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starsval · 1 year

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6 favours with James Potter

James Potter x f!reader

Summary: James enters your life by asking you weird favours.

Word count: 2,1k

Warnings: kissing, mentions of punching and broken noses, anxiety attacks, crying.

A/N: based on Do Me a Favour by Arctic Monkeys, even though these aren't the vibes of the song.

Pd: I had to make that Taylor reference, I couldn't help it.

Favour 1

"And do me a favor and break my nose" That's one of the first things James said to you while showing interest. You have talked a few times in class, but not enough for him to ask you that.

"What?" You ask him, unbothered, sitting under a tree, facing the lake.

"The other day at the party, you broke his nose"

Oh, yes, you did. Some guy in one of your friend's classes was bothering her a lot, and he'd been doing it for a while. So you took advantage of the situation, and punched him, just to blame it on the alcohol after.

After that beautiful flashback, you look back at your homework.

"I don't know what you're talking about" You tell him.

"Punch me so I can get over you" He suddenly says.

"Over me? What-" You are even more confused with this than with your homework.

"I can't stop thinking about you since I saw you at the party, and it's not like we're strangers, so just do it"

"James- I'm not gonna punch you" You start to pack your things as you see your friend walking to you. "I have to go, bye" Then you start to walk away, but not enough to not hear him shout:

"You know my name!"

You look back at him for a moment, doubting that this is all a prank.

“What was that?” Your friend asks you as you start to walk to the castle.

“It doesn’t matter” You sigh.

Favour 2

This time you were in divination class, waiting for your friend to sit next to you.

"Lately I've been feeling like" You start talking as soon as someone sits next to you, thinking it's your friend. But as you look up you see James.

"What? Where's-" He cuts you off by pointing at your friend, who's now sitting next to Sirius, clearly flirting.

"Do me a favor and tell me to go away" He finally says.

"What?" You ask, focused on your homework again.

"Yes, I was thinking, and I'm not sure that I would lose my feelings for you if you punched me” He smiles, like he’s imagining it. “Because, well, you get it. So this is the safest way”

"I don't-" You get interrupted again, this time by the teacher, who just approached you two..

"James, could you tell us what you see in the crystal ball?" He focuses for a moment, like he's really trying to see something.

"I see me in a really happy relationship with Y/n" He whispers the last part, so only the teacher could hear it.

"You know what? I know I sensed something between you two" She mutters before walking away, to bother another pair of students. James immediately looks at you with a big smile, to which you roll your eyes, but smile anyway.

"It's in the stars" He points to the ceiling "We're going to be together"

"Sure" You are still looking at your homework, but you can see how he smiles even more.

"How have you been feeling lately?"

"What?"

"You were going to say that to your friend"

"Didn't you want me to tell you to go away"

"Yes but you didn't, so I'm assuming I have possibilities. So, I want to get to know you"

You sigh, knowing that you can't escape from him, so you just tell him about your favorite food, song, color, flavor and season. You learn that he loves red, eucalyptus and spring, because it's better to play quidditch.

Before you can answer another of his weird questions, it's time to go to your next class, without him. So you pack your things and get up. You walk away after saying.

"I never said you didn't have possibilities"

Since then James started walking you to class, and you even went to see him practice once. Only to deny it after. But you've been talking to him more and more.

Favour 3

It was all too much, the tests, your family, your friend who you doubted was your friend anymore. It was all too much, all bottled up, until you get a letter from your family. Asking of course about your grades, not about you, or your life, about your grades, no before talking about their lives.

So you walk out the Great Hall, before everyone sees you cry. You don't even bother in telling your friend, she was too focused on some boy to notice you practically running out the room.

As soon as you're in the hallway, you feel the tears running down your face, while you walk to some random balcony, to get some air.

"What happened?" You hear James ask. He noticed you as soon as you got up the chair, and he noticed something was wrong.

"Nothing" You answer, even though tears keep falling from your eyes. Then he sits next to you, contemplating the quidditch pitch in front of you.

"It was your friend, wasn't it? You guys are almost all the time together"

"No, I'm fine" No, you weren't.

"You know it's okay to cry, right? And to tell people if they're bothering you"

This time you're the one who asks the favor.

"James, do me a favor and stop asking questions" You tell him, finally drying your face with your hands.

"Oh, okay" He tries to get up, but you stop him, by holding his hand.

"You can stay, just, talk about something else"

And he does, you stay there talking about the next prank he's doing, still holding his hand.

Favour 4

Breathe

You repeat yourself as you walk around an abandoned classroom. You were having an anxiety attack in the middle of the class, and you didn't want anyone to see you right now. So you just asked to go to the bathroom and here you were. Getting dizzy from walking around a table.

You keep trying to dry your face, even though tears keep coming out your eyes, when someone knocks on the door.

"Are you okay?" It's James, he's on the other side of the door, worrying about you.

"Yes" You tell him after getting close to it, so he could hear you.

"Do me a favor, and ask if you need some help" He says.

"I don't need help, I just need five minutes" You talk, still reminding yourself to breathe.

"Can I be with you during those five minutes?" You think about it, and when he's about to leave, you open the door with your wand, sitting on a table, looking at the window.

"Yes" You quietly say, drying your face as he sits next to you.

“I’ve seen the way she acts” He talks after a while, when you already stopped crying “Your friend, I mean. And I know I don’t have anything to do with your friendships, but as your future boyfriend, I can tell you that you deserve better” You look at him.

“My future boyfriend?” You smile, and look back at the window. “And I know, but she’s my only friend, she was the only stability I had in my life” You sigh “But not anymore I guess”

“I’ll help you make new friends, I think you would really like Remus” Then he thinks about it “Maybe not him, let's start with Sirius”

You raise an eyebrow at him “Why?”

“No reason”

“Are you afraid I might like Remus more than I like you?"

“What? No, it’s not that, how could you not like me? Have you seen me?-” Then he realizes what you said “You like me?” He smiles. But before you can answer, the bell rings, informing you that the class is over, therefore, lunch just started.

“Bye” You walk to the door, not looking back to an amazed James, who looks at you until the door closes.

Favour 5

“She likes me! She told me she likes me!” James was telling his friends when he saw you walking in the Great Hall and sitting alone. He was going to sit next to you but he saw your friend walking towards you.

He couldn’t hear what you guys were talking about, but he saw you being confident and your friend frowning, so he assumed you followed his advice. After a meal where James was only focused on you and fully ignoring his friends, he could finally walk to you as you reached the door.

“You like me” He says as he follows you to the garden, it was Saturday so you were going to do homework under the usual tree.

“Hi to you too” You answer, sitting and taking the things out of your backpack.

“Hi, you like me, right?” This time you ignore him, knowing that he wouldn’t shut up about that if you said anything wrong. “Okay, so I can’t ask that…” He thinks out loud. “Are you going to go to the Gryffindor party tonight?” He asks, smiling

“I don’t think so” You answer, focused on your homework.

“What? Why not?” He frowns.

“If you want me to go, then ask me” You look up at him, causing him to smile.

“Will you go to the Gryffindor party tonight with me?”

“Yes” You focus again on the homework on your lap, and then you notice that he’s too quiet, so you look at him, just to see him smile like he just won a contest. “What?”

“I like you, and I know that you like me, because you said it, and because, who wouldn’t like me? Have you seen me? Everything is just so perfect…” Then he lays down next to you, watching the tree leafs move.

“Do me a favor, and stop flattering yourself” You tell him, avoiding his gaze when he looks up so he doesn’t think that you were staring at him(you were).

“Then I’ll flatter you”

“I need to finish this”

“I’ll flatter you in my head” You roll your eyes and he smiles, looking at you, until he realizes something “You won’t break anyone's nose tonight will you?”

“Shut up” You tell him, smiling.

Favour 6

“I told you you’d have a good time” James asks as he follows through the hall.

“You didn’t tell me that, but I had a good time”

“You know what wasn’t good? That I got in detention and couldn’t talk to you in a week”

“You talked to me through letters” You tell him, sitting in a random window, waiting for him to sit in front of you.

“You know what they say, the best way to get to someone’s heart is by letters”

“No one has ever said that” You tell him, smiling.

“I do” You roll your eyes, looking through the window. “Can I ask you one last favour?” That makes you look back at him.

“Sure”

“Do me a favour and be my girlfriend” He smiles, pretty confident in himself.

“Okay” You smile too, getting closer to him. “Then do me a favour and kiss me”

And he does, he kisses you until you can’t breathe, until all you feel are his hands on your waist, his lips on yours. He kisses you until you forget everything, until all you can wish is to stay here forever. He kisses you like he’s been waiting all his life for this moment, like his lips can’t stop, and you don’t want them to. You put your hands in his neck as he moves you closer to him, so you have no choice but to stay here and kiss him even more.

He kisses you until you both hear someone clearing their throat.

You both look back at that person, hardly breathing, and you see Remus looking back at you.

“Hi Rem, this is my girlfriend” He smiles and looks back at you “I think it’s already safe for you to met him”

ᰔᩚෆ❧ღდლ❦ও❥ଓ

“You said no more favours!” You tell James.

“I know, but that would make me the happiest person alive”

“I thought that being my boyfriend made you the happiest person alive” You raise an eyebrow at him, who smiles at you.

“And it does! But I’d really love that”

“James, I’m not gonna punch Snape just because he looked at me”

“He was mean to you!”

“He didn't’ even talk!"

“But you could see him thinking mean things” You look at him, genuinely concerned, and sigh, laying in your bed.

“Let’s just sleep” You open your arms so he could cuddle you, and he does, smiling all the time.

“We’ll continue talking tomorrow?”

“James…”

“Okay, and you actually make me the happiest person alive” You smile, hugging him tightly.

#james potter x y/n #james potter x reader #young james potter #young remus lupin #kissing #fluff fluff fluff #arctic monkeys song #the marauders #the marauders era #james potter

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myoddessy · 1 year

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🎀 Harry Lewis and gf where people think they broke up bc he doesn’t post much of her anymore but she’s actually pregnant and they make a surprise announcement..? 💜

yourusername just posted !

liked by taliamar, eugeneleeyang, emilyuribee, and 2,137,891 others

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wroe2ynstan HELLO??????

faithlouisak one of us! one of us! one of us!

faithlouisak so beautiful

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faithlouisak so glad I get to start a family with you

faithlouisak you're the love of my life

wroetoshaw I'm gonna block you

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yourusername ladies! ladies! there's enough of me to go around xx 💋💋

taliamar ugh my baby's having a baby and she's absolutely glowing, my heart can't take this 🫠😭

miniminter @yourusername she's crying now, cheers.

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yourusername you're my fav

calfreezy to ask the question everyone wants to know, was it a good shag?

yourusername calfreezy, I sincerely hope you die xoxo

freyanightingale ahh the secrets out! such a beautiful mum, guaranteed to be a stunning baby boy 🥹🥹🥹

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taliamar just posted !

liked by yourusername, ksi, freyanightingale, and 115,679 others

taliamar when I first met you I remember being so in awe of everything about you, how you held yourself with such beauty and confidence no matter what. then you called me seven months ago and made me promise not to tell anyone that you were going to be bringing another beautiful soul into the world. y/n, you will be the most incredible mother in the world, because you're already the most incredible person in the world. I'm tearing up typing this because seeing how much you've changed and grown is so hard-hitting for me, but know that I'm so so proud of you, for now and for always. love you, angel 💞💞💞

yourusername TALS 😭😭😭😭 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME WOMAN??? ITS NOT HEALTH FOR ME TO BE CRYING THIS MUCH. you're literally my soulmate, I will do anything for you, my love ❤️❤️

taliasminter proud to say that this has been my fav friendship online since the beginning

faithlouisak just posted an instagram story !

wroetoshaw just posted an instagram story !

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reidfucker · 13 days

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mitski songs that make me think of reid + a specific lyric

spencer reid is very mitski. but these were the first to come to mind. i do not take criticism.

- working for the knife

honestly, the entire song reminds me of reid, but this in particular:

I always thought the choice was mine

And I was right, but I just chose wrong

I start the day lying and end with the truth

That I'm dying for the knife

- liquid smooth

I'm liquid smooth, come touch me, too

I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe

About to fall

How I feel this river rushing through my veins

With nowhere else to go, it circles 'round

- class of 2013

Mom, would you wash my back?

This once, and then we can forget

And I'll leave what I'm chasing

For the other girls to pursue

Mom, am I still young?

Can I dream for a few months more?

- i don't smoke

Just don't leave me alone

Wondering where you are

I am stronger than you give me

Credit for

If your hands need to break

More than trinkets in your room

You can lean on my arm

As you break my heart

- abbey

again, the entire song is very reid, but:

I am something

I have been something

I was born something

What could I be?

