#Adhd kept me awake
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I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?
Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.
Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."
Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.
BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.
Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.
ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.
Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:
1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."
2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.
3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.
4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.
5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.
6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.
7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).
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I'm gonna give you all (and at the same time, write It all down for my future self) an inside of how my writing process works feat. ADHD and sponsored by the autistic hyperfixation of the moment
*insert Professor Layton puzzle music*
Picture the #daddy Odysseus AU/Astyanax lives, now think about the timeline, how does that work? Allow me to bring up the following points/establish some sort of timeline:
-The kid must be ten years old by the time Odysseus reach Ithaca or the math won't be mathing and we can't have that
-This whole scenario must be as much Canon Compliant as possible. "But Morgan, the Odyssey has many adaptations!" Well my fellow Tumblr users, that's why we are sticking to Epic: The Musical; that, greek mythology and the power of fanfic make a dangerous yet powerful combination. And memes, a lot of memes.
-Keep in mind Zeus wants Astyanax dead because "it's the will of the gods", aka I'm inmortal and bored and it's way more dramatic this way
-Poseidon wants him dead because Zeus wants him dead. Odysseus, dude, how do you dare to defy a god's orders by keeping a baby alive???
-So the father and son duo has pissed off two major gods, Eurylochus is having an aneurism, Polited welcomes the kid with Open Arms (evil laugh)
-The musical goes as we know but with a toddler, chaos guys, chaos everywhere, so much things to write...
-My brain keeps telling me Astyanax starts teething by the time they leave the island in the sky, so not only have Odysseus to keep an eyes on the bag-that-does-not-contain-treasure he also is kept awake by a crying baby
-Tiresias is quite surprised that Odysseus keep the kid but this is greek mythology and at this point, in John Mulaney's wise words, this may as well happen.
-Little Astyanax can't not hold a sword because it's way too heavy for him, but the Odyssey is dangerous so let's give him a KNIFE and a BOW
-Also he's sassy, like, really sassy
-Odysseus is doing what he can, but lmao, try to raised someone in the middle of the Odyssey
-Let's pepper in some beautiful moments of paternal love because that's why we are here
-Odysseus has the mission to raise this kid with the perfect balanced of the Ruthlessness nad Open Arms philosophies, which is complicated because he is busy dealing with crysis after crysis and it's also hypocrital of him, he's way more ruthless with every day it passes.
-To maximize ✨DRAMA✨, Astyanax must learn about what happened in Troy and who he is (because guys, this is greek mythology, let's make it dramatic)
-Astyanax's opinion of the gods is quite cynic (can't blame him *cough cough* Zeus *cough cough*), but he still likes a few
-Because of the point above, this smol boy filled with rage and raised by Odysseus (dangerous combination) it's going to have a certified teenage rebellion and flee away in the middle of the night™ after facing Scylla and right before Mutiny and Thunder Bringer. This way, he can have a yelling match with his father figure, and Odysseus will face his crew alone etc
-I'm still working out in the how, but Astyanax will go back to Circe's island, and Circe will give out some really good advice and a power up, maybe even Hermes would stir up the pot a bit because damm, this shit is hilarious may as well fuck it all up a bit more.
-Astyanax reunites with Odysseus while he is fighting Charybdis, beautiful father and son moment blah blah blah, Astyanax is still salty (cuz they are in the middle of the sea hehe) but the time away has allowed him to rethink stuff. He is also a little shit and always has been so expect a lot of jokes and dark humour about Troy (coping mechanisms and all that). Odysseus could barely handle his sarcasm before, now he has no chance, he rather fight Poseidon blindfolded.
-Talking about Mr Why Did You Blind My Son, they faced him together.
-As the chaotic little shit he is, Astyanax assists Telemachus in his fight against the suitors. Telemachus does not know who this feral kid is but this is not the moment to ask questions.
-Athena loves the little shit, much to her surprised.
-Angst with Happy Ending because of the power of fanfic and headcanons
-Everything else after this point is slice of life feat. comedy
-Odysseus and Athena reconcialiation of we riot feat. Telemachus' face when he realizes who his friend was.
-Maybe a young man Astyanax decides to reclaim his throne helped by Telemachus and backed up by Ithaca?
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I am fascinated by the way that severe depression made Adderall for ADHD feel like it did nothing.
Like, it kept me awake, gave me energy, and gave me some anxiety, but it didn't actually motivate me to do anything. It was like energy that couldn't be directed?
Why is that?
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Coming from puff puffs blog 🤧🤥 hope you don't mind 😝🙈🙉 ur also totally gaining a new follower..
WHAT ARE YOUR HEADCANONS ON SOAP? 🥰🥰🥰 unless you've already done this before then I am so sorry 😓
relationship with soap headcanons
warnings: sfw, fluff, some angst, relationship arguments, family trauma mentioned, religious trauma, homophobia, bad dad
a/n: my fav cod man is soap so this took my top priority!!! i think about this man a lot, 09 and reboot version. reboot is my fav though, realistically, he's who i would actually get with. here’s all the things i’ve thought about him, there’s probably more tbh… OK OK HERE :))
childhood hcs
johnny soap mactavish comes from a large family of 5 siblings, he's the second oldest. it's elsie, him, blair, callum, and olivia.
growing up in a family of mainly girls got him on that respect women juice. he would always have to make sure his younger siblings are ok and aren't you know, being bullied. his parents were adamant on 2 year age gaps between them all.
his cousin, jack, was an sas operator and that was what made him want to join. they had to call security forces to arrest him out at some point because he kept sneaking in to watch them do stuff lol
elsie left for uni with her bf to live in soho when johnny was 16, the same year he would talk to recruiters around his hometown, driving hours and then getting rejected the same day due to his age
9th grade (year 10) chemistry got him obsessed with stem and its *explosive* results. he aced chemistry and then took advanced chemistry and physics just because he loved it so much
after this, as soon as he turned 18, he went to sign his papers THEN graduated school (he's just like me fr). his mom was so worried for him, especially when her sister told her about the danger that jack would get himself into. in the end, he promised he'll always call her and his siblings
his dad's an ass, hes an alcoholic, a cheater, a *bitch*... he would always take the kids to church on sundays and twisted the religion into a reason for his behavior. claiming that johnny's mom being at home was just "their culture"
she makes a killer shepherd's pie though
always had had some sort of love-hate relationship with the catholic faith. on one hand, it was nice to know there's always at least someone watching out for him, but after hearing the constant belittlement from his father, claiming he wasn't "manly enough" for not willing to give his life up in the service, he started to resent the “all merciful”.
he ended up blaming god for all his faults, letting him take accountability. this especially happened when he got diagnosed with adhd when he was 17, his dad didn’t believe in mental health. his mom was only a bit better about it, they both refused meds for him.
he's bisexual, leans towards women though. found this out after a truth or dare game in junior year (year 12) and some beers in a closet
at one point, callum acccidently let it slip at dinner when johnny had first moved out that he had met a cute guy and their dad screamed and yelled at the whole family, especially their mom, about "raising a fucking whore of a son, dragging the family down to shite"
blair called and told johnny a few days later and johnny rushed his work as quickly as possible and begged his chain of command for a few days off to go back home to his family
his family gets loud…like really loud. there’s 7 people what do you expect?
it gets especially bad when it’s sunday morning and you gotta get 7 people awake and looking their church best for an hour and a half 😔
johnny is the quickest everything there is, which has its downsides too. he could run and swim the fastest in the family, but he was also the quickest eater…meaning he’s on dish washing duty. he’s quick at that too so by the time everyone’s finished, he’s washed all the other dishes that took to make dinner
broke his arm chasing a cat through someone’s yard (he was 14)
had a goat scream and kicked him because he wanted to give it a hug
he got a part time job at a local bakery in 10th grade (year 11). the pay wasn’t much but neither was the work really. olivia, who was 9 at the time, made him promise that he’ll get her a doll to have tea with. her tea set had 4 cups but only one of her, so she must get another one to join her! he kept his promise; he ended up getting three dolls for her
he can make amazing soda bread and brioche loafs now too, still keeps a starter from the owner of the bakery to this day
he had a mountain bicycle that he would take everywhere. had room behind his seat for packages and his backpack, which he would tie down. that thing had such a loud bell too, would ring constantly to “let people know hes coming and get ready”
was terrified of selkies for some reason, always had the window closed and made callum sleep by it while he slept by the door
wasn’t much of a troublemaker, but would get into trouble with his adventurous heart.
got lost in the woods once and after a while of fake courage, he sat down and cried until elsie found him. he was 20 yards (13 meters) away from the clearing 😭😭
laugh at that guys, mf was 15
personality & relationship hcs
johnny is such a fun lover. he’s handsome yeah, but what makes ppl flaunt over him is his humor. he’s what jessica rabbit said “he makes me laugh”
such a charismatic and charming person, gets it from his dad. he could talk about just about anything, also the type to strike up a conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. then end up with their number and a date or helping them dog sit
this isn’t always a good thing though, one time before he was medicated, he would talk on and on, his story becoming incoherent due to the amount of self-interruptions he made, that a group of guys got so annoyed at that pub, they punched him.
he was young, 19, and couldn’t fight, so he didn’t win and came back to the barracks with a nasty black eye
he likes to be the big spoon, has to hold something in order to sleep
feel like he’s the type to wrap his arms around a pillow and lay on his stomach to sleep
speaking of sleeping, he HATES sleeping with socks on. he tried it one day and he just shivered at the feel of it, woke up and his socks were missing (he found them under the bed)
i also feel like he sleeps like a log, unmoving once he finds his comfort, i also think it's because he had to sleep in the same bed as his siblings at one point and he didn't want to wake them by moving, so he got accustomed to being a still sleeper
one time he accidentally got into a fight at a bar when a guy kept being misogynistic and was arrested and kept in jail for the whole night until one of his civilian friends bailed him out
johnny's the type to race you in the rain to the car. again, he's quick so he's always ahead of you but then he slips from the rain and ends up all wet and muddy and in the car.
his favorite thing to do is hear you laugh. he'll do anything to hear you laugh.
whenever you're sad, he'll purposely stub his toe or trip down the stairs or make you kiss his "owie" (a papercut) to get you to cheer up. like yeah it hurts like a fucking bitch but seeing you sad hurts more than a silly tumble
number one date event is city exploring and hopping. like cafe hopping, pub hopping, museum hopping, restaurant hopping, anything that makes you get up and get going with time to sit and chill at the same time.
feels like he can eat a lot, he's the type to eat your food if you end up not liking it or being too full
when he gets home from missions and the initial excitement of seeing you dies down, he also dies down and nap for hours until it's the middle of the night and he gets up to eat something.
he loves naps. feels like he needs a nap time every day if it was possible
he's a very kind lover, he's easy going so its not hard that sometimes people take advantage of this and push his buttons until he can't take it anymore
causes a huge blowup because he can have a nasty temper whenever he bottles stuff up and pushes things aside
not a physical manifestation of anger, but definitely a verbal anger, will say things he doesn't really mean just to say it and realize right after the words leave his lips that he fucked up
but he'll stake out in front of the guest bedroom in which you've locked yourself in until you come out and he gets the chance to forgive you
the type to stand in the rain and hold a sign saying sorry right outside your window, a very cheesy romcom style (gaz made him watch them)
he loves you more than anything and loves you even more than you can keep up with him and laugh at his jokes, no matter how awful they are
he wants 4 kids by the way
#cod mw2#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mwii#cod#modern warfare 2#fanfic#john soap mactavish#captain john mactavish#john mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish x reader#soap call of duty#soap mactavish#soap mactavish x reader#soap x reader#soap cod#soap mw2#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#johnny mactavish#call of duty modern warfare#katzwrites
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me/us time
Hob knew they had an opportunity coming up. The boys had both signed up for separate summer camps, so he and Dream would have the house to themselves for an entire week. Granted, they both still had work during the week, but that just meant Hob could plan all the big, romantic plans for the weekend. Really, it was his turn for a big gesture–Dream had planned their last three dates, after all. So Hob planned to go all out. First, they could go to the local open-air market. Dream loved browsing the kind of artisanal goods they had to offer, and the weather report said it was supposed to be a perfect sunny 75ᐤ day. Then they could take a long walk along the river, then a romantic dinner at the kind of restaurant he could rarely justify the expense of.
He made the reservations at the waterfront restaurant from work on Monday. Then it was just a matter of keeping busy until the weekend.
Which proved far easier and at once much harder than anticipated. During the work day, it was simple–he was starting research on a new project, and that always came with a level of focus most of his colleagues would cite as their reason for not being surprised when he’d told them about his ADHD. The work days flew by. And then he would get home, and he would have to spend the entire evening metaphorically–and occasionally literally–biting his tongue to keep from spoiling the surprise. He kept forgetting how much he hated keeping secrets. And he didn’t have the kids to distract him. Dammit.
He truly hadn’t anticipated how exhausting it would all be. By Friday, he was almost ready to just blab it all out, surprise be damned–but when he got home, Dream was nowhere to be seen. He pulled his phone out just as a notification chimed.
[txt: Sunshine] I shall be late tonight. You have my deepest apologies.
He smiled lightly at his boyfriend’s overly-formal texting habits before typing out his own reply. [txt: McDreamy] K. Should I hold off on dinner?
[txt: Sunshine] No. You forgot your lunch at home today, so you deserve dinner on time. Lord knows you cannot have had anything good since you left. Just make me a plate, I shall reheat it when I return.
[txt: McDreamy] 💖💖💖
[txt: Sunshine] I love you, too.
Dinner alone was depressing, but there wasn’t anything to be done about it. It was hardly the first time it had happened, and he’d occasionally forced Dream into the situation as well. It was just the nature of their jobs. After he ate, he plopped on the couch and turned on Bar REscue, just to have some meaningless background noise.
Perhaps it was too meaningless, because one episode blended into the next, and the next thing he knew Dream was shaking his shoulder gently. “Come, dearheart, let’s get you to bed. We both need sleep.” Hob blinked slowly at him, the words taking a hair longer than usual to process in his barely-awake brain, then nodded, dragging himself off the couch and off to bed. He had barely laid down before his eyes closed again, and he didn’t open them until the mid-morning sun shone directly into them.
