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goldenbloodytears · 29 days

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Do u think Danny would be okay with having his SO be his partner in crime. I feel like it really depends but I think he would be open to it as long as like he was still the one calling the shots you get me? Been thinking about this one all day 😭

An ask in my ask box! Oh boy! Thanks Anon :) So this is actually a concept I've been toying with for a while in relation to the magnum opus fanfic I've had brewing in my head for five years. Gonna put a read more since this got long thanks to my rambling; warning for brief mention of partner murder.

Edit: changed some wording for clarity.

I don't think he would react well to an SO knowing his secret in a regular situation unless he was dead certain this person isn't going to betray him. So, obviously, becoming his partner in crime is going to involve blackmail. If his SO accidentally or purposefully kills somebody? Does some other crime or horrible thing they don't want revealed? That's going to be used. I think there's also just the inherent threat of personal harm... But I don't see him doing that unless pushed into the situation--I think if something did result in the death of the SO he would be sad about it... like very angry sad. Look what you made me do kinda. Like somebody just took a toy away from him. I don't really subscribe to yandere style headcanons for him personally, but I definitely think he is possessive.

Anyways back to my point... I think Danny would enjoy having somebody know. I think it must be lonely and a little isolating the way he lives... and humans are social creatures.

I think when it comes to his SO acting as a partner in crime, doing murders... my personal headcanon on the matter is he's... rather into it? I don't think he would go out of his way to influence somebody into murder/violence (what is he? his old man? lol) but I think there's a kind of... appreciation for a display of strength like that. Even if it was an accident. He's gonna clean the blood of them and it's the most sensual experience he's ever had--his head is gonna SPIN! I actually think he would be completely caught by surprise, like discovering a kink you didn't know you had (I mean that's exactly what it is, let's be real) He's been formed into this person to be okay with violence and it's not something he really gets to share/experience with people. He's not a veteran so he can't share "war stories" of his experiences, the closest he would get to this kind of thing for the average person is maybe hunting... but there's a keen difference in hunting a human than, say, a deer? I think having an SO as a partner in crime would be... like toxic good for him... I'm assuming the SO is a willing partner in crime. I can see him really enjoying somebody gassing up his ego (totally tempted to make a Harley/Joker comparison here). HOWEVER, I do think he would be an absolute pain in the ass about his works, his stories... I don't see him sharing Ghost Face with somebody, so it would be convincing him to either change gears to something else, or putting up with that.

One change I could see happening is having the SO, if they have writing chops or come from a journalism background, taking over the paper-writing/reporting aspect. The original background in-game (not the tome) mentions that some of the articles he's kept were not written by him, so as much as I feel like this is still an imperative part of his modus operandi, it's clear he still takes a nice fat dopamine hit for the sake of his ego from other people writing about him too... and therefore I could see him being flexible with it, because if the SO is his partner in crime, he can still influence what they write--he just doesn't have to work double shifts anymore LOL

Is it too cracked up to make a joke about Danny and his partner-in-crime SO getting a house in some random town and posing as a totally normal man and his spouse by day but then murdering people by night? IDK you decide. I'm kinda just picturing that one song by the Mountain Goats.

#danny johnson #dbd ghostface #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny jed olsen johnson #headcanons #ghostface x reader #ghostface x oc #ghostface x you #partners in crime AU

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br1ghtestlight · 9 months

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would like to hear objectsonas ramble :DD

tbh i posted that so i could trick my friends into private messaging me but since u asked nicely i will actually talk about them publicly :)

uhh jayden's parents met at a high school party when they were like sixteen and they went to the same high school beforehand (obviously) but never really talked very much. he was the product of a one night stand and when his mom told his dad about him a few weeks later he was like im not going to be a dad im sixteen!!!! and his parents basically offered to make this whole thing disappear and he moved schools and never talked to jayden's mom again (fair enough whatever he was a stupid kid) jayden is named after his father who was also named jayden (just jayden. not jayden junior or jayden the second bcuz he took his moms last name anyway) bcuz his mom wanted to honor that part of him

jayden's mom is like REALLY academically intelligent like a straight A+ student she's very smart and analytical even if she never got a chance to go to college or get a good job bcuz she had kids. he ended up getting a lot of that from her even tho he doesn't use it in the same way..... he is without a doubt the smartest of all my ocs and its not even close

his dad was also pretty smart but more socially intelligent. he was popular and very like uhhh he thought about BIG things like religion in the universe he questioned everything and talked back in class A LOT. he was incredibly manipulative and could easily get people wrapped around his finger and ask anything from them etc like very intelligent but he didnt try as hard in school bcuz he didn't care and he didn't like authority telling him what to do or demanding respect from him without earning it (all of these are traits that jayden also developed he's very similar to his dad but maybe a bit more responsible than him) i have absolutely no doubt that jayden's dad went on to develop a billion dollar business or he ended up running new york city or something bcuz he was just that inherently intelligent + powerful (for better or for worse)

i dont think jayden resents his dad for not being there bcuz honestly He doesnt think about his dad at all like he just doesn't exist in jayden's mind and he goes through life pretty much believing that his mom didnt know much about his dad either (whether or not thats actually true) jayden never once thought "why didnt he love me enough to stay" or "why didnt he reach out" bcuz he's just a very logical and intelligent person. but he also doesn't form connections with other people very easily so its probably true that he COULDN'T feel anything for his dad bcuz of that emotional dissociation. doesn't mean he doesnt make jokes about having an absent father occasionally bcuz he thinks its funny even if he doesnt care

jayden's dad (and mom obvs) did graduate high school but jayden never did. his mom very much pushed him to get a good education and good grades and get a high-paying job and be successful in life bcuz she always wanted the best for her son but jayden is just another type of person. he has such a complex perspective on the world and he is very smart BUT he inherently hates being controlled or being told what to do so school and work were never going to be for him. he'd rather be homeless and living on his own terms than rich but working a stuffy 9-5 job and following someone else's orders (which is fine but it does create a lot of problems for him with attachment to people/things) he got into a lot of fights with his mom bcuz of this and after he dropped out she basically told him to go back to school or he would be kicked out of the house and be left on his own with no support from her (she thought this would be enough to convince him to go back) and he took off and never looked back Which really she should've seen coming knowing jayden and knowing what his dad was like *shrugs*

#his dissociation and detachment from pretty much everything is the real problem in his life #bcuz its one thing to drop out of school but if you dont care about anyone or anything then why are you even alive in the first place #if you can never be hurt by anyone why are you even HERE #but fortunately he finds himself in a group of people he really has to be invested in for his own livelihood and he grows up a bit #definitely he is a love letter to a few different people ive known in my life #ask #object ocs

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uwusillygirl · 1 year

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Ok feeling v validated at you posting a normal people gif bc it literally hit me when reading for service and devotion the other day (and then subsequently rereading a better taste as part of a "Chrissy's Boss Is A Dick" edit) that this Chrissy and Eddie give me BIG Marianne and Connell vibes with the way Chrissy's subservience could maybe be kinda dangerous (seems like a dramatic word but can't think of a better one) in the hands of someone who exploited it but with Eddie she's able to deal with it in a much more healthy way, and even though it's not something he really wants (although I think Eddie enjoys it considerably more than Connell did) he's happy to explore it for her. When the book first came out I remember having a discussion about whether Marianne and Connell actually make a "good" couple, whether we really want them to be together in the end, and a friend said he felt the relationship was good for Marianne but not for Connell and so ultimately didn't want them to stay together as it was kind of unfair on Connell, even if it was by far the best outcome for Marianne and the negative effect on Marianne from not being with Connell is much greater than the negative effect on Connell from being with her (I don't necessarily agree but I do get his). This series forms a nice little alternative to that in which their relationship genuinely feels like a positive for both Chrissy and Eddie and there's no real need for that debate.

