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benex78 · 3 years

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Forgive our Sins

5 years after the events of Immortality, Sara and Grissom are living back in Las Vegas when a ghost from their past reappears in their life forcing them to face some old decisions. GSR of course! Enjoy it! I hope you like it and please review it! (Sorry if there are mistakes but I'm not a native English speaker and a special thanks to my friend LuLu for reading it)

PART 1 They went through a lot together during their 16 years long relationship. She left him and the sin city, he went to Costa Rica for her, they got married, they got divorced, she went to San Diego and sailed with him. They hurt each other more than once, but their love never stopped. In the end, they gave up their carriers to stay together, got married again and now they were finally living happily together. Grissom and Sara are back in Vegas, living in a small house in the university district. While Sara works as a consultant for the crime lab, Gil is a part-time professor of entomology who tends to stick his nose in his wife’s forensic cases. 14 years have passed since the miniature killer events and Natalie Davis is still in prison. In her cell she keeps a collection of miniatures and she is now working on a new one. She interrupts her work on the miniature to write a letter. It’s a difficult one: she had tried to write this letter so many times without success, in fact there are a few ripped sheets of paper on the floor. This time is different, she manages to use the rights words and, once done, she sends the envelope to the Las Vegas Crime Lab. It’s addressed to Sara Sidle. What does she want from Sara? Does she want to make amends? Does she want to go after her again? PART 2 A car is parked outside Sara and Grissom's house and the driver is observing Sara. One day on her way to work, Sara notices him and tries to run away, but suddenly she’s caught in an incident. She is brought to the hospital where a frightened Grissom arrives. Fortunately, Sara is fine, she only has some bruises and she is soon allowed to leave the hospital to go home with her husband. Sara tells Grissom what happened and now they fear someone is chasing them. Thanks to the street CCTVs the police finds and arrests the stalker, however the man has nothing to do with the accident. Thus, he is released, but not after securing a conversation with Sara Sidle. He is a private detective and he needs to talk to Sara because his client, a woman named Kelly Ross, wants to meet her. Sara asks the detective the reason for this meeting and he responds that Mrs. Ross instructed him to reveal only in which part of Vegas she lives and, most importantly, that they have someone in common. Sara is caught off guard as she doesn’t know what to expect from this. However, she can’t help but feel curious. PART 3 On their day off Grissom drives Sara to Mrs. Ross, but he waits outside in the car. He is worried but he respects Sara’s decision to go in alone. When opening the door, Mrs. Ross welcomes Sara with a warm hug then she lets her in. Gil Grissom observes the whole scene speechless. When Sara comes back couple of hours later, she is in shock and immediately askes Grissom to take her home. He wants to know about the meeting, yet Sara begs him to give her some time to put her thoughts together. That evening in their kitchen Sara tells him a story she kept for herself for far too long. FLASHBACK:13 YEARS EARLIER The miniature killer had changed everything: the team had found about her relationship with Grissom, she had to join swing and above all she felt something inside her had broken and no one, not even Griss, could do anything to help her. She was so depressed that she decided to leave Vegas and the love of her life. She was in L.A. visiting her mom when she started to feel unwell. It took her a few days to even conceive the idea that she could be pregnant. She went to the nearest drugstore and paid for a test that she took directly in the customers toilet. She waited in there for almost an hour with the result in her hands: POSITIVE! How could it be? She didn’t want a child and Grissom neither. They talked about this at the beginning of their story and even more recently when he proposed. They (she and Griss) were the only family they wanted. How could she tell Grissom something like that? At least by phone she could avoid looking into his eyes and see his disappointment. She went back to her motel room and waited for the morning to come. She didn’t sleep all night, she kept looking at the clock on the wall. When she was sure Grissom could be home from work, she called him. He picked up almost immediately. She heard him giggling at the other side of the phone, but his joy faded at the news. Sara was so depressed; their relationship was stalling and surely, he wasn’t ready to be a father. Thus, they both agreed to end the pregnancy. Grissom offered to come to L.A. to be close to her, but Sara declined. She wanted to do it alone and he didn’t complain. She had just booked an appointment at a private clinic, when her mother got sick, so she had to postpone the whole thing. When she finally got there 3 weeks later, it was too late to proceed with the abortion. She had no another choice but to contact the social services to find a family for her unborn child. She never told Gilbert she carried their baby and that he was put up for adoption. To him, this was a dead story. Just 10 days before Warwick’s murder she delivered a healthy baby boy who she held only briefly in her arms before giving him away. When she came back to Vegas, Grissom was so devastated he didn’t even notice her body didn’t have the usual silhouette and she kept the secret for herself. Until now. Sara’s confession is very painful, she fears Gilbert’s reaction. She fears he will hate her and never forgive her for taking his son away. However, Grissom isn’t angry. He seems quite relieved instead. Grissom reaches his hand out across the table and places it on top of Sara’s, giving it a gentle squeeze: - I don’t begrudge you honey. In the end, you did what we had decided. At the time we didn’t want a kid and you didn’t keep it. Honestly, I’m quite happy it went this way. – Sara raises her head: - Really? – Grissom admits: - Yeah, because now, 13 years later, we are talking about someone we created, someone who has our genes and who probably is still alive. Even if he is somewhere, we don’t know where and who raised him – Sara reveals: - Gil, his name is Dylan, he is here in Vegas and Mrs. Ross is his adoptive mother – Grissom is astonished: - What? He’s in Vegas right now? Did you see him? – Sara shakes her head: - No, he was at school - Grissom: - How did Mrs. Ross find you? – Sara: - I can’t explain it, but since I had decided for an open adoption, she must have assumed a detective to find me. - Grissom: - But why now? – Sara: - Because she wants to give us a second chance – Grissom: - Sorry I don’t get it – Sara: - She is dying, she has terminal cancer and her husband has died of Covid last year. She fears that once she’s dead her boy will end up living in an institute until his 18th birthday. - Grissom’s heart starts beating fast, he can’t bear it any more. Maybe it’s his age but he wants to be a father now. However, he knows everything it’s up to his Sara: - Can we…? What do you want to do? - Sara: - Honestly… I don’t know – Grissom: - Sara, we are his parents! – Sara’s answer is firm: - No, we lost that right a long time ago Gil! – Grissom corrects himself: - You are right, but we have to do something. Don’t you want to get to know him? To see who he looks like? – Sara: - Of course I want to, but I am also terrified. I abandoned him. For all I know he could hate me. – Gil replies: - He could love you. - Sara gives Grissom a sad smile. Grissom tries to lift her spirit: - He could be a geek like us - Sara announces: - Gil, he is a special boy, he is not like the other kids – Grissom asks: -What do you mean? – Sara: - Mrs. Ross told me Dylan can’t hear, he has a genetic disease that made him almost deaf 5 years ago. Grissom is hurt, he can’t find the words to express his feelings. Sara notices his reaction and she gently touches his leg. Sara: - Are you ok? – Grissom nods: - I just don’t know how to feel about this: happy because I have something in common with my son or sad that I passed this pain to him It's all my... – Sara raises Gilbert’s chin, she cuts him off this time, shaking her head: "No, it's not. and it's not right to put the blame all on you. We both made stupid decisions in our relationship that lead us to where we are now." She takes a breath and speaks again more softly. "Now, I just want to put all of that behind us and start over..." Grissom clears his throat and asks in a more serious tone: - So... what do you think? – Sara takes both his hands in her and smiled a little: - I think we are going to speak with Kelly Ross and arrange a meeting with Dylan. Ok? – Grissom nods satisfied. Sara: - Let’s see what happens but we have to keep our hopes grounded – Grissom: - Ok… Come here – and takes Sara in his arms: - I love you, no matter what! – Sara leans towards him. She looks him in his eyes and responds with a tender kiss on his lips whispering against them "I love you too”.

PART 4 Sara spends the week working and thinking, thinking and working. Tension and expectations building up every day, more and more. In her mind Sara has imagined their meeting with Dylan at least 300 times, she has repeated all the possible things she could say to him, but every time his reaction is bad and the meeting goes wrong. Even Grissom is anxious; nonetheless he tries to distract Sara: he invites her to see one of his lessons at the university, he proposes a trip on a boat over the lake Mead and he takes her out to dinner. The Italian restaurant they go to is one of their favorites. They eat a very good lasagna and they drink a little more than they usually do, just to relax. Once at home, they go to bed. They face each other but, thinking of the day ahead, they can’t sleep. Grissom: - It’s gonna be fine – Sara: - You can’t know that – Gil caresses her hair: - No, but we have to stay positive – Sara takes Gil’s hand and brings it to her cheek: - I don’t know what to tell him – Gil’s finger brushes her lips: - The truth! If he asks, we’ll tell him the truth - Sara: - But? – Grissom: - Honey, if we want his trust, we have to be honest. We can’t lie. - Sara: - I am scared! - Grissom: - Me too – and he slowly kisses her. She returns the kiss as they are taken by the passion of their bodies, entangled in one. Their minds are lost in the rhythm of that primordial act of desire, they know so well. They are just flesh and skin, sweat and moans. PART 5 It’s afternoon and they are sitting in a park near Dylan’s school. The sight of the boy approaching them with his mother takes their breath away. Kelly greets them from afar and points them to her son. They stand up and walk in their direction. Sara and Grissom stop when they are in front of Dylan and Kelly. 4 souls, 4 people meant to be a family finally together. Dylan is a mini version of Grissom. He is not so tall but he’s slim. He has short curly brown hair. His eyes are blue and curios. Behind his left ear he has a hearing aid. Kelly addresses them to Dylan; she gestures in sign language and tells him: - They are the friends I was talking to you about. – Grissom takes courage and speaks first, gesturing his words: - Hi Dylan, my name is Gilbert and she is my wife Sara. We are happy to meet you. Your mother told us a lot about you. – Sara: - Hi, sorry but my sign language is a little rusty. I will try to improve. – Dylan: - Don’t worry, I can hear you (he indicates the implant to Sara). Moreover, I’ve learned to read lips. You, (he addresses to Grissom) on the other hand are very good. – Grissom: - Thanks. My mum was deaf, she taught me – Dylan nods pondering the answer. Sara tries to break the silence: - How was your day? Do you like school? – Kelly intervenes: - He is the best of his class – Dylan gives her a little buff on her right arm: - Mum please! – Kelly smiles: - He is shy, he doesn't like to brag – Grissom and Sara, grinning, exchange a look of complicity mixed with pride: - We can imagine – Dylan fixes them and he asks abruptly: - Why don’t you tell me who you really are? – Grissom and Sara almost choke: - What? – Kelly scolds him: - Dylan?! – Dylan continues: - You are my real parents, aren’t you? Sara feels responsible and wants to give him an answer: - You are right, I’m your birth mother and he is your father. – Dylan insists: - Why are you here? – Kelly: - I asked them to come – Dylan turns to his mother in shock but Kelly goes on: - I have to know that you would be safe, cared for and loved when I will be gone – Dylan: - How could you think that I would stay with someone who abandoned me? – Kelly interrupts them: - You three need to talk, you need to know each other. Dylan please, you have to listen to them – Dylan: - I don’t want to – and he runs away. Kelly touches Sara’s shoulder, she feels her pain and apologizes for Dylan’s reaction: - Give him some time. He is a good boy… he’s very smart – Grissom sighs: - I see – Sara is ashamed: - He is right, I made a mistake. – Kelly tries to soothe her by saying: - We all make mistakes, Sara – Sara: - But he is the one who’s paying the consequences of that mistake – Grissom: - We had our reasons, dear– Sara locks her eyes on Gil: - and why does it all seem so wrong now? – Kelly: - Let me talk to him – Sara replies: - No, I want to try - Sara goes to look for Dylan; Grissom follows her but she turns and stops him: - Give me 5 minutes – Gil nods; she approaches the boy. He is sitting on a swing. Sara asks him permission with a soft voice: - Can I? – Dylan shrugs his shoulders and Sara sits in the swing next to him. The boy leaps down and faces her. Sara: - I’m so sorry for everything, Dylan. I’m sorry for your mum, for your dad, for your earing problems, and above all I'm sorry for what I did to you. – Dylan: - Why did you leave me? – Sara tries her best to formulate an answer: - It’s complicated.... I wasn’t feeling very well. Something bad had happened to me. – Dylan interrupts her: - My father? Did he hurt you? – Sara: - No, absolutely not. He has always been kind to me – she invites Grissom to join them and he moves in their direction. – I was, I still am a Crime Scene Investigator. Do you know what it is? – Dylan nods and Sara continues: - I was working on a case, and a serial killer kidnapped me and left me to die. I managed to escape, your father and other members of my team saved me – Dylan listens very carefully. – But after that, nothing was the same. I was broken and unhappy. I wasn’t myself anymore and I couldn’t stay there. I went away from your father, from this town, from my old life. I could not be a good mother for you, you deserved more. – Dylan looks at Sara and then Grissom and says: - You are married now – Sara declares: - We got back together 5 years ago. – Grissom kneels in front of Dylan: - We're not here to be your parents, you already have them – Dylan states: - My mum is great! – Grissom agrees: - It’s true. We just want to know you, Dylan! – Sara teases: - Can you give us a chance? – Dylan thinks and then asks Sara something that has always intrigued him: - Did you give me a name before.. you .. ? Sara affirms instantly: - Arthur, I named you Arthur –

LITTLE FLASHBACK OF 13 YEARS EARLIER Sara was holding her baby when a nurse entered the room to take him. The social assistant was waiting outside. The woman checked the papers she had filled in. On the birth certificate she had written her name, Gilbert’s, and a new one: ARTHUR. She gave her baby a kiss on the forehead and passed him to the nurse who left the room, closing the door to a crying Sara. Grissom turns towards Sara, surprised by her admission. Sara looks at him directly in his eyes: - It’s your father’s middle name! – Dylan chuckles, satisfied by the answer: - It’s my middle name too – Sara is grateful that the Ross in some way had kept the name she had chosen for him. Dylan remarks: - My father was a pastor, he always told me to forgive the others. I’m forgiving you! – They give him an appreciative smile before Grissom touches his head saying: - He’d be very proud – Dylan nods and walks over to an emotional Sara. He wipes a tear from her face, similarly to what Gilbert would have done. She whispers a thank you to him, then they return to the bench where Kelly was sitting, watching the whole scene.

PART 6 Grissom and Sara start seeing Dylan every day after school. Their bond gets deeper and deeper. Dylan looks more at ease with them. He loves spending time with Gil, making experiments, going fishing or sailing. They find a new balance in their lives. Every once in a while, he even spends the night with them. The guest bedroom has become his room now. Kelly’s cancer on the other hand gets worse and she ends in hospital. It’s a Wednesday morning when Sara picks up Dylan from school and brings him to the hospital to give his mother one last hug. Kelly Ross dies at 2.00 PM of that same day and Dylan cries in the arms of Gilbert. At the funeral he stands between Sara and Grissom. He is brave but silent. Over the last year, he has lost both of his parents and found two new ones. It’s strange how life takes an unexpected turn sometimes and turns up the way it should have from the beginning. In fact, before her death, Kelly had arranged things so that Sara and Gil could have full custody of the boy and become a family.

PART 7 Sara is in a hurry; she greets her boss and some other members of the team as she prepares to leave the office. The receptionist at the desk calls her back and gives her some correspondence. She doesn’t have time to read it, she will do it later with calm. All she wants to do now is to go home to her boys and to enjoy the evening with them. After dinner Dylan does his homework in the living room, Gil prepares his lesson and Sara tidies the kitchen up. She suddenly remembers the letters in her purse, so she takes a break to read them. An envelope without a sender attracts her attention. She rips the envelope and her jaw drops.

Dear Sara Sidle, I’m Natalie Davis, you probably remember me as the miniature killer. I’ve been thinking of you very often lately. I know, I don’t have the right to write to you after all this time, but my journey here in prison made me reflect on my actions and on what I have done to you and to the other victims. I’m so sorry Mrs Sidle, I can’t change the past and my apologies can’t relieve your pain or what you’ve lost. I was angry and I seeked vengeance for no real reason except because I couldn’t accept the daemons from my past. I should have known that that wasn’t the answer but I was too lost. I hold Mr Grissom responsible for the death of Arnie Dell and I tried to take you away from him because of his love for you. However, and now I know this, it was not his fault and you were a collateral damage in my inner war. I don’t deserve your forgiveness; I’m not searching for redemption. I’m just happy that you are alive. I also hope life has been kind to you and that Mr Grissom is still by your side. Sincerely, Natalie Davis

Sara confronts Grissom about the letter and what to do next. They are concerned, still they decide to go to the county jail to see Natalie in person. As CSI they get a special permit to meet her in the interrogation room. The door opens and a guard escorts Natalie Davis inside. She is handcuffed and she’s wearing an orange suit. For the first time in 14 years she, Sara and Gil are in the same room. The guard moves to stand in a corner and Natalie sits at the table. Natalie is surprised by this visit: - I didn’t expect you to come. - Sara: - I didn’t expect your letter either. - They contemplate in silence for some time. Natalie clears her throat: - Anyway, thank you. Your presence here is very important to me – Sara replies: - I’m here because I wanted to look you in the eyes, to make sure your words were true and your regret sincere. Natalie: - Mrs. Sidle, I don’t know what to do to prove it to you - Sara: - You wrote you don’t deserve forgiveness… – Natalie: - No, I don’t. I’m a sinner and I need to be punished for my sins! – Sara: - Hmmm. It was not easy to understand it but now, now I’ve got it. We have different backgrounds, different stories but we have one thing in common – Natalie looks confused. Sara continues: - We are survivors, Natalie! We are women with physical and psychological scars. I could have surrendered to the difficulties that life put in front of me, as you did, but I decided to move on and I’m still doing it – Sara grabs Gilbert’s hand and squeezes it. They exchange a tender look. They both smile before Sara shakes her head and goes on: – Therefore, I forgive you! – Natalie is incredulous: - Why are you so good to me after all I’ve done? - Sara: - I’m not good, I just think this place and your sense of guilt are enough for me. We cannot live in resentment forever, and you know what? I’ve learned such an important lesson from a very mature 13 years old boy who has been through hell in such a short time. Goodbye Natalie. - Sara and Gil stand up and leave the room, Natalie and her nightmares behind. Dylan will be home soon with some of his friends. Tonight, they will go to the Luna park, they will ride the rollercoaster and then eat pizza. Their future is definitely bright.