Oh. Oh no.
“Shit. I slept in?”
“You did.” An amused rumble–the oddly smooth prelude to what Hob knew to be a truly awful laugh–sounded from the doorway. “Though I don’t know why you’re upset about it–today is Saturday.”
“I had plans! We were going to go to the market!”
Dream let the rumble turn into true laughter–honking and awful and perfect–at Hob’s abject misery. “I knew you were keeping something from me all week. You truly are terrible at secret-keeping, you know.”
“I wanted it to be a surprise. I know you’re not going to want to go once the crowds really get thick–by the time I get ready it might already be too late…”
“That’s alright. What’s the rest of your plan?”
“A walk by the river, then dinner at Ocean Avenue….”
Dream nodded a bit, then sighed. “Well, there’s no reason we cannot go through with the rest of your plans. After lunch, that is. In the meanwhile, we can just relax.”
“Alright. Guess I can work on my rese–”
“Robert Gadling you will do no such thing.” Dream interrupted firmly. “I said we could relax. If you must do something, try working on your manuscript. I am eagerly awaiting the further adventures of your immortal medeival peasant and his mysterious stranger.”
He chuckled warmly, a surge of fondness coloring his tone. “Alright, you win. I won’t work today.”
They never did get out for the walk–Hob had gotten caught up writing, and Dream had pulled out a canvas and started painting, though Hob wasn’t allowed to see just what he was painting. And they managed to pass the afternoon in companionable silence.
@domaystic
crossposted on AO3
#the sandman#dreamling#dream of the endless#hob gadling#house at pooh corner#domaystic2024#dates#together time#listen they are body doubling thye just don't know it#Dream's Awful Laugh#i'm sorry this one is late.#Excuse: I got drunk#and then yesterday I did not want to do Anything
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Mar and Jake- 1st Chapter
Hello everyone! this is the very first chapter of my OC's story! Frankly, this is also the first real story I'm writing and publishing on the internet, so please excuse my inexperienced writing. If you enjoy please tell me! I'd love to hear your thoughts. Here goes nothing!
chapter 1 (you're here) chapter 2
------ 2300~~ words
The door shut itself behind Mar when she got back home. The wind outside was howling and created tension between the air and the door- even inside her apartment building.
Standing in the middle of the living room, Mar kept silent, waiting to hear any sounds of movement in the house- awesome, her roommate was out. She barely knew him anyway, so she got the silence and calmness she yearned for the entire day. Mar sat down on the couch and took off her wet boots, too exhausted to care about the mess she was making, then lay down on the couch.
Thunder roared outside. Mar barely saw the lightning that preceded it, her forearm covering her eyes as she tried to ignore the giant headache that was growing in her brain. With closed eyes, she tried to rummage through her bag for some painkillers, but she couldn't find them, so she tried to stay as still as possible to wait it out.
A few moments later she decided it was too much to bear and opened her eyes, intending to look for those stupid painkillers properly. But when she did, they were a little blurry, and after a few moments they cleared up and she could see her surroundings- but they were different than moments before.
Everything was absolutely huge: the couch she was on, the pillow she was leaning on now was barely denting to support her weight; The lamp above now looked like the freaking sun, and the ceiling now was so far away she could barely see it.
Frozen from shock, she rubbed her eyes to fix her vision, but nothing changed. The realization took a while to hit her, and when it did it wasn’t just scary or surprising- it was terrifying. She didn’t scream, but she did stare at her surroundings until it all blurred again from the extended blink-less period she was staring at. Panic filled her heart, and it began beating quicker and quicker. This whole situation seemed to be taking an eternity while the thunder that struck when she opened her eyes previously echoed in her head. Was it what did this? It seemed rather unrelated, it’s just some thunder, after all, but what else could the cause be?
Suddenly, her panic attack was cut short when the front door burst open once again. Mar’s heart sank. That’s the last thing she needed. Her roommate, Jake, was clumsy, forgetful and generally very ADHD coded. His entering the situation wouldn’t help- not that she herself was any calmer and more collected either.
Jake, on his part, was finally able to drop his bubbly mask- now that he was home. It also seemed that no one else was home, which was weird, since Mar usually comes back an hour before him, more or less. His mask, either way, drops automatically when he’s alone. He wouldn’t be acting so tiringly in front of other people on his own accord, that’s just how he is in public. Jake dropped his backpack on the floor next to the doorway as he sighed.
The thud the bag made as it hit the floor caught Mar off guard. She was barely able to turn around to face Jake’s way as she was still in total shock and that thud made her muscles wake up and jolt awake- she then fell on her back from it. It seemed to have caught his eye, though, and now she was truly terrified. His giant, absolutely massive body was turned towards her so quickly she didn’t even have enough time to react; and his unemotional gaze fell onto her as he found the source of the movement he caught at the edge of his vision.
Mar gulped. She was looking so far up that her neck began hurting. She thought she could even hear is breaths, but he was still a few meters away so it might as well just be her own heartbeat- which was increasing even more than it already was.
The silence and stares went on for quite a while, or so it seemed, as neither of them knew how long it was. But then Mar’s tears found their way out. It seemed to be too much for her now, that her internal feelings were seeping out through her eyes. She could no longer comprehend her own emotions that they had to be let out somehow. She was completely overwhelmed.
“J-Jake”, she gasped out, and he himself snapped out of the trance he was in and immediately moved closer and knelt on the floor to be at eye level with her. She got startled once more and crawled back a bit. Everything seems so overwhelming to her, just his swift movement towards her was enough to knock the wind from her lungs. His eyes, though she wasn't so intimidated by his height, were still big by comparison, so she couldn't find much comfort in him now kneeling.
The moment Jake came closer, initially by curiosity, he could see that it was, in fact Mar, and how absolutely horrified she was.
"Hey – hey Mar, don't cry, it's okay,” He heard himself say, as softly as he could.
Mar couldn't contain her panic anymore. Her breathing was quickening and her heartbeat became so loud she could barely hear anything else. She found herself unable to respond. Her tears were spilling out like a water fall. She began spiraling into a panic attack, but everything stopped when she felt a touch on her cheek, or rather, the entire side of her face.
Jake didn't know what he was doing, either. He felt that her panic attack was getting out of hand and he needed to ground her somehow, bring her back to reality. So he extended his finger and lightly tapped her cheek. It seemed to have worked. But he was taken aback when he felt her tiny hands reach out to grab his finger. No further words have been said for another eternity while they stared at each other breathlessly. Jake was leaning his head on his forearm on the couch cushion, his other hand should retreating from Mar's face, though she seemed reluctant to let go.
"A -are you okay?” he asked in the softest whisper he could muster.
"I ... umm...” she mumbled. He could barely hear her, too. But he tried his best to listen regardless. "I can't say I am…”
"How did you...?” He didn't need to finish the question.
"I don't know… one moment everything was normal and the next-“ Lightning struck again, followed by thunder. Mar jolted again from the sudden loud noise and blinding light, and by instinct, Jake reached his arm out to shield her from the source of danger. He soon realized that there was no need and withdrew again.
" Mar.” His soft voice drew her attention back. His lips were the size of a table to her, and his face was big enough to fill her entire field of vision. she then raised her head to meet with his eyes- no words needed to express how unfathomable this whole situation was. Everything about him was intimidating to her. Everything except for his gaze. The look in his eyes was of concern, genuine regard for her well being. She never thought this would be something that would comfort her, especially at a time like this. After all they barely knew each other. Now he was the one thing that was keeping her sane. She could feel herself relax already just from looking at him- if only the situation would have allowed it.
“I-I-I don’t know what… how…” She started mumbling, drowning her words. “I just closed my eyes for a second… m-my head was spinning and I t-tried getting my painkillers but I couldn’t reach and-“ She choked on her words, but she figured he got the message: this wasn’t anything that she was capable of on the regular, it was the only time it happened and she had no idea how. Jake dared not move. She was spiraling into sobs, and he was afraid that if he moved, he’d only make it worse. But all he wanted was to pick her up and hug her, comfort her. She looked so fragile, so frail. He got the weird urge to protect her from the world, hold her close and keep her safe- but he restrained himself. Any movement he might make could get her to fall into another panic attack.
But alas… the panic attack came anyway. When Jake snapped out of his train of thought he saw she was on her knees, crying uncontrollably and her breathing was uneven and short- he was so lost I thought he missed her beginning to overthink… shit.
“Hey, it’s okay, it’ll be alright.” He said now aloud, rather than with his eyes. He stretched his finger to touch her arm, to try to bring her back to reality.
“How is this okay?!” She snapped. “You’re not five inches tall! Your life didn’t turn upside down in a second!” Mar was now shouting, which caught Jake off- guard and he flinched, retreating his finger.
“It WILL be okay,” he corrected himself, unintentionally cutting her off. It was rather easy to cut her off, of course. His voice was dominating in comparison. “Take your PTOs, take sick leave, I’ll help you with whatever you need. Please, don’t worry about that right now.” His voice slowly retreated to its softness when he saw her face when he cut her off. She didn’t seem to be very eased by his words, but she didn’t say anything.
Mar took a deep breath. She felt uncomfortable with relying on her roommate now, for obvious reasons. They weren’t exactly friends, and she didn’t really know him all that well. They only knew each other through a mutual friend that recommended they move in together as roommates into a small apartment in proximity to their jobs and that fit their budget- merely for convenience. But now she had no choice.
“One thing at a time”, Jake broke the silence. Somehow, it felt like he was experienced with stressful situations. Or is he more experienced in situations like this? Mar nodded and took another deep breath as she relaxed her muscles. She looked around again. Even though nothing seemed to be okay, and everything is still absolutely huge, Jake’s presence seemed to be able to calm her down a bit. She looked back up at him and saw that same old protective concern on his face. Now it started to piss her off a little. As if she was that weak that she needed him to be concerned for her. She isn’t THAT helpless.
As for Jake, he saw her looking at him and after a minute her expression changed. One second, she looked terrified, so out of her depth, and the next she looked at him with displeasure, seemingly because of him. He was taken aback but said nothing. That was weird, he thought, but he didn’t think anything more of it.
Mar looked down onto the floor from where she was standing on the couch. Before any of them could react properly- she jumped. Then, she regretted it all immediately. A part of her wanted to act independently in rebellion to how jake was thinking of her, but that was objectively a bad idea. That was super dangerous, and she knew it. Rather than just getting up and walking off like usual she could break a limb.
But before she hit the floor something soft yet uneven and rough stopped her fall. It still hurt a bit to fall onto it but definitely better than the cold hard floor. Looking around she slowly followed the surface with her eyes just to realize Jake caught her and stopped her fall with his hand. She yelped and backed away only to be blocked by the wall of fingers. She was merely the size of his thumb. Mar looked up to his face, looming over her like a skyscraper and blocking the light from the ceiling lamp. His face wore an even more worried expression, and his breathing was quickened.
“Don’t scare me like that.” He breathed out. She could hear a bit of anger in his voice. “Please don’t ever do something like that again.” Jake pleaded. Mar nodded. She only then realized she was also a bit short of breath.
Mar’s neck started to hurt from craning it so much to look at him, so she lowered it back down. As she did so, ran her hand over jake’s. It was emitting a little bit of heat, and she thought to herself how she never knew there were so many ridges and bumps on the human skin. Now that she was the size of a new eraser, she had more of a glimpse at the things no one ever notices or cares to pay attention to.
Jake could feel her hovering over his skin. Her touch was so tiny he could barely feel it. She just scared him half-to-death when she jumped off the sofa and now, she seemed to be in a world of her own. Her mind must be doing backflips just to keep her from going insane. He sighed. He cannot imagine how she might be feeling. He began slowly raising his hand to place her back on the couch, but when she looked up at him again, and he saw her craning her neck so much, he raised her all the way to his face and sat up. Mar extended her hand and touched his face. That seemed to set off the waterworks again. With her hand still on his cheek she began crying uncontrollably. Jake felt his heart break. He really was, finally, at a loss for words as he watched his tiny friend break down right in front of him.
#g\t#giant tiny#g/t community#sfw g/t#size difference#g/t fluff#gt community#sfw gt#giant\tiny#gt#gt fluff#oc: mar#oc: jake#original characters#original story#oc story#oc writing
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OH! maybe some fluff of hunter x a reader who has insomnia and is trying to sleep? :3
HUNTER WITTEBANE X INSOMNIAC!READER [FLUFF HEADCANNONS]
AHHHH, okay as somebody with chronic insomnia (thanks dyslexia AND adhd) this meant so much to me to write, also, if you find that I complain about writing at late hours of the night, that is why
-You scrubbed a hand over your face, you were so tired, both mentally and physically.
-Hunter knew about your insomnia, he politely mentioned how much you moved around during the night, and although it was unspoken, he probably wondered why you were always awake before he’d startle awake by his nightmares.
-Tonight was an especially bad night, you had to wake up early tomorrow, and the more stressed you felt about needing to fall asleep the more your brain wiggled.
-With a heavy huff you turned around in Hunters arms, where he was lazily spooning you in his sleep.
-On nights like this, even if you couldn’t sleep, it helps to bundle under the warm covers and watch your lover sleep, despite how much you envied the peace of his face.
-What you didn’t expect what his groggy magenta eyes to flutter open, dazed for a moment before settling on your face, and warmth grew in your chest when you saw the happiness that always infused them when he looked at you.
-You shifted closer, planting a small kiss on his nose, and kept your voice low when you murmured concernedly to him, “did you have a nightmare, love?”
-He shook his head no, and you relaxed further in relief, he didn’t jerk awake do you weren’t too concerned, bit you always worried about his night terrors.
-“No swee’heart… you m’kay?“ he’d mutter, resting his head on your collarbone and looking up at you with glazed over eyes, and you couldn’t help the pure adoration that shone through your own as you carded your fingers through his unruly blond locks.
-“I’m alright Hunter, just..” You didn’t want to worry him, besides, you’ve been dealing with this since childhood, “It’s one of those nights.”