Idk this is rambling and not super exciting but it just felt very nice to see that you are aware of normal people and maybe it was something that might have been playing on your mind subconsciously whilst you were developing this relationship so it wasn't so ridiculous for me to have drawn that parallel myself.

No need to respond, in fact the main thing I came here to say is that I'm really excited to see you on here. I never have anything particularly interesting to say on AO3 except that I love everything you've ever done but I do enjoy reading all the comments and the way the discussions you and others have enrich the characters so much - I'm hoping there will be more of that on here too!

"no need to respond" like i could ever possibly resist an ask as fucking JUICY as this... and i am LITERALLY in the midst of a normal people reread right now like this could not be more perfect.

okay so in terms of first one's free, normal people was absolutely sort of stewing in my brain subconsciously as i wrote it, but only because i'm like always thinking about it lmao. but EVENTUALLY it actually became sort of active when i started reflecting on that one line everyone screams about all the time the "sometimes i think god made you for me" bit and how it's like... is there ever a way for that to be a positive? like how are you not meant to mistreat someone custom made to your preferences? (so in short your parallel guess is like so right! though most everything i reblog on here and intend to reblog i think can be at least tonally tied to my writing lmao)

anyways so i tried to see how that would look like in a slightly less miserable way than normal people and how even if chrissy is like all american dream girl she's also like intense and often unwell enough that it takes effort on the part of eddie to like ... care for her (which connell, i would say, doesn't take with marianne because he's less self assured, so cripplingly afraid of other people's perceptions, and has a sort of irrational fear of catching marianne's "damagedness" like a flu).

it's extremely interesting the way we all sort of have different reads of normal people and who the relationship "works better" for/who would be ultimately happier in it (like it blows my actual mind that someone u know read it as "unfair" on connell more so than marianne like that actually fascinates me).

and it's also interesting that you mention the idea of like a "safe" space to explore inherent subservience, because "safe" means so many different things when it comes to that urge. i always am struck by the way that while they always have that sort of fucked power dynamic that turns her on, marianne's masochism, to me, only ever gets truly fulfilled with connell through their sort of fucked up pattern of him leaving her every once in a while/only wanting her for support and sex. it's like the purest form of masochism to her. and when they're relatively happy and she sort of wants him to handle it through more traditional bdsm routes (which i am so conflicted about the presentation of that in the book, but anyways. and yes eddie def enjoys all that way more lmao.) he sort of blanches and that's like "too much" for him but her groveling for him, claiming she just wants to make him happy, and all that less official but more soul-sucking subservience like really gets him off.

okay WOW so many thoughts, many of them self-indulgent, thank you SO much for reaching out! and thank you for the kind words about my stuff! i'm so happy to be here and chatting with some of u!

#ask #partial first one's free inspiration

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simmonsized · 2 years

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It’s okay, rambles are fun to read. Anything that talks about a character I like is inherently entertaining by default.

I just realized how much I’ve been sending you asks, I apologize. This is way more than I planned but it’s just really fun.

That’s true too, about like the older guardians. I recognized that they’re harder to talk about like we do with the strilonde Guardians, so general thoughts about them are cool too!

It’s very sweet how much Alpha Rose cares for her brother :)

Mom and Bro are my favorite subjects, mainly because their history is so unavailable. It’s just pure speculation. We get hints of it with Mom because she works for Skaianet but Bro? What the fuck is his deal?

We can say the same thing for Alpha Dave and Rose and we can just assume they had a similar upbringing in some ways, but that just brings us back to “what was up with you guys??”

Okay, it’s Mom and Bro time because ofc I have to ask about them again. Still pretty interested in that traveling stuff that’s been hinted in your fic.

Also, I just reread some of the Bro POV chapters and I love when they hug. This one person I was talking to jokingly described them as the unstoppable force and immovable object. I thought it was the cutest shit ever. I just wanted to share that.

Hello sorry I put off answering this because I've been busy BUT

yes, alpha rose and dave are stupid codependent and it is tragic and silly but they'll be okay. one day.

but who cares about them (me) MOM AND BRO AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?????????????????????????

(RNG canon stuff obviously) I feel like it would be spoiling what i call the (well i call it by my name but for simplicity we'll say my url) deserts cinematic fic universe where i just. have connecting plot points between all my works for no goddamn reason BUT

Basically the little headcanon is that Mom and Bro were on their own in their respective Places (New York, Houston) for the first thirteen years of their lives. Canon to the Skaianet logs (once again, cringe and bad but like, works for me thematically), Harley set them both up with financials, but we'll assume they didn't have real access to them. I like to think it was Nanna who eventually couldn't fucking take how badly these two little punks were doing anymore and insisted on intervening. Bro was up to some. Not good shit lol it involved swords. Mom was just being a brat somewhere

ANYWAY due to the obligations of the session and timeline they couldn't KEEP them (nanna had a husband and son and a job to do after all and harley is. well. harley) but they did a lot of VISITING, mostly flying to washington to stay with nanna for the summers, and sometimes bro would even get flown to new york if harley was in town. grandpa let roxy visit the island (once) but never bro. go fucking figure (though if hiveswap is to be believed he did have a creepy old house in the woods too LOL). it came to a head when they were 16, and nanna and grandpa decided they were old enough to be sat down and told about The Stuff (though in my world guardians always kind of Know though whether that comes with age or not, who is to say, but like, u know, basically laying out the feeling for them into a concrete idea.

Bro already knew that all, ofc

grandpa tells mom that she's gonna be getting the house and stuff and then she and bro get into a fight abt it bc he loves her but he's so horribly bitter and jealous and already knows he's going to die yes i guess this is spoillies but whatever, and anyway that is how they like, friend breakup. Bro goes back to doing his fucked up sword thing, Mom waits for the house to be built.

once the house is built she invites bro back to new york but he's Different Now in a way she can't explain and it's so obvious his heart is all closed off and he just. sucks!!! god that guy sucks but i love him

ANYWAY YES they used to spend summers in different places but always houston, wa, or new york and stuff together! and they'd share a suitcase bc mom would constantly lose hers, so bro would always underpack so he conveniently had room for her.

anyway they love each other but have deeply hurt each other

razzle dazzle

#me rambling at length for silly purposes obviously #the run and go fic #sort of lol #technically it's spread through like #waves hand lol #u know #BUT STILL!!!!!!#i could talk about them all day but show vs tell etc etc hahaha

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claycoloured · 1 year

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Kink talk below+long rambling thing abt god knows what