There is a light that I can see

But only, it seems, when there's darkness in me

There is a dream that I sometimes see

That only appears in the dark of sleep

- i bet on losing dogs

Will you let me, baby, lose

On losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place

By the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I wanna feel it

I bet on losing dogs

I always want you when I'm finally fine

- the deal

Then of course, nothing replied, nothing speaks to you in the night

And I walked my way home, there was no one in sight

Save a bird perched upon a streetlight, watchin' me

So, I stopped and let it watch 'til I found that it said

"Now I'm taken, the night has me

You won't hear me singin'

You're a cage without me

Your pain is eased, but you'll never be free for

Now I'm taken, the night has me"

- fireworks

this is perhaps one of the reid-est. here's the particular lyric:

One morning this sadness will fossilize

And I will forget how to cry

I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change

Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye

I will go jogging routinely

Calmly and rhythmically run

And when I find that a knife's sticking out of my side

I'll pull it out without questioning why

- i don't like my mind

again, the entire song is reid, but this is my pick:

I don't like my mind, I don't like being left alone in a room

With all its opinions about the things that I've done

So, yeah, I blast music loud, and I work myself to the bone

And on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake

- first love / late spring

very cliché, but i HAD to include it! here:

And I was so young when I behaved 25

Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child

And I don't wanna go home

Let me walk to the top of the big night sky

- there's nothing left for you

You could touch fire

You could fly

It was your right

It was your life

And then it passed

To someone new

It'll keep passin' on

Long after you

- nobody

And I don't want your pity

I just want somebody near me

Guess I'm a coward

I just want to feel alright

- because dreaming costs money, my dear

I once lived in the sea

Bring me to your ear, you can hear

The tide where I used to be

Though now I'm but a shell

- a pearl

Sorry, I don't want your touch

It's not that I don't want you

Sorry, I can't take your touch

It's just that I fell in love with a war

Nobody told me it ended

And it left a pearl in my head

And I roll it around every night

Just to watch it glow

Every night, baby, that's where I go

- real men

Real men keep cool in the face of a fire

Go down with the ship

And real men don't eat

'Cause they're above that, damn it

Oh, I'm gonna be a real man

- crack baby

It's been a long, hard 20 year summer vacation

Both these 20 years tryna fill the void

Crack baby, you don't know what you want

But you know that you had it once

And you know that you want it back

Crack baby, you don't know what you want

But you know that you're needing it

And you know that you need it bad

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #mitski #mitski lyrics #reidfucker

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undead-supernova · 3 months

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I'll Pay the Price, You Won't.

Miss Heartbreak

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

Masterlist

This chapter is based off of Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince by Taylor Swift and I'm starting to realize just how in deep I am in the lore and storytelling of her music. See if you can find my easter eggs, hm?

plot: no cameras catch my muffled cries...you are the only one who seems to care...this is a fight that some day we're gonna win

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: slut shaming, body image insecurities, public shaming, crying

easter egg count: 43

wc: 5.3k

When you first realized you were in love with him, it was a Saturday night. You weren’t even with him. In fact, you were at a house party with some of your best friends. They weren’t famous—these three girls were in college, just the way you should’ve been. You’d met them at a dive bar in Pittsburg while touring.

There was a distinct memory of watching these girls walk in, talking about their English courses and the ten-page research papers on the feminist lens of the works of Octavia Butler, rape culture in a novel called Waiting for the Barbarians, and how the third girl was doing some deep dive into the coded lesbianism in Gertrude Stein’s Tender Buttons. You approached them, desperate to know more about their class. Their studies. Their college experiences.

Desperate to know more about the life you gave away when your career blew up three days before moving into your dorm room.

They knew who you were, but they didn’t care to squeal or ask for pictures. Instead, they motioned for you to join them and started to complain about their shared Rhetorical Analysis class. And after a few Fireball shots, some poor attempts at karaoke, and loud debates about Jane Austen and Emily Brontë that nearly got you kicked out, you were solidified.

But there you were, at a college house party after flying out just to see them. You were in drastically different makeup than you were used to. In short, you were basically in Eddie Munson cosplay. Your friends had dressed you up, giggling and adding more charcoal eye shadow than you desired. Becky, Mary, and Este swore it would make you feel better. That you’d dance the night away without a care in the world.

But the couch was where you stayed the whole night, a mimosa (filled with more prosecco than orange juice) in your hands as you watched life exist around you. You were pretending to be a normal twenty-two year old girl. You were pretending that you could have love affairs with anyone you wanted to and if your heart got broken every single time, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to anyone outside of your friends that loved you.

And he would be there, too.

With your head to rest on his shoulder, listening to him talk about his Dungeons and Dragons game he hosted with the rest of the band when they were tucked away in hotel rooms. They were too big to go out without everyone and their mother following them, so they found a way to escape.

(People thought they did drugs and partied. And, at the start of the band, they did. Eddie had told you about having a coke problem in the beginning and Gareth, Jeff, and Grant trashing hotel rooms. Ronnie getting the cops called on her house regularly for the outrageous parties she hosted. But it died out after about a year when they realized how tiring it was to just be on all the time. They went to parties sometimes, but now they really looked forward to smoking a few joints and playing a fantasy game.)

In this fictional scenario, they’d congregate in the communal rooms at their dorm. They’d buy a few pizzas and beer, remembering to get the garlic twists of course, and play for six hours.

And you would lean over to his ear, brushing your lips against his ear and say, “I’m in love with you.”

As soon as it fell into your imagination, you were startled to the point of springing up and running to the bathroom, hyperventilating in the mirror. The rest of your night had been spent with your friends cuddling you in their shared apartment until you could calm down.

“It’s too soon for this!” you exclaimed. “It’s too soon for me to fall in love.”

They said that it was fine. That you were allowed to love him. That the chance at love was worth the bullshit. You could survive this, even if he didn’t feel the same. Maybe you would be able to connect better if you just told him how you felt.

But this was only a month after you started seeing each other.

Only a week before you two were caught in public together.

Only a week before the whole world had an opinion.

“I can’t believe we’re out at a restaurant in Manhattan of all places.”

“On a date,” he noted.

“On a date.”

“Oh, and happy four-month anniversary,” he said while holding up his piece of bread, leaning over to tap yours with it.

“Ah, yes. How could I forget?” you teased before stuffing the slice in your mouth, closing your eyes as you became overwhelmingly calmed by the taste of butter melting on your tongue.

It was super late on a Saturday, one of the only times you could get away with having a private dinner without the threat of paparazzi and lingering glances. You felt fancy, with a sparkly silver dress on, all short with thin straps and a small slit at the thigh. Tall, sparkly silver heels that made you nearly the same height as him. A fluffy pink faux fur coat sitting on the back of the chair (that Eddie had spent the whole drive here running his hands through). Pink nails to match, already chipped from your nervous picking.

Eddie was dressed beautifully, wearing a silk white button down. Simple black blazer and slacks. His signature boots. Those rings. That necklace. Hair up in a bun with bangs and stray hairs framing his face. The only real nontraditional part of his ensemble was a thin layer of black eyeliner adorning his eyelids and waterline, with mascara to match.

Oh, and a coat of lipgloss, lipgloss that he borrowed from you, that was now lining the rim of his wine glass.

“Do you like it?” he asked. “The wine, I mean.”

You looked down at the burgundy liquid you were absentmindedly swirling. You had no clue what that did for the drink or if it was just to look fancy, but it was something you saw your parents do growing up. You decided to take a crack at being an adult tonight, just to see how it felt.

“Yeah, it’s nice. Thank you.”

He nodded, but you could tell that he was still nervous about the whole thing. You couldn’t blame him. Being out for an official date together in the heart of a city with nearly nine million people who could ruin it at any second was quite a heavy burden. There was a part of you that feared that you had become a burden in the last four months.

Enough of that, you tried to tell yourself.

“However,” you added. “I do have to confess that I have absolutely no clue what the difference is between this and the stuff I get at the grocery store.”

Eddie let out a sigh and a breathy laugh. You wondered how long he’d been holding it in. “Well, that’s a relief because I was literally sitting here thinking the exact same thing.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Are you serious?”

He kept laughing. “Yes! I thought I was the only one!”

“No, this is literally exactly how I feel whenever I have dinner with some of the label execs,” you exclaimed. “They order all this like crazy expensive wine, and I have to just sit there and be like,” you raised the pitch of your voice, “Oh, wow. This is sooo cool. So good. What year is it? That must cost a fortune.”

Eddie nodded. “Me, too! And it’s like: Dude, seriously? I could get shit I like better than this at, like, Trader Joe’s or Target. Fuck, even Walmart.”

You giggled as you continued to nod with him. “Yes, yes, yes! I genuinely don’t get it. Everyone is so pretentious, I swear.”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Eddie raised his glass. “Fuck ‘em.”

You grinned. “Fuck ‘em!” you agreed, clinking your glass with his before you took a hearty sip. Finally took a second glance around the room.

“I really thought there’d be more people here,” you observed. “Isn’t this, like, a popular restaurant? I hear celebs love this place.”

“I maaaay have bought out the empty tables,” Eddie admitted, looking sheepish. “I didn’t want our first official date to be bombarded with people we know or even ones we don’t. I wanted to make sure I could focus.”

A grin met your lips. “You’re a sweetheart, you know that?”

“That’s you, baby. That’s all you.”

The playful dinner conversation continued with a whole three course meal plus dessert. You came alive in public for once, talking in silly voices and laughing as loud as you wanted. Like you were best friends. Like you were lovers. Holding Eddie’s hand at the table without having to worry about cell phones. No one here was able to take away what was yours.

Despite feeling full, you couldn’t help but nibble on some more of the bread. Your personal trainer, Mary, forbid you from eating any while you were gearing up for another album release and tour. But you were starting to care a little bit less. And she wasn’t here. Eddie was, pushing the basket towards you.

But then the strangest thing happened as the waiter took your dinner plate.

As he turned to leave, you looked past him and saw that the other five occupied tables in the restaurant were…staring. And…so were their waiters? Had everyone finally started staring or were you only now noticing? But you would’ve noticed before…

They were all looking from their phones to you and then back again. The hushed whispers were getting a bit louder, even catching Eddie’s ears. He turned his head to look but was distracted when his phone started ringing.

Gareth.

“Take it,” you encouraged. Eddie raised an eyebrow. “It’s probably important.”

He nodded. “Hey,” he said as he answered. “No, I’m on an incredibly important date, remember?”

As you spread butter over the last slice, you couldn’t help but giggle when Eddie looked up at you with a quick wink and a smile meant only for you.

But then his eyebrows narrowed.

“What’re you doing watching cable?”

And a part of you wished you could hear the other side of the conversation when you watched Eddie’s neutral expression falling into anger.

“They what?”

“It’s fucking SNL. They haven’t had a good run in years. I don’t think anyone even watches—”

You noticed him get cut off before shaking his head.

“What? Why the fuck do people care?”

“Fuck…yeah, okay… Sure, whatever…” He sighed, pinching his nose in frustration. “No, I’m not mad at you. Promise… I’m sorry for being a dick. I just hate people, I swear…” A quick nod. “Thanks for understanding and letting me know. Love you, dude. Okay, talk later.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked as he immediately started searching for something on his phone. “Is everything okay?”

Eddie paused, looking away from his phone to bring his attention back to you.

His expression held something resembling an apology.

“The guys are watching TV back at the hotel and, uh, they were watching SNL…”

“Okay?”

“Apparently they did a skit about you.”

Your stomach dropped as you let his words sink in.

It was one thing to have random people on the internet give you shit. It was another thing entirely for a long-running, highly known television show to have grown adults portray you and spend four to six minutes making fun of you. Especially when you’d performed there merely two months ago.

“Is it…” you trailed, almost unable to speak.

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Yeah, it’s bad.”

“It’s on YouTube already?” He nodded. “Let me see.”

“Are you sure you want to watch it?”

You nodded. “I should know what’s going on. Everyone’s already staring at us,” you stated, gesturing behind him.

When Eddie looked back at every nameless face watching you, every single person looked away. Like he commanded the room with his presence. Like he had the power to change the world with just one stare.

He had changed your world with just one glance.

Sighing, Eddie clicked on the video, holding it between you two on the table.

“I decided to go on The Bachelorette to prove that I haven't dated everyone,” a woman said with a huge grin, mimicking the way you smiled. "And to get new inspiration because I need to sell my next album. I'm sure this will be fun."

Some new addition to the cast tried to imitate your posture. Your voice. Your everything. She was acting like you were some ditsy girl. Did people really think of you like this? Is this how the cast and crew saw you when you were there?

A fake announcer's voice said, “Here are the men and women chosen for tonight.”

The woman impersonating you smiled even wider in a comedic fashion, making fun of the way you, what, didn't ever give a negative reaction? The camera turned to watch everyone file in.

The different men and women of the SNL cast rotated, pretending to be people you’d allegedly been with. But most of them were wrong. When you were rumored to be dating these people, friend or not, they left, either from wanting that clout or being unable to handle the noise. All you had wanted were real friendships, real relationships. But being burnt at the stake came with the possibility of flammable embers.

One after the other, impression after impression, they were reminding you of everyone you’d lost.

And was that Jacob Elordi pretending to be…Christopher Briney?

(You met Christopher once at the Emmy’s, having taken one fucking photo together before he was whisked away by his team. At the time, you had only wished he would notice you before he got a girlfriend…)

“We're missing one guy...where is he?” the announcer said.

Mikey Day popped in with a smoke machine behind him and some copyright free rock music playing, wearing a curly wig and pretending to be Eddie. The audience lost their minds, erupting in applause and laughter at the sheer mention of him. He was immediately stereotyped as a punk stoner who only pretended to listen to you talk while playing his guitar.