THE END

#csi crime scene investigation #csi vegas #fanfic #fanfiction #sara x grissom #sara sidle #gil grissom #gsr

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ggukcangetit · 4 years

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Dreamcatchers Chap 3

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Synopsis: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 4.1k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. Basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama

Previous: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Acknowledgement: shoutout to @stutterfly for designing this beautiful banner which i am completely in love with and stare at for no particular reason throughout the day

A/N: reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

18th December

Ahreum parked her motorbike outside the bakery and checked her phone for messages. There were none. This wasn’t unusual in itself, except for the fact that she had been supposed to meet him 2 hours ago at the other end of town. Which meant that he was hiding from her.

“Where is he?” she asked, walking up to the counter and heaving a tired sigh.

Seokjin pressed his lips together, trying to suppress the grin that was threatening to break out. Ahreum was definitely a force to be reckoned with - usually bright and overflowing with energy, there was only one situation that caused the optimist in her to hurtle towards a speedy demise.

“Can I interest you in some raspberry choux au craquelin?” He picked up a tray with freshly baked pastry and waved it enticingly in front of her.

“This doesn’t work on me, Seokjin. Although-” she picked up a few and wrapped them in some paper napkins - “I’m sure Yuri would love to try these. Now, where is he?”

Seokjin sighed and took off his apron. “He’s in the room right at the back where I do the accounts.”

Ahreum sighed and walked around the back of the counter, heading towards the rooms at the back of the bakery. Seokjin had three areas at the back - his kitchen (really no one other than him was allowed in here), the store room (which was way too small to fit even one full grown person in it), and the accounts room (where a certain someone had taken to hiding whenever things got a little too difficult).

And sure enough, a mop of curly black hair was visible from the door to the accounts room. On any other day, Ahreum would’ve found his shenanigans extremely hilarious; but she was really not in the mood for any silly games today.

“You were supposed to meet me two hours ago.” Her voice was soft but it still made him jump up and nearly knock over the PC he had been fidgeting with.

“Fuck!” he gasped. “What the hell? I nearly died!”

Ahreum rolled her eyes as she helped him up. “Don’t be dramatic, Tae. It’s really not as attractive as you think.”

Be that as it may, there was not much that could be considered unattractive on Kim Taehyung. He was somewhat of a social media celebrity thanks to the aesthetically taken pictures of his undoubtedly handsome face - all of which Ahreum had taken. In fact, when Ahreum had shown Yuri some of the pictures from her instagram page, she had gasped rather loudly.

“He’s literally a piece of art!”

“I mean, yes, he’s definitely conventionally attractive,” conceded Ahreum, a little annoyed that her photography was almost completely being ignored. “But what do you think of the pictures?”

“‘Conventionally attractive’? Is that the best you can do with your Literature & Creative Writing degree?”

Ahreum peered over his shoulder to see what he was working on so intently, only to find that he was-

“Playing a game?? You ditched me to play a fucking PC game?” she gasped, whacking his shoulder hard. “What the hell is wrong with you, Kim Taehyung?!”

“No!” He held his hands up to protect himself from further blows. “I just started playing a few minutes ago! I swear!”

“Why’d you ditch, then?”

“Because…” he trailed off, looking away guiltily. That, in essence, was the entire problem regarding Kim Taehyung. He ran at the sight of any kind of responsibility or hard work. Correction - any kind of hard work that wasn’t related to his hobbies.

“You were supposed to finish reviewing company policies today so that you wouldn’t be unprepared when you meet your dad tomorrow.”

“I know.” He looked downcast, switching off the PC monitor. “I just-”

“If this isn’t what you want to do, you should just tell them.” Seokjin walked into the room, untying his apron carefully.

“I don’t know,” sighed Taehyung. “I’m not sure if this is what I want to do, but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. I’m not like you.”

“You don’t have to be like me, Taehyung,” sighed Seokjin.

Taehyung let out a humorless laugh. “Eomma and Appa sure are trying their damned best that I do become like you. At least, like you till you ran away.”

Seokjin snorted. “They’re tenacious, if nothing else.”

“Are you ever gonna come home?” asked Taehyung, looking up for the first time.

“No.”

This had never been an easy topic of discussion. Mr. and Mrs. Kim were owners of the largest financial consulting firm in Busan. They were well-liked in society and highly respected for their unusually ethical business practices. So it was a huge shock when their elder son - who had gotten an MBA and possessed all the qualities of heading a large company - had left home suddenly, leaving only a single note.

This is not the life for me. I have dreams of my own. I don’t think I can stay in touch. Please forgive me.

There were many tears shed, but recovery was quick as a new successor had to be found. Thus, the Kims’ younger son - the one who had lived a charmed and carefree life while his brother learned about business techniques and the history of the company - was suddenly thrust into the front line.

Naturally, when Taehyung had run into his brother a few miles outside of the metropolitan, running a cozy bakery, he had been less than thrilled. Ahreum still remembered the angry tears that had rolled down her friend’s usually cheerful face. Seokjin, on the other hand, looked so conflicted that Ahreum thought he might just combust on the spot. It had taken a few weeks, but the brothers had eventually reconciled. Taehyung had made a deal with his parents - he would attend all meetings and grooming lessons as long as he was allowed to live somewhere else. And that somewhere else happened to be Seokjin’s small, but tastefully done up, apartment.

Taehyung usually had 4 meetings in a week; all ending by 4 pm so that he could drive home before nightfall. The rest of the days, he was free to do whatever he pleased. This arrangement had worked well for almost 3 months, but Taehyung’s free-spirited nature could only hold out for so long. He had been reaching meetings late, forgetting to complete paperwork, and even sneaking out early if he could manage it. Seokjin had requested Ahreum to make sure his younger brother attended all his meetings because he was always managing the bakery at those times. Seokjin himself made sure that Taehyung didn’t forget to do any of the work that had been assigned to the younger boy during his meetings.

Today, however, Ahreum realised that her friend was at his breaking point. He had done everything in his power to avoid her so that he wouldn’t have to prepare for the meeting. Not just that, Seokjin-

“Why’d you let him hide here?” Ahreum turned towards the older Kim brother, her hands on her hips - a sure sign that her patience was running thin. “After the dozens of lectures you gave me about making sure he’s doing what he’s supposed to, you go ahead and help him play hooky? What the hell, Seokjin?”

Seokjin didn’t know how to explain to her that he felt guilty. Guilty that his younger brother was suffering like this, guilty that his parents were so desperate that they had decided to entrust the future of the company to a young boy who had missed his final university exam because he had found a stray puppy during his morning cycle rides (and had promptly decided to adopt it). But Seokjin couldn’t leave behind his dream - his resentment towards his family had been growing with each passing year, and the drastic move and change in communication had been a desperate attempt to stop himself from hating his family forever. Caught between doing right by his own self and by his parents and younger brother, Seokjin often questioned if any of this was worth it.

But rather than explain all this to his brother’s friend - who had pinned him with a rather glowering look - he did what he always did in difficult situations. He avoided answering directly and used humor to deflect everything.

“I was cleaning up your mess, unfortunately. I’m not the one who lost him during a fixed study session, Ahreum. You should be thanking me,” he grinned, dodging the pencil Ahreum threw at him. “But since I’m such a generous, handsome, charming, and talented individual, I’ll let it slide and pack two large boxes of pastries for you to take home. One for your friend and the other for Namjoon. No charge, it’s on the house.”

Ahreum rolled her eyes while Taehyung giggled at his brother’s speech.

“I’d better get 4 large iced teas along with the pastries,” she said, finally relenting. Seokjin winked at her and went back to the front of the store to get everything prepared.

“I’m sorry for ditching you,” Taehyung said softly, his black curls falling over his eyes. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Maybe we should try and figure out a different system. How many more of these meetings and lessons do you need to attend, anyway? Why don’t you ask your parents if you can reduce the number of meetings in a week?”

“I guess I could,” he replied, thoughtfully. “By the way, did you see Jimin on your way here?”

Ahreum shook her head. “Nope. Was I supposed to have?”

“No… it’s just that-” he checked his phone absentmindedly. “He hasn’t been answering any of my calls or texts since last night.”

“Since when does Park Jimin start his day before 3 pm?” scoffed Ahreum. “He’s probably hungover at some girl’s apartment.”

“Aw come on, Ahreum. He’s been so much better recently,” whined Taehyung. “And I’m not saying that just because he’s my best friend. He barely parties anymore - unless it’s a business appointment. He’s been helping his dad with the business as well. Unlike me, he actually goes to work 5 days a week.”

“Wow, let’s give him a medal for doing the bare minimum.”

Seokjin appeared at that moment, holding two bulging pastry boxes and a cup holder with 4 cups of iced tea.

“Tell Namjoon to drop by sometime, or that’s the last eclair he’ll be seeing!” he yelled as Ahreum strapped on her helmet and bade goodbye.

xxx

Jeongguk sat at his desk, his mind straying to that night in November. He could clearly recall the murder - the young woman on the ground, blood leaking from the multiple stab wounds all over her abdomen. She lived on part-time jobs, her demeanour quiet and unassuming as recounted by the handful of employers who had managed to recall her face. It was not surprising that she did not have too many possessions of her own, her life neatly tucked away into a one-room storage on the ground floor of a run-down building. But it wasn’t all of this that kept distracting Jeongguk from almost everything in his life - it was the picture of a three year old girl, the only evidence of life in the entire room, smiling brightly at her mother. The mother who lay in a pool of her own blood, and the little girl who had been missing since that day.

“The ramen’s gone cold? Things must have really changed since I last saw you, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk turned around at the sound of a familiar voice, his eyes lighting up in surprise.

“Yoongi? What are you doing here?” he asked, getting up and hugging his friend. “Why aren’t you in Seoul, putting bigwigs behind bars?”

“Let’s get some lamb skewers. My treat.” Jeongguk grinned at the suggestion, the grisly murder and the missing girl temporarily forgotten.

20 minutes later, they were sitting at a hole in the wall diner that Jeongguk hadn’t been to since he had been promoted to Detective Inspector.

“Are you telling me that our own Min Yoongi is now a father? The same guy who instilled fear in the hearts of the juniors by narrowing his eyes at them?”

Yoongi laughed, his gummy smile appearing for the first time. “She’s almost 4 weeks old. Sometimes I’m not even sure if she’s real. But then Eunbi puts me on diaper duty and there’s no way that smell can’t be real.”

“Knew she was something special the day she called you out on your bullshit,” grinned Jeongguk. “The famous Min Eye Narrowing technique didn’t work on her.”

“Yeah, she told me to stop pulling all-nighters and get a new prescription from my eye doctor,” recalled Yoongi, adjusting his glasses. “Turns out the famous Min Eye Narrowing technique was just plain old myopia.”

“But enough about me,” he continued, once Jeongguk had stopped laughing. “Why was that ramen sitting out and getting cold?”

Normally, Jeongguk wouldn’t discuss the details of a case with anyone else. But Yoongi wasn’t just anyone - they had trained at the same police academy in Seoul and the older boy had quickly understood that 18 year old Jeongguk wasn’t a standoffish troublemaker; just extremely homesick. Even after Jeongguk had moved back to Busan, he and Yoongi still kept in touch with each other, no matter how sporadic.

Jeongguk sighed and explained the details of the November case. “I just can’t let it go. Where is that little girl? We haven’t found a body either - so there’s a chance she might still be alive. It’s just- I think I’m going crazy.”

“I understand,” said Yoongi, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “That pathetic partner of yours can’t be of much use either, I’m sure. Still don’t know how they promoted Song to Detective Inspector. I’ve always maintained that he’s one shot away from becoming an alcoholic.”

“Well you weren’t wrong,” said Jeongguk, with a resigned chuckle. “They relieved him of his duties a couple of months ago.”

“Oh? Who’s your new partner then?”

“Some annoying Captain America wannabe,” grumbled Jeongguk. It was a well-known fact that he was a huge Iron Man fan and had not appreciated the ending of Civil War. “Choi Yuri - she’s from Seoul.”

“Choi Yuri?!” asked Yoongi, his eyes widening comically. “Your new partner is Yuri??”

“You know her?” asked Jeongguk, frowning.

“Of course I know her! We worked together for almost 3 years!” exclaimed Yoongi. “Wait, why’d you call her a Captain America wannabe? You hate Steve Rogers.”

“I do not hate Steve Rogers. I hate Captain America. There’s a difference.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you don’t like Yuri.”

“She’s too by-the-book.” Jeongguk frowned, his fingers twirling the chopsticks absentmindedly. “Perfect first impression, perfectly friendly to everyone, perfectly punctual; Goh absolutely loves her. I’m sure she’ll get in the way of the investigation because of her need to follow procedure to the t.”

Yoongi frowned. “That... doesn’t sound like her. I mean, she’s definitely punctual but she’s never made a great first impression. She usually comes off as reserved, aloof - haughty even.”

“Maybe she’s changed,” shrugged Jeongguk, not particularly interested in the personality changes of his new partner.

“She has. I didn’t think that incident would have affected her like this. But…” Yoongi trailed off, staring at nothing in particular.

“What incident?”

“The reason she was transferred from Seoul. Hasn’t she told you?”

“No.”

“I don’t know if I should…” muttered Yoongi, his face reflecting his inner conflict. “But if knowing the truth makes it easier for you two to work together, then…”

Jeongguk frowned, wondering what exactly the big mystery was.

“We were investigating a homicide and it led us to a very high profile family in Seoul. It was quite clear that the eldest son was involved in the murder. I was Chief Inspector at that time, and we were getting a lot of pressure from above to wrap up the case without involving the family. But Yuri was determined to pursue the investigation. She had even rented an apartment closer to work so that she could devote more time to the case. One night, when she got back to her apartment, someone attacked her. It was quite brutal and she needed a couple of surgeries and two months of therapy after that. We eventually had to drop the case against the eldest son. Right after that, Yuri got her transfer letter. I didn’t know she had been transferred here, otherwise I would’ve told you about her. She’s a smart detective, Jeongguk. Just try and work with her. Maybe she needs some time to adjust to getting back to work after that entire fiasco.”

Jeongguk was stunned. He would never have thought Yuri had gone through something so traumatic if Yoongi hadn’t told him. Her outward demeanour hinted at nothing of the sort, and he felt a small bubble of guilt forming in his stomach.

xxx

Yuri sat at her desk, going over the autopsy report for the twentieth time. There were no leads (other than a very uncooperative Park Jimin), no physical evidence, no concrete motive - things were looking increasingly hopeless. On top of that, she still had to contend with an asshole of a partner.

“Yuri?” Seulgi ran up to her desk, slightly out of breath. “Where’s Jeon?”

“Dunno,” she shrugged. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I think we may have something.” Seulgi pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. “After the autopsy concluded that Eunwoo hit his head after being pushed, I wondered if there was a proper fight preceding that. So I examined his clothes and hands once again - to try and find any evidence of a scuffle. And I did. There was dried blood, not a lot, put enough for me to run a test on it. And you know what I found?”

“It wasn’t Eunwoo’s blood.”

“Exactly. Which means...?”

“It might be from the person who fought with and then shoved him to his death.”

“Unfortunately, the blood on the sleeve doesn’t belong to anyone in the system so I would need a sample to test it against.” Seulgi waved a hand in front of Yuri, trying to get her attention.

“Oh yeah… Sorry. Yeah, a blood sample. Our only suspect right now is Park Jimin. But we let him go yesterday because we didn’t have anything concrete to hold him.”

Seulgi frowned. “So what are you waiting for? Ask him to come in and provide a blood sample.”

“It’d be completely voluntary, though. He has every right to refuse,” said Yuri, closing her eyes in frustration. She had a feeling there was no way Park Jimin would cooperate with her now when he had blatantly refused to provide an alibi earlier.

“I know you’re new here, Yuri,” said Seulgi. “But Jimin’s an asshole. Everyone knows that. He’s evaded the law so many times because his father has the best lawyers on his payroll. That’s why he’s not in the system even though he deserves to be - he’s bought his way out multiple times.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?” asked Yuri, genuinely curious.

Seulgi’s body stiffened at the question and she stood up suddenly. “I’m just stating facts. I don’t know him personally.”

Yuri could see that she had touched a nerve. “I’ll try and get him to give a blood sample. How long would you need to run the test?”

“I can have it done the same day if I get the sample early enough.”

Yuri pocketed her phone and keys, swiping the half-empty bottle of water from her desk, and walked towards the exit. Her mind was thinking of how exactly she could convince Park Jimin to willingly provide a blood sample. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake off the wariness she felt around young sons of influential businessmen and politicians. She no longer knew what the right step forward should be in an investigation. Something that was instinctive and almost second-nature to her, had been robbed from her and she had no idea how to get it back. Her continuous second-guessing would eventually show in the investigation, and she had no doubt that Jeon would jump at the chance to expose her inadequacies. Once again, she felt alone and vulnerable; somehow trying to survive while her weaknesses were laid bare for anyone to pick at. She had never felt this powerless since graduating from the academy.

In her distracted state, Yuri almost ran into heavy incoming traffic. Almost. Fortunately, someone grabbed a hold of her and yanked her back by her elbow before she could become roadkill.

“Oh my god! Thank you so much! I-I wasn’t looking where I was-” she stopped short as she realized who had pulled her back to safety.

“Yoongi?!”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’m not the one who was heading directly into peak traffic,” said Yoongi, rolling his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine,” she said, still trying to process everything. “What are you doing here?”