U know what really grinds my gears?? Being asked if I'm a little. Not bc there's something inherently shameful or wrong abt it, but bc I've only ever been asked at like. Weird, uncomfortable times. I had someone over for the first time a while back and bc i had just finished assembling the skeleton for my tiny toy mouse's flat, and had talked to him about it before, i went to show it to him. I was talking about it in a very like, distinctly adult way about how it had been really therapeutic for me to do something kinda mindlessly creative, and he was like 'oh, so is this like a...thing? If it is, that's fine! The girl I'm dating is a little!'. Like. HMMMM. Hmmmm. The second time was when I was telling a friend about my recent breakup at a munch, and a friend of hers sat down w us. This person doesn't know me at all but I'm like fine, they look like they could do w a bit of gossip, so I go to do a quick recap of what she's missed. I get to the literal first thing my now-ex said to me when we broke up, which was 'so, could you maybe describe why what you did was wrong?' in this really condescending, self-righteous tone (fyi, i responded 'i don't thank that's a productive way to start this conversation' lol), before they interrupted to be like. 'Quick question – are you like, a little? Because –', 'no, no, absolutely not'. I found it particularly annoying in that context because like. Even if i was, i think i'd find it INCREDIBLY unbalanced to have a serious discussion in public (which i'd made clear to this stranger) while inhabiting the roles of the dynamic. There's an inherent power imbalance and trying to resolve a genuine issue in that space seems wildly inappropriate and problematic to me.

I also found that said ex would treat me like i was more naive than i actually am and infantalise me both during arguments but also in like, regular life. I found it cute at first but when that was the predominant way he'd treat me, i just felt kinda annoyed and like he was ignoring my actual self. Which i guess is what he WAS doing, since most of his issues with me stemmed from me not living up to his kinda...manufactured, detached expectations of me. He very much wanted me to be someone I'm not and when I inevitably disappointed him, he got angry. Idk. I don't think we should've dated, but been fwbs or something. ANYWAY. I'm very much over this person but sometimes I get SO ANGRY with him for putting all the blame on me when it was really obviously an issue of compatibility, both in terms of like how we approached being in a relationship and in terms of emotional maturity and personality. Grr grr grr

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satorugojowidow · 2 years

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hey what do u think about yoko hikasa (utahime va) comment about utahime doesn’t hate gojo??

I haven’t found that comment. I did a little search and found nothing else but fans commenting that comment, but not the source. I will be grateful if you can link me to it.

Gojohime is a no in this blog. The idea of Utahime in love of someone who disrespect her constantly is misogynist. And the pairing is just a regular form of that conception of love that results from the myths of romantic love. I won’t elaborate on this because I don’t think it is what you came for. But if someone is interested about romantic love and the problems of it, I can put my hands on my library and make a post about it.

Does Utahime hate Satoru? Sometimes I feel some fans have a very childish understanding of human feelings and human relationships. I feel like some people think that you can feel one thing at the time and that feeling is always radical. People are inherently contradictory and live in constant contradictions between feelings, ideas, morals, necessity, etc. Human existence is complicated. But I will stop ramble and answer. Utahime dislikes Satoru but doesn’t hate him. Neither loves him (the absence of love doesn’t mean hate and vice versa).

Let’s think about their relationship. Satoru has an annoying personality and he enjoys teasing others, as a result many people dislike him and wouldn’t spend time with him. Utahime is a victim of those teasing and that is the reason that she dislikes being with him. But at the same time Satoru is someone who protects others (stopped executions) and probably has rescued many fellow sorcerers in mission and saved them from dying. Someone like Utahime recognizes this help being directly or not a receiver of this help. Even if Satoru never actually rescued her, the fact of him taking the worst mission is a help. Since Utahime is a good person, it is hard to hate someone who has a positive impact on the world and the people you care about (students). Plus, even if he is constantly disrespectful there is no straight intention of Satoru in hurting her. Of course, his words can hurt her anyway but I am not writing this as an excuse to Satoru, but to understand Utahime's complex feelings toward him. Because she does realize that he is not intentionally trying to hurt her. Thereby, Utahime deals with a person that she dislikes because of their personality but in which she trusts.

Satoru doesn’t have friends because he is annoying, but not because he is a bad person. Utahime doesn’t like him either as friend or lover for the same reason, but she doesn’t hate him. If Satoru asks her to hang out she would say no, but if he asks a favor to save his own life she would say yes.

And that is the thing about good people, it is hard for them to hate others. Those others should do something very bad to gain their hate. And this the thing about them, Satoru disrespecting her and the fact that his teasing has some form of misogyny but all that coexists with his help and the fact is someone in whom you can trust. So Utahime doesn’t hate him, just dislikes him.

#jjk reply #utahime iori #satoru gojo

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creacherkeeper · 3 years

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ooh if ur up for elaborating ur hcs would u be down to expand on kristen's 'unit of cptsd w freckles'? also in the neurodivergence sector she adaine and fig all give me major adhd energy 👀 the bad kids....adhd autistic solidarity incarnate

i LOVE neurodivergence headcanons!! for me personally i hc adaine, riz, and gorgug as autistic, and fig and fabian as adhd (a friend said she sees her tourettes in gorgug which i think is valid too!!!). might type all that up formally at some point

kristen is just ... like yes all the bad kids for sure have gone through trauma, but i think kristens is pretty different in how it took shape. like she does have shitty, unaccepting parents, and the whole queer realization in a homophobic environment, but she also has the religious trauma at having been raised as the chosen one of a cult?? and i think that all just adds up. so for me its hard to get a read on her as autistic or adhd or anything like that because i think the cptsd just really forms a lot of things. like not everyone would agree, but as a long-time disability advocate who literally does this for a living (as a disability coach) i COMPLETELY see cptsd as a form of neurodivergence and think it can be just as influential on someones personality and behavior as anything else

like a lot of things i think you can read in a meta way about how ally plays her in freshman vs sophomore year or dice rolls and things like that, but im trying to just look at what we get in the story

like just looking at some of the categories of diagnosis of cptsd (and keeping in mind that symptoms of trauma frequently show up AFTER the victim is in a safe space and not while theyre still experiencing it):

affect and emotional regulation - shes FAR more outwardly emotional in s2, but also isnt very consistent about how those emotions present. like compare her super chill calm and detached demeanor in the mirror!riz fight versus her completely flipping out and sobbing and needing comfort after seeing kalina for the first time. like they definitely know a lot more by then but i think kalina is way less scary than a literal horror monster demon version of your friend?? also compare her behavior in s1 (mostly controlled and thoughtful with some occasional emotional outbursts) vs her in s2 seeming to have a much harder time with words, organizing her thoughts, communicating, reading other peoples emotions, responding ‘appropriately’, etc (some of which you can read as cognitive/executive functioning issues too)

attachment - has to actively figure her way out around boundaries (with tracker, sandra lynn, jawbone, the other bad kids) in a way that is a little more intensive than a healthy 17 year old

behavioral control - swings from being VERY self controlled and regulated (more than is healthy) to VERY loose with sexual activity (to the point of being inappropriate around others, even adults) and uses drugs, alcohol, and gets tattoos. definitely has some problems with impulse control (like okay the ribbon dancing out of a building was FUNNY but also. kristen ....,, and there are a lot more examples of this too)

self concept - i mean her whole religious journey in s2 kind of reflects this, but i think the best example is her spirit guardians. like the spirit guardians are a reflection of HER OWN ideology and beliefs and yet like?? theyre very critical and dismissive, even of kristen’s own person and choices? and tend to be very emotionally checked out of everything and encourage her to be as well. like a lot of the “sitting back sipping a cortado” persona tends to be reflective of the spirit guardians, but also the “trust nothing believe in nothing” which is indicative of a lot of self doubt and trust issues. and then like, with cassandra, there’s the LITERAL embracing of a lack of identity, of undefined personhood, and a lot of very risky choices in order to embrace doubt and unknowing (i think cassandra’s whole thing is pretty cool but i think it can come from a healthy or unhealthy place depending on the person, not saying which it was for kristen)

i think her not being able to tell where her cleric powers come from, something that like ??? is VERY inherent in the basic basic concept of what clerics are, could definitely be put under the “self concept” category but also may point to some sort of dissociative or depersonalization tendencies

anyway 8) did anyone ask for me to ramble for this long?? is this what yall wanted? woe, cpstd headcanons be upon ye