“Hey, babe,” he said, trying to mimic Eddie’s voice. “What’s up?”

You looked over at the real Eddie who looked less than impressed. Less than affected by someone trying to make fun of him. You wished you could say the same for yourself.

“I CHOOSE HIM FOR MY NEXT ALBUM!” the woman shouted before ripping up the roses and walking over. However, she turned and pointed at the others. "Save them for me in case I get bored.”

As she grabbed onto "Eddie's" arm and professed her love, it was clear that he wasn't paying attention. "Are you even listening to me?" she shouted.

“Nah, baaabe,” he said and then realized his “mistake”. Cue laughter. “I’m totes paying attention.” Laughter. “Just practicing this sick riff for the band.” He raised his guitar before turning it the other way. “Does it look cool this way, babe?” Laughter ensued as he pretended to play his guitar right-handed. “Do I look metal as hell?”

“Totally, babe,” the woman said, giggling. “You’re so hot.”

“Ah, babe, thanks. I know it’s been three minutes but this is forever, babe.”

When the skit ended, Eddie turned it off and shoved his phone in his pocket.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay,” you said, trying to tell yourself more than him. “It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Did anyone see what was happening? That this was starting to get out of hand? It was like nobody gave a shit, nobody cared that you were human. Yes, you were privileged and had money, you knew that. You grew up fucking poor, hit even worse with the 2008 recession, hardly ever recovering.

You always acknowledged your privilege, always made it a point to give it away to people who needed it more than you. Provided for your family so your parents didn’t have to go back to working at the sawmill and being fucking tour guides for next to nothing at Graceland. (The fucking irony.) Donated constantly to animal shelters, women’s shelters, LGBTQIA+ youth organizations, etc. etc.

But no one would know any of that because you kept that secret. Kept it hidden to be the face of your label, with a shiny pageant smile. You were now the punching bag, the reflection of society that every YouTuber did deep dives on and now SNL was taking a shot at.

When would it end?

“Are you?” Eddie asked, causing you to come out of the fog. “‘Cause your hands are shaking.”

You looked down, realizing he was right. “I—”

Before you could say anything, your own phone buzzed. Looking down, you noticed a text from Becky. It was a link to a video on Twitter or X or whatever the fuck it was called now. Her text read,

Look how delusional the internet is. I don’t care about this crap but I wanted to make sure you knew what was going on before you got bamboozled or something. Also, fuck that SNL skit. Love you.

“There’s more,” you murmured, looking up at Eddie’s concerned expression.

“Fuck.”

He stood up immediately and pulled over the chair next to you. He sat and leaned in, just as deep into this as you were. You didn’t hesitate to click on the link. It was just another band-aid to rip off anyways.

The caption said:

are gareth ronnie and grant next? lmao eddie shouldn’t have gone anywhere near her. the vibes are soooo off

You heard Eddie scoff as he read it.

The video attached was of you and Jeff walking around New York City that very morning, laughing together. You nudged his arm, animatedly talking.

You knew what had happened, distinctly remembering that the conversation was about Eddie. Jeff had been teasing you, telling you that he knew you were disgustingly in love with him and that you needed to just say it before you lost your minds. You thought it was funny, so you jokingly nudged his arm and pretended to threaten violence. That was it. Nothing else happened.

“No!” you exclaimed, wild-eyed as you turned to Eddie. “No, Jeff and I went to get this chocolate mousse at this little bistro we both like. We told you before we left, remember? I swear it was the truth. We were literally talking about you. Eddie, I—”

“It’s all good, sweetheart,” Eddie interrupted, kissing your temple four times. “Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s okay. I believe you. I know you’d never do anything like that.” You felt yourself breathe again. “Besides, Jeff has a crush on our tech manager anyways.”

That made you chuckle for a second, but you felt yourself deflate, putting a hand on your forehead as tears trickled down your cheeks. “I’m scared. I don’t like this, Eddie.”

“Me neither.”

Before you could say anything else, your waiter was approaching the table.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” the waiter asked, hands politely clasped in front of him. You avoided his gaze, embarrassment flooding your system. There was something irrational telling you that he would tell the internet about your breakdown, expose you for your reaction.

But when you glanced at him, he actually looked…concerned.

“Yeah, could we get the check, please?” Eddie asked in a hushed voice, running his fingers down your back. “We’re gonna need a minute, but I just wanna get that out of the way.”

“Of course, Mr. Munson.” he responded before turning to you. “I can take that plate for you if you’d like?”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” you said, sniffling.

Without thinking, you moved your hand to grab your bread plate, accidentally knocking your glass on the table. You watched as the wine seeped into the white cloth, staining the fabric.

Eddie was quick to grab the glass before it shattered on the floor.

“Oh, shit,” you muttered, taking your napkin and trying to blot the stain. You kept glancing up at the waiter through your tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That’s so rude of me. I’m so sorry.”

The waiter shook his head. “It’s okay, ma’am. We have a hundred more in the back. This happens all the time.”

“Here,” you said, shaking your head as you rummaged through your purse. When you found your wad of cash, you handed him a one-hundred-dollar bill. “Take this. For you, not the restaurant. I’m so sorry.”

He gaped at you, looking down at the bill before looking back up. “Um, thank you,” he said, breaking his customer service voice before taking the cash from you. “I’ll get everything sorted for you right away.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I want to leave,” you whispered, your voice cracking. “Can we leave?”

You looked over at Eddie who was already standing and grabbing your coat.

“Yeah, baby,” he said softly. “I’ll pay up front. Come on, let’s go.”

But it wasn’t really going to be that simple, was it?

As soon as you reached the front doors, James and Scott, your personal bodyguard, were stopping you.

“Guys, uh, we got a situation,” Scott said, mainly looking at you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“There’s a fuck ton of paparazzi out there.”

“And that’s the only way we can get to the car,” James added.

You wanted to look at Eddie, but you didn’t want him knowing just how scared you were. He was so stoic and strong, always being able to shrug everything off. It was like he was born for this.

Maybe you weren’t.

“Okay,” Eddie said, putting his shoulders back before grabbing your hand. His grasp was firm with a gentle squeeze that left your heart soaring despite the fear. He nudged your arm, causing you to look up. “Ready, sweetheart?”

You nodded, looking back at James and Scott, tear stains still adorning your cheeks. “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

A gasp left your mouth as the doors opened and a swarm of people with cameras crowded around you. Flashes and red recording lights and cell phones. Screams, gasps. Some fans tried to catch your attention the best they could, but their voices were drowned out by the incessant vultures. James and Scott were on either side of you, pushing people out of the way.

But it did nothing. It only sprung more tears.

Paparazzi shouted your name. Shouted Eddie’s.

“What did you think of the SNL skit?”

“Any comment on the cheating allegations?”

“Is this thing between you serious?”

They were all variations of the same thing.

Except for one voice that stood out from the rest.

“Hey, why are you crying?”

You turned, seeing a teenage girl who looked barely fourteen, maybe fifteen, with rainbow braces and friendship bracelets in her hand. She stood next to who you presumed to be her mother, over by the curb. Set apart from the hive.

Despite your better judgment, you nudged Scott and walked over to her quickly.

“I want to talk to her,” you told him loudly, disconnecting your hand from Eddie’s.

Scott nodded. “You got maybe a minute and a half before things get buckwild.”

“She’s got this,” Eddie said. You looked at him and smiled.

Thank you, you mouthed before rushing over to the girl.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Just got a lot going on, hun,” you said softly, trying to smile but your tears clouded your vision. Your only hope was that the sight wouldn’t scar her for the rest of her life. “What’s your name?”

“Caroline,” she said before handing you the bracelets. “I made these for you.”

Her mom placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up. “She’s been keeping them with her just in case she ever saw you in the city. She’s a big, big fan.”

You could only try to smile again, studying the colors Caroline chose to represent your last few albums. Light blue to represent your self-titled album. A soft sage for your second, “Tetris”. Sparkling gold for your last album, “Acacia My Dear”. There were even one or two that had references to inside jokes shared between you and the fans.

“These are beautiful,” you told her, immediately rolling them onto your wrist. “Thank you so much, Caroline.”

“Could I get a picture of you two?” her mom asked.

“Hey,” Scott interrupted. “Sorry, we gotta cut this short. They’re pressin’ in on us.”

You nodded, looking back at Caroline. “Thank you so much, Caroline. This means everything to me,” you said honestly. Without thought, you gave her a tight hug. “You just made everything better,” you whispered in her ear.

When you pulled back, her mom grabbed your hand. “You’re doing great things,” she said, softly squeezing your hand. “Don’t let those bastards win.”

Before you could even process her words or thank her, Scott was pulling you back to Eddie. Scott seemed a little softer, blonde hair still peppering with gray. He was from Tennessee, like you, his accent just noticeable enough to give him away. James seemed to contrast him, with thick muscles, frown lines across his forehead, and a bald head. Oh, and did you mention that he was a hardass from Ireland?

Your grasp on Eddie’s hand tightened with every passing second before you were finally enclosed in the confines of the black van.

The walk to the car was only, what, two minutes? Three?

But it felt like forever.

The waterworks continued, wracking your body with sobs you didn’t realize were just brewing behind the façade you were able to put up on any given occasion.

Scott took the driver’s seat while James took shotgun. You could just barely make out what they were whispering.

“Fucking vampires, the lot of ‘em,” James said, shaking his head.

“Them two deserve better,” Scott replied. “They’re just fucking kids.”

Eddie pulled you into his side, making sure you were hidden from any and all intrusion even if the windows were severely tinted.

You had an urge, however miniscule it felt, to go on your Instagram story and be bitter about it. Tell SNL to fuck off and remind them how sexist and gross it was to put you in a sketch just to make fun of your dating history when there were men around you who ran through women like sport and talked about them like each one was a momentary fad.

But you knew what would happen. You would be considered overreacting. You’d be a woman scorned and laughed at for caring so much despite the rest of the fucking internet seeming to care more.

So, you did nothing. Said nothing.

You merely curled yourself further into Eddie and fought the urge to have a mental breakdown.

“We’re getting out of the city,” he whispered. “Back to your place.”

“It’s a long drive,” you mumbled.

“I don’t mind. Really. We made the drive out here, remember?” Eddie shook his head. “Speaking of, I’m sorry. I should’ve chosen somewhere more secluded.”

“You shouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t have to.”

He leaned back, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. “I want you to feel safe.”

“But I want us to be normal people going to a normal restaurant and have a normal date.”

“We’ll win this fight, okay?” he said, tracing his thumb along your cheeks as the tears came and went. “They have to get bored soon enough, yeah? TikTok will move on to its next viral bullshit anytime now. We just have to wait it out.”

“It’ll just go away?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Both you and Eddie let out a sigh. “Listen, okay? Just listen to me. We’ll figure this out. I’ll tell the world to fuck off. Just give me the word and I’ll do it.”

“That’ll just egg them on.”

He kissed your wet cheek. Pulling back, you could see the color return to his face as he smiled. “I could always pull an Ozzy.”

That got a giggle out of you, a few snot bubbles awkwardly falling down your lips. Eddie didn’t mind, simply grabbing a tissue to help wipe it away.

“Absolutely do not do that,” you said with a sigh, grabbing another one.

“Then I won’t. But I’m here in front of you. I want you. I need you.”

You nodded, your eyes glassy and wild as you tried to stop crying.

“Alright, babe?” he exaggerated, imitating Mikey Day. “I’m metal as hell, babe.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. It was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. You looked up at him, watching a playful grin meet his lips.

“Oh, yeah, babe,” you played along, still wiping your tears. “You’re sooooo hot, babe.”

Eddie nearly suffocated you with another hug, rapidly kissing the top of your head. You couldn’t help but giggle again, feeling some weight lifting off of you. For the first time, you had someone in your life who was blocking out the noise.

“You know, the jokes aren’t even funny,” he said. “I don’t know why they’re making fun of a right-handed guitar. Jimi Hendrix had one and that guy’s a legend.”

“I think the point was to make you look dumb by playing it upside down.”

“Mmmm, I don’t think so, babe,” he teased. “I’m, like, sooooo smart.”

“You’re soooo right, babe.” “Okay, I’m cutting us off. I just know we won’t stop talking like this.”

The laughter died out, silence ensuing. Eddie was fiddling with your bracelets, his touch settling the storm in your stomach.

“Why did you walk over to that girl?”

You thought about her, Caroline, and how she was the only one outside to ask if you were okay. All she wanted was to give you bracelets. Had been keeping them with her just in case she ever saw you. Fuck, if that wasn’t one of the most shocking things you’d ever heard from a fan. It was kind. And when she did see you, she cared more about how you were feeling.

“She asked me why I was crying,” you said. “She actually cared. It meant something to me.”

“You really love the fans, don’t you?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

The night seemed to settle into comfortable silliness, ending with pints of Ben & Jerry’s and the start of another TV show for you two to binge. You settled into his side with fuzzy socks and old pajamas from before all of the bullshit ensued. They were probably ten years old, from the thrift store down the street from your childhood home. The hand-me-downs that never seemed to get holes, the ones that always seemed to save you from the brink of madness.