-You gave him your signature tired smile, the worst part about insomnia Is that you were constantly tired and sleepy during the day, kept up at night no matter how tired you were, so you could never recharge for the day ahead.
-He frowned in concern, squeezing you tighter, “C’n I get you sm’nth?..” you had to stifle your soft, gentle laughter to keep the dark quiet energy of the room in tact,
-You knew if he tried to get up to get you anything, he’d fall on his face asleep half way there, so you just made a small noise before replying.
-“No, that’s alright, let’s just lay together?” he snuggled further into you in confirmation, you know he’d try to stay up for you, but with a few light scratches on his scalp he was half asleep.
-You stared into the distance, sure that he was already unconscious, but the his tired, slurred voice piped up again, “Y’know that if you ev’r need to wake m’ up, you c’n…”
-You just shushed him, “Seriously, it’s okay.” you replied back, and you expected him to argue back, but after multiple beats of silence, you looked down to see your lover had gone back to sleep, clinging to you tightly.
-His touch, his cuddles wouldn’t magically fix your sleep problems, and nothing would for a long moment, you still stayed up for hours, scrolling aimlessly through penstagram, writing fan-fiction on your spellblr, and whatever you could do to pass time.
-But with his warm body next to yours, the peaceful look on his face that you stared at for long moments, the way he’d cling to you like the comfiest thing he’s ever slept on,
-It might not of helped your physical problem, or ease the tiredness in your mentally, but it calmed the crashing waves of frustration in your mind, and you relaxed into his bed, his warm sheets,
-Into him, in his arms.
#hunter x gn!reader#hunter the golden guard#hunter headcannons#hunter x reader#toh hunter wittebane#hunter wittebane#toh hunter headcannons#toh hunter x reader#toh hunter#toh hunter x reader headcannons
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2023 Introspective
This year started with cutting off a toxic person who had already shut me out of mutual friend spaces but kept stringing me along with "maybe in a few more months I'll let you back in". 2022 was rough on its own, especially pre-antidepressants, but a huge part of it was stuff involving this person. Blocking them and finally accepting that it was not worth trying to repair what little relationship was left was the most freeing thing I've ever done and helped me to continue that with any other rude unpleasant individual I've had to share spaces with. It's been genuinely wonderful to realize I don't have to sit there and listen to bad takes or people who are needlessly mean, so I'm glad something came out of that friendship nightmare scenario.
It still took a lot of time to not sit there in anger and frustration spirals over the way things ended up, but in February I got permission from my bosses to bring my dog Chili to work with me due to needing to keep him and our other dog from playing while she was recovering from her spay. I ended up realizing that even though Chili is a huge anxiety baby, having him with me legitimately was helping distract me from negative thoughts spirals and gave me something positive to focus on when I was getting frustrated by work-related stuff in the moment. He ended up helping a couple coworkers come down from panic attacks later in the year too. My boss likes how "calm" he is enough that he gave me permission to bring Chili to work all the time (within reason), so he's come with me on most non-event days. His progress has been slow, but he's also been improving from the regular socialization!
I finally started to really focus on my own art and developing my own products and designs, both for my personal shop and for the shop at work. I've come out the other side of this year with 9 new enamel pin designs between the two! (A couple I haven't shared yet! ;D)
I was finally given an Adderall prescription which magically solved my problem where I couldn't stay awake during the day no matter how much sleep I'd gotten! And also it started helping me focus a little better too, but genuinely the non-sleepy thing was the most lifechanging part of the medication for me. The pit in my stomach when I was told that person felt like I was stalking and surveilling them if I was quiet in a call or stream despite years of me communicating that I was constantly struggling to even stay conscious was... HOO BOY. After years of fighting for my life to stay awake in college and sometimes even while DRIVING TO AND FROM WORK,,,,,,,, I really thought something was seriously wrong with me (besides the ADHD since I didn't realize it was a symptom of that)
With toxic people removed from my social spaces and general perception, I've finally started to join group calls with my friends again without anxiety or fear of not being welcome. It's helped me start to get back into playing games again, and I've been able to get into a few that either have built in accessibility features to avoid hand strain, or I've been able to modify my hardware setup to help with issues I was running into before. I've finally managed to pick up Warframe again, and I'm bouncing between that and Path of Titans without being hopelessly deep in a hyperfocus.
I officially got promoted at my job to Retail & Visitor Services manager (and got a $3 raise in Nov!!). While I'm struggling with finding help to ease my increased workload, I'm definitely way better off than before we hired on extra staff. It's given me a lot of networking opportunities (and excuses to go on field trips on the clock for ~*networking*~) and I've been juuuust starting to poke my head into local groups. One is a monthly artists crafting meetup right by work that starts right when I clock out! :D
I had the energy and free time to start branching out and trying other arts and crafts hobbies that had been interesting me! Ended up getting a serger machine to help really tidy up clothes that I make! I got into linocut & block printing, and have been having a lot of fun working on designs for that kind of printing. I even made a few printed shirts! And of course there was Andromeda, the first puppet I've ever made, and pretty much my proudest achievement in all my years of art so far.
I've honestly been spending less time on social media proper, usually forgetting to check tumblr for days or weeks at a time. Which has been good and bad, but overall better for me to stop feeling like I HAVE to fully backlog everything ever.
I got my first tattoo this year after wanting one for years and years! And that opened up a whole new can of worms and now I'm ending the year with 5 tattoos and 2 more scheduled in the next couple months oops! My first tattoo was Joltik, with my first ever pet spide!
I started keeping spiders this year after years of being too concerned about keeping pets that required live feeding! That also was a slippery slope. I picked up Indrid my red-backed jumper and Autumn my pumpkin patch t at the end of January, and now I have them, a regal jumper, a red-knee t, and a togo starburst t. You'd never guess that less than a decade ago I was scared shitless of all spiders. :> Especially now that I will occasionally free-handle wild spiders that need relocation to someplace safer. (Mostly still just jumpers tho)
Things aren't perfect by any means and I still have a lot of areas I want to personally improve myself in, but I feel like overall this has been a really really good year for me and I want to keep that momentum going into 2024! More art! More projects just for me! More time with friends! More enjoying games! More tidying my space literally and metaphorically!
#in fairness re: driving it only was a danger when i was seriously sleep deprived on top of the adhd understimulation#i am fine now if i am seriously sleep deprived but taking my medicine. that's normal levels of sleepy
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Empires SMP S1 Fanfic: Once Around the Empires, Pt 1
Characters: PearlescentMoon, MythicalSausage, Scott Smajor, Xornoth (elf version), Shubble, Pixlriffs, GeminiTay, fWhip, LDShadowLady, Joel Smallishbeans, Joey Graceffa, Jimmy Solidarity, Katherine Elizabeth, and a small flock of adopted children
Relationships: MythicalSausage/Scott Smajor, LDShadowLady/Joel Smallishbeans, Katherine/Shrub
Tags: Empires SMP S1 AU, scosage, nature wives, adoption, wholesome, fluff
Note: acknowledgement of amputation (not sure how else to tag that but just in case)
Summary: Having noticed that fatherhood is wearing on Scott and Sausage, Pearl suggests that the rest of the rulers take some turns at babysitting their kids. Everyone gets a learning experience: the children as well as the emperors. In particular, Lizzie gets in over her head, some poignant moments occur, and - as tends to happen with these things – somehow they lose track of who has the baby.
(Also available on Ao3!)
[ A/N: The story of how Scott and Sausage ended up together (and how Sausage came to lose an arm) is currently a WIP by @cynthrey. The story of how they ended up adopting over a half dozen children is the sequel that I’m currently working on.
This particular short fic, in the meantime, was requested by @dianealmera ! | I’m doing something unusual this time, however, and only posting one part for now because I feel bad for how long it has taken to write this! The ADHD and focus issues have been real recently, so the rest is still WIP, but the outline is completed. I just need to fill it out! Please bear with me, and any words of encouragement to kick my focus back into gear would be greatly appreciated :crying emoji: ]
[Bonus: A Small Introduction to The Children of Mythland!]
- - -
Part One
Since she was the one sitting next to Sausage during the quarterly meeting of the empires, Pearl was the first to notice his head start to bob downward – and noticed as his eyes drooped closed, and as he emitted a faint snore. She leaned over to nudge him in the side, although was careful not to hit her own elbow against the metal of his prosthetic arm. His eyes fluttered open but he remained slightly hunched and looked like he would nod off again any second.
While Joey continued to complain at the rest of the group, Pearl whispered to Sausage, “Hey, sleepyhead. Are the proceedings that boring for you? I mean, I’m antsy, myself, but you clearly need a nap.”
“Hm-mph. Sorry,” Sausage mumbled in response. “Mariposa was crying half the night, then one of the twins had a nightmare and kept us awake the other half.”
“Aw, poor kid. Well, poor you and Scott as well, but, which one? I’ll go tell her I’ll kick the scary stuff’s butt for her.”
“I… I’m too tired to remember which one right now.”
“Oof, you really are out of it if you can’t tell your daughters apart.”
Sausage scrunched up his face a little as if that might help his memory. Then he reached across with his left hand to cover the bottom of his eye scar with one finger. “Not this one.”
Pearl figured he was indicating the twin who happened to have a little scar of her own under her right eye. “Oh, Rayen, then.”
“No, no. Not visible.”
“So, Seren.”
“I… think so?”
“You know what, I’ll just talk to them both.” Pearl cast a glance past him. “Scott looks tired, too, but he’s definitely more awake than you are right now.” Just as she said it, the elf in question sitting to Sausage’s left unabashedly yawned without covering his mouth. Seated next to him, Xornoth raised an eyebrow at his brother. For a second Pearl met Xornoth’s gaze and he quirked his other eyebrow, nodding toward Sausage. “I spoke too soon.”
“Elves kinda… have a better handle on sleep issues. Goes with the long life span, I guess…”
“I’m sure elves can be troubled by their children having nightmares, too. While we’re on the topic, if I ask you which of your kids are elves and which are human, will you be able to remember that?”
Sausage snorted quietly. “I’m not that bad off, come on now!”
“Then tell me.”
“The oldest three are elves, the rest are human. See, I got this.”
“Now that’s a tricky answer. Aren’t Liana and Ilan the same age? Got you there, didn’t I?” Pearl grinned. “Anyway, I assume quiet would help you some. It will be breaktime soon so maybe you can take a ten-minute power nap. I guess it was just bad timing you were hosting the meeting this round.”
“Can’t exactly cancel things at the last minute just because of a fussy infant…” Sausage then also yawned. He propped his head up on his prosthetic hand, elbow resting heavily on the table. Pearl expected to hear the metal struts creak from the weight.
She considered the matter and decided she would bring up an idea to the others when the slightly-more-awake Scott announced it was time for a recess.
Once the two kings of Mythland had excused themselves to check on the kids – and maybe grab the suggested powernap – Pearl swiftly blocked the doorway of the council room to get everyone’s attention. “Just a quick thing I wanted to share before everyone wanders off: I think we’ve all noticed how worn out those two have been, especially today, and they’re real troopers, but I had a thought that maybe we could help out Mythland with more than just trade deals. Would anyone like to join me in extending an invitation to babysit their kids for a little while?”
A few questioning eyebrows were raised, as well as uncertain looks. Shrub was the first speak up. “So, like a vacation trip for the kids and a vacation from the kids for Scott and Sausage?”
Pearl smiled, “Exactly.”
Pix cupped his chin in thought. “I do have to be honest here, while they’ve adapted to having seven kids at once, it might be difficult for one of us to handle all of that out of the blue. Especially a baby…”
“Maybe,” Gem suggested, “We could take turns with only two of them at a time, and someone gets Mariposa on her own, since she would need the most attention without other distractions.”
“You read my mind, Gem,” Pearl said. She glanced toward the Ocean Queen. “Lizzie, I remember you commenting about wanting to steal Mariposa at her debut, what do you say now? Want to try out babysitting an infant for a few days?”
Lizzie’s eyes brightened and she grabbed Joel’s arm. “Oh, yes! Let’s try it out, my dear husband!”
Joel uttered a sigh. “If you insist. Thanks for the suggestion, Pearl.”
“You’re welcome, Joel,” Pearl chirped in reply. She then glanced around at everyone else for their thoughts. “I’ll start by taking Rayen since she’s so rambunctious. Maybe some sparring lessons will burn off some of that energy. And Azahar since he has started training to be a knight.”
“Then I’ll take Elowen and Ilan,” Gem offered, “Since they’re learning magic.
“Hmm,” fWhip said thoughtfully, “Liana likes to comment about Sausage’s arm when I’m here doing maintenance. I could show her things in my workshop that might satisfy her curiosity. That leaves Seren. Are you sure you want to separate the twins, Pearl?”
“They might be less chaotic if they have a different sibling around,” she replied.
“Oh, it can’t be that bad!” Lizzie dismissed the thought with a wave of a hand.
“Okay then, Lizzie.” Pearl grinned mischievously. “After a few other visits, we’ll reunite them at your place.”
“It will be so cute!” Lizzie said with blissful ignorance.
Joey scoffed. “You’re all crazy. How are you going to get anything important done with some little rugrats underfoot? No thank you. Count me out.” He fluffed up his wings as if having taken offense, then pushed past Pearl to continue the break elsewhere.
“Scott and Sausage manage it! And they’re not all little!” Shrub called after him. She looked back up at Pearl. “Okay, so, do we want to work out a schedule and maybe mix things up a bit when the kids change hands? This is starting to sound like fun, getting to hang out with them a few at a time, and show them our empires instead of only seeing them when we come to Mythland!”
Ever organized, Gem pulled out a book and quill. “Writing it down should make this easier – and faster. The tired dads might come back any minute, so let’s plan it out enough so they’ll feel better about getting on board with the idea. Are we all in?” She glanced around. Pix and Katherine nodded, but Jimmy looked uncertain.
“I don’t know,” he admitted in a reluctant tone. “I kind of have my hands full just taking care of my own things. I mean, if you really need me to if there’s, like, some kind of emergency, I could try? But, like…I don’t want to become the emergency, you know? Maybe just the older boys since they’re, um, less high-maintenance…?”
