FIRE AND ICE (1973)

Art by FRANK FRAZETTA

**Shots of the Movie**

American Graffiti (1973)

Director: George Lucas Cinematographers: Ron Eveslage, Jan D’Alquen, Haskell Wexler

I know we’re all “hahaha Goncharov this, Goncharov that, give Katya a gun (p.S. she AlrEadY Had OnE shE’s JuSt LikE tHaT)” but I’ve only seen one post going around about the Cat.

Like, I can see how people overlook it. It’s very unlike Scorsese in that way, but it is very 70’s new age to ascribe the power of some sort of familiar into a mundane creature, and I think that was Scorsese’s whole point with the Cat, and how it moved through the background of so many scenes, like it presided over them. But then we see it with Katya, and it’s just a street cat, eating garbage and meowing, and she doesn’t give it a second look. But Goncharov, he starts to notice. He ducks furtively into alleys with tins of open tuna, a fucking mobster, trying to lure the cat to him like it’s got luck under its fur. And though we never get to see the rest of the name tag when he does catch it, the “And-“ fucking haunts me. And. Ampersand. Andrey. The idea that there might be more and better and different, if only things had gone another way, if only he wasn’t astray, if only his collar didn’t already declare him for Andrey. Just like the Cat. He’s a mirror, and then he isn’t.

He’s just gone, that penultimate scene, the cat just isn’t there any more. I don’t know if it’s because Goncharov made his choice, or just because Scorsese wanted to pull the rug out from the symbolism, but it always leaves me wondering.

Three Supermen and Mad Girl (1973)

Film review #545

Director: Cavit Yürüklü

SYNOPSIS: An evil organisation led by mad Girl and a guy in a devil costume are trying to take over the world. The only people that can stop them are the three supermen, with their bulletproof suits...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Three Supermen and Mad Girl is a 1973 Turkish sci-fi film, and a unauthorised of the Three Supermen characters. The plot is about as simple as you can get it: an evil organisation consisting of Mad Girl, a man in a devil mask, and a bunch of men in green hoods and cloaks, are attempting to take over the world. The only people that stand in their way are the three supermen, who get to stopping them. There are no subtitles for this film that I could find, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss anything, as there’s nothing beyond the surface to really get into: if you know who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, you’re pretty much set. The structure of the film consists in the cast going from one fight scene to another, and you can more or less follow what is happening in them as their really isn’t much to get beyond some chasing and fighting.

This film comes from a whole market of Turkish knock-off films that take characters (and sometimes actual footage) from other franchises without permission and make their own film. As I’ve mentioned before, this is maybe the sort of thing you could get away with in the 60′s and 70′s, but nowadays, with the internet and such, there’s no way you’d get close to releasing such a film without being found out and sued into oblivion. This is one of the only examples I’ve seen which uses a non-U.S/U.K. based franchise, which leads me to think the Three Supermen was a bigger deal than I believed. With regards to the three supermen themselves, their characters are in keeping with the actual films, with one being mute, and one being a government agent of some description. The costumes as well are accurate, even though they are pretty easy to emulate. The only difference is that the costumes in this film have a big “S” emblem on the chest, which is obviously meant to be the actual “Superman” logo that he wears on his costume. The villains are just typical villains and there’s nothing to really say on that point, apart from they have a robot which is perhaps the best/worst b-movie robot I have ever seen: it really just looks like someone wearing a few cardboard boxes.

Three Superman and Mad Girl is obviously a low budget rip-off of an already low-budget franchise, but I suppose credit should be given to the film for having a good amount of extras in costume, and that it doesn’t bloat the storyline with unnecessary plot and just sticks to a variety of fights and chases. There’s a fair amount of locations too, so it’s at least not all being shot in someone’s basement. Overall though, Three Supermen and Mad Girl is a very low-budget affair that isn’t particularly noteworthy, but is at least short with a sixty-five minute runtime, and focuses no the things which are entertaining and action-oriented. Also probably also worth watching just for one of the cheapest looking robots ever seen on film.

katya did nothing wrong actually

Goncharov coming third in tumblr's top 100 movies of 2023 is so damn funny. Imagine being a film studio exec who spent millions making some of the other 97 movies listed below it only to be beaten by a film that cost exactly zero dollars to make and doesn't exist

“all the deaths could have been prevented if andrey and goncharov just had gay sex” well what if they had gay sex and then still did the killings. i think they deserve to have some killings as a treat

My favourite moments from Goncharov (1973).