Eddie was donning a similar outfit, just with a few holes here and there. Baseball tee with a logo for his old D&D group, Hellfire Club, back in high school. Some of the lines were starting to crack, the red fading into something nearly blood orange.

It was comforting to know that Eddie was able to shrug it all off. That he was able to guide you through this fear and loathing. But some part of you wondered how long that could last. All the heat and dismissal and scrutiny and humiliation. All the assumptions and poking.

Because if he wanted to do this, if he was in it for the long haul, this was going to be how it was for the rest of your careers, for the rest of your lives. He wasn’t going to be able to shrug everything off. What happens when he’s poked at? When he’s the one in your shoes?

And as you laid there at 2am with Eddie fast asleep next to you, you were starting to wonder about yourself. Because if you wanted to do this, if you wanted to follow wherever he led, you were going to have to endure. Watching him sleeping soundly, you couldn’t help but wonder how long you could last.

#Eddie munson #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #Eddie Munson x female reader #boyfriend!eddie munson

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sissylittlefeather · 4 months

Text

How the Web Was Woven: Chapter 7

A/N: PHEW this is a tough series to write, folks. But I promise if you hang on to the end, you won't be disappointed. This is another chapter in my time travel/soulmate AU with Elvis and a fem!reader. I hope you all like this chapter. Please don't give up on us. It's gonna get so gooooood.

Need to catch up? Here's my masterlist.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, angsttttttt

Word count: ~2.5k

Will he ever see you again?

******

You sit in your bed staring at your left hand and the diamond ring nestled there on your finger. Jeff is asleep next to you snoring quietly. You knew the proposal was coming, since you've been together for almost a year and a half, but now that the ring is on your finger there's only one thought in your head: you have to tell Elvis.

Even though you ended on difficult terms, you feel like you owe it to him to let him know that you're okay and that you can live the rest of your life without him. You know he can and will live the rest of his without you. You're not sure why, but a single tear escapes and slides down your cheek. You haven't seen him in 2 years and pushing him through the portal was the hardest thing you'd ever done. Would he even want to see you? How on earth would you make a portal to get back if he hates you?

Still, you have to risk it. Something is telling you that you need to let him know. Whatever the thing is that binds you together is screaming at you to try to find him. You pull your phone out and start doing research to figure out where he is in the spring of '62. He's filming Girls Girls Girls.

"You okay, baby?" Jeff rolls over and notices that you're awake.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just... I need to go to Hawaii."

"Hawaii?!"

"Yeah. Just trust me. I'll be back in a couple days."

"Whatever you say, babe." He rolls over and goes back to sleep.

There's a distinct squeezing feeling in your chest and you hate to admit it, but you miss Elvis.

******

Elvis gets back to his hotel room at the Hawaiian Village in Oahu after a long day of filming and lays on his bed fully clothed. Out of nowhere, you enter his mind. He's tried so hard not to think about you over the past two years, but when he's especially tired, he just can't help it. The same old wondering about whether he'll ever see you again hits him and he wants to cry. After the way you literally shoved him away last time, though, he's pretty sure you won't come looking for him again. Still, he says a quick prayer that you're okay, wherever you are, and squeezes his eyes shut so that the tears that have gathered there slide down the side of his face into his hair. For the first time in a while, he lets himself miss you.

******

On the plane, you nervously fidget with the new ring on your finger. You think about the last two years, about graduation, starting to date Jeff, getting your job, and everything else that's happened. The six months after you forced Elvis to leave were a dark time for you. And then there was Jeff. You'd met him that same night, but you didn't expect him to come crashing back into your life like he did. He dragged you out of your depression and made you go to counseling. He helped you cut back on your drinking and really actually saved your life. You don't feel about him the way you felt, or feel, about Elvis, but you love him. He's a good man and he'll be a good husband.

But he's not Elvis. And your stomach flutters at the thought of seeing him again.

******

Another day of shooting is over and Elvis falls back onto his bed again. For some reason, he's thinking about you again and he's starting to get annoyed with himself for not being able to focus on what he's actually doing. Why are you back in his mind? He shakes his head and goes to take a shower.

When he steps out, towel around his waist, his jaw damn near hits the floor. The old familiar buzzing sound is there, complete with the wavy air.

******

You step through the portal and it closes behind you with a pop.

"Hi Elvis." He stands there unable to speak. A lump has formed in his throat and he's not sure whether he should kiss you or yell at you.

"What are you doing here?" He finally gets out.

"I-I... it's a long story." The tension in the room is so thick you'd need a hell of a knife to cut through it. He walks past you to the bed and sits down on the edge of it in an effort to keep himself from passing out.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"I know. Do you hate me?" You ask tentatively, not sure you're ready for the answer. He's dying to run to you and wrap his arms around you, to feel your skin against his and press his lips to you finally after all this time. But he doesn't.

"I wouldn't say hate."

"But you're not happy to see me."

"How many times am I supposed to let you hurt me before I can stop being happy to see you?" His words cut through you like a laser and you feel the tears well up in your eyes. He's not wrong. You have hurt him pretty badly twice now. You look down at your feet to hide the tears that are now sliding down your cheeks. All you can do is whisper.

"I'm sorry."

He can tell you're crying and it breaks his heart. He knows it wasn't easy to push him away like you did, especially with the state you were in without him. After a few more minutes, he can't stand it anymore.

He stands up and takes three steps to you, wrapping you in his arms and holding you tightly. You cry into his chest and he strokes your hair soothingly.

But you're not just crying because you've hurt him in the past. You're crying because you know you're about to do it again. For a wild second you consider just staying with him in 1962. To hell with not changing the past and with your own future. You want him. But you can't. He matters too much. You can't take that away from him or from the world.

"Now, honey, why don't you tell me why you're here?" He backs up and takes both of your hands in his. That's when he notices your ring. "What the hell is this?"

You take a deep breath and close your eyes for a second before you answer him.

"It's the reason I'm here, Elvis."

"Y/n, did you get married?"

"Not yet. But I'm going to." He stumbles backwards away from you and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Who is he?" You sit down next to him and he gets up and walks away. He goes to the closet and pulls out a pair of pants, putting them on a little more aggressively than necessary.

"It doesn't matter."

"Like hell it doesn't. I need to know who's taking my woman."

"Elvis. Seriously? Do you think I don't know about Anita? And Sandy? And Priscilla?" He stops and it's like someone has dumped ice water down his spine.

"Y-y-you know about them?"

"I know about all of them. And I know who you will marry and it's not me. Did you think I was gonna sit around in my time pining over you while you lived your life?" He pulls a shirt over his head and sits down next to you on the bed. He turns and looks at you with a sad look in his eyes.

"No. I don't know what I thought. I guess I just hoped... but no, you're right. You should be happy in your time. Do you love him?" You manage a weak half-smile.

"He's good to me."

"That doesn't answer my question. Because I couldn't let you go to anyone that you don't-"

"I love him." You want to tell him that you don't love Jeff the way you love him, but what purpose would that serve?

"So I guess this is it, then?" You look into his eyes and try to keep yourself from crying again.

"I guess it is. Will you kiss me one more time. Like you mean it?"

"Honey, I do mean it." He leans in and kisses you deeply, his tongue brushing against yours tenderly.

"Make love to me like you mean it."

His hands roam over your body and he kisses down your neck.

"I mean it more than anything. Honey, if this is really the last time, I'm gonna make it count."

He lays you down on the bed and kisses the skin he can reach on your chest. Then he runs his hand under your shirt and lifts it over your head. He undoes your bra in one try and throws it to the side.

"You're so beautiful. I love your body. I just need to say that." He kisses down your chest and licks and sucks each of your nipples. He kisses back up to your mouth and groans into your mouth. His hand makes it way down to your center underneath your pants. But he stops before his fingers slide inside you.

"Would he... can I?"

"I want you to. Please." He nods and pushes his fingers into you. You moan and throw your head back in pleasure. No one will ever be able to bring you such pleasure with just his hand. He kisses your mouth deeply.

"We need to send you home. We need a portal."

"And I want you one last time."

"One last time."

You choke back tears as he moves his mouth from your neck down to your center. He pulls your pants down and off and kisses the inside of your thighs. His tongue moves up to your core and he licks over and around your clit skillfully.

"God, yes, I need it one more time."

"One more time, baby." He whispers into you as he continues to lick your clit. You feel the coil of your orgasm tighten in your lower stomach as he works between your legs.

"Yes, baby, please." You moan, running your fingers through his hair. Nothing Jeff does turns you on like Elvis does.

"Come for me honey. One last time." It doesn't take much more for you to slide over the edge into oblivion with his tongue moving on you as the electricity runs through you from your core to the tips of your fingers.

You squeeze your eyes shut tightly as he moves up your body, unbuttoning his pants to line himself up with your entrance.

"Hey. Is this what you want?" He kisses your cheek and waits for your answer before moving.

"Yes. Yes, god, I want it more than anything."

"Then look at me." You open your eyes and meet his deep blue ones in anticipation. He puts a hand on your cheek. "I will always love you. But I understand. I know we can only have this moment and nothing more. I don't love you any less because of it."

"Oh, Elvis." He presses his forehead to yours and then pushes into you slowly.

"Tell me you love me."

"God, you know I do."

"Say it anyway, so I have something to remember forever."

"I love you with all of me. Always and forever." He moves inside you, picking up speed with each thrust.

"That's my girl." He moves faster and faster, moving closer and closer to the end. Neither of you wants it to be over, but you both know you have lives waiting for you on the other side.

You wrap your legs around him in the hope that you can keep him closer for even just a moment longer. He grunts with the change in sensation and lays his head on your shoulder as he fucks you.

"I don't want you to leave me."

"I don't want to leave you." He captures your lips in a deep kiss and continues pushing toward the end. His cock slides in and out of you rhythmically and you want to cry with the intensity of your passion. Finally, he shudders and you feel his warmth fill you. His shoulders shake with the depth of his affection for you and you hold him close as you both weep. It's not long before you hear the buzzing sound and you have the insane urge to stay again.

You push his head up off of your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair.

"What if I stayed?" He pops his head up and looks at you.

"You know you can't. He's waiting for you." You sob openly. He's right. Your fiancé is waiting for you and his life is waiting for him. He holds you tightly as you cry for another couple of minutes. Then he kisses your forehead.

"You have to go, honey." You nod and slide out of the bed. You slowly gather your clothing and dress enough to get back through the portal. He stands up and pulls you to him one last time. "I will always love you. I hope he makes you as happy as you deserve to be."

"I love you, Elvis."

"I know, honey. I know." You grab his hand and kiss his fingers one last time. Then, you walk through the portal away from him toward your future. He watches you walk through and decides it's time to move Priscilla to Graceland and move on with his life.

******

It's 1966 and Elvis is knee deep in filming another stupid movie that the Colonel signed him to. He's ready to walk off the set and never come back to Hollywood. His whole career is a farce and his life feels like a joke. He finds a bathroom and is just about to seek some quiet time inside when he hears it.

The buzzing sound.

He looks to his left and sees the wavy air. It's been 4 long years and so much has changed. Why would a portal appear now? He was pretty sure that when he saw you in '62 it was the last time he'd ever see you. Still, the portal is undeniable. It tempts him with the possibility of seeing you and getting a break from his tedious and impossibly irritating schedule of filming. Even if it is a mistake, who cares at this point? Anything is better than the mind-numbing movies and soul-crushing reality of his current life.

He walks through the portal cautiously. When he does, he's shocked to find you on the floor. You have your knees folded and your whole body is shaking as you sob.

What the hell has happened to you in the 4 years since he's seen you?

