it from its hiding place.

Incoming Call: Jin

Uhh...okay. You’d gone out on a date with him a few days ago, and last night you and your best friend had hung out with him and his band. That didn’t explain him calling and interrupting your me time on Saturday morning.

“...hello?”

“Margot?” Jin sounds far away from the receiver for some reason.

“...live and in person. Well, not in person. You know what I mean. What’s up?” you reply, not knowing where this is all going.

“Can’t I call a pretty girl on a Saturday morning because I miss her?” Jin retorts, still sounding far away from the phone. Good thing he’s not here to see the flush creeping onto your cheeks.

“You can, but you literally just saw me last night. Like 12 hours ago, less even. Why do you sound like you’re calling from outer space?”

“You’re on speaker...I guess I should have started the conversation with that bit of information. I’m making the boys brunch because I’m apparently the only one who can cook around here,” you can almost see how hard Jin is rolling his eyes at this statement.

“Hi Jungkook! Hi Yoongi!” you raise your voice to make sure you’re heard in their apartment.

“...hey.” you hear Yoongi close by, followed by Jungkook yelling across the room. “Hey M!! Jin won’t shut up about you, I think he might be in loooooove,” he singsongs.

“And that’s enough of that,” Jin swiftly turns off speakerphone and you can hear him much more clearly all of a sudden.

“Is it true? Are you in loooooove with me?” you mimic Jungkook’s voice.

“Have I ever told you how pretty your singing voice is?” Jin deflects smoothly. You’re so taken aback by the response, you don’t know what to say next.

“As I see I have made you speechless-I tend to have that effect on women-and men, actually...the world is just stunned by my beauty, honestly. No one is immune,” he derails quickly from wherever he was originally going with his sentence, and you giggle.

“Jinnie-you called me at 10am on a Saturday morning, because why…?” you steer the conversation back to where it needs to go.

“Ah yes...I called because I wanted to see if you wanted to cash in on that second date I promised you earlier this week tonight?” he questions.

“I think I would like that,” you smile, remembering your first date three days ago. He had taken you to dinner at a hole in the wall diner where he seemed to know all the elderly waitresses by name, and after the two of you had gone to a drive-in movie.

“Great. I’ll swing by your apartment to pick you up at 7, if that’s okay?” he sounds a little unsure of himself, unusual for him.

“Sounds perfect. Is there anything specific I should wear?”

“Just something casual, nothing fancy. I’ll see you then, pretty girl.”

“See you...oh, and Jinnie?” He hums in response.

“I missed you too,” you smile.

--------------------------------------------------

You flop back down on the couch after hanging up with a smile on your face. Jin’s very sweet, and not quite what you expected. He’s the lead guitarist for the band Gold Rush, who you’ve been a fan of for about half a year. You’d happened to catch them as the opening act for another band you’d gone to see, and immediately had fallen in love with their music. It didn’t hurt that all the band members were cute either...you’d only seen them that one time as an opener, until you’d seen a flier for a show of theirs at The Dynasty, a small local bar. You’d immediately decided to drag your best friend to see them, making it a game with yourself to try and get Jin’s attention, and to your surprise, it had worked. He and the drummer, Jungkook, had asked the two of you to hang out after the show. After grabbing food, Jin had asked for your number and taken you out on a date the next day, eagerly promising you a second the following weekend.

If you were being honest with yourself, Jin fell into the trap of being your ‘type’. He was in a band, could sing and play guitar, and had healthy (bordering on sometimes too much) self-esteem. He reminded you of your ex, Namjoon. Also in a band, also a lead guitarist, also could be full of himself. All Jin was missing was an undercut and a few scattered tattoos. You supposed Jungkook had enough for the two of them combined.

You sigh deeply as you wrap yourself back into your blanket. Namjoon had destroyed you when it came to relationships in some ways, even though he had started off as a rebound from another toxic relationship. He had fallen into all the stereotypical ‘guy in a band’ tropes: his needs were more important than yours, he had cheated on you multiple times with groupies, and he gaslit you when you tried to talk through what was going on. You had put up with his shit for far too long, until your best friend had opened your eyes to how different you’d become. Quiet, less likely to speak your mind, and even less willing to be social. Once you’d left him, you’d felt a giant weight lifted off your shoulders, but it had made you extremely wary of relationships.

Jin was cute, and you didn’t see the harm in a couple of dates. He was funny and talented, and he hadn’t pissed you off yet, which was a win in your book. There’s no way he was actually interested in a real relationship...he was clearly a flirt, as you’d witnessed the night you met when he gave you his guitar pick, and he was too busy. He was in a band that was trying to break into the larger music scene in your city. You’d both have your fun, and move on with your lives.

Right?

--------------------------------------------------

You busy yourself the rest of the day by completing household chores. By the time you’re getting ready for your date, you’ve managed to vacuum, do several loads of laundry, wash the dishes in your sink, and rearrange your bookshelf in your bedroom. You hop in the shower at 5:30, and contemplate your outfit choice while washing your hair. A sundress should work...it’s been warm outside lately, but it’s still cute while being casual. You’ll wear sneakers with it just in case you end up walking somewhere.

You throw on said sundress and sneakers after toweling off, and decide you’ll go for fun accessories-specifically a pair of dinosaur earrings and a crossbody bag in a bright shade of pink, swiping on a lipstick to match. You smile in approval at yourself in the mirror just as you hear a soft knock at the door.

You step into your living room, opening the door to see Jin looking rather nervous. “Hey handsome,” you grin. He’s wearing a pair of dark wash ripped jeans with a lavender hoodie that’s a little too big on him. Cute.

“Hey you...you look nice,” he returns your smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You ready to go?”

“Yep! Where are we going?” you ask as you grab your keys and shut the door, making sure it’s locked behind you.

“Well, I figured we could start with a walk through the park. It’s still light out for a little while, but we might be able to catch the sunset...there’s also a great ice cream stand off one of the trails, so if you want to, we can grab some. After, I figured we could come back to your place and watch a movie, your pick, obviously. Does that sound okay?” he glances over at you as you both take the stairs down to the ground floor of your apartment building, opening the door for you as you reach the outside.

“Hmm…” you pretend to think as you turn to walk the two blocks to the park. Jin’s eyebrows raise, as he quickly jumps to conclusions-that the park was the worst idea you’d ever heard.

“I think it’s perfect. I’ll race you to the park, loser buys the other ice cream!!” You laugh and sprint off in the direction of the park, silently thanking yourself for wearing sneakers.

“You little...oh, come on!” Jin starts running as well, his long legs giving him an advantage as his wide strides let him catch up to you quicker than you thought. You’re neck and neck for most of the second block, sweat starting to form on both your brows.

“You’re...not...beating...me!” You huff, nimbly dodging around a pedestrian walking their dog.

“Oh...really?” Jin breathes out harshly, leaping over someone’s spilled smoothie in the middle of the sidewalk. You can both see the entrance to the park, it should only take a minute more to get there...suddenly, Jin puts on a burst of speed, sprinting his way to the entrance before you can even say anything in protest.

You arrive a few seconds later, huffing and puffing as you place your hands on your knees, trying to catch your breath.

“I believe you were saying something about me not beating you? What was that?” Jin is beaming, his eyes glinting mischievously as he looks down at you.

You still can’t manage to catch your breath enough for a response, so you settle instead for glaring daggers up at him.

“C’mon, loser. I promised you a leisurely walk, so let’s go...even though you already took us both for a run no one asked for,” Jin chuckles, grabbing your hand as you stand up and interlocking your fingers.

Your face warms, and not just from the sprinting. You’re surprised that Jin isn’t annoyed with you for pulling the stunt you just did...it wasn’t like you planned it exactly, but it worked well as a sort of test to see exactly how much nonsense Jin would put up with. So far, more than you thought he would. You smile to yourself.

“What’re you grinning about now? If it’s another race, I give up, you win!” Jin exclaims loudly, drawing stares from several passersby on the trail you’ve chosen.

“Shhh…” you shush him, trying to place a finger in front of his lips. He playfully bites at it before kissing it quickly. Your eyes widen. “People are staring,” you half-whisper, slightly embarrassed.

“...and? Let them stare. I’m on a date with a pretty girl, and I don’t care if the world knows! Isn’t Margot wonderful?!” he raises his voice for the last bit, that mischievous glint back in his eyes. The warmth from earlier returns, creeping even further up your face. You must be entirely red by now by the levels of heat you feel like you’re radiating. Jin takes advantage of your flustered state by taking your other hand and pulling you close. He wraps both arms tightly around you and buries his face in your hair, kissing you lightly on the top of the head. You pull away, eyes widened in wonderment at his actions. Who is this guy? You can’t quite figure him out.

“What? You’re pretty, I’m lucky you’re on a date with me, and I’m an affectionate guy. Sometimes. Well, maybe only with you. But only if you’re okay with it…” Jin rambles. His ears look close to emitting steam with how red they’re turning...you’re glad you’re not the only one being thrown off your game with how this date is going. It’s endearing how he switches so easily between being confident and shy depending on your reactions to him.

“C’mon, Jinnie...I think I owe you some ice cream, right?” you smile as you reach for his hand, leading him further along the trail you were walking along.

You walk along quietly for a bit, the silence only broken when Jin coos over dogs as you pass them. It warms your heart to see just how kind and soft he truly is...not what you expected from your previous experiences with a certain lead guitarist.

As you round a bend in the trail, Jin picks up the pace significantly, forcing you to speed walk to catch up. “Hey, where’s the fire?” you question, legs starting to burn as you attempt to keep pace.