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #kristen applebees #nd headcanons #HI I TALKED FOR A LONG TIME #sdggsdj yall cant just tell me to TALK about disability stuff because THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN #no i do love it though #i will talk about disability headcanons all day every day #as ...... evidenced here ......#i might have to type up other bad kid nd headcanons tomorrow #appleciders

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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with input-only study first, output/production done later: how do you improve production skills?

this is a bit of a self discussion, spurred by this vocabulary test: https://href.li/?https://itt-leipzig.de/about-the-vocabulary-tests-2/?lang=en

It got me thinking about how so many input first output later study plans exist, and if output skills actually work ‘that easy’ or if there’s additional study that needs to be put in (and wtf ARE those additional study methods that’s needed?)

anyone who’s learned languages through input first, then waited to output (produce) until later, i’d love to hear your opinions on this?

mass immersion approach/refold/Steven Kaufman (and those with similar study methods) tend to think you get lots of input first, then once you can listen/read with very good comprehension, speaking/writing can be worked on and should be possible with only some grammar/pronunciation issues you can note and correct with a tutor - and that may not happen at all if you ‘only produce stuff you know well’ from input.

well... i’m wondering if in general, that means the ability to know those things well... comes really late? like a year after good comprehension itself late?

i assumed i’d have to work on production skills anyway, since i personally don’t think production skills are quite that easy? Like for french, you can passively understand le/la and une/un for every word but it takes more work to memorize which word they go with. For chinese it takes a lot less work to passively learn to read hanzi then to write them from memory. I would assume this also applies to grammar for me?

And what my current issue seems to be: I can read fine, infer synonyms fine (for where I’m at), follow the main idea fine and locate key info okay, with listening skills improving at a good rate now that I’m working on them. I can produce in the sense I can message in chinese with people. But given a production test - as in “fill in the correct word for these sentences” (not multiple choice but from memory), I cannot do it very well. While I have plenty of practice ‘reading’ those words in their correct general places, I have a hard time recalling from memory what word would fit well in a blank compared to english. (Where if someone said “Let’s go catch the ice ____ truck” in english i’d be able to guess cream is the missing word, I can’t do something like that in chinese). This would be an issue those input-early-on methods don’t cover - what if I have some production skill, but can’t place the right words from memory for the right situations when I am missing a word. In reading, in listening, this is fine as i can compensate and guess and i’m just putting in an english meaning guess in my mind (i’m assuming). But say someone speaks to you, forgets a word, I would not be able to go “oh you mean X?” Like I can with my mom when she forgets a word. I could not pass a production test - the key thing. And if i use words, i’m guessing the rate i use them in ‘weird positions’ is higher. Like using “where’s the brush” for toothbrush, or “i’m going for a stroll” instead of “i’m going for a walk” (just using a less common variant), or “I’m going marching through the woods” instead of “i’m going hiking through the woods.” or “i are tired” instead of “i am tired.” or the ever common mistake i made until high school “i want to go their”, “those people, there nice”, “they’re stuff looks cool.” (i had to read rules to stop messing up their/there, and then/than).

Now i’m wondering what i’d even get on an english production test from the site lol. With u know 26 years practice ToT lol. I know in writing I can do it well if it’s a essay, i ramble in blogs so you wouldn’t know lol. I know in actual spoken conversation though I often make incorrect word slips and have to backtrack, I just...talk fast and my mind recorrects after the fact lol. Update: got 86% on an english production test, and 99% on recognition. So I would say the production test may somewhat depend on your cultural knowledge/what’s normal to the english speaking world the test’s sentences use - I would say as a native english speaker, I can produce language fine but the test may utilize some context sentences I rarely run into. So... the chinese test, I would assume, I’d be some percentage worse simply because of similar issues.

Lets guess 5% worse - since part of learning production is knowing correct context to use words in. So if I knew chinese production skills WELL, 14-15% I’d expect to get wrong (since I got that much wrong in english). Plus maybe another 5% because I’m not as surrounded by all the contexts they might use in the test. So if I were my ‘ideal’ chinese production score, it would be an 80%. I would assume that’s realistic to achieve, if I learned the context words belong in relatively well (as good as I did in english, minus some because without being surrounded by the context I probably would miss more but I shouldn’t miss MANY more or it impedes people’s comprehension of me?).

Well I took the chinese vocab production test. I got 19%. DANG.

So that’s 71% recognition, but only 19% correct context production. This is exactly what I mean when I ask: how does input-only first studying, eventually help output? Because at the moment my output is PAINFULLY LAGGING BEHIND my input comprehension skills. Its lagging by 52%!!

Assuming my production goal is 80%, rather than the 86% I can do in english - I still have 61% improvement I NEED TO MAKE.

Also, if this lagging stays at about the same range behind comprehension skills, then even once I can recognize chinese 99% (equivalent comprehension to my Native Language English), my production skills would be at 47%... that’s not very good... (not bad, but not ‘great production skills’ lol).

So??? Unless at some point in immersion/input learning, you know enough that your inherent production skills jump up? I do NOT see input-based learning to be enough to develop overall production skills.

Also, most people will not WAIT to produce language/output until they’re at 99% comprehension. Most people will be satisfied at a lower comprehension (and if they don’t read novels, which Refold does NOT require, then there’s no chance they’re getting to full 100% comprehension before they start outputting). Most methods that suggest input-only study first, do not make learners wait until they 100% comprehend things to output - they just say to wait 1-3 years after input-only study first. So... how DO you develop production/output skills at that time???

Because... I do not see where the “you’ll naturally have good output skills after a certain level of comprehension” idea comes from. Its not true of me. I’ve studied 2 years, and while on a basic level in some instances I feel I can talk about a variety of subjects (not deeply, but on a conversational chat level). That is it. That’s like A2. And that’s certainly not enough to pass a test requiring high production skills - maybe a beginner test. I’ve studied long enough to start reading books, that does not mean my production skills are equivalent.

I’m curious what people who do input-first methods DO to actually improve production skills when its time. Because... I doubt it comes out almost-fine right away.

Like... if I wait for my comprehension of chinese to be 80% (which is when I’d count on this test as comprehending the 5000 most common words fine, and depending on my reading level may be when I feel I’m mostly satisfied with dropping as much focus on vocab input study - though who knows as I hear 15k vocab needs to be learned for languages with no cognates), If my production skills lag at the same rate they’ll only be at 29%.... that still is probably quite basic expressions.