******

Until chapter 8!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @that-hotdog @eddiesgirlforever @helen06dreamer @returntopresley @rjmartin11

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis smut #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader #elvis presley x y/n #elvis presley smut #elvis fanfiction #elvis x you #elvis x y/n #elvis presley x you #elvis presley fanfic #how the web was woven

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sorryimananti-romantic · 2 months

Note

Hey bestie sooooo lots of stuff happened and there was an opportunity I was really hoping I was gonna get, and I didn’t. On top of that it went to the same favorite people that get everything every time and I’ve just been feeling really upset and everything so if you’ve got any mingi comfort that would be great. I could just really use a lil virtual hug rn 😅. There’s a bunch of other stuff that led up to this but now im just feeling really hopeless and wanting to give up on my major even though it’s my dream. I think I kinda need to just sit and wallow for a bit and I’ll be fine but if you got any fluff I could use all of it 😅🩷

aw babes i'm sorry to hear that 😭🫂 you and me both honestly really need a virtual hug (nah a real hug actually) and well, i hope you get much better things than what you were aiming for! we never know where the flow of life is gonna take us so hoping for the best for you, always 🩷 and i hope you fight for your dream too! if you want to talk about it, i'm here for you 🩷

a mingi comfort fluff though, who am i to deny you? ;)

there are times in your life when all you want to do is lay down on a bed and sink through it into the void

or lay down on soft grass and hope the ground swallows you

you put a weight over yourself in the form of your blanket- the only physical thing weighing you down among a bunch of other invisible things

but that isn't enough

the warmth of it, the softness of it, it isn't enough

everything is silent. you can hear the static background noise- that's how quiet it is

could this go on forever while you gather your pieces together?

could time stand still for you?

no.

it never will

you're being swallowed by a bunch of thoughts

i'm alone in this world

no one will understand me

everything is over

there's no going back from here

and a bunch of other negative phrases that are murky in your head, but there in all their mighty presence

it feels like everything you've worked for is crumbling down in front of your eyes

everything is going wrong, wrong- where did it all start to go wrong?

you can't quite put a finger to it

all you know is that you are overwhelmingly sad.

the emotion 'sad' didn't make much sense to you- you always thought it was associated with some other emotion or feeling- such as when you lose someone dear and it's associated with grief

but now... you think you're starting to understand a little what's it like to be just sad. the plain old sad

it springs a little sarcastic laugh out of you and you have to purse your lips to keep another awful sound from bubbling out of you

but this time, your ears detect the familiar sound of footsteps in the house and you wonder just how deep in your thoughts you were to miss the sound of the door unlocking

you don't move. you don't make an effort to. you just hope that he goes to take a shower first or starts cooking. you hope he doesn't realise you're home already

you hope you get a little time to yourself so he doesn't have to see you in this state-

but a knock sounds on the door anyway and his voice calls your name, his eyes probably searching the darkness

you hope that he misses your curled figure in the blankets, but he's far too observant for that

he doesn't turn on the lights. you feel the edge of your bed dip as he sits there

"you're not hiding from me... are you?"

it's mingi. you could cry just hearing his voice

"no... just tired. i'll be out in a few minutes."

he doesn't miss the crack in your voice either

"do you want me to give you some space, or do you want me to stay?"

there's one thing you love about mingi. he always asks you what you need

and he always gives you what you ask for

if it's space you need, he will gladly give you it because he realises the importance of personal space and just sorting your own mess yourself

he won't question you until you talk yourself but he will keep reminding you that he's here

he's perfect in that way

but if it's him you need... he'll drop everything to be with you too

he'll either just hold you in silence or mutter affirmations

and for the first time in a while, you don't know what you need

so you tell him exactly that

mingi sighs deeply and gets up. you wonder if he's going to leave so you check through the little gap in the blanket, your heart beating anxiously

but he only draws the curtains apart just a fraction so he can see better

and then he's back, crawling in the bed next to you and asking if he can get in the blanket with you

you allow it. you scoot a bit to give him some space and he positions the blankets so he can hold you in his arms as he lies down next to you

you're slower this time as you make way to him and he notices that too. so he simply just holds you for a while

and you let the tears flow and wet his sweatshirt. you will apologise later, but for now, you can't stop it

his hand caresses your back repeatedly in soft, circular motions. his other hand is holding yours and squeezing it affectionately

you don't know how long you stay like this but at some point, the tears stop flowing and you move a little to wipe your face

"sorry for being a mess," you laugh and he lets out a short chuckle himself

"you know it's perfectly fine with me," he assures you, planting a kiss on the top of your head. "feeling better?"

"a bit, yeah," you tell him. you take a few deep breaths

"what's wrong, love?"

"everything," you sigh. "everything's going wrong at the same time and it's too much, mingi."

mingi brings you back in a hug, this time stronger and a reminder that you're not alone

and you realise that yes- you may have been a little selfish when thinking that you were truly alone in this world

you have him

your constant source of strength, a pillar to lean on

someone who always nudges you in the right direction when you're lost

someone whose words of wisdom heal you

and someone who makes you laugh, especially when he's being goofy like now

"shall we take that little trip now? drop everything and run away?"

"oh, how i wish i could, but i can't run away from this," you sigh.

and just like that, you start talking. slowly, but gradually, you tell him the sequence of events

and he gives you the validation you need- that everything you're feeling right now... it's okay to feel that

he makes you sit in front of him and he holds your hands as you work everything out

he gives objective answers- he knows your strengths and weaknesses, and he suggests the best course

he also plans every possible direction things could go from here on out- something he's really good at

"and like i always say... it can only get better from here, right?"

"sure feels like an all time low, so... yeah?" you say.

"every time i think i'm at an all time low, life throws another one at me"

you laugh at that- he's relatable like this

"well... it can't get worse than this, maybe, yeah?"

"and even if something bad happens," mingi addresses the anxiety in your heart. "even if things don't go as planned and you have to give up something important, you should remember that you're a strong person who can get through this."

you nod, letting his words sink in

"i'm here for you, yes," he says, "but i'm only a guide and emotional support, yeah? whatever you do, it's all you. and you're incredible and amazing. you will get through this. i'm proud of every decision you will make moving forwards. i believe in you, love."

it's all you need to hear and a few tears spill again, but you smile through them as you look at mingi, the dark strands falling over his forehead, his eyes warm

mingi, the person who makes you stand on your own two feet time and time again

mingi, who makes you realise that you can face anything in this world on your own

and mingi, who'll be there when you return from your battles. who'll patch you up, kiss your head and hug you

just like he hugs you now, all warmth and love

he brings you outside so you can eat dinner and it gets better

you don't feel like you're drowning anymore

you're not out of that surface, no, but it's a whole lot better for sure

he talks to you and you address other things in between jokes and kisses exchanged

and when it's time for bed, he holds you, preparing you for tomorrow

it will be okay

you will be okay.

#i feel like i could have written more but this just flowed in one sitting so here it is :')#and after writing it i realised i needed this just as much as you :')#i hope this helps you in some way <33 #here's to hoping we get thru it!#mingi x reader #mingi fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons #ateez imagines #ateez fluff #song mingi #mingi #marian <3 #yumi.asks

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yourlocalstranger123 · 1 year

Text

Welcome to demon school iruma - kun

Characters Asmodeus

I need help with my life choices. "Hello, darkness my old friend...I'm here to unhappily see you again"

(Also, im going to do this seperate so go to part 1 to see the others when im done or just go to my master list, and the setting of this is where they are in college; etc.)

[This is the settings where they are in college or as young adults]

Part 2 (smut) your here!

Part 1

Reader is: "bold"

Asmodeus~♥︎

"M– master!"

"Hm? Yes Asmodeus dear?"

His heart fluttered although soon enough lust filled him when you tugged and continued to play with his chest. "I'm n- hngh...not a girl.."

(I feel like this is more male than female but I assure you I'm trying to make both genders :D)

" plea– ahh! I- I want more, please...master?"

His legs are trembling, and his knees goes weak. You slowly kissed his neck, trailing down to his stomach. His breath hitched as you played with his chest. He tried muffling his moans but failed after you started grinding. You took off his pants, as now he doesn't have anything to cover himself.

He tugged your sleeve, "it feels embarrassing to be the only one naked..." You chuckled.

F! Reader

You took off your shirt as he watches. "You know you can touch it right?" He widens his eyes, but quickly put them in his mouth to muffle his moans as you stroke his cock. He squirmed, you took a hand full of hair and tug it to make him face you. He whines, struggling to go back until you bit his neck. He arched his back, you knew he was close by how loud he was but you decided to stop, edging him. His face fills with shock then desperation, crying lightly.

"You think I'll let you go that easy, pretty boy?"

Shocks of pleasure go through him, he could just cum right there, by your words. 'Pretty boy' as the words that came out of your mouth repeated in his head until he snapped back to reality and sees you on top of him. You slammed down, earning a loud, lewd moan. He covered his flustered face with his hands as he take a peek at your beautiful figure. You took away his hands from his face. "Be a good boy and don't hide from me."

He listened. You slammed back down, repeating without him getting used to such pleasure. It was fun to see him ruined like this, eyes rolling, drool dripping to his neck. He was a moaning mess.

It's been hours, his puffy eyes as he begs you, well now he can't even think to know what he was begging. Finally, his pleas were answered as you continued. He was whimpering since his throat was to soar from screaming.

"C- cuming— Please!– hngh!"

His eyes rolling, arching his back as he came. He would've thought he was dead until you started going again. His eyes widen as he throws his head up, sensitive from his last orgasm and edging.

"N- no More~! Pleashe, too much!— AHhH~! Hah-"

His words started to be less clear

"I promise I'll be gentle..♥︎" (you didn't)

The next day, his legs were stable, just sometimes a little trip or stumble. He did what he usually do although he would look away blushing and pouting [you didn't keep your promise of being gentle with him last night] whenever you were in the same room. It seems that the room is only hot for him. Wonder why.

M! Reader

"No, i- it's fine! I can do it!"

It's quite cute seeing him filled with such determination doing such...things

He put lube in his finger and inserted in him. He flinched how cold it was, whining by the contact of it. Now he felt himself heating up when he noticed you were looking at him, watching like you were gonna eat him up!

"Oh? You stopped. Don't mind me, continue. Just pretend I don't exist"

Your words weren't really encouraging but he did continue. He inserted another then another

He pushes your chest down and you let him do as he please. He took down your pants seeing your hard cock spring out. Now he thinks if three fingers are really enough? He felt your hands slithering to him, putting a blindfold on him. He whined but did nothing.

He takes hold of your cock, slowly getting used to your size. He hopes that was all, it wasn't but he doesn't need to know. You twist him around, his back on your chest. He tried turning around but you stopped him.

"Why not look in front of you instead of pouting?"

You took his blindfold off, and he was flustered. Seeing him sitting on your lap, squirming how it's so lewd seeing him like this, and your cock is only halfway in....halfway? He became more redder when he realized it. You slammed into him, putting your full length while he choked on a moan, tongue rolling out as his brain turned into mush. He leaned near your neck. Whimpering at the pain and pleasure of being stretched out by you.

"You know, I feel quite tired, why not you work for it?~" You teased.

You widen your eyes seeing him starting to bounce on your cock. He felt his arms and legs give out, the only thing stabling him is your hands on his waist. He whimpered, trying his best to pleasure you! Please call him a good boy, won't you?

"Please, it feels- hgn...not as good as you do it [name!]" He whined as he turned around and laid on your chest.

He actually said your name, maybe you should reward him for being so good ♥︎

You picked him up and put him on the bed, thrusting quickly making him moan. He gripped the sheets trying to not fall off, he blushed at the lustful sounds he makes but soon pleasure takes over him as he is almost at his climax.

"[Name], please cum in me! I want your cum!"

He put his arms over your neck as you started to pick up the pace, you two came soon after.

"Let's have a few more rounds, don't you agree?"

He gulped as hearts formed in his eyes. The next day he could not walk. He was carried by you everywhere, the class was worried for him. If only they knew the cause of it ♥︎

#iruma kun asmodeus #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus x you #asmodeus x male reader #asmodeus x female reader #asmodeus alice #asmodeus alice x reader #asmodeus alice x you #welcome to demon school iruma kun #asmodeus smut #asmodeus alice smut #sub asmodeus #sub asmodeus alice #sub asmodeus x reader #sub asmodeus x dom reader #smut #part 2 #part 2 is here!

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neverwanttofallasleep · 8 months

Text

I Never Want To Fall Asleep - Chapter 7

Word count: 5,313

For pairings, warnings, and disclaimer - see Masterpost

(this chapter contains explicit sexual content!)

Sunday, December 25th, 2022

Frankenmuth, Michigan

You can hear tapping. In your half-conscious state, you convince yourself that it’s getting louder and louder as the seconds pass. You groan and roll over toward the window, pulling the covers up around your ears, a little of the light from the porch filtering in. As you wake up further, you realise the tapping is coming from the window itself.

Now that you’re becoming more lucid, you start to get freaked out. Why would someone or something be tapping on your window in the middle of the night?

You dig around next to you for your phone, still quietly playing Hozier from its little speaker. You turn the music off and check the time. 12.37am. You have a few messages, and you unlock your cell, the tapping persistent.

Not really thinking, you swipe the most recent message from Jake, and the whole thread pops up. Two days of unread texts. You’d muted him, so you hadn’t even seen the notifications. You skim them all, and since about 10am today, he hasn’t messaged. Until an hour ago.

11.38pm Jake: Are you awake? I need to talk to you.

11.40pm Jake: I have to see you.

11.40pm Jake: Y/N, please reply.

11.41pm Jake: It really can’t wait, I need to see you tonight.

11.42pm Jake: <missed call>

11.58pm Jake: Danny told me where you’re staying, please let me come over. I have to explain what’s been going on with me. Call me back or something please. Anything.

12.15am Jake: I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry about Lily, I’m sorry I haven’t really told you anything. I want to fix things between us so badly, you have to believe me. I really have to make this right.

12.23am Jake: I’m coming to you. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.

12.36am Jake: <2 missed calls>

12.37am Jake: I’m here, please let me in.

Another one pops up.

12.38am Jake: Please, Y/N.

You throw back the covers, springing out of bed. You don’t even care what you look like. You’re furious. You march to the door and swing it open. Jake steps into view, away from the window, and your heart drops a little. He looks terrible, his hair limp around his shoulders, wearing sweats and a hoodie. You can see his eyes are red and puffy.

You don’t care. You’re fuming. How could he do this, again? Why couldn’t he respect your need for privacy?

“What the fuck, Jake?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but you don’t let him.