I think what I love most about current day tumblr and it’s obsession with things like Dracula daily and Goncharov is that it’s a reminder that the internet and social media can be fun. It’s not all algorithms and selling things to you based on data the company got from tracking all your movements. Sometimes it’s about coming together to have fun over something completely superfluous and stupid but ultimately meaningful because we gave it meaning.

Goncharov (1973)

Goncharov (1973)

Three Supermen Against the Orient (1973)

Film review #546

Director: Bitto Albertini

SYNOPSIS: FBI agent Robert Wallace is once again summoned on a mission just as he is about to get married: this time, he must find six agents who have gone missing in Taiwan. While there, he meets up with his old acquaintances Max and Jerry, the international thieves “The supermen,” and the three reluctantly team up once again to accomplish their goals: Robert to rescue the agents, and Max and jerry to rob the U.S. embassy...

THOUGHTS/ANSLYSIS: Three Supermen Against the Orient is a 1973 martial arts/comedy, and the fifth film in the Three Supermen series, released the same year as the previous Three Supermen of the West. The film follows the typical premise of these films, with an FBI agent teaming up with his old acquaintances the two international thieves, this time to save a group of six agents who have been kidnapped and are being held in the far east. The most notable thing about the film is, if you’ve seen the other films in the series, is that is completely incompatible with them in terms of continuity. For example, the three main characters know each other, which means their previous antics in the other films probably still happened, but the main issue is that the supermen don’t have their bulletproof suits, which is their main selling point. They get them about half way through the film when FBI agent Robert Wallace manages to persuade the American ambassador to hand them over, and the supermen are surprised by them being bulletproof. Adding this up, it seems that the previous films happened, but also didn’t happen at the same time? As far as I am aware, this is the first Three Supermen film to get an English dub, so maybe they wanted to reintroduce the suits for first-time audiences, but then why have the characters know each other prior to the film? It’s very confusing. On the one hand, there’s not too much continuity between the films, as they are self-contained adventures, but at least they didn’t contradict each other.

Apart from the continuity issues, the film feels very much like a typical martial arts film. The supermen don’t even appear until thirty minutes into the runtime, and all this time is spent Wallace wandering around the wrong city before he finally goes to Hong Kong. In some respects, it just feels like a standard martial arts film with the Three Superman shoehorned in, but the director of some of the previous films directs this one, so there is come continuity behind the scenes. There’s still the comedy elements of the franchise and a little bit of slapstick, but it doesn’t go so far as to spoof martial arts films, like it spoofed some other genres in the previous films.

As with some of the other films, the actors have been swapped around: this time, only Sal Borgese, who plays the mute Jerry, returns, with the other two being new actors. In fact, there names are different too, but they are supposed to be the same characters, which again makes the continuity even more confusing. The other characters don’t add too much, but fill their parts just fine. The typical acrobatics that the series is known for is put aside in favour of martial arts, and it’s a shame we don’t get a mixture of the two (the new actors probably don’t have the expertise too). The martial arts was choreographed by a young Jackie Chan, and on the whole it’s well executed and polished, but nothing overly special in the larger context of the huge volume of martial arts films from the seventies.

Overall, Three Supermen in the Orient combines the silliness of the franchise with yet another genre in the form of the martial arts films. However, it sidesteps the spoof and satire in favour of simply making a competent martial arts film with some slapstick western comedy thrown in from time to time. The plot makes no sense in the continuity of the series, but they’re all mostly standalone films anyway, so it can be overlooked. The film doesn’t really add anything to the series, or distinguish itself as a martial arts film, but it’s a decent balance of western comedy and eastern martial arts, backed by competent choreography that might appeal to a broader audience. however, fans of the series may not be too impressed with the riding roughshod over the continuity of the series, and having the main characters rake a backseat.

Belladonna of Sadness (1973) Dir. Eiichi Yamamoto

Ok I did it I finally watched Goncharov (1973) and oh boy…. I love it! The „Time Is Up, Goncharov“ line absolutely killed me though, its been echoing through my brain, it ties in so beautifully with the symbolism of clocks and fate and determinism…. Ugh! Go watch it, its amazing, I‘m in love.

Fanart made by me with a reference from Pinterest. Click for better quality! Comissions are open. Do not repost.

okay i will admit i enjoyed these three in the like. one scene they were actually all on screen together.

sofia voice shut up and get the fuck out goncharov, i’m gonna fuck your wife now.

Willie Dyamite (1973)