#rant #may #may progress #article #mia #massive immersion approach #refold #stephen kaufman

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warmthpdf · 3 years

Note

feel absolutely free to ignore this if it upsets u or makes u uncomfy but i just wanted to ask…how do you make or find new friends? i like the friends i have but there’s only one who really knows me and the others never make me comfortable or happy the way friends should…and i’m trying to be out there and open but i’m not sure how to make new connections, especially during the summer. anyway it’s ok if u don’t have an answer i hope u have a lovely day!

no worries about making me upset / uncomfy !! <3 friendships are honestly *the* thing i loveloveloveeeee talking about the most, even if this is something quite hard to answer :-0 i get v rambly so i’ll put it under the cut !

for me i think making new friends is always very circumstantial ?? but i think it's also hugely about actively seeking out those opportunities to meet people and being in those environments !! i really did get soso lucky though, i can assure you that i did not always have these friends who i could gush about on the daily. for context, four years ago i probably had two irl friends at most? i was homeschooled for the last couple years of secondary school and didn't see anyone else my age until college started in 2019 !! but now i probably have more irl friends than online ones, which is a complete 180° to the situation i used to be in !! not to say one is inherently better than the other or more fulfilling, it's just a very huge shift in my life :-)

it's definitely a constant process??? and honestly maybe not everyone we meet is meant to be a lifelong friend. we can put in the effort, but it might not be matched and that's ok, there will always be more people who will love you, people that you don't even know yet. that effort you expend on the people you meet will never be "wasted" if it goes towards learning how you love and approach future friendships! i think setting things into motion yourself and taking initiative is a big step, it was for me :0 i've always been so relationship-oriented, always the person to make group chats and group playlists, invite people to do things and try to make plans (it's something i'm getting better at despite the fear of rejection!) but i think that goes more into maintaining and deepening friendships, rather than meeting new people :')

i’m very sheltered and don’t have much freedom or independence of my own, but if u have the opportunity to go somewhere that opens u up to meeting more people, pls take it!! even by organising something with the current friends you have (although if you really don’t feel fully loved or supported by them, u are under no obligation to keep putting in effort for them when it isn’t being matched) you could let them invite any of their other friends, or again go somewhere that encourages interaction.

it’s really soso much easier online, the worst that can happen is that u stop talking or they don’t reply to ur dm at all. if both parties want it, a friendship can work regardless of how it starts ! :) sorry this isn’t much advice n more just me rambling but i hope it means something <3 !! ilu i hope u have a nice day !

#mine #answered #anon

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uwua3 · 3 years

Text

your name (pt. 2)

❄️📚 tsukioka tsumugi

part 1 — part 2 — part 3

summary: you find yourself in a familiar, but at the same time, new place.

author’s note: hi, everyone! :D this is the second part of the ongoing “your name” series~ ♡ this time, from your perspective! please enjoy, have a good day !! ☆(>ω・)

word count: 1,668

You woke up.

It was like a dream, like you had brought something back. You didn’t know what, but you were now awake. As you attempted to adjust to the darkness, all was quiet in the world. Until, you realized you had no idea where you were.

You quickly sat up from an uncomfortable position, the worn sofa beneath you doing nothing to help you feel better. Two separate stacks of unfamiliar papers surrounded both your sides as a T.V. was flashing colors against your shadow. Except… it wasn’t yours, per say. You looked over the sofa at the large shadow, moving your hand to see it do the same. This was real… but, who were you? When you reached into the person’s pockets to find some sort of a phone, you were disappointed to find a vintage, rundown flip phone weighing down the palm of your hand. Great, were you some sort of old man?

Trying not to scatter all the papers onto the ground, you took a careful step off the couch before hearing a sickening crack. This explained why you could barely see, as you crouched down to make out a pair of shattered glasses. You ignored the mess, moving away to find some sort of mirror. Instead, you discovered a barely lit studio apartment with everything wrong with it. The door was closed with a stool, half the lights didn’t work properly, and a distinct smell of cup noodles came from a broken microwave.

As you kept your hand on a wall to navigate, you began picking up small details that made this place home. The heavily marked calendar on the wall decorated the space, multiple photos of what seemed like student graduations neatly framed by the front, and certificates in psychology and education gave insight on who you were living through. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it felt like a place that made you trust the owner.

By the time you reached the bathroom door, you breathed a sigh of relief that the light didn’t cut out as you flipped the switch. When you looked into the mirror, you expected to see an aged teacher having a rough night of grading. Instead, you could see your expression form into shock at the reflection. You were… a college student? You knew that wasn’t the case considering the multiple Bachelor’s degrees, but you looked so young and old at the same time. It was like the person was physically young, but ancient from the way his hands automatically gripped the sink to keep himself up. You were looking into the eyes of a tired boy, and you could feel it in your bones that no amount of sleep could cure whatever he was going through.

You had to tear your eyes away to turn on the sink, waiting for the water to build up in your cupped palms. The water pressure was barely there, but it was what you needed to remind yourself this wasn’t a dream. For some reason, you had woken up in a random boy’s body in his no-good, terrible apartment. As you washed your face and met your reflection once again, you could sense the determination in the way his mouth formed a line. You were going to find out why you were here.

You took a moment to admire the body you were in. Although the boy seemed to carry the weight of the world upon his shoulders, he was doing rather well for himself. He had long, overgrown dark blue hair that just revealed his same-shade blue eyes. His eyes held the light of a student ready to learn, even after many years of strict academia. His features resembled one of a game protagonist, and you weren’t used to this tall height on your side. Even in just a striped shirt, you could tell he was beautiful in his own right.

“No matter what, I’ll find you again.” You said for absolutely no reason, with no one to hear except yourself—well, him. His voice didn’t take you by surprise; it was expectantly gentle and inherently kind, it was fitting to a light smile like his. You left the cramped bathroom with two goals in mind: 1. Figure out where you were, 2. Decide what to do next.

The room seemed lighter in comparison to before, meaning the sun must’ve been rising. You didn’t have to search long to find a passed-down clock by the sofa’s makeshift nightstand. The lines read it was nearing 5 A.M. as you identified an alarm was about to go off in exactly thirty minutes. Next, you were about to rummage around for any sort of geographic location before a loud car horn cut off your thoughts. Immediately snapping your head towards the opening, you saw a cracked open balcony hidden away behind a bookshelf. As you made your way through, you had no idea how you thought it was quiet. Although it was still the start of the day, you could already see a highway jam packed with automobiles going towards the big city. The buildings around you were nothing compared to the distant skyscrapers, and a realization occurred within you.

You were in Tokyo, Japan.

Before you could go watch what the T.V. was saying, a ring sounded from the flip phone. Hurrying to answer, you stood upon the balcony in an unfamiliar city you always dreamt of visiting. When you finally put the phone to your ear, you noticed how… modern urban accents were compared to your original rural one.

“Heya Tsumu-Tsumu! I knew you’d be awake, you crazy workaholic!” A loud voice made you wince as you flinched back from the sudden volume. Your silence didn’t deter—you looked at the contact—Miyoshi Kazunari as he rambled on. It was way too early for this type of energy, but you could spot college student caffeine addiction from a mile away.