Gem chuckled lightly. “Okay, Jimmy, you can be a backup only if one of us has something come up at the time.”
Xornoth cleared his throat. “I’ll stand by as back up, too, since these are my niblings you’re plotting to abscond with.”
Pearl gave a sheepish laugh. “Ah, right. Scott’s own brother is here. Well, that could also mean if anyone has an issue, they can contact you instead of making the dads worry.”
Xornoth grinned in response. “I think this is a wonderful idea. I’ve managed to babysit all of them at once, although that was technically only for a few hours. They’re all good kids – well, some more energetic than others, but I think this will be a fun experience for everyone.”
After a little bit of head scratching, a plan had been worked out to have the six older children switch around so there were no repeat pairs and to be with a different empire each turn for two days. As for Mariposa, Lizzie insisted on taking her for the first four days, with her thought being that one child would be much easier to handle for extra time. The rest of the schedule, however, stuck with the two days, plus one extra change of hands. They agreed that four turns would be best for what was, essentially, an experiment. A week plus one day, enough time for Sausage and Scott to get a rest without disrupting the children’s regular schooling for too long.
Joey returned only to roll his eyes when he saw everyone’s cheerful faces – well, minus Joel, who looked more like he was going along with things for Lizzie’s sake. Then Scott and Sausage made their way back in, seeming relieved in the sense that no new issues with the children had arisen while they had been at the meeting. They went to their seats without questioning why nearly everyone else was standing grouped up.
Xornoth returned to his seat and put a hand on Scott’s shoulder. “Is Mariposa making up for lost sleep by napping this afternoon?”
“Yes, seems like. Thank goodness Azahar doesn’t mind keeping an eye on her during his studies. I think,” Scott paused to yawn, “He’s her favorite brother.”
“Yeah,” Sausage murmured in a smiling but drowsy agreement, “Seems like it.” They leaned against each other, almost as if they had forgotten where they were for a moment. The break clearly hadn’t done much for their tiredness.
Pearl picked up the final version of the paper for the plan that had been worked out. “If you two sleepyheads are ready to continue, I have a proposal specifically for you.”
Sausage shook his head in an attempt to clear the fog from it and sat up straighter. Scott had a slightly pained expression but folded his hands together on top of the table to hear her out, mentally preparing for more life adjustments.
Pearl continued, “We would like to offer to take your children off your hands for a vacation, so you can get some rest, and meanwhile the kids get a bit of a cultural exchange experience. We even worked out a schedule so you know where everyone is at any given time – you’re super dads, so you’ve been able to handle all of them at once, but we’ve arranged a way to split them up so we can each manage things better. Have a look, tell us what you think.”
She held the paper out to them. Meanwhile, Joey loudly announced, “Except me. I have no interest in this idea, and I think we’re wasting precious time right now!”
“Well, all right, Joey,” Pearl chided. “You’re entitled to your opinion. But the majority has spoken, so be patient. You know, establishing good relations with an entire royal family is important for the future.”
“They’re just kids.” Joey scoffed again. “All they know how to do is run around and be noisy. But you all have fun with that.”
Sausage scowled and pushed the paper toward Scott before standing up. “Our kids are already working on learning magic and other skills they need! And one day you will be answering to one of them as ruler of Mythland, but they’re also allowed to have fun! Everyone is!”
Scott patted Sausage’s arm then tugged his sleeve to encourage him to sit down. “So, you… all want to include Mariposa, too? I mean, even we’re still getting used to it, and we’ve had months to learn.”
fWhip put in, “Well, that’s why we’ll take shifts in pairs. Then one of us can nap while the other is awake at two o’clock in the morning, unlike you crazy dads who are both awake around then.” He gave a teasing grin.
Pearl nodded. “And I’m prescribing one hundred percent rest for you two. You can have final say on that schedule, if you want to review it now, then we’ll get back to official business.”
Still bleary, Sausage and Scott tried their best to analyze what was essentially a flow chart of kid pairings switching around. They did trust everyone involved, and everything looked like enough organization had gone into it, so…
Scott glanced around at their friends’ well-meaning faces. “Um. All right. Thank you, everyone. You know that if anything becomes an issue, you can bring them home at any time—”
“Hup,” Xornoth interrupted, “Absolutely not. You’re getting that rest. If anything comes up, everyone can contact me, and I’ll handle it. I’ll gather all the kids at Rivendell if I have to. That’s final.”
Sausage and Scott traded glances, then smiled weakly. Sausage replied, “As you say, I guess. Eight days, is it? Then we either see everyone back here the morning of day nine, or Scott and I take an extra trip to Rivendell.”
~*~
Another week went by while everyone fixed up guest rooms and saw to clearing up their own schedules, and in the meantime Sausage and Scott explained to the children about the special trips they would be going on. Elowen was predictably nervous at first that he would be travelling separate from Azahar for the first two visits, but relaxed a little when he heard that he would be seeing Aunt Gem first. Even though he had a gift for ice magic, he enjoyed learning about other types, as well as it being something he could share with Ilan.
Seren didn’t seem sure about visiting fWhip until Liana proudly proclaimed that they were going to learn how to fix Papa’s arm and do it even better than Uncle fWhip, which cheered up the younger girl. Rayen, meanwhile, ran around shouting about how she was going to be the best fighter ever, and Auntie Pearl was going to be the first person she defeated by the end of day two.
When the first round of rulers came by to pick up their assigned children, everyone was in good spirits and looked forward to having a good time. Sausage pressed an extra bag of baby supplies onto Joel while Lizzie cradled Mariposa – practically needing only one hand due to her godly size – and cooed over her. Mariposa mumbled then let out a cheerful, “A-Aa!” with her little arm up in the air.
Scott tried to convince himself that she was purposely waving since she couldn’t say goodbye yet. He and Sausage then stood in the empty courtyard feeling vaguely lost.
“So, we just…go do some work now, I guess?” Sausage asked.
“I’ll have to find something else to do this week where I would be overseeing their lessons. I hadn’t thought about that yet.”
“Well, we could always go build something with our own hands,” Sausage joked. “Like old times, before we started signing off on projects for someone else to do.”
“I suppose we could. Well, after regular duties, and catching up on that sleep like Pearl suggested.” Scott smiled and reached to clasp Sausage’s left hand. “For now, we just wait for word that everyone arrived safely.”
Sausage chuckled. “Yeah, and wait for snowy owls to arrive when everyone ends up with Uncle Xornoth.”
~*~
Gilded Helianthia, Day 1
Rayen was still running around even after Azahar attempted to get a little settled in the room they would be sharing at Pearl’s farmhouse. Rayen had insisted she was going to learn to fight in her dress just like Pearl, even when her elven brother tried pointing out that Pearl wore a dress specifically designed for battle. Of course, he knew there was plenty of spare clothing in her bag just in case, and at least she wasn’t wearing her fancier dress, although she did point out that he wasn’t wearing anything special to fight in, just his every day tunic and trousers.
Presently, he was gathering together his orange dreadlocks into a thick but short ponytail to keep them pulled back from his face during lessons, pieces of his practice armor already donned. Rayen was eyeing the short sword that he had been allowed to bring, but knew she wasn’t allowed to handle.
“I’m gonna get a sword like that soon! I’m gonna get it ‘fore I’m old as you!”
Azahar chuckled. “You have to wait until you’re as old as me to be allowed to start training to be a knight.”
“I don’t wanna be a knight! I wanna be a battle princess! I’m gonna kick so many butts!”
“Well, we’ll see what Auntie Pearl has to say. You have to get her approval first. If I had to, then you have to.”
“Yeah, but you don’t like to kick butts!”
“I don’t like to fight when it’s unnecessary. There’s a difference. Are you sure you don’t want leggings to protect your knees if you fall?”
“No! I’m not gonna fall! And battle princesses don’t wear leggies!”
“Okay. But you’re allowed to cry if you get hurt, remember that.” He watched her run ahead out of the room – only for her to run headlong into Pearl.
“Wow, I could hear that brave talk all the way down the hall. That armor looks good on you, Azahar. You’re already shaping up to be a proper protector – looking out for little scraps and bumps is just as important as wielding a sword.” She knelt to put a hand on Rayen’s shoulder. “I’m going to teach you a little about fighting today, but you need to be careful about yourself, too. Can’t go throwing yourself around recklessly or who would be able to fight bad guys then?” She ruffled Rayen’s hair. “Come on, out to the yard. I have a few things in mind, then we’ll have a relaxing lunch.”
Rayen took off ahead again. Azahar watched helplessly with a smile. As he and Pearl stepped out onto the porch, they heard the little girl complain from around the side of the house, “Aww, I wanted to learn wif a real sword!”
Azahar chuckled again when he saw her standing beside a table that held several practice – and even toy – weapons, most of them made of soft pine wood with padded fabric over the ‘blade’. He rested his hand on the pommel of his short sword for a moment, then went over and picked up one of the wooden swords.
Grinning, Pearl picked up another of the swords as well as a shield. “We’ll all use practice weapons for now, okay, Rayen?”
The little girl heaved a gigantic sigh and trudged up to the table to take a sword, and then, with an encouraging example from Azahar as he took one, a shield. “Fiiiine. But I’m still gonna fight the best!”
~*~
Crystal Cliffs, Day 1
Gem bustled around her library while Elowen and Ilan watched in silence, although the latter curiously peered out from the hood of their green and gold-star bedecked robe at one of the books she had left open on the end table next to them; they did, at least, feel right at home fitting in with Gem’s own wizardly trappings. Elowen was comfortable in a plain blue shirt and matching leggings, oblivious to the apparent dress code of human magic users.
“Okay, here it is,” Gem chirped, climbing down from a ladder with one last book in her hand. “Sorry that took so long, I didn’t have time during the week to find them all.” She placed the book on the end table next to Elowen. “This one is for you to look at later. It has snow-related spells designed by non-elven wizards. We can talk about them more in a little bit, but – Ilan, why don’t you tell me what you’ve been learning lately? Then we can find something to work on all together.”
The younger child cleared their throat and pushed up the sleeve on their right arm, only to have it fall down over their hand again. They took a moment to roll both sleeves up partway. “I learned a light spell. I can’t make it glow really bright but it’s good for using in my room at nighttime.”
Gem could see their look of concentration within the shadow of their hood as they carefully traced the forms of the spell in the air. A small orb of white light appeared above their right palm, which they were attentively holding steady while still uttering a small sigh of relief that the spell had worked.
“That’s very good!” Gem praised. “I can teach you the extra forms for different colors and one way to make it brighter, if you like. Elowen, I think there’s a spell in that book to make a snowball glow, if you want to try a light spell, too.”
Elowen nodded and pulled the book onto his lap to start flipping through the chapters, content to find it on his own while she began to shape an example of the light spell in green for Ilan.
~*~
Grimlands, Day 1
Seren fidgeted with the hem of her dress as she glanced around at all the buttons, levers, lights, and gadgets strewn along the walls and tables in fWhip’s workshop. He had figured he would get the busiest and most distracting part of the tour out of the way first.
Liana, meanwhile, darted left and right to get a closer look at everything. She had her hands pressed against her skirt as a reminder to not touch anything without permission, sorely tempted though she was. “Oh my gosh, you have so much stuff! Do all these go together? Are they parts for one thing?”
“No, they’re all different projects,” fWhip explained, then smiled at the younger, human girl. “You can look closer, too, Seren. It’s okay to just look, but you have to be careful of everything like with your papa’s arm. We don’t want any little fingers getting pinched, right?” Seren shook her head then crept closer to a bench and peered at some of the metal contraptions laying across it.
“This could all be the arm of a really big giant if you put it all together like one!” Liana proclaimed.
“It could,” fWhip admitted, “but I make things besides arms. There are lots of metal tools and machines that are helpful to everyone, not just when…” He paused, then mumbled to himself, “Which one was it again?” He coughed and returned his voice to normal level. “Um, when Papa Sausage gets his arm eaten by a blood sheep. Yeah, that was it. Gotta be careful of those blood sheep sometimes.”
Seren turned to him, suddenly dewy-eyed. “If my arm got eated by a blood sheep, would you make me a new one?”
“Of course I would! But we’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. They’ve been told to leave good little children alone. Besides, isn’t your sister the one who already has a scar kind of like your papa’s? It would be silly if you copied him, too.” fWhip crouched to get on eye level with her. “I’ll tell you what, though. I could make a pretend one for you that you wear over your real arm for a costume. That would be more fun, and then you could say, ‘Hey, Papa! Look, my arm is metal, too! But wait – it isn’t! Because I’m not so silly as to get my arm eaten by a silly old sheep!”
Seren giggled, while Liana grumbled, “That’s not what Azahar and Elowen said happened…”
fWhip laughed somewhat nervously. He knew the story was being changed every time, and he was one of the few that knew the truth. But for now, wild tales of dragons, rogue sheep, and mysterious magic spells would suffice. “Here, let me show you one of the early designs I made. Imagine how funny your papa would look with his arm like this instead...”
~*~
Mezalea, Day 1
“Joel, she’s so tiny!”
“Everything is tiny compared to you, dear wife.”
“Have you ever seen anything so cute before?”
“I mean, I have, but she is cute for, y’know, a baby. They’re supposed to be cute.” Joel watched Lizzie sashay back and forth across the improvised nursery, Mariposa cradled in the crook of one arm with her opposite hand near to support the infant’s head. Mariposa was looking up at her with studious eyes, perhaps trying to make sense in her little head why there was a Big Person holding her who didn’t look anything like a human or an elf.
Lizzie ignored his comment. She held Mariposa up in the air, then cradled her again. “I just want to cuddle her all day!” The baby didn’t have a response, still only staring.
“I didn’t spend the past week building a crib for you not to use it. You do know there is a phrase that goes ‘put the baby down for a nap’, don’t you?”
The crib in question was made of acacia and sat at the side of the bedroom. Each slat was painted a different Mezalean-related color: lime green, magenta, orange, and dark green, with a white bunny on the headboard to represent the Ocean Empire.