“Huh? Oh sorry, the ice cream stand is just up here, I got excited.” He gestures ahead of the two of you with your intertwined hands. Sure enough, there’s a small ice cream stand a few paces away.

As you walk up, you see that the stand is manned by a kindly looking old woman who looks like she could be your grandmother. “Oh, you two are such a cute couple! How long have you been dating?” she asks.

“Oh, um...this is only our second date,” you answer, feeling slightly awkward.

“Could’ve fooled me! He looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. What can I get you?” Jin coughs suddenly at the old woman’s observation, his ears reddening for the second time that night.

You look over to the menu propped up on the counter of the stand.

Vanilla

Chocolate

Strawberry

Mint Chocolate Chip

Cookies and Cream

“What do you say, Jinnie? Strawberry? Mint Chocolate Chip?”

“If I wanted to have mint flavored anything, I would have just brought my toothpaste with me...mint chocolate chip? How can you think so lowly of me?” he pouts at you, supremely offended that you even suggested such a thing.

“Okayyyyy...didn’t realize you were so picky about ice cream flavors. What do you want, then?” you roll your eyes at him, but not without grinning.

“I’ll take a vanilla cone, thankyouverymuch,” he replies grinning back at you.

“One vanilla cone, and one cookies and cream cone.” You hand the woman cash and she begins to fill your order. Soon after she is handing you both ice cream encased in freshly made waffle cones. You both thank her and continue your walk along the trail. You bite into the top of your ice cream, relishing the coolness in the warm evening that surrounds you.

“...you bite ice cream?” Jin is staring at you open-mouthed in horror.

“Yes? If I just licked it, it would all melt before I could eat it. Don’t judge me!” you glare over at Jin.

“Oh too late for that, sweetheart. First you asked if I wanted mint chocolate chip ice cream, and now I find out you bite your ice cream? What are you, a serial killer?” he raises an eyebrow at you questioningly.

“Wouldn’t you love to know?” you turn menacingly towards him, brandishing your cone like a weapon. “They call me...The Ice Cold Killer. Beware!”

“Ooo, I’m scared. Someone help me,” Jin chuckles, his empty hand raised in surrender as he takes a lick of his ice cream.

“You should be scared, handsome,” you continue walking towards him, raising your cone ever so slightly with each step.

“...what are you doing? Oh no, you don’t!” Just as you go to smush your cone into his face, he grabs both of your wrists. “I think not,” he grins, lowering your hands to the level of your waist.

“Boo, you’re no fun,” you pout, looking up at Jin. When he’s this close, it seems like he’s towering over you...and as you make eye contact, you notice his attention keeps flickering between your eyes and your lips.

“Oh, I can be lots of fun,” he whispers lowly as he leans in closer to you, so close you can feel his breath on your lips. Just as his lips start to ghost over your own, someone clears their throat behind you. You both spring apart, whipping around to see who’s interrupted you.

Tall, dressed in all black, tattoos scattered across both arms. A sneer on his face as he takes he two of you in with his gaze.

Namjoon.

-------------------------------------------

“Well, well, well...how’s it going, Margot? How’d you end up in the middle of the park with this loser?” Namjoon asks. You have no clue why he’s here, and it feels like you’re suddenly trapped in a nightmare. Jin looks confused, glancing between the two of you, trying to figure out how you’re connected.

“Don’t think too hard, lover boy. I can see the steam coming out from your ears with how hard you’re thinking about this-Margot and I used to date.” Namjoon provides, still with that same smirk on his face. Jin’s eyes widen in understanding, but then narrow again as he processes the way he’s being talked to.

“It’s Seokjin, actually. What are you doing here, Kim? Didn’t Gold Rush beat your stupid band in our last exhibition?” Jin spits out harshly.

Namjoon doesn’t deign to give him a response, instead turning back to you. “Margot, really...this is who you went to after me? You know he has no talent, right? Yoongi writes all their songs, and Jungkook is the visual draw for their band. I expected better of you…” he chuckles. “But maybe not...you never did know what was best for you. You let me walk all over you, didn’t you?” he smirks.

Jin moves to reply, but you’re faster. “Yes, I did let you walk all over me and treat me like shit for entirely too long, Namjoon. Thank goodness I had people in my life that cared enough about me to open my eyes to how much of a giant ASSHOLE you were...and Jin? Jin has more talent in his pinky than you’ll have your whole career-I would know because I spent entirely too long going to your boring shows. Jin has treated me better in two dates than you ever have! And how’s this for knowing what’s best for me?”

You stride forward, ice cream cone in hand, until you’re directly in front of Namjoon. Eyes wild, you lift your cone and smash it into his chest. Cookie bits and ice cream smear into his shirt as your waffle cone shatters into pieces on the ground.

“You bitch!” Namjoon roars, rearing back, looking for all the world like he’s about to slap you. Before he can get very far, a large hand wraps tightly around his wrist.

“Leave. Now.” Jin is glaring darkly at Namjoon from behind you. As Namjoon starts to speak, Jin tightens his grip. “I said...leave.”

Namjoon jerks his hand out of Jin’s grip and rubs his wrist where the other man’s hand was. “Fine. You two deserve each other,” he glares as he marches away.

Once Namjoon is out of sight, Jin immediately turns to you. “Margot, are you okay?” he rests his hands on your shoulders, looking into your eyes.

You’re frozen in place, still shocked at everything that just happened.

“...I just smashed an ice cream cone on Kim Namjoon…” you utter softly.

“Yes, you did. And it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, if I’m being honest.” Jin rubs the back of his neck sheepishly with one hand, chuckling.

His comment brings you back into the moment. “Everything that just happened, and that’s all you can think of?” you ask him in disbelief.

“Not all!” Jin retorts. “I have a lot of thoughts right now: 1. How did the two of you ever date? 2. Why am I not surprised that he’s a giant asshole? He always is the worst any time we play shows at the same venue. 3. Yeah, my third thought is that you standing your ground and giving him what he deserves is hot, so sue me.”

You laugh. “Three thoughts isn’t a lot of thoughts, but yes, we did date a while, biggest mistake of my life. I fell for the tortured, tattooed lead guitarist thing.”

“Should I get tattoos then? I mean, I thought I was handsome enough as is, but if this,” he gestures at himself, “isn’t enough, then I’m happy to oblige. Your name in a heart with an arrow through it? A skull with a snake around it? You say the word, beautiful, I’ll do it.” he smirks playfully at you.

“Be careful what you wish for, or you’ll end up with a tattoo on your ass,” you giggle as you elbow him.

His eyes widen in momentary fear. “I’m kidding, silly. Let’s go back to my place and watch a movie.”

The two of you walk hand in hand through the rest of the park, Jin passing you his ice cream cone to share since yours ended up destroyed.

“I guess you really are The Ice Cold Killer...of ice cream cones, that is,” he remarks as you walk through the exit and head back to your apartment.

“I told you you should be scared.”

--------------------------------------------------

You both sink down into your couch once you arrive at your apartment, Jin placing a blanket over the two of you.

“So, what’s the feature presentation this evening?” he queries, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“Moulin Rouge!” you happily reply to his chagrin.

“...isn’t that a musical?” he asks, to which you nod in the affirmative.

“Is that a problem?” You knew that musicals were another one of your tests for the guys you dated. You did honestly enjoy them, but you needed to know if the men you dated would put up with them.

“Nope. I mean, I don’t think I would pick one, but I said it’s your choice. Plus, you’re the one who destroyed a douchebag tonight, so your pick is definitely earned.” He settles back into the couch as the movie starts to play, and you place your head on his shoulder. It fits perfectly into the crook of his neck, and the smell of his laundry detergent mixed with the park you just walked through is extremely comforting. So comforting in fact, you can feel your eyelids getting heavy about a third of the way through the movie.

The lack of background noise is what slowly wakes you up...the movie must be over. When did you fall asleep? You lift your head off of Jin’s shoulder, only to see he has remnants of tears on his face.

“Jinnie? What’s wrong?”

“Oh, you’re awake,” he says, quickly swiping at his face to remove any lingering evidence of his tears. “I...I cried at the end of the movie, that’s all. Satine died! Musicals are supposed to be happy-I’m appalled!”

Your heart feels like it’s blooming with all the warmth that’s spreading through your chest as you look at the man beside you. As you begin to say something in response, your eyes catch the digital clock blinking from your microwave across the room. 12:30AM.

“Oh, it’s late...do you want to stay over so you don’t have to go across town at this time? The busses stop running soon anyway.” Jin’s eyes grow wide at your question.

“N-Not like that! I meant to sleep, just sleep. Only if you want to!” You bury your face in your hands in embarrassment.

Jin reaches out and removes your hands from your face, tilting your chin up with his finger so you make eye contact with him.

“I’d love to,” he smiles softly at you, his hand remaining on your chin, pulling you slowly closer to him as he moves closer to you as well. Your faces are inches apart again, his breath ghosting over your lips.

“Is this okay?” he breathes.

You grab the sides of his face in response, crushing your lips to his. He is impossibly soft, and warm. His hands wrap around your back again, tenderly bringing you as close as he can to himself. He’s holding you as if you are tethering him to Earth, like you are what hung the stars in the sky. You sigh into the kiss, and he takes that as a cue to deepen the kiss further. He’s more insistent, holding you tighter. Before it can get too heated, you break apart for air.

“Sorry I got a little carried away,” he chuckles, gently pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. You laugh as you clearly get a look at his face.

“What?” he pouts at you.

“Come here.” You stand up, pulling him with you to the bathroom attached to your bedroom. You flip the light on, positioning him in front of the mirror. As both of your eyes adjust to the extra light, his widen impossibly-he’s got pink lipstick messily smeared around his mouth from kissing you.