“Lucky for you~,” Kazunari dragged out his vowels when he spoke. Not in a country way, but it was actually a stylistic choice all trendsetters seemed to have. “I’m also crazy! Just finished a project and I got an early morning class.” Kazunari made crying noises, and you genuinely didn’t know if they were exaggerated or he was having his midlife crisis breakdown. Too many things were running through your head, you could barely keep up with the bold personality Miyoshi Kazunari was. How the hell did a quiet person end up friends with an extrovert like Kazunari?

“And because I’m super smart, I know you’re usually grading papers or somethin’. Wanna get coffee today? I need it, bad.” Kazunari invited you to get coffee… but you barely knew your way around your own apartment, nevermind Tokyo. You were so lost in thought that Kazunari took your lack of response as a deafening “no”. A slightly awkward laugh interrupted the twenty seconds of silence, the noise suddenly much less confident than before.

“Ah… sorry, Tsumu-Tsumu. You’re probably too tired, right? You usually don’t want to go anyways, I don’t know why I asked.” Kazunari trailed off in a mumble, clearly discouraged already. Hearing this total stranger give up felt like kicking a puppy. You had no reason to agree, but you did anyway. You don’t know if it was you or “Tsumu-Tsumu” trying to reassure Kazunari.

“U-Um! No, let’s get coffee,” You paused, letting out a similar laugh that was obviously strained. “Kazunari?” It was Kazunari’s turn to be silent on the phone, before exploding into a pattern of shock and disbelief.

“KAZUNARI?! Yo, Tsumu-Tsumu! Are we suddenly BFFS now or what?! You’ve never called me by my first name before, you must be real sleepy!” Kazunari teased, but you could pick up on his revived energy and excitement about the day now. You responded with a laugh once again to show you were listening, and Kazunari took it as a sign to drop the sudden lack of honorifics between you two. As Kazunari said he’d message you the address of the “hottest cafe right now in all of Japan”, you mentally beat yourself up over the slip of tongue.

This Tsumu-Tsumu guy didn’t seem like the type to just call people by their first names. You hoped this wouldn’t severely affect anything for him in the long run. When Kazunari told you to be there by 7:30 A.M., he hung up and an instant message came with a winky emoticon and star symbol. The quiet finally gave you enough time to process everything that just happened.

You had agreed to meet a total stranger—well, to you—at a random cafe in the middle of the biggest city in Japan. You didn’t even know your own name. Staring out at the city you would soon find yourself in, you headed back inside and shut off the T.V. without another word. It was time to get ready and somehow figure out a way to get to… you checked the address again, Omi's House.

You checked the calendar from before and saw neat kanji of a name that felt familiar. “Tsukioka Tsumugi.” You read out loud, subconsciously tracing the characters with your finger. It felt right, you had no doubt it was this person’s name. You were quick to relax when you noticed Friday was the one day Tsumugi had off out of the entire week. You felt pitiful at how the one column of Fridays were being crowded by filled blocks of events, part-time gigs, and more work. When could Tsumugi just get a coffee?

Maybe, meeting Kazunari was a good thing. You found a brown peacoat hanging on the knob of the door and slipped it on. You said goodbye to an empty apartment, and left with no clue where you were going. All you had was a ripped bag and a newfound spark to your eyes.

You were Tsukioka Tsumugi, a random boy in Tokyo, and you were going to make the most of it.

#tsukioka tsumugi #tsumugi tsukioka #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #tsumugi x reader #a3! tsumugi #a3 tsumugi

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vanrouqe · 4 years

Note

hi hi!! first off i wanna thank u for feeding me ace crumbs...i keep rereading the ones u have up and i keep going 🥺💓💘💕 everytime,, since u opened up reqs, i hope u dont mind if i req for an ace scenario where he and reader were just chilling out together and were sitting in a comfortable silence when reader just says "hey ace? i love u" for the first time? thank u sm in advance :D

mod says: when i tell you my heart went 923 bpm and lost sleep because of how excited i was to do this request. anon, your kind words are forever engraved in my heart!! also, i hope you enjoy this :D

"Oi, Kantokusei! Wake up already" You were practically tugged awake from your sleep.

You let out a groan as you were forced to sit up straight, prying away your hands from the person in question as you rubbed sleepiness away from your eyes.

You let your eyes adjust to your surroundings, as you saw Ace open the windows of your bedroom curtains. You hissed at the sudden brightness.

"What are you doing here?" You asked incredulously.

"Less talking, more walking. Breakfast is gonna get cold." He nags, completely avoiding your question as he scoops you into his arms, carrying you bridal style.

It was useless to protest, so you let him. "You didn't answer my question." You mumble, adjusting your arms over his neck and that's when you noticed, Ace didn't have his make up on.

It was a small detail you've come to memorize, as your mind adjusted to reality or at least remember why he was here, casually playing house.

Then you remembered.

Right. There were two days left days before school starts again and it has become a routine for Ace to come back to school—to spend time with you which was as you would have guessed synonymous to annoying you.

By the time you two reached the kitchen, Grim was already finishing up his breakfast. "I gotta say Ace, that was delicious. Even my henchman can't prepare something this delicious, yanno!" He says, patting his stomach.

"Heh, thanks" Ace grins, as he settles you down the empty chair, snapping his fingers as a plate filled with tuna sandwiches hovers over the air before it lands infront of you, all the while giving Grim a pointed look.

Grim dismissively waved a hand over your direction, "Anyways, the Great Grim is gonna practice Magift. Gotta stay in shape, yanno!" He chuckles before sneaking to steal a sandwich before dashing out through the back door.

"Break a leg!" You call out, rolling your eyes before turning your attention over the plate of sandwiches.

"So, did you enjoy breakfast? Ace asks, as he helped you clear the table.

You hummed in response, taking the plates from both his hands before placing them in the sink, along with the other utensils Ace had used to make breakfast.

"You're awfully clingy today" You chuckle, feeling his arm snake around your waist as he rested his chin over your shoulder.

"Am I?" Ace hums, nuzzling his face over the crook of your neck before he let go.

"Yeah. What gives?" You purse your lips, as you turned your head to an angle, nudging your nose against his cheek.

There was a pause before Ace chuckles, "Oh, no reason."

"Anyways I'm gonna play Magift with Grim." He adds, giving your cheek a kiss, leaving you dumbfounded.

"What was that all about?" You mumble to yourself as you watched Ace's retreating figure, before you continued washing the dishes.

The rest of the day was like any ordinary day, except for the fact that whenever you would glance at Ace, he would have caught your eye and would either throw you a wink or blow you a kiss.

It really shouldn't have bothered you, but your boyfriend who wasn't inherently handsy, was looking at you as if he's been struck by cupid's love arrow, falling in love with you all over again.

Maybe it was his new way of annoying you? You wondered to yourself. You snapped out your thoughts, when you heard the bedroom door open.

Speaking of the devil

"Kantokusei, let's go on a picnic" Ace suggests, plopping over the space next to you.

"Picnic? Like? Right now?" You repeated, growing more confused by the turn of events.

"Yeah! C'mon we only have two days left before school starts, let's at least make something out of it." He gave you a lopsided grin.