Before Yoongi could reply, another voice spoke up.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead and catch up? The coffee shop across the street isn’t too bad. I need to attend to some paperwork anyway, so don’t worry about me. I’ll see you later, Yoongi.”

Yuri stared open-mouthed as Yoongi grinned and thanked Jeon for lunch.

“So, coffee?”

It had been a few months since Yuri had seen her friend and senior. He didn’t look too different, except for the bags under his eyes. Maybe he had become a little thinner as well.

“You didn’t tell me why you’re here,” said Yuri, once they had both gotten their orders.

“I came to pick up something for the little one,” said Yoongi, opening a packet of sugar and offering it to her.

“Shit. I totally forgot! The last time I saw you, Eunbi was approaching her due date! How is she? And how’s baby Min doing?”

Yoongi scrunched his nose at the last question. “Baby Min is a horrible way to address anyone. Let’s not do that. Eunbi’s fine, and so is the little one. We still haven’t decided on a name yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of a really beautiful name,” Yuri said, smiling softly. “There’s no need to rush.”

“How are you?”

Yoongi’s question was simple. But they both knew that the answer to it was anything but.

“I don’t know.” The frown on her face told Yoongi that a direct approach was not going to work.

“I heard that you haven’t been getting along well with your new partner,” he asked instead, suppressing a grin when her eyes lit up furiously.

“About that,” said Yuri, crossing her arms over her chest. “How do you know Jeon?”

“Jeongguk and I trained at the same academy. I was a couple of years ahead of him. But we have a mutual love of lamb skewers that helped us bond. He’s a good kid.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” muttered Yuri. “Didn’t think I’d ever doubt your character judgement abilities, Yoongi, but I’m gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Jeon’s an asshole. And he’s made things really difficult for me, even though it’s barely been three days since I started here.”

“I won’t lie,” chuckled Yoongi. “He didn’t have the best things to say about you either. But I think I know you both quite well. And I think you’ve both got bigger things weighing on you right now which have clouded your personalities. I’m not saying you should go ahead and become best buds right away. Just… keep an open mind.”

Yuri remained quiet, not sure how she felt about what Yoongi had just said. It annoyed her that her friend didn’t appear to be on her side completely.

“I can see that you aren’t liking what I’m saying and the annoyance has already started to show on your face,” said Yoongi with a twinkle in his eye. “So I’m just going to say one last thing on the issue. The 2nd November case that Jeongguk’s been overseeing - I want you to go over it. You might be able to help.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…”

“I know that you’re scared. Your fear is completely understandable. But that’s just a part of you - maybe a bigger part than you would like, but a part nonetheless. You didn’t choose this and you definitely didn’t want this. But it’s something that you are going to have to accept eventually. The scars that are formed unknowingly, unwantedly, mistakenly - they are all part of your constellation.”

It was strange. Yoongi hadn’t told her to overcome her fears - he hadn’t even asked her exactly what it was that she was afraid of. But his words had struck a chord somewhere.

When they parted outside the station a little later, Yuri stared at her friend while trying to decide what to tell him. In the end, she settled for something professional whose meaning was deeply personal to the two of them.

“I’m sorry they demoted you.”

xxx

hey everyone! hope you’re enjoying the story so far. feel free to drop a message/ask if you have any questions/thoughts on the story.

#jungkook #jungkook x oc #jungkook fic #bts fic #namjoon #taehyung #jimin #yoongi #seokjin #hoseok #c me write bangtan #btsbookclub

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cecilspeaks · 4 years

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161 - The Space Race

Space, the final frontier. The womb, the first frontier. Somewhere between those two, the ocean. Welcome to Night Vale.

I’m excited today for the annual Night Vale Children’s Fun Fact Science Presentation. Yess, that’s right! As we’ve done every year on this day, we will be devoting our entire episode to a scientific narrative that is sure to delight both the young and the young at heart. And also those who have stolen young hearts and incorporated them into your flesh sacks. For this year’s Children’s Fun Fact Science Presentations, we will be looking into the history of – the Space Race. Mmm! My husband Carlos has been helping me research this. Thanks, honey! And so it should be airtight and without error.

Now, the Space Race truly began in 1792, at a garden party hosted by the first Duke of Luftnarp one lazy July weekend. A bored group of noble people were sitting out in the garden in all their ruffles and wigs, looking absolutely fashionable for the time, and absolutely ridiculous to modern eyes. And soon the conversation turned, as it often does in parties, to how much they all hated the moon. “Stupid moon!” said one. “Lousy orb!” added another. “Why, I loathe that sky rock!” said a third. Then they started to throw things at the moon to demonstrate how much they hated it. But none of the objects they threw, not the champagne glasses, nor the decorative party masks, nor the dangerous knives, came anywhere near the moon. Most of the hurled items followed the tedious arch of gravity back into the party with mixed results for the attendees, some of whom required immediate medical attention. “This won’t do,” said the first Duke of Luftnarp. “We must hit the moon square on with our objects of derision. “Let us endeavour,” said the Prince of York, “to build an object that can make it all the way to the moon, and smack that awful rock right across its ugly surface. The first one to do so will show that they indeed hate the moon the most.” There was general cheering to that remark, along with some moaning from those who had been struck by the falling objects. And thus, the Space Race was born.

And now the news. As I’m sure we’ve all been following, there is a presidential race going on. Yes, Night Vale may be a small town, mostly preoccupied with the banal goings on of our day to day life, but we are not unaware of national stories. Just like any other town, we have our own opinions on the presidential race. And spirited debates are held weekly in the Compressed Spine amateur boxing gym. Winner is generally by knockout, although occasionally a winner has to be chosen by points. I myself am a strong supporter of Spotless Tony, who I think has the best positions including banning guns, legalizing writing utensils, and Medicare for Spotless Tony. A-a program that would provide comprehensive health care to himself. Others may support Heartbreak Maggie, and I do see the arguments for her. She has the most number of arms, the most number of eyes, and her singing voice literally kills. In any case, I think we can all get together on one thing: Old Towel Leonard has got to go. Get him out of here, ugh! Old Towel Leonard! This has been the news.

And now traffic. Lift your eyes, pilgrims. See above you, another world awaits. This world has grown so tired. This world has grown restless. This world has less color and more dust. Lift your eyes, pilgrims. See above you, another world awaits. Get to that other world by any means, pilgrims. For what are pilgrims without their pilgrimage? What is anyone without a destination? You must lift yourself up to that other place. Gather your supplies, pilgrims. Strip this world bare in order to raise yourself up. Take every scrap around you and put it toward that other world. This is all that matters. It’s all that matters to you, and so it is all that matters. Aloft, pilgrims. You have done it. from here, the sweep of the universe presents itself. Cast down your eyes, pilgrims. See below you the world you left behind, the world you stripped bare to make this journey. There was found all the conditions of life. Up here is only a cold, lonely hollow. Why did you ever feel you needed to leave? But oh well, ooooh well. For what are pilgrims without their pilgrimage? This has been traffic.

Let us know continue with our Children’s Fun Fact Science Presentation. The history of the Space Race. The Space Race went on through the 18th and 19th centuries, with the rich and poor alike trying to be the first to successfully throw something at that horrible moon. The most obvious methods were quickly tried and discarded. Catapults only managed to cause collateral damage to neighboring homes, gunpowder only backfired on the scientists involved, often quite literally. One woman, the Arch Dutchess of the Motley Meadows, believed that she could reach the moon through dreaming. Every night, she performed a series of meditations that allowed her to have lucid control of her dreams. In those dreams, she would fly upward, each time getting a little closer to the dumb old moon. It was her belief that when she reached the moon in her dream, she would attain the same goal in real life. But the moment she finally touched the moon in her dream, she awoke to find herself in the stifling darkness of a coffin. It seems she had died several decades before, but still she dreamed. Having ascertained that there was no way back from the grave, she performed the meditations and fell into one final endless lucid dream. And that basically sums up the Space Race until 1953.

Now a word from our sponsors. Today’s show is brought to you by Borders Books and Music. Remember the old days when your legs were shorter, but your life stretched longer? When the shadows were less dark and the lights less bleary. When the internet was a secret club and not a poisoned chalice. When energy was a bottomless thing, not a quickly siphoned tank. We are what once was. Look on our works, both books and music, ye mighty, and peruse. Borders Books and Music. What you are now, we used to be. What we are now, you will be. This has been a word from our sponsors.

The lawsuit in the case of the estate of Franklin Chen versus the city of Night Vale continues apace. The suit is currently in the discovery phase, which has been made difficult by the fact that the apparent murderer of Franklin Chen, Hiram McDaniels, has not been seen in Night Vale for years. Not since… the incident. And all records in Night Vale are top secret. So every time the lawyers for the Chen family try to see one, they have to dodge the laser grid and tank darts that surround every filing cabinet in City Hall. Those lawyers have filed an injunction against the city to try to force them to turn the laser grids off, but as the official Night Vale motto, written by the town founders hundreds of years ago clearly states: “Laser grids or death”. More news on this lawsuit as news is made by this lawsuit.

Back to the Space Race. Affairs continued with little success until 1953, when the United States, descendants of the Prince of York, decided that enough was enough and established the North American Slap the Moon Agency, or NASA, dedicated to developing the skills and technology needed to give that horrible orbiter what for. Meanwhile, the Russians, descendants of the Duke of Luftnarp, started their own agency designed to kick the moon in the you know what. And so a bet between two bored aristocrats became a global race, as they both tried to be the first to aim missiles at that sad little planetoid. To represent us, we chose Neil Armstrong. He was a test pilot, and he reportedly hated the moon more than anyone. Above his bed, he kept a National Geographic picture of the moon. The caption: “Can this celestial trash ever be put in its place?”, which he had drawn a huge red X through. Below that, he wrote: “Darn you, moon!” Which was the strongest language that existed in the 1950’s.

Finally, all was prepared. Neil Armstrong and his fellow astronauts boarded the rocket. All was quiet. Then, all was loud. More soon, but now for this week’s word jumble.

The following nonsense words will, when the letters are rearranged, produce a simple phrase we all know well. Here we go. Before I went into the cave, the prospect of the cave became so monstrous in my head that I dreamt about it for weeks. In my dreams I was just outside of the cave and I knew that the moment I stepped into the cave, my life would be over. But I also knew I could not delay my journey into the cave. I shook and shook with fear, and in my shaking awoke myself. This happened night after night. Then came the day of our expedition and to my horror, as I stood outside the cave, the same dread certainty came to me as soon as I stepped one foot into the crevice before me, my life would be over. I shook and shook, but I did not awaken, for I was not asleep but in the terrible dream we call life. So there it is. Just take those nonsense words apart and rearrange them into the phrase we’re looking for. If you think you have the answer, you probably do. Great job! Uh, before we go, the answer to last week’s jumble was: “Hop! The window shakes slyly, look here!” Which is, of course, the title to Dave Edgar’s new book of essays about block chains. This has been this week’s word jumble.

We near the end of our story on the Space Race. Neil Armstrong and his comrades hunched in this tiny capsule that absurdity of absurdities was about to be launched through void to lifeless rock. Sweat on his nose, sweat on his lips. Then sweat in his mouth. This was all unnecessary, the-the history of humanity did not require us to physically touch everything there is, but. Some drive made him willing to risk his life, the only life he would ever get, in order to go far away and then come back again. There was a sound. There was a fire! There was pressure! And then, there was an absence of pressure. And they were at the moon. The lander careened its way to the surface. Neil, sweat still on his face, placed one foot on the moon. “I have a small foot,” he said. “But humanity metaphorically has big feet. Biiiig huuuge metaphoric feet.” History would record and repeat these poetic words. Neil looked about him. He had done it. He had been the first one to smack into this disgusting space rock. All around was grey, and above that black. And within that, unnervingly distant blue and green. And then, Neil saw.

What Neil saw in a moment. But we really should, and we really must Go to the weather.

[“Have a Smoke” by Head Portals https://headportals.bandcamp.com]

Neil’s breath made shapes on the inside of his helmet. Some part of him felt that it was not even him on the moon, but that he was merely watching someone else’s body through a little window. That other him stepped forward and saw something truly odd. It was a house. Solidly built, two floors, a front door and gable windows. As he looked at it in disbelief, he realized that it was one of many. An entire town all cleverly camouflaged from above with grey and black mesh, so that it would appear through telescopes to be merely the awful boring surface of the awful boring moon. He was not the first one on the moon after all. Who had come before? He walked through the town, tho it appeared abandoned. He stood in the middle of the main square and he said, tho he would not be able to be heard through his helmet and the thin atmosphere: “Hello?” In every window appeared an animal. Dogs, cats, snakes, hamsters, and parrots. So many animals all watching him silently, regarding him from the windows of their little town. One cat, grey as the moon itself, hopped from her ledge and came over to him. “I am Barbara Emmeline Gwendolyn Sauss,” said the cat. “But you may call me Barb-E-Q –Sauss.” Neil said: “You can talk?” And then he said, “Well, apparently you can, I don’t know why I asked. The cat continued as though he had not spoken. “This is our city. We are the lost pets of your world. We are lost, because that is what we choose to be. We came here so we could be lost forever. Tell no one.” Neil didn’t know what to say. All of his training had been about zero-G maneuvering and the best way to hit the stupid moon when he got there. Nothing about how to interact with a cat that wanted him to keep a secret. “Please,” the cat repeated, and Neil nodded. Not knowing what else to do, he went back to the lander, climbed in, and looked at the other man who had made this journey with him. Lee Marvin looked back at him with gentle eyes. “Lee,” Neil said, “You’re not going to believe this!” “A secret lost pet city on the moon?” Lee said. “Well…” Neil said, “Uh… yes!” Lee nodded thoughtfully. “Better leave them to it then,” he said. “Probably better we keep this between us.” Lee did not look surprised. It seemed to Neil that maybe Lee was there precisely to ensure that this secret was kept. And so again Neil only nodded, and they made their preparations and left. As they launched, out of the tiny window, Neil could just barely see thousands of animal eyes looking up at him. “I’ll keep your secret,” he whispered, “I’ll keep your secret. And he did. He never told anyone. Neither did Lee. No one knows this story. No one has ever heard it.

This has been the Children’s Fun Fact Science Presentation.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Correct placement from right to left: salad fork, soup spoon, salad spoon, bread knife, bowie knife, meat thermometer, entrée fork, and finally, the dessert claws.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #episode 161 #the space race

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telesthisia · 3 years

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(copy and pasted from a meme resource. feel free to copy and fill in for your own muse!)

WHAT THEY SMELL LIKE: She has a sort of refreshing smell to her (that sounds weird ok LET ME GO A LITTLE MORE INTO THIS) like freshly cut grass or... or that smell you smell when you walk outside early in the morning where there’s still dew on the grass and the sun isn’t fully out. Also roses because tfw you’re spoiled stupid by the castle staff and constantly take rose water baths, constantly covered in rose oils with a sprinkle of rose perfumes. The maids said we hoarding this bitch for our princess when they discovered rose water and other rose products hJKA!!!

HOW THEY SLEEP: Hugging a pillow, on her side!! With s/o you bet your sweet ass she’s cuddling with them!! Honestly though it’s a bit concerning how she sleeps because she more or less sleeps like the dead and it’s tough to wake her up considering she’s talking to ancestors and other dead folk during sleeping hours so she kinda forgets that she’s asleep when really deep in a conversation pft!! When having clairvoyant dreams, however, she’s a bit more lighter in terms of sleep!

WHAT MUSIC THEY ENJOY: She likes string instruments like the lute or the harp/lyre! Also enjoys folklore music and I’d say soft piano pieces but well that thing wasn’t invented until early 18th century so... uh *looks up middle ages instruments* ORGAN!! That bitch has been around since like the BC times, 3rd century apparently if google is telling me the right answer, that’s the closest we’ll get weeps weeps.

HOW MUCH TIME THEY SPEND EVERY MORNING GETTING READY: I’ve been watching history videos of how long it takes to get dressed in different eras, it’s all super interesting but whew I’m glad I live in an era where I just put on shorts, any shirt, shoes, and thigh high socks and leave the house HWEOH! But, she wakes up early in the morning to clean up a bit before the maids come in to help with all those heavy skirts and junk along with makeup and fixing up her hair and trying to tame the floofs™ all in all a pretty freaking long time. If she were to wake up earlier before the maids came in, get done quicker by just wearing peasant clothing (which takes seven minutes if these history videos are correct hweoh), brushing her hair so it can appear a bit neat despite the floofs™ that stick out and minimal makeup (eyeshadow and lipstick) it only takes her twenty minutes at most!

FAVOURITE THING TO COLLECT: Paintings but like really weird and creepy ones that only speak to her at a level no one could really understand but her, sadly she finds beauty in everything even in the macabre so... she also loves collecting romance novels but that’s a secret she’ll take with her to the grave, she’s a sucker for simple trinkets it doesn’t have to be fancy and bonus points if there’s cool backstory to those, old coins... anything with history behind it actually!

LEFT OR RIGHT HANDED: Right.

RELIGION (if any): Hyrule Creation Mythos ;v; though Hylia is more or less forgotten in her era the golden goddesses not so much!

FAVOURITE SPORT(S): Horse back riding and gentle walks, that’s the only thing she can do without dying hWEOH

FAVOURITE TOURISTY THING TO DO WHEN TRAVELING: SHE’S SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO SEE THE WORLD SO YOU NAME IT AND SHE’LL DO ALL THE ANNOYING TOURISTY THINGS!! Sightseeing, taking pictures or well having a painter paint certain areas more like it, trying all the foods she can eat, exploring every inch of the area my girl loves to explore and try new things what can I say?

FAVOURITE KIND OF WEATHER: Cloudy, rainy days are lovely. But she does like warm sunny days with a nice cool and refreshing fall breeze. She’s not a fan of anything too hot or too cold just mild weather.

