i'm so uncomfortable with myself and my life right now i feel so ugly i cant even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry
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i think so much about livvy and the invisible child from m.oomins,, livvy is good at not being noticed and seen for similar reasons. her invisibility is something she's cultivated herself, but not entirely of her own choice. it's not that she doesn't want people to look at her, to see her, but she is so afraid of what will happen if they do. but eventually, one day, someone will give her a reason to not be afraid, they will see her in her entirety, and she will be better for it.
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do you ever think about how in the day i picked up dazai side b dazai had to lie emotionless and soulless—like a corpse, almost—beside the man that gently brought him in, nursed his injuries, held him while he was in pain? he had to keep those suffocating bandages around his entire face, lest this man gain some sort of recognition for the little boy he saved. he had to lay there curled in the fetal position, bleeding and in pain, perhaps thinking about how, in another life, this man cooked for him, tried to build up his strength. read to him to pass the time while he curled up against him like a child listening to a bedtime story. played cards with him. saw through the heartless mafioso. the ruthless killer. and instead saw a boy.
imagine knowing this man, the man who saved you in more ways than one, was going to die one day all because he knew you. because he reached his hand into the darkness and plaintively, like a small child wanting a parent's touch, you grasped back desperately. imagine thinking all of that while that man is just a stone's throw away, making coffee in the next room just like he used to for you in another life. the scent, although you've never been here before, is reminiscent of home. and the tune he's humming? it's the silent melody that plays through your mind seven years later, for the last time as you fall backward off the building with your arms out like an embrace. but, hey. that man is alive. he's happy, although he never knew you. you can die with no regrets.
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The way it sounds like he says I’m free before he starts sobbing gets me every time
Digital commissions:
Sketch ✍️ | Painting 🎨
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I am playing through Undertale Yellow and getting slapped in the face by so much nostalgia I wanna cry. It feels like I'm playing Undertale for the first time again....
Anyway... have some art.
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