“What part of you thought this would be okay? Tapping on my window? You scared the shit out of me. How many times do you have to come to me in the middle of the night, apologising? I told your brothers not to tell you where I was. I’m fine. I need space. Go home, Jake.”

He sighs, shakily. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t gonna cut it. It’s almost 1 in the morning. I need to sleep.”

He's staring at the ground, and he starts to cry. “Y/N, please.” He doesn’t even really seem to know what he’s asking you for. “I just, uh,” he chokes a little, “I just need to explain myself. Please let me do that. And if you still hate me afterwards,” he sobs, “fuck, I’ll understand. I just need to tell you this.”

You feel your heart ripping for him in your chest. You sigh. “I don’t hate you.”

He sniffles and looks up at you. “You don’t?”

“Of course I don’t. I just needed to get away. Be on my own.”

He’s wiping his eyes. God, he looks awful. “I didn’t want you to be on your own. Fuck, Y/N. That’s not why I brought you here. I wanted us to be together, y’know, with my family.”

“Well, that’s just not how it worked out. I’m sorry, Jake. I can’t be there with you under the circumstances.”

He sighs defeatedly. “I know that.”

You’ve come this far. Maybe you do want to hear him out. “Why are you here, Jake?”

He looks directly at you, and you feel like he can see inside your mind. Feel your resolve cracking. As he speaks, you feel your ears go deaf.

“Lily and I broke up. I, uh... I think I'm in love with you, Y/N.”

You think you might throw up.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You choke.

He can see what he’s said has done to you, and he reaches forward, as if to catch you. You withdraw quickly, faltering backwards into your room.

He’s just standing in the doorway watching you. “Can I please come in?” He finally asks.

You nod, unable to speak.

He walks uncertainly, like he’s worried you might snap and throw him out at any second. You might. He sits on one of the chairs at the table, and turns himself to face the bed, toward you.

You think you might be in shock. At one point in time, those words might have elicited a completely different reaction from you. But all you can feel right now is wracking, bone shattering guilt. After a few moments of standing in the centre of the room, practically shaking, you force yourself to sit down on the bed, facing him.

“You broke up with her?” You whisper.

He nods. “She broke up with me, actually.”

“When?” You feel like you’re gasping for breath.

“Thursday night.” He’s settled now, not crying anymore. Seems like he’s now the rational one between of the two of you.

“You broke up because of me?”

He sighs. “No. I guess partly. But no, it was coming for a long time.”

You let out the breath you’ve been holding. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve not really been together since before the tour. We decided to go on a break before I left, things were, uh, pretty rough. I didn’t tell anyone except Josh. And I think we both separately decided while I was away that things weren’t gonna work out. I knew she was gonna be here, but we’d agreed to not see each other until after Christmas. I was supposed to break up with her next week, but Sam ran into her, and she came over and saw you. She, uh, she got there first.”

“So it was because of me?” You try to swallow, but you can’t. It feels like there are rocks in your throat.

He shakes his head. “Lily and I haven’t been on the same page for a long time. We’ve been holding on to this relationship because it’s what we know, and we each cared too much about the other to let it end. I’ll always love her, but it took me until I met you to realise that I can have more than one love of my life.” He sighs. “She saw it, too. I think that’s what made up her mind.”

That sick feeling is creeping up on you again. “I didn’t mean for that to happen."

He sighs. “I know. It’s not your fault. Please don’t think of it like that. She’s known for a while that it was over, and I think I have, too.”

You start to cry. Jake looks as if he might get up to comfort you, but perhaps he thinks better of it. You close your eyes, wishing you could disappear.

You feel the bed jostle beside you, and his cold hand make contact with your thigh. You open your eyes and turn to face him, and you can feel his warm breath, his eyes boring into yours. You just stare at him, tears still staining your cheeks. His eyes flick between yours, as if he’s searching for an answer.

“Why are you wearing my sweater?” He breathes, his other thumb brushing away your tears.

At the same time, you collide. Your lips meet in a frenzy, nipping and licking, rushing to explore each other in a way you never have. He grips your thigh, his fingers digging into the soft flesh. Your hands grab at one another blindly, searching for purchase. Without breaking apart, your fingers find the hem of his sweatshirt and pull at it, silently asking him to take it off.

He complies, barely giving you a second to breathe before his mouth is back on yours, quickly moving down your jaw and neck, leaving open mouthed kisses and angry red marks in his wake. You run your hands wildly up and down his bare back, gripping the base of his neck, fingers knotting in his long hair.

He pulls at your sweater (his sweater) and you break from him, lifting your arms to allow him to remove it for you. His eyes burn with such intensity when he looks at your bare chest, you feel a tingle spread over the entire surface of your body. He immediately attaches his lips to your collarbone, biting the soft skin there, and licks a stripe down to your sternum. His hand finds your throat, the tips of his fingers winding into your hair, the other wildly palming your breast.

You let out a whimper, and he groans into your chest, pulling your other nipple gently between his teeth. It burns, but it feels nice. You grip the back of his hair, holding him in place. Once he’s given one breast sufficient attention, he moves to the other to repeat his actions. You moan. You can feel that familiar fluttering between your legs, and your heart is racing.

You’re still sort of sitting on the edge of the bed, him now on his knees and you facing him, your arms propping you up, your legs on either side of him. He’s digging his thumbs into the creases between your hip and thigh, and you want more. Harder, closer. He gives your clavicle a final wet kiss, removing his mouth with a pop. You let out a whimper at the loss of contact, your breathing jagged. When he looks up at you, his eyes are dark.

He sits back a little, and you think he’s about to continue with this manic worship of your body, but instead, he stops his movements, his hands splayed firmly on your hips. You can see his hard cock straining through his sweatpants, it makes you shiver. He leans down close to your face, not quite close enough to connect your lips, and he sighs.

“Fuck, I love you.” He whispers.

You feel your body tense as the reality of what you’re doing hits you like a wave. They broke up two days ago. Your throat feels tight, like you can’t breathe. This doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right.

He begins to plant small kisses on your nose and cheeks, and you place your palms against his shoulders and push him back, away from you.

“Stop.” You say, but it comes out weak.

He does, and pulls back to look at you questioningly.

“Put your clothes back on.” You try to sound authoritative, but by the concern painting his face you know it sounds pathetic.

You close your eyes, trying to take a deep breath.

When you open them a few moments later, he’s still there, sitting back on his heels, now with his hoodie on. Still giving you that same look. Loving, you’d say, if you had to put a name to it now. But it doesn’t feel like you thought it would, when you imagined this moment. It hurts.

When you finally speak again, it comes out strangled. “I think you should go, Jake.”

He looks like he’s been smacked across the face. “I want to be with you, Y/N. I thought you wanted that too. I know you’re scared. It’s okay.”

You sob. “I can’t. Please just go.”

He sits for a few more moments, as if he can’t accept what you’ve said.

Finally, he stands from the bed, and without a word, he leaves.

You curl up, hugging your knees to your chest, heaving breaths.

You’d wanted this. ‘I love you.’ The words you’d wanted to hear from him for so long. But they didn’t feel good. They felt muddy and broken, like they’d been dipped in poison. Lily had ended a nine year relationship with Jake, because of you. You were heartbroken. For him, for her, and for yourself.

You feel your phone buzz underneath you.

1.13am Sammy: we’re here. we followed him when he said he was coming. saw him leave, just wanna make sure you’re ok. we can come up or just leave you be if you want. x

1.14am You: Please come here

You throw Jake’s sweater back on, and less than a minute later, you hear the door creak open. You leap up, crumbling straight into Danny’s arms, sobs ripping from you. You can’t even bring yourself to be upset that he told Jake where you were, you just need his comfort right now.

You hear the door close as Danny pets your hair, shushing you softly.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re here. You’ll be okay.”

You hear small noises around the room, the kettle clicking on, the bathroom door being opened and closed, a glass being set down on your night stand, Sam offering Danny a tea. Eventually Danny ushers you back toward the bed, sitting you down, still keeping his arms tightly around you.

You can feel the dampness of his coat under your cheek from your tears, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re just sniffling now, hiccoughing, but you can’t speak.

“I know, Y/N. It’s gonna be okay.” He strokes your head with one hand and rubs your arm with the other.

You feel pathetic. Jake’s brothers, his support system, here with you, when he’s just as upset as you are. As you realise this, you gasp and pull back from Danny.

“Who’s with Jake? Also, it’s Christmas! You guys shouldn’t be here!” You sniffle.

Danny shushes you again and pulls you back into his arms. “We want to be here for you. We love you. And Jake’s headed home to be with Josh. He’s okay.”

You let out a noise that sounds like a wail. Danny doesn’t falter, he just keeps patting you, shushing you, whispering affirmations into your hair. You hear Sam sit down at the table across from you, where his brother had been sitting not minutes before.

“Christ, Y/N. What did he say to you?” Sammy breathes.

You feel Danny shake his head, but you look up at Sam.

“He told me…” you gasp, “that he… and Lily… that they broke up.”

You crumble back into Danny’s chest. “And that he loves me.” You whine through a sob.

They boys don’t speak, Danny just continues to comfort you. You can sense some sort of silent conversation happening between the two of them.

Finally, Danny speaks. “I’m so sorry I told him where you were.”

“It’s… okay…” You blubber.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have gone against what you asked of us. I just heard his side of the story, and I felt like you needed to hear it, too.”

You whimper. “I know… Danny… it’s okay.”

The three of you sit in almost silence, save for your pathetic noises of grief, for a long time. You don’t know how long. You understand why Danny told Jake. If you were in his position, you’d have done the same thing. Everything Jake had said should’ve been something you’d want to hear, the way he’d touched you something you’d dreamed about for so long. It just didn’t feel right.

Eventually you sit up properly, but Danny stays constant by your side. Sam passes you both cups of tea. You don’t drink yours, but you hold it in your hands for the comfort.

When you can, you begin to fill them in on bits and pieces of your conversation with Jake. How you’d started off angry with him, then shocked about his revelation, and ultimately crushed that you’d felt so awful about the whole thing that you’d kicked him out. You leave out the part about the almost-sex.

“Is that really what you want? For him to leave you alone? ‘Cause you know he will, if you ask him to. Now you know everything, so if you tell him to fuck off, he’ll respect it. I’m sure he will.”

You give Sam a sad look. “Of course not, Sammy. I’d imagined this scenario in my head a million times, and I always imagined saying it back. But I’d never considered her, or that relationship. I can’t be responsible for that, and I can’t be a rebound.”

Sam nods. “I get that. But I don’t see it that way, and I don’t think Jake does, either. He’s had plenty of opportunity for rebounds with all the girls he’s been with on tour. I don’t think that’s what you are for him.”

You sniff. “But what about her? I feel like I’ve ruined her life.”

“Lily’s her own person, Y/N.” Danny chimes in. “From what Jake told us, it sounded like that relationship was over for her just as much as it was for him. She made the choice, and that’s not on you. They both deserve to be happy.”

You nod, but you’re uncertain.

Danny pulls out his phone, you assume checking the time.

“We should probably go soon, it’s getting late.”

You nod. “What time is it?”

“Almost 2.30.” He says sheepishly.

“Fuck. Yes, you should definitely go. You have to be with your families in the morning. Please, go home.” You stand and usher them toward the door.

Danny stands too, straightening his coat. Sam tosses him the car keys.

“I’m gonna stay. Josh will come get us in the morning. You take my car home and we’ll sort it out later.”

Danny nods.

“No, Sam, you don’t need to do that. I’m okay.”

He shakes his head. “I want to.”

You give him a small smile. “Okay. Thank you.”

Danny wraps you in another big hug, this one a bit less pitiful.

“Good night, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, if you’re still around.”

You nod into his chest. “Thank you. For everything. Love you.”

“Love you, too. Get some sleep, kiddo. Don’t let Sam keep you up with his snoring.”

You giggle. “Good night.” You gasp. “Wait, Danny!”

He turns around.

“I have to give you something.”

He looks at you questioningly.

You head over to your duffle, rummaging around until you find it. You turn to face away from the boys so they can’t see you, and fold it up neatly. No way to wrap gifts when you’re stuck in a motel without a car, so this will have to do.

“Close your eyes!” You say, and Sam giggles.

Danny hums. “Okay, they’re closed.”

You turn and walk over to him. “Hold out your hands.”

He does, and you place the folded scarf into his palms.

“Okay, you can open.”

He does, and he gives a little gasp as he unfolds your gift.

“Did you make this?”

You nod.

“They’re your colours, Daniel.” Sam says quietly.

Danny holds up the dark purple and blue scarf in his hands, and he almost looks a bit emotional. “I love it. Thank you, Y/N.”

You give him another hug. “In case I don’t see you. Merry Christmas, Danny.”

He hugs you back. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

Danny winds the scarf around his neck, pats Sam on the shoulder, and heads out.

You and Sam don’t talk much before you go to sleep. You get up to put away the cups while Sam uses the bathroom, and then you quietly pad back to bed. As Sam reemerges, you snuggle yourself back under the covers on your side. Sam silently undresses, leaving himself in just his boxers. He smiles at you sheepishly.

“Forgot to pack my jammies.”

You giggle. “It’s okay.”