“So much for world wide handsome, huh?” you laugh.

He turns towards you. “I’ll have you know, I am handsome no matter what I look like!” he huffs indignantly. Nevertheless, he turns the faucet on and starts to wipe away the makeup.

You leave him to get ready for bed in the bathroom while you trudge to your closet to find something to change into, settling for an oversized tee with shorts. As you close the door behind you, Jin leaves the bathroom in only his boxers. Your eyes become wide as saucers as you notice his lack of clothing in addition to how in shape he is.

“Oh, um...sorry, I usually just sleep in these. I can put my shirt back on if I need to?” he questions shyly.

“No, you’re fine, I just don’t normally have half naked men walking around my apartment,” you laugh quietly.

Jin climbs into your bed and starts to scroll through his phone as you head into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed yourself. You climb in beside him ten minutes later, turning your lamp off and staring up at the ceiling...you’re not sure exactly how this is supposed to go. You’re not in a relationship, but you’re in the same bed, and he had seen you completely lose your cool on your ex. What was even appropriate in this situation?

After what feels like an indeterminate amount of silence, Jin speaks into the dark.

“So...what exactly happened with you and Namjoon?” he sounds nervous, his voice much quieter than normal.

You sigh. “We met after one of his shows. He was charming at first, but then he started making everything about him and his band. Then he cheated on me. Three times. Gaslit me when I tried to talk to him about it. Long story short, it was a bad time,” you grimace, even though you know Jin can’t see you.

“...come here.”

You’re surprised that this is his response, but you comply by scooting next to him. He wraps an arm around you and squeezes tightly.

“You know I would never do any of those things, right?” He looks down at you with such warmth in his eyes, you can’t help but fold even further into him, your head on his bare chest.

“...I know,” you whisper, body still tense from talking about your ex. Jin traces shapes onto your back, helping you slow your breathing and relax.

Just as you’re about to fall asleep, Jin’s voice vibrates through his chest beneath you.

“I can’t believe my girlfriend is The Ice Cold Killer…” His own statement amuses him so much, his squeaky windshield wiper laugh makes an appearance.

“Hey! Who said anything about me being your girlfriend?” You prop yourself up enough to look him in the eyes.

“Oh please, if you thought after tonight I wouldn’t try to take you off the market, you are sorely mistaken...you’re perfect, pretty lady.” He smiles at you, faltering once he sees you raise your eyebrows at him.

“...only if you want to be my girlfriend, of course,” he adds softly.

You narrow your eyes at him. “I’m not perfect,” you state simply, lowering yourself back down onto his chest. Namjoon had made sure you knew that much.

“You’re perfect to me.” Jin leans down to place a tender kiss on top of your head.

You look back up at him. “You know you’re going to have to be one of my henchmen now, right? The Ice Cold Killer can’t do everything on her own.”

“Oh, I know. I plan on starting henchman duties in the morning when I make us pancakes, love.” Jin smiles softly down at you as you attempt to snuggle even closer.

It’s only the second date...but Jin feels like home. Maybe you’ll survive this relationship after all.

#seokjin fanfic #seokjin x you #jin x reader #jin x yn #bts fluff #bts one shot #bts rock band au #seokjin x reader #jin x you #jin fanfic #jin fluff #seokjin fluff #seokjin x yn

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got-svt · 3 years

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it could’ve been you

summary: it’s jinyoung’s engagement party and you find yourself wondering what could’ve been if you had said yes to his proposal years ago. pairing: park jinyoung x reader (+ some platonic!jackson x reader) genre: angst word count: 2076

part of my tales from the lakes series inspired by taylor swift’s champagne problems

Jackson had been kind enough to ask you to be his date for tonight. “As friends, obviously,” he quickly added once he noticed the panicked look in your eyes. He insisted, claiming that you needed a bit of extra support if you were to make it out of that party in one piece. Maybe he was exaggerating, but you knew he cared for you. So, as you rolled your eyes and lightly hit his chest at his antics, you agreed. Jackson clapped his hands together and gave you the biggest, most reassuring grin he could muster, “Great! I’ll pick you up at seven.”

You didn’t tell him, but you were grateful.

Because as you stepped inside the lavish restaurant that Jinyoung had rented out for the occasion, you became vaguely aware that all eyes were on you. You smoothed out the non-existent creases on your most expensive outfit as you avoided their eyes. Jackson sensed your anxiousness and took your hand in his, leading you away from their judgemental gazes to a table where Yugyeom and Bambam greeted you with a smile.

“Yn!” Bambam engulfed you in a bone crushing hug, “I’ve missed you so much.”

You let out a breath as he released you from his grip, “I’ve missed you too.”

“We saw each other last week,” Yugyeom said, looking at you and Bambam in confusion, “what are you talking about?”

“A week is too long.” Bambam joked, gently bumping his hip into yours.

Yugyeom was about to open his mouth to retaliate when people started crowding around the large entryway, catching all of your attentions. All four of you make your way to where everyone else was, meeting up with Mark, Jaebeom, and Youngjae in the process.

“What’s everyone gathered around for?” You asked to no one in particular.

“The man of the hour has finally arrived.” Mark replied, but his eyes were elsewhere, and you couldn’t exactly blame him.

Jinyoung walked in, handsome as ever, hair swooped back and in a fitted black tux. All smiles, eyes crinkling as he looked around the room. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight before it clenched as memories of him dressing that way for you entered your memory.

Beside him was the most beautiful woman you had ever laid eyes upon. You had never seen her in person before, only on a screen as she acted alongside Jinyoung in several of his dramas. You hated to admit it, but she looked more radiant in real life. The cameras did not do any justice to her already perfect skin, shiny dark hair, and adorable button nose.

You forced yourself to look away when everyone in the room called out for them to kiss.

That could’ve been you.

___

You had been there for him since day one.

From the day his family moved into your neighborhood, into the house next to yours. He was the one to approach you first, to the shock of those you tell the story to. It wasn’t that Jinyoung was awfully shy or terribly picky, he just usually preferred his own company to that of others. But when ten year old him saw you at tumbling around in your front yard, something in him knew he had to talk to you.

You had been the one to encourage him to audition at JYP, recognizing his talent even before he did himself. You helped him practice in his bedroom, learning choreography and singing songs alongside him. And when you tackled him with a hug at the news that he passed the audition, warmth and happiness radiating from your body, he knew he loved you.

You were the first person who was able to sneak into their dorms. It was almost midnight and you wore anything you thought helped conceal your identity: sunglasses, a mask, and a hat. He met you at the backdoor and immediately ushered you inside, introducing you to the people that would, alongside him, eventually be got7. The members immediately loved you, which in turn only made him fall for you more.

You were there at the front row during got7′s very first concert. A sign in your hand that declared your love for him. He spotted you in the crowd immediately, heart jumping as he read the sign, which caused him to stagger on some of the lyrics he was singing. You and him had been friends for years. What exactly gave you the courage to be the first one to confess, he never figured out. But he was grateful nonetheless when you met him at his dressing room with a kiss.

You never would have thought that someday you’d have to watch him get married to someone else.

___

Jinyoung never thought that you would actually come, especially given your history. Truth be told, the invite was more of a courtesy rather than an actual invitation. You were no longer lovers, now reluctant friends. If it had not been for the rest of the members, he would’ve lost contact with you altogether.

Still, his feet seemed to have a mind of their own when they lead themselves straight to you— skipping his family and friends. He tried to tell himself to turn back, maybe talk to his future mother-in-law instead. But it was too late, he now stood a few feet in front of you, hands in his pockets with a small smile on his features, “Hi.”

“Your bowtie is crooked.”

“What?” He uttered out, eyes alight with confusion.

You let out a small chuckle and pointed at the black fabric, “I would fix it for you, but you know—”

Jinyoung looked around the room to see some of the guests watching the both of you, quickly looking away once his gaze met theirs. His hands left his pockets to fix his bowtie, “Ah. I see. Thank you.”

You both looked down, as if the soles of your shoes had suddenly become a point of interest, completely unsure of what to say. The rest of the members always made it a point to no longer leave the two of you alone, for fear of tension and the unavoidable awkward silence. Yet here you two were, without Bambam, Jaebeom, or anyone else to save either of you.

“What happened to us?” You asked once the silence became too deafening for you to bear. It was never this hard for you two to hold a conversation, more often than not people would have had to physically restrain you from talking. Now, you couldn’t even look at each other in the eyes. “How— why did we end up like this?”

For a brief moment, quicker than a flash of lighting, his guard went crumbling down. For the first time in years, he let you see the effect you truly had on him. His tone was calm, but not devoid of emotion. Jinyoung wanted you to hear the sincerity, the vulnerability in his voice, “You said no.”

____

Jinyoung had spent months preparing, but he always knew he wanted to propose. He rented out the restaurant you had your first date in, where you spent each and every one of your anniversaries. He brought a bouquet of your favorite flowers and bought a brand new suit. He asked help from his family, his members, even JYP himself. He spent several nights composing the perfect speech, sacrificing sleep for endless revising.

But he should’ve known something was wrong when your hand slipped from his as he lead you through a slow dance. When you just picked at your favorite food instead of eating. When you could only give him curt replies to his stories and questions. His mother’s ring was in his pocket, but it started feeling unusually heavy. He assumed it was just his nerves getting the better of him.

Jinyoung knew something was wrong when you stopped him from getting down on one knee. When you said no before he could even ask.

____

“You never gave me a reason, you know?”