WEIRD/OBSCURE FEAR THEY HAVE: Cries, not much to fear when you’ve faced death multiple times and seen your kingdom come to ruin while watching loved ones die and are constantly plagued with creepy clairvoyant dreams while also linked to the spirit realm thus I Can See Dead People... UH honestly not much scares her aside from being kidnapped once again that’d but her in a panic really, but like, is that really weird or obscure? Erm though I will say she does have Atychiphobia with a touch of Atelophobia due to environments where she’s expected to be perfect. She also does not like being alone or in worse yet, alone in dark places. Yeah... YEAH SHE’S AFRAID OF BEING COMPLETELY ALONE!!! That fits and works and I’m adding that.

THE CARNIVAL/ARCADE GAME THEY ALWAYS WIN WITHOUT FAIL: Whack a mole.... trivia games but Whack a mole to the surprise of everyone. Also ring toss too!

Tagged by: not tagged but I stole it from @legendarylullaby

tagging: you, the person reading this ;v;

#about.#dash games.#it's two in the morning i need to sleep HONESTLY #just a quicky quick meme thing tho #i'm off for the next two days so uh let's see what can be done ;v;#have a good night!!

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owenepierce · 4 years

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Live and Learn || Para

Who: Sam Evans & Owen Pierce

When: June 18th, 2020

Where Sam’s suite.

Notes: Owen’s first proper punishment + feels. @sammythedominant

Owen left Hunter’s feeling a little calmer about what was ahead of him. He was still nervous to be sure, but this was Sam. He knew deep down that he had nothing to be afraid of. Sam knew that physical pain terrified him and Owen trusted him implicitly to abide by his limits. Still, the fact that he’d disappointed someone he longed so badly to impress weighed heavily on him. Sure, it was over something objectively playful, but it was a matter of principle. He knew that self-discipline was an area of weakness for him. If anything, Owen hoped that whatever happened throughout his first punishment, he’d learn and grow from it and be a better submissive as a result. Taking a breath, Owen dropped to his knees and knocked almost sadly at Sam’s door before dropping his blonde head shamefully and waited to be let inside. Sam wasn't looking forward to having to punish Owen for the first time. Intellectually, he knew this was probably a good thing. Getting that first punishment out of the way, showing Owen that a punishment could be a good, healthy thing instead of the scary thing he was imagining. That the Heads had inflicted on him. He checked the clock as he heard the knock on the door, and smiled when he saw it was 7pm exactly. Sam got up and walked to the door. He sucked in a breath quietly as he saw Owen kneeling there, and could tell the sub wasn't feeling good. "Come on inside, Owen, and go kneel by the couch, please." Owen looked up at the sound of the door opening and met those gorgeous green eyes that he was becoming more and more familiar with. They looked sad, and that weighed heavily on Owen’s heart. His lips pulled down into a pout and he breathed out a heavy sigh. “Yes, sir,” was all he managed before standing up and trudging over to the couch. He clasped his hands in his lap after lowering himself to the floor once more, a wave of dread overwhelming him as he heard Sam shut the door and make his way into the living room. Sam wanted badly to scoop Owen up into his arms, cuddle him and reassure him that everything was going to be okay. It hurt that he couldn't do that right now. Every punishment lesson he'd ever had in Dom classes were screaming at him, reminding him to give Owen boundaries and discipline right now. "So, you're being punished right now because I gave you a clear and direct order, and you disobeyed that order," Sam said firmly, making his voice be as level as possible. "Do you understand that, Owen? Why you need to be punished today?" Owen heaved a sigh and slumped his shoulders before nodding gently. "Yes, sir. I understand. ...I messed up." He uttered quietly. His hands dropped from his lap and he idly traced the lines of the floorboard directly under him. His mind was racing. Surely the punishment would fit the crime. He'd disobeyed an order - that he understood perfectly. The order that was disobeyed was one that had been set forth in a playful context, though. It wasn't that Owen hadn't taken it seriously. He had. He just didn't grasp the gravity of disobedience until this very moment. Now, with the idea that Sam wouldn't inflict any physical pain on him, he wondered pointlessly about what Sam might have in store for him. Owen's sign made Sam want to hug him, and take care of him, even more. He forced himself to stay strict and strong, feeling sure that the best course of action was to show Owen that he could be a strong and reliable Dominant in all areas, not just in fun scenes. Sam nodded as Owen spoke quietly. "So, there won't be any physical pain, which means there are going to be two parts to your punishment today," Sam explained, as he reached over the arm of the couch, and picked up a notepad and pen. "The first part is, you're going to sit here at my feet, and write lines. I will obey Sir Sam's orders all the time, twenty-five times. Then When I'm thinking about Sir Sam, my cock does not belong to me, another twenty-five times," Sam explained, as he held out the notepad and pen. "Understood, Owen?" Owen heard the slight rustling of paper and cast his gaze up to find Sam presenting the notebook. He worried his lips together and nodded, feeling a huge weight lifted off his chest. He almost felt terrible for having been nervous at all. So far, the punishment really did fit the crime. He perked up a bit at the mention of the punishment consisting of two parts, but with one look into Sam's eyes, he felt immediately comforted and knew, somehow, that whatever else happened, everything would be alright. Owen reached out and took the notebook and pen from the dominant. "Understood, sir. Completely." With that, he scooted back a little and placed the notebook in between Sam's feet. He leaned forward and, without thinking, pressed a gentle kiss against Sam's calf. Then, he took a breath and brought the pen to the paper. With the first stroke of the 'I', Owen let out a little gasp. It was pink. Leave it to Sam Evans to think of that. Owen looked up at Sam with the beginnings of an appreciative smile until he remembered the task at hand, cleared his throat, and got to work. Despite his attempts to stay strict and firm, Sam helplessly smiled sweetly as Owen kissed his calf, seemingly automatically. Sam was pretty sure that a life with Owen would be a life wrapped around the submissive's little finger, and throw in Blaine too, and Sam knew he was done. As Owen gasped at seeing the pink ink, and Sam saw that little smile aimed up at him, the young Dominant knew that a life of being that tangled up in his submissives was exactly the life he wanted. How could it not be? Settling back into his strict role once Owen started writing again, he grabbed the TV remote and turned on a random channel. He knew that in a punishment like this, the added knowledge that the Dom was doing something as mundane as watching TV and not watching the sub's every movement, could add a little something extra for the submissive. Sam was curious to see if, or how, Owen would react to that. It was a unique experience, to be sure. The words he was writing were bringing forth a wide array of thoughts and emotions. On the one hand, there was relief; relief because the notion of his sexual satisfaction remaining at the mercy of Sam's direction meant that Sam still had lots of interest in dominating him. If he were honest, the fear that this slip-up would turn Sam off to spending time with him was a very real one. It was bred out of plenty of past experiences with boys brushing him off once he no longer interested them or became too much to handle. Sam was special. Inarticulately so, and Owen knew that losing whatever it was that they were building would crush him. This exercise indicated that they would come out on the other side of this punishment not only in-tact but stronger than before. About half-way through, he chanced a glance up at Sam and noted that his focus was on the television and not him. It didn't make the punishment any harder or easier, but it certainly stung a bit. Pushing through, Owen wrapped up his task, punctuating each sentence with a little heart before dropping the pen. "All done, sir." He shook out his hand a bit before picking up the notebook and holding it up for Sam to receive. Sam turned the TV off as soon as Owen was done, and despite himself, he smiled at the submissive. He took the notebook from Owen and looked over it. His smile grew as he saw the hearts punctuating every sentence and instinctively, he reached out to ruffle Owen's hair a little. Sam figured Owen had earned that much reassurance, at the very least. Without further commenting on the lines, wanting to save that for after the entire punishment was done, Sam closed the notebook and looked down at Owen. "Okay, part two of the punishment," Sam said, as he stood up. He turned and pulled out a seat cushion from the couch, before walking over to the far corner of the room and placing it on the floor. "You're going to kneel here, facing the corner, hands behind your back, for ten minutes. If I catch you looking around, or fidgeting, the ten minutes start over, and we're going to keep that going until you've done a full ten minutes of silence, still kneeling." Owen's heart did a whole-ass cartwheel when Sam smiled down at him. It always meant a lot, but right now - more than ever - it meant the entire world. Owen beamed back up at him, and clasped his hand together, waiting hopefully for some acknowledgment that he'd done everything correctly. The little ruffle of his hair did the trick. It was simple, concise but was perfectly reminiscent of their usual dynamic. Owen scooted to the side, giving Sam room to stand and set the second part of the punishment up. Owen listened intently to the details of his next task and nodded slowly. "Got it, sir... I'll do my best." He wanted more than anything for this whole thing to be over so that he could follow his gut - which had been telling him to throw himself at Sam in one of his signature tackle-hugs since the moment he saw him - he was thus, determined to see this bit through. Once everything was situated, Owen crawled to the corner, got onto the cushion, clasped his hand behind his back, and let his eyes flutter to a close, with nothing else to do but wait. As soon as Owen knelt, Sam started a timer on his phone and moved back to the couch to wait out the ten minutes and keep his eyes on the submissive. Not even two minutes into the punishment, Sam's timer was interrupted by a video call. The ringtone rang out around the room, and Sam stifled a sigh. He answered it, knowing that his little brother would only end up telling his parents he hadn't answered, which would just get them calling too. "Hey, Stevie, now's not a good time. I've got a sub here," Sam said, and then internally cringed. Why had he given his little brother that information?

A sub? So not Blaine? Oh my God, is it that blonde dude that tagged you on insta? Stace was saying he's so ho--

Sam ended the call right there and sighed. He knew without a doubt, Owen was going to end up teasing him about that. "Don't think I didn't see that reaction, Owen. Ten minutes are starting over, right now," Sam called out, though the amusement was clear in his tone. Owen was working on mentally reciting the script to Legally Blonde to pass the time when the sound of Sam's ringtone broke the silence. Owen instinctively wanted to turn and address the intrusion but disciplined himself to stay still. Despite his efforts, Owen perked up at Sam mentioning his younger brother's name. He'd been yearning to learn more about the rest of Sam's family, and he couldn't help listening in to try and pick up what he could. It seemed like there wouldn't be much to pick up on until Stevie mentioned a certain Instagram post. Owen's post. The submissive heard out all that Stevie said, turning his head slightly and barely suppressed a giggle. Once the call was dropped, Owen knew Sam's reprimand would come before it even did. Mouthing a silent 'damn', Owen refocused and went back to reciting his favorite movie lines in his head, albeit with a slight smirk gracing his features as he waited out the excruciating ten minutes on his knees. Sam started the timer over again and knew that Owen and Blaine were going to tease him mercilessly about Stevie's comment later on. He kept his eyes on Owen for a few more moments, before shooting off a quick text to Stevie with a middle finger emoji. It was five minutes into the second round of kneeling that Sam got a text from his Mom, reprimanding him for sending such an emoji to his little brother. Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and put his phone down, keeping the timer in eyesight. He was impressed with how well Owen was handling the silent, still kneeling, and was hopeful that this time around, Owen would get through it. To say that this was the longest ten minutes of Owen's life would be a massive understatement. It was like doing planks over and over again but not even having the timer in front of you to watch the time dwindle, however slowly. Owen took to literally counting the speckles of drywall in front of him until his mind wandered to the reason he was sitting there in the first place. All of this could have been avoided had he just exercised more discipline. That was and continued to be his biggest issue as a submissive. He lacked self-control. It was never with malintent - but rather, a brand of obliviousness that was uniquely his own. He knew that he had to work on that. He would. He'd be better. If not for himself, then for Sam. At that, the timer went off behind him and Owen let out a sigh, relaxed only slightly but stayed where he was. A punishment wasn't over until the dominant declared it as such. Owen knew that much, and he wanted to end this on the right note. Sam smiled as Owen didn't move from his spot as the timer rang out. He'd been partly imagining Owen instantly turning around and rushing over to him for a hug and cuddle, but he should've known that Owen would want to do his best to impress him right now. He was happy to see Owen doing his best and knew that, despite Owen having an issue with a lack of self-control, that there was nothing malicious there. Owen's whole attitude to the punishment had taught him that, and Sam knew that meant there wasn't a problem here that they couldn't work on together. "You're done, Owen," Sam said, ten seconds after the timer had rung. "Come on over here, and bring the cushion back. Your punishment is over." Owen didn't need to be told twice. With a huff of exertion, Owen scrambled to his feet, cushion clutched to his chest, and almost tripped over himself on his way over to the couch. He hurriedly put the cushion back in its spot, hopped on the couch, and threw his arms around Sam's neck, pushing the other backward across the sofa. He nuzzled into Sam's neck, enjoying that same, rustic, masculine scent that he'd grown so accustomed to. "I'm sorry, sir." He mumbled against the crook of Sam's neck. "Really, really sorry." He emphasized, not relenting on the hug for a second. Sam smiled as Owen threw his arms around his neck, and Sam fell backward against the couch. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the submissive and hold him tightly. "I know you are, and you're forgiven. That's what the punishment is for, okay?" Sam explained. "You did something wrong, and the punishment is how you make up for that," Sam said, before pausing. "Well, that and by learning from your mistake. Which you're going to do because that rule is still there. You still need permission, every time you think about me like that," Sam told Owen, as he held the submissive against his body. Owen was completely strewn on top of Sam at this point, and yet it was such a natural position for them. Owen propped his chin up on Sam's chest and listened to his final notes. "I got it, sir. I swear, every time I feel like I need to touch myself when I think about you, I'll ask first." He huffed and gave the other a slight smile. "It's just tough. You're ridiculously hot and I'm pretty much thinking about you all the time at this point. I don't wanna...overwhelm you, I guess? I've told you this before, but I'm not used to people sticking around." He idly drew little circles against Sam's chest as he spoke, his blue eyes focusing on the fabric of Sam's shirt aimlessly. "The last thing I'd want is for you to get sick of me..." Sam's heart ached for Owen, as the submissive mentioned again how he wasn't used to people sticking around. It baffled Sam that someone as sweet and perfect as Owen could have abandonment issues like this, but it only made him want to protect and care for Owen even more than he already did. He sucked in a breath, as he began to run his hand up and down Owen's back. "You maybe think that I gave you that order because it's fun and hot, and it gives us something sexy to do," Sam murmured and shrugged his shoulders. "That's definitely part of it. But the main reason, the real reason, is because I want you to have a reason to talk to me, as much as you want. I want that connection, a lot more than I care about what you're thinking about when you jerk off, Owen," Sam said softly, as his hand moved up to stroke the back of Owen's neck. "I'm hoping that you following this order, all the time, will show you I'm not going anywhere." Owen couldn't pinpoint the moment that did it for him. Maybe it was the way Sam's breathing seemed to line-up with his own. Maybe it was the way Sam's strong, calloused hand moved against his back, effortlessly ironing out every trepidation he ever felt in a matter of seconds. He lifted his gaze to meet Sam's - his own wavering, blue eyes reflecting back at him as he listened to Sam speak. Maybe it was the promise that Sam wasn't leaving. It could've been any of those things or all of them, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the fact that Owen felt...home. In a new, wonderful way that he couldn't quite assign a word to. Owen didn't know what to say. So, he didn't. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sam's lips, bringing a hand up to wind into the back of his hair, letting them linger like that for a few solid beats before he slowly pulled back, his eyes embarrassingly brimming with a few tears. "I hope you know...I don't need a reason to talk to you. That's something I constantly wanna do. I'm clingy. Physically and emotionally...but, I think it's time that I stop doubting you. I told you way back when we first started chatting that I'm a handful... All I'll say is that you're about to find out just how much." Owen punctuated his statement with a little boop to Sam's nose and a giggle. Sam was gently taken by surprise at the kiss pressed to his lips, but barely a second went by before he was smiling against Owen's lips. He let himself enjoy the quick kiss, but his worry for Owen amped up as soon as they broke apart and he saw the tears threatening to fall from the submissive's eyes. Quietly, listening to Owen as he spoke, Sam reached up and gently wiped under Owen's eyes to wipe away any falling tears. He smiled as Owen booped his nose, and couldn't help but wonder why Owen thought he was a handful. He'd seen nothing from Owen that suggested he was, all he'd ever seen were positive things that he really wanted to see more of, and he really wanted Owen to understand that. "If you're ready to stop doubting that, then I want you to talk to me whenever you want, okay? You've still got your order to follow, but I want you to talk to me if you have a bad day, or a good day, or whatever you want," Sam murmured. "Also, I'd need to talk to Blaine first, but how do you feel about setting up one day every week where the three of us always play together? Maybe something simple, maybe something a little more complicated. Whatever we all feel like." Smiling brightly, Owen leaned into Sam's touch. "Alrighty, sir. I can do that, and I will." The shorter blonde grinned at the idea of having a day every week to do a scene with both Blaine and Sam. Owen nodded eagerly. "Yeah, that'd be amazing! I'd really, really like that." Owen cuddled himself up against Sam and let out an elated sigh. He hadn't expected to wind up so happy at virtually any point, that night - yet here he was, a bundle of sunshiny joy. Why wasn't the idea of scening regularly with another submissive bothering him? All his life he'd dealt with a bit of a jealous/possessive streak, yet for whatever reason, the way Sam acted with him alone and along with Blaine didn't trigger that part of him. Perhaps it was his love for Blaine that kept his possessiveness at bay. The other submissive had become one of his best friends so it was impossible for Owen to see the other in a negative light. There was a lot Owen needed to mull over. Thoughts and feelings that he'd been tossing around lately had now been amped up considerably - but for now, he just wanted to lay there and enjoy the easy intimacy they had with one another.

#para #para: sam evans #sam evans #live and learn

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serenityssobrietyus-blog · 4 years

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The beginning of my story, definitely not the ending.

In advance, let me apologize for the length of this post. For those who read all the way through, thank you. I hope you follow along with the rest of my journey, share experiences, thoughts and more. I greatly appreciate and love all of you. Here we go!