He slides in, getting comfortable. “You’re lucky I see you like a sister, Y/N, or this might’ve gotten uncomfortable real fast.”

You feel yourself turning red. “I’m more worried about Lennon. Is she okay with you doing this for me?”

Sam chuckles. “Fuck, if you only knew. She gets turned on by the idea of me with other girls.”

You swat him. “Sam!”

He just laughs again. “She’s freaky like that.”

You giggle, and you both lay there in silence for a while.

“Thank you, Sam.”

He rolls toward you. “What for?”

“Being my friend.”

“It’s my pleasure.” You can hear him grinning as he turns off the lamp.

You take his hand over the covers, and you fall asleep to the sound of his breathing.

When you wake in the morning, for a brief moment, when you see the dark mop of hair on the pillow beside you, you forget who it is. They look so alike.

Sam groans and rolls over to turn off his alarm. You check your own phone, and scold yourself for being disappointed that you have no new messages. 7.31am.

“‘Morning, princess.” Sam says in a sleepy voice, patting your hand. “Sleep okay?”

“‘Morning, Sammy. Yeah, fine. You?”

“Terribly. Was tossin’ and turnin’ all night.”

You giggle. Sam was out like a light within minutes and slept the whole way through. You know this, because you weren’t so lucky.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, awful. There was some girl in the bed hogging all my blankets and snoring like a chainsaw.”

You smack him lightly on his bicep. “Oh, fuck off. I do not snore.”

He chuckles. “How would you know?”

You roll your eyes. “What time is Josh coming?”

He lifts his phone to hold it above his face, his silky, dark hair splayed around his head like a halo. Jake’s hair does that, too, but Jake’s is always a little more messy in the mornings. It’s a different texture, his curls stick to his cheeks, strands glinting golden in the morning light.

Sam frowns, scrolling through his messages. “Ah, like eight-ish. Gonna grab a shower before he gets here. Can I use your towel?”

You nod. “Yeah, of course.”

He springs out of bed with a surprising amount of energy, bouncing to the bathroom.

You pull back the covers and hop out of bed yourself, stretching and running your hand over your face. You feel like you didn’t sleep at all. You must’ve gotten a couple of hours, but there was definitely a while sometime in the early morning when you just lay there, contemplating everything Jake, Danny and Sam had said to you in the hours prior.

You pad over to the kettle and turn it on, hunting for the instant coffee packets. You were kind of getting used to them now. You could go to the dining hall and get drip coffee, but you didn’t want to see anyone. You make one for yourself and one for Sam, and leave them on the table while you hunt through your bag for a Christmas-appropriate outfit.

You settle on a loose, long, black dress, stockings and your brown Doc Marten work boots. They’re your most comfortable shoes, and the only thing you have with you other than the matching black lace-up pair you wear for shows and your beat-up white sneakers. You decide you’ll finish the outfit with Jake’s knitted sweater and your big red scarf. You don’t really know what it means, for you to choose to wear his sweater, but it feels comforting.

Once you’ve laid out your clothes on the bed, you dig through your duffle for your gifts, stowing them in your purse before Sammy can see. In your free time at the motel over the past few days, you’ve managed to crochet some colourful little flowers for Ronnie, Lennon and Kai, maybe to wear as brooches or put on hair clips, a pot holder for Karen and a beer cozy for Kelly using your wool scraps. You’re satisfied with your gifts. They’re small, but they’re homemade, and they’re a token of your appreciation for the family that took you in this Christmas.

When Sam’s finished in the bathroom, you shower and dry your hair, putting on a little makeup to hide the circles under your eyes. As you survey yourself in the mirror, you notice a few small purple marks blooming on your neck and collarbone. Your throat gets tight, and you dab them with a little concealer. The sweater should cover them, anyway.

You decide to leave your hair out and flowing over your shoulders, just pinning back a few pieces by your temples to frame your face. You feel okay. You don’t really know who you’re trying to impress. Karen, you tell yourself. You have to look nice for Karen.

Sam takes his coffee and politely goes out to the balcony for a smoke so you can get dressed. When you’re ready, you tidy the room a little. You’ll be back here tonight, cause there’s no way you can get a flight, or an Uber for that matter, on Christmas Day. You might have to wait it out until Tuesday before you can get yourself back to New York. You make the bed, and hang the wet towel up in the bathroom. You grab your coffee and head out the front door to join Sam. Surely it was close to 8am now, if not past.

You find him leaning over the balcony, on FaceTime with Lennon. She squeals when she sees you.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N!” She looks like she’s wearing red and white Christmas-themed pyjamas, and you can hear the giggles and shrieks of small children in the background. That must be her nieces and nephews.

You smile. “Merry Christmas, Lennon. How’s Memphis?”

“Surprisingly freezing! We’ve had snow for the first time I can remember, it’s so nice. Really feels like the holidays.”

“I’m so glad! Sounds like it’s hectic over there.”

Sam holds the phone between you both so you can see properly, and she can see you. In the background, you can see a huge Christmas tree, and two little boys darting back and forth, chasing each other with nerf guns.

Lennon giggles. “Yeah, the little ones have been up since 5am. The grumpy teenager is still asleep, but I think her brothers are planning to go in and jump on her if she’s not up before 8.30.” She laughs.

You laugh too. “That sounds like fun! How is your sister?”

“She’s great! Happy to palm the kids off to me and my dad for babysitting duties, I think. But how are you? How’s Frankenmuth? Are you ready to head to the Kiszkas’?”

“Yeah, I think we’re just waiting on Josh?” You look at Sammy.

“Yup, he texted a few minutes ago. Said he was just getting in the car.”

You smirk. “Of course he was.” Ah, well. Being a little late wouldn’t hurt. The Kiszkas’ weren’t little kids anymore, and you imagined Jake was probably still asleep, anyway.

Lennon pulls your attention back to her. “Hon, Sammy told me a little bit about what went down between you and Jake. Are you alright?”

You nod. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just messy.”

“Jake’s a fuckwit.” Sam interjects, and you give a tight smile.

Lennon ignores him. “I know, of course it is. But it’ll work itself out. I know you didn’t ask for my advice, but I’m gonna give it to you anyway. You and Jake are supposed to be together. Anyone with half a mind can see that. I was only on the tour with y’all for three days and I could see it. I know it feels hard now, maybe even wrong, but you’ll get there. Lily is okay. I’ve spoken to her a bit, and she seems like she’s doing good. Try not to worry about that.”

You breathe a deep sigh. Lennon was just telling you what she thought you wanted to hear.

“Thank you. I dunno, I just think I need time to process it all.”

She smiles. “Then take that time, girl. There’s no rush. Try to enjoy yourself today. Spend time with Karen and Ronnie, and Joshy and Sammy will look out for you, won’t you, babe?”

Sam nods. “Yeah, ‘course.”

At that moment, you see Jake’s car pull in, and your stomach drops. Sam puts a hand on your arm.

“It’s Josh.”

You nod, your head swimming.

“Okay, baby, he’s here. We gotta go. I’ll call you later?”

“Bye, Lennon!” You call, turning to head back into the room. Sam follows.

“Good luck, Y/N!” She calls back. “Have a great time, babe. Give your momma and daddy a big hug and kiss from me.”

“I will. Love you, baby.”

“Love you, too. Miss you. Merry Christmas.”

You feel a little intrusive listening in on the conversation. You can hear the adoration dripping from Sam’s voice as they say goodbye.

You shove your last bits and pieces into your purse and give the room a final sweep. Sam puts the coffee mugs by the bathroom sink, grabs his wallet from the night stand, and follows you out the door.

When you get down to the car, you quickly make your way to the back drivers side seat. You know Josh isn’t going to hold anything against you, but you’re a little scared to face him after last night. You wonder what Jake told him.

As Sammy clambers into the passenger seat, giving his brother the goofiest grin, Josh greets you both.

“Merry Christmas, stowaways. Sam, Mom was so pissed when she found out you weren’t home this morning. You might have a tongue-lashing coming.”

You feel guilty.

Sam chuckles. “She can suck it. We’ll be home before Jake’s even awake. What’s she worried about?”

Josh smirks. “I dunno, something about it being ‘Christmas tradition for all the kiddos to wake up under the one roof’, or some shit like that.” He does a terrible impersonation of Karen, and you hold back a giggle.

Sam rolls his eyes. “Oh, whatever. She’ll survive. We’ll be there in like 20 minutes.”

Josh pulls out of the parking lot and out onto the main road.

He looks at you in the rearview. “How are you this morning, Y/N? Sleep okay?”

You nod. “Yeah, fine. Happy Christmas, Josh.”

He smiles. “And to you, my love.”

And that’s that. You’re grateful he doesn’t ask you about Jake, but you imagine it’s for his own sake as much as yours. There’s a nagging little part of you that just wants to check, see if he’s okay, but you don’t. You’ll be seeing him soon anyway.

You’re quiet during the drive, letting Sammy and Josh bicker in the front about Josh’s music choices, and what you’ll be eating for lunch. You lean back into the car seat, and you’re surrounded by the familiar smell of Jake, embedded in the leather. When you near the Kiszkas’ house, you begin to feel your tummy swirling, and your hands get clammy.

Hold it together, you tell yourself. You can do this. You’re brought back to the minutes when you first arrived here, you and Jake sitting in the car. You can almost feel his hand resting on yours, and hear his words.

‘I want you here with me. That’s all that matters.’

You feel tears well in your eyes and you try to bite them back.

As you go to get out of the car, your phone buzzes.

8.42am Jake: I won’t bring it up. Just try to act normal for my family. They really want you here, too. I know you’ll be feeling bad about your mom and dad. Try to enjoy it.

‘Too.’ It was still true. He did want you here. And you still wanted him. Now you had a choice to make. What were you going to do?

Chapter 8 (Part 1)

@ohgodthefeeling-gvf @profitofthedune @sinarainbows @klarxtr @jakesgrapejuice @gretavangroupie @mackalah @clairesjointshurt

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metacrisisdoctor · 11 months

Text

Lying with this love, that’s where he’ll be

an alien intruder makes itself known in the tyler household. for the @tentoorosemicrofics challenge. i used “icy” as the prompt. cookies for anyone who understands what the title is a refence to!

1.7k. family fluff. post empire of the wolf.

READ ON AO3

Like most things, it will all make sense in retrospect. Or at least some of it will.

The situation is starting to come into focus now, really- the thought of what could be happening so terrifying Rose can only mentally kick herself for letting the Doctor wander off into the snow to get her some aspirin for her cramps.

("Never doubt my love for you, Rose Tyler. This stuff could kill me.")

Well- what she had thought were period cramps.

Cramps have never felt this bad though, and the only thing Rose can focus on is the terrified look on her daughter's face. And the pain. Oh God, the pain. Splitting pain radiating from her womb and spreading, spreading, spreading until she can barely walk over to the sofa, even with Mia holding her arm and leading the way with a patience no teenage girl can muster unless they're really scared.

It's then that is clicks. The only time she's ever felt this pain was seventeen years ago.

She's in labour. And she hadn't even known she was pregnant.

This universe has a sense of humor, doesn't it? Hard to deny that now.

For years Mia had begged them for a sibling, and they'd tried. Of course they had. Many times, without complaint. Sometimes multiple times a day, as due diligence. They had a name picked out and everything, the perfect name. And when the Doctor saw a tiny suit or miniature converse, he couldn't help but bring them home.

They'd tried until they could say that one child was miracle enough, and after a while Mia had contended herself with an orange cat that the Doctor pretended to hate and playdates with Tony.

They were happy. They are happy.

Happiness comes and goes, however. In this moment, happy is certainly not the term she would use.

The contraction that takes a hold of her is so intense that her knees give out. It increases until she can't help but scream in agony while Mia holds her waist. A drop of sweat falls into Rose's eye and blurs her vision when she opens her eyes. The room seems bigger than it ever has, the couch never so bloody fucking stupidly far.

"Don't die," Mia whimpers. Rose can feel her daughter's arms trembling, and she knows she's crying. There is nothing Rose wants more than to comfort her, to stand up straight and tell her that she's fine. That she isn't dying. But she can barely string together three words.

Three words are better than none, "I'm gonna alright."

Mia sniffles, "I love you, Mummy."

And blimey, Mia hasn't called her anything other than "Mum" or "whatever," in ages. It's enough to to make her laugh, tears springing to her eyes at how young Mia sounds. But it makes her heart hurt too. Mia really thinks she’s watching her die.

The pain ebbs into a dull ache, giving her enough reprieve to say those words back and keep moving. When they finally make it to the sofa, Rose pulls her phone from her pocket to call her husband. Her hands are slick with sweat and the device slips from her hands like butter and clatters to the floor.

Rose curses, taking a deep breath. "I need you to call your father. He should be back soon, he just went to the store but we should warn him... before he gets home."

Mia's eyes are as wide as saucers despite the sleep lines on her face and her messy braid. Guilt twists inside Rose again. She had hoped this, whatever it was, wouldn't wake her. But it did, of course it did. She was having a baby for Christ's sake.

"Warn him about what?! We don't even know what's wrong. We have to get to the hospital."