“Well, who knows, Joel. Maybe after this week we’ll decide to adopt a baby of our own.” Still not looking at him, Lizzie held Mariposa out again and gently turned her to the left, then the right a few times, pretending to make her dance. “Then you can have a little friend close to your own age, instead of all those big rowdy siblings of yours! It must be so exhausting for you to see them running around while you’re stuck in a silly old crib.”
“Oh, geez,” Joel muttered, feeling a moment of panic. “Look, Lizzie, I’m not ready for any kind of baby fever right now. We’re only babysitting for a few days.” His voice cracked on the word ‘few’. “I don’t know where we would even get a baby from. Mezalean citizens come from the Mother Tree. Unless you intend to adopt a fish of some sort…”
“What’s wrong with adopting a fish?” Lizzie asked defensively. “I’m part fish.”
“I thought you were part axolotl…? Or did I miss something about the legendary blue one? Anyway…” Joel went over to the bed and picked up the baby carrier that had come along with the other supplies. “She doesn’t stay in the crib all day. Scott or Sausage haul her around in this thing. Um…” As he held it up by one strap, he noted the size of it and realized one rather important oversight. “I guess I’ll haul her around in it.”
He sighed as he slipped it on, then adjusted the front of it against his chest. “All right, give her here. We’ll go for a bit of a walk, little one, then you can see the majesty of Mezalea and tell your papa how dull his kingdom looks …when you learn how to talk.”
Mariposa stared up at him as Lizzie handed her to him. The infant made a likely indifferent noise, then giggled a single, “Hee,” and reached up to grab at the green streak in his hair.
“Well now. See, look at that!” Joel bragged. “She knows exactly what I’m talking about!” He got her situated into the carrier facing forward and checked to be sure there was no possibility of her falling out, then he headed to the door with Lizzie smiling a smug look of her own as she followed.
Perhaps by the evening he would warm up to the idea. If not, she could always keep offering to babysit until he did.
~*~
Mythland, Day 1
Sausage tapped his paperwork into one neat stack, then hopped up and stretched. It had been a very tedious morning, but all the land proposals and repair funding requests had been sorted for now. He glanced out the window to see the fair weather was holding, and it gave him an idea for what to do with his afternoon.
He scurried out and headed down the hall, glancing into rooms as he went.
Meanwhile, Scott was in the library pulling some new books for future school lessons. He came across one containing beginner spells that he had overlooked before, and he smiled happily as he tucked it under his arm. He placed the rest on the table, then headed out with the other book in his hands.
He ran into Sausage in the hallway leading to the children’s rooms. “Oh, hey, Scott! I was just looking for Azahar to ask if he wanted to do a little practice spar after lunch!”
Scott blinked, then looked down at the book. “And I was going to give this to Ilan, but… Sausage, did we both just manage to forget they’re not here right now?”
“Oh… ah-heh, I guess we did.” Sausage put a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment. “I got caught up in work and thought it was quiet in the castle because they were all out playing in the gardens.”
“Then what’s my excuse?” Scott mused, giving a sheepish look. “Have we started relying on our eldest son so much for help with Mariposa lately that I forgot to check on the baby?” He laughed, as if the idea was ridiculous.
“I mean… Are we?” Sausage asked, suddenly worried. “Or is it only that we’re tired,” he then admitted. “We didn’t exactly plan for that kind of responsibility to begin with…”
Scott smiled softly. “I guess we can count ourselves lucky we managed to meet a child who could be patient with us, too. And has such a generous heart.”
“We’ll make it up to him,” Sausage decided. “Maybe if all this works out, we can have other babysitters more often to give Azahar more free time, and not just giving us a break.”
They stopped by Ilan’s room to drop off the spellbook on the desk, then Scott put an arm around Sausage as they walked along in the direction of the dining room. “Well, going to be a quiet lunch, anyway. I know my brother said he would intervene if there were issues, but I assume everyone is behaving so far, and maybe they’re all having a nice lunch right now.”
Sausage put a hand to his chin in thought, then grinned. “I have an idea how we could have a nice lunch by ourselves. How about a picnic in the garden? Just you, me, and the flowers.” He slipped out from Scott’s arm and jogged ahead. “I’ll go tell the kitchen staff! Meet you out there!!”
Scott smiled after him. The garden would also seem too quiet without the children running around, but it might still be pleasant to reflect on the times before they started growing a family, and remember the romantic picnics they’d had back then.
Later, Sausage found himself standing over the empty crib in their bedroom, staring pensively off into space. Scott lightly touched his right shoulder. “You can stay up a little longer if you like, but let me help you with your arm first, because I might fall asleep pretty quick – tonight, at least. Although it might be nice to stay up later than usual reading together.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking…” Sausage said, turning to go sit down so Scott could more easily assist with removing his prosthetic. He waited until the redstone signals had tapered off from his awareness to elaborate, “I’m just kind of worried about waking up at random during the night wondering why she isn’t crying, and then think someone stole her, or something.”
Scott held the prosthetic arm to his chest to free up a hand so he could put it on his partner’s shoulder. “Sausage, no one has yet to break into this castle for any reason, never mind make it all the way in here.” He then chuckled gently. “Do you want to put a sign on the crib? ‘Go back to sleep, Mariposa is with Lizzie and Joel’. And then we change what it says after we get word that she has arrived at the next babysitter.”
“You know what, that’s a really good idea!”
Scott carefully laid the prosthetic down in its protective case on the side table, then went to get a quill and piece of paper. “And… done. Now you can rest easy.” He offered an optimistic smile.
~*~
Gilded Helianthia, End of Day 1
Rayen scrubbed at her cheek and fought back sniffles while Pearl bandaged a skinned knee. “There you go. You’re a tough cookie, but even the best fighters get hurt sometimes. I think you’ll be back in top form by tomorrow, though, and we’ll have a few more lessons after a good night’s sleep. Do you think you’re okay enough to help put things away?”
Rayen sniffled again, then nodded and let Pearl help her down from the barrel she’d been sat on for the small bit of first aid.
Azahar waited calmly by the table of practice weapons and gently ruffled Rayen’s hair when she scampered over. He then began to hand her the smaller-sized weapons one at a time. She brought each over in turn to Pearl, who neatly arranged them in a shulker box for use the next day.
As they headed inside for dinner, Rayen walked quietly beside her brother. She at least didn’t seem to be sulking, as far as he could tell. “You did pretty good today. But maybe tomorrow you can wear ‘leggies’ to protect your knees, okay?”
“Oh-kay,” she mumbled in acceptance.
~*~
Crystal Cliffs, Night 1
Ilan glanced back and forth watchfully while Elowen tested the handle of the library door, seeing if he could open it without any sound. Ilan whispered, “Will Auntie Gem really mind if we stay up late?”
“We’ll sneak back to our room after just a little bit. She’ll never know.” He eased the door open with only the tiniest of creaks, then the two slipped inside. He left it open a crack so they wouldn’t have to contend with the latch again later.
Ilan pulled their hood down, leaving their brown hair somewhat rumpled, and took an excited look around. “Dad and Papa have a lot of books, but these are all books about magic!”
“I know!” Elowen said, trying to keep his voice down, but he was also excited. “We can’t read all of them in only two days! So, we’ll stay up, and look at a few extra ones, and maybe we can visit another time to read more of them!”
“We gotta be careful. Like with Papa saying there are scary books and bad magic we shouldn’t touch.”
Elowen gave a big grin. “That’s what’s great about Auntie Gem. She runs a magic school, so she would put all the same types of books together, right? If we find anything that looks scary, all the ones near it are probably scary. So, we look for the ones that are for new wizards, like you and me.” He glanced up along the tall stacks of shelves “…But hopefully those are near the floor. I don’t think we should climb the ladders.”
Ilan raised their arms, barely lifting the hem of their robe off the floor to indicate how it might get caught underfoot while using a ladder. “No, I don’t wanna do that, anyway.”
~*~
Mezalea, Night 1… Day 2?
Joel nudged Lizzie as Mariposa began to cry for the fifth time since they had tried to go to bed. The infant had seemed fine at first in the unfamiliar crib, but after maybe two hours she began to loudly fuss and only quieted when Lizzie had picked her up and gently rocked her while pacing the room. The second time, Joel had tended to her, and when the rocking didn’t work, he checked if she needed a diaper change, then concluded she was hungry.
She had fussed a little when he offered her the bottle, but after quietly crooning a reassurance, she started drinking. He had gone over the rest of the instructions in his head in the meantime. Remember to burp her after each bottle. Don’t lay her down right away.
He had set aside the bottle and gently placed her against his shoulder, then very lightly patted her back. He heard what might have been a burp followed by what was definitely a hiccup. “Oh, you little, silly thing,” he jokingly scolded. Then he asked of the empty air, “How long do baby hiccups take to go away?”
Mariposa had stared cluelessly back at him, her turquoise eyes somehow still bright in the dimly lit room, and hiccupped again.
Now, though, Lizzie tried all of the previous things only to have Mariposa continue to squall. “Oh, what is it, little one? Auntie Lizzie is here. Did you have a bad dream? …Do babies even have dreams? What have you got to be so worried about, you don’t even know what’s out in the world… There, there. You sure you don’t want nice, tasty milk? Or a little walk to look out the window? See, there’s the sky out there, with pretty stars, and… and, oh, the sun is coming up. Well, we’ll walk around some more and wait for Uncle Joel to wake up, then he can help, too.”
~*~
Crystal Cliffs, Morning of Day 2
Gem tried not to worry when, having planned to wake everyone to have breakfast at the same time, she didn’t find the two children asleep in the room she had set up for them. Surely she hadn’t pushed them too much with magic lessons the day before; they couldn’t possibly have left to try to go home. Maybe they simply weren’t comfortable in the room, and had found somewhere else to sleep? But, where…? She didn’t have a spare parlor, or much space anywhere for children to get into, for that matter.
Then she realized she had overlooked the obvious. She hurried to the library.
The door was ajar. She sighed in relief but quietly pushed it open. There they both were, sitting in an armchair and both sound asleep leaning on each other. She could only shake her head in amusement at the sight of dozens of books scattered around the tables and even the floor. She underestimated their curiosity – or maybe their dedication to learning a new craft.
As she started to pick up the books, she snuck a glance at Ilan, glad to finally see their face. She hoped they would become more confident about themself over time; they certainly had enough of a talent for general magic to be a successful wizard one day.
~*~
Gilded Helianthia, Morning of Day 2
Azahar was awoken by quiet shuffling in the room. It was nearly time to get up, anyway, but he had figured that a vacation meant getting to sleep at least a few extra minutes. He peeked one eye open just to make sure his sister wasn’t rummaging in his bag.
What she turned out to be doing was finishing getting dressed – leggings and all – and then started acting out the warm-up stretches Pearl had tried to teach her the day before. Azahar continued to keep literally one eye on her to make sure she didn’t get carried away, but she seemed to be trying very hard to do them exactly the way Pearl had shown them.
He was intrigued. He hadn’t expected Rayen to have paid that much attention when, at the time, she had been more interested in swinging the toy sword around pretending to fight a monster. Apparently, she had a better memory than he would have given a five-year-old human credit for.
A little later, he and Pearl both became impressed by the way she very precisely imitated Azahar’s every pose as he repeated all the practice forms of swordcraft that Sausage had taught him and which Pearl had wanted him to demonstrate for her, intending to try to rein in Rayen for at least the morning – and it appeared to be working. Perhaps she would actually make for a disciplined fighter one day.
~*~
Grimlands, Afternoon of Day 2
Liana stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth in concentration as she slowly lowered a piece of copper wire into the form-fitted track of a wooden rectangle. When she figured she had it in place, she looked up at fWhip for approval.
“Yeah, that’s perfect! Well done, Liana. That’s how you can make sure a piece is lined up correctly to fit into the next part. How are you doing over there, Seren?”
The younger girl was playing with a dozen small squares of paper that had different shapes drawn on each side. She was attempting to match the shape from one to another so that they formed complete circles or triangles, with some extra lines thrown in to add complexity. “I got six!” she announced proudly. She held up two side by side to show one of the harder puzzles with two triangles nested inside each other.
“Very good! See, that’s how you can tell which pieces go together and how not to mix them up with something that looks almost the same.” fWhip grinned, rather proud, himself. This wasn’t so hard; the kids could have fun with simple components, and he could teach them some things about engineering. “We’ll do one more that both of you can look at, then we’ll pack things up so you’ll be ready to leave tomorrow morning, all right?”
“Okay!!” the two girls chorused.
As he set up another few pieces of wire, he smiled with the hope that even just one of the children might take an interest, and he could one day have an apprentice to help out with Sausage’s arm.
~*~
Undergrove, Morning of Day 3
Travelling on the back of a giant wolf was a new experience, but it was almost easy enough to think of it as a very furry horse. Gem had brought Elowen to the Grimlands to make it easier for Shrub to pick up both him and Seren, since the Undergrove was the neighboring empire, and it would be a shorter trip.
They did, however, take one break outside the border of the Undergrove proper so that Mother Wolf could rest a little. Carrying even two light-weight children along with one gnome was more than she was used to, but it was the best means of conveyance for Shrub herself, and it was just one more cultural experience for children who were, indeed, familiar with travel by horse.
As they stood beside a stream, Elowen noticed that Seren was gawking at Shrub. He tried to nudge her a bit to get her to stop, although he couldn’t help comparing his own height to the gnome’s, since he was looking down at both of them. It wasn’t too much, but still…
Seren seemed to have reached the same conclusion and blurted out, “You’re small like me! But you’re growed up enough to gots your own kingdom??”
Elowen put a hand over his sister’s mouth. “Seren, you met Queen Shrub before at your party last year, remember? W-We know gnomes are smaller than elves and humans, right?”
Meanwhile, Shrub chortled. “Queen sounds so formal! I kind of just look after the Undergrove, sort of like a guardian. A guardian of the forests! Like my wolves. We guard the forests together, and I also tend the mushrooms – here, see, look through these trees, you can see some of the skinny tall ones, and over on this side you can see the tops of a few more!”
That got both children’s attention, and Elowen exclaimed, “You have giant mushrooms here, too??”