It had been three years since he proposed to you, well, tried to. Yet he still couldn’t figure out what prompted you to say no. You had always been on the same page as him, in fact that was what he loved about your relationship the most. Were you just not ready? Or was it because you couldn’t handle being married to an idol? But he would’ve waited, and he was fine with keeping your relationship a secret. He may have even preferred it that way, and when you left him standing that faithful night, he began to question everything he thought he knew about the both of you. But that was years ago, all he wanted now was an answer. For you to give him one good reason.

“I still can’t.”

____

All the guests had gathered around the center of the room. Chairs and tables had been moved to the side for a makeshift dance floor. The string quartet began playing, the notes guiding Jinyoung as he lead his fiancee in the most elegant waltz. Their happiness undeniable as they glided across the room like they were always meant to dance with the other. Their eyes glued to each other, uncaring of the tens of people watching their every move.

“That could’ve been you.” Yugyeom whispered, earning himself an elbow in the stomach from Jackson. He doubled over in pain before letting out in a strangled whisper, “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

But he was right, it could’ve been you.

The one who wore his mom’s ring on her left ring finger. The one he twirled around the room, earning everyone’s quiet swoons of adoration. The one who gripped his hand tightly as they become illuminated by the soft glow of the chandelier. The one whose picture he carried in his wallet. The one he whispered ‘I love you’ to as he ended the dance with a dip, drowning out the room’s applause with a kiss.

It should’ve been you.

But you said no, and you could give neither him nor yourself a reason. Maybe you couldn’t handle the life that came with being married to someone like him. You weren’t an idol, nor an actress. You were an outsider and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be in. Maybe you just weren’t ready to get married. You were so young when he attempted to ask. Maybe you didn’t want to get married at all. The thought of marriage hadn’t even crossed your mind until he started getting down on one knee. Or maybe you were just afraid. Afraid that you weren’t deserving of his love. Afraid that someone else would come along and sweep him of his feet.

And someone else did come along because here she was in front of you, wrapped up in his arms, blissfully unaware of exactly how lucky she was to be with him.

“I should go.” You muttered, though it was directed at no one in particular, unsure if anyone had even heard. But Jackson did.

“You sure?” He asked, “Let me give you a ride home at least.”

“No, please, stay.” You protest, shaking your head furiously, “Enjoy the party. I’m sure Jinyoung will be looking for you later.”

“Yn—” Jackson protested, gripping your wrist to stop you from leaving. His gaze was intense, almost challenging. But you had known him long enough to grown immune.

You try to shake his hand off, offering him a smile to convince him you were fine with leaving alone, “It’s okay, I’ll just take the train. Or get a cab”

He stared you down, eyes scanning your face as he searched for any sign of reluctance or uncertainty, but he eventually let out a sigh when he realized there was no stopping you. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

You nod, reaching up to hug him before whispering, “Thank you.”

The rest of the members said their goodbyes with a hug, promising to see you soon. You knew they meant it.

As you went to the exit, something in you begged you to turn around, to give one last look around the room before you left. And so you did, only to find Jinyoung already looking back at you.

“I’m sorry.” You mouth, unsure if he could even see it.

But he smiled, giving you a small nod before he turned to face his fiancee; turning away from you.

#got7 #got7 jinyoung #got7 x reader #jinyoung x reader #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #park jinyoung #jinyoung imagines #got7 oneshot #got7 reactions #got7 angst #got7 jinyoung x reader #got7 jinyoung imagines #park jinyoung x reader

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kaylorrehabcenter · 3 years

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Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song.

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five.

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it.

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel.

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated.

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn.

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade.

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be.

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute.

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight.

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

#long post //#fearless the album #gaylor #what do i tag this for it to show up for peope??#gay rating

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miracleonice87 · 4 years

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Begin Again

a Mathew Barzal song fic

a/n: a one shot based on “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. obviously I don’t own any of Taylor Swift’s music/lyrics! I’m not even a big Swiftie anymore (edited: lol dying bc I wrote that before she released folklore and evermore and sucked me RIGHT back in) but I love her “Red” album and always listen to it in the fall. also, the NYC traffic/parking/location situation in this is purely fantasy BS, lol.

summary: Mat Barzal meets Hayden Parker (fictional) in a coffee shop, and they start something new.

warnings: swearing. talk of a concussion/migraines/weight loss — otherwise, complete and total fluff.

______

With a deep breath, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror hanging near your front door before you left your Brooklyn apartment. You hadn’t worn these heels for several seasons now — he hadn’t liked it when you wore high heels. You had let his opinions — on your clothes, shoes, music, books, movies, and friends — dictate how you lived for too long. You smirked now, admiring how the pointed-toe snakeskin stilettos looked paired with your raw cut black jeans and silky pink blouse. He would’ve hated this look (“too gaudy,” he would have said), which made you love it that much more.

You popped in one AirPod and flipped the inside lock on your door before pulling it closed. You made your way down the hall as the lyrics started to flow.

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range

His horse and his cattle are his only companions...

You fought the urge to roll your eyes thinking about your former flame’s constant unwarranted comments about this classic ballad which often wafted through your apartment from the record player in the living room.

“I don’t get this song — like, is he singing to himself?” he would ask. You never bothered to tell him the real background and meaning — you loved the song, and you got it. You always had.

Emerging from the main entrance of your building, you hummed along to melodies from your favorite playlist, and walked the three or so blocks to your destination. Soon, you were stepping in from the bustle of the street to find solace in an only-slightly less busy coffee shop, one you had come to frequent because of its location — sandwiched within the six blocks between your apartment and the fashion magazine where you were interning this semester.

“Hi, one large double shot mocha, please?” you requested, stepping up after the man in front of you paid for his order. You tapped your AirPod to pause your music, just in time to hear: “Nice shoes.”

You lifted your head and glanced toward the pick-up section of the counter, where a classically handsome man in his twenties stood donning a well-tailored navy blue suit. Your heart lurched in your chest as you realized he was looking straight at you.

“Me?” you inquired softly, just to be sure, as you slipped your bank card back into your wallet. He nodded, smiling. “Yes, you. Nice shoes.”

You bit your lip involuntarily, slowly walking his way to wait on your coffee. “Thanks. You’ve got nice style yourself,” you complimented, and you were surprised by your own boldness in that moment. Something about his confidence made you confident, too. And something about his model good looks seemed unsettlingly familiar somehow.

He extended his hand as you took your position next to him. “I’m Mat,” he greeted. You couldn’t help but smile, nearly breathless from his innate charm.

“Hi, Mat,” you replied, engaging his handshake. “I’m Hayden.”

“Hayden. Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Mat mused, holding onto your hand for just a moment longer than was customary. You knew it was silly — God, was it silly — but you felt yourself blush at his flattery.

“Large Americano,” a barista called out. Mat stepped forward, thanking her and stuffing a bill — you couldn’t help but notice that it was a large one — into the tip jar atop the glass pastry display. He turned back to you as he unfastened the lid and blew gently on his coffee. Another thing you couldn’t help but notice — his perfect pink lips.

“So, Hayden, are you a native New Yorker?”

Hmm, you thought. Why isn’t he running for the door after getting his drink? You decided to play along, feeling more daring than you had in ages.

“I am not,” you confessed. “I’m from Maine, actually.”

“Ah, still an East Coast girl,” Mat remarked with a grin. “I’m from the West — near Vancouver.”

You arched your brows. “Wow, Canadian, huh?” Mat chuckled.

“Born and raised. You know what they say, though: opposites attract,” he commented, hazel eyes piercing into you even as he took a cautious sip from his cup. You studied his face — he seemed more familiar with each word he spoke.

“They do say that, don’t they?” you retorted, skirting his inference. Just then, the barista set your mocha on the counter.

“Thank you so much,” you said, also pushing a tip into the jar, thankful that Mat’s attention was on grabbing a cup sleeve from the island nearby instead of on the much smaller bills you had to offer the staff.

You turned toward the island, too, reaching for the cinnamon. Mat offered you a sleeve as if it was second nature, and you graciously accepted, trying to relax the muscles on your face that seemed to have permanently turned upward into a smile since you’d been in the man’s presence.

Suddenly, you gasped.

“Islanders,” you whispered under your breath as Mat watched you stir your cinnamon into your drink. He froze.

“What?” he asked with a nervous laugh, wondering if he had heard you correctly. Your eyes darted around, making sure no one within earshot was paying attention.

“You play for the Islanders. Right?” you asked softly. He nodded, silent, ducking his head a bit; you began to backpedal.

“Oh, God... I didn’t mean - I, uh... I promise I’m not like a hockey fangirl, or anything,” you choked out, cheeks flushed. Your hands started to shake slightly as you replaced the lid on your to-go cup. “I just, uh, my brother. My brother played hockey. He always talked about you, and, uh, I just realized that that’s why I recognized you.” You winced.

“This... this isn’t as weird as it sounds, I swear,” you insisted. “It’s just that, my brother played in the Q. He was good, and, uh, I knew about all the other good hockey players, because of him.”

Mat’s demeanor had quickly changed — from slightly uncomfortable to giddy. He was smirking at you while you sputtered, taking a sort of masochistic pleasure in watching you squirm. His grin was infectious.

“What’s your last name?” he asked when you finally stopped talking. “Parker,” you responded, the two of you stepping away from the island and taking up residence near the front windows of the cafe.

“Parker... Parker,” he repeated. You were distracted by how good your name sounded falling from his tongue. Then, he gasped, too.

“Oh shit, your brother’s Nick Parker? Damn, how’s he doing?”

Your brow quirked as you watched the light flicker on in his eyes when he pieced it together. A National Hockey League star recognized your brother’s name, your name. What the hell was happening?