A furious shake of the head has Mia's mouth closing back up. She lifts her hips and starts tugging her sweatpants down. "No time. Baby's coming."

"Baby?! Since when are you pregnant?!"

"Hell if I know!"

Just then fresh, freezing air spreads throughout the room, cooling Rose's burning skin as the Doctor bursts through the door. The small bag of pain killers and crisps in his hand looks equal parts ridiculous and terribly endearing. He has snow on his shoulders, piled on the blue wool of his coat, soaking his cotton jim jams and stuck to his hair.

He's panting like he's been running, his own terrified expression mirroring Mia's- but it's clear that he heard every last bit of their exchange before opening the door.

"I already called him," Mia explains, tapping her temple a bit smugly, "with my mind."

Before Rose can respond something cheeky about their alien mind connection the pain rips through her again, and she slides off the sofa and onto the floor with a groan. She tastes blood and realizes she's biting her cheek.

Snow tracks across the room as he makes his way over to them. He quickly shrugs off the coat and kneels on the floor in front of his wife. His hands are cold as ice and Rose flinches when he gently touches her thigh, then leans down to have a look.

"Oh hello," he croons, before looking back up and smiling widely. "You're crowning. I can see the head. Looks like I'm right on time for once."

"I didn't know," Rose sobs, thinking of all the glasses of wine she's had. The prenatal pills she should have taken- especially at her age. It's hard to know exactly how old she is anymore, but above forty is a good guess. She thinks of the spotting she had taken as her period, as menopause kicking in.

The small, tiny bulge that she had thought was bloating. But it was a baby, their baby, somehow hidden away in her own body.

How could she have been so blind?

"Rose, I know what you're thinking but it's alright. None of us knew. But I don't think our child wants to be ignored any longer, eh?"

They share a small smile and Mia nods in agreement, pushing the sweaty hair away from her mothers face. Rose attempts to pull her hand from Mia's but the teenager refuses to let go, determined. "I'm not leaving."

It's all goes so fast then, nothing like her seventeen hour long labour of years past. The silence of the night is filled with the sounds of one small, (mostly) human life making it's way home.

"Come on, you're doing so well. Just one big one for me."

Her red, blotchy face scrunches as she pushes one more time.

"I'll catch you," the Doctor says, and she knows he's not talking to her anymore. Suddenly, she really really want to meet her baby. It's as if she can't wait another second to hold them. Besides her Mia gasps and let's go of her hand, finally, to whip off her favourite pink hoodie for the Doctor to wrap the baby in.

Just like that it's over. Her husband makes a sound of victory, between a sob and cheer. The room is suspiciously silent though, and she sits up straighter, trying to get a look at them despite her pain and confusion. The entire room smells like copper.

Her voice is raw and trembling when she speaks, "Why isn't he crying?"

He's so small, the chock of brown hair on his head the only thing making him seem bigger than he is.

Fear contracts around her heart like scar tissue, old memories of children they have both lost in their time apart bubbling to the surface of the ocean of her mind and threatening to pull them down into an abyss she doesn't know if they could ever come back from. She watches as the Doctor rubs circles on the baby's back, his face tense. After what feels like an eternity, a piercing cry fills the room.

"That's more like it," the Doctor chuckles, his voice thick with unshed tears. Relief courses through her entire being, her arms opening instinctively. "I think he was asleep."

It makes sense doesn't it? At least in her mind it does. Mia had been non-stop energy, dancing on her bladder at all times. Takes after her father. Maybe this one shares her love for sleeping in. But even if he doesn't, she doesn't mind one bit.

"Where have you been hiding?" She murmurs as their son is place on her chest, wrapped in his sisters love, delivered from his father's hands. The three of them sit in stunned, awed silence until he settles, making small snuffled sounds into Rose's sternum.

Mia's words are accompanied by a small giggle. "A little stowaway, he is." She tugs the fabric that obscures his slimey little face down to run a fingertip over his features, amazed that her little brother has finally made an appearance.

Rose marvels at how well the Doctor is taking this, how perfect the timing is. He had been so afraid to be a father again. If it hadn't been for Tony, maybe he would have been able to open his heart to this part of himself again, but she's so glad he did. Fatherhood fits him like a glove, like he was born for it. But if Mia had been a surprise, she doesn't know how he would have reacted.

Everything worked out just as it should have, it seems.

In a few moments they will rush to the hospital, they'll call Jackie and tell her there won't be a Christmas party this year after all. There will be months of nappy changes, and sleepless nights and guilt followed by comfort. By happiness. By love. Always, always love.

Now, at three in the morning, there is a moment of complete serenity as snow continues to fall around their townhouse. The fireplace crackles. All old wounds heal.

A family of four, propped on the floor, nestled safely in their home.

"It's good to finally meet you, Jack." the Doctor whispers then leans toward and presses a kiss to Rose's brow, then one to Mia's before making his way back down to the newest member of their family. "And don't you dare let your grandmother think we named you after her. I'll tell you now, in fact, at two minutes old, that you were named after-"

—

Somewhere in a world not much different than their own, Captain Jack Harkness suddenly looks up at the sky and smiles.

He doesn't know why.

#*#my fic #dw fic #doctor who #dw #doctor x rose #tentoo x rose #tentoorose #tentoo #rose tyler #metacrisis doctor #mia tyler #timepetals #tenrose #ten x rose #(for exposure)#don't love this but it's done

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 months

Text

year in review

one thing i did this past year was set my "win condition" for daily habit resolutions at 183 days in the year, because if you do something on 183 days in a year, that means you technically did it most of the time. i found this really motivational because it meant everything counted but there was also a lot of room for slack, and i feel like even for the resolutions i did not do so hot on that style of tracking gave me information and helped me think about what i really want out of that habit. so i am definitely planning to repeat it this year! as for the actual daily resolutions, they kind of fell into four categories.

nailed it

spend some time with some art: 232 days

work out: 216 days 💪🏼

drink at least 64 ounces of water: 277 days

pretty good

log my little habits & other trackables: 189 days

don't go on the internet before noon: 189 days (but see earlier posting about how i don't really feel like that addressed what i wanted it to address)

nice try

write out a plan for my day: 164 days

make something with words or with my hands: 153 days

get my room back into its baseline acceptable condition: 135 days

abject failures

meditate (147 days), journal (116 days), yoga (69 days) - yoga i just never found a place in my routine for this year but the other two i'm putting into this category even their numbers are not that high because i actually started off pretty strong and then just fully stopped around the beginning of september because life was hard. then like a month later i started having a mental breakdown where i couldn't stop crying and/or thinking about death. coincidence? you decide! (it's almost definitely not.)

i also had some goals to accomplish for the end of the, areas i wanted to make progress in without a specific endpoint, & vibes to cultivate, with mixed results:

memorize at least one (1) keyword/phrase for each tarot card - lol no

listen to sondheim's full body of work in chronological order - lol no

finish all unread books in my room - lol no

get my apartment into a state that would be okay for guests - lol no

post all WIPs - partial credit! i had a very ambitious count of 12 in mind when i made this resolution; i wound up posting 5 and a half, one of which was for & event and not on the list. idk i feel good about this tbh, especially since i did post everything that already had a substantial amount of writing in gdocs when i started the year (so, like, really all True WIPs rather than WIPs + various half-baked notions) and i like pretty much every fic i posted a lot.

up my walking till i'm regularly hitting 70k a week - i didn't put this one in my app for some reason and i am definitely too lazy to go through 12 months of notebooks but a glance at my apple health app suggests... sure? kinda? definitely for a while and then i got sick and then it got cold and dark and less so since then?

make progress towards figuring out routines that serve me: i... think so, yes? i spent a lot of this year, especially the spring and summer, just feeling sooooo dysregulated physically and fatigue-embattled and so on and so forth, and although my sleep cycle at the moment is not ideal, i am not, like, beset every day by the challenge of having a physical body anymore. i don't have one single daily routine i swear by, which is what i always fantasize about even though i know i would inevitably get bored of it and reject it (cap sun / sag stellium problems........), but i have some mini-routines i feel like i can call on, and i also have a set of meals that are boring but easy and reliable to eat basically every day so that i am not spending all of my disposable income on take-out anymore, and i also definitely now think of myself as A Person Who Works Out, so.... yes. i'm gonna say yes.

figure out a way to tackle my gigantic and ever-increasing Backlog Of Tasks: lmao no. not even a little bit.

make progress towards feeling more connected: i think so on this one, too. my most socially proactive friend moved out of the country for six months this spring and as the date of her departure was approaching i realized that i could either watch my social calendar virtually disappear for half a year or i could Try Harder, and then i did try a little bit harder and it went pretty okay. as much as part of me really wanted to, i did not drop my efforts during my extremely busy september/october, either. so.... yeah!

make progress towards fiscal responsibility: yeah. not, like, in leaps and bounds or anything, but i am definitely 3000% less stressed about money than i was a year ago.

stop treating everything like an emergency: hmmmm. i think i did well on this one for things that i can or should or need to take action on, but not so well for things i actually can't - like, i've gotten better at reminding myself that it, whatever it is, isn't fucking brain surgery, and in the worst case scenario life goes on, but i am still prone to the occasional despairing google spiral where i "research" some issue lying to myself that i am gathering important information but knowing deep inside i'm not planning to act on any of it at the moment and therefore really i am just feeding my own anxiety about it. partial credit.

don't push unless i have to: you know what? i think yeah. i mean, work in progress, but - yeah.

be proactive about looking for the stuff that makes me be alive: partial credit.

make more stuff, see more people, experience more art, have more fun: in order, maybe not strictly speaking "more" but between the amount i wrote and getting back into knitting i feel pretty happy about it; yes; probably?; definitely

fuck temperance: not as much as i maybe wanted to, but often enough to be glad when i did

i'm gonna come back on a full resolutions post later i think, maybe tonight maybe not (don't push unless i have to), but some current thoughts on this review:

keeping unedited; the 183 day goal (although i guess since we're in a leap year technically it should be 84, lol) in general; the daily habits of art, working out, drinking water, logging my little habits

i'm debating whether to keep planning my day as a habit or not. i feel like i've sort of internalized enough of a daily structure that some days it's helpful but other days i can just kind of jump into things and not feel like i missed something (today, for example, i've been toggling between work stuff and other goals, including sitting down to write this post, and it's felt pretty seamless)

internet: still thinking of a good way to phrase this. might just go with "make good internet choices" with the option to redefine or be more formal about "good internet choices" if i feel the need

making stuff: debating whether to keep unedited or now that i have gotten into knitting and definitely WILL be doing it pretty much anytime i'm watching something, do a teeny tiny daily writing resolution, like 100 words a day (or "100 words OR time spent doing actual research for something e.g. rewatching [redacted] for the sake of this newsletter i'm drafting")

room: i think i'm gonna keep this one, which lives in my app as "room maintenance," but mentally redefine it to EITHER re-setting my room to its zero position OR spending 20 minutes making progress towards that to disincentivize my current practice of leaving any messes i can't take care of in 20 minutes until i feel like i have a whole day to work on them

meditating, journaling, yoga, aka the self-care shit: i think i'm gonna swap meditating & yoga for mindfulness & mobility. so, like, one (1) yoga video, done while nothing else is playing and containing some degree of stretchiness, would get me a checkmark for both of those things, but i could also achieve both of them by doing, like, three minutes of silent deep breathing + stretching or foam rolling or one of those pilates butt workouts that always helps my back while watching TV or listening to a podcast or whatever. journaling... debating about this one but almost definitely planning to switch to digital journaling of some kind. the therapeutic value of handwritten journaling is real but it's clearly not something i'm up for at this period of my life lol. beyond that might keep it as journaling but just switch the mode, might split it up into reflection & recording, which are the two things i want out of journaling (the latter of which traditional journaling is actually terrible for for me because my handwriting is so bad i never reread my old entries) but could theoretically be accomplished by, like, a tarot pull + a social media post relating to the book or movie or whatever i'm reading. (i said i was gonna bring back blogging this year with my yearly personal tag and then i used it all of twice lol. BUT THIS YEAR I MEAN IT!!!)

walking: definitely gonna put this one in the app lol and also might switch to a monthly goal? i saw someone say that and it seemed crazy but then i was like, well it's true that if i get my period on a saturday and i haven't been going crazy with steps that week i'm basically done..... lol

it's been funny seeing posts all over the place encouraging "fun" new year's resolutions because those were the ones i failed the hardest at! lmao. clearly setting "do this by the end of the year" is not a productive framework for me personally. i will probably take some of my failed year-long resolutions from 2023 and make, like, a funsies list & a serious list, and then set a daily habit goal like "chip away a little at one fun project & one serious project"

the elephant in the room of my brain is, do i want to set some kind of numerical goal regarding Getting Out Of The House And/Or Spending Time With Human Persons? it feels intimating and scary and hard but also less so than it would have had i considered it before my friend moved out of the country. so....... maybe? idk.

similarly, debating if i do want to set some kind of goal regarding how much writing i accomplish, or if doing 100 words a day is enough since the hardest part of writing is absolutely just sitting down and fucking doing it. lol.

also considering a reading goal? that can but doesn't necessarily always count towards the art goal? hmmmm.

#isabel 2k24 #i mean it this time!

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