My substance abuse didn’t start at an early age as a lot of people, it crept up in my twenties like the silent disease it is. I would say the progression really started when I was twenty two-twenty three. A lot of it is a huge blur, I remember a lot of good times, but also a lot of bad times, mentally and emotionally. I remember trying to always do as much as possible to catch up on the times I missed out bring pregnant at eighteen through nineteen, then having a newborn and baby through 20. I’ll say the emotional trauma began when I was eighteen, my first relationship ended and instead of processing it in a healthy way, I gave my virginity away a week later out of spite and this really killed me. I realize now it was because I really didn’t love myself back then.

Shortly after this time period, I met the father of my daughter. There was a lot of drama that followed after, from exes, negative opinions, rumors and allegations of cheating, and an unexpected pregnancy very early in the relationship. During my pregnancy, one of my best friends passed away and this hit very hard. I got to go to the funeral luckily, but I had to miss out on the vigil because I knew it would be too hard on me and my unborn baby. I was already under overwhelming stress and emotional baggage. Not shortly after there was the allegation of cheating and proof, I was a pregnant torn up mess. I have this burning memory of crying outside of Forever Twenty-One when I worked there, sitting in my car holding on to my belly just pouring out my emotions, apologizing over and over and saying no matter what I would do my best to be a great mother for her. We worked through that, then on August 16th, 2011 our beautiful girl was born. Things were great for a little while, she was beautiful and healthy and we were happy. Then my biggest fear happened; another allegation this time with overwhelming proof and a confession.

My whole world crashed around me, because of how and why. All I can say is that it really just made me feel completely unimportant and this was when really everything came crashing down. I self-medicated in the worst ways and unfortunately got myself into a terrible situation, one night there was a boy who just wouldn’t accept no as an answer. Of course, we were all drinking and that, in turn, was the reason that no one took my rape seriously. He pushed and pushed until I caved. I cried after and it still apparently was okay, and the assumption was that I was just drunk. To those who didn’t believe me, I don’t blame you and I’ve moved on. To the boy who raped me, I’ve left you behind with the old me, I’m sure karma will work its way with you and I’ll still be living free.

Unfortunately, after that time period, I’ve spent a lot of nights in extremely sketchy situations and have slept with people while under the influence and have completely regretted it. Waking up in beds that weren’t mine, sometimes hotel rooms and not remembering how I got there or who was there. I’m honestly so lucky to be safe (physically) and alive today. Then comes the biggest relationship to impact my life, negatively and positively. I’ve learned the most from this relationship especially now more so than when it was happening. My alcohol abuse impacted this relationship heavily, my girlfriend tried to help, she really did, but the truth was that I was just not ready to change and face my emotional turmoil. I was heavily self-medicating and denying it completely. This eventually ended our relationship and again, instead of me processing it in a healthy way I resorted to a night of heavy drinking my feeling away and went home with a guy friend. Next thing I know I’m pregnant, depressed, confused, lost and feeling totally alone. He wasn’t anywhere ready to be a father and I wasn’t in any position to have another child.

I ended up getting an abortion, even though that was also the last thing I wanted. My ex-girlfriend and I were trying to work on things and she wasn’t ready for a child either. At this point in my life, I was pro-life and she knew how much this meant to me. I’ll get into this story a little later in my blog, but the end results were very devastating. I attempted suicide and luckily survived, in hindsight, I’m glad everything happened the way it did and I’m here today to share my stories and hopefully will help those still suffering who can relate in any way. Unfortunately after my attempt though, my abuse of alcohol didn’t slow down one bit, it actually got worse, a lot worse.

I knew this would eventually happen that my drinking would get me into legal trouble. My drinking was getting so bad to the point of constant blackouts and emotional explosions. Getting so completely drunk that even the smallest thing would send me off the edge and completely lashing out. One night out, something so trivial as someone wanting someone else to drive made me snap for no good reason, get completely over-emotional and running away from my friends with no words and getting into my car. Boom, DUI. At that time I didn’t consider my tolerance and had no idea just how high it was, my BAC was .26 which is twice the legal limit. Which is also pretty high for a girl of my stature, especially to be as coherent as I was. This whole experience was very traumatic I did stop drinking for about a month and started feeling better; I thought I was fine. I was not fine.

I got complacent and comfortable, I thought I would be fine this time. I had just started dating this girl; this relationship I can’t say I regret, because I definitely see it as a lesson learned. At the beginning of our relationship, I wasn’t drinking, but she was, also cocaine was involved. Eventually, the temptation took over. First I started with just a drink a night, maybe just a glass of wine. Then the next thing I knew I was drinking just as much as before and now drugs were involved. Eventually, the relationship ended, but my drinking was at an all-time high. The drugs went with her too, with is a great blessing to me, because I couldn’t imagine fighting any other addiction like alcoholism with something else on top of it. I wish the drinking could have gone with her too, but life just didn’t work out that way.

Life has a funny way of working, and I really do believe everything happens for a reason. I believe all the things that have happened before have led to this very moment I’m about to share with you. All these things are what make me the person I am today, and give me the strength to continue on today. Like I stated earlier, I really hope someone, anyone, can take away from my story something to help them or even just encourage them.

Here we are, 2019, my drinking at the highest it’s ever been, I couldn’t even comprehend just how high my tolerance had gotten or just how close I was to killing myself through just drinking alone. It finally all caught up to me, all my emotional trauma I was holding onto, all the negative self-medicating through drinking. I was honestly at a point where I stopped caring. So many days day drinking, leading into the night, waking up every day hungover, drinking before work to fight off the hangover. Going into work violently sick, or intoxicated fighting through every shift just thinking of that drink I’ll have after to feel better. Spending days on a friend’s couch not getting anything done, that needed to be done. Ignoring my family and my wellbeing completely, malnourished and a complete and total mess. It finally all caught up to the day that would completely save my life.

This day, such a blessing in disguise, but extremely terrifying that I got myself here. After a night of drinking and staying out with friends, we’re onto day two of this binge; we started off with breakfast which came with mimosas of course, then turned into one bar, two bars, three bars. Completely drunk, completely just not caring. Never showed up for work, with no word at all. Drinking myself into oblivion knowing that I become suicidal and a complete mess every time. For some reason (there’s a lot of reasons, trust me, that I know now) the universe wasn’t ready for me to leave this world this lifetime. The whole night was a blur, but I remember speaking to a young black officer; the one I claim as responsible for saving my life. The ambulance lights. The white walls of the hospital room. The constant flow of tears down my face. I was in the hospital with a BAC of .49. I’m beyond lucky to be alive or not in a coma. This all accrued between September 15–17.

I luckily got sent to a detox center called Pathways, which I’m so extremely thankful for today. It really was a great experience and was a great way to kick start my sobriety journey. I did a lot of soulsearching in that building and decided I was ready to leave that toxic lifestyle behind and start dealing with my issues head-on. On September 18th I saw my BAC at .00 and decided it would stay that way. Now here I am today November 27, 2019, and I’m seventy days sober. I’ve completed and 30 day Day Treatment that helped me a lot just like Pathways did. I’m making tremendous strides to bettering my mental, emotional and physical health. Really working on my relationships that better my life and processing all of my emotions in a healthy way.

I really wanted to start this blog to help keep me driven through my sobriety and give me something to be productive with. I hope to look back on this whenever I feel weak and know that I’m extremely strong and blessed to be alive. A special thank you to those who have been following my journey thus far, some of you have been here from the very beginning and I know you’re just as stoked for me to be here too, Ashley; part of my safety net, Lauren, Alicia, Lani, and Samantha, even though some of us don’t talk daily, I feel your love and support, I love you. And to those who have been a huge impact on me today and keep me strong, you’re my best friends and I couldn’t do this without you, Cody; part of my safety net, Sara, Burl and Simon, I’m so extremely thankful for all your love and support.

I really thank all of you for reading this too and those silent followers. If you take anything from this and would like to share, I’d love to hear from you. Well, I finally got this blog started, let’s see how this goes! Love you guys!

#sobriety #sober #soberliving #healthylifestyle #sober living #healthy living #positivity #my story #mystory #soberserenity #alcoholism #alcoholfree #alcohol free

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unleashthemidnight · 5 years

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I have this “what just happened” kinda empty feel emotionally but also positive mood. I just came from the doctors and it’s like a weird waiting in my treatment is over and new things are starting.

And this last week has gone weirdly good.

- I have left and been outside the house every other day now for just over a week. There has been days that I could have gone out in consecutive days but it might have been too much so trying to space things.

- I went to the gym that we have in this house on Monday (didn’t count that as leaving the house as it isn’t leaving the premises) and did some light warm ups, crosstrainer and strecthes - without the knee supports. I was careful and focused on the feeling on the knees mostly with everything I did - my situation with the knee supports is that I haven’t walked outside my home without them in years - let alone do any workout so I’m so freaking happy that I managed to do that and it didn’t hurt and there wasn’t any odd sounds or feelings. Sure I took the knee supports with me so if I had felt something I could have put them on but I didn’t need them then.

- this Tuesday was the meeting with the social worker and the lady who manages the rehabilition counselors/workers - something that is “taken home”. And I’m getting one (and thus I’m now also a customer at the social work place - I don’t know how to translate it). So at one point I will get a message and phone call from my worker and their job is to help me do things and get me moving - to start doing a thing and focus on it until it’s done - like dishes, laundry, cleaning - what it may be - everyday things. But also outside the house - go to the store, go to cafes, play minigolf, something that gives me good experiences.

- My wardrobe has been in this weird evolution space as things don’t sit well anymore or is broken and so on and mom has had the same problem and internet offers sizes and styles better - and knock on wood - but we have been pleased and positively surprised with what we have gotten. Tho I need to return a jacket that is way too big for me but too small for mom on the shoulders. But it is the only thing and i haven’t paid it yet and so on. But clothes - yay - things that fit me, are comfortable and I feel good in.

- Today was the doctor and the nurse - care/treatment meeting. The doctor was new to me. Outcome: morning meds dosage is now more, we might add dosage with the evening one. The doctor will write the paper for the rehabilitation allowance to continue it to the end of this year (depends does the place actually admit it to the whole time or not ofc), new treatment meeting with the nurse and the doctor is in the fall at some point. 18th of April I have meeting with the nurse at the day clinic (where I was last year around January-March) to look and plan how one group there would suit me - to get me out of the house and give some positive experiences. Would probably start in May. And depending how that group and the rehabilitation worker times will start with me - because both of them would be weekly (group around 3 times a week plus 1-2 times with the worker) - I will see my nurse around every 2 or 3 weeks. Depending of everything.

But yeah. Surprisingly good feeling. And there’s things coming on my way that will hopefully help me on my journey.

Also thank you for sticking with me and checking and sending messages - I’m sorry that I haven’t been so active with answering but know that I love you and I treasure those words and the feeling it has gave me when reading. <3

#rambling #totally rambling and jumping around #medical talk #mental health #positive things

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the-confused-student · 6 years

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I have not logged onto this blog for a terribly long time..

Hello! I have not forgotten about this blog its just as of late I have had nothing to post. Im not like everyone else in this community who still does work despite the end of exams. I have no reason to continue to work since next year's topics have no connection with the first year of sixth form. Ill give a little update on what has been going on lately though.

I dont think I have talked about this but my communication studies paper 2 was probably the worst exam I did. I honestly hated that subject and thay has probably caused me to do so badly. I had 0 motivation with that subject.. even thoigh there wasn't really much to study as that paper has nothing to do with our syllabus its weird. That together with the fact my teacher hasnt given anything practice essays so they could correct and guide us and then they were on sick leave. We got a new teacher and that messed up everything. We were all over the place. For this subject you have to do something called a school based assessment/internal assessment. It composes of a written part (introduction to your topic.. mine was cosmetic surgery, a preface on your reflective piece, a reflective piece.. I chose short story, and an analysis of your reflective piece discussing the aspects of communication in your piece) and an oral part. I did excellent in my written part. I actually got full marks. For my oral part.. I knew my speech really great but my form teacher.. said something about a deceased teacher who I was very close to ans it caused me to break down. I got 9/16 in my oral presentation. Now for my written exam. I dont want to blame the teachers really because I chose to neglect this subject. I wasnt expecting it to give me so many problems since I was previously a Literature Student but boy. I think my hatred for this topic overcame me. We have 3 essays for each module. My module 1 essay was quite fine. But I took too long on it. We have 2 hrs and 30 mins to do this exam. I spent about 54 minutes on this essay. Instead of my ideal 40. My module 2 essay was horrendous. They asked us about dialectal variation when really and truly you could obly see two aspects of it instead of the 3 you needed. I bluffed my way through using the narrator as they spoke in Standard English. For one of my questions I misread "contempt" as "content" and I thus answered it wrong but I still stated some things that should give me marks. For our communicative behaviours.. I also hardly found any. For my module 3 essay.. I only had about 25-30 minites left and I had to rush. We had to make a proposal on encouraging Volunteer work within the school and.. I don't like thinking about this essay because we had 0 pointers on writing this up as it is not to be written in normal essay format. My sub teacher simply said "do it like a business proposal" ahh..

After this exam I had my biology paper 2 exam. This was much better. But we still had ridiculous questions (i answered everything though and I marked myself.. I had a good set of marks). They gave us a 10 mark question on mRNA transcription. Anyone who has done that should know the process isnt even that long for it to be worth so many marks. Granted we had to draw. But I couldnt see where the marks came from?? There were other things on the paper that bothered me but I did it aince May 18th so I cant remember all.

After these were just paper 1s which are multiple choice. I did really good in these especially since I did past papers and they bring back alot of questions. The order of best to worst though I think it would be Chemistry, Environmental Science, Biology and Communication Studies. Also we are given 1hr and 30 mins to finish these papers. I finished them in 25-40 minutes. Our exam board allows us to leave after the first 30 minutes but my school does not permit us to leave until times up. So essentially I sat in an exam room for a very painful hour doing nothing. This is terrible because it leads you to check over alot and change answers(I did this to one of my answers and now I will be getting it wrong.. sigh)

My chemistry multiple choice was my first one. I had a two week break between my first amd second multiple choice. This was really bad because I instantly went into vacation mode amd lost all motivation to study.. I managed to do my past papers though so no need to study.

I did my last exam as of yesterday 10:30 am. It was my biology paper 1. I felt so happy.

I was doing a 1500+ celebration but as no one really noticed it I decided not to bother. So that post was deleted in case any of you were confused.

Annnnnnnndddd thats it. I have been seriously considering doing a results reaction.. maybe liveblogging it? I definitely would not be showing my face.. I dont know if Ill even talk about my results because Im scared to see them. They are coming back im August and I think thats when A levels and gcses come out too? As I said before our education system is based on the British's. I wonder who would be doing reactions to their results? Let me know because I love to see them!

If I happen to do good in my exams, Ill definitely talk about what I did during my first year of sixth form. Actually maybe regardless I can talk about my first year of sixth form if any of you are interested.

#if they are any typos #i did this on my phone so excuse them #studyblr #new studyblr #studyspo #new studyspo #study blog #new study blog #study time #exams #sixth form #study motivation #study notes #study inspo #study inspiration #studysthetics #study aesthetics #studyspiration

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thelocalrebel · 6 years

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black sails (2014-2017)

If pirates, period dramas, queers, anti-colonial uprisings, and characters doing selfish things because they're being human are your thing, read on.

Welcome to the New World, or what the colonial empires of the 18th century referred to the Americas. New Providence Island in the Bahamas is the main setting in the show, an island referred instead as Nassau by its denizens. You might know some of them - Anne Bonny, Jack Rackham, Charles Vane, Edward Teach, and Long John Silver, to name a few. At least, the more famous ones in history.

Fig. 1: the main cast - looking hella fine (src)

The show starts off benign: with our main characters involved in the hunt for a Spanish treasure galleon, the Urca de Lima...only for things to escalate quickly after, and what I feel is where things begin to get very interesting. (Or, when shit happens. Also, a warning for sexual assault in Season 1.)

Fundamentally, Black Sails is a story about haves and have-nots - but from the perspective of the have-nots. Outcasts of a so-called enlightened European society, trying their damndest to make a life half the world away - be it slaves, queers, or pirates. It's about a man waging war against an empire that wronged him for loving another man. It's about a former slave rising from sexual slavery to eventually ruling over the pirate capital of the New World. It's also about other slaves or indentured labourers becoming pirates, and defending this life to death if it meant they wouldn't be enslaved by anyone, anymore.

Sometimes, that means fighting civilisation. Sometimes, that means fighting the essentialising nature of history. For anyone demonised by larger society, there's always, always, that fear of being reduced to petty villains in history; the necessary evil and bogeyman that society has to unite over to defend itself. However, for queer pirates, it's more damaging because in a time where Victorian ideals of family reign supreme, they're not just monsters, they're also moral and religious abominations. Hence, the fear of being the villain in the story? So, so poignant.

All this will be for nothing. We will have been for nothing. Defined by their histories, distorted to fit into their narrative, until all that is left of us are the monsters in the stories they tell their children.

(Flint to Silver, Ep. XXXVIII)

Queers are fundamental to Black Sails. You can argue that almost everyone isn't straight, in that they don’t conform to Victorian-colonial notions of respectability and sexuality - after all, that’s why they’re in Nassau, of all places. Plus, watching how they struggle to embrace their identity AND finally growing into it? In a sense, Black Sails is a tragedy - throughout the show, we see characters fight and die to protect what they value most - people, ideals, goals.

Honestly, the general plot and politicking in the show is amazing - you're always aware of the stakes and the precariousness of the situation, but it's the relationships between the characters that form 999% of my feelings for this show. The sense of poetic justice, and the sublime monologues of characters? It's just a feast to watch and listen - like some of the declarations of love in this show.