You cleared your throat, attempting to come back into orbit. “Uh, yeah, he’s good now. He, uh... it was a battle there for a couple years. He had migraines every day for about 16 months... lost a lot of weight. It was... it was tough,” you told him, your voice lowering noticeably. Mat watched you carefully, concern written all over his striking features. It was evident that Mat knew your brother’s story.

Your older brother Nick had been a top 20 prospect in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League as a teen, playing forward for the Halifax Mooseheads. But after a nasty late hit during a playoff game, he had been left with a debilitating concussion and, after a long period of unsuccessful rehab, had been forced to walk away from the game just as he was entering his prime.

Those troubling days hung like a thick, black fog over your family’s history, and you suddenly recalled being 15 again, cross-legged outside Nick’s bedroom door for hours, begging him to let you into the dark room to hold onto him as he cried, both because of the pain and because of the weight of his unrealized dreams. It had taken countless neurologist appointments, physical therapy, and your parents’ unwavering insistence that he regularly see a sports psychologist for him to return to some semblance of normalcy after a long road to recovery.

Now, minus the occasional treatable migraine, Nick was thriving. You beamed at the thought, your well-polished black nail picking at the corner of the cup sleeve on your mocha as you looked back to Mat and continued.

“But he’s finishing law school now, seeing a therapist and keeps himself in great shape, which helps. He’s getting married next summer to this great girl,” you finished, pride swelling in your chest at how far your brother had come. Mat’s eyebrows lifted, his worried expression morphing into elation.

“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Damn, I’m so happy for him. Tell you what, lotta guys wanted nothing to do with him when he was tearing it up. And we were all gutted for him after it happened.” You gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks,” you said softly. “I’ll have to let him know you said that.” Mat nodded, then pressed on. “Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell him myself one day,” he added brazenly, casually taking another sip.

No response came to your brain, so you curled your fingers around your own cup and took a long draw, eyes darting to the activity outside the window, Mat’s never leaving your unsure face.

The church bells chiming from a nearby steeple were the only thing that could pull Mat’s gaze from you, as he checked his large-face Rolex. He seemed angered by the time staring back at him, and he ran his hand aggressively through his hair as his eyes rolled just slightly.

“Listen, Hayden, I hate to do this,” Mat began with a sigh. “But we’ve got a game in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and the team plane leaves in like half an hour.”

You’re surprised by how deflated you feel in that instant, casting a downward glance at the shoes Mat had complimented only minutes ago, before you’d started feeling like maybe you’d known him your whole life.

A quiet, “Oh,” was all you could muster, still not meeting his eyes.

His hand then came to rest on your upper arm, and it’s only then that you noticed how big it was, long fingers curling easily around your bicep.

“But hey... I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Whaddya say we grab coffee here the next morning? Wednesday. Maybe 8?”

You turned your eyes upward to take in his face. He looked hopeful. He was hopeful that he’d see you again.

You nodded. “I’d love to, Mat. I’ll meet you here.”

Mat beamed, a relieved breath falling from his lips. “Good,” he commented. “I’ll see you then.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, leaving you reeling when he pulled away.

“Bye, pretty Hayden,” Mat said with a wink before turning and exiting the coffee shop, walking down the block to the Cadillac he’d just unlocked. He was still in sight when he glanced over his shoulder and threw you another breathtaking grin. You smiled back, frozen in place as you watched him drive away.

_____

Mat was going to be late.

At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself at some point within the last 48 hours.

He was either going to be late or he was going to stand you up altogether. So even though you woke up at 5:30 and initially felt the need to rush through your routine to get down to the coffee shop as quickly as possible, you didn’t. You forced yourself to slow down. Because Mat was going to be late. Or, he wasn’t going to be there at all.

So you were surprised when, after throwing on a red chiffon dress with tiny white flowers and a cognac leather jacket, you walked through the coffee shop door at 8:02 and heard, “Hayden!”

Your head snapped up.

At a corner table in the back of the shop was Mat, dressed in a smart grey sweater and distressed black jeans, a silver chain looped around his neck, standing to wave you over with a broad smile across his face.

He came. And he’d arrived before you did.

You walked over to Mat and he embraced you warmly, the two of you exchanging kisses on the cheek. He squeezed your elbow affectionately as you stepped back from him.

“Oh, here. Let me,” Mat said as he pulled your chair out and motioned for you to sit.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, his chivalry catching you by surprise. Once you were seated, he pushed your chair in slightly before taking his place across the table from you.

“I got you a mocha,” he told you, nodding at the cup in front of you. “Double shot, right?”

You nodded. “You’re sweet. Thank you,” you said, the two of you beaming at each other for a moment, lost in a daze.

“So how was the game?” you inquired, pulling you both back to earth. Mat cleared his throat before answering you.

“It was good! We won. It’s usually a tough battle with them but we kinda dominated, which was nice for a change,” he spoke, looking pleased.

“You score?” you asked teasingly as you sipped from your cup.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” he told you with a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Two goals and an assist.”

Your eyebrows lifted on your forehead. “Mat, that’s amazing! So my brother was right. You are good.”

Mat shook his head, trying to shrug you off.

“Ah, nah. I kinda think it had more to do with a good luck charm I met this week,” he remarked slyly. You licked your bottom lip before biting on it gently. Mat took notice, mirroring your motions as he stared at your lips.

“So, how’s work been this week?” It was Mat’s turn to deflect.

You told him how hectic it had been, with you arriving at the office around 9 and leaving at 6 on the day you’d first met, then departing after 7 yesterday, despite it being only a part-time internship in addition to the five classes you were taking online. He asked about your combination of on-campus and online learning throughout your college career in order to accommodate your dream internships, and he was already in awe of what a hard worker you were.

You pointed out that you weren’t the only one at the table with a crazy schedule, and you asked him how he balanced hockey with his personal life. He answered you easily, launching into stories about his teammates and his family and his friends who all kept him grounded in different ways. There was one name he kept bringing up — Tito. He told you that you’d have to meet him. Before you could hesitate, you said you’d like to. His visage brightened at that answer. He reminded you of sunshine.

He continued to regale you with a vast array of stories, stopping often to ask you questions and invite you to tell him stories of your own. It took a bit of time, but soon you were opening up about your own life — your parents’ recent and shocking divorce after 30 years of marriage, and your struggle with your grandmother’s death last fall.

It wasn’t all dark, though. In fact, most of it wasn’t. You also told him about the crazy theater actor roommate you’d had when you first moved into the city to study fashion at NYU, and how her frightening antics had eventually pushed you into accepting your uncle’s offer to pay for your own apartment in the city, as he was single and childless and had always delighted in spoiling you and your brother. You told him about your only two cousins on your dad’s side, two siblings bracketing you and your brother in age, and how the four of you were more like siblings than cousins. You told a slightly off-color joke at your own expense that most of your friends and coworkers would never laugh at, but it left Mat breathless, throwing his head back with boyish giggles flowing from his mouth like your favorite song. This caught you off-guard — you couldn’t believe he actually seemed to think you were funny. The last one certainly never did.

At some point, the conversation shifted to music. Mat’s jaw dropped when you told him that you own every James Taylor album on vinyl, after he told you that that’s one of his favorite artists of all time. He said he’s never met anyone who has as many James Taylor records as you. You simply shrugged. You explained that you and your mom have seen every tour James Taylor has been on since you were eleven and had started playing guitar. Mat’s eyes went wide — he told you that he dabbles in guitar, too.

After this, you quieted a bit. He noticed. It comes off to him as shyness, but you know what it really is. It’s fear. All at once you realize just how far you’ve let your guard down with this stranger. You’ve only just met this person, yet you have more in common with him than anyone you’ve encountered since moving into the city.

He sensed that something was off, so, in the silence, he reached a hand across the table and took yours in his grasp, stroking the back of it with his thumb. You looked into his mesmerizing eyes, and your hesitance melted.

After several more minutes of easy conversation, you check the time. You need to be at work in ten minutes.

“I’m sorry to be the one to break this up this time,” you started, and Mat sat back, looking understanding though disappointed. “But I’ve gotta get to work. Thankfully, it’s just right down the street.”

“Let me walk you,” Mat quickly insisted. You smirked at him, digging in your purse to find your office key.

“Didn’t you drive here?” you asked, chuckling. He simply shrugged. “Yeah, but if pretty Hayden works just down the street, I might as well walk her to the office and spend a few extra minutes with her,” he told you with a smug grin. You felt your cheeks get hot.

“Sounds good to me,” you admitted quietly. Mat nodded, then rose from his chair, reaching for his wallet to leave another tip.

“Thank you,” you said, putting your hand on his forearm tenderly. “For the coffee. For this.”

He smiled down at you. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

The two of you walked out the cafe door, which Mat pushed open even from behind you. You pointed in the direction of your office building and the two of you fell into step, side by side. Your heart leapt when Mat reaches for your hand. It felt unbelievably natural — which terrified you.

Your recent relationship history flashed through your brain all at once, like a film reel. Your brain screamed, “Slow down!” while your heart whispered, “Relax.” You weren’t sure which to believe. You opened your mouth to bring him up, to give a fair warning, to tell Mat that you might not be ready for... whatever this was.

Then, he started to talk about the movies that his family watches every single Christmas. You weren’t at all sure what had brought that subject to his mind — maybe your earlier questions about his younger sister back in Coquitlam — but you’re grateful for the diversion from your own messy mind. You decided to engage him on that topic instead, rather than bring up your last boyfriend who’d shattered you then walked away.

And for the first time in eight months, you decided to leave what’s past, in the past.