Shrub smiled. Well, there was something familiar they might relate to more easily. “Yeah, I’ve got all sorts, not just the ones like around where you live! They come in so many different colors, and flavors—”
“Diff’rent colors taste diff’rent?” Seren asked. “I thought all muffrooms taste the same.”
“Nope! When you eat enough of them, you can start to tell them apart. Plus, some taste better in different dishes than others, like if you toast them over a fire or eat them raw or cook them with other things! You can try a few while you’re here, and I can send your dads a cookbook if you want to try more at home!”
Mother Wolf nuzzled Shrub’s shoulder then crouched down to allow everyone to climb back on. Elowen helped get Seren settled in place before joining, then off they went for a closer view. The trees became sparse, replaced by a huge range of multicolored mushrooms from regular-sized ones close to the ground, to ones that towered overhead – including the rainbow-stacked castle near the middle of the Undergrove.
“It’s so pretty!” Seren exclaimed. “There are a lot! And so many doggies, too!” She was watching as several wolves meandered around the paths between houses and animal pens.
“Those are Mother Wolf’s children. Like I said, they help guard the place.” Shrub patted the fire wolf’s side after she had laid down again to let them get down from her back.
“Oh,” Seren responded, “like Papa and Daddy has lotsa kids! You have a big family, too!” She turned and hugged Mother Wolf around the neck.
Shrub grinned at that. Mother Wolf licked Seren’s face, causing the little girl to giggle. “You’re like Bubbles! Just really, really big!”
Elowen had begun to wander away to have a look around, but stopped at one of the pens. “Que— um, Shrub, what kind of cows are these? I don’t remember seeing them anywhere before.”
The cows in question were distinctly red or brown, and – apparently, like everything else in the Undergrove – had mushrooms sprouting from their backs.
“Those are mooshrooms! Really versatile critters. If you milk them one way you get regular old milk, but with a different technique you get mushroom stew!”
Seren joined her brother by the fence and watched the herd for a moment, then stuck her hand through to pet the nearest one. “Hello, moo-moos.” When that particular mooshroom moved away, she withdrew her hand and went back to watching. Then she turned to Shrub to ask, “So… when you cook them, do they make beef soup with muffrooms in it, or do you has to put in the muffrooms anyway?”
~*~
The Overgrown, Day 3
Ilan instinctively kept hold of Rayen’s hand to stop her from running off toward one of the giant flowers, fully expecting her to want to climb it. To their surprise, she stayed calm for the moment, if not gazing around at everything in all its shades of pastel and coziness. Maybe the sheer fascination was keeping her in check. She did continuously take glances at the wings on Katherine’s back, too. Ilan could tell she was also itching to ask about them.
“And this over here is the fountain that grants visitors permission to take flowers from the Overgrown,” Katherine was explaining. “If you see any flowers here that you like, I can tell your dads, and they’ll be able to come by later to pick them up for you – then you can plant them in your own garden! You could also have ones that stay small and keep them in a flower pot in your room all for yourself.”
“You gots even more flowers than we do!” Rayen crowed, bouncing up and down on her toes. “Your whole kingdom is a really big garden!! Did Daddy and Papa get permiss’n a lots? ‘Cause they really like flowers!”
“Your papa likes to build beautiful things,” Katherine replied softly. “He expanded the gardens not just for the castle by itself, but to make something nice for your dad, too. So, yes, before they had children, they came here often to add more variety to their gardens. Do you want to learn about how flowers are named, so when you get home you can tell your dads everything you know about the flowers you already have there?”
“Yeah!! I know some! But other ones are just… red or… yellow.” Rayen pouted for half a moment.
Ilan laughed lightly. “That’s because their names are too long. You’ll remember them eventually.”
“Long names are hard! There’s, like… twenty million bazillion red ones!!”
Katherine giggled, as well. “That is true. Many flowers that have the same name come in a bunch of different colors. They can have different uses, too, like ones you use for dying wool or ones you can make into tea or medicine. And some have smells that can make you feel different ways, like helping you feel calm or a little more energetic. You can learn about all of that while you’re here, or we can just take walks and look around.”
“Learn, learn!” Rayen demanded. “Maybe calm smells can help when Mariposa is crying! ‘Cause she can’t tell us why she’s crying! But I wanna know what flowers to bring her so she can feel better!”
“That’s so sweet,” Katherine cooed. “All right, we’ll make a list of those, then you can ask your dads to help you pick some and they can set up a flower vase in the room for her. Ilan, is there anything specific you want to learn about?”
“Medicine,” they replied after a few seconds of thought. “And… ones that can be used for magic. I saw in some of Auntie Gem’s books that special flowers are ingredients for spells.”
“Oh, that’s right, you’re the budding mage of the family. Yes, I can show you some of those. We can mix up a few potions, too. You both just have to be careful around the glass bottles, all right?”
“Okay!!” the two children agreed.
~*~
Pixandria, Day 3
Liana skipped down the street humming her own little tune while Pixlriffs and Azahar walked at a more casual pace. The Copper King was giving the two children an extensive tour since Pixandria was quite off the beaten path; despite its desert sharing a border with Mythland, the city itself wasn’t exactly within walking distance, and they were unlikely to make visits until they were older – and perhaps on official royal business.
Pix was explaining the usage of the honeycomb farm to the more attentive Azahar when Liana’s gaze followed the path of a stray bee over to the middle of the square. “Ooh, Azahar, look at the pretty lanterns!” She tugged on the side of his shirt and pointed toward a tall but slender structure, where numerous colorful and slowly drifting paper lanterns hovered overhead. She stared up as the three of them walked over for a better view. Then she peered around at the sandstone shelves along the base of the structure. “What’s all those candles for?”
“This is The Vigil,” Pix explained in a gentle tone, knowing he was about to go into a very serious subject with someone who might not yet have a full grasp of the weight of it. “It’s a sacred place where people can either light a candle in memory of a loved one who has passed, or send up a lantern in honor of a wish someone might have wanted to make, but wasn’t able to. The magic in this spot almost seems to slow time, so the candles last longer, and the lanterns sort of get frozen in the air instead of floating away – where they might get lost. The flames for both do burn out at some point, however, and then there can be room for others to be added.”
Liana appeared to be processing everything he had said while gazing up at the lanterns again. Azahar had a thoughtful look, then a small if wistful smile crossed his face and he asked, “May I place some? They’re not for me, personally, though…”
Pix nodded. “You can memorialize whoever you like.” He added softly, “There isn’t a requirement or limit. The Vigil is a means for making peace with loss.”
He led them over to the stall where the various colors of candles and lanterns were stored, with suggested color matches for the regions of the world. Azahar took two cyan candles and two red candles, and then took a black lantern as well. “Hold this one for me. Careful, now.”
He passed the lantern to Liana, then carried the candles over to The Vigil. She and Pix followed; the younger elf cradled the lantern between her hands with utmost care, having come to understand the solemnness of this ceremony, if not quite figuring out what her brother had chosen to do. “Who’s love ones are those for?” she whispered as he set up the candles near to each other on the same shelf.
“For our siblings,” Azahar answered softly. “And this one for our Mythland grandparents,” he explained as he took the lantern from her, “Because Papa said they are missing, but I wish that one day they might get to meet us, and see the happy family we have together.”
Pix stepped in to light the lantern for the teen. “That is a lovely wish, young Prince Azahar.” He held the lantern aloft and gave it a small tap to send it drifting up to join the others.
Liana watched it for a moment, then said, “I dunno where my real mommy and daddy went, so I dunno if I should put candles or not.”
Azahar lightly patted her head. “That’s okay. You and I just happened to be doorstep babies, and it turned out that Papa and Dad needed us to be their family.”
“Liana,” Pix suggested, “Would you like to send a lantern up for your mum and dad? You can wish for them to know that you found a nice family – that might have been what they wanted for you.”
“Hmmmm, okay!” She followed Pix over to the stall, where he took out a cyan lantern for her. “Can I put a bunny on it so’s they know it’s from me?”
“You sure can,” Pix said with a kind laugh. “People sometimes put notes under their candles or tie one to the bottom of the lantern. Let me get you a piece of paper, hold on just a moment.”
Azahar leaned against one of the barrels, letting Pix handle helping Liana with her drawing. He remained there as they returned to The Vigil to send it up.
Pix was reassured by the happy smile now on Liana’s face; he had a feeling she now had a sense of peace of her own regarding her unknown origins. He himself had been gladdened by Azahar’s interpretation of the path their lives had taken that had brought them to become heirs of Mythland. Pix cast a proud look toward the teen. One day, there would be others who oversaw ways to cherish memories.
~*~
Mezalea, Day 3
Lizzie leaned against the wall while Joel leaned against her, both in danger of nodding off even while Mariposa sat crying in the crib. They were at a loss. “How much can one baby cry?” Lizzie lamented.
“Maybe we just have to admit we’re not her favorite auntie and uncle, Joel said with resignation.
“Aww, don’t say that!”
“Well, maybe she misses her dads. She probably recognizes what they look like, and her siblings, too. Neither of us look anything like them.”
Lizzie gazed down at him thoughtfully. “You could try growing a beard?”
“You do know it’s gonna take longer than one day for that, right? Also, Sausage doesn’t have a green stripe in his hair.”
“Darn, good point. My ingenious plan has already been foiled. Any other ideas, then?”
Joel sighed and stood up, glancing to where the latest bottle had been left. He picked up Mariposa to try rocking her a bit to see if it helped any.
Lizzie sighed, too. “I guess we need to call for back up.” She wearily heaved herself from her seat and went to find a piece of paper and quill.
“Dear Xornoth, I have made a terrible mistake…”
It took until the afternoon for communications to cross all the way to and from Rivendell, but Xornoth arrived soon after his response came via owl, which itself travelled faster than the Mezalean hot air balloon messenger. He gave the weary couple a sympathetic look as he entered the room, then he quickly took over, cradling Mariposa in his arms and talking softly to her while Joel packed up the baby supplies that had ended up scattered around during attempts to get the infant settled down.
Mariposa finally stopped fussing and mumbled instead, at one point reaching up a hand toward Xornoth’s earring. He lightly shook his head to make the jewelry jangle around. Mariposa let out a louder, “Ah-blah!” and when he lowered his head a little to let her touch the earring, she made a grab for his ear itself.
“Told you she recognized them. She knows an elven family member when she sees one,” Joel commented as he closed up the second supply bag.
Xornoth gently pried the little fingers from his ear then set Mariposa back down in the crib. “I mean, I have enough of a resemblance to my brother that she might see it, but I think a little baby noggin might catch on more to familiar colors and shapes that she sees regularly.”
“Still, you kind of worked wonders there. We tried everything, but I guess this is too out of her element. It might even be the difference in the air or different smells, maybe?” Joel’s voice cracked at the end. “Either way, I think we’ll keep the babysitting to a stay in Mythland. She might like that better.”
“Could be anything, who knows. Rivendell is colder than Mythland, after all, and she seemed fine there at the winter festival.” Xornoth shrugged, then went about securing the bags to a line of metal clips on his belt so his arms would be free.
He didn’t have far to fly to his intended destination compared to if he was going all the way to Rivendell. “Well, you two take care. If I remember correctly, you’ve got the boys next. I’m fairly certain they’ll sleep through the night.” He winked then pulled on the baby carrier and got Mariposa settled against his chest before the three of them walked outside.
As he activated his wings, Lizzie leaned to where Mariposa might see her. “Bye-bye, little one. We’ll come visit you at home someday soon, okay? Maybe you’ll like that better.”
Xornoth offered another sympathetic smile, then placed his arms securely around the baby carrier and took off at a moderate speed, not wanting to jar Mariposa too much, but soon she seemed to be giggling about the feeling of the wind ruffling the hair on the top of her head.
A short time later he landed in Gilded Helianthia. He had made a precursory circle around to see if Pearl was out in the fields, but since he hadn’t spotted her, he figured his best bet was the main farmhouse. He patted Bingo on the head on the way up the stairs, then rapped on the door before calling, “PearlescentMoon, I have a visitor for you~”
A moment or two later the door opened. Pearl glanced from him to the quietly babbling bundle in the baby carrier. “Ah. Yeah, I figured Lizzie was getting in over her head. Are you just dropping by for a little rest stop on the way? Which is actually a good idea. Not sure how the little one would handle a long flight.”
“No, actually…” Xornoth proceeded to grin, “Since all of this was your idea, I thought maybe you could partner up with me for baby duties. I still need to get a little sleep, too.”
“Cheeky elf. All right. I’ll have to rustle up a crib somehow, the plans hadn’t called for her to stay in my empire since it’s closest by and Sausage might come rushing over if he gets too worried.”
“Fair point. It wouldn’t take long to construct a simple one, if you want to hold her for a bit and show me where your wood supplies are. Oh, and we need to send a message to update the worrisome dads that I’ve picked up Mariposa for this round. We don’t need to tell them where I’ve stopped to watch her, though.”
He grinned and chuckled. The owl that had followed him back from Mazelea and was now perched on the corner of the roof hooted, sounding almost like it was used to such shenanigans from the elven monarch.
~*~
Mythland, Day 3
Scott requested the head court violinist to play for them in the dining room during lunch, then toward late afternoon the same violinist and a cellist joined the couple in the ballroom for a casual private dance session.
Sausage smiled softly as he held his upraised palm against Scott’s, his other hand tucked behind his back. “This reminds me a little of the masquerade ball, the one before all the, uh, chaos, and how we had a few dances together where it seemed like there was no one else in the world but us and the music.”
“I remember that one, and that feeling, yeah… I should have noticed the lovestruck look on your face back then, but I was still convinced we were just friends chatting the night away.”
Sausage’s smile turned a little bittersweet, regret almost surfacing in his eyes, then he initiated a turn in time to the instrumental piece’s change. “We should host a masquerade sometime. The kids would have a lot of fun dressing up, and it wouldn’t be as formal as their introduction parties were.”
“That is an excellent idea. Maybe we should let them pick the theme. I can already bet Liana will ask to dress as a bunny.”