I said no to Marion Guthrie’s plan, despite having no alternative and at the risk of losing the entire endeavor, because I refuse to situate a man in a position where he might interfere one day with my ability to repair things with you. You are the bravest person I have ever known, the truest person I have ever known, and I betrayed you and it sickens me. I am so sorry for working so hard to protect the wrong things. For failing to see there was nothing important that does not include you.

(Max to Anne, Ep. XXXVI)

Thus, despite the general gloomy outlook, personally, Black Sails ends on a happier note than the general tone of the show implies. Honestly, this is refreshing - there's always a point when killing off characters for "shock value" becomes overused, cheap, and just- tiring. So many chances to kill off the main cast, but they aren't. And if they are, they just are - none of that tragedy porn nonsense. And they're remembered, even four seasons later. They mattered.

No one’s entirely good, nor are they entirely bad. Everyone has done really shitty things in this show for personal reasons, because they're human. More importantly, we see how their actions lead to consequences which are sometimes devastating. Sometimes, that means gratuitous colonial bashing - which never gets old - because the more we learn about the main cast, the more we see how deeply civilisation has damaged them. That's why they're fighting back.

So, colonialism is never apologised for in this story. It's cast as the institution and exploitative empire it is, and if we're keeping score, is responsible for murdering a lot of people in this story. Everything coalesces as someone's speech to a colonial governor, and my word, he was fucking obliterated.

The voice you hear in your head I imagine I know who it sounds like, as I know Eleanor wanted those things. But I hear other voices. A chorus of voices. Multitudes. They reach back centuries. Men and women and children who'd lost their lives to men like you. Men and women and children forced to wear your chains. I must answer to them and this war, their war, Flint's war, my war - it will not be bargained away to avoid a fight, to save John Silver's life or his men's or mine.

(Madi to Rogers, Ep. XXXVII)

Even at the end, Black Sails leaves us thinking: who is right? Is fighting the power right to the bitter end worth it? Or is there a point where compromises need to be made, just to make it stop? Honestly, it’s the best way to conclude the series, given how we’ve watched the characters grow throughout the seasons; watching them fight for what matters to them. Best of all, they’re both right.

If I had to sum up Black Sails, it'd be this:

Black Sails is a show about misfits, told by misfits, on their struggles of that era, and how they manage to exist despite it all.

Some Spoiler-laden Articles

Queer and Diverse Black Sails is Quietly TV’s Most Revolutionary Show, Inverse

The Queer Lady Pirates of “Black Sails” Return For Their Final Season Tonight, Autostraddle

#review #media #representation #articles #queers #history #period drama #black sails

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turtlesoupstories · 7 years

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time is a cold wind: part one

@bonnie-wee-swordsman asked: Prompt: what if Jamie was the one that grew up in the 20th century, and he met Claire after he travels to the 18th?

thank you for such an intriguing prompt, bon! i hope that i can do it justice.

many thanks to the loves of my life @jamieclaire and the other bairns who helped me iron out all the kinks in this plot. don’t know what i’d do without ya! i hope you all enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think!

- kait

title inspiration chapter title inspiration

PART ONE: Disappear/Reappear

By the time his car had broken down, he was about a hundred miles southeast of Lallybroch. It had been sputtering and jerking the whole ride down the bumpy back-roads, and thus he should’ve expected its eventual demise. But this didn’t stop the frustration from coursing through his veins, the feeling of utter exasperation that caused him to slam his fist against the steering wheel; it truly was a piece of metal shite, as Murtagh had once called it. He scrambled out of the accursed vehicle, closed the door and ran straight into the woods. At this point, he had only one destination: elsewhere.

He knew that they’d be after him eventually; Murtagh and Jenny had been prepared for it, keeping him locked away in the cellar whenever visitors came to pay their respects. During the entirety of the funeral, he was locked up in that dank, windowless room, wallowing in his own self-pity as others mourned just up the stairs. Despite how much he wanted to be up there, he knew that Jenny wasn’t keen on taking any risks–he wouldn’t fight her about it, especially in her fragile state.

There were times when he had regretted what he had done. His country needed him, needed anyone who was able-bodied enough to fight, and yet here he was, running from the law like an escaped convict. Although, he thought wryly to himself as he weaved his way around the trees, I suppose in some ways, I am just that.

The more he dwelled on the idea, however, (especially now, as he ran for his life in the darkness of the Scottish wilderness), the less he regretted his decision. To be able to see his mother, albeit not for long, was worth the escaping, the plotting, the running… and not only to see his mother at the last, but to be there for his sister as she quietly–thoroughly–fell to pieces; to care for her when she felt she could not, as well as to provide for the estate and all of those who lived there.

Not much good I’d be doing them, now. Running from the law.

Before he knew it, he had entered a clearing, the trees seeming to part just for him as he ran through the dark wood. It was then that he saw the hill.

He’d known the stories, of course: the old folk tales his mother had told him at night before bed; the Woman of Balnain, the folk tale of the woman who’d gone through the stones and traveled far away from her own land. The dancers, the druids, and the faeries: carrying torches whilst wearing what seemed to be bed sheets, mesmerizing and beautiful and magical as they swirled around the stones while the sun rose.

There had been children that had gone missing at the site, with a brief scattering of adults and, as far as he knew, none of them had ever returned. The parents and loved ones would send out search parties, put the faces of those lost in newspapers and on posters, but to no avail; they’d bury tiny caskets full of flowers, stuffed animals, clothes… all to remember the child that seemed to have been ripped from time and space itself.

Whether these legends and stories of the stones were true, Jamie was never sure. As a child, he had believed in them as one would of faeries and dragons and aliens in far-off galaxies, but as an adult…

He hadn’t realized he had stopped moving until he heard the roaring of engines in the distance. Breaking from his train of thought, he lunged up the hill in long, heavy strides, the intentions of his actions clear. Whether the tales were truly tales or not, he was about to find out.truly tales or not, he was about to find out.

Upon approaching the hill, he noticed a dull roar, almost like the buzzing of a bee’s hive, that came from the center of the circle, crescendoing as he came closer to the tallest stone. Cleft at the center, the stone rose high above the rest, it’s granite face as menacing as some ancient ruin. It’s warning was clear: death occurred here. But James Fraser wasn’t going to take any chances, especially if his life was on the line.

He took a step, then another, and another towards the stone. The bees roared in his ears, pounding in his head and causing his eyes to strain, but he pushed himself forward until his hands were touching the cold surface. The sound of gunshots echoed through the air as everything around him faded to black.

When he awoke, he wasn’t staring at the sky, as he thought he should’ve been. Instead, he was face to face with a woman, her hair–a riotous mass of chestnut waves–tickling his nose as she was fumbling with the leg of his pants. What she was doing to him, he wasn’t entirely sure, and as he went to assess the face of the woman on top of him, a sharp pain shot down his left leg.

Her head lifted, revealing to him the face of an ethereal goddess. At first he thought she was Aphrodite–for she must be, with a face like that and eyes the color of polished sapphires–but upon closer inspection, he figured she’d have been Athena: a beautiful woman with a sharp tongue and wisdom held in check. She pushed him back down carefully, her entire weight resting in his stomach.

“Don’t move,” She warned, her voice reminiscent of a matron in a hospital. “You’ve been shot in the leg.”

The memory of gunshots replayed in his mind momentarily, and he winced. They must’ve knicked him right…

His train of thought halted immediately and before he could stop himself, he was sitting upright, scrambling to stand. The woman pushed him down–roughly, but not so rough that it seemed malicious–and hissed through her teeth, “I told you not to bloody move!”

“Please, I need ta know; what’s the date?”

Her eyebrow quirked skeptically before she replied. “It’s the first of November.”

“The year?”

She was looking at him strangely now. Instead of answering his question, she leaned forward and looked into his eyes, pulling at his eyelids and prodding at his temples. Shying away from her cold hands, she answered the unasked question instead. “I’m checking to see if you hit your head; you might have a concussion.”

“Nae, I’m fine,” he muttered, scooting away from her. He winced, however, when the pain in his leg grew steadily worse; nodding once to the leg, he muttered, “Besides that.”

A soft “hm” escaped from behind closed lips as she looked him over once more. Leaning forward to continue tending to his leg, she murmured, “How did you find your way to the faerie hill? And with a bullet wound, no less?”

“How d’ye”–he winced as she prodded at the wound with an alcohol-soaked cloth–“Expect me ta answer that when you havena even answered my question?”

She looked up from her work, a look of alarm passing across her glass face. “The year is 1743.”

He must’ve passed out again, for when he woke once more, the mysterious woman had finished cleaning out his wound. The leg of his pants had been rolled back down and his shoes were removed and placed neatly by the door. No longer on the floor, he had been moved into a small cot placed in the corner of the one-room cabin, right beside the fire. Rolling his head from the roaring flames back to her form, he stared as she went about her business, fiddling with different vials full of herbs and various colored liquids.

“Blink,” he heard her say, not taking her eyes off of the vial she had been inspecting. “If you stare too long, your eyes will start to strain.”

Listening to her orders, he blinked a few times, trying to clear the cloud that had formed around his mind. She met his eyes a moment later and answered the question he was about to ask. “You lost consciousness; I’m sure it’s because of the loss of blood from your wound.”

He tried not to stare as he observed her, the muscles of her back contorting this way and that as she moved about the small table, examining the contents of each vial and placing them into different cases. As he looked on, he had a strange feeling that he had met this woman before, but couldn’t quite place where.

“I thank ye for your help… Sassenach,” he stuttered the last word as he suddenly realized that he hadn’t caught her name. Carefully, he sat up against the headboard of the small bed and winced. “I’m sorry ta take up yer only bed.”

She waved a hand dismissively, placing the vial she had in her hands down on the table and making her way across the room. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she fiddled with the fraying edge of her apron. “Can I ask you a question? And please know, you don’t have to answer me.” After he nodded his assent, she took a breath. “Where is it that you’re from? Your clothes are so… finely made… you have to have come from somewhere pretty far from here.”

Jamie paused, unsure of how to explain any of it. How would he be able to tell this person, a woman he had just met, that he had fallen through time–two hundred years into the past–without thinking him mad? Any sane person would, and probably send him to a nut house to let him rot in his own insanity.

After a moment of debating what to tell her, he reached across and reached for her hand. Hesitating, he instead picked at the edge of her apron as well, tearing off a few small pieces of loose string. “I dinna think that I can tell ye that just yet.” Before she could answer, he continued speaking. “But I swear to ye, before I leave, you will know the whole truth.”

She nodded once, twice, seeming to take his word as a good enough answer. A smile formed on her lips as she murmured, “I suppose that’s a gallant enough answer, seeing as I never asked you what your name was.”

He smiled, “Neither have you.”

Her laugh filled the space of the room, echoing off of the tiny walls of the cabin. His heart lightened with it, and a large smile spread across his face.

“Claire,” She murmured, biting her lip to fight off her smile. “My name is Claire Beauchamp.”

Something in his mind clicked at the sound of her name, spoken aloud–Claire Beauchamp. Claire. He had heard the name before, on multiple different occasions, but couldn’t quite place where. No reason presented itself clearly to him, for how would he have known the name of some random medicine woman from the eighteenth century?

Before the silence became too prolonged, he reciprocated in kind. “James Fraser,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips. Her face flushed red as he kissed her knuckles. “At your service, ma’am.”

to be continued…

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twinflameshardcore · 7 years

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Mars, Mercury, Venus, Moon, Regulus - occultation

Since I wrote about September 16th and it’s conjunction between Mars and Mercury before, I’d like to share what actually happened that day to me. It was very different that I though it could be!

I’m linked tightly with these two planets which give me a quick, mental stimulation (Mercury) and a power drive to have things done (Mars), yet number 16 is involved in my birth date too.

http://earthsky.org/tonight/mercurymars-conjunction-before-sunrise

Energies of planets in this solar system have been distorted but they’re purging (through us), retrieving their best, divine, original vibration. That’s why most of us are either attached to old masculine or old feminine, not depended on your actual sex. The old negative masculine traits are aggression, impatience, anger, hate, abuse, manipulation, control, labeling, lack of empathy, forcing things to happen, invasion, rudeness, ‘my way is the only way’, shielded heart, etc.

During the last night, 09/16 at 4 am just before the very conjunction, I felt as if something put a ‘black hat’ on my consciousness, on my senses, on my ‘radars’ which I channel with. I saw black and blue expanding waves in my 3rd eye and there was also a feeling of 2 parts coming together, meeting inside of me. They were not excited about the meeting but they knew it was planned on happening and they had to undergo the process.

When I woke up, I put myself in the blank state of the mind - not expecting, just receiving whatever was coming from above. And my mood was worsening each hour! I felt mentally unable to create, to write, to think, to focus - a complete disability to use my both mental and physical powers. I was changing interests every 5 minutes, leaving things unfinished. My body didn’t want to give its energy to any of tasks I began doing. I could only lay down in bed, not even wanting to go outdoor. The mind was blocked against thinking about anything ancient. I couldn’t read about Incas or watch any documentaries. The brain didn’t want to process or have anything to do with that. It was similar to a state of depression where everything feels lost and yet I felt I was deprived of my regular 'Chi’ life energy and some layer of me was made to die again.

And when I dug deeper into myself, I asked my higher self why I was feeling so disconnected (I expected feeling quite the opposite - filled with ideas and action on that day), I received this answer: “Your old electric masculine energies are being removed because they are a source of conflict within. You cannot perform any longer like this. You didn’t achieve anything during the last few years, even you have been driven by these two - mental stimulation and ability to have things done. Thus they have to be taken out of you so you could be filled with the Light next which carries inspiration and creation. All you were doing was based on forcing yourself to thinking, having ideas, performing tasks, taking action, preparing, etc. This is a human behavior but not angelic. It was captured while you were collecting experiences when you left the Source of love - in various galaxies, on various planets and here on Earth specifically, during Orion, Sirius & Lyra wars, an encounter with a black hole, Mars, Venus and other home star and planet disasters, a following battle for survival, a constant enslavement, manipulation, brainwashing and a fight for the truth etc. You are VERY old. Plus, you were a male in all your past lives (this I figured out before), only in this life you are a female. And yet you don’t accept it because you know who you used to be, and you do everything like guys to stay authentic to your self because this your core power. Which is OK because it lets you stay with the masculine energy and yet in the feminine body with all its benefits - you don’t try to fit it into the feminine. Fitting in means a betrayal of the authentic self. But since these energies are too separated inside of you, there’s an imbalance and conflict within, and this must be removed so you could embrace your androgynous vibration fully. This was your original vibration, accept it to feel smooth inside. Oh, and do mind those crown tingles you feel once in left, then right brain hemispheres, then in both. This is a needed release”.

So I spent the day just letting it happen, while telling the Universe that it’d better be good so the next energies I receive would be equally satisfying and come into me fast, as I couldn’t live in such a state of energy absence any longer. In the evening I started feeling a bit better. I slept better too. I feel dry and empty today, but not so 'robbed’ anymore. This is the waiting time for another celestial event to happen.

The old feminine energies are represented by the Moon and Venus, which happen to enter an occultation just 2 days later on September 18th and it will also involve Mars, Mercury and Leo’s Regulus! Leo has experienced a solar eclipse lately.

http://earthsky.org/tonight/occultations-galore-on-september-18

This day may be important to all of you who feel very feminine yet this excess of energy brings all kinds of troubles into your life - manipulation, trusting wrong people, being back-stabbed, indecisiveness, mood swings, illogical actions, lending money or items and not getting them back, responding to a discussion before understanding it, speaking too much and doing little, feeling too much etc. We’re talking negative feminine traits.

Mercury & Mars make for an inner conflict between thinking and performing. ‘Should I do it this way or that way? Should I act from the logic/experience, or from the heart/passion/joy?’. Venus and Moon make us wonder ‘Should I do it alt all? How will I feel when I do this or that?’ These create delusions, self-inflicted wounds, addictions, being manipulated into things, weak will power, loving and protecting those who hurt, abuse, lack of logical thinking, danger of being a victim, inviting parasites, lowlifes and energy vampires into one’s existence, etc. And considering somebody their twin flame, while they’re not ;)

What’s happening before the Fall Equinox (22-23/09) is the balancing of our core energies and/or removal of the excess of some of these. Angelic and non-human life force is androgynous. It’s only the human that was made with such a duality embedded inside, to fight all the time either with one other, or remain in an inner conflict to sabotage the self (due to a lack of understanding how the other feels, and what motivates them).

The equalization happens also between me and the twin, in spirit, because it was the 3rd night in a row when I dreamt of us. We were close, sitting, listening, we even kissed and it made me feel the same when we kissed for real - complete within, detached from all energies which are not ours, accepted, having all internal sensors and antennas turned off, not needing to search for him or his love anymore. I rarely dream of us so it must mean something, that we are coming even closer.

I don’t know how it’s going to roll out after the Equinox. If you come across experiences like I shared above, stay balanced and let yourself be replaced by the better, don’t fight it. This way we could hold love, as love is the only comfortable vibration from now on when the split between the old and the upgraded is happening.

This post is copyrighted by the author of this blog who prefers to remain anonymous. My posts must not be used for commercial purposes of any kind. Respect my work - ask first before you copy, always include a link back to my site when you quote a part of my writing!

#twinflames #energy replacement #mars mercury conjunction #venus moon occultation #september 2017 astrology

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studioarabiyainegypt · 5 years

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WHY STUDIO ARABIYA INSTITUTE?

July 18th, 2010 was the day I decided that it would be better for me to submit to the will of God than for me to be one who submits to the will of my desires. That is when my journey into Islam and subsequently of Islamic knowledge became something I dedicated my life towards. It took years, years in which I became married and worked in some of the premiere Islamic organizations. Blessings upon blessings came, but the fervor and passion to continue my Islamic studies weighed on me. I sought out all traditional means in my community, sat with the scholars of the community, attended every traveling class available to me and, finally, the time came that my teachers came to a decision that it was time for me to move on. It was time to delve into the key of all Islamic Sciences and the key to delve into the book of God: the Arabic Language.