Like a pinball machine, Mat had already bounced to yet another new topic — his practice later this morning. As he finished a story about pranking Tito in the locker room after a skate last week, you bubbled over with giggles. He watched you with admiration and wonder coursing through his entire being. You eventually observed how he was gazing at you, and you sensed that he had something more important to say than his joke on his teammate.

“Hey, so, uh,” Mat started, clearing his throat. Your suspicion had been correct. “What are you doing tomorrow night, after work? We have a home game tomorrow at 7:30 and I, uh, I wanted to see if maybe... you wanted to go? I requested a ticket for you... just in case you want it. If you do... I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner after?”

The sentences Mat spoke seemed to be rolled into one giant question mark. His unwavering self-assurance had seemed to falter slightly for the first time since you’d met him, surprising you. You only needed a moment to consider your answer.

“I’d love to come watch you play,” you told him, wrapping your hands around his upper arm affectionately. You watched him exhale, a smile slowly overtaking his face.

“Thank God,” Mat breathed, making you both burst into hysterics as he leaned his head down to touch yours for a moment.

Bewilderment overcame you as you realized that you hadn’t felt this way about anyone in... you couldn’t even remember how long. You’d thought it might never happen again. That for you, this feeling might just be... gone.

You couldn’t believe that on a Wednesday, in a cafe, you’d watched it begin again.

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whorefordean · 4 years

Text

lover x e.d

song fic based on the song lover by taylor swift

wc: 2.4k

pairing: ethan dolan x reader

warnings: a few cuss words and a dirty(ish) joke

requested: yes

a/n I would like to sincerely apologize for not posting a fic or anything in months!! I have so many requests from June/July and I’m so sorry! I promise I am going to try to write some more soon!! Anyways, enjoy!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

We could leave the christmas lights up ‘til january

This is our place, we make the rules

You were struggling with Ethan. You had been begging him for months to do it. But ever since you and Ethan got your own place, he had always talked about how your home needed character. Which is why you were trying to force him to get up now.

“Ethan c’mon. We have to take them down today!” You scolded while pulling Ethan’s arm, trying to get him off the couch.

“Why can’t we leave them up?” Ethan whined, not budging from his spot. You groaned.

“For how much longer, Eth?” You questioned.

“Til January,” Ethan shrugged. You laughed loudly, dropping his arm to cross yours across your chest.

“It’s July, Ethan,” You pointed out.

“We make the rules, babe,” Ethan smirked.

You sighed and flopped back down beside your boyfriend.

“I can’t believe you,” You mumbled out.

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Ethan wasn’t always like that, though. Before you guys had gotten close, and into a relationship, Ethan was more lowkey about expressing himself. It was alluring, really. He was so mysterious and closed off when you met him at the beach one night.

“Shit, sorry,” he said. You just laughed and shrugged. The guy laughed awkwardly, trying to recovers from the trip he had just taken into your side.

“It’s cool. We haven’t even met, and you’re already falling for me,” you teased the boy in front of you. He laughed nervously, and you were quick to notice the blush across his face.

“Y/n,” you introduced, extending your hand out for him to shake.

“Ethan,” the boy smiled, shaking your hand gently.

The two of you talked for hours that night. You watched the sunrise together.

“Can I tell you something, but you can’t laugh at me?” Ethan asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that settled over the two of you.

“Already in love with me, E? I just met you a few hours ago,” you teased. Ethan laughed softly.

“Wow, you really do know everything about me now, don’t you?” Ethan joked back.

The two of you laughed together for a moment.

“Honestly, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, y/n,” Ethan confessed as you settled down.

“Ditto.”

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

“Wanna hang out?” you asked Ethan through the phone.

“I have to run errands today,” Ethan responded. You could hear the gloom in his voice, and your shoulders slumped.

“Can I come with?” You asked hesitantly. You waited in silence for a few seconds. Just as you were about to shut down your own idea, Ethan answered.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

So, ten minutes later, you were sitting in the passenger seat of his car on the way to the grocery store.

You both spent an hour annoying each other and trying to embarrass the other in the store. After nearly getting kicked out, you and Ethan were walking back to the car with a buggy full of bags.

“Can we always be like this? This close, I mean?” You asked.

“Always,” Ethan smiled.

And ah, take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my lover

You laughed quietly into Ethan’s chest as he pulled you closer.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Ethan asked playfully.

“When you asked me out this is not what I was expecting,” you let out between giggles.

Ethan had finally asked you out on a date after months of flirting. You were ecstatic when he asked, and you were sure he knew that with how quickly you answered before he even finished the question.

Your date had started off pretty normal. Ethan took you to dinner, then the two of you decided to skip the movie and go for a walk in the park. What neither one of you expected was getting stuck in the piss pouring rain. And, better yet, Ethan decided it was the perfect time for dancing.

You couldn’t be too mad, though. Ethan looked so young and carefree as he laughed while spinning you around in the middle of the empty park.

And Ethan couldn’t be bothered to care that his car would be soaked, and you’d both likely end up with colds. He couldn’t be bothered to care about those things when your cheeks flushed red as he whispered sweet compliments into your ear. He watched in aw as you threw your head back, laughing at some stupid joke he had executed so horrendously.

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

“How did you manage to drag me into this?” You questioned your boyfriend as you dragged him into the kitchen away from the thumping bass in the living room.

“What do you mean?” Ethan asked, playing dumb. Honestly, you weren’t even sure he was playing.

“Everybody’s drunk, E.”

“Okay?”

“How are they getting home?”

“You really are the mom of the friend group, y/n.”

“Ethan, be serious.”

“I am.”

You huffed at the man standing in front of you. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, causing Ethan to mock you and do the same.

“What are we supposed to do, Ethan?” You begged for an answer. Ethan thought for a moment.

“They can sleep in the living room!” Ethan responded like it was some grand idea.

“There’s no way you’re being serious,” you shook your head. Ethan just smiled at you and nodded.

“It’s our house. We can let fifteen people sleep in our living room if we want,” Ethan shrugged. You sighed.

“You’re making the pallet.”

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

“You can’t seriously be mad at me, babe,” Ethan laughed as you walked into your shared home.

“This isn’t a laughing matter, Ethan,” you huffed out while kicking your shoes off at the door and flinging your purse onto the table beside the door.

You were irritated, to say the least. You and Ethan had decided to go to your favorite diner down the street after having a rough week at work, and the waitress was getting a little too flirty with Ethan.

“It’s really not a big deal, honey,” Ethan reassured you as he pulled you into his chest.

“You didn’t see the way she looked at you, E. She was practically drooling onto my fries,” you mumbled into Ethan’s chest while wrapping your arms around him.

“I only have eyes for you, honey. I’ve only had eyes for you for three years,” Ethan whispered the last part into your ear softly.

“Good, cause I want ‘em all,” you whispered back.

“You’ll have them all,” Ethan smiled while twisting the engagement ring that had recently been slipped onto your finger by the man himself.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my lover

“Cam, please just let me go see him,” you had begged the older Dolan standing in front of you.

“Y/n, I am not letting you sneak off to see, Ethan. It’s bad luck to see your groom before the wedding. Plus, it’s only one night. I think you’ll survive,” Cameron teased you. You groaned causing her to laugh at you.

“We don’t have to tell anybody,” you huffed under your breath. Cameron rolled her eyes and shook her head.

You flopped onto yours and Ethan’s shared bed and sighed.

“Cam, I’m always with him. I miss him,” you admitted. Your eyes had begun to water as a wave of emptiness settled over you. It felt wrong to lay in your bed without Ethan there beside you. The two of you truly had been connected at the hip since you met.

“Hey, y/n, it’s okay. It’s just one night. Then, you’ll never have to spend another night without him,” Cam comforted you.

“I’m such a crybaby, holy shit,” you laughed at yourself as you wiped your eyes.

“If it makes you feel better, Gray texted me and said Ethan has been whiney all day,” Cam grinned, nudging your shoulder.

“Can I at least call him?” you gave Cameron your best puppy dog eyes, knowing she’d cave.

“Fine, but no FaceTime,” she groaned.

You sat up way too fast, shaking the dizziness off as you grabbed your phone from the nightstand. You clicked Ethan’s contact as fast as you could, and after two short rings, the call connected.

“Oh, thank god,” Ethan sighed, “I thought I was gonna go crazy.”

“Cam finally caved,” you giggled as Cameron rolled her eyes beside you, a soft smile resting on her lips. In all honesty, she loved how in love you and Ethan are.

“I was fully convinced I would murder Grayson if I didn’t talk to you tonight,” Ethan confessed.

You laughed at Ethan. The two of you talked for hours. Eventually, Cameron had fallen asleep in the guest room, and you settled into Ethan’s side of the bed.

“Can we always be this close, Ethan?” you asked, barely audible.

“Always,” Ethan replied before telling you to sleep well.

“Big day tomorrow,” he’d remind you, sending a smile to your face, knowing that the same time the next night you’d be Mrs. Dolan.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

“It’s not too late to back out,” Ethan whispered into your ear as the priest started the ceremony.

“Ethan, don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet,” you teased back. You could never be scared of Ethan leaving you at the altar. The two of you had talked about marriage for years. There’s no way you’d ever leave each other.

“Y/n, do you take Ethan Grant Dolan to be your lawfully wedded…” the priest continued. You smiled at the thought of spending the rest of your life with the man standing in front of you. Ethan was grinning at you with small tears rolling down his face.

“I do,” you whispered, only loud enough for Ethan to hear.

“You may kiss the bride,” the priest spoke cheerfully, stepping away from you and Ethan slightly.