If there was one thing you could describe Ace, it would have been unpredictable. Though maybe unpredictable wasn't the right word.

You knew he would have something up in his sleeve, yet you still can't believe you would get caught offguard by it.

"So? How did you know about this place?" You huffed, picking out the leaves that managed to get stuck on your hair as Ace eagerly started laying out the picnic blanket.

"My older brother told me about it! I don't know if its ideal for a picnic, but hey we'll find out for ourselves" He throws you a smile over his shoulder.

Half an hour ago, you thought that Ace had planned the picnic somewhere in the Rose Maze.

That was until, he made no signs of stopping, treading a path within the maze, before he made a detour along the bushes.

Was it all worth it? You wondered as you occasionally felt thorns graze your arms as Ace led you deeper within the bushes, until you found a clearing.

"C'mon we don't got all day" He pats the space next to him.

"Please tell me we're not going back through those bushes" You sighed, feeling your legs giving in as you took up the space next to him.

"Heh, sorry about that" Ace gave you a sheepish smile, picking out a stray rose petal that was stuck on your hair.

You let out another sigh, before ruffling Ace's hair, "Why do I even put up with you?"

The picnic was, needless to say, one of the best one's you've ever had.

Ace's cherry tart was sweet, made sweeter by the fresh cherries he had brought back from the Rose Kingdom.

"So, how was it?" Ace asked, wiping the crumbs on the corner of your lips.

"It's delicious! Don't tell Trey but I think this has to be the best cherry tart I have ever tasted in a while." You smile, taking another spoonful of tart. "The cherries just melt in your mouth."

"You can never go wrong with a family recipe" Ace smiles proudly.

Time seem to past by when you're having fun as you spent a good hour talking about Ace's home country, the Rose Kingdom.

With stuffed faces, plates and utensils discarded to the side the both of you lay on the blanket, your arm loosely draped over Ace's waist as the both of you watched the sun beginning to set.

"Which reminds me" Ace starts, reaching out both of his hands outward before snapping his fingers, as light and sparks started to dance along his fingers, resembling sparklers.

Ace cheats a glance over your direction before he snaps his fingers once more, the tiny sparks began bursting into colorful heart patterns.

You stared in awe, reaching to take both his hands over yours. "How did you do that?" You looked over at Ace.

"Just a trick my brother taught me" He shrugged nonchalantly, snapping his fingers once again, igniting a spark that illuminated your face.

"Did you like our picnic date?" Ace asked, striking up a casual conversation as you two started packing up.

"I have to admit it, I never thought of you to go all out like this." You gestured, as you dusted yourself up before proceeding to fold the picnic blanket.

"Well, I did promise to take you with me during our breaks, but the Headmaster always finds an excuse to assign you to look after the school."

"So, I thought why not just bring the fun here? It took a lot of attempts to get the mini fireworks trick" Ace continues, rubbing the nape of his neck.

"But don't think too much about it, yeah? I just wanted to fulfill my promise." He added hastily, as he took the other end of the blanket, helping you fold it.

You let Ace ramble, clearly he was having his moment. Eventually silence fell on the both of you.

"Hey, Ace?" You were the first to break the silence, walking over to close the distance between the both of you.

Ace hums in response, looking over at you as you leaned over close enough that your lips brushed against his.

"I love you" you whispered before pulling him in for a thank you kiss.

It would have been the first time you've said those three words, as the two of you pulled away from each other, catching your breaths.

Did I really say that? Was this the right time to say it? Or was it at the heat of the moment? Should I take it back? What if Ace doesn't say it back? Your thoughts were in a frenzy.

Though you worry was all for a naught as Ace pulls you in for another kiss, "I can't believe you beat me to it."

#answered request #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #ace trappola x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #twst #twst ace #twst x reader

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matoitech · 3 years

Note

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

#long post #NINE PARAGRAPHSSSS #fess replies #anon

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salty-lesbians · 4 years

Note

hi i’m a 16 year old lesbian, i’ve always sort of related to terf talking points but i don’t want to take part in being mean to people for no reason yk? like i don’t ever wanna touch a dick but i think calling people by the wrong pronouns on purpose is really mean yknow. not that radfems have to be like polite when people are harassing them but i don’t want to be someone who targets random trans people like i’ve seen sometimes? is there a place for me here?

//sorry same lesbian here. do you think it’s worth it to be open about stuff like this even though it can have such bad consequences? i’m probably just a coward but it feels easier to just sit back and pretend i agree with everyone else. like it just feels safer idk i know that’s bad. do u have any advice for me?

hi sorry me again i’ve never really talked abt this so i’m just kind of dumping but feel free to ignore me. anyways the more i think about it and the more radfem blogs i look at the more it feels like. the stuff y’all talk about like actually matters and is bad stuff? while a lot of other blogs feel so weirdly performative like “you can or can’t use this super specific gender word” “destigmatize m/f relationships” stuff like that. idk feel free 2 ignore like i said i’m just blabbing

ok i’m going to sleep now but i hope you have a nice day or night depending on where you are//

No need to apologise, we’ve all been where you are and chances are a lot of us rambled in someone elses ask box, I know I did. I’m glad you’re reaching out and asking questions 💖💖

“Terfs” aren’t inherently mean, you have some asshole radfems and radfems who are angry at the current political climate revolving women and gay rights who may come across as mean but radfems aren’t mean on the basis of being a radical feminist alone. Some don’t mind using preferred pronouns, some absolutely do not. Also, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to interact with trans people at all, radical feminism covers so many other aspects that you may wish to focus on. But all in all if you agree with the basic radical feminist beliefs (women are oppressed on the basis of our sex, men are the oppressor class, make up/shaving is harmful. porn/prostitution is not empowering and is very harmful, being critical of religion, anti BDSM etc) then there is absolutely a place for you here 😊😊

Some people may disagree with me but it’s essentially up to you to decide if you want to be open about it, if it truly isn’t safe to be open about certain beliefs then don’t feel pressured to be open about them. That being said you’d be surprised with how many people agree with radical feminism when not called that by name, there are a lot. Personally I’m fairly open about my beliefs, my friends know I’m anti porn and they know why, they know I’m gender critical and a few even know that I’m a “terf” (they didn’t know what it meant beforehand) and I haven’t had any issues with it. I have people disagree with my opinions but I haven’t had any issues in my day to day life about it. If you want to and can be open about it I definitely encourage it, but I also realise it’s not always the easiest thing. My advice is to start small, start mentioning radical feminist beliefs but don’t name it and to start with stay away from mentioning gender related issues, people are more than likely agree than you’d think.

I noticed that too, a lot of mainstream feminism seems to have become completely performative, it doesn’t seem to be fighting for women’s rights anymore but instead seems to be teaching women to enjoy our oppression. It’s one of those things I’ve found that once I noticed it I couldn’t unsee it, for a lot of people it’s easier to to call everything empowering than it is to fix certain issues and men have an invested interest in backing mainstream feminism (they encourage porn/prostitution and bdsm for example).