Mind you, prior to this, I had rough attempts at studying the Arabic language. I had done two semesters in my University, attended an Arabic class for a few months at a local masjid, but none of which took me to the level I felt a serious student of Islam should achieve. I looked at various schools around the world and contemplated where would be the best fit.

You should remember: I was not the only one making this journey. My wife would be accompanying me and, as such, I needed to find a place that would satisfy my craving of the Arabic language but, at the same time, give us the security and tranquility needed to maintain our marriage and happiness (a key that many students of Islam push to the side at the expense of their marriages).

Finally, we set our sights on 3 schools and applications had gone out to each, none of which were in Egypt. All 3 came back with affirmatives, letting my wife and I know that we were accepted to their campuses.

Yet something was missing in each.

After praying to God for His guidance and requesting direction from my mentors and scholars, I remained largely confused as to where and if we would leave our cozy home in the tourist capital of the world. Finally, a friend and Arabic teacher reached out and we discussed my plans, to which he recommended Studio Arabiya. After a short conversation, I remained hesitant due to the visible instability of Egypt and the current political situation.

So, I did my job as a husband and responsible seeker of knowledge and reached out to contacts that I knew who had lived in Egypt…those who were both born and residents here and those who were former students of the prestigious Al Azhar University. All responded with varying opinions – some having loved Egypt, while others having despised it.

Needless to say, none of it helped.

This was all going on near the end of the month of January 2016 and classes started March 1st. I truly didn’t think we would make it. That same week, I had helped put on a local outreach event for those of varying faiths at the mosque I was active with. At that event, I spoke to a long time friend and aunty in the community…one who had taken her entire family to the mountains of Yemen to study Islam.

It was with her words of wisdom and conviction that I decided Egypt was the choice for me.

It really was that easy, and for the sake of brevity in this post, I won’t get into details. In short, she reminded me of my intention to study and also reminded me that, though funds are important (a selling point of Studio Arabiya), nothing was more important than your intention.

My intention was attaining the Arabic language and, as such, God would open the doors of blessings and mercy.

So with that, the application was sent, the notice sent to my job, the community leaders informed, parents told, and the journey began. We waited for our response and in the meantime cleaned our home, sold all of our items and put it up for rent all in the space of 3 weeks. When the acceptance letter came, we purchased our tickets for the trip, formally made an announcement to the community and were on our way.

As this is the first of many blog posts to come, I’ll end here and tell you this:

Your journey to the Arabic language starts with you and your passion. How bad do you want it? I had some of the biggest scholars of America advising me of other choices and paths to take; some of them could have disheartened anyone and, at times, did dishearten me.

But my flame of passion couldn’t be ousted.

And so, here I am, in the beautiful city of Mokattam in good ‘ol Cairo. When I eventually contacted many of those same teachers and scholars, I received one similar answer from them all: “I needed to see how bad you wanted it and what your intentions really were.” It all went back to the beautiful aunty that advised my wife and I and the narration that opens the famous 40 hadith of Imam Nawawi:

It is narrated on the authority of Amirul Mu’minin, Abu Hafs ‘Umar bin al-Khattab (ra) who said:

I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: “Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man will have what he intended. Thus, he whose migration (hijrah) was to Allah and His Messenger, his migration is to Allah and His Messenger; but he whose migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

And the rest, as they say, is history or rather, you’ll read about it in the next post.

#Studio Arabiya In Egypt

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joonbird · 7 years

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I Am You, You Are Me

You run into your country childhood sweetheart in the big city.

pairing: taehyung x reader genre: (eventual, not in part 1) smut wordcount: 4.9k inspiration

“So, have you ever been in love?”

You hesitated, pretending to think about the question but knowing the answer. It had been a question your friend Sophia had just thrown out there casually, not noticing that it hit a sore spot for you.

You were both in the middle of doing your make up, perched comfortably in front of her bedroom mirror. You had shared a bottle of wine while doing your make up, and now that you were up to lipstick in your evening routine, you were both definitely buzzed.

The two of you were going to a party Sophia had been invited to, so the pre drinking had begun early. You were feeling the effects of the alcohol more than she was for sure, you had never been much of a drinker- unlike Sophia, who had whipped out the wine the moment you walked in the door, crowing that you both had to finish it by the time you were finished getting ready.

You glanced at your new friend now, tossing up whether you should tell her.

“Yes,” You finally confessed, she stopped what she was doing and grinned at you.

“Spill,” She declared. “Details.”

You laughed a little at her, unsure of what to say.

You had met her a few days ago on campus, you had recently transferred to a university in the big city and had been lucky to meet her in your orientation week. She had explained to you that she was only at orientation to scout for hot guys, and as ‘there was no good new talent’, she had been on her way out. She had walked straight up to you, confidently, and asked you where you had bought your boots. You’d told her your neighbour back home had made them in his tannery. She’d wrinkled her nose and asked what a tannery was. And thus, a friendship was born.

“What kind of details?” You giggled, she shrugged, returning back to the mirror to continue applying her lipstick.

“Name, what he looks like. The usual.”

You sighed, looking at your reflection in the mirror wistfully for a moment before responding.

“Taehyung. He was from my hometown. Handsome, really handsome.” You blushed a little at that.

She nodded, thinking. “Okay, and his dick? Big or small?”

You laughed in shock at that, she just grinned and shrugged at you. You paused a second before shrugging, fuck it.

“Big,” You couldn’t help a sly smile from spreading across your face.

She squealed in approval, turning to look at you properly.

“Okay, so he was hot, had a big dick, and you loved him. He sounds like a catch. What happened?”

You stared at her for a second, unable to stop a flicker of pain from flashing across your face before you shrugged.

“Honestly, I don’t even know. We were together for a year, everything was all good… and then one day he just got up and left. Went to go live with his parents. He barely even said goodbye properly.”

Sophia let out a low whistle. “Shit, that’s heavy.”

You shrugged. “Yeah… I mean, we tried to keep in touch, and we tried to make it work… but we were young. It fell apart.” You tried to keep your voice strong, but it trembled a little at the words.

We were so young, you reasoned, you were in your late teens when you and Taehyung had still gotten together. It was years ago now, a distant memory… but it had still hurt.

Taehyung had always been like a dream come true. He was sweet and affectionate, different to everyone else in your sleepy home town. He’d dance around and talk about his dreams of becoming a musician, his eyes getting dreamy as he talked about how he was going to make it big one day. He’d hold you close and tell you that you were both too good for this town, that you were both destined for greatness. He was Taehyung, impossibly playful one moment, and pensive the next.

He’d started acting distant, and then one morning, announced he was leaving to find his parents. You never knew too much about his parents, Taehyung himself didn’t know much. He had been raised by his grandparents and as long as you’d known him, he’d been morbidly curious about knowing all the details of his mother and his father. That being said, it always been something he talked about but never seemed to want to pursue. So when he’d told you he was leaving town, that he was going to finally locate them, it had shocked you.

He had left that morning. That, coupled with a few phonecalls you’d shared in the weeks after he left and never returned, had marked the end of your time together. You had given up on trying to contact him by your 18th birthday.

“I’m sorry Y/N,” Sophia said softly, reaching out to pat your hand comfortingly. “I know how you feel. My ex boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere too. It fucking hurt.” She laughed it off, but you could tell she was putting on a tough front.

“Fucking hurt sounds about right,” You just muttered, before sighing and turning back to the mirror, busying yourself with finishing your lipstick.

Sophia studied you sympathetically before sighing. “Guys really suck,” She offered.

You just sighed heavily and nodded. “Yep.”

You hadn’t thought about Taehyung for months, yet he was on your mind tonight.

Sophia was chattering away as you walked down the street, you nodded along to her and interjected with the appropriate “oh my God” and “no way” but in reality, your head was somewhere else. You were thinking about Taehyung.

You wondered what he was up to. He had left so abruptly, without giving you any clear answers about where he was headed. He had always been mysterious. It was one of the many things you loved about him.

You had been born and raised in the country, you were used to the quiet life in a small cottage with your parents and older sister. You knew everyone in your town, you had your way of life and you were content. And then Taehyung had arrived.

He had appeared out of nowhere at school one morning, introduced as the new kid in class. Everyone had made fun of him behind his back. He was different- he had shaggy hair, wearing bright red pants and an oversized dress shirt, so the teasing wasn’t unexpected. But he had owned it, staring ahead nonchalantly and ignoring the whispers. Everyone had been intimidated by him.

But you had fallen in love with him immediately.

It just so turned out that the people who had bought the farm next door to your house happened to be his grandparents. As fate would have it, Kim Taehyung was your neighbor.

Every morning, the two of you would walk to school, a few steps apart, not talking. Until one morning, you heard footsteps jogging up beside you, and then he was there, his hands in his pockets. He flashed a smile at you, a brilliant smile and you felt like you were going to melt. “Hey,” He had said simply.

You had loved him, really loved him. Even when your parents had told you it was just puppy love, even when your childhood best friend Emily had told you in a matter of fact voice that first loves never lasted. You knew deep inside of you, you knew in your bones, that you truly loved Taehyung. You had never met someone before who could read you like he could, who had dreams for you and saw you as capable of achieving anything and everything. You loved him. And you knew he loved you too.

Which was why the morning he had told you he was leaving had come as such a shock.

You were convinced you would never forget that feeling. You had snuck into his bedroom the night before, and woken up, rolling over and expecting to see him beside you, his eyes closed, his long lashes fluttering a little as he snored softly. But you had woken up to nothing. You’d heard nothing. Instead, he was packing his bags, telling you he was leaving. That he was sorry for the short notice. And then he was kissing you, and telling you that he’d make it work, that long distance could work. Of course, it didn’t.

You frowned a little at the memory now. Sophia caught your frown and nudged you playfully.

“What’s with you? Are you nervous about the party?” She asked, pouting a little. You sighed a little.

“A little,” You confessed, not about to tell her that you were thinking about Taehyung. You were done talking about him tonight, there was no point dwelling on past memories anyway.

“Don’t worry. You’re coming with me, so that’s a massive bonus. It’s going to be such a good one.”

You smiled weakly at her. You hadn’t even been thinking about the party, now that you were, you felt a pang of nerves. You hadn’t been in the city for long, and you were still adjusting to everything- how different the people were, how fast paced everything was. Back at home, everyone knew your name and the wildest a Friday night got was a Friday that involved a bonfire and a bottle of Jack Daniels smuggled out of someone’s parents liquor cabinet.

You walked up to the house front now, there were people hanging around outside smoking cigarettes and chatting, they all looked you up and down as you walked in. Sophia was confident, strutting straight past them. You felt like a sore thumb sticking out amongst all these cool city people, and kept your head down. Even though it was such a big university, in such a big city, everyone still seemed to know each other, seemed to know exactly what to say and how to act. Everyone except you.

You’ll be fine, you tried to reassure yourself, feeling your skin prickle from everyone’s stares. You’ll be fine.

You weren’t fine. You were standing off to the side by the kitchen, feeling awkward and out of place. Sophia had been good at the beginning, introducing you to a few different people, grabbing you a beer and whispering to you about who she did and didn’t like. That was until a guy walked up to her, he looked like a model- tall, with a chiseled jaw, big eyes and full lips. You could tell by the way Sophia stiffened and started playing with her hair that he was her ex boyfriend, Jin.

He’d asked her if they could talk, she had agreed and that had been thirty minutes ago. Which left you standing here, feeling awkward and out of place.

The party was in full swing now- everyone was a bit drunk, you were definitely tipsy thanks to the wine from earlier and now this beer. You didn’t even like beer, but you sipped at it anyway just so you could have something to do.

Sighing a little, you glanced around the party. This was definitely not your scene. Everyone was off in groups or pairs, talking, laughing… and you were standing to the side by yourself.

You looked around for Sophia one last time, before grabbing your bag. This definitely wasn’t your scene, and it was time to go home. Fuck this party, you hadn’t been in the mood for a party since your little trip down memory lane. Bed, hot chocolate and Netflix was sounding better and better by the minute.

You got up and weaved your way through the party, looking for the front door. There were people everywhere, out of nowhere the party had suddenly become busy, really busy. Sophia hadn’t been lying- this was a good party, like something out of a movie.

A loud laugh interrupted your thoughts, you glanced over at a group of guys and girls sitting around in the living room, lounging around like they owned the place, confident smiles on their faces as they laughed and chattered. They were definitely the cool group, you could tell that from a mile away. All the girls were gorgeous, perfect makeup and perfect outfits, and all the guys looked like supermodels. Seeing them talk and laugh made your heart pang a little, missing home, missing all your friends. You felt even more out of place, and you were about to turn away when one of the guys laughed particularly loudly.

It was a laugh that was familiar. Too familiar. Your heart skipped. You looked over to see who it was that was laughing, and your heart stopped beating momentarily.

You blinked, closing your eyes. You’re going crazy. It can’t be. But when you opened your eyes again, he was still there. It was really him.

Taehyung.

He looked as good as ever- no, better. He was taller than you remembered, his face slimmer, his body leaner. He was so handsome now, he looked more mature than your faded memory recalled, his features sharp, his jaw defined, his eyes piercing. But you also recognized so much in him that you had forgotten in the last few years- the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the way he stood hunched over, even the way he shuffled from one foot to another. It was definitely him.

You stood frozen, unsure of what to do. A million questions raced in your mind, why was he here, where had he been the last five years, so much more, but you didn’t know where to begin or what to do. You were in the midst of panicking when he looked up, his eyes alert. As always, he was psychic or something when it came to you, and as if he was reading your mind, glanced up and locked eyes with you.

Shock and surprise poured through his face, his jaw dropped a little. You stood there frozen, unsure of how to react.

Seconds seemed to stretch out for hours until Taehyung stood up and walked towards you. Your mind was still racing, you had no idea how to react, to smile, to glare, a million and one questions were in your mind but you couldn’t pick up on any of them, instead, all you could do was stand and stare.

He was walking closer when you decided to be cold, you hadn’t heard from him in three years. He didn’t deserve your time or your effort.

“Y/N,” Taehyung breathed, before his face broke into a big smile.

Fuck. Your resolve went out the window. You weakened a little at the smile, you couldn’t help but smile back. Taehyung’s smile hadn’t changed, his whole face lit up when he smiled, and it was like sunshine, warm and comfortable and easy. You basked in his smile now, like you always had.

“Tae,” You mumbled back, he hesitated a little before he leaned in and hugged you. You felt your head spin being so close to him, he felt so unfamiliar- he was more muscular, he had always been so gangly and soft when you had known him, he was toned to the touch now.

You surveyed him as he pulled away from the hug, he was dressed stylishly, in skinny jeans and a black tee, it was then that you noticed his hair was done up carefully and he had contact lens in. He looked incredible, like something out of a movie, but he didn’t look like the Taehyung you remembered, messy hair in a big sweater laughing his head off. A beat ran between the two of you as you just stared at each other.

“Fuck, it’s been ages… what are you doing here?” He asked finally, laughing a little to ease the awkwardness and smiling warmly at you.

“Um,” you began, feeling a little faint. How had this happened? “I transferred here, this is my first week…”

Taehyung just smiled at you. “I’m glad to hear it. You were always too good for that tiny town anyway.”

You were about to tell him that you actually missed home, ask him where he had gone that morning, where he had been, what he was doing here, but all the questions you had just bubbled up and left you staring at him.

“It’s good to see you,” You said instead, honestly. You weren’t sure what seeing Taehyung here meant exactly, but it had to mean something. He was staring at you now, his eyes suddenly serious.

“Y/N…” Taehyung began, his voice lowering slightly, but he was cut off by a loud voice.

“What the fuck is keeping you V?” It was one of the guys in that group, he was leaning over the couch and watching the two of you, his eyebrows raised. You frowned a little. V?

Taehyung glanced over at him. “Alright, alright,” He just called back, before turning back to you.

“Come with?” He asked, giving you a tiny smile. “We haven’t even talked properly yet.” He reached out, brushing his fingertips along yours, and you just nodded. He turned and walked back towards his group, you followed behind, suddenly aware of all of them, staring at you.

“Come on man, you’re missing out, we’re about to – hey, who are you?” His guy friend stared at you, assessing you with terse lips.

“Hey Minho, lay off it,” Taehyung muttered. His friend, Minho apparently, ignored him and just raised an eyebrow at you.

“I’m Y/N,” You mumbled, he just nodded slowly.

“Look babe, I don’t mean to be a dickhead, but we’re kind of hanging out just our group tonight… do you mind going back to your own friends? You can talk to V another time.” He gave you a quick smile, your eyes widened a little. Okay, he was a dickhead. You glanced at Taehyung, but he was just looking at the ground, avoiding your gaze.

Right.

You just smiled tersely at Minho. “Sure,” You muttered, and without saying another word to Taehyung or to any of the others, who were all staring at you, you got up and walked away from their little group.

“You can thank me later,” You heard Minho say as you walked away. You half expected Taehyung to jump to your defence somewhat, but you just heard him sigh. “You’re an asshole,” You heard Taehyung sigh back, but that was it.

You stormed away, annoyed when you felt tears prick at your eyes. You didn’t want to cry over him, but you felt the burn of embarrassment and disappointment at the back of your throat. You had imagined a scenario where you and Taehyung reunited hundreds of times, and never had you imagined it like this. The Taehyung you remembered was always so strong in himself, so confident with who he was and with the fact that he was a bit offbeat and a bit different, it startled you to see him like this.

“Y/N,” A hand reached out to you, it was Sophia. You blinked at her, surprised. “Why were you talking to those guys? Ugh, that whole group, they think they’re God’s gift and too cool to associate with anyone below them, they’re so… hey, are you alright?” She glanced at you worriedly you just laughed bitterly.

“Apart from the fact that I just ran into my ex boyfriend for the first time in three years, yeah, I’m just great.”

“What? Taehyung?” She repeated, her brow crinkling in confusion.