“Maybe Seren and Rayen will pick different things and not try to swap accessories.” Sausage then laughed. “But imagine by the end of the night they’ve mixed everything up so much no one knows what their costumes are anymore!”
Scott chuckled at that, then after a moment he sighed. “It’s nice to have a dance to ourselves, but this ballroom feels too empty right now…”
“Time for dinner, then?” Sausage brought his arm forward and lightly wrapped it around Scott’s waist to bring their dance to a halt.
“We might as well.” Scott nodded absently, then they walked over to the musicians to thank them and bid them a good evening.
There was an owl waiting on the back of Scott’s chair when they reached the dining room. It stretched one wing lazily before hooting at them. Scott carefully took the message from the pouch around its neck. He smiled in amusement as he read it. “Well, that went as expected. Xornoth currently has Mariposa, and will hand her along according to the schedule. Poor Lizzie and Joel. They were even less prepared than we were for an infant.”
“Better change the sign on the crib,” Sausage said with a chuckle. “But I think if there’s ever a plan for this again before she’s toddler age, she’ll just stay with us, and everyone else can have adventures in other empires.”
“You’re forgetting the whole point of this is so we could get a full night’s sleep without a crying baby contributing to keeping us awake.”
“Okay, okay, okay – then next time she goes straight to Xornoth, unless someone proves ahead of time they can handle everything.”
Scott smiled warmly at him. “You’ve really got this overprotective father thing down pat.”
“Well, of course! We’ve been at this for over four years, and since the family keeps growing, I want to be sure all of them are as safe as possible and we know exactly where they are at all times!”
Scott’s expression now turned wry. “You know, I’m not sure either of us are really going to be getting as much sleep as Pearl hoped, because you’re absolutely right.”
~*~
Gilded Helianthia, Day 4
Pearl woke up to the sound of elven song coming from the guest room where they had set up the makeshift crib and Xornoth was using one of the beds when he was ‘off shift’. It seemed close to sunrise, just about when she would be getting up, anyway. She could remember being awoken by Mariposa maybe three times during the night, although on the third incident Xornoth was already reaching into the crib. He had stopped to tap a finger to his lips then shooed Pearl away.
Currently he sang a lively tune while lifting her up in the air several times to make her giggle. He did look tired, though, and Pearl was ready to take over watching Mariposa so he could get some more sleep – as soon as he happened to put her down.
“You’re really loving this role of being uncle, aren’t you?”
Xornoth chuckled quietly. “A little bit. I haven’t quite found that special someone yet, so I’m living vicariously through my brother’s children – although I don’t know if I want that many of my own. But if a little one like this happened to find their way to me, well, I doubt I could say no, either.”
He held Mariposa toward his face to tickle her with his nose, then kissed her on the cheek. She babbled and patted at him, nearly poking him in the eye, but he merely closed that eye and lowered her out of range where she could grab at the folds of his shirt instead. He smiled softly down at her. “Well, someday, maybe. My brother waited over two hundred years and then some to figure out the right one, so I suppose I could wait a few more…”
He seemed to space out for a moment, his smile fading to a pensive expression, so Pearl stepped closer to take the baby from him. “I think what you shouldn’t wait for is some sleep. I’ll handle the morning shift, and we’ll keep it quiet as we do the morning chores – right, Mariposa? You can learn all about running a farm! Or maybe you can just learn to gently pet the sheep and cows because you could fit inside the milk bucket, but forget about carrying it. Come on, little one. Your Uncle Xornoth needs sleep just like your dad and papa. My goodness, you are causing all sorts of trouble all over the place, aren’t you? So much mischief in such a tiny body.”
Xornoth smiled after them with his own weariness while Mariposa babbled a “blee-blee-blee” sound then cooed. Well, at least she was getting along with Pearl for the moment. He heeded the advice, however, and laid down with his arms folded behind his head, letting his mind wander to days of the past when he and Scott had been children. He dozed off to the memory of the first time they had encountered sheep together.
[To Be Continued in Part Two]
#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresshipping#empires smp fanfic#mythicalsausage#scott smajor#and the entire cast of S1#empires smp ocs#empires xornoth#dangthatsalongname#dang that's a lotta characters to tag#pearlescentmoon#shubble#pixlriffs#geminitay#fWhip#ldshadowlady#joel smallishbeans#joey graceffa#jimmy solidarity#katherine elizabeth#champions au: garden path#lunar yarns
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just wondering, what inspired you to start drawing mcyts?
That’s a great question!
My journey into MCYT started when I found Pixlriffs’ Minecraft Survival Guide series, which was still on its first season at the time. I hadn’t played Minecraft since I was a teenager but the Village and Pillage update was out and I’d heard they were doing bees next, so when I typed Minecraft into YouTube I just happened upon Pix’s channel! It was literally the perfect thing to have on in the background while I did schoolwork (chill vibe, extremely pleasant voice, teaching me things, colourful) and so I just enjoyed that for a while.
Eventually I got curious about Mumbo’s technical challenges and “building your silly redstone ideas” videos that’d show up in the recommended, and from there I watched his hermitcraft videos, and then I got into Iskall and Xisuma and eventually Grian and Scar through the Sahara Street build off in s6, and then when season 7 rolled around I was all in! I added new POVs as the season progressed.
And then Pixlriffs, who was still my main guy to watch, joined the first season of Empires! 3rd Life had introduced me to Joel and Scott and Jimmy and so I started watching their POVs after a while too.
The Copper King’s exile arc coincided with a very busy part of the semester for me and I was feeling really burnt out from not getting to make any personal art, so I kept myself awake during a lecture by painting him in the Thunder Shrine and it was the first post to this blog in like a year. But people liked it a lot! I had no idea there was a whole Empires fandom at the time and finding that was really cool! And then Pixlriffs, having seen the painting, sent me an email to tell me that he also really liked it, which was so kind of him to do. After that I was like “cool this is the only thing my brain will think about for the next two years” 😆
Flash forward from there and I’ve gotten to work directly with some of the CCs, my Saint Pearl idea was made canon and inspired multiple builds, one of my paintings was brought into the game and resides in Pix’s base, my as-yet-undrawn empiressona is a canon character in Sanctuary’s lore, I designed Hermes’ in-game outfit… So many extremely cool things!! And I’ve made so, so many friends in this community! I just keep getting more and more inspired by the artists and writers in the fandom and the unique way that stories are told in the Minecraft rp format—the way that fan creations can interact with the CC creations is like nothing I’ve ever seen before!—and I’m so happy to be a part of it. It’s the creativity from literally all sides that makes me inspired to keep painting mcyt stuff! (That, and the adhd lmao)
Thanks so much for the question!! I hope to be here making art for a while yet 😊
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here's my running list of things I'd like to see in the color of revenge:
roxane being like an actual actual witch. idk if cornelia is still using the word bufana but that's my #1. can sing so beautifully she makes the rocks cry? can make anything grow in her shitty soil? indescribably beautiful? her kids being really really good at everything?? (not to take away from jehan's dedication to his craft but there's no way there's not smth supernatural going on with him) I think I'd prefer dustfinger and the prince knowing (and dustfinger being like "....yeah jehan knows witches bc of roxane lol" leans into this imo) and getting to watch the kids have a crisis over whether they're human or something else, getting pissed at the adults for keeping it from them, but I will also take roxane having kept this a secret from everyone. I will likely cry blood if this doesn't come true at all but it's fine I'm normal and well-adjusted about roxane it's fine!
the bracelet stays. I'm on my knees begging
I think cornelia said she's got a queer in the book?? forming a prayer circle that's it's brianna but I'll take anyone (new or established) as long as they're written well. several queer characters would rock though would love that 4 me
fenoglio dies. badly.
farid and jehan having that adhd and autistic solidarity where they're best friends but also each other's worst nightmare
jehan dealing with a lot of (valid) frustration and jealously wrt farid and dustfinger. I'm almost definitely reading too far into it but the part where he's like "dustfinger promised he won't try to replace my birth father but he totally can bc I don't remember him lmao" is like. he's so glad to have a father again but farid's been out and about for so long that jehan hasn't really seen the extent to which dustfinger can be a father to a kid who isn't his biologically, and it was honestly very ugly watching jehan panic trying to take care of dustfinger during his mental breakdown but the second the prince says farid is fine, dustfinger calms down? like you have another son right there who needs you so badly, douchebag. anyway while this is not the fault of either kid I want jehan to be Pissed.
unwrite the part where it says roxane is pale because No She's Not 💗
DRAGON LORE¡¡¡¡¡¡ the laughing prince was said to have hunted dragons and I've been going crazy for 15 years over the way that was just said in passing?? I don't think living/awake dragons match the mood of this series but FUCK I could see nyame and the witch girl stumbling onto a graveyard or something and she'd get her stereotypical tiefling rant about how humans suck for killing beautiful creatures for their own gain and I would be cheering her on because I'm a whore for dragons
I sorta want dustfinger to have to give up his ability to speak to fire to bring everyone back. it's very fullmetal alchemist-stan of me but my f a v o r i t e type of sacrifice is the surrender of power
I'm already heads over heels in love with nyame but I want to be feral over him the entire time I want to be in his head I want to be in his past and his future and I want to see him brought to his knees and tempted with the power to bring about the change he so desperately craves and i want him to know in his heart and with metaphorical blood pouring from his eyes that replacing one reign of tyranny with another is not the solution he wants but hell does he want it and I want him to have the most beautiful conclusion any character has ever had and still get to make the world a better place on a large scale because he's the only one who consistently cares!! and hes so fucking tired.I love him so fucking much. nyame
would enjoy nettle showing up just to call dustfinger a bitch and leave. want that to be a running gag
loved the discussion about religion coming in and criminalizing reproductive healthcare. I feel like that was not the most appropriate time to have been having that conversation but I want it to stay and contribute to the theme of autonomy and agency that have always been at the heart of the inkworld.
#there are other little things id like but these are what i keep coming back to#ghost of a king by the gray havens is my top black prince song and can you tell i was listening to it while writing this#i hope you can tell nyame is like my favorite man ever written by the way i want him lowkey tortured. this is love#also i think it's very fun to be able to be like 'yeah my favorite fantasy men are canonically pro-choice 💅' bc how tf did that come up#please tell me things you want to see please please please#inkheart#the color of revenge#says kenna
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The great regular sleep experiment 2024 part uh... "pillow"
Okay, so what happened is the night before last I looked up everything I needed to go get my ID, and discovered that -technically- I didn't have anything that qualified as "proof of identity" because both my cards were expired and as a disabled person I can't qualify for a credit card, can't drive etc... In fact I can't even acquire something on the list. All the proof I have of who I am and where I live is technically only qualified as "proof of address", Having my passport -night- fix this, but my ex husband's father still has that.
So I decided that I'd show up with all I had, and if they were obtuse about it I would write angry letters exhaustively until there were policy changes. It's bad enough they make you get a new ID and health card every 2-5 years and that they make you pay for the photo ID. The applying online options would be great except you aren't allowed to the moment your card has actually already expired. I think there should be exceptions to a lot of these things for the disabled and especially for anyone on a disability pension.
I also decided that the best way to make sure I could get in and out as fast as possible was to get the earliest morning appointment I could and keep it, and I -could- book online so I did.
But then, it was my night sleeping shift, and even though I took sleeping pills and did everything I could... Not only could I not sleep at 10, but I couldn't sleep at 12, etc and so on until I had just laid in bed doing nothing until 5 ish am... At which point I had no choice but to get up because the walk there was going to take 1.5 hours min, and I had to eat and drink first, but also have time to pee after that had fully processed so I don't have to try to use a public toilet, etc... You know how a 9 am appointment means needing to be up at 4 when you're otherwise disabled and/or have autism/adhd...
So I fucking went to get my ID so sleep-zombied that I think everyone I encountered just assumed I was stoned AF, just absolutely wizard high at the government offices.
And I got my ID, but I hadn't brought my cane and I already could barely walk due to not sleeping, and kept tilting to the left because of trying to keep weight off of my right foot. I stopped at a dollar-store on the way home because it was right at opening and I needed to this week anyway to get the treats that make Pumpkin actually eat his food. Anyway point is I was walking way slower on the way back and the appointment was already at 9 am so I didn't get to bed until past 12.
And I slept! And then I was barely awake long enough to eat and went back to bed by 7 pm, and then I slept! On and off a lot until 6 am [I had moved my 5 am alarm later]...
And I am hoping I can sleep again in about 15 minutes, otherwise I am not going to recapture my 10-2 sleeps and my schedule will be soundly fucked up, all because I had to try to replace my ID.
[No I could not just take a cab or bus for the same reasons I never can without it being a near guarantee of being exposed to corona]
Oh yeah! The pillow! Turns out a shallow lumbar pillow for my lower back helps with my spine trying to be too straight all the time. The lower curve of my back and upper back have both been vanishing and my disks have been trying to curve out sideways because of it, and I have really shitty connective tissue, so I have been trying to keep my lower back curved the right way when I sleep so I don't develop an abnormal curve to my spine. For normal people this would be a process that takes years to cause problems and years to adjust back, or surgery, but my connective tissue is weak and stretchy and this kind of shit can happen to me and reverse int he span of a month. Unfortunately, correcting how bad my spine has gotten means an increase in the number of headaches I am getting again.
It also turns out that a lower back pillow that slips out of place is HORRIBLE for your back though, so ymmv.
So yeah, looking forward to my new ID photos looking utterly fucked... Which -frankly- is how I am going to look opening my door to buy alcohol or having to show up at a medical facility anyway.
That is, unless they pull the same shit as last time and send me my ID with the OLD photos because they can't see the age difference between them and think the older photo is better quality. They KEEP doing this, they insist I have to go in and take my mask off for a new photo [risk of corona and all], and then they just use the last one I took for them when I was still wearing makeup [more fem?]... Which is over 10 years old at this point, btw, it's just still on my last most recent ID because whoever is making the cards seems to prefer it. Like I don't care if I still look the same age, or younger with no makeup, I don't like having to show people an ID that looks like a 'modeling portfolio' pic and feels like misgendering. People already almost refuse to believe my ID is real because I look too young, I do not need them also thinking I don't look like the same person as in my photo because I don't look fem enough. I keep trying to take a more neutral looking photo and they keep opting out for me.