Ethan quickly grabbed your face in his hands and pulled you in close. Your hands were wrapped gently around Ethan’s wrists as he kissed you passionately. Time seemed to stop and the loud roars were drowned out with the love coursing through you as you and Ethan kissed.

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

You and Ethan laid in the dark in your shared bed. It was well past 3 am, and you could feel your eyes getting heavy. Ethan was holding your hands in his, slowly tracing shapes onto the back of your hand. You smiled as he drew a small circle on your hand.

“Endless. Like my love for you,” Ethan whispered softly.

“You’re so cheesy, E,” you smiled at him in the dark, burying your face into his shoulder and breathing him in.

“Just don’t wanna lose you. Don’t wanna hurt again,” Ethan mumbled.

“Never gonna lose me, love,” you reassured Ethan while pressing slow kisses to his shoulder.

“Promise?” Ethan asked.

“Am I not dramatic enough for you? Do I not express my love well enough?” you playfully teased your husband.

“Please, you could be an actress with your theatricals,” Ethan snorted.

“Must I shout my love for you from the rooftops?” you continued.

“Oh, please, y/n, not again,” Ethan groaned as you pulled yourself out of Ethan’s embrace and onto your feet.

Ethan tried to grab you, but you were too quick. Already halfway down the hall before Ethan made his way out of your room.

“Y/n, people are sleeping! We have neighbors!” Ethan scolded as you slipped through the guest bedroom window and heaved yourself onto the roof. You walked cautiously, waiting for Ethan to get up there with you.

“I am in love with Ethan Dolan!” you shouted as loud as you could. Ethan blushed and quickly pushed his hand against your mouth.

You watched as a light from the house across the street flickered on.

“Oh shit,” you whispered, causing Ethan to snort.

“Again, y/n?” your neighbor, Mrs. Dott, the sweet old lady who baked you cookies every Friday, called out to you. You giggled softly at her teasing words.

“Always,” you called out in response to her.

“Young love,” you heard her mumbled faintly before turning around and going back inside.

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

“Ethan, it’s not gonna fit,” you huffed out.

“You know we always make it fit,” Ethan smirked and grabbed your hips.

“Now is not the time for your dirty jokes, Ethan,” you huffed, still trying to adjust the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room.

“But I love watching you blush,” Ethan teased while poking your cheeks and leaving a few kisses down your neck.

“Not now. We have to set everything up,” you scolded. Ethan raised his hands in defense and helped you with the decorations.

“Why did you wait so long to start decorating?” Ethan asked.

“It’s a magical thing called procrastination, Ethan,” you mumbled back.

A few days later, Grayson, Lisa, and Cameron were talking in your living room as you and Ethan quickly finished cooking dinner.

“Dinner’s done,” you called out to the three guests with a warm smile. You and Ethan placed the dishes on the table. You scooted the chair beside you an inch closer and slid it out enough for Ethan to sit down.

Ethan smiled at you and placed a kiss to your forehead while tracing a circle onto your thigh. You smiled back at him and gestured for everyone to begin eating.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Oh, you're my, my, my, my

Darling, you're my, my, my, my lover

#ethan dolan #ethan dolan x reader #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan one shot #ethan dolan song fic #ethandolan #ethan dolan fic #ethan dolan blurb #graysondolan #dolan twins #dolantwins #grayson dolan #grayson and ethan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan one shot #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan blurb #dolan twins imagine

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thorne93 · 3 years

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History Repeats (Part 12)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 3612

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong

**Song Inspiration: Death By A Thousand Cuts by Taylor Swift

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Dating Hayden was so easy, surprisingly easy. Talking to him during dates was the most comfortable thing you’d ever done. And oddly, it just felt right to go home together but go to separate rooms. You could take things slow and simple, and yet still be around each other all the time. And Hayden was great to you. He treated you nicely, complimented you all the time, encouraged you on your newfound work. In fact, one night, you were siting on the couch, writing a new song.

“What’s that?” Hayden asked over your shoulder.

“A new song,” you said as you hid the notebook, shielding it with your body.

“Ah, I see. Will I get to hear it?”

“With any luck,” you hoped. “I’m hoping Trey will work with me to record this one for the EP, I think it’s really good.”

“I’m sure it’s fantastic,” he assured as he sat beside you on the couch.

“Actually, it’s almost done… Would you want to… read it?” you offered timidly. It was a very personal song, but it also had a lot to do with him.

“Are you sure?” he inquired, his brows knitting together.

You nodded. “Yeah, you actually inspired it.”

“Oh, then I definitely want to look,” he said happily as he reached towards you. He grabbed the notebook and looked at your frantic handwriting.

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Delicate

He looked up at you and gave you the warmest smile. “I love it. You’re going to be the next top star, I swear by it.”

You blushed and thanked him before leaning forward to kiss him deeply.

----------------------------------

By now, the two of you had had a date a week now, and things couldn't be better for you.

Your producer, Trey, invited you to meet some members he thought should join your band. You had a good sound on the demos you’d given him, but he said he wanted to boost your vocals with the best instruments and sounds he could. That’s where another producer, a drummer, and a guitarist came in. All were looking for their next project and wanted to meet you.

He asked you to meet at a restaurant in the city. You said you’d have to wait until after your shift, but he said he didn’t mind waiting. So you finished your shift at 11 and headed to the exclusive lounge and bar. When you got there, there was only one party in the whole place. It seemed as if the place had closed. You frowned and greeted the hostess. She showed you to the table where Trey, a woman, and a man were sitting. You sat next to the man you didn’t know on the edge.

“Ah, Y/N, you made it,” Trey greeted as he leaned forward.

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it. Thank you so much for waiting for me.”

“Sure thing. So this is Stacia, she’s the other producer I work with from time to time. She heard your voice and really liked it. She’s worked with some great names before and I think she has a good shot at making you the next big thing.”

“Oh, wow, such a pleasure to meet you,” you said, reaching over the table and shaking her hand.

“And this misfit beside you is Darren,” he said with a smirk.

You shook his hand. He was lean as all get out, wearing a white wife beater, black jeans, and a black blazer with white pin stripes. He had a purple scarf wrapped around his neck and his hair was disheveled.

“He’s a drummer. He’s damned good and I think he’d work well with your sound. Or the sound I think we should try to go for,” Trey explained.

“That’s great! I’d love to start right away. We can start in the morning or --”

“Woah, slow down,” Trey said with a bit of a chuckle. The rest of the table laughed too. You felt a bit embarrassed and he could tell. “No, you’re fine. You’re excited. You should be. You’ve got a great voice and I can tell you’re willing to work with us on sound and marketing and advertising, the works, right?”

“Absolutely,” you said.

“Great, good, then we’re in good shape. We can talk business tomorrow. I want to get you in a booth, maybe polish up a few of those demos you gave me. I want to see what my team can do with you, and for you. But tonight, I think we should all just chat. Get to know you, your story, what your goals are regarding music…” He waved over one of the waiters standing by. He gestured to you. “What’ll you have?”

“Oh, uh, water?” you said, unsure what you were ordering. You didn’t know if this was a dinner, or cocktails or finger foods or what.

Trey gave you a funny look. “You don’t want a cocktail? Do you not drink? You sensitive to substances?”

You shook your head. “Oh, no, nothing like that. I just wasn’t sure if I should be drinking walk talking business…? Thought it might be a bad mix.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Don’t think of this as a business meeting. I’m your friend, Y/N. Business? Yes, both you and I should always be professional and business-like, but I think we should build this out of friendship, right? So get a drink. We all will.”

“O--Oh, okay, uh, I’ll have a screwdriver,” you said quickly.

“There ya go. Whiskey sour,” he ordered. Stacia ordered a cosmo and Darren ordered a tequila and tonic.

They began asking you about your dreams, aspirations, goals, where you write, how you do it, what your inspiration came from, your current job. They talked a little bit about their plans for you.

When it was all done, you called Hayden to pick you up. You weren’t sober enough to drive on your own. He asked you how it went but after a few answers, he realized it might be better to interrogate you later.

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You continued to meet with Trey and his team almost every day or night. He discussed the future, plans, and contracts. In just a few days, you’d cut a contract to turn your demos into a real EP. He wanted to re-record the tracks on your demo, and add two more.

It turned out he was more than a producer, he owned that lounge you were at and a few bars. It was pretty customary for people he produced to be at them. He didn’t care one way or the other if his musicians partied, as long as they showed up to the booth on time and did their work.

You’d been to one party at a club and met several others that were in Trey’s circle and Darren’s. Some musicians, some singers, some other music executives. It was good to meet these people, to network, but after that first night, you learned to say no to the alcohol. You thought it was better to be on your best behavior when you met all these people.

Hayden wasn’t thrilled about you going to these events or parties, but you stressed that you needed to do it for your career. You explained you were only meeting other people that would help and once you reminded him wouldn’t be drinking, he didn’t see much wrong with it and seemed to accept it.

You were having the time of your life. You had a new, great boyfriend who treated you well. You were on your way to your dream career. Everything was more perfect than it’d ever been in your life.

One night though, you were talking with Darren, in a booth at one of the clubs.

“I’m so nervous. I go in to re-record my first track tomorrow,” you said, giddy with fear and excitement.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll do stellar,” he assured. “But… if you want.” He glanced around for a moment before pulling something out in a small bag. “I do have something to take the edge off.”

“Holy shit. Is that coke?” you demanded, your heart already racing.

He nodded his head subtly. “You want a bump or not?”

“Uh, no, I’m good. I don’t… I don’t do that. I’ll be fine,” you assured, holding your hand up.

“Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug. He tapped a little on his fist, and snorted. You bobbed your head before saying you were gonna go get another drink at the bar. You avoided Darren the rest of the evening.

---------------------------

“You ready for this?” you asked as you plopped beside him on the couch with popcorn and cokes.

“No, absolutely not,” he informed with a laugh.

You put in the first movie -- Star Wars: Attack of the Clones -- and pressed play. “I’m ready. I am beyond excited.”

“Ugh, this movie… I got so much grief over this,” he confided, cringing as he stared at the screen.”

“So? Fuck ‘em,” you said easily.

“Y/N, you’ll understand better when you’re in the music business, but it does matter what some people think about you. Having a lot of critics isn’t a good thing, I hate to break it to you.”

“No, I know that,” you assured. “But I also know that you were unjustly criticized for this. I think you portrayed Anakin exactly how he needed to be.”

“Really?” he asked incredulously as he shot a glance your way.

“Uh, yeah, absolutely,” you said defiantly. “I don’t think anyone else could’ve played him any better, I swear.”

“Thanks,” he said quietly, shooting you a half smile that made butterflies erupt inside you. He could still do that to you despite dating for a while now and living together.

The two of you watched more of his filmography all the way to the Vanishing. During a particularly jumpy scene, you ended up nearly jumping in Hayden’s lap. Your legs were on top of his, and most of your butt had scooted over onto his lap.

Embarrassed a little bit by your needlessly scared actions, you turned around to apologize, blushing.

“Oh, uh sorry,” you said as you eased yourself off his lap.

He chuckled a low, sweet laugh. “It’s fine,” he assured.

Just as you scooted off of his lap, the two of you were face to face, your legs still on his thighs. His mouth was just a few inches from yours. You stared at him, then stared down at his lips. You slowly planted a kiss on his lips that he reciprocated by curing his hand up to your hair. Gently, he began lowering you back onto the couch before continuing to kiss your lips, your cheek, down your collarbone.

You were breathing quickly. You wondered if you were moving too fast with him, too fast since Jason. But nothing had ever felt more right. You and Hayden had so much in common, he shared the same humor, you lit up when you saw him, you still felt both incredibly comfortable around him but still got butterflies when you saw him. He lived in the country and he adored children. He understood the music business and he supported you. He believed in your dreams. No one else had ever done that for you.

He and you saw everything the same way. He was everything you ever wanted and more. He was kind to you and sweet to you. If you’d built him yourself on paper, you couldn’t have done a better job.

The more his mouth moved over your body, the more you wanted him closer to you. You laid down with him hovering on top of you, and before you even really realized what was happening, you two were a sweaty heap on top of each other.

You spent the night chasing releases and exploring each other physically. You gave yourself entirely to him and you didn’t look back.

----------------------

You didn’t tell Hayden about the drugs or the offer of them during the first meet up. It was the first of a few, actually. You had already started the re-recording, on your second track now. You typically went in before your shift at the hotel. On your days off, you and Hayden would set up a date, if he wasn’t beat from filming.

By now, you’d been to three parties where you’d been offered drugs, and the last two times it wasn’t Darren. Everyone was cool about it though when you said no. Didn’t make you any more comfortable around them, but that was a hazard of the job.

Tonight was your tenth official date with Hayden. The two of you agreed to keep it simple since you were tired from working two jobs and he was filming for 10 hour days. Tonight’s location was a simple italian restaurant in the heart of the city.

“So how’s the recording? I haven't heard much. Is it going well or better than you expected?”

“It’s good,” you said, nodding. “Better than I imagined actually. I was so nervous the first day. I thought they’d rethink signing the contract. I worried they'd think I sounded like the worst thing they’d ever heard.”

He laughed slightly and said, “Oh my god. No, why would they think that?”

You shrugged. “I guess because this is too good to be true. Like, this kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me, or people like me. I’m just, I’m a nobody, and I’m being discovered by a guy who produces artists that top the charts weekly.”

“But you’re great. This guy heard you sing in the lobby and then heard your demos and he wanted more.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I know but still, it’s so hard to believe it’s real.”

“I know the feeling. Believe me, it doesn't really get easier,” he informed with a smile.

“Oh, that’s so good to know,” you said, laughing. “How about you? How is filming going?”

“Really great. I really like this new project. I wish you could come on set,” he said, gesturing to you. “I think you’d have fun.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Just as you went to ask him something, a brunette woman walked up to the table. She wasn’t your waitress, so you had no idea who she was. She came up behind Hayden at first, then stopped just next to him at the table.

He saw a figure out of his peripheral vision. He glanced over to her, then did a double-take.

“Rachel?” he greeted, completely flabbergasted. “What--What are you doing here?”

“I saw you, from the window, thought I’d come in and say hi,” she said before glancing at you. “And this is...?”

“Oh, sorry, uh, Y/N this is Rachel, Rachel this is Y/N.”

You held out your hand before the name Rachel registered with you. Just as she went to shake your hand, you remembered who she was.

His ex.

The mother of his child.

She shook your hand, smiling warm and friendly before she turned back to Hayden. “Could I talk to you for one second?” she requested.

“Uh, sure.” He glanced back to you before scooting away. “I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna borrow him for one quick second,” she said. “So good to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too,” you said, trying to hide your confusion and slight offense.

You watched the two walk outside and they talked for a few minutes before Hayden rejoined you at the table.

“Hey, everything okay?” you asked sweetly, putting your hand on his.

“Yeah, fine.” He pulled his hand back and sat it in his lap.

“Are you sure? You seem a bit rattled--”

“I said I’m fine,” he snapped. “Let’s just finish our dinner, okay?”

Pulling away from him, you stared at him, concerned. “Oh, okay, yeah, sure.”

The two of you finished your dinner in silence. You had tried to question him a few times, but nothing happened. When you two got home, the atmosphere had shifted. It was no longer this lovely, warm, sweet air. It felt cold, distant, tense.

“I had a good time,” you tried as you stood between the two doorways to the bedrooms. “If you want, we could watch--

“Yeah, listen I'm gonna hit the hay. I’m beat. Thanks though. Goodnight.” He barely looked at you as he shook his head while talking. He gave you a quick glance and then went inside his bedroom.

You frowned, having no idea what you did wrong.

------------------------

The next day, you saw Hayden in the morning as the two of you headed into work. You were on your way to the studio and he was on his way to film.

“Oh, hey,” you greeted him happily. “So weird about seeing Rachel last night. Are you okay?”

“Huh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said as he poured a cup of coffee in his to-go cup.

“Oh, good. If you want to talk about it, we can.”

He nodded. “Not now. I’m running late. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”

“Sure thing. See you later.” You went to kiss him but he just picked up his cup, smiled slightly at you, and swept around him. You frowned after him.

When you got home that night, it wasn’t much better. He said he was tired and went into his room, barely even looking at you.

This stayed this way for the next few days. You spoke to him, he would excuse himself and leave. You sat next to him on the couch, he’d get up to shower or go for a run. You’d offer to have a late dinner, he’d say he had already eaten. Everything you did, he found a way to avoid you.

Until finally, on your day off, you stopped him as he came in the door.

“Hey, can we talk? You’ve been kind of off lately, and I just want to check in with you.” You got close to him. “You’ve barely looked at me or talked to me.”

He began chewing his lip as his gaze cast to the floor. “I don’t think we should date any more,” he said.

The air left the room.

“I--I-- What did you say?” you stammered, frowning.

“Look, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s best if we just remain friends. I really like you but…”

“But… what? You decided to get in my pants and just leave?” you wondered, anger building up inside you. “I mean, was the sex that bad?” you asked, trying to lighten the mood, but also trying to sincerely understand what happened between you two.

He shook his head and ran a hand down his face. “No, that’s not it at all. I swear. I really do like you, I just…”

“Just what, Hayden? I deserve an explanation. We were fine. We were more than fine, or happy, so I thought. I mean, what the hell?” you demanded, completely confused.

“I just think… Look, you and I met under some shaky circumstances. I just don’t want just to be…”

“To be what?” you pressed.

He finally looked up and looked into your eyes. “To be each other’s rebounds,” he informed.

You shook your head. “You’re not my rebound. You’re… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and now you just want to throw that all away?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep dating. Rebounds often feel like they’re the best thing in the world, because it masks the pain--”

“I’m not masking shit! I thought I loved Jason, I really did. But after we broke up, I realized I just loved the idea of being with him. I got comfortable with him. I told you this. But you and I… I thought we were real, I thought we had a future.”

“I thought we did too, but I’ve re-evaluated our situation, and I don’t think our heads are in this.”

Shaking your head, you were spinning. “I don’t understand. We were fine! Weren't we? We were having fun. I thought things were really good between us. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no,” he assured. “It’s nothing like that.”

“So, this is it then? You just think of me as a rebound and after you get in my pants to forget about your ex, you just want to throw me aside?” you shouted.

“No!” He stepped forward and squeezed your shoulders. “I care a lot about you,” he started.

You wrenched out of his grasp. “Just not enough to stay with me? Hmm? It’s fine. I get it. All guys have ever done to me is use me. Get me to like them, I treat them well, just when I think it’s going great, I get dumped. Rinse, repeat. Whatever. I’m over this.”

You stormed into your bedroom and slammed the door, turning your stereo nearly all the way up. You got ready for bed and curled up, letting the tears flow. Your chest hurt so bad from feeling this way, from feeling so… used, so betrayed.

You were far from over this. You were far from fine. Out of everyone you’d ever been with, Hayden made the most sense. He seemed to fit you so perfectly. He fit your life so well.

And now, he wanted out, like everyone else you ever got close to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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History Repeats:

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