“Apparently he goes by V now,” You just replied shortly. Sophia’s eyes widened.

“Wait… V’s your ex? As in the one from your hometown?”

You just nodded.

“Fuck, you’re kidding.”

You just shook you head before sighing. “I don’t want to talk about it… where did you go? What happened with Jin?”

Sophia sighed. “Just all this talk about getting back together… I told him I’d think about it. He fucking broke my heart, you know? I’m not gonna just forgive him like that just because he asks for me back. Anyway, that’s not important. What do you want to do? We can stay… or we have an early night if you want.”

She gave you a little smile, you returned it, grateful to have someone here to talk to.

You looked past her shoulder and saw Taehyung and all his friends talking, Taehyung was distracted, looking around the room. Maybe for you. You refocused your attention back to Sophia.

“Let’s get really drunk.” You said instead, and Sophia’s face split into a big grin.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

After matching Sophia shot for shot, you were definitely feeling drunk and much better. Even though you’d tried not to, you couldn’t help glancing around to see if Taehyung was around, but he was nowhere to be found. “I think they all left,” Sophia said to you after about the sixth time you had tried to discreetly look around the party. “Too cool to stay,” She rolled her eyes at that and you just nodded, trying to hide your disappointment.

You were with her now, on the same couches that Taehyung had been on earlier. Jin was by her side, sitting carefully beside her, they were having some kind of serious, quiet conversation. She was nowhere near as drunk as you, you were sitting on the opposite couch with some of Jin’s friends, your head swimming. They were really nice, Yoongi and Hoseok, you recalled their names in your head. They were making an effort to include you in their conversation but you had no idea what they were talking about and you were so drunk that you didn’t even bother pretending that you knew what was going on.

You were so drunk, and it was not good. You were thinking about Taehyung and the fact that he for the second time had left you in the cold without any answers when you heard his voice.

“Y/N?” You blinked blearily, looking up. It was him alright. You frowned.

“Every time I think about you today, you appear out of nowhere… have I got magic powers?” You slurred, glaring at him. He just stared down at you.

“What are you doing here?” You demanded.

“I came back to find you… can we talk?” He said. You were aware that Sophia and Jin had stopped talking and were staring at you. You glared at Taehyung, suddenly feeling a surge of inebriated confidence.

“Fine,” You said, standing up and wobbling on your feet. You followed him outside of the party in silence.

When you were outside, he turned to face you. You just stared back challengingly.

“What do you want to talk about?” You said instead, loudly. “You’ve changed, Taehyung… or should I say, V.” It was difficult to get the words out, but you managed, accentuating them with a glare.

“Y/N, I’m sorry about earlier,” He just said quietly.

You frowned at him, opening you mouth. “I… I…” You were planning on telling him that he couldn’t just waltz up to you and decide he wanted to talk when it suited him, that he clearly had no respect for you or himself if he was going to follow the leader like some kind of sheep… when you felt in your stomach. Uh oh. “I don’t feel good,” you said instead.

“Y/N?” Taehyung said worriedly, stepping closer. You were about to tell him to stay away, but you couldn’t get the words out in time.

You threw up all over his shoes.

He jumped back, you slumped back a little, he reached forward and grabbed your arm, holding you upright. Your head was pounding so hard that it was all you could focus on. You knew you should probably be embarrassed, but all you felt was that you wanted to sleep.

“Let’s get you home,” Taehyung said gently.

You woke up slowly, your head throbbing. You were back in your room, and you sat upright for a moment, disoriented, when it all came rushing back.

Taehyung. Party. Shoes.

“Oh God,” You mumbled, putting your head in your hands, cringing.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Your head snapped up, Taehyung was standing there, a glass of water in his hands.

“Here,” He said, walking towards you and passing it over. “What time is it?” You groaned, accepting the glass of water, drinking slowly and feeling your face burn in humiliation. He didn’t notice, he just gazed at you with concern before sitting on the bed by you.

“4am,” He said calmly. “You were asleep for a few hours.” You nodded, recalling faintly Taehyung taking your stumbling body home and tucking you into bed.

“Are you okay?” He asked, you just finished your water and put the glass down on your bedside table.

“If by okay you mean I want the earth to swallow me whole right now, then yes,” You said in a tiny voice. “I’m sorry about your shoes.”

He just laughed, smiling at you. “It’s okay, I didn’t really like them anyway. Plus, it’s not the first time that’s happened.”

He gave you a small smile. When you were both eighteen, you had snuck a bottle of gin onto the rooftop and proceeded to get drunk. Well, it was mainly you. The night had consisted of you throwing up and Taehyung rubbing your back, worried that you would wake up your parents.

You laughed a little at the memory, you looked over at Taehyung, who had a smile on his face, his eyes crinkled a little. They softened as they looked at you.

“…I’m sorry about earlier, at the party.” He said quietly, your smile sobered as you looked at him.

“What was that all about, Tae?” You asked, leaning your head back on the pillow to look at him. “You’re V now, apparently?”

Taehyung just shrugged, sighing and running a hand through his hair.

“Minho’s a jerk, but the rest of them are good people, seriously.”

You just gave him a dry look, and he shrugged. “Hey, a lot has changed since I was 18,” He laughed, you just nodded. “I know.”

You stared at him, wanting to ask him where he had been the last few years, what had happened to him, but the words didn’t come out. Instead, he opened his mouth.

“It’s really good to see you again, Y/N.” He said. He was staring at you with so much intensity, that you almost felt like you had to look away. You just nodded, returning his stare.

“You too.”

He sighed, looking down at the floor and shaking his head.

“No,” He said, his voice louder. He looked up, meeting your eyes. “You don’t get it. I… seeing you again…” His voice was slightly tinged with desperation, you glanced up at him, a question on your lips, but you were caught off-guard by how intently he was staring at you.

He leaned in, his face inches from yours. Your breath caught in your throat, you were lost in his gaze, as magnetic as ever. He just stared at you, his eyes questioning. You answered by pressing your lips to his.

They felt as soft as you remembered, he responded to your kiss eagerly, slipping his arms round your waist. He started off by kissing you slowly, but it quickly escalated, he deepened the kiss and you sighed into it. His lips felt familiar but different, and your head was swimming, you were kissing Taehyung again. His hands snaked around your waist, he moaned softly into your kiss.

“Y/N,” He breathed, you responded by just kissing him harder.

And then, just as quickly as it started, it stopped. Taehyung broke off the kiss, pulling away from you, his eyes conflicted. The sudden separation left you wanting more, wanting more of him.

“Tae…?” You questioned breathlessly.

“I’m not a good guy. I don’t want to hurt you again,” He just said quietly, running his hand through his hair. Your jaw opened a little, confused.

“So don’t,” You just said quickly, feeling your heart beat louder, wanting him to come back, be next to you.

He just leaned forward again, pressing a long, soft, sweet kiss to your lips. He pulled away slowly, reaching up to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” He said softly. “We should talk. Properly.”

You just nodded numbly, you knew logically he was right, but your body was screaming for him. All you wanted to do was crash your lips back onto his, feel his hands all over your body. But just as badly as you wanted to touch him, you wanted answers. You wanted him to reassure you that he had left for a reason, that the same Taehyung was in there. That he had a valid reason for walking away.

He stood up now, his face unreadable. “Get some rest,” He said softly, and the entire scene made your heart ache. It reminded you of all the nights he had snuck into your bedroom when you were younger, kissing you one last time before slipping out of the window.

He turned and walked out of your room, you stayed still as you heard the front door close. You sat there, frozen, unsure of exactly what had happened, unsure of this entire night.

Just like that, Kim Taehyung walked away from you for the third time, leaving you yet again with no real answers, just clinging onto the hope that he would return.

AN: I promise part 2 will be way better/have a killer smut scene. Originally part 1 and part 2 were supported to be combined but it was just way too long that way. Let me know your thoughts on this fic, I’m conflicted

#bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #bts smut #taehyung smut #rapmonluv

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davidrsmithlove · 5 years

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11 Proven Tips on How to Use Reddit for Your eCommerce Business

Before getting to the meat, let us just make a quick recap.

Reddit 101

In essence, it’s a mega discussion board. As many as 330 million unique users spend their time on this 5th largest US website (and 18th larges when talking worldwide).

Reddit is divided into tens of thousands of so-called “subreddits” which is a local term for a specific topic thread. Moreover, all users who rpartake in the discussion can personally receive either an appraisal or disapproval from peer Reddit patrons via score system called “karma.”

Karma is gained and lost when people upvote or downvote your posts, comments and when you engage in other onsite activity (like reposting). It could’ve remained a simple medal system if sometimes it wasn’t required to get into some subreddits (a sort of an entry barrier). Certain types of activity like making your posts with pictures or leaving comments in those subreddits also might have various krama requirements. Naturally, low karma of user’s post may be hidden from other users, which is the main defense mechanism against bots, local spammers and general bad-manner users.

Although using anonymous aliases on Reddit is a common thing (and is expected), these accounts each have a traceable history of posts and replies in addition to gained “karma.” Thus it is super-easy for any reader to assess the general usefulness, sincerity, and attitude of the writer for a preliminary decision of whether to trust what he/she posts. The importance of this transparency for e-commerce marketing on Reddit will be discussed a bit further.

Upon a glimpse of a Reddit from the marketing perspective, two things should immediately come to one’s attention.

One is that this website is in English and US users account for over 50%. Which kind of limits the use of this website for e-commerce of goods that either

Can be delivered online or

Can be physically brought to the US soil at a reasonable price (and with easy logistics for the buyer)

Two is that Reddit is above all else a place where people come the exchange thoughts and ideas on mutual subjects of interest. Not to scroll the fancy pictures like in Instagram or get up to date with the news like in Facebook. Reddit boasts a higher than most websites readers to active commenters ratio (these readers are also called “lurkers”). This is important because not everything an e-commerce website has to offer is in fact worthy of being put to public discussion. The goods that are too specialized (e.g. some industrial tunneling equipment) will thus require copious amount of “knowledge seeding” and attracting rare individuals who are familiar with the subject before anything can be offered for sale. And the goods/ services that are too easy to come buy (like an Alibaba dropshipper) will need some god-like marketing skills for hype generation and building up of anxiety before trying to offer something (without risking your karma). But let us assume that your product (or service) meets the above criteria and you are good to go for the Redditors!

The need for naturally growing one’s credibility in the eyes of Reddit patrons can sometimes be too much for a regular business owner or a marketing manager, even if he/ she did well with other means of social marketing like Instagram. This is why there are a few essay writing service who are experienced at keeping close contact with the Reddit public. These people know how to keep Redditors entertained and sell stuff to them at the same time. But if you feel you are up to the challenge of winning hearts and minds on your own, proceed to the tips’ list below!

Obvious marketing

1. Sponsored posts

Just like it says on the box: Reddit allows you to engage in paid marketing. Reddit payment system Your ad copy can either be “text ad” or “link ad.” Whichever you pick, it will get displayed for a respective target audience and marked as sponsored.

People who’ve dealt with Facebook or Google paid ads before will find the interface quite familiar. The following settings are available to pin-point you desired audience:

Target users by their interests (keywords and negative keywords)

Choose specific subreddit they subscribe to

Location

Day and time

Device type (mobile or desktop)

All ads are displayed on an auction-based system (you need to set up daily bid starting from $5/day) and CPM (1000 impressions) is the only type of payment available on this platform.

This kind of marketing is treated by Reddit communities pretty much like any other online ads which try to look like regular messages: if your ad copy conveys clear message and is highly relevant to the selected audience you will get some interest. The difference lies in karma score of the account who posts the ads, as accounts with more karma are usually treated by patrons as certainly more worthy of attention.

2. Banner Ads

You will find no self-service banner ads option on Reddit. Don’t bother looking for one. The only viable way to get your banners to be shown on Reddit is direct negotiations with the portal. Which is typically honored from a large and well-established business. So unless it say “Google” on your office, you’d best move to ninja marketing section.

Here Comes The Meat! Ninja Marketing On Reddit

3. Reddit hates spammers and promoters

Simply jumping into a subreddit topic closest to what you want to sell and offer your product or service there is a “highway to hell” with Reddit audience. Believe it or not – you are likely not to be the first person to try and push your goods forward here. And must Reddit patrons are smart enough to see that intention. In addition, unlike Instagram of YouTube Reddit offers them an instrument to quickly downvote your annoying advertising to the point of utter demise.

To be effective with your business on Reddit you should first understand the culture of this community and how to get your point (non-commercial and commercial) through in a most effective manner. There are different posts as well, and you should be prepared nor only for discussion, but for writing a long story to share your experience. You may are thinking right now, that I need someone to write my essay for posting on Reddit, and surely that can be a solution for creating a large number of long read comments. Above all else, you will have to truly and honestly commit yourself to some time of building up your Reddit account image and growing your karma before effectively offering people anything. So think ninja.

4. Where does your audience reside? Do your homework.

To engage efficiently in the ninja advertising on Reddit, you will need first to do some preliminary research. Find out what subreddits (topic threads) address the issues that are in your (and your product’s) subject field. Are you in car repairs? Search car maintenance audience. Are you a massage therapist? Dig into sports or back pain discussions.

See how many people are partaking and what kind of info is most praised by local subreddit audience.

5. Be proactive and build up your karma and professional image

Once you’re done with the research and successfully found your potential customers, you should start working on the rename of your account. Do actively engage in discussion. Answer questions and comment where appropriate. Be polite and be helpful. Bring value to the table. Over time (and sometimes with sufficient karma gain) your contributions will get noted, and your advice on the subject X will start to be recognised as an expert by the community.

Only after this you should attempt to openly offer of a product or service and expect in to be met with enthusiasm and eager by Reddit patrons.

Why bother that much at all you might as at this point? Well, there is a good reason. Reddit is in fact great fo e-commerce shops as it allows you to address very specific needs of customers who you just can’t target effectively by any other means. And should you meet their expectations both with a word of advise and a quality product you are likely to get more devoted and trusting long-term customers than anywhere else on the Internet. This holds true to both paid and ninja advertising: the more renown you are amongst Reddi public the more trustworthy your ads will be, regardless if you pay Reddit for it ot not.

6. Ask questions and study your customers

Now, this is the real meat. As Reddit tends to attract a more proactive audience in general (more so than the Facebook or Instagram) you will find some strong and well-grounded opinions here on a wide area of subjects. If so – why now use this feature and ask the people very specific and important questions:

What do they think of your product?

How do they like the new design?

Can we improve it somehow?

What about marketing?

Was our customer service helpful?

Being open and actively engaging your customers in such Q&A activities might help you with some surprisingly deep understanding as to how to make/ sell your goods better. Good advice would be to remain initiative and open a classical AMA (Ask Me Anything) session with your potential customers. Also, remember that whenever a person makes a buying decision, he or she is far more likely to address the salesman they know in person (even in it’s on the account name) than a totally strange shop offering of the same stuff. So treat this not only as research but as an extra marketing effort which may yield grade results by itself.

7. Exclusive discounts and offers

When you do decide it’s time to engage your fellow Reddit audience with some selling materials – you may take it a step further. Offer the unique discount right there in the thread. Alternatively, run a lottery for the first five buyers to get some valuable little extra from you. Redditors, after all, are a somewhat unique gang. So why not reward them with a little extra for their trust in you and your product?

8. Keep sticky contact with your customers

Another diamond opportunity Reddit offer to an e-commerce business is that it’s a much more two-way marketing channel than your usual social media with ads due to the nature of the community. It makes a perfect ground for troubleshooting and Q&A sessions with your customers. By no means, you should use it as the only customer service contact point, but rather as a place where you and your customers can get more intimate discussion and create that extra goodwill.

How should you go about it? Make sure you are there when somebody has purchased your good or service. Be bold and ask them if they found their purchase and usage experience satisfying? Did they like it? Did they encounter any trouble when buying or using it? Whom would they recommend it to? Etc.

Do so and not only you will gain respect (and more karma) from fellow Reddit users and those who will find this thread in future.

9. Go for the fans and enthusiasts

While not an all-around advice, if you are into merchandising or a subculture tailored product – go for the fans. This range greatly from Star Trek fans to young mothers. From Linux users to vegans. And many are found on Reddit.

These people would certainly sniff out a bold promoter from a mile (and demise their karma respectively). But if you do give yourself labour to study their subreddits, their culture and values, if you take a genuine interest in the community and to partake in talks and making valuable content… You will surely get praised for offering and selling them something relevant to their passion later on.

10. Keep an eye for market trends

This idea is somewhat similar to point 4, but the results can be used regardless of whether you are about to start ninja marketing on Reddit or not.

All you need is to define the existing subreddits which get visited by your potential customers and scrutiny them carefully. Moreover, if there is not one – than that is also an indication for you.

This tip arguably requires the least effort on your behalf: just gain enough karma to enter the subreddit in question (if it has a karma entry barrier at all) and that’s it. Once you do get inside and you see a living and vivid community – start gathering intelligence for your e-commerce business. Read on what’s hot right now. What are Redditors talking about the most (apart from kittens or sex that is; nothing beats kittens on Reddit). Learn of your potential customers’ pain and how they go about it. Assess your rival by how often they get mentioned and what the patrons find good and bad about them.

While not selling or promoting your product directly, you may still gather a great deal of info about your market niche and make sure that your respective product is up to the mark.

11. Talk with other small-business owners

Would you sell your product to the people whom you find in small business owners subreddits? Probably not. So why is this a tip #11? Well, it because this is how you can get some seriously deep and free advice on things that bother you as a business owner:

How to sell more?

How to keep positive contact with your customers?

How to keep the work-life balance in December?

etc.

Reddit is there to help people get in touch, discuss and solve their problems. And rest assured that there were others before you at some point in their business careers who faced and successfully surpassed what you are facing now. Have the courage to step forward and ask their advice or help. And again you may well be surprised by the hidden power of Reddit. And its fellow patron Redditors.

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