I hope I’ve been able to help a bit and my asks/inbox are always open if you have more questions, I hope you have a good night too 😊😊💖💖

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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I rambled this out in the tags of my reblog of ur response to my... hm, "pink" ask, but i'll put it here anyways

I think ray and i are similar in the way of emotional sensitivity and people pleaser tendencies, albeit stemming from very different origins. For Ray, it's his traumas and the lifestyle and mindset he's been forced into. For me, it's the neurological disorder/learning difference I've had all my life, ADHD, and its accompanying RSD and anxiety.

One good thing about that bad friendship i got myself into was that i learned how to be a little more independent and how to overcome certain parts of my anxiety at times, as well as how to say no and to not give in so easily into the urge to just do whatever my friends ask.

So, I'm better than I was. But like I mentioned, its a little different when i dont know the person yet, and its especially different if theyre as sweet and kind as ray is. Honestly it gets me weak. I mean, even in the game, when i play AS (and his route) for the first time, i was very compliant to everything he said, especially since he seemed to have some confidence about him (i still cant tell if im just dumb or if he actually seems that way to others in the beginning). And thats not just cos i wanted to progress with the game; i chose the options i felt drawn to.

I'd have a hard time telling him no.

As for emotional sensitivity and RSD... itd be a loop i swear oh my days lol. He's always like "sorry sorry sorry pls dont hate me" and im sitting there like "same." If i was actually there id be like "no no never! Id never hate you i swear ur so freaking nice and sweet and fjbdjdbjd" and then like that very same day, say i shot him a text or two and he doesnt respond for like an hour. I get it. I know he's busy. I don't reach out further cos i dont wanna be annoying, i just wait. And wait. And tell myself he's busy. He doesn't hate me. He's just busy. ...did i say something wrong? Maybe i was confusing...? *proceeds to reread my texts like a million times, analyzing all the possible interpretations and probably scaring myself a couple times*

Finally a text comes in, or a chatroom with him opens up, and- here's where we differ. I keep those "what if he hates me" thoughts to myself. Instead its, "oh thank goodness lol i thought maybe i was being annoying or something or offended u or made u mad" (usually just one of those; which one i felt depends on the scenario) and even then it's only if an opportunity comes up. Sometimes i'll outright ask "was i being annoying? Sorry i know i can get out of hand sometimes" or say something like "just lemme know whenever im too overbearing or annoying or confusing or fast, etc". I tend to prefer to lean towards semi-subtle phrasing rather than outright asking.

But its like... "sorry sorry; are u mad?" "No!! No im not mad... but... i thought you'd be upset at me so I was afraid to face you... and then when you didnt text me i thought it even more..." "what??? No never! I didnt text u cos i thought u were mad!" Lmaooo

[417]

Yeah, I can totally relate to that internalized dialogue. So, it just seems that you can look at him and say same hat. I understand that feeling very well because I do it all the time too. Ray oftentimes gets overworked and overwhelmed by the thought that he's not doing enough, as a matter of fact, he's been told that he's not doing enough so he just thinks that constantly without anyone having to prompt him otherwise. A part of it might be a manipulation on his part but another part of it is genuine self-loathing. It is hard to say because he has moments where his genuine sincerity comes out and moments when his plans pop out. That's why I often tell people that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Yes, he is relatable in a sense but that doesn't mean that he is inherently good too.

His morality is a little skewed but you can't really blame him for it given how he was manipulated himself. It is a matter of getting to know him and helping him see that something is amiss that allows him to almost realize that it's not okay. It is just too easy to overanalyze and get overwhelmed by the smallest of details that may not mean anything. It's an unfortunate circumstance that many of us have to deal with.

He's definitely a lot to deal with, and you have to be on your toes and ready to deal with it. If you are not in the right headspace or you easily get overwhelmed by little comments that may not mean much, then it's probably going to be hard for you to deal with the situations that take place with him. Even I know that I would have some specific problems with it myself given he and I have so much in common. However, don't think that that counts you out or anything. You still have the capability to get through to him.

It just comes down to empathizing and reaching out to each other when things don't feel right. That is easier said than done though so yeah, it would be a little complicated. It'll turn into a game where you're reassuring him and he's reassuring you. Sometimes it's good if someone can understand you firsthand, because the thing you can help yourself in the process.

#mod kait #ask #417 anon

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black-mesa-slut-voice · 4 years

Text

Dear goodness please don’t make me make a dni list. I.. usually don’t much care who interacts with me but I’m seeing some weird shit in my notes!!!

Ugh. Okay whatever I’m cool on most things but here’s some stuff:

-Im a non-binary lesbian. I use they/she. I’m probably somewhere on a weird grey/asexuality spectrum I haven’t figured out yet

-kinnies are valid. It’s all fun and cool man

-I’m queer, and I respect you if you don’t want to use that word or be called it, and won’t call you it without your permission, but it’s still our word. Some of us use it. and if you think people reclaiming it is bad then I’m sorry bro. I’m out here living my best life lovin myself and I don’t wanna make u uncomfy

-I support mogai and people calling themselves whatever sexualities and shit they want. Labels are labels and they’re just for personal comfort and you gotta love yourself. Literally what is wrong with calling yourself anything as long as ur not hurting anyone? As long as it makes u feel good that’s what matters.

-Ace, pan, and trans pals, you’re welcome here. If you don’t support ace, pan and trans people I’m sorry you have a stick up ur ass u should get it checked out (obv I don’t include like. Pedophiles and shit. Incest isn’t a sexuality eugh). Pan isn’t inherently transphobic tf are some of you on about?? Literally one of my best friends is pan and trans wh

-I post GORE and BODY HORROR. YEs I tag things. Yeah I enjoy a lot of other fandoms that aren’t perfect, cus I can consume media critically? When did SU become problematic. Yeah it has its flaws but. It’s a good cartoon for kids w leabians I can enjoy???

(That said, if you dislike certain media for trauma reasons that’s valid and I’ll make sure to tag any other fandom that might work it’s way in here but like. Please. If you think you can’t consume media unless it’s perfect then I’m sorry bro it don’t work like that. Cancel culture is toxic. Enjoy that kinda shitty video game as long as you’re aware of the bad parts. Love urself n have fun)

-I’ve never read homestuck but a bunch of my trusted friends like it so (???). I don’t have any disc horse on that bro I’m neutral. Don’t worry I’ll tag any that might be referenced here It’s valid if u don’t like it ig?? Ya

-dear GOD I hate trump and everything he says. Acab and so is he. No I will not discuss this I thought we were all on the same page here??? Christ

-basically I’m a normal decent human being. I try to be polite and read DNI’s before interacting and holy hell some of y’all........... please........ quarantine really be getting to ya huh

-if u have any questions feel free to shoot an ask I don’t bite

Anyway I’m saying this cus I use tag crawler on my art (sending love to everyone who leaves nice tags), and I usually follow people that way but. Whew.

If any of this makes you’re uncomfortable, you’re welcome to block me if so! In fact, I encourage it, if I in any way make you uncomfortable. I try to be accommodating for everyone but sometimes people just got fundamentally different beliefs yo. Also don’t worry, I really hate drama and shit like this so posts like this will NOT become a regular thing. I just... had to say SOMETHING ykno.

It’s 7:30 am and I haven’t slept so I’m sorry if this is rambly but hot damn y’all. Anyway. back to the regular schedule

#id rather yall not reblog but if you do thats fine ig #please. some of u need a capri sun and a snickers bar

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