Whatever, they're telling me it's good for 5 years now.
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severe temporary side effects from adhd meds r soooo funny to me like. hi the pill you gave me so i could do my homework kept me awake for 84 hours. and they're just like ahaha my bad. yea that happens sometimes. medieval ass medicine. why am i a rat in my own personal trial
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You have kept saying Friday in Shanghai. It’s Thursday lol
wellllllllllllll fuck lol that's a bit embarrasing for me huh. I'm going to go fix all them now and also take my adhd meds because clearly my brain is not fully awake yet today. Sorry!!!
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Disabled/Neurodivergent Turtles
List is also on AO3 here.
The Salamandria Saga by kalachelone - A Leotello story set at the end of the world (physical disability; tw family separation, explict nonhuman sex)
Blindspot AU by Valpoet - SAINW where the brothers all survive (blind Leo; tw trauma, depression, mentioned self-harm)
A warming hug from a warm family to warm your heart by Lokisbur - The turtles wake up from a Mutant Wasteland, and Donnie has it worse than the rest (autistic Donnie; tw panic attacks, trauma)
Prognosis by servantofclio- Leo and Donnie come to terms with the nature of Leo’s injury (Physically disabled Leo; tw guilt, internalized ableism)
Quiet by Fight_As_One - A Quiet Place AU where the Hamato clan fights for their lives (Deaf Leo; tw violence, grief, major character death, guilt, trauma, horror)
Deadweight by MorikoTheHalfAngel- Leo and his family try to cope with all the scars Shredder left (Physically disabled Leo;; tw injury, trauma, panic attacks, nightmares)
Send Your Lifeboats Out For Me by Crowdog@Crowdog - Leo gets caught off guard and suffers life-altering consequences (Permanently injured Leo; tw eating disorders, rape, sexual abuse, tcest, panic attacks, child abuse)
Got Your Back by FoxGlade- Donnie comes to terms with the things that separate him from his family (Physically disabled Donne; tw discussions of ableism)
superfight by swordfright- Donnie and Leo’s latest fight spirals out of control (Phyiscally disabled Donnie; tw family dysfunction and mentions of ableism)
Silenced by DreamerofCurses- Leo struggles to communicate his new revelation to his father, with painful results (Vocally impaired Leo; tw child abuse)
Not Our Problem by Kyn- Leo hears a baby in a dumpster and unfurls the surviving turtles’ fragile lives (Blind Leo and OC with learning/developmental disability; tw violence, explict sex, attempted rape, family dysfunction, suicidal behavior, fascism, poverty, family separation, grief)
The Chronicles of Karai Getting Her Shit Together by Crowdog@50-shades-of-cloaca - A multi-chapter tries to survive with the help of a new family (Blind Donnie and physically
disabled/depressed Leo; tw underage rape, sexual abuse, trauma, victim blaming, internalized victim blaming, mental health issues, gore, torture)
spectrum by m00nie- Leo has autism and it won’t be overlooked forever (Auistic Leo; tw meltdowns, internalized ableism)
A = B = C by Screamless- Donnie learns to connect with his family in his own way (Autistic Donnie and ADHD Mikey; tw internalized ableism)
Mind Meld Part Deux by goldenspecter- ROTTMNT AU where Donnie can’t get away from what he did to his brothers forever (Autistic turtles and autistic/DID Raph; tw betrayal, family dysfunction, possible ableism)
I would not wish any companion in the world but you by BrightLotusMoon, Sissystinger- A reality spanning adventure exploring hearts and minds between the Bayverse and ROTTMNT universe (Autistic and ADHD turtles; tw ableism, violence, family dysfunction)
Bad at Communication by Lovely_Dovely - Donnie tries to help Leo out (Autistic Donnie and ADHD Leo; tw anxiety, insomnia)
It's 5 AM, Mikey by Screamless- Donnie puts his scheming brain to work when Mikey stays up too late (Autistic Donnie and ADHD Mikey; tw insomnia)
Assuming Command by slipstream- Bayverse AU where Raph keeps Donnie from falling apart as the family flees New York for their lives (Autistic Donnie; tw panic attacks, mentioned violence)
Trans Michelangelo by leaderinblue- Mikey experiences something very ugly (ADHD Mikey; tw underage rape, misgendering, violence, trauma)
kids by Hyakkei- Splinter asks Mikey and Leo a question (ADHD Mikey; sort-of-tcest)
Troubled Turtle by Crazy_Comet_97 - No one notices Mikey slipping towards the edge (Depressed/ADHD Mikey; tw suicidal thoughts, family dysfunction)
three o'clock in the morning by agotdamnclown- Leo is kept awake by a stream of dark thoughts (ADHD Leo with anxiety; tw self-esteem issues)
i can make you happy, too! by paindump- Mikey prepares to make a terrible choice (Depressed and ADHD Mikey; tw suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, depression, self-hatred, self-harm)
Enough by jelliclekitten- The turtles try to pull themselves together after Splinter pushes too hard (neurodivergent Donnie; tw child abuse, injuries)
Breathe by asandygraves for Werepirechick- Leo helps Raph keep himself together after a bad fight (tw dissociation, panic attacks)
turtles all the way down (and down and down and down) by leones- Leo struggles with intrusive thoughts (Leo struggles with OCD, although the author doesn’t want to fic to be taken as a an accurate portrayal; tw mentions of underage noncon, mentions of injury, self-loathing, self-hatred, internalized ableism)
soft words and even softer blankets by leones - Mikey helps a brother in need (Depressed Leo; tw internalized ableism)
pathetic by cxlesstial - Donnie has a secret he can't keep anymore (tw internalized ableism, self-harm, self-loathing)
Silk and Steel by katanashipping (stopbeingbored)- Usagi to help Leo as best he can (Leo with PTSD and depression; tw past injury)
Dog Days by runawaydirtbag - Karai helps Leo out during a dark stretch (Depressed Leo; tw self-hatred)
clinging to hope (what else is there to live for?) by leones - Leo receives help from an expected source (Depressed Leo; tw suicidal thoughts, implied self/harm)
ride it out by leones - Raph tries to help Leo at a dark moment (Depressed/PTSD Leo and Raph; tw dissociation)
A Petal Falling by FoxTheWriter- (Leo with anxiety and depression; tw panic attacks, eating disorders)
"I swear, I don't know who's killing you!" by leones - Leo celebrates a good day with his brothers (Depressed Leo)
No One Notices by Anonymous - Leo is overwhelmed with dark thoughts (Depressed Leo; tw self-harm, blood, self-harm)
On Some Days by Justalittleobsessed - MIkey doesn’t want to be the only one left (Depressed Mikey; tw trauma, grief, suicidal thoughts)
My R by cxlesstial - Leo’s pain brings him face to face with everyone else’s (Depressed/PTSD Leo and everyone else, tw trauma, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts)
Play the Fool, Pity the Fool. by Werepirechick - Mikey is pushed over the edge (tw suicidal attempt, family dysfunction)
And this is just my own stuff
“ senses ” by with friends like these, who needs - Raphael isn’t the first person to underestimate Mrs. Morrison (tw mentions of discrimination)
mind meld and me: some random autistic bullshit- My meta babbling about TMNT and autism, feel free to overlook competely (tw discussions of ableism and brief mentions of torture)
“ we can take it real slow ” from you could try and take us (but we're the gladiators) - Usagi helps Leo get ready to face the day (tw past injuries, mild internalized ableism)
gonna pop some tags - The TMNT shop for each other (physicall disabled Leo; tw mentioned tcest, frank discussions of sexual stuff)
i promise that you'll breathe again- Raph, Mikey, and Donnnie survive together (tw past alcoholism, grief, trauma, past tcest)
nothing here for me anymore (but I don't wanna be alone)- Karai and Leo flee for their lives together (physically disabled Leo; tw past underage rape, past sexual abuse, past forced marraige, past domestic violence, past abuse)
wave your hands in the air if you feel fine - Leo and his crew pack in for the night together (amputee Casey; tw incest, alcohol, past child abuse)
new year who dis by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters for Crowdog, leones- A list of Leoraigami New Years’ resolutions (physically disabled Leo; tw mild internalized ableism)
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#leonardo#leo#donatello#donnie#michelangelo#mikey#raphael#raph#disability#disability pride#physical disability#neurodiversity#disabled representation#neurodivergent representation#autism#adhd#ocd#depression#blind character#deaf/hoh#tmnt 2k12#tmnt 2012#tmnt idw#rottmnt#tmnt 2k3#tmnt 2003#tcest#noncon mention
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Mildly annoyed at my body.
Probably venting. Mostly complaining. Some medical talk.
I kinda want to get a second shift job, but I just got a raise and starting this month, I will be making really good money. Like, double minimum wage money. I don't think I'll be finding that wage anywhere else with no college degree and only 5 years of office experience...
I want to put more of my books on the shelves, the ones still boxed in the living room and the basement. Go through the comics I probably have no real attachment to, maybe offer them up somewhere. Put the books I keep thinking about that somehow didn't get their boxes marked "FAVE" and thus weren't put upstairs when I moved. They're in the basement. I KNOW I have more books by my favorite author. I've been wanting to reread the ones I haven't unpacked.
But I just ate. I can't go up and down the stairs, let alone carrying 2+ boxes and unpacking them. Not to mention, some of them are practically buried in others' boxes... I can't exert myself by moving them around, either. I might be able to reach the ones by the shoe rack, but I don't remember. I can't stand up and bend over to look.
For my stomach AND my back reasons. Ever since I had the neurology appointment, during which they twisted me in ways that made my mostly-fine back start hurting at a Level of 5/10 Again, and when I said it started hurting they kept twisting and asked if it still hurt. Yes! Fuck yes, it hurt WORSE!
And it still hasn't entirely calmed down. The pain now is worse than it was before the appointment. Even two weeks later (or is it three?). Even with lidocaine patches and muscle relaxers. They want me to start steroid shots. (And do physical therapy again, but I already spent most of my PTO built up this year on Sisu's vet appointment and my teeth. I need to build up more hours for things in April, a concert road trip and taking the day of the solar eclipse off because I absolutely REFUSE to miss the eclipse, when I live conveniently RIGHT in the path of totality! I can't take 4 hours off work every week because the PT only has appointments during my work schedule.)
I need to do at-home physical therapy exercises more often anyways, but I can't lay down (let alone lay on my side for 10 minutes) after eating, and by the time my stomach's done making me uncomfortably aware of the food I've eaten, I need to go to sleep.
And tomorrow, I want to watch some panels at an online convention and go grocery shopping and clean the pet cages and shower. Maybe sweep my room and do dishes. I'm still debating if I want to wake up at 10am for a panel on something I've often wondered about (thanks in large part to the name of a roller coaster at Cedar Point), but that will sacrifice about 4 hours of sleep.
Precious sleep. Which is ALWAYS a struggle working first shift. When I worked 3pm to 11pm, I slept for 9 hours every night, no problem. (I was constantly exhausted for Other reasons, but sleep wasn't the problem.) But working first shift? I have to fight my body tooth, nail, and pharmaceuticals to get it asleep before 11pm. Half the time it doesn't happen. The meds make me sleepy, but won't KEEP me asleep.
I take melatonin, L-theanine, herbal supplements (valerian and lemon balm and passionflower and lavender), magnesium citrate, and an anti-depressant and muscle relaxer, all in the desperate hopes that I MIGHT be able to sleep for 8 hours a night. (I struggle with delayed circadian disorder. It's not insomnia, because I can easily fall asleep and stay asleep if it's within my body's natural circadian rhythm. Sleeping about 1-3am, waking about 10:am to noon.)
It isn't the ADHD meds that keep me awake because, once again, due to my stomach being a Little Bitch^tm, I can only take them when I'm having Really Good Days with my stomach. Which is, at most, about 1 in 5 days. It's rare that I CAN take them 2x a week. Let alone every day.
At the core of it, if I didn't work 40 hours a week and didn't have to ride a bus for an hour each way to and from work and didn't have to wake up at 7am every day, I'd have more time and more sleep to endure and work around my stomach's issue with Being Active After Eating, and work around Needing to Sleep or I feel Dead On My Feet.
....though with the raise, maybe I'll be able to get my temps again, and once I get my license, have the budget to start paying for gas and parking downtown...? I figure that's another $200/month, at least, but even if I break even with what my cashflow is NOW, I'd get about 80 minutes of my life back every day. That actually sounds really nice...
But currently, as it stands, my schedule is perpetually packed and my body is perpetually fighting me on doing Anything Ever. =_= Not to mention, the ADHD making it really hard to overcome that executive dysfunction...
It's just frustrating, wanting to do So Much but needing 2 weeks to recover my social battery after being at a wedding for 5 hours. I can't catch up on sleep when my duplex neighbors are massive inconsiderate assholes who blast music every Saturday morning. I want to wake up a little early to hear a really interesting topic discussion tomorrow, but it comes at the cost of spending the entire next week exhausted from sleep deprivation.
Where's the Quality of Life when the amount of life you can live is so small, you can't fit a lot of Doing Things in it anyways?
Worst of all, I've been too exhausted to write, whether that's roleplaying or fic. I'm lucky if I can come up with 5 words for my Pokemon character to tag on a blog post. I can't come up with New Things Happening very often. I really desperately want to continue some Old RPs with Dove, but my brain is fried mush. It's burnt on the outside and just a gooey mess on the inside. I can't jog it enough to Imagine New Things.
I'm not exactly depressive. I'm having fun at the convention this weekend! I'm glad for the 5 words I can scrouge up on the Pokemon RP blog! I'm eating good food and stealing every minute of personal time I can get! I'm watching Teen Titans and ATLA with my roommates once a week! I only have minor complaints with my actual job duties! It's not All bad.
I'm just frustrated that working 40 hours a week is so fucking much to work around that it's a chore all its own to try fitting my life around it without sacrificing sleep health.
Fuck capitalism.
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